#this is what i get for laying on my bed
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cat sat on my back and is now purring oh my god
#i need to get up but she just laid down#this is what i get for laying on my bed#i’m not complaining at the consequences though#she’s a perfect weight#this is nice#when i get older i’m getting two or three cats and i hope they lay on me#i hope she enjoys this bc i am enjoying it#i need to get up#i cant disturb her :(#she’s so cute wtf#sodaramblestoomuch#i’m dying here and im not even upset about it
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Shen Yuan getting transported into pidw isn't "the system punishing him for being a lazy internet hater," but instead representative of "step 1 of the creative process: getting so mad at something you decide to go write your own fucking book" in this essay I will
#svsss#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#the fact that people think scum villain#-a series that examines and criticizes common tropes in fiction-#is somehow against criticism or being a little hater is wild to me#especially since shen qingqiu never gets punished for being a hater#heck- he's still a little hater by the end of the series#he mostly gets punished for treating life like a play and like he and the people around him are characters#(or in other words- he suffers for denying his own wants and emotions and his own sense of empathy)#I think some of y'all underestimate how much writing/art is inspired by creaters being little haters#like example off the top of my head-#the author of Iron Widow has been pretty vocal about the book being inspired by their hatred of Darling in the Franxx#I think my interpretation of Shen Yuan's transmigration is also supported by the fact that this series is an examines writing processes#side note- though i understand why people say Shen Yuan is lazy and think its a valid take it still doesnt sit right with me#i am probably biased because my own experiences with chronic pain and depression and isolation#but ya- i dont think Shen Yuan is lazy so much as he is deeply lonely and feels purposeless after denying parts of himself for 20ish years#like yall remember the online fandom boom from covid right?#being stuck completely alone in bed while feeling like shit for 20 days straight does shit to your brain#the fact that no one came to check on him + he wasn't exactly upset about leaving anyone behind supports the isolation interpretation too#+in the skinner demon arc he describes his life of being a faker/inability to stop being a faker now that he's Shen Qingqiu#as “so bland he's tempted to throw salt on himself” and “all he could do is lay around and wait for death” (<-paraphrasing)#bro wants to be doing stuff but is stuck in paralysis from repeatedly following scrips made by other people#another point on “Shen Yuan isn’t lazy” is just the sheer amount of studying that man does#also he did graduate college- how lazy can he really be#he doesnt know what hes doing but he at least tries to actively train his students#and he actually works on improving his own cultivation + spends quite a bit of time preping the mushroom body thing#+he's experiencing bouts of debilitating chronic pain throughout all this#but ya tldr: Shen Yuan's transmigration is an encouragement to write and not a punishment and also i dont think its fair to call him lazy
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Teehee! (Spritesheets your Wangxian)
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#pixel art#game dev diary#When you read these tags please imagine it is at my bedside in a candlelit room as I lay in bed shaking with fever.#I weakly hand you an envelope with these spritesheets and you have to lean in to hear my rasping voice.#Because I *know* this is probably really straightforward to a lot of artists.#But this is my first time doing something like this *EVER*. I am so far outside of my comfort zone!#But *who* is pd-mdzs if not that art blog that keeps you all on your toes for what to expect?#For someone who has never done pixel art I think I did okay! I have learned a lot B*)#The more exciting news is that THESE ACUALLY WORK. They can run around and be put into situations!#(Well...the *original* files work; these are screenshots. The real files are microscopically small)#Get ready for a new era of content while I continue to learn more about sprite art and animation.#I have a lot of other assets to practice making so seriously; get ready for some wild MDZS (and Dungeon Meshi) fake game clips.#I want to recreate some scenes in the game engine to practice and experiment! I think that's really fun!#Next up is dialogue window icons and then battle art!
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I am endlessly entertained by the prospect of MBJ just having literally no clue how human physiology works, and thus believing everything he hears (which, paired with SQH's propensity for saying dumb shit without thinking, is a recipe for disaster)
like:
SQH: ugh if I read any more expense reports my eyeballs will fall out of my head
MBJ: *frantically gathering as many expense reports as he can carry before shoving them into the fire*
SQH: *literally watching all his work burn up in flames* i-
MBJ: please hold in your eyeballs
______
SQH, offhandedly: lmao wei qingwei ate so many bao buns at the festival that I honestly think he's going to turn into one
MBJ, absolutely horrified, actually gives his condolences to the (very confused) human man because this affliction which will soon take his humanity is a fate worse than death. Also he starts hiding SQH's melon seeds
_____
SQH: ugh I'm so stressed out i'm gonna EXPLODE
MBJ: NO-
Yes YES OH man Shang Qinghua definitely has no filter when complaining about stuff, Poor Mobei he's learning so many awful things about humans and how MUCH DANGER THEYRE IN (how much danger his favorite human is in)
He tries to learn more about what can happen to his poor human so he's spying on Shen Qingqiu and Shang Qinghuas meetings only to hear them BOTH dramatically explain how tired they are, Shen Qingqiu with some peak lord duties juggled with Binghe and Shang Qinghua with just the amount of paper work and how they both won't make it if things don't slow down soon which prompts Mobei to immediately tell Luo Binghe that his consort is going to DIE if he doesn't get rest immediately this second
I can see this getting SO out of hand so fast, He'd bury Shang Qinghua in blankets and hold him tight so absolutely nothing can bother him and he'd be safe
#svsss#shen qingqiu#luo binghe#shang qinghua#mobei jun#moshang#bingqiu#i would read a fic about this immediately i love how they cant communicate#because i know Shang Qinghua would be WAY too confused to even try to put together wtf is happening with his king#he misses his melon seeds#and his work keeps getting burned#my king what are you doing? Are you trying to make my work longer?#also Binghe would wholehearedly belive Mobei if he said his shizun is dying from lack of rest#immediately making Shen Qingqiu lay in bed and latching onto him and hiss8ng at anyone that bothers them#ask
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Steddie x female!reader thought 18+ only
Eddie blinks his eyes a couple of times to make sure he is actually seeing what he is seeing. He must be living in a nightmare.
You're laying back on one of the pool loungers. One leg dangling over the edge keeping your foot on the warm cement ground, the other spread over Steve's lap as he absently rubs his hand up and down it while he bitches to you about something from work. Your hand rubs up and down Steve's back in comfort. But that isn't the nightmare.
Your bright red bikini bottoms covering enough, but with your legs spread a bit more skin is shown then intended. Spread in such a way that makes Eddie want to just dive in. Get on his knees and worship you, rub his face over your mound as he licks and nips and sucks. Moan as the curly thatch of hair brushes against his face.
Except the curls of hair he is expecting to see peeking around your bikini are gone. Just smooth bare skin. And that isn't the only nightmare. Steve's chest is smooth like when he was in school on the swim team. Not a speck of that beautiful chest hair Eddie would curl into after getting hot and heavy. Not a single curl of the "love rug" he jokingly called it.
Eddie wants to weep. To throw himself down like a little kid and thrash his arms and legs around. Yeah, it's your body and you can do what you want, but he still is sad its gone. Eddie doesn't like change, and suddenly walking in to see both of his partners change something without any warning? Uncomfortable. It makes Eddie feel itchy.
Eddie can barely speak as he walks over and sits next to Steve. He doesn't respond to Steve's warm greeting. Doesn't respond to you asking how the day is. Just stares with big wet eyes at the sight in front of him. A pout on his lips.
A warm hand lands on his shoulder, gently squeezing. Steve's brow furrowed in concern, your wide eyes blinking at him.
"Shaved?" Eddie asks in a quiet voice, eyes darting to Steve's chest and then your clothed pussy. Steve lets out a huff of laughter, "Fuck, thought something was wrong man." Eddie glares," It is."
#Robin wanted to try waxing her legs but was scared it would hurt so Steve was the test subject#Steve then didn't like the random bald spot so he got rid of the rest#The leftover wax you were like huh wonder what that feels like and maybe the tequila didn't help#Well it did cause you were out of it#Eddie is sitting there with the biggest wettest eyes whimpering and shaking like a chihuahua#Just absolutely pathetic and sad#Of course getting kissed makes him feel a BIT better but he's still upset (also why wasn't HE invited to this event huh maybe HE would have#Liked to be the one to inflict pain- no he has to stop he needs to be SAD not HORN-)#Eddie isn't going to deny you making it up to him though...getting to just lay back and get some smooches?#Maybe just don't spring sudden change on him again#Or maybe do as long as Steve and you come kiss him like this and take care of him like this#He's boneless and melting into the bed and how did he get inside his brain is gone#Anyways I was given wax and did one strip on my leg and chickened out#So that's what created this thanks ok#Maybe I'll write a full fic idk#Jade is Talking#Steddie x reader#Steve Harrington x reader x Eddie Munson#Steve Harrington x Eddie Munson x Reader#Female!reader#Steddie x Female!reader#Steddie/female!reader#Steddie/reader
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Lore dump
Cae’s journal entries from his earliest memories to being sold off.
I thought it’d be fun to put it in in-game form, but If you hate reading it like this, it’s on AO3 as Cae’s Records
I’ll probably write some more…
#bg3#bg3 fic#procreate#bg3 durge#my ocs#cae#I can’t get back on a normal sleep schedule#this is what I do laying in bed at 3am#Cae lore
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i like thinking about how all the versions of frank i know are so gentle with civilians in a certain way. its always "it was my pleasure", "youre safe im not going to hurt you" and "just stay still youre fine" while hes defusing an actual bomb. its always we cant shoot at the strip club because the workers are going to get injured and we cant have that above most else. the punisher is big and scary and kills people without a second thought but if you didnt ask to be there and are just a regular guy wrapped up in situations way beyond you he is also so gentle and its driving me insane
#marvel#frank castle#the punisher#i had a day of going insane today over him btw#i spent like an hour laying in bed with my giant teddy bear just yearning#AND YK WHAT when he doesnt let people tag along its not just because hes an edgy asshole and theyll bother him#but also bc if they tag along theyre just more likely to get hurt!! and thats like the thing hes doing his best to avoid!!!#man cant blow up a ship because a whole TWO innocents are on board so this is a rescue mission now above most else#idk. i like it. hes an antihero cuz he kill people sure but dont come at me with some fucking 'oh he doesnt care to save people' shit#cuz he does even if he may not admit it verbally
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An AWS comic
#My art#For the record I am not a medical professional and as far as I know AWS isn't even something you can be diagnosed with???#It's so hard to describe what the two sensory hallucinations really *FEEL* like#Like the time one... You know how a dramatic slow motion scene looks like in an anime?#It's like that but if you made it a 60 fps interpolated version of it#It is an absolutely bizarre feeling#Meanwhile the hyper awareness and everything feeling intense feels like how a fisheye lens shot in an anime feels#No I could not be bothered to try to figure out how to draw that for this comic#For the record I haven't actually had those visual hallucinations since I was a small small child#Hell I don't even think I had any hallucinations in my teens at all like#The sensory ones just kinda started happening again in the past 7 years or so?#Also the swelling sensation I've only had once so far. Usually I get the hyper awareness sensation#(Also sometimes I get this intense feeling of swaying when I go to bed but that might not be an AWS thing??)#(Like there's other things that could make you feel like you're rocking on a boat when laying down so I didn't include that)#No I have never talked to anyone about these hallucinations because for the longest time I didn't know what they were#And they are like. Harmless. Like I'm 100% aware they're just strange sensations but not real at all#They last max 15 minutes if even that long and they happen like super rarely#Only once have I had the hyper awareness be SO INTENSE it made me feel distressed#So like. It doesn't really affect my life at all? So why bother with it?#Also IDK if I could even go to a doctor and ask about AWS and have them know what that even is#And even if I could as far as I know there is no treatment for it so like. Whatever#As long as I don't start having distressing hallucinations or visual hallucination's I'll be fiiiiiine
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me, getting notifs on twitter: *baby's first time being harassed by unhinged Romys <3* Sure, go off, lol. *proceeds to draw Magneto eating Rogue out*
#magneto#rogue#rogueneto#antis#ship discourse#lmfao keep screaming “GROOMING”#these are the same guys who called Entrapta being fond of Hordak “grooming”/“manipulation”/“toxic” too then they learned she was 30+ lmfao#or when they said an autistic woman cant be in a relationship be it sexual/romantic and took away her agency. im so tired of antis bruh#cant you just spend your time focusing on creating content for your ship and enjoying what you have instead of being utter pieces of refuse#They always infantilize women and take away their choices like bitch let The Women Fuck who they WANT#LET THEM FUCK BADDIES#LET THEM FUCK DILFS/GILFS#I cant thank the r*my community enough for making me want to have nothing with them. cant have anything in this hellscape for fuck's sake.#forget about drawing them kissing embracing holding hands now no one gets any r*my. you shat your bed now ya gotta lay in it fuckheads#vent#rant
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UUGHH I JUST HAD THE WORST DAY IM SO ANGRY AND FRUSTRATED GRRRR !!!!! goes to draw my best friend @jumjum-crafts 's guy to blow off steam
★ version without text + reference image under cut :
★ song : "STATIC ELECTRICITY HUMAN – Computer Flavor" – kairikibear
#before you ask . dear jummy – yes . this was what the ask i sent you the other day was alluding to#i have a very complicated relationship with your colin . but you should be aware of the fact that seeing him invokes intense primitive –#– feelings within me . and one cannot decipher whether they are positive or negative#in any case#JDHDHDJRJRHT I HATE MY LIFE#I HATE THIS SHIT#I WANT TO BE DEAD#there's so much stuff happening every day and im constantly overwhelmed and tired and it's so hard to get out of bed and i don't even want –#– to wake up in the morning . every day just gets worse than the last#everyone around me is doing so much . living their life to the fullest . making huge future and career decisions and planning way ahead#and what am i doing ?#im laying in bed . crying because today was just too much to bear . trying to gain an ounce of happiness by ripping out another piece of –#– my soul to hand out to someone i admire#is this what it's going to be like forever ? bleak nothingness ? constant desolation ?#...#im gonna go to bed#dhmis#dhmis art#dhmis colin#colin the computer#fanart#fanart for a friend#vocaloid#vocaloid inspired#i actually had a lot of fun with this . even if the background was the biggest pain i ever had the pleasure of drawing#this entire song makes me feel comfortable#i might make something for someone else#and im debating if im actually gonna be doing a halloween drawing in the first place . at least one that will be on time with the holiday#whatever#please ignore me
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every single time my anxiety gets the better of me it's because I don't have a book to read. every time! I suddenly feel like life is too large and I can't possibly deal with it all it's not because it's true it's because I don't have my nose in a book every spare moment, searching for perspective. there are no character gloves. no lighthouse chapters. you feel me?
#i need to find a book to read.#and the energy to get invested. thats the hard part#im sooooooo tired of being just sick enough that i feel like i have to do stuff but without the energy to do so#laying like those feratu in bed waiting for the sniffles to pass. what book to read. what book to read.#im back in ouro mode so that's been fun at least. unfortunately it seems to kill my motivation to read. ass.
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Finally got enough energy to talk about Furina's SQ and while I loved her and the troupe, MC and Paimon were .... Not Great. I talked about this with friends but in Paimon's case especially, the way they interact with Furina feels like people who just don't understand trauma and depression and then engage with someone suffering from both in all the wrong ways.
Talking about how much of a downgrade her house is from the opera house, making fun of how she can't cook, pushing her to act when she's set a very clear boundary and then guilt tripping her after she's stuck to her guns, shaming her for not being able to fight well (Paimon literally talks about how second hand embarrassment is overwhelming and I'm just like ?????), telling her she's "not acting like herself" when she attempts to open up and be vulnerable....it's just really rough. That and the MC asking "is something wrong" when Furina gets sad over Poission ..like bro people died and she couldn't save them and she's tearing herself apart over it. Those people are never coming back and you know it and you have the gall to ask her is something wrong??? Of COURSE there is!!
It just feels especially odd because we literally get to see all of Furina's suffering and Paimon in particular is. SO mean? Like she was more understanding with Wanderer and Ei and THEY'VE tried to kill us multiple times!! I don't get it, and honestly I'm very proud of Furina for refusing to waver. Let her rest!! She's tired and depressed and she needs time to heal; and honestly fuck Paimon for trying to make her feel bad. Furina's worked harder than she EVER will.
#as someone with depression and who's highly sensitive this story quest hurt a LOT because ive also encountered people who don't understand.#i've been told i need to get over my anxiety. i've been asked what am i so tired from since i just lay in bed.#so furina's character and how she was treated hit very very hard for me. she's isolating herself and not coping well but she is TRYING.#she's trying so hard and she equates her worth to her role. like she literally tells you that she serves no more use to anyone.#and i wanted to shake her so hard. because it's not about what she can do#she has worth simply because she exists. full stop. she is loved and she is appreciated just for being herself#her worth isn't decided by her power yk??#i hope she can rest and heal and find some good friends - after the way mc and paimon treated her i honestly don't think they should be#or if they are; they'd have to work to earn her trust cuz good LORD. they treated her so weird and so tone deaf!!#i've seen a lot of people complaining about it too so im glad im not alone.#anyway. there is something wrong with me i have cried actual tears over furina please god she needs a hug#and to be told she did a good job and she can rest now and things will get better#4.2 spoilers#genshin impact#furina
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What I hate the most is that I can spend like 90% of the work day telling myself all the things I want to do when I get home and I’ll feel like I’m going to have the energy for it, but then in that last half of that last hour all my energy and motivation shrivels up. What I thought would be a nice evening where I get a few things done and then relax instead turns into a depression nap followed by a low effort depression meal, disassociation, and eventually bedtime
#maybe it’s seasonal depression maybe it’s my adhd meds wearing off#its probably a combination of a bunch of things#but like I was hopeful about what I would get done tonight#and now I just want to lay in bed and cry#and like nothing happened to make my mood change
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Fwb with Oliver who expects he’ll have to break things off once you get too attached but it’s worth it for a little fun except u never get too attached in fact ur the one who has to tell him it’s over bc he’s gotten too clingy
#I’m thinking I’m having thoughts#my avoidant attachment comes out soooo full force w bllk men it’s crazy#but anyways…..u meet u hook up once#u think it’ll be a one time thing which ur cool with#but the Oliver proposes u make it a regular thing#it’s too good u get real slutty (and so does he) he’s not satisfied with one time#probably does some cheesy don’t fall in love w me speech#but u know what this is#except at some point lines start blurring#and Oliver starts to come over without even looking to have sex#he just wants ur company watch a movie order food#boyfriend things#except Oliver is not boyfriend material and he doesn’t think he’ll ever be#and while he knows he maybe should stop it#he can’t#cause he likes u#and maybe it has to end but he wants to keep it going as long as he can#until one day ur asking him to meet up#and telling him u don’t think it’s a good idea to keep hooking up#and the truth is ur falling for him#and u know he might be feeling the same way#but u tell him that u think he’s treating u too much like a girlfriend#u lay out the facts#he has no choice but to agree#he knew it was coming he just didn’t expect for u to be the one to break it to him#but now he can’t sleep bc he can’t call u before bed#and every time he hears your favorite song ur all he thinks about#and sometimes he picks up snacks u like when he’s out for when u come over but u don’t come over anymore#he’s never been so torn up about someone in his life#omg I reached the tag limit bye
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Anyone else have the writer blues/imposter syndrome? Anyone else feel like writing one sentence is an impossible feat?
#like everyone is so nice to me#but idk I open my drafts and I’m like#’wow that sucks what idiot wrote that’#and idk I’m just ????#I’m also not reading a ton bc idk I don’t have the energy#the vibes are off and it’s not even the first day of April#I want to write!!!#I just can’t :/#or can’t help but overthink it#or be too self crticial#idk there are so many wonderful#talented writers on her and I just feel like they’re sooo out of my league#anyway I’ll probably get self conscious about this and delete it later shout out to the one person who read all of this#I’m laying in bed being vulnerable my therapist would be so proud 🫶
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going from normal sized socks to socks with half the stitches is crazy...i already feel like im zipping along on normal socks so this is like i blink and im at the next step 0.0
#would go a lot faster if i could maybe stop injuring myself getting on and off my bed#not sure what i did to my foot but its stiff and kinda painful and noticably swollen. minor sprain ?#fucked up my knee and then continually my wrist which is whats actually slowing me down. bc like. i start getting into/out of bed#and then when im Almost safely laying/standing i fall the rest of the way#i am hoping its just migraine lack of spactial awareness being worse than usual bc the migraine is worse than usual#but you really never know. maybe if i just fall on doctors until i injure of THEM theyll listen#disability#chronic illness#sock knitting
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