#this came to me while i was at work yesterday

[ellecdc]

head cold revelations

Finnick Odair x fem!reader who has a cold [980 words]

CW: sick fic, modern au, relationship is still early days, Finnick realizes he loves her and tells her so - completely self indulgent because I'm sick and somewhat delirious and I need Finnick fussing over me

Your entire existence was tension. Your throat: swollen. Your jaw: clenched. Your eyes: screwed shut. Your brows: furrowed. Hopelessly wound tight since you’d noticed the first telltale symptoms of your cold. 

Cool fingers pressed up against your head. A loving gesture with a question in it; are you okay?

You slept through your opportunity to answer, but it was the verbalization of his concern that woke you. 

“My poor girl.” 

You managed to open one eye first, and then the second; face to face with Finnick who still had his jacket on as he perched on the edge of the bed and looked down at you with no shortage of pity. 

You tried out his name but ended up choking on it, shoving your face into your pillow in an attempt to save him from your germs. 

You hummed appreciatively when his cool fingers settled at the nape of your neck.

“What are- did we have plans?” You croaked, turning your face back to Finnick who - if you weren’t mistaken - seemed somewhat bashful at your question.

“Well, you seemed somewhat…off over text yesterday and went to bed quite early for my little night owl.” He paused to smirk when you flushed at his accusation and then again at his endearment. “And by the time I got off work I realized I still hadn’t heard from you. I tried calling, but-”

“My phone.” You groaned, trying to sit up and failing miserably, allowing Finnick to settle you back down into your pillows. “I- it died, somewhere. And I couldn’t find it.” 

“How long have you been this sick, honey?” He asked, tone heavy under the weight of his sympathy as he brushed a few damp baby hairs away from your forehead with a gentle thumb. 

“I…I guess I woke up kind of sick yesterday.” You allowed, your hand circling Finnick’s wrist on its own volition, encouraging him to keep with his ministrations. “It’s gotten worse.”

“I’d say so.” He agreed. 

“Sorry for worrying you.”

His brows furrowed at that. “I’m sorry I didn’t check on you sooner, sweetheart. Makes me sad thinking you were sitting here all sickly with no one to dote on you.” 

“I’m not sickly.” You argued halfheartedly, knowing the nasally and grating quality of your voice disputed your claims. “M’just sick.” 

“M’kay.” Finnick appeased though he clearly didn’t agree with you. “I’d feel a lot better myself if you let me dote on you; would that be okay?”

“You don’t have to.” You tried. 

“Please?” He continued, and, really, how could you say no to him?

Finnick wondered if it wasn’t perhaps a touch inappropriate for him to show up at your apartment; the two of you were relatively new in your relationship, and while he did know where you hid your spare key, it’s not knowledge that he’d brought himself to use as of yet.

But you’d been short and nearly snarky with him yesterday over text which was very unusual for your sweet, usually sunny disposition. You’d mentioned being tired at nearly 6:30 in the evening and then promptly stopped replying. He woke up this morning, sent you a text as he often did, and by the time he got off of work you still hadn’t replied. When he tried calling and your phone went straight to voicemail, he was officially concerned. 

And then he found you in your bed, struggling to breathe through your nose and having minimal success in breathing through your mouth. Finnick had slept with you before, but apparently when you were sick you had a habit of mumbling and muttering in your sleep. 

He perched himself on the edge of your bed and gently brushed his fingers against your head, watching a divot appear between your brows as you murmured something that sounded an awful lot like his name. 

Once you agreed to let him stay, he tidied up your living room and kitchen and put on a pot of soup as the kettle came to a boil for some tea. It felt incredibly domestic; he loved it. 

He loved you. 

He was in love with you.

It was a revelation he expected to have one evening when the two of you were laughing at a show or movie, or when you were finishing up one of your dates and couldn’t bring yourselves to say goodbye, or when he woke up next to you in the early morning light. 

But the revelation came to him when he had you sitting at your own kitchen table, wrapped up in a throw blanket as you blinked blearily at the bowl in front of you; eyes half-lidded as focus and attention evaded you between your fever and congestion. 

He refrained from telling you, not wanting to freak you out when you were clearly in a vulnerable state, but he found his willpower fading as he watched you all but nodding off into your bowl of soup. 

“Guess I should’ve brought your dinner to you in bed, hm?” He asked you, earning him nothing more than a sleepy hum of agreement. He figured you’d probably agree with him if he told you he wanted to shave his head, too. 

“I love you.” He murmured, purposely quiet in hopes you didn’t hear, but felt his stomach clench when your eyes widened at his proclamation. 

In an attempt to save himself the mortifying ordeal of being known, he tried to dispel the weight of the moment by gently booping your chapped nose which - devastatingly - elicited a violent round of sneezes. 

“Fuck, honey I’m so sorry.” He cooed as they finally subsided, running back to the table with a box of tissues in his hand. 

“S’okay,” You sighed tiredly, holding a tissue to your nose and returning your cheek to your fist as you let your eyes fall closed again, “ ‘cause I love you too.” 

He'd have to tell you again when you were more lucid, even if you didn't say it back, just so that you knew he meant it.

[totallyanopossum]

COD, Ghost, drabble

The new tech will look good in my clothes

Maybe I'll make a part 2

She was great, maybe a bit too enthusiastic about her job but no one could say she wasn't effective. Her job saved it and became her passion. Joining the military, becoming a special operator got her away from her horrid family and let her work out some deep rooted anger issues,so when her knee messed up permanently it hits hard that she can't serve anymore and can't kill anymore. While stuck recovering she wonders if life is even worth it but she never gave up before she's not gonna start now.

After healing from her injury she goes to her old captain asking for any job she can get he sends her to see squad 141 maybe she can be tech or assistant for them. She goes with hope. She gets there and meets with captain Price, her old captain called him and talked her up and her situation. Price says “I could use a tech opp. It's not field work but we are always busy here with top jobs”. She takes the position, she's in an office but she still gets to contribute and that's gonna have to be enough

She meets the guys as they come and go, some drop off gathered Intel, others come to pick up intel files from her. A big guy called Ghost has even brought her tea. It was nice even though he doesn't speak more than 3 words tops.

It's stormy today and there's also a group meeting, so as she goes to the conference room her knee pain is increasing and she limps a bit to take weight off. She doesn't have an ace bandage with her, the storm came out of nowhere. Ghost sees her limp to her seat, after the meeting he stops her and asks what's wrong, she explains rain makes her old injury hurt and she doesn't have an ace bandage. Not long after she's gets back to her office, Ghost comes in and hands her bandages and pain killer, she thanks him, he says “visits the medic if you ever need something.”

She works late sometimes cause deadlines or cause she gets invested and forgets about time. Ghost forgot something in his office and went to get it. He saw the light on under your door and knocked to see if you were there or if the light was left on. The knock startles you and you say “come in”, he comes in “what are you still doing here this late”, she looks at the clock,“shit it is I didn't realize ... uhh fuck”. She rubs at her face and starts looking for her keys. “You shouldn't drive this late just stay here”,”I don't have a room here”, “follow me”.She grabs her bag and follows him, he slows his pace to accommodate her short legs and limp.

He pulls a key ring and opens the door on the first try, he turns on the lights. “it's unoccupied but stocked with basics” ,he pulls off the key and hands it to her, “you should have a room here anyways”, “thank you lieutenant”, “goodnight” he walks away. She checks out the room, she finds a change of clothes, they are big but will work to sleep, there's an attached bath she washes up, changes and gets in the bed. It's not very soft but she's tired and it works and she falls asleep.

She wakes in the morning and the new surroundings confuse her for a minute but she remembered what happened, but now she's concerned about getting breakfast. They must serve it in the mess hall. She'd eaten lunch there a few times. Her just woken confused brain heads to the mess hall still in the big army clothes. She finds it pretty empty, she gets food and sits. Soap walks in and does a double take seeing her, he stops by her table and says “am I seeing things”, she says “nope or we both are”. Ghost comes in and sees soap sitting with her when he sees her wearing army basics that are way too big he thinks how she's so cute like that. He sits with them and asks “how's the room?”, “blankets could be softer but was good got real confused when I woke up though”, “ you slept here?”, “no I just came here really early to enjoy the breakfast and put on army regs way too big for me”. Ghost huffs a laugh, she explains “I lost track of time yesterday and ghost gave me a room.. might not be too bad staying here actually”. Ghost hopes this happens more often just so he can see her in those big clothes, he makes a mental note to slip some of his clothes in there.

[myownwholewildworld]

BOOM SHAKALAKAAAA

wow it's been a while since i listened to that song 🤣 and just because you're matching my freak (assuming you're the same nonnie lmao), here you have another sneak peek 👀

warnings: 18+, mdni. joel petting your butthole. mention of rimming. general filth under the cut to quench your thirst ⬇️

“Do you forgive me, sir?” Joel gave you a stern look before he slapped your ass cheek, and you winced in response. “I’ll think about it, kiddo,” he already had, but wouldn’t tell you yet. “What can I do to help you make up your mind, sir?” a single tear skidded through your cheek, bottom lip still quivering. Joel loved how easy you would tear up, you were a natural when it came to acting. “There’s this one thing I have in mind,” Joel muttered, his thumb ghosting your butthole. “So clean, sugar. Can’t fucking wait to dive in.” “I washed myself really well for you, sir. I used an enema too,” you whispered, averting your eyes shyly. “So no messy sex?” Joel almost sounded disappointed, but he was just toying with you. “No, I couldn’t, sir,” you bit down your bottom lip, eyes shut and the apples of your face burning with shame, when the pad of his thumb gently pressed the tight ring in your crack. “Oh…” “You like that, don’t you? All this time denying me my right to fuck your ass, and now look at ya, begging to have your butthole impaled. Did rimming your tight ass yesterday change your mind?” You shook your head yes eagerly and pushed your hips backwards until your ass was resting on his lap, thumb still stroking you right where you needed. You rubbed your buttocks against his jeans, your weeping seam sliding on his zipper. “I-I loved it. I’m s-so ready now, sir,” you stuttered, pouting when he stood up. “You poor little thing. Let’s break this seal then, shall we? But I need you to work me hard first.”

[aishangotome]

Azel Radwan: Chapter 3

Chapter 2

Thank you @shatcey for providing the video for this chapter!

♡———♡

Azel: Good evening. I've been wanting to see you, you know?

When I came to, I was here again.

In this rose garden full of buds, there’s a man with an otherworldly appearance, resting his hand on an oak table.

I have a strange feeling like this has happened before, or maybe it hasn't.

(Somehow, only the presence of this Living God feels strangely vivid.)

Emma: ...A dream, right?

Azel: Oh? There's no way to prove which is the dream and which is reality.

Azel: Human wisdom hasn't progressed enough to unravel the mysteries of dreams.

Azel: It's possible that you being here is actually reality, and vice versa.

(I kind of understand, but I kind of don't.)

Azel: By the way, are you good at cooking?

Suddenly switching from a mystical topic to a realistic one, it took me a while to grasp the meaning.

Emma: I wouldn't say I'm good at it, but I can make decent food.

Azel: That's good. Actually, I've been interested in the local cuisine of Rhodolite.

Emma: ...Why are you suddenly bringing this up?

Azel: Because I know what will happen in the future.

Azel: When the time comes, you'll understand my intentions.

(It's hard to believe, but I guess that's how Gods are.)

Azel: By the way, I haven't had dinner today.

Emma: Eh? Are you feeling unwell?

Azel: No, it's due to various circumstances.

Azel: You're supposed to be a kind-hearted woman. You wouldn't do something cruel like leave a God on the verge of starvation, would you?

Emma: ...Rather than a prophecy, it feels like you're blatantly pressuring me to "come and cook for you."

Azel: Not at all, not at all. I'm just telling you that I prefer hearty meals to sweets, but I have no ulterior motives.

(I feel like there's nothing but ulterior motives.)

Azel: Besides, "you" over there hardly remembers what happened here.

Azel: There's no point in pressuring you, is there?

Prince Azel smiles mercifully – and the world begins to distort.

Azel: Ah, I'm looking forward to it.

Azel: –– ...I just happened to need a slave.

-

I woke up with a start, drawn by the light, and found myself in the guest room that had been given to me yesterday.

(I think I had another dream.)

(...It was a dream with the Living God in it.)

As usual, my memories crumbled away.

What remained today was the puzzling information "hearty meals, not sweets," and a chilling, inexplicable pounding of my heart.

(It wasn't a nightmare, but... how strange.)

-

Emma: There's something I've been wondering about...

Emma: Owner, what's that?

The city surrounding Tanzanite Castle was even more lively than Rhodolite.

The reason was obvious; everywhere I looked, there were tourists who seemed to have come from foreign countries.

Some people were enjoying food bought from stalls, while others were browsing souvenir shops selling pottery and textiles, which were local specialties. But what drew the most attention was the statue of the Living God, sitting majestically in the center of the city.

(I only passed by yesterday, so I couldn't get a good look at it...)

(Looking at it now, it's a spitting image of the real thing.)

Akatsuki: It's a tourist attraction. It's famous as a power spot where wishes come true.

Emma: Ah, that's why so many people are praying.

Akatsuki: You want to go too?

Emma: No... I'll pass.

(My wish is "to fall in love," so somehow I feel like I shouldn't pray to this statue.)

(...Really, it's just a feeling.)

Emma: So, what are we doing today?

Akatsuki: We're delivering an item that was requested.

Emma: So the Living God wasn't your only client?

Akatsuki: I have about 100 business partners in Tanzanite.

(That many...?)

Akatsuki: Sometimes I sell books, sometimes I exchange them for other books.

Akatsuki: Watch and learn.

Emma: Yes! I'll do my best to learn.

(This is completely different from looking after the shop. I have to work hard.)

Renewing my determination, I chased after the Owner's back as he walked ahead.

But I soon stopped in my tracks.

Akatsuki: ...Seems like something's happening.

Emma: ...!

The crowd gathered a short distance away was different from the others; they were buzzing with commotion.

Thanks to the Tanzanite soldiers, people were already starting to disperse, but through the thinning crowd, I could see a man with a swollen face.

Emma: He's badly injured. Was it a fight?

???: Something like that. It's been happening a lot lately.

(Ah, that voice...)

When I turned around, I saw Basil carrying a large amount of luggage, and Kamal, whose beauty, as always, was attracting attention.

Basil: I suspect a diviner misread the divine oracle.

Emma: What do you mean?

Basil: Divination in Tanzanite is considered to be the interpretation of the divine oracle, which reads the will of God from the stars.

Basil: Since Prince Azel is a God himself, his words directly become divine oracles...

Basil: Diviners are required to be skilled in how well they can interpret the will of God.

(Speaking of which...)

*flashback*

Azel: The basis of divination in our country is astrology.

Emma: Astrology...?

Azel: It's what you call astrology. What's popular here is unique to Tanzanite.

*back to present*

(Unique, so that's what he meant.)

Basil: However, it seems that many diviners have been misinterpreting the divine oracle lately...

Basil: Customers who are angry about the blasphemy against God sometimes lash out like that.

It was a logic I couldn't understand.

(I think divination is something that can be right sometimes and wrong sometimes.)

Emma: ...Are mistakes not allowed?

Basil: Well, divination is something that can change a person's life.

Basil: In this country, to call yourself a divinator, you need to have a certain level of resolution or preparedness.

(I guess I don't understand because I'm from another country.)

Basil: The idea that Prince Azel's thoughts are something that a mere divinator can read is preposterous.

I felt a shadow fall over Basil's face as he pushed up his glasses.

(Basil also has something on his mind, and that's dangerous!)

As he touched his glasses, the balance of his luggage was disrupted, and the Owner supported it with a speed invisible to the eye.

Basil: Oh dear, I'm so sorry! Thank you very much.

Akatsuki: Don't mind it. But, is this for a feast?

(I thought so too.)

The contents of Basil's luggage were a large quantity of groceries.

It was such an amount that it seemed difficult even to walk while looking ahead, and at least I wouldn't be able to carry it.

Basil: No, it's just an errand.

Basil: It certainly feels like there's more than usual, but I'm sure there's some noble reason for it.

("Noble reason" means it's an errand for Prince Azel, right?)

Only Basil was running the errand; Kamal was empty-handed.

When our eyes met, his long, beautiful fingers pulled out a letter.

The envelope was presented to the Owner.

Akatsuki: An additional order?

The Owner, who opened the seal on the spot, furrowed his brow at the letter he took out.

Emma: ...What's wrong?

Akatsuki: It says they found a clue to the book I was looking for.

Akatsuki: ...But it's suspicious.

Emma: Isn't that a good thing?

Akatsuki: If they were willing to tell me like this, they could have told me yesterday.

Akatsuki: Yet they deliberately contacted me later. And they're telling me to come and get the clue.

(...Indeed, I wonder if there's some intention behind it.)

Basil: Well, Prince Azel also apologized for that.

Basil: He said, "I accidentally forgot to tell you."

Akatsuki: .............

Akatsuki: In the first place, I don't have time to go get it for a while.

(I'm sure he has appointments to meet with his clients after this.)

(...But I think the information about the book is something the Owner desperately wants...)

(It might be rude to refuse the goodwill of a God.)

(Alright, this is where the assistant comes in.)

I raise my hand and volunteer to the Owner, who has a grim expression on his face.

Emma: Shall I go and get it?

-

Azel: My apologies… I am truly sorry.

Prince Azel warmly welcomed me when I visited his residence with Basil and Kamal, after parting ways with the Owner.

The way he emerged from the building with such perfect timing, as if he had foreseen everything, made me truly believe that he possesses some extraordinary power.

Azel: Thank you for your hard work, you two. Please bring the luggage inside.

Basil was frozen with his eyes sparkling, saying "H-huh..." Kamal grabbed him and pulled him inside.

(Now it's just the two of us.)

Emma: I've come on behalf of the Owner. I heard that you would give me a clue about the book...

Azel: Yes. I will give you a map.

Prince Azel turns his back to me and starts walking.

His eyes urge me to "follow me," so I follow him, but he's fast.

(Are his legs long, or is he just unusually fast...!)

I desperately chase after him, and as I follow Prince Azel through the uniquely shaped entrance---

Emma: ………… Huh?

I stop involuntarily, blink a few times, and pinch my cheeks.

It hurt like normal.

Azel: What's wrong?

Emma: No...

(Wh... what's going on here!?)

It was a shock, as if I had stepped into another world.

Unlike the weathered exterior walls, the interior was so neatly maintained that it didn't feel like it had 1000 years of history, and there was no sign of the precariousness that made it seem like it was about to collapse.

It's hard to say it was a brand new building, but the description of a "castle" truly suited it.

(I initially thought it was a solitary castle in the desert, and maybe I wasn't far off.)

Emma: The atmosphere is quite different from the exterior.

Azel: Of course, I can't just live in a 1000-year-old building as it is.

Azel: It's under major renovation right now.

Azel: The right side is mostly finished with renovations, so there's no problem, but the left side has partially collapsed.

Azel: If you happen to walk around here, never go to the left side.

Azel: If you do happen to enter it–

Emma: ...If I do?

Azel: Hehe.

(I'll be careful not to accidentally wander in there.)

Azel: Please be careful where you step.

Prince Azel goes up the stairs and proceeds to the right.

While chasing after him at a running pace, I casually glance to the left, and even though the sun should be directly overhead, it seems like a dim darkness lingers there.

(...I wonder if it's because the renovations aren't finished yet.)

After passing through the entrance hall, there's a corridor, which is also beautifully repaired.

At the end of the corridor where Prince Azel strode purposefully, there was a door.

Azel: Now, please come in.

Even though I was out of breath, I entered through the open door without a shred of suspicion... and found myself not in a guest room, but a kitchen.

(...Why?)

In the tidy room, the large amount of luggage that Basil had been carrying was carelessly placed. As I picked up a fruit that had rolled out of a bag, question marks popped up in my mind one after another.

Emma: Prince Azel... is the map in the kitchen?

Azel: Of course not, you idiot.

(!?)

(What? I just heard him speak like a different person...)

The door slams shut.

Prince Azel leaned against the closed door, blocking my escape route, and the corners of his mouth lifted.

Azel: Now, it's time for collection.

Emma: C-collection?

Azel: Here you go.

A letter, seemingly produced from thin air, is thrust in front of me.

Emma: This is...

I rub my eyes and look again.

No matter how many times I look at it, I can only read it as a "divination fee invoice."

Moreover, the numbers lined up on it were of an exorbitant amount that I had never seen before.

Emma: ...Is this addressed to me?

Azel: Yes, it's addressed to you.

Emma: I'm sorry, but I don't recall this.

Azel: Don't tell me you thought a God's divination was free?

Emma: ...Eh?

Azel: Wow, how rude. Don't underestimate me, okay?

(The divination from yesterday, it wasn't free!?)

I hurriedly pulled myself together as my senses started to fade.

Emma: But you said it was a thank you gift...!

Azel: There are many people who want to receive my divination but can't.

Azel: The thank you gift is the "right to receive divination."

Emma: You didn't say a word about that!

Azel: Well, it's common sense.

Emma: I don't know any such common sense!

Azel: Don't blame your ignorance on me.

(This is a scammer's tactic!?)

The me of yesterday, who thought he was a merciful and kind God – it seems I was seeing an illusion.

(Maybe this is his true nature.)

*flashback*

Clavis: But it's surprising. You're the current "Belle," and you're good at seeing through people's true nature, right?

Clavis: ...No, that's not right. Or rather, is it that impression precisely because you "saw through" it?

Clavis: Hmm, very interesting. I wonder if it's me who's seeing the illusion, or you.

*back to present*

(–That's what he meant. How pathetic of me, even though I'm Belle.)

Azel: Ah, but please rest assured. I'm not so cruel as to say "pay now."

Azel: We have two payment methods available: cash or labor.

(I can't feel assured at all.)

Azel: You don't seem to have any money, do you?

Azel: To repay this amount, you'll have to work like a slave...

Azel: Good luck.

His benevolent smile fueled my anger.

(Everyone's been deceived.)

(This person is not a merciful God at all. Rather...)

Emma: You, evil God!

Azel: Oh my, are those insults? As expected, a foreign girl is quite spirited.

Azel: But you see...

As I glared at him, Prince Azel grabbed my chin with his large hand–

Azel: Shall I show you what happens if you defy me?

.

.

.

Letter

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to buy me a coffee here! :)

[ariesalpinesavi]

Ram is absolutely short rampage! And to answer you friend, this happened last year, I was driving by the family's house yesterday and was reminded of Dodge.

So this elderly woman, bleeding heart, took in some displaced livestock but these were her first goats and sheep. I went to school with her daughter and she knew I used to show goats as a kid so she called me up and asked if I could help get her new animals hooves trimmed up. They definitely weren't going to be in good shape and definitely hadn't been socialized for it properly, but screw it. I had to be in the area for some other animals anyway and she had Parkinsons so I went out to see them.

So we got there and she had 3 Nubian does, momma and her two adult daughters, plus a fully horned ram - and when I say ram I really mean a RAM. Typically I work with goats, not sheep, so like the first word that comes to mind when I saw this guy was "bucky". I wish so badly that somebody had castrated this ram years ago.

Since this ram came from his previous home where he was being housed with these same does and he was uncastrated i knew he would likely get aggressive. So we tied him to a post inside the barn as I slowly worked on the Nubians bit by bit. I would focus on him once the girls were done.

I was working on some specific obedience training and exposure to livestock with my dog, so I brought her along with me (spoilers thank goodness I did lol) who was just outside the pasture fence.

I was fairly distracted working on the Nubians, they were scared and I was lecturing this woman on things like not feeding the sheep and goats together, keeping collars or halters around, her goats need access to salt and baking soda, ect. the whole time. The woman mentioned that Dodge loves his girls and is very protective of them. I mentioned he probably needs to be castrated, even if it's late now.

I had no idea that while we were catching does and talking, Dodge the ram had broken his tie, smashed through the backdoor and had lined himself up with me. I was bent over, working on the front hoof of a Nubian, head down, when my dog started barking. Looking up to scold her, I saw Dodge at last second as he burst forward. I was able to deflect the skull bash just enough for the Nubian to take the flat of his head with hers. She shook it off no problem but both of their skulls are built like 4 inch thick steel. Mine is absolutely not lol I know not to leave my head low when working around goats and sheep but I really thought he was confined in the barn! And oh boy, he was PISSED that me, some stranger, was chasing his girls around and scaring the shit out of them! He wanted me gone, anyway he could get me gone and saw his chance lol

I went back a couple more times for follow up pedicures and I made absolutely sure not to underestimate Dodge ever again 😂

Occasionally I do farrier work on some friends goat and sheep herds, but I legit can not stop thinking bout this one ram named Dodge who nearly killed me for working on the does he lived with

[dendroaspis-viridis]

You know he keeps pain meds in one of his satchels.

[theecholegend]

Shattered

Who I am from the start, take me home to my heart

[kyouka-supremacy]

(˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)

[fortjester]

“I’d like to play you another song about suicidal depression. It’s about – if you are a certain type of person – me – . . . uh, you hear about somebody who did something horrible and drastic and you feel bad, but there’s a part of you that goes, ‘what, that’s, now I know, now I recognize my kind, because he did that.’ So this is about a guy who did a terrible thing and he couldn’t live with the memory of it, and so he went and did a worse thing, and it’s called ‘Cry for Judas.’”

- John Darnielle, frontman of the Mountain Goats

[o-sunny-day]

TOMORROW.

[the-eldritch-it-gay]

Alchemy

Content warnings: Abuse, emotional abuse, unhealthy power dynamics (takes place when Majexatli was 18/19, snapshot of their relationship with Althyran)

//

“I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t care about you, Asha,” 

Althyran’s tired frown was just visible in the small looking glass in front of Majexatli. Majexatli bit their tongue, stopping themselves from saying something rash, holding back a whimper as Althyran’s comb snagged on a knot in their hair.

“I know,” Majexatli said eventually.

“You have so much potential, you’ve come so far by my side, look at all that I’ve helped you accomplish. Where you be without me? What would you have without me? Who would look out for you if I wasn’t there?” 

“I know, I’m sorry,” Majexatli winced as his comb once again pulled harshly at a knot.

Whether the apology or their pain, something made Althyran pause for a moment. After a beat of silence, Althyran untangled their hair now with a sudden gentleness.

He sighed.

“It’s alright, darling, I don’t mean to be harsh on you. I love you, you know that, right?”

“I know, it’s alright,”

“No, no, it’s not, I know you’re only doing your best, you just didn’t know. I’ve just been so stressed, but I shouldn’t take it out on you. Let me make it up to you?” 

Althyran set down the comb on the table and wrapped his arms around Majexatli, pressing a gentle kiss to their shoulder.

“You don’t have to—” 

“I want to, Asha, here,” Althyran pulled back, reaching into his satchel and pulling out something Majexatli couldn’t see, “I was hoping to wait for a special occasion, but I got you something. Put out your hands,” 

 Into Majexatli’s open hands, Althyran placed a beautiful silver hair stick, one of ornate elven design set with a piece of polished turquoise. It looked like it cost more gold than Majexatli had ever seen in their life.

“I— I can’t accept this—” 

“Of course you can, you deserve it,” Majexatli could see the way he smiled as he wrapped his arms around them again, “Plus, it’s magical. The stone will let me find you wherever you are, so you never have to be alone,”

Never having to be alone again… it was all Majexatli wanted. Althyran’s honeyed words pushed the pain and anxiety out of their mind.

Majexatli held the hair stick close to their chest, “Thank you…” 

Althyran kissed their bruised temple before standing up.

“Did you extract the swarming toadstool?”

“Yes,” 

Majexatli nodded to their bag. They moved to grab it, but Althyran beat them to it, pulling out the small glass jar filled with a pale yellow-green dust. 

“Excellent work, it’s perfect. You’ve come so far since we first started,” 

The praise warmed something in Majexatli’s chest, they could even feel tears welling up in their eyes.

“No one saw you with it, right? Or knew you went to the Underdark?” 

“No, no one saw. I did everything like you said,” 

“Good,”

Althyran placed the jar down on the table after another moment looking it over.

“What do you need the swarming toadstool for?” Majexatli asked, hoping to help, take initiative, to get him in a good mood, “You’ve just said, I’ve gotten really good with my herbalism, maybe I can help—” 

Majexatli cut themselves off as they looked up at Althyran and saw something flicker across his face, a dark, grave expression that seemed to suck all of the air and warmth from the tent.

“You don’t need to worry about it, it’s not for you to know. It is a dangerous thing, curiosity,” 

“I’m sorry,” Majexatli’s voice was small, trembling.

Althyran’s face softened slightly, but he didn’t speak, didn’t reassure them or comfort them. He simply nodded, grabbing the jar of swarming toadstool essence and placing it in his satchel. 

The silence was heavy, tense. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go, they had practiced what they were going to say, practiced how they would speak up—

“I was, um, I was going to go to the infirmary later,” Majexatli started, trying to cling to a confidence they had already lost.

Althyran paused, narrowing his eyes.

“Why?”

Tell him. He should be happy, right? Just tell him.

“I, um, nothing really. Just. My leg, and um, I thought maybe—I mean. It’s just my leg, it’s just my leg” 

The lie hurt to say, each word like pulling teeth. Majexatli wasn’t even sure why they were lying, they shouldn’t need to lie.

“If that’s the case, I can save you the trouble and talk to Lysaia or her apprentice myself and get you something for the pain,” 

“Okay, yeah, thank you,” Majexatli nodded, looking down at the floor, “Are you going to stay for the night?”

“Oakfather willing. Believe me, there’s no place I’d rather be, but I have something important I need to get to first. I’ll be back before you fall asleep,” Althyran smiled gently in a way that did nothing to comfort Majexatli.

“Okay, I'll see you when you come back,” 

After Althyran left, Majexatli blew out the candles in their tent and crawled into their cot. Curling up on their side, they once again held the hair stick to their chest, tracing the intricate curves with their thumb as they tried to lull themselves to sleep.

They left a spot on the cot for Althyran when he would return. 

Majexatli knew, though, that come morning, they would still be alone.

[regular-lord-reckoner]

i’m home !!

procedure went real well, everything was really smooth and almost as soon as they said, “you can count backwards if you want,” i don’t think i even said ten before i was suddenly in recovery and sipping some ginger ale.

honestly the worst part was the iv because they had to do it on the side of my wrist because apparently my veins are crooked ?? i just hate ivs anyway so that’s no surprise but other than that no complaints.

everyone was real nice and made sure i was well taken care of (my nurse even had me pee one more time before so she wouldn’t have to do a catheter which with my history…..thank you)

but yeah, i’ll have a follow up in about a month just to make sure everything’s good and the iud is doing its thing !!

i do have some cramping and bleeding but that’s normal, although a little funny because i literally just stopped my period yesterday but…oh well !! hopefully in a few months i won’t have hardly any so this we can handle and i hace some medicine (and my ~medicine) that’ll help so i’m all set.

mom had to go run some errands so my little recovery buddy is keeping me company. also, a moment of recognition for my new favorite shirt (thank you as always, Boss Dog Art; i’ve already got my eye on another one that says, “i think therefore i am against transphobia around the world” or something like that and it’s got a cool skeleton on it; this is my third shirt from them and they’re really comfy and good quality so not sponsored but check them out, they seem cool):

[psielapki]

the horrors persist but so do i

[doberbutts]

🎶 It's been a long day without you, my friend.

And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again.

We've come a long way from where we began.

Oh I'll tell you all about it when I see you again. 🎶

[insert-game]

anyone else about 1 more wrong thing happening from exploding

[merge-conflict]

had an awful migraine all yesterday which is 80% gone (why the Fuck is it so bright here does anyone else want to borrow this sun for a bit?) but also basically wrote and finished a chapter which I'll now have to set aside in the fridge for later But. Goddamn. Getting the right blends of herbs and spices for the Johnny POV (annoyance, disgust, possessiveness, Wildly Horny, curious, smug, oddly pleased,Shut Up We Are Not Talking About This) where Valentine and Goro are having their emotional reunion/goodbye fuck was the only thing keeping me going yesterday.