#this is why I'm genderqueer lol

[organized-chaotic-disaster]

Does anyone else like... feel less cis while on their period?? Like, a lot of the time I'm good with seeing myself as "girl, mostly" but I find that around my period I often start feeling less girl than I usually feel?? A little less gender perhaps??

[number1villainstan]

The two stories/series/media creations that make me want to gnaw on the drywall right now are Revolutionary Girl Utena, a masterful deconstruction of tropes rooted in sexism and queerphobia but with pervasive racist/imperialist elements* in the background, and Dune, a masterful deconstruction of tropes rooted in racism and imperialism but with pervasive sexist/queerphobic** elements in the background. it's hilarious it's like they're made to cancel each other out

[frankensteinmutual]

for real though how do I stop crushing so bad on the most inappropriate of people 😔

[slu-tea-ftm]

[Looking at my Tummy Tuesday pics, thinking it's someone else's tummy]

Hey, they probably have those little scabs from picking like I do!! That's so cute. I want to take a marker and make little constellations out of them :)

[Realizing it's my body]

Oh...Yikes.

[actual-corpse]

The masculine urge to have long, flowing, wildly cut hair.

[angrymiau]

the boy wonder: dick grayson!

aka: my design of him (casual), his nightwing costume, and his robin costume!

part 1/? because I'm planning to draw my headcanons of the rest of the family too! 💙💙, my headcanons and thought process below the cut ꒰⁠⑅⁠ᵕ⁠༚⁠ᵕ⁠꒱⁠˖⁠♡ (I'm insane) (I'm gonna ramble a lot)

FIRST !! His casual outfit (+ other small things) (this is going to be very long)

first things first i wanted him to be very blue because it helps me differentiate each sibling (+ steph) and have a color pallette because I'm not a character designer at all and if you ask me to combine colors I'll cry in agony, so Dick obviously got blue!! HOWEVER I didn't want to give him bright BRIGHT blue because i wanted dick to look, not soft? but approachable. I hc him to work with kids, maybe as a teacher or as an instructor, because I can't see him as a cop at all (aside from undercover maybe, which if i remember correctly is why he was a cop in the first place) in the long-term—and so I used colors that are mostly soft / not very bright because they're not very stimulating for kids or could distract them too much, and can also tend to be sorta soothing / calming ?? soft colors can help kids focus and soothe them

which is what brings me to my other point, which was drawing with small details to make him look more welcoming and approachable and not threatening at all, at least not as dick grayson, was giving him bushy eyebrows, messy hair and big(?) eyes!! there's not big explanation to that, just that when giving him small details like those i try to follow the theme i gave him in the first place

Aside from that, I like to think his bad fashion sense is a conscious decision. As in he knows how to dress properly, and he can design good suits, but he consciously chooses obnoxious things or things that don't match just for the giggles. Why not. (I'm a firm believer that Discowing should come back it was a great suit). He dresses very well but some days he will show up at the Manor looking like an unicorn threw up on him and being a walking fashion crime and acts unaware to it. Why not.

Other small thing is the necklace!! i was going to draw it to be a four-leaf clover but couldnt draw it so it just ended like that. It has a picture of himself + his fam, a picture that Tim took, so Dick edited Tim's face into the photo with photoshop so in the middle of it there's Tim's floating face

I also hc Dick with another height! I know he's 5'10", which is close to 178cm if I'm correct, but I actually hc him to be shorter, and to be small since he was a kid but having The Growth Spurt when he was around or so! It's only a few cms, I just hc him to be 174cm lol, it's only a 4 cm difference

Last thing which is totally self-indulgent, those dark spots on Dick's neck, knuckles and elbows are because I hc him to have insulin resistance! Because I do since I was a kid, and because why not. I looked it up and it's apparently called 'Acanthosis nigricans' (im fully healthy btw dont worry 👊), I just wanted Dick to have it

I also hc Dick to be genderqueer and bi&demisexual but that has nothing to do with his design

Now!!! Nightwing!!!!!

This was more easier and there's not a lot of different things, but I added some things I like,

Since Dick has long hair, and I'm a firm believer of the fact that hairstyles change how someone can perceive you/recognize you (or maybe I just have bad memory and can't memorize faces at all), I made him tie his hair but also have it a bit more messy, to change from his usual hair look (which is leaving his hair down)

Aside from that, I just added more blue to his suit by adding a few things, his collar (which is the best part of his discowing suit!!!!!!! aside from the colors!!!!), and gave him back his gauntles which I can't draw so they look strange! That, and I gave him a belt with small.bags??? things??? (HOW ARE THEY CALLED IN ENGLISH) where he keeps some stuff he needs like smoke bombs etc etc, they're not filled with those trinkets and are very light so they won't bother him when he does his flips, and it's tied very well so it won't fall off (it happened). so now he can store things on his belt and on his gauntlets instead of his sticks that I forgot how they're called in english

and now...... The Child (aka Devil incarnate)

Following the same theme of looking approaching and good and blahblah but even more. I made his hair curlier because unlike Older Dick who actually tries to brush it and fails miserably, when he was younger he didn't care and climbed every single furniture in the Manor whenever Alfred tried to force him to brush it, inspired by the fact I used to hate to brush my hair as a kid

He also has those dark marks because of the insuline resistance, and I gave him knee pads (?) because there's no way Bruce would let him out like that with only That costume as protection. Overall I didn't change a lot from the canon design?

He's also short, because why not. It makes it funnier to think about being a criminal and a literal 8 year old who barely reaches a bit above ur hip beats your ass. i wouldn't show my face ever again .

I also hc that he Put the fear of god into the rogues gallery (i dont remember how theyre called as a group in english im gonna cry). while Jason did that with the gotham criminals(not rogues, but others, he was cute and all but also very VICIOUS against them, especially those who messed with kids . robin gave him the magic but the magic to break their collarbones, but this isnt about him), Dick was very very VERY annoying to them. the Joker hates him because Dick loudly says how the Joker sucks as a clown and has an obnoxiously long list of every single way the Joker fails as a clown. The Riddler hates him. Penguin hates him. Everyone hates him. They hear a kid laugh and are like '😨 ROBIN' even though Robin is now an adult man. he gave them ptsd. u know that creepy kid laugh? thats exactly how dick laughed to creep them out. it also creeped out the gotham criminals but Dick was specially mean to the gotham rogues . imagine being one of them and after going through the nightmare that is meeting an 8 year old (truly traumatizing) that later kicked ur ass, is hearing robin get sleepy and having to go home because he has a bedtime. a kid with a bedtime beat you. a kid who has to go to school and has to learn how to count to 1000 beat you. I would cry

A small thing I like to think even if it's not included is that in one of his pockets he keeps candies !! both for him and for kids he saves with batman. Batman checks he's not eating all of them because what's worse than an angry and hyperactive eight year old is an angry and hyperactive eight year old mid-sugar rush. no one recovered after that night.

That's all !!!! THANK U FOR READING MY RAMBLES!!!!! kisses u in the cheek /p

[desperatelyseekingcannibals]

Hannibal? Meeting Mads at RDC6

Following on from meeting Hugh in Boston and gifting him a copy of Adapt. Evolve. Become: The Genderqueer Fandom of NBC's Hannibal, I wanted to gift a copy to Mads.

No disrespect to Mads, but I wasn't expecting (and didn't get) the same sort of interaction I had with Hugh. I've met Mads at many cons before, including one in 2018 right before I had top surgery where I had a lovely chat with him about queer and trans Fannibals.

But I've noticed over the years, including from accounts of other Fannibals too, that he's become much more guarded in his conversations. Which is fair, his star has been forever on the rise and he's been working for bigger studios and properties. But as a trans person, I am always very cautious when people become much less vocal about something they previously seemed to support - though I do acknowledge that some people just don't want to get dragged into what they see as a volatile issue. And I knew, given how much more stoic he's become, and the time limitations of signings at cons, that this would be the case regardless of his personal point of view.

Also (and I've mentioned this before in posts about his answers on con panels), Mads has a habit of just saying what he thinks people want to hear, and what will get the biggest reaction - he's a master at fanservice. Which even includes repeating the same stories (Fragile Little Teacup for example). Which again, is not a criticism, but an observation and another reason why I was pretty nervous about meeting him again. And that was BEFORE a couple of different Fannibals approached me with concerns that some of the things he'd said at RDC6 hinted that he might be making a movie that may include a trans character in an unflattering way. (I'm still on the fence about whether that was his meaning, but I'm glad I'm already pretty emotionally divorced from him since he did FB).

ANYWAY! I had talked with the fantastic wholeanddeadly before the event and we agreed on getting his brilliant "F**k transphobia Grindelwald" art print signed in order to auction it for trans charity (in fact we ended up getting two!). As we knew in advance we would be doing this, I wanted to let Mads know, because I don't feel right auctioning something without someone's knowledge if we had already made that plan.

So, this is what happened:

I was maybe third of forth in the queue (which was huge), so this was going to be a whistle stop and I'd thought carefully how to frame it and use my words wisely. So I walked up and he said "Hello, Sir!"

Which, thanks! (always love getting correctly gendered!)

I asked "May I give you a gift", and he said "Yes, of course!"

Whilst I was getting the book out of my back I told him that I met him in 2018 right before I had gender affirming surgery and he was very kind to me. His response was along the lines of "Oh yeah?"

I continued to tell him that since then, I have been involved a lot with of the trans and non-binary Fannibals and we made this book because of what the show means to us. He took it and flicked through and stopped at some of the art and admired it. He asked if it was just about Hannibal, and I said yes because I totally blanked in the moment, so the HEU stuff will be a nice surprise for him, lol.

Then the art print got passed over by his helper and I said I didn't want him to personalise the photo as I wanted to auction it to a charity that supports trans youth if he's OK with that. And he replied "you can do anything you like with it, man." I said thanks, and we were all done.

Whilst on the surface this was all good, I was definitely struck by the difference between this and times I'd met him before (especially in 2018). And perhaps it was just down to him being more guarded, but it felt very... standoffish. Which is fine, it is what it is.

The funniest thing is that Mads often signs the characters name on the things he signs, and the one we already had signed the day before via a friend, he didn't put the character name on it. On the one he signed for me, he did: Hannibal.

I saw him hesitate part way through signing the name but it just made me chuckle at the potential that this character meant so little to him he didn't recall his name and then the next day confused him for another character - Trans Rights Wizard Hannibal!

Anyway. I hope he reads the book. I hope he gets something out of it. I hope he's not making a transphobic movie.

And I hope you'll all check out @transhanniday on here (and on Twitter), where the two signed prints and some other bits will be going up for auction soon! The proceeds will be going to UK trans youth charity Mermaids, the same charity that Deadly supported with his original art prints.

[blenselche]

I downloaded Keep Yourself to reread during the ao3 downtime. Did you add some stuff? I feel like there was new stuff. Anyway you keep saying your requests are open so will you draw more genderqueer/fem Fern? I like how you make him taller when he's a girl because of the time difference between the worlds, I only caught that on my second read. Or am I overthinking it and you wanted to make a joke about Finn's thing for tall women? Maybe draw Jermaine's visit? I never really thought about Fern being a demon when Joshua was a demon hunter, if I wind up writing an angst drabble about that in fucking 2024 it's your fault.

I did add some stuff! Depends on when you last read it but I've added whole paragraphs since it was finished. I still go back in and fiddle with it when I'm like... the passenger in a car or whatever.

Yeah, you called it! That's why fem!Fern is taller. The wish not effecting him when he swaps between the two "Finn variant" vessels is supposed to be a hint at what's going on. I was hoping people would pick up that Fern's vessel takes on its actual age, or at least wonder why she's so much taller and let that fester in their heads until the reveal of Prismo slapping him into Fionna World Fern/Flora so that they can talk. Finn's hang up with tall women sort of just compliments everything/is a happy accident lol.

And dw. It didn't really occur to me for a few years after the show finished either, so you're not alone. The potential for drama there not being explored is a big loss imo. I hope you do in fact write a Fern fic in current year, it's good for you.

Thanks for being so attentive! and for enjoying my writing enough to go back and reread it~

[florsial]

I was directed to you by @/starzzmissthesun

So now I must know every thought you have on Xeno. Specifically how well would he connect to other people/relationships, your favorite headcanon/least favorite headcanon, favorite food, and biggest fear. And any other information.

I also ask for your favorite ship/character or the easiest ship/character to write.

Also hi!! I hope your day has been going well.

hi hello welcome to my blog its a mess here rn but we will find a way to fix it (soon hopefully!)

And I hope your day is also going very well <3333

Here's a couple posts i have that center around Xeno: <3 :D and here are the ones about his relationships! Xenodora 1 2 and one a small insight on his relationship with Lucius! ꒰ᐢ. .ᐢ꒱₊˚⊹

The thing about Xeno is that isolation is a crucial part of his character! I've said before that he's basically in a maze and never wants to leave and when he does it's because of Pandora (when she dies, he takes Luna and hides further). He's alone with creatures and beliefs of his own making, the ghost of his wife dancing, the shadow of a "brother" in the corner, and his daughter's pale white hair as a mirror of the moon.

He doesn't connect with others outside of his family very well and even then he's kinda disregarded by everyone in his family except his mother, he was very isolated in Hogwarts, and even he and Pandora didn't get along very well initially. His views and eccentric thinking tend to throw people off balance and drive them away, he creeps them out, and sometimes he doesn't understand the line between being blunt or just straight-up rude (he's a bit tone-deaf). He's so in his head that he comes off as passive (derogatory) and spoiled/selfish by others.

That's also why I can't see him with anyone except Pandora (and maybe Evan), she'll always be the only person who can understand the way his mind works and I just can't see anyone else doing that (I'm sorry 😭)

My favorite HC of them is that they are genderqueer and very pretty! I mentioned before that Xeno loves white, they look like an angel and easily the brightest person you can pick out at a party! But that is before they run off with Pandora! When he was with his family, his white clothes were constantly replaced/cleaned when dirtied but now that he isn't with the Malfoys anymore, he likes to leave his clothes "marks of his thinking" (dirt/mud/blood from running around the woods) but it's also kinda meant to represent how lost they are now that Pandora is gone (the common trait of depression is lack of energy/motivation to do basic tasks)

I don't really have a least favorite since I'm open to a lot of things but one I just can't see is the age gap where Xeno is this way older guy than Pandora. Idk he's very childlike to me lol

He's very into sugary things! Gives him energy! He's like Regulus in that sense that they are inhaling cakes and candies whenever they get the chance! I like to think Lucius would shut him up with some grandma-esque candy from their fireplace when they were kids and Narcissa would catch him sometimes just sitting in the kitchens listening to him rant about something around him as he ate a cake in the middle of the night.

HE SHOULDVE BEEN A BIOLOGY TEACHER (he reminds of my bio teacher from last year actually lol) he bushes the boundaries of life BEYOND WHAT IS POSSIBLE HE'S LIKE LIFE JUST LIKE PANDORA!! THEY ARE BOTH CREATORS OF THEIR OWN WORLD THEIR OWN FAMILY!!

I think his biggest fear is Luna, since Pandora is already dead at a certain point, this possessiveness derives from fear. That's his daughter, the only thing left of his love, the only family they have now, his flesh and blood so carefully crafted together to form the most beautiful little girl with pretty eyes like her mother and moonlight hair. He isolates Luna with him in a maze of overgrown vines because it's the only way he's ever felt happy and maybe his daughter will be happy away from everyone too.

Maybe at one point, he feared the loss of his older brother but as he grows, he'll come to accept that he never had a brother in the first place.

And yes, I like the thought of him being Lucius' younger brother.

on a lighter aspect, Lucius and Xeno are def the brothers who go out to buy groceries in the middle of the night in their PJs

On the second part! I think the easiest character that comes to me is Regulus! I carefully had to work with his character for a couple months and even now I'm making slight tweaks but I'm pretty satisfied with him rn! (On the other hand, James is a weird one for me, the way I view him is very different from how others view him so I'm working on carefully drawing a line I can balance lol) (plus Barty, he's an odd one to write) but writing Bartylus is very easy for me! Their relationship is like the most normal thing about them so it's like writing a teenage romance lol (jegulus is pretty tricky for me to get down since they are complex for me) (But make no mistake I LOVE JEGULUS AND WRITING THEM it's so satisfying when I get the dynamic just right!)

[lionmythflower]

HIIIIIIII!! What’s your Headcanons for Lizzie/Bunny/KittyMaddie. platonic or Romantic?? (Or really your Wonderlandian couple headcanons)

i STARTWD ANSWERING THIS AND THEN IT DIDN'T SAVE-

anyways imma js give u some headcanons if u want me to type what I was gonna put before I can but it was mainly js Abt who kissed who when

(I'm also including Alistair in their polycule bc why not lol)

Maddie rambles so much and their partners are the only ones who can understand them

lizzie made a bag for Alistair that works the same way as Maddie's hat :)

THAT ONE SCENE WHERE KITTY TRIES TO EAT EARL GRAY (Maddie's mouse) HAPPENS ON A DAILY BASIS 😭

(Justice for Earl Gray)

bunny would love graphic novels and Maddie would buy them for her

Alistair can also read an entire novel in a day and Kitty says it's terrifying

Also back to the graphic novel thing bunny's fav graphic novel would be the Tea Dragon Society by K. O'Neill (I'm projecting and I js got the rest of the tea dragon series)

Lizzie is great at drawing and does so many drawings of her partners<3

When ever one of them makes Lizzie flustered, she'll be like "off with ur head" while blushing furiously

Kitty has a very specific tree that they sit in all the time and when their partners can't find them anywhere else they look there

Maddie is genderqueer and Kitty is nonbinary and they both go by they/them pronouns :)

Alistair gives trans vibes idk

lmao there's no way that bunny and Lizzie are cis

I think bunny is genderfluid and Lizzie is bigender or smth like that

Maddie and Alistair both have ADHD

Lizzie is bipolar

And bunny is dyslexic and has autism (they go nonverbal sometimes and all her partners know sign language for when that happens)

Kitty has OCD

And both kitty and Alistair have apd bc I said so

Kitty will js curl up w their head in their partners lap when one of their partners are sitting

Maddie is the most affectionate and bunny is a close second

Bunny likes to turn into her rabbit form and js sit on her partners laps

They all have great music taste

But Maddie can't sing to save their life (but they still try to, bless their soul)

Kitty can't spell for shit and bunny's like "I'm the one with dyslexia? How come u can't spell???" And it's js bc they hardly passed elementary/primary school 💀

bunny is the one w all the half used or not even opened journals

Maddie brings the best snacks on road trips

Kitty js sleeps the whole time while they're on the road

Alistair is the designated driver bc the last time they let Maddie drive they ended up in monster high (how do u get THAT LOST that u end up in another universe mads-)

Lizzie is the the astronomy person in their polycule

She absolutely loves constellations :)

Maddie will js be like oh look at the moon!!! No matter what phase the moon is in at the time

And then Lizzie will inform them what phase the moon is in

The all cuddle a lot

Like 24/7

Thank you for ur time

^ that's the scene I meant (I could only find it in an edits so that's why there's words lol)

[imaginarylungfish]

Hello, if you don't mind, can I ask, who are your top favorite romantic relationship's couples in any media, like anime/manga, tv series, books, etc (can be canon or non-canon)? Feel free if you want to write the reasons or not of why you love them....Thanks if you want to answer....

Ooh how fun! I should just screenshot my ao3 dash lol. Let's see... almost all of these are all animanga (and not canon), but in order of my love for them at this particular moment in time:

TodoBakuDeku

BakuDeku

KilluGon

MatchaBlossom

SatoSugu

ShiGuang

TigerGhost

SasaMiya

ShunMio

KazuRei

Now, explanations, *spoilers*, and honorable mentions below the cut!

TodoBakuDeku (My Hero Academia)

Obviously not canon and never will be but oh does this ship have a chokehold on me. I just think this trio is so balanced in every way. Like we have our precious TodoDeku who connect by being nerds and the sweetest boys. Then we also have TodoBaku who are just lovely little menaces. And, of course, BakuDeku--can't beat friends to enemies to lovers. And then they all come together to form a masterpiece. Idk I just love this ship so much.

BakuDeku (My Hero Academia)

So I honestly really wasn't into this ship too much until reading the final war arc and meta. Other people's viewpoints changed my mind! Hori has done a really great job of portraying BakuDeku's complex relationship in the manga (for however you view their canon relationship). So like idk how can I not ship For-the-Rest-of-Our-Lives Katsuki with Control-Your-Heart Izuku?

Sidenote: I almost didn't include this on the list because I tend to only really ship this pair while reading the manga. I never shipped them in the anime unless it was TodoBakuDeku with Deku as a hinge. And I don't even read many fics with just Katsuki and Izuku. I just feel like fandom BakuDeku feels incomplete without Shouto for some reason. Like I'm Team BakuDeku for the manga, Team hinge TodoBakuDeku in the anime, but throuple TodoBakuDeku in the sanctuary of my mind/on ao3. (Maybe that'll change once I start watching Season 7 though.)

KilluGon (Hunter x Hunter)

I only watched this anime this year but ohmygod I immediately fell in love with Gon and Killua. They are so precious. I mean, Killua is just a little smitten kitten. And Gon? He's in it. Anyway, love their dynamic and of course I ship them. Gon is Killua's light after all!

MatchaBlossom (Sk8 the Infinity)

Literally just started shipping this so I'm in the throes of obsession rn but their dynamic? *chef's kiss* (hehe, you like what I did there?) Childhood friends? Pining while the other falls for another? Realizing feelings? Already married bickering old couple? Give me all the headcanons please!

SatoSugu (Jujutsu Kaisen)

I mean, c'mon. Tragic gays are my weakness. They're gonna be OG for me. No one can compare. They're on a different level. All I want is for them to have hopped on a plane and gone somewhere they can finally find peace, is that too much to ask? (Gege??)

ShiGuang (Link Click)

Again, I said I like tragic gays. But god, I do hope they don't end up too tragic! I love this pairing. They balance each other out well. We have puppy dog Cheng Xiaoshi and cat Lu Guang. Perfection thx.

TigerGhost (Nicktoons Unite)

Ok so this crackship was brought on by my serendipitous viewing of Nicktoons Unite fanart on this beautiful app and subsequent reading of all their fics on ao3 (a grand total of four, btw). And I'm obsessed. I was a diehard Danny Phantom fan as a kid (we stan our queer/genderqueer/bisexual/trans ghost boy). And I never watched El Tigre as a kid, but the way the fandom portrays him and Danny together just hits. Salty and sweet with a lil bit of darkness? Yum.

SasaMiya (Sasaki to Miyano)

First canon ship on this list lol. You want fluff? You got it. Give me some good pining, consent, and mutual respect, thank you.

ShunMio (Stranger by the Shore)

Second and last canon ship on the list! Love me some good ole sun and moon. Idk their story is so cute. Plus, I like how Kii Kana portrays Shun's feelings regarding his sexuality and how that affects his relationship with Mio. It's relatable.

KazuRei (Buddy Daddies)

I mean, this is practically canon, right? Well, at least queerplatonically (which we stan). Love our little found family. This anime had such a cute and goofy premise, how could I not fall for this ship?

(Honorable mentions: TodoDeku, TodoBaku, Labru, DabiHawks, Renga, VashWood, Kappa x Siren, Boyfriends, EraserMic, ItaFushi, InuOkko, ShokoHime, HaiNana, LeoPika, KudoIchi, TogaChako)

[transfaguette]

my thing abt "pronoun circles" is that like. you dont have to out yourself in them? if you think its safer to say "she/her" instead of "he/him" then u can do that? u saying ur pronouns isnt supposed to be like. Im Transgender And You Can Tell Bc I Told You Pronouns Instead Of Having You Assume Them... like ideally cis ppl would be doing this too and ive been in environments where cis ppl DID introduce themselves w pronouns or wear pins. if the goal is normalization, if the goal is "genderqueerness should be accepted" then we have to like. Do Things to Normalize It.

(bc this website is like an active pvp zone i wanna clarify im not trying to criticize you or start an argument...! ive had lots of Talks w my trans friends and family abt this and like I Get It lol and i dont necessarily disagree. likewise it's just my opinion that 'pronouns circles' are supposed to make things safer For Me and it is not for stealth trans people at all to begin with... i feel like ppl blame nonbinary folks for a lot of things transphobic cis ppl do vis a vis gender neutral language and 'pronoun circles' and stuff like 'you shouldnt assume ppls pronouns' a lot. which isnt what ur doing but it is the reason why im Sharing my two cents. anyways i hope u have a good day bye bye)

maybe it's a bit of irrational anxiety but i just hate misgendering myself because i'm just..lying. I feel like when someone who looks like me (presumed afab and not a typical cis female) says she/her, people breathe a sigh of relief. Like oh great, we thought you might have been trans but good to know you're not. and they cling to that. because queerness makes them uncomfortable and they don't want to be uncomfortable. and then if I ever want to get close to someone I feel like I have to shatter that expectation. I don't know. It's also why, for Me and Me specifically, giving my correct pronouns is going to be a confirmation of my transgender identity. not just because "giving your pronouns is something trans people do," but because people know I am not a cis man.

It's all about the environment, too. a queer meet up where I Want to be open about my identity, that makes perfect sense. Training at a new job? That's incredibly unfair to me, a person who is not stealth nor out, and just wants to exist in the world as myself. I don't know these people, I don't want to have to divulge this or get into it. It takes my agency away.

It does bother me a lot that this isn't a perfect solution and not everybody likes it. I wish there was something better. I wish it was simpler for me. I just know what I wish cis people understood and could be more careful about how they approach scenarios like this. I appreciate your kind approach though and I really, really wish this was an easier dilemma to solve.

[chiisana-sukima]

follow up to the question you just answered (tho I'm a different anon), when did you first get into fandom? what was it like back in the day?

I read what I would now consider my first fic when I was thirteen. It was split into two traditionally published Star Trek novels, but they were whumptastic, barely sanitized Spirk (no sex, but omg the "Ill die for you, give up everything for you, endure horrible torture, etc" vibes were off the charts). And while I can't say they awakened something in me per se--because I had already read a bunch of other raunchy queer scifi by other authors--they were certainly my first taste of transformative works, and I've been in fandom on and off since I became old enough to drive to cons a few years later.

Why is that romulan chick there when this is sanitized gay porn? No idea, its been years since I read these.

I went to Star Trek cons when I was in my twenties and still know some of the con runners from that time. There were, to put it bluntly, a lot of raves and a lot of sex lol. It was a more open time period in some ways, or at least it was open enough my whole friend group basically all banged.

Otoh though, there wasn't nearly as much language to think and talk about identity. I think The Youth TM have really stepped up around issues of gender and sexuality in ways that are net huge positives, including for older queers who can now identify ourselves in ways that may always have been central to us, but which we didnt have language to express (I still call myself bi and queer but can now also say I'm nonbinary/genderqueer and aro--both of which I have been for as long as I can remember but only have words to discuss now). We banged a lot back then (which was great! no regrets!) but didn't know ourselves very well.

I didn't become what I'd call active in fandom on a regular basis though until the 1990s. I was a manga translator in the late nineties/early 2000s and ran a small scanlation team. There wasn't as much Discourse about what kinds of content are acceptable then as there is now, but Discourse springs eternal, so there were a bunch of other kinds of wank instead. My team was international, and we ended up splitting over a weird mix of factors that included one of the members being incredibly racist due to childhood trauma during the Yugoslav wars, my own anxiety over customs opening all my packages from Japan, and an attempt by a traditional publishing company to co-opt all the scanlators as contractors for shit wages and no benefits.

I took a long break and then came back into fandom on the fic reading/writing side in 2015, and I love it here a lot. AO3 is the best thing since sliced bread. Even though I worry about purity wank and the panopticon and how that's all affecting people growing up now, I think overall fandom is a better place for the togetherness that the internet has bred. It's much more accessible now compared to when I was young, and it's easier to find your own little tribe of weirdos who match your freak pretty exactly.

[transmultiphobia-discussion]

fuuuuck yeah i (squishylemonblobs, it's a sideblog) had a similar experience as redtail-lol and it was so infuriating. i tagged you in the posts but i'm not sure you saw them/if they got buried in your notifications haha but yeah, those are at /squishylemonblobs /758620027617525761 and /squishylemonblobs/758623837289054208

it's so infuriating because i have had experience of people calling me nonbinary and "neutral" explicitly to DEgender me but there was no acknowledgement of my saying this, only that it's weird to be "a nonbinary gender" without identifying that way. in my case specifically though i'm both ends of the binary lol... genderqueer, bigender, or anything else i use is just a means of describing that, not my whole identification, if that makes sense??

like i don't have a problem with others being nonbinary in the slightest, but i have a problem with being told that i either have to be nonbinary, or that it's the fault of people like me that others have an incomplete mental image of what nonbinary means.

yeahhh I did see I just wasn't in the mental space to process what I was reading and ended up forgetting. I wish people would let go of the idea that queer labels are rules people have to follow instead of them being optional personal descriptors. I generally describe multigender identities as being nonbinary ones, I use nonbinary and I'm tired of getting left out of people's ideas of what nonbinary means, but that doesn't mean any multigender person HAS to call themselves nonbinary or be comfortable with being called that. I totally get why a multigender person wouldn't label themselves as nonbinary

I once read a post that I still think about often about colloquial vs personal definitions, that there are ideas we have of words and their definitions we use in passing that everyone understands what they mean given the context of the situation. and then there are personal meanings defined by that person's unique relationship with the word, and that personal meaning existing doesn't threaten the colloquial one. I wish people would understand that difference more often. because we end up with people thinking they're trying to change that colloquial definition, and depending on the feelings surrounding it, may feel threatened. lesbian, for example, we normally use in passing to describe a woman who most likely exclusively likes other women. but then there are personal meanings, tied to historical community and unique experiences with their sexuality, that have people calling themselves lesbians even if they don't quite fit the common idea of what a lesbian is in everyday conversation. and that's totally okay! it's quite normal actually. many people don't realize how much we do this with common words. it's a regular part of language

[gay-otlc]

hi honest sincere question how can a man be a lesbian? can amab men be lesbians?

Hi! Thanks for asking respectfully. I am going to answer your question in significantly more detail than you probably wanted. Be warned.

The main reason I think men can be lesbians is: I think people can use whatever words they think most accurately describe their identity and/or experience. These words might not necessarily be words that they are, but still words that they use to describe themselves.

Lesbian does have a lot of feminine connotations, and can cause dysphoria for many men, so men who use both terms have often put a lot of thought into it. I might not understand their reasons, but I'm sure they have their reasons.

You don't need to understand to be respectful, but if you're curious, here is an explanation of why some men choose to identify as lesbians. This got so long that I'm dividing it with subtitles. I'm so sorry if you didn't want to read all this.

Lesbian Trans Men

Men who identify as lesbians tend to be trans men. Of course, wanting to use the label lesbian is a minority of trans men who like women! Definitely don't assume all trans mlw are comfortable being called a lesbian, or call a trans man a lesbian without permission.

At least for me, labels describe how I feel in the present but also the way I have experienced gender and attraction throughout my life. Right now I'm a man who's attracted to women, but at lunch today I was talking about how it felt in middle school to be a "girl" who liked girls, and I used the word lesbian to communicate that.

Trans men who have spent a very long time identifying as a lesbian and being a part of the lesbian community, often decades, might continue using the label lesbian after transitioning. If a trans man feels like he spent his life as a lesbian rather than a straight man, the former might feel most accurate to describe his experience.

Trans men might also identify as lesbian due to being in the closet. Internally, I feel more like a straight man, but that's not really how I'm seen by the rest of the world. I'm out to a few close friends offline, but pretty much all my other classmates or teachers or relatives or acquaintances think of me as a woman.

If I called myself straight, that would most likely be interpreted as me being a straight woman. I'm open about liking women, though, which means I would either have to be out as lesbian or bi. I definitely shouldn't call myself bi, because I'm not attracted to multiple genders. So, I go with lesbian. It's not the perfect label, but it gets the point across. (The point being "I think women are hot.")

Male =/= Solely, Always, Exclusively Male

Men who are lesbians are not always exclusively men. Multigender people exist! I'm one of them. If someone is bigender with those genders being a man and a woman, and they're attracted to women, I don't think it really makes sense to say that they can't be a lesbian.

I'm assuming you (anon) support nonbinary lesbians, since that's the general trend I've noticed among those who are trans-inclusive but don't understand male lesbians. Some nonbinary people will also identify as men. If nonbinary people can be lesbians, nonbinary men can be lesbians.

A genderfluid person might sometimes be a man and sometimes be another gender(s) that are more commonly included in lesbianism, and like women, and use both labels.

This could apply to anyone regardless of assigned gender, so those are some examples of how a man assigned male at birth could be a lesbian.

AMAB Male Lesbians

As for whether men who were AMAB can be lesbians... yes, but I want to clarify that not just any cis man should go "lol I'm a lesbian" because it's funny. Someone would need to put thought into why the feel like lesbian is the best label for them.

In the case of a man who was AMAB, they would probably feel like lesbian is a good descriptor due to having a complex relationship with their gender. Being genderqueer and being an AMAB man or AFAB woman are not mutually exclusive.

Gender Non Conformity

There's a type of identity that I believe is referred to as a cusp identity, or something like that? It is where someone might blur the line or exist in the grey area between two different identities with an overlap in a lot of experiences.

There might be someone who is on the cusp right between being a trans woman and an extremely gender nonconforming man. They might not be sure which one they fall into, or feel like they exist right in the middle. This person might identify simultaneously as or right between "lesbian trans woman" and "feminine presenting cishet man."

There are also some people who identify with their assigned gender, but pursue medical transition in a way typically associated with a different gender. I have a friend who identifies fully as a cis woman, but thinks she might want to get bottom surgery. It's a type of gender nonconformity, you know?

I don't know anyone who's had this experience in reverse, but it's definitely possible. I'm sure there's a cis man out there somewhere who has or wants to medically transition to "female." And I think it would make sense if this hypothetical person wanted to identify as a lesbian.

Trans Women

Just to be clear, I am NOT saying trans women are men. They aren't. (Unless they're multigender, which is cool.) But monogender trans women aren't men, and definitely should not be misgendered.

Similar to how a straight trans man might be closeted and call himself a lesbian, a lesbian trans woman might be closeted and call herself a man. Again, this lesbian trans woman wouldn't be a man. However, a she might refer to herself as a man to stay safe, or just because she's not comfortable being out yet, but might also refer to herself as a lesbian online or around a few people she's close with. She's not actually a lesbian man, but using both labels would still be enough to get cancelled by those violently against male lesbians.

Some trans women might also still be eggs (not yet realize they're trans). I know that prior to coming out as trans, some gay trans people have said something like "I'm a man, but I want to be in a lesbian relationship" or "I'm a girl and I love reading mlm fanfiction, I like to imagine myself as one of the characters." A trans woman just beginning to explore gender could identify or want to identify with being a lesbian, while still not fully realizing she's not a man. Again- not actually a man, but someone who might use both labels.

Arguments Against Lesbian Men

Now, I know there are a lot of reasons this is controversial, and some of them are even in good faith. However, they are still misguided.

"It's Misgendering Trans Men"

Many people are opposed to trans men being lesbians because they're trans men and would feel dysphoric if called a lesbian, or are an ally and don't want trans men to be misgendered.

That's a very understandable concern, but see my earlier note about not calling a trans man a lesbian without permission.

Trans men aren't a monolith, and everyone's comfortable with different things. Some trans men are comfortable wearing dresses and some trans men are comfortable being called "sis" or "queen" or something, but many aren't, and that's all okay!

I think people just need to be clear that even though some trans men are okay with this, it doesn't apply to all trans men.

"Cishet Men Will Pretend To Be Lesbians"

Another reason people are against male lesbians is because they're concerned cis straight men will call themselves lesbians for no reason other than they think it's funny, or they want to make lesbians uncomfortable. Which I agree; that's shitty, and they shouldn't do that.

But I feel like most of the time, they do make it pretty clear they don't genuinely identify as a lesbian. People with complex or contradicting identities generally understand that their labels don't make a lot of sense at first glance, so they tend to offer a short explanation. They have no obligation to go on and on defending their right to exist, but a sentence or two is good and most people are totally willing to provide that.

I've had friends ask about me being both a trans man and a lesbian, and I've given a short explanation, and it works! Because they aren't assholes! The main one that comes to mind happened shortly after I told my best friend I was changing my name, and it went something like this.

Me, after seeing a pretty girl: Oh my god, I'm so gay for her. Friend: Do you still identify as gay? I thought you might want to be called straight now, since you're a trans guy. Me: I'm, like, both a man and a woman? So lesbian and straight man are both fine with me. Friend: Okay, cool. Let me know if you decide you don't want to be called lesbian anymore since I don't want to make you feel dysphoric.

And then that was it! It wasn't a big deal. With just a short conversation, I established that I was a lesbian man because I'm bigender and not because I'm just saying it for the lols.

I do understand the desire to stop cishet men from making lesbian jokes, but the thing is, there's no reliable way to do so that won't also end up harming some queer people. I mean, TERFs argue that trans women can't be lesbians because then what's to stop a straight man from invading the lesbian community by falsely claiming he's a trans woman, you know? But just because some people might abuse other queer peoples' genuine identity, doesn't mean no one can use that identity.

"They're Invading Lesbian Spaces"

Those against male lesbians are trying to stop men from invading lesbian spaces. While I agree that lesbian spaces should be for lesbians, and I think it's wrong for people to attend an all-lesbian support group or something if they know they're not a lesbian, I also know I can't stop them.

What are we supposed to do, go around forcing everyone there to prove they are a Real Actual Lesbian? Who decides what a Real Actual Lesbian is? How do we verify if people are telling the truth on the questions asked to prove Real Actual Lesbian? Keeping 100% of non lesbians out of lesbian spaces just isn't a feasible goal and it's not fair to make everyone prove their identity like that.

If someone in a lesbian safe space is causing any harm to others, they should be kicked out, but this applies even if they are a Real Actual Lesbian. Lesbians are perfectly capable of hurting other lesbians and being a lesbian doesn't give them a free pass to get out of consequences.

Male Lesbians Are Rapists

An extension of the "invading lesbian spaces" arguments is that lesbian men are forcing or pressuring lesbians to date or sleep with men.

However, lesbian men don't necessarily expect or even want other lesbians to be attracted to them. Lesbians don't have to be attracted to every other lesbian in the world! Sometimes, people don't find another person attractive, and that's fine. Sometimes, people are not attracted to a certain gender, and someone of that gender being a lesbian won't change that.

I'm not attracted to nonbinary people, and there are plenty of nonbinary lesbians, and I'm not attracted to them. Which is fine! Them being lesbians doesn't mean I have to be attracted to them, and me not being attracted to them doesn't make them not lesbians. Accepting someone as their identity doesn't mean you have to find them attractive.

I might be attracted to a lesbian and ask her out, and she might respond "Sorry, I'm not attracted to men and since you're bigender I wouldn't be comfortable sleeping with you."

What I would not say: "But I'm a lesbian! You accepted me into your lesbian safe space, which means you have to sleep with me. Checkmate."

What I would say: "I understand, have a nice day."

In the above scenario, if someone in that situation refused to accept that the lesbian woman wasn't attracted to them, that would be shitty no matter what. It would be shitty if that person was a male lesbian, and it would be shitty if that person was a cis woman. Because it is shitty to not respect people's boundaries.

This isn't something only lesbian men are capable of doing. Most lesbian men are perfectly respectful people who would not rape anyone, and if they do? They're shitty, but they're not shitty because they're a lesbian man. They're shitty because they're a rapist.

Claiming that someone would lie about their gender identity to rape people is entry-level transphobia. You cannot believe "male lesbians are just lying so they can rape lesbians" and then call yourself a trans ally. They are mutually exclusive.

Political Lesbianism

Finally, this argument is derived from TERF rhetoric. If you're not familiar with political lesbianism, it's a radical feminist ideology that can be summarized by "don't date or fuck men." Being a lesbian was a feminist choice that wasn't necessarily about attraction to women, but about not being involved with men. This sounds quite a lot like the common lesbian definition used against male lesbians; "non men loving non men." A major component of TERFism is trying to keep men (or those they believe to be men) away from women's/lesbian spaces, and including trans women doesn't change the fact that the ideologies stem from the exact same place. There have been anti male lesbian posts that genuinely sound exactly like a TERF wrote them, which is pretty telling. If you're violently against any men ever being lesbians, odds are you've been drinking the TERF juice, and you probably need to unpack that.

Conclusion

This is ridiculously long and I have been writing it for the last two and a half hours. I am very thankful and also kind of apologetic to anyone who just read every single word I vomited out.

Basically, even if you disagree with someone using both "man" and "lesbian" to label themself, I would recommend leaving them alone. They're describing their identity in the way that works best for them, and they're not hurting anyone. You don't need to like their identity, and you definitely don't need to understand it, but you do need to be respectful. It costs $0 to not be an asshole.

If you're considering telling a lesbian man their identity is invalid, take my advice and simply... don't do that. There are so many other things you could do with your time.

The queer community has a lot of problems. The world in general has even more problems. In the grand scheme of things, someone identifying as a male lesbian literally does not matter.

That's finally all, thanks for reading.

[echoes-lighthouse]

Had a heartfelt conversation with a friend at work today about our Harry Potter phases and decided to draw up my existing selfships for that universe! I kind of vacillate between not wanting to engage with the fandom and wanting to rub my grubby little genderqueer feminist fingers all over it. Neither of these ships are getting a tag because they're not going to be reoccuring on this blog, but this is just a today thing.

V1: Minerva McGonagall Timeline

My s/i comes to work at Hogwarts after the First Wizarding War, helping the kids recover from the war and the widespread loss of parents. Their eventual goal is to specialize in non-human therapy in the Wizarding World, so they keep going to the Forbidden Forest to interview centaurs, but they also care a lot about the students.

They have a little Yorkie dog as their familiar, who's always tip-tapping down the stone corridors after them. He's also an emotional support dog for the students, they can hold him during sessions.

Dumbledore and I have a mutually wary relationship, but so far we've been working towards the same goals, so the wariness is mostly expressed in being overly cheerful with each other and always buying each other candy. But we're side-eyeing each other the entire time distrustfully.

Minerva and I were also kind of wary of each other initially, but I was also very open about how cool I thought she was, and wanting to socialize more with her. I'm friends with most of the professors: Rubeus, Filius, Ponoma, even Severus, although I had to learn not to pry as much as I naturally do.

The more Minerva and I started socializing, the more we enjoyed each other's company, and one thing led to another and now we're married, although the students don't know. Minerva's pretty private, so we told the staff but not the kids. There's always a couple of them who figure it out, but they're usually queer as well, so they keep it quiet.

V2: Severus Snape Timeline

My s/i in this universe is three years older than the main cast! Both of my Hogwarts self-inserts are Halfbloods, but this one cares a lot more because they're in Slytherin, so it's a bigger deal.

Basically I transferred over from Canada in my Fifth Year and I was like 'wow everyone must have a crush on Professor Snape' and everyone else was like 'what the literal fuck did you just say with your mouth?' and I realized that it was not universally agreed that he was the sexiest professor and decided to basically campaign for my perspective.

As a result, all of the students and staff know that I have a crush on Severus: Severus hates it for several reasons: he thinks that I'm annoying, the other teachers tease him about it, and it's just uncomfortable and he wants to absolutely find an excuse to get me out of the school entirely.

Anyways, I'm generally a big sibling figure to the other non-conforming Slytherins: half-bloods, muggle-borns, queer kids, kids who've broken with their families, I kind of collect them. Me and Luna are also very close, and we dye each other's hair and go to games together.

I graduate in Harry's Fifth Year, but when shit really starts to hit the fan, I organize the alternative Slytherins and get them out of there. I end up tied in with the Order of the Phoenix because of my little student team, and their familial connections to some Death Eaters, that enable them to get us information.

By then I'm all grown up and aware of how uncomfortable I made Severus, so I try to be extra nice to him but not in a creepy way, and he's like 'goddamnit they're competent and good at taking care of their people and they keep making me tea and it makes me feel weird when they have flowers in their hair but they're kicking ass in a dueling session' and then I nurse him back to health after the climax and we fall in love okay??? okay ^w^

Also me having taken all the cool Slytherins is why the whole house is dicks in the final book lol