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mulders-too-large-shirt · 15 days ago

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s5 episode 17 thoughts

omg!! after complaining of lack a of scully last time, this episode’s description specifically mentions her by name- and with a priest, too! is it time for scully catholic lore?! i am so excited! i fear i should lower my expectations, but it sounds promising!

it’s been a solid week since i’ve watched an episode, so i’m ready to dive in.

post episode thoughts: idk, this one didn't really do it for me. and i don't know exactly what "it" is. despite checking many of the boxes that i think personally make a great episode (solo scully time and catholic guilt to name a few) this one felt just... too dark and convoluted for me. i literally had no idea what was going on, and then when i started to pick up on it, we circled back to the emily story, which still makes me feel very frustrated and i feel they could have handled it so much better. it also, once again, denies scully any autonomy, which is very frustrating.

surprisingly, in this scully-centric episode, the MVP for me was... mulder? yes, i'm genuinely shocked. he was so protective and caring even while being very grumpy. the way he leaned in to grab her shoulder... calling her back in the rain... gently teasing her and then realizing it wasn't a teasing sort of situation... wow.

and also, as i mentioned before, he looked really good. arguably at his best here.

(this might be my longest post so far LMAO)

very dramatic music is playing as this priest arrives at a house to baptize a young girl. i actually know very little about the whole baptismal process, so maybe this is accurate and maybe it’s not.

this girl, dara, has been baptized, and now the thunder is going wild, which seems spooky.

also, she either has 6 toes or i cannot count.

did she get out of bed on her own despite not being able to walk before??? and now she’s walking towards a scary man while hearing evil voices.

she’s on her knees praying to this guy who her father cannot see…. and HER EYEBALLS ARE BURNT OUT OF HER HEAD????????

huh. hey. a lot of things just happened very quickly.

did the holy water burn her eyes? is she supposed to be a demon? i thought they were going to go with the “holy water healed her” route, which has its own problematic implications, but whatever these implications are, i’m lost.

(author's note: and i was going to stay lost <3)

shortened intro, i clock you each and every time

scully is entering a church!!! she has on a blouse and not a suit, which feels strange. OHHH, SHE PULLS OUT THE BABY PICTURE OF MELISSA :(

god. she keeps it on her. i'm emotional.

it’s confession time. she’s talking to the confessor about her FBI work coming in conflict with her beliefs. it was father mccue who we saw before baptizing dara, and he said this family needed scully's help. hmm... what for?

scully is crying. OH MY GOD “father, i had a daughter who died” <- WHAT?? ARE THEY ACTUALLY GOING TO ACKNOWLEDGE THIS?????

i'm shook. i thought we were simply never going to speak of emily again.

so father mccue thought that helping this family would help scully process her grief…

SHE’S SAYING SHE DOESN’T KNOW IF HE CAN OFFER FORGIVENESS? SHE LET A GIRL DIE??

woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, let’s go back a few steps……. oh my god. did scully need more grief to wear like an iron backpack? NO. WHAT HAPPENED HERE???

let a girl die. what. i just cannot imagine scully "letting" this happen??

a week earlier she had gone to easter mass. and she looks so beautiful in white and cream :,)

father mccue wants to speak to her in private. this church seems like it’s hopping, so it must be pretty important.

she’s been coming more often!!! :,) aww i'm happy for her. don't tease her too much father mccue, i'm watching...

but he needs her help. the kernofs lost their daughter dara in a very strange situation. and he thinks that her words might help them.

she looks so pained at this moment. but she goes anyway. god. god. scully. feeling obligated to help despite visibly not wanting to. knowing it will tear her open again. and doing it anyway.

frankly, it seems a bit cruel of father mccue to send her on this mission, but maybe he sees things with a lens i, a mere layperson, cannot

she’s chatting with the couple and they’re explaining how they adopted dara. lance (the father) is angry at god.

they’re saying she might have been struck by lightning??? she was wheelchair bound and somehow got up, walked out, and was praying. struck by lighting... that would be so weird

the mother says something about god letting this happen to an innocent girl and god. emily. i am still mad at your plot line for feminist reasons, but grief. new grief and old grief and inexplicable screaming at the sky.

back in the confessional booth, scully says she felt drawn to the couple. they were angry at god, and so was she, although she refuses to say that.

“as much as i have my faith, father, i am a scientist. trained to weight evidence. but science only teaches us how… not why” <- OHHHHHHH toss that in the bucket of quotes i will use to psychoanalyze dana scully forever and ever

now she’s chatting with the doctor, who also says that maybe dara was struck by lightning. she asks if scully is religious, and scully replies with “why do you ask?”, which i think is very interesting as a character choice for her to put that space between directly answering. especially since they're in a lab setting. it's less of a pause of making a purposeful separation between faith and science, imo, and more of a cautiousness that comes from thinking her faith will somehow be taken advantage of. but it’s also funny because her cross necklace is very visible. so. you can guess the answer to that question.

dara was found genuflecting??? even in death. and there’s a scar on her hand from where an extra finger was removed. but i def saw an extra toe earlier.

no other signs of trauma… “it’s as if god himself struck her down” oh…

this is going to be a very un-fun time for scully.

who is this man with an upside down cross in his car, entering a psychiatric hospital?

there’s another girl in the hospital, who also has extra fingers. it seems this new father gregory character has come to adopt this paula! but there was a mix-up. there was no approval from the social worker, and he cannot take her home until the paperwork is in order.

but social worker seems like he is lying… based on that zoom in shot…. i know this show and its narrative tricks...

scully is at home looking at the photos of dara, then pulling out the photo of melissa :( oh god :( she really has lost so much :(

she’s biting back tears as she answers the phone. she must be really out of it, because she answered with “hello” and not “scully” like always :(

it’s mulder, somewhere in a phone booth in the pouring rain! oh god bless that man, finding a phone booth to call her back from even while out and about.

he’s tailing a potential suspect but still makes time for the call, even though he's in a hurry… then he runs into an x rated film showing. now, what is going on with that? hope you catch the guy, buddy.

he wants to know more, but she cannot tell him anything until he gets the birth records on dara :(

back to paula at the hospital. someone is approaching…. and when he approaches, she also hears the scary voices and genuflects like the other girl did!!! and there is a huge flash!!!

what is going on.

scully is at the scene, and finds the cross in her room hung upside down. is satan afoot.....?

MULDER ENTERS!!! “aren’t you the secret squirrel” <- LMAOOOO WHAT A WEIRD THING TO SAY!!! let the record show that this man is my baby girl.

ohhhh, she quietly explains she’s doing this as a favor :( i think he gets the idea not to press or make any other rodent comparisons

but he starts nerding out over the implications of the flipped cross. maybe the guy he was tailing last night is the same guy who did this?

(author's note: there was actually no relation whatsoever, and i think the writers just meant him watching the scandalous film as a weird gag, but for a brief moment there, i thought the narrative stars were going to align. alas!)

anyway, paula and dara were sisters!! they were quadruplets!! so there must be 2 more out there, and they must be in danger!!

(mulder has this five o clock shadow thing going on, and it’s kinda intoxicating)

“look scully, i know you don’t really want my help on this, but can i offer you my professional opinion?” (she nods, almost smiling) “you got a bona fide, super-crazy religious wacko on your hands”

average mulder sentence. he points out the prevalence of eye imagery in the bible, of gouging and smiting and other such cases. and in walks the social worker, who is sure there was not a cross on the wall there before!!

i’m overcome by something pulling at my heart strings while looking at mulder and scully standing together.

paula was about to be adopted, so they journey to church of st. peter the sinner, which has the upside down cross iconography outside and a sign that reads “the darkness is upon us” oh boy! i feel very welcomed /s

mulder is coming too because he is a nice guy in his leather jacket and jeans :)

he really has no life, huh…. god bless him

(i feel like he is in some sort of league basketball every other weekend, and probably goes to the library very often, but this is likely the extent of his social life. aside from sleepovers with the gunmen, of course. and that can be so beautiful)

they find a book of st. peter the sinner, and he immediately identifies it as full of apocrypha!!! which is hot. while someone seems to be watching them from a corner. less hot.

“i’m surprised there’s nothing here from jesus christ superstar” <- A MAN OF CULTURE???????

(i know this man is singing showtunes in his car. oh, i just KNOW it. and i bet he WOULD love jcs. and he was at oxford when some big west end shows were playing: phantom, les mis, evita, cats. a 2 hour bus ride from oxford to london is nothing for a massachusetts boy. just keep these facts in mind while making headcanons)

((and i do feel like he grew up watching musicals, too. just seems like something that happened in that household. they had the money to go see live theatre, but he also grew up in a golden age of movie musicals. idk, just try and tell me he didn't hear songs from west side story and the music man in his house growing up. i bet he thought it was annoying as a kid that his mother was always playing them, but now he looks back at it with fondness. whatever))

they break the news to father gregory that paula has died, which he didn’t know, and he seems to be overcome with emotion as he says he was trying to adopt her. yeah. this is unfortunate.

mulder asks why he wanted to adopt her and he is NOT messing around

“why adopt her?”, he asks. “what, you think i was interested in harming her?” “why. adopt. her” <- OHHH he is NOT going to be going easy on this case when scully’s heart’s on the line!!! everyone say thank you to protective mulder!!

father gregory says he knew the girl’s mother and was trying to protect her, but when they ask who the mother is, he says she died. hmm. yeah. i think having 4 babies at once is pretty unsafe. i can imagine this happening.

but still... he said he knows where she is… and then says she died. which is suspicious. like, why not just say she’s dead? i feel like he's lying.

father gregory says that he used to be in the roman catholic church and he was her confessor before he started his own church, and divulging her name would violate his code of faith. okay, that is great and all. but her kids are being murdered, so maybe pray on it and ask god if you can make a special exception.

this dude is very strange.

“and yours, i see” he says, glancing at scully’s necklace

ohh…. allow mulder to stride in angrily. “you said you wanted to protect paula. from what?” yeah that is right. you don't let him mess with her.

what the fuck? this dude is so off putting. “whatever your intentions, your secular prejudices blind you from seeing what’s really happening here. two girls are dead- not by the hand of man. unless you accept the truth of god’s teachings that there is a struggle between good and evil for all souls, and that we are losing that struggle, you’re but fools rushing in. you put your own lives in danger. as well as the lives of the messengers”

(deeply pensive scully as father gregory walks away and someone continues to pant from the corner of his church)

wow. so i guess he thinks god just kills poor kids sometime for fun. sounds like a great god. i sure do want to join your church and worship him now. /s

(i'm still so baffled after watching the episode. so he thought the demons were killing the kids? it wasn't god doing the killing? but god lets demons kill kids sometimes unless people like him intervene? but actually it was the seraphim killing the kids and bringing them home to good? which would be a good thing, right? i just don't know what this episode was trying to sayyyyyy)

back to scully in confession. she brought mulder on the case “to help temper my feelings… to keep them from clouding my judgement. i wouldn’t admit it to him, but… as well stood there, i felt as if father gregory were speaking directly to me. in a language only i could understand”

well. i don’t understand it either, so i can’t analyze it. i'm sorry, queen, because i love to analyze you. but i'm glad she brought him along for the ride.

mulder holds the door open for her as they leave, and remarks on how gregory seems deeply suspicious (“he thinks he’s doing god’s laundry” is an exquisite line)

he’s definitely hiding something.

“but, basically, you’re ruling out any element of the supernatural?” (careful mulder pause) “what do you mean?”

ohhh, are they going to have this fight again? he seems to be holding something back. like he's trying to carefully measure his words despite being pissed off.

she points out that dara was baptized before she died

“and why would god allow this to happen, and why do bad things happen to good people? religion has masqueraded as the paranormal since the dawn of time to justify some of the most horrible acts in history” (heavy massachusetts accent when he says "horrible", btw, just noting that)

“i was raised to believe that god has his reasons, however mysterious”

“he may well have his reasons, but he seems to use a lot of psychotics to carry out his job orders”

wow. there’s so much to analyze there.

well, it's not outright denial of her beliefs, which is an improvement from before. he can clearly pick up on how much this case is impacting her, which i commend, especially for a guy whose ahab tendencies in the past have caused him to be oblivious to all things emotional. i will never be over that time he was like "i'm sorry your dog died :( btw i think we are dealing with the loch ness monster who somehow made his way to america. here are a bunch of dinosaur facts-"

mulder says she should autopsy paula before whoever it is has a chance to find her sisters. i think this is a fair judgement.

he is cranky. but he was trying to hold back. and i do appreciate that. cranky man who needs to shave. has he ever looked better??

i get the sense that this is one of those episodes i’ll have to rewatch to analyze more stuff in later. if i can bring myself around to it.

autopsy time. she finds something on both of paula's shoulders.

OH MY GOD, SHE LOOKS OVER AND SEES EMILY ON THE TABLE??!!

SHE STARTS CRYING??? AND SHE HEARS EMILY SAY “MOMMY PLEASE”???

BUT SHE TURNS BACK AND THE BODY WAS JUST PAULA??!!

hey. what. hey. emily jumpscare. what does this mean? she knew that alien child for like 2 weeks. please do not spiritually torment her.

back in the confessional booth, she says she wrote off what she saw as a hallucination based on her emotional connection to the case, but she clarified that is not what it was

damn. little did this confessor know he was in for a WILD story time when she sat down.

she says she was meant to see emily for a purpose. so she could save them. taking on the need to save others... this is such a scully thing to do.

mulder on da phone. he has a lead on the third sister!!

(dramatic sunglasses removal as they stake out the area)

why does he look so good?? it’s making it hard to focus on the tragic plot at hand.

he says the third sister wandered into a teen crisis center, which is odd because the other two could not walk at all. and scully points out that there’s some sort of degenerative bone disease in paula.

“and uh, i know you’re going to think that i’m crazy… but i swear i found evidence of something winglike”

DOES SHE THINK THESE GIRLS ARE ANGELS BEING BROUGHT BEFORE GOD FOR CRIMES?? THE REBELLIOUS ONES LIKE LUCIFER?

“well then, maybe she flew here, scully” <- lmao. not totally appropriate for him to say, but lmao.

uh oh… he finds another upside down cross outside the joint. she has more to say, but he has to go.

someone is chasing another girl… LEAVE HER ALONE!!!!!!

mulder approaches...

and this girl, too, hears more of those horrible overlapping voices, there’s a dude with the face of an alien (angel? devil?) and the blinding light?? and she’s doing the same pose as the others!! the genuflection!!

MULDER HAS HIS GUN…. who is here?! it’s father gregory!!! he says it’s too late!!! and that the girl is dead!!!!

and sure enough, her eyes are burned out as well, as a dove flies to the light. i see what you did there, souls ascending and all that.

(but i thought she was taken by the devil, so the soul going to the light seems contradictory... you know what? never mind ❤️)

now they have father gregory brought in for questioning, and mulder has a casual shirt on, which looks strange. “you know, they say when you talk to god it’s prayer, but when god talks to you, it’s, uh, schizophrenia” (he smiles at his own joke)

“you’re not interested in the truth” “i am ONLY interested in the truth!!” <- do not get between this man and his Truth. rest assured, that is his God

all jokes and jests have been forgotten at this point. he’s screaming at father gregory, asking what could possess him to burn those poor girls’ eyes out, with scully watching in the back.

father gregory makes scully explain the upside down cross… st. peter would only be crucified upside down. out of reverence for christ. sure. okay. seems weird he makes her explain it. feels manipulative somehow.

(very interesting how the upside down cross represents both st. peter and the devil... makes following the plot of this episode even harder)

he says he has risked his life to protect their souls because the devil wants them. well, idk if you’re doing a very good job, tbh. you're 0/3.

(mulder glares at him before leaving the room)

but father gregory taunts scully, saying she knows what they are, and if the devil finds her, his victory will be complete.

man, idk what they’re talking about :(

they think they found the fourth girl, and father gregory asks to be let go or else no one can save her. scully explains in confession that she knew she was meant to save her.

she says the devil didn’t take their souls, but the threat was real, and he gave his life to protect them.

anyone wanna tell me what’s going on?

back to the case. mulder's talking to her and then he asks what’s wrong. ohhh, he bends down to look in her eyes. “scully? scully. don’t let this guy get in your head. that’s the last thing you want” <- oh my god, he’s worried :((((

"you’re not going to find her. i think you’re being misled", she says

“by who?" (heavy pause) "scully, i think you’re the one who’s being misled. and not just willingly, but willfully. i’ve never seen you more vulnerable or susceptible or more easily manipulated. and it scares me because i don’t know why”

he is at once doing his very best and still manages to be a bit condescending, but he is also doing a very good job, at least for him, of saying what he means. so i’m proud

“i saw emily” OHHH she says it. i thought she would keep it to herself “she came to me in a vision”

he grabs her shoulder and pulls her in close: “i think you should step away” ohhh :( ohhh no :(

she tells him to go find the girl and let her finish up with father gregory, and he takes the case file from her hand, lingering over it, holding onto the image of the last girl

the case worker made his way into father gregory’s room!! asking where she is!! “the others were taken from me” hey, who are you?

oh my god, he starts burning father gregory????? “tell me father. save yourself” is he the devil?? a demon??

scully goes to talk to him again and the door is locked. father gregory is dead on the floor!! all burnt up!!!

mulder is arriving at the house of the fourth girl. he is NOT playing around. her father says she’s at school, and he points out she hasn’t been at school for a week. he won’t unlock the basement door, so mulder is going to kick it open.

her father is saying a priest would take her off his hands!! father gregory said he would take her and let him keep the disability checks!!

huh.......

scully is getting to her car, but she gets a call. “yeah, hi scully, it’s me” aww

(she drops her keys and hears the horrible demon voices as mulder yells at her on the phone to answer him)

before her is a bird alien lion thing???????? the CGI goes crazy!!!

poor mulder is yelling to her while she is witnessing the plot of revelations irl. he's gotta be so worried.

back to talking to father mccue. she says she has seen things. visions. a man with four faces.

this is troubling to father mccue, who fetches his bible. he’s showing her a page. it has an angel with four faces, which he calls a seraphim. the seraphim fathers four children with a mortal woman, whose babies are the nephelim, the fallen ones. souls of angels, but weren’t meant to be, they’re deformed and tormented. so the seraphim smites them with his glory and they go back to god?

i do not remember this story from sunday school.

“you think that’s what i saw?” “no” <- oh, i didn’t think he would say that… i thought he would be supportive. actually pretty gagged here.

“no. i think what you saw is a figment of your imagination, a half-remembered story from your childhood that surfaced because of this case” <- is he trying to be helpful here?? reassuring?? dismissive???

she insists that she saw it. and i cannot get a read on father mccue.

“the text in which it appears isn’t even recognized by the church” <- okaaay, that makes me feel better for not knowing the story.

he is certain god has his reasons. it is how he rewards our fate. which is a nice thing to think about.

the case worker is here, claiming mulder has been trying to reach her. there is latin chanting as they go to father gregory’s church. everything is quiet and the footsteps are clear.

ohhhh she sees devil horns in his reflection… and he says he knows the last girl here.

and she finds the girl!!! she was who was watching them earlier!! he’s yelling out to her….

she says she won’t hurt the girl, that she’ll get her out of there, take her someplace safe.

she’s trying to guide her out and the demon is saying to bring her the girl. but she’s trying to go forward to him!!

emily is here?? “mommy, let me go” HUH?? let her go to the DEVIL??? she lets emily go and she walks into the light???

scully is crying. the demon is gone, leaving behind only the dead girl.

(author's note: i'm pretty sure i actually misunderstood this scene, and the seraphim came and intercepted the girl from the devil- at least, that is what wikipedia says happened. but this was not very clear, and you can imagine my shock at the thought of scully releasing her dead child to the devil. which will make my confusion in the following paragraphs make more sense)

back to the confession… she was sure she was releasing the last girl's soul to heaven. but she cannot reconcile this with the physical fact of her death.

“has it occurred to you that maybe this, too, is part of what you were meant to understand?”

”you mean, accepting my loss

“can you accept it?”

“maybe that’s what faith is”, she says, crying

the end.

hmm. hmm.

so scully couldn’t reconcile bringing that girl to heaven with her actual death.

but i was so confused, i swear the caseworker had horns, like he was the devil!! but then i guess the seraphim swooped in?

so she can only understand the loss of emily through faith, which makes sense, but the emily plot line still makes me frustrated, so idk how i feel.

you ever get so confused you go to wikipedia?

so the devil took their souls? the devil being the social worker? but then at the last minute the seraphim took the last girl and brought her to heaven even though she died.

so the devil actually got the first three girls? but the bird went up to the light, and scully said she was confident they went to a better place? so must be the bright light guy was the seraphim and he saved them from the caseworker?

listen. listen. i’m going to throw my hands up in the air and admit defeat on this one. i don’t know what the hell went on. but i do believe it was important to scully.

i also believe it was an attempt to wrap up the emily plot line and that it probably won’t ever be addressed again in a meaningful manner because woohoo! we did it! we wrapped it up! /s

hmm. hmm. mulder did endear me today. he was cranky, but he genuinely wanted what was best for her. i think. even if he was lying about tailing a suspect to go watch some illicit films. and i don’t want to think about that. it’s far funnier to imagine him actually tailing someone and having to watch that as a result.

after watching this episode, i feel very strange. i mentioned before it just didn't do "it" for me, and again, whatever "it" is, i couldn't tell you. but i can tell you this: i am desperate for scully to reclaim agency in her life. and i find that subjecting her to divine will is not agency. maybe you could interpret what happened here as god testing her, or offering her a way to understand her pain, or perhaps even taking god out of the equation, because of the unconfirmed nature of all supernatural elements of this show, she is imagining all of this as a way to deal with her pain. but it doesn't really allow her any freedom or autonomy.

i don't think i can fully articulate my qualms with this episode without diving into the murky waters of if god allows for free will, which is above my pay grade. but i will say this: it felt like scully was thrust into this situation, and her own free will was once again denied, whether you think it is due to father mccue getting her involved or god using her to save these girls and wrestle with the nature of faith versus reality.

and i want to see scully make her own choices. this is a critique of the writers, and not of the fictional character of scully. why is she consistently denied her ability to make choices about her own life? why is she put into these situations that deny her the ability to make choices? why does this happen to the woman in the show and not the man? why does it focus heavily on her ability to bear children? you see what i'm saying? why is the plot happening TO scully but being driven forward BY mulder?

i feel like it is hard for me to analyze what happened in this episode because so little of it involved scully making her own choices. she did choose to get involved with father mccue's request, and she chose to find meaning in her experiences, and even chose to communicate the distress she was in with mulder, but plot wise it was "god is torturing scully again. does he have no one else to torture?"

the emily thing is still always going to rub me the wrong way. it was always clear from the start of the abduction arc that the plot was going in this direction, but that doesn't make me like it any better.

in conclusion: i didn't like this one because i feel it, once again, relied on removing scully's agency and autonomy, and after 5 seasons this is growing old. also, i didn't know the seraphim lore, so i had no idea what was going on.

what did you think? specifically my scully fans: do you agree with my critiques? am i being a hater? did you know what was going on? did you like this episode? i'm always down to listen to someone try and convince me to like an episode! i need to know everything in brutal detail.

#this post ended up LONG even for me oh my goodness i'm kind of shocked #but yeah. not a fan. let scully make choices and be her own person and not a plot point.#again. i want to emphasize this is a critique of the writers not understanding that women are people and not scully herself as a character #and to answer my rhetorical question of why is the plot happening TO scully but being driven forward BY mulder?#the answer is: writers aren't very good at writing women #shocking but true #yeah. i've said enough already and idk if it even made any sense so i suppose it's best to stop now LMAO #the x files #txf #5x17 #juni's x files liveblog

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