#this is what happens when you don't have an irl social support system

[friendofthecrows]

Sorry for losing my mind live on tumblr.com approximately once every 2 and a half months

[just-antithings]

I need many people to realize a strong contribution to the purity discourse in media we see among young people is due to radfems & gender criticals poisoning the water supply on sites like this one (tumblr) or other social media since 2014

Seeing teens and young 20-somethings using "porn addicted", "porn-brained", "degenerate", all unironically, those are words you find in alt-right & anti-LGBTQ+ message boards.

It wasn't JUST GCs alone, but many people have been around to see them influence a generation of kids with arguments you see today like

“X in fiction causes abuse"

“x is fetishization"

"Unless you've personally gone through trauma you shouldn't write about it"

“If you HAVE gone through trauma, you can't sexually explore it"

"If you like abuse in fiction you're an abuser in real life”

Hearing kids call random (usually queer!) shippers in fandom "groomers" and "pedophiles" for ships that have been established in fandom for decades, or because of a "power imbalance" between adult characters isn't a coincidence. Hmm, I wonder what other groups use those words?

It's not solely kids alone, it is a combination of:

Online radicalization and disinformation

No spaces for kids

No internet safety/literacy

Steeping censorship in activist language,

lack of education (If you don't know red flags you can't avoid them)

COVID did NOT help

This is why ignoring it will never help, because while thankfully some people grow out of it, it usually happens to people who had some support system or breakthrough in cognitive dissonance. There are plenty of people who are becoming adults and who keep infantilizing themselves

“My brain isn't done until I'm 25, you're all predators" and they're talking to a 30 y/o

That argument is literally being used by UK government officials to block access to gender-affirming healthcare. Infantilizing adults only serves the purpose of stripping agency and rights

They're not being safe. They're not gaining skills. They're participating in a fear-fueled climate of faulty medical misinformation, keeping themselves in a perpetual childish-victim state no matter how old they get and nothing about this is healthy

How do you think a person goes through this world when they've been wholly convinced that you can tell someone is safe because they like "safe" or “wholesome" things, & people who make them uncomfortable via hobbies or interests (not IRL actions) are probably actual criminals?

[bringcal]

This was inspired due to wolfertinger666's post I've just reblogged, and will be a long one, but bare with me here.

I been on the internet like way too long and too young for my age, and I never understood spreading callouts. I don't think I ever have in my life. Before I even understood them as a tool used to socially kill trans people and push an agenda of anti-queerness, I always just thought the contents tended to be stupid, and vast majority of callouts often like to use different manipulation and deception tactics that the average person can easily be manipulated by. I think most abuse survivors can agree with me here that they have at least seen one callout in their lives where they have read and easily recognized what the person spreading the callout was doing was emotional manipulation.

I have always been that person who reaches out to the person subject of the callout to help them, and I've always been disgusted in the anti-critical thinking and pro-harassment sentiments surrounding callouts, because those are the exact same things that I've been subject to after being in an abusive relationship online.

When I talk to people victims of callouts, they often have the same fears as I do due to me being in an abusive relationship: Paranoia people are stalking you, not feeling safe to share anything, having to change identities to get away from the harassment, etc. And thats because people who make callouts and create harassment mobs use the same abuse tactics. I had to delete all my accounts, change names, interests, and stay off the internet for months to try and get away from my abuser, because he would stalk me and get others to do the same, and convinced everyone that I was the one being shitty. I stayed paranoid, and sometimes still do, that I will be "found" and messaged again even though its been 6 years since we broke up.

When you have experience yourself in this sort of thing, you realize people who change their identities to get away from callouts aren't trying to "get away" due to nefarious reasons. they just want to live and grow, they want an actual support system and to be better, and never consented to their faults being publicized, and a lot of the time their faults being put on them have never even happened, or are blown out of proportion. It started to click when you realize callouts often try their best to dehumanize the person at hand, and really try to hammer in the " born inherently evil" or "too far gone" point to get people to socially outcast their victims. It often works even with people who would normally be against that sort of thing, I notice a lot of people end up deleting the callout they helped spread later saying they don't actually care or realize how ridiculous the op is being, without realizing the op still got what they wanted. Callouts only spread if theyre able to get you to that " reactionary " level of emotion to manipulate you to just doing anything.

People don't realize that the thing theyre doing actually has lasting effects on the other person. The thing you reblog that you care about for 2 days and then forget will follow the other person forever, because TERFs and Kiwifarms motherfuckers are a different breed of passionate for harassment. My IRL bestfriend I've known for a decade has a girlfriend who made a joke 6 years ago that went viral that everyone took seriously and she still, to this day, gets messages harassing her. The joke wasnt even offensive or directed at anyone, people literally just hated her because she was a communist.

So anyways, I don't like callout posts and neither should you. Make no exception. Literally just keep it to yourself and gossip with friends. Reactionary harassment campaigns do nothing. You're one "fuck up" or one "walking into the wrong person" to getting one yourself. Don't allow callout makers to turn your brain off.

[randomnameless]

"[...] Edelgard is dead and that she will never get an education, rise above the station of her birth, or become more than a poor laborer getting taxed into oblivion by corrupt nobles [...]" aren't these issues mainly highlighted in Adrestia? With taxes being mentioned in the Hyrm paralogue (unless there are other mentions). And I know Dimitri's supports in Nopes touches on the other topics (with education being stopped by a food problem). So it's not like commoners are screwed if she dies.

TBH, being "taxed to oblivion" isn't seen in the game(s) proper save for Hrym but that's not a good look for Supreme Leader, so let's ignore that. I mean, she is running the country, and apparently doesn't bother telling Uncle to stop taxing to death the people of Hrym in the name of a guy she had in her basement for at least 5 years?

Instead... Leonie iirc complains about taxes, but when Lorenz tells her they were used to pay for Jeralt's services (and they the guy dumped everything in the nearest bottle) she doesn't push the "too much taxes!" angle anymore.

I suppose Supreme Leader's education system would work based on fruits and fresh water, so it wouldn't need money - that comes in the form of tax - to work? Unless we're supposed to understand Supreme Leader's new teachers will work for free because Hubert will kindly ask them to do so, and Doro will print books herself while Caspar will, on his own, build all the furnitures needed to get a school running.

Of course, they will do so freely, because Fodlan Adrestia became an utopia without the evil lizard lady's influence.

As for education in general, IRL (save for several states lol) people are willing to afford time and ressources to go to school or to let their children go to school if they don't have anythign "better" to do, like, idk, working to get enough money to feed said children.

or maybe Supreme Leader's Adrestia will have some sort of social minimal aid system - that isn't funded through taxes because taxes BaD - so Adrestians can send their children to school without being afraid of not being able to eat next morning thanks to that financial support?

But let's not talk too much about "semantics" and the intricacies of this totally canon version of what is going to happen after Tru Piss/when Supreme Leader kicks the bucket in non Tru Piss routes -

Anon, did you know feudalism BaD?

[liesmyth]

I love Cam and Pal and am a CamPal romance truther and it's for that exact specific reason that I hate the sixth with my entire chest. Honestly I think if you're going to make an imperialism or patriarchy argument like people do with Jod (I agree with you on that front, by the way) the sixth is actually the one it'd be easiest to do that with. Like their entire military is dedicated to having children with residents of the shepherd planets and then taking them to be raised in the house. Once saw someone say it wasn't eugenics because they're trying to diversify their gene pool not limit it and I feel like people just don't get that, in canon, they are using their military as a positive eugenics campaign. Also telling someone they can only have kids with two other people because there can't be a drop of relation between them is eugenics. Any attempt to obtain favorable reproductive outcomes through systemic control of who is reproducing and how within an adult population is eugenics! Idk I know this is a stupid hill to die on; it's just something I'm very sensitive to because I'm from the appalachian mountain region in the US, and negative eugenics campaigns from the early 20th century that promoted the stupid cousin-fucking hillbilly narrative about the region people still use today. Also, people don't seem to realize that the enormous social taboo on cousin marriage that exists in western society now is the result of early 20th century eugenics campaigns. This got very off track but I hate the institution of the sixth with an insane and disproportionate passion and honestly would have said "good for her" if BOE killed the oversight body. Also I don't care what authorial intent was to your average non-fandom reader (and I would posit to most fandom readers on first read!) their relationship reads as romantic and at that point intent becomes irrelevant. I needed to make this opinion public but I also need to stay alive so I've dumped it in your ask box. Sorry.

Ship Disk Horse disclaimer: I'm not Appalachian but I do have second cousin marriage very close in my family tree (small town Italy!) and I agree that the incest argument around Cam and Pal is weird. BUT you can't control what people find squicky, and I'm not very fond of the argument "X is actually perfectly okay IRL" to support shipping discourse. I get why you'd take it personally, but that's a super slippery slope IME.

On to the Sixth! I actually think they all employ vat wombs (unless it's for science) and their strategy is to fuck members of other Houses, not the occupied planets. There doesn't seem to be many (or at all) relationships between Houses and non-Houses people.

I don't think we know Enough about the Sixth to say they're unequivocally bad and I'm hesitant to bring up eugenics OR reproductive autonomy, because I don't feel comfortable comparing sff worldbuilding to RL systems of oppression.

That said, the Sixth's commitment to the gene pool thing leaves leaves me very ???? because it seems to be a strategy they have employed for thousands of years with no visible results. The consanguinity tables get narrower. It doesn't seem to give them a "boost" over the other Houses. So why do they stick with it? Gives me a very similar vibe to the Seventh's commitment to their ideal that cancer strengthens a necromancer despite no actual proofs. I think it's just the Sixth's manifestation of the underlying theme that the Houses are basically a zombie civilization, constantly stagnant.

I'm also wondering WTF happened to all those Cohort people when the Sixth seceded. Do they think their friends and families died in the solar flare?

Anyway! I appreciate you sending this ask but I'm going to make it non rebloggable for my sanity :D

[smolvenger]

Hi. I strongly recommend reading all the expose posts as they explain everything in detail + the notes as there’s even more victims in them. I understand that you had good intentions while making your post but please read the whole thing, our intention has never been nor will it ever be to mock or ridicule someone. We have never done that. The blogs functions as a precaution to make sure people stay away because we don’t know how else to make sure more people won’t become victims. She is extremely manipulative, she has lied about suicide, cancer, deaths etc. in the past. She even admitted to nearly everything in my DMs when she messaged me from the loki prince of darkness (now Loki king of dreams).

Everything is in the posts, read them!

Hi there.

First off, I apologize. This situation is a minefield where I fear if I take a wrong step, something will explode and someone will be hurt.

And it's so much harder on the internet where you don't have that person to your face to explain everything.

But yeah...for the sake of my peace, I decided to block them.

Even if every person is deserving of empathy no matter how toxic...I am just tired of doing all this and having to "rescue" this person and the next. And not being sure what the right step is.

So it's all alright, I am sorry that I misinterpreted it all. I also have it wired in me mentally to misunderstand social cues (plus in the internet world you can't get clues from their face/voice and you can't physically go to them and see if they are safe or get them to a hospital)

I may not understand all that's happening, but I don't want to risk my own sense of empathy and kindness being taken advantage of or manipulated or having my old wounds of losing a friend to suicide possibly manipulated for someone's gain.

I just hope all parties in this situation get some help and find some therapy or an irl support system and learn some hard lessons and grow after all that mess.

I hope you forigive me, I misunderstand things all the time.

[zeondraws]

Some longterm project I am working on

So one thing I wanna document with my tumblr is this bus story I am developing. I want it to be something special for me. Something I can just rewatch again or look at when I have time. I just have absolutely no clue how it will turn out while I work on it the next years or so. Main themes of this story will be conflicts between individuals (in this case, literally between bus characters) and how it can be solved, seeing joys in life and going on an adventure and just something that is fun for the whole family. I atleast thing there is a great lack of something inbetween for babies and adults. I mainly see bus animated content for "babies" and the other spectrum is 18+ stuff for adults mainly those who like machines. (This topic is way broader than I am writing in here, sorry for this generalised summary!). Don't get me wrong, I respect both sides, I just wish there would be more. It just feels like this niche lacks something, not in the sense of cars movie or magic school bus. But something that everyone can enjoy especially teenagers, young adults who go through difficult phases in their life and maybe can watch something that is fun and informative. Also to maybe get people interested in busses/public transport. I just notice that bus companies don't know or don't have the capeabilities to make something fresh that actually will make more people be interested in this. Or maybe I am not seeing the whole picture, I know in certain countries/parts of the world public transport is way more common and supported than other countries.

But when it comes to art related things? I don't see much, only the same stuff over and over again. Even tho I find all the artists I see to be very talented and I am happy that they do what they love. Now before I dwell so much on this, I shall write a bit more about my project; I am documenting everything on my toyhouse, usually only my friends that I trust have access to the character pages, because I don't feel comfortable for strangers to read them. And here is the current list of characters I added in there.

The thing is there are some more characters missing in there and I have to figure out how much I can flesh them all out. (Excuse me for calling the folder Bussy lore, I just find it funny)

And here is an example of a character page

Might not be the most prettiest out there but I can pretty much put everything I need onto it and just check it again whenever.

I love keeping everything visually seperated, toyhouse is a good website for that. Previously I wanted to have two seperate "stories" take place, "Main Story" and "Offworld Story", but after a while I figured that I found the Offworld concept much more interesting than Main, so I figured I will merge them together. And with that I will call the Story "Offworld", this referring to what happened to the busses:

Vehicles who were test subjects on a "planentary lab" to test Artifical intelligence on, basically trying to see if those vehicles are self aware or not. And if they can develope a "social life" between each other. To check if they can feel complex emotions like humans can and what not. All that jazz, imagine that ex machina movie but with a different approach? I might try and watch a bunch more movies about AI/Machines to further grasp what how other authors deal with this topic. Tho with school I often don't have much time on my hands. This here would be how this Offworld would look like:

The planet in the foreground is called Castor, at the back you see the "planetary lab". Both are located in the Andromeda Galaxy in the Wallace's System. Well that system doesn't exist irl but I just made my own. You can see that the lab is kinda broken, it basically got damaged when the enemies of the owner of this lab attacked them. Now of course it might be strange to say that they tried to steal an entire planet but I'll figure it out eventually.

This planetary lab originated from Zeon's System, both of theses systems are far away from each other. It's mainly a problem that the owners of said lab are unable to locate it, thus the busses being "stranded" in a dangerous enviroment and having to settle on this new place. Plock, one of the bus characters, takes the lead to build a new home on Castor and gather enough materials to fix the lab and find their home again. It will take quite a while before they establish contact again, pretty much 30 years of waiting. While the busses wait they face many conflicts. This is where I could try to incooperate a few themes into the story, how they interact with other civilisations, with each other, with their world and with the lab. I would focus on a few busses especially, Milos who is the son of Plock and who is supposed to take over once his father is no longer. Putting him under great pressure and strictly raising his son so he turns out "perfect".

Other busses I would mainly showcase are Edwin, Alyx, Helene, Solange, Ellen & Marcin and Alondra.

Some other busses would be more like side characters, them being Romy & Mallory, Steffan, Althea, Ikarues and so on Some of the busses on my toyhouse will not appear in Offworld, mainly duo to unforseen circumstances that happened in "Main Story". One Character I'd like to empathise is Helene (I shortly talked about her in another post), she isn't actually a bus, or well wasn't always a bus. She is actually the Central AI of the planetary lab and would basically guard it from any hostile entities entering it. Her original form was a mechanical centipede that stands over 30m tall. It used to have a somewhat deer shaped head

I know this sketch is a bit rough, I drew this waaaay back in 2018? And the design stuck with me so I made it be a part of her original form, tho her ref is not in the works yet. I am currently working on a huuuuge ref sheet for Milos. At one point she took notice of the "Bus/Sentient AI Project" and wanted to partake in it, so she implanted a part of her conciousness into a bus. And pretty much lived alongside them for years. She developed her first "crush" on a bus named Ikarues and slowly began feeling more alive. Mainly because she was able to live among sentient beings who were similar to her, usually she was surrounded by humanoids and guarded this planet on her own for over a millenia. At one point she would change her centipede form to have a "bus head" removing her old deer head.

I am actually interested in properly developing her centipede body some more the coming weeks, I drew this piece quite a while ago to some specific part of the story that might be scrapped, I have to see.

She will definetely be one of the important characters in Offworld, I think I can do many interesting things with her, regarding her life and the amount of years she lived in solitude. How it feels to be alone for such a deeply developed AI.

I am just excited to see what I can do with this entire project, many fun things to add and explore, some topics are somewhat close to me. Especially when it comes to family and friends, and problems that arise and how to deal with them, and pretty much finding a meaning in life.

With all that being said, I will go further into some themes/characters in the coming weeks when my busy schedule allows it. Happy reading! Hope to see you soon!

[muddiestpath]

Vent about the last post (my health, not about OP)

I remember being so ill from that random stomach bug that I saw everything the same value & could recognise shapes. I barely kept down water & these nairn's fruit/out biscuits(gluten-free bc I'm also coeliac).

My room used to be next to the living room & I could hear my family laugh at the tv as I stared at the picture on my wall, thinking I was dying. I couldn't speak to ask for help. If I messaged on my phone, it'd not be seen or be met with "in a minute" responses that 60٪ would be forgotten.

It took them 3 months to take me to the Dr.

I remember once I started being able to walk to the living room, my mum (in perhaps her attempt of being positive or cheering me up) said how much slimmer I was. I had lost my muscle mass & only ate the above single pack of 4 biscuits in a day.

That was the moment I lost faith in her. The nail in the coffin of my trust in her. She was doing what most ppl do when they see an ill relative: find something to compliment. But after the year I had been through of complete isolation, where she forgot me on the otherside of that living room wall. All she saw was I was thinner & that was positive to her.

Sorry, didn't mean to zero in on my mum. They all did similar things, she just was more often overpromising support.

Now is better. I'm in a bigger room in the attic with my own bathroom & space for my rabbit to run around. I can walk around the house & garden. I can eat 2 meals some days. I am larger than I was before. Still get motion sick near instantly at shakey cameras/first person perspective games & barely manage 10min car ride. Still don't wear my glasses bc my prescription keeps changing & glasses make me nauseous (as you can imagine I now am deathly afraid of nausea & am on situational anxiety/antinausea meds). I'm short-sighted with astigmatism, not too bad most days but sometimes I get a bloodshot eye or eyestrain, I know it's not healthy but being told I have to power through the nausea to readjust to glasses... isn't going to happen.

I'm on financial support but it's not built for chronic conditions & I don't have the energy(haha) to fight the gov to pass the long promised system reform for disability aid. This support also means I am legally unable to earn any money unless I cancel my support all together. We were promised in 2018 a new disability category for cfs/me & long covid that would allow me to work when I am able. It is now buried as a "rolling issue".

I'm trying every day to do the stretches & exercises to build muscle strength back. But CFS/ME has no treatment or cure, so again it's a "tough it out" situation where most days I can't even do those stretches.

Recently a new Dr has me on thyroid supplements & I can only "hope" it helps.

But over everything. I am actually lonely! I've never felt this before. I'm a severe introvert, I have a tiny social battery. But now I'm years out of university, have about 5 ppl I talk to online even semi regularly, & I haven't seen anyone outside my family or medical professionals in those years.

I am now 30 & have no footing in meeting new people irl or online.

I want to have more friends. I want to experience what dating is like. But I have so little energy or social skills that it's it seems like I'm brushing them off. Added to the fact I'm asleep when everyone I know is online? It bites.

I want a new body with better hardware. This one is faulty. But I'm stuck in it & doing my best. Don't pity me. My family already does that.

[tdicksupreme]

like to be very honest as a nonbinary trans guy i had to manually learn how to dismiss & disregard the opinions of straight-acting men & chasers about my body, lifestyle, & presentation. being raised a girl & living as a flamboyant adult gay man is a very hard combo. i have a lot of fawn responses, history of gaslighting, & a lot of built-in teachings about being endlessly accommodating & empathetic in disagreements

i tend to date through friends & irl flirting rather than dating apps anymore for above reasons, unless i have the desire & bandwidth to deal with guys that, i know, will project their insecurities about my body/their identity/their gender on me. as a genderfluid dude with a mustache and chest hair and tits i'm basically a walking combo of their fears about their own masculinity & their own desires. when people are being shitty or misogynistic it's easy for me to feel like i need to fawn, understand, empathize, or that they're saying something about me that i'm afraid is secretly true

and it's done wonders for regulating my nervous system to view their reactions through what i know about my own masculinity (how difficult it was to separate my desires from pressure to be like a cis het man), validate my own feelings, & see their harassment in terms of a knee-jerk effort to .. like ... displace their frustration, outsource their self esteem problems, convince me i'm the delusional one & the problem in a very "fuck this bitch" sort of way. sometimes i'll literally be in my head like "god this comment hurts, it makes me afraid that everyone secretly sees me that way, and that real friendship or support with cis guys isn't possible; but it seems like he's freaking out that finding me hot might make him gay, or that he doesn't know what the word is for the type of attraction that he's feeling, and trying to make me feel like i'm the problem for it." just whatever i'm feeling in the moment, just kind of validating my emotions while assessing whether some kind of projection is happening onto me. taking inspiration from the trans girls in my life has also helped in learning how to deal with a type of harassment that, back when i was a cis girl, i just kinda absorbed and assumed was "about" me or my fault

anyway don't engage with these people, don't internalize what they say about you, recognize the validity of your feelings & also recognize that those statements are about *their* discomfort with themselves as men who have a great deal of social status relative to you & still aren't content with who they are

[ineffectualdemon]

I understand that there are young people on here around age 13 that are new to both Tumblr and AO3 and you're confused how it works because it's very different to other social media and websites you've used. I have a 13 year old. I understand the confusion

And I know on the surface the pro censorship stance of: "ban stuff that has paedophile and incest" seems reasonable

We all agree that stuff happening irl is bad! So why should stories be different?

And there are reasons it will not work especially not for an archive like AO3

1. Content about those subjects ≠ favourable. There are a lot of published works, famous works, that cover these topics in your local library. They cover these topics to challenge people to stop ignoring that these horrible things happen. To raise awareness, to give victims a voice, to help victins know "that wasnt normal and that shouldn't have happened to you". And those stories are extremely important.

Yes some authors write it to just write it. But if you throw out those stories you also throw out the important ones. And a story that seems to be romanticising to one person is something important and supporting to another

Also a lot of the more "for fun" underage content on AO3 is written by teens exploring their own feelings which will get more into later

2. As soon as people start censoring they start twisting what comes under the objectionable content. I have seen people argue that a relationship was paedophilic because one character was 18 and the other was 17. Which is silly. Or that a relationship between two adult characters was paedophilic because there was an age gap. It becomes ridiculous really fast which means...

3. ...any and all lgbtq+ content will be censored as our existence is often seem as inherently sexual when it's not. We're already seeing that happen in the real world. But queer people just existing is enough for people to want to censor us. We know this because it has happened many many many times. People call for censorship and the first thing to get censored is any mention of being anything other than straight and cis

Censorship laws and rules have always been used as weapons against the community.

It doesn't matter if they say it will be different this time. They always say that and it's always a lie

4. This is purity culture 2.0 and purity culture messes you up. When I was 13 I read a magazine at my church that was aimed at young teens. It told me that feeling sexual desire as a teenager and handling those feelings alone meant you were definitely going to grow up to be a paedophile and a rapist and that messed me up so bad.

Obviously what the magazine said was not true . It is perfectly normal to feel desire and attraction as a teenager (also normal not to. Asexuals are valid) and having those feelings doesn't make you a monster

and even though my feelings were normal and I wasn't hurting anyone I had such shame and guilt and it really fed into my self loathing and depression and self worth for a very long time. It led to me hurting myself in many many ways. And I know many other people who were hurt by purity culture. Made to feel shame over the smallest thing. I don't want anyone else to experience that

And censoring fanfiction will do that. Telling teenagers that they morally degenerate for writing fanfiction and exploring their sexuality in one of the safest ways possible is damaging. Writing for self expression including sexual expression is healthy and very normal

It's definitely not something to shame someone for

-

All of this to say AO3 will remain uncensored because it is an archive, not a curated list. It has a great filtering system that allows you to filter out just about anything and a careful reading of the tags will also help you.

A lot of authors who write more intense fiction put more trigger details in the author notes so you can make an even more informed choice or tell you how to skip any specific scenes

It is one of the best websites for avoiding content you don't want as long as you know how it works.

Now I'm not an expert but I am willing to answer any questions on how to use AO3

I know it can feel like everyone is looking down on you but I promise I'm not looking down on you for not knowing

On that I will also say for Tumblr it's pretty easy for you to filter out tags now and filtering out stuff you know will upset you makes your life much nicer

Anyway I hope this helps explain why people are so anti censorship

There are more reasons and I could have gone more indepth but I only have so much energy but I truly hope this helps

[owlmylove]

I saw in the notes of one of your posts that you have dermatillomania. I was recently diagnosed with that but it's been a problem for a long time. I've never met anyone else irl with dermatillomania, and I was just wondering if you could share any coping mechanisms you use? I've been getting acrylic mail manicures so I physically can't break skin but that only prevents damage. It's not helping me actually break the habit at all

lmfao oh darling. i love you for thinking i have any answers here

of course, since it's me, i do anyways

congrats on finally getting your diagnosis!! for those who don't know, Dermatillomania is a skin-picking disorder believed to affect as many as 1 out of 20 people, whether they're picking/biting at cuticles and nails, plucking hairs, popping pores or picking at scabs etc. etc. The skin-picking can be compulsive, often serving as a self-soothing behavior against extreme emotions, stress, anxiety, excess energy or simply boredom

first, check out the wonderful folks at the Picking Me Foundation, the largest nonprofit & digital resource for those with dermatillomania. Their website has an online support group, self-logging downloadables, and their "fiddle pack project," for strategically selected (and tailored for dermatillomaniacs [not sure if that's a word but i decided it is now]) $30 multipacks of stim toys!

they're 100% nonprofit, and every pack they sell is matched with the international donation of a pack to a therapist, pediatrician or fellow dermatillomaniac in need!

plus, check out #pickingme on social media for both their advice & solidarity among fellow picking enthusiasts

Picking Me has A++ strategic advice for their stim toys, and thinking strategically about your own behaviors and habits is my biggest advice. what does your picking look like? when do you find yourself doing it?

if a pattern doesn't immediately appear, try logging when & where you find yourself picking, what happened beforehand, and how you feel while doing so.

part of dermatillomania I don't always see discussed is the satisfaction of seeing your body's landscape change; picking as a control tactic, a means of self-soothing and reaffirming your autonomy and power. or it may be an expression of perfectionism, or anxiety, or beyond. pay close attention to yourself. look for the overlap. what is picking doing for you?

once you recognize the mechanisms of picking, what needs it's fulfilling, and when, and how; then you can provide new pathways for your habits to flow down; I realized I tended to pluck my brows (and beyond...) in the bathroom, so boom: stim toy in the bathroom. figure out your unique physical locations and cues and give yourself new options

also, hide or obstruct the ease of access to former habits. acrylic nails are a great personal block; I put my sharp tweezers in a wildly inconvenient place, not out in the open, so it's harder for me to casually grab them. if you bite your nails or cuticles, buy the nail polish that makes it taste gross. if you pick at inflamed pores, use zit stickers (I prefer the cheap and plentiful OG brand, COSRX, which are barely-visible circles, but you can make it fun with any of the 10 zillion novelty shape brands now available at Sephora, Target, Marshalls/T.J. Maxx & most drugstores) make picking difficult, and give yourself other options

similarly, you can challenge yourself to lovingly make growth your focus. smooth cuticle oil into your skin; use growth serums & your favorite-colored polish on your nails; for facial picking, give yourself spa days of clay masks (fun to pick off as they dry!), pore strips (SO satisfying), and scar-reducing facial oils like rosehip; for bodily picking, moisturize with lovely non-comedogenic oils and smooth Mederma or natural scar-reducing remedies to help your skin heal. put all that time and focused attention + love and gratitude into increasing, not reducing, your body (+ self)

re: gratitude, I swear to god Jessica Defino had a post about gratitude as a skincare routine; thanking your skin everyday for its work as a barrier, for it's countless built-in systems that self-exfoliate, self-moisturize, self-heal and grow, all while keeping a harmful world at bay. the skin is our largest living organ, and it is here to keep you warm and safe. your skin is built to touch and hold, to hug and be hugged. you can learn to love it the way it loves you. you can touch yourself as gently, as kindly as you deserve to be touched. this, too, is a kind of growing.

(Also to my facial & pore-picking beauties: just read any and all of Defino's articles about simplifying [like, soap water and moisturizer simplifying] your skincare, skin-fasting, the joys of touching your face gently, and more<333)

figure out what actions and textures you've become accustomed to, and, whether you have the benefit of a pack of stim toys like Pick Me's or just certain blankets, jackets, fidget jewelry, or one Really Good Rock, try to find stims that mimic, replace or even subvert the textures you've been drawn to. you want something satisfying and engaging to play with while still feeling meditative to you.

or if stim toys aren't your thing, (and even if they are!) try tactile pastimes that lead to obvious visual progress: painting, drawing, knitting, woodworking, cooking/baking!, cleaning [dishes, sheets, etc.] gardening, so on & so forth. things that prove your control & show the mark of your will wrought upon the world

the next time you find yourself wanting to pick (hopefully waylaid by an alternate hand function and/or strategic obstructions) take a mental step back. carve out that space between impulse & action. pool the feeling into your palms and examine it, tilt it around to see it catch a different light. how are you feeling right now? what's causing you to feel this way? what else could help you alleviate or accept that feeling?

if it's stress, anxiety, anger or other strong negative emotions, rest one hand over your heart, one over your lovely stomach, and take several deep yoga breaths. Long inhale through the nose, hold for a few seconds, longer exhale out. Let your throat make noise. After a few minutes, make a list of what’s worrying you and help yourself rationalize what tiny steps will help lessen their effects on you.

(Deep breaths, longer exhales and putting a hand over your heart have each individually been shown to alleviate your body's stress response, an immediate way to gift yourself some calm and a sense of safety)

if it's boredom; again, new textures and pasttimes are your friend. try going for a walk or other physical action of your choice (does not need to be long or challenging to be good for you!), listen to a podcast or new music, challenge yourself to try something new you've been wanting to explore, but can never find the time. a desire to pick can indicate you are suffering from a lack of enrichment: so yes, now is the time to try to learn the kalimba.

so, yes, it turns out i do indeed have many answers, but my initial scorn comes from any suggestion i might be above my bad habits; I've picked at my skin several times today. and that's okay. try to recognize and subvert your impulses when they happen, but also acknowledge and accept that they will happen. that's just how it goes babey. progress, not perfection.

love, luck and godspeed<33

[ablednt]

The implication that being plural in an ableist and pluralphobic society isn't at all disabling or endangering to anyone's safety is fucking insane to me.

If your life is unaffected by pluralphobia that's a privilege. "This isn't a problem because it doesn't happen to me" is an ignorant and privileged take. Whoever posted this either needs to stop projecting on the rest of us or needs to unlearn a ridiculous amount of internalized ableism

There are no rights or protections extended to systems. Either we manage to fit ourselves well enough into singlet society or our quality of life plummets.

Also I feel like this persons assumption of the average system is an able bodied white person who's worst consequence to stigmatization is losing friends or being bullied and not like. The huge amoumt of Brown and Black systems who have to worry about being found out as plural on top of everything else or visibly physically disabled systems who are having to hide every unacceptable aspect of themselves to avoid people using that as a reason to kill them

I'm not even out IRL but even just being openly plural online I've been stalked and harassed and have irreparable trauma from it.

Anyway here are some things that the majority of plurals do not have any rights to do either legally/economically or socially:

Cannot use/register their own names. Like imagine you go to the doctor and they tell you your name is Steve because the guy next to you's name is Steve, that's what that often feels like.

Cannot get time off for in system emergencies or any support for their inner families. I know having syskids isn't the same as having children externally but I still have kids to take care of in there? And when we've had emergencies we've had to act perfectly fine. The amount of pressure that adds to daily life is insane.

cannot explain disabling symptoms like memory gaps between alters or dissociating. The amount of systems I've heard talking about someone fetting thrown into work at a job they've never done without enough memories who've had to relearn their jobs quickly and without help is dismaying.

Protection or relief for syskids, if they don't know where they are and can't contact the rest of the system they can't find someone to ask for help grounding them or staying with them until they can get an adult to front again

Only our bodies (and even then depending on how marginalized otherwise we are not even that) are protected and sees as a human whose rights can be violated. Therapists and people with physical and emotional power over us are allowed to form entire therapies around telling us that we aren't really sentient. We have no legal rights to exist, only to silently pilot our bodies.

Like and the amount of systems who aren't with us anymore due to hate crimes and suicide is deeply upsetting. Our community is still dying and yet we're barely even fighting for our actual rights, we're still begging people to recognize us without wanting to kill us. It's insane.

Not reblogging this person cause I don't want to get into but this is absolute most ignorant take

CW ableism vvv

^^^

Have you even once considered the existence of overt systems who cannot mask at all? Who are treated as insane when they switch in public or talk to their alters out loud? People who will face direct ableist discrimination because of being visibly mentally ill and/or neurodivergent?

Have you also considered that these supposedly insignificant issues are indicative of much wider societal problems? Not being able to present as plural in public may not seen like a big deal, but it's one facet of a type of oppression that demands people conform to certain norms, or else be deemed as inherently deviant and dangerous.

And yes, frankly, I do believe that marginalized people not being able to be themselves in public is a human rights issue. Ya know, the human right to simply exist as you are without discrimination?

[the-modern-typewriter]

How do you manage to get so much writing done while also doing a 9-5 job? I feel like whenever I try and do both I get burnt out too quick

Me and burnout have a flirtatious and long-standing relationship. Lovers to enemies teetering. Lovers because I love writing, and have a lot of practice, which helps. Enemies because the things you love can still hurt you if you overdose on them!

It hasn't got me yet, because I'm quite strict about having days of the week that I take a break/don't write. While I don't have exactly what I will write every week planned out, I do have a vague sense of which days I have to write on and which days I have other plans whether for life or social to decompress. In other words - I'm lucky that my life and health is stable currently in life. If one of those went, my writing schedule would likely undergo a shift.

It's not a perfect system, some things inevitably keep getting shoved to the bottom of the list every week, but it works out okay for my mental health . At least, up until something suddenly happens IRL that pushes me and my writing schedule to max capacity. But thankfully those periods don't tend to last too long and I have a decent support system. Don't know what I'll do if I have a massive life crisis though. Depends on the crisis I guess. A hurdle for when it happens!

I also have the privilege of being more or less neurotypical. I don't say that to suggest that anyone neurodivergent is a worse writer or anything like that, just to acknowledge that it's one barrier I don't have to overcome.

Basically, there's a bunch of different things, some in my control and some not.

All this to say, really, that there's no magic trick to it. Everyone is different and that's okay. No one writer's schedule can be or should be the same as anyone else's.

[awsugar]

I love Gerard's weirdness until he gets so weird I start being concerned for his mental health and then I get worried that he doesn't have a good support system that'll keep him grounded on earth. does that make sense? and I don't mean this as a joke or in jest at all cause I know in good fun we joke about him being a hermit wizard and stuff. I'm dead serious. sometimes he worries me and that's just with what's left of his limited online presence. I feel like he's the kind of person who'd let mental illness go unchecked w/o realizing it. I've had friends get to a point, and I've gotten to that point several times too, where you just get into this episode and realize holy shit this is not normal and I need to get help. I had one episode ever in my teens when I started hallucinating and believing things that weren't real. and a manic episode for a week last summer that for half the time I thought everything was fine and then realized uh, something is wrong and I can't stop, and was flipping out and losing my mind til I just crashed. those are the 2 that still stand out to me. not saying that happens to him and not making diagnoses obviously but just using that for an example of what I mean. except I don't think Gerard is the kind of person who'd have that realization that something is wrong. and if even half the shit I've read is true, that's a whole other paragraph I'm not getting into rn, I just don't think anyone else would step in. it just makes me worried and sad cause I know people irl and there are even other celebrities who have mental illness and it gets so bad after so many years of going unchecked that just? it gets super bad. Shelley Duvall is an example, and I love her and I hope she's okay and fuck anybody who's mean to her. so yeah and I also wanna say mental illness is never ever ever a shameful thing no matter what it is and everybody with mental illness deserves love and support and to be happy and healthy and I also apologize if anything I said sounded ableist at all. I just think about it sometimes and sometimes I read things either about Gerard recently or that he's said recently that make me wonder if he's alright and I love and respect and look up to him a whole lot so it just makes me really sad cause he deserves to be healthy and happy. and if this accidentally isn't anon bc I stared at the screen wondering what to type for like 10 mins and my connection dipped out at some point please pretend it is anon <3

i think worrying about gerard is extremely valid. i do, personally. i know a lot of it is a reaction to what came did to him, and for a lot of people, not being on social media is like a GREAT thing for your mental health. but with gerard it’s just like we barely see him and then when we do he’s like generally appears like he hardly bathes or changes his clothes and his personality is different and and we’re told he like never leaves the house and it just seems like he’s hiding more than he is just trying to live life offline, you know? so yea i worry. i don’t know anything about his support system but i just hope i’m wrong and that he’s doing ok and he’s looking forward to tour instead of dreading it. i guess we’ll find out.

[antifainternational]

Im vocal about supporting antifa and now im afraid a local altright/fascist group has my contact info (email, phone, address, pictures) because they've been using my email to sign me up for alt right mailing lists and one of em send some of my holiday pictures in a string of gore-y photos in a political group chat (hes banned now) .. is there something i can do? Im really scared even though i know thats exactly what they want :/

Oh, we feel for you.  A lot of us have been in your shoes in the past.  So we reached out to some experts for advice for you; here’s what they had to say, followed by some of our own advice: “Well first of all, what a fucking nightmare. This sounds really hard and terrifying. It seems to me that yes, they already have this persons info so my recommendation would be to start wiping their info from public places and use a service like DeleteMe, if they have the option. It is a paid service. At this point the fash are already engaged in a harassment campaign so it’s likely the worst is already happening but you can’t be too careful. If they have the capacity to get a new email, I would suggest it. As well as a phone number. If they can’t get a new number or don’t want to, they can avoid answering calls they don’t recognize the numbers for. I would say that they can continue to be open about their support for antifa but be mindful of what might happen. I’m happy to help w emotional support or practical support in terms of changing contact info, getting linked up with deleteme, etc” “If you want to keep their current email address, set up a spam filter to reject the alt-right stuff, and mark it as "Spam" when it comes in. They should also set two-factor authentication on every social media account they have. If they want to remove their data from the internet, so that this doesn't happen again, have them either buy a DeleteMe package, or else follow the steps in this free 30-page guide to remove their data from every peoplesearch engine.  In my experience, if you put in about a half hour a night, you can have it done in a month or so. From what I've seen in past harassment campaigns, they don't tend to last very long. The far-right is great at conducting kind of 24-48 hour blitzkrieg campaigns, but they don't have a lot of staying power. After two days, it's usually over unless their name pops up in the news again.” In addition, we’d recommend reading this article from Crash Override, which covers how to protect yourself if you’ve been doxxed.  That probably covers you digitally, but let’s talk IRL as well, Anon.  If they have your address, you should consider moving if it’s possible.  If you are staying put, you should beef up your private security.  Install floodlights outside and better-quality locks.  Consider a home security system and/or cameras.  If you’re tight with your neighbours, let them know you’re being harassed and encourage them to call you, the police (if you’re comfortable with that), or both if they spot anyone/anything suspicious going on around your place.  Set up a code w/ friend where you can call them or text them a single word & they’ll drop everything and come running.  Maybe have some friends stay over with you for a few days; maybe even sleep in shifts so someone’s always up & keeping an eye out for stuff.  If you are in a place where you’re allowed to own a firearm, consider it; if you decide to get one, get trained up on its use. You might want to let your school or workplace know what’s up as well so they can be on the alert.  Try to not stick to your regular routines - change up where you shop, the routes you travel, the times you’re out in public, etc. to make it as difficult as possible to surveil you. If you haven’t taken any self-defence or martial arts before, consider committing to it for a year or two.  Everyone is going to tell you a different style is best for self-defence (we’re partial to kali/escrima for close-combat weapons fighting/disarming + muay thai for striking + Brazilian jiu jitsu for takedowns, grappling, and groundwork ourselves).   This is probably all very overwhelming for you.  Please take a moment to take some deep breaths, know that people have your back (even people you haven’t met yet like us!), and that in most of these cases, the threat blows over after a few days when the nazis lose interest/move on to their next harassment target.  You can get through this, Anon, and you will be safer & stronger having gotten through it!

[seraphofthesimps]

A/N: You know when they make too many movies in a series and suddenly the whole thing is shit? That’s what is happening here 🤣 This was definitely just an excuse to make a cool banner and indulge my mask kink. 

Season 1 | Season 2 | Season 3 | Season 4 | Season 5 | Season 6

Season One Starring:

Manjiro Sano aka Mikey, Everyone’s Favorite killer 

IRL Ghostface Costume: this dude wears his costume anywhere like it’s normal. Leaves you wondering if he even knows he’s wearing it half the time. This picture is him because he’s hands down making you eat INSIDE at some fast food restaurant like this. Normally masks wouldn’t be allowed in an establishment like that for safety reasons but he’s so charismatic he basically flirts his way into being allowed. His friends take this as their opportunity to also abuse the system a little and throw fries in each others mouths from across the table. They’re the loudest table in the place but Mikey is the quietest of the rowdy bunch.

In a horror movie: the charismatic, almost too perfect, killer. Enraged by the senseless murders of his loved ones, he spends his free time secretly seeking his vengeance - kinda like now but with more murder and less kids meals.

His Scream Quote: "Oh, poor Takemichi. You think this is all about you? You think you're still the star?"

Ken Ryuguji aka Draken, the "Almost Valid Except You're Committing Murder" killer

IRL Ghostface Costume: He’s that guy that creeps you out AND makes you laugh because of how serious he takes his costume. Successfully scares most of the party, whether it be from a jump scare, or by just always being in the right place at the right time. It was unintentional at first but now he’s thriving. Asks one of his friends to get him a drink and they don’t so he calls them from the across the room. When they answer he ask them if they like scary movies and they tell him to stop playing, but when draken stands up they’re running to the kitchen. He’s just too good at this.

In a horror movie: He’s the best friend of the Mac you don’t suspect. He's super serious in his mission, would do anything to succeed. Kills for the sake of others, or at least that’s what he tells himself. His cause is just so it’s hard not to sympathize for him but bruh thats murder. We all love him but only when the story is fiction. 

His Scream Quote: “You should never say ‘who's there?’ Don't you watch scary movies? It's a death wish. You might as well come out here to investigate a strange noise or something.

Takemichi Hanagaki, the “Knock-Off” killer

IRL Ghostface Costume: Remember that episode after Draken was saved when he wore that Douchebag outfit and was walking on cloud nine? If you do, then you should not be surprised he’s the one under this mask. Same energy. Legit believes he’s cool running around the party like this yelling “wassssssup” every time he enters a room. He’s having the time of his laugh entertaining himself. Someone shows up as the real Ghostface costume and he tries to turn them into some dynamic duo. The other Ghostface is not amused.

In a horror movie: He’s not the killer. He’s the comic relief. Somehow chooses the same costume as the killer - but again the Party City version that just looks goofy instead of scary - and accidentally confuses everyone. Results in a few collateral damage murders, possibly even gets himself killed, once the real killer begins making his move. 30% chance he might save the day at last possible minute, a few bodies too late.

His Scream Quote: "Well, if you're watching this tape, it means as I feared. I did not survive these killings here at Windsor College. And that giving up my virginity to Karen Kolchec at the video store was probably not a good idea."

Hinata, the “Overbearing but Supportive Girlfriend” killer

IRL Ghostface costume: Only where’s the mask and thinks it makes a unique costume. Takes pictures with phones for social media half the night. You weren’t even at the same party as her but from the amount of posts she made, you’re feel like you were with her. Can be seen being “one of the guys” or hanging out with their girlfriends, only.

In a horror movie: Starts off innocent, but ends up swinging the narrative to her killer boyfriend’s benefit by constantly meddling in his plans. Gets addicted to the thrill and when her boyfriend starts to cave, she tries to finish the job. She’s vicious. This is a killer you want to avoid, you know more than normal.

Scream Quote: "What's the point? They're all the same. Some stupid killer stalking some big-breasted girl who can't act who is always running up the stairs when she should be running out the front door. It's insulting."

Emma, the “Collateral Damage” killer

IRL Ghostface Costume: the effortlessly cool one were all jealous of. The pictures she posts on social media are quirky and everyone loves them. Her pictures are the ones that float all across Pinterest and end up getting used in posts like these.

In a horror movie: She never meant to become evil, but love has a hold on her. She wore her emotions on her sleeve and know she’s on a rampage. She kills to protect him and to keep him hers. Saves her boyfriend for last hoping he will see all that she has done for him and join her. Mid confession he says something to piss her off and she offs him while screaming through tears. Gets caught in the end and doesn’t care, she’s numb now.

Her Scream Quote: "You just won't die, will you? Who are you? Michael fucking Myers?"