#this blogger has mental illness

[twothpaste]

the way my claus ended up being an unexpectedly forgiving sort of person, albeit stemming from such abysmal guilt and low self-worth..?? they struggle to hold onto blame, since they themself fucked up so severely they almost killed their brother and exploded the planet earth. "out of all people, i guess i don't got the right to judge." they feel anger, and sometimes outright rage, towards people who wronged them or let them down - but it usually turns inward pretty fast. even as lucas & all their loved ones smother them in forgiveness, they're reluctant to accept it down to their core.

but when they start relinquishing judgment, accepting others for their sins and all, seeing folks like flint & andonuts who did wrong in the past make amends in the present, they develop a funny penchant about it. like "if other people can be worthy of forgiveness, maybe there's a chance i can too…???" it started from a dark place, but ends up with claus kindling this actually uplifting cycle?? they're inspired by others, they put faith in people, they build more faith in themself.

in a weird way, there's grudges lucas holds that claus doesn't. and folks claus is more than happy to grant second chances to, while lucas remains leery. lucas knows a losing battle when he sees one, while claus is more likely to put good faith (ableit clumsy) efforts into convincing others. and to hold out for changes of heart. they both carry on their mother's profound fatih in humanity, but while lucas is more patient and grounded about it, claus is really recklessly hopeful about individual people.

[fornpt1]

me when peppers

[kameonerd566]

My blog turns 10 years old this month I want to make something extra cringe to celebrate >.< I can't believe I've been blogging for a decade now

[cherryredmistakes]

When he’s not texting me back and suddenly I’m sobbing on a bus spam texting and calling my dad begging him to respond to me and not hate me as he ignores me because he’s giving me the silent treatment after an argument because I fucked up

[charmedreincarnation]

MAYA, I MANIFESTED MY DREAM LIFE!!!!

Okay, I don't know if you remember me, but I participated in a lot of your challenges and the Pink’s challenge, and I found some success! I shifted to my wr and manifested some things, but I could never do it consistently, and it was really fucking annoying.

So, I took three months off and worked hard, using subliminals every day and going on affirmation rampages. I was doing lucid dreaming methods, SATs, meditations, yoga nidra, reading spiritual books literally my whole summer was dedicated to shifting and the void state. I was eat sleeping and breathing it because I could not continue to live the way I was even I can even consider that living …

So What did I do

I just followed your challenge because college was starting, and I couldn't go back to school without my dream life for the fourth time, fearing I might actually harm myself. So played the fields with this rampage (together in two different tabs).

During the Day

https://youtu.be/aLsn6ZK4RZ8?si=Dt_j7ChLjNsQ6tpV

https://youtu.be/gBD4Owz1GC0?si=icOkN1DoFsqP-adT

During the day, I would live in the end. I created albums for my desired realities, re-read my scripts, revised my void list because I genuinely believed I was going to succeed, watched supercell shifting videos on YouTube, and stared at my vision board, realizing it was going to be my life the next day, and more!

Overnight

https://youtu.be/JwV297pP9aw?si=Sxx-xlhE_owInoxH

https://youtu.be/DKB5I9y8SEg?si=PI-UaNw2m_VUWYy1

What I Manifested

- Master shifting abilities

- Master void state abilities

- Having my WR to be a perfect heaven

- Making this current reality a dream: desired looks, desired body, never gaining weight, revised wealth and family, dream friend group, a social media following, being worshipped and respected, being so beautiful by my own standards, dream home (I have a mountain range that goes through my backyard and a farm on my land, it’s enormous), revised city, only attracting wealthy, tall, attractive men, pretty privilege, 145 IQ, going to an Ivy League, getting rid of my anxiety and depression, getting rid of my health issues, no toxic family, so much money, and revised my name to Bella because I love Bella Hadid (my old name was Audrey), and so much more.

I know it sounds nothing too crazy compared to other people who manifest powers and trillions of dollars, but I can shift anytime I want. I’m going to my singing desired reality and high school musical Dr soon and I am so excited I have hundreds of places to explore. My life here finally has stability, and I’m so happy. Not waking up with stress, nausea, and diarrhea is a blessing. My house is clean, my family members aren’t fighting and calling me names, my siblings and I are close. I audibly gasp anytime I see myself in the mirror. My phone is always blowing up with people asking me for plans when it used to be dry as hell, and people forgot I even existed. Everywhere I go, people tell me I should model, want to pay for what I’m buying, are so kind, open doors for me, want to help me for no reason, give me discounts, ask me on dates… I’m so happy and confused. I don’t know how to feel. I am genuinely so loved and respected, and on top of that, I get to explore the universe of my favorite shows and movies.

I’m so glad I never gave up, even though these three months were hard and my life had gotten worse, I am finally free, my hard work paid off, and I hope everyone else will do the same. We truly are God! I was afraid this community was some big joke and big bloggers were creative writers or just laughing at delusional people like me, but I can confirm it’s very, very real.

My love I am so proud of you ! And yes I vaguely remember you and your first shift you messaged me about :)!

I am happy your hard work paid off as well. I remember when everything seemed so meaningless and delusional as well and I also thought shifting was some big joke to target mentally ill teens, but the reality is we truly are all god and no amount of doubt and struggle will ever change that truth. I hope you enjoy your dream life, and I am happy I could help 💖

[palms-upturned]

I’m late to this whole debacle but for the record, I have been messaged by people in Gaza who thought that I was involved in the fundraiser vetting process and sent me photos of their government IDs and documentation. I know a little of what Hussein, Nairuz, Ahmed, Ibtisam, and others use to vet people and make sure that they’re legit, and that’s part of why I confidently cite them as a source. To try and discredit them and smear them as scam artists, along with the genocide victims that they’re trying so hard to help, is fucking beyond the pale.

The reason I’ve been inactive on this blog and focusing instead on compiling resources in order to bring more ppl onto the fundraiser blog is that the work I was doing was spiraling into a 12-hour a day endeavor with just myself, and it was making me so physically and mentally ill that I could barely move or think, so I had to step back and figure out a better way to organize things. And I’m not even doing the actually hard part of this work. I do not vet people. I do not have any skin in this game as a white USAmerican. It’s not my family who are dying in Gaza. I also have not been targeted for harassment or account bans. I literally cannot fucking fathom the physical and mental strain that Palestinian bloggers on this platform have been going through nonstop for nearly a year now.

I still remember being shocked when I saw that Hussein had come back to tumblr after having to take a break due to having a heart attack. Ibtisams, who vetted people and organized all sorts of fundraising efforts all while grieving her father and little sister killed in Gaza, was forced to come back to tumblr to make a statement about how she was in an inpatient facility because people had the gall to impersonate her in order to scam people. Ahmed literally escaped Gaza because of a very well documented fundraising effort here on tumblr, no thanks to the cunts at GoFundMe who made things as difficult as possible every step of the way, and has since spent time and effort helping other people who had hopes of sharing his success. Calling these people scammers is fucking unbelievable. Some of you wouldn’t know solidarity if it bit you in the ass.

If getting messages in your inbox from people trying to escape a genocide makes you uncomfortable, fucking suck it up. Or disable your inbox, I guess. Do literally anything else besides using your platform to direct harassment and slander at people who are trying to survive a genocide. This website is already quite literally engaging in tech apartheid by targeting users in Gaza so constantly, you don’t need to gleefully join in by tagging staff and asking them to terminate people. Fucking unconscionable behavior. I hope that it will follow everyone involved for the rest of their lives.

[mercurianchild]

hey babe, i read somewhere that youre a therapist!! are you a psychologist and can you make astro observations about mental health/mental illnesses and what placements or signs can be prone to it? 😍 that’d be so interesting!! thank you babe hope you have a nice wednesday

My take on astrology and (mental) health

Hey there!

Yes, I’m a therapist, and I deal with a lot of psychological matters, as well as neurological issues/disorders. It’s not just one topic I have to focus on.

To your question… I have to give a clear NO to this topic. This is an extremely sensitive topic, and you can’t just look at some aspects in the chart and say, “Oh, that’s the reason this client has this disorder/illness…” You can’t generalize these things like this. Also, I don’t look at the charts of my patients. I don’t even think about it, as they’re my clients, and I’d never do this without permission. Also, astrology has nothing to do with my job. There’s medical astrology, but I wouldn’t say I have enough knowledge to make assumptions.

In general, I am very alarmed at how carelessly some bloggers here on Tumblr make any "observations" without enough evidence, and thus write false or even disrespectful things. How quickly the word "depression" is bandied about and attributed to certain aspects or signs. This goes in the wrong direction and can be very triggering for some people. I only write about what I see and observe in my horoscope or that of my friends/family.

No one should make claims about health problems so flippantly, because it can cause more trouble than it brings blessings.

This is not meant to be an attack on anyone. It's my personal opinion, and if yours is different, then that's okay.

Wishing you a wonderful weekend!

[thegreatwicked]

Writing Resources Part 2

My first list was so long I decided that I reached the character limit! So we have a part two! I'm going to try and keep them a bit more organized too! Hope these help you all in your writing endeavors and if you happen to use any of them try to give the original source some love!

Also, apologies if I've tagged you more than once and it's annoying! If I reference your material more than twice I will just link your whole Tumblr. I really do want to make sure everyone gets their credit and spotlight!

General Information and Research:

The Fantasy Guide to Royal and Noble Marriages or anything by @inky-duchess Her blog is extensive and is a wealth of information regarding things like royalty/nobility/Period social politics and is a fantastic resource, go check her out! Ink I do appologize I might be tagging you more than once!

@type1diabetesinfandom This blog is an amazing resource if you are interested in writing about characters with any form of diabetes or similar health issues. It was ana amzing find when I was writing my character Belladonna Black from Shadows of Deception who is hypoglycemic. What an amazing source!

How to Cook in a Medieval Setting: by @alpaca-clouds Food is the best way to know a culture and this particular blog post is a trove of information for your fictional foodie set anywhere in this spectrum of time or a great find for a fictional setting! This post obviously gets a chefs kiss!

The Symbolism of Flowers by @novlr Yeah! Leopold knew what he was talkign about, every flower has a meaning and it is entirely possible to send some a bouquette that translates to 'Fuck You' btw it consists of geraniums (stupidity), foxglove (insincerity), meadowsweet (uselessness), yellow carnations (you have disappointed me), and orange lilies (hatred). it would be quite striking! and full of loathing. THE MORE YOU KNOW. This blog is also a fantastic source for writers.

Writing About Body Pain by @slayingfiction I just came across this gem of a blog and if you're one who likes to make your characters sufffer than look no further, also, how ya doing? You ok? Just checking. This blog is also a fantastic writing resource.

How to Accurately Describe Pain in Writing by @hayatheauthor kinda piggybacking off the previous source but nevertheless lets make sure we make these characters suffer realistically? I'm ok too, if you're wondering. This is another great blog that focuses on the aspect of being a writer.

How to Use Canva to Make Mood Boards by @saradika I did not know much about mood baords but I'm telling you they are a gaem changer! They bring a life to your story in a way that is just so stunning and saradika has been so lovely as to make this helpful guide! She's also a very talented writer and is quite the Star Wars Fan! GO check out her stories!

Researching as a Writer by @so-many-ocs Research is a tricky topid to delve into and sometime sit hard to know where to start, this blogger has been so kinda as to make a bit of a roadmap to help you narrow down what you need to research and how. Wonderful blog! Very helpful!

Resources for Writing Deaf, Mute, or Blind Characters by @thecaffeinebookwarrior THIS! This right here is a gem and the only reason I don't write these types fo characters is because I've never known how to do so respectfuly and realistically! Not a problem anymore! Also a wonderful artist!

How to Write and Research a Mental Illness another gem from @hayatheauthor again if you're going to wrote a character with a mental illness lets make sure we get it right!

@namesforwriters It's little but a wonderful source of unique names for your story! Including mythology and music themed names!

Nightmare Disorder vs Night Terrors by @redd956 Some great clarification from a blogger who is diagnosed! So happy I found this as I was wondering about the distinction myself for a little while!

Types of Gemstones by @blueboxbeagle and brought to my attention by @keffirinne

A General Cane Guide for Writers and Artists by @deoidesignand brought to my attention but @cripplecharacters I was so excited to find this fantastic little gem recently and I look forward to using it! I'm keeping an eye out for more material in portraying characters with disabilities and disorders maybe it'll get it's own post!

@cripplecharacters linking this amazing blogger if you are wanting to expand your characters and write them with disabilities or diaper fees, this is a wonderful source of how to do it and stay respectful!!

@writingwithcolor use that painters pallet and write diverse characters and when you’re not sure what or how to write something check this blog out! Such a wonderful source for all questions concerning ethnicity, race and diversity!

@writinglgbtq I was looking for this blog!!! Your source for all things concerning writing the LGBTQ community respectfully and believably! So happy to ah e found this!!

@macgyvermedical I have been looking for a blog like this for some time and I'm so happy to add it to my writing resources list as tehre are far too many great and helpful posts to pick just one. Check out this amazing blogger who offers medical beta reads and asks for fanficiton!

Make it Pretty! My own contribution to help make writing a bit prettier! ꧁☽✶☾✶☽꧂ Enjoy!

Adding Page Breaks & Art to Your Stories Another of my own contributions for adding in nice clean page breaks to your stories as well as how to upload art to AO3, FFN and Wattled.

More will be added to this post as I find it and if you find anything that fits the general research on broad topics or specifics please let me know so I can continue this collective writing resource! And make sure to give some of these wonderful writers and bloggers some love!

[tododeku-or-bust]

I definitely feel the same way about the spoons thing bc I remember the first time I read the analogy years ago, I was initially like, oh, this is a good way to describe it - except then I noticed that the majority of the time I was seeing it in use, at least on tumblr, it was a certain type of smol bean racist white arguing that they don't have the spoons to not be racist or the spoons to do the bare minimum of caring about people other than themselves in their own heads, but somehow, they always have the spoons to be violently racist and write essays about how much they don't care about other people, so every time I see it now, my hackles get raised bc I expect racist shit to come next.

Also, they never care that POC don't have the spoons to deal with their racism or educate them for free bc they are racist and also think only white people can be disabled, autistic, mentally ill, poor, oppressed, etc.

Period 🤷🏾‍♀️ there are like, maybe two things on here where I fall on the "no actually, I'm just gonna have to be the bitch in this situation" and the spoons thing is one of them.

The chronic stress of dealing with antiblackness is so bad that it has been genetically passed down through generations of Black Americans. It is so ubiquitous that it subtly affects our every decision, we've just grown used to it. But y'all want me to worry about the "spoons" of someone who's actively trying to avoid being held accountable or being asked to at least TRY to do better.

And it does! It always gets brought up when someone's like "oh well I have anxiety I can't care about thing" okay well you weren't concerned about that blogger of color's depression or anxiety when you chose to be racist to them! You weren't concerned about mental health then! That coulda been someone's thirteenth reason, while you think you're "escaping". But as soon as they clap back, suddenly you're the victim in this scenario. Whatever.

If I got on this app and said "sorry, I don't have the spoons to care about white trans rights" on every post every single time another white trans kid was killed, y'all would have me lynched. But we've been seeing some variation of that for Palestinian children for a YEAR. mm. So clearly the spoons are available, just for certain people!

So no, I don't care that you "lack spoons". Grab a fucking fork then lmao. Or admit that you're a willful racist. But I'm tired of the excuses. I'm sorry. Like I said, I'll be the bitch on this one, that's fine. People of color are far past the utensils and y'all expect it of us. Your turn!

[miffy-junot]

I really wanted to be kind, I really try to stay away from discourse, but my friend sent me a post containing opinions so rancid that I had to say something. I'm turning off reblogs and I will not name the user who made the post because I do not want any discourse, please be respectful of this.

Time to respond to the words of "Tumblr user X":

Firstly - I know not everybody here is Christian but to make a post being rude to dead people on All Soul's Day is immensely disrespectful, to say the least. Don't you have any graves to put flowers on, any people to remember?

1:

The majority of people interested in the Napoleonic Wars think Junot is a blundering buffoon. You really have to dig deep to find nuanced sources on him beyond the usual "mad general" stuff. There is a niche community of Gen Z Tumblr bloggers who like Junot, by no means the majority of the Napoleonic community - and since Tumblr is very easy to curate, it's on you if you are stuck in this niche bubble.

Let me tell you, Junot does not have a good reputation at all. You can let the topic go, you are fighting against an enemy that you believe numbers in the hundreds when in fact it is a small group of mentally ill teenagers (many of whom are lgbtq+, which is something interesting in itself).

2.

You are an adult, but how did you graduate high school with no skills of reading comprehension? Nobody has ever said that Junot's actions with Laure were "normal and okay". Once again, you are fighting an imaginary enemy.

Napoblr is essentially a war criminal fandom. That does not make it any more or less valid than other history communities, but it means that we have to take a slightly different approach to moralising historical figures. Almost every single person involved in the Napoleonic Wars would be a bad person if you took their actions out of the historical context. Most people relevant to the Napoleonic Wars were sexist, racist, imperialist pieces of shit who turned a blind eye to war crimes.

Because that makes up such a large percentage of these people, being overly judicious about their morality will leave you with the following group of "unproblematic people": a large gathering of peasants and children, none of whom we know the names of.

"Evil" is a very strong word to use, one which denies nuance, but let me speak in your language: all Napoleonic figures were somewhat "evil", if you are unwilling to deal with "evil" people then study art history, or any other subject that doesn't deal so much with moral complexity.

3.

In my opinion war crimes committed as part of your job are still war crimes????????? "Indirectly" or not, there is little difference between ordering an execution and murdering someone with your own bare hands, in both situation you take away a life from the world and there is blood on your hands. Some might even argue that having a callous approach to life and death is even worse!

And like I have said above: endless moralising is counter-productive. There are better ways to use your time, such as researching things that actually fulfil you.

4.

(just a tiny nitpick but please do not use that certain misogynistic term)

"Could have" and "should have" are words that cannot be used in the study of history. Speculation over endless possibilities of alternative realities is meaningless.

I thought we as a society had moved beyond calling addicts "evil", but apparently not! (and again, "evil" is a very charged term that leaves no room for nuance)

For the record, I support abstinence of all the things you mention. Irl I have a bit of a reputation for being a puritan. But even I will not blame somebody's entire morality on that, and call a man "evil" for being an addict?! Where is your sympathy?!

Self-destructive behaviour is a major symptom of both head injuries and personality disorders, but I doubt "Tumblr user X" has the thinking skills required to understand that properly.

And either way, even if it was all "his responsibility", so what? That's his personal life, why do you care? If you don't like it, go away.

5.

Again, I genuinely thought people knew how to be sympathetic towards addicts but apparently not.

The emphasis on "self-restraint" is insane, if you had any restraint you wouldn't be bitching on Tumblr. You are sounding more like a 17th century Puritan than me, the person who gets accused irl of acting like one.

People on Tumblr find Junot relatable. That is why he is cute, because he is relatable. Additionally, it is big part of Gen Z humour to call bad men "babygirl" and to combine cutesy aesthetics with dark stuff, hence the whole coquette/girlblogger aesthetic.

Like I said at the beginning of this post - most people do not like Junot. The people who do are mostly mentally ill young people who naturally gravitate towards this "crazy but make it cute" aesthetic tendency, and the "I can make him worse" sort of mentality.

"Violent tendencies" is a lot to extrapolate from a single incident, but that seems to be something you're fond of doing.

6.

You deliberately phrase this to imply sexual harassment. Here is what happened: he flirted with her and invited her to dinner, she had heard the rumours of his mad behaviour and ghosted him, he got very upset. Nothing physical ever happened.

Additionally, none of his mistresses ever mentioned any violent behaviour by him. In fact, in one anecdote related by Laure herself, Junot's Abyssinian mistress Xraxarane encouraged him to shoot an orange off the top of her head because she was so confident in his abilities with a pistol, and even though he knew he could do it, Junot didn't even try because he was too afraid of hurting her.

7.

Do your research before making snarky comments, I am begging you.

While it is true that men wrote more passionately to each other in those days, "I who love you with the affection of a savage for the sun, I who am entirely yours" is not something you would say in passing. I'm not going to argue that Junot and Napoleon did anything romantic together, but it's undeniable that Junot's feelings towards Napoleon surpass those of a completely platonic friendship.

There are many sources that attest to Junot's fanatical devotion being unusual, not just Laure. And it was not a single remark in Laure's memoirs, but many anecdotes. Junot had many close male friendships, but they all took on a very different character to his friendship with Napoleon - his letters to other friends have a casual, jovial tone; the intense and poetic language used in his letters to Napoleon instead mirror his letters to women.

Is it really so unfeasible to you that, out of the thousands of men in the Napoleonic army, one of them might have developed feelings for Napoleon beyond those of conventional masculine friendships? Statistically, it is impossible that every Napoleonic man was straight.

8.

Okay, I am going to be directly bitchy here.

Tumblr user X, YOU DIDN"T EVEN BOTHER TO READ THE JOURNAL INTIME BEFORE PUBLISHING A POST ABOUT THE INCIDENT.

When, in a discord server, I shared a small piece of the journal intime I had translated that was referring to Junot's affair with Caroline, YOU DOUBTED IT"S CREDIBILITY.

You claim to trust what women have to say, BUT YOU DON"T BELEIVE HORTENSE DE BEAUHARNAIS' CLAIMS THAT HER HUSBAND ABUSED HER. BE CONSISTENT.

And finally: THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO MENTION OF JUNOT TRYING TO RAPE LAURE AS YOU CLAIMED. NOWHERE IN HER ACCOUNT OF EVENTS DOES SHE ALLEGE RAPE. STOP MAKING THINGS UP, IT IS DISRESPECTFUL TO REAL RAPE VICTIMS.

You pretend to be diligent with your sources, but you are not, you only read things that support your pre-conceived opinion, you make posts based on false evidence. Shut the fuck up about topics you know nothing about.

9.

Gurl we are not bureaucrats, we do not care about military efficiency.

"glorified cavalry skirmish" - is a group of 500 men defeating a force of 3000 men not glorious to you? Those are odds of five to one.

If you don't care about military history, don't talk about military history and get out of the military history fandom.

10.

(fyi it's spelt crucify)

You are fighting imaginary enemies. Bessieres is adored, he is babygirled. Junot is loathed.

Nobody ever said Junot trying to kill Laure was cute. (I would also provide evidence that Junot never intended to kill her, but then I'll get accused of defending domestic violence)

Junot being babygirlified is not a recent thing. What about:

Rapp, who didn't think Junot was a great soldier but still defended him

Foy, who hated Junot but still wrote positive comments about him in his memoirs

Arthur Wellesley, who respected Junot as an enemy

James Forbes (and many others), who hated Napoleon but praised Junot for being kind to Englishmen in Paris

Antoine-Romain Hamelin, who didn't like most people he met but adored Junot for defending and rescuing him

André Delagrave, who wrote very sympathetically about Junot after serving him in the peninsular wars

Laure's letters

Junot's letters to Laure

Junot's letters to his daughters

+many, many more sources but those were the only ones I remembered off the top of my head.

And please don't disrespect Laure's own wishes and opinions. What about the highly affectionate language used to refer to Junot in her letters about her grief over his death? What about her letter to Berthier complaining about Junot being defamed?

Please be respectful here, I don't want any discourse. I shouldn't have to say this but please do not share this with "Tumblr user X", I don't want to have anything to do with that person ever again.

a little side tangent on the infamous incident between Junot and Laure:

When Junot went to break off his affair with Caroline Murat, he took two duelling pistols and khanjar (a Middle Eastern style of dagger) with him in case he was confronted by Murat and things got messy. This is very important - Junot had lethal weapons easily accessible to him and was willing to use them to kill his rival. So if he genuinely had every intention of murdering Laure, why didn't he shoot her? Why didn't he stab her with the fatal khanjar rather than a pair of scissors? Speculation on this point is useless, but it's vital to know that he could have easily killed her, but he didn't. I'm not defending his actions in any way, Junot certainly did something awful, but he did not intentionally plot to murder her.

[redwolfstabs]

ALPHAWOLFSTABS - BILLY

gifs not mine ~ Through cuts and wounds it often flows, In whispers only blood bestows, A story etched in shades of red, Of every tear and word unsaid.

Meet the Blogger:

Howdy, hello, hi. My names Billy, He/Him pronouns only, I'm incredibly autistic so this is a friendly autistic space. DNI if you're a minor, no TERFs allowed, and basic DNI criteria.

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Writer, Gore Lover/Analysis, Billy Loomis Coded. You've been warned

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Disclaimer for my page:

18+

gore/violence

talks of abuse, sometimes

talks of drugs and alcohol, not often

mental illness

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I will always put warnings on what I post, always! I'll put warnings and a cut so everyone can avoid being triggered on my page. But please, do mind the tags I put and please stay safe here on my page. While things I talk about may be upsetting, I do not wish to upset or trigger anyone on here. Please please please, keep yourself safe on my page.

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My Fics:

Animosity: A pre-scream - current scream fic! Slow updating, very gay stuilly. A tad bit inspired by Sharps Debaser but it's not really all that similar, I assure you.

Crimson Moon: Stu discovers he's a werewolf and Billy needs to help him figure out how to navigate. [Unfinished/no longer being updated. However, Cereal occasionally draws Werewolf Stu, that's the art that inspired this. Go check that out]

Fangs Of Insatiable Longing: Vampire Billy, Human Stu. Billy has to learn to navigate this world, Stu helps him, still follows the plot of Scream with a few added things. Slow updates.

Shut My Brain Off, But Keep Me Breathing: Submissive Billy Loomis with Dom Stu, this one is very self indulgent.

The Vexation: A crack ship fic with Doug Van Housen and Billy Loomis. Slow updates.

To The Edge, Until We All Get Off: Sub Top Stu with Dom bottom Billy. It's Stu's birthday and Billy gets him a present, not super long but really nice.

You Like It Rough, But I Like It Rougher: Pure Smut, lots of blood and knives in this one. Be safe reading this.

Winged Insect, Funeral Pyre: Prison fic au, Billy is in prison but it's more of a rehabilitaion centre, focuses on his relationship with his mind, and the stupidly cute CO he likes a little too much.

JOYRIDE: Stuilly Week day one, bodyswap au, also short but fluffy

"Partner In Time": Stuilly week day two, timeloop au, Billy gets stuck in a timeloop and everytime he dies, he wakes back up in the kitchen with Sidney and Stu

Sailor Song: Stuilly week day three, ghost au. Billy lives after the massacre, Stu doesn't.

Domesticated.: Stuilly week day four, a survivor modern au, set in 2024. Not long, but it's purely fluff

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Up Coming Fics:

Malevolent Trinity: A soon-to-be Fic with Doug Van Housen + Stuilly. It will follow the plot of Scream, just with Doug added.

Unlikely Desires: A College Stuilly fic, in which Billy looks like Vincent from As Good As It Gets And Stu looks like like Tim LaFlour

Lost Years: A Team Loomis fic with Sam and Billy, Billy is alive and Sam kinda hates his guts but they get closer and become a good pair.

A Serpents' Song: A Fic sorta based around river dale, does include Stu.

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Requests:

I do take Drabble requests! If anyone is ever feeling up for me to write them something I will work on it slowly but surely. On top of that, I am starting Commissions soon for my fics. So if anyone is also up for that, keep it in mind for later down the road.

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Easy Links:

Stuilly Head Canons

Autistic Billy Loomis

Funny Scream Text Posts

Scream Script Thoughts

Drabbles

Poems

Stuilly Week 2024

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Additional:

My Carrd - This shows my name, my interests, and rules for my blog. :)

My Discord: Alphawolfstabs. Be careful

Letterboxd: AlphaWolfStabs or Here, Mostly horror movies to be honest. I am a Horror Movie nerd, I apologize

[heavenangelly]

Hi, I wanted to ask this because I’ve had this doubt for a while and I feel like to some extent it’s getting in the way with my manifestations because of the contradictions it represents and I want an external opinion, so for example recently this youtuber from my country is being criticized for saying a bunch of nonsense conservative stuff and people are also making fun of him because he said that he’s white and red haired/blond but he’s just tanned, and when you look at him you can realize it clearly isn’t the case, you can tell by looking at him he’s brown and not even light skinned, and he’s been saying this for a while which makes me wonder if he’s so sure of himself, if he truly believes his assumption why hasn’t it manifested?, and he’s not the only example of that, because let’s say even if he didn’t truly believed what he was saying, there’s people just like him who genuinely believe they’re white when they aren’t, or that they’re skinny when they aren’t and they’ve been thinking that for quite a long time, they’ve been persisting in that assumption and they’re convinced that it’s true yet it’s not showing up and they just appear as delusional to everyone, and letting those cases aside, I’m at college mastering in psychology which has led me to get to know people during my practices that as a symptom of their mental illness they experience delusions, and they’re very sure of their delusions, they’re convinced that they’re real, no matter how much people might tell them they’re not they firmly persist in their assumption, they don’t even hesitate yet why isn’t it showing up?, why it hasn’t been reflected in the 3D even if they’ve doubtless persisted in that assumption for months or years?, and at some point I was just like yk fuck them they’re them and I am me so I have my desired already and the 3D needs to confirm but it’s still something that bothers me because if it’s a law and those people have been doing the “formula” for the law to work in their favor why isn’t ir working?, and it’s not about what their delusions consist of because you can manifest anything, not either due to them not holding the intention to manifest what they’re being delusional about because they don’t even view it as manifesting they already view it as it was theirs which is essentially what loa is about yet why isn’t it reflecting?, it’s a doubt that I’ve had for idk the seven years or so that I’ve known loa and manifestation for, and I haven’t found any actual answer to it, maybe because I haven’t thought about it for that long because I didn’t wanted to overthink too much, but now that I’ve changed some assumptions that I had in order to improve my self concept it’s something that has been bothering me again because it actively contradicts a lot of loa stuff that’s constantly being preached over and over and basic loa principles and I’ve debunked my other doubts with no problem before but I can’t find an explanation for that one and tbh it even makes me feel scared like why isn’t loa working for them if they’re doing everything right?, what if it doesn’t work for me even if I do everything right? and I've never asked anything to bloggers because I thought I could just figure my own things out and there wasn’t need for any guidance but I hate that it’s just making me doubt more and kinda ruining the self concept work I’ve been doing, also I haven’t seen any blogger ever talk about this ever

I’m super proud of you for being able to answer ur own questions!! And to answer you, it’s because they assume in the 3d. They haven’t changed themselves and their identity, so they trick their brain and delude themselves into believing that they are different. They’re hyper dependent on the physical world changing to prove to themselves that they are different, instead of an inner change. Anything shown in the physical world could be a sign to them. They know deep down they aren’t like that so they make up for it by telling everyone they are their ideal, and trying to prove it to people instead of just knowing. They could also be putting up a false personality where when they’re filming or they’re around people, they act like that in the moment but when they get home they cry bc they’re not like that, they just want to be like that. And most of them don’t even know about the law, so they’re just 3d based.

I hope this answered your question! If not, feel free to ask another <3

[freewillacquired]

PSA: Some important OOC things I need my RP partners to know

{out of mutations} Hello, everyone. I was just made aware by a (now former) friend that I unintentionally hurt them very badly to the point of them ceasing to write with me and to block me. That is absolutely their prerogative, and I don’t blame them at all for doing so, nor do I bear them any ill will for their choice. Everyone needs to cultivate their own safe spaces on this site and to do what is best for their own mental health.

However, the points that they raised in their final message to me were important and very much opened my eyes to how careless I’ve been with how I’ve conducted myself as an rper and a blogger, and as a friend in general. It also made me aware that things that I’ve been trying to handle on my own offline and to not let affect how I run my blogs or manage friendships… are things that I really need to make my friends and rp partners aware of, because they are having clear consequences.

You all deserve to understand how I work as an online person you connect with, so that you can each make individual choices on whether or not you wish to continue writing with me or interacting through messages in the future. I’ll place this below a cut, and if you read all of it, I thank you for your time.

I mean for this simply to be an informative post that will explain a little bit about what I’ve been going through lately and how it is affecting my ability to function online. Life has gotten very crazy for me, I am having memory problems, and I have way too much activity/muses/blogs. All of these things together have created some problems with how I interact with folks on this site, and so I want to explain a little so you all understand. If, after reading this, you decide that I am too high maintenance for you, that I can’t give you the level of writing or messaging interaction that you prefer, or if you have any other issues with what I say, I fully understand and support any decision you make going forward. I hope that by beieng a bit embarrassingly candid that I can prevent what I inadvertently did to my friend from ever happening again, because I feel absolutely horrible about it. Alright, let’s get into this.

I don’t go looking for new people to interact with on any of my blogs anymore. I’ve stopped following new people unless we actually start writing together, I never message new people because of my anxiety, and I don’t want to attract more activity because I’m not managing what I have now well at all. The past few years of my life have been disastrous for many reasons (work, family, health, etc.), and I am looking to downsize muses and blogs, so I don’t reach out to new people anymore. If they reach out to me, I do my best to accommodate them, because I have never been good at saying no or disappointing people as a consequence of my social anxiety. But otherwise, I don’t want to attract more activity when I know I already don’t have enough time and focus to maintain the activity I already have. So if you have followed me because of the rp etiquette of “if I follow I want to interact,” and I don’t follow back, it doesn’t necessarily mean I don’t want to write with you. Sometimes that is true. When I get followed I read the person’s rules. If I can’t find your rules, or if I see a rule that I feel I violate or would easily violate unintentionally, then I don’t look to write with you. However, there are times when someone follows and I think… oh wow, I’d love to write with them. But as I said, I have too many blogs/muses right now, so I feel it’s irresponsible to go looking for new connections when I don’t really properly maintain the ones I have. I don’t want to close my blogs for new interactions, per se, but I don’t go seeking out more activity either.

But the main reason I wanted to write this is to explain some issues I’ve been having with my memory lately. In the past four years, I’ve had Covid twice and I’ve been put on medications for an immunodeficiency illness, and both of those things have very much made my memory and my ability to keep track of things very poor. I am getting people confused on this site that I never did before, I weirdly repeat myself in posts, I am forgetting what I said in one thread vs. another, I’m forgetting to message people back, or I’ll promise to send in asks or whatever and then never do it. I also tend to get very confused between people who write the same characters, since all I have to go on is a url and an icon if I don’t know the person in real life. I’ve gotten rpers mixed up before because it’s all very jumbled in my head. Sometimes that makes people feel like I am being rude, inconsiderate, or that I don’t care about them, but that isn’t true. I genuinely just can’t hold onto thoughts and memories the way I could a few years ago. I’ve even had to leave my career field, for safety reasons because making stupid mistakes or forgetting to do things since my memory has been affected by Covid and my medications.

The issue of my memory is something that I’ve been in denial about because it’s a scary and upsetting thing, and I guess I’ve been trying to chalk it up to stress or whatever, but clearly that’s not the case, and I need to accept that I have a real problem. In recent months, I have not only gotten people mixed up, but I have done things like list the top 5 people of something and leave someone out, or say someone was the best or only person I wrote with when others write the same character, or replied to one person’s thread thinking I was writing to different person. Sometimes they are close friends of mine, or I’ve been writing with them longer than the ones I listed. Why would I not remember them? How could I screw things like this up? I don’t know. It’s disturbing to not be able to trust your memory, it honestly is.

When I don’t know people in person and all I see is a url and an icon, I sometimes get very confused. This has always been true for me, since way back with AIM in the 90s, but in recent years it’s been compounded by my memory issues. Thread plots and things get all jumbled in my head. I just wrote a thread the other day where I replied to someone and I thought I was replying to another person’s same version of that character. It was mortifying and I felt really bad. If this happens to you, or if I get your version confused in an OOC post, or if I compliment someone else’s version but not yours, it doesn’t mean your version is crap or doesn’t mean anything to me, it’s just that I’m having some focus and memory issues that are causing me to forget versions sometimes or to blend them together in my head. I will take greater care not to make such mistakes in the future, but when dealing with something like a buggy memory, it’s really hard.

People frequently change urls too, which is another thing that often throws me off, because then in my mind, it’s a totally different, new person until I have enough repetition to associate the new url with the person behind the old one. The number of blunders I’ve made recently with saying to people, “I’m sorry, who is this again?” has been staggering and very embarrassing for me. Like just having to ask that question is incredibly mortifying, but I need to do it more instead of trying to reply on my memory and then making very hurtful mistakes.

I have not been keeping up with things on this site as well as I should have in recent years, and that is a failing of mine. Personal relationships have suffered. Connections I’ve made here have fallen apart. I feel like it’s very much getting away from me in an overwhelming manner and I’m not sure how to fix it, other than downsizing blogs and muses, which I’m trying to do now. But that won’t fix my memory, so I’ll likely keep making mistakes even if I downsize. I ask that you please be patient with me, and if you think I’ve made a mistake or haven’t remembered something, please let me know. If doing that is too much trouble for you or you feel like you shouldn’t have to, I totally understand, and if you would feel more comfortable not interacting with me anymore, I respect your decision.

A word about how bad I am with messages… I have very bad social anxiety and messaging people sometimes causes me to have panic attacks or to feel very jittery or overwhelmed. For like, no reason. Even with good, close friends. It’s like…. brain, why. Because of this, I will usually not answer messages until and unless I am in a good headspace to do so. Or it could just be that I don’t have the time if it’s something I’m writing a really long reply to that I want to put adequate thought into. Whatever the reason, I frequently won’t answer right away because I need time to think of a response, or something else is making me anxious so I don’t feel up to replying. I fully intend to reply later, but then the poor memory kicks in, and I forget. Before I know it, I’ve sometimes got people angry that I have been ghosting them for months when I completely forgot I even got a message in the first place. I am kindly asking you to not take this personally. I’ve been doing a lot of this lately. Sometimes, to compound issues, this site doesn’t even tell me that I have messages in the first place, which for someone whose memory is screwed up, is seriously frustrating. I never ignore people unless I think they’re a bot, heh. So please, if you messaged me and I seem to just have completely ignored you, it's okay to message again and ask if I saw it. In fact, I encourage you to do that, because between Dumblr and my own memory, I have really been forgetting to message people back a lot lately, and it’s something I do feel badly about.

One thing I want to make very clear, is that I NEVER fault anyone for taking a hiatus, whether it’s three weeks or three years. Real life comes first, this is a hobby not a job, it should be fun, and if it ceases to be fun or feasible to keep up with then everyone needs to do what’s best for them, and I am perfectly fine with that. Hell, I’ve been taking more hiatuses in the past year than I’ve actually been around to write, because of various work, health, and family issues/obligations. I’m on a partial hiatus right now and likely through next week for jury duty, in fact. I never fault anyone for needing to step away. I’ve had people come back after like five years and still want to write and that’s fine. So if you’ve come out of hiatus and I’m “ignoring” you, it might be that I didn’t see your message, that I don’t remember who you were because of a url change or if it’s been many months or years, or that I don’t even know you’re back. Jog my memory as to what we were writing about, some of our plots and things, and I’m sure that I will remember. Unfortunately, my memory is just not great anymore, it’s a reality that I’ve struggled to come to terms with in recent years.

Also, and this is going to sound very rude I know, but it’s again… just my new normal and reality with regard to my memory. I really don’t have the time or focus to keep track of when everyone leaves or comes back from hiatus or for how long. Maybe this is bad rp etiquette on my part, but I don’t frequently read other people’s blogs or even scroll my dash that much anymore. I just don’t have the time. If I think of it for certain people that I haven’t heard from in a while or that I want to check in on, I may pop onto your blog, but most of the time I do tend to miss a lot of everyone’s OOC posts. I come on to write and then I go back to work (my current job is entirely online), or I go about my family obligations (I take care of my grandmother around the clock). Gone are the days when I used to keep in better touch with people or read all their OOC posts. It’s a combination of not having enough free time to do so and that I’ve really gotten crazy with the number of blogs and muses I have, and so I write with a multitude of people that I just can’t all keep track of. This is a problem of mine, I know, and I am in the process of whittling down my schedule and number of muses to help correct it as much as possible. But just because I didn’t know it was your birthday, or I didn’t like your hiatus post, or I didn’t respond to that post you wrote that said you were really sad and needed someone to talk to… doesn’t mean I don’t care. I do care a lot about people. I tend to soak up people’s problems and sadnesses like a sponge, unfortunately. I just don’t have the time to keep up with all the people I write with all the time. If there is something you really want/need me to know, message me. I know I said I often postpone replying for when I feel more up to doing so, but if it’s something very urgent or important, I will respond ASAP.

One last thing I was to address… please don’t let something that is upsetting you fester to the point where you’re seriously hurt by it. I never intentionally mean to hurt anyone. If anything, I am the most nonconfrontational, people-pleasing person you’ll meet. So if it appears that I’ve done or said or not done something that was really rude, or upset you, or that you feel was very wrong of me to do to you, I promise you it was not done with intention to hurt you. Please come talk to me about it. Don’t let it just sit for a long time and make you angry because I’m likely not even aware that you’re upset. I would like the opportunity to look at what happened and to address it, so that you can feel better and I can be made aware of what I did so as to try to avoid doing so in the future. The last thing I ever want to do to someone is make something into a painful thing they’ll carry with them for a long time. Believe me, I’m the kind of person who still remembers things from early childhood that hurt me and have stayed with me forever. Things have happened on this site, some my fault and some not my fault, that have haunted me for years because I end up feeling so terrible about it. I know that’s probably a product of my chronic anxiety, but even so, it doesn’t feel good at all and I would never want to do that to another person. So please bring something to my attention as soon as it happens so that it can be addressed, fixed, or at the very least explained.

Alright, I think that’s everything I wanted to address. I've tried to be as open and honest and I could possibly be. If this post changes your mind about wanting to interact with me, I understand. You all have to do what is best for you. I just wanted to be transparent with people because hurting someone badly really made me realize that this isn’t something that I can just dance over and hope it’ll all be okay. I’m now aware that it’s affecting real things and real people in negative ways, and so I wanted to make everyone aware.

Sorry for all the word vomit, but I thought this was very important to do. Again, if you’ve read to this point, thank you for taking that time to do so. I will continue to try to do as much as I can to conduct myself in a respectful manner with all of you, and I look forward to writing with those who still want to.

[softbutchthatlovesyou]

First things first: I am not deactivating. Just. Taking a break.

Mututals: You can get my discord if I don't ask for yours before I leave in a couple days. You can also give me a snap though I may be worse at responding to that.

This is my reasons for leaving so no one thinks I do anything crazy, or if anyone has their own gripe they can take this as a sign to take a mental health break of your own.

.

The Racism on this site remains unchecked, and the agression against black user who call it out should absolutely NOT be that high. You adore recreating the racist systems that got us here in the first place. You think your lense on how we experience opression, even the theories we wrote, are better and clearly so much superior.

Exorsexism is disgustingly rampant. We are a jokes to people. We are fakes to other. We are a convenient argument about people passing. We are "dangerous" to a preciously protected set of binaries that do nothing to help any of us.

Lesbophobia across the site has no reason to be so high on a site with so many Lesbians and yet!! We treat labels like they're more important than lives. People act like a personal interpretation of the idenity is an attack. We go "Being a Lesbian is so complex. It's intricate and special" And then when a butch takes t, or a femmes uses he and maybe even gets top surgery, or someones attraction isnt the simply wlw Lesbianism they're told they're doing it wrong and that it's not fair to try and over complicate being a lesbian.

Transandrophobia and Transmisogyny against me and other trans people on this site is out of control. People are infighting and people are lashing out laterally and comparing it 1:1 to the opression the system holds against all of us.

Intersexism continues to be like, so easy for you guys to commit no matter how many voices speak up about how best to be aware of intersex issues.

You guys adore ableism just as you have for years and years. You're obsessed with degrading people who do mental illness or disability "wrong." You see someone stuggling with illness and you don't wait to tell them your personal opinion on their experience. Adding ocd triggering guilt tripping to post. Refusing to hear out people about adding image ids/alt images and how screen readers work.

The Antisemitism I was seeing well before 10/7 was gross. It only increased as people scrambled not to be associated with "the bad jew." People had mutuals and friends for years that abandoned them at the first chance. They spread lies or twisted truths in order to chose Jewish bloggers off the site. I DO notice that when people make post on antisemitism there is often more Jewish people than goy in the notes acknowledging it. I don't think I've seen one without horrid Antisemitism in it's own notes in months. Multiple people have told me to leave my heritage out of pride in their attempts to keep out Jewish people.

Voices from Palstine are only used when they support certain ideas. You all turned supporting people into a fucking witch hunt against profiles on the Internet. You reblog a post of Palastine joy and then reblog an unsourced tweet about something Palstinians have said isn't true, that slanders Jewish people unprompted. For a long time some of you weren't even sharing the right sources for helping them bc you couldn't fact check before sharing?

-

And then there's fucking STAFF. They couldn't stop themselves from banning trans blogs if you paid them. They couldn't keep harassment campaigns at bay if it killed someone.

They used us to coax queer people here for years by sharing that they support queer identities and even at one point let our porn exist here! And then it was all fucking wiped off the map. Now one mass reporting of an untrue claim can get an minorties blog permanently removed.

They say "We need money!" but when people gave it to them this site got w o r se. They use distractions and try and make stuff around the fun shit we came up with to keep us from fussing.

They mute and remove users who make a loud enough point to sway people. They mute and removes uses that are so quiet no one would notice.

Minorties inboxes are a headache.

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So I'm out. I'll probably be back at some point because I have things I DO enjoy here.

But for mental health I just gotta catch my breath.

This will be my pinned until I get back I guess im case anyone wonders where I went.

I'll have a queue going of a few last minute things i want on my blog but when it runs out thats it for a while until I return.

Thats all

[tired-fandom-ndn]

Oh my gosh, I feel you. I only follow a handful of other proship people and have unfollowed so many people in the last couple of years. The proship/profic community has some serious issues, especially with ableism and sanism (and the antisemitism is just.... everywhere in fandom now). I literally feel too 'woke' and mentally ill to really want to engage with a lot of other proship people, but I'm in my 30s and I'm just not going to tolerate bigotry or cruelty any more.

You get it, anon. I used to be kinda tolerant of bullshit because I really felt like I had to choose between being proship/in proship communities and being openly part of marginalized communities and that if I was open about one, then I would be harassed for the other.

And I wasn't wrong about that lmao. Other NDNs and queers and disabled people don't want me because I'm a freak, the freaks don't want me because I won't compromise on bigotry, but I've realized that that's fine. I don't have to put up with it or try to please people who will never be satisfied, I can just carve out a little corner of the internet for myself and find other people who are chill and nice.

And yeah, as I'm getting older, the less tolerant I become of both drama and bigotry on my dashboard. I'm tired. I'm done writing essays for people who don't care, trying to explain to them why they're being bigoted. I'm done with seeing racist fan art and people justifying whitewashing and people being disgusting ableists and debates over whether nonbinary people are real. And I'm real fucking sick of the constant unchecked antisemitism at every corner now.

It's frustrating because my dashboard is like. Nearly empty of fandom bloggers now because I've unfollowed or blocked so many people over this shit and there's still a lot of people on my dashboard who are on thin fucking ice. It's just so hard finding people who aren't either antis or hateful bigots these days 😞

[tauforged]

Are you okay?

in the grand scheme of things? yeah i’m chillin. what happened isn’t Serious serious. it was just weird. like i’ve been iffy about saying anything because i don’t wanna kickstart it into a major ordeal again but it’s just like. a couple weeks ago? at this point? i think? i got upset after someone id been following posted what essentially boils down to rape fic. i was really in my feelings about it in the moment because it honestly triggered the fuck out of me and i definitely lashed out a bit but it was late i was very tired and stressed out and ultimately not really thinking about the consequences of my actions, just ranting about something that really upset me. the blowback i got in response has been INSANE and kinda sobering. 90% of the other wf bloggers i know of and had up until that point been mutuals/friendly with all blocked and cold shouldered me overnight. i had at least one person combing thru my sideblog and alt twitter for dirt on me so they could send anons about how much of a hypocrite i was. i’ve been extremely cagey about posting anything personal at all, even stuff that isn’t at all related to what happened, because im suddenly aware that my blog is being checked up on frequently and anything i post can be taken as a slight and used to justify saying some really cruel and heinous shit about me. so much has happened that i don’t even have the words to explain in a neutral manner right now, and i don’t want to put anyone individually on blast either because i honestly don’t even have it in me to feel spiteful about it anymore. i’m just very tired. a lot of bridges got burned right out from underneath me and now im feeling kind of stuck and isolated.

i don’t post about it often because i’m aware of how easily it could be used against me, but to be entirely frank; i’ve struggled with paranoia around being stalked/surveilled as well as moral ocd and all the baggage that comes with both for a very VERY long time, and this is just all like. the perfect storm to trigger serious episodes. i’ve been really hot and cold lately and stressed beyond belief. i’m convinced there’s someone out there checking up on me and talking about me behind my back, but i can’t do a damn thing about any of it aside from continue trying to mind my own business and hope that everyone who’s stuck around thus far is doing so for the right reasons and not just out to get me. trying to redirect myself onto what usually helps me take my mind off these things isn’t really working because it keeps circling back around to huge reminders and i’m having a harder than usual time escaping those mental loops lately. trying to forcefully will myself into being Okay has been really tiring and i think i’m just gonna have to let myself be. not okay. for a while.

it’s a lot of stress to come out of video game fandom posting on tumblr, yeah, i know, and ultimately none of it matters. but it’s still a really weird situation. feels unsafe and precarious. i’m trying very hard not to completely and totally isolate myself and retreat into a bubble because to be frank i do really need to put myself out there and interact with people more, it’s just been blow after blow lately.

to answer your question - i think im gonna be fine. this whole thing has for sure done a number on my physical and mental health (not that i was a beacon of health and wellness before either) but i can say i’m certainly not going anywhere and i dont want to let this whole thing ruin something i love and that means so much to me. im in a weird place right now and will probably be kinda squirrelly for a while…. but ill be alright. i appreciate your concern 🫂❤️