#this is my second essay of the semester
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I’m being so normal over FNAF I swear
#if I wasn’t so tired I would be vibrating#this is my second essay of the semester#I just got my grades back and he complained about me yapping to much#I fear what he’ll say about this one#because I can’t not yap about fnaf it’s fnaf#I’m still normal though#also to a certain someone#I AL NOT COMPARING CHARLIE EMILY TO JESUS CHRIST#I KNOW YOURE READING THIS#LEAVE ME ALONE
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I really really REALLY wanna talk about Coalecroux and its significance to both Kremy and Gideon’s character arcs (both separately and together, because their character arcs are actually really similar the more I think about it), and I started on the draft, but it’s a REALLY long ramble. Like, it’s about as long as my highschool English essays, and I’ve only talked about Gideon so far. It’s…really long, and I’d feel bad subjecting yall to my rambling (that’s essentially the equivalent of my highschool essays, bc I’m making points and providing evidence. I’m not even remotely kidding)
#tho now I wish I got into loa during my second semester of college#maybe I wouldn’t have flunked#tho let’s be honest it was kinda inevitable with my mental state at the time#legends of avantris#once upon a witchlight#ouaw#kremy lecroux#gideon coal#coalecroux#I mean if yall wanna read my essay-like rambling I’ll post it once I finish it#I’m just warning yall…it’s a lot
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ngl i've been dealing with burnout for nearly this entire year and the goddamn hurricane Did Not Help but by now it's shifted to this very weird flavor where i'm like constantly rotating drawing ideas & full fics i want to write in my brain & Really Wanting to work on them but then once i get as far as opening sai or google docs i just go "hm. dont wanna"
#trousled rants#i'm blaming my shitty freshman year of college idc. started so strong and then my second semester gave me 13 well-researched essays........#fun fact if any college freshmen are reading this & also still learning to navigate freshly-diagnosed disabilities um. dont do that#a lotta ppl can handle it fine but im a new media major bro im not built for that shit. i am getting a degree in shapes and colors#anyway this is mostly me explaining why i've been so inactive lol. obviously helene did A Number but i was already smoldering before that#i'll get back to ebony eventually.....i'll update napstabot eventually........i'll get back on the atbb refs grind eventually..............#i actually got as far as finishing both sf bros & moving onto stretch since i last worked on em. but i have to redo him bc i dont like ittt#the pose wasn't working w me and the small changes i made didnt give him as strong of a silhouette as i thought lol#there's also a oneshot idea i've had in my brain long enough to know exactly what words i want to use to describe certain specific details#i know precisely how it starts and how it ends and how i'll transition from one thing to another and how to make it all connect#and i have not written a single sentence 👍#blah blah u get it another update from my wambulance#at this point i'm just annoyed about it more than anything ngl#may things get So Much Easier in 2025. or god help me i will make it everyone else's problem
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"yellowjackets is like if the terror was with teenage girls" WRONG. those girls were just living their truth. all cannibals are teenage girls. ergo: every man in the terror is really a teenage girl. Thank you for coming to my ted talk
#every cannibal is a babygirl at heart#also lmao I can't believe I forgot for a hot second that francis crozier did eat a man but I always remember#(under duress sure but his babygirlification is complete)#also it's very funny to me that this show takes no shame in showing its inspirations and that the terror was def one of them#literally they both have a christ figure character who close to death begs for them to use their body for food when they die#anyway this is my manifesto#the terror#yellowjackets#someone wrote about this show for their final essay in film class this semester. kudos.
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Stayed up past midnight (usually sleep at 10) just to call dibs on the spring classes I wanted
#and i got them!#it was only 2 classes but 1 of them is english 101#so i wanted to snatch up a nice 11am full-term class#the other is exclusively online and it’s math for computer science#not technically required but it means one of the elective requirements and it’s applicable to my degree#i’m probably gonna regret taking a second class alongside english but it’s fiiiiiiiine#(english is simultaneously my strongest subject and my worst class)#(it’s the executive dysfunction paired with hyperlexia)#(i either finish the book in one sitting or i’m studying sparknotes before the test)#(research essays are hell on earth but i can write a damn good short story or poem)#(i have failed multiple english classes because i just burnout from the essays and the reading)#(but it’s my only english requirement so if i can just get through one semester then i can be done with it once and for all)
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Such a horrifying feeling to finish an assignment at 11:59, revel in your victory for a few minutes, close out of it to the Canvas homepage, and see tomorrow’s assignments already waiting for you on your to-do list because it’s past midnight
#🤓posting#soooo tired#rehearsal was so long today. it went well though#but I had to speedrun my essay that was due tonight and there was some stuff I didn’t get to include#I was already like 500 over the upper end of the word minimum though so lol#hopefully my prof doesn’t mind… he just said MORE THAN 1500-2500#so I figure 3000 is fine…. right 😅😅#anyway I had a second assignment due after and only like 10 mins before midnight#luckily it was easy and worth barely any points and I’ve had a 100% in that course all semester#but blehh#so sleepy#goodnight
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guess who has a final due tomorrow and has hardly started working on it hahahaha...
#friday chats#my brain just will not stay in focus mode long enough. am i screwed? perhaps#man what happened :(( last year i was whipping out 1000-word essays that earned me decent Bs in under five hours#on the day the essays were due.#this year i've failed to turn in two essays and have struggled to complete most of my homework. esp this second semester#(not in a difficulty way in a ''i get home and i can't bring myself to do jack shit'' way)#it's like. as soon as i leave school premises my focus and energy go whoosh#obviously i've heard adults talking about senior-itis since freshman year#but they always made it sound like a laziness ''i'm almost done so idc anymore'' way#what the fuck is this then. i'm just TIRED and MISERABLE. i want to be DONE so i can REST#(and even then once school's out i'll still have fuckin' COLLEGE STUFF TO SORT OUT)#banging my head on the desk when does it END
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finals week has been kicking my ass so heres to finishing more art and updating howlclan
#ive already got some posts in drafts but i cannot allow myself to draw and procrastinate rn...#i had like three essays due last Wednesday and one due by the end of the week#plus a math exam in the morning which is where ive been all day#shummy screaming into the void#also got hired finally + a better paying job hit me up for an interview too so we'll see where this goes...#not having a car sucks cause i would lowkey take both jobs but now i have to plan how to fizzle out of this first one if i do get hired at#this second place. ive had a very busy week#RGAAAAHHHHH MANIFESTING A GOOD EXAM SCORE TOMORROW#ty to all of my commissioners for being patient this semester hit me like a fcking brick by golly
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I really need to curb my procrastination habits next semester...
It's gotten to the point that the deadlines are so close I'm calculating what the minimum grade I need to achieve is to keep my GPA above 3.0 and doing only the bare minimum
#next semester will undoubtedly have many more essays too bc ill be taking 3 english classes on top of a second language and 2 gen eds#so uh#gonna try working on that over the break by working on some personal projects and assigning my own deadlines#and when the syllabi for my classes are released next semester i might set assignment due dates a day or two earlier#just so im motivated to finish them a bit earlier#but seriously im literally at the point where im like#'alright if i just do these 2 questions for the final ill still pass this class & doing x in this other class is just enough to keep my 3.0'#amber's shit you can ignore
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Pls sir,, put me out of my misery, cut me off, this extension has been too far extended just tell me I'll pass with what I've got so far and end this TORTURE
#i appreciate my professor wants to accommodate but. sir. the academic year is over pls just call me out on my bs now#THE ACADEMIC YEAR IS OVER ND I AM STILL DOING HOMEWORK MAKE IT STOP THE EXTENSIONS ARE NO LONGER HELPING ME#i tried to set a cutoff date but then i didn’t meet it and was like. welp time to continue working#i see my psychologist in 5 days & i'm gonna have to admit that i didn't stick to the plan#i have to go to a wedding tomorrow 💀#THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DONE LAST WEEKEND. TECHNICALLY SEVERAL WEEKENDS AGO BUT THE LAST AGREED UPON TIME WAS LAST WEEKEND#BUT MY TEACHER SAID IT WAS FLEXIBLE BY A FEW DAYS. THAT WAS A MISTAKE SIR#hope he enjoys my unfinished essays lol#pls god let me just pass#< says person who scored HDs on their first two semantics assignments & proceeded to falter at the essays#last year second semester I got HDs followed by a fail. making an overall pass. hhhhhhh and the hISTORY BOOK ON THE SHELF#IS ALWAYS REPEATING ITSELF#speaking of napoleonic history. time to read today's chapter of war and peace#hhhhhhhhhh#braindump
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YES I know I said I’m taking a little hiatus from writing on here to focus on finishing my original works, but I’m close to 3k and I kinda wanna do an event!!!!! Im not sure of what though so suggestions are welcomed!!!!!
#I would do a poll but I literally have no clue what to even list as an option lol#kinda wanna so short burst writings where it’s more self ship-y#if that makes sense#or like creating mood boards for people and their self ship#I don’t think I’d ever do a match up tho bc I’d give everyone their favs LOL#also I still haven’t even worked on my original story yet ajdhdjf#I’m gonna try tomorrow but then again I think I might just wait until the semester is over#I’m on my second to last week and my final projects are very long and dumb and unnecessary#so it’s hard being creative when I’m putting so much effort into STUPID SHIT#LIKE MAKING A PPT AND WRITING AN ESSAY ABOUT THE SAME SHIT#BUT I CANT USE THE SAME MATERIAL#so dumb bye I hate it#anyway pls give suggestions if you have any!!!#—in store chit chat! 🍫
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I'M FINALLY FREE. LET'S FUCKING GO.
#going to treat myself with food and wine and fics i think#my lecturer gave us an extension on the second essay#love that man#a king#gonna buy flowers for him when the semester ends#i will be unhinged tonight probably#rj talks
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I hate everything but my writing most of all
#it's so terrible#i just want this stupid story to be done#we weren't even supposed to have a creative writing assignment in this class#the professor randomly added it a week ago#it's not on the syllabus#second time they've pulled this shit actually#i'm so tired#this semester has gone on for years#i just want it to be done so i can go home#my advisor's sending me notes on my thesis and i just can't deal with any of this anymore#i have to write an essay this weekend on a book i really couldn't care less about#i'm just so tired#i feel like i broke weeks ago#and yet i'm still here for some stupid reason#i can't do this for five more weeks#i'm so sick of it#college things#delete later
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god I wish I could rip Instagram apart with my teeth I hate it I hate it I hate it
#kibumblabs#whenever I think about it and what it does (in general but mostly to artists) I go into a feral anti-capitalist blind rage#it is legitimately killing art. it is killing what it means to be an artist and replacing it with corporate brainrot#and it’s disgusting to me to think about kids going into art and getting brainwashed into believing you should sacrifice agency over your#time and what you create and etc in order to create a Brand is the most important thing– or rather a DEFINING thing– about being an artist#it’s just. god it makes me mad#I won’t even get into how it also rips your mental health to shreds and strips your ego and ability to enjoy what you do and etc#but you know. there’s that too#I could write a fucking essay on this man and maybe I should at some point honestly#what’s sad though is that the Instagram art account mentality is already so normalized and so in-line with how companies/corporations like#disney or blizzard or basically any animation/game company and whatnot work that it’s easy to have that mindset reinforced by comparison to#those ‘legitimate’ non-freelance jobs#like that’s how they do it at fucking riot games or whatever so it must be the Right Way To Do Art. constantly and painfully by everyone#else’s standards but your own. no! it’s not! stop sucking the industry’s dick and look up for a second#and yes that applies to freelancers because like I said this new freelance art mentality directly corresponds with how corporate art jobs#operate. just. think about it on an existential long-term level. you shouldn’t fucking waste your life for that shit#sorry I’m kinda spiraling cause it’s such a personally relevant topic especially with recently stepping out of art school and debating if#I’ll return or not next semester and all that because yeah my school is a direct pipeline into The Industry and thus it operates like#The Industry. and I thought that was something that’s a pro when I was going into this school but boy. it really hits you when you’re#slogging away worked to the point of carpal tunnel/wrist problems being a normal and accepted thing being expected to sacrifice your#physical and mental health and so on just#oh! this is going to be my life from now on. forever. this isn’t temporary to get a degree this is a model of the industry im being injected#into and if anything it’s just going to get worse staying in this pipeline. Don’t Forget You’re Here Forever#and yeah I just. how do you continue under those conditions and expectations?#I don’t know what I’m gonna do yet man- I’m gonna get a bachelors it just may be at a state college instead– but beyond that idk but it’s#become too taxing on my time and health to just say ‘it is how it is’ and do something that’ll kill me slowly for a company’s profit.#something something marx was right something something
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wdym i have to do research for class😃
#15 respondents?????????are you crazy??????????#this is my second semester i am not ready for assignments like these#research as in fucking scientific research as in i have to do the fucking research and not just write an essay out of them#🌺
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yeah another point for IR being the weirdest fucking class ive taken at uni so far. turns out the exam is an open-book open-web series of 3 mini-essays that we are given 24 hours to do?? good news is im significantly less fucked bad news is it started at 9am today and is due at 9am tomorrow and also the instructions/expectations are slightly unclear and i only learnt this at like 3pm today. who designs this shit LMAOO
#this class has routinely had deadlines at times that arent midnight which is extremely fucking stupid#considering the fact that all of my other classes have deadlines at either midnight or end of the school day#AT LEAST IT WILL BE OVER AFTER THIS#just a brisk all-nighter. im on my adhd meds and a can of monster. ive got one of the mini essays done and ive started the second one.#surely this wont have a negative impact on my health! 😃#then i can play my games and do my art yippeeeeeee#i promise to myself that i will only pick classes im actually interested in next semester
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