#this is some bullshit. im killing myself. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

buddie2024 · 2 years ago

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Buddie parallels to established couples part #1928289229: they're all wearing green and blue!!

#911 spoilers #911 #9-1-1 #911 on fox #eddie diaz #evan buckley #buddie #911 fox #9-1-1 on fox #bathena #madney #henren didnt fit the theme but its alright we move #this is some bullshit. im killing myself.

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qiu-yan · 3 months ago

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i think there's a direct correlation between how strongly a narrative insists that a character is morally ideal, and how strongly i feel the urge to dunk on said character

#yanyan speaks #yanyan haterpost #this informs like 90% of my mdzs haterposts tbh. i think you can tell.#like if you insist [blorbo] is morally perfect but i can see with my own eyeballs all the times that [blorbo] did some morally sus shit #then of course im going to point that out. and probably be annoying about it too.#whereas if [blorbo] is morally grey and the story admits that then everyone's having a good time because now there's no bullshit #imo the reason why i can be a jiang cheng stan is because the narrative he's in dunks on him already #like if the story instead insisted jiang cheng was morally perfect i'd jump into the book and kill him with a hammer myself

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tetras-stuff · 7 months ago

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I hate when people criticise the newer jill (remake jill) because it's just dudebros who are annoyed that she has agency now. they want re1 jill who was really stupid, naive, and behaved like a child instead of a full grown military woman because innocent childlike female character with boobs = hot. let jill have her agency. let her say fuck. let her be the one to take wesker down in re5 instead of sitting back letting chris do everything. don't be cowards.

#resident evil #jill valentine #i just love re3r jill and i hate these annoying people who hate her for no reason #and before anyone is like 'hey she was smart and cool in re1' no she wasn't #she legit heard barry having an incriminating conversation about killing people and just shrugged it off and believed his 'i was talking to #myself' bullshit lmao like be so for real #like what???? are you sad she has some backbone now???? what a shame #yet another example of capcoms sexism #she isnt an object and im glad theyve now finally allowed her to have a bit of strength and depth #anyway i fully support a villain arc for jill

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hindahoney · 1 year ago

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If you're like "yeah of course I support Jews!" But your support stops at regular Israeli civilians, even children, who died in a terrorist attack, you don't support Jews and you're fine with us being murdered when we're at a coffee shop

#literally just regular people #youre fine with jews being killed just say it #yeah i know im opening myself up to some bullshit here #but im tired of seeing innocent people killed and wanting to speak about it but then #i have to ask myself 'but thats controversial to say'#it shouldn't be controversial to say i dont support anyone dying in terrorist attacks #jumblr #judaism #jewish #frumblr #oh and if youre a jew who thinks this way dont even fucking talk to me

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itz-pandora · 15 days ago

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Huh. If my life was a quote, it'd be "one of those sad ones with a deceptively happy tune"

#quote from MLP:FIW #sorryyyy been kinda angry about my step family all day #sorry but im so tired of my Stepmom acting like she raised decent kids #my step brother is like 25 and living in my dads home. hes unironically an andrew tate fan and treats his very disabled girlfriend like shit #step sister always got compred to my sister who's the same age and put step sis in the light every time EVEN THO MY SIS WAS LITERALLY BETTER #<- like grades n shit #also both step sibs are gross. never cleans up ever. step brother and his gf are banned from the basement #step bro went to juvy when he was 16 and step sis had a trial last year and almost went to jail #also step sis has mono and would rather die than cover her mouth #i feel bad for SB's girlfriend because she has no other support system and sometimes it feels like SB or SS is trying to kill her?????#my dad threatened to kick out the adults if the house is dirty (adults being SB. SBG. SS. My sister. Aunt.)#My sister does SO MUCH HOUSEWORK and nobody cares and im mad #also bullshit rules recently have made my potential eating disorder worse #i don't think its healthy to rather starve than wash a dish but i actually have cried several times over this #not to mention how much i accidentally starve myself #also our food has been less and less because I don't know what I'm allowed to eat anymore because of my step family #also i have to share the smallest room with my sister. its okay tho ilh and i wouldn't want to get rid of her #sometimes it feels like my stepmom doesn't like me or my sisters because we're “weird”. childish interests and artistic #she lectured me about having missing assignments and I started crying #i said i just forgot to turn in some before the deadline and she called me lazy #<- Oops! so close. its actually THE MENTAL ILLNESS #my sisters and i feel like shit #i feel like my safe space is with my oldest sister.#and you all too! i love you guys #i just feel trapped. trapped by my step family. trapped by my own mind.#i was just starting to feel free from the burden of school and she just made me feel more stressed.#i didn't want to study because she killed the little motivation I had #Spanish exam is now “Fuck it we ball”#sorry for the personal post

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angellurgy2 · 3 months ago

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^_^

#i cant fucking wait to get this over with for good #it kills me to have to look in the mirror and see someone else and know ill never see myself because i cant be myself alone.#i hate that i have to scream and write stupid silly shit to get even a modicum of attention and have even that just be a like on a screen.#im not me anymore ive devolved into nothing and i have no one to help me become real again. sorry i csnt do it alone bc isolation isnt-#-conducive to healing esp for this long #no one will care but thats fine. ive known this for a while #i just want to get it over with and never feel this bullshit again. at least ill feel like me for a second before i die. its whatever.#i can try to play pretend until it comes but it wont work. bc its all pretend #god i cant fucking take another day of this detached horror of existence #i fucking *despise* having my only reactions in a whilebe some hug emoji by a stranger on a serious post. im fucking pathetic. that's why i #gone #gone gone gone. gone.#and i still have to wait for release to be mine. idk how long i can.

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suburbias · 6 days ago

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no more grad apps im done with grad apps

#“why do you want to apply to x program” well if i had the money to not work i wouldnt be actually i just really need someone to fund me lmao #they should let you be honest in these applications im tired of pretending i think my art is going to change the world or some bullshit #i just want a university to pay me for 2 years while i make it. is that so hard !!!!!#brb killing myself #mel.txt

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thecomet-and-themeteor · 7 months ago

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Sorry for Romeo & Juliet posting on not main but just hold on for a second, I promise this relates to & Juliet it's genuinely insane how Prince Escalus just fucking. Lost like all of his (named) relatives.

Motherfucker gave both the Capulets and the Montagues at least a million chances and both families just abused it.

His cousin was killed while visiting the grave of his dead fiancée and his nephew was killed in a fight that he had no reason to be in. The first one was by a Montague, the second one was by a Capulet. The first one was on behalf of a Capulet, the second one was on behalf of a Montague.

That's fucking insane, man. I wouldn't be surprised if, in & Juliet, while the Capulets were busy in Paris with Juliet and Frankie, the Montagues were being stripped of their status, titles, and land. And then when the Capulets returned to Verona, I wouldn't be surprised if they were also stripped of their status, titles, and land. And the worst part is, that is literally the least he could do as a punishment to them yet I don't doubt even for a second that that was the punishment he went with because HE STILL FUCKING CARED ABOUT THEM.

And the slap in the face of both Romeo Montague and Juliet Capulet being alive meanwhile Paris and Mercutio both still lay dead is unimaginable. What would you do in that situation? Genuinely, what would you do? Because I can't imagine it'd be anything good.

#and he liked the Capulets better than the montagues to begin with!!!!#he was letting his cousin MARRY JULIET!!!!!!!!!!!!#HE LIKED THE CAPULETS!!!!!!#but when one of his officers tells him hey come to Juliet Capulets tomb he expects some bullshit right #only for him to see said cousin fucking dead??????#AND A CAPULET BEING THE ONE TO KILL HIS NEPHEW #THATS PROBABLY WHY HE LET'S ROMEO OFF SO EASILY #HE SAID THAT THE NEXT FIGHT WOULD RESULT IN THE DEATH PENALTY OF SOMEONE BUT LIKE #MOTHERFUCKER WAS MAD AND A LIL VENGEFUL #ROMEO GOT REVENGE #the urge to name myself after him is so strong man #hes such a character #im just repeating myself at this point but do you get it #Do You Get It?#& juliet #&j #and juliet #romeo and juliet #romeo & juliet

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barkingangelbaby · 6 months ago

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venting so much i ran out of tags lmao

#i think im hallucinating ?????#i have my headphones on (listening to boyfeel on repeat n choppin up some paper)#and keep feeling / seeing shadows in my peripheral vision #im probably just dehydrated and having bad floaters but i dont like it :)#today has also been bad dramatically awful #life isn't serious there's no reason to feel this heavy #oop very emo thoughts incoming #life can't be meaningful or ill miss my parents too much but can't be meaningless or im living without them for nothing #im just. struggling very hard this year. idk #i had so much health bullshit going on for months that i put off going to a psych n now im so busy that it feels bad taking time off for it #and im also scared of getting on meds bc the idea of being dependent on something that i might not have access to is.. auuughhh #idk dude my adhd has been debilitating lately and i feel so stuck and sometimes i think i have ocd bc my compulsions are so fucking bad and #all my mental bullshit with my breathing has slowly been driving me wild and peaks my anxiety #and sometimes i worry abt being bipolar bc my mom's mom is and my mom's best friend told me she thought my mom might have been #bc the way my moods are so low or so high is exhausting it feels like i haven't had a “normal” day in so long #but also atp when im happy i feel manic bc idk how to healthily experience happiness anymore #idfk y'all !!!! im also very nonverbal these days #ugh and still going back n forth on telling my therapist ive been suicidal again bc i dont want him to have to report me or anything idk #a few months ago i made a joke about offing myself and he got rly serious n said he'd have to take action if im serious so im leaning no #like. i wouldnt actually kill myself. i just don't want to exist sometimes in this life #its just been very very very very very very very very very very very very very very hard lately without my parents or grandma #and even after all these years it's still heartwrenching to think about continuing to live this life without them #like. i just want to make them laugh. i just want to feel their arms around me in a warm hug. i just want to dance to their favorite songs.#i don't want to think of them and see their dead bodies anymore. i want to remember them healthy and smiling.#i would take care of them again in every lifetime but fuck dude. i just want to remember their good days instead of the end. can i please #please fucking invision them at their best. i want to remember the dad that played baseball and video games and whose laugh filled the room #i want to remember my grandma who was so sassy but kind. whose button nose crinkled when she smiled. who taught me to happily be dramatic #i don't want to remember them being frail. i want to forget the frustration i saw in their eyes. i want to forget seeing them struggle #(insert sadness about not remembering my mom at all)#just. fuck dude. my life is simple and i am safe so i shouldn't complain. but things feel so fucking hard sometimes. i feel so heartbroken

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the-gayest-sky-kid · 6 months ago

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nobody here fucking listens to me nobody here fucking cares when its important im so sick of this fucking house

#my mom can freak out when i drop a fucking plate or something because when THEY yell or call me slurs or hit me its perfectly fine #my mom says she hated when my father teased me but she never stopped him wnd n #and now when i get called a fucking faggot its none of her business either #why would it be #when i tried to to kill myself when i was more actively suicidal it wasnt let's get my daughter some help it was fucking #do you want to go to a mental hospital? where they'll tie you up? do you want to be like your father?#other people have it worse. other people have made it. youre only thinking of yourself. youre making me look like a bad parent.#even now she talks all proud in her therapy sessions and with the case workers but i know she hasn't tried to help me at all. i have no idea #where my lifes going and i have no idea where to start and she hasnt helped at all.#but its okay because shes getting better and shes the only fucking person in this house that matters right. she knows EVERYTHINGGGG #when my brothers talk bullshit it's okay for them to have their own opinions. when she gets offended its never on my behalf. im queer when #she gets to say shes sooo supportive but then she forgets #i can't use my name because she gave me everything and i have to think about her feelings #when i defend myself im just as at fault because why would i defend myself right. why wouldn't i just lie down and take shit #i fucking hate this house #i hope i never see everyone here again #aethers rants #cw vent #personal posts and stuff idk #swearing cw

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hecksupremechips · 7 months ago

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Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over

Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰

#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually #very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds #like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd #but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga #and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit #and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’#which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road #its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16!#he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control #which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’#so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way #like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health #i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to #be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident!#so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game #is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me #cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused #but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone #like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways #and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed #but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child #shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING #HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY #like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work #apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs #his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be #better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy #and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad #how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel #makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago

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...

#i spend so mad god damn time bitching on this website. its bc i dont talk to ppl. whens the last time i had a non functional conversation?#uuuuhhh last weekend or maybe the weekend before that? so like i gotta complain somewhere. so if i stop complaining u can assume i made #friends lmao. ugh. its just. im worried. im worried abt how this semester is gonna go. how this phd program is gonna go #bc i spent the last 2 years destroying myself. realized ive gotta stop doing that. haven't figured out how to stop and now im gonna triple #the amount of pressure im under while trying to do things in a more healthy way. its just like. it objectively doesnt seem like a formula #for good things to happen. im more worried for how catastrophic its gonna b on my brain than i am abt the things i think most ppl would b #concerned abt. like im not worried abt planning and executing a project or teaching beyond fear of the unknown #its like. ive done these things before. theyre difficult but u make due and tackle the problems. but when it comes to: how to maintain a #healthy school/life balance? i dont even kno where to start with that. i just dont bc when u have a learning disability things just take #more time but like how much time is too much? where does it end? i dont kno how to manage it and i dont wanna hate my project by the end #of this. i want to b excited and not paralyzed bc im afraid i cant change my behavior and its gonna kill me #and im worried bc im meeting with my advisor for the 1st time since march before i agreed to join thr lab and have i prepared for this #project which is almost complete unrelated to what i did in my last lab? no bc ive been managing data and im still not done managing data #bc i cant focus bc i collected that data in a way that was actively self destructive. and i mean i kno itll b fine. thr guy seems nice i #just hate that im showing up devoid of enthusiasm bc its all been drowned out by the fear. and thats also gonna make teaching a problem #bc its hard to b excited abt things when there's a hole in your chest and ur desperate for someone to tell u how to fix it. but idk helping #ppl does usually make me feel better so maybe itll b a good thing. forgot how much i feel like im dying when i sit in meetings and #classroom tho lol. god its been 2yrs since i was a student. classes feel like such bullshit now. and yet if i dont get all As i might die #my students better b good. i have the 1st lab section bc thr lead ta couldnt do that time. so im the trial lab and i start fucking Monday #who tf does labs the 1st week of class? ugh. also its an intro bio so like 2/3 of thr class r freshman. lil bby 18yos and some r non bio #majors. and ive been warned that sometimes there r problems with ppl who don't believe in evolution and cause problems. pls let my classes #b good. im not that worried. its just gonna b annoying as fuck. im not good at being authoritative #ugh. i should b reading papers so i dont look like too much of an idiot tomorrow. itll b fine im just an anxious freak. a lil over a week #until i can try to find a therapist. probably seek medication bc i dont kno how else to stop this bullshit. annoying. i grew up with a dad #who gets anxious abt the idea of taking too much medication when he tskes a single ibuprofen. in this household we feel pain and then we #die miserable. this is all his fault. we have the same brain.im just a lil more irradidic than him #its so funny i say that bc im like the least irradic person ever. i do the same things every god damn day. im just irradic in terms of #sometimes i feel like my brain is on fire and im a cry bby lol #whatever. enough bitching. ive got papers to read. or maybe ill just go to bed and read them tomorrow 🙄#unrelated

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lightningfilledsaber · 2 years ago

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it's fat tboy season fuckers I just dropped 50 bucks i dont have on shorts because all the ones I own aren't sexy enough

#mud rambles #or they dont fit to be fucking honest #my fat ass and waist are too fuckin pwoerful for normal people clothers #hopefully these fit nice it's from a shop i used before that fit nice os! hopes r up #i also got a gay little shirt ot match one of da shorts #i should not be allwoed to buy theings on 2 hours of slefep #got 3 pairs of dolphin shorts #2 are like.ly gonna be a lill tight but that's the point #becasue shorts made for fat people aren't made the same #they always make them more modest than their straight sized counterparts #which is fukcing bullshit #i wann ashow some ass too dog #like they're not even made to like. fit better or anything they just fukcin gmake it with more matierial relative to the skinny clothes bc #god forbit fat people show skin #it's especially evident with the fukcing waistband #i wish all shops that make fat people clothes high waisted by defualt without even labelling the;m as high waisted a very die #a very die i will fuking kill you myself #i like high wasited shit but to fucking make shit like that default??? why the fukc do i have to hide my stomach just bc im fat fuc you #jesus christ i need to sleep these typos arent even intentional #im typing super slow rn to not make a hundred typos GOD

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jabberwockprince · 2 years ago

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tumblr stop fucking showing me ads about weight loss with grotesque pictures or drawings of human bodies picked just for shock value, im going to fucking start crying

#some of these catch me off guard and the shit used for the ads are.#so fucking upsetting to me #im just gonna end up uninstalling the tumblr app #just show me car ads im fucking begging you #if i have to see another goddamn organ chart for some diet bullshit #i will kill the goddamn tumblr devs and then myself

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clownpassing · 2 years ago

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i can't wait to go to the fucking urgent care once it's not 4am anymore i am so miserably sick again

#txt #op #long c*vid im gonna kill myself every fucking month is just miserable illness after miserable illness #seriously though i have to isolate myself for real i cant fucking deal w this anymore i swear to god its driving me crazy #twice a month i come down with some bullshit that leaves me unable to work or do anything i cant do it anymore

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foxcassius · 2 years ago

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i am going to be so real right now. if my dad sending the background check without tracking despite me SPECIFICALLY asking him to and offering to pay for the cost of shipping (which he refused to take) ends up fucking up my job bc the document is late or fucking LOST, i am 100% going to kill myself

#if it is lost it will take me THREE MONTHS to get another. at that point im not kidding its the end for me. what am i supposed to do.#fucking starve and die? fucking wither away desperately in a japanese hotel room or something? killing myself.#it needs to arrive and it needs to arrive soon i am trying SO FUCKING HARD to not be mad at him #but i ASKED him to send it with tracking MULTIPLE times. he OFFERED to send it with MORE bullshit security and i said no. just tracking.#i JUST need you to get TRACKING i just need to know WHERE IT IS #and he didnt. and its not his fault hes just some old guy he doesnt understand. but im still going to kill myself. so.#t

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