#this isn’t just about wicked though. there have been plenty of fandoms where they get drowned by people who don’t care about it. they’re

[lotusishere]

Side rant: (this is not something I usually post about)

But does it bother anyone else when suddenly the thing you’re into becomes popular? And no, it doesn’t become popular because of how good it is. It gets popular because celebrities make it popular or use it for trends. Then you have people that “like” the thing you’re into but you can clearly tell they know NOTHING about it nor do they want to. They just want to like it cuz the rest of the world likes it. (Even though that one thing you’ve been obsessed about used to be something people judged you about? And now it’s suddenly popular and you’re loooking to the left and right.)

I don’t have a problem with people liking or getting into fandoms. I just don’t like it when it’s obvious they’re not here because they like it, they’re only there because it’s suddenly popular. Then it irks me even more when those people try to tell ACTUAL people in the fandom how the fandom and the thing you’re into works. Like hello???? I hope this makes sense.

Am I crazy for feeling like this tho????

[justmaybee]

Feather Sensitive

Summary: Oh, Yamaguchi’s really done it this time. He should just keep his mouth shut from now on. Unfortunately, that’s the exact opposite of what Hinata wants.

A/N: Y’ello! Another off-brand one, but hopefully a fandom peeps recognize. I haven’t seen Haikyuu in a lil, but I love Yamigoops and this has been 90% done for forever so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Based entirely off the second headcanon here, by @ticklishnonsense — absolutely loved it and you can tell cuz I wrote this ages ago for no other reason than having it written down for myself~

A big thank you to OP for letting me use her work as inspiration!!

———

This was a mistake. This was a mistake. This was a mistake.

Yamaguchi can’t will his mind into more elaborate thought, because it’s all just suddenly sunken in.

Hinata’s weight, heavy but not uncomfortable, resting snug on his hips. The loose tank top, just slightly too big on him, stolen out of Kageyama’s stuff at some point during one sleepover or another. And that ridiculously giant feather Hinata’s got poised between his fingers, like it’s a quill and Yamaguchi is a trembling, twitchy sheet of parchment about to be marked up.

When had he told Hinata? Why had he told Hinata?

Tsukki had figured it out, years and years ago; during one of their many one-sided tickle fights, Yamaguchi thinks. It’s been used against him for as long as he can remember, stray fluff from down pillows and blankets brushed over his neck or feet to pull a sudden and squeaky laugh. He’s never, ever told Tsukki just how much it really tickled though, and Tsukki never asked.

So why did he have to go and mention this to a person just as skilled and merciless in tickling people—often Yamaguchi people—into boneless puddles of teary, hysterical laughter?

It’s got to be Hinata’s charm. If Tsukishima has his cold, borderline apathetic, poise to lay base for his killer teasing method, then Hinata’s strength comes in his natural curiosity. Wide eyes, a light voice, and an openness that makes Yamaguchi feel like he can talk to him.

This, apparently, is not the case in a topic involving feathers. Because Yamaguchi will apparently lose all sense of self-preservation and voice his thoughts on how unbearably sensitive he is to a thing most people will flinch at and brush away like nothing.

But of course, it’s too late for him to realize his mistake now. It wasn’t until Hinata came barreling down the hall, shopping bag in hand, to tackle Yamaguchi to the living room carpet that things started rolling into motion.

Now Hinata’s got Yamaguchi pinned, arms under his knees and a big, big smile stretched over his face. It’s so genuine and excited that Yamaguchi finds himself getting a little lost in it, at least until the feather comes back into focus.

“I mean come on, Yamaguchi.” Hinata holds the quill of the feather and traces the soft end up his own arm, dusting it over his collarbone and getting just a hint of a twitch out of his lips before twirling it between his fingers. “I almost think that you’re lying to me.”

But his face must convince Hinata otherwise, because he doesn’t look like he thinks it’s a lie. The tracing of the feather, even along Hinata’s skin has Yamaguchi twitching, breathing funny. Goosebumps rise along his arms, and Hinata is so riled up with energy—so ready to take Yamaguchi apart—that it’s practically impossible for the brunette to even try and stop the wobbly smile making its way onto his face.

Hinata is the one to burst the bubble of anticipation building slowly in Yamaguchi’s gut. He laughs, a delighted little sound, commenting on the cute pink of Yamaguchi’s blush before he goes in for the kill. And Yamaguchi has never been that great at holding back his reactions, especially when he’s already a tense and flustered mess untouched, so the result is pretty immediate.

The first giggle slips hesitantly out of his throat but clears the way for many more as Hinata gently traces the base of his neck, skimming over his collarbones like even a feather could break them if used too harshly.

It’s a little timid, a little reserved, which is a major change of pace from Hinata’s usual quick and dirty way of fighting. He’s always had a ‘take no prisoners’ sort of approach to a tickle fight; either win outright or die trying, but the new method seems to slow him down a bit.

He’s thinking, watching. And luckily, for him and most certainly not Yamaguchi, the change seems to work really well with the soft touch of the feather. Pulling giggle after giggle from his victim and making him sputter at the attention when he realizes how closely he’s being observed.

The plume travels slowly up Yamaguchi’s neck, high enough that he’s able to jerk his head to block out either side as it passes. Unfortunately, that just causes Hinata to speed up the back and forth strokes, attempting to dodge Yamaguchi’s blocks. And it’s effective and so much more ticklish, Yamaguchi chokes on his sudden snort and tosses his head back on impulse, laughter getting louder and more desperate as Hinata takes advantage of the newly exposed skin.

He keeps at it until Yamaguchi feels light-headed, a little delirious with his laughter completely unchecked. The feather strays to flick up over his ear, and the whimpering laugh that comes out keeps Hinata there until Yamaguchi’s shoulder is twitching spastically of its own accord, desperately trying to stop the light, constant brush over his sensitive skin.

He gets a break—thank God—after a few minutes of this. Being dubbed most ticklish in the house (after many, many tests) has left him with pretty high stamina. But somehow a few minutes of Hinata and a feather has him panting for breath like he’d just finished a hundred laps around the gym.

Yamaguchi is so caught up in catching his breath (and trying to calm that tic in his shoulder) that he doesn’t really think about how breaks aren’t much of Hinata’s style either.

His floaty mind comes to bite him when he feels two soft points of contact touch down on his wrists.

His arms jolt on instinct. His elbows move a smidge in either direction but stick firm to the ground. Hinata’s smile takes on a wicked gleam and...oh boy.

If Yamaguchi gets out of this alive, the others will have some real competition for scariest tickler.

The feathers sweep back and forth, back and forth over his arms. They start at the wrist, and would almost feel nice if not for the impending sense of doom that has blood rushing through Yamaguchi’s ears right now.

The swaying movement drifts up, painfully slow. He doesn’t even think it tickles that much right now, but that doesn’t stop him from physically biting his lip to stop the snickers from making their way out.

It’s when the pair reach his inner elbow that first crack appears. Yamaguchi gasps and Hinata perks up, keeping the feathers there a moment longer, letting them sweep side to side a little faster.

From there the cracks spiderweb exponentially.

The gasp ends up turning into a snort. As Himata continues his path upward, it becomes a whine. And when he’s at the faint line where his skin darkens with a tan, from long summer days spent out in a t-shirt, he decides to flick the feathers in an alternating pattern over either arm.

It has Yamaguchi rocking back and forth in a way that he guesses might look kind of funny. Hinata starts laughing anyways. And of course, it’s enough to get Yamaguchi’s lips to loosen and let out the stream of bubbling giggles he’s been suppressing for far too long already.

His arms feel warm, almost as hot as his face, even though their air conditioning has been working pretty decently lately. There’s a faint tingly feeling still left where the feathers had once brushed his skin.

Everything already feels so sensitive, and Hinata isn’t even there yet.

There are butterflies having a—a mosh pit in his stomach right now. He can’t remember the last time he felt so wound up getting tickled. Then again, he can’t remember the last time Hinata put this much...care? Is that the right word for this situation? —into destroying him.

It makes Yamaguchi a little happy, for some reason.

And sometime about that moment seems to be the limit for Hinata’s concentration, because the change from gentle, teasing touches to his usual form of attack is both quick and excruciating.

The moment after, when Yamaguchi suddenly has two feathers sweeping fast little strokes under his arms, his brain completely short circuits.

What leaves his mouth can only be called a shriek and it’s quickly drowned out by the squeaky, panicked laughter that floods the room immediately.

His chest is jerking side to side in vain. There’s hair in his eyes and a little in his mouth from how violently he’s tossing his head around, but he can’t register a thing beyond the millions of wispy, light strands fluttering a fast track over and over and over the soft and sensitive skin beneath his restrained arms.

Hinata gets the bright idea to not try and jam the delicate things towards the floor anymore. He instead tries twirling them in a circular motion in the spaces underneath Yamaguchi’s arms.

Yamaguchi didn’t think his voice was high enough to screech like he used to, but ‘Hey, you learn something new everyday,’ he thinks, entirely delirious.

His back arches off the ground, head tossing back then pressing into his shoulder as if it’ll somehow smother his hysterical laughter.

It’s bright and desperate and so, so loud. Yamaguchi would typically only reach this point when someone’s feeling particularly ruthless with plenty of time to spare, but it could be hours since Hinata first got him pinned down; it sure feels like it.

There are weird little squeaks that pierce the air when he’s got the breath. His limbs are doing this constant squirm that’s got him feeling hot all over. His lashes feel wet and he knows it’s a matter of seconds before the tears start to fall.

But nothing is more prominent than the feeling of soft, soft, so very soft; and it tickles, it tickles, it really tickles.

———

When Yamaguchi’s brain finally starts rebuilding from the mush, hiccuping giggles making their way through his gasps for breath, he feels Hinata still sitting on top of him. Thankfully—mercifully—though, the feathers are nowhere to be seen, and his hands have been let free.

Seeing Hinata’s hand in his peripheral makes him flinch, but he just wipes at Yamaguchi’s cheek, brushing away the leftover moisture.

“I had to stop because you were starting to look like a strawberry,” Hinata grins. His skin is cool against Yamaguchi’s. He leans into the touch.

“So...was that awesome or what?” Hinata continues, voice energetic though he still rubs a soothing motion over Yamaguchi’s cheek.

Yamaguchi takes a second to reflect. On the dreamy tiredness seeping into his bones, the floaty high that fills up his head.

He nods, once or twice. Though from where Hinata’s sitting, it could just be Yamaguchi nuzzling into his hand. That’s fine. Yamaguchi could use the plausible deniability.

Once he’s been declared as officially ‘not a strawberry anymore,’ Hinata helps him up. He only stumbles a little bit, but of course Hinata has to poke fun.

“You know what that means?” Hinata throws out, arm linked with Yamaguchi’s as they make their way to a well-deserved seat on the couch.

Yamaguchi hums in response.

“We’ve gotta start building up your tolerance.”

Yamaguchi’s eyes widen, but he’s pushed onto the couch with a lap full of Hinata before he can say anything. He looks up at Yamaguchi all big eyes and a bigger smile. Yamaguchi swallows.

“We’re doing that again, soon.“

[poesparakeet-fics]

Here you go, you thirsty beasts.

This one got long so it’s a 2 parter! It’s SFW, so enjoy it at the link or here in the post.

Chapters: 1/2 Fandom: Critical Role (Web Series) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Caduceus Clay & The Mighty Nein, Caduceus Clay & Jester Lavorre, Caduceus Clay & Mollymauk Tealeaf, Caduceus Clay & Yasha Characters: Caduceus Clay, Jester Lavorre, Mollymauk Tealeaf, Yasha (Critical Role), Nott | Veth Brenatto Additional Tags: Tickling, Revenge, Shrinking, wild magic mishaps, safeword, Teasing Summary:

Caduceus has made a habit of tickling some of his companions, be it as a cheer-up, a settle-down or a playful punishment. When a mishap with some wild magic makes his smaller than his friends, a few decide to get a little revenge.

FIC

Caduceus didn’t mind arcane magic most of the time, after all, Caleb used his with great expertise.  But he was getting real tired of wild magic, real fast. 

When Jester had cast her guiding bolt she’d gotten butterflies, for Mother’s sake. He’d tried to heal Fjord and saw everything around him start to stretch and grow. They kept fighting, of course. It wasn’t until the last of the shrieking horrors was lying dead that he realized what had actually happened. 

The world hadn’t grown, he had shrunk. Which was, to be fair, easier to deal with. Still, he was feeling pretty sorry for himself as he sat with his feet dangling from the side of their kitchen table, now only a few inches taller than Veth.

A visiting Shadowhand was peering at Caduceus with a small frown on his face before scratching his head and sighing. 

“Alright. The bad news is, I don’t think we can dispel it. Jester said you tried a restoration spell?”

Caduceus nodded glumly. 

“Well the good news is, it will almost certainly wear off. The spell is using energy to maintain this form in you, it will run out of that energy eventually. But… I cannot tell you how long it will last. Based on the rate of decay I would guess a few days but that is some conjecture on my part.”

Caduceus let out a sigh. 

“Thank you for your help, Essek. I guess I’ll just have to live with my current… uh… change in perspective for the time being.”

“Yes, a good attitude to keep. I’m sure it’s been a long time since you were that small.”

“Huh. Yeah, I guess I would have been a baby. Maybe I’ll ask Veth for pointers.”

“I think that all of her advice will involve climbing, Herr Clay. You might need to make your own way.” Caleb chuckled from his seat nearby. He was leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. He had been watching Caduceus like he was a puzzle, but now he was smiling, having been assured that the situation wasn’t too serious.

“Yeah, you might be right.”

Caduceus hopped off the table, turning to see Caleb smothering a little half smile. Caduceus pointed a finger accusingly.

“You cut that out.”

“I’m very sorry. It’s just… it is very cute.”

…

“Caduceus, can I hug you?”

Yasha had walked through covered in rainwater not ten minutes before, but she’d returned in dry clothes. Caduceus, about halfway through drinking a now comically large mug of tea, looked up to meet her gaze. He could see the little haunt of loneliness in her eyes that sometimes creeped in, even in a house full of lovers.

“Yeah, of course.” 

He put his tea down carefully before hopping off his seat. He started to pass her into the living room, but Yasha sat at the table and pulled him into her lap instead.

“Woah!”

“Sorry!” Yasha rushed out, “I didn’t mean to surprise you! You were lighter than I thought you’d be!”

“It’s OK,” Caduceus assured her, “I’m just not used to being picked up.”

Yasha wrapped him up in her arms. “Is this alright?”

He relaxed as she coiled herself around him, face buried in his soft hair. 

“Yeah. That’s very nice.” Being held so literally felt old and new at the same time.

Yasha nuzzled his head. “I’ve wanted to do this since you shrunk. I love you when you’re big, but it’s so nice to get to squeeze you for once!”

Caduceus chuckled. “It’s nice to be squeezed, honestly.”

“And you’re so cute! I just want to eat you up! Omnomnom!”

Caduceus felt his whole spine twist on instinct when Yasha gnawed playfully at the back of his neck.

“No-ho!” He squeeked, so high pitched that both of them froze in shock. 

“Aw, Caduceus…”

“... It would be really unfair to tickle me. Just because you’re bigger than me now--” He was cut off when he had to press his lips together to smother another peel of laughter.

Yasha grinned with her teeth still pressed against his skin.

“I dunno, you tickle the others plenty.”

“Because they need it!”

“Hehe. I think that’s probably true, but they never get you back because you’re always so scared of hurting them by accident. Isn’t that because you’re bigger than them?”

She blew a raspberry on the side of his neck that made him squeal far too loud. He heard approaching footsteps. 

“No no no nonono!” He squeaked when he realized what they meant.

Jester bounded through the door first, magnetically drawn to any ticklish sounds in her vicinity. She stopped in her tracks when she walked into the kitchen to see a smiling Yasha with a giggling fun-sized firbolg in her lap, now curled in a desperate little ball within her embrace to avoid the fingers pinching at his tummy.

“Oh my goodness, is little Caduceus ticklish?”

“Nohoho!” Caduceus tried to plead or run, but his laughter was blocking the former and a meaty arm was blocking the latter.

“Mmhmm,” Yasha answered with one hand clawing his belly, not even out of breath for the effort she was expanding to thwart his escape, “I think big Caduceus is too, he’s just easier to tickle now.”

Molly and Veth stumbled in behind Jester. Molly had a grin on his face, coming to stand behind her and rest his chin on her shoulder. His eyes narrowed.

“Hey, he’s being real loud, eh?”

“Huh?” Jester answered.

“Well, it seems like he might need to settle down a little.”

“Ooh,” Jester giggled, “I think you’re right Molly!”

Caduceus felt a cold chill splash down his back. Sure, he’d seen this coming, but it didn’t stop the escalation of shivery, giggly panic through his system. And running was not working out for him.

“Well,” Molly purred, “Isn’t it lucky that we have such well established guidelines for getting someone to settle down.”

Caduceus switched gears, climbing further into Yasha’s lap instead and clinging to her shoulders.

“Please! Don’t let them get me!”

“I dunno…” Yasha teased as the tieflings stalked closer.

“No! Yasha, they’ll kill me!”

“Oh, don’t worry, I won’t let them kill you. But you do deserve this just a little, don’t you?” Yasha lowered her voice, all but whispering in his velvety ear, “Don’t forget, licorice works for you too.”

Caduceus whimpered. Ok, so did he deserve it? Yes. Probably. A little. Had there been a few times where he’d tickled a tiefling to pieces less because they needed to settle down and more because it was fun? Maybe. Perhaps. A couple of times, tops.

He took a deep breath to try and steel himself, shutting his eyes tight in the hopes that not seeing them coming would somehow save him. Yasha chuckled in his ear, seeming to sense his acceptance of this fate. 

“Heh. OK,” she whispered in his ear.

Fingers as strong as barrel bands gripped his ankles and Yasha stood up. The world spun. Balance upended, Caduceus eye’s shot open to see the devilish forms of his approaching friends as they cheered Yasha on, only upside- down. Yasha was hanging him by his ankles. 

“Don’t be too mean or I’m eating tief toes for dinner, got it? He’s not used to it.”

Molly’s smile became razor sharp and Jester clapped her hands. Caduceus could only hug himself and try to keep his shirt from falling over his head. 

“Not used to getting a taste of his own medicine, you mean? Seems to me that should be corrected.” Molly purred.

"Ah! Can we please talk about this?" Caduceus asked, the tiniest hint of a whine making its way into his usually rumbling voice.

"You can talk all you want, Caduceus!" Jester bent over to put her face next to his. She gave him a teasing wink before planting a sweet little kiss on his cheek.

"Veth?" He asked, looking pleadingly at his fellow (currently) small creature, "Solidarity? Please?"

Veth just laughed at him. "Nah."

"But you're going to help us though, right Veth?" Jester asked, voice full of mischief. "When will you get the chance to tickle Caduceus again?"

"Heh. Nah." The halfling answered, strolling out of the room. "I'm good, thanks." 

"Humph." Jester pouted for a moment, but it quickly morphed into a wicked little smile as she reached out to tickle Caduceus' long velvety ears.

"Ahhahaha- hehe- ha... no... no... MOLLY GET AWAY FROM THERE!"

The other tiefling cackled with glee, pinching Caduceus' knees. The firbolg’s legs pumped on reflex, his body wiggling like a worm on a hook. 

"So loud! You're not settled yet, love, just relax."

"I wahahahas born settled!"

"Oh reeeally? Jester teased him, hands jumping up to poke and pinch at his ribs, effortlessly dodging any attempt he made to block her. "Then why are you so loud and wiggly, huh?"

'B-because you- eeheeheehee! Tiheheheckles!"

"Does it?" Molly taunted, dropping down to Jester's level and fluttering his hands across his belly. 

"Yehehes!"

"Excellent!" Molly cheered, before grabbing the hem of Caduceus' shirt and yanking it down over his head. 

Caduceus squawked, temporarily blinded by the homespun linen that was now tangled around his elbows. He started to fight with it, trying to push it down (up?) again to cover his downy torso, for all the good it was doing. Then he felt a cool pair of lips press against his belly, and he squealed before Jester could even begin.

Ppppbbbbtt

“Aaaaiii! NahahaHAA! STAHAP!”

Caduceus’ pleas fell on deaf ears, Jester only pausing long enough to take a deep breath and giggle to herself before she hit him again. 

"Yes! Wish I could grow a beard just for this, you fuzzy bastard." Molly crowed.

Caduceus whimpered frantically, his shirt somehow transformed into an impossible maze that kept him blinded and defenseless.

An ominous silence was followed by a deadly double attack made Caduceus’ voice crack with the force of his squeal. “AHAaaA! LICORICE!”

The both backed off right away, leaving Caduceus dizzy and catching his breath. Jester started to help him get untangled from his shirt. Molly grinned down at him before taking a deep, threatening breath to make Caduceus shriek in anticipatory panic.

Molly didn’t get a chance to make good. In one more dizzying instant Caduceus was set upright on his feet, watching Yasha chase Molly out of the room. 

“WHAT did I say?”

“C-come on I wasn’t gonna do it! Yasha! Please! He threatens me like that all the-- Nooo!”

Jester chuckled at Caduceus’ dazed expression, pulling him into a cuddle where they stood. 

“You OK Caduceus?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah.”

“That’s good. It was fun to tickle you for a change!”

“Well I’m glad it was fun, because when I’m big again there are going to be consequences.” 

Jester just giggled at him, then tugged him to sit on a chair and put his tea cup back in his hands with a kiss on his cheek.

[soldierfirstclasszeldafair]

AN: Thank you so much for requesting! Sorry I didn’t get this out sooner. I’ve been overwhelmed with school and didn’t want it to show in my writing. Please let me know what you think. I’m a little rusty.

Fandom: Devil May Cry

Dante Sparda NSFW ALPHABET

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Dante is very attentive. He knows he just put you through a lot and depending on who you are to him it can differ. If it’s just a one-time thing he’ll still make sure you’re ok, probably get you some water, but will avoid small talk. He’ll wait for you to fall asleep before sneaking off into the night.

However, if you’re together it’s a whole other story. Dante’s very gentle after sex. He takes his time cleaning you up, not wanting to cause any unwanted discomfort and also to watch you bask in the aftereffects. Dante loves to hold you in his arms and lazily stroke your back, peppering you with kisses while whispering sweet nothings in your ear.  

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His: Dante doesn’t really have a favorite part of himself.  

Yours: Dante likes to have a handful. Whether it’s your ass, boobs, thighs, it doesn’t matter. He just likes having something nice to hold onto while he thrusts heavily in you.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Honestly, it’s everywhere. This man packs quite the load and he’s aware of it. Whether it covers your stomach or down your throat, he doesn’t care as long as it’s messy. Though his absolute favorite place to cum is inside you but that only happens once he’s sure he can trust you.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He secretly has a Daddy kink. He’s not all that into having kids but call him Daddy in the heat of the moment and he may just cum right on the spot. Seriously be careful.  

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He acts like he has more experience than he really does. Truthfully, he has a hard time trusting someone enough to be that vulnerable with. He may have been under the influence of alcohol when he was with someone else but was never seriously involved with anyone.

Though he may not have much experience, he certainly makes it up with enthusiasm. He’s a very fast learner and has plenty of source material to learn new things. He does have his natural instincts with his demon heritage too.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

He loves having your front laying across his desk, hand full of your hair, hips snapping furiously against your ass. He loves the view of seeing himself disappear inside you. Also, it gives him great access to your neck where he loves to sink his teeth.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

You get the best of both worlds with this man. He’s loves that sex doesn’t have to this serious thing and that he can have fun and laugh. He may bring out the cowboy attire for some roleplay, but the both of you can’t help but laugh at his fake southern accent. He knows it can’t be all laughs and giggles though and when he needs to be serious, he can be.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

His hair is the same color. He’s got a happy trail that leads to a decent amount of hair. If it bothers you he will trim it, but he prefers to have some hair though.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He may be a devil in the sheets, but he’s the one doing the worshiping. When he’s committed you’ll know it. Dante can be very affectionate and loving. The first “I love you” may bring him to shed a tear. He’s ruined every other man for you. Dante makes sure you know you’re loved.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He’s no stranger to it. When he’s not particularly interested in someone it’s not all that often. He does have to deal with his heat somehow. It isn’t until someone has piqued his interest it becomes more frequent.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

He’s willing to try most things. Always makes sure theirs mutual consent before doing anything.

This demon loves orgasm control. It comes with the dominate nature of his being. He likes to hear you beg for him but flip the script and make him do the begging and he becomes putty in your hands.

He likes breath play but will never fully close off your airway.

Roleplaying is one on his list. He’s a sucker for need a pretty nurse to take care of his needs.

Devil Trigger Sex. It’s going to take a lot of convincing to persuade him into doing it. The last thing he wants to do is hurt you.  

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

It’s no surprise that Dante likes taking risks, so as long as you’re ok with it anywhere can be up for grabs. Whether it’s in a dark alley for a quickie, in the back of Morrison’s borrowed car with fogged up windows, or in the bedroom for something more sensual.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Biting him on his neck is a surefire way of getting him to take you where you stand. You just marked him as yours, so he needs to do the same.

Lingerie, he tends to rip it off so be sure to warn him if you really like it.

A simple way that can be hidden from prying eyes is to take his hand and putting it between your legs. Or just stroke him. (He may make a game out of it so be prepared.)

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Inviting somebody else in is a huge no. Dante doesn’t share. It’s a fast way to ruin all the trust you’ve spent so long building. If you even bring it up, he’s already shutting you out of his life.  

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Dante loves to receive especially when you look him in the eyes while you do it. He’ll throw his head back and lets you work him over. If you denied his release he’s going to growl in frustration (in a good way) and if you continue to edge him, you’ll get him to beg for release.

Remember how I said Dante will worship you? You may have to tell him to stop because he tends to get carried away. He wants to hear you. He lives for it. He tends to get rather vulgar while he’s going down on you too.

If you’ve mange to get him to trigger good luck getting him to stop. His heated breath is going to have you so wet just anticipating his tongue. God his tongue. It’s barbed and should be illegal to possess something so deadly. It usually ends when you black out from overstimulation.  

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Dante tends to take his time with foreplay, making sure you’re prepared for what’s to come, but the pace quickens very fast from that point. There’s passion in his roughness. He likes to make a mess of you, having you say his name over and over. He leaves you sore in the best way.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

100% down. He likes to be fully in control for quickies. He pins you to the wall or closest piece of furniture, sliding your panties to the side and fucks you nice and fast. He loves it when he has to clamp his hand over your mouth to keep you from being a moaning mess. It’s an ego boost for him knowing just how loud he makes you.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

YES, in short. If he trusts you and you him, he’s willing to try. There’s been many, many times where you’ve both have nearly been caught. You’d swear it’s his favorite pastime. And no, it did not stop him when you did get caught. He simply used his body to keep you from being seen, laughed, and kept going like nothing happened.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

His heritage is both a blessing and a curse. He has more stamina than the average man. He’s a bit of a sex fiend. He likes to make a day of it if he’s honest, but it’s whatever you’re comfortable with. If you’re down for one round he’s completely fine with that. He’s going to make sure your both satisfied. Willing to help him deal with his heat? Great! Just know you he’s not letting you go far.  

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

It started out for you only then he’d became more experimental. He likes being handcuffed and blindfolded. You took the vibrator that was originally intended for you and strapped it to his cock. You’d never seen your devil squirm so much.

Dante doesn’t use them unless you’re with him. He’d rather experience the fun with you. However, he’s more possessive of you than he originally thought. Dante Sparda gets jealous of the dildo you have. He’s thought about throwing the damn thing out the window. He wants to be the only thing inside you, not some fake cock that can’t even compete with his size. He understands that you have needs when he’s not around, so he has to forcefully block it out of his mind.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Dante is the Devil when it comes to teasing. He’s got a vulgar mouth, a wicked tongue, and he’s pretty great with his hands. The smug bastard.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Dante isn’t loud per say. He more breathy than anything. That doesn’t mean you can’t get something else from him. He tends to moan when things are going slower, a more romantic setting if you will. Though if you do want to hear him, the easiest way is to start teasing him, making him grunt or growl in response.

His demonic form is where things get interesting. He’ll purr if he’s breeding you. It’s an eerily calming sound from such a creature. Though if you’re brave enough and dare to tease him in that form, he’ll growl. It’s a low vibration that you feel throughout your body and it sends chills over your skin. It quickly becomes a favorite of yours.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Dante didn’t realize how good it felt to have someone else run their fingers through his hair. The light pulling against his strands does something for the man. He prefers you to play in his hair after sex. It’ll help him fall asleep faster plus he let’s out the cutest noise. It’s like a light moan but not quite. He’ll soon start to purr the closer he is to falling asleep. If you play in his hair in the morning it’ll most likely lead to morning sex.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

He’s above average in length for sure with a nice thickness. He’s got a prominent vein on the underside and he curves a bit to the left.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Before your relationship he could manage going 2 weeks without helping himself out. He didn’t really have the time to whip it out when he was busy trying to keep the lights on. Now though? He can barely mange the length of your cycle.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He’s got this internal rule that he doesn’t want to go to sleep until you do or if he’s sure you’re satisfied. You do tend to fall asleep before him, mostly with your head on him.  Every once in a while, he’ll fall asleep first mostly when you play with his hair, with his faced tucked into your neck or chest with an arm wrapped around you. Dante to sleep deeply after sex so it’s ideal to get in a comfortable position before he falls asleep.

[puddygeeks]

𝑾𝒂𝒓 𝑶𝒇 𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒔 - 𝑪𝒓𝒊𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒂𝒍 𝑴𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒔, 𝑺𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆𝒓 𝑹𝒆𝒊𝒅 𝒙 𝑶𝑪 - 𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 8: 𝑮𝒐𝒍𝒅𝒆𝒏 𝑶𝒑𝒑𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒖𝒏𝒊𝒕𝒚

Masterlist

Rating: Mature

Summary: 𝐴𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑒 𝑛𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑖𝑚𝑎𝑔𝑖𝑛𝑒𝑑 ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑛 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑔𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒, 𝑏𝑢𝑡 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑑𝑒𝑠𝑖𝑟𝑒 𝑡𝑜 ℎ𝑒𝑙𝑝 𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑠 𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑢𝑙𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝑖𝑛 𝑡𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑏𝑙𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑙𝑒𝑓𝑡 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑡𝑙𝑒 𝑜𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠. 𝑊𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑢𝑝𝑝𝑜𝑟𝑡 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝐵𝐴𝑈 𝑓𝑎𝑚𝑖𝑙𝑦, 𝑚𝑎𝑦𝑏𝑒 𝑠ℎ𝑒 𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑓𝑖𝑛𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝑏𝑒𝑔𝑖𝑛 𝑡𝑜 ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑙 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑤𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑠 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑝𝑎𝑠𝑡.

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Pairing: Spencer Reid x OC

Status: Ongoing

LONG TERM ONGOING PROJECT :)

My writing is entirely fuelled by coffee! If you enjoy my work, feel free to donate toward my caffeine dependency: will work for coffee

𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔: 𝐺𝑒𝑛𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝑎𝑑𝑢𝑙𝑡 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑛𝑡, 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝑡𝑟𝑖𝑔𝑔𝑒𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑚𝑒𝑠 𝑎𝑠 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑠ℎ𝑜𝑤. 𝑃𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑏𝑒 𝑎𝑤𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑑𝑜𝑒𝑠 𝑚𝑒𝑎𝑛 𝑐𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑐𝑎𝑠𝑒𝑠 𝑜𝑓 𝑚𝑢𝑟𝑑𝑒𝑟, 𝑐ℎ𝑖𝑙𝑑 𝑎𝑏𝑑𝑢𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 & 𝑠𝑒𝑥𝑢𝑎𝑙 𝑎𝑏𝑢𝑠𝑒 𝑎𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑖𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑛𝑎𝑡𝑢𝑟𝑒 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝐵𝐴𝑈'𝑠 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑘. 𝐼𝑡 𝑖𝑠 𝑚𝑦 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑡𝑜 ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑙𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑠𝑒 𝑖𝑠𝑠𝑢𝑒𝑠 𝑎𝑠 𝑐𝑎𝑟𝑒𝑓𝑢𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝑎𝑠 𝑝𝑜𝑠𝑠𝑖𝑏𝑙𝑒, 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑖𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑦𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑓𝑒𝑒𝑙 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑏𝑒 𝑖𝑚𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑑 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ ℎ𝑜𝑤 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑠𝑒 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑎𝑔𝑒𝑑, 𝑝𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑙𝑒𝑡 𝑚𝑒 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤.

Eᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇ: Pʀᴇ Sᴇᴀsᴏɴ 1

Chapter Eight

“You know, it’s remarkably similar to Brighton Pier here.” I commented, fanning myself in desperation under the scolding sun and Ricky pushed his large sunglasses down to allow me to feel the full force of his judgement. “Well, except that it’s unmistakably hotter, obviously.”

“How dare you compare this beautiful sandy bliss to your pebble filled nightmare?” He remarked with a sweeping hand gesture at the beach, before sipping out of his straw with offence and I rolled my eyes at him.

Ricky has always been a force to be reckoned with, but as he got older, he only grew more confident and I was constantly inspired by how comfortable he was in himself. His thick brunette hair reached his collarbones now, but he currently had it pushed back out of his face with a colourful bandana so that he could tan. In order for him to worship the sun to his full capacity, he was wearing a worryingly small pair of shorts and had stretched himself across a lounger like the diva that he absolutely was.

“Hmm. Your actual beach is better, I’ll give you that one. But you’re seriously lacking on drag queens, quirky cafes and fancy boutiques to shop in.” I pointed out, fondly recalling the whirlwind weekend that we’d spent in the British city the last time that he’d visited me and he shrugged in defeat.

“Touché. You win this round.” He admitted, laying back to bask himself again, whilst I shuffled my sensitive skin further under the sun umbrella that he’d reluctantly agreed to allow me to bring over on the condition that it didn’t cause a single shred of shade over him.

It was a beautiful day, only improved by the quality of my company and I had to admit that I was endlessly pleased to have decided to extend my stay for another few days. Despite the years that had passed since we had last been in each other's physical company, Ricky was still able to put me at ease in a way that no one else had ever been able to emulate and I cherished the opportunity to simply relax with him at the Virginia Boardwalk.

“So, what’s it like being an FBI agent?” Ricky asked, turning his attention back to me with a smug expression. “Is it wonderful knowing that you have the power to stop anyone in their tracks? I would absolutely abuse my power for evil, but I know you’re too pure for that.” He muttered with delight and I chuckled at him knowingly. The things that he would use an FBI badge to accomplish didn’t even bear thinking about.

“Darling. I already told you. I’m not an FBI agent. I’m still a technical analyst for Interpol. I’m just on loan.” I repeated, already losing count of how many times I had made this distinction, but he still seemed as unconvinced by this as he was the first time that I told him.

“Oh, semantics! Sounds to me like you’re working for them and considering that you saved a girl from a burning building like a freaking hero, I’m just going to treat you like one.” He argued, seeming amused as if I were simply downplaying things, when realistically, it was a case of him dramatising the arrangement, as he did with most things. “We have an FBI agent in the family. That’s pretty cool.”

“There is absolutely no reasoning with you.” I groaned, shaking my head in embarrassment and he shrugged dismissively, as if this were an obvious fact that I should have accepted already. “How’s university going? Have you sorted your accommodation for your second year yet?”

“College is going fine. I’ve done a fantastic job being the life of the party, so I have plenty of offers for people to live with. My only struggle is choosing people who aren’t completely filthy as housemates. I can’t live in a grubbly little student hovel.” He explained, seeming repulsed by the very idea and I raised a brow at his diva attitude. “Don’t look at me like that. I’m not being dramatic. My first year in dorms, I shared a bathroom with straight men. You don’t understand the trauma that I’ve lived through.”

“Does your mother know that you haven’t arranged housing yet?” I interrogated, already sensing a hint of dishonesty in him and his features quickly contorted into a guilty look. “Rituparan! I understand being picky, but you’ll end up with no choice other than to live with the grimy jocks if you don’t hurry up. You need to get organised.” I scolded, earning an eye roll so severe that I worried his face might never recover from the strain.

“Don’t get your panties in a twist, Alley Cat. I’ll get it sorted. Now, drink your mocktail before it gets too diluted.” He ordered, sipping down the last of his drink and placing the little umbrella from the top in his hair with a flourish. The moment that he faced me, I knew that he had mischief in mind.

“Okay. Are you ready? Who am I?” He pouted so dramatically that his cheeks all but disappeared and I almost choked on my drink.

“Oh, too easy! That is the unforgettable Lola, the only woman on the planet who considers a cocktail umbrella the perfect hair accessory for any occasion.” I answered, earning a cheer and wicked laugh of satisfaction from him. “You know, I love having someone else to mock dad’s exes with. You’d think the fact that he only dates women my age would mean we’d have something in common, but alas, apparently a sense of humour isn’t shared by age group.”

“Of course they’re not funny! The only thing those girls come with is a price tag.” He sassed, flipping his hair back out of his face in a ridiculously bitchy gesture and I was immediately reminded of just how much I loved him. “At least you don’t have to pretend to like Tanya anymore. Honestly, if she had a second brain cell, she’d be dangerous.”

“Oh, no! They broke up?” I gasped, almost sounding convincing with my upset and he whipped his head around with drastic confusion. “I guess she had to bleed my dad dry of pocket money eventually.” I drawled, prompting a small yelp of surprise and a quick high five from Ricky.

Tanya had been dating my dad for just over six months now, so I knew that she was likely to be approaching her expiration date soon. His routine was well known amongst the entire family now and in an effort to counter the embarrassment that it caused for my mother and I, it had become a running joke for us all to share.

“Didn’t you hear the details?” Ricky crooned, turning to face me fully on his lounger with a devious expression and I shrugged nonchalantly. “According to Maji, she tried to charge her lip fillers to his business credit card. Caused all sorts of uproar at the office. I guess she’ll be making that duck face at someone else’s wallet now.” He divulged, pouting into an exaggerated model face for effect and I struggled not to splutter my drink everywhere in response.

Ricky’s mother always seemed to know everything that was happening in our family and I’d long believed that this was where he’d learned to dig information out of people. She was abnormally gifted in guilt tripping the truth out of even the most hardened family members and yet, she doted on Ricky as if he was the very thing that made her world turn. If I ever wanted to know what was going on in my dad’s life, I knew that I could rely on her to be up to date with events.

Before I could manage to recover enough to speak, my mobile rang with it’s sharp tone and I had to clamber around in my bag to find it. As soon as I saw the private number, my eyes grew wide in dread.

“Oh, no! The bat phone?” Ricky asked, seeming genuinely horrified that I might be called into work and I quickly nodded, before holding a finger to my lips to shush him.

“Agent Hawthorne.” I answered, feeling utterly ridiculous referring to myself this way in my current company. This insecurity was only made worse by Ricky sliding his shades back on in a judgemental manner and I gestured to him to stop distracting me.

“Alice. This is Hotch. Are you still in Virginia?”

The voice on the other end of the phone was as serious as ever and though I was enormously relieved to find that it wasn’t anyone from Interpol trying to order me home, I felt nerves building in my chest already.

“Yes, Sir. I am.” I reported, noticing Ricky raising his brows at me in interest and I knew that he was dying to know what was being said.

“I realise that you’re spending time with family, but would you be able to come into the office for a meeting? I have a matter that I would like to discuss with you in person, if possible.” Hotch requested, allowing me absolutely no hint of the cause for this meeting and I felt my face change into one of alarm.

My mind had already begun racing with all of the possible complications that I could be facing for my actions at the base now that all of the documentation for the case had been submitted and I was terrified that if any further charges were brought against me, they could contradict the deal that I made with Interpol to avoid imprisonment.

“Yes, Sir. I’ll come in right away.” I stuttered, attempting to fight down my terror. My hands shook with nerves as I hung up on the call and Ricky looked positively thrilled to have been given the opportunity to witness this conversation, as if he’d just been personally included in a matter of national security.

“It’s a good thing that you went for virgin cocktails, my dear. I have to get back to Quantico.” I confessed, quickly burying my nerves so that he wouldn’t sense trouble.

“Oh my god! This is so exciting!” He announced, hopping straight to his feet and flustering to grab his belongings that were spread across every surface around him. “One cab for Agent Hawthorne, coming right up!”

--⥈--

Outfit: https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/460070918191621506/

Standing in the lift of the Quantico building, I was overwhelmed with anxiety. I had been in such a rush to get here that it hadn’t even crossed my mind to change clothes, or to do anything to prepare my appearance at all. Though I knew that I didn’t have any more office clothes with me anyway, I acknowledged that I could at least have found something that provided a little more coverage and didn’t leave me feeling so exposed.

The idea of walking through an office where everyone was dressed smartly, wearing a white floral mini dress was an absolute nightmare and I realised that I only had a few minutes to make any changes. All I could think to do was to untie my waist length hair, shaking it out to at least cover some of my arms and attempting to make it look styled.

The doors opened to reveal a full office, with most of the team present at their desks and I gulped nervously. My dress felt as if it had actually shrunk in size since the beach now that I would be seen in it by people that I had worked with and I had to remind myself that I had bigger things to worry about with being called to come here than my attire.

JJ’s heels clicked on the polished floor as she entered the reception, her professional appearance clashing horribly with the casual style of my low top converses and I tried not to feel intimidated.

“Alice! I know that I said we wanted to see you again soon, but this is a little crazy.” She breezed as she approached me with a warm smile and I tried to force myself to relax. “Hotch is just finishing a call and he’ll be out to meet you.” She explained, before her gaze fell onto my outfit and I felt myself physically become stiff under her scrutiny. “You look pretty!”

“Oh, thanks. I was just on the beach. I’ve already worn all of my work clothes so, um, this is all I have?” I offered, shifting awkwardly and she smiled sympathetically at me.

“We’ve all been called in at unexpected times. I was literally collected from home in my pajamas once. You’ve got nothing to worry about.” She soothed, leaning closer to me as she spoke so that no one would overhear my concern and I let out a long breath in relief.

“Besides, I know that Hotch is just going to appreciate you being able to come in at such short notice. I hope you got to enjoy at least a little bit of your time off before we intruded?” She asked with an honest concern in her eyes and just as I opened my mouth to see if she could give me even the slightest hint of what to expect, Hotch stepped into the room.

“Alice. Thank you for coming so quickly.” He stated in his usual serious manner, reaching straight to shake my hand and I complied immediately, forcing a smile through my nerves. “I’ll try not to take up too much of your time. Let’s talk in my office.” He offered, opening the glass doors to the main office for me and I stepped through hesitantly.

Within approximately two steps of entering the space, I could already feel eyes on me and tried not to allow myself to be unnerved by the attention. The anxious voice in the back of my mind screamed that I was the most inappropriate looking member of staff to ever enter this office, but I forced myself to keep my head held high as Ricky had always preached.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that Spencer was watching me from his desk as if he’d been stopped in his tracks and I waved subtly at him, prompting him to hurriedly do the same back in a fluster. Morgan passed Hotch distractedly, before he noticed that I was following him with obvious surprise.

“Looking good, Poppins. Welcome back.” He muttered as he squeezed beside me, sneaking a charming smile and thanks to the combined warmth of the two men, once again I felt my nerves beginning to settle slightly.

Hotch encouraged me to take a seat in his office, before closing the door behind us and I felt as if I couldn’t think straight in the silence that followed. He settled into the seat opposite me, knitting his hands together on the desk between us and despite feeling before that I had reached the point where I could understand his expressions, his face at this moment was completely unreadable.

“For a start, I want to discuss what happened at the Twenty Nine Palms base.” He opened, his stern eyes studying my face for every minute reaction and though my heart sank at the suggested topic, I nodded back calmly.

“Whilst it can’t be denied that your actions resulted in saving a young girl's life, they were also unacceptably reckless. You demonstrated absolutely no regard for your own safety and jeopardised the reputation of the whole team. You are aware that we appreciate your support, but I’m not convinced that you realise we are legally and morally responsible for your wellbeing whilst you are under our service and that I would be personally held accountable for your death as a result of your irresponsible actions.” He lectured, his voice sounding even more severe than it had when I was in the ambulance and I felt my confidence crumbling with every word that he spoke.

It became clear that he had paused his speech to allow me the chance to explain myself and I cleared my throat to speak with a feeling of terror.

“I’m truly sorry for my actions, Sir. You are entirely right. I was reckless and selfish, and I didn’t consider how my behaviour would reflect on your team, and especially on you. I’m not going to make excuses. I just want you to know that I accept any and all consequences that you feel are appropriate.” I answered calmly, ensuring that I kept my tone calm and respectful, and he sighed as he studied me.

“I didn’t call you in here to punish you, Alice. This is a conversation, not a lecture. What I aim to understand is why an agent with no field experience, or any personal stake in the case, felt that they had no choice other than to risk their own life to save a child who they’d never met?” He clarified, his entire demeanour remaining unchanged even as he moved to a gentler tactic of questioning and I chewed on my lip.

It took a few moments for me to consider how best to answer this, but eventually I decided that I respected this team as a whole too much to lie. I prepared myself for a conversation that I knew would likely change his opinion of me permanently, but assured myself that honesty was a necessity at this point.

“When I was fifteen years old, my mother was abducted.” I began, glancing down at my hands as I spoke to avoid the intensity of his gaze. “It took four months for her to be found and when she came home, she was a different person. I never saw the mother that went missing again.” I paused, clearing my throat to keep the emotion from my voice before continuing.

“Three years later, a girl at my university went missing. She wasn’t the first, but the stakes were high as all of the others had been found murdered. I obsessed over everything that my mother had survived to come home and I couldn’t imagine how awful it would be to endure that at just eighteen years old. So, I began looking into the case and after a while of digging, I compiled enough information to anonymously assist law enforcement in safely recovering the missing girl. I realised then that I had the skills to make a difference to the world and I kept going, one missing person at a time, until Interpol found me.”

“You were given a choice between conviction, or working for them?” Hotch asked knowingly, as if he’d seen this very situation many times before and I recalled the recent conversation that I’d had with Penelope about hackers frequently being recruited through their questionable activities. I nodded slowly in response, deciding that this wasn’t the time to divulge any further information about the circumstances of my hiring.

“I didn’t join this field by choice. It was never the plan for my life. Don’t get me wrong, I always wanted to help people. I actually trained to become a psychiatrist, like my dad, but a job like this had never even been on my radar. Yet, here I am.” I explained, shrugging awkwardly as I realised that this sounded like I was ungrateful for the mercy that I was shown and I tried to be more careful with my wording when I spoke again.

“When I was standing in front of that building, watching the smoke pour out of it, all I could think about was how my mother told me that she spent every minute of every day that she was in captivity praying to come home. I could just imagine Amanda doing the same thing, hoping with everything she had that someone would save her and I was right there.” I stopped as frustration seeped into my voice, allowing myself to regain control so that I could resume my explanation.

“I knew that there was a chance that she was still alive and I felt like everything that had happened, all of the crazy unplanned situations that had led me to being there at that exact time were so that I could save her. It sounds insane, but it was like my legs moved before I had even decided what I was going to do. For the first time in my career, I trusted my team, this team to have my back and with all due respect, Sir, it was the right thing to do.” I finally finished my rant, forcing myself to meet his eyes to allow him to see my sincerity and I was shocked to find that his face was filled with understanding, causing me to realise that he was already filling in the blanks between my words.

“You said that this was the first time that you felt this way about your team. You shouldn’t be working with people that you can’t rely on. In our line of work, we are forced to face horrors that most people can’t even begin to imagine. The people around you should be your anchor in the storm.” Hotch advised, causing my eyes to become watery and I sniffed back my emotions, desperate not to cry in front of him. “You have options, Alice.”

“What options? Prison?” I scoffed, recalling my conversation with Shepard with a flinch.

Though I had thought in detail about leaving Interpol many times since my recruitment, I knew in a serious light that it was merely a fantasy and nothing more. Without my employment to them, I was considered as nothing more than a threat to security and returning to normal civilian life was no longer something that I could consider.

“Join our team.” Hotch offered, causing my mouth to drop open in shock and I noticed the corners of his lips twitch slightly upward at my reaction.

“It’s clear that you are neither happy, nor valued at Interpol. You have already proven the difference that you could make across multiple cases and the entire team have agreed that you make an excellent addition.” He elaborated, listing reasons that I struggled to even associate with myself and I couldn’t seem to form a response, as I stuttered in the silence.

“But, I-Sir, we just discussed how I jeopardised this team. I don’t mean to seem rude, or ungrateful because I absolutely am not, but I fail to see how I’ve given you the impression that I would make a suitable field agent. You already have Penelope for technical support, so I’m not sure what else you could need me for here.” I pointed out, hardly able to wrap my head around the sudden detour that this conversation had taken and found myself baffled at the very concept of him offering to employ me.

“When your team brought you for the Valeno case, you showed potential that they were purposefully dismissive of. After you left, Gideon suggested that I speak to you about a position within the BAU. Unfortunately, at the time we didn’t have the available resources to do this. Due to the recent successes of this team, we’ve been granted the budget to expand and I would be foolish to ignore a candidate who has already contributed to that success. You are a good fit and the first choice of every member in this unit.” He presented, completely disregarding my concerns and when I looked at him with confusion, he sighed.

“I have discussed the recent incident with Gideon and we share the opinion that with the correct mentoring and the support of a team that believes in your worth, you could be an exceptional field agent.” He divulged, causing me to raise my brows impossibly higher in surprise.

It was bizarre enough that Hotch wanted me to join the team, but finding out that Gideon had been the instigator for this offer blew what remained of my psyche to pieces and Hotch cleared his throat to regain my attention from my inner turmoil.

“The offer would, of course, be conditional. It would be based on your own commitment to overcoming your experiences. None of us are immune to personal biases and each of us have elements of our pasts that make certain cases more challenging for us than the others. However, we rely on each other to hold us accountable, and have all learned to be objective and to know our limits. If you think this is something that you can also undertake, then there is a place here for you. As long as you want it.” Hotch clarified, causing me to stare back at him in blatant disbelief.

“I-I honestly don’t know what to say.” I stuttered, fiddling with my hair anxiously and Hotch cracked a rare smile at me. “It isn’t as simple for me as just changing state. My life is in France now. I’ve already left my mum behind once in England. I’d also have to renounce my dual nationality and become an American citizen.” I thought aloud, considering the enormity of the decision before me and Hotch nodded in understanding.

“Can I have some time to think about it?” I asked nervously, unsure of what else to say and Hotch seemed completely unsurprised by my reaction, as if he’d actually been expecting it.

“Of course. It’s a serious decision that you aren’t expected to make right away. Take all of the time that you need.”

--⥈--

“Girl. Your life is crazy!” Ricky gasped, studying me with a fascinated expression and I had to laugh at his dramatic reaction, despite mostly agreeing with the sentiment. “You’re gonna say yes, right?”

I sighed deeply as I considered this question and the way that he considered me now revealed exactly how insane he thought I was for even needing to think about it. In order to avoid his prying eyes, I stood to start clearing away the takeaway boxes that littered my hotel room bed, but Ricky refused to be silenced.

“Alice. Honey. What are you doing?! Life at Interpol has been miserable for you since day one. You said it yourself. I can’t imagine anything there that could be worth turning this offer down for!” He scolded, staring at me in complete disbelief and I shook my head at his youthful attitude to things.

“It’s more complicated than that. I never planned to work in this sector at all, much less as an FBI agent!” I explained, still struggling to process the fact that this was even an option that was open to me. It felt as if it had come from nowhere and I was already overwhelmed with the mere concept of making such a serious life decision.

“This isn’t just a job that we’re talking about here. It’s a completely different life. I need to be sure that I can handle it, before I move away from everything that I know. I’d hardly ever get to see mum and Roger.” I clarified, struggling to make him understand the severity of the situation.

“You never visit your mama anyway! I should know. I overhear Maji talking to her about it enough.” He groaned, only causing me to feel even worse about the idea of moving even further away from her.

“Besides, if you took it then you’d be living right near me and there isn’t any better benefit than that!” He added, posing across the bed as if he were the most important factor in the proposal and I chuckled at him with fondness. He sighed at my lack of enthusiasm, before dropping to a more serious tone.

“The most important thing for all of us is your happiness. You’d be crazy to stay somewhere that is making your whole existence taste like bad Aloo Gobi. And you deserve better than that! You deserve for your life to always be like Maji’s cooking, full of love and happiness.” He described, seeming as if he’d distracted himself along the way and he glanced back down at his plastic container of curry with disdain.

“You realise that you have a gift for being able to relate literally anything to food, right?” I remarked playfully, observing him with amazement and he shrugged carelessly.

“Food is one of the most enjoyable things that sustains us. It’s important.” He argued passionately and I couldn’t think of a single point to dispute his statement with, having to allow him the pleasure of being correct. “Fortunately, Mumbai Gardens is able to provide an almost authentic experience, right here in the heart of Virginia. A good meal can heal many things, you know. Even the stress of your biggest ever life decision.”

“That’s high praise coming from you. Could it pass the home test though, do you think?” I queried with curiosity as I disposed of the remaining trash with the Mumbai Gardens logo on it and he scoffed as if I’d asked something utterly ridiculous.

“Not a chance! Even Mama would be able to tell you that it wasn’t completely correct. You know, she’s actually been with Maji long enough now to have better cooking taste than some of my other actual Indian friends.” He revealed, showing his love for his step mom, who happened to be my paternal aunt Heather, clear in his voice.

I couldn’t withhold a wide grin as I thought of my aunts, both filled with a warmth that radiated even in my memories. Heather and Ricky’s mum, Nabhitha, had been married for almost ten years now and were the main reason that I still had any faith in true love. They had done an admirable job of raising Ricky together, with Heather always treating him as if he was her biological son and I was endlessly proud of them. Thanks to them, Ricky had grown into the confident, funny teenager that I loved. Their blissful blended family gave me hope for my own future.

“I just had an idea.” Ricky breezed, sitting up particularly straight as if he could barely contain his enthusiasm and I turned back to face him with interest. “If you take this job, we could totally rent a place together! I could be your stylist extraordinaire, in-house councillor and professional Indian chef.” He suggested, his eyes gleaming with excitement and I scoffed loudly at the idea.

“Absolutely not. I’ve already got enough on my plate, without considering parenting you, Ricky.” I laughed, wincing at even the thought of dealing with his dramatics on a daily basis and he gasped at my refusal, seeming as if he could never have expected me to refuse his generous offer. “You can be as offended as you like, but I still don’t have the energy to deal with a college kid in my space. I’m not gonna be your easy way out of student housing. Pick some other teenagers to live with already.”

“Fine. I was offering you a lifestyle of sheer luxury, but I guess I’ll just have to take my fabulous self somewhere that I’ll be better appreciated.” He announced, acting as if he were hurt by my denial, before quickly softening back into a smile barely a few seconds later. “You should definitely think some more about taking the job though, queen. You deserve a fresh start.”

“We’ll see.” I conceded with a chuckle, desperate to simply end the conversation. “Now, which film do you want to rent?”

[bellatrixobsessed1]

A Heart Of Ice

Prompt: Pride Fandom: Winx Club Pair: Icy/Bloom Summary: Witches shouldn't be with fairies, Icy knows this. And yet she still finds herself woefully drawn to Bloom.

It is a pride thing, she knows. That is why she can’t give in. That is why she can’t let the fairy love her. Moreso, that is why she can’t love the fairy. Why she can’t love anyone at all. She has a reputation to uphold, a frigid heart to maintain. And if the fairy gets too close the ice around it might just melt.

She thinks that the danger had always been there. From the very moment that the fairy had so rudely fluttered into her life. She had spunk, determination, and a fire to match her power--however weak it had been the first time they had met.

How terribly does she wish that the fairy wouldn’t have grown into her powers. Perhaps if she hadn’t--if Icy had had her way and whittled her confidence away to nothing at all--then she would have nothing to be drawn to. But as it were, the fairy has bite. It isn’t all that often that someone has the brazenness to get in her face, to talk back and fight back. And perhaps that is part of her allure. Who is she kidding, it is most of Bloom’s allure.

She had been judgemental of Darcy when she started pining over Riven.Projection, it couldn’t be anything else. To scold and shame Darcy was to scold and shame herself; the both of them could use it. Witches don’t fall in love. Witches aren’t soft. All the same she had been fixated on Bloom. It was for her power and for her power alone, that is what she vowed. But she knows that it was far more than that.

She thinks of the fairy more than she cares to admit. Perhaps it wouldn’t be so alarming if those thoughts were seeping in simmering resentment. But mostly when her mind drifts to the fairy it is with fondness. Fondness for her witty comebacks and for her taking no bullshit.

Each time that the fairy had gotten the better of her had infuriated and intrigued her in one fell swoop. And so she resents Bloom with more fury. Maybe if she throws enough ice and a generous helping of petty insults, she can drive the feelings out.

Somewhere along the lines she begins to wonder. Wonder why she has so many reservations. Why she can’t stomach the idea of letting herself fall in love. She could add her own wicked flavor to it. She doesn’t have to be soft…

But a witch and a fairy? Unheard of. Absolutely vile.

It was one thing for Darcy to finally cave in and snatch Riven for herself. And this time without the dark intent. It chills even Icy to think that the man had driven dark intent from Darcy. She swallows, if Riven is capable of such a feat then Bloom can surely drive Icy’s essence out.

She pulls a dusty book--a sinister old tome--from the shelf and flips to a thumbs her way through it.  If she can’t find a spell to remove her capacity to love, then she will find one to eradicate her emotions entirely. It can’t possibly get any colder than emotionless.

Stormy enters their dorm, Helia in tow. Icy swallows; what is happening to them? What have they become?  Stormy has her hand in his. Icy thinks that it was a mistake to come back to Cloud Tower and put in a serious effort to graduate.

Perhaps that is another option; studies come so naturally to her. Maybe she ought simply engross herself in them and make no time for anything else. She is already back at the top of her class, it wouldn’t be too hard to request a heavier workload.

Stormy takes a seat and leans against Helia. He is doing ‘the hair thing’ again. The hair thing, as Icy has come to find out, is when Helia puts his hands on either side of her head and floofs the witch’s hair like he might do with a pillow.

“Gag me.” Darcy rolls her eyes.

Riven chuckles and sets his drink down.  Apparently the sentiment is shared by everyone but Stormy and Helia. Not that they are paying any mind to anyone around them.

“So, Icy?” Darcy speaks up. “Does it feel weird to be the only one without a guy?”

“Yeah!’ Stormy perks up. “Aren’t you lonely?”

Icy flips the page with more force than necessary. “What happened to love is repulsive, ladies?”

Darcy shrugs, “we’re supposed to be turning a new leaf or whatever.”

“And besides.” Stormy grumbles. “If that Mirta can go full on fairy then why shouldn’t we mix it up?”

“You just like having someone play with your hair.”

“Wouldn’t you though?” Helia asks. He gives Stormy’s hair a final ruffle.

“You don’t have to find a gentle man like Helia.” Riven points out. “There are plenty of men like yours truly.” He wiggles his brows.

“Stop that.” Darcy swats him.

“Helia is not a gentle man! He’s tough!”

Helia clears his throat. “Actually, I like to think that I am a gentle soul.”

“Helia is a pacifist.” Riven reminds.

Icy is certain that, that is exactly why things are going so smoothly between the two. In the way that Darcy and Riven share a rougher edge, Helia and Stormy are perfect opposites. He is the mellow to her tempestuousness and she is punch in the face when he can use a bodyguard.

“I am not interested in men, ‘real’ or not.” Icy says flatly. And she isn’t lying. She couldn’t care less about the specialists. Fairies. She likes fairies. She rubs her face with her hands. Why does she have to like fairies?

She’d been rather fond of Mirta too. She hadn’t been fond, she had loved her from the start; loved that quirky hair cut, and that newage fashion, that stupid pumpkin shirt... and so she had to get rid of her. Had to drive her out.

She slams the book shut and shoves it aside.

“Whao, that book too difficult for you?” Darcy asks.

She isn’t in the mood for jokes and jests. “It’s useless, Darcy! Just like a certain witch!”

Stormy cackles. “She got you, Darcy!”

“Shut up.”

The sound of their squabbles follows her down the hall.

.oOo.

Bloom would feel awful, absolutely guilty if Icy hadn’t made her first year at Alfea so difficult. But the fact is that she had. She had made it so hard. Maybe it is the witchy thing to do, but she can’t resist. She flashes her most charming smile as the witch passes, “morning, Icy.”

The woman halts and seems to go rigid. “What do you want?”

Bloom props herself against the outerwall of a boutique. “Just trying to be friendly.”

“Disgusting.”

Bloom laughs and the witch swallows. Bloom isn’t certain, not one hundred percent, but she is fairly confident that her long time foe isn’t as resentful as she would like Bloom to think. Her quips lack their usual power, their typical sting. Tecna swears up and down that, according to her calculations, the likelihood of Icy harboring some deeply closeted feelsings for her are rather high.

Mostly, the ice witch has been ignoring her entirely. It is a change of pace and Bloom finds it surprisingly hard to adjust to.

“Come on, aren’t you going to trash my outfit or something? Tell me that my hair looks awful?”

Icy shrugs. “I don’t have the time to waste on you.” She gestures to an armful of textbooks.

She knows that she shouldn’t. She knows that Griffin would applaud her for it. But the words leave her mouth before she can stop them, “you mean you don’t want me to be your study buddy?”

“I can think of nothing more revolting.” The witch, to the best of her ability with them full, crosses her arms across her chest.

“If you say so. I was going to maybe call Sky.” Bloom returns the shrug. “He’s been asking if I’d be interested in rekindling a spark.”

“Is that supposed to mean something to me?” Her voice is level. Frigid as ever. But her eyes betray her at least somewhat.

Bloom thinks of the time that the witch had nearly murdered Kiko, thinks of how she’d yanked her powers from her after tormenting her parents. Suddenly it is so easy, “of course it does.” She steps closer to the witch. Leans in, close to her ear and whispers, “I know.”

Icy gives a soft tsk. “What do you think you know?”

Bloom tilts her head and brushes Icy’s bangs behind her ear. The witch gives a slight shudder. “I know how you feel about me.”

That blush is priceless. Almost enough to make up for several years of relentless harassment. But it isn’t quite enough. “I wonder how the other witches would react to that…”

And then her face drains of all color. Somehow she is paler than usual. “As if I would fall in love with a fairy.” She spits the word like a poison before deliberately shoving her way past.

The guilt washes over her immediately. How could she have weaponized love like that? She isn’t sure how Icy can talk the way that she does with no remorse whatsoever. For what it’s worth, Bloom can’t bring herself to hate Icy, afterall she does owe her confidence and prowess to the witch. “Icy, wait!”

She doesn’t know why she had bothered. Icy isn’t one for talking on a good day. Much less on a day where her pride has been put on the line along with some sturdy blackmail.

.oOo.

Helia is slumbering in Stormy’s arms and Darcy and Riven are well into a hit of weed. She slams the door anyhow. Darcy and Riven jerk. Stormy bolts right up with a, “whao! What’s going on?”

“Go back to sleep.” She grumbles though she doesn’t exactly help her do that when she slams her textbooks down on the table.

“Who bristled your broomstick?” Darcy quirks a brow.

“That loser, Bloom.”

“Really, you’re still feuding with her?”

“What of it, Darcy? We have many scores to settle.” And she is falling very behind where victories are concerned.

“Have you tried working things out with her?” Helia asks.

“Why would I want to do that?” But more than anything she does. She doesn’t want to want that, but she does. So so badly. She kicks her boots off and flops down upon her mattress. “That is the last thing I’d like to do.”

“If you say so.” Darcy rolls her eyes. “But would it kill you to keep your lover’s quarrels to yourself?”

Stormy sniggers. It takes everything in Icy’s soul to not jerk upright. Though her entire body goes rigid she grumbles, “would it kill you to hit your blunts outside?”

.oOo.

She doesn’t see Icy for quite some time. Maybe a month and a few days since their last run in. Possibly it is better that way. But she their last encounter constantly replays in her head and each time she finds herself biting her lip, her stomach fluttering with unease. She likes to think that the witch will be okay considering that her secret has been quite safe. She’d even avoided talking about it with Stella. If Stella found out, everyone else would.

So it has been Tecna and Flora who have been hearing the most of her complaints and concerns. And it was Flora who suggested trying to speak with Icy again. She finds the witch sitting in an ice cream parlor. She should have known that Icy would lurk there.

Bloom takes a deep breath and sits herself across from Icy.

The witch gives a very pointed and sharp inhale. She doesn’t look up. “What do you want, pixie?”

“To apologize.” She starts. “I wouldn’t have told anyone, I know how brutal witches can be.”

Suddenly Icy is fully invested in her ice cream. Granted, she was pretty enthralled with the treat to begin with. Bloom bites back a chuckle.

“I guess I was just mad about...everything.”

“Get to the point.”

“I sort of started with my point. Sorry for…” she trails off. She has a pretty good feeling that Icy wouldn’t take well to her so bluntly calling her on her feelings. “For implying that you would be in love with me. That’s crazy, right.”

“Don’t bullshit me, Bloom. You knew exactly what you were doing. You know that I know...blah blah, you get the gist.”

This time Bloom does laugh. The witch’s sense of humor is rather agreeable when it isn’t at someone else’s expense.

“Alright. I’m sorry that I made fun of your crush.”

“Fuck off.”

Bloom shakes her head. “Do you really want that?”

“Yes.” She takes a particularly big spoonful of ice cream. “I really do.”

Bloom sighs. “But do you want that because you actually want me to leave or because you don’t want to be seen with me.”

“Oh, we can be seen together. Anytime you’d like to blast some spells at one another you can give me a call.” She slides a slip of paper across the table.

She hadn’t realized that the witch was so smooth. She supposes that Icy hadn’t amassed herself such a following way back when by stumbling over her words. “You just gave me your number.”

“Yes, so you can always be one phone call away from getting your ass kicked.” She looks so smug. “I’ve got plenty of new spells to test run.”

Bloom laughs again. But her smile fades. “You’re allowed to be in love, Icy. Darcy and Stormy are. Lucy is.”

“That’s different.”

“How?”

She has no more ice cream left to distract herself with. “I-I can’t be with a fairy.” She looks away. It doesn’t really offer her anything but an illusion of dignity.

“Why not?” Bloom doesn’t think that she has ever seen the witch so flustered, almost timid. She doesn’t think that she will ever see it again.

“You said it yourself, witches are brutal.”

Bloom brushes strands of silver-blue hair out of her face and cups the witch’s cheek. It is cool to the touch. “Are you implying that you can’t destroy them all?” Bloom quirks a brow.

She clears her throat, “I can take on the entire student body and win.”

Now that sounds more like the witch she knows.

.oOo.

“Then do it.”

Icy frowns. “Peters…”

“What?”

“You should tread carefully.”

She smirks, “am I on thin ice?”

Again she wonders just why the hell she has to be in love with Bloom fucking Peters of all people. “Extremely.”

“I thought that you liked it when people tell you how powerful you are.”

“I do, yes.” She replies.

“So show everyone. You’re...you. You haven’t let anyone tell you what to do in the past…”

She thinks of Darkar and Valtor and begs to differ.

“So don’t let them tell you what to do--or not to do--now.” Bloom tucks the slip of paper into her pocket. “I can call you tonight and we can fight like usual or you can put on your best choker and we can have a nice dinner.”

And just like that she leaves. The clever little beast. Icy gathers her belongings and makes her way back to the dorm. It is empty this time. It is date night, she recalls. She is alone with the silence, the only sound comes from a rhythmically ticking grandfather clock.

She completes three classes worth of assignments and stretches out on her bed. Precisely when she gets nice and comfortable her phone rings. Peters. “This better be good, I was rather comfy.”

“Meet me at the Magix City green. I have both my dragon fire and a cute dress. Don’t tell me which your bringing, I like a surprise.” Before Icy can reply the line clicks. She is certain that Bloom knows exactly what decision will be made.

Against her better judgement, she fixes her choker around her neck.

[livlepretre]

I was just catching up with your blog, and I saw your klonnie post. It just got me thinking about how literally anyone in the narrative would have been more logical to pair Klaus up with than Caroline. I’ve read all your posts regarding why Klaroline does not make sense. 100% agree. I feel like Caroline is just who they went with because committing to a real Klaus love story would have taken way more time than the show had, and Caroline was the one who had the least commitments elsewhere in the narrative. I mean, there are plenty of plot heavy episodes where Caroline just disappears for no reason, and it’s obvious that the writers just didn’t have anywhere to logically put her. I honestly believed during my first watch through that Klaroline was just Klaus trying to put Tyler in his place. He never interacted with her before the episode where Tyler challenges his authority and refuses to bite Caroline, and then after that episode, he was being ooc and fake charming with her. I just thought Klaus was trying to get her to sleep with him so he could show Tyler that he was the one in charge and could take anything he had. Color me surprised when that was never the case.

Anyway, this all got me thinking about what individual arcs Caroline got, and I can’t really think of one after her becoming a vampire and getting tortured by her dad. After that, the show kind of played “pass the Caroline.” She would get passed around during episodes where she was either tagging along with Stefan, Tyler, or Klaus. Obviously it’s okay for your characters to be in scenes with each other, but the problem is you could take Caroline out of the season 4 sire-bound breaking storyline or the delena ft. sad Stefan storyline and nothing would really change. She is really on par with Jeremy and Matt in which she could just leave for a while and make a reappearance later like nothing happened; however, unlike Jeremy and Matt, she isn’t treated this way in the narrative. Caroline is made out to be more important than she is. I didn’t realize how long this ask would be, but if you could change the story structure of TVD to fix this, how would you do it? Would you have written Caroline to have more individual storylines or would you have decreased her role? Maybe it’s just me and you would keep her the same. Idk. Either way, I’m very interested in your opinion. Especially because Caroline is the more utilized and loved character throughout this fandom and fanfiction, and I don’t know why.

first of all “catching up with your blog” what kajfklajdfklajdf

sorry it’s taken me a few days to reply, I’ve been mulling this over and it’s been kind of a long week so I’ve had to gather the bandwidth to answer 

I agree with your analysis about why the show chose Caroline as Klaus’s love interest... I’ve always said that it was just so painfully obvious that they wanted to give Klaus a love interest from amongst the heroines (which: rude, he already had a love interest, it was Stefan) because he was interesting and hot. And I always assumed they picked Caroline because 1) Elena already had too many love interests even though she and Klaus had history and wicked chemistry so this still to me remains the obvious choice 2) Bonnie would have actually had moral problems with Klaus (but would still have been a great choice because then we could explore those morality issues with Klaus) and 3) they wanted to do another “bad boy” romance without actually digging into the fact that Klaus had crossed lines for us as an audience that were SUPER hard to come back from, namely: MURDERING MAIN CAST MEMBER JENNA. (I would argue that this is different for us as an audience than Vicki’s death because Vicki died at the beginning of the show; our emotional investment in Jenna was significantly higher after 2 full seasons with her.) So, Caroline becomes the path of least resistance because Klaus has no serious, personal history with her, and she’s not as prone toward actually making moral judgment calls as Bonnie is-- for example, she’s shown to be significantly more flexible about murder and mayhem than Bonnie is.

I’ve never thought about the fact that it was partially just that the writers didn’t have any great ideas for Caroline’s personal storyline though, and that really brings up 2 huge questions: 1) DID they assign her the Klaus romance because they didn’t know what else to do with her? and 2) did that romance storyline actually deprive her of other (better) storylines?

This got me thinking about Caroline’s storylines in a broader sense, and her place within the narrative structure. I think of TVD as having 3 types of main characters:

A-level characters-- Elena, Stefan, and Damon are the only A-levels, as they appear in every single episode and the plot falls apart without them

B-level characters-- Bonnie, Caroline, and then later Klaus would all fit in here-- characters that are in most episodes, and have their own independent side plots that are ongoing, sometimes for long periods of time -- we know they’re B-level and not A-level because sometimes they disappear for a few episodes-- in other words, they’re not essential every episode like the A-levels

C-level characters-- the rest of the main cast-- Tyler, Matt, Jeremy, Jenna, Katherine, Rebekah, etc-- these characters sometimes have ongoing plotlines (the werewolf plot, the Hunter plot, the serial killer plot, etc) but they’re literally dispensable to the overall plot-- the writers feel comfortable having them come and go as necessary, and we often experience them through the perceptions of the higher-leveled characters--they tend to actually be the object of higher level plots as well-- Damon kills Jeremy to move his plot along with Elena; Matt scheming against Caroline’s vampirism is actually part of Caro’s plot; Katherine is mostly a  narrative tool to use with the main 3; Jenna’s death isn’t even about her at the end of the day from a narrative perspective but about Elena, etc.

So when thinking of the basic structure in this sense, that issue you brought up where Caroline doesn’t have enough of her own storylines really comes to light. Part of that I think is that functionally, she has less to offer-- Bonnie is a great counter point, because she often has her own storylines, and she serves a super strong narrative purpose of 1) witch and 2) the moral center on the show-- like, usually the only one who doesn’t forget what’s right and what’s wrong from a basic human perspective. Klaus also has his function as villain, though he gets derailed by the show not killing him off when it was time. 

Caroline meanwhile... the show probably took her as far as they could with her being human, and turning her into a vampire in season 2 was incredibly strong and compelling storytelling. It brought Caroline into the main fold of schemers, it gave her agency, and it put all of her problems with her family and friends and self-esteem under a microscope lens. Season 2 is Caroline’s strongest season because it offers her the most development and gives her both a functional role as baby vampire-- working for Katherine, working with the gang, trying to keep the big secret from her mother-- as well as a satisfying emotional arc. The issue is that she just doesn’t have a ton of places to go as a character once the issues with her parents are resolved midway through season 3 and a lot of her self-esteem issues had actually been tackled... The only other storyline I can think of that was HERS was her mother’s death, but I never finished that arc and never got to no humanity!Caroline anyway, so I don’t have much to say on that topic. I will say that the show REALLY drove Caroline’s storyline into the dirt when they turned Elena into a vampire-- having two baby vamps on the show was WAY too many. We’d already gone through this with Care, but also, Elena is an A-level character-- anything she goes through necessarily usurps the power from any similar story the writers could have told about Caroline. 

So. The Klauroline romance. (Apparently I’ve been mispelling this ship for a decade but honestly you can’t expect me to stop now.) I think they gave Caroline to Klaus (rather than giving Klaus to Caroline) as a love interest for the reasons stated above, but it really did limit her character; I’ve gone over my problems with it ad nauseam here on this blog. The whole thing just spun Caroline around in circles forever-- I remember dreading that this ship would be canon but the show just kept spinning the Klaus/Caroline/Tyler wheels for two seasons without ever really progressing anything or changing anything, just always always always spinning in place, with Tyler disappearing to make room for the other ship but the writers also not actually committing to anything... It really does get in the way of Caroline’s character development. 

So, how to fix? 

Well, first off, I think Caroline (and Bonnie, and Klaus, and everyone else) should stay in their lanes as B or C level characters-- the show didn’t have enough stories to give every single one of them main character status, and that’s okay. 

But if Caroline is a B-level character, she still needs her own stories and subplots interwoven throughout the show. 

The obvious thing that comes to mind is something I’ve said many times--  Fix Klauroline so that it actually makes sense and doesn’t break character-- give them a subplot where they have to work together and learn to rely on each other or see each other differently than how they expect-- literally TVD is amazing with tight, action packed episodes-- it would have taken ONE episode to establish this, and then have the relationship progress as a subplot-- not as Caroline’s main plot-- give her other things to work on with the team and let the Klaus thing develop alongside it. 

Other things: the issues with her parents probably could have been extended to be season 3, honestly, with her facing her vampirism more in season 2-- or she could have gone off the deep end earlier, or she could have wound up in trouble with the council, or she could have taken a more active role in trying to kill Klaus other than just “bait” which would have been great because then she would have had to face her feelings about it directly, or she could have been the one to investigate the vampire lab at Whitmore and maybe end up briefly imprisoned or whatever-- I personally think Elena should have only been a vampire for one season, which would have made Elena actually face her moral crisis, but also opened up the space in the show for Caroline to get the young vampire storylines the way that Bonnie gets the witch storylines. 

The show gets into this weird habit at some point of forgetting that it’s really about the main three and not supposed to be a HUGE equal ensemble show-- if you look back at the promotional materials, it was originally always the three of the main triangle, but by seasons 5 & 6 there’re these photos with like all dozen cast members... equalizing things didn’t actually help Caroline’s or Bonnie’s or anyone else’s storylines because it stripped down the time we spent with the main story and it meant adding a lot of frustrating swimming in circles for the others (how many times was Bonnie dead? I can’t keep track anymore) 

Sorry this is so rambly, I hope it made sense! I have a lot of feelings about Caroline-- I really loved her and the handling of her storylines from season 3 on has never sat well with me.

(As for why Caroline is the fan favorite, I do have a theory: she actually tells us what she’s thinking and feeling, so it’s easier to connect with her. Elena meanwhile rarely ever explicitly states her emotions, instead tending to brood and force us to work through what her silences mean, and Bonnie tends to bottle until she explodes--which is still easier to empathize with than Elena, because at least Bonnie eventually tells us. Meanwhile, Caroline gets upset, or she gets drunk, or she has long conversations where she spills her heart out to Stefan or Elena or Bonnie or anyone... so it’s easy to jump on board with her. That’s my theory at least.) 

[bigskydreaming]

A good description. For my part, I don't like talking about it because of my own experiences. I can, however, see Batman, a story where nearly every memorable villain and even the protagonist himself is a Svengali, could attract a disproportionate number of rape apologists, though fandom is full of them. (Oh, hey, that's the other thing with Jason. Talia.)

Ugh I’m so sorry to hear you can relate, and I totally understand not wanting to talk about it. I have no idea what your particular situation is, obviously, but I also want to reiterate since its been awhile since I’ve mentioned this part.....I don’t feel any like....basically, my choice to talk about this stuff is simply put, MY choice, made for my own reasons, that aren’t a reflection on any other survivor. There are a million and one reasons NOT to come forward, or to struggle with it or not to be open about what happened to us, and none of them are a reflection on any of us, but rather the position it puts us in.

Again, I don’t know your situation or what gender you might be or anything else, and this isn’t at all because your ask made me feel defensive or anything like that. This is just something I’ve wanted to put into words for awhile now seems relevant today, and here’s as good a place as any to put it down:

For myself, being a male survivor....like, there’s never really been any getting around the existence of that kinda, idk, caveat that not many male survivors come forward. Sure, we all see the posts and tweets reminding “remember, men can be raped too!” But that’s not the same thing as men sharing their stories and experiences the way far more women have come forward. And that’s why I ultimately began talking about my own experiences in order to express how I felt about my own positioning in society and how as a survivor I interact and am interacted with by others. Because frankly, there wasn’t anywhere else I could really look to in order to see others talking or sharing about similar things and see myself reflected in what they were saying or the experiences they were describing. So, if I couldn’t find what I felt I needed or could have benefited from, I figured at least I could put it out there in case anyone else who could relate could benefit from mine.

Except, ultimately I’ve come to feel that I honestly don’t believe its that men just flat out don’t come forward with their stories or experiences, its that even when we do, we’re rarely signal boosted - as you can kinda see from the fact that I can post the most inane shit and get it to a thousand notes, but in the five plus years I’ve been making posts about this subject, I’m lucky if I can get a single post on the topic to double digits as far as notes go.

People just flat out are a combination of uncomfortable with the novelty of actual discussions about and around male survivors as well as being not really sure how to talk about it because we’ve never really developed the tools for it.

And to be 100% clear, this has NOTHING to do with female survivors, as a point of comparison or ANYTHING else. It drives me up a fucking WALL when people try and compare and contrast even just how much men being raped is talked about vs women being raped, no matter WHAT their reasons are, because I promise people, I PROMISE - NO survivor, of any gender, has EVER benefitted from being pitted against other survivors to ANY degree. Its not a zero sum game and it doesn’t help male survivors to pull shit like “well at least female survivors are acknowledged” because a) eww, and b) nobody asked anyone to say that on our behalf, and c) hyper-visibility isn’t a privilege (or whatever the best parallel to that might be, I’m not trying to appropriate an anti-blackness specific term so much as its the closest comparison I have at the moment for something that isn’t even a matter of marginalized identities but rather marginalized experiences) and d) its COMPLETELY beside the point and actually misses the point by a WIDE margin.

Because what I’ve come to realize over the years, from my own experiences and talking and sharing with survivors of all genders and demographics and walks of life, is that first off....nobody really needs the reminder that hey, men can be raped too. We see it happen all throughout entertainment and other aspects of society, its not an experience that’s hidden away from the light, its just not ever really CALLED what it is, or followed up on, and talked about.

Like Dick Grayson isn’t a statistical outlier in media. Take Horrible Bosses, a summer blockbuster comedy a few years back with a cast of fairly big name comedians, and whose running B plot throughout the whole movie was Jennifer Aniston’s character wanting to rape her employee, Charlie Day’s character. Not only was this not objectionable to audiences in any sizable way, not only did this never really get called out as wtf by critics and reviews, the movie was successful enough to warrant a sequel with even BIGGER names in its cast, like Christopher Pine, and the continuation of the Aniston’s character trying to rape Charlie Day’s subplot. With zero awareness. And its not like that’s the only movie. There’s plenty more I could name.

Or then you’ve got television, where like, take Riverdale, a well-promoted, well known CW show....whose first few episodes featured the lead character Archie in a sexual relationship with his much older female teacher. Except not really a relationship, because that’s textbook, no debate, literal statutory rape.....that ended with Archie’s character being condemned for it as though he were on equal footing with the teacher, who ultimately left town, and it never really acknowledged that he was literally a victim of statutory rape, that any teacher who does that is not an equal partner but a predator. I stopped watching the show for a lot of reasons by like the fourth episode, but I see enough gifs on tumblr to know that several seasons later, this left little enough impact that some kind of Archie-goes-to-jail plotline has resulted in more memes and jokes about prison rape than I can count, and zero awareness that people are compounding jokes about a character who is literally already an unacknowledged survivor.

That’s one. Or you can take Once Upon A Time, a popular ABC show of multiple seasons, and the running subplot where Robin Hood’s character is raped by the Wicked Witch literally the same way Dick was by Mirage in the comics. She shapeshifts into Maid Marian, who ends up dead, and has ‘sex’ with Robin Hood (no, she rapes him) and ends up pregnant. Not only is this never really called what it is, later on, other characters LITERALLY CHEW HIM OUT for objecting to this baby being left in the care of her mother, aka his rapist, and for ‘not being willing to give her the benefit of the doubt/let her change’ as though him not wanting to co-parent with his rapist is no different from any of the show’s other dubious redemption storylines....except for the fact that this particular part of her redemption arc isn’t ever really one she actually needs redeeming for, because nobody ever fucking points out that she literally raped him and he was her victim. Fast forward to the end of the series, Robin Hood’s been dead for seasons, the Wicked Witch is happily redeemed and has a loving wholesome relationship with her daughter, named after Robin Hood like they were some kind of loving, happy family instead of a rapist, her victim, and the child that was born of it.

Or you can take Grimm, a fairly successful NBC show of multiple seasons WHICH LITERALLY DID THE EXACT SAME THING. The main character Nick was raped in season two by the antagonist of the time, who shape shifted into his wife and had ‘sex’ with him, with him not realizing the truth until later on, by which point she’s pregnant with his child. Fast forward to the end of the show, not only was this never really called what it was, his wife’s character was killed off seasons earlier and he is now, get this, ‘happily’ in a romantic and sexual longterm relationship with his rapist (who he by now knows exactly what she did do and what happened between them and just.....got over it without ever actually like, reacting to it)....and oh yeah, not only are they raising the child born of it together, they’ve had a second child since then.

Anyone ever hear much outcry about the male rapes in these shows? And again, like Horrible Bosses, tip of the iceberg. There’s a LOT more shows I could name, just like there are movies.

Or take comics. Its not even just Dick Grayson that’s a survivor. Or Bruce. Or Jason as you pointed out, which......I know a lot of people ignore both Morrison AND Winick’s take on Talia in order to not write her as the rapist she is in their stories, which I can totally understand as she was a well-established character of color for long before either of them got their hands on her and its perfectly valid for people not to want to have to write her as being tarnished as a rapist because two different writers wrote her that way....without.....either of them ever really acknowledging that was literally how they were writing her. I myself write her as a character of complicated and often dubious morality, but never a rapist, for that reason and many others, but its definitely there. And even in a fandom that has never lacked for acknowledgment of Dick being a survivor whose rapists were women.....a LOT of people still romanticize Jason’s ‘relationship’ with Talia as being something other than a grown woman taking advantage of a minor in an extremely vulnerable and compromised state.....with a TON of other takes out there about the two of them, in posts and fics alike, where its somehow danced around or outright called something other than “that time Talia raped Jason in the comics.”

But its not just the Batbooks. Its like how I’ve mentioned in the past, Garth Ennis wrote into one of his storylines that Kyle Rayner was raped when he went to Gotham one time.....not to make it a plot point, but to use it as a JOKE. Or take Marvel comics, Bobby Drake, one of my other all-time favorite characters....who is also a rape survivor of multiple occasions, without it ever acknowledged as such. Like, he was briefly in a relationship with Mystique, who turned out to have entered the relationship under false pretenses, shocking, and who used having sex with him to depower him and take him out of the upcoming fight between the X-Men and the Marauders, which...we don’t have time to unpack all that right now. But fast forward about a year later, and Bobby has since gotten back together with his ex-girlfriend Opal Tanaka.....who, it turns out, is actually just Mystique in disguise, having sex with him again without it ever being called rape since he was consenting to sex with Opal, not the woman who slept with him that one time just to make sure he was helpless to stop a whole lot of people from getting killed. But hey, forget about Mystique! How about that time Chuck Austen wrote him ‘having sex’ with an empath who was EXPLICITLY noted in the narrative as using her powers to manipulate his emotions to even WANT to have sex with her in the first place, and when an issue later it comes out she’s married and her husband starts beating up Bobby for ‘sleeping with his wife’ all the other characters present, all of them friends and teammates of his, condemn Bobby for this without it ever being acknowledged that he was literally manipulated into it by a superpower and he was the victim.

Again. Tip. Of. The. Iceberg.

But you see what I mean? Male rape isn’t an outlier and it isn’t an unknown....its everywhere! Its just.....never called that, really, and never really talked about, even by people who normally would, except for the fact that I don’t think we as a society have ever really forced ourselves to FIND a way to talk about it, because of the fact that like.....the very notion of it threatens and undermines the essence of the patriarchal beliefs that are hammered into us all from day one. Even when we know the patriarchy is crap, we still have so much ingrained in us from early childhood that stuff like this, which is a blatant symptom of it even if not one aimed primarily at disadvantaging women.....like, it slips under the radar because its never fully called out or spotlighted in loud enough or widely enough ways to keep us from overlooking how much its impacted our POVs.

Blatantly put, the patriarchy and sexism RELIES on the idea that men are somehow more powerful/stronger/whatthefuckever than women. And male victims - of abuse as well as rape, though definitely rape.....like, even just a widespread awareness of our existence is enough to kinda destabilize that belief that is so foundational to the patriarchy its DEPENDENT on it being upheld as unassailable truth.

Because if forced to acknowledge that men are just as vulnerable to even something like rape as anyone else in the ‘right’ situations or dynamics, it forces confrontation with the reality that no matter what the patriarchy has claimed for as long as its existed.....men aren’t inherently any more powerful, or stronger, or resistant to harm/humiliation/VICTIMIZATION as anyone else.

And the patriarchy flat out can’t afford that confrontation, so it can’t afford to acknowledge male survivors.

Again, just want to be beyond clear - nowhere here am I okay with making this about a compare and contrast between the experiences and interactions society has with male survivors and around male rape, and the same with female survivors and rape. Because I mean, we all should be more than aware that society as a whole sucks at the acknowledgment, addressing and handling of rape in any context, in any of the ways it comes up as a topic, in terms of any survivor who comes forward no matter who or when or how.....like. We suck at this topic, and at any and all discussions about this topic. Period. Flat out. So when I say the patriarchy can’t afford to acknowledge male survivors, I am in no way aiming to diminish the reality that it does just as fucking an abyssmal job at acknowledging and responding to female survivors....the point here is not the poor reception any and all survivors receive to disclosing their experiences in our society, but rather the specific why of this when it comes to male survivors just as the particular subject of focus here.

And again, like, my only credentials here are just like. My life experiences, lol. I’m not trying to claim anything more or other than that, make no mistake. I’m a literal college drop out, this is not the result of comprehensive studies or vetted by the scientific method. This is literally just “like, my opinion, man” and makes no pretenses at being other than that. Its just the conclusions I’ve formed over the years and why, completely anecdotal and not aiming to be any kind of authoritative or expert viewpoint with my personal take here. Largely because I haven’t really found anywhere that I feel the conversation has proceeded enough in earnest that its even at a point that would ALLOW for that yet. So this is all more just.....my feel of things, and why, as just kinda idk, hopefully a starting point for further ACTUAL exploration of all this. My attempts at starting the kind of conversation I feel we need to be having in order to be at all productive instead of just constantly spinning around in circles, which is what it so often feels like.

So when I say I think the patriarchy can’t honestly AFFORD to acknowledge male survivors specifically, I’m not positing some grand conspiracy or active cover-up.

Because nothing like that is even necessary.

Its built into the framework of the system itself. Its not that I believe anyone goes out of their way to “hide” male survivors from anyone, I’m saying there’s no need. Because its been so ingrained into us from such a young age and in so many ways, most of us never even think to question whether anything is even being hidden, or if its just as simple as, well men don’t really come forward, because their pride and self-esteem is so impacted by what happened to them, due to the expectations heaped on men by the patriarchy.

Its kinda stunning, actually. Even while ACKNOWLEDGING that the patriarchy does impact male survivors in ways as well, we’re kinda....led away from the ACTUAL ways and ACTUAL reasons why....because despite literally calling the patriarchy out as the bad guy in this way, it still manages to weasel itself out of this confrontation by virtue of the fact that you can’t ever really effectively address a problem when you’re being misdirected to a tangent that’s not really the REAL problem that needs addressing.

So personally, I’m of the belief that its not that men just don’t ever really come forward. Its that even when some do, like myself, we can scream our heads off for years and it just echoes into the void, because its not being heard in the ways we need to be heard in order to effectively....signalboost our stories and experiences and needs. Much like I just mentioned above, its misdirection......everybody’s too focused on addressing an issue that doesn’t actually NEED solving (ie, reminding everyone/promoting awareness that men too, CAN be raped), and thus at least feeling productive, feeling like they’re contributing to tackling the problem.....that meanwhile, the ACTUAL problem (men CAN be raped too, and are, and here are men talking about it only for the signal to get lost and fizzle out rather than get boosted)....it flies right under the radar.

Because in line with what I said earlier about how it does no good to compare our experiences, both in terms of assault and our lives in the aftermath, with women survivors - its because its apples and oranges.

Rape isn’t a gendered issue, because it can happen to anyone of any gender, at any time....its situational. Dependent on context. Rape culture, however, IS a gendered issue.

Because rape culture, how our society INTERACTS with the very idea of abuse and rape and its victims and perpetrators....spills out entirely from that core foundation of the patriarchy and sexism, and thus much like those things themselves, how it affects women survivors is always going to be totally different from how it affects men who are survivors. Our experiences are not interchangeable - that has nothing to do with being better or worse, more publicized or less, etc, etc. They just....manifest different ways. The cause of our trauma-related problems might be the same thing, but the problems it creates for us are not, and none of us can ever really benefit from it being treated as a one size fits all kinda deal, nor is it to our benefit to treat it like there’s only so much conversation about the topic available to go around.

What I mean here is, like I said, the patriarchy at the foundation of our society can’t afford for it to be widely acknowledged that men can be victimized too.

But it can’t actually stop this from happening, given that its basis for saying it never happens is an inherent uneven-ness that only exists because it made it exist, not because like....we’re innately born uneven.

So....it had to come up with a narrative, a response, for when men DID step forward and say hey, I too was abused. I was raped. Etc.

And it did.

As a result, a lot of women don’t come forward because they fear not being believed, with reason. And this is true for a lot of men as well, just as the following is true for a lot of women too....

Which is that IMO the bigger reason/more immediate reason a lot of men don’t come forward, is that our concern isn’t so much that we won’t be believed....

Its that we will be believed, but rather than this getting us the help we need or the justice we ask for, it only ever really creates more problems for us, due to the patriarchy’s go-to fix-it job for this situation:

Paint the male victim as being not so much a victim as a victimizer-in-training.

See, the lie that men are innately more powerful, stronger, more ‘deserving’ of being in charge can’t afford the admittance than men are also vulnerable, can be victimized, taken advantage of.....

But it CAN afford the idea that men can be abused/raped/etc with this going on to eventually result in us becoming abusers/rapists/victimizers ourselves in the future, as long as THIS is kept the clear focus and emphasis of the narrative.

Because after all, there’s nothing in the idea that we all inevitably take out our pain (whatever it may come from) on others that contradicts the idea that we’re stronger, more powerful, etc.

And its not like the patriarchy and its supporters give a shit if this throws even other men under the bus, because the only thing institutions and systems of power actually care about is POWER.

They’re not our friend, even if in a different life, we could have ended up wielding more of that power than we do in this one. Even if we do in other aspects of our lives gain social and other forms of power more easily/with less obstacles than other people.

They only care what we can do for them, to spread that power, perpetuate it, preserve it....so just like white supremacy will happily screw over poor white people and America doesn’t give a shit about its prison population and the LGBTQ+ community so often ignores the issues of its members of color and so on.....the patriarchy is more than willing to make male survivors from any and all groups and communities take the hit it has no intention of taking by letting it be confirmed its built on sand and bullshit.

So just as much as we’re ingrained from early childhood with the idea that men can’t be victimized the way others can, the linked lesson we’re taught is that men who have been hurt badly or in certain ways will almost certainly end up hurting others.....

With the implicit acknowledgment that there was just an admittance that we can be hurt badly/in certain ways ending up just swiftly glossed over. As the focus is instead kept on the harm done to our hypothetical future victims.

Because the easiest way to keep someone from being sympathetic, is to give people someone else to sympathize with MORE. To give people reason to feel a person doesn’t even deserve your sympathy in the first place.

And so now think about not how often we see men victimized by abuse and rape in media, or how often we see men portrayed as survivors and yes, victims of these things.....

Think instead of how often in media we see men who victimize others, who are the antagonists, the villains, the serial killer/rapist/abuser of the week.......and with it offhandedly being dropped into a scene and then never really focused on again, that these men were almost always said to have been abused or raped or victimized in the past....and this is the REASON for why they all ended up doing what they did.

Suddenly, the numbers go up, don’t they? The second you think about it from THAT angle?

Its just....the reason that angle literally exists to the extent it does in society and the messages we’re fed, the entertainment we’re given.....is because that’s the POINT.

Because its natural for us not to think of any of those men as victims when by the time we find that part out, we’ve already internalized our view of them as victimizers, and solidly put our sympathies with their victims in the present. Because what was done to them in the past doesn’t excuse what they do to others in the present. Being hurt doesn’t give you carte blanche to hurt others. We all know this. Hence....WHY IT WORKS.

Except, this isn’t actually a reflection of reality. The myth of the perpetual cycle of abuse is just that, a myth. Oh, it happens, certainly. With men, with women, quite probably more often with men than women, not much doubt about that....

But its not that it happens, we’re told. That’s not the issue here.

Its that we’re pretty much told it ALWAYS happens. Its always GOING to happen. That there’s no real point in sympathizing with a male victim who is most likely going to end up victimizing someone else in the future and thus he’s not really gonna deserve your sympathy at that point, will he? Which makes him not really worth wasting it on him in the first place. Makes it easy to come up with something to focus on more instead of his story or experiences, something just as deserving of your focus or sympathy, but that you’re less likely to end up regretting in the future like you would if a male survivor you sympathized with now ends up in the news five years down the line for having hurt someone else.

Because over centuries and generations the idea of male survivors at all has been cultivated into having this almost mythic quality, there’s just enough subtle feeling of wrongness around the very idea of it, like, that it just doesn’t quite make sense...that it ends up being almost a relief to give our minds a reason, an explanation for why they don’t have to come up with a way to adjust the paradigm there, to make room for that idea, realign a worldview into one where there’s a specific spot for male survivors much like any other subject that needs focusing on or evaluating for whatever reason.

And this point, this conclusion that no matter how tragic what happened to make a male survivor was, it will only ever ultimately end up in the same spot, with him later on passing along the harm, a warped kind of paying it forward....this is hammered home over and over. We see it everywhere, without even often realizing what it is we’re seeing and internalizing, like with the examples I cited of all the times men are raped in entertainment without it being called that. Its the flip side of that....the times that men are raped in entertainment with it being called that, but swiftly moved past that to introduce the reason not to care that that’s what it was we just saw.

And thus throughout several seasons of Law & Order: SVU we’ve had male survivors, usually teens, who at first seemed eminently sympathetic for what had been done to them.....but who by the end of the episodes, ended up becoming school shooters exacting revenge on their bullies. Or ended up killing the coach who raped them in high school and then went on to rape a dozen others. Or in the last scene of the episode is found kneeling over their abusive father’s corpse with blood on their hands and the detectives standing over them in sadness that now they had to take the boy they thought was the victim away to jail as the victimizer he didn’t have to end up becoming.

Except.....he only becomes that because they make the choice to write him becoming it! Every single time!

Like in 13 Reasons Why, where another male survivor ends up....another school shooter. Or in Criminal Minds, where pretty much every single killer throughout the series ended up with a backstory of abuse and rape and victimization as a child, making it ‘all the more tragic’ and with the protagonists often literally using the phrase “almost like the guy never had a chance.”

Well no, they didn’t. Not when it was written to BE that way.

And then we see the idea root and take hold in audiences. And spread and perpetuated. Validated.

Its why I hate the woobification thing in fandoms, where fans of (white) villain characters fill in their backstory for themselves with all the REASONS they are the way they are, and with the reasons never being that they’re just a sadistic entitled asshole, but because they were hurt. They were abused as a child, they were raped offscreen, the heroes said mean things about them in the burn book once and that’s why they just had to kill the hero’s whole family, see.

And everything comes full circle.....not only is it that all male victims are destined to end up victimizers....its equally true that all male victimizers must have once been male victims. Even if we didn’t see it onscreen or on the page.

Except, and why I loathe that fandom tendency.....

THAT NARRATIVE IS NOT AN INEVITABILITY AND NEVER WAS! The end point and point of origin presented there are NOT innately set in stone!

And all that does is just validate and accept as truth the LIE that patriarchal society puts forth in order to play smoke and mirrors with this one specific facet of human experiences that innately possesses the potential to destabilize the lie at the very rock bottom foundation of everything the patriarchy’s ever built at everyone else’s expense. The reason it offers up for why its not only allowable, its for the best that we look elsewhere from any male victims that actually step forward and say hey, can you all listen to me for a second, I want to tell you what happened to me.

And the fun irony of THIS aspect of things is if you think this woobification fandom thing benefits male survivors as a whole in some way or another, like the tendency of fans to find even villainous victimizers sympathetic means that they can and do sympathize just as much with actual male victims.....I’m fairly certain it doesn’t.

See, because with villains in fandom......this retroactive sympathy for imagined past traumas happens to only the characters that fandom has already decided they liked DESPITE the awful things they’ve done. Its made up to be used as an excuse instead of an explanation....

And like we all know damn well, even if we don’t always admit it or like to acknowledge it....

Explanations are not actually excuses. The harm you do can not be wiped away by the harm done to you.

So, because that’s still inside of us, our awareness of that, even if its ignored on the surface while defending hot white villains or whatever.....it doesn’t actually give anyone reason to ignore the narrative our society constructs around actual male survivors who it encourages people to condemn or ignore on the basis of purely hypothetical FUTURE abuses or wrongdoings.

And after all, you can’t actually decide you can look past the harms a person enacts and still view them as sympathetic if....you don’t actually know yet what those harms are going to end up being and thus whether you can make your peace with them, can you?

You just know that harms WILL be done, so....might as well err on the side of caution and assume they won’t be forgivable when deciding here and now to be thrifty with sympathies and spread any actionable effort taken on behalf of survivors in areas where those sympathies are more likely to be put to better use.

And yeah, all of this plays into why I focus so much on certain aspects of Dick’s narratives, and they usually AREN’T the rapes themselves.

Because for me, for many other male survivors I know......

Acknowledging those happened, examining how he felt when those happened....its not the biggest issue. Just like in our own lives, having it acknowledged or known what was done to us, having to face how it made us feel....that’s not really our primary concern.

Its what happens AFTER that.

How people view us and treat us AFTER their initial sympathies, whatever they are, dry up - which, we’re given reason to believe, they always inevitably will.

Because it isn’t all that different from what I frequently complain of happening with Dick in fandom, and hell, its WHY it bothers me so much, because its literally been a recurrent theme throughout my life:

The most widely acknowledged male survivor in comics, just also happens to coincidentally be....

The character most often spun as having a wicked temper, being almost irrationally angry at times, with his temper being likened to things like an eruption, an earthquake, a NATURAL DISASTER....something to be avoided at all costs, something the other characters fear, with good reason, but also impossible to avoid, because its too intrinsic to his nature. Its an inevitability. Dick Grayson WILL erupt or explode again at some point, and its going to be ugly. Like he’s a time bomb.

Even though....as I frequently go in depth on.....Dick’s never actually been shown as having particularly poor self-control either on just its own merits or specifically in comparison to others. He doesn’t really actually HAVE a track record of taking out his own hurts on others. On giving people REASON to be afraid of his temper even while they continue to take no responsibility for giving him reasons to be angry at all.

Its why I so often emphasize the discrepancy between the fact that whatever someone’s own personal character preferences, the FACT remains that Dick Grayson is the character in this family that most often bears the BRUNT of everyone ELSE’S anger.......just as the fact equally remains that Dick Grayson is still ultimately the character most often singled out in posts and headcanons and fanfics as unleashing his temper on others in unjustifable ways and usually without actual provocation.

None of this is a coincidence to me.

Its how we see over and over again that its okay for Dick Grayson to be angry FOR others, ON others’ behalf....its just when he’s angry FOR HIMSELF, for being taken advantage of, ignored, walked all over or mistreated....that’s when his anger is unjustified. Irrational.

Dangerous.

Or you guys know that one fanon about how Dick forces his hugs on his siblings, and his displays of physical affection are often unwanted, and thus violations?

Yeah, that one hits me right in the Issues too, because again, that’s not remotely supported by anything in canon....there has NEVER been an instance of Dick’s family asking him to cut it our or feeling like......IMPOSED upon because he likes to hug his family.

Its not to say people can’t feel that way about even well-meaning displays of physical affection that aren’t cleared with them first....

Its that this is something that people had to DECIDE to make a thing with Dick and his family. To actually craft the narrative that the many-times victim of unwanted touching was effectively violating his family’s wishes and boundaries every time he hugs them without being asked or invited to.

With that number being however many times a writer wants to write him doing when highlighting it as a violation.

And is this a thing we really see with any other character? Is my question there. How often do you see literally any other character being chewed out or resented for....hugging?

Just the one character most known for giving physical affection freely with his FAMILY and close friends.....

Who just so happens to also be the one character most often the guy who has his bodily autonomy violated.

The canon rape survivor has literally had HUGS weaponzed against him.

With the end result being.....every time he does it, every time this pings on a reader’s radar as Bad and Unwelcome....the linked takeaway is its one more reason for that reader to then ask themselves....well if he doesn’t care whether other people want him touching them, why should I care when he doesn’t want people touching him either?

Which ultimately just winds up another form of: why should I feel bad if bad things happened to someone who isn’t really that great of a person?

See what I mean?

Its all connected. Its not me getting frustrated with a bunch of different random things, its all the same thing at the end of the day, all so often traceable back to the same places.

I couldn’t untangle myself from so much of this and how it impacts me and my view of things even if I wanted to, to such an extent that in the end, want really has very little to do with it.

(And uh, you think those bug the shit out of me, let me tell you about just the very SIGHT of all those fics where Dick the widely acknowledged, perhaps best known male rape victim in comics.....is a rapist himself. Because yeah....even if people like to keep their incest light and fluffy or sweet instead of predatory, to someone who is y’know, personally familiar with all of this, Dick and ANY of his younger brothers is never going to appear as anything BUT predatory. As yet one more time where the linear journey of a male survivor all the way to the final evolution into male predator is born out and treated as so matter-of-fact, so inevitable, it hardly warrants noting as anything especially obscene or gross to write about a character famous for his survivor status. And its not like Dick is actually the only character in the franchise I like, so its not like its any better when its Jason painted as the aggressor in a fic, for instance....and while I will always be hugely critical of how Bruce is written as abusive in canon, that’s a wildly different thing from sexually preying on his sons so again, seeing him as his own sons’ rapists is yet again more upsetting than most people would think without connecting Bruce’s own status as a canon rape survivor, whether we like that story or not.....and plugging it into again, this pre-programmed route traveling from survivor to predator, over and over again. Victim to victimizer. Like clockwork.)

Anyway, my point is not to harp on this but rather to just lay it out there in this way. And how it plays into so much of my own personal approach to dealing with all of this when it comes up.......because the simple fact is I have to, there is no opt-out lol, and it comes up a lot, in large part because its so easy t reframe as being something else that most people who don’t have direct experience being directly impacted by all of this in its various myriad expressions are understandably not going to see it pinging on their radar and getting logged into their awareness the way it always does in mine.

*Shrugs* It is what it is. Its there. Avoiding it has never done me any favors, so.......as I so often demonstrate in a variety of degrees of Hmm Probably Coulda Done That Better, lol, I try and deal with things head-on and adjust as needed.

Easier said than done, not always pulled off, never any guarantee that I’m going about things the right way, just that like.....

There’s problems that need addressing that stem from all of this, and I know where mine lie and put a lot, a LOT of effort into addressing them and keeping an eye on them and not letting them get the better of me.

But the flipside of paying that close attention and that much means I’m also keenly aware of when and where I couldn’t take responsibility even if I wanted to, because the responsibility literally just isn’t mine to take....because yeah, I live in a society but guess what, so does everyone else, and its the same damn society, so  at the end of the day, no matter HOW well or not I go about handling the matter of my rapes and their overall impact and shaping of my life.....that’s just me handling the rape part of things.

The rape culture? And how THAT affects and informs every survivor’s life in whatever way it does going forward?

That’s kinda.....only ever going to be improved upon or not, on like....a cultural scale. That’s a society thing. Not a survivor thing.

Because we are all shaped by our cultures, every aspect of our cultures, and this one is unfortunately no different. But, its shaped by us too.

But to actually shape it INTO something, or more accurately, to shape it into LESS of what it is, blunt some of its edges, lessen some of its ability to do harm to survivors, to compound the harm already done.....

Something like THAT requires intent. Conscious effort.

And intent requires like....first being able to SEE what problems need addressing.

And that’s kiiiiinda the whole point of survivors coming forward when so rarely, so MINUTELY does it EVER result in actionable justice for that individual survivor.

And I don’t for a second believe a single one ever believes or assumes otherwise.

Cuz its super not fun. It never like......I don’t fucking know how it looks to other people, tbh, because I’ve literally been a survivor since before I even really knew that I was being abused or molested, that there was something I was surviving....but trust me, I’ve thought about it, I’ve wondered, and I don’t know if like, people think a survivor ‘telling their story’ is somehow an equivalent of like, getting a book deal or something, there’s the attention it brings after all, and isn’t there that saying that no publicity is bad publicity.....

LOL. Yeah. Umm. Just saying, if you don’t have personal experience as a survivor having come forward or shared openly about your experiences, let me refer you to another saying as counterpoint: Don’t believe everything you hear.

Cuz that’s definitely not one anyone else ever forgets when ‘listening’ to any of us.

Anyway, wrapping this up by bringing it back to like.....my extremely evident mood and irration of this past week.....this is ALL connected, this is ALL part and parcel of every single time this comes up as an issue for me and its never less of one at one time than it is at another, its never a little easier this time because this reason or that....its always the same damn frustration every single time. Stuff like this doesn’t get doled out in manageable portions, its all or nothing. Its either a problem right this current second or its not, and if its not, that’s only until the next time its a problem again, likely sooner rather than later.

And that’s the part that makes me talk about this as much as I do, and get as frustrated as I do when people just do not seem to get.....

I don’t have an off switch on this matter because there IS no off switch for me. The times I get frustrated and vent about this stuff are actually only at MOST a TENTH of how often it rears its head for me to deal with.....the times my reactions or responses boil over into public view, into something you guys see, or ‘have to deal with’ are literally just the times where there is no keeping a lid on it because the pot was already full to start with.

And so it really. Epically. Beyoooooond doesn’t help matters, when despite being the only male survivor I’m aware of being consistently vocal on the matter in the only fandom I know of where a prominant male character is almost universally acknowledged as a survivor....

I usually only ever hear the response:

“Mmmmmm, I’m not really sure what makes you think there’s a problem here and that it has anything to do with us, when see, I don’t agree, and I don’t really see why you think your opinion on the matter of how this particular character is written about and viewed and depicted interacting with others and how fandom interacts with him, is like.....of any kind of real relevance? This is just like....your opinion, man.”

Me: ........have I ever claimed for a second it wasn’t? Didn’t I use those exact words at least once in all of this already?

fahsklhfaklhflakfhalffha

Cuz for the record, ultimately, that’s what this all boils down to. I’ve wanted to post about this stuff for awhile now, but make no mistake:

It literally is all just my opinion? Formed of my own personal experiences and the conclusions I’ve taken away from them. Laid out as fully and extensively as I can manage, specifically SO people can take all of that into context when deciding for themselves how much weight or not to GIVE my opinion......

In which case, y’know, the experiences I have with this matter and how they correlate to these opinions, like, have contextual relevance and seem necessary to include.

Its NOT because I’m trying to use them to browbeat everyone into agreeing with me because I think I’m the only one whose opinion matters here, lol.

No. Just that like....it DOES matter? And its kinda exhausting when people act like all of this is arbitrary and abstract to me, that its some kind of superiority complex or me moralizing from a pulpit or some shit when I’m literally saying none of it is abstract or arbitrary to me, and the louder I say that, the more people THEN say “oh so basically your opinion is the only one that matters here unless we disclose the same kind of experiences or background huh?”

*headdesk*

I just.....it seems my stance is either born of self-righteousness and nothing personal whatsoever....unless I make enough of a fuss about how that’s NOT true, in which case my stance is that apparently I think I’m the only one who is allowed to have an opinion here because I’ve made such a point about it being personal.

But its definitely not that people are just determined to invalidate anything I have to say on this subject one way or another, right?

Anyway.

So all of that’s like...whatever that was. Make of it what you guys will, but I do hope that at least for some people whom it might be a new perspective or new information to, you’ll consider asking why is it that in a fandom that prominently features a canon male survivor whose survivorhood is so frequently denoted as a key and critical part of his character....someone like me, who is frequently cited as a resource on many, many other kinds of meta about Dick Grayson......seems to have more people interested in discouraging me from ever expounding on my own experiences in this matter and any correlations I see between those and Dick’s experiences and narratives, than there are people interested in like......utilizing me as the freaking resource on male survivor experiences and viewpoints that I’ve literally been out here offering to be from day one....specifically BECAUSE of how rarely men are viewed as coming forward and being open about our shit here.

*Shrugs*

Just food for thought.

[shima-draws]

Remember that one episode in Gravity Falls where Stan loses a bet to Mabel and does that stan-wrong-dance?? Can you write a drabble where Ford finds the footage pls the imagery is so freaking funny lmao

[[Send me a fandom/ship/prompt and I’ll write a drabble for it!]]

I’M SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG BUT I FINALLY FINISHED…I had a total blast writing it tho!!

I kinda took your prompt and went way beyond the original concept anjsakbnda so there’s some angst in here because Stan’s a self-sacrificial idiot and Ford almost loses his shit, but I hope you like it nonetheless :’)

Also this ended up being nearly 4k words so. Yeah. That’s why it took so long LOL but hopefully you got more than what you asked for!

This is also on Archive, if you’d rather read it there!

——————————————————–

Ford is absolutely furious.

Now, he’s no stranger to anger, having fallen victim to it many, many times throughout his life. His bouts of rage usually result in catastrophe if he isn’t careful. A prime example: letting Stan get kicked out of the house forty years ago. Or, when his irritation caused a fight between them that ended up in Stan’s permanently scarred shoulder and his own thirty year trip into the multiverse. It’s never simple and it usually doesn’t end well, especially if Stan happens to be on the other side of the argument.

This time, however, is a bit different.

It’s one thing if his brother has done something to piss him off. It’s another if Stanley does something so unbelievably stupid it scares the absolute shit out of Ford. He doesn’t like being angry. He doesn’t like being angry as a result of him being terrified even more.

And so, he’s taken to pacing in his study, trying to let off some steam. He’d separated himself from Stan after lecturing at him for twenty-five minutes about the very many reasons why Stan shouldn’t have charged right into battle against a particularly violent group of bullasps (an enormous wasp-bull anomaly hybrid, helpfully named by Mabel). Stan had come this close to being pierced by one of their enormous stingers—and if he had, well. The venom they secrete works so quickly Ford doubts he would have been able to do anything about it in time. And that is what had triggered his hysteria.

Mabel sits on one of the oversized chairs in the room, munching on a bag of popcorn. She’d followed him after his frustration had shot through the ceiling, needing to get away before he said anything he’d come to regret. Dipper had stayed behind to admonish Stan further, but not as harshly as Ford originally had.

It’s been almost a year since Ford and Stan left Gravity Falls to travel the world together. They’ve had plenty of arguments and heated late night discussions on board the Stan O’ War II, but they’d never escalated to this level. The two of them hashed out all of their past history and mistakes, and they’ve been attached at the hip ever since—but Stanley’s always had a bit of a reckless steak, and Ford will never admit it, but he’s unbelievably overprotective of his twin, especially after the whole shooting-him-with-a-memory-gun thing. (They try not to talk about that, much, mostly because it makes Ford feel so guilty it brings him to tears, and Stan hates seeing him like that.) This sort of takes the cake for every previous situation where Stan has willingly put himself in danger on their journey out at sea. Ford can’t remember the last time he’s felt so high strung.

“I just can’t believe him,” Ford hisses, his fingers tangled in his hair. His heart is still pounding, fear spiking through his veins and making him as taught as a bowstring. “Out of all the reckless, most monumentally moronic—”

“I know you’re upset, Grunkle Ford, but we took care of it!” Mabel points out, trying to be helpful. She does sound worried, though, if her expression has anything to say about it. “Those things ran right off after I used that cannon to shoot that t-shirt into the woods! Who knew bullasps are actually attracted to red things? I thought regular bulls hated the color red!”

Ford can’t help but smile a bit at her observation. “Actually, regular bulls are red-green colorblind, Mabel. It’s not that they particularly dislike the color red, it’s the action of a matador moving their cape that stimulates hyper aggression in—wait, wait, that’s not the point!” He heaves out a sigh. He turns to her and frowns. “Do you—do you even know why I’m so furious with Stanley right now?”

Mabel makes a funny sound with her mouth, her legs kicking back and forth, and then she answers. “‘Cause he shook his butt at them and told them to shove it where the sun don’t shine?”

Ford groans and pinches the bridge of his nose. Could Stan have any less tact? The children are almost 14 now, but still.

“That’s part of it,” he grumbles. “But it’s his insistence on constantly throwing himself headlong into danger before even considering the consequences of doing so. Stanley is—he’s ridiculously defensive of his family, which isn’t a bad quality to have at all, but…it gets him into unnecessary trouble. A lot.”

Mabel looks truly concerned now, which is good. “Is that why you looked like Dipper in the middle of a Wendy crisis when Grunkle Stan almost got hit by one of those super giant sharp and pointy stingers?”

Ford considers telling her that the venom would have killed Stanley in minutes, but then decides he should probably spare her those morbid details.

“Yes. It would have been…very catastrophic if he’d actually come into contact with one.” Ford slumps, suddenly feeling exhausted. “I’ve come this close to losing him once, I…the mere thought of possibly losing him again, and him ending up somewhere I couldn’t ever possibly reach…”

His throat tightens and he feels pressure building behind his eyelids. Emotion makes his heart feel like it’s being constricted, squeezed tight, and he swallows. He’d gone half his life without his brother and he regrets every single minute he didn’t spend by Stanley’s side. Almost losing him to Bill was a huge wake up call, and Ford’s barely been without him since then.

“So that’s why you’re so frowny,” Mabel chirps. Ford can’t tell if she’s totally oblivious to the seriousness of the situation or if she’s just trying to act upbeat for his sake—but he appreciates it either way. “You were pretty scared for him, huh, Grunkle Ford?”

Ford wipes his eyes and nods wordlessly. In the past he might have brushed her off but he knows better now—his family is the most important thing he has, and confiding in them when times are difficult is usually the best course of action.

The young teen hums thoughtfully, scratching her chin, and then her eyes practically light up.

“Wait, hold on! I have an idea,” she says excitedly. Her smile turns wicked. Oh, no. Ford knows that look. He’s been on the receiving end of it many times before.

“Grunkle Ford, have you seen the Stan Wrong Song?”

Ford tilts his head. “The…what?”

Mabel giggles insanely. “The Stan Wrong Song! It’s a song we forced Grunkle Stan to sing after he lost a bet to me.”

“Stanley lost a bet.”

“Uh-huh!”

“To you.” If Ford didn’t know her so well, he’d think she was lying. It’s extremely hard to believe, knowing how brilliant his twin is in the conning department.

Her grin becomes wider, if that’s even possible. Her braces glint in the dim light. “We bet to see who could make more money—me, taking over Grunkle Stan’s position as a morally ambiguous tour guide, or him on vacation. And I won the bet by a dollar! A dollar, Grunkle Ford!”

“Incredible,” Ford breathes, shaking his head.

“We made him sing it at least thirty-six times,” his nibling tells him. She really could give Stan a run for his money with how mischievous she is.

“Or, wait, maybe it was thirty-eight? Anyway, it was a whole lot! We were all singing it for weeks. The power of catchy made up songs prevailed! Grunkle Stan says he hates it, but I hear him singing it in the bathroom sometimes when he thinks I can’t hear him!”

The older man chuckles at that, amused.

“Anyway,” Mabel sing-songs. “Since Grunkle Stan was a dumb-dumb and almost got speared today and scared the bejeebers out of all of us, I think this is a good opportunity to bust that video out and give him a good ol’ dose of shame!”

“You truly are a peculiar girl, Mabel,” Ford says in wonder.

The brunette beams at this, her smile almost blinding.

“Come on,” she says, grabbing his wrist. Her grip is surprisingly strong, and so is the way she tugs him along with her. “It’s payback time! Revenge tastes sweet, like gummy worms!”

——————————————————–

Ten minutes later they’re seated together in the living room, prepared for the show. Mabel has already plugged her phone into the TV, which can broadcast anything she wants, thanks to a helpful little device Fiddleford had made for the family a while back. (It definitely helped when Ford wanted to show off all the videos he’d taken while he and Stan were out at sea on a larger screen for the whole family to watch.)

Stan is nowhere to be seen—which Ford supposes is a good sign as any. He’d rather not have Stan confiscate Mabel’s phone before Ford even gets to watch whatever the young girl is intent on showing him. Dipper’s probably still keeping watch over Stan, so that’s reassuring. He’s sure that there’s nobody more capable of watching his twin, except maybe Soos.

Mabel is practically vibrating in her seat, posture tense with excitement, and Ford fidgets. He’s honestly not sure what to expect—but when the video finally loads and the first thing he sees is Stan in a neon orange track suit covered with sparkles, Ford blinks in shock. He definitely didn’t expect that.

His twin looks like he’d rather be chased by a horrendous monster of the deep than perform in front of the camera, and the deadpan expression on his face has Ford releasing an amused snort.

Stan glances offscreen, gruff and irritated. “Ugh, l-look, I’m not gonna—”

Mabel’s voice interjects before he can finish protesting. “Do it!”

Stan begins to bounce as a song plays in the background. He looks so goofy doing it that Ford starts to giggle a little, the stress of the day rolling off his shoulders.

“I’m Stan and I was wrong.” Stan sings, dryly, with all the emotion of a desert cactus. “I’m singing the Stan Wrong Song.”

Something in Ford breaks, then—and he’s laughing, incredulously, sort of struck dumb by the whole situation. Mabel sniggers beside him. Stan starts to swing his arms, and Ford wheezes. His brother looks so foolish. Ford is absolutely reveling in it. (He’s so using this for blackmail material later.)

“I shouldn’t have taken that chance. Now here’s my remorseful dance,” Stan finishes, pouty and clearly embarrassed.

“Do the kicks!” Mabel’s voice calls out again, and Stan makes a feeble attempt at performing a kick, to which she demands them to be “Jazzier!”

It’s when Gompers comes in and starts a tug of war match with Stan that’s one for the history books that Ford loses it completely. The entire thing is just so wild and hysterical that he can’t help it, clutching at his side as he laughs and laughs and laughs. The video resets, going back to the beginning, and Ford happily sits through it again.

By the time the video loops for the fifth round Ford is howling with laughter, nearly bowled over by the force of it. His side has a stitch and it hurts and he’s pretty sure he’s crying but he can’t stop, too overwhelmed at the hilarity of his brother in a sparkly suit singing a song clearly meant to humiliate him—and maybe it’s the fact that Stan had had another close brush with death earlier and the built up tension from the incident that has him letting it all out through his chortles. Mabel is giggling madly beside him—whether she’s laughing at Stan or laughing at him laughing at Stan is unclear, but it’s contagious, and Ford can’t stop smiling.

God, how utterly ridiculous this all is. He loves his family.

The video is on its eighth loop and Ford is pretty sure he’s going to pass out from lack of oxygen when Stan bursts into the room, his eyes wide. Dipper follows close behind.

“What’s going on in—Ford?!”

Stan rushes over to him, his face drawn up in concern, and Ford’s heart melts a little. He might still be angry at his twin for scaring him half to death, but really, Stan’s mother hen tendencies never fail to make him smile.

“Ford—Jesus, you’re cryin’, Sixer! What the hell happened?”

Ford giggles and wipes the tears from his eyes, struggling to get his breathing back under control. “I’m—ahaha! I’m fine, Stanley.”

“With all the noise you were making, I thought you were dying,” Stan says with a worried frown. “It sounded like you were in pain or—”

Ford playfully rolls his eyes and nudges him in the shin with his foot.

“Now you know how I feel.”

Once he finally settles down, and when Mabel’s tittering fades, Stan finally registers the video playing behind him. His face immediately goes ash white, his expression quickly morphing into one of utter horror, and if Ford weren’t so wiped out by nearly laughing his ass into unconsciousness he’d probably start doing it again.

Dipper sees what they’re watching and he snorts, covering his mouth to hide any further giggles from coming out.

"Mabel, pumpkin?”

Mabel is the picture of pure innocence, her smile sickly sweet. “Yes, Grunkle Stan?”

“Either I’m having memory issues again or I swear I made you promise me in confidence that you would never ever show this video to Ford,” Stan says, slowly. His grin is wide and almost terrifying. If Ford didn’t know how much Stan loves Mabel he would have thought his twin was seriously considering strangling her. “And what did you do?”

“I showed the video to Ford,” Mabel says, looking shameful. She twirls a piece of long brown hair around her finger. Ford chokes back a bark of laughter at how well she’s pulling this off.

“Don’t be too hard on her, Stan,” Ford soothes in an attempt to curb his brother’s embarrassment. “She was only trying to help.”

Stan simply pouts, and suddenly all Ford can see is a young boy, cheeks bright red from the sun, childishly complaining about having to wear glasses because he thinks it’ll make him look like a nerd. Something warm blooms inside Ford’s chest and he bites his cheek, trying not to get lost in the memory of their childhood.

“How is this helping anything,” Stan mumbles, his cheeks flushing a charming shade of pink.

“It’s teaching you some humility,” Ford states, crossing his arms. “Maybe you should sing it again, Stanley.”

“What?!” His twin barks in outrage.

“He does have a point, Grunkle Stan,” Dipper provides helpfully from where he’s now lounging on the couch with Mabel. The video continues to loop, much to Stan’s chagrin. “You did do something wrong today.”

“Wh—are you still on about that? My god,” Stan groans, throwing his head back. “I was trying to be, ya know, heroic! Live up to my title.”

Ford is tempted to kick him again, but harder. His glare makes the other man wilt slightly.

“You already live up to your title, Stan,” Ford points out. “You don’t have to throw yourself in front of a beast with a toxicity level of 94 percent to prove that.”

“94? Holy crow, that’s high,” Dipper squeaks.

“You’ve already saved the world and paid the price for it once,” Ford continues. He slumps a bit in his chair, the exhaustion of the day finally catching up to him. “Please, Stan, you have to understand—there’s no point in trying to protect us if we lose you in the process. It’s just…just…” And he shakes his head, frustrated that he can’t put it into words properly.

“Okay, alright,” Stan says sheepishly, edging closer to where he’s sitting. “I get it. I didn’t mean to scare ya. It’s just habit for me to be self-sacrificial at this point.”

“That’s a terrible habit!” Mabel accuses.

“She’s right,” Ford mumbles. “If you hadn’t…if that stinger had come into contact, you would have…and then I…I…” He chokes up, his eyes watering. His heart clenches painfully, fear making his body feel like it’s encased in ice. “If I lost you…”

“Hey, easy there on the waterworks, Poindexter,” Stan teases lightly. He holds his hands out in a pacifying gesture. “I’m fine, see? Still in one piece. Mostly.”

“This isn’t funny, Stanley! How can you still refuse to comprehend—ugh!”

Ford is nearly tearing his hair out in frustration now, his teeth grinding together. Seriously, how can his brother still be such an idiot? He thought the lecturing and the clear distress the rest of the family is expressing would be enough to make Stan realize, but—

Stan folds his arms, huffing, and Ford notes that his face is coloring again. Mabel and Dipper gaze at him curiously, and before Ford can question his twin, Stan releases a soft, irritated noise from his throat.

“I’m Stan and I was wrong,” Stan mutters.

Ford blinks in shock.

The other man sighs, a deep-sounding one that slackens his posture. “I’m singing…the Stan Wrong Song.”

Mabel makes a high-pitched keen of excitement, and Dipper grins. Ford almost falls right out of his chair.

He isn’t sure what’s more surprising—Stan willingly putting his pride on the line, or begrudgingly singing about his mistake in front of the family, who he knows are more than capable of holding this against him.

“I shouldn’t have taken that chance…”

Stan edges closer until he’s standing over Ford, his cheeks the color of a ripe apple.

“I’m sorry, okay? Now will you please forgive me already?”

Something lodges itself in Ford’s throat, and his whole body feels as if it’s being flooded with warmth. Even after all this time, Stan still puts his want for Ford’s forgiveness over everything else. His heart glows.

“Stanley…”

“Don’t gimme that look,” Stan grumbles, refusing to meet his eyes.

The older twin beams and launches himself out of his chair, scooping his brother up in a hug.

“Wh—Ford?!”

Ford nuzzles happily into Stan’s hair, grinning wide.

“Thank you, Stanley.”

“What! You cannot leave me out of this family hug action!” Mabel cries, leaping off the couch to run over and throw her arms around her Grunkles’ legs.

“Squeeeeze!” She says, squeezing them tight. Ford laughs jubilantly and Stan rolls his eyes, but there’s a smile that refuses to go away on his face.

Mabel presses her nose into Stan’s leg for a moment, and then she looks over her shoulder at Dipper.

“Come on, Dippin Dots, you know you want in on this!”

Dipper rolls his eyes but slides off the couch nonetheless, coming over to circle them before ending up beside Ford in the group hug.

The young girl starts giggling, a happy, wonderful sound that makes Ford’s heart swell like a balloon. He feels all sorts of fuzzy, the euphoria of being with the people he loves the most—and with his twin, his other half, the person who almost gave his life for him today—making him burst into merry laughter as well. Soon enough Dipper joins them, and finally, Stan is roped into it, their laughter too contagious to ignore.

When they finally all calm down, Ford nudges his head against Stan’s temple. So maybe he’s feeling a bit clingy now, so what?

“Next time you do something like that again I will sneak horrifying body-altering concoctions into your coffee,” Ford tells him way too cheerfully for someone who’s threatening possible disfiguration.

“Yikes, Sixer. What sort of crap did you learn how to do on the other side of that portal?”

“I know how to disembody someone in a total of 103 unique ways,” Ford responds brightly while he rubs his cheek against Stan’s shoulder, hiding a grin into his shirt.

Much to his delight, Stan stiffens beneath him, and Ford almost laughs.

“Remind me not to get on your bad side,” Stan gruffs, patting him on the back. He pauses. “…Again.”

“Hey,” Dipper playfully elbows Stan. “Grunkle Stan, you didn’t finish.”

Mabel’s entire face lights up, and her smile is blinding—and devilish. “Oh, that’s right! You didn’t finish, Grunkle Stan! You have to commit to it all the way!”

Stan looks down at them, puzzled. He tries to squirm out of Ford’s hold but Ford just hums and hugs him tighter, his forehead pressing against the man’s shoulder.

Stan promptly gives up on getting free (because he knows from experience once Ford starts clinging it’s all over). Instead, he addresses the younger twins with an air of confusion.

“What are you gremlins going on about? Finish what?”

“Your song, silly!” Mabel chirps.

Dipper nods, his smirk matching his sister’s. “Yeah, you didn’t sing the entire thing. Or even do the dance! That was a pretty lackluster performance if you ask me.”

Stan’s face draws up in horror. “Oh, no.”

Ford leans back, but doesn’t detach himself from their interwoven limbs. Giving Stan another dose of shame, as Mabel put it, sounds thrilling right about now.

“You know, they do have a point,” he says, pretending to mull it over. He can’t stop grinning. “I’d love to see the most recent rendition of the Stan Wrong Song, from start to finish. Wouldn’t you, kids?”

“Abso-lutely!” Mabel almost screams. “I’ll have to go get my camera!”

Dipper nods, a hand on his chin. “Oh, yes, yes. Gotta have it.”

“You are the worst,” Stan hisses, his entire face matching the color of Ford’s sweater.

Ford laughs for the millionth time that day, his body feeling lighter than air.

——————————————————–

After that, they make him sing it a total of seven times before finally giving mercy. Stan swears he’s never going to do anything super dangerous again until he does two days later. Then the whole process repeats. LMAO

I can never get enough of Pines family fluff it makes me weak in the knees and oh so happy

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Episodyssey: Diseasy Does It

CHIMPERS! RISE UP!

On the unexpected return of Episodyssey, I’m not just gonna talk about an episode of a cartoon; no, I’m going to talk about literally the only fucking thing a cartoon ever put out. This is the failed pilot for Mr. Warburton’s cartoon Kenny and the Chimp, and it failed because the execs saw there was a bunch of side characters who were good-for-nothing kids who caused a ruckus and fought adult tyranny, and they were like, “Dude, just make a fucking show about them.”

[And the rest is history.]

But is there any value in Kenny and the Chimp? Why didn’t it capture the hearts and minds of the Cartoon Network execs back in the day? 

Well, aside from the fact that executives at animation studios don’t have hearts, I think the real issue with this pilot is that it didn’t really do much to set itself apart from other cartoons at the time. Like, ok, no, there was no other cartoon where a boy and his chimp helped out a mad scientist named Professor XXXL (pronounced Triple Extra Large, and it has to be bolded) who has a lobster claw for a hand, but it’s not like a boy and his chimp is the most original idea in the universe. It has been done in millions of cartoons and movies, and one time a chimp even starred alongside one of the most wicked men in American history.

[I was originally going to make a joke here about Reagan being the chimp, but chimps don’t deserve that sort of slander.]

But just because the concept is unoriginal doesn’t mean it can’t work. And yes, the concept is shallow, but it is just a pilot, and pilots tend to not be very good indicators of the final project. I’m going to talk about more pilots eventually, but off the top of my head shows like Foster’s Home and even Kids Next Door itself had pilots that were really awkward and didn’t really showcase the strengths of the main show. For all we know, Kenny and the Chimp could have ended up getting more story-driven as it went on like KND did, culminating in some sort of tragic fight where Kenny has to stop an evil Chimpy before he dooms the continent of Antarctica to a fiery death or some such late 90s/early 2000s cartoon nonsense. The point is, we’ll never really know, because again, this is just a pilot, and most pilots suck major ass. Good pilots are pretty rare.

[Pictured: A rarity.]

There are some things that do really stand out, with one of them being Professor XXXL, the mad scientists whose lab Kenny and Chimpy must watch. Much like fellow failed pilot villain Baron Vain, Professor XXXL is hilarious, hammy, and absolutely absurd, considering he has an entire collection of debilitating deadly diseases he doesn’t even know why he has as well as a giant lobster claw for an arm and a completely unexplained hatred for the PTA (though considering they apparently cut off and eat his lobster arm offscreen, perhaps his hatred of them is not unfounded). Unlike Baron Vain, Professor XXXL actually got to live again as a recurring “antagonist” on KND; antagonist is in quotations because he turns out to be one of the few adults who is actually not really evil at all, he just seems that way because… well, he’s Professor XXXL. What he’s really always up to is trying to create the perfect snowcone, which never works out for him because he’s an adult in a show where adults get the shit kicked out of them. Amusingly, every time he appears he has a different animal part. He’s definitely one of the more entertaining gimmick villains on the show.

The pilot also has some pretty amusing gags, a lot of which would probably go over a child’s head… or they would, if they weren’t painfully explained. The “Salmonella Fitzgerald” joke sadly gets a Seltzer & Friedbergian explanation, which kind of ruins things; this isn’t a problem for the Swine Flu cure joke, which has a parody of Emeril, but the Swine Flu joke has aged poorly for… other reasons. Aside from those, it does have some pretty standard gags that would have most likely led to it working better as a series of shorts, though if that were the case I’m not sure if this would be particularly memorable. Do you remember any of the shorts Cartoon Network did fondly? Don’t answer that.

As it stands, it’s become depressingly obscure, though again, I do get why. It just didn’t really do much to set itself apart, and it had far more interesting side characters in it that, when fleshed out, made a far better show. That’s kinda what happens sometimes. Still, I feel like there could be some value mined from this, and there’s certainly plenty of meme potential in the show, at least in terms of out of context images.

[Please explain what is going on in this picture.]

My pipe dream for the 2020s is to foster a semi-ironic Kenny and the Chimp fandom and somehow get Mr. Warbuton to do a revival. Obviously this isn’t going to happen, because maybe five people will read this review and even less people are going to come out appreciating the sheer genius of Kenny and the Chimp, but hey, can you fucking imagine? Galactic Kenny and the Chimp, people drawing chimpsonas, Kenny and the Chimp discourse as people argue whether or not Chimpy is old enough to be shipped with Professor XXXL…

Actually, you know what, I’m glad this didn’t happen. We got KND, Kenny and the Chimp remains an amusing little footnote in history, and I think things really worked out for the best with the Mr. Warburton show we ended up getting.

[Well, mostly for the best.]

[twatd]

Getting TWATD at the Wake, i: WicDiv #45 Reactions

Every month, two writers have returned to this blog. They did an essay each. For five years. And now it’s all over.

The Wicked + The Divine #45 is out, showing us what the gods did after the cycle ended. We’re following their lead and breaking our own rules. We won’t be writing the normal essays about the issue. Less a remembrance of WicDiv’s death, and more a celebration of its life. 

Let’s start with our initial reactions. Once we’d both read the issue, we sat down and discussed our feelings on where everyone ended up, and how the story finished. Here are the highlights of that conversation.

Spoilers for... well, for the entirety of WicDiv, I guess, below the cut.

Tim: So here we are. After five years and 45 issues, we reach the end of The Wicked + The Divine. Overall, did it feel like a satisfying ending to you?

Alex: After #44, which I enjoyed but didn't really feel like an ending to me... this issue was pretty much exactly what I wanted from the end of this story. I liked where every character ended up, and I got a bit weepy at the sheer optimism of them still being alive and making a positive difference in the world.

What about you?

Tim: I was more or less the flip of that. For me, the emotional climax was last issue, and this is more of a coda that works beautifully in some ways and stumbles a little in others. That might just be my expectations shaping my reading though - we've both sunk a lot of time into thinking about this series, so we're always going to come in with baggage.

Alex: Oh, absolutely. But I suspect our own sets of baggage aren't necessarily the same. WicDiv is a broad church, and I think we've always got slightly different things from it. And I wonder if that informs our different reactions?

Tim: I would be interesting to dig into, but I worry this whole thing could turn into a mutual therapy session.

Alex: Hah. I mean, that's what this whole comic is for, right?

Tim: This issue keeps the focus relatively tightly on Laura. Do you think WicDiv overall was always her story?

Alex: I actually disagree with that statement a little. The big twist of this issue, for me, is how much it was Cassandra's story.

As I slowly realised who the funeral was for (a process extended out a little thanks to the slightly blurry review PDF obscuring the name on the programme), I was actually kind of furious. Cassandra's always been one of my favourite characters, and she's been a little absent from the last couple of issues.

But, at the halfway point of the issue, I think that starts to show itself as intentional. In the end, Cass gets to give her own eulogy, and she's probably got the most lines of anyone in the issue. Even when she's not around, people are talking about her. It's basically “Where’s Poochie?” meets a Cassandra-themed Bechdel Test. And I love it.

Tim: Yeah, it's essentially a Cass sandwich between two slices of Laura bread. It effectively makes their relationship the central figure of the final issue, which is fascinating given that this issue also introduces a whole new wrinkle to the dynamic that we've seen them develop over 44 issues.

I'm sure that there are plenty of people out there who shipped them, but I've got to say, Laura and Cass ending up married sort of blindsided me. I loved their friendship throughout the series, and the way they slowly opened up to each other, but I can't say I picked up on any romantic vibes between the two. Am I being a clueless straight dude here?

Alex: I think that, for all WicDiv's love of foreshadowing, their relationship isn't something that has been signposted much during the series. There is Laura's line in #43 about jealousy and envy, but I think this is more about the vast period between these two issues. A relationship that was one thing, organically becoming another. Rather than – to pick another comic which was hugely formative on us both and has a weirdly similar ending – the Yorick/355 thing of 'oh, this is what that always was'.

Tim: Yeah, I suppose in a way it speaks volumes about just how much was jammed into the two years that we followed those characters through, and how much more you can fit in a time span 20 times longer. But I do worry that it slightly undermines the Laura/Eleanor moments in #44.

Alex: That might be it, actually – Laura and Eleanor were the bits of #44 I found least interesting, because it's a dynamic I'm just not that invested in. I do agree that it feels narratively messy to bring that relationship up only to immediately push it aside, but I feel like that's part of the point – and it's probably easier for me to accept, because I was never aboard that particular ship.

Tim: I can definitely accept that a the pairing of Laura & Eleanor feels too chaotic to last, while a Cass & Laura marriage would be built on rock.

How about where everyone else ended up? Were there any surprises that stood out to you?

Alex: I think the one that surprised me most is Aruna (ex-Tara) and Jon (ex-Mimir). Not where they ended up, exactly – Jon building her a body is something I've seen multiple people on Tumblr crossing their fingers for – but rather how much is done with how little.

They're the gods we got to know least, because of when and how they were each introduced, and they don't get much page space here, but I still Got It. The abstraction of Aruna's body, and Jon inevitably growing into his dad but learning from his mistakes... those are both really lovely endings for those characters.

What about you?

Tim: Aruna is obviously the most visually stunning, and I love the design that McKelvie has created. It reminds me of something I can't put my finger on, and for some reason it means that when she started playing guitar, I was like "oh, it's St Vincent". Make of that what you will.

Alex: That's a nice bit of pop-cultural synaesthesia. (…synthaesthesia?)

Tim: Otherwise, I found Umar's evolution really interesting. It felt like some of his selflessness had curdled into anger a little, and seeing him echo Cam was a real heartbreaker. That and his dynamic with Cass - he felt like someone with a whole bunch of tragedy and regret draped around him.

Alex: That's a really interesting take on him. And it's testament to how open these characters' fates are left – I didn't get that vibe off him at all, but it makes complete sense, and I can now see it in the severity of his design.

But the closure of that final plot loop, with the Morrigan prophecy, was definitely something that stuck out to me. It was painful, and I'm not sure how I feel about it. The idea that he's married, but it's to someone who – canonically, word of literal god – isn't the love of his life? Oof.

Tim: Here's a question - would you want to see more of either the 2055 cast or the times in between, or do you think this snapshot was enough? Like, if this had been a final arc, instead of a final issue.

Alex: In the run-up, I assumed this issue would be structured like: ‘five years, and ten years later, and...’. So I definitely thought we’d get more of that stuff than we did.

Honestly, I love these versions of the characters a lot, but I think spending longer with them could only diminish the impact. And I like that there's a certain level of 'nope, you don't get to see this'. It reminds me of what Laura tells us, about her abortion: “You don’t get details.”

Tim: And yeah, I agree. As much as I have questions I'd love answered, the answers I speculate on in my head are probably as satisfying as actually seeing them on the page in some ways. Knowing that the characters got to live on and make choices and mistakes is, in a lot of ways, enough.

We've spoken numerous times before about how WicDiv is a book obsessed with cycles and systems. Do you think the characters have well and truly broken free from what was trapping them?

Alex: Absolutely. I think that's what I found so moving about this issue – their lives moving forward, unencumbered by all the things they kept being dragged back into over those two years. It doesn't mean they're perfect people, in the final reckoning, but they do get to be whole people.

Tim: There's definitely a sense of somewhat messy real lives outside of this moment, something that's hard to convey in such a small space. Eleanor seems to be the one holding on to her iconic poses and perfect sarcasm the most, which absolutely makes sense, but even she feels like someone who has changed and evolved. They are all free to colour outside the lines now, which isn't always pretty, but it's true.

Alex: So we're agreed that the gods all managed to break free of their cycle. But as WicDiv has been coming out, the two of us have also found a neat little groove to live in. How do you feel about that going away?

Tim: This has been a wonderful community to be part of, and I've rarely if ever stumbled across negative parts of it, which is pretty extraordinary for a fandom in the modern age. I will definitely miss watching people react to and interpret new issues as they come out, and I hope the interesting voices that I've discovered through this keep writing about other things that inspire them. How about you?

Alex: It's a weird mix of sadness and relief, because our relationship with this comic is so tied up with thinking and reading and especially writing about it. Both of our lives have changed a lot over the five years WicDiv has been coming out, and in particular we've both been hella busy of late, so I've definitely felt that monthly cycle starting to bite into my neck.

But who am I kidding? I give myself about six weeks till I start missing it all, and send you one of my famous late-night texts, the ones that start "Tim, I've had a bad idea..."

[avanalae]

Darkfic Saga Installment 9

The 9th installment of my old Darkfic Saga! It’s only been, like, five years. :| I hope you’ll all forgive me. 

And to those who aren’t familiar with this series, please be wary as this is pretty much my series where I abuse the heck out of the characters that I love. Mostly Tim. Most all of them are pretty darn dark. 

You can find the rest of the series on AO3. I started it on Dreamwidth and Livejournal aaaages ago. I uploaded everything to AO3 in one story right HERE, but the previous installment is on tumblr right HERE.

Enjoy!

__________

Title: The End of my Lover Fandom: DCU Pairing: Jason/? (written with Tim in mind but is open) Rating: T Warnings: Insanity, Implied Death or Major Injury, Blood Prompt: Madness (Darkfic 056)

Jason doesn’t remember much from his brief episodes of insanity. It’s a leftover from the pit, of course, these episodes. They’ve been getting shorter with longer periods of time between them, but they terrify him.

He has every right to be terrified.

During one of his episodes, he’d… Jason blinks back the tears. He can’t even think it. All that he can see behind his eyelids is that scene he woke up to.

Blood, blood everywhere, staining their bed and covering his lover’s body. His eyes were closed, and Jason’s heart felt like it had stopped in his chest as he stared.

He reached out to touch him and flinched back when he saw it.

Covered in blood.

Hoarsely he muttered his lover’s name.

There was no response.

The madness returned.

__

Title: Pretty Please Fandom: DCU Pairing: Slade/Tim Rating: Explicit Warnings: Non-Con/Rape Prompt: Please (Darkfic 057) 

“P-Pl…” he gasps, cutting himself off from finishing the word.

The pace slows, still hard enough to jerk his body with every thrust, but it drags and he whines. “No…!”

A deep chuckle rattles him and he tries to thrash but is held down easily. “Down, little bird. Just say it.”

Tim shakes his head frantically and tries to free himself, only making the man laugh again. He thrusts hard making him choke and nearly bite his tongue.

“Careful there, little bird,” he traps both hands in one of his massive ones. The other gleefully explores the small body beneath him. “Now, just say the word and we can get this over with. But, by all means,” he thrusts again and draws out a little whine before leaning over him and mutters against bitten lips, “take your time.”

Tim surges up and attempts to bite those lips but he backs off with a bark of laughter. Tim grunts at the movement and groans, “Slade, no…!”

“Mm. Slade, yes.” He twists one of Tim’s nipples harshly and Tim wails. “Go ahead, little bird. Just say please.”

A fresh bout of tears spill from Tim’s eyes and Slade wipes them away in a gesture of mock kindness. “Just say the word and I’ll end this,” his free hand brushes ever so lightly against Tim’s groin and Tim flinches with a whine.

“N-No!”

Slade smirks, “Then be ready for a long night.”

__

 Title: Come Play with Me Fandom: DCU Pairing: Jason/Tim Rating: T Warnings: Implied Drugging, Dark Implications Prompt: Mask (Darkfic 058) 

The slim body sidles up to him, fitting ever-so-nicely against him. Chest to chest slender arms come up to wrap around his neck and he leans in, noses brushing.

“Jay,” Tim drawls, “What are you doing here?” One hand caresses his cheek, thumb skimming along the edge of his mask.

Jason growls, “You’re drugged, birdie. I’m taking you home.”

“Oh, truly? Mm,” Tim pulls him down closer by his neck and nuzzles him, “What will you do to me there?”

Jason tries to push him away but Tim rolls with the movements. There must be something wrong with him, too, because he can’t bring himself to be rough with the man. “Red Robin, you need to stop.”

Tim sighs and rubs against him, “Will you make me?”

“Red-” Jason groans and finally manages to push him away, though likely only because Tim let him. “Come on. We need to get whatever is drugging you tested and get an antidote ready.”

“Mm,” Tim sighs and stretches, “Won’t you play with me? Please?”

“No, Red, I don’t even know what you were drugged with.” Jason huffs and then grunts as Tim moves and knocks him out with a swift jab.

Tim smiles at the passed-out form of the bigger man, “You should have just said yes, Jaybird.”

__

 Title: Burn, Baby, Burn Fandom: DCU Pairing: Ra’sTim Rating: T Warnings: Death, Fire, Burning cities, Destruction Prompt: Destruction (Darkfic 059) 

Ra’s brushes a few kisses along Tim’s temple, arms wrapped around the man sitting between his legs. Tim hums contentedly and continues to run his thumbs across Ra’s’ knuckles.

His kisses trail down to his neck and Tim sighs, tilting his head just so to invite the ministrations.

Ra’s takes the opportunity and continues to explore his lover with his lips, inhibited only by the clothes he wears. The neck of his shirt is wide, however, so he has plenty of skin to adore. And adore he does.

Tim turns his head in a plea for a kiss and receives one, a lingering thing that makes him sigh. Ra’s smiles into it and Tim licks those tempting lips.

“Come now, Timothy, I thought you would desire to view the scenery.”

Tim grumbles but does look out at the skyline.

The sky is red and black, filled with smoke and the reflections of flames. Flickers of flame are scattered around, bright red and orange, giving off a glow.

The city is burning.

The sounds of screams are distant, but audible and Tim closes his eyes. He can’t feel the heat of the flames from this distance, but he likes to imagine he can.

Eventually Tim huffs, “I do very much enjoy the sights, but I can imagine a better way to spend our time.” He rolls his hips back into Ra’s’ groin and leans back fully, dropping most of his weight onto the older man.

Ra’s chuckles and his hands slip down to spread Tim’s thighs atop his own. One hand squeezes his inner thigh and the other grabs one of Tim’s pecs, caressing firmly. Tim groans, pleased, and drags his nails along his lover’s arms.

Sirens wail in the distance and Ra’s nips at Tim’s neck.

People scream and Tim moans.

Chaos reigns and their kings kiss with a ferocity that is second nature to them.

__

 Title: Venom Fandom: DCU Pairing: None Rating: PG-13 Warnings: Implied murder Prompt: Poisonous (Darkfic 060)

Tim knows what’s wrong with him. He’s never not known. And he doesn’t consider it to be something wrong with him, either. It’s just a part of him.

He’s venomous. It’s easily controlled now, but he can still slip.

It’s always an accident, he would swear if anyone knew it was him.

Mother was both venomous and poisonous, but he is glad he isn’t, as it would make getting all those injuries a terrible inconvenience. Not only that but he’d be outed rather quickly as something abnormal.

Mother taught him all the ways to use his venom and he collected it on a regular basis to run tests on and for… other reasons. He always keeps a vial on him with a small injector.

Just in case.

Tim stares down at the unconscious criminal before him. Not one of the supervillains, for sure, but he apparently aspires to be one. Now then, whether or not to nip the problem in the bud.

He draws out the vial and swirls it.

Whether or not to waste a bit of himself on such trash.

These are the tough decisions he must make.

__

Title: By the Light of the Moon Fandom: DCU Pairing: Jason/Tim Rating: M Warnings: Werewolves, beastiality, rape Prompt: Feral (Darkfic 061) 

“J-Jay, Jaybird, hey,” Tim is on his knees in the best submissive position he can manage, “Hey, it’s me, Tim. Jason it’s Tim.”

The beast before him growls right in his face, long muzzle scrunched up to bare wicked-looking teeth. But praises be, he snuffs and sniffs and seems to recognize Tim on some level. His nose tucks into Tim’s armpit and then his hips, rubbing his groin which startles Tim.

The jerky motion brings a growl from Jason, this werewolf before him, and he stills.

But the next thing he knows he’s being pushed onto his back and large paw-like hands are holding his wrists down. “Jay- What are yo- eep!”

Jason tears off Tim’s pants in one swift motion with his jaws, ripping the fabric beyond all hope.

“Jason-!” He licks a broad stripe along Tim’s groin and stomach, making Tim yelp. “Oh no oh no, Jay, please-”

But the pleas fall on deaf ears as Jason takes position to mount him. Tim’s panic is blatant, but his struggles mean nothing against a 400-pound beast.

His scream echoes among the trees as Jason takes him.

__

Title: In the Night Fandom: DCU Pairing: Bruce/Tim Rating: M Warnings: Underage, Masturbation, Rutting Prompt: Shadow (Darkfic 062)

Bruce is always there, even if not physically. He’s always watching and always present, just like a shadow. He stalks and prowls and sees everything.

Tim knows this, but he can’t help it. He’s a healthy young teenager with an active sex drive.

So when he masturbates, he makes sure the cameras have the best view, no matter what he’s doing. Whether he’s pulling himself off to a release or fingering himself or playing with one of the many toys he’s gotten, he angles himself just right.

And it all comes to a head one night after patrol. He’s terribly horny and he’s rushing through clean-up so he can run up to his room and have a quick release when he’s stopped by Bruce. He draws him into conversation about their patrol all the while eyeing him, so Tim has no doubts that he’s doing this on purpose.

Feeling bold, Tim steps into Bruce’s space. He backs up until he’s sitting in the chair at the computer and Tim climbs onto his lap. Bruce’s stare is passive, but his eyes are burning so Tim grinds against his stomach. His moan is loud and echoes in the cave and suddenly he’s shy, covering his mouth with one hand.

But Bruce’s large hands grab his hips and pull him into thrusts. Tim gasps and starts following the rhythm, moaning louder and louder as his hands come away from his mouth to grab at Bruce’s shoulders.

He comes hard, his thrusts stuttering against Bruce’s toned stomach and he whines.

Tim eventually manages to open his eyes and he sees Bruce’s pants fighting against his own erection and-

He swallows. Bruce must be huge.

But something lights in his stomach, even after his orgasm, and he looks up to see Bruce staring him down.

Maybe just this once…

[permian-tropos]

Hi! you said you only like particular types of Kylux, do you have any stories to recommend? How do you feel about gingerpilot, hux/rose (hose?) and hux/cardinal?

It’s actually been a few years since I shipped kylux. My absolute ultimate Star Wars OTP that has consumed 50% of my waking thoughts has been gallirae, which is such a teensy Imperial rarepair. Even with it being so teensy, just myself and some friends, I haven’t run out of ways to explore it. There’s so much untapped potential. I’ve shipped it for longer than I shipped kylux. Rae Sloane in particular succeeds at being the villainous archetype that a lot of people including myself had to work to transform Hux into. An ambitious, talented, career officer and underdog with reasons to passionately defend the system and other reasons to doubt or resent it. 

Back when I was more kylux-exclusive, once I got into the idea of creating my own content, I was very fixated on that and found other fic to be somewhat distracting. Also lately my attention span when it comes to reading fanfic has drastically improved. (Going back on ADHD meds has... been part of it). So back in the day, I noticed plenty of cool stories, including stuff friends of mine wrote, but struggled to read it. My impression of fandom was more the stuff that wound up on my tumblr dash. Plus I did a ton of RP. There’s probably a lot of really good kylux fic out there that I never got around to reading, also a lot of good kylux fic I read but forgot. I didn’t keep good records on AO3. I just now checked my bookmarks list for you and the kylux fics on there? I do not remember anything about them and I really did read them ages ago. I don’t even have enough links to fics my old fandom friends wrote. I really just wasn’t much of a content curator. 

I think my ideal kylux (The Fic I Never Truly Wrote) would be something with a truly sci-fi, fantasy, or paranormal plot. Something besides romance is going on, danger and intrigue especially coming from extraordinary sources. There’s a whole chunk of worldbuilding, intrigue, suspense or danger. Kind of action-adventure buddy-dramedy-ish (I said kylux isn’t like ineffable husbands in personality but that doesn’t mean they can’t be thrown into slightly alike plot circumstances).

That being said. There’s one kylux fic I still remember liking AND remembered enough identifying info to find it again on AO3 (there’s a couple of others that I just... FUCK... I can’t remember the author or fic name even though a lot of other stuff is really clear in my mind. Sorry. I was depressed and disorganized for the past few years). I’m not saying this one’s the best of everything I’ve read, or exactly what I might have been looking for. But I remember it. It’s quite old by sequel trilogy fandom standards. Also if it turns out to have been right about Palpatine possession being the endgame thing, that will be neat as heck.

Saint by @ofcorsetstrash​ lol I think I’ve told them once before that this is inexplicably one of my favorite fics (not that it’s inexplicable because it’s not good but that I read it very early on and it remained memorable with how huge the fandom got) it just resonated with me maybe I really liked the way it represented mental conversations with use of text formatting, that’s something I did in one of my first fanfics and it’s a very cool and vivid technique.

Also there’s these fics my best friend Mads @honeypothux wrote a while back: 

Seasons Greetings From the Solo-Organas -- a holiday comedy with a cool background element of a modern AU with Star Wars infused history (I’m a sucker for modern settings that are like what medieval fantasy is to medieval Europe -- very similar normal everyday life, very different geopolitics and history. It has the same intrigue for me as magic realism.) 

When the Crypt Door Creaks -- sadly unfinished but it’s young adult Kylo and Hux in a haunted Disney ride adventure. The Haunted Mansion itself. A lot of cool ideas, reminds me a teeny bit of a Henry Selick animated film. 

And the ones of mine I like:

Flashburn -- very very weird context for this one, fandom got obsessed with tentacle rape for a brief while and I found it squicky and started a fic to work through that squick by taking the idea seriously, but it’s not at all explicit, it’s about as implicit as you can get without actual ambiguity. Rated T but check the warnings. It’s more about Kylo and Hux discovering ways to not hate each other. 

Our Wicked Home -- maybe my favorite kylux fic I’ve written. Senator Hux returns to the abandoned Arkanis Academy as part of a truth and reconciliation, alongside his Jedi bodyguard Ben Solo. Hux doesn’t have a bad relationship with his family in this (and his parents were happily married), and it’s hard for him to cope with having nostalgia for a place where there was so much suffering.

Memory of Snow -- quiet alpine angst post-canon with hermit Kylo finding outcast Hux has tracked him down 

Moving on: 

How I feel about gingerpilot? Never really felt like my thing. 

Hux/Rose? I have never seen it called Hose that’s hilarious omfg. I didn’t passionately love it at first but my pal @tobermoriansass got me into it. I definitely don’t ship it in all possible configurations. Not as a cutesy sort of ship, definitely. Something raw and rotten and intense. I have a half-finished Hux/Rose fic that I wrote for a fic exchange. Still feel guilty about not completing it. But I kind of gave myself a writing injury trying to finish it, pushed myself too hard. I’ll come back to it when I’m ready. 

If you want a smut rec here’s a wild ride of a Finn/Rose/Hux weird alien psychic bond threesome 

Hux/Cardinal? I haven’t read Phasma yet, just had other people tell me about it. I’d kind of like to ship them as brothers. This is mostly because I don’t like canon Brendol Hux having no complexity in his relationship to his son. I think he was once an interesting character who could have been even more interesting and who can’t be interesting when he’s too repulsive to linger on for long. So having Cardinal and Armitage develop a strong brotherly bond adds to a complicated family backstory. Deep down I want to do a Fullmetal Alchemist AU for them where Cardinal is the disembodied suit of armor brother to Armitage the shrimpy irascible genius, though they’re far less heroic than the Elrics. 

Ummmmmm

I think that’s about it except that one major reason why I don’t read kylux is that I’m absolutely obsessed with my OC of his mom and I so vastly prefer the universe where she exists because she’s like a weird overpowered feral ocean witch. If only canon had invented her instead of me. 

OH ALSO I FORGOT THANK YOU FOR THE QUESTION ANON YOURE VERY LOVELY HOPE YOU ENJOY THE FICS I JUST GOT SO FOCUSED ON ANSWERING I FORGOT I WAS VERY HAPPY TO GET YOUR ASK LOL

[easilydistractedbyfanfic]

Raven Reyes - Remorse and Forgiveness

I love the dystopian realm of The 100 and have since S1. I never participated in fandom until S5, but Raven has been my favorite female character from very early on, and I read discussions of her character with interest. I don’t always agree with everything I read, but I don’t love her because I think she’s perfect and can do no wrong - I love her because she’s interesting and layered, and her background and struggles have made her the strong character she is. 

One of the wider opinions I read a lot of is that Raven isn’t one to be remorseful of her actions, or that she blames others for things that she has played a part in as well - ie, holds Bellamy or Clarke more responsible than she holds herself. I have also seen her called selfish and that she doesn’t consider other people’s opinions because she thinks she’s right all the time. 

There’s particular interest in Raven’s traits and motivations because of so many unresolved issues & dynamics in S5, and a lot of people (myself included) think that S6 may help to address some of these missing conversations. I’m not psychic, I can only make educated guesses on what we’ll see based on what has already been shown, but I would like to take a few moments to point out some things about Raven’s character that I think might be too frequently overlooked when discussions of who she is come into play. This is not to say that I don’t think she has flaws - she wouldn’t be at all fascinating to me if she was perfect, and The 100 is nothing if not good at creating complex, diverse characters whose motivations are often muddied. 

So, first - while I definitely think that the triangle of Raven/Finn/Clarke is going to come back into play via the triangle of Echo/Bellamy/Clarke parallel because there IS unfinished emotional business there and of course this show likes its parallels, with regard to Raven, I see so many people say that she’s never forgiven Clarke for mercy-killing Finn. I think that perspective isn’t fully correct, though. Is there still some bad feelings there? Maybe - but, I’d like to see more people address the very real scene we got in 2x09 “Remember Me” that was short but actually told us a lot. 

After Raven was wrongfully accused of trying to murder Lexa and was tied to the pole and repeatedly cut (oh, Indra, you hurt my fave!), she is cleared by Clarke & Bellamy and Gustus is accused and ends up confessing he had done it. Later, we see Gustus tied to the pole receiving the same sentence, but it is carried out fully - the same exact thing that would have happened to Raven, that would have happened to Finn, that could have happened to Murphy. Raven is watching this, she’s felt at least 3 or 4 of the cuts herself, and she whispers out loud “This would have been Finn” while Clarke is watching Raven’s reaction. Raven turns to look over her shoulder AT Clarke and their eyes meet. Raven is clearly distraught, a look of anguish on her face. I know we aren’t given an entire conversation, but even if there is not full *forgiveness* on Raven’s part towards Clarke here, there is absolutely UNDERSTANDING. Raven understands that what Clarke did to Finn WAS a mercy, after experiencing it herself and seeing it happen to Gustus. We are deliberately shown this scene. 

We can consider that Raven may still be upset that Finn cheated on her, that Clarke caught his interest. She may or may not have unresolved feelings that result in anger or frustration with Clarke over this. BUT - keep in mind that we got a scene in 2x05 where Raven tells Clarke “I’ve been waiting out here all night” to check up on Clarke and the two have an obviously affectionate hug. This is plenty of time after Raven has broken up with Finn (that was in 1x10). If Raven was still holding a large grudge regarding Clarke and jealousy over Finn, this scene certainly puts that into question, or at least means it’s not something at the forefront of Raven’s mind.  

We can also consider that Raven may feel that part of the reason Finn died was because of his interest in Clarke - he went to that village looking for Clarke, after all - BUT... I go back to the 2x09 scene to tell us that Raven understands what Clarke did, and in fact I think it shows that Raven appreciates that she did it after having seen the result on Gustus herself. We have evidence of how Raven feels - on multiple levels - when it comes to Finn & Clarke, and I do think we have to reflect on the canon when we ask ourselves what she might STILL be feeling, or what might get stirred up by a Becho/Bellarke triangle in S6. In addition to time passing between Finn’s cheating and his death and the whole triangle scenario, we also have Raven’s own actions (the hug with Clarke, my belief that she shows understanding towards Clarke’s mercy killing, the rest of season 3, 4 and parts of season 5 that show them working together as a team among other things) that show that Raven isn’t actively holding a grudge. 

In S1x11, there is a series of scenes between Raven & Monty where Raven wants to dismantle a lot of their communication devices in order to make functional walkie-talkies for the delinquents. At one point she tells Monty she needs a component from their radio to use, but he says no because it is their only way to contact The Ark. Raven tells him The Ark’s not there, there’s nothing to hear from them anymore, and Monty replies that his family is up there - ie, he’s not ready to give up hope, he doesn’t want to take apart the radio and lose their chance of hearing from The Ark. Raven IS somewhat unemotional here - she says “I’m sorry” but takes the wiring off the radio anyway. 

To me, this scene does illustrate what some people say about her - that she ignores other people because she feels that her decision is the right one or that it’s the most logical. But even so, she acknowledges that she’s over-riding Monty with the “I’m sorry” and even more importantly - we get another scene between the two later in this same episode where Raven deliberately brings it up again. She says “Hey, I’m sorry, about before, really, and about your family.” She looks sad and remorseful when she says it, and Monty gives her a genuine “Thanks” in response. This scene also comes after Raven used Bellamy (and he used her too, that’s a whole other discourse) to rid herself of some of her conflicted feelings about Finn/Clarke (and she herself says it didn’t work). So I think it’s important to point out that even amongst her own personal issues, she recognizes that she didn’t show sympathy to Monty the first time around and that it’s weighing on her. So when she sees him again, SHE brings it up, SHE apologizes and acknowledges that she dismissed his perspective. This is not a character who is unfeeling or does not experience regret. 

Towards the end of 1x11, we get a rare scene with Raven & Octavia as they look for Finn and Clarke in the woods. Raven voluntarily confesses to Octavia that earlier that day, Raven had thought that things would be easier if Finn was just... gone. As in, the fallout from their breakup, Raven’s emotional pain over it, her unresolved feelings, perhaps jealousy of Clarke, etc. But now that Finn and Clarke are missing, Raven is expressing that she feels guilt for these feelings. Again, this is not a character who is unfeeling or shows that she does not have self-reflection. 

In 2x05, we see Raven helping Bellamy, Clarke & Octavia escape Camp Jaha through the fence so they can try to help those at Mt. Weather. Abby finds out about this and slaps Raven across the face (oh, Abby you done pissed me off over this one). Raven IMMEDIATELY sees Abby’s remorse even though we have a lot of hints that Raven’s mother abused her emotionally - and maybe physically, we’re not sure. Raven actually pushes a cup of water closer to Abby and stays at the table. Her actions both in this scene and in regards to Abby later show that Raven does not hold a grudge, in fact still seems to look up to Abby in a lot of ways (consider Becca’s Island in S4, and how Raven shares the ‘cure’ for ALIE when Abby sends people to rescue her before Praimfaya). In fact, I suggest that Raven would not feel nearly as betrayed by Abby over the shock-collar incident in S5 if Raven had not fully forgiven Abby over this slap.

In 2x14, we are shown Raven asking Wick for help with the acid fog. She says thanks to him, she shows frustration with herself that she can’t solve the problem. It is no stretch by now that we as an audience should understand that Raven puts a lot of pressure on herself to solve problems.  

In S3, Raven spent a good portion of it hijacked by ALIE. Everything she says after taking the key to the City of Light is influenced by that, by ALIE’s motivations. She calls out Clarke, Jasper, Bellamy - but this is ALIE’s influence making her say it. ALIE makes Raven try to hurt herself so that Raven will die before they EMP her, but once Raven is herself again in 3x11, the first scene we get of her speaking (other than crying out in pain), is her telling Jasper “I’m so sorry for all the crap I said” but then teases he deserved the punch in the face (they both laugh at this). The argument can be made that we do not see her apologize to Clarke or Bellamy, and we also don’t see a scene where she learns about what Monty did to his mother as part of saving Raven. As a fan of Raven, I know this next point could come across as defensive, but I do think it’s relevant that while they are focusing on stopping ALIE right away, Sinclair is killed protecting Raven (noooo!!!!), and that creates some trauma that certainly distracts from everything that happened. The 100 never lets us see every conversation or have resolution to everything we’d like, so we can only look at what comes after, and we don’t actively see a lack of connection between Raven with Monty, Clarke or Bellamy. We see Monty choosing to stay behind in 3x12 with Raven in order to work on ALIE issues, and in the same episode, Raven & Clarke hug goodbye and Raven & Bellamy exchange a fond arm squeeze when Clarke and Bellamy leave them behind. Raven hugs Jasper goodbye too and makes a move to do the same with Octavia but Octavia is hurt by the recent funeral of Lincoln and Sinclair and isn’t even looking at anyone. It is Monty who turns away from *Jasper* here, showing a broken connection. 

I mentioned that the 100 never lets us see every interaction, and I want to go back to 2 events that I think people might look at when they say Raven is not remorseful/doesn’t feel guilty for her actions. We have both Raven torturing Lincoln in S1 (for a cure for Finn), and Raven’s willingness to turn Murphy over to the Grounders instead of Finn in S2. Both valid concerns, and I think they do show that Raven isn’t a pacifist (she is not), and that she can be motivated by emotional issues (ie, losing a loved one). Raven chooses to torture Lincoln for information after Octavia and Clarke beg for answers and after Bellamy and others have already tried torture, AND after Finn has had surgery (via Clarke) and has stopped breathing. The torture is not her first option and I think there is desperation in her actions, her tone & words (he’s all I have). She also puts HERSELF in danger for Finn - she starts a fight with other Skaikru in Camp Jaha and punches a guard who she was afraid would turn Finn over in 2x08. This gets her arrested and she only is safe because Abby is the Chancellor. With Murphy, I think that she does feel guilty about what she’s doing, but her loyalty (and guilt) to Finn outweighs it, and her desire to punish Murphy for her leg injury probably plays a part too. She’s willing to put herself in harm’s way, so she’ll put Murphy there because that’s even easier. I think this is an acceptable loss for her but she doesn’t take pleasure in it. Does this make her a bad person or a worse person than someone else on the show? We could have a big discussion about it, but I would venture that it doesn’t make her any different than a lot of others who are still alive. I would also venture that Raven’s motivations are complicated here - she loves Finn as her family but also feels guilty that he took the blame for something she did (the spacewalking). When I look at the scene in 2x08 where she suggests giving the Grounders Murphy, her face is pretty stony, but then she will not look Murphy in the eye over it - she knows what she’s doing is wrong. When Finn stops it, she looks resigned but not outraged, and she doesn’t really push for her plan. When Murphy walks by her looking at her VERY accusingly (because he definitely feels betrayed here), she won’t look at him then either. She’s not proud of her actions, but with subtext I feel like we can - and should - feel like she’s been backed into a corner on what to do. She TELLS Clarke, later in the episode, that she owes Finn her life. This is certainly a motivating factor, rather than Raven just being a bloodthirsty person. 

In S4, I could go on and on and on and on (and on and on and on) about the scenes between Raven & Murphy. But here I will just sum up to make the point - there is absolutely no misunderstanding that Raven deliberately and obviously chooses to forgive Murphy, both with actual words and with a hug. 

In 4x04, I also think it’s worth pointing out that Raven tries to stop Luna from escaping the beach and getting back into the boat - first with a gun & threat, but then she changes tactics and talks about the innocent lives that will be saved by Luna, like the child that Luna loved and lost. It’s subtext, yes, but I think this conversation is Raven’s recognition that her decision to deprive Adria of the medicine (by rationing it) was not the right choice and that Raven understands that people deserve a chance more than she did before. She even asks Luna “don’t you want to give them a chance?” and then she puts down the gun and gives Luna the choice to stay or leave, even though Raven knows it could result in humanity losing what they see as its last chance via the nightblood. She asks Luna for help to save the others, and in this conversation, Raven points out her own weakness - her leg, and that she “...can’t do it herself”. This is an echo of how she asked Wick for help before. She also tells Luna that it’s not her blood that defines her, it’s her heart. This is Raven actively breaking her own cycle of choosing logic over her emotion (not letting Adria have the medicine). This is such an important scene for her! Raven had very logical reasons for not wanting to use the medicine - she told them all to Abby and Raven believed them herself. But - in 4x03 Raven does show that she is affected by Abby’s emotional plea to have the medicine despite the logic. Raven gets teary over it and tries to distract herself with work. Later, she watches Adria die, and even knowing that Raven was RIGHT, that the medicine did NOT save Adria, she still feels awful, feels responsible and sad about it. Her logic may have been the right choice but she still lets herself be influenced enough by this that she’s willing to let Luna go even when it is NOT the logical choice. This is not a character who believes that her way is the only way, this is not a character who does not consider other people’s feelings. 

In 4x08 “God Complex”, Raven watches the results of the nightblood test on ‘Baylis’ and is clearly horrified. In fact, Raven questions Clarke & Abby in front of everyone when the possibility of more testing is on the table, certainly suggesting an opposition for someone else suffering. She expresses opposition to putting Emori in the chamber next, she gives Murphy the kind of look that suggests understanding and empathy for his situation, and she castigates Roan for calling Emori a slur. She makes the comparison to what Mt. Weather did when they want to take Luna’s bone marrow against her will. This is not a character that doesn’t put herself in other people’s shoes, this is not a character without empathy. She is siding with those in weaker positions, with less power, and she is using her voice to share their perspective here. In addition, I would like to point out that she listens to both Murphy and Luna in S4 when they give her suggestions about landing the rocket in order to help make the nightblood - so what if they aren’t technically smart in the same way she is. She listens and learns from them and that is how the solution is found. 

In S5, we see Raven interacting with all of Spacekru in ways that suggest there are no lingering big issues to divide them from the past. IE, she and Echo aren’t shown arguing about Mt. Weather, she and Monty aren’t shown arguing about what happened with ALIE, she doesn’t seem to be holding a grudge against Murphy for her leg. Their issues seem to be in the past. However, Raven absolutely is shown having GUILT for not getting them down to Earth already. In 5x01, Bellamy makes a comment/criticism about it and Raven clearly takes that to heart in reaction - we see that she blames herself and Emori sticks up for her saying that it’s not due to lack of trying. In 5x03, Raven tells Bellamy “It has to be me... please, let me get you all home.” She lies and is willing to sacrifice herself in order to save the rest of them, and death is on the table here - Bellamy says he left Clarke behind to die and that he won’t do that again, which brings it up, and Raven mentions it herself when Murphy stays behind with her, saying “dying alone would have sucked.” So Raven knows that death is absolutely a possibility of this choice. And once again, we see her taking Murphy’s suggestion about the Eligius criminals in favor of her choice, showing that she’s again open to changing her mind/listening to others. 

Also in S5, as soon as Raven finds out that Clarke is alive via the walkie-talkies, the FIRST thing she wants to tell her is thank you - to thank Clarke for saving their lives. Clearly this has weighed on her. This also does not suggest to me that there is any kind of grudge over Finn that Raven has been nursing - at least not one that is in the forefront of Raven’s mind. 

Obviously I could talk about this all day. But the whole point was for me to lay out some aspects of Raven’s character that I think show that she does possess character traits such as empathy, unselfishness, willingness to listen to others, and that I don’t think she holds other people to higher standards than she holds herself. Of course she gets angry at times, she might want her own way and yes, she may feel that she is smarter than other people (I would argue that she has reasons for this though! LOL!). BUT - this is because she’s a layered personality and she doesn’t exist on a one-dimensional plane. To me, Raven is actually one of the MOST forgiving people on the show (another example, in 2x08 she tells Finn they will always be family and he admonishes her not to let him off the hook so easily, acknowledging that he did her wrong), so it’s difficult to read commentary about her as an unforgiving figure. I tend to see the opposite of that, and while some if it may be because I love her, I also think I have made the point here that canon shows us that she IS very nuanced and quite forgiving. 

Well... like my stories, obviously I can go on! Better go back up and add one of those cut line thingies. Anyway, if you stuck with me this far, by now you are aware I love Raven. But hopefully you are also aware, if you didn’t already know it, that she’s awesome and there’s no way in heck that she’s selfish or unforgiving. If S6 decides to lean her towards more of those traits, then I would ask if these are plot devices or character motivations, because just like the best dad on the show agrees, “And I choose Raven Reyes over those three hacks any day and twice on Sunday.”

[pheacas]

“The Musical Fandom is Sexist” Response Post

I saw a post trying to express the thought that the musical fandom is sexist because there was a lack of f/f ships from @justiceforalanabeck, and although there is something in there, the execution was lackluster, at best, and I thought I would quickly run down a couple of reasons why I find that argument to be weak and a (slightly) more structured argument for my own personal opinion.

Original post (for reference I just didn’t want to reblog because it’s so long and there’s no ‘keep reading’ option on it): https://justiceforalanabeck.tumblr.com/post/182985916366/the-sexism-in-musical-fandoms

Summary of my thoughts I put at the end: There is a clear and slightly unsettling ratio between m/m and f/f ships within fandoms, but the ‘ships’ are not the end all be all of a fandom being ‘sexist’ and shows with women leads deserve more love, but there is still plenty of content created for the women that shouldn’t be discredited because it isn’t ‘ship related’.

My (6) main arguments against the original post:

I’ve heard people argue that Pinkberry is ‘toxic’ (which I can make an argument for just about any ship in popular fandoms), which can certainly keep it from becoming popular.  Although Jeremy and Michael have some toxic interactions in the show, particularly the middle, they’re clearly there for one another at the end of the day and are best friends and have nice relationships (although I’m indifferent on almost all BMC ships).  Chloe tried to screw Brooke’s boyfriend against his will and made Brooke not just feel like shit in that one instance, but constantly put Brooke down in general which she didn’t deserve.

Within the canon universe of Dear Evan Hansen, Zoe and Alana (Zolana) have zero canon interaction in the Broadway run.  Literally zero (unless you could the couple of audios where they interact for a moment in Arena Stage which I wouldn’t count since almost no one has actually listened to it).  I’m personally not a fan of Evan x Connor, but when it comes to it vs. Zolana, they at least interact for a moment in canon, and in the computer lab there is an opportunity where Connor does truly seem to be attempting to befriend Evan and it is established that, yes, they could have probably actually been friends if Connor hadn’t read Evan’s letter to himself and/or Evan didn’t bring Zoe up in it (although they would have still never gotten into a relationship).  Also, in canon, Zoe and Evan’s relationship is built completely by lies on Evan’s side, which is, again, extremely toxic (although it is a ship I prefer to Tree Bros outside of canon).  And also, it’s hard to say that the fandom is being sexist when that’s literally the only f/f ship, until you want to get into Heidi x Cynthia which is extremely weird territory.

The two shows you focused on have a male lead who the entire plot is centered around and focuses mainly on (with Michael also getting a good amount of solo time and being able to be called one of the ‘main characters’ along with Jeremy, Christine, and the Squip), so obviously the male lead is going to be more paired with people than other characters who don’t get as much focus on how they interact (in DEH we don’t go away from Evan’s perspective other than Anybody Have a Map and Requiem, which are Murphy family songs so no shipping there, and whenever we stray from Jeremy I feel like it’s more Michael’s part most of the time).

Heathers has never had a Broadway run and doesn’t have a long running production, so it makes sense it wouldn’t be ‘as popular’, although it certainly does have a fandom, it’s just doesn’t have as steady of a stream sometimes (and there is confusion under the tagging for Heathers and Mean Girls, as well, since they’re based off of a movie, although there still admittedly isn’t as much content, especially for Mean Girls, compared to the behemoths of DEH and BMC (although Heathers I think comes close to DEH)).  Plus, the hype train for BMC was really big in the summer because of off-Broadway, and West End revivals…  Don’t pick up as much traction (although the soundtrack coming out should bring more attention to it which I’m hyped for).

The use of Waitress as an argument for people not liking f/f is just…  Off because Waitress doesn’t appeal to a Tumblr fan nearly as much as other shows because it’s about a middle aged woman getting pregnant in an abusive relationship and cheating on her abusive husband with a man who is also married.  Wicked…  Also doesn’t appeal to a theatre fanbase that will write fan fiction nearly as much.

The Prom is another debatably iffy one because yes, it does really give us f/f on Broadway we need, but it puts many off because of how misleading it feels.  You think you’re walking in and the two lesbians will be the leads, but instead it’s a straight woman which can put people off (along with those first ten minutes I really like the show but not those first ten or so minutes).  Although again we still 100% need love for female-lead musicals and f/f in Broadway just don’t fake me out with the straights (although I understand why that needed to be added to prolong its survival in a business which throws out what the rich, old populous doesn’t like (which is why ETAJ and Bare will never make it to Broadway but that’s another topic in itself and a post for another day)).

My feelings on the situation: Looking at m/m vs f/f can give you a hint of how the fandom feels on female characters, but, in reality, that truly cannot be the be all end all when looking at a fandom.  It does such that we don’t get that sort of representation, but that doesn’t mean by itself that a fandom is sexist.  In most cases, these ships just make zero sense.  If we’re shipping something, there should be a slight basis behind it.  Galaxy Gals has nothing and Pinkberry has toxic interactions.

Waitress and Wicked don’t appeal to a Tumblr audience for the most part.  Mean Girls and the Prom are sadly left in the dirt compared to the other fandoms, but MG has a stigma around it by some of the big musical fans (including me) and the Prom just hasn’t gotten as popular because it doesn’t have a Broadway video more than anything (and those first ten or so minutes I legit clicked off the first time with my friend who is now a mega-Prom stan).  Heathers does have a good-sized fandom, but nothing big has happened to it compared to BMC and DEH.

Looking on Tumblr, though, you can find that the fandom still does appreciate the female characters.  Zoe, Christine, Alana, Brooke, etc. get a lot of fanart around them!  In fact, one of my trading friends named their trading stuff after a female character in BMC, and not Jeremy or Michael or whoever else!  The females do truly get attention in the fandom and calling them sexist really isn’t seeing the full picture.

Also, the part of the fandom who would be writing and reading this stuff is more younger girls, and they just have a tendency to prefer writing/reading about gay men over gay women and straight couples.  It could be seen as possibly sexism placed on themselves by the society they live in, but I think it’s just sort of a fetization of gay men that we’ve seen many times before (namely: Love Simon), mixed with the male leads get more development than their leading ladies and supporting actresses which just makes them easier/more interesting to write on because they’re already 3D.

But, yes, females in musicals and female-led musicals do deserve a lot more attention than they receive and it is sad that sometimes they don’t get the recognition they deserve, but calling the fandom ‘sexist’ for not writing f/f is just so wrong.

[storytimewithcort]

Early Morning

Fandom: Marvel, MCU

Basic Summary: Morning cuddles and smut...not much more to say than that

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Warnings: cuddles and smut with various sex acts, so nsfw all around. 

A/n: Again vaguely follows my last couple of stories (like Libraries and Late Night Snacks) but there is very little plot so it doesn’t really matter. Set prior to the 1st Thor movie, or just completely AU. There may be some grammatical errors, but I needed to post it, step away and then reread it in a day or two before I’ll be able to notice those issues. Also I hate naming fics 😛

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The bright sun coming through an open window cast enough light on you to arouse you from sleep. You groaned and turned away from the light, hiding your face in the closest thing you could find. This morning that happened to be the back of Loki's neck, nestling into ebony hair. Even though you were well aware you fell asleep in his bed last night and had no reason to be surprised, you were still not completely used to waking up beside someone else. You were however learning to enjoy the company quite a lot. Some might think things developed faster than they should have between you, but you didn't mind. The two of you danced around each other for so long before he actually made a move that you still felt like you were making up for lost time. Plus, he was nothing short of extraordinary. He was clever, and gorgeous, and oh so sexy. You couldn't help yourself even if you tried. 

The light was still too bright for your liking so you pulled the blanket up as far as you could, covering you face. In doing so the blanket half covered your companion's face as well. He swatted the blanket away and rolled over to see you closing your eyes tightly. "The sun won't go away." You mumbled weakly upon feeling him move.

"No, it does tend to stick around." He wrapped his arms around you pulling you into his chest. You allowed your self to bury your head there instead, breathing him in as you did.

"Don't want to be awake yet" you murmured against him. He let out a tuff of air in a sleepy sort of amusement. As much as he enjoyed the festivities that led to you entangled in his sheets by morning, he was finding that he might actually appreciate the grumbling, cuddly person you were in the morning even more. Not that he'd ever admit it. You never wanted to leave bed, always clinging to him or hiding in blankets in hope of finding a few more moments of the peace that sleep could bring. Everything about you in these early hours was adorable.  Loki never thought he would like 'adorable' but when it came to you, he most certainly did. 

You shuddered at the feeling of fingers that glided up and down your bare back, drawing random shapes as they went.  It felt heavenly and soon your were pressing against him, humming in appreciation. You reveled in his movements for a few moments before he spoke up.

"I am afraid that there is quite a lot I am obligated to do today, I won't be able to spend much time with you." 

"Boo" you pouted raising your head enough to look up at him, opening your eyes the bare minimum needed to see him clearly. "Do the illusion tricky thing and stay in bed with me all day." 

You could feel his warm chuckle through his chest. "First off, it isn't just a 'tricky thing' and more importantly, my mother would instantly know if I tried that in front if her. Plus, we have been holed up in my room since yesterday afternoon. We really should get out and move around." 

"Boo, you're no fun in the morning." You roll on your back and place an arm over your eyes. "Where's my trouble maker?" 

With you arm shielding your eyes from the sun, you allow him to shift over to straddle you from above without you noticing until you feel his weight bearing down around you. He moved your arm away to peer down at you. "Now now little one, if you tempt me, I could find plenty of ways to lock you up in this room all day waiting for me to return. I could even tie you to this very bed. Would that be enough trouble for you?" 

"I'm the one who implied I wanted to stay in bed all day." You mused, challenging him.

He matched your mischievous grin and the sight stirred up feelings inside you. You raised an eyebrow, further challenging him and he easily took the bait. Grabbing both of your wrists and pulling your arms above your head, now completely trapping you beneath him. 

"I do have some time before anyone will be expecting me." He practically purred, keeping your wrists together with one hand so he could run the other down your arm to your neck. As his fingers danced over one side of your neck, he leaned down and kissed the other side. You instinctively tilted your head towards his touch to allow his lips more room. You gasped when your movement resulted in Loki biting down on your neck. The slight twinge of pain surged through your body awakening any part that still clung to sleep. You couldn't help but shift under him. Your hands pulled against his, but he held strong. You wiggled your hips and felt him pressed there against you, pushing down even more as he felt you move. Blessed that neither of you bothered to redress yourselves last night. He sucked on that same spot for a moment before pulling away to look down at you.  

He took his time dragging his eyes down your body, wondering silently how this ethereal beauty was so willing to lay with him. A surge of pride washing over him as you squirmed excitedly beneath his watch, chest raising with your heavy breaths as you looked up at him with an amatory gaze.

When his lips came crashing down to capture your own you couldn't stop the helpless sound that escaped your throat.  Your hands pulled again against his, wanting to feel him under your own touch so badly, but he still held strong. He kissed you mercilessly, never breaking the kiss as he suddenly did let go of your wrists. You were so pleased you went to reach up into his hair, but you couldn't. It felt as it he was still holding your wrists tight despite both of his hands running down the sides of your body. You pulled one last time before realizing.

"Not fair!" You said against his lips. "I want to touch, I want to feel you" How dare he use his magic like this. You were ready to yell at him some more, when he sat back enough that he would trail fingers along the most sensitive part of your inner thigh. The feeling was distracting to say the least.

"This is what you wanted, is it not?" His hand continuing to slide up your thigh almost to the apex between your legs before gliding back, "I have no doubt you will still be able to feel me. If I do my part right, which I intend to, you will feel quite a lot of me."

Between his teasing touches and wicked words your mind was getting hazy. It wasn't like the sleepy feelings you had a few minutes ago, but a strong lustful haze that threatened to take you over. You twitched against him the next time his fingers came close to your center.  You tried your best to nudge your hips closer to his hands until he took pity on you, ghosting a feather light touch across your core.  

His fingers pressed the barest amount of pressure across the place you wanted it the most. He gently ran a finger around your clit before removing his hand, catching your eyes again. "Is this alright?"

You smiled genuinely up at him. No matter how seductive he was and no matter how obvious it was that you craved him in this way, he still always checked before things got too far. The fact that your consent was so important to him was so heartwarming. It was so sexy in it own way. You answered him truthfully,  "Always."

With that his wicked smirk returned and with out warning a slender finger glided down your folds and slid effortlessly inside you. You gasped at the sudden intrusion. Flexing your arms against his invisible hold again, so desperate to touch him. Yet as he looked down at you, watching the ease of which his finger could slide in and out, the absolute adoration and lust in his eyes made you relax your arms. The desire to feel him with your own hands didn't fade, but you trusted him to take care of you. He had promised to let you feel him after all and you didn't doubt he would do a damn good job of that. If he wanted control, you'd give him all the control he graved. At least for now.

When you stopped focusing on your hands and started to focus on his, everything changed. The sensation of Loki's movements became stronger. You felt him easily slip a second finger along the first and it was euphoric. The drag of his fingers and the way they flexed and curled had you panting in no time. The moment his thumb rubbed against your clit you lost yourself, bucking your hips into his hand. Never before had an orgasm hit you so suddenly. You closed your eyes and reveled in the bliss while Loki continued the circular pressure against your clit.  

You heard him chuckled warmly as you tried to calm your breathing. "Had enough, love?"

Your mind was almost too fogged to answer, but you found your voice, "Not even close."

"That's my girl"

Loki kissed you slowly then, attempting you both a moment to cool off. You noticed now that he was very hard against you thigh. You moved your leg up a bit to rub against his cock best you could. The resulting growl prompted you to move your leg again. He didn't stop kissing you, but the kisses became faster and sloppier as he bucked his hips against you a few times. You thought maybe this could be the beginning of the end and at this very moment you wouldn't even mind simply rutting against each other like teenagers until you both got off. But Loki's hips soon stilled, with what you could tell was a great amount of self restraint on his end. 

He trailed messy kisses down your jaw to your neck, paying special attention to the darkening mark he left earlier. As he continued his way down your body, every inch of skin that his lips touched felt on fire. You concentrated on the invisible trail left by his lips as he kissed down the valley between your breasts and then lower. 

He paused briefly at the juncture of your hip and left thigh to suck another mark on the sensitive skin there. His fingers again finding your center. You couldn't help but moan and writhe your hips as you felt the tingle of sweet pain mixed with the growing ecstasy as he rubbed little circles over your clit. This time harder and faster than before. After he was satisfied with his newest mark upon you, he continued his descent.

When he reached his goal, Loki wasted no time. He licked one long path up the entirety of your entrance, along your folds until he reached the little nub on top, replacing his own fingers with a determined tongue. You wiggled and pressed you hips up to his face as best you could, but he quickly placed an arm across your hips holding them down. 

You felt so consumed by the feeling of Loki sucking on your clit. You breathed out his name over and over, as it was the only thing your mind was aware of. The room around you, the entire palace, your entrapped wrists, and even the forsaken sun all disappeared like they never existed to begin with. All you could focus on, all that mattered, was they way his arm draped over your hip as his hand gripped the side of you hip, his other hand kneading your inner thigh as he alternated between sucking hard and swirling his tongue over your small nub.

You could feel the buzzing of your senses as another orgasm steadily built up. He nestled down enough to lick strips up and down your folds before returning to his sucking administrations on your clit and you were so close again to crashing through that invisible gate holding your orgasm back. Everything felt so extraordinary. You panted, "Loki I-"

You closed your eyes tight, prepared to let the ecstasy wash over you, but it didn't come. In fact, every ounce of the sublime simulation you were just basking in was gone. You opened your eyes again to see Loki staring down, having sat back up and lifted his arms from you. He was staring at you with the most mischievous smirk.

"This time, I want you to wait for me, my love." He said as he used both hands to spread your legs apart more, before leaning down to kiss you. His kiss was deep and fierce, you couldn't help but return it full force as well. He adjusted his hips to fit perfectly within your own and with no other warning he plunged himself into you with one slick motion. 

You gasped in a large breath through your kiss at the feel of him. The stretch was as glorious as ever. He didn't move for a minute, opting to simply continue kissing you. When a few moments pasted Loki broke the kiss to look at you, that mischievous grin back in place, one eye brow raised issuing another challenge between the two of you. 

You nodded.

His lips were on your again as he began a quick pace with his hips. Each thrust fast, but also firm and deliberate. He lifted your hips enough to pull you in closer to him. The slight change in angle radiated pleasure through you. He continued his strong pace, hitting every nerve inside you. 

Every one of his movements pulsed pleasure from you. You moaned loudly, barely able to concentrate on both the lips against your own and the cock pulsating inside you. You wrapping your legs around Loki's hips as you arched your back. 

"That's it love, give in." He said, voice husky against your lips. 

He sounded as wrecked as you felt. It only made everything feel so much more intense knowing he was as devoured by the same pleasure and desire as you were. He didn't pull his lips away, but lacked the ability to kiss you properly. Instead you both breathed the same air with heavy and uneven breaths as you rode your mutual enjoyment. Never once did Loki's eyes leave your own. His pace soon became staggered. He growled out your name and the desperation in his tone was enough for you. You squeezed your legs around him as tight as you could as you cried out. You pulsed around him as your orgasm flooded your mind and body. It was so much more intense than the first and you couldn't help but rub your hips up against him as you chased that incredible feeling.

Between hearing your sweet noises and the sensation of you falling apart around his cock, Loki easily followed you into that bliss. He grunted and squeezed your hips hard as he jerked and emptied himself inside you. Murmuring, "yes, gods yes" as he reveled in the feeling. 

After a silent movement of you both simply breathing and enjoying the sweet aftermath of it all, he gently placed your hips back down on the mattress and waved a hand in a small flourish beside your body. You felt the invisible weight being lifted from wrists. You quickly rolled your wrists a bit to alleviate the stiffness they felt. As Loki slipped out of you and made to get up completely, you used your new freed hands to grab him and keep him close. 

 "Give me five more minutes, please." You requested quietly. 

He smiled softly at the return of your adorable morning cuddles, "How about two minutes? Then I start you a bath so you can join me in the bathroom while I get ready for what will be a tedious day."

"Perfect" you agreed before pulling him into a kiss. "Meet back here tonight?" 

"Obviously."  

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