#this is why i can never bring myself to hate her despite her being a project scientist and all lmao

[bloop-bl00p]

In defense of Octavia

TW: Lots of Trauma Dumping, Mention of abuse

She’s been wronged way too many times in this fandom for some reason. Look at her vibing, how can you hate her?

I’m a fan of Helluva Boss, mainly because of its potential but the quality dropped dead in the second season. We’re gonna talk about a character I’ve seen other fans misinterpreting in favor of the so-great Prince Stolass.

I want to talk about her mainly because I do what I want and because after studying her character I just realized that she’s just like me. Especially regarding her relationship with her father, I see myself in my younger years.

All of that to say…

She has all the right to feel abandoned.

Octavia obliviously has a stronger bond with her father, it shows in her behavior and little background details

When she wants to draw her family, she draws her and Stolas, we mostly see her being happy with him which leads me to think that she’s emotionally neglected by Stella. To her, Octavia is just an ‘egg’ that fell off her and she doesn't care about the impact killing Stolas could have on her daughter.

Despite being emotionally absent, Stella has a much more physical presence than Stolas. Most of the time Stolas is alone in his castle which leads me to think that Octavia is somewhere else with Stella. They did mention the two went on a weekend somewhere. This leads us to this question…

How can Octavia feel more close to her father?

Here’s the thing, I see a lot of my family dynamic here. My mom doesn’t pay attention to me at all, she doesn't want me to bother her and she makes it clear. My dad, however, who’s absent like 90% of the time, always tried to spare time with me. He explained to me that he was working and why he was doing all of this (I was like barely ten) but it never prevented him from trying to play with me, sharing his hobbies, going on a walk, and else.

He was there emotionally and, as a kid who was bullied, had no friends at all, and a mother who didn't give a damn, I cherished this relationship.

I believe the exact same thing happened with Octavia, we never see her with friends or even outside the castle, she’s isolated. Stolas has Prince duties, we’ve seen him carry them in the shows, hence why he’s mostly absent leaving her with her mother. But, at least when she was a kid, he tried to do stuff bringing her to Loo-Loo Land or being the one to comfort her. That is why she clings to her father, he’s the only one who actually shows her love and she’s terrified of losing that.

Regarding her mother, Stella obliviously doesn't care about her so the feeling is reciprocated. From a narrative standpoint, Stella is an unpredictable force of nature getting angry for pretty much anything that doesn't go her way. So Octativa learned to not cross her mother's path.

I know this expression, this is the “Oh fuck… they’re at it again?” she’s used to her mother's constant screaming, she's used to her parents fighting.

She did say they were a time when a parent didn't hate each other, which to me refers to the time when Stolas tanked Stella’s abuse. But, that doesn’t mean that Stella wasn't abusing him in front of a younger Octavia, she’s erratic and they did imply that she can get physical in her toxic behavior. Since Stella was passive, it was probably mostly harmful comments.

Putting personal things here, my mom was also very abusive to my older sibling. Since I was extremely young I learned not to ‘be a burden’ to avoid being abused as well, which includes things like not talking to her unless she does it first. Whether Octavia is aware of the physical abuse or not, she must know enough to know that it’s a bad idea to annoy Stella.

This is the only picture where we see her seemingly having a good relationship with Stolas, which to me feels like she’s faking it considering all we know about the family.

She has a pretty shitty household but her relationship with her father make it bearable until Stolas did a 180°

He randomly started to prioritize Blitz and don’t spill me the bullshit of ‘he’s trying’ he stopped trying long ago.

Let’s analyze this episode by episode:

In Loo Loo Land, Stolas seemingly tries to rebuild a visibly strained relationship with his daughter by bringing her to a park she liked when she was a kid. To this, she immediately responds with an “I’m not 5 anymore.” and an “I rather kill myself.” There’s no room for miscommunication, she doesn't want to go there, and she won’t enjoy it as much as she did back then. Still, he decides to go there, showing that he doesn't listen, and, he brings the one the thing that is currently ruining his already horrible marriage because of his own actions. Blitzø.

He’s trying to spend time with his daughter after a long time (this is mentioned in the episode) and he decides to bring in that one guy he’s hooking up with to deliberately make sexual remarks about him in front of her.

She’s uncomfortable the whole time, not just because she allegedly doesn’t like listening to her father's comments but because she doesn't like the park. She said it, yet Stolas doesn't acknowledge it, he doesn't realize the faces she makes which are to me pretty communicative of her annoyance and discomfort.

This is not even subtle body language, yet he only notices it when she runs off. The worst part is that he still finds a way to think about Blitzø when his daughter leaves.

He looked upset that Blitzø didn't follow him! Did he expect that guy to pursue him constantly? He was in the middle of an argument with his daughter, I personally would have stepped away to give them space to talk and reconcile. But no, apparently Blitzø should be at his beck and call all the time.

But you know what, after all of this. He still apologized. That absolutely does not negate everything he did during the day but, at the end of it, he finally listened to her and even brought her to a place she actually wanted to be. Which is good, he acknowledged her discomfort and did something she liked.

Until Seeing Star.

Look I know Stolas was busy with Stella but he clearly doesn't care about her and her stuff.

Don’t tell me he couldn’t pinpoint Stella’s location with magic and teleport all of her belongings to her. Their discussion was barely about the furniture, he could have said that they were gonna be delivered and hung up the second he saw Octavia. Arguing with Stella is pointless, he’s the number one guy that should know that! Why does he continue to insult her, he’s just fuelling the fire!

Moving out her belongings would have been 10 times faster if he just hung up the phone, then he could have had a more mindful talk with Octavia without the constant bickering of his ex-wife.

But he didn't for some reason, fair enough, I guess. The writers do whatever they want. Anyway, Octavia got angry and ran to go see the stars on her own.

So, Stolas’ castle is in Pride but my point still stands, Octavia had the time to run from home and make the way all from her father's place to the city, find the specific building Blitzø held his organization in and Stolas didn't notice a thing.

You cannot tell me Stella managed to get his attention for that long AND you cannot tell me that his castle is close to the shitty disaffected building and the populace. His daughter ran off and he did not notice a thing.

Not only that but he has the nerve of blaming Blitzø for not watching the book. Like, dude! You should have watched your daughter instead!

Then he spills out more bullshit.

I don’t know Stolas, how could you possibly find her when you were shown to have countless abilities to do so?

Like bubbles projecting the image and locations of people.

Or that on time when you possessed corpses and one woman just to go full eldritch monstrosity just for one that one guy you’re cheating your wife with. And don’t whine about “They don’t love each other.” it’s still affecting his family, mainly his daughter so it’s still bad.

Of course, you do all of that without your grimoire without any problem, brushing it off with a…

I guess he forgot his ‘ways’ when it came to Octavia. But honestly, Loona literally found her easily just by looking at her Instagram account, couldn't he just call her or something? The girl had her phone the whole time and he didn't just think of calling her.

Me when I forget that I have teleportation power when I am in an enclosed space with nobody is looking.

You’re certainly not worrying right now. Via literally told him to his face that she was scared and he kept flirting with him even though he once again caused her to run away because of his neglect.

He’s not trying his best, THIS IS NOT TRYING!

No Loona, his daughter communicated very clearly issues related to their relationship, rather than reassuring her and being there for her as much as it’s realistically possible (he still has duties to carry), he gets in an avoidable petty fight with his ex and keeps an unhealthy dynamics with an imp he's been obsessing over. He doesn't focus, his priorities aren’t straight, and now Octavia feels abandoned.

I did mention that I had a good relationship with my father back then, but it stopped abruptly. His focus changed and he went out with friends after work and gradually stopped spending time with me. Until we never spent time together again, (to give you an idea the only moment where I could see him was in the morning for breakfast) now that can sound silly but I was a child, with no friends and a neglectful mom, losing the only good thing I had in life broke me. I knew his schedule, I knew he was spending time with work buddies and that just stung my self-esteem even more leaving me feeling like a burden when I was just a kid who wanted to feel love.

This is why I don’t like the “He’s trying.” I know what a trying struggling parent looks like and I know what happens when they stop. If you keep trying to do something and you’re constantly failing, either your technique isn’t the right one or you’re not and you’re convincing yourself you are.

And then there are people that’ll tell me that “He lived through the abuse of Stella for years for her.”

If you read all of this then I don’t feel like I need to explain how Octavia was at least partially exposed to Stella's toxic behavior and was affected by it.

For those who don’t know how it feels to live with an erratic mood-swinging person, it’s pure constant stress. You have to think constantly before you talk or move because you know that if you fuck up you’re gonna pay the price. And if you still eventually mess up you can never know with these types of people! You can’t defend yourself because the punishment will be far worse. You are ALWAYS in the wrong.

So he lived through the abuse of Stella just so his daughter could get neglected and abused in a less physical way?

The difference between my parents and Octavia is that they love each other. Stolas doesn't give a damn about Stella, he did say he was nice at first because he empathized with her they were in this shitty situation together, and fine, it's reasonable. But she never changed! Stella stayed the same! Why didn’t he leave her when he stopped carrying about her?! There’s no trauma bounding, Stella isn’t guilt-tripping or manipulating him, they got the child he could have divorced her easily without consequences! If anything, she’s the losing part of this divorce she’s lower in the hierarchy! “Andreaphul will get angry.” HE’S A MARQUIS! Hierarchically speaking Stolas is far more important and he mopes the floor with his peacock ass!

Am I supposed to be empathetic with that one dude who willingly let his daughter grow up in a hyper-toxic environment with an emotionally neglectful and unpredictable wife?! Am I supposed to believe he cares when he kept sleeping in his house in his bed with the same guy his daughter clearly is worried he’s going to leave her with?! Really?!

Don’t ever tell me that this is trying.

[creativitysloyalservant]

i have decided to break my lack of original posting on this blog to bring you my Thoughts on Rot in Paradise. because i played it as soon as i got up this morning and i have scoured for some opinions after finishing it, and now i have my own!!

(and also i posted this on twitter but twitter has such a Shit wordcount that i'm also posting my things here with More Detail)

so! spoilers under the cut, please go and play the game if you haven't. it takes literally an hour (it only took nearly 2 hours for me because i like voice acting by myself and exploring every nook and cranny) and it's also free. so maybe come back into the tag once you're done.

okay, so i noticed quite a number of people being confused and disappointed on the lack of an explanation for the monster. it's brought up in the story as the central thing driving the plot, but it's never explained on what "she" is, why she's compelling people to eat a ton of fish-related food or hell, metal, and why this doesn't impact June at all.

but you know what I think?

i think that that's the point. the focus of rot in paradise isn't supposed to be on the monster.

yeah, it's the thing that pushes the plot along besides June and the gang going on vacation in this island. it's what's causing that uneasiness from the moment that guy grabs June's arm at the drinks, to the sheer unnerving feeling of witnessing people going to the ocean to get Raptured basically. i know i personally felt a chill when i saw that one dude literally eating chains and the other hauling an anchor, as if they're trying to make themselves heavier so they get taken by whatever She is.

but that's not the main point! the main conflict is about June and her friends.

as people have pointed out, this game is about toxic friendships and relationships! it's foreshadowed in the conversation that June has with the gang about her cousin (which i will also get into), and it carries it through the way her friends are horribly warped by this ocean Creature. June goes on a silly little vacation trip with her friends only for them to become so so different from themselves that they lash out at her and even hit her in McCoy's case.

but she still sticks it out with them. through the whole game, even despite their verbal abuse, despite being slapped, despite them being people that she can hardly recognise. she stays with them for the whole game, up until the point where you are given the two options at the very end. and she could still stay with them.

because they're still her friends. she cares about them even if they still hurt her. from the way June still tells Carmen to tell June if she needs anything after Carmen literally tells her to shut up and leave, the way June worries about Vonnie eating seafood even though she continues to stuff herself despite being implied to either hate or make an active choice to not eat seafood, to the way June still trudges out to sea screaming for McCoy to come back to the shore as he wades further in even after he slapped her until her nose bled.

it mirrors the conversation about her cousin, the reason for why June was looking forward to the vacation. that while she did comfort her cousin through all of it, June clearly says that "they were dickheads, and she should have ditched them a long time ago".

but it's funny, isn't it? that June, an outsider to her cousin's friend group, easily sees the pain that her cousin's friends are causing her, and immediately calls it as it is. that her cousin should have left the second they hurt her.

and yet now, when her friends hurt her, even though this was a quick and sudden change that happened in a span of three days, June still sticks around. her friends are dickheads right now, and we can see that in the way they interact with June, but she still stays.

because they're her friends. and how could she just leave them like this if it's something that's causing them to be this way?

so no, i don't think the monster is supposed to be the main picture. we don't need to know what it looks like, or why it needs to do this to the islanders, or how it's even doing it in the first place. it adds to the scariness of the game, as per the Spooktober Game Jam, sure, but that's not the point. might be a bit disappointing to some, but that's not the point.

the point is about June, and the choice that she needs to make at the end of the game.

it's a choice on whether she chooses to be pulled deeper into the tides and be with the friends who hurt her and will continue to hurt her in this way,

or to leave them to their fates, whether deserved or not, and resurface to a world where she's alone without her friends.

and even though the first choice hurts much more in the long run, doesn't the second hurt even more in the moment? knowing that you're alone at the end of all of this?

even if it is the right choice, i'm sure the pain must be unbearable in the moment.

[moneymartin]

PLEASE PLEASE do a kate martin fic where the reader is her ex and they cannot stay away from each other. like “uh oh” by tate mcrae PLEASE

・❥・- favorite bad decision

summary: you see kate at a practice after the two of you split

warnings: nfsw mdni. 18+ as fawk! but the smut is kinda short sozzzz

rpf. don’t read it if you don’t feel comfortable

a/n: i’m negl all my kate fics are fluffy cause i cannot see myself writing smut. (but i try to deliver so this sucks cuz i got a lil uncomfy) 😭 also i’m sorry for lacking on my writing im so stressed w all these exams im taking and some family problems. this also might go off track cause i wrote this half asleep 😕 didn’t know how to end this one too

stars are the skips :)

it’s been 5 months. 5 stupid months since that relationship you refused to let go ended. you couldn’t believe it either when your girlfriend suddenly said “we need to breakup.”. she never told you why, despite the multiple calls and texts you sent when she left the morning after that were begging for her to come back or at least explain why she felt that way.

you felt like absolute shit.

it was a long relationship, your longest one too. it was the fact you believed it would last forever. you wished for it to last when you saw those repeated numbers and whenever a star dotted across the sky. you believed in those silly little things, but you only believed in them for this stupid 1.5 year period.

everything felt like it had been going your way during those times. you felt alive again after meeting kate. she was the definition of a literal ball of sunshine when it came to you. constantly bringing you to her basketball games, showing you off to her friends and teammates, introducing you to her family. things were great. the feeling was refreshing, especially after being in probably the worst relationship of your life.

a guy played you behind your back so many times and you were unable to figure out yourself. the second you did, you didn’t even know why or what to do. you struggled with school from the thought of never finding out what he thought was weird about you or why he even considered doing that in the first place. you treated him like he was the best boyfriend in the world!

then kate had dug you out of a hole you thought you’d never have the guts or the fucking courage to get out of.

“there’s nothing wrong with you trying to get your mind off of it y’know.” jada says. shes been helping you cope with this thing even though her and kate are the closest people ever. she’d never tell a single soul anything you always talk to her about. “coming to our last game in carver won’t be that bad!”

“yeah, not so bad until i see kate! you know how i feel about her, jades. it hurts.” you murmur and swipe the back of your hand against your face. there’s a painful feeling at the bottom of your stomach and it makes your skin crawl uncomfortably. “i’m not going and there’s nothing you can do to change my mind.”

jada’s face contorts into a half smile when she hears the way you talk about the whole shebang. she knows you that still can’t let it go, and she wishes so badly that you could let kate go. “right.” she breathes out and grinds her teeth together. “you don’t need to come.”

but you do anyways.

you sat there at court side awkwardly, watching the hawkeyes train before their final home game. you only saw caitlin, hannah, gabbie, syd, and kylie. jada was sitting next to you and cheering on her teammates. thankfully, you didn’t spot kate anywhere close or on the court at all.

until you fucking did.

kate walked in through the tunnel and dropped her gym bag on the floor, a loud thud echoing through the arena. she had her hair up in that same stupid braid, that same stupid smirk on her face, and that same stupid look in her eyes. you hated her so fucking much and you hated the fact that you couldn’t stop thinking about her no matter how hard you tried to.

that churn in the stomach made you feel like you had level 1000 cramps, but it was just that feeling you got when you felt absolutely sick to the core. sick because you didn’t know what, or how to feel after seeing kate again. it was the shitty feeling of not knowing why she even chose to leave you in the first place. it was the feeling of frustration when you saw her smile again. the feeling of confusion rushing back to you. you felt like a small child getting yelled at when she broke up with you, it was when nothing made sense at all to you. when you didn’t get the answer you wanted after multiple tries of begging for it.

you didn’t understand it, and you still don’t.

“you alright?” jada snaps you out of whatever the hell you were thinking about and you jump slightly, eyes diverting away from kate. “yeah, why wouldn’t i be?” you huff and smile with your teeth out. your body starts to grow numb and you feel as if you can’t breathe as well as you normally would, which jada notices. she grabs your shoulders tightly and places her palm on the side of your face to move your head towards hers. she knows you’re staring at kate. “you’re not fine.”

thanks captain obvious.

“yeah, obviously not!!!” you blurt out way too loud. it makes everything and everyone around you stop. the sound of the balls dribbling against the floor and the continuous chatter around you just stops. everything is silent and you know that its because of you. your face flushes at the embarrassment you feel and you step off onto the court, walking towards the exit. the sound of footsteps follow you and you don’t even have the guts to turn around. it seriously feels like you’re about to get completely flamed for acting out at a clear statement about what you felt.

but it’s not jada. or caitlin. it’s fucking kate.

a wave of anger and bitterness rushes through you like no other, and you can’t tell whether to be upset or nervous about this little interaction. you still love kate and you know that. “you like to yell, huh?” she chuckles and pushes your shoulder lightly. when her hand touches you, you don’t move away and just let her do it.

“lighten up, will ya?” kate’s lips curl up into the damn smirk again and she looks at you with those eyes. the eyes that she knows you can’t say no to, the eyes that got you hooked in the first place. “i missed when you acted up like that, to be honest.”

you’ve missed her touch so badly, but you just can’t admit it.

there’s a lot of things you acknowledge in life. things that you know. you know whats right and wrong when it comes to decisions and when it comes to certain things like seeing people you know you aren’t supposed to.

but you know that this is right. it always has been.

promises are always broken too, and this was one you swore you’d never break. it was hard, especially because kate was the hottest fucking person on the planet. saying ‘no’ to her was practically impossible. she asked you to come over after the game and you happily complied. which was a horrible idea.

“you’re such a fuckin’… asshole.” you whine out and let out a bated breath. your body shivers when kate’s fingers run up and down underneath your shirt and when her breath hits your sopping core. she’s in between your legs and eating you out like a madwoman. your head falls back into her pillows, fingers gripping tight at the roots of her hair and the bedsheets on the side of your body. “am i?” she mumbles, sending vibrations through your body that you haven’t felt in months.

that feeling is so good. and you know it. you missed it when kate acted up too. seeing her all tough on the court made something reignite in your stomach again, and it exploded when you saw her in the locker rooms. you literally dragged her out of there while she was in the middle of a conversation with addi and into your car. you couldn’t even wait before your lips were eagerly on hers and her hands were roaming in all the right places.

“yeah, you are. you fucking bitch…..” your voice goes up an octave the moment kate licks a stripe up your pussy and starts leaving hickeys around your thighs and stomach. “i tried ignoring you when i saw you at the club last week. all i wanted to do was jump into your arms and kiss your face off.” you admit awkwardly and let out a quiet cry the moment your stomach turns into knots. you’re close and she can feel it, her head diving down again while you absentmindedly hump at her face.

“shit!” you whimper and prop your head up, watching kate lap up every last drop of your cum. “i got you, baby,” she breathes out heavily onto your stomach. her breath is warm and she presses her cheek up against it when she feels your legs shake. her thumb rubs your sides and she looks up at you, rising up slightly and keeping herself steady with her hands. yours grabbing at her shoulders. when she keeps herself up you can feel her arms bulging underneath her shirt and she leans in. “mmf.. that’s my girl.”

her tongue swirls around yours, making you taste yourself all the way before the moment turns over quickly. “mhm..” you hum and slide your hands down her arms to get a feel again. the second you pull away, kate’s eyes go from feral to soft. she leans back and searches around on her floor, picking up your undergarments and sliding them on for you. “it’s okay.” she smiles and moves her head towards you. kate rests her head on your chest, chin in between and her arms around your stomach while your fingers cup her face.

you’re never gonna be able to stop forgiving her if she keeps doing this to you. and you know it.

[linkspooky]

Spinner ending kind of confirmed for me that even if Horikoshi does bring back Shigaraki/Tenko, it won't be so he can heal the League, and they can reform together. I get the sense that we are even supposed to feel like all of the villains *deserved* their fates, that it isn't something they deserve saving *from*. It's like he couldn't decide between having them be evil + getting punished for it and having them be sympathetic to an extend + humanising them. I'm seriously trying my hardest to wrap my head around this, it feels so cruel??

I already talked about it in this post, but Obito's death is a much better example of how to "save the villain's heart" then what MHA is trying to sell us.

It's this excessive focus on whether or not the league's crimes are forgivable that's really the problem, because it comes down to the implication that once the league has crossed a certain line into unforgivable territory they're "no longer human" and therefore not deserving of human empathy for what they've suffered.

The main characters constantly use that line "I can't forgive them" so they don't have to think about the league as human beings who have suffered greatly.

What does it matter if they're forgivable or not? My Hero Academia is not a work that analyzes moral philosophy. I'm not reading Crime and Punishment here.

The theme they brought up is "Are heroes obligated to save the villains too, even if those villains have done unforgivable things."

I've stated this before but whether their crimes are forgivable or not is irrelevant to that question, because it's about the heroes obligation to save everyone not pick and choose who to save. They are government servants who are supposed to use their quirk to stop villains and save lives, but at the start of the story heroes only focus on the brutally beating down villains part of the job. The central theme of the manga is that the greatest hero wins by saving, and saves by winning, therefore Deku must save even his enemies.

The worst part is that despite bringing up the topic of forgiveness, MHA basically has nothing to say about the issue of what should be forgiven, what shouldn't, and how justice should be applied in this situation. It is wildly inconsistent because the villains are all held to task, whereas characters like hawks are never held accountable, and Enji while put in a wheelchair suffers way less consequences than his son and victim Toya.

Since MHA has like nothing intelligent to say about accountability, redemption and what merits justice and what merits forgiveness it might as well have just swept everything the villains did under the rug and thrown them in prison because we would have gotten the same result regardless. The story never addresses anything it brings up or applies consequences to the heroes so why do villains need consequences too?

I'm reading another comic right now Gunnerkrigg court, which actually discusses these themes of morality, and whether victims should be saved even if they've harmed others in the past.

Zimmy is a character being used as a human battery for the court's (a shadowy organizations) plan to create a new world without the Ether, which is a chaotic force that warps reality. Omega is a character who is for this plan, because she is 1) a semi-omniscient being who sacrificed her own bodily autonomy in order to help the court by giving them predictions of the future that furthered it's plans.

(Therefore, she does have the understandable perspective of, Well I sacrificed myself for the greater good so why can't Zimmy?)

and 2) Zimmy is kind of a jerk, who has an incredibly dangerous ability that puts everyone around her in harm's way. Therefore if you're going to sacrifice someone for the greater good she makes sense.

Zimmy isn't a perfect victim. She constantly gaslights her girlfriend by telling her that everyone hates her except for her so she'll never leave. (A girlfriend who is rather selflessly devoted to I might add). She is like, a walking bomb ready to go off at any moment.

At the same time the story never minimizes Zimmy's suffering with the idea that she "deserves it" for being a bad victim. The main character is consistently advocating for her, which also SHOWS the main character's empathy rather than MHA's habit of continually INISTING upon Deku's empathy without ever showing it.

I don't think the author expects us to side with Omega, but it does entertain her argument so it's a two sided discussion. To cap this off I hope this demonstrates the difference between what I think is a thoughtful depiction of a bad victim and to what extent the main characters are responsible for saving them, and a completely thoughtless one and why one is more entertaining to read than the other.

[romanticatheartt]

Feyre and Nesta

Not me, because Nesta had always known and hated that she and I were two sides of the same coin, and that I could fight my own battles. ~ acotar ch.4

I couldn’t bring myself to look at my slightly uptilted eyes. I knew I’d see Nesta or my mother looking back at me. I’d sometimes wondered if that was why my sister had insulted me about my looks. I was a far cry from ugly, but … I bore too much of the people we’d hated and loved for Nesta to stand it. For me to stand it, too. ~ acotar ch.7

Nesta merely stared at me for a long while before asking me to teach her how to paint. ~ acotar ch.30

���I couldn’t take care of us, not the way you did. I hated you for that. But I hated him more. I still do.” ~ acotar ch.30

“We don’t need you here, Feyre. Do not look back.” “Father once told you to never come back,” Nesta said, “and I’m telling you now. We can take care of ourselves.” Once I might have thought it was an insult, but now I understood—understood what a gift she was offering me. ~ acotar ch.31

“There is a better world, Nesta. There is a better world out there, waiting for you to find it. And if I ever get the chance, if things are ever better, safer … I will find you again.” ~ acotar ch.31

✩₊˚.⋆♡⋆⁺₊✧

“Nesta,” I said, starting on the other wing, “I painted flames for her. She was always angry, always burning. I think she would like Velaris, despite herself.” ~ acomaf ch.49

“Nesta is different from most people,” I explained. “She comes across as rigid and vicious, but I think it’s a wall. A shield—like the ones Rhys has in his mind.” “Against what?” “Feeling. I think Nesta feels everything—sees too much; sees and feels it all. And she burns with it. Keeping that wall up helps from being overwhelmed, from caring too greatly.” ~ acomaf ch.58

“She will never love freely and gift it to everyone who crosses her path. But the few she does care for … I think Nesta would shred the world apart for them. Shred herself apart for them.” ~ acomaf ch.58

✩₊˚.⋆♡⋆⁺₊✧

“I assumed you could read as easily as us.” “Well, I couldn’t.” “Why didn’t you ask us to teach you?” I trailed a finger over the neat row of spines. “Because I doubted you would agree to help.” Nesta stiffened like I’d hit her, coldness blooming in those eyes. ~ acowar ch.30

“Why do you push everyone away but Elain?” Why have you always pushed me away? Some emotion guttered in her eyes. Her throat bobbed. Nesta shut her eyes for a moment, breathing in sharply. “Because—” ~ acowar ch.30

I gripped Nesta’s fingers in my free hand. She glanced at me. I need you to trust me, I tried to convey to her. Nesta read the emotion in my eyes—and gave the barest dip of her chin. ~ acowar ch.31

“Run toward the light,” I breathed to Nesta. “I’ll hold them off.” “No.” “Run,” I breathed. “Please.” She hesitated. “Please,” I begged her, my voice breaking. Nesta squeezed my hand once. ~ acowar ch.31

But Nesta looked to me—and I could have sworn fear shone there, and guilt and … some other feeling. “You told me to run.” “You’re my sister,” was all I said. She’d once tried to cross the wall to save me. ~ acowar ch.32

And nearly made my heart stop dead with shock as she said, “You look beautiful.” ~ acowar ch.41

“It was some distant thing,” she said. “War. Battle. It … it’s not anymore. I will help, if I can. If it means … telling them what happened.” “You’ve given enough,” I said, my dress rustling as I braved a solitary step toward her. ~ acowar ch.42

“But beneath the wall, I witnessed children—entire families—starve to death.” She jerked her chin at me. “Were it not for my sister … I would be among them.” My eyes burned, but I blinked it away. ~ acowar ch.46

“Sometimes … I have problems with small spaces.” Nesta studied me for a long moment. And then she said with equal quiet, though we could all hear, “I can’t get into a bathtub anymore. I have to use buckets.” I hadn’t known—hadn’t even thought that bathing, submerging in water … I knew better than to touch her hand. But I said, “When we get home, we’ll install something else for you.” I could have sworn there was gratitude in her eyes—that she might have said something else. ~ acowar ch.52

“Nesta is many things, but she’s certainly loyal.” ~ acowar ch.61

Nesta broke into another sprint. I reached for Rhysand, his face taut as he stalked for us— But Nesta got there first. I swallowed my shout of pain as Nesta’s arms went around my neck and she embraced me so hard it snatched my breath away. Her body shook—shook as she sobbed and said over and over and over, “Thank you.” ~ acowar ch.65

A moment later, another warm body nestled on my left. Nesta’s scent drifted over me, fire and steel and unbending will. ~ acowar ch.65

I offered my hand to my sister. “I want you here for this. With me.” Nesta considered that outstretched hand. For a moment, I thought she’d walk away. But she slid her hand into mine, and together we walked into that room. ~ acowar ch.79

✩₊˚.⋆♡⋆⁺₊✧

“She wanted you there.” I wanted you there. ~ acofas ch.13

She settled back in her seat, crossing her arms. “Why do I have to be a part of your merry little band?” “You’re my sister.” ~ acofas ch.13

“I know you still blame yourself for your sisters being Made.” Mor nudged my knee with her own. “And because of that, you want to fix everything for them now that they’re here.” “I always wanted to do that,” I said glumly. Mor smiled crookedly. “That’s why we love you. Why they love you.” Nesta, I wasn’t so sure about. ~ acofas ch.18

But Nesta’s attention had gone to the birthday cake still sitting on the table, its various tiers delved into many times over. Her eyes lifted to mine in the silence. “Happy birthday.” ~ acofas ch.20

✩₊˚.⋆♡⋆⁺₊✧

Every piece of art had been picked by Feyre herself, or painted by her, many of them portraits and depictions of them—her friends, her … new family. There were none of Nesta, naturally. ~ acosf ch.1

“I’ll take the blame,” Feyre went on, “for allowing things to get this far, and this bad. After the war with Hybern, with everything else that was going on, it … You … I should have been there to help you, but I wasn’t, and I am ready to admit that this is partially my fault.” ~ acosf ch.1

“Keep your self-righteous do-gooder nonsense out of my life.” “You don’t have a life,” Feyre retorted. “And I’m not going to sit by for another moment and watch you destroy yourself.” She put a tattooed hand on her heart, like it meant something. “I decided after the war to give you time, but it seems that was wrong. I was wrong.” ~ acosf ch.1

“I built a room in this house for you. I asked you to help me decorate it. You told me to piss off.” “Why would I ever want to stay in this house?” ~ acosf ch.2

Feyre’s eyes blazed. “But I’m done paying for you to destroy yourself.” ~ acosf ch.2

There was nothing to bind them together anymore. ~ acosf ch.2

“Because she hates me.” Feyre snorted. “Cassian, Nesta does not hate you. Believe me.” “She sure as shit acts like it.” Feyre shook her head. “No, she doesn’t.” Her words were pained enough that he frowned… …Feyre sighed. “That’s my long way of saying that if Nesta hated you … I know what it looks like, and she doesn’t hate you.” ~ acosf ch.11

Hunting to keep them fed had taught Feyre that skill set. Hunting, while Nesta had stayed home, safe and warm, and let Feyre venture into that forest alone. Those skills Feyre had honed had allowed her to survive against the High Fae and all their terrors, but … Feyre only had them because of what she’d been forced to do. Because Nesta hadn’t been the one to do it. To step up. ~ acosf ch.12

“Feyre taught me how to use a bow.” Only a few lessons, and long ago, but Nesta remembered. It was one of the few times she and Feyre had been allies. ~ acosf ch.12

“Not Feyre.” Nesta hated the words. The way his back stiffened. She couldn’t look at him as she said, “I just …” How could she explain the tangle between her and her sister? The self-loathing that threatened to consume her every time she looked at her sister’s face? ~ acosf ch.16

“I hadn’t realized you were keeping score.” Feyre gave her an exasperated look. “I’m not, Nesta. I just … Do I need an excuse to share things with you? You’re my sister. I wanted to tell you before anyone else. That’s it.” ~ acosf ch.21

Only Feyre had kept them fed and clothed, earning scant amounts for the pelts and meat she hunted. She’d kept them alive. The last time she’d hunted for them, the food had run out the day before. If Feyre hadn’t returned home with meat that night, they either would have had to starve to death or beg in the village. ~ acosf ch.25

Nesta didn’t care if he’d come to help during the final battle with Hybern. Tamlin had hurt Feyre. Unforgivably. ~ acosf ch.25

She’d failed at everything. But she could do this. She’d failed her father, failed Feyre for years before that. ~ acosf ch.29

“...Because you thought Feyre was your property.” Nesta pointed at Tamlin. The ground shook. ~ acosf ch.43

“I can’t believe Feyre ever loved Tamlin.” “Tamlin never deserved her.” Cassian rested a hand on her back. “No.” Nesta again peered into the darkness below. “He didn’t.” ~ acosf ch.43

“Nesta is a wolf who has been locked in a cage her whole life.” ~ acosf ch.44

I knew she was an artist then. The same way Feyre is. But what Feyre does with paint, that’s what Nesta did with music and dance. ~ acosf ch.44

“Feyre doesn’t love me.” She didn’t deserve Feyre’s love. ~ acosf ch.46

And Nesta knew then that she had not once in her life been loved by her mother as much as Feyre already loved the boy growing within her. It broke something in Nesta—broke that rage, that roaring—seeing those tears begin to fall, the fear crumpling Feyre’s paint-smeared face. She had gone too far. She … Oh, gods. ~ acosf ch.46

She had the courage to tell me the truth. She told you the truth to hurt you. Perhaps. But she was the only one who said anything. ~ acosf ch.47

and I would have let us all starve to prove what a wretch he was. It consumed me so much that … that I let Feyre go into that forest and told myself I didn’t care, that she was half-wild, and it didn’t matter, and yet …” She let out a wrenching cry. “I close my eyes and I see her that day she went out to hunt the first time... And now I will see Feyre’s face when I told her that the baby would kill her.” ~ acosf ch.50

“You’ve probably guessed that my residency in the House, my training, my work in the library is my sister’s attempt to help me.” Her sister whom she had still not apologized to, whom she still didn’t have the courage to face. “And I … I think I might be glad Feyre did this for me. The drinking, the males—I don’t miss any of it.” ~ acosf ch.51

and Nesta had heard Feyre’s harrowing tales of visiting the Prison on several occasions. Little frightened her sister... ~ acosf ch.53

Her sister’s eyes slid to her. Nesta swallowed, holding Feyre’s gaze. She prayed that her sister could read the silent words on her face. I am sorry for what I said to you in Amren’s apartment. I am truly sorry. Feyre’s eyes softened. And then, to Nesta’s shock, Feyre answered into her mind, Don’t worry about it. I spoke in anger, and I’m sorry. Feyre’s pause was considerable. Then she said, the words like the first rays of dawn, I forgive you. ~ acosf ch.55

Nesta’s stare drifted to the paint flaking off the walls. The intricate little designs. Cassian followed her stare. “Did Feyre paint that?” Nesta swallowed, and managed to get out, “She painted every chance she got. Any extra coin she managed to save went toward paints.” ~ acosf ch.55

But she nodded at Cassian and sat, saying to Feyre, “Happy birthday.” Feyre smiled again. “Thank you.” And that was that. ~ acosf ch.58

... precisely the sort of room she’d have designed for herself if she’d been given the chance. She had been given the chance, she realized. Feyre had asked, and she’d refused. Apparently, Feyre had done it herself, somehow knowing what she’d like. ~ acosf ch.58

“Despite her faults—and mine—we loved each other dearly. We were all each other had while growing up. She was the only one I could truly rely on. I miss her every day.” Nesta couldn’t stop herself from thinking of Feyre. ~ acosf ch.59

“I know who you are. I’m not stupid enough to go after you.” “It’s the Blood Rite. You’d be forgiven.” “Feyre Cursebreaker would not forgive me for killing her sister.” ~ acosf ch.66

“We didn’t learn archery,” Emerie breathed... But Nesta nocked the arrow in place. Took aim. Right at Gwyn, who eyed the rope tied to the arrow, the other end around the tree and Emerie, and understood. “My sister taught me.” Nesta’s arms trembled as she drew back the string. “A long time ago.” ~ acosf ch.68

Feyre. Feyre, who had gone into the woods for them. Who had saved them so many times. Feyre. Her sister. ~ acosf ch.76

Stroking Feyre’s cold hand, Nesta spoke into the timeless, frozen room, “You loved me when no one else would. You never stopped. Even when I didn’t deserve it, you loved me, and fought for me, and …” Nesta looked at Feyre’s face, Death a breath away from claiming it. She didn’t stop the tears that ran down her cheeks as she squeezed Feyre’s slender hand tighter. “I love you, Feyre.” She had never said the words aloud. To anyone. “I love you,” Nesta whispered again. “I love you.” ~ acosf ch.77

She blinked at Rhys, and then turned to Nesta.“I love you, too,” Feyre whispered to her sister, and smiled. Nesta didn’t stop her sob as she launched herself onto Feyre and embraced her. ~ acosf ch.77

She’d joined them at the river house one night to find a mating present from Feyre waiting for her. Hanging on the wall in the grand entry. A portrait of Nesta, holding the line at the Pass of Enalius… Nesta had stared and stared at her portrait, hung between one of Feyre and one of Elain, and hadn’t realized she was crying until Feyre had held her tightly. ~ acosf ch.80

She found Feyre and Elain waiting halfway down the hill, Nyx now dozing peacefully in Elain’s arms. Her sisters beamed, beckoning her to join. And Nesta smiled back, her steps light as she hurried down the hill to meet them. ~ acosf ch.80

Feyre and ? | pt.1 | pt.2 ...

[disgurrr]

Before the 74th Hunger Games, Katniss proclaims to Gale that she "never wants to have children." This declaration was made after having thoughts on how starvation or lack of food still plunges her and her family's daily lives, despite the hard work of her and her hunting partner.

“I never want to have kids,” I say. “I might. If I didn’t live here,” Says Gale. “But you do,” I say, irritated. “Forget it,” he snaps back. The conversation feels all wrong.

Gale's "I might. If I didn't live here" is met with "But you do." To Katniss, there is no possibility of another world where the oppression of the Capitol does not govern her and her family's lives, and where her basic physiological needs are not met. Her children will be another mouth to feed, her children will be another name in the pool of potential slaughter. And she just can't have that. She took a vow to never bring children into the world of the Hunger Games, where this ugly form of government rules her world. She just can't think of a future where she isn't constantly thinking about hunger, providing food for her family by using her hunting skills. Her role as a provider limits her to any wistful thinking of being anything else. But then something changes, she becomes a real contender in winning the Games, and now, she has...Peeta.

As a Victor, her basic physiological needs will be met and this allows her a “new kind of freedom.” As a Victor, she thinks about what her life will be like back in 12, and even starts to think of her future:

What would my life be like on a daily basis? Most of it has been consumed with the acquisition of food. Take that away and I'm not really sure who I am, what my identity is..."But you won't be alone," I whisper to myself. I have my mother and Prim. Well, for the time being. And then…I don't want to think about then, when Prim has grown up, my mother passed away. I know I'll never marry, never risk bringing a child into the world. Because if there's one thing being a victor doesn't guarantee, it's your children's safety. My kids' names would go right into the reaping balls with everyone else's. And I swear I'll never let that happen.

Even if she thinks about the rewards of being a Victor (poor Katniss), she still rejects the notion of marriage and children. Why? Because as long as the Games exist, she will not risk having them. Her future is still limited, but as she’s having these thoughts, she’s looking at Peeta, almost in a glorious way. And that to me is so telling, and intentional from SC. She starts to think about his future, then their future together:

The sun eventually rises, its light slipping through the cracks and illuminating Peeta's face. Who will he transform into if we make it home?... At least, we'll be friends, I think...And beyond that, he will always be the boy with the bread. Good friends. Anything beyond that though…

To me, she's subconsciously associating children and marriage with Peeta, but most telling, the association of children. Additionally, her mind naturally starts to wonder about the possibility of something more with him. Because they can’t just be friends, no, they always have to be more.

She eventually does consciously make the association of children to Peeta:

That it's no good loving me because I'm never going to get married anyway and he'd just end up hating me later instead of sooner. That if I do have feelings for him, it doesn't matter because I'll never be able to afford the kind of love that leads to a family, to children. And how can he? How can he after what we've just been through?

Even though Peeta has never spoken about wanting children, or has been explicitly narrated interacting with them, Katniss makes this association to him. Simply put, Peeta’s romantic love will end with children. Because to her, Peeta represents rebirth, revitalization, he is simply a “life giver.” He makes life, he creates it, and that is why she associates children with him. The epitome of creation of life.

And notice how she doesn’t want to tell him “I never want I have kids.” No, now it is “…I’ll never be able to afford the kind of love that leads to a family.”To Katniss, the love that she shares with Peeta will end with marriage and children with Peeta, and that is a luxury, a luxury she cannot afford because what it will mean to her life.

In Catching Fire, Katniss repeatedly makes this association. Even saying that it could be true that she would be married and pregnant with his child. In the QQ, she proceeds to tell us that Peeta will be a good father (as he represents safety and protection) and daydreams about his child while thinking of the lullaby her father sang to her as a child. All of this emphasizes the notion that Peeta’s fate is being a father, and her usage of the lullaby tells us she has this maternal longing for his child. It is also foreshadowing the epilogue. At this point of the story, there should be no question who Katniss is in love with, and who she will end up with. But also, what the future will look like for Peeta and Katniss.

In comparison to Gale, she has NEVER thought about having children with Gale, not the way she does it with Peeta. Even when Gale has admitted to wanting them, and has interacted with them like his baby sister. Actually, Peeta is the one who suggests her having children with Gale, and her reaction is that he is mistaken to suggest such a thing, essentially rejects that idea, and to me, is also declaring she will never have children with Gale, “that’s never been part of my plan.”

The idea of Katniss having children with Gale is met with rejection and a sense of wrongness: “it feels all wrong” “it’s a mistake…never been part of my plan” “besides, if he [Gale] wants kids, he won’t have trouble finding a wife.” In other words, if Gale is going to have kids, it is not going to be with her, it’s going to be with someone else.

But, the idea of Katniss having children with Peeta is met with “it could be true” “where Peeta’s child could be safe” “our children.” And after all of this, it is safe to conclude that if she is going to have children, it is going to be with Peeta. Because with him, she only feels safe and secure to have that type of life with. With him, she believes in rebirth, hope, and possibilities.

A future with Peeta does mean children and marriage, and that scares her throughout the story. Because she is scared of wanting all of it badly, because she simply can’t afford it, not when the Hunger Games still exist, and their children will not be safe from the reaping, they will die in the Games.

But then the Rebellion is won, and the Capitol has fallen, Katniss can take whatever journey she wants. And she chooses the journey that she has secretly longed for, the journey where her…no, where her and Peeta’s future children will be safe. It just takes her a long time to be convinced that they are truly in a different world, where nothing will arise and take her children away, take away her joy and happiness.

Side note: I want to say a special thank you to the beloved @tetheredfeathers. For always sharing great insight and beautiful words, and reading all my crazy rambles and thoughts. Thank you ❤️ ❤️

[x0x0josephinex0x0]

pretty boy | jeonghan

I can't help myself from writing enemies to lovers Jeonghan, because he provides the source material himself. Also big thanks to Hani @vanillacheol for letting me use her name and likeness to a) provide our MC with a bestie and b) provide Seungcheol with a girlfriend. Anyway, here are the details: Word count: 8.3k Summary: After a complicated first date, you swear to hate Jeonghan forever, but fate has other plans >:) Genre: E2L, academic rivals to lovers, royalty au kind of, college au kind of Warnings: reader is referred to using feminine pronouns and other identifiers, reader is mentioned to be wearing a skirt and a gown on separate instances, Jeonghan calls reader "princess" a lot (because she is), there are pranks mentioned, pressure to choose someone to marry is mentioned, lots of name-calling, a couple of arguments, lots of kissing, some suggestive language, some brief actual bullying (not between Jeonghan and MC), long-hair Jeonghan (def needs a warning), and Jeonghan is an absolute menace as per usual.

“Are you listening to me?” your friend Hani asks, bringing you back down to earth.

The truth is, you hadn’t been listening to her at all. You’d been miles away in your mind, daydreaming of home. “I’m sorry,” you say sheepishly. “Would you mind repeating?”

Hani rolls her eyes. “I was asking,” she says pointedly, “if you’ve got a flight for my birthday ball yet.”

“Of course,” you reply. “Why?”

She fidgets nervously — a telltale sign she’s hiding something. “Oh, no reason,” she says, trying to sound casual and failing miserably. 

Your grin drops. “He’s coming,” you realize. “Jeonghan is coming to your birthday ball after all.”

“I know what you’re going to say, and I need you to be rational about it. Jeonghan is Seungcheol’s best friend, and I couldn’t just not invite him.” Hani plays with her pearl bracelet, a gift from her boyfriend, and avoids eye contact with you. She’s gotten more assertive since she started her relationship with Seungcheol, the prince of a nearby country, who’d fallen in love with your friend at freshman orientation at your posh private college. They’d been together for a year and a half, and six months ago she never would’ve said any of that to you, carefully concealing her real feelings behind a placid smile. 

It’s for this reason you’re grateful for Seungcheol. He’s helped your friend feel confident and strong, and you can tell how much he loves her. He’s also kind and thoughtful and genuine and funny, very down-to-earth despite being a prince, and full of good advice when you need it. Becoming his friend has been a huge perk of the relationship he has with Hani. 

The one major downside? Yoon Jeonghan. He’s Seungcheol’s best friend from home, the son of a high-ranking military leader in Seungcheol’s home country, and apparently they were raised like brothers. Unlike sweet and harmless Seungcheol, though, Jeonghan is a devil in disguise. Blessed with the face of a fairy prince, with intellect to match, he was confident to the point of arrogance and seemed to always get exactly what he wanted. He could sweet-talk even the strictest professors into extending deadlines just for him, and had a penchant for connecting especially accommodating students and teachers to job opportunities and networking events and even really nice favors — once he paid for one of the school secretaries to fly to a tropical island with her new husband just because she straightened out an attendance issue for him. 

You had butt heads with Jeonghan almost upon first sight, which had coincidentally been on a date that Hani insisted you go on. “You’ll love him,” she had oozed. 

“Are you sure you’re not just trying to fulfill your lifelong dream of us dating brothers?” you’d grumbled, trying to avoid showing how nervous you’d been.

“They’re not really brothers,” Hani had reminded you, “but of course I would love it if you dated Jeonghan for real. He’s perfect for you, trust me.”

She’d had to eat her words when you came home from the date soaked to the bone, a murderous glare in your eyes. “He is without a doubt the most bull-headed, self-important, cocky, absolutely despicable human being I’ve ever met. I never want to see him again,” you’d fumed. 

“What happened?” Hani had exclaimed, rushing to grab you a towel. She listened sympathetically as you recounted how it had all gone down.

It had actually started off well. Jeonghan struck you as the kind of person who could make a brick wall feel clever and important, and he was a perfect gentleman at first. He’d even addressed you as “my lady”, a reference to your position as eldest princess of a small island country, until you begged him to relax, but the level of decorum he’d approached you with had bolstered your confidence a bit.

“So...princess,” he’d said cautiously after you’d insisted he call you by your name, and you’d rolled your eyes at this. “How’s the island these days?”

“Are you asking me about foreign policy on our date?” you had asked with a raised eyebrow.

“No, I’m asking you about your home,” he’d countered. “What’s it like there? It’s one of the few places I’ve never been.”

“Oh, really?” Your eyes lit up. “Well, it’s much warmer than it is here.”

“Naturally,” Jeonghan had said. “Do you miss that?”

“More than anything,” you’d said, frowning at the snow falling in soft piles outside. “Near the palace is this one stretch of beach -- you sort of have to hike through a small jungle to get there, but nothing too bad, you know -- and when it snows like this I have to remind myself that it still exists and I can go back there one day.”

Jeonghan grinned. “What does it look like?”

“Well, there’s a thick treeline since it’s just past the woods, but that means it’s very private. It’s got the most beautiful sand -- it’s pink!”

“Pink sand?” Jeonghan had repeated, his head propped up by one hand as he gazed at you, rambling on excitedly. 

“Yeah, it’s from a micro-organism that lives in the coral reefs that grow around the island. There are a few different pink beaches on our island, but this one is special. Hardly anyone knows about it. Seokmin -- my cousin, you know, the theater major -- found it first, and I’ve been going there ever since.” You caught sight of him watching you and felt your face heat up. “Uh, sorry. I got carried away.”

“No, no, it was cute,” he reassured you, which made you feel even more embarrassed. 

“What about you?” you had asked, and you’d listened with rapt attention as Jeonghan had described the mountainous region he hailed from, with so many clever little asides that made you laugh. You were generally more of a “black cat” type personality, but Jeonghan was bringing out an eager, girlish side of you that almost no one got to see. He made you feel like your blood had become carbonated -- like little tiny bubbles were flowing all over your body, all tingly and excited.

The conversation had lasted hours, covering everything from your families (yours was close, his was rather distant) to your favorite foods (seafood for you, fried chicken for him) to the most unusual kinds of music you liked (film scores for you, musical theater songs for him). Finally, with all your food eaten and the drinks all but drained from their fancy bottles, it had come time to talk about education. “If you weren’t a princess, what would you be studying?” Jeonghan had asked. 

“I think I would still want to learn about public policy, especially as it relates to nonprofits,” you had replied. “At my core, I want to use what I know to help others, and there’s almost no easier way to do that than improve the legal conditions for charity work.”

Jeonghan nodded thoughtfully. “You might be the biggest nerd I’ve ever met,” he finally said with a grin.

You had gasped, pretending to be scandalized. “Even bigger than you, Mr. Political Science?” 

He shook his head. “Imagine how cool I’d have to actually be to be studying poli-sci and still be considered cool.”

“Oh, are you considered cool?” you’d teased. “I hadn’t heard that.” (Which was a lie. When a girl in your dorm had found out who you were going on the date with, she’d almost keyed your car out of jealousy. Jeonghan was notoriously cool.)

He clapped a hand over his chest. “Please don’t wound me like this. My reputation is all I have.”

You looked him up and down in the way that tabloid articles had called your “man-eater move.” “Just your reputation, pretty boy?” you questioned lightly. “How disappointing.”

Jeonghan’s eyes got wide, but he recovered quickly. “I actually have one more thing. Way more important than my reputation.” He said it so seriously that you leaned forward in interest.

“What is it?” you asked, looking up at him through your eyelashes.

He leaned forward to match you and whispered in your ear softly, “A fully completed Death Star Lego set.” 

And you had burst into laughter. People were generally easy for you to read, but Jeonghan took you by surprise every time. The rest of the meal was full of giggles and simmering tension. More than once you caught yourself staring at him and wondering what it’d be like to kiss the smirk right off his gorgeous face.

Which is how you found yourself in the custodian closet at that very restaurant twenty minutes later doing exactly that.

He had begun it -- suggesting a quick bathroom break that you somehow understood with your eyes, and on your way in he’d pulled you right into that tiny closet and pressed his mouth to yours like it might be the last thing he ever did. You were surprised at how strong this lithe boy was as his arms wrapped around your waist, his hands tightening into fists around the fabric of your skirt at your hips as he pressed you up against one of the shelves, knocking several bottles of cleaning wipes onto the floor. You had gasped and pulled away, just enough that you could look at him. “Careful, pretty boy,” you’d hummed breathlessly as you pulled him back for more, and he’d groaned.

“Call me that one more time, princess, I dare you,” he’d murmured against your lips.

“Is that a threat?” you’d whispered back, knotting your fingers into his long hair, perfectly content to let him do whatever it was he’d had in mind.

But then his cellphone, which had somehow slipped out of his pocket onto the floor, rang. Loudly. You both dived for it, worried that someone would hear, and you reached it first. After silencing it, you saw a familiar notification pop up on Jeonghan’s phone.

“No way!” you’d exclaimed quietly. “Are you in Exploration of Debate?” It was an online class you were taking as a general, where you posted anonymously on an online debate forum. The person with the highest number of won debates was the person with the highest grade, and to your chagrin, you were in second place after a devastating loss to “TwinkleToes17”. In fact, so ruthless was TwinkleToes that they’d gained a reputation outside the class as someone who was a pure psychopath, willing and ready to twist every word to their advantage. It seemed like everyone on campus had heard of this person.

Which is why you’d burst out of the closet two minutes after. “I can’t believe this,” you’d yelled, not caring that the other restaurant patrons and the wait staff were staring at you. You’d ripped your coat off your chair, grabbed your bag, and ran out into the wet, snowy evening, Jeonghan hot on your trail. 

“I don’t understand why you’re so upset. It’s a class,” he’d insisted, jogging to keep up with your dramatic pace, a laugh in his voice that only made your anger more overwhelming.

“Okay, firstly, even outside the class everyone knows you’re a monster,” you’d said. “And secondly, you manipulated me and twisted every word that I said to win that debate.” The third thing, which you hadn’t said, is that you couldn’t bear looking stupid in front of anyone, even if no one knew it was you. Mistaken, fine. Naive, sure. But never stupid.

And Jeonghan had made you look really stupid.

So you’d ignored his repeated calls after you, until he’d finally got frustrated and stopped following you. You’d walked the entire five kilometers home in the snow, arriving soaked and cold and grumpier than you’d possibly ever been. Worse was when you shared classes with Jeonghan for the next two semesters, unraveling your plan to never see him again.

When recounting this story to Hani, you left out the part about the short-lived makeout session in the closet and the undeniable chemistry between the two of you. You, instead, focused on the massive betrayal of learning about his online activities, Hani had scolded you for being too stubborn, prideful, and competitive, and that had been the end of it.

But the true rivalry had begun six months ago. You had had to go over to Seungcheol’s apartment to take care of Hani while he was away. Hani usually stayed at his place when she was sick, mainly because Seungcheol was the world’s biggest worrywart and called her constantly when he couldn’t be there while she wasn’t feeling her best.

So you had driven to his place, to hopefully ease some of her suffering (and Seungcheol’s), completely forgetting who he lived with. To your shock, it was Jeonghan who answered the door. “Ah, princess,” he’d exclaimed. “Welcome.”

The way he’d beamed when he saw you was infuriating. Peeking around his shoulder, you made venomous eye contact with Hani, who was sitting in a heap on the couch, her eyes red and watery with her illness. “How are you?” you asked, pointedly stepping around Jeonghan to go to her.

“I’m suffering,” she said. “But Jeonghan has been taking really good care of me.”

“Has he, now,” you’d said in a deadpan voice. 

“Well, now that you’re here, I need to run some errands,” Jeonghan had said, quickly excusing himself to go to the grocery store. You had tended to Hani while he left, not turning when he’d called a goodbye over his shoulder as he stepped out into the night.

Watching Hani was mostly uneventful. You brought her water when she finished her glass and watched TV together until Seungcheol came back. As you’d stood up to leave Hani and Seungcheol, who were snuggled together on the couch, Hani asked if you would grab the ibuprofen out of Jeonghan’s bathroom.

You had been surprised (and a little annoyed) at how clean it was inside, but he had left his toothbrush out on the counter, which immediately made you think of the fluorescent blue dye you had in your bag that you had needed for a recent experiment in your geology class. The dye, coincidentally, was colorless until it reacted to saliva, and stained everything around it a shocking shade of blue for several hours before fading completely. You had tried to be good, you really had -- you’d almost left the bathroom without doing anything to the toothbrush -- but there was a petty streak in you that desperately wanted Jeonghan to feel even one bit as foolish as he’d made you feel. Plus, when were you ever going to get an opportunity like this again?

This had been the beginning of the prank war between you and Jeonghan. The following week, you’d come home to a flock of confused pigeons trapped in your apartment. “Where did he even get a flock of pigeons?” you had muttered as you mopped your hardwood floors free of all the lingering gifts that the birds had left for you. 

“Beats me,” Hani said, spraying your tabletop with cleanser. “But I think this is a good learning experience for you. Jeonghan is really sweet, but he’s competitive, and he’ll do anything to win.”

“Oh, but I’m the exact same way,” you’d told her with a grim determination. 

And so, it had continued. One week you were swapping out Jeonghan’s bar of soap for one that was almost identical but had a particularly itchy ingredient, the next week Jeonghan rearranged the letters on your keyboard and made it nearly impossible for you to finish your assignments in time, the week following you stole his textbooks and replaced them with poorly written erotic novels. 

The pranks had only escalated the academic rivalry you’d had, especially as the two of you had striven to derail the other. When the exam results came out, you were elated to learn that despite Jeonghan’s efforts, you had come out of the semester at the top of the class — with Jeonghan just below you at number 2, by .02 points. Now, as you were about to fly to Hani’s birthday ball during spring break, your elation has been crushed. “Are you still going to come?” Hani asks, giving you her big sad eyes that you can’t say no to.

And because this is Hani, who knows you better than anyone and has always been there for you, you already know what you have to say. “Of course I’m going to come,” you reassure her. “It’s your birthday. I suppose I knew he’d probably end up deciding to come. But I’ll be darned if I let a man get between us.” You can’t suppress an eye roll. “Especially not that man.”

“You’re the best!” Hani exclaims. “Do you have a dress yet?”

“I have a few options,” you say. “I’ll take them with me so we can try things on together and you can help me choose.” You grin at her squeal of delight and try not to think about all the strategizing you’re going to have to do to avoid Jeonghan at the ball.

******

“You’ve got to be kidding,” you groan.

Jeonghan grins from the seat beside yours. “What? Did you want the window seat?” he asks, pointing out the small window of the airplane. It’s one of those huge jets with two stories, built for a seventeen-hour flight across the world, and yet, of all the seats you could be sitting in, of course Jeonghan is sitting in the next one over. 

You huff as you sit down. “Why didn’t you fly with Cheol?”

“He flew with Hani,” Jeonghan replies. “I didn’t want to third-wheel for that many hours in a row.”

That’s honestly pretty fair, but you can’t let him see you agree, so you roll your eyes. “Well, this is actually good. I needed to talk to you.”

“About?”

“The ball. We have to call a truce on our war.”

“Our war?” Jeonghan repeats with a raised eyebrow.

You clear your throat. “Our...rivalry.”

“I would call it a ‘friendly competition’,” he tells you.

“It’s really not that friendly,” you snap, and rifle in your bag for your headphones. “And it doesn’t matter what you call it, we just need to be well-behaved and civil during the ball because I will not have you or anyone else ruining Hani’s birthday party.”

“Well, I can’t promise to be well-behaved, but I promise I won’t ruin Hani’s party,” he comforts. 

You shake your head. “I guess that’s the best I could really hope for,” you grumble. Unable to locate your headphones, you toss your bag under your seat in frustration.

“What did that poor bag ever do to you?” Jeonghan asks.

“I can’t find my headphones,” you hiss. 

“I brought an extra pair.”

You stare at him. “You did not.”

“I truly, truly did,” he says. “Would you like to use them?”

“What will it cost me?”

“Nothing,” he says, grinning. “Let’s call it a mark of our truce.” He pulls them out of his bag and hands them to you, and you accept them, eyeing him suspiciously.

“Do they zap your ears when you put them in?” you ask nervously.

“No,” he says, taking one bud and putting it in his own ear. “Just regular old headphones.”

So you put one of them in, bracing yourself. Nothing happens, but the way Jeonghan is watching you is making you worried. “Forgive me if I’m a little wary after the pen incident.” (You were, of course, referring to a prank Jeonghan had pulled where he had replaced your pen with one that shocked you at random intervals.)

Jeonghan rolls his eyes. “I’m not trying to make your life miserable, princess. Actually, right now, I’m trying to make your life easier.” He leans back against his seat’s headrest and closes his eyes. “It’s not going to kill you to trust me a little.”

You shoot him a dubious look before acquiescing, slipping the other bud into your ear. No shock. You decide he’s probably telling the truth, and you listen to an audiobook while you wait for the plane to take off.

Hours later, after you’ve watched the sunset fade to black outside Jeonghan’s window, and after watching two movies and dozing off during a third, you jolt awake to a sudden dip of the plane. Blinking rapidly, you try to make sense of your surroundings, and the first thing you register is a hand clasping your own. 

You look over, mortified, to see Jeonghan staring at you. But instead of the sneer you expected, his expression is serious and kind. “Are you okay?” he asks, squeezing your hand comfortingly.

“I’m fine,” you say, although your voice is shaking and you can’t bring yourself to let go of his hand even though it’s embarrassing.

“You’re scared of flying?” he asks you quietly.

“Not enough to not do it,” you reply. Maybe it’s the look in his eyes that makes you think that you’ve stepped outside the incessant teasing that has been the hallmark of your relationship with this man, but you find yourself saying, “I feel like I should be used to it already.” Immediately you begin to worry about how Jeonghan might use this weakness against you, but he just looks at you.

“Well, if it makes any difference,” he finally says, “you’re handling it pretty well.” He gives your hand a squeeze.

This is just too weird. The weirdest part is, it doesn’t feel weird at all -- not talking with him, not holding his hand, not even the way he looks at you. For a second, you remember how intently Jeonghan had listened to you speak at that dinner all those months ago. This seems much more like the person you thought he was before you’d found out he’d destroyed you in an anonymous online debate. And, terrifyingly, this was a person you could see yourself falling deeply into, with no hope of escape.

The plane lurches again, and you close your eyes and breathe deeply through your nose. A low chuckle from Jeonghan makes you shoot him an annoyed look.

He shrugs. “Sorry,” he says. “I don’t mean to laugh at you, I’m just surprised.”

“Why?” you ask through gritted teeth.

“Because,” he says, as though choosing his words very carefully. “You don’t strike me as the kind of person who’s scared of anything.”

His tone is -- dare you say it? -- respectful, almost awed, full of admiration.

“Well, there’s a lot you don’t know about me,” you remind him, swallowing nervously.

He purses his lips. “Sad, but true.”

“What do you mean?” you ask.

He leans back in his seat again, closing his eyes. “Figure it out, princess,” he whispers, before falling asleep with your hand clenched around his.

******

The night before the ball, you’re on a video chat with your little sister when your dad enters the frame.

“How’s my girl doing?” the king asks, and you have to smile. Your dad is really an amazing leader, and an even better dad.

“I’m good,” you say. “Just three more days before I’m home!”

“We’re so excited to have you back,” your sister chimes in, and your dad nods enthusiastically. 

“Can I have a word with your sister?” your dad asks her, and she skips away with a quick “bye!”

“What’s up?” you ask.

“There’s been a little bit of tension on the mainland lately,” your dad confesses. “Nothing too concerning, but we want to nip it in the bud. I think it’s time for you to think about your future.”

You know when he says “future” he means “marriage”, and your heart sinks. As the eldest child, you will inherit the crown once your father retires. His hair and beard are grayer every time you see him, and you’ve known for awhile that he’s feeling a bit exhausted. “I am thinking about it,” you admit. “I’ve been going on dates.”

“Anything promising?” your dad asks hopefully.

You fiddle with your shirt hem, hesitating before you answer. The truth is, only one date you’ve been on since college is memorable at all. You try not to think about Jeonghan’s smirk and the way he’d made you laugh and holding his hand on basically the entire seventeen-hour flight over and most importantly his lips against yours in that dusty custodian’s closet before shaking your head. “Not really,” you confess. “Most politicians are really boring.”

Your dad scoffs. “Tell me about it.” He sighs. “Well, I’m not trying to force you into anything, but maybe the ball can be a good networking event for you. I heard that Prince Chan will be there.”

Prince Chan was internationally famous for being a real-life “Prince Charming” -- the perfect gentleman, always smiling, handsome as a fairytale prince. Your country was off his country’s southern coast, so his home was close to yours. “That might be a good political move.”

“And Prince Seungcheol will be there, and the general’s son, I forget his name...” Your dad trails off, but you know who he means, and you rush to put an end to those thoughts.

“Seungcheol is dating Hani,” you remind your dad quickly. “And Jeonghan -- the general’s son -- is...not an option either.”

“Okay,” your dad says, not catching the unspoken information in your tone. “Well, you’ll have boots on the ground, so just try, okay? And we can talk about it when you get back.”

You finish your talk and hang up, looking up at the vaulted ceiling of your guest bedroom in Hani’s parents’ palace. It was a curse to be the heir to the throne sometimes. The weight of your mantle was often so heavy it felt crushing. Your country was a small one, inhabited by gentle people. Military power, the nuances of war, conquest — none of these things were built into your culture. You weren’t sure what you’d do if things went south. 

Sighing, you head to the bathroom to start getting ready for bed. When you emerge from your shower and as you’re brushing your hair, the wind starts to pick up from outside. By the time you get into bed, a storm is raging outside. This, coupled with the thoughts swirling relentlessly around you head, has you thoroughly wound up and incapable of sleeping. 

So you wrap yourself in a dressing gown and head up the corridor toward the spiral staircase that leads to the library. One thing that always helps you sleep is a familiar book. You wander between the dim shelves, only lit by a few strategically placed lamps, as the thunder gets louder and louder. Finally, you’re able to locate a copy of Frances Hodgson Burnett’s Secret Garden, which you take from the shelf, cozying up in a large armchair to read by one of the lamps. 

A few pages in, you’re nearly startled to death by a voice from behind you. “What are you doing awake?”

You jump out of the chair and whirl around. “Jeonghan!” you whisper-shout. “For the love of all that is holy, you scared me.”

He gives a small smile. “Sorry, princess.” He’s also in his PJs, his shoulder-length hair still wet from a shower, and there are dark circles under his eyes that make him look more gaunt and melancholy than usual — a vampire rather than his standard fairy. It’s especially pronounced in the low lamplight. 

“What are you doing here?” you ask.

“Couldn’t sleep,” he says simply. 

“Why not?”

“‘Cause you couldn’t sleep. I sensed you coming in here.”

You scoff. “What nonsense,” you say. 

“I’m serious. We’re soulmates.” Jeonghan’s grin has turned sly.

“Don’t be difficult,” you snap. “Was there a real reason you wanted to share, or — ?”

But then a bolt of lightning briefly illuminates the library in bright white light. The following clap of thunder is so loud it seems to shake the library. Jeonghan cringes and claps his hands to his ears before eyeing you warily.

You point a finger at him. “You’re scared of thunderstorms?” you guess.

He blushes. “Scared is a strong word.”

He cowers as the lightning flashes again, plugging his ears preemptively to avoid the massive clap of thunder. “You’re totally terrified,” you say when he finally takes his fingers out of his ears. “Well, this is just perfect.”

“That seems like a strong word, too,” he grumbles, coming to sit in the chair next to yours. “Perfect, how?”

“Now I know your weakness, and you know mine,” you explain, turning your attention back to your book. “We’re even.”

You couldn’t be more shocked when Jeonghan snakes a cold hand onto your wrist. When you gape at him, he looks at you with wide, innocent eyes. “I held your hand during the turbulence,” he reminds you. “So this is actually how you get even.”

This is hard to argue with, so you just keep reading with his fingers wrapped around your hand. “Do what you need to do, pretty boy,” you sigh. 

His sharp intake of air makes you look up from your book. “What?”

“You need to stop calling me that,” Jeonghan says quietly. 

“Or what?” you say, shutting your book with a snap.

“Or I’ll lose my mind,” he says in a strained tone. His jaw is clenched, his cheeks are flushed, and his palm on your wrist has become clammy with sweat. “I thought it would be easier to be close to you, but you insist on making my life harder, don’t you?”

This hits you like a punch in the gut. Glaring, you wrench your hand from Jeonghan’s grasp. “You don’t have to talk to me, Jeonghan. It’s perfectly alright for you to ignore me if it’s that hard for you to stand interacting with me.” Suddenly the library doesn’t feel big enough for you and Jeonghan to occupy the space at the same time -- as if all the air has been sucked out of the room. You jump from the armchair and turn on your heel, your robe blowing out behind you. 

But Jeonghan is following you again -- and it’s so reminiscent of that first night that you almost laugh. “I don’t understand how you’re not as tortured as I am,” he calls after you. “That’s part of what makes me so insane.”

“Who says I’m not? You’re absolutely agonizing to be around,” you shoot back over your shoulder.

“No, you don’t understand,” he says, and he catches you by the arm, whirling you around so that you face him. You try to shake free, but his grip is iron-strong. “It’s like you’re barely affected by my presence. You don’t feel this constant draw -- this constant need to --

“To what, Jeonghan?” you ask, taking a step forward. “Finish the sentence. To what?”

Your faces are inches apart, the tension between you so thick you could cut it with a knife, and Jeonghan flexes his jaw and swallows hard before his gaze flicks down to your lips. You’re breathing too hard, your pulse too quick, your face hot. He inches closer -- the tips of your noses nearly touching, and when he whispers, it’s in a husky tone that sends chills down your spine. “It’s impossible for me to understand how you don’t seem to think about what happened between us. For you, it’s like it never happened. For me...I think about it every day.”

He’s so close you can smell the peppermint toothpaste on his breath. So close that if you even slightly moved forward, your lips would meet.

And then lightning strikes again. Jeonghan lets go of your arm, takes a step back, nods to you like he would an acquaintance from class, and leaves you alone in the library, where you lean, trembling, against a bookshelf just as the more distant clap of thunder rings out. You have to place a hand over your chest to soothe the frantic beating of your heart. The rest of the night is sleepless -- you toss and turn, wondering what on earth has just happened between you and Jeonghan. 

******

“Is Hani ready?” Seungcheol asks, meeting you halfway up the stairs. 

“Almost,” you say, adjusting your pearl necklace so the clasp is in the back. “And she gave me explicit instructions that you are to stay at the bottom of the stairs. She wants that movie moment. And you are going to give it to her, because it’s her birthday.”

Seungcheol follows you back down the stairs. “So, Jeonghan’s been weird today,” he says, a question in his tone.

“He’s always weird,” you say shortly.

“Weirder than usual. You look great, by the way,” he tells you, gesturing at the glittering white dress you’re wearing. It hugs your frame with a corseted top, cascading like sea foam down your hips and ending in a train. Hani had picked it out, saying that it matched your small pearl-encrusted crown the best, but you also suspected that she knew it was your most devastating look.

“Thanks,” you say to Seungcheol. “Wait until you see Hani.”

He’s so down bad he even smiles just at the sound of her name. “I can’t wait.” 

“And about Jeonghan,” you continue. “Did he tell you -- anything?”

Seungcheol gives you a stern look. “Should he have? Did anything happen last night?”

“There was a thunderstorm,” you say quickly.

“Ah,” Seungcheol says, his gaze a little too understanding. “Jeonghan is scared of thunderstorms.”

You nod, refusing to answer the question he isn’t asking. Luckily, you’re saved by the arrival of Hani at the top of the stairs, looking absolutely stunning in the prettiest blue dress. Seungcheol’s whole face transforms into a picture of joy. “Wow,” he breathes.

You can see her beaming from here. You decide to let them have their moment by themselves, and instead push through the magnificent double doors into the ballroom. As your eyes scan the crowd, you try to believe that you’re not looking for Jeonghan, but there has been a knot in your chest since last night, and you somehow sense he is the only person who can do anything about it. Before landing on Jeonghan, though, your eyes land on Prince Chan. You remember your dad’s request and plaster on your most winning smile as you approach him. 

“Hello, Prince Chan,” you say, curtsying low to him. “Are you enjoying yourself?”

He’s just as handsome as everyone has said, and he’s smiling just as kindly as you’d expect. “It’s a beautiful party,” he says. “The hostess is your best friend, right?”

“She is,” you confirm. “Princess Hani is wonderful. Have you ever met her?”

“Only a handful of times. We were kids,” he explains. “But everyone speaks highly of her.”

You nod. “So, how are things on the mainland?” you ask, changing the subject.

You pass a few pleasant minutes discussing his interests, the state of his country’s affairs, and you. After awhile, a very territorial woman comes to stand between you and Prince Chan, interrupting your conversation. He shoots you an apologetic look over her shoulder, and you wave him off with a small smile and a bow, backing away. 

“Already causing problems, I see,” says a familiar voice. 

You turn to see him -- Jeonghan, in his decorated military uniform, looking far more handsome and ethereal than he had any right to. You stick up your chin. “Well, it wasn’t my intention,” you say. “He was standing alone.”

“What a kind soul you are,” Jeonghan says drily as Hani makes her grand entrance.

You pause in your bickering to applaud her, beaming and embracing her as she comes to greet you. “Do you feel beautiful?” you ask her.

“Yes, I do,” she tells you. “Thank you for always being here.”

After she walks away to greet her other guests, you turn back to Jeonghan. “So, do you have anything else to say to me? Or do you have more pigeons to sedate and put in my bedroom?”

He grins. “As tempting as that is, I have plenty more to say to you.”

Just then, the music starts, and before Jeonghan can offer you his arm to escort you onto the floor, you are turning to the nearest passing gentleman and asking him to dance. Jeonghan follows suit, escorting a pretty redhead in a yellow dress into the space right beside you. As you begin the steps of the dance, you make polite conversation with your partner, whose name you have already forgotten. Jeonghan seems to be vaguely paying attention to his own partner as she rambles on good-naturedly, but his eyes never leave you. His scorching looks from across the dance column have heat rising in your cheeks and the back of your neck, and a funny swooping feeling in your stomach, almost like you’ve done a massive drop on a roller coaster. 

At the end of the dance, you politely bow to your partner and are just about to scurry away when Jeonghan catches your hand. “One dance,” he begs. “Please.”

And his eyes are searing with some barely-concealed passion, his skin unnecessarily flushed and his jaw set in a hard line, and you open your mouth — to refuse him, you remind yourself — but nothing comes out, leaving Jeonghan free to pull you back into the dance floor and into his arms for the waltz. 

You have done a simple waltz a thousand times — maybe hundreds of thousands at this point. Your feet are familiar with the steps and the turns. It’s simple enough to do. But waltzing with Jeonghan is like trying to speak a language you’ve never heard before. Pressed against his body, his hand burning into the small of your back through your dress, you find yourself unable to meet his eyes as he leads you through the steps. Something about him holding you like this is reminding you forcefully of that distant janitor’s closet, and this is making it impossible for you to look at him for fear of what it might do to you. So, with your heart pounding in your ears, you fixate on the top button of Jeonghan’s uniform and let him whirl you around, until it feels like everything else has faded away but the music and his arms around you. You can feel the weight of his gaze, but you don’t look up until the very last strains of the song are fading away.

And as you do, Jeonghan’s angelic face breaks into a smile that could make the devil repent. He’s so unbearably beautiful that you actually feel your breath hiss out of you, stolen by his smile. You realize that it doesn’t matter how much you pranked him or ignored him or rejected him or lied to yourself — there was absolutely nothing that could have kept you from falling in love with him.

Just at this moment of revelation, someone taps Jeonghan’s shoulder. “Sorry to interrupt,” Prince Chan says. 

“It’s no trouble,” Jeonghan says. He’s still partially holding you in his arms, and you are still struggling to remember how to breathe, but Prince Chan seems not to notice or care. 

“Would you mind if I had the next dance?” he asks, looking between the two of you.

You find it impossible to speak, so you just nod in assent. Jeonghan gives your hand to Chan, looking mildly crestfallen, and you try to get your crap together before the music starts.

You successfully collect yourself enough to look Prince Chan in the face. He’s smiling at you, but his eyes are a little too understanding. “Jeonghan’s great, huh?” he asks.

You try to laugh, but it comes out choked and awkward. “He’s a bit too charming for his own good,” is all you’re willing to admit. 

Chan nods in agreement. “He’s interesting. Most people like to show their very best selves to others, and you find out the bad stuff the more you get to know them. But Jeonghan kind of does the opposite.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, he’ll be crafty and cunning up front, but he’s actually very kind. And you only get to see that if you get close to him.”

“How do you know?” you ask.

Chan glances over at Jeonghan. “I actually stayed with his family for a month while my mother was sick,” he explains. “Jeonghan had gone through something similar, and he was a big help to me. Of course he still drove me crazy sometimes,” he adds with a laugh, “but he’s solid gold all the way through. You just have to crack him open a bit to see it.”

You’re silent, chewing on this information, when all of a sudden, someone tosses the contents of their wine glass at you, coating your gown in a deep red stain. You gasp and look over to see Jeonghan with his current dance partner -- who is holding her empty wine glass and grinning wickedly at you. You recognize her as the one who interrupted your earlier conversation with Chan. “Oops,” she says.

Your eyes bounce between Jeonghan and the girl. “I need to go change,” you say to Chan. “Please excuse me.”

Chan’s glaring at the girl, and he nods to acknowledge he heard you. You immediately turn away from Jeonghan’s wide-eyed stare, hugging your arms to your chest and heading straight for Hani and Seungcheol. “Some psycho threw her wine on me,” you whisper to her. “I’m sorry, I have to go.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” she asks with concern. 

You muster a weak smile. “No, you stay and enjoy your party.”

“I’m going to go escort the psycho out of here,” Seungcheol says, his eyes focused behind you on where you’ve left Chan and the girl and Jeonghan. You look over your shoulder to see Jeonghan leaning in close to the girl and whispering something in her ear, and this is the final straw. A part of you wonders if he planned it himself -- even after you asked him not to ruin things. So you turn on your heel and flee from the ballroom, running up the stairs and heading toward the library. 

The tears start the minute you cross the threshold. You hate crying, and hate being a cliche damsel in distress, but the lack of sleep, the confusion about your own feelings, and the blatant bullying you’ve experienced have overwhelmed you, and it’s hard to stop yourself from collapsing into full-blown sobs. You only have a few seconds to cry by yourself between the bookshelves, however, before you hear someone’s footsteps sprinting into the library.

“Princess?”

Oh, no.

You try not to make any noise so that he won’t find you, but Jeonghan still rounds the corner and finds you. You immediately turn your back to him, wiping your eyes as you face the bookshelf. You can hear him approaching you slowly. “Princess?” he repeats.

You slowly turn over your shoulder to face him, looking him in the eye. You know you probably look ridiculous, but you still have to ask. “Was that your idea of a prank?” you say in a hard voice.

“Not at all,” he replies, his voice equally sharp. “Seungcheol and I threw her out ourselves.”

“You did?” you squeak.

He gives you a sad smile. “Of course. She’s never going to be within fifty miles of you ever again if I can help it.”

You nod, looking at your feet. “Well, that’s good. Thank you.”

“My pleasure.” Jeonghan hesitates, then takes another step forward. “I need to talk to you,” he says.

You avoid his gaze and back up a little, right into the bookshelf. “I don’t see what we have left to talk about,” you hedge.

“Are we back to the bickering?” he asks, sounding frustrated. He steps forward again, nearly toe-to-toe with you, and brings a hand up to your chin, tugging on it gently. “Need you to look at me, princess.”

You lift your eyes to him and are once again overwhelmed by his closeness. You can’t help the deep breath you take at the sight of him. “Why do you keep pretending you hate me?” Jeonghan asks you quietly. 

“What do you mean?” you reply.

“I know you don’t really hate me,” he explains. “I’ve known it for months. But I just don’t know why you can’t admit it to yourself. I wish you’d just let it go.” When you don’t reply, he sighs. “I’ve never met anyone as stubborn as you. You truly have no equal.”

Your emotions are so overwhelming and close to the surface that this light barb stings a lot more than Jeonghan probably intended. And this sends you over the edge. You bat his hand away and whisper-yell, “Well, you’re selfish, and conceited, and self-important, and conniving, and I don’t know why I --”

But you stop yourself before you give yourself away. Jeonghan impulsively brings his hands to both sides of your face, trapping you in. “Finish the sentence,” he demands. “You don’t know why you...what?”

But the answer won’t come, stuck between your heart and your voicebox, your stubborn mind trying fruitlessly to bar Jeonghan from knowing the truth. But, as is always the case in all the love stories you’ve ever read, the heart is too strong for the mind, and for a moment, it overcomes all rational thought and takes control over your hands. You grab Jeonghan by the collar and pull his lips to yours. 

No amount of shock could keep Jeonghan from responding to your kiss. Ever quick on his feet, he brings a hand to the back of your neck so that he can move you in just the way he wants to, and you, for the first time in forever, let go of your need to sort through all your feelings and make them make sense, and give in to your heart entirely. You don't have to think with Jeonghan -- he takes charge in a way that makes your knees feel weak, and you cling to him desperately to avoid toppling over. Jeonghan kisses with even more passion than he had in that closet, with enough fire that you think you both might combust. His lips are searing and insistent, and you melt into his arms. Instinctively, you tangle your fingers in his hair, and he gives a throaty chuckle. “Careful, princess,” he whispers between kisses, and you hum against his lips in bliss. 

Eventually, his kisses turn soft and sweet, slowing down to a pace where you can both catch your breath. And then he pulls away. The sight of him with his hair ruffled from your hands and his cheeks flushed and his eyes bright makes you giggle, and he beams at you, his gaze flicking to your lips again. “Wait,” you say before he can kiss you again. “I like you.”

“Duh,” he says with a laugh in his voice.

You swat his arm. “I mean it. I don’t understand how, or why, but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the night we met. And compared to you, everyone seems so...dull.” He’s smirking now, and you swat at him again. “Stop it! I’m trying to be sincere.”

“I can’t help it,” he complains, and he’s looking at you so fondly that it’s dangerous. “You’re so cute. And I love to listen to you speak, but when you speak you move your mouth, and suddenly that’s just become so incredibly distracting for me.”

“My lips are distracting?” you repeat, wrinkling your nose in disgust at how corny it is.

“Well, they always were,” Jeonghan admits. “But right now...” He leans in, gives you a peck, and then runs a hand through his disheveled hair and groans. “Oh, it’s nearly too much.”

You giggle again. “You’re truly obsessed with me, aren’t you?”

“Embarrassingly so,” he says proudly. “Why else do you think I bribed the person who would’ve sat next to you on the plane to take my seat on Seungcheol and Hani’s flight?”

“You switched flights to travel with me?” Yesterday, this would’ve been annoying to learn -- but now, it’s a little endearing.

He nods. “And I switched classes so that I could take them with you. I’m still going to do that until we graduate, mind you, so if you could please avoid the eight o’clock classes, I would appreciate that so much.”

You tsk in fond exasperation at him. “And all of this time, you didn’t think to tell me that you’re --”

“Head over heels for you? Well, I sort of felt like it probably wouldn’t have gone over well. So I bided my time. And it was worth the wait,” he says, clasping one of your hands to his chest. “There’s absolutely no one like you, princess. You’re the best person I’ve ever met.”

You shake your head, although on the inside you feel like angels are singing. “What an end to our war,” you say, snaking your arms around Jeonghan’s shoulders.

“War is such a strong word,” Jeonghan complains. “It was barely a scuffle.”

“You filled my room with pigeons.”

“And that was low-hanging fruit for me.”

“You’re shameless.”

“Entirely,” he agrees. “Which is why I have no plans to return to that ball anytime soon.” He gives you a mischievous smile and once again looks at your lips.

“I can’t miss my best friend’s entire birthday party,” you remind him, playing with a lock of his hair shyly.

“Hmm,” he says thoughtfully. “That is a predicament. Might I suggest a compromise?”

“Indubitably,” you say, playing along with his posh tone.

He scoffs. “We go back in an hour. We stay to watch her open her gifts. And then we meet back here.”

“To do what?” you ask him, giving him your own dangerous grin.

“What an excellent question, princess,” he says, leaning in and kissing you deeply and slowly before pulling away just slightly and brushing a stray hair from your face. “I guess we’ll have to play it by ear,” he finally tells you in a low voice. “How does that sound?”

“It sounds perfect,” you sigh, and then you smirk at him. “Pretty boy,” you add as an afterthought.

His eyes darken. “I’m going to make you regret that,” he threatens. And as he kisses you into oblivion once again, you seriously doubt it.

[babydollmarauders]

MEAN — ALEX TURCOTTE

alex turcotte x fem!reader

part of the Speak Now Fic List

summary: in which y/n opens up to Alex about the hate she’s been receiving from his fans

notes: not proofread! so sorry if it sucks!

y/nonthegram

liked by _alexturcotte, trevorzegras, and 7,297 others

y/nonthegram on a date and our waiter called me a bitch… anyone know what number i can call to complain?

tagged _alexturcotte and trevorzegras

user47 awww they went to dux in tux to support trevor!

_alexturcotte my girl 🖤

y/nonthegram my boy 🤍

user16 thank god she didn’t show her face

trevorzegras sorry, we don’t take complaints 🙅‍♂️ only compliments 💁‍♂️

y/nonthegram that feels very unprofessional

trevorzegras who ever said i was professional? 🤔

jackhughes my boys! looking dapper! and y/n!

y/nonthegram this is y/nphobic

jackhughes i acknowledged you, didn’t i?

y/nonthegram barely

colecaufield @/y/nonthegram i’ll acknowledge you! you look beautiful, y/n!

y/nonthegram @/colecaufield thank you! at least someone appreciates me!

user63 well… trevor wasn’t very far off

user77 have you ever even met her? she’s literally the nicest person ever

user21 she gives mean girl bitch vibes so idc

user98 impatiently waiting for him to dump her

user30 honestly, if he cheats on her on a roadie… would anyone really be upset?

user52 i know i wouldn’t! i think all of us are just praying on their downfall. like, he could do so much better

***

my eyes sting, locked to my phone screen. my hearing is muffled, drowning out the sound of my boyfriend and his best friend just feet away from me.

they sit on the coffee table in front of me, NHL 23 displayed on the tv. they shout curses at each other and the tv, trying their hardest to win for their respective teams on the video game. but my focus is solely on the comments of my most recent instagram post.

all i wanted to do was show off my boyfriend of five years. but his fans were being so mean.

it was nothing new. these comments happened on nearly every post i made. whether they were insulting my looks, or saying Alex deserved better, i could never please them.

usually, i only let myself look at the comments for a moment before deleting them altogether, but today was already a hard mental health day and these comments were hitting me where it hurts. i can’t help but dwell on them longer than usual. today they took my worst fear, and used it as a ‘what if?’ scenario, one of the meanest things they’ve ever done.

i sniffle, standing from the couch. shuffling quickly past my boyfriend, my head hanging low to try and hide my tears as i make my way to our bedroom, shutting myself in the darkened room, the only light being that of the setting california sun peeking through the curtains on the windows.

i crawl up our bed, burrowing myself in a cocoon of blankets and pillows, and turn my phone back on, scrolling through the comments once more. this time, i let my tears flow freely, silent sobs racking my body.

all the comments on my body, my insecurities and flaws, my relationship, even some accusing me of cheating on Alex with our friends. it’s one blow after another, each one cutting deeper than the last.

a loud cry escapes my lips and i clap a hand over my mouth, squeezing my eyes shut and holding my breath; praying to whatever higher power that Alex and Trevor didn’t overhear me from the living room.

my prayers go unanswered when our bedroom door creaks open, the light switch being flipped on, and two sets of footsteps enter the bedroom.

“hey, sweet girl.” i bury my head deeper under the blanket at the sound of my boyfriend’s voice. “you wanna show me that pretty face?”

his gentle tone brings even more tears to my eyes and despite knowing he can’t see me, i shake my head.

“y/n? are you okay?” Trevor asks softly. i feel them both sit on the bed as i hum out a ‘mhm’.

“you sure?” Trevor questions.

“why won’t you let us see you, then?” Alex asks. a hand finds my back, rubbing it soothingly, and the soft touch causes me to let out another cry. i hear some muffled whispering before someone rises from the bed.

“i’m gonna leave you guys to talk, i’ll see you tomorrow.” Trevor announces. “y/n, if you need me, just call and i’ll come right over.”

i hear his footsteps retreating, the bedroom door falling shut behind him before my boyfriend’s hand leaves my back, coming up on the blankets and pulling it down to reveal my tear stained face.

“hey, what wrong, baby?” his eyes are filled with worry, concern dripping from his words like honey. “why are you crying, sweet girl?”

“i’m fine.” i choke and he obviously sees straight through my lie.

“if you were fine, you wouldn’t be crying.” he shifts his body, moving to lay down next to me on the bed. his arm wraps around my waist, pulling me in close, and on instinct, i throw my thigh over his abdomen. his hand comes up to play with my hair, the tips of his fingers scratching my scalp in a calming manner.

“you wanna tell me what’s got my girl so upset?” he questions. he knows he has me in the palm of his hand. he knows exactly what to do to ease my mind and make me feel safe.

“comments.” i whisper into his chest, muttered by lips against his shirt.

“hmm?” he hums. my eyes flicker up to see his brows pulled down in confusion.

“instagram comments.” i clarify, sniffling and wiping at my nose with my hand. “some of your fans aren’t very nice.”

“wait what?” he asks. his hands pause their actions and he pulls my face back to look me in the eyes. “what are you talking about?”

“i didn’t wanna say anything. you love your fans and some of them are so sweet.” i sigh.

his expression is one of betrayal and disappointment. this is exactly why i kept this all from him. he loves his fans so much, i know he would never want to hear that some of them are so cruel.

“y/n, what are they saying?”

“just mean things. things i’d rather not repeat.” i unlock my phone, the screen still on the hate comments of my latest post, and hand it to him, letting him see them for himself.

“what the fuck?” he murmurs to himself. “why have i never seen these?”

“i usually delete them right away.” i confess. “i never wanted you to see them.”

“baby, you should’ve told me about these. these are cruel.” he scrolls through the comments, deleting every comment that isn’t necessarily considered nice.

“i know, but your fans make you so happy. i never wanted to take that from you.” i cry, burying my face in his chest.

“but you make me happier.” his hand rests on my head, the other rubbing my back. “you make me so much happier than they ever could.”

“it just hurts. it didn’t used to hurt this much, but after so long, the comments are getting to me.” i sob. “i just wanna feel okay again.”

“hey, you know nothing they said is true, right? you’re beautiful, and sweet, and the best thing to ever happen to me. you’re the smartest, most thoughtful, kindhearted, loving girl i’ve ever met. and i would never do anything to jeopardize what we have. i would never even think about even entertaining the idea of sleeping with anyone on a roadie, you know that, don’t you?”

i nod my head, sniffling. i raise my head to look at him, his eyes glassy as he wipes my tears.

“i love them, but i love you so much more. and they’re clearly not fans of mine if they think it’s okay to say shit like this about you, let alone to you.”

my insecurities get the best of me and i can’t help but question.

“you’re sure you’re not sick of me?” i whisper.

“you ever looked in my nightstand?” he asks, my eyebrows furrow in confusion and i shake my head.

“not recently, no.” i don’t understand his question, or what it has to do with mine.

he pushes me off of him, my heart sinking in my chest.

this is it.

he’s decided we’re done.

i don’t know what i’ll do without him.

he leans over his side of the bed, shuffling around in his nightstand drawer for a moment before turning back to me, something clasped in his hand.

“i had a more romantic plan, i swear i did. i had a whole speech planned, but my mom said that i should do this when it feels right. and now feels right.”

my eyes widen, my breath going shaky as i consider what he could possibly be meaning in this moment.

i sit up quickly in the bed, as he reveals a black ring box in his hands, opening it to reveal a gorgeous diamond ring.

my hands rise shakily to my parted lips, more tears gathering in my eyes as they flicker between him and the ring.

“you asked if i’m sure, and i hope that this ring shows you that i’m absolutely positive. i can’t imagine a life without you. i can’t imagine what my life would’ve been like if you hadn’t called me a ‘stupid waste-of-a-pretty-face hockey player’ when we were sixteen.”

“all you got from that was ‘pretty’.” i let out a choked laugh through my tears.

“and i’m so glad i did, because that one word was all it took for me to fall to my knees. to chase after you and annoy you for an entire year until you agreed to go out with me. and now i never want to live a life without you.

“you’re my biggest supporter, my favorite person in the world, and the only girl i ever want. i love your kind soul, and the way your smile brightens my day. i love your beautiful eyes and the way you laugh over my dumbest jokes. i love that you fought for us to stay together, even when i wasn’t sure if we would work after i was drafted. i love that you dance in the kitchen when you cook, and the way you romanticize every part of our every day lives. i love that you refuse to go to bed angry, and that you sing in the shower and make me duet you. i love you, for everything you are, and everything you will be. and i would love to spend the rest of our lives together, if you’ll marry me.”

i can’t even get a response past my lips, opting to tackle him instead, nearly knocking us off the bed. but Alex’s quick thinking saves the moment, swaying us sideways instead to land on our sides on the mattress.

i straddle his waist, knocking him on his back as my lips glide along his face, peppering kisses on his cheeks, forehead, nose, chin, anywhere i can reach, before settling on his lips.

i pour all of my emotions into this kiss, filled with love and happiness, joy and affection. i suckle his bottom lip as i pull back to look into his eyes, a large grin taking up the bottom half of my face.

“is that a yes?” he chuckles, a hand resting on my lower back, the other still gripping the ring box.

“that’s a yes.” i nod excessively, holding my left hand out for him. he smiles widely, making quick work of removing the engagement ring from the box and sliding it onto my finger.

“i love you so much.” i tell him, grasping his face in my hands as i lower my lips to his once more.

***

y/nonthegram

liked by _alexturcotte, jackhughes, and 11,759 others

y/nonthegram i said yes <3

tagged _alexturcotte

comments on this post have been limited

jackhughes HE DID IT?! WITHOUT US?! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE PLAN?!

y/nonthegram plan?

jackhughes i mean.. i’m so happy for you guys! i knew you guys were meant for each other!

y/nonthegram thank you rowdy!

_alexturcotte thanks bro!

trevorzegras HELL YEAH BRO! LOCK HER DOWN! SO HAPPY FOR YOU LOVEBIRDS!

y/nonthegram thanks Z! celebration lunch tomorrow?

trevorzegras just txt me the deets, doll!

_alexturcotte thanks bro, and thanks for keeping the secret, even though you usually have loose lips

trevorzegras @/_alexturcotte i resent that

colecaufield MY BEST FRIENDS ARE GETTING MARRIED!! CONGRATS YOU GUYS 🍾🎉🥳🥂💍

y/nonthegram thank you coley! 😙🤍

_alexturcotte thank you cole!

_quinnhughes when did you grow up? stop growing up! i’m happy for you two, but jeez y/n, i could’ve sworn you were still fourteen and stalking practices yesterday!

y/nonthegram hey! i never stalked practices! i simply liked to observe the sport!

y/nonthegram but thank you quinny 🤍 you’ll be my man of honor, right?

_quinnhughes it would be my pleasure, y/n/n

jackhughes hey! why is QUINN your man of honor and not me?!

y/nonthegram because if it’s you then you’re gonna wear a dress. you wanna be man of honor?

jackhughes ya know what? i’ll let Quinn be your man of honor. you’ve known him longest, so it’s only fair.

y/nonthegram that’s what i thought

lhughes_06 congratulations guys!! engagement party at the lake house?!

y/nonthegram engagement party at the lake house!

[manhuntingbonanza]

SHE IS SO TIRED OF HIM, IT’S WILD!!

Whyte deadass said “You don’t scare me, Leo. In fact you look pretty pathetic.”

ICONIC, I SAY!!

Dr Whyte and Leo are just a genuinely funny duo she does not take him seriously at all.

[zeewritez]

The Sailor and The Samurai - I

Mizu x Femme Shipmate/Pirate Reader

Hi my lovelies! I haven't updated in so long and I'm sorry but college has been kicking my ass. (Why tf am I studying biochemistry - because I hate myself). Anyways, I hope to update my other stories soon (I've had chapters for months now, they just need to be edited lol). So for now, here's a little BES fic because I'm in love with this show :)

(Notes: Reader's father is Irish in the fic but she will not be described physically except for having super long curly hair because I like projecting my hair goals onto stories, also I will be using he/him pronouns for Mizu since they are currently being perceived as a man.)

Part 2 now out

Y/n woke up with a splitting headache from the rum she had the previous night. She made a note to self to not attempt to out drink her father, even if he was pushing 60. Rolling out of her cot, she slipped on a blouse and trousers she had acquired from a crew mate at some point. They barely fit, but it was far better than the dresses and corsets she wore whenever they docked back home.

She walked onto the deck just in time to watch over the vast ocean as they approached the isolated island of Japan. She'd been there many times in her career but had only ever been to the ports to assist with loading goods when the crew needed it. Today, there was no need. Instead, she watched with mild curiosity from the crow's nest as crates were loaded onto The Banshee.

The cargo seemed standard: silks, swords, exotic fish. The things nobles in England dreweld over. Yet the passengers were anything but standard. Y/n could barely believe her eyes when the infamous Abijah Fowler was brought on board with guards on each side of him. He was brought to the detention cell, which would have otherwise been used when her father was tired of a crewmate's drunken antics.

Y/n was so taken aback by Fowler's presence she nearly missed the passenger behind him: a young man, a few years older than y/n herself, clad in Japanese garb and yellow glasses. It seemed odd to her, as it was rather overcast outside but she didn't give it a second thought. What she was truly curious about was why Abijah Fowler was on their vessel.

As the ship took sail, she climbed down from the nest and made her way to the detention cell with a curious, if not mischievous, grin.

"I never thought you'd be joining us for London," she teased as she stood outside of his cel, as though dangling her freedom like a carrot. She did not like Fowler one bit, but she found him almost as amusing as she found him vile. Entertainment was hard to come by at sea, so who could really blame her?

"Well I for one am always happy to see you," he said, grabbing her hand through the bars and kissing her knuckles. She rolled her eyes as she pulled her hand back from him.

"What brings you back to the isle?" she asked. "My father doesn't even enjoy England, and he's still in good standing, legally speaking."

"Perhaps he's a better Irishman then me," Fowler said with a shrug. "What does it matter to you?"

The girl looked up in faux innocence. "Oh, I'm just curious."

"Well, why don't you hunt down the samurai that's on board and he can let you know why I'm going back to London," Fowler finally told her. "You've picked up quite a bit of Japanese, haven't ya?"

"Alright, I'll see you around then," she said as she turned to leave.

"You have your mother's rear!" He shouted out, as though y/n had forgotten why she had disliked the man so much. She said a silent prayer thanking the heavens he wasn't roaming freely as she roamed the ship looking for the mysterious man with glasses, which was simple enough.

He stood on the poop deck, staring out onto the ocean, as anyone who has ever treaded water has. The waters had a way of commanding one's attention.

"Hello good sir," the young woman greeted she climbed the stairs, stopping to curtsey out of habit. She'd managed to have some resemblance of good manners despite being raised at sea by a captain with a drinking habit.

The young man stared at her, which was a common response from many men upon seeing her for the first time, regardless of national origin. In fact, Englishmen seemed most taken aback by her appearance. Her hair was long and unkempt, falling down her back in ringlets instead of being pinned into an updo of a proper lady. Her shirt nearly fell from her shoulders and around her neck was a long, beaded necklace that seemed to trail down between her breasts. Y/n giggled at the man's reaction, having expected nothing less.

"Oh, I'm sorry," he spoke casting his eyes away from her eyes out of embarrassment, then down to her strange necklace, then back up to her eyes.

"Don't worry about it," she said, leaning against the Banshee's railing. "It is lovely to make your acquaintance, may I ask your name?"

"Mizu," he answered, finally less taken aback by the strange woman. "And you are?*

"Y/n," she said, reaching out her hand limply, again out of habit more than anything else. Mizu looked at her with pure confusion, almost fear. Y/n giggled again, this time to hide her embarrassment. "It is expected to kiss a lady's hand where we're going."

Mizu nodded and cautiously took the girl's hand, which was smaller then her own, and cool to the touch from the ocean winds. He kissed it with the gentleness most men she encountered lacked.

"You'll make a proper gentleman," y/n remarked as she retrieved her hand once again and placed it under her head. She scanned Mizu as had her. Admittedly he was rather dashing. So much so she'd forgotten what she was originally there to ask him. Fowler was the last thing on her mind. "What's with the spectacles?" she asked.

"My eyes are unnatural back home," he told her.

"Is that so?" Y/n asked rhetorically. Perhaps without thought for personal space, she leaned forward and took the yellow frames from the man's face. She was greeted with eyes that would put the sea herself to shame. "You needn't wear these anymore, your eyes are beautiful." The young sailor folded the glasses and handed them back to the blue eyed man.

A small smile graced Mizu's face at the first genuine compliment he'd heard in regard to his eyes. He looked over the beautiful yet foreign face of the woman in front of him. The journey to London was certainly something to look forward to now.

[yukipri]

So, I binged The Acolyte last night.

I had a mental block and couldn't get myself to start while it was coming out, and I also haven't touched any High Republic era media before which made me hesitant. But the spoilers/gifs/fanart etc I saw convinced me I should give it a try.

I'm not a huge fan of binging, I like sitting and thinking with each episode, so I expected to just watch an episode or two, give it a day or so, then continue if I liked it.

But, to my great surprise, once I started, I couldn't really stop (aaand stayed up till 7 AM, oops).

I think it had several things going for it:

-The acting was genuinely phenomenal. I feel like I would have felt completely differently about the show if different actors had been involved, and i mean that more strongly than I usually do. Their delivery in certain moments really sold me.

-It's not your usual Star Wars genre. I'd consider it mystery/suspense with a touch of horror, and it really does come together. Some of the characters are experience a more stereotypical Star Wars action/adventure story, but are jerked out of their genre at certain moments. It's pretty neat, and makes the twists fun and interesting (even if you were completely spoiled beforehand, like me lol)

-The costumes were gorgeous and unique.

-Some truly gorgeous cinematography, shots that have beautiful composition and lighting.

-It was rich in lore and references, some from Legends that I caught, many from the High Republic that I didn't catch but appreciated nonetheless. It felt deeply connected to the SW Universe.

-While cynical, the writing says things that I've thought about but never really thought Star Wars would have the guts to say. The writing is also Tight, meaning that little moments of character interactions bring up things that will be necessary/helpful to the plot later, and I appreciated that. There felt like very little waste.

-There are genuinely no "good" or "bad" guys. Every character makes mistakes or has horrible qualities, yet also positive ones. We see and understand motives, even if we don't agree with them, and see the fallout of those actions. This made almost everyone compelling. The narrative and writing gives the audience space to think.

Things that I wasn't as much a fan of:

-I felt like most of the sets felt kind of generic and Earth-like, especially in comparison to the rich costumes and alien characters.

-There are some fantastic fight scenes and emotional scenes, where the acting and cinematography was fantastic, but I wish the music had been a bit more memorable. I can't really recall any of it, and I feel like there were scenes that could have been truly iconic had the music resounded more with me.

Now, some more specific thoughts, SPOILERS below:

On Sol:

Sol is a character who, I believe in most cases, I would have absolutely despised. But holy shit, Lee Jung-jae. I am not exaggerating when I say that his performance is perhaps one of the best, if not THE best performances I've ever seen in live action Star Wars. He played this character so tenderly, so genuinely.

Despite being misguided, having made terrible decisions, and making mistakes that even he acknowledges, Sol himself always truly thought he was doing what was right, and loved Osha with his whole being even at the end, and it Shows. The way he looks at Osha was so sincere.

This is why I can't get myself to hate Sol as a character. It makes me feel so conflicted, like how can a guy with so much love and genuine desire to help and do good go so wrong? And that, I think, is one of the major points of the show, and Lee Jung-jae absolutely sells it. What a phenomenal actor. You could genuinely watch this show for him alone.

On Osha/Mae:

When the first info/promos for Acolyte came out and Amandla Stenberg was announced as the main character, I admit I was a bit confused. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't that I thought she couldn't act, but it's just that her face is so kind. She looks so warm (and gosh, she's so beautiful), but it made me go hmm, she looks like a Good Guy Protag, a Hero, so I was a bit confused as to how she was going to lead "the Acolyte," which from the title, I assumed she'd be Dark Side. Even with the early promo scenes of Mae fighting Indara, I wasn't really sold on her being "Dark."

And it turns out, that was exactly the point of the casting.

Amandla was perfect, and was brilliant at portraying two characters who not only have different and distinct personalities, but also both shift and change throughout the show. Mae never came off as "Dark" to me, because she isn't. Osha's not necessarily Light OR Dark, but she's independent. They are balanced, yet cycling, reminiscent of that little palm-to-palm circling ritual that the girls do. Amandla's portrayal of them was poetry, and made me so very invested in them.

I think if there's one thing I really wish the show had included more of, it's both Osha and Mae's pasts between their tragic separation and their reunion in the present. What was Osha's Padawan-ship actually like? I feel like the exact reason for the timing of her leaving the Order was ambiguous, and I wanted to know more. And was Mae with "the Master" the entire time?

I truly wish Osha could have heard the full story from Sol, because of his many crimes, ironically, killing her mother really was a genuine accident. There are things I wish he could have apologized to her for, or that she could have understood about him, such as how that night at the coven was largely driven by how Sol felt connected to her. This is one part where, while I get how the writers went this way, I do wish I could have felt more closure to their relationship.

I found it so tragic that Qimir erased Mae's memories and they had to be separated so soon after finally understanding each other. I really hope that if there's a season 2, they can be reunited.

On Qimir:

Preface by saying I was spoiled regarding his identity long before I started, by all those thirsty posts/tweets. And man, I GET IT.

But thirst magnet aside, I found him a genuinely fascinating character. For one thing, he's kind of an ironic character to *be* a Darksider. He seems so chill and laid-back, is honorable (or at least keeps his word), and despite his words about using emotions to harness energy, we don't really see him passionately mad/anything really. In contrast, the Jedi we see around him are furious, scared, sad. It's interesting that he almost seems more calm, but not necessarily because he's trying: he just doesn't care.

Manny Jacinto's portrayal of the character made him so damn Likable. Which, is pretty hard to reconcile with the fact that I genuinely liked Jecki and Yord, but a lot of his lines make me just go, y'know he's got a point. Like the whole, "She was a child," "You brought her here." Like yeah. Honestly, fair. His little quips, the delivery, the I'm-just-a-chill-dude attitude, actually keeps his word, and on the flip side, undeniable ruthless skill and viciousness that took down a whole team of Jedi single-handedly. It's a very BRRRRRR combo.

In general, I don't really get too attached to "Dark Side" characters, and don't really have a favorite Sith. Or at least, I didn't, but I think Qimir (or whatever his actually name is) might claim that spot now. Truly peak character, I truly hope we get to see more with him.

And this is kind of an aside, but can I just say, it felt unreal to have entire fight sequences focussing on just two Asian actors, with the other protagonist we see a black girl, for huge chunks of the show? No white people except comparatively brief side characters? In a Star Wars show?!?? All of them unique and well fleshed out and phenomenally written and acted?? None of it felt like "forced diversity," it's all so natural, that when I step back and thought about it in these terms it just...again, feels unreal. I'm so grateful for these characters, and hope we get more like them.

On Jecki and Yord:

Honestly given what I saw about Yord before hand, I was expecting him to be far more annoying than he was. Sure, he was a little stiff, but he felt like a young Jedi Knight who was trying to prove himself and do his best, and I think he very clearly did care for Osha.

Jecki, gosh I loved her. She felt very similar to Ahsoka, if a bit more by the book. She was very wise for her youth. I loved the budding friendship between her and Osha, how they helped each other and weren't jealous.

The thing about both of these characters, which I think the writers did so well, is that they felt like protagonists. In another story, they would have been the main characters, the heroes. Both of them were so young, so early in their training/careers. They could have become Obi-Wans, Ahsokas. Jecki especially was bursting with so much potential.

But alas, this was not that story. It makes it that much shocking when their lives are cut so abruptly short. We were given time to get to know these characters, to care for them, and then without much fanfare, boom. Gone.

On one hand, I sorta Hate That. On the other, I deeply respect the writers for going there, because I think it did have an Impact on the story and show.

On the Witches/Mother Aniseya:

Admittedly I was a little ehhhhh on some of the world-building regarding the witches, just the use of the words "witch" and "coven" and some of the chanting with gasping cackling women etc felt a bit caricature. I do get that they wanted us to have a vibe for this group and to get one with limited screentime, and sometimes stereotypes are the way to do that. I didn't love it, but also didn't mind it too much.

I actually really loved Mother Aniseya. For one thing, the actress is Gorgeous, her costume stunning, and she really sold the whole otherworldly ethereal immortal goddess vibe well, in a way that still felt Star Wars. For the other, I liked how she was the soft, empathetic one, it kinda contrasted with expectation of her position.

I also loved Mother Koril, and how again, she was designed as a character foil to Mother Aniseya. I love how we didn't see too much of them, but could still see that they were partners who loved and respected each other (I hesitate to say "wives," because I feel like their society may not exactly have the same concept of marriage, but partners was undeniable). I think it was a neat Oh moment when they stated that Mother Koril is the one who carried the twins. Love them.

I know I'll have more thoughts, but yeah, to sum it up, I enjoyed Acolyte a ton more than I thought i would, and am so glad I gave it a chance.

Other things:

-Mentioned earlier that I love "little moments of character interactions bring up things that will be necessary/helpful to the plot later." Some actual examples of this: When we see Sol noticing Osha's tattoo and Osha saying he must hate it, which in the moment, shows the kind of guardian-student relationship they have, and how little seems to have changed for them in the time they've been a part. Later, it's shown to clearly identify Osha after Mae steals her clothes. Another is the rolly polly moth things, which at first seem just like a way to show This Forest Dangerous, but then are a plot point to temporarily escape from Qimir, and later on, to show Vernestra's connection to the Force (and also her light whip). Stuff like that, I really like.

-I so appreciated Qimir's Cortosis helmet. For one thing, it's neat that it's not just cool-looking or a disguise, but actually is Force-blocking. I think an official SW account factoid said that this is also how beskar works, though beskar is stronger. The two effects this has: when the user is wearing it, they're forced to confront what's inside of them. The other, is that it hides the wearer's identity from Force users who would otherwise recognize them. The latter is my personal headcanon for beskar helmets, so it's very gratifying to see it in canon! The former has some interesting implications for Force-users who wear beskar.

-The cynical view of the Jedi Order as an Institution, and all the politics, corruption, and obscuring of dirt that that entails. Admittedly this may be because of my own increasingly cynical perspective on the Order, but it felt honest and I agreed with most of it. The fact that individuals are trying their best to do "good" does not negate the fact that they are pretty much acting as Space Cops. This line by Senator Rayencourt felt especially raw:

"I think the Jedi are a massive system of unchecked power, posing as a religion, a delusional cult that claims to claim the uncontrollable. [] Your emotions."

Framed as a religion having unchecked power—that feels uncomfortably realistic! And also zeroing in on how for all their power, the Jedi are still people, and just as fallible (and therefore, must necessarily be held just as accountable).

Also:

I can see how this portrayal of the Jedi may make some folks uncomfortable, especially if you love the Jedi, but I long hold that the Jedi as an organization are deeply flawed. It's part of why I personally like the "fall of the Republic" era; both the Galactic Republic and Jedi Order have deep, fatal flaws, and this is an era where that all comes to a head—one where they must fall, or fix themselves.

So in conclusion, my favorite parts: the characters, and the moral grayness of almost everyone. Many stories may claim there's no good/evil dichotomy, but few ever truly show it, but this one did.

I'm not sure yet if I want to "fandom" over this or if I'm pretty satisfied with having just watched it, but it was definitely worth the watch and I'm glad I gave it a try!

~~

~~

I also kept a lil document of live reaction notes as I was watching, which I'll copy below:

Episode 1

UEDA?? The planet is just, UEDA?? A pretty common Japanese surname?? That's like. Naming a planet Johnson or somethin...

Loving the costumes 'n set

Oh wait I recognize this scene, it's the one they played as a preview at the AMC Star Wars marathon

Idk how to feel about the Space Generic T-Shirt

Ooh Neimoidians (thank you for no horrendously exaggerated Evil Japanese Accent TM), and interesting Jedi ship shape

Oh interesting interesting they intentionally paralleling TPM eh

Hrmn not a positive first impression of Master Vernestra, her lines are so mechanical

Very cool pilot chair droids and tentacle alien

Osha says practice vehicle safety and wear seatbelts and protect your head!

Oh Osha has Trauma I see. Girl ain't getting good sleep

Oh wow Sol Loves Osha, oh no is this going to lead to Padawan Jealousy Trauma between Osha and Jecki. How much are we heavily paralleling TPM here

Kill the dream eh?

Episode 2

Oh there are multiple Jedi temples, that's nice

Jedi Temple using same security system as Jabba is...uh

Mae tips, good for her

Master Torbin just sittin' there, lookin like some random youtuber. why tabi socks

Man I dig Mae's patchwork cloak with massive princess hood.

It's pronounced KAI-meer??? My Chinese ass thought it was Chee-mir

Barash Vow

Ohhh so Mae doesn't know that Qimir...? (was spoiled)

Episode 3

ooh i like the fairy clione things

Ohhh village all women??

Mother Aniseya is stunning

Oh she and Koril blatantly lesbian, fantastic

Oh gosh the Jedi are NOT looking good here. They don't have the right to train children?? WTF

You must let the children take the test?? And if they pass the Jedi will take them away??? That does NOT sound very consensual!!

Oh gosh, selling "you are special" to a child, after separating her from her community...

Really feel like "how does taking a child away affect their community" should be factored into jedi stuff

Mae that is...sudden and violent wtf

Kinda not trusting Sol here

Episode 4

Wow Kelnacca looks...mentally stable

Ohhh Qimir's ship? Looks suspiciously Kylo Ren-ish

Qimir really suspicious eh

Oh wow not using the Force or anything, just using a sniffy guy

They're really doing a Fellowship of the Ring walk huh

Look I absolutely adore Mae's long gorgeous cloak but that is going to drag half the forest floor with her

Not liking those tree bulbs. looks spider eggy

Osha don't Touch the Thing, that's such a Pippin move

oh no, not spider eggs...rolly polly moth vampire thing

Really enjoying Osha and Jecki's friendship, I'm so glad it's not former Padawan jealousy

Oh, Mae, oh no....knowing spoilers...oh...

The red lightsaber igniting next to Osha's head...dang what fantastic composition

The lil hand twitch and head snap. I Get It.

I remember when "Darth Teeth" was trending

And wow that's a Cliffhanger

Episode 5

Oh no Osha knocked out that doesn't bode well

How many against one is that damn

The double spear through then hidden head lop...wow

holy shit booma-saber

Oooooh the cut treeeeees damn

all that death before even the opening title

Honestly GO JECKI, that's very impressive, her win against Mae AND double saber against Darth Teeth, Anakin level spinning and drama

Holy shit Jecki's death was brutal...

She was a child - You brought her here - FAIR

Why risk discovery - I did wear a mask LMAO

Damn did he just casually break Mae's leg

I don't make the rules - the Jedi do

The Jedi say I can't exist...wow

Holy shit Yord's death

Damn full on brawl

I've accepted my darkness, what have you done with yours

Damn really yeeted Qimir from the fight by sticking a light on his back

Pip tho ;_; killin droids feels like killin pets...

They've turned you against me - really Anakin quotin

Wow Sol, not even going to see Jecki????

And wtf how can Sol not tell that Mae's switched them??? Has fandom been grossly misunderstanding how the Jedi use the Force....how the fuck can any Jedi tell apart any clones eh...

While not exactly subtle, I appreciate how lil details in character interactions have had pay offs. Like the tree bugs and Osha's tattoo being a way to identify her

Episode 6

He really just makin a hot pot

his lair kinda looks like sequels Luke's island

Not sure how I feel about the elephant rock bird things

Honestly glad we get to see Sol upset and affected by everyone's deaths. Might explain part of why he can't tell apart the twins?

Oh he's really wearing hakama hakama

Wow Qimir really just getting in buck naked eh. Is this the scene that Manny froze his balls off for

His line about it being fine in a fight but vengeance a few hours later

Oh he brought a change of clothes

Damn the Jedi are taught "it fades"???

Aww Osha, u aren't tempted by the soup??

Oh wow we revisiting bodies, that feels...u usual for SW. Oh there's a Kel Dor... (why are there no flies buzzing yet. or are there no flies yet)

Mae wakes up so peacefully compared to Osha

Oooh sensory deprivation mask, all dark, nothing but breathing, evocative of Darth Vader even if breathing is not similar

Episode 7

Vergence....iiiiinteresting

Sol, stalking lil kids is creepy af

Oh my god you're just gonna break in???

See - You cannot deny the Jedi have a right to test potential Padawans - Why the fuck not???? You don't have the right to stalk, spy on, break into random people's homes, and talk directly to their children without permission from guardians??

Guh Sol....

Interrogation after isolation from guardians....

Oh, the Jedi Council is right for once??

Do not alter this little girl's destiny because you have formed an emotional attachment to her

Gosh I thought Indara was the most innocent in this buuuuut

Episode 8

I'm surprised they never added Darth Teeth's mask to the front credits

"See you in hell" Oh I know Han mentioned Hell like once but I thought they were avoiding mentioning it in newer media

Holy shit Rayencourt: I think the Jedi are a massive system of unchecked power, posing as a religion, a delusional cult that claims to claim the uncontrollable. - Kinda uncomfortably real!!

-We don't control the Force - no, your emotions - OOF

I didn't realize till this ep how the cool Brendok eclipse got that line, it's the comet ring. super neat

oof Mae climbing out of the scene of Trauma...

Oh that is some Wu Xia shit

"I will destroy you if i must" really??

Nice dagger saber

Okay Sol that is Cool

oh gosh, the plot-relevant inversion of clothes resulting in it reflecting how they swapped light/dark is SO cool

very yin yang fighting

Damn it keeps coming down to the unarmed opponent thing

Damn, Mae going the justice route

Damn, just Damn

Gosh the thing about Sol is that he is SO well acted, so sincere in his love and devotion, it's hard to hate him

I'm glad the helmets block the Force identity like that tho, fits headcanon

Glad Basil continues to shine

Oh no. Vernestra...I thought you were doing the right thing revealing the truth, but instead you're continuing the cycle of covering up crimes

Oh...use Mae to find Vernestra's former Padawan...that's a cycle alright

And ends with Yoda okay

[jaxrants]

TW: vent

I hate not having any control over my own life. I hate not being allowed to choose what I wear, what I do, and what I control. I hate being told to do the dishes everytime the sink is full, I hate being the family therapist, I hate not being allowed to relax without being shamed for it.

I tell my sisters no to something that will make a mess if I don't watch them closely, then being forced to give it to them anyways by THEIR father and still have to clean up THEIR mess.

I hate having to do the dishes when their are other people in the house who can do it, then being told the way I do it is wrong.

I hate being threatened to have my hair ripped out of my skull if I don't do what I'm told.

I hate being told I look TOO good in something by my mother and then those pants or that shirt get taken from me and put in my moms drawer.

I hate being told that only skanks wear cropped tops and not to walk around in only a bra and some shorts when I'm hot because my dad (step-dad) is in the house, or he has friends over that he could bring them in, but my mom wears crop tops, and she walks around in the store, at other peoples houses and other PUBLIC places in just a bra.

^But when I walk around OUR house, I'm asking for it

I hate wanting my hair cut, and eventually getting to the point where I want to cut it myself, but I can't. Wanna know why? Cause I'll get my ass beat for doing something I've been BEGGING my mom to do for the past year or so.

i hate being told the hair cut I want is too short, or too boy like, or it doesn't match my face, that it'll make me look ugly.

I hate being expected to let my mother rant to me, but get scolded if I try talking about my feeling with her.

I hate telling my mom things I wanna do, then her tell me no and that I have to do something because she had to.

I hate being told not to let people see me cry, not to let people see me weak, not to let them think I'm weak, then being told I should cry more, and let my feelings out when my dog gets killed.

I hate having to fake my tears so that my mom thinks I'm alright.

I hate that every time I sit down I'm automatically not doing anything, that I'm always so lazy, that I don't do anything.

I hate being the one who has to talk myself out of panic attacks, then when I tell my mom, she just tells me not to let myself.

"Why are you putting yourself the panic attack? Why are you letting it beat you?" She says

But god forbid if one of my sisters start having a panic attack. And I get it, their 5 and 7, yes worry about them, but I'm 15, I want my mom to about me like that.

I hate feeling like I have to fight my feelings.

I hate wanting to be a man just so I can feel some kind of control, and I still don't feel like I can control anything.

I hate the way my step-father has made me hate men, but I still want their love.

I hate feeling like I need to fight for love.

I hate the empty "I love you"'s that come out of my mom, and stepdads mouths.

I hate the fact that I still love my mom, despite the things she's put me through.

I hate feeling like I'm never enough, like if I'm of no use to anyone, then why should they love or care about me?

I hate feeling like everyone expects so highly of me, and then are significantly disappointed when they actually get to know me.

I hate not feeling much of anything besides anxiety, fear, and anger.

I hate feeling smaller than everyone else.

I hate having to create different personas for every person I meet, just so I can be liked.

I hate not being allowed to be myself.

I hate feeling like crap everytime I'm not comfortable with doing something, because if I'm of no use to you, why should you care for/about me?

I hate not being able to focus on one project, and then feeling terrible because I never finished something.

I hate feeling sorry for others more than I do myself.

I hate not knowing when my next meal will be.

I hate being shamed for not eating because "we have plenty of food."

I hate having issues with certain textures of food, and having to go hungry because I don't like what my mom fixed.

I hate not liking certain tastes, then being forced to eat it, because I'm tired of starving myself.

I hate feeling like I'm bothering everyone else because of my feelings.

I hate feeling bad for snapping at my sisters, when they didn't even do anything wrong.

I hate being shamed for how little I eat, and how much I sleep.

I hate how I never get a break.

I hate getting shamed for taking a break.

I hate how my mom and step dad don't care about my hobbies unless it makes money that they can emotionally manipulate me into giving them.

I hate feeling like I can't trust anyone.

I hate losing weight, but still looking fat.

I hate wishing I had more things wrong with me, just so I feel like I have a reason to complain.

But most importantly...

I hate myself

And I'm sorry if you actually read all of this. You shouldn't have to listen to some stranger that you don't even truly know on the internet. Because you don't know me, no one knows me. They know a carefully designed version of me that was made just for them.

@puppet200 @purpleeggyboi @th3-r4t-48 @zeroisreallygood @im-a-simp898 @luciluck2046 @evry1h8s-me @aflairforthemelodramaticc @caretaleandotherstuff

[stayevildarling]

Hi I know you have been very busy and lacking motivation so zero pressure at all but I wanted to request a fluffy/hurt/comfort with Delia, Mina, Billie x Reader with a few prompts. You can use all of them or none of them totally up to you!Hopefully it sparks some inspo, if not no worries at all. Sending lots of love to you and all the good energy! Put yourself first always please!!

Prompts:

“Why are you crying?”

“You’re bleeding”

“I want you to kiss me right now”

“Will you sing for me?”

“Your hands are soft”

“Can I braid your hair?”

Billie Dean Howard x Cordelia Goode x Wilhemina Venable x Reader- Crimson Shadows

A/N: I just want to thank you so so much for this dear anon <3 I absolutely love these prompts and it sparked my inspiration for sure

word count: 4k

tw: mention of violence, mention of blood, mention of witch hunters, mention of knifes, mention of smoking, mention of anxiety, mention of nightmares, angst, fluff/comfort

taglist:

@lunaticwhittaker, @billiebeanhoward, @lanawinters-ily, @kenzbro, @minaslittleone, @httpfiftyshadesofgay, @whitelotus00, @ninaahs, @vintagepaulson, @isle-of-earle, @paulsonsratched, @stepintomyworld, @grilledcheeseandguavajelly, @lucyintheskywithxanax, @fanfics4world, @mymiraclewitch, @hazard-to-myself, @awritersometime, @ohrwurm26, @wastdstime, @p1pecleanerwitheyes

The sun dipped over the horizon, casting soft shades of dark orange and red tones over the grounds of Miss Robichaux's Academy. It had been an ordinary day today, both Cordelia and you working at the academy and your other two lovers at their respective jobs, Mina being her badass self in HR and Billie chasing spirits away for her show. The air is filled with the soft smell of the countless candles lit in the room and the tea you had made for both you and the supreme a little while ago. Cordelia sits across from you in her office, typing away on her computer, watching you lost in a book as you offered to keep her company and help out in any way you could.

Just as the tranquility settles, the phone on Cordelia's desks rings, slicing through the comfortable silence. You watch as she picks up the phone, assuming it's another council business she would have to take care of. However her expression quickly darkens as she listens to the voice on the other end. She stands abruptly, the chair scraping against the wooden floor.

,,Witch hunters have attacked Hawthorne Academy'' she explains, her features filled with concern and fear, while her voice remains steady but laced with urgency. ,,I have to go'' she explains before getting ready to teleport.

You stand up, your heart pounding in your chest. ,,You are not going alone'' you argue. And you knew about this subject and how scared it truly made her, despite your girlfriend not letting it on. You had been at the academy and beside them for years now, long after witch hunters attacked the coven but you had heard the stories, the occasional nightmares that still haunted the supreme and you knew how much she hated it, watching her tense whenever one of the younger witches would bring it up and ask about the subject out of curiosity. There was no way you would let her go alone and go through that pain and fear again.

,,There is no time to argue darling'' Cordelia insists, grabbing her coat. ,,I need to protect them''.

,,And I'm not letting you do that by yourself'' you retort, your determination matching the supreme's.

The blonde hesitates, her eyes searching yours. She knows it's dangerous but at the same time you are her most promising witch. She fights an internal battle of using that strength as she knows she could need all the help she could get. On the other hand you are one of her most prized possessions and she never wanted anything happening to you, knowing the dangers of this. Finally she nods though, grabbing your hand and teleporting you two over there as quickly as possible.

As you find yourself in the academy, the signs of chaos instantly greet you. Smoke fills the sky an acrid smell of burning wood and magic filled the air, causing you to cough a few times. The academy grounds are a battle field and it takes you a minute to get used to your surroundings as you always admired the beauty of this academy whenever joining Cordelia on one of her meetings here. Witches and witch hunters clash, the sound of gunshots and spells lighting up the sky like fireworks.

Cordelia's face is filled with determination as she charges right in the middle of the storm, quickly finding most of the witch hunters and sending them flying across the nearest wall. You are quick to follow behind, using your healing magic to heal some wounded witches currently on the ground. When they open their eyes, you see both the fear and the gratitude in them and you make sure to tell them they are safe and that everything was going to be alright.

The supreme moves with a lethal grace, her spells striking down the attackers with precision. You follow her every step, your own magic surging in response to the threat. Together, you manage to fight through the chaos and pushing back the witch hunters.

,,Oh thank you so much Cordelia'' the headmistress thanks the supreme as the chaos has been fought for now. Cordelia is quick to help the woman to her feet, the two of them walking a little to talk this through. ,,Y/N darling, grab some witches and place protection spells for me please'' she asks and you nod quickly, before some of them follow you.

While you work your magic alongside the others, making sure this place was protected for the future, some of the teachers at the academy are quick to alert the council, knowing they needed to act quick to identify the attackers still on the ground unconscious and prevent further attacks. You are surprised how quick everyone manages to react, almost as if they had done it countless times, their magic working wonders and quickly to get the place back to looking beautiful, spells being cast without a care in the world as if their whole world didn't just crumble, as if you and Cordelia hadn't just saved them from doom and death.

As you make your way back to Cordelia, wanting to make sure this didn't trigger her past too much, the tide suddenly takes a turn. One of the hunters on the ground, manages to shake off the unconsciousness, reaching slowly for a large blade, a wicked smile on his face. ,,Cordelia watch out'' you scream, watching it happen out of the corner of your eyes but knowing you can't react this quickly. As the supreme turns around, the blade lunges forward at Cordelia. She reacts swiftly, but not swiftly enough, having been caught off guard, assuming that danger was averted. The blade catches her in the side and she crumples to the ground, clutching her wound.

,,No'' you scream, rushing to her side, the other witches and headmistress quickly making sure to take him out and drop him back on the floor.

You drop to your knees, holding onto Cordelia as the blood seeps through your fingers. ,,Delia...Delia you're bleeding'' you mumble pathetically and if you could think clearly right now, you know how stupid you sound. She had just been hit with a knife, of course she would be bleeding.

,,I want you to kiss me right now'' she whispers through pain and your expression turns from shock to utter sadness and panic as her words register and why she is saying them.

,,Stay with me.. it's okay.. it's going-'' you struggle to stay calm as tears pour from your eyes, the fear of losing Cordelia almost knocking you to the ground yourself. Her brown beautiful eyes flutter open, pain etched across her face. ,,I'm okay darling'' she whispers, her voice weak. ,,Just need to.. stop the bleeding''.

In a quick motion you tear a strip of fabric from your shirt, pressing it against the wound to stop the flow of blood. You knew you could easily heal her but the distractions of this place seem to drive you crazy, in the midst of chaos, in the midst of the vicious people doing this to her. And you also knew the only place you could do this flawlessly was the greenhouse. ,,Hold on.. I'll take you home and fix this'' you announce, the other headmistress quickly nodding your way before taking Delia's hand and teleporting you both out of there and into your sanctuary.

As soon as you find yourself in the calm and quiet greenhouse, you move all the books and objects from class this morning off the table before putting Cordelia down. Almost on autopilot, you walk to the shelf, quickly grabbing all the ingredients and potions you need, before shakily reaching for your phone and calling the group chat with your girlfriends.

,,Babydoll, little one?'' you hear both voices from Billie and Wilhemina on the other end. And they both knew this must be important as you wouldn't call them unannounced at work. ,,I need you to come home- witch hunters at other academy- Delia hurt- bleeding'' you hyperventilate before dropping the phone and tending to her wounds.

,,You're going to be okay Delia'' you say, more to reassure yourself than the supreme. And maybe your panicking was due to Cordelia's magic being able to heal herself, as this shouldn't have knocked her out the way it did.

It takes a few minutes until you get your magic fully under control, with some spells quickly stopping the bleeding and with your healing magic, quickly making the wound disappear altogether. Despite it technically being unnecessary, you apply some potions on the wound, wanting to make sure she truly couldn't feel any pain.

When the supreme opens her eyes again, you see her worry, fear and pain replaced with her usual soft eyes, her eyes sparkling with love for you. She quickly furrows her eyebrows as she takes a look at you, inspecting your features ,,Why are you crying honey?'' she asks almost dumbfounded, as she sits up, wiping your tears but you turn away, ushering her to lay back down as the shock still ripples through your body. ,,Just rest Delia'' you tell her before leaning against one of the tables, trying to catch your breath as your life just flashed before your eyes, the thought of losing Cordelia completely rippling through you now.

Before the blonde can protest, the sound of heels and a cane urgently tapping towards the greenhouse startle you both and as soon as Billie walks inside she gasps, seeing you covered in blood and the table and books and spells spread out everywhere, all over the floor and table. ,,Oh my god, what happened?'' Billie squeals. Wilhemina remains calm, observing and quickly realising that Cordelia is fine, by the lack of pain in her features, the lack of blood on her body and clothes and assuming by the scene in front of her that you fixed it, saved her.

As Billie rushes towards the supreme, taking her cheeks into her manicured hands, Wilhemina walks towards you, her expression filled with concern and seriousness as she sees how pale you are. ,,Little one, are you okay?'' she asks, her brown eyes observing you carefully. The redhead quickly notices how out of it you truly are, your breathing out of control, your chest rising and falling quickly and how hard your fingers are holding onto the nearest table. ,,Look at me Y/N'' she instructs and when you finally do, her soft brown eyes ground you. She is quick to take your hands into hers, relaxing them and rubbing soothing circles on them.

,,It's fine darling I promise'' Cordelia reassures as Billie continues fussing over the supreme. ,,What happened?'' the medium asks, the shock still very evident in her voice. ,,Witch hunters at Hawthorne'' she mumbles, more concerned about the aftermath and you than herself right now. She is quick to rise to her feet, inspecting herself one more time and in a swift motion getting rid of all the bloody evidence on the table, her clothing and the floor.

,,Sweetie, are you alright?'' she asks gently, having seen that same expression before and only able to imagine how you must be feeling. ,,I'm fine Dee'' you reassure, quick to focus on your breathing as the last thing you want is to make them worry about you right now. Despite her being able to tell the smile is forced, she takes a step back, before her guilty eyes travel between you three. ,,I need to go back'' she announces before you turn even more pale. ,,What?'' Billie asks, her voice laced with disapproval.

,,I need to make sure they are okay, talk to the council'' the supreme begins, knowing the real work was only going to begin now. ,,Let me come with you'' you try, already knowing teleporting her away would earn you her disapproval afterwards. ,,No sweetie you need to rest'' she says softly, taking a step forward and brushing some strand of hair from your tired features.

,,So do you Cordelia'' Wilhemina urges, equally disapproving of the supreme's choice. ,,I won't be long I promise'' she reassures but Billie is quick to step forward. ,,What if there is still danger and you are running right back into it'' the medium argues, her eyes pleading with the supremes. ,,I promise you it's all taken care of'' she assures and you nod towards Billie, knowing that they wouldn't need to worry about any of those witch hunters waking any time soon after this.

,,I promise I'll be back soon'' she reassures again before glancing between you three again and disappearing as she teleports back through the dark sky and towards Hawthorne.

As soon as she leaves a shaky exhale leaves your lips, your body now shaking, the adrenaline from the earlier events having drained your body. Of course your girlfriends instantly notice, two sets of brown concerned eyes meeting yours. ,,Sweetie, are you alright?'' Billie asks softly, putting her hand on your shoulder to offer you some support. ,,I-'' you begin but quickly stop yourself as the tears already rise and the lump in your throat makes it impossible to carry on.

Billie's eyes find Wilhemina's their concern visible and knowing how much this must have been for you as you hadn't been involved in actively protecting a coven, let alone save Cordelia's life before. ,,Let's sit you down'' the medium offers, the last thing she wants is you passing out on top of everything. Despite her offer sounding nice as your knees feel weak, you stare at your hands, the blood still all over them and wanting nothing more than to shower and rid yourself from the painful reminders from today. Wilhemina instantly picks it up, being able to tell what you need before speaking softly ,,Little one, why don't we get you upstairs and shower?'' she suggests softly and you simply nod before they guide you out of the greenhouse and back into your home, the academy.

Their hands are gentle as they both hold you and guide you upstairs, Billie quick to grab some warm towels for you and some pyjamas, choosing the most comfortable pair. ,,Would you like one of us to keep you company or help in any way?'' Wilhemina asks softly, causing your heart to ache a little at her considering words. After thinking about it for a moment you shake your head, shooting them a quick reassuring smile before taking the pile of clothing and towels off Billie‘s hands and disappearing into the bathroom. Their eyes linger on you as you leave and as their brown eyes meet, the concern remains as they know this would have shaken you more than you let on.

„Do you think she‘s going to be okay?“ Billie asks nervously as soon as she hears the water running, biting her lip in anxiety. Wilhemina steps closer, her features soft as she strokes Billie‘s cheek. „She‘ll be just fine darling, both of them“ the redhead reassures, knowing how scared Billie always was of something happening to either of you. „How about we start some dinner for them?“ the redhead suggests before Billie nods. „I suppose we couldn‘t have takeout today?“ she asks, a mischievous smile playing on her lips. „My treat“ she adds in order to make her offer more convincing.

„Billie darling, it‘s always your treat“ Wilhemina jokes, causing Billie‘s cheeks to glow red a little as they both knew Billie despised cooking and Mina often struggled due to her back. „I suppose after today we can“ she allows, causing Billie to jump up and down on her heels a little in excitement. „I‘ll go and take care of that then Ms Venable“ she smirks, swaying her hips a little more than necessary on her way downstairs, causing the redhead to roll her eyes at her girlfriend‘s antics.

It‘s about half an hour later when Wilhemina makes her way upstairs, having helped Billie with setting the table, having called Cordelia in the meantime to check on her. The supreme had reassured her that all danger is averted, mostly thanks to you, that she was fine and only dealing with some things with the council before returning home. When Wilhemina had finished the phone call, still not finding you downstairs, the concern settled on her features again as she ascends the stairs, wanting to make sure that her little one is feeling alright. In the meantime you had simply sat in the shower, your hands still bloody as the thought of Cordelia on the floor bleeding had traumatised you in a way that you couldn‘t even begin to process.

„Little one?“ the redhead tries knocking a few times unsuccessfully. After a few attempts, she tries opening the door ever so slightly, wanting to make sure you are alright as you had been in there for ages. When her eyes land on you sitting in the shower, still not having done anything as your hair and body are mostly dry, her heart breaks a little, seeing the tears running down your cheeks and your broken panicked expression. „Oh honey“ she sighs, quickly stepping inside before closing the door behind her. Despite her back, she sets her cane down, kneeling beside you, before her hand reaches out to take yours into hers. With gentle and soft hands, she puts yours under water, quickly ridding you of Cordelia's leftover blood and making sure the bathtub is clean before whispering ,,Little one, can you hear me?''.

It dawns on you then, how long you had been sitting there, how long you had been staring into nothingness. ,,Yes sorry'' you compose yourself, shaking your head a little, almost as to wake yourself. ,,Mina what are you doing? your back'' you realise her posture and her features quickly soften at how considerate you always are and truly filled with nothing but kindness. ,,I'm fine little one'' she reassures before she reaches for the shower head again, asking silently for permission and you nod. She takes her time gently washing your hair, using some of her special lavender shampoo that you love so much. You opt for cleaning your body yourself, feeling both a little awkward and bad, considering you didn't do anything to deserve it, despite your girlfriend disagreeing with you if she knew your thought process. ,,Your hands are so soft Mina'' you moan slightly, feeling the little scratches on your scalp, instantly making you feel calm and more relaxed.

She chuckles a little before helping you dry off and giving you some space to get changed. When you return to the bedroom, she sits at the edge of the bed and as your eyes travel towards her, you see a hairbrush and some hair ties next to her and she softly smiles at you before patting the space next to her. ,,Can I braid your hair little one?'' she speaks softly and you melt right there, your heart aching and longing for her kindness at the same time. You can't help the tears swelling in your eyes, not sad ones but simply happy ones, feeling so grateful for having your girlfriends and for how they take care of you. And for a moment you hesitate, thinking they had already done plenty for you today and feeling the urge to repay her. ,,Mina, you really don't have to'' you try but she is quick to balance on her cane and shake her head a little. ,,I want to little one, now come sit'' she instructs and you simply obey as she begins braiding your hair for you, making sure to brush with the most care in the world, almost as if you are the most fragile thing on the planet right now.

Shortly after, the two of you descend the stairs, finding Billie in the kitchen, swaying as she hums to herself, putting the food that she had ordered on your plates, pouring some drinks for you. You can't help but smile and Wilhemina can't help but smirk. ,,Oh hi babydoll'' she greets you and she can't help but frown seeing you so comfortable and adorable looking. ,,You alright?'' she asks as she steps towards you, taking your cheeks into her warm soft hands, causing you to melt right into her touch. ,,I am now, thanks to Mina'' you admit, glancing at the redhead who simply smiles warmly at both Billie and you. ,,Is Delia home yet?'' you ask anxiously and just before Billie can say anything, the front door almost magically opens, as if she heard, as if she knew if she wasn't back soon, the three of you would be worried sick.

,,Delia'' you practically whine out, so relieved to see her back safely. She smiles warmly at you three before greeting the three of you with a kiss to your cheek. ,,Come sit, you all must be starving'' Billie instructs before the four of you begin eating. The atmosphere is calm and quiet, almost the way it usually is if it wasn't for the three of you anxiously listening to Cordelia's every word, talking about what the council had found, the next steps and how this would be resolved. ,,So no one got hurt in the end?'' Billie asks carefully, almost in surprise as she knew how dangerous these attacks could truly be. ,,That's thanks to Y/N'' Cordelia softly acknowledges, her eyes meeting yours and she is able to still see the fear in them, already having taken a mental note to talk this through with you properly tonight or tomorrow to make sure you are alright and this didn't traumatise you too much. ,,We are so proud of you babydoll'' the medium speaks, her hand reaching for yours and rubbing comforting soothing circles on the delicate skin.

After dinner, the four of you fall into your normal routine, letting the evening settle in front of the TV as you lay in Cordelia's arms. She holds you steadily, noticing the occasional shaking and that you are a little lost in your thoughts. She speaks softly, reassuring you that she is right there, that she is fine thanks to you and that she is both so grateful and proud of you for today. And she manages to calm you down with each gentle touch, with each gentle reassuring whisper and each gentle kiss she presses on your cheeks. Hours later, the four of you get into bed, Cordelia being the first one asleep after the day she has had, Wilhemina joining a close second as her back was bound to give her some trouble after all the moving. Billie stays wake, wanting to make sure the three of you are alright before you fall asleep.

Only after about an hour, a nightmare ripples through you, the terror of losing Cordelia, of what could and would have happened if you didn't heal her, if you didn't insist on going with her. It causes you to jolt in Billie's arms, tears streaming down your cheeks as panic rises in your chest. ,,Hey babydoll, I'm here'' she coos, still having been awake and doing some work on her phone as her workday was interrupted earlier. ,,Billie'' you cry out, clutching to her shirt as you glance around the room frantically, seeing both Wilhemina and Cordelia asleep safe and sound and calming a little. ,,You're okay baby, just a nightmare'' she reassures as her nails gently scratch your head, hoping this could calm you. She keeps holding you for a while, noticing how you calm down with each passing minute, but sleep remaining a stranger. Her brown eyes glance at yours before you meet them, almost as if you begged for something silently.

,,What can I do my sweet girl?'' she tries and you look away, too shy to ask for what you need. ,,Tell me'' she encourages before you whisper ,,Will you sing for me?''. It takes a moment for the words to register properly and she can't help but chuckle until she realises you are being serious. And her heart melts then, assuming this is what both Wilhemina and Cordelia would do for you whenever she was away filming or already long asleep and your usual nightmares plagued you. ,,Of course babydoll'' she encourages and begins humming gently, the same way she had in the kitchen hours before and your eyes quickly fall shut, feeling her arms wrapped around you, her hands gently massaging your skin and her voice making you feel calm immediately and guiding you back to sleep, knowing the three of them are safe and sound right there with you.

[nalyra-dreaming]

Hey!

I have recently entered the fandom and have yet to read the books, but I’ve kinda spoiled myself all of tvl. I was wondering what was lestat’s relationship with his older brothers, if anything was ever mentioned. I know his older brother is Augustin and that the second one wasn’t named, and I know the marquis’ viciousness and his relationship with Lestat, but I know close to nothing about how Lestat’s relationship with Augustin and the other one was. If he loved each other, if they didn’t, what Augustin and the other one thought of Lestat and vice versa.

Do you mind telling me more about them? I’m positive I won’t be able to read tvl for another few months, so I’d appreciate it :D

Hey!

Welcome :) Hope you will enjoy your stay here!

Lestat's... relationship with his brothers (six older brothers, but only two of those had survived into adulthood) is... not good, to put it simply.

They are the ones who go and drag him back when he tries to run away, who lock him up, and beat him. They are the ones who mock him, and berate him. They are the ones scolding him.

Augustin is the one directly named, and so there are a few instances where they talk, or better, where Augustin berates Lestat or scoffs when Lestat tells of the wolves, for example.

"You little bastard, " he said coldly. "You didn't kill eight wolves! "

I don't think there was much love lost between them (all), at least from their side, Lestat was too different, and too full of life for the way they lived at the castle. There is this note that Augustin had "spent his wife's small dowry as soon as he married her." Lestat's family is impoverished gentry, and literally living off the meat Lestat brings back from hunting by the time the wolves happen.

Augustine is also the one who initiates the scene with the "impossible", which is referred to in 1x01, when Louis goes out onto the Fairplay balcony - Nicolas gives Lestat the fur-lined cloak, and Augustin scoffs:

"Now he will really be impossible! "

Which then leads to Nicolas famously saying (and that is what Lestat says in french when Louis steps out there):

"I too am impossible, Monsieur, " he whispered as I gave him the parting kiss. "Someday, will you let me come to talk to you and tell me how you killed them all? Only the impossible can do the impossible. "

This comment by Nicolas is important, but Gabrielle's comment after is also, because:

"But why don't you go down to the town and make a friend of him? " she asked. "Why the hell should I do that? " I asked. "Lestat, really. Your brothers will hate it. And the old merchant will be beside himself with joy. His son and the Marquis's son. "

His brothers will hate it... and both Gabrielle and Lestat want to break free, from their life and from his brothers - her sons - have talked about breaking free at that point, and in that conversation, Lestat confessed to dreaming about killing them all:

"Mother, " I said in a low voice, "there is more to it. Before it happened, there were times when I felt terrible things. " There was no change in her expression. "I mean I dream sometimes that I might kill all of them, " I said. "I kill my brothers and my father in the dream. I go from room to room slaughtering them as I did the wolves. I feel in myself the desire to murder... "

The relationship between them is never resolved.

Lestat's brothers die in the revolution.

I am not sure how the show will spin it, but in the book he is turned before that happens - and with the turning came money, from Magnus, and despite all the bad blood, the beatings and insults, the being locked up... he sends gifts back home.

He goes and purchases toys for his nieces and nephews to send home, and sends money directly. Dreams about renovating and furnishing the castle.

When they die, he thinks about them, often, falls into a depression after Nicki's death, refers to them at the same time that he does think about Nicki.

They are on his mind, despite everything. And I think he loved them, despite everything. They were... family. But an abusive one.

[kishibe-kisser]

Hiii thank you for being a writer. Could you do a mahito x reader fluff/angst type of thing where he has a weird fondness for the reader but will never admit it outloud (bc after all he is here to destroy humans, he hates them) but then one day reader is in trouble/gets hurt by someone or something & mahito’s protectiveness over reader comes out. Maybe he is like a little bit of tsundere LOL

Ah thank you so much!!!!!! and I totally can! This man is the bane of my existence but also I can't bring myself to hate him???

The only fear you'll feel is me

Tags: sunshine reader! Mahito likes your fear, tsundere Mahito but also Yandere? mentions of violence, stalker-ish Mahito, mentions of death

Word count: 1428

There was something about you, it was different from the other humans. The fact that you were pretty was what initially drew him to you, the perfect little toy to manipulate like the other humans under his thumb. Just as he was about to sink his claws into you, he caught a whiff of your scent.

It was a sweet smell, one that could only be explained by a sunny demeanor. The hatred that made humans smell disgusting was nearly nowhere to be found on you and it fascinated him deeply. The infatuation only grew as he watched you from afar, stalking you in the streets to see just what you got up to and just why you smelled so sweet.

He watched you help an elderly woman cross the street, smiling widely as you did so and even staying to make small talk with her. It was entirely fascinating, your expression not turning sour once as someone stopped you for directions, or as you had to wait in line at a restaurant it didn't seem to bother you one bit. There was not one ounce of hatred in your blood and Mahito just wanted to taste it.

When he appeared in front of you, he fully believed you were going to scream. His maniacal eyes searching yours for fear, but finding nothing other intrigue. Truth be told it wasn't the response he wanted, he thought your fear would be sweeter than that of the other humans and you not being scared of the mere sight of him upset him.

"You aren't scared?" He asked, blocking you from being able to leave his presence in any way. While this man was practically holding you hostage, you didn't feel any fear. If any thing it was fascination. His mismatched eyes, long silver hair and stitches over his skin, sure you could see how others could find him jarring. Not for you though, no you could only describe him as intriguing. "Should I be?" You asked, hand reaching out to graze over the stitching.

Mahito's hand shot up, gripping your wrist and holding it away from his face. He leaned down, smiling and rested his face a few inches in front of your own. "You don't even understand what I could do to you just by touching you." His other hand nuzzled your chin and his words made you wonder just what this creature was capable of.

"Luckily for you I have other things to do, I don't have time to play now." He remarked, letting you go and looking away. He was lying straight through his teeth. He had to get away from you for a moment, the sweet way you looked into his eyes making his chest hurt and head ache. Mahito needed to get away from you and how much he liked you for his own safety.

He might have left you confused but he didn't leave your thoughts at all. He was mysterious, most definitely insane and since the interaction, you had the feeling that he never really left you at all. You could feel his mismatched eyes on you always, every where you went.

He'd come in close proximity, taunting you and then speak to like you were the instigator. He tormented you, acted like you were bothering him when he was the one who was latched to you like a ghost... like a curse.

Yet you didn't hate him, having him there felt like your new normal. Despite the fact that he spewed venom your way each time your eyes met him, you didn't hate him and definitely didn't hate you. You were convinced he was toying with you for his own sadistic enjoyment and because of that you couldn't hate him. It was your nature, being a firm believer of allowing people to do what they needed to get themselves through the day and if Mahito needed to torment you to get through his day, that was okay.

That of course wasn't why he did it. He was indeed a living, breathing curse but god he wanted. He just didn't know how to deal with himself or the emotions that came with it all. You were a cup of hot chocolate on a rainy day and he was the storm. So he treated you the only way he knew how, like shit.

Mahito watched you walk down the street, rain soaking through your pretty hair and it made him angry. Why couldn't you just look at the weather before hand? Then you wouldn't be this soaked through and through. It was simple enough. The worst part was that it didn't bother you. You just continued to hold the bouquet of flowers you just bought and admired them as you wandered home. Turning down the wrong alley, he watched and his body tensed on instinct. You were out of his sight and something was wrong. He just knew.

If there was going to be any danger in your life, it was going to be him.

The moment you rounded the corner you realised it was a mistake. Three menacing figures looming over you nearly instantly, the bouquet of flowers dropping to the ground. "What do we have here?" One of them said, grabbing your arm as you turned to leave. A wave of fear travelled through your body, chills coating your skin from the touch. "I'm sorry, just let me leave." You said, looking up at the man only to be met with emotionless eyes. "I didn't mean to turn the corner." You added on, feeling another one of the men press against your back.

"Why not, we're very nice." The man behind you leaned down to say in your ear and you felt your body cringe. "Now that's not a very nice response." The 3rd man's spewed, raising his hand to strike your cheek. You were truly frozen, not knowing what else to do in this situation other than brace yourself. But the hit never came and the hands holding you let go roughly.

"I don't like it when people mess with my playthings." Mahito's voice made your head snap up and you felt relieved. Nearly crumbling to the ground, you watched as the men surrounded him and laughed at his appearance. However he was unphased, glancing back at you with a menacing smile before simply placing his hands on one of the men.

You watched the man begin to deform, Mahito's laughter drowned out the man's screams as he transformed into a disgusting looking creature before dropping to the ground. His friends let out disgusted cries, making attempts to run away only for Mahito to stretch his arm and effortlessly pull them back. All while transforming them in the process.

Not one sound left your mouth as you watched these men die and the man who had become your shadow transform his body with no effort. The fact that he had just murdered three men didn't phase him at all and well, what you just saw was shocking but you still didn't feel fear. At least not towards Mahito, or what he was. No you felt it more towards the situation. What would have happened if your shadow wasn't there?

Your clothes were drenched through and through and your flowers were crushed, the sight of you pitiful as you wept. Mahito could see it on you now, the fear and he didn't like it. He didn't like it because you weren't scared of him. These men had stolen your fear and that wasn't okay. He didn't like seeing you afraid of something else.

"Pet, are you alright?" Mahito asked you, taking in your tear streaked face and crouching down to your level. His tone was soft and hushed, a layer of worry also in the mix. You nodded your head, reaching to wipe your eyes only for him to beat you to it. His touch was welcomed to you and you pressed your face into hands.

"Did they scare you?" He added on, pulling you onto your face and wrapping his arms around you. "Thank you Mahito." You mumbled, not knowing what else to say. You were traumatised, confused and more than likely falling for a monster. Your tears continued to fall as you watched Mahito pick up your trampled bouquet, picking the destroyed flowers out of it and handing it to you. His grey and blue eyes locking with yours as he pulled a wicked smile.

"Don't worry pet, I'll make sure the only fear you'll ever fear comes from me."

A/N: I really hope you enjoy this! I tried my best to fit Mahito's personality in there. Let me know what you think!

Send me a request!

[sunflowersandsapphires]

hi sapph! can i ask for a peony or sunflower for father figure!frank? it can be with lyn or amy or an oc of yours, either is fine. maybe he is defending them from something/someone? or comforting them? something hurt/comfort esq. if you want to put el in there too i CERTAINLY wouldn’t complain <3 CONGRATS ON 1K!!! i’m so proud of you!!!!

Ok so some brief lore for those of you who are not Via: El is Frank's wife in this AU and Lyn is similar to Amy, she's their pseudo-daughter that they met when she was like 15/16.

Considering how old-fashioned he was with technology, many people assumed Frank Castle preferred phone calls. Sure, he hated texting, regularly complaining about the tiny keys and constantly-expanding index of slang terms that he could never keep up with. But that didn’t mean he liked being on the phone.

Phone calls were usually reserved for urgent business. His ringtone practically gave him a heart attack, sparking a downward spiral of panic about who had been hurt and how bad the injury was.

Tonight was no exception. The piercing shriek emanating from his phone's speaker had him whipping his head toward the coffee table, book abandoned as his pulse jumped. Snatching the phone before it could vibrate off the edge of the stumpy table, he frantically swiped to answer the call.

“Hey, whaddaya need?” He asked, not too shortly--expecting to hear El's soothing voice on the other end. Instead, his ears were met with a trembling, much younger tone.

“Oh, um, hi Frank. Is, uh, is El there?” Lyn's question was shaky, her hesitation clear through the static.

“Oh,” As if the person on the other end would suddenly change if he checked Caller ID, he briefly moved the phone from his ear, glancing at the screen. “Hey, kid. No, she's, uh, she's not here right now. Out with a friend. Did ya call her?”

“I did, it went to voicemail. It's not a problem, I'll just call her later—” Despite the girl's best efforts, Frank caught a sniffle in the background, certain something was wrong.

“Sure, I mean—you can do that if ya want, kid, but I'm here now. Somethin' wrong?” Scratching at the back of his neck, he closed his eyes in a grimace as hIs blatant desperation echoed in his ears.

“It's not important, Frank, really,” Lyn protested, but Frank held firm.

“Hit me, kid.” Crossing his arms, Frank settled against the arm of the couch as she sighed heavily.

“I don't know, I was just..having a bad day. And my roommate dropped out and everyone I've talked to was busy and I...” She trailed off, sniffling. ”I miss her, Frank.“

His chest constricted, his concern that he was far out of his depth only growing as his pseudo-daughter grew more emotional. ”She misses you too, short stack.“

”She does?“ Lyn questioned, words quivering with apprehension and doubt.

”Every day, sweetheart.“ Frank answered truthfully, remembering the tears his spouse had shed after dropping Lyn at her dorm a month or so ago. ”You in your room?“

”Uh, yah. Why?“ Momentarily confused, Lyn's crying stopped.

”Give me an hour.“ Already hauling himself off the couch, Frank didn't let the girl argue, wishing her a goodbye and grabbing the car keys hanging by the door.

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Lyn looked impossibly small on the bench outside her building, though she puffed her chest out a bit when he scolded her for sitting outside in the dark by herself.

”I can take care of myself, Castle.“ She huffed, rolling her eyes at his protective antics.

”Yah, yah, whatever short stack, I brought ya somethin'.” He scoffed, handing her the plastic bag of provisions he'd decided were necessary.

“Oreos, and goldfish?” Lyn asked, seemingly unimpressed.

Frank shrugged, burying his hands in his pockets. “Thought you might want snacks for the drive.”

“What drive?” Narrowing her eyes, Lyn looked skeptical.

“Was gonna bring you home for the weekend, so you could chat with El when she gets home. If ya want.“

Her lips parted in surprise, her piercing gaze dropping to her worn converse as her eyes turned glassy. ”Yah, that's..that'd be great, actually.“

”A'right, better get goin' or she'll beat us there.“ Turning on his heel, Frank headed for the truck, opening Lyn's door before hopping back into the driver's seat.

They made good time. The traffic was limited, given how late it was, and Lyn entertained him by switching between radio stations, critiquing his choice of music. Soon enough they were treading up the crooked staircase, slipping into the apartment as quietly as they could.

On the couch, El craned her neck. 'Oh hey, where'd you--”

Breath catching as her eyes landed on Lyn, she was up in a flash, intercepting the younger woman with a tight hug. “What're you doin' here, pumpkin?”

Lyn blushed, stuttering over an explantion. Squeezing El's shoulder, Frank pressed a kiss to her temple. ”She forgot some clothes, I figured it couldn't hurt to bring her here so I didn't miss somethin'.“

Lyn smiled at him, nodding in agreement. ”Yah, that. You ok if I stay for a few days?”

El beamed, tucking a stray lock of hair from Lyn's forehead. ”Honey, you're always welcome back home. You know that. Are you hungry?“

Frank couldn't help but smile, watching fondly as Lyn followed his wife into the kitchen. His two girls in the same place, just like old times.