#this is a rant that makes no sense probably?

[drewsephrry]

i spend the whole day watching part 2 and i...am shocked?

spoilers from here on now...

so for anyone that hasn't finished it yet, maybe scroll..

okay so i was honestly expecting larissa to be alive (not the hollis theory) but then i saw the dead body and was like oh, maybe not then!

jj deserved better parents, either way. i wanted to beat groff's ass throughout all of this

rafe's proposal was....i was screaming, crying, throwing up!! i wanted to be sofia so badly in that moment...

and then the writers had to fuck them up! i mean, it doesn't make sense, making her one of the main cast this season just for this to happen? very upset, calling my lawyers!!

topper and ruthie and even kelce can suck a d i c k!!

sarah being pregnant, honestly i expected that from the first part and we had all heard the rumors, seen the theories

rafe and sarah making up!!!!!!! again, cried so fucking much, especially when they hugged

rafe teaming up with the pogues was very unexpected but he had his arc redemption for sure now. kind of worried when they get back to obx and shoupe possibly arrests him for the murder of peterkin and god knows what else

jj's death, again i expected it after rudy posted the thank you stories and if i am being honest i don't think the writers decided to kill one of their most loved characters, but it was rudy who made that decision. we can't know for sure, of course, but that's just my guess. he didn't seem very into it in the interviews or the premiere or while filming..idk that just might be me

and okay, i thought that he would die, but i didn't expect groff to be the one to kill him. like yeah, he was a bad guy, murdered his wife, but killing jj too, after he gave him the crown?

and my poor baby kiara, madison portrayed her feelings so fucking well. give that girl a raise!!!

cleo and pope!!!! that's it. love them

sarah and john b were the fucking cutest! madelyn and chase are so professional, because if i did all those scenes with my ex......

AND WE GOT BARRY BACK. I MISSED HIS LITTLE ACCENT!!!

i am so sad that s5 won't have jj and his iconic one-liners. i am extremely sad s5 is the last season too, but i completely get it from everyone's perspective, the writers', the actors', netflix's. i cannot wait to see what they will make for us and we still get about 2 years with our cast that has now become a family

okay that's all. tomorrow i will probably rewatch just for funsies. hope you had a good time hearing my rant, watch s4 pt2 and you can send me anything you'd wanna talk about it!!! love you all, p4l -jo 🤍

[ashthewaterghoul]

As someone with dissociative issues, I cannot shut up about how much I love Copia’s dissociation in RHRN.

Just that flat-out refusal to accept the horrible facts of life (in this case Sister dying). His mind trying to manifest the reality he wishes for, and the confusion as he slowly sees what’s actually happening again.

The way how confused he is when he’s suddenly changed into his black robes.

The hazy way he sees reality and his own imagination blending (Sister being tended to by a doctor while he tries to ignore it).

The. Fucking. Balloon. Sequence.

Copia wants away from his problems, so his mind flies him away until he literally crashes back into reality.

The balloon was great way to show it bc I know when my issues start, it does feel like I’m floating, like I’m in a different realm to the rest of the world.

I love it all and how it was done. Tobias Forge, you are a GENIUS.

[lena-in-her-mind-palace]

I think people get so wrapped up in fanon that they forget the only time Tim was confirmed to be stalking the bats was the period immediately following Jason's death, and that was for evidence/blackmail purposes. Outside of that Tim really only follows Batman and Robin through whatever's in the news. You can see it in the little snippets of his dossier when he's talking to Dick and Alfred.

Without canon stalker Tim, Jason being "Tim's Robin" doesn't really have any basis. Don't get me wrong I eat those fics up because of the angst potential alone. But it's still important to remember that it's technically not canon for analysis purposes.

I mean come on, we all know Dick was totally Tim's Robin. But that's a rant for another time.

The point I'm trying to make is, Jason's Robin, outside of the general robin being a role model, wasn't really someone Tim looked up to, at least from what I can tell in the robin comics I've read (and I've read like half of Tim's original run). Tim did look up to Jason as a hero and as someone who's shoes Tim was trying to fill. But it makes more sense to me that Jason probably existed as more of a cautionary tale to Tim.

(Important sidenote: batman mistreating Tim in any way such as being harsher with Tim or mistaking him for Jason is also completely fanon. Bruce spends a lot of Tim's run afraid of scaring him off, likely because of what happened to Jason, and it lets Tim get away with defying Batman's orders a ridiculous amount of the time. This child had no respect for authority.)

So when we get to the whole Tim vs Jason, or ideologically, Gun batman vs Red Hood, it creates an interesting dichotomy.

Especially considering titans tomorrow was right after Identity Crisis which had followed Wargames. Basically Tim sees exactly what grief can turn him into immediately after losing one of his best friends, his girlfriend, and his dad in a short period of time (no wonder he dropped out).

I think Tim resenting Jason, in that context would make a ton of sense because like you said above, Jason as the red hood represents everything Tim hates about himself.

Although I do want to mention that I live for Jason and Tim's dynamic in later comics after red robin. They're brother's your honor.

can we talk about how Tim meets himself as gun batman who's entire philosophy is that sometimes you have to take extreme measures and the only way to stop crime is to control it. And then literally a few months later Jason shows up and the red hood operates on the exact same philosophy but in a more morally ambiguous way (re: not being a facist dictator tyrant)

[coddda]

Hiiiiiii. Episode 25/26 lawlight analysis rant thingy here. I don't know how to write an intro for this so let's just get to it LOL

I think one of the reasons that the rain/foot scenes stick out so much (the. Sheer insanity of a Foot Massage Scene in an anime revolving around two guys trying to kill each other aside 💀) is the fact that the anime specifically suffers a bit in terms of adapting a few of the "emotional" moments in death note.

And I don't mean "emotionally impactful" exactly. For example I think the adaptations of scenes like Raye and Naomi's deaths were very impactful and the atmospheres of their final scenes were great, but I mean more from a characterization standpoint (if that makes sense). Being more focused on mind and logic games, Death Note as a whole isn't as invested in individual characters' deeper feelings as it is in its action (which isn't necessarily a criticism per say, it's simply part of the nature of a mystery thriller series). But just because they're fewer and farther between doesn't mean there are none at all. In the manga we do get to see, for example, how much Light actually cared for his family and especially Sayu, and how he actually felt more conflicted and suffered lack of sleep/appetite when he first used the Death Note.

The anime specifically as an adaptation is pretty good at adapting the main mind fuckery and action of Death Note, but its lacking in properly adapting scenes like the ones I mentioned above is a criticism I see somewhat often, and it's pretty fair imo. Compared to all the other adaptations, it certainly seems to fall short on an emotional level: the musical has entire songs going in depth about the characters feelings and relationships, the 2015 jdrama is. Insane and has its emotional moments in spades (because it's a TV drama, which are more focused on portraying emotional conflict and the like), even the 2006 movies has its emotional beats and L Change the WorLd is. Well. Oh Man.

Anime Light to a lot of people is like. Light but he's "already evil" (which I have my own thoughts on but I digress). Light but after using the Death Note for like 2 minutes he's already like "fuck yeah time to kill criminals". Basically the anime doesn't take as much time to delve into his less cynical sides or really delve into his already vague and harder to decipher feelings in general, he is noticeably colder from the get-go here, etc.

But that's part of why I think episode 25 manages to stand out so much tonally (apart from it being, y'know, the episode L literally Dies). I love the episode so much and could probably rant for hours about how much I love the artistic choices made in it but what I'm trying to get at here is that it's one of the very few moments where the show tries to go deeper into specific character's emotions, and one of the very few moments where the show Attempts (emphasis on "attempts" because, well, you'll see in a bit) to get more in-depth into Light's feelings apart from his cynicism/apathy/justice. ness.

L in these two scenes in episode 25 is, well, pretty damn open about how he feels. It's usually interpreted as him knowing that he's going to die, and you can see it. He visibly looks/sounds lost, somber, etc. He never really had much to hide around Light to begin with (since he doesn't really care about hiding himself the same way Light does) but especially not now and it Shows, and I personally thought it was pretty cool to delve into his thoughts/show how he feels this way. The somberness can be felt throughout the entire scene, even people who don't already know the plot of Death Note from the manga could probably tell that he's about to die.

In the manga, once L starts suspecting Misa again and Rem realizes what Light is trying to do, it goes straight to Watari and L's deaths, but the anime instead gives a distinct and unexpected pause in the middle of this where L contemplates his own death. It's fucking great, and the shift from straight action to slower emotional weight makes these scenes stand out a lot, since, like I said, the show usually focuses more on the former. But it's kind of ironic, too.

Not only does the anime open up L's feelings more in these scenes, but it also tries to dig deeper into Light's feelings as well through L. And it's really funny honestly because while, yes, these are the more "emotionally open" scenes of the anime Light still manages to be Incredibly avoidant and contribute almost nothing to the entire ordeal.

L is visibly upset -> "Yeah Ryuzaki, you're not making any sense at all" (Not addressing the obvious conflict from L)

"Tell me, Light. From the moment you were born, has there ever been a point where you've actually told the truth?" -> "[The most stale, over-explained, avoidant answer to a "yes/no" question that you could ever hear + blatant attempts to reframe the question]"

(L's half-smile here kills me) "I had a feeling you'd say something like that" -> [Nothing]

"I'm sorry" -> [Nothing]

"It'll be lonely won't it? You and I will be parting ways soon" -> [Nothing]

^ From this point Light continues to say literally Nothing for the rest of the scene. I'm not even joking, from then on the rest of Light's voicelines are reduced to nothing but vague noises of confusion.

Everytime L calls Light out as a person ("Has there ever been a point where you've actually told the truth?" / "I had a feeling you'd say something like that." / "Won't it be lonely?") he doesn't actually acknowledge anything. Out of those three lines, he only answers verbally to if he's ever told the truth, and even then it's the most blatantly people-pleasing answer ever, as it usually is with Light. And I don't think it's because Light just. Doesn't care about any of what L's saying at all, or that he doesn't know what the hell he's talking about (questioning Light's authenticity as a person, saying it would be lonely when they part), instead he's choosing not to acknowledge any of what this means about himself or him and L at all. He's like a fucking wall.

And like, for the truth question in particular, the show makes sure that you know it's not something that Light just. Doesn't care enough about to answer. The hard cuts to silence are a very rare but extremely effective way that the show conveys an extremely important moment (see: Light regaining his memories, Matsuda noticing Light opening the warehouse door before he escapes (not as much of a "direct" cut to silence but still)), and cuts to multiple angles/framings/zooms of the exact same shot are also used for the same purpose (see: Light hugging Misa when she was crying, Matsuda aiming his gun to shoot Light, Light regaining his memories Again). Just like the scene where Light gets his memories back, the moment L's question finishes the show utilizes both. That question cut Deep. There's is a solid Almost 5 seconds of silence before the sound of the rain gradually starts fading back in, and honestly that should be telling enough as is (but of course Light doesn't actually admit that. Or anything at all really, so). Oh also another fun detail! We do not see Light's face At All (except for the shot where you can see his mouth moving but not his eyes), for the Entire time that he's going on his spiel to L. We Will Be Revisiting This Later, by the way. This is not, in fact, the first time you're going to see this detail from Light.

The only sort of reciprocation that we see from Light during Any of these two scenes is when Light dries L's hair while L dries his feet. Biblical meanings/references aside it's interesting because it's the only time he directly does anything "for" L in these scenes, but even then he doesn't try to pass it off as anything meaningful really the same way L does ("You're still soaked", a purely neutral and factual statement. It doesn't Add Anything compared to L's. Sin atonement loneliness grieving stuff. While Light is showing his own reciprocation to this more personal moment he also tries to keep it impersonal enough that it doesn't actually have to mean anything deep). And when L says "I'm sorry" after he once again gets no response from Light. It's also after this that L gets that pained look on his face, like he knows that at this point he's not actually going to get anything meaningful from Light (again, very significant and rare from L in the show. We've seen him in distress (see: when Ukita died, hell, when Watari dies), but even then he mostly manages to keep his usually neutral expression), we never see him "look sad" like he does here):

I just think it's interesting that this is one of the few scenes in this particular adaptation of Death Note where they try to open up the character's thoughts/feeling (especially considering the fact that they. lowkey blunder in adaptations of original scenes from the manga), and L himself is being rather open (not that he ever really tries to hide what he thinks nearly as much as Light), and yet all Light contributes to it in return is like. Actually nothing. Bro fumbled it. There is no resolution to any of this, to any of what L asks at all, to any of the many opportunities for a meaningful conversation, and the only thing even relatively close to an answer that you can get from Light is what you can infer from how he acts in the episode after L dies, where he's just going through the motions, but hardly acting as if he's actually living at all.

(Honestly I think the transition from this scene with the taskforce to the subsequent scene with Misa says enough on its own. Light's expressions and tone says everything:)

(Oh sidenote but. This shit again:

"Light, this is our first date in forever. can't you enjoy yourself a little more?" ('Why don't you seem happy? We can finally be together since L is dead') -> No response, Light instead changing the topic to him wanting to move in with Misa without changing his mannerisms at all

Also there's that one detail again. You pretty much don't see Light's expression when he speaks here at all, except for one shot of his eyes, which is quite literally the exact same shot they used when he "saw" L, just altered for the new setting. You have No idea what he looks like when he's responding to Misa, although it's probably fair to assume that it's the same empty stare he has for the whole Two Shots where you can clearly see his whole expression in the entire scene.

Something something Light Yagami bad at feelings I think you get the point though)

I guess Light's Kind of showing what he's feeling now? He'll admit to himself that it's boring without L, but no more than that. Light never actually admits to anything "significant", and L's dead already anyway, so what would that even do?

And then we get, uh. Basically nothing from Light. For the next 5 Years. Except that he joined the NPA, so, uh, yay? Good job, Light you totally nailed it! Thank you for allowing us as an audience to delve deeper into your inner thoughts and feelings as a character so we can find out more about you as a person! Very helpful! Thank you for not sabotaging one of your few dedicated opportunities to look into yourself as a person and reflect on your relationships with others and being 100% honest with yourself! We stay winning guys.

Anyway, this got way too long for a scene that's over a decade old, and I've probably just said everything that everyone else has already said in this fandom before. But unfortunately this has been living in my head for way too long and I must scream. I just think this episode's neat is all :)

tl;dr Part of the reason why the rain/foot scene (tbh episode 25 in General) stands out so much is because the Death Note anime specifically was a bit robbed in terms of its more emotional character moments compared to the other medias, which makes more somber/introspective scenes like the ones in episode 25 stand out a Lot in comparison. But it's also incredibly ironic because it's one of the few moments where the show (or specifically L) tries to look deeper into Light's character, but because he is so avoidant for the entire duration of these two scenes he adds basically nothing at all. It's almost funny. Mostly sad. It's also very gay. Aand post

Okay actually nevermind one more thing I talked about how the jdrama is supposed to be more emotionally in-depth because it is a TV Drama and just for the record, same thing happens there! I could probably do an entire analysis of the Blue Scene in this context like I did with episode 25 but I'd literally be here forever, so uh, just take this iconic line as my main example:

Same Thing. L's statement "I wish we could have met some other way" is personal. It's his own wish, his own regret that he is expressing to Light. While Light's reply obviously has that same regret implied it's also phrased in a specifically impersonal way. It's closed off. "This is the only way we could have met" it closes off the topic and simply renders L's wish as ultimately futile. Light does not say that he Also wishes he could have met L a different way even if it was likely impossible, instead it's a cold statement of cynical fact.

Idk just. Something something L being able and Willing to be more openly sentimental/emotionally open towards Light/about Light vs. Light's inability to be honest with anyone including himself and his own nature preventing any form of meaningful reciprocation. Something something self-sabotage, y'know the drill. God don't even get me Started on how sincere L's tone is when he says "It'll be lonely won't it?"(at least in the eng dub) in the anime I could talk about his tone in that scene for ages. Also yes all of this relates to L Change the WorLd too by the way. Don't ask how it just does okay.

I do think that scenes like these (rain/foot scene, The Blue Scene. Uh. L Change the WorLd The Novel Adaptation) show, at least in those adaptations, that L does genuinely care for Light, and show that he values him as a friend not just in the mindgame-equal sense but also just like, a more sincere sense you know. Idk if that made any sense and that's a whole other topic for another day but you guys just have to believe me on this one alright please please believe me buries head in hands. Okay post over finally thanks for coming to my tedtalk hope you enjoyed my very-unnecessarily long analysis of the week

[spaghetticat3899]

When you absolutely despise something a lot of people like, and no matter what way you look at it you cannot see the appeal, but you know you can’t talk about it in public or else you’ll get dogpiled to hell and back, so you just kinda sit there frothing at the mouth like this

[numberonepartyboy]

'kai raised nya alone' is such bs. oh yeah those other village people wouldn't fucking help two babies who's parents are missing. they totally wouldn't provide them food and help them to get enrolled in school or help with their home.

(( i do hc that kai and nya grew up very fast, being too mature for their age and having no close friends with others bc of their more adult behavior. both of them are school dropouts (kai dropped out in middle school and nya in highschool.) ))

[rubra-fuscissima]

and since we're all already here, i hope you're ready to look at some more rugby players because i have an even more important message to share, so put your swimming goggles on and grab a snack cause this is gonna be a rant.

strongman-physique andrew might be underrepresented in this fandom, but i've seen little to no drawings of the aftg women being as big as i know many contact sport athletes to be. and that shit bothers me because i know precisely what absolute beasts these bigger girls are on the pitch.

so, have a look at marlie packer, hannah botterman, and portia woodman-wickliffe.

note that all of these women play(ed) for top-ranking national teams. they're world-class athletes in a sport where players need to be strong, fast, agile, and explosive - much like exy! you wanna know why they look like they could pick you up and carry you for the length of a marathon or throw you across half a football pitch? because they could. end of story.

you'd like to imagine the aftg girls as highly feminine? you better not think femininity and muscularity or big size are contradictory. women like michaela blyde or ilona maher are living proof!

and i'm not even done.

let's get one thing out of the way first. you do not NEED to be muscular or heavy to be strong. in a sport like exy (or rugby), sometimes being quick and agile will give you a bigger advantage than mass ever could - take neil as a canon example and, if you're interested, someone like anne-cécile ciofani as a real-world one.

the question is: does that really make sense for the positions the fox girls play?

renee is a goalkeeper; a position in which she'll have to do little to no running but a LOT of strength-based swinging of a massive raquet. so, and this is a very important point to me as a sapphic girl, renee's shoulders and back are probably MASSIVE (see ilona maher).

dan and allison play dealer. from what i can gather from the game scenes in the books and my general understanding of team contact sports, dealers are confronted with a lot of collisions since usually, none of the players in the middle of the field want to actually make it to the goal. instead, players will likely focus on quickly relaying the ball to each other or the attacking line to overwhelm the other team's defense and - if they themselves are playing defense - perform a lot of body-checks to win the ball and/or prevent quick passes. in these cases, weight and the strength that comes with it ARE an advantage.

and i know people have a hard enough time already accepting that women can build muscle, but that isn't even my point here. because get this: in the context of strength and speed, muscle works best with a certain amount of body fat. everyone has to find their own balance here, but generally, having too low a body fat percentage decreases speed, power, and muscle growth. that's a high price to pay for athletes like these three girls just for being skinny or ripped.

in conclusion, i think it's more than realistic for the fox girls to be heavier athletes. draw them however you like to draw them (trust me, i'll eat any art of them right up), but i know many people aren't really into sports or have never even thought about drawing the fox girls a little broader. so, if that's you, let this be your sign to give it a try!!!

andrew has the build of a rugby prop, change my mind

okay so i've been seeing a lot of great andrew art recently and i loooove that people are finally drawing him with a more chubby/broad body.

buttttt hear me out here. as a rugby player. i'm used to seeing heavy athletes. and let me tell you, don't be afraid to take it even further!!!! and i'm definitely not judging anyone here, i can't draw for shit and i love the art in this fandom.

just take a look at this:

you see those shoulders? those forearms? that NECK? this is what pure strength looks like, people.

imagine the POWER of an andrew with this build running to smash riko's arm. JUST IMAGINE

so what i'm saying is. don't be afraid to draw heavy athletes, and DEFINITELY don't be afraid to draw heavy andrew. you know this fandom needs it. (and by this fandom i mean me, i definitely need that)

(btw the athletes i've included here are nepo laulala, joe marler, and adam jones)

[harunefrog]

I drew a thing!!! You know this one!!!

[coralpaperthoughts]

I will never understand ppl who hate/anti ANY of the members of the Gaang, or even any of the other kids. coz they are just kids. in the middle of a fucking war. of course they're gonna fuck up and make mistakes and be little shits, THEY ARE 12-16 !! ALL OF THE GAANG (including Zuko but excluding Suki) HAVEN'T HAD PROPER SOCIALISATION WITH OTHER KIDS THEIR AGE UNTIL THEY MET EACH OTHER !!

and yes, you could argue that Katara and Sokka had each other, but that's siblings and siblings are not the same as friends, and also Sokka was the only teen boy left in the tribe and I think Katara was the only teen girl too (might be wrong there tho)

you could also argue that Aang had friends before he got stuck in the iceberg so he did actually have that socialisation, but bro is fucking 12 and he was stuck in an iceberg for a hundred fucking years and had the whole avatar thing weighing down on his shoulders, cut the boy some slack ???

Toph and Zuko were both Rich Noble Kids™ so they automatically did not get proper socialisation with other kids their age. Toph was sheltered from the outside world because she's blind and a young girl, but yes she did go to that underground boxing ring but that was mainly adults, I highly doubt she was hanging about with kids there and definitely not in normal circumstances.

And although Mai and Ty Lee were there, they were Azula's "companions" (not originally meant to be friends but may have ended up as so after the war) and they weren't there for Zuko, they were there for Azula only. I'm pretty sure Zuko spent most of his time with tutors or with his mother before she left, he didn't get any socialisation with normal kids and he definitely did not get a normal childhood.

None of them got a normal childhood, so can you really blame any of them for being manipulative or assholes or doing dumb shit, whilst still being a kid/teen !!! and then being bad parents too, when they literally have no good role model to go off of (love Hakoda but bro was not there for his kids for a good couple of years and that does a lot to a kid)

edit: also Azula deserved a redemption/healing arc because she was a victim of abuse as much as Zuko was. she was in fact just a child, as much as the rest of them were, and deserved better. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk 🙏

edit 2: Jet also deserved a chance at healing. like bro watched his village burn and was the sole survivor, he probably has mega survivor's guilt that isn't touched upon in the show, like his hate for the fire nation is pretty rational and his actions (to an extent) are justified. all I'm saying is that if he had anybody else in his corner, that wasn't more angsty, out-for-revenge teens or kids, he could have had a much nicer life. one that didn't lead him to his downfall.

[thisuserdead]

Thinking about how Neil and Andrew both helped each other to build a possible future for themselves both as individuals and as a couple.

They just came into each other's lives and completely upended them by offering honesty and trust.

Andrew offered Neil stability, protection, a home ("you gave me a key and called it home"), the prospect of not having to run anymore, of actually achieving his dreams and not ending up dead in a ditch at 18. He helped Neil build a new identity from the ground up that was just and truly Neil. (Not to discredit the part that the other foxes played in the last part!!)

In return Neil gave Andrew something to live for in the form of fixing his relationship with his cousin and brother so that he wouldn't end up alone after graduation. He made Andrew care about exy enough to make it into a career (even if it's just a little bit). He gave Andrew understanding when everyone else brushed him off and was prepared to go against everything that he's ever been taught about getting close to people, about saying the truth, about telling people who he is and just trusting people.

Andrew also gave his trust to Neil every time he did what Neil asked him to, every time he offered Neil a hard truth. Trusting that Neil wouldn't use it against him, wouldn't tell him it was all a misunderstanding. My boy put his stone cold lump of a heart in Neil's hands and trusted Neil not to squeeze.

Don't get me wrong, they're not beating the codependency allegations until they've lived apart. After Andrew's graduation. It's difficult, it's hell. But if Nora's ec says they make it, then I have faith that by the time they're living together again, their nothing will have turned into something else just as precious if not more.

[sarioh]

rio i miss and love you and your analysis posts. what are your thoughts on the clethubs dynamic this season (in anticipation of the new episode tmrw)

hi aleph thank you so much for giving me a green flag to just drop a 1000 word rant about clethubs also sorry i missed the deadline and also sorry about the length. anyways personally i think clethubs is what you get when you put 3 people who are burdened with Remembering in a world where no one else really seems to. like, of course the other players remember and make references to events of the past, but they don’t remember in the way these three do.

to me this is best explained through a breakdown of Trust and how it manifests between each of them indiviudally. etho, especially, is so distrusted by most of the server. he’s a schemer, he has a reputation of being really unreadable and also unpredictable, but if you actually try to understand him it’s really easy to see that he’s actually the most straightforward person alive. he operates purely on debts and repayments. not debts in a trade sense—those are a business transaction and subject to being logically dissected and exploited. but debts in an emotional sense. etho offered grian mercy in limited life because of the diamond sword in episode 1, which grian had forgotten about entirely all the while etho had been biding his time and waiting for a chance to repay it all season.

cleo is the only person on the server who seems to really understand this part of etho, and therefore is the only person who seems to be able to read his true intentions. not only that, but she's the only one who really seems to approach the concept of loyalty in the same way. in the life series, alliances are feeble and fleeting, and for the most past actions hold no bearing in the future. it doesn’t matter what happened 5 episodes ago—if you’re not on my side now, you’re against me. there’s no such thing for cleo—loyalty and betrayal are not just momentary states of being. if you took something dear from me 5 episodes ago, i will never fully allow myself to need you again. even if we're in the final five and our survival depends on each other.

cleo and etho were direct antagonists in the last season and have no reason to trust each other now, but they trust openly despite it because better than most they understand the burden of a debt unpaid, and the burden of remembering in a way that no one else seems to. to them, loyalty isn’t about who you arbitrarily align yourself with, it’s a gesture. it’s “you gave me an extra pair of diamond leggings 3 episodes ago for no reason when you could’ve given it to your allies and now you have no idea that youre in my good books forever.” you can be on opposites ends of a war from someone but if they extend you a moment of mercy, well, how are you supposed to forget that? how are you not supposed to spend the rest of your life repaying that? they both subconsciously keep lists, not just of people they want to kill (like so many other players seem to), but of people who have extended a hand to them in a time where it didn't really make sense to. of gestures that were silently meaningful towards people they care about. "i trust you because bdubs trusted you" etc etc.

it makes so much sense that cleo and etho would both go immediately to becoming sworn allies this season after being bitter enemies in the previous series. because they both understand that there’s no such thing as fleeting alliances, and when they've decided to choose each other, it’s more than just a shared base or a team name—it’s something unshakable. it’s a thousand debts you take turns repaying.

and then theres bdubs, where remembering takes a different form entirely. for him, remembering manifests as shared history. if i chose you before, really chose you, then i’m going to choose you again and again and again. i’m going to hover in your orbit even if you don’t choose me the next time, because you and i both know what we had, even if we’re not supposed to acknowledge it. “that was a different universe, this is a different world. you’re just cleo” but i’m going to spend the rest of the episode hovering longingly by your base anyways. “this is our old thing, if it comes down to it we don’t betray each other” because the loyalty created its roots years ago and has been growing out of control ever since. you ask bdubs where his team is and he shifts uncomfortably and refuses to explicitly call them his allies, insisting that they just showed up around him but he's not really sure.

and just like etho, the other players never fully trust bdubs. he’s fickle with his loyalty and seems to be a split decision away from turning on his friends at any second, but cleo and etho both know that’s not really true either. their trust towards him comes from that Remembering, that fundamental understanding of shared history.

for etho, it’s the push and pull. it’s the knowing that we go so far back that what happens in between never really matters. you got caught in an explosion or a trap that i set in your base? well, good thing we have a hundred more lives to play with so we can just laugh it off like we always do. a stray explosion or a firing squad aren’t an act of betrayal, any more than a mocking comment about your height or a casual threat of violence. and when it really matters, we both know we’d put down our swords.

for cleo, it’s something unshakeable. bdubs, the known traitor of 3rd life, was fiercely protective of her and her alone. so she’s never wary of him the same way anyone else is—she knows that when bdubs really chooses you, then you’re marked for life.

so yeah. clethubs is three guys who share the burden of remembering. and also have some kind of unspoken understanding of each others motives and intentions that no other player seems to have concretely picked up on. but in a way that ultimately just culminates in them acting like freaks around each other and not actually making any direct effort to team mostly because, as usual, etho and bdubs have no idea how to communicate their intentions directly and sincerely like normal people and instead opt to hover in the fringes of each others alliances and make really weird and loaded comments . Anyways

[cardboardboxy]

TRAILS OF APOLLO IS AN ACCIDENTAL DISABILITY ALLEGORY

Heres why :)

So apollo himself describes the transition from god to human as crippling, this is shown through the limitations of mortal memory, skill deterioration etc etc which are aspects of different disabilities, this is the more obvious stuff

But some other things are the inability to take on his desired form and the restriction of how many places he can be at one time, both of these can be very easily compared to reliance on mobilty aids, initially they are restricting to self expression and access to the world around you

BUT this isn't permanent (in most cases) apollo learns overtime to love his mortal from and while his feelings of restriction still stay (something that is also the case for a lot of disabled people!) he also comes to recognise the advantages of it and finds freedom in it, which is something mobility aid users also do

Apollo is cut of from the godly world in almost every way, and the few times he isnt (aside from artemis but we'll get to her) leads to him feeling inadequate and powerless against it. So he has to find community elsewhere among mortals a.k.a finding the disabled community

Throughout the course of the books apollo becomes deeply rooted in a mortal way of living, the way he takes care of himself and his friends changes as he comes to recognise mortals as equals, and that in many ways they're better then the gods

This is similar to the way that after finding the disabled community a lot of people learn to manage their disability better and unlearn a lot of internal biases they hold against disabled people

The emperors embody unchanging society, the people unwilling to alter anything in any way that helps people to their own detriment, if they weren't so hellbent on trying to 'get back to the good days' they couldve survived, the fact that they get stripped of their immortality is also relevant to the way most people eventually become disabled

Jason symbolises the victims of people not willing to change, a lot of disabled deaths are avoidable yet people still die, like jason still died because others (the gods) were unwilling to change. Apollos promise to remember what life was like as a mortal so he can change things is paralleled to people who are able to recover from their disabilities becoming advocates for accessibility and education

His relationship with artemis is reminiscent of the fact that disabled people often become more distant from able bodied people due to the lack of relatability, and while artemis cannot understand what he went through, she's not completely distanced from him and even helps him afterwards when he cannot bear to use his powers (its very common that disabled peoples family members will become their carers)

Apollo mourns his mortal life despite all the trauma it caused him, the same way recovering from disability isn't always a positive experience, to relean how to live a second time isn't easy. While he does interact with the gods, he goes right back to his mortal friends because they have more in common now after all he went through

This concludes my yap session 👍

[formereldestdaughter]

ok wait i need to hear more of your thoughts on peeta owning a bakery....

This is one of those rare times where I’m pretty sure this anon isn’t someone I know personally bc I’ve subjected anyone who will listen to my rant about the Peeta Bakery Headcanon. Anyway, you’re gonna regret asking this anon bc there are fucking Layers here.

I know this is probably a controversial take based on the number of fics where I’ve seen it, but I simply do not think that Peeta would open a commercial bakery after Mockingjay!! Like on a metatextual level, I don’t think it really fits with the point of the ending of the series. It actually sort of fascinates me that it’s just such a common headcanon because the ending of Mockingjay is exceedingly vague. I think that vagueness invites us, as readers, to imagine a better world post-revolution. A world where Katniss would feel confident that her children would be safe from injustice, where she’d feel confident that her children would never know want the way she did as a child. A just world. A kinder world. Can a capitalist society ever be just? Is a capitalist society where a disabled teenager has no other means to subsist himself (or feels like there’s no other way he can be a contributing member of his community) really the post-revolution world we dream of? Is that really the best we can imagine?

(This got so insanely long I’m adding a read more lmao)

I get that showing a better world is not always the point of post-mockingjay headcanons/fics. Like there are plenty of really great post-mockingjay fics I’ve seen where, yeah, part of the fic is that society like ISN’T all that different or all that much better. I’ve seen that really well done! Hell, I’ve written them myself! It’s easy to imagine how a lot of aspects of society would not get an overhaul, a lot of the same structural inequalities would continue to exist. One headcanon that really stuck with me (I can’t remember which fic it was from) was that Peeta sells basically mail order baked goods to people on the Capitol, sending them iced cakes and pastries by train, because there are still people who were “fans” of theirs during the Games. And idk this doesn’t actually have much to do with my point lol but I liked it because it’s kind of fucked up and like! Yeah! It makes sense! If he needed money that would be a good way to make it! War often makes people rich, often for horrible reasons, and often it’s people who already have capital in the first place.

Anyway, more about the hypothetical bakery because alright. I bring up the fact that “yeah society not being all that different post-revolution and still being an unjust capitalist hellscape” could be a reason why Peeta re-opens a bakery because that’s actually never the types of fics where I see the bakery headcanon. Fics where Peeta opens a bakery are usually trying to make the exact opposite point. Like. Things are getting better, now he can open a bakery! Look at how much better the world is now, plus he’s got a bakery! Peeta is healing, that’s why he can open a bakery now! And I am so, so sorry to inform everyone who’s never had the grave misfortune of owning a family business, but there is truly nothing further from the truth lmao. Like just putting aside the immense amount of emotional baggage that Peeta has about his family, running a small business is an insane amount of work in any context and being a baker especially is physically grueling and involves early hours (and long hours) that aren’t really the best fit with the multiple ways that Peeta is disabled now. (I could go into this more because I have a lot of thoughts. But I will spare you.). I also think it’s seen throughout the books that Peeta is someone who needs time to pursue creative outlets to process his feelings and someone who values leisure and values quality time with his loved ones. And having grown up in his family’s bakery, I think he’d understand the reality that running a bakery wouldn’t leave much space of those pursuits and wouldn’t leave much space for him to have the things that keep him healthy and stable. I think he’d know that the way he is now— after two Games and the war and unspeakable torture at the hands of a dictator—isn’t compatible with the lifestyle necessary for running a commercial bakery.

And tbh with that in mind, I don’t think he’d push himself to re-open a business (one that would be a constant reminder of his dead family and his complicated relationships with them that got no closure) that would require him to sacrifice his physical and emotional well-being. Like I think he might look into the possibility, I think he might even start trying to open a bakery out of a sense of obligation/duty, maybe harboring some idea that this is who he was supposed to be, who he would've been without the Games, or that it’s this last piece of his family that can live on, or that it’s this last connection to his family so he can’t let it die too. But ultimately, I think any attempt to open a bakery wouldn’t get very far. Maybe he'd start wading into the logistical nightmare that is small business ownership and realize it's not for him (because it's probably also true that as much as him and his brothers were involved in the business, there's almost certainly parts they weren't involved with and didn't see, i.e., filing taxes). Or maybe looking into opening a bakery— how triggering it is, the stress of it— causes a downward spiral. Maybe he hates how much he's worrying everyone by unraveling. Maybe having a breakdown from the stress of just trying to open a bakery makes him realize, yeah, maybe in another life he would have ran his family’s bakery but the way he is now just doesn’t work with running a bakery, not without great sacrifices he's not willing to make. I just can’t see a bakery coming to fruition.

I know a lot of fics include Peeta deciding to reopen a bakery as a big step in his healing or include him rebuilding a bakery as part of his healing process but honestly, I think the opposite would be more true: I think Peeta either trying/failing to open a bakery or ultimately deciding not to open a bakery would be hugely healing for him. I think it would be a huge part of him accepting the way he is now as a person, his new limitations but also his strengths. I think it would be a huge part of him accepting the way his life his now and accepting that he likes his life the way it is, that he’s satisfied with his life without needing to own a bakery. I think it would be an important part of him coming to terms with the loss of his family. I think he knows he can never have things back as they were and I don’t think he would try to recreate them, especially because his family’s legacy isn’t a business. I think he’s emotionally intelligent enough and self reflective enough to realize that what mattered to him about the bakery— taking care of others by feeding them, being integrated into his community and being actively involved in it, brightening people’s days with delightful things whether that’s beautiful cakes or hearty food or delicious treats— and the things he learned from his family through the bakery, are things that he can carry on in other meaningful ways.

(Do you regret sending this ask yet, anon? Because if not, you will soon. I’m not done yet. There’s more.)

I wasn’t really sure where to put this next part in what is rapidly becoming an essay because it sort of combines the points about like “what do we imagine a post-mockingjay society to look like” with the practical difficulties of starting this bakery but here’s another thing: do people really think that the Mellarks owned the land the bakery was on?? Like, sure, the merchants are the petit bourgeois of Twelve but I still don’t imagine they really own anything. In a society where houses are assigned to people upon marriage, where property ownership and capital are so closely interconnected with citizenship (as shown by the Plinths who, by having immense capital, are able to leave their District and become citizens of the Capitol) do people really think the Mellarks would be allowed to own the land their bakery is on?? I always imagined it sort of like a tenant farming situation: the Capitol gives them the raw materials for the bakery and in return the bakery give them some absurdly high portion of their profits, or the Capitol sells them a year’s supply of raw materials at a premium on credit and at the end of the year the Mellarks have to use the money they made with those materials to pay it back, except it’s never enough to turn a profit so they always have to buy next year’s materials on credit and the cycle continues.

We (understandably) get a really skewed view of the merchant class through Katniss’s perspective so I can see why people come to the conclusion that his family owned the property and, as the last surviving member, he would’ve inherited it. I’ve seen the inheritance thing in fics a lot or a hand wavey “well Twelve was decimated to no one owns anything anymore so it can be his” or even like an almost sort of reparations type situation where he’s entitled to the land as a surviving refugee of Twelve. But I don’t know. I guess I don’t think it fits with everything else we know about Panem that the Mellarks would’ve owned that land and I think the question of whether the government would’ve let him take ownership of the land post-revolution brings up a lot of issues about the structure of society post-Mockingjay that I find more interesting to explore in other ways, especially when, from an emotional perspective, 1) I find the idea of Peeta not opening a bakery more compelling and 2) I don’t think it really fits his character arc by the end of Mockingjay to reopen a bakery, as I went on about at length above lol.

On the flip side: literally who cares!! Do whatever you want!! Headcanon whatever you want!! I get why people go for the bakery!! It’s fun, it’s wholesome, it’s a built in bakery AU that isn’t even an AU. It doesn’t matter if it’s practical or realistic!! It doesn’t need to be practical or realistic!! It’s fanfic of a dystopian YA series!! My unfortunate affliction is that I grew up in a family that owned a restaurant and that I have multiple degrees in the social sciences so I can’t see the bakery without being like “What about the overheard? What about the start up costs? Who’s spending long nights balancing the books? Is Peeta covering shifts when an employee calls in sick? Is Peeta the sole person working there until the bakery is open long enough (often a year or more) to start turning a profit? How does that sleep schedule work with his nightmares? How does that work with Katniss’s nightmares? What happens when he has an episode and suddenly needs to take the day off before he has any employees? Does the bakery just remain closed for the day? Can the profit margins withstand regular unexpected closures? Can the supplies withstand regular unexpected closures?” And if the answer is “Elliott none of those things matter he’s not doing the bakery because he needs the money but because he wants to”, then my question is why does he want to? Does he not get the same sort of satisfaction out of feeding his loved ones? Doesn’t Peeta seem like someone who would rather give away baked goods than sell them?? Doesn’t Peeta seem like someone who would prefer to make cakes for people’s special occasions upon and then when they insist on paying him for it, he only lets them “pay for the ingredients” which actually cost significantly more than he says they did??

So yeah my point is that it’s a matter of personal taste! It doesn’t fit the way I see the series but that doesn’t mean it’s like wrong, I’m not an authority on Peeta lmao.

It’s also a matter of personal taste in the sense that I find the themes that most resonate with me at the end of Mockingjay (and the end of Peeta’s arc specifically) more interesting to explore in other ways. Grief, living with loss, relearning yourself, finding hope, figuring out your place in a dramatically different world when you don’t even know who you are anymore, healing, building a new life after such complete and total destruction of your old life— those are all things I find compelling about the end of Mockingjay but for me the bakery isn’t the most compelling way to explore them.

Not to say I find the concept of the bakery totally uninteresting. I have this fic about Johanna that I’ll probably never finish where the point sort of is that, yeah, her life really isn’t all that much better after the war. It’s been years at this point and she’s still miserable and she doesn’t know how to be a person but by the end she’s trying to figure it out. And towards the end, Peeta tells her that he’s spent years sort of passively, half-heartedly trying to figure out how to inherit the land his family’s bakery was on, only to find out it was never theirs in the first place. They’d been renting it the whole time and he’d never even known as a kid. So he sort of passively, half-heartedly went on another wild goose chase to find the owner and now, finally, after years of writing to various government agencies and being sent in circles and things being barely functional, he’s managed to track down the owner. Now it’s owned by the daughter of the man who owned it when he was a kid because the original owner (who was likely up to some sketchy war crime shit) died during the war and she inherited it (the irony…). He got in contact with her and asked how much it would take for her to sell it and she told him she’s not interested in selling but in light of the situation, in light of the fact that he’d have to build a new building in order to operate a bakery, that she’d cut him a deal— she’d only require 50% of the bakery’s profits as rent instead of the 80% his family used to pay. And of course Johanna is outraged, that’s not right, the owner shouldn’t be allowed to do that, they should do something about it, they should fight back. And Peeta is like. Not interested. He was actually sort of relieved that opening wasn’t very feasible. Getting the answer was a lightbulb moment where he saw that over the years of trying to look into this, he’s built a life that he likes— one where he’s stable, where his loved ones are stable, where he’s cared for and can care for others— and he doesn’t really want to change it drastically by opening a bakery anyway. He just needed an answer, one way or another, before he could get some closure and move on. (And the point of the conversation is Johanna is having her own lightbulb moment that it’s okay to move on, it’s okay to change, it’s not a betrayal of the people and things she’s lost but that’s not my point here!!).

But anyway. That’s obviously not about running the bakery— it’s about the choice to not run one.

Anyway!! Anyway… are you satisfied anon? Is this what you wanted?

Lastly, here is my most important qualm with the bakery headcanon: must Peeta be gainfully employed? Is it not enough for him to be Katniss’s boytoy? Can’t he just paint and garden and bake and hang out with his girlfriend all day? Is that really too much to ask?

[aroacesafeplaceforall]

Apparently the video is good (I only read the comments) in explaining the orientations on the thumbnail. But I'm still disappointed. They were so close...

I looked at it like "what's wrong with it" until I read the title, like those are sexual orientations not romantic orientations :")

[boabel]

i.... exist in other people's minds?? yippee

[siriuslygay1981]

THE SUN DOESNT MEAN TO HURT ANYONE, THE SUN CANNOT CONTROL HOW IT AFFECTS OTHERS, DO NOT BLAME THE SUN FOR BEING WHAT IT WAS CREATED TO DO.

HE IS THE SUN HE BRINGS YOU WARMTH, HE GIVES YOU HAPPINESS HES BRIGHT AND HE DOESNT MEAN TO HURT, HAVENT YOU HEARD!! DONT FLY TOO CLOSE TO THE SUN

IT ISNT HIS FAULT, HES JUST BRIGHT, HIS LOVE CAN BE INTENSE AND OVERWHELMING BUT THATS JUST WHO HE IS. DON'T BLAME HIM FOR BEING TOO BIG, IF HE HURTS YOU ITS NEVER ON PURPOSE BELIEVE ME, HE'D RATHER BURN OUT COMPLETELY THAN EVER MAKE YOU HURT.

HIS SMILE WILL BLIND YOU, IT WILL BURN YOU, HIS KINDNESS IS A SUNBURN TO THOSE WHO RARELY GOT SHOWN ANY, HE IS BIG HE IS OVERWHELMING, HES THE LIGHT AND HE SHINES DOWN ON YOU, DO NOT THINK FOR A SECOND THAT JUST BECAUSE HE IS BIG AND HE IS BRIGHT THAT HE MEANS HARM. A SPIDER LOOKS SCARY AND IS OFTEN SEEN AS BAD BUT THEY ARE SO TINY AND MEAN NO HARM

HAVE YOU SEEN CATS? THEY ARE SO CUTE AND SO VICIOUS SOMETIMES, JAMES POTTER IS THE SUN AND HE WILL LEAVE YOU COLD IF YOU DESERVE UT, HE MAY CAUSE HARM BUT ITS NEVER INTENTIONAL.

THE SUN BURNS ARE HUGS, THE RAYS OF WARMTH KISSES, THE BLINDING LIGHT IN YOUR EYES HIS SMILE, HE GRACES YOU WITH HIS PRESENCE AND HIS LOVE LET HIM SHINE. DONT BLAME HIM FOR LIVING