#this au is totally self indulgement honestly but maybe if i was a better writer

[shalomniscient]

i promise i’m working on the rahu fic but HEAR ME OUT: YUKONG X READER PACIFIC RIM AU

jaded ex-ace pilot yukong who lost her drift partner, caiyi, and has never set foot in a jaeger since. she’s content to live out her days of retirement until an abomination (kaiju) wrecks her neighbourhood, an attack in which she barely escapes alive alongside her daughter. some friends of her aren’t as lucky. the kaiju destroys two other jaegers before it’s finally put down by a jaeger barely clinging to life. they name the kaiju calamitas, for the calamity it inflicted. it is fitting.

the situation is terrible. bad enough, that the general of the defense corps comes to see her personally. general jing yuan bows to her on his knees, and begs for her return. she wants to say no—how could she ever drift with anyone else—but in the end, her weakness is her daughter. in that moment of righteous fury, qingni looked like the stunning image of her mother.

so she goes. she follows jing yuan in his helicopter as they make their way to the base. it has hardly changed over the years, a dome made of iron and steel, sweat and blood. there are ghosts in every corner here, nestled so closely amongst the living they are almost indistinguishable. a part of her naively hopes that she might turn a corridor and see a familiar head of brown hair and ears.

they go through many candidates. from rookies to seasoned pilots, no one could drift alongside the former ace. the words are on the tip of her tongue—i told you so. but jing yuan gives her a placating smile, and says, just one more.

the candidate who walks in is you. you’re young, maybe qingni’s age, but there’s a hauntedness in your eyes that yukong understands.

jing yuan does the honours of listing your accomplishments. five confirmed kills, and two assists. not bad, for someone as young as you. but then, he mentions what yukong had already guessed.

it was you, that day, who took down calamitas. you, in that half-broken jaeger, your partner dead in their seat, but still connected to you within the drift. you, who piloted a jaeger on your own to deliver the final killing blow. yukong comes to respect you as much as she mourns your loss.

as you strap into the drift chair, she can’t help but wonder. was this jing yuan’s grand strategy this time? to put two pilots who had lost their partners together, so that they could bond in their grief? drift in it? yukong almost wants to laugh—but she doesn’t.

not when less than five minutes later, the computer flashes with the words DRIFT COMPATIBILITY: 100%, NEURAL LINK STABLE. and not when she turns her head to face you, and feels her dead heart stir for the first time in years.

[chejuu]

20 questions for writers

thank you @wingdingery for the tag and excuse to self-indulgently talk about myself <3

1. how many works do you have on AO3? 17 on cheju, then 11 more on my various and sundry accounts 🫣

2. what's your total AO3 word count? 73,122 on cheju, a total of 110,145

3. what fandoms do you write for? nightwing + some original work as of late + various fandoms i used to be in that people request in fic exchanges

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos? like two days ago bad desire just surpassed the kudos of a ten-year-old sansa/margaery fic i published on my old account. wow! please ignore that i was writing smut at 16

setting aside my other accounts, then it’s diesis (smut), listen to teeth (smut), sex, lies, and audiotape (mafia au. also smut), and exactly what it looks like (silly identity porn crack)

5. do you respond to comments? always!

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? down together leaves it open but probably fits the bill, in that the sex makes things significantly worse between slade and dick

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Rescued Slut Thanks His Studly Savior is established relationship sladick fluff (if pure smut can be fluff i guess) which i thought i would never write so maybe that. or better now, but it's about theater camp (2023) which is already a feel-good comedy movie to begin with

8. do you get hate on fics? not yet. i feel like it's a rite of passage, tho. quick someone send me hate

9. do you write smut? If so, what kind? it’s like... all i do

10. do you write crossovers? no, but never saying never!

11. have you ever had a fic stolen? nope

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? nope!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? i think i’d be too embarrassed

14. What's your all-time favorite ship? gotta be drarry (sorry sladick)

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will? i plan to finish all my wips eventually, even the unpublished ones! at least any that have made it out of the notes app and into a word doc. the only one that maaay not make it is a recursive fic (author permission granted!) based on a popular sladick story—i’m a bit nervous about not living up to the original 🙈

16. What are your writing strengths? character voice, i think, and banter in particular. sexual tension, smut. so i've been told!

17. What are your writing weaknesses? i hardly write anything longer than a single scene, let alone more than one chapter. the one time i've given it an earnest go, i've gotten so caught up in the weeds that i haven't updated in months T_T

i'd also like to get better at atmosphere. not so much descriptions of the setting, more like... creating a distinctive tone through detail, metaphor, word choice. sometimes i feel like unless i'm writing a very particular setting, the tone is just. nonexistent?

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? i honestly have zero thoughts

19. First fandom you wrote for? harry potter when was 14. wow it even has an A/N and everything

20. Favourite fic you've written? i think it’s bad desire so i’m glad the people agree hahah 

-

tagging @lordwisteria @roipecheur @mattdillon @thesubtextis @ontheropesss !

[anthropologicalhands]

twenty questions for fic writers

tagged by @redbelles !

1. how many works do you have on ao3? 112

2. what’s your total ao3 word count? 497,546

3. what fandoms do you write for? currently, I’m still eyeballs deep in black panther (mcu). I’ll write for whatever catches my interest, but previous fandoms include naruto, yuyu hakusho, thor (mcu), mass effect, and crazy ex girlfriend

4. top five fics by kudos

vigil of the loved tales of the storyteller bring back the baby shoes sleeping arrangements pft, tradition <- biggest shocker honestly

5. do you respond to comments? i’m making more of an effort these days! I might respond late, but i do try to respond because it’s a nice way to talk more about characters and stuff with people.

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? probably a frozen pond alight with torches. It’s a hina fic, by nature of canon it’s doomed. I tend not to write straight angst though. Or maybe i stay up all night in your memories, where priya has to let go both of ajay and, worse, of seema so they can all move on.

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? by far don’t need no ammunition, aka the sif goes to midgard au. loki doesn’t fall into madness, thor and jane get to stay in contact, and sif gets a shiny sword that cuts through dimensions. everyone wins! it’s so self indulgent, but i do find it endearing.

8. do you get hate on fics?

almost never, but the only time i remember getting hate is on make me an offer i won’t refuse, where some commenter took issue with how i wrote kay and her and michael’s relationship. they clearly hated kay as a character but still read a whole fic about her, so i wasn’t even angry, i was just completely bemused by it. 

9. do you write smut?

…i do. i have a very limited comfort zone, but honestly i want to write more and get better at it!

10. craziest crossover:

I don’t really do crossovers, except for the ceg fic that ended up featuring jean ralphio from parks and recreation. that was super fun, but i think it’s too tonally consistent to count as crazy. I’m more likely to write fusion fic than crossovers

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not as in someone else tried to take credit for it — i have had my fics uploaded onto other websites w/o my permission though

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

I have! In the Naruto fandom, someone translated one of my fics into Vietnamese. that was pretty cool, but i think i lost the link.

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

just for fun! And there was one sasusaku/uchiha family round robin fic i was fortunate enough to participate in. 

14. all time favorite ship?

nah, can’t do it

15. what’s a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

rip telepathy au. I had so much written but i couldn’t figure out a couple key parts and then i lost steam for writing ceg fic. I’ll never say never, but i think that one is gone.

16. what are your writing strengths?

i think emotions, how characters relate to each other, moments of high intensity and catharsis

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

Setting! i hate it, because i loooooove a good vivid setting, but i have such a hard time visualizing places! Especially new places!

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language?

probably only a good idea if you are fluent. I have used honorifics in anime fics, but i worry that i apply it too inconsistently and not as thoughtfully as i should have, so these days i try to move away from it.

19. first fandom you wrote in?

unpublished, probably teen titans or sailor moon. published, naruto

20. favorite fic you’ve written?

I think understand the edge of this desire is one of my favorite things I’ve written, just because i think i got the voice and the mood right, and it took a long of agonizing over both.

tagging anyone who wants to do this meme!

[disdaidal]

by the way i wanted to stop by and tell u that i feel you very much re: your writing struggles and dilemmas!!! like it's so frustrating having so many thoughts and ideas and plots and headcanons etc and feeling like it's physically impossible to get down into words! and it sucks that it's so clearly and easily visualised in our head and yet when we attempt to put words onto paper/document it's like. this is a Mess.

but also literally every time i start criticising my own work these days i try and pull myself back and be like this is literally for me and when i don't put pressure on myself to try and have it perfect and ao3's greatest hits worthy then i usually end up having a blast typing out all my lil funky fic things and it's fun again. and then i wanna share it with a friend and i realise it's not coherent enough for that then it sucks again. then i tell myself its for FUN and it's a vicious cycle lmao

ANYWAY all that to say i hear you wholeheartedly and i think whatever you've managed to write is amazing and every little fic and au you've ever thought is probably incredible and i hope u always know that ❤️🫶🏻

Aaaand two days later~ 🙈

I already started writing a lengthy answer back to you, but then Tumblr decided to be a fucking ��� once again and deleted everything, so. 🤪

Anyway, I wholeheartedly agree with everything you said here. Having all these ideas, all these tropes and AUs, all those scenes and dialogues circulating in your brain and yet you feel like it's not good enough—definitely not good enough for publishing. You keep telling that to yourself: it's not good enough, it will never be good enough, you'll never be one of those popular writers who write these total bangers one after another, so why bother, right?

But I also wholeheartedly agree with that statement that you should primarily write for yourself. I also had a lot of fun recently writing something on my docs that I still haven't fully published on ao3 or anywhere else, and I gotta say, I kept rereading that work over and over again because that one I truly wrote it for myself. Like, it felt so good to be self-indulgent for a change (I honestly can't recall the last time I've genuinely enjoyed reading my own writing before that, which is very telling I think), and when I suddenly experienced that feeling—that pure joy—once again... That feeling was so euphoric.

Like, what even is the point of writing anything if it feels like nothing but pain and misery all the fucking time? 🙈 It should be fun and self-indulgent. Most of the time, at least. It's really fucking hard for sure, but it still should be fun.

Anyway, I'm rambling again here, so, thanks so much for this ask and your words of encouragement. Made me feel a little bit better again. <3 I also want to say that whatever you're currently writing, even just daydreaming about, I genuinely hope you're having a blast at it. And if you ever decide to publish/share any of those stories of yours, I'm 100% there are people out there who are ready to kiss your feet just for writing that story and sharing with them. I certainly feel that way about certain stories, even authors, so. Who knows, maybe our stories could have the same kind impact on other people, too.

Gotta stay positive and just... goddamn write. Right? :D

[runicmagitek]

2022 Writerly Year Review

tagged by @frozen-fountain (many thanks!!) not gonna tag anyone, but if you're a writer and are reading this and feel like giving this a go? Consider yourself tagged! 💖

Total number of completed works. Posted to AO3? 62 🙃 I guess it's technically 61, as What Leads You Here is still in progress, being a longfic and all.

Total number of WIPs worked on this year. Oh lord, hold please as I count all the drafts and partially done stuff in Scrivener.... 7 total. 8 if you include What Leads You Here, which fully drafted, but in the editing phase.

WIPs neglected this year. I honestly don't know djsaklfdjslkfjkldas I continue to neglect my one Celes/Terra fic I abandoned when 13 Sentinels hijacked my brain, so there's that 🙃 I promise I'll return to it one day.

Fandoms I've written in. 13 Sentinels, Critical Role, Final Fantasy (VI, VII, IX, and X), Fire Emblem: Three Houses, Mobile Suit Gundam: The Witch from Mercury, My Dress-Up Darling, and Pyre

Total word count. Uh, posted to AO3? 287,882. Written? A little over 500k

Looking back, did you write more than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you expected? MORE. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY MORE.

Did you take any writing risks this year? There were a handful of fics that I banged out in a single day, quickly edited them, and slapped them onto AO3. Are they amazing works of literature? Hell no. Were they super fun to write? Hell yeah. I need to just… relax with editing more and let myself do this more often. I swear some of my better-received fics are when I go "you know what? fuck it" and release it into the world.

Do you have any goals for the new year? Not write as much lolsob. Also finish What Leads You Here along with a handful of WIPs. Maybe even revisit that Celes/Terra WIP if I have time/energy!

Biggest disappointment? Not so much in my own writing, but just lack of engagement with some of my fics. Then again, that's par for the course when you write A) not-so-popular characters, B) gen fic, and C) stories involving death and angsty bits. Also seeing my fluffy G fics doing better than my smutty fics in the 13 Sentinels fandom just… continues to baffle me to this day. It's LITERALLY the only fandom I've ever been in where smut does worse numbers-wise and I don't get it.

Biggest surprise? I wrote something for Critical Role!! I've been a longtime watcher and enjoy the show, but I've done my best to staaaaay away from the fandom 😰 plus I tend to wait until I finish something before I ever consider writing a fic for it, just so I can have the whole picture, so to speak. But one particular episode just set me off and I had to write something to hold me over until the next episode 😭

Most popular story of the year? Most hits/bookmarks? For the Ones That Feel It the Most

Most kudos/subscriptions? Sweet Dreams (why are people subscribing to a oneshot lolsob)

Most comments? What Leads You Here

Ahhh the power of posting fics near the release of a popular thing. And also longfics lol.

What's your own favorite story of the year? I feel like this changes on a daily basis lol I love all of them for different reasons. Lucid has a close place to my heart bc I was Very Upset to find close to no m!Byleth/Gatekeeper fics in an incredibly popular/active fandom. Also really love how Like You, Only Sweeter turned out, which was an incredibly self-indulgent story for me (I just wanted them to smooch)

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion. Nearly all of my 13 Sentinels fics bc the fandom is small and niche lolsob. But also Marinate, which granted, I posted the last week of 2022, but still.

Most fun story to write. What the Water Gave Me, which very quickly snowballed out of control into its own thing. I had a blast writing this mermaid AU and thinking of lore for this world!

Most unintentionally telling story. I'm not sure if this means like… a story that utilized more telling as opposed to showing or just… telling about me as an individual. Either way, I'm genuinely not sure? A lot of aspects of myself are sprinkled across my stories, but isn't any work of art?

My favorite part of fandom this year. WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE TO PICK ONE?????? Meeting so many cool and incredibly talented people. Starting a Discord server with good friends. Applying (and getting accepted!) to a bunch of amazing zine projects. Participating in all the secret santa events and fic exchanges. Being late to a fandom and getting to experience things for the first time. Watching my friend react throughout their 13 Sentinels playthroughs. Collaborating with a lovely art friend to make our own damn zine. Getting to share my longfic with the small, yet vastly passionate community. And just… so so many more moments that made me smile and be forever grateful. If we've interacted at all, even for a brief moment, thank you for making 2022 a little brighter.

[heavy-metal-dick]

Fic Writer Wrapped (AO3) - 2022

Ooh, this should be fun (thanks @yletylyf for the tag)! I used to keep track of this sort of thing years ago. It’s been a minute, lol.

How many stories did you complete?

Damn, I hit double digits with 10 (two of which are due to be published in the next few weeks). Three were under 5k, three were longfics (79k-115k range), and the rest were medium sized one-shots (7k-14k range). As my AO3 page stands, every fic has a green checkmark. That’s always a good feeling!

What is your total word count for the year?

380,004 all said, but guess who learned how to condense their writing this year? 🙃 So I wrote a lot more, and this was the post-editing process word count.

What fandoms did you write in this year?

Just Harry Potter. I hyperfixate, and prefer to work in my comfort zone.

Did you write more, less, or roughly about what you expected?

I think less? In 2020 and 2021 my word count was roughly half a million each year. I didn’t consider that a canon compliant project would require so much more thought/planning than an AU one, since stations of canon should in theory act as a point by point guideline in moving the plot forward. That didn’t really turn out to be the case, so I turned more into a marathon writer.

What’s your favorite story of the year?

This honestly stumps me. Each fic I wrote was special to me in some sort of way, and I’m proud of all of them.

What is your most underappreciated story of the year?

I don’t know that any of mine were underappreciated. The fics I wrote prior to 2022 were 100% self-indulgent and OC-heavy, so shifting to more canon character focused writing (plus massively popular ships) really skewed my sense of what to expect from reader engagement.

Biggest fanfic-related disappointment of 2022?

Myself, for not reading more! And engaging! I’m terrible for hitting the kudos button and moving on, and not letting the writer know what I thought. This is my fandom resolution for 2023: better balance between creating and consuming.

Biggest fanfic-related surprise of 2022?

I think that I actually made fandom friends, lmao. I’m not sure why I do it, but every time I ‘get back’ into fandom I tell myself I’m only going to contribute. That’s all I want to do, is write stories and share them. I’m here for me, not a community. And then I’ll end up crossing paths with someone cool, and there goes The Plan. 😆

Something you look forward to working on in 2022?

The fic I started a few weeks ago! It’s instalment 4/8 in my current project, and it’s the one I’d scratched my head the most coming in to. Every other fic so far in the series, I had a pretty solid idea of the overarching plot and various character growths. Things are clearer now that I’ve started this one, which I’m taking as a good sign that maybe it’ll be unpredictable to the reader going in - despite knowing it’s Goblet of Fire from Draco’s POV.

If I could get 4 and 5 done in the series this year, I would be very happy with myself!

[fandom-space-princess]

fic writer interview

tagged by @sinaesthete - thanks boo 💕

How many works do you have on AO3?

18. Somehow. I only started posting them in January, which means I've been averaging more than 2 per month?! Granted, most of them are one-shots, but still. Bonkers.

What’s your total AO3 word count?

79,889. I have contributed one novel's worth of questionable fandom content to the greater ecosystem. Joy unbounded.

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

The only fics I've published where anyone else could see them (or finished, for that matter) are for Supernatural. Others exist. I may even dredge them out into the light one day. Especially the Dragon Age ones, when DA4 comes out and inflicts some inevitable violence upon my poor little heart.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

In descending order:

- Wayward Family: (T, 31589 words/26 chapters) Sitcomnatural, aka Seven Fools In A Bunker AU. Stream-of-consciousness first drafts from the beginning of the year, when I was starting to catch up on the show again after having dipped out sometime around season 6-7ish originally. I honestly expected zero readership for this, and was pleasantly surprised that so many people responded so well to it. Because I was definitely still knocking the dust off my writing skills at that point, lol. Maybe one day I'll go back to it and make it better - there's definitely stuff I'd do differently next time around.

- Some Live Like Orpheus: (T, 6193 words/1 chapter) Adam rescues Michael from the Empty, featuring Adam as Orpheus and Michael as Eurydice, with special appearances from Jack and the Shadow. The first thing I wrote that I was really, genuinely pleased with myself over.

- Vox Celeste: (E, 1909 words/1 chapter) Midam smut. PWP, in fact. Lyrical, pretty smut (or at least, that's what I was going for), but all the same.

- The First Day of the Rest of Your Afterlife: (T, 4558 words/1 chapter) Sequel to 'Orpheus'. Michael and Adam having their happily-ever-after together. This might be the most utterly self-indulgent fluff I have written. I love it.

- Two Weddings and an Engagement: (T, 7812 words/1 chapter) Written for the tumblr Midam wedding day. The Love Is Requited, They're Just Idiots - truly the most trope of all time. Featuring background sabrileena, because I am a joyful polyamorous disaster bisexual and I think they should all get to be, too.

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Uh. To my great shame, I mostly don't. I always want to - the fact that people take time to comment on my writing is not lost on me as an act of love involving effort, and I can't express how much it means to me. I read and cherish every single comment I get. But interacting on AO3 takes a lot of spoons for me for some reason - and usually I just. Don't have it in me.

I'm working on it.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I don't write much angst, because I am first and foremost a cinnamon roll in need of fluff and comfort. But it does happen occasionally. I think the angstiest fic is Reliquary - more of a ficlet, really, since it's only about 600 words. But they're 600 words of Major Character Death, and I made myself cry writing it, so probably that one.

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Nah. Not really my jam.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

No direct hate! The closest I've gotten was someone getting rude about characterization, which was more funny than anything else. What a strange thing to pick a fight over.

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Quite happily, yes. I find physical intimacy to be very fulfilling, personally, and writing about my characters having those experiences themselves is fun.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge...?

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Also not that I'm aware of.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have not. I kind of suspect I'd be a nightmare to co-write anything with. My writing brain works when it wants to work, not when I want it to work necessarily. And I have no way of predicting when that will be.

What’s your all time favorite ship?

I have a terrible time choosing favorites of anything, so I aggressively multiship. That said, in spn? Michael/Adam. Very closely followed by (exclusively S5 & earlier) Lucifer/Sam.

Outside of Supernatural, it's kind of a tossup. Probably the DA2 OT5 polycule (Hawke/Anders/Fenris/Isabela/Merrill). I'm aware this is a ship for insane people; I will not be accepting criticism at this time 💀

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

As of now, I actually plan to finish all my current WIPs! Pyrphoros was in very real danger of ending up in WIP purgatory for a while, but fortunately or unfortunately for everyone involved, Sin read the first chapter and gave me a pile of compliments. So now I am honor-bound to finish it (<creature brain> Friend liked fic must write more fic must please the Friend </creature brain>). It's getting worked on, bit by bit around my other projects, but still. It's happening.

What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm decent at getting emotions across? I'm also good at vivid visualization - in my head, I can usually see very clearly what I'm trying to describe, and I feel like that's helpful in getting it down effectively. Beyond that, I'm honestly not sure what you'd call my strengths.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I have close to zero control over when I'll have both time and motivation to write. Some of that is just the reality of balancing a more-than-full-time job with my hobby. Some of it is the executive dysfunction. But it does mean that when I'll finish anything can be... unpredictable.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I can't do it, and I don't love reading it. If I have to go looking for a translation somewhere in the notes, it wrecks my immersion in the story. No shade to people who do enjoy it; languages are gorgeous, and translations are imperfect at the best of times. Often the language something is written in is inseparable from the tone and cultural context it is meant to convey. But if given the choice, I don't seek it out.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Like I said, Supernatural is the only fandom with anything published. I think the first fandom I ever actually created anything for was Buffy. (Is that cringe? Yes. But consider: I live free of the shackles of shame. I am cringe, and I am happy).

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Probably one of the mini Midam week ones from earlier this year. Tie between Radio Silence and Every Day's Most Quiet Need, both of which turned out much better than I expected.

Not tagging anybody this time because my brain is currently scrambled eggs, although if anyone wants to do this please consider yourself tagged and feel free!

[sagemoderocklee]

2020 has been a weird fucking year, to put it mildly. There have been a lot of ups and downs, and with New Year’s Eve and the start of 2021 upon us, focusing on the ~positive~ seemed like a better way to end the year, and hopefully start 2021 feeling inspired and proud for overcoming this horrendous year.

For many people, it was difficult--even impossible--to get anything done this year (myself included), and that’s okay! But if you were able to make progress on writing projects, even if it was just one or even if it was just part of one, you should celebrate that! I wish I’d thought of this sooner and organized it better, but regardless I wanted to celebrate my own accomplishments with regards to my writing, and encourage others to do the same! I was going to tag people, but I’m not sure with it being 2 hours til midnight for me if that would feel like putting too much pressure on others, so if you want to do this too please do!

This wrap up is honestly just a self-indulgent look back on the works I’ve made and what I learned/gained from each, maybe what I don’t like about them, some totaling on what I did, and some resolutions for the next year. It’s silly, but I think it’s kinda fun and if you missed any of the things I have posted this year, you’ll find them here!

2020 Fic Wrap Up:

Kado: Parts II+III (COMPLETED)

Kado was started in September of 2019 for the @puregaalee​ summer event. This was a last minute thing that I started the day the prompt was due and managed to write the first part in about 6 hours while sitting in a cafe--remember that? Sitting in cafes? Man, I miss that. I hadn’t anticipated working on Kado, but I decided that I was going to finish it this year, and I’m honestly amazed that I did. This fic is sweet and fun, and surprisingly popular, though it isn’t my favorite of my works. However, it is a light, fluffy little romcom modern AU, and I learned a lot with it because despite my struggles with modern AUs and their horrible lack of political intrigue, this fic forced me to work within set parameters. I was only writing a 3 part story, and each part could only be 9 scenes long. For those unfamiliar, kado is another term for Ikebana, and in Ikebana there are specific elements to follow. Certain styles will only use three branches, some will use nine. So my goal was for the structural elements of the fic to mimic Ikebana. In doing this, I was able to do something I don’t usually do, which is keep this story more concise.

I’m still not sure how I personally feel about the ending, but I think endings are always a struggle, especially with something like this.

Gate of Dreaming (COMPLETED) 

This is a fic that I started last year, then left to sit untouched with only 2k words. Getting back into it was a bit difficult because I was writing something very different from my usual: stream of consciousness. This fic was very experimental for me not only because of the stream of consciousness, but also because of the changing tenses. This was another exercise--unexpected though it was--in brevity. With this particular story, it couldn’t be dragged on and on, because--despite the 100 year time span--the events take place within the Infinite Tsukuyomi. This was also the first time I’d worked from Lee’s PoV in quite some time, so that was fun because I do enjoy writing him, but usually write from Gaara’s PoV. This is definitely one of my favorites from this year, and since it had been sitting on the back burner for so long, I’m so excited that I could finally get it done.

Another one where the ending really wasn’t easy to achieve, but I did end up liking it more than I expected, and I think the best thing is that it’s open-ended which leaves room for others to guess at what the future holds.

It Eats Your Heart (WIP)

This was an unexpected fic for me in every way imaginable. Starting another fic? Making another modern AU? Tackling the horror genre? None of those were things I’d planned to do this year, but lo and behold, that’s just what I did. I really enjoy a good bit of horror, but it is NOT an easy genre to work within, and this fic has definitely been a push for me. But with it being such a push, the payoff is far more. Stepping out of my comfort zone is something I like doing, but I think this is the biggest step outside of that and I am so incredibly proud of how that first chapter turned out because of it. I was really able to surprise myself with this fic, and I am hoping to update the next chapter early on in the year.

Absolution (WIP)

This fic is probably the second oldest idea/longest unpublished fic I currently have up. Formerly a much longer title, the idea for this fic came to me in May of 2017 when a friend, @brianadoesotherjunk / @brianadoesart, posted a piece of GaaLee fanart that sparked inspiration. The fic took off, morphed into something much bigger than the one scene depicted by the art, and now 3 years later, the first part is up. Initially, this was meant to be a long shot, but after sitting with this for so long, I realized that I needed to split it up into 9 parts, which allowed me to use this for GaaLee bingo and finally publish it. Much of the first part was already written before this year, but I’d been quite stuck on it until now. This is actually probably one of my favorite GaaLee concepts to date. I remember back in the day, there weren’t a lot of different takes on getting Lee to Suna so he and Gaara could fall in love, so (at the risk of sounding cocky) I think that Lee as a nanny is rather inspired. I think with this fic, I pushed myself the hardest to get past the hurdle of writer’s block and accepted that publishing is probably the best way to motivate myself to keep going. The feedback for this fic has been really motivating, so I think I’m probably right about that.

I do think there are some parts in the middle or towards the end that could maybe use some tightening up, but I’m just happy to finally have this fic out in the world.

The Art of Love: Chapter 11 (WIP)

TAoL is such a ridiculous labor of love. The chapters for this fic are novellas in and of themselves, so each time I update it takes a lot of work to get them out. This fic is one of those like magnum opus type fics. I have put so much into it, and I’m honestly amazed that it’s only been up for 3 years because I’m approaching the halfway mark on it, and I don’t think I expected to be there by now. Despite being able to churn out 30k chapters, I have a hard time focusing on one thing and I often struggle with mental health related writer’s block, so big works are always sort of sporadic in their updates. 

This particular update of TAoL was definitely one of my favorites though. Initially, I didn’t plan to go the sort of dark fantasy rout that I did with Shikamaru, but I actually really love what I’ve done with him, though I worry others won’t be as into it or that the execution isn’t quite there. One thing I would like to work on with future chapters of TAoL, however, is maybe pairing things down a bit--though I’m not sure that’ll always be possible. The next chapter is a Naruto PoV chapter, though, so I expect that one to be a MUCH shorter chapter than the last three and should be able to get it out sometime next year.

Before I could publish this chapter, however, I did go through and make some big changes, which is something I often struggle with because of such long breaks in between working on certain projects. I will say, though, that TAoL continues to push me to greater heights as a writer, and I look forward to actually finishing this fic someday.

Thirteen Strokes: 1 + 2 (WIP)

Another unexpected fic this year, however, this one was actually an idea for about a year, unlike IEYH. This fic has really given me a lot of perspective on my own writing and world building, and has inspired me to sit down and really start committing the things I’ve developed to paper to create a cohesive view of Suna, Wind, and the shinobi world. This fic is meant to be a Romance. Like just full on Romance. I write a lot of tragedy and focus on a lot of darker themes in my writing, so while I don’t think of this as stepping outside of my comfort zone, it is very different from my usual, and a really nice change of pace. I think, in all honesty, it is one of my best works, and I do hope I can continue to deliver on the remaining 11 parts of this story.

if this were the last i felt you breathing (COMPLETED)

Ugh. This fic has been my enemy for 2 long years. I signed up for a Secret Santa exchange, and of course, I regretted doing it when I found that I was not motivated and, after the month of October where I was churning out fic after fic for GaaLee Bingo, that I was massively burned out. I wasn’t able to think past writer’s block, and so I ended up settling on dusting off an old, unfinished piece for my giftee, and I hope they can forgive me for not coming up with something brand new for them.

This fic was a struggle. Working so closely with the canon--following the Rescue Kazekage Arc as closely as I did for this fic--made this a much bigger challenge and this fic sat and sat and sat for two years, untouched and incomplete. I’m still not sure how I feel about it. I know it’s not my best work, but I am glad that this fic isn’t hanging over my head and that I was able to deliver something to my secret santa giftee.

My goal with this fic was to rewrite this particular arc from Lee’s PoV to give more depth to the arc and shift the emotional core of it away from Naruto. Naruto as a character has a lot of flaws that never get addressed, and one of the things that is consistently frustrating for me is the way the emotional core of the series rests on him in unrealistic and often superficial ways. Naruto hasn’t spoken to Gaara in three years, but I’m supposed to believe he’s this affected by Gaara’s kidnapping? Temari and Kankuro are right there! Lee is right there! I wanted to see that, so that’s what I set out to do, and ultimately I don’t think I fully succeeded, but I tried. I guess not everything can be a resounding success

---

This year I managed to do a lot more than I realized. New works, updates, and COMPLETED pieces?! I never would have thought, but staying home gave me more free time, and when I was too broke to work on costumes, writing fanfiction was something free I could do.

Total new works: 5 Total updates: 9 Total completed works: 3 Total words this year: 143,587

---

I have a lot of goals for the coming year, and I know I won’t make all of them, but that won’t stop me from trying.

2021 Writing Resolutions:

Reach 1million words (+238,073 words)

Finish IEYH

Finish Pearl-Filled Lungs

Update TAoL (Chapter 12 and 13)

Update Absolution

Update 13S

Update Find Me (Chapter 6)

Start the Ballad of the Dragon and the Phoenix

Start editing Alliance

Return to working on Honor Bound

Return to working on We Need Not Be Yellow Tulips

[krokonoko]

Got tagged by the one and only @northernscruffycat 💕

I tag whoever feels like doing this~

How many works do you have on AO3?

29, apparently? the account is REALLY old and has a lot of ancient crap on it tho lmao

-

What’s your total AO3 word count?

128149! which is a lot, considering that I write almost exclusively oneshots.

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How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

10! I’m usually not a very active fic writer lol

video games: Elder Scrolls, Amnesia, Hitman, Dragon Age and Metal Gear Solid

live action movies and TV shows: Better Call Saul, Collateral and Edge of Tomorrow

cartoon and anime: Gravity Falls and Boku no Hero Academia

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What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Bait (Lalo/Nacho, Better Call Saul, 2.7k words. “just” a pwp, but it’s my baby, my beloved)

Ten Years Passed That Night (Bill+Rita, Edge of Tomorrow, 3.4k words. insanely popular by my standards, but also rly old and I don’t remember what happens in it. All I know is that it’s set post canon, Bill experiences an uncomfortable situation, instinctively tries to reset the day through suicide and almost kills himself in the process.)

a Collar by any other Name (Lalo/Nacho, Better Call Saul, 2.7k words. shameless dressing kink. came into existence on a bit of a whim. I think I wrote it down in one go (just like Bait! it seems like those kinda

Something to Hold On To (Lalo/Nacho, Better Call Saul, 4k words. more pwp with an excuse for a thematic red string holding the whole thing together asdfg)

Strange Attractors (Lalo/Nacho, Better Call Saul, 14k words. Lacho, but make it Groundhog Day. holy shit, when did this one get so many kudos?? it’s a very rare multichapter from me and paused atm cause I’m a fickle sob who can’t focus on one and the same thing for more than two weeks :/)

-

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

yeah man, of course! honestly every time I get a comment I can’t really believe it? I never had an opportunity to get used to feedback, so every person telling me they liked my writing brightens my day 🥺

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What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

probably A Cornered Dog. it might seem like Max has risen to power, but in reality, Vincent has (involuntarily) succeeded in turning him from a sweet, emotionally intelligent man into a cold, manipulative person, aka someone who can endure what Vincent puts him through.

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Have you ever received hate on a fic?

yeah, not even a week ago I got this huuuuuuge, longwinded comment on my Kacchako fic Plus One explaining to me in great detail why Bakugo being trans and Ochaco being bi completely ruined the story lmao

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Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I do, but it's a fairly recent development! I mostly write m/m, but I have written m/f and I’m open to writing f/f smut too!

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Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that I know of.

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Have you ever had a fic translated?

yeah, one of my Collateral fics got translated into Russian. I think it was We All Die Alone.

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Have you ever co-written a fic before?

stealing Pandirpus’ answer: I’ve written a very fun Amnesia AU fic with @pandirpus Tabula Rasa - and to this day, it’s the longest and most research-intensive fic I’ve ever written in English.

another fic I’ve co-written is the fantastically smutty Rising Tides which I worked on with the absolute master of E rated content: @seanfiction. Rising Tides itself, and stay with me here, is a story written by Marcius, a character from one of my books. but it’s not just any story, it’s porn he wrote of himself and a certain reptilian man he’s into, but in an alternate universe where they’re both pirates. it’s amazing and ridiculously self-indulgent and I love it.

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What’s your all time favorite ship?

that’s really hard to say cause I ship a LOT. recently I think Lacho has a special place in my heart.

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What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

oh, DEFINITELY Strange Attractors! but the inspiration will have to come with the next season of BCS.

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What are your writing strengths?

rambling, lol? people tell me I’m good at building atmosphere.

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What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

maybe it’s the linguist in me speaking, but imho, if you wanna use a foreign language, you gotta treat it with respect. too many people treat foreign languages as nothing but sexy glitter you dust over your writing for decoration.

if you can, ask a native speaker for help. I try to do the same as often as I can. never, under ANY circumstances, rely on nothing but google translate. there are so many practical translation tools online, folks.

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What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

Pokemon lol. when I was around 12yo or so I wrote like, half a dozen fics that were just self-inserts going on Pokemon journey and nothing else.

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What’s your favorite fic you’ve ever written?

that’s probably Trip Wire. I feel like that one kinda got lost in the amount of Lacho fics I produced, never received any special attention, but I think it’s one of the best things I’ve ever written. it’s got exactly the kind of energy that I try to go for with p much all of my writing, but rarely give myself credit for achieving.

[aobawilliams]

First Line Tag Game!!

I was tagged by @idontonlytalkaboutdcmk

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line, then tag 10 of your favorite authors!

I’ll try to go from more recent to older (date of the creation of the doc will be written in MM/YYYY format), but this might not correspond to the time the sentence was actually written. (I might have missed some stuff but, oh well, whatever.)

1- (04/2021) Aizawa meets Izuku AU (MHA, OS in progress)

It was luck that brought Shouta here.

2- (03/2021) Vigilante Yagi AU (MHA, in-progress, either a long-fic or a serie of OS)

All Might has been a hero longer than he has ever been Yagi Toshinori.

3- (02/2021) Dad For All AU (MHA, various blurb on tumblr so far, most likely a longfic)

Izuku was trying really hard not to panic. One second he was fighting a villain with a still unknown quirk, the next he found himself __ years in the past, according to the news report currently going on TV.

4- (02/2021) Midoriya Inko’s Guide To Good Parenthood (MHA, in progress, probably a serie of OS?)

Midoriya Inko isn’t anything special. She's 30 going on 52, has a really bad case of anxiety, can and will cry for any reasons, and has gotten so many grey hair from her son's shenanigans its a wonder she still has green hair.

5- (12/2020) The Kids Will Be Alright (DCMK, spin-off of Sharpen Your Knives)

Ran was running. Fast, fast, faster, not fast enough. She put all her strength in her legs, went as fast as she could.

6- (11/2020) Before the coffee gets cold - The Sisters (DCMK, OS published on AO3)

It was probably foolish of her to come back to this place. But, on the off chance that the rumours were true, she wanted to give it a chance.

7- (11/2020) Sharpen Your Knives (DCMK, in-progress longfic, won’t be published for a long while)

Shinichi has no idea how things could have gone so wrong, so quickly.

8- (08/2020) The Time Travel Road Trip Case (DCMK, spin-off of Who The F- Is This) (technically not the first lines, but it’s the first part I’ve written)

Shinichi(Conan) felt someone lift him up from the back, he turned his face as he came level with their chest, one look at their face and…

Well, guess he found KID.

9- (06/2020) Who The F- Is This (DCMK, longfic in progress, the first chapters are on AO3)

Shinichi’s head was throbbing. He felt like someone was playing drums with his head. What has happened?

10- (06/2020) Harrinichi Kupotter (DCMK & Harry Potter x-over, longfic in progress)

Shinichi doesn't really believe in superior beings, gods or the supernatural. So far everything in his life could be explained by science and very human tricks.

11- (03/2019) Naobuza & Raphtaku AU (The Rising of the Shield Hero & Naruto x-over, an old baby I keep coming back to)

If you were to ask anyone to tell you about Naofumi Iwatani, those who remember him would tell you that he’s a weird kid. There’s something otherwordly about him, as if he was evolving in a totally different universe from them.

12- (01/2019) The self-indulgent FMA TT au (FMA, an old project that I should go back to, someday)

Somehow, sometimes, Ed felt like there was some being out there, out for him.

13- (01/2019) Nanadaime time travel AU (Naruto, will most likely be an OS, one day I will finish it enough to post it on AO3)

It was a late night In the Hokage office, one of many. As was usual by now, the Hokage was filling paperwork at his desk, his right-hand-man filling his own number of files at his side.

14- (11/2018) Baby Ed saving the world with hugs and punches (FMA, an old project that I will go back to)

On a warm night during the summer of 2005, as the sun left it’s place for the shining stars, Edward Elric went to sleep for the last time besides his lovely wife, in the house he has rebuilt with his own two hands.

15- (06/2018) The roadtrip 03Ed never knew he needed (FMA03/CoS & Fantastic Beasts and where to find them x-over, a serie of OS)

He wasnt sure what brought him back here.

Maybe he just wanted to make sure Envy was dead, one monster less in this world. Or maybe he just wanted to make sure there was no way between both world (no way to go home.)

16- (04/2018) Badass Women Roleswap AU (FMA, I still sometime go back to it, will most likely be a serie of OS)

Ed didn’t have many memories of his father. He could remember a tall man, who always looked sad. A giant who always had trouble when it came to holding him and his brother. A figure always working in his study. A person who always looked sad when teaching them alchemy.

17- (03/2018) FMA TT fic I wasnt planning to expend (FMA, old project, I will get back to it.) (it is, also, the first fanfic idea I got when I got back into writing fics)

Nothing happened as it should have been. No matter everything they’ve done to try and stop him, the dwarf in the flask still managed to bypass it all and, in some way, reach his goal.

And that’s pretty much it for any written stuff I got (anything else is too old)

Bonus: A la recherche du canard (Looking for the duck) - it’s an old assignment I had for french class, where we had to pick an article and write a short story based on it. (When I say old, I mean it’s from 2012 - it’s a good way to see how far I’ve come). It’s honestly really bad but I did have a lot of fun back then. (This is a translated from french version btw) (yes I stole names from Hetalia I was always terrible at finding names for characters)

The sun shined upon the sleeping man face, who opened his bright blue eyes. He got up suddenly, throwing his blanket on the ground. Today would be the day where he, Alfred F. Jones, Yorkville police officer, would accomplish his mission: keeping an eye on the annual fair set-up.

So, observations: You can very clearly see me go through various fandom phases it’s funny. Also my naming skills for the AUs got slightly better (but not that much.) I do tend to drop a name (usually the person from whom the POV is) in those first sentences. The first paragraph tend to get shorter with time (which might simply be because I realised I tend to lose focus when it gets too long.) I also never start on dialogue, generally I go for the POV’s thought uh.

I do quite like the ones for the Vigilante Yagi AU and the Midoriya Inko’s guide, The Kids Will Be Alright too. Badass Women I like it but also am not 100% happy with it.

This mostly made me want to share even more about these stories to y’all.

Anyway! Tagging @whoever wants to do it! I’m not sure whom I follow has already done it/been tagged or not, uuuuhhh, maybe @artistfingers ? If you’re a writer and wants to do it then go for it and tag me I guess.

[bereft-of-frogs]

2020 Fic Year in Review

I was tagged by @aurorawest ! I’d been planning on doing something similar eventually and I like the directed questions here, so it worked out well.

Total number of completed stories: 27

Total word count: (I’m terrible about keeping track of word counts so this is total posted word count, thank you ao3 statistics) 189,970

Fandoms written in: MCU, the very tiny fandom of the Netflix series Into the Night, and I got one very, very short Les Misérables fic done

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected? I guess about what I expected? Maybe a bit more, actually, I only ended up being about 40k short of my word count from last year, I didn’t think I’d actually get anywhere close. So that’s good!

What’s your own favorite story of the year? For the tiny airplane fandom, I really liked ‘we are the sleepers, we bite our tongues’. And I’m just going to keep saying ‘where is your sting’ for the MCU lol.

Even though also, I mean, ‘alone amidst the ruins’ is definitely the one I’m most proud of. I worked so hard on it. I just don’t revisit it as much because I spent so much time working on it, whereas I do occasionally reread ‘where is your sting’. XD

Did you take any writing risks this year? Hm. Striking out in a new, very different fandom was a bit of a risk. One that resulted in multiple nights looking up things like ‘how to fly a plane’. :) And also it was really the first time I started writing for a fandom that I had 0 other input other than canon. Before I start writing for a new fandom, I’ve usually read a whole lot of fic and gotten a sense of the audience and what else is out there. But...there was nothing else out there when I started writing. This was all me and it was a little intimidating, especially with some of the technical stuff.

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the new year? Several! 2021 New Year’s Writing Resolutions:

- Not have such a damned complex about writing. Look. I had a whole time this year, I think we all did, and I just want myself to chill tf out about this one thing. Just chill out a little bit, self. Chill.

- Write about more space ghosts. And by that I mean more episodic space adventure plus magic and/or ghosts (bonus points for ghosts) style fics. Sort of along the lines of some of my older whumptober prompts (like ‘1. stabbed’ ‘5. poisoned’ and ‘7. kidnapped’ from ‘pain and other human sensations’ or ‘hurts like ghosts’). I didn’t really do any this year, had a lot more short, angsty fics. The closest I think I got was the whumptober prompt ‘enemy to caretaker’ or maybe ‘withdrawal’. But I have some ideas and even though those fics are a lot of work because of worldbuilding stuff, I want to do that work because they’re really my favorite type of fics.

- Make progress on series. I’d really like to get my next fic in ‘the nine in the tree’ finished before the next Doctor Strange movie is released, and make some progress on the third fic in ‘the dead reign there alone’ considering it’s been like...a long time and I think if I make any progress on it, I’ll feel better.

- Write more second drafts. Oof. Like, this is the most obvious advice that I should have absorbed a lot time ago, but like...writing a second draft makes the writing better. I get that now. I probably won’t do full second drafts for everything, but yeah. More focus on editing/rewriting in the new year.

Most popular story of the year? ‘like a tear on a cheek’ got the most kudos, by quite a bit. I’m happy for it, it was really sappy and indulgent, and kind of a mouthpiece for my own thoughts about forgiveness and redemption. I think that probably struck a chord XD

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: I logically know why this is the case, but tbh my two more extreme AUs I think were slightly underappreciated, if I do say so myself. I did my first actual all-human AU with ‘panic room’ in January, and then my ‘medieval-ish’ fantasy AU ‘a keen scourge through the wintry air’. Like, I get why these didn’t get as much attention as others I wrote this year, I still think they’re a little underappreciated. XD

Most fun story to write: Obviously, I found ‘where is your sting’ to be the most fun. ghosts in space!. It was pure Sakaar Trash Party with ghosts and overwrought dialogue, I had a lot of fun.

Most unintentionally telling story: in a chapter of ‘alone amidst the ruins’, I included a line about the WHO advising on the wearing of masks.

a line that I swear to God, I wrote last year. got to it during the rewrite and had to go lie down for a bit.

Biggest disappointment: Even if I knew I probably wasn’t going to get all the way through the whumptober prompts this year (2018 was a - somewhat scary in hindsight - lightning strike of dedication and inspiration. I don’t know how I did Fall 2018 and I’m not sure it will ever happen again), but I would have liked to finish the ones I had started. Coming up on the end of the year and I’ve left one multichapter fic hanging, and still haven’t finished the ‘possession’ one which should be easy to finish.

This is also more a regret than a disappointment but I do sort of now regret my choice to publish all the whumptober prompts separately. Urgh, I think I would just be happier if they were organized into collections by fandom, they just bury everything else and some of them are so short and I really, really wish I had stuck with my method of organizing them in one document. Errrrr, regret. Like there are definitely benefits to doing it this way, but...still. Wish I had done it the other way.

Biggest surprise: Honestly, getting any comments and kudos from the tiny airplane fandom was an absolutely delightful surprise. Thank you, anyone who kudosed any of those works <3

- - -

So, 2020. What the fuck was that, am I right? It honestly feels like another world already. Like I’ll remember doing something and be like...hm not sure that actually happened to me, sort of feels like that happened to someone else and I just watched. I know I’m supposed to tag people, but also #SocialAnxiety (even in fandom). but please please please if you are a fic writer and want to take a moment to reflect on your writing experience this year, consider this an open tag!!!

[cry-stars]

001 you know me I gotta ask for Clive/Flora :3

I was hoping you would... :D Thank you for indulging me, and I’m sorry for this essay ^^

when I started shipping it if I did:

Long story… I was playing through all of the PL games this spring for the first time in years, and found myself really liking Flora, far more than I’d ever liked her when playing the games as a kid. Then, when I got to UF, I found myself getting really attached to Clive as well. Not only did I love both characters, but I really liked their interactions; I’d been getting upset about how much Flora was left behind, and lo and behold, “Future Luke” tells Luke that Flora should be included on the adventure, and that she’s allowed to be excited, etc. 

Clive kept on sticking up for Flora, and they seemed to get along really well (not to mention all of the cute little moments they had together, like on the stairs to the Thames Arms), and I was getting really invested in their relationship. Then Clive went completely off the rails, and even though I knew this was coming, I honestly felt as upset and confused as Flora did. I wanted to hear his apology, and I wanted to see more out of a relationship that I felt had so much promise. 

my thoughts:

I absolutely love Clora; I haven’t been this excited about a ship in a long time. I adore both characters, and the similarities in their backgrounds are just perfect for writing about; they have so much to bond over. They have a really cute and wholesome dynamic in UF, before they really knew each other, and I love the idea of that continuing and developing into something deeper as they slowly get to know the real versions of each other. 

At first, Flora’s angry and confused, and Clive is lost in self-hate and regret; he’s just messed up so much already, and there’s no way that he can ever apologize correctly. But Flora just refuses to give up on getting the closure she needs, and just keeps on coming back until she gets it. They’ve got the perfect balance of in-game hints where the pairing isn’t pulled out of nowhere, and also open-endedness where there’s lots to explore as a writer. 

I think they’d definitely need a lot of time before ever starting a romantic relationship. While there were little hints at the ship in the game (I think), romance was the farthest thing from Clive’s mind at the time (I don’t think he’d ever been interested in anything of the kind before), and it was Flora’s first proper adventure. Their falling-out in the game really solidifies the fact that they need a lot of time to process things and get to know each other all over again. I’d want them to become good solid friends first before going anywhere near romance. After that, though... ugh, the mutual pining would be so good, ahhh...!

What makes me happy about them:

So much. I really love how on the surface, Flora is the “cute” one and Clive is the “prickly” one, but really, they aren’t that different. Flora has a lot of issues and a lot of pain in her past like Clive, and Clive also gets deeply attached to other people (especially his family) like Flora does. I think that they have so much potential to help each other open up and deal with the difficulties from their pasts, and support each other when the other is going through a rough time. And honestly, they’re just really adorable together. They’ve got such a nice mix of sweetness and angst, and I just love thinking and writing about them.

(Also they’re holding hands in one of the end credits scenes...! I so rarely ship anything with any canon evidence, so that, and all of Clive’s little “Don’t worry, Flora” comments in the game just make me really happy).

What makes me sad about them:

Hhh…. I just think that Clive messed things up SO bad. He messed up from the beginning. It’s not even just the kidnapping part; that could probably be (generously) explained by Clive suddenly deciding that he didn’t want Flora to get stomped by the Mobile Fortress (although he should have told her/just not used the Mobile Fortress, but okay). It’s that he was pretending to be “Future Luke” all along, and, due to Flora’s past of having people she cares about replaced by lookalikes (Dahlia replacing her mom, herself being replaced by Don Paolo (and Luke gleefully showing her the Flora mask on the train ride home!), and less traumatically, Don Paolo replacing the professor), I think that “Big Luke” suddenly turning into “Clive” would be really upsetting for her. 

Despite all of that, though, all Flora asked for was an apology--and then the two of them never get to talk again. I don’t know… I’m just sad that they seemed to get along so well before, and if Clive had been able to say sorry right then, maybe they could have parted on better terms than they did, just like Clive and the professor got to. Instead, we don’t get any apology or closure. Flora deserved an apology.

things done in fanfic that annoys me:

Ugh, SO many things. There’s about 100 stories with both characters tagged on ff.net, and I can only really recommend about ten of them. At best, it’s a generic “bad boy/good girl” dynamic, or Clive is suddenly super nice and Flora is incredibly ditzy, and at worst, Clive’s abusive. (please don’t read the earliest ff.net stories, no matter how desperate you get.) 

Admittedly, people are very critical of Clora at the best of times, so I feel like there’s a higher standard for it than there are for other pairings. I just feel like Flora often gets written as the “everygirl,” sort of as a reader-insert that gets to date Clive. Or, Clive is a total woobie who gets immediately forgiven by Flora with no resistance at all. Honestly though, as long as it’s obvious that someone is trying their best to keep them in-character and on equal footing, I would be happy to read anyone’s take on them. They are a difficult pair to write, I think, so I don’t expect anyone to get it perfect (since there really is no perfect way to write them).

things I look for in fanfic:

Ideally? Just like 10 Years. The slow burn, the hard work to earn forgiveness, the friendship, the attention to their similarities, the acknowledgement of both of their traumas… boy, I will never stop recommending that story. I’m so glad it exists; it’s given me so many ideas and it addresses all of the things that make me feel bad about the pairing. 

Outside of that fic… I just want acknowledgement of what Clive did wrong, him working to fix it, and them starting to understand each other and grow fond of each other. (Also… lots of angst and hurt/comfort, haha, but that’s me with every type of fanfic). Conversely, I’d like to just see them doing cute things together or going on an adventure without talking about the past constantly as well; once the apology is over, they don’t have to constantly return back to the past. I feel like Clora is a super good candidate for slow burn as well; I loved it in 10 Years and I’d love to see another take on it.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: 

Honestly no one… when I really like a ship, I can’t multiship without getting sad, haha… :’) 

My happily ever after for them:

I’ve got several different AUs for them, but for one of them, I’d like to see them get married and move to St. Mystere. They can work together and take over Bruno’s job of repairing the robot residents and take care of the village. They’d visit and be visited by the professor and the rest of the family frequently, but I think that they’d both be happier away from London. I think Clive interacting with the Reinholds would be really funny too, haha… I do have a longer story I still want to write too, though, so my ideas for a happy ending for them may change a lot as I write.

who is the big spoon/little spoon:

It’s a 60-40 split, with Flora being the little spoon slightly more.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity:

I think they try to learn how to be good cooks together. Flora was never good, obviously, but I think that Clive also only knows how to cook the basics (lazy rich kid). Once Clive starts living with the professor, though, he realizes that it’s pretty much going to be up to him to feed this family, because the professor forgets to cook, Flora’s bad at it, and Alfendi’s a baby. He starts to work at getting better, and Flora decides to practice more too, and they wind up competing with each other. They also use each other as test subjects for the food they want to give to the professor (it’s okay if they give each other food poisoning, but the professor? Perish the thought!) By the time Alfendi’s a little kid, they’re both half-decent, but still make fun of each other’s cooking, and Alfendi will pick a side with whoever he’s feeling more charitable towards at the time. 

They also have unscheduled midnight tea time at least once a week. Clive doesn’t sleep a lot, and Flora wakes up during the night quite often, so she often comes downstairs to find him pacing around, and makes a pot of tea. Sometimes she’ll go up again after having a cup, and sometimes they fall asleep on the couch together.

[ravenvsfox]

ok bitch: 4, 6, 8, 15, 18, 41, & 48 for the fic writers ask meme

oh SHIT look at you go!! thanks babe ✨

4) What is your favourite genre to write for?

man I wish I could say I’m strong and multi-faceted but I actually gotta pass on fantasy and sci-fi

who has the time to build a world?? from scratch?? what the fuck

my wheelhouse tends to be drama and horror, plus the kind of magical realism that lends itself to fanciful description. I have lots of ideas for images and almost no ideas for plot, so I write kind of sad, wistful, circular stories lmao

6) If you had to delete one of your stories and never speak of it again, which would it be and why?

ah ew 

I have a buried fanfiction.net account that is FULL of completely humiliating fic that I would actively chew up and swallow just to be rid of it

My whole hard drive is full of fic so self indulgent and terrible that it never saw the light of day, thank CHRIST

we’re talking criminal minds self insert fic and glee crossovers, man

(also my first couple of prompts for aftg were like mediocre smut that can..... go)

8) Where do you take your inspiration from?

Like I read a lot a lot a lot, if I’m not reading novels for a few months I genuinely read hundreds of thousands of words of fanfiction

and I often find that I read a phrase in a story or poem and I’m like oh dope!! how can I steal that in a way that makes it totally different and also mine

Sometimes my mind is blank and I try to snap my fingers and make a metaphor, and what comes to me is the last thing I studied in class. So maybe I was reading about Actaeon, ripped apart by his own wolves. And that’s such rich territory to talk about like self doubt or betrayal. Or I learned about the naming system in ancient Rome -- I could talk about how sad it is to be a contortion of your father. 

I was recently listening to the audio book of I’ll give you the sun and I was like ohhh yah this book majorly inspired my style, and so did stief, and so did the way my brother talks, and so did griffin mcelroy, etc, etc

You inhale your culture and you exhale a story that’s how it goes, homie

15) If you write OC’s, how do you decide on their names?

keeping in mind that I’m the worst titler in the world lol

Honestly I usually just wrack my brain for the name that seems to fit the character outline and then I change it like 18 times when they inevitably sound too ebony darkness dementia ravenway

I had this wip where there was a fire-starter named simon, and then he became enzo like lorenzo (which is off the walls), and then I started calling him ren in my head a la footloose

and then sometimes I’m like okay this character is a leader and she’s from japan siri search japanese baby names meaning strong lol

18) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

Yeah dawg im tired

I was writing a doctor/patient au that I scrapped bc I got swept away in so many prompts

I started writing a oneshot where the feds arrest neil for the murder of his mother bc someone digs up her bones and they find his dna everywhere but I was like..... this is not that exciting a premise, so I left it for a rainy day ya know

I also wrote the first few chapters of a webcomic that eventually fizzled when the artist and I got busy, so yeah I feel like it’s usually more of a lack of time than a lack of passion.

41) What’s you favourite minor character you’ve written?

um idk if anyone remembers the shopkeeper that I wrote into my story about the twins?? A convenience store employee mistakes Aaron for Andrew and I liked that she was a sort of homely no nonsense person who liked drew better than aaron. like. what a character she would have to be for that to be true

I’ve written lots of tiny OCs that I probably like more, but this was one of my few fanfic characters that I was like. yeah. I could write 50 late night interactions between her and andrew

48) What’s your favourite trope to write?

I really like writing like... drift compatibility?? or its equivalent??? soulmates maybe? I love when two characters are very very in sync, and fiercely protective over one another to the point of self sacrifice

I also dig love confessions it’s my dirty secret as an andreil writer lmaooo I love tender helpless vocal love 

Fanfiction Writer Asks

[girls-scenarios]

Honestly, Little by Little (Pt. 3)

Idol: Lua (Weki Meki)

Prompt: Because of who she hangs out with, Lua has the reputation of a “bad girl” around school. You’ve never spoken to her before, and never wanted to, but through a chance encounter, you begin to realize that everything you’d thought you knew about her was wrong. Fem!Reader.

Writer: Admin Kiwi

A/N: FINALLY, I finished it. This idea started off small and then I just kept writing more and more because I love Lua and I love these types of AUs. Also disclaimer I still know next to nothing about ballet so I’m sorry if I butchered anything here. Anyway I’m so glad you guys enjoyed this long self-indulgent fic, and stan Weki Meki (and Lua). 

Part 1 Part 2

When Friday morning rolled around and your alarm went off, forcing you to wake up, you rolled over and stared at your phone. You knew your face was puffy from all the crying you’d done the night before, and your throat was still a bit sore, making it even harder to wake up. Today was the night of the ballet performance, but it was also the last day; after today, you would no longer be dating Lua.

The idea made you sadder than you would have thought when this all began, and you shoved your head into the pillow, trying not to be so negative. As much as you wanted to tell your parents to call you in sick, you knew you needed to go to your classes. This wasn’t worth ruining your hard-earned grades over, and you had tests coming up.

Sighing, you sat up and picked up your phone, blinking your eyes sleepily. There was a text, and the name of the sender jolted you awake.

-I won’t be at school today, we have rehearsal :( See you tonight?

You stared at the text, heart thumping in your chest. Hyunjin and Heejin had been right, it seemed. Lua did still want to see you.

-I’ll be there. What time?

-Starts at 7pm but my friends always come early to get good seats

-Will do

You put down your phone and rubbed your face, steeling yourself as you stumbled out of bed.

It was going to be a long day.

-

“You look like you didn’t sleep,” Hyunjin said when you sat down, making you groan.

“Why are you always like this to me. You know exactly why I didn’t get enough sleep,” you said, sending her a glare with no actual malice behind it. She just smiled and reached into her bag.

“I was just saying so because I think you’ll need this.” She held out a new stick of makeup towards you, and you cautiously took it. “It’s concealer. It’ll help hide those dark circles under your eyes.”

“Like I’ll know how to use it correctly,” you said, looking down at the object in your hand. “You know good and well that my makeup limit is foundation and some mascara, if I’m feeling brave.”

“At least try. Heejin and I can’t come over tonight to help but I thought I’d give you that.” You raised your eyebrows.

“Why? You guys have a hot date or something?” Hyunjin nodded and flipped her hair.

“You guessed it. I’m taking her out tonight.”

“Have fun,” you said, smiling at your friend as you slipped the makeup into your bag.

“Thanks. We totally will.”

The teacher opened the door, interrupting the conversation, but when you glanced back at Hyunjin, she mouthed a “good luck” and winked. You rolled your eyes at her, but it made you feel better, a little bit. Maybe today wouldn’t be as bad as you’d thought.

-

You hadn’t eaten lunch with your friends in what felt like ages, so when you approached the group, they all cheered.

“Hey, it’s (Y/N), Lua’s girlfriend!” Soyeon yelled, and Chaeyoung elbowed her, giving her a look as you winced and sat down.

“Not really. That was a week thing, remember?” Your friends looked at you, confused.

“Really? You guys seemed really into each other, though,” Chaewon said, tilting her head. “What happened?” You shrugged.

“It’s a long story. I’ve missed you guys, though.”

“We’ve missed you too,” Dami said, scooting closer to put her head on your shoulder. “But are you okay? That’s the most important thing.” You smiled and nodded, looking around at the girls you’d come to be close to.

“Yeah. As long as I have you guys backing me up, I’m good.”

“Awe, (Y/N),” Seoyeon said, putting her hand to her chest. Chaeyoung looked at you, eyebrows raised.

“Is everything a secret, or?” You shook your head and began to unpack the first homemade lunch you’d had in a week.

“No, I’ll tell everyone. Are you guys ready for the long story?” Dami sat up and nodded, looking all too interested, and the rest of them crowded closer. Chaewon pulled her tissues out of her bag, like she knew she might need them, and you took a deep breath. “Well, it started like this.”

-

Eating lunch with your friends and getting everything off your chest made you feel lighter, and there was a little smile on your face as you headed to your next class. You could still feel eyes on your back, but you didn’t let it bother you, knowing that you were just going to have to get used to it no matter what happened.

If you and Lua started dating for real, people would stare at you because you were the one who took her away, and if Lua rejected you, people would stare at you because you were the nerd who thought you had a chance. Either way, you were going to be the center of attention for a little while. So you needed to get used to it.

“Hey, (Y/N)?” You stopped in your tracks and turned around to see Yoojung standing there with Doyeon behind her. She gave you a big grin and threw her arms around you in a hug, while Doyeon stood with a hand on her hip and the trace of a smile on her lips. “What’s up? We haven’t seen you in forever!” It had only been a week, right?

“Um, nothing much. Just, going to my next class, like usual.” Yoojung let you go and nodded, glancing at her watch.

“We still have a few minutes, and we’re close to your classroom, right? Can we talk for a moment?” You weren’t going to get beat up or anything, were you?

You nodded. “Sure. What’s up?”

The two girls looked at each other, and then Doyeon stepped forward.

“We just want to know something. About Lua.” Your heart started up at the sound of her name, and you swallowed, feeling your cheeks getting hot. “Do you like her?”

“Uh-.” Yoojung didn’t let you finish searching for the words you were looking for before she spoke.

“We just need to know if you’re serious about her or not. Lua is a really sensitive person and we don’t want her getting hurt.” You waved your hands quickly.

“I’d never hurt her! Not on purpose, anyway. I- I’m serious about her. I really like her.” A slow smile made it’s way across Doyeon’s face, and Yoojung let out a sigh of relief.

“Oh, thank goodness. I knew you were a good person and you wouldn’t lead her on but we had to make sure, you know?” You smiled nervously at them.

“I get it.”

“You’re going to her ballet performance tonight, right?” You nodded your head, and Yoojung grinned. “Great! We’ll pick you up. Chaeyoung said she’s going with you, so just have her text us your address, okay?” The bell rang, and you winced. You were late. Quickly, Yoojung waved. “See you tonight!”

“See you.” You turned as you waved and made your way towards your classroom, giving the teacher an apologetic smile as you entered.

Yoojung’s words hung in your head, and you found yourself spacing out thinking about them. Did this mean that Lua had talked about you to them? Or had they just noticed it too? This meant for sure that Lua liked you back, right? Although, her friends could just be guessing.

Sighing, you shook your head and tried to focus again, even though everything seemed to be getting more and more complicated as the day went by. Would you really be able to go through with this?

-

“It’s just concealer, I can do that much.” Chaeyoung’s voice echoed in your bathroom as she picked up the makeup Hyunjin had given you earlier, grinning. “This is the easy stuff.”

“To you,” you muttered, looking at your reflection in the mirror. You were wearing the same amount of makeup you usually did at school, other than the lipstick you’d put on and the concealer that Chaeyoung was now using on your dark circles. You’d done your hair and picked out an outfit that still felt you, but that was a little bit nicer than your school or casual clothes. This was a ballet performance, after all.

“What time did Yoojung say they’d be getting here?” She asked as she peered close, applying the concealer.

“She didn’t say, but Lua sent me a text this morning saying that her friends are always early, so they should be here soon.”

“I’m glad I sent them the address as soon as I got here, then.” She pulled away and capped the concealer again, setting it down. “See? No more dark circles.” You looked into the mirror and turned your head slightly, admiring how well the concealer had worked. Maybe this was something you needed to learn, especially during exam season when you hardly slept at all.

“Thank you,” you said, at the same time that the doorbell rang, signalling Yoojung and Doyeon’s arrival. You stood up, but Chaeyoung darted out of the room ahead of you, beating even your parents to the door.

“Welcome!” She said as she opened the door, making you roll your eyes and shake your head.

“This is my house, Chaeyoung.”

“I pretty much live here anyway,” she replied, shrugging her shoulders before turning back to Yoojung and Doyeon, who seemed very amused. “Are you guys ready?”

“Ready if you are,” Doyeon said, spinning her keys on her finger. You suddenly felt self-conscious, knowing what kind of life Doyeon lived, and grabbed your purse from the chair beside the door.

“Alright, let’s go,” you said, ushering Chaeyoung out and waving at your parents, who were looking curiously around the kitchen corner. “I’ll be back later!”

Doyeon owned a brand-new BMW, but you weren’t even surprised. Of course she would have such a nice car, if what you’d seen at the party was any indication of her life.

“Buckle in, I don’t wanna lose my license,” Doyeon said as she started the car, looking at you and Chaeyoung through the rear-view mirror. Immediately, the two of you obeyed, buckling up as Doyeon pulled away from the house and onto the main road.

Yoojung turned on some 2NE1 and began to sing and rap along, getting Chaeyoung to join in, but you couldn’t make yourself join in. Your heart was beating like crazy and you could feel your palms sweating as you looked out the window, unable to calm yourself down. The tickets and the keychain sat in your purse (you’d checked on them multiple times to make sure they were there), but as the car neared the venue, you could feel the confidence you’d gotten from your friends dwindling. You hadn’t seen Lua at all since she’d left you in the library the day before, and you felt just as nervous as you’d been at the party. It was like all the courage you’d gained throughout the week had been destroyed the day before.

You took a couple breaths to try and calm yourself, closing your eyes. But you saw Lua behind your eyelids, smiling so wide that the dimples beneath her eyes were showing. You saw that smile that had become so familiar, and quickly opened your eyes again, knowing that your cheeks were flushed. It hadn’t helped at all, and now Doyeon was pulling into the parking lot, and you were even more nervous than you’d been when you were leaving.

“Ready?” Chaeyoung asked, reaching over to grab your hand, and you gave her a weak smile.

“Not really, but I’m getting there.” She gave you an affectionate grin.

“You’ll be okay, I promise.” She gave your hand one last squeeze before she let go to open her door and get out, and you did feel a little better. Still, you took one last deep breath before getting out yourself, steadying yourself as much as you could.

The venue was huge, much bigger than you’d thought it would be, and you looked around with wide eyes.

“Wow,” Chaeyoung said, taking the words out of your mouth, and Yoojung laughed.

“Right? Lua’s ballet company is widely known, so they always have huge shows. They’re all crazy good, too.”

“So impressive,” you said, mouth dropping open as you took in the crowd waiting to get in. “When she said get here early, she wasn’t joking.” Doyeon nodded and held up her tickets.

“Yeah, but we have special passes since we’re close to her. Come on, we’ll get our seats and everything and then we can see her backstage.” Your heart jumped again, but you let Doyeon and Yoojung lead you over to the ticket booth as you pulled your tickets from your purse.

The girl behind the counter gave you and Chaeyoung a once-over, probably because she’d seen neither of you before, but she let you both in with Doyeon and Yoojung, handing both of you back half of your ticket.

“You’ll use that to get backstage,” Yoojung explained, pointing to the ‘exclusive access’ portion of the ticket as the four of you made your way into the almost-empty auditorium. A few other people milled around, other friends and family, and Doyeon suddenly stopped and turned around.

“Hey, (Y/N), we’ll go ahead and get the seats, why don’t you go back and see Lua now? She’s in the fourth fitting room.” Your heart stopped for a moment and your eyes widened.

“Alone?”

“Yep,” all three girls said together, and you resisted the urge to whimper. But the keychain still sat in your purse, and you knew that you wouldn’t be able to give it to her with everyone there. So you squared your shoulders and glanced around.

“Where do I go?”

-

It was easier than you had expected to find the fitting rooms, but your hand hesitated as you brought it up to knock on her door. Would she be happy to see her, or would you end up upsetting her? This wouldn’t mess up her performance, would it?

Your mouth felt dry, but you mustered all the courage hiding behind your anxiety and knocked.

You heard shuffling on the other side of the door, and Lua calling a quick “hang on!” Your heart beat hard in your chest, and you knew that your cheeks were flushed as you fidgeted with your fingers, moving from foot to foot.

When Lua finally opened the door, her eyes widened when they met yours. She looked different than she usually did, her hair slicked back in braids and her makeup done with a more feminine precision, turning her into the character Dorothy. She was in slippers, but she had on the dress that she’d be wearing for the show, the iconic blue and white dress, cut just a little shorter than usual to give her a full range of motion as she danced. She looked cute, and it made your heart skip a beat. The butterflies were back.

“Hey,” you said for a lack of anything else to say, giving her a small smile. She blinked, seeming to finally realize what was happening, and quickly stepped to the side, smiling back at you.

“(Y/N)! You made it!”

“I did. Doyeon, Yoojung, and Chaeyoung are with me, but they went to go get seats.” When she closed the door, the room felt like it got smaller, but you tried to ignore it as you stood awkwardly in the middle, unsure of what to do.

“Oh, you can sit down in one of the chairs! It’s just me using this room and the makeup artist already left,” she said, gently touching your arm to lead you over to a small seating area at the opposite side of the mirrors. Carefully, you sat down, allowing space for her to sit down next to you. “I’m glad you made it.” She was telling the truth, you could tell it from the way she said it, and it soothed your nerves.

“I’m glad I made it too,” you said, trying to keep it lighthearted as you looked at her. Wow, had you missed her smile. And it had only been a day. “How are you feeling?”

“Good, confident! I was a little nervous before but our rehearsals went well so I feel better.” She tugged at one of the braids, letting out a soft laugh. “I bet I look weird right now, though.”

“No, you look cute.” The words came out on their own, like they had been since you met her, and you could feel your cheeks heating up again. But you didn’t regret it, especially when it made her ears turn pink and her eyes get a little wider.

“Oh, really?”

“Really. I like the braids.” A wide smile, one that showed those dimples you liked so much, broke across her face, and she looked down at her hair again.

“Thank you.” The air still felt a bit awkward, but the thickness that had been there when you first arrived had gotten lighter, and when her hand moved over to cover yours, it felt right. For a moment, the two of you just sat there, not saying anything. Then, swallowing, you turned to look at her again.

“Um, I got you something.” Again, her eyes widened as she looked at you, curiosity crossing her face. Quickly, you reached into your purse and pulled out the keychain, displaying it to her before you could have second thoughts. Her mouth dropped open, and she slowly brought up her hand to touch the ballerina charm, almost like she couldn’t believe her eyes. “I meant to give it to you yesterday, but....” You trailed off for a moment before picking back up, not wanting things to feel awkward again. “I figured it might give you good luck before the show tonight. And I really wanted you to have it.”

There was something unreadable and soft in her eyes as she picked up the keychain and looked from it to you, and then back again.

“Wait, when did you get this?”

“When we were at the mall Wednesday,” you admitted, “when I said that I was going to buy the book keychain, I did it so that you wouldn’t suspect anything. You looked so excited when you saw it, I just.... Wanted to see you smile like that again.” She held the keychain to her chest, mouth slightly open, searching for the words to say.

“I.... Thank you. I don’t know what else to say, this is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me,” she said, voice wavering, and you panicked a bit. She was wearing full show makeup, and you’d never meant to make her cry. But then she surged forward and wrapped her arms around you, holding you tight. It was the first time she’d hugged you, the first time she’d done anything other than hold your hand, and for a moment, you froze up.

Slowly, you brought your arms up to hug her back, breathing in the smell of her perfume as you fell for her even further. She was so warm, and you didn’t want to pull away.

“Lua, you have five minutes!” An unfamiliar voice broke the moment from the door, and Lua quickly pulled away, wiping gently at her eyes before looking back up and you and giving you a smile so brilliant it outshone that florescent lighting of the room.

“Sorry. It looks like I’ve got to go.”

“That’s okay!” You jumped up from your seat and closed your purse, eyes moving across her face to make sure you hadn’t messed up her makeup in any way. Thankfully, everything still looked amazing, and you smiled at her. “Good luck. I’m looking forward to seeing your performance,” you said, moving towards the door. She stood up as well and seemed to be debating whether to say something as she walked you to the door.

When you stood just outside the door, and her just inside, she stopped.

“(Y/N)?”

“Yes?”

“You’re making it really hard not to like you.”

-

Your head was spinning has you made your way over to where your friends were sitting, so spaced out that it was a miracle you didn’t trip and fall. As you got closer, you could see that the rest of Lua’s friends had joined, but that there was a seat left for you between Chaeyoung and Yoojung.

“How’d it go?” A voice sounded behind you and you jumped, spinning around to come face-to-face with Doyeon.

“Um.” You didn’t know what to say, because you were still processing what Lua had said. Was that a good thing? A bad thing? You’d been unable to respond because the stage manager had come up and shooed you away, so you were stuck with her words whirling around in your head. Her raised her eyebrows.

“(Y/N)?”

“I-I don’t know how to explain it,” you said, looking down at the floor. You hardly knew Doyeon, and she was still intimidating to be along with. But to your surprise, she put her hand on your shoulder.

“That’s alright. Why don’t we go sit back down with Chaeyoung, and if you’re comfortable, you can tell us about it then?” You looked at her, touched that she somehow seemed to know exactly how you were feeling.

“Thanks. I’d like that.”

All eyes were on you when you stepped up to your chair, and Lua’s friends waved at you, some of them looking a bit curious. What had they been expecting to happen when you went back there?

“How did it go?” Chaeyoung asked as you sat down, echoing Doyeon’s words from earlier. But with Chaeyoung there, you felt more comfortable, and you’d had a little bit more time to process it now.

“Well…. I don’t know.” Everyone’s eyes were on you, and you swallowed. “I gave her the keychain.”

“Did she like it?” Chaeyoung reached over to put her hand over yours, calming your nerves down a bit.

“I think so. But she said something.” As you spoke, everyone leaned in closer, and the lights dimmed. You glanced around, shutting your mouth, but Yoojung waved her hand.

“You’re good, the band will play before the show starts. What did she say?” Having everyone looking at you made you a bit uncomfortable, but you figured they should know. They were Lua’s friends, they might know what she meant.

So you told them what she’d said, and watched as their eyes widened and they looked at each other. Chaeyoung’s grip on your hand tightened and her other hand came up to cover her mouth.

“Wow. So she really does like you,” Suyeon said, eyebrows raising as she turned to look at Elly beside her. “I didn’t believe it at first.”

“Not because there’s anything wrong with you,” Elly clarified for her, “it’s just that Lua hasn’t liked anyone since… well, you know.” You glanced over at Chaeyoung, who gave you a sheepish smile.

“I told them that we knew about everything because Yoojung brought it up. I hope you don’t mind?”

“I don’t,” you assured her, shaking your head and looking up at the stage. Her friends had said it themselves, and as much as you could hardly believe it, it had to be true: Lua liked you too. The butterflies started up again and your heart squeezed in your chest, and you wondered if this was what it felt like to be in love. You’d never felt any of this before, and it was a bit overwhelming, but in a good way. 

The other girls looked like they wanted to say something, but the band had finished playing and the curtains were raising, so they settled back in their seats instead. Swallowing, you sat back and put your hand over your chest, willing your heart to calm down as the show started.

-

If Lua was cute doing everyday things, here she was stunning. From the moment that she came on stage, you couldn’t take your eyes off her. When you’d been with her, she’d shown that she could be slightly clumsy. She was known to be a tomboy and enjoy comfortable clothes and her mouth dropped open slightly when she slept and she was so incredibly loud when she talked and laughed.

But onstage, she was graceful and beautiful, another side to the girl you were still learning so much about. You were sure the audience would never guess what she acted like offstage, because she was so good. She never missed a step and her facial expressions were perfect, taking your breath away every time she was onstage.

As the ballet neared the climax, her eyes met yours in the crowd, and she smiled that brilliant smile that made your heart jump and stop. She was beautiful. And you really, really liked her.

The final dance ended, and the entire cast came onstage to bow, but you still couldn’t take your eyes off Lua. Somehow you even drowned out the clapping around you, and for a moment, her eyes met yours and it felt like the two of you were the only two in the auditorium. It was when she looked away that you made up your mind.

You weren’t going to be afraid anymore. You were going to pursue this, no matter where it took you.

-

After the show had finished, you made your way back to her dressing room again, following the familiar path with your heart beating hard inside your chest. Everyone else was somewhere behind you, but you were only focused on the path ahead of you that led to her.

The door was open slightly, and you didn’t hesitate this time when you reached up to knock on the door.

When she answered, she was smiling, strands of hair falling out of the braids and her cheeks flushed with excitement and exertion. She still looked so cute and pretty after giving it her best, eyes sparkling as she stepped to the side to let you in.

“(Y/N)! Did you enjoy the show?” You gave her a smile, opting to stand in front of her this time as she shut the door.

“I did. You were incredible up there.” She beamed, positively glowing, and reached up to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

“Thank you, I-.” If you didn’t say it now, you’d lose the courage to say it ever. So you interrupted her, rushing over your words.

“You know, you make it hard not to like you too.” You caught her off guard and her eyes widened, mouth dropping slightly open before her entire face flushed and she brought her hand up to cover her mouth.

“W-wait, you-? What do you mean?” It was such a cute reaction, and you knew your cheeks were flushed too as you let out a nervous laugh.

“I like you, Lua. More than just as a friend.” It was like a million emotions went across her face at once.

“Since when?” She asked, slowly bringing her hand down.

“I don’t really know, honestly. Tuesday? Wednesday?” It was embarrassing to admit it and you had to fight the urge to escape the situation.

“Oh my god. This entire time, I’ve been trying not to like you, and you’ve liked me back? I didn’t have to worry about anything?” She groaned and stepped forward, putting her head on your shoulder, and you didn’t really know what to do.

“I’m sorry? I didn’t know you liked me either.” She let out a sigh, but when she brought her head up to look at you again, she was smiling.

“You don’t have to apologize. We were both a little dumb. I’m just not used to all this stuff.”

“Same here. I’ve never dated anyone,” you said, regretting it almost immediately as your face flushed again and you glanced down at the floor out of embarrassment.

“Wow, really?”

“Yeah, I mean, who wants to date the math nerd?” You said, trying to joke the awkwardness away.

“I do.” She had to stop saying stuff like this, because your heart couldn’t take it. “Also, here’s a little secret. I’ve only dated one person I really liked.”

“But you’ve dated plenty of people,” you pointed out.

“It’s not like I really do anything with them other than maybe hold their hand. I don’t do any of the things with them that... that I want to do with you.”

“Oh-.”

“Can I kiss you?” It came so out of the blue, but her eyes were so earnest, and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t want to kiss her too.

“I’ll probably be bad at it,” you said, voice wavering.

“You won’t know unless you try.” She was so... magnetic. You found yourself moving closer, as if your body had a mind of its own. Every bit of you just wanted to be held by her.

“Then yes.”

“Yes what?”

“Yes, you can kiss me.” She grinned at your words and leaned forward, taking you into her arms. You wrapped your arms around her shoulders, shy because you didn’t really know what to do, and she brought a hand up to cup your cheek. Your eyes fluttered closed at her touch, and the next thing you knew, she was kissing you.

It took you a moment to tentatively kiss her back, pulling her closer without realizing exactly what you were doing.

And then she was pulling away, and both of you had matching pink cheeks. Her eyes met yours, and both of you burst into giggles, leaning back into each other.

“You aren’t bad,” she said, eyes sparkling. “But I don’t think it would hurt to teach you some more.” The butterflies started up again and you gave her a look, trying and failing to not smile.

“Your friends will be here any minute.”

“What? So they can’t see me kissing you?”

“It’s embarrassing,” you whined, and she beamed, letting her forehead fall against yours. She was so beautiful up-close, and for the first time, you noticed how dark and deep her eyes were. You could feel yourself falling into them, because they were focused on you, and only you.

“Just one more kiss,” she said, voice a whisper, and you couldn’t resist her. Everyone would probably burst through the door at any moment, and it would be embarrassing, and the two of you would probably never be able to live it down. But she was warm and inviting and your lips tingled for the chance to taste her again, so you couldn’t bring yourself to care, letting your eyes flutter closed.

“Just one more.”

[egelantier]

fic written in 2018 meme

total number of posted stories in 2018: 18 total word count: 56.380 fandoms written in: final fantasy xv, mahoutsukai no yome, guardian, star wars (OT), shirogane no ou, star stealing prince, vatican miracle examiner. fandoms I wouldn't have expected to write this year: star stealing prince, on account on never playing the game before. looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you'd predicted? haaaaaaaaaaaaa. ha. this year was insane. i wrote more than i ever wrote in an hour before, by a lot; i was, for my, like a damn fic writing machine. i hope it wasn't a one-year fluke, but either way - here we are. what's your own favorite story of the year? a working relationship, an ignis and gladio adventure with kidnapping, torture, and competence porn. i wrote it just because, for a kinkmeme prompt but for no challenge or deadline, and actually got to the end of it, and it had action and adventure and dialogue and whump, and it was just - fun. (and long.) my best story of this year: this is hard to judge, but i think give your heart and soul to charity - another one i wrote on a whim, without a requester or challenge pressure, a bittersweet fairytale-ish ever after about permanent deaging and grief and new beginnings. i took my time with it and let it expand organically, and i think it got more or less exactly where i wanted it to go. (this said, next time i decide to write a story hinging on a four-way high stakes conversation where one of the participants is blind? shoot me.) (this said, apparently 'high stakes conversations where one of the participants is blind' is apparently my go-to trope this year. no i don't know either.) my most popular story of this year: most popular by ao3 hit count: you couldn't have it any other way, a chocolate box ffxv story i wrote for lagerstatte that kicked off the entire ffxv obsession thing, and also the whole 'conversations while blind (and also dying)' shtick. most popular by ao3 kudos: ditto! i think i landed in a very nice point of challenge zeitgeist.   most popular by ao3 comments: a working relationship, followed up by down comes the night, my guardian casefic for yuletide, and for the hint of a spark, a luke&leia post-endor story written for fandom5k. story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: it's not precisely underappreciated! my recip loved it, and i've gotten some lovely comments - but can't take the kid from the fight, a mahoutsukai no yome orphanfic/sickfic was hella fun to write, and i wish more people saw it. most fun story to write: want every tomorrow, a ravus/ignis story i wrote as a birthday gift for court_of_ocelot. it's a pretty dark story, in itself - about grief, and living after your sole guiding light is lost, and finding each other in the dark - but it was a joy to write, and the process itself was smooth and easy. sexiest story/story with the single sexiest moment: i still stick to gen/fade-to-black, so let's go with luna and ignis discussing ignis being noct's dowry in, well, dowry. hardest story to write: for the hint of a spark - it was a fandom5k assignment, and it fell square in the middle of complete IRL shitfest - moving! group! logistics! - and i ended up writing it frantically over the course of two days, very, very close under the line. i'm pleased with how it came out (and i am endlessly grateful to morbane for whipping it into shape on a really tight schedule), but writing it was a stamina exercise. and also, in a different way, you couldn't have it any other way, because it was the story that broke the most horrendous writer's break for me. i've had to literally force myself into writing it - there's a page, in the beginning of that fic's document, where i'm frantically trying to talk myself past the really horrible bout of anxiety - and i'm so, so glad it did. apparently it was a beginning of a beautiful friendship :D darkest story to write: passage, hands down. ffxv is a pretty tragic game, in itself, and apparently a part of my brain became immediately devoted to making it even darker. so, well. catatonia! grief! caretaker fatigue! mercy-killing! i maintain it's more hopeful than not, but... yeah. favorite title: give your heart and soul to charity, both for how it suits the fic and for the sly hint at the contents hidden in the song it's cribbed from. favorite opening line: The king must die. favorite closing line: When he pulls the trigger, the hum of the cicadas falls silent, just for a moment. Then it begins again. did you take any writing risks this year? a l l o f t h e m. longfics! casefics! cdrama fandom! anime fandoms! writing for a kinkmeme! writing just because! it was a very stretchy year, in this sense. do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the New Year? i live in fear of my newfound ability to write without, like, dying, being a fluke. it's not so far - i'm writing right now, and it's hard and complicated and i'm panicking and being really close to the deadline, but i'm writing. so - i want to keep doing that, and to have some space to figure out what is my 'style' and what are my unfortunate and repetitive writing tics, and to write more long fics, and to just write anything that comes into my damn mind. it's going to be interesting... stories I haven't yet written, but intend to: - i swear to god i will finish this whipping/crucifixion story if it kills me. - there's another ignis kidnapping fic that i have a third of, and i want to get it done. - ignis/noct/luna canon divergence fixit au of doom? MAYBE. - and whatever else strikes my fancy! i'm going to keep track of kinkmeme and just, like. indulge. HOPEFULLY. i'd like to thank the academy ... court_of_ocelot for being the most reliant, kind, supportive, thoughtful, loving and excited alfa/beta reader ever (that one time i had to write a story for her without showing her was the worst); ignis whump discord for being the best damn supportive audience for ridiculously self-indulgent whump there can be; naye, gnine and xparrot for enabling me all through my ridiculous guardian yuletide adventures; and morbane for being an incredibly thorough, merciless and nurturing beta who never failed at making me think and try to do better. and overall - i've had really great response to my fics all through the years, with a lot of lovely and supportive comments, and honestly? i write fic as a sort of - conversation, storytelling, talking around the fire - and people who read the stuff you write, sometimes because they like it, and sometimes because they like you, and sometimes just because - they keep me going; no drawerfics for me! so that was fun.  

[foxnonny]

writing meme

tagged by the indomitable @stitchcasual

What is your total word count on AO3?

337,965 which... huh. That’s definitely a number??? Huh.

How often do you write?

At least once a week I’ll write SOMETHING (whether it makes it to publishing or not is another thing altogether), but I definitely get creativity, inspiration, and energy in bursts. So some weeks I’ll be writing every single day, some weeks not so much, but yeah on average probably at least once a week.

Do you have a routine for writing?

L O L  N O P E because the minute I try to establish a routine then I get into this mindset of like “oh the circumstances are not *right* for writing, the stars aren’t aligned, it’s not the right time of day, I’m not in the right place” etc. I do a lot of guerrilla writing, like I’ll have a gmail doc open on my phone on transit and I’ll be writing in rough dialogue and exposition while it’s fresh in my head. I have notes for different stories EVERYWHERE - on my phone, on my computer, in the backs of notebook, on scrap paper, it’s a mess. 

Do you have a favourite fic of yours?

Oh gosh that’s hard. Uh. THEY’RE LiKE MY CHILDREN I LOVE THEM ALL FOR DIFFERENT REASONS.

Heart Says Go is near and dear to me because of everything it represents and how long I’ve been working on it and how much of ME has gone into it. I feel like the Child, the Darkness Will Rise series (which I really need to continue) had some of my best dialogue and creative moments (like, the entire exchange between Fenris and Solas in this chapter I consider some of my best writing quite honestly). Also the entire gra-dilseacht-cairdeas series is just sweet because I love Mahanon so much.

You’ll Remember Me makes me cry every goddamn time so there’s that??

Your fic with the most kudos?

Heart Says Go only juuuuust beats out You’ll Remember Me, which I mean... it’s a long fic, so makes sense!

Anything you don’t like about your writing?

The phrase “undeniable heat.” More specifically, “(they) looked at (them) with undeniable heat.” I didn’t realize how often I used it until I reread things and I feel like that’s a phrase that should only be used ONCE (1) in anyone’s body of work.

On the whole I’m really critical of my writing - I think I get repetitive and my dialogue is noticeably stronger than my exposition. I’m also much better at writing emotion-based story arcs than like... plot-based story arcs if that makes sense. I also have a tendency of boiling down characters if I’ve been writing them for a while and missing nuances - way too easy to turn fully-fleshed and complex characters into stock characters if I’m not paying attention. Oh, and I keep writing my own life into shit which isn’t necessarily bad but I can definitely get way too self-indulgent at times and that’s when I do big block editing and cut a bunch of shit out.

Now something you do like (about your writing)?

I make emotions happen? That’s why I make anything, writing or music or otherwise. If I make people feel things then I’m happy, and sometimes the comments I get - especially ones from people who kind of get the place I’m writing from sometimes and say that I’ve helped them feel a thing that helps them (I’m not very coherent with all this sorry), then I’m happy. I get really excited when I come up to certain story beats that I feel strongly about, the ones that make me tear up to sad music on the SkyTrain because of the characters and what they’re going through, because I love seeing other people feel things about it too.

Also, sometimes I’m REALLY GOOD about planting and payoff. Sometimes. Not always.

What are your favourite kinks/tropes/pairing?

GONNA PUT THE REST UNDER A CUT FOR NSFW SO QUICKLY: IMMA TAG @therealmnemo, @lunaahawke, @motherfuckingnazgul, and ANY OTHER WRITERS WHO WANT TO DO THIS THING TO DO THE THING

Kinks: ........a lot. I mean a lot of the classics, with one or two less commonly seen in fanfic sadly (I mean I write Iron Bull ffs that should cover most of them) (also is it just me or is admitting having a bit of a tickling kink way more embarrassing than being like “bruh please rec me a good bdsm tease/denial fic with vibrating EVERYTHING and lots of ropes and chains” like idk maybe that’s just me). For writing, I love writing any semi-public “we gotta be quiet” scenario especially if it’s one just being a major dick to their definitely enjoying life but oh god why here why now partner (see: that one under-the-desk dorian/lavellan smut fic I wrote). 

Tropes: Is trauma recovery a trope??? Also MAJOR fan of hurt/comfort, friends waiting on the sidelines with popcorn while the idiots dance around their feelings, sentinel/guide (I’m legit writing a video essay on it because I love it so much and find the history FASCINATING), cuddling, sweet slightly naive sunshine folks and the people who’ll kill to protect them, head and the heart, all that fun shit. Also, frat!aus.

Pairing: Have You Heard The Good News About FenHawke? 

Though for real one of my favourite pairings to write for has been Marian and Isabela in HSG, i feel like I kind of Trojan Horse’d a complex and kind of personal love story about a relationship between two damaged people scared to really commit but trying their damnedest into a FenHawke coffeeshop au. Of all the pairings I’ve written, those two have felt the realest to me. 

Also, my fucking HEART for Bull, Dorian, and Mahanon - especially Bull and Mahanon, because I actually romanced Bull on my first run through DAI and I find their dynamic fucking fascinating?? But it’s just not complete without Dorian, I love him to death. All three of them. I could (and have) go on for DAYS.

ANYWAY THANK YOU FOR TAGGING ME IN THIS AHH