#this is not a hate crime

[cold-fire-yo]

I jumped Bulph.

[eliotquillon]

if house md were running in 2024 there would be an episode with a patient who identifies as an ‘online content creator’ (cagily) where house agrees to take the case primarily because when he offhandedly refers to her as an onlyfans model both cameron and cuddy get really offended and say it’s a sexist assumption so he doubles down and becomes committed to finding the patient’s onlyfans and proving it. at some point it would be revealed that chase actually is an onlyfans model and started doing it as a stopgap after his dad died and he suddenly got disinherited but he makes so much money off it that now medicine is basically just a hobby. cameron and foreman both disagree with the concept online sex work but it turns out they disagree for different reasons (cameron thinks it’s exploitative and not-feminist, foreman finds it distasteful and thinks people should get ‘real jobs’) and spend most of their scenes together arguing about this while chase gets continually more shifty. they break into the patient’s house and there’s a full ringlight and camera setup which seems to confirm house’s suspicions. while trying to find the patient’s onlyfans house accidentally finds chase’s onlyfans instead and considers publicly embarrassing him about it like he did with wilson’s sex tape but soon realises that most of the staff at the hospital are already subscribed to chase’s onlyfans so makes fun of him for that instead. it then transpires that the reason why the patient is so cagey about being a content creator is that she’s an ASMR artist and all the soap she’s been shaving on camera has irritated her lungs. cuddy is about to make house give her 20 extra hours of clinic duty as recompense but at last minute it’s revealed that the website the patient uses for some of her bonus commissions is, drumroll…onlyfans, because she’s been banned from patreon. how does house know this? wilson is subscribed to her because the soap videos sometimes soothe him to sleep. something by cigarettes after sex plays. roll end credits.

[gaysexofficial]

based off this post by @75screamingtoads that made me start watching. as you can see my art gets progressively worse each panel lol

[75screamingtoads]

House in 2024

House: faggot

Foreman: I.. don't think you should be saying that

Chase: arh naur I theenk he carn archally. Ave you seenim with Wilson?

Cameron: I think it's a little rude to speculate about someone's sexuality while they're in the room

House: oh no no, let Chase continue. I wanna know when he'll start describing how I take in in the ass-

*house realizes something*

House: WE HAVE TO CHECK THE PATIENTS ASS

[puckspoetry]

POV: you wake up from a mouse bite induced coma

[sunnynabons]

Man also RIP Sir Arthur Conan Doyle you would've loved House MD

[just-rogi]

Greg House Big Naturals…

[bikimdokja]

House MD was crazy for having their mc be an autistic bisexual depressed disabled drug addict who canonically self harms and experienced abuse AND was in a doomed codependent toxic yaoiship with his repressed homosexual bestie

[wilsonsmcgillsweatshirt]

When their entire relationship is toxic, but they're both so fucked up that it's actually the best case scenario, because subjecting anybody else to either of them would be a human rights violation.

[sharlinefreire]

canon mlm rep be like "i like a boy..but im!?!? also a boy!? >-<??" meanwhile queerbaiting "if you die i'm alone".

[cowboylexapro]

look at my doctors dawg im gonna die

[lovelenivy]

mouse bites™

[housetzuyu]

this picture is cracking me up so bad house looks like a recently divorced dad who's spending the weekend with his son and decided to take him to the amusement park

[titojefie]

we do a little tomfoolery

[ravelqueen]

House deleting the message that would let Wilson immediately move out of his apartment, staring at his sleeping body in silence while the soundtrack is playing "love will make you do wrong" is actually insane, the lost craft of queerbaiting

[enimaximus]

I love how House MD episodes have these side plots where House is examining these random patients and every time it's some stupid shit, like yeah there's a patient with this extremely complicated case and we need to figure out a diagnosis but we can't ignore the guy with AN MP3 PLAYER UP HIS ASS in Exam Room One