#this is how I spend my free time idk
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here is just a silly little video I made for no reason lol.
#this is how I spend my free time idk#hogwarts legacy#hl#sebastian sallow#hogwarts legacy mc#mc#Matty Ambrose#Esme Greenwood#Hope McGowan#Zerena Black#Hogwarts legacy memes
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yet again, chat noir has gotten me out of art block, and become my default for when i don't know what character to draw,,,,, HE'S JUST STANDING THERE! BEING PRETTY!!! IDK MAN
#another one of those drawings that took an ungodly amount of time for some reason#(i spend too much time making my lines clean)#anyway#I REALLY LIKE THIS ONE? IDK WHAT DRUGS I WAS TAKING TO MAKE ME DRAW THE ANATOMY THIS WELL BUT I'LL TAKE IT#this is super refreshing cause i feel like my art has been really lacking lately and i haven't been drawing as much as i want to#and then i did this cause the iPad is very convenient and i really like it!!! :D#(((((debating whether i want to get an iPad for myself or not)))))#ml#mlb#miraculous#miraculous ladybug#chat noir#my art#ml leak free#i made him more soft beef than the usual skinny lanky that i do and it was fun :)#also yeah i did the shading by hand idk how to download procreate brushes
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Hey. Just wanted to put my two cents in, like everyone else on Tumblr dot com is. (It got pretty long so putting it under a cut)
I don't really care about what you think should happen to the fandom. Like. If you are going to continue to engage in the fandom without giving Neil any sort of gain is fine. I'm personally still on the fence on what the fuck to do now. But let's not make that the whole focus, yeah? What Neil allegedly did was fucking terrible. Like. Objectively worse than what JKR did when things first came out about her. Let's forget good omens and sandman and coraline for a minute (don't care if you still engage with those things or burn your copies and remove your tattoos, let's just put it down for a minute.) and try really hard to think. Because we all hated JKR. We burned her reputation to the ground. For good reason. But we can't even decide if we hate Neil Gaiman yet? Guys. Please. We have to believe all women. Plus he's a rich fucking white dude who has admitted to using his power for gain.
And if it turns out (which this is a 8% chance) that this is all not what it seems to be, or even all of it is fabricated, and Neil is innocent, we still gotta stop worshipping this dude. This has got to be a wakeup call that he's not some Messiah. He's a human dude in power who does the same shitty things human dudes in power do.
And I get it. You want to continue to like your stories that he helped create (key-word 'helped' bc he was a part of a team with a lot of these stories, including Sir Terry Pratchett) but me personally? I would be a massive hypocrite if I metaphorically burned my Harry Potter stories to the ground and put HP fans in my DNI because of JKR but said "separate the art from the artist" with Neil Gaiman.
And this is coming from any other Good Omens fan that became way too attached to the story. Like a lot of people have said that story helped in very. Very fucking trying times. It was my rock, some days the only thing keeping me going. The fandom has been an amazing place of creativity and community and love.
But so was Harry Potter. If you think about it. If any Good Omens fans were previous Harry Potter fans you'll know just how wide spread and open and creative and deep the hp fandom was. And this may just be me misremembering because it was a couple years ago at this point (plus everything with Neil Gaiman is still such news) but because JKR was spouting rhetoric that directly harmed us (us being majority queer and poc people) we drop-kicked hp pretty fast and focused on the artist and her shittiness.
Can we have the same attitude towards Neil? Can we separate the art from the artist long enough to fucking focus on Neil? When I say separate the art from the artist I don't mean "remove artist, continue to enjoy art" I mean "remove the art and focus on the artist, and study that motherfucker". How many video essays are their out about JKR? How many books referencing her terribleness? Without giving so much as a hint to Harry Potter?
Separate the art from the artist and focus on the artist and bringing him to justice. And believe the victims.
And yeah I can see your arguments against the source of the information and who the victims went to tell their stories, I can understand those arguments, but let's look at the data, okay? Let's look at what Scarlett and K actually said with their actual words and their actual messages and separate the source from the material. What Scarlett and K talked about is scary. Terrifying. I couldn't even read more than a little bit before I got triggered. I wasn't caring about how the source podcast was talking about it. What Scarlett and K said with their own words should be enough. Make your own judgements. If you can't look at a story without being influenced by the storyteller's hidden agenda and not have critical thinking skills????? I'm sorry but that's going to be your downfall.
Or better yet, if you can't believe victims because they have political views that differ from your own (which, they probably don't. From what I can tell nobody really fucking knows what Scarlett and K's political views are but it doesn't really matter) you need to really study and look into what you mean when you call yourself a "leftist". Because it's not very progressive or helpful to not believe or help victims because of their political views. Sorry. Is that wild for me to say? Idk
Uh anyways. I don't really care what you do in your free time when it comes to enjoying the fandoms. I don't necessarily think it makes you a terribly shitty person for still engaging in it instead of burning all your Neil Gaiman stories, and also like a lot of people have said (and since I'm on the same boat) treating fans like the scum of the earth when a lot of fans have had good omens as a way to escape and has become super dependent on good omens and are justifiably horrified by everything and trying to ignore it is shitty. But I'm personally going to continue to follow this story because I care about the victims. Not because I want to be guilt-free reading a fanfic about an angel and a demon. Because I care about real life people.
#neil gaiman#god I'm just so scrambled about everything#I would make a post about how it's oh so terrible because I love good omens and it's helped me so much and yadda#but this isn't about me#i can push away my things and my feelings because this isn't about me#i don't want this to be about me#i seriously think that Scarlett and K deserve better#because they're people#i don't care that Neil Gaiman is a 'huge' trans ally#he hurt people. even progressives can hurt people.#i can't tell you how many cool people I looked up to WHO WERE PROGRESSIVES that were shitty. and horrible.#like genuinely I've had to stop engaging with like. five leftists. this year.#idk. if you still enjoy sandman and good omens and coraline good for you I guess#i couldn't care less about how you spend your free time#but for the love of GOD don't promote neil. or defend him. because he wrote your favorite stories.#don't give him any sort of help and any sort of way to get farther and farther away from the justice he must be served.#and you shouldn't care about what I or others are doing with the fandom#everyone should just forget about fandom and focus on this#it's sickening. genuinely.#good omens#sandman#coraline
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Reading my own ff then getting mad there's no more chapters. I fucking cliffhanged myself
#i think#no idk#maybe im doing somewhat better now? than i was? but am at a complete creative standstill rn#just am in recovery mode i think#also my problems havent gone away and some of them are worse. just how im coping w them has improved a tiny bit#:D fun this is a fun post#oh yah so one of my problems might be carpel tunnel (need to book a doc appt to find out)#so like. spending all my free time drawing/writing is just. i cant without making it worse#(be it carpel tunnel or smth else it is definitely a wrist injury of some kind and uh. it hurts)
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took myself on a little shopping trip yesterday in the city where i used to study in hopes of lifting my spirits but by the end of the day i felt so disheartened. wandering the same streets 10 years later and not much has changed. i’m still the same lonely unlovable girl.
#i just wanted to have a good time and not rot in bed for once on my work free weekend but of course my brain can’t let that happen#it was such a lovely day actually the weather was sunny and windy it wasn’t too hot or cold ideal weather to stroll through the city#i had delicious food and found some comfortable clothes but at the end of the day i just felt so empty and worn out#seeing all these couples and friend groups and families and i’m still all by myself after so many years#tbh i’m even lonelier now than i was 10 years ago back then i at least had a few friends#idk what i’m doing with my life tbh.. i just want to be happy but even when i take myself on a cute little date i end up feeling miserable#bc it just hits me how truly lonely i am#i fear i’m incapable of forming any genuine relationships anymore bc i had so many bad experiences that i just stopped trying to connect..#with anyone.. even though i crave community friendship companionship and love i completely shut myself off from the world#i’m not even sure what i’m trying to say with all this.. i wish i knew how to be a person in this world#i wish i could be happy#tbh ever since i got back from my italy vacation i’ve been feeling depressed bc life could be so beautiful if i didn’t have to sacrifice..#almost all of my time for work#the post vacation depression is too real…#realizing you can only spend a very limited time traveling and enjoying yourself bc you have to work most of the time just to afford living#let me stop.. i keep rambling and my thoughts are falling like a waterfall#idk what’s wrong with me… i should have breakfast and put my phone away#sorry to anyone who actually reads all this word vomit#☁️
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i finished thesis, won an award, and have graduated.. hello 👋🥸
#i'm not coming back but :') hello#i forgot i even had tumblr still on my phone djdkdkdkdk#i just opened it for the first time in ??? 5 months or smth i think idk for sure#life is weird :')#remember when i said i wanna drop out every day of my life :') bc i suck at design#welp i won an award for my design thesis :')#jsjdjdkdkdkdj#turns out having friends kinda changes your life 🫂#having friends at school has actually :') made me a happier more normal person lol#i haven't been miserable?? i haven't wanted to kms ... i have been so happy and yes school was shitty but i wanted to go and try hard bc#my friends motivated me to stay and try and that's crazy :') idk#felt really loved and like i belonged somewhere for the first time in my life 🫨 like woah ppl like me and wanna be my friend? me??#:') i'm really happy... isn't that weird#i used to want to kms every other day hsjdndkdkdks lol 😭#now i'm like 😭 every day i look forward to waking up bc i'm happy and i have ppl who love me and i wanna see them again and i wanna spend#time with them again and play games with them again :')#literally stayed up till ??? 4 am yesterday talking to one of them like#😭#god jm djjdkdkdkd idk :')#my life is good...#???? IM NOT MISERABLE IDK GUYS#wild af#even winning the award was such a shock like 🥲 damn . who ? me?#ppl from like :') this big design thing in toronto we're praising it too like djdjdodjdkdj#:') it's kinda crazy.. i was super !#man.. i cant believe how 5 months ago i was gonna kms 🥸👆 and now i'm like erm actually maybe we do need to live#:') anyway#i hope ppl on here are doing good 🫨🔨#it is sad to not be here as much but also 👋😌 i'm happy to be free at the same time so ✨
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alright guys big question time
i can think of pros and cons for if i get into it and try it out or not so idk
#also idk if this means anything but. i literally no nothing abt crocheting or anything adjacent to that#idk how to even tag this so im hoping my followers and mutuals will vote lolol;;#idk. i want to but also if im not perfect at it then whats even the point lmao (/j but also not really)#bunni mumbles#delete later#crocheting seems so fun to do but i know ill just end up in tears and extremely frustrated if i try#and if i have free time to pick up that hobby that i should be spending that time writing tbh....because. i really need to do that again-#-and finish my shit lmao
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crossing off another one of the art ideas on my list today UWU
my list..............
#have fun trying to descramble#if anyone correctly figures out any of these i will be impressed#idk if ill ever get to everything but i sure would like to try to draw most#me: hey how about i spend my free time off work finishing some games and going to local events and museums?#also me: DRAW SAW EVERY DAY#jennilargh
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i'm well aware there are single parents out there working full time but i think working full time and living alone with my dog is about to put me in a psychward
#why cant i handle what other people seem to handle effortlessly lmao#im so fucking exhausted and burnt-out i need demonic possession to save me or smth#like please @ random demon you will do a better job for sure#idk its like. my dog is now spending so much time alone when im at home that i feel really guilty#if i wanna go out or do anything that doesnt involve her#i have no damn time and energy#i might spend half a free day cleaning but its all a mess anyway#and then i will come back home like today just exhausted after 5 days of work in a row#and i just wanna take her for a walk and get myself smth to eat and chill a little#and i find! is poop all over the damn floor i finally managed to wash like a day ago#and it stinks so fucking bad i nearly throw up cleaning up#and then have a breakdown in the bathroom. as you do.#HOW DO PEOPLE LIVE LIKE THIS I AM SO FUCKING EXHAUSTED#its also not fair to my dog idk this sucks so much#i doubt anyone read all this bht if you did hi and sorry#needed to vent unfortunately#wah im TIRED
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ngl ive been thinking abt moving back here and being primarily active here again. the bot followers on twitter are starting to piss me off real bad
#ill still be using twitter ofc its kinda hard to stop using it when its so easy to get news on there rly quickly#but otherwise im thinking abt mainly posting here again... i havent been going on twitter that much lately anyway..........#its just funny how i moved to twitter in like 2018 bc i thought it was nicer to post on and then some rich douchebag took over#now the site is just a huge piece of shit like he is#i know its not much better here but at least i dont have to deal with bots 🙄#whatever. ill fink abt it#i dont have much to post anyway ive been spending most of my free time playing video games. and by video games i mean honkai star rail#if i feel like it ill talk abt my sillies here i suppose. maybe ask me abt things. idk#ask me abt gallagher ill write an essay for you#allyrambles
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:c
#i luv my friends ;-; i feel like i’m gonna lose my mind when i’m not living right by all my friends lmao 😭#i’ve literally been hanging out w ppl like at least every other day if not every day#we made semi spontaneous plan to go to pride tmrwwweww 🥹🥹 i’m excited#i just am so happy that i get to spend sm time w ppl rn bc we’re all somewhat free bc summer 😭#also idk i was just thinking abt this recently but like#it’s kinda new to me to like actually be comfortable/confident in knowing my friends want/like my presence ;-;#even then i’m not that confident LMAO bc after sm time together i’m like surely they’ll get sick of me#like we’ve seen each other every day the past like three days#but no 🥹 ugh like idk man i had one elementary to sort of middle and high school friendship#that like fucked me up i feel like lmfao 💀#like girl sidelined me so much for other friends that i just#:l and cried so much bc of that 😀 anyway 😀#so like idk i’m just so grateful rn 😭😭😭#also was thinking abt it recently bc my mom made me feel judged/ made me feel like she was annoyed that i was staying here on campus#when i technically don’t need to and my main/only reason is bc friends#and after that conversation w her i got kinda annoyed bc i was like#i have had so many conversations w you where i was sad af or frustrated that my friends wouldn’t reach out to me ever#or my friend who never paid attention to me when other friends were around#like i don’t think she’s actually judging like me staying for friends but it was that one conversation we were both kinda annoyed idk#and i was just like . pls#anyway 😀 i always have so many friend thoughts i always be overthinking it LOL#anyway anyway i need to be up in like 6 hrs LOLLLLLL pride tho yay 🥰🥰🥰#rip me not having clean cute clothes for this LOL 🤪#ong last yr i tied my hair in a ponytail w like rainbow hair ties tied down the ponytail……#idk if i have those but if i do maybe i should do that again LOL#idk might be too lazy tho we’ll see how much time i have to get ready when i wake up 🤡#jeanne talks#TOO MUCH BYE
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they should make a life where you don't have appointments, work, school and scheduled events every single day for months on end
#i just wanna spend like 2 full days rotting in bed is that too much to ask#december i'm going on a vacation with family + gf and we're trying to schedule a lunch/dinner so that we can go over the itinerery#and other stuff like my gf is diabetic so she's going to tell everyone the procedures in case of an emergency etc#and the soonest i'm available for that is oct 20th like bruh#every week day i've got classes 7:30-11:50 work 13:00-17:00 and then gym therapy or futsal practice at night#oh and sometimes the professor that i'm the student assistant (? monitor in pt) for wants me to go to her night classes#and then on weekends i've got futsal practice sat morning usually a match either saturday or sunday legal advice clinic 4x a semester#and then birthdays friend group meetups (with ppl i haven't properly seen in a WHILE so i don't wanna bail) family stuff or gf's family stu#oh and i take care of the finances of our futsal team so there's that as well#and then when i'm free i spend my time with my love (who i mostly see on either day of the weekend and sometimes for dinner on weekdays)#those are my favorite “appointments” i love spending time with her so much but even though we have quite a few staying in dates we also#pretty frequently go out to cafes restaurants parks meet up with mutual friends etc#so like... no bed rotting ever adfdsal#honestly i am not THAT busy compared to some ppl that i know#like i work from home most days of the week commute only 20 min to college am not a part of any study group etc etc#but man... that vyvense sure is working cause i do not think i would be able to do what i do now when my adhd was unmedicated#also i'm thinking of maybe getting a new internship next year cause even though i love my current one it's in public law which atm#is the field i'm thinking of getting into after school but getting into private law in brazil with only public law uni experience is#incredibly difficult. so i wanna be 100% sure i actually want public law. which means experiencing private law.#which means a private law internship#so i'm wondering how the fuck imma be able to pull that off next year#at least it pays much more than my current one! like probably double!#but honestly even with all the shit that i do and wishing i had more time for myself i've actually been so happy lately#i'm learning more at uni than i used to be able to i do pretty well at my internship i've got wonderful friends both old and new#my family is well and we get along like always i switched positions in futsal and am doing suprisingly good as a goalkeeper#and i'm in my first ever relationship. it's been almost 8 months till we made it official and it blows me away how good it's been#like we haven't faught once. disagreed on a couple things sure. but not a single fight and tbh even disagreements are very rare#idk we communicate and give each other grace and i just feel so loved. she knows me so well. i love her so so so so much.#like man just this saturday we were having an early dinner at a bakery. she stopped what she was saying and just stared at me smiling#and like i couldn't hold eye contact. cause she's so so fucking beautiful and she was looking at me with so much love and i had to look awa
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Overwhelmed by nostalgia actually
#this will sound SO elitist of me#but#i miss my summer course at the boarding school that was closed after the summer and they carved out an artificial lake on the manor grounds#and converted the cozy two-person dorm rooms to have bunk beds to fit six to eight kids#apparently they also 'refurbished' a historic building on the site :(#i mean i'm glad someone is taking care of the site - it's so beautiful#but i miss the way it was soooo much and there's no way to go to that place again except in memories#and then !! sequel - cambridge 2019#granted it would probably be much the same as a town if i went in summer again but it really was when i learned how much i love university#but yeah deeply sad and insane about [redacted] manor i miss it sooooo much#one of my teachers actually really liked me and wanted to seriously talk about me studying there full time oabdlskdödldöfo#obviously it was never going to happen because who pays english boarding fees when you can study 100% for free at home#but what if in an alternate universe i did study there#idk i don't feel that sad about THAT missed chance#mostly because i'm legit replicating it w my master's#but i do wonder if i'm going to spend the rest of my life chasing similar places and the way i felt that summer when i was 15 🥹#if you send me a dm and we're friends etc i will show you pictures of the manor because it looks amazing
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theOrEticalLy . if I opened commissions at some point. would there be. a smackerel of interest . ??
#i have never opened them bc it’s intimidating and I don’t know how to price things!!#but mostly bc i work full time w a good salary so I don’t really need side things to make money#like it feels selfish to suggest that people should pay me to make fanart?? When#a) I already do that for free bc i enjoy it lol#and b) there are so many creators out there who are struggling to make ends meet#and I am privileged enough to generally not have to worry about that#this would be just like extra spending money to fund my scented candle habit DHDJDN#and the clothes I just bought while trying to Discover My Vibe and Finally Be Myself (at age 28 lol)#also tbh it would likely be reinvested in other commissions bc I buy commissions fairly often lol#anyway. idk the idea of commissions always sounded cool but also guilt inducing and scary#it feels weird and silly bc it would make me have to take my art seriously if that makes sense??#like me saying ‘I think I’m good enough at art that people would buy it from me.’ that feels so bold and like. arrogant or something dhjsjd#coming from me I mean. just a silly little guy who still struggles to draw human limbs properly#ok I’m thinking about how I’d have to make a commission sheet and put a dollar sign on my art and I’m aaaaaaa#and I’d have to execute exactly what people want and what if I can’t!!!#omg ok maybe noT help lol#well im not committing to anything rn im simply. asking a question while the dash is asleep and then running off to bed seeya#i think part of me always wanted to try commissions to see if I could be a Real Artist about it ??#and potentially end up with like. Portfolio pieces ??#why I would need an art portfolio I don’t know. I am an editor. What do I think I will be doing here#ppl left comments on my animatic that have been giving me crazy what if thoughts. sit down#don’t look at me#ohhh swirly brain thoughts I need to sleep
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It feels like it's impossible for me to learn much more German if I don't start paying some money to somebody
#Like yes I could use one of a million ''free'' language learning apps. but i cannot stand being nagged to pay for a subscription#or have harsh limits placed on when and how i can learn. For me they are not ''free'' in the slightest.#and they are resources that are truly free but none of them could be said to be all-in-one.#and i am steadily losing morale spending the time and energy to find them and try to structure them coherently together.#i need something that's like ''yes this has everything you need to learn german.#here's a routine that works for some number of people''#so like. i could either pay $60 for a subscription to an app. or I could find a local class. which idk how expensive thatd be#or i could keep trying to learn this all on my own with no guidance or supervision#other than asking my german friend the occasional question
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absjhdjshsks i wanna learn a language so bad i want. to learn the words and speaking it but oh god why does it cost so much money why is there no straightforward way
like theres online apps but if you want anything competent its generally pricey and will never be perfect theres textbooks which again. costly and wont teach everything i assume person on person or actual classes in person or online would be the most effective way but then. ppl scary and expensive and. it doesnt seem worth it to spend that much money regularly on smth thats not for a job or a proper reason itd just be bcs i want it n that feels stupid. so im just gonna sit here really wanting to
#LANGUAGES R SO NEAT I WANNA LEARN THEM SO BAD BUT ALAS#its not even the commitment or amount of time itd take#i can do that#its just. the money and the lack of free . ok its mostly just the money#n it doesnt seem worth that#to waste so much money on smth that is only for me#like any of my other hobbies. spending money makes sense#most of my art hobbies you get smth out of (artwork crochet etc)#with spending money on kpop i have physical collections#even with games im spending that money on a game#or with any other hobby id be spending it on learning a skill#and yeah learning a language is. learning a skill but#its not like i could demonstrate it. its not like theres any good reason for it#esp bcs the language i wanna learn is not at all related to my country#idk im just#it feels so wasteful n stupid to want to bcs of how much itd cost#but id kill to#personal
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