#this is starting to become the women forgiveness blog

[yantao-enthusiast]

oh she's unforgiveable? *cracks knuckles* lemme at her

[imjustasimpxd]

Something Old, Something New

(Chapter One)

➬ Ken Sato x Fem reader

Summary : At first glance, Ken Sato seemed to have it all. With money, fame, and success surrounding his name, there was nothing he couldn’t get his hands on. They say money can buy happiness. That may be true to an extent, however, can money buy forgiveness? Unfortunately for Ken, no amount of money and influence can turn back time and change the past. No amount of bribery can erase the fact that he had chosen to abandon his wife in favor of pursuing his baseball career. That awful decision he made took place five years ago, when he was just starting out as a professional athlete. But now that he’s matured and had time to reflect on his actions, can he hope for a chance to rekindle his marriage? Or should he accept defeat and live with the consequences of letting the only woman he’s ever truly loved slip away from him?

Word count : around 2,500 words

Warnings : mentions of abandonment and neglect, arrogant Sato, sad reader, mentions of regret, angst

Author’s notes : comments and reblogs are appreciated!! I appreciate all feedback on my writing so that I can know what you guys liked and what you think I should improve on

Disclaimer : this is a work of fiction and should in no way, shape, or form, be taken seriously.

Side Note : This fic, and everything else I’ve written on my blog is mine and only mine. I work very hard on everything I write so do not, under any circumstances, modify, copy, or stela my work.

Ken Sato. Looks, wealth, talent, charisma, and confidence rolled into one good looking package. 

The mere mention of his name was enough to cause an uproar of fanatics screaming and shouting in excitement, as if they were a pack of wolves howling at the moon. 

Though he was mostly known for his impressive baseball career, being named one of the most eligible bachelors in sports didn’t hurt his credibility either. If anything, playing the part of the charming ladies’ man only increased his popularity, especially to any of his adoring fans that were women, which most of them were.

After becoming one the biggest celebrities in both Japan and American sports, there weren’t many people who were ignorant of a household name such as his. Every man wanted to be him, and every woman wanted to be with him. 

To the public eye, Ken Sato seemed to have it all. But looks can be deceiving, can’t they? Especially when it comes to a man who’s spent years hiding his true feelings behind a veil of humor and charisma. 

No one could know how much he was struggling to keep it all together, or the depths of the affliction eating away at his heart. He was Ken Sato after all, and Ken Sato wasn’t weak, he was a legend, and legends never died, they prevailed. So, he must too.

No matter how much the reporters hounded him, using every possible tactic they could think of to pry into his personal life, Kenji never gave them more than a shred of minuscule details. Feeding them like rats, giving them only the bare necessities to satisfy their hunger for a short while before they came crawling back, demanding more. 

He never let them know more than he wanted, more than he felt like sharing, and frankly, there was a plethora of details he didn’t feel like sharing. 

His reputation of perfection probably wouldn’t uphold itself that well if the media knew about all the things he was wrestling with. Between being a newfound parent to a kaiju infant by day and a masked vigilante known as Ultraman by night, Ken didn’t exactly fit the cookie cutter version of “having it all together.” 

And if that wasn’t enough, then the shame he harbored towards a decision he made almost five years ago would definitely topple the pedestal he comfortably built his identity on. 

The press loved gossip, and they’d fight tooth and nail for even the smallest scintilla of drama. Twisting innocent words and blowing frivolous details out of proportions was the job of reporters. So, imagine the headlines they’d make if those reporters found out any real insiders on the life of the world-famous baseball player. 

Imagine the sales they’d make if a journalist ever got ahold of the information about his past, the same past he’s been hiding away from during his time back in Japan.  

He’s thought about calling, maybe writing a letter to express some form of condolences, but what if word got out? What if the press found out about the woman he used to be married to, the same one he abandoned five years ago in order to pursue his baseball career. 

Forget his most recent batting record, a scandalous story such as that would make headlines from both sides of the Pacific Ocean, and then there really would be nowhere else for him to hide from his past, lest he fancied moving somewhere more remote and secluded. 

If that day came, if Ken Sato was exposed for the decisions he made before becoming famous, then his reputation might take some irreparable damage. 

That’s why he was so closed off towards reporters, towards his teammates, towards everyone. 

Never let anyone close to you and they can never betray you. That’s how Ken Sato lives. 

At least, how he did live, before a little reptilian creature crawled into his life, forcing him to realize there were things that mattered more than wealth and fame.

Before taking care of a kaiju infant became the priority in his life, Ken Sato had rooted his worth in the success of his career. So once that career took off, offering him all the success and affluence he could ever want, he began to realize just how little he really had. 

Despite the riches, the popularity, all of it felt meaningless with no one to share it with. He could’ve held a party with hundreds of guests, surrounding himself with countless people all desperate to please him. Nevertheless, none of it would fill the emptiness engulfing his heart; knowing that no one he interacted with would ever see him as more than a means to financial gain and an increase in social status. 

He had a world full of convenience and opportunities at his fingertips, and yet, he never felt more detached from reality. 

His family was complicated, his friends were more like business partners who benefitted from their relations to him, and the one person he had ever felt truly comfortable around probably hated him now, after being dismissed in favor of baseball. 

In the end, even in a room full of dedicated fans, Ken Sato felt alone. 

However, then that little kaiju infant came along, and everything started to get better. Caring for a child, though tiring at first, gave Kenji something to work towards; a purpose that mattered more than advertising for energy drinks or scoring another record breaking hit at home plate. 

Emi finally gave him the one thing he always wanted, the same thing he always pretended not to need: family. 

After that, baseball didn’t seem to matter as much as it used to, unless he was teaching it to Emi. And all the wealth he had acquired over the years didn’t hold the same value as before, unless he was spending it on his adopted daughter. His lifestyle remained the same, but his heart was in a different place, a more peaceful one. 

Winning championships were more rewarding when he had someone to win for, someone to celebrate with afterwards. And now that he’d repaired the relationship between him and his father, things were looking promising for his future. 

But there was still one more roadblock, one last regret preventing him from moving forward completely. 

You. The woman he’d been married to for a whole year, and, regretfully, the same woman who asked for a divorce due to his neglectful and inconsiderate disregard for her. 

He was young and immature back then, foolishly believing the pursuit of his baseball career was more important than maintaining a healthy marriage. He was arrogant, thinking that extravagant gifts and vacations would keep you happy and secure his role as a provider. 

But he was ignorant to think that being married to you meant he no longer had to earn your affection. All the money and gifts in the world couldn’t make up for the fact that he was never home, and that you were never his priority back then. 

Every morning he’d wake up early, well before you, just to attend practice. And every night he’d come home late, just after dinner, claiming he had needed to stay longer than normal to practice more. 

You’d set out a plate for him, but after his baseball career started taking off, he didn’t really have the time for things such as family dinners or game nights; or so he said. 

He’d usually come home and skip dinner, taking a shower or going to sleep instead. You didn’t necessarily blame him for that, it was only natural for him to be tired from practice. But as the days of barely seeing him turned into months, and he started traveling consistently for his games, you started to feel more like a stranger to him than his wife. He was your husband on paper, but, in the confines of your home, you barely knew how to keep a conversation with him anymore. If you were being honest, you didn’t even really know him that well anymore. 

At least, not as much as you used to. Things were different when you first got married, he wasn’t always so arrogant and inconsiderate. Instead, he was passionate and playful, always knowing how to make you laugh after crying. Even on your first date, he was romantic and charming, making you blush to yourself every time a compliment slipped past his lips. 

But I guess the honeymoon phase people always warn you about before marriage was real; at least, it was for you and Kenji. 

Once his baseball career started taking off, the fame must’ve gotten to his head, and he forgot about the one woman who had been supporting him from the sidelines all along. You had gone to every game, recorded all his winning homeruns, supported his career even though it meant holding off on pursuing yours. And yet, he repaid you with neglect, with a one-sided marriage.

You held on for a while, convinced that he would come around, that his behavior would change and he would reflect on his actions. But after the one-year anniversary of your marriage arrived and he wasn’t even in town to celebrate with you, that’s when you made your decision. You were done being a second choice. 

You got in contact with a lawyer, gathered divorce papers and waited with bated breath till he got home from his trip. And the moment he walked in the door, you practically shoved the papers in his face, all the emotions you’d kept bottled up for so long suddenly coming out in a volcanic eruption of shouting and sobbing. 

And surprisingly enough, he stayed quiet through the majority of it, just watching with a hollow stare as you unleashed all the frustration you’d been harboring towards him. And without a word, he took the papers from you and fished out a pen from his desk drawer, signing them in silence. 

Maybe he had realized from your onslaught of emotions that you were better off without him, that he was clearly causing you pain, and you’d be happier once he set you free of him. Or maybe he really was just that heartless and figured now was the perfect opportunity to get rid of you. Either way, your stomach seemed to twist into a knot at the way he so casually signed those divorce papers and handed them back to you. 

This was what you had wanted, wasn’t it? You’re the one who had gathered the papers in the first place, you should’ve been happy that he was finally ending it, finally setting you free. And yet, you felt yourself holding back tears at his lack of emotion. He didn’t try to argue, he didn’t plead with you to give him another chance like you had expected him too. He just admitted defeat, giving up on trying to fix your marriage and taking off for Japan two days later. 

He left, leaving you back in America while he returned to his home country to continue baseball there; abandoning his American team in the middle of their journey to the championships. 

He had given you an opportunity to move on, to become the person he always prevented you from being, and so you took it.

You cut all forms of communication, threw out everything of his that he didn’t take when he left, and moved into your own apartment. It was a fresh start, a clean slate, and you finally had the chance to chase after your dream career, just like he had been doing.  

So, you did, and you didn’t give up. You refused to, you owed this to yourself, and you weren’t going to waste any more time pouring effort into someone who didn’t appreciate it. 

So, you worked, tirelessly, anxiously, until the day came when your newest novel finally become a bestseller all around the nation, and you were officially titled a successful author. 

Now it was your turn, to stand in front of a crowd of adoring fans, to sign autographs and attend fan events. It almost reminded you of your ex-husband, how people used to scream his name and cheer for his success. But now they were cheering for you, supporting you like he hadn’t. You almost laughed at the irony of it all. Five years ago, you would’ve never imagined the life you’d made for yourself now, celebrating your fourth bestselling novel in a row and becoming a well-known author like you always dreamed of. 

And yet, looking back, none of this would’ve been possible had you not been set free from the restraints your marriage to Ken Sato had bound you to. Without him and the neglect he subjected you to, you wouldn’t have worked as hard as you did. So really, in a way, you had him to thank for how far you’ve come and all the success you’ve accomplished. Because if he never signed those papers five years ago, you would still be tied down to a one-sided marriage. 

But you weren’t, and thank God for that.

Now you had moved on, and so had he. 

Or so you thought. 

Little did you know, Ken Sato was on a mission, and not as Ultraman this time. After undergoing the change and maturity necessary to become a parent to a kaiju infant, Kenji realized he needed to make things right between the two of you. Even if it had been five years since he last saw you. 

He wasn’t looking to ask you to take him back and rekindle your marriage, though he wouldn’t have minded if that ended up happening. Instead, he simply wanted to apologize for his actions, for being such a crappy husband back then. He had reflected a lot on the subject of your marriage over the past couple years, but, he never reached out in fear of your reaction to seeing him again. 

Although, after avoiding it for long enough, and getting a lecture about taking responsibility from his dad, he finally decided to go through with it and booked a flight back to America. 

He was nervous to say the least, but he knew he couldn’t back out. Even if you screamed and yelled at him, he had to take accountability for his past actions and apologize for the pain he’d caused you, for pushing you to the back burner while he allowed baseball to take priority in his life. 

He’d made peace with himself and his father already, thanks to the help of his adoptive daughter. So now it was time to make peace with you. And as he watched the plane lift off the ground from his window seat, he held his breath, wondering how you would react to seeing him again after so many years. 

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[aajjks]

The Conqueror (XXI)

Synopsis: He had conquered everything, anything but your heart.

Pairings: Yandere!King Jungkook x Commoner!servant Reader.

warnings. yándèrè thèmès, därk trïggèrïng thèmès, jüngkôôk ïs crâzy, öbsëssïön, mêntïöns öf kïllïng, yn ïs gèttïng ströngèr, a BÏG STÖRM ÏS CÖMÏNG.

series masterlist.

note. plz hi, forgive me for the delay xx send asks for tc characters, send feedback n ENJOY! Please share your thoughts about this chapter because I’m excited. Also, I’m removing the people from the tag list who are not taggable anymore. So if you want to be tagged, just reply to this post.

taglist: @mageprincess7 @starsggukk @koremis @minshookie29 @sana-b @oonaaurora @jeonsweetpea @sugaslittlekookies @outro-kook @kthyg @lunaashes @debicaptain-saturn @laurynne5 @captainsjoongs @myblackconfessions @namjooncrabs @natalie-rdr @angelicasdre @mermaidtea @foulnightharmony @ungodlyjoon @quechulitaaa @telepathytae @j3alous-ang3l @bunzom @1-in-abillion @breadgeniedope @jiminie-08 @artgukk @lovesthetword @bunijmin @pinkcherrybombs @afangirllikeme-blog @twilight-love-nochu-main @wedarkacademia @hollxe1 @bighitfics @darkuni63 @golden-thv @investedreader @sweetempathprunetree @koocreampie

You couldn’t sleep last night. But it’s not like you have been able to sleep peacefully without nightmares haunting you or the thought of Jungkook- the monster taking over your mind every time you try to sleep.

But this time it wasn’t just his thoughts, but rather his words- what was he talking about when he said that he was going to tell you the truth about your father, and you’d start to would hate him?

You have nothing to do here, all you have to do is sit around, and… dread the thought of him coming back to you. This chamber is so large but all you feel is suffocated.

The golden chandeliers, the silk bed sheet and the sherbet right next to your bed, it all feels too much- you’re in a golden cage.

And you cannot escape.

Yeah, all you can do is sit around, but you’re not willing to do that anymore. If you cannot escape, you just might as well try to walk around this palace, so maybe you’ll feel a sense of control over your own life.

You decide to get up from your bed you take a few steps you look at yourself in the mirror that’s standing, right in front of you, you look so different in these royal clothes, but.. you don’t feel good about yourself.

What did he even see in you? Sure you’re attractive, but there are a lot of more attractive women than you, especially his consorts.

You are nothing when it comes to them- they are the most gorgeous women in Goryeo.

You would feel insecure, but you don’t care- you want him to leave you so you can escape and leave your life freely but in the few days you have realized one thing: that’s just not possible anymore.

This king will never leave you.

You sigh, crying anymore will do you no good, last night, you even came to a conclusion that you have to face your destiny now.

And fearlessly.

As you open your chamber’s door and walk outside you hear commotion. The guards guarding your chamber immediately hear your footsteps, and they bow their head to you and respect.

You visibly cringe.

You lower your head in embarrassment and just make your way through the golden wing. You keep walking the noises become clearer.

“The Kings wedding is in a week. Can you believe this? I thought he would never marry- at least not someone like her.” a court lady is talking to her fellow and you cannot help but listen..

What wedding? And in Less than a week?

Your heartbeat rises because you know they’re talking about you, especially when they mention someone like her with a scoff, and the hint of jealousy, and disgust in their voices, of course you can see their faces.

“yes I cannot believe that it’s not one of the consorts-especially considering their background.. I don’t know what the king is doing, but it’s a foolish move.”

You Cannot help but feel a little insulted at their remarks, you clear your throat and as soon as the maids notice you, you can feel the color from their face drain. All staff stand in alert as you make your presence known.

But you’re not even a queen yet, so why are they behaving like this?

“M-My lady- I’m so sorry… what are you doing here? Do you need anything?” One of them stutters out while the other one is avoiding eye contact with you.

you want to roll your eyes because you’re done with everyone walking all over you like you won’t do anything and now you’ve decided that you’ll fight back against everyone that will disrespect you.

Including Jungkook.

It’s not your fault that he chose you. “what were you guys talking about? What wedding?” The real question is what the fuck they’re talking about.

They gasp, and one of them finally gathers the courage to look into your eyes.

“Y-Your wedding with the- Baby, they’re talking about our wedding.”

Goosebumps.

You tilt your head to look behind you, and you see him standing. With a smirk on his face, but he looks visibly livid. You’re not surprised because he always looks so crazy.

But what the fuck is he doing here? He must be walking here to bother you once again, but this time you’re here.

“Y-Your Majesty!!” The whole staff present cower. Soon you see them all bow again, but this time all of their heads hang low.

Jungkook is right here- speak of the devil, and he shall appear-or more likely? think of the devil, and he shall appear.

Delusional. He’s delusional if he thinks that you’re going to marry him.

“what wedding?” At this point you sound like a broken record, but he doesn’t mind that, instead, he chooses to focus his attention on the two court ladies that you were talking to just now.

“what were you saying about yn just now? I would like to hear it from your own mouth or I cut off your tongue right here.”

Your eyes widen when he threatens to cut off their tongue with a huge smile on his face. He heard the whole conversation like you.

They both start to shake, you can even smell their fear from here, what the fuck is he doing? All he does is traumatize people. “W-What- no- DO NOT INTERRUPT ME YN.” His voice booms as he cuts you off.

You can hear a few whimpers, people are scared.

You want to roll your eyes but it won’t really bring a difference and he always does what he wants

Jungkook is still glaring at the two, “COME ON NOW, SPEAK UP!” he commands, and his author voice, you go silent, because how could he scream at you like this?

He cannot be serious about cutting their tongue.

He’s got his hands folded behind his back and he’s standing tall, all intimidating. His dark curly hair makes him more intimidating. His figure is definitely huge.

He’s quite literally a beast.

“Y-Your majesty pl-please forgive us. It was an honest mistake.. we are so sorry please- please forgive us!” You watch them as they fall to their knees and bow to Jungkook- their shaking bodies make you pity them.

No one should ever have to beg for their life like this. no matter what they have done and even though they have insulted, you definitely felt stringed but you still don’t want them to die.

The fear in their voice will haunt you forever- they are about to die because of you. You have to stop this.

So you decide to swallow your pride, before he can say anything or take out his sword, you can see his hand reaching for it.

Come yn speak up!

“J-Jungkook.” You call out his name, oh, your heart is going to burst for sure, all of this is so overwhelming and intense but you have to keep your composure if you want to save their life.

You’ve never called him by his name.

And he knows that because the way he looks at you immediately has you a little creeped out, he looks starstruck, “J-Jungkook please don’t punish them..”

Your tongue feels bitter as you say his name. “please.” You say once again. It’s so hard for you beg to him but if you have to save someone’s life, you will do it.

“J-Jungkook.”

Did you just call out his name? Oh, he must be hallucinating. Because you would never call out his name like that so softly. You haven’t even said his name.

And even if you have, he doesn’t remember.

“J-Jungkook please don’t punish them..”

It’s like you can hear his thoughts because you decide to call out his name once again, and all of his anger melts down, he looks at you in surprise.

Fuck.

He feels his knees, go weak as you call out his name- he’s been dying to hear you say it. His hand from his sword attached to his pants loosens.

You’re so kind- they and they deserve to die but here you are begging for their life, even though he doesn’t agree with you, but since you asked so nicely, who is he to deny you?

“Oh baby…” he coos, walking towards you, He cannot focus on anyone right now because you just called out his name so kindly for the first time.

He wants to hear you say it again

He can move the mountains for you. “Yn- YOUR MAJESTY I’M SO SORRY FOR INTERRUPTING YOU LIKE THIS, BUT THERE’S SOMETHING YOU SHOULD KNOW.”

Oh he’s really going to kill someone now, jungkook scoffs as he halts his steps. “what the fuck is wrong with you? How dare you interrupt me?”

Jungkook looks at the guard instead now, glaring him and if looks could kill he’d be six feet under now. “BARK!” He screams.

“T-There’s an intruder in the Palace! H-He’s asking for the Chief Consort… He is calling her name out like a crazy man.”

What the fuck, he feels his eye twitch and Jungkooks jaw clenches with anger, All of the people are confused and you gasp.

Someone is definitely going to die tonight, Jungkooks sure because he knows for a fact that he is here for you, even though he has no idea about this man.

Without uttering a word, Jungkook storms off.

This man has just come to his own death.

[bestjaydee]

I don’t understand either. I remember early on someone saying, “He’s so pretty I’d forgive him anything”, and while she may have been joking I do think there’s some truth to it for some. Let’s face it, pretty privilege has many facets, and sometimes it assigns traits to someone that aren’t there. Whereas once I begin seeing cracks in character, that changes the color of my lens. It’s not about perfection, but character. And fairly early on in his breakout there were little things that contradicted what we were being sold that caused me to start questioning. I’ve been baffled by the psychology behind his fans (or any blindly devoted fan of anything) for many years. I also think you’re being very generous with S3 😅. That’s another thing I don’t understand—when his castmates are able to deliver, you can’t then place all blame on the director or anyone else when he doesn’t. I’ve seen a million excuses for his performances, none of which place any responsibility on him.

I've written about pretty privilege on my blog before. I had read an article that called it the Halo effect. It basically means that if there’s one good trait in a person, you then associate a bunch of other good traits with that first good trait. And usually the first good trait we’re talking about is physical beauty. This explains why people tend to assume that conventionally beautiful people are also smart, funny, or talented. 

Add to that, the JAMMF effect and you have women acting like they do around Sam, spending insane amounts of money on him and defending his every move, even questionable ones, such as paying for an escort. They also think terrible movies are good, just because he's in them, juvenile behaviours become cute, while entitled behaviours, commendable.

Furthermore, these mommies talk about his curls, his arms, the veins in his arms, his knees like he's a piece of meat. And they don't get how cringe they sound.

[eyestrain-addict]

I just realized why lestat marked Tom, like the big stupid idiot I am

(I know everyone else probably already figured this out, but this is MY blog and I get to post whatever deranged thought crosses my pea brained mind.)

When I watched that scene in episode 5 where they're at the bar talking to Tom, I was confused as to why exactly. Why does Lestat mark Tom? If he's marked to kill, why does he wait almost 2 decades later? Well I realized, as all realizations come, in the shower.

Lestat has been planning on killing Tom the whole time.

(Warning before you click read more, this post is a lot longer than I first intended holy fuck)

Well not the whole time. Just right when Louis realized that Anderson and Fenwick had screwed him over. Maybe even longer if he knew it was a trick ("ridiculous of you to mix human and vampire business it always ends poorly"). Notice how he's upset with louis when he kills the guy who's microaggressive with him, cus lestat wasn't there (even if he was there I have my doubts Lestat would understand microaggressions, but he would have definitely killed him for touching Louis.) But tells Louis he's proud of him for killing Alderman. I think this has to be because he witnessed the disrespect first hand. He didn't give a fuck about the money, what he DID care about was that those two disrespected not only him, but Louis.

Even with Lestats little understanding of race relations of the time in America, he did understand hierarchys. He's from 1700s France for God's sake. It's no coincidence wanted to be king of mardi gras. Lestat came to New Orleans and saw himself as the king, even if no one knew it. And he wanted Louis to be his queen. Honestly I could make an entire other post about how Lestat almost literally saw himself as if he was a King and Louis his beloved Queen, which is why he thought it was okay for him to sleep with other women (mistresses and playthings of the king should mean nothing compared to the queen in lestats eyes) but that's getting off topic. I only bring that up because I'm trying to paint a picture of how I think Lestat sees disrespect done to Louis. To him that goes beyond disrespect or rudeness, it's irreverence.

You begin to notice if you watch scenes with them together. Because while I wouldn't say lestat is good at controlling his anger, he's definitely great at concealing it until it erupts (props to Sam Reid have to be given here) lestat is always on the verge of fury when talking to Tom. It starts as a distaste then as he begins to fall more in love with Louis and become more protective of him, his anger builds. Claudia was wrong about one thing, it was no petty slight that was the reason Lestat killed Tom first, it was a loooonng time coming.

I could list every detail I think supports this but I'm sure you get the gist by now. My main point is really the layer of complexity this adds to not only the story, the characters, but also lestat and louis' relationship. Consider it for a second, Lestat saw all his violence as justified, everything he did one can see it through the lense of him punishing the disrespectful (take a shot every time I say disrespect in this post jesus christ). "I bring death to those deserving" indeed. Lestat has a god complex out the wazoo, and every attack, torture, and death he caused was righteous to him and thus enjoyable. Louis on the other hand didn't see himself so highly. He may seem confident but if you look through the cracks it's apparent Louis's self worth in near nonexistent and he's horribly insecure. I think lestat thought when Louis was made a vampire he would see himself as Lestat saw himself, and as Lestat saw Louis. But again, another post for another time.

Despite Louis' insecurities (or perhaps because of them) louis revels in the violence lestat commits for his sake. That's probably why louis is so quick to forgive lestat about the priests. For a brief moment Lestat truly said the truth to Louis and Louis could forgive him because of it. As lestat says, he doesn't kill the priests to intimidate Louis, nor does he do it just because he enjoys it. He does it because he sees them as humiliating Louis, charlatans that don't deserve Louis' sorrow. Louis didn't want the priest's to die, but he could understand why lestat killed them, simply because for once in his goddamn life lestat told the truth, and louis loved that truth. That truth being that lestat killed and mutilated and committed such horrors not just because he liked it, but because he did it out of a fucked up sense of protection. Him killing the priests was essentially a knight killing a dragon to earn the princess' hand in marriage.

The worst part is that Lestat doesn't even realize it. Not fully anyway. Let's be honest with ourselves, lestat doesn't understand Louis. Obviously there's the race, background, culture differences that lestat doesn't understand nor seems inclined to try, but there are better posts about that made by smarter people than moi. I'm mostly talking about lestat doesn't understand louis' mind itself (louis' mind in a vacuum I suppose you could say) he understands Louis' desire for violence sure, but he doesn't understand the core of that want. Honestly I'm on the fence of if he ever understood that Louis loved it when lestat was protective in the first place. I guess it can be dumbed down to Louis wants Lestat to kill to protect Louis and to protect the family (and anyone who deeply disrepects them), lestat perhaps understood a little at one point, but since he sees everyone as a threat and everything is a slight to him, he has no trouble and qualms with delighting in the torture of people Louis views as innocent. Louis' heart is a bit dark, but ultimately human, so he's disgusted by lestats violence towards the undeserving. Lestat can no longer read Louis' mind and even if he could, Louis doesn't quite understand the difference himself (that's why he tries to hunt for criminals briefly) so the cracks of miscommunication starts to form, and neither of them even realize there is miscommunication.

Therein lies the importance of Tom Anderson for season 1. Not much of a character, more of a plot device in human skin. Claudia can see that Lestat hates him, but doesn't understand why, nor does she care to get to the depths of that. (*Mr house voice* understandable) I think it's notable that Louis rarely brought him up, he didn't understand the depths of lestats love. Nor did he know about Lestats 3 decade long grudge, all because Tom disrespected Louis.

Now I'm not excusing Lestat's actions, I just think it's interesting how this one throwaway character reveals a whole level of complexity to the relationship between him and Louis, and better sheds light on not only Lestats personal philosophy but louis' as well. Even Claudia to a degree.

Anyway, uh. End of essay. Bye.

[butchhazard]

my trans to radfem story. started off as a response to another post i saw but i kind of just kept rambling and now it’s its own thing lol. i was always a bit nervous to share my personal experience out of fear of being judged but i think a lot of people will be able to relate to my perspective. or keep sending me hate if you want it’s all the same to me atp 👯

in the same vein of always seeking out arguments against my own views i frequently look at trans blogs and the amount of projection they do about “TERFs” is astounding. especially claiming that radical feminists have no sense of “kinship” with other women and that we think being a woman is all about suffering and hating yourself. they literally only believe this last part because we’re the only group of people who are honest about misogyny. the “kinship” thing is especially crazy because i WAS trans for *8 years* and during that time almost every single one of my friends was trans as well. i had zero solidarity or kinship with other women and believed them to be completely unrelatable because i was “different”.

the one time i felt brave enough to confide in my closest friend of 10+ years (who later dumped me like trash for becoming a feminist) that i was uncomfortable with penises and only wanted to be with “people with vaginas” she looked at me like i was crazy and told me, “that’s weird. I don’t feel that way. You probably shouldn’t say that.”

eventually i did cave into the pressure of being “inclusive” and put myself in many dangerous situations where men were able to take advantage of me and abuse me. at one point i truly believed i had more in common with TIMs than with “queer cis women” and had come to the conclusion that cis women were dangerous. did this MRA rhetoric serve to strengthen my female friendships like TRAs are somehow claiming it did or did it just make me the perfect victim??? (being male-identified in this way made me a horrible friend not only to other women but to myself as well.)

meanwhile i peaked as a radfem towards the end of 2021, when i was 22. i was staying at a women’s college w/ my ex. for 2 weeks we both felt completely insane and like we had just stepped into another reality. suddenly our lives became so much clearer. we were sobbing constantly just reflecting how misogyny and male violence had affected not only our lives, but the lives of our mothers, sisters, and friends. i was horrified to speak to any of my trans friends about feminism because of the “TERFs are nazis” shit we had been conditioned into believing, but i literally believed that i owed them the truth as a friend who cared and was concerned for their safety. i also naively believed that since *i* realized the TERF propaganda was a complete lie and that radical feminism was not only empowering but life-giving, they would feel the same. nope! they called my ideas brilliant and “galaxy brained” to my face and then turned around and told everyone else i was now dangerous. everyone cut me off from their life as punishment for daring to think differently. i was completely devastated. the friendships that i held so close to my heart for years and years meant nothing to them. this hurt especially because i was starting to realize just how easily they would forgive their male friends for worse, including things like disrespecting them in public or physically assaulting a woman. these were lesser crimes than being a female-identified woman.

meanwhile, around the same time, rumors of our cancelation had been going around the college and another feminist actually reached out to us. she called us her sisters and introduced us to other likeminded women who were so intelligent, supportive, gnc but proudly female. we were all the same yet so different, and different viewpoints were encouraged instead of suppressed. i was learning more about the world and my place in it every single day. for the first time in my life, i felt purpose. every since i was a little girl i had this foreboding sense that other people knew something i didn’t and that i was always “missing a piece of the puzzle”. that feeling disappeared after i became a radical feminist. 

since then, almost every feminist woman I’ve met has been such an inspiration to me, regardless of whether i like her or not. it’s actually funny that TRAs claim we have no sense of “kinship” as if women’s lands and festivals aren’t the ultimate expression of friendship and solidarity lol. i’m constantly floored especially by how kind and generous older women are to me, and how easily women my age accept me if i just allow them to. i love being a woman, i love other women, and i know that other women love me.

women in general do have a solidarity/kinship problem but this is simply not true of lesbian feminists and other radical feminists as a community. other women are our strength and lifeblood. after my ex and i broke up (it was messy girl) i wanted so badly to hate her but i literally couldn’t because i still loved her as a woman even if i didn’t love her as a partner anymore. to this day i would probably struggle to come up with a woman i actually “hate” bc it’s just not in my nature any more. my anons literally can’t relate lol 

yes radfems as a group aren’t perfect and we are generally “angry” but so are TRAs. the main difference is we direct our anger outwards rather than inwards. when i was 23 i submitted a letter to Lesbian Connection that included this paragraph that still sums up my views of being a TIF vs radfem completely:

“Realizing that my femaleness was the only thing that determined my gender– that I was born a woman and would die a woman despite not conforming to made up standards created by and for men, liberated me from the chains of believing I had been “born in the wrong body” and needed plastic surgery to fix myself. I was never born wrong and the fault never lay with me– it lay with the patriarchal society we all live in which forces females and males into incredibly limiting boxes.”

[sapphsorrows]

sometimes people ask me how I become a terf, and the story is actually quite interesting

see i was on my way home from work one day and i saw a gaggle of terfs with baseball bats chasing an innocent transwoman. i said "stop you terfs! she just wants to pee! don't you know transwomen literally died on the cross and rose three days later to forgive us of our sins and give us the right to vote?" then one of them knocked me out with a wack to the head and the next thing i knew i was on terf island aka the UK where I was being interrogated by jk rowling and her evil co-conspirator kelly jay keen.

I tried to reason with them by explaining the plot of steven universe and singing the song about how you can make a difference, you can make a change, but they just wouldn't listen! then jk rowling made me watch all the harry potter movies clockwork-orange style so i could absorb all of the hateful secret terf messages in the movies. it was then that i became a sleeper agent for the secrety terf army.

after that, i was helicoptered over the united states where i parachuted into a red state because, as we all know, conservatives are huge fans of women's liberation and have actively been at the forefront of the women's movement. i knew that the terf revolution would only be a few years away, and so i started this blog to sow seeds of discord among anti-feminist movements and prepare america for the great matriarchal takeover of 2035.

this is my story. please share if you have any similar experiences <3

[fully-clothed-denial]

Dear Lady Rebecca,

I found your blog by accident and was fascinated by your concept of fully clothed denial which is highly arousing me. I went to the entire blog and I remained in a highly aroused state. However I must confess that I loved more the pics of ladies dressed in “dominatrix” like stile with thight fitting blouses….. I hope you can forgive my inappropriate behaviour at the beginning of me being member of your group. 

I love to become part of your group and will start from today to delete all pics of not fully clothed mature ladies on my computer.

I have a first question, how shall I introduce your concept to my wife? And would you publish a pic of her on your wonderfull blog? So other men could worship her with aroused thoughts? 

Thanks for sending me your answer 

Respectfully yours Ron

Dear Ron

Thank you very much for your open remarks. There is nothing wrong when you prefer strong women. You are very welcome to send pics of your wife for publication, of course with her consent only.

Lady Rebecca

[nobodysdaydreams]

this is so random, but if you have the time, could you talk about what drew you to christianity (or why stick with it through life)? I've been doing some research into religions to see what i vibe with and I saw one post from you about forgiveness for your enemies but i hold grudges until i die. i could never imagine forgiving some people

Thank you so much for this question, and for wording it so nicely and respectfully! I very much appreciate that and would be happy to answer your question (although Christianity is not the main focus of my blog, and I'm sure there are others who would be better equipped to answer your question, I shall endeavor to do my very best). Sorry in advance for any typos, if something is unclear/doesn’t make sense, please ask!

Really quick in case someone is new here: if you want to follow me and don’t like Christianity, you can block the tag “#christianity” (pin post goes into detail). Thanks!

This isn't really something I can answer quickly and easily, but if I had to point to what drew me to the faith at a young age, and why Christianity/Catholicism has become such a central part of my life today as opposed to a more cultural identity, it's the teachings and life of Jesus and the lives of the saints who modeled their lives after him. The care, compassion, and love Jesus had for everyone around him was beautiful to me, as were the how diverse and uniquely beautiful the lives of the saints were, men and women who lived in different countries, existed different time periods, spoke different languages, were different races/ethnicities, and had different vocations, jobs, disabilities, families, and experiences, all united across history by their common desire to serve God and serve others. Some of them were illiterate. Some were born in poverty, some were born rich. Some of them were devoted to God since they were young, others lived pretty selfish and at times horrifically sinful lives before they decided to turn it around. They weren't perfect people. They're not holy because they never messed up. They're holy because at some point they look at the teachings of Jesus and said to themselves "that's how I'm going to live my life".

You mentioned my post on forgiving your enemies, which for reference, I assume that this is the post in question. This post is based on Christian teaching, and I'm certainly not the only one to post about it. Another one of my favorite posts on the topic is this one: "there are going to be a shocking number of people that you don’t like in heaven, and you will rejoice at their presence when the time comes". These posts are based in the teachings of Jesus, which included things like "Love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you" and loving his enemies even as they were actively killing and torturing him. Now, at first, this sounds weird. Why would you want someone you don't like in heaven? Why would you love someone even when they are such a terrible person?

I started typing out my answer, and it turned into a bit of a rant, but since you're looking into religions, I thought it might be helpful. Sorry it’s insanely long. There’s a part at the end with a larger heading you can skip to if you want.

This is a complicated answer, and I debated about the best way to answer it, but I first wanted to clarify what my views are on humanity before I dive into forgiveness. I think is important, because I have learned that there are two, strangely very different and opposing ideas about the Christian view of humanity that exist in secular culture, neither of which fully or sometimes even partially represent what I believe in as a Christian or what my faith teaches. Please note I'm not specifically calling any one creator out with this as I have seen literally dozens of posts like both of these examples and as there are thousands of denominations of Christianity, I'm not discounting the fact that there may in fact be Christians who teach or believe this. This is merely an explanation of my faith and what I believe so that when I talk about my own views, people understand what I mean.

I came across the first secular view of the Christian view of humanity when I saw a couple posts that at first, I fully thought were written by a Christian, because they were like "Don't you ever just look around at people helping and caring for each other and become mesmerized by the inherent beauty and goodness of humanity? Our capacity to help each other, our willingness to care, our resolve to do better? We are beautiful, these examples that I've listed are beautiful." and I'm like heck yeah op, and immediately thinking of Catholic teaching about us made in the image of God and all that and Jesus' teaching about how whatever good we do for each other we do for God himself and I've seen so many similar posts from my Catholic and Christian mutuals that this post seems to blend right in. But then when I go to reblog it, op has a disclaimer that's like "Xtians need to get the **** off my post! Why do y'all keep coming here? You don't believe that every human is a beautiful and wonderful person, you believe that every human is a terrible sinner and should go to hell forever and you want to make innocent children and people with OCD feel bad and shame people into doing whatever you want and I don't get why every time I make a post like this, y'all keep coming here pretending to believe what I believe. You don't. **** off!"

And look, no hate to any of these OPs. If you do not want me interacting with your blog or your posts, I will not. And not every OP was that aggressive about it, most just respectfully asked Christians not to interact or reblog. But I won't lie, and I'm not trying to be mean. It was kind of funny to read a post that's like "Humans are so beautiful and kind I love us" and then when someone reblogs it like "Thanks OP, I agree!" the immediate response is "No, you don't. Go **** yourself". I'm so sorry, it has the same vibe as this lovely post, and I apologize for my terrible sense of humor, I just find it funny.

So while I obviously don't agree with any of the aforementioned OP's views on Christianity, I wasn't gonna try to debate them on it because I respect people's boundaries and there are a lot of better things I have to do with my time than debating strangers on the internet because when has that ever changed anyone's mind especially when people are emotional or upset? But anyway, I assumed that this was how most of the secular world viewed Christianity's view of humanity until I stumble across some very different kind of posts that were like this:

"As someone who has been abused and bullied my whole life, I get so disheartened by humanity. So many people are honestly so awful and don’t deserve anything. I hate seeing those stupid posts from Xtians about how all humans are made in the image of God and inherently good and deserve redemption and love and compassion, like really? Even murderers? Even abusers? Sorry, but no. They're not inherently good. Most people are genuinely so terrible, most people only think about themselves, and some people don’t deserve forgiveness because they’re objectively horrible and don't deserve a pass for what they did." And versions of these posts that were just lamenting the brokenness of humanity and not targeting the Christian view in general often had added disclaimers about how they did not want Christians (and in some cases, pro-humanity secularists too) on the their post.

I will say that as a Christian, it was really interested to read views that are so strongly against both humanity's goodness and brokenness and how they believe these are represented in a Christian worldview. I've also seen posts that attribute the differences in these views to denominations of Christianity: "The urge to experience the Catholic Guilt that we're all terrible sinners who can never make up for what we've done vs. urge to embrace the Protestant God loves everyone superiority complex and avoidance of all moral responsibilities" and such similar posts, but I don't think those differences between denominations are as strong as people make them out to be. If anyone is not interested reading this full post, the short version is, as I'm sure you've guessed, a more nuanced view of these extremes that explains why Christians love (or should love) our enemies, but exactly why and how Christianity holds this more nuanced view is important to understand.

Interesting, according to polls I've seen, most general tumblr users seem to agree with the idea that humanity is inherently good rather than inherently evil, which as a Christian, I think is a good thing. I believe we are all made in the image of God, I believe that we are loved beyond imagining, and I believe that every person on this Earth deserves love and respect. But of course, that brings us to the approximately 10% of tumblr users (an estimate from the polls I've stumbled across, may or may not be accurate) who are not down with the whole positive view of humanity. I've read some pro-humanity (though secular) responses to these "humanity is bad" posts, which assert that while the people that hurt OP (the person insisting humans are inherently bad and don’t deserve redemption) are bad people, and deserving of condemnation, this doesn't reflect humanity as a whole. To an extent, I agree with that view, but a some point along the line, you start to run into a problem. The problem being the human tendency to make mistakes and do bad things that can seriously hurt people and then we run into the dilemma of determining what is a forgivable mistake and what is a cancellable and unforgiveable transgression. How do you decide who gets sorted into the majority "good" humanity group and the minority "bad" humanity group? Okay, there are probably some things most of us agree on, we probably agree murder is very very bad and a serious crime, and we probably agree everyone makes mistakes sometimes and other situations are more nuanced, so some things are forgivable and understandable, but how do you decide where the line is for what is forgivable and what isn't when most people out there probably disagree with you on at least one thing?

At this point you might be thinking, "Well Bods, if you don't believe that humanity is inherently awful or that humans are perfect or good all the time, then what exactly do you believe? Isn't Christianity about recognizing your own horribleness and hating yourself unless you love God? If not, then what is it?" Again, the short answer is a more nuanced view, but since you wanted to know more about my stand on forgiveness and I get a lot of compliments on my fics about how I portray redemption and character flaws, and characters' journeys towards redemption, and all of that comes directly from my Christian beliefs, I thought I'd do more of a deep dive.

The first point I'd like to make is in regards to the idea that "Catholic Guilt" (and I'll get more into what I mean by that later), or the idea that humility, self-insight, and recognizing our own flaws is inherently a bad thing. It's not, in fact, it's necessary for us to make positive change and to grow, and it can be toxic for us and for others when we aren't willing to recognize or at least be open to our own shortcomings. And the idea that guilt and recognizing our own failings can be a good thing is not an exclusively Catholic or even exclusively Christian idea. We all have seen those TikToks that are like "POV the worst person you know just got back from therapy and concluded that everyone else is the problem and they are the one being gaslighted and they are a victim who deserves better🤦🏻‍♀️" and to some extent, I think we all know someone like this (or maybe even have been someone like this). And it’s so frustrating sometimes, because you just want to grab them (or your past self) by the shoulders and be like "No! It's not other people! Not all the time! YOU are the problem sometimes! YOU are the reason your life is falling apart! And aren't you tired? Aren't you tired of being miserable, aren't you tired of losing friends, aren't you tired of being such a hateful person all the time? Don't you want to get better? Don't you want to be happy? Why are you resisting your chance to get better? Why would you ever run from that?" and when it comes to the posts about the concept of "Catholic guilt" or "Christian guilt" or even "guilt" in general being an inherently bad thing, it's hard for me to agree that its an entirely toxic concept, because there are so many times when you see remorseless criminals or even just bullies who don't care about the people they insult or when it comes to the fic I write, horrible fictional characters you wish were real just so you can scream in their face "No! You SHOULD feel bad about this. You hurt someone, you shouldn't feel remorseless, its weird that you don't on some level feel upset, because you should! You should care about other people. You should care! You should feel bad!" And it's clear why we want these people (and characters in regards to writing) to feel bad. Because guilt and recognition of error is often the first step to grace, the first step towards being a better person than you were before. You want them to feel bad because you want to save them and you want the evil they are doing to stop. Guilt is the first step to achieving both those things. If you aren't able to have the humility and self-insight to recognize your capacity to hurt others, act selfishly, and do bad things sometimes, then you don't have any hope of getting better. And that's only going to led to more hurt and more pain, for you and for others.

Before I continue with this point, I'm sure there are secularists reading this who are like "well, I would agree with you, but that's not what I think or mean when I say "Catholic Guilt" at all!" so I did want to first mention something I see a lot of posts in reference to "Catholic guilt" talking about OCD and other mental health issues and how the concept of guilt, especially religious guilt, can be damaging to those with mental health issues. As someone who has struggled with a lot of mental health issues and has personally known many devout and practicing Catholics with diagnosed OCD (and has mutuals with OCD, hi guys), when I say "guilt is a gift from God" and "guilt is a good thing", I want to make this point VERY clear: Guilt is a gift not because it drives you to despair, desperation, self-hatred, and self-harm/self-destruction, but because it drives you to joy, love, repentance, and being a better person. Guilt should be the first step towards grace, and that includes recognizing your great potential for goodness, for love, and for replacing all of the bad stuff you used to do with good things instead. It might start out as a painful experience, but ultimately, should fill you with joy and gratitude that you were able to recognize where you went wrong so that you can go on to live a better life. Anything that encourages self-hate and self-harm is not a gift from God or anyone else. That's not what "Catholic Guilt" is or should be. The scripture is clear that despairing in our own weakness or flaws is not the answer. The Church is clear that despairing in our own weakness or flaws is not the answer. I could honestly make a whole separate post on religion and mental health issues, because there are so many times when I will hear people (therapists unfortunately) look at cases like this and say "oh the whole problem here is this person's terrible religion and culture. If they would only leave it and recognize how objectively bad it is, then they wouldn't be so miserable and everything would be all better" like...no. The problem is that they have a obvious and serious mental health issue that you should be diagnosing and treating rather than advising them to get rid of their only support systems, and this is a huge part of the reason why people often like to go to therapists from their own religion and culture, because they are able to recognize what is actually considered "normal" and what isn't. There are so many other examples and I could do a separate post on this topic alone, but I think you get the point.

But then of course, even after establishing a proper definition of guilt and its utility, we come to the other extreme of "okay, if Christianity really does believe in the inherent God created goodness of everyone despite the fact that we as humans often mess up a lot, then how do you explain the fact that a lot of horrible people do a lot of really bad things, sometimes in the name of Christianity? And then this supposedly loving God just expects us to forgive them like they didn't do anything wrong?" And this is where the whole nuance of the "Catholic Guilt" thing comes in. Because while I still get weird looks from people when I say that guilt is a gift from God, I still stand by that belief because the whole point of feeling guilty about something is that it motivates you to change your behavior and be a better person. That is a good thing. Because if all these horrible people truly felt bad about what they did, and truly repented, you would see clear and obvious changes in their behavior. The Bible (and Church) are clear that Christian forgiveness is not, nor has ever been, a "get-out-of-jail" free card (though sadly many people, even devoutly religious people, treat it that way and that's something that I and many priests, nuns, and devoutly religious Christians I know are greatly ashamed of). Christian forgiveness and repentance, at its core, it's a call to conversation and a call to make amends, often more amends than society says you "need to" and my Christian followers will know that biblical examples of this clearly illustrate exactly what that means and what it looks like (I can give you some in detail if you want, but this rant is already kinda long). If abusers, murderers, the worst of the worst etc. were really sorry and remorseful about what they did and the harm their behaviors caused, they would spend the rest of their lives working to make up for it, no matter what the sacrifice. In some cases, they might even go to court and beg a judge to put them in jail for life just to ensure that they never hurt anyone else again, no matter how much money, power, or influence they have that could get them out of consequences or how much of a "promising athlete" or whatever they were because protecting innocent people is far more important than whatever they had going for them. Repentance might also involve accepting that you're never going to see your family again, because you've hurt them too much and need to respect their decision to establish boundaries to put themselves in a healthy place. It might involve not only paying back the money you stole from someone, but also paying them back with excessive interest because of the financial hardships they had to endure after their loss. That's the level of repentance we're talking about here. In fact, that last one is an example straight from scripture. And it's beautiful to see it.

So whenever someone asks me "Oh as a Christian, you believe EVERYONE can go to heaven? You hope that EVERYONE gets to heaven? Even [X] group of people? Disgusting." my reply is "Well, technically, yes, I do hope for that, but unfortunately, I don't think most people in [X] group are going to heaven and that makes me very sad." The reason being because if most of the people in this group (murderers, abusers, you can fill in the blank) were sorry about what they did, and were actually interested in accepting God's mercy and judgment and all that comes with it, they'd be acting very differently and how much better for us all and for them if they did chose that option. But it's not really surprising to me that they don't, because you need to get pretty far from God, humanity, self-awareness, compassion, and humility to even consider doing most of those things in the first place. So it shouldn't be shocking that those with the greatest need for repentance and mercy have the least desire for it. That doesn't mean it's impossible or never happens. God's grace is strong enough to reach everyone and anyone, and what a beautiful thing it is when it reaches the worst of us and this person who was hurting so many people is not only not doing those bad things anymore, but devoting their lives and themselves to making sure it never happens again and that they are fully held responsible for what they did. Turning something or someone so terrible into a force for good and positive change in the world is one of my favorite parts of my religion and one of the reasons I love so many saints, but sadly, it's so rare to see it.

Unfortunately, I think part of the reason for the rarity is the dichotomy between Christians and secularists alike who believe that Christian forgiveness or non-religious concepts of self-acceptance, self-love, and self-kindness are "get-out-of-jail" free cards and the cancel culture that says that anyone who makes a mistake deserves to be immediately and publicly shamed and held accountable for the harm they've caused with no hope of redemption. It's this weird blend of practicing and preaching kindness and forgiveness towards yourself and to people in general, but not tolerating anything from other people or extending that same grace towards others, and I think this worldview can be just as toxic as having self-shame and self-hatred while tolerating abuse and negativity from others. And Christians are not the only ones who see the problem with this either, secularists on tumblr have spoken a lot about this too, and I've seen a lot of posts about internet culture and how everyone is afraid of posting the wrong thing because "what if you accidently offend someone?" "what if you get cancelled?" and lots of people have made a really good point that if we as a society aren't willing to forgive people for their past mistakes and give people that grace, than how does society have any hope of getting better? And I think they hit the nail on the head with that one, fantastic take. Believing that people can change and be better and each have a unique, invaluable contribution to make to this world is part of my faith. Again, it doesn't diminish the reality of what they've done, the damage they caused, or the serious and real need to make amends, but it does give them hope, a future, and an opportunity to no only stop doing something bad, but start doing something good. I'll also add that part of forgiving others comes with having the self-insight and humility to recognize that sometimes we mess up too, and no one is immune to propaganda, bad days, brainwashing, thoughtless comments, the victim to victimizer pipeline, impulsive decisions, and being wrong, not even you. That doesn't mean you should hate yourself or despair when you mess up, you should be forgiving and kind to yourself, just like you're forgiving and kind to others, but you should also recognize the reality of what happened and work earnestly and sincerely to make amends. It takes practice, and I'm not saying its easy, but I certainly think its worth it. And for my Christian mutuals who are reading this post and saying to themselves, "Wait a minute, Bods. "be forgiving and kind to yourself, just as you're forgiving and kind to others?" that sounds a lot like "Love your neighbor as yourself", part of Christ's greatest commandment?" Yes. Yes it does. Because it is. And it all comes back around to that in the end doesn't it?

And this all brings us to our conclusion and one of my favorite posts on this whole website and something I think about a lot, which is the post about how "there are going to be a shocking number of people that you don’t like in heaven, and you will rejoice at their presence when the time comes". I love that post. It sums it up the Christian concept of heaven so nicely. I know it probably sounds really weird to a secular audience to rejoice at seeing someone in heaven that you don't like, but to a Christian, it’s a wonderful thing. Because it means that whatever was inside them that cause them to hurt others is completely gone now. They are different now, and in extreme cases, quite possibly to the point where you don't even recognize them anymore and it feels like meeting them for the first time. I would say the joy you'd feel at seeing them again in heaven comes from the fact that they aren't hurting people anymore and are a good or better person now, but that doesn't even fully capture the magnitude of what's happening, because the concept of sin and evil in Christianity is different than the concept of sin and evil in some other faiths and secular society. Evil is not considered an equal opposite to good. Good is more powerful in Christianity, and evil is merely a destruction, perversion of, or absence of that good. In the Christian worldview, choosing evil > good doesn't mean you "switched sides/went to the dark side", it means that you rejected goodness and destroyed part of yourself, and in those extreme cases of hatred and callousness I mentioned, maybe even destroyed most of yourself. And now, in heaven, glory be to God, you're back! You didn't just change teams, you came back, we came back. This is who we were always supposed to be, it might not look anything like what we thought it would, it rarely does, and you were probably wrong about some things, I was probably wrong about some things too, maybe a lot of things, but thank goodness we're here now, thank goodness we made it, thank goodness I get the incredible privilege of being able to experience the beautiful and wonderful person that is you. I know to those who aren't Christian and are reading this post out of interest, that sounds like super weird idea of heaven, and I get that. Forgiveness and acceptance of others is not a fun or easy thing to do. Forget spending the rest of eternity with someone who greatly hurt people, I think most of us would be disappointed at the idea of getting to heaven only to discover we'd be sharing and spending our blissful eternity with that classmate we can't stand or our annoying coworker. And they didn't even do anything bad, we just really don't like that guy. But that's what heaven is. That's what salvation is. It's love for everyone eternally. We will see those we don't like on Earth in heaven and rejoice at their presence just as those who didn't like us on Earth will rejoice at our presence. I know that when we picture those we've hurt and those that hurt us, or even those we just don't get along with, it's difficult to understand how this could ever be possible, because we don't experience that in our lives very often, and we as finite beings can't fully conceptualize what an infinity in heaven will look like, at least not in this life, and that's part of what faith is. All we can really do is trust God and that whatever that's going to look like is going to be more wonderful and healing than anything imaginable.

Okay, so now that I've explained more about the Christian worldview (sorry it's so long, I like to ramble unfortunately 😭) your question about grudges:

My explanation of the Christian worldview only explains why we forgive our enemies and want them in heaven and rejoice at them in heaven. But obviously this world isn't heaven, and not all our enemies are exactly eager to accept that they might be the problem or embrace the gospel of love and repentance. At least some of mine aren't, I'm not sure about the rest of you. So what do we do? Why does God want us to let go of grudges and forgive people who aren't interested in repentance? Are we supposed to just tolerate the abuse?

The answer is that loving someone and recognizing your own dignity and right to be safe and healthy are not two mutually exclusive things. I have cut family members out of my life because they were toxic and if I needed to, I'd do it again. This isn't because I hate them. I love them. I want to see them in heaven someday. I want to spend eternity with them in a world where it is healthy and beneficial to be around them. But it's just not healthy for me to have a relationship with them right now. That doesn't mean I'll ever stop loving or praying for them. And I recognize that's a lot easier to say than to put into practice. Healthy boundaries are one thing, but forgiveness is another. And Christian teachings on forgiveness are pretty extreme, and seem strangely paradoxical at first. It holds to the seriousness and gravity of the damage sin does while insisting that nothing and no one is beyond hope. It's righteous anger and lamentation at how much we've used sin and hatred to hurt each other and it's joy and ecstasy at how God's love and mercy trumps all that. In the bible, one of Jesus' disciples asks him how much he should forgive someone if they keep offending him, and asks if he should forgive him 7 times. Jesus' response is not 7 times, but 70 x 7, or for as long as you want the Lord your God to forgive you. That's a tall order. I get that. Even when you establish healthy boundaries, the hurt, the anger, the pain, the injustice, it's all still there.

But the thing about that hurt and anger and bitterness is, for as much as we didn't ask for it, it doesn't do us any good. The quote “Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” has been attributed to so many people, but regardless of who said it first, it makes an important point. Stewing in bitterness and resentment won't hurt the person that hurt us. It only turns us into a bitter and resentful person. I do want to add to this post in case any other curious secularists are reading this that you don't just need to be a Christian to believe that letting go of grudges is good for you. I study psychology, and I understand people, regardless of their faith or lack of faith background don't like the nuance on this topic, so let me break it down. No, your intrusive thoughts related to mental illness, trauma, and disability are not what Jesus was talking about here, those are not sins, but although your intrusive thoughts and emotions might not be your fault, this does not mean that you have zero responsibility or accountability for any thought or emotion you might have. See, the brain is strange and complicated thing. It controls you, and yet, you control it just as much. If you want to be a loving and kind person, the best way to do so is by thinking kind thoughts and doing kind things for others. Even if you don't want to be doing this things or don't like doing it, your brain will eventually start to adjust, assuming that this is what you enjoy and who you are because you keep doing kind things and thinking positively about others. Basically, your brain thinks to itself “well I must enjoy volunteering, I do it all the time” and “I must not hate her that much if I go out of my way to be kind to her anyway”. You might not be able to chose what others do to you, or your immediate thoughts and emotions about it. But you can chose what content you spend your time consuming and what you consciously choose to think about and your brain will adjust accordingly. You can chose to think good things even when its hard. If you are righteously or justifiably angry about what happened to you, you can use that energy to protect others from what happened to you instead of seeking violent revenge on those that wronged you and consciously ruminating on how much you hate them and imagining bad things to happening to them (note again the difference between justice and revenge and the difference between intentionally and joyfully dreaming of vengeance and violence vs. intrusive thoughts you didn't ask for).

Of course, this is all much easier said than done. I won’t pretend that it’s not. But the good news is, we don't have to forgive alone. God knows it's hard for us. He's there every step of the way. Throughout the bible, Jesus talks about how when you sin against someone else, you sin against God (and vis versa, when you do something good for others, you do it for God, etc.). He knows exactly how much it hurt you. That's never lost on him. He also knows how much you've hurt others, but also how much you've done for others. He knows everything about you, and he loves you so much he died and went to hell and back for you (and would do it again if he had to). He also says that the redeemed versions of our enemies are worth fighting for and that he doesn't want to see anyone destroy themselves with bitterness and resentment or hurt themselves anymore than they've already been hurt. That doesn't mean letting our enemies into their lives. It also doesn't mean our enemies will ever choose accept God's mercy, because they might not. And it doesn't have to happen overnight or be easy. Speaking from experience, it rarely happens overnight or is ever easy. It's often a step by step daily commitment to thinking positive thoughts and turning our hurt and anger at someone into love for others. It's what we're called to do as Christians, and it's part of our path to sainthood.

And while it might be a very unpopular opinion, when it comes to my enemies, even the really bad ones, I would be very happy to see them in heaven. Yes, I’d be happy because if we didn't forgive people and allow for that grace, they wouldn't have hope of getting better, and yes, I’d be happy because of the great goodness that comes from them when they chose repentance, but also I’d be happy to see them in heaven because I'm so curious to see what they look like without all the sin. I want to meet the person God died for and would die for again and again if that’s what it took to get you back. I want to see sin that destroys us defeated and I want to see all of you in heaven. I think you guys are really cool.

Anyway, sorry it’s so long, but that’s my answer. I’m not a theologian or anything, but I hope this was satisfactory. Thanks for stopping by!

[the-real-sasuke-uchiha]

Sasuke, I’ve been thinking about this for a few days now. I used to think analyzing people’s reactions to the Uchiha genocide was fascinating. I would say to myself “wow, people treat this like it was some kind of ‘both sides were wrong’ type of thing but I’m sure if it was happening in front of them, they would think differently.” WELL. Now a genocide is happening in front of us and people are REACTING THE SAME WAY. “Oh it’s not a genocide, you are being dramatic.” “They deserved it because they’re all evil.” “Is**** has a right to defend itself against terrorists!” Holy moly… Literally word for word. I feel so naive to have believed in humanity as much as i did.

I feel you, my friend. I never talk about these things because I think it might be upsetting if an anime blog starts talking about real life genocides in between joke posts and memes. I also don't like to parallel fictional and real life crimes for fear that people will find it frivolous and offensive. So please, everyone reading this, know that this is not by any means my intention, and that I am not trying to use real life massacres to justify my take in this fandom or anything, I am just answering a friend here.

I don't know what to say, really, I lost all hope in humanity long ago too. But, it baffles me that I keep seeing people around me repeating the bullshit you describe. And it baffles me mostly because I see this coming too from good people that have nothing to win out of this infamy. Now you are thinking that "good people" would never find excuses to turn a blind eye to a genocide, but I can ensure you they are no monsters, they really aren't. They are not indifferent to human suffering, I saw them committed with other causes, I know they wouldn't hurt a fly, so what is wrong with them?

I am no psychologist so, forgive me if I say something dumb. But I think the thing is, reality is just to damn painful. You just can't accept it like that. A genocide, complete and atrocious extermination of a whole group of people, just because? Just based on hate and lies? Just to steal their land? And you are comfortable at your home, safe just out of sheer luck, because you were born in the right moment in the right place. Two very agonizing realities arise when you become aware of this. The first one is that you, citizen of the so-called "free world", convinced during your whole life that you have the voice and the power in your very democratic country, are practically impotent; unable to do anything or to help anyone, unable to even get your government to officially condemn the genocide, let alone to get them to stop sending weapons to the perpetrator. The second one is that you are only safe until your annihilation can be of purpose to the geopolitical interests of some dominant global power.

So, I believe blaming the victim is a defence mechanism to help us convince ourselves that bad things happen for a reason and that we could never be subjected to such cruelty. Similar to when we blame poor starving people for their bad choices, or when we blame women for being raped because, you know, they were dressed like that, they drank or whatever. We want to believe that we know better, that we are safe because we are clever and not because we are lucky, because that would mean our luck could end one day and we could be susceptible to monstrosities any time. And I guess that is unbearable.

And then, of course, we have the media bringing us those excuses. Thoroughly. Picturing the victims as terrorists for defending themselves and the aggressor as a victim with legit reasons to commit a genocide. It is extremely well-thought and intentional, from the language they use to the things that they decide to tell or not. They know very well how to manipulate people and how to redirect their feelings and empathy to fit the goals and interests of the very rich people behind mass media. Many people speak only one language, never left their homes, never met a foreigner. They have access only to mainstream tv channels and newspapers, and they will never believe anything different from what they consider "official". And you would expect something more from educated people, but even the school curriculum is designed to shape your mind in a particular way that fits the political interests of your nation.

And going back to fiction, of course, I understand that people have a right to enjoy whatever they want and like any character they want and this is no reason to judge their morality. But, indeed, like you, I also find parallels between the excuses people give to overlook or justify fictional massacres and the real ones. I guess fiction mirrors reality and this is why, sometimes, we live this fandom a bit to viscerally. Because when you see someone justifying a fictional genocide you imagine them doing the same in reality and, well. As you say, we don't really need to imagine that at all, it is happening.

[2346khith]

Hello my dear friends! ❤🤍🖤💚🍉

I am Muntaha Inshasi, a Palestinian from the besieged and destroyed Gaza 😭😭, coming from an extended family of young children, women and elderly ❤❤ who have been suffering 😭😭 for a year from an aggressive war. Our lives are harsh because we lack all the basic necessities of life. Everything has become scarce and inaccessible.

There is no food, no water, no medicine. So, I am asking you to help me keep my family safe and alive, especially after we lost all our sources of livelihood. Please do not leave my family to struggle and suffer these difficult days alone. You can support my campaign by donating what you can or by sharing my posts to reach others who can help us survive the war to safety and peace.

You are helping the lives of many people with your small contribution. Every donation makes a difference in our very difficult lives. But this is a legitimate campaign and verified by ✅️ @gazavetters, my verified number on the list is ( #80 )

https://www.gofundme.com/f/building-a-house-struggle-for-survival

For those who see this please, visit their blog and reblog their blog’s posts so they  get more attention and if you have the money to spare please donate.

Also I apologize, but I do not have the ability to donate to you. Trust me if I had the ability I would but I don't and I can't. I have no bank account or credit card to transfer money to and no job to gain any money. Every time I ask my parents to help they shut me down so this is the only way to help you. Please forgive me.

[vivianbernadetteaurora]

Almost famous

This is an interesting concept and it goes back to the beginning of time whenever there has been a rockstar there has been followers whenever there has been a group there has been groupies whenever there has been something that is big in the world from Nazi Germany to big group and supported whether it be good or bad as i’m showing you now that had massive supporters absolutely huge following but it wasn’t necessarily good and people know that it wasn’t good when it comes to music and rockstars and any kind of group not even like it doesn’t even have to be like Led Zeppelin when you think of this subject it could be Fleetwood Mac ,notoriously party animals also …. so what distinguishes these things and make them different? Nothing nothing distinguishes them it’s all about perception anyway and the thing that makes it I guess less controversial is there like oh they’re an artist they’re expressing that art. This goes for me in a massive way of how Marilyn Manson has got away almost with what he did to Rachel would especially if you wanna talk about the heart-shaped glasses video where he actually committed a sexual assault in the video, he was very telling who this man is and some of the interviews he gave at the time of the relationship.

Iggy Pop, Another big artist in the 60s and the 70s with the Stooges I think was part of the Sun strip the LA New York City life and London where they had groupies of course and groupies don’t come as women who sleep with the band they come with women who support the band who do their washing men their clothes who make their clothes who don’t get any credit for some other things that they do to help it all becomes from a group mentality, this is why I get angry and certain women are just called groupies especially in Nancy spud and yes she did hang around with groups and she did do certain things but she was extremely loyal to said they both are very young they weren’t even 22 by the time they died

I was making loads of mistakes at that age I had been in triangles I had cheated and just not just the ones I done things you would be ashamed of, but we are all young and that is the beauty that comes with you forgiveness as well looks fade and you see all the time on TikTok where beauty is the only currency that matters Which can give a very pessimistic outlook?

So why did this become such a massive thing? There were a groupies and they’re roughly around the same same age as the groups because a lot of these groups are very young you have to remember the Beatles started out when they were in their late early 20s same with the stones, but things were getting more debauchery you had Keith Moon blowing up toilets starting explosive drugs with plenty for drink was everywhere it wasn’t a bad thing back there necessarily and you weren’t didn’t exist. I’m afraid there were more prescription tablets available. This is an excuse but it’s part of the problem.

Also going back to Iggy Pop he wrote a song in 1996. It was released where he bragged about having sex with a 13-year-old sable star. He had her at 13. She got bored and ran away with a New York Doll something along those lyrics Saber walked away from the groupie life layer in life and became living in Nevada Las Vegas, I think she died of cancer but she was away from the life and never really interviews again,. Laurie Maddox doesn’t regret a thing. The thing is she can’t consent what she did because she was a minor and they were trafficking if they were moving these girls across state lines that is trafficking and they’re so many you could mention in this blog that I am doing, Tyler page Stephen Tyler, Jimmy Page, and Stephen Tyler practically brought the daughter Julia Holcombe of her mother. She was at a concert gig whatever when she was younger I do not know the age at the time but she was young so the mother which they call in America den mother I don’t know what that is but it sounds like a woman who takes young girls out if you wanna put it bluntly kind of like a Gislaine Maxwell. She had a relationship with Stephen and she ended up getting pregnant. He was really happy with her in the beginning and they were together. She was living with him and everything. I don’t know how long with this period of time was but he was away on tour things got worse. The family met her and I think she said the experience was bad, I guess then as well and to this day I suppose the family probably thought what is this intention with my son he’s famous and making a lot of money (I’m guessing). so he’s away on tour she’s pregnant. He hasn’t left a penny. She’s got no food in the house. She’s got one person I think or something of this sort bringing her bits of food and bits of money but you and far between now happens in the building and she has to learn how to roll into a fireplace to save old fireplaces to save her self or something in school, he didn’t want the pregnancy and I believe she had a abortion and she’s having the abortion or it’s just ended all that pain on the woman’s physical and emotional pain. Not to mention this man cares she said he didn’t care at all. He was there doing cocaine and then just offering her cocaine well she’s just lost something that she really wanted..

You can go to the hip-hop industry and we have a Corinne Steffens who released the whole book and many other books about the music industry and the predatory nature and the hip-hop industry is even more sexual and even more the butcher and the type of men and some of them are gay and closeted, like fingers up the booty and this is in the 90s or early to very early 2000s I think she said the experience of her being in the music industry was for 18 months but she ended up really bad on drugs and alcohol to the point where she ended up in the bathroom like comatose and nearly dying, it’s very dangerous out there especially young women entertainment industry what would we have? What would be entertained by? I do have respect for these people. I have respect for the ones who put in the effort and do what they give they give us this music which is a perfect gift this is why we have to separate the artist from actions but the same actions must be punished. All we need a whole massive system where this gets changed and a whole massive corporate thing would have to changed of the one percent in the world. I don’t know but I see it starting to happen with all these allegations from R. Kelly, Epstein to that list of Epstein flight logs to the start of it with Harvey Weinstein Bill Cosby Kevin Spacey, even the Johnny Depp and Amber trial where we see a window in today peoples lives and I saw something really interesting the other day which was fought from reading magazines back when I was a teenager in and up to my mid 20s until I realised there was a huge agenda as I was reading when I was reading if I read a story about 10% of it is going to be real and the rest of it is Fiction, the more I realise where is true it is blind items where you actually hear the whole truth of what this entertainment industry is really like so anyway me going off track as I usually do where I went to the point of titling this almost famous, these are the other percentage of people the ones who get given the bad name or the Scarlett letter, the ones who have their name dragged the mud, the ones who are drug addicts sluts, the l list goes on, to Britney Spears having a breakdown and being called fat when this woman had literally just lost the custody of her children been tarnished by her ex partner who was nothing before he met her and they expected this young girl who started out in the entertainment industry at 18 and he’s probably stunted at that age gave us her whole career her age she gave us all this. She gave us her while she was going probably through. Absolute hell I don’t even like to think about it

That the movement became a pariah against this going back to what I saying about magazines so they want that to be as sided media there’s always a side that always has to be a winner or a loser. That’s what keeps it going and that’s what keeps this battle continuing and it will never end there always has to be a winner and an underdog and a loser. With Israel or Palestine,.

As I stress the point of them calling these people who call out their industry and call out the bad and callout corporations companies people there are allowed to call these people mental crazy drug addicts has been but are they allowed to call them evil are they allowed to call them? Satanist? Are they allowed to call them? Jewish and I am going to say that because as soon as you call someone Jewish though your auntie Summit do you not think these people have been in this industry that long and who haven’t joined the 500 million club Know that there is good and bad. Why is it talked about so many times that if you go through certain or certain opportunities are open up for you because you were doing these things humiliation and rituals? No they just called you crazy but why is the story I ask you always always the same These people were almost famous they did so much and you can watch it in the film almost famous where these groupies get all these bad names and like sexual beings and nothing more than that with Nancy and I’ve read her mother‘s book she came from her good background I rich background Didn’t matter if she hadn’t she still wasn’t the person they were betraying her to be. She was mentally ill from the day she was born. I won’t being strangled by her and umbilical cord. Her mother said how much she struggled every day back in those days she would’ve been called schizophrenic but I believe she was autistic 100% I believe this?

Harder to be diagnosed with problems like that than it is men men are less likely to get diagnosed with things like borderline personality disorder and maybe any kind of mood disorder. Where is women are less likely to have anything that is cognitive I guess anyway I just thought I’d like to go onto my TikTok and you’ll see me talk about Desiree Washington Mike Tyson‘s rape victim. I may have done a story About him on here being similar chart to Wendy and Courtney but matters thank you. I am now going to do a podcast on mental health and mental health conditions and how they present? 

[laoghaireslips]

So, I'm turning 27 this Monday, and I thought it would be fun looking at my tumblr archive from when I started my account way back in August of 2012.

I remember it so well, it was the summer holidays and a friend (who's birthday is in fact today/tomorrow depending on time zones) and I were sitting at the kitchen table with my laptop. She said, "I think you'd really like this website" and she helped me to make an account and even helped me coming up with my first url (lostinstero-o-o). I was 15 years old, which means I was incredibly dramatic, even more so than I am now.

It's both sad and hilarious to look back. Some interests stayed, others faded away. Many things I struggled with then, I still struggle with today, which saddens me a bit. But mostly I see subtle things, things I reblogged, statements and discoveries I made, that I can now look back at in a completely different light.

Like when I thought I was straight, or when I was convinced I only liked women exclusively after that. But even in the very beginning things were there, and it comforts me to know that somewhere, your identity is pretty stable? Like, obviously things have changed, it would be awful if they hadn't. But I'm still a slightly insecure, socially awkward nerd who is easily obsessed with things and people.

The thing is, I thought it would be cringy. But it really wasn't! Which is good to know, that I can forgive my past awkwardness now, even though I still kind of feel like that little emo child.

I'm sorry if I'm rambling, but I want to write this down for myself. Because who knows, I might look back at my blog when I turn 37 and smile, knowing what I know then.

In my past posts I can see myself growing through crushes, relationships, friendships, schools and an embarrassing amount of mental illness. Whatever this site has become, it used to be an incredibly important part of my life, and that's kind of cool I guess.

Anyway, may this coming 27th year of my life be the best one yet.

[selamat-linting]

There are millions of things that were once considered supernatural that have since been proven as scientific reality. Platypuses, for one.

At some point "I don't believe in the supernatural" becomes "Science has already discovered everything there is to be discovered".

Which is factually incorrect.

One could argue that space aliens are supernatural. They are also incredibly likely to exist, somewhere out in the infinite expanse.

You don't just believe that magic isn't real, you also believe that if something is real it cannot be magical.

In a world where children's laughter exists?

How silly of you.

maybe you should understand the context of what im writing first asshole. in my country, we have faith healers, people who say they can fix a stroke with a massage, people who believe the stars align someone's career and personality, people who claim they can double money with some chants and help from djinns, people who put graveyard soil on their competitors' shop. people who ate convince thousands of severely ill people to stop chemo treatments to drink prayer water. people who collect gemstones and call it magic then sell it to a high price for desperate people down on their luck. and sooo many grifters saying they could speak to the dead. that is the "magic" im talking about. where in the world did i refer to magic as a metaphorical descriptor for something beautiful?

"magic" in my life, is a code for grifters, people using the naivety, desperation, and grief of others to drain them of money, giving them false hope, or worse. you have no idea how many cases of parents that were misled by local witch doctors saying their kids arent actually dead forever in the woods, theyre just taken to the realm of invisible beings and will come back someday. or mentally ill people and neurodivergent kids literally tortured in an effort to exorcise ghosts and bad spirits. spiritual gurus sexually harrassing vulnerable women for cleansing/ritual purposes, or faith healers and mediums who realized they cant keep up the lie anymore so they started killing and raping their clients. do you want me to send you a fucking of all that news stories that happen in my country? my country doesnt need more magical thinking, we need scientific and secular education, and a conscious effort to get rid of those superstitions or else we'll be stuck praying to various entities and magic items instead of actively revolting and working together to make a better country.

also where the fuck did i say science has already discovered everything? im saying im a skeptic, that means i believe everything has a scientific explanation, but that doesnt mean science have already figured everything out nor that its free of criticism. i dont doubt i will die with the knowledge that we only know so little about the universe we might as well call ourselves cavemen.

also where the fuck did i bring up aliens you freak?

forgive me for assuming but, let me guess : you skim read my personal post and instantly paint me as a stuffy skeptic bro who adheres to reason and hates whimsy despite barely knowing me or my life. youre shadowboxing over someone you created in your head but youre convinced youre fighting me. well i may be wrong so i apologize beforehand

but anyway, i hope youre just a stranger who never reads this reply. if youre not, then you really should have read my pinned post before deciding to follow my blog or be my mutual. i already write it down there that im critical to any form of magical thinking and supernatural bullshit. leave my fucking blog if you cant handle it.

but no matter who you are, i hope you got scammed by a faith healer and had a botched suicide attempt after realizing youve fucked up your entire recovery process and lost all of your money and potential. or yknow what, cut the middle man. just kill yourself tonight. youre into magic right? you believe in those signs of the universe and lucky numbers stuff? cmiiw but if its true i hope you know that this is a sign from the universe to kill yourself.

[archduchessofnowhere]

The Accidental Empress Reading Blog II: Feminist Duke Max and mandatory marriages by order of birth

Back with the end of the first part of the novel! I started writing this post about three weeks ago, and as of now I have already finished the novel. The next two reading blogs will cover part two and three, and I will focus less on the historical inaccuracies and more on the story itself, because spoiler alert, this just wasn't a good book period.

But first let's finish this part, which covers the weekend at Ischl in which our protagonist becomes engaged to the Emperor of Austria. This section is literally the 30% of the novel. That's right, it takes over a hundred pages to cover three days. And by God it just went on forever.

Sisi, her mother and sister left Possenhofen for Bad Ischl (in what apparently was an Odyssey of a trip because it took them weeks to travel 200 km). Now, the city only officially took the name of Bad Ischl in 1906, in 1853 it was simply known as Ischl. I'll forgive this mistake because biographers do tend to use the modern name of the city. I'm a bit less forgiving with the fact that Pataki refers to the Imperial family's residence at Ischl as the Kaiservilla. The Kaiservilla did not exist in 1853 (as we know it today, at least). They had rented the palace to spent the weekend, but it only became their property when Archduchess Sophie bought it for her son and daughter-in-law in 1854 as a wedding present.

In Pataki's novel, the weekend at Ischl is a restrictive formal gathering, in which the girls are told to drop their nicknames, court rituals are heavily guarded, and ministers and ambassadors are even invited. In reality this was a family meeting that allowed the emperor to meet his cousins in a relaxed environment away from court. I believe that what Pataki wanted to do was to give her protagonist and the audience a sort of "sneak-peak" at what life in Vienna was going to be for Sisi, which for me ended up backfiring, but I'll write more on this later. Unlike the real Elisabeth, her book version is very confident and witty, and quickly gains everyone's sympathy, outshining her shy sister, who is going through the trenches. The emperor, of course, is the first in being enchanted by the young duchess.

This is a romance novel, so of course Sisi and Franz get a lot of scenes together. While I'm incapable of shipping Elisabeth and FJ, I will say that I don't think their scenes were bad. They hit if off right away, have an unofficial date at the stables, go out riding and have a heart-to-heart conversation while they rest by a river (so kinda the same thing that happened in Sisi 2021 without the rebel attack scene). The problem of writing Sisi and Franz's meet-cute is that the only thing that happened is that he saw her and fell for her. That's it. So writers always must get creative and make them interact somehow because otherwise there isn't any story to tell, and I'll give this to Pataki: she made them interact enough so them falling in love didn't feel like it came out of nowhere (although in reality it did). I'm a slow burn girlie so this kind of romance isn't my cup of tea, but for this story it works.

Also during Sisi and FJ's "date" her education comes out in the conversation and we have this interesting piece of alternative history:

You know I complain a lot about this but I get that the myth of Duke Max being a dotting father (especially with Elisabeth) is so prevalent in pop history that it will keep popping out in media; now the idea that he had progressive ideas about women's rights is definitely a first. I can not stress enough on how ridiculous this is, this man treated his wife like crap and completely neglected his children; if he had a final say on the kid's education wasn't out of personal interest but simply because he was the head of his family. Also Elisabeth had the usual education a royal girl, and in fact she learned less subjects than her brothers. So no, there was nothing progressive about her education.

By this point we reached the moment in which Sisi realizes that she has fallen for "her sister's fiance". And we also reached the end of my patience. This novel ends with the 1867 Hungarian coronation, meaning that about fourteen years were going to be covered. And yet we were past the first hundred pages (of a four hundred pages book) and still in August 1853. This part is ridiculously long and yet it lacks of absolutely any sort of tension. You can not drag for over a hundred pages the whole "oh no I love Franz but he must marry Helene! What will happen now!" because WE KNOW what will happen. It is literally IN THE TITLE OF THE BOOK. THE SYNOPSIS SAYS IT TOO. The prologue is flashforward of the Hungarian coronation. We know Sisi and Franz are going to get married!! Why are you wasting so much time on this!!!

The first Sissi movie solves the problem of us already knowing the end by adding the tension of Elisabeth being horrified over the prospect of becoming empress and begging Sophie to not let her marry Franz Josef. In turn, Sisi (2021) and Die Kaiserin add the tension of Helene being angry/heartbroken over the emperor not choosing her. The Accidental Empress does neither: Helene does not want to marry FJ and pushes her younger sister into his arms, Sisi is more than happy to marry Franz and readily accepts him when he proposes. The only source of tension is that Sophie is really mad at her because *checks notes* the rules say that the elder sister must marry first??

Yeah that's the sole reason for Sophie turning evil. She is delighted with Sisi for the great part of the weekend, and even laments that her son has to marry Helene instead of her at one point. But then the moment she notices that FJ does want to marry Sisi... she just turn on her niece and starts treating her horribly?? Because she isn't the eldest??? Can someone please tell Pataki that although the eldest daughter tended to marry first there wasn't any actual law that dictated that all daughters must marry in order of birth.

Part one ends with a very angry Sophie telling Sisi that she will marry the emperor, and this absolutely demential dialogue takes place:

First what, why would anyone think that? There was nothing in Pataki's novel that could led people to have that suspicion, the times they met alone was outdoors. Second, that's not how it works, nullifying a marriage was extremely hard, specially for a catholic monarch. If it was consummated there was practically no going back, you were stuck together forever. And that's not even considering how taboo annulments were in the first place, no one wanted to go through one if they could avoid it.

Overall I found this part dull and uninteresting, since the romance wasn't one that I could enjoy, and already knowing the history meant that I was annoyed both by the inaccuracies as well as the complete lack of tension. By the end I just wanted it to be over already so we could get to the actually interesting events of the young empress' life.

(By the way we still have horribly forced expository dialogues:

"What the archduchess is speaking about is-" STOP IT STOP LITERALLY EXPLAINING EVERYTHING THE CHARACTERS SAY. The Crimean War isn't even properly covered in the novel anyways why did we needed this exposition?)

[girlboss-enthusiast]

I posted 3,519 times in 2022

That's 3,251 more posts than 2021!

350 posts created (10%)

3,169 posts reblogged (90%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@magnetictapedatastorage

@gonegirldiscourse

@lifewithchronicpain

@girlsmoonsandstars

@nansheonearth

I tagged 3,345 of my posts in 2022

Only 5% of my posts had no tags

#fav - 283 posts

#laugh tag - 224 posts

#self.txt - 206 posts

#art - 164 posts

#gender ideology - 114 posts

#cute - 98 posts

#dogs - 69 posts

#ref - 69 posts

#reminders - 55 posts

#radical feminism - 49 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#that's literally how you grow as a person...protecting your kid from it might feel good in the moment but it's not right or good for the kid

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

A well-known rapper recently switched his IG pronouns to they/them. He hasn't made a statement yet, but people are swooning over this and talking about how he's "bringing gender diversity to hip-hop" and is "so brave," etc.

Oh, did I mention he was convicted of assaulting his girlfriend and threatening her with a firearm earlier this year? I bet this is totally unrelated.

Male abusers come out as non-binary now and the public immediately forgives them - if people even cared about their violence in the first place. Gender ideology is a great way for men to avoid social consequences.

863 notes - Posted July 17, 2022

#4

It’s amazing how many normie women will agree with the basic concepts of radical feminism if you don’t frame them as Radical Feminism(tm). Things like porn culture, sex vs gender, male violence, are all observable and radfem conclusions are logical. It’s just when you start bringing out the theory of why it’s like this that women get skittish. Which is understandable—fully understanding the breadth and depth of misogyny is scary, and for a lot of women, it’s too much, and they will disengage.

But some women won’t, and while they might not read Dworkin or call themselves radfems, they’ll be more aware of how to protect and love themselves and other women, and might become politically active if they weren’t already. That’s the end goal for me—I don’t really care what women call themselves, I’m just happy they’re striving for female solidarity and class consciousness, even if they don’t use those words.

892 notes - Posted November 23, 2022

#3

You know what, I really do think social media, maybe the internet in general, is rotting people's brains. Like "terminally online" and "brain worms" are not half-ironic jokes. It's destroying our attention spans and ability to interact with each other or form bonds, it's putting us in a social panopticon with no opportunity for privacy or ability to think for ourselves without fearing the judgment of our peers. People's boundaries are being eroded by the twin pressures/desires of fitting in and going viral. Sexual harassment is getting worse and worse, partially because of those two pressures. Corporations know more about us than we know about ourselves. Kindergartners arrive at school without the motor skills to hold pencils or the spatial awareness to play with Lego bc they were raised with tablets. Our eyesight is getting worse; our rates of depression and anxiety are skyrocketing; in fact, our physical and mental health are both plummeting. We are polarized, afraid, subject to groupthink, slowly being subsumed.

And you know, this is all linked to capitalism, bc who is benefiting from this? Who wants a tame and distractible populace? This particular analysis has been done by ppl better equipped than me, but the total ignorance/avoidance of this fact is simply playing into the hands of the capitalists. It scares me, honestly. I worry it's not going to get better.

tl;dr delete your social media

1,077 notes - Posted July 31, 2022

#2

So sick and tired of people calling everyone they don't like Nazis. Sorry you don't like JK Rowling or whoever the fuck, but making that comparison is laughable and frankly offensive. Do you actually know what the Nazis did, or is it just a story to you? Because some people sling the word around with such ease, I wonder if they think it's fiction.

1,121 notes - Posted September 17, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

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2,232 notes - Posted May 30, 2022

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