#this isn't to try to make things about me this is a segue into “I will kill for these fuckers”

[stop-stealing-my-username]

I think there's something especially sinister about the idea that asexuals "withholding sex" is abusive, because it's such a twisted and warped portrayal of what withholding intimacy actually looks like, and skewing what abusive behaviour looks like is super dangerous for everyone.

Asexuals often have to have an even more thorough conversation on boundaries and limits than allosexuals (someone please correct me if that term is wrong it's been a while). They have to state outright "I have no interest/a very limited interest in sex" when they enter a relationship because sex is an expected part of a romantic monogamous relationship for most people. When you have that conversation, the partner knows what they are signing up for.

Stating outright "I don't want to have sex", "I may never want to have sex", "I don't want to be touched", or "I never want to have sex ever" is boundary setting, it is not withholding intimacy.

Withholding intimacy is a real abusive tactic, but it doesn't only apply to sex; it applies to hugs, kissing, hand holding, cuddling, dates, eating together, sharing a bed, etc. Withholding intimacy doesn't involve setting boundaries, it's never "I don't want to do this because I'm uncomfortable with it or simply don't want to", the intent is "you did something that I think you need to be punished for, therefore I will withhold any and all intimacy that I know you crave until you start acting the way that I want".

Withholding intimacy is about *punishing and controlling the victim*

An asexual who doesn't WANT to have sex isn't "withholding" sex any more than a straight woman who says "not tonight honey" to her husband, and suggesting that ANYONE "tough it out" is suggesting that they flatten their own boundaries for someone else and endure actual abuse; y'all who say this shit are no better than the Christians who say shit like it being a woman's duty to please her husband regardless of what she wants.

Additionally, if you enter a relationship with an asexual who has explicitly stated their boundaries and you try to ignore them, *you are the abuser here*

I'm putting "abusive" and "withholding intimacy" up on the top shelf til we learn what they mean

***Quick edit (feb 1st) because I had an afterthought that's kinda important; withholding intimacy isn't only in regards to physical intimacy (I'd wager that it's not what most people experience when their partner is withholding intimacy even though it's the first thing that comes to mind), emotional intimacy can be withheld too.

Giving someone the "cold shoulder" (ignoring when they speak, refusing to acknowledge them being in the room, etc) after an argument, for example is withholding intimacy; the intent is to punish and isolate the victim, to tell them "you don't matter, you don't deserve to be loved", and it's very blatent.

While intimacy can be weaponized, it's important to make the distinction between that and not wanting to engage in intimacy, because they are not the same fucking thing; insisting that they are blurs what is actually abusive (dangerous for everyone), and paints the false narrative of asexual people being inherently abusive for *checks notes* communicating that they don't want to have sex. As with all aphobia, the argument falls apart when you think about it for more than five seconds.

Also this goes without saying but you are never fucking owed sex from someone and this bullshit aounds like incel rhetoric.

Sorry if I rambled to the point of derailing but this is something that I have a lot of thoughts on and really fucking bothers me because it's being directed at people who are literally doing nothing wrong and if anything are far more likely to face abuse (re: "tough it out") than to be the abuser.

Anyway that's my TEDtalk

ngl I'm gonna need this site to stop right the fuck now with whatever rising aphobia has decided to suddenly skyrocket in the last month of 2023

[thegoogoomuckkk]

Will you be doing more the Club series? I miss it so much, I can’t wait for more it’s so hot.

club -> businessman -> nanami isn't exactly what you expected out of your third client. . .but that doesn't mean you're complaining

the time for being nervous had long since passed. any reservations you had about sleeping with the world’s strongest sorcerers had been shoved down deep inside; there wasn’t any time for that. between dancing at the club as usual & your nights spent with scheduled clients, there was hardly any time to spend with your thoughts, & maybe that was a good thing. there was time, however, to tear shiu a new asshole. 

“listen, they’ve already paid, doll. ain’t anything I can do about it now. besides, you’re always telling me I don’t pay you enough. I’m paying you plenty, now, aren’t I?”

“oh please, your cheap ass still isn’t paying me enough. they’re paying me,” you murmur, & he’s rolls his eyes. 

“you’re gettin’ paid, yeah? that’s all that matters. now was there something you needed, or do you just like to waste my time?”

“both,” you sneer, leaning over his desk, palms flat against the cheap mahogany. cheap, that was a good word to describe him. “who’s my sunday appointment?” 

his smile makes you violent. “can’t tell you that. just that he’s paid a shit ton for your appointment.”

“so when he murders me, you gonna sprinkle that cash over my grave?”

“he’s not gonna murder you, drama queen. I checked him out, he’s clean as can be.”

you left his office with more questions than answers. shiu knew who it was, but he wouldn’t tell you. 4 whole hours to a random stranger. you couldn’t dwell on it too long, you had a schedule to keep, & apparently so did your client. 10:15pm sharp.

this was gonna be easy-peasy, you thought, pulling the door open to the club. tonight worried you the least out of any of your appointments. a blowjob was the most mundane thing a man could’ve asked you for. 

you were sitting on the edge of the bed, cool & smooth, when the door swung open at 10:14pm.

& holy shit, kento nanami was probably the most attractive man you’d ever seen. you were ready for him to grab you by the scalp & force his cock down your throat. in fact, you weren’t just ready for it, you wanted it. giving this fine piece a blowjob was going to be your pleasure. 

“hello.”

you bit back a laugh. “hi.” you surveyed him further, attempting to look past the face & muscles—as hard as it was—suit & tie, silver rolex, thinly-framed glasses. everything about him was arousing, you were having a hard time containing yourself. 

“so, it said ‘oral sex’ on your file,” you say matter-of-factly. there was no easy way to segue into these kinds of situations, but nanami seemed like a matter-of-fact kind of guy. & you liked that. 

"that's correct," nanami replied, his voice deep & smooth. he loosened his tie slightly as he approached you, his gaze intense behind those thin frames. "but I'd like to clarify something first."

“oh?” 

he pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose, & god, even that was hot. "I know that I…paid for your…services,” he clears his throat. & you can see it in his eyes, though they’re averted from yours. he’s embarrassed. good. “but I’m not interested in doing anything that you’re not explicitly comfortable with. so if, at any point, you’re not—comfortable, that is—then we’ll stop. is that clear?” 

you nod, thoughts too jumbled to say anything. but he doesn’t like that. maybe he doesn’t argue, but you can tell, he wants your verbal consent. “yes, nanami. it’s clear,” you try to tease, to be flirty, to be anything but disturbed by how hot this guy was. the pictures don’t do him justice. 

“good.” 

he eyes you like a predator as you stand up from your seated position & take a couple steps toward him. you subtly gesture for him to sit, but he gives you a confused look. “wouldn’t you rather lie down?” 

you snort. “lie down to suck your dick?” you give him the same confused, questioning gaze. "I guess if that’s how you want it.” 

a soft smile touches his lips. “pardon me, but I think you read my request wrong,” he says. “or at least, misinterpreted what I meant. I don’t play on letting you…” he doesn’t even think he can say it, but finally he spits out: “suck my dick,” in a hushed, humiliated tone. “by oral sex, I meant, giving.” 

“oh.” 

“yes, oh.” 

you retreat back to where you were sitting, the backs of your knees bumping against the bed. yes, per your request, shiu had finally moved you to a room with a bed. he follows your movements, both with his eyes & body. 

you were. . .what was this feeling? nervous? excited? no, confused. this man was paying to eat you out. it would be physically impossible for him to be more attractive. but. . .why? why couldn’t he get a girlfriend to do this with? you can’t imagine what straight woman wouldn’t want that.

“may I kiss you?” he accepts your nod this time, & leans down to press his lips against yours. he was so big & tall. he commanded your space, forced his way into it until all you could comprehend was the presence of him. his lips on yours, his teeth tugging on your bottom lip, his hands finding their grip on your waist. you let him push you both back, until you're flush with the bed, head softly rested on the pillows, his knee on the cheap comforter in between your thighs. 

your breath catches in your throat as nanami hovers over you, his eyes dark with desire. he pulls back slightly, his fingers tracing the curve of your jaw. "Is this alright?" he asks, his voice low & husky.

you nod eagerly, then remember his preference for verbal consent. "yes," you breathe. "more than alright."

a small smile tugs at the corner of his mouth as he leans in again, this time trailing kisses along your neck. his hands move to push up your shirt, his touch leaving goosebumps in its wake. you arch into him, desperate for more contact.

nanami takes his time, methodically undressing you between kisses & caresses. his touch is reverent, almost worshipful, as he explores every inch of newly exposed skin. his gaze roams over your body, appreciation evident in his eyes. "beautiful," he murmurs, & a small wire snaps in your stomach. this was not a regular session; you didn’t have this kind of sex with…anyone, really, but especially not club patrons. in fact, you can’t remember a time in which a customer went down on you, ever. & more concerning was: you wanted him to, despite how…personal it was. 

 you squirm beneath him, desperate for more. "patience," he murmurs against your collarbone, & you’re sure the deep bass of his voice vibrates straight to your cunt. he trails his lips down your neck, between your breasts, & he seems fixated there for a while, mouth wrapped around the soft skin, sucking the nipple, his other palming your breast, & you let out a breathless whine. he slides his fingers down to your underwear, pressing the pads of them firmly against the soft fabric covering your clit. he rubs soft & slow, & you’re so deeply concerned by how good it feels. needless to say, this is not what you were expecting. finally, he allows himself to bring his lips down to your panties, licking the already wet spot covering the front of them. he hooks his fingers through the material around your hips, slowly pulling them down. 

your breath catches as the cool air hits your exposed skin. he lets out a low groan at the sight of you, vulnerable & wanting. his warm breath ghosts over your inner thighs as he moves closer, planting soft kisses along sensitive skin. you shiver in anticipation, hands fisting in the sheets.

he teases you mercilessly, lips & tongue exploring everywhere but where you need him most. just when you think you can't take it anymore, he finally, finally drags his tongue along your slick folds. you cry out, hips bucking involuntarily. he holds you steady with strong hands on your thighs as he works you over with his mouth, alternating between broad strokes & focused attention on your clit. his strong hands grip your thighs, holding you open for him. the pleasure builds steadily as he works you with his tongue, fucking it in & out of you, nose bumping against your clit. & when he decides that’s just not quite enough, he presses one finger softly in & out of your dripping hole. never pushing it all the way in ‘cause he doesn’t want to hurt you. 

your body tenses as the sensation builds to an almost unbearable intensity. with a muffled cry, you tumble over the edge into blissful release. waves of pleasure crash over you as your muscles clench rhythmically around his fingers. he doesn't let up, working you through each aftershock until you're gasping & oversensitive.

only then does he slowly withdraw his fingers & place a gentle kiss on your inner thigh. you lie there panting, feeling boneless & sated.

but he’s not done, you realize, hiking your thighs over his shoulders, burying his face into your cunt again. you’ve barely had time to recover & he’s starting his ministrations again, this time harder & faster, & you writhe in his grip, mewling & whimpering about it’s “t-too much, can’t-can’t take it.” 

your brain goes soft & fuzzy when he says, “you can take it, m’gonna give it to you.” you’re sure no one has ever taken more pleasure out of giving oral sex than nanami is right now. 

his tongue swirls relentlessly, finding every sensitive spot as if he's memorized your body. you arch your back, fingers tangling in his hair as waves of sensation crash over you. it's overwhelming, almost painful in its intensity, but you can't bring yourself to push him away.

"that's it," he murmurs against your flesh, the vibrations making you shudder. 

you're trembling, teetering on the edge of overstimulation. but nanami is relentless, his strong hands gripping your thighs to keep you spread open for him. you're making sounds you've never heard yourself make before—desperate, needy whimpers punctuated by breathless gasps.

just when you think you can't take anymore, he sucks hard on your clit & you shatter. your second orgasm hits you like a tidal wave, & you’re seeing spots, tugging painfully on his hair, nails raking against his spiky undercut, & he’s moaning into your cunt. if you were anywhere near coherency right now, you’d notice him pathetically humping against the mattress, mindlessly, too focused on your pretty pussy to actually get off. 

“nanami,” you whine. he looks up at you with hooded eyes, covered by his lashes. 

“did you want to stop?” 

"I-i–no, I just—you don’t have to do that anymore, not if you don’t want to.” it’s hard to say anything, to think after having his mouth on you, his tongue in you. but you do your best, try to sit up on your elbows .”we can do s-someth—”

"I'd like to continue doing this.” it’s so direct, so stern, but pleading also. "If you’re alright with that.” 

you can’t help but nod along, brain soft, thoughts gone. "y-yes," you manage to stammer out, your voice barely above a whisper. "please."

nanami's eyes flash with something intense, a mix of desire & determination. without another word, he lowers his head again, his warm breath ghosting over your sensitive skin. you shiver in anticipation, your body already yearning for his touch.

his tongue resumes its exploration, slow & deliberate at first, then growing more insistent. you fall back onto the bed, unable to support yourself any longer. your fingers tangle in his hair, not guiding, just needing something to hold onto as waves of pleasure wash over you. 

you can’t fathom what this could possibly be doing for him, but it’s obvious that he’s enjoying this in some perverse way; not that you were complaining. you lost track of how many times you came on his tongue, but a soft alarm went off in your soft, pliant head after a while. it had been a lot longer than an hour & a half. but with how good he made you feel, you didn’t think charging him was fair. 

regardless of how you felt, the next day, there was far more money than shiu had charged him & a bouquet of roses on your makeup table. all the girls ooh’ed & ahh’ed at it when you walked in. everyone wanted to see, but you kept the little note to yourself. it was thick cardstock paper that somehow smelt like his cologne. 

"I know roses are cliche, but I didn’t know what you liked. after last night, I'd love to know what else you like.”

crazy that you sent this, anon, because I literally woke up this morning wondering why I never finished this series?? I'm on it 🫡 did you like it? -> here's my masterlist -> want something more? ask me for it

[monstermoviedean]

the rupture is both their faults, actually, and i'm going to yell about it now

here's the thing. the breakup scene in 15x03 once again starts on cas' terms, same as the argument in 15x02. dean has just gotten done wrapping up the ghost business by checking in with stevie, then he checks in with sam and tries to console him about losing rowena. then he goes to pour himself a drink, and that's when cas shows up and starts the conversation. i can't gauge his intention here, but his actions back dean into a corner. even if dean doesn't want to have this conversation for very good reasons, cas is going to make it happen.

consider that dean doesn't know what went down in the crypt. he has absolutely no clue what happened between cas and belphegor. cas has given him almost no detail about what happened. here's what dean knows at the start of this: cas killed belphegor, and the crook was destroyed. that's it. cas reveals during this conversation that it's because belphegor was lying, using them, and planning to suck up all the souls, which is why "the plan changed."

coupla things here. one. someone lying to dean, using him, and then sucking up a bunch of souls to get power and become a new god? yeah, dean has seen that before. that is beat-for-beat what cas did in season 6. i don't think that's lost on dean. i think he's remembering right then and there how he stuck up for cas then, how he refused to believe cas could have betrayed them when everyone else had given up on cas already. and how he was wrong. not to mention what followed.

that brings us to chuck. i cannot overstate the importance of the chuck reveal as context here. dean is questioning literally everything about his life. that includes cas. chuck pulling the strings could mean chuck is pulling cas' strings too. dean is wrong about this - he's being very paranoid and it's not good for him or anyone. but it also makes sense in context because the context is horror after horror after horror.

and that brings us to mary (and jack, and ketch, and rowena). are any of these deaths cas' fault? nope! but dean can trace all these deaths back to cas breaking the trust between them by not talking about his concerns about jack. dean feels that cas has broken the trust between them, and even though it's unfair to blame cas for this whole situation, it's perfectly fair for dean to feel betrayed on some level.

snapping at cas in the moment is not kind and not fair. under (relatively) normal circumstances, dean would quickly and sincerely apologize. but right now he's at his breaking point. and i can see why he's sick of extending trust and getting burned.

now cas' response. "you used to trust me, give me the benefit of the doubt." it's true! but cas isn't recognizing that his actions affect this trust. cas is not automatically entitled to dean's trust. trust is earned, and it needs to be reciprocal. cas also needs to trust dean, and dean is wondering if cas does trust him if he didn't trust him enough to tell him about jack. we know cas trusts dean, but dean doesn't necessarily know that, especially when his faith in everything is at an all-time low. but in spite of that, cas is placing the burden here on dean, blaming dean for not granting cas his trust and the benefit of the doubt. i don't think that's especially fair either.

then he brings up his powers failing - it's an odd segue because they haven't really talked about this. this has not been made clear to dean or to the audience. then it's about dean not talking to him. can this be chalked up to lingering resentments from season 14? maybe? because if cas is talking about trying to talk to dean over and over in season 15, we only have two examples. 15x01, dean asks if cas is okay and when cas answers, dean ends the conversation. dean starts this conversation so it's not a great example of cas "trying to talk about it." and then 15x02, where cas corners dean and starts talking - just like this conversation in 15x03.

i'm not saying that if someone talks to dean when he doesn't want to have a talk, that all bets are off and dean can do whatever he wants. nope, not at all. but it's been a pattern for the last few seasons at least that dean avoids a conversation he's not able to handle -> someone else decides they need to have the conversation -> they force dean into it -> dean either walks away, beginning this cycle over, or he expresses upset, which makes him look like the bad guy.

"you don't want to hear it" may be fair. but "you don't care" is absolutely not fair. the problem is that dean cares too much and it's choking him. he's lost almost everyone. he is not able to bear it. he's retreating because he can't bear it, and then cas is accusing him of not caring at all at the first sign of dean not bending over backwards to care for cas. (as stated above, he is actively caring for sam, and everyone else he usually would care for is dead. so this is about cas)

finally, cas leaves when dean doesn't immediately apologize and talk to him and say he trusts and believes in him. cas turns and walks away. he has every right to do that, but he is an independent person with autonomy and he is making this choice. dean contributed to cas making this choice, but he's not solely responsible for it.

let's say their relationship is a bridge over a chasm. this is not a case of dean burning the bridge, though you can read it that way if you want to believe dean is at fault for everything. this is dean and cas retreating to their own sides of the chasm rather than meeting on the bridge. dean is very often the one to walk out on that bridge. this is one of the only times he doesn't, and cas takes that as a personal betrayal. but cas isn't walking out onto the bridge either.

[cecilscribbles]

From Now, Until the End of Time: An Essay and Character Analysis Disguised as Ship Propaganda

So. You guys really liked that post, huh.

This essay has been a long time coming. I've spent hours awake at night thinking about these two characters, drawn heaps of fanart, I've made Spotify playlists and Pinterest boards, all in an attempt to drown out the urge to eat fiberglass insulation. I love these two, so, so much, and I hope this analysis does them justice.

It’s just under here. vvv

The Past

Starting off with the obvious: these two have history. Bill came into Ford's life at the absolute perfect time. He'd been seemingly betrayed by Stanley, the one person he thought he could count on, he'd been working himself half to death trying to wrangle some decent qualifications out of Backupsmore, and was attempting to make a name for himself in Gravity Falls. Things weren't looking too good. He'd hit a roadblock in his studies, and he felt like he still stuck out, even in a town full of cryptids and outcasts alike. He was getting desperate. He was vulnerable.

Ford often says he wants to become a pioneer, a founding father of science; which isn't necessarily wrong, he isn't lying when he says so, but this ambition really stems from wanting to be accepted and understood. Ford is cripplingly lonely, and you can see how this profound isolation reflects in every aspect of his life and his relationships with others.

So when Bill comes along, it's everything Ford could ask for: validation, understanding, mutual trust, and someone who helps him follow his dream.

They hit it off immediately. “You can call me anything except late for dinner!” “You catch on quick! I think I'm starting to like you, Sixer!” “Perfectly legitimate use of an Oxford comma!” “Jinx! WOW! Get out of my head!” “You first.” This is the first time Ford (and Bill) has clicked with someone in years.

Ford wasn't the only one in need of a relationship like this. Bill, struggling with the guilt of destroying Euclydia, wanted something - or someone - under his control. He wanted to be revered, to be seen as something other than the bad guy. Who better to come across than a lost soul, desperate to feel chosen, to feel special, with a passion for the supernatural?

Even if it wasn’t for long, they worked. They enjoyed each other’s company. And while Bill was using Ford for his own gain, and what they had wasn’t exactly healthy, there were real feelings on both sides.

There still are.

Which is a perfect segue into the next section.

The Present

You wouldn't want to be in a room with these two, would you? They have an absolutely explosive dynamic, an unbelievable amount of tension and chemistry. I think this is because they want to believe they hate each other, but whether they like it or not, they satisfy each other’s cravings and desires. They get the itches the other just can’t scratch. This was especially prominent during the early days of their relationship, but it doesn’t end there.

When Ford needed validation, Bill flattered him endlessly. When he was in shambles after falling through the portal, hunting down Bill gave him a mission to follow. When Bill wanted control, Ford was easily manipulated. When he was bored, he was there for him to play with as much as he so desired.

All of this, and yet: they can’t help but destroy each other.

Ford spiraled into paranoia because of Bill. He constructed the portal he fell into because of Bill. He got captured and tortured because of Bill.

Bill drove himself half insane trying to get Ford to listen to him. He had a drunken meltdown because of Ford. Weirdmaggedon ultimately failed because of Ford!

These two know each other to an uncomfortable degree. They have both been at their most vulnerable with the other person. They know each other’s bodies better than their own (not trying to imply anything here other than possession, but… take it as you will). They know each other's minds better than their own. What they have is messy and toxic and strangely intimate. The bizarre mix of emotions that they feel for each other makes them so interesting to watch.

The Future

The jewel in the crown of an already delectable dynamic; the amount of potential they have.

They’re often toeing some razor-thin line; between platonic and romantic, romantic and sexual, life and death, something and nothing. There are so many ways their relationship can go, so many realities, yet they’re together in every single one.

If one thing went a little different, they could still be together. If Bill had been honest in the beginning, or changed his tactics during Weirdmaggedon, he could have won Ford over. With so much time, so much knowledge of the other person, so much… whatever their twisted version of love is, the possibilities are endless. And I think this is a pretty good place to sign off.

The past, present and future, love and hatred, pain and ecstacy, this dynamic has it all. And the recent release of The Book of Bill only adds fuel to the fire. It's so refreshing to see so many new faces in the community, as well as old ones finally proven right. I didn’t doubt you for a second.

If you’ve made it to the end, thanks! I hope it was worth your time. Stay weird.

- Cecil

[genericpuff]

I was kind of curious: What do you think of Persephone's therapy scenes in episodes 160-161?

I personally liked them, but you and many other LO critics always seem to see things that totally flew over my head (I mean that in a positive way).

I think the idea behind them was fine, just the execution that felt really half-baked. Rachel doesn't like scenes to sit too long so the therapy scene, of course, wound up being rushed in the course of 2-3 episodes (meaning she had to have Persephone dump everything all at once) and while Persephone's dialogue is handled relatively well, the direction of the scene itself feels entirely mismanaged (which is both a side effect of Rachel's directionless writing and the fact that she clearly doesn't want to do more than one of these kinds of episodes so she needs to speedrun it).

TRIGGER WARNING: Discussion concerning sexual assault ahead!

Like, let's start with Persephone's intent in going to therapy. Wanting to pursue therapy doesn't just happen suddenly, there's usually a "trigger event" to make someone realize "I need help", whether it be hitting rock bottom or even just going "I feel like I don't have the skills or tools necessary to deal with what I'm dealing with, I need a professional opinion".

Despite Eros advising her to go to therapy all the way back in S1 to address her assault-

-she actually finally goes to therapy in S2 not to address the assault, but to address... how she feels insecure in comparison to Hera who she just found out Hades had a long-term affair with??? At least that's definitely the implication.

And then of course the therapy session itself segues immediately into "Persephone is a high achiever and it's because of her mom being overbearing" which Rachel doesn't connect at all to either the SA or her feeling insecure compared to Hera (which, by the way, barely even has anything to do with her, but she didn't - and still doesn't - have the emotional maturity or self-respect to realize that Hades is a serial cheater-)

That's where the first therapy episode cuts off, and then the next episode immediately opens with Persephone writing her entire backstory on a whiteboard, so we can assume time has passed and she's talked about everything from her childhood up until this point.

Then we get Chiron asking Persephone... what could go wrong if she leaves TGOEM??

Even though we never saw any of the actual sequence so it just feels like a question that's coming out of nowhere? Like did Persephone say during that schpeel that she wanted to leave TGOEM? Isn't that something we should have seen to connect these two trains of thought?

Ah, right, because we have to get into Hades. Because this comic fails the Bechdel test so hard it can't even have a character talk about their trauma or childhood without it seguing into "well there's this one specific main character guy I just really wanna sleep with-"

Don't get me wrong, if Rachel is trying to "deconstruct purity culture" here, I can get her angle with this, if Persephone has been "groomed her entire life" to be an eternal maiden then there's clearly some thought processes about sexual attraction there that are being challenged by her attraction to Hades. But it just feels so rushed purely for the sake of getting her through her trauma and childhood problems and everything that Rachel tacked onto her backstory (in an attempt to make her seem more than just a self-insert) so that Rachel can get her back on track to sleeping with Hades, the one and only man she's clearly ever felt sexual attraction to enough to want to leave TGOEM and question her entire childhood.

And then we get this and I just-

Like first of all, again, Persephone being a complete airhead and not realizing that it has less to do with her possibly being an inadequate partner and more to do with Hades being a serial cheater who also used her as an emotional affair partner;

but ALSO the fact that the conclusion is some "eureka" moment of "you're a bad decision maker" ??? I was a fan of the comic still when this scene happened and even I went "huh?"

Like she doesn't bother to try and connect it to everything she just learned and said about her childhood and how she wants to be the "perfect daughter" who will make everyone happy, Chiron just reduces it to "oh you just suck at making decisions". As if "sucking at making decisions" isn't like, a reactionary extension of deeper problems. She's treating it as if Persephone is some "puzzle" to be solved and her being a "bad decision maker" was the answer when it's undoubtedly just one of many side effects of her upbringing. It feels like she's addressing the cough and not the virus.

Also a little off topic but-

Gotta love how we've never seen Persephone actually employ this homework from her therapist because she's constantly stapled to Hades and the only thing she cares about is his happiness. Literally, I don't think Persephone could possibly answer that question because she's never been independent enough to even learn what makes her happy - she's jumped from wanting to make her mother happy to wanting to make Hades happy but we're supposed to condemn the former and celebrate the latter.

Buuut of course we don't get her answering that question because again, Rachel can't spend more than 30 seconds on a single scene because that would demand too much writing and thought from her. So we cut to Hera having a discussion with Asclepius regarding her scars re-opening, yadda yadda.

By the time we cut back to the therapy session at the start of the next episode (that's three episodes that have been spent basically accomplishing nothing because none of the thought threads tie together in a meaningful way beyond what the audience has to assume) Chiron is conveniently wrapping things up and it's then and only then does Rachel try to actually incorporate the SA plotline that was Persephone's ORIGINAL MOTIVATION in going to therapy.

Now, the scene for the most part is fine, I don't really like how the therapy session was written leading up to it, but her describing her freeze response and how she feels guilty she couldn't "fight back" is a very real feeling that I can definitely say was well written.

My one gripe with it though - and sure, this might be nitpicky, but here me out - is this:

I don't particularly like that Chiron the therapist just found out about her patient being a rape victim - someone who's also said she doesn't like people grabbing her / touching her without her consent - and then decides the best course of action is to comfort her... while touching her.

Now I want to make it perfectly clear, it's not against the law or even the code of ethics to make physical contact between a therapist and their patient. Loads of patients have made breakthroughs with their therapists that have called for hugs and while some therapists may not be okay with it, there are definitely therapists who are who fully understand that hugs in those moments are the best thing for a person. But it's still a general boundary that is there and even with patients who aren't victims of SA, consent needs to be asked for / given.

So Chiron just... coming over and touching Persephone on the knee, while undoubtedly seen as a "warm and comforting act" by those who have had similar sessions with their own therapists or even just those who have no clue and see it on the surface level as being "sweet", really irks me, because it just seems so tone deaf to do with a character like Persephone who is supposed to be a victim of having her bodily autonomy taken away from her.

Again, it's a small criticism, and undoubtedly a nitpick in the eyes of some, but a simple "can I give you a hug?" from either Chiron or Persephone would have gone a long way in accomplishing Persephone's need for consent and bodily autonomy a lot more than just having Chiron come up and touch her leg without her consent. Please, for the love of god, let Persephone have some autonomy, asking for consent doesn't ruin the moment.

And that's pretty much it, Persephone talks about how she feels like she's tethered to Apollo, and Chiron assures her that's not the case, session over, Persephone goes outside to Hades aaaand notice how we never actually tackled that "I feel insecure because of my partner having former partners?" thing? Notice how the best we got was her talking about her fears of being an "inadequate partner" which focused entirely on her not being "enough" for Hades and being a "bad decision maker" rather than pointing out 1.) Hades' own faults in being a serial cheater that would undoubtedly contribute to her insecurities and 2.) what Persephone could do for Hades rather than what Hades could do for Persephone? It's always "I don't know if I'm good enough for him" and never "I don't know if he's good enough for me."

Yet another F-- on Lore Olympus' Bechdel test. Every single thing tacked onto Persephone's backstory is meant purely to get her with Hades - TGOEM is just an obstacle preventing her from having sex with Hades, the assault is just a framing device to show how much "better" Hades is for Persephone than Apollo, her overbearing childhood is just to show how much more "free" she is now that she's not living with her mother and is living with Hades instead, etc.

No agency, no autonomy, no character, even when it tries.

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

On a recent rewatch of s2e3, I noticed how interesting it is to spot clues something's up with the gravy basket before Ed does! The entire episode really rewards a rewatch or ten but I think this part is especially neat. For the purposes of organizing my thoughts, here's what I've noticed so far that contribute to a feeling of "something is definitely off here:"

It is so blue. Blue like water, maybe? Especially when you're expecting and noticing it, it's striking just how blue all the gravy basket scenes look. The blue doesn't let up, either - in fact, I almost think the blue filter gets heavier once Ed realizes what's going on.

Hornigold is always bringing up stuff that's just a little too relevant to Ed's situation - for example, when he's trying to get Ed to eat some soup and Ed resists on the grounds of Hornigold's past behavior, Hornigold says that "I was in a bad place back then, last time I was too much on the rhino horn." I don't think it's a coincidence Ed's also been doing so much rhino horn other characters have been commenting on it.

Part of this is surely just for the sake of adding levity, but you know how no one responds quite right to stuff in dreams? It's like how in the opening scene with Stede's dream, dream-Ed's dialogue is just off enough to notice. The way Hornigold talks to Ed reminds me of that - he's hitting enough rational responses that it makes sense and you don't notice right away, but something's definitely weird. For example, he says "I can see you're agitated" when Ed is, like, thrashing and hyperventilating and visibly terrified of his soup. "Agitated" is such a mild word to use that it almost seems inaccurate.

Hornigold flips topics to things that are probably weighing pretty heavily on Ed's mind in a way that really stands out when you watch for it. When Ed tells him about his mutiny, Hornigold seems very disinterested and then suddenly pivots to ask him "are you worried you're insane?" Ed immediately replies "yeah, a little bit," letting us know this isn't the first time he's had that thought. And immediately after that, no buildup or segue or anything, Hornigold launches right into the "I once fed a cabin boy a live crab" thing, which is probably drifting to the front of Ed's mind considering he's thinking about Hornigold and that was such a traumatic event for him. The conversation is clearly following Ed's thoughts, not Hornigold's.

We know Hornigold is Ed and we know Ed hates himself, and Hornigold is so fucking mean to Ed, even when he's seemingly trying to take care of him, like with feeding him soup. He force-feeds him and talks down to him constantly, telling him his mutiny was basic, shutting down his ideas (like the inn), dismissing his emotional reactions, and refusing to offer him any real comfort.

Really interesting stuff. I adore how OFMD has so many little details in every episode you can only fully appreciate on a rewatch!

[peppermintquartz]

I haaaaave a request!

Several ideas in bulk, to see how it fits:

- Deacon and Annie are in divorce proceedings. No one on the team knows what caused this.

- No cheating of Deacon with Rocker, but Deacon is interested, but must face his guilt regarding religion.

- A scene in the middle of the SWAT quarters where Rocker massaged Deacon’s shoulders innocently (the team is there) but could not help making a small remark like "you are not the first guy to tell me that I have magic hands"

- another scene where Hondo thinks that Rocker is the reason for the Annie/Deacon split, but Deacon gets off on Hondo saying that Rocker is a straight, loyal, brilliant and intelligent person, even if he hides it behind a facade of being a little shit. Stop on image on Rocker who heard everything.

I’m going to send this idea to Cjlouwho too, because I love her Deacon/Rocker stories as much as yours 😅😍

Some of these are already in the plans for my divorce arc fic 😊 so let's have a bit of author rambling in exchange!

So, honestly, Deacon and his relationship with religion is kinda difficult for me to navigate because I am not Catholic and I walked away from my religious practices many years ago (nearly 20 years now); what faith I have is not structured.

I'm trying to see how his faith would shape his worldview and his daily life and his beliefs, and how much of an attraction to Rocker it would take for him to walk away from all that.

Because what it took for me to walk away from a church that did offer me comfort and friendship and a promising romantic relationship was a soul-destroying grief, followed by the ugly, shocking realization that the people who claimed that God is love are not able to love me as I was, and that because my interpretation of God and God's love was not their proscribed beliefs, I was at fault

(as a segue: I believed - still believe - that as long as you are kind and take action to do good, as long as you have loved genuinely and sincerely without condition of reciprocal love, you are deserving of your version of heaven, whether it is angels in clouds or a cessation of being or reincarnation. I'm leaning towards the latter, where we relive different lives, but I also want the joy of being able to love my kitties all over again)

Back to the point: Deacon is part of his church. He has friends and contacts in the church, it is part of his family life, part of his routines. It gives him assurance and comfort and confidence. Guilt about what he does for a living and guilt about his feelings for Rocker will come into play, but organised religion for him is a boost, not a burden.

I don't want him to walk away from that, but for him to cheat on Annie is also a sign that he isn't fully satisfied in his life. I'm trying to excavate what it is, exactly, and yes sex is possibly part of it but I don't think that is the main reason.

I think Deacon may feel incomplete.

He is: husband, father, friend, son, son-in-law, subordinate, leader, mentor, instructor, boss, security, cop, SWAT.

But who is he when he is alone by himself?

Thus, Rocker.

There's not enough of Rocker fleshed out in the show so the great thing is, I can build on whatever I'm seeing hints of and expanding from that. But the Rocker we do get to see has fun.

He plays with his colleagues, he has confidence out the wazoo, he's competent, he doesn't need to be top dog in the field yet he's competitive in games, and he can be a petty bitch but takes his lumps with some grace. He is a bad singer and he definitely has heard barbs about his singing, and he still sings in the shower anyway. Rocker is so comfortable with his entire existence, like he just fits into a space effortlessly.

Maybe Deacon wants that for himself?

[sandinmybed]

big ramble about mike's love languages and how that relates to his relationships with will and el ahead!

its just occurred to me that in s3, during lucas and mike's little "how to apologise to a girl when you're gay and dont have any instincts in a straight relationship" crash course, the one thing mike did actually understand as relationship advice from lucas was "girls like presents." that's the thing he focused on the most, which was a great segue into a silly montage of lucas, mike and a very fed-up will running around the mall trying to buy gifts for the girls.

however, el doesn't give a damn about presents, not really. she doesn't really react to the flowers he gives her in s4 - she cares more about the note and what it says (and what it says does not please her.) el's love language appears to be words - she keeps mike's letters, and she's acutely aware of what they all say. she needs mike to *say* that he loves her - him showing how much he cares is not enough for el. so mike focusing on giving her presents was never going to work. his way of showing affection/love is not what she naturally recognises.

but yknow who does canonically like presents?

this boi.

continued under the cut because this got long:

the only advice mike's able to take from lucas' girlfriend apology training speedrun is the one that applies to him. mike's love language is receiving gifts. this isn't a "mike's so selfish" dunk post because hes literally thirteen and it makes sense to him that if he likes presents, el must like presents too. everyone likes presents, right? but it just further shows the disconnect between them. they can't recognise what the other person needs. (side note, el never gives him any presents or compliments him during the course of their relationship if i recall. mike isn't receiving love in a way he understands either.)

when mike fucks up with el, he needs a training course from lucas on how to fix it and he still doesn't understand what's going on (and lets not forget mike is smart as fuck, he should logically be able to work this out.) then, like four hours later chronologically, he fucks up with will. he visibly realises he's fucked up as soon as he says the infamous INMFYDLG line and without anyone telling him to, he travels miles in the pouring rain to fix it. notably, with words. will is also not interested in presents. mike isnt often (maybe ever?) shown giving him a present, but he gives will plenty of heartfelt words and verbally appreciates will. in season 4, he fights with will and el on the same day AGAIN, and what does he do? he brings el a plate of eggos, which she rejects by not touching them. they fight more, "a fight you can't come back from." and then later, his apology to will - he doesn't bring any gifts or peace offerings, he just calmly talks to him and apologises sincerely. and it works perfectly - they're back to sharing their feelings with each other and being best friends. the tension in their relationship is basically gone after that.

on a related note, let's look at what will and el do when they first see mike after a year, mike! six months. el plans a whole day together, doing all this crazy fun stuff like breakfast burritos and rollerskating, and mike goes with it but his response is noticeably a little confused. think about mike as a character - he's nerdy, a little awkward, he likes comic books, video games, movies, and stories. he's got his close friends but he's not really a social butterfly. he'd probably be just as happy to go home and watch movies together and hang out, rather than meet a bunch of el's "friends." it all goes to shit, as we know, which is neither el nor mike's fault, but it does.

will brings the painting to their reunion. will has been working on this painting for like a week, probably. he's poured tons of effort and time into it. he obviously doesn't get a chance to give it to him until the van, but when he does?

mike loves it.

that awestruck smile - this is for him and will made it. and we know mike particularly likes receiving will's art, he's been shown to have more of it on his walls than even joyce does. this is also why mike is so confused - these tags perfectly describe why mike is so messed up about the painting, imo. he likes gifts, and brings one for el, but el doesnt give him one back. but then will does, and he loves it, but will says its from el.

but this also explains why after the painting reveal, mike looks a little bit like he might know something's up.

gift giving/receiving and words of affirmation are the love languages that mike understands best, remember. so will byers, visibly emotional, has just given him an epic speech about how great "el" thinks he is, while presenting him with a handmade gift that's perfectly thought out for mike's interests that he poured hours of work into. let's not forget mike is very intelligent. i dont think he's fully oblivious like fandom thinks he is - when it comes to mike wheeler feeling appreciated, will has absolutely nailed it, and that's his downfall when it comes to hiding his feelings. he's too good at knowing what makes mike feel loved. so now mike's got to deal with will's perfectly adapted tokens of love and how instinctually easy he finds it to please will, vs his girlfriend, who never really makes him feel appreciated, and his own inability to make her feel appreciated

[thelonelyshore-if]

1k Followers Drabble

I finally settled on how I wanted to celebrate 1k followers--by sharing a bit of fun ~extra content~ with you all! It isn't quite a traditional drabble, but I really enjoy what I've come up with.

Below the cut is a 'transcript' from Perri's radio show. The transcript is taken from the night MC washed up on shore, and surrounds some 'theories' citizens have of who this mysterious new stranger could be. Mostly the goal was to be silly, give a taste of what Perri's show is like, and show Perri and Beck's characters a bit more!

I hope you enjoy <3

THE LONELY SHORE

10/11/XXXX

-

LOVELESS:

Good evening, creatures of the night. This is your host, Perri Loveless. Sunday nights are typically reserved for local hauntings and ghost stories, but we have a breaking news story! Tonight, we’ll be discussing the story of the Drowned Stranger.

SOUND:

Waves lap against shore, THEME SONG plays before fading out, segue into…

–

LOVELESS: 

Welcome back. An incredible thing has happened, listeners. An almost unbelievable thing. Only a few hours ago, an unidentified individual was rushed into Easthaven Medical in potentially critical condition. 

We have on the line a witness who would like to remain anonymous. 

Hello–are you there?

WITNESS:

Ah–hello. Yes, I’m here.

LOVELESS:

We’re glad to have you, thank you for being willing to speak on your experience. Please–tell us about what you witnessed earlier tonight.

WITNESS:

Sure. So I was just about to leave the hospital when it happened. I, uh. Don’t need to tell you why I was there, do I?

LOVELESS:

Of course not. Please, if you’re comfortable, just tell us what you saw.

WITNESS:

Okay, good. So, I was standing there in the lobby, and I see a truck tearing into the lot like a bat out of hell. Seriously–it’s like they were firefighters trying to put out a house fire, right? Clearly something’s up, so I decided to stick around to watch.

LOVELESS:

Wow. It sounds like the situation was urgent.

WITNESS:

Seemed like it. So the truck stops so fast I was half sure they’d crash. Before I know it, the driver’s door flies open. You said I couldn’t tell you who it was?

LOVELESS:

We’d prefer to keep identities private until we know more about the story, yes. Thank you.

WITNESS:

Alright. So the, uh, driver gets out and immediately opens the back door. I’m standing there watching as they grab something out of the back seat.

LOVELESS:

Something?

WITNESS:

Someone. It was a person–it was a stranger. To be honest, the person looked dead. The driver scoops the stranger up like a sack of potatoes and pretty much runs up to the door. I’m just standing there with my mouth hangin’ open, but then I make myself useful and hold the door.

LOVELESS:

What can you tell me about the stranger?

WITNESS:

Not much. Like I said, they looked like the hospital wouldn’t do ‘em much good, if you know what I mean. But the freakiest thing was that they were dripping wet. Just, completely soaked.

A storm’s been rolling in all night, but it hadn’t hit yet. I don’t know where this person came from, but they were soaked to the bone and out cold.

LOVELESS:

Incredible. What happened next?

WITNESS:

I mean–they rushed the stranger into a room, so I didn’t really see much after that. Somebody parked the truck but I didn’t stick around to see who it was. The whole situation kind of gave me the creeps? So I just…left after that.

LOVELESS:

Sure, sure. Do you have any theories about where the stranger came from?

WITNESS:

Uh. They were pretty wet. The lake or the river, probably.

LOVELESS:

Hm. Interesting. Thank you again for your testimony!

Alright, listeners, what do you think? An unidentified individual was brought to the hospital, unconscious and, apparently, wet. What possibly could have happened? 

Give us a call at XXX-XXXX and we’ll get you on air! 

-

VOICE:

Seriously? What else could it be if not the lake? Or the river, I guess.

LOVELESS: 

Hush. I’m on air! If you want to share a theory–

VOICE:

Nah, you know I don’t. I’m just saying.

LOVELESS:

Then wait until the show’s done.

VOICE:

*LAUGHTER*

Fine–fine! You win. 

SOUND:

Brief instrumental plays, interrupted by the sound of a phone ringing.

-

LOVELESS:

You’re on air at The Lonely Shore! Hi, there, good evening!

CALLER 1:

It was aliens.

LOVELESS:

Oh, interesting–I wouldn’t be surprised if extraterrestrial life was somehow involved. Tell me more.

CALLER 1:

Reverse alien abduction. 

*LONG PAUSE*

LOVELESS:

Hello? Are you still there.

CALLER 1:

Mm-hmm.

LOVELESS:

Reverse alien abduction. Sure. Do you mean…instead of picking someone up, the aliens dropped someone off? Or more like–

CALLER 1:

Stranger is an alien. Wolf in sheep’s clothes. An alien with human skin, dumped out some kind of vat into our town. Gonna steal our secrets.

LOVELESS:

A vat–that would explain why the stranger was, uh. Damp.

CALLER 1:

Alien juice.

VOICE:

*LOUDER LAUGHTER*

*choked* Juice!

LOVELESS:

*hushed* If you can’t be polite–

VOICE:

Sorry, sorry.

CALLER 1:

Who’s in there with you? Can you trust ‘em? I thought this program was safe–

LOVELESS:

It is! I’ve just got an. Um. Station assistant here. I promise, we’re here to listen.

CALLER 1:

Really shoulda warned me you weren’t alone–wouldn’t have called you at all if I thought somebody else’d be listening.

LOVELESS:

Sir, this is a radio show?

SOUND:

Phone clicks, returning to instrumental. Music plays until–phone rings again.

-

LOVELESS:

Um–hello! You’re on The Lonely Shore. The…ah, the radio show. Thank you for calling!

VOICE:

Smooth

LOVELESS:

Would you be quiet?

CALLER 2:

Excuse me!?

LOVELESS:

Ah, not you, ma’am! Talking to my…dog. Won’t stop barking. Anyway, thank you again for calling to share your theory!

CALLER 2:

I think you should be ashamed of yourself.

LOVELESS:

…what?

CALLER 2:

Nice new face in town and you’re already spreading nasty rumors! People listen to the radio to hear news and some nice music at the end of a long day. Not this filth.

VOICE:

Oh f*** off.

LOVELESS:

Beck!

CALLER 2:

How dare you! Never in all my days have I been treated…all the ways to speak to a customer…my hard earned tax dollars don’t pay you to insult me! 

LOVELESS:

That’s not really how it…

CALLER 2:

I swear, I’ll end this program! I’m friends with very important people in city hall and when I’m through with–

SOUND:

Phone clicks, instrumental resumes.

-

LOVELESS:

*hushed* can you please not insult my callers.

BECK:

She was being a major–

LOVELESS:

Please.

BECK:

*sigh* I’m sorry. For real. I just don’t like people talking to you like–

LOVELESS:

I know, but I can handle much worse than getting scolded.

BECK:

You’re right.

SOUND:

Instrumental ends, cut off by the phone ringing.

-

LOVELESS:

Hello! You’re on the air with The Lonely Shore. We’re currently looking for theories about the Drowned Stranger.

CALLER 3:

I’ve got a theory.

LOVELESS:

Excellent, please share your thoughts.

CALLER 3:

I don’t think the stranger came from the lake. Not originally.

LOVELESS:

Where did they come from?

CALLER 3:

I’ve called to tell you this before, but I live right next to the graveyard. Somebody has been digging up graves and stealing body parts.

LOVELESS:

Oh, yes–I remember your call from a few weeks back.

CALLER 3:

I finally figured out what they needed the parts for. I think it was the Hermit.

LOVELESS:

That’s an…um, bold accusation. Usually they’re pretty reclusive.

CALLER 3:

You think I don’t know that? It’s the reason that they’ve been stealing body parts. I think the Hermit’s lonely–and they’ve built themself a grandchild.

LOVELESS:

Like…out of dead people? Like Frankenstein’s monster?

CALLER 3:

Just like that, yes! You understand. I think they finally managed to create life, and now their creation is in our town!

LOVELESS:

Do you think that the creation was. Ah. Grown in a vat, at all?

CALLER 3:

Like that fool said earlier? Of course not, aren’t you listening? The Hermit sewed a bunch of bits from our lost loved ones together to make an abomination.

LOVELESS:

You’re right, sorry. The witness just said that they were–

CALLER 3:

Wet? Yes, I was getting to that. I think the abomination escaped. You know the Hermit’s cabin’s right up against shore? I think the creature accidentally walked into the lake.

LOVELESS:

Hm.

CALLER 3:

And then when some good samaritans saw what they thought was someone drowning–

LOVELESS:

They swooped in and saved them?

CALLER 3:

Exactly!

LOVELESS:

That is quite the interesting theory! It would explain the grave robberies you’ve reported…

CALLER 3:

I wouldn’t be surprised if the Hermit had killed to add to the abomination, either. Maybe the Edwards girl didn’t get lost in the woods at all!

LOVELESS:

um.

CALLER 3:

We could have a killer in our midst.

LOVELESS:

You know, all theories are welcome here, but–

CALLER 3:

Why aren’t you listening? We could ALL be in danger!

LOVELESS:

Out of respect to her family–

CALLER 3:

Her family should know what really happened to her.

LOVELESS:

Okay. Well–thank you for calling! Listeners, we’re going to go to a quick commercial break.

SOUND:

Phone clicks, instrumental resumes and commercials begin. Unheard by the listeners…

-

BECK:

Jesus.

LOVELESS:

Yeah.

BECK:

I know you believe this stuff, but that…

LOVELESS:

It seemed plausible until she mentioned Kristy. That was just. Ah…

BECK:

Dark as hell?

LOVELESS:

Yeah. Thanks for keeping quiet, though. I’m sure you had plenty you wanted to say.

BECK:

I guess, but I was being a dick earlier. I know how much your show means to you.

LOVELESS:

Appreciate it. 

BECK:

You going to be good to keep going tonight? I’m sure your listeners wouldn’t mind one night off.

LOVELESS:

I’m fine, I’m fine. It’s weird. She was pretty much our age, you know? Makes you think.

BECK:

Ugh. Don’t dwell on that shit if you can help it. We’ve had lots of close calls and we’re still kicking, right?

LOVELESS:

You’re right. Thanks, Beck.

BECK:

Welcome, P. Maybe the next caller’s going to think the poor stranger was a bunch of frogs in a trench coat or something. That’d be fun.

LOVELESS:

*LAUGHTER* Yeah, maybe.

-

END TRANSCRIPT

[perpetualexistence]

Total Drama Fic Rec Week Day 3: AUs

*rubs hands together maniacally* Oh boy do I have a bunch of AU fics to recommend to you folks. I'm a sucker for a good AU if you couldn't tell by my own. There's also some horror/darker fics becuase I do love when the teens are put through The Horrors. I've separated the non-horror from the horror for those who aren't as big of fans as I of the genre.

Face the Sun (and Fall) by Noah_about_it: An Alenoah superhero fic where Noah is a vigilante trying to hide his identity despite working for one of the city's most prominent superhero couples. It's got assistant Noah, Chref dads, and Team E-scope. Also a cool variety of powersets. What more could you want?

Shoot Your Local Celebrity! by butterflyclipped: An Alenoah fic where Noah is an aspiring screenwriter forced to be Chris' assistant to make ends meet while Alejandro is a rising celebrity who got signed onto a buddy cop movie he hates with his only reprieve being the assistant of the actor he hates the most. Has a lot of Bojack Horseman vibes in the best possible way. It's only two chapters and hasn't updated in so very long, but I still enjoyed it and highly recommend it.

Total Drama Kingdoms and why Noah hates royals by QuestionableLasagna: A fantasy Alenoah fic where Noah is a wizard handling all the behind the scenes of a fantasy reality show that Prince Alejandro happens to be taking part. These two butt heads in the most glorious of ways, and it's fun to discover what fantasy creature each cast member is! There's also mystery in both Alejandro AND Noah's backstories, so that's a treat.

The Horrors

Death Cast by Nocopops: A really good Island of the Slaughtered fic that goes over each of the deaths, and then the experiences of each of the survivors. Does a really good job of making them all feel like teenagers who just made horrible mistakes due to their circumstances. Also, it's finished! Which isn't a thing you can say about a lot of IOTS fics. This was one of the fics that helped me segue into the Total Drama fandom when my love for it was rekindled thanks to IOTS, so it's got a special place in my heart.

Despair Island by Knifez: This one's an oldie, like was made in 2014 classic. It's a TDI AU where getting eliminated from the show means getting killed. All these teenagers are on edge for some fairly obvious reasons, and that tension carries throughout the fic. There are moments of OOC-ness, but most of which can be explained by the situation, or by the author. Though uh, I will say that if you're a Cody fan, I don't think this fic is for you. You'll see what I mean by the first chapter. He doesn't get better.

Total Drama World Tour: Massacre by Pearl_Islands7: A more modern fic based on Despair Island. Same premise of teens dying if they get eliminated, though with the spin that it's during World Tour. It's juicy in a different way to have the characters know each other already and still have to choose who gets to live/die. There's also a twist that a couple of teens will randomly be allowed to live, and Chris experiencing hauntings from the eliminated teens.

@totaldramaficrecweek

[edwad]

it’s not that you think marx should be read primarily as an economist. it’s that your project of contextualizing marx in terms of the economic thought that both predates and follows him is valuable, but it runs up against hard limits in terms of both explanatory power and ability to generate practice that you can only solve by situating marx in the context of the actual political movements that both produced and drew from him and the concrete actions that resulted (cont.)

you wont find the key to a systemic analysis of capitalism purely in the realm of ideas, whether they be economic, philosophical, or political, you need to connect your analysis to some sort of concrete political reality for it to have any teeth. sure, no movement has succeeded at ‘achieving communism’ but they have made undeniable gains in the anti-colonial struggle and general social welfare (cont.) the latter thing, despite what you say frustratingly often, is not simply reducible to social democracy, and it shows how little understanding you have of the actual material history (as opposed to ideological), that you think western social democracy is comparable to the social welfare achievements of socialist countries, and that’s without even taking to account that the former is directly predicated on imperialism and neo-colonial exploitation of the global south

im finally getting around to this 3-message wall of text which i should realistically ignore because its not really productive and its clear by the end that youre just typing your frustrations at me, but it gives me a chance to say a bit more about a particular angle of what im doing with marx.

you say:

"your project of contextualizing marx in terms of the economic thought that both predates and follows him [...] runs up against hard limits in terms of both explanatory power and ability to generate practice that you can only solve by situating marx in the context of the actual political movements that both produced and drew from him and the concrete actions that resulted"

what limits? and what explanatory power is lost here? you dont say, although your immediate pivot toward the need to "generate practice" implies that youre suggesting some sort of practice-oriented information. frankly, i dont really understand why this enters here. if marx is totally wrong (which is further than i would go!) and nothing can be salvaged from him whatsoever, you would be upset because this critique of him wouldnt generate immediate practice? on what grounds could that desire for practice even be justified? marxist ones? some new, un-marxist one which can only come out of this (assumed to be, for sake of argument) successful critique of marx which still, for some reason, is immediately interested in the development of practice (sounding an awful lot like marxism btw)? or is your problem simply that it fails to account for actual marxisms after marx? if its the last option, then thats a non-criticism if part of my point is that i am trying to say something new about marx. the fact that he might've been received otherwise would only work as a refutation of my criticism if it weren't a necessary part of the criticism itself (ie, id be wrong for agreeing with myself).

whichever one of these it is, it misses the point. however it works as a segue to what i imagine you really want to talk about, which is concrete struggles. your initial way of getting there is to try and make me reckon with a proper contextualization of marx in his political environment as well as those he influenced. the latter, as ive just said, isn't necessarily damning (because it is part of my point), but the former is definitely worth lingering on.

so you say in your second message

"you wont find the key to a systemic analysis of capitalism purely in the realm of ideas, whether they be economic, philosophical, or political, you need to connect your analysis to some sort of concrete political reality for it to have any teeth"

you seem to think i fail to do this. ironically, i see my chief criticism of marx to be that *he* fails to do this. he tries to identify the development of political economy out of patterns of class struggle, but he constantly gets the facts wrong on both counts. yet even if we could take him at his word and assume he got all of these things right (which is definitely necessary for coming to terms with the nature of marx's project as he saw it), then i would argue that he actually saw his political environment as being shaped, in large part, by the reception of political economy in the workers' movement. this is already clear from the radical/popular economic literature which, in his eyes, arose and declined alongside (and, to some extent, within) the ricardian school, which is why he deals with it at length in theories of surplus value (in a deliberately historical mode, for the record). the socialist appropriation of economic categories to explain the ills of capitalism is something which animates much of his work beginning in the 40s. for example, in the poverty of philosophy, he announces at the outset that he aims to "protest" the "double error" of seeing proudhon as a "good German philosopher" or "one of the ablest French economists" on the basis of marx's being both german and an economist. this goes to show the economic terrain of marx's approach to his socialist rivals and how significant the economic angle was to him and to the movement around him more broadly. the critique of his rivals (especially proudhon) as economic thinkers appears again in capital, as william clare roberts has demonstrated in his work.

but also, at a different level, he very deliberately intervenes in engels' anti-dühring by contributing a single chapter which is *specifically* designed to take dühring to task for his critical history of political economy, in large part (as reading the text makes obvious) because marx alleges that dühring gets the history wrong. this was because, among other things, dühring's work was having a large influence on the german socialist movement and several of marx and engels' peers. this wasn't some apolitical intervention, it had meaningful stakes for marx's practical work. clearly, the critique of political economy and the ability to properly account for the history of economic thought was politically significant for both marx and the socialist movement around him. if i am being accused of over-estimating this angle, then that would only serve as another criticism of marx himself.

however, you continue (or, really, you pivot entirely, but you continue talking)

"sure, no movement has succeeded at ‘achieving communism’ but they have made undeniable gains in the anti-colonial struggle and general social welfare[.] the latter thing, despite what you say frustratingly often, is not simply reducible to social democracy, and it shows how little understanding you have of the actual material history (as opposed to ideological), that you think western social democracy is comparable to the social welfare achievements of socialist countries, and that’s without even taking to account that the former is directly predicated on imperialism and neo-colonial exploitation of the global south

this has absolutely nothing to do with what im dealing with here, and its bizarre of you to include it in the first place, not least because you seem to think that by me criticizing communists around me for not having a political horizon capable of overcoming social democracy, that i am overly critical of socialist experiments in the 20th century for feeding themselves. if anything, i think the point of political theory should be to achieve the greatest possible "good" (whatever that might be taken to mean) for the greatest majority of people. despite their obvious flaws, i count the 20th century socialist experiments as among the greatest examples of social organization ever achieved and if communism were proven to be impossible tomorrow, i would be a dogmatic social democrat (ive actually said this for years).

im not the cartoonish ultra leftist that some of you think i am, as if i care more about establishing some magical bar for communism than i do about the people who are supposed to reach it and live in it. i dont say any of those things "frustratingly often", and youre unable to correctly attribute my own views to me, which i think is pretty telling. if anything, the things i try to talk about here dont stem from an allergy to anything less than whatever perfect ideal i might hold in my head, its out of a frustration with communists who dont even recognize that they might as well be social democrats. thats not necessarily an insult (ive worked with a lot of good social democrats in my life and will continue to do it as long as it produces worthwhile results), its just supposed to clarify the stakes and what i see as the limits to their analysis of the system (which ought to matter to them, even if i dont get much out of it!).

my focus on the history of economic thought as it relates to marx's critique of political economy, is admittedly pretty far removed from some of this stuff, but i dont take that distance between the two as a problem of my ability to reckon with the global south or the success-rate of communist movements around the world, i take it as an issue which only results from the overexertion of your stretched criticism to try and get me to talk about something else. next time you want my opinion on something other than what im posting about, you can just ask!

[lovelopmon]

My Adventure 02 Epilogue Evolution Lines ~ Part 2

Part 1

If you're here, I'm assuming you have context. But if not, click the part 1 link above.

Let's start with T.K's son:

Tokomon -> Patamon -> Unimon -> Chirinmon -> Mitamamon

Okay, so fair warning, Kai and two other kids in this post share the same Rookie partner as their parents, there isn't much wiggle room when they've already been given In-training Digimon. What can you do, right? So I figured, let's focus more on the animal aspects of Patamon, rather than digivolving him into yet another beautiful variant of Angemon.

Once I discovered Chirinmon and Mitamamon, I knew they were the Ultimate and Mega stage I was looking for, especially since they're both holy Digimon. The problem was finding a Champion level to bridge Patamon to Chirinmon. My initial response was Pegasusmon, and while I do still think he'd be a perfect fit, T.K's Patamon had already digivolved into Pegasusmon in Adventure 02 and T.K and Kai were already sharing a Rookie, I didn't want their partners digivolutions to look too identical. Then I remembered Unimon, whose hair is the same color as Patamon, which was good enough for me. Plus, Unimon is a callback to the one Joe faced in Digimon Adventure when Gomamon digivolved for the first time.

Now, Kari and Hiroshi's son:

Nyaromon -> Salamon -> Mikemon -> Beautymon -> Mastemon

Now you're probably asking yourself, who the duck is Hiroshi? Remember the Dark Spore children from Digimon Adventure 02, and how one of them wanted to be a magna artist? Yeah, that guy.

Takari/Daikari fans, don't kill me! I'm just making my WIP as canon adjacent as possible, and it doesn't seem that Kari ended up marrying T.K or Davis by the end of the epilogue. Doesn't mean things can't change though, after all, Kari is divorced in the beginning of my WIP. 😉

Moving on to more important matters, Hideaki's Rookie was already decided for him in the Epilogue. And I couldn't have his Salamon digivolve into Gatomon and completely copy that digivolution line. Mikemon is said to come into fruition due to the data of Nyaromon sleeping in Salamon before re-manifesting in the Champion level. Since Hideaki is the first of the next gen Digidestined to have a Rookie level, you could chalk this up as his Nyaromon digivolving into Salamon prematurely. Mikemon's usual Ultimate level is Beastmon, who I feel will be more suited for a dark digivolution path once Hideaki crosses that bridge. Afterwards, I felt it'd be appropriate if Mikemon digivolved into Beautymon, (Beautymon and the Beastmon, anyone?) a knight appmon from Appmon who resembles Angewomon. The dark angel look it has going on is a perfect segue into Mastemon, an angel Digimon who controls both light and darkness. Seeing as Hideaki will have the Crest of Redemption, Mastemon could symbolize the embracing of both light and darkness within.

Davis' child:

Demiveemon -> Veemon -> Veedramon -> AeroVeedron -> Ulforce Veedramon

Art by @/hapuriainen, from their Digital Character Creator on deviantart

Spoiler alert, I'm making Davis' son trans because I want a female goggle-head leader for once. Is that too much to ask? Hell, while we're at it, Tamiko's Veemon is also a female. What are you gonna do about it? Trans rights!

Anyway, lol, this was the easiest because this is the only complete digivolution line Veemon has. Karn EX just happened to have the same idea as I did, lol.

Ken and Yolei's children:

Top Left: Poromon -> Hyokomon -> Buraimon -> Butenmon -> Chronomon

Bottom Left: Leafmon -> Puroromon -> Morphomon

Top Right: Minomon -> Kunemon -> Kuwagamon -> MetalLifeKuwagamon -> GrandisKuwagamon

I took Karn EX's idea for a Hyokomon evolution with Inori (their oldest daughter), and thank God for the video, I was originally gonna give her a Hawkmon and try to differentiate it from Yolei's Hawkmon. I have no other notes, it's perfect.

For the youngest baby girl, Kotone, I figured to give her a different In-training Digimon from her brother. Since in the WIP, Kotone's only four, there won't be much of her and her partner adventuring in the Digital World, so for a while they'll just be Morphomon (until the time skip 😉).

And for the only boy, the middle child, Renjiro, I did take Karn EX's idea of using Kunemon, but decided on a different digivolution past the Rookie stage. Kuwagamon is a callback to the very first episode of Digimon Adventure. As for the Ultimates and Megas, there aren't many options without having overlap and while I was very tempted to use BranchoStingmon, I felt that would be a better suited Mega for Ken's Wormmon.

Last, but not least, Cody's daughter:

Upamon -> Tapiramon -> Rhinomon -> Mammothmon -> Goddramon

I literally came up with this yesterday. Prior to yesterday, had you asked me about which was my least favorite, I would've said it was my original digivolution line for Cody's daughter, Akira. Now, it's one of my favorites.

Upamon to Tapiramon seemed plausible, and I originally wanted to use Goddramon as the Mega, but once again, the problems I had were with filling in the blanks. Baluchimon, I still believe, is a very perfect fit for a Champion digivolution, while Mammothmon is a perfect fit for a viable Ultimate. But Baluchimon to Mammothmon, to me, doesn't really work. Originally, I got rid of both Mammothmon and Goddramon and had Baluchimon to Rhinomon (portrayed as an Ultimate in one video game and as a Champion in another, despite being an Armor digivolution) then to Huanglongmon but I wasn't completely satisfied with that. So, I got rid of Baluchimon, made Rhinomon the Champion level, and put Goddramon back where it belonged.

Tapiramon and Goddramon are nice callbacks to Digimon Adventure Tri (with Mammothmon being a callback to the one Sora and Garudamon faced in Digimon Adventure). The fact that they're both holy Digimon is also a subtle reference to Shakkoumon, a rumored ancient angel Digimon and a DNA Digivolution between Angemon and Ankylamon from Digimon Adventure 02. The gold armor on Rhinomon also resembles Armadillomon, Ankylamon, and Digmon.

Next post will probably either be about what my takes on the families/careers are for the Epilogue, what I think the full digivolution lines are for Davis, Yolei, and Cody (and what their crests would be), or my ideas for a Frontier sequel.

[wolvesofinnistrad]

On AO3

Chimney is standing in front of Buck and Eddie who are, for some insane reason, trying to do wedding planning At the fire station.

"So, things going well?" He asks, trying to segue into his real question. They're barely paying attention and just mumble sounds of ascent. "Decided, uh, who your best men are gonna be yet?"

That makes them look up, and at the same exact time Buck and Eddie both say "Tommy!"

The fiances look at one another and again in unison say "Tommy can't be your best man, he's my best man."

"He was my friend first," Eddie challenges.

"He was my Boyfriend," Buck counters.

Eddie laughs, "that's literally a point for me."

Buck gives him a look, "ok so my ex can't be my best man, but its alright for him to be your best man?"

"Ok well when you put it like that it sounds weird."

Buck throws up his hands, "fine, fine, I'll pick someone else."

Chimney is just about to interject when Eddie says "why don't you ask Bobby?"

"Bobby is giving me away already, he can't be my best man too."

"Giving you away?" Eddie says, confusion etched in his features. "You aren't a bride Buck."

Buck smirks, "exactly. There isn't a bride, this is a queer wedding, so I'm going to walk down that aisle and be given away."

Eddie looks affronted. "Well what if I want to walk down the aisle too?"

"No one said you can't walk down the aisle too Eddie. Do you even want to walk down the aisle?"

"Well...." Eddie thinks for a moment, "I don't know. I didn't realize that was even an option."

Buck leans over and kisses his fiance. "Oh you sweet repressed catholic."

Eddie pushes him off, laughing. "I am not repressed."

"Eddie it took 5 months for you to let me rim you-" it's then when everyone seems to realize that Chimney is still there.

"I'm just gonna, go, anywhere that isn't here, or around either of you, forever..." he says before running off.

Buck drops his head on the table, Eddie sighs, covering his eyes and hoping that story doesn't get passed around.

After a moment Buck jumps up with a smile on his face. "Maddie!" He shouts.

Eddie gives him a quizzical raised eyebrow.

"I'll ask Maddie to be my best woman."

"Sounds good babe."

[affluent-havoc]

Back from playing some Chapter 2 of THH and my gooooosh. I'm trying so hard to take Byakuya seriously and I have at some moments. At the same time though, it's so haaaard! He's so dweeby looking and I know the narrative is trying to make me be intrigued and like "OOooOOO look at this mysterious guy being all mysterious and sinister." But, I just can't! At least not now. Feel I might feel something else once I actually get to the trial (even though I know exactly what's going to happen). For now though, he's just too stupid looking for me to be intimidated in any way. It doesn't help that any messed up stuff he's said so far isn't like, bad?? Sure, making Chihiro cry isn't exactly something one should be proud of him for. How dare he make Chihiro cry! Shame on him! At the same time though, it's more of just like "We be in a killing game" and "Friendship isn't magic, gang". In some ways, he does have a point despite how awful it sounds too. Additionally, sometimes I feel he could just be a lot meaner and he's oddly tame despite this being the doomsday chapter for any Byakuya fan. Maybe it's because with all the fan works I've seen where he's honestly way worse than in canon, anything he says that might've been remotely extreme just feels null to me. Also, again, most stuff is more or less just him affirming the situation their in, how much he's not planning on being buddy-buddy with everyone, and how he sees himself as superior. It also doesn't help with how dramatic the music is (which I am so down for ngl. I'd head bang if I could) which is signaling how "super awful" he's being. Though it just seems a bit too much when he's not being horrendously despicable. And, don't get me wrong! I'm not happy with him! Just shaking my head as he drags Makoto along while being all annoying whenever I click something that isn't the thing he wants me to look at. Like, don't yap at me when I'm looking around in the library that YOU dragged me to, Mister! Half of the extension cord is CLEARLY missing!! And, damn. He just seems like some whiny petulant brat bossing Makoto around honestly. So goofily though cus I know what happens in the chapter and I know what he knows and the way he's pulling Makoto along like he's so proud of his handiwork. He's such a nerd. Such a dweeb. Like, that scene when the group are worried about where the hell he is when he was just chilling in the library. For one, man sounded so damn calm talking to Makoto. Not even a hint of being pissed or anything at the beginning. Just kinda matter-of-fact with a slight bit of sass. But also, once he really started being shitty like, it just felt so DUMB! Like how everyone around him was like "Damn. He's smiling so creepy" but, for one, how am I do judge something I'm not allowed to see? Not like they gave him a CG of that said sinister smile. Also, every time I attempt to visualize it it just gets worse. Cus I KNOW he can be cool to me and kinda bad ass and even a bit sinister too! I know he's capable of it! But it's just not clicking with this dialogue for me. Every attempt my brain makes to think of him with a sinister smile just makes me laugh from how dumb and uncool he looks even though he probably thinks he's hot shit while being all pompous like that. Another thing I want to mention, and I have no way to segue into this, but when Byakuya said he was "having fun" with the killing game DAMN IT! It so goofy of him to say he's having fun while his sprite screams constipated energy. And, to top it all off, he's not going to get any better in the sense of "Byakuya being so cool and calculating" once Chapter 2 ends. And, in a way, I like that. If only Mondo and Aoi were allowed by the narrative to beat him up more. Such a shame u_u

[genericpuff]

So I have a question is hades telling Persephone his trauma with kronos trauma dumping? I see this word tossed around alot I just want to know if this was an example

It depends on which scene. If you're talking about the one early in S2 where Hades shares what happened to him with Persephone, that one's kind of a combination of lovebombing and trauma dumping + trauma bonding. And the reason I say that is because he basically takes away Persephone's moment to be vulnerable and talk about her own trauma and turns it into something about himself. Which he does a LOT in LO.

Like, this all happens after she's JUST revealed her side of the Act of Wrath and the events that led up to it (particularly involving her childhood) and Hades segues it into talking about himself.

Of course, that's after he shows her the tape of HER memories that he got without HER consent.

But of course Persephone's fine with it because she's not allowed to realize that her future husband might be a creep.

Anyways, it does seem like Hades is trying to "repay" Persephone for telling him her backstory, but that just doesn't work all that well here because it just comes across as insensitive. She's barely had any of her own time to reflect on the events that occurred VERY recently (though the timeline is unclear, know that Persephone was 19 when she moved to Olympus and the Act of Wrath had to have happened shortly before because she was clearly a young adult) and now she has to sit through listening to his baggage from 2000 years ago.

Like, this man has had two thousand years to talk to someone about this. But of course, it's the pink cinnamon roll girl that he met at a party and has known for TWO WEEKS who gets him monologuing about himself and trauma dumping.

And it's trying so hard to be painted as romantic, but really, it's just another case of Hades love-bombing Persephone.

This kind of dialogue is used in romance novels a lot but when you actually condense the timeline and understand that this 40+ year old man has only known this 19/20 year old girl for two weeks, it comes across as less romantic and more like he's just manipulating her. This is a VERY common tactic used by abusers and groomers (*note: this is a blanket statement that does not apply to all relationships) where they'll make the victim believe that they're just that special, that important to them, that they would tell them things they've "never told anyone before." Maybe this would happen in a relationship between two people that's been going on for a while, but someone you've only known for two weeks and you're still trying to get with? It's a bit more of a red flag there.

Meanwhile I'm staring at LO like, you're trying to convince me this man has never talked about his trauma ONCE? Not even with Hera, who he HASN'T EVEN TOLD PERSEPHONE HE'S BEEN IN A LONG-TERM AFFAIR WITH? Never mind the fact that he wasn't the only one who went through what he did, you're telling me he's never talked about it to anyone, in 2000 years? That's a load of baloney. The man needs a therapist, not a girlfriend.

And this isn't the only time Hades uses his trauma as a way to either trauma bond with Persephone OR to make excuses for his own actions. I can think of no better example than when Persephone finds out about his affair with Hera.

He makes the topic about Hera and her trauma. She does not know Hades is talking about this. She hasn't given him consent to tell Persephone about this. Hades is saying ALL this to get to the final point of: "I was in an affair with Hera because Hera and I were both traumatized and Zeus just couldn't understand that." (never mind the fact that Hades is also dismissing everything Zeus went through here just because Zeus doesn't have physical scars like Hera and Hades do, which is... ick.)

And then he goes off even MORE about his experience being sentenced down to the Underworld and eating the pomegranate and yadda yadda yadda the man literally will not shut up. Persephone at this point has opened up to him about her trauma once across the course of like, two episodes (and he doesn't even know about the SA yet!) and meanwhile Hades gets MULTIPLE episodes to talk about how sad and lonely he's been his whole life.

(he also thinks therapy is pointless because of course he does:)

He doesn't take any real accountability here for his actions. He doesn't take accountability for lying to Persephone about his affair with Hera. He doesn't take accountability for lying to Zeus - her husband and his BROTHER - about the affair for centuries, and he still doesn't know. And this is one of the first signs (chronologically) that Hades makes it a habit to form his relationships off trauma bonding and love-bombing.

(I'm so sad for Minthe here now in hindsight because she's literally telling Persephone that Hades is a chronic love-bomber but then she never connects that she should stop fighting with Persephone over Hades because of this. Like in any other comic, Minthe would be warning Persephone, not trying to get Persephone out of the picture so she can get Hades back.)

So yes, I would say Hades is absolutely trauma-dumping when you take into account the fact that he seems to be using it as a form of love-bombing and trauma bonding, and the fact that the comic spends way more time justifying his horrible actions through his trauma, while Persephone's trauma which is an ACTIVE PLOT POINT in her character arc and the comic, gets shoved off to the wayside so it can take a backseat to Hades' 2000 year old baggage. Screw what the women are going through, the man's talking.

That said, don't get me wrong, Persephone's still a horrible person who uses her trauma as an excuse for her actions too, but that's for another post.

In the meantime, have this great video about love bombing:

[songmingisthighs]

Genesis

introduction pt. i | pt. ii | pt. iii

<< previous | m.list | next >>

ch. xvii - meet up

fashion mogul!mingi × reader

buy me coffee ?

things aren't always what it seems but when even the truth is left unheard, what can people do? one musn't lie but what if the lie is more accepted than the truth? the scariest thing in this world isn't monsters or demons. it's people with no agenda and time to waste.

It wasn't hard to spot Mingi, really. Even in regular outfit, he stood out. Maybe it was because of his towering height, model-like posture, or just the fact that his hair is pink. But although he was in a simple t-shirt and jeans, he looked so out of the ordinary.

When he jogged to you with a bright smile on his face, you can see people's eyes were following his movements but he didn't seem to care. Well, maybe despite his status, he isn't one to easily get the star syndrome. That's a green flag.

"I see you've got your food," he pointed out as he plopped himself on the seat across yours with his hand placing the order call system device on the table. You simply shrugged after taking a bite out of your croissant, "I'm still hungry and I thought I could've finished before you got here," you stated. At that, his shoulders dropped, "You paid for yourself? I told you I was going to pay for you because this is a meeting that I initiated," he whined. It shocked you that a man as big as your friend Yunho could be so... childish and not look petulant. "Well," you were cut off by him sighing and shaking his head, however, unable to even give your response, "Yeah, I know, you can pay for yourself, but still, I feel bad." Usually, you'd take offense in a man trying to assert his position on you, but you honest to god didn't feel like Mingi was trying to assert anything. He was genuinely just this unappologetically nice guy.

Clearing your throat, you immediately took the pause as a segue for the actual conversation Mingi had requested, "So, what did you want to talk about? You're not asking me for money, are you?" You raised an eyebrow, wanting to see how he'd react to your question. Surprisingly, Mingi chuckled and waved his hands quickly, dismissing your notion, "No! Not at all, not like that, please!" And there it is, he was going to tell you how much money he has. "My mom would have my head after she dragged me by my ears for even considering borrowing money from a stranger. She wouldn't even let me borrow a crock pot from my friend Wooyoung and the impulsive shopper of a bastard has three! Before I knew what happened, she had already shipped a crock pot to my doorstep im an hour. I honestly don't know how she does that," He laughed. You were honestly stunned at his words. Stunned enough that the stiff business barrier you had on melted away and you were left with a furrowed eyebrows and scrunched nose.

"So... What? I honestly can't imagine what you'd ask from me." Lie. You were prepared for him to ask you to be his beard. Blackmail you even. People with kinder looking face than he has done way shittier stuff so you can't really put anything past anyone these days.

"I need you to give a statement that we slept together," Mingi said.

For a moment you could only stare at him, waiting for him to continue. But he was also only looking at you straight in the eyes, unmoving and unblinking. "And...?" You urged him to continue but his eyebrows furrowed and tilt his head to the side, "And... Do it publicly?" "No, that's it? You only need me to make a statement?" Mingi realized that you didn't really know what you were getting yourself into and he actually considered not telling you what could happen. But that would be wrong. So with a heavy sigh, Mingi nodded at your question, "Yes, but there's... A chance that you'd definitely be shoved to the public's eye and probably get treated like a public figure," he ended his sentence with a sheepish grin as if that was supposed to soften the blow. But the blank look on your face told Mingi that you were unsure of what he meant. "Okay, so... I'm a public figure of some sort? I'm a fashion mogul, I work at a magazine and I have my own brand," "Yes, I know about Mens Today and Fix Song," you interjected. Hearing that, Mingi paused and gave you a surprised yet approving look. "Oh, so... You've looked me up?" It made him feel giddy to know that someone he barely knew took the time to look up things about him and his accomplishments. But the feeling was immediately shot down when you shook your head and placed your crossed arms on the table, "Nope, my friend looked you up in case you're a creep," you stated oh so simply. "Right," with a cough, Mingi continued explaining, "Since I'm a frequent target of news and gossip, there's a chance that you're going to be too for a while," the more he heard himself talk and explain, the more unlikely he felt that you would help him.

You took a moment to sip your drink (damn fruity ade because you can't have coffee that often) and let his words sink in. "So, this is some kind of a... What? Long-term thing?" you asked with a raise of your eyebrow. Mingi sighed and shook his head, "I... Don't know, I can't promise anything, actually. This is something that my team and I can't predict because my mom is fine so far, my friends are too except for one of them but maybe that's because Wooyoung bought scrap metal and chemicals from questionable places and people," When he saw your eyes widened in surprise, Mingi immediately wave his hands frantically, "No, no, I can assure you my friend does not make bombs, he just like to experiment with chemical effects for my brand's jewellery line." While that momentarily reassured you, you still didn't like the thought of being shoved into the public eye.

Mingi excused himself to get his order when his call device buzzed on the table, giving you time to mull over what he said and the possible repercussions. On one side, it was barely a favour as all you probably had to do was come up with a confirmation post that you both indeed spend the night together and maybe answer a couple questions to see if the story checks out. But no one can guarantee what comes next. It's not like you don't like to be given attention because let's face it, the majority of the people do no matter how much they want to kid themselves, but the thought that you would be given attention by the crowd you don't associate with and for something that is not your merit and in fact was a drunken decision does not appeal to you. Not to mention the length of the 'attention' people are going to give you. You were growing a baby for God's sake and the dad is with you at the moment but he didn't even know that you were pregnant. It was one thing if people know you're pregnant without Mingi in your life, but what if you gave the statement and you ended up getting followed and people found out about your pregnancy and shit backfired on you and/or Mingi? You had just come to terms with having a baby, what are you going to do if you involve the very clueless dad who's going to find out from the public and not from you? What if he sued you? What if you ended up having to pay him compensation? You have a comfortable life but it's not enough to pay whatever absurd number his high-status ass can come up with.

The moment Mingi sat back down, your mind was snapped back to reality and you blurted out your reply. "I'm sorry, I don't think I can do it." Mingi look up at you in shock, grateful that he had sat down first or else he would've definitely dropped his americano and fruit tart. "What?" Mingi so wanted to believe that he was hearing you wrong. "I... I don't think I can help you, Mingi. Truly, I wish I could but the fact is that it's just too high of a risk for me. If what you said is true, the part of me getting followed and neither you nor your team can even predict how or how bad it'll be just doesn't seem to be worth it to me especially since we only spent that one night together. There is nothing between us and I can't just throw caution to the wind like that." You hated yourself for feeling so guilty for not wanting to put yourself in a certain situation simply from seeing the dejected look on Mingi's face. Stupid pregnancy hormones. "I really wish I could help you Mingi, I do, but not in the expense of my privacy and safety."

You were about to stand up and leave when Mingi reached forward and grab placed his warm hand on top of yours, "I'll do anything and give you anything you want," he blurted out mindlessly. You were taken aback but you still shook your head, "Mingi, it's not about money," "Who said it is? I can protect you, I can make sure that until nothing will happen, okay? Even after the statement, I'll help you however way I can." It was obvious that you hesitated because you didn't move when he touched you and you didn't tell him off when he rambled on so Mingi took your silence to convince you more. "I... There are rumours about me being gay because of the people who were seen around me and those rumours only seem to make more actual gay men in the industry approach me and it's a very complicated and sensitive situation considering the current day and age and the industry I'm working in. I wouldn't have asked you if I had any other options, believe me. But I'm desperate here, I don't know what else to do." You could've easily decided to not believe him and not just because you don't know this man but also because it sounded like the lamest excuse ever. But why would someone ask someone like you, someone who had nothing to do with the industry he works in, to pull off something so obviously complicated and jeopardizing if he didn't want to reap some sort of benefit? Your logic couldn't comprehend why eh would ask help from someone like you for any other reason than the truth and frankly, you understood being in a situation that you can't control easily. He was just trying to live like how he wanted but his situation made it hard for him to do so.

Without even realizing when it happened, you could feel your resolve wavering. How can you say no to someone who looked like a kicked-down puppy? A sad, sad puppy. Kind of like a samoyed. So before you could completely give in, you said something that you know could at least change his face from looking like that. "Okay, I'll think about it," you blurted out. Mingi's hand gripped yours and his eyes widened in surprise, "Wait, really?" And you nodded with a hand up, telling him to not be too happy just yet, "I'm not promising anything, I'm not saying that I'll do it nor am I saying that I won't, I'm just saying we'll see how things go and I'll get back to you, okay?"

It was not nothing but it was not something either. Whatever it actually was, Mingi took it as a hope that he might get help for his predicament and it was enough for then. Nodding excitedly, Mingi shook your hand that was in his grip excitedly, "That is good enough for me, I will show you that I'm a man of my word!" Somehow, you believed that, he didn't seem like a liar nor does he seem like a jackass. But neither did your ex and he left you with your heart, in a million pieces, spread all over the city in places where his memories remain clear.

After agreeing to chat a little longere with Mingi, getting to know the basics about each other, you return to sipping your drink as you listen to Mingi talk about his work. Though it seemed like you were paying him all the attention you have, your mind was actually elsewhere, trying to think of all the worst possible scenarios that could occur if you helped him and most of them were centred on your baby. No matter how much you want to deny it and brush it off, truth is, you were going to have to tell Mingi about bean. And that could potentially get ugly.

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