#this is from last night in case that wasn’t obvious lol

[fannyyann]

via mary.galkowski 7.12.24

[cloveroctobers]

MONOPOLY — Armando Aretas [September Prompts] 🩶

A/N: I guess I’m remaining in my Armando writing bag but this was a request from: @dasaniswrlddd & this is mostly a Drabble small work that was also inspired by my boys who’s EP you should check the rest out after reading. It’s only fitting 😉 & you’re welcome!

S/N: the request included Armando dating an older woman, he’s twenty-eight so maybe the reader is thirty-eight? Forty’s? or as old as you are if you’re a older reader lol + mentions of a certain character from the film, “Rebel Ridge,” IYKYK 😉 + a little 🌶️ in there somewhere!

PROMPT IS FROM HERE & I’m using: ¹³�� frozen peas pressed against a fresh bruise + ²⁰⁾ rich vanilla perfume.

SYNOPSIS: Armando’s not as good at hiding his feelings for you.

<- read my previous September anthology prompt here.

⋆༺𓆩☠︎︎𓆪༻⋆ ⋆༺𓆩☠︎︎𓆪༻⋆ ⋆༺𓆩☠︎︎𓆪༻⋆ ⋆༺𓆩☠︎︎𓆪༻

when Armando was informed that you got hurt out in Italy, he made it his mission to get on the next flight. AMMO was working on a case that would require them to fly out there by the end of the week so he just went earlier, despite the knowing look detective Mike sent his way.

He knows his son became fond of you quickly once they worked with your team, although Armando tried to hide it, it became obvious to Mike. Watching Armando analyze every move you made with admiration and how you commanded orders within your own team. When your team got involved that meant it was more than serious and Secada always made your team the last option if AMMO needed back up. Things tended to get reckless in the moment but you always made sure to clean up well.

Over the last few years you haven’t been getting your hands as dirty, something Armando overheard you sharing with Secada and Detective Lowrey, having your team do most of the work while you supervised but that didn’t mean you forgot everything that you’ve learned. Which is why you have a dagger jammed up right against Armando’s throat, bag of frozen peas dropped to both of your feet as you had Armando pressed up against the wall of the villa out in Collesano.

“Armando,” you stated, “did you really think it was the best idea to sneak up on me?”

He lowers his raised hands, “that wasn’t really my intent.”

“Find that hard to believe.”

“…so you don’t trust me now?” He questioned while peering at you underneath his eyelashes and brimmed hat.

“I don’t trust anyone.”

Armando exhales at this. He doesn’t take it personal since it was someone on your team that ended up being a rat in the first place. Setting you up to be killed while also murdering one of your members you were closest to in cold blood and the way the rest of your team was ambushed, was the ultimate betrayal so he understood where this was coming from.

“Then why am I not dead yet?” His low voice inquires.

You smirked as you lowered the dagger, “the night is still young.”

Armando can’t help but to roll his eyes as you step back from him but he can’t help but to reach forward and pinch your chin, turning your face to the side as he viewed the damage done to your face first. He feels his jaw tighten at the long scar that traveled from the bottom of your ear to the curve of your jaw. It was the beginning of the symbol of an Italian gang here, blade pulled just right to begin the markings of an, “X,” in cursive but they didn’t get to finish the job.

Yet this would scar in more ways than one.

“Be a doll and grab those peas for me?” Your attempt to bring Armando’s attention elsewhere was noted as his eyes flicked back to yours for a moment, silently telling you that he wanted details and he was going to get them from your mouth instead of Secada’s and Mike’s.

He lowers himself, eyes locked on yours still as he reaches for the frozen bag, “where?”

You take the peas and place them underneath your shirt, where Armando gets a peek of your ribcage wrapped in a white bandage. He exhaled at that, relieved that you actually went to the hospital to get checked out. He knew how much you dreaded those visits.

You’re leaning against the island for support, as you take most of the pressure from standing upright and shift to your right—where there’s no bruising on that side of your ribs. “So…what brings you to Collesano? Did you finally decide that you needed a change of scenery from Miami and Mexico City?”

Armando gives you a deadpan glance as he fires back, “I never would have pictured Italy as a place to live low for you. Tell me, when did you buy this property?”

You scoff, stiffly shifting to grab that hard liquor that’s waiting in the square glass for you. Throwing it back with clenched eyes you respond, “Maybe I’m borrowing it.”

“From who?” Armando crossed his arms, “Terry?” He almost spits out the man’s name, which makes you quirk up a brow.

You start, “I’m not…doing this with you tonight so if you came here to brood or whatever—I’m not here for it.”

Armando stepped to you then, “I came here to be with you, no bullshit. Got here as fast as I could. Something the other guy isn’t even here doing.”

Sighing you dip your head as Armando has his heated stare locked only on you, “…while I appreciate that…I can take care of myself, thank you. I’m grown.”

“That you are,” Armando unapologetically scans his eyes over your frame before settling comfortably back on your face, “but there’s nothing wrong with letting someone in from time to time.”

“You should take your own advice, Aretas.” You huffed, as you searched his eyes, making him blink his own stare away as he rubbed at his beard in annoyance.

He was aware of what you were getting at. You’ve been around to see his interactions with Detective Mike Lowrey, even worked with him and Marcus previously when you first got your team together. Mike was certainly a ladies man and was damn good at his job…a little sloppy at times but as well as you knew Mike, you genuinely believed if he knew about Armando, he would have made an effort to be there even if it was painfully awkward. That was a conversation that was just as old as Armando’s opinion on “the other guy,” you were legally married to.

That’s right, you were technically spoken for.

To keep it simple it was a MACP thing really and a story for a different time!

“Yeah well clearly the both of us have the patience.” He states, his gaze going back to the scar on your face, “I’ll be back.”

Sarcastically you say, “aw but you just got here!”

Armando snorts as he starts backing away, “don’t worry mami, I’m not goin’ too far but try not to miss me too much.”

He winks.

“Oh, Please.” You scoff, turning to pour yourself another shot.

When Armando returns, it really wasn’t that long as you just managed to sit yourself up at the high chair by the island counter. That was a a job within itself thanks to your bruised ribs and you knew you could have easily picked one of the many couches in this villa, preferably the two seat sofa that’s right by the open window next to the kitchen but of course you liked to be difficult.

The hairs on the back of your neck stand up as you feel Armando’s hands dig into your tense shoulders from behind. He gets a light whiff of your vanilla perfume, it’s usually potent—rich—enough that it lingers in the air whenever you’re near. Right now it’s faint but it still makes him want to trail his nose up the slope of your neck.

“Hey,” he begins, “let’s get you cleaned up.”

Looking over your shoulder, the exhaustion has settled on your face and in that moment it almost shocks Armando that you don’t put up a fight. He holds onto your hand as you take your time getting down from the chair, a firm but gentle hold goes around your waist as he leads the way to the full bath he managed to find on the first level of the home.

The water is steaming and just what you needed. Armando was always onto you and knew the moment he caught sight of you tonight, he no problem providing. You manage to peel your clothes off and Armando’s concern is all over his face once he gets to see the black, blue, and purple bruises with your back turned to him. Those weren’t the only ones on your beautiful body but the ones on your ribs were the most upsetting.

He regains his composure, springing forward to help lower you into the water, head going right back against the pillow along the tub. Your eyes are closed and he almost coached you to sleep, running the pad of his thumb against the apple of your cheek. He was falling deep and he only had himself to blame if you ever broke his heart.

Part of him believes you won’t.

This has been going on long enough for Armando to have faith in whatever this was. Even when he was locked up, your connection never seemed to falter. Call him a fool but Armando was certain he’s never felt this kind of a way about anybody before you.

He’ll cater to you and sure you’ll give him a hard time, initially finding it all fun and dangerous games at first but that all shifted pretty quickly although in Armando’s mind, it felt like forever for you to admit your truth.

That you were feeling him more than you wanted to too. Which is why you allowed him to stay with you, help you bathe and briefly come to terms with what all transpired, even if you tried to block it out.

Even when you laid on top of him afterwards in one of the foreign bedrooms, he didn’t let go of you as you listened to the thud of his heartbeat and he took on the weight of you, all of it because he loved you—even if you didn’t want to hear him say it.

You felt it then and even more now that he came all this way for you.

The both of you wouldn’t be getting any sleep due to past traumas but that was left in the dark of the room. There’s buzzing that fills the heavy silence, you reach out clicking on the phone to silence it before flipping it back over.

“That could be important.” Armando mumbled.

‘Could be your husband,’ He thinks to himself.

You sniff, shifting to rest your chin onto the back of your hand, “Nothing else is important right now.”

“Yeah?” Armando quizzes, tucking his own chin to look at you, heart beating even harder now underneath your hands.

Wincing you lean forward, lips hovering over his, “Yeah.”

That was all the confirmation Armando needed as he moves to cradle your head and quickly places his lips right on yours. There’s a sigh of relief that escaped your lips as you both go into a battle trying to take the lead, which makes you laugh and a usual faint dimple appear on one side of Armando’s cheek. It’s when his tongue touches yours and he gets a nice grip on your ass with both hands that the humor fizzles away.

Armando’s attentive as you slowly take your place on top, hands gripping your hips against the silk night slip that you’re in now. “You sure you should be—

He starts but one move, has his hold digging into your hips, his head thrown back while biting down on his bottom lip. A laugh escapes your lips and Armando has to peek at you while he soaks in the real feel of you, your hair is a curtain around your face shape and the smirk on your face picks at his ego but he can’t complain and say he isn’t fond of this position.

“What was that?” You tease, “Don’t worry about me baby, I got you.”

Armando has to remind himself to breathe and you haven’t moved yet. His suddenly damp hands slip against the material of your nightwear, but he had to watch as he slides it back. That image alone makes a grunt spill from his lips and that’s enough to let you continue but Armando is always ready for your games.

When you separate just enough, he gains leverage himself, angling his own hips upwards while choosing to guide your hips downwards this time, erupting a pretty noise from your mouth. It’s his turn to smirk up at you, when you snap your attention back to his eyes while you fall over. Your elbows are beside his head now since sitting upright wouldn’t work at this time and especially with Armando’s own move he just pulled.

“Hi.” He smiles at you.

You scowl, “pendejo.”

That scowl releases when he places a lingering kiss right above where your new scar is. Gently he flips you both over and gazed at you so lovingly that some might say it was too much to bear.

It’s a pecking fight between your lips while Armando is on his knees but you can fight dirty when you want to and that gets him to move against you. Rocking you into the bed and loving you properly just like you knew he could.

⋆༺𓆩☠︎︎𓆪༻⋆ ⋆༺𓆩☠︎︎𓆪༻⋆ ⋆༺𓆩☠︎︎𓆪༻⋆ ⋆༺𓆩☠︎︎𓆪༻

Continue with my September anthology prompts here.

[pepperonijem]

iii. tell me your favorite love song || to.you

"i wanna sing it with you."

summary: Council meeting! It's time for you to reminisce on failed dates and first confessions with Eren, Mikasa, Armin, and Jean! pairing: Levi Ackerman x gn!reader content: cursing, floch slander lol songs mentioned: completely - jaehyun

A/N: this chapter is definitely more filler, but I had to split it up because it was hitting well over 10k words for one chapter lol.

let me know if you'd like to be tagged! comments and rb's are appreciated :)

previous chapter || masterlist || next chapter

“Did you… Did you write that yourself?”

The last note from the piano seemed to echo through the room for a while before Levi finally turned to look at you.

“Yeah,” he answered quietly. “Just finished it last night actually.” Levi looked down at the piano keys as his fingers ghosted over them, touching them with enough pressure to push down but not make a sound. “What did you think of it?” he asked. He seemed more vulnerable than you had seen him before, like you were seeing him in a way he wasn’t even used to seeing himself.

“It’s really good,” you answered. You weren’t really sure what else to say. It was good, it felt personal, like something more than just a catchy song. He had used your words, that had to mean something, but you weren’t sure what. “Was that part about the coffee–”

“From you?” Levi interrupted. Although he was looking away from you, you could see his ears turn pink. “Yeah, it was. I’m glad you noticed.”

You felt something flutter away at your chest. “I’m glad I could help you out,” you replied. If he wasn’t going to say anything more than that, then you would just take it for what it was. Levi nodded but didn’t reply. “I’m really flattered that I got to hear it first.”

Levi finally looked up at you. “Of course,” his head tilted. “Who else would I play it for?” As if it was the most obvious thing.

You’re sure your eyes widened in surprise and your cheeks definitely went pink, because almost immediately, Levi coughed and added, “You helped me write it so obviously you’d hear it first.” Right. That’s all. He was just offering something in return.

“Oh,” you began. Not sure if the sigh that escaped your lips was relief or disappointment. “Well if you ever need to write another song, you know where to find me. Though maybe I should start charging.” You hoped your tone was as light and playful as you intended it to be.

Levi let out a soft chuckle as he shook his head. Good. “Name your price.” 

Before you could add on, his phone buzzed against the wood of the piano before he reached out to check it.

“It’s Hange,” he explained. “Apparently we have band practice in 20.” He pocketed his phone before turning back to you with an apologetic smile. “I’ll see you around?”

His eyes seemed to twinkle under the fluorescents of the practice room and you felt your heart thud against your chest. He smiled. “See you around.”

Levi left right after that, and you found yourself stuck in the room thinking about his song. Your fingers pressed against some of the keys that you remember him playing, as if looking for a code to see what he was thinking. It felt… electric, to have something, not quite a secret, between the two of you. You couldn’t help but imagine him singing it on stage, no one else knowing that a little bit of you existed in the lyrics of his song. 

You found yourself wishing that you could hear him sing your song — the song about yo– the song he wrote that just so happened to include your words and seemed to describe exactly how you were feeling about him – again. Maybe he’d say it was for you.

Maybe he’d say it was how he felt about you too.

Later that night, you found yourself at Eren and Mikasa’s place, laying on their sofa with your head in Mikasa’s lap. You had sent out a text to your group chat, in desperate need of more minds on the case. A knock sounded on the door and Eren stood up to answer the door. You heard him groan immediately as it swung open.

“Why the hell are you here?” Eren spoke. It was immediately obvious from his lack of enthusiasm that he was not speaking to Armin.

You heard Armin’s voice reply. “I heard this was a council meeting,” he explained nonchalantly as he walked in with two boxes of pizza and a smug looking Jean behind him. “I saw Jean on my way here and figured he could be helpful.” The two of them smiled and waved as they walked into the living room and set the pizzas down on the coffee table.

“I don’t let strays into my place, Armin,” Eren huffed as he shut the door behind him, letting Jean into his place anyway.

Mikasa rolled her eyes and you chuckled as she chastised Eren. “Whatever, babe,” you felt her chuckle. “Just last week you pulled over in the parking garage and caused a 15 minute traffic jam because you stopped to pick up a lost cat.”

Eren’s cheeks reddened as he relented. Pouty as he was, he could never say no to Mikasa. Walking over, he lifted your legs as he sat down next to her before letting you rest them in his lap. “You didn’t need to announce it,” he whined as Mikasa leaned over to kiss his cheek.

“Anyway,” Armin chuckled, moving to sit beside Jean against the coffee table and facing the three of you. “We haven’t called a council meeting like this since Eren went through his emo phase.” Armin looked over at Jean as he explained.

“You would have an emo phase,” Jean sneered at Eren.

“You probably had one too, dickhead.” Eren countered.

“Yeah, if you count Justin Bieber as emo,” Jean rolled his eyes.

“Jean…” Armin began softly. “That’s… that’s not any better.” Armin patted his back as Jean looked away in embarrassment. Everyone laughed lightheartedly at that, even Jean… eventually.

“Okay,” you began, drawing out the last syllable. “Now that we’ve determined that Eren and Jean are both dorks, we can get to the problem at hand.”

“Hey!” Eren and Jean both shouted in offense. 

You sat up and reached for a slice of pizza before you continued. You weren’t particularly sure of how to approach the subject, but you also knew that after five seconds of silence, Eren would begin prodding at you. Maybe it was like ripping off a bandaid?

“I think Levi likes me.”

The silence was deafening. You weren’t really sure what to expect, but silence from everyone, especially Eren, was not it. Mikasa, definitely. Armin, maybe, he liked to think before he responded. Jean, from what you’d come to know, tended to hold off on offering advice until he heard others’ perspectives. Eren, however, was always one to speak whatever was in his mind, to refine his thoughts aloud.

“Did you all hear me? I said–”

“No, we heard you the first time,” Eren said, still staring at you with wide eyes. “Levi? Like 5’3” lead singer of No Name that looks like he wants to beat my ass every 10 minutes, Levi?”

You nodded back. Looking around the room, everyone seemed to be in a similar state of shock. Mikasa was resting her chin on a closed fist and her eyes were full of intrigue. Armin had a brow raised quizzingly, and Jean’s mouth was wide open until something settled in his brain and his lips pressed together in a smirk.

“I totally called it,” Jean beamed. “Didn’t I tell you he was singing right at you that one night?” 

You recalled Jean’s words from the first Halloween party you saw Levi at and you nodded. Levi did seem to have his eye on you that time.

“Nope, no, no,” Eren stood up. There was the Eren you knew. You sat up as well.“Levi doesn’t sing to people, he just sings and then glares from the stage. He glares at everyone.”

Eren also had a point. You’d known Levi to be exceptionally grouchy, and to make no exceptions for who he glares at. Maybe he was glaring at you for dancing with Jean, who he didn’t seem too fond of.

“What makes you think he likes you?” Armin asked curiously.

“I… He wrote a song about me?” you offered sheepishly as Eren’s eyes somehow got wider.

“He what?” Everyone asked in unison.

“I–” you stammered. “Well he never said it was about me, but he did use my line.”

Eren was pacing around the room now. “What was the line he used?”

“Something about the first coffee shop run in autumn.”

Recognition lit up in his eyes as you mentioned the lyric and he paused his movements. “He also used a line from Erwin in that song,” Eren thought aloud. “And I think he had a line about the drums that Hange had said about Miche.”

Oh, you thought to yourself. You couldn’t help but feel… disappointed. Eren’s words were sobering, and you felt yourself shrink. It was true, you had only met him a handful of times. Why would he write about you? Mikasa seemed to sense your deflating mood because she leaned over to wrap an arm around you. You smiled at her in return. 

Upon noticing your mood, Eren let out a sigh. He sat back down beside you and when he spoke again, his voice was softer. “Look, it’s not that I don’t want him to like you,” he began. “It’s just that… well, Levi’s the most emotionally unavailable guy I know. I’ve never so much as heard him say the word ‘happy’ outside of a song. I just don’t want you to build him up in your head just to get hurt by reality.” He looked at you knowingly.

Armin nodded along. “Eren’s right,” he agreed. “Being in love with the idea of someone is as good as handing your heart over to be broken. You shouldn’t have to put yourself through that again.” 

Again.

You remember that night freshman year that you were supposed to go on a date with a guy named Floch.

Floch had come up to where you and Eren were sitting and having lunch out on the quad. It was a breezy spring morning and you recall the way Floch’s red hair blew across his face as he approached the two of you with an easy smile. You gave Eren a ‘do you know this guy?’ look as he shook his head no.

“Hey,” he had said to you, pointedly ignoring Eren. 

“Hey…” you answered politely but cautiously as you looked over at Eren. Eren was eyeing him suspiciously.

“I just wanted to let you know how good you look in this light,” he spoke again with a charming smile and his hand extended out for a handshake. “I’m Floch.” You blushed at him and slipped your hand in his as you introduced yourself. Eren’s eyes sharpened into a dangerous glare when Floch twisted your hand in his and brushed his lips against your knuckles. He coughed and finally drew the redhead’s attention to him. 

“I’m Eren,” he said and reached his hand out, knuckles up, to mock Floch.

Floch simply laughed and nodded his head. His eyes fixed into a cold stare that contrasted his smile. “Hey man.” 

Floch reached over for one of the napkins that sat between you and Eren and pulled out of a pen and wrote down his number. “Text me?” And when you nodded, he walked away, back to his group of friends who jovially patted him on the back at his return.

“That guy is an absolute creep,” Eren breathed out, not bothering to wait for him to be completely out of earshot.

“Eren…” you warned. “He seemed nice, and he was kind of cute.” You pulled out your phone.

“He looks like half the guys on this campus,” Eren rolled his eyes as he looked at the number written on your napkin. “Don’t text him.”

“Too late,” you replied, as you hit send on a message.

Once Mikasa and Armin found out about it, they were on his side. 

Floch had asked you out on a date immediately upon seeing your message and that Friday night, Armin and Eren had come over to the dorm room that you and Mikasa shared. You were in the middle of getting ready, still trying to settle on an outfit and the two of them were sitting on Mikasa’s twin bed watching you with interest. 

Mikasa stood by you at your wardrobe, helping you pick and choose tops for your outfit while Armin deeply sighed.

“Are you sure we can’t convince you to not go?” Mikasa prodded even as she handed you another piece. You held it against your body to check it in your reflection before shaking your head and handing it to her.

“Guys,” you pleaded. “I really like him. I don’t see what the issue is.”

You watched Eren scoff and make eye contact with you in the mirror. His bright eyes watching yours carefully. “I can give you a list. Alphabetized even.”

You turned to glare at him. “Bite me, Yaeger.” Floch had joined you and Eren and Armin for lunch the next afternoon with a fully cooked meal for you and a bouquet of flowers, and since then, you and Eren had been arguing about him since then. Even Armin was skeptical of him and how he seemed to love-bomb you, as he called it, right after meeting you. “It’s nice to be with a guy that’s so direct about how he feels about me.”

“That’s the problem,” Armin spoke up. “Isn’t he a little too interested? The flowers, coming to your classes with breakfast, like that’s nice, but you’ve known him for all of two days. He hasn’t even asked about your major.”

You chewed your lip. You could argue with Eren all day long, but Armin had always been able to get you to see reason, even if you chose to ignore it. Which you did. There was only 15 minutes left before the time Floch said he’d pick you up, and you decided you were too far in to text him now.

“Armin’s right,” Mikasa said. “And he’s been a shit texter, hasn’t he?”

“Okay, but not everyone is a good texter,” you argued. You grabbed one last outfit option and walked into the bathroom to change. “Misa, you barely send five words in a single text on a good day.” You walked back out after changing and watched as Armin and Eren and Mikasa gave you a reluctant thumbs up.

You settled onto your own bed and Mikasa sat beside you and fussed with the collar of your top. “Shouldn’t that jackass be here soon?” Eren sighed.

“Yeah,” you replied. “He said 7, so five more minutes.”

At 7 p.m., Floch was nowhere to be found.

At 7:15 p.m. he hadn’t answered any of your texts.

At 7:38 p.m. you got a call from Floch. Who butt-dialed you. From the club. With his friends who congratulated him on getting a girl to fall for him in a record-breaking five days.

At 7:45 you were crying into Mikasa’s arms.

At 8 p.m. Eren said, “A guy who likes you isn’t going to see you as a challenge to be won.”

“Woah woah woah,” Jean chimed in. “How do you know that he’s emotionally unavailable?”

Jean’s voice brought you back to the situation at hand.

You’re not quite sure why you were suddenly feeling defensive. Armin and Eren had only ever looked out for your best interests, especially after that incident with Floch. But when you remember how shy Levi got after he finished playing, and how open he was with you the night before, a part of you desperately wanted them to be wrong.

“Have you met him?” Mikasa chuckled. “That man is the definition of ‘if looks could kill.’ He only looks nice when he’s on stage.”

“Well he can’t be all bad if he can write songs that are so… personal” Jean continued to ask. Armin was right to bring him. His presence was refreshing. 

“You somehow manage to be passing psych when you’re an absolute dumbass,” Eren countered. Mikasa swatted at him and he immediately folded. “Sorry. Instinct. What I meant to say was that Levi holds his cards close to his chest, not necessarily that he doesn’t have feelings.”

“My question still stands,” Jean replied. “How can you write songs like that and be emotionally unavailable?”

Eren looked at him with frustration. “It’s not that hard,” he retorted.

Again, Mikasa swatted at his arm and shot him a glare.

“I mean I imagine it’s not that hard.”

Jean rolled his eyes before continuing. “No offense dude,” he began as Eren scowled at him. “But you are the biggest loverboy I’ve ever met. It’s pretty obvious which songs you had a hand in writing because they’re so very clearly about Mikasa and so very clearly written by a simp.” 

“First of all, how would you know?” Eren accused. “And second of all… which songs?” he blushed as Jean smirked. He was a lot more perceptive than he let on.

Jean cleared his throat as he began to sing… croak, more like. 

“Oh, show me a map of your soul Every second from now I’m gonna love you completely.”

Jean only stopped when Eren lobbed a pillow at his face, but it didn’t stop him from laughing. That was the song you’d danced with Jean to the first night. 

He was right. 

Eren wrote that song when the four of you were still in high school, when he and Mikasa had first started dating. It was the night of the winter formal and you, him, and Armin had spent weeks coming up with the perfect plan for him to confess to her and Eren was more nervous than you’d ever seen him.

“Are you guys sure I have to tell her?” Eren had sweat dripping down his forehead even as you stood on the balcony of the ballroom in the middle of December. He had already pulled his coat off, left only in his white button up and red tie, both of which he’d undone a bit to try to cool himself off.

“Yes!” you and Armin both cried out.

“But what if she hates me after this?”

“Do you know how stupid you sound right now?” you scoffed at him, your breath coming out in puffs in front of you.

“But–”

“No buts, Eren,” Armin chastised. “Mikasa deserves to know.”

“And you both deserve to be happy,” you added. “She’s going to love this.”

Eren, with a nod of determination, reached for his guitar case and shook his fingers out, trying to warm them up. Armin gave you a quick nod and you were thankful to be able to get out of the cold.

You walked back into the ballroom to find Mikasa already wearing a coat. The dancing was still in full swing and the band that the school had hired was playing some slow jazz standards. Under the glow of the warm lights, you could see your hands regaining color after having to hype your nervous friend up for over 20 minutes in the cold. She smiled when she saw you approach. “Headed somewhere?” you had asked her.

“Yeah,” she sighed. “I couldn’t find you guys, so I thought I’d go out to the balcony for a breather.”

Perfect. You smiled sweetly at her as she raised an eyebrow. She knew something was up, but Mikasa in all her kindness was never one to fight against one of your schemes. “Oh? I’ll walk you out.”

You slipped your arm into hers and reached for your phone with your other hand, shooting Armin a text, telling him to clear out. He found the two of you just as you reached the french doors. His cheeks were pale with a bright spot of red that stretched across his cheeks and his blonde hair was disheveled from the wind.

“Oh hey,” Armin said casually. He pulled you away from Mikasa as she looked at the two of you with confusion. “Sorry, we just have to, uh, discuss some things. But the balcony’s free.”

“Thanks…” Mikasa said skeptically. The two of you watched as she finally walked out of eyesight before Armin grabbed you by the wrist and dragged you upstairs to another balcony. 

“Armin, you suck at bluffing,” you chuckled at him as he rolled his eyes.

Once you were both settled, you and Armin headed towards the railing. You could hear Eren’s voice crack as he spoke to Mikasa, “I wrote a song for you.” Armin looked at you curiously as you reached for the tie of your coat and began to wrap it around your phone.

“What the hell are you doing?” Armin whisper-shouted to you. He made no moves to stop you. 

“They’ll want a video of this,” you explained matter-of-factly. “Now hand me your tie, it’s not long enough.”

With a roll of his eyes, he obeyed and you knotted the two ties together. Armin made sure the phone was secure and hit record before leaning over the balcony to dangle your phone over the edge. You and Armin both listened in awe as you listened to Eren sing. 

It wasn’t the first time you’d heard him play the guitar, but it was the first time you’d heard his voice. You didn’t think he had it in him to carry a tune, honestly, but he did surprisingly well.

Jean’s voice snapped you out of your memories. “Was I right?” he questioned smugly.

Mikasa smiled as she looked over at a blushing Eren. “Yeah, you were.”

“See?” he raised an eyebrow at you as he continued. “All I’m saying is that maybe that song was about you, and maybe he only knows how to express his feelings through music. I don’t think it’s a reach.” Jean put his hands up in defense as he finished his statement.

“Well look,” Armin conceded. “Jean has a point. Some people are better at expressing themselves in other ways, like some people are acts of service people.” He pointed over at you. “Like how you make sure Eren and Jean always have class notes when they need it.”

He pointed at Mikasa. “Physical touch,” he explained. “You don’t say much, but you know when to put an arm around someone who’s sad.” 

Finally at Jean. “Quality time.” Jean scoffed as he wondered how Armin read him so easily. “You don’t have to hang out with us if you don’t want to, but you’re here.”

“Whatever,” Jean mumbled, but his cheeks turned pink anyway. Jean was perceptive, but Armin could read any person and a situation upside down and backwards.

“Well how does that help me?” you asked. “We can speculate about Levi’s feelings all day long… but I’d like to have a concrete answer.”

Armin’s eyes lit up as he devised a plan.

“Eren, what did you say your psych project was again?”

“To spend time with… oh no,” Eren trailed off as he watched the all too familiar mischievous glint in Armin’s eyes. He sat up straighter. “Armin, don’t include me in your plans.” “What?” Jean asked. “What are you planning, blondie?”

“Well, if you and Levi just so happen to do things together, and Jean and Eren just so happen to be there too,” Armin explained with a smug smile. “Then you can have them keep track of whether or not there are signs that Levi’s actually into you.”

Eren groaned as Jean laughed heartily. “That sounds so fun, actually,” Jean said. Armin returned his grin.

“It really doesn’t,” Eren countered. “Why can’t you and Mikasa go?” he asked Armin.

“I’m busy working on my own projects,” Mikasa shrugged. She smiled smugly as she continued. “Armin has his capstone.” If Mikasa was on board, so was Eren, however reluctant he may be.

“So it has to be you and Jean,” Armin confirmed to Eren. “Plus you guys will keep each other balanced, since Eren is a skeptic and Jean is a believer. And you guys get a good grade on your project.”

“C’mon, jackass,” Jean rolled his eyes at Eren. “It’s only a few more weeks till the end of the semester.”

Usually, you and Armin were the schemers of the group. One of you would come up with a plan, and the other would be ready to make it happen. This time however, you had a weird feeling. Anticipation? Excitement? You didn’t have time to decide, because soon, all eyes were on you.

“What do you think?” Armin asked. You scanned their faces. Jean and Armin looked at you with excitement. Mikasa also seemed interested in this plan. Eren, though he tried to hide it, also raised an eyebrow in interest.

“Ah,” you sighed. “What the hell? Why not?”

a/n: originally, i was gonna make floch a guy who tried to date you to convince you to join a cult (bc surprisingly, when i was in university, cult recruitment was a big thing?) but decided to make him a jack-ass instead. also the idea of Eren being a "can i sing for u" type of guy is so funny to me and you can't convince me that if he had a little sibling he wouldn't be a protective overbearing little shit.

[yanderederee]

OnStage

ෆ Kuran Yotsurugi x reader ෆ

a/n: replacing y/n with yan/yannchan; I think it’s a cute alternative ~ please love kuran with me with this idea I’ve had in mind to write since day ONE♡

I was told reader has the same energy as Maxine from X(2022) … do with that as you will lol

part 2 in progress (?)~

✦ •·································•✦ʚ♡ɞ✦•··································• ✦

Blinking a few times to properly adjust the contact lenses you’d just put in, you watched the blurry vision of yourself in the mirror slowly turn into a clear image. Beautifully dolled up with lash extensions and not a strand of hair out of place. You’d had to admit, you looked immaculate.

Adjusting the last final touches of your lip liner and the thin straps of your outfit, you gave the duel image of yourself a wink and a mocking kiss before skipping toward the exit of the dressing room.

It was difficult to recall exactly how long you’d been working under the Yotsurugi, but due to your late father leaving behind such a massive debt, it fell to you to pay off the rest.

It wasn’t as heartbreaking as it sounded; adulthood wasn’t exactly as glamorous as you had imagined it would be, after graduating school. Finding work was hard— hard enough that even your own father with an already established career had to even lean upon the Yotsurugi family for financial support to help get by.

When he’d finally kicked the bucket, an accident that was surely his fault anyway, loan sharks from Ikebukuro became adamant on receiving their fair compensation. Obviously having nothing else to give them, you meekly offered to pay the debt off fairly, with good-old-fashion labor.

Luckily, the boss of the Yotsurugi’s Ikebukuro branch had been lurking behind, in case there had been any fall out. Having taken a good long look at you, he agreed to your offer with a weak wave to follow them.

It became clear you weren’t the only one who had been caught in this type of situation. While it was obvious the Yotsurugi were a big deal in the crime syndicate, they were evidently merciful. You heard from a few other girls working along side you that Kongo Yotsurugi had advocating for fair debt repayment with no interest. You were lucky it was them, and not some other shady loan-sharks who would kill you to settle the score.

And just as mercifully, you’d been offered a few different occupational options on how you could work yourself to freedom; dishwashing, waitressing, stage cleaner… but nothing payed quite as good as stripping.

It was your own choice to take the job. And even though you knew in the back of your mind it wasn’t really your choice, you were happy.

There was a joy; a rush of excitement and endorphins that made you absolutely shine on stage. The roaring cheers, the glittering lights and dancing rain of money every night truly made you feel alive.

You weren’t sure how much longer it would take to pay off your debt, but you couldn’t help wishing it would never end.

Having lost yourself in the pleasure of dancing once again, your chest heaved with deep breaths, heart beating a million times per minute. You smiled so wide, giggling to yourself when finally meeting eyes with some of your regular visitors. They were so happy to see you. And the feeling made you soar.

Waving a cutesy goodbye and a final shake of your ass to the roaring crowd, you skipped back behind the stage and accepted the water handed to you by another girl.

“You were amazing again today yanchan ~”

“I know right, she’s like a fairy with the way she spins around the pole! I’m so jealous~” another girl squealed, hugging you tightly and spinning you around.

“Aww thanks babes! Good luck out there Aya!”

You kissed the girl on her cheek before sending her off.

Over the course of your stay, you had made many close friends with the girls you worked with. Some came and went, but you always got along well with them all, and all the new girls came to view you as a big sister of sorts.

No matter how you got into this line of work, or how disgusting others may call you and your friends, you were living a life where you were finally happy. You felt fulfilled in the work you did, the people you worked with, the bed you slept in, and the food you ate. You never wanted for anything more.

Life was actually good.

Robing yourself in a cute short skirt and a puffy jacket, you came out to the VIP floor to order a quick drink before your next dance.

“Leeeeo~ drink pleeasse!~” you sang upon your arrival. The bar keeper looked your way, your cute display earning you a side smirk and a chuckle. “Even’in Yan. Good show just now, looking as brilliant as ever.” He complimented before picking through the liquor in front of him to conquer up your favorite weekday drink.

“I’d say,” added in a chuckling older gentleman sitting just a few seats over from where you sat. “Haven’t gotten this worked up by a dance like that before.”

You smiled at his sideways compliment, and lifted your newly gifted glass to the man. “Im happy you enjoyed it sir~ I hope to see you for my next dance.” You winked, and began scooting off the stool. Before your feet met the ground, the man had successfully grabbed your hand to stop you.

“Don’t bother, I know what you’ve got girl. And I like it. I’ll be sure to compensate you for all the money you’ll lose out on by skipping your next stage show. Come dance for me in a private room, won’t ya?” He looked down at you with a suggestive gaze. It wasn’t like he was bad looking, older men had their charm, especially the ones who frequented this night club.

But you weren’t interested in private dances. The glory of the job was the high you got from being on stage, not the money you got from it.

You smiled politely, confidently snaking your hand to play with his fingers, before sliding them out of his grasp. “Thanks for the offer baby, but I’m booked~ throw me a band on stage and I might indulge you in a drink and conversation once I’m done, ‘kay?~”

The gentleman narrowed his eyes, and toed down the stool, grabbing onto your forearm this time. “Not interested in seeing the same thing over and over again. Only way you’re getting my money is in a private room, catch me girly?” He grew closer, despite your trying to pull away. “I got lots of it. Enough to buy you out, if you please me well. Promise.~” he slurred in your ear, sending shivers down your spine.

Behind the bar, your bartender had already pressed the bouncer alert, acting cool. Clubs like these had rules—strict ones, after all.

You glared at the persistent man, loosing your gleeful attitude. “Not interested. I recommend taking that hand off me, ‘nless you wanna lose it, baby.” You spat sweetly back in his ear. The closeness sent shivers down his spine, but not with fear. He smirked at the excitement, thinking it was some kind of game. “I’ll take my chances.”

He tried pulling you with him, but before he has the chance to move a foot, a man with white hair and vibrant tattoos blocked the way. You immediately felt safe, heart pounding at the sight of your boss; Kuran Yotsurugi.

“Kuran!~” you sang happily, yanking yourself free from the older man, and hopped to hide behind your shirtless boss. “Sir didn’t wanna take no for an answer~” you pouted, but seemingly unphased, otherwise.

“And what was he asking?” He asked in monotone. “Wanted a ‘private dance’. Was giving me fuck-me eyes too… Made me feel grosss.” You answered, watching as the expression of the older man sink into fear.

“It wasn’t like that! She’s lying!” He groaned, trying to play it off as a misunderstanding. “Dancers these days are so full of themselv—-“ he began to ramble, before Kuran landed a solid right hook to the guest’s jaw. “Fact of the matter is you made one of my girls uncomfortable. That’s reason enough for me to kick you out.” Kuran squatted down to meet the man eye to eye.

“My girl said she said no, so the answer’s no. Simple. Understand?” He asked slowly, coming in close to make sure he was heard.

The man gulped, holding his face before nodding hurriedly. “I’ll be more careful in the future.” He accepted.

Kuran nodded back, and slapped the man on the back of the head before standing up. “You’re out. Don’t come back for a week. Make sure you learn your lesson, ‘n maybe then I’ll let you back in.”

Once all was said and gone, you giggled, clinging onto Karan’s arm. “Boss always comes to save the day~” you acknowledged, nuzzling your cheek against his shoulder before he sighs. He patted your head roughly, and pushed you off with barely any force. “Just maintaining the order ‘round here. Would’a done it for any of the other girls too.” He huffed. You nodded, perching into a bar stool again.

“I know~ that’s what makes me love my boss sooo much after all. He’s always so considerate and protective of us~ A hero, a man among men!” You rambled in praise, making a few of the other girls who came upon witnessing the scuffle giggle. “We all appreciate your hard work in keeping this club a safe place for us to work.” You sealed your long winded praise, and finished off the drink you ordered just minutes ago.

The other girls began to fawn in a similar fashion, thanking Kuran for his ruthless display of protection.

He clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes at your rallied attention, and began walking away. “Shut up and get back to work.”

Despite his standoffish demeanor, you and everyone else knew just how good of a guy Kuran was, and aimed to please him however you could.

Your smile softened as you watched him walk off, yearning for the chance to truly express your gratitude, or the developing feelings of love you’d felt for him ever since he gave you this beautiful new life.

Blowing a kiss to him behind his back, you hopped off the stool, and skipped back behind stage to ready yourself for the final dance of the night.

[daytaker]

Oh! Oh! Spin the bottle with Mammon for the followers event!~

Thank you for your prompt, and sorry for the delay! Writer's block has been killing me but I'm trying to get back into the swing of things. Enjoy this little Mammon x reader drabble!

Spin the Smartphone

Mammon x Reader Genre: Fluff Word Count: 1154 CW: Nothing, really.

[Part of my 250 Followers Mini Event!]

“Hey, how ‘bout a game of spin the bottle?”

Mammon made the suggestion, grinning at everyone. That is to say, grinning at Levi, Satan, Asmo, the twins, and you. You were all sitting in your room, trying to figure out what to do now that the Monopoly board was scorched after Satan’s brief burst of rage earlier. (He landed on Park Place again.)

“Ew,” was Levi’s response.

“Eh?” Mammon blinked.

“You do realize that if we did that, you’d have a 5 out of 6 chance to land on one of your brothers?” Satan asked, tilting his head with a small smirk.

“...EH?!”

“Seriously, how is our brother this stupid?” sighed Belphie.

“I ain’t stupid!” Mammon whined.

“Why can’t you just ask the human for a kiss instead of coming up with these convoluted excuses?” Satan rolled the Monopoly top hat between his fingers. “Are you really so full of yourself that you can’t admit that’s what you’re actually after?”

“W-What? Whaddaya mean ‘all these convoluted excuses’?! I said one thing!”

“Last week you wanted to try seven minutes in heaven,” sighed Asmo, shaking his head. “That was even worse.”

Levi laughed. “Not to mention all the times you’ve been like, ‘Guys! I have the best idea! Let’s play truth or dare!’ and then ‘Okay, Human, ask me truth or dare! I choose dare! Huh? …Can ya dare me something else? …Can ya dare me something else again?’ Lol!”

“He’s so obvious it makes me a little sad,” Beel added with a sorry frown. 

You sat and listened to the exchange. They weren’t wrong, of course. You and Asmo had made a bit of a game of it; guessing what weird attempt at an excuse to kiss you Mammon might pull out next. Still, you weren’t completely heartless, and watching Mammon get dogpiled by his younger brothers wasn’t making you feel amazing, no matter how used to it he probably was.

So later that night, after you’d all agreed it was only fair that Satan should buy the replacement Monopoly board and the brothers had all cleared out, you pulled out your DDD and opened your texts.

> Hey. Mammon: Hey!!! Mammon: I mean, what’s up? > Could you come back to my room? I wanted to ask you about something.

Less than a minute later, there was a sudden, excited knock at your door. Mammon entered before you even invited him in and plopped down on the floor.

“So! Missin’ the Great Mammon already, eh? Can’t say I blame ya.”

“I have a proposition for you,” you announced, and you pulled a Demonus bottle from under your bed.

“I accept,” Mammon declared, snatching the bottle from your hands before you had a chance to get a word in edgewise. “...Hey, what the…? It’s empty!”

You took the bottle back and slipped onto the floor, facing Mammon. “We’re not drinking it, you doofus. We’re spinning it.”

You watched the gears turn in Mammon’s head in real time. He looked at you, then at the bottle, a complete lack of understanding on his face. Then his lips moved. You thought he mouthed the word “spin”, but you couldn’t be sure. He looked up at you again, decided that was a bit too intense, and returned to staring at the bottle as his cheeks turned red.

“Wait, you mean like…?”

“Spin the bottle. Yeah.”

Mammon looked around the room in an exaggerated fashion before raising a hand dismissively. “Uh, in case ya ain’t noticed, there’s only two of us here.”

“Is that a problem?”

“I’unno. ‘S meant to be a party game.”

“You think I don’t know that?”

Finally, the last few gears seemed to click into place, and a look of recognition crossed Mammon’s face. “...Oh!”

“Yeah.”

You set the bottle down on the floor between the two of you. You both stared at it. Then you looked up at each other. 

“You go first,” you said, and at the same time, Mammon said, “Uh, did you wanna–?”

Mammon gave it a spin. It was not an elegant spin either. The thing wobbled and rolled on its side and it took a few tries to get it to spin anything like how it always looked on TV.

When it stopped, it pointed unambiguously at the wall.

“Try it again,” you said.

He tried it again. This time it stopped facing your bed.

“You’re doing it wrong,” you sighed.

“The hell does that even mean?”

You ignored him and gave the bottle a spin. It went skating underneath the bed, and Mammon looked vindicated. “See? ‘S not that easy!”

Irritated to see your best made plans laid to waste, you opened up your DDD, typed a 🍾 emoji into the Notes app, and set the device down on the floor between you. You gave your device a little spin. This went far better than your last attempt, so you decided to quit while you were ahead.

Meanwhile, Mammon was attempting to decipher your actions. “The fuck is that?” he asked, squinting at the DDD.

“A bottle,” you answered with a shrug. “It’s pointing at you.”

Then you crawled across your wooden floor and pressed your lips against his, and Mammon just sort of tensed up and didn’t move, and it was awkward and kind of embarrassing and really nice. You hadn’t felt this much like a teenager since you were a teenager.

Once you crawled back to the far side of your DDD, he shook himself out of his fugue state and began protesting what had just occurred.

“H-Hey… Hey… Hey! Hey, hey, wait a second!” He seemed to be grasping at whatever he could to give himself an excuse for just how passive he was for that entire thing. “You said I could go first!”

“Spin better,” you shrugged.

“You spun worse than I did!”

“Creative solutions are rewarded.”

“...I see what’s goin’ on here,” Mammon said after a flustered pause. His confidence was suddenly back at full strength. “...You were just desperate for an excuse to kiss me, weren’t ya?”

You stared at him. Was this guy really trying to flip the scenario on its head?

“So desperate! Invitin’ me up here and pullin’ all this dumb crap with the bottle… Y’know, if ya really wanted a kiss, ya coulda just asked.” He was smirking now, smirking! “As my number one human, you should know ya always get special treatment, even when it comes to things like that. ‘Cause I’m so magnanimous and awesome and stuff.”

“Oh, Great Mammon,” you sighed, unsure if you found his schtick charming or irritating at the moment, “would you bless this poor mortal with a kiss?”

“N-Now you’re just gettin’ greedy!” Mammon scolded, cheeks flushing once again.

“Says the Avatar of Greed.”

“Exactly! I’d know!”

“Never mind then.”

“Ah, wait, wait, hold up.” Mammon grabbed the DDD that still laid on the floor between you. He gave it a spin. “Is that pointin’ at ya? Close enough, right? C’mere.”

[rosstrytobe]

Thinking if in s7 epidose 1, Chris was forshading just in part Eddie love life there are some points that are really interesting:

1) The first girl that Chris brings at home, eating pizza and playing videogames is Penny, a blonde girl that he met at math class (as Eddie told to Buck) and Eddie say that he doesn’t get if it was a date because it seems to him that they were just hanging out as two male friends do (👀👀). Even though from the scene we know Christopher and Penny are smiling so they both are enjoying this date. Even though Eddie can’t see it because he was behind them and watching them afar

Now, It's pretty obvious who they are referring to because videogames and pizza is what Buck, Eddie and Christopher did from the past 6 years. Penny is blonde as Buck and him and Eddie smiled everyday when they are with each other because they enjoy their time with each other

The math class also is a methaphor because in the past seasons we saw that neither Eddie and Buck knows anything about math until Buck died and when he came back he knew all the answears and he was a jenious at math. That brought them to their first poker date night togheter as Chris and Penny dated because they met in math class. Even though neither of them knew it was a date

Eddie watching Chris from afar it can be also a methaphor of the fact that now he can’t see what he have with Buck because he doesn’t think that what they do is romantic coded or anything but then Buck line came and it's very important because Buck is the first one who are saying that there is just ONE CASE where there's underlying sexual tension and Eddie face to that was speechless. Almost as he got what Buck said but he doesn’t want to think about it. So what Eddie did? He just change the subject

Because if we think about it, in episode 5, Eddie didn’t think Buck and Tommy was interested in each other in a romantic way. Also, Eddie didn’t think Tommy was gay in the first place and it freak Eddie out a bit but then he just proceed to support his best friend because nothing will ever change his bond with Buck. As he tried to change the topic and talking about something else. But then at the bachelor party Eddie couldn’t hide his feelings and from his expression is pretty obvious is jealous of Tommy

But what Eddie did in next episode? Instead of understand why he was a little mean to Tommy he put himself in an emotional cheating relantionship with a copy of his dead wife (💀💀). Again, he's trying not to think about it and putting that feeling away. Changing the subject

2) The second girl Chris was talking to, she was a black hair girl who we don't even know her name (👀👀). As we don't know Marisol last name. And the first thing we see about her is her jealous towards Penny because Chris was two timing her. As now Eddie is doing it to Marisol with Kim. And if Tim wasn’t jocking with the Vertigo post, we know Marisol (the nun) will break Eddie illusion to bring back Shanon on his life and of course they will break up in the end (😍🥳)

3) Buck talked with Christopher of why he was seeing more than one girl and how it was wrong for his sake. Christopher answer that he doesn’t care about them because he knows they will leave him in the end as his mom did. Eddie heard them and later he give his son the Shannon letter and with that. It seems Christopher have his closure with his mom (We don't know it yet until the last two episodes airs)

Now, from Ryan interview we know Buck is going to meet Kim and I think if that's so. Then Buck would try to tell Eddie how it is wrong for his sake and his relantionship with the nun (lol) as he did for Christopher. But I think also, that as Christopher didn’t listen to him. Eddie won't listen to Buck either. Because Eddie is still missing Shannon in some ways and seeing her in Kim face made him again romanticed his marriage with her. When we know the memories he played weren’t happy ones but where we saw there were problem in their marriage. Problems in wich Shannon asked Eddie to divorce him before dying

But as Christopher have found his way to close that chapter with the letter. Kim is the key to Eddie to have that closure with Shannon and realize why he can’t commit to any women he's been with or have what he though he had with Shannon. Because he have to go deep into himself and understand something he didn’t understand before (as his sexuality or his feelings for Buck)

[kelin-is-writing]

some reverse comfort before i fall asleep lol

dabi has a lot of nightmares and he's terrified of you finding out so he avoids sleeping at your place for a very long time

once you manage to convince him tho he'll try so hard to stay awake all night long and in case he does fall asleep and have a nightmare he'll try his hardest to not wake you up and he might even move to the couch if it was a rly bad one :')

you find out at some point ofc and dabi feels so weak and childish for being so affected by his dreams. he's very caught off guard when you don't judge him but proceed to comfort him instead.

the way you hold him after he wakes up with bloody tears slowly rolling down his cheeks once again quickly becomes his favourite thing 🥺

he would never admit it but he kinda looks forward to having nightmares now bc it means you'll hold him for the rest of the night and run your fingers through his hair while mumbling reassuring words and reminding him of how much you love him :3

- 🥛

NO NO NO BECAUSE— imagine dabi nodding off but then jumps awake cursing himself for nearly falling asleep with you beside him, he pinches the bridge of his nose shaking his head while reminding himself to stay awake.

the last thing he wants is to show you an uncool and weak side of him, this boy wants you to know only the badass side of him.

at some point though you did find out about this little detail and while it would be just fair to accept him not wanting to open up with you yet, it made you sad that he had to restrain himself out of fear that you would be bothered by his awful past that still haunts him.

“you know, if you want to sleep go ahead, i don’t mind.”, you tell him testing the waters to see what his answer will be and how you’re gonna proceed then “i’m not that sleepy, i want to spend more time with you princess.”, liar. he has been yawning since he came an half hour ago, it’s so obvious he’s tired and you were happy dabi wanted to spend time with you, but his health was way more important right now.

which is why sighing heavily you surrounded his neck with one arm, then resting an hand on its side you pulled him down to place his head onto your lap “we’ll spend plenty of time together when you'll wake up, now sleep.”, he widened his eyes blinking a few times before trying to lift himself up, but you forced him down once again glaring at him with pursed lip. dabi knows you wanted to look menacing, but he couldn’t help finding you adorable instead.

the villain was truly so thankful you wanted to help him, but this wasn’t bound to end well and shit– despite him trying so hard not to fall asleep, he felt so damn comfortable and relaxed with his head on your legs while you pet him so gently, like he’s made of glass.

after he fell asleep, twenty minutes later, you felt dabi start shiver while gritting teethes suddenly; your eyes looked away from the book you were reading to glance down at him “t-the flames... i can’t– i can’t stop them...!”, you heard dabi mumble in his sleep as he started to tremble so much it seemed like an electric shock went through his whole body, what made you even more worried were the tears of blood streaming down his cheek as he was holding back from screaming at what he was dreaming.

whatever it was though you could see it wasn’t a nightmare like every other one, dabi is too deep into it to the point his body was almost convulsing as his pants became gasps, like he was struggling to breath and that simply broke your heart.

but as of now it was better to wake him up, leaving down the book, you gently rested one hand on his shoulder leaning down to his ear “dabi, baby...”, you said softly while caressing his upper arm tenderly, feeling relief wash all over you as his eyelashes fluttered briefly against your legs before he slowly opened his eyes still dazed.

after a second dabi noticed right away the blood stains on your shorts, he raised right away from his laid position, a bitter scowl on “fuck! sorry y/n, i–”, the villain got cut off by your sudden hug that left him speechless “it’s fine.” “princess–” “it’s okay to cry in front of me, don’t keep everything inside...”, he snorts closing his arms around your waist holding you tightly while burying his face in the crook of your neck, inhaling deeply your scent that always managed to relax him whenever he had an hard time, just like your presence did “i’m fucking uncool though, and also tainting your shirt with blood...” “i can wash it, you know?! besides... you ain’t uncool just because you’re crying, you’ve suffered dabi and your feelings matter, more than anything else.”, his heart fluttered at hearing your words, just like that more blood started to stream long his cheeks as a broken sob left his lips, you felt tears build up in your eyeline blurring your sight as you started to slowly caress the back of his head “will you stop love me after this?”, he dared to ask with hoarse voice, never pulling back, too embarrassed to look at you and you noticed, that’s way you were the one to pull back, looking into his eyes “if anything, i’ll start love you even more now.”, you answered while cupping his cheeks and running your thumb across his cheekbone, scrunching your nose teasingly at your boyfriend who was left, once more, speechless by your honesty and genuine love for him.

dabi rested an hand on the back of your head, getting a confused look from you, before pulling you onto his chest and hugging you again; eyes wide staring in front of him as his cheeks slowly turned red and heart started hammer hard inside his ribcage.

maybe crying and having nightmares wasn’t as bad as he thought as long as you are by his side, cuddling him.

[bluecladone]

Beat Veilguard last night, here’s some of my thoughts (SPOILERS BELOW):

First, some positives: Holy shit this game is a visual gem. The art direction and set pieces really blew me away in some places. That mountain with the titan corpse? Treviso? The lyrium chamber with the Oracle? I can’t wait for the art book lol. Also the animations and hair physics are *chef’s kiss*. I was really worried about the animations as Bioware has repeatedly gone on record saying how difficult the Frostbite engine is to work with (and I’m still a bit scarred from Mass Effect Andromeda lol) but they seem to have finally mastered it here. I was surprised at how expressive Rook was and loved how nuanced the dialogue choices were. Somehow, no matter which dialogue option I chose, I felt that the delivery was exactly what I wanted or better. There were times where I wanted Rook to be angrier or meaner though lol. Also, the worlds weren’t nearly as linear as I feared they might be. I thought it was a good balance between open-world and linear level design.

Now for some things that irked me:

There were a lot of bad line reads, especially at the beginning. Bellara springs to mind, though when she wasn’t trying to sound quirky she actually sounded alright lol. Looking up her actress, it doesn’t look like she’s done a lot of voice work, so it could just be rookie mistakes. Then again, Ali Hillis—Harding’s actress (and Liara T’soni and Aloy)—also had some clunky line reads. My guess is that they probably weren’t directed very well. Considering most of the clunky dialogue is in the beginning of the game, it’s not too egregious. I think they both found their footing with their characters as they went along. There were also some things that were worded or represented weirdly but I don’t know if it was on purpose or not? The two instances I’m thinking of are when Bellara tells Rook about her brother, and when Caterina was killed. My problem is the refusal to really say “killed.” Bellara says something like “wherever [her brother] is” and the implication is that he’s dead, of course. But the dialogue choices were either offering condolences or asking intrusively what happened so I wasn’t given a hard confirmation of his supposed death until a later conversation. The same happens during Lucanis’s recruitment mission where, after returning to Crow headquarters, Illario tells us that Caterina was “taken” by Venatori. I automatically assumed she was kidnapped, (which turns out to be the case, but I digress) since we just sprung her grandson from mage jail. That is, until Lucanis later swears that her death will be avenged, and I was like “Oh. Well maybe I missed something, even though I don’t think I did?” For hours afterward I was really confused by the coded language used and wondered why no one would just say dead or killed lol. But then it turns out that both characters are alive after all, so maybe it was on purpose? I guess? It was a clunky set up, if so.

Which leads me to my next gripe: during the mission to help with Caterina’s funeral, Lucanis tries to ask Illario about the details of the murder, (where did it happen, how was she killed, etc.) and doesn’t get a straight answer. Then Illario is weird about picking up “Caterina’s” ashes, which not only immediately made it obvious that he was a traitor, but also baffles me that the Crows somehow fell for the body double ruse twice in a row?? Not a lot of discerning people in a faction where the correct body should be tantamount to their success, no? Then, when it is glaringly obvious to the cast that Illario is the traitor, they just...kind of sit on that info and do nothing about it?? No warning to Teia and Viago, or anything? Honestly, everything about the Crows bothered me a lot lol. I didn’t like that they were portrayed as this plucky, lily-white faction of underground freedom fighters when we know that’s not how they operate. Not saying that they can’t be a terrible organization and patriotic, but the game does nothing to portray them as the neutrally evil entity they’ve always come off as. According to Zevran, they buy children from brothels and if they fail training, they’re killed. If they survive, they’re tortured to build their resistance to pain. Not to mention how Caterina used to beat Lucanis with a cane to correct him as a child, yet they still act weirdly warm toward one another. I get family is complicated, but geez. Maybe the Crows of Treviso are a softer touch, but I doubt they’d last long if that were so. I just wish the writers had tried to make them more morally gray than what we’re shown. I honestly forgot they were supposed to be scary assassins most of the time lol.

Some other little things before I move on to the big ones (besides the Crows lol):

While I loved Taash and loved getting to help them discover themselves, I was a little sucked out of the narrative by the ham-fisted lesson on gender identity lol. I get that they probably wanted to give a rundown for people who aren’t familiar with the topic, but I don’t think anyone who’s made it this far in the series isn’t at least somewhat familiar with the concept or are trans/non-binary/genderfluid. The Dragon Age fandom is very colorful that way lol. I could tell it came from a good place, at least. It was just funny to see the characters all but face the camera and say, “Hey kids, here’s a primer on gender identities for the uninitiated.” I didn’t really understand why Shathann was so hung up about Taash’s identity when Iron Bull flat-out tells us in Inquisition that the Qun has words and beliefs for people who identify that way and that they’re pretty chill about it. Not to say that EVERYONE in the Qun is likely to be chill about it, but still. Shathann even gives the same explanation before being interrupted, so it had me scratching my head a bit.

Then there was Bellara’s little “follow your heart” speech which made me roll my eyes a bit. Just a bit too corny and stereotypical for me personally. There are plenty of anecdotes about staying true to oneself without having to explicitly rely on the words “follow your heart.”

I got locked out of Lucanis’s romance without realizing until it was way too late lol. I don’t expect the game to be like “WARNING: CHOOSING MINRATHOUS OVER TREVISO MEANS YOU CAN’T FUCK THE HOT ITALIAN” but I feel like locking the romance entirely is kinda mean, especially after I looked it up and saw you could still romance Neve if you choose Treviso instead. As far as I know, Lucanis is the only romance option that gets locked because of a choice you made. I didn’t realize why I wasn’t getting flirt options until several hours later when I looked it up, after completing a shit ton of sidequests lol. Didn’t help that Lucanis is absent from the team for a good chunk of time afterward, and I’m a stickler for getting as many sidequests done as I can before moving on with story missions. I knew I could flirt with any of the other companions but it felt a bit late in the game to start at that point, and I was worried it might effect the pacing of the romance, so I just went without. Romance is kind of a big part of the appeal of these games to me, but it’s not everything. I thought about reloading an old (very old, by that point) save, but I didn’t want to deal with the frustration. Besides, I thought, if the game still holds up despite missing out on this one thing I was kind of looking forward to, then that speaks to its merits. I still had a good time overall, and am already starting a second campaign to explore some other choices and finally make that manlet mine lol. Still, it is quite annoying when choosing to save Minrathous is clearly the right call in my opinion. The game itself doesn’t make much ado about the consequences of leaving Treviso to fend for itself besides the civilian casualties. But it definitely makes leaving Minrathous sound more alarming. (You’ll basically be handing over the most powerful city in the North over to the Venatori and Evanuris. Treviso doesn’t have a giant floating castle with magic weapons that can pick a single target out of a crowd of people lol. Also the game acts like there wouldn’t also be a high civilian toll for some reason.)

While I feel that reading the tie-in books and comics isn’t required to get an understanding of certain characters and whatnot, I feel like it adds important context and makes you actually somewhat care for the fate of a lot of the characters in the game. It’s frustrating to track all that stuff down and read it, though most of it is covered in Tevinter Nights, however I might feel about some of the writing in that one lol. I suppose it could be argued that none of the Dragon Age games have ever been guaranteed sequels since its inception, so this was the next best thing to offer closure and/or extra worldbuilding just in case. In fact, the ending to Veilguard kinda feels like they’re trying to keep it open for a sequel since there are some minor loose threads, (And an end screen that basically says the Veilguard stands prepared lol) but who knows if we’ll see one. EA has never seen Dragon Age as a priority IP, since it’s an RPG and those can be hard to make into bestsellers. They’d rather focus on something more like Mass Effect— a traditional third-person shooter with some RPG elements—which we’re almost certainly getting another of. Hopefully. If there ever is another Dragon Age, I really struggle to imagine what in the world it would even be about.

Another gripe is the fact that Morrigan is not at all as prominent in the game as we maybe expected. (At least, I did lol) It’s not that big of a deal to me, but it does make me wonder why they even put her in the game. I guess to give the player an explanation about Mythal and her relationship to Solas, and to give over the aspect thingy if you do all the sidequests in the Crossroads. It didn’t really warrant Morrigan’s presence, though. Then again, I’m sure the fans would have rioted if she hadn’t been there. I guess I wish they would have utilized her more, and better lol.

The same can be said of the Inquisitor, but at least they had the excuse of keeping the South together while Rook did their thing. (Which would be a great idea for a dlc/expansion; playing as the Inquisitor and maybe seeing more about the choices made in the last game since we didn’t get to see many in Rook’s journey.) Though I do have a big problem with an Inquisitor who still wants to redeem Solas after everything he did, which I’ll get into more detail later. An Inquisitor who romanced him and still wants to get back together with him is doubly icky, but once again, I’ll come back to it lol.

Now the big things:

Varric. Oh, my poor, poor Varric. I made a post a while back about how I thought I might not enjoy the game as much if it turned out he died right at the beginning, and well...I was half right. His death was a twist I really didn’t see coming, and I’m honestly not sure how to feel about it right now. I admire the bait and switch for how clever it is, but am a bit frosty about how cruel it is, too. It feels a bit dumb to say for a fictional person, but I truly think I’m in mourning for Varric. I remember how I lamented in my old post about how it would have been so unsatisfying for him to die among strangers who barely knew him, away from the people that loved him best. This was softened somewhat by his relationship with Rook. Clearly, Rook cared about Varric a lot as a mentor, and possibly even as a father figure. (It helped that I headcanoned my Rook as someone who was separated from her parents at a young age and therefore craved that connection.) It’s still upsetting that I was half right with my prediction, and my heart breaks when I think about the Kirkwall gang not being there when he died, especially Hawke. Once again, I’m unsure of how I’m feeling about all this. I’m upset, but also aware that he couldn’t last forever, despite my wishes lol. Would it have been better to hear about him dying offscreen in a supposed sequel or tie-in book/comic? I’m upset Solas killed him, but I can’t decide if it’s out of character for him to have done so. I was surprised he stabbed Varric when it happened, but it’s not like he didn’t give Varric a warning when he broke Bianca. And he did kill Mythal, who he was closer to than anyone, despite how complicated their relationship got. I still need to reflect on all of it, and maybe my opinion will change when I have a clearer head. What I took the most exception to was the Inquisitor’s reaction to it as one who both romanced Solas and wanted to redeem him. Looking back on how you get to choose whether she gets back together with Solas or not leaves a bad taste in my mouth. At this point, the Inquisitor is obviously aware Varric is dead and that it’s Solas’s fault. I feel like even the most besotted, kindhearted Inquisitors would have trouble reconciling that, regardless of how close they might or might not have been to Varric. He was part of the inner circle, integral to stopping Corypheus. I feel like that should warrant some kind of reconsideration on her part. I’d be fine if she still wanted to redeem Solas, but pursuing a romantic relationship with him despite everything he’s done not only to Varric, but the world...it’s just gross to me. Maybe the Inquisitor sees Rook’s encouragement to get back together as some kind of forgiveness towards Solas on Rook’s part? I don’t know...it takes quite a bit of mental gymnastics on my part lol. But maybe others feel differently. I’d love to hear someone else’s opinion on the matter. As it is, the kiss before Solas and the Inquisitor disappear was soured for me. I might go back and try some of the other ending choices to see how I like those, but for now I’m focusing on another playthrough with an Inquisitor who did not romance Solas and swore to stop him. We’ll see which I like better lol.

Another big issue is, while I totally expected Solas to betray Rook at some point, the way it was handled was not very good in my opinion. Why, of all times, would Solas turn on us after killing Ghilan’nain? I know it’s likely a pride thing, or possibly he’s lost faith in Rook’s efficiency after they get one of their people killed. (Or more, depending on your choices for the assault, but I looked up the optimal choices after getting Harding killed so I didn’t traumatize myself further lol. Sorry Davrin and Assan :’(.) In fact, I was so confused by Solas’s timing that I thought it was actually Elgar’nan fucking with Rook’s head as revenge lol. Anyway, deaths in the line of duty didn’t seem to phase Solas in the past, though we do see that memory in one of his regrets. It just seemed hasty for him to immediately banish Rook to the Fade prison when they’re the one who’s done all the heavy lifting so far. And somehow, Solas seems surprised shit doesn’t work out like he planned later, but once again, I guess that’s his pride at work. This is also a complicated one for me that I think I need more time to puzzle out. I just have a hard time reconciling how someone so smart could be so dumb. Even when he was at his most powerful, he still had help from Felassan and other rebels. And yes, while Solas does take charge of Rook’s faction after trapping them, I highly doubt they compare to ancient elves with powerful magic and spirits. Credit where it’s due though, I was concerned when Solas had that line in the beginning about “abhorring blood magic” when he says the opposite in Inquisition. I can see now that it was clearly a lie meant to put Rook more at ease. Or at least, that’s how I saw it.

Overall, I did enjoy the game, despite my many problems with it. That being said, I think the mass layoffs at Bioware really made the game suffer in the writing side of things. Hopefully the new staff finds their footing after this, and I wish them the best of luck.

R.I.P. Varric Tethras, a self-admitted liar who could be honest to a fault, whose charm captured me from the moment I met him. He’s the charismatic character all writers strive to create.

[kuzann]

Vlad is stuck at home, Danny learns about the Key of Memory, Jack has a nightmare, and Valerie makes up her mind. FINALLY got this chapter done. It became really easy to write after I focused intensely on a completely different story for a month lol. Maybe keeping multiple AUs active at once really is the way to go for my creative process.

Excerpt:

Valerie didn’t draw attention to the fact that Danny, Sam, and Tucker had disappeared around half an hour ago and had yet to reappear. The most obvious explanation was that there was some sort of ghost issue going on that the three were dealing with.

She wanted to help him too. But would he keep trusting her if he knew she’d figured things out? Would their past and her continued association with Vlad get in the way of their friendship going forward? It was an association of convenience at best, but things were sour enough between Vlad and Danny that it might not matter...

The two families dispersed around mid-afternoon, with the kids promising to meet up again later for fireworks watching atop the Ops Center when night fell.

Valerie passed the hours before then with exercise, a bit of reading, and catching up on chores she still had to do. The Fourth of July had never been particularly special to her unless they were going to the parade or some other big event. It felt like any other day, save for the promise of fireworks later.

She was taking a trash bag out to the can just before sunset when she noticed something odd from the corner of her eye. Valerie froze, her breath catching in her throat, and turned her head to look.

The stag creature lay in the shadows under the fence halfway between their house and the back of their yard, only partially visible in the weakening light. Its head was down and its eyes closed, its entire body slack with exhaustion.

Valerie slowly resumed her walk to the trash cans, keeping her eyes on the stag all the while. She lowered the bag in, careful to keep her movements slow and measured, then returned to where it lay.

The stag stirred as she came closer. Its golden eyes were dull, and its movement sluggish as it lifted its head and gave her an imploring look.

She wasn’t sure what to do. It was only hostile when attacked for the most part, she knew that, but animals could get panicky when they were injured. The last thing she wanted was to catch a tine if it decided to take a swing at her.

Still… The way it looked at her… Was it really ‘just’ an animal?

Valerie crept a little closer. “Can you understand me?” she asked, balanced on the balls of her feet in case he started thrashing.

The stag nodded. He was trembling now, though from fear or fever she couldn’t tell—the wound in his haunch was still oozing blood even now.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Valerie said. She lifted a hesitant hand, but stopped short of reaching out to him. “I noticed that you aren’t trying to pick fights…” The bout with Plasmius came to mind, but that she could excuse by Vlad having somehow started a fight with the stag first. “For the most part,” she added. “Can I help you go home? You just need to get to the Ghost Zone, right?”

The stag shook his head.

Valerie blinked with surprise. “But you’re a ghost, aren’t you?”

Again the stag shook his head.

“So… What are you, then?”

The stag’s ears drooped as he gave her a look of utter misery.

“Right, I guess you can’t talk…” Valerie stepped closer and got a good look at the wound on the stag’s haunch. It looked deep, and given her sheer lack when it came to veterinary knowledge she had no idea how to treat it. “Would you like some food and water maybe? Would that help?”

The stag’s eyes widened, and he nodded.

“Okay, just lay low out here for a bit.” Valerie returned to her house at a fast walk, still wary of startling the stag if she moved too quickly. She took their largest plastic platter down from a cupboard and stood frozen in the kitchen for a few moments. What were deer supposed to eat? Plants, obviously, but other than that she had no idea given that her interaction with normal deer was very limited, having lived in the city her whole life. Lettuce would probably be a safe bet at the very least.

There was a tub of assorted greens in the veggie drawer. Given how bad she and her dad were at eating them before they spoiled they wouldn’t be sorely missed. Valerie put the tub on the platter, then added a few carrots and a cucumber for good measure.

It didn’t seem like enough, given the size of the stag. Valerie added some zucchinis and a few apples as well.

Next Valerie found a suitably large bowl and filled a few bottles with water to pour into it. She paused at the back door. The stag was dirty and haggard, going gray with dust when she’d gotten close enough to notice. He would be more comfortable if she could clean him up a bit…

Valerie left the food and water by the door and dashed up the stairs to get one of her old hair brushes; she wouldn’t feel guilty if this task finally did it in, given that she’d only kept it as a spare after getting a new one.

On her way back down she grabbed a few big garage towels as well, and with all she could think of gathered together she went back outside into the fading afternoon.

The stag lay exactly where she’d left him, again lifting his head as she drew near. His ears perked up at seeing the food.

Valerie set the water and food out for him, upending the tub of salad greens onto the platter with the other food she’d chosen, then left the stag to eat and knelt down by his neck. She gently ran the brush across the stag’s mane, ducking when he lifted his head to regard her again.

She could feel the gratitude in his eyes, the misery of his situation making her heart ache. The stag gently nuzzled her cheek in thanks—as wary of startling her as she was of doing the same—and returned his attention to the food.

A calm silence fell over them, filled with the rasp of the brush, the sigh of the breeze, the rumble of the occasional passing car, and the crunch of the stag munching away on his meal. 

Valerie let her mind wander, and it promptly found thoughts of Danny yet again. She had to tell him, had to make sure he knew that she was on his side. They would be able to coordinate against any of Vlad’s schemes much more easily that way, and ghost hunting in general would be safer for both of them if they teamed up. Things had gotten better lately, and they could get even better if she summoned up the courage. But something told her that Sam and Tucker still wouldn’t like it—

An early firework went off a ways down the street, startling both of them. She and the stag shared a slow glance, then she relaxed.

“That was just a firework,” Valerie said, giving the stag a reassuring pat on the forehead. “There’s gonna be a lot more where that came from, so be ready.”

[mrs-gauche]

So, I had planned to write a comment on the three published synopses of the upcoming comic series "The Missing" (first volume to release on January 25th btw!), but since @felassan​​ kinda beat me to it and already wrote amazingly detailed posts summing up everything and elaborating further on what I fail to put into words lol, I'm just gonna add my pointless ramblings poor two cents to it now, I guess. 😶

(Beware also of spoilers for Tevinter Nights, Absolution and the comics under the cut!)

(Thanks Dark Horse btw, for already giving away half the plot with these, jeez 😂)

First off, when I first read the second synopsis, not gonna lie, I was genuinely surprised that Solas turned out to be the "former friend" in question. 😂 I know, it was kinda the obvious answer, but maybe that's why I wasn't really expecting it? I think the title also lead me a little astray here? Assuming that the title is actually referring to Solas.. Given the circumstances, referring to Solas as "missing" would be.. pretty funny and also more than a litte strange to me, actually? lol It would definitely raise a few questions here...

So, let us assume that the theory about the eight year timeskip since Trespasser turns out to be true. Have they (the Inquisition) been searching for Solas this entire time? And if that's the case, why is that so funny to me? 😂 (Especially considering the whole ending of Tevinter Nights, even though we can't really tell when exactly that last chaper took place.. Imagine they've been searching for him for the better part of a decade, and then he just pops up with a silly wig and a fake french accent at some tea house one day. lmaoo)

Furthermore, why is it *only* Varric and Harding that seem to be conducting this search? You would think that for something as crucial as finding the person that announced to destroy the world, there would be a few more people on this search than that? lol So, what's the rest of the remains of the Inquisition doing then? Are there several teams searching in different places maybe? To expand this search as far as possible? Maybe they're trying to keep a low profile by searching in teams of two, since it would reduce the risk of Solas finding out about what they're up to? I mean, wasn't that the whole reason for why they even said they needed to "find someone Solas doesn't know"/never sees coming at the end of Trespasser, to try and keep him in the dark about any efforts against him?

Also, speaking of Varric. Assuming that this story takes place after Absolution now, the ending of the series could explain why Varric left Kirkwall and his position as Viscount? Maybe, aside from trying to stop the obvious threat/end of the world, they are now desperate to seek help/information/any answers from Solas on what to do against the corruption of the Blight and the red lyrium spread? (Because if there's *anyone* who would know something, it's him right?) What does the state of the world look like in regards to the Blight and red lyrium in general after a potential eight year timeskip?

Okay, so why would they be searching for Solas in the Deep Roads beneath Marnas Pell then? Honestly, when I read this the first time, my mind (as always lol) immediately went back to the red lyrium idol again. And no, I still don't believe that a single thing about the Bard's tale in Tevinter Nights actually happened (but that's just me). lol So, assuming this happens after the end of TN (and Solas isn’t already in possession of the idol like he claimed), he would still be searching for that flippin thing now, wherever it may be. (How could the idol end up in the Deep Roads beneath Tevinter you ask? No idea. 😂) But I also can't forget about the ominous "Hunt of the Fell Wolf" poem from the Jaws of Hakkon DLC that talks of a demon wolf (Solas?) in a "labyrinth of winding cave" (Deep Roads?) where there's an "idol that could prove the monster’s doom"(!! Coincidence?? I think NOT! lmao).

Btw, wouldn’t it be kinda funny though if Solas was searching for the idol now, while Varric who found the idol with Hawke in the first place, is now searching for Solas? lol

So, what's the plan here exactly? Assuming they would be successful, in which case Varric and Harding find Solas and then.... what? You're telling me Varric and Harding are gonna tie him up and talk him out of his endeavors? 😂 Single-handedly kill him? Torture him with tea? Spy on him? Reminisce about the Inquisition days? lol I honestly think it's more likely that they would try to talk to him, being former friends and all, unless they have some type of super secret weapon against him that we don't know about yet.

So what *would* Solas be doing in the Deep Roads beneath Marnas Pell? (Besides, you know, painting yet another teaser trailer thumbnail for YouTube. lol)

(Our man has been procrastinating hard for the past eight years, painting as many Deep Roads cave walls as possible to avoid going through with his plans. lmao)

It's also worth to remember that a lot of Tevinter was actually build on the ruins of old Elvhenan, which could explain why there are still places with names like "Solas" to be found on the map. (And btw, what is it about this place that lead to it getting this name, anyway? I mean, that name practically guarantees for this place to become relevant in some form down the line in DA4, right? Especially since Solas' line about how he supposedly came from a "small village to the north" won't ever leave my mind and we all know that this man is always telling at least half the truth, so.. could he have been referring to the place literally called Solas, if that's his place of origin or would that be too much on the nose? 😂) Anyway, it definitely raises the question on how old some of these Deep Roads beneath Tevinter actually are and if there could be structures found beneath it that even precede them (like what we saw in The Descent)? And maybe that's part of the reason why Solas would go there..?

Anyway, since none of this actually seems to matter now, because as it turns out in synopsis two, apparently Solas wasn't there after all. 😂 Next stop is Vyrantium and an encounter with "deadly Antivan Crow assassins", which is interesting, since the last we heard of Vyrantium and crows, it was in the "The Wigmaker Job" in TN. Additionally, the cover of volume two features two characters that kinda look like the crows Teia and Viago!

I'll be honest, I had completely forgotten that Teia and Viago even made an appearance in Deception. lol But the look does kinda match? So the question is, what lead Varric and Harding to go from the Deep Roads to Vyrantium and then to the Arlathan Forest?

So, the Arlathan Forest. Again, please check out felassan’s post for more information, they’ve done a fantastic job to write down every important bit to know here. Much like Teia and Viago, it was also featured in both TN and one of the short stories “Ruins of Reality”. As were the characters Strife and Irelin! Could they be the mysterious “Veil Jumpers”? What even is a Veil Jumper, anyway (felassan gave some pretty cool speculations on this!)?

Former DA4 Creative Director Matthew Goldman made an interesting comment on a fanart once, that lead people to speculate that the group of people we've seen in a lot of concept art are called “Veilfire archer”?

..Which does sound to be in the same vein as Veil Jumper, so could they all be part of the same group of people/an entirely new faction even?

(Notice also the recurring background with the golden/autumn leaves. Reminds me of the leaves and branches seen on the (now removed) vinyl cover (showing the Black City *cough* Arlathan *cough*??).)

And lastly, what is this "crucious stone" and how does it relate to literally anything? lol While felassan did speculate about a potential link to Latin/Tevene, someone else pointed out that "crucious" is literally Greek for "crucial". So.. plot crucial stone? lol As in, literally another MacGuffin? (Red lyrium idol, you're getting competition lol) The fact that it's Greek is interesting to me, given that we've been speculating for a while now that BioWare seems to take a lot of inspiration from Greek mythology for anything regarding the ancient elves. 👀 And since we *are* in the *Arlathan* forest here after all, maybe that's where the connection lies..?

People have also pointed out that, based on the track Varric and Harding have been taking so far, first Marnas Pell, then Vyrantium and now the Arlathan Forest...

...assuming that, if they were to go further east, they would end up at the White Spire, which is why some people assume that this is where Solas has to be now. lol

I mean, anything is possible! We know next to nothing about the White Spire (not to be confused with the White Spire in Orlais btw lol), other than it's an Antivan mountain north of the city of Brynnlaw, so there is really nothing else to go on as to why Solas would even be there.. But considering how they are marketing this comic as a direct tie-in for DA4 and there’s still one volume to go (I think?).. Maybe we do end up knowing where Solas is at the end of this comic and this will segue directly into the beginning of DA4 somehow?

(I also want to mention that Rivain is also right next to the White Spire when going even further east. Rivain being also where the main base of a certain guild of treasure hunters is located. Lord of Fortune has been a very popular candidate for the potential next protagonist for a while now. Just saying... 👀)

[yellowjacketslesbian]

tagged by @kaftan. thank you!!!!! 🫶🏻

Last song: first time by hozier (I’m back in my hozier era, in case it wasn’t super obvious from my 5 billion posts about hozier and how incredibly taivan his lyrics are lol)

Currently watching: I just started watching the bear last night actually, and I really like it so far! I’m also in the middle of my millionth dickinson rewatch rn. as soon as I finish the bear, I really want to watch the interview with a vampire tv series because I was obsessing with the movie and book as a kid. plus, I want to watch it for the vibes because I’m working on a gothic romance vampire / werewolf taivan au rn. on that note, I’m also trying to watch as many gothic romance / horror, vampire, and werewolf films as possible rn since I’m still in the early drafting phase for that fic. if anyone has any recs let me know (bonus points if it’s queer and double bonus points if there are lesbians). I used to be super into the genre as a teen, but it’s been like a decade since I’ve watched / read a lot of it.

ALSO, I HAVE A TICKET TO SEE BOTTOMS TOMORROW!!

Current obsession: Yellowjackets and the doomed lesbian soulmates (taivan), as always. particularly who taissa and van are as individual characters at the moment though and like who they both could’ve become if the crash never happened. like it’s just really fascinating (and also super depressing) to think about.

I’m also having a blue jean (2022) phase rn, since I was finally able to buy it. like I’ve watched it twice in the last week alone. like it’s just such a masterpiece of a film and it’s incredible to finally have some butch4butch rep.

also, my jesslupe obsession recently returned at literally the worst possible moment with the cancellation.

I’ve also been super into hozier and mitski lately with their new albums. like I’ve loved them both for years, but it’s really cool to be able to talk about new music for them both!

tags: @transpidergwen @lavendersnakee @c-nan @tranzkavka @vanscargoshorts @fuffywumple @teabookgremlin @weird-bitch-r @dykedolly and anyone else who wants to!! 💜

[lauranyx]

My Stray Kids Fanmeet Experience

So i saw skz for the first time in real life the other day (jan 202023 to be exact :p) and i wanna write my whole experience so that i can look back at this in the future cuz my memory is shit 😅

It all started last year 2022 around Nov/Dec when bench announced that they'll have a bench x stray kids fanmeet this Jan 2023 (excite excite) so obv i just HAD to get tickets. ITS STRAY KIDS HELLO?

minor detour for some of that extra context lol:

I got into skz mid to late 2021 and ofc it was felix with his deep ass “cooking like a chef” yt short that sucked me in. From then on i just got hooked into their content and just them in general. Really nice to see a grp thats around my age doing something amazing like what theyre doing now.

Anyway! Back to my fan meet xp

So last yr i saw the announcement and got all majorly excited. At first i was thinking of getting VIP tickets. I was actually willing to spend 8k for a fanmeet and a chance to receive a poster from them. But then i saw the lines in bench and i was like,, hell naw! I aint gonna be putting myself through that. Y’all can wait in line for that imma spend my time elsewhere. So i waited for the promo period to get tickets for lower box instead. This was only 4k with a chance for a bye wave opportunity (no physical up close interaction like shaking hands or anything but at least u get to see them closer up). I was totally fine w this since i spend less and since im not going for what majority (who can afford) want, less ppl to deal with/wait in line for.

Now.. i went through s t r u g g l e just to claim my ticket after buying my stuff from bench. Dont really wanna retype everything since ive already shared w my friends so imma just attach screenshots of my rant

(Screenshots here)

Now, after that whole ordeal, is the new year and i honestly forgot there was a raffle. Also can i just say, thank goodness ate girl (for those that dont know ate is filipino for sister that we use even for non relatives.. kinda like noona/unnie) was kind enough to send me my code that night so i was still able to enter my code for the raffle to win a bye wave opportunity. Cuz if not… i wouldnt have seen skz up close😿

Jan 12 day of the bye wave winners announcement: I checked my email around morning and noon; nothing. So i was like ayt, i didnt win. I’ll still get to see skz tho irl w decent seats.

BUT THEN

when i checked my email again in the evening- actually i didnt purposefully check my mail; i just saw the push notif on my phone. Something like “STRAY KIDS WINNER, congratulations!” and I FREAKED THE FUCK OUT. Like OH MY GOD. OH. MY. GOD!! I WON?!?!??? Suuuper ecstatic. Kept squeeling and shit. I could not even.😶😱🤗😵🥴🫠🤪🤪🤪

After i was able to calm down, I immediately let ate girl know if we could meet up earlier so i can get my receipt back so i can have no trouble on the day of the fanmeet when i claim the raffle. She was nice enough to agree and meet up earlier and it was nice that she seemed happy for my win (she also bought lb tix) kinda regretful i didnt try to be friends w her but im shy so whatever. I just want receipt so i can see the bois😛😁😁😁

Cut to day of fan meet. Wait no- actually.. the week of the fanmeet. The monday of that wk is when i met up w ate gurl to get my receipt. Friday was the fanmeet. In between i was tryna decide my outfit (that i dont have a pic of but whatever. i’ll describe it nalang) which ended up being a kinda loose white tank top with a green plaid long sleeve on top then dark grey/black slim jeans. Add in a couple of accessories ( choker, chains, earrings) and we’re good to go. Oh i also had on my hidden high heel highcut black sneakers (or at least i think theyre sneakers; can never remember fashion shtuff)

In case it wasn’t obvious i was fully planning to go on my own since my friends/cousins said they couldnt (busy or broke) so whatever. BUT THEN my friend, day before the fanmeet- night before actually- was like “ hey! Joke lang im actually going to the meet” so i was like “omg yay!” Not like that exactly but yeah. Same sentiments :p

I asked my friend if we could meet up on fri and she said sure. She’ll just be w her friend who got her the ticket.

Now! We can finally cut to the day of the fanmeet. Claiming for raffle winners are from 10am-2pm then theres an orientation @3pm so i went to moa around 12-1230, got my photo cards (chan, leeknow, & hyunjin) and the wristband showing me as a bye wave winner. Went around moa, had lunch in jollibee, waited around in my car for my friend to arrive around 4, 5pm. Ate again in ikea resto then we finally went to the venue.

While lining up we made friends w another stay who gave out some freebies (ngl i forgot her name🥲) she was sweet. I was kinda stupid and decided to split up from my friend (cuz there 2 lines and the one i went to was shorter but my friend didnt follow so 🙃☹️) so i ended lining up alone when i told her that i wanted to meet up so i wouldnt line up alone lol. Anyway, i got inside moa arena went to my seat in lb 221 and got ready for the fanmeet.

The fanmeet started around 7pm (tho gates opened at 5) it wasnt fully packed inside but there were still a LOT of Stay that attended. Tho i think gen ad was fully packed.

Honestly everything happened so fast that if i didnt take videos and didnt see the vids that others have posted online, i woulda forgotten everything but i know i enjoyed every minute of it😁

So first off skz opened w God’s Menu then the host, Sam Oh (who i know of because she used to be on radio and i loved listening to her shows then), introduced them and on the programme went.

The kids played some jenga w missions, whisper challenge, dance replay challange, domino challange, paint a shirt that was raffled out to the audience) call w a fan(that didnt work out cuz of cell service issues) also i didnt quite get that WE had to call the numbers of the phones in front of the skz members so i didnt really try until it was too late. One fan was able to connect tho but it didnt really work out too well. Im glossing over these and might have mentioned them in the wrong order but thats because there are tons of vids out there about these so i won’t go into detail.

At the end of the fan meet skz performed Case 143 and we moved on to the giving out of signed posters THEN my long anticipated bye wave opportunity. So while the poster receivers were getting ready so were the bye wavers. There was an usher of sorts holding a sign for us to recognize and follow to the exit. The staff told us that no pics/vid was allowed😕 sucks but i was planning to sneak a vid if possible. Others also tried im sure of it. I was 15/200 in line. Unfortunately because i was so close to the front and they were ushering us to the stage pretty fast, i couldnt set up my phone to video on time. No matter tho. There was a barrier that was too high for the phone in my front jean pocket to even capture anything so it wouldve failed anyway.

Going up the stage felt so rushed even tho the videos showed that we werent even walking that fast. But it felt so fast that i couldnt even tell you what order the kids were in when i was waving bye to them. Thank god for other Stays tho so imma put their line up here so i can recall my experience better

They were grouped by twos behind some barriers that looked like kiosk stands from left to right (tho we entered right and left the stage left) it went

Chan - Lee Know | Changbin - Hyunjin | Han - Felix | Seungmun - I.N.

We were like 5ft away from them kandhaksbskabxj

Ok so first i saw was IN and i gotta be honest i cant remember the experience 😭😭 id like to say we made brief eye contact but im not sure. I think i saw that he was looking at the ones behind me so i moved my eyes to Seungmin. Again i cant remember anymore so idek what actually happened here

Now Seungmin, bb, i swear we made eye contact and i think i shocked him with my hair cause his eyes widened and mouth opened wider while looking at me aidbsidbdlaj. Context: i have a shaved head. Tho im in the middle of growing it out. My last shave was mid Dec last yr so my hair at this point is about an inch to an inch and a half

Lemme just insert here that i COULD NOT stop smiling

Next was Felix and oh. my. GOODNESS GRACIOUS!!!!! We made the looongest eye contact ever!!! wodbsisbdb SWEAR!! At least 2 seconds! It was glorious~ And his face was just so beautiful and his smile was angelic and he may not be my bias but he lives rent free mehn. Rent. Free. Period.

Ayt so Han. My bb, my bias. I feel so bad cause i think i got so caught up w looking at felix ( making fucken 2 second eye contact) that i think Han saw me not looking at him so he went on to say bye to the ones behind me already😖😣😔😢😭 tho i did try to catch his eyes but no such luck cause i had to keep moving

Moving on, it was Hyunjin. Very brief, my encounter with him. Again i think i spent too long looking at Felix that it just pushed back the rest to skip over me causing me to miss meeting eyes with the rest. But Hyunjin 👌 also he be the tallest of the grp

Same thing with Changbin tho i really did try my best to look at them whenever they were more or less directly in front of me. The size of this man tho! Batak! So buff 💪 i just wanna feel… all of it👀 in a non sexual way ofc😶 unless? 😏 jk (or am i🤔)

Anyway!

Lee Know is so pretty like wtf . But again he was already looking at those behind me😞 and i had to keep the line moving so.. sad=me Lee Know is my bias wrecker pa naman🫤 i really love his relationship w Han whether its just friends or whatever it is I just love seeing the interactions. (Ngl tho,, the fan edits of minsung that i see Stay post? Mmm is something alright)

Bang fucken Chan DOE! Maybe cuz he’s last idk. But he made it a point to look at me in the eyes😍🥰 made me soo happy~ and his smile! And dimples! My gosh he’s just adorable☺️😊🫠🫠🤭 i just wanna be your friend man. Actually i just wanna be friends with all 8 of them bdkajxhak

Moving on.

After all this we were ushered out of the arena and I decided to loiter a bit outside before i went back to my car. Fangirled like crazy. Then promptly went back to the hotel. I fangirled again when i saw my cousins at the hotel roofdeck cuz i couldnt just keep this in mehn i had to let it out and share my joy.

Later in the night i found out that skz stayed a bit longer to jam w the crowd while Doodle was playing. Kinda jealous but i got to see them up close so im content for now.

The upcoming concert in March tho.. i NEED to get sound check and vip tix. I just gotta💪 heres to me, hopin’ i get the tickets i want🤞🤞

[abyssmalice]

// genshin spoilers re. 3.3 patch

(aka some brainrotting and hc editing based on all then new lore dumps)

(ok i just gotta quickly note before i forget (AGAIN SYGCSGYCU) abt how the archon quest basically made it clear that the harbingers Do know the histories of their fellow coworkers

like the winter’s night lazzo pv hinted as such, but it wasn’t clear to what extent everyone knew about everyone else

but the archon quest makes it clear between signora’s and scara’s conversation that they know each other’s pasts in addition to their names - though, whether this is just the case for Some of the harbingers vs all of them isn’t explicitly confirmed, but the running implication does seem to be that everyone knows each other rather well, even if they don’t necessarily get along as well lol

—and this is important to me for smol toni !!!!!!!!!!!

until now, ive more or less ran by the hc that toni’s history is a confidential matter even among the harbingers - the only ones who really know about her is the tsaritsa, pierro and dottore. the hc was that, in the eyes of the other harbingers, she’s a truly mysterious existence; the rumors around her and her origins may or may not be truthful, but in the case that some of them are (re: the one where she’s related to the tsaritsa), the other harbingers maintain a respectful stance - while gnashing their teeth when toni gets to her teenage rebellion phase, potentially.

however, with canon’s declaration that the harbingers might actually be more privy about each other, this hc more or less needs to get thrown out lmao

as such, the new premise is this:

toni’s name and history are known to the other harbingers. this means -

they’re aware that she can use more than cryo without a vision

she’s part-irminsul and can affect or manipulate the leylines to some extent (such as creating leyline disorders and the contents of the leylines, for example)

she was taken from her family as a seven year old child and became one of dottore’s experiments for a few years

she broke out of dottore’s facilities, destroying and maiming everyone in her way in the process - the hidden truth that she’s the sole instigator behind the abyssal moon massacre

she and her family are bonafide snezhnayan citizens living in morepesok

that last one is probs lowkey important for toni on a personal level bc i feel that’s Really gonna add to her already prevalent paranoia that the fatui can harm her family when she isn’t looking - after all, they know where her loved ones are and she’s too far from home to really do anything about it. it’s easy to threaten their safety when she can’t personally assuage matters.

but anyway, the main takeaways from this is that basically any harbinger muses can be aware of toni’s past prior to becoming a harbinger - excluding the matter of the abyss, which remains unknown bc she absolutely will not say shit about that to anyone.

which is to say that from the timeline of events she’s experienced, other harbingers can be aware that -

she was one of dottore’s experiments i.e. she doesn’t like him but for obvious reasons now; she’s likely afraid of him, bc what child experiment wouldn’t be, even with all her loud acting?

she caused the abyssal moon massacre i.e. she’s a child, and she may have not been in her right mind at the time, but the fact remains that she’s a mass murderer even before she became a harbinger.

she’s definitely not the tsaritsa’s daughter or related to her on a biological level - even if occasionally, that might be an act being put on for oblivious observers.

she was born human but somehow gained inhuman abilities related to irminsul

that last one again might be significant, at least for wanderer muses - since she’s part-irminsul, she can potentially remember things even wiped out from irminsul, but that’s a detail that requires plotting so it’s not a default premise or anything—it might be significant if, say, wanderer muses want a convenient source for irminsul info that isn’t dottore or something lmao

sPEAKING OF SCARA BY THE WAY....... him being confirmed to have been experimented on by dottore and sent to the abyss by the fatui????? oh mY GOD THE TONI-SCARA FRIENDSHIP IS REAL!!!! ITS REAL CRIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

or at least those two have Very similar grounds/experiences to bond over. if they ever wanna talk about it lol.

pwease gimme toni-scara friendship crumbs oh god i beg of u gibe twin gremlin harbinger fwiends dsucsygsuydgsyud)

[punkscowardschampions]

Tancy Pt.2

Teddy: [omg I love it, this boy won’t love being interrupted but he’ll be amused by who did, catch him wave at this bf and say ‘oh hello, do come in’ like this is his house haha]

Nancy: [I hope you’ve brought your rugby friends sir because we are NOT having this conversation happen, no thank you, the way we’re launching ourself at this man is hilarious honestly, drag him away girl]

Teddy: [at least you can go and get dressed, thank god, I’ve wanted that to happen since you got out of that bloody bath lol, take your time and more peeps will be here by the time you reappear]

Nancy: [sorry to your flatmate who’s bed you’re evidently boning this man in because his clothes are in your room, who even are you sis, god knows]

Teddy: [we’re all thrilled to note that his keen gf will be here early because the party won’t have started hard enough that you can’t hear that, especially when you obvs want to sir, so you can likewise hookup with this girl in Nancy’s bed, which you will love]

Nancy: [just in case anyone was unsure what sort of party this was going to be lol, the messiness]

Teddy: [it sends me how blatant you both are at all times, couldn’t be more obvious unless he was calling this girl by her name]

Nancy: [these poor people being used so shamelessly, soz guys but she isn’t at all]

Teddy: [nor is he we all know it, but Nancy you in danger girl, your bf’s name is so similar to his and yet not similar enough and that’s asking for trouble]

Nancy: [I know, you’ve literally just plumped for different nicknames, you cannot though, you’d never live it down, gonna have to stick to daddy like your life depends on it lmao]

Teddy: [me like do you even know what this girl’s name is yet Teddy, cos I doubt it, oh these sociopaths, ANYWAY, shall we skip to a bit later in this party to find another moment between y’all?]

Nancy: [sounds good gal]

Teddy: [Winola gay what should we do? We’ve done sofa and balcony and beds, hmmmmm]

Nancy: [you could do some drugs together? Can make it more public than the bathroom or have other people in there if we needs]

Teddy: [that’s a good idea boo because they would be and often because drugs never last, and I’m 100000% sure y’all are just doing it out in the open anyway cos the kind of party this has become and the peeps you are]

Nancy: [and you will have to come out of your friend’s bedroom eventually and let your mans be here, even though you’re on edge about it because of who you are and who Teddy is too, clearly you are gonna be dumped by this one soon but that’s by the by for now]

Teddy: [mhmm, and he’ll have to let this girl out of Nancy’s room eventually too because she’ll wanna have a drink and dance and do drugs and talk to other people not just hookup with him in the host’s bed all night long, though I’m sure you gave it an impressively good go and were there for ages cos you don’t wanna leave sir]

Nancy: [gonna have you break away from your boyfriend because rugby lads are feral and they’re probably making up some gross game to do these drugs and you’re like no thank you, I will find another group to join and not make an absolute show of myself like that, and you can’t exactly turn right ‘round when the circle you fall into happens to include Teddy so here we are]

Teddy: [god, they’ll be doing it out of each other’s foreskins or butt cracks or something, why are rugby boys like that? It’s grim, I’ll be kind and say his gf is likewise not around because she’s catching up with the friends she came with after you rudely snatched her away forever, y’all are all welcome, catch this boy immediately coming up to her and doing her zip because there was the TINIEST bit that wasn’t zipped all the way to the top by her bf or herself post hookup and we can’t have that, LINGERING over the gesture like it’s the entire zip from top to bottom, moving her hair so he doesn’t catch it in there, the whole thing]

Nancy: [no one needs you coming for this poor girl, run hun, run and stay away because there’s never any telling which approach we shall take, truly as the mood takes us; at least you can finally take the time to look at him in his new ‘fit and nod appreciatively as if it is purely at your work in buying said clothing, straightening his collar with a tut]

Teddy: [doing such a dramatic and camp bow when she’s looking over his outfit as if he can take any credit except for how good he physically looks in it, you can tell your rugby bf he’s gay it’s fine we’d all believe it, no hate boy I love you, when she’s straightening his collar saying ‘I’ll need you tomorrow at [whatever am he is supposed to start work because meant to be a full half term hol long arrangement like lol make me look presentable then]’ but the way he says need you is borderline indecent because however long he hooked up with that girl she isn’t Nancy and it didn’t hit like it would if y’all just went there]

Nancy: [shaking your head with a smirk ‘don’t make me hate crime you’ because so camp, not that you actually care clearly but a lot of gals would and do ‘sure you’ll work it out between you’ with a look around the people who are just chilling near y’all right now as if you’re shocked his gf isn’t there beside him, like oh, where has she gone]

Teddy: [‘get in line, darling’ because like my boo said, so many people would and we’re aware, a glance over to these rugby lads first and foremost like her bf is gonna come and fight him, literally shrugging off the rest of what she said with a wave of his hand like meh because this girl has served her purpose for the moment and that’s how little he cares] 

Nancy: [the homoerotic way y’all are doing drugs right now making our eyebrows nearly shoot off our face because the irony of the fact some of them probably are massive homophobes too is not lost on us, laughing like yeah, you better watch out ‘there’s security, I know them on a first name basis now’ lowkey saying you’ll protect him whilst also alluding to how often you get in shit in this place, love to see it]

Teddy: [shamelessly doing a wolf whistle loudly at these homoerotic antics because one thing about this boy he is a wind up and lads you have brought it upon yourselves I’m soz, nobody asked you to do all that ‘where were they earlier?’ not him bringing up their playfight and how she needed security to get him off her because he’s so strong and had her so overpowered]

Nancy: [‘oh my god’ but we are amused and not embarrassed because can hardly expect no comment to be passed if you’re gonna do things like that in front of everyone in the party, lads ‘them?’ gesturing at the boys again like oh how gay of you ‘bit rude though’]

Teddy: [‘I know where they were’ and following it up with bitchy shade that’s so true because even if we technically don’t we can offer up a good guess that calls out exactly the type of lads these are, gotta be extra cutting because we’re jealous this is the boyfriend she has and who she was hooking up with instead of us]

Nancy: [just listening and trying not to give anything away on your face because you don’t feel the need to defend your mans because we all know you don’t care that much and that Teddy is right but you also don’t want to give him the satisfaction of you being visibly amused by this ‘like it won’t be you in, how many years now?’ because got to remind yourself of his age always]

Teddy: [a face like THAT won’t be me, at the ridiculous playfighting antics these boys are now getting up to which is just them hitting each other, because he’s not that sort of bear and a LOOK like you’re the only person I want to playfight with thank you without saying it out loud, putting his hand on her lower back how he do and steering her away from as many of these peeps as poss, handing her a drink so they’ve both got their backs to that nonsense]

Nancy: [shrugging because you have feral boyfriends because they tolerate your mental behaviour for longer but you’re not freely admitting that right now, drink your drink and look at him, narrowing your eyes like you’re really appraising what he will be like in two years time when he goes to Uni ‘you’re going to be bored to death’ because you just like me fr and we couldn’t think of a single thing we would want to study]

Teddy: [stealing her drink and taking a sip like she tried to do to him earlier because he’s tall enough to hold it out of her reach already I’m sure even with growing he might still have to do ‘yeah’ because there’s no witty bants or pretend refusal about this, he knows he will and he’s dreading it, at least at school you get different subjects to piss about in]

Nancy: [‘plenty of time to worry about that later’ as we’re watching him drink our drink, wistfully, because of course we wish we still had the excuse of time to not have to think about these things, already having to commit to being a mess so hard so no one asks us what we’re doing with our lives ‘didn’t give me a chance to spit in it’ said in a way that you could just be saying oh I should’ve but also the you would like it if I had is there and blatant too]

Teddy: [when you feel her mood shift and you don’t like that and it lowkey has you a bit shook how much you don’t like it and care that she’s a bit sad because you normally don’t give a fuck how anyone else feels mostly, so therefore immediately downing what’s left of this drink and giving her the empty glass to spit in with 0 hesitation like you’re purely doing it to cheer her/give her what she wants]

Nancy: [me like you like each other ooh in such a childish manner but you do lol not soz because she also cared when he was talking about his family issues, even though you both did your best to make it not serious; not y’all out here doing your own gross challenges, like you should not spit into this empty glass, sis because it is really blatant that this isn’t rugby boy bants but we all know she is, LOOKING at him so expectantly about it too]

Teddy: [it’s cute actually, we all know I ship y’all for your cray feral antics but that is just nice, meanwhile, me grossing myself out as I’m trying to drink this tea knowing that he will be tilting this glass into his mouth from a height like he held the bottle for her last night at first, and drinking what is just her spit in SUCH an extra manner, at least she had some beverage to go with it before]

Nancy: [us sickening ourselves for the sake of our art lmao, got to be done, she is so into it and you’d have to be blind to miss it, even if she’s saying nothing and not making a move, the eyes say it all, when he’s done, grabbing his hand and pulling him to go find one of the dealers/someone who always has drugs on them at this party because you need to do something and it’s the only thing you can think of that isn’t what you actually want to do]

Teddy: [he’d be into it even if she blatantly wasn’t but the fact she is and she can’t hide that rn is heightening that so much, hence the way he’s keeping hold of her hand long past the point either of them need to, EVERYONE LOOK IT’S THE FIRST EVER HANDHOLD]

Nancy: [at least we can all pretend handholding is giving gay bff vibes, nothing going on here people, lollollol, going to say whatever drugs you’re doing it’s a tab or a pill so you can put it on each other’s tongues, keep the theme going]

Teddy: [good idea because y’all doing a line off each other’s bodies ruster style would escalate really fast and it wouldn’t be giving gay BFF, pull her into a space to dance while you’re waiting for these pills to kick in]

Nancy: [mhmm, not today, if you were in a less !! mood perhaps but at this stage it would be bad news girls, plus pills have a very touchy-feely energy so you can get away with this and just say you were high even though you’re not yet as you’re spinning around]

Teddy: [they do, we all remember that Skins scene of Cook and Emily off their tits dancing and he was essentially groping her, you can get away with a lot without giving yourselves away, you’re welcome]

Nancy: [whether your boyfriend agrees when he can tear himself away from his friends and give a shit where you are is another issue but clearly ain’t happening yet so be here allowing yourself to be closer to him than you have done because it’s just dancing]

Teddy: [mhmm, just dancing, not AT ALL saucy antics that he’s as per turned on by, nope, Winnie says these lads should have a fight btw because he loves the drama]

Nancy: [oh Win I love you you little monster, it’s probably real even though he’s not one of your psycho boyfriends because all his mates are here and boys egg each other on like that, and this is very blatant, even if you swear down its just the drugs and nothing else, which is a lie lol]

Teddy: [^^ and Teddy will deffo egg this boy on too because the second he gets in his grill to try and intimidate him how boys do so they don’t have to throw a punch/can stall it by chatting about what they are gonna do, Teddy, the absolute wind up that he is, will be like ‘Are we going to kiss?’ so that everyone can hear and be amused, he will be getting smacked but he does not care lol] 

Nancy: [oh boy, ily, the awkward moment when you have to make a decision and you’d rather your boyfriend and his lairy friends get out, here acting like you care about getting in trouble and you can’t possibly afford to, which would be valid if you weren’t you, go have this awkward conversation/row in the corridor or something]

Teddy: [this boy unrepentantly calling ‘maybe later then, darling’ @ rugby bf in the tone of you know where I am if you do wanna kiss and it’s with your gf, haha, never change Teddy, cue his gf coming to fuss over him though which he’ll like because he likes attention but he’d obvs rather it was Nancy doing it]

Nancy: [oh to have to calm down a man and convince him you care more than you do, who needs it, you did make your bed though hun so you must, you can always say you’ll go meet him when your flatmate gets back and can control this party instead of you, do what you gotta even if you’re ending up in a worse mood for it]

Teddy: [meanwhile Teddy will be doing a line he absolutely doesn’t need rn off his gf in the suggestive manner we wouldn’t let tancy have like he’s so badly injured that he simply must, gotta do what he’s gotta do too, oh the way she’s such a shameless stand in]

Nancy: [you can’t be as fuming about it as you are but you are because your stand-in just left because of him so you are RAGING lol, storm off to your bedroom and kick whoever you need to out so you can sulk for a moment]

Teddy: [not this boy actually realising and caring so he comes trotting in, without knocking because he hasn’t had an entire personality transplant haha, it KILLS me that you really that obviously left your gf for dead to check Nancy is okay]

Nancy: [‘go away’ from under your pillow like the ultimate drama queen because you know someone is there but you aren’t looking to see who]

Teddy: [‘no’ sitting down next to her on this bed as close as he can get without accidentally squashing her]

Nancy: [groaning because it’s him even though you are secretly pleased it is because it means he left that girl in the dust lol]

Teddy: [the way he’s stroking her back in what is supposed to be a comforting manner but he doesn’t know how to do that so he’s just being lowkey indecent about it]

Nancy: [‘I hope your face really hurts’ as a way to ask how his face is, even though he clearly doesn’t care so it can’t be that bad]

Teddy: [‘it does’ in the vocal equivalent of 🥺  purely because she can’t resist it and he wants her to lift her head and look at him if only for a second]

Nancy: [of course you have to look up at him, even if under the pretence it is fully just to scowl and deliver this ‘good’ with your whole chest, sneakily looking to see how fucked/not fucked your face looks though]

Teddy: [when everything about his expression and the smile he can’t help but do is giving when you play peekaboo with a kid and you’re lovingly like there she is, not even in a pisstaking way he’s just glad to see her and glad his plan worked ‘Am I hideous?’ because want her to keep looking at us and not flop back down asap]

Nancy: [you absolutely think it is in a piss-taking way and have to kick him like stop it you, managing a small smile in a ha kind of way at this ‘yes, still’ like nothing new there, flop]

Teddy: [‘ow’ which could be at the kick but is deffo more so that the bants of calling him ugly because so offended, putting his hands to his heart dramatically like how dare you and how could you]

Nancy: [folding your knees up under your chin and hugging them to you ‘why did you do that?’ as a genuine question and you also bemoaning the fact he did]

Teddy: [‘he hit me’ as if he didn’t do anything at all to provoke or deserve such a thing]

Nancy: [‘he wasn’t going to’ ‘cos yes, we all saw you give him no choice there]

Teddy: [‘in that case, he should be thanking me’ because we all know he’ll be the big man with his mates for this ‘tell him I said, you’re welcome’]

Nancy: [scoffing like no, I shan’t be doing that ‘he’s not interested’ like best you get that into your head now]

Teddy: [‘in me or you?’ just asking her if she’s been dumped, don’t mind us]

Nancy: [‘fuck you’ genuinely offended because terrible self-esteem]

Teddy: [saying her name when he could’ve said a million other things instead to get his you know what I mean across]

Nancy: [looking at him for a while, debating how serious he is actually being or if this is all still messing with you ‘they’d have more fun at the pub anyway’ like that’s the energy and how you left things]

Teddy: [not this boy literally taking her knees she was hugging and then dragging her down the bed by her legs to be closer to him, gently but it’s still !! how could it not be and he’s still saying ‘you’ll have more fun with me anyway’ however soft and sincere he is being compared to usual]

Nancy: [can’t help but make a noise about it, again, how could you not, you neither saw it coming nor know how to deal with it, shaking your head at him very !! ‘you’ll be busy’ sounding very like a pouty child but that can’t be helped either]

Teddy: [doing another hot shh not at the noise that we love but at her pouty comment, shaking his own head like no I won’t ‘I’ll be here’ just lying with her on this bed basically spooning rn nbd]

Nancy: [‘you have to tell everyone we didn’t fuck’ then realising how that would sound like you definitely did, doing a lil lol as you are getting comfortable ‘just make sure that people know, yeah?’]

Teddy: [‘okay, I will’ while he’s wrapping his arms around her, again trying to be comforting but it’s just indecent]

Nancy: [making a noise that could just be him squashing you but it isn’t, pulling his arms around you tighter]

Teddy: [really doing the most to pull her whole body into his more, holding her even tighter about it]

Nancy: [holding his hands in front of your stomach, curling your legs up like you’re making yourself as small and surrounded by him as you possibly can]

Teddy: [doing his own noise fully in her ear, can’t even help it, just gotta, we’d call it a happy sigh but we cannot because it’s so much more than that]

Nancy: [getting to do your own hot shh about it, hot because it’s shaky af and blatant how affected you are by all this too]

Teddy: [if it wasn’t blatant how mutual it is already it will be because he’s almost panting in her ear and against the side of her face rn]

Nancy: [pushing back so you’re essentially sitting in his lap but lying down, couldn’t be closer together, digging your fingernails into the palm of his hand]

Teddy: [when you’re scared to move because if you start essentially dry humping her in this bed you feel like she’s gonna stop you and be like no no we can’t and you’d die of frustration but you also feel like you’ll die of frustration if you stay still, his lips brushing the shell of her ear until he can stick his tongue in it the way he wants to move against her, testing the waters to see what she’ll do]

Nancy: [when biting your lip doesn’t stop the moan from fully escaping your lips there and you have to clamp his hand over your mouth, gesturing with your own like shh because no one can know is the operative for us here]

Teddy: [when that moan has you moving whether you like it or not, literally couldn’t stop himself if he wanted to which he does not, sucking her earlobe like that will remotely shh either of them]

Nancy: [just here rolling your hips against him like you’ve wanted to this whole time, taking his other hand and putting it on one of your boobs just asking him to grope you some more silently]

Teddy: [doing that groping so indecently like she has so many layers of clothes on that he has to be !! and rough for her to feel it when she does not because I’m sure she’s probably wearing another dress and it’s flimsy af, pushing his tongue into her ear again so he doesn’t moan loudly about this]

Nancy: [the vibrations of the sounds his hand is only just holding back, pushing it even harder into our mouth in an almost painful way because we do not want to stop thus we need to be as quiet as humanly possible so we have no reason to, bouncing rhythmically against him in synch with what his tongue is doing in our ear]

Teddy: [so into everything that’s occurring, especially when there’s a rhythm going that is clearly hitting perfectly for you both that he can’t help but bite the side of her face, not hard enough to leave a lasting mark but still !!]

Nancy: [SHUDDERING about this bite in the most dramatic fashion because you need to feel our !! when we can’t communicate it any other way, running a heel up his calf]

Teddy: [having to lean and manoeuvre himself so that his face is near her pillow and bite it harder than he could her face because wishes he could and also has gotta stifle the MOAN he wants to do, really doing the most with his thrusting as he leans too obvs, getting that momentum behind it]

Nancy: [making the bold decision to turn so you’re facing him, not taking your body off of his as you do so, holding this pillow between your faces purely with the force you are pushing your face into it, he’ll be able to hear the SOUNDS you are muffling here but no one else should be, holding his shoulders fully !! at how this feels]

Teddy: [a bold decision to be appalled and he is by immediately moaning her name knowing it’ll be coherent to her in this proximity but nobody else is hearing it, welcoming the free hand now that he doesn’t need to keep her mouth closed to be able to grope her other boob and then when she’s holding his shoulders her arse to push her into him even harder than already was occurring]

Nancy: [panting his back to him, a syllable with each thrust, so wholly into how difficult it is to breathe and how you can feel his face through this relatively thin barrier, sneaking a hand up to said face because you want to feel how hot his cheeks are, the sweat on his forehead, the spit covering his lips, literally groping his face here and getting noticeably turned on by it with how hard you’re humping against him]

Teddy: [when you were gonna try and kiss her through this pillow just cos but then her hand is right there for you to do the most with and so you simply must, no notes]

Nancy: [somehow the most indecent thing that has ever happened, this pillow is working overtime, thank god this is a party or you’d not be getting away with this as well as you are, the shameless way you have to take this hand under your dress to touch yourself, bye]

Teddy: [it’s giving a flashforward to their car antics because she did something very similar then and I love to see it, not to mention they love a dry hump many a time, the way he’s deliberately pushing against her hand so she goes harder and deeper and he feels like he’s controlling this, enough said]

Nancy: [you are who you are lads and this not only tracks but is so your vibe clearly, the coherent ‘fuck me’ plea at him taking this control makes it blatant how we feel about it]

Teddy: [putting his hand on top of hers so he can more easily take control while not technically touching her himself and continuing to dry hump her so all the spots are being hit and stimulation is happening, his other hand going up to her hair for that reminder of last night when his rings got caught cos they will again as he’s pulling her head closer to his despite the pillow barrier and finally kissing her through it]

Nancy: [kissing him/this pillow in such a needy and ferocious way, I’ll be amazed if you don’t bruise him more than that punch did, holding the back of his neck with your free hand because gotta, so close to moving this pillow and your hand and just letting this all happen with no rules or barriers but you’re luckily as close to losing it and you just need to hold on that bit longer]

Teddy: [she deffo is gonna bruise him more than that punch did and he’s so here for it, the sounds are indecent as is his breathing rn, me like don’t actually suffocate please lol, also don’t give her a bald patch with how hard you’re pulling at her hair atm with all those ugly rings tangled in her hair, she’s gonna have a headache for sure but that’s the last thing anyone is considering rn, his finger will be going in her ear too, not even deliberately but just cos of how !! and feral he’s holding her head]

Nancy: [you’re going to be giant messes, her makeup as fucked as her hair but you’ll cross that bridge when you come to it, we’re dangerously barely thinking about anything or anyone outside of this room right now, trailing your fingers down his body, palming at his crotch]

Teddy: [mhmm it’s really not subtle, anyone could have seen him strut in earlier, could come in at any time or see the state of them when they come out, but he likewise can’t and doesn’t care about that rn, there isn’t a thought in his head except how good this all feels, literally having to do such a dramatic grunt about how she has just touched him because it’s the first time she has and he’s not okay about it in the best way]

Nancy: [it’s so not lmao, only fooling yourselves here but that’s what counts I guess, nothing is stopping us at this point, far too far gone baby, more firmly groping him right now, as much as his trousers allow because you need to, he has been teasing you with it all day so it is on your mind]

Teddy: [trying to tell her how that feels but he couldn’t coherently atm even if there wasn’t a pillow in the way which thankfully there still is because it’s doing a lot of work, also thankfully it’s obvious from how !! his body arches into her touch and is responding to it how he feels]

Nancy: [when you want to hear so badly and you’re so mad everyone is here even though this is exactly why you invited them to stop something like this happening but hey, pushing your hands to the side in another impulsive move, hitching your dress up to your waist so you can fully rub yourself all over his crotch in the most blatant way, letting him feel how wet you are, focusing on what you want the most shamelessly]

Teddy: [when that is absolutely SENDING you because she is so wet and there are so few fucks given to the aftermath and we love that y’all are this in the moment, hence doing his own impulsive move and pushing the pillow to the side so he can kiss her actually]

Nancy: [crashing your face into his, finally being able to breathe and having to breathe him in, your eyes WIDE open in disbelief that you’re really doing this right now]

Teddy: [truly, the word feral is too tame for this makeout, just doing everything he could have possibly ever wanted since he realised he wanted to and things he didn’t even know he wanted to do until this second, excuse us everyone for how loud this would suddenly seem, keep partying please]

Nancy: [when you need to keep in his mouth essentially, filling him with your tongue so there’s no room for the feral noises to escape but also you can’t resist leaning over him to drool in his mouth because the hottest thing you’ve ever seen and you could not adequately show that until now]

Teddy: [when you’re trying to tell her that you’re gonna die if she keeps that up purely with how wide your eyes are and that’s before she’s even spit in his mouth, which would have him CONVULSING against her with how !! we’ve gotta react to it, GRABBING her with no thought to where or how hard he is or how loud their bodies slamming against each other will be]

Nancy: [the unhinged way you’re trying to get him undressed and your own pants to the side like in any way either of you is going to make it to penetration here, just aimless with how much you can’t concentrate at this point, thrashing your body against his so wildly it feels entirely out of your control now]

Teddy: [god bless you for trying hun but we all know he can’t help you he’s too far gone and can neither stop moving for long enough or cope with the fact that she’s trying to undress him and is thus willing for it to actually go there because he lowkey didn’t think he’d see the day so the thought of it and her attempts and therefore touches of him will absolutely be killing him to the point it’s likewise unhinged]

Nancy: [not you in another bold move getting on all fours and directing him to eat you from the back as you fully finish him off by sucking his dick through his underwear]

Teddy: [another incredible bold move and this boy needs no encouragement to go along with it even if he won’t be able to last long about it, it’ll be long enough and nobody here is embarrassed by any of their actions on this day]

Nancy: [you’re both going to die almost instantly but that’s kind of the point, you could totally not but are absolutely sucking as hard as you can to actually get his cum in your mouth through his underwear, so casual, so fine]

Teddy: [again excuse us everyone because there is no way for either of them to do what they are doing quietly and he isn’t trying to because he’s as per trying to do the most like she is, go about your business nothing to see or hear here]

Nancy: [at least you can’t be hollering but truly, the noises that are being made are indecent and could only be one thing, doing such a contented moan right now]

Teddy: [doing his own, not even trying to mirror but simply because it feels like they’ve been frustrating each other for 9000 years and he can’t do anything but now that they aren’t]

Nancy: [turning your shaking body back slowly so you can look at him, however risky, you gotta, deeply tongue kissing so there’s a huge mess of both your cum and spit laced between your mouths when you pause and grin at him]

Teddy: [the way that look is returned and saying everything he’s not gonna be allowed to say for 2 years because there is no way he isn’t OBSESSED with her from this moment on, I’m soz, he just is, couldn’t agree to the Grace plot any quicker and this is why sis, giving her heart eyes not even knowing they are heart eyes because he’s never given them to anyone]

Nancy: [god bless you chaotic messes, simply have to call him a good boy because what else would be appropriate when he’s looking at you like that]

Teddy: [simply gotta lie all over her like a pet immediately because love to hear that and also don’t want her to leave and this to end even though that’s a risk for all the reasons we already said that anyone could come looking for y’all/accidentally stumble in here and upon this scene]

Nancy: [laughing quietly but happily about this, stroking his cheeks and getting distracted by how messy they are ‘mucky pup’ whilst making it worse not better of course]

Teddy: [licking her like a lil cat wherever his head is resting no fucks given where that might be, I like to think that maybe it’s her knee because grabbing that is what started all this]

Nancy: [doing a lil gasp because not expecting it and it got to you in a likewise unforeseen way ‘don’t turn me on again’ as a whisper]

Teddy: [doing a bigger lick and going further up with it because she liked it and he simply must, paying no attention to that whisper even though he definitely heard it]

Nancy: [‘Teddy’ at the same sort of volume but more of a warning in tone as you squirm only slightly out of reach ‘I’ll never let you leave’]

Teddy: [‘What makes you think I want to leave?’ hence continuing to lick her, this time being shamelessly in her inner thigh about it like he’s cleaning her up]

Nancy: [finding the abandoned pillow to stifle a moan here before you can continue, speaking slower from the effort it is taking ‘I know you don’t, that’s why you’ll get me in trouble’]

Teddy: [shaking his head but from the position he hasn’t moved from ‘I’m a good boy’ like no I won’t, remember you just said that, doing her other inner thigh because can’t have cleaned one up and not the other]

Nancy: [shaking your own head like no no, ‘bad boy’ saying it SO indecently because of his antics, even if you had a point to make, can’t help getting a little distracted]

Teddy: [soz to her bf because he will be biting her right there on said inner thigh like when you tell a dog off and it snaps at you, giving that energy because we are leaving a mark this time and he is not at all soz]

Nancy: [smacking the top of his head but also reflexively wrapping your thighs around him, mixed messages much ‘you have work, and school and a family’ just listing all the reasons he cannot stay like you aren’t holding him hostage currently]

Teddy: [‘I don’t care’ because truly do and cannot rn and barely ever, making that point by starting to kiss her everywhere he has licked, really slowly like he has all the time in the world ‘neither do you’ because you know she won’t now you’ve started these antics]

Nancy: [closing your eyes and pinching your nipples until it burns, hissing in satisfaction as he’s raining these kisses down on your thighs ‘I’d love to keep you as my sex slave-’ a statement with the but left unsaid]

Teddy: [we all know where he’s kissing her now because gotta urge her to the only way he can, like yep do keep me please and thanks]

Nancy: [‘I don’t care’ repeated back to him because right now you couldn’t give less of a fuck about anything, just pushing yourself greedily onto his tongue]

Teddy: [me being EVIL and deciding that they should be allowed to keep this up until she is almost dead for peak frustration and then they should hear someone coming, probably a horny couple who wanna use this room so are making out and not looking which gives him time to roll off this bed dramatically and under it without being seen, just for the drama and the cockblock and the wake up call]

Nancy: [at least this is your room so you can be suitably pissy because everyone heard your boyfriend leave so you get to be a bitch, also I’m sure you had enough time to cover yourself sufficiently to not feel totally exposed to these clueless hoes here that you’re cussing out and lowkey pushing out the door with the frustration built there, just standing with your back against this door now like !!]

Teddy: [this boy here under this bed trying not to lol even though he’s very amused at everything she’s saying to this random couple, catch him crawling out like a monster from a horror film because the only way, it’s a miracle this tall boy fit at all I’m sure, thank god for big rich people beds, hence can’t resist grabbing her ankle even though that was a serious close call]

Nancy: [when going to kick him away makes you almost fall straight onto your arse because some level of intoxicated and also so close to an orgasm that you’re kinda shaky from that, freeing your foot and jumping back on the bed with a grumpy noise like no]

Teddy: [getting up, much more awkwardly and with more effort than it took for you to roll down there, sitting on the edge of her bed as he smooths his clothes out and picks off the worst of the under the bed scut/wipes the dust off as best he can, handing her something he found under there that she lost though, bonus points if it’s indecent like underwear or something or something gross she wouldn’t want back like scattered trash lol]

Nancy: [just catching your breath and thanking god that the random couple wasn’t a closer friend or someone else you care about more, scowling at whatever he hands you like he’s a cat bringing you a dead animal, rolling over and off the bed to whatever vanity moment is in this room to begin to sort yourself out ‘jesus fucking christ’ at the actual state you have gotten in]

Teddy: [a quiet lol at her scowl and then a bigger but still quiet one at her reaction to her reflection because the drama mick, but getting properly re-dressed himself and running a hand through his hair because he knows he’s gotta be in a similar state]

Nancy: [the GLARE via the mirror like if you don’t shut up, even though there’s zero chance anyone heard that, almost coming at him with a makeup wipe but deciding that’s a little too personal at this stage so throwing a couple at him like yeah, your face is also a mess as we sit back down at the vanity and try to more tactically clean our own face so we don’t have to sit here and redo the whole look]

Teddy: [come at your face with those wipes sir because you can’t really just hide here forever however much you might want to, wincing slightly and making a sound like an intake of breath/when you suck your teeth when he gets to the bruise he’s gonna have because had lowkey forgotten about it and wasn’t being careful/never is]

Nancy: [can’t help but look up at him again when he does, even if you’re not passing comment to show you care, it was instinctive nonetheless ‘I’ll get some ice’ because decided we need to leave first, not that we feel at all ready or want to, would much rather hide in here until everyone left]

Teddy: [even though I 10000% know there’s at least one other mirror in this room other than the vanity she is sat at, coming to check how his face (mainly future bruise) looks in that mirror specifically, resting his chin on her shoulder to look from where he’s lurking behind her]

Nancy: [‘what are you going to tell your boss?’ meaning his father of course, talking like you don’t know they’re the same man like that puts any distance between y’all and what just happened, brushing your hair into an updo of some variety so it tickles his face, unclear whether you think this will move him or he will enjoy it, we aren’t saying huns]

Teddy: [‘lover’s tiff between MY rugby boyfriend and I?’ because I’m sure your dad would be fuming if you were gay but you haven’t actually dropped that bomb because he’d say it was a phase at your age and because you’re actually not and do wanna go out with girls too it would look like he was proved right, enjoying this tickling so much you gotta reach and touch her face]

Nancy: [your mother meanwhile, OVERJOYED lmao, no woman will ever take you away; us here shaking our head at this suggestion like oh you, putting our hand over yours like don’t mess up my face again but we’re lingering and not putting words to the gesture]

Teddy: [mhmm she deffo thinks he is and is BUZZING about it, she’s gonna be fuming when Grace and then Nancy appear and he has not 1 but 2 children with the latter, bringing her face closer and kissing her on both cheeks how he do, but SO lightly they are barely touching, to not mess up her face, the 2nd one being on her hand though technically because he hasn’t moved his or hers, and to not be too extra about what is a goodbye gesture because time be running out]

Nancy: [soz amanda seyfried, stop being weird lol; closing your eyes with such a dramatic sigh like he’ll have no clue how you’re feeling if you just don’t talk to him or look at him or do anything to actually face any of this because really don’t want to ‘just-’ and truly having no clue how you intend to finish that sentence]

Teddy: [it makes me lol that’s her face because IRL she’s living her best life with Gus the donkey ‘go? or…?’ because you can’t bring yourself to say the word stay rn if she would mock it or deny you which feels v likely, the pause of the … feeling SO drawn out even though it probably isn’t actually because of how long it feels like it takes you to drop your hand from her cheek where it has been the ENTIRE time]

Nancy: [‘Or?’ As a genuine question, like what alternative do you know of, shaking our head and putting our face in our hands, resting elbows on this vanity ‘I shouldn’t have done or said- but I did’ making eye contact because important to try to convey that we aren’t really sorry whatsoever we just don’t want to be caught here, shrugging like that covers that and there’s not so much more you could say about it]

Teddy: [do a dismissive hand gesture as if neither of you had asked the question and it’s really that simple to just forget about because you don’t see an alternative in this moment, at least not one you’re gonna put yourself out there to openly fight for ‘Well, I understand if I’m off the future guestlists’ as if you’re gonna just not come to a party ever again lol, imagine]

Nancy: [doing another shrug with the same dismissive energy ‘I don’t see why we need to be that dramatic’ like it will also be really chill to just go back to how it was and see each other around, we love the optimism there ‘[someone who is infamously a dick or she has infamous beef with] still shows their face’ as we’re getting up and smoothing out the sheets of this bed, putting THE pillow back where it should be with a pause you can barely notice]

Teddy: [just doing a face when she compares him with that person, like she’s the one being dramatic for doing that when they are someone who is clearly unwelcome and be doing it she has said it all and he also is, but we’re keeping said face OTT as if this is all bants obvs]

Nancy: [looking up when he’s not replied because the face he’s making is so loud, rolling your eyes at him, half affectionately ‘nothing has to change, alright?’ we’re all easy breezy here]

Teddy: [taking the vibe she is projecting and running with it, hard enough that he’s almost mocking her, by making himself super comfy on the bed she’s just made like oh okay then I won’t rush off as everything’s so chill, out here being the most cat like yet again]

Nancy: [shaking our head like yep, that’s about standard you behaviour, when you can’t help but look at him laying there and be mad you can’t join him, locating your phone, to distract yourself from the possibility, to remind yourself of the boyfriend you’re meant to go meet]

Teddy: [I love that there isn’t a single thought for the gf he has abandoned, how rude but real, I’m gonna have him send her a message purely because she is on her phone ignoring him and he would]

Teddy: What are you doing?

Nancy: [I will reply, even though you could just look up, suppressing that urge with a small smirk when you get this notification]

Nancy: Trying to ignore you

Teddy: You’re failing miserably, by the way

Nancy: What else is new

Teddy: True, you did say nothing was going to change, but I thought you were just saying it

Nancy: Why would you doubt me?

Teddy: I doubt everyone, don’t take it personally

Nancy: I will

Nancy: Did the trust issues come with the daddy ones or?

Teddy: Ha ha

Nancy: We are still in the same room, don’t come at me with fake laughs

Teddy: What I read doesn’t warrant real laughter, but if you’d prefer silence

Nancy: Never

Nancy: I hate being ignored

Teddy: So do I

Nancy: Who’s going to look up first…

Teddy: You will, of course

Nancy: I picked up my phone for a reason

Teddy: The reason being that you need all the help you can get, you already admitted as much

Nancy: So

Nancy: you can’t tell anyone 

Teddy: So look at me

Nancy: It’ll be weird now

Teddy: It isn’t awkward for you that your boyfriend [recapping that homoerotic display in too graphic detail lest we all forget exactly how cringe it was lol]

Nancy: Are you going to hate crime him now

Teddy: Are you going to look at me?

Nancy: [you have to, even though you are going to be red from how stupid you feel, have to prove that you can]

Teddy: [have to do a smug smile because you ‘won’ by getting her to first, from where he’s still looking down at his phone like he doesn’t even care but we all know he’s clocked how red she is and loves that too much not to look up at her and hold the eye contact and see if she’ll go even redder about it]

Nancy: [scowl and flip him off before hiding your face in your hair because you will and you know what he’s doing and being smug about]

Teddy: [a lol that isn’t gonna be heard over the party noise if your antics weren’t, again like he’s so smug, but he’s doing the realest heart eyes ever when she’s hiding her face and can’t see them because duh that’s how he actually feels]

Nancy: [love how you should be leaving this room but you don’t want to so you haven’t, just sat here, nbd]

Nancy: Prick

Teddy: [an immediate look up at her purely so he can show how OTT offended he is by that comment even though we all know he isn’t and he’s very much amused actually]

Teddy: Oh, is that why you’re sitting such a huge distance away?

Nancy: You know perfectly well why 

Teddy: Because you’re a sore loser

Nancy: Am not

Teddy: Spoken like one

Nancy: You can’t trick me into looking at you again

Teddy: I’m not trying to

Teddy: be my friend & sit with me, if you aren’t upset at how quickly you lost

Nancy: [get up from whatever seat/spot on the floor you were in, looking at him so warily because you can’t trust yourself and you know it full well but at the same time, you said it would be the same so you have to, sitting down at the foot of this bed like there you go ‘happy now?’]

Teddy: [shamelessly watching her move for every second until she sits and then looking away which is the opposite to what most peeps would do but okay sir you do you, making a noise like he’s considering the question as he reaches and picks her foot up as if he’s gonna drag her closer by her ankles much like how he dragged her knees earlier, but just holding it for a beat and not, obvs, we’re only trying to put the possibility in her head like it is in ours]

Nancy: [unable to keep yourself from jumping as you tense your body at his touch, like you dare not move whilst his hand is on you, likewise holding your breath so everything suddenly feels really silent before you can hear your blood pounding in your ears]

Teddy: [‘You know? I think I actually am’ in response to her question when she’d have thought she wasn’t getting one, in that tone of being amused because he’s genuinely surprised because rarely that happy lbr and the day started off with him so sad]

Nancy: [brushing your own fingertips over where his just were without any real purpose or understanding why you are, glancing up more naturally due to his tone ‘I’m glad’ sincerely but understated]

Teddy: [instead of moving back to where and how he was sitting before post reaching over to grab her, instead, lying on his stomach where he is so that his head is v close to her where she’s sat on the end of this bed, giving her a more genuine smile that could be played off as him being glad he’s invaded her personal space more because he’s giving the little brother energy of doing it to be annoying, but we all know]

Nancy: [nudging his shoulder with your knee and smiling down at him, running a hand through his hair until your hand is resting on his neck, looking as if you might say something but you don’t]

Teddy: [I just know with my whole heart that this boy is wearing an ugly necklace of some sort because he’s a jewellery bitch so playing with that when her hand lands at the back of his neck as if he’s aware of it for the first time ever and how tangled it must be by their earlier antics, but really he’s just gotta do something with his hands that isn’t grab her, LOOKING at her like he’s waiting for her to say that something she isn’t]

Nancy: [do your own untangling from where your hand is, THINKING about how it got in that state so uncasually as you do, shifting so you’re sat slightly closer to him ‘I don't like wanting something I can’t have’ said after a pause that would make you think no answer to the question that LOOK was was coming]

Teddy: [‘there isn’t a thing you can’t have’ we can all pretend that’s said in a you’re young hot and rich and therefore can and do have it all way instead of the blatant way it was meant, because that’s totally fine]

Nancy: [‘not without consequences’ with a tilt of your head as if considering him and whether such consequences would be worth suffering]

Teddy: [‘the bad ones can be made to go away’ said like he is young and hot and rich and has never faced a consequence except the ones he finds fun like causing drama ‘like that’ doing a click]

Nancy: [moving your hand away, rubbing the back of your own neck as you shake your head ‘certain realities have to be faced, sadly’ noticing and then untwisting one of our dress straps that didn’t get put back on properly]

Teddy: [shaking his own head like no thank you because facing reality isn’t something this boy will willingly do, especially in this era before his 16th birthday, noticing one of her hairs whether it’s trapped around a ring or the button on his sleeve or wherever, taking it off and playing with it ‘how boring’]

Nancy: [watching him do this with such !! intensity, our other hand gripping the duvet we’re sat upon ‘I know but you nearly got caught already’ putting the blame on him as if you weren’t nearly caught together and it’s impossible to be just one of your faults alone]

Teddy: [when you were literally having so much fun tickling your own skin with this hair everywhere from the back of your hand to your literal face but then she says that and you’re offended enough to stop abruptly and let said hair drop to the floor, referencing your own death drop there and roll under the bed deliberately ‘I avoided being caught’ because she just lay there and the accusatory tone is saying as much lol]

Nancy: [frowning, practically flinching at him dropping this hair, moving back barely an inch but again, you must ‘it’s my room, that people saw me enter when my boyfriend left’ defending yourself like excuse me ‘or did you want to listen to them have boring sex for however long he managed?’ because imagine if you had both hidden and had to do that lol]

Teddy: [‘Perhaps it wouldn’t have been’ but you can’t say this with a straight face because you got a look at this couple from under the bed even if you don’t know them and if you do then you probably know it’s a lie lol, plus you’re then just thinking about being with her in a confined space so that’s enjoyably distracting in itself]

Nancy: [nodding your own exactly kind of laugh here, proving neither of you would be able to keep suitably silent if it was that bad, just telling him this couple’s business whether you know that on any authority or not, just love being shady]

Teddy: [listening to this and living his absolute best life because loves the goss, has gotten closer to her again closing that tiny gap she made without even being aware of the fact]

Nancy: [doing an impression of this poor gal who you’re only shading because she nearly caught y’all and making yourself lol ‘til you’re now lying next to him on your back]

Teddy: [not only doing a hot shh as if she’s going to get y’all caught again with her lols despite the fact you’re laughing too and clearly they aren’t loud enough for anyone to care about, but also putting a hand over her mouth with it, we all know why and the reminder it gives however playfully you’re doing it now sir]

Nancy: [giving him such a LOOK as your mouth is covered, like you need to be that blatant when only your eyes are there to communicate, actually no need though ma’am, nor do you need to start another playfight with the sole aim of getting him on the floor]

Teddy: [you likewise didn’t need to be leaning over her as blatantly and fully as you were, boy, and you definitely don’t need to continue to straddle her to this degree during the playfight so she’s pinned to the bed until you decide you want to roll her to the floor with you in such a !! hot move and not a second before, the idea being you were gonna drag her under the bed with you immediately like the thought you had before but of course you get distracted by being on top of her on the floor with your bodies all rolled up together]

Nancy: [the aim is absolutely to end up under the bed, you’ve both had that thought but you can never sufficiently fight back when you are too into being pinned here by him, can pretend the ow sort of noise is purely reaction to the fall but that is a flimsy excuse when it sounded that indecent]

Teddy: [mhmm, and I have no doubt you’ll eventually end up there when he remembers but atm his only vaguely coherent thoughts are about how much her dress has ridden up during all that rolling about, positioning himself deliberately so that his leg presses against the inner thigh lovebite he did earlier as though it’s purely accidentally because of how intertwined they are]

Nancy: [pulling yourself up using his shoulders again, so your face is more level and closer to his as you’re staring down at his leg between yours, biting your inner lip as your breathing quickens]

Teddy: [keeping his gaze FIXED on her face from this closer proximity as he moves his leg to do the absolute most, no notes, he just simply must]

Nancy: [keeping your arms wrapped around his shoulders, pulling yourself closer to him with a small whimper, shaking your head, scratching the rhythm he is moving into his back lightly with your nails]

Teddy: [making it more blatant in every sense because she hasn’t stopped you yet and he’s taking every encouragement she has given him as a yes for completely riding his leg on this floor, why wouldn’t he, don’t mind him just manhandling and manoeuvring her into position like they are still playfighting each other]

Nancy: [shuddering as you are placed, automatically riding against the rhythm he’s setting, breathing in time and more laboured as you go harder with it ‘happy now?’ as a whisper in contrast but the LOOK is loud]

Teddy: [giving her a LOOK back that’s as loud if not louder ‘I will be’ because the when doesn’t need to be spoken as it’s obviously when she is because he’s killed her with these antics, sounds suspiciously like you’re commanding her to do it rn immediately which lowkey is true and obvious from how intently you’re watching her every move]

Nancy: [‘I can’t say no to you’ as if that means you must and you don’t just desperately want to, leaning, straining to his face, to give it a deliberately slow and thorough lick, indecently covering every inch like it’s your job]

Teddy: [buzzing about that because he isn’t used to hearing the word and he isn’t about to start here and now, not if he can help it and he can by how hard he’s going with these antics, at least until she licks him and he SO suddenly stops, as does his breathing, because SHOOKETH, the !! clench of his jaw that doesn’t completely stop the NOISE that’s managing to still escape a little through gritted teeth, iconic] Nancy: [doing an angry clove noise about him stopping even though you could not be more thrilled with his reaction, doing the give me attention head rubs about it, licking down his neck as you do, going to unbutton his shirt, all the while aggressively grinding against his stationary leg]

[drinkinboilingcoffee]

I wrote this like a year ago lol

Devil’s Train

February 5th, 1979, Harperton, California

Last month, a man was hit by a train in my home town.

This wasn’t that unexpected. Harperton happens to be the railroad capital of the state, so shit happens. Drunk guy stumbles onto the tracks at night, kid stands in front of a train on dare, you know, the works. But this was a weird case.

The man’s name was Oscar Kingston. I didn’t really know him, but he was my cousin’s (who happened to witness the accident) neighbor, so I’d seen him around. He was a pretty normal guy; happy marriage, 3 kids, worked as a conductor. Just an ordinary John Doe you were so familiar with that learning his name seemed unnecessary.

But one day he just… lost it, I guess. His wife realized he was late coming home from work, so she had a friend go check on him. When she got there, he was just talking to himself, said he was “catching up with an old friend”. The lady went back home, but Oscar didn’t. About an hour later, he just walked right into town, paying no mind to anyone and still chatting away. Like I said, he wasn’t the kind of guy you payed any mind, so everyone just ignored him, let him pass.

No one noticed he was heading towards the tracks until it was too late.

It must have been over quick, because the train hit him head on.

He hadn’t batted an eye. Not even when the train was right next to him. He just smiled, laughed, and kept on talking to himself. 

Or, as people started to claim, to the devil.

————————————————————————————————————————————

Harperton’s pretty religious, and it didn’t take long for the rumor mill to get turning. People started to claim that the devil himself had called him onto the tracks to claim his soul. The church even sent a preacher down to bless the tracks. Soon, it became a local legend. Satan himself leading the pure to their deaths.

I don’t really believe in that sort of thing, and I don’t think my friends do either. But a few beers and a dare later, here we were with our flashlights out on the tracks.

“So, what are we trying to do here?” Barry sniffed, kicking an empty can into a ditch. The aluminum clattered on the stone, and somewhere in the dark an animal hissed. Gregory shuffled his feet, bumping into me. My necklace tangled in his zipper, and I pushed him away.

“Isn’t it obvious?” John reached into his backpack and pulled out a pocket knife. A crooked smile crossed his face. “We’re gonna catch the devil.”

“With a knife?” I studied him dubiously. “I think it’ll take more than that.”

“Didn’t ask you, girly boy.” My face grew hot, and I gripped my flashlight like a weapon. “Why’s she here, anyway? She’s not really a boy.”

Gregory pushed his shoulder. “Leave Marcus alone. He’s fine.”

“Whatever.” John handed us each a knife. “We’ll spread out. Last one to chicken out wins.” As he walked off, John stomped on my foot, and I gritted my teeth. “See you, girly boy.” Barry just yawned and wandered off. It was rare he even ventured an opinion on anything the crew did, which was equal parts annoying and relieving.

I watched as his light vanished into the distance. Greg put his hand on my shoulder and sighed. “Sorry about him, May. He’s a jerk to everyone.” He smiled, then smacked his head. “I mean Marcus. Sorry.”

I shrugged and smiled. Greggory was by far the least dick-y of the group, so we actually got along pretty well. He put in a good word for me a while back, which is how I got into the crew in the first place. “It’s fine. But we should probably split up.” 

“Alright.” Gregory gulped, his flashlight illuminating the sweat on his forehead. “See you in the morning, then…” As he started off in John’s direction.

I moved my flashlight methodically across the tracks, scanning the area like a searchlight. It was dumb, but I couldn’t shake the feeling I was being watched. I tried to steady my breathing and tried to shake myself awake, but the alcohol hadn’t helped.

Why do I stay with these guys? I wondered, trying to distract myself, They’re just a bunch of jerks. Popular jerks, I reminded myself.

A twig snapped behind me, and I spun around, trying to catch it with my light. Nothing moved. I gripped the knife like a lifeline. “John, If this is you, I swear…” I heard a footstep behind me, and I whirled around, heart racing.

I wasn’t expecting the light to hit a stranger’s face. 

I screamed and dropped the flashlight. I heard a crack as the glass hit metal, and the light flickered out. I scrambled to the ground and grabbed it, desperately clicking the button in hopes it would illuminate.

“No need for that.” A silky voice reassured me. I whipped my head around in the darkness, unsure which direction it came from.

“Who’s there!? I’m not afraid of you!”

Suddenly, a flame lit up next to my feet. I jumped, as the tracks illuminated with crimson fire. Standing about five feet away from me was a man I had never seen. 

He was in his mid 40s from the looks of it. His hair was jet black, streaked with silver, and he wore a suit the color of blood. The man stood at least seven feet tall, and kept a rigid yet relaxed posture that made him seem taller. His eyes were a color somewhere between crimson and gold, a sort of amber, like that in my necklace, but deeper, brighter. Strangest of all, his pale skin seemed to fade to red, almost as if he were covered in blood.

“Marcus, right?” I opened my mouth to question him, but he silenced me. “How do I know your name? I know all about you. I know how your “friends” treat you. They’re not the only ones, are they?

I lifted my knife and lunged at him, ready to drive it into him. But before the blade could bury itself in the man’s flesh, a fist grabbed my forearm. I struggled against his grip, which was hard as stone, and squeezed my eyes closed, expecting him to strike me back. But he only stood there, face as rigid as a statue. 

The man’s face softened in pity. “I’m not here to judge you. Personally, I couldn’t care less. I’m not here to “claim your soul for your sins” or whatever nonsense they’ve told you. Nobody ever went to hell for who they are.” His face hardened into a wicked grin, and he released my hand. “No, I’m here to help you.”

“I don’t need help.” I felt my hands shake, and I tried to steady myself. “Not from you.”

The devil (he must have been, right? Jesus, what was in that beer?) laughed. “Nobody wants my help. But they always need it. What if you could stop the taunting? Make them pay?” My lungs tightened as if I’d forgotten how to breathe. Somewhere in the distance, a train horn called out.

The devil took me by the arm and led me off the tracks. “You could be popular. Respected. People would bow to you, look up to you, treat you like a lord. All you need is to make a deal with me.”

“Let me guess. My soul? I’ll pass.” I looked down the tracks, the light of the flames replaced by that of a train’s headlights.

“What is a soul really? Can you eat it? Sell it? Does it make you happy?” For a split second, a look of disgust crossed the devil’s face. “That’s all you humans care about nowadays. Being happy.”

The train came to a halt in front of us. Steam blew into my face as the door opened. The devil gestured for me to step on. “Board the train, and all your problems will go away. But this is your only chance.”

I looked around the tracks, hoping to see the distant glow of a flashlight, the sound of a voice. Nothing came. I stepped onto the train, and a warm glow washed over me. The door closed behind me, leaving the devil on the tracks.

The train car seemed empty, so I took a random seat. I sighed, looking out the window, any exhaustion now gone.

“First trip?” I jumped, my gaze falling on a seat a few rows away from me. 

“I didn’t see you there.” I said, my voice shaking. This man looked familiar, but I couldn’t place were from. “Where does this go?”

The man shook his head, greying hair falling against his face. “I wouldn’t know. I’ve been here a while. I think I got on on the 3rd? January 3rd, to be exact.”

My heart stopped. “What?” My voice seemed to echo too far. I did know this man. From the obituary. I saw his photo. My cousin saw his face. 

January third.

One month ago.

————————————————————————————————————————————

I pulled my hood over my head, shivering a bit. Couldn’t we have done this later in the year?

“Greg!?” A voice called out in the distance. I rolled my eyes. John.

“Gregory!? Greg, I’m serious!” He did seem kind of panicked…

“GREG!!!”

I sighed. “This better not be a trick…” I muttered, running toward his voice.

I followed his voice down the tracks until I came to a stop in a wooded section. “What’s the problem?” John stood there, shaking, staring at something in front of him. I followed, his gaze, and my blood ran cold.

Lying on the tracks was a bloody mess, crushed beyond recognition. Several crushed amber beads lay scattered across the tracks, spelling out a name:

M-A-R-C-U-S.

[pint4punt]

A Giant Shopping Spree: Which Teams Should Plunder New York Before the Trade Deadline

We’re sorry Giants’ fans the party is officially over. What Brian Daboll accomplished in 2022 was nothing short of sensational, but as is often the case with incredible stories, the sequel simply doesn’t live up to its predecessor.

At 1-3 and dead last in a highly competitive NFC East along with a gauntlet of a schedule on the horizon, New York’s chances of making the playoffs went out the door with the Giants’ fans who left early in the 4th Quarter last Monday. We considered writing a follow-up to our previous rendition of “How Fucked are the Giants?” from a few years ago, but riding a nice buzz, we decided to focus on a more positive theme. Putting New York Football fans out of their misery for 2023! With this year’s campaign lost, it’s clearly time for the Giants to look to the future……and for competitive teams to raid their roster like Fantasy Waiver Wires!

Today we’ll highlight the best players on the Giants’ roster and which teams we think should rescue them. So grab your credit cards and leave your better judgement behind as we go on a Giant shopping spree!

Saquon Barkley

Let’s start with the most obvious. Saquon is far and away the Giants’ best player. And in a market in which no team (including the Giants) wants to pay Running Backs, it has to be beyond tantalizing for teams to pick up a rental with the pedigree of Saquon Barkley for a potential championship run. Just imagine if Hailee Steinfeld wanted to give you the night of your life, buy you breakfast the next morning, and wish you a nice life. Yeah, that’s what every GM in the league is picturing when imagining a Barkley acquisition.

So what teams should be in the mix for Barkley’s services?

Buffalo Bills:

Having just throttled the Dolphins, the Bills look every bit the Super Bowl contender Vegas penned them as last year. But what happened last year? They came screaming out the gate only to lose momentum and put entirely too much on their superhuman QB’s shoulders late in the year.

So what better way to avoid that same fate than with the injection of a dynamic rushing threat with legitimate pass catching ability a la Christian McCaffrey for the 49ers? Even when the coverage is too tight to throw downfield to Diggs, Davis, Knox, or Kincaid, with Barkley in tow, Defenses will have to account for more than just Allen gashing them underneath. Sure they have other backs, but with all due respect, none of them are Saquon Barkley.

Kansas City Chiefs:

Do the Chiefs need Barkley? Lol no not at all. They just won the Super Bowl after everyone wrote them off in light of the Tyreek Hill trade. But that being said, they lost their home opener largely due to not having a credible threat outside of Travis Kelce who wasn’t available.

Mahomes is used to making due with subpar Receivers so why not lean into it and be a run first team? Defenses having to deal with fresh legs from Barkley and Pacheco while worrying about whatever dark magic Mahomes is concocting that week would have them all doing ayahuasca by the end of the day to cope with the PTSD.

Baltimore Ravens:

Is there an Offense in the league more fitting for Saquon Barkley than the Baltimore Ravens? Having lost J.K. Dobbins for the year (again) and dealing with a rash of injuries (again), Barkley would immediately reignite Baltimore’s backfield. Seeing Lamar standing next to Saquon would make most defenses stroke out immediately while opening up the passing game even more for Baltimore’s new look receiving corps.

In an age where blockbuster trades are commonplace and teams are pushing their chips to the middle of the table, why not add one of the best Running Backs in the league to the league’s top ranked Red Zone Offense? While the league will hate it, OBJ and Ravens’ fans alike will be thrilled with the reunion.

Darren Waller

Elite options at Tight End are few and far between. And while Waller has struggled to stay healthy and make an impact in Big Blue (who hasn’t) he was a revelation for the Raiders and is a Red Zone nightmare.

But 4 weeks in, it’s very apparent that Waller is wasting away in the Big Apple while royally pissing off his Fantasy Football managers. So what teams would benefit from a big ass physical mother fucker when the field shrinks? Well frankly all of them, but these ones more than others.

Jacksonville Jaguars:

Trevor Lawrence was viewed as generational when he came out of college. And while the Urban Meyer saga is most definitely still the primary topic of his therapy sessions, his growth in his sophomore season led many to believe he was due for a breakout year especially with the addition of former 2nd Team All-Pro and Gambling Addict Calvin Ridley. Well a month into the 2023 season, Lawrence’s offense ranks 26th in Red Zone Efficiency.

While this isn’t all Lawrence’s fault and the offense as a whole is struggling to execute in key moments, adding a weapon like Darren Waller will give Defenses so much more to account for while pulling coverage away from the rest of his weapons. Plus, it’s evident Lawrence loves throwing to his Tight Ends with Evan Engram netting the second most targets on the team (29) so far this season. The Jags already resurrected one Giants’ Tight End, who’s to say that can’t do the same for Waller?

Kansas City Chiefs:

We know, we’re sick of seeing them too. But let’s be honest, two Tight End sets with Kelce and Waller would be devastating for opposing Defenses and who better to get the absolute most out of Waller than Mahomes and Andy Reid. The Chiefs are currently the definition of mid in the Red Zone (16th) and their pass catchers have had more dropped balls than a middle school locker room. Waller would force Defenses to focus on someone other than Kelce and open up even more fuckery for the league’s most diabolical duo.

Houston Texans:

That’s right, 4 weeks in, the 2023 Houston Texans are a team that should bolster its talent right now! CJ Stroud has been a revelation and is a breath of fresh air for the team that harbored, paid, and protected a rapist. Less than a quarter into his rookie season, Stroud is already throwing for over 300 yards/game, has yet to throw an interception, and is on pace to shatter Andrew Luck’s rookie passing record.

Whether that is sustainable or not remains to be seen, but the early returns could not be more encouraging for Houston and they should be all-in on helping accelerate this kid’s development. They’re also 31st in Red Zone efficiency yet sitting at 2-2 along with the rest of the AFC South. With a playoff berth in Head Coach Demeco Ryan’s first year well within reach, it seems criminal not to address one of their fundamental flaws and go on an inspired run to set the tone for the new regime.

New Orleans Saints:

Derek Carr was brought in to fix the Saints’ dog shit Offense. Well he currently holds a 45.2 QBR (24th in the league) and New Orleans is dead last in Red Zone Efficiency. But hey change can be hard sometimes and Carr was clearly playing hurt last weekend. So why not make the transition to the Big Easy, well….easy!

Waller played his best football with Carr as his Quarterback and adding a familiar face who understands Carr’s tendencies to an Offense already featuring Chris Olave, Michael Thomas, and their dipshit, yet dynamic Running Back, Alvin Kamara would certainly boost those Red Zone numbers. The NFC South is a three horse race and the Saints could use a little giddy up.

Think we missed someone? Feel free to throw out your suggestions in the comments of who else should get the fuck out of New York before their career dies!