#this is tremendously self-indulgent but it’s very sincere

[chastiefoul]

reassurance | zhongli

"you believe in me?"

a/n: this drabble is very very very very self-indulgent. posting this in hope that many of you will find comfort in this writing as well <3

0.5k words

☼

“hm, is that a frown i see?” zhongli walked up to you, tilting your chin up with the back of his index finger. you reflexively turned your head away, his finger that then held onto nothing fell back on his side. realizing that it looked like you were rejecting his touch you quickly said, “ah, sorry i just-“ you trailed off, wasn’t really sure what explanation you could offer. “have i done something?” he asked, his usual dignified expression crumbled into something of a concern.

“no! not at all. sorry you just caught me off guard, i was feeling a little down.” you got a hold of his right hand with both of yours, twiddling his fingers with your thumb. he sneaked a touch below your jaw with his free hand while he kissed your forehead. there’s warmth engulfed you, the tension on your shoulder relaxed on the familiarity.

“is this about the thing you told me about?” his voice was barely above a whisper, trailing little kisses on your cheeks. the feather light contacts tickled you that a soft smile couldn’t help but emerged. “yes, i’m just a little worried about the result.” you nuzzled into his shoulder, basking on his comforting scent. “i saw how hard you prepared for it, believe in yourself dear.”

you went quiet at that. “(y/n)?”

“dear, what’s wrong?” there’s still no response, until a repressed sniffle reached zhongli’s ear. “hey, look at me,” he coaxed gently. you shook your head, turning away from his gaze while still leaning on his shoulder. a sad sigh escaped him, his hand patting your back patiently. “do you?” you said, finally. “do i..?” he responded, urging you to continue the unfinished question.

“do you believe in me?”

“more than words could explain."

"-and that should tell you a lot, as someone who’s fond in teasing how i tend to exaggerate matters with flowery language.” his words were a little playful, but you could feel the utter sincerity nonetheless. you mumbled a thank you, now embarrassed by the little outburst. “now will you please look at me?” he slowly cupped your face with his hands, when that meets no resistance, he brought your face close to his.

he planted a kiss just below your left eye before gazing at you with wonderment.

“(y/n), i have faith in you.”

zhongli said with such conviction, making sure no doubt will settle in your mind. you teared up once more over such simple words yet it’s something you’ve longed to hear since god knows when. that someone had placed their trust on you. that someone believed in you. it somehow made you feel the efforts you’ve put all this time had meant something not only for you, but for someone else.

“now what did i say about tears?” he scolded sweetly, brushing away the sadness residue with his thumb. you finally cracked a smile, he follow suit. “i will say it a hundred times over if you want me to.”

“it’s alright, once is more than enough.” you returned to his embrace as he squeezed you back. the warmth engulfing you was more than an adequate sign as to how tremendous he cherished you—just as you do to him.

[toushindai]

sometimes a fic you’re very proud of gets unceremoniously booted out of canon compliance by something that........ really does not earn the right to evict your fic from canon compliance, and your only recourse is to

Decide that in your own headcanon, what you must begrudgingly call the “canon scene” was merely a dream, and

Remind yourself why you wrote what you wrote.

Anyway I still love “The Diamond” because it does a lot of character work that I really wanted to see done, and although no one asked I’m gonna talk a little bit this is fifteen hundred words long so a lot bit actually about that out of a combination of sincere enthusiasm and very poorly hidden spite.

Within twenty-four hours of completing the Meg route and learning that both relationships were fully above-board, I concluded that Zagreus would want a threesome, and shortly thereafter I concluded that if he got one, it would be a disaster. I’m speaking literally, this is not an exaggeration. Within forty-eight hours I had a rough outline of what would become “The Diamond” written up, and the structure of the encounter is basically what it is in the final draft: Zag suggests it, Meg and Than are less enthused but decide to go along with it, Than is persistently awkward about the experience that Zagreus and Megaera seem to have with navigating each other, though he makes a gallant effort anyway which is interrupted by a reminder that Meg is still there, watching all of this, and the encounter falls apart.

As I began to flesh the idea out, I really became interested in exploring just... a number of different complications, a number of different tensions that to tell the truth I had expected to be present in the relationships based on the antagonism displayed by both Meg and Than early on. It’s clear that, canonically, they sorted out their differences somewhere out of Zag’s sight. And I have no objection to this, really. But “The Diamond” became about forcing the two of them to face their permissiveness towards the other relationship in close quarters, and to experience tension and discomfort that they may have shrugged off originally. They are each different things to Zagreus—this is a canon line, I just wanna emphasize that that’s a canon line, not something I came up with in a dream once—and in “Diamond,” I wanted to bump those two things up against each other and have them clash in ways that were awkward for everyone involved. Not wrong, not even unnavigable in the end, but awkward in a way that should be faced rather than looked away from. Thanatos, not just an uncomfortable outsider to the D/s dynamics that are so natural and inherent to Megaera’s relationship with Zagreus, but also watching the two of them follow familiar steps and feeling inadequate compared to how well they know each other. Megaera deciding that she is best suited to lead the encounter but in the process of giving Than space to play along shunting herself off into a corner, from where she feels awkwardly left out, and in her attempt to reintegrate herself into the scene by trying to take charge as comes naturally to her, shattering the entire encounter. Because the fic was strictly from Thanatos’s POV, I didn’t get to highlight this quite commeasurately to how strongly I felt it, but both Meg and Than saw glimpses of the shape of the other relationship and wondered, is that something Zagreus needs? Is that something he can’t get from me, does that make my relationship with him lesser? I saw a failed threesome as a perfect encounter to force them to have these thoughts.

(The answer to these questions is of course that neither relationship is lesser; they’re just wildly different, and for Zagreus, with his heart so full of love that it constantly overflows, to have both is beneficial to all involved. Maybe more strictly canonical iterations of the characters can understand that more easily, without having to question it. But where’s the fun in that? I want to see them working through it.)

The other big tension I wanted to put these characters through is... eh, it’s a combination of communication and respect issues. Like I’ve said and will keep saying, it’s pretty cute that Meg and Than sorted themselves out, and certainly that’s preferable to either relationship being secret or even just having to clear surprise polyamory with them after the fact, but at the same time... it is a little weird to me that Zagreus was excluded from the conversation. And so “Diamond” became about how Megaera and Thanatos think about Zagreus, and how they need to do better about that. Zagreus thinks, sincerely, that this will be great fun for everyone involved!. Neither Megaera nor Thanatos agrees, but how is Zagreus supposed to know that when they gripe amongst themselves and agree to go along with it? He gives Thanatos really a number of opportunities to back out, but Thanatos just grits his teeth and treats it as here Zag goes, being unreasonable again, and there’s nothing I can do to stop him. Megaera’s attitude is similar. They both fail to show Zagreus the respect of communicating their actual opinions to him. He’s right to be hurt by that, at the end of the main chapter.

And I wanted to show Than and Meg making this mistake, together, because I feel that even canonically, even with both romances complete, both of them take the attitude that they are reasonable and he is unreasonable. Their adherence to the order of the Underworld and the House is something they are doing that is morally good, and his defiance is something that is morally bad, and they’ll both permit it because of his circumstances and because, mortifyingly, they’ve both come to care for him, but even so that is taking the attitude that they are in a position to permit, to allow, and that his actions are the aberrance. And you know what? That’s a shitty attitude to take with anyone, let alone your boyfriend. I wanted them to face this hurting Zag, and moreover making things wildly uncomfortable for them, too—so that they could see the truth of what a negative stance that is, and repent of it. Decide, consciously, to do better.

And then the last thing I wanted to touch on was an idea that, bluntly speaking, Zagreus is better and more practiced at wanting things. Megaera and Thanatos have been living and working for aeons in this environment where what they sincerely want is the last thing they’re able to take into consideration when it comes to what they must do. Zagreus... lives and has worked in this same environment, but because of whatever quirk of personality, he refuses to sublimate himself. Prior to the game, it seems, this mostly took the shape of just not doing what he wasn’t motivated to do; but now, during canon, Zagreus is going after what he wants no matter how many times he fails. No matter how many times his father or the fates themselves tell him no, he is going to keep trying. And I wanted to look at how this is foreign and overwhelming to Meg and Than, how they might even reject it at first because it’s so foreign—but also how they are drawn to it. How it’s something liberating, how they might learn from it and become more fully themselves. More honest, more relaxed, happier. If only they take the step of admitting that they are in the wrong here, and that they’ve been stifling and harming themselves for a long, long time and calling it justified.

(That post about what your favorite Hades ship says about you has my number so thoroughly; why, yes, I am bisexual, and yes, I do live and breathe for repressed characters letting down their guard for exactly one person; and yes, I am a fan of men getting p—wait, that last bit’s not relevant here.)

I’m ready for 1.0, I think. There’s been a lot of post-clear content integrated into the game without the ramifications of a true clear—one that doesn’t involve the storyteller killing you in increasingly aggravated ways, whatever that’s going to look like—actually being incorporated. And I’m hoping a true clear involves a little more tension. Not permanently, not in a way that breaks some of the happy endings that are already in place. But in a way that makes the characters work for them a little more, in transition. Who clings harder to the status quo, which is broken but has been stable? Who fights a little more against the good that Zagreus is doing by pushing back? What prices are paid for breaking things so that they must be rebuilt better? I want to see these tensions. The game starts in an untenable place and asks hard questions, and I hope that the mechanical difficulty of the escape process isn’t considered enough to have earned emotionally easy answers. Because complication is what I’m interested in. Complication, and characters deciding that it’s worth it to put in the effort needed to address that complication. That’s why I wrote “The Diamond” and that’s why I’m proud of it.

[volterran-wine]

Alec & Jane and their relationship with Aro.

From Anonymous: “Hi! Reading your writing and your rules of requesting made me wonder about a thing : we know Jane and Alec see Aro as some sort of (more or less) fatherly figure. How do you think they'd react to him finding his mate outside of the Volturi ? I'm kind of puzzled about this so it would be very interesting to have your input on this if you have the time. Thank you for your blog and for all you write here. I hope you have a good day :)”

My first question about Alec and Jane! And my first more general question! What an exciting evening this is turning out to be. There has been a lot of love for the kings so I’m glad to see someone remembers the twins.

𝐀𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬, 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐰

Much like dear anonymous says in their question, I think Alec & Jane do view Aro as a parental figure. It would be difficult not to. He literally saved their lives from an excruciating death. That sort of action, regardless of Aro’s motivations would inspire a lot of respect from someone. Being 12/13 years old (especially in the time of history they are from), they are capable of comprehending what a tremendous thing Aro did. 

The age they are frozen at is the time where you might get some agency of your own, but you still need a parent to guide you through things. I think in the beginning they would seek out Aro a lot, and because he was the one to turn them; Aro would feel quite responsible. 

Since this is my blog, and we like to put on some rose coloured glasses sometimes. I do believe they might have slipped up at some point and called him father. Which I’m sure was quite the emotional roller coaster seeing as though vampires feel things at a heightened level. I think Aro appreciates the bonds he shares with Alec & Jane. They are quite unique in comparison to all the other relationships he has.

My self indulgent headcanon is that the twins call Marcus and Caius Uncle. The term “Uncle Caius” just makes me giggle. 

Now if Aro found his mate outside The Volturi... I think the twins would be quite protective of him. Who is this person trying to get to Aro? and what the hell do they want? 

I do headcanon The Volturi as being quite private, no one truly knows the members on a personal level unless you are a part of the coven. Or at the very least has spent a lot of time with them like Carlisle did.

Alec & Jane are two of the highest ranking guards, as well as sharing a deep personal bond with Aro. Besides his brothers I think they might be the people that will need the most convincing. Remember, they are still children. And there is nothing more fickle than a child. If they make up their mind, they make up their mind.

Aro would probably have to ease his mate into this whole thing, quite slowly. Making sure all the most important people in his life will be treated with the respect that they deserve. That goes for both Alec & Jane and his newly found mate.

I think with time the twins could grow to accept the situation. As long as they see that Aro’s significant other can be trusted and shows him the respect they think he deserves. To get on the twins good side I imagine this mate would have to be 100% sincere in their approach. They need to be interested in Alec & Jane based on their own feelings, not because they think it will please Aro. 

All in all I think the twins are both very protective of themselves and Aro, so if you intend to get close you would have to prove yourself. 

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hello! Enfp 21F female here…one thing I’ve noticed about myself is the desire to use my tertiary Te a lot. I’m not the best at it but I do consider it a hidden “gift” of sorts that helps me get stuff done - even if last minute or not of great quality, it still helps tremendously. But I still have a LOOOOONNGGG way to go to curb my procrastination habit...

________________________

You can't stop a bad habit like misusing Te if all you can think about is how much you WANT to do it. The first step in stopping a bad habit is acknowledging the FULL extent of why it is BAD for you. I'm not seeing much deep reflection on the negative consequences that you incur by indulging this bad habit.

Using the tertiary function isn't inherently bad in and of itself. What you need to examine more deeply is your true underlying reason for using it, psychologically. Are you using the tertiary function merely to serve your ego, which just brings out the negative aspects of your personality? Or are you using the tertiary function in a way that brings out the best of your personality, in terms of allowing you to better utilize the strengths and advantages of your dominant and auxiliary functions?

It is relatively easy to identify an unhealthy tertiary function. All you have to do is determine whether it is inhibiting auxiliary function growth. Fi is about having clearly defined moral values, the kind of values that encourage honor, integrity, sincerity, and authenticity. It sounds like your personal values amount to nothing more than admiring and aspiring to meaningless and superficial images of achievement that an infantile Te defines as "success"?

It's hard to feel like an honorable person, even if you've done what is expected of you, when you know full well that you haven't given your best. It's hard to feel like a person of integrity when you keep making decisions that harm or damage your long term well-being. It's hard to be sincere in your intention to do better when the reality is that you would rather just take the easy way out. It's hard to feel like you're living an authentic life when you keep striving to be something you're not (e.g. a Te dom).

These negative consequences of using Te tell you that Fi is unhealthy and in desperate need of development. Without healthy Fi, ENFPs end up very shallow, self-sabotaging, and self-loathing. Perhaps it's time that you reflect more carefully on what your values are, what they should be, and what kind of decisions you need to be making if you hope to become a better version of yourself. Until you possess the strengths of Fi to guide you properly, you have nothing with which to guide proper use of Te.

[scribblingplace]

Griffin x Reader Number 5

It’s a good thing you’re a light sleeper.  It means that the sound of something, someone, knocking on your window is enough to rouse you before it becomes enough to rouse the neighbors. 

Griffin shows up in the middle of the night with a surprise.

It’s a good thing you’re a light sleeper.  It means that the sound of something, someone, knocking on your window is enough to rouse you before it becomes enough to rouse the neighbors.  

Thump.  Tap.  Knock.  You stir vaguely and your eyes flutter open to the darkness of your small flat.  

What on earth could that noise be.  You blink a couple times trying to force yourself into alertness as the volume increases.  

“Wake up!”  A voice demands, then after a moment's pause “Please get up.  This is important!”  

You know the voice immediately.  

“Griffin?”  You mutter, pulling yourself into a sitting position, lighting the bedside lamp as you do.   

It’s a good thing you have a fire escape.  It’s a good thing you have tolerant neighbors. He's almost shouting now.  

Not that this is entirely new, he’s shown up in the dead of night before, often a little tipsy, frequently furious.  But his tone right now.  It’s brimming with excitement, it borders on elation.  

It’s a strange enough change that you think you might still be dreaming as you wrap yourself in your robe and stumble to the window.

And there he is, bandaged, goggled, fully dressed.  

Normally he shows up without all the artifice. Completely invisible, completely...Well it doesn't matter, you've started keeping a change for him to avoid the inherent awkwardness of him never having trousers.

"Come on with that latch, I've something tremendous to share."   

You do as instructed, watching him bounce on his heels in place, fingers drumming impatiently on the sill.   

And then, before it’s even all the way open he’s barrelling through your window.   You have to stifle a laugh as he struggles for a moment in his excitement.  He's almost too big for it in the first place.  A fact you’ve never realized before since you’ve never been able to see it..  He bumps his elbow and lets out a curse.  For a moment you find yourself worrying if he’s ever hurt himself before..  

You give him space as he pulls himself through, stepping back and lighting another lamp in the process.  

Once he’s in he adjusts his gloves, goggles, collar.  Picks up the hat that's fallen, or rather bends too but you interrupt him.

"Well, what is this tremendous thing."  

"Yes ah-"  He continues to fidget with his gloves as he lets out a soft laugh.  "Hold these for a moment would you?"  

He pulls them off deliberately, you think he might be looking at you to gage your reaction as you take them, but that’s not what has your attention.  It takes you a moment to realize what you're looking at as he holds them out to you and you let his leather gloves clatter to the floor.  Instead taking his hand in yours, his visible hand.  

You open your mouth to say something, but manage nothing articulate, wondering again if you’re dreaming.  Should you ask him to pinch you? You examine his hand, turning it over in your own, he indulges this and lets you.  Even as you push up the cuff of his sleeve to see more of his arm, half expecting some kind of trick. That it'll fade off into nothing.   

They are more or less what you expected, calloused knuckles, a plethora of healed abrasions, tiny knicks and scars.  The nails are short and uneven and you briefly wonder if he bites them.  

After giving you a moment to acclimate he clears his throat to call back your attention.  "Try not to drop these.  They're a damnable nuisance to replace if they crack."

He hands you his tinted spectacles and you look up, momentarily taken aback by his eyes, startlingly red even in the dim lighting, your heart skips a beat when the corner of his eyes crinkle up in a smile.  Staring at you expectantly.  

"You-” you start, a little steadier, but not much.  “Your face- You have one!"  You can't contain yourself, clapping your hands together in astonishment, shouting excitedly before remembering the hour.  

"Well, yes."  He laughs, perhaps it's the obvious statement or just the general  mood of the evening. You can tell he’s smiling again.  And it comes as a surprise how much easier this is with expressions to go off.  

   "Though it's-"  He falters, and the smile fades from his eyes as he looks away, suddenly nervous.  "I should apologize for the state of it."  

You can’t help but quirk a questioning eyebrow at that.  You weren’t expecting any face, not tonight, not ever if you’re being honest although you’d never tell him that.  So whatever he’s hiding under the remaining wrappings.  It’s not as if it can be a disappointment.

Still he takes a deep breath and shuffles nervously before something seems to come to him and regains that earlier confidence.  He holds up a hand to point to you.  

"Close your eyes.  This deserves some build up."  

"I'd say so."  

You do as instructed, and listen to him talk as he presumably removes his bandages.  

"As I was saying, I'm a bit of- I really need a haircut.   And I should have shaved.  And you can open your eyes."

You do and take him in.  You've tried to piece together a face for him before.  And to your credit it's not far off, squarish jaw, round nose permanently bent out of shape from some scuffle or other and scruffy, he wasn't overplaying that.

He’s sporting an uneven coating of beard, and his hair, which strictly speaking is too long for a man, is plastered to his face with sweat from the bandages. He's flushed so that the rest of him is almost as red as his eyes.

And still smiling.  Nervously waiting for some judgement, bare fingers drumming against his leg again.  It is immensely and immediately endearing.  

"Well?"  

Once again words fail you.  But this time you have a back up plan and launch yourself at him.  Throwing your arms around his neck to kiss him properly now that you can finally see his mouth, which you’ve decided, is an excellent mouth.

Perhaps you’re too enthusiastic, he stumbles back with a yelp and you end up in a heap on the floor.  

“That was my eye!”  He grouses.  “How do you always get my eye?  You can see them now!”  He’s trying very hard to sound exasperated, he’s also trying not to laugh, you succumb to a fit of giggles first.  Apologizing through your laughter.  “I’m just bad at kissing I guess.” 

You get off him as he pulls himself to his feet.  “We can work on that.” He says before helping you up as well.  

Griffin takes your chin and tilts it up then leans down to kiss you properly.  Fortunately his aim is a little better than yours. 

“See, vast improvement.”  He says as he pulls away, and you can’t help but notice he’s roughly the shade of a tomato now.  You’re certain you’re blushing too so it really does make you feel less self conscious.

Not that you didn’t know he was easy to fluster, it’s just.  Nice to see.

“You look wonderful by the way, really, just, terrific.”  

A look of skepticism flashes across his face as if he doesn’t quite believe the compliment.  You decide to change the subject.  

“How did you manage it?”  

You see him puff up, he always does this, inflates visibly when he’s about to talk about his work.

And then he launches into it, you plop yourself down on the bed and struggle to pay attention as he paces the small space of your flat, excitedly explaining the details of his process, tossing of chemical compounds with more syllables in their names then fingers on your hand.

Ordinarily you can follow well enough but right now you’re only half awake and he’s talking so fast you...you can’t think of a decent metaphor.  So you’re just trying to nod at all the right moments.

“Of course you’re the first person I’ve told.”  He says, finally done explaining the lengthy and painful process.  “The first person I wanted to tell.”  

He plops himself down next to you and the bed creaks a little under him.  “Really you’re the only person I wanted to tell,” he says, taking your hand as he does.   

There’s a moment of silence after that, Griffin seems to consider saying something more.  

“You know you’re terribly important to me.  I’m not sure I say that enough.”  It’s a startlingly sentimental thing to come out of his mouth.  But then it is such a special occasion.  He doesn’t give you much time to digest it.  Or respond for that matter.   Maybe he regrets the moment of sincerity because he bolts upright with a sudden announcement.

 “Come on, let's go.”  

He’s still holding your hand as he moves towards the window, dragging you along with him.  

 You pull your hand away from him, since there’s a slim chance he might drag you all the way out if you don’t.  

“What?  Go, where?” 

He looks flummoxed, as if he hadn’t considered.  “You know, out.”  He says, waving a hand idly in the direction of the window.  “Just.  Out.”  

You sigh, looking between him and the window and the door.  “It’s late, there’s nowhere to go.”

Griffin frowns, brows furrowing as he considers this point.  “ I’m certain we could- even if it’s just for a walk.”  says folding his hands behind his back to pace your flat again, seeming very much like a caged animal.   

“The where of it is utterly inconsequential.”  He continues.  “I just, I want to feel some fresh air on my face, go about without being gawked at, no, they’ll still gawk.”   

He pauses a moment, pale brows furrowing in momentarily frustration before he carries on.  “They’ll gawk less at any rate.  But dammit I want to celebrate!  Please, just for a little while.”   He turns his attention back to you, voice an expression softening as he does. 

You stifle a yawn even as you feel your resolve to get anymore sleep tonight melting away.  This is an occasion after all.  And he looks so earnest, standing there, shuffling from foot to foot, all nervous energy and excitement.  

Impossible to say no too.  

“Alright, give me a minute to get dressed, I’m sure we can find something to get up too.”

[venuskind]

"The love force is a powerful, masterful, complete expression of life in the universe. It is both the substance and the movement of everything. In the human being it combines feelings, intelligence, physical being, and the spirit. Love moves in a spiral from the core of each human being, fusing, connecting, and vibrating energy and consciousness. As an emotion, love must be mediated and moved by reason and will. Love cannot be expressed by a human being without action. Love also is pure reason and intelligence, but again it cannot move, open, or develop unless the person commits himself to love through his will. ... Love's force and movement is characteristically balanced. It is firm and tender, honest and sincere, self-disciplined. In imbalance, firmness becomes in many ways self-hate. Tenderness becomes weakness and indulgence. Men and women who hate themselves are in prison. Hate equals illness; love equals health and truth. To experience love, one must first experience, understand and dissolve the illness. To reach a state of love, one must first probe for the truth of the love force in its distortion of hate and separation. One must find where he rebels against life. By discovering and accepting all that is in oneself, one creates the possibility for love to express itself naturally and organically. .. In its essence, love is a state of being, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. The person who can emit this tremendous love force becomes very intelligent. The person can be patient, wait, and choose. The loving person is not rebellious, but accepts the heart. The heart is two curves coming together, sinking into each other and fusing. The heart is not two counter forces that stop each other. The heart is a flaming jewel of life that has beautiful colors, emanates waves, and inundates the human being with messages. It is in effect a state of creation." ~ John Pierrakos, Core Energetics

Image: Universal Love by Linda Sannuti

[gaycrouton]

Bumpy Ride

She knew she was going to be the one who would have to sit on someone’s lap, it only made sense because she was the smallest and lightest, and realistically, she knew that someone was going to be Mulder. NSFW

It had never been a dream of hers to carpool with the Lone Gunmen, but honestly it had never been for this reason. Their van was just as messy as their homebase was - a chaotic organization of miscellaneous items that only made sense to them. Because of this, the entire back row of their van was filled to the brim with odds and ends items and they insisted it would be impossible to move them all out without it 'taking hours'. She believed them too. However, that left them with four seats and five people.

"You can sit on my lap," Frohike offered with sincerity as genuine as it was suggestive.

"Why don't you sit on Mulder's?" she deadpanned, ending his inquisitions right then and there.

She bit her lip nervously as she looked into the middle panel of the van that was open and revealing two seats that were taunting her. Realistically, she knew she was going to be the one who would have to sit on someone's lap, it only made sense because she was the smallest and lightest. However, she couldn't help the instinct to resist that flared up within her. Langley insisted that he had to drive, there was no way in hell that she'd ever help Frohike live out one of is fantasies, and the thought of sitting on Mulder's lap made her feel like a timid schoolgirl. She half contemplated asking Byers, but he was already getting into the car as if the answer went without contemplating.

Which, honestly, it did and they all knew it.

"Hey, um. I could always just kinda, uh, lay in the middle," Mulder rambled awkwardly, clearly not wanting to make her uncomfortable.

She was endeared by his sweetness, and touched that he was avoiding all the innuendos that were undoubtedly running through his head. With a sigh, she pulled at the short skirt she'd worn today before gesturing for him to get in. "Tell me if I make your legs fall asleep."

He gulped audibly as Langley snickered at his discomfort. "I don't think any part of his body will be falling asleep with you-"

"Shut up, Langley," Mulder murmured as he bent into the van and took a seat, looking back at her as if to make sure she was actually going to follow and that she wasn't just playing a joke on him.

With a sigh, she stepped in, pulling the door shut behind her as she precariously sat on the very edge of Mulder's legs, practically all but resting her weight on his knees. Frohike looked longingly back at them as he slid into the passenger seat while Byers awkwardly buckled himself in the seat across the median from them. "Um, Scully," she heard him say from behind her.

She turned to see he was offering her the seatbelt which she took and immediately couldn't pull any further. Of course.

She slid back so that she was on the middle of his legs, not too high, but apparently from the way the belt continued to catch, not high enough. "Seriously Scully, I could take a taxi-," he started.

"Shut up, Mulder," she warned as she sat all the way back so that her back was flush with his front and she could feel the part of his body she was trying to avoid. Already, Mulder? She twisted to get the seatbelt to extend again, tugging on it so hard that her whole body jerked until she was able to freely pull it and buckle them both in.

During her attempts, she felt Mulder's hands shoot out and gently grab her hips. While she initially thought it was a move to steady her, what she felt continuing to grow against her ass told her he was doing it to keep her from moving too much. He leaned forward and whispered "I'm so sorry," into her ear.

She leaned back so that hopefully only he would hear and murmured, "It's okay. It's not your fault."

The gunmen, oblivious to what was happening, wheeled out of the parking lot and continued blabbering on about random topics she wasn't following along with. All she could focus on was how Mulder's body felt against her own. "Langley, are you trying to kill us?" his strained voice called out after a few too many rough bumps.

They'd only driven a few blocks, but she could already tell this was going to be hard for him. Literally. Every sudden movement sent her rocking back into him, the flesh of her ass firmly rubbing against his budding erection. The grip of his hands on her hips tightened tremendously and she could feel him trying to push her away and keep her weight from falling back on him, which was quickly turning out to be a fruitless effort.

"Sorry Mulder, it's gonna be a bumpy ride," Langley replied, and he almost sounded apologetic.

As soon as he said that, they hit a huge speed bump that send Scully flying back onto him, grinding his hard-on in between her thighs. She bit her lip to resist gasping as she looked out the window and tried to appear unaffected. She wasn't a nun, having a man's body - Mulder's body - pressed so intimately close to her was lighting her nerves on fire. Every bump sent a jolt of arousal straight to her core and she couldn't help but squirm on his lap in an attempt to alleviate the pressure, occasionally trying to discreetly squeeze her thighs together to get herself under control.

He had to know. He has to feel that she was reacting to this too. Against her better judgement, she turned to look over her shoulder and saw he was leaning back against the headrest with his eyes clamped shut. She could tell from here that he was trying to get control of his breathing and attempting to pretend he was anywhere else.

Her eyes were drawn to his lips as she saw him nervously bite down on the fuller bottom one. Another bump in the road had him squeezing her hips and accidentally caused her to let out a little sound. So quiet that he was the only one who could have heard it, and heard it he did.

Suddenly his eyes were open and focused on hers and she saw exactly what he must've seen as he looked at her: dilated eyes, flushed cheeks, and controlled breaths. She felt self conscious at having been caught and, while his eyes were trained on her lips, she whispered a quick apology and turned around.

Looking around the car self consciously, she saw Frohike and Langley engaged in a dispute over the radio and Byers was comically paying attention to something outside of the window, clearly trying to avoid looking at the spectacle they were creating. God, this was embarrassing.

As ashamed as she was, she loved this feeling. She didn't have to be a psychic to know Mulder felt the same. His arms had now come to encircle her waist, a sign that if it was pointless to fight it, might as well indulge. Though he wasn't lewdly pressing her back towards him, just simply holding her close. She almost jumped as she felt his head fall to rest on her shoulder and nuzzle against her neck. Did he just smell her?

Part of her thought it was odd, but the part of her that was focused on her pulsing clit thought it was hot. That must've also been the part of her that thought it was a good idea to scoot back against him and rotate her hips suggestively against him, pressing his erection straight against her groin. They both reacted viscerally to the clothed friction: she grabbed onto his hands and clutched them like a lifeline while he quietly groaned and hotly exhaled into the crook of her neck.

Another sharp turn had her careening back into him and she felt him involuntarily buck against her ever so slightly. "You guys okay back there?" Frohike asked obliviously.

"Yeah," she answered, proud of how normal she sounded.

"How much longer?" Mulder asked from behind her, not as successful.

"Just another few blocks," Langley replied, paying more attention to the CD collection on the visor than the world's most inopportune lap dance.

Of course, what he didn't mention was that the last few blocks were on gravel. Suddenly she was gyrating against him like he was a human vibrator and she had a death grip on his arms. Only, instead of holding her to him, he'd returned to pushing her away from him, avoiding overstimulating himself and finishing embarrassingly.

That made one of them.

After a few too many bumps reminiscent of her nights of self-pleasure, her clit rubbed against him just right and she was coming. In public, on top of her partner, in front of three people she barely knew beyond their pervert tendencies.

Luckily she bit down on her leg and let her head fall forward so that the other three were none the wiser, but Mulder knew. He had to. She was gripping his arms so hard she had to have been drawing blood and her entire body was shaking on top of his. As suddenly as it started, he pulled her back near him and whispered "Holy shit."

She was so worried about not letting on that she was publicly having an orgasm that she hadn't realized the van had come to a stop next to the warehouse they were checking out. With the exit of the aftershocks of her body came the sick realization of what just happened. Ohmygodohmygodohmygod.

She couldn't bear to look at Mulder, so she quickly unbuckled herself, slid out of the van, and made her way to the restroom without a second glance. Part of her felt bad for abandoning Mulder without a second glance, but she was too mortified to look back. She could faintly hear him getting made fun of for enjoying the ride too much and being a pervert.

If they only knew.

- Nicole (Twitter/Tumblr: gaycrouton)

[dicedumpling]

[Get your Character’s Natal Chart here]

Chart Data For: Ryuuju Otogi 28 February 1980 at 09:54 (9:54 am) (time zone = UTC -8) Universal Time: 17:54 Las Vegas, Nevada, United States 36°N10' 115°W8' Tropical Zodiac Placidus Houses

Introduction

The following lists positions of planets and points in your natal chart with interpretations for key factors.

Planets and Points in The Signs

Sun in Pisces  9°  18' 13"

The Sun in the chart shows our character, personal identity, and ego. It represents our will to live and our creative life force. Just as the planets revolve around the Sun in our solar system, we derive our life purpose from the Sun in our natal charts. The Sun is our “adult”– the part of us that censors our “inner child,” reasons things out, and makes final decisions. The Sun also gives clues to our overall vitality. The Sun directs us and can be considered “the boss” of our chart.

When people ask you "What's your sign?", Pisces would be your answer. Technically, though, it's your Sun sign that is Pisces, and you're made up of many different sign combinations. Even so, your Sun sign is highly influential and significant, and we're interpreting this factor here.

As the twelfth and last sign of the zodiac, Pisces contains within itself a little experience of all the signs. This gives Pisces Suns the incredible ability to identify with people from all walks of life--from all backgrounds--in some way. Pisceans are not only changeable and adaptable, they have open minds and tremendous understanding. But Pisces itself is often misunderstood. Pisces Suns may spend a good portion of their lives yearning for understanding, and the other part in a state of divine discontent. Suffering is sometimes glamorized in the Piscean world.

Sun in Pisces people are sometimes pegged as wishy-washy, but this is all a matter of opinion. What you will find behind a vaguely directionless manner is a deep, sincere person with real dreams. Their dreams are more than getting that picket fence or making it up the corporate ladder. Pisces are tuned in to a higher purpose and their goals transcend the individual. A deep love for humanity and compassion that knows few bounds is found with this placement of the Sun.

Pisceans are not known to be cutthroat business types, nor are they given to throwing themselves out into the world in an aggressive manner (unless their charts show strong indications of these tendencies). But make no mistake about it, Pisces can be extraordinarily successful when given a chance to express themselves. The arts, marketing, music, teaching, drama, healing arts... these are all fields in which Pisces can find expression. Their imagination, attunement to humanity, and remarkable intuition endow them with enviable gifts of insight and creativity.

Pisces is a sensitive sign--both sensitive to criticism and sensitive to others' feelings. Easily touched by human suffering, at least in theory, Pisces wouldn't hurt a fly. They believe in people, are deeply hurt by compassionless human behavior, and have a hard time saying no. Harsh realities are avoided either through escapist behavior or self-delusion; but every now and again reality does raise its ugly head and hits Pisces over the head. This is a sad time indeed. Pisces retreats into their own world, self-pitying and giving pep talks to themselves ("I will never trust again!"). Rest assured, though, that these periods are rather short-lived and even useful. Pisces seems to derive energy from their (generally short) bouts of self-pity. They come back stronger, with a spring in their step, ready to face the world again, and just as, if not more, compassionate and trusting as they were before. Some might even wonder if Pisces finds pleasure in suffering. Perhaps this is the case for a few, but most of the time, Pisces pulls a lot of creative energy from sadness. Pisces is the poet or artist with angst.

Some find Pisces' tendency to be late for appointments, spaced out behavior, or absent-mindedness amount to irresponsibility. Pisces would be shocked to know this, however. Who me? Pisces wonders. Irresponsible? Pisces Suns absolutely care -- their love knows few bounds -- but their retreats from ordinary life (whether they are as simple as daydreams or actual departures) that they do seem to need are not always understandable to no-nonsense signs, such as Virgo or Aries.

Many Pisces seem almost allergic to things like shopping lists, maps, directions, and instructions, and for some brave souls, even watches -- they prefer to feel their way through life than to follow a solid plan. Of course, Pisces with strong Capricorn, Aries, or Saturn, for example, in their charts will appreciate a guide map, at least.

You are generous, kind, creative, and peace-loving by nature. Your artistic sense is well-developed.

As a Pisces, you are wise, but you seem to retain a certain amount of innocence throughout life that keeps you vital and compassionate. This is because you believe -- in people, in life, in spirit, whatever it is you put your faith in, it keeps you vibrant. People appreciate you for your sense of humor, wordless understanding, and innate kindness.

Pisces vibes with Thursdays, the number 3, the colors aquamarine and variations of blue and green, opals and pearls, emerald, amethyst, silver jewelry, and the metal tin.

Your Sun sign is modified by various factors, including the aspects it makes to other planets and points, its house position, the house with the sign the Sun rules (Leo) on its cusp, and your Neptune and Jupiter signs since Neptune and Jupiter are your planetary rulers. These positions add more layers to the Sun in Pisces interpretation. Pisces is a Mutable Water sign. More on Pisces.

Ascendant in Taurus 28°  37' 12"

The Ascendant defines, in part, the first impression we make on others in a personal rather than professional sense. It represents our physical appearance, our physical bodies and overall health, and the body ego. It can be the mask or costume we wear to greet the world. It reveals our natural and personal defense mechanisms that we use to adapt to - and cope with - our environment. The Ascendant also shows our first impressions of the world around us and our expectations of same –whether we are naturally hesitant or enthusiastic, for example. How we begin new projects and our attitude towards new experiences come under the rule of the Ascendant.

Slow, steady, and capable are adjectives that we can safely attach to individuals born with a Taurus Ascendant. You are likely to possess tremendous stamina and staying power, or, at the very least, you come across as very stable and comfortable. You are often quite loyal to the people you care about, and even to places, objects, and situations. Although you typically don't come on strong, you have a strong personal presence, and you fairly radiate stability. There is also a wonderfully healing and sensual aura surrounding you.

The sign on the Ascendant reveals how individuals start or approach new things and situations. Taurus, by nature, is resistant to change as a Fixed Earth sign. It can be difficult to sway Taurus rising natives –they're often rather stubborn and fixed in their ways. Your first instincts are to feel things out in the realm of the five senses. You have a well-developed sense of smell and touch, and you respond powerfully to the material world. You adopt a practical approach to life, and you are often very methodical. Security is one of your first considerations before undertaking anything new.

You may be very cautious and careful, at least at first or in appearance. With a Fixed sign on your Ascendant, you are definitely NOT known for your flexibility. Rather, you possess determined single-mindedness. You may have been labeled the slow and cautious child in your early years. Sometimes, this placement indicates a childhood in which there was a little too much emphasis on the material world. However, you are likely to have fond memories of your early years unless Venus is very challenged in your chart.

In fact, Venus is your first house ruler, and its position and condition by sign, house, and aspect have a particularly profound impact on your life. The placement of Venus can also influence and color your appearance, mannerisms, and approach to the world around you or new situations. For example, if you have Venus in a Fire sign, you may come across as more assertive or impatient than other people with Taurus rising.

You may very well be a creature of habit. While you are a tolerant person, changes to your routine can be difficult for you to accept. In fact, one of your pet peeves is to be pushed into new situations. People have a hard time getting you to change your mind once it's made up.

More than most, Taurus rising prefers the "good things" in life. Self-indulgence can be a weakness for many with this Ascendant. You may very well be a collector in a significant way -- you place a lot of value on your possessions. More than most, you may want to own your own home or a piece of land, for example. You also thrive on physical touch.

You often avoid atmospheres that are very noisy or chaotic. You come across as quite easygoing, and, for the most part, this is true. However, you do have a breaking point, and once beyond it, you are unlikely to come back.

Security and certainty are tremendously important to you. Perhaps you take your time on new beginnings because once you set out on a course, you rarely stray from it. Stubbornness and persistence can get you places. However, it can sometimes cause interpersonal problems, mainly because people close to you can be tempted to approach you in roundabout ways simply to get their way. If this persists, relationships can become toxic. Aim for more flexibility and place more value on others' honesty and directness than peace and harmony in the moment.

You often prefer to dress in quality clothes with a comfortable feel to them. You are rarely ostentatious in your presentation. Many people with this rising sign have strong and sturdy physiques or the appearance of robustness. You tend to move in a graceful or sensual manner. Many people with your rising sign have beautiful, soothing voices. You radiate contentment and peace. While this endears you to others, at times this can lead you to feel misunderstood. There can be times when you're feeling anxious and off-center, but you rarely appear this way.

Often rather possessive in partnership, those with Taurus rising don't easily break up their relationships, or their routines and habits! Although you are not particularly jealous, you have some tendency to view your partners or friends as your personal property. Intensity and loyalty are especially important to you. You are a highly sensual person, often preferring the comforts that a one-to-one, stable partnership offers. Although you value harmony and calm, your partnerships may be on the passionate side.

You are often very comforting to be around. You radiate a certain stability that is soothing to others, as well as an inner harmony that is attractive. More on Taurus Rising.

Moon in Leo 16°  02' 25"

The Moon in the signs reveals much about our habits, reactions, and instincts. It shows how we express and deal with our emotions. Most obvious in our homes or in private, our Moon sign reveals our innermost needs. The Moon can represent our experience of nurturing; it also shows how we nurture ourselves! It's important to note that Moon signs change every 2 or 2-1/2 days, and on some days, can be one of two signs, in which case an accurate birth time is necessary.

With your Moon in Leo, you are proud, noble, and loving. Your heart is enormous! Depending on other positions in the chart, you may or may not be outgoing, in general, but with this position of the Moon, when you feel comfortable, you do like being the center of attention. That is, you love being in the "spotlight" in the comfort of your own home and with family and friends. You thoroughly enjoy entertaining others, and you often take on the role of comic or leader.

Lunar Leos often feel a need to organize, and even control, their families and friends. They have a secret mission to set things right, and generally like to oversee the goings-on in their little circle. This, or family and friends tend to assign Leo Moon people their unofficial leader or organizer.

This is a very creative position of the Moon. At the very least, you seek or want to create and entertain. You can be lazy at times, and a little bossy, too. You're flexible only up to a point, after which you draw the line. Generally, though, you have a deep need to treat others fairly and justly.

You require lots and lots of love and care to function well in the world. When you feel slighted, you can be dramatic in your emotional displays, whether you choose to brood or hold your head high. When your pride has been hurt, you can be given to big scenes and sulking. This rarely happens in public, however. Lunar Leos are far too concerned about their image to make splashy scenes outside the comfort of their own homes. In public, they prefer to take things in dignified ways. At home, however, they're less inhibited. These scenes generally don't last too long, however.

Lunar Leos are often personally popular folk who are valued for their integrity and strong sense of justice.

You can be very proud, and you're rarely happy to follow orders. Leo is a Fixed sign, and it can be difficult to change your mind or to change up plans on you at the last moment. You need time to adjust to schedule changes! You will go to bat for anyone you love, and you can be fiercely protective of your loved ones.

Generally, it is easy to reason with you, though. Appealing to your well-developed sense of fairness usually works well. You are strongly self-aware and always strive towards self-improvement. You are extraordinarily loyal to people who have proved themselves to you, or perhaps more accurately, who haven't disproved themselves to you! In truth, you expect the best from others and give them the benefit of the doubt until they prove you wrong. The same can be said of life, in general -- first and foremost, you expect the best. You're not blind to adverse situations, but you focus on the positive and strive to remain positive in your expectations and attitude. This is one of the many reasons others love to be around you.

Mercury in Pisces 20°  55' 36"  Rx

What's your style of communication? How do you make decisions? How do you pick up, process, absorb, and exchange information? These questions are answered, in part, by Mercury's placement by sign in your natal chart. Someone may be an assertive Aries, but they could also have Mercury in Taurus, with a style of communication that's slower, patient, and not quite as spirited as one would expect from an Aries, as an example. Mercury refines the Sun sign, and it helps to define how we take in--and give out--information.

With Mercury in Pisces, you're a gentle communicator with a soft touch that is pleasing and warm. You may even come across in an almost poetic way. Not given to bother too much with details, you tend to sponge up the feelings and moods of your environment. The information you extract from your surroundings can be unusual and undoubtedly unique. More often than not, it's heavily skewed in the direction of emotion and feeling.

You're usually a lovely listener and, when you get talking, a warm conversationalist. When it comes to communicating, you're moody, and this extends to your texts and emails, too. It's a kind of odd thing -- people never know when you'll be in a quiet mood or a yakking state. You don't compete for airtime, but you can talk up a storm when you're in the right frame of mind. Predicting when that will be can be difficult, though!

With your Mercury in Pisces, you're tactful because you don't want to offend others in any way. You feel out your audience and sometimes search for what you think others want to hear. Yes, Mercury in Pisces can fib. It's not because you're malicious--you just want others to be comfortable.

You may come across as dreamy and indirect. It can be hard to pin you down to any one belief or decision. It's not that you want to drive people crazy or anything--it's just that you take in so much information from the world. As well, your open-mindedness prevents you from taking a stance for too long. You have an unusual aversion to cold facts and hard decisions. Driven more by intuition than facts, you avoid list-making and the like. Others might think you disorganized, but you have an uncanny knack of finding things nonetheless. You tend to skirt detail work or avoid tying up loose ends, not to mention your mind often drifts off to Never-Never Land. Pisces is the escape artist, and since Mercury rules studying and concentration, you are not always living in the moment!

You tune in to all the nuances of subjects and environments. You pick up on subtleties of all kinds, so what you lack in organization you make up for with insight. If your Sun Sign happens to be Aries, much of the brashness and directness of Aries is considerably toned down with Mercury in Pisces. If your Sun sign is Aquarius, you're especially artistic, humane, and whimsical. If your Sun sign is Pisces, well, you're doubling up on the sign, and your creativity and imagination are boundless.

You're often vague and indirect in your communications. If you learn to express yourself with more clarity, you'll find that a lot of the problems you encounter with misunderstandings will lessen. Your sensitive nature can make you an easy target at times. Your plans may seem too dreamy and unrealistic to more practical sorts, lacking the details that make them seem viable or attainable. But your vision is extraordinary, your unusual point of view delightful, and your leaps of faith are admirable.

Favorite expression: "I believe..."

Venus in Aries 21°  58' 46"

How do you attract things, situations, and people into your life? Venus rules our sentiments, what we value, and the pleasure we take in life. Grace, charm, and beauty are all ruled by Venus. Through Venus, we learn about our tastes, preferences, artistic inclinations, and what makes us happy. We look to Venus in the natal chart to see how we approach relationships of the heart, as well as what gives us pleasure. We also turn to Venus to show how we spend our money, the types of gifts we buy, and how much we spend on leisure activities (not to mention the kinds of leisure activities we seek). Venus rules attractiveness--both the ability to attract and attraction to others (and things). Venus rules, amongst other things, the arts, love and romance, beauty and the beautifying process, money, entertainment, leisure, sensuality, and comfort.

With Venus in Aries, you're straightforward in your romantic or social life. You flirt by being up-front, direct, and even daring. You try to win others over by expressing how enterprising and independent you are. Your style of expressing love can be maddeningly "me"-centered, but the right person for you will find this approach charming. People often enjoy your aura of innocent charm, even when you are acting a little childish or impatient.

You're likely to have a fun-loving manner in love. You're turned on by energy and activity. Turn-offs include a relationship that is considered stuffy or too "mature," vagueness, and beating around the bush. In love, you can be hopelessly addicted to the conquest. For a relationship to remain fresh and new, you require plenty of stimulation. You need to see some sparks flying! You're attracted to independent, dynamic people, or that's your own style when in pursuit of something (or someone) you want.

Pleasing you in love involves fueling your need for action. Others should be direct, open, and honest with you since you don't much like game-playing or evasiveness unless it is in the full spirit of fun. They'd do well to feed your need for spontaneity, appreciate your playfulness, and understand your desire for the relationship to remain young and fresh. Venus in Aries likes to take the lead in love (even if your Sun Sign is gentle Pisces). You have many whims, and you thrive on competition.

You don't necessarily take control, but you do instinctively take the lead in matters of the heart. You don't quickly adapt to others' feelings, however. You can be demanding in love, addicted to the chase or the intense passions of the moment. You love spontaneous expressions of affection and sexuality. You're enthusiastic and attractive and possess innocent or straightforward charm. You attract by being direct and not beating around the bush, preferring to get right to the point! Your attractions are quick and sometimes short-lived. You're ardent and often hard to resist! However, you can be a little blunt and abrupt at times.

Venus in Aries Personal Ad Bio: "I have a strong sense of adventure. I will win you over. I'm self-taught and self-sufficient."

With money, you can be an impulse buyer. You're attracted to new and innovative products but would do well to wait a few days before buying because the desire can pass quite quickly. Art that appeals to you is bold and active in tone.

Mars in Virgo  4°  23' 21"  Rx

As a productive and busy person, you are goal-oriented and practical. Although you can be a little scattered at times, only because you are doing so many things at any give time, you get things done—quite well! You may have a knack for handling a wide variety of tasks at once, and a tendency to take on perhaps too much at the same time.

Mars in Virgo natives like yourself are usually not particularly aggressive by nature. Although you can be a little hard-nosed and critical at times, you rarely resort to pushing others around. Still, you might be difficult to be around if you are annoyed! Should anyone arouse your anger, you might turn into a bit of a nag. Generally, you don't make yourself a nuisance, however, so this stage is unlikely to last for very long. It is a sensitive position of Mars, however. It doesn't take much to make you nervous.

You are quite protective about your "system" for getting things done. Although rather humble in a general life sense, you can be quite particular about your methods--how you organize your things and accomplish your goals, mostly with work. Yours is nervous energy. Although you have some staying power, you can be restless and are not given to sticking with the same projects for too long.

You may derive plenty of energy and life force from the things you do--your work, hobbies, and any projects you take on. It is a sorry sight, indeed, when you are stuck being idle. Fidgety, nervous, worried...all of these things are a sure sign that you have either too little to do, or far too much on your plate. You are a perfectionist at heart. You'll be the first to deny this, but it's there! You may worry when you are not producing anything, and you worry about whether what you've produced will measure up.

There's often a shy and humble side to you in any area that involves putting yourself out there and letting go (areas ruled by Mars). But experience and knowledge are important to you, and this drive generally wins over your natural reticence. You can be wonderfully organized and ready for most anything that comes your way. People can count on you, and you're often particularly willing to help others out.

Jupiter in Virgo  4°  45' 53"  Rx

With Jupiter in Virgo, you attract the most fortune when you are helpful, honest, practical, orderly, and when you pay attention to details. The service industries, nutrition, and health are prosperous avenues for you.

You most value practical and technical knowledge and skills. You are a real problem solver and others appreciate your help. You don't always feel lucky or especially ambitious. Instead, you value hard work.

As an Earth sign Jupiter, you are a practical realist who needs to visualize results to feel motivated to achieve them. You are a “doer” who is not easily lured by get-rich-quick schemes! You are not very much of a risk taker. You need direction, clear goals, and definite plans, and you value tangible results.

Saturn in Virgo 24°  45' 46"  Rx

Saturn in our charts shows us where we limit ourselves due to fear or insecurity. With your Saturn in Virgo, you may feel limited or weighed down by work, routine, service, and attention to detail. You may feel overburdened or often left to your own resources, taking on more work than is fair. Finding the meaning or joy in your work, routines, and service is something to strive toward.

You have an excellent eye for details, but you sometimes get lost in them, unsure of your ability to piece everything together. Or, you might leave things unfinished because of a very strong perfectionist streak. If you don't finish it, there is no risk of it being less than perfect! Fear of criticism or of making mistakes can severely limit your opportunities, whether to take on new endeavors or to finish the ones you started. Chances run high that the standards you've set for yourself are too strict. Watch, too, for a tendency to convince yourself that you just don't care to get things right, precise, or accurate since this means avoiding the problem. In all likelihood, deep down, you care too much. Tackling the root of the problem with self-honesty can help you to do less fretting and more living. Digestive problems are often associated with this placement.

Uranus in Scorpio 25°  34' 11"

You're most interested in making changes, innovating, and updating traditions related to intimacy, healing, metaphysics, psychology, transformation, investigation, privacy, dependence, support, the management of resources, and debts. You seek more freedom in or through these areas, and you don't feel much need to conform! You may believe in breaking through some of the inhibitions or taboos related to sexuality, power dynamics, mortality, and self-knowledge. Despite the need for progress, you can be very stubborn and set in your ways in these areas. You may challenge authority or rules and laws in place only if you feel they are limiting our progress, seeking to revolutionize the ways we view our intimate relationships with others and ourselves, or to awaken others to new thinking in these areas. Your intuition is powerful and hunches uncannily on point. You're excited to break new ground when attempting to understand the layers of yourself, a person in your life, or a situation. Research is a talent.

Neptune in Sagittarius 22°  30' 06"

Your vision of an ideal world may center around the truth, tolerance, freedom, liberty, generosity, and intellectual understanding. You may idealize truth, justice, and the power of positive thinking. Your optimism is a breath of fresh air, but may at times be taken so far that you are somewhat blind to the practical side of an endeavor. Or, your goals and ideals are set so high that it can be challenging to reach them. Fantasizing about something better is your escape. Your openness to mystical or alternative interpretations of life is refreshing.

Pluto in Libra 21°  25' 49"  Rx

The quest to bring reform or to distinguish yourself through your relationships and connections with others can be so fraught with pressure at times that you have a hard time letting go or feeling content and satisfied with your accomplishments in these areas. The goal should be to feel more personally powerful through your ability to compromise and treat others fairly, not to seek your power from your relationships. You have brilliant insights into people and relationships. You know that improving the world starts with reforming the ways we interact with one another.

Chiron in Taurus  9°  55' 57"

You may very well hold onto guilt for enjoying material things, comfort, luxury, and so forth. In your head, you know you're entitled to spoil yourself from time to time, but it's hard to truly convince yourself of this deep down. You're wonderful at helping others understand that they're worth it, however! Whether you compensate by over- or under-indulging, you're likely holding onto too much guilt. Your needs for security and safety run very deep, and sometimes they work against you if you're not careful.

Black Moon Lilith in Virgo 25°  56' 34"

You may have felt ashamed, off, or wrong about paying special attention to the practical side of life, attention to details, organization, and routines. As a result, you may go to pains to prove you’re not ordinary, worried, eager to please, or concerned about details enough to perfect a craft or project. Leaving many projects unfinished can be a sign of perfectionist expectations – this way, you don’t have to deal with the prospect of not producing something perfect.

North Node in Leo 29°  19' 51"

One theory behind the Nodes of the Moon (the North Node and South Node) suggests that we all come into this world with some underdeveloped and overdeveloped aspects of our character. The Nodes of the Moon point us to these specific qualities: the South Node represents our overdeveloped character traits that we automatically fall back upon. We're talented here, but if we overdo this area of life or hold onto these traits to feel secure, we may undermine our lives or prevent growth. On the other hand, the North Node suggests the qualities that we need to work on and develop to achieve inner balance.

With your True North Node of the Moon in Leo, your South Node is in Aquarius.

A tendency to rely too much on others who may let you down, to come across as impersonal or distant in your dealings with others, to be fearful of being the center of attention and standing out as an individual, to fear taking risks, and to fall back on peers and community at the expense of your own individuality are some of the issues this position suggests. With this influence, you should watch for falling into the easy trap of worrying too much about what others think about you. Instead, you need to strike out along your own individual and creative path. You'd be wise to make a conscious effort to deal with others in a more personal, involved, and loving manner, rather than falling back on reason and intellect which detaches you from your feelings. You might unintentionally alienate others when you over-emphasize equality to the point that we won't acknowledge individuals' uniqueness. You may too often be the audience and not the performer in your life! You may too easily lose touch with your own heart by rationalizing your feelings, and you might become overly involved with other people's problems at the expense of your inner needs for attention. Learning to take personal risks, which requires a certain amount of self-confidence, will help you to achieve inner balance and happiness.

Part of Fortune in Scorpio  5°  21' 23"

You could find that success comes more readily for you when you are using your powers to investigate, dig deep, read between the lines, research, and intuit. In fact, you find joy through these things. You are very perceptive and resourceful. You can be a particularly successful healer, investigator, accountant, psychologist, or agent, among other things. You enjoy inspiring others to understand themselves, to find their courage, to accept their deeper desires, and to embrace their personal truth. You also find joy through transformation and regeneration. Look to the condition of Mars and Pluto for more clues to where and how you might improve your lot in life.

Vertex in Libra 28°  00' 09"

Midheaven in Aquarius  8°  39' 15"

Planets and Points in The Houses

Sun in Eleventh House

The Sun's house position modifies and refines its position by zodiac sign. With the Sun in your eleventh house, you are a humanitarian who aims to treat everyone as equals. You are unique and original, and you do your best to avoid bias and prejudice. Social status is less important to you than belonging to a group of diverse personalities. Your identity, in fact, is somehow linked to a larger unit than yourself. You have high hopes and goals and tend to look at life in terms of opportunities. You have magnetic appeal, as people sense your broad tolerance and openness. The friendships you establish are crucial to your development. If you identify too much with your associations and your friendliness or ability to build bridges, you may become too impersonal and alienate those who would like to get close to you. You are a team player and can have a significant impact on groups and among friends and networks.

Moon in Fourth House

The Moon in the houses can reveal where and how we go about seeking emotional satisfaction. If it's an issue, we can discover vital clues to the reason for perpetual emotional unrest through the study of the house position of the Moon, and these can manifest as constant changes or ups and downs in the areas of life ruled by the house. It is in these areas that we should aim to make deep attachments rather than chase superficial and temporary emotional thrills if we are seeking out a genuine feeling of belonging and emotional fulfillment. It's important to note that house positions are quite sensitive to birth times.

With the Moon in your fourth house, you long for a sense of true belonging, but you may be quite restless in your search. You might change residence frequently or simply feel the need to make many changes in your home. Moving often may be a healthy thing if it keeps you emotionally stimulated. However, if you find that you do so on whims and later regret the changes, you might want to treat it as a symptom of emotional unrest. This is because, with this house position, you could be in an endless search for the perfect mood and setting, when in fact a feeling of belonging should be worked on from the inside out, not the outside in!

While some with this position remain somewhat immature on an emotional level, never wanting to truly grow up and take care of yourself, for most, this is about taking attachments to the past, traditions, or family/home strongly to heart.

With the Moon in the fourth house, you very often feel the need to anchor, ground, or center yourself before feeling fit in other areas of life. You have a powerful sense of home or family, and the drive for security and safety can be behind much of what you do.

This is an excellent position for home business. You can have a strong interest in lineage, history, or collecting. You are likely quite creative and warm. You have strong emotional "feelers," and you need to feel out a situation before trusting it.

Mercury in Eleventh House

You are endlessly curious about people, group interactions, community affairs, trends, and teams, as well as wonderfully open-minded. You are attracted to people who bring new ideas into your experience, and who have something novel to contribute on an intellectual level. You are very forward-looking and fair-minded. Fair play, impartiality, and unselfishness are essential ideals for you. There can be many changes or fluctuations in your personal wishes, dreams, plans, and ideals. You might attract friends who come and go, or who are dishonest or duplicitous if Mercury is challenged here.

You are friendly and an engaging conversationalist, although you tend to go off on many different tangents, rarely following a neat, logical line or train of thought. Sharing ideas with others is vitally important to you. While your ideas can be unconventional, you work well with others or in a team.

These traits are Mercury in the eleventh house in pure form and are modified by Mercury's sign and aspects. [Note that house positions are highly dependent on birth time.]

Venus in Twelfth House

With Venus in the twelfth house, you may enjoy a strong level of privacy or emotional space for you to decompress and get in touch with your feelings. You have a huge imagination and enjoy a rich dreaming and daydreaming inner world. You are quick to help others, but sometimes at your own expense. You can be big on romance, and you tend to live and breathe your partner once you're hooked. Not the best at defining your boundaries — where your needs and a partner's needs separate — you can get hurt in love rather easily.

You are attracted to people from all walks of life, finding a partner who has an unusual background or quirky personality most attractive. Partners who mistake your compassion for weakness can take advantage of you. Being openly affectionate and trusting doesn't always feel comfortable for you. Love and sacrifice often seem to go hand in hand for you.

Mars in Fourth House

You can be fiercely protective of your close friends and family with Mars in your solar fourth house. Anger may be deeply felt and possibly deeply buried, too! As a result, it can be difficult for others to pinpoint your true motives, and you can be considered a real enigma. You can be passive-aggressive in your approach to the outside world when younger, which could lead to resentments if you are not careful--or confident--enough to take a more direct approach to pursuing your desires and expressing your anger. With time and experience, as well as substantial work towards achieving a healthy balance between emotional self-control and expression, you're likely to deal with frustrations in a more empowering way.

Family dynamics are lively and often intense with Mars in the fourth house. You may frequently have arguments with family, about them, or on their behalf! You might attempt to rule the roost on the home front, or you often take on a leadership role at home and with family. In fact, you may be the unofficial leader on the domestic front. Your actions are more often than not governed by your instincts, and you don't appreciate being manipulated or forced into doing something that doesn't come from your gut. You also possess tremendous energy for domestic projects or activities. This is a powerful astrological influence for working from (or on) the home.

Jupiter in Fourth House

With Jupiter in your fourth house, you have strong instincts that guide you, particularly on a professional level. You readily make warm connections with others, particularly valuing your family and close loved ones. Old age is expected to be pleasant and rewarding. Strong morals were reinforced in your childhood. You dream of--and have a good chance of attaining-- a large or spacious home. You likely feel that "happiness is home." You can be a collector of objects of sentimental value, or you take a great interest in history.

Saturn in Fifth House

Uranus in Sixth House

Neptune in Seventh House

You are inclined to give more to a partnership (including marriage) than you take. There may be a tendency to wear rose-colored glasses when it comes to the selection of a partner, in an attempt to find a soulmate. The need for a strong psychic or intuitive link with a partner is so high that your perceptions in partnership are not always accurate. You need to take a step back, consciously attempting to see your partners and relationships for who/what they are, rather than what you wish them to be. You might be attracted to relationships in which you feel a partner needs to be saved somehow, or in which a partner saves you. However, you might end up with people who only serve to confuse you, who are noncommittal or unavailable, or who are overly dependent. You tend to idealize a partner, assigning them traits that you want them to have, or even seeing them as worse than they are due to inflated and dramatic expectations. You need to develop discipline and discrimination when it comes to setting limits, selecting partners, and keeping communication clear in a relationship. In some cases, people with this position give up their power to partners and become dependent upon them. You are likely a creative negotiator, and you can be especially accommodating with others. Positively, you are very talented at bringing out the good in another person, particularly a partner, if that person is appreciative of your efforts and is willing to grow.

NOTE: Since Neptune is very close to the next house cusp, the next item is also relevant.

Neptune in Eighth House

There is a spiritual longing with this position. You might often experience deja vu or other psychic phenomena. You pay attention to dreams, and you might enjoy analyzing them. Sexual fantasies or role-playing can be strong themes in your life. You might yearn for a spiritual form of ecstasy on an intimate level--a soul connection.

You could feel that your needs on this level are always just out of reach. You can be a giver in bed, and perhaps feel that you give more than you get. Alternatively, you could be in the opposite position in which you seek partners who are exceptionally giving on a sexual level. Either way, there is an imbalance, and you could be left wanting. With Neptune in the 8th, it can be especially important to be discriminating when it comes to selecting sexual partners if Neptune is challenged. You may not see your partner clearly because of a deep need for extraordinary or fantastical experiences. There may be times when you give more than you take with money. If a more aggressive personality seems to want something more, you will cut them a better deal. Your shared finances may be chaotic in some way. You may be taken advantage of on a monetary level in partnership, or you might keep poor financial records and end up paying or owing more as a result. There can be a blurring of boundaries when it comes to finances and partnership, whether that means you allow a partner to control your finances or you adopt a "what's mine is yours" philosophy without following up on or enforcing the "what's yours is mine" part. In this way, you may leave yourself open to deception or even fraud. You can be a bit sloppy with accounting. You may have problems collecting inheritance and could encounter difficulties on a financial level through the marital partner.

Over the years, you will likely learn to take more responsibility for your finances and learn to be less timid about taking ownership of what is rightfully yours. You are very creative and imaginative sexually, and you understand and accept a broad range of styles and preferences on a sexual level.

Pluto in Sixth House

You are a hard worker and can be quite protective or private when it comes to your work output. You are excellent at analysis, but you can also easily become obsessed with finding an answer to problems, perhaps even finding problems that others overlook. You "come alive" when presented with a problem that requires research and analysis. Work can become an obsession for you, and you are able to work almost tirelessly. You might be private or insular when it comes to your job, and you might also feel overly attached to what you do even to the point of paranoia. Fear of criticism might run high when it comes to your work output. Directing your own work or working for yourself may be the best route for you to take, as you can easily resent others controlling your schedule and the work that you do. You are likely very interested in areas of health and self-improvement, as well as explorations of the mind-body connection, and you instinctively seek alternative therapies for healing. Some of you are outstanding researchers in these areas.

Chiron in Twelfth House

Black Moon Lilith in Fifth House

North Node in Fourth House

The theory behind the Nodes of the Moon (the North Node and South Node) suggests that we all come into this world with some underdeveloped and overdeveloped aspects of our character. The Nodes of the Moon point us to these specific qualities: the South Node represents our overdeveloped character traits that we automatically fall back upon. We're talented here, but if we overdo this area of life or hold onto these traits to feel secure, we may undermine our lives or prevent growth. On the other hand, the North Node suggests the qualities that we need to work on and develop to achieve inner balance.

With your North Node in the fourth house, your South Node is naturally in the tenth house.

Your path is to, more often, allow yourself to be vulnerable, to open yourself to the possibility of receiving nurture, and to release the need to feel in control and on top of things. You fix problems and take on a management role expertly and quickly--it's second nature to you--but you need to be nurtured from time to time as well. Once you do let others in, your life will improve many times over. Fixing your home life can enhance your career tremendously.

Part of Fortune in Sixth House

Vertex in Sixth House

Aspects

Sun Opposition Mars (orb 4°55')

Sun Opposition Jupiter (orb 4°32')

Sun Sextile Chiron (orb 0°38')

Sun Trine Part of Fortune (orb 3°57')

Moon Trine Venus (orb 5°56')

Mercury Opposition Saturn (orb 3°50')

Mercury Trine Uranus (orb 4°39')

Mercury Square Neptune (orb 1°34')

Mercury Quincunx Pluto (orb 0°30')

Venus Quincunx Saturn (orb 2°47')

Venus Trine Neptune (orb 0°31')

Venus Opposition Pluto (orb 0°33')

Mars Conjunction Jupiter (orb 0°23')

Mars Trine Chiron (orb 5°33')

Mars Conjunction North Node (orb 5°4')

Mars Sextile Part of Fortune (orb 0°58')

Mars Square Ascendant (orb 5°46')

Jupiter Trine Chiron (orb 5°10')

Jupiter Conjunction North Node (orb 5°26')

Jupiter Sextile Part of Fortune (orb 0°36')

Jupiter Square Ascendant (orb 6°9')

Saturn Sextile Uranus (orb 0°48')

Saturn Square Neptune (orb 2°16')

Saturn Trine Ascendant (orb 3°51')

Uranus Square North Node (orb 3°46')

Uranus Opposition Ascendant (orb 3°3')

Neptune Sextile Pluto (orb 1°4')

Chiron Opposition Part of Fortune (orb 4°35')

Chiron Square Midheaven (orb 1°17')

North Node Sextile Vertex (orb 1°20')

North Node Square Ascendant (orb 0°43')

Part of Fortune Square Midheaven (orb 3°18')

Vertex Quincunx Ascendant (orb 0°37')

[garywonghc]

Advice on Spiritual Practice

by His Holiness the 16th Karmapa, Rangjung Rigpe Dorje

The practice of dharma involves certain possibilities. How these potentials evolve into actual situations for the practitioner, and how much is possible within these situations depends on the capacity of individual beings. It depends upon the level of teachings that one is able to relate to, such as Mahayana or Hinayana. At this particular time in our lives, the practice of the Mahayana teaching is possible. It is absolutely precious and absolutely rare. Our concern for development and our sense of responsibility has placed us in a position to integrate the preciousness and rarity of the Mahayana teaching with our lives. Through it there is the possibility of the experience of no-returning back into Samsara and the experience of ultimate bliss that is self knowing and in which there are no doubts.

In the midst of the wanderings of our minds we might sometimes fall into thinking that whether one practices or not, the Dharma will always be available. If you have that kind of notion, it is a very serious mistake. Any brief moment, any time at all that one could use as an opportunity for Dharma practice, one must use. If one does not take this responsibility and offer sincere respect to the Mahayana and Vajrayana teachings, there is a definite possibility of causing harm to oneself as well as to those spiritual friends to whom one is linked. A lack of attention to the responsibilities of the Mahayana path constitutes a breaking of the Samaya principles, therefore, in whatever way one can hold to the teachings, one must sincerely do so.

If you think that the teaching is negligible, such a reality will manifest because of your attitude, to your great loss. The fact is that the teaching is very much hidden from you, so you cannot really make speculations about it. On the other hand, the validity of the teaching has been witnessed by its ageless effectiveness from the time of the Buddha to this day. This is something to dwell upon. You must sincerely realise the sacredness of the teachings, to the extent of understanding that there is actually nothing more important than the practice of the Dharma within this lifetime, and in lifetimes to come. In a simple mundane life situation, in the field of 'business' we know that the businessman develops a plan for a project, he knows what it will cost him, perhaps one million dollars, and every detail of the project is regarded with the utmost care. Absolute importance is attached to such a project in the business world, and a great deal of energy is put into bringing it to a successful conclusion. The point is if one is going to expend such effort for a result of such a temporary nature, why not put at least as much effort into a project that is going to cause one's temporary as well as ultimate benefit? Whether you are receiving an empowerment or an explanation, if you are able to have or develop that sense of importance about the Dharma, then there is purpose in your relationship with the Mahayana teachings and there is going to be fulfilment, too. If there is a genuine commitment to the teaching, you will be able to develop direct and meaningful trust and confidence in the teachings and sincere compassion towards beings. A true understanding of the universality of the working of karma, the nature of cause and effect, will occur.

The Bodhisattva's aspiration and actions are powerful because from the very beginning when bodhisattva embarks on the journey of the bodhi path he aspires to work for the benefit and liberation of all sentient beings with a very determined, definite and powerful intention. Because of the sincere resolve that is within this aspiration, whatever actions need to be performed to benefit and liberate beings are performed with great power and tirelessness. Having undertaken such a profound journey by virtue of the aspiration to help beings, as the different stages of the Bodhisattva are experienced, one finds oneself increasingly capable of benefiting countless beings. That is how the Bodhisattva first treads upon the path.

When the bodhisattvas work for the benefit of all beings with such appropriate aspirations and actions there is total fulfilment. The fulfilment appropriate in the sense that there is no selfishness involved in the way of expectations, doubts, hopes, attachment or aversion regarding gains and losses of any kind. The Bodhisattva is completely pure and spotless, working incessantly and wholeheartedly for the benefit of beings. Not for a moment is there any hesitation or doubt, as these obstacles have been transcended. The ways of a Bodhisattva are gentle, since all harmful actions and indulgences have been abandoned. Not only are harmful deeds themselves eliminated in a Bodhisattva's life, but also the creation of causes of future harmful situations. Work is done solely for the benefit of other beings, not only in direct deeds, but in laying the foundations for future benefits to accrue. When these bodhisattvas initiate work, then, they are able to cause immeasurable benefit towards beings, and they do so manifesting fearless generosity without doubts or expectations, like the great Bodhisattva of Boundless Compassion, Avalokiteshvara, or the Bodhisattva of Boundless Power, Vajrapani, and so on.

All who comprise the great assemblage of Bodhisattvas are equally powerful and equally beneficial to countless beings, so that all things seem to be at their command. Sometimes beautiful lotuses and lotus trees are caused by them to grow from the middle of the ocean, or a teardrop is transformed into an ocean. Everything in nature is at the Bodhisattva's call. Fire can appear as water; water can appear as fire. It is all because of the strength of the Bodhisattva's attitude, the aspiration and action. For us this says that the practice of compassion must be given full consideration and it must at all times be in our awareness and at all times performed.

If one is going to attempt to do meditation, for example, on emptiness, Sunyata, one must never fail to relate to the enlightened objects of the Refuge on one hand, and to consistently generate genuine compassion towards beings on the other hand. The true nature of emptiness is compassion. Without the experience of the fullness of compassion, even if one claims to have realised emptiness, Sunyata, it does not have any significance.

At this particular point you have the opportunity to receive the teachings. There are teachers, there are facilities. You have been receiving many levels of teachings, and it is important that you don't miss the point in terms of putting into practice what is taught. It is absolutely important. I am emphasising today something you must have heard many times. And yet there is always the need for complete integration, for mindfulness and respect, for the treasuring of what one has understood, what one has received. There is the need of working towards the fulfilment of the teachings and the complete realisation of the meaning. And toward that end the most important factor, once again, is the practice of bodhicitta, the Enlightened Mind, by which you will gradually tread the Vajrayana path. At every turn bodhicitta is indispensable. Unless the profound techniques of the Vajrayana are being supported by bodhicitta one will not necessarily make meaningful realisations. So, you see, that everything is actually rooted in the practice of bodhicitta, and to pursue with sincerity whatever enhances and supports the practice of bodhicitta creates favourable situations for its development.

An example of a means to develop bodhicitta is Pratimoksa. In the Pratimoksa tradition there are seven families or levels of Pratimoksa, or self-discipline. These are known as the precepts or vows. Refuge is the most important prerequisite to enter into the practice of discipline. After taking refuge, you take whatever other precepts you can. Keeping them strengthens your practice of bodhicitta, and enables you to tread on the path of Buddhadharma more simply, sincerely and sanely. The importance of the application of self-discipline, the precepts, must not be neglected. Strongly ingrained are the patterns of the three poisons: aggression, attachment and ignorance. If one is to uproot these patterns and to apply the proper antidote for these poisons, the practices of discipline as outlined in the Pratimoksa are necessary tools.

Then we have the Mahayana principles. We must practice living the Mahayana ideals which we have been talking about: the development of the Enlightened Attitude, a concern for the benefit and liberation of all beings. From the material point of view this country is very rich, which means life is busier for everyone than in other places in the world, and people are occupied by all kinds of mundane demands. Because of the overwhelming material concerns that surround one, the speed of life activity increases. One busy situation leads to another, and on and on. You are constantly busy. The truth of cyclic existence is very well manifested in your lives. To remedy this state of affairs one first needs to calm down the mind. Do not be completely absorbed by your surroundings. Develop some degree of stillness. Cultivate simple control of mind, tranquillity. At least some openness of the mind needs to be developed. No matter who you are, everyone needs first to relate to basic meditation practices, meditation practices that are specifically designed to bring about the calmness of the minds of beings who are occupied in such constant, busy involvement. This is the first step in the practice of the Dharma, the Dharma that is so very important for oneself and for others.

If you could see and appreciate the truth of the Dharma, and in the light of that appreciation continue to practice, there is no doubt about your being of tremendous benefit to the people you encounter and to this country especially. There would be no doubt about your ability to save beings from countless problems and conflicts. So the practice of the Dharma must be taken very seriously and done very sincerely. It plays a crucial part in shaping of one's life, and not this life alone but all lifetimes to come. If one is to have temporary as well as ultimate fulfilment of happiness, the incomparable and the only reliable connection is the practice of the Dharma. The notion of perception and perceiver has existed from beginningless time, and it is part of the pattern of clinging. From beginningless time our shortcoming has been to fall back into Samsara. In the past, in the future and in the present, the mind has been in many ways very playful. But where the true nature of the mind is concerned, neither the colour nor the shape nor the location of the mind nor its consciousness can be pinpointed.

The nature of mind goes beyond all such substantialities. This being so, in the meditation practice it is important neither to invite the future nor recollect the past, but to remain in the state of nowness. The nowness of the mind is the practice which should be developed by you all.

[erinye]

Greek Gods Personality Type!

Athena: INTJ --- The Scientist

INTJs live in the world of ideas and strategic planning. They value intelligence, knowledge, and competence, and typically have high standards in these regards, which they continuously strive to fulfill. To a somewhat lesser extent, they have similar expectations of others. The INTJ's interest in dealing with the world is to make decisions, express judgments and put everything that they encounter into an understandable and rational system. Consequently, they are quick to express judgments. Often they have very evolved intuitions, and are convinced that they are right about things.

Hermes: ENFJ --- The Giver

ENFJs have a special gift with people and are basically happy people when they can use that gift to help others. They get their best satisfaction from serving others. Their genuine interest in Humankind and their exceptional intuitive awareness of people makes them able to draw out even the most reserved individuals. Because ENFJ's people skills are so extraordinary, they have the ability to make people do exactly what they want them to do. They get under people's skins and get the reactions that they are seeking. 

Aphrodite: ESFP --- The Performer

ESFPs live in the world of people possibilities. They love people and new experiences. They are lively and fun and enjoy being the center of attention. They live in the here-and-now and relish excitement and drama in their lives. ESFPs love people, and everybody loves an ESFP. One of their greatest gifts is their general acceptance of everyone. They are upbeat and enthusiastic and genuinely like almost everybody. However, once crossed, an ESFP is likely to make a very strong and stubborn judgment against the person who crossed them. They are capable of deep dislike in such a situation.

Artemis: ESTP --- The Doer

ESTPs are outgoing, straight-shooting types. Enthusiastic and excitable, ESTPs are "doers" who live in the world of action. Blunt, straight-forward risk-takers, they are willing to plunge right into things and get their hands dirty. They live in the here-and-now and place little importance on introspection or theory. They have an uncanny ability to perceive people's attitudes and motivations. ESTPs pick up on little cues which go completely unnoticed by most other types, such as facial expressions and stance.They're typically a couple of steps ahead of the person they're interacting with.

Apollo: ENTJ --- The Executive

The ENTJ has many gifts which make it possible for them to have a great deal of personal power, if they don't forget to remain balanced in their lives. They are assertive, innovative, long-range thinkers with an excellent ability to translate theories and possibilities into solid plans of action. They are usually tremendously forceful personalities, and have the tools to accomplish whatever goals they set out for.

Ares: ISTP --- The Mechanic

ISTPs have an adventuresome spirit. They thrive on action, and are usually fearless. ISTPs are fiercely independent, needing to have the space to make their own decisions about their next step. They do not believe in or follow rules and regulations, as this would prohibit their ability to "do their own thing". Their sense of adventure and desire for constant action makes ISTPs prone to becoming bored rather quickly. Although they do not respect the rules of the "System", they follow their own rules and guidelines for behavior faithfully. They will not take part in something which violates their personal laws.

Hephaestus: ISFP --- The Artist

ISFPs tend to be quiet and reserved, and difficult to get to know well. They hold back their ideas and opinions except from those who they are closest to. They are likely to be kind, gentle and sensitive in their dealings with others. The ISFP is likely to not give themself enough credit for the things which they do extremely well. Their strong value systems can lead them to be intensely perfectionist, and cause them to judge themselves with unnecessary harshness

Dionysus: ESFP --- The Performer

ESFP is definitely a spontaneous, optimistic individual. They love to have fun. If the ESFP has not developed their Thinking side by giving consideration to rational thought processing, they tend to become over-indulgent, and place more importance on immediate sensation and gratification than on their duties and obligations. They may also avoid looking at long-term consequences of their actions. They like to "go with the flow", trusting in their ability to improvise in any situation presented to them. 

Persephone: INFJ --- The Protector

INFJs are caring, complex and highly intuitive individuals. Artistic and creative, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves - there's always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right. They don't believe in compromising their ideals.

Hades: ISTJ --- The Duty Fulfiller

ISTJs are quiet and reserved individuals who are interested in security and peaceful living. Because the ISTJ has such a strong sense of duty, they may have a difficult time saying "no" when they are given more work than they can reasonably handle. For this reason, the ISTJ often works long hours and may be unwittingly taken advantage of. The ISTJ is extremely faithful and loyal. Traditional and family-minded, they will put forth great amounts of effort at making their homes and families running smoothly. 

Poseidon: ENTP --- The Visionary

This ability to intuitively understand people and situations puts the ENTP at a distinct advantage in their lives. They generally understand things quickly and with great depth. Accordingly, they are quite flexible and adapt well to a wide range of tasks. ENTPs are less interested in developing plans of actions or making decisions than they are in generating possibilities and ideas. Following through on the implementation of an idea is usually a chore to the ENTP. For some ENTPs, this results in the habit of never finishing what they start. 

Zeus: ESTJ --- The Guardian

ESTJs are take-charge people. They have such a clear vision of the way that things should be, that they naturally step into leadership roles. They are self-confident and aggressive. They are extremely talented at devising systems and plans for action, and at being able to see what steps need to be taken to complete a specific task. ESTJs can be very boisterous and fun at social events, especially activities which are focused on the family, community, or work.

Hera: ENTJ --- The Executive

There is not much room for error in the world of the ENTJ. They dislike to see mistakes repeated, and have no patience with inefficiency. They may become quite harsh when their patience is tried in these respects, because they are not naturally tuned in to people's feelings, and more than likely don't believe that they should tailor their judgments in consideration for people's feelings. In their personal world, it can make some ENTJs overbearing as spouses or parents.

Demeter: INFJ --- The Protector

INFJs place great importance on havings things orderly and systematic in their outer world. They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger. INFJ is a natural nurturer; patient, devoted and protective. They make loving parents and usually have strong bonds with their offspring. They have high expectations of their children, and push them to be the best that they can be. 

Hestia: INFP --- The Idealist

INFPs, more than other iNtuitive Feeling types, are focused on making the world a better place for people. Their primary goal is to find out their meaning in life. What is their purpose? How can they best serve humanity in their lives? Generally thoughtful and considerate, INFPs are good listeners and put people at ease. Although they may be reserved in expressing emotion, they have a very deep well of caring and are genuinely interested in understanding people. This sincerity is sensed by others, making the INFP a valued friend and confidante. An INFP can be quite warm with people he or she knows well.

Hecate: INTP --- The Thinker

INTPs value knowledge above all else. Their minds are constantly working to generate new theories, or to prove or disprove existing theories. They approach problems and theories with enthusiasm and skepticism, ignoring existing rules and opinions and defining their own approach to the resolution. They may seem "dreamy" and distant to others, because they spend a lot of time inside their minds musing over theories. If the INTP doesn't realize the value of attending to other people's feelings, he or she may become overly critical and sarcastic with others.

Eros: ENFP --- The Inspirer

ENFPs are warm, enthusiastic people, typically very bright and full of potential. They live in the world of possibilities, and can become very passionate and excited about things. Their enthusiasm lends them the ability to inspire and motivate others, more so than we see in other types. They can talk their way in or out of anything. They love life, seeing it as a special gift, and strive to make the most out of it. ENFPs have an unusually broad range of skills and talents. They are good at most things which interest them. Project-oriented, they may go through several different careers during their lifetime. 

[sugar-petals]

BTS as submissive boyfriends

a/n: A thought experiment to envision Bangtan as subs in your daily and sexual life.

warning: Dom/sub dynamics, femdom!reader

Jimin

Jimin is dashing as a submissive, it suits him well. An eager pleaser who memorizes all of your wishes exactingly, always giving more than taking because it fulfills him. Jimin addresses you as his one and only Queen, serenades and serves you with all of his allure. He’ll make you a bubble bath after you get home, write countless love letters, provide all sorts of comfort especially on your period, organize an evening to watch a cute movie, kiss and hug you tight the way you love it. But don’t be fooled, he’s volatile. This man will walk through your house naked all day, too. You know him, he draws a lot of confidence out of approval, so he’ll really groom himself. If you love his natural black hair and soft tummy, he’ll do everything to look like that. If you enjoy his ample legs, he will train each day without fail, and proudly display the results here and there through his ripped blue jeans. 

In bed, Jimin’s divide between soft and sensual shows all the more. He is immensely passionate and sacrificing, all of his avid affection is yours. Prepare for a myriad of curious questions, he wants to know everything you’re into, all the dos and don’ts. This type of devotion is made for someone intense and dominant because it requires guidance as well as receptivity. Your voluptuous Jimin can massage your feet, kiss your breasts, eat you out like it’s nothing. And he wants to do more, more, more, to satisfy you all the time because he loves seeing you gratified. Imagine how many special hours he will dedicate to that. “Love and sex” is his life mantra - that means all of your tensions in these realms will be alleviated. And listen. What you can look forward to the most is how he puts his lusciously gyrating dancer hips and thighs to practice.

Taehyung

The light of your existence - you won’t ever be bored again. Taehyung will enrich your life effortlessly because he makes it so interesting and positive. Compliments and good conversation within your quality time are his strong points: He will always be mindful that you will receive plenty of this, since you become his unchallenged priority. Taehyung will talk with you at length to entertain and cheer you up with his witty mannerisms straight out of his video games and keep you up to date with literally the entire world. He adds some excitement through cheeky flirting and cuddling (Taetae is the clingiest member. If you are deprived of hugs he’s perfect for you), soothing you with his deep, deep voice which he’ll deliberately bring out. He will send you selcas with his smexy bandana creations, funny filters, and a plunging fashionable neckline to add pizazz to it. He texts with the cutest emojis and always encourages you since he believes in your potential. “Mommy, fighting”, he’ll write, and you know he smiles his rectangle smile as he sends it to you.

Erotic hours with Taehyung will echo a similar feeling. He is down for every conceivable endeavor, but it stays light. Unless he switches on his temptation mode, that is. All in all, nothing is ever confined to the bedroom alone - it seems that his affinity goes towards the bathroom instead. Sensual showers and baths with lots of foam, voilà, Taehyung will be all cute and bashful for you. The kitchen is the second favorite where you will have some fruit adventures, you can imagine how creative he gets. Tae also amuses you with his dirty talk, so many clever innuendoes. He can bring everything sexual to an intellectual level, which will lead to the most juicy messages on your fridge. Talking about juicy: have you seen Taehyung’s hands? They will make you feel so, so good. In the morning, at noon, at night. And that voice is sure to push you over the edge every time. 

Yoongi

The fascinator. A very private man of unwavering loyalty. To share this hermit-like intimacy with you is his gift - he’s exclusive to you, undemanding, very minimalistic. Yoongi is an immensely shrewd shadow worker and secret keeper. None of your problems will remain unsolved, even if he stores a lot in his head only to reveal it much later. You have all the power, and Yoongi the master plan to solidify your reign. He really thinks long-term which makes him very sure about his commitment. Yoongi knows your future and how to make it good: By loving you. Foreseeing the hard times, he becomes proactive. His devotion also shows in the way he gives you presents as often as he can. A personal mixtape, a ticket to your favorite singer’s concert. He works hard, so hard. Usually the critical type, he is able to let down his guard with you. He can share his heart without having to protect himself with coldness or sharp comments. Trust me when I say that he will shower you with the most sincerely endearing things. He’ll also guard you from outside malice and back you up. If you are struggling with any problem concerning your state of mind, Yoongi will sacrifice everything he has to make you healthy because he knows how it is. Know that you are his Empress, ready to be revered every day.

You will fully realize that when he gets intimate. It is true, you have South Korea’s most talented tongue between your legs and at your whim. His job lends him ridiculous stamina, Yoongi can make you groan and shake all night. What he does not utter or express through writing during the day, he will make up for with a plethora of lavish tongue movements. Sweet Suga might take his time and finish intensely or vice versa if that is your wish. Yoongi is not afraid of taboos and extremes - in fact, he needs them. You can lead and dominate him completely, he loves to feel your impact. He can finally let go of his troubles like this. Remember how he said he likes Jimin and J-Hope for their extroverted energy and strong vibe as it makes him snap out of his blues. Getting tied up or teased with toys, he craves it all. Last but not least, a little secret: It is safe to say that this sexy vampire will lick your sensitive neck to some new orgasmic heights.

Namjoon

A yielding and steadfast partner for you, highly intuitive. This jovial man will muse about you as the meaning of his life, and how divine you are, like a Priestess blessing him. You’re always on his mind and he’ll let you know about it artistically, no matter how cheesy it gets. I am sure he could open a museum dedicated to you as the overarching theme. Joon is also going to be a feast for your eyes. Chic and futuristic, he models the neatest couture for you, and helps you to buy your own so you can be an edgy couple. He will wear stylish bags and his eccentric sunglasses, and you call him babe. Occasionally, Rapmon will share his music with you and write an entire collection of raps that describe his feelings. Namjoon is a poet, philosopher, and psychologist, striving to understand all of your motivations and dreams. He’s your biggest fan in a way, and heals your soul. Whatever makes you chuckle becomes his daily task - he’ll even break some trivial items on purpose because it makes you laugh yourself to tears. 

Namjoon in bed is not very agile precisely due to his lanky stature and those clumsy moments. Do you know what that means? You can top the living hell out of him. That’s right. Joonie is just fine on his back having you ravage him, and he’ll whisper the lewdest, intelligent things to you. If you’ve studied his lyrics, you know how far he wants to go. Though you have to know that his heart and sexual demeanor are much softer than his image suggests. Like Jimin, he is a romantic in search of a woman who can conquer him, who can get him into the heat of the moment, out of his head in the clouds. You can control and tantalize him and his delicious, sexy body however you want, all he loves is to see you delight in your power position. With submissive Namjoon, I guarantee you will have tons of fun.

J-Hope

Hobi is tremendously bright, empathetic, and gentle. Thus, he’s perfectly in tune with your needs as his character is so reactive. If you are an introvert, this is your perfect match. J-Hope will energize you one-to-one or in a group because he’s the paramount socialite, and once you’ve charged enough sunlight, he’ll show you his peaceful and relaxed side which can also be quite hedonistic. Like Jungkook, he will indulge you, make you feel good the way you never experienced it before. No matter the circumstance: He’ll say or text “I love you” at least once a day in the most uplifting tone, often addressing you with sugary sweet names on top of that. You’re his Aphrodite, and Hoseok will never make you doubt that the arrows of Eros have reached his heart. He’ll always get so excited how amazing you are, conveying it with his animated body language, joking and jumping around. And even in the serious moments, he will do everything in his power to make you happy.

That includes creating a very vivid sexual life with you. He’s not perfectly submissive like Yoongi and Jimin, but more like Taehyung, in a glamorous fashion. If he arrives with his hair sleeked or swiped back with his glorious forehead on full display, you know what’s going on. This guy will really put on a show for you. Just because you two are getting intimate it doesn’t mean he’s no longer an entertainer. You can sit on his lap when he’s in his shiny sequin suit, and run your hands through his meticulously styled hair (Hobi is fastidious with self-care, you will never have any complaints). Did you see pictures of him in suspenders? Blazing hot! He’ll wear these underneath his jackets because you are really into them. And if you don’t like to keep it classy here and there, get flexible. Literally, because this is what Hoseok’s body is. You can have sex in the most incredible positions, no limits. He really is such a well-rounded and well-versed (heh) sexual partner, and very zestful for that matter. 

Jin

Class act. A flawless gentleman. The ace of Bangtan, with better manners than any butler. It is not chivalry in a sense that he interferes with your business that you can perfectly handle on your own. No, he rather has the nerve to absorb all daily life burdens from you in private to assure that his goddess is never stressed out too much. You come home tired and ask for something soothing, he makes you some soup. You rant about someone, he will mediate and understand you. In essence, he provides all the relief you desire. He entertains you generously but also has an open ear and a shoulder to lean on - you can talk to Jin to everything, he can and will be able to deal with it so your safety and well-being is the priority of everything in your relationship. Always responsible and caring, he shops and manages and cleans as good as he can, and rests his gorgeous head in your lap every evening so you can caress him at will.  

Now what happens when this handsome fella sleeps with his goddess? He’ll dine you first, and then show his terrifically seductive side. Jin has figured out what arouses you down to a T. For instance, once he slowly strips off his shirt to reveal those chiseled, broad shoulders, there’s no turning back. He can pepper your hot sessions with plenty of his humor to spice it up, you can really feel free to get weird with him as much as you please. In fact, Jin loves a lot of randomness and talking when you two make out. There’s going to be a lot of eye contact involved, too, mixed with many giggles. And now here’s the cherry on top. Jin will often combine your sexual activities with travels and wellness. How does this sound like: You both finance a day at a spa in Jeju, followed by getting some more relief in the hotel afterwards. Though Jin can deliver a massage himself you see. Whenever you ask, this guy will drop everything. 

Jungkook

We all know why he hates being called Oppa. The “show your ID” is just a cop-out, Jungkook makes it obvious that he wants a Noona to adore and look up to. Partly, he’s doing it out of sheer fun, he’s playful, nimble. On the other hand, he’ll take it seriously. So he’ll diligently cater to you. For instance, he’ll be your humble yet sultry chef, not missing any opportunity to indulge you with his kitchen skills. He loves to cook because it pleases you so much, especially with an apron tied around his lovely slender hips, moving through the kitchen whistling and singing - he’s a treat, so charming. He’ll spoil you rotten and ask for your approval like this: “Noona tell me, did I do well?” Kookie knows you love his tight shirts and the side part so you can feel up his chest and silky hair. Hence he’ll take some time styling himself, is often seen somewhere ironing or folding the clothes you like on him. And he will style you, too! Cozy Jungkook attends to your locks in particular, he’ll comb and braid them just to hear you sigh under his relaxing hands while you two watch anime. He’ll also massage and tickle you if you demand it, and put on a suave dance as in Rainism to turn you on when you’re in the mood.

So when it comes down to sex: Take him out to your favorite restaurant and you can already see how much of a sensory gourmet he is. He’s not an extreme of sexual naïvity or total overdrive as it may seem. Jungkook will be fairly balanced, in fact. Have you seen how deliberately he manages his own body? The physical territory is where he roams successfully, and he is sure to become a connoisseur of your body in no time. Jungkook will do everything just right, stopping you or himself in whatever hurried tracks to keep it nuanced, healthy, and harmonious. He wants to be your baby boy, attending to every carnal wish that his Noona has. No suggestion or trick is too bizarre for him to make you cum. Because remember: He likes the fun of it. You could be the most awkward person in the world, Jungkook wants to really put you at ease. Thus, sex oscillates between relaxing and steamy. He’ll be so pleasing to your eyes, tongue, and hands with his sculpted body, and that’s just the beginning of it. This man embodies your ecstasy.

[poetrynwords4thesoul]

THE TROUBLE WITH HUMANITY: GOOD NEWS

There are some fundamental Truths that have been hidden from humanity from time immemorial. The paradox of this deception is that it’s out in the open. One must always remember that intelligence and “intellectual pursuit” is simply the collation of information, facts and knowledge. The definition of wisdom is the same as intelligence; but applied within context and to an extent, pragmatic. The general example is the well-known “tomatoes are a fruit (knowledge) but not including them in a fruit salad is “wisdom”. For a long time humanity has pursued knowledge with voracious appetite. This is one of the great defining characteristics of the human race: curiosity . The yearning to learn and know. This attribute has been the impetus for evolution and cultural progress. While most of this progress has been positive, human history has been written in blood, conflict, self-interest and greed . The human has achieved great strides but at a heavy cost. The human race has over time lost certain insights to truth and light and consequently abandoned the path to truth, happiness and complete peace. The basic truth is that we are souls and spirit having a human experience. The lie has been that we are humans who happen to have some sort of soul. One of the main faiths of mankind states that we are created in God’s image. Thus, if we are all different facets of the same God how would we endeavour to harm the other? REINCARNATION: is a fundamental fact of life. Karma is also as much a solid fact as the existence of Mt Everest. Reincarnation: souls come to this realm in order to learn and grow. For them to develop empathy but above all, be the expression of LOVE. Thus death is nothing to be feared but it is just a doorway. Something to even look forward to. The Creator is not so cruel as to give You Life to enjoy, make it entirely short, give you one shot at spiritual evolution and then judge and cast you to the fire for doing the very thing She asks you to do. Then demand worship. No, this is entirely a false premise based on a doctrine of fear meant to manipulate the lost sheep to absolute submission and obedience. There is complete absence of Love and Light in that dogma and thinking. Listen: You are Energy composed of Love and Light. Energy cannot be destroyed but merely changes form. Death is the not the end, but a new beginning and entry point to the spiritual and ether. That is your true actual home. This is fact. You already have everlasting Life. You existed before coming to Earth. “I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb, I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." Thus, because Home is a place of complete absolute indescribable Love and Bliss, it does not afford one the full array of options to grow through challenges, such as pain and suffering, physical limitation and fragility. It is a short stay, we are meant to realize and most importantly REMEMBER that it is a grand illusion, a play whose central theme is Love, in whatever shape or form. This play has cast and drama unique and specific to you, with the various characters connected to one another through lifetimes and karma. Remember: It is a matrix, but enjoy being in the matrix. Remember who You are: LOVE experiencing a human existence. LOVE: Love is the meaning of Life. Love never runs out, the more you give, the more you receive. It is the force of the creator and God’s very essence. One cannot be expected to graduate to the 4th grade if they have not learnt the lessons of the 3rd grade . The lessons to learn in this earthly realm are simple: Love unconditionally in-spite and despite imperfections Forgiveness Compassion Forgiveness: Once a person recognises that they are just but a beautiful divine soul full of light and God’s Love (which is inherent in all God’s creation) then they realise that they are already forgiven. No human is perfect but the task is to gradually and joyously work on one’s perceived shortcomings. Thus, there is simply nothing to forgive as You are a facet of the Creator experiencing life with all its challenges. The whole point is imperfection so you can joyously move at your own pace, enjoying the grand adventure towards the perfect Light of the Source. Its not a race. It’s not a requirement, either way, One day you will arrive. Everyone will. More than anything, one must forgive themselves and understand that they are not perfect. And that is perfectly fine. Then one should recognise and accept those perceived short comings, embrace them. Forgive yourself for it (including the past) and forgive others. You do not know why a soul chose to come to Earth and have a particular set of experience, so instead of judging, understand and look in the mirror. You will see the other person’s struggle in your own. It may not be identical, but pay close attention, You will see yourself in every person. Start LOVING yourself unconditionally. However, not in an egocentric way that hurts others. Just quiet radiant Love. We are our harshest judge and jury, and on that day of your life review, It is NEVER the Creator that judges; It is You. So be gentle and patient with yourself. Remind yourself you are like a child trying to learn to walk, you will fall many times, but eventually you will get there. Constantly forgive and Love yourself and get back on that horse. Don’t give up. Above all, Remember: YOU are LOVED ABSOLUTELY and UNCONDITIONALLY Thus when one Loves and forgives themselves, it radiates outwards and your light shines to inspire others. Be sincere to yourself .You are God’s creation, made in his image thus you cannot lie to God, because you will be lying to yourself. It’s not about being “holy”. It’s about acceptance and sincerity as a means to achieve inner peace. Moreover, when this perspective is achieved, one realises that judging others is selfpunishment as one should essentially be working on themselves, pointing a finger to another divine creation while ignoring one’s own flaws is self-judgment. One comes to Love and accept everyone and understand that we are all brothers and sisters having a human experience. And with this embrace of imperfections, comes tremendous peace and tranquillity. The blind prejudice of the ego gradually evaporates. When one gets to this level of Love and acceptance, what follows is Empathy. Because one realises that we all have difficulties in life and no one out of 6 billion souls on the planet is trouble free. We are all beautiful imperfections. When you develop empathy for all Creatures, then you have already started to realize that You are literally part of the Creator. You have extended your hand to touch the face of God. Because You see the Hand of God in everything. You lift another one by compassion, you lift yourself up and the universe. Hence turning the other cheek, for hurting another is hurting yourself. Thus the ultimate goal is LOVE and Empathy. Love and Empathy leads to Compassion. Do unto others as you would like it to be done to you. When one achieves this, they are in the doorstep of heaven (within) . These are the lessons of the Earthly realm, the purpose of Life. This is the true and pure dharma. Suffering: It is a very logical and rational question to ask, “Why should humanity suffer if God Loves us?” We suffer mainly for two reasons: Ego For growth and development. Life is 10% what happens to you but 90% how you react to it. You basically create your own karma. For every action, there is a reaction. The important thing is to remember the lesson learnt from the suffering and the positive that has come out of it. One must strive to rise above their current circumstances and turn it into a positive experience. A humble man with no income and financial security is more likely to be open to life’s lessons and have genuine relationships around him than a rich tycoon surrounded by sycophants . The kingdom of God (LOVE) is for the meek, the down trodden and the voiceless. Those who give with Love and gratitude. The key to the mastery of Life is walking the middle path as Guatama Buddha explained. In this specific context, have a productive life in the physical but continue to grow spiritually. As much as you indulge in the physical; having a career, a family, enjoying sport and music and playing with your child, remember your purpose is spiritual evolution and everything else is temporary, including even your family. Thus do not be attached to temporary situations, assets even relationships. Attachments result in enslavement. Appreciate what you have but do not tie it in with your wellbeing or happiness. True happiness is internal. Look for this. Recognize desire for what it is. Then weigh if it driven by Love or fear. However, You must remember to enjoy Life, for if you were to withdraw from society to focus solely on the spiritual isolated in the caves, You must ask yourself in what way have you contributed to the evolution of the human as a species and in the society. There must be a balance. Enjoyment and Awareness. Everything in the universe operates on a Ying and Yang balance, this understanding is crucial. Ego: The reason why there is so much suffering in the world is that the majority of humanity is driven by ego. Some attributes of the ego: Pride Anger Hate False Love (deluded) Bitterness Jealousy Insincerity Deception Modern society rewards those with ego with the highest accolades. A man with integrity and kindness of heart but little income will be ignored and often humiliated whereas a wealthy and powerful wicked man full of hate and pride with be given love and adoration by society. This has reduced the planet to complete utter rot. When one meditates and quietens the ego, they start to realise that that beautiful quiet inner voice is your Divine Higher Self. It is your divine eternal wisdom driven by Love and not ego. One must be humble and listen and learn like a child. A curious child does not let ego deter them from wanting to know. A child does not care if the teacher is young, old, atheist, religious, black, yellow, red or white. They just joyously receive. Ego blocks us from experiencing the beauty of Life and Love. Instead of seeing commonalities, we see differences. Ego is the separation from God/Love. Ego makes one feel superior to the other and this in turns destroys any chance of sharing, learning, peace and ultimately Love. The Creator seeks companionship, fellowship, unity and Oneness, like a beautiful flower in a garden full of flora and fauna, happy to share and experience the beauty of Creation, without possession or oppression. You will recognize power that is not divine because it will be divisive, it will be power Over instead of power With, instead of sharing, it will be jealously guarded and will never seek companionship outside its own kind. Hence power that comes from ego brings darkness of the soul and to the affected while that which comes from Love will bring Peace, Love and Unity. Man has been driven by ego in this age. Even while professing love for God in their religions, they have been busy fighting, judging, and killing each other over religions that ironically carry the message of LOVE. Thus the very institutions that should be advocates of peace and Love have been taken over by ego (greed, self-interest, bigotry, hypocrisy, guilt and deceit). Man has been enslaved by ego in all directions even when searching for his own redemption. Thus mankind has continued to pursue the elusive peace and happiness through ego. One cannot impose peace through war. Change has to come from within the individuals, then the immediate surroundings, society, nation and eventually the globe and even the universe. “Be the change that you want to see”-Gandhi. reflection and meditation. Reflection: To understand Peace, one must experience conflict. Ying and Yang. Thus when we are busy working on our own imperfections with humility, we become less judgmental and more joyous and accepting of those different from us. We realise that all races, are all different facets of the same: humanity. Ego destroys any chance of Love and racial or cultural harmony. The ego is ultimately “the devil”. From lower dimensions of fear, anger, pride, hate, guilt and deception. Taming the Ego A healthy ego is good for development (self-esteem) as long as it’s not harmful to others. One must embrace the ego within and learn to recognise it. If in an argument for example, and one gets angry (ego-perfectly human) one should try to understand the other person’s point of view. Empathize. Religion: Religion has been one of the ultimate failures of humanity. The central message of LOVE has been discarded and the tool of the message used as a weapon to subjugate, enslave and manipulate the innocent masses. Majority of the adherents of these religions such as Christianity, Islam, Baha’i, Sikhism, Hinduism, Buddhism etc are innocent people who yearn for peace and love but have been manipulated by those who have fallen far from the Creators grace because they worship their own ego to achieve their own ends, instead of leading the flock to the light. They insist on material wealth, misogyny, oppressive rules and laws and fear to exploit poor innocent Souls. This is why brother has turned against brother, mother against son, father against daughter, Muslim against Muslim, Christian against Christian, Buddhists committing atrocities, Hindus fighting their neighbours and so forth. Indigenous beliefs that revered the Divine Laws of Nature have been deemed as “evil”, “backward” and “uncivilized”. Yet the ancients had profound respect for the land, the sea, the environment and safeguarded it for the future generations. The ancients understood that they were just custodians and overseers of Creation but not the owners nor did they feel entitled to harness the gifts of nature for profit in order to the feed the ego through the greedy acquisition of wealth. On the other hand, organized religion has ignored the fundamental truths: 1- Love of God 2-Love of fellow man: If one Loved God, they would respect His creation .Both nature and fellow human beings. The question to ponder is: If we (as human beings) were created in his image (God) then how can one possibly harm another (God’s image)? Or worse, commit atrocities against nature. For the most reviled crime in society is crime against a child, yet even children have courts to protect them, nature doesn’t except to rely on the morality and ethics of the human being, unfortunately driven by money and obscene greed. It is paedophilia for profit. Simply put. We were created by the divine LOVE so that It (Source of Love, God, Creator) can experience Life through us. We are all simply different facets of the same creator living within us. From the water you drink to the stars at night, living creations having different forms and avenues of existence. Pay close attention. This is why Empathy is essential .Because everyone is on their own unique journey to learn, enjoy, and LOVE. It’s Not That Serious It is a short stay on Earth therefore it is important to be humble and to have fun. Like children out in the playing field at school. Think of this gorgeous animal, the Dolphin that is extremely in tune with nature, very intelligent, highly evolved and put in this planet to remind all and sundry about the joy of playfulness, companionship, appreciating nature, to see the humour of life, to be friendly to those who look different from us. Humans like to think they are the most evolved and intelligent creature, however this is like deciding the criteria for winning a sporting event and then awarding yourself a trophy. Its hilarious arrogance. Have Empathy, show gratitude and revere life, embrace and take care of the beauty of God’s creation: Land, Sea, Air, Animals, Microbes, Moon, Sun, Space and humanity . We are not entitled to any of it, we are just privileged to be guardians. State of The World Humanity has been programmed to think and act in a certain way that those who see the Truth for what it is have been repeatedly ridiculed ,humiliated ,called insane, creepy ,out of touch with reality ,hippy ,flower child, tree hugger and the list goes on . Most have paid with their lives or been derided to the point of withdrawal from human society. Calling someone “crazy” for non-conformity or because of little understanding their point of view demonstrates how little one’s Soul has evolved. It does not matter how well a pancake is cooked, It still has two sides. Do not reject those that dare to be different, appreciate them. This author has often been dismissed and rejected for his unorthodox perspective of the world. The society tries to hammer the nail that stands out, yet experience and history has shown that these rejects often become the corner stones of a great many societies and civilization. Again, judge not but show compassion and understanding. However, humanity condemns itself every time it extinguishes a light that shines to attempt to illuminate the Truth for what it is. Most messengers have been humble people with absolutely nothing to gain except spread peace and LOVE. Many of your sacred texts have foretold many of these messengers, and many messengers are sent to many communities and societies around the world. However, you shun them because they are different in appearance or conduct or lifestyle. You wait for prophesies to be fulfilled, however the time came and went because many were not paying attention. The messages are relayed in music, poetry and tales. The story of the Hobbit mirrors David and goliath. Some have agonized about the plight of Earth, wrote songs and poetry but we chose not to heed the message but judge the messenger. Or the other extreme; erroneously worship them. Open your eyes and discover angels among You. Some quietly healing the world, others more famous. They are there. Whether you believe it or not, it makes no difference. They sky won’t change colour because you deny its existence. Remember that: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”-Marianne Williamson. However the deceit of the world has blinded the masses with a cloak of ego (pride, prejudice, stubbornness) Thus humanity has made the choice to exist but not really live. The planet and humanity is slowly diminishing in its capacity to bring joy to future generations. In the constant struggle between Love and Fear (ego), as individuals, society and a planet, we must endeavour to ALWAYS choose LOVE. It is the path that leads home to Light. Nothing else. Everything comes down to a choice between those two primal frequencies. War There is no more profitable business than the business of war. War is also ego manifest. The same person supplying your enemy, is supplying you. You invite them to your table and break bread with them with your household. You share your laughter and secrets but they later use that as a potent weapon to enslave you in the long run. And they pretend to be your friend and fellow victim all along . The worse aspect of ego apart from fear and pride, is Deceit The deceitful few thrive on bloodshed and fear to create wealth and power. It’s a vicious cycle that the 99% of the world is caught up in, in an endless cycle of karmic violence while the few at the top reap all the benefit Laughter all the way to the bank at the expense of your sweat and blood. It’s not about race or religion. Those few choose to worship the ego. Which is pride, deceit and destruction. The devil. Fear. So what is the right religion? One should concentrate on Love. Be empathetic to fellow man Listen to great wise souls amongst them. Yearn to learn from other cultures Respect the Land .It is green. The colour of righteousness and conscience .It represents God’s creation. It is submission to God. How do I make a Difference? Put a smile on someone’s face. Show empathy to the less fortunate. Do not show off your good works but be stealthy in your fight for LOVE and Light. “Let not your right hand know the charitable works of the left”. Remember that: If You want to Know Why, There’s Life that cannot Lie, Love is strong, It only cares for Joyful Giving If we try we shall see, In this Bliss, we cannot Feel, Fear of dread We stop existing and start Living .-Michael. Racism: In reality, there are two races on earth. The haves (1%) and the have nots (99%). And if it was not for the ego, we would clearly see that we are one human family. Humanity should appreciate that they are different facets of LOVE and species, and embrace our differences as one species. For example: People of African descent (black people) tend to be very expressive musically and spiritually. Caucasians are a very curious and adventurous bunch about the world around them and love to explore Asians know the mysteries of the human body and the mind. Those from the Middle East are great theological scholars. Indians are great mystics of the spiritual. Native Americans and Aboriginals understand the divine spirit of nature and the Oneness of All. The Micronesians, Polynesians comprehend the stars and the seas despite the vastness of it all. And so forth. If Humanity saw this as different strengths of the same team, then humanity will be better off in the end. And what joy would that bring on earth! A blank boring canvass transforms into a gorgeous painting when all the various colours are applied in their various shapes and forms. Such is the Human Family world over. This wisdom can be achieved by regular meditation. Sabbath is time for meditation and reflection. “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” Martin Luther King, Jr. Atheists: There are divine forces in nature that we cannot conceive or perceive with our simple common senses but we all have an intuition there is a beyond what we know or perceive . For example, we know we need oxygen to survive but no one has actually seen or grasped oxygen physically. Source is not some grandfatherly dude far off and nonchalant in how we relate. Source is Love. The force of Life. God is everywhere and most of all inside you with your every breath. Thus ever single creation one sees is not accidental, it is the very expression of God’s Love. Everyone is God’s beautiful manifestation of Love. There is no such thing as a series of coincidences. Only a pattern of clues. However, Atheist are greatly admired because when they show acts of Love and Compassion, it’s not with the expectation of a reward in an afterlife or out of religious duty but done with heartfelt honesty There cannot be a higher ideal to aspire to. Nobody cares about piety and who has the correct dogma, It’s all trivial compared to caring for Creation and showing Love. Live, Love, Laugh, Play, Experience, Create, Dance, Cry….just Be. That’s all that’s required. The universe has a great sense of humour. It is the nature of the Source. It is inherent in all Creation. Make sure you laugh, Life is enjoyment without restriction as long you are not harming another. Concept of Free Will: We have been accorded free will for simply one reason. We are imperfect. We are human . Change has to come from within but in order to make the change, one has to make the choice to do so. If we conquer that fear and aspire to change, then automatically the world around us starts reflecting the change and our light automatically starts to shine brighter. Fear is ego. It makes us less receptive to what is unfamiliar, even when it’s the Truth and it speaks to our souls. Just the intention to make positive change sets things in motion to create a better world . If it was not for this free will, we would have been condemned for our iniquities Such is the grace of the Source. God is Love. He/She is your divine higher self. The quiet voice that whispers in that comforting voice and knows what’s right. Jihad The meaning of Jihad is NOT physical war. LOVE would not permit harm on another for the sake of Love. It’s redundant. Jihad is the internal struggle between good and evil. Love and Fear. Divine Higher Self and the ego (false sense of separation from the All). Jihad is the decision to do right or wrong. The burden of free will. Social Media Social media have largely been designed to take attention from the journey to self-improvement and reduced it to a constant state of judgmental. Social media when abused literally shifts focus from Love and Self-discovery to on one self (presenting the best of yourself for the sake of adoration) while continuously judging others. It is also detrimental for mental health as it assaults one’s self esteem continuously. However like any tool by man, it can be used to spread Love and positivity or as a potent to tool of hate and egocentric power. Ultimately, the ego of the user will be their eventual downfall depending on how they use it. Karma For every action, there is a reaction. Cause and Effect. You reap what you sow. An example: when you tell a lie. You have to keep the lie and before you know it, you are living the lie to sustain the appearance of it being the truth. When the Truth eventually comes out, the small initial lie has grown out of proportion and has become an untameable monster that starts consuming the liar. Because you can lie to others but NOT yourself and therefore God. Thus the insincerity and guilt consumes you (the liar) on a daily basis. That is what is called Karma. However, the universe and the Source approach to karma, is with very many big carrots for the good deeds and small sticks for the bad karma. You need not suffer bad karma if you have learnt from your bad deed and shown growth and change, much like a child need not be punished for a mistake already learnt from. The GOOD NEWS is, when we do acts of compassion and Love, the ripple effect is many many many many more times greater than the bad karma. Love wants you to grow, not punish. It is a fact.

[shenanigumi]

Astrology: Yukimura Chizuru

Part III: Western Zodiac – Aspects.

Sun Conjunct Mercury

Good mind, working constantly; enjoys talking with people

Great need to express opinions; can’t stand it when not taken seriously

Extremely subjective in opinions, which can be expressed forcefully

Expresses self articulately, communicating easily

Gifted at stimulating people who lack enthusiasm; functions best in positions requiring skill

Has a youthful quality that makes them less convincing, especially to older or more mature individuals

Creative, sometimes even inspired; must try not to take self too seriously

Needs to slow down and give all faculties a chance to rest

Good ability to make plans and set off in the desired direction

Understanding of a partner’s needs may be colored by own desires, causing misinterpretation of clear cues to the contrary

Style of expression is to speak from the heart

Sun Conjunct Saturn

Serious, profoundly moved by things that gain their attention; will always seem older than they are

Even while young, wants to do meaningful and important work

Likely to be very hard on self, either demanding too much of self or feeling that others demand too much

May hold self back so that it is difficult to let go, or may hold back due to fear that others will not allow them to be themselves

May be difficult to express emotions to others; may feel lonely and cut off from people

Sense of discipline and ability to work hard contributes to good standing with others

More capable of handling responsibility than most, but may resent it if others come to expect them to always take the burden

Matured rather early; may have been disciplined more strictly than other children

Does not generally express opinion without reason; not quick to assert will, but expects others to listen when they do

Must be careful to avoid self-pity if achieving goals seems to be a long and painful process; objectives will be permanently secure once realized due to tremendous investment.

Will choose a partner who has self-respect, an important quality; must have humility and sincerity

Should get away from routine occasionally and indulge self

Has a special capacity for intensity in love due to taking life fairly seriously; must be sure that this is reciprocated to avoid inadvertent emotional injury

May be happiest with a partner who is a little less serious to lift spirits

Sun Conjunct Neptune

Sensitive; inclined to withdraw from fights

Kind, compassionate, overly receptive to others’ negative feelings

Must learn to distinguish between fantasy and reality; mentally creates a world they can accept, which may bear little resemblance to facts

Uncertain, doubtful about capabilities

Veiled outlook on life cultivated to avoid unpleasantness, ignore personal responsibilities

Has special gifts, but must be trained to use them constructively and/or gain recognition

Suited to medicine as a profession

Life’s realities may be abrasive to sensitive nature, but must learn to face them; should try not to project unrealistic expectations to avoid disappointment

Tends to be idealistic, to have high expectations about love/sex, which may be unrealistic, but perfectionism in love can still lead to redefinition of relationships

Should emphasize forgiving nature and allow reality to determine what is enjoyable

Has a special talent for fantasy, and will appreciate a partner who enjoys developing and fulfilling them

Sun Square Jupiter

Tends to overdo things; must learn to understand limitations, act moderately, and not take on more than they can handle

Learning to live with reality leads to an excellent sense of timing, knowing what they are doing and when to do it

Must learn to examine priorities carefully before acting to avoid wasting effort and time

Enjoys challenges, but may have to endure failure before succeeding

May make promises they cannot always fulfill, even if they fully intend to do so at the time of making them

Inclined towards accidents; should avoid doing things on impulse

Tends to do either too much or not enough in love relationships; should find a partner with a steadying hand to let them know how to act

Sun Trine Midheaven

Practical; has strong ideals, but unlikely to get carried away

Has a strong sense of own identity and values; will not get along well with those whose values are very different

Authority figures in life (e.g. parents) strongly influence notions of success

Sun Trine Moon

Can approach any difficulty in life with complete strength and unity of purpose; habits and unconscious feelings work for their intentions rather than against them

Easy approach to life, flowing with events without offering much resistance; strain is unnecessary

Harmonious balance between will, habits, and emotions; when dealing with serious tensions, capable of devoting energy to resolving them without worrying about fighting internal battles

Tends to be apathetic rather than deliberately asserting self

Has an abundance of creative talent, usefully applied in situations involving people in close relationships

Sincerity and honesty add to attractiveness; warm and friendly toward casual acquaintances as well as close friends

Resilient personality is basically in tune, giving a flair for both luck and timing in love relationships

Innate ability to take things in stride

Has more internal stability than many people, so can more easily support a partner requiring emotional support

Love relationships grow steadily, not as subject to sudden ups and downs as others’

Sun Sextile Mars – see also: Hijikata

Has a strong sense of fairness and justice; will stand up for beliefs

Will come to the defense of those unjustly attacked; regards friends as extensions of self and reacts to attacks accordingly

Good team worker/player, but can work alone if need be

Has good health and incredible energy; must be careful to stay active

Uses intellectual abilities to find the best way to apply talents

Firm in opinions, but open to suggestions from others; will admit any errors made

Communication is a great strength; interests are varied, but may be particularly skilled at writing

Likes to be where the action is

Can be pushy in self-expression, but generally relates to people in a non-threatening way

Even flow of energy; after beginning an activity, works steadily and consistently

In love, capable of expending strong physical and emotional energies that are even and dependable; reliable in love as well as in other areas

Moon Opposition Mars

Must learn to distinguish between what is important and unimportant

May be afraid to be wrong or make mistakes

Can be energetic, a hard worker, able to accomplish a great deal

In relationships, constantly involved in crises; must learn to exercise greater self-discipline

Changes in emotional state may cause great variations in energy level; romantically, a partner with more even emotions may help regulate this

Sexual performance and enjoyment is consistent when balanced

Moon Square Uranus

Subconsciously looking to bring excitement and change into life; strong need for unusual experiences, attracted to new and different things

Tends to act without thinking when upset

May be impatient, impulsive; lacks caution in judgment, encouraging accidents

Needs to relate to romantic partners on an equal basis

Moon Square Pluto – see also: Hijikata

Often at the mercy of intense emotions

Will go through several critical times needing understanding and support from loved ones; may become better, wiser, and more mature as a result

Feels deeply, finds it difficult to let go of the past

Tends to be a loner, but able to relate to others intensely

Wants to enjoy love without any limitations; can be an extremist

Can be very useful when motivated by concern for others

Moon Trine Mercury

Always expresses emotions and innermost feelings to others; important to be understood

Able to sense the needs of a group and respond accordingly

Mind balances reason and feeling

Willing to accept all experiences to enrich consciousness

Warmly sympathetic toward everyone, never too busy to offer assistance; earns their affection because of fairness

Eager to make their life useful, expressive

Willing to ask for help if unable to solve a problem

May have emotional anxieties, but is aware of this

Life should be happy and full of close friends, pleasant social activities, comfortable domestic conditions

Moon Trine Venus

Emotions are rich and beautiful; expresses them freely to others, displaying true self

Knack for getting along with people; tries to make peace

Likes beauty, appreciates art

Prefers ease, comfort to strenuous activity in work or play

Gentle, harmonious, trusting disposition; optimistic about success in relationships

Attractive; imagination is creative, inspired

Able to assert self warmly, sincerely, imaginatively; calm appearance is infectious, brightens days

Does not try to override others’ opinions; never offensive or coarse, unable to tolerate vulgarity

Emotional satisfaction derived from honest, sincere relationships

May become involved with a partner who is less stable, to add some action and excitement

Mercury Conjunct Venus

Likes to be surrounded by beauty; depressed by ugliness, unpleasantness

Looks for form and beauty in ideas as well as objects; may think visually instead of just connecting ideas

Good at winning people over, soothing hurt feelings, helping settle quarrels fairly

Affable manner, social grace; gets along well with others due to knowing when to compromise

Gentle, easygoing, may find it difficult to cope with harshness of direct competition

Natural talent for expressing self; may enjoy writing

Good at communicating needs and desires in a relationship

Mercury Square Jupiter

Able to understand ideas that are not obvious to others, but without discipline, may jump to conclusions without knowing all the facts

Generous, optimistic, likeable

Some discrepancy between beliefs and truth; good intentions, but misinformed and lacking incentive

May suffer from nervous disorders, mental anxieties over life direction, pain of competition; frequent rest advised

Mercury Sextile Mars

Stands up for beliefs; has no wish to control others’ opinions, but will not be controlled by anyone else either

Insatiable curiosity, imaginative self-expression

Enjoys meeting people and talking with them; a good listener

Friendly attitude towards everyone; able to admit mistakes

In a relationship, should seek a somewhat skeptical partner for the purposes of testing strength of will/ideas

Venus Opposition Ascendant

Likes to get to know people one at a time

Needs others’ affection and will work hard, though subtly, to get it;  conceals negative qualities and insecurities

Risk of dependency due to concentrating on others’ thoughts; prefers warmth and friendliness, finds it difficult to stand alone

Does not want to make enemies, works hard to avoid conflict; makes concessions to maintain harmony

Likes loving, feeling loved

Drawn to refined, sophisticated people; well-mannered, docile, gentle, charming, others usually have a good opinion of them

Relationships should be positive; attracts people who are good for them, will probably marry only once and live happily

Having a partner is of the utmost importance, allowing them to satisfy most of their personal needs

Lavishes attention on partner; must be careful not to let them take advantage of generosity and ensure they reciprocate

Should be tolerant of faults in the short run but demand they be corrected in time to encourage development

More likely than most to have a solid, loving partnership as life’s major reward

Venus Square Midheaven

Loving, warm, finds it easy to get along with people; being on good terms with others is important

Must be sure not to give up parts of self in seeking love and approval; must learn to set own standards, follow own goals, rather than reflect others’ wishes

Mars Opposition Midheaven

Subject to compulsive desires; determines the course of own life

Objective success not as important as inner satisfaction

Mars Square Ascendant

Must learn to be careful and stop doing anything remotely dangerous until in complete control of self

Admires people who can translate capabilities into gain

In a relationship, looks may belie energy, which may lead to possible misunderstandings

The longer they know a partner, the more satisfying sexual expression will become as they work toward full and mutual enjoyment

Should be careful to keep pressures of home or work from getting in the way of lovemaking

Mars Square Uranus

Must learn to act more cautiously with better planning

Has a need for excitement; bored by routine

Will fight when they must

Undercurrent of measured caution always accompanies professional activities, may delay reaching goals but provide a more solid foundation

Romantic needs are strong, desires well-developed

Tries to cover up natural impatience in lovemaking; style is meticulous and tender, but with a rougher inner core

Jupiter Square Saturn

Mentally restless, finds it difficult to accept the world as is

May experience problems in self-awareness

Accomplishment comes from much hardship and self-denial; no easy road to victory

Faith can offer comfort through difficult periods, bring assurance when goals are reached

In a relationship, may find it difficult to balance sexual inhibitions with enthusiasm; may need to restructure attitude to bring beliefs in line with enjoyment

Jupiter Square Neptune

Nonjudgmental, willing to accept others’ flaws; likes to see the best in people, ignoring bad qualities even when they cause damage

May set ideals too high or have inflated expectations, leading to disappointment, disillusionment

Refuses to let fear get in the way of trying out new things

Dreamy, self-indulgent, goals may be difficult to realize

Sympathetic, kindly, but may make the mistake of extending self for people who will take advantage

Should be hesitant and cautious in everything, try not to emotionalize romantic attachments or cling to illusions

Jupiter Trine Ascendant

Likes to view the world from as broad a perspective as possible to help them make sense of things

Has been curious all their life, wanting to know the answers to as many questions as possible

Can overestimate others’ skills and underestimate their own, leading to a defeatist attitude and some anxiety; should concentrate on gaining excellence in own way

Hopes to gain superiors’ respect in work and attempts to overachieve to gain their respect; already regarded more highly than they think

In relationships, may feel that normal activities are enjoyable without the need for anything more

Jupiter Sextile Uranus

Optimistic, hopeful about the future; has fundamental faith that everything will work out as long as it stays interesting

Likes change and activity in life; wants to be with interesting people

May be lucky due to projecting positive energies

Self-discovery is a perpetual process that will never cease

Honesty is important; will detach from insincere people

In a relationship, approaches new experiments gradually instead of leaping into the unknown and risking emotional injury

Saturn Conjunct Neptune

Fearful, tends toward depression

Able to live with very little materially and otherwise; great capacity to sacrifice self for others or beliefs

Psychic; experiences guide development of intuition

In a relationship, composed; a practical idealist

May be happy in a restricted relationship without much personal freedom due to feelings of stability and support

Extremely loyal to a chosen partner; once committed, hangs onto a relationship through thick and thin

Saturn Trine Midheaven

Tries to take good care of possessions, arrange them neatly, use them in the best possible way; willing to work for what is worth having

Will always get along well with authority figures

Neptune Trine Midheaven

Idealistic, strong need to be of service to others

Sensitive, reserved, shy; feelings easily hurt

Fascinated by the mysterious and supernatural

Neptune Sextile Pluto (generational)

No information available

All text paraphrased from Robert Hand and Robert Pelletier, as accessed through Astrodienst.

Part I (Signs)

Part II (Houses)

[awakenedredemption]

[ S I L V E R ] liked for a starter! -— [💥彡] —( @dieviskais )

-— 💥彡 Despite still being on the road to recovery from the recent war between the Resistance versus Eggman and Infinite, civilians within the city of Westopolis were bustling with activity. They were in high spirits as the festivity known as ‘Halloween’ was making its yearly debut closer to the end of October. With constant despair in the air, it was... sincerely heart-warming to see individuals lifting each other’s spirits. Although mankind rallying together positive energy over some ‘planetary celebrated holiday’ seemed strange in theory, Shadow felt it was actually a tremendous first step in returning to the world’s ‘everyday norm’. Society earned this and deserved a boost in moral.

For the first time in a few weeks, G.U.N. was able to give its work force a breather, allowing Shadow free roam of the city. Sure the hedgehog technically was always on duty and could be called in at anytime, but the lack in obligation to be somewhere was a nice change.

The ebony anti-hero found himself in front of a stall-like stand where Halloween masks varying from goblins to ghouls could be found, along with it carrying various other ‘spooky’ essentials. He was drawn to a particular mask, one that mimicked the appearance of a ‘vampire’ while fake ‘vamp-teeth’ sat wrapped in tiny baggies by its side. Picking the mask up, Shadow scanned its exterior. For what looked to be cheap from a distance, the mask actually had an impressive amount of detail put into it. It was a pull over mask; One that would fit the ‘general masses’, but because of Shadow’s quills, it seemed almost impossible to fit on his head, and even if it did, it would more than likely look disturbingly distorted once on.

The anti-hero shook his head slightly at the thought, placing the mask back in its original location. As Shadow made a mental compromise with himself, he instead ended up purchasing two of those tiny packs of vampire teeth. It was nothing but a simple, self-indulgent purchase; Probably one of many he’d face today. As Halloween was one of Shadow’s favorite holidays, it was that rare time of the year he’d also participate in the spirit of things buying scented candles for his apartment along with small bits of Halloween-esc decor.

It wasn’t before long Shadow now found himself in front of a small, but humble store. The Halloween aesthetic of this place was insane. They went all out; Cobwebs, scare crows, and even a mini row of ghosts were decorated at the store’s front. Once inside, the amount of decor would multiply. The owners of this place clearly felt passionate toward the upcoming holiday, and Shadow approved. Not that they needed his approval, it was merely something he mentally noted. Such blatant passion only assured the hedgehog that this time of celebration was required— Humanity could express themselves in a creative, ‘spook-tacular’ way allowing them time to remember and bask in something of great importance; To enjoy ‘the little things in life’.

If the decor wasn’t enough to entice Shadow to enter inside, his next discovery would. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a silver-like hedgehog standing near the entrance of one of the store’s isles.There was a sense of familiarity while looking the hedgehog over. He resembled someone the dark hedgehog knew quite well... if not nearly identical to him. What could this mean? Was it an impostor? Who knows, maybe something under the radar set in motion by the doctor himself... Whatever the case may be, it now had Shadow’s attention. His ‘spending’ affairs would need to be put on hold, at least for now. With determination shown in his eyes, Shadow made his way into the store post-haste. He effortlessly made his way through several patrons of the store now standing by the silver hedgehog’s side. With a pleasant tone, Shadow began his subtle investigation.

“Excuse me, I couldn’t help but notice you’re eyeing several candles I myself have been on the fence in purchasing. Pumpkin pie... or pumpkin chai?” The hedgehog stifled a chuckle, now holding the pumpkin pie candle close to his face in order to view it more efficiently.

“To most deciding upon either one wouldn’t be a dilemma, as they’re both pumpkin when you look past their particular scents— but I have a feeling you’re just as sensitive to smells as I am. A second opinion would be very beneficial to me if you have time?”

[ramajmedia]

M. Night Shyamalan's 10 Most Memorable Scenes, Ranked

M. Night Shyamalan has been subjected to a critical rollercoaster, even by his own fanbase. It can be fun and easy to indulge negativity, but there’s more than enough of that going around. Let’s review some of Shyamalan’s most iconic sequences.

RELATED: M. Night Shyamalan's Movies, Ranked By Rotten Tomatoes Score

Even though some might wholeheartedly reject his writing, he’s consistently proven to have a skilled eye for camerawork. Also, he’s developed his own appealing brand— ultimately, a reserved and thematically ambitious approach to genre films. Shyamalan remains a gifted film-maker, a master of the incredible twist ending, and his works are always sure to surprise viewers. Watch out for spoilers!

10 The Village: Monster In The Woods

The Village was the first outright rejected Shyamalan film, which is really a shame. Firstly, the movie was poorly marketed as a straight-up monster movie. Also, Shyamalan’s reputation probably misled people too. Unfortunately, not everyone responded particularly well to his prior film.

Nevertheless, the movie boasts has a beautiful score by James Newton Howard, and certainly a stand-out performance from Bryce Dallas Howard. In this scene, the lovelorn Noah attacks Howard’s protagonist Ivy in the woods. The setting is inherently creepy, a primal and isolated place, the practical effects are compelling, and the monstrous sounds are guttural and disconcerting. What really makes this scene memorable is the tragedy of Noah’s death.

9 Split: The Horde

The Academy has it in for genre films, because James McAvoy deserved an Oscar for Split. His various personalities are profoundly distinct, not only by their voices, but with their body language. The story is revealed to exist in a totally fictional universe of superheroes.

McAvoy is one of the few actors that could sell a scene like this so convincingly. He shuffles through a few different characters in a single scene, as they battle for control—“the light.” It’s a truly stunning, unsettling moment that showcases McAvoy’s range. The different personalities also escalate the tension throughout, by altering the circumstances. The so-called “Horde” reveals a shotgun and asks for death, details plans, and finally becomes The Beast.

8 Signs: Musings On Coincidence

Signs gets a bad reputation for its twist ending. Truthfully, though, the weakness to water always felt like a simple nod to War of the Worlds. The aliens meet their comeuppance in an unexpected way, which they should’ve anticipated. It’s easy to forget that the film has stunning performances, one of Howard’s best compositions, and masterful creative direction.

RELATED: The 10 Most Memorable Stephen Spielberg Characters, Ranked

Yet, for all of the thrills in an alien invasion, it’s thematically intriguing. Shyamalan bluntly spells it out in this superb scene—do you believe in coincidences? Both Joaquin Phoenix and Mel Gibson answer that difficult question with fantastic monologues, respectively humorous and deeply moving.

7 Unbreakable: Bench Pressing

Unbreakable was quite ahead of its time, certainly regarding the superhero business today. Unfortunately, its slow pace made it inaccessible to some. Still, the writing is witty, the performances are incredible, and the camerawork is truly inventive. The particularly meticulous camera is likely due to the comic book influence. It effectively captures the essence of a book’s panels.

This origin story both understands and adores comics. The film is entirely about self-discovery, and how the absence of true purpose can be mercilessly ruinous. So, the first time protagonist David tests his limits at the workout bench is especially memorable. The music for the climactic lift is phenomenal, and the scene balances fun humor with genuine excitement. We urgently want David to be a superhero, and he discovers that truth using an everyday exercise we can imagine for ourselves.

6 Split: Twist Ending

The Visit had more or less warmed people back up to Shyamalan after a decade of critical punishment. He returned to the smaller, intimate stories that he always thrived in. Using that formula for Split resulted in a compelling thriller with grounded supernatural elements.

After Shyamalan’s first Hollywood hit, he became known for twist endings. He’s incorporated more than a few, to various degrees of success. This time, he totally revolutionized the twist—because it’s actually a reveal. The ending instantly forgives the improbable moments, and delivers the long-awaited sequel to Unbreakable. It’s a genuine, welcome surprise that changes the context of the entire film, like any good twist. Only then does it become clear why the central characters are broken people.

5 Signs: You’ll Lose The Signal

It’s always impressive when a genre film like this can frighten you in broad daylight. More than delivering thrills, though, this scene really captures a sense of wonder. Until this point, the family has been unwilling to fully entertain the possibility of the alien threat as reality.

RELATED: 5 Reasons Signs Is M. Night Shyamalan's Best Film (And 5 Why It's His Worst)

When the baby monitor starts to pick up an alien signal, the mystery is too intriguing. The direction is totally engaging, and the audio design is ominous. What’s truly clever about this scene is that it establishes the baby monitor as a crucial tool of suspense. Later on, this once profound experience becomes the signal for a home intrusion.

4 Signs: Birthday Party Intruder

Shyamalan spends the majority of the film hiding his aliens from plain view. The sense of mystery is ramped up by various close encounters beforehand. Then, in a claustrophobic closet, Joaquin Phoenix’s character is glued to a television and witnesses the true alien form.

In one of many nods to The Birds, the first blatant intrusion of the supernatural occurs at a child’s birthday party. That found-footage element really pays off the anticipation, and a brief moment of humor with Phoenix provides good pacing. The music is perfect, the alien design is eerie, and the abrupt full view is shocking. More so, the extreme panic from the eyewitnesses is very immersive and disturbing.

3 Unbreakable: The Orange Man

Unbreakable is an origin story, and a fascinating one at that. The journey is so engrossing that it absolutely required a strong payoff. In this scene, David Dunn finally becomes a superhero. He collected visions at the stadium workplace, and after seeing clues relating to a serial killer, he tracks the criminal down. David even dons the security outfit as a superhero costume of sorts.

A family is at risk, and during the battle to rescue them, David is thrown directly into his weakness—a pool of water. The physical struggle with the killer is brutal, with an extensive choke scene as the music swells. The imperfect rescue tragically ends with the mother dying. This universe is much like ours, beating many superhero movies to that conceit.

2 The Sixth Sense: I See Dead People

The Sixth Sense is an astonishing film, including some innovative camerawork and one of the best child performances of all time. That alone is one of the reasons this scene is so famous in pop culture. The premise of this film is not original, but the approach to the psychic phenomena is sincere to an unprecedented degree.

It doesn’t feel gimmicky and it delivers a level of authenticity that many films about the paranormal don’t bother to. In this scene, the protagonist finally gets his patient to reveal the secret that literally haunts him. The boy’s deeply emotional description of the phenomena sets up one of the most brilliant twist endings in the history of film.

1 The Sixth Sense: They Don’t Know They’re Dead

The ending of The Sixth Sense became a legendary staple of pop culture and horror. It was also a maneuver that basically secured Shyamalan’s entire career. The twist completely rearranges the context of every scene with the protagonist throughout the entire film. But most importantly, every clue that you needed to solve the twist was hidden in plain sight. That’s what makes for the most intelligent mysteries and twists.

It’s also a tremendously heartbreaking scene, as Dr. Crowe speaks with his wife one last time before moving on. It’s bittersweet, both hopeful and tragic, and deeply moving. Closing on that note, rather than the shock of the big reveal, encapsulates the entire film.

NEXT: Bruce Willis' 10 Most Badass Characters

source https://screenrant.com/m-night-shyamalan-most-iconic-memorable-scenes-ever-ranked/

[love-god-forever]

Recovering From Betrayal in Marriage With God’s Guidance

By Zhaoyun

Editor’s Note:

What would you do if the person you love most betrayed you? In “Silently Waiting,” Amy Cheung wrote, “When you have the feeling that the person you love is unfaithful to you, you may pretend not to know. Pretending not to know is avoidance and self-deception, but it is also waiting.”

It’s true. As an abandoned woman who’s not going to make a terrible scene, the choice is to be silent and move him through love. This is giving yourself a way out, and it’s giving him an opportunity. This is how a lot of people handle betrayal by their other half. But how can you bear the bitter misery behind that silence? If your silence can’t get him to turn back, what do you do? I really understand the struggles and the suffering behind your silence and hope that today’s essay can help you.

Girl watching the lake

One Phone Call Starts a Tidal Wave

“Your husband seduced my wife and ruined my family. I’m not going to let him get away with this!”

Holding the phone in my hand, I froze, staring blankly, and didn’t come to for some time. My husband had been unfaithful? How could that be? We’d been married for more than a decade and had always maintained our feelings for each other. He had solemnly vowed to me that he would only love me for the rest of his life, and after our daughter was born he took even better care of me. Everyone was envious of what a great husband I had—how could he cheat on me now, when I’m pregnant again? No, it simply couldn’t be true!

I hurriedly hung up the phone and then it occurred to me that recently every time I came home from working the night shift, it looked like the bedding hadn’t been touched at all and my husband hadn’t been there that night. Could it be that he really had someone else, that he was taking advantage of my nights at work to find a mistress? All at once I felt incredible pain, afraid that the family we had worked so hard to build all these years was about to fall apart.

I thought to myself that I couldn’t make a big fuss, but should pretend that I didn’t know anything. Maybe my silence and patience could win his heart back. If he changed his mind, I was willing to let go of the past and make a fresh start.

The Struggle and Suffering Behind the Silence

After that, oddly, our home phone started ringing pretty frequently but if I answered the other person didn’t say anything; it was just silent. I didn’t understand—could it be that woman?

I held back my grief and anger and bore the suffering on my own, and forced myself to interact with my husband with a smile on my face. I even started doing more to care for him. But he became colder and colder toward me, often coming home late from work, and when I came home from working the night shift I saw that the bed hadn’t been disturbed. I knew that he was spending the night somewhere else. I was upset and in pain, and considering the child in my belly, I was also afraid that if I made a scene I’d just push my husband into that woman’s arms. I just silently bore his infidelity and tried to comfort myself, if I went along with him, and didn’t expose him I hoped that my tolerance would move him, and maybe he’d turn back for the sake of our child.

After a period of time passed, I wanted to mention my pregnancy to give my husband a bit of a nudge.

I asked him calmly, “I’m three months along now. Should I have this baby?”

With a look of total indifference, he shot back, “Get rid of it, don’t have it!”

In that moment it felt like a knife twisting in my heart, like the sky was about to come crashing down. Before, he had said that he wanted the second child whether it was a boy or a girl, but now he was saying he wanted me to get rid of it. He cruelly didn’t even want his own flesh and blood for that woman! Hurt, pain, a feeling of being wronged, and bewilderment all welled up in my heart. I thought back over the last ten-plus years. He had always been so loving toward me—how could his feelings just change on a dime? My suffering was immense, and I was hurting just as if a sword had pierced my chest. The tears flowed without stopping. Without an intact family, what would happen to our daughter? What about the child in my womb?

Forbearance Intensifies My Suffering

Faced with my husband’s heartless indifference left me feeling deflated. When I thought of how unconcerned my husband already was with our family, I figured having the child would just lead to more pain. Steeling myself against the suffering, I had an abortion. I became very weak after the abortion and since my husband never came home and there was no one to look after me, I ended up with a gynecological condition. The torment of my condition as well as my husband’s indifference left me speechless with pain. I kept thinking back: Over our decade-plus, I’d never lost my temper with my husband, so why would he betray me? How could he be so lacking in conscience? What was it that I had done wrong? The more I thought about it the more I suffered. I hated my husband’s heartlessness, and I particularly hated that woman.

I was constantly in low spirits and couldn’t help but start quietly crying as soon as I thought of my husband’s affair. Afraid of being mocked, I didn’t dare tell anyone about it, but just forced myself to keep smiling all the time. But there was a tremendous pressure on my heart and I really felt like I’d be better off dead. But so that my daughter could have a complete family and because I couldn’t dare to let go of what we’d had all those years, I tried to maintain contact with him, hoping to win back his heart.

One night I said to my husband sincerely, “We’ve been together for over a decade and we’ve always been happy together. Why did you get involved with that woman? If she’s better than I am in every way and you’re certain you want to be with her, I’m willing to get a divorce.”

“I’m not getting a divorce; you’re a good wife.”

I urged him, “If you say that, then we should make a fresh start and you should stop seeing her.”

He didn’t utter a word but just turned and walked off, then went to sleep. Seeing he had no intention of turning back, I once again emotionally hit rock bottom. I was both sad and angry that he didn’t want to get a divorce but still was unwilling to leave that woman—how had he become so immoral? Why did that woman seduce my husband and destroy our home? The more I thought about it the more the hatred in my heart grew and I even thought about getting revenge on her. I gave up on that thought out of fear that it would strip up trouble that could impact my daughter. But in the end, all of my forbearance couldn’t win my husband back—he ran off with that woman, leaving me and my daughter with just each other to rely on.

God’s Salvation Comes to Me When I am in Torment

My daughter was in middle school at that time; I just had a job at the factory to earn money for her education, so we lived a pretty simple live. Every time I thought my husband’s cruelty and selfishness and how he had abandoned his wife and child for that woman, only caring about enjoying his own self-indulgent day, my hatred for him grew and grew and I even thought about finding another male companion to get my revenge. I dispensed with that idea when I thought about how it would hurt my daughter. But my husband’s betrayal loomed over my heart, becoming pain that never went away. There was no one to talk to about it; I just swallowed all of it, spending every day in torment. I couldn’t help but look up to the sky and exclaim: “When will this all finally end? Who can come save me?”

Then one day, I had the good fortune of accepting God’s salvation of the last days. I read these words of God, “One after another, all these trends carry an evil influence that continually degenerates man, causing them to continually lose conscience, humanity and reason, and that lowers their morals and their quality of character more and more, to the extent that we can even say the majority of people now have no integrity, no humanity, neither do they have any conscience, much less any reason. So what are these trends? You cannot see these trends with the naked eye. When the wind of a trend blows through, perhaps only a small number of people will become the trendsetters. They start off doing this kind of thing, accepting this kind of idea or this kind of perspective. The majority of people, however, in the midst of their unawareness, will still be continually infected, assimilated and attracted by this kind of trend, until they all unknowingly and involuntarily accept it, and are all submerged in and controlled by it. For man who is not of sound body and mind, who never knows what is truth, who cannot tell the difference between positive and negative things, these kinds of trends one after another make them all willingly accept these trends, the life view and values that come from Satan. They accept what Satan tells them on how to approach life and the way to live that Satan ‘bestows’ on them. They have not the strength, neither do they have the ability, much less the awareness to resist.”

I saw from this passage of God’s words that societal trends are a tactic, a means that Satan uses to corrupt mankind. In today’s society, a lot of men have been poisoned by the evil fallacies “The red flag at home does not fall, the colored flags outside flutter in the breeze,” and “Don’t ask for eternity, be happy with now.” They brazenly engage in extramarital affairs, and plenty of women don’t feel any shame in being someone’s mistress. Rather, they think of themselves as possessing charm and skill; they’ve completely lost the conscience and reason that a proper person should possess. I thought of how my husband started out as an honest, kind man who cared for this family, but he had become a selfish, evil person who discarded with his wife and child, and broke up someone else’s home. Didn’t that come of being inculcated with Satan’s evil thinking and being deceived? I thought of my neighbor, too. They divorced after her husband had an affair. Plus there was my aunt who started seeing someone else and then didn’t want to stay with my uncle anymore—they ended up divorcing, too. Their homes had once been full of warmth, but had been split apart because of the infidelity of their partners, bringing harm to their children. I could see how Satan uses evil trends to mislead and corrupt people, leading them to seek excitement and indulge their lust, doing things contrary to morality and ethics. All this does is bring about corruption and suffering. I thought of how after my husband started going along with the evil trends of Satan and betrayed me, he wasn’t particularly happy with that woman—they were always arguing and even fighting. One time I saw marks on his body when he came back. My husband was just another victim of those evil trends, thinking that being involved with someone else would make him look good, that it would make him happy. But instead, he was living within Satan’s web, corrupted and manipulated by it. I used to always think of it as my husband betraying me and that I was the one living in pain and so I harbored hatred for him and the other woman, but by reading God’s words I understood that the root of all this suffering is in the evil trends given rise to by Satan. People are deceived from being inculcated with that evil thinking, and only then do they become so corrupt and depraved that they lose all morality and know no shame.

Experiencing God’s Covert Love

Later, I saw more of God’s words: “Whenever Satan corrupts man or engages in unbridled harm, God does not stand idly by, neither does He brush aside or turn a blind eye to those He has chosen. All that Satan does is perfectly clear and understood by God. No matter what Satan does, no matter what trend it causes to arise, God knows all that Satan is trying to do, and God does not give up on those He has chosen. Instead, without attracting any attention, secretly, silently, God does everything that is necessary. When God begins work on someone, when He has chosen someone, He does not proclaim it to anyone, nor does He proclaim it to Satan, much less make any grand gesture. He just very quietly, very naturally does what is necessary.”

Reading this really warmed my heart. Even though Satan is constantly corrupting and harming us, God doesn’t just sit idly by. He knows that we humans are ignorant and pitiable, so He is always quietly protecting us, those He wants to save. He Himself has also become flesh and come to walk among us, expressing truths to give us sustenance so that we can gain discernment over Satan’s various means and tactics of corrupting mankind. Thus, we can distance ourselves from Satan’s corruption and harm—all of this is God’s sincere love. I thought of how after my husband started his affair, I was living in a constant state of pain from my hatred for him and his mistress and even had thoughts of taking revenge on her as well as getting involved with another man to take revenge on my husband. It was only through God’s protection that I didn’t do anything like that. In addition, when I was living lost in pain and despair from my husband’s infidelity, God brought me before Him, comforting and enlightening me with His words. He allowed me to have discernment over the evil trends stirred up by Satan to harm mankind, and to understand the root of my husband’s betrayal of me. This lessened the pain in my soul. Every single one of these things was God’s love and protection for me!

My heart started to feel warm—I knew that God had always been by my side watching over me, and when Satan was about to swallow me whole, God brought me before Him, and He led me out from the pain of my husband’s betrayal. Though I had lost my husband’s love, I had gained the love of the Creator. Being able to come before God and live in the light of God’s words now, I have a kind of peace and joy in my soul that I’ve never had before. This is the most precious thing.

My Silence Now Is Understanding and Calm

Later, I saw a passage of a sermon about life entry: “Look at those people in the world who don’t have the truth. How much suffering do they have in their hearts? There is too much suffering, isn’t it? You need to know the root cause for all the suffering in life—Satan. You are always corrupted by Satan and you don’t gain the truth, so you suffer. It is caused by the corruption of Satan. If you pursue the truth, you will be able to resolve these corruptions, and be able to sever the root of Satan’s corruption. Eventually, you will be able to shake off Satan, break away from Satan’s influence and receive salvation. Therefore, you can be saved by pursuing the truth. The meaning in it is too profound. You see that when a man has the truth within, he has no difficulties in whatever he sees, whatever he thinks and whatever he encounters. Without difficulties or constraints, everything is simple and easy. He is not distressed or worried because of one thing or another. His mind is emancipated and free. Therefore, there is almost no suffering in any aspect when one pursues the truth. The more he pursues, the brighter he becomes within”

I gained a bit of understanding from reading this fellowship. Before I didn’t understand the truth, when I saw that my husband was having an affair I thought I could win his heart back through silence and tolerance. But when I saw that everything I had done was just useless toil, I blamed my unluckiness in life and my husband’s lack of a conscience, suffering through each and every day, always washing my face with tears. Now I understand that after we humans are corrupted by Satan, we all have corrupt dispositions such as selfishness and evil, and there is no genuine love between people. Only God has genuine love for people, and only God is worth seeking. Now, by attending gatherings and reading God’s words more and more, I’ve come to understand some truths and have seen these issues more clearly. I know that my husband and that woman were also victims who were taken in by evil trends, and I’ve let go of so much of my hatred for them. I’ve also become willing to forgive them. Now when my husband occasionally returns home I have a normal conversation with him, he gives me a bit of money for the household expenses, and then he leaves. I no longer make demands on or care too much about whether he cares for me or not. Instead, I put more time and effort into seeking the truth. I live a life of the church with the brothers and sisters; there are no barriers between us, and we work together to fulfill our duties. My life now is so free, so open—hope has been reignited in my life. I know that all of this is God’s love and salvation for me. I give thanks to God for guiding me to cast off the pain of my husband’s betrayal and to embark on the right path in life, finding true happiness.

Conclusion:

When the person you love most betrays you, and when your silence and tolerance cannot win their heart back, you need God’s words and guidance. That’s the only way to find the courage to face it and be able to clearly see the truth, to gain a true sense of calm and be able to welcome the light.