#this isn't about only online spaces this is about something from real life

[bunnys-kisses]

https://www.tumblr.com/bunnys-kisses/768349619894861824/im-holding-your-hand-when-im-saying-this-as-a?source=share

people started asking crane (Max’s friend) on stream if Lestappen (Charles and max) is real. I think he was like “I shouldn’t be furthering/entertaining this” (I forgot what he said word for word). People took it as something to be excited about, that the drivers are aware of the ships and all, but idk. I think fandoms are getting too bold for my liking. I have no problem with shipping, but this parasocial behaviour is out of hand. I saw this when 1D was still a group (with Harry x Louis shippers harassing Louis to the point where he got so upset when the ship was referenced in the popular show Euphoria), I’ve seen it with Kpop in which idols have stopped hanging out publicly because fandoms get out of hand (a girl in the group Aespa had a boyfriend earlier this year and fans got very upset because they shipped her and another member and they broke up. A few years ago, 2 members of two different kpop groups (SNSD and EXO) dated and the girl got harassed at the airport even). And now this.

Fandoms get so parasocial so quickly, it’s insane. It’s not new behaviour, but it’s strange.

exactly, this isn't new behavior. but i feel like it's become more emboldened with how much more "online" both fans and companies/groups are.

more under the cut, because this is a long one....

i also think it ties into this notion that i've been seeing online about how fans have this feeling to be "right" both with rpf and fiction as well. that their theories, opinions and whatever else is "correct". i've seen this with like pieces of media like steven universe and even star wars. like fandom isn't fun anymore, it has become this weird one up over each other. i honestly don't know when this changed, my guess is around the pandemic when it seemed like people were more logged into the internet. but, i could be wildly off with that. (if you have an idea, i'd love to know). it just feels stupid in so many ways how fandoms are structured. even if you're not the "best" artist or writer, people can't have FUN in fandom - of course that doesn't mean it has to be absolved criticism. you can have fun and still call out hate within spaces. the issue with formula one (along with k-pop like you mentioned, anon), is that these aren't characters. this isn't arguing in the tags over is finnpoe or reylo is more valid or legitimate within the narrative. these are REAL people, with REAL friends, families and partners.

it's this weird push to have someone's theory - and while i have a soft spot for lestappen, it is at the end of the day nothing more than fan theory - be confirmed. also personally, if hattie (oscar's sister) or crane (max's friend) "outed" them, i would be horribly fucking offended on oscar/max's behalf. to have someone you TRUST just out you like that. it's sick. maybe it's because i worked in queer spaces from high school all the way through uni, and the number one rule no matter WHAT, is you never out someone. even if the question is harmless and the person asking has no ill intention. you never out another person, because it's not YOUR coming out. so the fact that fans are near begging these people to OUT their loved ones, is not only a level of delusion that i can't ever comprehend. but, also it could honestly, ruin that interpersonal relationship.

so like even if a driver is queer, whoever it may be. could be a driver from the 90s, could be a driver today, it could be a driver in five years, i don't want someone else in their life outing them. because that's THEIR story. and fans need to realize that. bothering crane or hattie or alexandra (i've seen that too) - isn't helping anyone and it makes you look unhinged and weirdly alienates not only the driver but their loved ones. YES, they knew it exists, it is EVERYWHERE. but shoving it in their faces doesn't help. and you're never going to get the confirmation because there is a high chance that their not even queer to begin with. and if they are, NOT OUR CONCERN

i don't have a problem writing or consuming rpf, it is not a crime nor do i think it should be stopped. like HAVE FUN. but you have to realize that it's not like debating star wars or marvel or whatever other piece of fictional media. formula one is REAL, they are not actors. they are athletes, and unless you want all rpf to be shut down some how. i suggest the likes of some of ya'll need to understand that there are different boundaries. and respect them.

i know they're all millionaires, but they still breathe and bleed as a friend of mine once said. it's fun to put them in little scenarios in fanworks, but just keep it out of their direct attention. there are unspoken boundaries, that some of ya'll need have said to you apparently.

asking oscar issac if he THINKS that finnpoe is real is VERY different than asking someone's sister if she thinks her REAL LIFE BROTHER is fucking his REAL LIFE TEAMMATE. - people's relationships have turned to ash over insistent rpf in their faces all the time.

my advice at the end of the day is: have fun, don't write or draw it because you want confirmation that it's a real relationship. write or draw it because you're having fun. fandom is about making friends and shipping in whatever context is about finding a slice of community on the vast internet, not cracking the code of if it is a real relationship. - bunny.

[nthflower]

Sometimes Christians acts like they are the only one that's allowed to be traumatised by their religion and who can hate and mock it. Like all other religions are pure innocent peaceful ways and opressed but Christianity is okay to mock because ughhh. Like only they are allowed to be traumatised and victim there.

But also when I say this then some extremely angry ex-muslims and islamaphobics comes and use this to spread hate about Muslim people which is also ughhh.

Like your average Muslim have zero differences than your average Christian why can't you treat them same.

[usercelestial]

okay this means nothing to anyone but every time i see an anti bucktommy girlie have a horrible take i have to take a step back and realize how genuinely small they feel. like imagine throwing a fit, drawing pictures of a person as a lizard, creating blogs and posts about how much you want to kill him all over a fictional relationship that may not even last the entire duration of a show about firefighters. like permanently altering relationships and rejecting friendships over things like this. like they have such a cesspit inside themselves, they are deeply unhappy with being online in these spaces, they are tormenting themselves over something that doesn't matter and i remember how much i can't let myself fall into that like oh my god please never let me be that kind of person

[being-kindrad]

Interest in a dedicated feminist online forum community?

What are women's thoughts here on an online feminist community, a forum (like phpBB for example), for discussions? Would enough women would be interested in this? Forum software has decreased in popularity, but is still used for niche subjects/communities. (Some real life examples: https://www.reef2reef.com/ and https://www.gardenstew.com/) I'm mildly interested in trying to set up forum software as a technical learning experience, but only if there would actually be interest in using it (because it would cost me money to buy a domain name and web hosting).

It seems like there are so little dedicated spaces for feminist women on the internet. Most feminist communities seem to be libfem, and/or plainly taken over by men (if they purport TWAW, then they definitely are taken over by men). Tumblr has a radfem community, but it's still part of a larger social media system which involves many TRAs (some of which harass radfems), and men, porn bots, etc. Ovarit is useful for consciousness raising, but it seems to me like the Overton window has been shifting towards more conservative takes than feminist ones, especially in how there appears to be more anti-trans takes on there than actual gender critical feminist ones, which kind of makes me bored of it. And so again, radfems are then stuck in a larger community, this one of conservative/non-feminist women, who are there because they dislike trans people and appear to have found a space where they can safely make fun of them and not actually to discuss gender critical content (the recent realization that I even need to be defending common feminist stances like women's right to abortion on Ovarit has been demoralizing). I basically want to make a place where feminist women can just take a break and not have to constantly be building up from ground zero, defending against TRA insults, arguing against conservative/right-wing rhetoric, and instead maybe discussing feminist topics or just chilling in some hobby forum sections or something, idk.

I was initially going to call it a "radfem community" but I see no reason for the community to not include women who identify more with other branches of feminism like gender critical feminism, black feminism, lesbian feminism, eco feminism, socialist feminism, intersectional feminism (I mean the original definition of intersectional, not "tumblrized intersectionality"), etc.

I think there would need to be some "gatekeeping" involved so that it doesn't end up filling up with neoliberal feminists ["choice feminism"] or "prolife feminists" [an oxymoron], so that would need to be figured out. This community would not be meant to be a place for feminists to have to hand-hold people and slowly explain over and over how gender is sexist, or how porn is misogyny, or how abortion is a part of women's healthcare and bodily autonomy. This place would be meant to be a solace from that. Imagine trying to participate in a Calculus class where people who haven't even taken algebra are constantly joining the class and asking "why the fuck are there letters with numbers in math now?!" The class would barely, if at all, progress. Likewise, this community would be for feminist women to have an agreed upon basis for basic feminist stances, and move forward with deeper analysis. There are plenty of other online communities for women who are new to (non-lib)feminism to learn about how "but I like wearing makeup, it's art" isn't a feminist stance. We don't need to keep spending finite energy hashing this out, we need to be able to move forward.

My basic thoughts so far:

It would be women-only. (But there would be no vetting that would involve requiring to share personal information, it would just be an honor system.)

I think there must be some basic feminist stances that members need to agree on, otherwise the community might as well just be a part of any mainstream social media platform. I would assume a decent starting point would be: gender critical, pro-choice, anti-prostitution, anti-pornography, anti-surrogacy, anti-beauty culture?

Some category ideas I have so far: feminism (with maybe different sections for the branches of feminism, and sections for discussing feminist books/websites/documentaries); politics (with sections for discussing or sharing news about feminist political topics like reproductive rights [for abortion, birth control, bodily autonomy], gender critical, surrogacy, prostitution, etc.; spirituality (for those who are into Wicca, or other spiritual beliefs); casual (for general chat, hobbies, music, arts, etc.)

So yeah, what are women's thoughts on here about this?

Would this type of community interest you?

What would you want to see in it?

What would you not want to see in it?

Has this been done before and I am just oblivious? (I tried searching for "feminist forum," but nothing relevant seem to come up.)

Am I naive and this is not going to work?

Please let me know! I welcome any opinions. Thank you. 💜

[scribblesbyavi]

There is something special about Tumblr, a corner of the internet where connections bloom unexpectedly and friendships thrive. Among the countless users, I found a handful of people who quickly became some of my favorite individuals. It isn't a large group, but they mean the world to me. Each conversation, every shared post, created a bond that felt both unique and lasting.

I often wondered if I could have connected with even more people, made more friends, if only I had reached out first. But I never looked for quantity and it wasn’t in my nature to be the one to start a conversation, and so, most of my connections were serendipitous—someone else reaching out or a shared interest that naturally sparked a dialogue. Still, I was content. In real life, I already had a circle of great friends, people I loved and trusted. But the friendships I found on Tumblr? They were different.

It is hard to explain to anyone who hasn’t experienced it, the depth of these online bonds. With my Tumblr friends, there was an immediate connection, a shared understanding that transcended the usual barriers of time and space. We talked, we laughed, we learned from one another. They weren’t just usernames on a screen—they became people I cherished, people I would hold dear for life.

But Tumblr, for all its wonders, is also a place of goodbyes. Just as suddenly as someone could appear in your life, they could vanish. One day, you’d log in to find that a familiar name, a trusted voice, was no longer there. Maybe they had moved on, or perhaps life had simply pulled them in another direction. Regardless of the reason, they were gone, and the absence was palpable.

I miss every person I’ve ever met on Tumblr and lost touch with. The friendships we built, the moments we shared, all still linger in my memory. Though they may be gone from my daily life, they remain a part of my story. They were more than just fleeting acquaintances—they were people who left an imprint, even if our time together was brief. Same goes to all the people I ever connected online on any social media platform.

And so, while I continue to cherish the friends I’ve kept, I also hold space for those who have drifted away, grateful for the time we had and the connection we shared.

[utilitycaster]

actually taking the last bit out of the tags of that post because here is the thing. and I'm going to use specific examples, because I think it's illustrative.

the two groups of people in this fandom who have specifically harassed me have been, as I've said before, imo/dna fans mad I don't find the ship very good, and (to be fair, only on one occasion) shadowido/mauk fans who got mad that I said that tagging ao3 fic about throuples with individual pairs sucks. [hilariously the latter was not even about them at all, it was about me looking for imogen and fearne ship fic that wasn't witchy trio fic and finding it almost impossible to filter].

I do not like these people because they have engaged with harassment. It is not about identity; it is about actions. My closest friend, and the first non-family member I talked to on Wednesday morning, is a bi woman in an open marriage to a woman, with a longterm male partner. I was a bridesmaid in her wedding. The last time I visited her, in September, I was joined by other mutual friends, who are similarly in an open marriage with longterm partners and at least one relationship between two women.

I am entirely secure, in my personal life, that I am kind and accepting to queer women (of which I am one) and to poly people (of which I am not), and so I hope you can appreciate that if someone attempts to attack me on the internet on these grounds because I do not have the same exact opinions on pretend people kissing, my response isn't "oh my god I should go off and die because I'm a terrible person," it's "get a load of this moron making wild assumptions about my personal life based on a single data point in my preferences in fiction; I'm going to make them regret doing this to me, and hopefully anyone else, because this is genuinely a detrimental behavior in the fandom space." And also, you know what. If they were a homeless person on the street and asked for a dollar I would still give it to them if their attacks were merely verbal (yes, I know the idea of someone screaming "YOU'RE A LESBOPHOBE FOR HATING IMO/DNA can i have a dollar" outside the grocery store is rather comical, and I think that is how you need to consider statements like "um actually I won't help pro-shippers." Imagine that conversation happening in an irl activist group. Everyone would be like "uh...anyway, how do we fight back against this hostile bench architecture.")

I think right now it is vitally important to remember what actual bigotry looks like and what needs to be fought, and the reason I tapped the sign of this post last night is literally that I think you are wasting time and energy engaging with people who think bigotry is "criticizing the pretend guy Ashton Greymoore for concrete but pretend choices they made" when I also think most people criticizing Ashton would, if Ashton were real, still toss them change if they needed it, or are people who currently donate to or otherwise work with local programs that assist nb people, disabled people, or unhoused children.

I like to argue and I like to engage in fandom and I will continue doing that because it is a source of enjoyment and comfort for me, but I really urge everyone to ask yourself "am I arguing about genuinely different readings, or do I think that everyone who doesn't like my blorbo ship is a bad person" because if it's the latter, I think you need to nip that in the bud of online fandom before it grows into something darker and worse. A lot of irl hate and bigotry starts from a place of "everyone who doesn't agree with me and give me what I want all the time is wrong and evil" and perhaps I am too optimistic, but I think many people who say things like that in fandom just are caught up in the drama of it all and are capable of exercising empathy when they stop treating shipping or interpretation like a popularity contest that, if they lose, indicates that everyone around them is irredeemable. But I also think it can be the start of a really bad path.

[cripplecharacters]

In general, how would you approach writing nonhuman/feral characters with disabilities? How would you balance the symptoms animals usually show vs human symptoms, experiences and available accomodations?

I'm considering giving my Warrior Cats character with TBI-induced blindness (yes, I know, these books are awful about disability rep and yet I can't help but get attached) a guide animal of some sort, but... in real life blind cats can get by just fine using their whiskers, and though realism isn't a concern here, I'm worried that'll come across as nonsensical. However, I'm personally uncomfortable with writing yet another blind character that doesn't need mobility aids despite not being able to distinguish objects from one another "properly". He may not be totally blind, but I feel like I'd be contributing to the misconceptions surrounding my own condition that way. Thoughts?

Thank you for your ask! In real life animals, including cats, have been known to assign themselves as a guide for a blind packmate, usually walking on the side with less vision to help with navigation. Sometimes an animal of another species will act as a guide, but only if they’re bonded. This also occurs more often in domesticated animals, so if you don’t want the guide to be another cat you could do something like a dog, chicken or rat (though I’d imagine the last two would be hard to keep in a cat pack!).

You could also have your character able to move around unassisted in familiar areas that he is often in, but need assistance in unfamiliar areas.

As for writing your character, I’d say research how his injury affects his other senses. Touch, smell, hearing and limb movement can be affected by a traumatic brain injury, and it would definitely affect your character's ability to get around.

As of now, this blog unfortunately doesn’t have any blind mods (applications are still open as of posting this). However, you can check out other blogs for more information on blindness, such as BlindBeta, AskABlindPerson, and Mimzy-Writing-Online.

Have a lovely day!

Mod Rot

Hello!

When talking about TBI induced blindness, you have to keep in mind that it's different from ocular blindness. The brain-based type of blindness is called CVI, or Cortical Visual Impairment, and it's very common.

(Note: I have done a lot of research on CVI, but I don't have it myself. I heavily encourage you to check the blogs that Rot mentioned.)

A CVI will often have different symptoms than ocular blindness. For example, the character's field of view could be severely limited - the left (or right, or top, or bottom...) half of their vision could be non-existent, and the other half could be what is sometimes described as "incomprehensible". It could also present in infinitely different ways from that, as it can be very diverse.

CVI is often fluid and the person (or cat) can function very differently depending on the circumstances like fatigue or stress or even the weather. If he's having a horrible day he will be able to understand the visual input less than when he's doing fantastic.

With CVI, it's important to remember that visual acuity generally won't be the main problem, but the brain's comprehension of the image is. This is where cat-available accommodations can hopefully come in.

Showing him experiencing visual fatigue and how he deals with it could be one of them. During his kitty activities he could prefer to have them spaced out so that he only sees one at a time and makes it easier for his brain to comprehend without tiring him out. A cluttered environment would probably only make it worse, so you can have him make sure that everything is nice and in its place. He could also take longer to recognize new objects or cats.

If he has, for example, very limited field of vision, then he could have his kitty house (I don't know how warrior cats work I'm trying my best here) arranged so that it would work for him; i.e. everything being on a specific height.

I also very much agree with Rot that he should have more symptoms than just blindness. One example of a brain-based cat disability could be cerebellar hypoplasia; it can't be caused by a TBI, but it causes ataxia which can be a result of a TBI (mildly complicated, sorry). Either way you can use it as a reference to visualize how your character could move.

I hope this helps, I really appreciate the effort of trying to include disability accommodations in a character who's a forest cat.

mod Sasza

[goodluckclove]

On Experimentation in Writing, and In Defense of Weak Words

So there's a lot of writing advice I don't like. I don't care if it's from a wildly successful career author or some random person on the internet - if anyone makes a blanket statement on how you have to craft a story, I automatically lose some degree of respect for them as an artist. The fact that so many people online refuse to acknowledge the use of I statements and find community by sharing their individual experience is tiring and annoying to me.

One frequent trend is replacing weak words with "stronger" ones. Don't say "sad"! They insist. If you say sad it's bad writing! Instead of that you should describe the slight drooping tremor of their brow! The arch of a single tear! Doleful is a synonym for sad, say that instead!

This is where I hope people realize that I am not someone who thinks no one should be angry ever. I struggle with anger issues, and this is the type of "advice" that makes me really fucking angry. But I'll try to approach this sensibly.

Prose has rhythm - that's how I see it. It's like music, and because of that there's a lot more freedom to create a successful piece if you can compose with intent. Whenever I see someone list acceptable synonyms for a word they don't like, I see someone claiming they have the list of acceptable instruments in Jazz. Like, what the hell are you talking about? Stop it.

Also, synonyms of a weak word that sound more literary also might mean something different. If you replace "sad" with any fancier synonym you might actually create absurdities in your writing that you don't intend to do. "Downcast" is a synonym for sad that relates specifically to people. "Regretful" is another one that means specifically showing regret. "Traumatic" is considered a synonym for "Sad", you understand why this isn't always the right fit.

I think it can be a good thing to explore the connection between a character's physicality and the description of their emotions, but a person can do a lot with that. People don't express emotions in very similar ways. When you see me at my most distraught, it will probably look different than how you feel. You can depict a character with any sort of physicality and decide that's what they do when they're unhappy and that can support a sense of full-realization in the reader.

Or the reverse. The scene is tragic, heartbreaking - insurmountable trauma and devastation. And in the internal narration it is said that the protagonist is sad. JUST sad? That can really say a lot about their mental state.

I am pro-synonym. I think every word evokes a feeling. I think when you are in a relationship with someone and they're visibly upset and you ask them how they're feeling and they say "I'm fine" - that's a weak word that suddenly has a lot of language.

I think when you have gone through a terrible situation that could've potentially ruined the rest of your life, and one day someone asks how you feel and you say "happy", that is a weak word that might cause you to break down weeping right then and there.

If you deny yourself any words or descriptors that doesn't sound like Fancy Real Book, you are actively amputating your language for no reason. If you only use Fancy Real Book descriptors without actually seeing if the words are truer to the atmosphere you're trying to create, you run the risk of an inauthentic finished product.

You are actually allowed to play with language and description as much as you want, or at least until you find a dynamic that suits your individual craft. If you are a newer writer I think this is something you should make an actual effort to pursue and see if it sparks something in you. For the love of god, do not limit the scope of your language in writing to what Opinionated People On the Internet say.

I say this again that a lot of the people in online spaces are the next generation of literature. And for that instinct to experiment and play to fade out just because it's 2024 and anyone with wifi now has the tangential authority of an art critic is so genuinely abhorrent to me that if I start talking about it to someone for long enough I can feel myself get a crazed look in my eyes. I need the new writers here to seriously make a pledge to develop a sense of artistic intuition as thoroughly as possible, even in the face of people who are desperate to feel artistically validated online in a way that requires very little effort.

It is hard, I won't lie. It takes a lot of work. It took me probably over a decade to get to the point where I feel like I can write with intent in virtually every medium. But I swear to god it's worth it.

[olderthannetfic]

I have a question. I’m new to the discourse around fanfiction & censorship, so I was curious about what the general consensus regarding fic about underaged characters in live action media was. Underage is my biggest squick, but I feel pretty neutral about how people write/draw smut of cartoon characters, as they barely register as human for me. Characters played by actual child actors though… I guess I’m just wondering what’s going through the heads of people who write that stuff? Or minor rpf for that matter. What is appealing about it? I’m willing suspend my disbelief & accept that they don’t actually want to abuse kids, but like, what is fulfilling about that fantasy? I’m not in favor of censorship or arresting anyone over a fictional story, but I just can’t wrap my head around it.

--

That's quite a failure of imagination there, anon.

Other people are not you, and they don't necessarily have this squick. That's the main answer.

From people who don't try to problematize this, there isn't really any discourse. Fiction is fiction.

Cartoon characters register as people to plenty of viewers. (And moron antis think cartoon characters count just as much as live action ones when it comes to screaming about problematicness.) Actors playing teenagers are often in their 20s. Coming of age novels dealing with sexuality have been normal all over the world since forever.

--

But let's start with some low hanging fruit:

If you're 17 years + 364 days, you're below the age of consent lots of places. Do you, anon, honestly think it's weird to be into someone one day before their 18th birthday but not the day after? What if you live somewhere where the age of consent is 16? Is it still weird to be into 17-year-olds from places where the age of consent is 18?

Most people remember being teenagers. They may feel nostalgic. They may want to imagine the nice teenage experiences they never got to have.

Lots of fic writers are currently teenagers. Not as many as ageist online spaces think, but still quite a lot. Is it weirder for a 15-year-old to have a crush on a 15-year-old than a 40-year-old?

"They looked 18, Your Honor" is a weak-ass excuse for fucking underage people in real life, but that's not the same as finding characters on your tv hot. Not only are the actors usually above 18 because filming underage actors is a fucking nightmare logistically due to work constraints, but a lot of younger actors are often made up in ways that make them look like they could be way older. People also vary widely in how they look at various ages.

If you can accept that lust exists and is valid, you can accept that lots of people will see some teen and think they're hot. There isn't some specific categorical difference in how all teenagers look and how all 20-somethings look.

Doing something about it in real life and doing something about it in fiction are different.

--

Now, as for "child actors", that term is used for a wide variety of ages, but let's assume you mean Stranger Things wank, like most people moaning about underage actor RPF do, so we're talking about tweens who genuinely do look pretty young to grown-ass adults.

The first thing I have to ask you is why the fuck you would imagine that writers identify with some adult fucking these kids? It's far, far more likely that they identify with the characters themselves or the actors.

Why would they identify with them? It could be anything from working through their own trauma at a similar age to just liking the vibe of a character because of how the show is written.

Lots of people's brains barf out dark scenarios 24/7 without them ever having experienced any major trauma and without it meaning anything much. Some people channel that into fiction.

If you are a boring person who has both a vanilla brain and no imagination, this might seem surprising to you, but it shouldn't.

--

Moreover, your ask implies that underage fic is highly sexual or maybe coercive or something, but you haven't actually stated that. Are we talking about rapefic of 5-year-olds or about someone writing the Stranger Things characters holding hands?

Are you just not sexual at all, anon? Personally, I went from zero to MEGA HORNY at thirteen and a half. It was like a switch flipped. Sure, I wasn't getting any action because I was a zit-covered and socially incompetent 13-year-old, but I was definitely interested.

It's not strange that an artist or author of whatever sort would explore puberty in their art. It's not strange that they'd remember their own sexual awakening or that this awakening would be long before age 18.

It's also not strange if people write super dark shit about small children because it being extreme and taboo and horrible is often the point of art.

--

You're "willing to suspend disbelief"? How magnanimous! How generous!

Seriously, anon?!

The way you've phrased this question makes it sound like you have a brain the size of a walnut.

Would you ask such a stupid question in such an offensively loaded manner about all the coming of age novels that are considered Great Literature™? Would you ask why YA exists?

And if you wouldn't, why is it that amateur writing by women and sexual minorities makes you nervous when mainstream-approved things don't?

[wildpeachfarm]

(context was about "normal people who are lowkey bullies joining fandom spaces during lock down)

Yeah I do think that there has been a HUGE change in fandom culture post-covid and a lot of it is for the worse. As someone who has been in fandom spaces since I was 12-ish, I think senseless cruelty towards people was FAR less normalized and people had a way better gauge of fandom etiquette. It's such a shame that some of these younger kids who got into fandom during covid only have negative experiences of the culture because when everyone comes together, it can be an amazing experience!

And I've said this before but I think a LOTTTT of people have forgotten the "don't like, don't read/comment/interact" especially on twitter where people need to feel morally superior to everyone else so they make up these weird arguments to justify why _____ is bad and why you need to unfollow ____ for something that personally makes them uncomfortable, not an actually bad person. Or people start making large generalizations for groups in fandom that make everyone upset (ex: ALL multishippers are bad or ALL dnfers are bad, etc.) those generalizations hurt everyone involved in one way or another.

I think something that really helps with that for people is going to college or some equivalent of being forced to interact with so many people of different backgrounds and have different morals and whatever. It makes you realize all of this stupid fandom shit means nothing and getting riled up about the little stuff just isn't worth it or representative of how the real world works. Sometimes if you think someone is weird, it's better to just leave them in their weird corner of the internet and live your life and curate your online experiences. Not try to publicly humiliate them and drag everyone into it. Obligatory disclaimer that this doesn't apply to /all/ situations, but in most cases this is a good way to deal with your own fandom experiences online.

I've gotten more harassment from people who have joined internet fandoms during covid than old veterans on the internet by a LONG SHOT mostly because they just don't understand how to control their own experience so they think everyone must cater to their own comforts. It's a lesson that most of us learned when we were teens, but these people are only learning it now.

[armpirate]

Soundleasure | Choi San || CH. 20

Pairings: Soft!San x fem!reader || Strangers to lovers, fake dating

Genre: smut, angst, fluff, online sex, ghosting

Warnings: inexperienced!San, fem!reader, masturbation, online sex, camboy, first times.

Summary: You can do whatever you please and be whoever you want on the Internet. And San knew that a little bit too well.

After finally following all the signs the universe was throwing at him, he started living a double life that no one was aware of. Everyone in his daily life knew him as Choi San, the reserved and quiet boy who wouldn't raise his voice, and would barely communicate with anyone outside of his comfort group. But only a few knew him as Soundleasure, the man with a sexy voice and a filthy mind that had their toes curling just with his narrations.

He never thought of the possibility of those two lives ever meeting, he had always tried for them to follow a parallel route and had always played safe to keep his friends from ever suspecting that side even existed. But his plans will start to crumble when he gets a little too close with one of his subscribers and she invades his real-self and altergo's universes without being able to stop it.

Y/n will not only help him to keep his secret from his circle, but will also show him there's more of Soundleasure in him than he'd like to admit. 

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MASTERLIST

Aprox. time of reading: 18 minutes

Chapter warnings: Oral sex (male receiving), dirty talk

San noticed something strange on Y/n when they stopped to have the sandwiches they prepared the previous night for lunch. It wasn't something strange, but it just shocked him to see her sitting with the girls, with the big difference that she didn't turn to him not even once. She was also playing with her food, separating the extreme of the sandwich to take a look inside, and move it back to where it was while she pretended to focus back on the conversation the girls were having. She probably fooled them, but San could tell her laugh was fake, just using it to hide the fact that she wasn't even listening to what they were saying.

Once they were back on the trail, he tried to walk forward to where she was, being called out by Yunho from behind.

—Give her some space.

—Do we have to remind you how you were with Iseul when you started dating? This isn't new —Mingi fought back for San.

—Are you defending San? —Jongho asked, surprised.

—Not really. I owe him fifty bucks —he whispered—. If he heard me, he probably would let it pass.

Yunho simply rolled his eyes, focusing back on the trail as he was not surprised in the slightest at what Mingi was doing.

San held her arm carefully as soon as he reached where she was, getting her eyes to move away from him when she was aware of who it was. After being aware as well, the girls walked a little bit faster to give them the small privacy they could have, by being surrounded by people, allowing them to speak freely.

—Are you okay? —he suddenly asked.

—Yeah, I am —she assured him—. Why?

—You didn't touch your food —he answered, insisting on looking at her to earn one look in his direction—. If you aren't feeling well, I can carry you to the parking lot and call a cab so you don't have to drive to the hospital. No one will know what it is about.

Those words only made her feel more guilty. He was such a genuine and caring person... It only proved to her Wooyoung's words about him, and how she was in no place to play with him in any way.

—San, I'm okay. It's something else —she whispered, lowering her gaze to the floor—. I'll tell you when we're alone.

Looking over her shoulder, she noticed his friends curiously peeking at them. And it was obvious that their body language was screaming about the big issues that were going on between them, as much as Y/n wanted to hide it.

—If they ask you though, tell them that I was dizzy or something —she suggested—. That way they won't tease you about this.

The rest of the walk to the parking lot was in silence, just them walking quietly next to each other, holding back everything that was going through their heads, while the only thing they wanted was to speak up about it.

—Thanks for saving all of our things here —Jongho mentioned taking out his bag and Mingi's.

—My feet are burning —Hongjoong complained, supporting his weight on the side of her car.

—Take a hot bath when we get back home —Seonghwa suggested—. And think about working out or doing some sport, this is because you're turning into a couch potato.

—I'm turning into what?

Wooyoung hadn't known her for long, but he was able to tell there was something wrong with the way she was acting. She went from being an easy-going person to a quiet one in less than four hours. If that bickering had taken place the night she first met the group, she probably would've giggled as she watched that scene, but that time there was no emotion coming from her.

San looked confused when he felt something pulling from his sleeve, finding Wooyoung attempting to move him a bit away from the group to be able to speak to him.

—Did you argue with Y/n?

—No, she just... —he remembered what she suggested to him— she isn't feeling well.

—Is that what she told you? —Wooyoung looked concerned, almost as if he knew what happened to her more than himself.

—Why? Do you know what's up with her?

—Maybe —he whispered—. I didn't think it would affect her so much.

—Jung Wooyoung, what did you tell her?

—I just asked her to take care of you —he confessed—. I'm seeing how hooked you're getting on her, and I just wanted to make sure you wouldn't end up with your heart broken.

—Why would I end up with my heart broken?

—You're not experienced, and you seem so excited that I just thought it was right to speak to her about it. Honestly, I just wanted to tell her to take it easy with you, but it seems like I didn't word it the best way... —he admitted, remembering the words he used.

It made sense why she was setting that distance all of a sudden between them. If what they had was real, she probably would've just taken his words as advice and moved on, but under their circumstances it probably was just another reason to make her feel bad about what was going on between them. And he wished he could get mad at his friend for provoking that, but he could tell Wooyoung only had good intentions with his words. He couldn't get mad at him for that, or even call him out for looking after him.

At first, he thought she was acting so weird because she was feeling strange due to her illness, so it was kind of relieving that the reason for her actions was that conversation instead. At least it was something he could try to work on.

Although no one told him it'd be something easy.

Hopping inside the car, and being met with such a big wall between them wasn't in his mind when he first thought about speaking with her about what they had going on. She only broke the silence to suggest going to her place so they could talk without being interrupted, or without having his friends showing up out of nowhere and cutting up the nature of their conversation.

Her feelings transferred to the atmosphere of wherever they went. San had been to her place a few times, but he never felt like a stranger until that day, feeling like he shouldn't be there. And the main reason for that was the way Y/n walked around nervously, leaving her things near the entrance without looking back at him.

—I know why you're acting like this —he spoke up, poking his hands inside the pockets of his pants.

His words instantly grabbed her attention, seeing her turning around to confront him from her couch.

—And it makes no sense.

Y/n scoffed, looking away while her hands found a stable position on her hips. When she looked back at him, he was a bit closer, walking to her with his eyebrows slightly furrowed, scanning her expression to know what was going through her head.

—It makes no sense, huh? What do you think I'm thinking?

—That you're using me, and that I'm getting nothing in return. That you're playing with me and I'll end up with my heart broken —he confessed—. And that you think it's better to stop it all now before either of us catch feelings.

He wasn't good at reading people's feelings, but with Y/n it was easy, as if he knew her from long ago. It was as if she had all of her thoughts displayed on her face, waiting for her to pick on them and try to fight them back and make them disappear.

—I just think we're still on time to stop this before it goes too far —she suggested—. We already did what we had to do. I don't want us to be confused over what's going on.

—Right, then why are we still around each other?

Y/n knew the answer to that question, but she was too scared of it to even think about it more than as an abstract idea.

—I know to others it's fake, but everything that's happened between us isn't —he continued—. And I know I haven't been in a relationship before, but I'm able to tell apart what's real and what's not. I know we aren't dating, I know we aren't in love like others think. But fuck, Y/n, I do like you. And it's not something that's coming from the relationship.

She knew it, because it was something that happened to her, too. She wasn't hurt because he ghosted her, but because she lost the only real connection she had in years, she lost a person she looked forward to speaking to because he made her feel at ease. And it scared her to see him disappear again. She was scared of him catching fake feelings, being blinded by the small gestures and fake promises they made each other while pretending to date, and giving up on everything after he realized it wasn't real.

She just didn't want neither of them wasting their time, and being hurt over something that could be avoided.

And probably what scared her the most was being hurt over the reality of it, rather than being fooled by the fakeness.

—Why aren't you saying anything?

Her silence was scary. It was as if her words weren't getting through her, as if she wasn't moved by anything he was saying.

—Because I don't know what to say —she admitted.

Y/n wasn't expecting him to bring up the topic, and even less to fight back her thoughts before she was able to open her mouth.

—I wasn't aware before, but after what Wooyoung said... I think we're just heading ourselves into the void.

—Are you sure this is about me and not about you?

And he was right.

—It's about us. I don't want you wasting your time, and I don't want to throw myself into this and end up destroyed with it. I have enough with the company, the sm. But those things are out of my control, this isn't.

—Are you assuming this will become a problem?

—If you go again, it will —she admitted—. I already had a hard time when we only texted. If we keep on with this, and it goes wrong for whatever reason, it'll be way worse. And I'm not sure I want to deal with it at this point in my life.

—And why am I the one that will go? —he fought back— For all I know, you're the one who could get tired of this at any moment. I'm already making my best to fight my limits, but even like this I'm sure you'll end up tired of walking at my pace. I'm still taking the risk.

Y/n sighed, resting her back on the backrest of the couch, letting her legs rest while she just tried to think how to get out of that dead end their conversation reached. She was emotional, but also highly based on analytics. That was what based most of her decisions. And there was no other answer, no other reason as to why they couldn't go on with what they had. Although she wasn't sure if that was the actual reason, or if her emotional side was fighting harder to get what it wanted.

—I didn't know you were feeling that way —she whispered.

They could've ended things after he went to the barbeque, or even earlier, after they went their separate ways in that ice cream shop. But if something pulled them into the nonsense of the fake relationship act, it wasn't the idea of helping the other. It was for the exact same reason why they were having that conversation that night.

—I didn't either —he admitted.

It all came out at the idea of losing a chance with her, his brain just scratched the feelings he had been normalizing to turn them into an encouragement for her to keep going.

—If you're doing this for me, I'll take the risk. I don't care about the result of this, because I'm sure it won't be comparable to what I'll get in exchange —he took a step in her direction—. And if you're doing this for you, I already told you I will support you in whatever you need. The last thing I'm expecting is becoming a burden for you with everything that's happening, even if this doesn't work out. Things don't have to go wrong, but I'm sure you already know that. We won't let it go wrong.

Her silence was deafening, making him feel like it was lost. She wasn't going to give in, her choice was already made, and he was just fighting air for something that was already lost.

A step in his direction made him look back at her, feeling frozen when her lips first crashed onto his. She was standing on her tiptoes, holding his nape with her left hand while she just waited for him to answer that kiss in that soft way he knew how to.

If there were any doubts, they all disappeared when he spoke about them as a collective. It wasn't him, or her. San used "We", letting her know she wouldn't be alone if she gave it a chance, and that was all she needed to realize how that conversation shouldn't have been held in the first place.

His hands held her neck with care at the same time he moved his lips on hers, sucking on her lower lip to drink all of her worries and doubts. And just as if they were connected, her fingers moved to his sides to hold onto his jacket.

—We could give it a chance —she agreed, licking the remains of their spits off her lips.

—If you're worried, we could go slow —San suggested—. Get closer before we make a decision. And when we're ready and sure, either go on or leave it as it is.

When she kissed him again, their lips mixed together so well that he thought he was floating for one second.

Their hands moved at the same time again, exchanging positions when hers moved to enroll around his neck and his moved down at her waist. Something about the way he acted that night was so sexy and attractive, that she lost all control on her thoughts and movements. And the way her fingers slid through the locks of his hair created the exact same feeling on him, having his fingers denting on her skin through her clothes.

A moan escaped her lips when those blind steps took her back against the backrest, with the only difference that San's body was all over hers and his tongue was rolling around hers skillfully.

—Hmm, who taught you how to kiss? —she teased him, licking his lower lip.

—I have a great teacher.

His smirk as he said that was the starting point of how her body was boiling up to a whole new sensation, dragging him back into another kiss. As he attempted to pick her up, he almost lost his balance, ending with Y/n holding on his neck so as not to fall down and her legs wrapped around his thighs while she broke the kiss to laugh.

—It seems easier in movies —he commented out of breath, using one last effort to push her body up again.

Helping him, Y/n impulsed her body up as well, wrapping her thighs around his waist while his hands held her confidently from her thighs.

—You didn't do so bad. Do you think you'll be able to take me to my room?

His smile was enough to answer that question. She linked their lips together again, leading him through another short blind walk. That scene alone had been replying so many times in their heads, that they couldn't believe it was actually happening.

Or not.

Her eyes opened wide through the kiss when she felt his fingers unzipping down the pants that weren't hers, suddenly remembering why she was wearing a pair of pants that weren't hers.

—What's wrong? —he asked, moving back and supporting the weight of his body back on his knees.

—We can't do it —she mumbled.

—Did... Did I do something wrong?

—No, no —she sighed again, scratching her forehead—. But I'm still on my period —she joked.

—Oh, I forgot —one of his hands was placed on her thigh, while the other reassured her by rubbing the thumb on her forearm—. Well, I can keep kissing you though.

She had been waiting for that to happen way too long, thinking of waiting for it to happen again was an idea that couldn't cross her mind. And feeling his growing bulge rubbing against her knee didn't help her think straight.

—Just kissing? —she asked, breaking the kiss again.

Of course he wanted to do more than just kissing, but he didn't want to make her uncomfortable. And he didn't mind waiting for her either.

—So you didn't think of fucking me while you carried me here?

How blatant she was made a thick ball of spit almost get stuck in his throat, wondering what was the right way to answer that. She tilted her head, enjoying how nervous he was getting while she waited for the answer, while she slowly unzipped his jacket.

—Well, I... I...

She cut him off, giving him a short kiss on the lips while she moved the fabric of his jacket down his arms.

—And you got so hard with it, even —her hand stopped right at the start of his pants.

—I thought we said we'd go slow —he laughed nervously.

—And I'll go slow —her fingers hooked on the waistband—. Unless you don't want me to do this.

San cursed at himself for looking down, feeling how his brain started malfunctioning at the sight of Y/n looking up to him with such big eyes.

—Shit —he coughed—. Are you sure?

Knowing that was the green light she needed, her lips curved up. She helped him sit right where she was, with her taking the spot in between his parted thighs. That position alone made his dick jump against the thick fabric of his pants, still not believing that was actually happening.

His body was burning, and it had only one reason. He gasped heavily when her fingers finally moved his pants and boxers down, setting him free from the tight prison his underwear was being. Y/n also got rid of her jacket, feeling more comfortable while she settled her hands on his knees.

His dick was exactly how she remembered it: average size, but thick, with some veins marked from his base to his tip, that made her eager to slide her tongue all over.

His hum echoed in her eardrums when she first rolled her tongue around his wet tip, getting that first salty taste she had been fantasizing with ever since she first found his channel. And she could feel the way his hands gravitated all over her head as he struggled to know where to put them, wondering if it'd be too much to place it on her head, but too cold to place it on her arms.

Her fingers hooked around his right wrist, carefully moving it down to the back of her head, giving him that little push he was waiting for.

All of his muscles were tense at the feeling of her lips wrapping around his tip, taking him slowly. He didn't quite know how it'd feel like, he didn't even remember what her fantasies were, but they were surpassed by reality to a whole different level. He thought that he'd be able to feel the beating of his heart on his shaft if he focused enough.

It was so wet, so warm, so tight... he only closed his eyes to feel her and the way he was making his breathing go faster by the minute.

At some point, her hand joined the movements of her mouth, with a soft moan escaping his lips at the sensation.

—Oh, fuck.

Y/n looked up while bobbing her head, pressing her thighs together when she witnessed the image in front of her. Having such a big man to her mercy, with his eyes closed and his eyebrows furrowed, lightly moaning through his parted lips, was the best of the images. And it didn't compare to the way he looked as he touched himself in front of a camera with her.

His body squirmed at the feeling of something wet dripping down his tip, only stopping at the arch of her hand, that spreaded it all over his shaft.

—Am I making you feel good?

—Fuck, yes —he moaned.

—You taste so good —she sucked again on the tip—, and I can't imagine how good you must taste after you fuck me.

Just the image alone of Y/n naked in front of him, sucking on his dick still glistening with her juices, sent a whole bunch of information that instantly connected with his shaft, not realizing how fast his high was coming until he was unable to stop it.

—Y/n, wait.

As she gave the second stroke, and San moved suddenly backwards, a jet of his load shot straight into her eye. He didn't give her time to complain, except for that loud whine, before he got up from the bed, attempting to walk to her bathroom to get a towel and moisten it with some water to help her clean her face.

Her eye closed tighter every time he moved the towel around her eye, getting rid of every drop of the sticky liquid until her face was clean.

—I'm sorry —he apologized, sitting back on the bed.

—It's not that big of a deal —she tried to calm him down—. Although this is why I don't like cumshots —she joked, trying to ease his worry.

—Where are you going? —he rushed to ask, putting his clothes back on when he saw her getting up from the floor.

—I'll get changed, and clean myself.

—But... I didn't help you.

She didn't need him to say anything else to understand what he meant. She didn't do anything expecting something in return, and she also knew that it'd be uncomfortable if she tried to get him back to do the same thing while she was on her period. And based on past experiences, she wasn't that big of a fan of receiving oral sex.

Doing it in that moment would only set her up for disappointment.

—Another day —she assured him, trapping his chin between two of her fingers to land a soft peck on his lips—. You're staying the night, right?

—Can I?

Y/n just smiled, shaking her head at his reaction.

—I'll clean up and get changed. You can get comfortable.

She sighed heavily after stepping inside the bathroom, regretting for a short moment rejecting him. But the idea of having someone go down on her, while on her period was something that she didn't like. It didn't matter how bad she tried to convince herself on how she would like it if she tried it.

When she got out again, she held back a laugh at seeing San completely dressed, lying uncomfortably over the sheets of her bed.

—Are you going to sleep like that?

—Yeah.

—At least take off the pants and get under the blankets, it'll get cold.

—Won't you be uncomfortable?

—San, I've had your cock in my mouth not even ten minutes ago. And I've seen you naked countless of times. It's quite impossible for me to feel uncomfortable around you.

And she proved how comfortable she felt while she took off her clothes in front of him, throwing it over the floor and walking to her closet to take her pajamas out.

It made him so nervous to upset her somehow, that he didn't want to risk it even with the obvious things. Only after she said it, he took off his pants, dragging the blanket under his body to be able to sneak inside shortly before Y/n joined him.

It was silent, but her thoughts were so loud that he was sure he was able to hear them before she went from lying on her back to looking at him.

—I'm sorry for today —she finally said—. I get too emotional during this time of the month. And it might sound like an excuse, but the illness doesn't help at all. I...

—You don't need to apologize for anything —he cut her off, turning his head to her—. Those were your feelings at that moment, and I'm glad you told me instead of just keeping it to yourself and letting things die.

Her eyes wrinkled at the corner with her smile, making San feel at ease just by looking at her.

—I like you, too.

—Hmm?

—You said before that you like me. And I didn't say it back, but I like you.

She didn't need to say it, he already knew. No one else would've acted with such patience and delicacy, but still those words sounded comforting and filled a space he didn't know he needed to be filled after such a crazy day.

His hand hesitated to reach the top of her head to pat it gently, only for Y/n to move in his direction to lay closer to him right after.

The rush he felt when he felt her getting closer after those words was bigger than any other orgasm he had ever had. 

[canirove]

In The Name of Love | Chapter 19

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Masterlist

"How long until you arrive?" Pedri asks.

"5 minutes according to the gps."

"Are you ready?"

"To spend the weekend celebrating that my ex boyfriend is marrying a woman I hate? I'm ecstatic" I reply.

"Lucky you, you have me" Ferran smiles.

"Will you take care of her?" Pedri asks him.

"I will" Ferran says, quickly looking at my phone's screen and then back at the road.

"What was that?" I laugh.

"Uh?"

"That look you two just shared. Is that some bro code or something?"

"What?" Pedri says.

"Yeah… Something only you two understand."

"It was just a look of I will take care of your girlfriend so she doesn't do anything stupid like running away or killing the bride" Ferran says.

"Why would I run away?"

"Love that you are asking that instead of why would you kill the bride" Pedri laughs.

"I have reasons to do that. But running away?"

"That's what you did during their engagement party."

"Because we had had something like an argument and you were all I could think about."

"Awww, Val" Pedri smiles.

"Guys, please don't get cheesy while I'm present" Ferran says. He tries to make it sound as a joke, but I've noticed the way his grip on the steering wheel has tightened.

"Anyway, we are almost there. I will call you later or tomorrow morning, ok?" 

"Yeah, sure. Enjoy tonight's party or whatever they are doing" Pedri says.

"White party they've called it. So original" I scoff.

"Try to enjoy it, Val. You too, Ferran."

"Thanks, bro" he says.

"And again, don't do anything stupid. That goes for both of you."

"Yes, mum" Ferran and I say at the same time before starting to laugh.

"And then I am the kid" Pedri sighs, rolling his eyes.

"Yes. My favourite one" I smile.

"I love you, Val" Pedri smiles back.

"I love you too" I say before hanging up.

"So…" Ferran says.

"So."

"Ready to fake again that I'm your boyfriend?"

"Are you?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" he chuckles. "I said yes to this, didn't I?"

"I know, but…"

"Holy shit."

"What? What happened?"

"Val, are you sure this is the right address?"

"Yes. Why… Oh, wow" I say when I look at the road. At the end of it, there is a… palace? A castle? Both? I had seen photos of the venue online, but it was nothing compared to seeing it in real life.

"I feel like I'm going to have to call you my lady during our stay" Ferran laughs. "My Lady Valeria."

"Lord Ferran actually sounds like the name of someone who would have lived in a place like this" I chuckle.

"See? I can be posh too!"

"More like royal."

"That's cooler if you ask me. So, for the rest of the weekend, you may address me as Lord Ferran Torres" he says, straightening his back.

"Yes, my lord" I laugh, his weird faces and poses making me relax and forget about what is ahead of us. 

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"It feels wrong, you know? Throwing a white party in a freaking castle…" Ferran says from the bathroom. "We should be dressing as kings and queens, not like this. I've always wanted to try on those puffy shorts men used to wear."

"Puffy shorts?" I chuckle while putting on my shoes.

"Yes. The ones they wore with white tights."

"Maybe for your next birthday you should throw a party where people have to dress like that and make your dream come true."

"Maybe I should, yes" he says from the bathroom's door. When I look up, I see him leaning against the door frame like Pedri always does, his arms crossed over his chest. But it doesn't have the same effect on me. Not even when I catch him checking me out as I stand up.

"White suits you, tho."

"That isn't going to work, Val" Ferran laughs.

"What won't?"

"Flattering me. I'm not signing for Real Madrid even if white looks good on me" he smirks.

"Who says I want you on my team?" I tease him.

"Yeah, you prefer having me close to you" he says, slowly walking towards me and closing the space between us.

"Pedri" I blurt out. "I haven't called him and I told him… I should…"

"You should, yes. I'll wait outside" Ferran says, his voice sounding different. Cold. 

The moment he leaves the room, I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. 

We are off to a great start.

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"I envy you so much Val… He is yummy."

"He is what?" I laugh.

"Yummy" my friend Alicia says. "Where did you find him?"

"I believe you can usually spot him at the Camp Nou" Sara chuckles. The two of them, Silvia and I, met when we were just 6, and we have been part of the same group of friends with Marc and some other boys since then. Though since he and I broke up, we haven't seen each other as often as we would like to. 

"I meant how did they meet" Alicia says, rolling her eyes. "You've kept him hidden from us, Val. Though I get it. I totally get it" she says, looking at Ferran from head to toe for the millionth time while he chats with some of the boys.

"I was on a night out with Silvia and we just met" I shrug.

"Just like that?"

"He offered to buy her a drink and 5 minutes later they were making out. What?" Silvia laughs when I give her a murderous look.

"It's ok, Val. I would have done the same" Alicia sighs. 

"Did you know who he was?" Sara asks me.

"Nope. He had just moved from Manchester, I wasn't familiar with him yet" I tell her. That was the story we had decided to tell everyone, a mix of how I met Pedri and a few lies here and there. 

"The sex is the best you've ever had, isn't it?" Alicia suddenly says.

"Careful there" Sara chuckles when I almost choke with my drink.

"I'll take that as a yes. He is young and a professional athlete, I'm sure he lasts longer than the average guy. And he definitely knows what he is doing, doesn't he?" Alicia smirks. "Just look at you, Val. You look hotter than ever!"

"Yeah, just look at the colour of her cheeks" Sara laughs.

"Urgh, ignore her" Alicia says, giving her a little push. "You've always looked great, don't get me wrong. But you've never looked this good, Val. You are glowing!" 

"And when you walked in, I saw a few guys looking at you" Sara adds.

"They probably were looking at Ferran because they recognised him" I say.

"No, they weren't. They were checking you out. So if I was him, I would not leave your side just in case." 

"And if I were you, I wouldn't leave his either" Alicia says, her eyes fixed on Ferran once again while taking a sip from her drink.

"Girls!"

"Oh, dear" I whisper when I hear Isabel's voice.

"Aww, girls. It is so nice seeing you here!" she says, hugging Alicia, Sara and Silvia. "Hello, Valeria."

"Hi" I reply.

"Congratulations, Isa!" Sara says, trying to lighten up the mood. "Are you nervous about tomorrow?"

"Where is he?" Isabel asks me, completely ignoring her.

"Who?"

"That boyfriend of yours."

"Right here" Ferran says as he shows up next to me, putting his arm around my waist and kissing my cheek. Before the party we had agreed about the arm, but not the kiss. "Isabel, right? It's a pleasure to finally meet you. Congratulations" he says with his best smile, taking her hand and kissing it, his eyes fixed on hers. He is giving her his fucker look as Pedri, Eric and Gavi call it, the one that gets him the girl 9 times out of 10.

"Hi" Isabel giggles, clearing her throat to try and hide it. But we have heard it. All of us have. Ferran's charm has worked on her too. "I thought you wouldn't be able to come and poor Valeria would be all alone" she says, back to her usual self.

"Almost, but you chose the perfect weekend to get married. Just after the preseason ended and before the season starts" he smiles.

"Ready to kick Real Madrid's ass?" Sara asks him before looking at me.

"She will kick my ass if we dare to win them" Ferran laughs. "Won't you, Val?"

"You will be sleeping on the sofa for a month, yes" I reply.

"If that's the case, my bed is very comfortable" Alicia smirks.

"Ali!" Sara laughs.

"What? I had to shoot my shot" she shrugs.

"I'm very flattered, but I only have eyes for one girl" Ferran smiles. 

"Yeah, well… Let's not get cheesy in public, shall we?" I say, feeling my cheeks on fire. I'm pretty sure he wasn't lying or pretending when he said that.

"Yes, please. It is my day, not Valeria's" Isabel says, reminding us that she still is there. 

"Of course. My apologies" Ferran says, using his famous look once again. Now Isabel is the one blushing.

"Yes… Umm… I better go find my future husband. Goodbye" she says, turning around and walking away as fast as she can.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"Did you do that on purpose?" I ask Ferran once we are back in our room, the party finally over.

"Do what?"

"Flirt with Isabel and use your fucker look on her."

"I did, yes" he grins.

"Why?"

"Because I wanted to see her reaction, if I could get to her. And I did. I'm sure she's spent the whole night hating herself because she has been turned on by her nemesis' boyfriend."

"Her nemesis" I laugh. "But she probably has. You made her giggle."

"I know" Ferran smirks. "Right or left?"

"Uh?"

"Which side of the bed do you prefer?"

"Oh, left. I like sleeping looking at the window."

"Ok" he says, taking off his shirt.

"You don't wear pyjamas either? Is that a Barça thing?"

"What?" he says, getting in bed.

"Pedri also sleeps in his underwear."

"I actually sleep naked, but, you know… I didn't want to make it more awkward."

"That's… that's very thoughtful. Thank you" I reply, quickly getting in bed too and trying to hide that I'm blushing.

"Yeah, thoughtful" he chuckles. "Bloody hell, Val."

"What happened now?"

"Your feet! They are frozen!"

"Oh, yes. Sorry. They are always like that" I shrug.

"Always?"

"Always. 24/7."

"How can Pedri sleep next to you when you have two blocks of ice for feet?"

"He doesn't mind. And he says that if he gets hot through the night, he can always count on them to help him cool down."

"That's… weird. But ok" Ferran chuckles.

"It's Pedri" I shrug again. "Anyway, good night. From the three of us."

"The three of… Val!" he complains when I touch his leg with my feet.

"Night night" I smile.

"Night night, yes" he replies, sticking out his tongue and moving his legs as away from mine as he can. 

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"At first I wasn't going to wear flat shoes because, who wears flat shoes for a wedding? But I don't know how to walk on heels, so in the end I said, fuck it. You can barely see them with the dress, and by the end of the night everyone will be barefoot and…"

"Val… Val!" Pedri laughs over facetime.

"What?"

"You are rambling."

"Am I?"

"You are" Ferran says while retouching his hair in front of the mirror.

"Sorry, I just… I am a bit nervous" I sigh.

"Just a bit?" Pedri laughs again.

"Yes" I reply, sticking out my tongue.

"You'll be fine, Val. You don't have any reason to be nervous."

"Don't I?" I say, trying to nod towards Ferran without him noticing.

"You don't" Pedri insists. 

"If Isabel tries something you know we can use my charm on her" Ferran says, still busy with his hair. It is taking him a lot more time than it took me, and he has a lot less.

"The fucker look almost never fails" Pedri says. "So relax and enjoy the day, ok?"

"Ok" I sigh again.

"You look beautiful, Val" he smiles.

"Do I?"

"You do. Doesn't she, Gavi? Gavi. Pablo!"

"What!" Gavi says. He is sitting next to Pedri, waiting for our call to end so they can go back to playing FIFA.

"Doesn't Val look beautiful?"

"Oh, yes" he replies, not lifting his eyes from his phone.

"Thank you, Pablo" I chuckle. "He is talking to her, isn't he?"

"When isn't he?" Pedri says, rolling his eyes.

"Don't let the teenagers know that the it boys are currently taken, their hearts may not take it" I smirk.

"Meh meh meh" Pedri replies.

"Ok, I'm ready" Ferran says. "You?"

"Yep."

"Then let's go."

"Have fun, guys" Pedri says. "And Val…"

"I'll try to relax and enjoy the day."

"I was going to say that I love you" he says. "But that too." 

"I love you too" I smile before hanging up.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"I'm glad Isabel left you out of the bridesmaids" Ferran says as we watch all the girls walk down the aisle.

"Why?" 

"You look stunning on the dress you picked, but if it had been down to her, I'm sure she would have chosen the ugliest one she could find."

"Definitely" I chuckle. "Do you think anyone has noticed?"

"That you look more beautiful than them?" 

"That I am the only one from our group of friends she left out" I say, trying to ignore Ferran's compliment. Again.

"Nah, I don't think they care. And here she comes" he says when the music changes, everyone looking at the end of the white carpet that leads to the aisle. "100€ she looks our way when she walks past us."

"Ferran, I'm not gonna bet any money" I laugh.

"Ok, fine. No betting. But she will definitely look. Should we do something?"

"Something like what?" I ask.

"Can I improvise?"

"I don't like it when you improvise."

"I won't kiss you, I promise."

"You better" I say before turning to look at Isabel. She is very close to where we are, smiling and saying hello to everyone. And she looks beautiful, I can't deny her that. "Shit!" I jump when I feel Ferran's arms around my waist, hugging me from behind.

"It's part of the plan. Relax" he says next to my ear. "But you should put your hands around mine."

"What?"

"Just do it, Val."

"Ok" I sigh, doing as he says and interlacing my fingers with his. 

"She's gonna look" he whispers, resting his chin on my shoulder.

"She…" She is looking at us. At first she looks all smug, but after noticing Ferran behind me, her face changes. And when he kisses my shoulder, she quickly looks away, her smile gone.

"Told you" he chuckles. 

"I thought we had said no kisses."

"On the lips."

"Yeah, well. We should… You know" I say, letting go of his hands. "The ceremony is about to start."

"Yes, of course" he replies, moving his too. But he does it slowly, definitely taking his time. 

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"They look cute" Silvia says while we watch Isabel and Marc do their first dance as a married couple.

"Yeah, I guess" I say, trying to focus on them dancing and not on Ferran standing behind me, his hands resting on my shoulders while his thumbs make small circles on my skin.

"Aww, and now their parents. Marc's mum looks so nervous…"

"Uhm…" I reply, Ferran's thumbs now moving to the back of my neck and slowly massaging it. Why am I allowing him to do this? It isn't part of our arrangement.

"Oh, our turn!" Silvia says, taking Pau's hand and dragging him to the dancefloor as everyone else joins the bride and groom and their families.

"Are we dancing too?" Ferran asks me.

"Do you want to?"

"I am not the best dancer but sure, why not?" he says, his hands finally moving from my body. "My Lady Valeria" he smiles, now offering me his hand.

"Lord Ferran" I chuckle, taking it and following him to join the others.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

I don't know for how long we've been dancing and singing, but I do know that I am having the time of my life. Maybe because I've had a few more beers than what I am used to and I am a bit tipsy, maybe because the dj is playing hit after hit.

I've sung my heart out with Silvia, Alicia and Sara, we've had a battle of boys dancing vs. girls, Alicia made her dream of being all over Ferran come true while they danced together and we all cheered for them, and now… now it is him and I the ones who are dancing together, barely any space between us.

My back is against his chest, his arms around my waist, mine around his neck. And his lips are leaving small kisses on my jawline, making me giggle while we just move to the rhythm of the music. 

When it changes, he pulls me closer towards him, moving his head to kiss my neck. At first I barely notice it, but as he gets closer to the spot that makes my knees feel like jelly, I can feel my body tensing, one of my hands moving up and down the back of his neck. And then, he finds it.

A gasp escapes my lips, goosebumps going down my spine as the hand that is on his hair looks for something to hold to like it is used to. But it finds nothing. Because this is Ferran. He isn't…

"Val" he whispers into my ear, the feeling sending another wave of goosebumps over my body and making me forget about what I was thinking before he quickly turns me around, the movement making me feel a bit dizzy. His hands still are on my waist, pulling me even closer to him and then… then his lips meet mine.

He is kissing me. Ferran is kissing me again.

But unlike that day at the school, I don't freak out. This time I find myself wrapping my arms around his neck, letting him take control over the kiss and be the one in charge while I just let go.

[qqueenofhades]

as a woc (who is south asian, so i share that with harris), it's deeply upsetting to me that......nothing she could do would be right. i see people wondering why she isn't doing more, but then she does something, and then those same people pick that thing apart and tear her to pieces and it really does go to show that nothing we ever do will be "right".

i have yet to see criticism of her specifically that doesn't boil down to racism or misogyny (or a combination of both), and it's frustrating, especially in leftist spaces, because i do want to think critically and have conversations about what she's doing right and what she (and the administration as a whole) could improve upon, but i feel like i can't start or participate in those conversations without dealing with that same racism + misogyny. and this isn't even getting into the gop, this is about people who call themselves progressive/leftist/whatever. so much effort goes into maintaining the idea that they're better than the right, but i don't see nearly as much effort put into.....being better tbh

Unfortunately, among all their other problems, Online Leftists are a) often just as likely to be racist and misogynist as the GOP, and b) to strenuously deny that they are, weaponize that language in bad faith against people or candidates they dislike, and otherwise parrot abstract "social justice" talking points and Progressive Jargon while being absolutely noxious to the real, actual people that are involved. They do, as you say, assume they are Morally Righteous, and then don't actually interrogate that or question it in any way. So.... yeah. Yeah, pretty much. As I've said before and will say again, they are an absolute failure as any kind of practical or effective opposing force to right-wing fascism, and often inadvertently or even deliberately enable it in deeply disappointing ways.

It's funny that in all my posts/answers on the topic, I stated multiple times that if people could provide me an actual reason that made empirical sense as to why they didn't like Kamala, I was happy to have that discussion. Instead I got a lot of weird angry asks from people clearly still trying to justify their Hillary Clinton Derangement Syndrome (I only answered one of them because I have better things to do with my life), accusing me of being "emotional," "angry," "trauma-dumping" and God knows what else. And like. I'm sorry that pointing out a clearly verifiable fact (misogyny is what doomed HRC, anti-Obama backlash/racism was what enabled Trump) triggered y'all to that degree, but I think that fact is pretty illuminating on its own. And no, actually, I don't have to "get over" HRC's loss or "just accept" that people had "reasons" (conveniently never articulated, but they were real! They totally weren't misogyny! PEOPLE HAD REAL REASONS FOR NOT LIKING HER WHY WON'T YOU BELIEVE ME AND ACCEPT THAT!!!) for disliking her and/or not voting for her when her opponent was Donald F'n Trump. Like, I know they live in the magical realm of the Permanently Online where the real world suffers no consequences from their bullshit and the argument about why 2016 was not their fault changes daily, but that's not the case with us here on Earth. And yeah, we're pretty mad.

Kamala has, in my view, been doing a perfectly fine job as the vice president. She has been able to give a few powerful and relevant speeches about race relations, gun violence, abortion, and other topics. I occasionally see news articles from "anonymous sources" who "don't like her" or want to cause trouble for whatever reason, which I treat with the usual degree of skepticism that I employ when reading anything the mainstream media writes about Democrats (which is then repurposed and reused in the Online Leftists' "Democrats Terrible!" screeds in equally bad faith). Yet again, I repeat my offer for anyone who wants to complain about her for an actual and clearly articulated reason to explain what that reason is and why it's not a double standard, why it's not attributable to racism and misogyny (even and especially the unacknowledged sort), what they expect she should be doing differently, and why this is any kind of big deal for the actual mainstream electorate. But judging from previous experience, this will just trigger another round of anonymous WE HAVE GOOD REASONS FOR NOT LIKING HER!!! whines with cheese, and to that I say, yeah, don't even waste your time.

[roguesnezblog]

Trigger warning - Vent stuff (Suicide, bullying etc.) I am not feeling great. And I'm going to censor everything below if you don't want to read. But this post I wanted to make, one, for my own benefit. mentally, but I also feel like people who are in the same position as me could use an understanding ear. So...

Feeling real horrible. Like I shouldn't exist. To put it bluntly. Making the rounds of depression again. I want to type this out here and will most likely delete this later because being vunerable on the internet is not exactly, sometimes, met with anything good.

I won't go into detail on as to why either, since opening up about things you've done is usually weaponized online too. But lets say this: I have been made to feel, in some online spaces, that, My existance and presense should be eradicated.

I have been treated this way by these people for years. Over 5 years now. I had been bullied, and called horrible things, been witch hunted all the works that online crap can bring. And most people are in agreement, I should get over it by now. Who scares if a few people don't like you, don't want you around them? They have a right to believe that, and it's not like I didn't deserve it.

And I suppose in truth a part of me agrees. I dont expect approval, nor do I expect to be liked, a part of me rationally knows this. Not everyone online is going to be on a sympathetic understanding side of things.

But another part of me creeps back. You see, during this time, when people turned on me violently, for mistakes I've made and regret, I got low. Real low. Suicide low. I figured I was diplorable. Unforgivable. Disgusting. I felt like I should be punished. I did. Yanno. Self harm. A lot.

I figured the world would be better. Easier, if I wasn't in it. They made me believe this.

But I was always in conflict with reality. You see online isn't really half of my life. I have good parents, not perfect, but good. And a family who cares about me, and deep down, I knew if I was gone, if anyone, they would suffer for it.

So ...Suicide wasn't really an option. Not properly.

I had no choice but to endure lots of inflammatory comments, being excluded, distanced, the community (not this one) I wanted to feel a part of, and enjoy a love of drawing was...cruel.

I could rant more about what they did. How much they alienated and hurted me, broke down my character and warped me into this...percieved monster. But theres no point. And yanno I don't want to get into details like I said.

But a part of me still thinks that Im not a victim here. That I deserve it.

It's the rest that feels inconsolable. I don't want to die. I don't want to feel like thats the only option for me. To be erased. And think how much easier it would be for everyone else that I didn't exist.

But I want to be a kind person. I don't want to make people uncomfortable with my presense, or existance.

I shouldn't spare mercy to people who don't care. I know...But it's hard not to think when for your entire life you've been messed up.

Im pretty sure being some kinda autistic or at least neurodivergant doesn't help...(I haven't got diagnosed yet. Being a part of british NHS sucks. It would take me 5 years to get someone to see me. So they told me, and I'm considering private, but that costs 2,000 pounds and...Im scared honestly)

Anyway.

This feeling is often met with apathy, or "just don't think about it" by friends and family, who know somewhat about all this.

But it's hard.

It's heavy.

I just wish forgiveness could be an option. The mistakes I made, I learned from, and have never done again. But it's not enough.

It feels like this unending maw, gaping and cavernous. Swallowing me whole until it leaves nothing but that mistake left. They make it me. It's all I am. My identity. I am a literal monster to them. Something to fear like a boogeyman.

Not a dumb young adult who had no idea what they were doing.

I am nearly 30 now. I regret being stupid. Not knowing things, being ignorant and not just....being more calm at the time, but when people jump on you, you panic.

I have dug this hole. I know that... but it feels like I was forced to.

And the prolonged suffering, it's just....

I was happy for a time. You know? The fear and guilt lifted about a year ago for a while. When I found people who appriecate me, who care and want me around in that community, My confidence for a while was up. And I felt like I COULD exist. Live again, and be in spaces without feeling like I was a leech. I was happy and even talked to people in calls. I didn't have nightmares and I didn't feel like I needed to quit my freelance work.

There was...a couple of incidents, where I let my confidence blind me, approached people who haven't forgiven me, and told me to fuck off.

Which I did, to be fair...like I say: I don't have to be friends with everyone.

But...recently, the community pool has gotten thin. Drama happened (not to do with me, thank fuck, I couldn't deal with that stress I feel terrible for the people who have to endure it.) and spaces that were safe have been deleted. And the people who scorn me are now making a new space for them to pool into.

I've been excluded from that space.

That doesn't bother me, I have friends who will remain by my side. And this kinda happens everyone 6 months or so that people move spaces. But-

It's gut wrenching, to feel safe and forgiven. And then to be reminded that no, infact; You can't escape.

My friends will stay in spaces I feel safe in. And I know really- I'm not gonna loose much. But to be reminded that your existance would rather be purged? It's...not a fun feeling. Not to feel especially due to the struggles I've been facing and facing hard these past few months.

I suppose by writing all this, and saying all this, I just can't help but wonder in this mind space...Is it me? My fault? My brain is the one doing this...I am jumping from: Oh people I don't even like don't want me around? Better go die.

I made the mistake in the end....And this is my punishment. My torment for making a mistake.

It's ridiculous really...I shouldn't be feeling this way. But yet I am....I feel hopeless, empty. Sullen. Like theres no point, like all I feel and have been doing to grow, and move on....it doesn't matter. Because nothing changes.

I'm not sure exactly why Im writing this, or why Im even sharing these feelings, perhaps I just want people to talk to. Much as I love my friends, they get uncomfy talking like this... They can be dismissive and they don't really want to find a solution or confront it. I am just told to "forget it" and such. As I said before. But it doesn't help you know?

Putting this out there, it may make it worse...Which honestly; I fear. People online can look at something like this and use it to try make you worse, or kill yourself. Like....some people really just...get a kick out of making you feel like crap.

Im sure this is a sentiment that a lot of people, a lot of you, understand. It's cruel. Bullying and....I wish it would go away, not just for me, but for all of us....But I also hope a part of this can....maybe help someone?

That...something like this, isn't unusual....(unfortunately) and that some of you out there have been through the same thing...or are currently going through the same thing. And if thats the case...As someone who is feeling it at the current moment I want to say this to you:

You matter. You deserve to exist. You CAN live. And ...so long as you learn from your mistakes...That doesn't make you an evil, or even just a bad, person. You're a good person. You're a good person if you want to be better.

And....for you. I will keep this in mind for myself too. I fucked up. Maybe you did too...But we can be fuck ups together.

--------------------------------------------------------

I am not ok, but I think I will be. Admittedly, I could just not post this, but I think theres some value somewhere in this rant. I think it should be heard by some.

[gynarchyboi]

MsReneeLane isn't available at this time day 9

For those of you who have gone through my training on Fetlife you know these 10 rules of male submission by heart. It's time to share them on Facebook. Submission is a 24/7 and 360 degree commitment that reaches deeply into how a man lives his life.

1.Exercise Daily: Be physically fit for general physical and mental health. A woman cannot train someone too weak to accept her discipline.

2.Eat Healthy: Deny yourself the empty calories of white sugar and starchy foods. Think of your female owner, when you deny yourself. Diet is part of your spiritual path.

3.Read good books. Talk about them: conversation and communication is a cornerstone of good relationships. By increasing your knowledge and expanding your horizons you make yourself a more interesting companion.

4.Volunteer: Be active in your community and give back to society. Join a service organization, pay the dues, volunteer your efforts. By becoming active, you increase the number of people you interact with and you make yourself a more well-rounded person.

5.Accept Discipline. Stay chaste most of the time.: Gain focus and determination by harnessing your sexual desires.. Remaining chaste for the woman in your life allows you to focus on serving her more diligently. If you are single, limit orgasms to the weekends. If you are partnered, surrender when and how you orgasm to your domme. Practice wearing a chastity device until it becomes a natural part of you. Submit to a weakly discipline session from your domme to help you on your path of submission. Never make mistakes to enhance this punishment. Instead, be slavishly devoted and thankful for any discipline a woman gives you. Always do your best.

6.Clean: Maintain a clean and organized living space. Dig in and do the boring drudgery of housework. Your efforts will give your woman enough energy to dominate you. If you are single, live as if a woman might inspect your quarters at anytime.

7.Promote and Support Women: Promote the practical and political needs of women. Doing this will give you a deeper understanding of women. Vote for women in whatever politics party you find yourself. See the promotion of books like mine as something practical you can contribute to hasten the coming matriarchy. Consider how much easier finding a domme could be if there was a movie you could direct a prospective woman to see. You could point at my sub in the movie that I hope to make and say, "I dream of living like that man for the right woman." She will see the love and devotion of this sub and become interested.

8.Respect All Women: Treat all women as if they were the key holders of your chastity belt. Especially treat women with respect who because of age or looks don't have a lot of sexual power. Other women will see this and they will be impressed by your sensitivity to women.

9.Disengage: Abstain from pornography and live in the real world. Limit yourself to 30 minutes a day of leisure activities online. Limit television. Spend your free time working, reading, playing, and loving others.

10.Recite Your Mantra: Intone it several times daily. Do this out loud. Recite it for your ears to hear, "I am only a slave; it is a privilege to serve." This simple act, overtime, will redirect your focus towards serving all women and especially the woman in your life. This mantra will empower you.

Do all 10 of theses. Don't leave one out. Women are always watching. Our eyes scan the herd, looking for the right man to cull and make our own. Make yourself the perfect prey.

Date Jun 24, 2019.

[zarchomp]

saw a post on tiktok joking about riley from inside out discovering Wattpad in the first movie and AO3 in the second movie which like,,,,, relatable middle school experience.

a bunch of the comments were saying stuff like "and just WAIT until she discovers chai". i didn't know what chai was, but i DO know that ao3 isn't as popular in a lot of fandom spaces these days so i checked it out, wondering if it was something new, but turns out it's character ai?

which is SO interesting to me because like,,,, the whole thing that i've always LOVED about fandom spaces is the act of mutual creation.

i feel like the thing that is so amazing about fandom isn't just that it's a continuation of the canon stories, but that it's an entirely different way to create relationships with stories. exploring your relationship to a character, as a consumer, and using that to become a creator. taking what resonates to you from the canon and further exploring that tiny facet of it.

i remember that post on here from about ten years ago that argued that canon which tends to be dark has a lot of fanwork that's more lighthearted (college aus, post-war slice of life stuff) whereas lighter canon material gives way to darker fanwork. that sort of relationship with the text, a willingness to explore it on all fronts, is what makes fandom kinda amazing.

the way that popular fanfictions completely recontexualize fanon as a whole. how popular pieces of fanart can affect the way the fandom interprets characters and their relationships to each other. fandom has ALWAYS been interesting because it's constantly building on itself. it's like one giant mass that's influenced by thousands of people and each of the individual ways that they resonate with the text.

to me, fandom was never a passive experience. growing up with a lot of mental illness, relating to people in real life wasn't easy. but in an online space where the only thing i needed to enter a thriving community was opinions on different characters and relationships, i could find a space for myself. i know a lot of fanartists and fic writers and general fandom people feel the same way.

and i was kinda shocked at the amount of people who go to ai for fandom. i know back when chatGPT first got big, a lot of people were using it to write fanfiction. and i just think is totally misses the fundamental joy of fandom. because like, i want to read something written by someone who cried while learning about sasuke's backstory.

i want to see art by someone who's stayed up all night scrolling ship tags on tumblr. the whole point of fandom, to me, isn't just that my brain latches onto *thing* and so i want more *thing* (which it does). but i want that more *thing* to be created by someone who has thoughts on the text. someone who watched voltron and said "yeah this is kinda cool but i have ideas about keith's characterization in season three that i think was underexplored in the show and i want to try my hand at it".

anyways, i am so appreciative towards anyone who's ever drawn characters in their styles, had them wearing silly costumes, put them in an pokemon au, started conversation about which college major u think the dungeon meshi characters would choose.

everyone who writes and creates original stories about ur faves suffering, bleeding, owning a pet store, celebrating their birthdays, having sex for the first time.

the act of mutual creation which defines fandom is incredible. the fact that there's a whole community of people who have different takes on characters, who hotly debate whether it makes more sense if the character with the canonically horrific backstory would still have that backstory in the modern day. it's what makes these communities alive, active places that you can explore. it's incredible.

the ability to see a text, and to create such a personal relationship with it that it sparks more creation. that's what it's about.