#this is how i'm coping with remembering how INSANE that ending makes me feel

[wolfboywarmachines]

the bug on my wall when i'm trying to sleep at 3am

[ahundredtimesover]

I Want You to Stay (01) | JJK

Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader

Genre/Tags: boss!JK x assistant!reader; idiot strangers to lovers; slow slow burn; k-drama feels; angst, drama, fluff, smut

Chapter (Series) Warnings: foul/explicit language; alcohol consumption & passing out, unhealthy coping mechanisms; family drama; minor injuries; power dynamics (JK starts off as a jerk); work-related anxiety, feelings of helplessness, insecurities; childhood traumatic experiences, nightmares; sexual harassment, prior incidence of domestic violence (PLS PLS BE CAREFUL WHEN READING); arts and business/property devt talk that’s probably inaccurate; commitment issues & emotionally constipated characters; cold and detached JK; explicit sexual content (specific warnings stated per chapter) (18+)

Chapter Word count: 12k

Series Masterlist

Status: Ongoing

Series summary: Working for Jungkook isn’t the same as working for Hoseok. For starters, Jungkook doesn’t smile, he doesn’t appreciate you, and he gives you too much work. It doesn’t help that he’s incredibly handsome and has women at his beck and call. But as the tension grows, it becomes impossible to resist him. You’ve dedicated yourself to your job for 8 years so when you finally decide to put yourself first, he asks you to reconsider. And while you know that leaving is difficult, you learn that when it comes to Jungkook, staying is always so much harder.

Playlist 🎶: on the way home

A/N: Happy 2024, everyone! 🎉 Dropping this tonight as a welcome to the new year and the start of the wild journey that is this story. It's a different JK that I'm used to writing. It's also a different arrangement for me as the story is still being written, so just a heads up that updates won't be as regular compared to before, but they'll definitely come (pls don't come at me hehe 😁)! This is also a painfully slow build-up with lots of details and office talk so please be patient! I don’t know how this will turn out and be revived but I hope you enjoy! 💕

Also my biggest thanks to @wonwoonlight as always 🥰

Jung Hoseok’s smile is like a ray of sunshine - warm on cool mornings, radiant on sunny afternoons. It’s light and infectious, but more than anything, it’s genuine. There’s comfort in the way his entire face beams and how the rest of his body follows; there’s this sense of openness that makes it easy to be around him, that makes it easy to work for him.

It was 10 years ago when you first encountered that smile - bright and encouraging as he welcomed you and the rest of the interns to his family’s company. It slowly dissolved the anxiety you were feeling over being 1 of 12 chosen students to work for one of the leading real estate and property development corporations in the country. You’d see it again two years later as an employee, and you recall how he perked up at the sight of you, having remembered those eight weeks you spent preparing the conference room for their meetings and serving the executives their coffee. 

You wouldn’t have expected that five years after that, you’d be seeing that smile everyday as his executive assistant, and it was one of the things that made the job bearable. Despite the long hours and the amount of work you had to do and events you had to accompany him to, working for Hoseok always felt worth it. Despite the insane amount of pressure he was put under and the stress he had to endure, Hoseok somehow always managed to smile. 

He was serious when he had to be, but there was joy in how he did things. He allowed himself moments of calm, of time to check in on his support team for a few laughs. He’d spare himself a few minutes a day to sway to the soft music he plays in his office, he’d preside over meetings with vigor, and he’d start and end every interaction with anyone with that smile - the same smile that assures you that all your hard work is appreciated and which encourages you to keep learning.

It’s that same smile that he has on right now, as he hands you a custom-made cake with ‘you worked hard’ written on it. He says the words as your eyes turn to him in surprise. 

“Thank you for all that you’ve done,” Hoseok says. “I know you were new to the role just like I was but you made everything so easy for me. I’m gonna have to get used to being without your brilliance, Ms. Cho. I hope you never doubt yourself ever again.”

Your astonished face turns into a pout, as it dawns on you that it’s Friday, the first unofficial day of you no longer being Hoseok’s executive assistant, given his appointment as President not long ago. Yet despite the big change he’ll be experiencing starting next week, he’s the one affirming and comforting you, something that’s rare for someone of his stature and something you’ll definitely miss. 

“You know I don’t cry, but I just might,” you respond, earning you a chuckle. “But really, I… I can’t thank you enough for taking a chance on me. I know my credentials weren’t like the others but—”

“Ms. Cho,” he interjects. “The only credentials those other applicants had were the universities they went to, but none of them matched your level of skill and dedication to the role. I can assure you that none of them would’ve managed the past three years like you did. I should be thanking you for dealing with all the craziness with me.”

“You’re a good boss, it’s that simple,” you return the compliment now. “You were patient with me and challenged me to be better without putting me down. That does a lot for a person’s confidence, you know?”

“I know that now,” he smiles again. “But really, I don’t think I could’ve asked for a more competent right-hand woman. Jungkook’s lucky he’s taking my position with the most capable assistant to help him out.”

At the mention of the man’s name, your face sours, something that Hoseok picks up, earning you another laugh. 

“Not a fan of him, I see,” he eyes you curiously.

“I don’t mean any disrespect, Mr. Jung, but your cousin is not you,” you explain. “I may have only seen him a handful of times but those are enough to let me know that he does not smile.”

“Yes, I do confirm that,” Hoseok chuckles. “Jungkook’s quite the perfectionist and very much a workaholic. But he’s brilliant and creative and you’ll learn a lot from him, too. He’s being primed to co-lead the company with me and he needs a strong support for that and I think that’s you. His father thinks that’s you, and for the CEO to think so means a lot, ___. Uncle has seen how you work and was adamant that you remain in this role, especially with his son assuming the Vice President position.”

You know that Hoseok means to reassure you, but you suppose your insecurities over having this role and even being in this company won’t ever really go away. You didn’t graduate from a prestigious university in Seoul like most employees here did, and in this society, that usually means everything. You’re thankful for the trust that you’ve been given and you agree that you worked hard for it, too, but it will always be overwhelming; even then, it sometimes still feels undeserved. 

At your silence, Hoseok speaks again. “___, as your former boss and as your friend, I’m here to back you up. Jungkook’s family but if he, for some reason, acts like a hard-headed jerk, you let me know, okay?”

He turns serious now, as he silently asks for you to promise him that you’ll speak out if you need to. Hoseok knows what you went through under Mrs. Byun, the former manager who abused her power over you until her own slip-up caused her downfall years later, and he doesn’t want you to go through that again. 

“Okay. But I didn’t mean to imply that he’s a jerk just because he doesn’t smile,” you clarify. “I guess I meant to say that… I’ll miss working for you. That’s all. We somehow always got a laugh in, no matter how stressful things were. I’ll miss being with A-yeong, too.”

“I know you also meant to say that I’m the best boss you’ve ever had,” Hoseok chuckles, though you don’t miss the sadness in his eyes, too. “But I’ll just be two floors above you. You’ll still see me everywhere. And A-yeong’s gonna miss you, too, that’s why she can’t let you go without having dinner out, that I’m apparently not invited to.”

“We’re just gonna gossip about you, don’t worry,” you tease, appreciative of the fact that his wife has been kind to you all these years, apologizing to you on his behalf during the rare times he’s cranky, and gifting you little things from their trips abroad. “But thank you again, Hoseok,” you continue, dropping the formalities when you mean to speak to him as a friend, because that’s what he is, and it’s a rarity in this industry where those in power tend to take advantage of those below them. “You’ve treated me well, and I’ll never forget that.” 

“Thank you, ___,” he smiles once more. “I’ll finish setting up my new office now. I’ll see you there in 30 minutes, okay? I know Jungkook officially starts on Monday but he wanted to get all the administrative stuff out of the way as soon as possible and since my old room is being sanitized, he’ll be staying at mine the whole morning. HR has everything he needs to sign so please get those documents from them before heading to my office.”

“Oh, so he’s coming today?” You ask, unable to hide the mix of surprise and disappointment in your voice. You’re clearly uninformed about this. “Didn’t he just arrive last night?”

“Yes, he did. I thought he’d at least spend today resting but no, he called me an hour ago to say he’ll drop by this morning so he can get straight to business on his first day,” Hoseok explains, shaking his head at the thought of his cousin wanting to get straight to work. “I know it’s short notice so you don’t need to brief him or anything yet. You’ve been buried in organizing all my files this past week after all.” 

“Okay, but I’ve got everything organized for him already anyway in case he wants to start,” you say, having prepared all the documents he’d need to ease into his role more smoothly, knowing it’s your job to help him with that. 

“Of course you have,” Hoseok chuckles, impressed as always with how on top you are of everything. “I’ll see you in half an hour.”

You sulk in your seat once he’s out of view, whining internally because much as your files are ready for your new boss, you’re the one who isn’t. You’d held off on mentally preparing yourself for meeting the Jeon Jungkook, second son of the current CEO of Jeon Corporation and the new Vice President, thinking you’d have the entire weekend for that, so you’re caught off guard at having to face him today. It’s one thing to move on from no longer having Jung Hoseok as your boss - that itself took you months to process and accept; it’s another to have to get used to assisting someone else, someone you know is completely different in attitude and approach to his work.

Jungkook used to be an executive in the Singapore office, the Southeast Asian headquarters of the company. In your three years as Hoseok’s assistant, you’d only seen Jungkook a few times, such as when he’d fly to Seoul for an official visit or a family gathering but you never interacted, as you didn’t really have a reason to, especially since you were always busy with making sure the event was running smoothly. 

But you’d definitely noticed him, partly because the female staff always talked about him when he was around, and partly because next to his parents and his cousins, who are all personable in their own ways, Jungkook sticks out like a sore thumb. You’re not exaggerating when you say that you’ve never seen him smile - not for the pictures and not when he’s talking to the other executives and employees, a contrast to his father’s infectious charm and his mother’s youthful energy.

You’ve gotten used to Hoseok’s passion balanced with his thoughtfulness and joy - you always enjoyed the videos that A-yeong would show you of their weekends doing ballroom dancing because it’s what he loved to do with her. You’re unsure how you’ll manage assisting someone who’s the complete opposite. You’ve heard of Jungkook’s abilities though; his father always spoke of them with pride. Creative and innovative, he’d say of his son, but he always lived in his head, too, and perhaps that’s why even if he can socialize with others, he prefers not to, given that you’d always seen him at the bar after said events, drinking on his own.

You didn’t think those times that you’d one day be having him as your boss. You didn’t expect the appointments to come this soon, nor did you expect to still be in the company by the time they happened. But here you are, about to meet him and hoping to the heavens that whatever preconceived notions you have of him based on what very little you know would be proven wrong. 

Wanting to calm yourself down before meeting him, you head to the management support team’s office for a cup of tea in the pantry, but you’re stopped by Do-hyun, one of the project assistants. 

She hugs you like she always does, even if you rarely ever return it, and she whines like you expect her to, given her unusually pouty face. 

“It’s only been an hour but I already miss Mr. Jung,” she laments. “Why did they appoint him as President so soon? They could’ve waited for another year or so, or at least let him take us with him!”

You find yourself being the reasonable one this time, as you pull her away from you so you could talk to her properly. 

“We always knew he was going to be President, Do-hyun. But then the Board decided to make Ji-woo head of the Singapore office after their uncle stepped down, and that meant Hoseok had to take his sister’s place,” you explain, knowing how generational corporations like this work, with family members rotating in the executive positions. “And much as he’d like to take us with him, the position already comes with its own team. He’s just two floors above us, though. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if we popped in every once in a while to say hi.”

“No, I’m bitter,” she pouts again, earning her a laugh from you.

“Well, at least the new Vice President isn’t a stranger,” Manager Lee chimes in. 

“I heard the CEO’s son doesn’t smile,” Do-hyun counters. “How do we go from assisting someone who literally gives all of us the energy to work each day, to someone who doesn’t think there’s anything worth being happy about? I also heard he’s a workaholic, so what if he demands that we can’t leave the office until he does? And that he’s kind of a fuck boy, so what if he has a scandal that we have to—” 

“Yah! Those are just hearsay, and we don’t listen to those,” you warn her, not wanting the team to start on a bad note because of some rumors about your new boss that may or may not be true. 

And if those are, it’s your job to make sure that those are handled properly and that there’s no friction between the management support team and the Vice President. The thought suddenly hits you and you feel nauseous. You’ve never had these worries with Hoseok because he always prioritized the team - he made sure that tasks were properly delegated, that you all took your well-deserved break, that you weren’t burnt out, that you all knew he got your back the way you all got his. 

But then again, it’s natural to be anxious about change, especially when what you had was already the best it could’ve been. And much as you were the one worrying about this earlier, you’re now the one who has to reassure the team, especially the younger members, that things are going to be okay. 

“You’ll meet him soon, and I’ll make sure he’s properly oriented with everything before he sits down with you all,” you say. “Let’s just be optimistic about this, okay? Manager Lee has been here a while and he can guide all of us when it comes to adapting to changes like this.”

The rest of the team nods, voicing their agreement about being open and welcoming to your new boss. 

“Okay, good. Now let me get my tea before I combust,” you chuckle, heading towards the adjacent room. 

You’re busy taking breaths in between sips of your hot drink when you see a familiar face in the room through the glass window, prompting you to head back outside.

“Mr. Ri,” you greet, causing the man before you to turn towards you. “What are you doing here? Does Mr. Jeon need anything?” 

Knowing you’re referring to the elder Jeon, Mr. Ri shakes his head. 

“I’m here as Jungkook’s chauffeur and bodyguard, actually. His father appointed me, wanting people he trusts to help his son,” he clarifies. “I’ve just driven him from his penthouse.”

“Oh,” you say, unable to control the way your face falls a little. “So, he’s here.”

“He is. He said he wanted to get things done today so he doesn’t waste his time when he starts next week. He’s at Hoseok’s office right now. I believe he’s supposed to sign some documents?”

“Oh shit,” you blurt out, immediately setting down your half-finished tea and rushing out the door to speed-walk to your desk, ignoring Mr. Ri’s demand for you to slow down. 

With what little you know of your new boss, he seems like the type to not excuse tardiness, so you take your files, head to HR to retrieve some documents, and then proceed to Hoseok’s office. You try to catch your breath as you head towards the door, which opens before you get to knock, revealing Bitna, the President’s assistant, who greets you with a sweet smile. 

“Hi, ___. I was just about to call you,” she says. “CEO Jeon is inside as well. Just walk in, they’re waiting for you.”

You cross the small hallway as the door gently closes, and you stop in your tracks the moment you hear Jungkook’s voice.

“I still prefer my old assistant,” he says, obviously displeased. “He was very organized, highly educated, and well-traveled. While this Ms. Cho didn’t even study in a top university in Seoul. And Hoseok says she doesn’t know any other foreign languages when that’s one of my requirements.”

“Son, you’re being too harsh,” CEO Jeon chides. “Ms. Cho is a top performing employee, very hardworking and dedicated. She’s worked here for eight years and she imbibes all our values; she knows the company culture and knows the ins and outs of things with how she’s been exposed to them. Ask your cousin; Hoseok speaks highly of her.”

“___ is great, Kook. She’s incredibly organized and highly analytical and observant. She doesn’t need a Seoul education to be good at what we need her to be good at,” Hoseok argues. 

“I still want my old assistant. It’s more convenient that way. Lucas already knows how I work and what I require of him,” Jungkook insists. “I’m just saying that I need things to be efficient and she and I can’t be adjusting to each other when there are multiple projects that I’d much rather give my attention to.”

“And I’m saying that Ms. Cho probably knows more than you do when it comes to these projects,” the elder Jeon counters. “Plus, your old assistant would have to adjust to life in Seoul and that’s harder. It’s just not practical, especially since you’re due to start in a few days. You have other things to worry about. ___ is there to make your life easier. Give her that chance to do her job.”

“But I—”

“Good morning, gentlemen,” you greet, not wanting to hear whatever unfounded things that Jungkook has to say, even if you have your own preconceived notions about him which, you remind yourself, are partly founded. Barely five minutes in and you already can’t stand his judgmental and entitled ass. 

You walk towards the middle of the room where they’re congregated on the couches, with the elder Mr. Jeon and Hoseok smiling at you while Jungkook merely glances at you, his jaw clenched, perhaps irritated at the fact that you’d overheard him completely misjudge and undermine your abilities without even knowing who you are.

“Good morning, Ms. Cho,” CEO Jeon says. “I know you’ve seen him a few times but I’d like you to officially meet my son and the new Vice President, Jungkook.”

Jungkook turns to you with a disinterested look but he doesn’t meet your eyes. You bow as a sign of respect, even if it’s the last thing you think he deserves.  

“My pleasure, Mr. Jeon,” you respond. “I was told that you’d like to proceed with administrative matters this morning. I have all the documents with me and I can explain each one to you before you sign them. I’ve also consolidated all the things you need to know prior to your meetings next week,” you add, handing him an iPad. “This has the resumes of each member of your management support team, including their professional and development goals. Mine are there as well, so you can read about my credentials and achievements in this company the past eight years, which I think have tremendously helped me in performing my duties satisfactorily. There’s also a folder of team profiles of each of the departments you’re overseeing. You’ll also find closure reports of completed projects from the past five years, progress reports of ongoing projects, and approved and working proposals of upcoming ones. I’ve included summaries and key figures for each of them. You may read them prior to your meetings, and if there’s anything missing that you’d like me to include, I can have them ready by the end of the day.”

“Hmm,” Jungkook hums, as he scrolls through all the folders you’ve prepared for him.

In your periphery, you can see the other two men holding in smiles as you seemingly render the younger man speechless, but while he assesses all that you’ve provided to him, you’re given time to observe the man seated before you. Other than his slightly longer hair, not much has changed from when you saw Jungkook in last year’s gala. 

As he drags his tongue across the inside of his cheek with his scrunched eyebrows in judgment, you’re reminded that this is the first time you’ve seen him up close. And even from his angle, you can tell. 

He’s unfairly handsome. 

He’s got dark expressive eyes, soft-looking pink lips, and a sharp jawline that complement his lean figure. You understand why the staff are enamored by him even from afar and - if the rumors about him are true - why women would shoot their shot with him at clubs, in hopes they’d be the lucky one he’d choose to be with for the night.

The illusion breaks, though, as he turns to you with a hardened gaze. 

“I’m sure I’ll find something that’s missing,” he states.

“If they’re relevant and necessary, I can have the files ready by today,” you respond, knowing full well that you’ve included every possible document that would be of use to him. 

“I’ll be the judge of what’s relevant and necessary, Ms. Cho,” he counters. 

“Of course, Mr. Jeon,” you say, conceding. “Whatever it is, then I’ll make sure to have them ready for you as soon as possible.”

Jungkook hums in response, turning his attention to the HR documents this time, breezing through the text and ignoring your brief explanations of the contents before signing at the bottom of the pages. You inform him of sections he’s missed, and he groans at having been corrected but you don’t mind. He’s the one who chose to do all this now and in here, in front of his father and his cousin.

Once he’s done, he hands you the signed files and holds your gaze. “Is there anything else, Ms. Cho?”

“I suppose that is all, Mr. Jeon. Unless there are other things you want to assess, or people you want to ensure are qualified to assist you with your functions,” you say. 

Jungkook huffs in displeasure. You can sense the tension build, as irritation paints his face. It’s at that moment that his father chimes in, suggesting that you introduce him to his team.

“You can maybe also orient him on the current projects and partnerships,” the older man says. 

“That can wait. I’ve had enough of engaging for today,” Jungkook responds, his voice cold, detached. 

“In that case, let me lead you to your floor, Mr. Jeon.”

You step back and wait for him to walk ahead, before you excuse yourself from the older men. You don’t miss the sorry looks on their faces, and you give them a smile as if to say that it’s fine, that Jungkook’s someone you can handle, and his obvious displeasure towards having you as his assistant doesn’t faze you. It doesn’t change the fact that you wish he wasn’t your boss though, or at least, that he wasn’t such a jerk like what he’s being right now.

Walking behind him as you both head towards the elevator, you see the way he carries himself - hands in the pockets of his sleek black trousers, his eyes focused straight ahead, nothing like Hoseok who was always gesticulating as he spoke to you every time you walked side-by-side from one place to another.    

Jungkook stands in front of the doors, seemingly waiting for you to press the buttons and you do it before he could even express his annoyance. You stand in front this time, then make sure you hold the doors open for him to exit, and you resume your spot behind him as you walk down the hallway. 

“On the left are two small meeting rooms and one conference room,” you start, thankful that there’s not much to tour him around on this floor, given that everything is exclusive to the Vice President. “On the right is a seating room, and up ahead is an archive room. Down the—”

“I’ve been here before, Ms. Cho,” Jungkook interjects as he looks at you blankly. “This is my family’s building; I’m very much aware of how the floors look like.”

Not rattled by his disruption, you nod and smile, wanting to show him that whatever intimidation or humiliation he’s trying to make you feel isn’t gonna work on you. You know if you show any sign of frustration, that will just give him a reason to have you replaced and despite your clear dislike for the man, you need this job, especially this position that allows you to pay your rent in a safe part of town and send money to your family every month. At this point, that’s the only thing that will keep you going.

Approaching the management support office, you walk faster and make sure to enter the room before he does, signaling the team with your eyes that their new boss is coming, your silently frantic gaze telling them to be on their best behavior because their usual antics won’t work on Jungkook the way they did with Hoseok. 

Once Jungkook appears, everyone bows and greets him, and you can sense them holding their breaths as they look up, taking him all in. You see him eye each person, and you can tell he’s already assessing them individually. You take it upon yourself to introduce each one, stating their name, where they studied and what course they took, describing their primary role in the team and their specific strengths. You see him follow your words, nodding and humming as you go, and you think he’s processing the information and making sure he remembers them. 

There are no pleasantries; Jungkook just goes straight to the point. 

“I’m sure you have concerns about having a new boss and the changes that come along with it. But I’m here to tell you now that you should get over whatever those are, as I’d like the adjustment period to be as short as possible,” he starts. “My cousin is brilliant at his job and so am I, but we work very differently, so whatever you got used to doing with and for him, don’t expect the same with me. I demand excellence and efficiency from each one of you because that’s what I commit myself to and that’s the only way that this team will be able to do its job. Am I clear?”

“Yes, sir,” the team answers in unison. 

“We commit to those as well, Mr. Jeon,” Manager Lee says. “As the head of your support team, I will make sure that all our deliverables are of high quality and that things will run smoothly so that we may properly do our job of assisting you.”

“That’s good, and that’s what I expect,” Jungkook says, nodding at everyone before walking out the door to head to his office, with you trailing him from behind. 

“Is my room still being sanitized?” He turns to you. 

“Yes, sir.”

“Why did it need to be sanitized? And why today?”

“It’s protocol, sir. We also had a sendoff for Mr. Jung yesterday so the room smelled of food. And he instructed for this to be done today so that I don’t need to come here tomorrow, as he doesn’t like any of his staff working during the weekend,” you reply. “This should be finished this afternoon. I’ve also purchased the oil for your diffusers. The room will be ready for you by Monday.”

Jungkook merely hums and looks around, specifically at your designated area with your desk and shelves at the back, then takes a call before turning to you again to say that he’s heading out to meet his friends.

“Is there anything else you need, Mr. Jeon?” You ask, thankful that you don’t have to deal with him for the rest of the day.

“No.”

“Okay then, sir. I’ll meet you at your apartment at 6:30 AM on Monday. Is that time alright?”

“Sure,” he responds, then turns around and starts walking out. “Just keep your phone on. I work during the weekend.”

He’s gone before you can even respond, and you rush to the support office once you’ve heard the elevator ding that indicates that he’s gone. When you get there, you’re greeted with everyone’s frowns, with Do-hyun close to tears.

“I don’t like him, ___. He looks so unapproachable and too serious!” She complains. “I miss Mr. Jung. Is there an opening in his team? Should I just resign?”

“Aish!” You reprimand her. “Don’t speak like that. And don’t let those few minutes determine everything for you.”

“Well, those few minutes are enough to tell me that I don’t like him. No matter how good-looking he is,” Chin-sun says.

“He is, right!” Do-hyun chirps now, a complete 180 from seconds ago. “I’ve seen him around but I didn’t think he’d be even more handsome up close! It just sucks that he’s a grinch and that makes all the difference. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t have a girlfriend! He’s probably too snobby and—”

“Yah! You really need to stop it with those rumors,” you scold her this time. “That’s your boss. His personal life is none of our business. Where do you even hear these things?”

“Every washroom in this building, basically. Staff are always gossiping there, you know?” Do-hyun responds. 

“And since when do we listen to gossip,” you scowl at her. “Sure, he’s not our favorite person right now but we don’t have the right to make claims about aspects of his life. And where are people even getting those ideas!”

“People talk, I guess,” she shrugs. “And he’s often spotted in clubs with those Kim brothers so maybe they see things. I’m not saying they’re all accurate… just that rumors often have some truth to them, you know?”

“No, I don’t, and we shouldn’t be sticking our noses in places where they shouldn’t be,” you say.

“Fine, but it’s just a heads up,” Do-hyun says, turning serious now. “You’re his executive assistant, and you have no choice but to stick your nose in places because personal and professional lines are often blurred in your situation, and that’s just how our world’s set up.”

“She’s right,” Chin-sun chimes in. “I mean, you need to know his personal schedule, go to his apartment, do errands if you need to, maybe buy a box of condoms if he runs out… You just got lucky that Mr. Jung’s pretty chill and has a wife who’s even nicer than he is. Your only problem was that he was damn scared of everything that moved and wasn't human.”

You’d laugh at the last statement if you could, but you know they’re both right. Hoseok wasn’t perfect, and neither was his marriage, but it never reached a point where you had to be put in a compromising position because you were his assistant who, by nature of your work, had to be privy to some of his personal matters. The most involved you were was when he and A-yeong had an argument and they used you as their messenger, but even that was more of a miscommunication issue than anything serious. They apologized to you after and promised to never put you in that kind of situation again.

But with Jungkook as a single man, you’re unsure what personal business you’d end up being involved in. You just wish it wasn’t something that would test your principles and cause you to lose your job. Regardless, whatever that would be isn’t something you can even really talk about with others.

“Well, I don’t wanna think about any of that right now,” you sigh, knowing you’ve got enough to worry about, such as how you’re going to start surviving everyday assisting a man who clearly doesn’t want you around. 

But if he’s gonna be a hard-head about it, then you’re just going to have to match him. You got to where you are because you’re determined to prove yourself constantly, and you’ll just show him that he needs you, and he doesn’t really have a choice unless he wants to argue with his father. 

You try to encourage your team once more and give Do-hyun that rare hug in comfort before going back to your desk, intent on finishing all the presentations for your briefing with Jungkook next week. You begin setting up his room by mid-afternoon, using a photo of his Singapore office as a basis since you were told that he prefers a certain style for his furniture and decor. You’re no stylist but over an hour after you finish, you think you did pretty good. You were so into designing the space that you didn’t notice the time fly by; before you know it, it’s 6PM, because you can hear A-yeong right outside calling for you.

“Hi,” she chirps, hugging you in greeting. “Are you ready?”

“I’ll just pack my things,” you say, walking to your desk. 

A-yeong takes a peek at the room and praises your efforts. “This looks so different from how it used to be. And that’s good because those cousins have such different tastes. But I think Jungkook will like this. He’s into the masculine and moody vibe, so good job, ___.”

You know that despite her kindness, she wouldn’t lie, and you could only hope that she’s right. You think it looks nice, but it’s what he thinks that matters; you’ll just have to wait until Monday to find out. 

As you’re about to leave, Hoseok appears in the hallway and asks how you are. Your scowl pretty much gives you away.

“I’m sorry about Jungkook, ___. He’s stubborn and a hot-head sometimes but he isn’t always like that, and this isn’t me making excuses for him,” your former boss says. 

“Why, what did he do?” A-yeong asks worriedly. 

“Basically implied that I’m not qualified for this role, among other things,” you respond. “But it’s okay. Not like I haven’t heard that before.”

“And you know that’s not true,” Hoseok comforts you. “He’s not good with change, that’s all, and you know how these appointments were all pretty short notice and he’s just been frustrated ever since. But whatever it is he said, don’t take them to heart. He’ll get a word from me, and he’ll definitely get one from his father.”

You want to say that it’s not easy to just disregard what Jungkook said; he’s your boss after all, and all that matters is what he thinks about you. But you’re not one to air out these feelings to Hoseok now that you’ve experienced a bit of what it’s like, so you just shake your head and ask the older man to let it go.

“He’s probably just tired,” you make an excuse this time, not wanting to discuss further with Hoseok. “And he had that assistant for over five years. I can understand wanting that familiarity and convenience. I’m just gonna have to adjust; there are a lot of things going on right now and he’ll need to focus on the projects, not his compatibility with his assistant.”

“But that matters though,” Hoseok insists. “I got things done because we worked well together. He’s gonna have to meet you in the middle with this one. And I’ll make sure that he does.”

“I know you said you want to look out for me but I don’t think it’s a good idea if you intervene this time, Mr. Jung,” you say, letting him know you’re serious and you mean business. “I’ll be okay, don’t worry about me.”

You give him a comforting smile, and you hope it’s enough to quell Hoseok’s own worries and it works this time. He returns it before letting you and his wife go, and it’s the Thai dinner and incredible desserts that somehow make up for your not-so-great day. 

You think the weekend will give you the peace you need to face your dreaded week - you do your errands and chores on Saturday and go to the market and watch a movie by yourself in the cinema the next day. 

All it took was a text from Jungkook that Sunday evening, asking for copies of certain policies and disapproved proposals from the last five years, that just had to ruin it, as you spend the entire evening consolidating the files, making you already wish it was Friday.

Jungkook’s apartment building is one of the Jeon properties that you haven’t been to yet, as it’s one of the newer massive residential structures that they built three years ago. You enter the sleek-looking lobby then submit your documents at the reception in exchange for your own access, and you internally marvel at how luxurious everything looks. 

You get to the 42nd floor, and it seems that there are only two units here. You walk towards the one on the right, choosing to be on the safe side by ringing the doorbell. It’s Monday, after all, and it’s your first time here; you don’t want to just enter without him permitting you to do so. 

You’re about to press the button again after a minute of no response, when the door opens and you take a moment to process the sight before you. 

There, standing just a few feet away, is Jungkook with nothing but a pair of black gym shorts on, his taut chest glistening in sweat, and his entire right arm covered in black and colored ink. His hair is damp and ruffled, and it’s probably due to the boxing he’d just done, as evidenced by the wraps on his knuckles and the way he’s panting heavily. 

You get your senses back and look away, not wanting to look affected by his half-naked form, even if you’re the one who has to catch her breath this time because much as you dislike the man, you can’t deny that his body is something that definitely deserves to be praised. 

“You’re here,” he speaks first, surprise laced in his voice as he takes in your obviously flustered form.

“I asked if 6:30 AM was a good time to come, Mr. Jeon,” you answer, glancing at him before looking at whatever you could behind him. “Perhaps I misheard your confirmation. I can wait downstairs if you’re not yet done with your exercise. My apologies for coming in early.”

You don’t actually have anything to be sorry for; he did confirm the time, and he’s the one who decided that working out at this hour was a good idea, knowing that his assistant’s scheduled to come. You would’ve appreciated it if he says you don’t need to apologize, but he doesn’t.

“It’s fine, I just finished,” he huffs. 

He leaves the door open for you to enter then heads straight to the large room on the right, which looks to be an indoor gym. You allow yourself a few seconds to look at his retreating form, quietly gasping as his broad shoulders and slender waist blind you a little, then scolding yourself for doing so. You stay rooted by the kitchen and look around the spacious penthouse as you wait for him to return. He exits the gym wearing a loose white shirt now, combing his hair with his fingers as he drinks a bottle of water.

“So, Mr. Jeon, uh, I would prepare Mr. Jung’s outfits for the week and then help his house staff make his breakfast. I run down his schedule as he eats. Are you okay with the same arrangement?” 

“Sure. I just don’t have any staff with me so you’re on your own. I’m fine with anything though. I’m not usually hungry in the morning,” he says before walking to the other side of the apartment.

You follow him, careful not to enter spaces you’re not given permission to, which is why you stand by his bedroom door before asking to come in. 

“How will you prepare my clothes from there?” He huffs. “Of course you can enter. Just be done before I finish taking a shower.”

You nod shyly and then head to the walk-in closet that thankfully has a separate door from the bathroom. He’s already unpacked his clothes, although not everything has been organized. You spot a few suits that are ready to wear, and you fix those first, taking note of asking him if there are things he wants dry cleaned or pressed. 

You leave his bedroom in time, hearing him slide open the door as you make it out, and proceed to make his breakfast. There’s really not much you can create with what little he has, so you make do with eggs and toast and whatever spread you find in his cupboard.

Jungkook walks into the kitchen not long after, the dark gray suit looking immaculate on him as you expected. Spotting his crooked necktie, you immediately walk up to him to fix it, unaware of how he holds his breath with how close you are. Noticing his body stiffen, you step back right away, apologizing for not asking permission first. 

He looks away and says it’s fine, then sits on the spot at the dining table where you’ve set up his meal. He stares at it for a good few seconds, prompting you to explain yourself.

“That’s… that’s all I could make with what you have, Mr. Jeon,” you say. “I can arrange for online groceries for you, as well as dry clean and pressing for your clothes and—”

“I’m having someone come in to clean my place and do all of that,” he says, as he takes a bite of his food. “So, what’s my week like?”

You start to enumerate the conference and lunch meetings he’ll be having this week, including who they’ll be with and their purpose. They’re mostly with the department leads to discuss updates on processes and current projects, and you’re thankful that Hoseok involved you as much as he did, given that Jungkook’s questions are more specific than you expected. 

Sure, he’s a Jeon and obviously works in the same company, but the Southeast Asian projects are different from the ones being implemented in South Korea, and while he used to oversee overall compliance to design standards, he’ll now be in-charge of setting those very standards this time. As Vice President, he’ll be involved in crafting policies; he’s also free to manage his own construction projects, and that’s what the support team is for. Given his much more expansive role this time, there are more departments and projects to oversee, and definitely more executive decisions to make. 

You suppose it’s why his questions don’t stop, even after he’s cleaned up and you both find yourselves in the backseat of the car and on the way to the office. He looks through the iPad with all the files you gave him, and you see the notes he’s made on them as you turn to him to answer his queries. Even if you know that he’s also still assessing you - perhaps on your knowledge and attention to detail - you can’t help but admire his thoroughness. You may have also cursed him in frustration for making you work on a Sunday, but he seems to have done way more than you, given that he went through all the documents over the weekend. You suddenly don’t feel too annoyed. 

But of course, he has to ruin it again.

“I need these annotated versions of the project and departmental documents ready before my meetings with the respective teams,” Jungkook says, his voice low and stern. “And I expect progress reports to be as detailed as possible, so make sure to check them first before they get to me. The ones you gave need revisions. I believe you’re trained enough to know immediately that these are lacking.”

“Yes, sir,” you respond, noting his instructions on your notebook while internally yelling, given that you’re unsure of the need for them before the meetings. 

Surely, he could give you some time to work on them, but with a meeting with one team in the afternoon and seven more the rest of the week, and on top of the other things you need to do for him, you already know you’ll be cramming to get everything done. 

You try to manage your breathing. Somehow, your habit of pressing your nails against your palm when you're stressed has miraculously come back today. It was something you developed while working under Mrs. Byun, which you eventually got over after working for Hoseok. You feel the anxiety build up, especially as you look at the half crescent marks on your skin, and it’s times like this that you wish your best friends were based in Seoul instead of Busan, so you’d at least have people to comfort you when things are a little tough. 

It’s not to say that work wasn’t overwhelming before. It definitely was, but Hoseok always found a way to make everything bearable and he was always reasonable with what he demanded of you. Now you’re stuck with a man who already makes you feel like your hard work isn’t enough. 

You make it to the office with no other words said and a thick tension in the air. It follows you to the elevator and into Jungkook’s room, where he dismisses you so he can prepare for the first meeting of the day. You rush to your desk and get on with your tasks, making sure to work on the annotated project file that he needs by the afternoon. 

It’s an hour later when you find yourself in the conference room for the meeting with the management support team. You prepped them just 10 minutes earlier, and while you tried to hide your frustration, your unusual lack of energy told them enough that it wasn’t exactly a good start of the day. 

They come in one by one, and you take the time to prepare Jungkook’s coffee, remembering from his former assistant’s notes how he wants it. He’d put it off earlier, given that he prefers to drink his protein shake after his workout, so this is the first time you’re doing it for him.

His eyes flit from the coffee in front of him to you as you place it on the table.

“Two espresso shots and half teaspoon each of milk and sugar,” you state, wanting to confirm that you got it right.

He merely takes a sip, places it down again, and then starts the meeting. 

How bold of you to assume that he’d thank you or even acknowledge it, as if he’d shown you even the tiniest amount of gratitude for anything you've done for him since Friday. Which he hasn’t. 

You let it go and proceed to sit next to him, your eyes and ears ready for what you already predict is gonna be a long meeting. 

It ends over three hours later. As you expected, he had a lot of questions. He made sure that each member had time to explain their current tasks and how they will monitor the projects assigned to them. You didn’t miss the way he’d acknowledged them with “good” and “well done,” and thanked them after they finished. He only nodded at you after your turn, with his eyes barely meeting yours, and for all the confidence you built over the past three years, you can’t process how it’s his non-acknowledgment that’s just going to undo all that. And quite frankly, you’re unsure if that’s on him or if that’s on you. 

Half of the meeting was spent discussing the big project that he wants to take on as Vice President. There’s a property they recently acquired - a non-operational arts center that he wants to revive by adding a performance hall, small theaters, a grand library, function rooms, and a permanent exhibition presenting the buildings that his family had developed over the years to showcase their architectural designs. 

You saw the excitement in your team members’ faces. Hoseok took over with several unfinished projects so you all had to focus on those. Aside from Manager Lee, this is the first time that you’re all handling something new and different. Even you felt the excitement creep in, a welcome emotion given how your day’s been going, but that shattered once he said that he wants it done by June of next year in time for an International Media Festival happening in August. The 12-month period he’s giving is too short with everything he wants to do, and you saw that the team felt the same. 

You go to them after Jungkook leaves for a lunch meeting, and their sighs and pouty faces tell you enough. Mr. Lee does his job of encouraging the team, and you add that you’re all gonna be supporting each other through it all. Sure, you’d have to match Jungkook’s ambition and thoroughness, but you should all take it as a challenge. 

You’re clearly not convinced yourself as the words come out of your mouth, but you don’t have time to debrief with them, as you still have that meeting with the design department that you have to prepare for. You take two biscuits and a cup of tea, and you decide that this is enough to last you throughout lunch, given that you’ll be spending the entirety of it working on the files. 

You don’t realize that an hour and a half have passed until you hear footsteps and see Jungkook’s form appear in the hallway. You stand to greet him, with him asking if you’re done with the annotated documents. 

“I’ll send it in five minutes, sir,” you say, hoping he’ll at least give you that. 

“Okay,” he responds. “Come to my office after you’ve sent it.”

“Yes, sir,” you say, quickly finishing the last two pages once he closes the door. 

You rush to get everything done and click send, then you head to his office and prepare yourself for more questions. It’s quiet inside as you watch him behind the desk, with his legs crossed and his eyebrows furrowed as he reads the document. You answer one of his questions and it’s at that moment when your very empty stomach decides to make itself known.

You freeze on your spot, as the grumbling sound starts low, getting louder for a few beats before it temporarily stops. Your eyes widen in embarrassment, and you press your belly so hard with your fingers in hopes that that would do anything, even if you’re too far gone at this point. Your only hope is that it was all in your head, but Jungkook’s eyes flitting to you tells you otherwise. The only other sound in his room is the air purifier, but it’s not remotely loud enough to drown out your intense hunger. 

It goes again, and all you can do is look away; humiliating yourself was definitely not the plan for your first day as Jeon Jungkook’s assistant.

“Do you need to step away, Ms. Cho?” He asks, not meeting your eyes. 

“Oh, it’s not… uh,” a bowel emergency or something, you want to say. “I just had a busy lunch break.” 

You settle for that, a hint that you’d spent its entirety doing something in such a short notice. Hoseok would always be apologetic whenever he had you do something during your break; he always made up for it with a nice meal as thanks. You doubt you’d get anything close to that from this man.

Jungkook hums and surprisingly doesn’t ask for anything else. He dismisses you and orders you to go ahead and prepare the conference room for the next meeting, and you do just that, dropping by the pantry for a muffin that you eat in four bites, in hopes that it would be enough to shut your stomach for the next three hours. 

Right as you exit, Jungkook picks up his phone to make a call. And then another one.

“Mr. Ri, please pick up the pastries that Ms. Cho ordered at the food hall,” he instructs his chauffeur. “She’s too busy right now.”

“Will do, Mr. Jeon.”

Taking minutes of a meeting when you’re starving is not a good thing. You know this because you’ve done this so many times, like during monthly executive meetings and the quarterly board meetings that have you spread out thin. It’s also not rare to miss out on lunch because there’s a report to finish or a site to visit; during events, you go on a day with having barely eaten anything. 

But just because you’re used to it, it doesn’t mean that your body has fully adapted, because here you are, eyeing the croissants in front of you, your mouth watering at the gloss and softness of the pastry. They’re so tempting and also out of reach, given that you need to be entirely focused on the discussion that you’re documenting, and munching on something is out of the question. You don’t even know where this is from and you think maybe the design department called for snacks but it’s really not helping your concentration.

You hope the way you’re nibbling your lips doesn’t give you away, but Yoongi from across the table picks it up, as you get a notification of his message.

[From: Min Yoongi] you didn’t have lunch, did you? 

You ignore the prompt on your laptop and respond to him with a look instead. You know your pouty lips will give him his answer, and he merely shakes his head at the confirmation. 

You do your best to shut out the sight and scent of the food before you, absorbing instead the discussion so you can note this down properly with just minimal edits needed. You have a lot of documents to work on for the next few days after all, and that’s on top of the file reorganization that Jungkook asked you to do. 

It works after you hang on by a thread for two and a half hours, a little earlier than you expected to finish. All you want is to sneak out that croissant and maybe some tarts, too, but your heart breaks when you look up and find the boxes empty. 

You let out a sigh, relieved that your boss didn’t hear you because he’s already on the phone and heading out the door. But it’s that same time that a plate of food appears in front of you, and it feels like the gates of heaven have opened. You’re not surprised anymore to find out who it’s from.

“Eat,” Yoongi says from next to you. “I could see your hands shaking from across the table.”

“What about you?” You ask, your lips in a pout once more. 

“You know I don’t eat these things,” he shrugs.

He doesn’t, and you know this, too. You also know he called dibs on these earlier, seeing as his staff were quick to get them, and he’d saved these so he could give them to you. 

“Ten years later and you’re still trying to make sure I eat, huh?” You say, nudging him with your hips to tease.

“If I don’t, who would?” He responds, walking out of the conference room with you. “You have a bad habit of not doing that.”

“Well, duty calls. What can I do?” 

“Take care of yourself even if it’s hard,” he replies. 

“Says the man who rarely does it himself,” you chuckle. 

“You know, the best advice I give are the ones I don’t actually follow, so disregard the fact that I don’t even do what I say because they apparently work,” he says. “But I mean it, ___. Eat this now.”

“Thanks, Yoongi,” you smile, taking a piece of pastry and eating it in two bites. 

Your puffed out cheeks cause him to laugh, and despite still being hungry after this, you suppose it’s enough to not make you faint at this moment. 

“And eat a proper dinner, okay?” He follows up.

“I’ll be off late, so I’ll just grab something from the convenience store,” you say. “That’s as proper as I can afford tonight.”

“Aish, fine,” he shakes his head. “But let me get you coffee at least. Those tarts won’t taste as good without one.”

“That would be life-saving,” you dramatically say. “What did I do to deserve a friend like you?”

“Don’t know. I mean, I’m not that great,” he shrugs. 

You playfully roll your eyes. “I’ll save the compliments once I have the coffee.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” he feigns annoyance, gesturing for you to get back to your desk then walking the other direction. 

You take your seat and clean up the document, deciding that you’ll just review the meeting minutes tomorrow so you can get on with other pressing matters. It’s 20 minutes later when Yoongi returns, a tall cup of coffee on one hand and a banana loaf on the other.

“This is all they have left,” he says. “I hope it can last you until tonight.”

“It will,” you smile. “Thank you again. No one looks out for me here as much as you do. And that means a lot, more than you know. I don’t think I would’ve survived all these years without you.”

“Wow, all because of coffee and snacks,” he laughs, teasing. 

“It’s a fair trade. You feed me during my greatest need, I boost your ego,” you tease back. 

“Yeah, whatever,” Yoongi huffs in submission, but you know he enjoys it. 

You’re thankful that after everything that’s happened, you’re still able to maintain the friendship that you created when you were a mere intern and he was just starting out his career. 

“Anyway, I’m quickly meeting Jungkook and I need the portfolio of the contemporary arts institution joint project from 2019. It was VP-led so I assume it’s still here? Unless it’s in the archive room,” he continues.

“It’s within five years so it should be here,” you say, turning to the shelf behind you to confirm. 

You spot what you need and make the attempt to pull it out but your fingers barely even touch the rack.

“Need help?” Yoongi asks.

“And what help could you give, huh?” You tease again, earning you a playful groan.

“You brat.”

You laugh and pull out the small stool you keep for times like this. 

“Just make sure I don’t fall and embarrass myself further today,” you say, climbing up the steps then pulling out the heavy folder. 

You feel Yoongi’s arm move from where it was near your waist to over your head, as he lightens the load. You both try to balance it and laugh at your distorted faces in the process, and it’s moments of relief like this one that you’re glad you’re afforded after a long day like today. 

From inside the room, Jungkook sees you through the window, your eyes crinkling as you laugh along with Yoongi, head of the design department and one of his very few friends in the company. It catches him off guard, as he realizes that since meeting you last Friday, he’s never seen you laugh, much less smile or even have an expression that isn’t agitated or serious.

He knows that that’s probably on him. He’d spoken ill of you after all, something he regretted once he saw the frustration on your face when you made it known that you were in the room with them and had definitely heard everything he said. But he’d been tired and HR confirmed that he could bring Lucas over as his assistant; CEO Jeon was the one who vetoed that decision. 

Jungkook had already mentally prepared himself for the ease of his transition, knowing that he’d be assisted by someone who knows how he works and the quality of outputs he expects, only to come here and be told by his father that the current staff will stay, and that you - someone he’d only heard of as Hoseok’s assistant - will be the one assisting him from now on. Your resume didn’t even impress him.

Jungkook doesn’t like change and when he has to undergo it, he needs as much of what was familiar and convenient to remain; that’s the only bit of control he can have and he hates not being in control of things. You just happened to unluckily be at the receiving end of his anger.

But unlike what he expected, you stood up to him in the subtle ways you could. He’s been so used to people just following him, partly because his way is always the best but also because he commands that respect, and he knows his capabilities enough to know that he deserves it as well. So when you answered back, he felt rattled and just a little bit uneasy. He was unable to backtrack after, but he didn’t really plan to.

That doesn’t mean that he didn’t plan on being a bit of a jerk today, too. He’d been exhausted working over the weekend after going through all the files you gave him that he snoozed his alarm so many times and ended up doing his workout later than he intended. When you rang the doorbell and stood by his door with your skirt and satin top, he suddenly felt lightheaded.

He mentally smacked himself once the thought that your pastel colored outfit brought out your eyes more than the monochrome ensemble from last week floated in his head. He just hated that not only are you thorough with your work, you have to be beautiful, too. He’d never admit to anyone that both of those things make him nervous, and it’s the only reason why he thinks he needs to establish his authority so that he doesn’t get rattled the next time you counter him.

That’s why he demanded more work, which he didn’t intend to take up so much of your time, like your lunch break. He’d seen how your hands shook while you were taking notes during the meeting, prompting him to end the meeting early so you can have something to eat of what he’d bought but he’d left before he could find out if there was anything left for you. 

Maybe there wasn’t enough, as he also witnessed Yoongi hand you what seemed like food with coffee that the man also got for you just minutes ago. The smile you gave him was bright and sincere. Jungkook doesn’t think he’d ever see that directed at him, considering how he’d been to you on his first day, but maybe that’s also good; that could be his defense. Maybe it’d help quell that initial attraction that he doesn’t want and cannot allow at all to grow.

It doesn’t mean it doesn’t agitate him to see you a bit too close with his friend, because with the way you seem so comfortable and with the way that Yoongi sports that rare smile, it almost feels like there’s something there.

Jungkook is the son of the CEO, and having personal relationships within the company isn’t exactly advisable, but he’d gone to university with Yoongi and their introverted personalities instantly clicked. The older man is perhaps the only non-relative company employee that Jungkook kept in touch with when he was in Singapore, not that he even really talked much to his family outside of work anyway.

But in all the years of their friendship, his friend never mentioned any relationship - nor the makings of one - with another staff member. Jungkook hates how his curiosity is slowly getting to him. Maybe a few more moments would tell him more, but something about the scene happening outside his room is making him nervous and uneasy, so he decides to step in.

“Hey, Yoon,” he says as he opens the door. “Can we discuss now? I have to meet my parents for dinner in an hour.”

Your bubble with Yoongi bursts at the sound of Jungkook’s voice, and you immediately return to your seat. Your friend nods at you then enters the room, leaving you the peace and quiet you need to plop down on the floor for a quick snack of your loaf before going back to work, glancing inside every once in a while to see how the two are going, and perhaps confirm the friendship that you didn’t expect the two would have.

“This building is a good starting point,” Yoongi agrees with Jungkook. “If this is the general feel you want for the Arts Center, I can look into other projects and designs and come up with ideas. I’ll just ask ___ for the files I need.”

“You two seem close,” Jungkook says too quickly. 

Leaning back against the chair, Yoongi processes the question that he didn’t expect he’d hear. More than that, he tries to read what’s underneath it, knowing that his friend’s tone of voice and feigned stoic expression mean something more.

“You could say that,” Yoongi replies. “She did say that no one’s looked out for her here as much as I have. And that she wouldn’t have survived all these years without me.”

“So you’re actually friends?”

“Yes.”

“Were you more?”

Yoongi chuckles, the question giving him the answer he’s looking for. Jungkook may often be too serious but he can be transparent sometimes, too.

“Does it matter?” The older man asks.

“Just don’t want to be surprised, that’s all,” Jungkook shrugs. “If there’s an employee relationship happening under my nose, I should at least know.”

“It happens here a lot,” Yoongi responds. “I mean, it gives people something to gossip about but it’s how things are - work sucks sometimes and we want someone to hold at the end of a terrible day.”

Feeling like he won’t get an answer to a question that Jungkook doesn’t know why he felt the need to ask in the first place, he just shakes his head to concede. 

But it’s what prompts Yoongi to reply. 

“We met when she was just an intern,” he says. “We used to take the same bus then found out we both came from Daegu. Then she was employed and we were both on the logistics team before I was reassigned and she got the EA role.”

Jungkook merely hums, taking in the information.

“I also asked her out before,” Yoongi continues, earning him a surprised look from the younger man. “You just can’t help what you feel sometimes, you know?  But she turned me down, said she didn’t want to lead me on because she didn’t feel anything more. She also doesn’t like being involved with a co-worker, so yeah.”

“How are you still friends?”

“Asks the guy who’s still friends with his ex,” Yoongi laughs.

“Chaerin and I are civil, there’s a difference. And we haven’t spoken in years.”

“You loved her, though,” Yoongi counters. “I never got to that point.”

“This isn’t about me,” Jungkook huffs. 

Knowing it’s a topic that his friend doesn’t like talking about, Yoongi relents. “I moved on. That was years ago,” he says. “And it seemed like she needed someone. I mean, she’s not from here and her friends aren’t here, either. She appreciated the friendship even if she said she didn’t think she deserved it. I guess that made me really get over her, you know? That’s all she wanted and needed from me; it was better than not having her around.”

“How brave,” Jungkook remarks. 

“You mean mature?” Yoongi corrects. “Yes, that’s what I am, and it’s the best I could be for her. Especially since she’s got a boss who makes her miss lunch because somehow, there’s just so much to do for your first day on the job.”

“Don’t remind me,” Jungkook groans. 

“I will. Only so you could feel bad.”

“I already do. That’s why I…”

“Bought the pastries,” Yoongi finishes. “I mean, I didn’t order them.”

“Was any even left for her?” Jungkook sighs, remembering how he was internally screaming for you to just get from the box and he’d been the jerk to not offer you some even if it was technically for you.

“Sort of. I put some aside for myself so I could give them to her.”

“You sure you don’t like her anymore?” Jungkook cocks an eyebrow, an attempt to hide his uneasiness over something he doesn’t understand. He finds you attractive, that’s it. He doesn’t know why his mind searches for more answers.

“You don’t have to like someone romantically to be nice to them, you know?” Yoongi responds. “And she needed it. Heavens know the support she’d need now that she has to deal with your rude ass.”

Jungkook sighs, but the remark is a welcome one because he did tell Yoongi not to treat him differently just because he’s the Vice President now. He also partly agrees. But he sees the effort; his friend wouldn’t call him out for how he does things, so the most he would do is offer help to you. And Jungkook could maybe take advantage of that, as Yoongi stands up to leave.

“Hey, could you, uh, grab dinner for her at the food hall? And not say it’s from me?”

“The food hall’s closed,” Yoongi says.

“The cafe down the street, then?”

“You can’t be fucking serious,” the older man groans. 

But Yoongi knows his friend, knows the distance he creates from the people around him, knows his need to have control over everything, including his feelings, and knows the walls he builds because it’s easier to keep others out rather than do the hard task of letting them into a space that’s become comfortable because he’s been the only one inside for so long.

So Yoongi does as he’s asked. He takes the money then heads to the cafe to order pork cutlets and curry. He returns and sets them on your desk to your surprise, and you ask what it’s for.

“Just thought you deserve more than just convenience store instant noodles and gimbap given the day you’ve had,” he says. 

“Hey, those are delicious,” you pout, but wanting to melt at how good the rice bowl smells. “But thank you, again. I owe you a lot, Yoongi. I mean it.”

“Just make sure to eat on time so I don’t have to buy your dinner again,” he teases. “I mean it. You have to stay healthy, okay?”

“Okay,” you smile brightly. “Get home safe tonight.”

Jungkook glances out the window and holds back a smile himself at how innocent and genuinely happy you look. There’s this joy that you seem to enjoy to yourself and he sees that, he understands that. And somehow that’s enough to lessen the guilt for now. 

He still doesn’t know if he’ll ever see that smile directed at him or if he’d ever want that because of how disarming it is. But seeing it from afar is enough; it’s trivial and short enough to let him bask in it without having to climb out of his walls. He’ll watch you from behind, he thinks. He just wishes he doesn’t push you away in the process.

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[bitterbutblue]

in the morning, you would be gone ☆ tingyun x reader

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────

~ announcement of tingyun 5 star form had me so excited seriously i was liek squealing giggling kicking my feet EVERYTHING ohmy god its so insane im goingso insane rn

song: lovesick - laufey ~

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────

"Hey, it's Tingyun! If you're listening to this, I'm probably busy right now. Please leave me a voice message, I'll get back to it as soon as I can, promise! See you later!"

Exhaling shakily, you press the replay button and listen to the voice message again.

"Hey, it's Tingyun! If you're listening to this, I'm probably busy right now. Please leave me a voice message, I'll get back to it as soon as I can, promise! See you later!"

Your worst fear was forgetting what she sounds like. The voice that promised you a life forever together on the altar may be a voice you'll never hear again. The voice that soothed you on nights you needed her most is now just a recording on a phone, playing back the same repeated message. But it is still her voice, it's still her.

You couldn't bear to watch the day they performed the foxian funeral rituals, the idea of losing her to the vast space ahead of you was too much for you to even comprehend. How does one cope with loss? How does one move on from loving someone to the point where you don't even know where you start and where she ends? You can only sit in the corner of your bedroom, taking in pieces of her life and knowing she would never step foot in the room again. Head in your hands, gaping hole in what used to be your chest, and tears that leave a path down your cheek. It was like a statue frozen in time, the state of barely being able to function without every fibre in your being screaming in agony, begging for it to stop. You never realised how the human body was capable of making emotional pain so physical until the moment you found yourself on the ground, Yukong banging on the doors and begging you to let her in.

You spend hours curled on the floor because you can't get in the bed without smelling the scent of her shampoo lingering in the bedsheets. You can't even bring yourself to eat in the kitchen without remembering how she should be standing there with you, arms around your waist and chest pressed against your back. Chin resting on your shoulders as she mumbles sleepily, asking for you to make her favourite for breakfast.

The cards that they dealt you were unfair, there was not much you could truly do about it though. You can really only just nod along, aimlessly going on with your day and learning to live by yourself again after almost 100 years with the same person. 100 years with the same person, and now you have to relearn what it means to be yourself. Each time you hear a small sound inside your house you can't help but momentarily think that she's home, that that was her waking up from her nap or her coming home from work- only for it to be a sound from the neighbours or the cars outside.

But the worst of it all was thinking about what she had to go through or what she may be going through. When Yukong told you there was no body actually found, a part of you was hopeful- perhaps she was alive. Perhaps somewhere she was out there and you could find her again. Another part of you felt sick, because what if she was alive, but still being used? To think about what may have happened to her or what might be happening to her scares to you an extent you can't even comprehend yourself. At the end of each day, you can really only make the same prayer to Lan so that you can feel at peace about the whole situation.

If she's gone, please have her be resting in peace.

When the foxian stepped onto the Luofu, Yukong felt her heart come to a stop. Her face paled, whiter than a sheet of paper and she felt faint. The foxian looks around with a dazed look in her eyes, as if she's completely unfocused on her surroundings. When her eyes met Yukong's a brief flicker of consciousness, as if struggling to fight whatever wave had been drowning her, passes through her eyes until it is replaced by the same dazed look as before. She scans the crowd that only watches in horror as the girl who presumed missing then dead now walks towards Yukong. Dressed like a goddess, nine elegant tails flowing behind her as she mumbles in a dazed voice.

"Do I know you?"

Yukong breaks down in her room that evening.

She doesn't know how to tell you.

She didn't have to. The foxian found herself drawn to this house down the road, this door that she feels the urge to open. Instead, she stands outside, a hand placed on the wooden door, tracing each individual groove as if memorising a complex pattern. Something about this door has her frozen, only able to think about what lays behind the door. Without really thinking about her movements, the foxian knocks on the door, her heart racing for reasons she doesn't understand.

"Yukong, if you want to come in, just open the door. There's no need to-"

A hand flies to your mouth when you notice the green eyes, the brown hair, the sharp fox ears. You feel your vision grow blurry as your breathing grows shallow, stepping back and catching yourself by leaning against the wall. There stood in front of you was your wife who was presumed dead. There stood in front of you was a shadow of your wife because those eyes were so empty and hollow it scared you. You had never seen Tingyun with such soulless eyes. She always had a glint, some sort of flicker of mischief or humour. Now her eyes just stare into yours as if she has no actual consciousness, as if she's just going through the motions of the day again.

"Tingyun?"

It scares you, the way she stares. You want to walk up to her, you want to reach out and cup her cheek and ask her if she's okay and maybe share some of the pain that she's been holding in but you can't. You can only watch as she stays outside the house, not moving in. Her eyes dart around the interior of the house and you notice her nose crinkle slightly as her eyes land on a photo on the wall- a move she does when she's confused and you feel sick to your stomach.

"Baby?"

Your voice sounds too hoarse for your own liking as you step forward shakily. Her eyes slowly land back onto you, hollowly taking in your form and her nose crinkles again.

"Who are you?"

It's only three words. Three words really cannot have that big of an impact on someone, or so you think. Words drive so much of the pain that you can feel- 'I love you' and 'I'm sorry' are both such simple phrases that you hear time and time again but when spoken by a certain person at a certain time it can make you feel like warmth that's been spread inside out or it can make you feel colder than a harsh winter night.

Who are you?

It stings more than an open wound and at this point you would rather have preferred it if they had just found her body and confirmed her dead that evening because to see your lover back as nothing but a shell of herself is horrifying. To see your lover stand in front of you with her sense of self replaced with nothing but the ability to breath and speak breaks you from the inside out more than you would ever realise. She's alive, but she's nothing like who she once was. She's back, but at the same time she never truly would be.

"Why... Why did I come here?"

Her voice wavers slightly, and you take a smaller step closer to her. It's freezing outside, she's wearing nothing but a short dress and you want to pull her into the house so that maybe she can feel some of the warmth and remember at least a fraction of you. But you just stand where you were.

"Do you know me?"

It was a struggle to speak, with words clogging up in your throat and choking you from the inside. Your heart races, unable to stop yourself from trembling as you await her response. She looks at you with her eyebrows furrowed, her chest heaving slightly as if she's trying to calm herself down.

"No."

You release a shuddering breath, closing your eyes as the tears fall. You grip onto the door handle to steady yourself, because you are about to pass out any minute now.

"That's okay." You look back at her finally, after a long minute of silence. The look in her eyes has changed, a hint of sorrow hidden behind the mist of confusion and hazy memories.

"Why does it hurt?"

She sounds so confused, and you can hear the slight twinge of pain in her voice and it hurts you more than you could have ever imagined. Losing someone was hard enough, losing someone who was physically still here but would never fully be back was somehow worse.

"Why does it hurt to... see you upset?"

Your hand moves instinctively, moving to cup her cheek as a tear falls from her eyes, a tear that she hadn't even realised had fallen until she feels your thumb gently wipe it away. She leans into your touch, tilting her head slightly and your heart just crumbles into dust.

"Don't worry too much about it now, baby." You whisper softly, and she blinks. She just stares at you with this look of regret that she doesn't understand why she's feeling.

"I'm sorry."

She apologises for a reason she doesn't know yet, but she knows one thing. Seeing you cry hurt her for a reason she can't understand, and she doesn't want to see you upset either. Perhaps you are upset because of her, and perhaps she never should've come over. She just puts her hand over yours, and she can't understand why your touch feels so familiar when you are nothing but a blank face in her mind. You feel the world fading beneath your feet because you feel the cold metal against your skin, the cold metal band that still sits around her ring finger.

"You've done nothing wrong."

The silence that follows is haunting, watching as Tingyun slowly steps back.

"I'm sorry."

You can only watch as she steps back into the darkness, and you can't even call after her until she fades into the unknown behind you. You wonder if that's truly the last time you'll ever see her and a part of you hates the world for that. Your wife's last words were once 'I love you, I'll see you later', filled with love and care. Now they would be 'I'm sorry', filled with a sense of emptiness and regret, coming from someone who didn't even know your name.

The photo that hangs on the wall next to the door is her and you, hand in hand and both in white- the same metal band on her finger on yours.

Tingyun thinks of that photo every night now and she can't understand why it hurts so much.

[toadletthethird]

Can we have cage for that ask game? :3

Ohhh thanks for the question! but I might be the bad person to ask this, because I love to talk about her wayyy too much

Send me a character and I'll list:

1) favourite thing about them

I love her so much from narrative standpoint for things she can represent. Her chapter can be a great statement about trauma response that is often overlooked. Fight or flight are great, of course, but freeze just hits home.

In prisoner's chapter her one resort of hope was lost. She made a plead to be saved in the act of decapitation and was unheard. Such a wish broken. To put everything into something to not work out is so painful. Especially the second time. And new attempts would just remind about the helplessness - disappointment is not an easy wound to heal - so it's easier to embrace it. To find meaning in your pain. It is cruel and absurd and undeserved, but it is yours. You can find beauty in its horrors. And it makes it significant. It gives it at least some little sense it needs to not be so painfully pointless. To her, at least. It's her way to survive. (Oh how I love overrationalisation as a way to cope)

And I like how it's shown that it's hurtful not only to her but to people around too. She is not violent herself, but by not rejecting this harmful behaviour she lets the circle of violence to continue. And it what happens when you fall into a mindset like this. You get so focused on endurance that you fail to see the aftermath of your actions. It can manifest as neglect, direct danger or, most often, the suffering your close ones feel watching you. And there's no exit from the cycle but to acknowledge how harmful your coping is. It's not her fault, but it is so. (Interestingly, while the Allegory of the cage ending is exactly like that, No Exit is about bringing someone on the same level as you.... Becoming the same danger you were afraid of..... and to project that fearful worldview onto someone, subconsciously.....I think it can have interesting connotations to real life)

I believe her story can be beautiful allegory to withstanding any traumatic event that gives you no other choice than to accept it. You know: grief, chronic illness, abuse, depression, etc. You name it

Also, there is a reading of prisoner-cage as an allegory to self harming behaviour in my main account. I can't say if it's as good as I remember it to be (I physically can't take a second look at anything I do until a decade passes - yeah, it's a curse thing. never trust fairies), but it's still very dear to me.

2) the least favourite thing about them

I'm a simple girl...... The only complaint I have is deleted dialogue from prisoner........

3) Favourite line

Of course it's "Look at us go. Aren't we beautiful?"

But honourable mention is her head pun because.......I love puns. And "What? Like the answer's obvisous? Like it's staring me right in the face? Just like you?" because it was so funny to find

4)brotp

Cage and HEA would find a lot in common. I like to make all damsel and prisoner based vessels friends. And I love parallels

Also with thorn and PATD because of the "were in terrible situations and survived" similarity. I just like to imagine them all happy together, you know

5) OTP

I....I might like her with broken........I just really like broken in this chapter

6) notp

Nothing there

7) random headcanon

She and Prisoner give me insane Antiquity vibes for no particular reason. So I like to imagine Cage speaking ancient Greek (a lot of linker words make this language sound extremely cycle like. And sometimes prepositions start somewhere and stretch a looooong way only to remind of themselves again in the end of the sentence - very chain like) and Prisoner speaking Latin (very clear to use intellectual language). Just for fun.

8) unpopular opinion

My hierarchy for cage's endings is: No Exit, The Riddle of Steel, Allegory of the Cage

Yeah, I'm so shameful about that, but.... I love tragedies..... And I don't like when the solution to the puzzle is beyond the puzzle....... I'm so glad happy ending for her exists, but it's not for me

Oh and I like the possibility of free will ending. It's horrendous, no doubt, but I'm glad that there is such a choice available. After the horror of withdrawal we can experience the horror of freedom. Absurd of selfexpression. There is something about it

9) Song I associate with them

"I bet on losing dogs" by mitski simply because she is my baby :(

10) favourite image

Oh I love every shot from this chapter. But the dance sequence particularly

(Also there is a very particular shot when you strike her in the heart and her body, while still standing, holds the blade so firmly but I'm afraid it's too risky for tumblr and I'm not in a risky mood hahah)

That's all!

[sunlit-mess]

Please ignore if it's not your kind of conversation, but I've been wondering what's going on with me and I was wondering if you might be willing to share how you knew you had BPD or what that process was like for you. Thanks

Hello, I hope you're doing ok!! And I hope what I share can help, it's best to reach out. ::)

My discovery in BPD started at 17 when dad finally realized something is wrong with his oldest daughter. His exact words were that I was deteriorating and he hated seeing it. (Him and I have a complicated relationship, but we love our families just the same)

Although the symptoms started earlier than that, cue in childhood traumas, a shitty high-school, struggle with connection to other people and growing with a fucked up family.

To break it down:

My earliest symptoms were Abandonment issues and Paranoia (as a child), that I seemed like I had separation anxiety that engaged in people-pleasing. I hardly remember the rest of my childhood as if those memories are locked far in my head.

The next was until first year high-school where I started to develop obsessions, to an extent I seemed like a stalker. Naive, my relationships with other people always ended up toxic that even if I was so aware of it, I couldn't care less as long as they never leave me and such. Fortunately, I gave up and cut off. I remained an outcast, indifferent and it stayed that way.

Trouble in high-school was something, but what's worse was the toxicity in my own house, my family. What else could I do? Where else could I run to?

My moods started to have intense erratic patterns or just completely random and confuses most. As the years pass by, more obsessions and unhealthy habits developed as a way to "cope" or just felt what was right, what I deserve. This affects me as a whole because I never grew out of it. I never grew out of how we are treated in this house even until now that I am in college. I struggle in life AS A WHOLE from mentally to physically and so on.

Everyday I feel like I'm at war with my own head, my own self, feelings of hate and love, to other people and more in-between. And I'm actually always on edge as if it could be my last day. There are the endless list of what I have to hide and so much more confusing feelings, behaviors, and thoughts. Just to consider being, functioning "normal".

I actually struggle to voice these experiences, because I've been called insane and worse. Life keeps giving me lemons and I'm so, extremely, tired, but I can't give up as much as I want to. I have younger siblings I do not want to share this burden with.

I handle all of this myself ever since, even financially.

Lately, from my last consultation, was found out the disorder was also rooted from Autistic traits early life to adulthood in a way I couldn't show because of how we are treated at home. So.. To be fair it did make sense.

[lyss-sketchbox]

My thoughts on Inazuma vs Natlan so far. Is that Inazuma dropped the ball. There's no questioning that. It was rushed and the resolution lacked weight, and it almost definitely needed a lot more space to breathe and probably would've benefited from the 5 act structure instead of speedrunning with 3 acts (such as needing actual time spent with the Watatsumi Resistance rather than spending like 30 minutes tops).

HOWEVER. I feel like the initial Act I-II of Inazuma did a great job established the STAKES. It showed us the very real damage being caused by the various unjust decrees and why people are fighting. Natlan I kinda felt like did a lot of telling instead of showing, and any potential stakes feel kinda... Unserious? Because no one's really seriously hurt and even if they're saying Natlan will explode soon, I'm not really feeling like it's as dire as they're trying to sell it.

BUT IVE BEEN INFORMED YOU CAN DO NATLAN OUT OF ORDER??? Like you could in theory do Natlan BEFORE Inazuma thru Fontaine (with the quick-start function) which is why Natlan is more 'self-contained' which is absolutely insane to me?? Like HELLO???

Overall, I feel like the concepts and plot presented in Natlan is fine. But they didn't do a good enough job of selling to me these things. Like the whole child soldiers stuff kjadf like we actually dwelled on it for longer than a millisecond, we'd probably realize that's super fucked up!! But instead we gloss over it, making the whole quest seem fairly light-hearted despite everything.

Rubs my hands together ok anon lets talk cuz yeah i have thoughts

About inazuma

I definitely agree with you that Act 1-2 (especially 1) of inazuma did well setting up and showing how much negative impact the shogun's rule has impacted the people:

Vision holders literally losing a chunk of themselves (or worst, their lives) from their vision being confiscated.

Non-vision holders risking their lives for helping said vision holders (the resistance)

International traders being stuck in the nation, repressed by local government, and scammed by local traders just to keep business alive.

Local government bloating the price of everything!!! (And being able to get discounts only if you have connections)

Corruption even in the highest positions (gestures at the Kujou clan)

Fatui meddling that lead to the deaths of many for profit

The shogun literally programmed her robot to be that heartless because she herself dont give a shit about any of these issues. As long as her eternity stays.

Fr after venti and zhongli, getting an archon that acts as a proper ruler of a nation AND an antagonist sounds COOL AS FUCK. The booba sword scene while yeah, boobs wooo, also was a wonderful show of her authority over her nation.

After that they tripped and fell in Watatsumi. While i appreciate the environmental story telling of Watatsumi's and Shogunate's bases during the war, we barely get enough time to do... ANYTHING of substance. If i remember correctly, we became team captain, then do a bunch of training and defeating vagrants (on our own because friendly npc fighters didnt exist yet) and thats it. Where is the plotting? Wheres the planning? It was all just an anime training montage we barely get to see or feel. I genuinely feel like we couldve just replaced the entire Watatsumi arc with 'the fatui is selling delusions to people with confiscated visions to help them cope with the lost so traveller go to the delusion factory' and NOTHING wouldve changed. Hell it wouldve made ALOT more sense why yae came to save us at the end if the whole thing happened in Narukami.

Also after all that SHOWING they did alot more TELLING about wooo how smart kokomi is she is so smart and cool and the savior of the resistance. Like girl the fatui had their grip on your soldiers to the point they almost didnt want to surrender their delusions what are you on about. While you can argue she was only a priestess before the war and had no war intellegence skills, the people prop her up as such, kujou sara took her seriously. So she has to have some merit. Well im not seeing any (fight me on this i dont fully remember what happens in watatsumi)

Also at the end we fight the literal dictator of the nation with the power of friendship then everyone and i mean EVERYONE forgave said dictator...... cool. They would definitely benefit from an extra act so that watatsumi adds to the idea that this civil war and the shoguns current decree is causing damage.

About AR

The thing is that the requirements for you to start Natlan AQ is to be AR 28 and finish Liyue AQ (which requires AR 29 for the entire thing). While starting Inazuma requires AR 30, Sumeru needs AR 35, and Fontaine needs AR 40 (highest AR requirement by far).

Id argue that each nation is supposed to be a self-contained story. Even so, based on AR requirements theyve been chronologically in order because you NEED to complete the previous AQ to start the next. EXCEPT for Natlan.

While this is obviously to be more open to new and returning players, it really.... decreases the stakes, like you would assume the more we progress the tougher challenges we will have to face. But Natlan? Nawww you can go to Natlan without fighting the dictator 👍

About Natlan

I AM ADDRESSING THE CHILD SOLDIER THING FIRST BECAUSE YES. THEY DEFINITELY DID ALOT MORE TELLING THAN SHOWING HOW THIS CHILD APPARENTLY CAN BE SENT TO WAR WITH A REAL CHANCE OF DYING!!!!! I talked about this before because they ironically did alot more showing how child like Kachina is which adds more to the FUCKING CHILD SOLDIER THING.

HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BE OKAY WITH THIS??? Oh its our nations culture, its just the culture shock, OKAY YEAH BUT THE TRAVELLER AND PAIMON ARENT NATLAN NATIVES AND THEY DONT FEEL ANYTHING ABOUT THIS????? Wow yey cheer for the child to go to war! BRO SHE DIED AND WE WENT JACOOZIING WHILE WE WAIT FOR HER TO RETURN FROM WAR...............

ITS VERY OBVIOUS INFANTILIZATION BECAUSE IANSAN DIDNT FUCKING GET THE SAME TREATMENT. You know, the other small girl character there, nah she went to war just like Kachina, lived, and stood by the Archon and WAS READY TO THROW HANDS WITH A HARBINGER IF THE ARCHON DIDNT FUCKING FIGHT HIM HERSELF.

Everything just feels so.... chill? So relaxed with no stakes at all. I mean yeah the Abyss is creeping into the nation's roots but instead of sending armies we make it a tournament. Yeah people die in these excursions but we can revive them so we can ignore the horrors of experiencing death. Yeah the flames are dying so the archon has to give up some of her power to keep it lit but its okay! The harbinger is a gentleman that wont take this opportunity to do some scheming. We need the power of the chosen one of each tribes to save natlan but hey cant rush it! We got a year after all teehee.

Man. Head in hands. What the fuck.

Not even gonna go into the whole the archon is human but mavuika is the one that got reincarnated to retake the role just in time to solve a national crisis thing. Because i dont even know if THAT is accurate.

If they somehow trip and fall worse than inazuma id actually be amazed because the bar is very very low.

[misstrashchan]

2, 3, 7, 20, 27, 28, 29, for the rwby ask game? If you don't mind!

2. Rank the soundtracks

From favourite to least:

V1

Not a single track I don't love. Forever iconic, each and every one.

V5

Ignite is my favorite Yang song, as is Path to Isolation for Weiss. Smile is such a tragic song of showing Ilia's parents telling her to cope by smiling, by hiding, to the present where it's twisted into an angry mantra and she's still hiding who she is in a different way. The Triumph feels like such a comeback song with how high energy it is, all our girls heading back to each other, jumping back into the fray. All that Matters is PEAK bumbleby pining angst song. All Things Must Die is glorious, and tbh I think even This Time is pretty underrated as a song for Blake/the White Fang.

V7

I find myself relistening to this one a lot. Trust Love is my favorite OP (and yes that is in part the refrences to the Little Prince I can draw). I also like Touch the Sky and Brand New Day as these kind of recovery songs for all the characters that had been at their lowest or feeling lost finding their hope and confidence, happy in themselves. Let's get Real is a song that DID get me into Renora a little, it's a bop. Was over the moon to have an Oscar song in Fear that encapsulated the theme of the volume and complimented Ozpin's fear speech. Hero makes my brain go AAAAHHHH at how it captures the hubris of Ironwood. Such a great tragic downfall song for his character. Until the End is a great listen and such a lovely surprise to have a Ruby song after so long. War is a certified banger and a great song for the RWBY vs Ace Ops fight.

V9

In fairness I don't think I've listened to this one enough, but the more I do it definitely grows on me. Inside feels like the most unique OP, Checkmate is catchy as hell, Trapdoor makes me INSANE as a Ruby spiralling song. Pleasantly surprised to have a Jaune song in Quiet that's very moving. Worthy is beautiful as a Bumbleby confession/kiss song, truly magical. As a whole I feel the songs lean into being more gentle and introspective as to the usual hardcore rock ballads we know RWBY for, even Checkmate with it's jazziness feels fresh and new. I haven't actually listened to the Edge or Guide my Way enough to have an opinion on them, but I remember liking them, Guide my Way is a nice continuation and evolution of the Red like Roses song trilogy.

V3

When it Falls is SO HARDCORE. Bleeding edge and tragedy for the death and destruction to come. I'm the One is fantastic at laying out Emerald and Mercury's trauma's and subsequently coping mechanisms. Neon is one I like to listen to a lot, it's so fun and upbeat. Divide is brutal and chilling as the song to introduce us to our main villain after seeing her for the first time in all her dark glory at the end of V3. Not Fall in Love with You is... eh. It's my Turn is a good Weiss song, but it's not one if my favorites.

V6

I really like Rising as an OP, it feels the most... magical? fantastical? idk. I like the vibes. Indomitable is what I feel like singing all the time in wake of the recent RWBY news! We really are indomitable! Nevermore as a true triumph over Blake and Yang's trauma at Adam's hands, while acknowledging the tragedy of Adam's own situation. And Big Metal Shoe is a certified banger, love all the fairytale references crammed in there. Miracle is... fine. One Thing is a great song for Neo's return and revenge quest, but I never bought into the Neo hype so I'm kinda mid on it too.

V2. SACRIFICE I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND EVER PLEASE REPRISE IN THE SHOW LATER WITH CINDER PRETTY PLEASE. Now it's Time to Say Goodbye is an incredible banger of an OP, but it felt a little misleading considering it's a song all about losing innocence and leaving behind childhood, which feels more appropriate for V3 and the FoB than V2. Shine, Dream Come True and Boop are all fun and cute but I'm not hugely into Arkos or Renora so I'm kinda neutral on them. I'm also kind of mid on Time to Die as a song.

V8. Honestly this is just the soundtrack I find myself listening to or remembering the least, even though I really like Friend as the perfect Penny song that had me tearing up, and Truth, while short was a great bittersweet song for Cinder. And it was nice to get a Nora song too. The opening for this volume never really grew on me like all the others did (aside from the "some ROSES WILL NEVER BLOOM, SOME HEROES CHOOSE THE WRONG SIDE"). I also just associate this soundtrack with fandom arguing a lot about what song applied to who and it felt exhausting.

3. Favorite Ruby ship?

ROSEGARDEN ALL THE WAY BABY!

7. Favorite lines I already answered for @hoepunkausta

20. What are you looking forward to seeing in Vacuo?

*vibrating at a frequency unknown to man* idk I think a reunion hug between Ruby and Oscar would be neat maybe. Like @aspoonofsugar has pointed out all the set up at the end of the extended epilogue points to these two having a second alchemical wedding and so their relationship having a certain amount of focus/development in Vacuo seems apparent. After so long of not seeing them onscreen together I'm excited for any interactions honestly. I miss my kids.

Wanting to see WBY all trying to support Ruby more and her actively trying but still struggling to open about how she's feeling. More of what see saw with Ruby/Yang in the Boba episode. I'd especially like Ruby and Weiss to have a heart to heart.

Very curious about what Theodore is gonna be like and whoever the hell the Summer maiden. With the Dorothy allusions and those who've lost their homes trying to make one in Vacuo, I'm expecting an exploration of "there's no place like home" to be leant into.

RAVEN. TELL US WHAT HAPPENED ON THAT MISSION WITH YOU AND SUMMER. RUBY AND YANG DESERVE TO KNOW. For real though I'm hoping we see what lead Raven to rejoin the fray too, and how she'll interact with Yang and Qrow and even Ruby, what tension might be there. Delicious family drama....

Speaking of delicious family drama, the Schnees! all reunited! I want Winter and Whitley to tackle hug Weiss to the ground! Also the Schnees appear to be being confronted with all the harm their family and company has done in a kingdom like Vacuo, so I'm curious to see how Weiss handles that. Also Winter is clearly Not Doing Good, so something I'd really like is if Weiss (as her sister) and Ruby (as a friend of Penny and someone she also offered the maiden powers too) and maybe Jaune (who was there with Penny in her final moments) offer comfort to her and they all grieve together.

Emerald. Honestly suprised we didn't get much of a sense of how she was doing in the extended epilogue, not even briefly like Mercury. But I'm super excited for what her arc holds. Seeing her integrate with the group, if Ren, Nora and Oscar are already on friendly terms with her but RWBY are all still a bit wary of her because they've spent less time together. Seeing more of her friendship with Oscar develop (gimme that Little Prince/Fox allusion with their friendship in taming each other pretty please) and like. Mercury. Emerald KNEW Mercury and Tyrian were being sent to Vacuo, she saw him off in the ship, but Ren seems suprised to see him and Tyrian on the cameras in the epilogue. Did Emerald... not tell them? Even though that's incredibly important information that could help her new allies? Because... she wanted to protect Mercury? Because she still feels conflicted? It's incredibly juicy and I can't wait to see how Emerald and Mercury's relationship comes into conflict during the Vacuo arc. Gimme that Emercury angst pretty please.

Vacuo in general. By virtue of the books I think they have the most interesting world building, the food, the culture, the different words for weather phenomenon, the fauna, the nomadic tribes, the history of being a once incredibly beautiful oasis full of everything they needed, then exploited time and again and left with nothing and yet still surviving and carving a home and life for themselves. The world building of Vacuo is one that is inevitably tied to the story because of their fraught history leading to tensions between them and all the refugees from Atlas, Mantle and Vale seeking their aid and shelter in their kingdom, not to mention the Crown seeking to restore the monarchy, it'd be easy for them to be divided and conquered by Salem, and so our heroes have to find a way to overcome that and bring everyone together. So just getting to see the kingdom animated and learn more about its history and culture would be cool. I also like desert punk aesthetic, so I'm hoping whatever new outfits our girls get will have a little of that. (part of me hopes for maybe some Trigun inspiration... we've had Gurren Laggan inspiration in Yang's outfits before!)

I would also say I'm looking forward to seeing my darling cringefail wife Cinder but I don't know if she'll be in Vacuo or with Salem in Vale wrecking shit.

27. Favorite voice performance?

AARON DISMUKE AS OSCAR HANDS DOWN. Him being the VA for Oscar meant I was destined to like him, I usually do with characters he voices. The fact he has to also voice Oscar when controlled by Ozpin, and sometimes Oscar pretending to be Ozpin, and completely nails the subtle differences in all of them is phenomenal. And as the merge progresses he's literally having to mix and merge their voices together too!!! It's crazy!!! The awkward and shy intonation becoming a more sincere and quiet confident voice as Oscar develops, and gaining Oz's mannerisms in speech with a deeper and more serious tone. That is some crazy talent this man has.

Always impressed with how well Linsay Jones and Miles Luna hold up in earlier volumes, they've consistently been the best voice performances from start to present. Also Cherami Leigh as Ilia is absolutely fantastic, it's rare I've heard her get to flex her emotional range like that in her voice work for such a complex character.

28. Fairytale character you'd want to see RWBYfied?

With how character songs are a big thing in the show and semblances that can hypnotize and mind control exist, and instruments sometimes being weapons (gestures to Flynt), I'd love an allusion to The Pied Piper or the Lorelai Siren as a villain of some kind. Bonus if you had a Little Mermaid/Lorelai Siren allusion for that victim/monster/hero duality RWBY likes to play with.

Not technically a traditional fairytale but also very much one, the Last Unicorn, one of my alltime favorite books would be beyond amazing to be alluded to, even a tiny bit. Amalthea the unicorn being the last of her kind, the rest hunted down by a wicked beast at the order of a tyrant. She is associated with silver, the moon, hope and purity constantly. A story that is both a love letter and deconstruction of fairytales, an exploration of the nature of humanity and mortality. Tell me that wouldn't be perfect as an allusion to a Silver Eyed Warrior (also thought to be a myth) trying to find out what happened to the rest of her kind.

29. Favorite opening to sing along too?

TRUST LOOOOOVVVVVEEEE AND OPEN UP YOUR EYESEESSSSS TRUST LOOOOVVVVVEEEE THE TRUTH IS THERE BUT SOMETIMES IN DISGUISE

[donnerpartyofone]

The little pink brain surrounded by stars and flowers at the end of my computer search bar tells me that it is World Brain Health Day, which is insane but maybe that's appropriate. This was a great year to get my ADHD diagnosis and prescription considering the Very Complicated Things that are happening (mostly fine, just A LOT). I have also become aware that the dose of medical meth that I'm on is helping to manage my severe chronic depression, which is pretty awesome since I have tried what feels like "everything" and nothing really works without some gruesome side effect. The main side effect in this case turns up because I'm working a (roughly) 4 days on, 3 days off schedule as recommended by my doctor to avoid building up a tolerance, and I have begun to notice that on the 2nd-or-so day off I have a bit of a snap-back effect that plunges me into a pit of infinite darkness. It helps to remember that when unmedicated I am OFTEN plunging into a pit of infinite darkness, so this is essentially normal. The most positive version of being unmedicated is that I'm at least "pretty depressed" most of the time, and probably not getting as much done, just schlorping around in a general malaise. Just the getting things done is good for my self-esteem anyway. Work helps too, oddly; when I am completely consumed by a big urgent project, it is hard to find the time and energy to fantasize about being dead. Of course obsessive work causes other kinds of wear and tear, but their negativity is less immediately obvious.

Today I am doing the Extremely Complicated training process to write for this pop culture website you have probably heard of. When I was picked to do this I thought, "This is probably too much work for not enough money," and now I'm realizing that it is actually WAY too much work for not NEARLY enough money. But it's good for someone like me while I still don't have a real job, so I'm coping with this ordeal of doing the online training, thinking I'm done, doing my first assignment, realizing there was way more of the online training but I just didn't click the right button or something, revising my assignment, submitting it, realizing there's still MORE stuff I should have fixed and racing through the assignment making little changes and clicking Save after every single one of them never knowing when somebody's is going to start evaluating it, and just praying for death the best. Then at the same time I heard back from an event organizer who totally refused to communicate with me for the last two months so I just cancelled on them like two weeks ago, and now they're telling me they're so sorry and can we please do the event, and I have to have an annoying back-and-forth with the tricky third party this is dependent on, and do all this other stuff I'm suddenly too tired to describe. And THEN AT THE SAME TIME AS THAT I got invited to write more writing for the super awesome company that sometimes publishes me, also for not enough money on the hour but they're apologetic about that and the writing matters to me (and so does the company). And this is all great but my stomach has turned into a rock and my back muscles are fossilizing and I'm in breathe-on-purpose mode and I'm regretting how much coffee I drank and I wish I could calm down with a beer or even a joint or something, but the beer will actually increase my meth uptake and the joint will add to my anxiety in this state, and so I just have to grind my teeth through this until the day is done. I wish I could play for you guys the earsplitting power tool sound from right next door that has been echoing through the neighborhood since 8 o'clock this morning, just as like the OST to this whole experience, but you'll just have to imagine it! I also meant to apply for Real Jobs today, but now it seems clear that that's not going to happen until tomorrow. The End...FOR NOW.

[aroaceconfessions]

i feel so alone. everyone thinks sex is essential in a romantic relationship. i want love. i want a beautiful romantic partnership. but i don't want sex. i just can't do it. i'm trans and it would make me insanely dysphoric, aside from maybe a few acts, but even then i wouldn't want to do it as often as i'm "supposed" to. everyone around me thinks sex is a "need" in a relationship, a dealbreaker. it's fucking depressing. it doesn't matter how good of a partner you are, how much you click, how much of an emotional bond you've built. if sex is off the table, they're "unsatisfied". the relationship is unhappy despite everything else being great. i'm sorry, i struggle so hard to empathise with that. my comfort should be more important than your orgasms. the bond and life we build together should be more important than your orgasms. and at the end of the day, you still have two hands. cope.

i feel like i see so many horror stories from ace people where their partner values sex more than the comfort and boundaries of the person they supposedly love, and it's so accepted and normal to behave that way. so many stories where the ace person made it very clear that they would not be having sex and the partner seemed fine with it until time went on and they became resentful. and the comments on these posts are always like "but remember it's okay to need sex in a relationship that's fine too :)" like yeah no shit!! that's already what we're told!! that's literally what's expected!! most people want sex in their relationships. you aren't the one who's going to have trouble finding a partner because of this expectation. why are YOU so worried? why did you need to butt in and make it about you?

i'm so sure i'm gonna be single forever at this point. how am i ever going to find someone? i just can't wrap my brain around why everyone worships sex. really i can't

Submitted May 19, 2023

[qoldenskies]

hey dawg, me again

thinking again about cc (do i think of anything else? lol no) and just contemplating about their whole situation *cries*

because what a situation they're in in CW like........I've seen some other asks and your responses to them talking about it but like, the "normalcy" that they are going to get to in the epilogue one shot, mm mm mmm. thinking about the road to healing that they must all go through. thinking about how it all boils down to how does one make amends after hurting someone?

(story time to get my point) once when i was playing a contact sport, i hurt a member of my own team on accident, we knocked heads pretty hard. so hard my teammate was one the ground screaming in pain, holding their face. While i managed to stand and walk off with just a bump on my forehead and a slight headache for a few days, i later found out that i'd hit my head against their eye. they had a pretty bad concussion for a while and months later at the optometrist they found out they had a small tear in the corner of their retina. (not trying to trauma dump, i promise i'm getting somewhere!!!)

the point of the story is just, guilt man. I'd hurt my friend, on accident, but i'd still hurt them and pretty badly too. after the collision there was just nothing i could do to make it right. I couldn't undo the hit no matter how much i wanted too. and because of who they were they didn't like anyone making a fuss about them. it was the first time i can remember hurting someone so badly and being aware of the fact that i was the direct cause. It was my fault. And that's how i think leo and raph and mikey feel in a sense. it feels like the same kind of guilt, the same kind of "i hurt you, it was my fault, i'm sorry, but 'i'm sorry' doesn't fix this, we can heal from this but i can't take back anything i did to you, and still, i'm going to be sorry about this forever" and the riveting conclusion of "i never want to hurt you (or anyone) ever again" (even though it wasn't entirely their faults, even though there is so much they can do to help the healing, even though they/you will end up hurting others again; in life it's inevitable) *falls to my knees and rakes them closer to me like you would leaves* *wailing*

i lub you tmnt ninja turtles, i luvh you complicated sibling dynamics, i loob(hate) you passage of time that does not heal the ache but soothes it like a balm *family guy dead pose*

YEAHHHHGHHH YOU GET IT ,,,,, they are ALL crumbling under the weight of what's been put on their family, and it is Immensely traumatic for the three of them, too. obviously they've been in combat before, but never in a way that's so violent. visceral. leo stabbed him and heard the squelch of the blade tearing through donnie's skin and muscle. he felt his body shudder as he screamed under him. raph returned to clarity with his hands around his little brother's throat, right after hearing him beg him not to kill him. they all remember the sound of the sickening snap of his wrist, the way his terrified pleading and sobbing slurred as he slowly gave up. the sound of his skull smacking against the floor. there was a very real moment after the curse broke where mikey thought donnie's last words to him were "im sorry".

they still smelled the blood weeks after the fact. leo had to confront his injuries head-on in order to save his life, HE was the one responsible for saving his life despite what he'd just gone through (after taking a nasty blow to his head too, mind you). it is. insanely traumatic for them. and now they cant hear the sound of donnie screaming or crying at all without flying into a panic. it really goes beyond simple guilt, it's something so much more painful. not to mention the way that the curse twisted their values and coping mechanisms, so now they cant fall back on them anymore.

even if donnie accepted them immediately in the way raph dreamed about, it wouldnt have healed them. even when he can stand them being around him again, he's still going to have triggers, and so are they. they cleaned up all the evidence and fumbled horribly by removing the footage and rebuilt donnie's room because they wanted so badly to undo it, but there's nothing they can do but wait.

its just. arghghhhh its all so messed up and im loving the fuck out of it

[shinozaki-ayumi]

Ok I'm just going to post it lol.

I’ve had this theory about Dead Patient (but I guess now Darkness Distortion too) for ages, but I always felt it was too insane and I was just coping. BUT I finally saw someone on Twitter make a similar connection so I feel comfortable enough to put it out there now.

All my thoughts under the cut! Will contain some spoilers for Blood Drive and Dead Patient if you are new to the series and want to avoid those.

First, regarding Dead Patient:

So I've basically always had this theory that Ayame Itou might somehow actually be Ayumi inside her own Nirvana experiencing amnesia, and that her Nirvana took the shape of a hospital because… idk. I guess because she’s been effectively disabled since the end of Blood Drive and probably has to be in the hospital more often? If I’m remembering correctly, Yoshiki mentions in the Dead Patient drama CD that he has to bring Ayumi to the hospital, so maybe it’s the same one?

Either way it was a very incomplete “theory” and more something I thought up because it would be a fun fic idea lmao. DP isn't finished so there isn't really enough material to build a theory off of; I was mostly going off of their names sounding familiar, the amnesia thing, and the fact that the very first thing we see in DP is a catatonic Ayumi, implying that she is relevant to the story somehow. But I looked a bit more into it and there are a few things here and there that I’ve had some fun theorizing about, even if it's a stretch.

#1: This limited edition alternative costume for Ayame. They could’ve picked any character, but they picked Ayumi (this is a massive stretch, I just thought it was neat and could potentially carry some hints under the guise of a meaningless costume).

#2: The way Ayame’s name is written in hiragana, not kanji. This is pretty uncommon in Corpse Party characters. The vast majority of them use kanji -- except Sachiko (サチコ), Yoshikazu (ヨシカズ), and Yoshie (ヨシヱ), whose names are written in katakana; and Sayaka (さやか) and Ayumi (あゆみ), whose names are in hiragana. Again also a stretch, but an interesting correlation given how their names already sound similar.

And #3: This aspect of Ayame’s background, which is left pretty vague. Since this is a fan wiki I double-checked their source and it does say this in official material. The vagueness of it is obviously meant to correlate to Ayame’s amnesia, but it also leaves it open to the interpretation that maybe an amnesiac Ayumi has trauma-informed responses to these things due to her experiences in HH (even if she doesn’t remember it concretely).

Either way I didn’t really expect this idea to hold any ground and mostly put it away in the back of my mind as a silly thing to build my own post-Blood Drive headcanons with. Certain inconsistencies also existed that made me believe it wasn't possible and I was just looking into it too much (e.g., Ayame's last name is Itou, which both looks and sounds nothing like Shinozaki, so the name similarity point kind of falls off track).

Now, with Darkness Distortion:

We have another character named "Ayame." The ritual/curse in Darkness Distortion is called Ayame's Mercy. In general, people are under the impression that the girl in a wheelchair seen in promotional material is Ayame. I mean, this part of the trailer probably all but confirms that:

Ayumi is also in a wheelchair as of the end of Blood Drive/beginning of Dead Patient:

This time around, the name comparison also holds a bit more value, I think. Darkness Distortion's Ayame's full name is Ayame Kirishima. Someone I follow on Twitter pointed something out about how this new name sounds:

Translation: “I’m saying this very quietly, but, if ‘Ayame-san’ is ‘Ayumi,’ then wouldn’t her surname(?), ‘Kirishima,’ become ‘Kishinuma’?”

We know that Yoshiki is basically Ayumi's caretaker post-Blood Drive (or at least becomes her caretaker sometime between the end of Blood Drive and the start of Dead Patient) and she presumably lives with him. So I suppose it wouldn't be entirely unbelievable that an only semi-conscious or amnesia-riddled Ayumi would latch onto his name as a form of self-identification or just genuinely mistake it for her own?

The question obviously remains whether Ayame Ito and Ayame Kirishima are the same character. I don't really think it's just a coincidence they have the same first name and the setting is a hospital again. The Ayumi connection is questionable, but after getting more thoroughly reacquainted with Blood Drive (I hadn't played it since it came out 10 years ago. Oops) I feel like it's not entirely crazy to think Ayumi could have manifested her own Nirvana like Sachiko did. Maybe Ayame Ito and Ayame Kirishima function similarly to the White Sachiko and Red Sachiko in Blood Covered? (i.e., two separate manifestations of the same soul representing different emotions).

Idk. I don't expect any of this to be true lol. But it's fun to theorize while we wait for real answers.

[cinnamonanddean]

Okay Smallville friends, here we go: finale time.

"And now, the series finale of Smallville" WHAT IF I'M ALREADY SAD

"Special Guest Star: Michael Rosenbaum" wow spoilers much?? I mean not for me obviously but for OG viewers. I would have SCREAMED.

Lois, sweetie, he could be saving people every minute he's doing anything, by that logic. Why is his working at the Planet, etc, any different than spending time with you?

Aww, bye Luthor Mansion. You've been a fun place to stage so, so many Clex fics. Hmm I wonder if there are more fics set there or in the barn loft? I'm torn between them, personally.

Kind of rich for Martha to complain about Clark moving on when she hasn't been around for years. "This is our home" okay but you left him here. He's had to cope without you. It's not fair to put the responsibility of keeping the past alive on his shoulders alone.

Oh no his vows 😭😭😭

I feel like we don't have enough time to wrap up this (rather dull) Darkseid plotline AND have a wedding AND bring Lex back? I know this is a double episode but still. Although I suppose Lex's scene will be short and right near the end.

Oh no her vows 😭😭😭

Again I ask: has there ever been a TV wedding that just goes smoothly?

At least Lois's dress is nicer than Lana's. That bow haunts me.

Is he gonna walk down with her AGGHHHH this is so sweet 😭

Uh oh. Lois girl, pay attention, that's not the right ring. Oh thank god for Chloe.

Can't believe they're doing this to Oliver ☹️ hasn't he suffered enough?

So wait: did Clark Luthor not have powers? Did I miss that? I swear he was throwing people around and shit.

Lol is that a Herve Leger bandage dress on Lois?

Agggh Tom does vulnerable so well. "I can't, Dad" just like a little baby boy, I weep.

OH GOD I KEEP FORGETTING ABOUT ALT!LIONEL, it's a fucking jump scare every time.

Oh my god so this Lex is a fucking Frankenstein?? That's...weird. A Frankenlex.

OH MY GOD HE'S GONNA TAKE TESS'S HEART

IS THAT MICHAEL?? Wait probably not, we didn't see his face.

YES GIRL KICK THEIR ASSES

YES GIRL KILL THAT OLD BASTARD!

God this Darkseid CG is so bad

Omg omg omg omg omg OH MY GODDDDD

Oh I hate when they take an already blurry photo and then CSI-style ENHANCE! it to magically unblur it

OH MY GOD OKAY HERE WE GO

I see one of the Franken-pieces was his sassy ass mouth. God I've missed him.

Lex, honey, you've been back for thirty seconds and you're already waxing poetic about how he says your name??? I see another of the Franken-pieces was the need to make every interaction so incredibly gay. "Yet...with a hopeful finish" oh my god honestly

Apologies in advance: I might have a comment on every line of this dialogue.

Oh dear, you can see the bald cap a bit when he raises his eyebrows. I remember Michael said the bald cap was more trouble than just shaving his head lol

Lord, it wouldn't be a proper Lex return without a history speech. HONEY I'VE MISSED YOUUU!

"that's the thing about memories: you can't forget them" mmmm I don't think that's true baby.

Oh gosh the vitriol.

"You and I - we will both be great men. Because of each other." Honey the WAY you talk about the two of you. THE VOICE CRACK. "We have a destiny together, Clark, only on different sides."

Everything he says sounds like a love confession I'M SO SORRY BUT IT DOES

Stop wait one fucking minute here. The last piece of Clark's little "am I strong enough to face this threat" puzzle, the last person to give him the courage and the conviction to do what he needs to do - is LEX FUCKING LUTHOR??? NOT LOIS NOT HIS PARENTS NOT CHLOE BUT LEX??????? oh my god what is happening that is INSANE OF THEM

I need to watch that again. Gosh I haven't done that since the Lexana scene from Fracture.

HAHA I missed Lex's joke about Lionel's heart the first time around. Why is he so funny

God Michael is so fucking good. He just elevates the tone. It's really what's been missing from these last seasons. The others are good - Tom is so good, I'm not discounting him at all - but Michael is on another level.

Hmm seemed a bit too easy killing the Prophets

Oh poor John Glover. This is Not Good. He was always so suave and cool as Lionel, this is a step down.

Aww look how far our sweet boy has come 😭 I'm so proud of him.

HE'S FLYING 😭😭😭

OH I DIDN'T KNOW WE GOT MORE LEX I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST THE SCENE WITH CLARK

Ahh jeez. I kinda came around to Tess. She wasn't Lex but she was fun.

Oh riiiiiiight, I forgot he gets his memory wiped. Again.

OH MY GOD THE LAST MEMORY IS HIM AND CLARK OF COURSE IT FUCKING IS

Lol what the fuck does he think is happening, now that he can't remember?

THE LUTHORCORP SIGN TURNING INTO LEXCORP THAT WAS SO RAD

Our baby finally in the suit 😭

Girl I don't think they just let you film the President like that. That camera is gonna be taken away IMMEDIATELY.

Oh yeah I forgot about Jimmy. That was...a choice.

ALL HAIL PRESIDENT LEX!!!!

"yes Miss Lane" "that's so hot" girl yes it is.

Oh the theme 😭 what an ending

That was so great. A bit hokey in parts, but overall such a satisfying finale. What a ride.

[03fbrryboy]

"A" Means Lose

by Bobby Yusuf

I believed my feeling from the first place That this would end in suffocating hurt We were a good plan of the devil Never a prayer of angels around

I undo the change of year every February I try to relocate the ending, extend the hours It's still just playing a credit Adding names that are just not his face

To coping with a true love like him Just to find out I keep killing in my slumber

Thankfully, someone didn’t send me to cure Almost, I sent myself where he is I told the unknowing people 'Cause I thought it could calm my nerves

But they knew I was so mad The way I marked him with probabilities And the curse of possibilities That he would sit next to me

They always called him a choice I always called him fate To see his name written first on the attendance list But I lost him and his name in my card design

"A" means loss, the times taken

"Bobby, I know the wind is impolite Comes just to hit you and leaves the rest So will you call that political or incompetency?"

"Bobby, I know tears run from gravity Every time you see scenes around Why are you still counting him unconsciously?"

"Bobby, I'm confused and concerned I'm not going to beg for a solution When we're one mind with no clever contrast To resolve this year's inflammation."

I remember it all too well His name written first on the attendance list And for me, it was his smile that defined my grade

'Cause what's "A" for?

If it means losing a great life that you could take From our school to one of our hometowns And creating a yearning that never comes To its ultimatum?

They say, find your heaven And take a moment to see and enjoy it I never learned that honesty of perspective How there's no quote I can put out

Saying I can hold it or take it with my hands

They say, I'm better off And take a moment to look at your friends I never learned that bitter perspective How there's no quote I want to put out

Saying I better take a look at myself

'Cause it makes me weak Every time I have to pass February I can see myself dancing on the sidewalk It gives me goosebumps how I can picture

The insanity he left He could heal it, I believe But he's just gone with all of himself There's nothing left for me

And I got A’s in all the classes we passed At the exact time I knew something was so fragile Made of two young hearts That I already cracked, finally broken

I still remember it all too well His name written In the first list of class attendance His name written in the first list of my faithful heart.

[mihai-florescu]

"This is beyond a ship and beyond an otp and i will stop before i start sounding insane" no omg by all means, this resonates with me, please carry on... "because all roads lead to wataei<3" i feel so seen right now, you're so real for all of your takes <3 my ship is mafuena from project sekai, i'm their strongest soldier.

I saw your ask i was about to shower so i spent about half an hour monologue ranting about wataei to myself and i dont think i remember everything to write it again but i'll try a little bit.

I am thinking about how wataei can be seen by people who havent read their stories (or how other characters see them in canon from afar) as "guy stockholm syndromes his crush that he bullied into loving him" but reading any of their stories shows you that's really not the case at allll and it's Wataru who has the upper hand over Eichi's life. How many times has Eichi just *thought* that Wataru actually hates and will leave him and stopped thinking clearly. And how many times has Wataru enabled Eichi's jealous behavior.

And it all goes back to the fact that Wataru saved Eichi's life. Multiple times, Wataru unknowingly (and then knowingly) reaches out to Eichi and gives him another reason to live. First on the hospital tv inspiring a sickly young boy to start loving idols, then after the war, when Eichi is about to let himself die, Wataru pulls him back into the story. Eichi thinks he deserves to die for his actions and here is Wataru stopping him, giving him a chance to write a happy ending for everyone.

I know Wataru says he didn't hate Eichi for the events that unfolded in the war but I do think at the time he wasn't honest. Not with himself, i think he really wanted to treat it from an outsider perspective as a coping mechanism, and brush it off, not treating real life as more than a play (which is why him saying that Eichi taught him reality is more beautiful than anything else is so important. They make each other grow and become better but at the same time they can also enable each other's bad parts through jealousy and misplaced attention. They're everything. And another tangent, I'm sorry, but I wonder if another reason Wataru called Tsumugi the best clown and thought he could take the role was because at the time they were both perceiving life as not really happening to them? Tsumugi because he's desensitized, and Wataru because he distances himself from feelings and events by treating them as a play. Which is why he was struggling with those last words from *himself* to the eccentrics regarding their youth together. He gets fully invested in his roles playing them perfectly, but they're not him. And that's why in the beginning he thinks that he too will be able to leave, but throughout that next year he lets go of the "life is a play and i'm doing whatever roles are required of me" mentality that culminates in offering his mask to Eichi at the end of the year. This is me, and i offer this to you. But there are other moments on the way such as him telling Eichi he acted upon a selfish wish in Diner Live to be on the same stage together as Wataru Hibiki and Eichi Tenshouin. Sorry for the long detour). But as he reassures in every later story over and over again, he came to love Eichi the more they spent time together. It's just so important to me that they actively choose to be together.

I don't remember exactly what else I was thinking about in the shower but i know i was giggling at some point about Wataru's "Keito calls himself Eichi's right hand, but Eichi is left handed" observation. It is all so much better post Blackbird. Keito was the author of the war with Eichi, but Wataru was the one creating the story of the ! era by Eichi's side. I really am so, so curious what the final Fine event will be. And then, beyond, in the next era...

[candythepuppy]

Insanely basic steps for writing Autistic characters:

(I have Autism, so this one rings close to home.)

1. I would recommend looking up the traits of Autism, both common and not, to pick and choose from. Obviously, you can't just shove every single trait into one character. That would be cringe. But at least for now gather together all the ones you can find. (Bonus points if you do some extra research and get a feeling for why such traits exists and what it is like to have them.)

2. So, you know generally what an Autistic person looks like. Nice. Now, pick out the traits you think would work best for YOUR character. That's right. As a writer, you essentially get to play GOD, so use that power wisely my friends. Remember to think about what fits your character's story the best.

Example: In my "The Last Human" book Steve has lived on his own for a remarkably long amount of time. This has made him terribly...terrible at communicating and getting close with others. The subtle Autistic traits, such as being touch avoidant and easily overwhelmed in social situations, is only meant to fan the flames a little more.

Basically, don't try to make your character all about Autism. Instead, pick out traits that will only add to the character you have already created.

3.1. Taking whatever traits you have chosen for your Autistic character, whether it be certain stims, difficulty hearing, or pain tolerance, it is time to fit all of these things into your character's backstory. Remember that someone's traits are formed as a coping mechanism for said character's weaknesses. (I, for instance, am particularly sensitive to noise, so I -- being a shy person -- tend to shut down if in a really loud environment. My 'coping mechanism' is blocking out the noise around me by retreating into my own mind. Dissociating, as you may also call it. This, in turn, has essentially coaxed me from birth into having a very large inner world to which I retreat to.) It's all about cause and effect.

Your character's past can affect their traits just as much as their traits can affect their past. It is a vicious cycle that you just have to figure out how to balance.

Example: Say your character is really outgoing and one of their traits is that they are very sensitive to light. This person may naturally gravitate towards being a night owl or only agree to go to events if it is later in the evening. But since they are so outgoing and may have a hard time knowing ahead of time whether or not an event will meet their needs, they might end up becoming the person in the friend group who always hosts the events. That way, they have full control over every single aspect of the setting that might trigger them.

3.2. And of course, for the more dramatic character backstories, if your Autistic character lost their entire family in a blazing fire, perhaps give them really sensitive hearing or something, so on top of everything they witness, it will be the sound..or the smell..that ticks them off the most. Maybe the smell was overwhelming, and even getting a whiff of it again instantly reminds them of the event. Fun concept for writing PTSD in general~ Sorry, I'm off topic again.

Or say your character's backstory deals more with long term abuse from a parental figure trying to turn their child into the next greatest villain or something. In that case, their traits may adjust accordingly. Hyper-fixation is a good one. Perhaps they teach themselves to hyper-fixate on "important" things like practicing magic or perfecting their fighting style. This can go to an obsessive level thanks to their hyper-fixation. They may not even notice their knuckles are bleeding or their hair is on fire. (Which is an actual trait I have dealt with while training in martial arts. "Oh I'm bleeding?? Sorry, didn't even notice.")

4. And finally but arguably one of the most important steps is naturally weaving their traits into the character's story going forward.

Example: Again from ma' pal Steve, he throughout the story had to learn to use moderation when it came to his obsessive, one-track minded behavior. He had to learn to enjoy taking it slow and not overwork himself so hard. One of his stims was actually jogging, so whenever he broke his leg, it was an especially big deal, since he could no longer do whatever helped to calm him down. Such a small problem quickly grew into a big deal that had to be faced head on...all thanks to the inclusion of his Autistic traits.

As you may have noticed, I never used any "truly Autistic" examples. I didn't tell you how to write a visit with the therapist where the two talk about the character's struggles. I didn't give any tips on how to write a meltdown realistically. And I most certainly didn't say anything about writing a socially inept kid trying to make friends.

Wanna know why? Because that's a bit repetitive at this point. By now, pretty much everyone knows what Autism is. You shouldn't have to spell it out for your readers unless it is 100% crucial to the plot and characters driving said plot.

Bonus tip:

Just being real here. Saying up front that your character is Autistic right away, or advertising them as such, will in the end ruin people's perception of them. They will go, "oh, well I am not Autistic, so I can't relate." and not emotionally connect to the character as much as they would have if the lable was left ambiguous. Either that, or they will question why this is not an "Autistic story."

I have nothing against "Autistic stories," but they're all the same in my experience at least, and by this point everyone already knows what to expect from one of these stories. And that takes away from the magic of storytelling.

So, it's perfectly alright to tell people, "Hey, my character is Autistic." However, it is when people advertise their character as such or bank on people only liking them because they are Autistic that I have to ask you to chill. Advertising Autism leads to less immersion, since the diagnosis is expected to be at the center of it all. And expecting people to like your character only because they are "quirky/Autistic" is just asking for people to roll their eyes and walk away, uninterested.

Sorry if this post was a little too long. I had a lot to say... Seeya! 👋

[macawritesupdates]

Ow ow ow ow hey damn I need to wrap that poor angsty Sukuna up in a blanket burrito like a little baby (feral) kitten and hold him until he calms down. I need to swaddle that man like a baby until the pain inside his chest goes away. I need to smack that Yuuji upside the head and force him to see what he's done. Fuck man excellent chapter now I have to cry. The emotional whiplash I just experienced was insane BTW I just finished watching a rom com with my family and I checked your fic for an update only to get that. Again phenomenally written but I went from laughing to sitting in a fetal position on the couch feeling intense emptiness in my chest. Ooof I haven't even read the fluff chapter you wrote to offset this pain I think I need more time to process it before I can just move on. I hope the person who requested this chapter is happy with it. God my chest hurts. Ok OK listen maybe it'll be OK it's totally possible to survive a fall or maybe Yuuji will catch him or some thing and then he'll realize how much he still loves Sukuna and they'll fix things. Or Sukuna will hit his head survive and get amnesia and forget the whole relationship and then move on without being tortured by what he lost. Yuuji can then realize how much he still loves Sukuna but its too late the mans regained his lost fire and moved on and subconsciously remembers the pain so he refuses to let Yuuji get close. Idk I'm just trying to cope. Man I was always told that it's very cruel to continue to date someone out of pity if you know that the relationship isn't working you just have to end it because its cruel to keep dragging things out and to waste their time it'll only make the heartbreak worse in the end thanks for writing a chapter that so clearly illustrates why that's important. A clean break would have been better than dragging things out thus slowly killing something inside Sukuna as he tries to fix things on his own. Fuck the way he acted submissive hurt he changed himself but that's not good at all. I always hated people who date others with a certain personality type and then expect their partner to change completely for them I think those people suck especially when it seems like once their partner gives in they start to lose interest. The reason I bring that up is I wonder if by acting more submissive Sukuna stopped acting like his firey confident self when it was his intensity and his fire that Yuuji fell in love with in the first place. Not that Yuuji told Sukuna to act more submissive I just wonder if it had something to do with him not feeling the "spark" anymore. Although he changed his behavior in response to Yuuji chsnging his so maybe yuuji started it and then the spark didn't come back because there was no fire left. Ahhh it was a good one i think I'll just sit on it for a bit before I can move on. Ahh man my emotions are in shambles tonight good work. Thanks for writing and sharing with us I'm gonna go contemplate the curse of love. I'm gonna go read that chapter of the yuuji files where Sukuna goes through Yuuji's head and evening confesses to recover as soon as I feel like a person again and not a boneless pile of goo with an unlimited void where my heart should be.

...

Then eventually I'll get to the cute cowboy chapter and maybe finally remember to comment on the latest chapter of broken in ways no one sees.

It is rare to see fics where Yuuji's desire to be kind and thinks what he is doing is right can turn to unintentional cruelty ; w ; I always felt that there is a lot of potential to look at Yuuji from a point where he could be cruel in his own ways and this fic gave me an excuse to poke at that!

Even if it did hurt a lot to write it ; w ; Go read the comfort fics you need to regain your form! It will be a little bit before the next angst (depends on how long this MoL update takes 83;;)