#this isn't a vent but it's my turn to scream into the void!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for messaging an ex friend who blocked me on WhatsApp?

Before you vote YTA, this AITA isn't about block evading but I didn't know how else to describe the situation.

Ex friend 21F and I 20F are coworkers. I won't go into what happened between us because it's a loooong story, both of us made mistakes but she blows everything out of proportions and I was weak and couldn't defend myself from the wild accusations she kept making at me.

Anyway, once I started setting boundaries and standing up for myself, she got upset and blocked me on WhatsApp. For those who don't know, if you try to message someone who blocked you on WhatsApp, the message will go through but they won't receive it, after I realized she had blocked me, it felt like I was screaming into the void.

Anyway, I didn't stop messaging her, I sent long rants about all the pent up anger that accumulated throughout the one year we were friends (or more accurately tried to make the friendship work), talking about how she misinterprets my whole character and believes she's an infallible angel who never done anything to me etc etc etc.

The messages were satisfying somehow, I felt like I lectured her on what she did to me, it also reminded me of letting it out as if I were writing in a diary. I would've stopped at that point but she still harasses me from time to time even though we don't talk anymore, so I made it a habit to scream at her in her chat whenever she does something to me. I literally turned her chat into a venting diary.

One day, she "stole" my chair right in front of me, between brackets because it was clear she actually didn't know it was mine but the etiquette is to ask first and/or check if this chair was taken. She can literally know that if she just looked at the computer screen and see if an account was logged on or off.

I wanted to call her out but after all, we were both sternly told to stay away from each other. So I kept my cool because I didn't want to make a scene and instead went to WhatsApp to scream at her again. In the rant I called her thief and all sorts of insults that implied she did it on purpose, that hurts no one because she won't read it. Not to mention, she did accuse me of stealing her money before so it was like I was getting back at her for that.

After a couple of hours, she was crying and ranting to our coworkers that she accused of stealing, and that we "chould've talked about it like adults" because she didn't mean to take a taken chair and how she was finally moving on from this toxic friendship but I won't let it go blah blah blah.

I was confused because she wasn't supposed to read the message, that's when I realized she had unblocked me sometimes these past couple of weeks for some reason. I was called to HR and I would've been fired but I defended myself by listing all the terrible things she did to me. Finding evidence wasn't difficult because my rants included chat screenshots of the terrible things she said to be before and they decided she was a bigger AH than I was, but they were creeped by my behaviors and called me out on it. Not only HR, but my coworkers too.

AITA for continuing to send messages without taking into account the possibility she might unblock me anytime?

What are these acronyms?

[maximoffswriter]

Comfort In Pain.

warnings: self harm, mentions of blades, blood, suicide mentions/attempts

pairing/s: wanda maximoff x natasha romanoff x fem!reader

genre: angst? + fluff (at the end)

summary: reader is struggling so much to the point where she attempts, and slits her wrists just to find comfort. When Nat, and Wanda finds out about this, they try their best to help y/n.

disclaimer: ENGLISH ISN'T MY FIRST LANGUAGE, SO PLEASE BARE WITH ME! Also, this is literally a vent fic, cuz I'm struggling again!

you do NOT have the right/permission to copy, steal, or repost this and claim my work as your own.

✩.･*:｡≻───── ⋆♡⋆ ─────.•*:｡✩

Your POV:

The feeling of the cold blade as it glides against my skin, when I make slits is such a comforting feeling, as it eases the pain of my overwhelmed heart. As blood gushes out of my wrists, I smile contentedly. I do a couple more until my heart doesn't feel as filled with pain anymore. Soon, my vision blurs and all turns black.

A void pulls me in, yet there's a light, a small, glittering light. I hear knocking, and panicked screams, they're muffled, yet so clear. Fuck, they can't find me yet, I need to die. They break down the door, and sees me leaning against the wall, sitting in a pool of blood. "Call Bruce!" I hear Natasha say.

That was the last thing I hear before I hear the ringing.

»»————> time skip <————««

Natasha's POV:

Wanda and I found y/n barely breathing in her bathroom about a month ago, and she still hasn't woken up. Bruce has been updating us, telling us if y/n is getting better, and luckily, she is. Her heart is beating just fine, and he said that she might wake up soon. I really hope she does. I miss her bubbly energy, which makes me smile every time I get back from missions. She's Wanda and my source of joy, so without her energy, we just seem so blue most of the time, and everyone did not fail to notice. This situation also changed the way I fight in missions; I became more aggressive, as if trying to exert all my anger on the opponent.

Anyways, right now, I'm beside y/n, stroking her hand, while the team is watching some movie. As I was admiring her, I see her fingers twitch, and I stop my movements.

A couple of seconds later, it moves again. I stand up and run to Bruce. "Bruce, y/n moved!" I yell, overwhelmed by everything. He runs to the room y/n was kept in. Me and Wanda follows him. We all watch y/n, after what felt like forever, her eyes open so slowly. Wanda gasps, and holds onto me. I feel her body shaking, as sobs goes through her. I stroke her hair, comforting her. "W-where am I?" y/n croaks. "You're at the infirmary." Bruce states, y/n nods, trying to process every thing. "I attempted again, didn't I?" she asks, her voice cracking. "W-well, you did.." Bruce says, softly. "and failed, yet again." y/n mutters under her breath.

Wanda stares at her, and y/n smiles weakly. "Wanda, Nat.." She says. "Yes, любовь?"(lyubov/love) I say, approaching her. Wanda follows as well. "I'm sorry..." she trails off, tears pooling her eyes.

"детка (detka/babe), it's okay, but please just talk to us whenever you need us." Wanda utters. "yes, малышка (malyshka/baby), always talk to us whenever you need us. We love you." I say, gently.

She opens her arms, gesturing for a hug. We both rush to her, and hug her. "I love you guys... so much." she says, sincerely

[kaylinlmfao]

Welcome

My name is Kaylin, I'm 19, and I'm in love with Ethan Landry. I love to read, write, and bake. I'm bisexual and single.

This is pretty much just my rules and fandoms. My masterlists for different fandom's will be on this page. This is mostly a smut blog. Minors DNI. If anyone needs someone to vent to, message me. I'm here.

I only write fem or gender neutral reader

Fandoms and people I write for (starred and bold is the main fandom I am in at the moment but you can still request others!)

Masterlist in progress I promise

*Scream - Ethan (fucking love of my life I love you so much ill write anything for him I swear), Tara, Sam, Mindy, Anika, Chad, Quinn, Kirby, Sidney, Dewey, Gale, Billy, Mickey, Stu, Tatum, Amber, Jill, request others

Outer Banks - JJ, Kiara, Sarah, Topper, John B, Pope, Rafe, Ward, request others

Shameless - Lip, Fiona, Carl, Debbie, Ian, Mickey, Mandy, Veronica, Kevin, request others

The Hunger Games - Young Snow (fucking loml number 2 fr), Katniss, Gale, Johanna, Finnick, Peeta, Haymitch, request others

The Turning - Miles

The Goldfinch - Theo, Boris, request others

Ginny and Georgia - Maxine (fem reader only), Georgia, Zion, Paul, Ginny, Abby, Marcus, Norah, Brodie, Hunter, Press, request others

IT 2017 - Eddie, Richie, Bev, Bill, Stan, Mike, Ben, request others

MCU - Wanda, Natasha, Yelena, Kate, Val, Agatha, Scarlet Witch, request others (I'm a little hazy on the boys)

The Umbrella Academy - Five (loml number 3)

Decendants - Mal, Ben, Evie, Audrey, Uma, Harry, request others

Teen Wolf - Stiles, Void Stiles, Theo, Scott, Liam, Lydia, Malia, Brett, Kira, Allison, Kate, request others

Harry Potter - Anyone just request

Celebrities - Billie Eilish, Finn Wolfhard, Sadie Sink, Millie Bobby Brown, Jenna Ortega, Sturniolo Triplets, Maya Hawk, Ethan Hawk, Elizabeth Olsen, Dylan O'Brien, Thomas Brodie Sangster, Holland Roden, Eminem, request others

American Horror Story: Tate Langdon, request others

Do Revenge - Max, Eleanor, Drea, Tara, Russ, request others

I'm open to writing anyone and anything from these fandoms but you can also request things from other fandoms not listed above. I may have to watch the show or scenes before writing, but I will complete all requests, questions, imagines, oneshots, drabbles, and series based off of your request. Just request it, let me know what you want, and I'll do it

What I will write

Smut. This will mostly be a smut blog so please, minors DNI

Romantic/Platonic Headcannons

NSFW/SFW Headcannons

Yandere (my fave thing to write)

Angst

If whatever you're thinking of isn't on the list, that's ok. I don't have any hard no's so just request and I'll decide if I'm comfy writing it. Thanks. Feel free to request if you have an idea that you'd like to see be written! Also, if you'd like, you can message me for whatever! :)

[rubyscarbuncle]

VENT POST FEEL FREE TO SCROLL PAST

content warnings: dysphoria, self-loathing, depression

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I'm not really asking for advice or help, not really looking for people to feel obligated to read this, just kinda screaming into the void. I wouldn't turn down that, but if anyone does decide to read this for some reason, I don't want them to feel obligated to say anything. This is just a post to just... Get it out.

dysphoria has been beating my ASS recently. I feel like I'm out of the honeymoon phase of hrt if that makes sense, where the progress has slowed down a lot. Everything feels a lot slower and more incremental. I finally felt like I look femme enough to pass (a feeling that honestly I don't even believe on most days now) and tried to do voice training, but kinda stopped.

it's hard, on good days I can tolerate or ignore my voice but on most days I just don't like it at all. I think it's one of the reasons that I've been nonverbal more often recently. Although it's also due in part that I'm actually allowing myself to do so on days where I just don't feel like talking, but I think if I wasn't so dysphoric I'd at least be able to manage to just keep my mic on at least. Or at least squeeze out a few words. But I just don't like my voice being perceived. I think it sounds fake and wrong and a lot of other things. I know I wouldn't be feeling this way if I did voice training, but to do voice training I have to listen to and focus on my voice, and I hate my voice, but it can't change unless I do voice training, but to do it I have to listen and focus on my voice, and thus the cycle repeats and as I feel the cycle repeating my motivation dips lower and lower. It sucks. Like a lot. I feel like I'm in this weird fucked up stage where it's just enough to not present as outwardly masculine but is still very easily detectable as masc. I know passing isn't tied to gender, but it's a shitty feeling nonetheless.

I just wish I could bundle myself up and just never have to be perceived until my transition is complete. But I feel like I'm forced to walk around like a caterpillar that's halfway morphed, one that should still be in its cocoon but is forced to walk around anyways. It's a really shitty feeling that I don't know if I could describe to anyone that doesn't have to deal with it any better than that.

I put on make-up recently and felt not very good after putting it on, like I looked somehow more masculine in the way that you could tell I already didn't have a standardly feminine face but also had shitty make-up applied that feels deeply unfeminine, I got complimented by someone I know who signed to me saying "you look beautiful" and chat I can't lie, my first thought was "damn I can't believe they'd lie to my face like that."

It also sucks, because I feel like I'm nervous to be or act like myself outside of really close friends or else I might be seen as "not feminine enough" or something. But that in it of itself makes me feel like I'm just faking it or something and I feel like people can tell that which sorta makes its own vicious cycle.

I just wish I could just be put in some kind of vat like the healing pod for goku but for transitioning. Just sit in that vat and let the changes wash over me until it's over.

Don't get me wrong, I still love being trans, I love the community, I love the perspective it's given me, I love meeting supportive people, I love so much about it, but the dysphoria (and not to mention the transphobia) aougoughhhhhhhhh, it's debilitating.

[grineerios]

Insomnia won and I got around to writing things down about my Operator and Drifter instead of just letting my thoughts do laps of my brain. So uh. Long-ass backstories, I guess?

I do have memory loss so I'm not entirely sure how canon-compliant this is, but I guess there's no harm with a few tweaks if I had fun doing it lmao

New War/Duviri Paradox/Main Story quests spoilers(?)

(I do not have names for these nerds, but I'll update whenever I figure that bit out. I've debated calling them Sigma (O) and Lavan (D) after railjack parts, but it just doesn't suit them. I guess only time will tell)

Both Operator and Drifter are He/They, and AroAce. I haven't figured out their gender(s) yet, because gender is hard.

THE DRIFTER

Drifter is a very different man when interacting with Duviri and the Operator, versus everyone else. To most of the world, he's a stubborn individual with a streak of having a short temper. His seemingly obsessive need to have some kind of control can easily get on folks' nerves, making him a hard person to work with. Occasionally, though, one can see a small glimmer of the man behind the persona.

When it comes to Duviri, as well as with The Operator and other children, a laid-back, almost jovial man emerges. He has a very strong "what happens, happens" philosophy. When faced with adversity, he mocks it. When faced with hardship, he pushes through with a stiff upper lip. When faced with loss, he waves his hand dismissively.

But this isn't the full truth either.

In reality, The Drifter is an extremely anxious person with a desperate need to protect The Operator, especially after the events of The New War. This manifests as him flip-flopping between letting the Operator do what they want, and needing to control and have a say in everything the Operator does.

When in Duviri, this anxiety manifested slowly over time, starting with the Void's subconscious influence on Duviri. The landscape's shape was the first to change, next the sky turned to Void-like clouds, followed by the fracturing point- the Zariman itself appearing in the sky.

Up until this point, the Drifter was a mere side character in Duviri's story, a manifestation of an unimportant and uneventful life far away from the horrors of 10-0. Primarily, he was a Tammherd, moving flocks across Duviri's verdant islands, even as the Void's influence poked and prodded at the memories he'd repressed.

After the 10-0 appeared in the sky, however...

Everything changed. No longer could he pretend that things were well, that the Void-spirals didn't poke at his mind, that the Void-forsaken ship wasn't real, that Duviri was all he'd ever known.

As his anxiety grew, Dominus Thrax became more and more maniacal, pushing new laws and standards that began crushing at Drifter's soul and personality, hardening him into apathy after being hunted again and again for seemingly infinity.

Long forgotten were the days of falling asleep under the stars, having nothing but a Tamm for a pillow- no, now his days were split between the void-contaminated Zariman and being hunted and executed by Thrax. The songs of Void Angels and the scream of arrows and blades set the soundtrack for his life, replacing the shawzin music he'd formerly enjoyed playing.

No matter how Thrax decided to execute him that day, he'd always wake up, lost in the world foreign to him of the Zariman, a horrifying feeling tugging at his mind as he wandered the halls, confused and lost. But.. he'd always find his way back to Duviri. Through a vent, a door, a mirror, or a broken screen- it didn't matter. He always found his way back into his personal hell away from hell, doomed to live in his damned loop forever.

On one of these loops, before Teshin beats into their thick skull that yes, you can just leave this situation dumbass, while stuck in the Zariman, he was injured by either a void-touched item or a Void Angel. Throughout subsequent spirals, void crystals began to grow from the wound. And it hurt like a bitch. If he'd ever let you look at the wound- or the scar, as it presents itself in the Origin System, you might faintly see the curled spikes, if you squinted, as they're mysteriously mostly invisible when exposed to direct and indirect sunlight. Under artificial light, they're slightly more visible, but the Drifter intentionally wears clothes with baggy sleeves so as not to worry The Operator. Regardless of where he is, undercroft or origin system alike, the crystals feel like it buries itself deeper and deeper into his flesh when he uses transference.

We all know how the story ends. With the help of Teshin, the Drifter finally Gets A Fucking Grip On Things and is able to voluntarily exit and enter Duviri at their leisure. The only real difference is that instead of Lotus' hand granting the Drifter Transference, it's his void injury that allows for weak Transference within the Undercroft. He must make physical contact with a Warframe to transfer into it, even after his Void abilities are strengthened in the New War.

THE BEFORE

Before the void-jump incident, and before Eternalism made the Operator and the Drifter, there was the Before.

The Before was an isolated and distractable child. He didn't do well at school, often losing himself in thought and awe over whatever was outside the nearest window. His parents were botanists and agricultural specialists who helped to tend to and monitor the Zariman's agricultural biomes. Sometimes, much to his parents' frustration, he'd skip school to watch them work. They often would joke that they wished he'd pick a normal activity to skip school over, like Lunaro.

Although he did eventually pick up Lunaro and tried to learn shawzin, he never was far from the agri-zones if he could help it. There was something that pushed away his fears. Besides, if these plants could grow here, then who was to say he couldn't thrive cultivating life in Tau?

Aaaaand then the void jump incident happened.

Of course he wasn't paying attention when it happened. He was wayy too distracted by all the amazing colors in Saturn's rings. Melica's words all sounded like the same stuff he'd hear her say after day. Blah blah blah Entrati this Golden Masters that and who could forget the Seven? Drivel. Meaningless drivel. It mattered a lot to the adults but not to him at all.

The jump hit him like a truck, when the force knocked him out of his seat, and when beautiful Saturn was replaced with the eerie, wispy void. That's when he felt fear nag at him.

In the time before Wally made their deal with him, he somehow managed to get a grip on his emotions and channeled that fear into taking control of the situation, despite shaking the entire time he was checking in on folks. He buried his emotions, focusing on the new drive in his heart, to protect the others. Even if he was a little... Blunt. Or rude. Or aggressive about the whole thing. No matter how hard you try to hide intense emotions, they'll bubble out somehow, and I doubt the Void helped with that very much. But, his practical and stubborn mind kept most of the kids he was with safe- until the Orokin dubbed them Tenno for the Operator, or until he decided to go search for more survivors alone in the Zariman, wandering the vents while the others were found and taken away; Left behind, becoming the Drifter.

I don't think the Drifter ever forgave himself for letting that happen. Even if it was because Wally twisted words.

THE OPERATOR

In the present, the Operator is less angry, and less socially isolated than the Drifter. What they lack in comparison to the Drifter's temper and isolationist tendencies, they make up for in flippancy and spite.

He took well to transference, and his training as a Tenno under the Orokin empire gave him a sense of purpose. He'd protected his kind on board the Zariman, and he'd continue to protect them even now. With the help of his warframe, a Volt, he'd stand by their sides, and ensure everyone made it out alive. They were his Tenno fellows. His Clan.

As time went on though, his faith in the Orokin evaporated, as he saw how little they actually cared about his friends and himself. Vowing to never trust Orokin word again, he relished the Night of Naga Drums, when he finally got to strike back at the Orokin for their foul play.

His distrust of the Orokin carried over from Margulis to the Lotus, instead, looking up to the Dax remaining after the fall of the Orokin empire, knowing that they too had likely been manipulated and used by their Golden Masters.

Even knowing he'd been hurt and exploited by the Orokin, he had (and still has) a hard time seeing himself as anything but an Orokin weapon, the confusion and intensity of which only became more overwhelming after awakening from the Second Dream.

Things only got worse from there, really. His distrust of Lotus burned into outright hatred and he isolated himself from his fellow Tenno, occasionally doing mercenary work for syndicates like the Arbiters of Hexis and Steel Meridian. What purpose the Lotus had offered, he rejected, leaving him with a void in his life. Depression set in, and all he could do was wait for purpose to find him.

THE PRESENT

(My memory is fuzzy on details of The New War, so I'll need to replay it before getting into specifics about what Drifter and Operator were doing at the time. but.)

In the aftermath of the New War, the Operator has brought himself to understand that Lotus too was manipulated by Orokin power. This doesn't completely nullify his feelings, but does certainly mellow them out a bit more, to the point that he willingly participates in Tenno culture once more.

Drifter and Operator are working together, although Drifter insists on doing most Tenno missions, saying that the Operator should "catch up on being a kid" while they have the chance. This of course, does not help the Operator who desperately needs to get out and do things, as they're prone to going stir-crazy if they can't do anything for even short periods of time.

Despite having the transference circuits damaged in the Old War, the Operator almost exclusively uses his Volt, who's probably the closest thing he has to a best friend post-New War.

In the times when he chooses to, or is forced to use transference, the Drifter uses primarily an Oberon, followed closely by a Kullervo and Excalibur Umbra, the latter being an ideal choice as he doesn't require transference to be useful.

TL;DR

My Drifter is typically stoic with a hotheaded streak and a tendency for intimidation as the solution to problems. This, of course, is all fueled by a desperate need to protect people, and keep the Operator above all, safe. He's kind at heart, but it's a side rarely seen by anyone other than children or animals.

My Operator is an immature ball of spite, nigh-dependent on other people for his purpose in life. He shares Drifter's anger and aggression, but it's tempered with a strong sense of justice. He's deeply bonded to his Warframe, and the two are nigh-inseparable. Has an insatiable thirst for action, and is high-energy.

Both of them desperately need therapy and ADHD meds.

[hanorganaas]

rant time

gonna do a little venting because what was supposed to be a fun day going to moulin rouge, ended up being cancelled due to a really toxic situation so as ridiculous as it sounds i am gonna need hugs and reassurance right now cause im mentally being drained from it today and just need to scream into the void.

so the other person involved twisted the story to me being the perpetrator rather than the other way around but basically was i became friends with this person in the online Moulin Rouge fandom on twitter thinking hey it could lead me to a group of people to go to the show with. Cause isn't that what online fandom is about? About a couple of weeks of talking she basically gave me what I thought was an invitation to go to Moulin Rouge with her and her friends. Because she basically didn't inform said friends I was coming and it ended up being such an embarrassing situation to me.

She also said some wacky things about her relationship with cast members (she basically claimed they invited her to hang out and they were friends), so between her putting me in such an uncomfortable situation and that I was so turned off so I blocked her. She was so angry she basically started spreading lies. She basically used the fact I tried to make friends (none underage mind you) and my age to say I was a pervert and a creeper. And she basically managed to turn the whole fandom against me, mocking my hyperactive traits at the show. Despite taking precautions she still did this for at least 2 months, even going far as putting my face on her page and telling people to mock me. She even went as far as saying I stalked Aaron Tveit when I took a pic of him at stage door. I had to get a lawyer I worked with to send a cease and desist order to her cause it affected my mental health and physical health too in addition because I felt like I was going to be harassed (My PCOS symptoms exaspeated cause the stress took so much energy). She has since stopped and wrote what I thought was really a condensending apology note when she sent back the acknowledgment, but I am still nervous and traumatized by the situation. What is even more awful people treated her like she was victim, telling her poor baby when she was engaging in toxic behavior.

I went to go see Moulin Rouge 2 weeks ago, and I remember jumping out of my seat when a fellow fan I have been talking to came to say hi and introduce herself because I thought it was that woman or one of her friends. I felt so bad when I acted scared and stuttered because she was so nice to do that. But honestly the feeling I was being watched is gonna linger for a while.

The most unfortunate causualty of this all is I had to exchange my ticket to see Derek Klena tonight. I had been looking forward to it since December, but when I found out the woman who bullied me into a nervous breakdown because she wants to be the queen bee of a silly broadway show, i was so terrified to go. I feared her making a move, I feared her sitting next to me...I feared her looking for me and telling all her friends how much of a freak I am. I know I did the right thing because when I see Derek Klena for the first time again I want to enjoy it and not worry for my safety. I have not been physically well as well with PCOS, so it would have been too much with my full time job.

But I am so angry she is going. I am so angry she is going to be there absorbing the wonderful energy and excitement. I wanted the same experience I felt seeing Aaron come back. I am so angry she is gonna have a good time tonight, with still no remorse and no consequence and I am missing out. I want to so badly divert back into the old me go on her twitter and say, "have a good time tonight cunt, because i am missing out because of you" and say all these vicious things but I am holding restraint. What is gonna do, its gonna give her the ammo "look at crazy Nor and her neurodivergent quirks she hates herself for her". There's nothing I could do, but it still hurts like hell.

It was really the last thing I wanted with all the hell I am going through, family issues, internalized abelism, and dealing with chronic illness while trying to transition my career. I was hoping tonight would distract me but -sighs- I am gonna take care of myself because its the best I can do.

The only silver lining is I decided to get a ticket to see Moulin Rouge on May the 4th (I thought why not go on star wars day cause nothing bad ever happens on star wars day). I ended up getting an even better seat than I was supposed to get for tonight. (Litterally Derek is gonna drunkenly walk in front of my face during Roxanne and I am stoked) so at least theres that.

Anyway if you could send some good vibes today that will be great but thanks for letting me vent.

[bigbrotherben]

This is gonna be my vent/rant mega post, I'll just add whatever when it comes to me, don't read

I need to look into medication, I cannot keep living like this.

It's like I'm on a tightrope, and there's no hope for either fall.

And I've never been good with balance

Sometimes I think that if I wasn't raised Christian I would have turned out right? Like, I wouldn't be literally delusional if my parents taught me anything other than "you will always know what is right or wrong" when I was growing up I wouldn't...

I want to explain what I have, how I see the world, what makes things take so long to think about.

But I won't, because I am scared

Another trauma I can tie straight to the church, thanks for fuck all pastor Seth.

To be fair, it sounds insane, it sounds like it is a thing made up by a kid for attention.

Waking up every day knowing existence is wrong to do sucks.

I am overworked. Completely.

I wish people liked the things I made

I wish I liked the things I make

Whenever i feel like I'm a good part of something, I fuck it up. I cannot keep living like this.

Part of why my mental health is so bad is because I made a breakthrough, only to be proven wrong.

I have spent so long writing my essays and my stories and just keeping them hidden, just privately hidden someplace. Always thinking "oh I shouldn't share this people won't like it, people won't care about it."

And I have finally started a writing project that I post publicly, really putting it all on the line.

And yeah

People don't like it

People don't care about it

I should stop trying, I'm never going to be anything but some poor motherfucker, full of ideas, screaming them into the void, hoping someone will care. I cannot keep living like this.

It's dead. Of course, so I got back into roleplaying.

It's like I'm a fucking masochist, begging the world to step on my ballsack.

But instead of my testicles, it's my creative drive that pops.

I think I'm just bad, I think the problem isn't people around me not caring, I think it just sucks. I just suck.

I should quit Resonant Beats before the project is hopelessly infected with my shittiness infusion.

Honestly I think roleplaying is gonna make it worse, because it loops right back around to people not liking what I write.

I should stop being alive, it's really more hassle than it's worth.

Feel like shit, but did it, it's done, and now I know.

Don't try writing again, everyone hates it, you useless fuck.

Why don't you do it, it's practically all you think about these days, you're a non functional pile of pulsating meat that feels pain at every second. You're pathetic.

Even getting back into roleplaying proves it, people don't like what you write, they ghost you. Over and over. You are bad at writing, you are bad at talking, you have no positive qualities, you should be dead.

All you can do well these days is plan your own death, but you're too much of a non committal coward to actually do that either.

What the fuck do you do when the story leaves your intentions, when you wanted to try saying "Hey actually you can make friends and improve from where you are" accidentally turns into "no actually trying just makes it worse you should self isolate now" because like, the first one was my plan with Lagnox, learning to Love people around him healthily and forming long term relationships, learning that there's more to life then the rush of risking death. But like, that's not happening, shit's kinda just getting reinforced for him, his friends don't reach out first unless he screams and basically begs, one of them is fucking encouraging self isolation and his obsessions, to the point where I can't think of a tournament ending where he lives, and worst off he's gonna die unhappy, he now knows that there could have been more to life then what he's had, and that he'll never get it. And it's genuinely fucking with my real world emotions so much that I'm considering dropping him entirely.

Hey Ronnie if you see this, the timeline is clear, and the end is right before I left that server I've started thinking about killing myself every day again, I'll never be good enough for him, and the longer I go, the more he'll see my flaws

[resu-rlbmut]

vent post incoming but. this has truly been one of the months of all time ever. definitely a month with events and happenings and things that took place. i feel. Overwhelmed and Bad. but tbh mostly just feeling tired

i missed a bunch of uni requirements and i probably flunked my exams because i couldn't get myself together enough to actually study!!!

(on the bright side it wasn't All of my exams. but sadly i definitely DID flop on the subjects i hate. and the reason why i hate them is because they're the most difficult and boring ones. fuck i hope i won't fail or anything because if i have to retake those courses i will SCREAM)

on a more personal note i finally realized the reason why i resonated so much with the am i a lesbian masterdoc despite being a cisgender man. (yeah yeah i have he/they pronouns on the bio so what. can't a guy also be a they slash them now??? mind your business!!!) because i'm like. 98% sure i'm gay??? ok even typing that was scary to me but also saying that i'm gay felt more truthful, more instinctively true than me saying that i'm bi, so. 100% sure i'm gay

anyway back on topic i really actually resonated with the document because as it turns out, the feelings i was feeling was comphet??? because whenever i imagined a future with myself and a woman it was usually for The Bit. like some sitcom where the premise was "isn't it funny that SHE'S the breadwinner and HE'S the homemaker? gender nonconformity is hillarious!" so yeah. turns out all the people making fun of me when i was a kid were all correct </3

i just really wanted to write this down somewhere, somewhere public, even if it's not gonna be associated with me irl because. idk. i'm hoping that someone comes across this and relates, maybe? just screaming into the void for validation... i would be writing this down on my priv twitter account but. honestly some of the people i knew in middle school that (jokingly?) shipped me with one of my guy friends (don't ask) still follow me there and i don't want them to realize how right they were. i refuse

speaking of like, old friends or whatever, i really do wish i kept in contact with more of them but. here's the thing, i already know about myself that i don't talk to people over the internet unless i see them irl. like i know internet friendships can be just as valid and emotionally fulfilling and whatnot but tbh if i don't see them irl i just forget to talk to them :( like that sounds shallow and i know it's a problem i've known for years i really have. i just. don't know how to solve it??? and now i don't really talk to anyone in my college batch because i'm too tired to even make the effort of socializing and now i HAVE no friends to talk to because talking to other people even on the internet (ESPECIALLY ON THE INTERNET WHERE I CAN'T SEE THEIR FACES) is scary and nerve-wracking anf HDJSDBSJDHSJGH. i hate this i hate this i hate this i feel horrible and guilty and lonely the time thinking about it (<- random but i would be so easy to induct in a cult)

[vesselofmanythings]

ramble down in the tags because I am ~*embarrassed*~

[trees-can-draw]

I wish I was better at art sometimes :T

[borderlinereminders]

hey i could use some advice if its okay (also sorry if this is vaguely venty i am, very upset right now) i'm having a hard time regulating my emotions regarding my friend of 5 years, she's a good friend and we've been through a lot of ups and downs but nothing that we couldnt eventually figure out a way through lately. like the past year or so i've felt like i mean nothing to her and like i'm just a second option to pass the time. it first became a problem when her boyfriend who was abusive and her got into an argument over me (he thought me playing minecraft with her was abusive /srs) and she literally tried breaking off 5 years of friendship, not cause he asked but to appease him just in case it'd make him happy. obviously it didnt end up working but it hurt and it still really does hurt after that, while with her bf she started fawning over a girl and thats all she'd talk to me about sometimes, every day its either the girl or her bf. either its venting or gushing either way day in day out i was there to listen and it felt like i just straight up didnt matter anymore cause it was always about them and how she desperately wanted to be talking to them as if i wasnt even there or something then finally she broke up w her bf, and i thought woo no more of that but she immedietely got with another guy who even says he doesnt wanna date her, only wants to use her body and rarely if ever texts her back, yet recently she threw $50 just to try and get him to reply all the while constantly yapping at me how much she'd rather talk to him. every few months its someone new and i become obsolete, she'd rather talk to them and cancels plans just to talk to them instead of me. i've started trying harder in our friendship, always letting her vent always accepting hang out invites always replying to texts always encouraging her interests. outright buying her things to try and help fill the void she might be trying to fill. but nothing works she's always more excited for someone else. not that i have to be a priority of course i understand that but it feels like i've never been a priority, i'm not even 2nd or 3rd place and i feel awful and it hurts. plus another thing she never listens to me despite saying that i do seem to know whats best, i try to be there for her and give her advice when she asks then she turns around and takes what she admits is worse advice from one of the other people she fawns over just because she likes them better. i don't think i matter anymore (or ever did) and i don't know how to regulate or deal with that, i don't wanna accidently lash out at her but i don't know how to get past this. i've been ignoring her more frequently (i know its not good but i cant bring myself to text her i know i'll scream if i do) and she doesnt even really initate conversation, if she does its about one of the people as usual. which just makes it hurt more and make me wanna scream and lash out even more. i'm probably overreacting so if you have any advice i'd really appreciate it, thank you for your time

Hi anon,

I'm sure my advice isn't what you want to hear, but my advice is that she is not a friend for you and you should end the friendship. Of course, you can always try communicating to her and seeing if she changes her behaviour, but I also worry that she'll tell you what you want to hear and continue this anyways. It's not to say maybe she genuinely is open to changing, but it sounds like she isn't in a place to be a good friend to you.

You deserve to have a friend who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. Being ready to dismiss you like she has isn't a sign of a good friend. It also sounds like she takes you for granted.

You matter and you deserve friends who value you. You are not overreacting at all.

(Also, while it's reality that we tend to "prefer talking to someone" over someone else at times, or stuff like that, that isn't okay to say to you. )

You say she is a "good friend" and maybe she is in some ways. But from this ask, it feels to me that she isn't in a place herself where she is capable of giving you the friendship you deserve. It sounds like she has a lot of personal work and healing to do. When I say my advice is to "end the friendship" it doesn't mean it has to be permanent. But you deserve to be treated better, and if you aren't in a place to "end" it, you can definitely take a break from it.

If you aren't in a place to do that, then please start thinking about your boundaries and putting up boundaries with her. You deserve to be treated better.

Disclaimer: Please know that my advice comes from a place of what I would personally do. I am not a professional by any means, and cannot possible understand the nuance of the situation. You know this person better and your relationship much better than I could ever gauge from an ask. Please always be aware of patterns of behaviour, especially after healthy communication, because you deserve to be treated well. If a relationship/friendship isn’t for you, it’s entirely valid to end it even if it’s just a matter of being incompatible.

[skyllion-uwu]

Finally made one of those Carrd things here: https://skyllion.carrd.co/

PFP from here

Title is my current vocal stim

Extra Tumblr-exclusive things:

@sky-kinz (Webkinz blog)

@blakeworther (Dinoverse blog)

@skyllion-oc-archive (OC blog)

@sprinkle-stardust (Bailey's blog) This is a blog for my OC, Bailey! It takes place a couple years before the second half of Round and Round We Go, meaning she's about 15, doesn't know about the timeloops, and only knows Jaxon, Robin, Holmes, and Adrienne. She can't see any meta things, such as my OC blog or any tags I make about her, and she thinks Tumblr is broken because she doesn't see a follow button for anyone's blog. Feel free to ask her questions and stuff!

@mx-mind (post limit alt; follows, likes, comments from @skyllion-owo)

@skyllion-fashion-inspo (fashion stuff I save for character stuff like my OCs and my designs of Batman characters)

NSFW blog (18+ mutuals may message me for the name, minors and non mutuals please don't ask me for it. Mostly just me rambling about stuff I feel like I can't post on my main)

Tags I use under the cut

-I make a lot of commentary. If you want to, feel free to screenshot them and rb as it's own thing. I just ask you add an image description to it, either with one under the screenshot or as alt text

-I do trigger/content warnings as "#tw [thing]". Will tag suggestive content as "#suggestive" and explicit content as "#nsft" (I do not post porn).

-AI generated art (NeuralBlender, Dall E Mini, etc) goes under "ai generated". I don't tag informational posts on it that include examples since that's important

-Reblog for thing to happen goes under "superstitious post" and "rb bait". I ACCIDENTALLY TAGGED OLD ONES AS "SUSPICIOUS POST" SO BLOCK THAT TOO JUST IN CASE

-Fake news usually has an explanation in the tags that it's not real. Joking misinformation is tagged "joking misinfo". I use "tw unreality" on general stuff like something isn't real. Lemme know if I need to expand it to include more things!

-Things that are mentioned don't have a tw before it (for example, "suicide mention" is the most common example).

-suggestive vs. nsfw mention vs nsft: suggestive insinuates something NSFW. nsfw mention says something in passing. NSFT goes in detail.

-"#artistic nudity" is for pics with nudity that aren't sexual

-Please feel free to ask for tags so you can filter stuff out. I can either use a personal tag for you or if it's a common trigger I will use the same format across tags.

-"#sky screams into the void" are personal ramblings.

-"#sky vents like amogus" is specifically for venting. I almost always have rbs for these turned off, but you can like or comment unless stated otherwise. Please feel free to filter this out

-"#asks for sky" are asks. I also put the username of the submitter or "anon" if submitted anonymously

-"#cool trinkets and tchotchkes for sky" are for submitted posts! Same naming conventions for asks apply

-"#down in the deep queue sea" is my queue tag. That's right I'm using the queue now!!

-"#sky writes something" is my writing!!

-"#skyllion art" is my art!!

-"#rubber ducking with mica" is my programming tag (for games)!!

-"#skys doodly doodles" are low effort doodles I feel don't warrant the art tag

-"#micas rambling reactions" are my reactions liveblogged whenever I start a piece of media. I will tag with spoilers when necessary (eg. tag spoilers for new Deltarune chapters but wouldn't tag for Undertale since the latter media is old and widely known what happens)

-"#skyllion ocs" are original posts about my OCs!!

-Speaking of OCs, I love the Blorbos from My Brain! Thus, I'll sometimes tag stuff with these names: Jaxon, Robin, Holmes, Charles/Chuck, Bailey, Adrienne, Etienne, Shiko, Neil, Katsumi/Ryousei (formerly named Kami, so older posts will have that), Alina, Junko, Seoyeon/Trixy, Hasedonia, The Sun King (might be tagged Julius), Evanthe, Pyrite, Ophelia, Lila, Horace, Aiden, Betty Cassie, Talia, Willow, Andrew (name pending), Hunter (name pending), Eden, Mark, and Sky (written as "Sky (sona)"; they're a self insert version of myself in my stories). Fan OCs are less commonly tagged but they're Dahlia (Dinoverse OC), Nettle (Flower Kid from Smile for Me), Bee Batson (AU version of Billy Batson/Shazam), and Nova Armstrong or The Black Hole (DC/Batman OC). Feel free to ask about said OCs because I feel awkward randomly talking without people asking

-"#references" are just useful things/stuff I want to save. I'll tag things that don't apply to me but may be useful to others with this too; feel free to go through and rb what you need/want

-"#posts that if i had to see so do you" are cursed posts. I trigger warning these too but block this if you wish to spare yourself

-"#ask games" are ask games. Feel free to copy/paste a question if you wanna ask (don't just say a number though because it may be an old post and will confuse me)

-"#save for mom/my sister" is what it says on the tin. No need to worry much about this one but you get a glimpse into my offline life

-"#lorenzocore" or something involving Lorenzo is an inside joke OC with me and my sister. He loves soup and that's all you need to know. It's soup stuff

-Anything referring to Kokomo is a reference to another joke OC. We don't speak of that evil demon. His lore is very complicated and too much for a simple intro post

[mythireandfire]

I just found out today why the guy I’ve been talking to lately hasn’t actually asked me out on a date thanks to a very nosy co-worker who thinks we’d be a cute couple. I didn’t ask her to ask because I am very much okay with just being friends with him (though I very much would be okay if it turned into something more) and, honestly, didn’t want my, “I know I’m not attractive enough, or likeable enough to have someone interested in me that way” voice to be right. Because I really don’t think that highly of myself guys.

BUT ANYWAY my co-worker--who happens to be one of those people that you just open up too--went up and flat out asked him if he was interested in me and if so why he hasn’t asked me out yet.

Turns out he does actually like me--a lot according to her--but he’s just as awkward about relationships and whatnot as I am (spoiler: neither of us has been in a relationship before) and he said that he was afraid that if we were to start a relationship outside of friendship he’d end up messing it up and losing his best friend.

And I’m just???? Confused and elated and l wasn’t quite sure how to process this information?? I’m still not really sure to be honest? Someone who is kind and sweet and likes a lot of the things I like is actually...interested in me?

I’m not going to say anything, I just want us to be friends first and foremost, and if does develop into anything else than I’ll be thrilled. So I guess I’ll just continue to sit here with my, apparently, not so unrequited feelings. *sighs*

[moonlit-void-to-the-far-unknown]

Hi... this might make you uncomfortable to have someone talk to you about but I just really need to tell someone. I've had that sorta ed for a while and recently I started getting better (eating more than a small snack every couple of days) and then today I couldn't even get an apple slice down. Like, fruit is usually easy for me cuz I can ignore the fact that its food and just focus on the taste but today my body wasn't having it. Like I had a small bite of the apple slice and had to immediately spit it out. I cant even look at myself in the mirror because I feel so disgusted by myself. This probably isn't something you want to hear and I could care less if you respond, I just needed to tell someone cuz I can't tell my family or friends about it.

Awe sweet pea. Never think you can’t just scream into the void that is my ask box.

On this topic, I get it. I have struggled with food for most of my life.

I want you to know one thing okay.

Even when you have days like today, where you hate food and everything makes you feel disgusting.

I want you to know, it’s okay. Because recovery takes time. And while you may slip back to days like today, you can always recoup and try again.

Because the war with your body, and food, will never truly end.

And I know a lot of people tend to sugar coat that like how movies do, where suddenly the Character with an ED is suddenly better by some saviour therapist or hospital patients. But in reality.

It’s never gonna be easy. It’s a mental shift you have to focus on everyday.

For me it was and is at times binge eating

It’s a struggle to just not turn back to when I was younger and eat every emotion like I used to.

Because food for me was the one thing that didn’t hurt.

Like how for you the control is the thing that doesn’t hurt you.

I want you to know I’m proud of you, for even doing the simple small step of trying to eat today. Because that is huge.

And the days before where you were doing well. That’s so big! That’s amazing. And yeah your brain slipped back but that’s not erasing how well you are doing.

I want you to know that, food won’t always be the enemy, it won’t always be a force to eat small things like fruit or bread or what have you, it will seem easier.

It will always be one battle at a time in a never ending war, but each battle you win is a victory.

And I’m proud of you. For even the smallest victory. You tried to eat today? Victory.

You were able to say one good thing about your body? Victory.

Even if it’s,

‘My legs look nice in these pants’ that’s a victory because it’s not you hating on your body.

Never think I won’t wanna hear you when you need to vent okay, I’m always gonna be here.

And I don’t judge, I listen and try to help with my words.

You’re gonna be okay. And even so. It’s okay to not be okay, because no one can be perfectly okay all the time.

I’m proud of you. Okay. Don’t let today’s battle defeat be the end all of this okay. Let it be your time to rest and rethink how you can try again.

You got this okay? I promise you’ll be okay. It just takes time. And I’ll be here if you ever need to scream and vent into the void.

[heroicamargasaurus-moved]

Under the cut tl;dr of a rant in my drafts I made a minute ago because it’s a mess but I saw shipping-isn’t-morality on my dash and felt like wilting instantly lol so

tl;dr your ship is 9 out of 10 times not as deep as you think it is and saying that it is providing conflict etc and how healthy relationships are ‘boring’ so yours is obviously better from a story-point is stupid and harmful bye. You can have a relationship with conflict and imbalances of power (as in. not because someone is old enough to be the other’s grandparent) without it being something so truly awful that real people have to go through, and now have to deal with their trauma being jack off material to 30 year old woke fandom moms. Your fandom ship is not the same as a novel detailing why these things are awful and saying otherwise is amazingly-tone deaf. Stop making fandom spaces for children’s media unsafe for actual children because you think it’s sexy and makes a better story to make an adult character a pedophile.  Find a better way to write stories with conflict if this is the only way you can figure out how to. Bonus points if these people still portray this shit as totally healthy and fine in the same breath like what they’re doing isn’t okay at all.