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whateverthedragonswant · 4 years ago

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RIGHT, she always wants the upper hand. No equals. Good point! So one last question as we are on a roll! Now, if we accept that Dany believes she loves Jon and Jon's feelings for Dany are maybe love, maybe part infatuation/lust and part political. WTF was going on with Jon and Sansa? I felt they kinda had that "love triangle framing" but the show never committed to it. Was it just a mistake and bad audience interpretation? Some days I'm convinced the show hints at it and other days I don't know.

Lol absolutely, my friend! Oooo, yes I would love to dig into this with you. I’m warning you that possibly another 100 page paper may be headed your way. ;-)

Jon & Sansa - the would they/wouldn’t they pair. It’s a loaded question with an even more loaded answer but I will try my best.

They definitely were going for a love triangle. There was no mistake, I don’t think, or even bad audience interpretation or any shippers wearing shipping goggles for the triangle or either of those pairings. I think it was all very intentional and we picked up on it because of them doing it intentionally.

Like you mentioned, the framing, the promos, the cast interviews, the story, the 8x06 script confirming Sansa loves Jon and Jon knows it, hell even the editing -- all of it lead up to exactly what we saw playing out on screen. And I believe they did this for one reason & one reason only (sadly): to be a contributing factor to Dany’s fall. To cause Dany paranoia not only because of her feelings for Jon, but also as a political opponent (& rival queen, like that tense moment in 8x04 where Dany makes sure to say “under their rightful queen” at Sansa and Sansa’s chin lift). I personally didn’t care for this portion of the story they chose to tell in that last season (and I know a lot of people like to say “Jon and Sansa as a ship is weird, they’re siblings, even the show said they only love each other like siblings” to which I say “its GoT for crying out loud, the Starks have married cousins before, Jon and Sansa were not close growing up & have been separated for years now” & then point to all below, the 8x06 script confirmation of Jon knowing that Sansa loves him, and ask why Sansa was a point of contention for Dany then when it comes to Jon at all if there wasn’t something there, it doesn’t make sense, but I digress). There are so many similarities (maybe not as many as there are differences between them but they’re there) between the two characters. And while I understand Sansa’s suspicion of Dany being an actual tyrant and it’s all in character, I didn’t care for them having two of the strongest female characters on the show essentially fighting over a man when it was about so much more than that for both of them. But alas, that’s what we got.

Before the 8x06 script confirming the love triangle angle they went for, they definitely showed:

Sansa giving heart eyes to Jon in 8x04 (0:08 - x), her jealousy to Dany and Jon’s warm smile exchange & getting up to leave right after that moment

her heartbroken expression in her argument with Jon when asking if he bent the knee to save the North or because he loved Dany in 8x01 (which of course, we never got a textual answer for from Jon himself)

Dany suspecting jealousy in her convo with Sansa in 8x02 with “you know he loves you” “and that bothers you?” and then Dany’s look trying to gauge if that’s the case

Sansa’s “why her?” when watching Dany and the dragons flying above Winterfell & her emotional reaction to Tyrion saying that Jon has told him that he’s not a Stark (which I think had more to do with her being upset that he still thinks this no matter how many times she’s told him otherwise, that she’s losing him, as family & as someone she loves) (2:27 - x)

her expression when saying goodbye to Jon at the dock in 8x06 (2:05 - x, I think this particular part was meant to be multi-layered, he’s her family that she’s losing, she’s in love with him, she couldn’t save him from his fate, she’s sorry that she had to tell his secret and break his trust, she’s sorry that he had to be the one to kill Dany to save them & the world by extension, she regrets that she can’t get him freed or restored as the King in the North, that she couldn’t keep him completely safe, all of it -- not to mention in the script, this is the part where it mentions that Jon knows Sansa loves him but he can’t forgive her for telling her secret and what it led to, which I personally think over time he would have, she’s still his family and he killed his love to keep her safe but moving on)

plus all of Sansa’s hoping for Jon to return & mentions of him in season 7

Littlefinger’s knowing expression (2:37 - x) as Sansa watches Jon depart from Winterfell after he was choked/threatened by him in response to Littlefinger telling Jon that he loves Sansa like he did Cat

It was all meant to set up this love triangle, if you will.

Personally, my feelings on it are complicated because on one hand, I’m glad that it confirmed everything I had been picking up on watching the show, especially from 6x04 and on. On the other hand, I was annoyed because they confirmed Sansa’s feelings but not explicitly textually, and only used them to help further along Dany’s story in the end while making Sansa look like the horrible villain (like they were trying to make her a Littlefinger 2.0), regardless of how her story ended. I remember a lot of people actually hating on Sansa for that decision that she made and I was there holding my hand up going “wait, do you know her character, though? do you not realize she didn’t tell his secret and break his trust to get at Dany or to get back at Jon? that she actually did it to save his life? have you ever seen the movie Gladiator? you can’t kill someone publicly without reason in this universe, not if you’re going to be sitting on an iron chair in this country and are hoping to come across as the savior of the people, the benevolent but strong queen, a secret is much easier to snuff out, folks.” That’s one of the ways I believe Sansa’s characterization got muddled in the end. Everything she did, she did to protect Jon and her family as well as the North, and Arya confirms it in dialogue in 8x01, what Sansa’s true motivations were at the time (not to mention David Nutter’s direction to Sophie for the courtyard scene with Dany “This is your house”) and that’s why Arya stood fast with her. But I’m going off on a tangent, sorry, back to the Jonsa/love triangle framing.

Here’s what I believe on this despite the obvious plot device they turned the love triangle setup into:

For Jonerys, they promo’ed it heavily for the last season, right? There was this:

And of course this:

They had been given a love scene in 7x07

Dany’s costume from 7x06 to 8x03 was meant to indicate that Dany was in love with Jon as reported by Michele Clapton, the (brilliant) costume designer

they even had their own love theme “Truth” that was being played during some, if not most, of their scenes

They were purposely framed:

the shot of them coming out of the cave together in 7x04

them sitting at the table in the great hall together in 8x01 (which they definitely threw Sansa in there as well)

the shot of them closing the door in the boat cabin in 7x07

them standing together talking about the dragonglass in 7x03 with the dragons in the background

them walking back to the castle in 7x05 after Dany returns from battle

them talking privately in the dragonpit 7x07 while waiting for Tyrion

them walking up to the dragons in 8x01

them watching the Dothraki attack the White Walkers in 8x03 from the mountaintop

them framing Tyrion in the middle when the White Walkers arrive at Winterfell in 8x02 (because let’s face it Tyrion will be coming between them in a way in 8x06)

them standing & facing Lyanna’s statue in the crypt in 8x02

them standing at the waterfall in 8x01 and kissing

them on dragons at the same time in 8x03 in battle mode

the whole framing of their warm smile exchange in 8x04 and then them standing together in the bedroom scene in the same episode

them standing together in the destroyed throne room in 8x06

They did all of that to show that this is a couple and a power couple at that, which could possibly turn into a ruling couple. Even at the premiere of the final season, I remember at the time seeing a photo circulating around this site, showing that Sophie, Kit, and Emilia were placed within vicinity of each other when the cast took the stage, and even then it was obvious not only that they were playing up the Jonerys angle but also the love triangle framing (especially with this promo at 1:11 x). They knew they had an audience for that particular angle but in this last season, they brought it to the forefront, just not in the way anyone would expect (in their minds). That’s why they had the cast (namely Kit and Sophie) drumming up PR since season 7 (and possibly earlier), hinting and teasing that there would be so much tension between Jon and Sansa, that there would be a power struggle (wtf? what power struggle? because she questioned a decision of his & it showcased just how different he was from rulers before him like Joffrey & showed us he was a good ruler, one she believes in? sure, Jan, power struggle, sure) and all of that good stuff. Because what did everyone expect to be endgame?

And those who didn’t that maybe thought Jon might be in love with Sansa or vice versa, or even if there was going to be another romance for Jon or Sansa or both:

And the thing D&D and the show kept saying? “Subvert expectations” -- that was their whole goal while trying to tell this story

Personally, I don’t think they ever intended to make either pairing endgame. I believe they wanted people to think one or the other, but I don’t think they ever intended to go further than that (that I’m aware of, I should say). I know there were some rumors that supposedly they had planned for a Jonsa endgame all along, and had even shot scenes for one, but I don’t think they did (if I’m wrong, I would be more than happy to be). And the reason I don’t think they did besides for the love triangle to be a plot device contributing to the end they had in mind for all three characters? The way they ended everyone else’s arcs that did not make a lick of sense. I think Jonsa was heavily foreshadowed as Ned and Cat 2.0 but I think they planned to do it only to bring this to the viewers’ minds in order to make Sansa a romantic and political rival, enough that Dany sees the threat, Jon knows it, and it influences Sansa’s decisions enough that it also affects Jon’s and Dany’s decisions.

As much framing as they did for Jonerys, they also did for Jonsa. The only difference was that it began more almost subtle (though the framing was screaming loudly even back when they were building up their forces to take back Winterfell in season 6), Sansa wasn’t a queen yet, and she didn’t have dragons or a direwolf pack behind her. This is just my personal opinion, but I think Sansa was always meant to play a part in this triangle, like I mentioned Sansa and Dany have many similarities, they also show the contrast between both ladies in Jon’s life as well as how they would rule as queens (while hinting he would be the King half of each relationship):

I don’t remember where this post is (if I find it again, I’ll come back and edit, I want to give them proper credit) but I know I saw it on here somewhere. Roz confirms in season 3 that when Sansa was born, they rang the bells all day in Winterfell. (x) When Dany was born, not only was there a great storm with dogs howling all night (which further proves she is one of the two threats to Westeros like GRRM said) (x) but what was going on while she made the decision to torch KL? They were ringing the bells to surrender (x)

Sansa organizes the defense for Jon (like a Queen Regent would do), handles the Littlefinger situation, and rules the North while the pack makes its way back home so to speak in season 7 all while Jon is away; granted Dany already has her armies, she is already a queen, so she doesn’t need to do any of this and she does go to North to assist Jon in the Great War & save Jon and the guys in 7x06 but she also chooses to burn all of the supplies in the battle with the Lannisters in 7x04, doesn’t really concern herself with the little things like food (I know she has a Council for that but I think they show this contrast purposely to show she’s not really a ruler) and gets annoyed when that is questioned (granted Sansa was a bit snarky here but it was a very good point to make and actually echoes Jon’s own ruling method/concerns from season 5 as Lord Commander)

Sansa brings reinforcements for Jon in 6x09 using her connections so to speak just like Dany shows up to save Jon in 7x06 & brings her forces north in 8x01 to assist in the Great War

Dany is shown ruling in 8x02 when Jaime Lannister arrives but eventually she is outvoted (which is a nice way of putting it lol) by Sansa and Jon who agrees with the logic of getting every person they can get to fight this war - but they also make sure to show that while Dany isn’t listening to Jaime or Tyrion (as her Hand), Sansa listens to Brienne (her sworn sword) and that factors into her decision making, meaning she will weigh everything and not let anger or emotion cloud the issue & she will take things under advisement before so doing

the convo that takes place in 8x02 between Dany and Sansa, when Dany walks into the library, Sansa is seen giving instructions to keep the gates open for more people to come for safety to Royce who gives her respect after, and the bare minimum respect to Dany as he leaves - we also see Sansa thinking of everything outside the Great War box by asking about what happens afterwards and after they defeat Cersei, and then of course we see Dany’s narrow scope of an answer “I take the iron throne” and she has no answer for what after which launches Sansa into steel mode & asking again about the North more strongly

after their convo, we see Sansa and Dany walking in and standing in front of Theon and his men. Theon gives Dany her due respect as their queen but he makes it clear who he is there to address, who he is there to fight for, and gives Sansa her due respect as well. But we also see Sansa’s reaction to Theon pledging to fight for them as we see Dany’s reaction to all of this and her confusion, seeing it’s not duty that Theon is fighting for, but love, love for Sansa & his chosen family -- more importantly, love that Dany doesn’t have which she confirms in 8x04 and 8x05

We see Sansa make the point in the battle planning scene in 8x04 about the men needing to rest, that the generals need to be spoken to. Dany who feels she has waited long enough after she came to fight the Great War alongside Jon doesn’t want to hear this. But it actually is a very good point to make & consider, as we know. Yes, Dany still won in the end, but possibly she wouldn’t have lost Missandei (we can only assume) or Rhaegal or anymore men or wouldn’t have even razed KL to the ground (possibly). But because she didn’t want to wait and it was Sansa who made that point, it’s immediately dismissed.

We see Sansa as someone who would go to war for her family by the dragonpit scene in 8x06 - while she’s in love and they’re threatening the guy she’s in love with who is another member of her family who is being held captive, she is not unleashing fury unless Jon gets hurt which is confirmed by her dialogue to Grey Worm; yes, Dany holds back in 8x04 when Tyrion attempts to compromise with Qyburn & Cersei while they hold Missandei captive & Euron has already killed Rhaegal, she did not attack KL as soon as she landed in Westeros, but the desire to was always there & showed to us in moments throughout the last 2 seasons, never mind all of the hints we were given of what would happen if she came over to Westeros before then

Another contrast is how Dany handles executions vs how Sansa handles them - both are brutal of course and not fun, but how they were conducted says a lot (though they both definitely have in common that they both swing the sword so to speak after they pass the sentence) - Sansa gave Littlefinger his chance to defend himself as he asked though no one would help him, Varys was never given that chance (even if she told him what she would do to him if she discovered him betraying her, which in a way he did look her in the eye first and tell her like she asked but she ignored him and I don’t think that constitutes as a full betrayal, he was never given a trial like setting, only a chance to say his last words, which fun fact that Cersei does the same with Missandei and slightly weirder but I suppose it was weird at the time since Jon was fresh back from the dead, Jon in season 6 with his murderers, though the crimes are: Littlefinger - getting Ned Stark beheaded and starting the Lannister/Stark conflict, Varys - treason, attempt to overthrow a ruler, Missandei - being in the wrong place at the wrong time & for shock value, Night’s Watch murdering squad - murdering Jon so all different I suppose if I’m being fair, but the styles of executions...I’m just saying)

Sorry, I ran off on a tangent there for a minute but I think it all relates to the whole framing of this love triangle and Jonsa itself. Jonsa was definitely going to be a thing, maybe not the way we thought it would, but it was definitely brought to the forefront in season 8. And they purposely hooked us with the framing they gave Jonsa alone as Ned and Cat 2.0. Like Robb, Jon is named King in the North. Instead of the Young Wolf, he is the White Wolf. His costumes and hair styles are meant as callbacks to Ned. Sansa’s own look is meant to be a callback to Cat though she has different hairstyles and different costumes. Her dress in 8x04 at the feast has a scale-like look to it and this is also meant to call back to the Tully side of the family (which is interesting because she’s a Stark through and through yet in this moment, a moment where we see her giving heart eyes to Jon, she is wearing a dress meant to callback to her mother while Jon had just been sitting at the head of the table where Ned would have sat...yep). There were tons of shots framing them as the ruling couple of Winterfell, as Ned and Cat come again:

Oh and this gem in comparison to the hand shot up above for Jonerys:

Not to mention the callbacks in other ways:

Ned choking Littlefinger in season 1 when going to meet Cat in a brothel --> Jon choking Littlefinger in the crypt in 7x02 after the latter admits he’s in love with Sansa, just like her mother

Ned & Cat watching Bran practicing archery in the courtyard before they are interrupted --> Jon (and Sansa with Davos) in 7x02 watching people practicing archery in the courtyard as they discuss Tyrion’s scroll; Jon & Sansa talking in 7x01 above the courtyard when they are interrupted)

This brilliant video shows so many parallels, visually and textually, that show the Ned/Cat & Jon/Sansa callbacks so much better than I ever could

Michele Clapton is one hell of a brilliant costume designer. She is the one who said the costumes on the characters will hint at their desires. She is the one who went in depth on what certain costumes or accessories mean, so much so that they tell their own story outside of the acting, framing, music, and dialogue. She’s really brilliant. Jon was in a similar costume to Ned in 6x09 in the tent scene and then during the Battle of the Bastards. Then, Jon was in Stark clothing up until the end of 8x02, until he was in a sigil-less costume (funnily enough after he is having his identity crisis) though he still maintains the Stark cloak. He continues to don that cloak, except at the feast in 8x04.

Though when he goes to battle in 8x05, he is wearing the Stark emblem as expected, since he’s leading the Northmen into the fight. But then Arya shows up at the end after Tyrion has been arrested, as Jon watches Dany walking away which funnily enough they’re playing a Targaryen-esque theme again, and boom there’s Arya and his choice is in his face again but moving on. Then when he goes to talk to Tyrion, he has no Stark clothing, all sigil-less again. (I think this was done because he still hadn’t made a decision yet while they also were trying to keep the audience in the dark as to what would happen). But when he goes to talk to Dany, even though his clothing is sigil-less, his outfit looks very familiar to what Ned and Robb have worn in the past (indicating stealthily that he had made his decision, not to kill Dany, but that he was a Stark). Sansa’s crown has two wolves at the top, meant to symbolize the pack/her family as was her coronation dress. In my opinion, I don’t think she ever gave up hope that Jon or Arya would return home at some point.

So when it comes to Jonsa, I don’t agree completely with what they did but I do think those who rooted for them as a pairing or just their characters individually were left a very generous open ending so that others could take it and do what they would with it (fanfic, fanart, etc), that this open ending could make room for GRRM’s own ending in the last two books (I’m not sure how this will go in the books, if he even has any plans for it, but I have seen a lot of meta circulating on this site from the book readers who like the idea of the pairing showing clues they’ve picked up that there could be a hint to a Jonsa ending).

To answer your question with a long lengthy answer (sorry!), yes I think they intended to frame Jonsa romantically but not have Jon reciprocate or confirm/deny textually (or even have Sansa put words to it textually). Because they weren’t going to go with one of the predictable endings after all of the hinting/foreshadowing had been laid, (terrible writing to use the Ned/Cat thing as a red herring since the Starks were the underdogs to begin with, no pun intended) GRRM even says himself you can’t just suddenly change it, or do framing to build up something only so you can use it later on as a red herring and then go “gotcha! you didn’t expect that, did you? Oh I’ll give you Jon and Dany but not how you expect, oh I’ll give you Jon and Sansa but not how you expect, oh I’ll give you Jon as a king but not how you expect, expectations and predictability are the scourge that must be subverted at all costs” so they can pat themselves on the back with a “job well done” at fooling the audience and how they shocked them and go “OMG I did not see that coming!” I say the same for Jonerys with the pregnancy/child talk and even their framing, though at least they followed through on the romance part of it textually (regardless of story intentions).

And they definitely intended there to be a love triangle between Dany, Jon, and Sansa:

(the last one is I think meant to show the ruling portion, especially as Dany as the head, but it also shows these were the three main characters when it came to power, despite Cersei of course - though I think Jaime represents that Lannister reminder here as well & she’s being discussed so we don’t forget who still sits on the IT - and despite all the supporting players that go into the whole story)

The whole funeral scene in 8x04 (x) - we see Dany mourning Jorah, then Sansa mourning Theon and then who do they show afterwards? Jon. Then they show Dany walking back to her side, then Sansa walking back to hers in the wide shot. In 4:42, in the wide shot, it’s Sansa, Jon, and then Dany at the funeral pyres, watching them burn. Even when they’re walking away, they’re framed again with Dany in the middle of Jon and Sansa. Then they show Dany’s face, then Sansa’s. It’s just nuts. (to me, this whole scenario gave it away that we opened with two queens mourning their two knights/courtly lovers if you will, and then the rest which just proved more to me that this was a love triangle and that Sansa was in the running to be a queen just as much as Dany and Cersei were). We also see the scene where Jon studies Lyanna Mormont’s body and then turns to look at Dany who is just looking at him, waiting for him to give the signal to light the pyres. I might be reading too much into it but I find it interesting that Lyanna is the one he is going to burn, the same girl who presses Jon when he returns in 8x01 for giving up his crown & holds his feet to the fire, that she was the first to proclaim him as her king in 6x10 - x, first to come to Jon & Sansa’s aid in season 6 that we were shown though that was also due to Davos’ intervention, that she was loyal to House Stark even back when Stannis was around & this shot is followed by him looking at Dany, the reason he is no longer King in the North.

And how many times did Dany mention Sansa to Jon over that season after meeting her? Why was Sansa the one (I mean chosen story wise) to break the secret and be the catalyst for Varys to attempt to usurp Dany with Jon? That Dany was bothered by the most besides Cersei? Yes as a rival queen, a political rival, sure, but she mentions Sansa to Jon far too many times for it to be strictly that. She mentions Cersei a fair bit, too, but the tone is very different, even after Missandei being executed and Rhaegal being killed. Cersei is a bug to be crushed that simply stands in her way and has taken things from her that she should have never touched (the IT, Missandei, Rhaegal) but Sansa... Sansa is almost mentioned with as much vitriol (though way less name calling) by Dany as she is by Cersei. (The War of Five Kings? I think this really became the War of Three Queens at some point)

While Jon chose to protect his family, Arya was not pushing for Jon to kill Dany, she was only pushing for Jon to wake up and realize that he’s not safe since he would always be considered a threat to Dany (x) and would eventually end up being killed (”I know a killer when I see one”). And while I believe Arya would have stood by Sansa loyally and never backed down (that would have put her in danger in Jon’s mind solely, since he doesn’t know about her faceless training), Sansa was really the one that he knew wouldn’t bow down to Dany. The dialogue in that scene “Try telling Sansa” in 8x06, Tyrion mentioning Jon’s sisters and then Sansa specifically in that jail scene in the same episode (though I know he did this to also get through to Jon, exploiting this weak point) (x), Jon’s question to Dany in the throne room later on “what about everyone else? what about all of the other people who think they know what’s good?” and Dany’s “they don’t get to choose” (x) followed by Jon’s look afterwards...he knows, he also knows Sansa won’t back down and she’ll eventually be executed most likely the same way Varys & the Tarlys were (this is confirmed in the script with the line “Jon understands what this means for the people he loves the most” & he remembers Dany’s line in her speech to the Unsullied & the Dothraki mentioning Winterfell), he makes his decision right then and it weighs heavy on him but he does it - he ultimately lived up to his promise that he made back in 6x09 “I’ll protect you, I promise” to Sansa though she doubted it was possible at the time. (x)

Plus, I’m also looking at Kit’s acting choices here, the Master of Microexpressions himself:

(x) (x) (3:37 - x) - and just to point this out for the whole thing above, isn’t it funny they go from a shot of Jon after Sansa walks away that they go to Torumnd and Brienne, a redhead whose affections are not returned, sure it’s meant to be comedic and obviously Jon is not disgusted by Sansa but also...eh, maybe I’m reading too much into that editing choice...)

This in sync movement as well as framing here (0:48, and before this, just to note, Sansa’s horse keeps pace with Jon’s and she keeps pace with him while walking until the fight breaks out, while also speaking up and keeping in the conversation, meaning not only is she trying to be heard but she’s on an equal level with Jon, they’re a team trying to take Winterfell back, she has the Stark name & he has the military experience - x)

Why the breathlessness, Kit & Sophie? Why acting choices? (3:36 - x) (1:02 with step forward after - x) (1:35, this little inhale right here - x) (1:54 - his shocked reaction to seeing the Starks & his inhale and who is front and center in the lineup? & why that last look after [what I think he’s doing] memorizing Sansa’s & Arya’s faces for the last time, 4:46 when Sansa is not his favorite sibling & they lined them up by affection level almost for Jon with Sansa being the furthest back? x)

It was definitely portrayed as romantic, almost as much as Jonerys was, to feed into the love triangle theme later on they wanted to present. And while the scripts hadn’t been written yet for season 8, D&D did confirm they had started planning the show’s end around the time season 6 was being shot. They also worked with GRRM on certain planning of the final season, they said through video calls or something like that (I’m not sure if they discussed this part of it at all but I’m sure they discussed Dany and Jon and Dany’s fall and what could contribute to it). Benioff also said that the relationship between Jon and Sansa would “be crucial to watch” (though at the time, he was talking about the conflict between them, that Sansa doesn’t trust Jon, didn’t tell him about the KotV, etc).

I think the love triangle was intentional, I think framing Jon and Sansa as the second coming of Ned & Cat was intentional, and I think Sansa having feelings for Jon & their romantic framing/coding was very intentional. I just don’t think the Jonsa endgame (as far as I know) or the Jonerys endgame was intended to be an HEA for either one at the end.

It was always going to come down to Jon having to choose one house or the other, which family, but also choose which queen. In the end, as we know, he chose the Starks, the family he’s always been with and loves, and kept his promise to Sansa. Dany broke the wheel, sure, but Jon ended up being the “shield that guards the realms of men” by taking out the other threat for Westeros, making room for Sansa to remain safely in her home (which is what she’s always wanted) and not under anyone’s thumb or boot heel. Jon took that safety away when he brought Dany up North (though he had to) but thankfully, he restored it even if he wishes that it didn’t have to happen in that way, even if he continues to question if what he did was right (it was, even though I love Dany, she wasn’t going to stop). Sansa was in love with the idea of love as a child, the stories about princes and knights, we know this canonically about her character (more from the books, but I think they intimated it in season 1 with the whole Joffrey arc). I think in her eyes, Jon is that prince, that knight, especially after she saw how he was as a king, even if his decisions frustrated her at times. I think she trusted him after they take back Winterfell (though she didn’t care for his decision to bend the knee and now we see that she had good reason) but she never naively did, if that makes sense. She still kept her wits about her, and even though I don’t think she ever expected Jon to do what he did in the end, killing Dany, I think she still hoped he would be safe and would she, and by extension Arya (should she return) and Bran, and that maybe hopefully someday Jon would come back home. She still had her feelings but she accepted that Jon had made his choice (even if she didn’t understand it or agree) and it wasn’t her or the Starks (from that convo with Tyrion in 8x04). But in the end, Jon did choose her and the Starks, and absolutely proved himself a Stark, and part of the pack.

It’s almost wasted potential, but I think that’s what they were kind of going for. I know the actors themselves balked at the idea of Jonsa as a romantic pairing (Sophie’s response at a comic con when a fan mentioned Jonsa as a ship, Kit’s recent reaction on a video call or panel with “that’s weird” when someone mentioned Jonsa as a ship, etc) but after all of this, you can’t tell me that’s not what they were shooting for even if they never intended for it to became overtly textual like Jonerys did, even if it was only used to push Dany towards her fall in the end. Bittersweet, indeed.

So, my friend, I hope this very long post answers that question for you. I’d be very curious to hear what you think, too! <3

#ask #jonsa #dark!dany mention #got #game of thrones #got posts #got love triangle #anti jonerys slightly #jon x sansa #got meta

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universitykpop · 4 years ago

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It’s time to talk about it

I’ve decided to publish that post I talked about the other day. I’ve noticed several other writers on here are making posts about lack of feedback and interaction and that they’re leaving or no longer writing. This is a topic that I’ve tried to not post a lot about because I didn’t want to seem ungrateful or annoying. But if there’s any time to talk about it, it’s now. I’ve put it below a cut because it is quite a long post with a lot of my emotions about tumblr and my blog. So buckle up, kids, ‘cause it’s a rollercoaster of feels.

My Experience as a Tumblr Fanfic Writer;

When I started this blog, I was fresh off of onedirectionfanfiction.com and 5sosfanfiction.com, where I never had many readers or any feedback. I got maybe 10 comments (they weren’t in-depth reviews, just ‘omg’ or ‘harry’s so hot’) in total from my dozens and dozens of long fanfics (some stories hitting over 100k words which I can’t even dream of now). Coming onto here, I didn’t think my writing was going to get much attention based on past experience. There was a handful of “big scenario blogs” and I liked and reblogged everything I enjoyed reading because that’s how I wanted people to interact with my content. I didn’t know how it felt to receive positive feedback but I wanted others to, even when they were already getting it from so many other readers. When I hit 500 followers, I thought that was it, I wasn’t going to get more followers/readers. I had readers requesting that I do requests and begging for more parts of stories meant to just be oneshots. I was so over the moon to be receiving that kind of love for something I enjoyed doing. I felt like I was finally good at something; I had a purpose for spending hours writing about people I admired and liked. I was getting messages almost everyday for two years and if I hadn’t posted in so long anons were in my ask box asking if I was still here. I had regular anons who went by cute little anon names for a short time. My notifications exploded so much that I had to turn off push notifications because my phone would not stop going off in classes. I cannot describe how happy I was in that time. I have been writing and reading fanfics since 2009 and I always wondered how it would feel to be one of the “popular” writers on a fic site, and during 2016/2017 I thought I achieved that based on the interactions I got.

As I continued to write, I started to notice many of the fic writers I followed started making friends with other writers I followed. As someone who is very introverted, shy, and socially anxious (especially at this point in time of my blog), I wondered if any other writers would reach out to me and befriend me. No one ever really did, and I thought something was wrong with me. They had their group chats and inside jokes they’d post and tag each other. They would inspire each other to write things and bounce ideas off one another. I haven’t ever felt like I was a part of the kpop fanfic writing community; I was just kinda there. People knew my url but didn’t know me. I had mutuals who messaged me a few times, and then a while later I go back to see what they’re doing and they’re no longer mutuals with me. It shouldn’t have bothered me but it did. Was I annoying? Did they just not like me? Did someone else talk shit about me and then that person changed their opinion about me? I’ll never know because I don’t like confrontation. I have always felt kind of left out, and it reminded me a lot of my real life. Since 2015 when I started this blog, I’ve made one friend and I still talk to her to this day. At times, she was my only friend. She knows who she is, and I cannot say how grateful I am that she reached out to me.

Around 2018, interactions just kind of stopped. I became paranoid and frantic about how I could get back to where I was, but nothing I did worked. As I approached 17k followers, only needing two more to hit it, I began to lose followers by the dozens. I couldn’t figure out why. I was still posting stories but barely got feedback. I decided to stop writing for a bit and not many readers were concerned. It got to the point that I avoided getting on here because I knew I would only get upset and feel guilty by logging on. It felt weird because I had such a large following yet no one cared. And now, I sit at 16.4k followers who barely interact with my content. I don’t get messages about my content, and sometimes I get more than 5 notes in a day. I don’t feel motivated to write because who’s going to read it? I felt like I lost my purpose; it didn’t matter if I continued to write. My stories became shorter and more scarce. I moved to other platforms to see if engagement would go up, but it didn’t. It was pointless to post here and on other sites. I had a taste of praise and I miss it. When it stopped, I couldn’t figure out if I had done something wrong. I study consumer behavior and write papers about it for my Masters degree, and I still can’t figure out why fanfic readers don’t engage with authors on here. In merchandising, people are always willing to give their opinion on products whether it’s good or bad, so why aren’t fic consumers willing? Some writers I’ve read, who I watched grow in popularity and envied their readers interactions, are now in the same boat I’m in and I hate that this is happening to us. Some of them I’m shocked they are also dealing with this. We make this content for free, spending h o u r s to create it, and we get nothing in return. I loved being able to connect with my readers and feel their emotions about my stories. It made me feel fulfilled finally as an fic author.

Now, I can’t remember the last time I opened my scenario documents. How could something that I loved doing for so long become a burden? This blog caused some of my happiest moments and my saddest. Sometimes I debate deleting my account or logging off for good. But I can’t let go after all the effort I’ve put into my blog.

Would I recommend becoming a Tumblr fanfic writer? Absolutely not. Do not make Tumblr your primary source where you post your stories. Focus on interactions and feedback from actual fiction websites, where it is meant to host those relationships.

This post isn’t meant to shame anyone or brag. I wanted to be real for a moment and tell my truth. So many writers randomly leave without a word, and I just can’t let myself do that. I want to be in the fandoms and contribute and have fun, but I feel like my time to do that has been over for a long time, like I don’t belong here anymore. I’ll still be around but I probably won’t plan to update stories, specifically on this blog. I will most likely post random oneshots on my ateez sideblog @alotofteez and my accounts on aff and ao3. I’ll still make photo edits every once in a while. I really didn’t think I’d make this sort of “goodbye” post because I had so many plans for this blog that just unfortunately never came to fruition.

#time to talk #personal

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bobo-is-tha-bomb · 5 years ago

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The Anime of a Life Time

I guess, since I’ve started this thing, I should contribute my own two cents on what Gundam Wing has done for me.

Gundam Wing wasn’t the first anime I watched. There were others before it. My starter pack was the Dutch dubs of Pokemon, Digimon, and Flint the Time Detective (known as Jikū Tantei Genshi-kun in Japan) on Fox Kids. Sometime later they broadcasted an anime called Shinzo (known as Mushrambo in Japan) and I guess that is where my love for anime really started. My cousin introduced me to it during a vacation and we spend quite a few days watching episodes!

Anime, at that time in the Netherlands, was something regarded as a ‘boys thing’. So for me it was rather awkward to talk about it and I didn’t, because I already was an easy target due to my HSP. The only person I could share it with was my cousin, who was just as crazy about anime as I was. She introduced me to the little Cartoon Network block we had on tv, and that is where I discovered Dragonball Z.

Dragonball Z was a turning point for me. Over the course of just a few months it turned me into a fanfiction author. My cousin and I were practically joined at the hip at every family gathering we had, and would sneak off to write together or read what we had so far. It was a glorious time. Every day I would rush home from school to try and watch a Dragonball Z episode. I was not always able to, because I had a horse to take care of. On Saturdays and Sundays, the weekday episodes were rerun, so I’d try to catch anything I had missed then. Sick days were the best, because then I could watch the episodes for sure.

And it was a sick day that introduced me to my favorite anime of all times. I was at home with my brother and we were both down with the flu. We had actually set an alarm to make sure we’d be awake on time to watch Dragonball Z. But as we turned on the tv, it wasn’t Dragonball Z that started. It was a different series. At first, I was so pissed off, BECAUSE HOW DARE THEY STOP BROADCASTING DRAGONBALL Z, but ten minutes into this episode of this new series I was sold. For life apparently.

Wing Gundam fell from the sky and ruined me.

I have some of my best memories from that time, because my cousin was just as crazy about Gundam Wing as I was. She went to school in the Hague and often stopped by my house on the way back. We were, at this point, so joined at the hip we might as well have been siamese twins. We would sprawl on the couch in my living room together almost every day, shoulder to shoulder, and sing along with Just Communication in terrible Japanese. Epic moments where the first time Zechs took off his mask (“THIS GUY IS SO PRETTY! WHY?”), or the time when Heero said goodbye to Relena on Libra and showed us the ‘pretty eyes’. That really send us into hysterics.

During the first run of the series, my cousin introduced me to some fanfiction sites. This really opened a door for me, because apparently there were others like me that wrote stories about their favorite series! I started writing for Gundam Wing, but kept the stories to myself mostly. I was too shy to actually post anything. Most of the stuff I wrote was in Dutch and I didn’t switch to English until somewhere in 2005, when I started posting a story for Yu-Gi-Oh!. We’ll not talk about this story, because it’s horrible.

I wrote more stories and got a little better at it. My cousin found some more sites that had good stories for us to read and in this way I found Freedom of Speech Fanfiction, Lunaescence, and Fictionzone. It was through these sites that I started writing more actively for Gundam Wing and became the writer that I am today.

I wrote for other fandoms on the side for some time, and then my cousin told me that Gundam Wing was having a rerun on tv. I was quick to jump to the idea of a rewatch, and faithfully watched every episode. But halfway through that rerun, they stopped. I was devastated. I was really angry about it, because watching the rerun had reignited my love for the series. Around that time Limewire had its glory days, so I checked to see if I could download the episodes from there. And what did I discover then? Endless Waltz! Endless Waltz had never been broadcasted in the Netherlands, so can you imagine how happy I was? There was more Gundam Wing and I had never known about it!

I downloaded all the episodes and movie onto CDR’s, that I could only watch on the small television in my room. But boy, was I happy!

Since then, I do a rewatch of the series almost every year, and I never get tired of it. I just love these characters and the story so much. I feel as if it has become part of me. Maybe it’s because I watched it during a time in my life where I discovered I’m a bit different from other people. Whenever I didn’t feel accepted I could hide in my little fantasy world and think about my favorite characters. I never felt this kind of love for any other anime I’ve watched. I guess Sailor Moon gets close, but I never wrote a fanfic for it. I’m totally game for the complexity of the characters, the plot, the politics and intrigue that go on. I love watching these characters grow and develop, time and time again. That the fandom is so warm and lovely is a nice bonus! I’ve made lovely friends for life because of this anime!

The only thing I regret is not spending money on it sooner.

I was raised by parents who did not understand my love for anime one bit, so spending money on it was out of the question. I didn’t get to visit anime conventions until I was an adult, and since then I knew that Gunpla existed, but never thought about buying anything. In 2016 I bought my very first Gundam Kit. I was so overwhelmed with the idea that I FINALLY had bought something Gundam Wing related that I nearly cried. My best friend was so supportive and happy for me. She could totally see how much this meant to me and snapped a polaroid picture of me and this stupid little Gundam Kit so I would always remember that moment.

Since the last two years, I’ve been really putting some money into my Gundam Wing collection. I guess it’s safe to say it’s money well spend and I’m so thrilled with every new item that gets in! My fiancé sees how happy it makes me and even though he doesn’t always understand, he is supportive and stimulates my buying of Gundam Wing related goodies. Maybe I’m trying the catch up for all the years I’ve missed in collecting. Who knows.

Visiting Japan was a real treat, because there were so many Gundam kits, and if I took the time to browse, I could find some really nice stuff! Besides kits, I took home postcards, gashapon items, and T-shirts. Next year I’ll go back and then I plant to buy so much more!

@memoriesofgundamwing

#gundamwing #gundam wing #Mobile suit gundam wing #mobilesuitgundamwing #memories of gundam wing #memoriesofgundamwing

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double-threnody · 5 years ago

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Aetherochemistry

Ae•ther•o•chem•is•try noun

Definition:

The branch of science that deals with the identification of energies of which aether is composed; the investigation of their properties and the ways they interact, combine, and change

The composition and aspect of a substance or phenomenon

Plural noun: aetherochemistries

“The aetherochemistry of a thaumaturgical ignition”

Good afternoon, everyone.

I would like to thank all of you in attendance for this opportunity to present to you today. Several lifelong dreams of mine have been fulfilled just by my presence here atop this podium. I see quite a few familiar faces amongst the crowd tonight, faces attached to names I recognize from a not-insignificant number of my texts, primers, and the many, many theses that have formed the backbone of my own research. It is an honor.

Some of you may be confused; as thrilling as this is, I hold no delusions over my own fame. The reason that I was invited before you tonight involves perhaps the least-respected and most-reviled field of aetherochemical study: the Void, and what is wrong with it.

Ah-hah. Yes, I see you there, sir, already edging toward the door. Minister...Tadasu, was it? I quite enjoyed your theories on our star’s ‘astral vents’ and their purported effects upon the fauna of the Ruby Sea. No, no; go on. I simply wished to express my admiration for your contributions to the field of science before you scuttled away. Yes, goodbye.

Now that the cowards are gone. Good afternoon, everyone. My name is Sarangerel of the Kogane Khotgor, daughter of the Nameless Tribes. I see some of your looks from up here; please, spare me your empty apologies. I am well aware of what you think of me and my kind. Let us do something productive and fruitful in the time we have together, shall we? So, on the topic of my presentation:

The Void. The Dark Star. The world beyond the wall, from which -- if you listen closely -- you may just hear the faintest scratching. Our star, as we all know, is a warped and twisted thing, but it continues its hurtling path throughout the greater void of the cosmos in relative peace despite the scars we and those before us have inflicted upon it. Aetherochemically speaking, our star is remarkably well-balanced in aspect and intensity: barring some few gouges within the landscape, typically sites of previous calamities, all elemental aspects are reflected within the breath of our world. Passive and active, umbral and astral, all energies are accounted for and can be found, sensed, or channeled in nearly any environment. Constant transformation and adaptation help to maintain this balance, and by any measurable definition, our star’s aether has remained almost entirely unchanged throughout recorded history.

Not so for her shadow, the Void. I need not regale you all with the tales of the creatures who, on occasion, tear their way through the fabric that separates us when it is made flimsy. You have heard plenty, I am sure. Ghost stories, tales of monsters and demons and wrathful, infectious phenomena that appear with little warning. Some of you may be wondering why a biologist is not speaking on these topics -- and why I bother to mention them at all -- but to answer the first question, that is because these creatures belong beneath the umbrella of aetherochemical stratification. Voidkin, as we know them, are almost entirely composed of the aether that saturates and swells their star. Very few of them have an observable physical form, and even those are simply the cloaks they wrap themselves in to walk our star and enact their dark works. A comfortable set of boots and gloves, if you will, spun from the raw energies of creation that they *bathe* in behind their wall.

The Void, you see, is a bloated tumor of umbral energies. It swells with power, condensed and chaotic, and it is always growing. Always...spreading. Metastasizing. Like an illness. Voidkin are the natural spawn of such an affliction, and they spread out from their point of origin on the hunt for greater sources of aether from which to feed. You have heard tales, I expect, of the voracity of the monsters from another world. They are drawn to places with riotous energy, cataclysmic events, horrible catastrophes, and when they emerge as wet and howling newborns into our world, their first instinct is to feed.

Why do they feed? No known Voidkin exhibits a digestive process, not such as we have seen. Most have no true physical or biological needs; they can survive almost indefinitely without air, water, or nourishment. They feed, you see, to steal the aether of another star and bring it back. Back to their own festering plane.

The most basic properties of aether manipulation dictate that aether can be neither created nor destroyed; it can only be changed. From one aspect to another, from one polarity to its opposite, aether is a constant and only its form is mutable. For this reason I posit that the monsters of the Void hunger merely to feed their star’s insatiable growth, and to further weaken our own.

Professors Bolkot and Itagaki, if you would be so kind as to escort your colleague out. Please, it is no trouble. I am certain that he is simply unwell; too long from that bracing Hannish air, no doubt. Thank you.

Our crowd thins and still we grow no closer to the solution to what is a growing problem. The threat posed by the Void is difficult to grasp, but its effects can be seen. Felt. Like a poison, it saps our world of its heart. That is a poor analogy, excuse me. It is like a disease. A parasite. As it feeds, it grows stronger, and its growth comes at the direct cost of our health. So, to the only solution we are afforded: how are we, those few proud souls who might aspire to act as our star’s immune system, supposed to protect this world from a threat so great and terrible?

Ask any chirurgeon in attendance, my friends. How best do you treat a cancer?

It must be cut out.

Recorded dictation of ‘Sarangerel Khotgor,’ guest of the Othard Aetherical Research Collective during their sixty-seventh annual summit.

#ffxiv #ffxiv rp #Sarangerel #The Void #writing #Just Ancient History

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thesoftdumbass · 5 years ago

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tay’s pop-culture writing challenge

Hello, lovelies! So I have been wanting to host another writing challenge for a while. With the school year being over, with a lot of people having more free time than they usually have, and with my blog reaching nearly 1500 followers holy shit I can’t believe it, I thought now would be a great time to post it! So below the cut are the rules, prompts, what have you...send an ask or message to claim a prompt and let’s get these creative juices flowing!

The Rules™️

~You don’t have to be following me to sign up! Just make sure that I have your url when we talk so I can keep track

~I will accept fluff, smut, angst, what have you...but if you write smut, you have to be 18+

~AUs are welcome

~Prompts are based on songs and movies/pop culture. If you choose one it doesn’t have to match exactly, but I’d love if the fic or line captures the feel of the prompt. If you alter the prompt, please bold or italicize it when posting.

~Can be a one-shot, series, drabble, whatever you choose. There are no word requirements but please, I beg of you, if your piece is longer than a hundred words, put a read more on it. And that’s not just for this challenge, it’s just a general courtesy.

~When posting, tag my blog @thesoftdumbass and use the tag #popculturewritingchallenge so I can find your lovely fic!

~There is no cut-off date and you can sign up at any time, as long as there are prompts left

~Entries are due July 1st

Characters

Marvel:

Bucky Barnes

Sam Wilson

Steve Rogers

TBH pretty much any Marvel character is good with me

The Witcher:

Geralt

Jaskier

Yennefer

Triss

Star Wars:

Poe Dameron

Finn

Rey

Din Djarin

Miscellaneous:

Captain Syverson

August Walker

Clark Kent

Jack “Whiskey” Daniels

Javier Pena

Any Sebastian Stan character

Anyone from Red vs Blue

Do people still write for Star Trek? If so, I’ll just put this here.

If you want to write for a character (or ship) that’s not on this list, just ask and I’ll probably be okay with it!

Prompts

Songs~

1. “I love it when you call me lover” | Call Me Lover, Sam Fender

2. “There’s nowhere in the world I’d rather be” | Dreaming of you, Selena

3. “I still have your letter. I’ve only read it once but I remember every word.” | Sweater, Zach Day @bookcaseninja ~ Carolina

4. “I meant to say I love you, but instead I said goodbye” | Shadows, The Midnight

5. “It’s not my fault that I’ve fucked everybody here” | You, The 1975

6. “I’m no sweet dream, but I’m a hell of a night” | Nightmare, Halsey @nanners-the-great ~ Bucky

7. “All our friends want us to fall in love” | The Good, The Bad, and The Dirty, Panic! at the Disco @bookcaseninja ~ Carolina

8. “People always say life is full of choices, no-one ever mentions fear” | Journey to the past, Anastasia (movie) @nekoannie-chan

9. “I could look into your eyes until the sun comes up” | Afire Love, Ed Sheeran

10. “The three words could never come easy cause you’re more than they ever could be” | Capsize, Frenship and Emily Warren

11. “You say that you don’t want me. You should tell your body.” | Sweater, Zach Day

12. “The seasons pass but the monsters stay” | Kids (reprise), The Midnight

13. “And if tomorrow it’s all over, at least we had it for a moment” | No Choir, Florence and the Machine @dira333 ~ Cameron Klein

14. “I am not complaining, just identifying my situation” | Moon, Bad Mustache

15. “I’m not a poet, but a criminal” | Thank you for the venom, My Chemical Romance

16. “The best part of believe is the lie” | Sophomore Slump, Fall Out Boy

17. “If you tease me now, I’ll just come back hungry for more” | Feed Me Now, Saint Motel

18. “How could anybody have you and lose you, and not lose their minds too?” | Los Ageless, St. Vincent

19. “No more Mrs. fucking polite” | Smile, Maisie Peters

20. “I thought that I was dreaming when you said you love me” | Ivy, Frank Ocean @annathewitch ~ Din Djarin

21. “I don’t wanna be your friend, I wanna kiss your neck” | fallingforyou, The 1975

Sentences~

22. “Have zero expectations always, and you’ll never be disappointed.”

23. “Payback’s a bitch, and so am I.”

24. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned from you, it’s that there’s always margin for error.”

25. “You know, one of these days, I don’t know when...I’m gonna learn to shut my fucking mouth.”

26. “Wow. You have a way with words that just immediately makes me wanna kill myself.”

27. “I have a lot to say, maybe you should get some popcorn.”

28. “It’s a Sunday. I don’t move on Sundays.”

29. “There’s no such thing as good guys or bad guys, there’s just people going about their lives.”

30. “There was a gunfight at my wedding.”

“Wait, you’re married?”

“No, I was the better shot.”

31. “Stop being so mean to me, or I swear to God I’m gonna fall in love with you!”

32. “It’s so hard to care when you’re this relaxed.”

33. A day spent with you is my favorite day.”

34. “Can I bother you for a second?”

“You always bother me so go ahead.”

35. “I’m in a dress, I have gel in my hair, I haven’t slept all night, I’m starved and I’m armed. Don’t mess with me.” @marvelouslytrekking ~ Steve Rogers

36. “I am way too sleep-deprived to deal with your negativity right now.”

37. “Part of me is terrified. And part of me is flattered.”

38. “I am not a child, I just act like one.”

39. “He’s blessedly unburdened with the complications of a university education.”

40. “I have never heard someone say so many wrong things, one after another, consecutively, in a row.”

There are so many awesome writers on this site, and I’m excited to see what y’all contribute 🖤 until next time, darlings!

Tagging people who expressed interest six months ago:

@hispeculiartreasure

@goingknowherewastaken

@bookcaseninja

@marvelouslytrekking

@dira333

@superwholockedbeauty

@nanners-the-great

@tardisoftheshire

@just-the-hiddles

@bloodycupcakes

#can you tell that baby pink and midnight blue are my favorite colors?#they're all over my blog #and those are also the colors of my duvet and bedsheets #when i pick a color scheme i like i tend to stick with it #i can add more prompts later if needed but i don't think it will be necessary #please join and give me some serotonin and i will love you forever #writing challenge #popculturewritingchallenge #mutuals please signal boost!

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alchemist-shizun · 5 years ago

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To tend thee is my care

ACT I

ACT II - Read on Ao3!

See the awesome fanart!

Word count: 13,679

Taglist: @lesbianturtle @len-art-trash @i-need-you-buddy @jeevashun @quietlypondering @creativity-killed-thekitten @bookwyrminspiration @i-have-n0-idea-what-im-d0ing @softanxiouspatton @be-more-chaotic @pheonix-inside-reblogs @www-dot-ohshit-dot-com @datfearlessfangirl @alltimevirgilant @royalnerd829 @just-fic-me-up @theblankest123 @theotherella @thesleepyraziel @gaylotusthatexists @sendingcookiesfromhell @mijako98 @logicalberry @maybe-i-like-the-misery @orderly-opaline @purpledemond

(Please tell me if you want to be added too for Act II!)

Characters: Virgil, Nonbinary!Roman

Summary: You’ve heard of enemies to lovers now get ready for acquaintances to friends to now we’re fighting because I’m scared of your rejection so I’m pretending it’s your fault when it clearly is mine to friends again, even though you’re an idiot, but I still love you to lovers.

Roman and Virgil are both part of the theater group of their school, Roman is one of the actors, while Virgil is the head of the stage design group. Despite being in the same year and having lessons in the same building, they hadn’t really ever talked to each other, but everything was about to change when the teachers, heads of the whole theater group, announced that they were going to challenge themselves by presenting one of Euipides’ last plays: The Bacchantes. Follow our two main characters helping each other out as one is forced to learn how to act in a matter of months and the other goes through a journey of self-discovery as he studies his role.

Pairing(s): Prinxiety (I’m unpredictable)

Warning(s): Mild swearing, Death mention (mostly when talking about the tragedy), Blood mention (once), Negative thinking, Implied toxic parenting (once), [Me projecting heavily onto Virgil (also Ro at some point)]

A/n: I’ve been writing this for months and I can’t explain how proud I am to show you guys this! Before you start reading, I want to inform you that the school system I write about here is not the American one since I know little to nothing about it. Instead I’ll be using the one of my country for reasons of simplicity. (All names I use here are invented, so you can place the events wherever you’d like.) I thought about doing a long for this plot but I chose to write a one shot instead, since it’s pretty long I decided to divide it into two acts, the second one is coming very soon. I studied and read the whole play translated in my original language, that’s where the inspiration for my au came from. All the English translations I used for the play are from here, here and here. The song mentioned is So Contagious by Acceptance. That being said, hope you enjoy!

✾✾✾✾

What now?

It was during an October’s Tuesday that Virgil had started panicking due to school stress.

It wasn’t like his teachers hadn’t been pressuring his class ever since they entered their first fifth year lesson: partly because of the final exams, the rest of the time they asked about their university choices.

This year’s archaeological excavation, an experience reserved only to the students of his course, was also placed exactly in those three weeks of October were the theater group had started.

Tuesday in October for Virgil meant lessons until half past midday, research for the upcoming excavation exhibition until two p.m., theater club for an hour, then back to doing research with one of his teachers and half of his classmates until 17:00.

In all honesty, he wouldn’t have minded being buried alive when they’d have to cover back up the site.

Virgil had tried convincing himself that it wasn’t really that hard, besides the club had just started and the first few days were mostly focused on helping the first years settle, be comfortable with the teachers and also test out their abilities. And this one was only the second meeting.

But, of course, his day had to get worse. Life was trying him, and boy, did he hate sudden drastic changes.

It was when he noticed all the odd attention he was getting by the teachers that he realized something was definitely going to go wrong.

Everyone took a seat on the wooden bleachers of the old gym, they were basically attached to the pavement and the obnoxious yellow-painted walls of the large room. A quick glance around and you had the feeling that everything was going to collapse at any moment.

Virgil saw some familiar faces, some new ones, but he definitely couldn’t forget about the regulars: his beloved stage deseign group, which were a bunch of students that the teacher trusted him enough to take care of and teach them what they had to do during shows and how to prepare the stage. And next to them some actors from the last three years, Dave, Bonnie, Lukas and Roman.

He and Roman were the only ones brave enough to stick around even during the toughest year of that hellhole, so everyone silently respected them. And just as much as Virgil helped the newcomers in his group, Roman was happy to lend a hand in acting along side the most talented fourth and third years above mentioned.

« Well hello and welcome back here, guys! » Mrs. Michaelis had started, clasping her hands together, she was an English grammar and literature teacher.

After making sure everybody had arrived, they explained that since the week after they were going to see the first years’ “auditions” as they liked to call them, but they were really simply methods to check how promising someone could be at acting.

« I know this may sound shocking, we still can’t believe it- »

« Mostly because normally it takes us a couple of months before choosing a script. » Mrs. Eagan, an ancient Greek and Latin teacher, had interrupted, causing multiple chuckles from the students.

« … As I was saying, yes. We already know the play that we’ll be covering this year, we also have scripts ready for almost everybody. But there’s some news! »

« This year we decided to sign up our group and participate to some kind of challenge! » murmurs began to fill the room, as uneasiness set in Virgil’s stomach. Why make things harder for everybody? Wasn’t it just as good doing a simple show one night and one morning?

« Some, let’s say, “judges” are going to attend our play and afterwards, if they’re satisfied enough, they will let us take our production to the biggest local theater! »

The murmurs transformed into gasps, that theater was placed in the city of their province, getting an invitation was a huge challenge.

« And our play is going to be … » Mrs. Eagan’s eyes met Virgil’s and fixated on them. That’s when he began overthinking. Why was she looking directly at him? That never meant good news. « … Euripides’ tragedy, The Bacchantes. »

Oh.

Oh, fuck.

Only his eyes widened among the confused looks of most of the students. He had studied that play, along side many other ones, in his fourth year. He did truly love them, but damn him if they weren’t already a challenge to portray.

« That’s right Virgil, you know it. » why was also the English teacher giving him his attention? What were they planning, did he have to explain the play to everybody?

All the students turned to face him, some quietly asking what was the plot, some fourth years of his same course demanded to know if it was a difficult topic.

« Easy now, everybody, he’s already been tested last year by Mr. Richardson. » one of the teachers interrupted, walking closer to the spot where Virgil sat, for some reason he had found himself next to the “talented actors group”.

They explained the plot for everybody after that.

« We know it might be real tough, so this year we already agreed on the roles beforehand. Don’t worry, if you didn’t get your time to shine this year, in the next ones you totally will. »

Wait, he wasn’t part of the actors group, why did this have anything to do with him? Why were they still staring at him?

To his relief, the teachers addressed the newcomers first. « We were thinking about giving the role of the chorus to the first and second years, they have long bits, but we can split them instead of making you all recite them, so that you don’t feel too burdened and the role becomes easy for all of you. »

« The roles of the messengers will be given to our third years, messengers are used to explain everything that happens that does not happen on scene. One of the rules for tragedies was that the scene had to take place in the same time and place. Also, they didn’t show blood and/or murders/suicides on scene. They were all narrated. »

« As for our three fourth years. » they looked over Virgil’s shoulder to Dave, Lukas and Bonnie. « Your roles will be Cadmus, Tiresias and Agave. They play a very important part in the whole story, we trust you’ll do a great job. »

« As for our main characters, Pentheus and Dionysus … » they set their eyes on Roman, who looked more expectant than ever.

But then they also shifted their glances to Virgil.

« We were thinking our only fifth years could have their roles as a good way of saying goodbye to them, since this will be their last play. » everybody else was nodding in agreement, Roman was beaming but slightly confused. Wasn’t Virgil part of the stage design group?

In fact, our little emo kid could only look back in disbelief.

« Roman, Virgil, would you like to become a king and a god, respectively? »

What now?

As the beloved actor was about to answer, Virgil interrupted with a shy apology. « I’m sorry, but there must be a mistake, I’m not part of the actors group, I’ve never acted in the past four years, actually. »

« We know Virgil, but we really thought it might be such a nice way of thanking you guys for your contributions all these years. »

Oh yes, you’re right, putting me in a stress condition by making me do something I have no idea about for a big project that could take us to one of the largest theaters of the country is definitely the best choice you could have made.

All he was able to say was a stuttering noise, as they continued with their little speech. « And Roman is such a good actor, he’s going to help you for sure, aren’t you? »

The mentioned boy nodded vigorously, then proceeded to show one of his brightest smiles. « I always come to the rescue of my fellow actors in need. »

Yeah. Amazing. He was stuck with their decision.

« Besides you already probably know each other pretty well by now, so it won’t be a problem! »

The two students looked at each other. The recognizable expressions of two teens that, despite being in the same year and club, had never said a single word to each other apart from when needed during rehearsals.

« … Right. »

« But what about my group then? » Virgil questioned, he was definitely not going to leave them behind just like that.

« You don’t have to worry about them. This year your History of Art teacher will be lending a hand with the stage and volunteered to be the head of the group. »

Right. Mr. Williams, one of the only teachers that were pretty tolerable in his class.

« And look at them. » he did so, and he was met with happy smiles and encouraging faces. « I’m sure they’ll do a good job after four years with you by their side. Right, Anastasia? »

Anastasia was one of the oldest of the bunch, if not one of the wisest and most skilled, sometimes they wondered if she could just do anything that crossed her mind. « You got it! » she leaned in as if to get closer to the older boy. « We’ll be cheering for you Virge! » she concluded, followed by a couple of “Yeah!“s.

Everybody was so joyful and expectant that he couldn’t help but comply, so he decided to simply sigh and reply with nothing.

As the teachers continued with their topics for the meeting, Virgil couldn’t help but have a single thought in his mind.

This is going to be the most awkward thing I’ve ever done in my entire life.

✾✾✾✾

As soon as the meeting came to an end, Virgil was fast to get up and rush towards the dungeon’s stairs that would lead again to the surface. Basically there were two buildings, the school and the gym, linked by a little dungeon were there were all the labs and computer rooms.

He had to get back to the library as soon as he could, or god knows what “you’re late” speech his teacher would have given him. He was always literally on the verge of marking his students as absent if they didn’t show up to the lesson in the exact minute before the bell rang.

Virgil decided to panic about the dumpster fire that had come his way during the meeting after that. One issue at a time. First of all, he had to reach the stairs’ gate and push-

« Hey! Wait for me. »

God, he didn’t have time for this. He kept walking, ignoring the voice behind him and hoping for it to give up and leave him to his well-deserved peace and quiet. At least for three minutes.

As he walked, he found none but Roman himself matching his pace and walking by his side with a curious look. Who could blame him for wanting to be nice?

« You forgot your stuff in your classroom too? » he tried, not a brilliant starter for a conversation, but he had to get something out of the boy.

« No. » cut and dry, that was the only thing that Virgil dared to let escape his mouth.

« Where to, then? »

« The library. »

« Oh, are you waiting for a bus? Maybe I could keep you company. »

« Listen. » they made to a stop as they reached the last floor, not that far off from Virgil’s destination. « Today’s already been as stressful as it is, could you just … go straight to the point? I don’t have much time here. »

It was not like he had meant to sound rude, it wasn’t like it was his purpose either to brush off someone just like that or to see the other boy’s hurt expression. But he had reached a limit in which he didn’t really care-

« Oh, my apologies, then. »

And there was the guilt.

« I was just wondering if we could exchange numbers, if it isn’t uncomfortable for you. I guess we’ll need to hang out in the future. » he tried to sound as confident as he could, but it was as if “awkward” was scribbled all over his face.

« Sure, are you asking me on a date next? » with all the sarcasm injected in his words, he sure as hell wasn’t expecting Roman’s remark.

« Well, if you wouldn’t mind. » a sly smile made its way through the actor’s face, but was soon replaced by a troubled expression when he saw Virgil’s eye roll and sigh.

« Was I … was I too straightforward? I didn’t- »

« You’re fine, calm down. » Virgil quickly took out his phone and unlocked it before passing it to the other student. As he quietly typed after a murmured “alright”, Virgil couldn’t help but wonder if he had ever upset anyone with his bold statements. It wasn’t like this town was open minded, while he seemed … particularly flamboyant.

Before he could finish his thoughts, he had his phone back in his hands and the not-so-much-stranger-anymore was already heading towards his classroom to get his backpack.

« I sent myself a message. » he warned, then he disappeared and reappeared in a matter of seconds, marched down the hall and flashed him a toothy smile while waving his hand.

« Don’t be a stranger, I’ll see you tomorrow! »

Virgil only nodded and found it impossible to take his eyes off of him until the last lock of hair had vanished down the stairs, wondering what had just happened. Maybe that was the magic that worked on his public every year.

He gave a rapid look at the screen of his phone, noticing that the boy had saved himself as “Princey” with a star emoji right next to it.

This time, he entered the library with an amused expression.

✾✾✾✾

Roman kept repeating in his mind that it wasn’t his fault.

Yes, it was Firday. Yes, he had gone the rest of the days without a single word to Virgil, not even when he noticed him in the halls during break or when they either entered or left school. Some days he didn’t even see him.

Yes, he could have texted him. But it felt too weird, yet, they didn’t know each other at all! Plus they didn’t even have the script ready.

Yes, he felt like he had the weight of this play’s success completely on his shoulders and depending on him and still shied away from acknowledging it.

But Virgil kept avoiding him! He couldn’t do much without him.

If he saw him during the ten minutes break, Virgil would walk past him without a second thought as if he didn’t think he needed to talk to him.

Some other times he pretended he didn’t even see him. It was getting tough to even have his attention anymore, as if he had to be added to the mean girls table. He needed a miracle.

And maybe the deities were in his favor that day.

As Roman walked down the path that was made next to the plaza, he noticed a familiar little figure sitting on a bench with a backpack next to him and earbuds in his ears. He was watching in front of him as life flew by and didn’t notice Roman approaching at all.

« Virgil? »

The boy in front of him jerked his head up and took out both of his earbuds; his clothes looked much more worn and randomly put together, as if he had dressed himself in the dark. What got Roman the most was the quantity of dirt that was on them and … was that blood under some of his nails?

Roman dropped his bag on the bench, worry expanding in his chest. « Oh my goodness are you okay? » he made to reach for his hand, only to stop himself just in time to remind him of personal space.

Virgil gave him a confused look and brought his fingers to his eyes, close enough to examine them. « Not again. » he groaned, a huff coming out of his lips.

« Wait, I should have something. »

« You don’t have to, it’s noth- »

« Here! » Roman grabbed a box from his bag triumphantly, he took a couple of plasters and waved them in front of the other.

« Why do you even have so many? »

« What can I say, I’m a clumsy person. »

« Mh. Charming. »

« At least I rescued you! Now, show me your hands. » he ordered, but as soon as he saw Virgil’s mouth open to argue, he was ready to remark « I don’t care if you can do this by yourself, you have literally injured fingers, let me help. »

Seeing that there was no other way out of it, he complied.

As soon as he placed his hands over his fingers, Roman couldn’t help but notice how different their skin tones really were compared to one another, sure the difference was obvious at first glance, but seeing it this close was completely something else. He gently dabbed the fresh blood away with a tissue he had taken out with the box a few instants earlier.

Three plasters and a thank you later, the concerned face came back again and Virgil wanted nothing more than the sweet liberation of death. What was his deal, did he never dig on dirt as a child?

« How did you get hurt? »

Virgil simply pointed behind his shoulders, where Roman could only see a huge pile of dirt resting against a tree. He tilted his head to the side like a confused puppy, a sight the other would have found endearing if only he wasn’t so exasperated and tired.

« I’ve been working all day, Princey. »

Roman smiled at the familiar nickname, but still found confusion in his thoughts. « Aren’t you supposed to be at school? »

« It’s linked to school. Haven’t you heard of the excavations that our school is doing? »

Now that he mentioned that, he had heard a bunch of things, but never really paid attention since it was something that wasn’t related to his course.

Roman attended the Languages course, in which he could learn Spanish and French, other than his mother language, with literature comprehended, and all the experiences linked to it were the cultural exchanges during the third and fourth years.

Virgil, otherwise, was part of the Classical course, meaning that he had signed his death certificate by committing to five years of learning ancient Greek and Latin plus the respective literature as main subjects. But other than that and the famous one week school trip to Greece every three years, Roman had no clue what they did other than study until they couldn’t remember their own names, just like any other student.

Yeah, they couldn’t say their school system was perfect.

« I don’t exactly know every detail. Are you guys doing this? »

« Kind of. What we’re doing is carry on with the work we did the past two years, where we had opened other excavations. Let’s say we’re looking for clues. We’re supervised by an actual archaeologist though. »

« That’s so cool! Did you find any gold? » Virgil wasn’t really expecting such excitement coming from Roman. Apart from the all too familiar question, he often found his interlocutors to be pretty uninterested by the topic.

« No gold, but … remember last Tuesday? » Roman nodded attentively.

« On that morning, during one of Mr. Richardson’s lessons, one of our classmates video-called us saying there was an urgent matter to show us. They had found possibly a Roman coin. » he tried to bite back the smile that threatened to form on his lips at the joyful memory, but nothing could take away that particular twinkle in his eyes.

« Are you serious?! That’s wonderful, what if you find a hidden treasure? »

« Unlikely, but it would be nice. »

« Wow. » Roman breathed out, staring at the scene beside his … new acquaintance? « How did you hurt yourself, anyway? »

« See that pile of dirt? I’ve been scanning every bucket full of soil that was thrown in there. My job was searching in the dirt for possible relics that were missed out while others did the digging. We installed a little assembly line. And running your fingers through that for hours makes you sore I guess. »

« That doesn’t seem very fun, though. »

Virgil shrugged. « I didn’t mind. I like working by myself, especially when the job is as simple as it is important. » And it was true, it wasn’t like the archaeologist put him there because he was just hopeless with the other instruments, every little clue was important and looking for them was a crucial point that can be easily taken care of if you’re a perfectionist.

Plus, the archaeologist seemed to have taken a liking into Virgil, so that didn’t make him feel left out at all.

« Even though, today one of my classmates came to help me. » the boy turned to see that Roman was still listening to him, with no intention of changing the subject. That was new, too.

« You know those terribly annoying ones? He slowed down our chain to the point that he had to argue with this girl that was in dire need of empty buckets while we still had all of them full because he wanted to look through every inch of dirt before handing it out. » he let out a deep sigh, as if he had just been venting for hours.

« That was pretty idiotic, what happened then? »

« Uh, well, we went back to working, just as I was doing before he came to help. »

Roman snorted, imagining the scene in front of his eyes. « So he made a fuss only for it to go back as before and prove him wrong. I’d say he’s pretty amazing. »

« Yeah. » Virgil agreed, « Anyway, sorry for rambling. » he added in a lower tone, while checking his phone for notification, before putting it away quickly.

Roman arched his eyebrow at his words. « As someone who whines constantly, I don’t really think you should worry. »

At least, that succeeded to steal a chuckle from the tired one.

« Did you find anything? » Virgil was really starting to believe this guy couldn’t have a minute of pure silence.

« Well, there’s always a couple of bones, some weird ferric objects, teeth and … » he stopped, remembering the event of the week before.

This time, a wide smile appeared before he could stop it as he searched through his phone’s camera gallery; it was the one thing he was real proud of, possibly the prettiest of his findings.

He handed the phone over to Roman, whose eyes widened at the sight, in front of him he could see a pic of a piece of ceramic with white, brown, yellow and blue decorations, dirt was still covering it, but you could already make out how beautiful it was.

« You found this in here? »

« Yes, it was amazing. I was standing there, » he pointed to a vague direction in front of the dirt pile, excitement rising in his chest as he remembered. « and someone was throwing the dirt on the pile and I recognized the bottom of the piece. We had already found other ceramics and I was hoping it was one too. So I picked it up as soon as I spotted it and there were at least three inches of dirt on top. I moved it away with my thumb and I was met with that decoration. I think I might have yelled. » he leaned in to take another look at the pic, as if never satisfied with it.

Roman certainly didn’t miss how bright he appeared when he was talking about the excavation, all the tiredness was gone and the pain in his whole body caused by eight hours of work was long forgotten. He looked genuinely happy, a contrast to his unusual dark and broody persona.

« Did you choose you university yet? » he had a thought, while handing the phone back, which could have maybe helped the injured boy.

« Jumping a bit? Uh, no, honestly I have no idea. »

« Ever thought of doing something with archaeology? »

« Uhm … » Virgil tapped his fingers on his palm. It wasn’t like he hadn’t considered the possibility in the past, but he had been told that it was probably too hard and maybe too boring from his point of view. On the other hand he truly enjoyed working in the site …

« You still with me, buddy? You don’t have to choose in the next five minutes. »

« Shut up, I was thinking. »

« Your thinking is too loud. »

« And here I was considering you as actually not that bad. »

« I know you secretly admire me. »

« The important thing is you believe that. »

Their wise and profound conversation was interrupted by Virgil’s ringtone going off, he picked up, had a brief talk and tucked the phone away in his pocket.

« My mother’s arrived to pick me up. » he informed, pointing at a car parked a few feet away from them.

They both stood up, but none of them made to move at all.

« Uh, I was thinking … » Roman struggled to find the right words, as if anything he said might offend Virgil at any given moment. « I don’t want to pressure you or anything, but maybe we could meet up sometimes to talk about the play? Or I could start helping you as soon as we get the scripts. »

Virgil made a face, as if he had been trying to forget a bad nightmare and had just been reminded of it. Still, he had no right to escape that any further, and he was already anxious about not being able to make it in time, even before he could start learning his lines. So maybe starting to work on it sooner wasn’t that bad of an idea.

« Sounds good. » he hesitated, not sure how to continue, when an idea sparked in his mind. « Maybe I could give you some insight on the tragedy. »

« That’d be awesome! When are you free? »

Hah. « During week-days I’m busy until five p.m. everyday. At least for another week, when this project will be over. »

That explained why he was still in town at almost six p.m.

« You guys dig everyday? »

« Something like that. We’re divided into two groups and we dig every other day. When we don’t we still have to stay at school and do researches for the final exhibition. »

Roman’s eyes lit up at the last words, he was going to ask him about it the next time the occasion presented itself.

« That sucks. Okay, look, I don’t wanna steal anymore time from your beloved mother, so I’ll text about it to you later, okay? »

« Cool. » Virgil raised his hand and waved it ever so slightly.

Roman returned the good-bye and got back to his task, marching down the sidewalk, but as Virgil had just opened the door of his mother’s car, he remembered to yell “And don’t forget to get some rest, I’m starting to confuse your makeup with your dark circles!”.

Virgil got into the car with an exasperated sigh and found his mother giggling to herself while she looked at him.

« Was that a friend? »

« God I hope not. »

✾✾✾✾

Tuesday came back in a hurry, along with the theater club, some worried and some bored students. Virgil stood in the middle of “time to panic and/or cry” and “if I don’t fall into eternal slumber right now I will burn this building to the ground”.

If he could name some of the most atrocious backstabbers he had ever met, he’d instantly name his teachers: at first they told his class they’d make it easy for them since they were so busy with the project, now they pretended the students had to be more organized with their studying and homework. Tests and interrogations had been made despite them being at least nine hours at school instead of five, some even coming home later than that.

In a word, they didn’t care, it was the students’ fault.

Virgil had his back against the wall, sitting on the top step of the bleacher with his legs close to his chest, the meeting had been starting for a couple of minutes and, of course, he didn’t have anything to do except hating himself and wait for another uneventful hour to pass.

« Hey Gerard Way Too Dark, look what they gave me. »

Or maybe not.

Virgil looked up to be met with Roman standing in front of him with two binders in his hand: the two of them had agreed on meeting up only when school would let them breathe enough to find a single day where they were both free from studying. Which was yet to be a thing.

The beloved actor handed him one of the binders, it read the title of the play, the author and the characters. He didn’t like how his role was the very first one on the list.

« At last. » he dryly commented, flipping the pages quick enough to not read a single actual word out of it.

Roman sat down next to him and examined the first page, as if looking for some kind of unspoken treasure, then he turned to take out a stash of highlighters Virgil had no clue where he kept. He showed them to him, waiting for him to pick a color.

By the looks of them, they seemed brand new and neatly arranged in the colors of the rainbow. Virgil picked out the lilac one, he had always preferred the gentler colors, it made it easier to study with the lights on.

His colleague chose the red one and began going through the pages and highlighting all the lines he had to learn as Pentheus.

Silently, Virgil did the same with the lines Dionysus said, recalling the scenes as he went through them. Though … he noticed there were far too many. He never realized how impossible it looked in his eyes until he had it plainly laid out in front of him.

Great, you’re going to mess this up, you won’t ever be able to do this in time. Plus you’re probably going to forget everything the moment right before going on stage. Who thought this was going to be a good id-

« Are you okay down there? »

He didn’t realize he was rubbing at his face with his hands, while trying to shake off the storm forming in his mind. In doing so, he had also let the marker fall to the wooden step with a clatter, which caught the other’s attention.

« Yeah, ’m just tired. » he managed to let out through his fingers in a muffled sound.

Roman made a humming noise, then proceeded to cast aside all his stuff and let himself relax against the wall. « Then I’d say we call it a day and sleep until it’s time to part ways. »

Virgil looked at him, surprise written all over his face, wasn’t he supposed to work even harder than normal because of the occasion? Either way, he mirrored the boy, pulling up his hood so that he could find some comfort.

« I think I’m too worried about all this mess, » he retorted, gesturing at his script. « to be able to even close my eyes. »

« Then tell me about it. »

He considered the option, he did actually promise him he’d do it before, besides he’d be distracting himself from the impending doom, be actually productive and explaining the tragedy to the actor. A double win for both parties.

« The story is centered around this group of Bacchantes that came from Asia and want to enter Thebes and spread their cult, they’re also guided by a lone nomad that none knows is actually Dionysus, the founder of the cult itself. » he turned to face Roman, in a silent “tell me where I lose you” manner.

« They are stopped by Pentheus, now king of the city, son of Agave and nephew of Cadmus, the founder of Thebes. Tiresias is a famous seer that understands the potential of the cult and invites Cadmus to preach the god with him. They try to reason with Pentheus, but it’s all in vain. In the meantime, while this king is busy insulting the cult, Dionysus makes all the women of the city go mad and follow the Maenads. »

« Payback? »

« More like first warning. » Virgil counted to one on his right hand for emphasis. « After that, Pentheus sent his soldiers to capture him. And they succeeded, he didn’t resist and kept up his act, only to free himself of the chains thanks to his magic. When Pentheus found him, Dionysus pretended he was helped by the god and began charming him until the king gave in. »

« You mean, how he made him dress up as a Maenad? »

« Yes, but not only he did that, he drove him crazy, too. » did anyone else ever notice the slight green spots in Roman’s brown eyes or was it just the trick of the light? Virgil couldn’t tell, so he decided to explain further. « Pentheus claimed to be seeing double and having hallucinations. He was also very careful of his clothes, hair and posture, he wanted to be the perfect Maenad. He tried to convince himself it was for disguise purposes, but in my opinion he was rather enjoying that dress-up. »

« Really? » Roman questioned, he still had to look into his character, the more he knew about him, the better he could portray him. He always took every bit of information he could find, to the point in which he could somehow relate to them or at least be able to link him and the role. That way, he was able to love acting as every single one of them.

« You need to read their last conversation. Even you would say that at first glance. Anyway, the play ends with the Bacchantes shredding to pieces the body of Pentheus. The practice is called “sparagmòs”. After that Agave and Cadmus have a touching scene and it ends there. A bit shocking for her since she just killed her son, but the god made sure the women all saw a beast instead. »

« That’s cruel, though. »

« Princey, he disrespected a fucking god, dying is the least that could happen to him. »

There was the nickname again. And, as if on cue, Roman’s lips twitched into a small smile that disappeared right after. He wasn’t aware of the reason why he didn’t want to get caught, but … did Virgil really not remember?

« He didn’t give him a chance to apologize! »

« Then again, the cult of the Bacchantes includes a ritual where a human needs to be sacrificed. If he had ever been sorry, Dionysus would have probably ordered him to sacrifice himself so that he could be satisfied and purified by his action. »

« Okay, okay. » Roman put his hands up in surrender. « I recognize I’m talking to a smart one over here, I give up. » he pretended he was waving a white flag to his side.

Virgil chuckled at his words. « I’m actually just average, but I can be passionate about some things, too. »

« Just average? I doubt all of your classmates still remember the entire plot of a tragedy and also can provide conspiracy theories. »

« Conspiracy- what are you talking about? »

« You know I’m right, you were totally on the verge of geeking out about this one. C'mon who’s your favorite character? » the actor mocked resting his face on his palms while a sly expression surrounded him.

« I will throw you off the stairs the next chance I have. »

« Good luck with that since you can’t even reach. »

Oh that was the last fucking straw.

Virgil turned his head to look at him in the eyes so rapidly that Roman feared his neck would give in and break right then and there. But the most disturbing image was the rage that was forming around the boy’s aura.

Okay, maybe it wasn’t the wisest thing to-

Virgil surged forward in a sudden movement and the actor jumped away pleading for salvation, it was only when he heard a foreign laugh that he turned around only to be met with the same dark and stormy guy, doubled over himself with laughter, teasing Roman.

« Did you seriously think I was going to attack you? »

« You can be scary sometimes, shut up! » heat began running in Roman’s cheeks out of embarrassment and he pretended nothing happened while Virgil quieted down next to him.

It was exactly in that moment that the meeting was called off.

As Roman followed him to the library, he wondered if that was going to be a regular thing after-

You idiot, this is the last week of your project.

« Oh, by the way. » Virgil stopped at the top of the stairs. « Don’t take it personally if I brush you off or disappear for the next few days, but the exhibition’s coming and I still have no idea what to say. »

« Talking about efficiency. » the actor rolled his eyes, recalling a few other examples he could give on the marvelous organization of teachers.

« Yeah, our teacher gave us tons of useful information. » he dead-panned, approaching the library’s doors.

« I will forever respect you for putting up with Mr. Richardson. »

That was able to get a chuckle out of Virgil.

« See you around, Pentheus. »

And with that, Roman was left walking home by himself with the warm feeling of having made a new possible friend spreading in his chest.

✾✾✾✾

It was Saturday morning when he noticed the fliers hanging around school. They showed a bunch of excavation pics and the subject of an archaeological exhibition centered around the school’s town. Roman took note of the date: it was exactly that same day!

So that was how he found himself during afternoon pacing around the plaza and stepping into an old tower, where a little crowd of at least fifteen people of all ages were standing and listening attentively to a student. There was only a little group of them, which he figured was because the exhibition took place multiple times during the week.

He just wondered if he had been lucky enough to find …

As he made his way through the front, so that he could see all the materials and boards exposed he heard the female voice say « Now I will turn it over to my classmate, Virgil! »

As soon as he heard his name, he followed her gaze and finally met an unusual sight: instead of the usual hoodie, he wore a black button up shirt and skinny dark blue jeans that might as well have been mistaken for the same other color. So he did know how to be fancy if he wanted.

Before he began explaining, he noticed Roman standing right next to their theater teachers and bit back a smile. He didn’t recall inviting him, actually he hadn’t wanted anyone he knew to witness him mess everything up as he was used to do. So what was he doing there?

Virgil welcomed everybody once again, then turned over to all the materials exposed.

And when he started talking, Roman was enthralled.

He didn’t know if it was the way the words rolled down his tongue, how he brushed the objects as if they were sacred treasures that would turn into dust at the slightest touch, or the sparkle in his eyes when he took in everybody’s attention and curiosity.

But there was a thing he did recognize: it was passion, that was definitely what he was radiating, the one emotion he knew all too well which helped him getting his public hanging at the edge of their seats.

And this time, he was the hooked one.

The two locked eyes multiple times, Virgil was surprised enough to find comfort in having someone to constantly smile at him, or in Mrs. Eagan’s nodding, in all those mouthed “you’re doing great”. He couldn’t stop going back at them everytime he looked up.

Before anyone knew it, his time was over and the group moved onto the last part of the exhibition, which was outside; the crowd followed the last student to the site that was still open and the remaining students in the room sighed with relief as Mr. Richardson followed them too for the final thanks.

Some minutes and a standing ovation later, Roman was already back into the small room as bright as ever, walking toward his favorite little archaeologist.

Virgil paced towards him at the same time, hissing a “what are you doing here?” while a small grin let itself spread on his face.

With no warning and an abrupt move, Roman’s arms had already wrapped themselves around the other boy’s upper chest, lifting him a little in the process.

Well, that was definitely new.

Not being used to such excitement, Virgil was only able to awkwardly return the hug after an initial moment of vacillation. Seeing his energy on stage was a thing, experiencing it like that was completely something else, but deep in his heart he knew it wasn’t a habit he wouldn’t have liked to adapt to.

Wait, what was that thought coming from? Why would he have to adapt to anything, he was just going to help him through acting and that was it.

Still, a new friend wasn’t a bad idea either …

« You did amazing! » was what Virgil heard after being released from the embrace, but not quite completely as Roman was still holding onto his arms.

He blinked a few times. « What are you talking about, I messed up and started stuttering at one point- »

« Oh shut up and let me compliment you, I didn’t even remember you did, king of modesty. »

« More like king of self-deprecation. »

« Can you stop for once in your life? »

Right in the short amount of time they weren’t talking, a single line caught their attention.

« Look at all this trash. »

What?

« Yeah, these are all so obviously fake. »

Thunderstorms.

Thunderstorms and lightning, howls of rage formed in Virgil’s chest, burning in a bonfire which heat traveled through his blood and reached his eyes only to darken them with fury.

His body stiffened, he wanted to scowl at them and tell them how wrong they were, just how dare them invalidate all the hard work of three weeks?

« Oh, Virgil! » Roman seemed to distract him, but he had a plan in mind as he moved both of them close to the materials table. « Remember that day I visited you while you guys were digging? »

But there wasn’t any- was he onto something? « Oh, yeah, you were walking home from school and you decided to stop. » he played along, as his friend nodded, making sure to be heard by the rude couple.

In the meantime, one of the students had gone out to update their teacher on the situation.

« Yeah, when you found that beautiful ceramic piece! » Roman turned to recognize the piece he had seen in the pic he had been shown, then pointed it. « Is it that one? »

« Yes, I can pick it up for you. » Virgil did so as he spoke.

« Wow, it’s even more gorgeous. »

« We had a hard time cleaning everything, so we tried to do the best job we could. Getting dirt out of bones is also … not super easy. »

« You guys are awesome. » Roman kept glancing around the room arranged for the exhibition, while the now embarrassed couple decided to leave under the incinerating stare of Mr. Richardson who had just came in to witness the situation.

Everybody in the room went to either grin or laugh inside, while the two boys shared a high five.

After making sure everything was under control, the teacher decided to begin cleaning up the place, so all the guests that stayed to chatter were dismissed.

« Hey, uh … » Virgil struggled to get out his voice, a little for being tired, a little because in moments of shyness his tone would go out as nothing more than a simple mutter. « Thank you for earlier and … also for coming, I guess. »

« Both of them were my utter pleasure. » Roman had a thing for being extra, and if he chose that aesthetic, he better had to stick to it by doing a theatrical bow at his friend.

« You are a nerd. »

« With style! »

« Whatever helps you sleep at night. » Virgil turned around to face the tower and began walking away. « See you around, Princey. »

There went another one.

Roman had to giggle quietly to himself, every single time his mind traveled to that one particular moment back in the first year when-

« You know, this is what I was talking about. »

He felt a presence walking by his side, suddenly, and found Mr. Eagan glaring at him with an almost nostalgic look.

« I’ve been telling him for years that he has the acting potential. » she sighed while Roman simply nodded along. « He’s been getting better, you see this isn’t the first exhibition they do, I’ve seen them all. »

« Oh, really? »

« Yes. And you can totally sense how much emotion he’s putting, you can tell he’s invested. »

« I agree, I’ve had the occasion to see that. »

« And honestly I feel bad for forcing him into this play thing … but I’m sure he’s going to shine. I’m so proud of him. » she smiled at herself, then stopped in her tracks and looked up at her student. « And I’m also sure you’ll do a good job. Bring out his talent, Roman. In your own special way. »

He remained speechless for a moment, just how much trust did these teachers actually have in both of them? He found it endearing, he felt almost as if they had some kind of motherly appreciation towards them.

« Thank you. We’ll work very hard on this one, you’ll see! »

They exchanged their farewells and Roman headed home, this time by himself, having all kinds of thoughts in his mind.

But most of all, he felt worried.

All of a sudden, it seemed like a blank page was being replaced in his head instead of all the knowledge apprehended through his life.

He had no idea how to start helping Virgil.

✾✾✾✾

Despite the initial awkwardness, things had begun to go way better than both of them had imagined. The occasional staying late after the theater meetings had allowed them to grow closer, so much that they at least shared a few words during break every day at school. And that was a huge effort for Virgil as he preferred to stay in class where almost none hanged around and simply scroll through his phone, waiting for the last two dreadful hours of lessons.

And, well, random texts weren’t late to arrive to the party, too.

Princey: okay but can we talk about what an idiot Pentheus is?

Vee: this is a weird midnight text to get, but go off I guess

Princey: I’m serious! Come on, like why don’t you just let people do their thingsss

Vee: Oh you’re taking this to heart, alright

Princey: Yeah?? Am I not supposed to be emotionally invested in my own play?

Vee: You’re talking as if you’ve written it

Princey: Maybe I did

Vee: gasp are you Euripides reincarnated

Princey: The one and only

Vee: My apologies sir, you have all the rights to whine about your own plot

Vee: I also have no clue how you know english

Princey: It’s the muses’ power!

Vee: Melpomene?

Princey: Bless you

Vee: Wow okay, go to sleep

Princey: Sleep is for the weak

Vee: And you’re gonna be weak in the morning so it really doesn’t matter

Princey: Alright, mum, why would you stay up then?

Vee: Reasons

Princey: Are you still scrolling through Tumblr and sticking to your natural emo kid persona?

Vee: ouch

Vee: no, but I’d love to

Princey: mhh then you forgot to do homework or study?

Vee: You know me, I’m too anxious about my parents’ judgment to do that

Princey: demanding parents?

Vee: sorta.

Princey: sore topic?

Vee: Yup.

Princey: Alright then, you’re watching a movie? An anime?

Vee: No, I’m just talking to an idiot who won’t go to sleep

Princey: Oh I see, sounds like a total badass guy fighting the system

Vee: Yeah, fighting his body’s shut down system if he doesn’t get enough sleep.

Princey: bold of you to say that when we’re in the same situation

Vee: listen we’re talking about you stay focused

Princey: you know I’m right

Princey: C'mon why are you still up

Vee: no reason tbh

Vee: I just can’t seem to fall asleep so I’m tyring myself out until I can pass out on my bed

Princey: thaaat doesn’t seem very healthy

Vee: I never said I wanted to take care of myself

Princey: LOVE YOURSELF BITCH

Vee: HAH

Vee: no.

Princey: i will make you!!

Princey: one day we’ll have a big relaxation day and you will be able to see the beauty in yourself!!

Vee: sounds unrealistic i’m in

Princey: come on work with me emo nightmare

Vee: i’m too lazy to live i’m sorry

Princey: then why don’t you just s l e e p

Vee: bc my sleep schedule is a mess and i cant seem to even shut my eyes everything in my life is going straight in the trash can and uhhhhhh yeah everything sucks

Princey: woah slow down

Princey: okay look you’re having me a bit concerned here

Vee: haha no it’s the usual daily stuff for me

Princey: ……….. it shouldn’t be????

Vee: eh

Princey: hey, would you answer if I called you?

Vee: if this is because of what i’ve just said, you’re worrying too much

Princey: nah it’s just for a distraction

Princey: and maybe you’ll be able to fall asleep

Vee: are you implying your voice is boring or you want to sing me a lullaby?

Princey: i’ll pretend i didn’t read the first part but i’ll have you know i have a very beautiful singing voice

Vee: pf alright i’m not entirely convinced

Princey: i’ll buy both of us coffee at the vending machine tomorrow morning before the first lesson starts

Vee: okay i’m sold, hit me up

✾✾✾✾

« This is unacceptable! I’m sorry, our friendship has to end here, I’m leaving. »

« I’m telling you, I have my reasons. »

« You can’t just simply dislike Hercules! »

Virgil sighed in defeat and resigned in his plastic seat; Christmas holidays had been around for a week, new year’s was already approaching and two youngsters had decided to spend an afternoon together with the excuse of reading some lines out of their scripts and helping each other out.

It wasn’t really the first time they did that, plus with the arrival of winter it was a nice excuse to be comforted by a warm cup of hot chocolate with whipped cream.

Just like they were doing in that moment, only that it seemed that they had completely forgotten about the play because of how much they were invested in other topics. Such as, obviously, Disney movies.

« It’s not that I don’t like it, it’s just … so wrong. »

« Oh my- it’s not Percy Jackson, it’s Disney, they’re allowed to take some creative liberties. »

« I know, but I didn’t watch it as a child, I saw it recently- »

« How dare you. »

« -shut up. What I mean is: my studies have ruined its likability. »

Roman closed his eyes and put his hands together in front of his face in an exasperated manner. « Then let’s hear these freaking reasons, enlighten my blindness, o wise one! »

Virgil couldn’t help but smirk as the other one huffed. « First of all, thank you for the compliment. »

« But, see, the first thing that got me was the character of Phil. The actual Philoctetes wasn’t a satyr, he was a hero that fought in the Trojan war who also happened to be Hercules’ friend at some point. »

« Well, they were linked in the end! »

« Let me finish. All the deeds that Phil claimed to have made? All those heroes he trained? Bullshit. Everything was done by Chiron, the only wise and composed centaur of greek mythology. And like centaurs were thought as savage beasts, satyrs were always linked to Dionysus and described as libidinal creatures. Philoctetes would have probably felt insulted. »

« Your studies may have ruined your view but you’re ruining my childhood right now. » Roman muttered the words as a childish pout formed on his lips.

« Ah, also Megara was a city, not a person. » said Virgil with nonchalance.

« WHAT. » the wide-eyed actor jumped in his seat and surged forward a little, blinking a few times.

Without expecting it, Virgil’s composed face contorted with a snort, which then grew into giggles and then again transformed into a genuine and amused laughter that couldn’t stop.

He tried to breathe in. « Princey, you- » he cut himself off as another wave of giggles hit him, so he held one hand up as if to tell him to wait until he could properly compose himself.

And Roman knew he otherwise would have felt offended, or at least in a playful way, he knew normally he would have instantly asked what was the matter. But he couldn’t really shake off the feeling of wanting to protect and carve this picture into his memory until it was the only thing he could remember.

And he truly wanted to share that angelic laughter, participate to the mirthful moment, yet he found himself solely staring at the unusual sight in pleasant disbelief at how stunning that scene was.

He could merely twitch his lips upwards and consider how much he adored hearing the nickname in such an entertained voice.

Something inside Roman clicked as Virgil finally gained enough breath, and he knew he was done for.

« Sorry, uh, » he was finally able to breathe out. « I was actually messing with you. She did exist. »

He looked him in the eyes and all Roman could think was “finally”.

After a beat, noticing the other didn’t respond and assuming he was upset or something, he continued. « Though she and their children were afterwards killed by Hercules according to some. Others think he killed his children and Megara compelled him to commit suicide. Awful stories for great heroes, I guess. »

Roman, who was still starstruck, was only able to comment. « Breathtaking. »

Virgil made a face and lowered the cup he was raising to his lips. « What? »

« Uh … what? No I was just- the TV! Behind you, yes. I was commenting that. »

The confused one turned ever so slightly to quickly glance at the old black screen facing his back. « Alright, I won’t question your weird obsession with old style televisions. »

Nailed it.

Their discourse went on escalating to different topics, but never once brushing the fact that they met to keep up their theater practice, like good procrastinating students. It wasn’t like they were avoiding it on purpose, for the first time they felt like spending quality time with each other was their main priority.

« Okay, listen, Tripping in the Darkness. I went on a cruise once and even there I was able to reveal my beautiful voice. »

« So sorry for the passengers. »

« I should have left you outside freezing in the cold. » Roman scoffed after a beat.

« But you didn’t. »

« I’m starting to reconsider. »

« We both know you would never do it. »

« I forgive you only because you’re cute. » oh wait, oh wha- Roman immediately hid behind his cup, drinking the last remaining of his warm beverage. He hoped that the heat would rush off of his cheeks by the time he had finished.

« Wow, I’m flattered. » Virgil didn’t leave his sarcastic tone and didn’t seem to have noticed anything different, until he snorted out loud when he was met with Roman’s face after he lowered the cup.

Roman’s heart sank, was he still blushing? Was he already onto him? That was bad, that was-

« You got … » Virgil’s voice got back to being amused and he gestured towards his face. Oh, great, he had a chocolate-stained face now. Just what he needed.

« Where? Is it gone? » he frantically kept on asking as he wiped around his mouth and cheeks with his bare hand.

His friend shook his head. « Not even close. »

On a scale on one to Roman’s worst embarrassing moments compilation, he would have probably found himself on top of that very ranking, because after that Virgil simply reached for the container on the little table.

« For starters, you take a tissue. » while he did so, Roman could only watch as his friend gently rubbed away the spot on the bridge of his nose. Oh. The cup did touch it earlier.

Alright that was awkward and I’m stupid, let’s move on.

But no, his brain had decided to short circuit and leave him to his impulsiveness; out of the blue, he grabbed Virgil’s wrist before he pulled away completely.

Virgil blinked, confused once again by his behavior. « Uh, what’s up? »

That’s when Roman’s mind finally snapped to reality and, of course, he panicked to find the best excuse he could permit, so he slid both of his hands to cage Virgil’s own. « You’re super cold! » he noticed, lowering their hands to rest on the table.

« Yeah? It’s minus degrees outside? And I’m often anxious? »

« Oh, right. » why was he feeling more sympathetic than usual? « Then, I shall protect you from both! »

« By holding my hand? »

« By making sure your heat level is within the parameters! »

« Alright, Doc. I’ll trust you. »

That was how they ended up holding hands for the rest of the day without even realizing until they had to part.

« You sure you don’t want me to accompany you to the parking lot? »

« I’m fine, don’t mind. »

They were standing out of the cafe to exchange their goodbyes, about to head for different streets and eventually go home.

« You know, you didn’t really have to pay for me, I’m not broke. » Virgil talked in little puffs of condensed air, hands in his pockets and trying to shake off the cold stinging sensation that pierced his skin.

« Oh, soft you now, »

« Is that a fucking Hamlet quote? »

« -it is my duty to ensure your well-being. Plus I know you hate talking to cashiers, so. »

« You’re the worst, but thank you. » Virgil rolled his eyes. « I still feel like I owe you one now, though. »

Well you could just kiss me whenever you feel like, a part of Roman’s brain noted. Uhm, what the fuck is your problem? Responded the other.

« Nah, I’ll probably forget it by the next time we talk. » he admitted, ignoring the weird thoughts that were happening in his mind, a mind that needed to shut up for at least a single second.

Virgil muttered an “alright” and was about to turn around and wave him off, like he always did, when he was confronted by a simple demand.

« Uh, can I, like, hug you? »

He stopped in his tracks, considering for a moment, before a “sure” escaped his lips and he started nodding.

Roman stepped closer and wrapped his arms around his chest, content and making a little pleased sound as the other returned the hug. He wasn’t sure why he was being so uncertain that day.

« Bye, Virge! » he called out as he stepped away from his friend and began walking home.

Virgil waved in return and immediately took out his phone and earbuds: after hitting shuffle he was fast to recognize the song by the first chords.

Acceptance, huh? He had discovered their song back in middle school. Boy, did he try so hard to be edgy. Still, certain songs weren’t really that bad.

Oh no, this couldn’t be more unexpected.

He had just made to turn the corner of a mansion’s fence when a realization struck him. And he was still subtly smiling because of it.

He somehow hadn’t been aware of it in the moment, probably because of their distracting conversation.

The lyrics went by in his ears and he almost didn’t even notice the words flowing in his head as that little memory of their afternoon occupied his mind.

Could this be out of line? To say you’re the only one breaking me down like this.

Roman had been brushing his thumb against his skin for almost all the time he had been holding onto his hand earlier.

He also had hugged him a little bit tighter than how he remembered back in October. And he was very excited too, that day.

And yeah, the majority of sane people would have found the situation simply nice or just a normal friendly action. But Virgil?

Come to think of it, I’m aching.

Yeah, he was already burying his face in his hoodie. God, was that heat rushing at his cheeks? Did his body really want to make it any more obvious?

On account of my transgression, will you welcome this confession?

Oh god, oh fu-

Virgil exhaled deeply and rubbed at his face with his hands, an unwelcome warm feeling spreading in his chest, it felt like as if someone was lighting a fire in there, not caring for the emotional damage that they were about to cause. Like a firework sent up in the middle of the night only to startle you enough to wake you up in a cold sweat and thumping heart.

Keep me hanging on so contagiously.

Virgil abruptly ripped the earbuds away from his ears and stuffed everything in his pockets as he leaned on his school’s gate, staring at the parking lot in front of him. His parents had yet to arrive to pick him up.

He had enough time to calm down.

« Well, I’m fucked. »

Maybe.

✾✾✾✾

Princey: HAPPY NEW YEAR V!!

Vee: yeee here’s to another shitty one

Princey: AW COME ON try to be a bit more upbeat

Vee: YEEE HERE’S TO ANOTHER SHITTY ONE!!!!

Princey: THAT’S MORE LIKE IT COMRADE

Vee: wtf okay

Princey sent a pic

Vee: are those streamers in your hair?

Vee: and … glitter?

Princey: don’t question it it’s your turn now send me something

Vee: i don’t think that’s how it works

Princey: do iiiiiit scaredy cat

Vee: fine

Vee sent a pic

Princey: .. wait

Princey: Are you in bed?

Vee: On the couch, actually

Vee: if that’s what you’re asking yes, i’m at home

Princey: and you’re not having fun? Are you okay??

Vee: yes don’t worry

Vee: i’m by myself

Princey: WHAT

Vee: gee it’s not that weird

Princey: no it’s just i thought you were out with friends

Vee: were all busy

Vee: but it’s fine, i don’t really appreciate big and loud parties

Vee: and i jump at every single loud noise so fireworks are a big no for me

Princey: you should have told me!! i would have managed something, we could have even just chilled alone

Vee: no it’s fine really, thank you

Vee: sorry to bring you down with that

Princey: oh shush

Princey: can i call you?

Vee: that’s sweet and all but i’d feel like i’m bothering you so

Princey: what are you talking about, plus there are so many people here they won’t even realize i’m gone for a while

Vee: i don’t wanna waste your time, it’s ok

Princey: but you’re not doing that!

Princey: idk can I at least visit you for some time? I don’t want you being all alone like that

Vee: no

Vee: i mean not that i don’t want you here but i’d feel guilty, i told you

Princey: you don’t have to!!

Princey: i lo kdjsdsdjk

Vee: what-

Princey: look i care about you, you’re one of my closest friends already and i love spending time with you, so if there’s a way for me to cheer you up i will gladly accept it

Vee: that is …

Vee: the gayest thing i’ve ever read

Vee: you’re a dork

Princey: i will take all that as a compliment

Vee: okay let me just

Vee: get my dog off of me

Princey: ADORABLE DOG

Vee: yeah i love her

Vee: and afterwards you can call me alright

Princey: SCORE!!

Princey: okay

Vee: one thing though

Princey: mirror mirror on the wall what’s the question botherin y'all

Vee: … i’ll pretend i’ve never read that

Vee: are you still getting me coffee tomorrow morning like that one time

Princey: if this is a subtle “do you wanna hang out here” i’m all for it, tho expect me to come up at like 11

Vee: wow you know exactly how to make things awkward everytime

Vee: okay dog’s off, you can call

Princey: on it!

✾✾✾✾

It is widely known and said that time flies by quickly when you’re either having fun, doing nothing or during the holidays. Students had reluctantly returned to their daily routines of lessons, homework and studying, trying to frame everything in the best way, so that they had at least some time to breathe between their tasks.

January, sadly, meant that the end of the first term was approaching inexorably and the teachers suddenly realized they needed more marks than they actually had from every student in a matter of two weeks. Everything for the initial report cards that, in the end, didn’t matter at all compared to the final one.

Thanks to February, students would have some time to breathe and re-gain strength until March, which was another wave of tests in preparation for the real monster: May.

For the last years, though, February also meant that they were going to get more information about which subjects they had to focus on the most for their final exams, which could only be linked to chaos, panic and that anxious but subtle feeling that the big moment was coming.

Thankfully, the weekend existed and with it also places for poor unfortunate souls to release stress and distract themselves from the imminent danger.

And that is how we follow two fellow individuals in distress who had decided upon spending their first free time in weeks walking around town and having a nice chat during night. At least before they ended up in a little desolated playground, their scripts in front of their faces, definitely acting more dramatically than needed.

« Do you perform the rites by night or by day? » Roman leaned on one of the street lamps, permitting him to read his line and, at the same time, he widely gestured with his free hand.

« Mostly by night; darkness conveys awe. » Virgil emphasized his second line with such an ominous tone that made his friend giggle lightly.

« Oh my, I’m thrilled. »

« Okay but you’ve got to admit it’s actually a cool phrase to say. »

« Maybe if we were serious enough, my darkling. »

After Virgil’s usual “shut up and keep reading” (which he had been using for the past fifteen minutes, mind you), Roman complied. « This is treacherous towards women, and unsound. » his voice sounded almost offended, his hand trailed over his heart in a fist.

Virgil bit back a grin at the sight. « Even during the day someone may devise what is shameful. »

« This vile quibbling settles your punishment. » the taller one took a few steps forward, pointing his finger on his friend, accusatory.

« Your ignorance and impiety toward the god will settle yours. » Virgil snarled, imitating the other in pointing fingers.

Roman gasped way more dramatically than needed and placed a hand on his chest, eyes wide with disbelief. « How bold the Bacchant is, and not unpracticed in speaking! »

His acting partner intook some breath, before stopping, narrow eyed, while he read his words.

« What, is something wrong? » Roman demanded, eyes scanning the next lines before looking up.

« This is so fucking gay. » he admitted, a smile playing on his lips as he contemplated the possibility of a different turn of events in the plot.

« Dionysus and Pentheus, but make it gayer. »

« Than it already is? That’s a challenge. »

« I have something in mind. » Virgil didn’t like the mischievous look on Roman’s face. « Keep going. »

« Tell me what I must suffer; what grievous harm will you do to me? » he hadn’t noticed how fast the other was to reach him, the previous grin was still imprinted on his lips. His pace faltered only a bit, but didn’t stop when he was a few steps from his Dionysus.

« First, I will cut off your delicate curls. » how Roman could change his tone from a mocking one to a warm and clear one, would forever be an unsolved mystery to the world. He proceeded to raise a hand to Virgil’s hair and slowly moved his bangs to the side, a knuckle brushing his cheek afterwards.

« My locks are sacred; I am growing them for the god. » Virgil played along and started to remember the lines, a result of their persistent reading every week. Not that he could really tear off his eyes from the looming figure in front of him.

« Next, give me this thyrsos from your hands. » other steps forward and Roman had trapped him against some metal bars he wasn’t aware of.

« Take it from me yourself; this is the wand of Dionysus I am bearing. » with no warning, Roman pressed his right hand, where the actual thyrsos would have been, to the bars and locked their fingers together. He leaned in even further, making sure Virgil could notice the sly sparkle in his half-lidded eyes.

« Last, I will guard your body deep in the dungeons. » his other hand gripped the bars right next to the boy’s head, literally trapping him. He had to stay in character, after all.

The leaning was slow this time, but didn’t seem to be stopping at any moment and Virgil could swear he felt his body move without his consent.

Inches apart, and Roman’s lips twitched upward. He stopped.

Virgil snorted.

Next thing they knew they were both bursting out laughing like they had just heard the best joke their favorite comedian had ever made.

« That was- » Virgil tried, after they both collapsed to the ground, weak in their knees for too much hilarity. « That was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. »

« When Pentheus and Dionysus couldn’t get any gayer. » Roman commented through an almost hysterical laughter, while part of his brain began to shut down in a ohgodwhathasjusthappenediwasabouttobutthenididntandisthisthereallife state. An everyday situation to which he was used to, of course.

« Actually, » his friend began, taking a deep breath to calm himself down. « Greek gods are very open about their sexuality. »

« Oh, yeah. Wasn’t it Zeus himself that tried to f- » Roman was instantly shushed to silence, while a pained expression grew on the other’s face.

« We don’t talk about him. »

Fair enough. They had been in comfortable silence for quite a while, sitting on the ground and enjoying the void of the night as the only sources of light showed them only certain features and details of the objects around them.

« Hey, Virge? »

The mentioned boy almost jumped at the sudden sound. « Yeah? »

Roman’s expression, fixated on something ahead of him, was somewhat between focused and in a daze.

« Did you know the teachers wanted to keep your hair growing for the play? »

« What. »

« They decided against it when they realized I actually had to cut them away during the show. »

« Why are you telling me this right now? »

« I was just thinking about … » Roman’s words lingered, as if he thought about whether or not he could disclose a secret.

About me, please say about me. Virgil shook off the bizarre thought while he waited for a response. Are you fucking kidding me? Part of his mind answered. Didn’t all those past experiences teach you anything? Virgil found it harder to concentrate on Roman’s words now, he creased his eyebrows as if he were having a headache.

Those were in elementary school and middle school, you idiot. The other side responded. They were still valid experiences!

« Ohi. » Roman waved his hand in front of the other’s face. « Are you on this planet, sir? »

« Sadly, I still am. »

Roman rolled his eyes at that. « Dang, here I thought the aliens had gotten you. »

« You wish. »

« Anyway, I was about to get going since it’s getting pretty late even for a Saturday night. » he pulled himself on his feet, then smiled brightly and turned to his friend. « Lift home? »

« Thank god you exist. »

And Roman did really try hard to act cool and all, but he found out he couldn’t prevent his face from turning at least the weakest tint of red.

✾✾✾✾

They didn’t know how it was possible, but they made it through until April.

The last two months were a train wreck of multiple meetings between Roman’s wonderful school trip abroad, additional tests, the first exams simulations, and things getting very serious at theater club. The designs, scenes, props and costumes were all coming along neatly and, with everybody giving their all, the excitement for the play could be felt through thin air. Roman was thrilled and he thought that there wasn’t nothing else that could possibly be better than that kind of feeling.

Virgil begged to differ.

He was standing in the middle of the external part of the front of the school with a couple of other classes of his same course; they all had backpacks on their backs and a luggage held close.

Virgil was almost bouncing, unable to stay still, he started tapping his fingers on the handle of his own luggage. The anticipation was killing him, how could everybody else be so calm and casual? They were about to leave for a trip to Greece!

It was the most wanted and awaited of school trips for their course, it happened every three years and not only students were given the opportunity to confront and visit places and subjects they had studied, but also thanks to certain lovable teachers the weirdest and funniest things occurred in those trips. It was a dream come true, finally at their fingertips.

He really didn’t want to seem mean, but Virgil couldn’t stop looking at the time on his phone while one of his closest classmates trailed off talking about how energetic they felt for the trip ahead.

Until …

« Wine god! » what the f-

Virgil and his friend looked up simultaneously to be met with the vision of Roman waving one arm from the top of the external stairs and afterwards quickly running down towards them.

« I didn’t see you anywhere this morning! » he was still half-running when he spoke those words, as he reached them. He put his hands on Virgil’s shoulders.

« We didn’t really leave until now, we had a test. »

His eyes widened « What the heck? Right before a trip? »

Virgil shrugged. They had chosen it was better to do it before than afterwards.

« Well, anyway, I wanted to properly say goodbye and wish you a good travel! »

« Thank you, buddy. You really didn’t have to, aren’t you having a lesson right now? » Virgil raised one eyebrow, uncertain.

Roman showed him one of his stupidly charming grins and put his hands on his hips. « I simply asked to go to the bathroom. »

« I hate to break it to you, Roman, but this isn’t exactly the right way. »

« Oh, shut up. You know I wanted to see you before you headed off for the seven seas! »

« We’re literally traveling through the same sea, what are you tal- »

« It’s been a long day, let me have this. »

Virgil tilted his head to the side, they had been in school for only three hours, what exactly did that make it a long day?

His thoughts were broken by the thundering of one of his teachers who announced that everybody had to get ready since they were going to leave in a matter of minutes.

« Alright then. » Roman murmured with a slightly sad sigh, he quickly replaced his defeated expression with a smile, careful not to be discovered. « I’ll have to leave now. »

C'mon say something. His heart begged for mercy as Virgil looked back up at him and he saw two bright gray irises, the sun’s rays hitting them from the side just enough to make them look like literal crystals.

Anything would do, take your chance, tell him!

His eyes fell to the figure right next to them, still standing there and witnessing every one of their interactions. Well, maybe next time.

Roman leaned forwards and wrapped his arms around his friend’s shoulders in a tight embrace that was soon returned a bit more weakly around his waist. He felt like he was holding on him for dear life more than anything.

His hand trailed at the nape of his neck and stroked his hair for some instants, in which Virgil tightened his own hug and laughed silently on his shoulder.

« I’m not leaving forever, you know? The time zone is not even that different. »

« I know but I’ll be lonely! »

« We both know that’s not true. » Virgil released the other and patted his shoulder. « You’ll be fine and you can text me whenever you want when I’m not in the ferry. »

Roman let out a fake annoyed huff, but smiled anyway. « Have a safe trip, Virge. » he backed away, still facing him while waving a hand.

Then he turned to the other boy.

« Keep an eye on him for me, okay? »

« Will do! »

At this, Roman sprinted away towards his class and could only smirk wider when Virgil called him out with a “Oh shut up, Princey.”

Virgil met his friend’s all-knowing look as he turned away from the spot where he saw Roman disappear, not realizing he had a soft expression written over all of his face.

« Why are you- no. Listen, it’s not what you- »

His friend ignored him, dancing around him. « You’re doing flips, read my lips, you’re in love! » he sang, while Virgil buried his face in his hands since for some godforsaken reason when he was embarrassed he tended to have a weird smile on his face that made him completely implausible. He hated that, it only made people tease him even further.

Which was exactly what happened in this situation, even after Virgil had smacked him behind the head lightly and started to get going towards the bus station as their teachers had instructed.

#prinxiety #roman sanders #virgil sanders #ts roman #sanders sides roman #ts virgil #sanders sides virgil #sanders sides au #fanfiction #prinxiety fic #sanders sides fic #ts fic #to tend thee is my care #purp's writings

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mobius-prime · 5 years ago

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254. Sonic the Hedgehog #185

Mogul Rising (Part One: Needful Things)

Writer: Ian Flynn Pencils: Tracy Yardley! Colors: Josh Ray

Mina is finally back from her world tour, having returned to New Mobotropolis rather than Knothole for obvious reasons. Sonic meets her at the airstrip to welcome her and Ash back, and she informs Sonic that she and Ash have discussed some important things while they were away. Ash reluctantly but sincerely apologizes to Sonic for his jealous behavior in the past, saying that it came from a place of truly caring for Mina and worrying about Sonic's influence in her life, and Sonic likewise apologizes for being an insensitive jerk at times. Back on good terms, Ash leaves to go check things out in the city, while Mina insists Sonic accompany her to the site of Knothole's ruins so she can see it with her own eyes.

Mina is happy, to see Freedom HQ still standing, though currently in the process of being rebuilt due to the damage Eggman's attack caused. Sonic reassures her that there's still a room for her and Ash to stay in if they want despite not being Freedom Fighters, and they enter, greeting Mighty and Tails, who are helping to fix up the roof of the main room. Sonic and Mina enter the lab to find Nicole on screen, calling Sonic back to New Mobotropolis, as apparently, Mammoth Mogul wants to meet with him in the prison. Sonic reluctantly heads back to speak with him, and Mogul wastes no time in arrogantly demanding that Sonic surrender to him, as he claims they find themselves in a "stalemate." Obviously, Sonic finds the idea laughable, as Mogul is currently contained within a cell that blocks all his magical and psychic powers.

I mean, Mogul, can you really blame him for not taking you seriously? The vast majority of people are not gonna find any threats very convincing when they're made from within a cell. That night, Nack irritably talks about how annoying he finds Sonic's attitude, and when Mogul says he's about to be vicariously vindicated then Nack reminds him that Sonic is right and none of them are really about to go anywhere. Mogul simply informs Nack that he's had the foresight to make plans for exactly a situation such as this years in advance, and "marked" several individuals so they can be contacted by his psychic powers even from behind his cell walls. I'm… not sure how that would really work given that the walls are supposed to block all psychic abilities, but sure, whatever! First, he calls out to Mina, reminding her of a memory he erased from her a year ago - that when she was running for her life in Eggman's retaking of Robotropolis, he had projected a vision of himself to give her her powers of speed before removing that part of her memory to create an effective sleeper agent. She "lost her way" when she only used her powers to try to grow closer to Sonic, but now he's finally ready to use her for his own purposes. Second, he calls out to Mighty. We already know a bit of his past, like being imprisoned in the slave labor camp when he was a child, but now we get a little more insight into his backstory and how he ended up alone without his family in the first place.

Well, how fascinating! Somewhere out there, it seems Mighty has a sister, as well as criminal parents locked up in a jail. This is important information, as it comes into play in some plotlines later on. Finally, we have none other than Tails, whom he of course marked when he was holding him prisoner as Turbo Tails while the sentient duplicate took his place. The three individuals wake up, brainwashed and with green diamonds on their foreheads to symbolize their mental enslavement, and simultaneously head for Sonic's room - hey, good thing for Mogul that his three marked subjects and his target are all sleeping in the same general area, right?

The three brainwashed friends tell Sonic as one, in Mogul's voice, that he was warned, leaving Sonic to face off against them and try to find a way to bring them all back without hurting them…

Misfit Badniks: The Salty, Soggy Sequel

Writer: Mike Gallagher Pencils: Dave Manak Colors: Aimee Ray

Welp, we've finally reached Michael Gallagher's final story in the comic! Obviously he hasn't been head writer for many years now, but unlike other former head writers, he's come back every once in a while to contribute a story here and there, presumably just for old times' sake. However, this is his final story - after this, we won't be seeing any more of him. While his silly style isn't much to my taste, and I've definitely had certain problems with his writing, overall he did guide the comic through its earliest years and was the driving influence behind how the preboot's story, world, and characters started out, and I think he deserves a fair bit of respect from that alone. So with that, let's read Michael's final story and say our goodbyes!

So if you'll remember from his penultimate story, the Island of Misfit Badniks has been deliberately sunk to the bottom of the sea so that the badniks and Pseudo-Sonic could continue their evil plans undisturbed. We find out that apparently, Pseudo-Sonic was equipped with a switch that would allow him to grow to an enormous size, so the other badniks flipped it and allowed him to grow outside their submerged island, before getting to work repairing him so he would be operational again. Personally, I think it would be a much better plan to repair him before making him bigger, so you would have to use far fewer materials in the repair process… Anyway, I'm sure you already have an inkling, given the setting, of who's about to come along to save the day. It's the Forty Fathoms Freedom Fighters, of course, ready to murder some more sentient beings, because that's what they do! Several of the badniks charge in to fight them, while the others retreat to speed along their repairs on Pseudo-Sonic so he can defeat the F.F.F.F. properly.

After a bit of fighting, all combatants find themselves being smacked aside by a giant metal-gloved hand, and the gigantic Pseudo-Sonic arrogantly claims that as the biggest thing on the planet, he declares war on all of Mobius! Unfortunately, he's forgotten that there's one last member of the F.F.F.F. that still has yet to show up…

Beautiful. Fluke orders his friends to sweep all the badniks into a pile while he rips the head off of Pseudo-Sonic's metallic corpse for no reason, because really, I cannot overstate enough how bizarrely bloodthirsty these guys are. He then uses his tail to compress Pseudo-Sonic, the badniks, and the artificial island into a single, small cube of metal that can be easily disposed of. With that, the F.F.F.F. make a few last water-related puns, and the story is over. Goodbye, Michael - we've had some good times, and we'll miss your silly style!

#nala reads archie sonic preboot #archie sonic #archie sonic preboot #sonic the hedgehog #sth 185 #writer: ian flynn #writer: michael gallagher #pencils: tracy yardley #pencils: dave manak #colors: joshua d ray #colors: aimee r ray

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waltwest · 4 years ago

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The Freelancer

The following is the first thirteen pages of a short story I am writing titled “The Freelancer”. I hope you enjoy. I apologize for the unappealing formatting, this site does not have the most comprehensive text editor.

Studying the Keurig machine, I wondered how many complacent people it took to ware the word “brew” off the button, leaving behind nothing more than a “b” and an “e”, which looked curiously like an “s”. I imagined this instant coffee machine as the alter in which lost souls came to pay tribute to each morning before assuming their monotonously drudging tasks; lips drawn, eyes downcast. These people were never happy, not even content. It certainly wasn’t a wish of theirs to be here. Men who dreamt of becoming accomplished composers became pencil pushers. Women who yearned to be animators had landed at secretary. The office is where you come to lay your ambition to rest. Maybe it is a lack of assertiveness in demeanor which lands one here, maybe it is the fate of mere circumstance.

But I, Maxwell Goodman, knew what my job meant; I knew I worked among the dead. Luckily, there was a spark of life that incessantly flickered within me. With my ten ounce mug full before me, I reluctantly took my communion once again.

Safely back within the confines of my particle board cubicle, the manila folders and stacks of paper demanding this or that seemed to never be satisfied.

God, who knew lightbulbs could generate so much paperwork, I thought to myself.

I sat in silence and regarded the congregation of slain trees covering my desk. My collar was sticking to my neck… Trying to strangle me, for God’s sake. My mouth was dry and coated with the thick taste of cheap coffee. My desktop stared into my eyes expectantly, patiently waiting for me to pound away on the keyboard like a good boy… Like I was supposed to. The bulbs may be bright, but they can’t sell themselves! That’s what my boss Lonny loved to say. Lonny… God, how can someone be balding so terribly at thirty years old? Is it just bad genetics, or too much cortisol?

I felt a hand clap on my shoulder. “Max-o! Lovely morning, isn’t it? Hey, in case you weren’t aware, Sweet Charade is having a bogo on donuts until the end of the week…”

Speak of the devil.

I swiveled my squeaky and unbalanced office chair to face my boss. “Gee, thanks for filling me in, Lonny. You know how much I love that maple-iced.” I responded, attempting to sound enthusiastic. Lonny was a nice guy, he really was. It’s really difficult to be rude to a guy like Lonny, with his premature baldness and all. You kind of had to feel sorry for him in a way, it was impossible to predict whether or not he was just one snide comment away from completely breaking down. He’s kind of unstable, emotionally. Also, his wife died last year. She fell off a cliff. No really, she did. Her and Lonny took a vacation to the Grand Canyon last August. Kept complaining about how bright the sun was and how she “couldn’t see a damn thing.” Next thing you know, she was trying to take a picture of a bird flying above and somehow managed to fall right off the edge of a cliff. Worst part is, she was eight months pregnant with their son, they were going to name him Clint... So yeah, all in all it’s pretty tough being rude to Lonny.

“I know they’re your favorite, it’s why I told you. Oh, hey-“Lonny pulled his other hand from behind his back, revealing a bloated manila envelope”-think you could handle this for me? Just a little bit of inventory mumbo-jumbo. Nothing too serious!” He was really trying to exude a devastating level of charm, though the effort was ineffective.

One side of the envelope was sagging down in the air under its own mind-numbing weight. I never thought an envelope could actually look depressed, it almost made me giggle. Grudgingly, I acquiesced and accepted the package with the lift of the eyebrows and a nod. I didn’t want to be mean, but I also didn’t want him to think I was thrilled about all the extra nonsense. Hell, he might’ve even pulled another folder out of his waistband or something if he got the idea I was happy about it. “Here, how about closing this deal for a thousand LED’s to the grocery store down the street as well…” No, I had enough paper, truly.

Lonny gave me another hearty clap on the shoulder, his bulbous belly jiggling a bit from the force. Again, I had to prevent myself from giggling… I find myself doing that more frequently than I would care to admit. I get the urge to laugh at the worst times, always. “Thanks, Max. I know I can always count on you.” He confided with a smile of endearment. It was difficult to tell whether that was a positive thing or if this was going to come back and bite me in the ass. Probably the latter.

Ole’ Lonny then gave a sly wink and swaggered off with the air of one who just successfully pawned off his work to an underling, because he could. What a bastard, I thought. He was an alright guy though, I suppose.

After a formalized second trip to the alter, I submerged myself in the humming of the fluorescents above me and the ocean of paper before me. Seven more hours…

At precisely 4:59pm, I slapped all of the folders shut and jabbed the power button on my computer with vehemence. My eyes burned like hell, my head was pounding from all of the caffeine, and my hands were all clammy. Very uncomfortable. God, I couldn’t help but to feel that it wasn’t worth it at the end of each day. I was constantly attacked by the bigger picture. What purpose was I serving? What kind of impact was I having on the world? I dwelled upon these questions often, but couldn’t stand beginning to think about the answers.

After I ended my quick demoralizing contemplation, the sodden procession of rejects began to file out of the glass door. And with the exchanging of “goodbyes” and “see you tomorrows,” my co-workers fell into their hybrid sedans and putted on down the road. Usually I am pulling into my apartment complex before anyone has even started their cars, but I felt like watching today. Sometimes I like to detach myself from situations and just observe.

Like this one time, I was sitting on one of those couches that are situated in the walkway at the mall. You know, those areas where they have four couches are situated in a square all cozy and whatnot, just in case the going gets too rough. Anyway, I was sitting on one of those couches, just watching. I peered into a shoe store and beheld a child throwing a royal fit, really overdoing it. He was around tromping everywhere, steam spilling out of his ears and all. He was screeching about a pair of shoes he wanted but couldn’t have. They were these real hip joints, green canvas with blue laces. They were disgustingly ugly, if you want to know the truth. Knowing how these retail stores are, I bet they were like a billion bucks. “I want the shoes! I want the shoes!” He was yelling.

“I can’t get you those… I can’t. I’m sorry, you know I would...” His father replied weakly, trying his damnedest to not contribute to the mayhem. He looked sad as hell, embarrassed even. I couldn’t tell whether he was embarrassed because he couldn’t afford the shoes, or because his son was being such an ass about it; I suppose it could’ve been a mixture of both.

“Mommy would get them for me! Call Mommy! I want Mommy!” The kid was belligerent. Stompin’ his snow boots all around the store, trying to leave imprints in the god damn carpet. It was winter by the way, Christmas time.

“Oh, you know I can’t do that… I’m sorry, I can’t afford the shoes son. Daddy can’t afford them right now.” He was really trying to be quiet and take control of his bratty offspring. Gosh, he looked so ashamed. I cannot stand ungrateful kids. The father ended up buying his son a cheaper pair of sneakers, to the stomping child’s dismay. I say he shouldn’t have bought him any shoes at all, the way he was acting.

There was something disturbing and insightful about that encounter, though. If I had just been walking by and heard the kid hollering I would have thought he was acting like a bastard, and that would’ve been it. And he was acting like a bastard, don’t get me wrong. But it is intriguing how the layers of the family dynamic unravels, the more you just watch and listen. The divorced parents, the mother always outdoing the father in order to gain their son’s favor… I was able to see a man who didn’t really know what he was doing with his life, or how he’d even gotten there in the first place… He wasn’t in control, maybe he never was. Maybe he never will be. So yeah, I enjoy sitting back and observing sometimes, beats the hell out of boring conversation.

Anyway, it was time for me to leave work. I grabbed my pointless little leather satchel and walked out the door. Outside, the air felt nice and fresh… I love the revitalizing effects of fresh air. It was especially neat that evening because there was also one of those breezes that whips really good every so often. It made me hungry. So, I decided I would grab some Chinese food on the way to my apartment. It’s on the way, and I have a huge thing for oriental food… especially lo mein noodles.

II.

Pint of greasy noodles clutched in hand, I stepped into the elevator of my building and pressed the button for the thirteenth floor, the top floor. I have a fear of heights, so initially I was not too keen on the idea of living so high up. But the thing was, I was pretty down on my luck, I suppose you could even say I was vulnerable. I needed a place quickly and this building was convenient for me… As I said, once I realized the only space for rent was on the top floor, I became a little nervous. But, the woman whom I talked to about the whole thing convinced me that rent was actually cheaper on the top floor. So, despite my uneasiness with heights of any kind, I took the place thinking I was scoring some sort of exclusive insider deal. But, after a few months of residing there and conversing with my neighbors, I learned I was paying around $96 more a month than most people in the whole god damn building. Even the other tenants on my floor were paying less than me. Something about my apartment being a “colonial” this that and the other. I don’t know. I swear to God I’m too gullible sometimes. I still had a year left on my lease.

Up, up, up the elevator went. Nine, ten, eleven, twelve, ding! Thirteen. The doors opened and I made my way down the hall. I will admit, the building itself was not too impressive. The ceilings had a few leaks, the walls were painted an awful yellow. Sometimes the air conditioner shut off randomly. But all in all, it could have been a lot worse. Everything could always be worse, don’t ever forget that.

Of course, my special “colonial” apartment was way at the end of the hallway, number 327. As I approached my rickety door, my eyes locked onto a lone piece of mail sticking out of the little metal mailbox. A quick pulse of endorphins spread throughout my brain. I love getting mail. I pulled the envelope out. It was from the Print Box publishing company! Panic, fear, and excitement rose within my chest all at once.

I guess I forgot to tell you. I have longed to be an author for as long as I can remember. It is my dream, I guess you could say. Unfortunately, I haven’t had any luck getting published, or even acknowledged for that matter. I have written many different stories and have sent them to every publishing house imaginable. I’ve even sent short clips to shitty magazines hoping to get a bite, to no avail. The only responses I have gotten have been rejections. Most often they don’t even take the time to respond… Trust me, it’s not like I wanted to sell lightbulbs as a career, you should realize that by now.

And while I had never received positive criticism or encouragement in the past, it was impossible to not feel hopeful when I got a letter back from a publisher. I believed that one day my luck would shift. It had to… Right?

I hurried and shoved the key into the door, then shot straight to the couch to read what Print Box had to say. My noodles sat on the coffee table, untouched and getting slightly cold.

I ended up sitting frozen for a couple of minutes, staring at the front of the envelope… As if the address lines were going to tell me that it was going to be okay, this time was different. Really, I was savoring the moment. I had a certain amount of measured confidence when it came to this letter. In my opinion, the story I sent to Print Box was amazing, one of my best yet. It was a story about an inter-galactic space traveler who ends up meeting God and finding out He’s not how everyone thinks He is. I promise it’s not as crumby as it sounds. It was good. You would just have to read it.

Life seemed to be still around me; a foreboding, ominous stillness. Blood was rushing to my ears. My hands shaking ever so slightly, I ran my finger underneath the seal, and took out the prophecy within. Please, let this be it. Please.

It read as follows:

“Dear Mr. Goodman,

We received your manuscript for ‘Creator’s Paradox’. After review, we are terribly sorry to inform you that we have decided not to publish your work. It is simply not a fit for us.

Best Wishes,

Print Box Publications”

A cold knife sank deep into my chest. What? That’s it? The letter trembled in my hands. The excitement and hope fled my body entirely, and had been replaced by sorrow and confusion, even anger. How could this be? I should have known. I shouldn’t have expected anything more. Why would this time be any different? It was then that I thought maybe I should just give up. I am no good at this, I absolutely suck. That must be it… They say to chase your dreams, but what if you are just terrible? I had never felt such dread. Maybe I was meant to sell lightbulbs for a living…

Unceremoniously I ripped the bad news in half and let it fall onto the table. Sinking back into the frayed cloth couch, I would have been completely okay with just disappearing in that moment, I felt deflated.

After a shameful amount of sulking, I forced down the then limp noodles, grabbed a beer from the fridge, and slid out onto the balcony.

The night was warm, but not unreasonably so. It was that time of year when you keep a jacket in the backseat of your car, because you can never be certain which way the thermometer will flow. But even though the night was cozy, I had a rain cloud hovering over my head. I was already beginning to accept my future. The cardboard cutout life I was going to surrender to. 401k’s, strategies to improve my credit score… That sort of thing.

I sipped my beer and looked out upon the terrain before me, in the most reflective of moods. I had to admit, the view was pleasurable from up here. I lived in the boot heel of Indiana, by the way. An area of the world where it is commonplace for urban and rural landscapes to collide, battling for a prominent grip over the territory. Upon my perch, I could see and feel the city below me: the streetlamps, stoplights, cars honking at nothing in particular, the smell of gas and concrete which invaded the nostrils. But when I looked beyond the ring of cityscape, seemingly endless fields and small hillocks rolled into the horizon, with a strip of highway interceding here and there. The occasional semi would be finding its way through the night, like a worm over soil. It was comforting in a way, made you feel like you could always just escape if you wanted to or needed to.

I found and traced one semi making his way across the fields. He was at such a distance, I could only distinguish him by the studded lights that adorned his truck. He looked so lonely, plodding along out there, all by himself. I wondered, was he happy? Did he choose his life for himself? Or did he just throw in the towel, like I was having thoughts of doing… I suppose I would never find out. Not like I could pluck him off the road and ask him. Or her. I shouldn’t just assume they are a man. I wonder how much truck drivers make? I heard they bring in quite a bit of dough, actually… I pictured myself taking the reigns of my own eighteen-wheeler; soaking in the sights, getting into a bit of trouble at the various truck stops. It didn’t feel right, though. For a moment I felt my skin squirm.

The fight of two alley cats below suddenly tore me out of my trance. I noticed I was rubbing my fingers together really hard, and all of a sudden the stench of garbage filled the air. It was all discomforting. I realized that this was the moment that was going to lay the foundation for the rest of my time on Earth. Will I push onward, and become who I want to be? Or do I choose the easy, less turbulent path, and adjust. We all stumble upon this fork in the road at some point throughout our lives. Although, unfortunately, most are blind to the path tucked behind the brush, the path we were each destined to take. We only see the wider, more trodden path of conformity.

As I stood at the helm of my splitting path, I knew within my heart which route I was going to take. There was no question… I was going to part the foliage and venture into the canopied forest.

III.

The time was getting close to ten, but I had struck a vein of determination and inspiration. I was not going to simply shrug it off and go to sleep.

Back and forth I paced around the cramped living room. Couch. Coffee table. Television, resting upon an empty entertainment center. Plastic lamp situated in the corner. Generic cream carpeting. Bland, unextraordinary.

I paced and paced, contemplatively gripping my chin.

I knew I had to write something. But what should I write a story about? Gosh, I began to get nervous. In the early twentieth century, here was this Italian novelist named Cesare Pavese. There is a quote of his wherein he states, “the only joy in the world is to begin.” The only feeling I get when I begin something is anxiety and confusion… I can see where he is coming from though, I suppose. There is bound to be intrigue when diving into something new. And anxiety. Shit, where the hell did those Valium go?

My pacing shifted its course to the bathroom. On the way I passed the boring ass photos that were framed in the four-foot-wide hallway, standing guard. A vase of flowers sitting on a patio table. A tire swing. It felt like the first time I had ever seen these pictures. So generic… So dumb. God, they made me want to puke. Why didn’t I take them down whenever I moved in? My blood pressure was rising. Fucking stock photos.

I crashed into the bathroom and swung the mirror open. The ole’ medicine cabinet, baby. Where everyone goes when in need of a little chemical therapy. We’re all guilty…

Sifting through prescriptions old and new, some in my name, others not, I eventually found what I was searching for. Also, upon studying the array of medications in front of me, I realized I may have a slight drug problem. Oh well, it’s not as bad as it once was.

I recall one incident in particular from the past. I must have taken twelve Xanax bars, maybe more. I went to the park (I love the park) and was feeding some pigeons; leftover Doritos I had found in my car, they were at least four months past the expiration date. Anyway, after just tossing chips around all over the sidewalk for about half an hour, I took a particularly special interest in one of the pigeons. He was a bit smaller than the rest, and one of his eyes was circled in black. Incredibly unique, at least in comparison the others. He was really taking control of the situation too, despite his size. Really getting in there, hardly sharing any of the precious chips. Greedy bastard… I think that’s why I liked him so well.

Anyway, I decided that I needed him. You know, with his attitude, maybe he could protect my pad or something. I don’t know, I was pretty high. So, after wrestling with him for a bit (if you can picture that), it became clear I could not just pick the rowdy fucker up. Had a lot of fight in him. I wouldn’t have been surprised if he had pulled out a cigar from beneath his wing and started puffin’ at me, head all cockeyed and whatnot. “C’maaaaaaaaaan, that all ya got?” I had to regroup, construct a more inventive method of capture.

Bingo. Easy. He may have been all brawn, but he still had an observable weakness… Doritos.

With an inward smirk, I strategically (and sloppily) began making a trail of chip crumbs that led to the opened passenger-side door of my car. Worked like a charm, perhaps too well. The whole damn flock began tottering and flapping over to my car. At this point I realized my coveted plan may have had a detrimental absence of foresight, I thought I was surely doomed. But as always, there was a solution. When the horde got within a few feet of my vehicle, I started kickin’ and screamin’ at all of them. They all flew away quick as can be, except for my new friend of course, the bravest of them all. Victory. I finally managed to coerce the prize fighter into my car with one last huge Dorito, and off to the races we went.

He shit all over my seats, my dashboard, everything. God, it was terrible. Stunk like hell, too. To make a long story short, we were never meant to be friends. He continued to mercilessly defecate all over the apartment, pecked the hell out of my ankles, he was extremely aggressive… Not house trained in the slightest.

Needless to say, I was positively sick of this bastard by this point… I decided the best course of action would be turning him into profit. I took him down to the gas station and tried to peddle him off to the cashier for three dollars… He declined. But to be fair, I believe if he wasn’t at work and whatnot, trying to look good for his boss, he would have gone for it. He truly looked like he wanted that pigeon something fierce… Got all wide-eyed, sweat gathering at the brow. Either he wanted that pigeon, or he was deathly afraid of it. It was almost weird, his intensity.

Yeah, I used to be kind of awful about it. That happened right after high school. I wasn’t too productive back then, sometimes I wish I could go back and change those years.

Anyway, I quickly swallowed forty-five milligrams of Valium in the bathroom, on account of my soaring blood pressure and all. The stock photos didn’t help. Plus, I really needed to buckle down and figure out what I was going to write and how I was going to blow the socks off of the publishers and leave their feet steaming. This had to be the big one.

IV.

I set up shop in the kitchen, the only place in my apartment that has a table and chair. I had my tools for creation all laid out. A trio of freshly sharpened pencils, a pad of paper, and one of those noise machines that produces rainforest sounds and whatnot. Yes, I like those, and yes, I still believe in pencil & paper. Staring at a computer screen for extended periods of time isn’t quite healthy for you. It’s terrible on the eyes, you know. Additionally, there is something therapeutic about manually writing out each letter of a word, your hand carefully forming every one of those curves… The act feels intimate, and poking at a keyboard just isn’t the same. But I digress.

Let’s see… Romance novels are too cheesy, you almost always know how they are going to end. I had already recently tried my hand at space exploration. Though space is endless, making the potential for stories based in space limitless as well. Still, I wasn’t really in the mood at that moment. Ugh, brainstorming is too much work, truly. This is why I like it best when the ideas come to me naturally.

Just as I was delving deeper into thought, or trying to, my phone rang from the counter behind me. It gave me a shock, partly because it was getting so late and partly because hardly anyone ever called me.

Casually I looked to see who my caller was. “Silas,” the screen read. Of course. Silas is an old pal from school that I kept in touch with for some reason. He’s a morally decent guy I suppose, has a good heart. He just never quite grew up.

“Hello?”

“Maximillian! What’s up?” He was totally stoned. In the background I could hear the bubbling of a bong along with feminine laughter. I heard something else too, faintly… Was that… Street Fighter?

“Hey, Silas. It’s almost one in the morning, what’s going on?” I tried my darndest not to sound rude, sometimes I have a problem with that.

“Oh, nothin’ much man…” More laughter, it caused me to wonder what the hell was so funny. “Hey, Max, do you have any molly? Need some molly… Ecstasy.”

Initially I figured he was stoned, but he was progressively sounding more drunk than anything. Probably both. “Silas, I haven’t done molly in over three years. What the hell are you thinkin’, do I got any molly? No, I do not… Are you fuckin’ drunk?” This guy blew my mind sometimes.

Awkward silence. More bubbling. And yes, that was certainly Street Fighter. “Damn dude, my bad… For some reason I thought you might.” More silence. Generally, it’s difficult for this man to process more than a couple of sentences at a time… Got a hell of a heart though. “Well, okay. Hey, do you know anybody who does?” He sounded wistful, maybe even a bit desperate. All the sudden I had the feeling I was not the first person he called about this. It made me sad in a way.

I sat crisscross on the tile. Why there instead of the chair? I don’t know, it’s what I felt like doing then, okay? I liked the fresh perspective. “No, ‘fraid not. Haven’t touched the stuff in a long time.” Pause. “What the hell ya been up to anyway, Silas?” I was genuinely interested. I began picking at the tile with my fingernail.

“Uhhh, nothing really. I-…” He really had to think about what he had been up to. “Went to a Cannibal Corpse concert last week. Yeah, concert and stuff.” He sounded like he was about to fall asleep, or become a corpse himself. God, look at all that dust beneath the fridge…

Just then, I got a wonderful idea. “Gee, that sounds like loads of fun. Hey, Silas. If you were going to write a story, what would it be about? You know, if you were just going to write a story or something… About anything.” I was curious. I wanted to squeeze his mushy brain and see what came out. Plus, the Valium had me feeling a bit conversative.

The line was quiet for awhile. I could’ve sworn he had fallen asleep, phone pinned between his shoulder and cheek, slobber dripping from his chin. “-A story? Story… Probably about a barbarian or something. Barbarian who has a club and nails chicks in his cave. Like Conan, I guess.” Silence… “Hey, Conan nailed chicks in caves, right?” He was asking someone next to him.

Boom, inspiration flooded the inside of my head, almost making me dizzy. How didn’t I think of this before?

Obviously, his idea was stupid. But the barbarian aspect intrigued me. How fun would that be? A barbarian who finds himself in a world of magic. Brings it back to Earth for the betterment of humanity. I don’t know, something silly like that. Something people will read, something that will keep them entertained.

Silas focused his attention back to me. I had almost forgotten I was on the phone with him. “Max, buddy. Hey, Max. Do you have any molly, by chance?”

I didn’t have the time for this anymore. I needed to get to work. “Sorry, gotta go. Goodbye, Silas.” I hung up the phone. Krosmere… That’s what his name will be.

I bounced up from the floor and positioned myself back at the table.

I took a deep breath, turned on the trusty rainfall machine, and poised my pencil. It was time to craft the legacy of Krosmere, rogue barbarian. I couldn’t remember the last time I had been so excited to start something. I was now beginning to feel the meaning of Cesare Pavese’s words.

A ray of early morning sun dove into the kitchen from the window above the sink, casting the table before me in an orange-red glow. There I was, hunched over my papers, clad only in an old white tee-shirt and a pair of pinstripe boxers. Every hallow in my body had filled with salty perspiration.

Truly, I had not realized how late it was getting. Or, rather, how early… I risked a glance at the clock on the oven. “5:41am” it read in its obnoxious neon green radiance. Somewhere down the hallway I could hear the maddening wail of my alarm clock trying to be a voice of reason or something, I suppose. How did I not hear that until now? BAH, BAH, BAH, BAH, BAH. God, I just wanted to throw the damn thing against the wall. I have done that quite a few times already. Like after Cinco De Mayo last year. Threw that motherfucker so good it flew out of my room and smacked the wall in the hallway. Or after the Colts lost the Super Bowl. Hell, it wasn’t even morning time, and I’m not into sports! I just went into my room and punted the sumbitch right into the ceiling. I can be childish sometimes. There was also that one time when my ex-girlfriend threw the alarm clock at me… Does that even count? I don’t know. My alarm clock is actually quite beaten up, I should probably buy a new one.

“5:47am”. As I sat there a couple more moments, I felt intruded upon. As if the sun was invading my privacy, putting me on a stage for all the world to laugh at. Don’t you hate that?

I strutted to my bedroom, sticky boxers and all, and silenced the howling beast. On my way out, after tripping over an extension cord gone awry, I stood face-to-face with the blasphemous stock photos. Those motherfuckers were taunting me, I know they were. The flowers! The fucking tire swing! Are you kidding me? Rage flared within me. I seriously could not begin to tell you why or how I allowed these abominations to remain for so long. They really made me want to puke.

Instinctively I tore the frames from the wall and stomped back to the kitchen with them tucked under my arm. I could’ve sworn to God they were burning me with their wickedness, their phoniness.

I found myself in front of the window, the same window the damn sun broke in through. I disengaged the lock and threw it open. A blast of chill air sucked inward, air you could tell was leftover from the night. It had a nice smell. It was then that I realized how muggy it had been in the kitchen. Like two (or more) people were in here having sex all night or something. If only.

I peered outside into the shifting sky. You know, there isn’t a lot to brag about in Indiana, but the sunrises are absolutely beautiful. Picturesque, you could say. Deep reds that bleed over the entire Earth, splashes of orange, streaks of lavender. They are serene.

I felt a searing on my side. Pulling the photos out from my arm, I flung them out into the open air without so much as a last glance. I suppose I could have thrown them in the trash, but then they would still be inside the apartment. They had to be eradicated, and immediately. With pleasure I envisioned gravity pulling them down, down, down, all thirteen floors, where they would meet their well-deserved demise on the sidewalk below. Gosh, I hope they don’t hit anything… An afterthought.

It took only a grain of sand in the hourglass of our universe for the photos to collide with the pavement, marked by a satisfying crash. Later some would testify that a dog’s yelp followed just after the commotion, but I heard no such thing.

Smug and triumphant with a menace destroyed, I turned on my heel, only to be blasted with more joy as my gaze fell upon my papers on the table. Oh, my work! My lovely work!

The lack of sleep, the now sweat stained boxers… It had all been worth it. I had spent all night crafting the structure for what I know, without a doubt, will be my best story ever. The big one.

I had finished the outline, was already on the second chapter of the story. Hell, I even sketched out a picture of ole’ Krosmere. A muscle-bound barbarian. Thick, long brown hair (like mine). I made him only have one nipple, though. You know, to add character and all that. Really, I am a terrible artist. I couldn’t draw my way out of a two-dimensional square if I had to.

I still had about three hours until I needed to start selling lightbulbs, which was fine with me. You can do a lot in three hours, if you really try. I figured I could make some breakfast, get cleaned up, maybe even go for a walk. Working through the day without a wink of sleep was not something I really looked forward to, but it wasn’t that big of a deal. Adderall. I’m fairly sure I had someone’s script in my cabinet still. You know, for emergencies and the like.

With a newfound pep in my step, I threw the pan onto the rusted stove and began cracking some eggs, whistling along with the birds perched among the rooftops outside.

#writing #fiction

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desperationandgin · 5 years ago

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Strawberry Wine (Part 1, Chapter 3)

Rating: General Audiences

Author: desperationandgin

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