#this isn't to try to make things about me this is a segue into “I will kill for these fuckers”

[stop-stealing-my-username]

I think there's something especially sinister about the idea that asexuals "withholding sex" is abusive, because it's such a twisted and warped portrayal of what withholding intimacy actually looks like, and skewing what abusive behaviour looks like is super dangerous for everyone.

Asexuals often have to have an even more thorough conversation on boundaries and limits than allosexuals (someone please correct me if that term is wrong it's been a while). They have to state outright "I have no interest/a very limited interest in sex" when they enter a relationship because sex is an expected part of a romantic monogamous relationship for most people. When you have that conversation, the partner knows what they are signing up for.

Stating outright "I don't want to have sex", "I may never want to have sex", "I don't want to be touched", or "I never want to have sex ever" is boundary setting, it is not withholding intimacy.

Withholding intimacy is a real abusive tactic, but it doesn't only apply to sex; it applies to hugs, kissing, hand holding, cuddling, dates, eating together, sharing a bed, etc. Withholding intimacy doesn't involve setting boundaries, it's never "I don't want to do this because I'm uncomfortable with it or simply don't want to", the intent is "you did something that I think you need to be punished for, therefore I will withhold any and all intimacy that I know you crave until you start acting the way that I want".

Withholding intimacy is about *punishing and controlling the victim*

An asexual who doesn't WANT to have sex isn't "withholding" sex any more than a straight woman who says "not tonight honey" to her husband, and suggesting that ANYONE "tough it out" is suggesting that they flatten their own boundaries for someone else and endure actual abuse; y'all who say this shit are no better than the Christians who say shit like it being a woman's duty to please her husband regardless of what she wants.

Additionally, if you enter a relationship with an asexual who has explicitly stated their boundaries and you try to ignore them, *you are the abuser here*

I'm putting "abusive" and "withholding intimacy" up on the top shelf til we learn what they mean

***Quick edit (feb 1st) because I had an afterthought that's kinda important; withholding intimacy isn't only in regards to physical intimacy (I'd wager that it's not what most people experience when their partner is withholding intimacy even though it's the first thing that comes to mind), emotional intimacy can be withheld too.

Giving someone the "cold shoulder" (ignoring when they speak, refusing to acknowledge them being in the room, etc) after an argument, for example is withholding intimacy; the intent is to punish and isolate the victim, to tell them "you don't matter, you don't deserve to be loved", and it's very blatent.

While intimacy can be weaponized, it's important to make the distinction between that and not wanting to engage in intimacy, because they are not the same fucking thing; insisting that they are blurs what is actually abusive (dangerous for everyone), and paints the false narrative of asexual people being inherently abusive for *checks notes* communicating that they don't want to have sex. As with all aphobia, the argument falls apart when you think about it for more than five seconds.

Also this goes without saying but you are never fucking owed sex from someone and this bullshit aounds like incel rhetoric.

Sorry if I rambled to the point of derailing but this is something that I have a lot of thoughts on and really fucking bothers me because it's being directed at people who are literally doing nothing wrong and if anything are far more likely to face abuse (re: "tough it out") than to be the abuser.

Anyway that's my TEDtalk

ngl I'm gonna need this site to stop right the fuck now with whatever rising aphobia has decided to suddenly skyrocket in the last month of 2023

[illusioncanthurtme--art]

This may be a silly question… but I’m an artist trying to learn backgrounds. I’ve studied perspective until my hands fell off, but I don’t know how to choose an angle or not make things look wonky. I’ve tried asking a lot of artists, but I’m hoping to hear more than “just draw backgrounds”, because I have been, but I’m not improving.

Do you have any tips on how to practice?

The anonymous ask is much more recent but it reminded me of another ask from @cerealssoggies i forgot to answer thats, OOF... gotten old. Sorry about that. I'll answer your ask more directly at the end of this.

I'll talk about the perspective ask first. Anon... I'll answer your question as best as I can!

I think what makes perspective tricky is the beginning, when you're using perspective lines and grids and such to map out the picture. Because the actual technique of 2 point perspective isn't hard or complicated, it's getting the scene to look the way it does in your head thats tricky. I'm talking about the metaphorical "camera" location, angle, and... idk, focal length? If I'm using that phrase correctly.

So you can draw something like a simple square bedroom, and by the time you're done placing your horizon line, vanishing point, and perspective lines, and actually start drawing, you realize it doesn't look like how it does in your head. And from there, it's hard or nearly impossible to move things around to look like your vision, so you'll be tweaking each thing individually: uhh, let's move the horizon line down, the left vanishing point further? The right one closer? Both further? Huh??? And it's frustrating.

I've found, if you're drawing an environment from your imagination, the best way to start is to draw an teeeeny tiny thumbnail sketch. The smaller the better. Not just environments, but any drawing idea is easier to map out when it's smaller. Your brain can latch onto the visual as a whole when it's all tiny on a piece of paper.

Drawing my current blog header, the one of ford's research tent, I had a similar pickle. I knew exactly where I wanted the camera to be, in the corner of the tent, and I knew I wanted the camera to be more wide, so you could see most of his tent while keeping the feeling that it's small. I started digitally with perspective lines and quickly got frustrated. SO - I took to my sketchbook and thought reeeeeally hard about what it looked like in my head, and tried mapping it out in a tiny tiny thumbnail. Here's what that looked like:

This was closer to what I wanted than what I first had on my computer. I knew from there that I wanted the furniture items to be closer together and the camera higher (you can see my scribble writing saying this), so I scanned my thumbnail, and drew on top of it to get closer to the vision. Then, from there, I was able to add a proper perspective grid based on what I had already drawn.

THEN you can finally get down to the fun part - actually populating your room with furniture and details. I put this sketch on paper and did most of the real drawing traditionally:

In summary: instead of jumping straight into perspective theory, thumbnail the idea as rough as you can. Then base the angles of the perspective lines on your thumbnail.

But.... even still, I don't have the strongest ability to picture things mentally, and not everyone is gonna be able to do that (although it is a good muscle to exercise.) Sort of a segue into the second ask - those backgrounds of dibs car? I straight up traced over pictures I took of my car. I'm not the biggest advocate for tracing, it does kind of feel like cheating, BUT for the purposes of this animation? There's no point in getting on a high horse. I needed to draw his car like 10 times and there was no reason to torture myself. I did photoshop some of the photos before I drew over them because the focal length made the car look bigger than I wanted it to? And a lot of it was guessing what the car looked like behind the front seats, etc.

But this does remind me of an exercise I did in school for an illustration mentorship class. The mentor for one unit was a set designer working for Netflix. She was given photos of a room that a scene would be shot in, and she drew the set on top of it: like furniture, decorations, etc. So my assignment was to choose a stock photo, and do some world building concept art based on the photo. From the photo, you can figure out the perspective by identifying lines/angles that theoretically lead to a vanishing point. You need at least two lines, and you extend them really far and see where they cross. Where they meet is a vanishing point. Find two vanishing points and they are level with the horizon line. Then use the perspective dots you just found to draw furniture, items, and you can even get creative and change the shape/height/size of the rooms/buildings/etc, while still using the same perspective.

If an image from the internet feels too much like cheating (it SHOULDN'T, you'll only learn from it and your drawing won't look anything like the image by the time you're done), you can always take your own photos. This technique is honestly what made me enjoy drawing backgrounds in the first place. It made it fun! And drawing should be fun.

I still do this sort of thing today. Here's the reference picture I had my sister take of me for my Fairy godmother illustration. (This is from a couple years ago.) I drew on top of it in photoshop to get my best guess as to the lines and angles. I didn't trace this one, but I did use it very heavily for reference!

So I guess... to summarize both techniques, don't jump right into perspective. Best way to start, that's fun and not wildly frustrating, is to use a photo. If your vision is hyper specific, start from a tiny thumbnail and work your way up. Then the fun part!! Populating the scene with furniture and items and fun little details.

To answer @cerealssoggies question more directly: omg, thank you?? :O💞 I'm always so wowed when people talk about my prints and where they put them. I'm really glad you like the fairy godmother one! My mom also has one hung up in her room lol!

My advice on the design front isn't as specific, because that always felt like the easy part. Once you have the room or whatever mapped out, it's just about drawing all the Stuff. Which for me usually means getting in the head of the character and asking myself what sort of things they'd have around themselves and their environment. And obviously if the setting isn't a characters room/personal environment like the previous three examples, then you'd just have to think about what the environments purpose is, and what sort of stuff would be there. When I'm thinking about a background before I draw it, I'll ask myself what items or features it will have. For the ford tent, I made a list of all the stuff I thought he might have in there (I googled winter camping trip packing lists, as well as science-y tools and gadgets). For dibs car, I asked people on tumblr for suggestions as to what I should put in there.

And look up references! Reference is always a good thing.

In real life, I'm a maximalist and a clutterbug. This bleeds into my drawings - I like it when an environment feels full and lived in.

Here's my bedroom lol.

WELL typing and compiling this took up a greater portion of my Friday but I really hope this was helpful to you and others!!

[ccarlislecc]

Will you be doing more the Club series? I miss it so much, I can’t wait for more it’s so hot.

♡ club ♡ ♡ businessman ♡ nanami isn't exactly what you expected out of your third client. . .but that doesn't mean you're complaining author's note: hey anon, this is crazy bc I was literally just thinkin the other day how I completely abandoned this series. . .anyways mdni please!! enjoy <3

the time for being nervous had long since passed. any reservations you had about sleeping with the world’s strongest sorcerers had been shoved down deep inside; there wasn’t any time for that. between dancing at the club as usual & your nights spent with scheduled clients, there was hardly any time to spend with your thoughts, & maybe that was a good thing. there was time, however, to tear shiu a new asshole. 

“listen, they’ve already paid, doll. ain’t anything I can do about it now. besides, you’re always telling me I don’t pay you enough. I’m paying you plenty, now, aren’t I?”

“oh please, your cheap ass still isn’t paying me enough. they’re paying me,” you murmur, & he’s rolls his eyes. 

“you’re gettin’ paid, yeah? that’s all that matters. now was there something you needed, or do you just like to waste my time?”

“both,” you sneer, leaning over his desk, palms flat against the cheap mahogany. cheap, that was a good word to describe him. “who’s my sunday appointment?” 

his smile makes you violent. “can’t tell you that. just that he’s paid a shit ton for your appointment.”

“so when he murders me, you gonna sprinkle that cash over my grave?”

“he’s not gonna murder you, drama queen. I checked him out, he’s clean as can be.”

you left his office with more questions than answers. shiu knew who it was, but he wouldn’t tell you. 4 whole hours to a random stranger. you couldn’t dwell on it too long, you had a schedule to keep, & apparently so did your client. 10:15pm sharp.

this was gonna be easy-peasy, you thought, pulling the door open to the club. tonight worried you the least out of any of your appointments. a blowjob was the most mundane thing a man could’ve asked you for. 

you were sitting on the edge of the bed, cool & smooth, when the door swung open at 10:14pm.

& holy shit, kento nanami was probably the most attractive man you’d ever seen. you were ready for him to grab you by the scalp & force his cock down your throat. in fact, you weren’t just ready for it, you wanted it. giving this fine piece a blowjob was going to be your pleasure. 

“hello.”

you bit back a laugh. “hi.” you surveyed him further, attempting to look past the face & muscles—as hard as it was—suit & tie, silver rolex, thinly-framed glasses. everything about him was arousing, you were having a hard time containing yourself. 

“so, it said ‘oral sex’ on your file,” you say matter-of-factly. there was no easy way to segue into these kinds of situations, but nanami seemed like a matter-of-fact kind of guy. & you liked that. 

"that's correct," nanami replied, his voice deep & smooth. he loosened his tie slightly as he approached you, his gaze intense behind those thin frames. "but I'd like to clarify something first."

“oh?” 

he pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose, & god, even that was hot. "I know that I…paid for your…services,” he clears his throat. & you can see it in his eyes, though they’re averted from yours. he’s embarrassed. good. “but I’m not interested in doing anything that you’re not explicitly comfortable with. so if, at any point, you’re not—comfortable, that is—then we’ll stop. is that clear?” 

you nod, thoughts too jumbled to say anything. but he doesn’t like that. maybe he doesn’t argue, but you can tell, he wants your verbal consent. “yes, nanami. it’s clear,” you try to tease, to be flirty, to be anything but disturbed by how hot this guy was. the pictures don’t do him justice. 

“good.” 

he eyes you like a predator as you stand up from your seated position & take a couple steps toward him. you subtly gesture for him to sit, but he gives you a confused look. “wouldn’t you rather lie down?” 

you snort. “lie down to suck your dick?” you give him the same confused, questioning gaze. "I guess if that’s how you want it.” 

a soft smile touches his lips. “pardon me, but I think you read my request wrong,” he says. “or at least, misinterpreted what I meant. I don’t play on letting you…” he doesn’t even think he can say it, but finally he spits out: “suck my dick,” in a hushed, humiliated tone. “by oral sex, I meant, giving.” 

“oh.” 

“yes, oh.” 

you retreat back to where you were sitting, the backs of your knees bumping against the bed. yes, per your request, shiu had finally moved you to a room with a bed. he follows your movements, both with his eyes & body. 

you were. . .what was this feeling? nervous? excited? no, confused. this man was paying to eat you out. it would be physically impossible for him to be more attractive. but. . .why? why couldn’t he get a girlfriend to do this with? you can’t imagine what straight woman wouldn’t want that.

“may I kiss you?” he accepts your nod this time, & leans down to press his lips against yours. he was so big & tall. he commanded your space, forced his way into it until all you could comprehend was the presence of him. his lips on yours, his teeth tugging on your bottom lip, his hands finding their grip on your waist. you let him push you both back, until you're flush with the bed, head softly rested on the pillows, his knee on the cheap comforter in between your thighs. 

your breath catches in your throat as nanami hovers over you, his eyes dark with desire. he pulls back slightly, his fingers tracing the curve of your jaw. "Is this alright?" he asks, his voice low & husky.

you nod eagerly, then remember his preference for verbal consent. "yes," you breathe. "more than alright."

a small smile tugs at the corner of his mouth as he leans in again, this time trailing kisses along your neck. his hands move to push up your shirt, his touch leaving goosebumps in its wake. you arch into him, desperate for more contact.

nanami takes his time, methodically undressing you between kisses & caresses. his touch is reverent, almost worshipful, as he explores every inch of newly exposed skin. his gaze roams over your body, appreciation evident in his eyes. "beautiful," he murmurs, & a small wire snaps in your stomach. this was not a regular session; you didn’t have this kind of sex with…anyone, really, but especially not club patrons. in fact, you can’t remember a time in which a customer went down on you, ever. & more concerning was: you wanted him to, despite how…personal it was. 

 you squirm beneath him, desperate for more. "patience," he murmurs against your collarbone, & you’re sure the deep bass of his voice vibrates straight to your cunt. he trails his lips down your neck, between your breasts, & he seems fixated there for a while, mouth wrapped around the soft skin, sucking the nipple, his other palming your breast, & you let out a breathless whine. he slides his fingers down to your underwear, pressing the pads of them firmly against the soft fabric covering your clit. he rubs soft & slow, & you’re so deeply concerned by how good it feels. needless to say, this is not what you were expecting. finally, he allows himself to bring his lips down to your panties, licking the already wet spot covering the front of them. he hooks his fingers through the material around your hips, slowly pulling them down. 

your breath catches as the cool air hits your exposed skin. he lets out a low groan at the sight of you, vulnerable & wanting. his warm breath ghosts over your inner thighs as he moves closer, planting soft kisses along sensitive skin. you shiver in anticipation, hands fisting in the sheets.

he teases you mercilessly, lips & tongue exploring everywhere but where you need him most. just when you think you can't take it anymore, he finally, finally drags his tongue along your slick folds. you cry out, hips bucking involuntarily. he holds you steady with strong hands on your thighs as he works you over with his mouth, alternating between broad strokes & focused attention on your clit. his strong hands grip your thighs, holding you open for him. the pleasure builds steadily as he works you with his tongue, fucking it in & out of you, nose bumping against your clit. & when he decides that’s just not quite enough, he presses one finger softly in & out of your dripping hole. never pushing it all the way in ‘cause he doesn’t want to hurt you. 

your body tenses as the sensation builds to an almost unbearable intensity. with a muffled cry, you tumble over the edge into blissful release. waves of pleasure crash over you as your muscles clench rhythmically around his fingers. he doesn't let up, working you through each aftershock until you're gasping & oversensitive.

only then does he slowly withdraw his fingers & place a gentle kiss on your inner thigh. you lie there panting, feeling boneless & sated.

but he’s not done, you realize, hiking your thighs over his shoulders, burying his face into your cunt again. you’ve barely had time to recover & he’s starting his ministrations again, this time harder & faster, & you writhe in his grip, mewling & whimpering about it’s “t-too much, can’t-can’t take it.” 

your brain goes soft & fuzzy when he says, “you can take it, m’gonna give it to you.” you’re sure no one has ever taken more pleasure out of giving oral sex than nanami is right now. 

his tongue swirls relentlessly, finding every sensitive spot as if he's memorized your body. you arch your back, fingers tangling in his hair as waves of sensation crash over you. it's overwhelming, almost painful in its intensity, but you can't bring yourself to push him away.

"that's it," he murmurs against your flesh, the vibrations making you shudder. 

you're trembling, teetering on the edge of overstimulation. but nanami is relentless, his strong hands gripping your thighs to keep you spread open for him. you're making sounds you've never heard yourself make before—desperate, needy whimpers punctuated by breathless gasps.

just when you think you can't take anymore, he sucks hard on your clit & you shatter. your second orgasm hits you like a tidal wave, & you’re seeing spots, tugging painfully on his hair, nails raking against his spiky undercut, & he’s moaning into your cunt. if you were anywhere near coherency right now, you’d notice him pathetically humping against the mattress, mindlessly, too focused on your pretty pussy to actually get off. 

“nanami,” you whine. he looks up at you with hooded eyes, covered by his lashes. 

“did you want to stop?” 

"I-i–no, I just—you don’t have to do that anymore, not if you don’t want to.” it’s hard to say anything, to think after having his mouth on you, his tongue in you. but you do your best, try to sit up on your elbows .”we can do s-someth—”

"I'd like to continue doing this.” it’s so direct, so stern, but pleading also. "If you’re alright with that.” 

you can’t help but nod along, brain soft, thoughts gone. "y-yes," you manage to stammer out, your voice barely above a whisper. "please."

nanami's eyes flash with something intense, a mix of desire & determination. without another word, he lowers his head again, his warm breath ghosting over your sensitive skin. you shiver in anticipation, your body already yearning for his touch.

his tongue resumes its exploration, slow & deliberate at first, then growing more insistent. you fall back onto the bed, unable to support yourself any longer. your fingers tangle in his hair, not guiding, just needing something to hold onto as waves of pleasure wash over you. 

you can’t fathom what this could possibly be doing for him, but it’s obvious that he’s enjoying this in some perverse way; not that you were complaining. you lost track of how many times you came on his tongue, but a soft alarm went off in your soft, pliant head after a while. it had been a lot longer than an hour & a half. but with how good he made you feel, you didn’t think charging him was fair. 

regardless of how you felt, the next day, there was far more money than shiu had charged him & a bouquet of roses on your makeup table. all the girls ooh’ed & ahh’ed at it when you walked in. everyone wanted to see, but you kept the little note to yourself. it was thick cardstock paper that somehow smelt like his cologne. 

"I know roses are cliche, but I didn’t know what you liked. after last night, I'd love to know what else you like.”

♡ fin ♡

thank you for reading! comments, likes, & reblogs are so, so appreciated, but I love you non-interacting people, too ♡ here's my masterlist! mwah 🩷 xoxo, carlisle

[monstermoviedean]

the rupture is both their faults, actually, and i'm going to yell about it now

here's the thing. the breakup scene in 15x03 once again starts on cas' terms, same as the argument in 15x02. dean has just gotten done wrapping up the ghost business by checking in with stevie, then he checks in with sam and tries to console him about losing rowena. then he goes to pour himself a drink, and that's when cas shows up and starts the conversation. i can't gauge his intention here, but his actions back dean into a corner. even if dean doesn't want to have this conversation for very good reasons, cas is going to make it happen.

consider that dean doesn't know what went down in the crypt. he has absolutely no clue what happened between cas and belphegor. cas has given him almost no detail about what happened. here's what dean knows at the start of this: cas killed belphegor, and the crook was destroyed. that's it. cas reveals during this conversation that it's because belphegor was lying, using them, and planning to suck up all the souls, which is why "the plan changed."

coupla things here. one. someone lying to dean, using him, and then sucking up a bunch of souls to get power and become a new god? yeah, dean has seen that before. that is beat-for-beat what cas did in season 6. i don't think that's lost on dean. i think he's remembering right then and there how he stuck up for cas then, how he refused to believe cas could have betrayed them when everyone else had given up on cas already. and how he was wrong. not to mention what followed.

that brings us to chuck. i cannot overstate the importance of the chuck reveal as context here. dean is questioning literally everything about his life. that includes cas. chuck pulling the strings could mean chuck is pulling cas' strings too. dean is wrong about this - he's being very paranoid and it's not good for him or anyone. but it also makes sense in context because the context is horror after horror after horror.

and that brings us to mary (and jack, and ketch, and rowena). are any of these deaths cas' fault? nope! but dean can trace all these deaths back to cas breaking the trust between them by not talking about his concerns about jack. dean feels that cas has broken the trust between them, and even though it's unfair to blame cas for this whole situation, it's perfectly fair for dean to feel betrayed on some level.

snapping at cas in the moment is not kind and not fair. under (relatively) normal circumstances, dean would quickly and sincerely apologize. but right now he's at his breaking point. and i can see why he's sick of extending trust and getting burned.

now cas' response. "you used to trust me, give me the benefit of the doubt." it's true! but cas isn't recognizing that his actions affect this trust. cas is not automatically entitled to dean's trust. trust is earned, and it needs to be reciprocal. cas also needs to trust dean, and dean is wondering if cas does trust him if he didn't trust him enough to tell him about jack. we know cas trusts dean, but dean doesn't necessarily know that, especially when his faith in everything is at an all-time low. but in spite of that, cas is placing the burden here on dean, blaming dean for not granting cas his trust and the benefit of the doubt. i don't think that's especially fair either.

then he brings up his powers failing - it's an odd segue because they haven't really talked about this. this has not been made clear to dean or to the audience. then it's about dean not talking to him. can this be chalked up to lingering resentments from season 14? maybe? because if cas is talking about trying to talk to dean over and over in season 15, we only have two examples. 15x01, dean asks if cas is okay and when cas answers, dean ends the conversation. dean starts this conversation so it's not a great example of cas "trying to talk about it." and then 15x02, where cas corners dean and starts talking - just like this conversation in 15x03.

i'm not saying that if someone talks to dean when he doesn't want to have a talk, that all bets are off and dean can do whatever he wants. nope, not at all. but it's been a pattern for the last few seasons at least that dean avoids a conversation he's not able to handle -> someone else decides they need to have the conversation -> they force dean into it -> dean either walks away, beginning this cycle over, or he expresses upset, which makes him look like the bad guy.

"you don't want to hear it" may be fair. but "you don't care" is absolutely not fair. the problem is that dean cares too much and it's choking him. he's lost almost everyone. he is not able to bear it. he's retreating because he can't bear it, and then cas is accusing him of not caring at all at the first sign of dean not bending over backwards to care for cas. (as stated above, he is actively caring for sam, and everyone else he usually would care for is dead. so this is about cas)

finally, cas leaves when dean doesn't immediately apologize and talk to him and say he trusts and believes in him. cas turns and walks away. he has every right to do that, but he is an independent person with autonomy and he is making this choice. dean contributed to cas making this choice, but he's not solely responsible for it.

let's say their relationship is a bridge over a chasm. this is not a case of dean burning the bridge, though you can read it that way if you want to believe dean is at fault for everything. this is dean and cas retreating to their own sides of the chasm rather than meeting on the bridge. dean is very often the one to walk out on that bridge. this is one of the only times he doesn't, and cas takes that as a personal betrayal. but cas isn't walking out onto the bridge either.

[cecilscribbles]

From Now, Until the End of Time: An Essay and Character Analysis Disguised as Ship Propaganda

So. You guys really liked that post, huh.

This essay has been a long time coming. I've spent hours awake at night thinking about these two characters, drawn heaps of fanart, I've made Spotify playlists and Pinterest boards, all in an attempt to drown out the urge to eat fiberglass insulation. I love these two, so, so much, and I hope this analysis does them justice.

It’s just under here. vvv

The Past

Starting off with the obvious: these two have history. Bill came into Ford's life at the absolute perfect time. He'd been seemingly betrayed by Stanley, the one person he thought he could count on, he'd been working himself half to death trying to wrangle some decent qualifications out of Backupsmore, and was attempting to make a name for himself in Gravity Falls. Things weren't looking too good. He'd hit a roadblock in his studies, and he felt like he still stuck out, even in a town full of cryptids and outcasts alike. He was getting desperate. He was vulnerable.

Ford often says he wants to become a pioneer, a founding father of science; which isn't necessarily wrong, he isn't lying when he says so, but this ambition really stems from wanting to be accepted and understood. Ford is cripplingly lonely, and you can see how this profound isolation reflects in every aspect of his life and his relationships with others.

So when Bill comes along, it's everything Ford could ask for: validation, understanding, mutual trust, and someone who helps him follow his dream.

They hit it off immediately. “You can call me anything except late for dinner!” “You catch on quick! I think I'm starting to like you, Sixer!” “Perfectly legitimate use of an Oxford comma!” “Jinx! WOW! Get out of my head!” “You first.” This is the first time Ford (and Bill) has clicked with someone in years.

Ford wasn't the only one in need of a relationship like this. Bill, struggling with the guilt of destroying Euclydia, wanted something - or someone - under his control. He wanted to be revered, to be seen as something other than the bad guy. Who better to come across than a lost soul, desperate to feel chosen, to feel special, with a passion for the supernatural?

Even if it wasn’t for long, they worked. They enjoyed each other’s company. And while Bill was using Ford for his own gain, and what they had wasn’t exactly healthy, there were real feelings on both sides.

There still are.

Which is a perfect segue into the next section.

The Present

You wouldn't want to be in a room with these two, would you? They have an absolutely explosive dynamic, an unbelievable amount of tension and chemistry. I think this is because they want to believe they hate each other, but whether they like it or not, they satisfy each other’s cravings and desires. They get the itches the other just can’t scratch. This was especially prominent during the early days of their relationship, but it doesn’t end there.

When Ford needed validation, Bill flattered him endlessly. When he was in shambles after falling through the portal, hunting down Bill gave him a mission to follow. When Bill wanted control, Ford was easily manipulated. When he was bored, he was there for him to play with as much as he so desired.

All of this, and yet: they can’t help but destroy each other.

Ford spiraled into paranoia because of Bill. He constructed the portal he fell into because of Bill. He got captured and tortured because of Bill.

Bill drove himself half insane trying to get Ford to listen to him. He had a drunken meltdown because of Ford. Weirdmaggedon ultimately failed because of Ford!

These two know each other to an uncomfortable degree. They have both been at their most vulnerable with the other person. They know each other’s bodies better than their own (not trying to imply anything here other than possession, but… take it as you will). They know each other's minds better than their own. What they have is messy and toxic and strangely intimate. The bizarre mix of emotions that they feel for each other makes them so interesting to watch.

The Future

The jewel in the crown of an already delectable dynamic; the amount of potential they have.

They’re often toeing some razor-thin line; between platonic and romantic, romantic and sexual, life and death, something and nothing. There are so many ways their relationship can go, so many realities, yet they’re together in every single one.

If one thing went a little different, they could still be together. If Bill had been honest in the beginning, or changed his tactics during Weirdmaggedon, he could have won Ford over. With so much time, so much knowledge of the other person, so much… whatever their twisted version of love is, the possibilities are endless. And I think this is a pretty good place to sign off.

The past, present and future, love and hatred, pain and ecstacy, this dynamic has it all. And the recent release of The Book of Bill only adds fuel to the fire. It's so refreshing to see so many new faces in the community, as well as old ones finally proven right. I didn’t doubt you for a second.

If you’ve made it to the end, thanks! I hope it was worth your time. Stay weird.

- Cecil

[pigswithwings]

Hi jpeg! Sawyer referred me to you because I’m curious; what is Mirage Ultrakill’s whole deal? Like, lore-wise, personality-wise, etc.? ^-^

thank you for asking!! i would be delighted to explain!!

Mirage is a character from a secret/bonus level in Ultrakill, notably a bonus level which is part of the Lust layer. this is funny because Mirage's whole existence is presented as a Lust-related gag; her level is formatted like a visual romance novel and her appearance can summed up as "V1 (player character of ultrakill) but in a schoolgirl outfit?!".

this doesn't mean that Mirage *is* V1, though. some people believe that Mirage is a post-canon V1 or an alternate version of V1, but i personally find it more interesting if we consider Mirage's story and character in tandem to V1 rather than fully separate or fully the same.

Mirage's entire level (and thus, her story) revolves around her worldview and is about different kinds of outlooks on life. her level starts out in a classic romance sim way - you bump onto her in the street as you're both late for class, the whole meet-cute idea. as it turns out, however, mirage isn't really the ideal of "cute nice soft schoolgirl"! she's a jerk when she wants to be and i fucking love that about her. she'll insult you without holding back, and her insults are quite witty too ...

(screenshots from here, the dialogue in white boxes are dialogue choices the player can choose between)

personality-wise, we can tell right off the bat that she's headstrong, she's smart, and she's generally angry with the world for an unknown reason. despite this, mirage seems to be very proud of her identity and femininity, introducing herself as "the prettiest girl in town" before even giving you her name.

however, after a little conversation with mirage, you'll notice that her dialogue has begun to segue into some more serious stuff, stuff that feels out of place for a romance sim. she starts talking about not caring about what people think of her, not caring about life, and being scared about the fact that she exists.

this is where i think mirage as a character gets really interesting. you've seen her anger and frustration with the world, but now you get a reason why. i find it interesting that mirage chooses specifically to talk to a random person she's bumped into on the street - to me, it demonstrates that she's been trying to talk about this to someone for a while now.

as the conversation goes on, mirage explains herself fully. she's tired of trying to reason out why she should be live. she's afraid of dying, but it's all she can think about it. and because it's all she can think about, she can't bring herself to care about her life.

even the game goes along with it, with the background turning into black-and-white and the music slowly distorting into nothingness. mirage, in a sense, *is* the level. she is deeply connected to the world around her, and in playing the game *you* are deeply connected to her. with this speech, her nihilism and passive suicidal ideation become much more clear and relatable to the player - this is how she feels. this is the fear she holds in her body every day. and you can understand why she doesn't care about insulting other people or getting lost on her way to school, because she feels like she can't care.

but that's not the end. and i really like that. even after mirage tells you how she really feels, you get a dialogue option. actually, you get only one dialogue option, and it's this.

because, the game says, you can't just let it happen. you can't just let mirage or yourself sink into that hole. the game makes *you* help her, makes you tell her why her logic is flawed and what she's missing about life, that there are things to live for and that if it will end, there's no point in not making things good before it ends.

and then you, the player, end your speech with this. and it's really nice i think.

mirage isn't totally fixed or healed by this interaction, of course. but she acknowledges that maybe things can look up. she doesn't immediately let go of her insults or her nihilism (huge win), but she does now know that things can look up for her.

so i guess in totality: mirage lore-wise is generally considered a joke character or side gag. but to me she means a lot and there was clearly a lot of emotion and thought put into her. mirage represents the anger, the sorrow, the loneliness, and yet the potential for things to get better. mirage's personality is very complex, she attempts to hide her fear of death and her loneliness in this fear by lashing out or embracing her identity as "the prettiest girl in town". but really mirage's story is about seeing the potential in the world. mirage herself, as a character, is about needing help, finding inspiration, and figuring out how to live again. and i like that i like mirage ultrakill a lot

[genericpuff]

I was kind of curious: What do you think of Persephone's therapy scenes in episodes 160-161?

I personally liked them, but you and many other LO critics always seem to see things that totally flew over my head (I mean that in a positive way).

I think the idea behind them was fine, just the execution that felt really half-baked. Rachel doesn't like scenes to sit too long so the therapy scene, of course, wound up being rushed in the course of 2-3 episodes (meaning she had to have Persephone dump everything all at once) and while Persephone's dialogue is handled relatively well, the direction of the scene itself feels entirely mismanaged (which is both a side effect of Rachel's directionless writing and the fact that she clearly doesn't want to do more than one of these kinds of episodes so she needs to speedrun it).

TRIGGER WARNING: Discussion concerning sexual assault ahead!

Like, let's start with Persephone's intent in going to therapy. Wanting to pursue therapy doesn't just happen suddenly, there's usually a "trigger event" to make someone realize "I need help", whether it be hitting rock bottom or even just going "I feel like I don't have the skills or tools necessary to deal with what I'm dealing with, I need a professional opinion".

Despite Eros advising her to go to therapy all the way back in S1 to address her assault-

-she actually finally goes to therapy in S2 not to address the assault, but to address... how she feels insecure in comparison to Hera who she just found out Hades had a long-term affair with??? At least that's definitely the implication.

And then of course the therapy session itself segues immediately into "Persephone is a high achiever and it's because of her mom being overbearing" which Rachel doesn't connect at all to either the SA or her feeling insecure compared to Hera (which, by the way, barely even has anything to do with her, but she didn't - and still doesn't - have the emotional maturity or self-respect to realize that Hades is a serial cheater-)

That's where the first therapy episode cuts off, and then the next episode immediately opens with Persephone writing her entire backstory on a whiteboard, so we can assume time has passed and she's talked about everything from her childhood up until this point.

Then we get Chiron asking Persephone... what could go wrong if she leaves TGOEM??

Even though we never saw any of the actual sequence so it just feels like a question that's coming out of nowhere? Like did Persephone say during that schpeel that she wanted to leave TGOEM? Isn't that something we should have seen to connect these two trains of thought?

Ah, right, because we have to get into Hades. Because this comic fails the Bechdel test so hard it can't even have a character talk about their trauma or childhood without it seguing into "well there's this one specific main character guy I just really wanna sleep with-"

Don't get me wrong, if Rachel is trying to "deconstruct purity culture" here, I can get her angle with this, if Persephone has been "groomed her entire life" to be an eternal maiden then there's clearly some thought processes about sexual attraction there that are being challenged by her attraction to Hades. But it just feels so rushed purely for the sake of getting her through her trauma and childhood problems and everything that Rachel tacked onto her backstory (in an attempt to make her seem more than just a self-insert) so that Rachel can get her back on track to sleeping with Hades, the one and only man she's clearly ever felt sexual attraction to enough to want to leave TGOEM and question her entire childhood.

And then we get this and I just-

Like first of all, again, Persephone being a complete airhead and not realizing that it has less to do with her possibly being an inadequate partner and more to do with Hades being a serial cheater who also used her as an emotional affair partner;

but ALSO the fact that the conclusion is some "eureka" moment of "you're a bad decision maker" ??? I was a fan of the comic still when this scene happened and even I went "huh?"

Like she doesn't bother to try and connect it to everything she just learned and said about her childhood and how she wants to be the "perfect daughter" who will make everyone happy, Chiron just reduces it to "oh you just suck at making decisions". As if "sucking at making decisions" isn't like, a reactionary extension of deeper problems. She's treating it as if Persephone is some "puzzle" to be solved and her being a "bad decision maker" was the answer when it's undoubtedly just one of many side effects of her upbringing. It feels like she's addressing the cough and not the virus.

Also a little off topic but-

Gotta love how we've never seen Persephone actually employ this homework from her therapist because she's constantly stapled to Hades and the only thing she cares about is his happiness. Literally, I don't think Persephone could possibly answer that question because she's never been independent enough to even learn what makes her happy - she's jumped from wanting to make her mother happy to wanting to make Hades happy but we're supposed to condemn the former and celebrate the latter.

Buuut of course we don't get her answering that question because again, Rachel can't spend more than 30 seconds on a single scene because that would demand too much writing and thought from her. So we cut to Hera having a discussion with Asclepius regarding her scars re-opening, yadda yadda.

By the time we cut back to the therapy session at the start of the next episode (that's three episodes that have been spent basically accomplishing nothing because none of the thought threads tie together in a meaningful way beyond what the audience has to assume) Chiron is conveniently wrapping things up and it's then and only then does Rachel try to actually incorporate the SA plotline that was Persephone's ORIGINAL MOTIVATION in going to therapy.

Now, the scene for the most part is fine, I don't really like how the therapy session was written leading up to it, but her describing her freeze response and how she feels guilty she couldn't "fight back" is a very real feeling that I can definitely say was well written.

My one gripe with it though - and sure, this might be nitpicky, but here me out - is this:

I don't particularly like that Chiron the therapist just found out about her patient being a rape victim - someone who's also said she doesn't like people grabbing her / touching her without her consent - and then decides the best course of action is to comfort her... while touching her.

Now I want to make it perfectly clear, it's not against the law or even the code of ethics to make physical contact between a therapist and their patient. Loads of patients have made breakthroughs with their therapists that have called for hugs and while some therapists may not be okay with it, there are definitely therapists who are who fully understand that hugs in those moments are the best thing for a person. But it's still a general boundary that is there and even with patients who aren't victims of SA, consent needs to be asked for / given.

So Chiron just... coming over and touching Persephone on the knee, while undoubtedly seen as a "warm and comforting act" by those who have had similar sessions with their own therapists or even just those who have no clue and see it on the surface level as being "sweet", really irks me, because it just seems so tone deaf to do with a character like Persephone who is supposed to be a victim of having her bodily autonomy taken away from her.

Again, it's a small criticism, and undoubtedly a nitpick in the eyes of some, but a simple "can I give you a hug?" from either Chiron or Persephone would have gone a long way in accomplishing Persephone's need for consent and bodily autonomy a lot more than just having Chiron come up and touch her leg without her consent. Please, for the love of god, let Persephone have some autonomy, asking for consent doesn't ruin the moment.

And that's pretty much it, Persephone talks about how she feels like she's tethered to Apollo, and Chiron assures her that's not the case, session over, Persephone goes outside to Hades aaaand notice how we never actually tackled that "I feel insecure because of my partner having former partners?" thing? Notice how the best we got was her talking about her fears of being an "inadequate partner" which focused entirely on her not being "enough" for Hades and being a "bad decision maker" rather than pointing out 1.) Hades' own faults in being a serial cheater that would undoubtedly contribute to her insecurities and 2.) what Persephone could do for Hades rather than what Hades could do for Persephone? It's always "I don't know if I'm good enough for him" and never "I don't know if he's good enough for me."

Yet another F-- on Lore Olympus' Bechdel test. Every single thing tacked onto Persephone's backstory is meant purely to get her with Hades - TGOEM is just an obstacle preventing her from having sex with Hades, the assault is just a framing device to show how much "better" Hades is for Persephone than Apollo, her overbearing childhood is just to show how much more "free" she is now that she's not living with her mother and is living with Hades instead, etc.

No agency, no autonomy, no character, even when it tries.

[skydigiblogs]

Digimon and Nostalgia

i have a habit of just kind of passing by in the tags sometimes even when i'm quiet, and i'm realizing i don't know how much i've talked about the thought behind why we decided to revisit digimon last february from start to finish.

okay so fair warning, this is gonna be rambly and a little bit semi-incoherent because i feel like absolute dogshit today but the brain worms on the subject aren't leaving me alone to rest.

i am putting it under a read more for all our sanity

so there's this category of post i always see in the tags that seems to come from a place of either not engaging with enough digimon media or not engaging with the media.

that first one is a bit easier to explain. sometimes people will talk about things they want to see in the digimon franchise, and it's kind of clear that they have a very narrow scope of what they've actually seen from it.

i'm trying to think of an example that doesn't put recent posts i've seen on blast lmao (because that's not the point of this post), but also i think some of the points brought up by this post by @starwardking (pardon the tag) highlight the complexity of the first kind of issue, because it both is and isn't the kind of problem that can be fixed by just finding the right digimon media.

when i saw this post, my first instinct was to point to series like savers and appmon, where a majority of the plot takes place in the human world and allows for a lot of mundane shenanigans. i also think a bit about the earlier episodes of tamers.

(i think to some extent ghost game has a bit of domestic life shit going on, but seeing as it is also a horror anime, part of it is about the dissonance between "Normal for Digimon" and "Normal for Humans." but you also get episodes about little hideaways digimon live in in the human world so they can drink tea and share snacks. you also have digimon that just hang out in libraries and shit like that.)

at the same time, this is also an issue i think that isn't fixed by finding the right digimon media. the comparison to pokemon is what makes me consider this, specifically because of something like pokemon amie. it may have just been a minigame, but it's also something that, especially in the video games, i don't think we have a clear parallel to. i do agree that it would be nice to enjoy a bit of domestic fluff with your digimon!

but then i also recognize that i myself have also skipped over games where i could tell there would be some of that. i couldn't finish survive because it has elements i just can't handle either playing or watching. what i do remember in survive is that you have quite a few scenes early on in the school that are about resource management (figuring out how to digimon survive, as it were). this is done while you're also chatting with your human and digimon friends.

which i think segues better into the second kind of issue, being that sometimes i see these posts and they come from an angle where it seems someone hasn't exactly made an effort to engage with digimon as it is. there's a phenomenal video essay by deep dive on youtube, actually, that talks about this with regards to ghost game.

on the most abstract level, are you trying to be cognizant of your biases going into a piece of art when you take it in? what experiences make it difficult to engage with the text in a way that it wants you to engage? can you even see what the text is trying to say, even if it's ineffectual?

this is also why i wanted to tie this in with the reason i decided to make a blog to track my revisiting of all the different series.

nostalgia is killer, and not in a good way.

one of the things we regularly do with media we enjoy enough to praise is revisit it. if it's been over a year since i've watched something and i am trying to hype it up to someone, i want to not rely on my own memory, but also the text of that individual piece of art.

the second form of this issue comes about when an individual has an Idea about digimon, and they post with a very firm stance on what digimon is or is not. it's a retreading i think of the same reason anyone is willing to not consider appmon part of the digimon franchise (despite the "digimon universe" title).

again: what are your biases coming into a piece of art? do you have certain ideas about what digimon is supposed to look like? do you refuse to give other digimon media a fair chance because of it?

this form is more likely to get me to just block someone so i don't have to keep scrolling past them in the tags tbh. there's a mixture of "it was better in the old days" combined with a blatant lack of media literacy when "attempting" to engage with newer digimon media. you see this in a lot of franchises, to be fair, but it is always frustrating.

like i could also be biased because of my own background, being that i have an english degree, but there's something so... disappointing, i suppose, to the latter form of this criticism. if you're going to have a take, i want to see you articulate it. it's not a school assignment, sure, but what in god's name is making you come to that take?

i think the most painful series to see this with for me are savers and appmon, if only because i did rewatch them to better understand why i love them (and also what i really hate about them!).

savers especially is a show i watched because i was interested in seeing if the "MIB but if the aliens were Digimon" series could handle making any statement about the nature of law enforcement! and surprise surprise, it fucking did!

people probably feel the same way any time i post about frontier, which is a series i've been vocal about my dislike about (though i respect anyone willing to try to make frontiers better through their own art and writing). it's been a struggle to rewatch that series, but i also don't want to make strong judgments with firm backing because i know i have not seen it in years, nor have i seen the original sub.

i don't think i have a nice clean conclusion for this. it's an observation i keep having, and i don't think there's any particular solution for someone like me who just wants people to try a little harder to pick apart the things they like. i want people to understand how stories tick, and the things they both explicitly and implicitly say. it's the english teacher in me, i guess.

[sandinmybed]

big ramble about mike's love languages and how that relates to his relationships with will and el ahead!

its just occurred to me that in s3, during lucas and mike's little "how to apologise to a girl when you're gay and dont have any instincts in a straight relationship" crash course, the one thing mike did actually understand as relationship advice from lucas was "girls like presents." that's the thing he focused on the most, which was a great segue into a silly montage of lucas, mike and a very fed-up will running around the mall trying to buy gifts for the girls.

however, el doesn't give a damn about presents, not really. she doesn't really react to the flowers he gives her in s4 - she cares more about the note and what it says (and what it says does not please her.) el's love language appears to be words - she keeps mike's letters, and she's acutely aware of what they all say. she needs mike to *say* that he loves her - him showing how much he cares is not enough for el. so mike focusing on giving her presents was never going to work. his way of showing affection/love is not what she naturally recognises.

but yknow who does canonically like presents?

this boi.

continued under the cut because this got long:

the only advice mike's able to take from lucas' girlfriend apology training speedrun is the one that applies to him. mike's love language is receiving gifts. this isn't a "mike's so selfish" dunk post because hes literally thirteen and it makes sense to him that if he likes presents, el must like presents too. everyone likes presents, right? but it just further shows the disconnect between them. they can't recognise what the other person needs. (side note, el never gives him any presents or compliments him during the course of their relationship if i recall. mike isn't receiving love in a way he understands either.)

when mike fucks up with el, he needs a training course from lucas on how to fix it and he still doesn't understand what's going on (and lets not forget mike is smart as fuck, he should logically be able to work this out.) then, like four hours later chronologically, he fucks up with will. he visibly realises he's fucked up as soon as he says the infamous INMFYDLG line and without anyone telling him to, he travels miles in the pouring rain to fix it. notably, with words. will is also not interested in presents. mike isnt often (maybe ever?) shown giving him a present, but he gives will plenty of heartfelt words and verbally appreciates will. in season 4, he fights with will and el on the same day AGAIN, and what does he do? he brings el a plate of eggos, which she rejects by not touching them. they fight more, "a fight you can't come back from." and then later, his apology to will - he doesn't bring any gifts or peace offerings, he just calmly talks to him and apologises sincerely. and it works perfectly - they're back to sharing their feelings with each other and being best friends. the tension in their relationship is basically gone after that.

on a related note, let's look at what will and el do when they first see mike after a year, mike! six months. el plans a whole day together, doing all this crazy fun stuff like breakfast burritos and rollerskating, and mike goes with it but his response is noticeably a little confused. think about mike as a character - he's nerdy, a little awkward, he likes comic books, video games, movies, and stories. he's got his close friends but he's not really a social butterfly. he'd probably be just as happy to go home and watch movies together and hang out, rather than meet a bunch of el's "friends." it all goes to shit, as we know, which is neither el nor mike's fault, but it does.

will brings the painting to their reunion. will has been working on this painting for like a week, probably. he's poured tons of effort and time into it. he obviously doesn't get a chance to give it to him until the van, but when he does?

mike loves it.

that awestruck smile - this is for him and will made it. and we know mike particularly likes receiving will's art, he's been shown to have more of it on his walls than even joyce does. this is also why mike is so confused - these tags perfectly describe why mike is so messed up about the painting, imo. he likes gifts, and brings one for el, but el doesnt give him one back. but then will does, and he loves it, but will says its from el.

but this also explains why after the painting reveal, mike looks a little bit like he might know something's up.

gift giving/receiving and words of affirmation are the love languages that mike understands best, remember. so will byers, visibly emotional, has just given him an epic speech about how great "el" thinks he is, while presenting him with a handmade gift that's perfectly thought out for mike's interests that he poured hours of work into. let's not forget mike is very intelligent. i dont think he's fully oblivious like fandom thinks he is - when it comes to mike wheeler feeling appreciated, will has absolutely nailed it, and that's his downfall when it comes to hiding his feelings. he's too good at knowing what makes mike feel loved. so now mike's got to deal with will's perfectly adapted tokens of love and how instinctually easy he finds it to please will, vs his girlfriend, who never really makes him feel appreciated, and his own inability to make her feel appreciated

[pastafossa]

Adventures in being disabled/chronically ill but also just weirdness. And also in the process of writing this I only basically now realized how shittily I was being treated as a disabled person because that's what happens when you put it on the page and go, '...oh, maybe I wasn't overreacting by feeling put off.'

Putting it all behind a cut because there's some ableism here and it's a bit long.

Enter Lady. We'll call her - *spins random name generator* - Angie. Angie has decided I am her friend because I woodcarve and she makes old fashioned clothes. She has decided for me that I will be going to big weeklong outdoor renfaire style events with her group, in which I will sell my stuff and I will carpool with them.

She decided this ten minutes after meeting me for the first time, by the way. I have met her a grand total of 2 times.

Anyway. These events are outdoors, and I would be camping. In the height of summer. In locations known for high humidity and summer wet bulb temps that regularly climb over 100*.

As expected, this is an issue in multiple ways, the first of which is my chronic pain wracked body tolerates camping about as well as Cocaine Bear would tolerate being shaved (source: went camping), and the second of which is one of my medication's side effects literally includes inability to tolerate moderate to high heat and a fucking mild allergy to sunlight.

I'm a goddamn vampire with limited heat tolerance ya'll, on top of being Physically Incapable Of Many Things TM. And she wants me out in the sun and heat for a week, and sleeping at night in a tent.

So I pop over to her place because she invited me (meeting 2, since meeting 1 was brief), she's nearby, and I'm still thinking she was just a little clueless but maybe this can still be like a, 'fellow crafter discussion of cool events in the area' once I explain. My plan is to gently segue from heat tolerance and disability into I Am Not Going, but also I want to use it as a little reminder not to assume people's functionality, cause I don't mind trying to educate a little. Most mean well, so I'm not even mad at this point. But I don't get far at all before I'm blatantly interrupted and told heat and sun isn't an issue for a disabled person, I can swap out with someone and go be in a tent from noon to 2, and, get this-

"You can have a fan in your tent to cool down!"

Angie, if a fan could solve my issues I wouldn't have been so eager to live in a city that is, as we speak, still getting snow in FUCKING APRIL.

Which I calmly explained.

But I am interrupted again, after I use the word, 'disability'.

"Do you have a service dog?"

No???

"You should get one. Anyway, trust me, you'll be fine. Other disabled people go and they're fine."

Right, cool, I'm definitely in the exact same disabled situation as the dude that lost a foot.

I try again. I'm blunter this time. I am disabled, my body doesn't like camping, my doctor would not advise-

"Oh you'll be fine. They have flushing toilets nearby!"

???

How does that fix the heat or my body being-

"So when you go with us to this one in May, and this one in-"

Ah, ok, we're just disregarding everything I said. Cool. Cool cool.

I sat there feeling like... a prop I guess? Just... bewildered. Obviously looking back I should have just walked out and left, but there's this bizarre feeling where you're still in Don't Be Rude mode because you haven't quite processed what happen. I did manage to cut the visit short after about 20 more minutes, drove home, still kinda unsettled. It was only after talking to mom, that I realized I'd just been completely dismissed as a disabled person. Which has happened before of course (once had a random lady interrupt my conversation with another person about my disability with, 'you need to eat more blueberries. Those have antioxidants, that'll fix your problem!'), but it's been a while.

Anyway, I will not be hanging with this person again and to be perfectly honest I'm tempted to bring this up with the witchy shop owner (who I am friends with) where the event I met Angie is held - the shop owner VERY much wants to protect anyone who's been treated poorly or have some boundary talks with anyone crossing those boundaries in a disrespectful way - but even now part of me's saying, 'no no, that's too much, just skip that event every month so you don't see Angie again'. On top of that, I'm new to the area and the art community here, and this lady's much more established. I really, really, really do not want to cause issues for myself since I'm trying to start up with all my carvings. So I'm feeling... stuck I guess.

Anyway, 'you can just have a fan!' is going down in my, 'ridiculous fixes I've been given for some part of my disability' list.

[thelonelyshore-if]

1k Followers Drabble

I finally settled on how I wanted to celebrate 1k followers--by sharing a bit of fun ~extra content~ with you all! It isn't quite a traditional drabble, but I really enjoy what I've come up with.

Below the cut is a 'transcript' from Perri's radio show. The transcript is taken from the night MC washed up on shore, and surrounds some 'theories' citizens have of who this mysterious new stranger could be. Mostly the goal was to be silly, give a taste of what Perri's show is like, and show Perri and Beck's characters a bit more!

I hope you enjoy <3

THE LONELY SHORE

10/11/XXXX

-

LOVELESS:

Good evening, creatures of the night. This is your host, Perri Loveless. Sunday nights are typically reserved for local hauntings and ghost stories, but we have a breaking news story! Tonight, we’ll be discussing the story of the Drowned Stranger.

SOUND:

Waves lap against shore, THEME SONG plays before fading out, segue into…

–

LOVELESS: 

Welcome back. An incredible thing has happened, listeners. An almost unbelievable thing. Only a few hours ago, an unidentified individual was rushed into Easthaven Medical in potentially critical condition. 

We have on the line a witness who would like to remain anonymous. 

Hello–are you there?

WITNESS:

Ah–hello. Yes, I’m here.

LOVELESS:

We’re glad to have you, thank you for being willing to speak on your experience. Please–tell us about what you witnessed earlier tonight.

WITNESS:

Sure. So I was just about to leave the hospital when it happened. I, uh. Don’t need to tell you why I was there, do I?

LOVELESS:

Of course not. Please, if you’re comfortable, just tell us what you saw.

WITNESS:

Okay, good. So, I was standing there in the lobby, and I see a truck tearing into the lot like a bat out of hell. Seriously–it’s like they were firefighters trying to put out a house fire, right? Clearly something’s up, so I decided to stick around to watch.

LOVELESS:

Wow. It sounds like the situation was urgent.

WITNESS:

Seemed like it. So the truck stops so fast I was half sure they’d crash. Before I know it, the driver’s door flies open. You said I couldn’t tell you who it was?

LOVELESS:

We’d prefer to keep identities private until we know more about the story, yes. Thank you.

WITNESS:

Alright. So the, uh, driver gets out and immediately opens the back door. I’m standing there watching as they grab something out of the back seat.

LOVELESS:

Something?

WITNESS:

Someone. It was a person–it was a stranger. To be honest, the person looked dead. The driver scoops the stranger up like a sack of potatoes and pretty much runs up to the door. I’m just standing there with my mouth hangin’ open, but then I make myself useful and hold the door.

LOVELESS:

What can you tell me about the stranger?

WITNESS:

Not much. Like I said, they looked like the hospital wouldn’t do ‘em much good, if you know what I mean. But the freakiest thing was that they were dripping wet. Just, completely soaked.

A storm’s been rolling in all night, but it hadn’t hit yet. I don’t know where this person came from, but they were soaked to the bone and out cold.

LOVELESS:

Incredible. What happened next?

WITNESS:

I mean–they rushed the stranger into a room, so I didn’t really see much after that. Somebody parked the truck but I didn’t stick around to see who it was. The whole situation kind of gave me the creeps? So I just…left after that.

LOVELESS:

Sure, sure. Do you have any theories about where the stranger came from?

WITNESS:

Uh. They were pretty wet. The lake or the river, probably.

LOVELESS:

Hm. Interesting. Thank you again for your testimony!

Alright, listeners, what do you think? An unidentified individual was brought to the hospital, unconscious and, apparently, wet. What possibly could have happened? 

Give us a call at XXX-XXXX and we’ll get you on air! 

-

VOICE:

Seriously? What else could it be if not the lake? Or the river, I guess.

LOVELESS: 

Hush. I’m on air! If you want to share a theory–

VOICE:

Nah, you know I don’t. I’m just saying.

LOVELESS:

Then wait until the show’s done.

VOICE:

*LAUGHTER*

Fine–fine! You win. 

SOUND:

Brief instrumental plays, interrupted by the sound of a phone ringing.

-

LOVELESS:

You’re on air at The Lonely Shore! Hi, there, good evening!

CALLER 1:

It was aliens.

LOVELESS:

Oh, interesting–I wouldn’t be surprised if extraterrestrial life was somehow involved. Tell me more.

CALLER 1:

Reverse alien abduction. 

*LONG PAUSE*

LOVELESS:

Hello? Are you still there.

CALLER 1:

Mm-hmm.

LOVELESS:

Reverse alien abduction. Sure. Do you mean…instead of picking someone up, the aliens dropped someone off? Or more like–

CALLER 1:

Stranger is an alien. Wolf in sheep’s clothes. An alien with human skin, dumped out some kind of vat into our town. Gonna steal our secrets.

LOVELESS:

A vat–that would explain why the stranger was, uh. Damp.

CALLER 1:

Alien juice.

VOICE:

*LOUDER LAUGHTER*

*choked* Juice!

LOVELESS:

*hushed* If you can’t be polite–

VOICE:

Sorry, sorry.

CALLER 1:

Who’s in there with you? Can you trust ‘em? I thought this program was safe–

LOVELESS:

It is! I’ve just got an. Um. Station assistant here. I promise, we’re here to listen.

CALLER 1:

Really shoulda warned me you weren’t alone–wouldn’t have called you at all if I thought somebody else’d be listening.

LOVELESS:

Sir, this is a radio show?

SOUND:

Phone clicks, returning to instrumental. Music plays until–phone rings again.

-

LOVELESS:

Um–hello! You’re on The Lonely Shore. The…ah, the radio show. Thank you for calling!

VOICE:

Smooth

LOVELESS:

Would you be quiet?

CALLER 2:

Excuse me!?

LOVELESS:

Ah, not you, ma’am! Talking to my…dog. Won’t stop barking. Anyway, thank you again for calling to share your theory!

CALLER 2:

I think you should be ashamed of yourself.

LOVELESS:

…what?

CALLER 2:

Nice new face in town and you’re already spreading nasty rumors! People listen to the radio to hear news and some nice music at the end of a long day. Not this filth.

VOICE:

Oh f*** off.

LOVELESS:

Beck!

CALLER 2:

How dare you! Never in all my days have I been treated…all the ways to speak to a customer…my hard earned tax dollars don’t pay you to insult me! 

LOVELESS:

That’s not really how it…

CALLER 2:

I swear, I’ll end this program! I’m friends with very important people in city hall and when I’m through with–

SOUND:

Phone clicks, instrumental resumes.

-

LOVELESS:

*hushed* can you please not insult my callers.

BECK:

She was being a major–

LOVELESS:

Please.

BECK:

*sigh* I’m sorry. For real. I just don’t like people talking to you like–

LOVELESS:

I know, but I can handle much worse than getting scolded.

BECK:

You’re right.

SOUND:

Instrumental ends, cut off by the phone ringing.

-

LOVELESS:

Hello! You’re on the air with The Lonely Shore. We’re currently looking for theories about the Drowned Stranger.

CALLER 3:

I’ve got a theory.

LOVELESS:

Excellent, please share your thoughts.

CALLER 3:

I don’t think the stranger came from the lake. Not originally.

LOVELESS:

Where did they come from?

CALLER 3:

I’ve called to tell you this before, but I live right next to the graveyard. Somebody has been digging up graves and stealing body parts.

LOVELESS:

Oh, yes–I remember your call from a few weeks back.

CALLER 3:

I finally figured out what they needed the parts for. I think it was the Hermit.

LOVELESS:

That’s an…um, bold accusation. Usually they’re pretty reclusive.

CALLER 3:

You think I don’t know that? It’s the reason that they’ve been stealing body parts. I think the Hermit’s lonely–and they’ve built themself a grandchild.

LOVELESS:

Like…out of dead people? Like Frankenstein’s monster?

CALLER 3:

Just like that, yes! You understand. I think they finally managed to create life, and now their creation is in our town!

LOVELESS:

Do you think that the creation was. Ah. Grown in a vat, at all?

CALLER 3:

Like that fool said earlier? Of course not, aren’t you listening? The Hermit sewed a bunch of bits from our lost loved ones together to make an abomination.

LOVELESS:

You’re right, sorry. The witness just said that they were–

CALLER 3:

Wet? Yes, I was getting to that. I think the abomination escaped. You know the Hermit’s cabin’s right up against shore? I think the creature accidentally walked into the lake.

LOVELESS:

Hm.

CALLER 3:

And then when some good samaritans saw what they thought was someone drowning–

LOVELESS:

They swooped in and saved them?

CALLER 3:

Exactly!

LOVELESS:

That is quite the interesting theory! It would explain the grave robberies you’ve reported…

CALLER 3:

I wouldn’t be surprised if the Hermit had killed to add to the abomination, either. Maybe the Edwards girl didn’t get lost in the woods at all!

LOVELESS:

um.

CALLER 3:

We could have a killer in our midst.

LOVELESS:

You know, all theories are welcome here, but–

CALLER 3:

Why aren’t you listening? We could ALL be in danger!

LOVELESS:

Out of respect to her family–

CALLER 3:

Her family should know what really happened to her.

LOVELESS:

Okay. Well–thank you for calling! Listeners, we’re going to go to a quick commercial break.

SOUND:

Phone clicks, instrumental resumes and commercials begin. Unheard by the listeners…

-

BECK:

Jesus.

LOVELESS:

Yeah.

BECK:

I know you believe this stuff, but that…

LOVELESS:

It seemed plausible until she mentioned Kristy. That was just. Ah…

BECK:

Dark as hell?

LOVELESS:

Yeah. Thanks for keeping quiet, though. I’m sure you had plenty you wanted to say.

BECK:

I guess, but I was being a dick earlier. I know how much your show means to you.

LOVELESS:

Appreciate it. 

BECK:

You going to be good to keep going tonight? I’m sure your listeners wouldn’t mind one night off.

LOVELESS:

I’m fine, I’m fine. It’s weird. She was pretty much our age, you know? Makes you think.

BECK:

Ugh. Don’t dwell on that shit if you can help it. We’ve had lots of close calls and we’re still kicking, right?

LOVELESS:

You’re right. Thanks, Beck.

BECK:

Welcome, P. Maybe the next caller’s going to think the poor stranger was a bunch of frogs in a trench coat or something. That’d be fun.

LOVELESS:

*LAUGHTER* Yeah, maybe.

-

END TRANSCRIPT

[perpetualexistence]

Total Drama Fic Rec Week Day 3: AUs

*rubs hands together maniacally* Oh boy do I have a bunch of AU fics to recommend to you folks. I'm a sucker for a good AU if you couldn't tell by my own. There's also some horror/darker fics becuase I do love when the teens are put through The Horrors. I've separated the non-horror from the horror for those who aren't as big of fans as I of the genre.

Face the Sun (and Fall) by Noah_about_it: An Alenoah superhero fic where Noah is a vigilante trying to hide his identity despite working for one of the city's most prominent superhero couples. It's got assistant Noah, Chref dads, and Team E-scope. Also a cool variety of powersets. What more could you want?

Shoot Your Local Celebrity! by butterflyclipped: An Alenoah fic where Noah is an aspiring screenwriter forced to be Chris' assistant to make ends meet while Alejandro is a rising celebrity who got signed onto a buddy cop movie he hates with his only reprieve being the assistant of the actor he hates the most. Has a lot of Bojack Horseman vibes in the best possible way. It's only two chapters and hasn't updated in so very long, but I still enjoyed it and highly recommend it.

Total Drama Kingdoms and why Noah hates royals by QuestionableLasagna: A fantasy Alenoah fic where Noah is a wizard handling all the behind the scenes of a fantasy reality show that Prince Alejandro happens to be taking part. These two butt heads in the most glorious of ways, and it's fun to discover what fantasy creature each cast member is! There's also mystery in both Alejandro AND Noah's backstories, so that's a treat.

The Horrors

Death Cast by Nocopops: A really good Island of the Slaughtered fic that goes over each of the deaths, and then the experiences of each of the survivors. Does a really good job of making them all feel like teenagers who just made horrible mistakes due to their circumstances. Also, it's finished! Which isn't a thing you can say about a lot of IOTS fics. This was one of the fics that helped me segue into the Total Drama fandom when my love for it was rekindled thanks to IOTS, so it's got a special place in my heart.

Despair Island by Knifez: This one's an oldie, like was made in 2014 classic. It's a TDI AU where getting eliminated from the show means getting killed. All these teenagers are on edge for some fairly obvious reasons, and that tension carries throughout the fic. There are moments of OOC-ness, but most of which can be explained by the situation, or by the author. Though uh, I will say that if you're a Cody fan, I don't think this fic is for you. You'll see what I mean by the first chapter. He doesn't get better.

Total Drama World Tour: Massacre by Pearl_Islands7: A more modern fic based on Despair Island. Same premise of teens dying if they get eliminated, though with the spin that it's during World Tour. It's juicy in a different way to have the characters know each other already and still have to choose who gets to live/die. There's also a twist that a couple of teens will randomly be allowed to live, and Chris experiencing hauntings from the eliminated teens.

@totaldramaficrecweek

[lovelopmon]

My Adventure 02 Epilogue Evolution Lines ~ Part 2

Part 1

If you're here, I'm assuming you have context. But if not, click the part 1 link above.

Let's start with T.K's son:

Tokomon -> Patamon -> Unimon -> Chirinmon -> Mitamamon

Okay, so fair warning, Kai and two other kids in this post share the same Rookie partner as their parents, there isn't much wiggle room when they've already been given In-training Digimon. What can you do, right? So I figured, let's focus more on the animal aspects of Patamon, rather than digivolving him into yet another beautiful variant of Angemon.

Once I discovered Chirinmon and Mitamamon, I knew they were the Ultimate and Mega stage I was looking for, especially since they're both holy Digimon. The problem was finding a Champion level to bridge Patamon to Chirinmon. My initial response was Pegasusmon, and while I do still think he'd be a perfect fit, T.K's Patamon had already digivolved into Pegasusmon in Adventure 02 and T.K and Kai were already sharing a Rookie, I didn't want their partners digivolutions to look too identical. Then I remembered Unimon, whose hair is the same color as Patamon, which was good enough for me. Plus, Unimon is a callback to the one Joe faced in Digimon Adventure when Gomamon digivolved for the first time.

Now, Kari and Hiroshi's son:

Nyaromon -> Salamon -> Mikemon -> Beautymon -> Mastemon

Now you're probably asking yourself, who the duck is Hiroshi? Remember the Dark Spore children from Digimon Adventure 02, and how one of them wanted to be a magna artist? Yeah, that guy.

Takari/Daikari fans, don't kill me! I'm just making my WIP as canon adjacent as possible, and it doesn't seem that Kari ended up marrying T.K or Davis by the end of the epilogue. Doesn't mean things can't change though, after all, Kari is divorced in the beginning of my WIP. 😉

Moving on to more important matters, Hideaki's Rookie was already decided for him in the Epilogue. And I couldn't have his Salamon digivolve into Gatomon and completely copy that digivolution line. Mikemon is said to come into fruition due to the data of Nyaromon sleeping in Salamon before re-manifesting in the Champion level. Since Hideaki is the first of the next gen Digidestined to have a Rookie level, you could chalk this up as his Nyaromon digivolving into Salamon prematurely. Mikemon's usual Ultimate level is Beastmon, who I feel will be more suited for a dark digivolution path once Hideaki crosses that bridge. Afterwards, I felt it'd be appropriate if Mikemon digivolved into Beautymon, (Beautymon and the Beastmon, anyone?) a knight appmon from Appmon who resembles Angewomon. The dark angel look it has going on is a perfect segue into Mastemon, an angel Digimon who controls both light and darkness. Seeing as Hideaki will have the Crest of Redemption, Mastemon could symbolize the embracing of both light and darkness within.

Davis' child:

Demiveemon -> Veemon -> Veedramon -> AeroVeedron -> Ulforce Veedramon

Art by @/hapuriainen, from their Digital Character Creator on deviantart

Spoiler alert, I'm making Davis' son trans because I want a female goggle-head leader for once. Is that too much to ask? Hell, while we're at it, Tamiko's Veemon is also a female. What are you gonna do about it? Trans rights!

Anyway, lol, this was the easiest because this is the only complete digivolution line Veemon has. Karn EX just happened to have the same idea as I did, lol.

Ken and Yolei's children:

Top Left: Poromon -> Hyokomon -> Buraimon -> Butenmon -> Chronomon

Bottom Left: Leafmon -> Puroromon -> Morphomon

Top Right: Minomon -> Kunemon -> Kuwagamon -> MetalLifeKuwagamon -> GrandisKuwagamon

I took Karn EX's idea for a Hyokomon evolution with Inori (their oldest daughter), and thank God for the video, I was originally gonna give her a Hawkmon and try to differentiate it from Yolei's Hawkmon. I have no other notes, it's perfect.

For the youngest baby girl, Kotone, I figured to give her a different In-training Digimon from her brother. Since in the WIP, Kotone's only four, there won't be much of her and her partner adventuring in the Digital World, so for a while they'll just be Morphomon (until the time skip 😉).

And for the only boy, the middle child, Renjiro, I did take Karn EX's idea of using Kunemon, but decided on a different digivolution past the Rookie stage. Kuwagamon is a callback to the very first episode of Digimon Adventure. As for the Ultimates and Megas, there aren't many options without having overlap and while I was very tempted to use BranchoStingmon, I felt that would be a better suited Mega for Ken's Wormmon.

Last, but not least, Cody's daughter:

Upamon -> Tapiramon -> Rhinomon -> Mammothmon -> Goddramon

I literally came up with this yesterday. Prior to yesterday, had you asked me about which was my least favorite, I would've said it was my original digivolution line for Cody's daughter, Akira. Now, it's one of my favorites.

Upamon to Tapiramon seemed plausible, and I originally wanted to use Goddramon as the Mega, but once again, the problems I had were with filling in the blanks. Baluchimon, I still believe, is a very perfect fit for a Champion digivolution, while Mammothmon is a perfect fit for a viable Ultimate. But Baluchimon to Mammothmon, to me, doesn't really work. Originally, I got rid of both Mammothmon and Goddramon and had Baluchimon to Rhinomon (portrayed as an Ultimate in one video game and as a Champion in another, despite being an Armor digivolution) then to Huanglongmon but I wasn't completely satisfied with that. So, I got rid of Baluchimon, made Rhinomon the Champion level, and put Goddramon back where it belonged.

Tapiramon and Goddramon are nice callbacks to Digimon Adventure Tri (with Mammothmon being a callback to the one Sora and Garudamon faced in Digimon Adventure). The fact that they're both holy Digimon is also a subtle reference to Shakkoumon, a rumored ancient angel Digimon and a DNA Digivolution between Angemon and Ankylamon from Digimon Adventure 02. The gold armor on Rhinomon also resembles Armadillomon, Ankylamon, and Digmon.

Next post will probably either be about what my takes on the families/careers are for the Epilogue, what I think the full digivolution lines are for Davis, Yolei, and Cody (and what their crests would be), or my ideas for a Frontier sequel.

[goron-king-darunia]

Annon-Guy: Got a favorite Version of the theme Dreams Dreams from the NiGHTS Series?

https://www.tumblr.com/annon-guy2/777553195594661888/nights-dreams-dreams-theme-poll?source=share

I do. The original Dream Dreams Adult version is a classic. A baseline if you will. It's hard to say anything about it because, like "That's it. That's the song, that's what it sounds like." It's soft and warm but peppy. The love song aspect comes through a lot more in the adults' version across the series and the vocal performance sells it.

The original kids version is probably the weakest performance. Child vocalists can have unpredictable voices and have a hard time hitting certain notes. Unfortunately I think the female performance in both Kids versions is a little weak because the high notes feel much more like a falsetto with them than the boys. But they're trying their best damn it, and the kid versions in each game really sell the friendship side. The first NiGHTS game is told to us rather than shown for the most part so the songs are actually a lot more important in the first game, I think. Both games have a lot more of a subtle arc for the characters, but I think the growth between Claris and Elliot is a lot more subtle.

The A-Capella cover is definitely the most unique of all the different versions. The vocals are rich and the soul and choir styling are just completely different to everything else. Absolutely stellar performances but the lack of music actually makes me miss the piano parts and the flute riff a lot. Apart from that, the only other weakness to the song is that it... comes from outside the characters. I would buy it as something that could be sung in their universe since the original NiGHTS had a Christmas version and its lyrics are vague enough that it could definitely be seen as love toward a higher being if you squint. But in my opinion, Dream Dreams exists in both games as a song between the two dreamers who got to experience an incredible amount of emotional intimacy by sharing a dream and fighting evil together. While I could see an argument to be made that the third version is to include NiGHTS themself, and while I love NiGHTS as a character, NiGHTS seems more to be a sort of facilitator for the dreamers. NiGHTS isn't exactly the main character in either game. NiGHTS just gives the dreamers the power to battle against Wiseman and face their fears but he doesn't really change or grow that much because his main problem is that if Wiseman gets his way, NiGHTS can't stay free. NiGHTS is a deuteragonist in their own games. The kids are the protagonists. And the A-Capella cover isn't diegetic becaise there's no real way for it to be from them or about them because the performance is so different.

Sweet Mix and the guitar synth is just stellar. It somehow manages to be Christmas-y without sleigh bells?! It has those classic "winter song" bell beats but with synth? The only nitpick is that super-aggressive "WOO" in the cheering track they used. The returning adult vocals set it back firmly as an in-universe thing, and I would argue that the "call" in the background that is also found in Cruising Together and Growing Wings in Journey of Dreams is specifically there to include NiGHTS. In some ways I almost prefer Cruising Together over Dream Dreams even though they're the same melody in a different arrangement because it includes that call.

Journey of Dreams is just... better in my opinion? The vocal performances are improved across the board for me. Child Helen's vocals are still the weakest link but they selected voice actors that could compliment that sort of warble, squeaky voice she can have when she sings from her head and not her chest. Still a big improvement over the original female child vocals for Clarice.

It's hard to talk about the first four versions individually, since they're all written to relate to and segue into each other. I will say that the individual kids' versions have the amazing benefit of getting to hear the adult and child counterparts duet which not only sells the unspoken narrative that Helen and Will are going to stay friends (or maybe become more) and will grow into people who still care for and appreciate each other, but it lets you hear the vocalists mesh together with each other in unique ways and honestly I think the adult vocal performances shine here more than in the adult version of the song. The songs exist to be blended together into one in various ways. Two Dreamers, two timelines, the now and the future, combining, but never quite one, a duet across the years. It's just a beautiful song about friendship, love, teamwork, and the Journey of Dreams version of the song just sells that across the board with the first four.

The Located Link version is just so bouncy with the synth and music box sound. The track has a sort of "starting a skype call" quality with those ring jingles you get to indicate that you're waiting for someone on the other end to pick up. I was a kid with bad internet and no gamer friends in the same time zone so I never got to hear this version in regular gameplay but I presume it was there when trying to connect with another player across the internet. I remember the Nightopian garden was meant to have a feature like the chao garden where you could interact with other players and their Nightopians. Song fits that very well. (Also, SilvaGunna is known for this, but for real, the remix of the song he made has no right to slap so hard but it does. As with every song parodied and remixed. XD)

Sweet Snow has got to be my favorite version of all though. Once again, winter-y without bells. Like. The bells come in and just make it extra wintery, but it already has that with just the chimes and synth. It's just extra slow and dreamy. Exceptionally tender. The only issue I have is that I do miss the duet with the male vocals. If there was an arrangement of the sweet snow version that kept the adult duet aspect, it would be perfect.

[edwad]

it’s not that you think marx should be read primarily as an economist. it’s that your project of contextualizing marx in terms of the economic thought that both predates and follows him is valuable, but it runs up against hard limits in terms of both explanatory power and ability to generate practice that you can only solve by situating marx in the context of the actual political movements that both produced and drew from him and the concrete actions that resulted (cont.)

you wont find the key to a systemic analysis of capitalism purely in the realm of ideas, whether they be economic, philosophical, or political, you need to connect your analysis to some sort of concrete political reality for it to have any teeth. sure, no movement has succeeded at ‘achieving communism’ but they have made undeniable gains in the anti-colonial struggle and general social welfare (cont.) the latter thing, despite what you say frustratingly often, is not simply reducible to social democracy, and it shows how little understanding you have of the actual material history (as opposed to ideological), that you think western social democracy is comparable to the social welfare achievements of socialist countries, and that’s without even taking to account that the former is directly predicated on imperialism and neo-colonial exploitation of the global south

im finally getting around to this 3-message wall of text which i should realistically ignore because its not really productive and its clear by the end that youre just typing your frustrations at me, but it gives me a chance to say a bit more about a particular angle of what im doing with marx.

you say:

"your project of contextualizing marx in terms of the economic thought that both predates and follows him [...] runs up against hard limits in terms of both explanatory power and ability to generate practice that you can only solve by situating marx in the context of the actual political movements that both produced and drew from him and the concrete actions that resulted"

what limits? and what explanatory power is lost here? you dont say, although your immediate pivot toward the need to "generate practice" implies that youre suggesting some sort of practice-oriented information. frankly, i dont really understand why this enters here. if marx is totally wrong (which is further than i would go!) and nothing can be salvaged from him whatsoever, you would be upset because this critique of him wouldnt generate immediate practice? on what grounds could that desire for practice even be justified? marxist ones? some new, un-marxist one which can only come out of this (assumed to be, for sake of argument) successful critique of marx which still, for some reason, is immediately interested in the development of practice (sounding an awful lot like marxism btw)? or is your problem simply that it fails to account for actual marxisms after marx? if its the last option, then thats a non-criticism if part of my point is that i am trying to say something new about marx. the fact that he might've been received otherwise would only work as a refutation of my criticism if it weren't a necessary part of the criticism itself (ie, id be wrong for agreeing with myself).

whichever one of these it is, it misses the point. however it works as a segue to what i imagine you really want to talk about, which is concrete struggles. your initial way of getting there is to try and make me reckon with a proper contextualization of marx in his political environment as well as those he influenced. the latter, as ive just said, isn't necessarily damning (because it is part of my point), but the former is definitely worth lingering on.

so you say in your second message

"you wont find the key to a systemic analysis of capitalism purely in the realm of ideas, whether they be economic, philosophical, or political, you need to connect your analysis to some sort of concrete political reality for it to have any teeth"

you seem to think i fail to do this. ironically, i see my chief criticism of marx to be that *he* fails to do this. he tries to identify the development of political economy out of patterns of class struggle, but he constantly gets the facts wrong on both counts. yet even if we could take him at his word and assume he got all of these things right (which is definitely necessary for coming to terms with the nature of marx's project as he saw it), then i would argue that he actually saw his political environment as being shaped, in large part, by the reception of political economy in the workers' movement. this is already clear from the radical/popular economic literature which, in his eyes, arose and declined alongside (and, to some extent, within) the ricardian school, which is why he deals with it at length in theories of surplus value (in a deliberately historical mode, for the record). the socialist appropriation of economic categories to explain the ills of capitalism is something which animates much of his work beginning in the 40s. for example, in the poverty of philosophy, he announces at the outset that he aims to "protest" the "double error" of seeing proudhon as a "good German philosopher" or "one of the ablest French economists" on the basis of marx's being both german and an economist. this goes to show the economic terrain of marx's approach to his socialist rivals and how significant the economic angle was to him and to the movement around him more broadly. the critique of his rivals (especially proudhon) as economic thinkers appears again in capital, as william clare roberts has demonstrated in his work.

but also, at a different level, he very deliberately intervenes in engels' anti-dühring by contributing a single chapter which is *specifically* designed to take dühring to task for his critical history of political economy, in large part (as reading the text makes obvious) because marx alleges that dühring gets the history wrong. this was because, among other things, dühring's work was having a large influence on the german socialist movement and several of marx and engels' peers. this wasn't some apolitical intervention, it had meaningful stakes for marx's practical work. clearly, the critique of political economy and the ability to properly account for the history of economic thought was politically significant for both marx and the socialist movement around him. if i am being accused of over-estimating this angle, then that would only serve as another criticism of marx himself.

however, you continue (or, really, you pivot entirely, but you continue talking)

"sure, no movement has succeeded at ‘achieving communism’ but they have made undeniable gains in the anti-colonial struggle and general social welfare[.] the latter thing, despite what you say frustratingly often, is not simply reducible to social democracy, and it shows how little understanding you have of the actual material history (as opposed to ideological), that you think western social democracy is comparable to the social welfare achievements of socialist countries, and that’s without even taking to account that the former is directly predicated on imperialism and neo-colonial exploitation of the global south

this has absolutely nothing to do with what im dealing with here, and its bizarre of you to include it in the first place, not least because you seem to think that by me criticizing communists around me for not having a political horizon capable of overcoming social democracy, that i am overly critical of socialist experiments in the 20th century for feeding themselves. if anything, i think the point of political theory should be to achieve the greatest possible "good" (whatever that might be taken to mean) for the greatest majority of people. despite their obvious flaws, i count the 20th century socialist experiments as among the greatest examples of social organization ever achieved and if communism were proven to be impossible tomorrow, i would be a dogmatic social democrat (ive actually said this for years).

im not the cartoonish ultra leftist that some of you think i am, as if i care more about establishing some magical bar for communism than i do about the people who are supposed to reach it and live in it. i dont say any of those things "frustratingly often", and youre unable to correctly attribute my own views to me, which i think is pretty telling. if anything, the things i try to talk about here dont stem from an allergy to anything less than whatever perfect ideal i might hold in my head, its out of a frustration with communists who dont even recognize that they might as well be social democrats. thats not necessarily an insult (ive worked with a lot of good social democrats in my life and will continue to do it as long as it produces worthwhile results), its just supposed to clarify the stakes and what i see as the limits to their analysis of the system (which ought to matter to them, even if i dont get much out of it!).

my focus on the history of economic thought as it relates to marx's critique of political economy, is admittedly pretty far removed from some of this stuff, but i dont take that distance between the two as a problem of my ability to reckon with the global south or the success-rate of communist movements around the world, i take it as an issue which only results from the overexertion of your stretched criticism to try and get me to talk about something else. next time you want my opinion on something other than what im posting about, you can just ask!

[wolvesofinnistrad]

On AO3

Chimney is standing in front of Buck and Eddie who are, for some insane reason, trying to do wedding planning At the fire station.

"So, things going well?" He asks, trying to segue into his real question. They're barely paying attention and just mumble sounds of ascent. "Decided, uh, who your best men are gonna be yet?"

That makes them look up, and at the same exact time Buck and Eddie both say "Tommy!"

The fiances look at one another and again in unison say "Tommy can't be your best man, he's my best man."

"He was my friend first," Eddie challenges.

"He was my Boyfriend," Buck counters.

Eddie laughs, "that's literally a point for me."

Buck gives him a look, "ok so my ex can't be my best man, but its alright for him to be your best man?"

"Ok well when you put it like that it sounds weird."

Buck throws up his hands, "fine, fine, I'll pick someone else."

Chimney is just about to interject when Eddie says "why don't you ask Bobby?"

"Bobby is giving me away already, he can't be my best man too."

"Giving you away?" Eddie says, confusion etched in his features. "You aren't a bride Buck."

Buck smirks, "exactly. There isn't a bride, this is a queer wedding, so I'm going to walk down that aisle and be given away."

Eddie looks affronted. "Well what if I want to walk down the aisle too?"

"No one said you can't walk down the aisle too Eddie. Do you even want to walk down the aisle?"

"Well...." Eddie thinks for a moment, "I don't know. I didn't realize that was even an option."

Buck leans over and kisses his fiance. "Oh you sweet repressed catholic."

Eddie pushes him off, laughing. "I am not repressed."

"Eddie it took 5 months for you to let me rim you-" it's then when everyone seems to realize that Chimney is still there.

"I'm just gonna, go, anywhere that isn't here, or around either of you, forever..." he says before running off.

Buck drops his head on the table, Eddie sighs, covering his eyes and hoping that story doesn't get passed around.

After a moment Buck jumps up with a smile on his face. "Maddie!" He shouts.

Eddie gives him a quizzical raised eyebrow.

"I'll ask Maddie to be my best woman."

"Sounds good babe."