#this is on the cob levels of corny

[nutsackx]

vaguely threatening versions of tails the fox I love you

[querenciasturniolo]

believe ⮕ c.s.

word count: 604

warnings: insecure thoughts (if you squint), corniness (live life on the cob, baby)

summary: you’re having trouble believing that any of this was real, until chris completely eases your mind without saying anything

a/n: (part two to unreal) i wasn’t exactly planning on writing a part two for unreal, but oh my GOD this was so fun to write. i was worried i’d have no idea where to start, but i hope this works 💓

everything written is completely fictional. the people i write for are written with characteristics and mannerisms that i made for them, this is in no way depicting what would actually happen in real life.

part one || part two

tags: @olivelovesolives222, @hollieeelol , @black-yn , @rafes-starkey , @mininishiriki , @gwenloremain , @athenalive , @notmarnaa , @iluvmatt , @emmssturniolo , @mlimmm , @peter-knows-spiderman , @strniolo , @aec420 , @oneirophobic , @obsessivencrazy , @landryz , @marleyramsey , @umichlover , @genericgravity , @olivia2463675 , @ot5xhabit , @floofparker , @friedfirewagonhorse , @champangekisses , @hoshhoshh , @mxriverse

It had only been a few months since you’d met Chris, and you were flying out to see him.

The two of you had texted, called, and facetimed at all hours of the day and night for the entirety of it, and when he suggested you visit them, you couldn’t help but jump at the opportunity. You’d taken a week off from work, and you were flying out to see Chris.

It was so hard to believe.

You’d gotten to know him on a totally different level, and you couldn’t believe he was interested in you. It shocked you each time your phone lit up, and you smiled before even reading the text. You had fallen hard, and you didn’t know if you ever wanted to get up.

The Uber ride to their house was nerve wracking, and you just hoped that Chris felt the way you felt. You hadn’t necessarily talked about your feelings with him, but he didn’t bring it up either. He’d called you little names before, like a casual ‘babe’ here and there, but it happened so fast that you couldn’t bring it up. And you’d hinted subtly before, whether it was a nervous and awkward ‘that’s cute’ here and there or not, you hoped he picked up on it.

You’d stepped out of the Uber and sighed, hoisting your bag over your shoulder and walking towards the door. You hesitated when you knocked, but you could hear the clamoring down the stairs before the door was ripped open and Chris was pulling you into a hug. You reciprocated immediately, relaxing against him as his nose nuzzled into your shoulder.

“I can’t believe you’re here.” He mumbled, your cheeks heating as you pulled him impossibly closer.

“Me neither.” You whispered, Chris finally pulling away and smiling down at you.

“Come on up, I have our whole evening planned.” He said, grabbing your bag from the floor and throwing it over his shoulder. You followed him up the stairs, turning your head when he gestured to the living room.

The couch was littered with blankets and pillows, the coffee table stacked with snacks, drinks and popcorn. “I was thinking we’d have a movie night. Watch a few movies, talk, all the fun stuff.” He said, dropping your bag, walking over and plopping down on the couch.

You grinned and nodded, following his lead as you dropped onto the couch next to him. There was a few inches of space between you, as you didn’t want to assume anything. He frowned in your direction, but didn’t say anything as he grabbed the remote and turned on the TV.

The movie played for quite awhile before anything was said. You felt the cushion dip next to you, and you looked over with wide eyes as you watched Chris lean forward and grab the popcorn. When he sat back, his eyes were still on the screen.

He glanced over, chewing his popcorn with raised eyebrows. “What?” He asked, his mouth full. You scoffed and shook your head, looking back at the screen without saying anything. A few more moments went by before Chris put the bowl back on the table. He leaned back, his arm wrapping itself around your shoulders lightly. You felt your skin heat up as you leaned against him, resting your head on his shoulder.

It wasn’t until you felt his lips press against the top of your head that you realized he did feel the same and you relaxed completely, pulling your blanket over your shoulder and finally paying attention to the movie.

You couldn’t believe it, this was unreal.

[cyarsk5230]

Drake count your days you should have never said that line

so are you gonna make a song abt THIS drake? clown ass 🤡

[lowkeyed1]

For the emoji ask: 😅, 🎯, and ✅

😅 What's a story or scene you've created that you're a smidge embarrassed exists? oh boy. lol. definitely this one:

it's filthy and silly on a level i didn't even know i could reach! but i get a lot of enthusiastic feedback on it so look for me overcoming my self-consciousness and continuing in this vein, i guess. actually my cursed cock ring story is probably in this wheelhouse XD ----- 🎯 Have any of your readers accurately guessed major plot points? Care to share which? honest to god, i plot so loosely that it's way more likely for a reader to go 'i wonder if this is going to happen' and for me to go brilliant actually, i'm using that now. so please feel free to speculate about what i'm doing so i can figure it out!! ----- ✅ What's something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don't mean to? huhhhh good question. the word just. the word little. the tall one carrying the small one or catching him as he falls. symptoms of ptsd. honestly i don't want to think about this one too hard, if i catch myself revealing things without meaning to i'm just gonna get in my own way trying to remain a mystery 😅 thank you for the ask! <3 <3 <3

[seasonsofeverlark]

Amazing and Corny

Author: @hutchhitched​

Prompt: Corn Maze [submitted by @sunsetsrmydreams​]

Rating: T

Summary: Stressed over classes, Katniss gives in when her friend Gale insists she join their group of friends at a corn maze. Somehow, she finds herself lost with Peeta, the golden boy she’s admired from afar since their freshman year of college. As a thunderstorm rumbles overhead, they find their way out of the maze and discover each other, too.

Author’s Note: Thanks to @mandelion82​ for the extra set of eyes.

____________

Katniss Everdeen looked around her, wondering how in the hell she’d been dragged along on what her best friend Gale Hawthorne insisted was an adventure. As far as she was concerned, this qualified as a misadventure more than anything else. She didn’t have time for this, anyway. Only six weeks left in the semester, and she was at a damn corn maze an hour from the middle of nowhere.

“I don’t know how I let you talk me into something so stupid,” she grumbled, but Gale just knocked his shoulder against hers and laughed.

“Oh, come on, Catnip,” he chided. “It’ll be fun. Besides, I hear a certain someone might make an appearance, and I know how tantalizing that can be for the young co-eds such as yourself.”

“Shut up,” she snapped and immediately blushed the same shade as the sugar maple across the road. Ducking her head to hide the distinctly scarlet hue her cheeks had flamed, she crossed her arms over her chest and shrunk in on herself. Besides, who talked like that? Apparently Gale when he was messing with her.

Peeta Mellark. That’s who Gale meant, and her stomach fluttered at the possibility he might attend the evening’s event. Peeta was friends with Delly Cartwright who knew Annie Cresta who dated Finnick Odair who was friends with Johanna Mason who her traitorous best friend happened to be dating. It was not her favorite relationship of his.

“Relax. He might not come. Anyway, it’s not like you’d talk to him if he was here. You haven’t managed to yet the entire time we’ve been on campus together.”

Katniss hung her head because Gale was right. Peeta seemed to be friends with everyone at Panem State, the mid-level public university in the Midwest she and her friends attended. Everyone, that was, but her. It wasn’t that he hadn’t tried. She’d run into him multiple times over the past two and a half years, but every time she clammed up, unable to speak and overwhelmed by his warmth. As far as she was concerned, Peeta Mellark was amazing. She adored his affable nature and the corny jokes he told. Her family always called them groaners, but he’d often joked he was practicing for when he became a dad. Peeta shone like the sun, and she paled in comparison.

And that made her feel even worse. Peeta had dad jokes, and Katniss quaked at the thought of future children. She wasn’t even 21 yet, and she didn’t understand the tendency of those around her who had baby fever. At least that was one thing Gale’s girlfriend had going for her. Johanna Mason didn’t seem to have a maternal bone in her body.

“But what if he does?” she mumbled and scuffed the toe of her shoe in the dust.

“Peeta?” At her nod, he sighed. “If he shows up, you might want to actually speak to him. At this point, it’s obvious you’re uncomfortable around him. He’s even asked the group if he did something to offend you.”

“He is offensive,” Katniss groused. “He’s too bright and shiny. Too nice. Too charming. I mean, give the rest of us a break. We can’t live up to his golden boy perfection.”

Gale rolled his eyes and looked over her shoulder. “Hey, Jo,” he called. “Delly, Peeta, Finn, Annie. Good to see you.”

Katniss’ stomach dropped to her feet. There was no way he hadn’t heard her. No possibility that Peeta Mellark hadn’t witnessed her confession that she thought his perfection was rivaled by none. How in the world could she play this off? She needed a place to hide. She was just about to bolt when Gale grabbed her forearm and tugged her against his side.

“Stay put,” he growled under his breath. “You avoiding him is ridiculous.”

Katniss elbowed him in the ribs, but he only acknowledged it with a barely audible grunt. Instead, he turned to his girlfriend and kissed her, which devolved into a filthy, open-mouthed, possibly pornographic grope fest that only ended because Finnick wolf whistled.

“Get a room! We’re here for the corn maze, not a tryst with a corn cob.”

“I don’t know. I think the corn might be jealous of Hawthorne’s cob,” Johanna retorted and turned her lascivious grin on Gale. “Later, lover,” she promised.

“Gross,” Katniss mumbled, and Peeta snorted. He hid his mouth and covered the chuckle with a cough, but his eyes sparkled mischievously when he glanced her way.

“Let’s go,” Finnick said, enthusiasm practically vibrating out of him as he led the way to the corn maze entrance. He purchased tickets for their group of seven and then tugged Annie into the maze. Katniss trudged along at the back of the group.

It didn’t take long for them to spread out, the couples drifting away from Katniss, Delly, and Peeta as the duos held hands and snuggled together. Delly and Peeta chatted companionably, while Katniss glowered and tried not to feel like a third wheel. Peeta attempted to engage her a few times, but she brushed off his efforts and stopped paying attention until they were fairly deep into the maze.

“Uh, Delly, do you have any idea where we are?” Peeta asked, shocking Katniss out of her stupor.

The night had cooled, humidity and the threat of rain making the air seem colder than it should. Katniss glanced upward and blanched at roiling clouds and lazy lightning sparking in the atmosphere. She shivered involuntarily and shifted closer to the other two.

“Not a clue,” Delly answered cheerfully. “Let’s try this way.” With that, she was off, leaving Peeta and Katniss in her wake. They stood together in semi-stunned silence before Peeta turned to her with a sheepish expression.

“Well, alone at last,” he said in an attempted joke that fell flat.

“We need better friends,” Katniss sighed. “The whole lot of them are terrible people.”

Amused, Peeta returned, “I feel like that says something about us, that we’d both choose crappy friends and allow them to, first, talk us into a corn maze on the night of a predicted thunderstorm during a really busy time in the semester and, second, abandon us like this. It feels like a plot to a bad horror film or something.”

“Horror or Hallmark?”

Peeta ran a hand down the back of his neck nervously and cocked his head. “What do you mean by Hallmark?”

“Oh, you know. Those corny movies where a woman goes back to her hometown and reconnects with some hot guy who convinces her the country is more wholesome than the city and she forgets all about her job and friends and the life she’s built for herself,” Katniss explained. “They always make me so mad. Like the female lead isn’t smart enough to have made decisions for herself, and she has to be saved by the noble, hot stranger who’s got it all figured out. It’s mansplaining at its finest.”

“What if the guy’s right?”

“Why? Because he’s hot and feels an inordinate desire to protect a woman who doesn’t need his help? If anyone ever tried that with me…” Katniss trailed into silence, unsure what the rest of her threat actually was. It wasn’t like she didn’t appreciate help; she just wanted help from someone who understood she could do it by herself, even if that wasn’t necessary.

Peeta studied her carefully, his expression unreadable, and she wondered if she’d offended him, somehow. He licked his lips and tugged the collar of his jacket up under his ears before speaking.

“Well, that explains some things.”

She bristled immediately. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean,” he sighed, clearly dejected, “it makes more sense why you haven’t given me the time of day the past two years.”

Katniss gaped at him, completely taken aback at this statement. It took her a second to form a coherent thought, but she finally managed to stammer, “Wh-what?”

Peeta’s mouth twisted into an expression of misery. “You seem to hate me, and I have no idea why.”

Flustered, she blurted, “How does that have anything to do with hot guys from small towns? I— You’re— Yeah, hot. You really are, but… I’m so lost.”

Peeta flushed, his cheeks flaming red, and he stubbed his toe into the ground and refused to look at her. “It doesn’t matter,” he mumbled. “I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

“Brought—?” Katniss stopped herself and held up her hands in surrender. Gently, she prodded, “Peeta? What are you saying?”

He shook his head and hunched his shoulders, shielding against the chilly weather and his disappointment. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to be that guy,” he whispered.

“What guy?” she asked, using every ounce of her strength to quell her frustration.

He lifted tortured eyes and answered softly, “The guy that seems to think he’s entitled to a girl’s attention. The one that mansplains. The one who takes over the room when he walks in. I’ve never intended to do that, but you’ve always shied away from the popular crowd. You have every right to ignore me if you want. I didn’t mean to imply that you owe anything to me.”

“Oh,” she breathed. “Oh, that makes way more sense than… Well, than anything I was thinking.”

Curious, he asked tentatively, “What were you thinking?”

“I was trying to figure out how you were the hot, small-town guy luring me away from the city,” she laughed, and he grinned a little.

“Well, you did say I was hot.”

“You are hot,” she sputtered. Peeta coughed to cover a pleased smirk. His response was so soft, she almost missed it.

“Thank you.”

“I wouldn’t ever try to insinuate you weren’t smart enough to make your own decisions.”

The tips of his ears burned red, which she thought was about the cutest thing she’d ever seen. She opened her mouth to speak when her phone interrupted them. Grimacing, she tugged it from her pocket and glanced at the screen.

“Oh, hell,” she muttered.

“What?”

“Gale,” she offered in explanation. “He wants to know where we are.”

“We’re in the corn maze. Where else would we be? Is everybody else done or something?”

She nodded to affirm. “They’re all waiting at the picnic tables. Even Delly’s there. They have cider.”

They glanced around them and realized they still had no idea where they were. Katniss hadn’t been paying attention as they wound into the maze, and Peeta had clearly followed Delly’s direction. In short, they were lost. Katniss glanced upward, as a few fat drops of rain spattered around them.

“Would it be corny to say I’d rather be lost in here with you than anyone else?” Peeta asked, his lips quirked into a crooked grin.

“Oh, I don’t know. There’s a crop of freshmen on campus. Wouldn’t you rather be with one of them?”

Peeta’s eyes twinkled. “Punny.”

“Same to you.”

“You’re amazing,” he laughed, and they grinned at each other, content to joke about their predicament. Seconds later, the sky opened, lightning flashed, and they both jumped. “We need to get out of here.”

Katniss extended her hand to him. “Together?”

“Together,” he agreed as he took her hand.

They walked quickly then, alternating right turns with lefts until they began to see a pattern. Corn stalks guided their way as they wound through the maze, hopeful they were on the right track, as rain poured from the heavens. Soaking wet, they clung to each other, a lifeline in their confusion. They hadn’t seen anyone else for several minutes, and Katniss started to shake—from cold, anxiety, and frustration.

“It’s going to be okay,” Peeta assured her. Letting go of her hand, he shrugged off his jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders. When she protested, he insisted. “I’m all right.”

“I thought you trusted me to make my own decisions,” she retorted, but her clacking teeth and shivers undermined her argument.

He wrapped his arm around her and guided them down another corridor. “I do. I promise, but your sense of direction is as terrible as mine. Let’s get out of here, and then you can go back to resisting my advances.”

“Have you been making advances?” she asked, curious.

“Since the moment I saw you across the room. You have no idea the effect you have on me.”

She’d have to ponder that once they’d escape the maze. She was too cold, too disoriented, and too woozy from the heat of his jacket and arm curled around her. The stress of the semester had been weighing on her more than she’d thought, and there was something really compelling about allowing someone else to take charge.

“Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you,” Peeta sputtered as they rounded another corner and spied the flags marking the maze exits. His curls were plastered to his head in dark blonde waves, and he looked absolutely miserable in his soaking wet navy blue Henley and dark washed jeans.

“Wait,” she pleaded. “Wait.”

Peeta stopped immediately and turned questioning eyes to meet hers. His willingness to take her seriously without question made her smile. “What’s up?” he asked, rubbing her arms to warm her.

Katniss reached for him, grabbing his sopping shirt and tugging him to her. Their lips met as thunder rumbled above them, and she leaned into his heat. He wrapped his arms around her, cradling her to him and increasing the pressure of his mouth on hers. They stood there, tangled together, until an echoing boom of thunder shook them apart.

“Electrifying,” he murmured as lightning flashed.

Katniss giggled and burrowed into his chest. “Such a dad joke.”

“They’re coming out my ears.”

“No. Stop. That was terrible.”

“I can’t help it. They just pop up when I least expect them.”

“So corny,” she grinned.

“So amazing,” he corrected and grabbed her hand. “Let’s get out of her, ditch our friends, and get to know each other.”

Katniss nodded. At the moment, there was nothing she wanted more.

[zerolympiustrife]

ZOS’ short stories 40

Title: Battle of the Blondes: Jaunathon Arc vs Yang Xiao Long! (RWBY)

The grand sequel to my 20th short story! I’ve had so many plans to make a new SS involving more puns, but also add in some yo mama jokes and pick-up lines to mix it up! Here we go!

Note: Also, same as the 20th SS, this contains Dragonslayer (Jaune x Yang)

————————————————————

*In a large stadium, Teams RWB, PR, CFVY, SSSN, CRDL, Oscar, Winter, Penny, Neo (who’s disguised), Ozpin, Glynda, Port, Oobleck, Qrow, Taiyang, Jaune’s parents, and multiple other folks are sitting on the stands, then Nora suddenly appears from the ceiling, lands on the boxing ring-esque platform with a three-point landing, and grabs a microphone*

Nora (yelling): LADIES...AND GENTLEMEN!!! WELCOME...TO THE JOKE-OFF!!!

*The crowd cheers*

Nora (pointing to her left): IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN THIS CORNER...we’ve got a gorgeous, dorky boy hailing from who-knows-where! His papa’s “gun” fires more “shots” than a gatling gun and his mama’s loose on the “lips” but wide on the hips! Please welcome...

*The spotlight hits Jaune, who’s wearing a Luchador wrestler’s outfit that has fake bunny ears, fake bunny tail, and a circular symbol that has a jackhammer inside the symbol, but has bunny ears on top of said symbol, and it’s placed on the chest of his outfit*

Jaune (embarrassed): Oh...why did I agree wear this silly outfit again...?

Pyrrha (cheering): Go, Jaune! You’ve got this!

Nora (grinning): THE HUMAN JACKHAMME- I mean, JACKRABBIT!!!

*The entire audience cheers for Jaune, except for a certain team, who’s booing him*

Cardin: BOOOOOO!!! BO-

*Papa Arc, who’s sitting behind Cardin, places his fist over Cardin’s head, then pounds him into unconsciousness. Team RDL, who sees this, immediately runs like hell, leaving their unconscious leader behind*

Nora (pointing to her right): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND IN THIS CORNER...we’ve got a spunky, fierce woman hailing from the island of Patch! Her papa’s had two wives in his life, and out popped two awesome children! Not much is known about his former significant others, but give it for...

*The spotlight hits Yang, who’s also wearing a Luchador wrestler’s outfit that has fake dragon horns, fake dragon wings, and a fake dragon tail, and the circular symbol she has on her chest is an hourglass, with golden horns, wings, and a tail around the symbol*

Yang (smirking): Heh. This’ll be fun.

Ruby (cheering): Go, Yang! *Whistles*

Nora (grinning): THE SUNNY LITTLE DRAGON!!!

*The entire audience cheers for Yang, although the roaring applause is louder this time*

Jaune (sighing): ...I can tell who’s the one the audience thinks is gonna lose. *Glaring at everyone* But I’ll be sure to prove ‘em wrong.

Nora (whispering to Jaune): Just so you know, I’ve got the upmost faith in you, fearless leader.

*Jaune smiles from hearing this, then stands up*

Tai (whispering to Yang): Go get ‘em, Yang! Remember the training!

*Yang grins from hearing this, then stands up*

Nora (runs back into the center): ROUND ONE!!! ...Is the Pun-off! Remember the “Hammerspace” technique I’ve taught you two about. Good luck! *Runs off the platform*

*Jaune and Yang approach eachother closer, then engage in a DBZ-styled staredown*

Yang (smirking): You wanna make the first move, or should I, vomit boy? Or should I say...vomit bunny?

Jaune (glaring): ...Ladies first, as they say.

Yang (eyes widened): Ooh! A gentlemen on the first date, are we? Very well! Allow me to take the first... *Pulls out a pistol and a glass of alcohol* ...shot. *Fires into a spotlight and it breaks, then takes the shot of alcohol*

*Suddenly, Jaune feels a pain in his chest*

Jaune (shocked, internally): W-Whoa! D-Did I just feel physical pain? Just from Yang making a pun?!

Yang (crossing her arms): I’m waiting for you, vomit bunny.

Jaune (shaking off the pain): ...Good thing Grimm aren’t involved in this fight. Otherwise, we’d be in a Grimm situation.

*Suddenly, Yang feels pain from her right shoulder*

Yang (surprised, internally): W-What the...? Could this be some kind of force where making jokes and puns actually inflicts physical pain on you...?! Interesting! *Speaks up* Wanna know what’d we have to call Weiss if she ever got robbed? Heist Schnee!

Jaune (smirking): What’s the special seasoning that hails from the Schnee Manor? Spice Schnee!

Yang (smirking): Is that where salt comes from?

*Weiss glares at Yang*

Jaune: Yeah, and you gotta pay the price from that Schnee! The Price Schnee!

Yang (holding her body in pain): D-Don’t get frozen by her again! Once frostbitten, Weiss shy, as they say!

Weiss (holding her face): Goddamnit, not this again...

Jaune (also holding his body in pain): H-Hey, Yang! Good thing Oscar’s last name isn’t Palms! Or that Ruby’s last name isn’t Rosie! Otherwise, if they were to suddenly marry, and we went on a double date, we’d have to go on a date with Rosie Palms!

*Oscar holds his face in embarrassment, while Tai squints at him*

Tai (internally): Don’t you dare date my little rose.

Yang (squinting): He better not. Otherwise, if he ever dates my papa’s little rose, he’d be a thorn on my side.

Jaune: That pun made me so corny. *Pulls out a corn on the cob*

Yang: Really? I thought that pun made me so horny. *Points to her fake horns*

Jaune: I wouldn’t advise porning over an evil pervert.

Yang: Hell hath no fury like a woman porned.

Jaune: Ain’t that a damn flame. *Holds out a lighter and turns it on*

Yang: I wouldn’t bother reading a painfully slow, yet bitter argument between jerks on the internet. Otherwise, it’d be a Frame War.

Jaune: I’d be frightened if they were clingy and obsessive yanderes. Or else it’d be a Claim War.

Yang: But an argument between folks who’re boring would definitely be a Lame War.

*Jaune falls to the floor, clutching his body in pain, and blood coming out of the mouth and nose*

Nora (counting down): One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Seven! Eight! Nine! Ten! The Sunny Little Dragon wins the first round!

*The audience cheers, but Yang holds her body in pain*

Yang: Agh...I can still go on!

Nora: Nonsense. We gotta take a five minute break. We’ll be right back, folks!

*5 minutes later...*

Nora (in the center): ROUND TWO!!! ...Is the same as last time, good luck! *Leaves*

Jaune: Allow me to take the first shot this time! *Pulls out a camera and takes a bright photo shot of Yang, accidentally blinding her*

Yang (rubbing her eyes): Agh! *Eyesight comes back* What a dirty shot!

Jaune: At least it wasn’t a dirty pot. *Pulls out a dirty pot*

Yang: You and your sisters sure are a dirty lot.

Jaune: Hey...what’s do you call a polyamory couple that makes fun of everybody? A Polyamockery!

Yang: How does a homosexual horse faunus whinny? “GAAAAAAAY”!!!

Jaune: How does a religious donkey faunus preach? “Now, let us BRAY!”

Nora (walks back in): Halt! Let me rephrase that: Did I say more puns? What I actually meant to say is...PICK-UP LINES!!!

*The audience starts “ooh!” and “ah!”ing*

Nora (walks off): Good luck!

Yang (grinning): Alrighty then! *Ahem* Are you religious? ‘Cause you’re the answer to all my prayers!

Jaune (smiling): Was your dad a boxer? ‘Cause goddamn! You’re a knockout!

*Tai snickers at that line*

*Yang and Jaune start feeling the pain inflicted upon their bodies*

Yang: You owe me a drink! ‘Cause when I looked at you, I dropped mine!

Jaune: I felt a little off today, but when you appeared, you definitely turned me on.

Yang: Is there an airport nearby? ‘Cause I feel my heart taking off!

Jaune: That’s too bad. I was wondering if you had an extra heart, ‘cause mine was just stolen.

Yang: Can I follow you everywhere you go? ‘Cause my dad always told me to follow my dreams!

Jaune: I’m cute, and you’re pretty! And together, we’d be pretty cute!

*Yang falls to her knees*

Yang: Gah! Rgh... *looks up at Jaune* ...I know this is gonna sound cheesy, but...I think you’re the gratest.

Jaune: I’ve heard of a new disease called beauty, and I believe you’re infected!

Yang (gritting her teeth): If...if you were a vegetable, you’d be a cutecumber.

Jaune: Did you just come out of the oven, ‘cause damn, you’re hot!

*Yang hits the ground, with blood coming out of her ears*

Nora (counting down): One, Two, *deep breath* ThreeFourFiveSixSevenEightNineTen! Human Jackham- err, Rabbit, wins the second round!

Jaune (falls to his knees): Agh...things are getting intense now...

Nora: We’ll be right back in ten minutes this time!

*10 minutes later...*

Nora: Now...for the FINAL ROUND!!! ...No puns, no pick-up lines...this time...it’s YO MAMA JOKES!!!

*The audience leans theirs head in with anticipation*

Yang: Hold on... *looks to Jaune* ...Which mama will you be making fun of?

Jaune: The alive one. The one you hate.

Yang (glaring at him): Good. *Turns to Mama Arc in the audience with a smile* Just so you know that I love you and don’t take my yo mama jokes against you so seriously!

Mama Arc (giggling): I promise!

Nora: GOOD LUCK!!! *Runs off*

Yang: You go first, or shall I?

Jaune: You, but first, I think we should kick it up a notch... *Activates his semblance and starts to glow*

Yang (eyes widened): Ooh! I agree, bunny boy! *Activates her semblance, eyes turn red, and hair glows bright*

*The audience gasps at this sight, with Penny analyzing their power*

Ruby: Penny! What does your sensors say about their power levels?!

Penny (eyes widened): Friend Ruby! It’s...

Ruby: It’s...?

Penny: It’s over...

Ruby: It’s over...?

Penny: It’s over- *Starts to malfunction* Overoveroveroveroveroveroveroverererererererererererererererer- *Steam pops out of her ears*

Tai (surprised): Whoa! Ruby, is your friend okay?

Ruby (shaking Penny): Penny? Penny? Hey! Penny!

Penny (eyes go static): Penny.EXE has stopped working. Please wait until she reboots.

Ruby (sighing): Okay, good. I scared for a moment there...that she was gonna explode or something...

Yang (clearing her throat): Yo mama’s so stupid, she returned a donut because it had a hole in it!

Jaune (clearing his throat): Yo mama’s so poor, she went flying after a garbage truck with a grocery list!

Yang: Yo mama’s so fat, the only good grade she got in school was an “A” in lunch!

Jaune: Yo mama’s so ugly, she makes the blind go crippled!

Yang: Yo mama’s so fat, when she pressed the “UP” button on the elevator, it went down!

Jaune: Yo mama’s ugly, she’s the reason why they have to turn off the lights in a movie theater!

Yang: Yo mama’s so fat, that when she takes a shower, her feet don’t get wet!

Jaune: Yo mama’s so stupid, she stuck a scroll up her butt and said she was making a booty call!

*The audience starts getting pushed back*

Ren: W-Whoa!

Velvet: Are you feeling that?

Sun: Did it just get windy all of a sudden?

Blake: Huh, looks like I wasn’t the only one who noticed that.

Winter (to Qrow): Wow. Stiff competition.

Qrow (to Winter): Competition’s not the only thing that can get stiff. *Chuckles*

*Winter’s face turns red, then glares at Qrow*

Penny (shaking her head): Ah! Apologies! I needed to reboot, friend Ruby. Because friend Jaune and friend Yang’s power levels are “off the roof” as humans say!

Ruby (in awe): Wow!

*Back to the fight*

Yang: Yo mama so stupid, she sold her car for gas money!

Jaune: Yo mama so fat, she fell in love and broke it!

Yang: Yo mama so loose, she gives birth faster than a rabbit faunus!

Jaune: Yo mama so dumb, since she can transform into a bird, she thought having sex on a broken tree branch with yo daddy was a good idea!

Yang: Yo mama’s like a nursery, if possible, she can hold a human-shaped yoga ball-sized stomach of babies!

Jaune: Yo mama’s so creative, when she turns into a bird, she can go to the bathroom anywhere she wants!

Yang: Yo mama so creative, she put on hen costume, built a nest, shoved hard-boiled eggs up her upstairs, and began laying them!

Jaune: Yo mama so fat, even if I amp you up, you can’t pick her up!

Yang: Yo mama’s so awesome...!

*Jaune, Mama Arc, and the entire audience’s eyes widened upon hearing this*

Yang (smiling): ...She gave birth to an awesome son.

*Jaune doesn’t say anything, but starts blushing like mad*

Mama Arc (blushing): Oh~!

*Papa Arc chuckles and sheds a tear*

*Ren and Pyrrha smile hearing this*

Yang (smiling): Hehehe...you can’t say anything against that, can you?

Jaune (shaking his head): Actually, I can!

Yang (confused): Oh?

Jaune (taking a deep breath): Your mother...is so stupid, so dumb...

*Yang falls back, looking up at Jaune*

Jaune: So ignorant, so dense, dull, moronic, idiotic, foolish, imbecilic, halfwitted, mindless, unintelligent, reckless, thoughtless, dimwitted, naive, and dead in the fucking brain...! *Holds out his hand towards her*

Yang: ...Huh?

Jaune (smiles): ...She abandoned such an awesome family...an awesome daughter...an awesome father...for the sake of a stupid tribe that everyone hates.

*Yang’s eyes widened*

Ruby (sobbing): Ooohhhh! *Cries into Penny’s chest*

Penny (shocked): Friend Ruby! Is something alright?

*Tai chuckles from hearing this, but also sheds a tear*

*Weiss and Blake smile hearing this*

Yang (grabbing his hand): Oh...Jaune...! *Gets pulled off of the ground and places her face into Jaune’s chest, wrapping her arms around him* ...Don’t ever leave me...I don’t...I don’t want to be abandoned again... *starts crying*

Jaune (hugging her): No one knows what the future holds, Yang.

*Yang looks up at him, her eyes are still red*

Jaune (smiling): But don’t get the wrong idea. I promise I won’t leave you.

*Yang smiles, her eyes turn lilac, then kisses him firmly on the lips*

*The audience starts “aww”ing at the couple*

Nora (sniffling): L-L-Ladies...and G-Gentlemen...I-I don’t what to say about this... *sniff* ...It’s a draw! Both of these two are winners! Both the Rabbit and Dragon win!

*The audience stays silent for a second, then starts clapping*

Jaune (stops kissing): Shall we, my Dragon Queen?

Yang (giggling): Hmhmhm~! Take me, my Bunny Knight!

*Jaune picks up Yang bridal carry-style, then runs out of the stadium*

*Meanwhile, at the Branwen tribe...*

*Raven is just minding her own business, then suddenly, she feels a nerve in her head*

Raven (clutches her head angrily): ...Motherfucker.

Vernal: Is something wrong, Raven?

Raven: I don’t know why, but...I just had the painful feeling that someone, somewhere, some smart mouthed little shit unleashed a series of insults upon me.

Vernal: Oh...we should hunt this person down?

Raven (shaking her head): Nah, forget it. I couldn’t care less what everybody says or thinks about me.

Vernal: Okay...

Raven (internally): But I do want to find out who this person is...

*Meanwhile at Beacon...*

*Jaune, who’s carrying Yang, barges into Team JNPR’s room*

Jaune (putting Yang down): That was quite a workout.

Yang (laying down on his bed): Thanks for the ride, ladykiller.

Jaune (attempts to take off his costume): Rgh...Might as well...take off...these stupid outfi-

*RIIIIIIIP!*

*Jaune’s eyes widened, then looks at Yang, who ripped and made a hole in a certain area on her costume, then looks at Jaune with bedroom eyes*

Yang: Who said we were taking these off? C’mere, bunny boy.

*Jaune walks over to Yang*

*RIIIIIIIP!*

*Yang rips a hole in a certain area in Jaune’s costume, then his...”sword” bounces out into the open*

Jaune (blushing): Ahh...

Yang (spreading her legs): Ladykiller...hmhmhm~...make like a rabbit...and do me like one.

*Jaune’s face turns more red, but then he smiles, and obliges*

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball 082

InaShikaCho!   He’s got the head of a boar and the antlers of a moose and the wings of a butterfly.   Not real clear on what his body is more like.   Definitely not a butterfly body, that’s for sure, but I think it’s like a moose body on boar legs? 

Funimation always spells it as one word with three capital letters, while the subtitles spell it “Inashika Cho”.   I’m gonna look this up, because I always assumed the name was some sort of portmanteau of Japanese or Chinese words for the three different animals.   Please enjoy this pleasant music until I get back.

Okay, so here’s a plot twist for you: If you google “InoShikaCho” the first hit is the Dragon Ball Wiki, but the second result is the Naruto Wiki.  Apparently there’s a technique in Naruto called “Formation InoShikaCho”.    It’s actually named after a term from the card game Koi-Koi.   There’s a certain combination of cards named Inoshikacho, which indeed translates into “boar, deer, butterfly”.   Okay, and that’s why the title card for this episode displays three playing cards.   Not sure how they switched the deer with what is clearly a moose.   Maybe “shika” refers to both animals.   Let’s move on.

Goku’s wandering around hungry when he sees a family in a runaway vehicle.  It looks like half a motorcycle hitched to a trailer, so you tell me what it’s called.    He leaps into action and stops the thing with a bamboo tree.   The grateful family tells him that their brakes went out while they were trying to flee the vicious Inoshikacho.  

Just like the title of this cartoon!    Goku wants to fight the Inoshikacho, but they warn him that it’s super dangerous.   Well that only encourages him.   

No one really spells out that Inoshikacho is a chimera of three different animals.   Now that I see the guy, I’m satisfied that he has deer antlers and not moose antlers, so I guess it’s just the title card that messed up.   It’s probably just as well that Goku doesn’t get a description of the guy, or he’d probably want to eat him.   Goku’s pretty hungry.

Meanwhile, Krillin and Yamcha are sparring at Kame House while Bulma complains that Master Roshi isn’t teaching them anything.  Look, lady, the whole idea is they wear those heavy shells and delivery milk or fight bees or whatever it was.   He didn’t teach Goku anything either and he turned out okay.  The real question is why he’s letting them spar at Kame House instead of their usual regimen.

Bulma checks out the book Roshi is looking at, and shockingly it isn’t porn.   It’s actually a photo album with pictures from Roshi’s younger days.   This one is him with the Crane Hermit, who is holding a baby Inoshikacho. 

They start out pretty docile, but when they get upset, they’re hard to deal with.  Bulma asks where the Inoshikacho is now, and Roshi admits that he moved away soon after these photos were taken, so he has no idea.  

Well, we know, because when Goku heads to the village to find it, he discovers that someone else is way ahead of him.   Two martial artists already showed up and hired themselves out to the village to capture the beast.   Look, they’ve already got it cornered.

Wait, whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?   Tien and Chiaotzu?   But this is the Fortuneteller Baba Saga!  Yeah, these two haven’t been introduced in the manga just yet, but here’s a sneak preview of these guys.  They kick the Inoshikacho a couple of times and it goes down surprisingly easy.

The villagers are super grateful for the boys’ help, but T&C don’t care about that as long as they get their reward money.   Chiaotzu’s all about the dollah-dollah. 

Since they’re in a hurry to leave, Tien offers to dispose of the Inoshikacho corpse on their way out.  

And Chiaotzu helps himself to this corn that’s also hanging from somebody’s roof.   Chiaotzu’s also about that corny-corny.

Meanwhile, Goku’s just minding his own business, fishing with his tail because he’s still hungry.  As far as he knows, that whole Inoshikocho business is over with.   I’m kind of surprised he didn’t introduce himself to Tien and ask to spar with him, though.   Maybe he did and Tien brushed him off.

Then he smells something good, and follows his nose to... What’s this?!   Inoshikacho is alive??????   And eating corn on the cob with Tien and Chiaotzu????????????   The same martial artists who were hired to kill him???????   Is thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis what I’ve been paying for?

Yeah, so this is your basic “Martial-artists-pretend-to-kill-a-monster-but-they’re-really-in-cahoots” scam.   Goku doesn’t even understand that, but Tien’s convinced that he’s exposed their sweet racket, so now he’s gotta die.    At first, Chiaotzu squares up to fight him, but Tien tells him to back off and let him handle this.    Goku has no idea how lucky he is.    Tien just wants to kill him, but Chiaotzu would have devoured his soul.

So yeah, Tien’s really good at martial arts.  So is Goku, but he’s too hungry to fight back effectively, as this episode has reminded up like fifty times.  We get it, we’re not really seeing a sneak preview of the 22nd Budokai because neither fighter was prepared.    Goku’s had all day to find food, though.   It’s not like he’s picky either.    If he can’t find a wolf or a centipede in the middle of nowhere than that’s his own damn fault.

Goku still manages to dodge Tien’s attacks, so Tien kicks a tree instead and it crashes on top of Goku, who lacks the strength to hold it up.  

Tien decides to just leave Goku pinned under the tree and let him die of exposure.   I think I’ve talked about this before, but it really exposes Tien’s conflicted nature.   Yeah this sounds like a really cruel way to kill a guy, but it also shows us that Tien lacks the killer instinct to finish Goku off himself.  When Mercenary Tao failed to kill Goku, it was because he was too arrogant and careless to check the body for a pulse.   When Tien fails to kill Goku, it’s because he doesn’t have the stomach to reach down and break Goku’s neck with his bare hands. 

I’ll even go you one better and speculate that this is why Goku was somehow able to dodge all of Tien’s strikes.   In his head, he was trying to kill Goku, but his heart wasn’t into it, so he wasn’t putting his all into those attacks.  I’m not saying that Tien hasn’t killed before, or that he wouldn’t have killed a weaker target in this situation, but we know he’s strong enough to kill Goku and he definitely didn’t kill Goku, which says to me that something’s holding him back. 

As for Chiaotzu, he’s easy either way.    He’s got his money, he’s got his corn, he doesn’t mind peacing out and leaving Goku to die.

Meanwhile, Bulma wakes up from a nightmare involving Goku getting impaled on Inoshikacho’s antlers.   

Yamcha and Krillin don’t know what the big deal is.

As for the real Goku, he’s just fine.   He wakes up in the home of a girl named Tanmen, who feeds him.  I’m a little unclear on how he escaped from that tree, but the point is that he survived and he’s totally fine now that he’s got some food in him.   Goku explains Tien’s scam to Tanmen, and she’s pretty upset about it.

Meanwhile, Tien and Chiaotzu have already moved on to the next town.   Inoshikacho is wreaking havoc, and they’re just waitng for the right time to move in.   “I hope they have corn,” Chiaotzu says.   “They will,” Tien replies.

On his way after Tien, Goku runs into the same family as before.   Turns out they left the first village and took refuge in the very one that Inoshikacho is terrorizing right now.   Goku resolves to settle their has this time. 

By the time Goku arrives, T&C have already “captured” Inoshikacho and have it trussed up.  

But Goku comes along and tickles the supposedly “dead” monster and reveals that he’s still alive.   This proves that Tien and Chiaotzu are in choots with Inoshikacho!

But wait!  Tien puts a burning piece of wood under Inoshikacho, which proves he’s NOT in cahoots.   Would he allow an accomplice to suffer and die like this?   On the other hand, Goku takes pity on the creature and frees him, which Tien uses to “prove” that Goku’s the one who’s in cahoots with Inoshikacho!   

That trick fools the villagers into turning on Goku, but it also turns Inoshikacho against Tien.  He shoots him a dirty look as Goku comforts him, and the boys realize that Inoshikacho might never trust them again.

Goku doesn’t want to fight the villagers, and Inoshikacho is still hurt from his burn, so Goku has to pick him up and take him away to Tanmen’s village for help.

I think this is something that’s often overlooked whenever there’s discourse about Goku being a good husband or father.    He hardly knows Inoshikacho, other than the fact that he was a bad guy until about ten minutes ago, but he’s still carrying him all the way to the next town, just to get him some medical attention.   The argument I’ve seen is that Goku thinks about his wife and sons no differently from anyone else he knows, but that still goes a long, long way.   Personally, I think Goku loves his wife a lot more than Inoshikacho here, but even if this were as far as it goes, Goku would still be a great husband.   Most guys wouldn’t carry their wives several miles at night to save them from an angry mob.

Eventually Tanmen convinces the mob from the other village that Goku’s on the level, and everyone agrees to forgive Inoshikacho.   Inoshikacho, in turn, promises to be good, and he starts helping out around town and being a cool friend.   When Goku mentions that he’s training for the Tenkaichi Tournament, Inoshikacho offers to spar with him.   The narrator suggests that this is a big deal, since Inoshikacho knows how Tien fights, so this’ll be good preparation for Goku.   That might be overselling it a little, but it’s definitely a nice gesture.  

Anyway, Tien and Chiaotzu are on their way to Papaya Island for the 22nd Budokai and that sweet sweet prize money.    “I wanted corn,” Chiaotzu says.   “50,000 zeni can by many corns,” Tien explains.

[quenchmagazine]

3 not so corny ways to cook corn on the cob As seasons change, so does the food on the table! You know that winter is coming when you see the cornfields leveled to the ground. Corn is a staple in Written by Rebecca Hinchcliffe. #tastewithquench #learnwithquench #tastdIQ #quenchmag #wineIQ #beerIQ https://quench.me/food/3-ways-cook-corn-cob/

[onebizarrekai]

It's late, the sky is cloudy so there's no stars in sight. The moon can't be seen, not even as a glow beyond the clouds. Cross is sitting under a streetlamp, sobbing. It seems that all this time spent with nightmare is really getting to him. His negative aura is breaking through his defenses, making him feel worthless and miserable. He thinks he's alone, but doesn't see the shadow behind him, dripping with black goo and tears for Cross. (i'm sorry it's like 1 am)

Cross stiffens up as the arms of the one behind him wrap gently around his neck. He’s frozen with fear, his hand twitching to summon his sword, but quickly recognizes who it is.

It’s him… Nightmare. Cross can’t ever get away. Every bit of common sense within him would scream louder with each encounter, but Cross would never move, never make a sound.

It hurts him so much–Cross knows it isn’t good for him to be around Nightmare any longer. He has to get away, he knows that’s what he has to do.

But he doesn’t. He never does.

He doesn’t want to.

And he knows that Nightmare doesn’t want him to, either.

“Cross…” Nightmare utters just loud enough to be heard. “I’m sorry… This is so selfish of me.”

Cross says nothing, merely sitting still as tears continuously fall from his eye sockets.

“I suppose if I… really cared about you, I would let you go. We both know what’s better for you.” Nightmare holds Cross tighter, wrapping tendrils around him. “But I can’t. I want you to be mine, mine forever.”

“Night…mare…” Cross chokes out in his tears. He wipes them away, turning around in Nightmare’s arms.

He puts a hand on Nightmare’s cheek, leaning in to gently kiss him for the first time.

“I can’t leave…” Cross says. “I love you too much.” He lets out a nervous laugh as Nightmare stares at him.

“You don’t… deserve this…” Nightmare stammers. “This isn’t…”

“You’re right, I don’t deserve this,” Cross tells him. “I’m so not on your level.”

“You know what I mean, you idiot,” Nightmare says. “I put you in so much damn pain, you shouldn’t…”

“I don’t care,” Cross cuts him off again. “I know we can figure it out, whatever happens to me, whatever happens to you. I can’t leave you. I won’t leave you.”

Nightmare’s eye twitches and he promptly starts crying.

“… dammit,” he mutters. “This is so freaking corny. You’re corny. I’m corny. It’s all corn.”

“Corn is good,” Cross says.

“… what?” Nightmare asks, letting out a little laugh.

“I like corn on the cob. Can we have it for dinner?”

“What??”

[thehairtm-a]

* blondie !

‘ you’re out of your mind - you can even compare their discography ! are you telling me that that hey jude is on the same level as rio ? ? duran duran is too corny to be compared to something iconic like the beatles. ’

          ❛ uhhhhh, ‘hey jude’? more like ‘bye jude’. snorkkkk mimimimi. killin’ me! ❜   seriously, how do you even dance to hey jude? dumb.   ❛ -----and duran duran is not corny! they’re---- the cob. fresh. just what this generation needs. whaddo you know anyway, blondie? go whine about your glass heart somewhere else, it’s bleeding all over my good shoes. ❜

[horridzale]

please tell us about the best doggo you have ever known

ok this is gonna be a really difficult question because THEY’RE ALL GOOD DOGS ;u; but since I’m kind of biased, my first doggo was a golden retriever named Arlo we got when I was about 10-11:

prior to that I had actually considered myself more of a cat person despite being allergic to cats, but Arlo is the dog that made me love dogs.  He was playful and mischievous but also really compassionate, and I felt like he could understand us and communicate with us on an emotional level, if that makes sense?

Like, I’ll never forget the one time I was walking home and I stepped on the neighbor’s driveway that had just been sealed with that tar stuff.  The neighbor, who was a huge asshole and apparently abusive to his family (they got away from him and eventually he moved out of our neighborhood too, but that’s another story) saw me step on the driveway and fucking. just started screaming and swearing at me for ruining his driveway (the tar stuff wasn’t even wet anymore, he was just an absolute dingus) and called me a “god damn freak”

which scared the fuck out of me (I think I was like 12 and in full Ugly No Friends Nerd mode in my FFVII t-shirt and mom jeans) but I didn’t say anything, I just walked home quietly and went into the kitchen (my parents were still at work I guess) and sat down at the table, and Arlo did this thing where I s2doge he could always sense when I was upset and would walk over to me and try to cheer me up by paying attention to me.  and I just broke down crying

anyway he lived to be 13 years old and passed away at the end of 2009 after living with my (step)dad for 2 years when my parents got divorced.  I got to visit him a few hours before he was put to sleep, to say goodbye.  sometimes I feel like maybe I didn’t appreciate him enough when he was alive, you know? because he was my first dog and I was a dumb kid with emotional problems and I grew up and got distracted with college and stuff, and then suddenly my puppy was an old man and I should have cared for him better when we had him.  I still think about him all the time (I’m crying a little rn but I think that’s because I had alcohol) and I hope he knows how much we all loved him and how he’ll always be part of our family.  he really was a wonder dog and I miss him every day.

but yeah, sorry that was a corny post. here is an even cornier video of him stealing a corn cob

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YqOQjfQsI9U

[fuck-tumbler-ads]

SO QUIRKY 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

HAHAHA Corny movies!??!?!?!?! Being rated with CORN COBS?!?!?!?!🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽

Oh and there's 40 of them?!?!?! 40 CORNY MOVIES!??!?!?!

Words cannot describe the level of cringe that I feel looking at this.

[quenchmagazine]

3 not so corny ways to cook corn on the cob As seasons change, so does the food on the table! You know that winter is coming when you see the cornfields leveled to the ground. Corn is a staple in Written by Rebecca Hinchcliffe. #tastewithquench #learnwithquench #tastdIQ #quenchmag #wineIQ #beerIQ https://quench.me/food/3-ways-cook-corn-cob/

[quenchmagazine]

3 not so corny ways to cook corn on the cob As seasons change, so does the food on the table! You know that winter is coming when you see the cornfields leveled to the ground. Corn is a staple in Written by Rebecca Hinchcliffe. #tastewithquench #learnwithquench #tastdIQ #quenchmag #wineIQ #beerIQ https://quench.me/food/3-ways-cook-corn-cob/

[quenchmagazine]

3 not so corny ways to cook corn on the cob As seasons change, so does the food on the table! You know that winter is coming when you see the cornfields leveled to the ground. Corn is a staple in diets around the world. Full of Written by Rebecca Hinchcliffe. #tastdIQ #quenchmag #wineIQ #beerIQ https://quench.me/food/3-ways-cook-corn-cob/

[quenchmagazine]

3 not so corny ways to cook corn on the cob As seasons change, so does the food on the table! You know that winter is coming when you see the cornfields leveled to the ground. Corn is a staple in diets around the world. Full of Written by Rebecca Hinchcliffe. #tastdIQ #quenchmag #wineIQ #beerIQ https://quench.me/food/3-ways-cook-corn-cob/