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am-i-the-asshole-official · 4 months

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AITA (30f) for losing my cool/snapping at my roommate and friend (30m, who I will call Kyle) because he was too loud playing games online with his friends?

For context, in case it's needed: this happened a couple months ago, but it's been on my mind. We are both autistic and thus got a late start in our adult lives, in several ways. We have been friends for 10 years and have lived together for roughly 7 of them, on and off (we adopted 2 cats together many years ago, its just easier like this so we dont have to separate them or force one of us to be away from the cats. we love them very much. kind of a coparenting situation lol). Kyle has a salaried tech job that's remote for 70% of the time, and I've recently become a full-time online college student after failing to "make it" without a degree.

We live in a tiny 2-bedroom house that Kyle's family owns. We're only charged for utilities, which is why neither of us are leaving anytime soon (contrary to what you might assume, Kyle does not make a lot of money), especially since it's giving me the opportunity to go to school full-time and not worry about rent. Kyle helps me a lot with groceries and other necessities and I do most of the chores.

So we are always basically on top of each other, and sometimes we get on each other's nerves. We try to be respectful of each others' space, but it's hard because there is not much space in the first place.

I had a really busy day studying and doing homework, which is basically every day for me, since I'm taking 6 classes, 4 of which are STEM classes. So I tend to fall asleep early if I'm not unintentionally pulling all-nighters. I was trying to sleep when this happened around 9pm.

He usually closes his door because he knows he can be very loud, but it doesn't help much. I ended up having to close my own door to try and drown out some of his yelling and laughing, which I understand is going to happen and I try not to hold it against him.

But then he opened his door and left it wide open, so I could hear everything, like he was in the same room. Something really funny must have happened because he started scream-laughing.

Despite this being a semi-regular weekly occurrence, I was really startled. I figured, it probably wasn't intentional and he'll try to quiet down and close his door. I tried to relax and as soon as I started to fall asleep, he did it again, except louder.

This time he didn't stop, he was full-on screaming and yelling at the top of his lungs. Kinda like those game streamers/youtubers where literally all they do is scream the whole time? Very similar. My cat, who was asleep under the blanket on top of me, got startled awake and scratched the shit out of my leg.

I think this all triggered a "fight" response because I was suddenly just so incredibly pissed at Kyle, which I tried to get under control, but he would not stop screaming and I literally could not hear myself think.

(I cannot wear earplugs or have anything in/covering my ears for huge sensory reasons.)

Then my cat wanted to leave the room to see what the commotion was, so I had to open the door, which gave me a direct line of sight to to Kyle at his computer.

I walked over to his doorway. Tried to knock and call his name, but he didnt notice with his noise cancelling headphones on. So I slammed my hand against his door to get his attention & yelled "Hey! Shut the fuck up, Kyle!"

He looked surprised to see me and laughed and kinds waved it off and said "sorry, it got a little intense" and he started to explain what they were doing.

I cut him off and said "I don't care. Shut the hell up." He said he could close his door again, and I said "No, you need to stop. Just stop! You're freaking the cats out too!" and I pointed to my leg with huge bloody scratch marks, shut his door, went back to my room, shut my own door. And of course after that I had adrenaline coursing through my body and I couldn't fall asleep anyway.

After that, I didnt hear a single sound from his room apart from an occasional quiet laugh. I started to feel guilty. I think I overreacted and ruined his fun. I know this is his way of blowing off steam halfway through the work week.

I also felt embarrassed because his friends probably heard me throwing a fit. We have lived with them before, and they're exactly that loud every single night. I have had to ask them to quiet down multiple times, and Kyle told me later on that gave them the impression that I'm. Well, "neurotic, controlling bitch" was heavily implied. Kyle is usually a lot more chill, but being around these guys influences him to act more like them.

But, I guess being loud while having fun isn't a crime, especially when it's not even 10pm yet. I feel like I proved his friends right, maybe.

The next morning I apologized, he apologized too, and everything seems to be good between us, but it's been a while and he's a lot quieter during game night now. He's such a reserved and stressed out person, he hardly ever laughs except when he's playing games, so I feel like I destroyed an important outlet.

I told another friend what happened and she said I didn't overreact at all and she would have flipped out way sooner if her husband did that. (Not sure it's comparable I mean we aren't married lol) And for the record, this friend and her husband were once part of a now-fractured friend group including Kyle and his game night friends, but grew apart, for a lot of reasons, but I think mainly because the Loud Gamer Friends never really grew up while everyone else matured and moved on to different phases in life.

Basically my friends current impression of Kyle is that he is a decent person but incredibly emotionally stunted and feels like he may unintentionally cope in ways that often hurt me without caring as much as she thinks he should. Which....feels partially accurate, I guess. But isn't that placing too much responsibility on him for my wellbeing? He does a lot for me, so it felt like an unfair thing to say.

My mom on the other hand, seems to fully think I am an asshole fun-ruiner. She thinks I should have tried harder to calm down. Maybe I should have approached him sooner - nicely.

And I agree. He probably would have tried his best to oblige even if he couldn't fully succeed. But that's the reason I didn't bother - in the past he has only been able to honor that kind of request for maybe 10-15 minutes, then forgets, and it's exhausting to keep reminding him.

Anyway... what does everyone here think?

#aita #am i the asshole

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tarfeeder · 3 months

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You have the best smoking and stomach pics! What is your smoking and weight gain history?

How did I become a smoker? I've always been fascinated by guys who smoke. I bought my first pack (red of course!) at 14 years old. I immediately liked it, feeling the smoke in my throat then my lungs, the effect of the nicotine which made me a little dizzy at the beginning, the filter which turned brown at the end.

For a year, I remained a closet smoker. After smoking I would wait before going home so my mother wouldn't smell the smell. Then I started feeling the urge to smoke, so I would go out after dinner. Finally, my mother said to me one evening: "why are you hiding that you smoke? I can smell tobacco on you"... I said, "yes mom, I smoke." I think she understood that I was becoming a smoker, and that nothing would make me stop smoking. I felt so free! No more hiding, hiding cigarettes, brushing your teeth all the time.

My consumption increased quickly. Seeing me light my first cigarette immediately after breakfast, my mother said "you smoke too much, you will destroy your lungs" But I found this idea very exciting :)

Gradually, I understood that I didn't smoke just for pleasure, but out of need. It's fascinating how nicotine takes over our brain. It forces us to anticipate the craving, chain cigarettes before 2 hours of classes without a break, smoke before sleeping, after meals. And then, no longer being able to wait until the end of breakfast to smoke, but giving my body its first dose of nicotine, when getting out of bed... Unless it's the need of nicotine that wakes me up? I had to start working after school to pay for my daily pack of reds. And I had to limit myself to this pack, because I couldn't spend more money.

After studying I got my first job, more money, meaning more cigarettes a day.

Smoking had become normal, satisfying my need for nicotine made me chain cigarettes naturally. The same pleasure every time.

As I was very thin I decided to start going to a gym to gain muscle and I really liked it. My body was developing, I gained biceps, pecs, back, my veins popped out.

And friends said “wow, great muscles !” I was very careful with food, avoiding dishes that were too rich or sweet, and being careful with alcohol. Cardio training to feel my lungs clean, because it caused the coughing necessary to evacuate the tar, and lift weights. My body was still lean, but muscular, well defined, I was proud of the result, I enjoyed wearing tight clothes to show my fit body.

I had this routine for a long time, work, gym, and always the pack of reds and tar accumulating in the lungs. But the lungs began to have difficulty providing enough oxygen and energy for training, it became more difficult, the efforts no longer brought pleasure. So my decision was to stop training, and eat and drink what I wanted. Obviously, combining caloric intake and stopping workout quickly had effects. No more abs, fewer biceps, the veins disappears. The belly got rounder, bigger and bigger, and eventually, like when I played sports, it was a different kind of body change. And I started to like these new shapes, the t-shirts that reveal the fat belly, the shirts who becomes too small to button my belly. My lungs are full of tar, they work harder to move my fat, my heart has to work a lot harder, and my arteries must not be in good condition to allow them to work well. I know that, but I won't change anything.

#smoker #marlboro #men who smoke #men smoking #black lungs #fat belly

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andkisses · 10 months

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♡ new clarity | heeseung ♡

you thought you’d made peace with your past–but here, at this pre-finals christmas party, it seems like there’s much, much more than you bargained for

♡ heeseung x gn!reader | wc. 2.8k ♡ genres/tropes: college!au, party atmosphere, high school sweethearts to strangers to 👀 ♡ mentions of/warnings: party atmosphere lol, drinking/drinking games, kissing, pet name usage, reader is implied to be shorter ♡ a/n: an old writing from my old blog that i accidentally deleted :”) inspired by pool by paramore but specifically this version lol i've added and revised it a bit as well

♡ masterlist ♡

Whatever this is, it had been building and bubbling and rising since eleventh grade. That’s when you set down on this path. When your friend introduced you to her friend, who in turn introduced you to all of his friends. He had seemed kind enough, with sparkly doe eyes that caught the sunlight in enchanting ways. The way his eyes seemed to light up, too, when he met you for the first time. He had some sort of magic to him, you figured—an air that made people want to get to know him better. It had been a simple meeting in the cafeteria during lunch period.

It had been simple, once.

Now, it’s anything but.

Navigating senior year had been stressful enough, but Heeseung’s laugh made it easier. Heeseung had been the kind of person who could cheer you up with a terribly bad pun—puns he never seemed to run out, a seemingly endless supply of groan-inducing monstrosities. His firm shoulder and tender touch and listening ear made hardships bearable.

The way he would look at you, with all the love he could muster in his eyes, small smile on his lips, made it bearable. His kisses, loving and gentle and playful and passionate. The way he would come over to help you with your essay but end up chatting with your mom while cutting fruit. His whispered nothings when he said goodbye, fingers slipping from yours, with a promise to see you in the morning and a smile that would leave your cheeks flushed and your heart full.

You balanced each other in this way–you did the same for him. Cheering him on at his softball games with cheesy homemade signs that were completely embarrassing but made his heart ache in a unique way nonetheless. Helping him study for AP exams that would boost his college applications. Holding him while he cried into your arms after not getting accepted to his dream college, muttering confusion after confusion that you had no answers to. No solution or fix. You couldn’t fathom why, either; he had the grades and the extracurriculars. He was a model student. He was everything. You told him to try again. He told you it didn’t really matter anymore.

Heeseung was different after that night, in subtle ways that close friends picked up on but teachers and passerby people missed entirely. You saw him changing right in front of your eyes as he grappled with the consequences of his future. His laugh wasn’t as loud anymore. His jokes became less frequent. He got quiet.

His touch felt more distant.

You broke up the week before graduation, a shared agreement where you were both okay with the fallout. Your mutual friends were shocked, especially the ones who introduced you all the way back in eleventh grade. It felt like so long ago. Yes, you would miss his touch. Crave his kisses. Long for being held when all you two would do is watch the stars on a gingham blanket and talk about the future, any future. As long as this imagined future involved you two together, it was okay.

As you sat in a crowd of your graduating peers, it felt like you didn’t know which way was up or down.

College came, and freshman year blew by, as did sophomore year. Memorable only the way you would recount a movie that was neither bad nor good. You tried a bunch of things: club activities that failed because the ones you wanted to join occurred at conflicting times–class had to come first. Jobs that turned to dust because they were only temporary for various holidays or tourist influx. Dates with no one ever worth mentioning.

The first half junior year melted away with major-related courses and more papers than you could believe. You tried not to think about the times Heeseung would come over to be your editor, scribbling nonsense in the margins of your rough drafts. Just like you tried again at the dating scene. There had been others, but none like Heeseung. None with a smile like his, that lit up a room it shined so brightly. None with eyes that sparkled and softened whenever they saw you. Or with a voice like his when you were sad, and he would sing to you.

Some of them wouldn’t even try to sing to you.

And now, here you are: at a Christmas party you said you wouldn’t attend because you had to study for finals–class had to come first. But your friend dragged you along, saying you would enjoy it and have fun. “I guarantee it,” she’d promised, chucking cute, Christmas-y clothes in your direction. You normally wouldn’t have been persuaded, but the incessant asking began to overpower any odds of studying. You’d settled on your favorite jeans and a loose red sweater with sequins interweaved before you had even decided on actually attending.

Your friend was giddy on the way over, in a way you’d never seen her before. As she shifted the car into park, practically jumping out of her seat, you’d put it down to her succeeding in dragging you out to some random party. She was gone the moment you two stepped inside, telling you to “have a great night!” with a wink as she vanished into the crowd.

Which brought you to this.

“What are you doing here?” you ask as Heeseung begins to kiss your cheek down towards your jaw. The bathroom lights were off, but the owner of the house had strung up oversized Christmas tree bulbs to illuminate the space and bring festivity or what have you to the small room. At least, that’s what you assume as your mind tries to process everything all at once. Red, green, and blue tones dance across his dark hair that curled up at the edges, a tousled look. You notice he still smells like orange and cinnamon, even after all this time.

It has a particular effect on you.

He hums against your skin, and you can feel his smirk. “Kissing you,” he says simply, as if it were the most obvious thing. Maybe it is.

“Be serious!” You playfully bat against his shoulder, and even with the solid hit, warmth against your palm, he doesn’t feel real. This couldn’t be real. You hadn’t seen each other since that summer after freshman year. You texted and talked but it regarded boring mundane things, nothing ever too personal or revealing. You’d become strangers. You hadn’t even told him about your boyfriend, or the break up following, or the other boyfriend, or the other break up, or the third boyfriend and the third break up...

But they never sang to you, so they weren’t worth mentioning.

A quick peck on the tender flesh of your neck, warmth spreading from each spot Heeseung kisses. “I am.”

“Seung…” you warned, resolve waning.

He laughed against your neck, pulling you closer in the dark. “I missed that,” he murmured.

“What? Me scolding you?”

“No, you saying my name,” he replied, slowly rocking you back and forth. “Actually, no. That was a lie. Just you. I miss you.”

Even though you’re sure it only happened less than half an hour ago, it feels like a million years since you caught Heeseung’s eyes in the living room. It was filled with people, milling around each other and shouting over the obnoxiously loud music in order to hear better, which in turn only made everything else louder. The din was slowly and surely becoming unbearable, and you turned to leave when you felt a stare.

You searched the crowd, standing on the hearth to see above the drunk people and the sorta-sober friends crying about how finals were next week and here they were, playing beer pong with ginger ale because someone forgot to bring more beer to play said beer pong. He looked as shocked as you felt, eyes wide and sparkly and lips slightly agape. Your heart jumped as he began to part through the pained students attempting to forget their GPAs and make his way to you, and you were moving towards him before you even realized it.

Somehow, that led to kissing in the bathroom down the hall, where both of you had raced to lock the door, with no real lights and stupid dollar store Christmas bulbs strung about.

Somehow, you’re okay with it.

“Sing me a song,” you request. You can still hear the party outside, tinny-sounding songs bleeding through the walls and party noise. It sounded like someone just scored big in ginger ale pong or failed miserably. But Heeseung, your Heeseung, is here and in front of you and in your arms. You wrapped your arms around him, arms tight against his back, your head tucked into his chest. This was probably what your friend meant, why she was so adamant about your attendance, though you don’t know how she could have known about Heeseung. Maybe it was his magic again.

You suppose it doesn’t matter. She’d probably tell you all about her evil plan to get you and your ex back together—

You flinched in Heeseung’s arms, eyes shut. Calling him an ex didn’t seem right, though that’s certainly what he was. You’d dated, then you'd broken up. You both agreed to do so, regardless of the begging of mutual friends. Regardless of all those different futures you’d envisioned together. Yet, here at this party, in a place you didn’t expect to see him, a place that didn’t make you even think of him, in his arms, ex seems too harsh.

“Please?” you ask quietly, finding yourself nuzzling into the softness of his flannel.

Heeseung laughs, bright and so much like him, and the rumble through his chest makes you smile. “Needy, are we?” he teases, voice soft. You can imagine him biting his lip like he would when he teased you and his own cheeks flushed. You lean more of your weight against him as he quietly sings to you. “I’m underwater, no air in my lungs... My eyes are open, and I’m giving up... You are the wave I could never tame... If I survive, I’ll dive back in…”

You turned up to him, chin resting on his chest, confused pout on your lips. “Are you asking me on a date?” you question. “I don't even know why you’re here. You don’t go to school here. Or anywhere near here.”

“One,” he begins, bringing up a finger and lightly booping your nose, “I have no idea what you’re talking about. You’re the one who asked me to sing, so I sang. How dare you label me with ulterior motives.” He smiles, nose scrunched against yours, and you can’t help but giggle at his affections. “Secondly, my school had finals last week. I’m finished, and I thought I’d come over and watch all the other people suffer and drown their sorrows in cheap liquor and apple juice.”

“It wasn’t ginger ale?” you ask, frowning.

“They’re too broke for ginger ale, my delight,” he says, the pet name rolling off his tongue like he never stopped calling you that. Like there wasn’t almost three years separating you two like this. “They’re college students.”

“Did you come here to see me?” you ask, the idea popping into your mind. Part of you is screeching because oh my god did you seriously just say that? To him? To his face? But another part, the one closer to your heart, needs to know. The part that’s been daydreaming about something similar to this, though none of them ever occurred in a bathroom at a Christmas party with cheap lights. A part that longs for the simple time, of falling asleep after sweet kisses and talking about the future, any future.

A future with you two together.

“If I survive, I’ll dive back in... I’ll dive back in, I’ll dive back…”

“Hee-seeeeung—” you drawl, sounding like a petulant child. You don’t care, you’re too hopeful. “Answer meeeee.”

He mimics your tone. “Fiiiiiiiine.” He stood you up, pushing you off him with his hands on your shoulders as he levels a stare. His eyes sparkle, even in the low light“Go out to dinner with me tomorrow night.”

You raise an eyebrow.

He smiles awkwardly. “Please?”

“Heeseung, I’m one of those sad college students waiting to suffer for finals. I need to study.”

He groans playfully, like you’d told him he had to win a golf tournament for a chance at dinner. He drops his arms and rolls his head back before looking back up. “Let me try again,” he says, hands clasped behind his back and smirk barely contained on his lips. “Can I purchase your favorite takeout and bring it to your dorm and help you study?”

“Depends.” You pinch your chin between your thumb and forefinger in a mock thinking position with pursed lips. You’ve gotta tease back somehow, right? “Study like real study–you know, the boring way–or study like you kiss me after I get a review question correct?”

“Hey, studies show that rewards help you learn and retain more information.” Heeseung shrugs before his faux seriousness fades into a myriad of giggles as he quietly repeats himself, “Studies... study... haha.”

“Oh my god.” You lightly shove his shoulders back, causing him to break out into more laughter. And there it is, that bright smile that made the sun ashamed. That warmed your cheeks and kept your heart beating on the bad days. The one you’ve longed to see so dearly.

“I miss us,” you say. Or breathed. You didn’t really put effort into saying it, but it came out nonetheless. You lean back against the counter, and Heeseung mirrors your stance against the opposing wall. “Why did we break up?”

“We were different,” Heeseung replies, as if it’s the easiest answer. Maybe it is. “We needed space.”

You bite your lip thinking, eyes everywhere but Heeseung. Is this really a good idea? Had breaking up even been a good idea? College had been lonely without him. He was there but he wasn’t. Baseline text messages were different from face-to-face heartfelt conversations. He’d become a stranger, an idea you kept in your memories. But now, he’s within reach of your fingertips, and something deep inside tells you that if you catch hold, you’ll fight to keep him close this time.

“About tomorrow night…”

Heeseung’s head shot up, eyes anxious. “Yeah?” he exhales, as if he’d been waiting for you to say something, anything.

“If you promise to bring my favorite takeout and a decent supply of kisses,” you say, stepping forward with your hands behind your back just like he had been, “because I do have a lot to study for, I guess you can come over.”

“Really?” Heeseung steps close, and he seems timid. Like you might yell and tell him to go away. Like this whole moment isn’t actually happening. His eyes hold hope and joy and happiness. And you want to keep them that way. “You’re willing to give us another try?”

You nod, biting down a shy smile. Heeseung moves to hug you, swoop you up in his arms and you know he’s going to try and spin you around like a Disney movie. A thought comes to mind quickly, new options forming now that there’s more possibility. You hold up a hand, and his chest runs straight into your palm. “What?” he asks, fearful and worried.

“You still haven’t actually kissed me tonight, Seung,” you remind, tilting your head up towards him. You point all around your face and neck before tapping on your lips. “I don’t think I could wait until tomorrow night after all this time.”

Heeseung pouts, pulling at your hands. “I’d get red lipstick on me, though.”

You smile slyly this time, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling close. Heeseung’s smile grows wide, making your heart pound with the puppy love you’d felt before, but this time, it feels like it could grow into something more. You two were older now, maybe wiser if the school system had done its job. Or maybe you were still fools.

At least, you can be fools together.

You bump into his nose with your own, something that makes you feel little and young and powerful again. You smile up at him and, even in the darkness and the stupid Christmas lights, you can see how his eyes glitter and shine with a particularly new clarity. “Something tells me you wouldn’t mind,” you whisper.

Heeseung bumped his nose back. A quick peck, and you smile that he still tasted like hot cinnamon candies. “Something tells me you’re right.”

#enhypen fluff #enhypen headcanons #enhypen scenarioes #enhypen imagines #heeseung fluff #heeseung headcanons #heeseung scenarioes #heeseung imagines #college!au #fluff #prose #all #enhypen

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theloganator101 · 9 months

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I'm not sure if I did an ask about this, or if you did a write up about it, but isn't funny how we never hear what exactly makes UA such a prestigious school?

I did some research on Japan's 10th grade public high school education, and from what little we see of their classes, it matches it. It's nothing especially advanced or rigerous, so we can cross academics off the list. The only thing we know about extracurricular activities is that Hero Course students aren't allowed to participate in them, so it can't be that either.

We only know for sure that All Might and Endeavor are UA graduates. What about other highly ranked heroes on the Billboard (excluding Hawks and Mirko, who were explicitly stated to have not gone to any heroics schools)? This arguement holds some weight - that it's based on their alumni, but not really.

What extra advantages does UA have over other schools like Shiketsu or Ketsubutsu? Do they have Sports Festivals or internships, too? What about Work-Studies? What's the passing rate of those who take the Provisional Licensing Exam amongst the hero schools?

And this isn't even counting all of the bad press UA has racked up through the series.

This is something I've been trying to think about myself as my dad was a high school teacher himself, but when you try to think of UA as an actual school it doesn't make a lick of sense.

Even though it's meant to be the main setting of the series most of the time, we hardly get any chances to see how it functions as a school, how it's different from regular schools, or why it's even considered the number one hero school in Japan.

And I know I've ranted on this before, but I hate how they literally work their students to the ground and forcing them to be mini adults instead of allowing them to be fucking teenagers when they can. Which I get, it's an elite school where the work is gonna be hard. But I'm sure other elite schools ALLOW their students to breathe and have time for their hobbies and interests so they're not burned out and numb when doing their work!

SPEAKING OF HOBBIES AND INTERESTS!!

Why doesn't UA have any school clubs or extracurricular activities? Wouldn't that be a good thing for the hero students to do so in case they decide doing hero work is not their thing, they would have something to fall back on and not be fucked in the job department?

Is heroics all that this school cares about? Because apparently fuck the other departments and what they do! If they can't fight then they are not important! It would've been nice to see how they fair compared to the heroics class, how they contribute to society when they graduate and what they actually think of 1-A instead of the whole hate wagon that was going on.

UA being a horrible school could've made for some good story telling how it's a good school ON PAPER but in practice their flaws really show. Because you have teachers that don't seem to teach anything, show clear favoritism and biases against students, victim blame and punish the wrong people while the true aggressors go Scot free.

It would've been refreshing to see people in the story call UA out for wanting to put their reputation and image first before the safety and well being of their students, how it utterly failed most of their students while praising the ones that would probably go on to abuse their power and continue the cycle of being full of corrupted heroes.

#bnha critical #mha critical #ua critical #ua is a horrible school #how it's still going i'll never know

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lyon-amore · 5 months

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*Attention: This story is inspired by the canon of the game due to the future of the characters and the sequel to the oneshot 'Crossed destinies'.

It couldn't be happening to me. No…

I look at the blue screen of the computer, with a small —or perhaps greater— anxiety of not knowing what to do.

"Come on, react," I comment, pressing all the keys, but I don't dare take out the flash drive or turn it off. “Please don't mess up.”

Luckily, I had called the secretary's office explaining that I had a problem and that they would look for the programming teacher.

I lean on the table, biting my nails. A bad habit I've had for years. It's incredible that it has to happen to me, why did it happen? I have done what he told me, what could have been the problem?

I try to type again while following the instructions, but the screen turns blue again.

<<Great, you did a good job, Macie.>>

I jump a little in place when I hear the voice. A familiar voice. I heard it two years ago.

I turn around finding a boy with black hair and green eyes.

“It can't be…” I mutter to myself.

“It cannot be what?” he asks me, adjusting his backpack.

I shake my head, trying to come back to earth. Now I was ashamed to speak.

<<Also, renember that you have a boyfriend, silly.>>

Renember? Even my thoughts get nervous without being able to think about the words clearly.

I see the boy waiting for me to speak, he even raises an eyebrow, impatient.

"Sorry, I was..." I took a deep breath, pointing to the computer. "I just don't know what happened, it was fine a moment ago and now, poof!" I raise my arms, slapping the sides of my body, nodding with eyes almost full of tears. “Goodbye, computer.”

“Just like that?” He pushes me aside carefully, even with a small sorry.

He start typing. It also gives him an error.

“Just like that,” I cross my arms, watching him.

I bite my lip as I tilt my head, looking at his―

“Alright, I know what happened.”

I react, clearing my throat.

“What happened?”

He steps aside and I approach him. He points to the flash drive connected to the tower.

“Where did you get the flash drive from?”

“A third-grade student gave it to me,” I answer, beginning to think of the worst. “He told me that the teacher needed me to send her some urgent files and since he was busy, if I could do it.”

He makes a sound of agreement but crosses his arms as he puts a hand to his chin.

"Well, I have two news for you: One good and one bad." He looks me directly in the eyes and in part, I feel that it comforts me. "Which one do you want to hear first?"

"The bad one," I answer with fear, "perhaps the good one will relieve me later."

He lets out a laugh that makes me fall in love with it. I hope hr don't notice that I just blushed because I notice heat in my cheeks.

"The bad thing is that they have played the joke that is played on first years—"

"I'm a first year...”

“Oh…” he scratches the back of his neck, nervous. “Well, officially welcome to the university.”

“Thank you…” I bow my head, with a little discomfort.

I didn't think this happened at this university, I thought it was prestigious, that's why I didn't choose to study outside the country.

“Although it was supposed to be already prohibited since it can generate a high cost in repairing these computers.”

“Oh yeah?” I look at him with curiosity at his words.

“Each class had a flash drive like these to scare the first years, they gave it to the second years to continue the tradition,” he leans on the table, explaining it. “But seeing that each time the “virus”” he makes quotes with his hands “was much more dangerous, they banned it.”

So a virus to scare the new ones. Well, it's not even a bit funny, I've found myself having to ask my parents for money and it's enough that they pay for my apartment because I wanted to live alone. At least until I find a job.

I try to calm down, there is supposed to be a good part of all this.

“Okay, and the good news?”

The boy turns the backpack around and takes out a flash drive from one of the pockets.

“I am the one they call when this happens,” I notice pride in his voice when he says it.

“Or maybe you're the one who made these flash drives that make computers explode.”

“No, it is not my style, I prefer to be more stealthy.”

I let out a laugh, remembering his entrance. I didn't even notice him when he arrived.

He turns around and places the flash drive in the other USB connection. He sits in the chair and begins to work.

I sit at the desk, watching him work. I try to place my skirt better so that my legs can't be seen, I don't want to distract him.

<<Or do I? Wait, what am I thinking? Ugh… Calm down, you don't even know if he's dating anyone, it's weird that you're at the same university. Don't do this to Klaus, he's a good boy.>>

“Leave.”

“What?” I wake up from my thoughts. Looking at him confused.

"You can leave if you want, it is just fixing it."

"I won't stay calm until I see it fixed." I see him leaning on the table, looking at me, raising his eyebrows as if he were saying, 'Don't you trust me?'. “It's just that I've gotten nervous and I need to see that it's fixed, and also return the flash drive to that guy and tell him that his joke almost cost me a foot in the grave.”

He lets out a kind of laugh —I think—, as if my expression had amused him. I don't see him looking at me even once, so he's not that type of guy... I like him.

With a smile, I get off the table. It is approved. He's not a pervert... For now...

I sit in the chair next to him, watching him work. I may know how to type quickly, but he doesn't seem to even touch the keys. I stare at his hands. His fingers are long. Again, another heat wave. I shake my head, trying to shake these thoughts away. I just didn't believe I would see him here. What were the chances of finding him again?

“It will be fine, do not worry,” he says with a smile without looking away from the screen.

"It's not..." I bite my tongue, it's better if I don't say anything. "Yes, I'm worried, too worried."

“Well, do not worry, that is why I am here.” He looks at me and winks.

I roll my yes. He thinks he's good with his skills, huh?

“Do you do this thing of fixing the computer of newbies who play pranks?” I ask, resting my chin on my hand.

"No, it is been about two years since I fixed one," he answers, giving me a quick look. “I am surprised that flash drives are still in circulation, they are supposed to get rid of them.”

"Well, someone didn't do it in my career."

“What do you study?”

“Journalism.”

“I understand then,” I blink, confuse. “There is a promotion to get a future position in the news 'The Vigilant’', so everyone is wanting to be on the lists.”

“And how do you know that?” I tilt my head, curious “Do you also study journalism?”

He shakes his head, sighing a little heavier.

"No, my..." I see that he bites his lips, is he hesitating? "My girlfriend studies journalism."

"Oh..." well, it's a way to find out that we're both caught and that I don't have to make mental scenes. I have too many The Vampire Diaries in my head. “And you study programming,” I point to the computer.

"If you say it because of how to use the computer, that's because I have known how to use it since I was a kid." I see how his eyes shine when he pronounces those words. It's almost as if he has transported him to another time.

I smile as I think it's adorable. If he don't study something he already know, it must be so he don't get bored in class. But if he have chosen something that has nothing to do with his specialty, that is either because he like to learn or because he have something else that he like. At least I think someone like him would choose something he likes so as not to spend years bored at university.

Hearing the notification sound from my phone, I raise my hand in apology for stopping the conversation.

A smile appears on my face.

---------------------------------------------------------

Klaus

Macie, this weekend there is a party at a friend's house, are you in? 😉

---------------------------------------------------------

I smile looking at the mobile screen. Klaus is a good boy and my first boyfriend. The truth is that he behaves well with me and has a fun side. Although maybe that's why I hang out with him, because my cousin chose him as a friend. So that means he's not a bad guy. Although it's not what I've been dreaming of for two years, but... It's nice to be with him. But we almost never get to see each other.

“It seems like you are better,” I hear the boy say and I look up from my phone.

“Oh, my boyfriend just sent me a message,” I respond with a happy tone. “We barely get to see each other because he lives a couple of hours away from the city, so it's nice when he remembers me for little things.”

“Oh, a long-distance relationship?” He raised an eyebrow at her question. Was the tone of annoyance?

“Yes, is there something wrong?”

He sigh and continue.

“Well, I do not think those kinds of relationships work.”

I let out a heavy air, along with a somewhat annoying laugh. What does this boy have to say about my life? I already found something wrong with him.

"Sorry, but a long-distance relationship is very romantic." I cross my arms, leaning back in the chair. “then the reunion is magical.” I don't even know why I get angry, if I only said that it is a few hours from the city, it's not like Klaus lives outside the country.

“Until one of the people in the couple doubts you or is constantly wanting to know who you are with,” I notice an annoyed tone. Is he saying it because of his girlfriend or because of a previous experience?

“Have you already been through that?” I ask without realizing that maybe I shouldn't have.

He shoots me a look, though it's not like he's angry. He seems rather tired.

“You really like to talk,” he sighs and returns to the computer.

"If you want, I'll start talking to the chair," I point my head at his seat and I see him smile as he shakes his head. "You're the only one in this room I can talk to."

I see the computer turn off and I open my eyes suddenly. He wasn't going to fix it?

I shout alerting him to what he's doing, thinking it's another prank by the college veterans. I'm sure he played it on me.

The boy looks at me and points at the screen, so that I can pay attention and stop screaming like a crazy woman —because I look like that— and I see that in reality... It restarts.

I let out a sigh, relieved.

“You could have warned me,” I hit him on the arm, angry.

“It was more fun to see your reaction,” I blush, embarrassed by his stupid smile now. Okay, he's good with computers, I admit it. “And yes.”

“Yes what?” I look at him confuse at his words.

"Yes, I have been through that," he shrugs, "or well... I am going through it."

I bite my lip, a little uncomfortable. Maybe we shouldn't have talked about it, but...

“Then she is not the right person if she doubts you,” I answer directly.

"Oh, it's not because she doubts, it's..." he looks concentrated at the screen, arms crossed. “Let me say it is because of her, she has been through terrible things and I am here to support her in whatever she needs.”

I do something that I haven't done in a long time: I analyze him. I try to guess his expression, what does he mean, is he really comfortable with that relationship? But... His words have been very tender. That girl is lucky to have a boyfriend like him, I hope she's not beating him up too much with her jealousy or whatever.

"Well, at least it's confirmed that you're trustworthy." I smile mischievously and he looks at me, raising an eyebrow, confused. “Your girlfriend can rest assured that you have not cheated on her.”

"Wait, all this time you thought I was trying to hit on you?" ‘Trying to hit on me'? Is that still said today?

I let out a small laugh at his words. He is cute.

"I do not know what kind of men you have encountered, but you have offended me, I have only come to fix the computer." I see him typing on the screen again, angry.

"Believe me, you've left me with a good impression, Mr. Computer technician." I lean on the table, smiling at him.

He looks at me surreptitiously and I see that... Is he blushing? I don't think he's used to compliments.

He finish typing and restart the computer. This time I stay quiet waiting while I bite my nails.

“You are going to get hurt,” I hear him tell me and I lower my hand slowly, embarrassed by my attitude. “Look, I already fix it.”

The computer turns on again, along with the files that were on the screen. I breathe a sigh of relief.

"I admit it, you're good," I smile, getting a little closer to him to see the screen better. “If I have a problem with my computer, can I call you?” I look at him and see that he has been looking at me “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I am fine,” he answers and gets up from the chair. I do the same and he takes out the flash drive, extending his hand to me, as if he were putting distance between the two of them. “Here, try not to get into a fight with the boy.”

“Oh, don't worry, I'm just going to hide his body in the next lake I find,” I reply seriously and he laughs.

“Do not be too hard on him,” he says with a serious look. ''You do not need to make an adult cry.''

“I like to be hard sometimes,” I smile evilly and he lets out another laugh at my comment, but his face turns a little red.

He extends his hand again and looks me in the eyes. I wonder what he must be thinking now.

I also extend my hand and he puts the flash drive in my hand. I try to calm down when I notice his hand, I don't want to think that he did it on purpose, but it was because of the speed of wanting to give it to me and that's why it touched me. I try to distract myself by keeping my eyes on the small object, looking away. I'm sure he can tell I'm red too. He must think I'm like a teenage watching her favorite actor.

I turn the small object in my hand. And I don't think I can erase my stupid smile. I’m happy to have seen him again. I thought I would never do it and I still don't know what his name is. Maybe I can ask him now what I couldn't do two years ago.

"Hey, what is your—" I look up and see that he's gone.

I turn around and see him walking out the door. Has he left without saying goodbye? But why is he so rude? Or... Maybe he didn't like me...

“Again, without knowing his name,” I whisper to myself, squeezing my hand tightly on the flash drive.

Lian walks through the door, with a smile.

“Who is the guy who just left here?!” She asks, approaching me, excited.

“Just someone who has helped me,” I grab my things and put my bag on my shoulder, while my jacket is in my hand.

“And he has a girlfriend? Boyfriend? Married?” I shake my head and she laughs. “At least he admits that he was prettier than Klaus.”

I kept thinking about the boy and his words towards his girlfriend. I found him two years later. But I want him to be happy. I won't get involved in his life, in fact, I'm glad he found someone and he cares about her.

"Hey Lian, shall we go to the cafeteria in the student area?" I ask to change the subject.

“Sure, I'd like to have a strong one.”

I set up the chairs and turn off the computer, feeling a little homesick at the moment.

In the end, I will keep this reunion and the first one deep in my heart. And the last thing I want to do is get into a relationship when I'm also dating someone.

I hope we are both happy with our respective partners, Mr. Computer technician.

Goodbye first and sad love

#duskwood #duskwood jake #duskwood mc #duskwood everbyte #duskwood jake x mc #duskwood game #everbyte game #everbyte studio #duskwood fandom #duskwood oneshot #duskwood fanfic #oneshot #fanfic

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acciocriativity · 2 years

Text

Worth the pain - Part of the Soulmate series

Pairing: soulmate! Harry Potter x soulmate! reader

Genre: hurt/comfort

Warnings: mentions of insecurities, a lot of physical pain and Cedric's death; Umbridge

WC: 4,3 k

Harry Potter Masterlist

Flower Shower - George Weasley - part of the Soulmate series

There was only a single thing Umbridge couldn't taint with her evil reign, and she did not appreciate that one bit.

Our class was full of students with brand-new soulmate marks, with a few yet to complete 15 years and get theirs. Of course, we couldn't talk about it during class as much as every other topic, but the glow, the giddiness, the small smile on the lucky one's face must have been too much for her. It was getting to much for me.

In the middle of our useless lesson, when everyone was quiet reading or pretending to do so, she suddenly stood up and cleared her throat.

"I see that some of you now have your soulmate mark, so I offer you a generous advice", she said with her forced happy smile.

Silence.

I bet not a single soul here believes she has something useful to say.

"I bet she doesn't even have one", I hear a small whisper behind me.

I straightened my back.

There were venom in those words, like she doesn't deserve a soulmate being the evil witch she truly is.

But then, why don't I have one?

I throw that thought under the others, much sadder ones. It was not place nor time for this.

"Something as useless as a soulmate mark should not get in the way of your studies. Your OWLS are coming, and I won't tolerate a poor performance in this class, is that understood?"

Again, silence.

"Good, you may keep with your reading", she said, and started to walk through our tables.

Right after Umbridge passed by my side, a note slid inside my unrolled parchment, and I knew it was from the girl, who was quietly working by my side.

This was one of the few classes I had with her, as a Ravenclaw. Still, we were on the same year, and we have known each other since the first DADA class.

As soon as we got out, she tapped my shoulder and waited by the corridor, where her other fellow Gryffindor friends were waiting.

"What was in the note?", I asked her.

"An invitation", a known voice spoke behind me.

"What kind of invitation?", I turned to speak to him, Harry Potter.

In all honesty, he wasn't as impressive as people made him to be all those years back. His presence wasn't particularly striking nor intimidating. What he did in those few years, that was quite impressive, yes.

As I looked at him at that moment, I concluded again that there was no way he was lying about Cedric. He carried that pain in his eyes, even when he was smiling, like now.

"The details are in there, but if you don't wish to participate, give it back to me at dinner", Hermione whispered to me.

Trouble.

When it wasn't with this trio? The interesting part however, it was the first time I was ever included, and it was intriguing to say the least.

They were unapproachable together, it was easy to just talk to Hermione or even Ron occasionally, but I've never seen Harry alone.

"Alright, I'm going to consider it", I said with a small smile and left them there.

A secret chamber and a secret reunion. I was curious, and I couldn't lie to myself, it was flattering to be included in their group.

Still, the amount of trouble this simple invitation could cause...

When dinner time came, and I didn't give it back, they knew my answer. So when I went to the 7th floor, Hermione was already waiting for me, alone, in the corridor.

"Sign your name here", she gave me a paper and a feather ready to be used.

We trained in pairs that night, one attacking and the other blocking. Sometimes I wasn't fast enough, still, when I laid in bed hours later, I barely felt my arms, legs and feet, the dull pain was numbing.

Did Umbridge do such a good job that I forgot how to make such simple spells? Am I that out of shape?

It was an odd kind of pain, sometimes it was too much I couldn't stand, other times, I could barely feel it, like it was about to disappear any moment.

It wasn't the first time I felt that way, but it was the first time it was that bad.

I thought it would be better soon, if I could just get a good night of sleep... Of course, I couldn't, for days I couldn't.

Is this some sort of sick prank?

I thought about it in the middle of the night. The answer was a headache. That specific spot on the right side of my temple kept me awake.

It reminded me of my birthday, only a few days ago. I also couldn't sleep that day, too excited to receive my soulmate mark. I didn't even notice the sunrise, wide awake and disappointed, because the only thing I received was a dull pain in my wrist.

The letter my mother sent was still between my books. She was so excited to hear about my soulmate mark and my thoughts of who it could be. I didn't dare to send an answer.

Suddenly the room was too heavy for me, too dark and too cold. I needed to get out of there, and so I did.

I tiptoed to the empty Common Room, and I felt like the statue of Rowena Ravenclaw was judging me from across the room. Yeah, she had it worse, didn't even meet her soulmate and her daughter was murdered, everyone knew that. Her story was what everyone wanted to avoid at all costs, and I was getting too close for comfort.

I eyed the main door for a moment. I already broke so many rules tonight, what was the problem in breaking one more just for today? As I saw Rowena's statue one more time, I made up my mind and quietly got out.

It was stupid to stay still in the corridor, but it was what I did for a bit.

Where could I go? The monitors could catch me anywhere, or the nosy paintings could snitch on me anytime.

I got chills as I walked carefully through the cold corridors. The windows were all open, and I was thankful to live so high up for the first time ever since I arrived at Hogwarts, because then I felt something else than self-pity and pure pain.

They warned me tonight, this room just ever appeared to one who truly needed it, and it wasn't wise to search for it, as it wouldn't be there anymore. It changed locations. Still, I couldn't go back to bed and endure the pain alone again. I couldn't. I needed some comfort for once, was that to much too ask?

As I turned left to reach the stairs, a strange woody door appeared in the wall and I held in a squeal. I looked around, my breath the only thing I could listen to. So I got in and the warmth made some tears appear in the corner of my eyes.

It was perfect inside.

The room wasn't big. There was a lit fireplace in the corner and two big red chairs in a safe distance from it. The rest of the room was heavily decorated with brown bookcases, a comfy cream carpet and many paintings in a gold frame. I looked through each of them. Some were families in a bunch of different places, others were mountains and other pretty landscapes, places I didn't even know existed. It was so perfect, it looked like real photographs.

This time, I didn't feel the need to hold in and cried, free and with no shame of myself. It was good, it felt relieving. I could express myself in there and no one would ever know. I didn't feel weak or less than, so I took my time.

It wasn't just the soulmate thing, it wasn't just the hell we had to deal with because of Umbridge, it wasn't just the potential threat of Voldemort, it wasn't just the loneliness. I was every single reason that I felt it was too little to cry about, and I held in, because that's what good kids do.

There wasn't a clock in there, nor a window. How does time even work in this place? I didn't know. I didn't know how much time I spent on the floor. But I got up. And I grabbed a book. And I read. Because that's the only thing that could distract me from the happy family on the walls.

Then, the door cracked open and my heart stopped.

This is it. I was caught. I'll be punished and then expelled and my pa-

There was nothing, like some sort of wind just opened the door. Then I saw the tip of a shoe. Then hands and then Harry.

I didn't say a thing, and neither did he. He looked at me as shocked as I looked at him.

Harry's the first one to move. He closed the door and cleaned his throat, an awkward chuckle leaving his lips.

"Do you mind if I stay? Also, can you not tell anyone about this?", he said in a low tone and raised that cape higher.

I nodded.

"Take a sit, maybe there was an extra chair for a reason", I whispered.

I regretted saying anything. If he didn't notice my puffy eyes, then he realized that I've been crying at that moment.

But he didn't comment anything on it and took up on the offer. As he walked closer, the room started to change slightly. The mainly red, cream and brown decoration faltered to a light blue on the walls and black wood instead of brown. I noticed some of the paintings also changed too.

"Did you know that this could happen?", I asked, still focused on the new paintings.

"No, I also didn't expect anyone else in here today", he whispered back, and I felt his eyes on me.

It took me a moment to understand. He could only get in if he's intentions matched mines, like the secret reunion. Only if he also needed some comfort and didn't have a place to go. He knew, and I knew we weren't okay.

"I'm sorry there's not a lot of entertainment for you, just books", I said with the page I was in still opened in my lap.

"This is enough, you can... keep reading, I wouldn't interrupt you", he said and gestured for me to keep going.

"Sure?"

He hummed.

I thought it would be so awkward. My first instinct in any situation like this would be just leave or make conversation. Still, I didn't do any of those, hoping to just focus on the book at hand. I also couldn't do that.

It was calming to be in this position, just beside him in silence, appreciating the feeling of comfort, as it wasn't easy to have it these days and for him, it must have been impossible since forever. It was almost comforting to know someone felt the same, even if the reasons were different, and not have to explain it.

I still tried to read, even though my mind was running with completely different thoughts.

"Thank you for inviting me", I took the courage to whisper to him.

My eyes were focused on the book, but I could see him finally move in his seat and look at me.

"It must have been a big risk to ask me, since I'm not really close to any of you", I kept going, since he didn't answer me.

I started to feel a bit nervous and self-conscious of my ridiculous pajamas as his eyes were focused on me.

"You were only one of the few who believed it", he said, and looked over to the fireplace again.

He didn't explain, and it wasn't needed.

"They believed, at least the majority of people I've seen, but they were too scared to admit that to themselves", I let it slip without thinking, and I caught his eyes again.

I've seen how much he suffered with this, and I've been meaning to say that for many months now, but never got the chance.

I saw a small smile on his lips. "Thanks, it's good to hear that I'm not the crazy one for once".

"But being honest, I don't understand how you are not crazy yet, I respect you for not going completely insane at this point", I said, and he chuckled.

I never felt that good in my life. It was the type of laughter that made his eyes so little it almost disappear, and I felt my heart melt at the sight.

He relaxed more after this, and we talked about more happy topics, and we laughed for I don't know how long. Time could stop and circle forever, but that wouldn't be possible.

But we had to leave when he suddenly remembered he had to go back, so he could wake up Ron, or he would be late for class. Not because he had to sleep, or he would be in trouble if he was the one late, no, because he had this habit of waking Ron up every day.

"That's sweet, you are very sweet Harry", I said and he was clearly caught off guard.

He looked down to the cape and maybe was the fire, but I saw a tint of red on his cheeks.

"I can drop you off if you want", he said when he was already by the door, cape on his shoulder.

I couldn't stop staring at his half invisible body. I didn't comment anything before, but it was so intriguing how that was even possible or how he had it in the first place.

"I don't want to bother", I said and smiled.

It's quite crazy how we went from acquaintances that would only nod to each other to friends that would stop to talk. Some hours and a hard situation really brings people together.

"You wouldn't, I promise", he said, and gave one side of the cape to me.

It was nerve racking to walk so slow and quiet to make sure we wouldn't be caught. Or maybe it was the fact he was so close to me all of a sudden. Or the little whispers he would say from time to time close to my ear. Whatever it was, I was glad it ended, because I couldn't take it anymore.

He left me in front of the door, waved and left, as promised. So why the fuck did I get so sad?

I felt heartbroken as I went to my room, like that comfort was ripped away, even though I was fine when we left. I wasn't the type to dwell on negative feelings, still, I couldn't just let it go. It was like a piece of my heart stayed behind with him.

This is because you didn't find your soulmate yet. This is just loneliness. This is going to pass.

It was what I repeated myself to sleep that night.

First thing in the morning, I wake up feeling hands shaking me.

"Oh my, are you okay? You scared me", a voice said beside me, and I struggled to open my eyes.

"Wha-"

"You started to scream out of nowhere", my roommate huffed and took a step back, helping me get up. "I didn't know you had nightmares."

"I don't, I don't eve-"

I stopped myself. The sunlight was intense through the curtains, which meant...

"What time is it?", I got up, and it took me some seconds to realize I didn't feel any pain, like the other times too.

She was already dressed up, I noticed next. The other girls were already out as I took in my surroundings.

The lack of sleep was affecting me more than I thought.

I didn't wait for an answer and ran to get my uniform and straight to the bathroom.

I spent the whole day waiting for the pain to return, and then the next one, and the one after that. It was unsettling. I knew it was bound to happen again at some point. I barely enjoyed the changes in my new-made friendships, since I now became a bit closer to Hermione and Ron too, as we spent more time talking in-between classes.

But besides that, I still had those weird intense emotions to figure it out. For everytime I felt heartbroken when Harry was away from me, I felt complete when he was near.

But why? Why now? Why suddenly?

Like now, he wasn't in the Gryffindor Common Room and I felt scared, lonely and... defeated?

"Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?", Hermione's voice brought me back to reality.

She held my arm with care and pulled me away to an emptier and quieter part of the Common Room.

"I do not want to be indelicate, but you're the only one I'm yet to ask, and you do n—"

"You can just ask, I won't take offend, Hermione", I whispered, but it was enough to cut her rambling.

She took a deep breath and leaned in.

"Have you had a different experience with your soulmate mark, like, something uncommon or unheard of?", she analyzed my face while speaking.

"Did you?"

I was hopeful, I couldn't deny it.

Maybe it was that I didn't have a soulmate then, maybe it was an error? Errors can happen, right?

"A friend of mine, the soulmate mark didn't appear, but I can't find anything in any book about it", she leaned back and huffed. "You know, everyone has one, even if a soulmate dies before the other, it appears, so it has to be-"

She was talking to herself more than talking to me at this point. It could almost see her brain working overtime.

"So, what happened to your soulmate mark?", she changed the topic so fast it caught me off guard.

"I don't have one, apparently, the only thing I earned after my birthday was pain."

"What do you mean, pain? Like back pain? Haven't you went to see Mrs. Pomfrey? She'd know how to help you", she patted my arm. "Let's go, I want to see you beat Ron on Wizard Chess."

"I'm not that sure anymore, it's going to be a hard game", I said as we walked back to the sofas.

"It's nice to see that my fame speaks for itself, but I wish you the best of luck", Ron said to me as the board was set.

"It's too early to brag, the results may be surprising", I said as I smiled after taking my seat.

I was indeed a hard game since the start. I lost track of my surroundings a good while ago, the only thing in my head was the next 5 moves Ron could possibly be planning.

Then it hit me. The burning pain on my wrist.

I took a deep breath to conceal the screaming I almost let out. I felt tears flooding my eyes.

"Hey, what happened? I know it is a har—"

"Shut it, Ron."

I heard them, but I couldn't move. My back straight and my head low. I clenched my hands, both hands.

"Hey, is this the pain you talked about?", Hermione kneeled in front of me, her hands on my knees. "Come on, help me carry her to the Hospital Wing."

I couldn't focus on what was going on. It was different this time, it was so much more intense, and I was sure it had to be on my skin this time. It wasn't just a ghost pain anymore.

They helped me stand up, and then it was too much. My legs couldn't hold me up and my eyes were too heavy.

I heard them before I could see them.

"... her?", it was Ron's voice.

"We'll wait for you in the Common Room", Hermione said, and I heard their steps walk away.

The door closed.

I opened my eyes and blinked twice, slowly. The curtains were around the bed, and it was too dark to see anything.

Then I heard his steps closer, it had to be him. My heart pick up the pace, it was a common thing these past few days.

I saw the light on the tip of his wand first and his face later. I expected at least a smile, but his expression was so stoic.

"What's wrong?", I whispered, my throat too dry to speak louder. "What happened?"

I tried to find his eyes, but he wasn't looking at me, so I got up with some effort and gave him some space to seat on the bed with me, but he kept standing by the side of the bed.

"Harry, what wa-"

"I'm sorry", he cut me off.

He took my hand and lift my sleeve, I couldn't see it clearly, but there was a fading scar there. Still, that was the last thing on my mind when his hand was touching me so tenderly.

He caressed the fading scar, his touch light on my skin, as if he was scared to hurt me.

"It doesn't hurt."

It was true. I only felt tingles on my wrist, the pain has been washed away somehow, like it always does.

"They said you fainted."

"It's not you-"

"It is, it's my fault", he released my hand and lift his own sleeve.

The letters were hard to read for me at that moment, but it was clear what it was and, specially, who had caused it.

My heart dropped. It was pretty bad, no, it was worse than that. There was a bit of dry blood on some of the letters.

"Still stings too much?", I held his hand without thinking twice, but I didn't dare to touch it.

"Hermione made me have a healing potion this time", I heard a smile while he spoke, but I didn't look it up to him.

"Have you heard of a connection like this before?", I held his hand tighter.

I wouldn't dare to call a soulmate mark or something like that yet, nonetheless, if it was one, what a fucking cruel soulmate mark to have.

"Hermione found some information about it, but we didn't think it was the case, because you never made me feel pain", he said, and his hands were loose around mine, but he didn't try to let go yet.

"I know what are you thinking, Harry. It's not your fault that's our soulmate mark and I don't blame you"

He said nothing.

I knew it wasn't enough for him to change his mind and he would keep blaming himself the rest of the night at best. But not on my watch.

I held him in my arms. My head against his chest and arms around his waist. He stood still for a while, his breathing uneven, until he was hugging me back.

It wasn't the ideal position, but it was perfect at the moment, and we stayed like that for a good while.

I thought the Room of Requirement was comforting, and it was because it reminded me of him, without me even realizing that. I felt like I arrived at a home I've never known. He fit right, like he was supposed to be in this position, with me, right now.

The door suddenly cracked open. The light revealing Mrs. Pomfrey. He moved away from me and I caught a glimpse of red on his cheeks.

"Potter, go to your Common Room", she said, and her firm voice echoed through the empty walls.

"Meet me later at the Gryffindor Common Room, please?", he whispered, his eyes were shining and I could never say no.

I nodded, and he left, fast enough to not get scolded even more.

"Mrs. Pomfrey, may I ask a question?", I asked as she came to evaluate me.

"What is it, child?"

"What do you know about felling pain as a soulmate mark? Someone must have been through it before."

"Someone did, a student. It was painful for her, a Quidditch player was her soulmate, poor girl was always here with him, side by side", she looked over at some beds to the right, as if she could envision them there.

I took a deep breath.

So I have the chosen one, the trouble magnet one and the Quidditch player as my soulmate, all at once.

"But that's a common misconception", she said, and that caught my attention again. "Can you turn your wrist?", she kept going with the little evaluation, and I only nodded. "She didn't feel only pain, but every single emotion her soulmate also felt after finding him."

"Every emotion? But I've never..."

"You are alright, go to your room and rest for the rest of the night", she cut me off, and I left as soon as possible.

I couldn't possibly feel everything, could I? So how do I now if it's my emotion or his?

I started to get anxious as I got closer and closer to the Gryffindor Common Room.

So that's me or him? Why would he be anxious to see me?

As soon as I got to the corridor, I felt a big rush of excitement, anxiety and... worry? But I wasn't worried, no. I just wanted to go up there and hug Harry until he barely could breathe.

So that's it? That's how it feels?

I remember how sometimes my emotions got out of hand these past few days. I was so worried, so confused, which I was, but maybe, we both were.

Does he know how much I care about him then?

As I was about to give the new passcode to the Fat Lady, the door opened and a second later, two arms held me in a big hug.

"I couldn't wait", he whispered, and I got goosebumps.

"Do you feel my love for you?", I whispered back, my face hidden on his shoulder.

He's silent for a moment, and I'm not sure if he even heard it.

"It's the best feeling in the world", his arms held me tighter, and I could feel some tears dropping on my clothes.

"Every single time in pain was worth it because now I get to hold you, don't blame yourself, never, understand? ", I said, and pecked his left cheek.

I didn't comment on my wet shirt, nor on his teary eyes after he released me. The only thing that mattered for me that night and for the rest of them, was to remind Harry Potter he was worthy.

#harry potter fanfiction #harry potter x reader #harry potter headcanon #harry potter fanfic #harry potter masterlist #hp fanfic #harry james potter

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thedevillionaire · 3 months

Note

Cheating a little bit on the director’s cut asks (only if you’re not oversaturated with those!), but you’ve referenced the longevity of your recurring universe a few times and I am SO curious to know if you remember what the first fully-formed story that came out of it was (whether it was ever written down or not). AND if your main characters have changed in any significant way(s) since then!

Hello, and thank you so much for the ask! In terms of written-down stories, I absolutely remember, and in fact still have a copy of it. It's called And She Danced, and it's kind of a character study? Sort of? About a Demon character of mine - long gone, never major - who could see others' darkest fears and/or deepest secrets, and kind of fed off...psychologically manipulating them into a state of terror, I guess. She called it 'dancing'. (Not actually dancing. Entirely psychological.) It doesn't feature any of my main-these-days characters, and isn't openly an Underworld piece, as I wrote it for my English/creative writing class at the time, which is why I still have it. But technically, that's the first Crimson Charisma story I ever wrote. I also have a lyric about the same thing/character/situation, and I like that a lot better than the story. I was 16 when I wrote the story, I think, or thereabouts, and...well, it kinda shows lol:

(A sample is plenty of that now! haha) Otherwise, for a long time, the Underworld and its residents existed as my bedtime story to myself, as it were - the soap opera I'd play in my head nightly before falling asleep. I called it Nightgames at first. I've actually always kind of done this, with various characters and indulgent soap-operatic happenings. Since childhood. (My first next-door universe of this kind was called Catland. It featured cat people. I set it in Russia because that was so far away and foreign to me, and also huge, so maybe there could be a part of it populated by cat people, right? lol) Anyway, so I had an ongoing running story, of a sort, but I didn't write any parts of it down as recognisably "itself" for ages. Not in full, anyway. I do have a notebook with all sorts of character lists and lore and "plot points" from Back In The Day, but no full stories from the first...year or even more, I think. My first "primary main" OC, Echo, still exists to this day, though he's a lot less prominent than he used to be. Lilith and Aera were both OG characters, and they've had excellent staying power. Aera's story is a complex one that definitely got developed over time, but I had Lilith pretty right from the get-go. She's fairly straightforward in a lot of ways, lol. Cerberus is not quite an OG, as such, although he's certainly been around for a damn while now. He is what I term "first generation", although I had about 30? 40? characters by the time he showed up, about six months in, intended as a one-off plot device. GOOD JOB, ME. (He did actually fulfil that purpose, but then just...didn't fuck off. Thought he'd take over the whole damn place instead. 🤣🤣)

Anyhow, he's changed in many ways, and Kia in particular changed him in a way I didn't even think was possible, but his core essence has remained pretty constant. He knew his deal right from the start, he's always been more than a bit insistent about it, and I, as ever, have no control.

#thank you SO much!#tripping out and down memory lane here #i thought i had the handwritten version of And She Danced actually #but i only found the typed version #foxing and all. underworldian fossil lol #(how dare it look that ancient. i'm old but not goddamn National Trust old ffs 😅)

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bteezxyewriter12 · 2 years

Text

Spin/ 2

Pairing- Yunho x Named Reader

Word count- 4.5k

Includes- Angst, pining, wall sex, Blow job, deepthroating, cum eating, cock riding, squirting, multiple orgasms, fluff

Tag List- @mingtina @jaxxmine @delightfulmoonbanana

@tannie13 @yeosxxx @seokwoosmole

@jjongsbebe @wisejudgedragonhairdo

@meowmeowminnie @woo-stars @yeosayang @iitaetaeiisstuff @atiny68 @itstyraaxx

@borntowalkaway

Masterlists- check out for more fics

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📝Yunho Masterlist

Part 1

2 weeks later

Yunho POV

"Can we hang out today?", I text her, anxiously waiting for her answer

I think she's avoiding me

Ever since I saw her run away from outside of my apartment building, she's been giving me excuse after excuse for not hanging out with me

I saw her cross the street when I was down the block with Mina

And I saw her crying

Which scared the fuck out of me because she never cries

And I mean never

Not even when she broke her arm or had to get stitches when we were younger

I immediately texted her once I was in my room, asking if she was ok

She said yes and that was it

Any question I asked she ignored

Like why was she at my apartment and if she needed anything

I didn't get an answer for that

She didn't pick up when I called

Didn't answer her door when I went to check on her

Although to be fair I didn't know if she was there to answer the door

She could have been in class or at work

I just need to talk to her

Maybe tell her about these feelings for her that suddenly developed, won't go away and are driving me nuts

I honestly never thought of her as anything but my best friend

We grew up together

I helped her get guys, she gave me advice on how to get girls

Which hasn't worked for me so much but that's because I'm so fucking awkward

She's been there my whole life, I tell her everything, she knows all my secrets

But that kiss

That kiss from that stupid spin the bottle game

That one kiss changed my whole view of her and our relationship

I had no idea she could kiss like that

It just took over my whole being and I loved it more than I should

When she kissed San, the intense jealousy I felt surprised the shit out of me

I wanted to rip her away from him and keep her with me

When Mina landed on me I did not want to kiss her

I didn't want to make her feel bad so I smiled but her kiss was nothing like Joanne's

It didn't make me feel anything close to how I felt when I kissed my best friend

And when I saw her get up and run out of the room, I pushed Mina off and ran after her

Being with her was everything I didn't know I needed

Didn't know I wanted

And I found out just how amazing sex can really be

Or the feeling of her in my arms

How she fit absolutely perfectly like I was meant to hold her

Like she was meant to be there

Walking up next to her cuddled into me was heaven

And I find that I replay it over in my head

Laying with her, playing with her hair, her head on my shoulder, her face in my neck

Her arms around me

And her kiss

Shit I think I could kiss her forever

Yeah I definitely need to talk to her

My phone dings and I move my fingers so fast that I mess up my code to unlock my phone twice

My heart falls as I read, "I don't think I can today"

Another excuse

But instead of saying ok, this time I want to try harder to see her

"Please? I haven't seen you in awhile and I miss you"

"I have stuff to do at my apartment. It's a mess and I have to clean it"

I don't know why she's saying that because she knows I'll come help her

I've done it before

"I'll come and help"

"I have to study"

Ok, I've helped her do that too so that's not an excuse

"Just for a little bit?", I ask, desperate now

"I dunno Yunnie"

"Please", I beg

It's a full minute before she answers

"Yeah fine. For a little bit"

I breathe out in relief, "Great. On my way"

Jumping up from my bed, I grab my hoodie and practically run out of my room

--------------------------

"Hi Jo", I say shyly, walking into her apartment and closing the door behind me

"Hi Yunnie"

I haven't seen her in two weeks and I'm just taking her in

She's fucking beautiful

How did I not notice until now?

We stand facing each other like idiots and I can't take it

Slowly, I move my hand, taking hers, lacing our fingers

Her eyes widen at our hands, then look up at me

Stepping closer to her, I lean down, my lips almost on hers

She backs away before I can kiss her and my heart shatters

I guess she doesn't feel anything for me

"Aren't you with Mina?", she asks, shocking me

That's why she stopped me from kissing her

"Uh no", I shake my head

She looks at me annoyed, "Don't lie to me Yunho. I saw her go into your building with you"

"Yeah but she wasn't there for me"

"Yeah ok", she snorts

"She wasn't", I argue, "She was there for San. They're dating Jo"

She raises her eyebrow, "Since when?"

"Since she kissed him after playing spin the bottle"

"I thought she was kissing Seonghwa when you left?"

I shrug, "Apparently after the game ended, she and San kissed and hooked up. He really likes her so he asked her out and they're a couple. She's at my apartment all the time, always in San's room"

They never come out and her moaning is driving me so crazy that I bought noise cancelling headphones

"Oh", is all she says

"Is that why you left? Because Mina was with me?", I ask

She looks down at her floor, "Well yeah. I didn't want to make it awkward. I thought you and her were finally together and I didn't wanna like kill the vibe or anything. You liked her for so long"

That doesn't explain why she was crying but I doubt I'll ever get her to answer that so I just let that go

"Uh no Jo. I haven't liked her for awhile. She's....she's not my type"

She's not you is what I want to say but don't

"Oh", she says, her cheeks pink

"Jo", I call, her eyes moving to mine

Tucking some loose hair behind her ear, I bend down again hoping I don't get rejected again now that that's cleared up

She doesn't back away and I finally feel her lips against mine again

And it's like a dam breaks

Her arms fly around my neck, as I pull her right against me, bending down to pick her up

Her legs move around my waist, the

searing kiss intensifying when my tongue moves against hers

I turn, pressing her against the wall so I don't fall back and hurt us like the idiot I am

I can't help but squeeze her perfect ass, pressing my hard on between her pretty legs

God I want her so badly

"Jo", I breathe between kisses, "Please"

"Just one more time", she says, kissing me desperately, her hands undoing my jeans

Fuck yes

I nod, moving my hand to her pj shorts

Grabbing one side, I pull hard, ripping it off one of her legs, letting the other side dangle on her other

I just need access to her pretty pussy

I'll worry about fucking up her clothes later

My jeans and boxers drop to my ankles, her hand in between us, touching my hard cock

"Ffff...fuck", I gasp

I need to be in now

"Hold onto me jagi", I whisper

She does and I let go of her, keeping her up with my body pressed to hers as I tear apart the panties she has on, the sound of fabric ripping so fucking satisfying

Tossing the remains of her panties to the floor, I put my hands back on her ass to hold her and press my dick against her pussy

My dick slides in between her pussy lips, juice all over me

"So wet already", I whisper in her ear

"Yeah cuz it's your dick Yunnie. You make me this wet"

A whimper leaves my mouth hearing her, hoping she's not just saying this in the moment

Grinding against her, her pussy leaks all over me, drenching every inch of my length

"Please no teasing Yunnie. I fucking need you now", she moans, "I can't stop thinking about you. I want you inside me so bad"

Jesus Christ, this is everything I wanted to hear

Sexually I mean

"Fuck jagi, you don't know how much I wanted to be back inside you. Feel you"

"Then please Yunnie"

I grip my dick and move it to her tiny hole, so excited to feel her again

Sinking into her, her cunt sucks me in, both of us moaning so loudly

"Yunnie, fuck Yunnie, all of you baby"

"I will baby. You'll get all of me I promise", I assure her

I stretch her cunt around me, bottoming out and shivering against her as I feel her pussy pulse around me

"Yunho oh god, baby, you feel so good. Fuck so good", she praises

"You feel good baby girl. God I'm so happy to be back inside you", I whisper

"I'm happy you're back too Yunnie"

She looks at me, touching my cheek softly, "Kiss me Yunnie and don't stop"

I fucking won't

Crashing my lips to hers, I kiss her deeply, my whole world completely shifting under me

God it feels so right kissing her

Like I was always meant to

Like I was always meant to be with her

I didn't notice her like that but now I do

And I want her so bad

Holding her up, I pull back, feeling her cunt trying to suck me back in

Thrusting into her, I hit so deep, she yells in my mouth

I swallow her yell, kissing her passionately, our tongues playing with each other's

I never want to fucking stop kissing her

I thrust hard and fast, plunging deeply and hitting her spot, her body shaking against mine

Her fingers thread into the back of my hair, holding tightly

Hiking her higher up, her legs tighten around me as I move my lips from hers to her neck

I press kiss after kiss to her skin, licking and sucking, wanting to leave a hickey on her

"Can I?", I ask her

"Yes Yunnie"

I immediately suck on her skin harder, determined to leave my marks all over her

Fucking her against the wall, she clings into me, her head against the wall, moaning so loudly and turning me on even fucking more

Pulling away from her neck, I lick the dark purple mark I left, then move to another spot to leave another

Shoving my cock inside her, I grind against her, rubbing my head on her spot, squeezing her ass

"Oh god Yunho, oh god", she groans, her pussy tightening on me so hard

I leave a trail of hickies down her neck to her chest

Pulling down her tank top, I pop her boob out, wrapping my mouth around her nipple

I start sucking softly, increasing my speed with each move of my mouth

"Yunho oh fuck", she cries , her hand in my hair as she creams my cock

I close my eyes against the massive pleasure I'm getting from her orgasm

She keeps screaming my name, her orgasms going on and on, throbbing around me so fucking hard

When she finishes, I move off her nipple, then kick my shoes and bottom clothes off, pulling her off the wall and heading to her room

"Bed now", I tell her and she nods

Getting into her room, I drop her on her bed and immediately taking the rest of her torn shorts off

Then I grab the top of tank top and rip it down the middle, her naked body exposed to me

And fuck, I drink her in, amazed again at how perfect she is

I almost passed out when I first saw her, laying naked on my bed

Placing my hands on her hips, I slowly move them up, feeling her soft smooth skin

I absolutely love touching her

"You're so perfect", I whisper

I raise my eyes to hers to find her already looking at me with a look I can't place

She sits up, pushing me back, standing up off the bed

She stands on her toes and I bend down to meet her in a kiss

I feel her hands move under my shirt, her small hands touching my back as she lifts my shirt up

We break away from the kiss so she can pull my shirt off, throwing it behind her

She moves her hands onto my stomach, slowly sliding up, touching me softly

Her fingers leave fire on every inch of my skin as she touches me, my skin actually trembling

There's so many things about being with her that I've never felt with anyone else

The way my body reacts to her in a way it never has with any other girl

And I like it

I like feeling this way with just her

Yeah I got it bad for her

Suddenly her hands leave my body and I immediately look down at her

I watch her kneel down, her eyes on mine and I swallow hard

"Jagi-"

"Shhh baby", she says, "I'm gonna blow you baby, then I'm gonna ride you so fucking good, you'll never forget it"

Fuck

I'll never forget any time with her

Not the first time, not this time

But I am excited for her to ride me, watch her move

I'm thrown back to the present when I feel her tongue lick along my shaft

My eyes focus on her, pleasure running along my spine

Her tongue moves to my head, licking my cum that's leaking

"Mmm good", she says, smirking, making my breath hitch

I watch her mouth go around my head, soft sucking sensations throwing my body into pleasure

Her tongue circles my head before sucking, then licking my slit for my cum

"God Jo, fuck. So good"

Her tongue moves to the underside of my head, licking as she sucks and the extra stimulation from her tongue is fucking amazing

Her head moves down my length more, sucking harder, her hand wrapping around the rest of my shaft, jerking me off fast

"Oh god", I moan, "Don't stop baby"

She looks up at me and god fucking damn, she looks so fucking hot with my cock down her throat

She moves her hand off me and my mouth drops as she moves down further, taking my whole cock in her mouth

Like seriously my whole dick and she's not even choking

Not even a gag

Nothing

Her tongue moves to the underside of my cock then she moves half down my length then slides back up, taking me all in

I feel my head move into her tight throat and I gasp from the incredible feeling

She moves faster, spit falling from her mouth and I can see my cock bulge in her throat

Oh fucking god

So hot

She keeps up the pace, now moving all the way down to my head, then sliding all the way up, taking me in deep

Like she takes me in her cunt

She's so fucking good at blow jobs, holy crap, I had no idea

I move my hand in her hair, wrapping the strands around my hand holding on as I get closer and closer to coming

"Please baby, faster. I'm gonna cum", I whine

Somehow she sucks my dick faster, fucking her throat on my length and I have to cum

I pull her on my cock, holding her on it as I cum down her throat, bliss taking over

She swallows over and over and that tightening of her throat sends extra shocks of pleasure through my body

"Joanne, fuck baby"

When I finish she sucks a few more times before moving off me

"Goddamn Yunho, your cum is the fucking best I've ever tasted. What the fuck?"

Yeah I don't know what the fuck but holy shit she really said that

"Are you being serious?"

"Yes baby. I never lied to you"

She stands up, taking my hand and pulling me to her bed

She lays on her bed, pulling me down with her

Leaning on my arm, I look down at her, moving her hair behind her ear

One of her arms moves around my neck, softly pulling me down, her soft beautiful lips against mine

"Fuck Yunnie, I don't want to stop kissing you", she says softly

"Then don't baby", I tell her, kissing her again

She pulls me right up against her, her skin against mine, kissing me wildly

I can't get enough of her kisses, I can't get enough of her lips against mine, her tongue against mine, her arms around my neck

Her hands move in my hair, holding on tightly, my arm moving around her waist, holding her tightly

Her legs open and I move between them, kissing her desperately because I don't know if I'll ever be able to kiss her again after today

She lifts her hips, rubbing against me

I move with her, my dick getting hard again

Christ I usually need like ten minutes before I can get hard again but it's happening so quick with her

She softly pushes me, sitting up while she gets me on my back

She swings her leg over my body, straddling me and fuck me I just got harder knowing what's coming

"Can I sit on your cock Yunnie?", she asks

"Yes jagi fuck", I say, holding my cock up for her, "Sit baby. Please"

She smiles brightly, taking my breath away

She's so fucking beautiful, how did I not see it before that kiss?

God, I was so blind

She lowers herself on me and I watch in amazement as her cunt takes me inside, her tiny slit opening wider and wider the more she goes down, her cream running down my length that's not inside her

Her moans are so loud, driving me fucking crazy

She keeps moving until she's sitting flush against me, my entire shaft buried in her, her pussy latching on to my cock, pulsing hard and fast

"Yunnie", she moans, her head tilting back, her eyes closed

Fuck me she's absolutely stunning

She looks so fucking good on my cock

I've been ridden before but none of the girls look as gorgeous as her

She leans back, one hand on my leg and she starts moving

Slowly sliding up, leaving a huge mess on my cock, then slipping back down, bottoming me out

Up and down, up and down, her tight cunt impaling on me, her hips slightly getting faster with every move

It feels fucking intense and so fucking good

"Baby", I whisper, touching her hips and dragging my hands up her body, feeling her skin tremble against my fingertips

Fuck, I like that a lot

I end up wrapping my hand around her jiggling boobs, squeezing softly as she bounces on me

I'm fucking mesmerized by the way she moves on me

She takes me deep, yelling in pleasure when my head brushes against her spot

"Yeah baby, right there", I urge her

She switches from bouncing to rocking on me, her hips circling as she grinds on my head

"Yunnie...fuck Yunnie"

She's so fucking tight and I'm so fucking excited to feel her cum again

I've never felt anything like it and there's nothing like that pleasure

"Cum for me" I ask her, my mouth dropping as she orgasms

Out of this world pleasure hits me hard, her screams of my name filling my ears, the sight of her coming on me, me, burned in my memory

So fucking ethereal

"More please", I beg when her orgasm tapers off, "Please jagi, I wanna feel it again"

God I'm like a junkie for her orgasms but I couldn't give a shit

I wouldn't have it any other way

She leans forward, her hands on my shoulders as she rides me so fucking hard

"Yunnie, fuck baby. You're cock is the best", she whines

I can't answer, the bliss turning my brain off

All I can do is feel and watch her

Watch the sweat roll down her body, her eyes that are on mine, the small smile on her face

I grip her hips hard, holding on for dear life as she slams her cunt up and down my shaft, right into her spot

"Yunnie...I think....I think I'm....", she trails off, her words turning into pleasurable moans

I feel my whole pelvis get soaked and I immediately move my eyes down, watching her cunt squirt all over me

She stopped moving, but I grip her hips and continue to move her on me, watching her squirt flying everywhere

I fucking love when she squirts

She said she's never done it before

Only with me

She likes being with me that much, likes my dick that much that she squirts all over me

Not gonna lie, it makes me feel really good and really special

I might feel dumb for feeling that but I do

Right after she finishes, she takes over bouncing right away, begging me, "Please cum in my pussy Yunnie. Please, I want your cum deep inside me"

"Fffff.....fuck", I moan, her tightening cunt bring me closer, "Faster baby"

I don't know how she does it but she rides me faster, her hands digging into my shoulders

The pain feels so fucking good, mixed with the pleasure

"I want you to cum with me", I tell her

I can't think of anything better

Her coming pussy sucking all the cum from me

That thought makes me go feral and I start fucking up into her, meeting her as she slams down on me, her cunt holding my cock in a vice grip

"Cum with me baby. Fuck now", I yell, losing it, stars blasting in my vision as complete ecstacy takes over

We orgasm together, her cunt throbbing amazingly as I fill her, both of us screaming each other's names

"Oh my god Yunnie", she whimpers, as we finish, her forehead leaning against mine

Oh my god is right

That was....I can't even describe how fucking....good is not enough to describe it

It just was....wow

Lifting my head up, I press my lips to hers, wanting to kiss her forever

She responds, kissing me slowly and gently

After, she moves next to me, laying her head on my shoulder and cuddling into me

And I immediately take it, turning my body to her, holding her in my arms

She fits perfectly

I have to say something

I can't stand her not being mine for another second

This can't be the last time I'm with her

It can't be

"Can I ask you something?", I ask her, running my fingers in her hair, trying to calm my nerves

"Yeah Yunnie. Always"

I take a deep breath and go for it

"I want to be with you for real", I say softly, "I just...I don't know, ever since we kissed during that dumb game, I can't stop thinking about you"

She's silent, her eyes on me and I'm getting more nervous

"I don't want this to be just sex. I want to be with you. Go on dates with you. Do all the stupid cheesy things that couple do. I....I have feelings for you. Real feelings. I want you to be my girlfriend"

There

I said it

Hopefully she doesn't laugh in my face

But who am I kidding?

I'm nothing like her type

The bad boys she usually goes for

She touches my cheek softly, my eyes moving back to hers

"I think that's a great idea Yunnie"

"You do?", I ask completely shocked

"Yeah. It's perfect since I have real feelings for you too"

"You do?", I repeat, stunned

"Yeah baby", she smiles, "Fuck Yunho, that kiss from that stupid game, fuck I never felt that way from a kiss before"

"Me neither. I didn't know what was happening or why I was feeling that way but all I knew was I didn't want to stop kissing you. I also lost it when you kissed San"

"His kiss meant nothing Yunnie. Not after yours. I wanted you to be kissing me. Not him"

I nod

I know what she means

"I felt the same jagi. Mina's kiss meant nothing and all I wanted was you"

She bites her lips, looking at me, "Promise?"

"Absolutely jagi. Fuck I just wished it was you kissing me again. Your arms around me, you sitting on me. I swear Jo, I never saw you like that and I was so stupid. It was like that kiss opened my eyes"

She nods, softly stroking my cheek, "I know what you mean. I felt the same way"

"Is that why you ran to the bathroom? And why you were crying outside my apartment?", I ask, realizing that maybe the reason

"Yeah. When she kissed you...you're tongue in her mouth, I just couldn't watch. I had no idea why it was bothering me so much but it was"

I nod, understanding, "I almost ripped you off of San when you kissed him, so I know what you felt jagi"

I was so fucking enraged and it took everything in me to stay in my spot

"And outside my apartment?", I ask

"I was there waiting for you to talk about us sleeping together. To see how you felt and maybe tell you how I felt about you. But when I saw you with Mina, I thought..."

I know what she thought but that was so far from the truth

After that first kiss, Mina left my mind permanently

"I'm sorry baby", I start

"No I'm sorry for running away like a coward"

"You're not jagi. I understand why you thought what you did", I answer, "But actually while I was walking with her I was talking about you"

"You were?", she asks

I nod, "I was asking her how I should tell you how I feel. She's a girl and I thought she'd maybe have some insight on how a girl would want to be told someone has feelings for them"

"And?", she prompts curiously

"She said to just tell you. Be straightforward and tell you exactly what I felt and what I wanted. She said girls like it when a guy is direct"

"She gave you good advice baby. She's right"

Well thank god for that

"Now that we're together, you know you're gonna have to kiss me all the time right?", she asks, making me smile, "I seriously can't get enough of your kisses"

I laugh, "That's not a problem baby cuz I love your kisses too"

"Good", she beams, "You can start right now"

Smiling, I press my lips to hers in another world altering kiss

#yunho fanfiction #yunho fic #jeong yunho fanfic #yunho smut #jeong yunho fic #yunho fanfic #jeong yunho smut #ateez yunho smut #ateez fanfic #ateez fic #ateez fanfiction #ateez smut

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annes-room · 13 hours

Text

Why did you decide to study this [degree/topic/language etc]? Do you regret your decision? Do you have any pictures from when you started your learning journey?✨

I guess I've never really shared my full study journey on here, so here goes! :)

I actually started out wanted to go into acting! I still love it a lot, I did a lot in high school and I was part of a few local theatre things that I still hold very dear to me. I did go to film school for acting a few years ago now and it was one of the most amazing times of my life. I was living away from home for the first time, in a different province, and the people in my class were literally from all over the world 🌎 I still follow them on other socials and it's phenomenal to see what they've all been up to since then <3

I moved back home after film school with the intention of saving up to move to Vancouver permanently to pursue my acting career but the Covid pandemic hit literally a week after I got a job 🙃 over the course of a month I watched all of my acting/entertainment friends be out of a job and theatres shut down all over the world. it hit me in a way I hadn't expected and I reflected on how much stability I wanted in my career. acting is already a very fickle industry. you're never guaranteed anything and it can be so much work to get even the smallest jobs. I realized I needed more stability than that in the face of a global pandemic. I was mulling over my options when NASA launched their Mars Perseverance rover.

I woke up at 5 am to watch the live stream of the launch and I felt a draw to it like I was a kid. space and its exploration have always been fascinating to me, so I began looking into it more. astrobiology was a very up and coming field and I wanted to be part of it so I applied to an astrophysics program (the closest I could get) at the university in my city and got in! 📚

I stayed in that program for a year and in the fall semester of my second year I realized I wasn't having fun with the physics. I didn't understand a lot of it and even though I still passed the courses, I didn't feel like I was learning anything and it wasn't exactly what I wanted to do. the one part I did love was the data analysis we had to do in our physics labs and I enjoyed the one compsci course I had taken as an options class. so I switched programs and am now working towards a BSc majoring in stats and minoring in computer science! 💻📖

university has always been an investment for me. no matter what path I take, I know the work will be worth it for me to have a higher quality of life after I graduate. data analysts are needed for everything so I don't doubt I'll be able to find a decent job after graduating. I'm currently in year 4/5. programs here are normally 4 years if you take 5 courses a semester, but I simply cannot do that, so I'm spreading it out a bit more (plus I had to play catch-up with switching programs).

overall I'm happy where I am. I still miss acting but I'll get back into it as a hobby once I graduate. in summary: acting -> astrophysics -> stats and cs

#annes room #my desk #my journal #studyblr #statsblr #csblr #codeblr #studyblr community #university #intro post #ish

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thornofthelily · 1 year

Note

Hi hello !!! I'm here for the prompts thing !! May I suggest: Lasko and Cowoker in a little library date ?? 👁👁

omg that sounds lovely!!! Sorry, the library ended up being not as big a player as I wanted, but I hope you enjoy!

Lasko is nervous. Of course he's nervous. Lasko being nervous is as immutable a fact as water being wet. Or wait, was water actually wet? 'Wetness' is a quality bestowed on other objects by their saturation with water, but can that property be fairly applied to the water itself? Is water, an entity made only of wetness, therefore actually "wet"? Oh, god, now he's overthinking it and he can already feel himself spiraling and he hasn't even left his office yet.

When he tells his date about this, in his usual stumbling, awkward manner, they'll listen patiently like they always do, smile growing wider and fonder in that way that always makes his heart twist with affection, which only makes him more bumbling and talkative until they eventually calm his nerves and reassure him with a jubilant serenity that yes, water is wet, and they would know because they're an expert in water and in wetness, in a voice that makes him blush.

It's not even a formal date, so he doesn't know why he's so nervous. In between their teaching schedule and Lasko juggling duty as a teacher-turned-admin-but-still-sometimes-teacher, they haven't had much time to go out for a real date. Besides, after the disaster that was the pizza date, he had nowhere to go but up. They manage to find a matching gap in their schedules just long enough to visit the DAMN library for a bit of coffee and a chat. Lasko cups both hands around his drink (cappuccino with sugar and caramel) as they sit across from him at one of the many study tables, nursing their chai latte.

"The - the coffee here is quite nice," he says, then mentally kicks himself over such a lame opener.

"Mmm-hmm," they hum in the affirmative. "For just a small coffee stand operated by a single employee in a school library, especially. She does good work."

Lasko drums on the sturdy paper cup with all ten fingers, already out of conversation topics. Fuck. "I, uh, I haven't been in here since I was c-cramming for my Full Certification."

An eyebrow quirks in surprise. "Really? You don't use the library much?"

"N-no, not r-really. I mean, I mainly used the co-copier when I started teaching full-time, but I only did that for-" Wait, no, shit, backtrack, backtrack, don't talk about how you got your new job, don't talk about the promotion, don't talk about the Inversion, that's literally the best way to make this the worst date you've ever had, shit, fuck, shut up shut up shut up - "I-I-I-I mean I u-u-used to use the - the library for... research and - and stuff but I-I mainly teach pretty... pretty simple classes like, well, y'know, DAMN 101 and Introductory Elemental Control and, well, I don't really need research on Air control because, you know, Air Elemental, but s-sometimes need a refresher for Earth Elemental command, or maybe Fire, you know, that kind of thing, and I've never been that good at the Energetics but those are really rare anyway -"

And there it is, that smile, warm and glowing and just a little amused, but not a hint of teasing as he frantically backpedals and works himself into a horrible fluster, but they sit, calm and beautiful and accepting of all his frenetic nonsense, and he crashes his runaway verbal train. "I'm sorr - I mean, shit, I'm, I didn't mean... oh my god, I don't know how you put up with me when I get like this, you're just sitting there so patiently while I'm just tripping all over myself like an idiot -"

They silenced him with a warm palm smoothing over the back of his hand. "Lasko. Hey. Look at me." He met their eyes, cool and clear and calm like a deep pond in a quiet forest. "It's not about putting up with anything. I like you. This - the way you talk, even the parts of you that you seem embarrassed by, your nerves, your feelings, your thoughts - I like all of it. I don't want you to worry about that with me. I love this energy, I love your passion."

Lasko releases the pent-up nerves with a long, slow, controlled exhale. "I... I know. I don't... I don't understand it," he adds with a chuckle, "But... you've made that clear. Thank you."

They grin. "What are you thanking me for, my affection?"

Lasko laughs. "I... I guess? It felt better than saying sorry."

"It is better than apologizing for nothing. You need to be gentler to yourself." Lasko swallows hard, then shifts his hand in theirs, and links their fingers together. Squeezes once. Then panics, yanks his hand back, and starts all over again - "Oh god, I'm sorry, I didn't ask, and we're in public and there's students here, I forgot, oh my god they can see us what am I doing -"

They would try to calm him down again, bring him back to center, but they couldn't stop laughing. He's so cute.

#0605018redactedasmr #lily mini fic #redacted asmr #redacted audio #redacted lasko #lasko is fun to write

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arlecchno · 2 years

Text

mission accomplished [ scaramouche x reader ]

seventeen | everything has changed

prev masterlist next

yun jin did not hesitate to drag you practically everywhere to look for the perfect attire for the grad ball once you were finally out, and you had just about the mind to curse her, if it weren't for the way you'd be witnessing this side of scaramouche. (or when you realise just how much has changed)

warnings: fluff but not so very fluffy i guess, reader tries out a dress

a/n: annddd chap 17 is here! very sorry for the delay, i had no idea on how to start this chapter (i still don't) and this one feels more like a filler chapter to me. title is very much inspired by the song by taylor swift and ed sheeran. happy reading!

NOTE!! the dress' designs and colour is up to your interpretation!!! though i really just needed an excuse to not work my brain to describe the dress lmao. but aside from that, i want it to be your own imagination, it's up to your creativity as to how you want the dress to look like^^

grammatical errors may occur so please let me know if i've made any mistakes!

oh, goodness.

this is it.

this is gonna be the death of you.

“this will be the last one, i promise!” yun jin pleaded as she dragged you to yet another boutique store, looking for the perfect attire to wear for the grad ball.

you groaned. “yun jin, you said that 4 stops ago...”

“come on, i'm sure this is the place!” she insisted, emphasising the word ‘the’.

the chime of a bell rang on the door of the store as you walked in with yun jin, much to your distaste.

it has only been the first day since you've finally got out of your insufferable dormitory, and you're already being dragged everywhere by your friend.

it's a punishment for being absent and not showing up to classes for a whole week, as yun jin had said when she demanded you to come with her to look for something.

well, the something was revealed, and it's one of the worst things to shop for.

a dress.

“look, i told you a bunch of times that i don't need one, i'm not really into them.” you fought. “besides, i have my old one, that'll just do.”

yun jin glared at you, her arm still linked with yours. “nonsense! you showed me it when i picked you up at your dorm, it's... i'm sorry to say this but it... it was absolutely atrocious!” she sputtered, dragging you deeper in the store to look at some dresses on display.

you can't completely disagree with her. the dress you had, the only one you had, was at least 4 years old, and it was the most hideous thing to ever exist. you have no idea why it's still living in your closet.

but can you even blame yourself? you barely wear these kind of outfits, and given how you're working full-time at a tedious job, you never have the time to attend such grand events, hence why you don't have any formal dresses in the first place.

“hello, ladies. how can i help you today?” a woman's voice popped up, making the both of you turn your heads to the direction of where it came from. there was a lady, around her mid 30's you assumed, standing by the counter. a nice smile adorned her face as she approached you two.

yun jin grinned beside you. “hi! we're looking for dresses, but she's the more important one.” she said, pointing her finger at you. “she desperately needs one.”

you rolled your eyes. “i do not.”

“ah, you've come to just the right place. i think i have one that'll suit your friend pretty well.” the young woman replied. “i'll be right back.”

as the woman left, you had time to observe your surroundings. it was a pretty small store, with some nice dresses on display, but none of them were to your liking. you don't even need one in the first place.

to you, another one of these events are just a waste of time. back when you were still a student, you barely paid any mind to anything that is not related to your studies.

it benefited you a lot, you think. if it weren't for your excellent academic results, you wouldn't be standing here today, going undercover for a big case, and working for the one and only prestigious precint in teyvat.

you suddenly remembered that halloween was coming up when you caught glimpse of orange decorations, with little pumpkins and skeletons scattered throughout the boutique.

it's crazy how time flies so fast.

if memory serves you right, it was only the very beginning of autumn when you first started this case, and now october is already ending, thus the breezy season will end soon too.

halloween was always one of the big celebrations, and since it was the day after the graduation ball, students would have a great time celebrating both halloween and the ball. you're not exactly a big fan of either, so the event will go either really great, or really bad for you.

it's already going bad.

“don't you think these look nice?” yun jin asked, browsing through the dresses on display. she had long abandoned your arm that she was clinging on earlier, now going over every single dress there is in store instead.

some were colourful, and some were shiny, and the others were just pretty much plain. you won't deny that they all look great, but it's just really not your style. “they're okay, i guess.”

you ignored yun jin's huffing and her telling you off on how you're missing out as thoughts were clouding your little mind.

it had been a week since james' death.

you still haven't figured out who took his life, nor do you know about the culprit who cut off the news right before your cover would get blown.

it's ironic to you. as being one of the top detectives in the precint, surely it would've only taken you just a day or two to unfold the mystery. yet, it was already over a week, and you still haven't gotten a single clue.

it wasn't entirely your fault (as you had reassured yourself a bunch of times during sleepless nights), there was hardly any evidence and leads that could round up the case. this was also not your crime to solve, you already have another one going on at the moment.

the only thing that doesn't add up is how childe and arlecchino hadn't updated you anything regarding viktor during the trial. supposedly, they were assigned by the tsaritsa to watch over him while you and scaramouche were involved at teyvat court. but ever since you left the campus, you didn't get any updates about it.

it was when childe called you to inform you of james' death was the only time he had updated you about anything, and it wasn't even about viktor. ever since then, childe hadn't contacted you at all. not even a call, not even a message, just pure silence.

“hellooo? earth to luna?”

you turned your head towards yun jin as you heard the fake name rolled off her tongue, your thoughts slowly dissipating. “hm?”

“finally, took you long enough to pay attention to the real world.” she complained, pouting as she does so. “the worker said she's found a great dress for you, it's in the fitting room.”

groaning, you tried leaving the store before yun jin pulled you back immediately. “come onn!!! i never agreed to any of this, yun jin! spare me, please...” you pleaded, though your begging fell on deaf ears as she dragged you to the fitting room a few feet away.

“just try it on, you dummy!” yun jin retorted, pushing you in one of the fitting rooms. “it won't hurt to see you in one, now off you go!”

you huffed, staring at the now, closed door as you silently cursed yourself for even agreeing to go out with yun jin today. who would've thought she'd be dragging you everywhere in town...

“yun jin? you there?”

it was silent for a few seconds, before you heard footsteps running to your fitting room. “i'm here, i'm here!” she said through heavy breaths, for whatever reason she bolted for you, you won't even pry.

“um... i'm done, i think. you'll have to help me with the zipper on my back, though.”

unlocking the door, you let the joyful yun jin in, who immediately opened the door once it was unlocked, getting in the fitting room with you.

yun jin stared at you, completely in awe of you, making you avert your gaze from her. “don't look at me like that.”

“oh wow, you look so... hot.” yun jin gaped at you, making you even more embarrassed at the sudden attention and compliment. it was just a single compliment, yet it does wonders on you. it's not everyday that you'd get such compliments.

rolling your eyes, you turned your back to her. “let's just get this over with.” you said, pointing out to the unzipped zipper on your back that you couldn't reach.

yun jin hummed, and got to work. as she does so, you looked at yourself through the long and big mirror in front of you.

you won't deny that you look absolutely alluring right now, the gorgeous dress fitting your body just perfectly. maybe it does feel nice, you think. dresses were something that you really weren't into, the feminine attire always only looking good to those that are confident in themselves. you weren't exactly someone who fits the criteria.

you looked at yourself again.

maybe you should really stop worrying about everything. enjoying being in a dazzling outfit once in a while won't hurt.

your phone rang.

“oh, yun jin, can you help me get my phone?”

she nodded, stopping her actions to retrieve the phone near her. “here, um... scara's calling.” she informed confusedly, the unrecognisable name displayed on your screen.

widening your eyes, you quickly took the phone from her hands and answered it, not minding the way yun jin scratched her head at your sudden panic.

“hey there! what's up?”

“you sound too excited for someone who just got out of their dorm after a week.” scaramouche said flatly, in which you responded with an awkward chuckle. “where're you right now?”

you looked at yun jin for a moment, who was still fixing you up. “i'm at town, yun jin brought me here to look for dresses for that event we're having this weekend.”

“oh?” he inquired amusedly. “this is the first time i'm hearing you're out for outfits.”

you scoffed. “don't blame me, she was the one who practically dragged me everywhere to look for one, and now i'm stuck at this fitting room.”

“you're trying out a dress right now?”

“well, i'm almost done, yun jin's just fixing me up.”

the other line was silent for a moment.

“hello? you okay there?” you asked, weirded out on why he's suddenly so quiet.

if you listened closely, you could still hear his ragged breaths, resulting in you being more confused.

“um, yeah, i'm fine.” he finally spoke. “i'll see you later.” he said, hanging up the call instantly.

you raised a brow as you brought your phone to your view to see that the call had ended. “weird, acting so strange for no reason...” you mumbled.

“who's that? your boyfriend?” yun jin asked from behind you. completely forgotten that she was even there, you jolted and had almost dropped your phone on the pristine tiles.

you let out a breath of relief when you've finally come down from your panic, resting a hand on your chest. “archons, i forgot you were here for a second there.”

“that's what you get for calling your boyfriend in the middle of trying your outfit on.” she shrugged. “well, you're all done!” yun jin beamed, putting both of her hands on your shoulders from behind.

you turned over your shoulder to look at her. “he– he's not my boyfriend!” you fought. “he's just... just someone!”

yun jin paid no mind to your childish behaviour, bringing one hand up to your face, tilting it to the front so that you'd be looking at the mirror instead of her. “shut up and look at yourself for one second. don't you look nice?”

you paused. “well, i don't really know–”

“try again.”

“but–”

“no buts! i need to hear you compliment yourself, right here and right now.”

you groaned. she really won't budge until she get what she wants. “...fine. i look okay, i guess.” you muttered defeatedly.

the young woman behind you looked at you through the mirror, and you fixate your eyes on hers in return. she had an expectant look, one brow arched as if she was still not satisfied with your sentence. she pinched your forearm out of the blue, making you let out a yelp.

“ow– o-okay fine! i look really pretty! stop pinching me, that freaking hurts!” you tried prying her hand off while doing so, and she finally did after a moment.

yun jin smiled, clasping her hands. “there you go! see? not that hard to praise yourself.” she commented. “you shoud start doing that more often, positivity is the key to happiness.” you internally cringed to yourself as she said that corny quote.

“that's so cheesy, please never do that again.”

yun jin pinched your foream once again.

“ow, ow– i'm sorry!”

she retracted her hand. “that's what i thought.”

“hey, i'm back.”

the dorm was fairly quiet for the night. it was well past 10, and the only thing that brightened up the small living room was the tv that was switched on. you didn't get a response from the ravenette, so you searched through the dark room from the front door.

your eyes landed on his figure on the couch, and to you, it seemed like he was asleep. as you slowly approached him, you realised that he was, in fact, not asleep, though it looked like he had been fighting to stay up for a while now.

nudging his shoulder, he immediately opened his eyes, gazing up at you. “oh, you're finally back. what time is it?” he yawned, bringing up a hand to cover his mouth.

“almost 11. why are you still awake? you should be in bed by now, it's pretty late.” you said, raising a brow at him.

he shrugged, taking his eyes off yours to look at the tv in front of him instead. “wanted to wait for you.”

you rolled your eyes, sitting down on the couch beside him. “you don't need to do that, scara. i'm capable of taking care of myself.”

“what took you so long?” scaramouche inquired, completely ignoring your previous comment.

huffing, you leaned back on the couch. “yun jin continued on dragging me until the evening, and since it was already late by the time we were done, she treated me with dinner as compensation for accompanying her the whole day.” you explained. “aren't you tired? just go to bed, you keep yawning ever since i got back.”

scaramouche yawned once again in response, much to your dismay. “'m fine, i'll sleep once you're settled.”

you turned to look at him.

he was still trying his best to stay awake, fighting away the urge to sleep by staring at the tv screen, as if that'll help him at all. it was kinda cute, you think. he was doing all of this just to wait for you to come back, it was absolutely adorable of him.

what?

adorable? are you insane? that characteristic does not suit him at all, he was far from adorable, he is anything but adorable. how did you even come to the conclusion that he was cute?

you're supposed to hate him, not admiring him while he stayed up just to wait for you.

wait.

he stayed up just for you?

you, whom he hates the most. you, whom he would insult every chance he gets. and you, whom he swore to never, ever, get close to.

the cogs in your brain started running, and when you realised that he actually fought his sleep just to wait for your presence, you widened your eyes, suddenly flustered at the mere thought of him being nice for once, towards you at that.

to hide the rising flush on your face, you turned away from his view— if he was even aware in the first place, and turned your head to the opposite direction whilst covering your face with your hands, embarrassment slowly creeping up on you.

what in the world is happening? and why is your heart suddenly running laps for no reason?

your thoughts were interrupted when you felt something land on your shoulder. turning to look at what it is, turned out to be scaramouche, who was now asleep.

he was barely leaning on your shoulder, yet he looked so peaceful right now. you wanted to curse yourself for being the reason he fought to stay awake, and at the same time you wanted congratulate yourself for doing so, as you wouldn't be witnessing this right now if it weren't for everything.

you merely smiled at the thought, and lazily brought up a hand to brush off the stray strands of hair on his face. you haven't seen him being this peaceful before, hell, you haven't even seen him being so trustful of someone for him to mindlessly sleep beside them, especially to the likes of you.

it's funny how you two got this far.

if you remembered correctly, it was only a few months ago when the both of you couldn't even stand being in the same room together, let alone work on an undercover case where you'd be stuck for months end.

but now, it seemed like the two of you had changed a lot. the way scaramouche is leaning on you while sleeping was the only explanation needed to prove your inference.

maybe it is what people say.

you both just need a little push to get somewhere.

it's 4 am and i have school in a few hours i am insane

taglist: @beriiov @hopesandlegacy @cloudsandrenoswife @salamiwrites @thenightsflower @bleedingwhiteroses222 @lisiastak021 @yuuki4646 @lez-zuha @ryhie @sleepy-waffle @yoursockstinks @shizunxie @moonxma @kunikuzushiit @anonwhocried @vqqrii @luminesuprrmacy @calxb-do @sixscara @xooya @mobiussdarling @mafukissu @antri13

(unfortunately i am unable to tag those that are in bold, i'm sorry!)

want to be added to the taglist?

#h✧˖—mission accomplished #genshin impact #scaramouche x reader #scaramouche #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact reader insert #genshin impact x reader #reader insert #genshin x you #genshin #genshin impact scaramouche #genshin scaramouche #scaramouche fluff #genshin scara

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iguessyouregonnamissthepantyraid · 8 months

Note

I really don't mean to offend or anything. And I realise this is a personal question so no pressure to answer. However about that post you made about wanting to have kids. I'm a woman in my early twenties and I viscerally do not want kids. And your post for the first time had someone bringing up the "watching a person develope" aspect of having children. I figure that could be at least interesting to witness. So for the first I understand any motivation to have children. This is why I'm asking you. Because what you said makes sense to me.

So very genuinely I'd like to know how you're comfortable with the responsibility of it? Of a choice you can't undo and a lifelong commitment. You said you'll get your PhD. But with children right after, it won't stop your career, but won't it definitely mean you'll have less time for a field of study I'm assuming you're very passionate about? If not that, Won't it take away a lot of time for other things important to you?

Please don't misunderstand. I'm not asking bc I want to convince you not to have children (I'm asking because you're so sure of yourself so clearly you've considered this) on the other hand nothing you could say would convince me to have children. This really is just out of curiosity.

Being a woman I've been very much bombarded with people's opinions on motherhood and sometimes felt like I wouldn't have a choice in the matter. Luckily for me I do have the choice. But I am curious because many women do make the other choice, which I find truly unimaginable. My friends are around my age, therefore even if they're comfortable with the idea of children, they're not making concrete plans and my female relatives have already had children.

Anyway. I know that was a long ask but I'll reiterate please don't feel pressured to answer, I'm really just asking because I'm curious it's very much not actually important.

So I'm interested in the opinions of a women who does have concrete and realistic plans but hasn't yet had children.

no offense taken whatsoever! this is a good question and one i think is really worth answering because maybe you're not the only person wondering about this, you know?

under the cut because my answer got equally long, whoops lol

anyway, first off, i am of the very very VERY strong belief having children should be something you do when you're absolutely certain you want to do it, while not having kids should be the default. our society tends to teach us the opposite, but really, like you said, it's an irreversibly life changing decision. it's gonna demolish your finances, it's gonna get in the way of your career to at least some degree, and it is a vastly huge undertaking of responsibility. having kids shouldn't be a "well, idk, isn't that what you're supposed to do?" kind of decision, or god forbid a "my partner wants kids so i guess i'll do it" decision. and tbh i think that's a massive part of why poor parenting is such a prevalent thing. if you're not REALLY REALLY EXCITED ABOUT IT, how are you gonna give this new job the dedication it deserves?

all this to say: i'm certain i want to have kids because i've always wanted to have kids, even after looking at it through the lenses of "wait, do i only want this because it's expected of me? am i just afraid of growing old and getting lonely? do i just think babies are cute?"

and on the flipside, this is why i hold zero judgement toward people who don't want to have kids, in the same way i hold zero judgement toward people who, say, don't want to go into a phd for biochemistry. why would you do that if it's not something you really, really want?

in my case specifically: for a career, i can be a scientist with kids no problem, and honestly, i've always felt that my career isn't something i need to go full throttle on all the time. i don't want to be the top scientist in my field and churn out double digit publications a year, i want to teach classes and maybe run a small lab. i've always wanted a career that's not super serious, where i get plenty of free time, and raising kids is the thing that i most want to fill that time up with. also, even in my career my main goal is to be a teacher, a mentor, so i guess it all comes down to the fact that what i really enjoy most about science is helping other scientists develop, and like, that's the same concept as raising kids to develop into adults, in a way. it's just who i am and what i want to do, it's my skillset and more of a passion than the science itself ever has been (which is a pretty high bar!)

another thing to note: i had a pretty good childhood and good role models for parents. they for SURE had their issues and still do, but overall they were really, really dedicated to parenting and gave me a good impression of what parents are supposed to be like. i think i can give my kids a good childhood and raise them to be happy, healthy, well-adjusted adults. and that's not to say only people with good childhoods should have kids! my bf has a boatload of childhood trauma he's working through in therapy, and he also wants to have kids for sort of the same/opposite reason that i do: he knows a lot of what not to do, and he really feels that he can give a kid a better childhood than the one he had. plus he'll be such a good dad but talking about that makes my baby fever reach supernova levels so we'll just leave that there

lastly, on a personal/selfish note, i also want kids because i had a very large family growing up, which has gotten smaller and smaller over the years, and i want to be able to get back to something like that one day. i want to be the mom/aunt/grandma that hosts family parties where there's just a gaggle of children running all over the place and everyone feels welcome in my house. i want to be someone whose house is a safe place for a lot of people, not just my kids but their friends, too, and my friends and their kids, etc. etc., and this is of course possible without having kids of my own, but combined with the fact that i want kids of my own anyway... you get the deal

THIS ANSWER GOT REALLY LONG lol but anyway, point is, having kids is a huge decision in a similar way that throwing away 6+ years of my life to get a biochemistry phd was a huge decision. it's something that shouldn't be undertaken lightly, and only if you really, really, really want it. which i do, because raising kids is something i feel i'll be pretty good at and which i know i'll really enjoy.

#sam answers stuff #anon

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