#this is my blog now? cool love to remind all of y'all this has no consistent theme

[vitaminseetarot]

PAC: Random Messages You May Need 🌈🎆⛅

Sup, y'all. I'm finally back for another pick a card reading. I really apologize if folks have not heard from me over the past month, I meant to get this reading (among other things) out a while ago. I have not been able to touch tarot for the past few weeks. Life has been… topsy turvy, to say the least. Heh heh. [sweating profusely]

I meant to have another game out and to have paid readings available by now--that is still part of the plan. What was meant for June will be in July. So this blog might go from 0 to 100 mph real soon, to move along with plans as intended!

I was loosely inspired by the Baker pride flag from 1978 for this group selection. These piles are pretty nondescript: each one contains a random message that may resonate with you. Pick based on whichever color of the Prism Oracle speaks to you most, and feel free to choose more than one. Take only what resonates.

Pile 1 - Strength (Red) Pile 2 - Happiness (Orange) Pile 3 - Illumination (Yellow) Pile 4 - Movement (Green) Pile 5 - Flow (Turquoise) Pile 6 - Trust (Blue) Pile 7 - Intuition (Violet) Pile 8 - Love (Pink)

Pile 1 - Strength (Red)

10 of Swords, Insight

You've been asked by the universe to put up with a lot, especially recently. You're reaching a finish line of a very long and brutal marathon. There have been too many times where you questioned whether or not to throw in the towel. If you have, you may also have questioned whether or not it was the correct choice. Sometimes, things don't work out, and it's better to move on. It can be difficult to hold everything up when one thing after another seems to fall apart at the seams, but either way you're being reminded of the light at the end of this long and turbulent tunnel.

Collect yourself, pick up what pieces you can. Time has shifted everything, but the essentials still stand. Gather the wisdom you have learned from this ordeal. There is still beauty to be found in the decay, glittering gems in the rough.

Maybe you don't want to get stronger. Healing may feel like a better option than grinding for difficult experience points. Give yourself the rest and repair you need. Let go of only that which is keeping you from starting again, but you don't need to throw the baby out with the bathwater. You've gained so much wisdom and strength, this trial wasn't without gain. Treasure it and begin anew.

Pile 2 - Happiness (Orange)

2 of Swords, Clarity

Whatever answers you seek are coming to you. Or perhaps they've already arrived; open your eyes and see for yourself. You may be wondering which path will satisfy you more. The process of reconciling this could take forever unless you lean on your gut here. This can't be decided based on intellect alone, for you could get stuck mulling it over for days. Imagining all the different possible outcomes could be taxing for your brain, so narrow it down. Eliminate the weakest links and home in on what excites you. It should feel like an "aha, yes!"

If you cannot see the answer right away, go within to the realm of imagination. Feel your way through. Visualize not just with sight but with yearning. Does the light of the sun make you feel hopeful? Does the cool rain make you feel relaxed? Would an art class expand your capacity to imagine many things, or would taking a science class?

The X mark in 2 of Swords is like a railroad crossing sign. Redirect that train of thought into brighter and more positive avenues of expression. Say "what if" as if you can't wait for something to happen. "What if I saw a shooting star tonight? What if my cute neighbor asked me out?" Let the future shine its beacon for you. It will all make sense in due time.

Pile 3 - Illumination (Yellow)

Ace of Cups, Reconciliation

Have you been staying up way too late trying to figure everything out? Please give yourself a brain curfew: no problem solving or saving the day after 10 pm! I'm getting that you may tend to ruminate on the same strong emotions. For some I'm getting that there is a crush here. There's inconsistent text messaging. I know it's easy to get too nervous about their reply, but try to wait until at least the next day to hear back. They may need time to formulate their words right. They may not even see your message straight away. Take it all in stride and sleep on it; if they want to reach out to you, then they eventually will.

For others in this pile, you may be going through a rough patch with another person right now and could be wondering how things will pan out. Give them time to respond, they could still be processing it. Stay on the more positive end of things with the idea that things will work themselves out. I feel like if you can manage this in a relaxed and non hurried way, the knot will untangle easily. The coffee in the Ace of Cups is very hot, so give it a chance to cool.

There is opportunity in your near future to make up for something that went awry due to a miscommunication error. You may get a chance to make up for a test, appointment, or an interview. You will receive grace for any mishaps. Remember that tomorrow won't necessarily be the same as today, so cherish both the good you have now along with the good that soon awaits you.

Pile 4 - Movement (Green)

IX Hermit, Devotion

Looks like things are progressing faster than you even thought they would. You may be blinking your eyes in partial disbelief: could this ball really be rolling? Indeed, thanks to your efforts, goals are being met and results are more evident by the day. You eschewed a lot of distractions to make this work, so give yourself a pat on the back for the level of commitment you put into it. Some of you in this pile may have just graduated, if so then congratulations! But try not to get too comfortable with your laurels, for you have a long road ahead of you in whatever you do next. This one completion is the start of many.

Does that thrill you? If so, wonderful! On the other hand, some of you may be feeling uncertain about continuing. You may be reviewing your options to see if this really is worth pursuing. Something that requires a lot of dedication and focus on it to the exclusion of all else… yeah, I can see how that can get tiring after a long time. There are folks who can get their Master's right after their Bachelor's, or have another child right after the first, but people can also happily move on to what feels more right for them instead.

It's okay to stop and assess your tracks if necessary. Taking time off is not the same as quitting. It's not losing motivation, it's recovering it. This is your passion and your discipline, not anyone else's. If you need to give other parts of your life more room to breathe, then do so with the confidence that your great work will wait for you.

Pile 5 - Flow (Turquoise)

4 of Wands, Hospitality

Have you been stuck with something for a while? There's a strong sense of a blockage that is being eroded away over time. This process can be sped up by allowing the ice to thaw a little more. "Break the ice." You may be wanting to open up and spend more quality time with other people but don't know how. Or you could be faced with meeting new people and being nervous about interacting with them. Even more so if they're roommates. A few people in this pile could be moving or have just moved. This is a chance to ease up and get to know new people.

This blockage could be a result of the past and of anxiety. The sound of a turning doorknob just jumpscared me as I typed the last sentence. You may benefit from learning about social anxiety and how to manage it. It's not an overnight job for you to fix this, though, but to just be aware of it and not allow it to get in the way of positive change in your life.

If you're struggling to figure out how to deal with meeting new people, I would suggest looking up videos or how-tos on social interaction, especially if a certain etiquette is required for an event. Learn about conversation starters and fun things you could do together like hosting a game night. Practice makes perfect, and over time the blockage will melt into the stream.

Pile 6 - Trust (Blue)

3 of Swords, Conversion

You have a very soft and tender outlook on life, which makes it all the more painful when reality doesn't conform to such a compassionate vision. It doesn't always try to respond to vulnerability in appropriate ways. Much of the time, this isn't from natural events as much as it stems from the ways in which people can treat one another cruelly. You've had some toxic people in your life who have put you through the wringer and attempted to squeeze every ounce of kindness they could from you. Making light of this pain to them only resulted in further deflection and antagonism on their part. The only outcome was to salvage whatever you could and pray for the best.

It is not your job to change their closed minded perspectives. They're on their own, here. Do not concern yourself with their messy inner world and lose any more of your energy. Also, do not attempt to regain what energy has been lost through bargaining either, as much as it hurts to press onward without looking back. You will recover, but you have to move on first and prioritize what you deeply care about most (you included).

There will come a time when your heart will be healed so you can see the brighter side of human connection again. All the beauty that your gentle soul is seeking is still there, shrouded by layers of protective petals that will one day bloom again and your life will truly flourish. For now, this is a time to give yourself all the comfort you can.

Pile 7 - Intuition (Violet)

XII Hanged Man, Spring

I get the feeling that you've been waiting quite a while for some good results to come in. This could either be from something that you started back in the spring, or are waiting to see results which may come around springtime. It is a season of flowers, so you may be waiting for this thing to blossom--that is, to be fully presentable to the public in some way. To have something to show for the time you put in. Like "hey, this is what I've been working on, this came from the seeds I planted." It could be growing in a direction unlike what you're used to, leaving you wondering how it could succeed in such unusual and burdensome conditions.

Lean on your inner guidance when it comes to the right timing. I don't believe that you're currently in a space where you need to push so hard for the best results. You can let things move at their own pace. Over tending to anything can end up in just as much trouble as neglect. There's only so much you can do before you have to let the flower do the growing and blooming for itself.

It's not always easy to sit in the place of uncertainty with the idea that doing more will provide more. But sometimes less is more. What you're creating is coming to fruition and may even turn out better than you expected. Trust in both the knowledge you've earned over time from learning lessons, as well as your natural intuition, to help you decide when it's time to take action.

Pile 8 - Love (Pink)

7 of Swords, Gossip

Let your heart lead the way here, not your worries over what others will think. Sure, you may end up with some people talking about you, but opportunities will keep passing by if you wait for everyone else to catch up to you. Leaning too much on everyone else's perspectives will only distort the vision you have for your own life journey. We all have unique journeys to go on, but unconditional kindness remains at the center of the Love card, the one thing that brings us together. Following life from a heart centered place may result in having others glance over and whisper, but that shouldn't distract you.

There is a rather delicate message here about dealing with friendships, colleagues, or possibly even family. You may have a tricky situation between several other people right now who have beef not with you but with each other. They may be coming to you to air their grievances and ask for advice.

If you care about both of these people, then it's best to approach this issue as diplomatically and impartially as possible and avoid feeding into the conflict. What would an enlightened mindset do in this situation? How would you want the other person to behave if they were in your shoes? Come from a place of pure compassion. They may choose to make amends or not, it's up to them. If their butting heads is bringing you down, it's always okay to step back and take a break. You are not responsible for what's going on in their heart, only your own, so protect yours well.

This reading has not been evaluated by the FDA to diagnose, prevent, treat, or cure any disease or infection. Please ask your physician before going online.

2024, @VitaminseeTarot ™

[gojos-thot-patrol]

please could we get cuddling headcanons for gojo geto and nanami. seriously though i love your blog your one of my new favourite writers!

Oh reader, that is so sweet of you to say! Thank you so much Dear. and flattery will get you everywhere around here <3 that being said,

Now Presenting...

Starring: Satoru Gojo, Suguru Geto, Kento Nanami, and Ryomen Sukuna (I had to cast him, I'm sorry!)

Satoru Gojo

His love language is physical touch, so you know this man is a massive cuddle bug! If you have the opportunity, you guys are cuddling.

This may be controversial but I stand by this next take: He is the little spoon. Like, He’ll be the big spoon, but he 100% prefers to be the little spoon

He’s a soft boy that just needs a hug ok? Protect him!

His favorite date nights are stay at home movie nights. Not because he likes movies, he does, but it’s not why. He’s excited to hold you close while you drift to sleep, the soft sounds of you snoring reminding him that there is beauty in the small moments of life.

I feel so bad for you guys in the summer, because it doesn’t matter to him how hot it is, he’s going to cuddle with you. You’re going to pass out tangled in his arms and wake up tangled in them. Who needs his giant California king, if he has it his way, y'all take up only enough space for a twin

He just wants to hold you while the two of you whisper about your future together. The colors of your wedding, how many kids the two of you wanted, where you’d move your family once it was all said and done.

It’s all fantasy, of course. The equivalent of making up the most dramatic scenarios to soothe yourself to sleep. But still, it gives him a fleeting sense of comfort. Late at night, when it’s just him and the sound of your steady heart-beat, it gives him hope that maybe, just maybe, one day he won’t just be playing domestic with you. He can actually be domestic with you.

Maybe that's why Gojo values cuddling so much. He’s intimacy starved and needs to create it in anyway, ya know?

Anyways, moral of the story is: Satoru loves cuddling, and I hope you do too!

 Sidenote: I just know this man gives the best hugs/cuddles. His arms are that long for a reason god damn it.

Suguru Geto

…..He’s not a big cuddler- HEY HEY, PUT AWAY THE PITCHFORKS, LET ME EXPLAIN-

He’s not a big cuddler! It’s hot, he doesn’t know where to put his limbs, and his arm always falls asleep. 

Which is why when you insist on cuddling with him and he's actually comfortable it’s kind of a big deal for him. (See? Put down your torches.)

He still doesn’t want to admit that he likes cuddling though. At this point it’s like, almost a pride thing. So he’s a sneaky cuddler. 

You’re watching Hulu on the couch when suddenly there's an arm around you. You go to sleep on separate sides of the bed but wake up tangled in his arms. You’re quietly reading on your front porch and suddenly his arms are wrapped around you, asking you about the book.

My point being, He never directly asks for cuddles, he just kinda cuddles you then reads your body language to see if he’s welcome or not, ya feel?

I will say, and yall should see this coming, the only time he’s openly receptive to cuddles is when he’s showing you new music. 

He’ll hold you close, playing with your fingers while the two of you discuss lyrical meanings and parts of the music you like. 

He’ll tap out the beat of the song on your thigh while he holds you what feels impossibly close, kissing the top of your head. You could feel the vibration in his chest as he hummed along to the melody. Music will always be how Suguru feels intimacy.

I really do always bring it back to music with him, don’t I?

Kento Nanami

Nanami honestly feels neutral about cuddling. If you want it, cool! If not, also cool. He doesn’t crave it the way Gojo does, but he also isn’t against it the way Geto is.

The exception being after a mission. Especially the missions that take him away from home. When he gets home from those, he’s dropping his bags on the floor then holding out his arms and making grabby hands.

Missions always suck for Nanami since he started dating you, because now he’s scared of death. Don’t get me wrong, beforehand he wasn’t suicidal or anything- he for sure wasn’t going to make stupid moves or put his life at risk. But death also didn’t scare him, it just came with the job.

But now you’re here. And he knows that if he dies, It’s going to destroy you. He can’t have that, so his already stressful job just got 10000 times more stressful, because literally every mission is a brush with death for a first grade sorcerer.

So when he gets home, The only thing he wants is to collapse on your shared bed, and hold the person he does all of this for. It’s the reward he gets for making it this far.

It’s quiet too. Nanami is not one to talk about his work, but you can tell how stressful it was by how long he insists on cuddling with you. Only an hour or two? Eh, probably not that big of a deal. But one time he literally held you until you both fell asleep and well into the next morning. Satoru let you know that Nanami actually almost died that night, and only survived thanks to Shoko being a healer. 

Nanami almost killed him for telling you. He never wants you to worry.

Also he’s definitely the big spoon. Look at him. Tell me I’m wrong.

He just takes comfort in your presence, knowing you’re there and you love him helps.

Someone give Nanami a hug for me, thank youuu

Ryomen Sukuna

Oh Ryomen, my boy. What are we going to do with you? You’re not a part of the request and you don’t fit it, but I have to force you into all things, don’t I?

As a heads up, Sukuna comes with a slight nsfw warning. It is suggestive.

Sukuna is not into cuddling. Really, he’s ambivalent at best, against at worst, any touch that doesn’t lead to sex.

That doesn’t mean he doesn’t cuddle though. If you’re watching tv or going to bed and it's convenient, whatever. He won’t push you away. 

He’s not going to hide anything that pops up either if you get what I’m saying. He’s less of a ‘oh my bad’ type of guy and more of a ‘and what are you gonna do about it?’ kinda guy.

Now, all of that being said, I’ve said before that Sukuna lives in a domestic delusion with you in his head. So if you go too long without asking him to cuddle up with you, he gets angry about it. Like, what, is he not good enough to cuddle you now?! Get over here and accept his affection!

If that sounds confusing to you that's because yes. It is!

Really, the tragedy of Ryomen is that he craves intimacy and affection, but he can never bring himself to admit that because that would mean weakness and vulnerability. He wants you to recognize that he needs these things without him telling you. Like, of course he likes cuddling! He doesn’t kill you when you cuddle him, does that not make it obvious! It shouldn’t matter he’s told you he doesn’t like it!

God I feel so bad for all the Sukuna girlies out there.

Me, it’s me. I may be Gojos-Thot-Patrol, but I am 1000% Ryomens thot 🫀

Oh, as a final bit, his favorite part about cuddling with you is your warmth. You heard me. He’s always cold as a curse, and can’t really generate his own body heat. So yours is intoxicating. If he could spend eternity basking in your warmth, he would <3

[eddiexmunsonlover]

One Step Away From You (Chapter 7)

BSF!Eddie Munson x PlusSize!Fem!Reader

Follow my new blog for future chapters & fics @cherryxhaze

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Chapter Summary: You spend some much needed one-on-one time with Max, and celebrate Halloween with the Party. WC: 5.8k Warnings: MDNI as always. Explicit language. Talks about death, grief, trauma, depression, guilt, all the fun stuff. Brief run in with Jason and his lackies. Total idiots in love, mutual pining fest in here. We're helping Max heal this chapter <3 Sorry for the delay in getting this chapter out, life has been lifing but I hope y'all enjoy it! I had fun writing this one. Taglist: @eddie-is-a-god @siriusmaraudeers

Friday, October 25th, 1985

The cool October night breeze caresses your skin as you step out the doors of Hawkins High, the excited chatter of the club members following behind you. When you hear quick steps approaching behind you, you turn to see Eddie fall in step next to you.

“So remind me again why you’re bailing on me for our only just recently reinstated Friday movie nights?” he questions, feigning offense. You scoff out a small laugh as you dig for your keys in your bag, approaching your truck parked next to his van.

“Because I already told you, I’m taking Max out to the drive-in.”

“Oh yeah, what movie are you gonna see?”

“They’re playing Silver Bullet tonight.”

“Oh man. Yeah, I’ve heard about that one. Looks really good, I’ve been really wanting to see it.” He leans against his van, putting on the dramatics and fake disappointment that you see right through, unable to stop the big smile from creeping onto your face as you watch his little show. 

“Oh is that so?” you tease, popping out your hip as you cross your arms, amusement written across your face.

“Come on. What, you think I’m gonna dampen your girl party?” 

You roll your eyes.

“Under any other circumstances, I’d insist you join along. But Max… she’s already been isolating herself enough as it is, anyone else being there would just close her walls right back up, you know? And I’m trying to bring those walls down so…” 

“Yeah, I get it. I’m only teasing. I hope you guys have a good time. Tell me if the movie's any good, yeah?” He offers you a soft smile, a smile you return that quickly turns into a smirk as you watch the younger boys approaching.

“Uh huh, you too” you respond, gesturing with your eyebrows as you unlock the door to your truck.

Eddie’s eyes follow yours behind him, shoulder’s quickly slumping at the sight and question he already knows is coming.

“Hey uh, you mind giving us a ride home?” you overhear Dustin ask as you start your engine, quickly leaving Eddie to fulfill the drop offs you’ve done countless times since the beginning of the semester.

You turn the knob on your radio through the channels of static till the sound of the opening credits come through your speakers. With a bag of popcorn and slushies set between you, you and Max settle against your clothed truck seats, focusing on the huge screen set out 100 feet away in the big field now filled to the brim with cars full of other teenagers seeking a scary late night flick. 

You let yourselves get pulled into the film, mindlessly funneling popcorn into your mouths between sips of cherry Icees. You find yourself wondering how to spark a deeper conversation with Max. As much as you don’t want to force her to open up, with each week that passes you’ve only grown more worried and concerned for her.

You’ve spent some brief time together since you moved back, giving her a ride here and there given her mom is always working, but this is the first extended time you’ve been able to spend together. As you’re lost in thought, the sound of her throat clearing from the seat next to you grabs your attention.

“Hey, I-uh, just want to say thanks. For bringing me. This is the first time I’ve gone out and done anything in a while, so…” She mutters almost shyly, hesitantly. You offer her a genuine smile that relaxes the tension in her body.

“Anytime, I’m glad you could join me. I’ve missed this, you know, our girl time.” You offer, pulling a smirk and eye roll from her. As your eyes move back to the movie, hers drift to examine your Hellfire shirt.

“Since when are you in Hellfire?” she asks curiously.

“Oh, well since last Friday. Once me and Eddie made up I decided to join.” You answer, shrugging nonchalantly as you look down and admire your new Hellfire shirt Eddie rushed to get made for you.

“Made up?” She prods with an eyebrow cocked.

“It’s a long story.” You answer dismissively as you shake your head, assuming she wouldn’t be interested.

“Oh, so you got to hear all the gossip about my relationship back in the summer but I don’t get to hear about yours?”

Your eyes widen as you look at her with a smirk, caught off-guard by the witty remark you always knew her for but haven’t seen much of in the last few weeks. 

“Eddie and I aren’t in a relationship. We’re just friends, Max.”

“Uh huh.”

“I’m serious!”

“Well, I still wanna know the juicy details of the ‘making up’ you two did.” She insists, crossing her arms across her chest as she settles further into the passenger seat of your truck. 

You scoff out a mix between a laugh and a groan before letting your eyes survey her again.

“There’s no ‘juicy’ details, not that I’d tell you if there was anyway.” You emphasize before continuing, “We just have always been best friends, ever since I first moved to Hawkins. We got close pretty quickly. But then I moved back to Virginia and…”

“And?”

“I um, I stopped talking to him. Stopped returning his calls.” You answer with a sigh, meeting her blue eyes as they begin to reflect a knowing feeling.

“Why?”

“It was just too painful to deal with, to hear his voice, to be reminded of the loss that came with the move. It’s like, being so overcome with that pain that you just avoid everyone, let alone that person that it’s attached to. Sometimes it just feels easier to be alone in your pain.” You end with a shrug despite knowing how true some of that may ring for her too.

She pulls her eyes from you to the sweating cup of slushie in her hands as she nods briefly.

“Yeah, I get that.” Is all she offers in the moment. You let a few seconds pass by before you continue.

“I mean I ended up regretting it but, it was just too easy to get stuck in the pain and then the anxiety, you know. I never spoke to him again till I just moved back. We had some brief hurdles to overcome but, we talked things out and we’ve been able to start our friendship again.”

She nods again, briefly lifting her eyes to meet yours again with a forced smile before turning her gaze to the movie.

“I’m glad you guys worked things out.”

“Yeah, me too.” you mutter softly as you turn your own gaze back to the movie.

Part of you is hoping this is a small step in the right direction. Hoping that Max takes the fact that you can somewhat understand how she’s feeling, what she’s going through as a sign you’re a safe space for her. Someone she can open up to and who will actually understand. 

Opening up about your own experience with Eddie, and your struggle with depression and isolation is your first step, initiating the bigger conversation with Max in a way. So you leave it at that, leaving it to her to decide what she wants to do with it as you attempt to get yourself back into the film you can tell you’ve already lost key information in due to your conversation.

The drive back to Forest Hills is silent besides the sound of the breeze blowing through the cracked windows and your joined hums along to the Kate Bush Hounds of Love cassette playing through the speakers. You pull into your driveway close to 11pm, turning to Max with an almost shy smile as you shift into park. 

“Did you have a good time?” You ask with a hint of nervousness as you search her face and body language. She leans forward in the seat, nodding her head gently.

“Yeah, thanks again.” She reassures you. You remove your keys from the ignition, but stop yourself from opening your door and getting out when you notice her hand hesitating on the door handle.

“Hey, what’s up?” you ask, voice soft. Her body leans back slightly, but her eyes still refuse to lift from the floor of your truck to your eyes.

“What you told me earlier about you and Eddie. I just- I know how you felt.”

“I know, sweetie.” You reply with a sigh, leaning back into your own seat. When her eyes look up to meet yours, you elaborate. “That’s why I told you. So you’d know I understand. I won’t lie and say I completely know everything you’re probably going through, but I do know some of it and... I just hope you know I’m always here, no judgment.”

She takes your words in and lets them settle, staring down at her fidgeting hands as she musters together the courage to let you in, like she had so easily before all summer. But this is different.

“I just… I feel so guilty. I can’t escape that night, that image of Billy, even in my dreams. He-He sacrificed himself for me and I just…watched.” You listen to her intently, giving her the space to say all she wants before you speak up.

“I understand why you feel that way. I still get flashbacks and nightmares of that night sometimes too.”

“You do?” 

“Of course. Living through something like that, it’s gonna stick with us. And that guilt part? That’s normal too, there's even a name for it. Survivor’s guilt. You blame yourself for what happened, maybe you even wish it happened to you instead. But you are not to blame, Max. None of that was your fault.”

“Still, I just stood there and watched, I was frozen. Maybe I could have done something, maybe I could have helped.” She stutters out, pain and frustration sketched across her face. Your heart breaks at the sight, at seeing her carry all the responsibility for what happened on her shoulders, weighing her down for months.

“I hear you. I know it’s frustrating, eating you up. You’re mad at yourself, wishing you could change what happened. Have you ever heard of fight or flight?” When she nods, you keep going. “Well, that’s not all there is to it. Freezing is also a very normal reaction to something traumatic. You didn’t have a choice, your nervous system decided for you.”

She looks at you, wiping a tear as it falls from her eyes.

“Really? You're not just making that up to make me feel better, right?”

You shake your head in reassurance, both taking a deep breath against heavy chests with the weight of the pain.

“I was there with you too, Max. It all happened so fast, even if we hadn’t frozen… there’s nothing we could have done.” 

Flashbacks hit you as you speak, seeing Billy get trapped under falling pillars and rubble from the mall fire, and his instant death from the crushing weight. Rubble that would’ve fallen on Max. 

She reluctantly shakes her head in agreement as you finish, the same memories flashing through her mind, knowing you’re right. Beginning to let herself believe it. Letting you chip away at the weight she’s been carrying, letting herself feel the small relief that comes with it.

“I know you’re right. It’s been hard to try to convince myself of it but… hearing it from you too. It helps. That’s not all of it though… I think about how much I hated him, all the thoughts I had about him. I’d lay in bed at night and wish something bad would happen to him.” She whispers, shame bleeding through her words.

“Max” you breathe out in empathy at her confession, reaching out to grab and squeeze her hand, pulling her attention back to you. “Wanting someone who did nothing but torment you out of your life does not make you a bad person, and it doesn’t make you responsible for what happened to him, either. Billy was not a good person, but everyday I am so grateful he had enough good left in him to save you. Because you are good and you deserve to forgive yourself, hun.”

You pour your heart into every word, staring intently into her blue eyes as tears now freely stream from them and fill your own waterline. You see her breath stuttering in her chest before she throws her arms around you, both quickly closing the space between as you embrace each other.

“You are so loved, Max Mayfield. Don’t you ever forget that.” You mutter out the words you know she needs to hear. You know the dark place the guilt, shame, and trauma have taken her too well. You hold her for a minute until you feel her arms begin to slip from you. As she comes back into your vision, an idea hits you.

“I know something else that might help. Why don’t you write him a letter?” She looks at you in slight confusion, so you push further. “I’m serious! Write him a letter with everything you want to say to him, what you’ve been holding in. Go to his grave and read it out loud like you're actually saying it to him, let it all out. And then, burn it, bury it, I don’t care. As long as you get rid of it in some way. Say what you want to say to him, and then let it go.”

She considers your words for a moment before she nods.

“Yeah, that actually doesn’t sound like a bad idea.”

“I’ll even take you, I’ll stay in the truck the whole time too. You just let me know, okay?” You offer, voice soaked in sincerity.

She’s quiet sitting there, lost in thought as she fidgets with her zipper. After a moment, you hear her voice quietly croak out.

“I wish you were my sister.”

It’s a whisper, a nervous confession you could’ve easily missed had all of your attention not already been on her. You greet her with a smile as she chances a look from her hands to your face, wiping the fallen tears on her cheeks with her jacket sleeves.

“We may not be blood, but I’ll be your older sister for as long as you’ll have me.”

When she returns your small smile, you raise your hand in front of you, pinky finger extended. A short giggle at the lighthearted childishness of it escapes her mouth before she wraps her pinky around yours. 

Soft smiles, dried tear stains, and a promise to always be there for her.

Thursday, October 31st, 1985

Halloween Night

You examine yourself in your vanity mirror, fluffing your hair you spent nearly an hour on to make sure it’s perfect. Purple eyeshadow matching your purple dress, sharp winged eyeliner. You smile at yourself, hands following the way your dress accentuates your wide hips before flowing out around your thick thighs. Looking down at your high heels, you wish you’d picked a different character to dress up as, already foreseeing the pain your feet would be in at the end of the night.

With a sigh, one final look over in the mirror, and the clock nearing the time of the scheduled meet-up with your friends, you turn off your lights and close your bedroom door.

“Don’t you look cute!” your mother exclaims as you enter the living room, hands covering her cheeks as she gushes over you. You bashfully roll your eyes but share a big smile with her.

“You like it? It looks good?” You ask with your arms spread out, giving a little twirl.

“You look beautiful, honey. I wish you’d dress like this more often!” You stop yourself from giving a less than bashful eye roll this time, but can’t deny that you feel and look good in this dress. 

“Don’t stay out too late, it’s still a school night!” She gives you a kiss on the cheek as you part, you give her the reassurance you’ll be back before 11 as you head out the front door. 

The sound of your heels clapping against the cement fills the silence of the neighborhood as you begin crossing the road toward Eddie’s trailer. Your head shoots up when you hear a low whistle, eyes landing on Eddie as he sits on his porch steps with a smug grin on his face.

“My, my, my. Look at you.” he mutters, observing you as you approach. The darkness of the night casting a shadow over him to hide the way his eyes rake over your exposed thighs, dress swishing against them with each step. He hasn’t seen you in a dress since you were kids and your mom had more control over your outfit choices. Seeing you now, he thinks it’s one thing he might take your mom’s side on, you need to add more dresses to your wardrobe.

“Yeah, yeah. Take a picture, it’ll last longer.”

“You know what, I think that’s a fantastic idea. Bring a camera?”

“Shut up.” You giggle, slapping him on the shoulder as you stand beside him.

“What?! You look nice. I can’t tell my best friend she looks nice?”

“Whatever you say, Munson. Besides, you know your pants are supposed to be khaki right? Or atleast brown!” You tease as you pull at a loose string around the knee of his ripped black jeans.

“Hey, at least I got the shirt right.” He retorts as he points at his green shirt, literally the only item of clothing he's sporting to mimic his character. 

Both your heads turn at the sound of feet approaching. You smile at the sight of your red-headed younger friend. Ever since that night at the drive-in, that Sunday when you gave her a ride to Billy’s grave, she’s slowly started coming back around the party again, beginning to let everyone back in and you couldn’t be happier. You wrap your arms around her for a quick hug as she joins you and Eddie.

“I’m so happy you came!” you beam, pulling a laugh from her as you move your bodies side to side in the embrace.

“You look good.” She remarks with a quirked eyebrow as you part.

“Thanks, Red.” 

Eddie stands up from the porch steps during your greeting.

“Nice to officially meet you, Mad Max. Who are you supposed to be anyway?” He asks, both of you examining her outfit.

“Dr. Sarah Bowman from Day of the Dead. Already had everything I needed for it in my closet.” She answers with a shrug, gaining a nod of approval from both of you.

“Well, we ready to get this party started?” He asks, dangling the keys to his van from his fingers. 

With that, the three of you load into Eddie’s van and head to pick up the boys before going to the final meeting place of Steve’s house. Steve ensuring all of you his neighborhood is the best trick or treating spot in town. Full of well-off families who give out full-sized candy bars.

When you pull up to the end of Mike’s driveway to pick up the three boys, your eyes widen and mouth drops open in disbelief at the sight of Dustin. While Mike dressed up as the Hulk, Lucas as Indiana Jones, you can't believe your eyes when you see Dustin clad with dog ears, a tail, and collar.

“No fucking way.” you laugh out in disbelief.

“What? You can’t have the gang without Scooby!”

You and Eddie try to bite back your chuckles, shaking your heads at the sight.

“Oh, I can’t wait till Steve sees this.”

“Just get in the van.” Eddie finally gets out between bits of laughter, cheeks turning red.

“See? We’ve even got the Mystery Machine van too, only thing missing was me.”

When Eddie and you share a glance, it only sends you into another bout of laughter as he shifts into drive, rolling out of the neighborhood toward Steve’s.

When Steve’s door opens to reveal him in full Fred get-up, with Robin next to him as Velma you smile brightly, the costumes suiting them both so well.

“Oh you’ve got to be shitting me” Steve exhales at the sight of Dustin who only greets him with his ‘pearly whites’.

“I had nothing to do with this” you claim defensively, hands up as you approach Steve and Robin, the latter’s face adorned with a shit-eating grin. When Steve sees it, the hands go on the hips.

“Rob- Seriously?”

“What? What are we just gonna have Shaggy, Daphne, Fred, Velma and no Scooby?”

“That’s what I said!” Dustin interjects in agreement.

“I can’t believe this” he mutters.

“I have to admit, you showed some great ingenuity with the costume, though.” Eddie adds amid Steve’s groans. When his eyebrows shoot up in response, looking at Eddie in disbelief, he retorts. “What? The kid’s creative, what can I say?”

“Thank you” Dustin finishes with a smug smile.

“We all look great, okay? Now, we gonna take these rich folks for all they’ve got or what?” You press, pushing everyone to begin the trek down the streets of Steve’s neighborhood, younger kids taking the lead.

Only a few houses in, the streets are littered with kids and teens in costumes. You talk amongst yourselves, commenting on your favorites and the craftiness of a few of the ones you see.

You’re filled with warmth watching the younger teens walking ahead, watching Max let herself come back out of her shell. You don’t miss the shy glances shared between her and Lucas either, smiling at the sight. While Eddie and Robin are deep in conversation about band, Steve falls in step next to you, sharing your gaze ahead.

“That’s cute” he remarks watching the two. “How did you manage that?”

“I don’t know, just told her what she needed to hear I guess.”

He peeks a glance toward Robin and Eddie before leaning closer to you.

“So, when are you and Eddie finally gonna get your head out of your asses and get together?”

You stagger in your step, taken aback as you look at him like he just spawned a second head.

“What?” Is all you can scoff out.

“Oh come on.” he remarks, hands in his pockets as he saunters down the sidewalk before he leans closer once again, “You’re not as subtle as you think you are.”

You roll your eyes at him, but the warmth filling your cheeks and smile tugging at your lips gives you away.

“Is it that obvious?” you whisper worriedly.

You two stop at the end of a walkway to a house as the rest of the group goes to the front door.

“Well to me and Robin, yeah. But obviously not to him.” 

You watch as they begin their walk back towards you, admiring the smile on Eddie’s face while amongst conversation with the kids. 

“He doesn’t see me like that. I’m just his best friend.” You decide with a sigh, slightly shaking your head before looking back up to Steve who’s observing you with a sympathetic smile.

“Are you kidding? He’d be crazy not to, you’re a total catch.” he says, playfully bumping your hip with his. 

“Thanks, Stevie.”

Eddie’s smile falters slightly as they approach, catching sight of you and Steve standing there staring and smiling at each other. Being dressed as Fred and Daphne, a couple, doesn’t help either. He doesn’t believe you’d have any reason to lie to him that you don’t like Steve as more than a friend, but as he eyes the way Steve smiles at you, the ping of jealousy in his chest tells him he’s not too sure Steve’s on the same page. Maybe it’s the way he looks at you, maybe it’s the way Steve’s playful with you like he is, and Eddie knows the deeper feelings that underlie his own teasing nature with you.

When your breath-taking smile turns to him, those thoughts falter slightly and he can’t help but flash his dimples right back at you.

“You know you’re sharing some of that loot with me, right?” You ask him, bumping his shoulder as he falls in step next to you as you continue your walk through the neighborhood.

“Psh, I’ve worked hard for this. Should’ve brought your own pillowcase and ring some doorbells if you wanted some candy.” He smirks at you, dark eyes glimmering in the night.

“Uh huh, you’re all talk, Munson. We both know by the end of the night half that bag is coming home with me.”

“Hmph, well I suggest you start putting in the work if you want some of this sugar.” 

The thoughts that immediately run through your head from his teasing remark make your cheeks flush and send a jolt right to your core. You squeeze your thighs together as you walk, attempting to push the sensation away. Thoughts and feelings like this about Eddie are reserved for late nights in your room. As much as you tell yourself it’s wrong, it’s getting harder and harder to resist. The way he teases you doesn’t help either.

The slowly intensifying, pounding pain and soreness from your feet in the cramped purple high heels is a welcomed distracting sensation. You groan softly to yourself as you look around and realize you’re only halfway through Steve’s neighborhood. A glance toward Robin’s red sneakers solidifies your decision that you should’ve followed her steps, switching out the character’s heels for much comfier shoes. 

You look around your group of friends and decide to say fuck it and suck it up. It’s your favorite holiday and you’re with your favorite people, you’re gonna enjoy it despite the pain in your feet and unwelcomed bodily sensations Eddie’s words and looks are striking into you.

As you continue through Steve’s neighborhood, joining in the trick or treating activities despite the few sideways glances from homeowners you earn as teenagers asking for candy, you’re reminded of all the things that make Halloween your favorite.

The cool autumn air.

The changing colors of the leaves that have begun to adorn the streets and sidewalks.

The costumes; from scary to funny, store bought to homemade.

The decorations; glowing orange pumpkins with an array of designs carved into them, orange and purple lights hung along the porches, scarecrows and ghosts littered amongst the lawns.

The slasher films waiting to be watched at home while eating the mountain of candy earned from knocking on your neighbors doors.

The way Dustin takes every chance he can get to say “Ruh roh Raggy”, and the way you and Eddie can’t stop yourselves from giggling every single time. 

You breathe it all in, grounding yourself in this shared moment with your friends you’ll never forget, a permanent smile settling in on your face for the night.

A smile that not even Jason and his idiot friends can stop from creasing your round cheeks. You’re so consumed living in the moment that you don’t even notice them until you hear a loud

“Hey!” Both you and Eddie’s heads turn and spot them across the street, but refuse to let your strides falter.

“Look guys, it’s the Freaks Inc. gang!” he booms, buddies bending over in laughter as they watch your group.

“Pfft, what a tool.” Steve remarks with a scoff, shaking his head as he fixes his gaze away from them and forward, unbothered. Grateful to no longer be grouped with people like him.

When you feel yourself begin to bump into the younger boys whose steps have staggered and attention drawn to the insult, you gently nudge them forward. Muttering a “Keep going, I’ve got this.”

You should just ignore them, not even give them the slither of attention or acknowledgement they’re so desperate for, but you just can’t help yourself. Not when an opportunity arises to burst their egotistical bubble. 

Ever since you and Eddie’s altercation with Jason a month ago, him and his friends have generally left the club alone, not directly confronting any of you. Traded insults with his friends when any of you would walk by, sure, but to be fair the threat you gave him only pertained to if he ever put his hands on any of you again. Anything else is fair game, and it’s a game you have no problem playing. 

You quickly eye him and his costume. He-Man. It’s a nice costume too, nearly identical to the show. Easy when you have Daddy’s money to pay for it. 

“Nice He-Man costume, Jason. Looks like you’re having a bit of trouble filling it out though, huh? Tsk, what a shame.” you say sarcastically, feigning a pouty face with a shrug before your smile returns, rolling your eyes at them as you draw your attention back to your friends. Continuing your walk down the street unphased.

You see Eddie staring at you from the corner of your eye. When you look at him, he’s looking down at you in a mix of endearment, pride, and amazement.

“What? He deserves to get knocked down a peg. Should keep his mouth shut next time.”

“Agreed.” Steve declares from the other side of Eddie.

Eddie doesn’t say anything, just wraps an arm around you and pulls you in for a tight side hug as you walk down the street. You let him, resisting the urge to bury your face and body into his side, his warmth, when his grip lightens and falls from your arm.

After another half hour of knocking on doors, you’re nearly done sweeping through Steve’s neighborhood, his house and Eddie’s van coming back into sight as you approach the last couple of houses. If it wasn’t for already going to every house in the neighborhood, the boys' complaints about how heavy their bags have gotten with candy is signaling the end of the night.

You stand with Eddie at the end of the walkways to the last few houses as the rest get the last of the candy for the night. He catches your eye when he reaches into his pocket, pulling out a rolled joint and a lighter. Just before he lights it, your laugh grabs his attention.

“Really, Eddie? In the middle of this uppity neighborhood?”

“What? I’m only being in character.” He laughs out, only to have you meet him with raised brows and a smirk. “Shaggy and Scooby are stoners and that’s a fact. Constantly having the munchies? I mean, HELLO!”

“You’re so dumb” you jest playfully as you resume your slow stride on the sidewalk.

“Well, you know what they say. Birds of a feather flock together.” He breathes out, keeping in step next to you.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me.”

“Oh really? How’s about I push your ass down this hill right here?” you tease, gesturing toward the down sloped hill between the houses as you pass.

“Pfft, I’d like to see you try.” he scoffs, playing unphased despite the wide grin on his face.

“Your skinny ass will go flying, right down into that drop off in the woods. Lost forever. Such a tragedy. Some say he's still tumbling to this day.” you sigh dramatically, earning a short but loud laugh from him.

“Uh huh. Well I’m pretty quick on my feet if I do say so myself, and I don’t think you’ll be getting too far in those heels.” he retorts, pointing down to the heels that have made your feet numb at this point.

“Well you see, there’s this concept called taking them off?” You tease, bumping your body against his. “I could outrun you.”

The rest of your friends at the last house on the route are forgotten behind you as you near Steve’s.

“That so?”

“Mhmm.” you state simply, arms crossed against your chest and head held high.

“Say, you still ticklish around… here”

You squeal at the quick flicker of his fingers at the side of your waist, jumping away from him. You take wary steps backward as you move in front of him, hands slightly held out.

“You can outrun me, huh? Wanna test that?” he pushes, creeping closer to you with a mischievous smirk and sparkle in his eye. You’ve known him long enough to know he’s about to make you eat your words.

A quick flinch towards you sends you scurrying. With no chance to take off your heels, your strides are stifled as you run the short distance to Steve’s driveway as quickly as you can. Eddie follows closely behind, tickling your sensitive sides every chance he can get, giggling maniacally when it falters your steps as you flinch away. 

Everyone else on the street probably thinks you’re crazy, freaks. You aren’t paying them any attention anyway as the smile on your face begins hurting your cheeks, eyes zeroing in on Eddie’s van a few short paces away.

You throw yourself against it, but Eddie’s relentless. Going for both your sides at the same time as you turn around to face him, sending you into a fit of giggles as you feebly attempt to push him away.

You see your opportunity and quickly jab your fingers into his armpits, sending him back with a flinch and a chuckle. He gives up, leaning back against the van next to you as you both laugh between attempts to catch your breath.

You playfully smack his arm, earning a fake “Ouch” and one of the biggest smiles you’ve ever seen adorn his beautiful face.

“You asshole, Eddie-Bo-Beddie” you tease, emphasizing the pronunciation of your favorite personal nickname for him that he’s always claimed to hate. In truth, he loves it.

“Alright, alright. How’s about I share half my loot to make it up to you, what do you say?” he teases back with the plan you both knew was already going to happen anyway.

“Oh my god” you groan and roll your eyes, only making him to laugh more as you push yourself off the van with the rest of your friends quickly approaching.

“Ugh, they make me sick. I wish they’d just kiss already and get it over with.” Robin mumbles to Steve, pulling a laugh from him as he nods in agreement, watching the show you two have put on.

“Tell me about it.”

With both yours and the younger members of the party’s curfews approaching, you say your goodbyes to Robin and Steve. Embracing them both with tight hugs before piling into Eddie’s van.

Riding down the empty streets of Hawkins with the van windows cracked, the cool air a welcomed sensation against your warm cheeks. The smile never fading from your lips as the sounds of Metallica playing low through the van speakers and the chatter from the kids in the back fill your ears. Your head leaning back against the passenger seat headrest rolls to spare a glance to Eddie. His eyes meet yours, mimicking your smile and sending a shock wave right to your heart.

You make me feel like I am young again.

You sigh in content as you face the winding roads again, deciding this year just might be your favorite Halloween yet.

[gray-ace-space]

so i'm pretty sure i'm demi.

not like, a 100%, but right now it fits, so that's what i've been calling myself.

every person or character i've been consistently sexually attracted to, the attraction appeared after i spent a lot of time thinking about them and getting to know their personality, their soul i felt like. even when completely parasocial - often parasocial, which is kinda sad, but anyway.

it's funny, because demisexuality is actually something i ruled out pretty early in my label journey.

i realized at some point i didn't experience sexual attraction nearly as much as allos, so i began to identify as gray. and i did know it was more common for me to feel it for people i cared about deeply, but i also thought, you know, that's just one of the factors, it's not really like a major pattern.

but over time, while i was running this blog, i kinda uh. figured out that 90% of the times i thought i was sexually attracted to someone were either

💜 aesthetic attraction - they are pretty and cool and i like looking at them, that's the same thing as wanting to see them in a sexual light right? (it was not the same thing)

💖 romantic attraction - i may be in love, i want to be emotionally close to them and exchange affection; i might have sex with them if they asked, provided we've built enough trust (also not the same thing)*

🧡 sensual attraction - i would like to touch them, so it logically follows i want to touch them sexually (nope)

or involuntary physical arousal caused by a sexual context (nothing to do with attraction at all and doesn't even imply actual enjoyment)

(*keep in mind that i am alloromantic. i catch feelings pretty easily.)

here's an interesting thing:

it's not just that romantic feelings for me don't immediately come with sexual attraction. in the majority of cases, the sexual attraction never develops at all, even if i build a connection with the person, even if i am fully in love. i have crushes that gain a sexual element, but most of my crushes are asexual. is this a graydemi thing? potentially! i would like to hear if this is the case for other demis and also non-demi grays.

basically, the longer i think about my sexuality, the more i realize i actually feel sexual attraction much less than previously thought.

the once in a blue moon occurence of me experiencing true sexual attraction always fucks me up though, because it's so intense. and i don't know if it only feels intense because i'm not super used to it, or because there's always an emotional investment there, but it's given me impostor syndrome.

and, you know, sometimes i have to remind myself that, oh, most allosexuals probably don't exclusively feel this way about like, 4 specific people in the first 23 years of their life. (sidenote, if you're allo, how do y'all function? do you get used to it eventually or are you just permanently made a little dumber by the horniness?)

i guess besides my consistent demi feelings i still have these random weak flashes of attraction to other people? which is why i still go with gray mainly. and aceflux is significant for me still, because it does seem to come and go in waves. but i just don't know, because these feelings don't come up often enough for me to fully figure out the patterns. if there even are patterns!

i'm still figuring this shit out! and i would not be able to get as far as i have if i hadn't started running this blog. it's taught me just as much as (i hope) it has taught you.

let this also be a reminder to you that people are bigger than labels. the words are there for us to understand ourselves and communicate better, but words are just words at the end of the day. "close enough" is good enough.

[honeyhotteoks]

i'm just...... going to rant under the cut for a minute because people have been on my last nerve today BUT for all of you lovely readers of TNT who are kind and wonderful, i want you to know i wrote basically all day today and i'm making progress on more!!

anyways ranting under the cut...

tw - discussion about homophobia/rude comments etc.

so i received a pretty aggressive anon message earlier about the sanhwa scene in TNT... and i already deleted it because honestly i found it fairly offensive, but to that anon if you're reading this.... not cool. i understand that not all people are into m/m fic... but telling me it was ruining the fic and that i should have been clearer about tagging and warnings? it's genuinely been bothering me all day and kind of offending me. i write m/m pairings as part of my work all the time - you can see it in aurora, and definitely in my husbands series (fucking obviously).... and it's going to keep happening.

while i would never assume the real members sexualities (it's obviously none of our business), these are fictional characters and representations. they can be whatever i want them to be IN FICTION. if that offends you or troubles you or isn't sending the plot in the way you want, go find something else to read.

i also should not have to mark an m/m relationship in a fic with the same severity as a trigger warning. it isn't triggering, it's a relationship pairing. if you prefer other pairings, go elsewhere, but don't expect me to bend over backwards in my work on my blog to make queerness palatable for you.

this combined with some frankly rude messages on ao3 are just doing me in today. i understand that not everyone wanted to go down the woosanhwa road, but i wrote this fic for me and that's what i wanted. their relationship is meant as an intentional foil for yungi, the heats are supposed to be starkly different to help the MC understand herself and her feelings. y/n isn't perfect nor are any of the other characters and that's the fun of it. if you just want smut, find one-shots to read.

i just want to remind people that if you're writing comments on ao3, putting comments in your tumblr reblogs, etc., the author is going to read them!! be kind. if you don't like something, stop reading. your constructive criticism / helpful suggestions aren't necessary, they're rude. i'm not a published author, i'm a random on the internet posting fic for free, i don't want or need your negativity or your supposed help. you need to get a hobby or try writing something yourself.

anyways that's it. i'm kind of shocked at how negative a few of y'all have been given how overwhelmingly kind and positive everyone else has been. but i'm beyond shocked at the thinly veiled homophobia in my ask box earlier. what you said you said to a queer person and it hurt, and very quietly i'd like to ask you to do better and to not message me like that ever again.

i'm going to go back to writing now. and if there's a wild gay makeout session later in this fic, it's fucking dedicated to you.

[faggotfungus]

Oh awesome! I actually live in the Atlanta area lol, but I've never heard of Leather and Lace! I'll have to look into their events. I usually do my bootblacking at the Eagle (preferably when the club isn't ass blasting the worst music imaginable).

I'm glad you're able to find a little bit of a community in your drag scene and online. The Internet has opened maybe opportunities our contemporaries did not have. I didn't actually expect to find so much Leather and kink on Tumblr, thought it got wiped out with the great porn ban. Happy to see you doing the Lord's work out here.

I really like all the photos you post, especially of transgender Leather people. It lets me see myself in them in a way I don't see a lot of myself in the traditional Leather men. It also reminds me that we've been here the entire time. If you have any leather blogs you'd recommend so I can track down and collect more sick ass vintage photos please feel free to tag them!

That's all for now, sorry to constantly come on anon but my side account won't let me send asks :/ - Bootblack Anon 👢

Oh cool!! Chattanooga is pretty close to me, so that's where I tend to go for things. I've never heard of the Eagle, I'll definitely look into it, and if you're ever up my way, you should stop by Alan Gold's! We'd love to have ya :)

I'm really grateful for the people I've gotten to know and the opportunities given to me thanks to my local queens. Two of my friends perform locally and in Nashville, so they've introduced me to a lot of really cool people.

The porn ban Did do a number to the online community, definitely. Though we still persist. As for blogs I recommend: @godflesh @lagartijasick @spitfaggot @honeyedfag some aren't strictly leather but all post kink and are people I reblog from regularly!

Don't worry about sending lots of asks, I enjoy talkin to y'all. My inbox and dms are always open :)

[inconsideratekidney]

11/8/24

hey y'all

what the fuck. um. yeah, what the fuck.

what are y'all's plans for the next 4 years?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i truly hate when professors ask basic questions like we're in elementary school. why are you babying me before you treat me like a well-respected researcher?? we're asked a dumb easy question, dumber than what we should already know, then we're asked to do something way out of our experience and what we should be expected to know.

this happens to me in multiple classes and i'm still so shocked

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

today is friday i know, but i have been catching up on a lot of work things n such. i have also finally had time to sit down and play the sims, on my laptop and tablet, and i feel more calm now. my grades have finally improved (not that i've bumped up some of those failing grades bc my prof hates everyone and doesn't allow resubmissions), but we still have like 4 weeks, so i just have to keep it up now. i'm feeling better, and would like to continue to do better.

picking classes for next semester feels like a doozy, i'm dropping one of my majors to make it a minor and that means i'll graduate next next spring? ew. gross. i have to fix that or something.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i created some of my friends in the sims and myself, all in my eyes of course. i didn't want to do it based on pictures, i just did it from memory. i made everyone based on how i see them and myself as how i want to see myself...they came out pretty good, i want to keep going making more, but so far i made people i know the best. we'll see where i end up. i might just end up making a house full of interpreters....lol

i have so many ideas for what to build--i focus more on building, but creating sims is fun as well, just not my most favorite--i want to build so many complex things, but it's so hard to start and my computer can barely handle it.

i'd love some ideas for what to build, for example, right now i am planning on making a house that technically has one room, but has split levels. i've seen youtube shorts on them and i've pasted the video below if you're interested, but they are so interesting even if every video i see they always forget a bathroom. i love doing challenges as well, like the plumbella challenge, and there's another one similar. they generate random style, color, theme, etc. and give you rules and a specific amount of money you can use. you also always get one setback, like you can't use cheats, or you can only use certain items from one pack or just base game, or that you have to do it only from birds' eye view... they are all so fun. i also want to finish making my mansion i am currently working on. it's so big and it's so hard to fill every space...

i also wanted to build a beach house, one of the videos i've also linked below, based on a reference i saw. it reminds me of where my family goes on vacation--those big beach houses we never stayed in cuz they're so god awfully expensive. they are so cool to look up on zillow or other rental websites. like big dream homes. i'd love to build a beach home eventually.

videos:

micro apartment 1:

https://youtube.com/shorts/RlauAXoxtls?si=DKH1FTDpkCid3Gv5

micro apartment 2:

https://youtube.com/shorts/kbdseYjig4s?si=Z-mbMA1OrnbwFdo7

coastal house:

https://youtube.com/shorts/VKC0h-6sSeI?si=LpiDh13v2yj1jbC5

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i type "i" way too much. all i do is talk about myself and reflect on myself and how much i talk. obviously, this is my blog, but i always feel that i overshare and should shift my attention to more pressing matters. alas, i am in my existential identity stage of life--early adulthood, so i don't feel all too bad. and for the possible 3 or 4 of you reading, i'm sure you're used to this and you're still choosing to come back, so i can ease my anxiety on that one. i still talk about myself in general way too much. i harp on this because i know other people are experiencing life for the first time as well--i'd love to let others have thr spotlight whenever possible. although, i do take way longer to process my life happenings than most it seems, so i prefer to process in my own way. i enjoy having a platform to share my insanities on. i do still get sick of myself, though.

anyway, my point is anxiety ruins my life and it affects me everyday whether it is desired or not. (see what i did there i eliminated every possible "i" i could have used in that sentence and then i used many "i"'s in this sentence cuz i like being self-aware and illuminating my hyper fixations like the freak i am.)

it is also apparent that reading can be much more enjoyable when the author isn't constantly saying "i did this" or "i did that." sentences and ideas can be easily digested by using the third person, or even an unidentifiable "it." when something happens and you mess up and want to apologize, what do you say?:

"I'm sorry I upset you."

or "I'm sorry you are upset."

one is more self-aware and puts the blame on oneself, but isn't the other as well? regardless of what one person does, the other could be upset by that specifically or not. you could alternatively say:

"I'm sorry what I said/did upset you."

or even "I'm sorry you are upset because of my actions."

which sounds better? which is most "correct"? which one feels more authentic?

i experienced this first when my mother told me i had to say "I'm sorry I upset you." it pissed me off because i didn't do anything crazy (in my eyes) and she still got upset, but in those situations, you have to do what your mother says even if her asking you to reword and acknowledge you upset her upsets you in the process...

see what i did there again? i used "you," i love writing. oftentimes i still use "i" because it is the most accurate statement. why else would i do it? i could sit and write more and more about things that happen and affect me, but not using "i" defeats the purpose. you could think i am talking about something else totally different. it's more short and concise. why say many word when few word do trick, amirite? and with that this section is concluded with the idea that my emphasis on myself is the whole reason i sit down and write a blog. (ew, not me starting with "and" writing about something trying to be more formal. ew.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

lol. lol is the best word for my life. it's the easiest thing to use. so simple, when there aren't emoji options -> lol, when the setting is uncomfortable -> lol, when i don't know how to end a sentence without a period -> lol, when i want to appear less rude or direct -> lol, when i don't feel like you can tell i'm making a funny -> lol, when you're making a funny -> lol. it's simple.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

anyshways, how is everyone's day going, how was your week?

this week had some things happen...but first trans woman for the house!! yipee!! i hadn't heard much else so far tbh.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i almost didn't post this blog again, but since i started it and really did a good chunk of it, i have to post it now. i'm still behind on my work and am scared for the weekend tbh. i have to do a revision of my draft paper and send it to my prof who won't change the grade, but will give me feedback before the final paper is due....yipee...so generous of her.... i stg everyone almost failed or actually failed the midterm and did poorly on the draft paper as well. she just doesn't give a shit. no extra credit offered, no resubmissions, virtually no support for any of us failing. -_-

i hope to pass this class with a decent enough grade, but mainly just to pass the class is my goal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

it's late, but i want to play the sims again. it's so much fun and i love it. it's truly a game i keep coming back to bc of all the different aspects of it. i hope if i get a new computer it doesn't reset my data... cuz it's different on every computer i'm pretty sure. it's different if it's on steam compared to just my computer, so i'm nervous. i could download all of the sims i made and all houses i've made, but i want the progress of this one family i have.....oofie, we'll see. i'll look it up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

tldr:

wtf

basic questions

picking classes

sims and building

grammar and creative writing

lol

how are you?

annoying prof

sims!!

anywho, goodnight and toodaloohoo,

kD :p

[notice-me-senpai-hell]

I literally had this blog since I was a little kid and now I'm a grown adult. Honestly it hurts to look back at my writings because it shows that I was a chronically online kid with no sense of anything (social cues, social no-no's, and just copying cliches from anime at the time).

BUT cringe culture is dead and I can't blame the little 11 year old that was just having fun and didn't know better at times. Now as I'm much older, I'm falling back in my hobbies and joys I had when I was young but couldn't embrace before of school, peer pressure, and my own sense of shame. But I'm just human and I have grown so much and yet- I still enjoy the same things like before. Granted, I may cringe at the stuff I posted whether wishing I did better or didn't do at all. Like my tag name is still cool in my eyes even if I struggle to say it out loud to a stranger/friend irl without getting red.

I'm losing my point, but I just get shy talking about my interests since I never had the space before. But I'm in a better space than I was a decade ago. I want to respect past me and current me to give myself the space to have fun and bit a little cringe (affectionate).

I don't want to delete anything or private it (even when I think too hard and want to) since I had some people reach out about my writing on other platforms and you never know if you wrote something that someone enjoyed or likes to go back and laugh at (whether in a bad way or in a funny way). I was also part of other blogs that did stuff for many fandoms that I loved (for example, Gravity Falls, etc , and Notice Me Senpai - a game that I loved to this day and I'm so proud of the stuff I did there. I'm not ashamed of the fun I had even if my irl friends at the time were weird about it. If you played that game and read my Match-Ups on that group blog I was part of or anything I had here .. KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU!!! I adore everyone on that blog and in the fandom of that game!!!! that was so cool and I can't believe kid me had so much time to write. I'm so happy that was a big part of my experience here on tumblr before the game got shut down. Yes, I was a little weird kid, but at least that weird kid had a funnel to pour all their ideas that got rejected in science and theater class).

This is just a public statement on my blog that when you scroll past this you will see and witness a gradient of my childhood of a chronically online and acoustic kid that didn't know know what would be fun then would be the thorn in my side aka my internet footprint. It will start with the sparse posts before diving into piles and piles of stuff. Don't look at it if you are new. Just don't. But you could.

But fuck it, let's embrace it since when I'm even older then this - I may cringe at myself now. Hell, I'm an adult on the internet talking about Japanese and Chinese visual novel/RPGs games. But I want to give myself the space to have fun with my hobbies since I'm so drained from being an adult - I just want to be a person that can have fun and not think to hard about irl. I want to pour out all my AU's and headcanons that rattle in my head since that's the point of creativity if you don't spill it out.

This has just been in my mind in a hot minute and I wanted to put it out there not really for anyone to read but more like a public statement for myself to remind me that it's okay to have fun. If you have been following me for some years and now just seeing this- heyYyyyyyy. Thanks for everything and y'all feel free to DM here. I would love to see how my audience changed with the years and talked to people from the NMS fandom (since my blog was more directed to them)

Heads up, I'm going to start posting stuff again like writings and headcanons and I'm excited to feel this weight off my shoulders.

TLDR: I was a chronically online 11 year old with no sense of anything (social cues, social no-no's, and just copying cliches from anime at the time) but that's fine- everyone is cringe when there are in middle school. I won't delete or private anything because I don't want to take away anything that someone enjoyed. I'm grown and I'm giving past me and current me the space to have fun.

I love the NMS fandom and proud of that stuff (even if I don't read it). Reach out to me and know that this blog will get a makeover and be alive one again.

[zeawesomebirdie]

I posted 25,612 times in 2022

332 posts created (1%)

25,280 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@moinsbienquekaworu

@gayshipsandanxiety

@aerie-dwelling

@littlebitfurtheron

@nixie-deangel

I tagged 952 of my posts in 2022

#he has no right to be so pretty - 49 posts

#like - 25 posts

#plagatine - 23 posts

#anon ☂️ - 22 posts

#wow - 19 posts

#obikin - 19 posts

#oh - 17 posts

#kylux - 14 posts

#yknow? - 14 posts

#oh my god - 14 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#the curse of adhd is having so many shows you want to watch and not being able to sit and watch tv for longer than 15 minutes at a time 😔

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Okay SO I'm going to share the haiku now! Having never done this before, im really very proud of myself and looking forward to writing more!

On Fanfiction

fresh lines on paper

new ink splashed across the page

dead dove: do not eat

Cool cool now that that's out of the way - have a great day y'all!!

12 notes - Posted October 7, 2022

#4

Oh, btw folks, im back on my BotW bullshit

12 notes - Posted February 24, 2022

#3

Reminder for those who need it: a bad day or two, a bad week, a bad month, does not negate all the progress you've made. You're still going to do well, you're still going to keep getting better, and you're still worthy of love and affection, even from yourself.

13 notes - Posted October 29, 2022

#2

If I do not look like I stepped out of 2012 then what even is The Point

13 notes - Posted March 31, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

@ whoever needs it - this is your reminder to go take a break, grab a drink of water, and get a snack!

14 notes - Posted September 30, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[anthonycrowleymoved]

okay cool overall opinions of all fob albums since y’all are asking apparently

evening out with your girlfriend (yes i am that kind of fan) - not as bad as everyone says i actually like most of the songs on it and am Sad it’s so hard to find the songs. also this is like Baby fob i lov them

tttyg - it’s like a Classic but this was like, they were objectively better than evening out but also they were Finding themselves. some good songs

cork tree - it took me an embarrassingly long time to enjoy this album. it’s fine yes i know this is widely regarded to be their Best or whatever and i guess it’s good but also. eh. it is. in my opinion. somewhat overrated in that. it is not my favorite

infinity on high - iconic. good. die for it. not perfect but close there are some songs i don’t like on it but yanno. it’s okay

folie - perfect album. i’m not even kidding. this is one of like three albums (or maybe less i need to think about it) in existence that i genuinely love every single goddamn song on. also as like, a cohesive album it’s also excellent, in that it’s kind of a concept album that works. like, do you know how rare it is to have a cohesive concept album that also has exclusively enjoyable songs? i would die for folie

srar - also a perfect album barring one song i don’t like. the album that initially got me into fob because it came out when i was like 16 and i was Full in my emo phase and i was like ‘oh. yes’ points if you can figure out the song i don’t like btw

abap - ehhhhhhhhhhhhhh this album was apparently made up of songs that didn’t make it onto srar and. it shows. there are some good songs (fourth of july, jet pack blues, and kids aren’t alright are all great) but in general it’s. not my favorite. i also think i generally prefer the non-single songs which didn’t help

mania - as i said this album took me a WHILE to figure out but i’m at a place now that i’m like ‘okay. i get it. it’s very Different but. objectively it’s v good’

other things that weren’t on albums - pax am days is okay if you like hardcore stuff but i uh. don’t really. it’s fun tho. my heart will always be the b side of your tongue is quality. when lake effect kid was released i had a minor heart attack because i had heard the demo and i couldn’t believe it was actually made. uhhh what else. my songs know what you did in the dark demo is honestly one of my favorite songs ever. we do not talk about the ghostbusters theme

also soul punk is still absolutely excellent it’s not fall out boy but it is fall out boy adjacent and i’m still mad people were so against it for so long because it’s GREAT and patrick stump deserved like multiple awards for it LITERALLY fight me

[cherrycheridarling]

"that was painfully sexist" | t.h.

marvel cast x actress!reader

warnings: sexism and swearing

summary: at a panel for the new avenger's film, the questions differ drastically between the female and male actors on stage.

wc: 1.4k

"Okay, a microphone is coming your way, sir."

"Hi! I'm Leonard with Pop Times Blog. My question is for Y/N." your eyes found the bearded man who stood amongst the crowd of reporters.

You nodded, signalling for him to continue, "Playing Silk or Cindy Moon must've came with a lot of challenges. One of them being the costume you are in for most of the film. Can you speak about that and how it fit?" he paused at your skeptical expression, "Like, we all know the suit is skin tight, so did you eat anything special or workout a lot and are you able to wear anything underneath it? Or do you wear a thong and no bra?"

You let out an unenthusiastic chuckle at his question. Beside you, you could hear your cast mates scoffing under their breath. It was common for the women of the MCU to get asked such questions and it saddened you that people normalized such a thing.

Leaning forward, you clasped your hands together and smiled before Robert reached behind Tom Holland and tapped your shoulder, "Would you like me to say something?"

You shook your head, but gave him a grateful grin before returning to the 'man' that asked you such a question, while maintaining eye contact you spoke, "Well, I think the most difficult part about wearing the Silk costume is taking it off after a long day because of how sweaty I get after shooting," you began to fan yourself dramatically, "It all just clings to my body like a second skin and since I am completely nude underneath, it just adds to the problem." sarcasm dripped from your lips as your cast mates snickered at your words.

You quietly laughed to yourself, "I'm only kidding. That question seemed like such a joke that I presumed you expected a joking answer." you cleared your throat, "In all seriousness, it's an honour wearing the suit and I did visit the gym and do some physical fitness regularly to prepare for the role, as did all my cast mates. As for what I wore underneath," you grinned cheekily, having too much fun messing with the reporter, "A Spider-Man onesie was my go-to."

The whole room let out laughs at your words as Tom grabbed your hand and gave you a small squeeze, feeling sorry that you had to answer such absurd questions.

"I hope everyone doesn't sexualize Cindy Moon. She's only a teenager in the film, so keep it in your pants people. That shit is illegal." Anthony pointed an accusing finger at the crowd.

"Thank you for your thoughtful question, Leonard!" Scarlett spoke up, "I hope you got the answer you were looking for."

"Okay, next person."

You sat back in your seat and fiddled with Tom's fingers as the questions were asked towards your cast mates.

"You handled that impressively well, love." Tom whispered in your ear.

You gave him a smile and a shrug before your name got called again, "My question is for Y/N and Tom Holland." a lady with curly blonde hair stood up, "Since Silk and Spider-Man's abilities are very similar, did you two bond over that during shooting or did it cause some rivalry between your characters due to the similarities?"

You felt a wave of relief at the question, thankful that it wasn't another sexist one. Tom looked at you before answering.

"Yeah, yeah. We bonded a lot over that fact and I don't think it caused any rivalry between us. I hope not." he chuckled before you leaned towards the mic.

"No, no. No rivalry. Just a lot of banter about whose character is stronger and who swings around better. It's a lot of fun having someone on set whose stunts are basically the same as yours. And Tom and I have both agreed that Silk is faster and better than Spider-Man." you said that last part quickly drawing laughs and a gasp from Tom.

He looked at you incredulously, "Not true! Spider-Man's suit is so much cooler than Silk's." he huffed like a child.

You smirked, "Who makes their webbing in a high school chemistry class and who has organic silk coming out of her fingertips that she also used to create her own suit?"

Your friends laughed at the banter beside you before Sebastian started to speak, "I have to agree with Y/N on this one. Silk also has that cool ass eidetic memory."

Chris Evans agreed, "And her Silk Sense is a thousand times stronger than Spider-Man's Spidey Sense."

"Isn't she able to know who an attacker is before she even sees them?" Hemsworth asked to which everyone nodded.

"Sorry, Spidey. Silk's just a top tier hero." Robert patted his shoulder as Tom sulked.

The questions began again as the laughter died down. You leaned over to Tom's ear, "Still love the actor who plays Spider-Man even if his character is inferior to mine." he shook his head with a smile at your words.

Questions ranged from the generic ones of the funniest moments on set to who's most likely to become a villain. Your nerves died down as no incompetent person asked another sexist question. Until one did.

"I have a question for Y/N." she was short with jet black hair, "Being around all these attractive men must be a challenge for you as a young female adult. It couldn't have been easy to control yourself around them. Have you had any sexual relationships with any of them or thought about engaging in any?"

Your jaw hung open at her words and before you could muster up a retort, Tom let his anger get the best of him. Was it his anger, his jealousy or his protectiveness? A mix of all three.

"That was painfully sexist." he spoke into the microphone. "I don't see how any of that is relevant to the film. Y/N is an outstanding actress and it's outrageous that you decide to focus on who she fucks rather than her talent."

"What in the actual fuck did she just ask?" Sebastian added, making you laugh.

Chris Evans spoke up next, "Indeed. I thought this was a promotion for the movie not a real life dating app."

Benedict chuckled, "I fail to see how Y/N's private life holds any relevancy to this panel or the film itself."

"It's twenty-nineteen, people! Leave your sexist ass shit at home!" Anthony exclaimed drawing claps from the cast.

Elizabeth shook her head, "I've had my fair share of inappropriate questions, but nothing as horrid as that."

"First y'all ask about her underwear, now you ask about her sex life? Jesus Christ." Scarlett pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Seriously, she's like a daughter to me. That was incredibly disrespectful." Robert added with a disappointed head shake.

Similar comments were added by the rest of the cast as you felt an overwhelming amount of love wash over you. You were so unimaginably grateful for the people next to you.

"You don't have to answer that." Paul Bettany reminded you.

You shook your head and cleared your throat, "Thank you, guys." you looked to your cast mates, "But I'll answer. No, I have not. This cast is my second family and I've grown greatly as a person with them. I'm immensely thankful for the opportunity to call them my friends. And I agree, these men sitting up here with me are undoubtedly attractive, but they are also a great pain in the ass at times," everyone laughed at your choice of words, "And have I thought about having sex with any of them? Nope. Just Scar, Zoe and Liz." you finished with a wink as the room clapped for you.

You couldn't help but to feel a slight bit of sympathy for the woman. Her question was, without a doubt, uncalled for and unbelievably sexist, but the comments from the cast must've made this her most embarassing moment.

"I'm sure you meant no harm with your question. But a little heads up for next time; most actors prefer to talk about their career and their films rather than who they are laying in bed with. But thank you for coming out. I hope you enjoy the rest of your day." you gave her a genuine smile as she cowered back into her seat.

Robert once again reached over and gave your shoulder a squeeze, proud of how you handled the situation.

Tom interlaced your fingers with his and rubbed small circles on your knuckles.

You really were at home with these people and you couldn't have asked for a better family.

[dylanobrienisbatman]

The main problem with the whole mal vs the darkling thing in regards to being possessive (or really when it comes to any of their traits) is the fact that throughout, the darkling is clearly framed as the villain and his actions reflect that, whereas Mal as supposed to be the good guy and best romantic partner for Alina, and yet he has all these awful character traits and tendencies. So its less about how awful the Bad Guy is (since he's supposed to be), and more about how awful the person that we're supposed to believe is the best option for Alina is. I don't ship either, just my two cents.

Okay well... two things. First, your comment about "its less about how awful the bad guy is, since he's supposed to be", takes every comment I've made about Darkles out of context, which seems fitting since everything Darklina's spout about Mal is out of context. Him being the Bad Guy is fine, and if you like him AS A VILLAIN, and acknowledge all the bad shit he does, then my posts aren't for you. I think he's a very interesting villain, and a lot of the terrible shit he does that I have to keep making posts about make him a good villain, the problem is when the terrible shit the "Bad Guy" does is romanticized and viewed as the reasons why Alina SHOULD have picked him. So, don't assume everyone gets that "hes supposed to be awful". The point my post was making is that Darklina's love to call Mal possessive, but then turn around and act like Darkles literally enslaving her in somehow sexy and romantic. It's fucking not, and it's transparent as hell that y'all romanticize and sexualize the actually possessive character, and then project false character traits onto Mal. It's so transparent, it's almost funny.

But, more importantly, to your second, very wrong point, I wonder how much of the narrative about Mal having "awful character traits and tendencies" is actually a commentary on Mal as a character, or is it just Darklina's lying about things Mal has done and everyone accepting that misinterpretation as canon. Because, if were making a list...

Fuck boy - False! Mal was not a fuck boy! He was an attractive teenager who hooked up with consenting girls his age when he could, and he was not in a relationship during that time. Alina had never told him how she felt, so he is not beholden to her. (Also, nobody seems to have an issue with the fact that Darkles hooked up with Zoya in the show, that doesn't make HIM a fuckboy... interesting) (also also, nobody seems to discuss Darkles literally sexually assaulting Alina, and lying and manipulating her to get her to be physically intimate with him so he can use her... double interesting).

Slut Shames Alina - FALSE! The ever favourite callout line from Darklina's "He's all over you" isn't him slut shaming her. First, he has no idea what their relationship is like at that point, but more importantly, he is making an observation of her status in the little palace and how she has become his tool. He has dressed her up in his colors, made her put on a show for his benefit, and has created a situation where Alina appears to be his. Mal is noting that after months of searching for her, believing she was being hurt, tortured, or worse, when he arrives to save her, she looks like the Darkling's pet. (and, even if he WAS angry because he perceived them to be romantically involved, boy just spent months fighting for his life, lost multiple friends, and almost died to find her, all while coming to the realisation that he was in love with her, and then he shows up, after not hearing from her for months... I'd be pissed as hell too.) Important Note: He even acknowledges that what he said was wrong and tries to apologise, before Alina tells him that he was right. (Shadow and Bone, pg. 286). He also then apologizes, completely unprompted, for what he said. (Shadow and Bone, pg. 297).

Fat Shames Alina - False! This one is particularly laughable to me, because its one of the Darklina arguments that falls apart the second you actually read the scene. They are running for their lives in the forest, and Mal has to hunt and gather to feed them. He is noting that Alina's appetite has increased since he last saw her, and he makes a joke (ya know, how you do with friends) about how it would be easier to keep her fed if she still had her more meager appetite from before. He makes no comment on her weight, or her size, and he is not actually commenting on her appetite in a negative way, he is just acknowledging that it's a lot more work for him now that she eats more. Right before he says the line, the quote even proves that he isn't shaming her or thinking badly of her: "With a bemused expression, he watched as I gobbled down my portion and then sighed, still hungry". He is noting a change in her, and complaining that its made more work for him. If you think thats the same as fat shaming, well... thats a you problem.

Hates Alina's Powers - FALSE!!!! How to begin... do we talk about it was Mal's idea to hunt the stag in S&B, because he knew she needed it to be more powerful so she could stop the darkling? Do we talk about how he vowed to find the firebird for her, even though he was terrified of what all that power would do to her? Do we talk about how he literally died so she could achieve the power she needed to save the world? Or maybe we could talk about how he believed in her power more than anyone else, like when everyone was making bets about her abilities with the Cut and he knew she'd go further and better than anyone else expected her too, or when he tells her that he was never afraid of her powers, only what seeking all that power would do to her (which is literally the theme of the books, that power corrupts and seeking unmatched power can destroy you)? Mal being afraid of what is going to happen to Alina, being protective of her and worrying over her, is not the same as him hating her powers. He exists to help remind Alina of the themes of the story, and to guide her into maintaining her humanity.

Abusive - ... Do I even need to explain this one? Must I deign an explanation as to why this favourite Darklina lie is so fucking stupid, and also totally hypocrisy? No? Because we all know Darkles is actually the abusive one and they're trying to project their own shit onto Mal to further their abuse apologist agenda? Cool. Moving on.

Possessive of Alina - False! Throughout the entire series, Mal is quite literally the opposite of possessive, but yall just cant read. Not only does he quite literally step out of the way and allow Nikolai to court Alina without argument, which is the most direct example of him not being possessive, he also spends two full books believing, and repeatedly saying over and over and over, that they can't be together because he is not good enough for her. Mal believes, fully, that Alina deserves more than him, better than him, because he's just a tracker and a soldier, just a regular man with nothing to offer her but his love and his protection, and she is a Saint and should be a Queen. Possessiveness is the wish to own and control someone, it is literally the opposite of Mal believing that he's not good enough and doing everything he can to ensure that Alina achieves everything and gets everything he believes she is owed. A possessive character would not tell her to tell him to leave because he has nothing he can offer her, no title or land or country or crown. A possessive character would not promise to be the blade in her hand, because he believed he had nothing but the blood he could spill to offer her.

Angry - True! Yeah, omg, you caught us, Mal is ANGRY! Heaven forbid a teenager who is traumatized beyond belief and has to give up everything in his life, his position in the military (he deserted for her), his friends and the job he loved (Mikhail and Dubrov died for him, and he can't be a tracker in the army... because he deserted... for Alina), and, most importantly, he has to give up Alina (she should be Queen, he believes, and he has to give up the future he imagined with the girl he loves, who he was pretty sure loved him back, because she's a saint and queen and he's just a man), and more, is ANGRY. He has to be the one to find the amplifiers that he knows will end up hurting her, because thats what she needs to save the world. He has to sit by while Nikolai treats him like the dirt on his shoe and tries to woo Alina for his own personal gain (because Nikoalai did not love Alina. Maybe he came to care for her, but he proposed and spent all of S&S trying to get her to marry him when it was obvious they were not in love. He straight up says its so that the next King of Ravka can be married to the Sun Summoner. It's a power grab.) and he can't do anything about it. So yeah, Mal is angry. And yeah, sometimes he's even angry at Alina, just like sometimes she's angry at him. But they always find their way back, always apologize and try to be better for each other, and if you think anger is a toxic trait, and not simply a natural human emotion, might I suggest touching some fucking grass?

Idk why you thought I'd stand for Mal slander on my blog, cuz I will not. So, I'm gonna stop there, because I have shit to do today, but I really do wonder how much of Mal's 'toxic' or 'terrible' traits, that make him such a 'bad' love interest for Alina, really comes from Darklina's who refuse to actually read the text critically at all, and instead take everything he does and says out of context to further their agenda that Alina should have ended up as the Darkling's fucking slave forever, because thats the "girl power feminist" ending somehow. Mal supports her, loves her, sacrifices for her at every turn, and does everything he can do, to the point of literally dying for her, to ensure that she can defeat Darkles and save the world. He protects her, and when they end up happy and safe together on the orphange that they've rebuilt to help the children that were victims of Darkles war and genocide, he spends his days bringing her tea and cakes and flowers, kissing her silly under the stairs in the view of all the teachers, and calling her names like beauty, beloved, cherished, my heart for the rest of their ordinary life together, if love can ever be called that.

[ironmandeficiency]

I saw y'all discussing potential zodiac signs for Pascal's characters, what's your take on the major ones? I personally believe Marcus Pike is a cancer, Catfish's a pisces, Din's a virgo, Whiskey's an aries, Oberyn's either a leo or a libra, Ezra's a gemini or a sag, but I lean towards gemini. Javier's the poster child for Scorpio. Don't know about Maxwell Lord.

pedro character star signs

i’m so sorry it took so long, i was tweaking this so much bc i wanted to make sure i got it right! these are just what i think based on my astrology opinions, i hope you like it! 💕 i added their moon signs for flair bc i can. gonna tag a few friends i think may be interested, hope it’s not an inconvenience

max phillips: aries sun & moon. his ambition and charisma paired with the carefree attitude and optimism are an optimum fire sign duality and despite the fact i shouldn't, i love it so much. he has an inner child that he spoils with the riches of his conquests (good and bad) & gets emotional contentment when he succeeds in achieving his goals. knows what he wants & is quick to make those wants known. you never have to worry about where you stand with him because he will not hesitate to tell you.

javier peña: taurus sun with scorpio moon (the real guy is a taurus & i can see it but w heavy scorpio influence). he has his own structure and routine and will fight to the death to maintain it. very work oriented & does his best to rationalize his emotion-driven scorpio moon with his taurean logic, it's a tossup as to whether it works half the time. has a lot of emotional needs that aren't always met day to day & thats why he smokes and drinks and fucks. but don’t let anything make you doubt his love for you because the only thing stronger than his stubborn streak is his heart and its capacity to love you so damn much.

maxwell lord: libra sun with a sagittarius moon. the charisma? attractive and engaging af. oddly adept at chameleoning himself into whatever social group he's trying to vibe with. will draw eyes no matter what because so many people know him & if they don't already, they sure as hell want to. it takes him a while to learn to balance healthy relationships and his work life but when he does, you can visibly see how much healthier he is because of it. normally tends to his emotions in private but with help, he can start sharing a bit more. more optimistic than he sometimes should be but it could be worse

frankie morales: pisces sun with a cancer moon. his caring and sometimes cautious nature (with a twinge of homicidal tendencies) make him one that you don't just casually fuck with sexually or otherwise. catches feelings very easy & makes a lot of emotionally-driven decisions. these two water signs have a propensity towards codependence & defensiveness when hurt. is at his best when he feels loved and is supported by those he loves. emotions are always fluctuating and there’s some trouble with self-discipline (which is not the same as self-deprecation). because of this, he needs someone who can ground him

jack "whiskey" daniels: his swagger!! his charm!! his generosity!! the protectiveness over people he cares about!! this has the makings of a leo sun. this charismatic sun sign paired with his capricorn moon create a living example of the most balanced "work hard, play hard" you've ever seen. has a tendency to set high standards for himself and others & is a smidge more accepting when people fuck up, wanting to help them be better in the future. his emotions are often repressed in the name of responsibility but when he feels safe, he isn’t shy about them in the slightest. very confident in his skills & one of those that he’s the proudest of is his ability to cheer you up when you’re sad

din djarin: he is the most virgo virgo to ever virgo, a double whammy of it in both his sun & moon placements. very logical, disciplined, and tradition-oriented. knows how to bargain and budget, approaches problems with as little emotional attachment as he can (doesn't always work though), and is selfless af. needs something to keep him from being a worry wart bc otherwise he will spend every waking moment fretting over anything he can find. remarkably well-rounded & somehow the most emotionally stable

ezra: everything about this man radiates aquarius sun + gemini moon and you will never convinve me otherwise. he's just enough of an intellectual elitist (the big words and flowy shakespearian vocabulary) for it to border on unique and fun & annoying as fuck. every aquarian i've met has a quirk that sets them apart from everyone else & ezra's quirk (besides murder) is his vocabulary. it takes him a long time to learn to not talk over people on accident (sometimes he does on purpose just to be a bastard), but you can tell when he’s really trying to be conscious of it.

marcus moreno: now this man is what you call a pisces. a softie with a heart of gold that is constantly being underestimated, he has more power than most think. his silly and carefree nature detracts from the badassery he's capable of so it sometimes catches you off guard when he goes into Badass In Charge™️ mode but it’s there. his moon is also in pisces, which adds to his gentility and desire to be understood by his partner. this man just needs some love dammit, give it to him already!! his empathy makes him the Cool Dad™️ bc missy and literally any other kid get the vibe of “yeah this adult will actually listen to me and value my opinions”

dave: capricorn sun, aries moon. he thrives with people who can handle their own shit competency kink anyone? and doesn’t have patience with those who should know better. his standards are higher than a stoned giraffe, and is at his best in controlled environments. has a strong sense of self & a short list of people he would risk it all for. not as outwardly expressive but he does have a couple cues that you learn over time. also knows what he wants and is very meticulous in how he goes about getting it; there are very few places where he takes no for an answer. is a very good provider but don’t expect him to be mushy when you thank him for things he does for you.

oberyn martell: gemini sun & leo moon. he’s got more charisma than can fit in the ocean and sometimes it gets him into trouble. this man thrives on validation from loved ones. there is never a worry about not knowing what he’s feeling because oh boy is this man expressive. he’s a protector and a provider (and a gossip but don’t let him hear you say that). can and will cause a scene if there’s ample opportunity, he enjoys watching shit go down. will only interfere if it directly impacts him or someone he really cares about but otherwise will just pop the popcorn and pull up a seat. somehow has all the details of everything that ever happens but you learn to not question it.

pero tovar: scorpio sun (but specifically october scorpio) & aquarius moon. he’s highly rational when it comes to emotions but does have a temper. he’s observant af of his environment & the emotions of everyone around him, and chooses his actions carefully based on those. doesn’t confront his deeper emotions as often as he should bc it’s easier to default to Angy™️ and let the rest of the world come to their own assumptions. has no tolerance for lies and other bs, wants the truth and though it makes him seem power-hungry and manipulative, that’s not his intention. it’s just his way of looking for someone he can trust with the most intimate parts of him

marcus pike: this man? taurus sun, cancer moon. has a fear of abandonment that takes a while to quell but once it’s gone, he’s all in. he’s very empathetic and observant af, will know exactly what you need before you voice said need. will feel guilty for his baggage sometimes and the guilt will make him recluse for a short period until he’s reminded just how appreciated he is. does not play around when it comes to affection & is very eager to give and receive it whenever possible

my friends that i think might be interested: @scribbledghost @autumnleaves1991-blog @dyke--grayson @max--phillips @dindjarindiaries @pikemoreno @ohnopoe @pedropasscals @forever-rogue @engineeredfiction @bitchin-beskar

[rad-octopus]

How to be a cryptoterf

My main blog was recently followed by a transwoman, and I feel the need to remind myself how to not get doxxed. Hopefully the little things I've learned will help others, too.

Try to get as many degrees of separation as you can from an "out" radfem blog, especially those that have obviously radfem or terf usernames (I include my username in the obvious category, as an example). Do not reblog from them on your main, no matter how brilliant their posts are (Sorry, ladies).

If you see a post that you want to reblog but it has the name of an obvious radfem? Either reblog from the op (Unless they are also an obvious radfem, then don't) or dive into whoever the obvious radfem reblogged from. You might have to go back several reblogs, but it usually works for me.

Only reblog basics of radfem theory that have nothing to do with trans people. If you can avoid reblogging ANYTHING with the word trans in it, even better. And honestly? Also be careful with posts that criticize gender even though they're 100% correct

If you're worried about alerting a radfem you follow that your main blog is connected to your side blog (I'm not, but I understand that some people are paranoid about ANYONE knowing that they have a radfem side blog), don't reblog to your side blog immediately after liking the post from your main (tip: whenever you like something, you are ALWAYS using your main blog to do so). The pattern becomes pretty recognizable after a couple times.

This is the hardest one for me because my memory is awful plus I follow so many blogs, but keep an idea in your mind of who you can reblog from. There are radfems who don't have obvious usernames but still reblog enough trans discourse that if a libfem went "oh cool, that's a great idea, I should follow that blog" and clicked on it, they would figure out that it's a radfem blog within 3 posts. This point is, of course, up to your personal discretion about who you personally put into the "safe" cryptoterf category and who you put into the "unsafe- and-more-obvious-than-crypto" terf category.

This might make #5 significantly easier, but god at what cost, so I'd like input on this idea in particular: Download shinigami eyes. Look. I know. I hate hate HATE this idea, and I haven't yet done it myself because I use mobile but also because I can't quite bring myself to do it. But if people are genuinely using it to out cryptoterfs (does this actually happen? I haven't seen this personally, but I can imagine it happening), maybe we should use it, too? Genuinely would love to hear other radfems' thoughts about this point.

Be careful of what you like. As I mentioned in #4, whenever you like something, you are always using your main blog. Sometimes I don't even like a radfem post because 2 conditions are met: 1. They're too popular, meaning there's an increased chance an angry tra will go searching through the blog for more blogs to put on terf lists. 2. The post has only a couple other people liking it, meaning that if said tra trolls through said blog, I can't hide my like in a crowd of other likes.

If you're on the fence about whether you can reblog a post? Look at the notes. If there's fewer than 1000 notes and the vast majority are radfems? Might be too risky. Up to you, but that's one of the metrics I use when I'm feeling particularly paranoid.

(Edited to add because I forgot) Hide your likes and the blogs you follow. Do it now. You don't owe anyone that info anyway.

For those of you libfems who read this and think "this is it! This is proof that they're trying to indoctrinate us!" Stop.

First of all, y'all already steal radfem philosophy all the damn time. How many times have you seen "op was a terf so I'm reposting" this week alone? I've seen it a disturbing amount of times, including the warning comment "op is a terf!" on radfem posts that have jack shit to do with trans people. If our thoughts are so vile and awful, why are you reposting it? Could it maybe, possibly be that... we're right? And you've been told a lot of lies about our ideology?

Second, this is a guide on how to talk about the wave of feminism that secured major rights for women without receiving hate, getting doxxed, or worse. I created this side blog and became a cryptoterf on my main BECAUSE I started to get hate messages on my main, calling me vile, sexist, racist. I don't want to lose my job, I don't want to be subjected to hate. It's such a real and present threat that people in my offline life, who I talk to about all this, have asked me to be careful and that they're worried.

If any radfems with cryptoterf blogs wanna hit me up, I'd love to hear from you! I genuinely think that when women in particular read basic radfem tenets without the scary tra buzzwords in the back of their heads (similar to how you can get die hard republicans to agree with you about socialism if you describe it without using knee-jerk reaction words like socialism and capitalism), they much more easily realize the good that radical feminism can do. If we can develop a system where we know who our fellow cryptoterfs are and reblog from each other, I think we can get a lot more people to read radfem theory so they can decide for themselves what to believe without all the baggage.

@spookyterf you've said previously that you have a cryptoterf blog, do you have any pointers? Anyone else with a cryptoterf blog is also welcome to comment.

[startheimpactfangirl]

@imma-sue-you-becky recently made mutual appreciation list which reminds me that I need to update mine!

@chocolatepancakes hello mod choco, let's start with you were probably the first Friday night funkin' artist I interacted with and the frist person to ever make Elvira fanart! Your art is very lovey and you have lovey characters! In general your really cool!

@imma-sue-you-becky oh were do I even begin, frist of all your art is gorgeous! I'm also really glad that Sam x alec is cannon now, actually do remember when I first showed you alec, Sam was flirting with alec 😂. But let's talk about our first interaction, I remember that you had drawn Selever in a maid dress for me and I had to tell you the whole Selever in a maid dress was a joke, then we had a battle on who's more lovely. In general your very lovey.

@thekinderwizard THE SUPPORT. Y'all your super supportive and nice! Your art is really cute and you have lots of cool ocs! My personal favorites are azaire and lady no-name. In general your really cool and supportive.

@stillreadingfanficsat10pm VERY COOL! When I asked for asks About my characters you are the frist one to ask something which makes me happy! In general your an awesome mutual and think your really cool 😎.

@googlyeyes-blogs and @boiling-potato I don't really interact with either of you that much but I do on Amino, especially boiling potato. Y'all have gorgeous art and characters,,, Keep it up!

@bloo-skies we don't interact much but your art is awesome! Really cool art, love how you draw hunter!! In general, cool person.

@nicos-writing-space you, you write here is an amazing writer! Very supportive and has helped me though quite alot! We don't talk much but your really cool :).

@snazzwritesthings once again, amazing writer! You wrote so much selvira stuff for me and it makes me happy!! In general, a really cool person!

@cat-crumbs we meet on Amino but so found out we both have Tumblr! Okay frist of all, awesome ocs and oc designs, I wish I had the talent to give my ocs such cool clothes! Also your art style?! Let me steal that really quick, it's really good! In general, awesome!

@shaniadakitty we don't talk but like your art? It's awesome! love sera, love sera x selever! Love your art!

@lolrenaw another person I meet on Amino. Okay but your art?! Hello?! It's gorgeous! I love the fanart I've received from you and it's all so gorgeous! You also seem like your generally interested in selever x Elvira and that makes me happy!

@aesopsbaby really good writing, hello?! You've dragged me back into the haikyuu fandom aswell. You seem interested in strawberry Pocky cookie and ayame chibana which makes me happy! Glad you like them so much!

@kleesclover we don't really talk but you seem cool!

Please tell me if I forget anyone!

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

reading update

happy gay month y'all!!

my book blogging this month has mostly consisted of my increasingly lengthy list of recommendations for queer books that aren't YA, but now it's time to check in and see what the fuck I've actually been reading since last time.

my unintentional streak of not reading any books authored solely by men is pretty much dead in the dust, and that's fine by me - the book I've been reading have been worth it. although there still hasn't been anything authored solely by a cishet white man, which has to count for something.

so!! what have I been reading?

Living A Feminist Life (Sara Ahmed) - a delightful return to reading theory, something I'm hoping to get back in the habit of. Ahmed is sharp, insightful, and delightfully angry; I could hardly get through a chapter without having to take a picture of something brilliant she'd written and sending it to a friend to discuss. it offered some especially keen insights into my own frequently infuriating work within a university, which I'll be thinking about for a long time to come.

Sorrowland (Rivers Solomon) - if I had a nickel for every time I'd read a book where racist medical experimentation and unusual fungus are key plot points I'd had two nickels. which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it's happened twice! I have to say that I like Sorrowland a lot more than Mexican Gothic - because there's anything wrong with MG, which is fun pulpy horror, but Sorrowland's tone and style are a lot more of what I like in my fiction. it's pragmatic and gritty in a way that reminds me very positively of Butler's Parable duology, but it's moments of warmth and human connection keep it from ever getting too relentlessly bleak.

Phoenix Extravagant (Yoon Ha Lee) - this has been on my to-read list for a hot minute, and felt like a nice palace cleanser after Sorrowland. Phoenix Extravagant isn't a perfect novel - it feels a little rushed in some places, a little incomplete in others, like another round of revision might have tightened things up - but it is an enjoyable and engrossing one, and sometimes a good time is all you need from a novel. I do really like the culture Lee built and the way he used it to explore colonization, complacency, and assimilation, as well as the way magic was casually woven into society. and, of course, we love to see a they/them protagonist winning!

The Every Body Book (Rachel E. Simon) - a really excellent illustrated book to help introduce kiddos to conversations about changing bodies, where babies come from, and the great diversity of sexual orientations and genders in the world. I'll absolutely be acquiring a copy to use with my own classes, and I'd definitely recommend it to any parent, guardian, teacher, or cool older relative who wants to be able to break down big ideas in ways that are accessible to young 'uns.

Crush (Richard Siken) - for a long time I've assumed people must be overstating how absolutely feral they go for Siken's poetry, but honestly? I get it. every poem read like a bruise I couldn't stop poking in spite of the pain, like the exhausting early hours of a tedious road trip to nowhere, like the thumping ache of a heart about to burst with longing and hurt. this shit was evocative for me in a way I didn't know poetry could me. bravo

Dear Senthuran: A Black Spirit Memoir (Akwaeke Emezi) - the second arrival of hot book summer, and my GOD is it a doozy! this book is beautiful in all of its shining pain, and makes my brain feel like it has fireworks going off inside of it. I don't think it's an exaggeration in the slightest to say that Emezi is going to be creating some of the most breathtaking literature of the 2020s, and I will eagerly line up for everything they are gracious enough to share with us humans.

what am I reading now? (and by "reading now" I mean, "going to pick up at work tomorrow.")

The First Ten Years: Two Sides of the Same Love Story (Meg Bashwiner and Jeffrey Fink) - honestly I was hoping to really focus on fiction for a bit when I finished Dear Senthuran, but I don't get to pick when the holds become available, so let's go! hot book summer!

The Jasmine Throne (Tasha Suri) - I feel like I've been waiting YEARS to get my teeth into this one, and I couldn't be more excited. I'm also looking forward to circle back and finish up a few other epic fantasy series while I wait for the sequels, namely S.A. Charaborty's Daevabad trilogy and Seth Dickinson's Masquerade series.