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splendidly-secret-sick-fics · 4 years ago

Note

Ooo! What about Kuroo feeling really unwell during training camp while training with Bokuto, Akaashi, Tsukki, Hinata and Lev? He's probably felt bad for a while, but just suffered through. So when everything becomes too much, a panicking Hinata runs to get Kenma... and you can decide the rest.

Only if you're comfortable with writing it though! Have a nice day!

Leaders Don’t Cry: a Kuroo sickfic

Pairing: sick Kuroo, caretakers Kenma, Tsukki, Bokuto, Akaashi, kinda Hinata & Lev

Word Count: 4,266

Warnings: vomit, swearing, slight emetophobia, and sad Kuroo :(

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Thanks for the request friend :) I’ve only ever written Kuroo & Kenma as side characters, so this was kinda fun!!

I’m not super super happy with the overall product, but that’s alright. I do feel like maybe it’s not super cohesive? Idk. Let me know!! I look forward to improving my characterization of Kuroo and Kenma.

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Kuroo was a Leader. He was someone that others looked up to. Someone you could depend on.

Leaders were extroverts though, and Kuroo had to admit he did his best Recharging alone in his room or the quiet company of the Kenma. That’s an Introvert Thing, apparently. Even when he was young, too many people or too much social interaction drained him. Another Introvert Thing.

When he met Kenma and started playing volleyball, it seemed he naturally outgrew his Introvert Model, shedding his shy, intimidated outer-self. It was easily replaced with the Extrovert Model.

Now, Kuroo liked being surrounded by his team and his friends and he liked meeting new people. That’s an Extrovert Thing. So Kuroo was an Extrovert.

(“That makes you an Introverted Extrovert, Kuro,” Kenma told him one day. Kuroo didn’t understand how that could possibly be a thing.)

As an Extrovert, it was only natural that he became the captain of his volleyball team his third year. It was only natural that he was the Bridge between Karasuno and the Tokyo powerhouse schools.

(Kenma claimed, when the two of them were alone at least, that it was really his friendship with Chibi-Chan and their coaches that did that. Kuroo refused to concede this point.)

As the Leader and Bridge, it was again only natural that not only his team, but also other teams’ players were drawn to his wisdom and sparkling personality.

(“You forced yourself on them,” Kenma sighed.)

And that’s how he, Kuroo Tetsuro, Certified Extroverted Leader, came to be in Gym Three, long after their main practice ended with two of Karasuno’s first years, Bokuto, Akaashi, and Lev.

And that’s also how he ended up in the Worst Possible Situation.

It went down like this.

They were at another training camp with the Fukurodani Group and Regular Guests, Karasuno High. It was a short one, thrown together quickly because of the long weekend.

After much convincing (read: coercion) from him and Bokuto, Tsukishima Kei agreed to join them again for blocking practice. They pushed because Kuroo couldn’t stand to watch this kid’s talent waste away and Bokuto was personally offended that Tsukki still didn’t seem to enjoy volleyball.

It should have come as no surprise that Karasuno’s Hinata Shoyo joined in again, determined to redeem himself from his previous loss at the last camp.

And then because Haiba Lev decided that Chibi-chan and him were rivals, he joined in too.

(Akaashi claimed he had no choice but to join. It was either endless practice or endless Dejected Bokuto. Kuroo thinks he’s just masochistic.)

Their first night was awesome. He saw a fire ignited in Tsukki and got to smash Bokuto’s spikes back in his face. Plus, his ego was boosted because the three first years were all wowed by his skill.

Tonight, however, was not great. If he was honest with himself, things were bad from the second he woke up, and promptly wanted to curl back into his futon.

His head hurt and his body ached. The sounds of his team waking up and getting ready for the day set his nerves on edge the second he heard them. He felt overcrowded and overstimulated and he wasn’t even out of bed yet.

It had all the signs of a Recharge Alone Day, but it was the last full day of a training camp in which he was supposed to be a Leader. So, he pushed that all aside and got up to go lead.

As the day progressed, Kuroo gave more and more thought to Kenma’s “Introverted Extrovert” theory. He still loved his team and wanted to be around them. He did want to participate in the games and hang out with the other teams.

He also so so very badly wanted to sit in the dark for the next several hours.

Kuroo’s headache only grew more insistent as the day went on, likely due to the sounds of squeaking shoes, bouncing volleyballs, and the too warm summer heat. He got increasingly more fidgety and nervous all day and it made him uncomfortable in his own skin. That, added to the already ever-present soreness of his limbs only served to make him more miserable.

But he was the Captain, so he shoved those feelings down, ignored his headache, and tried to act as normal as possible. For the most part, his plan worked and no one bothered him about what might be wrong. Kenma was the only one that eyed him suspiciously every time his Extrovert facade slipped a little. At the end of the regular practice, his best friend approached him slowly.

“Hey,” he said, his voice quiet as usual.

“Kenma! What’s up, dude?” Kuroo forced, trying to maintain his usual Extrovert Mode.

“Cut the crap, Kuro,” Kenma sighed, blunt and exhausted as usual.

“Kenma, what are you—“

“Are you sick?”

The question caught Kuroo off guard. Was he sick? He thought it was just an Introvert Day that he had to push through. Maybe Kenma had a point though? It wasn’t like he normally felt this drained during a training camp. That usually came after the camp ended.

“No,” he eventually replied and waved his hand, “nah. Just tired. I think practicing with the guys at night took more of my energy than usual.” That must be it. He didn’t usually have to put out that much energy after practice. Lev, Hinata, and Bokuto were all True Extroverts, after all. Unlike Kuroo, who just molded himself into one. It made sense.

Kenma studied him with wide eyes before relenting and saying “Don’t push yourself, Kuro.”

“I won’t, don’t worry. I am a little tired though so maybe I’ll forgo evening prac—“

“Kuroo-san!” Hinata ran up to them, “are we practicing again today?? I want you to show me that cool wha-BAM block again!!” He jumped up and slammed his hands down, most likely trying to imitate exactly what he was trying to convey. All the loud explanation did was call attention back to his headache.

“Shoyo, Kuro was actually just saying that he was—“

“On my way to look for you Chib-chan!” Kuroo interrupted. Kenma narrowed his eyes at him, but Kuroo couldn’t deny the little red headed twerp.

“Let’s go grab something to eat and then we’ll round up the others.”

Hinata looked at him with those stupid starry eyes and nodded before running off to pester Tsukishima. Kuroo deflated some.

“Kuro. It’s okay to take breaks. I know you think that this is what you should be doing as Captain, but it’s alright to say no sometimes,” Kenma said.

“I know, Kenma,” Kuroo smiled gently, ignoring the uneasy feeling in his gut, “Thank you for looking out, but I’m fine! It’s only one more day. Tomorrow afternoon once everyone’s gone, I’ll just hang out in my room. You can come over if you want and play that new game I bought.”

Kenma studied him again before letting out a long-suffering exhale.

“Sure. Sounds good.”

After they ate, the six of them met up in Gym Three for another three on three. On the outside, things were going well. On the inside, Kuroo’s head was quickly descending into chaos.

He pretended that Bokuto, Lev and Hinata weren’t too loud. He pretended that he had enough energy to show them the same move seven times. He pretended he was enjoying this.

All the while, his headache slowly transitioned into a migraine, his limbs got heavier, and his dinner swirled in his stomach nauseatingly. It took maximum effort to stay awake, let alone play a three on three with three of the most energetic people he’d ever met before.

It all came to a head when his feet slammed down after blocking one of Bokuto’s cross shots. The power behind those normally made him stumble upon landing, but this time it sent a sharp pain shooting through his head and stars dance in his vision. He couldn’t regain his footing, and he stumbled onto his ass.

“Kuroo-san?” Akaashi asked when he didn’t get back up. He couldn’t get back up. The stars were still there and he couldn’t really find his feet.

“Y-yeah?” he stuttered.

“Hey, hey, hey, Kuroo, you alright my man?” Bokuto’s voice boomed and he winced before he could stop himself.

“Kuroo-san? What’s wrong?” Akaashi was kneeling beside him now. He could tell by the proximity of his voice.

“Just a a little...dizzy,” he forced a laugh, trying to play it off. He squeezed his eyes shut and brought a hand up to squeeze at his temples. What the hell was happening?

“Kuroo-san! Do you want some water?” Hinata’s voice rang and clanged in his head. He groaned.

“Kuroo-san, don’t die!!” Lev’s voice pounded. He grimaced.

“Would you idiots keep it down?” Tsukishima, beautiful, quiet Tsukishima commanded.

“Hey, Stupid we’re just trying to help!” Hinata screeched.

“And clearly he’s got a headache, you massive dolt. Keep your volume down,” Tsukki snapped back. Kuroo would thank him if the room would stop spinning.

Suddenly, a hand was on his forehead.

“You’ve got a fever,” Akaashi stated.

Oh. Well, Kenma was right after all. He was sick. The confirmation snapped something into place and all of his emotions, his control, whooshed out of him in one fell swoop. All the symptoms he ignored all day came to the very front of his mind and all he could think about was how miserable he felt.

“Oh,” he choked around the abrupt knot in his throat. He blinked his eyes open and turned to look at Akaashi. The setter was serious as ever, but there was a small frown on his lips and tiny furrow to his brows.

“Bokuto-san, can you bring me your warm up jacket?”

Bokuto nodded and quickly, but thankfully quietly, brought their jackets over and Akaashi draped it around Kuroo’s shoulders.

“Kuroo-san, do you want to lie down?” he soothed.

“Akaashi, I don’t feel good,” he muttered. There was a burning in his eyes and a quiver to his lips that he really wished would go away.

“I know. We’ll get you to your room, but first, I need you to get yourself together some.”

“I don’t...I don’t feel good,” he said, an all too evident shake in his voice. This is not what Leaders do. But he felt so terrible, there was nothing he could do to prevent this sudden onslaught of emotions. Before he knew it, warm tears rolled down his flushed cheeks.

“Kuroo-san!” Hinata screeched. Tsukishima smacked him upside the head. He glared and rubbed the back of his head.

“Kuroo-san,” he tried again, quieter this time, “don’t cry, please. It’s okay!”

Kuroo couldn’t help it. He appreciated Hinata’s attempts at comfort, but he was so drained and he was so sick and he couldn’t help it.

“Kuroo, what can we do to help, man?” Bokuto asked gently, much to his and Akaashi’s (flustered and very evident) surprise. He sat down by Kuroo and rubbed a hand soothingly up and down his back. It helped for a second, but then it just made his skin crawl and his stomach turn.

“I I don’t...I don’t know,” he whimpered pitifully, “I don’t feel good.” He exhaled and dropped his chin to his chest. The downward spiral of both his physical and mental condition brought him further and further into his own self-incurred misery. He needed someone else to be the leader. Anyone.

“Ahhhh, Kuroo-san.” Hinata flailed.

“What about Kenma?” Lev whisper-yelled. Hinata’s spine straightened sharply.

“Good idea, Lev! I know where he is. I’ll go get him!” Hinata proclaimed and ran out.

“Kuroo, what doesn’t feel good?” Bokuto asked.

Kuroo inhaled shakily.

“Head.. my head hurts. And I’m sore and uh and my st-stomach,” he responded through panting breaths.

“There’s a stomach bug that just hit a couple of the player’s on Shinzen’s team,” Tsukishima supplied helpfully.

“Sounds like you might’ve picked that up, Kuroo-san.” Akaashi clicked his tongue.

This was news to him. It must’ve just happened because usually the captains kept each other up to date on those kinds of things as soon as they could. If that was true, that would explain why it came on so quickly. He was fine yesterday. Even just a few hours ago, he was nothing but a little groggy. Now it felt like he got hit by a bus.

If it was a stomach bug, that meant….

“No, no,” he panicked, “no I don’t want that.” He wrapped his hands around his swirling stomach.

“Kuroo, calm down. It’s alright. You’re gonna make it worse,” Bokuto said. Kuroo shook his aching head.

“No I hate throwing up, Bo,” he whimpered and dropped his head to look at his shaking hands.

“Oh…” Akaashi breathed, “do you feel like you might?”

“I don’t know,” he said again. Because he didn’t want to. He absolutely did not want to puke. Not in front of these first years. That might ruin all of his credibility as an upperclassmen, let alone the Captain of a powerhouse school.

Geez, what a pitiful and pathetic display he was putting on. He was supposed to be someone these kids looked up to, and now they were helping him.

“Here,” Tsukishima said, handing Akaashi and Bokuto a bucket from the supply room. Kuroo eyed it distastefully.

“It’s just in case, Kuroo-san!” Lev tried. But the more Kuroo got worked up in spite of himself, the more he realized that wasn’t true. His current emotional state wreaked havoc on his head, which in turn twisted his gut.

Several minutes passed and Kuroo took the time to collect himself so that he could get it together enough to go to his room. At least there he could be miserable and pathetic alone.

While he was able to get himself to stop crying, the come down from the sudden rush of emotions only made his other symptoms that much more prevalent.

Kuroo groaned miserably, “where’s Kenma?”

“Hinata-kun has gone to get him. He’ll be back soon hopefully.”

“Akaashi, I don’t feel good,” he whined and curled tighter in on himself.

“I know,” Akaashi said.

“Feels… bad…” he swallowed thickly.

“Kuroo…” Tsukishima warned. He shook his head.

“‘M sorry,” he mumbled. Something heaved in his stomach and he pulled his shoulders up to his ears and brought the back of his hand to his mouth.

“Y’guys should go,” he said around the pool of saliva in his mouth and the heaviness of his jaw. Who he was talking to at this point, he wasn’t sure. He just knew that being around him right now was only asking to catch this. He also knew he was about to puke and he really wanted to try and maintain some of his dignity.

“Too late for that, numbskull. We’ve been around you for days. If we’re gonna catch it, we’re gonna catch it. Might as well make sure you don’t die,” Tsukishima said. Kuroo, behind his mounting nausea and hazy brain, was touched by his salty kouhai’s attempt at comfort.

“I think he meant he doesn’t want you to see him spew, Tsukkidude,” Bokuto murmured. His hand was still on Kuroo’s back and while it was more comforting than bothersome now, it also served to swirl things around in his stomach and brain. He nodded lethargically.

“Kuroo-san, if you could, uh— please, just, um...wait...for Kenma-san, I think it would make you feel, uh, better. To have him here, that is. Instead of...uh...me,” Akaashi stammered. Kuroo heard the nervousness in his voice and felt bad. There wasn’t much he could do to stave off the inevitable though.

“You squeamish, ‘Kaashi?” Bokuto asked.

“Uhhhh,” Akaashi hesitated, high pitched, “maybe a little.”

“Bo,” Kuroo panted, punctuated by a sick hiccup.

“I gotcha, buddy. Bucket’s right here,” Bokuto reassured and placed the bucket in his lap. “You can leave guys, I got this.” He said to the other three.

“Yeah...I’m gonna take you up on that,” Lev said uneasily. “Sorry Kuroo-san.” He bowed and then sprinted out of the gym. Tsukishima looked more hesitant, but ultimately bowed and left as well.

“Akaashi?” Bokuto said right as Kuroo spit into the bucket. The sounds of their conversation faded in and out with the rest of Kuroo’s surroundings. All he could fully register was the lump of something nasty moving up his chest. All he could see was the blinding red color of the bucket.

A few airy burps that grated his throat passed through his parted lips. He whimpered.

“It’s alright, Kuroo,” Bokuto’s voice filtered through the haze. He gagged.

It hurt. It hurt so badly. Each heave, gag and hiccup that plagued him for the next several moments.

Where was Kenma?

Kuroo coughed, hiccupped, and a small stream of vomit trailed out of his mouth. It wasn’t enough. It still hurt. He wheezed.

“Hey, Kuroo-san, try to take deep breaths,” Akaashi’s shaky voice commanded.

“Can’t,” he gasped, coughing up more bile.

Fuck he wanted this to be over.

Cough, gasp, puke. The painful, horrific cycle repeated for several tense minutes. It didn’t relieve any of his discomfort.

Bokuto patted his back and tried to offer comforting words. Akaashi wouldn’t look at Kuroo, but he was there, another steady presence to offer some grounding to Kuroo.

“Kuroo- san! I found Kenma!” Hinata’s voice cut through his misery. “He was in the shower. I’m sorry it took so long!”

“Kuro,” Kenma said, voice calm, blunt, comforting. He took Akaashi’s place at his side, his Snorlax slippers and ratty sweatpants taking up Kuroo’s peripheral.

“I don’ feel good,” Kuroo told him around the bile coating his mouth. Kenma put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed.

“I gathered that,” he said with amusement, “it’s okay. Just relax.”

Kuroo shook his head. Relaxing meant letting this happen. He did not want it to happen.

“Tetsu, don’t be an ass,” Kenma sighed, exasperated.

“Kenma,” he whimpered. The hand on his shoulder squeezed again.

“How long has he been like this?” Kenma directed at someone else in the room.

“About 15 minutes,” Akaashi’s shaky voice answered.

“Shit, Tetsuro, why didn’t you say anything sooner?” Kenma asked. Kuroo shook his head slowly.

“Didn’ re’lize,” he slurred. His stomach cramped and his inhaled sharply through his teeth and gripped tightly at his shirt. As soon as the cramp passed, he gagged, his body jolting forward.

“Uh, I’m gonna—I’m gonna go,” Hinata stuttered out and then Kuroo heard his tiny feet run from the gym.

“Can you two go get Nobuyuki and Yaku from the Nekoma quarters? I’m sure Lev is looking for them, but he’s an idiot,” Kenma demanded of Akaashi and Bokuto, the inflection behind his voice commanding and unwavering. It comforted Kuroo in ways he didn’t understand.

Despite how it appeared to onlookers, Kenma was alway the one taking care of Kuroo. More than Kuroo took care of him, anyway. The setter always knew exactly what Kuroo needed before he even said anything. He was passive most of the time, content to let things be, but stubborn and steadfast when he needed to be. Which was something that Kuroo was grateful for, too prone to letting his emotions take over. Kenma was a sturdy support for Kuroo when he was at his weakest.

“They’re gone, Testsu. Relax and let it happen. It’s just you and me,” Kenma told him. He put his forehead on the top of Kuroo’s matted, sweaty hair. The parts of Kenma’s hair that touched Kuroo were wet and cold. It felt nice.

The uncharacteristic gentle action from Kenma made something in Kuroo’s chest twinge and he whimpered, fresh tears dropping into the bucket.

Kuroo could be himself with Kenma. He didn’t need to be the Captain or a Leader or an Extrovert or even an Introverted Extrovert. He could just be Kuroo.

“Just us, Tetsu,” Kenma said and pulled his head back.

Kuroo inhaled slowly, deeply and exhaled, trying to relax his shoulders and back. It didn’t take much more for his stomach to finally find relief.

A gurgling hiccup brought up a small stream of bile and he coughed. Another hiccup brought a little more. Then finally, he belched, wet and heady, and heaved, a much stronger torrent of disgusting vomit moving up his chest and out of his mouth.

“There ya go,” Kenma sighed. He moved Kuroo’s unruly hair, made more disgusting by the sheen of sweat covering his forehead, back and away from his face. Kuroo lurched forward with a gag, bringing up more of his dinner.

“Holy shit, Kuro, that’s some fever. I’m sorry you’ve felt so bad all day,” Kenma whispered. Kuroo shook his head, spitting out the nasty taste in his mouth, trying to find his breath before the next round.

He didn’t get much of a chance before he heaved again.

“God,” he slurred between wretches.

“It’s alright. Calm down,” Kenma instructed.

He puked twice more before his stomach settled for the time being.

“Kenma...please…” he whispered, gesturing for him to move the bucket away.

“Here,” Kenma handed him a water, “drink this first. Rinse out your mouth.” Kuroo did as he was told and spit into the bucket. Kenma took it away after that and Kuroo thanked him quietly. He inhaled, bringing his head up and looking at Kenma for the first time since the setter got there.

Kenma’s eyebrows were furrowed ever so slightly, a subtle pout on his lips. He brushed Kuroo’s bangs back again.

“Thanks, Kenma,” he smiled weakly. Kenma clicked his tongue.

“You’re an idiot,” he sighed. It lacked any of its usual blunt edge.

“Kuroo!!” Kai called out, running into the gym. They were both wearing medical masks, a couple more in their hands.

“Hey,” he said sheepishly, a hand on the back of his neck.

“I knew something was wrong. You really are such a dumbass,” Yaku said, a hand on his hip and an eyebrow raised. He was as blunt as usual.

“Thanks, Yaku. You’re as gentle as ever.”

“Yeah, well. Can’t help it when you decide to push yourself to this point,” he said, turning his face away. “Idiot,” he added as an afterthought. Kuroo couldn’t see his cheeks behind his mask, but his ears were red.

“You alright Kenma? Here,” Kai asked and handed Kenma a mask. Kenma shook his head.

“Too late for that,” he sighed.

“Yeah, but several of Shinzen and Fukurodani’s players have gone down with the same thing as our fearless leader here. We’re trying to contain it so it doesn’t spread more,” Kai explained.

“Yeah. Exactly. You wear one too, Kuroo,” Yaku insisted. Kuroo didn’t like the idea of having his mouth covered, but he also didn’t like the idea of spreading this wretched fate to others.

Kenma and Kuroo took the masks and then Yaku pulled some meds out of the bag on his shoulder and handed them to him. Kuroo’s lip curled, but Kenma pinched his elbow and he relented. They hit his stomach with a hollow thud.

Kai held a hand out to help Kuroo up. As soon as he stood, his knees buckled and black spots danced in his vision. Kai quickly caught him around his waist and threw Kuroo’s arm around his shoulder.

“Try not to pass out until we get back to the quarantine room. It’d make things difficult,” Yaku said. Kuroo would’ve rolled his eyes if he had the energy.

Together, they made it back to the classrooms (repurposed as sleeping quarters for the camp). There was a room for people who already puked and one for anyone experiencing symptoms. Kuroo was shocked to find Akaashi there, leaning over a trash can, Bokuto rubbing his back, as well as several Shinzen players, a couple Ubugawa players, and the setter from Karasuno.

Hinata was there as well, sitting beside Kageyama with his arms crossed and a disgruntled look on his face.

Yaku set up a new futon for Kuroo and Kai helped him settle into it. He immediately curled up on his side, exhaling in relief.

They asked if he needed anything, promised to bring him a change of clothes, and left. Kenma saw them out but then came back and plopped himself down beside Kuroo.

“You can go, Kenma,” he said, looking up at him with one eye open. Kenma shrugged.

“I wouldn’t leave you,” he said plainly. Like it wasn’t embarrassing at all. Kuroo smiled to himself.

“What’s with Chibi-Chan?” He asked in lieu of a response. Kenma snickered.

“His team sent him here when Kageyama came down with the bug. Apparently their “secret relationship” isn’t so secret.”

Kuroo chuckled. That was probably why Akaashi and Bokuto were both here as well.

“You know,” Kenma said.

“Hmm,” Kuroo replied sleepily.

“No one thinks you’re less of a Leader just because you’re sick. It happens to everyone. Doesn’t mean you’re not still someone other people look up to,” Kenma said quietly, matter-of-fact.

“Mmm.. you’re right,” he muttered back. He was. Kuroo knew that. He appreciated the reminder though.

“Go to sleep, Tetsu,” Kenma said and stretched his legs out beside Kuroo. He ran his fingers through Kuroo’s hair. Sleep called to him and his eyes slowly closed.

He woke up several times before the next morning, because of other people puking, because he needed to puke and once when Kenma puked, swearing Kuroo out for getting him sick.

He apologized profusely and pulled Kenma’s hair back with the hair tie he kept on his wrist.

Kuroo was a Leader. Someone other people liked and looked up to.

Sometimes Leaders needed someone to lean on too, he supposed. Thank goodness he had Kenma.

#haikyuu sickfic #my fics #sick kuroo #caretaker kenma #caretaker Akaashi #caretaker Bokuto #caretaker Tsukishima #caretaker Hinata #caretaker Lev #kinda sorta #they tried okay?#tw vomit #haikyuu #kuroo tetsurō #kenma kozume #emeto warning #emeto #fever

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locke-barmecide · 4 years ago

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Hopefully this isn’t too dark (it is. Locke is about to break so many hearts) but here’s a very angsty shinsai concept

I’ll give a quick little warning. Gorey details, major character death,literal decapitation, crying, yknow very angsty stuff. It’s shinsai so Kiyo fans especially I suggest avoiding this unless you need to feel heartbreak then go hard

Here we go!

Shuichi kills someone in the fourth trial. Let’s say it’s Kaito. He has been getting very close with Kiyo as he took an interest in anthropology. They spend hours a day together. Kiyo teaches him everything.

Now, Shuichi is being convicted of murdering Kaito Momota, the ultimate astronaut. Kiyo is in shock. Not him. No no not him. Not their only friend. Please not him.

Kiyo quickly runs over to Shuichi, wrapping their arms around him. They won’t let him go that easily. Shuichi starts to sob as he tells Kiyo that it’s alright and that they can let go but they refuse.

“Remember! Remember when- when you said that we were going to travel the world together? Why- why would you- what lead you to killing Kaito? We had a plan.”

Kiyo’s words stung. Shuichi wrecked their plan.

“IT’S PUNISHMENT TIME!!”

Kiyo refused to leave Shuichi’s side. Suddenly the floor gave out beneath Shuichi and Kiyo jumped in after him. Monokuma looked furious.

The execution starts. “Truth bullets” of his friends words hit him numerous times. “Failure” “traitor” “incapable” “stupid”

He falls to his knees. He’s ready as a massive axe begins to swing. Written on the handle is “off with your head” he wonders why that was here. A queen of hearts reference?

Suddenly Kiyo runs up and wraps their arms around him. They cradle his face in their hands, they look happy to see him. Suddenly the axe comes down.

Shuichi backs away in horror as he slaps his hands over his mouth.

Kiyo’s body lay on the ground... lacking their head.

A few feet away is the anthropologists decapitated head. Blood paints the floors.

He feels unbelievably ill. The shock and horror of the situation cause him to throw up. Every time he looks over at the body he feels a violent pain throughout his entire self.

Gone gone gone gone gone

They’re gone. Their body is completely lifeless. There is no more Kiyo. They cannot come back from this.

He starts to scream. Screaming and sobbing violently until his throat burns. His body trembles and he gets hot and cold flashes.

He has never felt so hurt. He looks over once again and is faced with the reality of the situation.

He hears a click behind his head. A tall figure crouches in front of him. Slender fingers turn his head up. He sees Kiyo. Their long hair frames their slim face. Golden eyes with so much life.

“You thought I died? Kehehe.. I thought you were observant my dear.”

He doesn’t even think as he lounges at them. They don’t feel the same.. they do not stiffen when he hugs them. Kiyo was bad at hugs, he knew this well. The smell of blood still filled his senses.

He feels cold metal against the side of his head.

They pull the trigger.

Everyone watches in horror. Kaede vomits at the sight. Kiyo’s headless corpse lyes with their head meters away. Shuichi’s body is a few feet away. Blood paints the floor.

They go back to their dorms. Everyone is quiet. They have nothing to say. The scene they just witnessed was too much.

In the afterlife they find one another, Shuichi has never held someone so hard. He never wanted to let go, in fear of a repeat of their death. A red ribbon is placed around the anthropologists head to keep their head from falling off.

They watch their friends from above. Kiyo talks about the correct theories of the afterlife and questions how humans could have possibly guessed something so complicated. Shuichi entertains their strange rambles and takes notes on the afterlife. He never thought he’d be there so soon.

Their lives ended very soon, only living for 17 years. Their deaths were by unfortunate circumstances and they will be greatly missed.

I can’t write for shit so that’s all you get. This concept is so dark I love it. Imagining the absolute despair losing one of his friends would cause him, especially since they died in place of him is just *chefs kiss*

And the suddenness of Kiyo’s death. The absolute horrid imagery of my comfort character being decapitated. 🥰 I love fiction. So many possibilities and when it can make you feel sick to your stomach with just words, I love it so much more.

Also in the end idk if this is obvious but monokuma was pissed that Kiyo got in the way so that’s why Shuichi got killed by fake Kiyo. Literally just for despairs sake. Giving him false hope that Kiyo somehow didn’t die.

Enjoy. Reblogs are super appreciated as always

#korekiyo shinguji #danganronpa #danganronpa korekiyo #danganronpa v3 #korekiyo #korekiyo shinguuji kin #shinsai #shuichi saihara

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psychewritesbs · 3 years ago

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This is psychology related rather than anime related. My friend recently introduced me to the music of Clarence Clarity and I wondered if you knew it. Because one of his songs is called 'Obsessed With my Shadow Self' and there's a pair of songs he collaborated on with Entrepreneurs called 'Death Tactics' and 'Fuck Tactics'. The connection to Jung with the first seems pretty clear, but the second one also seems like a life/death drive thing, right? (I don't remember much about Jung or Freud - it's been 10 years - and if the life/death drive is a purely Freudian concept not a Jungian one, please forgive me)

HOLA! The truth is we’re all fucked 💀✨

I've never heard of them but they sure have interesting lyrics just from the 3 songs you shared with me. It's refreshing to read lyrics that aren't about bitches and ho's and heartbreak, so thanks for sharing!

As with art, interpretations are always subjective, and even though the lyrics were super cryptic, I found some of the lyrics relatable since I've come face to face with my own death drive before.

Short answer: So yeeees... I totally agree about these death drive themes happening in these songs.

I actually get nerdy 🤓 excited just thinking about it.

Long answer below the cut because God knows I can vomit words:

When you're about to lose it all You've got introspection

I mean... this whole idea of being obsessed with one's shadow self? Like... yes. How cool is that? Mostly because the shadow is mostly available to the conscious mind as a projection of that which we reject.

+ introspection is the way that the shadow self is assimilated.

Death/fuck tactics are interesting because, as a Marketing nerd, I'm always looking at how to implement strategy vs. tactics. So this song almost feels like it's about someone who is haphazardly destroying whatever he doesn't like, sometimes in the cruelest way possible (let it bleed for 50 days).

And all because why? His inner-demons are asking for an offering.

ok so I am having a hard time communicating this in English, Spanish word makes more sense but in English it lacks oomph--think of how the Aztecs offered/sacrificed virgins to their Gods for continued luck with rain, war, etc. Same sentiment.

To me, acting out on one's inner demons means that they asked for an offering in order to be appeased, and the action is the offering itself. But that's just the kind of relationship I have with my inner-demons. Little fuckers I swear...

Ah inner-demons... I personally bounce back and forth between darkest dark and brightest bright with most of my time spent somewhere in the middle. But... idk about you but listening to my inner-demons gets exhausting after a while. I wouldn't want to live forever if I spent most of my time committing acts that feed said demons.

I think you've read my post on my death wish? These songs kind of remind me of that. But instead of self-harm, this person is harming others. We're both acting out the death drive.

I'd add that the difference is that even when I go into my self-destructive hole, I always know I'll come back up, because psychologically, life is a process of ego death and rebirth. This person sounds like they don't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

So these are my thoughts. Curious about yours! It seems like you’ve really liked the songs.

#a to the q!#personal

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deplatform · 4 years ago

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A very long word vomit about The Traveler’s age because some people still insist that they’re minor or have “minor body” and I’ve had enough

Note: I’m referring to the English voicelines because I don’t have enough understanding of the original Chinese dub. Also, I’m gonna refer The Twins with they/them since either one can be Traveler or Abyss Twin.

It’s pretty much already established from the Archon Quest (Act 1: Chapter IV) that the twins are at least 500+ years so I’m not gonna delve deep into it. Here’s some things people bring out every time The Traveler’s age brought up

Characters’ voicelines about The Traveler being underage

The Traveler’s origin isn’t known to just anyone. Of course there are people who are aware of The Traveler’s origin such as Fischl & Xinyan (from their voicelines) and the Archons. But most people only know The Traveler as “traveler from afar” which is what Amber introduced them as to Kaeya in the prologue.

And even before meeting Kaeya, Paimon only introduced The Traveler to Amber in an ambiguous manner (that they’re lost their sibling in a long journey) and not mentioning anything about another world.

The Traveler also praised Albedo when they first met after he correctly concluded that they’re from another world.

If everyone know that Traveler is not from Teyvat, the above exchange wouldn’t make sense. So it’s safe to assume most people (and NPCs) are just assuming Traveler’s age and not letting them drink, which brings us to the next point.

People won’t let The Traveler drink

Honestly I don’t remember any NPC that forbade The Traveler to drink but I saw some people mentioning Charles? I don’t remember when that happened but in the idle dialogue, he gives The Traveler liquor recommendations

Also since Venti’s and Kaeya’s voicelines are most frequently brought up in this argument I’m gonna bring that up too:

Kaeya, as mentioned before, is assumed to not know about The Traveler’s true origin. Also, in Windblume Festival he offered The Traveler wine (should this indicate that he now knows about The Traveler’s being an alien??? save that for another lore discussion).

Venti’s voiceline is from the middle of the prologue, where he showed no sign of knowing The Traveler’s origin, or at least hide it because Jean and Diluc were also there. Later though, in Zhongli’s voiceline (which took place after the prologue and Liyue arc), Venti apparently gave some alcohol to The Traveler and tricked them into getting drunk.

It’s worth mentioning The Traveler acts annoyed whenever people refuse serving them drinks on multiple occasion yet never tried to correct them. I’ve seen people mentioning that China have laws about this and The Traveler drinking in game would count as “alcohol promotion” which put Mhy at risk of getting banned or having to change the game’s rating (which isn’t good if you want as many players as you can). I can’t verify this because I don’t understand ch law and I’m not spending my time learning about game censorship law in china.

They’re still minor mentally/still have the mind of a minor because they slept in those 500 years

The Twins are immortal beings and can’t age physically. We can see the Abyss Twin (who didn’t sleep for 500 years) still looks the same as before the Unknown God took them away. And how do you know that they’ve only lived for, say, 15 years before sleeping? The Traveler is shown to be mature and capable of making difficult decision like an adult.

Also it’s funny that people mostly bring out the number 15 or 14 from speculating about Mondstat’s drinking age being 16 yo (like Germany irl), even though it’s pretty much confirmed that the drinking age in Mondstat is 18 yo (pictured: Diluc’s 18th birthday bash from the manga)

and finally for the most popular argument:

It doesn’t matter they’re 500 years old, they still have a minor body

1. What the fuck is a minor body 2. Mhy only uses 5 body models and those models are supposed to represent people in a variety of ages. The body models are not indicative of their ages. Not everyone with that model are the same age and not everyone with different models have different ages.

Regarding to characters’ age, I think Fischl is the only one we vaguely know about their age from her vision lore, she’s at least 16 or older (she received her vision at 14 and we know no one has received electro vision in the last 2 years). Noelle explicitly tells us she’s not old enough to drink, while Hu Tao is described to already passed her teenage years. Keqing is one of Liyue Qinxing, you know, people with the highest influence over Liyue’s whole economy and is unlikely to be a teenager. And they ALL have the same model.

3. People who looks younger than they are actually are exist in real life lmao (from being short like me or have baby face)

Also worth mentioning the “we’re only getting dating event with minor characters so The Traveler is minor-coded” argument:

None of those character have confirmed age, let me remind you that body models are not indicative of the character’s age

It’s a hangout event, not “dating event”

You people will lose your mind when future hangout events come lmao (like with Diona or other other characters that doesn’t have young girl/young boy body models)

“I hope Mhy would release official age to make this clear”

I don’t think they’ll do that because The Traveler is a self-insert character. Stating a clear age would make some people relate even less to The Traveler’s character. Even if Mhy eventually gives The Traveler official age, it’d be super old like 1000+ or something (there’s actually a popular theory about the twins actually being 1000+ years old. It’s connected to Honkai Impact’s universe but idk enough about HI3 to talk about it)

And honestly, The Traveler’s age doesn’t matter. Like I said, it’s a self-insert. Which means, people can interpret it as freely as they want. It’s not important to the story progression afterall. Mhy gave us a room for different interpretation by keeping it ambiguous. As long as you don’t attack random people on the internet for thinking differently, you’re good.

Thanks for listening to my Ted Talk.

TL;DR: It doesn’t matter if u think the traveler minor or not, just don’t harass people who think differently. Read the bold parts for details

#just twitter being twitter #if you see a bad with 'dead dove dont eat' written on it just dont eat it!!!!!!!!!!#dont yell at the bag's owner for having a dead dove!!!#tbh its just me going off about pixel lore u can ignore it #with bad grammar #genshin impact

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zechleton · 3 years ago

Text

Ranting and Raving About Magic in 2022

I haven’t written about Magic in ages, so what better way could there be to get back into the habit that a stream of consciousness spiel about the 2022 announcement?

Strap in, folks, because this is going to be long and poorly edited.

Actually, it’s not that long, about 1500 words. It might feel longer, though.

Neo-Tokyo or something idk

As one of the five people on r/magictcg that didn’t want to return to Kamigawa in standard set, I have to admit this one looks surprisingly awesome. The couple of pieces of art Wizard shared looked fantastic, as usual, and I’m a sucker for that blue/pink colour scheme. I’m not a huge fan of time travel as a story telling device but since the Magic story has always served the card game, using tropes I don’t enjoy is far from a deal-breaker. Yeah – I’m cautiously optimistic about this one.

Someone Made Elspeth an Offer she Couldn’t Refuse

Obviously, we know much less about this set. Still, it sounds right up my alley. I’m curious how Wizards is going to make Magic meets The Godfather work, but the good kind of curious. On top of that, I’d really like to have some more shard-based commanders on Arena for Brawl, and I assume we’re the “three-colour demon crime families” isn’t referring to clans (triome?) again after leaving Ikoria behind. Also, come on, how can you not love the sound of demon crime families?

Glory, Glory, Dom United!

There is a part of me that gets nervous about nebulous concepts like design space whenever we go back to an old plane again. All these crossovers (more on those later) take on a different appearance when viewed through an “are they running out of ideas” lens. Still, Dominaria was fantastic, by far the best “return to” set – though I’m hoping Innistrad claims that throne in a few weeks. With that in mind, I’m expecting Wizards to knock it out of the park with DU, just like they did with Dominaria.

The Nostalgia Wars

I might scoff somewhat at Magic’s storyline sometimes, but I’ve read the stuff that people think is good. I own both collections of the Artifacts Cycle. They all pale in comparison to good fantasy, but they’re not bad, and they hold a special place in my heart from when I was more invested in stuff like lore and story. The point of that ramble? 2022, more than ever, is Wizards’ mining the seemingly neverending mineral that is nerd nostalgia. It further adds to my “are they running out of ideas” worry, but I can’t say the nostalgia hit/psychological manipulation isn’t working on me. Hell, Return to Return to Innistrad has me more excited than any set for a couple of years now so I guess I’m part of the problem.

Uncaring

The phrase “not for you” is thrown around distrubingly often in Magic circles nowadays. Unfinity, however, is decidedly not for me. And that’s fine.

Dungeons And Dragons Battle for Baldur’s Gate Commander Legends I Think That’s The Whole Title But Maybe I Missed a bit I’m not Sure

Yikes, what a mouthful. I hate the title, both its length and unwieldiness. I don’t really have much interest in the set either. Commander Legends was a neat idea with a lot of flaws. Adding crossover flavour from another IP I have little-to-no interest in isn’t helping matters, though I appreciate that Adventures in the Forgotten Realms was super popular. For me, AFR was pretty much just a core set without any of the usual references to sets I do know and care about. Another “not for me” release.

Double Trouble

Hmm. I’m torn here. As a primarily limited-focused player, Masters sets have been some of my favourites ever. Original Modern Masters is still one of my in my top five sets of all time, and I have fond memories of almost all of the others, too.

Original Double Masters, though, was a victim of apathy brought on by the never-ending deluge of Magic product being released nowadays. I have never even seen a booster of this product, much less opened one. Without looking it up, I can’t even tell you if it was hurt by the pandemic or not, because there’s just way too much fucking stuff nowadays. I don’t know what else to say.

Oh, hang on. Was this the set with a $100 VIP Booster? Hahaha, fuck off.

Jump Around

The original Jumpstart was surprisingly enjoyable on Arena. I never wanted to play it more than a few times, and sometimes you got packs that relied entirely on your opponent getting mana screwed, but those few times I played it were pretty fun. I think putting stuff like obvious eternal format staples like Alosaurus Shepherd in a set like this is some extremely anti-consumer bullshit, but as a play experience it was an interesting mesh of draft and sealed. Not as much fun as either of those, but close enough that the novelty carried it into the “pretty fun, actually” camp. I expect more of the same – I’ll probably do a few runs if I have gems or gold spare.

Universes Beyond: Warhammer 40K Commander et al

Really, this is the bit about all the crossover stuff.

Another vomit inducing title and one that has left me with some introspection to do. Like many people, I find a lot of this crossover stuff distasteful, but I can’t really say why. The fact that the Street Fighter one – an IP I have some amount of investment in – seems less egregious than Warhammer of D&D makes me think that I don’t necessarily object to crossovers on principal. Does my dislike come from the fact that, so far, all of the other crossovers don’t involve properties I care about? Maybe. Even the mechanically unique line of text that pissed off so many people when the Walking Dead set came out doesn’t bother me that much, because Commander is a format I can take or leave.

The Fortnite one rubs me a different wrong way, though. Partly, it’s the sheer fucking inevitability of it all. Of course a popular part of the nerd sphere will have a crossover with Fortnite because that’s just the world in which we live. Partly it makes me feel old, uncool, and excluded, like all the other crossovers I don’t care about, sure. But there’s something more visceral about Fortnite. It’s fucking everywhere and I resent feeling like I have to have an opinion about it. Still, I don’t really have strong opinions about most of the other crossovers, so why this one? I really don’t know. Maybe this is one “this isn’t for you” too many from a game that has been part of my life for over 20 years.

I haven’t bought a single Secret Lair, but I’m generally willing to accept that they’re a bonus product that isn’t needed by anyone but is wanted by some. Hell, if they put out Secret Lair: Snapcaster Mage with good art (at last), I could probably te tempted into picking one up. It would be against my better judgement, though. Something about all these “not necessary but also don’t miss out, aren’t they cool, spend more money please” products rubs me the wrong way. Playing Magic and hating capitalism are difficult interests to reconcile. That’s it. That’s the tagline for this article.

Oh, right, it’s just a blog. Never mind.

Oh, God. The Fornite Secret Lair is going to be the Snapcaster Mage one, isn’t it?

Then there’s Lord of The Rings. My pal Kristen will be thrilled about this, was my first thought. I’m less enthusiastic (shocker, right?), but at least LOTR makes sense as a thing to crossover with. I mean, apart from the obvious business sense. It doesn’t have any guns and it isn’t an obnoxiously ubiquitous battle royale FPS, so that already puts it ahead of two of the other three crossovers. Indeed, without LOTR, you can make a reasonable case that MTG would never exist in the first place. Personally, I view LOTR in the same way I view The Beatles – they were important, and worthy of respect, but have been surpassed in every way since.

And the movies are better than the books. There I said it.

Regardless, this one is fine, actually. I still don’t particularly care for crossovers in general, especially as the setting for a standard set, but at least it makes sense this time.

Shut up Already

Alright, I hear you. I know a lot of that was negative towards the end, but I want to reiterate that a lot of the stuff happening in standard sets next year is really exciting, if a little unoriginal. The crossover/sellout stuff and the interminable deluge of FOMO-driven products is worrying and disappointing, but I guess we just have to try and ignore the ever-increasing number of “not for you” products and focus on the stuff we do like. Seriously, Neon Destiny looks amazing, and I don’t even like anime.

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peach-the-owl · 4 years ago

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I think you not going to like this,74 and 87. But hear me out. child cries realize that it old group of the child after seeing the remain of child's old group. saying child fault after leaving the old group behind. But for Nein, they tell child the old group give their life to let child live. A burial for old child group, telling old group real goal, is see child a better future with new family they found. Yeah my English not good, but hope you like this. Try Destiny 2 Journey vocal 2 for this

It is done! So, I think I get idea, but I also decided to add in some creative liberties of my own, so to speak, because it’s the spooky season and who doesn’t love trauma! May have overdone it a little, idk but it was a fun ride. I hope it was worth the wait 😁

WARNING: This is gonna get a little graphic

Carry On

Mighty Nein & Child!Reader

74- Why are you crying? 87- It's my fault this happened.

You met the Mighty Nein several months ago when you were but a lone wanderer, concerned for a lost child they took you in hoping to help find your family. You told them that while you were traveling your family had been attacked by a strange looking group of gnolls, at least that’s what you could remember anyways. As you journeyed along you recognized the route you were taking, this was the same road you’d last saw your family and an eerie sense of being watched crept into you.

"We should be careful around here." You say huddling closer to Jester in the cart, she puts an arm around you and gives you a kind smile.

"Hey don’t worry about it, we’re always super careful." You wanted to believe her, but you’ve been with them long enough to know that wasn’t always true. The sound of rustling foliage catches everyone’s attention as these creatures that looked like gnolls jumped out and attacked.

It was like déjà vu, the long track down the road, assurance that things would be just fine, the rustling leaves that lead to an ambush it was exactly like what happened last time. Everyone sprang into action, while you were left in the cart trying to calm yourself, you look over and notice one of these gnolls was staring at you like it knew you somehow. You duck away from view and grab your weapon to defend yourself, the cart shakes as the gnoll jumps onto it and lets loose a cackle, something sounded off from the usual laughs gnolls normally made though. Even stranger is that it doesn’t attack you right away either, instead it grabs ahold of you before you can take a swing at it and covers your mouth to stop you from calling for help, it then proceedes to carry you deeper into the forested area. You can hear the shouts and sounds of battle grow fainter the farther in you go, you struggle and manage to wriggle free of this things grip and book it in the direction you could only assume you came from. Not looking where you’re going you trip on a tree root jutting out of the ground and stumble into a clearing, the area smelled rancid and upon looking around you could tell why. Bodies littered the area some more decayed then others, all of them twisted and mangled into strange positions, you could feel bile raising to your throat and had to physically stop yourself from vomiting.

"Isn’t it a beautiful sight? Such wonderful art." That voice, you knew that voice. Turning your head you see the "gnoll" remove its headpiece revealing a man underneath.

"Mr. Roland? You did this?" It was shocking, horrifying even to think that someone your family had once trusted would do something like this.

"Now don’t fret child, instead why not marvel at my latest masterpiece." He gestures towards something, you fearfully look over eyes widening and body trembling at the sight. Bloody bodies twisted beyond their limits with bones jutting out every which way, dried organs draped around arms and legs like they were fancy decorations, some of their faces were pinned up to look like they were smiling while others still held looks of agony. These people, this "masterpiece" was your family or what remained of them anyways.

"We… we trusted you." The words came out so fast and shaky making you wonder if you even spoke them at all.

"And it was a wonderful choice, just look at how amazing they turned out, in fact I should be thanking you." You give him a confused look. "You see if it wasn’t for your family doing everything they could to help make your escape I wouldn’t have this masterpiece at all. Perhaps I should let you flee again, after all you’ve brought me more people to work with and what a colourful bunch they are too." Your breathing hitched, this was because of you? They were like this because of you, and now the Nein were next… all because of you. Tears streamed down your face, vision blurring as the weight of the situation pressed down on you.

"Oh dear child, why are you crying?" He sounded as though he was mocking you now and as much as you wanted to look away or run you find your body having become unresponsive to your thoughts. When he speaks again his voice sounds as though it’s circling around you from all directions. "Could it be you feel left out? Well if that’s the case… I’ll be happy to have you join them!" You were too distracted to focus on his words or hear the loud thud along with a grunt of pain from behind you.

"Come on kid we gotta go!" Whoever was talking now you couldn't place their voice, still stuck on the horrific imagery that was now burned into your brain, it wasn’t until you felt hands on your shoulders did you finally react with a flinch. The sight of crimson eyes and lavender skin help readjust your focus. "Hey, hey, hey! Look at me kid, there’s no time for that we gotta go, now!" Legs shaking you slowly get up, only to stumble when you try to walk. With a swift motion Molly picks you up and dashes away from the clearing, your breathing was heavy and your head still felt a little hazy after what you just saw but you were still able to focus enough to see Roland give chase after you, a large slash wound across his chest and abdomen. Even with the nasty wound he still managed to gain on you, panic filling every part of your body the closer he got.

"B-be-behind you!" You managed to give a warning and with another swift motion your placed on the ground, hearing the sound of metal clashing before turning to see Molly blocking Roland's attack. You were able to see the road from where you stood but still found it hard to get your body to do what you wanted, feeling as though you frozen in place, so you did the only natural thing left that you could do…

You screamed.

Curling yourself into a ball, squeezing your eyes shut and covering your ears you let out an ear piercing shriek, soon gentle arms pick you up making you once again flinch on reaction but the calming voice that follows eases your worries a bit.

"It’s alright (y/n), you’re going to be okay." Fjord brings you out of the tree line and sets you down into the cart. "Wait here, I’ll be right back." You reach for him as he disappears back into the forest, slowly you lower your arms once again curling up into a ball for any sort of self-comfort, letting tears cascade down your face as the situation fully sinks in.

"It’s my fault this happened. They all died because of me, now I’m gonna lose two families." You sob to yourself thinking only of the worst outcome, so wrapped up in your own world you weren’t sure how much time passed, maybe a minute, maybe an hour you didn’t know anymore. The feeling of something soft and fluffy nudging against you pulls you from those negative thoughts, slowly uncurling yourself to see Frumpkin butting his head against your hand asking for attention. You place the cat onto your lap brushing your hands through his soft fur, looking around your eyes land on Caleb standing a few feet from the cart giving you a empathetic look, had he heard you? It’s not long after the rest of the group emerges from the forest, some of them looking more roughed up then others, most notable being Yasha and Beau.

"So anyone know about that creepy ass clearing?" Beau blurts out, getting a few glares from the party as she realizes her slip of the tongue. "Umm… sorry, the question still stands though."

"M-mr. Roland called it his art." You say it quietly, but still loud enough for them to hear.

"Who’s Mr. Roland?" Jester questions, with a curious tilt of her head. You explain to everyone how he was supposedly a friend to your family, helping with jobs and looking after you and your siblings when your parents couldn’t, and finally how when your family had been attacked several months ago you had thought he was aiding you in the fight.

"No one survived, except for me… they all died because of me." You hug Frumpkin closer to you as fresh tears streamed down your face.

"That’s not true-"

"How do you know!" You shout at Fjord, cutting him off and immediately feeling guilty for doing so, you still continue but softer. "He said it himself that they all died while I was running away."

"They died because you ran away or to help you run away?" You snivel as you think about it again, but it was still hard to focus on your own thoughts. There was, however, one thing on your mind that kept taking priority over all else you just weren’t sure if they’d all agree, better to ask now then never though.

"Can-can I ask you all to do something for me? It’s ok if you don’t wanna, but I was wondering if we could maybe… go back and give them a funeral, or something." As you spoke your words fade to a soft whisper, feeling embarrassed by the request, resorting to hiding your face in the fur of the cat still trapped in your arms. The party talks amongst themselves while you try distracting yourself by playing with Frumpkin's paws.

"Hey." Looking up you see Veth in front of you offering her hand for you to take, so readjusting Frumpkin you take it as she leads you off the cart again and back towards the tree line. While your walking she keeps her hand firmly in yours. "I know this must hard for you, are you really sure you want to go back and see the… aftermath?" Was it not for the situation you’d find it almost funny how despite being about the same height she still acts very motherly to you, or maybe it wasn’t that funny at all, either way you knew what you wanted to be done.

"I’m sure, I don’t want them to be left here as a crazy mans 'art project' they don’t deserve that and I…" You pause, the words catching in your throat. Veth gives you a few gentle squeezes for reassurance to continue, after a minute you find your words again. "I want say goodbye properly. Is that dumb, does that sound dumb?"

"No no, it’s not dumb at all, in fact that’s very brave of you. Some grownups don’t even have the nerve to say goodbye, so just know I’m proud of you for that." You give her a small but genuine smile. By now you had made it back to the clearing, and with some deep breaths you step into it see the rest of the Nein having already dug some holes in the ground to act as graves. The bodies of your family and other poor victims who fell prey to Roland already being placed in some, Caduceus being the one instructing everyone on the proper procedures. It took a few hours so by the time they finished burying the bodies the sky had turned to dusk.

"Is there anything you’d like to say?" Caduceus asks you softly, as if his words could shatter you if he wasn’t careful. You open your mouth but find it to be a struggle to think of something to say now, having been put on the spot in front of everyone trying to force any sort of sound out to no luck. Your face slowly turns red at the feeling of embarrassment that washes over you.

"I have something to say to them if that is alright with you." Caleb says, looking to you as if to ask permission, you tilt your head a little in confusion but nod. He steps forward and clears his throat. "I may not have known them, but if (y/n) is an example of their kindness and acceptance of others, then I can understand why they would do anything to keep them alive." He turns and gives you a gentle smile, you faintly return it.

"It always hurts to lose someone you love, but if I can learn not to let that chain me down and accept love from others again then you can too." Yasha surprised you with her sweet words but there was something uplifting about them that you couldn’t help but raise your smile at.

"My turn! Ok… may the Traveler bless your souls for sending us this sweet little child to call our own, ummm… that’s all I got." Jester pipes in, bringing a sort of joy to cut down the lingering tension, it almost makes you giggle.

"As a mother, I know I’d happily give my life again to protect Luc knowing that he’s still alive and will carry on my legacy." Veth says, almost reminestantly. It made you slowly realize that maybe your family did the same so you could carry on their legacy too, if that’s the case then you’d accept it.

"I do believe the kid's made things more lively since they joined and I for one wouldn’t want to trade that for the world." Maybe not as heartfelt of a speech as the others, but you honestly expected nothing less from Molly, he even struts over to you and ruffles your hair earning a small laugh from you.

"Wait, are we taking turns? Uhh… it’s been nice having someone to look out for and teach the ways of the world to, it always feels like we have a purpose even when we feel useless." Fjord stumbled over his words a little, not fully expecting everyone to contribute but found his grounding at the end, his and everyone’s words so far having helped raise you spirits more and more.

"Ummm… look I’m not really good at this emotional stuff but I’m glad your here with us." Like Molly, Beau's little speech wasn’t all that heartfelt but her words were genuine and that’s all you could ask for.

"You all did amazing, I’m proud." Caduceus says, he then gently places his hands on the ground and casts Decompose while muttering a prayer of safe passage for the deceased to the Wildmother. The area quickly sprouting various fungus’ and some (favourite flower/s) the clearing becoming a beautiful patch of nature once again from the horror show that it once was. You are then brought into a group hug, a warm feeling of true belonging coming over you.

"I’m really happy I found you." Tears slide down your cheeks, but no longer ones of sorrow, these were tears of joy.

"We’re glad we found you too."

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medieval-canadian · 4 years ago

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c, x, y

alright. time for a break. there’s one other ask that i’ll save to answer later tonight, but this was the first one i got [edit, now there are two!]. anon, you really just went straight for it, didn’t ya 👀 (from this list)

coming back up to say HO BOY it’s diary time!!! you opened a can o’ worms, anon, and i’m sleep-deprived and my mental state is questionably stable because of the whole grading situation. check out my word vomit. yikes. sorry.

C - how long it’s been since i’ve been kissed

aw, fuck. i had not thought about this before now and the answer is just... unbelievably sad. makes me sad to say that it’s been literal years since i’ve been kissed (not counting like, cheek bussing at family holidays or whatever, which i’m assuming is not the kind of thing we’re talking about). and i’m not using “literal” in the non-literal sense. i think it’s five years, if not longer. that’s so fucking sad.

X - 3 turn ons

umm. okay. so like, physically speaking? or like general things that might attract me to a person? or like.... kinks? lmao. maybe we’ll do one of each, in the spirit of brutal honesty. okay i’m just gonna say that i am not straight but i do lean towards men. i don’t know how much of that is like, social conditioning and whatnot (probably a lot). i don’t really care, it is what it is and i’m not apologizing for it. okay. that said:

not to be super predictable about it, but i like tall, solid guys. i am v smol. it’s a thing ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ also, every single man in my family (the side that i grew up seeing/knowing)--i’m talking my grandfather, my dad, my uncles, my cousins, everyone--is like, a minimum of 6′ tall. my bro is the shortest of all the cousins and he is 5′10 i think. so i’m just used to being dwarfed by men? idk. whatever.

generally, one of the most attractive things to me is gentleness. but like... confident gentleness? like the kind that shows that he knows his own power (physically, institutionally, socially, etc.) and is aware of it and cares enough to modulate it. idk if that makes any sense. just be tender, and my heart’s a puddle.

okay now i AM gonna be even more predictable and shit but like.......... pick me up & put me where you want me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (once we know each other well enough and have talked about these things and can communicate with each other)

Y - 3 turn offs

i can’t really follow the same format as above for this one, cause like, i can’t really say that there are any specific or particular physical qualities or whatever that can be put on a list like this.

major big huge turn off, like i may end up getting freaked out and semi-ghosting level turn off, is (and it’s kinda stupid) like... intense interest? in me romantically? like the reason online dating never ever works for me is cause we meet up and then the dude texts me later that day being like, “i had a great time today, i really like you, when can i see you again” and i go into fight or flight mode and get all, “WHOA buddy pump the BRAKES.” the idea of someone meeting me and immediately knowing that they want to pursue me romantically squicks me out. like, you don’t even know who or how i am? basically the only way for things to work out for me would be to be stealth-dated lmao. or going the whole friends-to-lovers route, but i have like 8 friends and most of them are straight women or happily partnered. now y’all know what i mean when i talk about my chances.

lack of confidence. sometimes i feel bad about this one because i get that people can’t necessarily help it. but obviously i don’t mean being self-conscious about one thing. i mean the more overwhelming kind of lack of confidence where i end up being like, “in charge” because i’m the kind of person who will usually hold back for a bit to see if anyone else steps up, and when they don’t i’ll take charge. and that’s fine in a relationship if there’s give and take, but i cannot stand being relied on for this all the time (i speak from experience).

aggression. just automatic nope, nope, nope gtfo i’m gone byeeee. and i test for it. if i meet a dude in a bar or whatever, one of the first things i’ll do is tease/poke fun at something. his reaction tells me a lot. i don’t even really do this deliberately, it’s partly just who i am (the poking fun) and partly subconscious (gauging reactions).

there we go, friend. i just spent half an hour on this instead of grading. thank you for the distraction, i made a terrible decision but i am grateful for your participation nonetheless. now i’m going to go be haunted by my first answer while trying to keep grading 🙃

#personal #Anonymous #like WAY personal YIKES #this went places i did not expect and im sorry #i have no idea how to tag this #long post #that's for sure #about me

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lunchador · 4 years ago

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so when do we get the long post about your feelings about dragon age inquisition!!! i dunno if u wanna wait until dlc or not! i am i n t e r e s t e d (also its ok if u dont feel up to it im just!!!! again, interested in ur opinions/feelings)

kajsldkjf PLEASE I HAVE SO MANY DA FEELINGS ALL THE TIME and Inquisition was twice as long as the others so might as well do a word vomit now and I can always do another after the dlc (which several people have assured me are worth playing )

Yeah so inquisition is long. I dislike open world games so a lot of the (super repetitive!!) side quests did grate on my nerves and that docks this game a few points but over all the LORE IS SO GOOD, and it tying in so many choices in from 1+2 is the greatest butterfly effect I ever experienced in video games. I thought telltale + Until dawn were fun for that but good LORD bioware has showed up all of those games and I am really stoked to try mass effect when its out later and play more bw games. I only played Anthem before this and that game seemed...idk, gutted against BW’s wishes.

ANYWAY

Yeah, I managed to go into the whole DA series knowing very, very little, despite how many artists I followed did fanart for it. Once I started playing, I added all the words I could think of to my blacklist but a lot of untagged stuff came through (fair, series is 10+ years old and inq is like what 4-5?). I allowed my friends to pressure me into playing an elf mage for the lore and to romance solas cuz they said he was as important to the story as alistair was. A lot of online followers said I should play how I wanted, which I def would recommend to anyone else, but honestly I can see where they came from and while he never would have been my first choice, I think he actually paired REALLY well with my Inq and how I was playing her. I put her as sensitive but trying to put her responsibility above herself, she was definitely the least funny of my 3 characters, but not incredibly serious. A bit reserved? Just more mature. She’s got faith but she didn’t think she was the chosen one but she’ll do her role the best of her ability. She makes hard decisions and then sobs her chest empty over them because how is one to ever feel like its the right one? I really like how the game lets you choose how you wanna approach the responsibility. Like i said, I wasn’t a reluctant chosen one, but she will do what she can. Versus my friend playing at the same time as me said he played as the second coming of jesus essentially lmfao Having so many characters come back for different roles was so GOOD!!! Like everyone told me Varric was in this one but were like ‘teehee you still cant romance him though’ but you how you play drastically changes your relationships with each person. Tons of characters I met I knew would be personal favorites but I ended up interacting way less because others were more fitting to my inquisitor. So i.e while I love Varric and would’ve smooched him a heartbeat with Hawke, I didn’t get that vibe with Clover. They were really good friends, he was a grounded friend with a sense of humor that was a good escape from everyone else and the ~inquisition~. At least, until the Beyond the Abyss quest. That obviously heavily fractured their friendship and hurt them both :( And i felt that for a long time, until the end. He looked tired. Poor guy is gonna be borderline dead in 4 at this point. But so many side characters you talk to coming back like Dagna and Samson??? Speaking of that quest, I got Stroud because, yeah...Alistair was dead for me and APPARENTLY IT COULD ALSO BE LOGHAIN??? If he stays a grey warden?? wish I did that so def would’ve preferred to save Hawke even if I think the wardens are more important as a concept but like.......i wanted to behead him, so....But yes even tiny details like..Varric wrote home to kirkwall to Carver for me because the rest of my family was dead and I never completed a full romance in 2 lkajslkdjf but the fact that changes based on your play through. BUT YEAH THE way this game weaves all your decisions in and how yeah, overall the story is the same but it makes it so personal to YOU and so different from everyone else ;w;

But I could see my Inq genuinely falling for Solas, and I see her best friends as Cassandra and Blackwall/Thom. Really close to Leliana and the Iron Bull as well. I just loved all their interactions. All the characters were so cool to get to know?? Like I thought I would’ve hated Cullen (hes a dick in O) and tbh I just got into the series as the VA was being a complete shit. But I liked him a lot!! I love the work buddies vibes between the Inq and the advisors. I thought I was going to love Sera!! And like, I did, but she hated my Inquisitor and their personalities clashed a lot. Shes the only one i didn’t get a cut scene for in the end :’) I loved coming back from story quests and having to take like 20 minutes to go around skyhold and make sure I talked to /everyone/ for their new dialogue. You genuinely feel connected to all these wonderful npcs ljkasljdf

I wanted to make Cassandra the new divine but I made leliana on accident and kinda dug it so I stuck with it. VARRIC IS THE NEW VISCOUNT??? h i l a r i o u s.

One of the things I loved the most in this game in particular, and while this is something in all of them it just really struck me in this one, was....everyone gave up so so much to devote themselves to the cause, y’know?? Like, it’s almost heartbreaking how much everyone loses and they’re still looking towards you with their belief and willingness to follow you to the end ;-;

The final fight almost felt, Idk, underwhelming? Dude dragons are way tougher than him asdkjhfkhjd. I even went up a difficulty in this game after feeling like I got the hang of the series. But at the same time, we just spend how many hours knocking down each and one of his advantages so fuck him lol.

But yeah there are so many things I wanted to do but I felt so worn out by mindless sidequests and story being level locked in comparison to the previous games. askdjhflkd

One of the things that blows my mind is so so many people were stoked i was playing DA and they couldn’t wait til I got to Inq, and so I find out most people I know only ever played Inquisition? TBH if I didn’t play O+2 I think I would’ve dropped inquisition and never finished it *shrug* all of the build up just means SO MUCH!!! Everyones argument seems to be the older games are ugly and yeah O has rough battle system but its easy to get over imo. Like, you need the chaos of 2 to get the real weight of the mage/templar stuff?? Theres so many characters and story and dialogue that go over your head without Origins?? Like yes inq can stand alone pretty well but, idk, I’m in love with this entire series and the world building and THE!! WAY!!! IT!!! ALL!!! CONNECTS!!!!!!!!!!!

I love how a quest can go differently by whos in your party, I love you can have more dialogue based on lore you’ve managed to pick up around, I love HOW COMPANIONS BICKERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!! The lore of these games are so good. It’s like playing an epic line of novels. It’s so immersive and I don’t think I’ve played too many games to this level.

I didn’t like the skill trees to being a mage in this one, Idk why. It wasn’t nearly as fun for me as 2, but then again I really fucking liked being a force mage haha. I wanted to be a rogue to complete a diff class per game but everyone said mage brings a lot more interesting story/lore stuff so

but yeah I love having the full context now and seeing other peoples Wardens/Hawkes/Inquisitors and asking people how they played and how their options differed from mine and THERES JUST SO MANY POSSIBLE DECISION TREES!!!!! No wonder the fans play over and over.

but yeah ultimately so much fucking happened?? I’m probably missing a lot of key points.

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bendthekneetobangtan · 4 years ago

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15 Questions Tag Game

Thank you @ditzymax for tagging me in this! 💜💜

I’m tagging (only if you want of course): @junghelioseok, @suga-kookiemonster, @underthejoon, @baebae-goodnight,@gukslut

Sorry this is supes long!! 😝

1. It’s your birthday! What did you ask for and did you receive it?

So my birthday isn’t until August so I haven’t technically done anything yet lol. But Jungkook’s cover of 10,000 Hours is so sweet and pure and good that I’m considering it my early birthday present hehehehehe. 😝😝

My real bday request is to see Jungkook’s full sleeve....we’ll see if that happens by my birthday! 👀

2. What was the last song or album you listened to?

Do you even have to ask??! 😌 Jungkook’s cover of 10,000 Hours of course lskdjfldskjfs

3. What is your go to snack when you’re hungry or bored?

I try not to snack if I can help it. If I’m feeling healthy, I’ll eat some fruit (usually an apple or something easy that I don’t have to peel lol). My snack of choice is ice cream 🍦 hahaha

4. What is your morning routine?

Scroll through my phone after my alarm goes off and laze in bed for a bit until I force myself to roll out and use the bathroom. Walk the dog of course, make a cup of coffee, fill up my water bottle, start working. I fast in the mornings on the weekdays so my first meal isn’t until lunchtime. On the weekends when I feel like treatin’ myself, I’ll make pancakes or a frittata or a breakfast sammie. 🥞🍳🥪 I loooove brekkie foods.

5. What mythical/cryptic creature would you be?

An elf. Just to be really cool, elegant, graceful, and kickass in combat lmao 🏹

6. How do you interact with someone that you don’t like?

I legit will ignore them LMAO 😂😂😂 There was this time a few years ago that I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend and some friends. Our waiter ended up being this guy that I totally hated in elementary school because he was such a dick to me. I tried valiantly to not make eye contact with him, but unfortunately he recognized me LOL

7. How do you define a toxic person?

A person who only cares about their own self-interests and no one else’s feelings. Also someone who fails to see when they’ve committed wrongdoing to another person, but gets really super offended if they’ve had something objectively innocuous done to them.

8. Have you ever been to a concert or fan meet type of event? If not, would you want to?

No fan meets, but I’ve been to a few concerts. The last one was BTS at Soldier Field in May 2019. I don’t think I would want to go to a fan meet though. I’d be a complete mess of nerves and I’d be sweating bullets and my face would probably turn bright red. Legit 🥵🥵🥵🥵. EMBARRASSING.

9. Do you believe in astrology? Why or why not?

American astrology, no. Chinese astrology, a little. I believe in the compatibility aspect of the Chinese zodiac but nothing else lmao 😝 apparently, I should be most compatible with Joonie and Hobi 👀

10. If you had only one sense (hearing, touch, sight, etc.), what would you want?

DAMN this is an evil question. I think I would have to agree with Max and go with sight. I really enjoy hiking so if I couldn’t see anything, there would be no purpose in hiking anymore lmao 🏔️. Also I’m a very petty person so I would have an excuse if someone I hated tried to talk to me, I could say “oh, woops I didn’t hear you” lol

11. Who is your favourite celebrity or idol?

BTS

12. If you could talk to your favourite celebrity(s) for a limited time, what would you tell them?

I’d probably word vomit and tell Namjoon how much I admire him. Maybe try to sneak in a marriage proposal idk 🤐

13. I’m taking you out on a date and it’s your choice. Where are we going?

I’m an easy date - I just want to eat. HOWEVER, if that person ends up being a picky eater, this relationship isn’t gonna pan out lmao.

14. Do you like sweet or savory foods?

For practicality’s sake, I eat savory foods more often than sweets. Sadly I cannot subsist on a cake diet 😔

15. Do you have any band merchandise or merchandise from any of your favourite artists? If so, what?

Nothing from BTS directly, but I have a few things from BT21: a pillow, a spa headband, and some other stuff. I try to be practical and not go overboard with collecting things. 😅

#tag games #mj rambles

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tslasvegas · 4 years ago

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Episode 9: “Dear Diary, it’s me, Jaiden” - Jaiden

I feel like I've had a breakthrough. I just survived my first merge vote of the game and I wasn't even having a meltdown. That's already miles and miles ahead of my last Tumblr Survivor season where I made the merge. Although I don't think my position in this game is locked yet, I feel pretty good about where I stand. I hope that the Touchy Subjects answers reveal my hopes that I'm not a threat to anybody and that people don't believe the common idea is that I'm shitty or too perfect or something. If that makes any sense. Basically I just want to know that I'm doing okay here so far. I feel good about my chances at that but we need some work to be done before I can say that for certain. I hate seeing Andrew leave because like I said he's someone that I wanted to work with, but I have to believe what people said about him being an over-player, a mess, etc. and just stick to my guns that I made the right call here. I kind of wanted to see if Joey would play his legacy for Ben but I'm glad I held back on that because I hope the legacy will come back in the future to save me. I don't have a lot of confidence when it comes to the literal minefield of idols and nullifiers out there. As long as I continue convincing people I'm on their side, or that I'm not the enemy at least, those things won't get used on me. Right now that we're on the jury, I NEED to focus on my jury management first and foremost. I am super okay with playing my strategic and social game the way I've been doing it thus far (obv learning from past mistakes.....) but the killer to my game 99% of the time I've made it deep in these things is how I get that jury to feel about me. Protect myself in game, but also set up a jury of folks who feel like they can trust me and only me. And.. hopefully some day I'll blindside Joey and he'll give me his legacy advantage.

...five seconds later

Tbh I hope that Jake reads this after the season and realizes that I never once at this point in the merge find him annoying. Somehow in his own mind he thinks hes like, the worst person ever and I'm trying to tell him he's not, he's great, we have a lot of work ahead of, etc and he's not buying it at all. Idk if this is him trying to emotionally manipulate me or not, but.. like.. thats my gameplan tf!

So Steph, Pat and Jeff were left out of the vote. But Jaiden said it was supposed to be unanimous. That means that Keegan, Liv and Joey purposely left them out. I don't understand why they would intentionally make enemies. Better for us I suppose. We just got to keep our ragtag group of 6 together: me, John, Jake, Kailyn, Jaiden and Ben.

So the merge vote was quite interesting. With this being a 13 person merge, I tend to believe it is best to play a tad conservatively early on. This made it to where I figure the OG Palazzo would get a good 1-2 rounds of things their way before Keegan, Jake, and I mounted our little rebellion. As it turns out, I woke up to Jake and Keegan wanting me on call because Andrew was being as messy as he was on our swap tribe. Jake said that Andrew confirmed the OG Palazzo chat, something Keegan and I had already did, and that Keegan threw Jake's name out in said chat and Andrew shot it down. In reality, Andrew is actually the person that threw Jake out. He threw Jake's name out first on our swap tribe and he threw it out first here. I am really unsure what game Andrew really wanted to play beyond making sure he had options outside of the OG Palazzo. So from this point, we went around and got a feel for who we could pull. Joey had already expressed to Keegan that he felt nervous about there being a massive numerical OG Palazzo majority. The game is better for all of us if it is a bad more fluid. We ended up kicking Andrew to the curb in a 9-4 vote with Steph, Jeff, Pat, and Andrew voting in the minority. We talked in the OG Palazzo chat and those left out seemed to understand once we explained some of Andrew's missteps in PM's. This is good because I want some form of OG Palazzo to be there if it becomes something that I need down the line. At this current moment, I have heard no one bring up the super idol that is in Keegan and I's possession so I can only assume that we got lucky and no one actually checked the vault after we grabbed it. This could be due to lack of chips at the time or people just forgetting to. So for now, I shall assume everyone thinks that the super idol is vibing on the idol board, which is very good for me. Typically with a super idol, it would be super easy for you to get voted out the round after saving yourself with it. That is why I would like for it to get as deep into this game as possible. At the end of the day, the best part about having it is knowing its whereabouts and not having someone else possess it. So after TC, Jake, Keegan, and I hopped on call to celebrate. Jake revealed that Joey offered a 4 to him and Jake said I am good and should be included. This is how many current alliances are looking: - F2: Keegan and I - Three of Us: Keegan, Jake, and I - Meninism: Keegan, Jake, Joey, Jaiden, and I - OG Palazzo: Keegan, Joey, Jeff, Pat, Steph, and I This makes it so that the only people I do not have some sort of alliance with are Ben, Kailyn, John, and Xavier. I like these people but that is kind of how the game is shaking out currently. Ideally, I want Ben out next as it would allow my 3 to fade into the background and let what should be a consensus boot happen. After TC, multiple people expressed that Ben hadn't been very social. Now the current challenge is Touchy Subjects and I hope I do not get too many positive ones just because they could result in me being targeted. I think I am in a good spot to where I am doing well socially and having one on one's with everyone in some capacity, but I am hoping I am not perceived as any sort of power player at the moment. That fucked me in Trinity: Deception Island and I would not like for that to fuck me over here. I do think I have the connections to make it through for a little while. I see a path to the end but as I get closer I will have to evaluate whether or not that is a winning path to the end. Below is a short synopsis of my one on ones with people: - Steph: like nothing because I have found her super dry premerge - Jaiden: we have been talking about reading and writing and books and it is a good time - Jeff: he is a king and we have been talking about theatre and work and past games and shit - Jake: not as much one on one stuff due to our calls with Keegan - Keegan: not a lot but I have been updating him prior to updating the 3 chat - Kailyn: college and majors and such - Xavier: not a whole lot but he seems really sweet and messaged me "i am glad we voted together :)" after TC and I found that super wholesome - Ben: he has not responded in a bit but he wanted to strategize for the idol hunt with me - Joey: a decent bit of memes back and forth - Pat: lots of small talk but we have had some good convos and he seems to understand the Andrew move - John: we talked a bit about Atomic Nova Scotia Overall, I think I am doing well but not overtly so. This is ideal when we are still at Final 12 I think.

I think Palazzo will vote out Stephanie :) They hate women

Wow. I'm writing this after immunity results. I'm kind of just gonna word vomit. I checked off individual immunity from my checklist. And it's this challenge. The one that eliminated me in 26. The one that crushed 16 year old Jake's self confidence, and made him never want to play again. I got Hero, want to win, funniest, and stop talking which is kind of my favorite. I never ever thought I'd come back after 73 seasons, win THIS challenge, and in an individual setting. I changed history a little bit. And now I'm in the final 11. Ben is the easy vote this round, personally I'd love to see Stephanie go so that I can have Xavier to myself. But I can't push too hard. I controlled last vote, let someone else have a turn in the sun. I get to chill for once.

Now that’s character development!

Move now or lay low?

youtube

Final 12 feels pretty good, but final 11 will be so much better. If I make it through this vote, this will be the longest I’ve made it in a merge! And I’ll tie my placement with India :) Obviously I am still focused on my goal of making it thru til single digits, but I’m celebrating the small victories now so I don’t focus too hard on strategy that doesn’t need to take place this early. I feel like everyone is going to be looking at Ben as the dude they need to get rid of, so I won’t be surprised if he ends up going home. I don’t think that is the absolute worst thing for my game right now, but I’d prefer Stephanie or Xavier going before Ben at least for right now. I suppose I don’t have a huge voice on the subject but my pitch to keep Ben tomorrow is that it keeps Kailyn away from trying to work with Stephanie and Xavier who, frankly, need to be part of the next couple boots if we’re thinking big picture.. I don’t know if Joey will listen to me. Another option is maybe see if we can swing votes to Pat. Would anybody be upset to see Pat go home? Who knows. But basically my relationships are so little with Pat, Kailyn, Stephanie, and Xavier and idk what to do about them right now. I really just don’t wanna see those four link up and go super far because that would be kinda boring and really devastating LOL Another big win for me today was that I got put into the Meninist alliance with Jake, Joey, Livingston, and Keegan. While I’m not particularly fond of Livingston yet, we’ll see if he grows on me :) if not he can say adios. Since Joey is looking REALLY dangerous I’m gonna try to distance myself from him more and more right now. I don’t want people to think I’m drinking his kool aid bc I’m not, but I don’t want him to think I’ve turned on him bc I definitely want him to still give me that legacy advantage.. This morning I was thinking about how I can really give myself a better trajectory to the end and I’m a little bit confused still on what my winning conditions are for this game. What moves can I start making today that will set me up for six tribals down the line when surely the game is getting messy as fuck and I need protection from all sides? Maybe discrediting people like Xavier, Stephanie, Kailyn, Pat, and even Livingston aren’t the best things for me to do right now. I want to keep people who are in my corner safe such as Jeff, Keegan, Jake, and hopefully Joey but we’re almost to the halfway point of the game and it’s not going to be easy to keep everybody including myself safe. It’s no longer a question of whether I’ll win this or not. It’s a question of how I win. The merge is what counts I think.. everything before that was just the foundation for success. My foundation is cracked and not the best but I’m picking up the pace, I think. Whatever. If I have to use my social connections to Joey or John or whoever, I’m going to manipulate them to what benefits me. I don’t wanna go down that path of being messy but some day soon these ppl are gonna realize they should’ve never trusted me to begin with... because I’m coming for them.

Me almost forgetting confessionals were a thing. Ben is really popping off here today because he knows he's the boot. And now he has created a "straights alliance". This... is such a weird day. I wanna just go back to bed and not deal with all of this because it's weird.

6 years ago I wanted to pull of a move like this. I can get Ben to explode in main chat and with everyone. Pick fights, freak out, tank people’s games, just be a monster. And without anyone knowing, I’ll give him my safety without power. Idols will be flushed, mass panic, and I have immunity so I’m just chilling. We’re about to gamble baby.

Dear Diary, it’s me, Jaiden. Ben went off the deep end today and proved that he was a wasted spot on this season to begin with. This tribe is only big enough for one messy bitch, and not only that but I'm one big fat messy bitch, so sorry Ben but your time has come.

I always get a bad feeling before tribal. I just hope Ben goes, and it’s easy and smooth and there’s no issues.

I thought Kailyn was horny texting me, turns out she's just high........ Kailyn, 5:15 PM so is the vote tonight ben ?? i’m kind of [redacted] rn don’t know what’s going on 😳 Jaiden, 5:15 PM yeah :/ i feel bad bc ive grown to like ben but no one is offering any sort of alternative omg whats redacted Kailyn, 5:16 PM 😳😳😳 legally, it’s a joke 💖 Jaiden, 5:16 PM IM??? Kailyn, 5:16 PM JSDJKSKA Jaiden, 5:16 PM WHAT do u mean uimm i cant find the up emoji but like UP u know?? Kailyn, 5:16 PM SJHDJDKSLA yes 💖 Jaiden, 5:17 PM omg queeeeeeeen i love that for u JOKINGLY of course hehe Kailyn, 5:17 PM for the laugh 💖💖💖💖💖 thank u Jaiden, 5:17 PM god we stan r u gonna be at tribal?? Kailyn, 5:18 PM if i remember yes ofc 😇 me trying to do my french hw rn: 🧍‍♀️🧍🧍‍♂️ Jaiden, 5:19 PM HAHA good...i wanna see u pop awf hopefully HJAHHAHA i love the emojis Jaiden, Kailyn, 5:19 PM NSHDJSJAJ ofc 💖 Jaiden, 5:19 PM god im truely living my best life thru u rn tell me something french Kailyn, 5:22 PM je can’t remember a word of français rn bc i’m so h word 💖🙏🥵 Jaiden, 5:22 PM *HAPPY!!* Kailyn, 5:27 PM so true 😇 Jaiden, 5:27 PM wait i hope we mean the same h word im starting to think its not the one im thinking of....... Kailyn, 5:28 PM DJDJDJKSAKALKAK uhhh not me accidentally calling Xavier 😭😭😭😭 Jaiden, 5:29 PM DID HE ANSWER Kailyn, 5:30 PM YEAHHHSJDJSKLALA Jaiden, 5:31 PM WHAT HAPPENED IM FUIOHWODIH thats so fucking funy Kailyn, 5:31 PM NDDHJDKSS I SAW MY FACE POP UP ON THE SCREEN AND I WAS LIKE FUCK Jaiden, 5:31 PM H9uhiudheiuhfH Kailyn, 5:31 PM AND HE WAS LIKE. DID U CALL Jaiden, 5:31 PM VIDEO CALL????????????? Kailyn, 5:31 PM AND I WAS LIKE UHHH Jaiden, 5:31 PM IM DYING Kailyn, 5:32 PM AND HUNG UP Jaiden, 5:32 PM KAILYN Kailyn, 5:32 PM NSHDHDKSLSLA Jaiden, 5:32 PM IM LAUGHING SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKIGNM HARD Kailyn, 5:32 PM ate some Good chocolate on this night 😤👼 Jaiden, 5:33 PM oh my GOD you're talking about the H i DIDNT THINK U WERE TAKING ABT Kailyn, 5:33 PM JDDHJDKSKALAP WHAT DID U THINK Jaiden, 5:33 PM maybe calling xavier wasnt on accident i THOUGHT you were talking about being high but UGHFWO)DJH CHOCOLATE IS AN APHRODISIAC Kailyn, 5:34 PM YEAH I AM WTF Jaiden, 5:34 PM WHAT] Kailyn, 5:34 PM DJJDDJKSLSPAPS NOOOOOO Jaiden, 5:34 PM I TOHUGHT Kailyn, 5:34 PM SHJDJDKDOEOEOWOWA Jaiden, 5:34 PM OMFG Kailyn, 5:34 PM BCUCNCNDODNDIEOEKOEW Jaiden, 5:34 PM WHEN U SAID CALLED XAVIER AND THE CHOCOLATE Kailyn, 5:34 PM WHAT THE FUCKODKSKSKS NOOOOOOO Jaiden, 5:34 PM I WAS LIKE WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING Kailyn, 5:34 PM DBHDJSKAKAKS BYE NOOOOOO DJDHDJSKALLAA Jaiden, 5:34 PM IM DETLTING MY FUCKING ACCOUNT IM DLEETING MY FUCKING ACCOT Kailyn, 5:34 PM HSHDHDKSKALA

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macgyvermedical · 5 years ago

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An Environmental and Public Health Review of 1985 MacGyver’s “Bitter Harvest“

Let’s face it- everyone’s doing medical reviews these days. It’s about time someone realized that public health is in all your favorite TV shows, lurking in the background, just waiting to be reviewed...

And by favorite TV shows, I mean 1985 MacGyver. Cause damn could this show roll out the public health storylines.

If you haven’t seen the episode “Bitter Harvest”, its a pretty social justice heavy one:

Mac ends up stranded in a town of agricultural laborers who suspect that the company employing them is using unsafe pesticide applications in their vinyards, causing elevated rates of cancer, mystery illnesses, and birth defects. When a prominent figure in the community is killed over his workers’ rights protest, Mac decides to go undercover as one of the workers, finding that the company has been using an illegal plant growth regulator they suspect is behind the illnesses. The episode deals with issues of environmental and occupational health, worker’s rights, and the social determinants of health overall.

This post will cover all the public health related knowledge you can stand about the potentially illegal chemical application, the social determinants of health, and of course, the many, many, many times Mac gets sick or injured during his 4-day stay in Kasabian, CA.

Skip to “The Medical Review Part” if you’re just here to watch Mac suffer.

My previous MacGyver (2016 and 1985) reviews:

Awl - X-Ray + Penny - Duct Tape + Jack - CD + Hoagie Foil - Guts + Fuel + Hope - Wilderness + Training + Survival - Father + Bride + Betrayal - Lidar + Rogues + Duty - Nightmares - Seeds + Permafrost + Feather - Friends + Enemies + Border - Mason + Cable + Choices -

Note: listen, guys, I was really trying hard not to make this into another 3000-word post... but I did. This literally took me weeks to research and write. For ease of scrolling, I’ve put a read more here. Enjoy!

Agricultural Chemical Application

In the episode, residents of the town claim they’ve been illegally exposed to agricultural chemicals. Various characters tell stories of being forced to work in fields too soon after pesticide application, and of the illnesses or birth defects they and their children have suffered because of it.

The application of pesticides, fertilizers, and in certain cases plant growth regulators, are vital to modern agriculture operating at the scale necessary to support a nearly 8-billion-human planet. Due to the fact that many of these chemicals will eventually enter human bodies, great effort has been made over the last century to create chemicals that function to kill pests and increase crop yields while posing as little harm as possible to the humans who may also be exposed to them.

The episode features three very different agricultural chemicals- Captain, Methomyl, and 4-CPA. The first two, Captain and methomyl, are both pesticides. Pesticide is an umbrella term for any chemical that kills an unwanted animal (i.e. a rodenticide), insect (insecticide), fungus (fungicide), plant (herbicide), microbe (microbicide), or algae (algaecide). Pesticides are often necessary to control populations of animals and insects that would eat the crop, control fungus and algae that would spoil it, and control the growth of plants that would compete with the crop for nutrients.

Pesticides (and many other agricultural chemicals) are regulated in the US under a law called FIFRA- the Federal Insecticide, Fungicide, and Rodenticide Act. FIFRA is enforced by the US EPA, who generally details where, when, how, and how much of an agricultural chemical can be used, as well as how much of any agricultural chemical can be left on the final crop (this is usually a very small amount).

Captain is a blend of copper-based microbicides and algaecides. Copper-based pesticides have been around since the 1700s. They’re used on almost every conventional food crop in some form to prevent fungal and bacterial infestation, as well as to prevent the growth of algae in standing water. Generally, they can be pretty irritating to eyes and skin and toxic if swallowed at high concentrations, but they’re pretty safe in the dilute amounts routinely used.

Methomyl is a carbamate insecticide. Many forms of insecticide, carbamates included, work because they prevent the breakdown of a neurotransmitter called acetylcholine in the insect. This causes an overproduction of acetylcholine and the death of the bug. Since humans also produce and break down acetylcholine in a similar way, carbamates are also toxic to humans. In fact, they’re extremely similar to the chemical weapons known as nerve agents.

Why would we spray nerve agents on food? Well, carbamates and organophosphates (another similar pesticide) are actually pretty nonpersistant, meaning that they rapidly break down in the environment and become non-toxic long before the end consumer is exposed. This is good for humans, because it means we can spray them on food, kill the bugs, wait a certain amount of time, and then we can re-enter the fields or eat food without being poisoned.

Toward the beginning of the episode, Mac is knocked out and left in a field, where he is sprayed directly with some form of agricultural chemical. This leaves him generally weak and coughing for the rest of the episode. While never really explained, if I were to give my best guess as to what was sprayed on him based on what is shown in the episode, methomyl would be it.

Weakness, coughing, nausea/vomiting/diarrhea, excessive salivation, sweating, blurred vision, and constricted pupils are all symptoms of exposure to carbamates, organophosphates, and their earlier and significantly more persistent (and therefore toxic) cousins the organochlorines. Fortunately for Mac, acute (one-time) exposures to carbamates like this don’t tend to have long-term consequences once the person recovers.

The last chemical mentioned in the episode was 4-CPA, referred to in the episode as “fix”. 4-CPA is a plant growth regulator (basically a synthetic plant hormone) that restricts root development in some plants and increases fruit yield in others. In the episode it’s treated like it’s some super toxic, illegal pesticide that would be outrageous and reckless to use on your grape crop. In reality, it’s not really dangerous to humans at all (it can be irritating to skin and eyes, but its non-cancer-causing, non-birth-defect-causing, and generally not even that acutely toxic), and the US uses so little of it as a country (about 20lbs total per year) that just in quantity it’s probably not a threat to the general environment either.

At the time of the episode 4-CPA was only approved for use on tomatoes and mung beans, meaning that the episode’s assertion that it was illegal on grapes is technically true (why Mac knows this off the top of his head is beyond me, but here we are). I’m not sure what, if anything, would happen if you put it on grapes, but I get the sense it either wouldn’t do anything, or wouldn’t do enough good to justify the expense. Today, it’s just approved for mung beans (and either way, it’s not sprayed, the mung beans are just washed in a really dilute solution of it before they’re allowed to sprout).

If you’re like me, you’re wondering “so why use 4-CPA as the big bad chemical at all when there are clearly more dangerous, more illegal agricultural chemicals to choose from?” I had 2 ideas:

4-CPA has a really limited market. Even if the episode launched some kind of investigation into it, it wouldn’t disrupt any significant amount of agriculture.

Mac needed to be able to identify the substance with limited resources, and 4-CPA just happens to have an obvious “melting crystal” structure that can be seen with a homemade polaroscope (I don’t know this for a fact, but since that’s how Mac identified it and there’s not really any other reason to use it, there might be some scientific truth to it).

4-CPA’s toxicity wasn’t actually relevant plot-wise, they just needed something illegal Kasabian was doing that Tony could have used to open dialogue about a union contract. This gets some mixed-signals throughout the episode because they seem to use it interchangeably with “toxic pesticide”, but it could have been the initial intent.

At the end of the episode it is revealed that Kasabian (the character) has ordered that all grapes treated with 4-CPA to be destroyed, voluntarily submitted his fields to outside testing, and decided to stop using “Tox 1″ pesticides. This is in reference to the chemical’s US Toxicity Class. The most toxic are “Toxicity Class 1″ which are fatal if less than 5g of the substance is ingested. The least toxic is “Toxicity Class 4″ which is entirely non-fatal and non-toxic at most reasonably ingest-able doses.

For reference, 4-CPA is a “Tox 4″, while Captain is a “Tox 3″ and methomyl is a “Tox 1″. So basically the ones Mac brushed off as “legal” are way, way more toxic than the one they make a big deal about.

(I did try to figure out what the heck dynaset (dinaset? dynacet? idk?) was, but came up empty. If you know what the heck Alex was talking about with his story about the guy who died from dynaset exposure, please let me know!)

The Social Determinants of Health:

In the episode, Carmen and Mac have a discussion about why Carmen’s daughter Natalie was born with a limb defect. Mac asks if she thinks it has to do with pesticide exposure, but while Carmen endorses having worked in the fields until well into her 3rd trimester and was certainly exposed to agricultural chemicals, she is hesitant to agree, stating “we are poor people, Mr. MacGyver. Many things contribute to birth defects.”

While Carmen may be curbing her language out of fear in this scene, she’s not wrong in suggesting that her socioeconomic status may be just as important a factor in her family’s overall health outcomes. More broadly, this concept is known as the Social Determinants of Health- the idea that while access to healthcare and general health choices are important, factors like economic stability, education/language/literacy, built environment, food security, and social support actually have a substantially greater impact on overall health.

This is a massive topic, and not one we can completely cover in the post, but know that this is a thing that we think about extensively in both the medical and public health worlds:

Consider that the children of Kasabian are growing up in poverty and possibly food insecurity, reliant on local-tax-funded public education that may or may not be provided in an appropriate language, with parents who work long days in the field and carry home pesticide residue on their clothes, whose drinking water is likely contaminated with the same pesticides, and who primarily receive healthcare from a free clinic (mentioned in the episode).

Contrast this with a child who grows up in an affluent, safe, suburban community with an affordable super market within driving distance, reliable and flexible transportation, a well-funded school system with classes taught in their primary language, with clean tap water, consistent healthcare, and whose parents work in low-physical-risk occupations and can afford to spend time with them without a life-altering reduction in income.

Could both of these children grow up healthy? Sure, but even if the Kasabian child’s parents are careful to take their clothes off before hugging them, install and maintain filters on their taps, give up sleep to tutor them, and obtain healthy food from some other source, these activities would cause a significant burden to the family and the environment itself would still put the child behind. Even in the best of circumstances, with parents who are both creative and really, really trying, the child growing up in Kasabian is still going to be exposed to higher levels of pesticides, have a lower quality education (and therefore lower health literacy), lack appropriate healthcare, and get less sleep, all of which together contribute to statistically worse health outcomes.

Now, I did a quick lit search to see if anyone had found an association between limb defects and parental occupational (work-related) exposure to agricultural chemicals. In the several studies I looked at, (1 based on data from the 1980s), there was either no association or a very weak association between parental pesticide exposure and limb defects. This means that her mother’s pesticide exposure was likely not the cause of Natalie’s birth defect (common causes of limb reduction defects include thalidomide, misoprostal, or anti-convulsant exposure, certain viral infections, and folic acid deficiency, though many times the reason is unknown).

Had it been the cause, though, consider that Carmen likely felt compelled to continue working her manual labor job where pesticide exposure was likely because she had no other choice economically. If she didn’t want to starve in the weeks of income loss after Natalie’s birth, she had to work for as long as she could. In a more affluent household or an area less reliant on agricultural work, she may have been able to afford to take the time off or work a different job during her pregnancy, which might have prevented the birth defect.

The Medical Review Part

I said this was going to be a public health review, but let’s also face it- Mac was arrested, in a car accident, knocked out, poisoned, forced to walk 20 miles in the sun with no water, nearly suffocated, and thrown through a plate glass shower in this episode, so we’re still going to talk about medical things (but relate them back to public health, of course!).

The first thing is that car accident. After being released from jail, one of the organizers, Tony, offers Mac a place to stay for the night. On the way back to Tony’s house, his car is run off the road, resulting in what was essentially a front-end collision with a ditch. The pic below doesn’t look too rough, but that car was airborne before it face-planted into that dirt, so... it was bad.

Tony’s car is a 1973 Chrysler New Yorker (thanks to @thefirstusernameithoughtof for the ID). The 1973 New Yorker did have 3-point seatbelts, and we know from the screenshot below that both Mac and Tony were wearing them correctly (this show is so good at role modeling, even the little things, man I love it). However, like many 70s vehicles, it did not have additional safety features like airbags or a crumple zone.

This would be in accordance with the law at the time- although seatbelts were mandatory as far back as 1968, front airbags wouldn’t become mandatory until 1998 (based on a law first introduced in 1991), and “crumple zones” (the front portion of the vehicle that “crumples” to absorb force in an impact to avoid crushing the occupants), while standard today, has never been made legally mandatory in the US. Without this technology, I think its unlikely Mac and Tony survived this crash without very serious injuries.

Despite this, they appear to be unharmed (those sure were some great seatbelts), and after surviving the accident well enough to get up and then run from the scene, Mac is incapacitated by the comparatively minor insult of a 2x4 to the face.

And I will say, it would have been totally realistic for Mac to get a mild-to-moderate concussion resulting in him being unable to fight back or get up for several minutes, giving the bad guys a chance to escape and for Mac to be sprayed with pesticide.

If you remember from earlier in the post, out of the pesticides mentioned, I think methomyl is probably what Mac gets sprayed with. Throughout the rest of the episode, we see him weak, coughing and sweaty, which line up well with the symptoms of carbamate pesticide poisoning (in case you skipped the first part of the post, other symptoms include blurred vision, constricted pupils, excessive salivation, and nausea/vomiting/diarrhea, which I suppose would be difficult to show on family-friendly TV).

Even though he is grossly decontaminated (washed off) by Carmen, as someone recently concussed and poisoned, Mac probably should have sought some form of medical attention. He didn’t. Instead, two days later, still reasonably sick, Mac decides he needs some answers and goes undercover as one of the laborers. He’s not doing too great, and has to work all day in the hot sun. With the extra sweating, salivation, nausea and diarrhea from the aftereffects of the pesticide, Mac would have had to be really, really careful to stay hydrated.

And, I suppose, he tries. In terrible Spanish, Mac asks if there is any water, to which a woman points him to a spigot.... about thirty feet from a latrine. He, I think reasonably in the moment, chooses not to drink it.

Being that the field was 20 miles from town, I have to assume that the water coming out of the spigot was from a well. And since we have to assume that this well provides drinking water to more than 25 people more than 60 days per year, it is legally considered a public water source, and thereby beholden to the 1986 Safe Drinking Water Act. That means that in order to be in compliance, the water coming out of it either had to be regularly tested to ensure that it naturally met maximum allowable standards for various contaminants (like... human waste and pesticide runoff), or it had to be fitted with a filter or other means of reducing those contaminants to maximum allowable levels.

But that’s legally. The EPA, who would be enforcing that Act, probably wouldn’t come in and ensure that testing was being done unless someone complained, and given the other things that have happened in this episode that haven’t been reported (like, you know, the murder), Mac has every right to be suspicious of that water source.

The fact that there are workers in a remote field without a clean water source is also probably several OSHA violations, but we don’t have time for that right now.

Given that Mac was soon after discovered and forced to walk the 20 miles back to town, it might have been worth it to get some of that contaminated water. Since he made it back to town at all, I have to assume he found a surface water source and a way to clean it (he is MacGyver, after all), between the fields and the town, otherwise, considering that he’s in rough shape already, that very well could have been death number 2 for him this episode.

The next day, somehow still upright, Mac goes looking for proof that Kasabian was violating the law. He ends up finding it, but is interrupted, punched multiple times, and thrown through a sheet of glass not once, but twice, thus earning his 3rd, 4th, 5th, and probably 6th concussions of the episode. So at this point he really, really should be seeing a doctor.

Instead, he goes to a funeral.

R E F E R E N C E S R E F E R E N C E S

#MacGyver #MacGyver Classic #bitter harvest #medical review #public health #public health review #whump #EPA violations galore

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