#this is me coping with finals week
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school library doodle (work in progress)
#my art#bsd#bungou stray dogs#dazai#osamu dazai#pokemon#rowlet#I’ll clean this up and colour it in when I’m not busy#this is me coping with finals week#good luck to everyone else also dealing with the semester ending#fighting for my life
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Payback!
Part 1
Bonus:
#I think you can tell which panel I picked this comic back up in lol. I've been meaning to finish it since like a week atfer the first one!#i found out about the lasso fill tool on ibis midway thru this and its a game changer omggg#anyways hope you like it lol#theyre so stupid#part 2 of shadow and sonic having crush crisises at the exact same time and having 0 clue how to cope with it#please tell me someone spots the team dark reference in there PLEASE#I FINALLY GAVE DRAWING OMEGA A SHOT OMG hes actually kinda fun for lil doodles like this lol#love them all <33#sonic the hedgehog#shadow the hedgehog#sonadow#comics#sth#sonic fanart#sonadow fanart#rouge the bat#e 123 omega#shadonic#sticks can draw!?
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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i'm just. taking a break from work and thinking about the fact that it's been almost two years since the c2 finale and that campaign still has me in a chokehold. i still think about the wizards all the time, which shouldn't surprise anyone but it's still remarkable. just taking a little moment to be in my feelings about them on main, nothing to see here
#i know it's been crickets on my ao3 for a while but i am still alive#in fact i am going to share a snippet of the one shot i'm working on for wip wednesday if i can remember which day it is for long enough#things might be settling down for me maybe? i got my shit together enough last week to finally decide to go back to therapy#this is probably a subject for another post and not the tags of this one but i can't wait to feel like i'm living again#and not simply surviving#and while writing is an excellent coping mechanism i would also love to experience the joy of creation again#alright back to work with me#thanks for reading my ramblings if you made it this far#i sincerely wish you a lovely timezone
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It has been forever since the last time I played with drawing screenshots
and some extra doodled ones
#kamen rider#kamen rider geats#kr geats#buffa#kamen rider buffa#azuma michinaga#screenshot redraw#disclaimer: as op posts this she's past episode 42 and coping HARD#but those were done a bit before - still in buffa's golden horn era aka desire royale#the first screenshot i gotta say the ptbr subs is the superior one - 'how am i still here' doesn't sound as accurate#i probably will finish the series this coming week and then I'LL BE FINALLY FREE TO SEARCH FAN MATERIAL#i've been drawing so much non human faces thanks d2 i had to remember how i draw faces in my style lol#i also had been tweet threading my comments as I watch and i'm slapping my july 30th self#'cant wait to see mad tycoon destroying buffa' she said aND WELL I SAW IT AND IT //HURT//#i mean its still so cool i have wips of it bUT IT HURT#and ngl did my friend tease me so i was kinda prepared for it BUT I CALLED IT FOR THE ROYALE GAME#NOT HOW IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED and gosh it hurts so much i'm still rewatching it
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lucifer from angels before man by @nicosraf !!
#go read this book guys PLEASE#i need to cry yell scream etc. w someone other than the voice in my head#this took me like 3 weeks just because of school n stuff but wooo im finally done#i was 80 pages into the book when i started this but then drawing this just ended up being my way to cope w pt 2 <//3#angels#lucifer#angels before man#angels before man fanart#abm#abm fanart#digital art#my art#ok yea this released like a few months ago but im patiently waiting for an abm movie adaptation
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Does this mean you’re done with exams? I’m so excited for you!!! I know how hard you’ve been working:)
@please-be-nice-im-sensitive-2
aw tysm!!! ur so kind i honestly dont deserve my beloved moots <3
today was my midterm and next week i have a final lol, and then a few more weeks of studying and another pair of exams in january :')
taking a smol break today to recover bc i have a long week ahead of me lol :D
here have a muffin :3
nom
#first three years here are called the basic years where we learn the theory essentially. and then the next three years are clinical#where theory and practice are hand in hand#right now our semesters are split into systems (body systems) where we study the whole thing take a few days off and then le exams#and then repeat#a few weeks ago we were studing the digestive system#todays exam was endocrine (hormones n stuff)#next one is muscles and bones i think :')#just have to survive this term and the next and then im finally freeeeeee#(for 3 weeks or something then summer term starts lmao)#so tired but also so grateful. and so tired XD#very cool tho i love learning oh so very much#(need to work on my coping skills tho lol)#inbox shenanigans#me my moots and i
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Does Astarion know the difference between the ache of hunger and the ache of grief? After so many years of suppressing both, would they just eventually feel the same? Can he distinguish the sharp gnaw of hunger from the crushing ache of sadness, or are they just the same pain at this point.
#the big sads got me this week and im projecting my emotions onto fictional boy to cope#astarion bg3#astarion#bg3#astarion ancunin#when he finally drinks from Tav and his hunger is quelled#does he still wonder why he feels a crushing emptiness?#being so used to everything just beung numbed as a survival mechanism#would he understand why the emptiness still lingers?#or does he just accept it as part of himself after so many years#i have so many thoughts on this but im sad and tired and going to sleep
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this is my little girl 💖
she’s running low on time with us, and my dad has been saying things along the lines of ‘this is why I don’t like pets’, because he finds the grieving process so hard.
I don’t fault him for that, he just feels loss deeply and deals with it differently.
sometimes I even find myself falling briefly into the same thinking. ‘what if making a different choice all those years ago saved me and my family from this grief and this pain?’
but I also know there’s no way I would make a different decision. no amount of grief could outweigh the joy she’s brought us over these last fifteen years. the laughter, the comfort, the connection.
I think about hikes with my dad when she was tiny and able bodied and would race up ahead of us on the trails and then race back to check on us. I think about the first time she saw snow and she instantly turned into a tiny fluffy bunny rabbit, hopping through drifts that were ankle deep for us but nearly buried her, and the matted snowballs she came away with, looking like a tiny curly haired yeti.
I think of her interrupting GrammE and John’s wedding along with Sagie, confusion turning into laughter as they sped after each other across the backyard ceremony. I think of my mom, lonely on the island and isolated during covid, telling me that Ginger was her saving grace.
and these don’t even scratch the surface. fifteen years of love she’s given us.
so yeah. losing her is going to damn near break me and I know that. but I wouldn’t change it for the world.
#you don’t have to read the post I just want people to look at my baby#if you have non-human family members give them a little extra love#I’m trying so hard to remind myself that not only have these last fifteen years been a gift#but these last six months or so have been a straight up miracle#I love her so much#I worry about how my mom is going to cope with her loss#she’s my best friend but she’s lived with my mom since my mom moved out#and so she’s been a daily companion to her and part of all of her routines#on one hand I’m relieved because caring for a dog especially an aging and disabled one#is a lot of work and my mom herself is already disabled and needs additional help#(and sometimes that resulted in me worrying that both of them weren’t getting proper care for their health)#but on the other hand I do think Ginge had been the biggest part of combating loneliness for my mom#especially after losing Tan#anyway I’m uh maybe crying too much to type now so I’m gonna call it#but I might post more photos of my little old lady baby over the next few days#because I love her and I think other people should too lol#personal#tw pet death#tw pet loss#(she’s not gone yet to be clear but I’m tagging these for other people’s sake bc I know it’s upsetting)#(she’s in the final days/weeks of kidney failure just in case anyone is wondering why I’m making assumptions about her passing)#toy poodle#poodle#pet#dog#puppy
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Thank you to House MD fanfiction for providing me with entertainment and relief from finals week. But also fuck you to House MD fanfiction for constantly being fun and distracting and costing valuable focus time by making me spend all my time theorizing about ways cancer could have been cured in Wilson's last five months and everything could hypothetically have been fine (/hj).
#house md#fanfiction#james wilson#finals#look he wasn't dead when the show ended#so you cannot convince me that cancer was not randomly cured like a month into their road trip#and the only reason he can't go back to oncology is because with cancer cured there's less demand for oncologists#So my “Wilson is alive” coping mechanism is just as canonically supported as his hypothetical death#i will die on this hill#and also on the altar of finals week
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in so many ways i am a Poster first and an artist second
#COPING#the way finals week is keeping me from Procreate this has to be a human right violation of some kind.#but even academia won't make me shut the fuck up for even 1 second of any given day
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this week on I DONT THINK HE WOULD FUCKING DO THAT: house ramming a car into cuddys house while she has guests
#house spoilers#house s7#house md#WHERE THE FUCK DO WE GO FROM HERE#like unLESS the eriters are pulling another 'teehee vicadin hallucinations' on us#which je sus chri st .#HOW TF DO THEY PULL THIS SHIT BACK#we've got a whole nother season left so unless house is just one the run & wilson just joins him bc obviously hes gonna forgive him#like WH. believe me i can forgive fictional characters of A L O T but this shit just does not make any damn sense#ofc he's in a bad spot (<-UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE CENTURY)#and he already maxed out his self destruction meter for the week. like thats his one coping mechanism spent.#but to RAM his car into cuddys whole ass dining room just cause he saw her with some and so he thought shed lied to him .#bro am i insane if i say thats too much even for house.of all damn people#like if this was a SERIES finale with stronger more obvious buildup and not just like.#½ a season of cuddy and house actually happy together and then ½ a season of whoops theyll never work out i guess#and instead something like s7 minus the CAR RAMMING and s8 is just house boiling and stewing and eventually he rams his car#with intention to kill and intnetion to die#then SURE i think that would be something i could see his character becoming#but this is so damn out of the blue.#house would not do impulse attempted murder no matter how fucked up he was on rage or pain or vicadin#m#live
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Girlies hate me for my Auditory Hallucination Swag 😜✨
#i have been suffering from 24/7 auditory hallucinations for weeks#its finally calming down but#was a rough period for a second there#damn stress been gettin to me lately#my hallucination and delusions get so bad when Im stressed#schizospec#psychosis#schizophrenic spectrum#<- not putting too many tags here bc idk my diagnosis atp because it was schizo affective when I was like 14 but idk if that changes#coping with humor#the bugz speak
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omw to play emotional support for my mom disguised as ✨fun family bonding time✨ for the rest of the week <3333 there's something so deeply wrong with me uwu teehee
#and i still havent texted my friend back even tho she texted me a week ago and i told her ill text her back this week when i have the time#and i DO have the time. im just fucked in the head and the prospect of having a conversation with another person where i again#have to pretend im not at the very brink of a serious mental and emotional breakdown. is making me lose my fucking mind#ik she's having a bad time rn and she needs the reassurance and jesus fucking christ i tried i had two long conversations with her#that were allllll about her. only her. not a single word about me. that's fine. this is what people need in such moments right#to just get patted on the head and hugged and told their suffering is real and what happened to them is unfair and just made to feel#that for a moment they're the centre of attention and it is all about them. this is normal. this is why therapy exists.#so i try to give this to her but it is fucking draining. and i NEVER get the same treatment back. like she caught me crying at uni last week#and like yes she'll say some nice things but she'll always find a way to turn the conversation back on the topic of ✨her✨#like we started talking about my therapy and i finally got to actually say a word or two about what im dealing with. but then she goes#'yeah im just trying to figure out what's wrong with me when i listen to you haha like i could never cut myself cause it looks ugly.#ofc it doesnt look ugly on you haha but i could never lol'#like thanks haha good to know ill just shut up then and steer the conversation back onto you why dont i. i mean its not like#i spent over an hour a few days back sitting with you and listening to your talk about your childhood and validating you and not saying#a word a single fucking word about myself even tho i was also going through it myself but who cares right. and now im the bad guy again#because im not texting back.#i feel like im finally fucking snapping cause at this point im properly fucking angry. IM having a bad time too. IM going through it too.#I have bad coping skills and had a fucked up childhood and traumas in my life TOO and im allowed to just not be able to handle it#i really wanna break something lol maybe therapy's working after all lmao#oh also this is why i dont eat breakfast. i do it once and then feel guilty and suicidal lol normal behaviour#pojebie mnie zaraz przysięgam na boga mam dość kurwa BASTA
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ougghhghgg ok so the crisis didn't end there, ended up having to go to urgent care to sob out half my life story to a doctor who was actually super kind and helpful and I'm feeling a bit better now, we have a plan in action I am on my way to get some new meds and the despair is less immediate and overwhelming
#dude I was so sure I was gonna get admitted to the hospital lmao. we almost went straight there instead#but I reeeeally didn't wanna be stuck in the psych ward if I didn't have to be#this worked out much better. I got some peace of mind I got a new script I've got follow up appointments for the next 3 weeks let's gooooo#feeling less heavy. still shitty!!! but!!! less 'oh god I'm never gonna be able to fix this oh god' kind of shitty#I'm rambling I'm oversharing I'm sorry ajdgskg I've been HARDCORE dissociated to get through this and I'm finally feeling more present agai#it's been a fucking day man. it's been a whole fucking day and I'm just so relieved to just. NOT be so overwhelmed.#okok I'm sorry I'll shut up I'll shut up but don't be surprised if u see me coping w shitposts later sfjgksh#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don't @ me.#personal cw
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We all have our red flags. Mine just happens to be watching war movies/tv shows for comfort.
#it’s my stress coping mechanism#all varieties of wars too#from the literal Middle Ages to present day#actually#more like until Korea#also if you have recs please let me know cuz finals week is stressful but I also have an insane amount of free time
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