#this is a weird thing for me to be losing my shit over but i am foaming at the moutht htat episdoe is so weird and i fucking love it so muc
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I'm sick :( I need Rhiannon to comfort me fr
oh no, get well soon anon!! here are some rhiannon hcs for you <3
rhiannon who becomes your personal nurse and care taker.
if you thought she was protective before, you wouldn’t believe how she gets when you’re getting sick. rhiannon might not seem like the nurturing type at first glance but that whole facade cracks the moment she notices you’re coming down with something. suddenly, her focus narrows entirely on you, her usual edge softened by concern. turns out she’s almost oddly skilled at taking care of you, probably because of all the years spent cleaning up her own messes (or other people’s…) she knows exactly where to find the thermometer, has a bottle of cough syrup in her cupboard that she swears isn’t expired, and somehow remembers all the proper doses of medicine off the top of her head. “here, take this” and with that she’ll press the pills into your hand, a glass of water already in the other. when you raise an eyebrow at her efficiency, rhiannon shrugs. “what, you think this is my first time playing nurse?”
rhiannon who works from home whenever you’re sick so that she can be there for you.
she stays with you all day, restocks your tissues, binge watches all your favorite shows with you on the couch, or goes on a pharmacy run without being asked, returning with a bag full of remedies. “alright, i got cold medicine, cough drops, and this weird herbal tea…pick your poison,” she says, dumping the haul on the coffee table. later, when you start to drift off, your head heavy against her shoulder, she goes quiet as she adjusts the blanket over you. “you’re lucky you’re sick,” she murmurs, almost too quiet for you to hear. “otherwise, i’d never let you get away with this” she pretends to be annoyed by all the caregiving, but she’s secretly touched when you lean on her.
rhiannon, who’s surprisingly patient with you. 
she’s usually the type to lose her temper quickly. rhiannon’s the type to lose her shit over the smallest things (a lost phone charger, slow wi-fi, an overcooked meal…) but now, even when you’re grumbling or too exhausted to answer her properly, she doesn’t snap. no one else but you would ever get away with that. instead, she surprises even herself by being uncharacteristically calm. she doesn’t push you to eat or drink more than you can manage, but she’ll gently remind you to take your medicine on time and always has an eye on you from across the room. “think you can handle some tea?” she’ll ask gently as she sits down on the couch beside you. “or maybe just a sip of water? here, i’ll help”
rhiannon, who’s more affectionate with you than she’d ever admit around anyone else.
when it’s just the two of you, her carefully practiced guard drops completely. it’s always like this, but she enjoys it even more when she gets to care for you simultaneously. she’ll brush your hair out of your face, tuck the blankets around you, and sit by your side quietly. “your hair’s a mess,” she murmurs, her fingers ghosting over your forehead. “want me to run you a bath?” when you hum a quiet yes, her hand lingers for a moment before she stands. “alright,” she says softly, glancing at you like she’s making sure you’re still comfortable before she heads toward the bathroom. “you stay put. don’t even think about moving until i come get you!”
rhiannon, who’s even more protective over you when you’re sick.
if anyone tries to disturb you or suggest you should “power through” your illness, rhiannon will shut them down if given the chance. “she’s resting” she’ll say if someone makes a comment like: “oh, it’s just a little cold! she’ll be fine,” “unless you’re a doctor or a pharmacist, kindly mind your own business!” then she’ll turn back to you, all soft concern again. “you’re not moving an inch! don’t let anyone tell you otherwise” even when you start feeling better, she’s still overly cautious. the first time you try to suggest going out or doing something mildly active, she immediately talks you out of it: “no. you’re staying in. i didn’t spend all week playing nurse just for you to keel over the second you step outside!” “but i feel fine,” you protest weakly. “right” she deadpans, pulling the blanket tighter around your shoulders. “face it, you’re stuck with me, and i’m not letting you undo all my hard work!”
rhiannon, who will absolutely guilt trip you once you’re feeling better.
once you’re fully recovered, she milks her role as the “long-suffering girlfriend” for all it’s worth, sighing dramatically every time you ask her for even the smallest favor. “oh, you need me to grab the remote for you now?” sure, because i didn’t just spend days making sure you didn’t die of the plague” you can’t help but chuckle a little. but if you dare roll your eyes, she’ll double down with an exaggerated groan. “oh, you’re denying it now? fine, i’ll keep a list next time you’re sick. medicine at 3am? check. homemade soup? check. listening to you snore like a bloody chainsaw? double check” but, as much as she’s pretending like it was such an inconvenience, you both know rhiannon loves to take care of you!! <3
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the fact that doctors can just Recommend Weight Loss with no instructions beyond ‘eat healthier/less’ is actually insane to me, i lost weight on purpose ONCE and it took me like 6 years to recover a semi-normal relationship with food and hunger
#uhh#disordered eating cw#just in case#mumbling#like jfc i know i’m not the first to say it and my experience is relatively SO tame#but it STILL fucked with my head for YEARS#and most people don’t go nearly that long between weight loss attempts at all for basically their whole lives!!!!!#and we’re so blasé about it like yeah just eat less to lose weight#and so few people talk about the really weird shit that phase of my life taught me even though they seem like pretty universal things#like when you lose weight deliberately by denying yourself food you get COLD#you get cold and you get in your head and you get sad it’s like being less alive#the times i’ve lost weight/recomped on accident (by doing smth that makes me move more‚ getting better sleep etc)#it’s been WARM#burn hotter move freer feel happier#and also the way hunger feels when you’ve been denying yourself food for an extended time is NOT the same as baseline hunger#it’s actually kind of wild that we use the same word to describe both feelings like that shit is NOT the same#that shit is not ‘being really hungry’ it’s a fuckin. blood curse or some shit you feel straight up unhinged#and i should disclaim here i am not talking large amounts of weight#i’ve fluctuated over i think a 20lb range max since reaching close to my adult height and that’s a guesstimate#but even in my relatively unremarkable little experiences here the way deliberate weight loss fucked with my brain is absurd to me#i’m fine now have been for years but seriously thinking back on it the fact that this is routine medical advice. unreal
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i literally love dark harvest so much i love that fucked up chase scene i love that damn pigeon and i especially love how fast dib goes from "omg i wanna move in with zim and wear his clothes ;3 (no homo tho lol)" to "oH dEAR gOD hE'S iN tHE vENTS" i will cherish this beautiful nightmare forever
#and no i will NEVER shut up about that part of the chase scene where dib's running down the hall and zim's up in the ceiling chasing him and#the ceiling panels are just falling down behind him i just#ASKKSKDKSJKFLSKLKSLLLKLKDSKSF#this is a weird thing for me to be losing my shit over but i am foaming at the moutht htat episdoe is so weird and i fucking love it so muc#iz#invader zim#zim#dib#zadc#zadr#zadf#zade#ha all the tags try and decode THAT relationship bitch#as much as i love the ceiling panel part i will never let it overshadow dib's GAYASS LITTLE RANT AT THE BEGINNING LIKE BRO JUST#jaksdfslfkklslkfskdfklsdlskdlslksd
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oh captain my captain i didn't know what league of legends game was when i watched arcane. so i thought the plot was alright since i didn't (still don't) know the game lore. if it wasn't basically a prequel story, trying to aim the characters at the way they are in canon, do u think the plot and character arcs would have held up alright? or does that actually make the arcane canon story worse since it wouldn't at least have the existing canon as something it needed to land at eventually as an excuse for any "out of character" decisions? thank u
i wouldnt even call it a prequel story? its like a very elaborate au in a sense, one that feels comfortable changing things to a certain extent- clothes, personality adjustments, motivations, but they still have to hit certain beats. vi has to be an enforcer, jinx has to be a wild card harley quinn type, ekkos time powers ect ect. idk WHAT it is maybe the show needed more time or tighter focus or less characters but i just felt that like, some of the story decisions directly relating to LoL lore werent outright bad but didnt have a lot of time to breathe. the standout example being ekkos time thing, where when i watched that scene i assumed it was both a stylistic representation of a fight and establishing his and jinx's prior relationship (which is kind of too little too late considering they did not fucking speak once as kids pre time skip), and then i had to get a friend to explain to me for SEVERAL MINUTES that he literally died during that fight and it was supposed to be showing his rewind thing. it just wasnt clear at all and his character would not change in the slightest if he didnt have it. but you cant NOT include it so. *
really i have no clue the full extent of the story the writers wanted to tell and how much LoL is binding their hands on story beats. and i REALLY dont want to be inflexible considering i still have a full season coming up that might make me more receptive to certain decisions. but considering how much of the cast i REALLY like just straight up are not in the game, i think they are fully capable of making a solid story completely divorced from league
*someone in the comments told me apparently that Wasnt his time thing and my original read of the scene was correct so im not gonna hold it against the show.
#basically anytime i was like huh thats weird#my friend would lean over and go thats league shit#and then i just kind of sit there. Huh#asks#Anonymous#obviously its a massive step up from league both aesthetics wise and like. as a cohesive narrative#i hate you vi undercut/dreadlocks you are so nasty#but i read like this short except drabble from her bio on the website and. look im sorry#i kind of like that she fucking sucks#it gives her a direction at least#like theyre trying to align arcane violet with the choices of a version of her that seems completely antithetical#but again i cant even get that deep into it we dont know how long her fucking enforcer phase will last!#a month? a year? who knows! we dont even know if she likes it#and LoL vi clearly revels in that kind of violence#idk something about her shittiness made her more engaging#whatever i hope in season two she loses so many fights its important to me actually#like its insane this is going to sound so fucking mean but i like her less bc she wins so goddamn much#i compare her to like. gideon nav obviously but also the protagonist of monkey man#and both of those things kind of emphasize those characters losing Hard. chapter 2 of gtn is her getting her ass beat#it just makes the wins later more satisfying#but idk maybe its supposed to be balanced by her emotional losses but the story feels so. removed from it?#spent like 7 years in prison we see none of it she comes out of there like she wasnt incarcerated in an adult facility since age 15#and now a girl she spent at the LONGEST a week with but probably closer tk 2-3 days is the same level of emotional import as her sister#SHAKING the writers i am not SOLD why is she LIKE THIS#cough. anyway
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chapters 51 and 58 of bloodmarked are absolutely CARRYING bree/nick/selwyn polyamory truthers
#selwyn is kind of a stupid name I realized as I was typing this. like I've gotten used to it over 2 books but it's so silly. selwyn#anyway. me disappearing for days and only showing up for like 30 minutes to reblog 3 things#and make a nigh incomprehensible post letting you guys know what book I'm reading now (read. I finished it yesterday actually.#now I'm rereading legendborn bc I'm apparently not ready to move on to a new book and also I forgot most of the shit from that book)#anyway I've been on the polyamory train for these 3 since I read legendborn in 2020 but I swear it's only gotten stronger#like what do you MEAN selwyn (magically oathed to protect nick) FEELS SAFER with nick around#THE SAME WAY BREE DOES. AND BOTH SELWYN AND NICK LIKE. AGREE ON HOW MUCH THEY LOVE BREE. AND THERE'S NO WEIRD JEALOUSY ABOUT IT#AND SELWYN CANONICALLY WAS AT ONE POINT IN LOVE WITH NICK????#AND NICK LITERALLY SAYS TO SEL “I CAN'T LOSE YOU AND I WON'T LOSE HER”????#LIKE?????#THERE IS NO WAY THIS IS YOUR STANDARD ASS LOVE TRIANGLE IT'S GOTTA BE AT LEAST A LITTLE POLYAMORUS#IF NOT A FULL TRIANGLE BREE SHOULD AT *LEAST* GET 2 BOYFRIENDS. SHE DESERVES IT#even if it does end up a standard love triangle though this is honestly a genuinely good one#like I genuinely like both love interests neither of them are weird or annoying or creepy about her#anyway. need book 3 out as soon as possible I swear to god I almost can't see how this ends in monogamy#I'm talking about the legendborn series by tracy deonn btw everyone#another arthurian inspired book series which if you saw my other post the other day I swear this isn't intentional#legendborn#bloodmarked#the legendborn cycle#tracy deonn#bree matthews#nick davis#selwyn kane
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You know, my whole thing with believing Eddie fell first and Buck will inevitably fall harder comes back a lot to the way I think people misuse the trope. A fell first/B fell harder for me was never about the actual intensity of the feeling but more about how the characters handle it. A has been feeling it for longer so they know how to contain it better than B, because usually B is hit with it in a way they can't hide it, which I personally think is the most fun interpretation of it all. You can play with canon and say Eddie has been aware of something as early as the tsunami, even if I believe he named the feeling during the shooting, so it's really easy to make Eddie look like he's been coming to terms with his feelings for a while. You can very easily put intent behind Eddie's feelings going back as far as stuck. To be the one who fell first you need a level of awareness of your own feelings that Buck just simply does not have. Sure you can play with the idea of Buck feeling some form of attraction for Eddie since they met, but Buck is bad at identifying feelings, so you can't really give him the "I'm at peace with my feelings" thing as easily as you can with Eddie. Because, personally, I think Buck took what was definitely a crush and labeled it as admiration and never looked at it again, because Buck is scared of defining things because he exists in fear of being abandoned. If he doesn't look at it, he can't want it, if he doesn't want it, it can't be taken away. He has a very specific way of looking at love that will make him never look too closely at what he and Eddie have. But that also means that if he ever does catch up, it will be bursting out of him in a way he can't control. Because Buck never dealt with big feelings, so that would hit him hard. And also because Buck feels things in a big way, so it would take over. If Buck knew, it's not the type of thing you can miss. But Eddie is really good at pretending things aren't there which makes it easier for him to act as if the romantic side of his feelings for Buck won't matter in the grand scheme of things. I don't really think Eddie is at peace with his feelings, mostly because I don't think Eddie has ever felt at peace about anything ever, but also because I think the cemetery made him think no amount of waiting is gonna get Buck on the same page as him and he doesn't want to ask for it and risk being wrong, so the easiest route is to pretend it's not there, even more considering he thinks he's watching Buck fall in love with someone else, so he needs to find peace with whatever he can get. So Eddie doesn't think Buck can feel the same, leading him to not ask for what he wants, and Buck just doesn't know how to name it.
Anyway you should read my Eddie fell first essay.
#i think the cemetery dug up some shannon trauma for eddie yk?#like he thought things were going one way and she asked for a divorce#and he thought things were going one way with buck and he just came all she sees me and he made that about himself not being enough#again#because it is what he takes from what shannon said even if what shannon said was that she didn't know how to be a wife#she never blamed eddie but eddie made it about something he couldn't give her#not something she had to deal with#and its the same as the cemetery with buck#buck is telling him he needs to work his shit out but what eddie is hearing is that he's not enough#so hes all back off and move on so he wont get hurt again#but hes in too deep with buck#theres no alternative where he loses buck and he doesn't get hurt#so hes in a very weird place in my opinion#i have so many feelings about that cemetery talk you have no idea how long i can go over those 3 minutes sokaoskaoskasasok#anyway#911 meta#buddie thoughts#911
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who knew that some agere people would be the worst type of people to exist (talking about you spinny)
#dont get your toddler army to do your anon hate and unblock me on discord if u want to talk#ik you act like a baby and thats fine but if youre bold enough to try to get me paranoid (and fail) then u should be bold enough to dm me#yknow without hiding yourself#either do that or leave us alone girl!! move on#like why do you preach about moving on to a new era and then actively seek out trouble ????#get a job or something#trying to make me think my bf is cheating on me is such a weird thing to do and a big low for you spinny. it's actually sad#the worst part youre not even good at doing it. youre making shit up from what you THINK you know & hiding behind ur friend#its okay to fall out of friendships and im not even trying to meddle with your life but you are literally actively seeking out problems#and thats so pathetic. especially when you paint yourself all high and might over us ??? clearly we tried everything for you#until we got to a point where we were literally drowning because we have other shit in our lives too#you keep losing friends and complain about it. maybe consider why??? because of lack of communication and empathy!! youre just mean!#especially to those who've always tried so hard to have your back and defend you! (buka and me!!!)#yet you didnt care. you dont communicate and expect us to read minds & you demand things#and u say that a real friend should know when to reach out & ya but when it gets to a point where i feel like im drowning? no thanks#im prioritizing myself and my mental health im sorry#not to mention i was ALWAYS IN THE MIDDLE IN YOUR BULLSHIT#so grow up. actually. and if you wanna dm me then unblock me and we can talk#if you want to keep hiding behind your toddler friends acting like youre all small and sweet and babies then go ahead but leave us alone?#at least ill have closure and finally come to terms that you're not rlly a good person and u use your illnesses to excuse ur behavior#because i still think about you and wish you were our friend but after everything thats happened (this being the cherry on top for ME)#then maybe you really just are a shitty person and you do more harm than good#soz to everyone else reading this just continue scrolling LOL#its drama cus an ex friend is sending their toddler militia on me for some reason???#delete later
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I need to be put in a waffle iron or something
#i am. really stressed!!#i hate being online i keep losing friends#Majority of them did shitty stuff to me and it makes me so sad#I already have trust problems so when people come and say theyll always be here for me and then the next thing i know im blocked because i#Expressed my discomfort about something shitty they did it makes those trust issues even worse#We were pretty close and now i regret telling him shit because he could use it against me#And im starting to fall out with my “best friend” irl. Everything is making me sick#I can’t do this anymore I really want to disappear#There has to be something about me so repulsive to people#That i just turn them away#its gonna be like that for the rest of my life isnt it? I probably wont even get a partner in the future#I just don’t know why I fuck up every friendship so bad even if it wasnt. My fault#I shouldve kept my mouth shut even if i was uncomfortable#my last friendships ended like this too#I caused a huge server fight by saying I was uncomfy and I’m pretty sure everyone hates me now because of it#even though some said they werent#I am just really lonely and feel like a piece of shit#Because I am one#I don’t really know if I want to keep being here anymore#I genuinely think nobody likes me#Even when I was in school nobody liked me#I was the “weird girl”#I just wish I was normal and likeable and then maybe I’d have friends irl#I don’t know what’s wrong with me and I’ve considered suicide over it multiple times#I ruin everything#My friendships. My life. My parents marriage. My art. Everything.#I doubt anyone will read this or gaf so just. ignore me
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One of my big compulsions is taking a fuck ton of screenshots Just In Case a piece of information is important in like 4 years and I can't remember it (sometimes the information is an instagram post that I might not remember later and of course needs to be recorded everywhere (I will Not be looking at that again)) so today is my transfer 16000 images off my phone admin day (woo)
Like yeah I never looked at any of them and they were completely irrelevant to my daily life, But what if I need them ✨️ later ✨️ (you'll see that the idea of Later is doing a lot of heavy lifting here) OR what if there's a vital piece of information in the mix somewhere that I'll lose forever if I delete them? So: onto the external hard drive they go
This is one of those cases where. Yeah. Ideally I wouldn't take 16000 screenshots in half a year. And YEAH ideally I'd just delete them and not transfer them somewhere else to never look at again. BUT at least I get a clean slate and I can maybe not mindlessly save everything for 2 seconds. It's like. Small wins? Progress. Yknow.
#rangnar rambles#i also use my tumblr drafts this way which is how i have probably 2000 drafts for this blog that are just? like me saving a post for 'later#and then theres too many in my drafts for me to even find *MY* drafts#i need to just hard reset the draft function bc its literally unusable for me#'matt this is all irrational and weird' by god. my irrational thoughts disorder makes me do weird shit? are you fr rn??? 😨😨#i get so stupidly in my own head and then i dont make progress towards Anything#even like a fun sideblog where i can actually yknow. post that 2k nightmare? i just cringe myself out like a dumbass 😔#i feel like ocd thoughts always sound lame out loud (and in my head to myself too)#like the Urgency doesnt come across#like in the moment i am Completely convinced that my national insurance number and bank deets are in there somewhere#and theres suddenly no way on earth i could ever find them again if i delete the picture. so to the hard drive they go#i Would go through that whole thing if i suddenly needed a screenshot from 2019 btw. like the crazy isnt theoretical#ive hallucinated gas leak smells before and woken up my flatmates bc i couldnt convince myself i was over reacting#its just cus the seasons have changed that everythings ramping up but omg its hard to do anything but spiral nowadays#thats a little dramatic but i am losing like. a quarter of the day to my ocd#its like. not great 😬#im not back to convincing myself i gave my dad cancer but i am not letting myself use half the kitchen again#but eh soo la voo we ball#HAH i checked my drafts after this and i was lowballing so hard#5.7k on this blog. 12k on my main 💀. its not funny but it kind of is#this is why youll never catch me running a queue#this is such a miserable post but i do feel the need to not let it sit in the drafts pile. to prove the point i guess 💀💀💀#'no one gives a shit this is your blog' 'oh my GOD WHAT IF PEOPLE GIVE A SHIT' <- omg shut upppp youre so embarassing 🙄#one more time for the gallery: i am like. aware that these feelings are irrational. like i am fine it just takes time for reality to kick in#ANYWAYS what was that who said that that was so weird im gonna go look at old romantic era paintings now#if tam is a screenshot fiend in the next fic u know what happened
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I fucking HATE how the fandom treats m.ine. it's so bad 😭
#ash rambles 💚#so many shitty takes... too much time on twitter ruins a man#i hear one more person call him a crazy obsessive yandere and i think I'm actually gonna lose it#he's either portrayed like that or as one half of a ship#his actual character is lost on so many people because oOoOOoOOooOoO mInE wAs GaY#i dont doubt that he likes men. it's just that I've seen so many people be weird about it-#also. it's not fucking sexy to wanna kill your partner. a bullet between the eyes isn't an act of love.#I saw a tweet today about how m.ine actually wanted to kill k.iryu because he thought d.aigo liked k.iryu romantically#and m.ine only wants d.aigo to himself. and THAT'S why m.ine wanted to kill k.iryu.#let that sink in. 😐.#i hate how the fandom treats him SO MUCH#i will sit in my corner here. and i will kiss m#m.ine. and we will kiss a lot. and things are good. we are happy. we are far away from all of that.#I'm not saying every fan of his is horrible. I've seen a lot of great stuff and content! but holy shit I've seen some horrible stuff too#and it's hard to not feel like I'm doing something wrong by shipping with him. by loving a guy who the world has always hated.#and ofc I'm not! but still! even whenever i rb content of him here I'm always so afraid ajdhajsj#like ah yes this is the day i finally get cancelled on tumblr dot com for (checks notes) ... shipping with y.oshitaka m.ine??#I'm honestly afraid to take him up to being an official f/o ajdhajsb i think he'll stay in crush jail a little while longer..#i hate how the fandom perceives him so much!!!!!!! i also just hate the y.akuza fandom in general lmao#i do also like k.iryu so.. I've seen shit 😐#I'll delete this later but oh boy i am in a mood#and i know this isnt the first time I've blogged about this#and for that i do apologize. but i really do love this guy and despite wanting to look for content of him i always end up finding the most#infuriating shit!#i know he's done fucked up things. he's not a great guy. but! our relationship is built on mutual trust and i will NEVER write any of that#creepy obsessive shit that the stupid fandom always portrays him as doing! he's not going to kill someone for getting too close to me-#I'm just... upset- get behind me honey! I'll shield you!#and by kissing him I'm not brushing over any of the shit he does in the game. yes he beheaded that guy. yeah he slapped that orphan.#but i adore him and omg i hit tag limit... oopsie daisy lol sorry guys 😭 I'm really sorry for always talking abt this#you were beautiful 💸
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attention spans dont real lmao. nothing about the condition or support needs of yr adhd can be measured by measuring yr attention span because the nature of adhd is that attention span is incredibly variable. this is bc adhd is characterized by dopamine seeking behavior and not just a timer until we get bored and go on our phones
#attention span is also variable regardless of the perceived value of the activity#im sure i could pay attention longer scrolling tumblr than in a class. and in that scenario the class would be more valuable to me#but i also concentrate better on swimming (intense exercise) than busywork in school (serves no purpose to me)#thats to say that we arent stereotypical defiant kids who dont want to do anything but play video games#the internal experience of adhd is needing a higher level of motivation and satisfaction to initiate difficult tasks#so mundane things are almost always harder than for someone who doesnt have executive function#ill put it really bluntly. yes more so than usual. take cover#adhd isnt tiktok brain. some of us lose jobs over this shit. some of us cut ourselves over this shit. some of us cannot function.#it is not and will never be a 'man up and get off instagram reels' disorder. it will exist no matter what i do. adhd is part of me#and on many things the world needs to make concessions to us. sorry!#it may not seem like much from an outsiders perspective to 'build back yr attention span'#but when im constantly fucking up and constantly reminded of how my executive dysfunction + lack of focus hurt me#its kind of weird to think that building back my attention span hasnt occurred to me#dont remember who said this but if you dont feel the wind its blowing in yr direction#(this is not a rebuttal to a popular post this is my addition to the discourse about adhd surrounding it)
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Y’all is Hollow Knight hard or do I just suck because oh my god??
#not gonna inflict my ramblings onto someone else’s post so just making a text post for myself#but oh my god#what the fuck?#maybe I’m not a hardcore metroidvania fan but I like them well enough#do I suck that badly at games now?? am I old to the point that my hands can’t do this shit????#did I just somehow fuck myself at some point???#because wow this feels kind of sadistic????#and not even in the fun kind of way?????#like I think I’d rather submit myself to fear and hunger again rather than continue where I am now in hk#idk maybe I’m missing something#but I just got wall jump and was so happy until I fell down to where you can challenge those mantis dudes#got myself out of there but then as I was exploring northwest I keep dying and reviving from the fucking bouncy balls over water#and the normal mantis mobs are also kicking my ass?#and dont even get me started on the weird tentacley nuclear bomb mushroom things those are just bullshit#AND THEN AS I WAS HAVING A GOOD TIME EXPLORING HEADING TOWARDS A SAVE BENCH I GET DROPPED INTO DEEPNEST??????#WHAT KIND OF JUMPSCARE BULLSHIT??????????#AND THE FUCKING COCKROACHES THAT NEVER SEEM TO STOP SPAWNING KILL ME#and then I see how fucking far back I’ve been dropped in the corner of fungal wastes#and I try jumping through the fucking bouncy balls again#and I die and lose my money#I can’t fucking do this shit anymore y’all holy fucking shit#the number of times I’ve died and restarted from that fucking fungal wastes bench I am so sick of it 💀#legit I think this is the first time I’ve rage quit a game#it’s been a while since a game’s actually made me this angry I want to fucking throw something 😂#the willpower and self control I needed to not chuck my pro controller across the room…#if I didn’t have neighbors and a unit below me I’d be throwing shit for sure though#but instead I must smack pillows against my mattress in a rage 😂#I think I hate the ‘go back to where you died to get back your money’ punishment system… like legit I actually really really hate it.#I do think the game is fun and I know I’ll probably quickly gain the money… but it feels like the game’s telling me I fucking suck lmao#suffice to say I will not be playing any more hollow knight for the foreseeable future 💀
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Why did my cooking dream get hijacked by my brain making a William Afton oc and au what was that about.
#luly talks#my dreams#I'll peace like i can recollect it was weird#bc it literally was ME BUYING GROCERIES W MY DAD but then the line between when we ended and Michael and William started blurred#i remember the grocery store very well also bc it was very similar to the one i go always to but smaller and more sepia#it was dark for a grocery store like it was just letting sunlight in#pears were half off like some black friday offer so all the products were suuuper cheap#i saw one bottle of milky pear juice for like 1k. and the same w these 4 stacks of frozen waffles who were like 1070.#or this bottle of pear pancake mixture that had 2 or 4 lts#it was kind of when i went away that thr lines started blurring so let me tell you what i remember about this Afton:#he didnt seem. murderous. he was grocery shopping w his kid for fuck's sake 😭 i think he was even sitting somewhere while i ran back and#forth taken aback by these offers? like kinda dismissive at best#uh. Henry was brought up believe it or not. it was like... they broke up or something? like he was kinda upset about the mention but like#in a i dont want to explain why im not with him rn sort of way#very insecure he seemed. like he run into this woman who might've been someone but idk who was whom asked sbout henry and bro was SWEATING#you'd say dream william was a fucking loser he just got locked in thinking like what do i say and HOW do i say it#to make it sound casual but also not weird.#bc on top of all he also seemed to have some weird gender things going on bc he first instinct when trying to explain himself to the woman#(who i cannot stress enough was super friendly like a fucking neighbor or something just going hey hi! hows da family? ^_^)#was to refer to them both as girls as this jokey comradery Let's Ignore The Topic thing before going No That's Bad I Can't Say That#this whole internal monologue in my dream happened in a sort of comic panel thing btw where shit went from these warm browns and greens and#shit from the grocery store to jarring black and whites and reds as William tried to have a straight thought#looks wise unfortunately not a lot going on.though considering this was literally my dream getting turned over can we say my Afton is argie#something something my turn stealing from them etc etc or whatever#uh. brown hair. but not too dark. it was greying and that was making it lighter. also very angular face as you'd expect#high cheekbones pretty eyebrows no facial hair. hair was a bit longuish tho? like a messy ear length maybe?#he had a button up w buttons lose bc it's so hot and humid rn also sunglasses which i know 100% was influenced bc the last design i rbed#a little.before napping#also he had age makes too though his age was most visible in his scrawny long exposed neck#me/mike change was minimal bc we're both pale and brunette hit tag limit so hope y'all like my brain's oc i guess 😭
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Someone needs to put me down like a sick dog
#i tried to vacuum my bedroom like a good and functional adult and my vacuum IMMEDIATELY refused to pick up ANYTHING whatsoever#like not even dust. not even microscopic dust#checked the roller thing and it’s just absolutely clogged with hair. absolutely nonfunctional with what looks like more hair than is on my#head currently. SO MUCH FOR HAIR WRAP TECHNOLOGY#i have had a shitty bob for as long as i’ve had this vacuum this cannot be real#if i truly am losing hair en masse why do i still look like coconut head. answer me that#so i was like fine. i’ll fix it later. let me change my bed#tell me why one of the straps on my mattress protector is broken??????#i’ve dumped all my bedding on the landing so i can lie here and scream for a bit because why. whyyyyyy#this was supposed to be a good day. my weed gummies and suetonius both arrived#i was going to clean up and go for a run and then come back; shower; make myself a nice tofu stir fry and get baked#but it is SO stupidly hot today and all my shit seems to be determined to break#at least nothing weird happened while i was cleaning the fridge. that was really nice actually#i did have to wash the vegetable drawer because an ice pop had leaked all over the bottom of it. but you can’t have everything#(i don’t want to hear any comments about how i keep ice pops in my vegetable drawer. my freezer is like the size of one singular pea#where am i SUPPOSED to keep ice pops)#personal
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Oh mind electric we're really in it now.
#Cade.Txts#i think about tht song all the time.#when they say: Someone help me / Understand what's Going on Inside my Mind! / Doctor I can't tell if I'm Not Me!#I felt tht shit#like man.................me too.#idk tht bit of lyrics has always kinda hit me hard specifically.#Anyways how is everyone doin. sorry I don't ;ost much anymore.#I am posting on my stimblog mostly now BHINJGFDNI if u wanan see stimboards check it out.#im doing a series of stimboards on my favorite pokemon#so far got two boards out already d:)#Wanna keep working on it but i should also make gifs of stuff.#been kind of stressed by shit lately thts unrelated. worried about bigfoot.#he's been acting weird lately. real sluggish n tired. his teeth are bad- n we need to take him to get them checked#but it cost like. 600 to just get a few teeth taken from our dog frankie.#s o. -slides stimboard commission post on my stimblog- /nf#dont like advertising it. feels weird making things for money but if he does need teeyh removed#idk any other way i could make money for it.#hes just got me worried. he's a old man- even tho i always forget he is-#thinking about losing him scares me. am probably rly over thinking shit- he's old course he sleeps n lays around a lot.#but im stil worried.#ANYWHO. stimboard grind 24/7
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#death //#really tho just. losing two family members within a week from one another is. really rough#even if it is from natural causes and old age it still feels very sudden#and even if we werent that close it still hurts#little things remind me of the grandparents i dont have anymore. like making dinner and realizing im not eating their cooking again#or my grandmas favorite songs. its just. rough#im just thinking a lot. and not looking forward to two funerals within the next few weeks#just.. yeah. i feel kinda fucked up on the inside. more so than usually but for once not cause of myself#its. odd to me. grief hasnt really been constant in my life in years. apart from losing my brothers cat few years ago#before that i lost my other grandma like eleven years ago. since then immediate family has been okay#its just weird. i dont really know how to grief. it comes in waves and odd memories and it feels really.. idk. off to me#ive had few crying fits over some random things but i just feel. numb. maybe its cause of the sudden frequency of these#or cause i dont know how to deal. its strange to me. feels out of place to mourn something other than what i made myself lost#maybe its cause while there was a connection there was a larger disconnection. i havent seen either of them since covid started#idk. regrets and shit and whatnot. i just feel all but nothing at the same time#just. just saying. idk. just wanna clean my brain a little. its been a difficult day. sorry#night is an absolute mess on main
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