#i wish i could kill myself by the end of the year but the logistics are wayyy off so i’ll be a pest for a while i guess | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sweettodo · 4 years ago

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Professor ⟿ Hisoka Morow x femreader

Includes : smut, student x teacher

Word count : 2,7k

[STUDENT IS AGED, IN COLLEGE]

••

"Please- please sir, I'll do anything, please don't fail me this semester."

Professor Morow sits in his office chair; hand on his chin as he ponders, he did like the sound of you begging.

••

You could cry.

You could drop out right fucking now. Beyond fed up.

Tutor after tutor, study session after study session since ninth grade never did you any justice, even cheating- peeking over to your neighbors left you with an end result of the huge red D's, F's and C's scribbled onto your paper. You were tearing the hair out of your head.

You couldn't write an English essay even if there was a gun being held to your temple; you weren't necessarily illiterate, but you envied your classmates who could throw together a thesis in an hour lecture, not to mention these giant papers which could've driven you to kill.

Today, bright and early in the morning, here you sit in your English classroom writing a timed essay, an essay about the logistics of capitalism, whatever that meant. Headache booming while you wrote illogical sentences onto lined paper vigorously.

You didn't even bother to read over your work; an hour later you're finally standing up from your seat and shuffling down the row, reaching to drop your paper into the basket, "Miss. Y/l/n, have you looked it over?" Professor asks, you smile and nod, he takes it from you.

"I wrote it sir, I don't need to reread it." You retort, he leans back in his chair and raises an eyebrow at you.

"That's not necessarily what I meant; very well then." He smiles, you go back to your seat and wait for class to be over.

Thirty minutes later, kids are gathering up their bags and papers, scurrying out of the classroom to their next lecture, as you walk out of the double doors into the hallway, your last name is being called and you stop in your tracks, turning around, "yes, Mr. Morow?" You respond, stepping back into the classroom, he stands from his desk, hands patting the black button up as he stands, he waits for you to approach his desk, his arms crossed and he seemed a little irritated.

You approach the front of his desk, nervous, "now, you can't honestly tell me this is your best work." He sighs, you swallow hard, slightly embarrassed, he looked completely unfazed.

"W-well, in my defense Mr-" you stutter, he immediately cuts you off.

"There is no excuse for this lackluster paper." He states, you jump out of your skin, his tone threatening. Everyone always knew not to mess with professor Morow, he was strict and rarely tolerated unprofessionalism. But you- you, always drove him mad, he hated how you acted, he wished he could fail you for the year, being as you were so incompetent.

But that would be immoral or him to stoop that low.

"I should have you rewrite this, do you know how important this is for your grade? Do you want to pass, y/n?" You not, picking at your nails in fear, he was definitely failing you for this semester.

"I'm sorry sir, I try- I really do, it's just I can't bring myself to it." You mumble, head down in total humiliation. "Please- please sir, I'll do anything, please don't fail me this semester." You plead.

Professor Morow sits in his office chair; hand on his chin as he ponders, he did like the sound of you begging.

He sighs and moves towards his bag, opening it and shuffling through papers, pulling out mine, you braced yourself, "you're going to rewrite this, I will swallow my pride and give you a chance, I'd like to see you get higher than a C." He deadpans, you nod, gracious for his generosity.

Handing the essay back to you, "would you like me to do it right now?" You ask, he shakes his head no, closing his bag and picking it up.

"Nope, I'll help you later, you'll have to leave campus for this evening, so clear your schedule." Your eyes widen, he begins walking out, back to you before he peers his head back towards you, "do you want help?"

"Yes, yes sir I do." You sputter, he gives you a half cocked smile.

"That's what I thought." He leaves you breathless as he turns off the lights as he turns the corner out of his class, leaving you there in the barely lit room. You slowly walk out of the empty class, unsure if something like this was even appropriate, 'but it has to be, he's helping you.'

The next few hours would feel like eternity, laying chest up, looking at your ceiling spread eagle bored out of your mind. Waiting for time to pass before you anxiously awaited for later tonight. As you lay there, you hear your phone swoosh, indicating you had just received an email. You sit up and snatch your phone off the bed stand, opening it and seeing an email from the professor.

With an address being the only thing sent to you, you don't bother responding, 'this must be his house,' you spoke out loud, looking at the time on your phone, you might as well get ready, only an hour until you need to leave.

Wearing the same thing you had worn all day, a plain black skirt with a sweater, you just spray perfume over yourself and brush through your hair.

It was only 5pm, but the time of the year brought early darkness; so it was pretty dark by the time you were walking through the parking lot and unlocking your car door. Bag in toe you drive off campus, you scolded yourself for being so, so stupid. How can’t someone write an essay? Not to mention you were at fault for letting it get this bad... a teacher, y/n? A teacher is doing this for you? It was embarrassing.

Soon you're driving up the spiral driveway up towards the large house in your view, nice car in the driveway, lawn well taken care of. It was beautiful. You take off your seatbelt, opening the car door with your bag and keys in hands.

You walk up the path and inhale before you're knocking on the door; waiting a few seconds and the door is opening. Professor Morow allowed you entrance, wearing the same button up and black slacks as earlier in class. We great each other, "follow me, my office is upstairs." He speaks, you follow him up the marble stairs, down the hall and he's opening a beautiful wooden door, a large desk, chairs in front, a couch with a bookcase behind it with stunning red curtains which were closed.

"You have a nice home Mr. Morow, stunning." You breathe, looking around and observing.

"My, well thank you y/n." He hums, sitting in his chair behind the desk, you sit in front of him, taking out your paper along with a notebook and pencil, “I'll have you rewrite, and after each paragraph I'll read it over for you." He says, crossing his leg, you nod.

"I- I wanted to thank you again, for helping me." Yoy mutter, he nods slowly.

"Don't worry, you'll make it up to me." He smirks, motioning to your paper to get you to start; so you do. Starting with your thesis, you spend extra time making sure you think it looked good. You hand it to him and he reads it over, eyes trailing across the page, "not bad, but I know you can write more about the proprieties within some enterprises.” You groaned and quickly started erasing, his hand immediately grabs your wrist, stopping you, “I didn’t say erase it.” He insists, you look up at him, then down at his hand; a big hand wrapped around your wrist obviously didn’t fill your head with appropriate things.

He suddenly stands, walking around the desk and reaches his arm to grab your pencil, his arm flexing next to your head while he rewrites the things you disregarded, your throat hitches, sitting still and tense; intimidated by his cologne aroma and the fact he was inches from you, “what has you so tense?” You internally gasp, heart beating and you see him now standing against his desk to your right. How the fuck could you answer this?

“I-uh, no reason.” You nervously chuckle, he crosses his arms; he didn’t buy it at all.

“Cat got your tongue?” He chuckles, stepping closer to you, you stared up at him, he towered over you, swallowing hard, “no need to be nervous, y/n.” He says. The tension was really thick in the room, you didn’t notice until you found yourself pressing your thighs together for pressure.

“Sir I-” his hand moves, tucking hair behind your ear, instantly silencing you. You’re spinning. Such an authoritative man making you feel small was a new feeling you hadn’t felt before; like you needed to listen to him or else you’d be in some type of trouble.

“I hope you’re paying attention, if you want to do good of course.” He murmurs, dropping his hand back down, you nod slowly, listening to him. “I’ve always known you could be a good girl.” You were stunned, you chewed on the inside of your mouth like crazy as he still stood over you.

“Mr. Morow,” you breathe, nervous, “I need to pass this class.” The desperation in your voice was pitiful, and Hisoka fucking loved it.

He brings his hand up to your jaw, caressing only a little with his thumb, “don’t worry, you’ll get a good grade,” he purrs, thumb running across your bottom lip, agonizingly slow, “open.” Mouth opening immediately. His thumb slides into your mouth and down deeper towards the back of your throat. You look up at him with beady eyes, he licks his lips and smiles.

He pulls out of your mouth, you hesitantly bring your two hands up, lightly touching his belt, his head drops down and he assists you in unbuckling his black leather belt, “my my, such a fast learner, so good.” Your face heats up, fingers working at the zipper of his pants, the tight space was noticeable, the bulge in his pants made you squirm.

Hand grabbing the back of your head, he’s releasing his cock from his open slacks, you braced yourself for the thick and long cock to stab the back of your throat. He holds your hair back out of your face while you’re spitting up the base of his dick, taking the tip between your lips slowly while you looked up at him with those eyes.

Tongue swirling around the tip, his grip tightening on your skull. You push your head further onto him, spit seeping down your chin; taking over, Hisoka pushes your head down all the way to the base, choking and your throat constriction, he groans and pulls you off him quickly, “do you like my cock down your throat princess?” He purrs, index finger lifting up your chin, you nod, he smiles and grabs you from under your shoulder, you stand and he pushes you over the desk, legs locking and you’re held up by your arms.

“Hmm, how about you give me these wrists.” He hums, ripping you off your only stability, side of your face hitting the desk... right on top of your essay. You hear a click followed by another, cold metal now holding your wrists together.

“What, do you just have handcuffs in arms reach for this typa’ thing?” You found it humorous.

Mr. Morow didn’t.

Your skirt flying up, followed by a shard pain on your thigh, you gasp and try to look up; belt in hand, your English professor had whipped you. Hard. Your leg tries to move back but he’s placing his hands on your waist, keeping you still, “tell me, why might your panties be this soaked? I haven’t even touched you.” He had bent down to your ear, vibrations sending you crazy, “do you want me to fuck you? Princess? Fill you up?” You bite down on your lip, he made you tingle just by the sound of his voice.

Another smack of the belt against your ass rings through you and you yelp out in pain, hissing. “Answer me. Go on,” even his soft voice made this sound harsh, you press your forehead against the desk, panting; the pool of wetness most likely slipping down your thighs.

“Fill me up professor, please.” You mewl, he chuckles deeply, the sound of the belt on the floor caused you to sigh out of relief; instead his hands were grabbing your thong, pulling them down slowly and letting them hit your ankles.

“Oh my, so fucking wet.” He hums, pulling apart your ass cheeks to get a better look.

“Sir.” You retort, needy and beyond ready to be fucked at this point.

“Yes?” You tense up, mouth dropping open when you feel his tip stroke up and down your folds, your thighs tremble and shake under his grasp, slowly pushing his throbbing cock into you. You cry out, “use your words, what is it?” He questions you once more.

“So fucking big.” You moan, he pulls your hips further onto his cock; shaping your pussy to his liking, stretching you out and hitting every nerve possible, “oh my god!” His hips finally touching your ass, you twitched and tightened around him, fitting around him accordingly.

“You take my cock so well.” He pulls out, hands tight around your waist as he slowly thrusts you, you gasp and squeal, he didn’t even need to try to hit your gspot. He speeds up, enough to feel that sharp pressure of his head poking at your cervix, his name spilling from your mouth.

“Such a good girl, do you like that?” Ramming into you, your legs wanted to drop as he fucked you numb, his big hand grabs your hair, yanking your head upwards, “answer me.” He grits, you couldn’t, you couldn’t even compose words as he fucked every syllable out of you.

You didn’t answer, he shoves your head down, slamming onto the desk painfully, you wince and he picks up pace, “I told you to answer me,” drilling into you, you’re stomach twisting into a tight knot.

About to reach your hard orgasm, he only fucks harder, screaming out a gasp, “fuck! Your cock feels so good Sir!” You cry.

Your moans and screams were music to his ears, only inching him closer to stuffing you with his kids, “such a good little fruit, you’re sucking me in so good.” He groans, your cum coating his dick, he picked up your arms by the metal chain of the handcuffs, using it as leverage to demolish your insides.

Your wrists sore, makeup dripping down your eyes along with your tears, hair a mess, legs numb and shaking ready to give out, “I’m-I’m gonna cum again!” You wailed, he didn’t change his pace, cock stroking against your sweet spot.

“Do it.” Hips sputtering, only slowing down slightly, you become his cum disposal, dumping his seed into your hot cunt. He’s groaning, panting lightly; throwing your second orgasm into the mix, your slick and his cum pouring down his cock and your thighs, you shook profusely, he massaged your ass with his hands before unlocking the cuffs and pulling you up, dropping to your knees and huffing.

“You took me so well.” He purrs into your ear whilst picking you up by the armpits and placing you in the chair, he wipes under your eyes where most of the mascara was and brushes your hair out of your face, crouching down to your level and pulling your panties over your knees, you lift up a little so he can pull them up completely while watching his every move.

While you composed yourself, he walked back around to his desk, gathering papers together in a stack, “we can finish writing tomorrow, how about that princess?” You smile and nod, relived he wouldn’t put you through the torture tonight.

“Sure,” you say, standing and trying way too hard to walk normally, you pick up your bag and keys, walking towards his office door.

“See you in class tomorrow, professor.”

#hisoka x reader #hisoka smut #hisoka morrow x reader #hunter x hunter #smut #hxh x reader #hxh hisoka #lemon

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scrawnytreedemon · 3 years ago

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Can’t sleep, mind going precisely 56 miles an hour, so I think I’ll finally get around to writing this.

Couples days back, I went ahead and finally psyched myself up to do the Zant bossfight.

Because I’d picked up where I’d left off yesterday, which was just before the boss room, obviously I was taken back to the beginning of the area. This gave the whole ordeal a trek, if a short one, what with the Palace of Twilight’s laughable length, and me more time to think.

I didn’t want to do this.

It sounds stupid, but I really didn’t want to do this. I’d cried the day before trying to psych myself up and failing, and I’d cried then, before the boss door, stalling by sweeping away the crystal-fog as best I could-- A meagre attempt at housekeeping, and a futile one. Of course I couldn’t. This isn’t that sort of game. This isn’t a game for failed attempts at kindness, at least trying to clean this awful, awful place for an awful, awful man going through awful, awful things. I was supposed to be a hero.

Heroes don’t make beds.

They don’t wash dishes, or hang laundry, or hold a rival’s hand,

They kill.

The trek didn’t stop past the door, either.

We still had to walk up the stairs. To the throne.

To him.

And I was there, laugh-crying, wishing I didn’t have to. That I could skip this pathetic ordeal.

I tried to turn around and leave.

Despite it only looking like a larger one of the many, many doors we’ve passed through this awful, nonsensical, poorly-designed excuse for a palace that no one could ever live in, it didn’t budge. There wasn’t any turning back. I had to go forward, because this is an action game, and violence is key.

The game takes the reigns. Link walks up to the throne, sword drawn, despite my deliberate decision to sheathe it. The narrative begins again. Midna sneers, and throws a taunt at him.

Zant sits, and smiles. Smiles like he thinks he still has some form of control, or knows full well he’s lost it.

You know, when I was working through the Palace of Twilight, I’d come to the realisation that... Zant locked himself in the throneroom. From the outside. Logistically, despite the good laugh I had over this guy locking himself in from the fucking outside, where his opponents can grab the key, he could get out easily-- teleportation and all. But even that aside, it still spoke to a level of hasty panic, that he would even keep the key outside, behind a waterfall of yet more shitty fog-crytals in the hopes that would deter them. Deter us.

How long had the guy been here, alone in that room?

We all know what happens next. Despite this being my first playthrough, I’ve probably seen this cutscene a dozen times. Zant has what amounts to an overly-dramatised autistic meltdown expositing himself and his motivations. That he was upset and felt like everything he’d worked for had been taken away from him. That he was angry, angry and fed up of being relegated to a half-existence. Midna retorts, Zant wails some more.

What gets me is that, when Ganondorf visits him, engulfs him in this flaming ball of fucked-magical-fuckery, he just. Stares. He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t do anything. Ganondorf speaks as though he’s already decided that, yes, you will do, we will make a pact and rule Everything together; I will live on through you.

Did Zant even agree to this?

I think, subconsciously or not, he accepted it, but it begs the question of whether or not Zant was capable enough to partake in it.

Whatever the answer, he’s clearly not capable enough to partake in this. This fight.

It’s laughable, that I’m expected to find victory in this.

The fight was a fucking slog, 90% of the time. Some of these boss-battles I hadn’t played in nearly two years thanks to the impromptu hiatuses I’m so fond of taking, so I didn’t know what the fuck I was meant to be doing half the time-- And when I did, it lagged to shit everytime this poor bastard fired projectiles, because I was playing on the gamepad, because why on earth would I play this on the goddamn TV? It was a sad, pitiful encounter that I had to laugh my way through and also mumble “what the fuck“ on several occasions because I guess somebody at Nintendo ate cheese before bed and the dev team were so desperate to patch something together for this guy’s sudden crisis that they threw it in-- I’m obviously having a good laugh, but What The Fuck.

I knock the guy down in the last phase of the battle, the only one where he isn’t mimicking something else and dizzies himself spinning like a hyperactive child, and the game takes the reigns again. Midna prepares her hair. I look away-- I’ve seen it before, many times before, and it’s cartoonishly grotesque for a game that relies heavily on somber semi-realism. Midna has her own crisis-- And yeah, yeah bossbabe, I feel it.

It cuts back, and there’s a Heart Container on the guy’s throne.

I killed a guy, and now I’m collecting his lifeforce. I stormed into the bunged-up attempt of a fortress conjured up as a last defense by a man who’s fallen head-first into insanity, tore through any meagre security measure like butter, murder the guy when he’s having an episode, he dies a fucked up death, and then I collect his lifeforce.

Is that fucked up or what?

For all of Zelda’s endless violence, rarely do you actually kill “people.“ It’s the kind of stuff reserved for the end, for Ganondorf, or some other corrupted nigh-demigod on the brink of losing their humanity, or never having possessed it.

We kill Zant.

Zant barely puts up a fight, and we kill him. Zant gets summoned from the netherworld by Ganondorf in Hyrule Warriors; we put him there in the first place.

If we were to view this from a literal, like this shit actually happened and these characters are to be held accountable standpoint, then what we did was justified-- If not wholly, then mostly. Zant got power-hungry, committed what amounts to a bio-terroristic coup on the government, disfigured his rival, a woman notorious for her beauty, then proceeded to attempt the same thing with Hyrule, leading to the indirect death of at least the people who got transfigured into Shadow-Beasts in Kakariko, and attacks you first, then yeah, no biggie?

But I’ll be fucking real with you chief, I don’t find it... I don’t know, persuasive? Effective? Compelling, would be the best word, to think of it that way?

What Zant is, is a narrative tool. One that was set up to be this big, bad interloper who you need to Take Down and Save Everything, as per usual Zelda format. The justification for why we should hate him, if I’m going to be honest, feels contrived, most of the time. He does some bad thing off-screen, Midna gets pissed, Midna and everyone within a 12-mile radius explains why we should be pissed in a way that often feels borderline developer-hand-y-- And that’s. Well that’s how Zelda usually is.

It’s justification to commit violence.

--To be clear, I don’t say this in a political sense. I mean it in the very literal “hit/kill a guy“ sense. And in all honesty, that’s kinda inherent to the ethos of action games. We enjoy catharsis-- We enjoy taking down big things, it’s satisfying! I’ve played a little Hyrule Warriors-- Loved the feel of it. Violence is inherent to even the most benign of action games, and it is what it is.

Where it falls short for me, is that with Zant, I don’t feel like I’m taking down some great foe that I should justifiably hate.

I feel like I’m a clearly more equipped person breaking into a room, and bludgeoning a mentally ill person.

I’m autistic. I may slot in easier to NT society than most, but I am autistic, and it makes me deeply uncomfortable to see something I’ve fucking gone through be used carelessly as flavour for a prelude to violence. I have meltdowns. They’re relatively rare, and mostly in my room, alone, but I’ve also experienced one out in public. It was only sobbing, but there’s a special kind of horror, of humilation in knowing other people, strangers, family, what have you, are seeing it, and all you can think is how much you failed.

I can’t fully articulate why I cried so much during this, quite frankly, menial ordeal. I’m half-embarrassed to even talk about it-- Because then that means caring too much, and I can’t care too much over a poorly-justified character that wasn’t even intended to be sympathised with and that most of the fandom laughs at. And I can’t say I blame them.

I guess at the end of the day it comes down to the ever-present pity; some strange, childish commiseration I’d indulged in ever since I was six and cooing over Bowser and how awful everything was for him, that despite my continuous efforts, I can’t ever seem to explain.

I didn’t like the Zant fight. It felt empty,

And all did was sweep cobwebs and try to turn back.

#scrawny rambles #scrawny speaks #tloz #twilight princess #zant #back at it again with anotherhgkjhgjkhgkhj #thoughts #i'm tired of how violence is used to handle everything i guess #i feel like i'm walking around with a hammer wanting to buils a little shed and maybe set it down and make soup and hand it out #but the game goes NO bludgeoning ONLY you MUST KILL ALL THE WRONGDOERS VIOLENCE IS THE ONLY WAY--#cAN WE MAYBE??? N O T?? FOR ONCE???#AGAIN to get onto another thing. fuckign. mnish cap. and how e/zlo i n s i s t s the only thing to do about v/aati is kill him #you know.#his child student. that HE TUTORED WHAT THE FU C K #AND EVERYONE??? THINKS IT'S F I N E??#(slashes employed so it doesn't show up in those tagshdjjhgjkhg)#BUT YEAH WHAT EVEN #i suppose another part of this is just how. violence is glorified so much even in everyday culture. even in progressive circles.#[especially in progressive circles.]#ugh. god i really am a soppy little lawful good pacifist aren't i???#hhgjhfjgjl #it's 12am forgive any typos

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bebepac · 3 years ago

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National Honor Society (Happy Birthday Brandy)

Original Post Date: 5/19/21 at 3:25PM EST

Happy Birthday @bbrandy2002 I hope you are having a wonderful birthday today. I will be honest and say I had no clue it was your birthday until late yesterday evening. I hope you like this. I met you when I was baby new to the fandom.

I started reading your series My Love . To this day that is probably one of my favorite series I’ve read. If you haven’t read it, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND!!!!

I had started reading it, then I had lost track of it. I finally saw a reblog for it again, and so I messaged you. You had told me then you were so grateful for my comments, as you had thought about scrapping that whole story. I almost lost my mind, because I thought that story was amazing. And proceeded to with each chapter give an emotional play by play via your inbox while I was reading. Thank you for thinking I wasn’t insane for that. Ha ha ha ha!!!! You are an amazing writer and friend. I really appreciate your friendship.

This is a complete one shot. It technically does not fall into any series that I am currently writing right now or have written.

The Book: TRR

The Pairings: None

Word Count: 825

Warnings: Profanity.

Summary: Liam, Drake, and Hana have to do the National Honor Society’s daily birthday announcements.

A/N: This is actually something I used to have to do in high school being part of the honor society. I ironically came up with this idea while I was watching this crazy show on netflix called Who Killed Sara. I really hope you like this cute little dumpster fire. If you don’t, then blame Netflix and my nerdy high school years. Sorry wasn’t more of a Taylor. You’ll see.

A/N2: Update 5/21/21

Because the Birthday girl requests a followup and I have cultivated some ideas for this, I am going continue this little accidental AU I created here. The mini series will be called School Dayz.

It may even cross into Pop’s Place too. I’m still figuring out some logistics in that, since I plan to still have Jaiden as an older brother to Riley and Taylor.

Liam didn’t think of himself as a nerd. His glasses, braces, and lack of style kind of said otherwise.

“There’s nothing wrong with being intelligent Liam. The right person will find that to be your most attractive trait one day. I promise.”

His mother had always told him. He never forgot her words. His mother had always understood him.

His dad….not at all. After his mother passed away, Liam was left with his father and Leo. At least Leo tried to understand him.

Liam’s older brother was a senior. Everyone knew Leo. Liam’s freshman year of high school he was referred to as Leo’s brother.

Leo wasn’t the brightest bulb on the tree, but he made decent grades, enough to stay on whatever sports team he tried out for. That first season was football.

Liam… was a klutz. He was not sports team material. Liam was on the debate team and in glee club. He wasn’t in the popular crowd but had his small tribe of friends. Hana and Drake were his best friends in the whole wide world.

“Who did you get?”

“Nico KH.” Hana responded, she had a light flush on her cheeks.

“What about you?”

“Riley Brooks? I’ve never heard of her? Him?” Liam looked at the paper confused.

“Her, she’s new. She just moved here from New York. She’s in my AP Spanish class.”

“I got Taylor Brooks. Guess that’s her brother? A little direction on this would be nice.”

The secretary ushered them up to the intercom.

Hana began speaking, her voice as clear as a bell.

“The National Honor Society would like to wish the following people a happy birthday.”

She paused, for a moment to compose herself.

“Nico KH, have a happy birthday.”

“Riley Brooks, have a happy birthday.”

“Taylor Brooks, have a happy birthday.”

They all said in union. “Please come to the office to pick up your present courtesy of the National Honor Society.”

Nico showed up to the office first.

Hana walked up to him with their candy bag assortment, and a card to hand to him.

“Have a happy birthday Nico.”

“Thanks Anna.” Nico took the bag and the card and walked back out of the office.

“You’re welcome,” Hana breathed softly.

“Anna? When the hell did you change your name HANA?” Drake burst out laughing.

“Drake Walker, language, and detention!”

Liam laughed with Drake.

“I don’t even care. He was close.”

“Hana close only counts with horseshoes and hand grenades.”

Liam laughed so hard he snorted.

“What’s so funny?”

Liam turned around face to face with a girl wearing glasses similar to his own.

“Nothing, my friends are ridiculous..”

“Oh.”

There was an uncomfortable silence.

“I was called to the office. I’m Riley Brooks.”

Liam straightened his glasses, picking up his gift and card, giving it to her.

Liam cleared his throat. “Have a happy birthday Riley.”

“Thanks. You’re the first person to wish me a happy birthday by myself. Usually….”

Another girl stormed into the office like a hurricane. “Where’s my gift at bitches?!?!?!?”

Standing next to Riley you could see they were twins. However Riley was soft spoken and Taylor was a firecracker.

“Who are you?”

Drake felt a wave of boldness as he walked up to the girl. “You must be Taylor Brooks. I personally wish you a happy birthday.”

“Taylor Brooks? Language, and Detention.”

“On our birthday?!?”

Riley looked uncomfortable next to Taylor. You could see the physically identical features of Riley and Taylor. But that’s where the similarities ended.

Riley was clearly the soft spoken twin. She was dressed what Liam thought was nice, in a pink button down shirt, and a not quite knee length black skirt. Her curly hair pulled up in a ponytail.

Her sister was dressed to easily fit into the popular crowd at school.

But Liam focused his attention on Riley.

“We typically get our birthdays tied together with each other. Six minutes separates our birthday technically.” Riley grumbled.

“Oh it makes sense.”

“It does?” Riley looked irritated.

“No I mean, if your birthday was on Christmas, I would get you two gifts. Not just one. Because it would be two holidays.”

Riley smiled.

“So my birthday is a holiday?” she inquired.

A light pink hue crossed Liam’s face.

“No I meant… I don’t know what I meant…”

“Thank you….”

“Liam. My name is Liam.”

“Thank you Liam.”

Taylor grabbed Riley’s hand. “Let’s get back to class.”

Riley glanced back at Liam and smiled before her sister pulled her through the office door.

“Could twins be any more different?”

“They are technically two different people.” Liam was intrigued by Riley already.

“And I’ve got detention with the cute one this afternoon.”

Liam went by his locker after announcements to get his AP Biology book.

He sat at the table in the front of class.

Just as the bell rang she ran into the door.

“You’re late.”

“Sorry, I’m still trying to figure out my way around.”

“Take a seat.”

She glanced around the room seeing the only familiar face she knew, so she walked over to him.

“Hi Liam.”

“Hi Riley.”

#bebepac writes #happy birthday brandy #birthday fic #trr fanfic #trr fandom #trr au #when liam met riley #another meet cute #liam and riley

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waywardimpalawriter · 3 years ago

Note

Could you do a Bucky/Reader fic for 16 on the smut prompts?

The intimacy of shaving

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader, Sam Wilson x Reader

Bucky Bingo Square: New haircut square

Characters: Bucky Barnes, Sam Wilson, Sarah Wilson

Setting: three months after the end of Falcon and the Winter Soldier

Rating: M (Mature), E (explicit), NSFW, +18 only please

Warnings: fluff, angst, bickering, smut, oral female receiving, yearning, pining, unrequited love, smutty dreams, broken bones, mention of torture, Bucky’s old memories,

Word count: 10,800

Summary: Frustrated with being left behind, worry taking hold after finding out just a fraction of how bad your boys are. Making you start to search your feeling's for both men. Especially with the intimacy of giving Bucky a hair cut and shave. Unexpected emotions surface on all parts.

Notes: Sequel too “My own worse enemy," filling in a bingo square for #buckybingo and also an Anon request asking for smut prompt #16 “I’m going to die if you don’t let me cum.” Hope you don't mind me adding Sam into the mix sweetie. Also for my head cannon Sam uses Delacroix LA for his base of operation. Wanting to help take care of his family while taking on the mantle of Captain America. Hope you enjoyed doll.

Tag list’s: Are open

@buckybingo

Forever’s: @jedi-mando @chickensarentcheap

Bucky Barnes list: @learisa @eclipses-and-moondust

Story list: @sammyissassy @feelmyroarrrr

Wearing a path from the kitchen to living room ignoring Sarah’s stare, thumb nail damn near nibbled to the bed with how much your chewing the poor abused finger. Cell phone pressed to your ear, listening to Sams deep baritone, “What’d ya mean three places Samuel? How the f-ing hell did you both managed to get so banged up?”

“Explanations will roll out once we touch down Y/N for now know at least he didn’t break his funny bone that’s still none existence,” glancing towards Bucky stretched out over the metal helo bench. Right arm in a sling snug to his body, thick plaster cast covering from mid bicep to mid palm, fingers still visible.

“I heard that and I do to have a sense of humor just not your brand of stupid jokes bird brain,” deep voice unmistakably Bucky’s catching a wobble in the cadence not there when last they spoke.

Swiping a hand over your face wanting to kill them both for leaving you behind. Plans to do just that forming in your mind while snarking, “Remind me again why exactly you chose to leave me behind?”

Staying home you could’ve possibly worked with, the unknown danced on your nerves more than you’d give credit to. Having grown even closer to both men over the last six months, always brushing those pesky feelings and thoughts away that surface during weak moments of worry or sleep.

“To dangerous and I’m not arguing with you on those semantics it’s bad enough cyborg got the shit beaten out of him,” quickly pulling the phone from his ear at the high pitched sound from down the line. Forgetting a moment your attachment to both men, “You finished?”

Low growl in answer, biting off the curses you wish to fling at both Captain America and the Winter Soldier. “Don’t worry you’re in for it once you get home. ETA?” Checking the watch strapped to your left wrist, “I’ll come pick y’all up, gotta stop in town for supplies anyway.”

“No worries my trucks at base I’ll get Buck and myself home.” Glancing at his watch, “Landing in about two hours, think you can grab a couple of Miss Bridgette’s pecan pies?”

Too many years working with that man not to know what he likes, “For the shit you and Barnes pulled get your own pie man.” Soft chuckles lets you know Sarah heard you. Eyes locking with her’s for a moment seeing the worry in those warm browns matching as you knew in your own. “Just bring you asses home so Sarah and I can roast them.”

Almost feeling the deep groan from over the phone line, “What did you tell her?”

“Nothing since that’s what I got,” shaking head tips to the side picking up on Sam’s easy breathing and the helo’s engines in the back ground. “Just get home dumbass,” affection in your tone. Ending the call, slipping the cell into your front pocket to flop down into the worn out but still comfortable couch.

“They get hurt?” Anxiety tainting her voice from across the room.

Peeking through your fingers at her, dropping them to your thighs to run the length of denim covered skin, “Don’t know really, Sam sounds fine but a concussion or another type of head injury wouldn’t show it’s self right away. From what I did gather they finished up the mission a little over four hours ago, in flight for the last two.”

“What about Bucky?” Meeting your eyes having confided in her years ago about the crush harbored for a certain metal armed ex-assassin turned Cap’s left hand man. Always leaving out the other part of your secret crush. “Speaking of which you ever gonna tell them how you feel?”

“Busting chops about that again Sarah?” Exasperated sigh marches passed barely parted lips, “Something’s broke in three places that’s all Sam ‘Stubborn ass’ Wilson would say. Just not which one of them or what body part exactly.” Firmly ignoring her last question and not picking up on the fact she said them instead of him. To stand hands to hips, leaning back to stretch and possibly pop your spine. “I’m going to town you wanna come or need anything.”

“And you call Sam stubborn,” head shaking with a fond smile tipping her lips upward. Picking up the subtle shift in your demeanor as relief floods your system with knowing they're coming home at least safe. Having guessed your feelings for her older brother not long ago however, keeping that little tidbit to herself. “I’ll come with, give you company and grief along the way. The boy’s won’t come home till later anyway.”

Eyes roll you reach for the car keys on the coffee table, patting your back pocket to check for wallet and the front for cell phone. “Ready to roll?”

Hour and a half later arms loaded with grocery bags, making sure to hide Miss Bridgette’s pie’s from Sam, you and Sarah set to work putting everything away. Setting to work fixing dinner efficiently dancing around each other like a well oiled machine working together in tandem getting each task done. Back door quietly trying to open, Sam poking his head around the well loved oak wood door. Showing a face littered with cuts, a busted bottom lip and dark shadow of a black eye around his left. But his smile still widens flashing pearly whites at seeing the two of you. Entering, Sam places a large locking suit case and round leather carry case not far from the door.

Soft gasp leave’s Sarah’s lips, quickly moving towards her brother to look him over, “You were ugly before now it’s just worse bro.”

Snort existed through his nose, stepping fully into the house with a limp on his right side, accepting the hug she gives him carefully. “You should see the other guy.”

“I’m the other guy,” voice slightly strained but still light almost playful unlike the Bucky of months ago. Though seeing him coming around Sam, arm cradled close in a black cloth sling. Peeks of plaster noticeable making you groan, head shaking at the very sight of him. Assortment of bruises littered his face, his own busted lip, and a three inch cut circling just above his collarbone. Seeing the storm brewing in your eyes, “No we didn’t fight and Sam didn’t cause these wonderful souvenirs.”

“Stupid ass got captured, wouldn’t listen to my plan…”

“You didn’t have a plan Sam not a logistical one…”

“Oh, so you bulldozing in like a raging bull in a China shop worked so well. Who got capture?” Pressing a finger behind his ear to lift the shell listening for Bucky’s answer. “I’m sorry I can’t hear you. You’re gonna say you right Robo soldier cause that’s the correct answer.”

Exasperated with them both, “Shut it and sit down dinner’s ready. I swear the two of you fight worse than Cass and AJ.” Authority ringing through Sarah’s tone cutting eyes at both men.

“Oh sweetheart Cass and AJ have nothing on these two bone heads, more maturity in their little bodies than both of them put together.” Rubbing your temples trying to fend off the building migraine behind your eyes. “Listening to constant bickering I wanna put them in a ‘Get along shirt.'”

Scowl in place while giving them a full once over. Cataloguing the damage you could see and wondering about that which you couldn’t. Noticing the length of Bucky’s hair almost a shaggy just falling a little over his ears and brushing the collar of the black t-shirt he’s wearing. Full beard dusting his cheeks and chin reminding you of those days long gone back in Wakanda. In contrast to Sam’s neatly kept mustache and goatee, close cropped haircut smartly framing his handsome face. Looking much like the day he and Bucky left three months ago on their reconnaissance mission. Knowing better as looks deceive and clothes cover up places eyes can’t see without stripping them naked. The very thought peeking interest but pushing those thoughts back with a frown. Of course it doesn’t stop you from wanting to hug them both mindful of injures unseen that brings a scowl to your features.

“You wouldn’t?” Traces of fear slicing through those deep russet browns. “I thought you loved me Y/N?”

Speaking over Sam, “What’s a ‘Get along’ shirt?”

Caught between wanting to roll her eyes and chuckle, “It’s a big shirt we’d put the two of you in till ya stop bickering like children and actually get along.” Dishing up dinner, Sarah looks towards both men. Trying hard not to burst out laughing at the sour look on Sam’s face nor the still slightly confused one on Bucky’s.

“I see smoke coming from his ears,” snarky quip receiving a back handing smack to his arm.

Bowel’s placed at the table, “Aim for the head next time Sar.” Taking the seat on Sam’s right offering him a cheekily smile, “Might actually knock the few brain cells he has left around and jump start the hamster running the wheel.”

“You both wound me,” clutching his chest dramatically. “With friends and family like this who can you trust.”

“Dramatic’s must come with handling the shield,” cerulean eyes rolling edged with teasing tone. Glancing towards Sam first then you beside him, going to explain for Sarah’s benefit. “Steve could put on some high melodrama back in the day. Much like Samuel here.” Scratching at his chin with vibranium fingers, a low hiss only you catch sounds when the plates catch the little hairs.

Scoffing, “Only Sarah calls me that first off, second look who’s talking Mr. Bionic Staring machine scaring off everyone who comes within two feet. Dramatics run through your veins just as well. ”

“Children,” both women exclaim hands coming down to slam the table at the same. Before time digging into dinner as the back door opens with Cass and AJ storming inside with excited chatter upon seeing both Sam and Bucky.

Each asking about what happened, how’d the mission go and why exactly Bucky’s sporting a sling and cast. All questions peeking the interested of both women with brows raised and narrowed eyes.

“Settle in first and eat dinner,” Sam intones wanting to keep most of what happened from his family. “For the most part the mission went successful.”

Very unladylike snort leaves your nose hidden behind a glass of sweet tea you sip from, “At least you came back in one piece or three in someone’s case.” Eyes narrow even farther on Bucky who has the good graces to look sheepish and divert his eyes.

“But the super serum why didn’t it help like that,” AJ snapped his little fingers for emphasis on the quickness the serum should work or so he thinks.

“Doesn’t quiet work that way AJ,” Bucky starts running a hand through his longer than usual hair. Giving a short frustrated tug before returning to the topic at hand. “Yeah the serum helps speed up the healing process it’s not instantaneous and,” pausing to side eye you not wanting to admit there’s more injures than just his arm.

Scowl returning having a feeling you know why he’s paused in explaining, “Takes longer to heal when multiple injures are involved.”

Dinner finishes with other questions, skirting the full truth about the mission, discussing the coming week with work and school. Sam’s boyish smile appears when Sarah brings out the pie, cutting out slices to pass around with Reddi-whip, coffee for the adults, milk for the kids. Silence settles for a moment the enjoyment of pie more important to savor and only once done do you raise to start cleaning up.

“I’ll,” shooting Sarah a look with a shake of your head.

“You got paperwork to catch up on babe I’ve got this, besides Sam volunteered to help. Didn’t you Sam?” Shooting a look his way, clearly speaking volumes if the answer comes back no.

Brow arched in question but thought better then to ask, though he flips the script on you, “Of course, Bucky volunteer’s.” Quickly moving away from the hand threatening to land a hard punch to his right thigh. Almost toppling to the floor in his hast to move Sam tweaked his hip a twinge of pain slicing through his features.

“Serves you right Wilson,” thought a slice of regret skates across your thoughts. Head shaking you stand gathering plates as the boys excuse themselves to play video games.

“Homework first or I’m taking those games away,” Sarah yells after them looking in your direction for a second. “You got these two?” Pointing at each of them in turn with her own frown dropping her lips downward.

“Sadly yes,” exasperation clearly written in the rigidness of you stance and narrowing to slits of your eyes. “Blissfully unaware or want to know everything?”

“Unaware I’m just happy their back whole,” nodding Sarah takes her leave, heading for the home office.

Times flown, six months in fact since Karli’s death and Sam taking over the mantle of Captain America. Going above and beyond to change how the worlds become and see’s the shield. Using Delacroix as home base to keep himself grounded and around for his family. Surprisingly enough including you and Bucky the house feels a touch over crowded but wouldn’t want things any different.

“Care to explain what that means?” Limping with hands full towards the sink, Sam places his arm load down watching you move around the kitchen. Putting leftovers up, setting to work on the dishes, the familiarity you exude warms a place in Sam’s heart. Always pushing those thoughts from his mind, your his best friend and wouldn’t see him in any other way. Especially with your heart firmly filled with Bucky.

Giving your back to both men and only acknowledging their presence when Bucky comes over with a bowel. “Thanks,” leaves your lips with a nod.

“We’re sorry for leaving you behind Y/N, but Sam and I agreed things were to dangerous neither of us wanted you to get hurt,” trying to reason Bucky leans his back against the counter beside you. Tugging once again at his too long hair that gets slightly tangled in the plates of his fingers.

“You actually agreed on something?” Catching his actions, your head shakes grabbing for the towel to dry soapy hands and help with his dilemma. “Instead you both come back looking like train wreck’s all beaten, broken and bruised. With a busted arm,” finished with untangling his fingers to point at his arm. Whirling around to assess Sam who’s trying not to put weight on his right leg, “Banged up hip and God know what else internally. Neither one of you are spring chickens for heaven’s sake.”

“Don’t know what your talking about Y/N? I’m not a day over twenty-five,” taking an aim to make you smile and ease the tension in your shoulders. Frown appearing when your countenance doesn’t change but deepens, “Talk to the resident Centurion who got his ass captured and tortured for over a week.”

Low growl leaves your lips pursed together in a grim line, “Do either of you think about the consequences of your actions? Of what’ll happen without either of you in this God forsaking world?” Tossing your hands up and turning back to dish washing, something to keep from chocking the life outta the two of them, or spilling your inner most thoughts. Afraid to loose either man the very thought making your heart clinch painfully in your chest, breathing picking up as tears gloss over your eyes. Plates clang loudly, forcefully slamming them into the drying rack making both men wince at your actions.

“Y/N,” coming up behind you large warm hands carefully rest on tense shoulders. Aware of your feelings for a certain cyborg the thought a little bitter to take but Sam resigns himself to the role of best friend. “We’re sorry really,” taking a breath and clearing his throat wanting to make amends and explain. “We thought, planned, things just…”

“Went to shit around us, it’s not like Sam or I wanted to get the crap beating out of us doll it just,” shrugging vibranium hand coming to rest on your shoulder beside Sam’s. “Got complicated.”

Taking a deep breath drawing in the scents of Sam’s citrus and cider wood cologne you couldn’t put your finger on naming, mixing with Bucky’s old world sandalwood base cologne of 4711. Eyes close for a moment blinking back the tears, and to gather thoughts, righting them in an order that makes sense. Trying to keep out the feelings currently jumbling up your brain. “I know,” body sags back against Sam’s strong chest while unconsciously leaning towards Bucky’s hand. “Neither of you will do that shit again. Do I make myself clear?”

“Not if things go dark side like this time, we’re not putting you in harms way,” feeling you stiffen Sam steps back, Bucky’s hand drops back to his side when you whirl on the man behind you. Stance ridge and firm, Sam crosses his arms adding his own glare and not backing down. “My decision is final on the matter and no amount of arguing will change that.”

Understanding Sam’s position, however the thought of staying behind, waiting to find out if… no you push those thoughts aside. “Mine, that’s who makes the choice not either of you,” heat of annoyance flaring to life as you look between the two men. “Knowing what I signed up for, choose to stick around and help put this broken blue marble we call home back together. I won’t sit out the next mission we clear on that?”

Rubbing the back of his neck, barely audible hiss leaves Bucky’s lips at having hair yanked out by the roots. Though his voice is steady when asking, “Why did you stick around? Thought once Walker handed over the shield, the Flag smashers agenda crashed and burned you’d skip out on the next train back to normal.” Not that he minded of course, in fact Bucky rather enjoyed your company, reminded him of those first months out of cryo getting to know each other. Plus his questions distracted you from getting an answer that won’t satisfy.

“I have my reasons,” giving a half hearted shrug you turn back to finishing up the dishes not really wanting to explain. Not fully sure yourself why you’ve stuck around though deep down you know it has to do with both men. “Reasons neither of you need to know.”

Sharing a look with Bucky, “Don’t pull that shit with us sweetheart you demand answers now we ask the same in return.”

Sure they still argued like an old married couple but a begrudging understanding has built between the pair, coming to an almost friendship neither would fully admit to. Both wanting to protect the small family friend’s circle patched together like grandma’s old quilt. Tattered, frayed and a few wholes but well loved and always cared for. Eyes landing back on you to watch the forward slump of your shoulders rounded inward along with your chin dropped to your chest.

“I have the two of you house broken,” idea forming to steer the conversation away. “Don’t need that headache on repeat and I wouldn’t leave the two of you bone heads alone to kill each other or drive poor Sarah crazy,” quicker than either can react you’ve scooped up hand fulls of soap bubbles to smash into both their faces. Deflecting the conversation away from having to answer and lightening the mood. Or so you hoped with the playfully murderous looks both men shoot you. Skirting Sam’s grabby hands heading to put the kitchen table between yourself, Captain America and the Winter Soldier. “Now boys that’s just all in good fun and your both hurt so I suggest you think about your actions before retaliating.”

Wiping the remains of soapy bubbles from his face, thick fingers making wet tracks over denim to dry hands. Sam edges a little closer intent on trying to snag your arm. That ghosts through his fingers, “For now but remember paybacks a bitch sweetheart.” Bright smile tugs his full lips, head shaking though he knows there’s so much more your hiding from both he and Bucky. One day he’ll crack that secret you hold so dear, for now Sam lets you cling tightly.

Watching him go you turn towards Bucky who’s smirk sets you back a moment. “I don’t think I like that look Barnes,” arms crossed mustering a half glare. “Sam’s right you really can see the smoke rising from your head.”

“Hahaha that jokes getting old,” light hearted quip falling from his lips, eyes raking your form as you near the sink. Catching you looking between finishing the dishes and making sure Bucky’s not going to retaliate. “I come in peace promise besides I’m too old for revenge I’ll leave it to you young whipper snappers,” throwing his voice to sound like an old man.

Laughter rings full and deep from your parted lips, soapy hands gripping the sink to keep from toppling over in mirth. His own chuckle exists on a grin, cerulean eyes taking in how carefree you look. Tension and worry melted away with his well played grandpa joke. Making Bucky wish he got to see you like this more often but then he remembered why he never searched. Why he left you alone and only within the last ten or so months managed to reconnect the missing dots in his life. Sure there’s still blood on his hands he tries to scrub clean with each mission, to make those amends and not just avenge. But truly help people in ways that didn’t require lead or blood.

Still wondering, so he gives voice to those thoughts, “Why didn’t you go back to your life doll?” Feeling he’s perpetuated a grave error in asking the question but a part of him wants. No needed the answer to know why you’d give up a happy life for one of danger and uncertainty with him and Sam.

Sobering, his question hitting you like a ton of cement bricks keeping you from turning to face him. Wincing when another hiss echos around inside your head from your right side. “Tell you what Buck you let me cut that hair and beard of yours I’ll answer your questions.”

“I get you don’t… wait… what?” Not sure he’d heard you right. Pain making a return to fog his brain for the moment as throbbing radiates across his broken clavicle to the dislocated shoulder, dancing along the fractured radius and painfully tingling his fingers. Soft curse exists his lips reminding himself to take Sam’s suggestions next time though he wouldn’t let the other man know. “Don’t happen to have any pain meds do ya doll?”

Eyes narrow, “Which parts did they break?” Holding up a hand to stop him from answering while you head towards your room. Grabbing up the small med kit Sharon gave you months back for times like these. Pausing to scoop up the hair scissors and trimer, along with a shaver and cream, both of which belonging to Sam. “Now you were saying?”

Placing everything on the table, unzipping the medium size unassuming black bag pulling out a small bottle to pop the top and wiggle out two pills. Handing those over to Bucky who just stares at them resting in his metal palm.

“Trying to kill me doll?” Teasing tone to the cadence of his words while popping them into his mouth and excepting the glass of water. Downing in one go and handing it back, “Never did like pills reminds me of Steve.”

Resting a gentle hand on his bad shoulder, “If I tried to kill ya Buck you’d see it coming,” snickering at the wide eyed look he gives you. Sobering with understanding filled eyes that stay locked with his, “I’m sorry it”s not my intentions to bring up the past.” Moving to put the glass down, you stay at the sink looking out over the backyard, orange and reds dancing over the rippling surface of the bayou. Sinking sun creating a cornucopia of color heralding the on coming twilight and the end of another day.

“You didn’t Y/N,” coming to stand next to you watching the golden ball of life giving light slowly sink into the horizon. On the tip of his tongue to speak about Steve, the abandonment he felt acutely with the absence of his best friend. Slowly filled by your present, that of Sam’s and his family. “I guess ‘Till the end of the line’ meant just till he could get back to who he really missed.” Anguish heard loudly through soft spoken words not meant for your ears but once uttered there’s no going back.

Out of your peripheral vision you study Bucky for a moment heart breaking for the man who’s lost so much to then fully face him. His own gaze staying straight ahead staring unseen out the window with tan lace curtains framing the coming twilight. Over head light casting shadows in the hallows and angles of his features, bringing out the bruises highlighting the cuts, making your heart ache for this man in ways you’ve tried to push aside. Ways you didn’t want it to feel in case of rejection but couldn’t help the tightening in your chest nor the want to embrace and hold Bucky close.

“Come on,” without thinking your hand slips into his vibranium palm tugging till he follows and only dropping to scoop up trimmer, combs and scissors before heading out the back door.

For a moment Bucky stood there thankful to Shuri for the ability to feel warmth and the weight of your hand in his vibranium limb. The very thoughts your simple gesture conjures damns his heart making it beat triple time. When your head pops back around the door sweet smile crossing those kissable lips. Bucky has to remind himself you’re off limits friends nothing more and to breath. Your beauty stealing the air from his lungs, making it hard to focus on anything except your present.

Catching the out of focus look in his cerulean eyes mind swirling with questions as to what he’s thinking about. “You gonna stand there taking root or get your silly ass out here,” motioning with a jerk of your head over your shoulder smile still firmly in place. Making sure he’s actually moving before existing to place a stool about middle of the back porch. Patting the hardwood barstool then reaching up to tug on the pull string as light floods the area casting a bright glow.

Transfixed for a moment in the doorway with the peek of skin allowed to his eyes. Your heather grey band shirt riding up teasingly tormenting him. Cursing internally, tongue trapped between indenting teeth to keep the sounds at bay. Till the hard slap of your palm against wooden seat draws his attentions and he robotically takes the seat. Stiffening with the fluttering of a barber’s cape hating to have things around his neck. Only to settle once you have it in place and buttoned reminding him your not there to hurt or torture him. Fingers brushing lightly over the exposed skin of his neck, creating goosebumps to dance across his flesh.

“Not too tight?” Gently running nimble fingers through his hair, blunt nails scratching the scalp. Finding it hard to keep from rubbing into your hands and fighting the urge to purr with each pass. You work the larger knots out carefully, pulling a comb from the back pocket of your jeans to run through his hair. “You with me Buck?”

“Hmm?” Simple noise issues from the back of his throat lost in the tingling sensations your fingers bloom across his body. Wanting to chase the feeling bringing peace to his mind much like the soft cadence your voice takes on with the intimacy surrounding the two of you. Sweet chuckle music to his ears and snaps him back to now, noticing you’ve paused your hands waiting for a response, “Sorry no I’m good.”

“Enjoying yourself Barnes?” Teasingly quipped while adjusting the cape to cover his back. Making sure all his hair lays over the edges and carefully combing out the smaller knots your fingers missed. Secretly enjoying the soft chestnut strands as they curl around your fingers. Massaging his scalp hoping to relax his tense posture when a particularly stubborn knot has you accidentally giving a not so gentle tug. Garnering a low moan from the man in front of you. “Sorry Buck,” working the knot out with a little more care taking the sound as one of pain.

Throat clearing, thankful his crotch is currently covered to not give away the secret he’s concealing. Praying to all the heavens you’ve taken the moan as one of pain instead of pleasure that’s surfing through his veins with a simple hair pull. “Yes, and it’s fine,” words pushed passed lips held taunt to keep from letting any sound out. Searching his mind for a topic to settle on, willing his body to stop reacting to the warmth of yours.

Each brush of fingers sends heat flaring to life along his nerves. Knowing the pain killers don’t worked through his system that quickly. Yet, the throbbing ache once present has diluted to a low annoying thump with the heat of your hands on his cotton covered shoulder. Wanting to lean back into your body but holds himself ridge from doing something stupid like enjoying the moment. Therefore clears his throat, “You’ve got me at your mercy doll ready to answer my questions?”

“Should I worry what you’ll ask?” Moving from behind him to head back into the kitchen. Grabbing the empty spray bottle to fill with warm water and head back out.

Eyes close with the first spritz of water, chin dropping to chest as you work to wet his hair. “Why?”

“Why what?” Knowing what he’s asking, your distracted for a moment putting the spray bottle’s trigger through a belt loop incase its needed once your satisfied with the wetness of his hair. “I’ll need more specifics than just why. Why’s the sky blue? Why’s it so damn hot? So many why questions you gotta stop wasting your breath Buck.”

“Cheeky doll very cheeky you know damn well what I mean,” keeping his head still to prevent you from severing an ear.

Smirking, setting to work on trimming up the top back portion of his head, trying to keep from childishly making faces. “Sure don’t Sarge.”

Groan slipping passed before he’s able to trap and swallow the sound at the off handed use of his military rank. Wondering which deity had it out for his ass today. Cursing the fact he’s let you so close to breath in the flowery scent of your body. Gentle use of those skilled fingers through his hair not making things any better for the growing problem tenting his jeans. Returning to himself when you move to his left shortening the hair over his ear. “Why’d you stay with us? I thought,” remembering those painful words back in Madripoor. “I thought you had a happy life to go back to.”

“Ear hustling Barnes?” Switching sides and glancing down with a raised brow you know he doesn’t see.

Looking up to try and catch your eye your focus on cutting his hair makes the attempt impossible. So he settles on, “Don’t know what you mean doll. Just asking a question,” trying to hold the shiver at bay when your fingers brush over the shell of his ear.

“Since your asking it means you didn’t hear everything Sam and I talked about,” thankful that’s the case or things would get a whole lot complicated. “I lied.”

Head whipping to the side so quickly you fear he’s damaged his neck with the wince taking over his handsome features. “Lied why?”

“Reasons,” ‘Ones I won’t tell you James,’ speaking the last words in your mind, careful probing fingers check for anything popped out. Garnering a hiss of pain when you’ve found the break in his clavicle. “What did you break besides the hamster running your wheel brain?”

Bitting off the curse as pain flared over his right side. Gritting out, “Clavicle, dislocated shoulder, fractured radius, you can see the cuts and bruises so take it a little easy on this old man.”

“How… Why did you get captured?” Worry fights fear both dance with anger marching through your veins as a Thanksgiving Day parade band would down the streets of New York City. The very thought of both your men hurt and so far away from home torn a hole in your heart. Thoughts you try to push away and focus on the job of cutting Bucky’s hair.

Finishing up what you could on the back of his head, Bucky feels you come around to the front. Knees spread to accommodate your body, closing his eyes to keep from staring at your breasts. Licking suddenly dry lips with having you extra close, he tries to gather an answer to your question. “We needed an in so I made a decision.”

“One I’m sure Sam disagreed on,” carding your fingers through the top, snipping pieces checking length. Jealous over how soft his hair feels between your digits. Woodsy pine scent reaching your nose that twitches in pleasure at the fragrance matching what you always thought he’d smell like.

“Yeah well we ran out of time doll. Couldn’t let what remains of LAF get away,” eyes quickly open only to slam shut again with having you still too near for his own good.

Every brush of your fingers, thighs brushing against his with every move, your flowery scent wrapping around his heart to squeeze tight. Breath punched from his lungs when your knee makes slight contact with his erection. Shooting pleasurable fireworks off behind his closed lids. Wishing for your hands on his body, wondering what they’d feel like over bare skin. If you’d shy away from the scars littering his flesh or… he wouldn’t, didn’t need to think about the alternative.

Unsure why he gasped you move from between his legs and look upon his face confused as to his ridge posture eyes held tightly closed. Insecurities rushing through your mind, setting up shop to remind you no man let alone someone as handsome as Bucky would ever want to look at you. Shoving back those thoughts to ask, “You okay Bucky?”

“Fucking fabulous doll,” bitting out the words while trying to reign in the need to grab hold of your hips, bringing you back against him. Wanting to find out if you’d fit as good or better than what he’s imagined during those dream filled nights he doesn’t talk about with anyone. “Finished?” Praying you’ll say yes, the temptation becoming almost unbearable.

Unconvinced by his words but pushes that aside and stepping farther back to round him, grabbing up the trimmer on the way with a numbered comb. “Almost but then I still have your beard to do.”

“Fuck,” low gravely voice intones the single word hoping you’ve not heard and cursing the heaven for this test of his will and desires. In another life Bucky wouldn’t have hesitated to ask you out, wine and dine with dancing till midnight. Taking you home with a simple kiss of promise with more to come. But he’s different now and you don’t deserve to have a broken man on your hands.

Swallowing harshly to cover your growing need to escape and bury yourself in another program or book to distract from those awful thoughts running around in your mind. Replaying all the brush offs and look aways as rejection shattering your heart. Pushing you to finish his new hair cut that much quicker. “Done, now how short you want your beard?”

“Gone,” knowing exactly what he’s saying and damning himself to the torture of a different kind.

Coming back in front of him, you slip between his parted knees so easily a thought you try to push away while switching the trimmer combs and flicking the on button. Carefully cupping his left cheek while shortening the right for a closer shave once your done. “Surely you didn’t just let them capture you.” Returning to a safer subject other than how good his bearded jaw felt in your warm palm. Wondering how it’d feel in other places.

“Offered myself up for a little bloody torture and a few broken bones. I’m here to tell the tale instead of those guys Y/N. They're off the streets and we have the information needed to finish taking down LAF.” Teeth gritting to keep from rubbing his jaw into your palm, from turning to kiss the center and devour you with his mouth.

Pausing a moment, “But you could’ve gotten killed James.” Sorrow coloring the cadence of your tone, eyes filled with fear at what could’ve happened. “You should’ve called me, I could’ve helped.”

Heart stopping, never had you spoken his first name, always Bucky or Buck, Barnes when your angry but never James. Opening his darken cerulean orbs breath trapped somewhere between lungs and mouth at the sorrow written deep in those eyes he never could not stare into. Heart hammering back to life with the subtle brushing of your fingers over his cheek, “Would it have matter?”

Confusion tips your head to the side, “What you dying or me helping?”

“Dying,” single word dropped like a bomb destroying everything in the path.

“James,” softly spoken with so much emotion held within the countenance of your features. Watching the ghosts float through those beautiful cerulean eyes, memories of a time he couldn’t control, of deeds done to people who didn’t deserve the pain and death he dealt out as the Fist of Hydra. Tears gloss over your eyes once again trying to blink them away to keep them from clogging your emotions filled throat. “It matter’s Barnes, matters to a lot of people you’re just too stubborn to realize that.” Shaking your head to clear the fog and get back to work.

Speechless Bucky just sits there letting you finish up trimmer the hair away as if trying to erase the past months, the torture he let happen with no regard to his personal well being. During this time your words chase around his mind, combined with Sam’s out right demand of him to never put himself in harms way like that again. Adding more questions added than any true answers. Delicate fingers brush over trimmed facial hair bringing him back to the present right as you move to take the barber’s cape from around his neck. Missing the warmth of your touch, heat radiating from your body, your scent filling his nose and making him drunk on you.

Folding the cape to drape over your arm, “I’ll shave you as well come back inside.” Voice slightly rough with unshed tears avoiding looking directly at Bucky and missing the longing written in the ocean pools. Mistaking his lack of response for rejection of your words and feelings. You enter the house placing the small hand load down and moving a chair over towards the sink. Returning to grab up the shaving cream and razor, pulling a fresh wash cloth from the draw by the sink too wet it hot.

“You don’t have to,” entering and closing the back door with the heel of his boot. Bucky leans against the counter watching you with a closed expression. Pain dull but still worming its way through his veins along with so many thoughts.

Glancing his way, “I know,” motioning with a wave of your hand, “but if I don’t that beard’ll come back in short order and we’ll have to do this all over again.” Going for playful to ease the tension built from the lingering words of out on the porch, “Bring your ass over here Buck.”

Your change in mood has a confused frown pulling his mouth down but complies with the order. Taking up the seat with spread legs and turned up face watching you wring out the wash cloth. Using your elbow and tipping his head back to gently place the hot cloth around what’s left of his beard to soften the hair and wake up the pores. Catching the small muffled groan, “To hot?”

“No, perfect,” faintly hearing the two simple words you grab up the shaving cream to put a generous amount in your palm before pulling the quickly cooling cloth from his face. Tossing it towards the sink and applying a layer of cream to his skin. Left overs rinsed from your hands quickly before drying and grasping the razor with steady hands. “Just a little off the top if you please,” boyish smirk slips over his lips tipping cream covered cheeks up while trying to be funny.

Eyes rolling, “To late for that one top’s already taken care of.” Using the pad of your thumb to push the skin of his cheek taunt. Carefully dragging the razor over his flesh intending to keep your gaze directed towards working the blade over his check. However, you’re unable to do so while cleaning the razor as your eyes dart up catching the fact Bucky’s gaze firmly rests on your face. Heat blooming across your body, eyes drop back to his cheek intent on getting finished quickly to avoid any farther embarrassment.

Meanwhile Bucky maps every feature of your face, the slant of your nose, set of your eyes, cupids bow of your top lip. Visions of drawing the plump flesh in for a bite and pull before letting go with a wet pop, filter through his mind. Finding himself in a rather precarious predicament, thighs spread to accommodate your body, his palms itch to grasp and tug you into his lap. Bitting back a moan each touch brings, the gentleness tearing a new hole in armored covered heart. Wanting to keep you out but finding it harder to do every time you show the kindness his life lacked for decades.

Minds eye drawing the curves of your cheeks, lips twitching to caress, fingers tapping trapped in plaster and cloth against his body. Wanting to brush his knuckles over your throat to gently grasp the back of your neck and bring your lips against his for a slow sweet drink of the tempting cavern of your warm mouth. Only snapping back to reality with the soft brush of your fingers along his jawline.

Searching for any hairs left behind, soothingly palming his cheeks with cool hands desperate to taste his skin. Drag your lips over the same spots the razor just graced. Teasing the tip of your tongue along the hard edge of his jaw to place a kiss just below his ear. Tempted to even suck a mark for everyone to see. You swallow harshly removing your hands from his cheeks to rinse and warm up the cloth to clean off any residual shaving cream from his face.

“Finished,” clearing your emotions clogged throat, stepping towards the sink, your profile the only side Bucky sees as you work to clean up the mess.

Feeling rather than hearing him stand heat radiating of his body just a few inches shy of brushing against yours. “Thank you doll,” impulsively leaning forward to brush his lips over your cheek. Lingering longer than he should but unable too stop himself from pressing soft slight chapped lips to the corner of your mouth. “Next time I need shavin’ I know who to come too,” breathing the words before pulling away, taking his leaving quickly to keep from doing something even stupider. Like wrap you up into his arms and actually kissing those pillow soft lips. Backdoor swinging closed a little harder than he meant in his bid to get away from your warmth and tempting body.

Frozen in place, skin tingling from just that slight press while your heart beats almost out of your chest. Pounding against your rib cage so hard fear it’ll crack a rib any second now. White knuckles grip the sinks edge, heat flaring across your body to pool low and throb through your lady parts. Thighs unconsciously rub together needing friction to alleviate the ache growing between your legs.

“Did you cut him or take a hunk of hair out and now he looks like Frankenstein monster?” Teasing tone to his quip, Sam enters the kitchen still staring at the back door. Having watched the exchange from the darkened hallway. Reverting his eyes to your back, taking in the ridge posture of your spine with a slight very subtle shake. “Y/N what’s wrong?” Swiftly coming up behind you, hands gripping your shoulders to turn you around. “Did Bucky say or do something wrong?” Worry creasing his brow the want to hold you close growing with each second your not in his arms.

Looking up into the kind russet eyes flashing with concern and worry, “No,” head shaking, “no he didn’t Sam just…” unable to stop yourself from burying your body against Sam’s firm chest. Trying to figure out how to explain what’s running around in your head. The indecision, thoughts you know shouldn’t roll through your mind doing just that as your arms wind around his trim waist.

“Just what sweetheart?” Wanting to help smooth things over between his two best friends even if it meant swallowing his own feelings.

Keeping your eyes closed, breathing in his cedar wood and citrus scent, burying your nose against his collarbone. Always able to calm the raging storm of emotions boiling through your veins. Confusion setting in with those same tingles you feel when Bucky touches you now dances across your body at the warmth of Sam’s arms cradling you close. Reminding you of earlier when his chest pressed to your back strong hands gently placed on your shoulders. The shiver you suppressed at the touch of both men. At the memory your eyes pop open and you quickly push away from Sam as if he’s burnt you. Needing to escape and figure out what’s going on.

“Nothing, it doesn’t matter, I’m sorry,” feet quickly taking you from the kitchen into the safe arms of your bedroom.

Missing the confused look marring Sam’s face that turns into hurt at the way you’ve shoved him aside. Body sagging against the counter, hand rubbing at the back of his neck searching for what’s changed in such a short period of time.

“Men, blind and just plain foolish,” landing a hard hit to his shoulder, which he rubs to alleviate the pain. Sarah comes up beside her older brother with a raised brow. “Still don’t get it? Searching for exactly why she reacted so strongly? Think Samuel use that big brain you have and actually put it to good use.”

Frown creasing between his eyes and drawing his lips down, “Left behind sucks Sarah that’s all it amounts to. But we… I couldn’t have her along, wouldn’t risk her life like that.”

“Has nothing to do with leaving her home Sam,” giving him a meaningful look that still bewilders him. “Why didn’t you want her along but you took Bucky with you?”

“He’s a super soldier Sar he can take the hits not that I want him hurt either. Shit when he let himself get captured,” moving towards the abandoned chair to plop down heavily. “He scared the living shit outta me, I thought…” hard to swallow the memories of watching those men pulling an unconscious Bucky into a van. Driving off before he could plant a tracker and barely able to get up with bruised ribs making breathing painful. Sam runs a hand over the short hair unsure when things got so complicated between the three of them.

Pulling up a chair in front of Sam, “You’d lost him?” Seeing the nod Sarah’s features softened knowing from the tell’s she picked up watching the three of them for so long. “You love them?”

“What?” Head whipping up so quickly making Sam wince. “Of course I do but not like that I mean their family, you know I’ll do anything to protect my family.”

Hand resting on his shoulder, “You keep telling yourself that big bro maybe one day you’ll actually believe it and able to push those feelings away good enough to keep them at arms length.” Looking up at her, “Just a word of advice,” seeing him nod, “don’t push those emotions away, you deserve that love they both would readily give you.”

*****************************

Softly closing the door behind you heading towards the ensuite bathroom for a nice cold shower, preforming your nightly routine, and shutting off every light except the one beside your bed. Falling into the soft mattress with your current book keeping you company for the rest of the night. Eyes start to droop, words blur and you read the same sentence half a dozen times. Book falling against your chest as a yawn takes over your features.

Body stretching out against cool sheets jumping when a soft knock echos around your room, eyes darting towards the clock to see its just a little passed mid night. Slowly getting out of bed, pulling the extra long dark blue with little pink flowers dotting the sleep shirt down to cover your ass and thighs. Thinking its Sarah checking on you, eyes shocked wide with the small crack you open the door to spy Bucky standing there fidgeting.

“Everything all right Buck?” Opening the door wider to lean against the casing arms crossed just under your breasts.

Swallowing, glancing from your eyes to lips repeatedly. Trying to form the words he wants to speak when the decision makes itself clear and Bucky surges forward. Gently wrapping vibranium fingers around the back of your neck and bragging you against his strong chest. Slanting his lips against yours, nipping your bottom lip to make you gasp and slipping his eager tongue passed into the warm depths of your mouth. Leading the kiss and praying he’s not wrong.

Rewarded by your arms winding around his neck careful of his injures. Fingers tugging at the now shorten strands thanks to your expect hands. Garnering a low moan from the depths of his chest, one that rambles with a pleased hum as you return the kiss. Tangling your tongues together making nothing soft nor gentle about this melding of mouths. Only breaking apart for both of you to gasp for air.

“No, nothing’s all right doll. I can’t stop thinking about you,” resting your foreheads together sharing common air. Fingers at the base of your skull massaging the tension with surprisingly easy pressure. “I’d done fighting, done pushing you away, I need you Y/N.”

“James?” Lips tingling from a kiss you’ve only dreamt about as confusion marring your tone, eyes blinking a few times to make sure you’ve pushed the sleepy haze from your mind.

Soft groan issues at hearing you whisper just first name, hand slipping down to wrap around your waist and pull your taut to his body. “If…” trying to push the next words past his lips, “if you don’t want…”

“Us, we need to know now sweetheart. We won’t push you into anything you don’t want,” Sam’s voice full of desire and longing cuts across Bucky’s for a moment.

Making you look up from eyes locked with Bucky to stare at Sam trying to process his words, the look in those beautiful russet eyes you can’t pull yours away from. Till Bucky presses a kiss to just below your ear, “We know it’s a lot to take in doll and you can say no…”

“I,” gulping like a fish out of water, heat thumping through your veins at the unspoken promise both sets of eyes show. “I don’t know what to say.”

Stepping forward to push you back a step so Sam can fully enter your bedroom and close the door. He comes behind you sandwiching your body between two walls of muscle and masculine warmth. Pressing a kiss to the opposite cheek, lips brushing over the shell of your ear, “There’s no going back sweetheart you’re ours if you say yes. But if the answer is no I’m not going to lie things will change. Awkward as hell yes especially at first but I,” Bucky clears his throat to which Sam nods, “we would work through that with you. Loosing your friendship can’t happen no matter what.”

Removing yourself from between their warm bodies to collapse at the end of the bed, head in your hands. Mind so confused, a jumbled mix of desire and lust touched with a heavy dose of love that scares the living shit outta you. Feeling the bed dip on either side, removing your hands to glance at both men. Seeing the reassurance in those cerulean and russet orbs you swallow to wet your parched throat. Gaining strength to finally speak, “I don’t want to loose either of you,” looking between both men. Taking each hand within your own, “But this last mission taught me I don’t want to deny my feelings any longer.”

“What feelings doll?” Giving your hand an encouraging squeeze.

Looking into Bucky’s cerulean eyes, “I’m in love with both of you.” Switching to Sam’s russet orbs seeing the blatant want shining only boosts your confidence to lean over. Cupping his jaw and bringing your lips against his. Different from the kiss you shared with Bucky. Who’s bottom lip begs for a nibbling, Sam’s fuller lips press against your own in tender caresses.

Gentler too, a soft slant of his mouth against yours, pressing twice at different angles before tracing over your bottom lip. Gaining entrance on a sigh of need to check in with your tongue before tangling together. Heated palm cupping your cheek, thumb brushing over the apple twice while he artfully pillages your mouth. Drawing out a low moan squeak following when a set of lips slide over the side of your neck nibbling a short path to suck a mark behind your ear. Making you weak and boneless against Sam, who releases your cheek and hand to grip your hips, having you straddle his thighs.

Kiss breaking for air, “I’m to heavy Sam, your hip.”

“You’re prefect baby girl no arguing understand?” Cupping your ass in both hands to roll your hips against the hard bulge of his erection. Teeth gritting at how good you feel in his arms, the damp heat of your core only serving to make him grow harder with each brush against your cloth covered pussy. Sam reclaims your mouth, this kiss much different. Desperate and demanding taking no prisoners this time as he immediately slips his tongue back into your mouth. Pulling a groan from deep within your chest, arms going around his neck to help move your body against his. The delicious friction sending jolts of pleasure radiating out over your body, clit throbbing with a need you’ve never felt before.

Hissing at the cool sensations of Bucky’s vibranium fingers drawing circles across your back. Pushing your sleep shirt off your body arms raising, breaking the kiss to accomplish the task. Looking over your shoulder at the bare chested Barnes, mouth salivating at the sight eager to touch and kiss every inch. Brought back to Sam with the heat of his mouth connecting to your pulse, adding his own mark to your body while his callused fingers dances across your back.

Cursing his rotten luck for not having use of one hand, Bucky steps forward lowering to his knees carefully. Brushing his lips along your spine while cool alloyed fingers sweep around your body between you and Sam to trace a line between your breasts. Head dropping back to Bucky’s shoulder and baring your breasts to Sam’s hungry glaze and Bucky’s questing fingers.

“So beautiful,” words whispered reverently from Sam’s lips against the damp column of your throat. Mouth tasting each inch of your skin he can reach. Till moist heat circles your nipple, wet tip of his tongue coming out to flick the tightly budded peak before sucking harshly. In contrast to the cool patterns Bucky draws, taking the time to tug before pinching just hard enough that your back arches into Sam’s mouth.

Pushing into Bucky at your back a whimper parting your gasping lips. Needing more of both men surrounding you, slick coating your trembling thighs as you clinch around nothing. Dragging a whine of desperation from you soul,“Please,” single word escaping your mouth.

“What doll? What do you want?” Drawing his lips up to your ear, nipping the lobe bringing it between his teeth giving a sharp bite at the same time Sam flicks his tongue over your nipple.

Letting go with a wet pop, smiling at the whine exiting your heaving chest, “I think out girl needs more Buck. Any thoughts on how to please her?” Brow wiggling over your shoulder at Bucky who just smirks.

Fingers sliding down then under the band of your panties to find you soaked and pulsing. Cool metal meeting heated flesh makes you jolt in Sam’s arms. Grinding down into those wonderful fingers and against the thick ridge of Sam’s cock.

“Don’t stop please,” gasping head lolling back, your eyes close as sensations crash through your veins. Tight coil starting to form with just the brush of his fingers.

Maneuvering closer to slip two fingers into your clinching channel. Deep groan vibrating through his chest and into your back, “Fuck Sam she’s tight and so wet for us. I bet she tastes just as good as she feels.” Rocking your hips, fucking his fingers desperate for that high traveling up from the bottom of your spine. Tickling your tummy with jolts of pleasure only to have it diminish when Bucky pulls his fingers out.

Frustrated whine leaving your lips only to choke on air when Bucky offers one of the fingers perviously buried inside your cunt to Sam. Who doesn’t hesitate to wrap his lips around the single digit, groaning at the very taste of your essence. Circling the tip with his tongue, making sure to clear every drop off while keeping eye contact with Bucky. Mimicking with his mouth how he’d suck Bucky’s cock, garnering a growl from deep within his chest. Letting go with a smirk, “Even better Buck and I bet from the source it’s simply heaven.”

“Only way to find out,” answering grin firmly in place he raises from the floor. Helping you stand on shaky legs turning you to face him. Capturing your lips in an open mouth kiss, flicking his tongue against yours, teasing your bottom lip and drawing out another frustrated groan making him chuckle. “Don’t worry doll we promise you won’t go unsatisfied we’re going to take care of your every need.”

“Don’t tease her Buck it’s not fair,” glint of mischief sparking through those russet eyes that only Bucky catches since your still face him. Sam comes up behind to pressing his bare chest against your back, hands resting on your hips, tugging and letting the band of your panties snap back against your skin. “You can still say no.”

Wiggling back against Sam then pressing forward to feel the hard line of Bucky’s erection against your lower tummy. Knowing why he’s asking, seeing the same sentiment mirrored in Bucky’s eyes that warms your heart filling with love for both men. “Now who’s teasing Samuel,” reaching behind you to slide your palm over his ridged cock giving a squeeze at the same time you palm Bucky. “I’m sure my loves,” enjoying the answering growls from both men. Before another word leaves your lips Sam tugs down your panties letting them pool at your feet as Bucky moves you towards the bed.

Swiping the book from the mattress to lay on the nightstand, smile on his lips at finding the well loved copy of The Fellowship of the Ring. Bringing you to sit then lay back against the cool sheets, trailing his vibranium fingers from your cheek down between your breasts. Circling each nipple, giving the right a light pinch that has your back arching and a gasp existing your paired lips. Distracted till Sam gently grips your left ankle, spreading you open to slide between your legs. Pressing kisses alone the inside of your leg towards your thigh. Soft bread tickling your skin making giggles erupt from your mouth.

“I think she likes that Sam,” the comment spoken against your ear. Placing a kiss to your cheek, “Have to remember to let my own beard grow back out.”

Whimpering softly at the thought one hand fisting the sheets as Sam draws his tongue over the crease between thigh and groin. Purposefully avoiding the spot you want him most, “Payback is a bitch boys,” words growled out right as Bucky envelopes your left nipple into the heat of his mouth.

“Teasing half the fun sweetheart have patience,” looking up from between your legs. Stiffen tongue drawing up from your entrance to clit, circling the little throbbing nub and making your back arch, gasping for air.

“Fuck,” single word breathed from deep within your body. Sweat starting to bead across your forehead. Head tossed back into the pillow free hand carding through Bucky’s chestnut hair tugging the strands harshly till he lets your breast go with a wet pop. You guide his mouth up to yours, demandingly taking the kiss over, slipping your tongue into his mouth this time. Swallowing your moans of delight with each thrust of his tongue. Matching the pace Sam sets against your dripping cunt.

Rutting into the mattress to find the prefect friction hoping to ease for a moment the throbbing of his cock. “Stop stealing all those pretty noises Barnes I wanna hear our girl,” reaching up to smack the other mans thigh hard enough to break the two of you apart.

“Sorry not sorry,” giving him a smirk while licking his lips from the heated kiss.

Filing away the fact Bucky knows what means only to have any thought fly from your mind as two thick fingers enter your quivering channel. Slowly thrusting, his mouth suctioned onto your clit, drawing little short patterns making your thighs shake around his head. Slacking off to lazily place kisses over those thighs but still pumping his fingers, crooking them into a come hither motion to brush over that special spongy spot.

Blooming stars behind your tightly closed eyes, “Watch him doll, see how much you loves devouring that pretty cunt.” Voice rough with arousal against your ear, Bucky’s metal fingers dancing over your chest only adding to your heighten state of desire.

At his command you eyes open to lock with Sam’s passion blown blacken eyes. Moaning at the picture he presents you with, panting breath as you keep drawing closer to your orgasm. Only to have Sam back off creating frustrating tension in your body. Gritting out, “I’m going to die if you don’t let me cum.”

Smirk showing in those beloved eyes as he doubles down on your clit. Lips puffy but forming a perfect O too suction and flick his tongue over the engorged nerve bundle. Fingers, third added to stretch you open and picking the pace up as your mouth drops wide in a scream Bucky devours with a deep kiss. To keep from waking the kids or Sarah, his own body on fire with a need to have you both.

Tingles quickly dancing through your veins, breath panting as you break from Bucky’s mouth, one hand gripping the sheets below the other still buried in his hair. Body on fire as you near that perfect orgasm Sam’s intent on giving you.

Denial’s not just a river in Egypt as your eyes pop open at the knock on your door. Reminiscent of what your sluggish brain comes to understand as just a very vivid dream. One that makes your heart drop with the book that’d lay on your chest now face down on the carpeted floor. You stand checking the time of mid night before heading to the door and finding Sarah on the other side with ice cream in hand.

“Figured you might need some cheering up,” letting her in and taking the bowl of your favorite ice cream.

Vivid dream lingering though you don’t share feeling a TMI moment she doesn’t and most likely wouldn’t want to know about her big brother. You steer the topics away from the non existent love life to plans for tomorrow and the coming weekend.

#Buckybingo #New Hair cut square #Sam Wilson x Female Reader #Bucky Barnes x Female Reader #Sam Wilson x Fem!Reader #Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader #Bucky Barnes x F!Reader #Sam Wilson x F!Reader #TFATWS fiction

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tundrainafrica · 4 years ago

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Why I love LeviHan (a rant)

So I'm pretty new to the LeviHan community and I just wanted to rant about how much of a work of art this fucking ship is even though I have no idea whether Isayama did it on purpose or not. But damn, this ship literally introduced me to the drama of shipping fluff and AUs --- two genres I used to avoid like the plague because never have I felt such adamance for a ship to set sail in YEARS since Percabeth back in high school.

To give some background about myself, the past five years, I was no fan of ships. Like literally, I tried to avoid shipping fics like the plague (for any fandom) because I was like "come on war racial war, zombie like monsters? Who has time to fall in love?" A lot of non romance shows don’t leave time for a relationship to develop and we literally just get a time skip where suddenly they pair people up together and I’m like woop good story but yo how the heck did they end up together.

In real life, I also did get into a healthy relationship with a guy, a slow burn after five years type and I thought yeah I've seen how I want a relationship to develop and now imma be picky as fuck with ships.

I did end up picky as fuck with ships but Isayama with the minimal screen time he actually gave this ship to set sail with probably minimal intention to actually confirm their ship got me climbing into this ship while it sunk canonically after chapter 132 because holy fuck ISAYAMA YOU MAD MAN.

Let's talk about how they were introduced. Trost is destroyed. Titans are impossible to kill then whoop. We get a group of weirdos and outcasts who can somehow kill titans like crazy.

Strong titan slayer dude.

Strong titan slayer girl. (Hange is female to me.)

Cool commander dude.

Cool interesting characters. Eren's dream team since episode 1. Two captains. Constantly together. Erwin is their glue. Nothing suspicious about that. They work together. They're too busy fighting Titans to actually be considering a relationship right??

Besides, Hange and Levi are just way too different like

Levi is like *slash slash slash I hate titans u ugly* *slash slash slash eww titan blood* *slash slash slash kill Titans they're all monsters*

Hange is like *slash slash slash oooh titan blood* *slash slash slash dont kill them i wanna dissect them* *doesn't slash* titans make me horny.

Like sure we could argue opposites attract but there are more cases where opposite personality dating would probably backfire and with the idiosyncrasies of both parties at polar ends of the spectrum it just didn't seem possible for there to be a spark? Like logistically they would tear each other's hair out if they were stuck together in a relationship.

At that point, Erwin being the middle ground between both captain weirdos, I couldn't help but think shipping Erwin with either of them would have been the more realistic option.

Season 2 had its fair share the first two scenes with Levi picking her up and the carriage. Didn't see anything too sparky yet and yes the last scene where he could tell who she is by her knock. (but yes sparks flew in hindsight).

Season 3: Erwin the glue gets trapped in capital due to political reasons and only one arm. Two captains forced to combine forces to manage the survey corps in peril. They get their bonding moments like torturing some dude together and reflecting over the untimely deaths of Hange’s squad. (and maybe Levi’s squad too)

They separate while coup d'etat happens because their skills were needed elsewhere. They got to save Eren and like hours later in the cavern Levi was especially concerned about Hange when she got shot by the hook back in the cavern like you don't see that concern with any other character except maybe Erwin. (But it can be argued that maybe all the other people he ever loved died too fast he never got the time to be concerned.)

All the way until the battle of Shiganshina Levi is usually with Hange.

When he’s not with her, there’s a reason (usually Erwin’s orders.)

When he's not with her he's thinking about her.

Then Erwin their magical glue of a commander does die and the captains gotta stick together even without the glue because they're the last two surviving people in the old survey corps.

It's apparent Levi hates the changes made to the survey corps because he still keeps the green cloak which everyone kinda abandoned. So it can be argued that Hänge was also that last bit of fresh air Levi had of the olden days.

they're

together

almost

Every

Friking

Scene

Like you can't blame them. Levi is anti social and traditional survey corps type.

Hange is still reeling from the loss of Erwin and her quick rise to power as commander.

They may have differing personalities but they had the same history. They both know loss, bloodshed and battle the survey corps brings that no one else probably understands to the extent they do.

And we get the bombshell of this scene.

Hange literally proposes to him that they just run away to the forest and just build a life for themselves and the cold harsh brazen Levi doesn't outright reject it.

He instead acknowledges what he knows about her that she'll never do that. This only confirms that they know each other too well, that they have a bond that exists between them which cannot so easily be replaced by anyone else.

And then a few chapters later

Dead.

And sure yeah Levi didn't cry but like yo, the way Levi handled her death is worse than crying. We have never seen Levi react to a death like this.

Levi is holding on to the hand which touched Hange’s.

Levi just sits down in the middle of a pivotal scene and where he might end up fighting any minute coz like what's life he literally lost everything he could have lived for.

Like sure people who don't think LeviHan is canon would say “He’s injured. He’s tired.”

Just a few chapters ago though we got him ready to fight

"That’s the last person left of course it would break him more than anything"

That's the point. They're complete opposites they've been together for years and even if the chemistry wasn't there before, even if they would never have gotten along at all, personality and logistics-wise, they were placed in a situation where their glue Erwin died, everything of the life they knew before, all their loved ones in the survey corps died and now they were left with the responsibility of managing what's left and being the only two people with a shared history.

That literally set up one of the best places for a fucking romance to bloom. Yet the war and the circumstances just made it so hard for them to act upon it yet somehow the manga and anime were peppered with this cool understanding of

Yo I want you.

like maybe when we retire let's keep in touch and I dunno have babies or something

But yeah yo we gotta fight.

Then Levi be like “Yeah babies be a good idea?” (Titans don’t love you. I love you.)

Death foreshadowing

Then Levi

Fucking

Broken

Like we've never seen him before.

Wow isayama the madman didn't need to build this masterpiece of a relationship from love at first sight, to confessions, to placing them in unnatural situations for sexual tension.

He built a subtle relationship out of necessity, out of the need for some humanity in this dark world. Two people placed at the lead at the forefront of this war, willing to adjust, willing to change and work despite their differences because they needed that warmth, they needed the reminder that there exists happiness and hope in this world which transcends all that bullshit they have experienced to that point until her death.

I really wish I could experience that epiphany again with another couple.

I applaud the subtlety of this relationship and the natural development of one of the best ships I have experienced in a long while.

#levihan #levi x hanji #levi x hange #levi ackerman #hange zoë #hange zoe #hanji zoe #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #ship

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86-was-his-year · 4 years ago

Text

I’m Not Letting You Go| E.W. (Spoilers for Part 2!!)

Summary: You won’t Ellie go on this mission by herself even if everyone else tells you no.

Warnings: Mentions of Death (Spoilers), Swearing, PTSD mentions, Ellie being mad but being cute at the same time, little nsfw (oops) a lot of angst like no joke

A/N: I loved The Last of Us Part 2 (Most of it anyway) and I wanted to show more love to Ellie cause nobody writes about her and I need it for my bi-sexual ass.

The snow gathered thickly around the edge of the small mansion that we followed the horse tracks to. Shimmer was wandering around the area aimlessly and I knew Ellie was still here, Shimmer would never leave without her. They’ve bonded over these couple of years and I know Ellie would be upset if anything happened to her.

“Guys, I found Shimmer! Search the fence for a way in!” I yelled to Jesse and Dina while looking around the area to see if there were any openings on the bottom of the fence. A pile of bodies were around the beginning of the fence and I didn’t doubt that was the expert work of either Tommy or Joel. Maybe they got caught in the storm and had to find a way to keep themselves from freezing to death.

I followed the faint tracks and it led to a little opening in the fence. Maybe Ellie took this way and had the same idea. Maybe she was warming up by the fire with Joel and Tommy while they just waited out the storm. I know that Joel and Ellie haven’t been in the best of places but I also know that she was trying to forgive him. I kept thinking back to the day at the hospital.

I was waiting for my surgery and he burst open the door in front of me. He looked me up and down and saw the large bite and cysts on my ankle, just under my blue hospital gown.

“Please take me with you. Please I don’t want to die.” He looked at me and nodded.

“Do you know how to get out of this damn place?” We wondered through the halls and checked every room. The alarms began to get louder and louder, they were alerting everyone that we were escaping. I didn’t want to go back, I over heard them talking and they were going to kill her and me just because we didn’t turn. The world didn’t deserve our help, the world deserves to burn.

“You have to take a left here and then a right. There’s an elevator at the end of the hall and it leads to a parking garage on the bottom floor we can get a car and get the fuck outta here.”

It wasn’t hard to get to the garage but it was hard to see Marlene standing there with a gun pointed at Joel. I shimmied myself behind him and gripped onto his shirt. I watched and listened as Marlene tried to convince Joel to let us go. She was explaining the logistics of taking two young girls on a trip across the country as if she knew where we were going.

I saw the handle of his gun glint off the light and it sparked something in me that I had never felt before. I wanted to protect Joel and Ellie, there was only a matter of time before the rest of the fireflies alive would come after us and all of this would be for nothing. The handle was cold in my hand I took three quick steps to the right and shot straight at Marlene. She fell to the ground as she started groaning in pain.

“Get to the car now.” He jogged to this truck and opened the back door urging me in before stuffing Ellie in along with me. “I’ll be back.” He slammed the door and walked over to Marlene. I put Ellie's head on my lap and began to stroke her hair. I jumped in my seat as I heard a single gunshot and I knew this would be all in the past.

“Ellie!” The back door was open and the blinds were rustling uncontrollably. The snow crunched behind me and I drew my gun turning around way too fast for my brains liking. Dina and Jesse were standing there with their hands up and I turned back around without any regard for them. I needed to find them and make sure they were okay. Part of me had this silent dread built inside, they would never leave the door open like that.

“Ellie!” I took off immediately, searching every room and every closet that I could see, I had to find them. Dina and Jesse were going back to check if I missed anything in my haste to find them. My search was turning up empty all the closets were empty and all the rooms were turning up blank, they were no where to be seen. I walked into the kitchen, the last room that needed to be checked and found an open door. I looked down and immediately ran down the steps. I flung the door open and took in the sight before me.

“Oh my God.” I looked down at the lifeless body by the blood splattered window. I watched Joel leave in those clothes this morning. Ellie was at my feet knocked out cold with blood running down her face, she was here. Did they make her watch as they killed her or did she get here and attempt to fight back after the fact?

“T-They’re down here!” I slid down to my knees and dropped my gun to the side. Ellie was shifting around and groaning in pain. Her face was banged up but her nose wasn’t crooked so that meant it wasn’t broken, at least from my slim amount of doctor knowledge. As Ellie shifted herself awake I grabbed her head and brought it into my lap, I knew this was going to be a shit storm when she woke up so I wanted to comfort her while I could.

“Fuck!” Jesse walked down the stairs and went to check his body, there was blood all over the window and his coat wasn’t moving up and down with soft methodical breaths. It was the one notion that would tell us that he was alive and it gave us no sign. I could feel my chest tighten up as I en-graved the image of Joel into my brain. All the times that he helped me overcome something, all the times he spent cracking jokes with Ellie and me when we had bad dreams, It all was ruined in this moment. I would never get to see him again.

“No.” I looked down to see Ellie turning her head to look at Joel.

“Ellie don’t look.” I pulled her face away and made her look at me.

“I had to see it. I could’ve done something.” Her tears ran down her face and I felt my heart clench in my chest. I sat her up and held her to my chest rocking her back and forth as I let myself sob over my loss.

I held his shirt between my fingers, the warmth was leaving it but the smell was everything I needed. It was the last thing he wore before that day, he had coffee in this shirt, he played guitar for me in this shirt, and I couldn’t help but think that I’ll never have those moments with him again. I’ve stayed in his bed this past week, I’ve only moved to take a shower and eat a little bit of food.

People have been knocking on the door trying to give me casseroles and get well soon cards but I didn’t need their sympathy, it won’t make me get back what I’ve lost. Ellie hasn’t come by yet and I really don’t want to see her face right now, I’ve spent so much time watching her and Joel bond every time she would crack a little joke she would try to include me. I took a whiff of his coat and let out a sob, my heart was clenching and my chest was tightening in on me, Its felt like I couldn’t breathe these last few days and it won’t go away.

The door rattled and my eyes shot open, I didn’t want to see anyone right now. Maybe it was Maria coming to see if I would clear his stuff out and move away, or maybe it was Tommy trying to get any info that could lead him to the killers. He said one of them was Abby and they were from the Washington Liberation Front but I couldn’t care right now. The steps up the stairs were rhythmic and soft, but I couldn’t rule out that they were going to kill me, like they did to Joel.

I grabbed the gun form under my pillow and shot up out of bed only to see Ellie looking at me and the look on her face utterly and completely destroyed me. The tears ran down my face harder and I could see the war going on between her eyes. I lowered the gun and put it back under my pillow before turning over and gripping onto the shirt again.

“You know he used to lay with me when I had bad dreams?” My eyes were hot and puffy from crying, my nose was clogged with snot, my cheeks were wet and sticky, and my throat was hoarse from screaming into nothing. I couldn’t stop crying it was like my body was just acting on its own and I couldn’t pull back the tears or the sobs anymore.

“He would, wouldn’t he?” She walked closer and sat on the edge of the bed. Her hand rested on my ankle and I felt myself flinch back, she knew about my bite mark long ago but it never stopped me from trying to hide it. Her fingers brushed the edge of my leggings away and rubbed the raised area of my bite.

“Yeah, when I would scream at night he would be there as soon as I woke up. His pajamas were always so cute, little blue pajama pants and a graphic t-shirt. I would dream about us dying.” I pulled the shirt closer to me and listened to the sound of Ellie breathing.

“I remember when we found those. We got it for his birthday right? Not exactly designer but it was something.” She took her hand away and my heart dropped as she broke contact. I thought she was going to leave me to just cry my eyes out. I would like to think she would have come earlier but I didn’t tell anyone I was here so I doubt she knew.

“You know you could’ve told me where you were.” She crawled up on the bed and made her way over to me. She really is able to read my mind sometimes, even if I din’t like it. I moved the shirt and let her lay down next to me, the bed springs squeaking with age.

“I’m surprised he even made his bed.” I ran my hands across the now ruffled sheets and smiled.

“I know a hardened survivor and he does house chores.” She put her hand next to mine and we just stayed there.

“He wanted to do right by you. He didn’t mean to lie but he wasn’t wrong.” I ran my hand down her arm and across her chemical burn. She did it when first got here God, the smell was in her room for weeks. Burning skin and chemicals mixed horribly and I can just remember Joel’s face when he walked in to her screaming.

“I know. I just wish you guys would have told me sooner.”

“Ellie!” The jolting of the horse wavered my voice as it ricocheted off the tall buildings. We knew where she would go, it’s where she always talked about going back and finding out the truth about what happened to us.

“There she is!” Joel urged his horse into a gallop and I followed him closely. Shimmer was standing next to Ellie as she looked through her bag. “Stay here, kiddo.” He hopped off his horse and I let them talk. I could hear her crying as she gripped her chest. Of course she was hurt I mean I would be too, if I didn’t know the truth.

She refused to talk to me for weeks but we grew up together and of course I knew how to make her talk. I brought her new music and a bunch of new movies which I totally almost got my face ripped off for. She laid her head on my shoulder and ranted about how she felt and it was good. She finally opened up to me and I felt how she felt.

“You knew the whole time? Why didn’t you just tell me?” She took her head off of my shoulder and turned on the couch. The pain in her eyes was real but there was something different swirling in those beautiful emeralds.

“I wanted you to trust Joel. He lied to protect you. He knew that if he told you the truth he wouldn’t have you anymore and I know how much that tears him up. He loves you, Ellie.” I put my hand on her arm and watch her process this.

“Jesus, you sound so grown up.” She sniffed and wiped her eyes with the back of her hands. She chuckled and looked back at me.

“You Missy, should know more about anyone else about growing up way too fast.” I poked her should and she fell back on the couch.

“Oh yeah?” She got back up and flung herself onto me. It knocked me off balance and I fell back, pulling both of us down to the floor. I landed on top of her and started laughing.

“Oh shit, still got the upper hand!” She grabbed my arm and pushed me over. She brought my arms above my head and pinned them there.

“Now who’s got the upper hand hm?” She brought one of her hands down to my face and traced my features.

“Looks like I’m your prisoner.” I tried wiggling out of her grasp and found that I really couldn’t. “What are you gonna do to me?” There was a taunt to my voice and a smile stretched across her face. My heart was racing too fast to be normal, not normal with Ellie though. Sometimes I would look at Jesse and get these butterflies but only with him. I mean that fucker was way too handsome for his own good.

“I had a couple of ideas.” She shrugged the best she could with one shoulder and brought her thumb to run across my bottom lip. It was something that I never thought I would experience not with Ellie at least. She slowly leaned forward and planted her lips on mine. I’ve had my first kiss already so it wasn’t a new feeling to me. This kid I knew back in a QZ liked me and I liked him so we kissed and then he said I had cooties so that was that.

This kiss was something different, not only because Ellie knew what she was doing but because there was something actually there. Her lips were wet with spit, hers or mine I really couldn’t tell but it didn't matter we locked our lips together and it feels like neither of us wanted to go. It wasn’t fast or rushed we were just intertwined, we took our time and never really wanted to leave. But alas we need air to breathe so she pulled away and leaned against my forehead.

“I think your sentence has been carried out dutifully and therefore, I’m letting you out on good behavior. She let go of my wrist but pulled me up with her. I could feel my lips and they were swollen, I can’t imagine what they look like though. My heart was still racing and the butterflies were still knocking around in my sternum.

“Does this mean you forgive me?” This time I leaned my head on her shoulder and we just rested there watching the movies last seconds. The hero spares the villain and lets him go with the promise of never returning.

“The jury’s still out on that one but I’ll get back to you.”

“Whatcha thinking about?” Ellie pulled me away from my fantasies and I smiled. I sat up and quickly rolled on top of her, grabbing her hands and putting them into the pillows that Joel so carefully made.

“Got the upper hand now didn’t I?” I cocked an eyebrow at her and watched as her eyes swirled with amusement.

“Are you threatening an officer miss?” She put on her best cop voice and put her head to the side.

“And if I am?” I leaned closer and closer with each word. I could feel her hot breath on my cheek and I bit the corner of my lip.

“I guess I’ll,” She grunted with effort but easily turned me over, “have to take you prisoner.” She was straddling me now and I felt all those feelings come back for the first time in years. I never forgot about them, no, but I let them go only because I wanted Ellie to have someone else. Someone better than me.

“Officer please!” I mocked the ladies in the old horror movies and put on my best damsel in distress voice.

“Can’t get out of this one that easy, sugar.” It’s embarrassing to say but I felt arousal pool on the inside of my underwear. Hearing her call me a pet name was all I needed to finally lean up and try to connect my lips with hers. She leaned back and smirked a bit before slowly leaning down.

I finally had what I was missing all these years, her lips on mine once again. The rush in my stomach all came back at once and I let out a tiny whine as I tried to move my arms. She pulled away and looked down at me, shock turning to wonder and then smugness.

“You got a cute set of pipes on you. Let’s hear you use them.” She whispered the last part in my ear and I let out a big breath. This girl was going to torture me, all I wanted was to feel her lips on mine again and she was trying to take detours.

“Ellie? Are you in here?” She shot up in alarm before relaxing.

“Coming Maria!” She looked at me and scrunched her nose. “We aren’t finished yet.” She pointed between the two of us and fixed her hair.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Officer.” I blew a kiss and watched as she rolled her eyes before leaving. I sighed and turned over to find the shirt no where to be found. I could feel my calming heart pick up it’s pace again. I threw myself off the bed and found that it wasn’t under me. I searched under the pillows and under the bed sheets.

“No, no, no!” I frantically looked at the foot of the bed and finally dropped to my knees in defeat.Tears welled in my eyes and that made it even harder to see while I searched for the prized possession. I felt my hands around the ground and a piece of fabric ran under my fingers. I snatched it and brought it close to me, looking at it and then smelling it. It was his alright.

“Y/N?” Ellie was in the doorway with her arms crossed over her chest, her stance meaning she was closing off again. Once I looked up at her and she saw the tears rolling down my cheeks and the shirt wrinkled between my fingers she dropped her arms and came to me. “Come on, get on up.” She gently grabbed my arms and got me off the floor, sitting me on the manhandled bed sheets.

“I thought I lost it.” I leaned my head into her chest and sobbed. I couldn’t hold back anymore, I needed him here not in the ground.

“I know kid, I know.”

We slept there, in his bed. It felt just normal to sleep with her by my side but I kept dreaming about him. Seeing his blood all over the window and on the ground. I kept imaging his final moments, did he say his last words to Ellie? Did he say that he loved her like he always wanted to? He talked about the way that he would do it but I guess he never really got around to telling her.

I heard him pleading in my mind. He was begging me to help him, yelling in pain as they hit in with the golf club. Ellie told me that’s what they used but she really didn’t want to talk about it anymore so I didn’t make her. I was in the room as a ghost the faceless people talking to Joel about who knows what. I couldn’t see their faces or hear their voices but I watched them hit him endlessly and brutally.

My eyes opened and tears were already piling up onto my pillow. I guess I was crying in my sleep, wouldn’t put it past me. The bed was cold behind me and I shot up, looking around the dark room for where Ellie went. She was sitting on the chest by the end of the bed while putting her shoes on.

“Ellie?” She jumped at the sound of my voice but looked back at me. Her demeanor seemed angry or distraught.

“What are you doing up?” She pulled her pant leg down and stood up. She had the same clothes that she had on yesterday which wasn’t a surprise. We didn’t get to go home and change and I really didn’t want to leave.

“I had a bad dream, where are you going?” I sat up and took the blanket off of my body. The leggings I wore were becoming sweaty and twisted around my legs but I dealt with it and picked up my shoes from the edge of the bed.

“Nowhere, you can lay back down Y/N. I’ll see you in the morning.” She got up and moved towards the edge of the bed to sit down next to me.

“Why do I feel like I won’t?” I laced up my boots and looked at her, “You’re going after them aren’t you?” I stood up and went to Joel’s closet picking out a random shit before throwing it on over my tank top. I looked around the closet to see if there was anything else that I could use. His backpack was just sitting there no use for it so I took it over my shoulder and walked towards Ellie.

“You shouldn’t come. I don’t want you hurt.” She put her hand on my cheek and looked into my eyes.

“This is my fight just as much as it is yours. I’m coming with you Ellie.” I held her wrist and leaned my head against her hand.

“Alright. Maria said I can leave on Shimmer but I guess I could spare some room than bring you along. For Joel.” She pulled me closer and wrapped her arms around my shoulders.

“For Joel.”

#Ellie Williams #ellie x reader #ellie williams x reader #Joel Miller #the last of us #the last of us part 2 #the last of us part 2 spoilers

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veggieheist · 4 years ago

Text

⚠️🚨⭐️Veggie Life Update⭐️🚨⚠️

As many of you may know, I’ve been dealing with depression for a year or so now. It got really bad in the winter, and I’m currently still pulling myself up from the worst of it to a more baseline depression. I’ve lost a lot of my ability to focus as a result, which is partly why I haven’t been able to stick to a more consistent schedule with Chains the way I did last year. Many of you have heard me gripe about it already so I won’t say much more than, I know it sucks and I really hate it and I wish I had my focus back.

The JET program, which is the parent organization that hired me, has teaching contracts that go from August to the end of July of the next year. We have to decide to recontract by mid February so the contracting organizations (the city or prefecture that directly hires us) can budget for our salary, or for our replacement should we choose not to stay past July.

I signed my recontracting papers so that I would be here from August of this year until end of July 2022, which would be my fifth and final year on the JET program. But with my depression not getting any better, and the thought of having to do this job making me want to run my car off the road sometimes (not to kill myself, just to stay in the hospital for a bit and rest), I did some serious soul-searching and decided to break my 2021-2022 contract so that I can go back to America this August. I’ll be moving back in with my folks until I’m mentally stable enough to get a job and find a place to live.

Between now and when I leave Japan I’m going to be a bit distracted sometimes with the logistics of moving my life back overseas, and updates on Chains might be a bit more staggered in July and August until I can get my feet back under me. I’ve been kind of reeling for the past month since I made the decision (on April 2nd), which also hasn’t been helping my focus, but I’m hoping to regain some ability to write without distractions soon, when the dust settles.

I’m really looking forward to some serious R&R in the latter half of the year. I just need to rest. I’m so burnt out it’s not even funny. If I could move back to America next week I would, but it would really screw over my schools and town so I’m trying to stick it out for the next three months until the semester ends.

I really appreciate everyone’s love and support, and I promise I’m not giving up on Chains! I will hopefully start posting Vol. 3 in May sometime. I will let y’all know ✌️

Anyways, thank you in advance for your patience and understanding! Love you guys!! 😭❤️

#life update #chains #life #about me #announcement #veggieheist

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cooltrainererika · 4 years ago

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A Star Wars Noob’s ideas for fixing the Disney sequels

Okay so just to get this out there, because it won’t leave my mind.

So I’ve been binging on SW lately and the sequels only annoy me more and more by the day. So just wanted to throw my character ideas out into the world. Focusing on characters because I like writing characters way more than plot. Hopefully if I ever actually write this thing, or even somehow pitch it to someone with the right connections to animate it with the actors as voice actors, this wouldn’t have gone viral. But since no one looks at my blog it probably won’t lol. Hopefully.

But just in case, I’ll say that this will probably contain spoilers for a story which may or may not exist by the time you read this.

I’ve deliberately been trying to avoid as much emotional spoilers and normal spoilers as I can before the sequels despite the temptation, so sorry if some stuff is a bit off. Augh I hope I can get the time to watch the full OT and PT soon. I was too tired from hiking when I watched SW4 and I now really wish my dad didn’t show me when I was half-asleep.

Rey: Rainbow of possibilities; Cynical Scavenger, Adventure-seeking Audience Surtogate Geek, or Lawful Good to the core Paladin Padawan with a personal grudge, and may be descended from a family line, maybe not, but currently most likely a Skywalker by blood. Story and other character arcs change dramatically depending on which route chosen.

Finn: Stoic soldier man learns power of friendship, finds meaning of life, causes Stormtrooper mutiny, probably becomes a Jedi and second main character and hooks up with Rey. “What‘s a joke?”. Awkward dork and stunted socially but doing his best. May instinctively find it hard to disobey orders. He may be the one wanting to find his family; but that’s dropped soon enough to focus on what’s ahead.

(Alternatively: Proud warrior guy who acts like a stereotypical North Korean soldier who finds himself outside the First Order, learns power of friendship etc. The rest is the same)

Poe Dameron: What we Japanese people call The Aniki. The funny charismatic ace pilot who keeps everyone sane, overall bro. Wholesome but a bit rough, that guy you would want to share a beer with. But within that easygoing nature burns a hotblooded, determined, dutiful streak, and an even stronger snarky streak. The one with the social skills. Loves his droid like his son though Cynical!Rey and Finn find that initially kind of stupid/strange.

Kylo Ren/Ben Solo: Appears to be yet another quietly imposing Star Wars villain with added edgelord factor, but actually a mentally unstable, borderline yandere berserker of a man crushed under the weight of a legacy, with a horrifying inferiority complex, identity issues, and an unhealthy obsession with familial honor, constantly stuck between Dark and Light. Despite his high rank, basically the First Order’s attack dog. Usually has the emotional maturity of a 16-year-old, if not younger. If anyone is, he’s the damsel in distress of this story.

Luke Skywalker: Cuddly sunshine headmaster sage doing his best, has been on many adventures before that are hidden ads to future Lucasfilm projects. May have gone to search for answers as to what is causing recent events, or is still present at the beginning. May survive at the end. He could be anywhere from kind of jaded but at his core still that sweet optimist, to Basically Uncle Iroh, to can-literally-summon-Porgs-by-whistling/Space Sage Mr. Rogers.

Han Solo: General of the Republic Armed Forces or courier who decided military life just wasn’t for him and now delivers important messages through still unstable areas of the New Republic, a war hero, and a dad doing his best. Wants to hold hope but may have at least outwardly given up on Ben, with Poe filling in the void. Has gone clean from his life of crime and still married 30+ years strong with Leia. He would be the one who is the closest to Poe if he’s still in the military and Leia is a Jedi, with Poe being seen as his likely successor. He might die at the end of 8? Maybe Hamill and Carrie would somehow talk him into sticking around past 7? He might still die in 7?

(Side note: I wish we could have seen Old Harrison Ford in a military casual coat-cape. He would have looked awesome in it. I mean no one would really complain that he plays fast and loose with the dress code if there even is one, he’s Han freakin’ Solo and he gives no f*cks.)

Leia Organa-Solo: Preferably a Jedi Knight, leader while he’s away if he’s away as well as their tactician, or senator considering her personality; maybe have basically what Colin Trevorrow planned for her (I mean… why not just use CGI at this point? They’ve done it before. I’m sure Carrie wouldn’t have wanted her swan song to be such a passive role either), with her bond with Luke being a major factor and us actually being able to see it in practice. May have outwardly given up on her son as well, but still is at the end of the day a mom doing her best. Basically a strong, smart lady like how she’s always been.

Chewbacca: How he always is, but he plays more of a role than basically the guy bussing the cast around, an active combat role definitely. Han’s second in command and maybe fellow dad. Possibly the part-time chaperone of the mess that is the new main duo. Also was Ben’s first friend, and you bet there will be drama here.

Lando Calrissian: Business mogul who probably helps the heroes out, maybe by selling them stuff and using his many connections to get information. And/or he’s basically an economic diplomat for the Republic. Has known Ben since he was a child and may have snuck him on too many joyrides without telling Leia, to her chagrin and Han’s amusement.

Grand Admiral Armitage Hux: Basically how he was in SW7. Calculating, manipulative, coldhearted, intelligent, and ruthless, the brains to Kylo’s brawn. Son of former Imperial officers, killed his own father to get where he is. Gives no f*cks, except when he goes full ham. Maybe even he goes cold and pale if Kylo starts getting angry, just to show how terrifying he can be, but I also like the idea of him being one of two people who can manipulate Kylo out of a tantrum and not end up a pile of flesh or choked to death.

Captain Phasma: How she is in supplemental material probably. A walking chrome machine of merciless death. Probably not very talkative, and probably does not take defectors lightly. She may defect at the end or not depending on how truly evil she’s portrayed to be, but I’m thinking she’s likely this cruel disciplinarian who expects complete and utter, machine-like obedience to the end, and Finn flinches at the mere mention of her, though she herself is equally as extremely loyal to the cause.

Snoke: A mysterious being, the likes of which are not of this galaxy. Probably some kind of ancient eldritch abomination who can torment vulnerable minds with an untraceable curse. Not your average Sith, and despite how it may seem it may not be connected to them at all… Or perhaps it is. Or perhaps it itself serves a larger master. It wants to use Kylo Ren for… something. Just what it is is what Luke has been trying to find out for years.

Knights of Ren: Idea borrowed from Thor Skywalker (check him out on YouTube!); possibly a military cult of Sith/Vader worshippers who see Ben as the second coming of Vader, and have aligned themselves with Snoke. Probably basically Kylo’s personal guard and troops. Or possibly directly liked to whatever otherworldly entit(ies?) Snoke is, not being of this galaxy themselves.

Anakin Skywalker: Determined grandpa doing his best for his kids, grandkid(s), and the galaxy. Doesn’t appear often, but plays a major role in the story; maybe he’s the one who led Rey to his lightsaber, and maybe he advises Luke while training Rey, or secretly follows Kylo, trying to speak to him but unable to be seen or heard by him. He’d be the one who ultimately convinces Ben to return to the light, and to, in an echo of the words Ben heard when he was being impersonated, “finish what I started”.

Rose Tico: A probably relatively new, wide-eyed young recruit in the Republic Military, and maybe seeks revenge on First Order for killing or kidnapping her sister. Not sure if she will be needed, but if there’s room for her she might be interesting. Maybe she’s one of Poe’s friends or part of his squad. She could also be the resident girly girl because there aren’t many of those here.

Vice-Admiral Amberlyn Holdo: She’s in the Aftermath books, and those seem pretty good, so she’s probably how she is there. A quirky mostly background character that is probably at most there for Han and/or Leia and Ackbar to give commands to and salute back, but most importantly she actually does her job properly, even if she’s still a bit of an odd person. Also Poe knows her and they have a way more amicable work relationship. Also give her something which actually looks like something military personnel would wear. She could even be a legitimately good tactician who comes up with off-the-wall tactics.

(Side note: I heard that she basically has the Star Wars version of Autism, and while I’d appreciate that as an Aspie myself, I’ll also have to say that Autistic people would probably be terrible military leaders due to us not being able to adjust to sudden changes well and our bad communication skills. So yeah, sorry, unless she’s recast to something like, say, a mechanic or logistics or medic or any other more Autistic-friendly job, that’s going to have to go)

Maz Kanada: …Admittedly not sure what to do with her. But she’s more likely to be an acquaintance of Lando before Han, if she doesn’t know both. In fact, Lando may be introduced early alongside her. But she would still have the important role of keeping Anakin’s saber; how she has it, either Lando found it, or basically what was cut from TFA showing that she’s indeed pretty awesome.

BB-8: BB-8 doesn’t have to change. He’s perfect as he is. Maybe what he can do should be more consistent though. Poe and him are basically Ash and Pikachu, they stick together whenever possible. If Rey or Finn need a droid to tag along and Poe isn’t in the party at the moment, R2 is right there. I once read a fanfic in which BB-8 was actually a droid Luke made for Ben and I liked the idea… though it probably would be a bit of an unnecessary detail in practice.

R2-D2 and C3P0: They’re basically business as usual. They would still have that boke-tsukkomi dynamic they had going on, sometimes with the added childlike cuteness of BB-8 in the mix. If there’s any extra time left for comic relief scenes, or if they’re sent on some kind of mission together, I can see these three messing around doing their thing (or rather, BB being childlike, cute and curious, Threepio being overly nervous, and Artoo being too old for this sh*t and/or BB’s cool uncle/older brother) being both cute and hilarious.

Also Worldbuilding stuff will be featured at the bottom

Elaboration on the “big four” of the sequel cast:

Rey: Aged 19, speaks with Daisy Ridley’s normal accent, not RP (I mean really, her accent isn’t that hard to understand). A whole rainbow of possibilities with this lady, though many don’t realize it. I might be leaning towards her being Luke’s daughter, though her being Just Rey may also be interesting, and her still being a descendant of Palpatine or the main villain could also have potential, though if Finn is a Jedi I don’t think there’s any need for her parents to be nobody. But the three main routes I can think of for her are these three: Cynical!Rey, a Rey with a backstory identical to the canon Rey from her abandonment onwards, Fangirl!Rey, a sort of estimation of a dorky female Star Wars nerd in-universe and the most lighthearted start out of the three, and Padawan!Rey, a Rey who is already Luke’s Padawan at his academy. Maybe making her starting point less crushingly bleak and Fangirl!Rey could work, but it might dilute both ideas, and that characterization might be a bit too similar to ANH Luke.

As is apparent, Cynical!Rey, is, well, cynical. She’s strong and independent, but extremely distrusting, on-edge, and not used to friendly interaction. Think Female SW4 Han Solo but even more antisocial and probably not even bothering with the bravado, and basically with Anakin’s upbringing except she doesn’t even have a loving mother like Anakin did. Fangirl!Rey was my initial idea but I’m starting to become less partial to it because of the aforementioned similarity to ANH Luke, but my idea was she’s basically Harry Potter, living with stepparents who hate her, or she’s still used as basically child labor but her conditions are nowhere near as bad as Cynical Rey’s, and she would have grown up on stories about the Rebels and the Jedi and everything else in the past movies, collecting every single bit of memorabilia she can get her hands on. If one wants to go for very lighthearted and slightly meta for SW7 this is the route. Padawan!Rey could go anywhere, but I’m thinking she would basically be our D&D Paladin; ever since Ben Solo went berserk and ran off to join the First Order, she’s become very protective of her fellow students and has a really understandable personal grudge against him. She might be the strongest pupil left after the Second Jedi Massacre, and by the end maybe she becomes the successor to headmaster of the academy. It is possible that she was found abandoned on Jakku or Luke’s doorstep, however, so the theme of growing up lonely is there, and because being a Jedi is what has given her meaning in life it means a lot to her. But while I don’t want her parentage to be revealed early if it is Luke, it does raise the massive plot hole of why this was never disclosed to her or to Ben.

And yes, I did say fellow students and academy. Wiping the new Jedi Order feels really cheap and it makes the whole hopeful Jedi Starting Anew implication that I’m 90% sure the OT ended on feel very pointless. I’d prefer them still being there, though their inclusion would be obviously way more natural in the Padawan Route. This also has tons of marketing potential for Disney, because I wanted to take IRL realism into account; what’s in it for Disney? Maybe potential to expand on other students and Luke’s academy? It could be like a smaller Jedi Hogwarts/Xavier Institute basically. Though the survivors wouldn’t be too numerous; just, like, four at most. Maybe there would be elements of an Avengers/Infinity War/Endgame-esque team movie, even if the rest are a bit out of focus.

I did think maybe the heroes would still go to Ahch-To after SW7 where Luke would have been hiding with his students researching the new threat, but maybe I could have him stay and sort of take a few cues from Harry Potter by introducing the heroes to the world of the Jedi early and giving them a break in the action as they settle in their new homes, so there’s more time to develop the padawan side characters, what the academy is like, and Luke gets to appear in SW7 as well so there can be a OT trio “reunion” (not a reunion in-universe). Though that kind of messes with other parts I want to include like Rey and Finn having to take on Kylo and getting completely whipped because he’s a rampaging madman before having to be saved by Luke. Also Rey getting kidnapped has potential for developing her trust in others, and her and Finn getting a breather moment at the Republic after the heroes and Han regroup would kind of remove a point where that could be easily slotted in the story. It would also require everything before this to be crammed in the first act.

(Newer edit 5/27/21) I also like her getting a golden double-bladed saber like many fans depict her. It’s not only awesome looking (because she only gets her own saber at the end of TROS… Why?), but it’s more toys for the moichendise! It fits her starting with a staff, it has more reach, and it would fit Cynical Rey especially for her to have a style centered around keeping as much of herself defended as possible. Watching Battlefront 2 footage has made me think about fighting styles a bit, and if she and Finn are a duo how their styles of combat might compliment each other, especially as their relationship develops (coincidentally she and Finn apparently are a very good combination in BF2). A Cynical Rey would probably contrast the most, with a fighting style based on keeping enemies away, trickery, and defense (a good choice for a blade made of light), maybe a bit wild at first but initially her goal in fighting would be to hold out until there is an opening to get the hell out, only staying to fight if she has no other option. Fangirl Rey wouldn’t really have a fighting style initially, and it’s gonna be very dependent on where her arc goes. Padawan Rey would have the most Prequel Jedi-esque, choreographed style, showing a lot of skill though not quite mastering it and with tons of openings at first. A Cynical Rey may have an uncanny skill to detect suspicious people, which would make her trusting the heroes easier, and though this ability isn’t super strong and is more “a slight gut feeling but it could be nothing” than “human lie detector” it could maybe be honed more. And while not quite wall vision like in BF2 (because wat? Where do they come up with this stuff?), maybe she’s good at detecting people’s presences too. These are very apt ambient skills for someone in her position. Meanwhile, Fangirl!Rey would have probably suspected she had the Force already, and her ambient abilities could be whatever, just rather passive abilities unless trained.

If she is Luke’s daughter though, that would open up the can of worms of who her mother is. Just making it so that she died before the events of SW7 might seem a bit… unfortunate? I kind of want Luke to have found love sometime (and seriously with how much of a bombshell young Luke was, in addition to him being such a hero, I’m shocked that he never got one. I can see why Mara Jade wanted a piece of that. *wolf whistle*), but then I’d have to figure out how to incorporate her in this already character-dense story without her having cheaply died offscreen. I might be able to think of something? I could always go digging in the dusty pile of old fan theories, I might find something good. Thor Skywalker did hint at her but his story stopped at the end of where SW8 would have. If I do name her Mara there’s probably going to be extra pressure to do something with her. …But I can’t be the only one who thinks that Daisy Ridley kind of looks like Natalie Portman. Then again I’m pretty face-blind. I guess blond hair and blue eye color genes are also recessive traits for Star Wars humans. Though it seems the height genes skipped a generation because she’s actually pretty tall for a woman at 170 cm - I’m sorry what. That’s as tall as the average Japanese man! Holy sh*t Daisy! She only looks a bit small because she’s often depicted with Kylo and Kylo makes everyone not Phasma look diminutive. I guess Ben would get it from Anakin and Han (though he’s still taller than both of them…), so maybe a taller actress would be cast as Mara (?). And despite Rey’s malnourishment in the Cynical route, this actually isn’t that implausible, because stunted growth apparently only happens if children are deprived from gestation to about 2 years of age.

And again, why wouldn’t Ben know about this? But if this isn’t the Padawan!Rey route (the hardest to incorporate Rey The Actual Skywalker into), maybe Ben took Rey’s assumed death as even more of a reason to burden himself with the entire Skywalker legacy? This would give him a reason to already care about her.

Further edits: According to the Aftermath books, Jakku was a “Lightside Nexus” planet. Maybe this has to do with her powers? (Perhaps she was kept sane by the Force speaking to her on occasion, in dreams or as she lies staring at the ceiling after a long day, showing her the loving life she used to live and unknown to her she will return to someday). Or why she was dropped there? Maybe she was supposed to be living with Lor San Tekka (the old guy Kylo kills at the beginning of TFA), but got lost one day or was kidnapped by bandits to be a scavenger because her small size would have been perfect for getting loot from small spaces? Why not take her back then? This probably is one of the biggest plot knots in the Cynical Rey Skywalker route, alongside who her mother is.

Small detail lightning round before moving on: I once read a Japanese fic, and in it she mentioned she hates alcohol because she saw how it turned people into monsters. I actually kind of liked this headcanon, and maybe a bit unexpected. Though there’s also the route of her just being too used to it, setting her apart from previous more wholesome protagonists even more. Also Daisy would have to start hitting the gym and protein shakes because I think her character design evolving from her thin build to a very athletic, Wonder Woman-esque body type would be pretty good in representing her growth as a character, and combined with her height she would be so very badass looking.

Finn: Probably around 23? Infamous for lost potential, so his backstory is the same. However, I’m thinking that due to his dehumanizing upbringing, he’s a bit robotic and pretty stoic initially, a total opposite to Poe. He doesn’t understand jokes or sarcasm, and now that he’s completely left the life he’s always known, he feels pretty lost. He would basically act like a male Rei Ayanami, though I was going more for Drax at first. Alternatively, he’s a proud warrior type, imagine a stereotypical North Korean/Prussian soldier. He’d be a bit more emotional and probably less cartoonish here (I mean I have compared Star Wars to anime but full-on anime tropes in live action probably looks super corny), and he’s a massive hardass who also doesn’t get sarcasm or jokes and fanatical and would have thought of his fellow soldiers as a collective as his band of brothers and comrades, collectively serving the FO like a smoothly running machine. My initial thought was that after a life of war crimes and the influence a certain pilot whose cell he was guarding who gave him his name, and maybe witnessing the death of a comrade, he had defected from the FO, but I started thinking it would be plausible if he defected from the FO probably by accident. Highly likely to be the second protagonist, if not POV character, and if so I think it’s logical that it’s Finnrey that becomes the canon ship here. In the Padawan!Rey route, he’s the newcomer protagonist, not Rey. If they’re shipped, or even as friends, they may bond over their dehumanizing, harsh backgrounds and the feeling of being lost in the world. Also he likely starts a mutiny. Like it was such an obvious plot point but they never use it for some bizarre reason. It’s like the DM didn’t read his character sheet at all. Actually one didn’t and the other kept forgetting it in the third campaign.

There’s two ways I think his arc could go; first would be a focus mainly on his search for identity and becoming his own person. Second, his guilt about having done the First Order’s bidding for so long. Probably a combination of the two, though I’m not sure how to address them both. He also wants to see his colleagues free from slavery. But I am sure about I’d that he’d have to overcome his conditioning, learning to regain his humanity.

Especially if Rey is a Skywalker and he becomes a Jedi, he’d be the one who the movie makes a point about being from nowhere. He has no idea who his parents are, but it would not even matter in the end, it’s what he makes of his life from here on out. And if he and Rey end up together, which is extremely likely in this scenario, he not only finds his family in the figurative sense with the other Jedi and his new friends plus girlfriend, but in the literal sense as well, going from nameless Stormtrooper FN-2187, to just Finn the ex-Stormtrooper, to Finn the Padawan and then Jedi Knight, to finally, Finn Skywalker, Jedi Knight; maybe the last movie ends with one of them proposing to the other, with SW8 having previously ended with the climactic big damn kiss that cemented that they are a thing now. (Cue Luke jokingly asking when he’s getting grandchildren and How It Should Have Ended!Anakin squeeing over him getting great-grandchildren lol) His name would have this real symbolic value to it with how it changes as he goes from nobody to somebody. Not to mention “Finn Skywalker” is just a freakin’ awesome name. If they make up the leading duo, he and Rey may have some kind of inherent connection, or they progress into two parts of the same whole, even attaining something like a Dyad.

I thought an interesting thing to do if Rey is a Skywalker, and this is Cynical Rey, is a twist on the expected pattern by making him the one who sees the good in Kylo, not Rey. Because while Rey might be his cousin, she’s also a very distrustful person who couldn’t afford to think deeply about people act the way they do when she was growing up and fighting to survive. Meanwhile, Finn knows Kylo, and he also knows what it’s like to be determined to be a killing machine from a very young age, and if he has to forgive himself, or if he’s able to see the light, that Kylo deserves a chance as well. It would be the ultimate show of kindness from him, to show him forgiving the man who works so loyally under the same organization that enslaved him. I can also see Kylo being angry at himself for being unable to sense the Force-Sensitive in their midst.

Maybe he was born on a “Lightside nexus” planet too so that it makes sense that he can keep up with other characters? Presuming he’s in his early 20s, I don’t think him being raised by the Order since he was a baby is that plausible, so maybe he was already an orphan? I can see the First Order spinning their Stormtrooper program kidnapping street orphans as “rehabilitating” them, which combined with good old Victorian style citizen apathy to street children allows them to get away with it. But if he was, say, around 6 years old when he was taken away, it would make sense why he was able to break out of his programming. Perhaps Poe showing him friendship awoke the humanity long dormant in him. But on the other hand, the younger, adolescent soldiers may be beyond saving, and I can see that being absolutely heartbreaking.

I can see his fighting style with a saber being direct, forceful, and pragmatic, but unlike Rey the emphasis would be on engaging and keeping up the fight, and be very disciplined, calculated, and controlled in contrast to Cynical Rey. At least he’d attempt it while he gets used to the properties of a lightsaber, before there would probably be a lot of awkwardness as John is directed to swing this weightless prop blade with a weighted hilt like he would a club or sword. If he isn’t a Force Sensitive, he’s a good sniper just like in BF2, in fact this would be his primary combat ability, though still able to hold his own in melee combat. Though even as a Jedi he’d probably still use a gun as a sidearm, and his good aim would also translate to him being very good at spotting openings and spotting danger from a distance, as well as enhanced ability to dodge.

Poe Dameron: Age 29 (?). A total bro. I’ve kind of come to think of him as this embodiment of the good, wholesome side of traditional masculinity. I can best describe him as the guy you expect to think of when you think of the guy who takes the boys to the bar for beers on the house and hosts Super Bowl night (for the Americans out there). Basically just that big bro/cool uncle everyone likes. I think he’s the least changed from how he is in SW7; he’s a laid-back pilot with no special powers, and while he’s probably the most static and admittedly flat character (and unfortunately more minor than the other two) he has tons of charisma and optimism to compensate, though being the one who keeps everyone sane definitely helps. Not to mention his piloting skills; which, note, are never eclipsed by Rey, because that’s dumb. His skills are a bit more downplayed here, but he’s still extremely good, especially for his age. Despite being the pilot he’s the most down-to-earth, and may be the only one of the big four with any social skills, even if he’s a bit dorky, especially regarding BB-8.

Son of Rebel pilots, graduated top of his class in the Republic Flight Academy, and his background is squeaky clean, no drug trading involved, though he spent a lot of his adolescence and his adulthood in the Academy or in the military, just like in pre-TROS supplementary material. He’s the main source of jokes and wisecracks out of the trio in all but the most dorky of Fangirl!Rey routes probably, teaching Cynical!Rey and Finn what it’s like to smile and laugh. He still has a close relationship with Leia and Han; possibly closer to the latter due to the latter being a pilot and likely still a General. Not sure about him keeping his rank because him starting and staying at the top might mesh awkwardly with the rest of the trio, but maybe he’s still a Commander; whichever makes his inclusion in the main cast most plausible. Due to an adorable Pixiv comic I found he may have been inspired to become a pilot by Luke or Han. I’d like to think that he breaks the hotshot pilot cliché a bit by not being too overly arrogant, immediately setting himself apart from Han by being a wholesome guy there for his buddies from the start, even if he is fond of wisecracking and snarkiness (probably from hanging around Han and Leia), and inside that laid-back personality lies a hotblooded, passionate, unwavering core. Like, he’s not exactly hotheaded like a Latin stereotype (*ahem*), but he’s got this more subtle, but still apparent, underlying fiery hotbloodedness to him, something that especially makes itself apparent in high-stress situations and when it comes to his loved ones. He’d also be Rey and Finn’s mentor of sorts in stuff that doesn’t involve the Force, being their role model for what a functional member of society is. He may make some self-depreciating jokes about being “normal”, but I think mostly he’ll take it in stride. Though I can see him and Han having a chat about this in a more quiet scene.

Ironically, out of the trio he could maybe be said to be the most suited to be a Jedi personality-wise, despite the fact that he has no Force Sensitivity whatsoever; he goes with the flow, he isn’t troubled, he’s happy with the simple pleasures in life, he’s just a good, genuine guy who does good things, passionate but not obsessive, and he’s forgiving, willing to give even an enemy soldier a chance, appealing to the humanity in him. The last one is particularly Luke-like, don’t you think? Oh, to elaborate on the escape; I still like the idea of him giving Finn his name (though another idea I love is a fallen friend giving Finn his name, that would change stuff around a lot from what I am thinking at this moment). I also think that perhaps supplemental material or some flashbacks, or even an animated short could be made showing just how Poe broke Finn’s programming; by showing him genuine kindness, because somehow, despite his lack of Force Sensitivity, he saw that FN-2187 could be talked out of his programming if he was constantly nice to him, befriending him, starting up casual chatter with him, and after a while the trooper starts opening up to this pilot. …Yeah, Luke-like indeed. Though since there is the plot hole of why Finn could be convinced in mere days and why he’s the only one guarding such a high-profile prisoner, a more realistic idea may be that they talk to each other this way a few times, then Poe escapes and Finn goes after him before they both crash on Jakku and have to work together, with Poe immediately being friendly with Finn and later Rey, to his (and her) confusion. (I can just imagine Poe being all chipper and trying to engage Finn in conversation, or telling him “Good job, sport!” after they fight off bandits or something, and Finn just is all deadpan and “We are enemies, we have no reason to fraternize” and I find that kind of cute).

He may ultimately be the most static of the main cast, but I can see him having a huge impact in more subtle ways; like maybe Rey and Finn think of what Poe might do in a given situation in their training, and he could be the catalyst behind why Finn thinks that Kylo can be redeemed, just like how Poe was able to light another way when it felt like there was only one path for him. He also definitely wouldn’t be the type to be so reckless with his men like he was in TLJ, if he’s still a Commander; he cares about his men a lot, and in fact they may be the reason why he tends to act like an older brother. I can imagine a pretty poignant scene with Finn where Finn sees Poe by himself and BB-8 paying respects to his fallen comrades by this handmade cenotaph, as he sets some flowers down and pours a drink to them, and Finn once again is able to see how different the culture outside the First Order is, as he would have never been mourned like that if he died on the battlefield, nor can he imagine he ever would have done so himself. Or maybe Rey is there too, because if this is Cynical Rey she’s only known a life where people exploited each other. Maybe other characters like Jessika (who he’s already close to I think? Did she show up in the movies though?) or Rose would have the opportunity to be more than background characters by being part of his crew, and we’d get some charming scenes about the bond he has with his squadron.

Again, admittedly he’d be the least deep character out of the big four, with his feelings not being explored nearly as much. But he probably doesn’t really hide his feelings much anyway. For any supplementary shorts involving him, they would be mainly lighter stories about his relationship with the OT cast and their families and his friendship with BB-8 and his crew, or action-y ones about missions he’s gone on; as opposed to, say, Finn, which would show his life as an expendable trooper who knew nothing but war, Cynical!Rey and her crushing loneliness and growing disillusionment to the world as she struggles to survive, or Padawan!Rey and her anguish and grappling with the Dark Side in the aftermath of the Jedi Massacre.

I can also imagine him being this adorable Shipper On Deck for Finnrey lol. Just looking at his two friends, all proud, maybe even tearing up like “*sniff* I’m not crying Buddy, you’re crying!” when the inevitable big kiss scene happens. I can also imagine him being the one to tell Finn that “Hey Finn, what you’re feeling is love!”…And then he has to spend hours trying to explain what love even is to him lol. He always has his friends’ back after all. Again, he’s most likely the one guy who isn’t completely socially inept among these dorks. I’ve also had the potential idea that he could maybe be a good cook, and he’d be the one who introduces Rey and Finn to actually good food. Some fics I’ve noticed tend to show him cooking stuff probably for that reason. It’s just kind of cute, and it sets a good example if despite his traditionally masculine, salt-of-the-earth character, he likes some less “manly” stuff like such and sees no shame in it.

He may sacrifice himself in a blaze of glory towards the end, especially because quite frankly he may lose his plot relevance as the story goes on, though it would definitely be way more respectful than a lot of deaths were treated in the sequels. But I also want him to stick around because I want to imagine him being all proud of Rey and Finn after they propose to each other and giddily planning their wedding, and I feel he could have some very good interactions with Ben to build on for any spinoffs taking place after the trilogy. Speaking of…

Kylo Ren/Ben Solo: AKA Yet Another Ball Of Lost Potential: Anti-Villain Addition. This is gonna be a doozy, so strap in. He was probably the most developed character here but that just makes his lost potential stick out even more, so I have so much to say about him.

About 27 probably. While people complain about it, I actually like him being a manchild. It makes him a bit unique in this series. It’s kind of like Vader if he didn’t get stuck in that suit and kept acting like Anakin. In fact, that could make him even more terrifying if that feeds into how destructive he can be; at first he seems like your typical intimidating SW villain, not even that bad a leader with a seemingly calm if tense, imposing air, but it eventually becomes clear he’s this terrifying, volatile berserker who can throw some of the most destructive tantrums ever, and is ultimately a pathetic, broken, pitiful shell of a man. …He just happens to be a very powerful shell of a man. Maybe if he becomes emotional or angry enough, he can unleash powerful shockwaves that basically blow up everything around him, or cause mini Force Storms, or cause any number of unpredictable effects. Though he’s not quite constantly raging either; these berserk states are indeed triggered by anger, but I’m thinking that they are also basically weaponized panic attacks, there’s a sense that it’s also a self-defense mechanism that he lapses into when emotions overwhelm him or when he otherwise feels threatened (though whether it’s necessarily involuntary all the time I’m not so sure; but while he’d definitely want to be able to trigger them voluntarily, there will always be some sense that he doesn’t have full control over it). Also a lot of his rage is directed inwards as well, much like with his grandfather. I thought that maybe his unpredictability in these rages would be the key to his destructiveness, though I can see how someone who is out of control would also pose a problem, no matter how powerful; so maybe this is when he becomes the most focused, becoming locked onto the elimination of the perceived threat at all costs, and/or he can be controlled by his Master more directly like some kind of attack animal.

Luke’s first padawan, or at least after Leia or Grogu (I might make him show up as Luke’s first knighted pupil and allude to this, providing more exposition on Kylo, and being one of the Jedi who help fight in the final battle as the Skywalkers go on to take on the final boss (and Grogu’s name being revealed would be a massive hype moment in The Mandalorian)). Due to his storied family, plus the name of his uncle and grandfather’s own master, he had heavy expectations on his (at the time) small shoulders from an early age. However, he had long been tormented by the Dark Side due to an untraceable curse placed upon him by Snoke, and probably a pre-existing anxious personality. The expectations placed on him, or maybe perhaps just self-imposed expectations, only worsened his turmoil, resulting in a festering mess of self-hatred, extreme perfectionism, and an obsession with familial honor and obsessive attachment to his family, especially Luke, that is a nasty combination of hero-worship and the abovementioned complexes and may border on almost incestuous.

There’s three ways for his backstory to go; “Underachiever Ben”, where Ben is either mediocre as a Jedi or still good but outperformed by others, or “Elsa Ben”, where he’s basically like Elsa from Frozen, possessing an extreme amount of power but barely able to control it, possibly due to Snoke’s curse, and a sort of middle ground, where Ben was super strong and a quick learner, but the dark side in him made Luke feel mixed about Ben’s increasing power, which Ben sensed. If the former, Ben becomes increasingly frustrated at himself for being such a “failure”. If “Elsa Ben”, there’s that, and also the added pain of him growing up terrified of himself and able to sense the terror he causes to those around him, so he was taken in by Luke so hopefully Luke could figure something out; he could have been destructive from the start, or maybe he started to become increasingly destructive despite his training. If the middle ground route, he takes Luke’s mixed emotions to mean that he doesn’t think he’s good enough. How severe Snoke’s curse would have been I’m not fully sure on; he could have voices in his head and nightmares keeping him up for days, chipping away at his sanity, tempting him to accept the darkness, or it may have just been an amplifying of his already unstable emotions. They could have even started as the latter and escalated to the former. But I’m thinking that to best explain his behavior I’m leaning towards the Elsa route. Eventually, his nightmares morphed into repeated visits by Darth Vader, his grandfather, who told him about the truth of his lineage and how he became Vader, slandering everything and everyone he ever admired or loved, telling him of his “true” destiny, and how he should give up and embrace it; unable to hear the real Anakin’s ghost screaming at him to not repeat his mistake. This extended campaign of mental torment stunted his emotional growth in many aspects, and at times he may seem to regress even more. Maybe other padawans were afraid of him because of this dark side presence, avoiding him, and/or were jealous of him because of his lineage and relation to Luke. He often felt entitled to be Luke’s right hand, getting jealous at other students and taking any reprimanding, no matter how gentle, extremely personally. Luke would have needed to struggle between not seeming to be biased towards his nephew and giving him the attention he needed, especially because Ben would feel like Han and Leia abandoned him because they weren’t able to help him, but considering how attached he is to Luke this would hurt him. So when Luke went to speak to him one night, or rushed in sensing an overwhelming dark side presence in his room, and was suddenly attacked by Snoke with a vision of what his nephew would become and making him go into fighting mode for a split second, drawing his weapon to protect Ben, and/or earlier admitted in anguish that he had no idea what was tormenting him despite his efforts, the straw broke the pedestal and he resigned himself to his “destiny”. Ironically he’s just exchanging one sky-high ideal for another, but he’s too emotionally immature to realize this, nor does he fully realize the fact that Snoke merely sees him as a malleable, gullible means to an end. Yet he still feels that pesky pull to the light, and he becomes increasingly frustrated with himself that even as a Dark side user, he still can’t be “perfect” or “worth” anything, not even able to sink himself into the darkness and finally rid himself of his pain. For all the privilege and power he has, or because of it, he always feels worthless.

Basically I want to break him down and make his pitifulness obvious, but that’s what makes him sympathetic. He’s nowhere as far gone as Vader, even if he wants to be, kind of like a reverse Jekyll and Hyde situation where the Hyde is dominant but Jekyll hangs on, so to speak? Maybe? Is that the right analogy? Or I guess it is kind of like Anakin but sort of not, but he’s rapidly going down the same route of hurting his family like his grandfather.

From researching a bit, his proposed behavior seems pretty close to the symptoms of BPD, which is actually pretty fitting because I was thinking Luke’s philosophy on the Force would be influenced by a more modern understanding of psychology, and Dialectical Behavior Therapy actually seems pretty in tune with what I understand to be how the Light Side of the Force works (I mean it even has basis in religious meditation…). Perhaps a mystical version of DBT was one of the things Luke was studying in exile. Though obviously it isn’t exactly BPD; portraying an actual, named mental illness not only has way too much baggage behind it, but it breaks immersion. And with him a lot of it will be the influence of the curse, though I think I would rather him have a personality that made him vulnerable to it from the start, so the curse had something to latch onto.

Going with the “Elsa Ben” scenario, his “real” personality is anxious and even a bit shy. While I like the idea of him being cheerful when he was very little, the shyness always being there is also a characterization I like. Combined with his lumbering physique from his teenage years onwards, this made him a kid who gave off an impression of being extremely dorky (an act that would probably be very natural for Adam Driver to pull off lol) and/or withdrawn and aloof, the latter of which may have made some other padawans think he thought highly of himself and start to resent him. Unlike Anakin he’d be probably a dutiful student, almost creepily obedient, probably actively distancing himself from rebellious behavior, though his way of speaking isn’t exactly super formal either because of the influence of the adults around him. In his obsessions lies a genuine love, even if twisted, of his “favorite person” so to speak. He was also a genuinely sweet kid who wanted to please these special people in his life. He could be said to be actually really selfless in a weird way, because ultimately he values familial honor and being “good enough” for whatever higher purpose more than he values himself. TROS implied some sassiness with that Han-like shrug, and while I can maybe see some of Han rubbing off on him like that, that might be something that started from him trying to copy his parents’ air of confidence, and another coping mechanism. He might, like Vader, have a 501st legion 2.0 which Phasma is in charge of and Finn is part of, and show a more nicer side to them. Perhaps he opened up one or two times to Finn specifically; I can see this image of him venting to him while Finn stands still like how someone might vent to their dog, not really expecting Finn to be listening (also sarcasm might help Kylo obscure his true anguish from Finn, because FO troopers don’t understand sarcasm probably).

He will be redeemed at the end… and live. Even if not necessarily paired with Rey. I’m neutral on Reylo (though admittedly I have a weak spot for pairs involving a strong woman and a troubled guy, so it’s kind of growing on me), but I really think this ship, or even centering the story strongly around a platonic relationship between these two, could have worked if it was built up strongly (Though if I were to go this route Finn would have to be established as a secondary character from the start, with Rey as the definitive main character, to focus on this). But either way, he’s definitely going to have to face the consequences of what he’s done, make up for his atrocities at least somewhat, and think about what he truly wants to do from now on. I can imagine him quietly reading stories to younglings as Rey, Finn, and Luke train some other pupils outside, or thanklessly working behind the scenes in other ways. For his haters out there, I could make the pill easier to swallow not just by making the reasons for his fall and how he was slowly and meticulously gaslit more clear, but also making him not as awful. Yes, he’s extremely destructive, but he could show more reluctance, or pause after his berserker rages, staring at the destruction he’s caused as the weight of what he’s done sinks in. He’d of course resent that he still has mercy left in him though. I don’t think that there will be a Starkiller Base, but even if there was he might argue with Hux a bit over whether it’s really necessary, until Hux sneers at him for having mercy, saying that Vader never hesitated when blowing up Alderaan, and Kylo reluctantly backs off.

…Actually, what about making him and Rey cousins? On one hand, if Rey is a Skywalker by blood, a direct daughter of the Master himself no less, Ben is now suddenly freed from carrying the weight of the family legacy on his own. On the other hand… He basically loses the thing he has spent his entire life building his identity around; since his fall would have partially been because of his obsession with Luke, he may become jealous and extremely resentful of her, and/or take this as even more reason for Luke to not “need” him anymore. Or perhaps, he pulls a reverse of “I sense the conflict in you” with her, wanting to “save” her from embracing the Light and wanting her to embrace the “true” Skywalker destiny with him. He could even be overjoyed that he could have someone else alongside him to carry on the legacy with; in this scenario he could have an unhealthy obsession with her that might also start crossing into “are you sure this isn’t incest?” territory. Yeah it’s a “join me and we can rule together” scenario again, but it would be done differently. Or perhaps it’s a mix of some of those. Exploring that and how he chooses to take it could be extremely interesting. Maybe it’s resolved when Anakin tells him to “finish what he started”… not just by saving the galaxy, but by also living the rest of his life loving his family not as an ideal, but as family, like Anakin wasn’t allowed to. And platonic Reylo sounds nice too. Though that’s going to make all that shipping fanart so awkward lol. Well it’s not as if Star Wars shippers haven’t been cockblocked by incest before (though his obsession with family and extremely questionable mental state would probably make such shippers go nuts anyway…).

And going off of Poe being close to his parents, while the main interactions with Kylo from the heroes would be Rey, Finn if he’s the second protagonist, Luke, and his parents, I can see potential for an interesting dynamic and some interesting conversations between them too. Much like how he might react to Rey being Luke’s daughter, I can see him being jealous of Poe and resenting him for being his ��replacement”, but after his redemption I can see potential for seeing the start of a friendship between them in epilogue comics, novels, or a mini-series. It would be pretty in-character for my version of Poe to want to help rehabilitate his sort-of stepbrother. Also I now have the adorable mental image of Ben quietly helping Poe (and maybe the rest of his squad) decorate and arrange Rey and Finn’s wedding, or the two surprising Finn with a very elaborate bachelor party, though I’m not sure if those exist in this universe. And because of a certain Inside Llewyn Davis scene I’m also imagining Poe getting Ben to sing with him and BB-8. It’s adorable.

Also if both Rey and Finn are the main heroes, he might have some kind of link with both of them, and the main duo would both contrast him in their own way (lonely scavenger who no one expected anything of and nameless trooper who defected from the First Order vs. someone who grew up in greatness but seemingly threw it away and chose to be in the First Order; and much like Kylo Finn in particular has been manipulated from childhood to do heinous things, so he may sympathize with his situation). Maybe he’s the missing piece needed for both him and the leading duo to reach their full potential, or the main duo are the last piece needed to finally break Snoke’s curse on him, or something. Or it could simply just be Finn showing his growth and strength of character by understanding and forgiving Kylo, despite him now understanding just how badly the First Order treated him, which makes Rey (who, again, might start as this super cynical scavenger or may have seen Kylo go berserk and massacre her friends and betray her Master) come around to the idea. In this scenario it may actually be even more important to emphasize that Rey and Finn are two making up a whole, so as not to bog stuff down. It’s possible to ship Finnrey and want Kylo to have a better ending, what a shock!

Maybe Rey and Kylo could switch places, and he comes back to the light in SW8, which is an idea I’ve seen floated and is something that would make the story truly unique. He would seem like basically a less stable Vader 2.0 at the start, but over SW8 he could be seen breaking more and more out of his own terrible mindset, coming to a head in a cathartic realization that bring him back into the arms of his beloved family. It would also add an interesting dynamic that he and Finn have to be equals now. But that may mean that Rey would have to be killed off and I’m not so sure about that.

Though speaking of her, since in all these scenarios a common thread is that she understandably doesn’t like him, it would be a bit of a twist if Finn sees the good in him but Rey, if she’s a Skywalker, his cousin, doesn’t.

And to bring up Poe again, I also really like the idea of them having been childhood friends and thus knowing each other before the events of SW7; after all, they’re around similar age, it isn’t that far-fetched to think that former Rebel families would be still pretty close to each other, and I’ve seen some adorable fanfics with the concept. It also adds connection between them and adds even more tragedy, even if this relationship may have to be elaborated more in supplementary material due to time. I can definitely Poe speaking like an old friend to Kylo and constantly calling him “Ben”, to his irritation. The abovementioned feeling of being replaced could be what caused Ben to suddenly break off the friendship. And making the main cast kind of tight-knit like this might also help make the cast easier to manage.

Granted, there is the possibility of killing him off, though. I heard that one of the initial ideas for TFA was apparently that Kylo would be a reverse Vader, falling deeper and deeper into the Dark Side as the trilogy goes on. In fact, this may have been where Kylo killing Han may have been leading to. This actually sounded like a super cool idea, but considering the backstory I laid out I thought it would be way too bittersweet for the concluding movie of the saga, and if one were to say Kylo basically has BPD… That might lead to some unfortunate implications. I mean nothing is stopping me from not using the Elsa backstory, and if I didn’t use it maybe this route would be pretty viable, but I’m kind of starting to get attached to it.

—

Other characters:

Hux: I’ve never really been a villain person. I mean I liked sympathetic villains, yeah (but even then I preferred anti-heroes for a while; I’m talking like nothing beyond N from Pokémon levels of “evil”), but straight-up villains I just have merely seen as obstacles. Like back in my Smash fic days I was often like “Eh… They’re there… Because they want to take over the world I guess?”. It’s why I’m having trouble with Snoke probably lol. But for some reason Hux interests me. If I take a guess it’s probably because of the potential he had as an actual foil to Kylo in his own faction. He had so much potential as a villain, and in having this tense dynamic play out. In fact he does seem to have been set up that way in SW7. But yeah, I imagine him as one coldhearted bastard. His backstory, though not elaborated on in the movies, would be much like TFA supplementary material set him up; he’d still have killed his father, but while yes, Brendol was abusive and strict, Armitage didn’t kill him completely because he was a young man who wanted to break free from his strict father, but also genuinely because he knew doing so would be good for his standing. Unlike Kylo when he (most likely) kills Han, he doesn’t regret killing Brendol at all. While he might have a tragic backstory kind of explaining his behavior, it doesn’t bother him at all, while Kylo, who considering what happened to him and how he’s literally under a curse you’d think would have a much steeper fall into unabashed evil, is constantly conflicted. It’s a very Sith Lord-like backstory funnily enough… In fact I’m pretty sure that Palpatine had a backstory very similar to this with his parents.

He’s a very logical, analytical, brutally pragmatic person, and he looks upon Kylo’s emotional state with condescension. I’m increasingly starting to like the idea that he’s somehow able to talk Kylo down, while still being hardly nice. Perhaps he preys upon Kylo’s constant need for approval from others, even if he doesn’t like the person in question (this may also be why Kylo reacts so strongly to Finn escaping as well, in fact. He genuinely cares about people’s loyalty, even from literal no-name soldiers). Though I can’t decide whether he’s this deceptively charming snake or basically an evil Spock. I also can’t decide between him being in this constant state of “Why do I have to babysit this manchild” or giving absolutely no visible f*cks around Kylo no matter what happens, or even straight-up trolling him often, toying with his emotions because it amuses him; preferably two or a bit of all somehow? I can see him using having met Vader as a child to mock Kylo for how much of a pale, childish imitation he is, or reminding Kylo of how much better he is as a leader objectively; perhaps that’s what he holds over Kylo’s head. Or him explaining to Kylo how he was raised by less than stellar parenting and tried so hard to live up to his strict father too… So he brutally murdered Brendol in cold blood (possibly with Phasma’s help), became a better admiral than he ever was, and got over it “Like an adult. Unlike you.”. They’d be in this constant state of delicate, tense equality; Kylo can easily overpower Hux if he pisses him off a bit too much, but Hux is able to walk that fine edge seemingly without much effort.

But when he realizes whatever grand cosmic plot he and the entire First Order has been participating in this whole time is when, ironically, there would probably be a really dramatic villainous breakdown from him. It’s kind of a Zuko and Azula situation with Kylo and Hux perhaps? Or is this Hux more a mix of Azula and Zhao’s roles rather?

——

Worldbuilding stuff: Since I’m more a character person, there isn’t much here, but because the worldbuilding was another issue in the movies I’ll also be adding these.

The New Republic isn’t nuked in the first movie. In fact it stays there for the duration of the trilogy and the hero faction is now its armed forces, not The Resistance (Also that name makes no sense. Seriously. At least name them The Peacekeeper Corps or Vigilantes or something, or since they’re basically Leia’s personal military maybe the Organa Free Army or Organa Corps or something of that sort. No wonder people mistakenly call them The Rebels sometimes. It’s a similar setup to Chrom’s Shepherds in Fire Emblem Awakening, albeit with a better relationship with the kingdom; it would be downright strange if the Shepherds called themselves The Resistance despite literally existing with the queen’s permission, and it still is here. Hell, Leia’s Shepherds is a better name). There would be elaboration on the political stuff going on behind the scenes, and if Leia isn’t a Jedi that’s her plotline probably, though a big part of me wants her to be part of the action instead of being stuck on the homeworld.

Meanwhile, The First Order is made up of Imperial Remnants and people and planets who were unsatisfied with the democratic but still new and fragile New Republic. Basically think White Russians if the Soviets weren’t also awful. It happens a lot in history. While it may have some mining planets in its orbit (not literally, you know what I mean) so it can plausibly refurbish anything Kylo wrecks with his tantrums, Starkiller Base is probably a bit much, and a lot of their equipment might be old Imperial or Rebel stuff, or stolen from the New Republic, with new stuff being produced but not in overly high quantity. Some of the equipment deemed less important might even be kind of crappy due to how old they are. They’d probably be at most an equally powerful faction to the Republic, if not smaller than them, seeming more like a terrorist cell. I don’t have much of an idea why Snoke would want to be involved in it yet though.

But while the First Order might be smaller, the New Republic is hindered by it just now finally gaining its footing, and the military previously only having been used for peacekeeping and sniping stray Imperial remnants. Because it’s peacetime, it might have been kept pretty small, and also the military academies are literally not even 30 years old at this point, so new that it’s possible Poe, despite his youth, was one of the earliest graduates; one of the military’s most high-ranking officers is literally a scoundrel with no formal training - even if he is good at his job - it isn’t exactly a well-oiled machine, though its less rigid, casual structure also does benefit it in some aspects. Also the FO can easily use Kylo as intimidation, and its upper staff is nothing if not driven and motivated as well as ruthless. They may engage in more underhanded actions like sabotage and suicide bombers, or rely on small elite units like the Knights of Ren or small companies of troopers, to poke holes in the enemy just as much as open combat. And maybe if all else fails Snoke causes something really bad to happen seemingly out of nowhere.

While I do think that making the baddies an Empire 2.0 is an… uncreative decision, I want to keep Finn’s backstory, plus it fits Kylo’s story too so blah, I kind of have to keep it. Plus I want to do Phasma and Hux justice. Maybe Snoke or whatever it serves turns into a giant Eldritch abomination and have no use for the FO anymore. And again, reactionary forces are a thing that have existed throughout early modern history. But as already mentioned, due to the nature of the First Order’s existence, maybe the Stormtroopers aren’t kidnapped, but they were orphans picked off the streets, and/or some more dedicated Imperial parents gave them their children? I had the idea that Troopers like Finn are “Junior Troopers”, the child slave type, while older members, “Senior Troopers”, would be legit Imperial revanchists and former troopers. Maybe there’s a separate company of Juniors who think they’re cool by fighting for the First Order, but generally Juniors would be the lowest on the social rung, though some might make it into higher positions, and don’t know any other life than what they have now. Though I also like the idea that Finn was part of an elite unit directly connected to Kylo Ren like the 501st, so he has a reason to be particularly hurt by his betrayal (but that could throw a wrench in the whole Finn was a faceless cog in the machine thing). They’re pretty Prussian in command structure; officers work under mission-tactics, but the rank-and-file are machine-like in their discipline, more than even some actual droids. The Republic’s forces also probably engage in mission-tactics a lot, except how far it is acceptable goes way further down the chain of command, so stuff like the Holdo situation doesn’t happen. If that situation were to happen when mission-tactics were to be expected Poe’s independent action would be seen as reasonable. This would have potential for very interesting battles and tactics, though I’d need a lot of help with those because I’m the furthest thing from a tactician you can find (but even I can tell the bomber scene from TLJ was dumb, which should say something).

I kind of realized that it’s possible that the four OT legacy characters may end up basically representing four major aspects of the New Republic; the Jedi (Luke), law and justice (Leia, if she’s a senator), the military (Han, if he’s a general), and economics (Lando). I think some worldbuilding into how the republic functions should be explored through these characters as they move the story forward, except for the Jedi since they’re obviously a central focus, and Luke might very well be introduced after them, and the military will also get focus for obvious reasons, and Poe exists. The information definitely needs to be conveyed as efficiently and organically as possible through the story, because there’s two, likely three, equally important main characters and an unholy amount of secondary characters who aren’t exactly minor.

May write more later idk. I need to be doing other stuff…

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groupwest · 3 years ago

Text

Tw sui talk but not in a bad way don’t worry !

So Australian government is going to pass a voluntary assisted dying law in qld finally... which is awesome!!! Amazing fantastic very happy and in support of it but I have been reading the logistics of it all n can’t stop thinking abt like... why is “suicide” such a yucky awful taboo to everyone, why is it so different from a termanally ill persons wish to die on their own terms??? What is so bad and wrong and unacceptable about literally anyone’s wish for death? We have a lot of people on this earth! And people have free will. People have autonomy over their lives, why aren’t they allowed to have it over their deaths? Why does a person have to be “expected to die within 12 months” to be ~~allowed~~~ to kill themselves!? It just seems absurd to me and always has. I know it seems absurd to everyone I’ve ever talked abt it with, that it’s “illegal” to kill urself?! Ppl call suicide selfish but keeping someone on this earth in their body against their will seems to be the most selfish thing u could ask of anybody. Of course i have been there myself and I know that many people have these thoughts, and then later are glad they didn’t go thru with it, glad they r still here. But shouldn’t it still be so much more acceptable to talk about, it should not be hidden in shame. After my first attempt (I was 11) I never told anyone for so many years. I shouldered that pain by myself, as a child. It shouldn’t have to be this way! I should have been able to tell my mother, or anyone, and have a calm open discussion abt it, one where my reasons for doing so were heard and respected... I don’t know... I know it must be very hard to figure out where to draw the line, especially when you have to get a bunch of politicians to agree to what u r proposing... but I hope one day ppls decisions of how they live their life, and how they want to end it, will be truly respected and listened to. A persons life is theirs and theirs only. Death is no different. If anything it is far more personal, sacred, just as important and spectacular moment in one’s life as birth. And we r finally getting brave enough as a society to look death in the face, to not shy away, explore this path of our lives with curiosity, reverence, respect, compassion, love... we don’t need to be so afraid of the darkness anymore.

#thanks for coming to my tedtalk...#if u disagree I would love to hear ur point of view as well btw...#death mention /#sui mention /#idk. am I wrong?? is it wrong to talk about the two together #I don’t mean to downplay anyone’s suffering. i can’t imagine what it is like to be terminally ill and being stuck in a hospital knowing #u will die there. that’s incomparable #but of course those of us who r mentally ill I feel like deserve that compassion and that choice as well #I feel we all deserve that choice no matter what really...?#is that wrong...?

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alethiometry · 4 years ago

Note

For the character meme... Brasidas aaaaand Alexios.

just answered brasidas here!

i’m going to assume you meant eagle bearer alexios, but if you want my deimos thoughts those are here!

How I feel about this character

i haven’t actually played as alexios myself, but i have watched my friend play and i think he is a sweetheart! he seems like that nice jock at your school who was friends with everybody, but also absolutely destroyed the competing school’s team at every game, so no one really dares to fuck with him.

also the fact that he is like 30 years old and does not know what a dildo is until alkibiades shows him... poor kid

All the people I ship romantically with this character

thaletas, lykaon, neema, and brasidas! this may, once again, have been colored by me watching my friend play alexios as strictly mlm (except in the case of neema, because... yeah.) but i think he generally goes for chiller dudes.

which does raise the question: Is Thaletas Actually A Chill Dude? not at first! but i’d argue that over the course of his questline on mykonos he learns to grow into his position as general of the spartan troops, and by the time you romance him he is able to relax and be himself.

i just really love alexios/thaletas ok

My non-romantic OTP for this character

deimos!kassandra of course! i wish we could see more of alexios actively learning how to be an older brother, but that is veering into the territory of the last question in this ask meme, so i’ll just leave that here and talk about other characters:

roxana! i vascillate between seeing her and alexios as a romantic ship and as platonic bffs, but either way i would romance her in-game just so i can recruit her for the adrestia. they’re both mature adults, they can navigate a post-hookup platonic friendship.

kyra! mostly because i love her as a character but don’t like to romance her because then i’d have to kill thaletas lol

finally: alexios and kids! i want him to be every wayward child’s fun and overprotective older brother. this is of course most apparent with phoibe, but i think he also sees a lot of himself in arsenios (tour guide kid) and ardos (minotaur questline kid).

(honestly all the kid characters in odyssey are just Spunky Orphans™️ with little/scarce characterization beyond that, but it works really well given our protagonists and what they, too, have been through from a young age.)

My unpopular opinion about this character

ALEXIOS’ VOICE ACTING IS GOOD.

also, i know that one of the (many, many) criticisms against ubisoft’s creative direction is that alexios was only introduced as a main character because they didn’t think that kassandra as a standalone protagonist would sell. yes, that is wildly fucked up reasoning. yes, ubisoft has a LOT to answer for with regards to the sexism in not only their games but within their company as well. having kassandra as the canon protagonist in accordance with the companion novel does not exonerate ubisoft of their deeply-ingrained sexism; but on the flip side, i don’t think having alexios as a playable option detracts from the game, and is not inherently a bad thing. i don’t like the reasoning behind it, but i do like that he is a playable character. because even though the protagonist’s lines are the same, the delivery and voice acting differs between kassandra and alexios, rendering them two distinct and vibrant characters. so i like that they both exist. and i think that alexios as a character rises above ubisoft’s backward, fucked-up, misogynistic rationale in creating him in the first place.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

my answer for this is the same as my answer would be if you’d asked me about kassandra: i wish the family storyline hadn’t ended so abruptly, and that it had explored more deeply the eagle bearer’s relationship with their family—particularly their relationship with deimos. it’s hard to do so effectively in a game format, especially since odyssey already has a crazy long runtime, so from a purely technical/logistical perspective, i understand why it was left out. still, i wish we had at least a couple sidequests that maybe unfolded differently depending on whether or not we let deimos live and if they were a lieutenant on the adrestia. so... basically like that lemnos quest where roxana reappears if you recruited her and got the best quest ending. just some short scenes where we see how the eagle bearer is adjusting to the family they worked so damn hard to reunite.

give me a character and i’ll deliver some sizzling hot takes

#maximalblaze #asked #ask games #thank you for asking!#i hope these answers were okay lol i am a Fake Gamer and haven't actually played as alexios but i did my best #assassin's creed #ac odyssey #alexios

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oldguardsideblog · 4 years ago

Text

I uhhh kept thinking about Quynh and so here’s another take on the “we dream of each other. They stop when we meet.” regarding her, Booker, and Nile.

cw: canon adjacent depictions of death and emotional distress.

-------------------------------

“Booker,” said a voice of a woman who by all logical reason shouldn't be able to exist across from him, “It’s nice to finally meet you”

She leaned casually against the counter of his latest safe house, eyes trained on him rather than the gun he had pointed at her, and took a sip of water out of one of the only two glasses that he owned. She shouldn’t be here, and it wasn't simply because of the newly reinforced need for anonymity after his latest betrayal.

Last time he had seen her had been when he last slept two days ago. Waking from another nightmare of her eternal imprisonment, her constant and never ending pain, he had a renewed energy to go and get blackout drunk. Wandering from bar to bar to park, he finally resigned himself to the idea of going home. Only his house wasn’t empty when he got there.

He keeps his gun trained on her. The logistics of her ability to be here run through his head. He notes her modern state of dress, her well mannequired and healed hands. Her eyes, so similar to Andy’s in the way they spoke volumes of years lived and died. Two days wasn’t enough to escape and get to him. Was he out for longer than he thought?

“You shouldn't be here.” He says stupidly.

She looks between him and his weapon with a raised eyebrow, “Now, is that anyway to treat one of your oldest friends?”

He laughs bitterly, “If you’re looking for revenge you’re a bit too late.”

She tilts her head at him and pushes herself off from the counter “Now, what is it that you think I know of you?

He shoots for honesty. If she wanted to kill or capture him he’d be dead already. “I’ve betrayed the others. I let them get captured. I let Andy get hurt.”

At the mention of Andy her facade breaks and she inhales as if pained.

He looks clearly into Quynhs eyes, “Any punishment you seek to give them, please know that they’ve suffered enough.” Then, he looks away in shame, “They've escaped but I haven’t done anything good.”

Her voice cuts through his deprecation and brings his gaze back to her face. She’s kept her reaction neutral but if he didn’t know any better he’d say she looks sympathetic “I know of your betrayal Booker.”

He looks at her guilty “How is that?”

‘Why don’t we sit down for this.” she says, moving towards him. The grip on his gun tightens on instinct before he remembers himself and gestures for Quynh to sit, tucking his gun into the back of his pants. He takes a seat as well and then freezes at Quynhs piercing stare.

She searches his face quite seriously then, nodding like she’s found something acceptable in there, she leans forward, both hands resting gently around her glass.

“You and I have a connection, as we all do before we meet. I wish I could say that feeling what you felt was what kept me alive all these years. But that would be a lie.” She smiles carefully at him, and Booker is hit with another reflection of Andy when she meant to break bad news to him. “In fact, you made me feel worse.”

Booker swallows “Alright,”

“You have to recognize that the absolute absurdity of our situation is something that I got over years ago. Dying as I did absolutely alone before she found me. I had decided nothing seemed to make sense anymore and if I was cursed to die forever, well, there was comfort in that certainty”

She considers him, “We heal, but that may just be the problem.”

“Booker, I’m here because I want to tell you a story few people on earth know, with a conclusion that I’ve never shared with anyone else. After all, I think that you owe me at least that.” Her gaze pierces through him.

He nods, pained that she knows him in this way and honored that she trusts him even marginally “I understand”

She looks off into the distance and he watches as she circles the top of her glass with a well manicured nail, healed without a blemish after 500 years of clawing at metal. She takes her time starting but he knows better than to interrupt. Finally she speaks.

“I know that you have worries but in many ways I have had too much of my time wasted to aim for revenge.

I know that she’s sorry. I have seen her. You forget that while my nightmares plagued you, I was the one living them. you forget that you were my only eyes into the world and you were the only one who knew anything about me. What were you planning on doing once your gamble paid off? Dying? Leaving a poor old woman to lose all sense of connection to the real world”

Booker swallows “I-”

Quynh holds a hand up, “Again Booker, I am not here for revenge and I am not here for an apology. I am here so someone, anyone, knows what happened to me. Give me that, give me a voice, Booker.”

He looks her over. Here was the woman that he tried so hard to replace. He knew he never wanted to be her, after the fate she had, but there was an emptiness where she should be among the group, one that over the years he began to realize that he would never live up to filling.

Realizing she was waiting for an answer he clears his throat and croaks out “Of course.”

She looks relieved. “Good.” She looks back out past him and begins

“I have had many beginnings, my birth, my first death, and then my first life.

My first life was remarkable only in the sense that any mortal life it’s; it was a gift filled with opportunity that you had to be lucky enough to come by or to die trying. I was married, I had a number of children who lived well into adulthood and I was amazing in battle.

But as it is for all warriors it’s a double edged blade. The more battles you fight the better you become, the more invincible you believe you are and the more mistakes you make. Like us all I died in a fight for my life. And like us all, I lost.

But then I came back to life. I became amazing in battle in wartime and I had a beautiful family in times of peace. I dreamt of a woman, who like me would not stay down. And when enough of my family had passed on, so many generations having passed that my memory was all that held them to that present, I moved on. I continued my battle elsewhere, but at once I was betrayed. For a few bits of gold I was left out in the desert to die. Only I could not do it only once and be done with. I had to keep dying over and over, and likely forever.”

Quynh felt herself have difficulty continuing but knew this may be her only chance and pressed on.

“My only hope was this woman who I had dreamt of, one who I wasn’t even sure was real. Our dreams were our only connection and my only key to the outside world. Additionally, as you well know Booker, we don’t see things exactly or clearly through the dreams, we sense strong emotions, feats and disasters. There are near images but not many to tell us someone's exact location.

After decades had passed and I had tired of dying, I had begun to no longer care. Yes my body wanted me to live but my mind did not. Staying in that state the two began to fracture, and I found my mind began to wander very far away from my body. I began to see her during my deaths as well as during my dreams.”

She had all the time in the world to consider them, but still she searched for the right words.

“These two experiences were... different. The dreams were hazy, they were feelings and impressions of the world as Andromache saw them. The deaths however, they were as if I was standing there next to her. I couldn’t say how long I would spend with her during each death, as time had lost all meaning out in the desert. And at the time. I didn't know if I was simply watching Andy’s memories or if I was truly there with her. I liked to imagine that I was there, though I could affect no change in her world. But in these deaths I could watch time pass, from the changing of the sun over her head. I would wander the world near her, searching for me.

I myself didn't know if this search would come to fruition, but I traveled alongside her nonetheless. I rode horseback beside her, I climbed mountains and walked paths and ran quickly beside her. I laid beside her as she slept and I waited for her to find me.

Before these travels with her I had no interest in finding her but I was truly fascinated with this woman who seemed so hardened by the world but filled with a flicker of hope at the prospect of finding me. It made me more willing to be found. As I gained my resolve I would try new things, I would send her images of where I was, but as I could only see sand for miles it seemed to do no good. The images we dream of are without sound. During my deaths I started to whisper around her. I told her the names of the desert I had entered, I told her my last known place, I told her my name. And with that last reveal she seemed to have heard me.

While she could not see me and we could not hold a conversation, something had finally gotten through to her. With that I was pulled back to myself, I could no longer reach her because I had expended too much energy. So I continued to die for many decades, unable to see her in my deaths, but I had felt her hope and knew she would prevail.

Until finally, Andromache’s face appeared above me. And this was so different from before. When I could see her in my deaths I wasn’t really there. But this time, she looked straight at me. When Andy stepped between me and the burning sun, casting blissful shade after so long without and looked me directly in the eye, I knew I would take her here with me any day over simply haunting her. (and I swore to myself that I would never haunt her again). And when I coughed up at Andy and died one more time for good measure, I did not picture myself following Andy, unseen, in fact I did not dream at all.”

Quynh smiles and then sighs, bringing herself back to reality and Booker, looking at her from across the table, far too knowing for one so young. Here was the only one who’s mind she’d been able to see into for years.

She smiles sadly at him “I think you understand by now what has happened but as I said, I needed to tell my story so I will ask you to listen to the rest.”

“When Lykon became like us Andromache and I both dreamt of him and he of us, but during that time with Andromache at my back, our deaths were few and far between. Even after his loss and with the addition of Yusuf and Niccolò I did not experience what I had with Andromache.”

Quynh takes a deep breath, “And then I was lost. And all I had for 300 years were my own thoughts and my own silent screams. My own anger and my own rage at the world, at my family, at myself. I have died without revive far more than anyone ever in existence. You are an anomaly but I am a tragedy.

All I had was silence for what I now know to be 300 years, I saw a young man betray his nation and fail at his escape and my apologies, Booker, but more importantly than you, I saw Andromache again.”

Quynh recalls these facts clinically but she is certain that Booker doesn’t miss the tremor in her voice.

“She was different than I remembered. Harder. More removed from the world. Similar to the woman I had first seen in my dreams but now aimless, with no real destination in mind.

When I had been lost I thought she must have died. Why else would she not have found me. I pictured her in a fate similar to my own, separated and imprisoned. One unable to reach the other as much as her soul yearned for her to do so, trapped as we both were. But when you were reborn I saw that was not the case.

And for many years I didn’t get the opportunity to discover why, trapped as I were alongside you, who had chosen to forsake our drive to save the world and remain with your family. I cannot blame you too harshly, for I did the same in your place. But after years of drowning you had denied me air by choosing to remain separate from my family.

I spent much of that time, wondering why, if she had not been trapped similarly, did she not find me. Of course the first time she had insight to my thoughts and thereby my location. She did not even know of my existence until your exile from your last remaining family member when you finally asked about the woman you were dreaming about. I remember she was cold to you for years for that, pained as she was during that time. What I now see as anger at herself for not asking more questions when you first met.

I waited with you for a long time and I tried to whisper to you my last known place, but unlike Andromache you never seemed to see me.”

So after years with you I disappeared to go back to drowning. There was nothing for me on the surface as I had been all but forgotten.”

Booker shakes his head vigorously “You were never forgotten Quynh, we never forgot you for a moment”

She smiles lightly back at him “Still I thought what was the point of calling for help if no one else cared to find you?

“I would’ve believed that you had forgotten for the rest of my eternity but as always fate has other plans. Trapped in my grief and rage as I was, the rebirth of Nile was no more than a wisp of recognition against my subconscious. And when she fell asleep and I saw the faces of my oldest friends through new eyes I could give her nothing back but my desperation.

And whether I meant to or not, I appeared beside her as she asked about me. Perhaps now I had met someone who would not give up on me like you all had. I didn’t want to get my hopes up but I watched with a certain sort of desperation while Andy forsook me. Lying about me to Nile. Calling me no more than a soldier while she still wore my life around her neck.

I wanted to follow, I wanted to demand the answers I so deserved. Why, if they loved me, had they abandoned me? But my bond was not as strong to Nile and I felt myself rooted to spot, looking at you, Booker. Who looked to regret something deeply. I didn't understand, so I stayed with you and looked upon my old friends faces. And, when soldiers burst the door open and shot a grenade into you I was all of a sudden in two places at once. Watching in front of you and also inside of you. Sensing your true feelings. Your betrayal.”

Quynh let out a ragged breath, “I thought few things could hurt me after so long imprisoned but the fact that not only had all forgotten of me but you would subject the others to the same fate that cursed me for eternity

I screamed like I never had before. There isn't much worse than losing that which you didn’t even know you had left .

I stayed with you. I watched Andromache in the abandoned mine we had found with Yusuf and Niccolò once we had pulled them from their battle grounds, so young were they yet. And now here was Nile undergoing the same initiation. Yusuf Niccolò and myself, nowhere to be found. Your doing. So I did not truly desire to follow Andy while she left a place, previously a home to me, now filled with items I found unrecognizable. For they were gathered in my absence. I stayed because I did not trust you with Nile. If you would betray your oldest friends then what might you do to a girl you’ve just met. Who had no more in common with you than not being able to die.

I have felt many times over the years that that is the way you perceive many of us. You let jealousy feed you when you see Joe and Nicky, as you refer to them, together. Not realizing the sacrifices that they’ve had to make to remain together. You look at my Andromache and you feel a kinship because you have both betrayed your wives by living longer lives than them. But neither of you realize that our biggest curse is simply that you are unreachable.

In that cave I was so far removed from in time, I saw your remorse. I heard you say that your family thought you weak and selfish and that you didn’t love them enough. I realized the grudge I had been holding and knew that there must be reasons I was not privy to as to why Andy would refuse to speak of me honestly.

And ask and you shall receive, you hid in trees surrounding the area Nile and Andromache leaned against their vehicle and discussed what was next and we watched Andromache admit that she had broken her promise to me. With her renewed determination to not let that happen to anyone else, I realized that that was all I had needed to hear. After all this time, I needed an acknowledgement that she had given up and that she was sorry. And with that I had found a new sense of stress that you had betrayed them. But, unable to help, I found that I no longer wanted to see what had happened. I sunk back into myself, only to be ripped out of my torment once more as Nile was shot down in the stark white hallways of your prison. She held her breath as they searched her, pretending to still be dead, and I willed them to not notice her gentle breathing, But she's good, she knew not to gasp back to life, but to center herself before destroying the rest.

I floated again until she, deciding that Andy’s axe wasn't fast enough, pushed the man who you had been captured by out of the window using her own body. She came to in the remains of a vehicle and you all helped her recover from such a gruesome yet heroic death. You were exiled, I take it, and now I am here.”

“But how,” Booker asks disbelieving “How if you couldn’t even get a message to me, are we able to talk now?”

She leans back, the tension she had held relaying the story, all but zapped from her, “With there being two of you who I haven’t met yet, I have a more tangible connection to the outside world.

He nods, thinking it over.

“You are also now lonely enough to see me.” Quynh adds amusedly.

Booker starts, embarrassed.

“I think you can see me now because the idea no longer upsets you like it did before. You are willing to see me because you have no one else left.” She expands, though seemingly not insulted.

Booker can see a visible difference about Quynh now that she has finished her story. She looks as if a weight has been lifted off of her both metaphorically and physically, for the edges around her have started to blur.

“Please, tell me where I can find you.” he begs.

She shakes her head “I still do not know. It’s dark and it’s painful. The sheer pressure of the water is enough to keep me down, if not just the chamber I’m trapped in.”

‘Do you not see when you leave to come here?”

“No, I am simply there and now here. I don’t try to betray myself with hope when I know there is none. I will spend the rest of my days drowning. I know this because I am well acquainted with death, even with Andromache’s years before me. I still have experienced the most deaths and rebirths of any person in all of human history.”

“You can’t just give up.”

“Booker…”

“No, listen to me, I’ve already gone down that path, just waiting for it to end isn’t an option. Yes I will tell your story, yes I will remember you but what do you think the others will do when I tell them I saw you and did nothing?”

She laughs “I am sorry to give you this burden but I believe it is just penance. I would appreciate it if you tell Yusuf and Niccolò that I do not blame them and I wish them all the best. Nile that she while she is still new she will be better than all the rest of us. And Andromache… if you could tell her, that I’m still with her until the end.” she closes her eyes remorsefully “That would be very helpful, Booker.”

“Wait, Andy. Do you know?” Booker asks in a panic.

“Do I know what?” she says eyes still closed

“She’s lost her immortality”

Quynhs eyes fly open.

“She’s mortal” he chokes out.

And Quynh disappears.

------------

shout out especially to this post in particular for inspiring my ability to write the last bit of this

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queenrhenpendragon · 5 years ago

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You know whose arc gets me every time?

Dameon’s. Dameon Maurva's arc is so beautiful and significant and affects not only himself but multiple other characters and also the entire heckin plot of the game and it moves me Every. Single. Time.

So I’m going to rant about it, welcome to the post I’ve been waiting to make for fourteen years.

First of all, this precious sun, this dear one, this absolute angel, was most likely raised mainly by an Ahriman sympathizer-- like, c'mon, am I supposed to believe Talia kept a child in the dream realm? Even without the nightmares it's dangerous, and very isolated. If something were to happen there would be nowhere she could send Dameon while she dealt with it. It’s one thing in fanfiction, but when I actually consider the logistics, either she was a truly terrible, irresponsible parent, or Dameon lived in Aveyond with his father. I've played Ahriman’s Prophecy; responsibility is Talia's middle name. Dameon was raised in Aveyond.

He has to have been a lonely child. He most likely had no human friends, and definitely none his age. Maybe the binis or fairies or sometimes Vata babysat him when Mr. Maurva was unavailable. Maybe not. Either way, such contact couldn’t replace his need for love and validation from his incredibly busy and important parents.

He probably constantly sought his parents' approval and was constantly falling short because how do you impress an immortal sun priest, millenia old and the last of his kind? Especially one who is apparently becoming disenchanted with the ideals he once fought for, the ideals his fellow priests died for. How do you impress a half-fairy who saved the world at the tender age of 17, who then became the Guardian of Dreams and is responsible for the safety and well being of every mortal creature? Especially! When! You only see them when they’re not busy keeping the universe running smoothly!

Furthermore.

Please understand that I love Talia and do not wish to vilify her in any way. I point out her flaws because I love her, because her shortcomings are so human and tragic and are part of what make the story as impactful as it is. And Talia... does not easily express affection. She is not likely to have cuddled Dameon during the times his father took him to the Dreamworld-- which just can't have been often, I just can't imagine a parent who even kind of cared about their child taking them to such a place frequently. She is not likely to have praised him or spent any notable amount of time showing interest in his interests. I do not say this to condemn her. She had a lot of responsibilities. She had never been a mother before-- and yes, she had a great example of motherhood in her Grandmama, but her own mother also left her in the care of others, abandoned her to pursue a louder call. Is it any wonder that she ultimately did the same to her own child?

She has no real relationship with Dameon. Even without all the evidence I have already laid out, this much is obvious in the way they speak to and about each other. Talia doesn't even mention Dameon is her son when she first tells Rhen about him. She gives him no more than an epithet, "Dameon, the sun priest." She does not express particular concern over his safety, even though she knows the druids are in danger and she herself was almost killed.

And Dameon calls her “mother,” and it is not because of the dialogue style of the game. Talia calls her parental figure “Grandmama.” Rhen calls Tailor “Pa” and “Daddy,” and Ma is known only as “Ma.” But Dameon calls Talia “Mother,” and his father “Father,” because that is the level of familiarity between them. The Maurvas live a strict, solitary life. Is it any wonder that Dameon is stiff and formal at the beginning? Is it any wonder he struggles to connect with others beyond a thoughtful compliment or an antiquated form of greeting? He doesn’t like himself, let alone trust himself. No one has ever taught him how to. He is so isolated, and lonely, and touch-starved, and unloved, and if that was the end of his character it would still move me. But there is more.

Talia literally killed his father, her own husband. It had to have happened when Dameon was still very young. If you take into account Devin’s apparent age, and the fact that a barely-aged Jack in av2 remembers Alicia as queen of Thais when we know that you can only ascend to the throne of Thais if you are married, and a few other details which I would be happy to pull up if anyone is interested, you will realize that Dameon can’t possibly be more than a year older than Rhen. More likely, he is younger, and this would be in line with the other canon ships we see throughout the Aveyond series.

And we found out in Rhen’s Quest that his father was murdered “many years ago.” MANY! YEARS! He was still a child, maybe 11 years old, at my best guess. He most likely hadn’t even attended a magic school yet. It’s possible he wasn’t even thinking about it. And then he had to take the position as Druid of Light. When he was a child, still mourning the death of the person most precious to him, at the hands of the only other person he could have had any semblance of a relationship with in all of Aia.

The people who were supposed to be teaching Dameon how to be gentle, loyal, and upright instead taught him how to hurt, and betray, and murder those closest to him. Even without Ahriman's influence, how is a child raised in that environment supposed to turn out healthy and good?

And yet he is still good! He is gentle and thoughtful towards not just Rhen but everyone he meets on the quest. That includes heckin MAD MARGE if you forgot. That includes an actual ogre. That includes people who are spiteful and dismissive towards him. He treats Rhen like she outranks him, the Guardian of the Sun, when she is still a peasant with a practice sword. He is kind to literally everyone except Talia, and he is at least respectful even to her. He never raises his voice at her. He never calls her anything except Mother. Never traitor, never murderer, never any of the curses we know Amanda had no qualms about using because she used them plenty in AP. Just Mother.

In fact he appears to be the reason Ahriman decided against killing Talia. Yes, Dameon wants justice for his murdered father. I think anyone who is being honest with themselves can admit they would, too. But he doesn’t want to kill her. He doesn’t want her to die. He just wants her to understand what she did, to understand the hurt she caused. He is apparently so against killing her that Ahriman has to change his carefully laid plans before he can convince Dameon to change sides.

And consider. During all of this, Dameon is literally possessed by Ahriman, or under his demonic influence, or however you want to phrase it. This influence likely began even before the game, but even if you ignore that, it is no small thing. Remember how quickly Mel became corrupted under this influence? Remember how quickly Galahad, who resisted the urge to drink blood for actual centuries, became corrupted? The fact that Dameon has any shred of goodness at all, after years of exposure to such darkness, even if you ONLY take into account the actual duration of the game, is evidence that Rhen is right; Dameon has a genuinely good, incredibly strong heart.

And speaking of that conversation. Please allow me to share some of my favorite screenshots in the entirety of the series.

My precious sun really went from this:

To having this very level-headed and respectful conversation, of which I have shared only two tiny snippets:

To THIS:

This. Is tangible, real difference, at a rate which makes sense, and I am so proud of him. I have seen people try to dismiss it, and his other development, by saying he is just pretending in order to make Rhen trust him. That literally. Does not make any sense. First of all, if this was part of his efforts to persuade Rhen to join Ahriman he would have done absolutely anything except agree that perhaps Talia was right. He would have tried to convince Rhen that Ahriman was right, not admitted he may have been wrong. And second, even if you ignore that incredibly obvious discrepancy, he either would have forgotten about the conversation with Rhen by the time they returned to the sun shrine and his mother asked him the question again, or he would have pretended to have forgiven her completely. Instead, he acts as though he is uncertain, because he is uncertain.

And his actions in the dream realm, confronting and fighting Agas for attacking his mother and desecrating her shrine, prove that he is sincere. Of course it takes him some time. Of course he hesitates. Forgiving someone for taking your parent from you is an enormous act. Forgiving someone you trusted for causing you that much pain is unfathomable. His progress is profound and inspiring and does not deserve to be treated like any less.

And he makes this progress while still under Ahriman’s influence! Can you even imagine! Aasgakadgjlkjklj. He tries to do what he believes is right even at the cost of those things most precious to him, his beliefs and ideals and the sacred memory of the person who raised him. ONE conversation prompts him to question everything. While Ahriman still has possession of him. I cannot even begin to comprehend being that brave. And this is just one small example.

I have seen many negative, unfair evaluations of the fairy dust scene. It is deeply tragic to me that such an important, eloquent, beautiful symbol could be so widely misunderstood. I have tried to explain it before. Allow me to indulge myself once again.

Fairy dust always reveals the truth. This effect is well established, not just in Rhen’s Quest but even in Ahriman’s Prophecy. It heals physical wounds (aka HP) and reveals the truth, and that’s all. There is never any indication that it can change hearts or magically “goodify” anyone or anything. It is not a deus ex machina. It was included specifically to exclude the possibility of that interpretation. It only reveals the truth, and if Dameon had already been aware of the truth, or if he truly honestly wanted the same things Ahriman wanted, it would have changed exactly nothing. That’s why Rhen’s choice to use it is so significant. It shows that she trusts him, as he is. She knows that he has a good heart and will do what is right when he knows what that is; she has been saying so for the whole game. In the final battle she gets the chance to prove she believes that.

And she does.

And she’s right.

When the truth is revealed to Dameon, he follows it, at the cost of his chance for justice, at the cost of living forever, safely, with the one person who has ever shown him any significant amount of affection, at the cost of everything he ever dared to want in his short, lonely, miserable life. While still under Ahriman’s demonic influence! Ahriman is still in his head! And he chooses to resist even though it means he will lose everything.

Now, this whole plot could have worked without the fairy dust. Previous cutscenes in the game have already proven that Dameon listens to Rhen. The screenshots I included are just a few examples of this; trust me, I could go on for a while. Dameon believes her and believes in her and trusts her, where he doesn’t trust himself. Amanda could have had Rhen just tell him what to do. Rhen could have had another conversation, told Dameon to switch back, and that would be that. It would be consistent and believable with what had happened in the game thus far.

Except then Dameon still wouldn’t trust himself, or like himself. He would still be lonely and self-loathing and miserable, or even if he wasn’t, there would be plenty of room for that interpretation.

But instead Rhen gives him a choice. Instead Amanda makes it clear that his redemption is not Rhen’s responsibility, or her decision, or her doing at all. All Rhen does is throw the fairy dust, and then lets Dameon realize what is right, and choose for himself what action he will take. She gives him the opportunity to trust himself, to believe in himself, for perhaps the first time in his life. She makes it clear that she believes in him. She gives him the support he’s been starving for his entire existence, and then she steps back, and let’s him choose.

This part is so significant for her arc, too. I have ranted about it elsewhere but allow me to sum up: Rhen has spent the game feeling like she doesn’t have a choice, and questioning her own judgement and her own significance. Dameon is the first to give her a choice, one which she seriously considers. She realizes she’s always had a choice. And she finally acts on her own judgement, without prompting from anyone else (in fact, without prompting even from the player, because as you might recall the choice the player is offered has always been “fight Dameon,” and yet Rhen never lifts a finger against him). She trusts her own heart and invites Dameon to trust his. She has always been a hero but this is the moment she really steps fully into the role. She saves herself. And then she gives Dameon the choice to do the same.

And they fight Ahriman, at staggering personal costs. Dameon fights while, again, still under Ahriman’s influence. He has to fight Ahriman physically and mentally, or spiritually, or all of them, most likely. He is not free until Rhen plunges the Sword of Shadows through Ahriman’s heart.

This part. I cry every time and I am crying thinking about it. Dameon has been a prisoner for likely as long as he can remember. His father supported Ahriman. He likely let that influence into the sun shrine. He let it affect Dameon. Dameon has likely never known a life without that darkness. Or if he did, he was too young to remember it. And now, finally, he is free. There is light for the first time. And because Rhen gave him a choice, he has the confidence and experience to stay free, to make himself and be proud of himself and not be just what he thought his parents wanted.

His gratitude to Rhen is profound. He has always been respectful and supportive of her, he has always listened to her and trusted her, as demonstrated during their first conversation when she meets him in Aveyond, and their conversations in the manor in Sedona, and every other tiny interaction they have. He looks up to her immensely.

And I think that is part of why he is so resolute about continuing in his role as the Druid of Light. Rhen has spent the game shouldering responsibilities that no one else could or would. Being the Guardian of the Sun is his responsibility, and he is determined to follow her example.

It is also the only thing he has ever known.

In the midst of his own uncertainty, still reeling from his own losses, resigned to a lonely eternity in his childhood prison, he still offers Rhen his support and devotion. This is before she ever makes her choice. He listens to her, sympathizes with her, and encourages her. He loves her, explicitly, out loud in canon dialogue, in literally. Every ending. No matter what she chooses. Nobody ever taught him how to love and yet he does it so scrupulously.

And in the canon ending, the True Ending as many of us like to call it, he finally, finally gets a chance to grow beyond his family’s legacy. To love someone and be there for her. To be adored by her. To be happy. To make a difference. To live a good life and die of old age and be buried beside his best friend and true love, and to face the shadowy unknowns of the afterlife together. And he accepts it, in an instant.

This is redemption not only for himself but for Talia, and Nino. All the Maurvas with their good intentions, who never got to see their happy ending because another call was too strong. Talia gets a second chance to watch her son grow, this time in a kinder world. And she gets a second chance with one of her dearest friends. Nino's legacy of absence and broken trust is finally set right. They all get a second chance to become who they intended to be, before they heard the calls they could not ignore. All because Dameon chose truth and love over every other voice, at every cost.

It was a very fairy-like thing to do. In overcoming his families' legacy, he steps into their true heritage. Aian Fairies value truth and love most of all.

There is an inscription on the statue that guards the fairies in AP. It has always resonated with me and I think it will help describe what I mean here:

Heart of gold thy secret guards

Love, felicity, light

Gaia's precious children

I am moved. I do not know a better way to say it. Dameon Maurva inspires me, and comforts me. His example has made me a better person. He has made me a happier person. I am so grateful to Amanda for being brave enough to tell the story she did, and being brave enough to stick by it. Her story changed my life and I honestly, truly do not believe I would be here without it. Her story saved my life, and I can never praise it enough.

#aveyond #dameon maurva #aveyond rhen's quest #aveyond 1 #talia maurva #rant

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