#this is so funny to me. mumbo and grian have just had one of the weirdest interactions of their friendship and they’re probably going to try

[alien-enjoyer]

most popular headcanon for impulse: demon / imp of some variety

what demons are famous for: soul dealing (among other things of course but this is the relevant one)

question: did impulse sense/notice something going on when mumbo and grian did the soul thing in hc8?

follow up question: what was his reaction?

[infizero]

why isgrian shipping the warden and the wither

[seenoweevil]

I know very little about YouTube minecraft at this point in my life so I had no idea that hermitcraft co. and the dream smp squad have interacted.

Watching the clips were grian and mumbo specifically have to hold themselves back from letting on just how much destain they hold toward those punks is really really funny

[theminecraftbee]

Scar does Grian the favor of waiting until he's alone. They aren't teamed this season, after all, and it sounds like Grian's been in and out of hot water with Mumbo already. Really, just really typical of Grian, Scar has to say. The general apparent disregard for his teammates--

--The fact that the session ended just before Scar could die again. The fact Scar's heard through the grapevine that Grian bent the rules of being unable to tell anyone the wild card because Mumbo had been about to die. Annoyingly, frustratingly typical. Honestly, Scar can't say he's sorry they aren't teamed, but when he'd seen Grian at the end of the session, something almost shell-shocked beneath the glee at the chaos the snails had caused, well.

Scar waits until they're alone, Grian with his knees against his chest, staring at the sky, and says: "I know what you're doing, Grian."

"Huh? Oh, hey Scar. Doing? Me? I mean, sure, I thought the evil snails were funny, but I'm hardly doing anything once I make a twist, right?"

Scar gives Grian a look.

Grian sighs. "I mean, it solves the problem Secret Life had. The twists are really impactful now. They're the main thing this whole game is about."

"Yeah, they are! We basically haven't had to kill each other at all, have we?" Scar says. "I mean, we've barely had any time to get paranoid, to start to mistrust each other, to decide there's nothing else to be done... In fact, there's really only one person anyone would mistrust for this one."

Grian falls silent.

"I'm just saying, I know what you're doing. It's a good try," Scar says.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Grian says. "I just think snails that kill people are funny. So funny I'm willing to kill my friends about it. Everyone knows, right? That's just the kind of guy I am."

"You weren't willing to kill--"

"It was time," Grian says, and before Scar can try to point out the ways that making the world want to kill them is so, so much kinder than waiting for them to kill each other, Grian leaves.

Typical.

What an infuriating man.

Scar shakes his head and starts the walk back to his base. He feels for Mumbo and Skizz, he really does.

[funkyplantguy]

OOH OOH, Mumbo putting the big ol' bootycheeks on the Cub billboard and then stepping back and looking at his work and feeling kinda 😳‼ about it

CACKLED OUT LOUD READING THIS ASK AND IMMEDIATELY SCREENSHOTTED IT TO SEND TO TWO OF MY FRIENDS. anyway, here's...uh...this! -

"hiya, mumbo, what doin?" "studying." "studying...what?" "cub's ass." "...i'm sorry, what?"

mumbo turned to face the avian, folding his spyglass in on itself with a clean, satisfying schwick. honestly, grian sounded much more confused about all of this than he had any right to be - it wasn't as if he didn't do the same thing with scar. arguably, what mumbo was doing (standing at a respectable distance, using his spyglass to peer into the strange labrynth cub was currently navigating) was much better than what grian did when he was bored. he was going to give scar a heart attack, one of these days, with his propensity for perching in trees and dive-bombing the man the second he stepped within range. so, really - grian had no ground to stand on, not with this. "cub's ass," he repeated, "don't act like you don't watch scar build for hours just on the off-chance that he'll take his shirt off" "that's different," grian grumbled, swinging so that he was hanging upside-down off of the branch he'd previously been perched on. "we've been together for years. it'd be weird if i didn't want to see him naked. cub, on the other hand...i didn't know you liked him like that." "oh, i don't," mumbo dismissed (ignoring the way his heart skipped a beat in his chest at the suggestion), "i'm just bored. and someone needs to finish that sign you put up." "sign?" grian asked, peering owlishly at him. "which...oh, the one in the shopping district?" "mmhm. i should have known you wouldn't do the back - but no fuss, i'll handle it." "i...the back? mumbo, what do you mean? it's a billboard, it doesn't need a back." mumbo chuckled lightly to himself, sliding the spyglass into the pocket of his slacks. ah, grian - always skirting around the issue at hand. typical. "i - hey, don't walk away from me - what do you mean, it needs a back? what are you going to add to it? mumbo? mumbo?" a few hours later, grian had his answer. and mumbo could tell that he was impressed (if the wide, round eyes and gaping mouth mumbo was met with as he glided down from the back of the sign meant anything). scar, on the other hand... "no way!" the shirtless man shrieked, from where he was sprawled out on the grass next to his partner. "you gave him an ass! you gave cub an ass! this is great! oh - mumbo, you've really outdone yourself with this one." "mumbo," grian interjected, glaring down at scar with a look that screamed don't encourage him! "what the fuck." "what do you mean? the sign needed a back. i added one. it's simple, really." "oh man. grian - grian, this guy's down so bad. it's so funny - i should tell cub. i should tell cub - can i tell cub? please? please can i tell cub?" "no, scar, you cannot tell cub - mumbo. mumbo, are you sure you don't fancy cub? i mean...you just spent two hours recreating his ass, for goodness sake!" mumbo hummed to himself, turning to survey the sign behind him and...oh, goodness, he'd given cub a bbl. did cub's ass really look like that? it had to - he'd studied it for hours, diligently, so he could get it just right...maybe he'd remembered it incorrectly? maybe he'd need to go back to the source to examine it just a bit further...

oh. oh.

yeah, okay. maybe he understood where grian was coming from. "hey guys - oh, hey, mumbo. did you...is that an ass?" "yes." "huh. nice. good job." "thanks, cub."

[russetfoxfur]

mcyt is NOT beating the criminal allegations

- mumbo did season eight which. ah. produced the wonderful quote: "My parents are still alive... but that can be changed."

- cub eats people

- bad is a cannibal. this is different from eating people, according to my irl. do i want to know

- fit was on 2b2t

- wilbur blew up a country and killed a buncha people

- phil blew up that country too (apparently)

- scar. ah. scar did monopoly mountain and things went downhill from there

- dont even get me started on gem. she started the whole secret life apocalypse. she killed etho at least sixteen times. she is on tumblr which means tango is scared of her AS HE SHOULD BE

- sausage had that whole esmp s1 evil thing. classifying this as sausage because i watched an episode of gem's where he appeared and nothing else and don't actually watch esmp except through osmosis

- didnt joe hills kill a bunch of dogs in s7

- etho ALSO kills people but BADLY (scar boogie kill)

- dream

- *eyeing zedaph's chamber suspiciously* this violates AT LEAST one scientific law or something

- grian. grian my beloved. why are you like this

- jaiden decimated the environment of teyvat

- see lizzie is like her husband. unhinged. shes just bad at surviving so no one gets to see it

- jimmy is like lizzie but more popular for it

- tango is a war criminal but he also makes funny sounds while he commits crimes so i think that negates the whole crimes thing

- while we're at it. all the lifers are criminals EXCEPT SKIZZ EXCEPT SKIZZ EXCEPT SKIZZ

- xisuma boils chicken and eats kiwi skin. worst offense on this list by far

- gem gets a second place on this list because why not. she deserves it

- bdubs bites ankles. probably

- martyn brought the watchers to the life smp which is bad in and of itself. also the Assigned Criminal At Life Series thing

- cherrifire gets an honorary spot on this list mostly because she SHOULD be able to bite ankles. due to aforementioned martyn

anyways please tag w other crimes our blorbos have commited. cheers <3

EDIT: I will be adding more crimes now

- keralis was a capitalist in s7 who bought. rotten flesh. for 128 diamonds. truly exemplifying a billionaire there. dont worry dont worry. hes not a capitalist anymore....but he was once

- pearl poisons people and then has her dogs bite you. reasonable

- cleo does arson. she also kills people. but she does this a lot so it also negates the crimes

- don't mess with forgelabs

- ren has become a dictator at least twice. likes bloodshed. also treebark counts for all the anguish it causes everyone. also also ACALS (assigned criminal at life series)

ALSO if anyone is going to yell at me for fit being on 2b2t. i do not watch him. he is only here because my mcyt irls go insane about him. like all the time. in fact i don't watch qsmp or dsmp but theyre popular enough i know a bit about them. <3

[whereispearlescentmoon]

Great points of today’s Pearl ep (a recap of my freak-outs, some of which will be getting their own posts)-

Exclusively spoilers below this line:

Cleo asking Pearl if she’s okay and Scott offering her a life if she goes red. Pearl defending herself when Scott says she keeps making enemies.

Cleo enabling Pearl and Scott trying to stop her. The eventual agreement that she can kill Gem or Joel if negotiations don’t work.

Never did I think I’d see the day but Gem attacking Pearl and Cleo responding with “She’s not done anything to you Gem!” And defending her? My neurons are firing lads.

Scar asking Pearl if shes okay?

BigB is officially fired from the GGGG, and the world possible person (Cleo) caught him doing it.

Impulse trying to do a British woman voice and failing so hard that Cleo fails to recognize her own quote.

Pearl catching Skizz and Mumbo like vermin under their base. Mumbo trying to convince her that her teammates don’t really love her because they won’t give her a life and trying to get her to betray them so she won’t snitch that Skizz is under their base. AND SHE DOES BETRAY THEM?? HELLO?

Bonus Imp and Skizz podcast except Mumbo and Pearl are Impulse in order to keep Mumbo and Skizz’ vid from being just them sneaking.

Ren wanting to kill Grian because he’s the one causing them all their pain and recruiting Pearl, Scar, and BigB… Watcher fans come get yall juice.

JOEL ALSO ASSUMING PEARL’S TEAM DUMPED HER?? Her referring to the parrots as “the canaries” and actually getting the fast and furious reference which does automatically put her in Joel’s good graces.

Mumbo and Skizz immediately sighing after they fail to kill the people coming to visit Pearl. Pearl then getting Mumbo and Skizz to reassure her that she has been making friends and her teammates are wrong.

Scott silently leading her away and telling her that Mumbo is under their base, and Pearl pretending she had no idea anyone was there and she’s been building the whole time. Mumbo lying for her???? Hello?? Mumbo trying to offer Scott the same deal he gave Pearl and Scott refusing?

“Ya know, I have no reason to go against Scott this season. I just think it’s funny. And that’s what I do every season! I do a little fun, I have a little glee, I have a little laugh and it’s, I dunno. But if you make a bunch of allies then nobody wants to kill you right? Right.”

MOON FAST! “You go moon! Look at that cousin in the sky!”

“I knew tnt minecarts were a bad idea. That’s why I don’t touch them with a ten foot pole.” VIOLENT LIMITED LIFE FLASHBACK

Pearl wanting her team’s approval of the base! Cleo calling her very talented!

This moment:

Martyn: Come on, let red Pearl out to play!

Pearl: No, look as much as she would love to, it’s too early for red Pearl. She can stay where she is.

Gem and Pearl getting along for a brief moment to watch the boys be stupid.

Pearl telling Scott not to trust BigB and Cleo saying BigB is working with the devils… Nosey Neighbor fans weep, Pearl and Cleo duo (I don’t know their name) fans cheer

PEARL SHOOTING BIGB WHILE CLEO CHEERS HER ON!!! NOSEY NEIGHBOR FANS WEEP PEARL AND CLEO DUO FANS CHEER

Pearl shooting Martyn?? Oh she’s got blood lust now!

“I’m in me mum’s car!”

Pearl, Tango, and Bdubs just watching the chaos and refusing to cross the bridge.

No Pearl deaths!!!!

[zenithofstories]

so i've just finished watching all the first episodes, so i wanted to give my thoughts on the first Wild Life session:

-so much fun i love it so much. i'm so glad they're all still having fun and continuing the series, and that Mumbo and Lizzie came back, despite dying early in Secret Life (i was a tiny bit worried they might get a bit dejected and pass on this one). also thrilled Ren is able to play this time; he's a blast

-there is a lot of mistrust going around which is very curious to me. most of it stems from previous seasons and has no bearing on what was happening at the time. Pearl straight up telling Cleo she expected her to betray her; Mumbo and Skizz not trusting Martyn, and then Grian; and then not trusting that Martyn just wanted to use their enchanter; the huge immediate aggression towards Scar when he came out of the mountain into Grian, Skizz and Mumbo's base; Mumbo not trusting Skizz (his teammate!) when he asked for someone to pass him a diamond; Scott, Cleo, Pearl and Impulse assuming Joel stole their cows, probably more i'm forgetting. it's definitely obvious to me that these people have learnt how the games work and learnt from the pain (as we do). i'm very curious to see if the general server mistrust grows, and the impact it has on everyone and the people

-i love JImmy, Big B, Lizzie and Ren forming a dnd party and Ren (in true bardic fashion) has a guitar within reach and is willing to break into song at the first campsite (this honestly might be my favourite moment from all the life series at the moment. the guitar within reach, Ren's beautiful voice, how much the others thought it was great. fantastic vibes all around)

-i really want Scar and Martyn to team up. they are both instantly mistrusted, to the point that both of them (in their first episodes, no less) expressed that if people are going to treat them like a villain, then they may as well act like it. if the two of them team up to take revenge on everyone being mean to them in a new series i think they would be a force to be reckoned with

-Skizz and Mumbo is a fantastic team-up. both very genuine people who are so funny together

-i hope they get the lag fixed, or that it was just from the size-changing mod and they don't have to deal with it for the rest of the series

-Gem and Joel's partnership - in the early days Gem is going to be a fantastic counterbalance for Joel; help keep him calmer and curb his wild ideas. But once Gem gives in to her own urges... oh boy

-does Big B know that he can go caving with people? cause he seemed to be under the impression that he had to get geared out before he could make friends and it would suck if he ended up alone all the time because it hasn't occurred to him that he can go caving with people right at the start

-double life thought: i know most people count Pearl as the winner, but did Scott technically win as well? cause they were the last pair alive, and died in the same tick. it probably doesn't matter at all, but i wonder about it sometimes (especially in how it would affect Martyn's lore but that's not canon)

-i don't think Jimmy has broken the canary curse. i subscribe to the theory that cause Lizzie died in the End, the Watchers weren't able to perceive it and then he was the first to die in the Overworld (i'm not counting Real Life as canon; it happened and i enjoyed it but it wasn't a full series and they were deliberately playing it silly as an april fool's joke. very glad that Cleo won though. hope they get a full series win as well)

-i'm glad that Tango and Skizz (deliberately) didn't team together, but i kinda wish Tango had ended up in a different group. him, Etho and Bdubs are fun, don't get me wrong, but a whole lot of the fun of the series is seeing people interact and work with people they don't usually. Tango and Jimmy was a top tier pairing in Double Life, and Tango is hilarious. i would love to see him branch out more and work with some more people

-there is more than just the wild card. Grian said he wasn't going to explain it, and i didn't notice anything else happening (but i'm also not expecting it to be much until they get to the late game). i think that there will be a wild card that affects the players, and then also something that affects the world? we'll see, i guess

-now that everyone who has played is playing (i'm pretty sure? if i've forgotten someone i'm gonna be sad) who is gonna sub in if needed?

-i love Mumbo's "that was sub-one intelligence mate" when they all fell 🤣

-i'm not sure what the purpose of including the creakings or whatever they're called? nevermind i just looked it up and they're going to be in the game at some point. weird. i'm not sure how i feel about creakings coming to minecraft though

-very glad they've got six lives this time. it will both allow them to not worry so much about mistakes and accidents (as evidenced by Pearl) and encourage them to take risks, which will be fantastic

[grimm-the-tiger]

Misadventures with Google Translate

I put Life Series quotes through Google Translate too many times. Please help me, I can't stop.

The Names

Bdubs -> Bduby

BigB -> Capital B

Cleo -> Language

Etho -> line

Gem -> Decoration

Grian -> Shooter

Impulse -> Road

Jimmy -> Jimmy

Joel -> Hurrah

Lizzie -> Lizzie

Martyn -> Martyne

Mumbo -> Explosives

Pearl -> Beer

Ren -> Ren

Scar -> Right

Scott -> Scott

Skizz -> Writing

Tango -> Background

The Watcher -> Inspector

Some highlights

Scott: this house Jimmy: And street. [Original line: "It's home?" "Home."]

Language: Be good to me: die for me. [Original line: "Do me a favor: Die for me."]

Lizzie: And I left this world the same way I entered it: troubled. [Original line: "And so I left this world just as I had entered it: confused."]

Shooter: Scar, I think we are spirit descendants and you are too busy catching fairies!! [Original line: "Scar, I think we're soulmates and you're too busy chasing fairies!"]

Scott: They tear up carpets and kill farm animals. It immediately burst into lava. [Original line: "They break carpet and kill cows. And they mine straight down into lava."]

Language: Look, if you have a lost father, you might lose it? [Original line: "Look, if you're gonna be an absent father, could you be at least absent?"]

Scott: Our theme is ABBA's summer house, is it there now? Dead metal?! [Original line: "Our theming was once Cottagecore ABBA, now it's what? Death metal?!"]

Martyne : Tell me something before you go. Why are you attached to the sun? Inspector: Hmmm... HE. It was never meant to be. He just wanted to look. [Original line: "Just... tell me one thing before I go. Why were you so set on Grian?" "Hmph... HIM. He was never meant to be there. He was only ever meant to watch."]

line: I'm a good person to have someone light my tree. [Original line: "I was a good person till somebody burned down my tree."]

Decoration: God, that seems like a recipe for anxiety. Yes I am. [Original line: "God, that sounds like a recipe for angst. Yeah, I'm in."]

Lizzie: Follow it! No friends! [Original line: "Ha! You've got no friends!"]

Beer: Something bad is happening here. [Original line: "Something wicked this way comes."]

Shooter: Here we show our true truth? For yourself or for someone else? Are we all excited? [Original line: "Is this where we show our true allegiance? To each other, and no one else? We turn on everyone?"]

Background: It's not fair, it's not fair, I'll come back to it. [Original line: "This is unjust, it's excessive, and I will return."]

Capital B: No holes! [Original line: "There is no hole!"]

Some notes

I thought it'd be funny if the translations I used were all into languages I either knew off the top of my head that the creators speak or are official languages where they live. This got really convoluted really fast, because Ren was the only person I could think of who speaks a language other than English and I completely ran out after French and Scottish Gaelic, so I added languages spoken by Hermitcraft members instead, then threw Maori on for good measure because New Zealand's close enough to Australia (sorry, New Zealand) and I couldn't find any aboriginal Australian languages on Google Translate. So the translation order roughly went Afrikaans -> French -> Scottish Gaelic -> German -> Swedish -> Polish -> Maori -> English.

Ren's line "Red Winter is coming, me laddie" line got translated as "The red winter is coming, my lady." Honestly, it still kind of works?

"Watcher" got translated as "Inspector", which gives me the mental image of Inspector Gadget in a Watcher costume.

I don't know where the extra e at the end of Martyn's name came from.

I don't know why Etho's name is the only name that got translated into lowercase.

The fact that Mumbo's name somehow got translated as "Explosives" made me start cackling as soon as I saw it.

There were several points where Grian's name got translated as "The Sun" instead, probably because "Grian" is the word for "Sun" in Irish and Scottish Gaelic is from the same language family, so they probably share the same or a similar word.

"Soulmate" somehow got translated as "Spirit descendants". I'm pretty sure it's because it got split up into its component words; "Soul" corrupted into "Spirit", and "Mate"...I honestly don't know.

I translated a grand total of one line from Bdubs, and for some reason when I translated the document back to English, that one line stayed stuck on what I'm pretty sure is Maori except the word "Boogey", which stayed exactly the same.

I'm genuinely surprised by how many lines stuck remarkably close to the originals. Aside from his name, one of Joel's lines ("Where's the fun in that?") somehow survived perfectly intact, and one of BigB's lines ("There is no hole!") got pretty close ("No holes!").

I think the best part about this is that you can tell how and why Google translated some things the way it did, and then others you're just left completely stumped about how the hell it happened.

[blicketdabest33]

Y'all remember that MCYT PJO au I asked for help with awhile ago? WELL HERE'S THE CABINS AND MY EXPLINATIONS BEHIND THEM!!

#1 Zeus Cabin: Jimmy, Joel Jimmy: He's a Zeus kid, but everyone somehow forgets about it. Joel: He's competitive and strong. Also, because Jimmy is his half brother through godly parent, i get to make a fun bit about him dating Lizzie. And one of his origins in Afterlife SMP was a thunderborn

#2 Hera Cabin: Scott Scott: Scott's whole thing is loyalty. Hera is the goddess of marriage and is insanely loyal to Zeus. However, I feel like Hera should get at least one affair. So now Scott can use peacocks as weapons.

#3 Poseidon Cabin: Skizz Skizz: Poseidon kids tend to be really, really loyal to a fault and heroic, both qualities I think Skizz possesses.

#4 Demeter Cabin: Sausage, Shelby, Bdubs, Stress Sausage: This man built Sanctuary in a jungle and has flowers in his hair. He sells wood. There is no other place to put him. Shelby: Mushroom gnome, spooky mangrove witch, powerful storm witch, i need not continue. Bdubs: Moss man. Stress: SHE HAS FLOWERS

#5 Ares Cabin: Martyn, False Martyn: His planet is Mars, which is the roman version of Ares. He ended Limited Life in such a violent way, i can't help it. He was also red for the majority of Secret Life. False: I just feel like False should get to kill people more often.

#6 Athena Cabin: Grian, Pix, Owen, Xisuma Grian: This sums it up pretty well

Pix: Smart man. Archeologist and definitely a nerd. I wanna see him skipping out on training just so he can read history books. Owen: He likes to explore and discover new things in Pirates. In Rats, he's a tinkerer. In New Life, he's an explorer who wants to study hybrids. In Empires, he's a Llama who's curious about how humans work. Just a very curious character overall. Xisuma: Admin. I'm not elaborating.

#7 Apollo Cabin: Gem, Oli, Lyarrah Gem: She is an Apollo kid because of her Empire in S2. She's the sunlight princess. Apollo kid. Oli: MUSIC. MAN. Lyarrah: She writes the captions for the hermitcraft recap.

#8 Artemis Cabin: Pearl Pearl: Y'know, Artemis could've just like... had a kid, even though she took that oath. It wouldn't even have to be with a guy. Gods can change to whatever gender they want. Anyway, Pearl gets to be an Artemis kid because her symbolism is moon, she loves dogs, and will commit murder and hunt at night.

#9 Hephaestus Cabin: Doc, Mumbo, Tango, Impulse, Cub, Zedaph, Fwhip, Iskall Doc: Redstone Mumbo: Redstone Tango: Redstone Impulse: Redstone Cub: Redstone Zedaph: Redstone Fwhip: Redstone AND has a red scarf (don't ask me how that's relevant) Iskall: Redstone

#10 Aphrodite Cabin: Keralis Keralis: Okay, I don't know why, but Keralis gives me the vibes of a very charming person. His voice is nice to listen to, so imagine how useful it'd be if I gave him charm speak.

#11 Hermes Cabin: Scar, Etho, Joe Scar: Trader Scar, scammer extraordinar. Etho: All i must say is Shady-E's. I get "jack-of-all-trades, master of none, often better than master of one" vibes from him. He's funny, he's mischievous, it just works. Joe: Comedy man. Excellent delivery. And, yet again, i look at this man and go "That right there is a multi-talented man with a habit for mischief."

#12 Dionysus Cabin: Joey, Beef Joey: *points at his season one empires theme* i need not say more Beef: Idk, food. I don't really have a reason. I don't know too much about Beef.

#13 Hades Cabin: Zloy Zloy: Zombie man. He writes the Hermitcraft recaps in the dark at 2am with nothing but pure spite.

#14 Iris Cabin: Katherine Katherine: SHE. HAS. COLORS. and also I couldn't put her in Demeter cabin because Shelby is already there and i am NOT excluding Nature Wives from this au

#15 Hypnos Cabin: Bigb, XB, Wels Bigb: Sleepy stuff, right? WRONG. Gaslight. Go in everyones dreams, make fake prophecies, peace out, and cause chaos. XB: I look at his fanon design, I see an alien, and I go "aha he sleeps" Wels: This guy (@dingdinghq) said so and i completely agree. Something about sleeping in S6.

#16 Nemesis Cabin: Edit: wels not here no more

#17 Nike Cabin: Ren Ren: VICTORY. I don't know much about Ren's story in the Life Series, but I look at this man and see someone who has won a lot.

#18 Hebe Cabin: 

#19 Tyche Cabin: TFC TFC: Man goes mining and gets really lucky. That's it.

#20 Hecate Cabin: Lizzie, Cleo, Jevin Lizzie: Witchy vibes. Also, Arson. Cleo: Arson. She uses her magic for Arson. Jevin: He's a magic slime. Also, Arson. All Hecate kids love Arson.

[blueishspace]

Looped Sun 11

Loop #365

Joel: Grian what the hell is wrong with you today!??

Grian: I'm sorry Joel, I just can't right now.

Joel: No way, I'm not letting you leave just like that.

Grian: ... Fine.

Joel: A timeloop?

Grian: Yeah...

Joel: How many times-

Grian: I keep score, this is loop 365... Around 900 years now.

Joel: Guess that makes you an old man then!

Grian: What, I'm not old?

Joel: Did talking about it make it better.

Grian: But you are not going to remember-

Joel: You idiot, this isn't about me.

Grian : ... I guess.

Joel: I ask again, did it?

Grian: ...Yeah.

Loop #367

Grian had to admit that watching himself play games on a screen was weird...he just looked so cube-y. Wasn't even the first time he had gotten to watch his youtuber self but it was just as uncanny as the first time he did.

He even got to see some of the "au's" people made, just to prepare for eventual variant loops that might happen sooner or later of course.

Loop #369

Mumbo: G, mate, do you happen to have ab infinity gauntlet to give away...to me?

Grian: Why do you want an infinity gauntlet?

Mumbo: Well... I ...need the power stone.

Grian: ... Why?

Mumbo: I'm working on a project and redstone isn't going to be enough to power it.

Grian: And you want to use the power stone?

Mumbo: Yeah...?

Grian: ... Sure! It better be cool though.

Loop #372

False: You know G, I never tought about it but why are your eyes purple?

Grian: Oh? That? That is... because of a reason.

False: Huh uh?

Grian: I uh...

False: You?

Grian: I have Alexandria Genesis.

False: Huh?

Grian: ...

Pearl: I can't believe you said that!

Grian: It's not my fault you spent the last loop making Tumblr references.

Pearl: Ok, ok, ok but admit it, It's funny.

Grian: Nope.

X: Grian? False told me you are ill?

Grian: She did?

X: What is an... Alexander genesi?

Grian: It's Alexandria's Genesis.

X: That, how did you get ill? Is there a glitch in the code-

Pearl: It's his fault don't worry, he ate a moonmelon.

X: A what!?!

Pearl: A moonmelon, like a watermelon but blue.

X: How did you- where did you get that.

Grian: I... it was a gift?

X: From who? Was it a prank.

Pearl: It was from our... ... cousin!

Grian: Yep!

X: Cousin?

Grian: Oh you wouldn't...know them. They go to a different server.

Pearl: Yeah...just our dear cousin...Ebony Darkness Dementia Ravenway.

Grian: And then everybody clapped.

Scott: Huh uh. Sure thing.

Pearl: I would have clapped but it would have revealed the bit.

Grian: THANK you. At least someone here has my back.

Loop #375

Scar: Ok, ok, new plan.

Grian: I'm listening.

Scar: What if you betrayed me?

Grian: I can't betray you if you ... know about it? And who would I even betray you for? And why?

Scar: Oh no! Not a real betrayal...a fake one!

Grian: You want me to be a spy then?

Scar: ... Yes.

Grian: Crastle or Dogwarts?

Scar: Oh! I want to see you trick King Ren.

Grian: Hmmm, alright. I'll have to make it convincing. I'll need you to kill me.

Scar: Uh?

Grian: Think about it, you're red, it wouldn't be that surprising right?

Scar: Are you ...sure?

Grian: Yeah, I'll be fine. I do need a realistic reason. Just push me off a cliff.

Grian was doomed to fall by Goodtimeswithscar.

Martyn: Grian? Why are you here?

Grian: I assume you saw the news.

Martyn: Your death you mean?

Grian: What do you think?

Martyn: Just making sure, what about it?

Grian: Scar betrayed me because of red life his bloodlust. I want revenge.

Martyn: Revenge? Oh we'll get you that revenge.

Scar: What if you started spreading false info?

Grian: I'll need to share true info first or they'll catch on Scar.

Scar: Then I'll just make fake traps fir you to reveal! Everyone knows I'm not good at redstone anyway.

Grian: Huh. That could work.

Scar: I'm a genius I know. No need to praise me...

Grian: ...

Scar: ...

Grian: Are you sure you don't want praise?

Scar: ... No.

Grian: My lord, it seems the enemy has rigged the enchanter once more.

Ren: Has he? Martyn?

Martyn: I saw the trap with mine eyes.

Ren: How has he penetrated our private areas in such a way?

Grian almost let out a groan, he should have expected this but still.

Grian: I believe it might have been during our earlier trip.

Ren: Impossible, Skizz was at guard, he would have seen Scar I'm sure.

Grian knew Scar had used one of his loop abilities but maybe...

Grian: Perhaps Scar did not sneak in but was...let in.

Ren: Explain yourself.

Grian: I escaped from Scar's manipulation and joined your side my sire...perhaps one of ours has fell for them instead.

Martyn: Skizz... he definitely could have

Ren: You believe Skizz to be a traitor? Then his loyalty shall be tested.

Grian: Scar?

Scar: Yes?

Grian: Tomorrow Ren is going to give Skizz fake info. I'm going to tell you it so you can follow it.

Scar: Ohhh! You are making it seem like he's a traitor?

Grian: That's the plan.

Ren: Skizz, I didn't want to believe it.

Skizz: I'm not-

Martyn: Silence, you have betrayed the crown. You will pay!

Skizz: I didn't I promise! I don't know how Scar knew, I only-

Impulse: Stay away from him!

Ren: Impulse, you too?

Impulse: I'm not letting you do this!

Ren: Then you too shall perish.

Impulse starter to run dragging a shocked Skizz when.

Impulsesv was shot by Grian

Skizzleman was shot by Grian

Ren: Good job.

Grian: Thank you. Impulse still has a life however, we will see him again.

Grian: Seen Impulse recently?

Scott: Yeah, don't know what the two of you are doing this loop but whatever it is caused Impulse to steal my bit.

Grian: ...?

Scott: Yeah, you know, the grieving husband thing. Impulse is the one doing it now.

Grian: What are you going to do then?

Scott: I don't kno, I still have to figure it out.

Martyn: My lord, they have entered the castle-

Inthelittlewood was slain by Goodtimeswithscar

Ren: Me hand! No! ... Grian, protect your-

Grian: ...

Ren: Grian?

Grian: Long live the king.

Renthedog was slain by Grian

Loop #376

Scott had an... ok loop thus far. It started in Empires and then...nothing happened. And it continued not happening? And it was ok really, peaceful in a way, but it was also unusual and even a bit grating. Lizzie found the phropecy book ...and it didn't go anywhere. Then Xonorth arrived...and then disappeared randomly and didn't come up again. Scott was a bit on edge at this point.

Loop #378

Scott had started to get suspicious after the second loop of strangely nothing happening, especially after Jimmy started becoming distant. At the third loop of it happening again and Jimmy being even more isolated is when Scott finally made up his mind and cornered Jimmy.

Scott: Jimmy.

Jimmy: Uh- Hi Scott-

Scott: Don't "hi Scott" me, where the hell have you been for the last few weeks?

Jimmy: I... had important things to do-

Scott: Like...What?

Jimmy: Uh...

Scott: Jimmy, are you looping in time?

Jimmy: Wh-wha? Where...where did you get that idea? Weird...crazy-

Scott: I am too.

Jimmy: You are?!? Oh I'm not alone! Wait were you here the last time?

Scott: Yep, the one before that too.

Jimmy: How did I not notice?

Scott: I'm used to lying about it, It's hardly your fault.

Jimmy: But... how are you..used to it? This is like the 4th time back...

Scott: I have a lot to tell you.

Prev Next First

[t4t4tclethian]

The moment Joel realizes he has a crush on xB is, objectively, quite a funny one. He’d almost certainly be laughing about it if it had been anyone else. As it is, though, he’s hopping mad, extremely indignant, and deeply embarrassed about the whole thing. Who ever heard of a hitman falling for their mark? (Well, a lot of people have- it’s a whole romance cliche for a reason. But it wasn’t supposed to actually happen!)

(ao3 link)

————————————————

It had all started a few days earlier, when Joel had been hanging out with the other Magical Mountaineers in the breakroom. Gem and Impulse were poring over some papers together, Skizz was on a phone call in the corner, Mumbo was politely watching as Scar fumbled through some magic tricks, and Grian was sitting on the couch with Joel, listening to him rant about his failures at killing xB (he’d drawn the short straw). Everything was normal.

And then, when Joel paused his tirade to take a breath, Grian said those fatal words. “From the way you talk about this guy, Joel, it’s almost like you’ve got a crush on the mark!”

Which was ridiculous, of course! He does blummin’ not, thank you! His relationship with xB was a perfectly platonic contract killing, and Joel is a professional! He knows better than to fall for his target, and he indignantly tells Grian as much.

But, of course, Grian is Grian, and the second he senses he’s touched a nerve he doubles down. And so he did.

“Contract killing? Give me a break, Joel! Your contract on this guy expired ages ago, and you’re not the type to work for free.” Grian’s eyes twinkled with mischief as he continued to needle at Joel. “Admit it, there’s something else going on here, isn’t there?”

Joel spluttered, and took a deep breath as he glanced around the room. Fuck. Everyone had stopped what they were doing to listen in on him and Grian now. He had to say something to throw them off or he would never be able to live this conversation down.

“My contract might be done, but unlike some people I finish the things I start, thank you very much!”

Grian squawked in indignation, and as he did so the others chuckled and turned back to their own conversations, unfounded accusations of romance forgotten. Grian’s tendency to leave things unfinished was well-known, and something that every assassin at Magic Mountain had teased him over many times.

But that thought refused to leave his brain. It had wiggled its way in like a worm. Did he have a crush on xB? Is that why he kept coming back when any sane person would’ve just given it up already? And the answer, of course, is no. All of Joel’s actions here have perfectly reasonable and professional explanations.

————————————————————

Joel waits patiently on the rooftop across from Horse Head Farmer’s Market (which, despite the name, is actually a grocery store/money laundering scheme, not a farmer’s market), rifle at the ready, just as he has been for the past three and a half hours. You can’t rush a good sniping, after all, and xB’s schedule varies enough that Joel’s never quite sure when he’ll head out for lunch. (He’s pretty sure xB has done this specifically to spite Joel- the guy’s obsessed with him.)

Yes! Finally! xB steps out of the store, starts walking down the street, and- turns to look at Joel’s rooftop, makes direct eye contact with him, and gives him a friendly little wave, the infuriatingly sincere kind that makes Joel want to kill him even more. Dammit. He’s been caught. Also, wow, even from here Joel is a little wowed by how blue xB’s eyes are. Or maybe he’s just remembering how they look, because there’s no way Joel can actually see his eyes from here. They are definitely a very nice blue, though, and oh, huh, Joel realizes that Lizzie has blue eyes, too. Maybe he’s got a thing for blue-eyed people, and- OH SHIT RIGHT HE’S KILLING THIS GUY.

Joel fires, because even if he’s been discovered a vantage point is still a vantage point. Of course, xB somehow manages to not be in the bullet’s path, just like he always does, and then he gives Joel a disapproving look, like he’s actually disappointed Joel didn’t do a better job at trying to kill him.

God, he’s so cute, Joel’s brain has the audacity to think, like it’s trying to add insult to insult to injury. To Joel’s horror, he realizes in this moment that he’s had dozens, maybe even hundreds of thoughts like this, that just slipped through the cracks and went unnoticed.

Then, xB smiles at him again before heading on his way, and Joel falls off of the rooftop. He has time to think, Oh, I’m gonna kill Grian, as he plummets towards the ground. And then, everything goes dark, and he dies.

[solargeist]

hi this is the one anon from a while back who suggested kidxelqua gives people random items out of affection. now i propose the Opposite: he ALSO steals their personal possessions (ie clothes) out of affection. never anything hes given them (i think itd be funny if he had every gift hes given memorized for the sole purpose of effective theft. mostly unrelated to actual child psych but hes a baby god so ??)

sorry child psychology is very interesting to me (read: i study it) esp the way kids view materialistic things. i have to cut this off here bcs i started typing up a ramble abt behavior imitation & association 😭

Psychology is very interesting !!!! I used to be interested in it as a teenager, tho more so just mental illnesses or how people behave in groups. Child psychology sounds interesting too, I’ve had to work with kids before, you rly do have to try and think like them.

Xelqua probably does steal from others, whether from affection or genuinely not understanding he can’t take something. He takes Grian’s stuff all the time, but he also lives with him so there’s not rly consequences to it.

Probably would steal from Mumbo, stuff he doesn’t even understand, weird bolts or redstone stuff, little things he figures Mumbo won’t notice.

[mochiwrites]

secret husbands, mumbo chatting with scar, theyre just conversing about random things, its season 7 and mumbo has been trying to find parrots. scar is talking about how he would give mumbo some seeds but grian keeps stealing his crops. mumbo, offhandedly, "oh he gets like that when he wants some attention, ha, he probably wants u to give him some seeds" before promptly putting his foot into his mouth, face bright red "i mean- he - that was awful- not like that- i mean hes in love with you- i mean! no!" just digging his own hole, scars like ha that's funny. meanwhile mumbo is like. I've made the gravest error and grian will hate me forever I've shared his deepest darkest secret. he apologizes to grian thinking it'll be the end of their friendship FJDSFJ they're very silly

HELP ME. okay this is one of the older secret husbands asks I had saved because it was too good to pass up on—

the absolute difference between mumbo spiraling in “oh god grian is going to HATE me for this— I’ve messed up big time!!! this is the WORST thing I could’ve done!!!!” and scar just giggling because he has the mind of a 12 year old and he’s fully aware that grian is partially stealing his crops because he wants attention, but also because he needs the food

I’m always so amused over mumbo in this au. like he’s the one who technically reunited them but is CLUELESS about them being together. I think he should have multiple moments like this with them where he thinks he’s just shoved his foot in his mouth and outed them big time to each other. it’s funny to make him nervous /silly

this guy plays third wheel the most out of anyone (tied with bdubs ofc) and he thinks they’re just “best friends”

y’know that scene in s8 with the rocket ship? how scar only had the 4 trapdoors so grian had to squeeze in with mumbo? yeah he sees that happening here and is like “actually g, you can share with me :]” (yes this is mostly because he’s scared of losing grian in the void so he can preemptively hold onto him) (and maybe partially because he wants to be squeezing into one spot with grian)

and mumbo’s reaction??? “oh scar probably just wanted to share with grian because it’s easier for them to :)” like he just doesn’t put it together at ALL

[theminecraftbee]

task: answer the following question. do you believe in curses? respond as completely with relevant information as possible.

Grian: Well, that's a lie. This isn't a task. I know it's not a task, I set the things up! Not sure why we're getting a question as pointless as this one, but sure, mysterious scroll, I'll answer. There's no such thing as curses, unless you're Timmy, in which case it's funny, yeah? Besides, I didn't actually kill Etho. Even if that did count, self-fulfilling prophecies aren't the same thing as curses, and I know which one I fall under.

Joel: Do I believe in bloody curses what kind of question is that? Do I really get hearts just for answering this? This feels like a prank or something... well, whatever. There are no such thing as curses, except the Boogeyman curse, which I sort of had today, but it wasn't actually the same at all. A lot of the bloodlust, sure, but a lot more... Etho had to be the one to do it, huh? And it's not the same. Not comforting. That's a stupid thing to say actually. Take it out of wherever you're putting this. Cut it out of the recording. Comforting. Please. As if it were ever... Yeah, I'm done actually. Don't have a good answer. Go away.

Scott: What, other than Jimmy? Bless that man, he may not have died first, but he sure tried his best. Sure, I'll believe Jimmy is cursed. I mean, mostly he's just kind of stupid. Lovingly so. I mean, despite him being stupid, I put up with him, right? That seems like a complete answer to this question. Jimmy's an omen but we put up with him anyway. That's all.

Mumbo: NO RESPONSE GIVEN.

Pearl: Oh, I mean, I'm probably cursed. That's what everyone liked to say at one point. I think... I mean, I think this time I have good friends, which is nice. They don't think I'm cursed. And it's not like I--I mean, it's surprisingly fun, acting cursed! And I am just acting. Acting scary, blowing up dance floors, all of that. And I don't really have to this time, so... Maybe I'm not cursed? And since it's acting, it's not real? This is a weird question.

Etho: Oh, man, that's a question. Um, do I have to answer? Because I feel like if I say no, that's really just asking for it, but if I say yes, I have to explain myself. Uh, I think I'm abstaining, unless the zombie thing from earlier counts. That was scary and I hated it. Curses are scary and I hate them in general, but apparently I'm good at them, if you ask everyone else. Um, it's not the only thing I find scary that apparently I'm good at.

Scar: Why, of course I believe in curses! Look at poor, poor... Timbert? Timmy? Jim? Gosh, sorry, I'm very tired right now. That's more proof of curses, by the way! That I'm tired. I've been tired straight since the desert, let me tell you what. And that, my friends, is a curse like no other. What a terrible beast, loneliness is. Wish me luck breaking it, because it's not happening this season!

Cleo: Oh, you mean the thing people like to blame instead of their own actions? Nah. My soulbond was kind of a curse, I guess, but even that's at least half just... bad people. Bad relationships. Good ones, too. We're all just doing what you can, you know? No script, no curses, no characters, just... Oh, I hope everything turns out tomorrow. Sorry, that's unrelated. It's just nicer to hope than to preemptively blame things on curses that don't exist.

Impulse: Well, I mean, I didn't until you just asked me that, but now I feel like I should. Wouldn't that be nice? Being cursed instead of just sort of unlovable? Sorry, no, that's mean to Gem. I shouldn't say that about Gem, she's been good this season. Super, super cursed, mind you, in the like, game mechanic sense? But she's been good, no backstabbing or inability to get love involved. Um, and I guess that's not fair to Bdubs, kind of, except it also totally is and I haven't forgiven him. So I guess if they ask I said I believed in curses, and that's why my life keeps circling clocks? Don't put any of that other stuff down, I'm trying to work on that.

Lizzie: NO RESPONSE GIVEN.

Gem: I was just cursed for a task, but that probably isn't what you're asking about, right? I'm new, so I don't know! A task is a concrete thing to believe in, like bloodshed or victory or fun and games. You don't have to believe in those to know they're real, either! They just are, whether you like it or not. I understand that much!

Tango: Gah, don't talk to me about... Deep breaths. Look, I don't care if it's a curse, or if it's just me being really bad, or what, I'm not going out pointlessly this time. Jimmy managed not to die first, I can manage to not go out to a stray arrow or my own bomb or a misstep this time, right? Is that so much to ask?

Skizz: Huh? Curses? I mean, I don't think so, and to be totally honest I think it's kind of mean the way people sometimes rag on people about them. Everyone's got so many good things about them! Why do people like to focus on the unfortunate luck, huh?

Bdubs: Hah! Curses! Let me tell you about curses. When I see curses, I eat them for breakfast. I don't got curses, I've got better things to do! I've got my buddies with the Mounders, and I've got-well, I'd say keeping Etho safe, but he's being weird at me again this season. Not that it matters. It never matters. Etho and I, we're... The point is, that doesn't matter anyway, because I have the Mounders, and they're the ones who matter here. And because I'm a strong, independent Bdubs, who doesn't need anyone but my bow and my perfect, flawless fighting prowess! Sorry, what was the question? I've been thinking so much lately that it's just sort of made everything else pop out of my head, so it's hard to keep track. I'm sure I answered it flawlessly, though.

Martyn: Of course there are curses. That's half the fun for you lot, isn't it? Putting your little curses on us and watching us rail against them. Bet you think it's real cute to ask us what we think of the things, too. "Oh, what do you think of curses," like we have any control over them. Please. If I had any control over curses, Jimmy--or, well, no, I guess that one was technically broken, wasn't it? Sure doesn't feel like it. Point is, curses are bad, and they're definitely real, and I hate you for them, got it?

BigB: Look, man, if you're trying to get me to write my character out for you, just say so! I won't tell anyone. We can come up with a hole thing about holes and red tasks and the Backrooms together! It'll be fun! After all, you probably don't know what kind of curse to say I have, right? Haha, just kidding. I have no idea what I'm talking about. Luckily, neither does anyone else, so I think that evens out between the lot of us.

Jimmy: NO RESPONSE GIVEN.

[k-asternix]

The expansive, seemingly infinite crater of the perimeter makes for some nice eye candy, Grian thinks.

He's sure Doc would object to that characterisation. That is, if Doc were present and able to read Grian's thoughts. But for now at least, the buttercup camp is occupied only by its rightful owners: Grian, Mumbo and Scar. The three of them are sitting on a soft pastel picnic blanket. Grian is in the middle, with his wings wrapped comfortably around the two other men.

It's a rare peaceful moment between the trio. He doesn't mean to disturb that peace but the mental image of a god-like, omnipotent, omnipresent Docm77 is too powerful not to provoke some kind of reaction.

He giggles and his attempts to stifle that giggling only serve to worsen the situation: pretty soon he's full on laughing and there's nothing he can do to stop himself.

To his left, Scar groans "Griaaan. I was nearly about to fall asleep and you just woke me up! What's so funny, huh mister?"

Grian rolls his eyes at Scars dramatics, not intending to give an answer but then Mumbo pipes up "Yes. I'm also curious to know what's got you in hysterics."

"Well… I was just thinkin'.... wouldn't it be funny if Doc was like… an all seeing mind reader?"

"Funny?!?" Scar shouts "Grian, that's terrifying!"

"Hey, in my defense it isn't real! Doc can't actually read anyone's mind."

"I mean…mind reader Doc could be real." Mumbo hums.

"What do you mean he could be real?!? Oh, if you two keep up with all this crazy talk I'll never get to sleep!"

"It's not crazy talk." Mumbo says "Think about it: Grumbot prime came from a different universe, what if that means there's a whole multiverse out there? It wouldn't be so much of a stretch to say that Doc could be a mind reader in at least one of them."

"Mumbo, that's horrible." Scar whines, burying his face in Grian's feathers.

"I don't think it's horrible. If Mumbo is right and there is a whole multiverse that means there's a universe where there's…I don't know…infante theme parks?"

"Or a world of infinite Jellies! That would be so cute! Okay, maybe the multiverse isn't so bad. Wait! Do you think there's a world where we're pirates?"

"You were a pirate," Mumbo points out "back in season six."

"I had a pirate base. But I wasn't living the pirate life. I didn't do enough pillaging and plundering."

Now that's a scary thought. Scar, sailing the seven seas and robbing anyone and everyone he comes into contact with—Grian has no doubt that pirate Scar would be a force to be reckoned with. He can imagine it clearly.

"Maybe there is a world where you're a pirate." Grian muses.

"Oh I don't doubt it! Say, Grian, Mumbo, what would your ideal universes look like?"

Mumbo puts his hand to his chin "I'm not sure. Mine would probably be something silly. Like a world where the rules of gravity are mailable or where there's more redstone parts to play with or where I have crazy unrealistic superpowers."

"Mumbo, in my eyes your redstone making abilities are a superpower."Mumbo laughs, flushing red at the compliment. "I'm not sure if it's a superpower—" he turns to Grian "Err—what about you? What's your ideal universe?"

Grian looks up towards the sky as he ponders the question. He tries to imagine something better than what he has now but his mind draws a blank.

Really, he has everything he could need; seemingly endless building supplies, time and space to work on his various projects, the freedom to do what he'd like, friends who love him and are willing to put up with his constant pranks. Some nice eye candy.

Grian shifts his gaze back to Scar and Mumbo.

"You know, I think I'm living in it."