#this feels like crack

[teecupangel]

Haven’t seen someone suggest this yet. Velociraptor!Desmond. Ancient or modern, either works. Or he’s immortal. But I can just imagine the chaos that a velociraptor in the AC universe would bring. And make it Desmond, even more so.

Then there’s also the idea of whichever Assassins were around in 1924 (when velociraptors were officially categorized) being super confused about why ancient art in Masyaf and works by Leonardo DaVinci seem to depict this dinosaur that was just discovered. Insert 1920’s version of Shaun setting up a conspiracy board.

I had to make this meme…

The funny thing is… raptors are the size of a turkey so I’m just imagining Ratonhnhaké:ton returning to the homestead one day to find the Assassin turkey has made a friend.

Because of his actual size, he can be quite stealthy, making him a good Assassin companion. He also has a big appetite for meat and Leonardo found it fascinating to read an entire page dedicated to the ‘care’ of the creature Altaïr called ‘Desmond’.

Calling it ‘care’ is misleading because it was filled with observations and some complaints of Desmond’s habits, including how he liked to sleep on newly dried laundry.

Leonardo believes Ezio’s Desmond is a ‘descendant’ of Altaïr’s Desmond and paints him. He also wonders how they reproduce considering they are no records of Altaïr’s Desmond having any mate.

And that’s how Leonardo theorizes that Desmonds reproduces all by itself.

That’s right.

‘Desmond’ isn’t Desmond’s name.

‘Desmond’ is the name of the type of creature Desmond is.

Desmond turning into a raptor meant that velociraptors in AC world are now called…

“Desmonds”

No one is more embarrassed by this than Desmond.

But it’s not like he can tell anyone about it.

He was immortal but any time he tried to write by drawing on the ground, it’s just pure gibberish.

But hey…

He is now the ‘model’ of Leonardo’s greatest work titled “Desmond”.

The fact that the art world are actually still debating if Mona Lisa or Desmond is the far superior Da Vinci work only serves to make him all the more embarrassed.

Shaun isn’t helping at all because he keeps researching about Desmonds, all in the hopes of finding another Desmond for… Desmond.

Desmond’s head hurts from all the other Desmonds he had to hear every day.

Immortality truly has its downside.

[troblsomtwins829]

Okay, I just wanted to take a brief moment here to ask:

WHAT

Was this the original plot of Jak and Daxter? Because omg, is this crazy.

[hinamie]

trick or treat!

[illusioncanthurtme--art]

Physically? I am sitting in my bedroom. Mentally? Spiritually? I AM DEAD ON THE FLOOR!!!!! THESE TWO HAVE KILLED ME!!!!

(Another drawing! This was originally attempt #1 at drawing stan, and then fiddleford just showed up. Kinda feels like them five minutes after the above acting like nothing happened though, so it works sdjkgkjfshj)

[fanaticalthings]

important family group chat discussions

<- Prev Masterlist Next ->

[starry-bi-sky]

on a completely separate note; shizun luo binghe with a disciple shen yuan who fell into the abyss??? *thinks about LBH canonically stealing SQQ's corpse for 5 years* he'd hallucinate i think. like, like visual and audial hallucinations.

Keeps thinking he's seeing SQQ in the corner of his eyes, or wandering between the trees, amongst a group of disciples. Thinks he hears him calling for him, but its just the wind or another disciple.

Gets Xiu Ya reforged but patently fucking refuses to make a sword mound. Because his disciple Is Not Dead :))) There was No Body. He's Not Dead. And If You keep Insisting That He Is, He's Gonna Skewer You :). He's holding onto Xiu Ya so he can return his most favored disciple's sword when he returns. It's on his hip right next to Zheng Yang where it's supposed to be.

Also this motherfucker?? does not sleep btw. He has the image of SQQ, wide eyed and hysterical and standing at the mouth of the abyss burned into his fucking eyelids. Can't use the dreamscape to escape it either because he keeps trying to save him and either he does and it's an incredibly cruel trick to wake up to, or he doesn't and he gets his heart broken in several different pieces again.

There is no convincing this man that Shen Qingqiu is dead. Absolutely nothing at all. He is buried so deep in denial that moles would be jealous of how deep he is. He keeps making tea for two in the bamboo house only to remember that it's just him. SQQ's fans are hiding everywhere, little reminders of his presence. He goes to wake up SQQ on the mornings he sleeps in-- only to find the room empty.

[rendevok]

Moon dance 🌕✨

[buppkizz]

these 2 dragging sniper out of isolation to come hang

[artsymeeshee]

I just realized Stan has a crack in his glasses in your newest Instinct page

Now he and Ford match <3

[ninjasmudge]

Maid-fu Lamba

here is some context for why theyre maids

[blakbonnet]

actual scene from the show that was cut

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

anyone else have multiple traumatic memories associated specifically with holidays/family vacations? because that is a topic I never see discussed in all the So You Had A Shitty Childhood, Now What? self-help books i've been reading. but for me, it was a significant thing. and the more i think about it the more it seems like this would be an (unfortunately) common experience. would be grateful to hear if this matches other peoples' experiences...

[hinamie]

mentor

[inkskinned]

before you know about women, you hear that you do not need to love the man, just that you need to love him through his manhood. which is to say you have seen the future painted in lamb's blood over your eyes - how your mother shoots you a look about your father's inability to cook right. how your aunt holds her wineglass and says i'm gonna kill em. men, right! how your best friend bickers with her boyfriend, how she says i can't help it. i come back to him.

you learn: men are gonna cheat. men aren't going to listen when you're talking, because you're nagging. men think emotions are stupid. they think your life is vapid and your hobbies are embarrassing. men will slam things, but that's because men are allowed to be angry. if you get loud, you're hysterical. if a man gets loud - well, men are animals, men are dogs, men can't control their hands or their eyes or their bodies. they're going to make a snide comment about you in the locker room, about your body, about how you're so fucking annoying. you're going to give him kids, and he will give you the money for the kids, and you're going to be running the house 24/7 - but he gets to relax after a long day, because his job is stressful. the man is on stage, and is a comedian, and says "women!"

and you are supposed to love that. you are supposed to love men through how horrible they are to you - because that's what women do. that's what good women do. wife material. your father even told you once - it'll make sense when you're older. it was like staring down a very lonely tunnel.

it feels like something's caught in your throat, but it's all you know, so. it's okay that you see sex as a necessary tool, a sort of okay-enough ritual to keep him happy, even though he doesn't seem to care about happiness as-applied-to you. it is relationship upkeep. it is kissing him and smiling even though he didn't brush his teeth. it is getting on your knees and looking up and holding back a sigh because he barely holds you as you panic through the night. it's not like the sex is bad and you do like feeling wanted. and besides! he's a man! like... they're another species. you'll never be able to actually communicate, right. he isn't listening.

you just don't get it. you don't feel that sense of i'm gonna climb him like a tree. mostly it just feels fucking exhausting. you play the part perfectly. you smile and nod and are "effortlessly" charming. and it's fine! it's alright! you even love him, if you're looking. you could have good life, and a good family, and perfectly happy.

in the late night you google: am i broken. you google i'm not attracted to my husband. you google i get turned on by books but not by him. you google how to get better in bed.

the first time he yells at you, it almost feels like blankness. like - of course this is happening. this is always how it was going to end up. men get angry, and they yell, and you sit there in silence.

you mention it to your friend - just the once - while you're drunk. she shrugs and says it's like that with me too, i just try to forget and move on. men are always gonna hear what they want to. pick your battles and say sorry even though he's in the wrong. you play solitaire online for a month. you go to your therapist appointment and preach about how you're both so in love.

after all, you have a future to want. nobody lied about it - how many instagram posts say marriage is hard. say real love takes work. say we fight like cats and dogs but the best part is that we always make up. how many of your friends say happy anniversary to the best and worst thing to ever happen to me. if you really loved him - loved yourself too - you'd accept that men are just different from you.

the first time she kisses you, it's on a dare at a party. something large and terrifying whips through your body. you wake up sweating from dreams where her mouth is encrusted with pearls and you pick them off one by one with your teeth. fuck. you sit at the computer and your almost-finished game of sim city. you think about your potential perfect life and your potential future family. you google am i gay quiz with your little hands shaking.

you delete each letter slowly. you don't need to love him. you just need to keep going.

[fanaticalthings]

[Jason and Steph hanging out at Jay's apartment]

Jason: So you and Tim are like, done, right?

Steph: Oh yeah, it's definitely over. It was pretty mutual, too.

Jason: Oh, thank God. I didn't wanna say it, but it was a bit annoying whenever I invited you over, and you dragged Tim with you.

Steph: yeahhh sorry about that

Jason: It's just nice spending quality time without the rest of the bats butting in. I already have enough to deal with whenever I visit the manor.

Steph: Well, you don't have to worry about that anymore. I'm gonna be 100% batboy/Robin-free from now on!

---

Steph showing up to Jason's apartment 1 month later with Cass in tow: So here's the thing-

[mishaesque]