#symptoms of childhood mental illness. being a little bit of a dick at ages 14 and 17 and then 19 again. befriending porky. trading nfts.

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the way my claus ended up being an unexpectedly forgiving sort of person, albeit stemming from such abysmal guilt and low self-worth..?? they struggle to hold onto blame, since they themself fucked up so severely they almost killed their brother and exploded the planet earth. "out of all people, i guess i don't got the right to judge." they feel anger, and sometimes outright rage, towards people who wronged them or let them down - but it usually turns inward pretty fast. even as lucas & all their loved ones smother them in forgiveness, they're reluctant to accept it down to their core.

but when they start relinquishing judgment, accepting others for their sins and all, seeing folks like flint & andonuts who did wrong in the past make amends in the present, they develop a funny penchant about it. like "if other people can be worthy of forgiveness, maybe there's a chance i can too…???" it started from a dark place, but ends up with claus kindling this actually uplifting cycle?? they're inspired by others, they put faith in people, they build more faith in themself.

in a weird way, there's grudges lucas holds that claus doesn't. and folks claus is more than happy to grant second chances to, while lucas remains leery. lucas knows a losing battle when he sees one, while claus is more likely to put good faith (ableit clumsy) efforts into convincing others. and to hold out for changes of heart. they both carry on their mother's profound fatih in humanity, but while lucas is more patient and grounded about it, claus is really recklessly hopeful about individual people.