#this is barely coherent

[erinravenseeker]

Just had a middle-of-the-night “ohhhh” moment as I just figured out that Kim Dokja needs the Fourth Wall not because of the scenarios but because it was essentially his survival mechanism for life.

Now I have only read the novel once so I could totally be forgetting stuff & way off-base but this is what I remember. Inane rambling under the cut, major spoilers included.

We know he’s generally antisocial, placing himself outside of society like a reader, and he internally smoothed over Sangah’s rough points even before the scenarios, making her into a ‘character’ (a caricature of herself) that fit into an archetype.

Dissociating from reality & viewing himself as a reader is his coping mechanism & “WoS coming to life” provides a convenient excuse to keep ignoring that fact.

This kind of ties in with an idea I’ve been forming about the Fourth Wall, which is that KDJ is fundamentally incapable of believing that “The Characters” (read: everyone) can experience growth as a result of his actions. He exists outside of the story, he is in the audience beyond the fourth wall, so he cannot affect the characters.

Hence the paradoxical nature of the Fourth Wall. For as long as he is a Reader, the Fourth Wall is maintained. And as long as the Fourth Wall is maintained, he will continue to be a Reader.

(Warning this is where it gets incoherent and messy.)

Kim Dokja fundamentally NEEDS the Fourth Wall to be maintained. Not just because of the OD stuff, but because it’s the way he’s learnt to cope with existing. It’s also why dying is so easy for him—we know he cannot deal with the guilt of making people he cares about suffer, but if he’s just a Reader, that means he can’t really have any meaningful impact on their lives, so it’s fine for him to just… disappear.

Kim Dokja is not actively suicidal, he’s just invested himself so far into the worldview of himself being a Reader that to him, his temporary deaths no longer register as dying. More like… stepping out of the theatre for a bit.

It gets complicated when we hit OD. Because then we realise the KDJ we’ve been accompanying is essentially a self-insert OC. So we can ascribe the way he thinks to OD, including all the coping mechanisms and self-distancing. But where OD manages to escape the narrative along with SP, at the same time the KimCom Crew escape the narrative, KDJ actually kind of… doubles down?

Like, OD does what any Reader does and learns from the book. When KDJ says “I, someone of no redeeming quality, could be loved by the others.” It’s not just him learning this lesson. It’s actually kind of the opposite. OD is Reading this lesson so he learns that he’s allowed to accept the mercy of SP & the 999 crew. So they escape the narrative.

KimCom also manages to escape the narrative but KDJ… can’t. He comes to the conclusion that he was actually backstage all along. But that means he’s still not ON stage. A Character can’t feel for the Script Writer or Director or Stage Manager. So he doubles down on his separation from them, stepping into that role. And then then KimCom comes banging on his door backstage because they’re not just characters, they’re the Actors now, and KDJ disappears because he can’t deal with that, because he fundamentally cannot exist on the same plane as them.

I think that’s why I’m hopeful at a post-epilogue ending. KDJ The Reader exists at essentially a higher tier than the people around him, and so he believes he cannot be loved in a way that has a lasting impact on them. But he DID spend years being affected by WoS, by Yoo Joonghyuk. If he becomes the Character, and them the Readers… maybe, just maybe, he can actually accept that love.

[gregorygerwitz]

no it’s about how both Eddie and Tommy say “Evan”

like Eddie saves it for very specific situations. but Tommy was calling him Evan all episode. it’s about the intimacy of his given name instead of a nickname. Tommy was flirting with him The Entire Time and I’m gonna think about it for weeks

[impzone]

semi-related ramblings about how i feel about making art recently.

i think at this point i need to start telling my stories in whatever skill level i have now. idk it doesn't seem worth it to wait, it doesn't seem worth it to make something good if it means waiting, and especially when it feels like every step i take forward makes my art worse in some way. there's still a lot of waiting to come, especially now that my schedule is busier and ive been feeling even more dried up when it comes to making any big illustrations. i'm kinda questioning if it's even worth it to make big illustrations anymore. i feel so much more alone in my love for these things i may as well just push out whatever if it means getting it out of my head and onto the page, even if it's not in its most pristine form. all the characters i fixate on seem like my least popular ones. it feels like i'm alone in my enjoyment of the things i love, so i need to go on my own if it means going forward, right? i think i owe it to them.

[catboyhawk]

something something everyone refers to Hawkeye like thats his Actual Name but. something about his real name being Benjamin. its such a vulnerable name its almost youthful. hes not ben anymore, he has to be the Hero. sometimes you still see Benjy crack through

[zylian]

The implications that Pangi being so confused and asking Red what he possibly could have done for Subz to constantly be backstabbing him for is ever so possible

Like this thought is running through my head

Subz on day 1 helped Rek with his plans to kill Pangi

Subz gave god apples to Pangi (you don’t just do that with anyone)

Subz helped Parrot multiple times with his plan to kill Pangi

Subz joined Leviathan’s side in the fight for the crown

It’s so sad from Pangis perspective that someone he wanted to trust from the beginning has been cutting him down just as easily since the start.

Subz never directly hurt Pangi until that crown fight and I swear it makes so much sense why Red cared so much more that he had to fight Subz in that fight over anyone else.

Subz, Pangi & Red are so tragic.

Red who’s completely loyal to Pangi not going after Subz, Pangi unable to understand why Subz did what he did but choosing to leave it alone and Subz not caring but when asked he does it anyway.

Subz betrayal was slow and built up so much that even after all of it when eclipse temporarily teamed with the Shades, they never acted as close as before.

Yah Woogie was tied into it as Pangis right man, he was also very against Subz but it never escalated. The thing is Red never wanted to hurt Subz, despite being loyal to Pangi.

Those 3 are so level headed that even if they try to ignore it the actions never stop.

I swear it can be comparable to a brutal betrayal, it’s constantly been built up and left them hurting every time the other is involved specifically.

[you-have-been-frizzled]

ok at least the spots hatered of Miles made sense, in superhero worlds. that’s a completely normal thing for supervillains to do, but miguel was just

“i hate you because you are me but better, it doesn’t matter you are a literal child”

which means he’s the worse villain here

[borrelia]

weedspeak vv

lalala rotating little guys in my head. fleet is very self-conscious about self-medicating and when sonic finds out its like oh boy! sonic on sonic violence X2!!! like sonics a very Go For A Natural High kid so. thats also fleet. so hes got some internalized guilt about needing to do this and ALSO this fucking jackass OTHER HIM who DOESNT understand why he would do drugs when he can Just Say No is going to denigrate him over the SAME THING!!

they'll settle down later but the theme of the two of them interacting in my head is that sonic makes fleet miserable when fleets already trying So Hard to just Be Okay.

[emotinalsupportturtle]

Sometimes fucking off during your break, walking around a mall alone and getting a coffee can be more healing than you would imagine

[t4ct1c4l-d1ld0]

Oh god that post is going around huh listen I don't know who he follows on that account but also he does NOT need to know that I'm alrrady this bad sooo maybe save the reblogging until hes not actively online thsnks

[mossy-aro]

sometimes finding aromanticism in media isn’t literally about aromanticism… sometimes it’s about the deconstruction of love as a concept and the subversion of its perception as inherently humanising. it’s about the decentering of romance as a driving force in the narrative. and also sometimes it’s about love being central to the narrative but in a way that defies all traditional categorisations of romantic / platonic / anything else. it is the secret third thing yet so much more and less at once. the point is aromanticism is everywhere for those with eyes to see

[mischievous-thunder]

It's a special skill set, Logan. Wade wants you to make good use of it over and over again!

[yuureimajo]

whenever i see those posts about how being a woman in your 20s is like living in a haunted amusement park or something (which is true) but then finish with some comment to the effect of turning 30 and that being the end of it, i'm always so torn between wanting to warn them that being a woman in your 30s is just a new kind of horror house that you have to learn new rules for whilst navigating the societal view that you are now an ancient crone who ought not to dare have interests outside of childrearing and doing chores and taxes, and not wanting to destroy their hopes of reaching a point in the wonderful nightmare that is being a woman at which you'll suddenly wake up and have it all under control (this post is not for terfs btw, you lot can go choke and die)

[bacchuschucklefuck]

doing chibi is a good design exercise bc it forces u to think on shapes n essential details, essentially thumbnailing ur designs. its also a terrible design exercise bc it ends up looking cute no matter what

[purplepuggy]

phil talking about how there was a lot of objectifying fanart and death threats, and how people tweeted at martyn about phil saying he was bisexual on myspace when he wasnt even out ot everyone yet

dan says it was basically because they benefitted from being some of the first people to be internet celebrities, but they also had to test run all the bad stuff

[astrothii]

something about the parallels between andromache weaving a tapestry when she learns her husband isn’t coming home vs. penelope weaving one waiting for hers to do the same. idk.

[cliophilyra]

Honey, I’m Home

“Hey honey I’m home,” Buck murmurs to himself, half-falling through the door into the dark entrance hall of Tommy’s house. The whole day has been a seemingly endless stream of small, silly calls, each bell draining him further and further, leaving him a shell of the man he was when he left that morning.

It had been a great morning too. Two orgasms before he’d even had his coffee had seemed like a pretty promising start to the day and then he’d spent most of his shift on a constant simmer, half hard in his turnouts because his boyfriend, who was having the opposite sort of day at work, decided it would be a good idea to send him shirtless selfies taken in the Harbor locker room that would have been rejected from the firefighter calendar for being too pornographic.

The whole day there was nothing in his head but the need to get back home, drop to his knees and let Tommy fuck his mouth until he comes down his throat. But with every alarm his energy had drained and drained and now here he is, a mere 18 hours later, all alone in an empty house, feeling dead on his feet and Tommy is still on shift for another four hours. He lets out a deep sigh and drops his bag, trudging up the stairs with leaden feet.

After the quickest possible shower he wraps a towel around his waist and heads to the bedroom. As he approaches he notices to his surprise that there’s a dim light coming from under the door. He pushes it open, thinking Tommy must have left a lamp on, only to be greeted by the most wonderful sight he has ever seen. Tommy is in bed - their bed - wearing nothing but grey sweatpants and his reading glasses. He looks up from his book and smiles. “Surprise,” he says. “Lucy came in early and took pity on me. Apparently I was “annoying”, which I would dispute but I didn’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth. So I got out early.”

Buck just stands there and takes him in. His hair is all soft, messy curls, sticking up at random and his glasses make his beautiful eyes seem even more impossibly blue than usual. His chest is just so huge. Buck finds himself transfixed by his pecs again, mouth filling with saliva. They’re just so big and strong and so, so…inviting. Buck doesn’t have any coherent words left in his head so he just crawls onto the bed and faceplants into Tommy’s chest, pressing his face into the soft warmth of his pecs with a long, drawn out sigh of contentment.

Tommy lets out a sound somewhere between a grunt of surprise and a laugh as he effortlessly takes his weight, wrapping his arms around him and carding his fingers softly through Buck’s damp hair, kissing the top of his head.

Buck takes a deep breath, letting the warm, subtly spicy smell of Tommy’s soap and the soft musk of his skin become his whole awareness. He feels the tension begin to drain away immediately, his muscles heavy and lax, the scratch of Tommy’s nails against his scalp sending tiny shivers down his spine as he rubs his face into his chest, Tommy’s soft chest hair tickling his nose.

“Hard day?” Tommy asks, sounding amused.

Buck just hums in agreement, pressing his lips to Tommy’s chest.

“I probably shouldn’t have sent you those pictures at work,” Tommy laughs quietly.

Buck makes a sharp noise of protest because he absolutely cannot agree with that, although he may not be at his most coherent right now. The scent of Tommy’s skin is making his mouth water and his dick twitch in a frankly heroic effort. He bites down lightly on Tommy’s pec and smirks when he hisses.

“Baby,” he says, mumbling the words into his chest. “I—I—I am…so fucking tired right now,” he sighs in frustration. “But when I wake up I am going to suck your brain out through your cock and then I am going to fuck you til you forget your own name,” he says with absolute assurance.

He feels Tommy’s throat move as he swallows hard and smiles as his big hands slide down Buck’s back to squeeze his ass.

“Well if you insist.”

“I absolutely do,” Buck says, his voice already thick and slow.

Tommy kisses his head again and curls his leg around Buck’s. Buck is asleep between one breath and the next.