#if i wanted to text you id be in some other social media im here because i dont do texting. texting kills the soul

[fellator]

sent a guy a letter on slowly and he responded calling me "querido" and telling me his number saying he's making a gc with his slowly friends. no bitch we here to send letters. write the fucking letter. lazy ass

[dogboyklug]

UH-OH! a comic about being trans. by me. part one of probably three :]

i felt bad about being transmasc so i decided to just give up and write about it until i hopefully didnt. i feel a little better getting this all on digital paper but there's still. a lot to draw. so. oops

i'll be posting the next parts. whenever they're ready (which will hopefully be soon) and linking them all here, so whenever you want just check back with the base post and i'll prolly add some links and maybe clean things up. yay!

text transcript / partial ID under the cut!

transcript:

looking back, there were a few signs i might have been trans.

[a sequence of events showing little me flinching and going "ow" at being called his deadname, little me reading a book and going "haha im like a tomboy but i dont like sports or being active or anything im just. a boy. haha", and little me having an active breakdown, crying and holding his glasses, with partially obscured text in a dark cloud around him. the only text visible shows his thoughts, and shows he's worrying that he's sexist for mostly only liking and relating to boy characters.]

...some.

however.

there were also a few things i considered signs of me not being trans at all.

EXHIBIT A:

[a drawing of little me, looking at his 3ds. he's thinking "as long as i make sure that i always play as the 'main girl character' in these games i wont cry because im a girl because i wont be me as a girl i'll be Them. roleplaying. as them".]

no dysphoria.

[caps] EXHIBIT B: [end caps]

[a crude drawing of little me staring at nothing. he's thinking "i don't hate women. and i don't like being mean to other people."]

[caps] I WAS A FEMINIST. [end caps]

and not toxically masculine.

i knew about trans people, but i didn't know trans MEN existed.

[a drawing of little me, with the caption "clueless". he's staring slightly up, and saying "huh?!"]

my mom was nonbinary, with a few trans friends, but people [caps] WANTING??? TO BE MEN??? [end caps]

to be

gross,

disgusting,

hateful,

cruel,

oppressive,

men?

[the background slowly gets darker until it reaches the final word, and that word is a significantly bigger font than the rest of the words.]

for a while, primarily due to my lack of research

[drawing of little me, staring at his computer (which is labeled "deviantArt machine") and going 'huh'.]

i figured, if i WAS trans, I was probably a trans women.

but of course, that was silly

you can't be a trans woman if you're already afab.

and there's no other ways of being trans,

right?

[a crudely-drawn drawing of a deviantArt favorite's tab. none of the favorited pieces have any detail, though several are the same width and length as classic deviantArt stamps.]

hm.

hmmmmm...

[a crudely-drawn drawing of a representation of one of the favorited stamps. it's a massive, pink stamp with the text "SHE/HER!" in it in all caps and pink lettering. bottom text states it is a "she/her pronouns badge by ...", though the rest is cut off.]

HMMMM...

[a picture of a mouse hovering over the 'favorite/unfavorite' button. the star is filled in, indicating clicking it would unfavorite the piece.]

[two wordless panels, side-by-side, showing little me staring at his screen, hovering his cursor over the unfavorite button.]

[two more panels, showing that little me has unfavorited the she/her badge. the panel showing his face shows he is grinning wildly, his hair has poofed up in excitement, and his glasses are now blue-ish purple.]

OHO!!!!!!!!!!!!1

.................and that's

quite literally

how it happened.

before i knew how bad the entire site was, i would frequent dA. CONSTANTLY.

it was baby's very first "social media" webpt site.

[a drawing of a tiny, cartoonish kitten with a small turf of hair, staring at wonder up at a computer, one hand on the mousepad. it is labeled "dramatic reenactment of me making my d a account."]

i wasn't really SHELTERED as a kid, i just didnt know fuck for shit, and my baby anxiety made learning annoyingly hard.

so i turned to memes as a sort of wire mother as opposed to my real, cloth one.

jokes can be easier to understand than reality, sometimes.

(this isnt a good thing.)

so, i sort-of-came-out on deviantart, home of the wacky, wild and weird, where i learned he/him pronouns were an option, and a choice.

[a drawing of little me, with blue glasses, gazing up at the sky and smiling triumphantly.]

and some crazy trauma but that's for a different comic. if i make it.

[a drawing of little me being hit with a cartoonish star, which is meant to represent the trauma.]

sooo...

that's it, right?

[little me, with a cartoony bandage on his head, gently rubbing his wound.]

my mom was supportive & anyone who wasn't ...isn't in the picture now

that's the end

...right?.

end transcript.

[hyewka]

rana I've been wanting to start a writing blog but idk how to start or get my first audience. you're one of my biggest inspos please give me some tips 😭

assuming you’re writing for a kpop boy group that is fairly big, it’s not too hard to get an audience because it's entirely based on two things: tagging correctly and writing something not too niche.

obviously, i would recommend writing things that interest you because you'll find a select group of people who're into the same things you are (assuming you're writing smut) but if you look through tags and see a pattern of the type of fics people mostly enjoy (socmed vs long fics vs drabbles vs blurbs vs most to least's vs bullet points) then i'd suggest to first tap into that to secure an audience.

im not sure if you're writing for txt or not but this applies to any group, you see a post with lots of notes? look at the tags they've used and replicate that lol. id strongly advise against really long ones ie. "enhypen social media au" or "tomorrow x together smut", people aren't searching those up. there's also a feature on tumblr that shows you the amount of people following a tag when you search it up. for example this is how the txt smut tag looks right now:

when it comes to writing, i dont think writing quality is that much of an importance so don't beat yourself up over it. especially when it comes to smut lol nobody's coming to read smut on tumblr for the eloquent word choice you used when you described someone choking on another person's dick. its definitely a plus to be a good writer but its not something thats important to focus on if you think you're not.

onto the things i would avoid using when writing on here: purple prose, any pov other than second person, changing the color of your text, long paragraphs (always try to find a place where breaking it is appropriate, there usually always is), ALL CAPS ESPECIALLY IN DIALOGUE

last two points: make a small intro post (like the one i have pinned) and make it easy for people to access your masterlist. like set it up nowwww!! also i would recommend starting off with taking requests, theres usually someone out there who would shoot their luck (i didnt have a single piece of writing out when a random anon gave me a request!!).

[possiblyi4657]

:o woah an intro!!!

For the longest time my pinned was a reblog that i really liked, but i may as well try to be More Social or something and actually say a bit about myself! introduce myself to the world outside my little void!

So heyo! The name's Icey, also known as Tora I4-Icey, aka the fellow who lurks in the shadows and only posts on socials every once in a blue moon, here to try and actually exist despite my awful social anxiety!! They/them, 19, and uhh everything else important is hidden under a wall of text so hopefully you like reading?

I have a variety of interests, and I'd like to consider myself an artist, through i mainly draw my ocs (I'd like to change that! I just need to get over my anxiety about messing up other people's character designs first lmao). I also really like editing videos, and of course there's my always present appreciation for the one and only Baymax. Though from the way this tumblr has been going, im preeettyy sure all youre getting here will be my minecraft builds or mcyt reblogs with a side of original content. I have no clue how i keep on returning to this little corner of the internet year after year, but I can't complain much 'cause minecraft is a pretty fun game!!!

oh also here's an unfinished drawing of my sona alongside two other pieces of art i drew of my little guy!

Aaannd now that all the important (?) stuff's finished, here's some questions i'm sure at least some people have (and one friend asked me that i thought were kind of interesting)!

- "So what's with the name?"

My online friends call me either Icey or I4, depending on where you met me. And the name I go by irl is Tora, so i threw all three names in a blender and Tora I4-Icey sounded the best! There's also another name i go by in ffxiv- Ira Icey, so the folks i met over there call me Ira, but I couldn't figure out a way to add Ira to my name.

- "And why's your username a string of numbers?"

Funny story! Back when I was around 12 or so, i kept on forgetting the password to my library account, so my dad changed the password to "4657" and told me to never forget it, cause he's not changing the password a 10th time. It then became my favourite string of numbers, and 4 became my favourite number. I then changed my minecraft account name from "Iceyshadow46" to "I4657", as i hated typing in that username every single time i wanted to effect myself with a command, and somehow I liked that name enough to adopt it as my own! Alas, I am aware the username makes me look like a bot. I'm not changing it, ive stuck with it for this long, and if the bots want it so much, they can pry the name from my COLD DEAD HANDS-

- "Wait, where did the "possibly" part of your username come from? Why possibly?"

I may possibly simply be I4657, also known as Icey, I4, or Tora. Or i may be a cat. Or a squirrel playing a harmonica. You shall never know, and i shall neither confirm nor deny. (read: i4657 sounded too much like a username a bot would choose on here and id rather not get blocked by people assuming (wrongly) that i was a bot.)

- "Why's your sona a glitchy shadow eye creature?"

Fancy lore explanation: As ive been mostly lurking, rarely interacting with anyone on the internet, i kinda pictured myself as nothing more than just eyes, watching others juuust out of sight. But since one can't just look like a blob of eyes and shadows if they want to interact with humans, I stole borrowed the form of a human. Minus the fact that this form (usually) only has two eyes, leading to my lack of spacial awareness, its pretty comfortable. As for the glitches... I don't really have an explanation for that yet.

Actual answer: I had a vision and I thought it'd look super cool. AND I WAS RIGHT!

And I think that's it! I am really, and i mean REALLYYY bad at social media so chances are ill disappear from the face of the earth for days at a time. but ill always come back with something. or at least, ill try to. :D

[lonestatus]

hi! i'm doing a presentation on the impact and community of tumblr for my media studies final and i wanted to reach out to my mutuals and fav blogs with some questions that relate to my topic. i would so totally love and appreciate if you could answer some of these for me.

it would be so totally rock and roll and awesome and amazing and i'll literally love you forever and ever and ever! :)

thank you thank you thank you!!!!

the questions:

1. how is tumblr different from other social media platforms?

2. how has the tumblr community affected you as a person/online presence?

3. do you feel more inclined to post more personal or private aspects of your life and or opinions on tumblr rather than other apps? as in do you feel you are less likely to be judged on tumblr than other platforms?

4. what are your favorite aspects of tumblr?

5. what would you do if tumblr got shut down?

6. what are some things that only tumblr bloggers would know/understand?

or

7. are there certain traditions on tumblr that you think other media sites wouldn't understand?(an example being our site wide celebration of the ides of march)

8. what are some of the largest fandoms/inner communities on tumblr? are you apart of these fandoms/communities? if yes, what is that like for you?

9. do you find tumblr to be educational in terms of academics? among other things such as politics and general life experiences?

10. all in all, how has this app changed your perspective on social media, the world, your life, and so on.

please add anything else you find to be important!!

aww im honored!

To be truthful, I don't spend much time on any other social media, so I don't have much experience! But in comparison with insta and pinterest, there's far less reason to use the for you tab. Obviously staff has pushed it in recent updates, but it still holds true, at least for me. I think a big draw for me is the built-in customization in general, with tools for making personal blog themes and post tools.

Since I don't use anything but Tumblr, It can be a little hard to connect with my peers who use Twitter or Snapchat, as we don't really have many other ways to connect outside of e-mail or text, which I think have fallen off in popularity with the rise of social media.

I think Tumblr satisfies my parasocial needs pretty well! I think because of the customization you can accumulate a following that's pretty chill. And if there are weirdos, you can block them very easily.

I've prattled on and on about about how cool customizing most aspects of your experience here is, but to reassert my love for it: When customization goes; I go.

While I have some experience with HTML, I might not make my own website on Neocities or a similar platform. I would probably make a Pintrest again. But if they make it so you can register an e-mail to a Neocities domain I'd be down.

I think Tumblr users like to self-aggrandize so I think most of our traditions and mechanics could be understood by other platform's users... Though maybe a lack of algorithms? I hear a lot of people talking about for you pages on other social media. But again, Tumblr's pushed the for you tab instead of the dash, so I'm not sure that's going to be a distinction for much longer...

8. I don't participate in fandom so I wouldn't know! That's not to say that I don't ever see anything from fandom, but really I'm not sure if I'm missing out on anything. I'm content with the content I do see. I guess you could say I'm part of the "My friends" fandom ^-^.

9. While there's plenty of academic discussion on Tumblr, I don't think there's a replacement to more genuine methods of education. However, there have been things I've been informed of through Tumblr, such as posts summarizing and linking news articles, scientific journals, etc. and methods of accessing them (such as 12ft). In that regard, I suppose that Tumblr has been a fine source of education and keeping up-to-date, though it's far from perfect.

10. I think being able to curate my experience has helped make me less tolerant of ads, weird posts, and other distractions. But I think the greatest impact it's had on me has been all the friends I've made.

[st6rly]

ALL OF THEM FOR THE TRUTG OR DARE 🗣️

- tired

you little... why i ouaghta...

🎱 — post your AO3 total stats 

i haven't posted on ao3 in two years bro ... might cross post my moze fic there though

🍓 — how did you get into writing fanfiction? 

discovered wattpad in grade 6, mainly read those original stories, got into watching haikyuu, found character x character fanfiction, then discovered x reader, gender expression got weird & wanted more m!reader fics, started writing! that wattpad book is NEVER seeing the light of day again... gods i can't believe one of the stellaronhvnters "knew" me during my wattpad days...

🕯️ — on a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy editing? why is that?

love-hate relationship um id say an 8 on a good day and 4 on a bad one. editing is nice because then i can expand on metaphors and connecting these, making the whole piece more cohesive. bad bc sometimes i can't stomach reading what ive written TwT

🛼 — describe your latest wip with five emojis

in terms of fanfic: 🐦‍⬛⚔️🏨🫁⭐️

but for my longterm wip: ☕️🗯️🎶⭐️📱

💌 — how many unread emails do you have right now? 

81.

🐇 — do you prefer writing original characters, reader inserts, or a mix of both? 

both! fanfiction is often a warm up for me in order to write other stuff. that's why my posting schedule is so slow... but tbh im more focused on poetry rn and trying to beat out a big writer's slump rn

🎲 — what stops you from writing more in your free time? 

burnout from general life :/

🧸 — what's the fastest way to become your mutual?

genuinely surprised i have mutuals in the first place im horrible at talking to new people um... idk.

🪐 — name three good things going on in your life right now

writing groove is starting to come back, started writing multiple different oc projects again, got into uni ^^

📚 — what's the last thing you wrote down in your notes app? 

details for plans with irls this weekend

❄️ — what's your dream theme/plot for a fic?

some sort of boxing interactive fiction or a religious horror theme based on some ocs. i love gritty scenes and such. been meaning to write stuff akin to that when time permits ^^

🌿 — give some advice on writer's block and low creativity

keep going. even if you feel imperfect, lost, scared, annoyed, frustrated at you "lack" of productivity, keep going.

🦋 — share something that has been on your heart and mind lately 

i would but it would be vent territory. but!! can say im worried my mental health and social life have been rocky lately.

🦴 — is there a piece of media that inspires your writing? 

poetry ive read often influences my writing practices

🐚 — do you like or dislike surprises?

um depends. typically dislike, but only if it's in situations where the plan is no longer being stuck too

☁️ — what made you choose your username?

starly was my first ever pseudonym and i missed it

🐝 — tag your biggest supporter(s) and say one nice thing about them

@/my irl — they have tumblr i just don't want her to know this blog FKJDHKJF but we've known each other since early elementary school and has been one of the most supportive figures in my life <33 has stuck by me through my worst, even when i refused to talk abt what my worst actually was. would not be here tbh if not for their support

@stellaronhvnters — ALL OF THEM!! i love this server and the people... brought a really big amount of cheer to my life during a really rough period last summer and through the fall with academic and social pressures

🧩 — what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

when there's no line breaks. just. a wall of text.

[mycochaotix]

Hello ! I saw your post about Round 2 Q&A testers, And i would love to partake in your experiments and studies! Though I am only an amateur home mycologist, id love to contribute to the scientific comprehension of these mushroom genetics :) Also, i am genuinely like kinda jealous and super impressed by your whole process, like keep it up bud, I'm here for it. I love mycology soo mush lol. Anyways, if you don't mind my askin, what makes you LC Sooo Green??

Hey mycopal! Thank you for reaching out :) your vibe seems very cool! I used food grade dye for the colors in my LCs 💉❤️🍄 easy peasy lol!!!

If you want to talk about any of my process or maybe consult about your processes im always open to it!

Also, if you want to join up on our mycocommunity discord you are welcome! My qa round 2 just filled :( BUT i plan to do more rounds and you can get in on those in future 💯💯❤️

Discord link ^ if interested, must be queer or queer friendly and follow some basic decency rules but other than that we have a tight knit mycocommunity of helpful and loving mycopals right now if you are interested. Just say who ya are and what social media you come from when joining up so I can assign roles :)

Mushlove 🍄❤️

[liminalweirdo]

How to spot a scam on tumblr

Scammers are getting smarter and in light of the recent “help my cat” scam posts going around which @meluvcheese22 has a pretty detailed post on here I just thought that this might be a good time to help people know what to look for.

Those message requests that come through your askbox that look similar to this:

[image id: a screenshot of a tumblr ask from user catgirlmacaroni that says:

catgirlmacaroni asked a question

“Heeeeey im really sorry, I know you might find this a bit strange but I really do have a huge favor to ask but im so embarrassed to ask for it but I guess there’s no harm on trying, right? Can you consider boosting/sharing the post I pinned for my cat please? We’re in desperately need of help rn. Im so sorry for coming across your inbox like this. Please also consider answering this privately or send me a msg instead! Wishing you well and I hope that you’ll have an amazing year ahead of you (hear emojis)”

end image id]

Posts like this are almost always a scam. Especially if they’re coming from someone you don’t know.

@you-reblogged-a-scam​ has a great post on this

How can you spot a scam?

Go to the user’s profile and type [their username].tumblr.com/archive you can see that they have only been posting on tumblr for a couple of months before they made their crowdsourcing request for their cat. That should be a red flag as they’re only giving the illusion of being a tumblr user. (This is also a good way to vet for bots that aren’t just empty blogs.)

The fact that they weren’t using a Crowdfunding platform was suspicious to me, especially because those platforms crack down on scammers and afaik, offer protection to people who have donated if they discover it’s a scam. This isn’t failproof as I know a lot of people do use just P*aypal or V*nmo but this should still be a red flag.

 Search the P*ypal account user’s name through Google to see if they’ve done anything like this before. As you can see here, and here this user has posted VERY SIMILAR cat stories under different tumblr accounts but they all go back to the same P*ypal. You can also reverse image search included images or search parts of the text they’ve written to see if it appears as “original posts” under different Tumblr users’ accounts (or whatever other social media you use)

The notes being turned off was also suspicious as you can see that some people got the word in and the scammer realized their mistake.

[image id: a screenshot of the cat post’s notes with the tumblr message stating that Replies have been turned off for this post and Some replies may have been hidden, blocked, or removed.

tumblr user eatingcroutons writes: “Weird how this person had a different cat in a different state needing money for a different treatment just a week ago: http://www.tumblr.com/axellhere/705044183042392064/pay-axell-cruz-apuyan-using-paypalme”

tumblr user hoodiedeer writes: @ eatingcroutons and the oldest posts on their account are a bunch of reblogs a day before this post lol”

end image id]

If you notice something’s a scam, please please say something in the notes and try to spread the word. Please report it to tumblr and report it to P*aypal or whichever cash transfer source they’re using. Make a Tumblr post about it, just get the word out.

Please be careful out there. I know we all want to help, but please make sure your money is actually going to people who need it, and not people like this.

Also, please add to this post if you have any other ideas for how to spot scams.

[shuatoyou]

➵ request: a fic based on an angsty quote from insta: “maybe someday we will be two people meeting again for the first time”

➵ genre: angst angst and more angst

➵ a/n: ughh this quote was perfect, i wrote two different scenarios and had to choose between the one that fit best. this one was the winner. i hope you like it thank you for requesting anon <3 (sorry if its so choppy btw ugh)

the skies, the damned skies.

you hated how the night sky reminded you of him, his eyes that always sparkled almost as if it was holding an entire galaxy.

you hated how every empty shelf reminded you of the times where they were once filled to the brim with novels waiting to be read by him. 

you hated how he had symbolised nearly everything in your life and it all took you back to him. to that day; that moment. especially now that he was standing in front of you.

the sound of your phone ringing pulled you out of the daze you were in and you rushed to answer without paying any attention to the caller id. 

“hello?”

“i’ve been trying to reach you for the last ten minutes y/n” the voice on the other line that belonged to your friend mingyu huffs frustratedly.

“i'm sorry i must have left my phone on silent, what's up?” 

“are you coming to the company dinner?” he asks with a nervous tone to his usual cheery voice.

“i have to be there as the team leader, gyu, i told you this.”

“oh you did…”

“is everything okay?” you question as him being forgetful was not likely.

“yeah of course, i’ll see you then. is anyone taking you there?”

“i was just planning on making my own-”

“i’ll pick you up at six then,” he says, interrupting you and hanging up abruptly leaving you puzzled but with a yawn you pick up the work you were previously doing.

mingyu picked you up at six like he said he would, you greeted him getting into the car. the two of you complimented each other's looks, mostly him praising your sense of style for once with a laugh however the rest of the time you guys rode in silence for most of the journey except when he made small conversations about work here and there until you spoke up again.

“you sounded weird earlier, you alright?” you turn towards the driving figure in your seat.

“im fine, why wouldn't i be?” he says equally as weird as earlier so you just dust it off with a shrug knowing you wouldn't be able to get anything out of him. humming along to the music you both zoned out into your own worlds.

from the moment you two arrived, stepping foot into the large venue rented for the dinner mingyu had practically glued himself to your side while you greeted coworkers and partners.

“don't you have your own team to be sticking by right now?” you asked, sighing.

“yeah but i don't want to leave you alone” he shrugged, taking a drink from the table behind you before offering you one which you gladly accepted.

“it's nothing new gyu don't worry just go” you shoo him away and turn around searching the crowd as you sipped on the prestige glass filled with equally as prestige champagne. mingyu was still hovering behind you however less annoyingly so you dismissed it for the time being.

it wasn't long before you met eyes with a new figure that walked in, your heart began racing and your stomach dropped at the sight of him. his hair was cut shorter now, the charcoal colour of it stood out to you and of course he was wearing the glasses you stole from him countless times. your eyes stayed focused on him watching as he greeted some people, mingyu followed your gaze to finally notice him too, his eyes widening as he immediately steps in front of you averting your attention to himself.

for a moment you’re stood there trying to figure out whether your mind was playing tricks on you but mingyu's actions confirmed enough 

“what are you doing?” you question raising your eyebrow.

“i'm sorry i didn't want you to find out like this y/n” 

“you knew?”

he nodded at your question.

“is this why you were acting weird all day?” 

another question answered with a mere nod, you understood now.

“it's not that big of a deal anyways, i'm fine” you smile reassuringly patting his arm signalling for him to move since he stood in a protective manner, as if you were fragile. with an apologetic look he nods once again, moving away.

wonwoo being there was a surprise to you, especially when it had been so long since you last saw the boy. your mind raced with thoughts and questions that you did your best to shake away.

eyeing the boxes spread onto the floors, you walked onto the balcony where he was standing looking over at the stunning view you had both bragged about countlessly for the past few years. 

your first instinct was to question why the books were off the shelves and in boxes but he beat you to it as he spoke up.

“i have to go y/n” he told you, not sparing you a single glance.

“what?”

“i got the promotion.” he stated nonchalantly although his eyes were watering making you even more anxious.

“why would you only tell me this now?” you did your best to keep your voice at a steady tone, but you knew wonwoo knew you like no other, probably better than yourself in fact.

“i didn't know how to bring it up, '' he sighs, finally turning to look at you and sitting beside you on the balcony you two had walked onto for air earlier where wonwoo finally decided to bring up the topic.

“a simple, ‘hey i’ve been given a promotion to work overseas’ would’ve done the job wonwoo” you laugh bitterly looking down at your feet.

“i'm sorry”

“when do you leave?” you whispered not trusting your voice anymore.

“next week…” you look up to meet his eyes that were softly looking at you, still as sparkly as ever and still manage to captivate you in them.

“is this goodbye then?” 

“i think so.” he moved slightly to the side getting closer to you, pulling you into a side hug and you don't even fight against it, allowing your figure to be taken into the arms you knew you would miss. the two of you release the tears that were fighting to break free. you felt the circles he rubbed onto the side of your arm, something he always did to comfort you.

he kept his arms around you tightly as you began to withdraw yours from him.

“i can't even find it in me to be angry at you, i really should be but i just can't, woo” your voice comes out shaky, it was like you were disappointed at your feelings.

“this isn't the end y/n” he did his best trying to reassure you.

“it wouldn't have been this hard if you spoke to me… we could have figured something out.” you snapped, feeling a slight anger rush to your head. you were truly upset

“figure what out? would you come with me?” he asked frustratedly.

his question was met with silence, in fact the only sound in the atmosphere was the swaying of the trees and leaves fighting each other on the grounds

“do you think maybe someday we’ll be two people meeting again for the first time?” you mumble.

“yes and i promise that.”

“maybe this is best for us, maybe we need to go our own ways for now and meet when it's time again.”

“until then, i’ll only be one call away,” he vowed.

but the calls never happened, the texts got less frequent and soon he was just a mere memory left in your past.

his eyes were now looking back at you, holding your gaze. he took a few steps to get closer and see if it really was you making your heart practically jump. you broke eye contact first turning back around to your friend. wonwoo couldnt peel his eyes off of you especially when it had been so long. you had changed alot and it pained him to know he wasn't there for some of your biggest changes although mingyu made sure to notify everyone through his social media during the years which turned out to be beneficial to him more or less.

now you were right in front of him, looking as beautiful as ever. all the memories rushing back but all you could wish for in that moment is for him to have broken the promise.

“he’s looking at you y/n” 

“and? i have to go find my boss.”

“now? wait let me come with y-” you stop him putting a hand up.

“i'll see you in a bit, mingyu.” with that you turned around on your heels despite the objections from the boy himself, making your way to the other side of the venue content on finding your boss until someone stopped in front of you bringing you to a halt, your hands immediately lifted up to steady yourself on the strangers chest.

“steady there”

the familiar deep voice made you jump, quickly removing your hands off him and dusting off your dress.

“still as clumsy as ever?” he chuckled.

“oh.. no you got in my way?” you stated kind of like a question. you knew mingyu was watching this interaction from somewhere so you silently hoped he would save you. 

“sorry about that i guess” he was awkward, his hand at the nape of his neck trying to lock gazes with you but that was your stubbornness not wanting to look him in the eye.

“do you mind if we talk for a minute?” he finally spoke up again after the moment of silence.

you hesitated looking back to where mingyu was standing, he was begging you with his eyes to say yes. so you nodded. there was no harm in talking to him again right?

wonwoo seemed shocked at you accepting to talk so it took him a second to compose himself,

 “oh? okay great.” he stumbled on his words and almost his feet as he led the way to the bench outdoors.

the two of you took a moment to breathe the fresh air and you wrapped your shawl around you tighter in attempts of keeping warm from the fierce cold. he took notice of this. you always got cold easily anyways.

“maybe it wasn't a good idea talking outside in the cold.”

“what do you want to talk about wonwoo?” you ask, making him turn around to you before sitting right beside you on the bench.

“i'm sorry.” he said, voice shaky and deeper than ever. you weren't sure whether the goosebumps on your skin was from the cold or his voice.

you hum in response. “for what?”

“for leaving back then.”

your figure straightens at the words falling out of his mouth.

“is that it?” you say coldly.

“no, but i don't know how to get into the rest of it.” he admits avoiding your gaze like you were doing to him.

“please don't.” you plead with a whisper standing up and facing his sat figure. “i’ve moved on wonwoo everything's different now, i don't need an apology. we did this years ago we got over this. you have nothing to be sorry for.” you vent.

“y/n…” he stands up taking a step closer to you.

“it's fine. it really is.” you assure him as much as you honestly could.

“you were the one who asked if one day we would be two people meeting again for the first time.” he quotes from the past.

“and we have, we met again wonwoo but that's it. im sorry.” you softly smile turning to walk back inside.

he didn't try to stop you because you weren't wrong, you two had met now and that's all there was to it. wonwoo left and took a piece of you with him but perhaps it wasnt enough for the both of you to return to the happy times, at least not together. 

you guys met again, as two different people with two separate lives.

he inhales the cold air around him looking up to the night sky, the stars that were always filled with light had now dulled in his world and yours was only just beginning to brighten again.

[ponydoodles]

Mod Masterpost

Here’s a post 4 all of u mobile users, all of the mods in one place! It includes the pic of their ponysona/mod pony, a little description and their social media (If available). If they don’t have any social media listed, DO NOT ask for them, they’re not there for a reason!

Click on “Keep Reading!” This post will be updated accordingly!

absolutely exhausted and gay

gender?? no thanks, i’ve had gender once and didn’t like it

cries at every movie

fav things to draw: Muffins, Twilight, Twuffins, Luna, redesigns and headcanons, silly things and memes

Hi there!! Im mod Mizzle (formerly mod Ivy!!) and im the creator of ponydoodles! I like cats, bugs and staying up late until 5am. I’m a part time freelance artist and I’d love to draw for you! Check out my carrd for more details !! <33

carrd | tumblr | ?????

ponydoodles tag

slow @ art

loves All ocs

pink

ponydoodles’ only triple hired mod

favorite stuff 2 draw: uhh cute pony interactions??? is that a thing??

hi!! i’m mod glitter and i draw here sometimes. i’m not super good at drawing regularly but i do my best!! also i lov Pink. So Much

carrd | tumblr | :)

ponydoodles tag

▪︎ I’ve loved mlp since 2012, and I’ve been a mod here since 2018!

▪︎ My ponysonas name is Homebody!

▪︎pronouns are she/her or they/them!

▪︎my favorite characters are flim and flam! Love me some rat bastards!

▪︎my main tumblr is @bubaluv , and I’m bubaiuv on deviantart!

ponydoodles tag

carnival enthusiast

art is my life and animation is my oxygen

hella neurodivergent

magic is real

I’m called Ferris ✦ I make cartoons full time, but sometimes I like to treat myself to a happiness-infused doodle of candy-colored horses. I’m here to share some of those doodles with 𝕐𝕆𝕌, 𝕋ℍ𝔼 𝕍𝕀𝔼𝕎𝔼ℝ, and contribute to the positive vibes this blog radiates!!! tumblr ✦ =) ✦ deviant

ponydoodles tag

the boy so nice they named him twice

XxUltimateDiscordLoverxX

ponies be like: im transing my gender

hii!! im mod treat and i use they/he pronouns!! i love ponies a whole bunch and i love drawing them even more! i joined the blog because i love making people happy and im super hyped to be here!!!

Tumblr - Instagram - Deviantart

ponydoodles tag

The Theatre System (no, none of them will draw for me hdvbdhcv)

ponies w/ paws r my shit. also ill try to b canon-adjacent w/ my weird art hdxhs

gender is *muffled fluid mogai ramblings*, n im an aroace lesbian uwu

if im not thinking about pinkiedash, lovecore, or danganronpa im dead

hehe hi! im mod cottonskittles, head empty only pinkiedash, and i just like drawing for free lol,, i kin rd so im very dumb (/j im gr8), and uhhhh my art changes a lot sorry :pensive: also i rlly like to draw pinkiedash, of course hbvdsxc hope to have a fun time on the blog :3c

DA | tungler | ponydoodles tag

hiya!! I’m a new mod!! call me Bug Juice!! some facts ab me:

- I’m super ultra mega gay + ace 😎

- I keyboard smash a LOT and at this point it’s just a part of me

- I like mlp almost as much as I like jjba

- my fav mlp ship rn is Parcel Post x Braeburn and I have NO clue why HDBDND

I don’t use my main tumblr much but I do have instagram!! and a linktree!!!

(image text reads: BUG JUICE, he • him)

Ponydoodles tag

Hey guys/gals/nonbinary pals, formally Mod Techno (Now Mod Salem) here, I turned 20 recently and since I was gonna have to go into my mod page anyway to update it, I thought I might as well completely refresh it to fit me more!

★My name is Sam, you may know me from my other art accounts as Punkpride, but you can just refer to me as Mod Salem here to keep things nice and clean!

★This is my new ponysona called Salem! They’re a batpony/changeling hybrid, and due to being so, they can only transform their hoof wings/eyes/mane to different colors/shapes/styles.

★My pronouns are They/Them, He/Him, and Xey/Xem!

★I’m agender and queer. Gender? never heard of them.

★My favorite ponies are Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Lightning Dust! (I ship them all together like a maniac in my ng/in general too lol)

★I’m a piercings and punk aesthetic FANATIC

★You can find me on every platform I’m on/more about me here

★Check out my current ponydoodles art tag

★Check out old ponydoodles art tag

[image description: two drawings of my (Zoë) ponysona, Square Peg, who is a red earth pony wearing a tie dye shirt. the first drawing is large and drawn in a chalky style, and the second is small and drawn in a cartoon style. her pronouns (and mine) are she/her!]

i’m Mod Square, aka Zoë! i love mlp, emoji, and party games. my hobbies include rickrolling and using the taco bell rewards app. i play with my style a lot but i hope to always capture an air of carefree fun in my art!!!!!

ponydoodles tag | main blog | pony blog

Click for page two! ➡️

FORMER MODS

List of mods that are no longer on the blog! (Any mod that used to be a part of our blog but isn’t listed here we most likely don’t want to associate with no more)

Mod Irracat 

Mod Aurora

Mod Moon

Mod Vivi

Mod Nyxa

Mod Sketch

Mod Sang

Mod Sabbath

Mod Elf

Mod Purble

[voidselfshipp]

Stay.

(Ok to rb)

Octane tapped his foot on the carpet waiting for his taxi to arrive.

The rest legends left half an hour ago and he was stuck in his dads party.

This was defenetly not his style, sure he was all about getting recognized and have fans around him, but not this kind,

He hunched and crossed his arms when finally his taxi arrived,he hopped in almost immediatly and grabbed his phone.

Jerico got a text suddenly as she layed in bed,the LED lights bounced off her skin as she saw a movie, she was laughing when she saw the Text.

Her smile turned into frown.

"Can I crash at your place?"

"Yeah...what happened?"

Octane types out the answer but deletes it "ill tell you when I get there,be there in 10"

He first went to pick up some food,almost getting stopped by a fan but avoiding them by a split second.

He then went to jericos home.

A knock interrupted the tombstone silence in jeris house,jer opened the door,and there he was.

The taxi left behind them as tav only sighed--Hey...--he said.

Octavio hugged her tightly and jerico hugged back.

He enters the house closing the door behind him and locking it.

Both sit on the couch and take out the food from the bags.

Octane took his mask and Goggles off, and sighed-- I was at my dads party--he said, and proceeded to tell her everything that went down.

Jeri listened with a heavy heart, and hugged him tightly when he finished--i I hate being near my parents, I hate going to their parties..

--Youre always welcomed to stay--jer added caressing his cheek.

Tav leans into her hand and nodds kissing the palm of it as his own hand pressed against jericos.

--Can I stay a couple of days?...I just want to be away from the limelight...and live...calmly here

--yeah, its going to be fun having you around,this house May not be as big ad your mansion but--

He stopped her midsentence cupping her cheeks--its perfect...just like you...

Jer chuckles and kisses him, he kisses back resting his back on the couch.

Her arms go around his waist and he melts in her embrace resting his head on her shoulder.

And slowly they doze off.

--buen día amor.

The smell of food invaded the livingroom,jeri slowly sits on the couch with octane, who hands her a Plate of food and freshly brewed tea.

--Thought youd be drinking coffee

He shrugged and Turned on the TV--i want to calm down so coffee is off the list--he winked at her and she giggled putting her head on his shoulder.

As he flipped through the Channels a news Channel popped up talking about the party octanes dad threw,and an interview with his father came shortly after.

Jeris hand is on the remote and she switches to cartoons.

A smile instantly appears on octavios face and he eats his breakfast.

--Thanks for letting me stay--he said with his mout stuffed with food.

She laughed and kissed his cheek--of course id let you stay,you deserve some peace too you know?

He smiled softly--im so glad to have you in my life...I love you

Jer smiled--me too...

The rest of the day sure was something, filled with music and laughter.

Jeri was cleaning the house as tavi cooked lunch.

She wiped the sweat off her forehead as she finished cleaning and went to the kitchen.

Her arms go around tavs waist, he instantly melts and presses his back against her chest.

She presses soft kisses against his neck--amor im making lunch...

--you love em though

He snorts and nodds--Yeah...anyway its ready lets eat!

Both take the food to the bedroom and watch a movie.

Hearing octanes laughter made jerico happy,he had gone through some stuff and he really did deserve this.

Jeri also fought for the peace she has now, and being able to share it with him, the love of her life was everything shed hoped for.

The movie ended and so after Washing the dishes they went to sleep.

Octane moved his legs and kicked off the blankets,jeri wakes up when she feels him moving around the bed.

--Cant sleep?--She asks.

--si,i cant get my body to stay still!

Jeri chuckled at the irony and so did he--Alright lemme try something--She cleared her throat and caressed his hair--Wanna hear a story?--He nodded like a little kid and she giggled-- a long time ago, in a kingdom long forgotten was a prince, charming and fast, he was very nice and everyone loved him.

One day he scaped to see the market and be amongst commoners in disguise, his eyes fell on a young woman buying food,she was beautiful and had a voice soft as any other.

He approached her, and suddenly someone recognized him as the prince.

The prince freaked out thinking that the woman would be extra nice to him to get something from him as everyone had done in the past.

The woman however kept her tone as it was before and invited the prince to drink tea with her.

And so for the following month hed sneak out to be with his one true love.

One day while holding his hand he asked her, deep un thought"Why didnt you treat me like loyalty when we met?" He said"why do you treat me so well knowing who I am"

The woman laughed softly " i Fell in love with the Man here" she said pressing a hand to his chest"and not by what he had"

The prince then understood and she saw him beyond his status as heir to the throne,she saw him by who he was truly, and loved him for it-- octane smiled kissing her.

--something tells me its you reminding me that you love me for who I am and not a bedtime story

--Mayyyybe...

Octavio snuggled closer to her and fell asleep in her arms.

The weeks went on and on, he had been missing from his social media for months.

One morning jerico was watching the news.

"The famous apex legend Octane has been found missing in his social media for months and his fans are panicked" the reporter said.

--hey amor?--jeri asked as Octavio sat besides her--i think you should tell your fans you okay

Stuffing his face with food he looked at her--Why?

She then signaled at the TV,he read the headline and nodded--oh shit,I should tell em, you want to appear with me?pleease?

She nodded kissing his cheek.

After eating breakfast they went to change and get into semi respectable clothes,just so they wouldnt appear on their cheesy pjs with cute animals and food stamped all over it.

--Hey guys Wassup!--octane said at his phones camera--just popped Back in for a bit to tell y'all ive been alright, just went off the radar for a bit!, but oh oh you wouldnt guess where im staying at!--The camera was at a slight angle so jerico couldnt be seen.

He them moved his phone to show jerico against his chest with a smiles--thats right ive been at my partners house!, isnt she the cutest?--jer hid her face on his chest with baby Pink cheeks muttering a soft "hiii!"--anyway Guys dont worry, as soon as I feel better ill be back!, for now peace!--his hand covered the camera and he stopped recording,uploading it to all his social media and then leaving his phone on the nightstand.

They changed back into their pjs and sat on the bed ready to watch more movies and spend Time togheter

She always made him feel loved and special,and life with her was easier.

When their eyes meet the world seems softer,and now they were in their own world of comfort.

Eventually hed had to return to his life as octane, but right now he was Octavio Silva,a Man who loved being with his partner, and was happy with them.

For once he could be himself,and have someone who loved him for it

[justdyingslowly]

1. Name justdyingslowly obviously come on

2. Nationality Australian

3. Age 22

4. Birthday nnnah dont feel like it

5. Zodiac sign (or your primal zodiac sign) Libra/Scorpio cusp

6. Gender wamon

7. Sexuality very very hetero

8. Your looks (add a picture or describe yourself) androgenous

9. What do you/did you study? Psychology (focus on sexology) and art.

10. What’s your current job like?/What job would you like to have? I am disabled you think I can work ha sexologist would be awesome. When I was a kid I wanted to be a fireman but Australias always burning

-

11. Your birth order head first

12. How many siblings do you have? 1

13. Do you have good relations with your family? yeah dads finally out of his abusive relationship, nearing age 70 and his emotions and his sexuality are finally opening up for the first time and that makes me SO happy.

14. How many friends do you have? what kind of fucked up question is this.

15. Your relationship status relationshipped. Fiance? got the marriage papers in a drawer somewhere with the car rego but can’t be fucked filling them?

16. What do you look for in a SO? empathetic, mature, calm. Always open to discussion. Prefers to be blunt rather than secretive. Emotional age over 14 (incredibly fucking rare apparently). Puts an importance on context and understanding other views above all else.

17. Do you have a crush? Hellll yeah Crush on my partner and got a crush on a mutual friend of ours who don’t even know hes cute af hehe one day partners gonna accidentally spill the beans and embarrass me coz hes shit with secrets RIP me.

18. When did you have your first kiss? You think I can remember this bullshit? Its not that big a deal

19. Do you prefer serious and meaningful relationships or casual dating/one night stands? One night stand sex almost exclusively sucks. Just. SUCKS. Because neither of you know what the other likes and it ends up being an awkward mix of trying to please yourself while trying to also be considerate.

20. What are your deal breakers? Plugging your ears to anything that feels gross, uncomfortable or disagrees with you. How can you grow as a person without introspection? How can you mold what you think and believe without taking in other arguments and comparing them to your beliefs to see how they stack up? Its pathetic.

-

21. How was your day? cute mutual friend had a fall this morning and were both worried about him. His back is bad and he’s getting a little older, he can’t be getting dizzy and having falls like that. other than that im anxious about seeing my gastro. He’s lovely but... specialists are specialists. Good at knowing what they know but not always great at listening.

22. Favourite food & drink you think im allowed to eat or drink? water and... foods a touchy subject.

23. What position do you sleep in? Usually on my side with a body pillow to grip so I don’t end up choking my partner in his sleep.

24. What was your last dream about? uuhhh...going to italy and being unable to get into this tiny basket boat properly.

25. Your fears does PTSD to medical shit count haha

26. Your dreams ... going to italy and being unable to get into a tiny basket boat thingy?

27. Your goals - get some sort of diagnosis eventually. Its been 3 years of trying and im tired. - get back to studying art part time for my bachelors. - pass JLPT N3. - go back to university for psychology. - do the dishes when I get home.

28. Any pets? two budgies. we also take care of any orphaned or injured birds.

29. What are your hobbies? feeling nauseous drawing writing a little bit im making a little gameboy game in C atm too

30. Any cool places in your area? i live next to a national park with waterfalls and koalas and emus and stuff

31. What was your last awkward situation? mutual friend made a comment on his chest i playfully smacked it (related to the comment) it was surprisingly hard “O-oh wow, thats... I didnt expect that” my partner laughed at me. it was awful.

32. What is your last regret? getting embarrassed at friends pecs stop making me think about it 33. Language/s you can speak english. N4 Japanese.

34. Do you believe in astrological stuff? (Zodiac, tarot, etc.) of course not what the fuck

35. Have any quirks? Quirkless. I do wiggle when im happy though apparently.

36. Your pet peeves open doors.

37. Ideal vacation spend a months chilling in an old japanese house in autumn hokkaido oooooof that sounds nice

38. Any scars? internal? yes

39. What does your last text message say? peepee poopoo ustinky

40. Last 5 things from your search history how do i find this

41. What’s your [device] background? Sam Porter Bridges walkin around Sam Porter Bridges cuddling BB-28 Louise while he sleeps my chicken

42. What do you daydream about? all might

43. Describe your dream home an old japanese house in autumn hokkaido oooooof that sounds nice

44. What’s your religion/Your thought about religion its a comforting thought having a parent-figure who cares about you and looks after all the big things you can’t manage yourself, but institutionalizing it runs a severe risk of becoming harmful cults. And it often does.

45. Your personality type me

46. The most dangerous thing you’ve done i saw the lost bunny that was on all the posters in the neighbourhood looked thin and patchy so i grabbed him to take him home. im allergic. sent me to hospital and I almost died.

47. Are you happy with your current life? feeling sick sucks and partners having a depressive episode but things are pretty good

48. Some things you’ve tried in your life living

-

49. What does your wardrobe consist of? blacks, reds, whites and pinks

50. Favourite colour to wear? at the moment pink. Red is always comforting though.

51. How would you describe your style? mix between lazy alternative punk, teenager with band shirts and harajuku peach kawaii uwu

52. Are you happy with your current looks? kinda wish i was a bit shorter but what can you do

53. If you could change/add something to your appearance - impossible or not - what would it be? bit shorter

54. Any tattoos or piercings? lol no PTSD

55. Do you get complimented often? by who? partner constantly, family haha are you kidding im australian so a friend’s version of showing affection is calling you a cunt and slapping your ass in public

56. Favourite aesthetic? all might

57. A popular trend that you dislike blocking because you disagree or find them distasteful. Ignoring all context to opposing thoughts and arguments. taking a personal feeling of disgust to mean something is evil. Blocking your ears to anything that isn’t a circlejerk of what you already think - and trying to isolate anyone who even just listens to something other then the noise of your sloppy dicks to have a thought of their own.

-

58. Songs you’re currently obsessed with? The Machine by Low Roar

59. Song you normally wouldn’t admit you like. why wouldnt i admit i like a song

60. Favourite genre? probably enka haha

61. Favourite artist/band/genre? probably enka haha oh and tatsuro yamashita

62. Hated popular songs/artists? why the hell would I hate something like a song? I hate aspects of the music industry as a whole I guess?

63. Put your music on shuffle and list first 5 which playlist they aren’t all together in one place

64. Can you sing or play any instruments? piano, saxophone... uh... partners good at making music and playing shakuhachi

65. Do you like karaoke? no.

66. Own any albums? yes? many?

67. Do you listen to radio? What stations? no. but triple J, ABC Jazz and Classical. sometimes they even play final fantasy and JRPG music on classical which is pretty neat. -

68. Favourite movie/series? can i make this about games because then the answer is Metal Gear Solid

69. Favourite genre of movies/books/etc ...shounen?

70. Your fictional crush/es if they’re over 40yrs old, male and happy and bubbily or grumpy and sad then there’s a big ol fat chance I wanna bone. Solid Snake from MGS4, All Might and pretty much anyone drawn by Tarou Madoromi.

71. Which fictional character is you? uh

72. Are you a shipper? List your otps, if so what does this even mean what language is this

73. Favourite greek god? idk hades seems chill

74. A legend from where you live that you like the story of Tjilbruke is funny and good. all Kaurna stories are good.

75. Do you like art? What’s your favourite work or artist? im in a big egon schiele mood atm.

76. Can you share your other social media? no i am incapable

77. Favourite youtubers? many

78. Favourite platform? not too high up. actually i like being a little lower than ground level in corners.

79. How much time do you spend on the internet? too much

80. What video games have you played? Which one’s your favourite? look i just want to say that MGS4 is the best one in the series and Death Stranding is phenomenally engaging.

81. Your favourite books (manga also counts) these are all so goddamn definitive how can I pick? Oh wait the answer is One Piece

82. Do you play board/card games? I play DnD atm and know 15 yr old rules to Yugioh

83. Have you ever been to a night marathon in cinema? that shit dosn’t happen here

84. Favourite holiday golden week coz its a week also easter because thats when all the glucose based sweets come back

85. Are you into dramas? what kind

-

86. Would you use death note, if you had one? no. thats called being a murderer.

87. What changes would you make in the world, no matter how impossible, if you had the power to? chill people out a bit. when people feel unsafe they get really depenfive and territorial and block their ears to everything, making in-and-out groups for themsevles that end up putting them in more harm.

88. Could you survive a zombie apocalypse? im disabled with a disabled partner. we arent funny sure we can survive normal everyday life when society is angled so sharply against us.

89. If you had to be turned into a paranormal being, what would it be? id like to be a mimi spirit

90. What would you want to happen to you after your death? spooky time

91. If you had to change your name, what would be your pick? toshinori yagi

92. Who would you switch your life with for a week? anyone healthy

93. Pick an emoji to be your tattoo that cursed one with the intense eyes and the hand

94. Write 3 things about yourself - only one of them must be true im me im not me im pee

-

95. Cold or hot? cold.

96. Be a hero or be a villain? both are distasteful ideas in reality

97. Sing everything you want to say or rhyme? i can’t do either partner speak sin bad puns and its hell, these both sound about equal

98. Shapeshifting or controlling time? shapeshifting. controlling time is eithe rmanipulative or lonely. shapeshifing is every other superpower at once.

99. Be immortal or be immune to everything aside from natural death? both are deeply upsetting ideas

100. ….. or …..? jiji or ossan? generally Jiji, but ossans can be lovely too.

[mxbitters]

Why is it like one second its fine i can just pretend to be a girl forever its f i n e. And then the other its like i need these tits GONE i hate this why do i still have long hair it needs to go i look too feminine this is a nightmare. And then like a day later im like nah this is fine gender never heard of her im just some non entity who cares how i look anyway. Like id still prefer to also look the part but it doesnt really matter. Wtf is going on??

hey, i hope you don’t mind me posting this!

to begin, i want you to know that i’m glad you told me because talking to someone when you’re going through this kind of thing is incredibly important.

i know that spot you’re in all too well, hell i’m still in it when it comes to my extended family. i know that hurt trying to live your truth when the entire world is caving in on you and not letting you. aside for school and my circle of friends and social media it still happens to me a lot. my dad still treats me like a girl, deadnames me regularly and then wonders why our relationship is so strained. my mom never uses my full name and never refers to me with pronouns. she thinks i don’t notice but i do, all the time. and i’m still not out to my extended family. it’s hard to have to pretend.

that being said i know that with dysphoria and everything that comes with it, it can be so isolating and in this day and age, you really don’t want to be in that spot. but i also want you to know you have me and an entire community who knows what you’re going through. you are not alone.

you can feel free to message me if you need somebody to talk to, but i’m also going to share some hotlines with you for if things get really bad. they’re completely anonymous and i’ll also let you know if there are options for texting or online chat because i know phone calls can be really intimidating. when i was struggling really bad with dysphoria, depression, etc., i used one of these and i’ve heard really good things about the others.

the trevor project- (866)488-7386

hotline for lgbt+ youth in crisis. they also have an instant messaging service at https://www.thetrevorproject.org

national suicide prevention lifeline*- (800) 273-8255

there’s a chat option here https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/

crisis text line- text “START” to 741-741

i can attest to you personally that this one works, it’s helped me a lot and can provide you with really helpful resources

the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender national hotline- (888)843-4564

the glbt national youth talkline*- (800)246-7743

you can also contact them through emailing HELP@LGBThotline.org

———

i know things are rough but i hope you’re able to have a nice day today. take care of yourself, friend 🖤

[taylornock]

how cell phones made our lives better while simultaneously ruining them

hi fam!! it’s me, again. are you tired of hearing from me? me too. that’s why I’m here to rant about social media / phone / technology. bc i hate it… but in a loving way???

everyone remembers when they got their first iPhone. seriously. why is that such a monumental moment in our lives? i can hardly remember what i felt like freshman year of high school but can pinpoint the feeling of sheer glee unwrapping my iPhone 6 in eighth grade. i have this thing that is attached to me 24/7 - when I go anywhere (even downstairs) without my phone i feel weird. that is f***ing SAD! PATHETIC. i hate feeling that dependent on what is essentially a pocket robot.

for what it’s worth - phones have done INCREDIBLE things for the world as we know it. for example, this quarantine shit has been testing all of us; and our phones are helping us get through it in so many ways. our phones let us see the faces of those loved ones we are missing, our phones provide us with stupid tik tok content to keep everything light hearted, and our phones let us check in on each other. all amazing things! when we are at school, we have instant access to our lives at home . being able to call my mom whenever i want is something i definitely abuse. “mom, I’m on my way home from Thompson right now and i think i have a brain aneurysm but my bio final is at 11am tomorrow will i make it” … an actual conversation i had with my mom at the end of freshman year. needless to say i was medicated shortly after THAT meltdown. I am such a brat that i don’t know what i would do if i couldn’t text my dad and have him immediately get me the password again to our Uverse account…… god forbid i miss an episode of the bachelor. i have this phone, and that’s what i do with it? abuse its powers to ask my parents for medical advice or a password i forgot? have we lost sight of everything here?

throughout life and especially throughout quarantine… my phone is the definition of a possession that is a blessing and a curse. I’m so grateful to have the ability to bother my friends - whenever i want! the options are endless! i love keeping in touch with people i thought id never hear from again, and being able to talk to so many people in my life and make my heart swell. now, when a conversation with someone other than my two roommates (shoutout parents) is so rare ⎯ that phone is my weapon and i use it to help flatten the curve: flatten the curve of covid19 and flatten the curve of my mental illness 🙃 [humor is a coping mechanism okay let me live] but like, i KNOW i’m not the only one that looks at my screen time and immediately wants to die. how can i honestly be looking at my phone for that long? picking it up THAT many times?????? my phone is the best distraction and also the most toxic - it makes me feel better but has a tendency to bring up all my issues and blast them into the reflection of my blue light glasses...... its called fashion look it up.

to give some examples - let’s open up my most used app: snapchat. I go on snapchat with the best of intentions - to see a memory from a year ago that makes me smile. to respond to my friends and see what their mood today is based on the look on their face. to creep on snap stories and see what everyone’s cooking and doing with their lives. somehow, tho, after spending a few minutes on the app.. i end up with a pit in my stomach most of the time. the person i want to respond hasn’t responded in 4 hours. oh god lets overthink this- they don’t like me anymore and are no longer interested in speaking to me and only respond every once in a while out of pity or because they are uncomfortable. everyone hates you. oh and GOD FORBID someone leaves me on open??! I am not funny nor interesting nor worth a reply - suddenly, i have equated my value to receiving or not receiving a photo of someone’s blank stare. this is extreme, and this is dramatic. but trust me —— this is the hamster wheel always turning in my head. I’m not even going to touch on snap maps; that feature is pandoras box and someone better fucking shut it.

second most used app is instagram. i scroll for hours, i have time limits set for the app acting like i’m actually going to listen to them and get off. lmaooooooooo. i love looking at aesthetic stuff and dogs and food and recipes and my friends’ beautiful faces. but you know what i don’t like? constant nudges to compare myself to others. oh look at her having a party with all of her friends even though we aren’t supposed to be. am i a loser for trying to be safe? oh look at her washboard abs, i’m never going to look like that and will never live up to the standard of beauty society has set for me. look at all of these people in their happy relationships. why can’t i have that? it goes over and over and over. its not like i sit there and think of these things just like that, its a precedent in my mind when i stare at everybody else that i am going to size my own life up against theirs. for years i followed every single elite model / VS angel on instagram to motivate me to do better - to start being psycho about what i did to my body so i could be as gorgeous as them. what kind of fucked up mindset is that? i would literally watch their footage of them eating rice and vegetables once a day and try to copy it. i would watch their runway walks obsessively trying to recreate them in heels alone in my house - like that was all i could imagine doing with my life. did i ever stop for a second to look at that photoshoot of gigi hadid and wonder if she was happy? wonder if the constant pictures she saw of herself ever made her insecure? what was i doing? the day i unfollowed those girls was a monumental day in my journey to a better self image. i didn’t realize the people i thought were my “motivators” were actually my triggers. i have grown to a point in life now that i would much rather eat a stack of chocolate chip pancakes that make me dance in my chair like an infant than practice my runway walk and shame my body in the mirror. and i am so freakin happy! 

i could go app by app for hours. but moving on to the next thing i hate about cell phones - how they have destroyed our biological methods of communication. you hear about those psychos who think the world is destroyed by technology and we are going to be overrun by robots. but hey, I’m with the psychos on this one. i have this amazing friend, Trevor Wright, who without fail at EVERY dinner announces “phones off friends on” and collects our phones into the center of the table. yes, we are 20 year old adults. yes, we hand our phones over to Trevor and let him yell at us for trying to see if ~that person~ snap chatted us back. i have so much respect for him because of this. there is nothing worse than staring at your phones when you could be having a good conversation about life, about love, about laughter + memories, about “do you think hellen keller is real?” anything, bro, anything. anything but snapchat messaging your hoe of the week or mindlessly playing tetris to twiddle your thumbs. we all need to start loving a little harder, and the first step to doing that is to communicate better. communicate smarter. I’m guilty of alllll of the above, don’t get me wrong. and I am ADD asf and constantly playing mindless games just to stimulate my brain. but i need to stop that! even writing this is taking some time away from the dumb shit on my phone - and encouraging me to communicate how i     r e a l l y   feel to my homies that will read this. communication - especially body language - is fascinating. I’ve studied it in  psych, I’ve learned the neurological bases of behavior and why we do what we do. I’ve learned how much our life experience impacts who we are as a whole...and it! is! fascinating! i also think that’s why i love film so much. because it can capture the raw moments of your friends just being your friends, of you just being the person you are, and the world around you just existing as it exists. i love the raw moments; and not just because indy blue posted one youtube video of her slow mo laughing and now thats the only footage i find myself shooting. 😚

im not quite sure what this post is, lol. but - just a rant on technology. so listen to me:

take advantage of technology + social media! it CAN BE GREAT. for so many reasons. but, don’t let technology + social media TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU. stay true to you - know how to communicate with yourself and your loved ones without the use of a robot. remember that feeling when you setup up your first iPhone? imagine if you could feel that again, with your phone nowhere in sight. if you don’t know how to communicate with yourself yet, start by journaling. WRITE! TYPE! SPEAK! do what you want. getting your thoughts down even without an audience is so crucial to understanding yourself and others. if you don’t like to write, reflect. breathe. meditate. make art. do what makes you feel at peace, and do whatever makes you feel like the world makes a little bit more sense than it does. 

IF YOU ARE READING DOWN TO HERE, I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU, SAY IT BACK! LIFE IS A FUCKING HIGHWAY. AND IM SO GLAD YOU’RE ON MY INTERSTATE. <3

xoxoxoxo

gossip girl

[official-rugi]

Whew, Okay, This took longer than I expected. But HEY PART 1 of my Fantroll Appreciation project is done!! I... so like i recently hit over 800 followers and like I cant thank you all enough for following me and supporting, so like I wanted to make a project where Im like showin my thanks? So im doing this across all my social media, so this Is my Tumblr edition (But ill be posting the other versions here too when they finish dont worry ;D) Imma put the rest of the text under a readmore

But like I wanna tank and shout out some specific people, cause dang I look up to so many of you, imma do this by fantrolls owner from Left to right~

@jordanenthusiast - DUde your fantrolls are so cool and you have so many, with so many unique and cool designs, and your linework and your art is just like stunning, and like thanks for all your positivity dude, like Id love to talk to you about fantrolls sometime, so like feel free to hit me up at some point > u < /

@nikodavisartwork -  Thanks for drawing art of my kid, like dfl;sdfsd dude for real your art is really cool, and Like i havent gotten a chance to participate in one of your streams yet, but like Im really lookin forward to when I can, also like I dont draw animals that i post, but like I always look to your art when i try in my sketchbook, like your a rad artist, and like i really dig your fantrolls too :DDD @clock-heart - Man, like, dude, thanks for being my friend, like sdlflsakjldlk man your art is so incredible and like you are like a huge inspiration for me!! RUsset is like a huge fav of mine, and like what a good kid, but like all of your fantrolls are cool, and the AU your working on is deep and really interesting, (sorry i like dont reach out as often as i prolly should) but like thanks dude for sharing your art with me and like being a dope friend, its a real honor :Dc @lightingupthereef - First I just wanna say, that i am SO SORRY it has taken me this long to draw your kid, like I ve been meaning to since the first time tyhat you drew hoifur, but NO LONGER!! YOur art is so soft and gorgeous, like I love the colors you pick for your pieces, and like drawing your kid was so much fun and i hope i can do it again!! LIke also i wanna know more about them so imma have to really start digging through your blog for them, thank you again so much for drawing Hoifur, it really means a lot to me >:3c @gem-fanatic -DUde, Gem, like words cant possibly state how much I love  the kids you share with me, Like with each new kid my heart literally grows a little bigger, Im so excited to try and learn more about them. You like have been a really good friend, and im so sorry that i like dont reach out more but like your friendship means a lot, so like thanks for sticking around :’) and like letting me draw your kids, cause its an honor my dude

[bogkeep]

hi i saw your post abt self harm on the internet and i was wondering if you could expand on that!! im not sure i get entirely your point or what you would consider discourse in in regards to that and id genuinely like to understand what u mean because im not sure im looking at this through the right lense

okay, i’m going to make an attempt! i can tell from the tags people write that a lot of people relate or understand what i mean, but if you don’t? that’s okay, and maybe good even, especially if it means you’re taking good care of yourself.

so what i mean is like… when you do something; when you open a social media site or look something up, what will you get out of it? what’s the input going to your head and heart? how will it make you feel? and this isn’t a rhetoric question like “obviously it will make you feel bad” because there’s a lot of good things on the internet - interacting with friends and acquaintances, learning things and sharing perspectives, looking at art and getting inspired, looking at cute cat pictures, etc. we have so much information and media at our fingertips’ reach!! and it’s a double edged sword. because you can like inject all these good things directly into your brain, but you can ALSO inject a lot of bad things into your brain, too. like it’s really easy to look up things that trigger you in any way, and sometimes you might not even know something is triggering you. i don’t know if you’ve ever had that like, curiousity to check something out that you’re better off not knowing, but you do it anyway, because you CAN so why NOT. because we can!!! we can access everything so easily!! like people twenty years ago could not look up their exes on five different social medias and keep up with their lives. it’s wild how we can know what’s happening basically all over the world pretty much the instance it happens. having to care about the fate of the entire world is some superhero angst shit. you’re just one person and you’re alive and you’re going to like, be here for a while, so please take some deep breaths ya feel. but also the world is in a pretty dreary state right now so like. it’s rough. it really is!

and i’m not saying we should all avoid everything that hurts us all the time and put ourselves in bubbles or anything. hurt is gonna happen. the world is gonna be rough. but also, set boundaries for yourself. DON’T look up your exes. you don’t HAVE to know all the news constantly, and you’re not a bad person for taking a break to live your life. if you struggle with body image, looking at heavily curated and edited instagram selfies and comparing yourself to it is really just hurting yourself over and over. so i am specifically talking about the boundaries you hold to *yourself*. just because we CAN do anything and keep up with everything, it’s not…. a good thing to do. there’s just TOO much. a lot of the time i hear people condemn entire sites like twitter or tumblr for being toxic cesspools where only X and Y happens, and like, yeah, some of these criticisms are valid, but it’s also ENTIRELY possible to curate your internet experience. unfollow blogs that stress you out or circulate content or comments you find toxic or don’t like the attitude of. blacklist tags. etc. it’s easy to feel like there’s only this or that kind of blogs out there, but that’s not true. the internet is so full of different people, and there’s bound to be content out there that will make you happier if you need it.

so, in regards to discourse, i’m not referring to a certain discourse - i’ve been on tumblr for what, six years now? discussions come and go, and a lot of the time there’s been a lot of genuinely constructive conversations and discussions! but a lot of discussions out here seem to evolve into something much less constructive. some discussions just don’t GO anywhere, neither side actually wants to listen or change their opinion, people forget there’s another human being on the other side, and it’s just… at some point it’s like people forget what they’re trying to ACHIEVE by doing what they’re doing. some people are just taking out their anger and frustration on the internet. there’s a lot of infighting between marginalized groups - especially the lgbtq+ community, because we’re all hurting and scared and have so many life experiences from all around the world, a lot of us are really young, and it’s. it’s hard! it’s so hard sometimes. and the thing is, a lot of the discourse on internet becomes like, layers upon layers, and what makes sense when you’re on five layers on tumblr is NOT necessarily applicable in real life. sometimes it like… becomes the equivalent of an academic text where you have to go through an education to even understand the terms that are being used. like, personally? sometimes i see discussions i don’t have the heart to partake in myself anymore, and i don’t understand what’s being said at all. and honestly that’s such a relief to me. that’s not to say partaking in discussions is inherently bad! it can be really good! but for me, i can’t do it anymore. my personal experience was trying to act in good faith and be open to learn and change and i kept replying to someone who refused to listen to anything i said, and instead kept attacking me. it was like repeatedly flinging myself against a wall. the impulse to have a constructive discussion with everyone who disagrees with me on my own post is *there*, but it’s not worth it for me, because the stress and time and energy i inflict on myself for the sake of a complete stranger who does NOT have my best interests at heart…. yeah. no. consider if you *really* need to die on that hill. it’s okay to walk away.i don’t know if this will help or if it’s still too nebulous. it’s mostly about what choices you make and considering what you’re trying to achieve, and whether your actions are actually reflecting that, or if you’re just causing yourself pain and frustration. the concept of emotional self harm (especially through internet) has been put forth by several people, but some sources that have like, helped me formulate this whole thing has been- contrapoints video about incels - the podcast ‘just break up’- the podcast ‘conversations with people who hate me’