#this is a stream of consciousness post

[jimmyscanongf]

kill me or whatever but the more i think about it, i really like jimmy as a character and i do not get the people who pretend like he doesnt exist. hes a rapist and an all around awful fucking person but hes also the main character. hes the axis on which the whole story turns. i also think people who label him as a monster or pure evil are having a media comprehension moment because to me he is very fucked up in a very human way, and i think thats the whole point? he’s selfish and aggressive and demeaning and envious and resentful and guilty and has a massive inferiority complex and does heinous things but hes also just. a fucking guy. hes so real. he’s a massive piece of shit but not cartoonishly evil and thats why i like his character. he really could be anyone. you probably have encountered a guy like this in real life. and all in all this is a horror story and jimmy is the driver of the horror and if you go wahhhh im gonna pretend the horrifying things dont exist why are you playing a horror game?

[cringevalue]

older eddie renting out a room in his house to college students with purely innocent intentions and college student steve renting eddie's room with purely nefarious intentions

eddie just wants to help out because he knows some people can't afford housing so he puts comfy furniture, a mini fridge, and a microwave in the room and posts about it on facebook, only asking for a couple hundred a month at best and for the student to not trash his house. steve doesn't care about the comfy furniture or the mini fridge or the microwave or the cheap rent. he sees eddie's profile picture and decides it is now his life's mission to gag on that man's dick.

eddie doesn't even consider that steve might be flirting with him for like two months because he truly is not renting his room out so he can have sex with college students. that idea is absurd. yeah, steve is a little touchy but whatever. some people just like to touch. so eddie is entirely oblivious that steve is flirting but he's very nice and charming and steve thinks he's flirting back so he makes a move and eddie is like "WOAH WOAH WOAH steve what are you doing" and steve is like "??? making a move?" and eddie sits on the couch with his head in his hands just contemplating everything and after a long while of silence he finally looks up at steve and says "i'm not a creep. i don't sleep with college students" and steve smiles and bats his eyes and says "i can change that" and eddie gets a boner and promptly freaks out because steve is too young he's practically a baby but steve is over there biting his lip trying to look all seductive and eddie is thinking "lord help me" because it's working. steve is too good at this.

eventually eddie caves and tells steve they can have sex ONE time and that's IT because surely that will either cure steve's horniness or make him see that eddie isn't worth it.

they fuck nasty at least three times a day after that.

[slushglow]

the price of your mercy

[borealing]

the first time gihun nearly cracks a smile in the games is when inho calls him by his name and then goes oh i just wanted to try calling you by your name.. do you mind? which raises the two incredible questions of 1. was that a slip of the tongue and if yes, does inho call him gihun when he thinks about him? not player 456, even though that's how the frontman addresses him? and 2. was gihun actually suspicious for a second there or was he completely appeased by the idea that a random guy in the games is trying to speedrun being his bestie given what happened last time (everyone he was friends with died)

i really wonder how badly the games traumatised gihun, like hes meeting these new people and expecting them to die within days. he meets them and has mourned them before he knows their names. he nearly cracks a smile when someone becomes his friend despite the pre-emptive grief he must be feeling. it just speaks to the kind of man he is, trusting to a fault and desperate for any kind of connection

[plounce]

why was bashir a closeted homosexual in the 23rd century? like dude it's fine you can relax. actually wait the tense here is kinda funny. i used past tense because ds9 is from the 90s and i watched it in 2021 so in both cases it's from the past in my view. but when talking about a text you speak in the present: why IS bashir a closeted homosexual in the 23rd century? but the statement is half about how ds9 takes place in the scifi future: why WILL bashir be a closeted homosexual in the 23rd century?

[katherinemckay]

for good trailer really has me thinking about how excited i am to see act 2 glinda fully explored in a deeper and more up-close way like think of the material. being kinda forced into a regime role because you didn't have what it takes to be a fugitive and then settling into the comfort and praise of that role but still coming to the realization it's not what you Really want. and you regret what you've lost but you have to keep up the facade because your status is your only asset. and you're losing faith in a system you once believed in while still having hope that you can do good from the inside, but you're wondering how much good you're actually doing. and things keep spiraling further out of control and you know you're complicit in everything and hurting the one person you truly love. but you still feel like you have to play your part because there are people who look to you for comfort, and your entire life you've believed image and reputation are everything and you just can't give that up yet. and when you finally Are ready to really throw it all away for what's right, you realize you can't because you can only actually help by staying in a position of power. so now you'll live the rest of your life trying to actually make that change, but you can't tell the truth about anything you've learned, and you're doomed to be alone because you could never truly leave it all behind. you'll always regret that first choice, and yet you never could have chosen differently because it's who you are. save me ariana grande as adult glinda save me

[being-of-rain]

I am dreading RTD doing some form of ridiculous retcon with Susan. If he does, then chances are I'll do the same thing as when Marc Platt revealed that she was the granddaughter of the Other and when Eric Saward revealed that she was a descendant of Rassilon. Which is to say, ignore- wait a second, did Rassilon and the Other fuck or

[magnificentmicrowave]

KLEPTOMONICA_002

[perplexingly]

I don't know how to word it properly but my favourite thing about the kcd series is the way the vengeance story is portrayed through Henry's hit list evolving at every step

In kcd1 the very top entry of the quest log (which stays at the very top thorough the entire game) is the "Vengeance: You must find Markvart Von Aultiz and avenge your parents" quest. Initially Markvart is the only name, but then Runt is added, then Runt is dealt with and Istvan is next.

In kcd2, if you choose to talk with Istvan before dealing with him, Henry also adds Von Bergow and Erik to his kill list, and Istvan teases about who is next - Sigismund?

It really gives off that feeling of vengeance causing this endless spiral of violence, that after each name is crossed out, it only causes you to add more names.

I think that's also a big reason I prefer leaving Markvart alive - the only way to stop the spiral is to walk away

[heartorbit]

revstar emu save me

[p0rk-guts]

Yapping about The Stolas Animation™️ everyone's been in a tizzy about because this is MY blog and I get to treat it like my personal diary.

Not going into the surrounding drama of the video because i hate drama and it's always a fucking headache. I'm gonna talk about the content of the animation, the song, and my interpretation of them together!!! (Contains discussions of suicide. Obviously)

First off. THE ANIMATION IS AMAZING. But you already knew that. The portrayal of Stolas we see for the first two thirds of it is clearly something dissimilar to his portrayal throughout the entire series thus far—much more callous and cold than playful and cheeky like we knew him to be—so to me it seemed like a portrayal of how Blitz sees Stolas and how he thinks Stolas truly felt of feels about him. Especially since each of those scenes was interjected with clips of Blitzo staggering through that white empty mind scape with the golden feathers like we saw when he was tripping and imagining him in truth seekers.

I also love how the lyrics so perfectly line up to what's happening—"who's gonna rescue you when you're lost at sea? Who's gonna love you if it isn't me?" These lyrics precede clips where Moxxie and Millie— who HAVE rescued him and who WILL love him even if Stolas won't— showing us how Blitz is so deep in his self hatred that he can't even see that despite thinking he isn't loved or worthy of loving that he IS.

The clips of Stolas are more than just Blitz's mind fucking with him though, for us we see just how ironic it is that Stolas could be saying any of this in the FIRST place. "Who's gonna rescue you when you're lost at sea": Stolas NEVER rescued Blitz in any way! (Headcanon here but) Stolas' obsessive yearning for him just made Blitz mirror those feelings of affection in late season 2 (because there were NO signs of Blitz reciprocating or feeling anything other than disdain and ANNOYANCE for Stolas initially)! He wanted that equally returned love and not to once again miss expectations and miss what he saw as his fleeting chance for love!

Anyways anyways ranted and got off topic. If anything Blitz was always the one rescuing Stolas. I also think it's interesting that that lyric fell on a clip of Stolas mocking at one of the goetia parties despite the fact that he was always miserable at them. You could even say that Blitz trying to steal the book -> their night together -> Stolas divorcing Stella was some roundabout instance of Blitz "rescuing" Stolas from his loveless marriage. But that's more of a crazy take I think Stolas would have floating around in his head

And my FAVORITE line of the animatic (and probably the whole song)— "And who's gonna love you if it isn't me?". Obviously. Like we said. He has love surrounding him already! Even in Loona too I guess! Pairing this lyric with Stella wrapped around his arm looking withdrawn while he stands front and center not even acknowledging her?? From the fictitious Blitz perspective we're shown, I saw this as Blitz seeing himself as an unnecessary stain in Stolas' perfect pristine life. Technically, he's married, or was (does Blitz even know they're divorced??? Lol I don't remember), and his entire presence just detracts from this fictitious image of high class excellence and composure he had.

Meanwhile, Stolas did try to maintain their marriage the best he could, but he never loved Stella at every point in the story we've seen so far he doesn't consider her at all. Tbf, she's pretty abusive and insane, but he really did jump through hoops to excuse his cheating and later on didn't even consider how her presence in Octavia's life could affect her (these are all tied to greater issues with the show ignoring Stella's existence but I digress).

Stella is just a prop in this image. She was just a tool for Paimon to get Stolas to produce an heir and keep the goetia conveyor belt moving, and likely even a tool to her own (largely) absent family so she could be used to grow familial wealth and status. Beyond her "liking to torment him", she's never shown to have ANY other feelings about. Anything really. Other than what, liking parties? Her reserved portrayal alludes to her having more feelings and thoughts about everything happening around her but whether it's to keep up appearances or to deny her own emotions, she stifles it all. 100% get how everyone's been saying her .2 seconds of screentime here characterize her more than the entire show does.

Then we switch gears to the real Stolas, getting dressed in something very similar to Paimon's clothes (which someone else pointed out I did NAWT notice that on my own). I have two (ish) theories on what this was about but I'm not sold on them so feel free to tell me what you think this was all about.

Maybe Stolas was putting the clothes on for some unrelated event—some goetian responsibility he forgot he was supposed to attend to— or maybe it was something like him reminiscing on all he's lost after the divorce and the trial (if this takes place post trial. Not sure). One of these maybe, or he got dressed up specifically for his suicide. I could see his romantic and fanciful nature driving him to do something like that.

(didn't have much to say on the portraits around him all turning into Blitz. It's a pretty straightforward showing of his mental decline and destructive obsession. Overall fantastic detail I missed on the first watch)

Then, when he kills himself, he chose to do it in the middle of the street, directly across from and FACING I.M.P.'s place of residence. Which is. Insane to me. Placing it there felt so purposeful with the light glinting off of the horns on the building. Was it meant to be a "look what you made me do" type deal? Some sort of final "fuck you" for all Blitz had done ("""making""" Stolas love him and then not reciprocating)? A last desperate attempt to be seen and acknowledged?

Well who knows fr but that's all my analysis for the animation. Dwinni ate down idc. This was a peak fandom event honestly. But yeah uh what do YOU 🫵🏾 think

[txmxkis]

thinking deeply about nipple play with rafayel... .. . .. you feel particularly desperate, just pent up enough to push him down. sit on top of him. it's not your fault he walked into the room without a shirt on, still hot and damp from the shower.

he makes a noise of surprise, the beginning of a laugh bubbling up in his throat until he sees the look on your face, silenced immediately by the palpable desire almost radiating off of you. he starts to feel a little flustered. your eyes are so locked in on him he doesn't think he can move for fear of setting you off.

he starts to say something, a sentence that may have been a question but is wholly unimportant now as you move your fingers to his chest. he doesn't dare to breathe, and the line you draw up his torso with your fingertips traps the air in his lungs anyways. sort of unsure what their destination is, until you stop over his nipples, staring intently for a moment.

there's a beat of silence and stillness, and then you brush your fingers over them. gently, at first, but more intense by the second. all the while, he lies underneath you, little gasps and mewls escaping his lips, heat rising to his face, embarrassed to be so susceptible to this. to you.

he's unsure if he'll be able to keep any semblance of his composure.

unsure until you lean down, almost licking your lips in hunger, bringing them to his chest to suck and nibble, and he loses control immediately. voice growing louder, whining and moaning, jaw hung open ever so slightly. the blush on his cheeks spreads to his ears, turning a deeper shade of red, and he clings to you, grasping at you anywhere he can for something stable to hold onto.

lathing your tongue over them, soaking them in your saliva, pulling back a little to blow air. make him crazy. chest practically heaving with pleasure. he catches the smirk on your lips just before you lower your head again and doesn't have time to wonder about it before you nip harder at one of them, pinching the other at the same time. he cries out, hips bucking up into you desperately, and he fleetingly wonders if you'll ever let up.

he hazily decides that he doesn't really want you to.

[son-of-avraham]

I've been doing a lot of reflection as of late, especially after this past class.

This past class was about the Torah and Tanakh in general, and the way the rabbi talked about the commandments (specifically the ten commandments) has made me really reflect on how I interpret them, specifically the fifth commandment, or honoring your mother and father.

This is a commandment I have wrestled with for a long time - in fact, it brought me away from g-d at multiple times. I was severely abused when I was incredibly young by my mother, and I used to feel insulted at the implication that I were to honor her while she got to live a better life. It was hypocritical, in my eyes.

But this rabbi surmised that this particular commandment was because parenthood is an act of creation, something that is like the g-d from which we come from. My realization is this: I don't think we're necessarily meant to take even these commandments literally.

I this particular commandment is more of a call to honor creation - creation is a gift, and like any gift, many people simply will not like it and will discard it. The person who abused me created me, but she did not honor creation. She didn't honor me, but I can still honor it.

I have started to honor creation much more. I'm too young, too unstable, not mature enough to be a father (though I fantasize about it), but I create all the time. I create relationships, I create with my hands through crochet. I create memories, I create my world. And I can honor who I am and where I came from that made me who I am. I've been learning one of the mother tongues of my family (Italian, since part of my family originates there) and it was judaism that inspired me to do this.

I don't think g-d wants me to honor my abuser. I think He wants me to remember the Holy action of creation. When I am a father, that act of creation will be Holy, and indeed, I am already joyful about the thought.

I have seen many people struggle with this particular commandment, but I think this perspective helps me personally. I don't think I ever have to forgive my abusers (plural), and I don't think I am commanded to simply because they happened to be family. I am commanded to recognize the holy, to elevate the mundane. In doing so, I will remember g-d. Through creation, I honor g-d and everything he has done for us, for me, and for our collective people.

[celestielbeing]

bucks widower arc for 8b…obsessed. eddies picture dangling from the jeeps rearview mirror. buck at maddies and they’re making dinner and he’s like I just cant believe he’s gone *sniff* and maddie gives him a.. sympathetic but confused look and eddies voice comes out of the speaker of bucks phone lying face up on the counter, exasperated sigh “buck i wish you’d stop saying that…. hi maddie, thanks for looking out for this one while im gone!” and maddies like hi eddie! :) no problem, i know you know how he gets haha and eddie laughs like oh yeah like that meme i sent u! And maddie starts laughing yes exactlyyy and buck rips open the pasta package with such force noodles go flying everywhere. “Careful bud..” eddie says over the phone and him and maddie laugh and buck is mumbling maybe I’ll just make EDDIE the widower see how he likes it , and eddies like, maddie is he making you his chicken florentine? best in LA ive always told him, I already said it’ll have to be the first thing I eat when I get back💘” and buck looks up from sweeping the pasta , blushing and smiling “really eddie? 🥹”

[dramatic-dolphin]

elwing, elwing, elwing

you never had the luxury of safety. you are three years old when your father tells you to run. he puts the jewel around your neck because your hands are too small to hold it, and you try to cover its light so no one can see. your legs are too short; you get tired too soon. but you keep running.

your parents are dead. your kingdom is gone. your brothers are dead – they were just a head taller than you, they liked climbing trees and calling each other crown prince, and they are dead. you hold the hopes of a scattered people in your hand (around your throat, it shines so bright) as destruction draws ever closer. the land beyond your borders chokes in ash and drowns in poison. it will reach you too.

you don't have the luxury of safety. you don't even have the hope of the lands undying that await you beyond death. your father is dead, your brothers are dead, where are their spirits? are they lost to you? will you be lost to them forever? you don't know when you'll die. you don't know where you'll go when you do. (there is only one person alive who could ever hope to understand, and he is within reach. perhaps it was inevitable.)

you are just over thirty, barely grown, when death comes again, clad in red. it holds you at swordpoint and you look into the eyes of your mother's killer. your boys are the same age as your brothers once were, and there was no mercy to be found for them. how could you ever think there was hope? how could you think anything but death would await you? it was always there, dogging your steps from the very start. you throw yourself into the sea, wishing for the jagged cliffs–

and

you

soar.

your husband is here, the sea murmurs. your sons live. your mother waits for you. your prayers have been heard. the world will be set right.

you've never known safety. but if you choose the life of immortals, in the hallowed and peaceful lands beyond the sea, you'll have an eternity to learn it.

[basket-of-radiants]