#this is important to me bc I'm trying to write them
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I'm going to start sobbing
#I just came here to see what other scenes I could turn into gifs but I got distracted and now I'm overanalyzing allocer's character. again#this is like the 3rd time#jazz as well#but specifically their dialogue and word choice#this is important to me bc I'm trying to write them#and 2 me if I can't read the words in the character's voice then I get very bothered#and and and I love how allocer speaks soo much I find it fascinating especially bc#before I consciously made the decision to analyze his characterization I hadn't even noticed it but he speaks in a very unique way#he tends to use more 'difficult' words and his speech pattern is less conversational#especially compared to jazz who speaks very smoothly#and very naturally#allocer is very blunt but not in a personality kinda way but in a the way he words his phrases kinda way#they're worded very unnaturally and I just find that so fascinating#and it doesn't usually translate to english well bc english is a very inflexible language compared to japanese#but there's certainly ways around it to display his characterization better#I think he would be fun to write. figuring out how exactly he would say things.#but from what I've seen in most fics he's in he speaks in a normal way#bc nobody's gone through the trouble of paying attention to his speech patterns . I'm the only one insane enough#man#if I spread my allocer agenda far and wide by writing my own fics where he's a fully fleshed out character#with his own unique quirks and stuff#maybe ...... ppl will see it and the quality of his fandom characterization will increase overall ......#lucasings#blorboposting
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is anyone still in the mood for a hypmic imagines blog these days lol
#mod rambles#giant ramble incoming ->#the tag seems so..#dead. which makes me sad :(#it’s looking pretty grim for us yumes out there ngl#do the people still yearn for self indulgent romance with their oshis. lol#i am still very much a yume freak. perhaps more so lately. but i never do talk about my own yume ships loll#plus the yume community does not seem.. very pleasant. to say the least#i do kinda want to come back and write here#but not on this account. i’d make a new one#i kinda want to start all over tbh. like a fresh slate#plus it'd kinda force me to try and get back into the groove of writing bc i feel like i've forgotten each and every rule lol#also it's important to have a creative outlet!! even if i most likely do not have the time for one lmao#i do want to provide for the h.ypmic yume community on here though. plus i love to write#even though i'm not caught up on the drama tracks..#idk if i'm emotionally ready for them#yes i did see this is the final drb. i got the news while studying for my final the very next day so suffice to say i was not doing well lo#idk if I’d share the new blog though. but i feel like it’d be p obvious if were me? lol#but i also wouldn’t have the time to write or post so idk.#i have time rn bc I’m on break but#when school starts back up again I’m gonna be packed. esp since I’ll be starting neuro so that’s gonna take all my brain activity (ha)#also will be starting research back up again so that’s a pain#plus. truth be told this year hasn’t been particularly kind to me#i haven’t really been in the mood to write or share it bc of what’s been going on back home#my people are always on my mind all the time#esp my village#🇱🇧❤️#been doing a lot of rambling lately but not a lot of writing. hm#all this to say: i might be coming back but prob with a new blog. lol#i write a lot just to get to the bare basic point (hence the 30 tags)
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wash tormenting the reds in the most petty ways possible because he's still pissed off about them hitting him with a car and then blowing him up in s8 is so important to me you don't even understand
#I'm pretty sure I've said it on my old blog before but wash is the blues older brother but to the reds? he's the neighborhood bully lmao#that scene in s13 where wash gets all the chorus soldiers to turn on grif for refusing to attend the training sessions? 100% an act of#calculated cruelty on wash's part lmao#oh oh or in s11 when wash hooked up blue base to the ships power but not the reds? also calculated lol#wash stealing all of their stuff in s10 will also always be a fav petty wash moment of mine#he is out to make them suffer and they're not even aware of it lol#rvb#agent washington#mine#not t/oaru#if i ever write my ct lives au fic I'm going so hard on petty grudge holding wash#he is an absolute menace but he's so lowkey about it that in universe trying to convince ppl that wash is as petty as he is#is nearly impossible#the only ppl aware of wash's true nature are the counselor the director ct alpha and probably maine (and maybe florida)#everyone else sees him in a similar light as his fanon characterization#that's part of the reason why i think lina was so shock in s10 when he turned his gun on her bc to her wash was always so subordinate that#she just genuinely never saw it coming#anyway wash/ct/maine friendship is so important to me. i like to include south in there too sometimes but honestly south comes off as a#loner type. like she doesn't mind ppl but no one except north is really willing to tolerate her uh....personality for long periods of time#shes very....reactive and emotionally charged#but tbh id be that way too if i was stuck with north#north unironically reminds me of my dad but not in the good way lol#god my tags are all over the place#audhd brain goes brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
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#i don't think the fic is bad or anything but it fought me more than any story has this year. mostly bc of how i've been feeling?#and i think i could've made it a lot better if i'd shelved it for like two or three months tbh#until i was in the right mindset to try to say what i was trying to say? which is one of the main reasons why i shouldn't do big bangs tbh.#but! it's done. and that's the important thing lmao. and i did say my priority this year is finishing things not making them good#i do feel like. there's? some pressure? well-meaning and incredibly kind to be clear! but i do.#but i feel like i have. expectations? on me? and i'm not sure this is going to live up to them?#which is. like i think the story turned out fine but i feel like ppl expect more than fine? from me?#which!!! sounds conceited!!! i am aware!!! but i don't mean it in conceited i mean it like. i'm /stressed/ lmao.#like i think i'd be more okay with failing to meet my own expectations if ppl were okay w/ expecting less from me?#this is a mess.#i just wish i could be proud that i got it finished and instead didn't feel like i was going to let ppl down who expected more?#anyway. i've been working on my internal expectations this year. and i think next year has GOTTA be about external expectations lmao.#like it's absolutely no one's fault it's my own bad brain and you're absolutely not responsible for my feelings!! it's just.#anyway. i'm going to focus on being proud of myself for finishing it because it was very very very hard for me to do that#so it's done! and that's exciting!#and that's gotta be the most important thing for me rn lmao#stretching that writing muscle tag
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(slaps roof of soulmate au) this bad boy can fit so much aromanticism in it
#personal#like frrrrrrrr#i feel like i'm putting more & more aro vibes into how i write two and jamie?#not that i necessarily hc either of them As aro specifically. i don't for jamie & with two it's more like#just generally time lords experiencing things differently#but it often does drift into the territory of. this love isn't simply definable and that's okay.#i love you and you love me and the most important thing is that we're together doing what makes us happy.#the most important thing is what our actions & feelings mean to us not what other people expect.#you know?#anyway i didn't think i'd get it done but the world sucks so bad rn and i want to get something out#bc if i can make something that gives someone the slightest bit of relief or joy rn then i will try my hardest to do that
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your Kon post was sooooo good, like yes the core four are queer platonic, however Kon is hypersexual enough to have made out with (or more) everyone in young justice at least once, yes, including the non-corporal Greta don’t ask me how that worked
I love all of these posts!!! how many of these ask game things do you have in your inbox??
thank you so much!! and i ABSOLUTELY agree with you on hypersexual Kon (truly i just adore characters with grooming/rape trauma like Kon coping through the lense of hypersexuality) and even if YJ is queerplatonic, Kon has made his way through most of them. including Greta. he's creative he'd find a way. probably involving TTK. bc TTK in sex is a thought i have daily. endless potential for using it to basically turn someone's body into a living fleshlight he can manipulate from the inside out- specifically have a TimKonBart idea in my head about that where Kon coaches Bart through sex, since Bart is a speedster with a bonkers refractory period who struggles to feel satisfied, and Tim is caught between them getting used to get Bart off with Kon using TTK to manipulate Tim's body. fun times. fun ideas.
currently, i have one more ask game ask in my inbox (tho always feel free to send more!) that's BruJay focused. though i *do* also have a couple other asks that are just ideas i pan to use as prompts for full fics. just haven't gotten to those yet bc i'm currently busy with packing to move states so. i have *not* had the time to write i wish i had. i will not reveal too much but one involves JayTim fucking during the Titans Tower incident, another is JayTim with animal traits leading to porn, and then another is Tim/Kon/Jon with incest kink stuff. so! i have many things planned, i just need to settle into my new place, however long that takes.
#necrotic answerings#kindly praise#this was so sweet aaaa#i'm about to go to sleep so the brujay ask will be held off until tomorrow#but i will get to it#and i *hope* if the tim/kon/jon fic is short enough i can *possibly* get it done tomorrow too#i'm. mostly done packing. i just have to get my clothes and books in boxes.#i do not have *any* idea how much time i'll reasonably have to write once i move bc#well i'm moving in with my sister to help take care of her baby so yk. baby. sort of more important than fanfic.#but i mean it's just a baby so i figure I'll still have some time#see the real question is not will i have time to write tomorrow#it's will i emotionally be available. i've been crying on and off for days. pls.#i truly will let the ask game go on as long as ppl keep sending them. i do not mind i'm having just as much fun as y'all#tho i might reblog some other ask games just to spice it up a bit#i gotta find some fun ones#still plan to do a prompt list to write ficlets for the drive#3 days in a uhaul with my parents. def won't lose my mind at all no sir.#they will try to kill each other and I'll be the damn witness.#also when i say queerplatonic. i do include fucking.#it's the aromantic in me i think. but queerplatonic couples can fuck as a treat.#i will not elaborate on how that works. i'm just an aro lil guy who thinks sex isn't always about. the sex. and more about. the closeness.#none of my friends agree with this take they think i'm unhinged btw.
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hey girlie it’s me, sam winchesters gay lover, your mootie 🥰🥰🥰 i just wanted to let you know, that your tags on the post about that wincest video are based and i agree with every word, hashtag slay couldn’t agree more i loved reading your essay in those tags heart ❤️
omg thank you!!! i'm basically only capable of talking in essays whether people want me to or not, unfortunately
i just have a lot of feelings on this topic and the whole "canon or not canon" argument is weird to me; the themes are pretty darn clear in supernatural (it is NOT known for its subtlety) so idk man. they don't have to kiss to be canon. and they don't have to have a romantic relationship to be canon either. how many times do they get into relationships with other people only for it to be treated as cheating/betrayal/abandonment, only for them have to give up that relationship in order to reaffirm their devotion to their brother
that's just what the text says. i'm not under any kind of delusion that they have some secret sexual or romantic relationship, but that doesn't change that sam and dean are each other's most important person regardless of that. which is really awesome imo, that romance isn't treated as more important than whatever horrible thing they have with each other, and that they don't have to consummate their relationship with romance/sex in order for it to be the most important one they have
(and of course there's romantic/sexual subtext, like parallels and metaphors and misunderstandings and jokes, but to me that just provides a solid foundation for presenting this relationship between them as the most important even though it's not romantic or sexual—because this language of romance is the only one we know, really, when it comes to writing important relationships between characters. it's the only one we know in our own personal lives, to a large extent. so you use the romance/sexuality to symbolize the actual bond they have. which is so much worse lmao)
anyway i think spn is fairly unique in this way because of how no other relationships can really ever stand parallel to the one they share; even in other shows that center male friendship, romance is allowed to coexist with brotherhood. for sam and dean, it's not, and that becomes a point of tension and conflict and resolution many, many times over the course of the show. so like yeah!!! just because it's not romantic or sexual doesn't mean it's not canon, in the sense that their relationship is the point of the show, and it is the most important relationship they have. they chose each other above all else, every single time. yknow, it's "the epic love story of sam and dean" and all that
#ask#sorry. i did not intend to write another essay about this#but as i said i am only capable of talking in essays. my apologies#to be honest the only reason i have so much to say about this is because i have seen some truly baffling takes about what sam and dean are#and every time i see one i have to sit here and think about it. like how did you arrive at that conclusion. what are you watching#mostly in terms of like. people saying sam and dean are not weird and codependent and enmeshed with each other#that's just blatantly not true because again. this show is about sam and dean and their relationship. textually subtextually metatextually#the concept of even having to defend their relationship as canon is as confusing to me as having to defend umm rubysam is canon#or something#like it happened. they were together in canon. we saw them have sex. you can't say rubysam isn't canon because it's right there#same thing with sam and dean. the difference is the nature of their relationship and the fact that i guess people don't want to like#think of it as canon when it's not romantic????#it's such a no-brainer kind of thing. like the fact that i'm sitting here trying to explain myself is embarrassing me bc it's like#no shit sherlock#but again the only reason i am thinking about this so much is because i keep seeing people trying to deny or downplay their relationship#in the first place#which is BIZARRE to me#like idk i don't see people trying to deny that ummmm fuck. killua and gon hxh aren't canon friends#that they don't even like each other#wow i'm seriously rambling. apparently i have more to say about this topic than i originally conceived#idk man i get people are uncomfortable with incest but the point is that it's like. not. their canon-ness is not related to incest#they're just insane about each other and they are each other's most important person. they are more important than romantic pursuits#the uniqueness is that it trumps all other relationships and cannot coexist with any others. that's what's so canon about it#it's not just friendship. it's not just brothers. it's not just husbands. it's everything and nothing and so much more all at once#shrugs. sorry for rambling AGAIN#i hope i'm making sense here#supernatural#wincest#spn posting
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and even more revalink hcs from this post part 6
previous hc part 5 x i'm too lazy to tag the other ones, just go through this one 😭 i haven't done one of these in a bit so i'm doing this for funsies 😹
who's the primary protector of the two?
hard to say, since they're both warriors with protective instincts, and link had to have learned some survival skills & instincts in botw
neither of them ever rest really, constantly on their guard because they're not letting anyone get the slip on them
i imagine that maybe they bicker over who gets to protect the other, always insisting that they'll be the one to save the other 😹
who sleeps in and who is the early bird?
i think we should know by now where i stand on this 😹
i am the self-proclaimed #1 sleepy link x coddler revali enthusiast. you know damn well i am tucking that blond twunk into a soft comfy bed (the bed being revali)
who is the least patient?
hard to pin down as a generalization, because it's circumstantial between the two of them imo
like we all know link would stare into a campfire all night just to be able to hunt the best game at the exact crack of dawn
but revali is very thoughtful and methodical to me. i just reviewed his diary and the cb memory, and it's clear that his dedication to the craft warrants a lot of strategy, perseverance, and patience. he can be incredibly patient for the things that matter most to him
(i also really like the idea that revali would be very patient with fledglings 🥺 gordon ramsey type beat)
that being said, both revali and link will have a breakdown trying to assemble a single chair from ikea. they insist that the furniture is cursed but zelda assembles it in less than five minutes
which of the two listens to old music and which one is more into the newer stuff?
to me, revali seems like he would enjoy classical music, and classic pop & rock in general. anything before the 2000's, revali can get into
projecting a portion of my own music taste onto revali, he fucks with songs like 'stitches and burns' by fra lippo lippi, 'i melt with you' by modern english, and 'true' by spandau ballet. i will not be taking any criticism at this time 🙏
meanwhile link's playlist is jumping from 'good lookin'' dixon dallas to 'planet of the bass' to 'ETA' newjeans. and he finds all of it unironically genius
who's the first one to quit a new hobby because they're not great at it on the first try?
my instinct was to say revali, but the thing is, revali holds a great insecurity in wanting to be the best, and it's difficult to do that when you're dating Mr. Link Master-At-Everything-He-Tries over here
so if he's not automatically good at it but link is, you better bet your entire ass that revali is learning that shit out of spite to be better or at least just as good at it as link is
bitches can't even have like a couple hobby, everything turns into a competition if it's revali and link ✋😭
who holds a grudge the longest?
revali of course
a while ago, i made a post about how i hc'd revali to be a capricorn sun virgo rising, and i kinda still stand by that. he'll take anything to be a personal slight against him, will block you on everything, and talk shit about you to anyone. petty ahh mf
link just doesn't seem like the type to hold grudges, he's kinda goldfish brain. he'll forget he was even mad at you 15 minutes later
who secretly knows all the lyrics to the other's favorite songs but refuses to expose themselves?
revali actually 🥺
link soaks up melodies and lyrics like a sponge, so he has no problem picking any one of revali's playlists and knowing every single song on there, he will sing his heart out to each song on that damned playlist
revali is a bit of a music snob and isn't always the biggest fan of link's taste in music (as per #4 in this list LOL)
but he tries really hard to memorize link's favorites even if he fucking hates the song, which results in revali practicing korean just to be able to sing fucking 'gangnam style' psy with link 😭
who's more likely to cry about a plant dying?
link hands down. this guy gets overly attached to inanimate objects fr
bro is the type to bump into the corner of a table and be like "oops, sorry mr. table, didn't mean to hit you"
zelda once sent link a bouquet of flowers she had grown herself, and link put them in a nice little vase, made sure they got sunlight and water every day, and gave each flower names
when one of the flowers started wilting, link was about to have a whole breakdown
revali comes home to link trying to perform surgery on a flower, like why it got a whole iv drip bag now???
which of the two is the most outspoken? which of the two is quick to speak and which one is quick to listen?
these were actually two separate questions but i decided to mix them, bc i think it's pretty clear who's who
revali is more outspoken and quick to speak, he's confidently opinionated and will mansplain to you unfortunately. he's not afraid to tell you what he thinks, because he thinks he's always right. very much the type to tell you he's just being brutally honest as an excuse to a dick skjdhfkdj
link is soft-spoken, reserved, and a listener, he'll let you take the lead on the conversation or listen you out completely before saying anything.
as such, revali is the one berating the cashier for putting pickles on link's burger when he said he didn't want any 😹
and honestly? link just likes hearing revali's voice, so he's content with letting revali talk his head off as long as they get to cuddle or hold hands.
#revalink#loz#botw#loz botw#legend of zelda#amihan's revalinkverse#amihan's headcanons#q#been a while since i did one of these#kind of just trying to get myself back into writing silly things and not taking myself so seriously#i've been having an unhealthy relationship with creation recently 😽#revali being so soft and patient and considerate with kids is very important to me#never chastises them or raises his voice 🥺#meanwhile he's verbally abusing link to hell and back KJHDFKSKHFJ#link on some jungkook shit i'm certain that he just excels at everything he tries#like he's real wacky goofy unserious but he's very clever and quick when picking up new skills actually#revali the type to overthink the nuance and underlying meaning of everything that's been said n wonder if link even loves him#and link will just be like hehe. revali will love this random thingymabob#jungkookifying link by making him sing to his flowers bc he thinks it helps them grow faster <3
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Forgot to post this earlier but I did in fact comb the entire Vesperia script to determine how many times he uses ま/まあ throughout the game, along with a few other phrases he uses repeatedly. This counts all of main story, every single sidequest, and every single skit in the game.
Final counts were:
ま/まあ: 280
Ma/Maa; translates to "well". He uses this at the beginning of a sentence usually, but it's sometimes in the middle. "Ma" is usually more quick and snappy. "Maa" is more thoughtful and/or prolonged. Obviously it can vary based on context, but that's the general breakdown.
んじゃ and any variants: 133
Nja, along with variants such as "ja", "soreja", etc. Variants are counted when they're all used to express "let's get going", when they're about to head off ("ja" could be used in a sentence such as "ja/but then, why is xyz like this", etc). They encompass translations such as "well then" (let's get going implied. includes "so then", "then" "alright then", and so on), "we should be off", "let's get going", "let's go", etc. (not to be confused with 行こう(ikou), 行くぜ, (ikuze), and other similar versions of this phrase. That can also mean "let's go", but any instances of Yuri using that particular phrase was not counted because it wasn't a variant of, specifically, んじゃ, which is also his most common "let's go" ja variant).
おい / おいおい: 66
Oi/Oi oi; translates to "hey"/"hey, hey", though "oi" is more or less an accepted word in English nowadays.
おっと: 12
Otto (not to be confused with "oto", referring to sound); an expression of surprise that can translate roughly to "whoa there" (which is the most common translation I do see for it and what I'd use in most cases too, context of course varying). The reason I included this one despite it being so seemingly low in number is because it's not a particularly common expression, much less one used multiple times by a single character? It's so rare from anyone else, which is just a regular thing relative to Yuri and his dialogue/speech (i.e. most characters sparingly use phrases repeatedly, as compared to Yuri... as you can see lol. Other characters use these words/phrases, but nowhere near as regularly, if regularly at all).
Realized along the way I should've included やれやれ (yare yare, "good grief", "oh dear", "oh boy" etc), but by the time I realized I should have in case it was an interesting count, I was too far into the script to be able to handle going all the way back through it LOL.
No. No, I am not joking that Yuri used ま/まあ 279 times throughout the course of the game. That is to say, it could be more if I missed any, but on the assumption I didn't, that's where it stands.
Why do I love this so much? Because it's a very specific character quirk of a character I adore. I'm very fond of his repetition. Thank you.
#GTF Vesperia Things#GTF Yuri Things#so glad I gave him his own tag jpfjugDFJISHFG he fuckin' needs it#OH ALSO note that I may or may not have (I genuinely don't know I don't THIIIINK I did?) accidentally picked up#the “but then" etc variant of ja. at this point I don't remember and I'd have to go back through my doc of this#bc I was skim-combing the script juggling several phrases mainly for ma. if I ever do a recount I'll confirm lol#also shoutout to Rays for using ま/まあ 68 times for him which is 4 more times than he uses it in Vesp arc 1 main story#I'm both thankful and amazed that Rays' writers ACTUALLY kept it to the correct general extent at large (when you consider the size of#both games and Yuri's role) I've always expressed how dedicated they are to the source material of the legacy chars but#that CEMENTED it LOL. the way they retain speech quirks for legacy chars is amazing and I applaud them#he uses おい / おいおい 54 times throughout Rays#おっと was used 10 times throughout Rays which is hilariously almost identical to Vesp's usage#んじゃ they did keep but I didn't count the amount of times#now MIND YOU Rays is split into 4 arcs prior to Recollection (which he's not in) and has to contend with about 200ish legacy characters#Yuri is largely in arc 4 and has a large chunk of appearances in arc 2#he's mostly absent from arc 3 after the beginning of it and he's not in arc 1 much after the first chapter (which is his chapter)#he does show up in a lot of skits early into Rays tho since they only had so many chars to work with for arc 1 skits#and I also included count of those phrases in events (both skits and events throughout the game)#WHAT I'M SAYING is that Rays still managed to retain his word choice repetitiveness#and managed to get the count that high which is a very accurate reflection of it#while trying to put about 200 legacy chars through a revolving door#they were THAT on the nose with Yuri's quirks and further cements that this is a very Yuri thing#and a character quirk choice that was brought in from the game of origin#and they DID do this with other chars not just him... but the fact that they DID to me means#they thought it was important enough of a quirk to make sure they didn't lose it in his dialogue#WHICH. I AGREE. I AM VERY VERY DEEPLY PLEASED THEY KEPT IT#it just goes to show how dedicated they were in faithfully translating the characters into a gacha game#(not tl in the loc sense but tl in the ''writing a char outside their origin game for a non-origin game appearance'')#it also proved my theory that Yuri's vocal repetition was done intentionally bc they found it part of him enough to carry it over#anyway yeah i have yuri lowell brainrot and he pretty much owns 98 percent of the real estate in my brain these days
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one of these days i'm going to write up all that i've changed from azzarello's bullshit era and the one (1) piece i've kept from milligan (and also changed) and the only thing currently stopping me is that it is going to be so, so inside-baseball incomprehensible. and i almost never want to go reading/screencapping azzarello and milligan to add references but i Want to add references.
canon is goop, just know that we continue to ride the bus down "hellblazer ended at #250 and looks like swiss cheese before that" street.
#( ooc. ) OUT OF CIGS.#i'm doing page maintenance before i fuck off to work rip it's got me thinking#anyway i think i said WAY back on this blog that a side goal of mine is to make hellblazer lore accessible to non-comic readers where i can#bc it's such a Heavy comic & i love it so much & i always felt Terrible recommending it to people only for them to be disgusted#and like. @ past me that particular goal is NOT as easy as you thought it would be lmao#esp because i have a habit of getting VERY detail-oriented when it comes to talking about hellblazer i think#but by GOD it's still a goal. i can put in some motherfucking references here and there when i talk about The Lore#like. azzarello's writing style never translates well for me in synopsis bc he Loves to put the audience in the outside perspective#where we are bystanders/with the rest of the bystanders to constantine's actions and not to his motivations/inner monologue#and i HATE that. hellblazer has ALWAYS been about what this guy has going on underneath the masked exterior#all the things you can't say out loud when you're queer and working class trying to survive in 70s-80s-90s england#but that you FEEL with your WHOLE fucking chest. how that feeling drives you to enjoy little rebellions wherever you can get them#(also azzarello just fucking Sucks LMAO but i'm talking style rn)#so i end up relying on frusin's art to tell the story a little more bc i think he understands the Theatre of constantine's public persona#and when that theatre is Absent then it's really REALLY noticeable. so frusin keeps me in it most of the time#and if i'm digging into frusin art then i'm Going to want to compare it to older panels bc i like body language consistency#milligan on the other hand has NOTHING to save his sorry ass bc his writing is drop-jaw fucking terrible AND the artist seems to like it#but the loss of john's thumb being tied to his mental health (ignoring the bullshit with shade) has always felt. important to me somehow id#anyway MUCH thinking about my favorite loser on this about-to-be-annoying day shdjksd he has been done so dirty#hellblazer brain go brrrr
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i'm a whole ass 1k behind my daily goal so far and what am i doing? well it's not writing
#in my defense my head's still killing me even with 800mg of ibuprofen but also i'm trying to make text messages for the fic#even tho that's not important at all 💀#and a waste of time bc i can't get them to look good </3#ben.txt#writing tag
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You want to know how bad my memory is?
I was writing last night and I just straight up forgot that Sanji exists. I have been watching this show since 2012, he was my fave Strawhat outside of Luffy pre-TS, and I FORGOT HE EXISTED.
I was like 'hm yes well the ones who would understand are Nami and Robin... W- wasn't there one more I was thinking of a moment ago? Wasn't there another one who'd Get It?????'
'it's not Chopper. Definitely not Usopp. And it's not Zoro. That's all the remaining Strawhats at this point in the story. So... Why am I convinced I'm forgetting someone? Let's go through the arcs in my head agai- OH MY GOD, I FORGOT SANJI'
#When I tell you my memory is shit... 😭 I used to own a Sanji shirt. What the fuck??#When that post about the memory issues finally leaves my queue#Like I joke about it but this shit can be genuinely terrifying. Like knowing my brain is getting worse. Knowing I'm probably forgetting#Seriously important things and just 'oops I can't remember haha'#It's scary.#I'll never get better because I'll just relive the pain over and over because my brain refuses to remember the help and progress I make#Every day I wake up back at step 1 it's so depressing and scary and horrifying and I hate it#I can never process anything bc I just forget and if I do remember it's like a punch to the chest for the first time every time#And people get SO sick of you after a while. Constantly asking for help. Never remembering anything. They get so annoyed with you.#Anyway. On a lighter note (not actually) I'm trying out a new one-shot :)#Not to speak ill of the 'soon-to-be' dead but Garp was a shit grandfather#So I was like What If Me And Luffy Had The Same Reaction#Because self love starts in recognizing your self through the other god damn it#Even if I finish this idk if I'll post it bc of how personal it is but it has been very cathartic to write#Then again I could just publish it anonymously so my irl friends won't see it. No harm no foul.#I (kid) once pushed my mom (grown adult) out of my room when she caused me to have a meltdown so I could 100% see Luffy doing the same thin#In my defense she had a habit of taunting me and destroying my stuff to punish me after inciting meltdowns and I just wanted to be alone#I was like 7 years old at the time (hell year hell year) so I doubt I actually hurt her. She just looked surprised. I remember that.#Sometimes I wonder why I identify so much with werewolves and then I remember ah yes. The childhood of being treated like a monster.#Like a freak because when people kept pushing your boundaries you'd rather bite than let them do whatever they want to you#Oh boo hoo such a terrible thing for a child to be... Protective of themselves...#ANYWAY. like I said this wasn't going to be much lighter.#I want Luffy to punch the lights out of Garp to protect his friends. Not even in-canon just in this fic#Ik in-canon Garp is a complex guy and loads of fans love him but... Smash eggs make sandwiches know what I'm saying?#Yeah GROOVY
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I'm writing an analysis essay on the Thomas opinion from Dobbs v. Jackson, with a five page length requirement and a due date of one hour from now. I already have two pages, but I've just restructured the whole framework and I'm basically going to have to rewrite it.
I have soooo many thoughts but I just lack the motivation to actually articulate everything and it's so fuckinggg frustratinggggg
#anyway#i'm writing about the glucksberg test and how that relates to thomas's suggestion of applying the basis of dobbs to other decisions#especially connecting to obergefell and its disregard for how glucksberg determined qualifications for substantive due process#i find it really interesting and important#and i have an excess of thoughts#but AGAINNNNN#ach#the actually putting it on paper in a way that makes sense#there's always so many thoughts and connections in my head but they're based so much on what inherently makes sense to me#that when i try to put it into words in a way that will connect outside of my head#i fail immensely#at least wihout revision and an excess of time#which i -- eheheheh -- do not have#that's why i like writing subjective shit like poetry bc if nobody else gets it that's fine it's not about them#i just need a good grade on this#and even if i didn't i wouldn't want to do the topic and its complexities wrong#i just#ah#boink
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i should've switched to writing original stuff ages ago bc i could've been overcoming writer's block if i did :' )
#connecting mine and vee's lore in written form is something i've wanted to do forever bc i love love love gaia and kaiya's relationship!!#but i had a mental block towards bio's for... man i dunno how long tbh#i always got really stuck with them which is why i started doing bullet points where i could jot down all my thoughts#but i should have just?? been unafraid to write lengthy bio's i think#and then i could've done fun stuff like this way earlier!! without feeling stuck and slow!!#like honestly i don't even care about the people who won't bother to read my bio's bc those probably aren't the people who will#end up writing with me#i always avoided lengthy bio's bc i didn't wanna inconvenience someone#but how is it inconveniencing if i'm trying to make something interesting and enjoyable to read?#how is it inconveniencing if i'm just?? writing about my muses?? it's silly to water down my creativity and i'm sorry i did it now#now pls know i can give you the tldr on any of my muses bio if you need it asdfgh but i'm gonna just!! do what's fun for me from now on#that's gonna be a very important rule i need to enforce for myself with this blog move#no more doing things that make it harder for myself bc i'm worried about other people#there needs to be a balance and that's what i'm gonna keep in mind going forward uvu#so sorry for the rant oh my gosh asdfgh i just got to thinking and truly my writer's block has not bothered me with dorverold stuff#like it has in the past for other things and i think it's how i've approached writing and world building aka not worrying about length#if i'm struggling it's because i'm tired or busy#ANYWAY ASDFG i promise i'm going to bed now :' ))) good night!!#get ready to ramble | ooc
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too many thoughts about Alya and Kirsta today
#starlightwip#or rather. the same few thoughts just continuing to take up headspace#all jumbled in my late night brain#I usually try really hard to just write what I want without being worried about a hypothetical bad-faith audience#but yikes idk how I could write them the way I want without being accused of queerbaiting#they're so important to each other they love each other they tell each other secrets they share a bed#The way I want to write them...kiss each other's hands. tender and true#are they ''romantically'' involved? no#it's like. the whole thing being about the intensity of teenage friendships#and the way they are perfectly situated to bond so intimately#best friends in the half-my-heart sort of way#listen it's because each of them is half Me#and when Alya does wrong it's Kirsta she worries the most about losing. And it's Kirsta's forgiveness that saves her#people always talk about how they want friendships to be treated as important as romantic relationships#but yikes I'm trying and I just feel like people are going to get mad at me#not that this is a valid worry atm bc like. girl you haven't even finished the book
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woah i. wrote a lot.
#to me friend ^^ yk the. that one. i ended up writing several paragraphs . I'M RLLY GLAD W MYSELF WAHHH 😭😭#there's sm i don't know yet though but i managed to. say at least a lot of what i've been meaning to say for a long time#i think i managed it maturely !!!! i reached out i'm so happy.#i want the best for my friend. n. yeah there's so much communication lacking but for now i think she needs space for herself#hopefully. sometime when all four of us r free we can. be direct w each other? yeah.#i'm. actually. mostly proud of how i'm handling this. hdfkajsdkfl wish i cld do so much more but..#yeah. this isn't enough. but i've taken a step at least. know i cld still do better but.#there's. rlly a lot i want to say. but. i think when we're all not quite as busy i'll try to yk. set a time where we can all talk#irl hopefully. hdjafsldf i rlly hope my words reached out to her tho :c#wish i cld still do more but i have my limits too n though i rlly try my best to be kind bcs i really mean it unconditionally#i have my boundaries.#i can't emphasize enough just how important it is to be able to do things for your own self so you can apply it to the rest of the world.#so.. i'll. say it outright here. i can't handle this on my own. all four of us have to put effort in it.#so. this seems a bit clearer at least. thankfully. aghhh i wrote a lot but i want to comfort her more directly too#i want to do. so much for each person in life i think i need to set more boundaries for myself or i'll get overwhelmed#n then it's not like every friendship has to have everything yk? but.#hdjaflsdfs no bcs for this. specifically rn. i care a lot for her she's one of my best friends after all n. for nearly 7 years#i know at least one of the things i rlly need in those sort of close friendships is. yk we can open up to each other n be honest#being honest at least. when it comes to venting i know i can just do that more on social media or. online friends#like when i say online friends btw 😭 i basically consider them irl friends n i value them very very much but#for the sake of. yk. we don't know each other irl irl so just difference in label. not the value n meaning it has for me.#so. yeah w ^^ we don't rlly share similar beliefs n views which is honestly pretty draining for me#so at the very least. hopefully sometime this/next month we can at least be direct abt that? to communicate so we can understand#i can understand ppl well enough like. uh. i'm good at piecing things tgther but there's so much gaps without direct communication#i can't guess all the time. but yk one thing abt myself that i'm. at least happy w is that. yk. i. can open up when needed#okay like it's hard when i have to do it directly to another person for my own sake but in this context w my friend. yes i can. 👍#that said though oh dear other than this. friend stuff rn there's also more i'm worried abt bcs. school. assignments. yeah#which i'll be able to do but i'm still a bit. stressed. n then for prom 10 per table but we're only 9 n we're all stags 😭😭#wanted at least to have my ^^ friend w me bcs. despite these stuff yk we're still friends :c but she's going w a partner yeah#n then there's more personal stuff too.. there's. a lot. too much to write. but i'll manage.
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