#this isn't about only online spaces this is about something from real life

[idiomagic]

Things I Have Learned By Somehow Surviving To 55 Years Old -- It is actually ridiculously easy to say 'I'm sorry'. Doubling down in a panic, trying to prove you're 'right', loses you friends and makes everything worse, every time. -- Life goes by in the blink of an eye. Don't waste your time on stupid bullshit. Discourse, internet arguments, fighting over useless details... are just going to roil you up, make you miserable, and that time can be better spent doing anything else. -- There is no One True Way. If you're convinced that your 'praxis' or whatever is the only correct one, that your view is the only correct one, that your belief is the only correct one, only one thing is guaranteed: you are absolutely wrong. If you find yourself being smug and patting yourself on the back that you are the Only Smart and Correct Person on the internet, you are embarrassingly wrong...and everyone else knows it. -- It is never too late. It's never too late to change careers, go back to school, transition, change your beliefs, change yourself. You don't have to live like this, you don't have to think like this, you don't have to be like this. It's not too late to change. -- Life happens offline. The internet is for fucking around while you're in between real life stuff. The world of the internet is not real, it's not real life, and if your only life is online, you really need to log off, leave your phone behind, and go out into the world. Interact with real people, in real situations, without a keyboard.

-- You learn way more by listening than by talking, and people will respect you more when you do have something to say. -- You need to get out of your online bubbles and talk to people who do not share your beliefs. Tumblr gives you the impression that you are the majority, that everyone believes what you do, thinks like you do, has the same outlook on life that you do. And that is far from the truth. For example: 98% of the country is cis and heterosexual. The vast majority of people do not have fandoms. The majority of humanity cares more about what you do than whether or not you use the 'correct' terminology. -- There is always hope. No matter how bleak the world seems right now, we have made staggering amounts of progress just in my lifetime. But we've done it by showing up, by voting, by acting. Progress happens in meat space, not through discourse. Online activism isn't activism. It's the prelude to activism. If you want change, you have to put down your screens, get out in the world, and make it happen. -- The sexiest thing any human being can do is to learn, to grow, and to be able to say 'I was wrong. I've learned more now, and I'm going to do better.' -- Finding love, in any form, is the barest beginning of what a relationship is. If you want to keep that love, you have to work for it, every day. And every party to that love has to do the work. If your partner/partners/friends don't work to make the relationship strong, it's not love and it will never be healthy. -- The only limit to who you can be and what you can be is you. You can't change your physical limits, but you can always decide that you will learn, that you will change, that you will grow. You can always be more than you are right now, bigger than you are right now. No one and nothing can stop you from that, except you. https://ko-fi.com/idiomagic

[catboybiologist]

I'm gonna keep the other post civil.

But fuckit, here's the thunder dome post. Here's the poorly articulated pop off. If you want to fight me, fight me in the notes here, let's get our online arguments out of the way and then we can all go back to actual action and survival and community building (you are doing that, right?)

But anyways. Here's the fucking deranged tranny rant about how many people, including transmascs, are talking about transmisogyny:

I'm frustrated by the absolute, sheer REFUSAL of people to realize how misogyny affects trans women, and the silencing that comes with it. Too often I've seen trans women talk about a specifically trans woman issue, only to be hit with a "they hate all of us equally". Maybe they hate us all equally. I don't have a fucking hatred measuring meter stick. But they don't hate us all the same.

And so when I talked about that bathroom issue. When I talked about the annoying as fuck joke about "Oohh look at me I'm a big hairy trans man going into the woman's room where the transphobes want me!" And I told trans men to stay out of it for a moment. It came from a place of "for the love of fucking God let trans women talk FOR FUCKING ONCE without being talked over here". The sheer impossibility to convey the idea that women's spaces are the ones policed was fucking infuriating. People pointed out the example of a trans man being arrested in a bathroom- failing to mention that IT WAS A WOMANS RESTROOM!!!

And I just. I don't fucking know. Somewhere along the way, trans men also started claiming "erasure" and "lack of representation" as uniquely transmasc issues that trans women will never know and I'm like ???? Where the FUCK are you seeing these waves of genuine trans women voices in the media. Because I see some- and I also see transmasculine voices, in the news, on social media, arguing in front of the Supreme Court.

And then I don't see trans women. I see clowns. Clowns in dresses for cis people to laugh at. I see men in dresses representing something that is not trans, so we can be a laughing stock.

And somewhere in the whole mess, I just want to scream: FUCKING LISTEN TO US. The important point here is NOT about whether trans androphobia exists or not. It's that there is SO. FUCKING. MUCH. That trans women are going through that we can't even talk about, partially because it's so far fucking down the "Todo" list of activism.that it doesn't even seem like it matters, and partially because NO ONE WILL FUCKING LISTEN TO US

And look. I get it. Transmascs arent listened to either. I know. I've seen it happen to my friends in real time.

But no one. Fucking NO ONE. Is prepared for the sheer level of punching down and sheer DISGUST that people have towards trans women. This isn't an oppression Olympics. More what I'm talking about is that people DONT THINK TRANS WOMEN ARE AFFECTED BY MISOGYNY DAY TO DAY, and YES this has affected me in the workplace and in my daily life so this is not me being terminally online, fuck off. The sheer lack of support trans women have for condescension, discrimination, sexual violence, because we are EXCLUDED FROM SUPPORT NETWORKS THAT UPLIFT WOMEN AGAINST MISOGYNY is INSANE. My cis friends have seen it happen to me a few times, and are fucking FLOORED every time.

Many people don't believe I can get sexually harassed. Until they see it happen. People don't think that men are treating me with the sexism they treat other women with in professional environments. Until they see it happen. People don't believe my experiences with SA. Until I show them the evidence.

And I hear you screaming "Sierra that's how all women are treated no one believes women" AND THATS MY FUCKING POINT

But people are unpacking how they listen to cis women, and haven't made it to trans women yet

So yeah, sometimes it isn't about trans men. Sometimes it isn't "they hate all of us". Sometimes trans women need to actually talk.

Also, counterintuitively, this and everything in my other post are why I fucking hate TME and TMA. They completely reduce and obscure what transmisogyny is actually about. Not only do they separate trans women from being affected by frameworks of misogyny that have existed for longer periods of time, it also frames transmisogyny as a unique thing that is an inherent property of transfemmes that can't be avoided. When it should be fucking unpacked and addressed. This is super fucking nitpicky, but if I see "TME" in your bio, it's a little message to me about how you're more concerned about using the right acronym or right words as opposed to actually unpacking your relationship to transmisogyny as a societal force. PLEASE just call yourself transfemme or transmasc instead of TME or TMA. I guess that's not important in the whole grand scheme of things but fucking seriously, it just seems childish.

[aleespace]

I think it's time we talk about Burgerpants x Nice cream guy because I feel like I'm going crazy over here

For those who forgot or unaware this is a ship between two vendors, so called "Burgerpants" (because we don't know his real name) who works for Mettaton in Undertale and "Nice cream guy" (NCG) blue bunny who sells you "Nice cream"

I think originally this ship was created because people were like "they both are vendors but one is a cute optimistic bunny and the other hates his job and life... WOULDN'T IT BE FUNNY—" and so it began

But what's interesting is how Toby apparently saw it and was SO onboard with this idea that he now created an entire storyline for these two

One of the few late additions to Undertale was including NCG in Burgerpants' dialogue, not only that but also making it very clear that NCG likes Burgerpants and this affection is transferred to Toby's other game - Deltarune.

Now it's Pizzapants instead of Burgerpants and NCG is referred to as just Blue Bunny or Blue Ears but their dynamic stayed the same. Starting with first chapter we see that NCG still likes Burgerpants as he's often clings to him to the point when his behavior can be described as lack of "concept of personal space".

There's also a phrase following this one about Blue Bunny constantly accidentally pouring drinks over Burgerpants and laughing. I highly doubt it was intentional act of harm, for me it reads like maybe he was nervous around his crush or for some other reason. Toby wrote Blue Bunny to be kind so I think he wouldn't harm anyone with malicious intent which we will also see in 4th chapter, but now let's look at them in second chapter.

Here Burgerpants tells us about his new "girlfriend" he chats with online. He's never seen her actual picture and there are reasons to believe this girlfriend isn't actually real, but Burgerpants is oblivious to it as he's just happy he found someone. If we talk with NCG here he says this about the situation

Now it could've ended here if it wasn't for new chapters which completely recontextualize all of this

Suddenly it is made very apparent that this "girlfriend" was fabricated by NCG and Bratty. The dialogue between them below:

Now I don't know if this plotline was in Toby's mind from very beginning but considering it was this whole situation to me looks like this:

NCG started chatting with Burgerpants first. Maybe he somehow found out his number or found him on social media and started a conversation. I guess at some point there was a miscommunication and NCG thought that Burgerpants knew who he was chatting with, but in reality Burgerpants thought just what he wanted to think. NCG might have sent him a simple photo of pizza and Burgerpants saw it as "bikini"

This would've explained why NCG at first couldn't understand why Burgerpants was so happy. Because if we later find out that NCG is okay with lying to Burgerpants to make him happy then why would NCG start pretending to be this "girlfriend" in the first place if he didn't know at first that this would make Burgerpants happy?

So I guess what happened is: NCG texts Burgerpants, Burgerpants misinterprets it as a girl texting him, Bratty and NCG find out about this situation, NCG at first wants to tell the truth but Bratty talks him into continuing lying. NCG thinks he does it to make the one he likes happy, when in reality he unknowingly helps Bratty to make fun of him.

If this is really the case then my prediction for the next chapter is that at the festival NCG finally tells the truth and we see where their relationship will go to from this point. Knowing Toby it will probably end well but still I'm so intrigued by this little side plotline most people won't even notice!! I'm actually so unwell about this ship if you couldn't tell already and I expect something really really interesting in next chapter!!!

[glowettee]

🕶 she ghosted the groupchat & built an empire

hey lovelies!! ✨

so i've been thinking about this a lot lately... like how we're all constantly connected but somehow feeling more drained than ever?? and it hit me that sometimes the most revolutionary thing you can do is just... disappear for a bit??

i literally had to turn my phone off for three days last month because my creative energy was being sucked dry by all these group chats that were going nowhere. like, bestie, why am i reading 87 messages about someone's ex's cousin's new haircut when i could be building my dream life instead??

so here's my unfiltered thoughts on strategic isolation + how it literally changed everything for me...

✧ protecting your energy isn't selfish, it's essential ✧

let's be honest - we're all just walking energy fields. and every notification, every "hey girl, you free?" text, every random zoom call is either feeding your field or draining it. i started tracking my energy levels in this little pink journal (yes, elle woods style but make it productive) and noticed that certain people and activities were literally vampire-draining me.

some hard truths about protecting your time:

• not everyone deserves access to you

• "sorry, i can't" is a complete sentence

• your dreams require your full attention

• boundaries aren't mean, they're necessary

• your future self will thank you for saying no today

i started implementing what i call "ghost protocols" where i literally just... stop responding for periods of time. not forever! just long enough to recalibrate. it feels uncomfortable at first (i literally had anxiety sweats) but then something magical happens - you remember who you are without all the noise.

✧ digital detox rituals that actually work ✧

okay so everyone talks about digital detoxes but they make it sound so basic like "just turn off your phone lol" which... no. here's what actually works:

1. schedule your disappearance (sounds dramatic but it's just good planning) - i block off "ghost time" in my calendar just like i would a meeting

2. create a hyperfocus sanctuary - mine is this corner of my room with no wifi, just candles, my journal, and a vintage alarm clock. no devices allowed within 10 feet.

3. implement the 5/1/3 rule - for every 5 hours of deep work, allow 1 hour of connection, followed by 3 hours of integration time where you process what you've created

4. batch your responses - i only check messages twice daily now (12pm and 6pm) and i use templates for most replies which sounds cold but actually gives me more energy for meaningful conversations later

5. practice saying "that doesn't work for me" without explaining yourself - hardest thing i've ever done but most rewarding

✧ hyperfocus rituals that built my empire ✧

the truth that nobody tells you is that success isn't grinding 24/7... it's protecting your focus like it's the most precious resource on earth (because it literally is).

my non-negotiable focus rituals:

• morning pages but make them strategic - i write 3 pages about my vision every morning before touching my phone

• the 90/30 method - work in complete silence for 90 minutes, then take a luxurious 30 minute break (no exceptions)

• environment switching - i have different spaces for different types of work (creative work happens by the window, admin work at my desk, planning happens on the floor with a giant paper)

• sensory anchors - learned this from a few psychology articles online, stayed w/ it foreverrr -> specific scents, sounds, and tastes that tell my brain "it's empire building time" (for me it's this fancy bergamot candle + instrumental lo-fi + earl grey tea)

i know this all sounds intense but listen... while everyone was busy commenting on instagram posts and overthinking text messages, i built something real. something that matters. something that's mine.

sometimes the most rebellious thing you can do is disconnect in order to connect more deeply with your purpose. and yes, people might get annoyed when you don't respond right away. they might even talk about you in those same group chats you left. but honestly? that's just background noise when you're focused on building something meaningful.

your time is literally the only non-renewable resource you have. protect it fiercely.

xoxo, mindy 🤍

p.s. what's one conversation or obligation you could ghost this week to get closer to your dreams? i promise the world won't end... but your empire might just begin.

⋆ psst. i made a free workbook just for you. it’s soft, dark-academia, and full of real advice. get it here: deprogramming your trauma-coded ambition

[victoryai]

10TH LORD IN THE SIGNS(Career focused)

I already wrote on 1st Lord in the signs here and 7th lord in the signs here. So I guess you understand what I mean.

10th lord in the signs is only concerned about which sign the 10th house Lord is in. It don matter here which planet is your 10th lord but rather which sign your 10th lord is placed in.

10th Lord in Aries: Your career involves "you" to a great extent. Maybe you are required to be physically present or your body is a big part of your job e.g modelling, dancing, wrestling etc that involves your physical ability and natural strength .

10th Lord in Taurus: Your job deals with money or valuables, financial security, isn't very stressful, likely to give you a comfortable life, e.g banker, store owner, jeweller etc

10th lord in Gemini: Your job brings about frequent short journeys and trips, maybe you travel often to your workplace, or work with siblings, your job is likely focused on communication and information, involves teaching or learning and multitasking too, e.g teacher, journalist, news reporter,

10th Lord in Cancer: Your job isn't really stressful, allows you to work from home sometimes, might involve lands or houses, something like real estate or house agent, might also indicate that you work with family members or you are involved in the family business.

10th lord in Leo: Your job is something fun and entertaining, involves being dramatic sometimes, maybe acting, making skits, cartoons, entertainment sector, might involve kids or working with children. Might put you in fame's way.

©victoryai

10th lord in Virgo: Your job involves routine and precision, punctuality and order, probably a job that deals with diseases or conflict, involves a due procedure and any mistake could be costly e.g doctor, nurse, lawyer, police officer.

10th lord in Libra: Your job involves working with a number of people, might be beauty focused, you might work with spouse, needs you to be diplomatic and accommodating in nature, isn't very stressful. Types of job could be a diplomat, counsellor, etc

10th lord in Scorpio: Your job probably involves valuables or belongings of other people, needs you to keep a few secrets, do underground work or deal with waste, somewhat dangerous and risky, a job most folks wouldn't take up. E. G undertaker

10th lord in Sagittarius; Your job might involve long distance journeys, teaching or learning, adventure, knowledge, philosophy, and culture. A job where you constantly have to upgrade your knowledge, work in foreign lands etc. Jobs may include translator, lecturer, professor, teacher, travel blogger, pilot, space 🤔, religious leader(is that a job 😂 sorry😭)

10th lord in Capricorn: A typical job I would say, nothing weird about it. Might put you in a place of authority as time goes by, you might be a public figure, a reputable job, you may be famous too, seems like a serious job to me( the one where you have to put on corporate wears all the mf time)

10th lord in Aquarius: Your job might be about cyber stuff, internet or social media related, maybe an influencer, might work online, programming, AI related stuff and some weird shit that only very smart people understand, unique in nature, might work together with friends too.

10th lord in Pisces: Your job might be something really unusual or special in the sense that most people can't do it. Maybe a diviner, a spiritualist, a seer, an astronaut 🚀🤔, using your intuitive gifts for work, a polygrapher or psychologist.

©victoryai

[soupcafe]

I have written and rewritten this post so many times after taking time to really gather my thoughts and sit with everything that has transpired in the last two weeks. If I'm being honest.. what has transpired the last three years of running the FindRPs server. Under the cut if you want to read. Warning: it's really fucking long. Sorry about it.

God I don't even know where to start, okay.

I have always tried to do my best to remain neutral in most situations and show a face of calm collection when it came to matters in the server. As a leader there, I believed that being anything other than that would only show instability of myself and on the rest of the staff. I always tried to make it known that I was willing to hear people out, and ready to enact changes if it felt like the right thing to do for the collective.

I don't know if that was the right choice to make, but it certainly felt like it for me, so that's how I ran things.. that's how I encouraged the rest of staff to run things. I've already said this to the former staff, but I have nothing but the highest respect for the hard work they put into that server. All of us were running that place for free, but it felt like a full time job with the way people treated us both on the server and here on tumblr.

Our goal was to provide a space for various platforms to advertise their rp groups, post 1x1s, post their resources, ask for help from their community, and more. FindRPs all started because tumblr tags became notoriously unreliable, group rps weren't able to mass fill their queues, sideblogs were being shadowbanned and deleted left and right. Why not streamline it into one easy hub? Why not make a place for a community? I've seen it said a few times now that we should have learned our lesson and not had any general chat or allow conversation at all. How fucking sad is that? In a hobby where the whole purpose is writing a story together... collaborating.... and you all can't even handle or have the civility to have a general chat.

I don't claim to have made all the right decisions, or to have said the right thing in a moments time. But things could so very quickly go from zero to one hundred there. Within minutes people would be at each other's throats and god forbid anyone on staff have a real life and not take care of it within seconds. I can't count how many times I was at work, or a family function, or a doctors office, and I get the ping that something happened but I can't deal with it right then and there. The anxiety of knowing that it will be talked about in the tags, and that if I or another staff member isn't online to take care of it right that second, we will get shit for letting it happen.

Isn't that insane? That I couldn't go about my daily life and do normal things without thinking about you all having no decorum and going after one another like children?

I was getting anxiety from not looking at the server for more than an hour or two. I don't know how in the world I thought I was going to be able to handle having a newborn and focusing on something that is going to be one of the most amazing experiences of my life, knowing that all of this would be in the back of my mind. It wouldn't be fair to my kid... to my family. And yeah... maybe that's me taking it too seriously. But when you dedicate three years of your life to this, and have been in this community on tumblr for as long as I have.. you fear the loss of it.

Don't even get me started on the lack of communication. Any blog that decided to let anons and rumors come into play and pass judgement on us with lies or half the story over the course of the server's activity... you all are complicit. No one ever came to us with their opinions and issues — the first thing that was on anyone's mind was which rpt blog can I go to. So instead of handling things like adults, you all hid behind anon and let someone else post it for you.

Because why attempt to make an actual change by speaking to us when you can just judge and bully us instead? No one ever said maybe they need some help and I should offer to join the team. But why would you... when you could see how we were being treated. When you were the one treating us that way.

Anytime something happened in that server, my inbox would fill with anon messages of death threats or otherwise inflammatory and cruel statements against me. I always deleted them and gave them no merit because what is some fucking anon going to do to me in my real life? Nothing.

This time though.. I was simply done with it. I was looking at the server, at my own happiness, at my own life and where I was being led, and decided that it simply wasn't worth it to subject myself and the rest of the staff to it any longer. All of us were preparing major life changes and were having conversations about possibly stepping down and handing the server off. I'm sorry that a few people decided to ruin it for the rest of you who never did anything wrong. I would have loved to hand over the reins to someone else and let FindRPs live on as the needed resource it was, but you all can make your own servers as you've said many times that you want to do. You can spend three years growing it to nearly 3k members of all rp backgrounds and life backgrounds and you can make your rules exactly how you want them and to deal with things exactly how you want to deal with them... I sincerely hope it thrives for you.

I'm going to call out a few specific blogs from this situation because you are directly complicit in the spreading of this. JJ (galitzined), Nan (nanschman), Xan (jimiin), Jas (snoopdoggs), Veda (nosyrpt), and fluoresceins. All of you decided that it was okay to bully. Several of you decided to say that I was subjecting Hermie, a Palestinian mod, to coexisting with zionists knowingly.. when it has always been the case that if they made themselves known we would ban them and Hermie would be the one to do it. We realized too late that we missed one glaringly obvious one and Hermie got the satisfaction of banning them before FindRPs was deleted for good.

All of us in our real lives are putting in the work to make change, you know, where it matters the most. Personally for myself, I involve myself in local and state politics and actively ensure that I am voting for representatives that align with Palestine or at the very least is not interested in supporting Israel. I donate to fundraisers when I am able. Not that I ever owed any of you a list of what I am doing... but I have always stood with Palestine. I fucking hate JKR, and was a moderator who voted to ban it in the initial rule change. (Love that some of you are trying to say I've been extremely active in the HP RPC and have proof because.... bitch where?) But you know... you all will spin anything to fit your narrative.

I said it many times that everyone on staff, every single one of us, was part of a marginalized group one way or another. Half of us were trans, more than half were people of color, I think literally all of us are queer. So you all decided that the best thing to do was to hurt members of your own communities, hurt the people that you claim to stand up for... that's incredibly telling about the kind of people you are.

Mar made a post recently that I think all of you need to read and take to heart. Many of us are so disheartened by the lack of change that we are seeing in the real world that going hard within a small community like the one here is where you can get your satisfaction — because it seems simple in a smaller space where you can watch change happen in real time. Mar put it really well, better than I ever could, so here is a link for you to read it yourself.

We are actively driving people away from this community. Some of them are warranted, but a majority of it is over the most petty bullshit that could be solved if we weren't so catty and quick to jump to conclusions.

Shadow, I do want to apologize to you. You did not lead to the downfall of this server, it was a long time coming. And I agreed with all of the resources you gave, I agree with wanting to educate someone. What I failed to communicate effectively, and I do take responsibility for this, is that you didn't need to do it publicly. You could have DM'd Lumos and taken care of it outside of the server, which is really all we were trying to say in that statement we made: why in the world are we having these conversations in the general chat of a rp advertisement server when you can just... talk to the person directly. Or I don't know... use the block button. All of you need to learn how to use that more. And you did already apologize for necro-ing it... but I believe you knew what you were doing there. Even on a laptop you had to scroll up to see the interaction with Lumos and there was no way you missed the timestamps. It was not the first time you decided to use a public space in the server to be mean to someone, so, I don't believe that you didn't know what you were doing there. Regardless of being correct in the information you were spreading, you were an asshole. We gave you a warning that the behavior wouldn't be tolerated and yet you continued to harass Lumos so consequences of your actions were to be banned. Not because of what you said or how you went about it, but because you didn't know when to stop.

I don't think Lumos has tumblr to see all of this, and I literally deleted everything from the server — I have no logs of anything that happened anymore. But we did rail into them. We told them that what they were saying was fucked up and they should read into the resources. All of us were talking about banning them anyways, but we wanted to take the time to think things through, to step away and sit with it and decide. Once again, God Forbid we handle things like adults and have real lives and think before acting, especially with all of you shouting into the tags about how we were handling it. They were getting death threats, both in their dms and out in the open in the general chat. Like what the fuck. Who in their right mind thinks that's an okay thing to do?

Anyway, we tended to handle things there privately. We preferred it that way because no one needs their dirty laundry aired out in front of 3k people, and have them weigh in on it while we're trying to handle things. Just because you didn't see anything happening on your end, doesn't mean things weren't happening behind the scenes. And screenshots are always a thing; we have never feared someone taking them for their records. I sent the screenshots to JJ because Shadow left out an entire part of the conversation. I didn't send it to "make ourselves look better" as Nan so lovingly put it. I did it for transparency.

Maybe we could have been more transparent over certain things, I don't know. But also.. some situations are simply none of anyone's business.

Anyway. It's gone now. I mourn the loss of something that I truly put my heart, soul, and tears into. I helped to provide a resource for the community who does not deserve it for free for three years of my life. I met some of the most amazing writers in there that I never would have crossed paths with if not for the server.

It's time to move on from the greater rpc for me though. I don't know if I am going to continue to be on this blog. I really don't have a desire to at this time. I do know I will be writing with my rp group and continue keeping in touch with others on discord. That's really why I'm not afraid to post all of this and let you all pick it apart. I simply don't care anymore. I'm a week away from my due date, and ready to take the step into motherhood. I'm so excited for it. My blood pressure certainly thanks me.

I urge you all to take a good hard look at how you interact with this community. I want you all to take a look at the complaints that are made all the time and have been for years now — of groups not surviving, of no one writing, of people feeling hopeless, or judged. You actively create this space. You truly want to be the change? Do better for the rpc then. Be kind, and if you can't do that, block and move on. The people you don't like and you don't agree with are going to be around for as long as they want to be anyway.

Best, Maeve.

[autistic-regressor]

Reasons I prefer to have an imaginary caregiver

low social battery - I struggle to respond to texts regularly and it wouldn't be fair to them if I was only coming to them when I'm regressed or need something from them

I struggle to make new connections - the easiest way I could probably get a caregiver is by finding someone online but I struggle a lot to build connections and start trusting new people so it's easier to stick with having a caregiver that stays in my mind

They're perfect - I love writing stories about them doing exactly what I need them to do for me and I couldn't expect an irl caregiver to perfectly predict my needs like that

They're always there - I don't have to worry about them being busy when I need them or too tired to help me through my struggles

There are other ways to find community within age regression - I love texting on agere discords, texting in a group chat is a lot less stressful and it allows me to still human connections without as much pressure

I don't have to worry about harmful relationships forming - another problem with finding a caregiver online is you don't really know who that person is. As someone who is 19 I'm slightly safer from this but I still don't want a caregiver who is secretly significantly older than me or who secretly is nsfw. And I have BPD so I don't want to accidentally become codependent with someone or hurt them by doing things like venting too much or not giving them enough space.

this isn't to knock irl caregivers but just saying imaginary caregivers can be fulfilling too :3

Also always remember that irl caregivers are real people. If you have a real life caregiver they won't be 'perfect' like an imaginary caregiver could be (always being there, always knowing what you need, not needing anything in return) and that's okay because they have a ton of their own strengths (being a person you get to learn about and grow close to, being able to physically do things with you, they aren't bound by your imagination)

[genericpuff]

Dyou ever feel disappointed (?) that there aren't more eyes on LR? I know you keep it on the DL to avoid Rachel's wrath but I 100% know the only reason it's not more popular is that not enough people know about it. You put in a lot of work that we all really love but I know the notes count could be higher. Is this something you care about? We can try to spread it more if so, but going back to the Rachel/not intruding on LO spaces point...

Ouu so that's a good question, but honestly... nah, not really. And I'm not even saying that to be "humble" or whatever, it's literally just... what y'all are seeing in Rekindled is, to me, a step away from my usual patterns and habits that I've been dealing with for years now. It's forced me out of my comfort zones, but most importantly, it's got me creating purely for the fun of it, for the self-indulgence, without any of the usual pressures I've forced upon myself in the past for the work I do to "mean something" or for it to "be successful". It's not just the tip of a massive iceberg, it's practically a whole ass detour. Rekindled is like one of those road trip movies where the reluctant stickler gets strung along by the aloof weirdos, driven off the beaten path, and winds up realizing by the end of the crazy journey that it was worth taking the long way home.

That's not to say making Rekindled doesn't come with its own unique pressures or that I don't take it seriously, but they're different from the pressures I've dealt with in the past and the nature of Rekindled being what it is means... I don't have to take it as seriously as the car crash that was my original work prior to it? 💀😆 (which I already took way more seriously than what was healthy for me, in hindsight). Like I can take it seriously as a creative project that I wanna see through, especially where it's meant to "fix" stuff that felt misguided / done poorly in LO, but because it's effectively fanfiction, I can separate it from the expectations that came from my original work. It can never pay my bills, so I don't have to worry about it doing so. It shouldn't be the only thing I'm ever known for, so I don't need it to amount to my legacy.

A good example of what I mean are what you brought up - the notes count. Thing is, compared to social media platforms like Instagram and Facebook and even Youtube, posting exclusively to Tumblr over the past couple years has been great for my mental health. Unlike those other platforms, my follower count isn't on full display to both myself and others. There's no real bearing on notes beyond clout, and that clout only exists within Tumblr - going "viral" on this hellsite doesn't amount to the same things as going viral on a platform like Twitter, for the most part my work still stays within its respective audience where it's meant to be and even if I do have an episode "take off" in notes... it doesn't really matter? Like to me there's virtually no difference between a post that has 300 notes and a post that has 30,000 notes. And I actually do have a couple posts that have "taken off" like that. It's neat but it's also like... okay, life goes on. Except now I'm gonna keep getting notifications about that one post forever LMAO

Granted, it would be different if the posts were actually intended to get as many eyes on it as possible - like if they were posts meant to generate income in some way through advertising Patreon, Ko-Fi, merch shops, etc. - but it's rare that I ever do that because obviously with Rekindled being what it is, I can't really profit off it anyways.

And that's okay! I've spent enough years worrying over the online "gains" and bearing the weight of my work's responsibility to my livelihood on my shoulders.

Rekindled is fun. Even when it's stressful, when an episode goes up late or when I'm still finding myself procrastinating, it's fun. It's neat that it now has a TV Tropes page and that there are some Youtubers who talk about it every now and then, but... the novelty of those things comes paired with the pressure and fear of knowing my work is being perceived outside of my own scope. Sure, that's just what happens when you share your work online, but even I , in all of the hubris I had to have to create Rekindled in the first place, can't pretend like I'm infallible to that sort of thing. Every time a Youtuber talks about it, every time there's a thread in /r/webtoons about it, every time someone besides myself uses the #lore rekindled tags, I have to live with the small but real consequences of doing what I do - the anons taking it upon themselves to judge me in my own inbox, the Youtube commenters forming their own opinions based on what they assume are my intentions (even when those assumptions are often false), the redditors arguing back and forth over the virtue of transformative rewrites.

It's a small price to pay, for everything that I do here. I can't very well sit here on my pedestal talking shit about something like LO without taking some of that shit in return regarding my own work. It's only natural people will have misinformed opinions about what I do, or will take it upon themselves to dissect and debate and discuss my work regardless of whether they even like the work or not. I try to take it as proactively as I can, that it's a metric of success in and of itself - what I'm making has made people feel something, for some joy, and for others, frustration. The art has done everything it could ever do, for better and for worse - it's made people feel and think and talk. Most of all, it's made me feel and think and talk, and create, and experiment, and fail, and succeed in ways I never thought myself capable before. It's more than I ever expected - and all I really needed to come out of all this.

----------

All that aside, it's not like Rekindled isn't already doing a lot in the way of "expanding my reach", so to speak. Though it is just Tumblr, I've gotten to meet so many amazing readers and writers and artists through this project, and that's at the heart of why I make comics at all. I'm not joking or exaggerating when I say that Rekindled literally couldn't be what it is without the community that surrounds it. And that's a community that I'm hoping will still be interested in hanging with lil' old me even after Rekindled is over.

Rekindled isn't my first rodeo and it certainly won't be my last. In fact, I'm currently (finally) overcoming some of the burnout that's been persisting over the past couple years with my original project, and I'm breaking down walls I literally couldn't have broken down before. I hadn't realized I had been suffocating, and Rekindled wound up being that breath of fresh air that I needed to live again.

It's gonna take time, and there's still a lot of healing happening on my end, but I'm making plans again for what I really wanna do esp for when Rekindled is over, and it's exciting, and scary, and most of all, hopeful.

So all that's to say, if you (anon) or you (everyone else) are really interested in "boosting" my work and getting more eyes on it... well, I suppose I better start sharing more of it outside of just Rekindled, shouldn't I? I hope that when I do, it's welcomed as eagerly as you all welcomed Rekindled. It'll be quite different, and likely won't be everyone's cup of tea, but I hope all the work I've done on Rekindled so far - and what we still have left to accomplish in the future - proves what I'm capable of and allows for the opportunity to really connect with my work, wholly me. Y'all took a chance on me when I first started posting those lil' glow edits and the first scrappy sketches of Rekindled back in the day, so I hope when the time comes, y'all can take that chance on me again <3

And hey, here's a fun fact for you to close out this long response - though it might not be a major platform, judging by the metrics I can see on the surface from other comics alongside it, I'm pretty sure Rekindled is carrying like 90% of the current traffic numbers on Dillyhub LMAO Like seriously, the next highest liked / subbed comic I could find on there didn't even amount to a third of the amount of likes and subs I have on there just through Rekindled. It's actually hilarious, but also kinda sad, because damn... the devs really have abandoned that place. So it's not exactly all that impressive. But that's pretty much exactly why I chose it as a mirror in the first place - I sure as shit wasn't gonna test my luck posting it to Webtoons or Tapas, and the only reason I even wanted a mirror site in the first place was to give non-Tumblr users a place to read it (without being badgered to make an account and without having to sift through all my rants and essays LMAO) so Dillyhub just kinda made sense as a place that was functional enough to host it but not big enough to draw any unwanted attention. Sooo I guess what I'm saying is, you're welcome Dillyhub?? 😆

[kiefbowl]

What's your take on written erotica/smut like fanfiction? Obviously it's nowhere comparable to porn, but I definitely see problems with it as it can perpetuate misinformation and harmful stereotypes all the same (ie. many tropes are very likely based on exposure to porn).

I do see fanfiction as something of a hobby/safe space made predominantly by women for women. There's creativity and a community involved, and real people aren't being harmed in its production.

What do you think? Is it something feminists should be against? Or is it a gray area?

It's situational and depends on context. Women are allowed to be sexual and explore their desires as much as their boundaries. I also think it's sticky to assume that anything "bad" that a woman says is sexually exciting can only have been learned through socialization. However, socialization can never be removed from sex. So, should women be treated like grown adults who know their own sexual appetites? Surely, yes. Does that mean adult women can't be coerced or socialized into "liking" something they otherwise would not have? Obviously not, that is very possible.

I think there is a history within feminism that can swing a little conservative in this area, moralizing natural sexual instincts and assuming women ought not have sex at all. This is problematic thinking for me, but also I don't ultimately disagree with the benefits of celibacy and how radical and political that decision can be. I celebrate every woman who takes that course of action, for whatever reason and whatever sexuality and to whatever degree. Women do not need to have sex, of any kind, with anyone.

The issue I take, however, is the impulse to assume women can't know their own minds, bodies, and intuitions - or that an individual woman's body belongs to a political agenda before it belongs to herself. This is a general impulse of misogyny as a whole, and I think it's false to assume you don't have this impulse just because you are a feminist. It takes a lot of work, constant lifelong work, to see women as full capable adult humans and also to have a theory of mind about women. Women are not infantile, and sexuality is not inconvenient.

To loop this back to fanfiction, I think we can see a convergence of different issues (mild and serious) with some things that are fact-of-life or even positive. My main concern with "smutty fanfiction" is actually young girls, rather than women. I think a lot of tweens and teens are exposed to raunchy fanfiction before they're exposed to scientific and unmoralizing sexual education. That can cause huge issues for young girls that can lead to issues as young (and even old) women. Should a 13-year-old be masturbating to written BDSM of cartoon characters before she even learns that masturbating is normal and healthy & before she can see any affirmations that "normal" sex is meant to be pleasurable, and women are active participants to it? Not to be puritanical but, uhm, no. Are there, like, policy fixes I think should be in place? I struggle with that.

I think the policy fixes for these issues aren't so much about regulating fanfiction and who gets to access the internet - I think it more has to do with disseminating proper sexual education early and thoughtfully. When it comes to the role of fanfiction and erotica in women's lives in general, perhaps backstage activism is a better route here. Conscious raising groups, books & magazines, getting together with women and girls and having frank and open discussions...these things go a long way in our communities.

But also - girls get to be sexual too, and I think the ways taboo intersects with sexuality isn't so surprising. I don't think feminists need to be overly alarmed when girls are curious and maybe a little naughty. I don't think reading fanfiction is ever going to be worse than watching online porn, least of all that the way your brain processes video is different than how it processes the written word. I don't think a young girl is "doomed" if she reads a particularly explicit book or sees something that is, broadly, disagreeable to feminist thinking. If anything, maybe feminists should be targeting mothers and giving them resources on how to intervene in a healthy way. How do you talk about weird furry porn to your tweenager without making her feel ashamed? How can you make it so that the embarrassing is funny and she feels safe? How can you say "I don't think you should be looking at this" not because it's sexual, but because it distorts sexuality? How do we help mom be cool when maybe mom isn't cool?

I think this is a very interesting topic that deserves attention, and a lot could be written about it. Thanks for the great question.

[sflow-er]

About the settlement in YR S3

A discussion with @scatteredpiecesofme a while back inspired me to look more closely into the settlement between August, Wilhelm and Simon. I already dabbled in criminal justice meta after S2, but I didn't account for a settlement back then, so it's time to update my info!

Posting this, I know it's a topic people have strong feelings about. If you choose to read below the cut, please keep in mind that it's not meant to be a moral judgment. It's an attempt to review the case as presented in the show and interpret it through what I've learned about law and procedure in real Sweden.

TL;DR: The offences being settled are defamation and unlawful breach of privacy. The settlement of 1.2 million kronor is dozens of times higher than what Simon could realistically expect from court.

Sources: Swedish Criminal Code (EN-SV), Code of Judicial Procedure (SV), preparatory documents for relevant laws (this and this), reference collection on kränkningsersättning, cases available online or in the media (e.g. this and this on dagensjuridik.se), legal blogs, articles and legal advice websites (e.g. lawline.se, Domarbloggen), discussion on treasonable offences (SvD column, expert exchange, motion to parliament, this and this tabloid article), guidelines/advice for prosecutors (e.g. on defamation, day-fines).

Disclaimer: I'm just a layperson and not even Swedish myself, so it's entirely possible I missed something! Respectful discussion and corrections are very welcome!

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The facts of the case against August

Quick recap

August committed criminal offences by filming and posting the video.

Sara reported August to the police.

August, Wille, Simon and their legal counsels and parents negotiated a settlement at the royal palace with Jan-Olof presiding.

JO said they wanted to avoid a trial. Rickard claimed the evidence and testimonies would not be enough to secure a conviction, and the video was not likely to be considered explicit.

Simon's counsel said Wille's legal team had already decided not to pursue the matter in court.

They settled for 1.2 million kronor, presumably per plaintiff.

The offences on the table

“Spreading that kind of video could be considered gross defamation, gross unlawful breach of privacy, and possibly a CP offence. The penal value is prison, in any case.”

It's pretty clear August also committed intrusive photography, but that overlaps with unlawful breach of privacy, so that might be why it wasn't mentioned. Here's a complete list:

- intrusive photography (kränkande fotografering, covertly photographing or filming someone in a private space) - unlawful breach of privacy (olaga integritetsintrång, disseminating sensitive images in a way that's liable to result in serious harm) - defamation (förtal, disseminating information that identifies someone as a criminal or their way of life as reprehensible, or is otherwise liable to expose them to contempt) - treasonable offences (högmålsbrott, a clause that, among other things, makes some crimes more severe when committed against a member of the Royal House) -CP (I'm not writing this out so the post doesn't get caught in filters)

Unlawful breach of privacy was also mentioned by Rosh back in S2. It's a fairly new offence that entered into force in 2018, and very few cases lead to a conviction (only 27 out of the total 1,876 in 2021). Even when a perpetrator is identified, it's hard to prove it was them (and no one else) using the device. Proving an intent of serious harm isn't easy either, but the court usually considers whether the defendant should have known that was liable to occur.

The main angle in the show was defamation, which doesn't need to be untrue in Sweden. It's all about exposing someone to contempt - and if the defamatory statement is also liable to result in serious harm, it becomes gross defamation. This is why Rickard, who already called gross defamation in S2, argues in S3 that outing someone no longer counts as exposing them to contempt (he's refuting that it was defamation at all).

Another way off the hook would be to show that 1) the statement was true and 2) the defendant was “obliged to make it” or it was “otherwise justifiable to provide information about the matter.”

The treasonable offences clause is a bit of a legal minefield. It allows the public prosecutor to demand harsher punishments for some crimes when they are committed against members of the Royal House, but it also creates questions of whether the royals are even able to bring these types of charges the normal way. It clearly didn't come into play in YR, but I'll return to it in the conclusion.

A CP offence was also mentioned in S2 by Rosh and Rickard. Rosh reckoned it was a sure thing and could land August in prison, but Rickard only listed it as a possibility. He said the penal value was prison “in any case” because gross unlawful breach of privacy is always punishable by prison (more about the penal values in my now-obsolete post).

Still, this was dramatic exaggeration by the writers. August is 18, and persons under 21 could not be imprisoned unless there were very heavy grounds for it back in 2020/2021. Even the stricter law from 2022 mainly applies to violent and gang-related offences.

By the old law and practice, any sentence given to an 18-yo would be reduced to 50% of an adult's sentence, and August is also a first-time offender. If convicted, he'd be looking at some combination of fines, youth community service, and/or a suspended sentence.

That's another silly thing about the Alexander ploy in S2, although not as silly as Alexander forgetting he had already been caught with the drugs.

So that's the potential crimes listed. We'll get to the crimes that were actually being settled in a little bit.

Relevant facts about procedure

To understand how they got from Sara's police report to the settlement scene, it's useful to look at some intricacies of the Swedish justice system that may differ from other countries.

The right to press and pursue charges

By Swedish law, most crimes are subject to public prosecution by the state. The police are legally obligated to start what is known as a “preliminary” investigation when a crime is reported, and the prosecutor is legally obligated to consider charges and pursue them. Regardless of what the victim/plaintiff wants.

There are two notable exceptions. Charges for målsägandebrott (“plaintiff offences”) can only be brought by the plaintiff, and angivelsebrott (“offences subject to report”) must be reported for prosecution by the plaintiff. If an angivelsebrott is reported by someone else, the plaintiff decides if they want the case to go ahead.

These are also the only types of crimes where the plaintiff is able to withdraw the charges. If they do, neither they nor the public prosecutor can ever bring the same matter again.

In the YR case, defamation is målsägandebrott, the privacy offences are angivelsebrott, and CP is always subject to public prosecution.

It's also possible for angivelsebrott to be publicly prosecuted when public interest calls for it (e.g. gross unlawful breach of privacy is often considered serious enough to meet this bar). The same goes for målsägandebrott under certain circumstances, e.g. when the victim of defamation is under 18. Public prosecution also applies if there are multiple offences and one of the other offences is subject to it.

If charges are raised by public prosecution, the injured party becomes unable to withdraw them (the state becomes the plaintiff in their stead).

Concurrent offences and protective interests

When someone commits more than one offence by a single action, these are assessed for brottskonkurrens (concurrence of offences).

In some cases, the offence with the harshest punishments 'consumes' the others so they no longer count. For example, gross unlawful breach of privacy is always punishable by prison, so it often consumes defamation and even gross defamation.

In other cases, all the offences count 'in concurrence'. One example is when the laws that were broken had different skyddsinteressen (protective interests). In the YR case, intrusive photography and unlawful breach of privacy have the same protective interest: both crimes infringe on the right to privacy and personal integrity. Defamation infringes on a person's honour and reputation, which is a different interest. Hence, unlawful breach of privacy of normal severity is often pursued and punished in concurrence with defamation (normal or gross), but less often with intrusive photography.

As for CP, Swedish law classifies it as an offence against the public order (not as a sex crime, although it can overlap with sex crimes such as using minors for sexual posing). The protective interest is twofold: the individual child's right to personal integrity, and the right of children at large to be safe from CP. So there is some overlap with the privacy offences, but it's also an offence that falls within a completely different area of law.

Note that the sentence is not given as the sum total of the concurrent offences! It's the sentence for the most severe offence, with increases for the concurrent offences (as determined by the judge).

Settlement vs. mediation

JO tells us the parties are doing förlikning (settlement) to avoid the matter going to trial. This is different from medling (mediation).

Settlement primarily applies to disputes, but it can also be a private, out-of-court resolution for some offences. In my understanding, these would be målsägandebrott or angivelsebrott, as the plaintiff agrees not to pursue the matter in exchange for compensation. The settlement also prevents public prosecution even if it is determined later on that the conditions for that are met.

Mediation is a process where a neutral party authorised by the court (not JO) brings the victim and perpetrator of a crime together. It can also be used for family law disputes, but this is less relevant for us. The parties can agree on compensation, but the main objective is just to discuss and process the matter. The perpetrator must admit their guilt in order for mediation to go ahead.

Mediation is separate from the court process, but the defendant's willingness to enter it and a favourable outcome may be taken into account. The prosecutor may bring less severe charges or even offer åtalsunderlåtelse (no-prosecution deal), whereby the offence goes on the guilty person's criminal record but they avoid trial and punishment. If a trial does happen, the judge may be more lenient.

How this all relates to the settlement scene in YR

Based on the above, the settlement in 3.01 must be for defamation, and very likely also unlawful breach of privacy. Intrusive photography is also possible, although the characters never mention it.

Defamation is målsägandebrott and privacy offences are angivelsebrott. Hence, the matter can be settled out of court.

It's hard to say if any of the offences could be gross, despite what Rickard said back in S2. The breach of privacy probably isn't, since it hasn't consumed the defamation or been publicly prosecuted. The defamation could certainly be (this would align with legal precedent for spreading sex tapes), but I think this type of gross defamation of the Crown Prince and another minor should already meet the threshold for public interest.

We don't know exactly when the settlement scene is set, or how long has passed between seasons. Offences involving minor parties must be investigated without delay, but it is possible that the prosecutor is still considering whether to claim public interest. If the settlement is finalised before public charges can be brought for these particular offences, that will no longer be possible.

The opposite is true for the potential CP offence. In my understanding, being able to settle out of court means that must already be off the table.

The police will have been legally obligated to open a preliminary investigation when they received a report about a legal (young) adult having filmed two minors in a sexual situation. Simon and Wille will have been notified of the privacy offences and defamation, and asked if they wanted the investigation to go ahead (since they didn't make the report themselves). But a CP offence is different. It's the kind of crime that must have been investigated even if the victims said they didn't want to press charges or refused to cooperate.

Based on the preliminary investigation, the prosecutor will have considered charges. August's age and development gap to Wille and Simon and the explicitness of the video will have been assessed. His defamatory (not sexual) intent and the other offences could have factored in as well.

I'm not going to guess any further at the reasoning, but no charges were brought. CP is subject to public prosecution, and that also applies to any concurring offences. The settlement wouldn't be possible if it was still in the mix.

Instead, they could be having court-authorised mediation with a neutral party, but only if August already admitted his guilt. (This was actually the part that confused me the most when I first watched the show and wasn't aware of the difference between the processes.)

Anyway. Now that we know what was being settled, I also want to look at the level of compensation.

Compensation compared to court sanctions

The settlement was for 1.2 million kronor. Presumably per plaintiff, as that was the number Simon's counsel gave him. Both he and Rickard described it as generous.

So how does the sum actually compare to what the court might have awarded Simon or handed down as a punishment to August?

Fines

If convicted in court, August could be sentenced to dagsböter (day-fines). The sum ranges from 50 to 1,000 kronor per day, and the minimum number of fines is 30. The maximum is 150, or 200 for multiple offences.

In this case, there are indeed multiple offences (two or three depending on whether intrusive photography still counts), so the absolute maximum is 200,000.

Now for some speculation!

A day-fine is the person's annual income divided by a thousand, adjusted for net wealth and debt. August is a cash-poor student with no job. He must get a bit of income from the estate and possibly some other investments, but if he can't afford to pay Simon back for the drugs and alcohol, it can't be much.

So, the base sum will be low. It gets raised by 50 kronor for every 500,000 of net wealth over 1.5 million, but then there's also a reduction for significant debts. If August truly has to sell his estate to free up 2.4 million, it can't be valued very high and/or he must be in serious debt. His day-fine will land in the hundreds, but I doubt it reaches 1,000.

It's hard to say how many day-fines he would get, but I don't think it would be anywhere close to 200. In examples found online, 40 seems pretty common for each of these crimes at normal severity. In one case, a man convicted of unlawful breach of privacy and gross defamation got a suspended sentence + 80 day-fines, which changed to 100 day-fines for just gross defamation on appeal.

Although the parties in these cases are all adults, while August is in the young offenders bracket. For example, he might get those 80 day-fines but no suspended sentence, or he might get something else entirely. Compare with a case where an 18-yo boy (17 at the time of the crime) spread a film of his friend having sex with a woman: he was convicted of both intrusive photography and unlawful breach of privacy but only sentenced to 35 hours of youth community service.

However, the boy did have to pay compensation.

Compensation payable to the victim

An injured party is often entitled to apply for compensation. In these types of crimes, it's called kränkningsersättning (compensation for infringement/suffering), and there is no cap on it.

However, there are some relevant sample cases online.

The boy in our previous example had to pay 25,000 to the woman.

A person who spread a sexual film showing a 14-yo girl was convicted of gross defamation and had to pay 25,000.

A man who secretly filmed an 8 to 12-yo girl in the bathroom was convicted of a CP offence and had to pay 25,000. The reference collection of cases says it's worth noting this happened before intrusive photography was criminalised as its own offence.

A woman who filmed a 16-yo boy having sex with his girlfriend and posted the video online was convicted of unlawful breach of privacy and gross defamation and had to pay 30,000.

A man who spread sexual photos of his ex to her friends and employer was convicted of gross defamation and had to pay 50,000.

A man who uploaded films of his ex on an adult site was convicted of gross unlawful breach of privacy and had to pay 60,000. In a very similar case before the privacy offences were criminalised, a man was convicted of gross defamation and had to pay 70,000.

The settlement sum of 1.2 million is 17 to 20 times higher than the highest examples. It's also 40 times higher than the example of the 16-yo boy and his girlfriend, which I think is a remotely similar case (although the place of filming was less private and the dissemination was less broad and damaging than in YR). On August's side, the 2.4 million is many times higher than the day-fines plus compensation, even if we don't know the exact numbers.

So that gives us some idea of the level of compensation and monetary punishment that Simon and August could realistically expect, but those aren't the only factors Simon might consider.

Conclusion: a trial could get very complicated

As mentioned above, Wille's legal team had already decided they would not be going to court. It's unsure if that could have even been done in the normal way.

Some legal experts believe the treasonable offences clause prevents members of the Royal House from bringing normal charges at all if they are victims of målsägandebrott or angivelsebrott, because they are considered a stately institution. Others think it should be possible if they just waive their right to treasonable offences, but the royals have never tried.

Instead, the public prosecutor may ask the government to authorise a treasonable offences charge. In theory, the government could say yes even if the victim themself said no, but that's extremely unlikely (for example, when a teen threw a cake in the real king's face in 2001, it was considered the king's decision). The prosecutor who handled the matter in YR could have already asked and been denied, or they could have decided against it if they knew Wille would object.

If Wille had decided to try and bring normal charges, his legal standing would have become a hot topic. If treasonable offences had been charged, the charges would have been public. Either way, the case would have gained a lot of media attention.

Wille being one of the plaintiffs could have also lead to a more stringent punishment for August. Especially for treasonable offences; the real cake-thrower was sentenced to 100 day-fines for harassment, which is a big sentence for a 16-yo (an adult could've got up to four years in prison). Even if they were normal charges, Wille was the one August intended to harm, which would have made the crimes all the more severe.

The level of compensation could have been higher too...at least for Wille. It's frankly beyond my comprehension as a layperson whether his and Simon's cases could have even been tried together due to their wildly different circumstances.

Simon is like any other person in the legal system. If the case did go to trial and August was convicted, he would receive compensation in line with the above. August would also have to pay his legal fees, as well as the potential fines.

It's hard to say how good the chances of a conviction were. Rickard was just defending August when he said identifying someone as gay was no longer considered defamatory, but that is true for Swedish society at large. However, it can still be defamatory if you out someone to people who can be expected to react with contempt (e.g. a religious group). For both defamation and privacy offences, it should also matter how widely the information was disseminated and how bad the consequences were (although you won't be rewarded for causing less harm than expected/intended).

We never actually heard if Rickard had a defence in mind for Simon's particular circumstances. On the one hand, Simon was already out, and he wasn't the target of August's harmful intent. On the other hand, surely August should have known he was liable to suffer serious harm by association. Their lawyers could argue these and other standpoints, and it could get complicated, especially if Wille couldn't be involved after settling.

For argument's sake... Let's say Rickard was right about the evidence and testimony not being enough, and Simon lost the trial.

He would have to pay both his and August's legal feels. Those are probably covered by the Erikssons' home insurance, but there will be a deductible of about 20%, and a cap of two, three hundred thousand. I assume this would normally be enough, but going up against “one of Sweden's best criminal lawyers” could still be a daunting prospect. Rickard might be representing his stepson for free at this early stage, but if the case went to trial and he was very confident they could win, that might change.

And leaving the financial stuff aside, Simon says he just wants the whole thing to be over. He doesn't want to have to rehash it all in court against August and Rickard, and although it's Wille's side who complain about the media storm, that isn't fun for Simon either. On the contrary, he's the one who's been targeted for hate and scrutiny.

The proceedings would likely be held behind closed doors since Simon is a minor, but an anonymised version of the court decision would still be public. At any point, word could get out about the case, which would quickly be connected to Wille because they were on the video together, and the media would be all over Simon again.

All that considered... Settling out of court for a comfortable sum of money he can use to move on with his life might not be the path of “maximum justice” for Simon, but it is a very understandable choice.

[bunny-jpeg]

https://www.tumblr.com/bunnys-kisses/768349619894861824/im-holding-your-hand-when-im-saying-this-as-a?source=share

people started asking crane (Max’s friend) on stream if Lestappen (Charles and max) is real. I think he was like “I shouldn’t be furthering/entertaining this” (I forgot what he said word for word). People took it as something to be excited about, that the drivers are aware of the ships and all, but idk. I think fandoms are getting too bold for my liking. I have no problem with shipping, but this parasocial behaviour is out of hand. I saw this when 1D was still a group (with Harry x Louis shippers harassing Louis to the point where he got so upset when the ship was referenced in the popular show Euphoria), I’ve seen it with Kpop in which idols have stopped hanging out publicly because fandoms get out of hand (a girl in the group Aespa had a boyfriend earlier this year and fans got very upset because they shipped her and another member and they broke up. A few years ago, 2 members of two different kpop groups (SNSD and EXO) dated and the girl got harassed at the airport even). And now this.

Fandoms get so parasocial so quickly, it’s insane. It’s not new behaviour, but it’s strange.

exactly, this isn't new behavior. but i feel like it's become more emboldened with how much more "online" both fans and companies/groups are.

more under the cut, because this is a long one....

i also think it ties into this notion that i've been seeing online about how fans have this feeling to be "right" both with rpf and fiction as well. that their theories, opinions and whatever else is "correct". i've seen this with like pieces of media like steven universe and even star wars. like fandom isn't fun anymore, it has become this weird one up over each other. i honestly don't know when this changed, my guess is around the pandemic when it seemed like people were more logged into the internet. but, i could be wildly off with that. (if you have an idea, i'd love to know). it just feels stupid in so many ways how fandoms are structured. even if you're not the "best" artist or writer, people can't have FUN in fandom - of course that doesn't mean it has to be absolved criticism. you can have fun and still call out hate within spaces. the issue with formula one (along with k-pop like you mentioned, anon), is that these aren't characters. this isn't arguing in the tags over is finnpoe or reylo is more valid or legitimate within the narrative. these are REAL people, with REAL friends, families and partners.

it's this weird push to have someone's theory - and while i have a soft spot for lestappen, it is at the end of the day nothing more than fan theory - be confirmed. also personally, if hattie (oscar's sister) or crane (max's friend) "outed" them, i would be horribly fucking offended on oscar/max's behalf. to have someone you TRUST just out you like that. it's sick. maybe it's because i worked in queer spaces from high school all the way through uni, and the number one rule no matter WHAT, is you never out someone. even if the question is harmless and the person asking has no ill intention. you never out another person, because it's not YOUR coming out. so the fact that fans are near begging these people to OUT their loved ones, is not only a level of delusion that i can't ever comprehend. but, also it could honestly, ruin that interpersonal relationship.

so like even if a driver is queer, whoever it may be. could be a driver from the 90s, could be a driver today, it could be a driver in five years, i don't want someone else in their life outing them. because that's THEIR story. and fans need to realize that. bothering crane or hattie or alexandra (i've seen that too) - isn't helping anyone and it makes you look unhinged and weirdly alienates not only the driver but their loved ones. YES, they knew it exists, it is EVERYWHERE. but shoving it in their faces doesn't help. and you're never going to get the confirmation because there is a high chance that their not even queer to begin with. and if they are, NOT OUR CONCERN

i don't have a problem writing or consuming rpf, it is not a crime nor do i think it should be stopped. like HAVE FUN. but you have to realize that it's not like debating star wars or marvel or whatever other piece of fictional media. formula one is REAL, they are not actors. they are athletes, and unless you want all rpf to be shut down some how. i suggest the likes of some of ya'll need to understand that there are different boundaries. and respect them.

i know they're all millionaires, but they still breathe and bleed as a friend of mine once said. it's fun to put them in little scenarios in fanworks, but just keep it out of their direct attention. there are unspoken boundaries, that some of ya'll need have said to you apparently.

asking oscar issac if he THINKS that finnpoe is real is VERY different than asking someone's sister if she thinks her REAL LIFE BROTHER is fucking his REAL LIFE TEAMMATE. - people's relationships have turned to ash over insistent rpf in their faces all the time.

my advice at the end of the day is: have fun, don't write or draw it because you want confirmation that it's a real relationship. write or draw it because you're having fun. fandom is about making friends and shipping in whatever context is about finding a slice of community on the vast internet, not cracking the code of if it is a real relationship. - bunny.

[joannasteez]

the sex life of evie moore - nightingale

summary: evie, after some encouragement from rhea, gets comfy with damian priest.

authors notes and warnings: minors do not interact pls! purely self indulgent. contains explicit descriptions of sex and talks of relationships, romantic or otherwise. descriptions of alcohol use.

word count: 8340 (what'd i say? no baby food this go round)

genre: alternative universe - college

"...it felt like breakin' up all over again...", her tone more somber than expected. even with the words known and leaving. 

...sex is polarizing. an un-categorizable system of communication. it's loud. frivolous. quiet. intimate. soft. the greatest liberation. a prison. bending with time to conform to new space. a dimensionless void of possibility. sex is a ladder. a door. the terrible silence of a grimy alleyway. drips of rain and those wicked scuffling boots just beyond the corner. a full breath in the lungs after much time without air. a sacred crossroad where bliss meets the impossible...

abra dezttone is many things. the department chair of the philosophy department. professor of a myriad of elective courses. old. beautifully grey. too tall for such a slippy, delicate voice, and haunting. in the sense that she gives her eyes like she would her hands for a firm shake. an unrelenting contact, with all the knowledge there is to be possessed about one's life from the give of a simple look. real trippy shit that evie does not have time to unpack. 

but most of all, professor dezttone is a lover of fucking essay's. an essayist in her own right. 

the laptop computer screen brightened to such a sharpness that the stabbing pain of it has gotten to be a bit of a normal sensation. momentum waning in evie's fingers. tired and over-worked from all the curt, bent maneuvers and the awful mental ache that comes with running out of brilliance for words. 

...sex is a game. sex is law. used to determine laws. sex is everything. sex is nothing—a box that takes the form of flesh and bone, lined with the terrible nerve of ideas and blood soaked with thoughts and needs and desires...

"am i missing something?" rhea—evie's dorm-mate— stops mid-cut to look up. a faux lost expression slipping in the eyes. "i thought you two broke it off well enough ago". the scissors in hand continuing to crop the shirt she'd been messing with. "who gives a shit about what he's got to say. your body your choice right?" 

a snort cuts, evie closing the too bright laptop screen. "says the woman dressing me up like a metalhead meat puppet just so she can promote her little band". 

"hey". a playful warning singing through. rhea grabbing a wayward piece of fabric to throw at evie's head. "we're not little. we're just...too niche for the normals...an acquired taste for like...more refined palates n'shit...", her manicured nails easing the blade of the scissors against the front of the shirt till its ripping with a bit of a curve. "...plus you made the design. the least that can come of it, is you wearing your skills...". and whatever d.i.y. trick rhea had found online apparently involves safety pins. meticulously piercing them along the cut path she'd made. like a deconstructed mending of the large cut. "...and, i can help out with your little problem".

evie's brows pull together. confused. 

"my problem?"

"getting you out of your comfort zone and head first into a bit of self-service...", a sparkle in her eye that isn't so unfamiliar. twisting gears and a smirk that troubles evie's belly only slightly. "...or rather ass first considering you—"

"whats the plan?" 

"to get you laid obviously". rhea's aussie accent meshing well with bits of sarcasm. holding up her handy work to assess the quality. "but its less "what", more "who". her eyes peaking from behind the few-of-a-kind band-tee. "you know damian well enough right?"

well enough would be a slight overstatement. there was a baseline cordiality set at best, but nothing overly familiar to categorize her knowing him as 'well enough'. a ordinary share of 'hi's', 'goodbye's' and such. he'd—maybe till this very moment— always been a part of a part of a whole, compartmentalized as 'rhea's drummer friend', and set aside to the recesses of some miscellaneous corner of her mind. due to no fault of his own either really, but evie had never been much of an eye wanderer while with punk. even amidst the year long stint of romance-adjacent, platonic confusion that followed. but the odd loyalty harvested was just from a planting of some self-made guilt. twisting pits in the belly from the anxiety of moving on. that was obvious now.

damian would be new and uncharted. a free hand drawing, playing it by ear, on the fly sort of thing. 

evie pulls the pillow she'd had propped under her laptop closer till its in her lap and hugged up in her arms. "he's kinda intense rhea". 

"in all the nice little ways that count...", she counters. moving about evie's room comfortably. opening a draw to pull out a pair of black short-shorts. the fabric at the ends of the denim pant legs frilled a bit. "...and intense could be good for you. a change of pace maybe. damian is a passionate guy, he'll take care of you".

"and you know this how?" 

rhea tosses the shorts across to land next to the shirt she'd cut and adjusted and pinned to her liking. pulling out a pair of fishnets from evie's sock draw. "nightingale has it's little flock of...admirers...to put it nicely...". picking at the small selection of silver jewelry sitting on evie's dresser. a full outfit for the nights festivities manifesting as rhea wanders about the room. "...they tend to winge about a little too much for my liking when the guys figure they've had enough, but they make for good sources on the gossip". 

evie scoffs a bit. amusement dirtied and coarse. "so you're trying to set me up with community dick?"

rhea's mouth breaks into a bright smile, chuckling as she lays out her styling choices for the night. "dominik is the one with community dick. gives full service like one of those curbside food pantries", her fingers joining to wave about blasé like. because—regardless of how not so well she knew dominik—evie knew that the rather infamous electric guitarist of 'nightingale' got around quite a bit and quite frequently. so to hear of his...valiant...service to the community wasn't exactly unheard of. rhea shoves open evie's tiny closet with a push of her foot, bending to consider an array of boots and sneakers. "damian on the other hand...much more selective...a bit picky actually...", huffing as she rises with a pair of chunky black platforms. "...but tested". 

"why do you know he's tested?" 

rhea shrugs. "the same way i know you're tested and vice versa". 

if they collectively had a nickel for every time they'd bought on a wretched trip to the campus clinic from a pregnancy scare, they'd have 3 nickels. but three was enough. it'd always be enough. 

"touche". 

"he's also asked about you before". 

evie's belly drops. "what?! when?! why didn't you say anything?" 

"it was a few months ago. you were in the middle of your thing with punk and i didn't want you getting confused".

and this was only slightly terrible, but slightly was enough when it felt like the world had gone under a shift after some abrupt unleveling. at least thats what being perceived feels like doesn't it? a slight tug of the rug from beneath the feet. not enough to up turn the body but surely enough to make one well aware that the up turn is possible. 

evie takes to looking over all of rhea's efforts of collecting and matching. clothes and shoes and jewelry sprawled out and ready to be worn. 

"what'd he say?" 

rhea smiles. an excitement evie feels tired from already. "he asked if you were single". 

easier access. the short shorts were a fine pick on rhea's part, but evie figures—already half dressed and running warm from anticipation—she should at least make the maneuver of undressing a little less of a hassle. assuming of course that she won't be the one having to make quick work of peeling her clothes off. the leather mini skirt gives easier access. a zipper just at the back that slips open with a salacious little undoing. and it works well enough with the rest of the outfit. rhea's reconstruction of the band tee leaving just enough to the imagination for intrigue. the curved cut held together by safety pins, exposing skin and teasing parts of her breast. and of course more instructions followed. 'no bra!!', the text message coming in an hour or so after rhea had left for sound check. 

her top isn't so cropped that she cant get away with it either, but cropped enough for some peaks of skin. the heart shaped piercings through her nipples making for an eye catching outline. again, rhea knew what she was doing.

...seduction is art. it is method. a delicate configuration. a form made true with eyes and silence and words and lips and sly touches. seduction: the sister, the mirror, the doer... 

the boots make evie taller. the air warmer just from the four inch lift. or maybe it's that rigid bite in her fingers. doubts, uncertainties and all their nasty associates. the mirror painting a portrait that rivals her old normal. the droning, late night buzz of tattoo guns, blonde box dyes, old torn sketch books and that mainstay, oddly endearing snark. punk had been her normal. a comfortable standard. seduced by her matter-of-fact tones and gritty inflections. a little fast, a little loose, a little crazy. 

slithering out of that stagnation, it'd be a bit of a pivot. a little different, but nothing impossible. no more impossible than the fifteen page papers and midterms and all the other hellish things dressing up as collegiate obligation.

'he's just some guy'

a plate of crinkle cut fries sit along the tiny kitchenette counter as evie corrals a buckled bag made to carry photography essentials. the snack left by rhea, she's sure. covering all the bases. the starchy taste doing well to soak up and dampen that sick, drunk, twist turning her gut. 

'he's just some guy'

the september autumn night air is breezy, but not too cool. those last little lingerings of summer steeped in that give her enough leeway to go jacket free. patient, heeled steps leading off campus and some minutes away to the location rhea had heavily debriefed her on how to get to. but the venue, oh the venue is a lot a ways from that almost chilly bite of cool outside air. a sticky heat blanketing evie's skin as she pushes the creaky door of an almost rundown building. the inside walls graffiti'd to hell and in need of extensive renovation. this is definitely the address. ill-tempered bass shuddering the five story walk up and almost too dim lights flittering the hall way. 

a table just before the entry door to the madness. money littering a jar till it threatens an overflow and that undeniable thick smell of weed. a few freshman-in-the-face kids littered about passing around a blunt and watching easy over the table and handing out check coat tickets and such. 

evie struts up to the table, the under rubber of her boots lifting a little sticky and the hot air rolling over her skin, stuffing a loose $10 bill into the jar. "anywhere i can find rhea?" 

"evie right?", a girl asks. the sound of it almost comfortable, like she'd drilled evie's name into memory as to never forget it for the sake of keeping convenience. her hair undercut with a cute summery orange color and her brows pierced through. 

"they're about to play now, but you can drop your bags off with their stuff". a tattooed finger stretching to point across from where the table sits. another darkish hallway with walls that vibrate from the tough play of music. "last door down on the left". 

evie throws a "thanks" and rushes on quick. that unmistakable drawl to rhea's voice sounding out over the blast of the speakers. her usual fiery introduction, before 'Nightingale' breaks into their set for the night. a routine to get the crowd pumped again. and the almost closet-like break room is a mess. like the slight whip and whirl of a tornado had pulled through and settled everything to some odd function of what had to be controlled chaos. but theres no time to think about the clutter, not when the first drum beats of a crowd favorite play. her chunky boots stepping over till she's breaking open into the hallway and down and about to slither into the crowd.

and a meticulous maneuver around a forming mosh pit has never proven itself easy for evie—the times she's found herself drug from under the covers to see rhea and the guys perform—but she manages. 

haze and a controlled rage. both making for cool, textured digitals. the small stage lights illuminating just enough to catch the essence of things. sweat on the skin and hot clings of hair. the energy burning away that tease of winter air from the cracked windows. 

evie's finger hits the button of the shutter. microphone to rhea's lips and her face caught amidst that performative flow. she'd always been the mainstay of 'Nightingale', since even before the inception of—gigs, standing crowds and droning admiration—everything. a long ranged mouth piece. vocals and songs and ideas. always with something to say. the type of draw with a force made to comply with. 

and buddy, her red-headed bassist of a boyfriend, is as cool and mellow as his guitar. easy flicking strums of his purple near black bass to match his disposition. 

dominik was everything of the opposite. what with his mullet and mustache and that air of mischief about him. a bright sparkle of it in the eye. shredding pitchy, electric tones that bleed something static-like and lively. a sound and an energy living only to rival himself. 

and then of course, theres damian. "priest", as rhea likes to call him. a dark mystique about him. black penciled liner beneath his eyes that make his stare dark. penetrative and daunting. the break and beat of the rhythm all kept in his care as he makes no qualms about smashing cymbals and roughing into the kick drum. 

the crowd tumbles and sways and moshes something feral. an endless melody of motion. an artful madness worth all of it's appreciation.

the ice water doesn't do much. gives evie's hands something to hold onto in place of her camera and cools the tongue off for some few seconds before that sticky heat creeps up again. packed bodies and breath and cap-less beer bottles. the type of heat that rises up youthfully and yearningly so. sex-ish. if thats even a word. if so, evie'll use it for her paper. and no, she isn't hiding. just a slight tactical separation. a strategic retreat of sorts into the corner to catch her breath. a maneuver and a half of getting around the growing crowd to set her gear down in the safety of that back room before she'd squeezed her way to where she is now. settled and moderately eased and tucked away with a dripping cold cup of ice water. right, no! this isn't hiding. just a simple caching till a good enough game plan rolls in. any minute now...

because falling into something with punk those 2 and a half-ish years ago had been fairly easy. both of them a little fiery eyed and eager for something exciting. he'd given his smiles and his snark and his boldness and she'd done similar. the light perpetually on green with a heavy foot on the gas and no speed limit in sight. a little fast, a little loose, a little crazy. but beyond the quick 'hi's' and toothy smiles evie doesn't know much about damian. doesn't know much about his ticks and his likes and his secrets and all the under the surface things that make him. that break him even. but then again, she wouldn't have to would she? long gone from the tangled mess of a relationship and all those minute details. this'll be a delicate maneuver for sure, what with the small talk and flirting and all the physicalities to follow, but inconsequential nonetheless. right?...

hope. sipping from her cold cup and surveying the floor. she can only hope so. 

"you're stalling". 

a slight digging pinch into her hip that makes her flinch and that down under accent that dresses up all rhea's words with a bit of a drawl. her face, makeup-less now and eyes a little blown. her smile wide and a hand taken up. colored cups full and the slosh of it, something that smells all too much like trouble. and yes, maybe evie is stalling, but that word sounds too much like a great exposure. too forthright. 

she sighs. "i'm looking for an opening". stealing a glance across. damian posted up near the makeshift bar at the other side of the space. a flock of folks trying hard to act like they're not vying for a bit of attention. spewing the usuals—'good shit', 'loved the set', 'lets connect', etcetera— evie is sure of it. 

"this is post-gig standard evie". rhea taking a generous sip from one of the red solo cups she'd mysteriously come into ownership of. so different from the crazy scatter of cheap bottles and cans of beer circulating. "it's all blood smelling sharks and too deep water. regular college shit". her eyes rolling as she shifts evie quick with a tough pull. a fast save as some too-drunk-already freshman wobbles and swerves to the music. drops of beer just missing evie's shirt as it splatters to the floor. "listen...", rhea guiding evie along to a better section of the wide room. "...he's 6'5, tattooed, a drummer, and not a complete dick. there is no such thing as an opening really. with priest, the strategy is pure vibe". 

evie scoffs. a pout pulling at her mouth. anticipation warm and burning and stoked the more people dance and sway at all sides. like some great big mocking of fun almost. "i'm elevator pitching my pussy at this point".

"breathe". a little chuckle playing as rhea swaps evie's cold cup of water for one of hers. "you're 23. s'not a husband hunt. just samples, taste tests and a little window shopping". all laissez faire like. "did you eat?"

"yeah. the crinkle cuts you left out". 

"good. carbs are good". tapping the filled red cup she'd placed in evie's hand. "take a shot". 

and rhea is and possibly will never be terrible at hiding her mischief, because she indulges herself far too often to care about it being hidden. 

a teasing curl of a smile taking her lips. "it's fall time...". the soft bump of her shoulder. something sisterly. playful. "...every girl needs a proper jacket". 

and of course, before the present, beautiful, sagacity of junior year—not that theres much of it to revel in considering her current circumstances—evie had soldiered through many a weekend along side rhea. freshman faced and jacket-less amidst the solid cold of an unbearable late fall semester. liquor sloshing their bellies so terribly well that it burned through to warm up the skin. the true form of a grade a type of fuckery only made possible by the self proclaimed invincibility of newly made young adults. weekends of "proper jackets" and monstrous hangovers, followed by colds unbreakable. thank God for on campus nurses and antibiotics. 

the hardwood bends beneath evie's feet. heavy bass and an itch to fall into the rhythm. the liquor steeping her tongue along with bits of sweetness. rum and a splash of something fruity. 

and he's still there, posted up at the makeshift bar. slabs of dark wood stacked and drilled to shape into something not half bad and useable. backless highchairs littered close by for the too-cool-to-dance types and a newly puffed out stream of haze to shroud the air. 

his eyes underscored and attentive. drifting over the crowd till they fall and find her looking already. some seconds of a nameless expression before his lips pull. a tick of a smile before he's pulled else where. heat going on in her belly, and yes its probably the swash of rum but the bass doesn't disconcert her common sense enough to persuade her that it isn't the idea of him either. 

rhea bumps her shoulder again. "what are you thinking?"

"am i moving too fast?" 

rhea takes the emptied solo cup to set down against a nearby windowsill. sincerity corralling quickly. "tonight is about doing what you want. fuck him. don't fuck him. he's like a brother, but he's still just some guy at the end of it all yeah?" 

'he's just some guy'

its a mantra at this point. lends itself to a truth thats partial enough to make evie feel good. feel better. or maybe it's the impatience to do something different. stepping out of boxes and comfort zones. possibly a mixture of both. one thing informing the other. circular and never ending till she's nodding to agree. 

both girls smile silent. rhea's giddy and evie's daring to match. 

"you're enjoying this too much". a light gripe and then a calculative turn on her heels. readying to step off a long rested on stagnation.  

an encouraging pat to the hip is all she gets before she's easing into the crowd. tunnel visioned for the makeshift bar. the slow wind up and over of colored lights. the tease of sweat at her cheeks. thick haze and hoppy alcohol biting the nose. skin slipping on skin. dancing and the slurred song of some flirty speech as the bass holds the room together. tensions lifting quick. fiercely. persuasion steeped in the music enough that it bleeds into the blood. matching and every heel toe. drawing an easiness in the eyes and the penned frown in her lips—etched up by the anxieties of approaching a man—erased to a faintness.  

he's a sharp looker, damian. focused and unabashed. curious and existing big in evie's peripheral. but a little something is needed before the big approach. call it a crutch, but a small drink in hand gives the body a nice center point. a task that lightens the full weight of doing. 

but theres only beer. lagers and ipa's. 

"got anything besides beer?", she gives over the music. 

and the bartender-not bartender—familiar faced and moving away too fast for evie's liking—pushes two types of beer up into her view. an irish accent quick amidst the droning party. "sorry, it's all i got". fingers full of crinkled five's and ten's and cold cans. 

an eye roll doesn't fix much but its a quick expression. disappointment in the fingers and that taunting urge for a second drink after the first. but it doesn't last long. a hand waving in past her peripheral to signal the bartender-not-bartender. damian and his shadow lined eyes. "yoo finn, she's cool, she's with me". a smooth pull up right next to her. the type of bass in his voice that pinches her nerves quick with excitement. "what do you like?"

"sweet". she gives. "not too strong". 

a nod. lingering eyes and a twitch of a smile. like he's just gotten confirmation on something she's yet to be aware of. "he'll hook it up for you". 

so much for only beer. 

but the four inch lift does wonders. gives evie less of a hard time meeting the sound of him. his eyes and that strength of whatever cologne he's got painting over his neck. "thanks for the pull". 

"you're rhea's girl, i gotchu". the heat and height of him surely only tolerable due to low lights and spiked spirit. a charged eagerness made true by the short taste of mid-shelf rum from some almost rundown, always cheap, liquor store. looking down on her with an unhurried study. waiting and testing patience. a slow prying apart that flutters something dangerous in the skin. and he levels with her too, sits in one of those backless high chairs to come down into her view better. long legs parted enough to step and fit right into them. "you two in the corner schemin' on something?"

evie smirks. a short peak at rhea before she's shifting to meet him. slipping wholly into his stare. and God what a strange intensity. strong and absolute but hurt-less. something to fall into. "you're giving me too much credit. m'not devious enough to scheme". drifting to catch the pull of his smile and the way his cross necklace sits. looped through a thin choker and perched at his neck. the metal thick and silver and adorning. "you know how it is with rhea though. she gets bored and gets the brightest ideas. likes to set up entertainment for herself". 

"dolled you up just to push you into the deep end huh?" 

an implication if she's ever heard one. 

"sink or swim right?" his arm resting along the protruding deck of the makeshift bar top. her finger falling faint over his skin. toying with a short stray piece of thread at the wrist lining of his top. a thin, long sleeved mesh shirt that leaves for no curiosity. lean muscle and a load of tattoos for decoration. "i like the motivation though...", evie gives. retracting her hand. teeth stressing softly over her lip. taking a study of her own. "...i mean, if someone asks about you, it's good to make an appearance right? show face. if i knew the drinks came free off just that, i'd have come to another show a lil sooner". 

"they come free with me", he clarify's. 

ego. got to love a little male college ego. 

"look at you being all important". something snide mixed in with evie's laugh. an eye roll to cherry top. "i'll let you get back to your meet and greets then?" the toe of her chunky boots making to pivot and step away. drink-less still and unsatisfied. 

"alright that came out bad, m'sorry". a firm hand at evie'e arm. neither harsh or overdone, but a little pleading just the same. "c'mere". pulling soft before his fingers trail to clutch at her hand. a generous touch and an obscene size difference. the type of contrast she can feel without giving any quick peaks or once overs. taking little steps near him with some faux begrudged flare. cologne steeping her nose and this incontrollable urge to steal a look at his mouth again.

and he makes no real qualms with himself about where his own eyes lead. where they stick and prick and slip at. her lips and the safety pin styled band tee-shirt. a tight enough fit about the skin that leaves impressions in the fabric to reveal heart shaped piercings. these milliseconds of once overs that feel like a millennia. the loss of a quiet game, evie's eyes breaking to stare off at finn. that saving grace of a drink not yet given. like somehow he knew that she'd use it to quell her anxieties and was punishing her for making him go out of his way to prep something other than the crack open of a beer bottle. 

damian also hasn't let go of her hand just yet. an intentional hold that leaves his thumb pressed into the base of her palm. short sweeps and hot skin. his metal rings cold and tingling nerves. to keep her close surely, where his eyes can fall and take in and overawe. "that check in was months ago by the way". 

the music thumps and drives and drowns out. evie leaning in to let her words catch him well. "is this where i plug in my apology for making you wait?" 

"nah". a tug of a smile. surveying the mass of bodies before he's studying again. flitting between the eased set of her eyes. thanks to the rum in her blood. a somewhat cool, collected air to mask the disquiet that has yet to shake. "it just seemed like you had your hands full...", a funny thing now. considering he's found the opportunity to occupy one of them. unflinchingly so. "...not gonna lie, it felt like a waste of breath but i was curious". 

that year long stagnation had done a number obviously. leaving her blind and oblivious to other possibilities. very tall, very fine possibilities. 

and compliments to the dj. a segway into something smooth and melodic . a temper down of the rhythm that makes space for a more rage-less air. haze pluming slow to curl through the litter of colored lights.  

cedar wood and tobacco. hints of sweetness that scatter through the depth. heady and intoxicating. college boys and their cologne experimentations will be the death of her. a good death nonetheless. fingers maneuvering to fold in between his. a closer step into intimacy. nerves aflame. "and m'guessing with all of this...", motioning a finger to the inches of space between them, "...there's some residuals left. enough worth mentioning". 

"of course". 

she hums. lets the notes and undertones of his cologne work thoroughly. 

a red solo cup startles the moment. finn and his shitty timing. setting her drink down in between where the lean of her arm threatens to touch damian's. a little straw added for those waiting troubles. 

"sorry about the wait", he throws. loud and heavy accented over the music. returning to the fray of college students. 

that hand embraced with damian leaves finally. an unhurried departure as she makes to sip. mostly sugary juice and bites of that cheapish rum. enough to taste but not enough for judgements to be overdone. she'll need those for later. if there even is a later. but this—standing at the beginnings of his long legged manspreading, close enough to exist in a middling orbit—is comfortable. the room hot and lively as ever. taunting still. like she's missing the dangerous allure of dancing. 

punk wasn't, isn't, a dancer. didn't, doesn't, do clubs. so it's here, sipping sweetened rum and feeling the mellow tremble of the music, that evie realizes she misses dancing. the party kind. low lights and a smile thats helpless to form. those few awkward missteps before the rhythm cements itself beneath the feet. bodies like puzzled pieces. breath and the lyrics to suggestive songs sneaking on the tongue. 

he reels her back in. "so what's up witchu? how you been?" shifting to the edge of the backless stool he'd eased on earlier. the set distance—enough to breathe without a full consumption—too far in between. legs smoothing out like a barrier, turning in to face the bar. the whole of him angling her in just right to let all her words catch his right ear. 

but this is all too crafted just to preamble small talk, surely. bodily maneuvers to corner her. to fill up his eyes with her face and the more nuanced expressions. maybe even to test her nerves. it was only right to meet him with some collectedness. even if the make of it is a semi-desperate shot in the dark. messy with an inner trembling. a swirl in the belly and tough weights in the chest. 

"toughing it through the semester...regular college shit". seconds of a dramatic sigh. an eye roll to top the cake. "post-boyfriend bullshit crisis averted thankfully". 

"it's time for some antics now huh?" his lips pulling up. a toothless amusement he tries to hide, but evie can recognize the gears turning over. a glint there in the eyes working to reveal the renewal of snuffed out ideas. 

she laughs. "see, you get it". 

"where is he anyways?"

"doing what i'm doing...". a few sips to sprinkle in suspense. his curiosities strung up and tattered with eagerness long before this tip-toe of a moment and waiting to be relieved in full. "...minding my own business. whatever i want with who i wanna do it with". 

a smirk and a hum deep enough to live beyond the bass of the music. 

"what about you?" playing with the tip of her straw. stirring and standing on the other end of that suspense she'd just given him. "i have a feeling i might've skipped the line a little. anyone i should be worried about?"

he shrugs. "i do my thing every now and then but it's all safe". an interesting, vague turn of phrase she's too unwilling to decipher. "nothing serious". 

"good". thats all she needs. a confirmation of the insignificance of all of this. sipping down the last of her drink before she's pulling him up. "lets go". 

a reward for all her steadfast, overthought troubles, that's what this is. an alluring tempo, curious fingers and the simple seduction of his cologne. a little rum swimming in the blood to tap the senses. some minor elevation. she could kiss whichever genius saw fit to create platforms big enough to give her height this much of a lift. a sweet rhythm in her hips, held firm in his hands. and all that residual love, she'll adorn rhea with later. the cut of her top perfect. a slim distance between the edge of the fabric and the waist of her skirt. enough for thumbs and slipping trails. thick palms and settled intentions.

a charming hum riding along the music. just there in her ear. arms thrown over his shoulders and the play of his nose along her neck. just where perfume blooms on the skin. taking advantage of all the exposures to skin. keeping the dance in her body close and the smell of her closer. 

damian makes it easy, makes falling into him far too easy. 

and the music doesn't do much else but fill the urge to leave. a flow beyond the brim. pride in the body, zipping fast and talking sweetly. a readiness, more prominent than those fickle little bits of doubt. 

"...you find yourself wanting to roll around with someone else, don't stop on my account..."

damian priest is card board cut out material. dreamy sighing daydreams. 2 AM, keyboard smashing, group chat sharing, story time gold. and no, not because he's worthy of a malicious little laugh session. no, damian is reserved for those, peaking from beneath the covers, giggle ridden, hot cheek feeling, the girls'waiting with bated breath' moments. because an explanation has got to be given. questions will be asked anyways. evie can feel the skin attempting to rise already on her neck. soft suckles at her pulse and his thick, wide palms taking their sweet time. cupping her face, at her nape, smooth down her arms, firm and urgent in her hips before he scares her. lets his tongue slip from her mouth and lifts in one go. hands at her thighs and an easiness rushing in to his face to match up against the alarm in hers. 

getting picked up like nothing is scary business, and if she were anymore delusional than the rare, obligatory amount, he'd have her thinking she was featherweight and too delicate to ever touch the floor again. 

but she's laid out on the bed before anything can rise up fast enough that sounds like an objection. remnants of beer on his tongue but nothing real to complain about. not when he's hiking her thighs up and about his waist. jeans on her comforter be damned. "sorry about the—the bed, s'really small". fucking cheap college twin mattress. 

"you're good...", an octave below tenor, and the way it plays, akin to purring. breathing at the seam of her lips. smiling, the affects obvious. letting a hand wander at the make of her fishnets. shoes forgotten and an endless shiver riding her bones. "...ican makeit work...", confidence taking up residence between his mouth as he purses. gentle and lingering, like maybe he's trying to temper down the fret shut up in her skin. he can feel it can't he? "you ok?" pushing up to look over her. 

her legs relax. "mmm, yeah i—", releasing him a little less quickly than she'd have liked too. clinching eyes and labored breaths. "...i just...", scrutiny bleeding it's way under her cheeks. because even if he isn't judging her, who'd tell her she's wrong to believe he is?  

"talk to me". 

and oh the fucking compassion. of course he'd give her this. let her make space for herself well enough for a heavy eyed spotlight. darkly penciled and pretty lashes. sitting up tall, even when against his knees. waiting for her to perform the ever terrible procedure of having to give loose thoughts life. "this is uh—happening a lot sooner... maybe a bit easier than i thought it would", giving a quick whip to the braids falling over her eyes as she moves to lean against her elbows. mumbling and avoiding. "...didn't really think up to this point much...".

planning to get laid and actually getting laid are two very distinct things. 

"you callin' me easy?" 

a weight plummeting to the bottom of her belly. "oh shit, no?! ..i mean..", voice wavering with a sliver of consideration, but the quirk in his brow is enough. "no!! i'm not". 

damian smiles. pulls up the hem of his mesh shirt till it's over his head and flopping to the floor. tattoos more clear to her now. muscle lines and the unhurried rise and fall of his chest. "s'not far from the truth". chuckling some. the harsh thud of his shoes kicking off, snapping the better of her attention back to his face. something observatory in his stare as it trails about her body. clothed still but hot and jittered some. an assessment to confirm already made thoughts she won't know unless she builds the courage to ask. belt pulling through and out the loops before it joins his thin shirt. "at least for you".

he moves. patient. sure. precision like second nature. the size of the mattress an easy obstacle. 

"meaning?"

and even with the audacity of all this sudden uneasiness, it doesn't exist well enough for her to stop him. to swat or kick or flinch. his hand gripping her calf to tug her to the center of the bed, thighs split and spread to accommodate his kneeling between them. but there are no caressing touches otherwise. no deep breathes taken from her skin for more of her perfume. no tender kisses and the type of moans that give her belly a good kind of troubling. 

"meaning, i'm down for leaving...", a shrug of something near indifference. not so apathetic. collected but with interest still. like her ending the night wouldn't end his interest but he'd surely comply with her wishes. an inference she's hoping is true. "...but also down for the fun of getting to touch you, if that's all it's gonna be...". this other possibility waking her senses anew after the bit of severing she'd caused. "...meaning we do whatchu want, how you want it".  

...sex is ego. too much. too little. the need for a faultless performance. expressions. impressions. meets and greets and tryst. the hair, the face, the clothes and lack thereof, the body. tough noise and more simple ones. words and the forever nature of outdoing...

it's inconclusive. a part of a whole. ushering him in, in a similar fashion to how he'd done her. closer and careful. testing her mouth against his for something delicate. thumbing his cheek and tasting remnants of beer still.  

he leans over in full, her legs pushing to bend with the motion, as a some years old comforter and pillows urge her to relax beneath him. short, pecking kisses still. interested but lacking. waiting still. his words falling in the midst of breathing and a hand returning to sweep and knead her inner thigh. "don't leave me hangin on hearing what i need". this twist in her belly, a gradual wringing out of already settled thoughts too shy to leave. he squeezes tight though, compelling. "don't get me used to this voice like that just to take it from me". 

the re-approach to intimacy. that's what it is, isn't it? is what makes her shiver and threaten to shrink. having to reconfigure all over again with someone new in the name of pleasure. 

giving to get. 

"i want you", a bright whisper. simple and effective. not too brilliant sounding but, shit, fuck it. no one ever said consent had to sound sexy did they? just clear enough for understanding. 

he enjoys it though. letting an earnest moan speak for him. tongue slipping in past her lips with that timeless ease it seems he's perfected, but it's more unhurried here. deep breathes in the nose for air and a little less than tempered running of her nails into his skin. a curved descent. tough groans from his chest and the float in of that funny notion she'd thought of earlier, back when the heat in her cheeks lived less full than now. short shorts and skirts and which proved more undemanding. but damian isn't bothered by any of the particulars. not the sudden lack of surety she'd taken on before discarding it, or the task of maneuvering her how he likes. 

a steady control, reaching that zipper at the back for a swift, curt opening. lifting to join her legs, pulling the material up and off. 

"easy access". evie mumbling warm at the corner of his mouth. 

he gives a smile. amusement reaching his eyes.

and evie has yet to feel the true blight of desperation—far too young for that type of pitiful bullshit—or at least thats what she thinks. has yet to yearn for something absolute. so hopefully this isn't the first moment of that? wispy sighs stretching into moans and his touch playing at the seat of her panties. ears full of the lower than tenor noise he makes. whatever this is rolling over the skin, it's just a slightly less refined go of things. the normal obligatory urges and needs. her soft tongue and a lazy curl up at his lips. kissing his mouth and her fingers nailing ticklish at his nape. enough to make him hum and shiver and press pass her underwear. the barely there taste of cheap rum and hoppy beer between them. 

a soaked nose and stained lungs. every breath full of his cologne still, more than before. falling out of the daze of his kissing and into the way his thumb catches onto her clit just right. parted lips for her moaning and near closed eyes. palms playing over him, the sort of touch that asks for more without saying. 

thick air and his hair sticking to his skin. satisfaction singing heavy in his chest as he makes to slip a finger in gently. patient enough to save from the trouble of discomfort, but to savor too. the way she melts and clings and pulses, tender and a little more than greedy. 

"you ok?", the question fanning at her pulse. 

and sure, he's sincere. takes her lack of words and wispy sighs as something to quiz. something to draw up concerned about. but even evie, regardless of how fast her brain is turning to mush, can detect the scattered pieces of pride. his teeth grazing and mouth kissing wet at her lip. a partial posturing, to lure her into building his own esteem. fucking college boys. her belly tightening, his finger pressing in till it fits at the base of his knuckle. and it shouldn't be this good for her, not nearly but it is and part of her is springing up with resentment. a very small voiceless, barely breathing resentment. 

a bite out of a whimper. "yeah", curt and small. head tipping into the edge of a pillow, nearly knocking into the wall. the running tip of his tongue at her throat. salty, sweet smelling skin and vulnerability. probably his favorite. 

her crop top lifting, with no guidance of her own. judgements and urges stalemated by the tender play of his finger. heart shaped piercings on display and her hips canting along with a whine. a signal for something more. sounding bright and fragile like the action of asking hurts to give fully. like he shouldn't make her to suffer that much. a short retraction before he gives in again, wet and thick and curling and—"fuuuck", a drawling exhale. a burst of a feeling. his tongue trying itself at her nipple. slow swirls to start, acclimations and such, before he's licking in to hold over and suck. hallow cheeks and stretchy moans. 

and evie hopes the flutter in her belly isn't a warning of the end already. that'd be bad. embarrassing. 

but it feels good. that building anticipation before something complete. 

her nails dull and combing through his hair, curling up from the heat and smooth to the touch. bursting sensations dying on the skin before they bloom again. endless fluttering and breath catching stirs at her clit. about her nerves. a meticulous tempo to dictate the rhythm. playing her well. in his time. a percussionist surely. "when'd you get these?", all casual and unbothered. giving her piercings a generous kiss. 

he expects her to answer doesn't he? 

"why?"

his mouth pursing lazy, more delirious than expected, along the valley between her breast. labored breaths buts its all just some reverencing. an appreciative groan. finding the perfume she'd rolled there before the nights festivities started. "never seen em". the noise of the pillow near her head twisting as his grip burdens it. an excitement maybe, from heart shaped studded piercings and the warmth of spicy sweet perfume. 

evie can't help the shy snort that leaves. his audacity showing, even amidst the heat and pleasure. "my titties aren't an exh—", breath caught short. a tight gasp and her hips rolling mindless for a clumsy rut. a second finger to join the first. cooly paced and so damn good. "oohhshiiit damian". 

"mhmm...", an appreciative groan. for praising his efforts. for roughing him closer. for clutching at his fingers with a greediness he can admire and rise up from with a better made esteem, not that he needs it. breaths drawing on her chest still. lax and wanton and taunting. "they're not a what?" retracting his maneuvers like she wasn't on the cusp of something nice. 

"an exhibition", evie huffs. rolling her hips to rekindle things. a recall to action and such. purposefully denying amidst the throes is dickhead behavior but she'll wade through it for the sake of a good finish. but not before a bit of truth. "i wear em for me...", his mouth drifting up to hers again. sitting at the seams. "...so if you see em, it's cuz i let you". 

"i should be saying thank you". 

"you should". 

and maybe the way he resumes his ministrations and slips his tongue into her mouth is his 'thank you'. fingering thick through her pussy and drawing fervent pass her lips. a kiss made to savor. to suffocate. an attempt to steal the air in her lungs and the moans that try at forming something more melodious. lewd noise prickling her ears and shuddering her skin. evidence of a pleasure stained with need. with a craving she hasn't been able to satiate alone since her chat with punk. making space between them for the sake of not falling into old habits too quickly. 

if she's free to do whatever, then it'd be better to look for something different right? 

well this feels different. tumultuous in the body. curt breaths and her nerves dragging rough and wild amidst exactly what she'd been looking for. the pads of his fingers snug just there, where the bliss grows a little terrible with how great it is. undeniable and wrecking. seizing quietly, held up and reeling. sinking dull nails into his skin from the break of it before the relief washes over. 

blood thumping in the ears a little. evie's breathing underscored with whines. fragile and stressed. 

and you'd think he'd be gracious enough to let her collect her damn bearings, but he doesn't. eases his fingers from the mess between her legs and makes quick work of savoring it. slipping against her till he's off and kneeling at the plush carpet. an abrupt jerking tug to her leg to pull her in. 

evie moore nearly hangs off the edge of the bed. dim eyed and already blissed out. what more could the oh so talented percussionist do to shake her down into nothing but sweet noise? 

she should stop wondering about things just before their inception. it plays like jinxing after a while. lands her in situations like these. spread thighs and the flat of his tongue licking through all the mess he'd just wrung from her. on the verge of a hiccup from the shock. 

a threat in her legs to close. the impact far too grand and rich for still over-boiled blood. she hasn't recovered just yet from the first. her fingers curling deep in the sheets for a sure enough anchoring and her eyes twisting to close. tough breaths and whatever this is pulling through lax and mindless. "...damian...oohhfuuck...". a plead or a warning or a mixture of the two. this is no place to decipher scrambled thoughts for words absolute. 

a full gasp. full lungs and a groan to match the intensity. his mouth wrapping about her clit to suck and his tongue pushing over. a professional method that isn't worth investigating but fuck if it isn't practiced and perfect. 

"ohhmmyy—mhphm", quivering erratic. arched up off the sheets and a barely graceful roll in her hips spurring to meet his mouth. 

but the man is all coordination isn't he? keeping time and playing in the pocket. hot touch lifting her up from where she almost hangs off the bed. ushering her hips into his mouth with a pace he likes. 

and she can't manage much anymore but wordless noise. an abundance of pleasure building again to ruin her. a tired ache in her legs and more of that recking fullness. till the damn breaks. evidence of the end dripping past his tongue and tainting the sheets. laundry issues to figure out later. a heavy hand attempting to push the eagerness of him away to maintain whats left of her sanity. obviously he wants her dead—admonishing the mess of her folds with licks and kisses—and if not dead..

than maybe some rapturous incapacitation...

[being-kindrad]

Interest in a dedicated feminist online forum community?

What are women's thoughts here on an online feminist community, a forum (like phpBB for example), for discussions? Would enough women would be interested in this? Forum software has decreased in popularity, but is still used for niche subjects/communities. (Some real life examples: https://www.reef2reef.com/ and https://www.gardenstew.com/) I'm mildly interested in trying to set up forum software as a technical learning experience, but only if there would actually be interest in using it (because it would cost me money to buy a domain name and web hosting).

It seems like there are so little dedicated spaces for feminist women on the internet. Most feminist communities seem to be libfem, and/or plainly taken over by men (if they purport TWAW, then they definitely are taken over by men). Tumblr has a radfem community, but it's still part of a larger social media system which involves many TRAs (some of which harass radfems), and men, porn bots, etc. Ovarit is useful for consciousness raising, but it seems to me like the Overton window has been shifting towards more conservative takes than feminist ones, especially in how there appears to be more anti-trans takes on there than actual gender critical feminist ones, which kind of makes me bored of it. And so again, radfems are then stuck in a larger community, this one of conservative/non-feminist women, who are there because they dislike trans people and appear to have found a space where they can safely make fun of them and not actually to discuss gender critical content (the recent realization that I even need to be defending common feminist stances like women's right to abortion on Ovarit has been demoralizing). I basically want to make a place where feminist women can just take a break and not have to constantly be building up from ground zero, defending against TRA insults, arguing against conservative/right-wing rhetoric, and instead maybe discussing feminist topics or just chilling in some hobby forum sections or something, idk.

I was initially going to call it a "radfem community" but I see no reason for the community to not include women who identify more with other branches of feminism like gender critical feminism, black feminism, lesbian feminism, eco feminism, socialist feminism, intersectional feminism (I mean the original definition of intersectional, not "tumblrized intersectionality"), etc.

I think there would need to be some "gatekeeping" involved so that it doesn't end up filling up with neoliberal feminists ["choice feminism"] or "prolife feminists" [an oxymoron], so that would need to be figured out. This community would not be meant to be a place for feminists to have to hand-hold people and slowly explain over and over how gender is sexist, or how porn is misogyny, or how abortion is a part of women's healthcare and bodily autonomy. This place would be meant to be a solace from that. Imagine trying to participate in a Calculus class where people who haven't even taken algebra are constantly joining the class and asking "why the fuck are there letters with numbers in math now?!" The class would barely, if at all, progress. Likewise, this community would be for feminist women to have an agreed upon basis for basic feminist stances, and move forward with deeper analysis. There are plenty of other online communities for women who are new to (non-lib)feminism to learn about how "but I like wearing makeup, it's art" isn't a feminist stance. We don't need to keep spending finite energy hashing this out, we need to be able to move forward.

My basic thoughts so far:

It would be women-only. (But there would be no vetting that would involve requiring to share personal information, it would just be an honor system.)

I think there must be some basic feminist stances that members need to agree on, otherwise the community might as well just be a part of any mainstream social media platform. I would assume a decent starting point would be: gender critical, pro-choice, anti-prostitution, anti-pornography, anti-surrogacy, anti-beauty culture?

Some category ideas I have so far: feminism (with maybe different sections for the branches of feminism, and sections for discussing feminist books/websites/documentaries); politics (with sections for discussing or sharing news about feminist political topics like reproductive rights [for abortion, birth control, bodily autonomy], gender critical, surrogacy, prostitution, etc.; spirituality (for those who are into Wicca, or other spiritual beliefs); casual (for general chat, hobbies, music, arts, etc.)

So yeah, what are women's thoughts on here about this?

Would this type of community interest you?

What would you want to see in it?

What would you not want to see in it?

Has this been done before and I am just oblivious? (I tried searching for "feminist forum," but nothing relevant seem to come up.)

Am I naive and this is not going to work?

Please let me know! I welcome any opinions. Thank you. 💜

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

While I'm on a kick of being really open about my sexuality, lets just start throwing shit out there and seeing how people interact with it

People who have followed me from the beginning will know that most of my partners get some quippy little nickname assigned to them in place of a name for the internet, and I want to name that this actually DOESN'T come from where might think (or rather it's still infosec, but it goes beyond "don't post the actual names of people you fuck online"

In the scene I have most cultural context for, people often came to group play sessions with an alias (I have one too lol, and it's the only name I ever introduce myself to partners as, mine has been static for going on a decade now). You would introduce yourselves to playmates under your alias, and often you would continue to use it as a marker of in-scene vs out-scene topics of conversation (e.g. sometimes people will talk about their aliases in third person as a whole entity with their own motivation, life, and power, my mom used to talk about "her friend [redacted 1]" if she ever needed to be able to reference a thing without naming explicitly that she and [redacted 1] were the same person, and there are friends of hers who still call her exclusively by that name in private because they have loved each other for going on 50 years now and [redacted 1] is still their partner and love even if mom isn't and vice versa).

So for example, on here, I will refer to any metamours by the plural-inclusive term The Metamour with very little discussion of which one or how many there are or whatever. But in person, I call one metamour [redacted 2] and another metamour [redacted 3] because they were introduced to me by their aliases first, and I genuinely DID NOT KNOW THEY'RE ACTUAL NAMES until after we had become real friends lol.

Anyway, Youtube Boy doesn't know that his nickname here is Youtube Boy, and that's not his alias in scene, nor his actual name, but critically these terms allow me to side step early uncertainties around terms like "boyfriend/girlfriend/datemate/etc" which may imply a degree of romantic entanglement I'm genuinely uncomfortable with. On occasion during this round of posting, I have gone "well it's CLEARER tho" and tried to type out "my boyfriend" about one of my current partners (partner does not carry this same issue for me, as I have always carried dual connotations of Romantic Oartner and Play Partner, so I feel no discomfort/cognitive dissonance with it's implications) and every time I do it I physically cringe away from the screen and delete it. Maybe he wouldn't feel the same way, and hell maybe I won't forever either! But I have almost never been willing to use a word like boyfriend without fairly explicit conversations about commitment, meaning to each other, and boundaries that just don't come up all the time in play partnerships for me you know?

Anyway, what I'm saying here is that sometimes the point of being a slut is to get to be every iteration of yourself that you love being independently from each other in a space that adequately facilitates that iteration of you. I like the people I play with to each get absolutely all of me that is available to them, and I **LIKE** that this often means I get to spend time as different important aspects of self, wholly and without self-doubt or minimization.

And hell, sometimes I even name the iteratioms and let them become something bigger than just a "version of me" and that can be fun too.

[damnfandomproblems]

Fandom Problem #9161:

I feel like a lot of online activists focus so much on creating an in versus out group and using shame/bullying/harrassment of said out group that they only result in taking people from the middle and either straight up push them to opposite side so to speak or they make them completely unwilling to listen to either side

I'm going to use Harry Potter fans as an example since most people in fandom spaces have at least some vague knowledge of it as an IP and some knowledge of the author and her bigotry, and it's something I have more personal experience with these kind of activists in that fandom

It's such a dumb way to approach the topic of what to do when a creator is problematic because most people aren't involved in fandom, and most people don't vent every author who's book they read to make sure they're not problematic. Most Harry Potter fans in the real world just straight up don't have idea of who J.K Rowling is beyond that just being the name on the books. I was one of these people, and so was my trans brother, he was the one who recommended the series to me actually

We both read the books and since he isn't as chronically online as I am, I eventual joined the fandom and he didn't. It never crossed my mind to look up the author because I just don't care about who make what, I just read and enjoy and move on with my life. When I started getting death/rape/doxxing threats, suibaiting, people wishing harm and illness on me and my family and pets out of the blue for being transphobic it did nothing to encourage me to drop the fandom, it just made me stay purely out of spite and because no one bothered to explain why they were sending such awful hatemail, I just figured it was the usual crazies being jealous of a creator and I wanted to defend this random lady who, as far as I knew at the time, probably didn't do anything to deserve this because 99% of the time creators who get a lot of hate like that don't deserve it. It wasn't until someone politely messaged me explaining what was happen and who J.K Rowling is that I knew she that not only did she not need defending, she earned that hate and deserved it

But something this person also did not do was shame me for being interested and attached to fictional world, rather they told me to continue engaging with it if I wanred to, just to do it a way that divorce the author from the material—such as encouraging me to use my library to check out the movies if i ever wanted to watch them or to buy them second hand and to encourage others irl and online to do them so that women isn't getting money from my continued enjoyment

There was no shame, just kindness and acceptance. And when I shared who J.K Rowling is with my brother he didn't even give a shit if I continued to read the books or not, hell, he continued to borrow my because he also enjoyed them an we both agreed as long as didn't give her money, they're no harm in continuing to have fun with the Harry Potter universe

I feel like assuming everyone in the fandom is transphobic and evil and treating them as such is just rude and frankly, immature. People can't help if they find something interesting or form an attachment to it before finding out some aspect of it bad. Shaming them and telling them that that interest or attachment is bad, is just shaming someone for something they can't control and that only drives people away from your cause and from doing what you want them to

It just makes so more sense to to me to rather throw away that shaming bullshit and to instead just encourage people to be smart with how they approach/indulge in that interest/attachment, such as encouraging people to use libraries, shop second hand, pirate, etc and to kindly explain why they should do that. It also has the added benefit of probably pissing the problematic creator since not only are all these people they hate finding enjoyment in their work, they're doing so while divorcing them from it so they don't get any money

The hate activism doesn't even feel like activists because it does nothing to actually help, it just feels like you want to be abusive to strangers and get away with it

Sorry this is really rambly, it's midnight and i got the inspiration to submit this while drunk talking with my brother about the topic (and before anyone gets on my ass for specifying he's trans earlier, he knows and doesn't give a shit because 1. This submission is anonymous and 2. He gets how it's kind of relevant that he, a trans dude, doesn't give a shit about having fun in the fandom as long as they don't give J.K Shitling their money when these hate activities love to disagree)

[darcytaylor]

When “Just Looking at the Evidence” Becomes a Problem

Before I get into this, I want to be clear - this is not directed at shippers who simply enjoy Luke and Nicola’s chemistry, those who appreciate them as people, or those who respect their private lives.

Shipping is a natural part of fandoms, and when done respectfully, I think it’s fine.

This post is directed at the people who have taken shipping to an extreme - those who have convinced themselves they are "just looking at the evidence" while weaving together wild, invasive, and often insensitive theories. At that point, it’s no longer shipping - it’s something entirely different.

Shipping vs. Fantasizing: Know the Difference

There’s a huge difference between harmlessly shipping people - whether fictional characters or even co-stars - and creating elaborate fantasies about real individuals. While shipping can be a fun way to engage with a story or fandom, projecting detailed, speculative narratives onto real people can cross into invasive territory.

Shipping: Enjoying the chemistry, friendship, or dynamic between people, often in a fictional or lighthearted context.

Fantasizing: Constructing speculative stories about real people’s private lives, often based on incomplete information (and flawed so-called "evidence") without regard for their boundaries.

Why Fantasizing About Real People Crosses the Line

When fans create elaborate narratives about real people, it can:

Blur the line between fiction and reality: Making it harder for others to separate speculation from truth.

Perpetuate false narratives: Leading to harassment or invasions of privacy.

Disrespect individuals: By reducing their lives to a storyline crafted for entertainment.

People are far more nuanced than the curated glimpses we get online or in public. Social media posts, photos, or even patterns of behaviour aren’t a roadmap to someone’s inner life or relationships. They’re just snapshots - fragments of a much larger, unseen picture. And often, those fragments don’t connect the way people want them to.

The Loophole That Isn't a Loophole

I’ve seen some people claim that Nicola saying "If you have an opinion about me, that's ok. I understand I'm on TV and people will have things to think and say, but I beg you not to send them to me directly" somehow gives them permission to speculate about things like pregnancy.

Let’s be real - that is absolutely not what she meant. She’s literally acknowledging that people will have opinions, but she’s also making it clear that things like that make her uncomfortable. Saying "Don’t bring it to me" doesn’t mean she’s fine with people debating her body - it means she knows shitty people exist, but she’d rather not be subjected to it.

And sure, maybe you’re not sending it to her directly - but you are still doing the exact thing that makes her uncomfortable. And by putting it out into public spaces, you’re making it far more likely that it gets back to her indirectly. So whatever justification people think they’ve found? It’s fucking moot. It’s still insensitive.

Belief Doesn’t Equal Truth

Believing you’ve pieced together the “truth” because some moments appear to align is misguided. It overlooks the unknowns - the context we’re missing and the layers that exist in people’s lives. Just because something can seem a certain way doesn’t mean it is that way.

Humility matters. Recognizing that no matter how much you think you know, you actually know very little. Taking a step back and saying, “I don’t know what’s really going on” is not only more truthful but also shows respect for the people involved.

It’s okay to want people to be together - innocent shipping of loving chemistry between people is okay - but it’s not okay to create wildly speculative stories that exist only in your own mind.

Humility in Speculation: Knowing What We Don’t Know

Here’s the truth - I don’t know the full picture. None of us do. I don’t know Luke and Nicola as people, and I don’t know the ins and outs of their personal lives. And that’s okay. I'm not going to piece together and come up with my own flawed story about other peoples lives.

What I do know is that certain theories and speculation can be harmful, even when people think they’re harmless. Just because something is being discussed publicly, or even “positively,” doesn’t mean it isn’t invasive. (Cough spreading invasive pregnancy rumors cough). It doesn't mean it is kind. The line between curiosity and intrusion is thinner than people think.

Even if you think you've “figured something out,” there is always so much more you will never see, hear, or understand. Just because an idea feels compelling or fits a certain pattern doesn’t mean it reflects the truth.

So before engaging in deep speculation, it’s worth asking:

Am I respecting their privacy?

Am I letting curiosity turn into entitlement?

Am I remembering that these are real people, not fictional characters?

On the Idea of “Being Duped”

I’ve also noticed some frustration in the fandom, with people feeling like Luke and Nicola somehow “duped” the public with their behaviour on tour.

What we saw on tour was not unusual for two people who:

Are comfortable with each other.

Work together (and especially in the acting world).

Have shared an intense, career-defining experience.

This kind of dynamic isn’t uncommon in the entertainment industry or in any field where people work closely together (I know from personal experience). Their bond is unique, but that doesn’t mean it has to be romantic. To me, it’s always read as a deep friendship, a strong professional partnership, and two people who genuinely enjoy working together. And it really is beautiful!

I think some people wanted their interactions to confirm a specific narrative, and now that things aren’t aligning with that, they feel misled. But that’s not on Luke or Nicola. It’s a reminder that interpretation is subjective, and that sometimes, we project our own expectations onto things rather than seeing them for what they are.

The Consequences of Unchecked Fantasies

Making up stories about real people and treating those stories as fact (even when you say that you are okay if you are wrong, or if you say that you are just speculating) adds to:

Noise and confusion: Amplifying drama and misinterpretation.

Unnecessary pressure: On the individuals involved, complicating their personal lives further.

Public harassment: Rumours often escalate, influencing others to unfairly judge or attack. Bringing it indirectly to the main people in your fantasies.

Sure, you can feel like you’ve pieced together a narrative in your mind that makes sense to you. But actors are human beings, not characters in a fan-fiction. They shouldn’t be stripped down to an idea of what you think they should or shouldn’t be doing.

I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again - people are nuanced. People are dimensional. If you don’t know them personally, you have no idea what goes on in their day-to-day lives. A few curated moments from interviews or social media will never give anyone the full picture.

I’ve seen a lot of people build theories around what they believe is evidence. But if you really looked at it critically, you would find that much of it is based on assumptions rather than actual confirmation. It’s worth asking - are you trying to make reality fit the story you want to believe?

Public speculation/fantasizing can have consequences that extend beyond the screen - impacting the real people you claim to support.