#this is your second time being mentioned in an ask and if it happens a third time Im sensing a patter LOL

[nuemanfilms]

NORMALITY FEELS UNREAL

s.w

summary sam’s always wanted normal, now that he has it, he’s in complete awe that’s it real. It’s real that he’s going to be a lawyer, and you’re going to be his wife.

content contains: brief mention of family, stanford!au, prelaw!sam, fiancé!fem!reader, sam finally getting his apple pie life, brief mention of stressed!sam, fem!reader and sam live together, smut, unprotected sex, piv, AFAB!fem!reader, softdom!sam, slight sub!sam, sam being an absolute gentleman, pet names (sweetheart, baby, honey), sam just got out of the shower, morning sex, mentions of sam always waking up early, top!sam, lots and lots of kissing, affection is so key, so much love it’s driving me crazy, etc.

notes oh my god, 1k, one-thousand of you, i’m actually in awe. can’t even begin to describe how grateful and amazing u all are, anyway, cooked this up last minute, incredibly lovey-dovey.

wc 1.4k

Sam wanted normal, he’d wanted normal all his life. Now that he had it, he didn’t know what to do but be in awe.

You met Sam on his first week of Stanford, the fond smile that lingered on your lips that day was now something he got to see all the time. He couldn’t even begin on how to start, and neither could you. Even with all the clumsy things you’d both done together, all the time you’d spent on a saturday night studying for an exam instead of partying with the frats — it was all worth it. There wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do for you.

You remembered how nervous you both were, Sam himself barely able to get the question out of if you’d like to have dinner with him, and you said yes. Explaining how happy you were that he called, you still held a pink glow to your cheeks every time you woke up next to him.

The day he got the interview, changed the course of his life. It changed both of your lives. He was going to become a lawyer, just like he’d always wanted.

A few weeks after that, he asked you to spend your life with him. Sam Winchester, asked you to be his wife, and you said yes.

Even with all of the stories you both were told growing up about fairytales, one thing you both could agree on was never believing it’d ever happen. But here you were, a diamond ring on your finger. Soon to take the boy you met in stanford’s last name.

Sam never did mention specifics of his family, but he answered every question you asked. You knew he was stressed about you meeting his family, it’s been six years since he’d last seen any of them. You knew he had a bumpy relationship with his brother, but you also knew how much Sam wanted to see the elder Winchester. Dean was family, and also soon to be yours.

You still laid in bed as Sam showered, he always got up this early. The clock on the bedside table read: 8:34AM. You’d guess Sam got up less than twenty minutes ago, since the shower still ran.

You heard the shower curtain open, then close. Then rang the voice of your fiancé, “You can go back to sleep, Honey. We don’t have to get up and ready until noon.” you could hear the smile in his voice. He knew you were stubborn though, most likely already getting out of the bed.

The doorknob twisted and Sam let out a chuckle as he watched your tired frame walk in. He smiled down at you, a smile curling up on your own lips.

“You’re extra cheery,” You commented, his lips brushed against your temples before trailing down to your own. You could practically feel him smiling as he kissed you.

It started off gentle, you both didn’t even seem to realize how urgent it got that quickly. It’s not like you could think straight though, you’d just woke up and now you were being eased back into the bed with a large hand gripping your hip.

“You just woke up and you’re already this needy to get on me, baby?” He teased before getting cut off by his own groan when he felt your hips press into his own. Sam could practically feel the heat radiating off your core, and it just made him even more desperate.

Sam’s lips broke away from yours for a split second, leaving you to start giving a protest before he started to leave open-mouthed kisses at the skin of your neck. His hands wandered everywhere he could reach, trying to pull as many sounds as he could from your lips even without that much contact.

Of course, it was working.

Sam’s hands slid the hem of your shirt up your body ever so slightly, revealing the skin of your stomach. He practically moaned at the lace that was hidden beneath the oversized shirt you wore, “Can I?” You didn’t understand how the man was asking at this point. Especially on how you were already spread out for him, “Yeah.” Sam’s hands lifted the fabric up and off your body. Discarding the T-Shirt somewhere in the bedroom. You could feel the hardness pressing against your thigh, your leg wrapped around his waist. Pulling him further against your core, “Fuck, let me get these off first, baby.” Sam said through gritted teeth.

You felt his fingers tugging at the hem of your panties, pulling them off and away. You felt a shiver run up your spine at the cool air hitting your exposed skin. Sam’s lips molded against yours again, swallowing your moans as his finger ran up your slit. Collecting your arousal on his middle finger just with one swipe.

You were soaked, and as much as Sam wanted to take it slow — it seemed you were too needy for the foreplay.

“Mm, as much as I love your fingers, please fuck me, Sam…” Sam let out another chuckle, nodding his head. “Yeah, yeah. I got you, sweetheart.”

One hand steadied on your hip while the other guided himself to your entrance, for a moment, Sam just looked down at you mesmerized. In pure awe that he had you beneath him like this. It was unreal, it always had been.

His lips were on yours within seconds when he started to push inside of you, trying to distract you from the temporary pain. Your nails clawed at his back, Sam let out a groan into your mouth. He pulled away, nuzzling his face into your neck while his lips pressed tender kisses against your flesh.

“God, you feel so good, baby. So good for me, just a little more, yeah?” His voice was so syrupy sweet, you were so focused on it that you didn’t even realize he wasn’t even fully inside of you yet. This wasn’t your first time with him, but fuck, it felt like it everytime. You could feel every inch, every single inch of him filling you. You were so in bliss, you couldn’t even make a sound.

Sam on the other end was in ths same amount of bliss, maybe even more. You felt perfect every single time. He couldn’t get tired of this, he’d never get tired of you. He fucking loved every second of it, every second he spent.

“M-Move, please.” Your voice sounded almost like a whisper when the plea left your lips. His hips snapped, pulling a gasp from you. Your moans filled the room within seconds when he started to move.

The spews of curses mixing along with the obscene sound of skin on skin filled the bedroom. Your nails scratched down his skin, leaving red streaks in their wake.

“You’re so goddamn perfect like this, so gorgeous- fuck… you feel so good on my dick, baby.” Sam praised, his teeth grazed the skin of your collarbone before he bit down. His tongue then soothing over the mark beginning to form.

Every moan, every cry, everytime Sam felt you squeeze around him had him in a trance. He felt your fingers tangle in his locks, tugging on them to steady yourself.

“Sam-“ You gasped out, you could feel the knot beginning to build in your abdomen. Sam knew you were close, his hips driving into you faster, harder. He pressed a kiss to your lips again, “I know, I know you are. ‘m almost there, honey, okay? Fuck, please just let me fuck you- just a few more, please, baby.” He sounded so desperate, so desperate to keep going.

You let him, and the thought of how spent he was pushing you to the brink of made him throb inside of you. Sam moaned, and you swore you’d have it tattooed in your brain forever.

“C’mon, cum for me. I know you can, you always can, sweetheart. I got you,” You cried out, your walls spasming around him as you came. His hips slowed, but kept a pace just enough to work you through your orgasm. Sam’s littered kisses all over your jawline, his own hips starting to stutter before he spilled himself inside of you.

You stayed like that for a moment, your breaths were both heavy. Yet it was almost like Sam was checking if you were real, if you were really there with him.

“I’m right here, Sammy.” You reminded him, pulling him out of his daze. He buried his face in your neck, mumbling a small ‘I know’.

[the-winter-spider]

Under Pressure | Part 3

Modern!Bucky x reader AU

Word Count:3.8k

Warnings: Mentions of su!cide attempt, depression, angst

A/N: TB to when this was suppose to only be one long ass cliff hanger fic lol

Masterpost

----

The flashing red and blue lights from the emergency vehicles cast harsh, flickering shadows through the window. The apartment felt heavy, suffocatingly silent except for the muffled voices of police officers speaking quietly near the door.

Sam took the stairs two at a time, his heart pounding in his chest. He could feel the weight of dread pressing down on him, cold and unforgiving, all the what ifs racing through his mind. When he reached your door, he froze for half a second, taking in the scene—the paramedics gone, the cops now lingering, and Bucky.

Bucky was sitting on your couch, his head bowed, his elbows braced on his knees. His hands were clasped together so tightly they were shaking, his knuckles white. He didn’t look up when Sam stepped inside.

“Buck,” Sam said, his voice hesitant, already cracking.

Slowly, Bucky turned his head, his red-rimmed eyes meeting Sam’s. They were hollow, haunted, like he wasn’t entirely there, looking at him like you were no longer here.

“No, no, no,” Sam muttered under his breath, panic creeping into his voice as he moved toward him.

Bucky’s face crumpled, and he buried it in his hands, a sound breaking out of him that Sam had never heard before. It wasn’t a sob; it was deeper, more guttural, like the sound of someone being torn apart.

Sam’s stomach dropped, his legs shaky as he turned to one of the officers. “Where is she?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

The cop opened his mouth to respond, but Sam couldn’t hear him. His own heartbeat was too loud, a deafening thrum in his ears. He stumbled closer, his voice louder this time, more desperate. “Where is she? Is she alive?”

One of the officers, a woman with a calm but tired demeanor, stepped forward. “Yes,” she said firmly. “She’s alive. The paramedics got her heart beating again before they transported her to the hospital.”

Sam’s knees nearly buckled as the tension in his body released slightly. He turned back to Bucky, whose head was still in his hands. “She’s alive, man,” Sam said, his voice shaking. “You hear that? She’s alive.”

Bucky nodded faintly, but it was like he couldn’t fully absorb the words. He just stared at the floor, tears streaking down his face.

Sam sank onto the couch beside him, leaning forward to catch his breath. “Can we have a minute?” he asked the officers, his voice raw.

The female officer nodded. “We have everything we need. We’ll be outside to make sure the apartment gets locked up before you leave.” She paused, her voice softening. “Fifteen minutes.”

Sam nodded, pulling out his phone with trembling hands and sending a quick text to Steve:

Sam: Code red. Something happened to y/n. Meet us at the ER..

He turned to Bucky, who still hadn’t moved. Sam hesitated for a moment, then pulled him into a hug, wrapping his arms tightly around his friend. Bucky didn’t react at first, but then he let out a broken sob, clinging to Sam like he was the only thing keeping him grounded.

“What happened, Buck?” Sam asked gently, his voice low but steady.

Bucky pulled back slightly, his hands shaking as he gestured toward the floor. “She was there,” he said, his voice trembling. “Right there.” His finger pointed to the spot where the paramedics had worked on you. “She was gone. She… she was dead, Sam. I saw her, she was dead…she died.”

Sam’s throat tightened, his eyes darting to the empty pill bottle sitting on the coffee table. He felt like the air had been sucked out of the room.

“Was it…?” Sam started, his voice faltering. “Was it an attempt?”

Bucky shook his head violently, his jaw clenching as he tried to force the words out. “It wasn’t an attempt,” he said bitterly, his voice cracking. “She was successful.” His shoulders shook as another sob broke free. “She was gone, Sam. They—they were gonna call it.”

Sam’s chest tightened painfully, tears burning in his eyes as he stared at his friend. “Oh, my God.”

“I made them try again,” Bucky said, his voice barely above a whisper. His hands trembled as he gripped his knees. “I begged them. Told them to go one more time. Just one more. And they… they brought her back. But, Sam, I…” He choked on his words, shaking his head. “I lost her. She was gone.”

Sam reached out, gripping Bucky’s shoulder tightly. “She’s not gone, Buck. She’s alive.”

Bucky’s breath hitched, his tears falling harder. “But she doesn’t want to be! What if she…” He trailed off, his voice breaking completely.

Sam’s own tears slipped down his cheeks as he shook his head. “We’re not gonna let that happen,” he said firmly. “We’re gonna be there for her. Every step of the way.”

Bucky nodded weakly, his shoulders slumping as he leaned into Sam’s side, utterly spent.

The two of them sat in silence for a moment, the weight of everything pressing down on them. The apartment was quiet now, the flashing lights from outside casting eerie patterns across the walls.

----

The fluorescent lights of the hospital waiting room buzzed faintly, casting a cold, sterile glow over the space. The chairs were stiff and uncomfortable, arranged in neat rows that felt far too orderly for the chaos swirling in Bucky’s mind.

He sat slumped forward, his elbows resting on his knees, his head bowed as his hands fidgeted with a fraying thread on his jeans. His breathing was shallow, fast, his shoulders tight with tension. Every now and then, he glanced at the doors leading to the emergency ward, willing someone to walk through them and tell him you were okay. He hoped that maybe this would just be some sick nightmare because that's what it felt like.

Sam sat beside him, quiet but not calm, his knee bouncing restlessly as he stared at the floor. He kept glancing at Bucky, unsure if he should say something, do something, but the sheer anguish radiating from his friend made him hesitate. Sam was crushed, you were one of his best friends, he knew he should have tried more but at the same time he felt like he had. He kept replaying all the most recent moments he had spent with you, analyzing everything, how could he have not noticed any of the signs, he was trained to look for the signs.

The sound of hurried footsteps pulled Sam’s attention, and he looked up to see Steve and Natasha rushing into the waiting room. Natasha’s red hair was slightly disheveled, her face pale and pinched with worry, while Steve’s brows were furrowed in confusion and concern.

“Bucky!” Steve called, his voice sharp as his eyes scanned his friend. “Sam! What the hell is going on? What happened? Was she in an accident?”

Bucky didn’t look up. He didn’t even flinch at Steve’s voice. He stayed hunched over, his jaw clenched tightly.

Sam cleared his throat, his voice shaky as he tried to find the right words. “No,” he said quietly, his gaze dropping to the floor.

“Then what?” Steve demanded, his frustration and fear mounting. “What happened? Why are we here?”

Sam hesitated, glancing at Bucky before looking back at Steve. His throat tightened as the words clawed their way out. “You remember high school? When Bucky told us Y/N… got sad? Like, really sad? And sometimes…” His voice cracked, and he swallowed hard, forcing himself to continue. “She didn’t wanna be alive anymore?”

Steve’s expression shifted instantly, his eyes widening as the memory slammed into him. “Yeah, I remember,” he said, his voice low, almost a whisper. “But she was getting better, right? She was…” He trailed off, his gaze darting between Sam and Bucky, desperate for reassurance. “She was getting better. Right?”

Sam’s lips quivered, and he shook his head slightly, the weight of his next words crushing him. “She tried to, Steve,” he said, his voice breaking. “She tried to.”

Steve froze, his face contorting with a mix of shock and disbelief. “What?” he breathed, his voice barely audible. “I… I need to hear it, Sam. Tell me what happened.”

Sam looked over at Bucky, who still hadn’t moved. His face was blank, but his knuckles were white as he gripped the edge of his jeans.

“She tried to take her life,” Sam said finally, his voice trembling with the effort it took to say the words.

“No,” Natasha whispered, her voice breaking as she shook her head violently. “No, no, no. She wouldn’t…”

“She did,” Bucky said suddenly, his voice sharp and bitter as he lifted his head. His eyes were bloodshot, his expression filled with anger and pain. “And you’re shocked? Really? After what you said to her? After the way you dismissed her?”

Natasha flinched as if she’d been slapped. “Bucky—”

“No!” he snapped, standing abruptly. His voice was louder now, filled with years of pent-up frustration and guilt. “You told her you didn’t want to be her friend anymore because she couldn’t show up for you. You told her she wasn’t there for your brightest moments, and then you walked away. You fucking walked away. We all walked away!” ”

“Bucky, stop, it's no one's fault, we couldn’t have seen it coming.” Steve said, his voice calm but firm, stepping forward, but Bucky turned on him too, his chest heaving.

“Are you kidding me? We're all at fault! Were shitty fucking friends!” Bucky shouted, his voice breaking as he pointed toward the emergency doors. “None of us saw it coming because we were all too busy pretending she was fine!”

Sam stood, placing a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “Bucky, stop,” he said softly, his own voice thick with emotion. “She wouldn’t want us turning on each other.”

Bucky let out a bitter, hollow laugh, his shoulders shaking. “She didn’t want any of this, Sam! She didn’t want life, and she didn’t want us. She wanted to leave, and she almost—” His voice cracked, and he turned away, running a hand down his face as tears spilled over.

Natasha stepped forward, tears streaming down her cheeks as she looked at Bucky. “Where is she?” she asked, her voice trembling. “What exactly happened?”

Bucky didn’t turn around. His hands gripped the back of one of the waiting room chairs so tightly it creaked under the pressure.

“They worked on her,” he said, his voice hollow. “She was gone. Right there on her living room floor.” He gestured toward the floor as if he were still standing in your apartment. “She was dead, Nat. I begged them to try one more time, and they did, and… and she came back.”

Natasha’s hand flew to her mouth, a muffled sob escaping as she stumbled back into Steve’s arms.

Steve held her tightly, his own tears pooling in his eyes as he looked at Bucky. “So she’s alive?” he asked, his voice unsteady.

Bucky nodded, his back still to them. “She’s alive. Barely.”

The room fell silent, the weight of his words settling over them like a storm cloud. No one spoke for a long moment, the only sound the faint hum of hospital machinery in the distance.

Finally, Sam cleared his throat, his voice steady but quiet. “We’re here now. For her. For each other. We’ll figure this out. Together.”

Bucky didn’t respond. He just nodded, his shoulders slumping as he sank back into the chair. His hands shook as he rubbed his face, the weight of everything pressing down on him like a vice.

The waiting room was thick with tension, Bucky sat slumped in his chair, his head in his hands, tears streaking down his face as he tried to hold himself together. Sam sat beside him, occasionally glancing toward the emergency doors, his leg bouncing nervously. Steve and Natasha were across from them, Natasha’s hands clasped tightly in her lap, her knuckles white as her nails dug into her palms.

When the door finally opened, all four of them looked up simultaneously, their breath hitching as a doctor stepped inside. The doctor was a middle-aged man with a kind but exhausted expression, his white coat slightly wrinkled, a clipboard tucked under one arm.

“Bucky Barnes?” he asked, glancing around the room.

Bucky’s heart stopped for a moment before he slowly raised his hand. “That’s me,” he said, his voice hoarse from crying.

The doctor nodded, stepping closer. “You’re listed as Y/N’s emergency contact.”

Bucky’s stomach twisted at those words, his mind racing. He managed a faint nod. “How… how is she?” he asked, his voice shaking.

The doctor let out a slow breath, his expression calm but serious. “She’s stable,” he said carefully. “But it was touch and go for a while. We lost her a few times… one of those times was for over two minutes. But she has a stable heartbeat now, and she’s breathing on her own.”

Relief crashed over the group like a wave, but it was short-lived as the doctor’s somber tone lingered.

“Is she going to be okay?” Sam asked, his voice tentative.

The doctor sighed, his gaze heavy. “It’s difficult to say. Every situation like this is unique, and every individual responds differently. We’re not sure what the long-term effects will be, if any. Losing oxygen for even a couple of minutes can cause brain damage. Right now, it’s impossible to know.”

Natasha let out a shaky breath, her hand flying to her mouth as tears spilled from her eyes.

“And from a psychological standpoint…” The doctor hesitated, his gaze softening. “When patients wake up after an attempt, their reactions can vary greatly. Some experience extreme distress or hysterics and require heavy monitoring. Others find a renewed meaning in life. And… some don’t wake up at all.”

Bucky leaned back in his chair, his chest heaving as fresh tears rolled down his cheeks. He rubbed his hands over his face, trying and failing to steady his breathing.

“We have to stay optimistic,” the doctor added gently. “She’s alive, and she’s fighting. That’s what matters right now.”

Sam nodded, swallowing hard. “Can we see her?”

The doctor gave a small smile. “Of course. I’ll take you to her room.”

They stood as one, following the doctor down the long, sterile hallway. The beeping of monitors and the faint hum of machinery grew louder as they approached the ICU. When they reached your room, the doctor pushed the door open and stepped aside to let them in.

The sight of you stole the breath from their lungs.

You were lying in the hospital bed, pale and still, your lips tinged with a faint bluish hue. Wires and tubes were connected to your body, machines beeping steadily to monitor your vitals. You looked lifeless, and for a moment, it was hard to believe the doctor’s words—She’s stable. She’s alive.

The doctor cleared his throat softly. “I’ll give you some time,” he said, his voice kind, before stepping out and closing the door behind him.

For a moment, no one moved. The weight of the moment pressed down on them, suffocating and unrelenting.

Bucky broke first.

He crumpled into the chair beside your bed, his face burying in his hands as sobs wracked his body. His shoulders shook violently, and the sound of his crying filled the small room. “This is all my fault..”

Sam crouched beside him, his hand resting on Bucky’s back. “Buck,” he said softly, his own voice thick with emotion. “It’s not your fault, man.”

Bucky shook his head, his hands gripping his hair. “I should’ve been there,” he choked out. “Why wasn’t I there? Why did I leave her alone?”

“Bucky, stop,” Steve said gently, stepping forward. “You can’t blame yourself for this”

Bucky’s head snapped up, his tear-streaked face twisted in anguish. “She told me to go, and I did, I left her! I knew she was getting bad again, I knew! I knew…”

“Buck—” Sam started, but Bucky cut him off, his voice rising in desperation.

“I love her,” he said, the words spilling out like a confession, raw and unfiltered. “I love her, and I never told her. And now she might leave without knowing. She might leave without ever knowing how much I love her.”

Natasha stepped forward, tears streaming down her face. “We all love her, Bucky,” she said softly, her voice shaking. “We’re all here for her.”

“No, you don’t get it!” Bucky snapped, standing abruptly and pacing the small space. His hands were shaking, his chest heaving as he struggled to get the words out. “I don’t just love her. I’m in love with her. I’ve always been in love with her. And now I might never get the chance to tell her. I love her so much.."

The room fell silent, his confession hanging heavy in the air.

Bucky turned back to the bed, his knees buckling as he sank into the chair again. He reached out, his trembling hand brushing against yours where it rested limply on the bed.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice breaking. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. Please don’t leave. Please wake up. I need you to wake up.”

His tears fell onto your hand as he gripped it tightly, his head bowed as he cried. The others stood quietly, their own tears falling as they watched the man who had always been their rock crumble under the weight of his grief.

And in the suffocating silence of the room, they waited.

---

The bass from the club’s speakers vibrated through the floor, the air thick with the smell of sweat, spilled drinks, and perfume. The neon lights pulsed in time with the music, casting flashes of pink and blue across the packed dance floor. You were pressed against the bar with Steve, Natasha, and Sam, all of you laughing and slightly tipsy, the heat of the club buzzing in your veins.

Natasha leaned in close, her red hair glowing under the club lights. “I can’t believe you didn’t want to celebrate your birthday!” she yelled over the music, grinning as she waved at the bartender. “This is the best idea we’ve had in forever!”

You rolled your eyes, but you couldn’t stop the smile spreading across your face. “You dragged me here!” you shouted back, laughing as Steve handed you a drink.

“And you’re welcome!” Natasha quipped, smirking as she threw her arm around you.

The DJ’s voice suddenly boomed over the music, catching your attention. “Alright, alright, alright! We’ve got a special shoutout tonight!”

Your stomach dropped, and you immediately turned to Natasha, your eyes narrowing. “What did you do?”

“Not me but..” Natasha grinned wickedly, handing you a shot. “You’re gonna need this,” she said, her tone gleeful.

“Wait, wait—” you started, but the DJ’s voice interrupted.

“We’ve got a birthday girl in the house! Y/N, this one’s for you baby!”

The crowd erupted into cheers and whistles, strangers clapping and screaming like they all knew you personally.

“Oh my God,” you groaned, throwing back the shot Natasha had handed you. The burn hit your throat just as the opening notes of Under Pressure blared through the speakers.

“No. No, no, no,” you said, shaking your head and laughing in disbelief. “Where is Bucky?”

As if on cue, you spotted him weaving through the crowd, a huge grin plastered across his face, his eyes shining with excitement. His hair was a little messy, his shirt slightly damp from the heat of the club, but he looked like he didn’t have a care in the world.

“Bucky, you didn’t!” you yelled as he reached you, your laughter bubbling over.

“Of course I did! It's our song!” he shouted back, grabbing your hand. “C’mon, birthday girl!”

Before you could protest, he was pulling you toward the middle of the dance floor. The crowd seemed to part for him, the sweaty bodies making just enough room for the two of you.

As the iconic beat dropped, the two of you threw your heads back and screamed out the lyrics, your voices barely audible over the music but full of pure joy.

“Pressure, pushing down on me…”

Bucky’s hand never left yours, spinning you around as you both jumped and danced wildly, laughing so hard you could barely catch your breath. Every so often, he’d lean in close to shout a particularly dramatic lyric, his smile so big it made your chest ache with happiness.

By the time the song ended, both of you were panting, your faces flushed from the exertion and the heat of the club. The crowd around you roared with approval, and for a moment, it was just the two of you standing there, grinning at each other like idiots.

Bucky’s expression shifted slightly, his smile softening as his eyes searched yours. The noise of the club seemed to fade into the background, and for a split second, the world felt still.

“Hey, um” he said, his voice quieter now, barely audible over the next song. “I—”

“What?” you asked, leaning closer to hear him.

He opened his mouth to speak again, but before he could, Sam appeared out of nowhere, throwing his arm around your shoulders.

“Birthday shots, let’s go!” Sam shouted, steering you back toward the bar with a wide grin.

You giggled, letting Sam guide you through the crowd, but you glanced back at Bucky over your shoulder. He was still standing there, watching you leave, his hand hanging in the air like he’d been about to reach for you.

For a moment, he just stood there, his lips parting slightly before he whispered to himself, “I love you.”

You stopped, turning to look at him with a laugh. “Are you coming?”

Bucky’s face broke into a soft smile, the kind that made your heart flutter in a way you didn’t want to analyze.

“With you? Anywhere,” he said, weaving through the crowd to catch up with you.

As he reached your side, his hand brushed against yours, lingering for just a moment longer than necessary. As the night went on, filled with shots, laughter, and dancing, that moment stayed with him, etched into his memory like a perfect snapshot of a life he didn’t want to imagine without you.

[puckinghischier]

hi there, English is not my first language but I hope you will understand me.I have a request for a nico one shot about reader being in a friend group and slowly getting left out and eventually getting replaced. at first she didn't tell nico bc she didn't want hit to worry but neeks slowly noticing a slight change in a reader behavior and ask reader what's wrong. at first reader don't want to talk about it but at the end the whole bubble breaks and reader is sobbing and crying in Nico's arms. I hope you understand what I mean.Btw i LOVE all your fanfics, I hope it's not too long, thank you in advance ❤️❤️

he had noticed the slight shift in your routine. suddenly you were home more, a little clingier, asking if you could tag along with him and the guys more often. none of which mattered to him. if anything, nico loved the extra time spent with you. but you just seemed…sad.

he realized you hadn’t mentioned any plans with your friends recently, at first just chalking it up to him being on a stretch of home games and you wanting to spend your time with him before he had to leave again. but when he was on the road for the better part of a week, and you were home, in your pjs every night he called you, he knew something was up.

“schatz, can i ask you a question?” nico asked you after dinner one night, having sensed your overall demeanor was off all day.

“sure, you know you can always ask me stuff,” you turn to face him, leaning into the plush couch.

he thinks about how to word his question without sounding accusatory or like doesn’t enjoy the increased time together. “well…i’ve just noticed, you’ve been home a lot more lately and i haven’t heard you talk about the girls much recently. is there a reason? or are you just so obsessed with me you can’t bear to be apart,” he tries to add humor to offset the serious connotation of the sentence.

your body goes rigid, surprising him. you won’t meet his eyes, your hands coming together to pick at your fingernails. he watches the tears prick at your eyes, alarm bells going off in his head.

“i-, no, it’s nothing. just, no plans lately,” you say, voice strained, still not meeting his eyes.

he watches your lip tremble, knowing there’s more to the story, but not knowing if he should push the issue or accept the answer. he brings a hand over to rest on your knee, rubbing his thumb back and forth in a soothing motion.

“okay, i was just curious. didn’t know if something had happened or if you just wanted more nico time,” he chuckles, trying to relieve some of the sudden tension, no humor found in the situation.

his attempts were futile, because the second the words left his mouth you broke down, falling forward into his arms. he held you as you sobbed on his shoulder, slightly shocked at the sudden outburst of emotions.

“hey, shhh. it’s okay, sweet girl. i’ve got you, okay? i love you,” he tried to reassure you, lifting you to fully sit on his lap. he let you purge whatever emotions needed to be let out, not pulling back from the tight embrace until you did.

he’s met with your puffy, red eyes. he can feel the wet spot on his shoulder, but ignoring anything that isn’t you. brining his hands up, he wipes away the wetness on your face, squishing your face together while pulling it forward slightly, giving you a salty kiss.

“you know i love you, right?” he asks you as he pulls back from the kiss, earning a small nod of your head.

“i love you too,” you rasp out, bringing your own hands up to run down your face, wiping your own tears. “sorry about all that i just…been holding that in for awhile.”

nico removes some hair that was sticking to your cheek, shaking his head. “what’s going on, sweetheart?”

you take a deep breath, suddenly embarrassed. “it’s stupid, really. i mean, i’m a grown woman, i shouldn’t be upset over something so trivial,” you start, a humorless laugh escaping you.

“no, we’re not doing that. if it’s making you feel like this it’s important, it doesn’t matter what it is,” nico responds, slightly scolding you. “just tell me, maybe i can help.”

you smile at his words, heart swelling with love for the man in front of you. “well…basically i don’t think i have friends any more? i mean, i don’t know. for the past few weeks i quit getting invites. i thought at first maybe it was a lull in plans with the whole group, but when i saw them posting they were out for drinks one night and i checked the group chat to see that the group chat…didn’t exist anymore, i realized what was happening,” you start, shrugging.

“i messaged each of the girls individually, but no one responded. then it turned into taking digs at me in their captions on their pictures from dinners, nights out, events i was never invited to. no one ever told me why. or if i did something. one night we were at the bar grabbing dinner and drinks while you were on the road and the next, i was booted from the group chat and never to be spoken to again,” you tell him, knowing it’s all over the place and confusing, but it’s the truth. one night you were laughing and chatting with your best friends. the next, you were sitting alone at your apartment, watching them get together without you.

“it’s so middle school mean girl coded, but even at 24, it hurts. i know i don’t need those type of women in my life, but they’re my friends, neeks. at least…i thought they were,” you started tearing up again, feeling nico squeeze the hand he was holding.

nico’s heart breaks for you, knowing how much you loved your girls. he can’t imagine who, in their right mind, would just kick someone as caring, sweet, and loving as you out of their life for seemingly no reason.

“oh, my sweet girl,” he brings you back in for an embrace. “you’re too good for them, you know that?” he tells you, meaning every word.

he always had some issues with your friend group, but he never voiced his concerns, because he didn’t want to upset your or seem like he was being controlling. he could tell they were always just…off though. always wanting to tag along with you to hockey games, wanting a box when you told him you liked sitting down in the crowd better. they always changed plans you suggested, doing what they wanted instead of what you wanted. only ever wanting to attend get togethers at yours and his apartment if other guys from the team were gonna be there.

“it just sucks, neeks. i mean, how pathetic? i’m a grown woman who has no friends and her only social life revolves around her professional athlete boyfriend? i feel like such a leech,” you admit.

nico sees red, wanting to go and give all of those women a piece of his mind for how they’re making you feel.

“listen to me, don’t you ever say those words to me again, do you hear me?” he fusses at you, as serious as he’s ever been. “you’re the farthest thing from a leech. i want you around me all the time. i want you to tag along to every event, every team outing, every game. i enjoy spending my time with you, and getting to have you to myself every night.”

your heart swells once again, having been worried lately you were being too clingy.

“those women? they’re the pathetic ones. if they can’t see the absolute gem of a person they had around them, then they’re the ones who should be ashamed,” he looks you in the eyes as he speaks, willing your brain to soak in and listen to every word.

“i love you,” is all you can think to say in response, not knowing how else to express your feelings in the moment. you lean in to touch your lips to his, wishing to convey every ounce of thankfulness, love, and appreciation for him through the kiss.

he kiss you back softly, pulling back after a few moments.

“so, now that that’s settled, you wanna go out for drinks with me and the guys tomorrow? think a few of the other wives and girlfriends are coming, too. might be fun?” he asks you, already concocting a plan to find you a new, trustworthy group of girl friends.

“hmmmm, let me check my schedule, i might be booked and busy,” you joke, his words having made you feel light as a feather, any sadness working its way out of your body.

he rolls his eyes at you, letting out a playful growl as he attacks your neck with kisses, earning a laugh out of you.

[morganaawriterr]

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ Love Lake ;

Pairing; fem!reader x loser!Niki Synopsis; When Ni-ki moved to your neighbourhood, he didn’t think much of it—until he met you. One night, he unexpectedly shows up at your house, and a calm walk transforms into a seducing game by the lake. Between playful teasing and intimate touches, the tension between you grows, impossible to ignore. Genre; Fluff (a bit suggestive) Warning; Suggestive content; Mentions of alcohol; Ni-ki is as cute loser; nudity; cute tension; profanity; Words; 3.7k Masterlist

A/N: I really like this post, its very cute and sexy and I love Ni-ki <3 I hope you guys like it too, reblogs and likes are always appreciated, thank you so much <3 (this is a repost)

Ni-ki is certainly out of his mind.

It’s 2 a.m., and he’s walking to your house on this warm summer night. The moon is his only companion, casting a soft blue shadow on the ground as he steps. A heavy backpack weighs on his shoulders, but the happy smile on his lips and the quickened beat of his heart reveal his excitement at the thought of seeing you again. Ni-ki moved to your neighbourhood with his parents a few months ago, and you were the one who helped him when he needed it most. That small act of kindness marked the beginning of your friendship.

You are a short-tempered girl with long black hair, a sweet smile, and captivating brown eyes. Ni-ki still remembers the first time he talked to you. He was going door to door, asking if anyone knew a mechanic because his car wouldn’t start—he’d left an interior light on and drained the battery. He was mortified during that first conversation. Your voice had been calm, but your expression wasn’t so welcoming. The way you raised an eyebrow at him as he explained made him blush like a twelve-year-old. Thankfully, your dad turned out to be a mechanic and helped him out. Since then, Ni-ki hasn’t left you alone, especially after discovering you went to the same university as him.

As he approaches your house, Ni-ki thinks back to the last time you hung out. It was in your small apartment near campus. The windows were wide open to combat the summer heat, and the two of you were playing cards, listening to the latest Chase Atlantic album, and drinking beer. Everything was going perfectly—at least for you. You were finally winning a game after weeks of losing streaks, and Ni-ki was starting to sulk because he hated losing. Frustrated, he angrily threw his last few cards onto the table, accidentally knocking over his beer.

The can tipped, spilling its stinky contents all over your chest, lap, and the couch.

“NI-KI, WHAT THE FUCK!” you shouted, glaring at him with wide eyes. Your mouth hung open in disbelief, and there was no hiding the fury blazing in your expression.

You had been wearing one of your favorite blouses—a burgundy one—and now it was soaked. The stain seemed like it would be permanent, all because Ni-ki couldn’t control his temper.

Ni-ki knew exactly how much that blouse meant to you, and guilt gnawed at him. Panicking, he grabbed a handful of tissues from the coffee table and pressed them against your chest, frantically trying to dry you off. His intentions were innocent, but when his eyes drifted to where his hand was, he froze. His face turned beet red as he glanced back up at you, only to realize how close the two of you were.

Your heart fluttered at the intensity of his gaze, and you instinctively closed your eyes, expecting him to kiss you. Seconds passed, but nothing happened. Confused, you opened your eyes slowly, only to find Ni-ki staring at you with one eyebrow raised, his expression equal parts puzzled and amused.

You blushed furiously and immediately pushed him away, yelling at him for being so careless and ruining your blouse. Disappearing into the kitchen, still mumbling angrily to yourself, Ni-ki stayed behind, lying comfortably on the floor. He let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding, a soft smile tugging at his lips. He couldn’t help but grin like an idiot at the memory of your flushed face because he knew how rare it was for you to get embarrassed around him.

Now, standing in front of your house, Ni-ki smiles to himself at the thought of that incident. Maybe there’s something more between you two than just friendship. Pulling out his phone from his pocket, he types a quick text: I’m outside. He knows that’s all it will take to get your attention.

Dressed in an oversized white t-shirt and some sporty shorts, you’re lying on your bed, engrossed in a book while listening to music—your go-to routine when you’re determined to finish a story. The soft buzz of your phone pulls you out of your bubble, and you can’t help but smile when you see Ni-ki’s text. Sliding open your window, you step outside and walk calmly to the balcony at the front of your house. The night breeze is warm, offering no relief from the lingering summer heat.

“What are you doing here at this time, Kiki?” you ask, teasing him with the nickname you know he hates, leaning against the glass railing.

“I couldn’t sleep… And I know you have trouble sleeping sometimes, so I thought we could hang out,” Ni-ki replies, raising an eyebrow as he casually ignores the nickname. Despite his nonchalance, you give him a small smile. You know how often he gets stuck in his head, and it’s no surprise that it keeps him awake.

“We can’t stay at my parents’ house this late at night…” you say, pausing to think. “Let’s take a walk instead, maybe?” you suggest. Ni-ki nods eagerly at the idea, his expression softening at the thought of spending more time with you.

To be honest, it didn’t matter where you two were going or what you were doing—Ni-ki just wanted to be close to you. The two of you wandered aimlessly around the neighborhood, chatting softly as the full moon followed your steps. The streetlights served as your only guide, casting a warm glow over the quiet streets. You found yourself laughing at the stupid jokes Ni-ki made about people at uni, and in the midst of your laughter, your gaze drifted to the fine man walking beside you.

Riki towered over you, almost double your height. His brown ends blended with blonde roots, making his hair look irresistibly soft, his bangs nearly obscuring his whole face. Your eyes lingered on his tired yet captivating eyes and his plump lips, hating how they always seemed so inviting. For the first time, you noticed how muscular he had become, the dance classes clearly working wonders on his physique. His biceps were easily visible to your wandering eyes, and his shoulders were broader now, exuding strength. God, he made your knees weak without even trying.

A fresh, earthy smell from the surrounding trees caused you to momentarily close your eyes, savoring the cool breeze brushing against your skin. As you relished the comfortable silence between you and Ni-ki, the distant sound of water flowing caught your attention. A mischievous idea sparked in your mind.

“Look, there’s a small lake over there. Let’s get closer—I love the sound of the water,” you said eagerly, your eyes lighting up at the thought. Ni-ki didn’t respond immediately; instead, he stared into your eyes, completely mesmerized by the way they sparkled under the moonlight’s soft blue hue.

You gently grabbed Riki’s hand and pulled him toward the water. Carefully, you led him through tall trees and wild grass to a small clearing that resembled an island, covered in soft sand and surrounded by water on all sides except one. Ni-ki, however, seemed frozen in place, his gaze fixed on your slender hand intertwined with his. Your skin was warm and soft against his, and the simple touch left him stunned.

“This is so calming. I love it,” Riki said in a husky voice, casting a shy glance at you as he let the peaceful atmosphere settle around him.

You decided to sit down near the water, hoping the soothing sound of the flowing stream and the chorus of nighttime creatures would ease your mind. Ni-ki followed suit, settling down beside you. A comfortable silence enveloped you both, and when you turned your head to look at the handsome boy beside you, your gaze met his. You held eye contact for a while, feeling a strange sense of safety under his gaze and comfort in his presence.

Ni-ki’s thoughts began to wander as he looked into your eyes. He loved your eyes—where others might call brown unremarkable, he found them magical. The way your coffee-colored irises complemented your jet-black hair and soft skin only solidified his belief that he might be in love with you. He could lose himself in those eyes forever, and he would do so gladly.

While he was lost in his thoughts, you asked him a question. The way his eyes widened in surprise sent you into a fit of laughter. Your laugh echoed through the tall trees, mingling with the sound of the flowing water in the distance.

“I dare you to go into the water. Clothes are optional,” you repeated, leaning closer to his face and winking. “What? Are you too scared?” you teased, crossing your arms over your chest as a playful smile spread across your lips.

“Nah. You just make me do stupid things and never do them with me,” Ni-ki replied without hesitation.

You pushed him playfully, feigning offense but feeling a little ashamed too—because he was right. You always dared him to do silly things but chickened out at the last minute, leaving him to look like a fool.

“OK, OK. I’ll go first this time. You can follow me… if you can keep up,” you declared, sticking your tongue out at him.

“Childish,” Riki muttered, but before he could say anything else, his mouth dropped open.

You bent over, straightening your back as you leaned down, your back facing Ni-ki. Slowly, while maintaining eye contact with him, you slid your shorts down your legs, leaving yourself in only a black thong and an oversized white t-shirt. Without saying a word or looking back, you walked toward the water.

The icy temperature sent a jolt through you, making your feet feel slightly numb, but your pride was heavier than the cold. You stood tall and waded deeper into the water, letting it engulf you inch by inch.

Ni-ki is certainly out of his mind. He ran his fingers through his hair, shutting his eyes tightly in an attempt to process what had just happened. But when he closed his eyes, all he could see was your figure and it burned into his memory, your curves teasing him mercilessly.

He was just a poor, young, and undeniably horny man. And you? You were testing his patience—because deep down, you knew he was too much of a coward to make a move.

“RIKI, YOU COMING OR NOT?” you yelled, a sly smirk curling on your lips, fully aware of exactly what was running through his mind.

Ni-ki softly slapped himself back to reality, deciding that two could play at this game. While your curious mind raced with all the possible scenarios of what he might do next, your gaze locked on him as he began taking his shirt off. Your eyes were immediately glued to how his muscles flexed when he pulled the fabric over his head. He was, without a doubt, one of the most attractive men you had ever laid eyes on. His toned physique, the subtle curve of his waist, and the constellation of moles scattered across his skin made your face flush three shades of red in an instant.

When Ni-ki’s toes touched the freezing water, his whole body shivered involuntarily. He briefly considered retreating, but no—he couldn’t let you win this round. You’d tease him about it relentlessly, not just now but for days to come. Resolving to push through, he took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and swam toward you.

As he drew closer, he wasn’t prepared for how captivating you looked. Your long, dark hair was slicked back, your lips tinged a deep red from the cold water, and your eyes glimmered with a seductiveness that left him speechless. Water droplets clung to your lashes, and your skin glowed in the soft blue light cast by the moon. You looked like a siren, a vision that completely clouded his mind with thoughts of you and only you.

“Hmmm, I see.” You bit your bottom lip playfully. “Maybe you’re not as weak as I thought…”

But before Ni-ki could respond, you smirked mischievously and pushed his head underwater, fully submerging him in the icy lake.

When he resurfaced, it was your turn to feel trapped by him. His brown-and-blonde hair was slicked back, water dripping from the tips, revealing his sharp features. His plump bottom lip was caught between his teeth as he tried to stifle a grin. As your eyes trailed down from his face, you found yourself staring at his chest—water droplets cascading down his toned torso, tracing the lines of his abs.

This little game of seduction you’d started was starting to backfire, and you felt as though you were the one being seduced. You swallowed hard, your eyes unwilling to leave the trail of water sliding down his lower stomach.

“You’re staring, Y/N,” Riki teased, his voice light but with a hint of shyness. He loved the way your gaze lingered on him, and it made his heart race.

You wanted to respond with something smart and sassy, but the words caught in your throat. Turning around, you were ready to dive back into the water to clear your head when you felt his long fingers wrap around your wrist. In one swift motion, Ni-ki pulled you against him. You let out a surprised gasp as water splashed around you.

As your startled eyes met his, Ni-ki suddenly noticed something odd against his chest. Confused, he glanced down, only to see your soaked white t-shirt clinging to your skin, outlining your chest and revealing the faint shapes of your hard nipples because of the cold.

He cursed under his breath as realization hit him. When his curious gaze returned to yours, your face turned crimson with embarrassment. You had wanted to tease him, hoping he’d take the hint and finally make you his, but this had gone way beyond your plan. You struggled against his grip with all your might, but he was too strong.

“You don’t know what you’re doing to me right now, Y/N…” Ni-ki confessed, his voice low and unsteady, the shyness completely gone. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as though trying to steady himself.

You remained silent, too flustered to respond. But then you felt his slender fingers lift your chin, gently guiding your face upward. When your eyes met his again, you realized his gaze was fixed on your lips.

You waited, heart pounding, expecting him to make a move. Yet he hesitated, his eyes darting between your lips and your eyes, as if silently battling with himself. Ni-ki desperately wanted to kiss you, but a small, lingering fear held him back—the fear that this might ruin your friendship, his worst nightmare.

Feeling a mix of frustration and fondness, you rolled your eyes, your annoyance outweighing your nerves. Without giving him another moment to overthink, you grabbed his face and pressed your lips to his.

The kiss was soft and cold, catching Ni-ki completely off guard. For a moment, he stood frozen, but then relief washed over him as the chaotic voices in his mind were silenced.

When you pulled away, your gaze locked with his deep brown eyes, silently conveying that he didn’t need to hesitate anymore. After a few heartbeats of hesitation, he leaned in and kissed you again, this time with more certainty, his lips moving against yours with a newfound confidence.

When your lips parted to catch your breath, Riki seemed to take it personally. He chased after your lips again, this time cupping your cheek with his veiny hand, his strong arm wrapping tightly around your waist, pulling you impossibly close. It was as though he wanted to ensure you wouldn’t let go of his lips again.

As your bra-less chest pressed against his, his sharp teeth grazed your bottom lip, a warning that his tongue sought entrance. A quiet moan escaped your lips as you felt his tongue meet yours, the taste of watermelon from the gum he’d chewed earlier lingering on him.

When your lungs screamed for air, your lips finally broke apart. Resting his forehead against yours, Riki wore the proudest smile, his chest heaving as he felt a sense of triumph. He was certain you’d finally moved past the strange tension that had been building between you two.

But your face told a different story. Panic welled up inside you as you realized there was no hiding your feelings anymore. No more playful jokes or flirty remarks to mask the truth—he now knew how you felt.

Riki finally loosened his grip, letting his arm fall from your waist. Without a word, you quickly swam back to shore, leaving him standing alone and bewildered in the water.

“Shit!” Ni-ki cursed, running a hand through his hair. “Was I too much?” he muttered to himself, scrambling to follow you, fear flashing across his face that he might’ve just ruined everything.

“Riki, I—”

“I’m sorry... I know,” he interrupted, his voice tinged with regret. “I was too much. I’m sorry, Y/N.”

You rolled your eyes, stepping closer to him. “Let me finish, Riki,” you whispered, your voice low and tinged with embarrassment. “I’ve had a crush on you ever since the first time I laid eyes on you. But I was scared you didn’t like me back. So, I tried to play it cool around you, flirting to see if you felt the same… but you always backed out at the last minute, and it was so confusing.”

Your voice cracked slightly as you confessed, a sad pout forming on your lips.

“Are you serious?” the tall boy asks, his voice tinged with disbelief as he looks at you with the sweetest expression you’ve ever seen on him. “I’ve liked you this whole time too. That’s why I get so shy and clumsy around you. I wanted to impress you!” Riki confesses, his lips stretching into the biggest smile. “I was too much of a loser to make the first move, and I’m sorry for that. But I’ve always liked you.”

Ni-ki’s large, bony hand reaches out for yours, interlocking his fingers with yours. His heart swells, completely captivated by you, especially the way you seem to get shy only because of him. But you let go of his hand to get dressed, bending down to pick up your shorts from the sand.

Behind you, Ni-ki fights the overwhelming urge to grab your hips and pull you against him, his hands itching to explore every inch of your body. In his mind, he’s already tracing your sides, mentally cataloging every detail of how your skin feels under his touch.

When you turn around, he notices your soaked t-shirt still clinging to your chest. “Here—” Ni-ki offers you his dry shirt, his voice soft and a shy smile tugging at his lips. “I know it must be uncomfortable having your t-shirt stuck to you. You can wear this instead.” His cheeks flush red as his curious eyes flicker to your chest again before he quickly looks away.

“Thank you. Now, cover your eyes,” you instruct, turning away from him.

Ni-ki obediently hides his eyes with his hands, though he leaves a small gap to peek. His heart skips a beat when he catches sight of your bare back and the outline of your chest as you lift your arms to slip into his shirt. Your silhouette, illuminated by the faint moonlight, makes it impossible for him not to bite his lip, cursing himself for making things harder on himself.

When you turn back around, he shuts his eyes tightly, pretending to have been an angel the entire time. “You can open your eyes now,” you say, and he removes his hands, smiling innocently at you.

Ni-ki slings your wet t-shirt over his shoulder as the two of you begin walking back to your place. He rummages through his backpack, pulling out some snacks to share. The only sounds are the crunching of the food and the rhythm of your footsteps, accompanied by the warm breeze that returns as you leave the cool shade of the trees behind.

You steal glances at him every now and then, enjoying his goofy side as he tries his best to make you laugh.

When you reach your house, Ni-ki pouts, his full lips jutting out cutely. He clearly doesn’t want the night to end.

“Goodnight, Ni-ki,” you say softly, your gaze fixed on the ground, still flustered by the memories of what happened at the lake.

“Where’s my confident Y/N gone?” he teases, loving this shy side of you. His hand reaches for your cheek, gently caressing it.

“She dissolved in the cold water,” you quip sarcastically, punching his strong chest playfully. Then, you lean up and give him a quick peck on the cheek before heading back to your balcony to climb up to your bedroom.

The tall boy stays rooted in place, watching as you ascend. His curious eyes trail after you, lingering on your form until you slip inside your room. You send him a playful kiss before sliding the window shut, disappearing from his view.

Ni-ki lingers outside for a moment longer, his gaze shifting between your house and the starry night sky. With the memory of your lips on his, he finally turns to walk home, his mind replaying every second of the evening.

As he walks, a giggle escapes his lips, only for him to cringe at himself immediately after. Still, he can’t stop the warmth spreading through his chest. You’re all he can think about—the way you fit so perfectly in his arms, your laugh, your teasing. He’d come to your house hoping to distract himself and fall asleep faster, but now, as he lays in bed, sleep feels impossible. His mind is consumed with thoughts of you and all the ways he’s going to make you his girlfriend.

Taglist: @grandlightcandy @seokseokjinkim @strxwbloody @enhasunghoonishot @contyynishimura @heewanrik @ranwonbin @leanderexists @lovelyyf @youngheejay @crimson-reaper576 @rikifever @mrsjjongstby @laurradoesloveu @babyboomysweetie @mintchocos-things @nxzz-skz @saphiranishimurashan @ikeupups @yangjungwonnie If you wanna be added or removed from the taglist just comment below!

[urinarythreatinfection]

Is This Love?

Luffy x Male Reader. Angst. Post Jinbe. 1919 words. Slow-ish burn. Part two

Desc: You confess to Luffy then go through the aftermath of what you did.

Late at night, under the stars, and sleep deprived.

“Luffy?”

“Hm?”

“I think I’m in love with you.”

That is how this started. A sudden confession under these conditions while Luffy was on watch duty and you stayed with him since you couldn’t sleep. Maybe it was the tiredness you felt that made you spill it, or the inability to keep it inside any longer; or maybe it was both. That doesn’t matter too much now.

“...” Luffy is silent, brain processing what happened while he stares at you. “You love me?” He asks.

“In love with you. Like a lover loves their lover.” Laying it out there so even he couldn’t misunderstand is how you continue. He continues to stare, examining you before looking back up at the stars and resting his chin on his knees.

“Weird.” The captain states, “You’re being weird, (Y/n).” not in a cruel way. Just an observation, something to point out like you ate bananas with ketchup. What is he supposed to say to that? It was so random to him, so he stays silent. Your head drops a bit, he wasn’t cruel, not on purpose, but the nonchalant rejection hurts in a different way. Then again, you didn’t expect much. He’s never shown interest in those things on his own. You almost want to apologize, but choose silence, it’s better to let things pass now. You rest your hands on the floor beside you. The stars and moon shine brightly tonight, as if they shined brighter than usual just to comfort you through this.

——————————

Things didn’t change, Luffy is still your captain and you his crewmate. He doesn’t mention what you said nor does he act differently around you. At first.

“...” Quiet. He’s staring, you can feel it. You look up and the two of you meet eyes. He doesn’t break contact though and you end up just going back to what you were doing. No smiles, no laughter. Maybe this did ruin something, but it’s not like you can take it back.

_________________

Again, during snack time, he acts off. Staring then slowly reaching a hand over to your food while keeping his eyes on you. It’s making you anxious, you feel like a wild animal being approached. You can’t tell what he’s thinking, if he is thinking anything, while he does this. However, you gently push his hand away. The action makes him frown, looking almost… confused. Then, he speaks.

“I thought you were in love with me.” Luffy says and you freeze along with the other shocked crewmembers around.

“Luffy!?” You’re shocked as well, he just said it, just put your feelings out there.

“You’re in love with me, but I can’t have some?” He asks with a tilt of his head, is that why he was staring at you? That gets more people frozen, except for Robin, who frowns a bit after a second.

“L-Luffy-” Usopp manages to start before you stand up, tossing the snack on Luffy’s lap and entering the Sunny. Maybe they’re speaking about you, about what just happened, but you can’t hear it right now. You go into the men’s quarters and sit on your bed, putting your head in your hands. You had thought he’d forget about it, and even if he didn’t that he wouldn’t mention it, but he did. You should’ve told him to keep it secret, but once again it’s too late. This sucks, you should’ve just beared with keeping it in.

(Luffy’s POV)

Luffy looks down at the snack on his lap, then up at his crewmates. Nami clenches her teeth before yelling. “Luffy you IDIOT! Why did you say that?” The captain tilts his head in confusion again.

“But he does, he said it.”

“That’s not the point…” The navigator says with a sigh before turning around and rubbing her temples. “Gods, I’m getting a headache.” Jinbe shakes his head in disapproval.

“What you did was insensitive, Luffy.” The fishman explains while Robin nods. He doesn’t get what he did. You love him, why would you keep it secret? It’s not like he’s gross enough that you should be ashamed of loving him, right? Yet you were silent no matter how much Luffy stared at you, no blushes or shyness, no signs of love. You didn’t even let him have your snack until you left.

‘Hammock cooked and gave me stuff all the time…’ He thinks to himself, yet he was rejected your snack and is now admonished for being confused. You don’t act like Sanji fawning over women or Hancock fawning over him. “I don’t get it.” Everyone lets out a collective sigh. Why did you have to fall for this idiot? They consider scolding him more but stop when Luffy looks down at the snack, he’s thinking. He isn’t taking this as lightly as they thought at first. “I love all you guys and I’m not like that.”

“Not everyone wants to let out their love so openly.” Jinbe takes the role of explaining to the captain. “Romantic feelings cause more anxiousness as well.” Anxiousness.. would he feel anxious if he was in love with someone like that? He takes a bite of the snack and reaches for his hat, putting it on his head for comfort. Why’s it so complicated? Plus, you’re a guy, but you got.. shy? Was it shy? He thinks back on his brothers, of all the men he grew up with, were they ever… shy? Because of romantic love for someone? He’s starting to get a headache of his own, lost in thought as he hums. Luffy cares about you so much, he wants to understand, but he doesn’t know. He can’t gatling his way out of this.

“Luffy.” Robin’s smooth voice gently breaks him from his thoughts, looking down at him. “Imagine if you told me you were hiding snacks somewhere, and wanted to have a picnic with just us two with them, but I refused. Then later I suddenly mentioned where you hid your food and now everyone knows where it is. You didn’t get the picnic, and I told everyone what you told me.”

“He didn’t tell me to keep it a secret though.” He points out and Robin shakes her head softly.

“That he may have messed up on, but even so it’s common sense to someone that it’d be a secret. Even if you forgot to tell me not to reveal your hiding spot you’d still be upset, wouldn't you?” The archeologist continues to explain. The metaphor is helping, though Luffy wouldn’t know why he’d want to have a picnic with just Robin and not everyone else; but he would dislike it if she refused and snitched. He continues to rack his untrained brain, then flops onto his side and shoves the rest of the snack into his mouth. It doesn’t taste as good anymore. The Strawhats stare at their captain. How pitiful for the both of you.

(Your POV)

That night, you sleep outside. The men’s quarters house every guy, including Luffy, so it would just feel too awkward to be in there. It’s worth the sacrifice of being a bit more uncomfortable outside than trying to get some shut-eye directly after what happened. It’s still cold though, and windy, maybe it’ll be better in the crow’s nest. You go up to the crow’s nest and find Zoro training, he does sleep rather late. You don’t bother to announce your presence, he already knows. “The idiot keeping you up?” He asks while swinging a large metal bar with weights attached.

“Not.. sound wise.” You mumble, hopping onto the wooden floor. It’s not windy in here, better.

“I know. It’s not like I'm a love expert but I know enough not to blurt out someone else’s feelings in front of a crowd of people, even if they’re other friends.” He puts the bar down and grabs a cloth to wipe his forehead with.

“Common sense just isn’t common with him, unfortunately. Don’t know how I didn’t think of having to tell him not to blurt it out. My fault, really.” You talk while grabbing a weight. Pretty heavy.

“This one should be better” He says before stuffing another into your hands. It’s even heavier. “Though it depends on what type of workout you’re doing.”

“Late to be doing a full workout.” It’s way past dark out.

“Late for you to be awake despite not being on nightwatch. It’s 2am.” The swordsman points out while motioning with his head to the clock. He makes a good argument. You grab another heavy one and place it onto a bench press bar. “Starting out strong, stretch first.” You shake your head, you’ll be fine. You just need to get your stress out. Zoro sighs and walks over to spot you while you lay down. You lift the bar up off the hooks and slowly bring it down, then back up.

One

Is it really your fault? For not telling Luffy to keep it secret? He should’ve known, but maybe it was a mistake to tell him at all.

Two

You acknowledged before, during, and after telling him that he’d never shown that kind of interest in anyone, much less a man; yet you still did it. Even clarified so you had no way to weasel your way out of it.

Three

Then again, you haven’t known him for his entire life. He could’ve had a crush when he was younger. A nice girl, or boy, or book character. He doesn’t have any books in the Sunny library but someone could’ve read to him when he was little.

Four

He knows Shanks, said it was when he was little. Shanks is pretty popular. Did Shanks ever tell him about love? Was there ever a chance for you? Even a semblance of one?

…Five

It could be that you’re the dumbass that confessed to someone that could never be interested. You’re not even the best bachelor around. Plus, Luffy thinks of you as a friend.

Six, seven, eight

Thought of you as one. You’re the asshole that took a friendship and tried to turn it into something it’s not. You betrayed his trust. Good crewmate, you aren’t even a good friend.

Nine, ten, eleven

“You’re going too fast.”

You fucked it all up. Everything. It’s never going to be the same. You’re going to be known as the loser on the crew that confessed and got rejected by the captain like nothing forever.

Twelve, thirteen

Slip

“Ah.” You lost your grip. Before the bar can fall on you it’s caught by a strong hand.

“I told you you were going too fast. It doesn’t even help at that speed.” Zoro places the bar back onto the hooks. “You’re just hurting yourself at that point. Stop thinking so much.” You sit up, shaking your arms a bit. You were thinking too much. You’re thinking too much about everything, you doubt Luffy is even thinking so much about this and he’s the one you forced a confession on. Though he is Luffy, not thinking is pretty much what he’s known for besides being so effortlessly good. You sit up and roll your shoulders. You can already feel you’re going to be sore. Even if it wasn’t a lot, going so fast from attempting to sleep to benching heavy; and with no stretching; is gonna mess you up. You look down at your hands while Zoro puts the weights away.

“Dumbass.” You messed up.

Don't freak out! This isn't ending on a cliffhanger. This is gonna be a multi part series since I felt like it, kinda weird how both my multiparts (for now) have ended up being Luffy but he is my fav character tbf. I already have the second chapter partially written. Don't know when i'll finish it though, my new class is kinda rough. Still, I have a good grasp on it and I honestly do the best creating media when avoiding doing other things so this may be a blessing in disguise. Anyway hope you enjoyed.

Part two

[seokmn]

TEENAGE DIRTBAG ✮⋆˙

pairing: taesan x gn!reader wc: 1.1k words warnings: mentions of graffiting, kissing, suggestive at the end if you squint

“i have a dream about her. she rings my bell”

“are you sure about this?” taesan asked while zipping up his jacket, whispering because it was in the middle of the night and he didnt want his parents to find out you were still awake and even worse, you were about to go out. “you know,” he smirked. “i wont call you a coward for not wanting to go.”

“shut up, im going with you,” you zip up your jacket as well and put the bag on your shoulder. he sighed and got closer to you. “im being serious now, yn. do you really want to go? you can stay here until i get back or i can do this another day. i dont want you to get into any trouble if something goes wrong.”

“taesan, its fine. im going and thats it, you wont change my mind.”

the boy sighed and put the hood of your jacket on with a small smile. “it’ll be fun, i promise you,” he took the bag off of your shoulder and placed it on his instead, “lets go?” you nodded. “yea, lets go.”

taesan put on his hood and made his way out of his house with you right behind him as you both walked towards your destination, an abandoned house.

as you got to your destination, taesan placed the bag on the floor and opened it up, taking a few spray pain cans out of it. “which color do you want first?” he asked, still looking at the cans. you hummed while looking at the cans in his hands.

the lamppost and the moon being the only things lighting that silent and lifeless place. “pink.”

he hummed and threw the can in your direction, you caught it in the air and mumbled a thank you. taesan chose the black one, shook the can and started to do his graffiti on the wall outside the house. the lines he painted already creating a form as he linked them together.

you watched him before shaking the can in your hand and starting to graffiti as well, but it was clear that your graffiti would turn out into a weird drawing and his would turn into a masterpiece. that’s what always happened, taesan has an amazing talent when it comes to drawing or anything related to it and you have an absurd talent when it comes to writing.

“how do you do that?” you asked as you painted the wall, your eyes darting at taesan’s figure and painting every two seconds. “practice, thats all,” he looked at yours and laughed. “yah! what are you painting?”

“i have no idea!” you laughed as well. “but isnt that what makes the painting artistic? just going with the flow, letting your emotions do the work?” he chuckled and nodded. “guess youre right. i bet it’ll end it up being a cute ass drawing.”

“it’ll definitely beat yours,” he scoffed and was about to say something, but stopped in his tracks when his face suddenly got lightened by a bright white light. his expression turned serious and you immediately turned around to see what was lightening his face and what made his smile die so quickly, only to be met by two cops.

“hey! what are you two doing?!” one of the cops asked, starting to walk towards you. taesan held your hand tightly and swallowed his own saliva. “yn, run.”

you didnt even have time to protest or say anything, taesan was already running, making you run as well because of the grip on your hand. you looked back and saw the cops yelling at you and starting to run as well, their goal being chasing you and do whatever the cops do when they catch teenagers graffiting.

“taesan, we left your bag!”

“you think i care? our lives matter the most!” he said as he kept running, taking glances at the cops and at you to see if youre still doing well every now and then.

you two kept running through the silent and lonely streets, all the things that could be heard were your breathing, yours and the cops footsteps and their yelling demanding you two to stop running.

taesan kept taking glances at you and at the cops, but he was also staying aware of his surroundings, looking around to see if there was any place that you could hide from them. his focused expression was broken by a small smirk when his eyes landed on a dark alley.

he entered the alley and immediately pulled you closer to him, with basically no space between you. “shh…” he covered your mouth as he looked at his side, watching the cops still running in a straight line, knowing they already lost you.

when he was sure that he wasnt listening their footsteps anymore, he uncovered your mouth and let out a deep sigh. “that was close…”

you looked at him amused and out of breath. “hey, you okay? take a deep breath,” taesan placed his hand on your back as he watched you get your breath back. “woah… i felt like i was a subway surfers character.”

he laughed out loud as he heard you comment. “a subway surfers character? but without the subways and the surfing,” he shook his head as he kept laughing, “you’re ridiculous.”

you playfully hit his arm, leaned back on the wall and watched he do the same. “you look cute when your face is all red.”

“yea, running non stop for about ten minutes usually does that to people. your face is also red,” he tilted his head and smirked. “are you saying that i also look cute right now?”

“youre saying it, not me,” you smiled. he looked in your eyes before glancing at your lips. “what? all the adrenaline is making you want to do something bold, han taesan?”

“maybe… why? will you stop me?” he placed his hands on your cheeks. “i dont know, guess you’ll have to do it to find out.”

“then ill gladly do it,” he closed the distance between your lips. his soft lips brushing against yours and making your heart beat faster. it felt like you were running away from the cops once again. the kiss deepened and was only broken later on because of the lack of breathing you both started to feel.

“so, you didnt stop me,” taesan rested his forehead against yours as he saw your smile. “you know, the adrenaline didnt let me. id never kiss you.”

he laughed and tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear. “sure, pretty little thing. lets go back home and see if you still say that.”

[measuredingold]

my soul is useless without you

author's note: part two to i'd walk through hell for you is finally here ! i'm not sure if i want to do a third part, but we’ll see lol but i'm currently working on something for folio 👀 as always, i hope you enjoy and feedback is appreciated ! also, if yall have any requests, send them my way :) i'm in the mood to write but inspiration is running thin lol

pairing: noah sebastian x reader

divider: @saradika-graphics

word count: 3.5k

cross posted on ao3 / part one

cw/tw: angst, hurt/comfort, Noah Sebastian Is Bad At Feelings But A Good Friend, reader is going through it, anxiety, hints/mentions of depression, noah is just a good guy and cares about reader a lot ( more than he realizes ), friends to lovers pining lol, 18+ minors do not interact

It's when Jolly asks Noah in-between takes if he'd heard from you recently that the anxiety finally settles in.

Because he doesn't know the last time he's heard from you. Which isn't normal.

He's a bad texter, notorious for looking at messages and making a note to reply to them later or replying in his mind, but he always makes sure to reply to you whenever the two of you aren't together. It's just always been a thing, to always have some form of communication with you when he wasn't over at yours or if you weren't at his, so it panics him when he can't remember the last time he'd spoken to you.

He goes through your messages and finds that it wasn't him this time who didn't respond, but instead it was you. Relief washes over him briefly, the guilt of forgetting to respond to his best friend vanishing, but then that anxiety comes back full force. 

You didn't respond.

You always responded.

He sends off a quick message to you, apologizing for being in studio mode and not leaving the house and asks if you're alright. He waits. They go through another take, he somehow doesn't fuck it up even though his mind isn't all the way there. You still haven't responded by the fifth take and that's when he starts to feel sick, stomach twisting with the worry of what could be wrong. 

He tries to think back to if you've ever gone this long without speaking and he can't think of a time when that has happened. 

"Earth to Noah." Jolly's voice pulls him away from his thoughts.

"Oh. Uh, sorry." 

"All good, man." His bandmate eyes him for a second before his eyes flicker towards his phone. "She respond?"

"Um. No." His brows furrowed as he stared at his phone, the black screen mocking him. "Kind of worried."

"Yeah... I am, too." Jolly murmurs. He clicks around on the screen a few times before twisting his chair around to fully face Noah, arms crossing over his chest. "You should go over there. Check and make sure she's alright."

Noah raises a brow at him. "We're in the middle of recording?"

"And?" Jolly shrugs, waving him off. "We got a lot done today, we can wrap it up. Something's obviously wrong and she might need you. That's more important than some song."

He blinks at his friend, letting his words settle in. Jolly's right, he thinks. You are more important than whatever song they're working on. That confirmation makes him feel funny, something tightening beneath his chest but he ignores it, nodding slowly. 

"Okay. You wanna come?"

Jolly shakes his head. "Nah. The both of us might be overwhelming. If you do need me then call, if not..." He shrugs again before lifting himself up out of his chair, groaning softly to himself, "...might be best for just you to go. She'd probably feel better if it's just you, anyways. You know how she is."

Noah isn't quite sure what he means, but nods along anyways. He checks his phone again and still no text, but he notices that you read the message. He should feel relieved at the sign of life but it only makes his anxiety worse, stomach twisting violently. 

"Okay. I'll text you when I get there." 

He's practically running out of the studio after that, the only thing on his mind was you. He needed to make sure you were okay. Deep down he knew that if this was him, you would've already been here, and he feels guilty all over again. He should've paid more attention, shouldn't have let this slip his mind so easily. He thinks back to your last messages together and how you were talking about your work day, overwhelmed and quite frankly, upset about it all. He should've paid closer attention.

He makes it to yours in record time, legs moving him to the door before he can even think about it. He sends up a quiet prayer to the universe that you had given him an extra key months ago and uses it to unlock the door, slowly pushing it open.

He calls out your name, but no answer.

His eyes sweep over your apartment as he enters, scanning the open space. Your kitchen looked untouched, minus the few dirty dishes that were in your sink. A few boxes of Chinese take-out and some bottles of water. He feels almost relieved. You'd been eating and as far as he can tell you'd been keeping yourself somewhat hydrated, so that was a plus. He knows how bad you can be when you get into this headspace - brain fog, forgetting to do basic things like eating and drinking water. But this... this is a step in the right direction.

His eyes move towards the living room and it's just about the same. A pile of blankets lay together at one end of the couch, pillows scattered along the length of the cushions. You'd been there quite a bit, he can tell, but other than that nothing was too bad.

Noah feels like he can breathe for just a second, eyes going straight to the cracked open door to your bedroom. He hears the faint hum of your television and hears the muffled voice of your favorite characters in your favorite comfort show. His chest tightens. You only ever watch it when things get bad inside your head, when things start to become too overwhelming and you need to cling onto something that you know. Something that won't throw any surprises at you and make things worse. 

He makes his way towards your room, ready to call out your name again as he pushes open your door but stops halfway. You're curled up in your bed, covered in a pile of blankets. He steps closer to get a better look at you and he doesn't think he's ever seen you look so peaceful. Lashes against the tops of your cheeks, lips parted. The crease between your brows is relaxed, which never happens. 

Noah takes a deep breath.

You're alright. He can see that you're safe and sound, at least for now, and that's enough for him. He shuts your door behind him and makes his way back into the main room, taking his shoes off by the door. He takes another deep breath to center himself as he looks around your space, hand finding its way to his hair. 

He decides he'll clean up your kitchen and living room. It isn't too bad, and it won't take him too long. He also just... doesn't want to leave yet. He'll wait until you wake up. Make you talk to him, ask what’s up. Probably make you eat something. Then he'll head home. 

Sounds like a good plan to him.

Even though your door is shut he still tries to be quiet, making sure to carefully wash and put away your dishes without making too much of a fuss. After the dishes, he throws away all the take-out boxes and water bottles. He even makes a note to take the trash out for you when he's all done, because he knows you would've done it for him. 

The constant reminder of you and knowing that you'd do something like this for him, and have, is the motivation he needs to continue. It makes him feel warm all over and he thinks how lucky he is to have someone like you as his best friend.

And he definitely ignores the bitter taste in his mouth at the word best friend. 

It's maybe an hour after he's finished, curled up on your couch that now has its pillows in place, and the pile of blankets are neatly folded and put away, that you finally emerge from your room. You rub the sleep out of your eyes, not noticing him on the couch at first, but when you do you make a noise of surprise that has Noah laughing.

"Hey."

He notices the slight flush of your cheeks but ignores it. "Hi?"

"I uh," He scratches the back of his neck, sending you a sheepish smile. "Hadn't talked to you in a few days. Got worried. So did Jolly. Told me to come over. Check on you. You were sleeping so I just," He throws his arms around, gesturing to the space around him, "cleaned up a little? Figured you would appreciate a clean house when you woke up so..." 

He's talking too much, he knows it, but he can't seem to stop the word vomit from coming out. Noah knows you wouldn't mind, but he was nervous, especially because all you do is stare at him without saying a word. Stare and stare and stare until you sniff, brows furrowing.

"...Thanks."

You're unusually quiet and it makes his stomach turn again. You sniff again and Noah swears you look like you're on the verge of tears, and he sits up on the couch. He watches you closely as you wring your hands together in front of you, mouth opening and closing as if you want to say something. You don't, and Noah catches the exact moment when your bottom lip trembles, and he's moving before he can even think about it.

"Hey. It's okay. You’re okay."

He tries to keep his voice soft and free of any panic, but his heart is beating so rapidly against his chest he swears you can hear it. You sniff again, head shaking as your lip continues to tremble and he does the only thing he can think of. He pulls you into his arms and presses you into his chest. You don't move for a second, but eventually your arms circle around his waist. You squeeze, tight, but he doesn't mind. He just squeezes you back. 

Your body begins to shake as the cries start to rack through you, the sound muffled by the fabric of his shirt. Noah swallows down the lump that was beginning to form, cheek resting on the top of your head. He's always hated when you cry. He himself wasn’t one for much display of emotions, but when it came to the people he cared about, he hated seeing them anything but happy. 

Especially you.

He's seen you cry a few times. Well, more than a few times. Sometimes it was over nothing, and then sometimes it was over an incredibly cute dog you'd seen scrolling on Twitter. He didn't mind those, but when it was over something serious, he fucking hated that. He never wanted you to be anything but happy, and whenever you weren’t, it’s like a piece of him breaks. 

“What’s wrong?” He whispers into your hair, trying to pull you even closer to him.

“Everything.” You eventually mumble against his chest, sucking in a deep breath as you try to control your tears. “Fucking everything is wrong.” 

He fucking hates the way that answer makes him feel. His chest feels like it's on fire, and he swears his heart just fucking broke at how sad you sounded, voice muffled by his shirt. He squeezes you to his chest again.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

He wants you to talk about it, to tell him what's wrong so he can make it better. Noah knows it'll probably be damn near impossible to even do that, but god, he'd try absolutely anything to make your tears stop. You take a long moment to respond, trying to control your breathing, before you eventually shake your head against his chest.

"Not right now." 

"Okay.” He mumbles, raising a hand to smooth down your hair. “That's okay, we don't have to."

"Thank you."

You stay like that for a moment, in the middle of your living room. Noah doesn't plan on letting go any time soon, thinking for a split second that he wished he could keep you in his arms forever. If you were there, he'd always know if you were okay. The thought fades before he could think too hard about it when you finally pull away from him, and Noah catches sight of your slight red and blotchy face. He frowns.

He doesn't remember the last time he's ever seen you so sad. So defeated. Whatever was going on really pained you, and he wishes you'd just tell him so he can fix it. Another passing, fleeting thought, but he thinks he'd do just about anything right now to see you smile again. 

"Have you eaten?" He breaks the silence between the two of you, not waiting to hear whatever you were planning on saying.

You blink up at him. "Um... no. Not since this morning. Had some fruit and coffee." 

"I figured." He guides you towards the couch, practically pushing you onto it. You snort when he grabs a throw blanket and dumps it onto you. "Pick something to watch." 

It's not a question, but more of a command, and Noah ignores the way his chest flutters at the small smile you give him. He turned away from you, pushing whatever feeling was brewing inside of him so far down and got his brain to focus. Food. You need food. To be honest, so does he. He’d been so worried about you for the last few hours that he didn’t even think of getting something to eat. 

It takes him a few minutes of rummaging around your kitchen to settle on making something easy - instant ramen. He’s surprised you hadn't eaten it all in the week you’ve been off-grid, but thankful nonetheless. Noah's way too impatient to wait any longer to actually cook something, especially knowing you hadn't eaten anything since this morning. Every so often he looked over his shoulder to watch you, wishing you'd say something, but would find you either staring blankly at the television or your phone.

A bitter taste settles in the back of his throat every time he turns back around to the stove. He hated this, and he fucking hated that he couldn't do a goddamn thing about it.

He brings your bowl to you once he's finished, already making a mental note to clean up the mess he had made while cooking. You blink up at him and reach for it, giving him a quiet, "Thank you."

Noah doesn't verbally say anything, just hums out a response as he ventures back into the kitchen to grab you something to drink. When he comes back he notices you had slowly begun to eat, and he feels his shoulders finally relax. Just knowing you ate something eases him, the tension in his body leaving him completely. You're already reaching out for the glass of water in his hand that he happily hands off to you, giving you a gentle smile.

"Need anything else?"

You shake your head, peering up at him. "No. Just want you to come sit with me." 

That same fluttery feeling beneath his chest returns and he wishes he could ignore it again, but it doesn't go away. No, it stays perched underneath his chest, as if it's decided that it's making a home there and never leaving. He doesn't say anything, just nods at your request before grabbing his own bowl and a Pepsi you had in the fridge before making his way back to you.

You wait until he's settled on the couch to scoot closer to him, legs pressed flushed together. You're already halfway through your ramen and for a split second he forgets that weird feeling in his chest, instead focusing on the intense pride filling him. He was able to get you to eat, he was able to help out in some way. Knowing you were alright for the most part and it was from his doing made him feel good.

The both of you eat in silence as whatever show you decided to put on plays in the background. He’s just now realized it was The Office, and he huffs out a small laugh at something Michael Scott said. Another one of your comfort shows, something easy. 

It isn't until you both are finished with your food and Noah's back in the kitchen cleaning up that you finally speak. He doesn't hear you come up behind him, focused on washing the dishes and making sure everything's clean and good to go, so he can't help but jump when he feels your arms slip around his waist and squeeze.

"Shit." He swears, followed by a breathy chuckle. "You scared me."

You don't say anything to that, just squeeze him harder and he feels you press your face against his back. Then ever so softly, he picks up the faintest, "Thank you," muffled against his back. His face flushes, eyes casting down to the soapy water his hands were currently submerged in. He's glad you can't see the blush on his cheeks, and he fucking hopes you can't hear the way his heart is pounding beneath his chest. Can probably feel it, though, and that makes his face burn even more. 

"For what?" He manages to mumble out, resuming his efforts. Your arms squeeze his waist again.

"For being here." You sound so small. "You don't have to be, but you are, and I can't thank you enough for that."

"You'd do it for me." His response comes easily, voice nonchalant because it's true. He knows you'd do the same for him, and the thought has his stomach flipping every which way. "And have done it for me. It's the least I can do."

You're silent after that but don't part from him, and Noah can't help the smile that spreads across his lips at the feeling of you rubbing your face against him. It makes him feel warm all over, and that damned fluttery feeling in his chest is back yet again. You stay like that until he's finished with the dishes, moving with him as he shuffles to the side to dry them off. You don't pick your head up even when he manages to turn in your arms, finally facing you. 

Noah's arms wrap around you, pulling you closer to him and now you can rub your face against his chest. He laughs softly, pressing his cheek against the top of your head.

"Still don't wanna talk about it?" He knows he's pressing but he can't help it, a part of him still needs to know what's wrong and how he can fix this for you.

You shake your head. "Not yet. Tomorrow, okay? I just... don't wanna think about it tonight."

"Okay." He thinks he can handle that. 

"Thank you." You say again and finally lift your head up from his chest, blinking up at him. There's still a sadness there, roaming around behind your eyes, but not as prevalent as it was earlier. He’s at least done something right. "I'm really fucking lucky to have you, you know that, right?"

The way you're looking up at him is overwhelming, Noah's throat tightening at the softness surrounding your tired eyes. You smile at him and this time it reaches your gaze, not faked but real, and his heart slams against his chest. A thought passes his mind again, something he hasn't thought of in years, and he pushes it back with a hard swallow.

"You're just saying that because you didn't have to do the dishes."

You roll your eyes but that smile never drops from your lips, and Noah thinks he'd like to keep you smiling like that for the rest of his life. 

"Shut up. I'm being serious." You're giggling now, eyes crinkling and he catches a glimpse of the real you for the first time in hours - probably days, weeks even. 

"So am I." Noah yelps when you pinch his side, your laughter growing louder. "Hey!"

"I'm trying to be nice here, asshole. You can at least try, too."

He softens at that, eyes meeting yours. He's well aware his face is on fire right now, cheeks pink.

"You already know I'm lucky to have you. Didn't realize I had to say it."

Even if he doesn't say it often, he is very lucky. So incredibly lucky to have you in his life, for sticking by him and for understanding him. For always being patient with him. Jolly reminds him occasionally how lucky he is to have you, how all of them are lucky to have someone like you in their lives. He doesn't know what the fuck he or anyone did to be so deserving of you, but dammit, he's fucking thankful for it everyday. 

You don't say anything, just continue to beam up at him and Noah can't seem to stop himself, tilting his head down to brush his lips against your forehead. He feels you press further into his chest, if it was even possible, and practically melt in his arms. 

He wishes he could keep you here forever, tucked away in his arms. He thinks there isn't much he wouldn't do to keep you safe, to make sure you were okay, and that thought alone scares him. He'd never admit it, at least not out loud, and he tucks that thought away for another time. Or to possibly be never thought of again, he doesn't know. He doesn't really care.

No, all he cares about right now is that you're okay, at least for now, and that you're nestled against his chest like it's the only place you want to be. 

And that's enough for him. 

[wandering-pirate]

Headcannon: controlling jimmy like your evil little dog. Is he lowkey a psychopath? Yes. Will he do literally anything for you? Also yes

a/n: To the lovely anon who sent this, mwah, chef's kiss🤌🏻 you’ve unleashed something unholy. be warned tho, this entire thing? no thoughts, no logic, just pure, unfiltered degeneracy for our co-pilot (sometimes you just gotta let the intrusive thoughts write the headcanon, y’know?)

So enjoy the ride—you sicko. (cause girl, same.)

Jimmy x Reader

Jimmy Zane is one peculiar man, and somehow, he became your boyfriend. How'd that happen? You better blame your slasher-film obsession as a kid.

Your Human Guard Dog

The man acts like you're gonna get snatched from him 24/7. Imagine being in public with him. Scaring some, unnerving many.

Some guy accidentally brushes past you, and Jimmy’s already stepping up with a cold smirk

“Apologize. Or don't. Been looking for an excuse today.”

You have to grab and drag him away (not helping that the man's built like log) before he ruins a face for the second time this month. “Baby, please, we’re here for snacks.”

But the moment you give him a subtle signal, tho? Oh, it's game over.

Some creep starts chatting you up with a repulsive smile, and Jimmy doesn’t even raise his voice when he appears behind you. Just leans in, looking them dead in the eye:

“You wanna keep those teeth or should I start counting them out.”

You casually mentioned being annoyed at your co-worker for being too yappy and Jimmy?

Yeah, already halfway out the door

“Say no more, princess.”

Physically stopping him was impossible and you wagered with the pervert, all night letting off his steam through you

Your Unhinged Yes-Man

After the restaurant's reception was rude on your friends' night out. You texted him

“Ugh, I’d love to see this place burn to the ground.”

No replies from him, but 5 minutes later, you nearly drenched your friends with the wine you're drinking when you saw him outside, holding a can of gasoline

One time, you complained about someone’s annoying laugh. Jimmy didn’t say anything, just calmly glanced your way with that familiar glint in his eyes.

“Don’t even think about it,”

“What? I didn’t say anything, love.”

Later that night, he casually asked

“How much do you hate that laugh? Want me to rip their throat out? No more ha-ha’s ever again.”

“STOP TRYING TO SOLVE EVERYTHING WITH VIOLENCE!”

The man's pride was more hurt than his face when the pillow landed, you paid for it tho ;)

Your Deranged Liaison

Want something without spending a dime? You can get it by the magic effect of compliments!

"Oh, I love your jacket!" Boom, appeared in your closet the next day, suspiciously smelling like someone else’s perfume

"That scarf’s so cute!" Already folded on your pillow the week after, and you’re 90% sure you saw a TikTok about it missing

“Jimmy, why is there a name tag stitched into this shirt?”

“Souvenirs are better with backstories.”

"Is-- is this blood?"

You finally confront Jimmy: “Isn’t this… someone else’s?”

He just shrugs, smiling sweetly (unnervingly wide) “Not anymore.”

[district4loading]

What’s ur take on how sana would assure her partner that there’s nothing going on between her and dex 🤣🤣

Just imagine it

Your famous girlfriend does an interview with a guy that she's told you not to worry about. She came to you about it maybe a few weeks ago saying that the same guy that named her as his ideal type—whatever the fuck that means—has invited her to be on his show.

Of course, you expected her to politely decline but when she flashed you those eyes and touched your hand, you could tell she wanted to. At first it was a hard no, or rather "Hell no" in your words. It's not like you didn't trust her, you were just uncomfortable with all the ideas that people might get. When you voiced your concerns about everything she promised that there wouldn't be any room for any of that because it'd be strictly professional.

She promised.

So imagine your surprise when you sit down to watch the interview—because of course you want to support your girlfriend's solo schedule—and she's flirting with him the whole time.

At first it shocked you, the giggling, the blushing, and especially the way she was looking at him. You could already see the comments "They would make a great couple" "Sana and Dex dating soon?" "They definitely went on a date after this" "They have good chemistry"

The fucking rumors.

It honestly made your stomach turn. You stopped watching around the halfway mark because by that time you'd seen enough.

You sat there for a few seconds, contemplating your next move. Should you call her? Should you yell at her? Should you punish her? Shit you felt like doing all three.

It's a sort of betrayal mixed with jealousy you felt burning and spreading rapidly like a fire in your chest that has you a bit restless. She's working right now and apparently her schedule is intense today so she won't be back until maybe midnight.

That meant you had time to think things over and how to approach this, how to confront her about it and tell her how you feel in a healthy and productive way. Rather than immediately start accusing her of things.

Yeah right

The moment Sana entered your shared apartment, she could feel the energy. She brushes it off though because she's tired and the only thing on her mind is a long, hot shower.

She puts her bag down on the counter and smiles big when she sees you "Hey, babe. What are you doing up?" She asks, initially assuming that you'd be sleeping because you had work in the morning.

You only lean forwards and rest your hands on the counter, not even bothering to turn and look at her before you mutter "Couldn't sleep."

That's when Sana begins to suspect that somethings up but she doesn't say anything, she only hums "Why not?" stepping closer so that she's behind you, then she snakes her small arms around your abdomen and presses the side of her face into your back.

Like an idiot, you almost forget that you're supposed to be mad at her right now because the feeling of her holding you is almost too comforting. But you quickly remembered what she did. So with a sigh, you grab her hand and gently nudge it off of you so you can step away from her. You're finally looking in her eyes and she has this surprised look on her face, like she’s got no clue why you’re upset with her.

"Your interview came out today"

It takes a moment for Sana to realize what you're talking about and when it hits her, it’s so obvious because she breaks eye contact with you and looks away "Oh really? Which interview?" She turns away from you and opens the cabinet.

Whenever Sana's nervous she tries to occupy herself so she doesn't have to make eye contact. After being with her for so long, you've picked up on that small habit of hers. "The one with that Dex guy"

Your jaw clenches at the mention of him and Sana pulls out a small glass cup. She doesn't say anything to you, she only walks over to the fridge but before she can open it you put your hand on the handle. "What happened to keeping things professional?"

You're looking directly at her, beginning to get frustrated because she won’t even attempt to meet your eyes. "I- look" She pauses, then you grab the cup out of her hand and put it on the counter.

"I had to sit there and watch you flirt with him Sana!" You raise your voice unintentionally and it makes her flinch a little. For some reason, that makes you feel bad.

"Listen baby, I know what I promised. I'm sorry but my manager told me that I had to flirt with him to make it interesting" Sana finally builds the courage to look into your eyes and the hurt in them almost breaks her heart. She reaches out to grab your hand, and holds it a bit tightly so you can't pull it away "I promise, that's all it was"

"I don't know... you were blushing and fucking giggling at the guy! Acting like you're some high school girl with a crush"

Sana lets go of your hand "What are you trying to say?"

"Did you see him after the interview was over?"

Maybe it's crossing the line just a little bit to ask Sana if she's cheating on you with him, however you let the comments get to your head. It made you feel insecure and jealous like some toxic teenager and you hated how you couldn't control yourself.

"What? No! Of course I didn't!"

Sana blinks, looking a bit shocked that you'd even ask her a question like that but you're still not convinced. "Are you in contact with him? Did you exchange numbers?"

She bites her lip nervously "Yes" She continues quickly to explain herself "It's really only for professional purposes though! I exchange numbers with everyone, you know this"

You step backwards, noticing how fast your heart’s beating at this point. "Give me your phone" You put your hand out and Sana looks at you like you've lost your mind.

It's something you've never asked her to do before. Trust was something so present in your relationship that you didn't feel the need to. But now there's something inside of you that needs more reassurance, something substantial like proof.

So you keep your hand out as you wait for the dumbfounded girl in front of you to come to her senses. She does eventually and quietly reaches in the back pockets of her jeans to pull out the phone.

Sana unlocks it then hands it to you "So you really don't trust me?" She crosses her arms almost like she's upset. You see it in the corner of your eye and you hear the bitter tone in her voice but you ignore it as you go through her phone.

Everything looks okay, you see her messages with Dex and they're completely professional, nothing incriminating at all. So you look up at Sana, who's been staring you down the whole time and you hand her phone back. "See? You have nothing to worry about"

She steps closer to you with a small smile on her face and now you're the one trying to avoid eye contact. Only because you feel like a fool for letting your jealously get so bad that you invaded her privacy like that. Whether or not she was willing to give you her phone, it still wasn't right.

Sana reaches her hand up to cup your cheek, then she makes you look at her "Hey" She whispers "Are we good?" She doesn't wait for your answer, she pulls you in for a warm embrace.

You nod your head "Yeah, but you still should've told me. That way I wouldn't have had to watch it and read all those comments"

"I'm sorry baby, I meant to give you a heads up but it slipped my mind" She mumbles into your chest as you run your fingers through her hair "You forgive me?" She asks, lifting her head to look at you.

"Yeah" You can help but smile when she gives you those puppy dog eyes "I forgive you"

"Good" She breathes in a bit then sighs "I hope you know that you're the only one for me, I don't have eyes for anyone else"

You smile a bit at her words cause they give you butterflies but you play it cool "Yeah, I know... Sorry I got so jealous"

Sana gets on her tippy toes and kisses your lips "Don't be ridiculous, you're kinda hot when you get like this" Sana lets you out of her grip and she begins to walk off and you shamelessly watch her. Then she stops and looks back at you "Maybe you can join me in the shower?"

You don't miss the way she winks before she continues to walk towards your bedroom. Immediately putting everything behind you, you follow closely behind her, knowing that you were in for a good night.

-

A/N: Haha this is a funny one!!! I really do wonder if Sana was dating someone when she did that interview with Dex and how that conversation went.

Either way, I hope you all enjoyed this one. I haven't been working on fics lately because writers block is crazy but I'll try to work on my next fic tomorrow.

[susiekern]

14. the one with the rain

warnings: swearing, mentions of alcohol

word count: 747

lyrics from: Rain - Sleep Token (please let's just pretend I haven't used it before already...)

masterlist

previous | next

You’re splayed on your bed, keeping your eyes on the clock, watching the minutes pass. 11:59 pm, 11.12.24. One more minute. You still have no idea what happens at midnight. Zenin stayed true to his words, and besides the one ominous text, he didn’t reveal anything. What will happen in one minute? Is it the tour announcement? Is it new merch that fans have asked for for so long? A new song? Whatever it was, the mystery around it made you excited as ever. Not only you, Twitter was buzzing under the Fallen hashtag, with many fans waiting for anything, just like you were now.

12:00 am.

Your phone lights up with a single notification from Spotify.

“New release: The Fallen invites you to the room below in their new album! Save it now!”

New album? Whole album? With shaky hands, you grab your phone and tap on the notification. There it is. “The Room Below” by The Fallen, 10 songs. You put your headphones on faster than ever and instantly click the play button.

Around 25 minutes in, you’re more than half done. You recognize a few of the songs, two of them previously released as stand-alone, and one is the song they played in Kyoto, the one Zenin told you he wanted you to hear live first. You rest your head on your pillow comfortably, hearing the first notes of another one. Rain.

‘For so long, I have waited

So long that I almost became

Just a stoic statue, fit for a nobody’

You don’t even notice as your fingers tap the sheets to the melody. A melody that seems familiar in a way.

‘And I don't wanna get in your way

But I finally think I can say

That the vicious cycle was over

The moment you smiled at me’

Zenin’s voice floods your brain, words making your heart beat faster. You could imagine his figure standing tall on the stage, holding the microphone tightly, eyes closing behind the black and gold mask.

‘And just like the rain

You cast the dust into nothing

And wash out the salt from my hands’

Just like the rain… You abruptly open your eyes, head spinning. You’ve heard something like this before. You’re sure of it. But when and where? Who said that? How do you know this melody? They haven’t played it before, of that you’re certain. So how?

‘So touch me again

I feel my shadow dissolving

Will you cleanse me with pleasure?’

Just as the melody gets heavier, it hits you. You’ve heard it many times already. Your eyes instinctively move toward the wall separating your room and Megumi’s. He played it two weeks ago, last week, hell, even two days ago, when you were napping in his bed as he was strumming his guitar. It was obviously a little different played on acoustic guitar in his room than the electric one in the song, but it’s the same melody.

‘And just like the rain

You cast the dust into nothing

And wash out the salt from my hands’

The memory of your evening in Kyoto hits you out of nowhere, and you swear you’re out of breath for a second.

‘Once in a while, Megumi gives you a soft kiss on the lips or the top of your head, whispering gentle words. Barely awake at this point, you catch a few that make your heart clench.

“You’re like a rain that washes my heart of the dust and salt, dear.”’

“Just like the rain…” You whisper.

No. There’s no way, right? He wouldn’t do that to you. But it also makes so much sense at the same time. Why he was supposedly out of town when the Fallen played in Tokyo, why he was in Kyoto that weekend, even being out with his friends after the announcement was posted. Why you’ve never even heard Megumi hum when he played specific songs. Or how Zenin found your stream out of all people.

Was Megumi the Zenin all this time?

‘Nobody can say for certain

If maybe it's all just a game’

Was it all just a game? Your relationship? Or whatever you two were building for the past weeks? Every time he held you close, kissed you, comforted you? Was it entertainment for him to listen to you talking about the Fallen and Zenin?

‘When I open my eyes to the future

I can hear you say my name

So rain down on me’

tag list (lmk if you wanna be added!): @nytylie @fresa-luna @syrooo @zaranobiyuyu @jvpit3rr @pandabiene5115 @good-mourning0 @pearlydays @irwinchester @pxppetmxster @ivydoesit23 @zayuriluvs @applepi25 @s777athv @estella-novella @wgafa @pookalicious-hq @lovely-maryj @briezy04764

[billiesbossanovas]

Letters

High school au

Warnings: angst angst angst, death, su!cide mentions, self harm mentions, relapse mentions. Please read at your discretion.

If anyone reading this, or reading any of my work, or just so happens to even read just the warnings, know that I’m always open for you to talk to me if needed, please take care of yourself and know that you are loved and cared for. <3

This fic is kinda me projecting 🙂‍↕️ (extreme exaggeration for some parts)

Natasha Romanoff x gn!reader

Not proof read

—

You, y/n l/n, are part of the popular group in school, just from being long time friends with Tony stark, he was in the football team, mvp every game, best player in the whole school, you grew up with him, went through all levels or school with him, though you are the very contrast of him, nerdy, you would rather be reading than running around getting all sweaty and dirty.

One of his friends had caught your eye almost immediately, Natasha romanoff, a charming, tall redhead, at first she had struck you as kind, she smiled at you in the halls, even stood and had a conversation with you one time, that soon fizzled out, you had no idea why, she just started getting rude, giving you off handed comments or just flat out ignoring you. But you shrugged it off, it wasn’t anything major, just enough to make you slightly uncomfortable around her.

You sat on the bleachers watching as Tony was practicing with his team, him being your ride home meant waiting.. and waiting.. and waiting. It was annoying but also got you out of the house for longer. It was hard at home, your dad being ill and your mom being.. well your mom, so being out of the house was the best thing for your mental state, Tony knew that, he was the only person who knew how much you’d been struggling, how much you hated being at home. Hated being anywhere. So he offered to take you to school and drop you back at home after practices. He didn’t know everything, not about your plans or how you’d relapsed a week ago and feel back into your self harm as a coping mechanism, but some things are best kept secret, even from your best friend, especially from your best friend.

Natasha came and sat next to you, knocking you back into reality and huffed, she rested her chin in her hands and looked over at you. “What are you writing?” She snorts and laughs as you scramble to close your journal. “You’re such a dork” she grumbles before leaning back and watching as the team practices. You shove your journal into your bag and move it onto your other side, Natasha watches it and scoffs “I’m not gunna look in your precious journal” it’s said in a mocking way, but you know she means it, she’s not invasive, never has been.

Tony runs over to the two of you and gives a confused look before tapping you in the leg with his foot. “Ready to go?” He’s out of breathe and extremely sweaty to the point his hair was sticking to his forehead.

“Yeah- yeah let’s go. See you later Natasha” you stand up and put your bag on your back, she gives you half a wave and waits for Clint, he runs over and sits next to her as you and Tony walk away.

“So.. you doing okay?” He asks as the two of you get to the parking lot, you hum in response as he slings his football boots and jersey into the back seat of his car. “I’m here for you, you know that right?” He looks at you over the car, you give him a tight smile and sigh.

“I know.” Is all you give him, he stares at you, its intimidating like he’s trying to get information out of you with a stare, he lets it go after a second and climbs into the drivers seat. “Hey do you know my Natasha suddenly hates me?” You get into the car and out your seatbelt on, Tony takes a second to answer and looks over at you.

He opens his mouth and goes to speak a few times before smirking. “Tasha probably just likes you” he starts driving, he’s going the long way home, he always does. You just nod and think about it, if she liked you why would she be mean, acting as if it was a chore to speak to you without insulting you.

“Nah. I don’t think so.” You respond, the rest of the ride is quiet, the only sound being the hum of the radio, Tony focused on the road and you just watching as the houses and trees blur into one big mess, your demeanour shifts as soon as the corner turns onto your street.

Tony notices the shift in your energy, and the miserable look on your face. “You could sleep over at my house, my dad wouldn’t care.” He offers, trying to ease you a little, the offers nice, it would be great to even have a single night away from home, but you couldn’t, it wouldn’t be fair. You need to do chores, make sure everything is okay in the house.

“I-I’m okay, I’ll be fine.” He pats you on the shoulder, and watches as you drag yourself into the house. The moment you step in, you hear your parents arguing, you don’t what it’s over, but they’re loud and now only really shouting insults at each other, it had been going for a while now by the sounds of it, all you can do is sigh before walking up to your bedroom.

Dinner is silent, your dad eating what he can manage from his plate and your mom glaring at you while you eat. You look up at her, she scoffs and takes her plate to the kitchen sink. “You know you could help out once in a while.” She starts, aiming the statement at you. “I’m sick of doing everything around here. You could at least wash the dishes- or do the laundry.” You Finnish your food and take the plate over to where she is. “But even then you’d probably fuck it up- why don’t you just go study- or talk about me to your friends. Seeing as that’s all you do.” She takes your plate from you and starts washing it, you turn around to walk away from her. “I never get any help in this house.” She gritts out through her teeth, making a pang of guilt filter through your body as you make your way upstairs to your bedroom.

A sigh of relief leaves your mouth as you close your bedroom door, you pick up your bag and take out your journal, sitting at your desk to finish writing your letters, the one addressed to you parents being the first one you finished, you had one for everyone you were close with, just for if anything where to happen to you, the one you struggled with the most was Tony’s. What would you even write to him, all you could write was ‘I’m sorry’ you’d work on it more later. Flicking forward a few pages you write a name down to start a new letter.

Natasha, you also didn’t know what to say to her, how would you write a letter for someone to read after your death, when they don’t like you, and you’re basically in love with them? You sighed and layed your head in your desk onto of your journal trying to think, you closed your eyes, maybe it would help. In the end you fell asleep ontop of your notebook, being woke up to your mother pounding on your bedroom door announcing Tony was here, and you needed to get of your ass and go to school.

Over the course of the next week, everything had gotten worse, Natasha constantly ribbing on you for writing all the time, To y started slowly pulling away as things with pepper started to get more serious, you were left to deal with your thoughts, and your parents on your own. Your dad had gotten worse, he’d been admitted into hospital which made home life basically hell as your mother raved and screamed about how useless you were, how you could do so much more with your life’s yet you spent it locked away in your room. While you agreed on the latter, you could be doing normal teenage things, going to parties, getting into a relationship. But you spent your time locking yourself in your bedroom, crying yourself to sleep after making yourself bleed, because that’s what you deserved, to feel pain. You were a shitty friend and child, so why not make yourself suffer even more.

The day your mother burst into your room and shouted “you’re so fucking useless, you can’t even wash the dishes correctly. If you’re weren’t here my life would be so much easier.” There was more to the rant, but that’s the part that stuck to you, that was your breaking point. When night time rolled around you finished the letters off, and packed them insulate into envelopes with people’s names on them. They’re out into your bag, and you leave the house at four in the morning, leaving the letter for your parents on your desk ready for whenever they decide they want to speak to you.

It’s cold out, the only thing keeping you even remotely warm being a thin zip up jacket, the walk to Tony’s house is weirdly relaxing, crickets chirping, wind rustling through the leaves, making you wonder if you actually wanted to leave this all behind, before you knew it you were at Tony’s door posting the letter. ‘This is the right decision’ was all you could tell yourself, justifying your plan.

Now it was Natasha’s place, you walk up to her house, to your suprise she’s sat on the door step with a cigarette in her hand as she takes a drag. “Oh I didn’t know you smoked.” You mutter out as you stand at the edge of her porch.

Natasha laughed and blew out smoke, she looked at you confused then patted the spot next to her, you gladly took it and sat down. “I didn’t know dorks snuck out at night” she smirks at you and flicks her cigarette out onto the grass. “What are you doing here anyway?” She asks with a sigh leaning back and looking off at the still dark, early morning sky, it’s clear, the stars are out it’s beautiful.

“The night is so calm..” you mumble softly as you look at her, “beautiful..” you don’t know if it’s about Natasha or the stars, she looks over at you. “Right.. here” you hand the letter over to her. “Just don’t open it until I’m gone.”

Natasha watches as you walk away from her, she looks at the letter, her name written in your unkempt hand writing. She opened the envelope with care and unfolds the lined paper.

‘Natasha,

Where do I start? Well for one I’m sorry if I’ve done something wrong to make making you pissed off at me. Quite honestly I took a liking to you i really like you, a lot. And maybe in another universe we could have happened, I would’ve been easier for you to love, for anyone to love for that matter.

I love you, I’m sorry. ‘

As she read the letter, you were already climbing over the edge of a bridge, your shoes off sitting next to your bag. You stood there for a while, watching the water, maybe someone would see you and pull you down. Maybe deep down you didn’t actually want this. No, you knew this is what had to happen, what would make everything right, make everything okay.

Your jacket blows in the wind, the sun just rising over the water, giving you a sense of peace, clarity even, the wind blows in your hair, a rush coldness shivers its way down your body, for a moment you stop and think, are you just being dramatic? What if this makes everything worse?

There’s running the distance, Natasha comes sprinting towards you. “What are you doing!?” She shouts as she gets closer, she stops behind you, you don’t turn around, but you don’t step off the ledge either. “Come back on this side- you don’t have to do this” she whispers watching incase you make a move.

“I don’t have to do anything.” You mutter in response. “I don’t have to stay or go. But this is my choice to make, and I’ve already made it..” you look back for a second, Natasha looks frantic, her eyes wide, her breathing heavy and fast paced, she takes a step forward.

Natasha spends thirty minutes trying to get you to come down, talk you out of it, anything. You always thought it would Tony in this situation, maybe in the back of your head, you decide this time because you knew he’d be asleep, wouldn’t get a chance to read your letter before you’d get to the bridge, you listen quietly as she pleads for you to come down.

You take your jacket off and hand it to her, she looks at you confused. “A-are you coming down?” She asks softly, she takes your jacket and holds onto it.

“Put it on” you mumble, now looking at the risen sun, the way the it’s making the sky purple and pink, it’s gorgeous, reminding of Natasha. She doesn’t bother pulling the zipper down. “I love you” you sigh out as you hear her fumble with the jacket, when it’s over her face, that’s when you take the step, Natasha’s scream is over run by the rush of the wind in your ears, your arms extend, for a second, it feels like your flying, like your dad is holding you up in the air when you were two, a smile makes its way across your face, it’s only lasts a second, nothing more or less.

Then you hit the water, you close your eyes, there’s no pain, no cold washing over you, no warmth, no tears, and for a moment, you’re happy, really happy, truly at peace.

And there was nobody to take it away.

[clrasecretdiary]

You're just a little bit too much like me | Spencer Reid x Reader

Enemies to lovers | angsty fluff

Word count: 1755

Warnings: Normal criminal minds type of violence, mention of guns and gunshots, age gap (Reader is about 25, and Spencer is in his late 30s)

Content: Spencer being an asshole because he doesn't know how to deal with his feelings and how you remind him of his older self, past Spencer trauma (implied but not directly mentioned), self-doubt, Post prison! Spence

It was a difficult situation, only your second week on the job and the first time you had to make that kind of decision. You went alone to a location where the suspect might have been at, all of your teammates were further away so, as reckless as you now recognize it was, you went there alone, instead of waiting like Spencer and Emily asked you too. You didn't want to lose your chance, there were more than 3 days on the field at stake here, you did not want to disappoint your colleagues and just stand there waiting like a dumb newbie, so you made the decision.

“I'm going in” You warn your teammates in the radio, not waiting for a response before storming into the unsubs house.

You bust the door open with your feet, storming into the house. As you look inside, you find the unsub taking his gun from a drawer. Thinking you had an advantage as his back was facing you, you rush to try and immobilize him, but somehow he managed to turn around and shoot you.

You growled in pain as your body dropped to the ground, just before you passed out completely you heard the sound of rushed footsteps. You heard two voices, one you recognized as Emily's going after the unsub, and the other as Reid's talking to you.

“Please don’t go to sleep, we need you awake” His voice was soothing, far different from the tone he always used with you ever since you joined the team this year, but he sounded so worried, and you really did try to stay awake for him, for your team, to show that you were okay and that they needed to go after what's important, the unsub, but you couldn't. The last thing you heard as your vision got black was him yelling at his radio, “Medical, we need medical right now”. And then, everything went black.

You are now back at your first day on the job. Still at your house, confused as to what outfit you should use, so anxious about being so young at the top team of profilers, even thought it was a last year internship you hoped to impress them enough that they would hire you officially for the team, so your anxiety was through the roof wondering whether you really deserved to be there (goddamn that impostor syndrome). But most of your worries went away when you met the team, you would never imagine that the best profilers in the FBI and maybe in the world would be such good, kind and even funny people. They all welcomed you, seeming excited to be able to work with you, except from one of them.

Doctor Spencer Reid, you had read about him and his genius mind, you even went to a couple of his lectures on forensic psychology, honestly? You were a fan, and you were so excited to meet and work with someone you looked up to. Unfortunately, he didn't seem as eager to meet his new coworker. He just stood there in the back, staring at you while you introduced yourself to the team, the most he did was mutter a “morning” when you sat next to him in the briefing room.

Never meet your heroes, they say.

Now, you're back at… Where are you again?

Your eyes begin to open, you're completely adrift until you finally begin to recognize the awful white light, and the coldness of the room. You're at the hospital, no idea as to how much time has passed.

Jennifer comes into your line of vision, holding your hand, “Hey, how are you feeling?” her voice is calm, as she watches you sit up in the hospital bed.

“I'm fine, I think... I didn't even realize what happened back then. Oh shit, did you guys catch him?” You abruptly try to sit up, remembering how you couldn't get the unsub when you got shot, guilt washing over you as you started to piece together what happened

“Hey slow down, Emily went after him and made the arrest, the victim was rescued. He shot you, but it just grazed you. You did lose a lot of blood, that's why you passed out, but the doctors say you'll be fine to leave today. Don't worry.” She says as the doctor comes in to do his final checking.

You just agree with your head, lost in your own thoughts. You knew it wasn't your fault that you got shot, but still you felt so stupid. The hurt of not being able to catch the unsub might've been even bigger than the one from your wound, all of them had been in even more difficult situations than you and made it out without so much as a scratch, and you couldn't even catch an unsub that was alone?

After a few hours, you were back on the jet, finally heading home. The guilty was still bothering you, and you even apologized for the mistake. Hotch just asked you to be more careful and follow instructions next time, but overall, the team seemed genuinely happy you were fine. Except, of course, for Spencer, who ever since you got in the jet was staring daggers at you.

Later, the jet finally landed, and you were eager to get home. You quickly went to the office to get a few of your things, Unfortunately, you and Spencer were now all alone in an uncomfortable silence waiting for the elevator.

“That was reckless” Spencer mutters under his breath

“I'm sorry, what?” You turn in your heels to face him, had you heard that right? Is that the first thing he's going to tell you after you just got shot?

“What you did on the case, was reckless and naive. You should've followed our instructions, you can't just do what you feel like doing” he's looking in your eye now, his voice coming out angry but with a hint of… worry?

“I'm sorry ok? I tried to do something, I just did not want to just stay there waiting while he could be doing god knows what inside that house” Your voice comes out more shaky than you wanted it to, the weight of the guilt pressing into your chest

“Still, it was reckless and stupid, you should never just storm into, alone, a place where an unsub might be, you never know what he might do to you, what might be waiting inside.” His gaze is cold, almost as if he's not actually here talking to you, but somewhere inside his head and his memories.

“Trust me, I know that. I regret my decision, but I wasn't doing what I felt like, I tried my best, Reid.” You turn to look directly in his eye. Yes you did something wrong, but you wouldn't let him out of all people talk like that to you “I might be the youngest on the team, the one with less experience but trust me… I'm not dumb, I earned my place here.” Your voice shaky when you said that last sentence, the insecurity you felt showing through your words.

Something in his gaze shifted after that, his expression became softer, almost sympathetic. “Listen, I'm not saying you're not qualified, I'm sorry if it came off like that, just be careful… That could have ended a lot worse, trust me I know”

“ I will” The air between you two less intimidating now but still heavy with tension, you two step in the elevator, the whole way to the garage an awkward silence until you two finally reach the bullpen's garage.  

Even thought you felt like now maybe he didn't absolutely want you gone from the team, you were still curious as to why he is so cold to you

“Sorry, I need to ask… Why do you hate me?” You turn to him, after finally gathering the courage to ask this question

“What do you mean, don't hate you”

“Yes you do, I mean you're not obligated to like me but since I joined, you didn't even meet me yet and just gave this cold look”

His eyebrows furrowed as he processed your words, clearly taken aback by your directness. He sighed, a hint of regret in his eyes, and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "It's not about you personally," he finally admitted, his voice softer than before.

“What is it about, then?”

He takes a deep breath before starting to talk “You're only 3 years older than me when I joined this team, I know what it does you, to your mind. I guess I just saw way too much of me, of who I used to be, in you, and it terrified me to be honest” His cold facade disappeared completely now, in its place a soft and genuine expression.

“So you were, and I'm sorry for the words, an asshole to me because you were worried?” You almost can't wrap your head around it, all this time you felt like one of your biggest references in the BAU hated you, but instead he was caring for you.

“Yes, I see how it comes out as “asshole” behavior, but my brain just went full shutdown when i saw you” His face turns slightly red when he notices what he just said – Freudian slip or just a bad choice of words? He doesn't's know for sure – His hand goes to awkwardly scratch the back of his neck “I mean… for the resemblance, of how I acted when I had just joined, of course”

You give him a small smile, and just like that your side that has been a fan and read all of this man's articles comes back to life “Of course. Thank you for worrying but maybe instead of hating me you could… I don't know, if it's not too much of a bother of course, help me? I value your worries Doc, maybe you could help me not make the same mistakes you did”

He nodded, a hint of relief washing over his features. "I'd be happy to help," he said, a genuine smile finally breaking through. "I might not have all the answers, but I can definitely share what I've learned along the way."

“I'm happy to hear that, thanks, Doc. Reid” You wave at him as you begin walking over to your car.

“Hey, just call me Spencer” He smiles warmly at you

“See you tomorrow Spencer”

[jinxsmascara]

"Why do you like Silco from arcane SOOOOO much ?"

Well... number one: father figure of a character i KIN

Number two: his back story is the perfect exemple of ascending into...pure rage and unforgiveness like:

WARNING ARCANE S2 SPOILER !:

He was just a guy who worked with his brother in the mines and both were friends with Vi and Powder/Jinx mother (Felicia) ... yes he was a revolutionary , yes he was like "im too punk and edgy and cool for caring about the future ! Lets make Zaun !" Which was understandable i mean you live in a poor shitty undercity and you are looked down by the Pilities who never have to worry while you are in the slums worried if you will even have a tomorrow (lack of food n water / contaminated food n water , live in the streets for the most unlucky ones etc etc) and the Topside wont hear you , if course you go "FUCK IT LETS RIOT !" ... as we all know Silco fought on the bridge with Vander and Felicia (well maybe she didnt wanna fight because she had Vi and Powder/Jinx so maybe she was with them because she had to run from enforcers ?) ... and Felicia died (we dont know if Silco accidentally killed her wanting to punch an enforcer but in his "high" of "OH MY GOD IM PUNCHING EVERYONE !" or she was already dead (i think its the second option because we can see his face drop as he sees Felicia lifeless like "...no no no hey no this isnt supposed to happen !") ..) , Vander saw Silco at the wrong moment wrong time , and decided to just attack him...

Now just imagine that: you are fighting for your life and your people's lives , and you see your bestfriend dead , and you try to process that shit all while you have raging enforcers running at you wanting to arrest/kill you , and on top of that you have no time to explain or you simply cant explain to your brother why and how y'all best friend died ... and this brother of yours decides to attack you and kill you in the worse ways (drowning + gauging your left eye out) ... all you can think about is "i lost everyone... he hates me ! They all hate me! i hate them all ! Betrayers !" , you dont have time to think "its a misunderstanding ... its gonna be okay" ...

Of course i aint condoneing everything , im just stating the facts like...of course he would turn out this way after that crap ! The opposite woulda surprised me !

Also despite his "im a fucking menace" act... you can see when Vander attacks him again in S1 A3 , his first reaction is to FREEZE and have flashbacks of him being drowned again... THAT GUY STILL GETS MF PTSD LIKE DUDE GO TO THERAPY AND CALM YOUR TITS ! (He has to shake himself off like "WAKE UP HE IS GONNA KILL YOU !" to react)

(No i wont mention how...lame the excuse letter was , i mean , I know vander is shit at this (thats what he says in the letter too bwaha) but...he could have maybe asked for Benzo or someone else to help him write the letter for Silco ? Like instead of just "yeah uhm im sorry uhm...find me at the bar eh ?" (Which would have infuriated Silco even more imo , like imagine you get disfigurated and almost killed and the person who did that gives you a poor piece of paper ? He would have gone like "OH YEAH IM COMING TO THE MF LAST DROP AND IM GONNA KICK HIS DAMN ASS !" instead of "...mehhh fine okay") like an actual "lets have a talk...like two adults" one-)

Thankyou for assisting an episode of: Jinx takes a globally insignificant thing too much at heart !

- Jinx out

[lemotmo]

I agree with all of this, "hope this helps" 🤣🤣. It would not be cheating at all and even if it was cheating I still wouldn't care 😅. Where do you sit on this topic?

Q. Let me start by saying I desperately want Buddie together but I have a growing suspicion that they're going to insinuate or outright show that they kissed at the bachelor party and that would taint them from go for me because putting them together through cheating, especially on a character the show established had turned into a really good guy, is so unnecessary and disgusting and ruins them right off the bat.

A. I wasn't going to reply to this ask but I have several similar asks currently sitting in my inbox so I'm going to respond even though this person is clearly a tommy trying to pretend to be a Buddie. How are you all still so bad at all of this nearly a year on? Your ask is a completely disingenuous take. If having them kiss at the bachelor party ruins them from the start for you then you don't 'desperately' want them together. You don't want them together at all and I don't know why you feel the need to pretend that you do. When the bachelor party takes place Buck and Tommy had been on ONE very bad date. Yes, they had a conversation where Buck said he wanted to try again but they were not a couple. You can't cheat on someone you've had one date with. Furthermore the show definitely didn't establish that Tommy had become some stand up remarkable human being, that is laughable. He was a sexist racist when they needed him the first time around for Chim and Hen, and he was a gay man the second time around when they needed someone for the coming out storyline. That's it. The show didn't care to establish anything else about him. The fact he left Buck standing on a curb after he understandably panicked a bit during their first date and then told Buck Abby went crazy when he dumped her pretty much illustrates though that he wasn't a great guy.

Forcing real life moral codes onto fictional characters is always a recipe for pain though. You can't do that. The very nature of the media they exist in doesn't allow for real life moral rules to always be followed. Real life people don't always do the right thing. Expecting fictional character to do so is ridiculous. Drama comes from their mistakes so television shows will always have them screw up and make bad decisions every now and again. I don't want them to have kissed at the bachelor party because I don't want their first kiss to be a flashback, but I won't be terribly bothered if that is the route they take because it's not that big of a leap to make. They made a point of making both of them drunk, Oliver mentioned in an interview while talking about filming the karaoke scene that everyone needs a little liquid courage now and then. They made a point of releasing the deleted scene with Eddie telling Chris about how he met Shannon and what he liked so much about her when they first met. The show then intentionally had the bachelor party mirror that story with Buck talking all night long and showing how close and intertwined they both were all night long. The karaoke song even fit the callback of that story from Eddie. We also cannot ignore the fact that Eddie basically blew up his life following the bachelor party so going back and showing that something did indeed happen between the two of them that night would not be some astronomical story leap. I have said from the beginning they filmed way too much content and spent way too much money for those scenes to just never come up again or be shown. I don't think we're getting the actual karaoke scene but I do think we might get some of the other scenes in a flashback of some kind but we don't know that for sure. That New Year's Day post was definitely an intentional choice and it was certainly an interesting choice, but it doesn't necessarily indicate anything bachelor party related is coming. It could just be one more thing to add to the growing belief that Buddie is very much coming though.

Lastly, even if Buck and tommy had been in a full blown years long relationship and the show had Buck and Eddie get together by cheating on him I still wouldn't care or be angry. They could murder him, chop him up and dispose of the body and I would call it the most romantic thing ever. I genuinely don't care about him at all. Hope this helps ☺️

Thank you Nonny! 🤗

As for where I stand on this topic?

Listen, I grew up on soap operas where everyone cheated on everyone.😋 It never bothered me. In fact, it brought some extra tension and I love that in a show. So I don't really care one way or the other.

But also, Tommy wasn't his boyfriend at that time. They were trying things out and so far Tommy had proven himself to be a bit of an ass. So no, if we find out that Buck and Eddie kissed or made out during that bachelor's party? I will cheer.🙌🙌🙌

I've been here since te beginning. They need to get this show on the road and if this is the way they have chosen to go? I'm fine with it.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

IMPORTANT! Please don't repost this ask and/or a link that leads straight to my Tumblr account on Twitter or any other social media. Thank you!

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Remember, no hate in comments, reblogs or inboxes. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.

If you are interested in more of Ali’s posts, you can find all of her posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

[biaswreckme]

i choose you and me | san/reader

It's been years, yet there he was, in front of you, and all feelings came rushing back.

Fandom: Ateez

Pairing: San/Reader

Member: San

Length: 1000 words

Rating: Explicit/18+/MDNI

Genre: Smut, Fluff

Tropes: Friends to Lovers to Strangers to Lovers again, Second chance

Triggers/Warnings/Tags: smut, alcohol mentioned, reader doesn't have a name, gn!reader

A.N.: hiiii @skteezcursed i'm your secret santa! i hope you have a great 2025, and i also hope you enjoy this little piece of writing with sannie as much as i enjoyed writing it ♥

Thinking in retrospect, you shouldn’t have been surprised. Your friend liked big parties and knew a lot of people, so you should have expected that her birthday party this year would be just as big as the ones she liked to attend. You should have expected the loud music, the table with snacks, and the one filled with bottles and more bottles of alcohol. You should have expected some of the familiar faces, considering she told you she wanted to invite people from back then, almost a high school reunion.

But more than anything, you should have expected him. 

Choi San.

How many years has it been since you last saw him? Probably when you were parting ways over a decade ago, breaking up before going to college, a misunderstanding hanging over both of your heads and hearts before both decided it would be better to end things, promising to keep being friends yet never truly following through. Once upon a time you looked him up on social media, curious as to how he had been living, how he had been doing, so you knew he looked a little different now, his features more filled out. However, social media pictures on your phone didn’t do him justice in real life. 

You let go of a breath you didn’t know you had been holding when your eyes first happened upon him. He was so different now, yet his eyes still had the same softness that had you falling in love with him in the first place. His body, however, it was a completely different story. When you dated him in high school he was thin and on the smaller side, but now he was big, his body much more filled out and he exhuded an air of confidence. And just by looking at him, you felt all those forgotten feelings rushing back, butterflies dancing in your stomach. Almost as if nothing had changed, no time at all had passed. And before you could gather up your courage, he was the one who took that first step, getting closer to you. 

“Hi,” he said, his smile soft.

“Hi, San,” your voice shook in the two words, and his eyes closed, smiling even more. 

“I guess I’m not the only one that is nervous. It’s… been a while.” 

Even your chuckle was a little shaky, but hearing he was nervous too? “It has… how have you been?” You asked, your nails digging into your palms, trying to calm down. You felt his hands on yours and before you could ask anything, he made your hands unclench, intertwining his fingers into yours. This was something he used to do when you were together whenever you felt anxious, and your heart swelled knowing he remembered.

“I miss you,” he stated, looking into your eyes. “Did you miss me?”

“I did, I do miss you. Every single day,” you answered, “and seeing you now, it’s like all the feelings I had for you never faded…”

He gave you that smile, the one that showed his dimples and almost closed his eyes. And with his hands still holding yours, he pulled you with him, walking to what you assumed was a room in the rented house. You hoped your friend would forgive you both for ditching the party so soon - well, technically you were still there -, but the key was still in the lock, and so you turned it, ensuring that no one would interrupt you. Tomorrow you would talk to him properly, but now, his arms were embracing you and his mouth was pressing onto yours, his tongue gently asking for permission to deepen the kiss, his hands splayed against your sides. 

Being pressed against his body was heavenly; he was sturdy and safe. His confidence showed in his kiss, in his touches as he slowly undressed you, in his fingers as he slowly opened you up for him, both unhurried and in a rush at the same time to feel you be completely his again. You silently thanked the heavens for the fact that he carried a condom with him, and as he pressed the head of his cock against your opening, you thought to yourself that he had got even bigger there. His scent overwhelmed you as he lowered himself onto you, his chest pressing against yours, your nipples sensitive from the chilled air and feeling him so close to you again. 

It was like he wanted to devour you, consume you, his entire being making love to you, barely letting you breathe as he kissed you deeply, intensely. His hips moved in a pattern and rhythm that was familiar yet new, and your nails clawed his back as you tried to hold onto reality, pleasure overtaking you much quicker than you expected. You shook in his arms with the intensity of your orgasm, and he soon shook in your arms too, pressing his sweaty forehead on your neck, his breath showing he was just as affected as you. 

When both of your breaths had slowed down enough to a normal pace again, he rolled over and pulled you into an embrace, his fingers caressing your hair, your fingers tracing the small details in his face and the freckles on his neck. You had never felt this way with anyone else in all these years, and you had a feeling that he hadn’t either, if only by the glistening in his eyes and the fondness with which he looked at you.

“I know there’s probably a lot we have to talk about,” he started, “we’ve grown, we’re probably different people now, and I’m doing this completely out of order, but would you like to go on a date with me?”

You smiled, “I would love to, San, I would love to give us a chance again. Please don’t let me go again.” 

San enveloped you in his arms, kissing you gently, whispering that he wouldn’t let you go. He was choosing you and him. 

[hihomeghere]

Right Person, Wrong Time Part two / John Marston x f!reader

Summary : You’ve tried to pretend that night with John never happened. But you can’t ignore him for much longer, especially not when Abigail asks you to talk to him

Word count : 2k

Warnings/tags : Cursing, reader is pushed against a tree, angst that leads to fluff, platonic Abigail x reader, John x reader, graphic mention of sex, mention of past pregnancy (not readers), John’s a deadbeat dad, alcohol, past Abigail x John, let me know if I missed any

not proof-read, I'm lazy

Divider by @saradika

“You make him better, ya know?” Abigail’s voice pulled you out of your thoughts. Almost making you drop your gun as you ran the oiled rag over the barrel. 

“Pardon?” You asked, turning to glance at her. She still wasn’t looking at you, instead her gaze was affixed to Jack as he sat in the grass.

“You make him… I don’t know- just better.” She said with a small shrug.

“Jack?” You asked furrowing your brows as you looked over at Jack before back at her.

“No- Christ I’m not talking about Jack.” She huffed, exasperated that you hadn’t managed to read through the lines. “I’m talking about John.”

Oh. You pursed your lips, running the rag up and down the barrel, not saying a word.

“Don’t know how you could think that.” You muttered, shame creeping up your neck along with a deep fuchsia. 

“Really?” She asked, raising a brow, “Well I-“ she let out a sound between a scoff and a sigh. “Course you weren’t around when he got bad.” She said, shaking her head. 

“What do you mean?” You asked, setting your revolver down next to you. Turning to face her head on.

“When you left he… he would just sulk. Walking around, moping, picking fights.” She listed off, rolling her eyes. “Hell, the only time he wasn’t baring his teeth like a damn dog was when…” She trailed off, her lips a thin line. It didn’t take a genius to know what she was alluding to. You didn’t know what the hell she was talking about. John had acted like Abigail was the moon and stars before you had run off. To think that he actually missed you. That was near unbelievable.

You scuffed the toe of your boot against the dirt, painfully aware of the silence stretching between the two of you. “Then I got pregnant and then Jack was born. I thought… I thought he might- he might’ve come to terms with being a father once he was actually here.” She scoffed, shaking her head. “But he was never the same after you left.” She said, her voice taking on a melancholy tone as her blue eyes met yours. 

“Abigail, he’s an idiot alright?” You started, shaking your head. Trying to hold onto your breakfast as your stomach churned. “The damn fool probably realized what he’d been missing out on-“ She cut you off by barking out a laugh.

“Don’t go trying to sell me shit, telling me it’s ’chocolate cake’.” She shook her head. “It ain’t me or the boy that’s suddenly turned his disposition around, it’s you.” 

You looked away from her, your eyes on Jack as he played.

“Abigail-“

“No. You listen to me.” She said, grabbing your hands, her grip ironclad. “You’re the only damn person in this gang that he gives the time of day.” She sighed, shaking her head. “I just- maybe you could talk to him about Jack?” She asked, tilting her head to meet your eyes. “The boy needs his father.” She squeezed your hands, and your heart clenched in response. “If not for me… then for Jack?”

What the hell were you supposed to say, no?

“Yeah… yeah okay.” You nodded, sighing through your nose.

“Ya mean it?” She asked, a smile tugging at her lips, “Oh, thank you.” She pulled you into a hug, squeezing you tight.

“Alright, alright.” You chuckled, gently pushing her away. “I’ll talk to him.”

If you weren’t such a damn chicken you would have done it that second. But you were just as much of a coward as he was. Poetic, wasn’t it?

A week had passed since the incident. The incident where you came on his cock, his seed still dripping out of you as you ordered him out of your tent. The moment you had dreamt of for years, became your biggest nightmare. Your stomach flip-flopping every time his eyes met yours from across camp. You could never escape it, escape him.

When you saw him push the hair back from his face, all you could think of was how it felt through your fingers. How his lips felt against yours, on your neck. How his teeth felt digging into the column of your throat.

You were pathetic. On top of all of that you had gone right back to being Abigail’s friend, when you had betrayed her in the worst way possible. You were no better than him, returning to her with your tail behind your legs. The only difference between you and John, is that she didn’t know the atrocity you had committed against her, against Jack. Sure, they weren’t together anymore, but it didn’t make you feel any better.  

So maybe that’s why you were doing this for her, as some atonement for your transgressions. The sun was slowly setting as you walked through camp, your stomach tied in knots as you looked for John. You found him near the campfire, pulling a bottle up to his lips as Javier played the guitar. His melodic voice carried through the camp, even if you couldn’t understand what he was saying, it was beautiful.

You could feel John’s eyes boring into you as you glanced over at Javier before turning your attention back to him.

As your eyes met, it was like a crack of lightning. The air suddenly turned charged between the two of you.

“Can I talk to you John?” You asked, sighing deeply.

“No.” He scoffed, rolling his eyes as he brought the bottle to his lips, taking a long drink. You cringed as the liquor overflowed out of his mouth, running down his chin. He coughed, wiping away the liquid with the back of his hand. 

“You serious?” You scoffed, crossing your arms as you glared at him.

“Yeah.” He grumbled, narrowing his eyes as he reclined in his chair. Spreading his legs as the bottle hung loosely from his fingers. 

“Are you already drunk?” You asked, narrowing your eyes..

“Does it matter?” He huffed, rolling his eyes. Clearing his throat before bringing the bottle back to his lips. You clenched your jaw, his words igniting a fire in your belly. You stalked over to him, grabbing the bottle out of his hands.

“What the hell?” He growled, jumping to his feet as he tried to take the bottle out of your grasp. If he hadn’t been inebriated, you wouldn’t have stood a chance.

You held it out of his grasp, pushing him backwards. “Stop.” You huffed, not breaking eye contact.

“Fine. I didn’t want it anyway.” He threw his hands up in the air, beginning to stumble away from you and the fire. You sighed, rolling your eyes as you set the bottle down in the dirt before following after him. 

“John!” You called, chasing after him as he walked farther away from camp and further into the nearby trees. “John, stop!” You started to jog, losing sight of him.

He moved out from the darkness. His hands fisting the collar of your shirt, as he pushed you back up against a tree. 

“What do you want, huh?” He growled, his body a hard line against yours. ”Now you want to talk after you’ve been walking round camp, fucking torturin’ me?” He stepped closer, caging you in further against the tree. You wrinkled your nose at the smell of the liquor on his breath. 

“The hell you talking about?” You huffed, pushing back against him.

“You, damn it!” He huffed, his eyes narrowing into slits as he slammed you back up against the tree. 

“Get off of me!” You growled, glaring up at him.

“You wanted to talk, let’s fucking talk.” He held your body to the tree before he let go, stumbling backwards. “You’re the one who wanted to talk so damn bad so talk.” Your body finally caught up with your mind as you moved towards him.

“What difference would it make, you probably won’t remember this in the morning, too piss drunk.”

“Yeah? Well I remember that night.” He snarled, crowding in on you. “You can go around pretending like it didn’t mean nothin’, like I didn’t mean nothin’.” You swallowed thickly, heat flooding your cheeks.

“That ain’t what happened-“

“Then what the hell did happen?” He shouted, throwing his hands up. They fell to his sides as he stared at you. “I… Christ I know I messed up before but I… I can’t go round pretendin’ like nothing happened that night.” He sighed, his anger replaced by something more somber.

”You… you have a family, John.” He sighed, sitting down on a nearby stump, his head in his hands. 

“You think I don’t know that?” He asked, raising his head.

“You sure don’t act like it.”

“You don’t know how damn hard it is.” He huffed, shaking his head. “I don’t- Abigail is a good woman but she ain’t the one for me. Jack- well he deserves someone who knows how to be a father, a better man.” He muttered, running a hand down his face.

“You’re that man, John.” You sighed, “Sure, you were a fool and a coward-“ He glared up at you, “but you came back. Now, you just have to try.”

“It’s not that simple.” He muttered, shaking his head. “It’s- everything used to be so damn easy.” He ran his hand down his face. “Before- before you left.”

You pursed your lips, crossing your arms as you looked down at your boots. 

“Now Abigail and you are always mad at me and… and now there’s Jack.” He sighed trailing off, “I just- I want things to go back to the way they were.” He said, his eyes finding yours in the pale light of the moon. Your heart clenched uncomfortably as you swallowed past the lump in your throat.

“It can’t.” You sighed, walking over to him. “But that doesn't mean it can’t get better.” You said, offering him a weak smile. He stared up at you, his brows pulled together tightly. “Things aren’t ever gonna be the way they were. That’s just life.” You said with a small shrug, “We made our decisions and we gotta live with them.”

“I shoulda’ chose you.” He mumbled, lowering his gaze.

“But you didn’t.” You said sitting down next to him, “And now we got Jack, and he is one of the best if not the best kid there is.” You smiled, nudging his shoulder. He ran his hand down his face again, rubbing at the stubble on his cheek.

“He gets it from his mother.” He sighed, looking up at you.

“He’s got a good chunk of you in him, Marston. The best parts.” You said, “Hasn’t learned all the asshole traits you possess yet.”

“Shut up.” He chuckled, rolling his eyes. The two of you sat together in comfortable silence, looking up at the star filled sky. 

“Did you miss me,” You asked, not daring to look over at him, “when I left?” You bit your cheek, waiting for his response.

“Course I did.” He said softly, looking over at you. “Every day.” You swallowed thickly, your eyes moving from his to his lips. Before you could second guess yourself, you moved forward, pressing your lips to his. His hands immediately moved to cup your cheeks, pulling you closer to him. You held onto each other as though the other would fade away into the darkness that surrounded you. The taste of whiskey invaded your senses as he slipped his tongue into your mouth, claiming you for his own. 

The two of you slowly broke apart, resting your foreheads against each other. 

“I gotta talk to Abigail.” He mumbled, letting out a small sigh. 

“Yeah you do.” You said, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear.

“You ain’t gonna pretend this didn’t happen tomorrow right?” He asked after a moment, a sense of vulnerability in his tone. 

“No way in hell, Marston.” You chuckled, nudging your nose against his. “You gonna remember this tomorrow?” You quipped. 

“Don’t know how I could ever forget this, darlin’.”