#this is also the reason i am so fucking obsessed with we don’t take hits we write them

[meat-wentz]

down bad so i need to know everyone’s favorite patrick vocal deliveries, like yeah yeah, favorite lyrics we all have em, but like what are the lines that when sung by patrick stump just straight up obliterated your entire fucking brain chemistry

[sinnercore]

Boyfriend Sampo headcanons please!

ᓚᘏᗢ author note : omg you know for a fact I’m gonna do this without hesitation!!! he’s my boyf irl 🤭 hope this was okay, I was writing this in between playing games and didn’t bother proofreading ;-; but thank u for requesting especially for Honkai <33

ᓚᘏᗢ content warnings : fem!reader implied, cunnilingus, mentions of cum, breeding, slight dubcon if you squint, NOT PROOFREAD

ᓚᘏᗢ SAFE FOR WORK :

he’s completely and utterly OBSESSED with you, he’s the type of guy to be showing you off to everyone he knows !! using his phone during a random business ‘meeting’? “hey, isn’t my soulmate amazing? look, look at the picture! aren’t we cute?”

he’s that type of partner to buy everything you touch ! you ever mention something off-handed? he’s gonna be searching for it on his phone that night and buying it w/ next-day delivery — he’s basically gonna be ur sugar daddy the entire time and even when you don’t want him to buy you something he’s gonna anyway because that’s one way he shows his love <33

ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS holds ur hand !! or has his arm around you, he wants everyone to know that your his and he absolutely needs to be touching you like 100% of the time, he’s so touch-starved :(( such a clingy baby omg

sampo always takes you on dates ! he always wants to treat you, always telling you “well what else am I gonna spend my money on?” obviously he’s lying but loves to say that you’re the only reason he makes money, because he wants to shower you with treats and goodies

HE’S A SNUGGLE BUG !!! lazy days are his absolute favourite, never lets you leave the bed and if you try he’ll pout and hit you with the “why do you hate me so much?” — also, he’s not afraid to admit that he LOVES being the little spoon, ofc he’ll be thing big spoon but he wants to be cuddled every now and again, too

ᓚᘏᗢ NOT SAFE FOR WORK :

this man has the BIGGEST size kink (pun intended), he goes out of his way to always make himself bigger than you!! doesn’t matter if it’s pinning you down to the bed or against a wall, just know he wants to completely overtake you in every way possible

pussy eating god !!! ain’t nothing he loves more than having his head between ur legs, overstimulating you till you’ve got tears in your eyes and you’re trying to push his head away. obviously he doesn’t let you do that bc he can’t get enough of you <33 ALSO WHEN HE SAYS SIT ON HIS FACE HE MEANS SIT ON HIM FULLY !!!! he ain’t believe in the hover tactic, he wants you to smother him !! he’ll breathe through his ears if he needs to, just sit on this man’s face and he’ll fall in love w you on the spot

has an absolutely huge cock and loves watching you struggle to take all of him <33 but he will spend hours on foreplay if he needs to, just to prepare your tight little hole to take him + it means more fun for him. If he’s ever away on business he tells you to keep ur cunt trained and use toys ( and ofc send him pics ;) )

doesn’t believe in masturbating because he thinks that his cum shouldn’t be wasted, it’s either gotta be on you or in you, or both !! absolute biggest breeding kink, doesn’t matter where he cums, he just needs it to fill you

is 100% the type of man that whimpers, moans, and cusses under his breath while fucking you — he doesn’t try to hide it at all !!! the more sound the better in his opinion, that includes all the sounds you make — he’s just a vocal king

[darth-noona]

episode 8 spoilers below the cuff cuz i’m going insane

Okay okay okay. First off the slow kyber crystal bleed of Sol’s lightsaber after Osha kills him? A stuff of Star Wars dream baby. Beautifully executed. Insane brain Lesley Headland to break the saber so that Osha’s hand was touching it when she succumbed to her emotions. You can honestly tell this woman loves this franchise so much.

Am I sad Sol died? Yes absolutely. Do I believe there is a chance he might be still alive? Yes, but I’m delulu and I love Lee Jung Jae so we move on. But if he is actually dead, what a cool arc. Like he died at the hands of the padawan he lied to and was toxically obsessed with. This really is the story of the Sith, not some redemption of the Jedi. And I fucking love it.

Okay now to the good stuff. All the Oshamir. So yeah I think some of this makes sense that it was originally planned for Season 2. I think it would have all hit harder if we’d had a whole season of them first. BUT I also think it was the right move with their episode lengths and Disney’s tendency to cancel shows. Cuz like Manny Jacinto’s arms will renew this season. They just will. Like Leslye understood the assignment when she said she rewrote the whole season after seeing Manny’s screen test.

But even though I would have liked more time with the ship to build them up to this point, man did they convince me that these are star crossed dyad evil partners in crime. Like Osha’s betrayal feels so tangible with Sol’s lies, I totally understand why she’d dark side over this.

And if we remember that Osha and Mae are two halves of one person, I like the idea that they have very opposite personalities. Mae just wants a family and was pursuing revenge only because there was no other option. Now that she has an option, she’s like “nah I’m out, I don’t want to anymore let’s actually find a way to solve this that lets me keep my sister and have a family again”.

Whereas Osha has been lied to for a decade. Manipulated to think that her sister killed her whole family, all for the “greater good” and Sol’s saviour complex stuff. So it stands to reason that she feels no hope for regaining some family or trust in the Jedi. And the only thing she can do? Save her sister from Qimir and take her place, while also exploring the Force in a way no one let her do before. And I love it.

Last thoughts: seeing new sides of Qimir is so fun. How petrified he was when she had the helmet on. How scared he looked of Venestra. The little look he made when he found out Osha and Mae are the same person. I can’t wait to see Manny absolutely smash a season 2 arc.

Renew the Acolyte! Please please please!

[blacksupremacy86]

The Hypno Bachelor

Welcome to the bachelor! This is new dating show for a Hypnotist not traditionally what is demanded for but he is for this guys who are competing to be his Hypnotic subject for a year long battle.

I walk in to a spare room to find this hottie Luke Macfarlane laying on the bed with thus sexy smile on his face as I enter taking him in l while shutting the door behind me and flicking a switch. Suddenly! The ceiling wall slides open allowing a silver disco ball that is blowing up in a multitudes of color is hot burning up in to the area shooting laser left right and center. Two aim straight for both of his eyes hitting him dead on as he goes totally slack and his body falling in to a lack of function as he stares at me mindlessly ready to be reprogrammed for more then just fun.

���Oh! There you are Lawrence! I love nerdy types please don’t keep me waiting like this anymore and can we just get to the action please you are driving me craziness with all of this nerdiness.” He says to me when I am approaching him but ignore him instead as I bend over and pick up a remote control on the night table then point it at him as I click it and he freezes. “Sorry Henry boi! I do not need any of your lip at this momentous level of occasion because I am your new Master now, but simply to state I am about to truly rock your world and I crawl over the bed till I am on top of him and undoing his clothes also his lips with my lips.

“I am too tough for this Hypno shit.”

“You think so? Why are your buttons undone”

“Fuck! How did…”

“Sleep! “

“You ba-st-at-d”

“Mwahahahahaha “

“Release the strings”

“I transformed you earlier “

“You are a puppet”

“Push your shirt to the side “

“Feel yourself up”

“Take a dive “

“Don’t be afraid “

“Real good”

“Get in to the crevice “

“Why don’t shift your jeans “

“Feel your lower level “

“Your horny “

“Oh Lawrence!”

“Get off the couch

“Did you like the lollipop ?”

“It’s addictive “

“It’s my original flavor “

“How did you make it ?”

“Laced it with blood and pee?”

“What the fuck?”

“It’s mine”

“Why on earth?”

“You drank that up “

“Obsessed over it”

“Oh my God”

“My new favorite flavor “

“I know “

“Suck another “

“You are fucked up”

“Nah! I am going to the dark side”

“ Oh Master Lawrence! I’v been wearing this in hope you show off, my best shorts are so hot me. Don’t you think so! I do think you are cute in everything, please don’t be shy or bashful because no one can or would ever doubt you.” Andrew is all a glow smirks so brightly as he blows me a string of very powerful kisses, a warm embrace hugging me tightly in every way and I can feel my hand on every crevice. He digs his hands ma under my shirt lifting it over my head as he presses his lips on to my skin raging hot under my skin and he revels in the lust and the unburdening of his soul as he fell in to deep submission.

“I spotted you the moment you rocked up in to the villa Jamie since you have for some odd reason caught my attention off the foreseeable future and I want to ravish you right now. Stand up to attention look right ahead at the wall, remove your shirt, pants, and underwear let it drop to the floor and sit on the bed awaiting me for the longterm.” I tell Jamie he is a good lay while walking closer to his knees pat them and he wraps his arms on me and mine on his waist he smells my scent and it drives him wild so much he could jolt up the walls.

Golden boi! “

“Yes Sir!”

“Rise up “

“SNAP”

“POP”

“Mwahahahahaha “

“Strip”

“Leave your pants”

“Shake your booty”

“Do a dance?”

“Who is your God?”

“You are sir”

“Kneel”

“Crawl over here”

“Kiss my boots”

“What are you ?”

“A pussy “

“Who are you?”

“Your golden boy”

“GOOD BOY “

“YOU!”

“The show “

“Are you ready?”

“Lights”

“Camera “

“Action”

“Woooohhhh”

“Oooohhhh yyyeeeaaahhh!”

“Check this pussy out”

“Your fast”

“I know what I want “

“‘My fist in your ass”

“Mmmmm”

“That would be heaven”

“I am yours”

“Kneel”

“Suck me off “

“Good boi “

“The most marvelous taste in the world “

“It is fabulous “

The end

[jasontoddiefor]

Heyyyyy roses & champagne anon here! First your answer made me feral with all the juicy brain gremlins it spawned and then you wrote that little fic and I now I’m even more insane but like all I can picture is Leewon going “fuck this shit I’m out” at like age 11, running away, accidentally running into Caesar who’s already starting to get the feelings of “hippity hoppity I want you to be my property” weird little friendship starting to form.

And then years later Leewon in full on teenage rebellion bad decision making is like “what if I lost my virginity to this dude I sometimes hang out with that my dad can not stand? Wouldn’t that be fun?” and uh accidentally turns Caesar’s budding obsession with him over the years into full blown levels of “I am planning our wedding, it’s going to be in the summer because you get cold and then you will never ever leave me.” as Leewon is like damn the dirty talk in this fwb relationship hits hard

And then Leewon finally achieves his dream of fucking off back to Korea for college and does that without hesitation and then stays even longer for law school because he likes pretending he’s normal, he likes pretending his life is normal, (he’s a lawyer and his ass is lying, he could never truly be content with normalcy) and he only goes back because he wants to say a proper goodbye, after he graduates from law school

And uh proceeds to cheerfully greet the man whose heart he unintentionally shattered and now haunted like a ghost for seven years like nothing ever happened. Oops?

Also in regards for Vladimir I feel they got a weird resentment codependency going on there but also I can’t help but feel in a world that they grew up together they’d kind of be bickering gossiping friends at their core so it’s like “I hate the roles we have been forced into because one another, sometimes I think I even hate you, but you’re are still a core of my world and I don’t know how to exist without you because of this, anyway you will not believe with this one lady did at a party-“ kind of vibe going on. He’s pissed and hurt and resentful when Leewon goes back to Korea and he spends years soothing his and everyone else’s hurt and Leewon comes back and he’s angry for like 5 minutes before breaking and filling him on the latest gossip. Because I think they deserve to have a messy, complicated relationship that’s also overrun by the need to be a bitch and discuss drama because there is literally no other option in the mafia compound.

If you’ve got any more thoughts on this au I would love to hear them so badly!!

Anon you’re back!!!

Aaah thank you so much for your long ask, this absolutely made my evening (literally, I’m stuck in bed bc my back is killing me and am using my bluetooth keyboard to write this reply lying down hahaha)

Let’s start on the family side: time to reveal the fact that this AU also exists to like at least 30% because I wanted younger sibling Vladimir takes. That man already behaves like a spoiled younger brother in canon, he’d be terrible here. I do think their dynamic would be exactly as you said. Vladimir gets adopted to be Leewon’s companion, his right hand, raised to be loyal and trustworthy - his one and only friend after nearly a year of living in Russia. It fucks up their dynamic because they’re raised with clear expectations but at the same tie, the only way Leewon treats him is as a younger brother? Because that is the notion that makes the most sense to him at that age. When he realizes what Vladimir’s purpose is, he very much resents it? They have a bit of a falling out because to Vladimir, his older brother suddenly started distancing himself with no explanation as to why. And like, when he realizes the reason, he doesn’t really think it’s bad because he owns the Lomonosov his life anyway? Of course he’d die for his older brother. He loves him and that’s his job.

Anyway. Vladimir thinks Dimitri ain’t shit. He would never treat his boss like that and scheme. He’s built different (loyal like a most beloved dog). Leewon staying in Korea for his studies kind of helps Vladimir gain some perspective and insight into everything because nothing makes you reflect more than your codependent better half not being within reaching distance. But at the end of the day, he still doesn’t entirely mind. He stops pushing the boundary when Leewon enforces it (opposed to his behavior as a kid) but that’s about it. They are two very gossipy siblings.

To Leewon’s life!!! Anon I am !!! At how your ideas match mine. For the simpler things - Leewon absolutely puts his foot down about studying in Korea. It’s probably the biggest fight he and Mikhail ever have. I’m thinking maybe to the point it’s the first and only time Mikhail genuinely hurts Leewon in his anger? Like, Leewon has been hit before by his father, during training, but only seldom bc Mikhail frankly speaking has Issues and was not cut out for teaching his son violence himself. But yeah, they fight, there’s injury, and hmm. Not entirely sure if Leewon just stays in his room or moves to another property in the city until his flight to Korea, with Vladimir acting as an unwilling go between father and son because he ALSO thinks this is a shit idea, but if he says so then Leewon won’t talk to him anymore either (and then he wouldn’t talk to anyone, and it’s Vladimir’s job to advise his brother, but he’s supposed to be on his side even more.)

Anyway, Leewon leaves to study and I imagine he only comes home during the holidays which are incredibly tense the first year, but get better after. I don’t think Leewon quite has the concept of I could leave this life. He’s angry and frustrated, but not to the point where he can picture a life where he’s not the family heir? I think he mostly wants to run this business differently and that most of his frustration comes from his father raising him as this sheltered princess in the tower. His best friend is his little brother who his father adopted so he would have someone to talk to. That’s deeply fucked up, especially because he spent his first nine years just attending normal school and playing with the neighborhood kids. Even more, with his mother sick and dying early, Leewon at nine is fairly used to doing things independently, and now suddenly needing an adult to go with him everywhere, if he’s allowed out of the house at all, is horrible.

Now on to our hot mess, the red flag fuck himself.

I was also 200% thinking “oh yeah they absolutely fucked when Leewon was like 15”. To Caesar this is absolutely a game at that point, some matter of pride to get the enemy’s heir in his bed (or just. Beneath him. Imma be honest, I think Leewon ran away, got drunk at a bar and they fucked in a bathroom stall under dubious consent). Drunk teenagers with too much power and too many daddy issues. Leewon got “I’m doing sth that isn’t safe my father would freak about this” out of it.

Anyway, I do think Caesar would be amused at first, and then grow into his - as you put it so aptly it made me wheeze - “hippity hoppity I want you to be my property”. The 11 year old mouthing off against his kidnappers with little strength to back it up was entertaining (Caesar was honestly just there because it seemed easier to just let himself be taken to get to the guy whose head he needs to bash in than wait around) especially because he didn’t hold back. And then it’s a game, deflowering him, taking more and more pieces, not quite like collecting fountain pens or art, more the desire to consume entirely. Till death does them part, yes? Predictably, does not react well to Leewon’s “wow why is my bad decisions fuckbuddy so intense about me?” Behavior and being left out of Leewon’s plans.

My guy has just been assuming that them being fwb means they won’t try to constantly kill each other when they’re All Grown Up and in charge of their father’s businesses. I think this Leewon would very much enjoy the illusion of normalcy, matching Caesar’s freak in the way he reacts when it is interrupted. But I think that also means he’s rather peculiar about upholding the status quo to a degree.

Meanwhile Dimitri has been under the assumption Caesar has been running a long con trying to gobble up Lomonosov via making its heir his boytoy.

Well this got long but I hope you enjoyed my thoughts!!! Feel free to dm me any time, I’d love to hear more of your ideas!

[8beats-per-minute]

‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️MUTANT MAYHEM SPOILERSS ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVENT SEEN IT AND DONT WANT SPOILERS

Okay now with that out of the way, my thoughts on the movie

I really enjoyed it.

I went to see it with a few friends and one of them made a really good point. They actually act like teenagers. Like yes, it was kinda cringey at some parts but that’s because it sounded like something a teenager would say because teenagers are awkward.

I’ve had very stupid conversations with my friends that sound like the conversations in the movie.

I noticed that this movie did the “teen talk” a lot better than I’m pretty sure all other versions of tmnt (in my opinion), even better than rise I think. Most others sound like adults writing teenagers and it sounds good most of the time but others it sounds weird.

Now for the main reason I made this post: April and Leo.

I was kind of dreading this when I saw in the trailers Leo would be interested in her (2012 April and Donnie flashbacks) but it was well done. I am a bit tired of April being a love interest for the turtles but I think it’s important to include that April is black, plus size and has acne and how Leo described her as “the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen”. Unfortunately the qualities she has aren’t shown very often to be attractive because of bs beauty standards.

It’s late so I can’t fully explain what I’m trying to say so disclaimer in case I didn’t come across this way: I don’t think that being black, plus size or having acne makes you not pretty, you are, just society sometimes says that and society is stupid.

April and Leo are cute together and written well and there is no “one of them is obsessed and the other is leading them on” going on. The fact that they end the movie looking into TCRI is adorable to me. My fav investigator duo.

Also Leo is an absolute dork. The whole phone call scene: “it’s a date then!” “Wait what a date?” “Uhhh *cue fumbling and wrestling for the phone* uhh nothing bad service byeee! Who’s got no rizz now?” Like Leo you are bad at this oh my god. (Again awkward teenager stuff)

And his bothers teasing him was so funny. They did not let that slide and teased him at every opportunity. Classic sibling behaviour

The tease for shredder was fun and I can’t wait to see what they do with him and his backstory.

Best Splinter. I love him so much. I love his whole “hating humans” arc and how he paralleled superfly and how he CHOSE to not be like him.

Both superfly and splinter have a very understandable fear (that turned into hate) of humans and how they both thought that the best way to protect their families were to hold their family too tight.

While splinter hid from the world and his fear pushed him into hiding and laying low, superfly’s fear caused him to lash out and take out his anger in a destructive way.

But splinter getting a girlfriend at the end was so cute he deserves this.

Also side note: why did so many turtles almost get hit by cars in this movie? Specifically Mikey.

He almost got hit in the flashback, then in the garage, then in the final battle with the flying cars. Then Donnie also almost got hit, I think just before they were captured but I’m not sure.

When they had to leave the movie and walked home really sadly and kept looking at the humans longingly I legit almost cried.

I was kind of surprised they ended up actually going to school and everyone was accepting. I thought they’d be like “we don’t need humans to accept us cause we accept ourselves” but I’m glad they got to go to school. They deserve it.

Also April being super upfront with them about if they didn’t save her she’d probably be running screaming was so funny. Also how she was planning to release a story about them while knowing humans probably wouldn’t accept them was a very realistic thing.

I loved April so much by the way. The way she fucking chucked the news mic into the crowd was iconic.

The fight scenes were SOOOO AMAZING I LOVED THEM SO MUCH. The splitting between the 4 (I think) fights at the same time and every other fight scene were so well done. Them figuring out that they skills they learned for years actually work in a fight and how they’re awesome at it was adorable to watch. And the way in the beginning how they were using their skills to steal get groceries was great.

All the turtles up from every version are good fighters (in their own ways) but these versions are definitely up there with how skilled and how well they work as a team. Love them.

AND THE TURTLES SHARING A ROOM AND BUNK BEDS WAS ADORABLE. It’s so funny cause later they were like “yea we have so much space to hold the 6 or 7 other mutants in our house on short notice we have lots of space!” Which means they chose to share a room with is adorable and a little bit unrealistic lol.

It seemed like a pretty realistic movie and I have bullet points of the least realistic parts (excluding the mutant animals cause duh). And this is just me being picky lol, I still loved this movie and these are just jokes.

The fact that they wrote nice things on aprils locker at the end of the movie

(Pointed out by my friend). She went from being puke girl to April O’hero. They would probably stop teasing her since she was friends with the most popular kids in the city but the 2 most likely outcomes would be

1. They just stopped and then left the insults on there, maybe scratched them out

2. Wiped off the locker and never spoke of it again

No one writes nice things on other peoples lockers lol

The boys want to share a room

I guarantee if 4 teenage brothers had a choice between sharing bunk beds and each having their own rooms, they’d have their own rooms.

Imagine arguing with your sibling and you don’t have your own room to sulk and avoid them? By choice??? People need their own spaces. No matter how much I love my siblings if I shared a room with them it’d be chaos.

There would be one prank done in that room to one of their beds and that’d be the end of the shared room lol

The fact that everyone unquestionably liked them (especially at school)

Kids are assholes. That’s it.

AGAIN this is just things I thought were unrealistic in a funny way, it’s a kids movie so it’s not that deep.

This was definitely one of my favourite versions of tmnt (I haven’t seen all of them but still). It was a good mix of serious and goofy and I liked it a lot. I recommend seeing it, I want to watch it again lol

[cabeswaterdrowned]

Adam Parrish + 2 😈😈(for the ask game)

How would you rewrite this characters canon arc?

Partially answered with my tag rant on this reblog https://www.tumblr.com/adanseydivorce/751040074340286464?source=share

I don’t really have much I would say about changing his trc arc because I think overall it’s a very good arc one of my favorites. I did reblog a meta post about both trc and tdt and how Adam generally isn’t allowed to *fail* in a sense, when he overworks himself in a variety of ways manually academically magically etc. and that feeding into the weird way he’s a sort of capitalistic success story when you take in all seven books, and I think they’re right and there are places in both trc and tdt where that could be interrogated or altered a bit. But the emotional beats of his arc are well handled imo and I wouldn’t really change them. I would have liked some additional resolutions to some of his relationships in TRK but that has more to do with issues I have with TRK in general and less Adam’s role in it specifically (although I think if I could change one thing there I would have him actually apologize to Blue for some things about how he treated her; but also I partly feel that way more for fandom reasons than in text ones since in text I think their bitchy Ninos argument is a fun resolution. And then the Adansey shovel talk scene is the opposite: I’m not a huge fan of the scene itself as resolution / would prefer Gansey to actually voice his feeling hurt by Adam so it could be unpacked, but fandom was overdramatic and annoying about the scene so that’s pushed me to acceptance.) much more to say about td3 for obvious reasons so moving on:

Basically I like the set up in cdth of him wanting to reinvent himself, of course being who I am I love the fucked up trying to be Gansey 2.0 part of it lol and I don’t think he should have a smooth sailing path to success / suddenly be content at Harvard so him being a bit miserable there and the whole crying club thing made sense. I do think we should have gotten more details about the crying club like I said I think some actual characterization from them could have helped the storyline. But my problems are largely after cdth, how this never really leads to him reckoning with his identity issues the way we need to see on page for this arc to be satisfying (that one pov is good, but it is not nearly enough to carry that to conclusion).

I think I would have written him trying to explicitly reflect or invert his individual relationships with the Gangsey with the Crying Club, maybe he gravitates towards one character who is a mirror (lol) for Blue that could be really fascinating, there could maybe be one character in the group who is a scholarship student and he projects onto them / tries to kind of reverse engineer his dynamic with Gansey with them to work through some things. That’s a way to explore a kind of complicated dichotomy of him feeling victorious he made it out of Henrietta while also missing “the things that were important to him in the past”, it would also effectively mirror some of what Ronan was doing with Bryde and Hennessy since he transposes elements of Niall Adam and imo Gansey onto Bryde + recreates parts of his dynamic with Kavinsky with Hennessy. (I’m torn on whether Ronan should have an explicit mirror in this version of the crying club because on the one hand I feel like the ‘you were the place I stored all that reality’ would hit harder if he’s the one person Adam didn’t try to replace there, on the other hand it could compliment the Bryde plot like I said… (also ik there are a lot of people who don’t like the Bryde plot at all I’m kind of neutral on it tbh I don’t love or hate it but anyway this is not a post about changing Ronan’s arc so writing this assuming that’s p similar to canon and only changes in response to Adam’s). Yes maybe part of this is self indulgent because it plays on some themes it’s well documented on my blog that I’m obsessed with but also this series is literally largely about clones and doubling and this verse has been concerned with identity/mirroring/masking since trc, so I do think it would fit, self indulgent or not! Also getting to see Adam be crazy like this would make him and Ronan ‘forgiving each other’ seem a little less unbalanced at least to me… I still would want like. Actual resolution to the Pynch arc where they talk, break up for at least a week (I would prefer more, but bare minimum that), work through the issues MI poses… particularly I’d want them to have an actual conversation about Ronan’s insecurity about the role Cabeswater played in their getting together and Adam could respond with the fact that Cabeswater is a separate entity from Ronan in the same way Mathew and Bryde are or how Jordan is separate from Hennessy; the deal he made with Cabeswater was of his own volition, is a separate one from their relationship though it may have played a role in it (at least I think this is what we’re supposed to take from that dropped thread?

I just think it’s something that should be discussed). ((I do realize a big part of why Adam’s arc feels off is the audience feedback loop influencing both Maggie’s willingness to write his pov and in how Pynch was ultimately treated, but this is how I think I would want it written)). In terms of the resolution to the Harvard thing it matters less to me if he stays or transfers like I said on that post but I would like a resolution for the crying club either he came clean and was rejected or accepted by them either one would I think be better for that arc than him just ghosting them (at least I think that’s what he did?) And whatever happens with him and the I would want him to actually develop a community outside of the Lynch brothers + The other Gangsey members to some degree, also obviously he is not going to be a cop in this… idk what specific profession I’d want him to have but I would like to think he actually finds something he wants to do / a new goal to be ambitious about rather than just winning at capitalism. Maybe that latter part is wishful thinking… but anyway. Not a cop at the end that’s the number 1 change I would make obviously everything else is of a lower level of importance than that. Pynch can break up then work through their issues and get back together or they can have a proper divorce arc either one works for me but they can not go on Like That… I mean I think Maggie also feels that way but again Audience Feedback Loop (I rbed a really interesting post about how break ups are treated in ya adjacent lit so I do think if nothing else this got me thinking about that on a meta level in a way I didn’t before… still don’t think it was worth it 🫤. Also this is all a word vomit / theoretical, want to remind ya’ll that I first read Greywaren like a month and a half ago, after a reread spiral of the all the other books in the verse (which basically was a first read of td3 since I read cdth and mi for the first time with High Quarantine Brain and remembered basically nothing about them due to that) so maybe some of these thoughts could change … but currently these are my takes xo!

[wqxianvents]

// CONTAINS COMMENTARY AND PICTURES OF TEARS OF THEMIS NEW EVENT: “ENDURING LIGHT.”

This is only the Prologue section I talk about in this one, aha and I ALRWDY HAVE SM TO TALK ABTR

first of all, another group event of course, you love to see it and they’re being dorks but in a cooler way already 💃 also btw happy new year!! hope it’s been treating y’all well already :]<3

okay so i’m going into this event basically being sus of everyone at this point LMAO, i don’t even trust our boys tbh - anything could happen and i’m excited! everytime there’s a big event i always am like “ugh… not another one i have to drain energy into and it isn’t even that interesting” (respectfully). like the last one on the train? i didn’t really care much about it, the only things that interested me were nxx being all up on eachother (exaggerating)

basically i prepare myself to be disappointed, which might sound messed up but tbh the events have only been hittin recently (for me) because of the fact that they’re not having nxx be at eachother’s throats lol. (not saying the past ones weren’t good though and that none of the recent ones were a miss bc again, i didnt fully enjoy the train event)

this one already had me though 😭 got me gagged, the ui is so fucking cool - the card system?? the OUTFITS make me wanna CHOMP my phone (esp luke’s… smth- smth abt it is just. hm, delectable). also baby davis always appearing is so cute his little “hello, miss… uh, i mean, little boss!” LMAO that is my son!!!

ANYGAYS we always have to start off with Marius talking about something going on ‘round town, intended to invite his lovely lady but of course the boys have to interrupt and say hey, where is our invitation??? 🤗 you love to see it

jxjddh “i didn’t ask you guys” LMFAO HE IS SO DONEEE - artem, vyn: “oh really? let me hit you with this comeback. give me my invitation.”, like why are they so angy ARENT YALL RICH? GET YOUR OWN INVITATION 😭😭 i just adore the difference here though like, luke is the one purely excited here and not just “oh, aha, trying to get alone with rosa? how about: no.” but vyn is like 😭 “okay, shit, thanks for the invitation, marius.”

ARTEM MINDING HIS OWN BUSINESS BY HIS COMPUTER AND DECIDING TO INSERT HIMSELF INTO THE CONVERSATIONNN. they’re silly billies.

of course we needed our typical marluke banner 🥺

“Without us, who would you team up with?” did he just call marius friendless or can i also mix that with delulu poly nxx and add a hint of, “bitch who else are you planning to invite? we are RIGHT here” LMFAO

“Luke, are things at work slow lately?” 😭😭😭 i have tears in my eyes u were gonna invite him anyway shut up

i want a group event where the guys don’t butt in just to see if marius invites them anyway HAAHSJS like he just has the stuff ready for the boys just in case they butt in again, but one time they don’t and he’s just confused 😭

kicking my feet, he loves them all dearly. they’re my babies, my lil ol family!!

ANYWAYS… we’re here. Li Hotel 🤨 && again, the wayyy i was entranced with everything omg obsessed obsessed. BY THE WAY i already suspect that the letter-friend is reporter pearce 🤨🤨 don’t ask me for proper reasoning besides the fact that they reveal the letter-friend is a guy LMAO

&& shares the same life goal (wanting to travel around the world) as little boss 😔💜 but who knows…

alright last two things ✨ nxx boys lowkey teasing rosa by being in character HAHAHDJ (NOT ME POSTING THE WEONG PICTURE AND MAKING MYSELF SAD)

same, rosa, same 😭 (and the invitation card?? zoo wee mama- the way that marius was the only one who kept his eyes on rosa thoughhj hejeejnffk GRRR. okay sorry. NAUR and the luke stare 😔 marluke strikes my heart once again!!! WHY IS VYN ALL THE WAY UP THERE BTW)

anyways. last but not least, this isn’t technically apart of the prologue but it’s when Davis takes you on a little tour as always to show you the event and there is one part where you can have discussions with the boys. you click on luke by default but the first conversation option you have, he talks about this:

&& this actually made me tear up pretty bad 😭 then i had a whiplash and went “OHH THE FUCKING CARD” LMFAOO,, LIKE WHY WOULD HYV DO THIS TO ME 😞 i love the parallels luke always has with his au cards though ugh, makes me depressed in the right way(??)

like his birthday card (the name is itching my brain, i can’t remember) and in his bday event there was a mirror and sword (i believe) that appeared 😔 now this… sobbing throwing up, do NOT TOUCH ME

ARE YOU TELLING ME HE ACTUALLY DIES IN THE CARD STOOFPFPFDB??? THAT HE DOESN’T SAY HE LOVES HER? WHAT IS THIS. punching the floor. DO THEY ALL DIE? I THOUGHT ARTEM AT LEAST LIVES…. AM I MIXING UP CARDS…. see what this event is doing to me already 😔

ojay. i’m done here, had to write the thoughts out brrr, imma go finish reading the event now 🌚 toodles (unless u can read the vyn spoiler below)

HUGE CARD SPOILERS BELOW: VYN [MEDIEVAL SUSPENSE]

OHHbajdhd and adding on why I’m not trusting anyone - even our boys - in this event is because this event reminds me too much of a card that Vyn has. A group of folks in this card are acting and Vyn’s character ended up being the killer. I won’t leave my thoughts on the card but this is why I’m sus of everyone 😔

[inkykeiji]

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-4fGPKi34xddcFk3msZFnc_UWYCMndkquW7UkGQE83I/edit

AAAA OKAY SORRY SORRY TRY NOW!!!

-💤

IT WORKS NOW eeeee yay thank you so much!!!!! this made me so emotional (in a good way!)!! i just cannot tell you how honoured i am that you did this for one of my stories like.....i genuinely don’t even have the words to describe how incredible that is and how lucky i am to have you here with me. thank you so much for sharing this with me, i will cherish it so very much ( ˘͈ ᵕ ˘͈♡)

my thoughts on each song beneath the cut!!!

family tree - ethel cain

i totally see what you’re saying here!!! ugh god i love ethel cain so much, her music is just so perfect for so much of my work in terms of vibes and atmosphere yk what i mean??? so i was so glad to see that u included her here!!

demolition lovers - mcr

there’s a dozen reasons in this gun has got to be one of my favourite lyrics ever, wow!!! but also, i loved the whole last minute or so of this song!! i know that’s where the lyrics you selected are from, but i just feel like that entire final verse describes the trajectory of dabi and reader’s relationship??? from their first meeting to that last scene with keigo in the hospital.

i would die for you - in this moment

okay, YES. yes, i completely get what you mean LMAO. just that ravenous, all-consuming, downright obsessive love, us against the world type, those who continuously swallow each other whole just to spit them back out again and repeat the entire process. loved it so much <33 VERY dabi x reader!!!

voodoo doll - the funeral portrait

oof okay this song hit so hard it made me sob. as i’ve said before, tag you’re it is a very personal story to me, having grown up with and lived with (and been parented by) addicts for my entire life. because, honestly, addiction doesn’t just hurt the user, it hurts everyone who cares about the user, too. i’m not gonna go too deep into that but i loved everything you had to say about this song and i agree with you one million percent, you hit the nail right on the head!!!

life vest - the material

okay let me just take a moment to bask in the fact that the motel scenes are your favourite because i worked SO insanely hard on those scenes LMAO <3 two bodies with one beating heart oh i love love love this. but yeah!!! at that moment in the story especially, dabi is her life vest; for the majority of their time there (right up until the end) he discards his manipulation and casts off his selfishness and allows himself to just be with her, to be there for her, for completely selfless reasons, because he truly does love her. it is a crucial point in their relationship!

tears don’t fall - bullet for my valentine

ooooh yes okay!!! one of the lyrics that really stuck out to me in this song is there’s always something different going wrong / the path i walk’s in the wrong direction because it feels very keigo, especially since he was the golden boy who fell from grace, essentially. adding onto your selection of lyrics, the her conscience calls the guilty to come home also kind of reminded me of the guilt reader feels for leaving keigo, and how that guilt kind of repeatedly calls for her to come back to him, sometimes in the form of keigo himself.

everybody sells cocaine - motionless in white

holy fuck i LOVED this song!!! and you’re SO right, btw!!! dabi is constantly tempting keigo, taunting keigo, ‘testing’ keigo in the most twisted, unfair ways ever. i don’t even have anything to add, i just agree with you wholeheartedly.

jupiter - flower face

omg yes this is VERY dabi x reader during their budding relationship in part one especially. also, these silly games we play / stupid ways to make you stay / my heart’s split open on display / i can’t wait another day pretty much encompasses them fully <33 also also, rly loved the lyric it must be holy to feel something so pure makes me think of dabi as he initially starts to truly fall in love with her—real, pure, sincere! okay i just got to the end of the song and tbh, i think there’s even an argument to be made here for part two as well, and the way their relationship progresses, the concept of home, etc.

luna - wisp

feeling u hardcore on the chest aching with this song. it’s just the melody, you know??? it feels so infused with raw emotion. this one also kind of reminds me of the sex scene in part one AHAHAHA but that’s more due to how hazy and fragmented reader is <3

bottles - the material

oh yeah, for sure! alcoholism is still substance abuse, and it is still addiction. oof this is another one that made me like, super emotional. just rly struck a chord!! i love everything you’ve pointed out here, and i also love how the chorus (in particular the lyrics those bottles are everywhere / and i can’t be everywhere / to keep them from you) reminds me so much of how reader feels towards keigo’s addiction for the majority of the series; she so desperately wishes to save him from himself, she so desperately wants to help, to be useful, but she truly cannot be everywhere cataloging all of his actions all of the time

aaaah WOW sleepy!!!! incredible playlist, thank you again for sharing it with me and the rest of us here on inkykeiji!!! your selection of songs and the order in which you curated them was just genius, i am so blessed to be able to experience this <333

[shrekgogurt]

Oh by gosh by golly, I miss writing for fun. I listen to my fic playlists and get sad because I do not have time and then I get mean to myself because I do not have time and the reason I do not have time is my own fault. Do you see the blame game happening?

In between writing my god papers, I have been taking the time to draft little thoughts ‘On Loving Being a Woman, as a Cis Woman Desperately Avoiding the TERF Traps’ in my notes app. The TLDR so far is: “I’m a woman because I love being one. It’s a deep knowing; my body feels warm and fuzzy when I think about it. In turn, I’m a cis woman simply because society happened to guess right when I was born.” I have also been working on editing a Captain Von Trapp thirst trap in my enemies-to-lovers-to-enemies-to-lovers-to-enemies-to lov…Adobe Premiere. I’m going balls to the walls on it. What lovely priorities I have!

I have also been playing around on my guitar more and improving! I’m no star, but it has been a fun break from using my academic brain. It gets my body moving and makes my ADHD sing. I’ve been paired with my COBB writer for my artist responsibilities and I’m excited to get to songwriting! Speaking of songwriting (not fandom related) I have this chorus of a miscellaneous song I haven’t fully written that I am obsessed with:

I have not touched Escape to Space since February 5th and am feeling so incredibly guilty about it. This is sort of a combination of vague writer’s block (I have some ideas and scene fragments but no end goal yet which makes things hard) and no time. I would say if anyone wants to be someone I can bounce ideas off of I am game but it’s not feasible for me to carve out that space right now. Spring break is next week but I have to spend that time drafting the second part of my thesis. Truly, don’t go to grad school friends.

I have been especially missing IKAB, IKAM so very desperately. I might just chug along a little bit a day for an outlet. Oooooop look at me! I did just that!

(flashback, year 11 aka fifth year)

The scent of him hits my nostrils and it’s effort not to make a face. Great. Weed too. We have a bloody match tomorrow and his eyes are fucking bloodshot. I’m fully minging at this point. Only Baz would flaunt his privilege like this. He can afford to lounge on a roof breaking every rule because someone will bail him out. Meanwhile, it’s people like me who will do all the heavy lifting. I briefly consider letting go, watching him stumble off the ledge to the ground five stories below. The thought makes me sick to my stomach, or maybe it’s just the stench.

“We’re both rather tragic, aren’t we?” Baz mutters. I can only hear him because he’s leaning into me. His breath is airy on my ear. It makes me twitchy. I recoil on instinct.

“You think this makes you tragic? Stargazing?”

Alright! I feel like that’s enough for this post! Tagging as a thank you for keeping me in the loop this past month even though I haven’t been active with SSS and WIPsday: @artsyunderstudy @theimpossibledemon @palimpsessed @hushed-chorus @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @larkral @fatalfangirl @letraspal @chen-chen-chen-again-chen @ileadacharmedlife @captain-aralias @forabeatofadrum @ivelovedhimthroughworse @blackberrysummerblog @confused-bi-queer @cutestkilla you are much loved! Now, making my rounds and tagging the rest of my beloved mutuals: @gekkoinapeartree @boyinjeans @technetiumai @takenabackbytuesdays @ninemagicks @yeonjunenby @cows4247 @sillyunicorn @upuntil6am @excalisbury @takitalks @foolofabookwyrm-activated @dragoneggos @carryonmylovelies @giishu @messofthejess @aristocratic-otter @ic3-que3n @nausikaaa @thewholelemon @taramemberence @yellobb-old @whogaveyoupermission @moodandmist @asocialpessimist @onepintobean @umdiasujo @erzbethluna @bazzybelle @johnwgrey @raenestee @martsonmars @ebbpettier WHEWWWWWW okay I think that’s everyone! I’m sorry if I missed you!!!!

[baynton]

tagged by @blackbeardsblanketfort​ - thank you 🥰

8 shows to get to know me better

1. bbc ghosts

this is where the mat obsession started. it actually started as a ben/patcap obsession, funnily enough, but within mere weeks of being back on tumblr i had spiralled into mat insanity, never to return. for real though, this show is so good. i love it so much. i love all the characters. patcap is real and i love it. i don’t really need to say anymore about it since i think everyone who follows me here has at least SEEN ghosts. 

2. spy (2011)

spy is so important to me. it gave me chris pitt-goddard. he is me, i am him. i love him more than i love life itself. one of the best mat characters to ever exist. thomas thorne could never. the rest of the show is fine, the other characters are alright (i am soft on tim though) but chris MAKES the show. the things he comes out with are iconic. plus. without chris, the iconic chris x joe ship would have never been born (which would have been an absolute TRAGEDY) 

3. reluctant persuaders

because this is about shows rather than specifically television shows i am including reluctant persuaders, hit bbc radio show. it’s funny, it’s iconic, all the characters are phenomenal. even if mat wasn’t in it, i would still love it. but he is, and he plays joe starling, the soggiest wettest most pathetic mat character to ever exist. my mans is insulted by everyone every episode. they all comment on how pathetic he is all the time. how sad and lonely he is. how he looks about 10 years older than he actually is. it’s wonderful. and, of course, without joe, the iconic chris x joe ship would have never been born. tragic. but it’s ok because they’re here and i was here to coin the ship so we can all heave a sigh of relief. 

4. you me and the apocalypse 

okay, you might be sensing a theme here. and yes, okay, the theme is that they are all mat shows (i WILL be including at least one non-mat show though, never fear). but this one gave us two PHENOMENAL mats. the twins. THE twins. of all time. cersei and jaime were usurped by ariel and jamie (idk why iconic twins always have a jamie but it’s NOTED). this show is also just objectively brilliant. it’s not like spy where it would suck without the mat character. this show is just great. 

5. the wrong mans

i can’t talk about mat shows without THIS one. because mat not only wrote and starred in this beautiful wonderful show, it’s also iconic for the soppiest wettest mat character we get to see on tv. (the only one who holds a candle here is william from quacks but.. i think sammy takes the cake). he’s a cute tiny baby and i love him dearly.

6. inside no.9

okay, so this one genuinely doesn’t count as a mat show, but mat is very beautiful in the few minutes he has in that one episode and so, here u go, mat gif. i loved this show long before i descended into mat madness, and for good reason! it��s brilliant, inspired, genuinely incredible. and watching it again with @the-20th-century-girl has been an absolute joy. looking at reece with her (and yes, okay, SOMETIMES i look at steve and his lovely legs too) is always a good time. i love almost all the episodes. anthology series are fucking fantastic but this one takes the cake. i love black mirror, but black mirror wishes it was in9. 

7. ted lasso

this show is absolutely fantastic and i went absoltuely insane watching it over the space of about 5 days. i was then left with the last 4 or so episodes to watch as they came out, which was brilliant. i got to experience the end with everyone else, lol. but seriously, this show has some fantastic characters and storylines and character GROWTH. jamie tartt at the start of s1 vs jamie tartt by the end of s3 is just. INCREDIBLE. the whole nate the great arc. like holy shit this show went HARD and it paid off.

8. bbc merlin

going RIGHT back to my roots with this one. while glee got me onto tumblr and twitter back in the day, it was merlin that got me INVOLVED in fandom. i learnt to gif because of this show, i went to my first fandom event because of this show (bradley and tom’s football game), i made my first group of fandom friends because of this show. it’s still one i go back to and rewatch every now and then. sometimes i still read merthur fic when i think about a Specific Fic i remember i used to love. i will always have a special place in my heart for this show fr.

right! there we go, that’s it! tagging: @matbaynton, @toomanyfandomsneverenoughtime, @the-illuminated-one​, @the-20th-century-girl​ and @catboyrightsdefender​ but no pressure if you don’t want to 🫡

[yuly]

Hey Yuly!! I just wanted to tell you how much I love your writing, it’s so deliciously soul destroying <3

If you don’t mind, do you have any tips on starting writing fanfiction? I really love writing but I have absolutely no clue where to start it’s painful 😭

Anyway ilysm ur an angst genius and I just wanted you to know it 💗💗

oh anon 🥹🥹you've made my entire day week with this ask thank you so very much for your kind words and support ❤️❤️

soul destroying 🫢hehe😈🤪

my advice for writing ??? as someone who started writing in Dec 20222???? i'm not sure i qualify to give any type of advice darling😭 but i will say this:

you said you love writing so start there!! don't be afraid!!! if you feel like writing something GO FOR IT, it doesn't have to be novel, hell it doesn't even have to be a full paragraph, write down your idea, tell your story and see how you feel about it, my golden rule is as long as I like it and it makes ME happy reading it, then I’m good!! Literally just open up google docs, or your notes app, whatever, take a breath and type away!!! flood the page with our ideas and then start organizing it a bit etc, don’t put too much pressure on yourself because thats when you lose train of thought and lovely ideas float way, forget about posting and what the reader will think, for now just put your energy into story telling :)

don't worry too much about grammar and schematics in the early stages, just get your idea out, tell your story! In my first few stories I was very insecure about the fact that my tenses were all over the place, I obsessed over it wayyyyy too much (I still struggle with it ngl), we aren't writing legal documents here, cut yourself some slack!! also, english isn't everyone's first language! I use free grammarly its very helpful, I am terrible at spelling etc.

at the same time, be honest with yourself, yes you are a brand new writer and there is lots of room to improve so if and when you receive some feedback, take it!! don't see it as an attack or a reason to not write anymore, incorporate it to the best of your abilities and keep trying!!

be yourself!!! I cannot emphasis this enough, you may not be aware of it yet but you have a certain niche that is going to hit juuuust right for your reader! i've started using tumblr and reading fanfic again since nov2022 and i have come across a wide variety of writing styles, some i personally enjoy more than others (and that's ok!) but there are so many insanely talented writers in this little fandom alone it blows my mind, and each of them has their own unique writing style and a different way to tell a beautiful story, and we appreciate them all!! there is room for everyone <3

most importantly: don't let lack of engagement discourage you, this is easier said than done!! right before I posted child's play, I posted a small one shot titled A Two Way Street, it was different from my usual fluff and actually, it was my very first time writing angst! (a tiny amount lol) and I was so excited !!! I even wanted (and still do) to make a part 2 and had this whole idea planned out, but it sat around 10 likes for nearly two weeks, with no feedback or anything, it was crickets lol. It made me really sad and I started to second guess my idea and just the story overall, I even thought am I writing too much too fast for someone who just started?? Maybe I should take a break. When I got the idea for childs play not long after that, I said fuck it ,I posted it with 0 expectations, I just genuinely liked my idea and telling the story, again, I had an idea for part 2 but this time I told myslef to not expect anything and just take whatever comes my way. The response to that story is still unreal to me, I'm so glad that I didn't let something so small discourage me from writing all together, truthfully some of the best stories I've read on here get way less recognition than I believe they deserve, but that does not take away from the writers talent or the story itself!!!

anyway, that was sooooo much rambling, I hope I was able to encourage you even a tiny bit, you are absolutely capable and worth the shot, don't be afraid, I’m no genius I'm just a regular girl and if I can do it, you absolutely can!!!❤️❤️

[vent-and-advice]

hey I just don’t know where else to put this I just feel like I’m getting so much worse.

I’ve known something was wrong since I was about 7 and I’m 17 (turning 18 in November) now. I just feel like I’m spiraling downhill and I’m worried that by the time I feel safe to reach out for help as right now I’d need to go through my parents to get said help and considering the symptoms I have and the way my mom has talked about people with said symptoms I don’t feel safe reaching out right now, I just feel like once I can get help without informing them I’ll need a god damn hospital. I’ve repeatedly nearly relapsed into self harm and straight up relapsed into self harm multiple times, and today it just feels like I’m reaching a new low. I don’t mind when people hurt me. Like one time a friend kicked me as a joke and ended kicking much harder than intended and I just didn’t care. With the future approaching like this and knowing the current economy I’ve been suicidal since sophomore year and a bit of freshman year and eighth grade. It got a little better since I made some new friends but it just dipped today and during gym I just thought to myself that it’d be nice if I fainted and hit my head hard enough to die. I can’t help but feel like I’ll never be enough to live this life. I feel like I was supposed to be the healthy and capable one in my family who would go on to accomplish a lot and give back a lot but now I can’t. I just can’t and I feel like I’ll probably die at 30 now bc I’ll either die of the elements, illness, or ill just fucking kill myself. I also just feel like I’m a bad friend. I got a new friend group recently and we did leave one person bc she was really draining to us and one person isn’t in the group bc he didn’t get along with two other people (I’m still friends with him) but now it seems like another person is leaving now bc he doesn’t like me and had a confrontation with the other person. Now it feels like I mostly just have this one person to hang onto and I feel like I shouldn’t be as attached as I am. I just feel like losing him is a last straw. If I do I’d kill myself. I just feel like I can’t ever give him a reason to leave me and I just shape myself to meet his needs and wants and never tell him anything about me that he wouldn’t like, because frankly, I’d die if he wasn’t part of my life anymore. But now I feel like because I’m so attached I’m a bad friend because I shouldn’t be like this. I don’t want to tell him because I don’t want to upset him and he’s already dealt with obsessive and toxic people and I don’t want to be like those people. It’s just becoming too much and I’m afraid I’ll reach a breaking point soon and I don’t know what to do.

Woah there, friend. First, take a nice flower. It smells lovely 🪻

Now, seems you’re dealing with a lot. First questions you’ve gotta ask yourself. Why are you afraid to reach out? People who love you will want to help! If you feel like it’s not safe to reach out to a certain person, think:

•Can I reach out to my parents?

•Teacher you can trust or guidance counselor

•In an extreme circumstance, a suicide hotline.

As for the you not caring if people hurt you thing, I believe it may stem from a lack of self love! Some good ways to self reflect is doing small things and enjoying this world. Flower picking and picnics are a great way to get some nice sunlight and being outside actually helps a lot with mental health!

Are there any clubs you can join? Group retreats? Maybe even picking up a little hobby! Dr. Amanda used to do Chess Club, which is where she made a lot of friends!

And most important of all is to pinpoint your emotions! Not always can we figure out why we feel this way or what it is we’re even feeling. But sometimes writing it down can really help you get close! Maybe start journaling your emotions and, if you’re comfortable, show it to your school’s guidance counselor and say that that is how you’re feeling.

Here are some journaling ideas:

•What you did today

•What you want to do tomorrow

•Draw

•Try to describe things that make you uncomfortable

•Try to describe how you feel about the people in your life

•Try to describe how you feel about yourself

Next, look at yourself in the mirror. Like actually look at yourself. Every little imperfection that you may hate. Touch those little imperfections and smile and tell yourself that they’re beautiful. That you’re beautiful. You are a rose!

Practice self care. Bubble baths, meditating, exercise, and basic hygiene are all fantastic for your mental health. That friend of yours you mentioned? Maybe even invite them to go to the gym with you or just to meditate with you! Tell them you’re trying to heal and you need someone to lean on a bit for support. And after a while, try doing those things yourself to become more independent.

My dear two legged friend. You are not a mere flower. You are a whole bouquet 💐

I know you can do this. I am your little friend, Bee, and I love you! 🐝

[ashmp3]

okay re: ur vocal note/rant bc ofc i listened i have issues yeah omg i put it on in the background like a little podcast

and like i am sooo with you on this 😵‍💫 like its so unfair abt how a girl will take out her insecurity and anger at a guy and put it onto ANOTHER girl instead of the guy!!!! like be mad at him like it just sounds so 16th century witchhunt that apparently the guy isn't responsible for who he wants to sit and talk to and rather theyre mad that another woman is trying to charm and bewitch him like boohoo sorry u only see other women as competition and also u sound like a better person than me bc best believe if i was friends w a girl and she acted like that i would be playing breakup playlists and sulking and ripping my hair out and writing w a glitter red gel pen abt all the curses that i want to befall her bc there is nothing worse than being a girls' girl and then being hated by other girls!!!!!!!!! (esp bc of a man) feels like hell is a pit in ur stomach!!!!!!!!

and to insert myself omg i graduated hs a year and a half ago now but even from then until now ive had the same friend group which is a group of guys and for no other reason than that i genuinely like them and theyre like a group of brothers to me and we vibe but the hatred from other girls is literally heartbreaking 😭 bc every so often i would hear in high school abt 'oh xyz from this group of girls called u a pick me and talked abt u and said u want male attention' which is a batshit crazy take bc everyone knows that i preferred women anyway like wdym im not gonna date any of those guys in my group we are friends...just friends....and once in y10 this guy was obsessed w me and he was like a millionaires son and popular and i was shy and kinda intrigued so i dated him for a little while but 16 year old me would hear comments 24/7 in the hallways abt how i was some slut for doing it (it being dating him) which is crazyyyy bc every single one of these comments came from girls (and girls who i knew liked this guy)

so like omg yes to agree w u on everything nothing is more infuriating and annoying as hell when like girls forgo ur friendship and ur good intentions and just the overall sisterhood vibe bc theyre mad some guy is into u...like even if ur not into him back 😭 sorry for the long ass ask

call her daddy count your days call her ashmp3 is coming to take over ur little podcast…

i KNOWWW but genuinely she doesn’t have any reason to be mad at either of us? like he sat next to you because you dragged him there and then all you did was bat your eyelashes and giggle and i know she’s shocked that this didn’t work because she is really so pretty and men kneel down just to talk to her. And i am sure the guy doesn’t even like me i think I was intriguing to him and we hit it off well so of course it might look like that. also she knows i don’t even want him she KNOWS who i got my eyes on so i was just so shocked at her behavior.

also the whole thing about breakup playlists and red glitter pen i love you you are so funny and expressive i giggled… And yeah i don’t do that i’m like oh well moving on. I don’t like dwelling on things, and i don’t get sad i get mad. Mad because as you said, being a girls girl and then it flipping on you is just aggravating.

PEOPLE DO THAT ALL THE TIMEEEE like why is it so hard to believe that you see them as friends and they see you as a PERSON that’s their FRIEND no i’m telling you it’s girls that see attention from a guy as a confidence boost or confirmation that they are worth something which is all fucked up and not normal way to think about yourself… But i think the deep insecurities just come from the place of wanting to be accepted. And they can’t understand that you hanging out with your friends doesn’t mean anything more because they themselves couldn’t do it aka they would try and flirt… So u get hated on bc they project themselves and think what they would do. FUCKED UP!

i had that happen with another cancer guy and in hs and still now i don’t have instagram facebook nothing i am a monk in a body of a baddie. But i remember my friend showing me profile of random girl and saying “she hates you and talks shit about you bc of cancer guy” like you don’t KNOW ME. Hate HIM lmfaoosjdjsjs i mean don’t hate anyone… Crazy

and 🫂🫂🫂 long asks are always welcome and thank you for listening to my rant and i am sorry you went through things like this bc it’s truly heartbreaking being reduced to a “pick me” just because you don’t act shy around just some guys.

[bandluvr97]

mbb 🎅

I wrote something and Tumblr said nope, hopefully this works better.

I work F&B for the venue, so I help out at private events, which can get wild. Like $150,000USD for the night wild. It's an iconic venue, so people tend to only book it for extravagant parties, and thankfully now when Chef gets a $20,000USD order for a weekend the manager goes and screams in the VIP lounge rather than my little cave of an office space. I don’t get to see the parties (my boss thinks I’m an HR nightmare, cause tbh I was at the last company we worked at together) but I get the Stress of the invoices… What do you do for work? You said an office job, anything else you could share?

Ah, I can’t watch those kinds of movies, I get too much second-hand embarrassment lmao but I’m glad you’re there to keep up with the cringe.

I’m obsessed with how other idols have to deny dating rumors, while Changkyun’s there like “I fuck, please believe me!” and we’re like yep okay and the Easter Bunny is real, too. I don’t know how their stylists keep hitting, but they do, and they always look so amazing. I love their classy but scantily clad looks, even if Shownu isn’t there to switch from extremely sexy to Dad At Disneyworld as soon as he changes.

He will, but at what cost? He has to be a stocks bro now, which is an extremely unsexey thing to be. He’s so lucky he can sing smh (I’m joking). The vibration dance to start the song was so inspired, especially with the half open jumpsuit. I just think Shownu should be Snake Plisskin in the inevitable remake, in that jumpsuit, obviously. I don’t care if he doesn’t have acting experience, he could do it.

I love how sweet Wonho is, and so therefore how sweet his fans are. Even if he is absolutely shredded and so powerful on stage. I hate drug scandals, like, let them unwind in their downtime, and I’m glad that most people agreed and supported him and wanted him back. I can’t believe he’s enlisted now, how are we meant to go on without him?

And don’t think I didn’t see the line about some online dating, I’m trying not to snoop but also I’m snooping. Hopefully that’s going okay for you, please give us the rundown.

Hey love ❤️ how are you doing today? It’s all good Tumblr can have good days and bad days when it comes to messaging or posts so no worries there 😂

Oooo so your a food and drink distributor? That’s so cool!! I take it the venue is well known?what is the name of the club? Dang love! You’re making the big bucks!! Now that is impressive ❤️❤️ what kind of food do you serve? Lol as for me I work in an office as a social worker for low income families and community members so I work with people who are refugees/immigrants, indigenous communities, people who need money until they find work and things like that lol there is a lot of good clients but there can be the occasional one or two that like to give people a difficult time for no reason 😂😂 if you want to hear more stories or more about it im more than happy to answer 😊 im an open book lol

Yeah those movies are good for either background (which is what we mainly do in my family) but with the hallmark we mainly just judge them for how much they mention Christmas and make it more cheesy than they need to make it lol

Lmao!!! Right?!?!?! Idk how they keep coming up with so many amazing outfits like come on guys can you give us a second to catch our breath first? 😍😍😍😍and for changkyun we already know he a thotty thot some days and a comfy baby boy the next lol I honestly will not be surprised if shownu goes full daddy mode when he comes out and I am here for it lol I’ve always wanted to see it and I hope we see it lol wbu? What do you think shownu will look like after he’s out?

Lmao!! It just shows that he’s successful and knows how to make some extra coin 😂😂 all jokes aside if that’s what he wants to do with his money then that’s good for him ❤️❤️idk if I know what the snake plisskin is but if it’s leather then he can pull anything off lol

Right??? Wonho is such a sweetie 😍😍 I remember seeing some fan cams of his meet and greets with wenees and the handholds and the caresses though we’re sending me though the feels I swear to goodness lol and yeah that drug scandal was a negative time but we got him in the end still doing what he loves and that’s all we can ever want for our bunnie ❤️❤️ and honestly? Idk but it will be similar to shownus enlistment then we can do the countdown of days until he’s out lol

Darn it I thought you didn’t see that 😂😂😂 what would you like to know love? Let’s just say this the people I talked to wanted to meet up right away and make things go too fast for me and didn’t want to do the whole “friends to lovers” sort of thing so I will just be chilling and reading some fan fiction until the right person shows up lol it just wasn’t going anywhere and we shall see what is out there lol wbu? How is your dating life going?

Also sorry for the late reply too I thought I pressed send too lol

[littlecornerinbrooklyn]

Back To December // or: rabbit rabbit it's the final month it's here we made it!!!!

This is the first year I’ve accomplished a long-term new years resolution.

Last year I made a pact with myself (I told a few people about it too) that I was going to publish a newsletter every Friday, for a total of at least 52 newsletters for 2022.

I didn’t number them or make a big list that I checked off each week. I didn’t obsessively count them to see how many more I had to go—I just kind of went one Friday at a time.

Sometimes I published two essays a week. At some point, I began a tradition of writing an extra one on the first of the month to help me center my energy and declare a focus for the next four weeks of my life. I tried to not take myself so seriously, I tried to stop coming up with new ideas and focuses, and I really made a valiant effort to get shit done.

My 52nd of the 52 newsletters was published on November 18th, in which I admitted I was suffering from a major depressive bout. Immediately after sending it, I had decided that I wasn’t going to count it because for some reason I thought I would have had something grander to say. I had written so many, some of which I was even proud of, and my finish line was crossed with an essay that felt so disparate from the others. So uh, you can lead a horse to water but they may look around and go “well getting here was actually easier than I had imagined so I haven’t earned drinking this water because I should really feel thirstier if this mountain was as hard to climb as it was in my head—” and you know what, I am that horse, and I’m done being that horse. It’s so fucking lame when people can’t appreciate themselves/their accomplishments/the things that people are complimenting them on. I know this is going against my “don’t be mean to yourself” rule but this is in line with my “sometimes I just need a swift kick in the ass to get over something” mentality. Like yes, the tone of healing is often gentle and kind, but sometimes it is also incredulous and you know what, sometimes that’s more helpful.

So anyway, yaaay!! I did the thing! I wrote a ton this year and I’m really really happy that I did because writing is one of those things that I had let slip away and was the best tool I had to help me come back to myself. I write six pages a day in my journal, I write a ‘stack a week, and I’m pushing through finishing a manuscript. I’m a writer again! I did it by…writing! It was way easier than I remembered. Mostly because I let it be.

So! Now that I’m all smug from having accomplished a long-term resolution, I want to give out the ~secrets~ to how I did it.

#1 - Start When You’re Ready

I didn’t wait until January 1st to get going with the newsletters, I tested myself in December 2021 by sending out one every Friday. I don’t have word minimums (all of them have been long though because uhhhh have you met me? I’ve never been brief in my life), I didn’t give myself any genre to stick to, it was truly no holds barred just learning how to hit send over and over again until it became slightly less intimidating to do it.

Practice whatever the goal is. It’s worth easing in.

#2 - Don’t Start From Scratch

Going from 0 to 100 is a lot harder than letting yourself get warmed up. I also have a lot of weirdly high expectations that I put on the first of anything I do. When I launched this newsletter I couldn’t get out of my own head, so I wrote about how I was stuck in it and hitting send on that allowed me to go forth unburdened by the pressures of debut.

I hate the first blank page in a journal because it has heightened by false importance. So I don’t start my new journals on a new entry. The first page is now a continued entry from the previous one. No pressure! Just keep the writing going!

I think having the right materials can totally make a difference—I’m picky about paper texture and pens, I get it—but treating those materials too preciously will stop the enjoyment we should be getting from using them. (Light those super-expensive candles! Swipe that $35 lipstick on! Use the ‘good plates’ and drink the fancy bottle and indulge in the things you’ve been saving!) Once you’ve broken the seal it’s a lot easier to keep going.

#3 - Momentum Matters (but also like, only as much as we make it)

I skipped a few Fridays! (I had some cushion built in early on in terms of having more essays than there had been weeks in the year, so when I hit a wall, didn’t like the draft, or had life get in the way, I didn’t punish myself for it. I didn’t proclaim that I had failed, I just…wrote one the next week.)

And when I had a lot to say…I sent two. And when I finished writing one and had enough in me to start another, I did. And when I thought of a good headline or subject I put it in my notes app or popped it into a New Post on here. (My draft list on here is so so long.)the fact that this isn’t even half of them…

#4 - Attainability Mode

I didn’t want to set myself up for failure OR undue stress throughout the week. Yes, I complained about having to set time aside to get it done on the reg, yes I got annoyed with myself on Thursday evenings when the essays weren’t already finished, but like…it really didn’t take over my life. I didn’t have a ton of stress that I allowed myself to create around the task. I would have freaked the fuck out if I was sending two a week every week, no doubt about it. 100 would have been an extremely different goal, and it’s not one I’m setting myself for next year or anything either.

One a week. 52 by the end of the year. Super attainable.

Set the bar low enough to clear it.

(One a week isn’t actually that low tbh. One a month would have certainly sped up the accomplishment. Like, I would have fucking crushed if I was only trying to write 12 this year. And maybe that would have been good for me in different ways, I could have had a sense of gratification early in the year.)

(But 52 gave me something to strive for that wasn’t beyond my reach and did allow me to see myself growing in order to reach it, so, figure out the goal of your goal is what I’m saying I guess? Do you want to knock it out of the park and feel like you smashed it? Awesome! For me, I think that forcing myself to actually experience being proud of myself would have been a good thing to work on as evidenced by my lackluster abilities to do so when I reached this other goal I had set that really was aimed at discipline and sticking to a plan to finish something!)

I think I spent the majority of this year healing. I took a lot of time for myself, I prioritized my wants and needs and I kept myself going with self-imposed deadlines that all oriented my life toward the general direction of ‘improvement’. I had forgotten how to live my life for me.

Honestly, super weirdly honestly, I don’t think I knew just how little I knew myself. It’s so easy to convince everyone how sure you are when you talk about yourself all the fucking time, but the inconsistencies really racked up over the years. I was stimulating myself constantly in order to separate myself from my own thoughts — to be honest, they felt dangerous a lot of the time. I realized recently that I don’t know how to feel anger as a response. Like it’s an emotion that I just slide right by. I go from hurt to sad. I never get righteous about the treatment I receive at the hands and hearts of other people. Politics? Sure. Of course. Love a good rant about how the democrats treat their supporters like petulant children while the republicans constantly assure their supporters that they’re right and never wrong and the smartest people who have ever lived. Real thinker on why one party remains incredibly popular despite an increasingly fascistic set of policies!! But to express my own anger? About my own treatment? I didn’t know how to do that.

My perception of myself is attuned to shame. I had to unlearn the reflex of assuming things were always my fault.

I can avoid blame by being better, right?

If I’m perfect, then no one will yell at me.

If I’m the most likable/helpful/funny/people-pleasing person in every single room I ever walk into then no one will ever get mad at me. (And honestly, I don’t fear the anger, I fear doing something that would cause someone to think that they will feel better in the situation by yelling at me—it all comes back to yelling, because despite my attempts to Not Let My Childhood Define My Future, I’ve had to just consistently acknowledge the deeply fucked up ways my past shaped me, and I had to learn to really feel for my younger self rather than think of her as an embarrassment. (Because 16-year-old me would have been crushed to find out that I think of her poorly. And who’s going to protect me but me?) And it’s also a weird shame trigger to feel like it’s still affecting me, so I’ve just had to acknowledge that shame and thank it for its uselessness when it comes to helping me heal. And it became imperative to Heal the shit and let’s move on because running away from it at full speed with a pair of noise-cancelling headphones that are blaring pop culture podcasts has not been the solution!!) It’s just not a sustainable way to live and I had tried this for long enough that I made myself my project this year.

Learning to hit send on my work was big for me. (It’s okay. I am not a burden, these words are not unwanted. I just had to keep hitting send. I had to build the muscle. It got easier over time. I think the writing probably/hopefully improved too.)

I read Several Short Sentences About Writing and proceeded to freak the fuck out earlier this year so, you know, baby steps into big steps, build endurance, show my work, don’t wait until it’s perfect—done is better than perfect.

Perfectionism is the enemy of creativity and the one thing that I got really really sure about this year is my foundation as a creative person. I’m happy when making things when writing when creating when crafting. I’m going to learn how to crochet and I’m really excited about it. Writing is one of those mediums that can constantly be improved upon. Everyone reads their own work and instantly has new ideas they can’t believe they didn’t include in the first draft. Sometimes the best pair of eyes are the ones we develop months later. Some ideas have to marinate while others are best served clean & fresh so you can appreciate the simplicity of a well-caught thought.

I’m already giving a lot of thought to what the next year of my life is going to be about. I think I kind of created this really cozy temperature-stable bubble of a life this year, and it’s been really great and necessary to spend time alone and get to know (and like and eventually be in love with) myself. It was kind of fun a lot of the time, surprising myself is a delight. The cats are calmer then they’ve ever been, thrilled to crawl all over me. Goob lets me sleep through the night every night, Weem sleeps on me every night. She’s not scared to be picked up anymore. It just took love.

Love is inertia. It’s the medium, it’s the message. I was able to give love, it was so easy to love other people. It’s simple to see the good in them, the efforts, the trials, the way they give to other people, the way their beliefs shape their actions. It was so hard for me to even like myself. I had been told or shown it was wrong, broken, strange, hard to love too many times at too vulnerable an age. I never fit. I just wanted to be normal and I couldn’t attain that. Letting go of that self-hatred was vital because I had to build self-worth one 1x2 lego brick at a time and it’s just not easy to do that when you have someone in your head constantly saying that they think you are unworthy of good things, you haven’t earned them, you aren’t enough as is. Change, improve, then show people.

But healing doesn’t happen in isolation. It happens in community. I did need to spend time alone to get to know myself, but if I’ve controlled my environment to such a degree that there is no chance of disruption, I’ll never learn how to actually balance. Theory is easy. I so value the time I spent with myself, the fact that I treated myself like a friend, but it’s time to get out there in the world and reintroduce myself and be less afraid. Stumble into the wrong people! Go on comically bad dates! Be myself unapologetically and work on having a more open and accessibly loving energy because that’s the essence, that’s my true self.

I am loved. I am love.

I think my big woo-woo spirit believes in love above all else. I really think we can heal the world with a lot of intense love and care. We’re all so lacking in it nowadays, we don’t have leisure, we don’t have things that are unmarred by corruption (and yes FIFA has always been corrupt but this world cup is legit unwatchable for me and soccer is the worlds favorite sport and I’m mad that I don’t get to enjoy it this time around because the human rights violations are real and egregious and we need to stop building olympic stadiums as well!!! What these events used to represent was strip mined by rich men for status and wealth beyond measure, money they couldn’t possibly spend on material goods in a lifetime. And for what??? Instead of once again displacing vulnerable populations we should just give them housing!!!), we compete in the oppression olympics online and demand that every tweet encapsulate our experience as if individualism is not one of the most important things to really deeply understand in order to be a more empathetic human.

Anyway, I wrote 52 ‘stacks this year. And I’m really proud of myself for that.

Healing is a process and I needed to commit to at least trying this year, and I think I achieved that. No matter how long the road has left to go, I can still be really happy with how far I’ve come. It’s not time to give up, it’s time to expand. It’s time to let my heart grow three more sizes and welcome people back into it. I can lower the shields, I can know that I’m going to be there for myself no matter what happens.

It was intentional. I owed it to myself. I deserve good things and to live my life with a lot of self-respect, admiration, and love.

The original title of Love, Actually was Love Actually Is All Around (you can still hear it in the Hugh Grant airport monologue at the beginning of the movie/title sequence) and while the decision to shorted it has definitely been the right choice (wouldn’t be a Christmas classic without it and it’s December now so get ready for the “Love, Actually is Problematic, Actually” discourse. We get it, the Natalie being called fat storyline is ridiculous (is it just easier to notice the fatphobia for folks because the actress is clearly thin to midsize? Did they intend to cast a fatter actor and then think audiences wouldn’t get on board? Is it satire??), Kiera Knightley being simped/stalked by her husband’s best friend is bad, and Laura Linney deserves better sex! Guess what? The movie is not that good, actually! But it’s got a great setting, the vibe is so Christmassy, and it ends with a rousing and excellent rendition of All I Want For Christmas Is You! A good musical number can redeem even the shittiest of movies. See: Pitch Perfect.) and while that title is hokey, it’s true. Love has been made cringe because it’s vulnerable, and it’s hard to keep our hearts open when we have to so often sacrifice ourselves to survive.

Little choices every day that make the bigger sacrifices seem okay. There’s a rail strike over sick days, the government can admit that the conditions are inhumane but they draw the line at doing anything about it. The workers are essential, a strike at this time would be devastating. Which is why we have to give them basic human workers rights like sick days!!! If we don’t they’ll all burn out and it will tank regardless. We didn’t respect teachers for years and the catastrophe of how poorly the pandemic response was handled has left the entire field in crisis. And teachers are already people who are admittedly pretty selfless, teaching is a thankless job that is one of the single most import careers a person can have. But keeping the population under control is easier when they’re not good at critical thinking. Psyops works a lot more efficiently when you convince people it was their idea. We like, need to be teaching people about Watergate and Iran Contra. Curriculums need to be updated. I don’t need to know who Paul Revere is, I need to know the lineage of just how many corrupt administrations Dick Cheney managed to be part of! Bill Barr isn’t a new figure in politics he’s been ruining shit for decades! Don’t even get me started on Roger Stone.

(It came out that “no kink at pride discourse was stared on 8chan as a way of dividing the gay community and like…of course it was! But we need to be better and smarter than falling for things that divide marginalized community. Humans are always stronger when we’re fighting for ALL of our liberations rather than fighting over who’s liberation matters more. When we liberate each other, we’re all liberated. It really is that simple! And difficult.)

Anyway, happy December! 2023 still doesn’t sound like a real year! I’m sure it’ll look entirely different than this year and that’s really fun and exciting and the future could be hopeful because I think being robbed of hope is just a way to keep us nihilistic and despondent and unmotivated! We gotta have hope, even and especially when it hurts. We repaired the ozone layer! We can do anything!!!

Have a great month babes! Do things that make you proud of yourself Let’s gooooo!

( & subscribe to my Substack!)