#this makes me sound so fake. sorries.
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girl who probably has avoidant personality disorder it's fine
#I SAID I WASN'T GOING TO THINK ABT IT BUT LIKE. WELL#something that stuck in my brain whenever i heard it was like#social anxiety gets better the closer u are to people and avpd gets worse? or something?#aaaaaand i guess the latter is true for me recently. whatever!!#it's just like bigger stakes if we're closer and i fuck up and they don't like me anymore so it's scarier#buuut it could also be a bpd thing Maybe?#bpd being like a silly little mix of symptoms from so many things bcuz its literally Emotionally Unstable PD n wtv#but i dont rmbr enough at this point since bpds so obvious i havent needed to ruminate over having it in at least a year -w-#this makes me sound so fake. sorries.#diary
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If a few words can kill him, I'll die with him. Don't always talk about death. You are still young.
KISEKI: DEAR TO ME Ep. 06
#kiseki: dear to me#kisekiedit#kdtm#kiseki dear to me#louis chiang#chiang tien#jiang dian#ai di x chen yi#fan zherui#userspring#uservid#userrain#userspicy#userjjessi#usernuria#*cajedit#*gif#ai di lecturing zherui is my roman empire#when he pulled out the dage and xiongdi i was like YESSSSS#zherui will be like booo why do you guys all think im a shit gangster#and ai di will call him a wimp to his face#but in an emotionally devastating way. he's devastated.#and he is a wimp bc he faked memory loss and hid with his family for four years soooooooo got proved right!#idc if he killed someone Once we all know the fallout of that lol#these tags sound so mean sorry i dont HATE zherui i just like to make fun of him#and so does ai di! <3#conversations like this went so hard i wanted more
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@pigeonstab Oh this is fun to explore you're right
I tend to hc they don't know the story but they've picked up bits and pieces. Nightmare does not want to share, he'll avoid all attempts by others to ask about his past or what happened and he thinks he's done a fairly good job keeping them in the dark.
The problem is his boys are all Sanses. Classic Sans does not get his information by asking, he loves to read between the lines and make safe assumptions, and all his boys have a little bit of that still in them. So any time he's mentioned something off-hand or shown a bias towards one thing or another, they've been filing it away.
They don't know about his childhood (much) or what happened between him and Dream that caused all this, but they know he has a dubious past with mortals in some form and they assume it's to do with how he looks and that he feeds off negativity. They know he gets unnerved by large crowds and the sounds of apples crunching. They know he can't stand to see someone left alone in miserable circumstances.
But, alternatively, it would be really funny if he told them a fake story and they'd all been working off that the whole time
#UTDR#UTMV#Pigeonstab#Sorry your tags just really activated something in me lol#I like to think Killer especially watches him closely#He likes to know about people and his new boss is a good one to keep tabs on#When the others joined and were trying to figure him out Killer had a lot to share from the year or so that it was just them#They're all very good at hiding when they take note of something so Nightmare doesn't realise how close they are to knowing#As for the fake story it could be either something made up to make Dream sound bad so they take Nightmare's side#Or just something vague and ridiculous because how are they gonna prove him wrong?#He can just tell them anything like when you lie to little kids what are they gonna do#Bonus points if post-truce he gets Dream in on it
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my honest reaction
#once again the trailer just kind of makes me feel nothing but confusion at why theyre doing things the way they are#why is gerald still alive. even if it turns out to be time travel or him being frozen alongside shadow or something#it still takes away a lot of the emotional impact of shadows story ... why .....#the fact that theyre just seemingly having gerald be rouge's replacement in the dark story trio too???? what. thats stupid .#and speaking of rouge. where are rouge and amy. ive never seen a single good argument to justify their exclusion here#why is the only girl character from the games whos present the one who famously dies horribly for male characters' motivation#(to be clear im not saying the way maria's death is handled in the games is bad writing or anything#just that having her be the only girl character to have a movie counterpart is certainly A Choice.)#and. why are team sonic (and human characters associated with them who are supposed to be the good guys) working with gun .#gun literally does nothing but cause problems for sonic in sa2 ?!?!?!??!?!#even if it does turn out theyre not being completely honest with sonic about what shadow's whole deal is thats still. why ...#i wasnt expecting an exact recreation of sa2 but that doenst mean i have to be okay with every possible change they make either#especially when a lot of this stuff just actively makes the story worse. sa2 im so sorry they did this to you#honestly probably wouldnt bother me quite as much if this was a comic or tv show or something#and not . a big popular movie that is probably going to overshadow the game in a lot of peoples minds. ughhhh#also shadow has still only had a couple lines so maybe its not fair for me to say anything just yet#but i dont . really like how he sounds from what we've heard .. why did the ycast keanu reeves this sucks#idris elba as knuckles is starting to annoy me too tbh . like i didnt care for it at first but then it grew on me#and now im back to not really liking it . that is NOT knuckles#anyway. im honestly struggling to understand how so many fans of the games are uncritically excited about the movie ?#and dont have any problem with the writing choices being made here.. ?#do they just not care how shadow's story is portrayed as long as he looks cool doing it .. ?#im not saiyng the people who are excited are fake fans i just . dont get it
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Went to an urgent care because i was sick and I actually started passing out! So to remain conscious I began explaining Red vs Blue to the nurses around me
#rvb#red vs blue#sorry that i’ve been inactive#finals and also being sick is really killing me right now#this sounds so fake but guys i really cant make this shit up#hyperfixation saved my life guys#lmao im joking i wasnt dying#i was just going unconscious#crazy
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you: nicholas alexander chavez, the actor from ryan murphy's recent work
me, a mama's girl and daytime tv viewer:
#text post#general hospital#nicholas alexander chavez#spencer cassadine#sorry i'm still not over my shock at this lol#i remember asking my mom MONTHS ago (she follows general hospital news online) 'hey wheres spencer i havent seen him in awhile?'#'oh his character died off. the actor is doing some netflix show where he plays a murderer'#and you have to understand. i dont consume anything to do w true crime. but to my 63-year-old mother. ryan murphy doesnt exist#so bc of just how self-contained the archaic institution of network soap operas are. i just. idk i didnt assume it was a big role#it didnt register to me that it was the sequel to the dahmer show. is what i am saying. and i never thought about it again#mommy made it sound like he might be coming back bc soap opera characters fake-die all the time#and so i put the thought out of my head until completely independently i was watching a video about monsters: menendez being flawed#and i was like. going absolutely insane w how familiar he looked i was like 'ok i know that man cant be too famous but i KNOW him'#'i know him from something and i know him WELL from something. like whatever hes from is iconic to me'#and then the video creator said his name and i was like THATS INSANE WHERE DO I KNOW THAT NAME??!?!??#it's a name i read in the credits but probably never thought in my head at all bc sorry he's just spencer to me#so i googled it and i was gobsmacked. i was like MOM DIDNT SAY he was gonna be in THIS SHIT!?!?!?#i also do lay my life down on the defense that the cinematography of a prestige netflix drama makes him less recognizable to me#who knew him best under cheap soap opera lighting in basic back and forth dialogue shots. like#i have to be honest i never cared for his looks on gh bc he just kinda looked like too perfect. like he looked like a mannequin#i see it now though i get it#i get why he's very fan editable to the true crime girlies i get it#not that it matters. im just in mourning bc it never occurred to me the spencer era was over. i actually liked his character#i cant tell u why bc he wasnt all that distinguishable from all the other basic dramatic character archetypes. idk it was a good performanc#i cant explain to u what makes a soap opera character distinct while still being completely generic (they all are)#i also liked his relationship w his girlfriend in the show it was cute. he was evil but they were sweet#nicky please come back. im begging u. as your only general hospital era fan who is your age#i dont wanna watch monsters menendez i reeeeeally dont
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Thinking about current continuity Vanessa and just getting pissed off again
Like one, LET HER REST oh my god dc you ruin her FUCKING life like an asshole only to bring her back as a villain after she finally got out oh my god-
But also like its just so bad. This is a whole other woman with her name like why are we doing this. Like first you kill her mom (JULIA NOOO) and erase her YEARS of history growing up around diana (the thing that actually made her villain turn [if you can call it that w the level of manipulation involved] interesting and fucking heartbreaking) for some shitty "oh I saved you we were friends" run of the mill whatever. Then to use that and say Nessie had a crush on her OWN SISTER (Diana, so like informally adopted, but still 😡) now????
And then they took away her curls and made her a redhead but not even the realistic kind. DC SHE DOESNT LOOK LIKE THAT
It just makes me so mad. Freaking guys. They could have used another name like oh my god. She's not even the first silver swan why the fuck would they do that if they're not going to explore her history w diana (which she no longer has!!!!) or how intensely fucked up everything got for her. What is even the fucking point of this then other to drag a main character of the ww supporting cast through the mud again for genuinely no reason. They could have easily had her be Valerie Beaudry (sorry Val) instead or just MADE UP ANOTHER NAME because it's obvious that no one actually cared about her as a character they just wanted the wondy villain back so like !!!!!!!!!! Why even bother
#her entire treatment just makes me so angry#like in general it makes me mad and sad and a million other emotions#but the fucking robinson version just makes me enraged. beyond pissed off. because theres no fucking reason for it its bullshit and its the#one in current continuity right now. so i get to see tom king ww panels put on my dash that have this stupid fake vanessa and its so#infuriating. like thats NOT her!!!!!!! oh my freaking god people#her hair is BROWN and CURLY and shes dianas BABY SISTER who she lived with for YEARS like she was a MAJOR supporting ww character for the#longest time. like shes got about 100 appearances (just checked) preboot this is not a minor character#so freaking frustrating#blah#ALSO. FUCKING ALSO. THE FACT THAT THE WHOLE CURRENT VANESSA TURNED EVIL BC SHE REALIZED SHE WASNT SPECIAL TO DIANA BS. FUCK YOU THERE LIKE#OH MY GODDDDD “isnt special to diana” im going to fucking kill you. what do you mean she doesnt care about her specially. thats her FUCKING#BABY SISTER. not to sound like vanessa herself a la silver swan but those clowns at dc would never say that shit about cassie oh my god#not special my FUCKING ass. nessie and her mom were literally the first people invited to themyscira in post coie continuity#like yes diana trevor and steve trevor and even baby julia kapetelis washing ashore but like the kapetelises (and you could even say just#nessie bc again her mom had been there before) were the FIRST ones invited there like you cannot say diana didnt care about them more than#the average joe dc i fucking despise you.#this girl has been through so much why is dc incapable of throwing her a bone ever. nessie i am so sorry they did that to you sweetie.#gonna tag it bc her tag deserves the traffic#vanessa kapatelis#just makes me so mad#doing all that to the normal teen girl character in a wonder woman comic is so fucked actually like dc comics i should not have to explain#that to you. what message do you think you are sending here be serious
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😶🌫️
#have yall forgotten how to use tumblr or.#i hate hate HATE complaining but out of 500 notes there are three reblogs with tags like am i going crazy why does nobody say anything#did yall hate the fic or what. bc thats the vibe im getting#im not gonna leave tumblr but i really see why ppl do bc its so disheartening#genuinely i am talking to a brick wall#it really makes me want to not put in the effort to write anymore if no one is gonna say anything to my face#sorry for the vent post but im just frustrated#idk if its my fault or tumblrs fault or no ones fault but#like idk what else to do other than beg ppl to interact. and its not just readers i am fully shaming other authors bc you KNOW how bad it is#and you still refuse to read your friends work#how can you call urself mutuals if you never fucking reblog from each other#its so fake and toxic and im sick of it sorry#im not here to cause drama and i know i sound like a whiny bitch but jesus christ you guys
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literally the catch 22 of making urself less to keep people around you directly leading to people leaving u bc you’re not opening up to them 🧍♀️
#like !!! I’m trying to be what YOU want!!! I’m sorry you didn’t want me like that and now you’re mad I’m fake ?!!!??!!#I’m trying so hard but I don’t think I have an authentic self to live confidently as#bc everyone says the only way to rly be happy is let go of expectations and be your real self and find your real people#but I don’t think I have a self tbh#I think I’m a collection of experiences and expectations and I don’t know how to return to the origin point#oh well I guess!!!!! lost cause!#‘you can’t give up everything for someone and call that love’ WELL WHAT IF ITS THE ONLY WAY I KNOW HOW TO LOVE ?!#yeah I’ll never have real love bc I only expect to love and not be loved#but let’s be entirely real. you can’t love a mirrorball ! a set of masks ! a changing thing !#and yeah I know it’s my fault I’m like that but it’s fucking impossible to stop#how can I take chances and live authentically like ??? what the fuck that goes against my like. core being.#idk I’m making it sound stupid but UGH#and then I just become upset later that they don’t love me the same. maybe it’s bc they don’t know me. like sure. they never asked.#but I never told.#i talk sometimes
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I was having such a hard time with art lately and I couldn't figure out why until I realized that I was only drawing what I thought other people would enjoy, and I wasn't spending enough time drawing what I enjoy. I hadn't been making anything for myself lately.
There's something very necessary about taking time to create something that only you or your friends will see. Making art for you.
#simon says#maybe the dopamine I craved was in the special interests i neglected along the way#anyways sorry if this sounds fake deep im legit talking about how I felt so tired of art today until I drew an oc I loved#and then it kinda hit me that i haven't been making anything for myself lately and I just spent 5 hours making a dnd campaign. and it ruled#anyways 10/10 recommend it
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Since Mae's gonna say it a lot, y'all who haven't seen Reefer Madness need to hear the way she says "Just fell, that's all!"
@emprean @legbite @crisisbabe @nothingtrivial @trailnapped @themeekwillinherit @vihilum
Edit: not sure why only some of the tags are working but anyway
#notice how mae's breathing really raggedly but stops immediately when jimmy asks if she's alright#and yes i slowed down some parts of the second clip#'cause mae moves in double speed but if you watch closely you can see her thinking about how to respond#before faking a smile#ana gasteyer's acting got me like 😂🥹🥲😭#i like to think sally's thought process in the first clip goes from#“i gotchu mae; let me grab you a reefer stick so you can be numb”#to#“i gotchu mae; i can return to the original plan of getting jimmy hooked”#“which will simultaneously distract him from you; stop him from asking further questions; AND you can be numb”#“AND you can let out your emotions via railing me”#that bit from do the voice that's like#“do you fake your org@sms or is that just what you sound like getting plowed? *mimics*”#“oh my god; fuck off; did you not see what just happened?!” “sorry; i was trying to make you laugh.”#it very sally and mae#see you in the funny papers (visage)#pull it together; don't flip your skirt (mannerisms)#how come i haven't heard your baby crying tonight? (rel: sally)#he throws me down the stairs but deep inside he cares (rel: jack)#an innocent boy is about to be executed (rel: jimmy)#you better cool off on the muggles there (rel: ralph)
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want make thing for friends but brain not working!!!!!! Rox do have idea though, for game time, been on mind while
#rox sorry for talking like this. i have hard time speak sometime#i get very stress and lose ability to form proper sentences#can be inconsistent which makes me sorry people think faking it#also make me sound 'childish' so try to hide it from people unlrss trust them#delete later
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Hi! This may be a bit of a rant but there is something I really wanna share with someone so I hope you don't mind.
I have a friend who I knew 'cause we were in the same club at uni. He's very eloquent and smart, so I really respect him (but mostly from afar 'cause I was shy lol). And then I saw him post about ST season 4, and about Will in particular so I mustered up my courage and messaged him "hey have u seen the parallels between Will and Vecna?". And we started talking about other ST-related stuff. We even ranted a lot about vol 2 after watching that lol. We also talked about books and TV shows and overall, I was glad ST helped me make more friends.
When the free Palestine movement became popular last year, I was not surprised when I saw him post about Gaza or Rafah 'cause well... he's just like a typical queer, chronically online, twitter user lol (both complimentary and derogatory, sometimes I find his humor funny, sometimes I just wanna roll my eyes). We have never talked about this topic and honestly I really don't feel like. I just simply carry on sharing posts and stories about discrimination against Jewish and Israeli people and anti-Hamas stuff.
And then recently I saw him posting overtly anti-Israel things, like "u think this is hot now, wait til you go to hell for supporting Israel". Not gonna lie, I chuckled when I saw that 'cause first of all, I am an atheist so whatever man I don't believe in hell anyway. Second, I don't know what other non-Jewish people who support Israel (as in 'its existence is legitimate and the people there deserve peace', not the government itself) may feel about hell, but as far as I'm concerned, Jewish people don't seem to put that much weight on the concept of hell and heaven, right?. So like "bro you should have choose something else more menacing than that lol"
Now I can scroll through that post but what irks me the most is what he chose to share today.
https://x.com/redstreamnet/status/1841561550378651724
I find it so freaking ironic how after everything that has happened in Iran recently (and how many Iranians have spoken out against the Islamic republic), this is the first Iran-related thing he posted about. Like I'm so close to just forward to him a video of Iranians celebrating the death of Nasrallah or comments/posts of Iranians thanking Israel for it, or overall just people between these two countries wishing each other peace and freedom. I'm not sure if I can call what I'm feeling "anger" 'cause it's not exactly strong as when I see people deny October 7. But there is surely a sense of resignation.
I don't see those pro-pal people as bad or evil. I actually believe that most of them have good intentions, but to me, they are too caught up in their self-righteousness and black-and-white views to acknowledge the grey area of this whole mess.
I saw you own up to your own hypocrisy a few days ago and ngl I admire you for that lol. I only think of humans as "paradoxical by nature" so a person saying conflicting stuff is normal to me. But it's annoying as hell when someone doesn't think they are capable of hypocrisy or double standards.
Anyways, have a great day. Thank you for reading all this. Sorry it's kinda long. Being concise is not my strong suit lol.
hey anon, let’s hug. if you want?
i rly don’t have much to offer bc my brain is currently mush, you probably just wanted to vent and that’s ok. i just didn’t want to leave you on read. 💚
look, i’m using jquinn even though he annoys me atm but i just couldn’t resist, lmao. like yeah, #me.
#beth answers#i hear you and everything#also your friend. ask yourself if you’re happy with him. whatever that means. it sounds like you’re willing to agree to disagree but#he may not?? like some people just can’t compromise on some issues and that’s ok. but tbh the whole geopolitics in the middle east is#complex and has a very long history. it’s not as clear cut as saying israel is a product of western imperalism or white supremacy#nor is every arab country having similar values/democracies. even islamic terror orgs don’t always align#like consider the situation with that woman who was kidnapped by the isis and she was being held in gaza even though isis and hamas aren’t#exactly allies. and people suggest gaza is some sort of criminal outpost in the middle east#which could be true to an extent but it’s important to recognise it’s not fair on the civilians. even if they share hamas’ values bc of#their upbringing. but we gotta be careful bc we can’t steer towards racism of low expectations bc arabs are very capable and intelligent#like it’s obvious to me hamas are seen as noble savages but referred to as freedom fighters. i just think it’s important to be balanced#people can say israel is a safe haven for paedos and sex offenders which is bullshit and based in antisemitism (thanks jeffery epistein)#in every community there are bad people and they shouldn’t be held as the standard. which should be applied to ~bad orgs/states too#it’s just not easy! even geopolitics experts struggle. otherwise we’d have world peace but lmao#hey looks like i managed to say something after all#umm tldr you know your friend but you know yourself too and it’s important to have boundaries#but not to let something get in the way especially if it doesn’t concern either of you personally in the grand scheme of things#if that makes sense. like i’m not gonna ditch a friend if they think the moon landing is fake#unless they make it their whole personality and it gets in the way of our relationship#so you know. go with your gut. look at the big picture but details are important too#which i recognise is a privileged position to have and possibly ignorant#but i have to consider myself and the people i love. then my community and the place i live. then the country#then everything else. even though i want to help with things out of my control but i also feel like i shouldn’t have to feel like this?#like i’m not someone who signed up for this. ppl who have should be able to do so to the best of their abilities. i’m just not that person#ok i’ll shut now lmao mwah#sorry this is late btw
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the worst part is like . I know it sounds like ocd and i know a lot of ppl with ocd and i watch them talk abt their experiences and i relate a ton but then my brains like How dare you relate to them and try to compare. youre just an evil person and youre trying to pretend you have ocd . and its actually different and the fact you even thought for a second "oh thats similar to what i experience" means that you will be a bad person forever and you cant fix it and you need to go to hell. and you dont have ocd youre just actually an evil person. so i cant actually let myself think abt it being ocd basically
#And like you know . i dont actually know what it is and i cant like. Decide i do bc i relate a lot to ppl who do have it . its just even if#i dont say I think i have ocd bc i relate to this. i cant even think Oh i relate to this without feeling like an awful person. you know .#does this make sense to anybody at all. its very very exhausting#also this is phrasing it like being ocd is the same thing as being evil Obviously it isnt i just mean like ik a lot pf ppl with ocd#experience similar like. worrying theyre an evil person and i also do that but my brain says that i actually Am an evil person as opposed t#just. worrying that i am. and that i only worry abt it bc its true. ok .#idk i worry i sound whiny as hell in these posts im sorry 😭 its just rly kicking my ass tonight the terrors#but its like. no matter what i do im evil bc if i think to myself Oh i relate a bit to this person with ocd my brain says Oh youre awful fo#trying to pretend to have ocd you couldnt possible understand your evil. and if i say youre right then its Oh so why is having ocd such a#bad thing do you hate ppl with ocd you couldnt possible have ocd bc you think youre better than them youre awful but if i say I think youre#being a bit dramatic its like oh so what you think you can just claim to have whatever mental health issue you want. you think you can just#fake mental illnesses and use them as an excuse for why youre so horrible youre going to hell youre going to hell youre going to hell and#then it just loops eternally and i cant get it to stop unless i do little things to make it stop like hitting my head or scratching or#pacing in tempo or tapping rhythms . Which yes i know sounds like ocd . you do not have to tell me . but i cant think abt how it sounds#similar to ocd bc then its starting again.#and even the like. posting abt it is hard bc my brains like seeee youre just making it up for attention why do you haaave to talk abt it#where ppl can see. its so you can convince other ppl and trick them into thinking you have ocd . but its just that i always post whatever#i think abt on here this thing is my diary and also if i dont let people know what im thinking all the time it means im hiding things and i#evil . so . this is how it is
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Fuck, only imagining kissing you still makes my heart jump a bit🤡
#delete later#clown#mine#feelings#her#i keep imagining you w sb else to prepare myself from the inevitable days but all im doing is borrowing grief from tmr which isnt#really helpful and i instead should be happy for n with her annieway#she deserves the world and be treated best#what a cliché thing to say but i get that it can still be true because why is it that things that r too sweet r deemed fake#im just quite sappy and i dont really say things i dont mean#ik i will love you for as long as i live even if it eventually transforms into a different kinda love#it will persist in a different form bc that just seems to be the kinda person i am or how love is for me#id keep caring and id keep wanting the best for you#parts of each person i came to love remain as parts of me annieway#i can never truly lose them nor can they#omfg lol crying while having covid just makes me feel like im choking or drowning tf my nose holes r completely blocked whats this lmao#kinda funny feeling tbh#sorry for being the odd one out of the two of us im already trying to make sure that nearly all i do is solely out of platonic feelings#so our friendship isnt “tainted” or driven by my inferior intentions or whatever but can stand on its own#which is as important to me as ppl not abandoning friends for a romantic relationship#or that ppl i come to fancy or could fancy value me enough as a friend first#im rambling#how long till it isnt this kinda love anymore#how long till i can be happy with and for her when she finds sb is everything she wants or needs and who treats her the way she deserves#sounds patronising of me tbh#idealising even#also have to keep reminding myself: this is just any other flirting with friends nothing to it any other flirting w friends with no intent#cuz i do value her as a friend as well#am i playing myself
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man im so nervous over expressing things correctly or whatever i wish i could have the confidence of 12 year old me again who would just go on english language forums and blast everyone with their beginner english shamelessly
#tütensuppe#like you know you sometimes i see people go 'sorry for my bad english' NOT 12 YEAR OLD ME#i had things to say and by fuck would i say them#elementary school english class did NOT vibe with me and i refused to say anything ever#(bc the teacher insisted on making us use english sounding names for some reason)#(i already have one of those but got a fake name anyway to make it 'fair')#then in 5th and 6th grade i had an english teacher who i ADORED and who was very attentive to get me out of my shell#so i discovered i was good at this actually. and made it everyone elses problem
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