#this applies to all my character's names - i think it's funny if people have no clue how to say them or get it wrong

[holytrickster]

also i finally finished the silm earlier and oh my god i understood narn i chin hurin so much better this time. like i know the whole thing isn't included but the fact the main parts are mentioned *after* i knew who the heck everyone in it was and where everything was happening made it so much more understandable now than when i first read it back when i was like 14 bc i went like hobbit -> lotr -> children of hurin with a lot of time in between where i forgot stuff

[waterlilyvioletfog]

Rating Scum Villain Characters By How Much I Cheer When I See Them Depicted With Grey Hair

It goes without saying that this list is highly subjective. But it makes me happy! I have not actually seen all these characters with grey hair, i don’t think. Listed ages reflect end of book except where stated otherwise.

Mobei-jun: 2/10. Age: fuck if I know. We’ll say he’s like 39. I understand the whole ice prince aesthetic makes silver/white haired Mobei-jun attractive to some people but I personally think it’s really funny if he just looks absurdly young forever. Assigned youngest child.

Shang Qinghua: 6/10. Age: like 40 or 80 if you count his first life. Shang Qinghua’s perpetual state of total stress is one of his most defining characteristics so grey hair for this character makes sense. Also jives well with his whole sleazy uncle kind of vibe. When paired with above, it can make MBJ look like SQH’s inappropriately younger boyfriend, which is deeply funny to me. Unfortunately, the twinkification of this character in fandom limits my opportunities to experience this kind of joy.

Luo Binghe: 0/10. Age: like 25. It just feels wrong.

Shen Jiu: 8/10. Age: depends, we’ll say 40. If Shen Jiu had grey hair he would dye that shit so fucking fast. Yue Qingyuan would try to re-assure him that oh, shidi, grey hair is nothing to be ashamed about!! And Shen Jiu would be like you stupid fuck it’s clearly caused by my terrible shitty cultivation GET OFF MY FUCKING MOUNTAIN!!!!!!!! But fun fact! It is actually caused by his constant hyper-vigilance, PTSD, and meteoric stress levels. 🙏💚

Ning Yingying: 1/10. Age: also like 25. Gets 1 point for the hilarity of a character named baby ending up prematurely grey.

Ming Fan: 5/10. Age: 27-ish. This kid is so fucking stressed. Obviously this more applies post-jump, not to volume 1!Ming Fan. There is excellent potential here though for every time something happens to Shen Qingqiu, Ming Fan shows up looking greyer and more haggard.

Liu Mingyan: 0/10. Age: like 25. Idk it just doesn’t inspire me.

Sha Hualing: 1/10. Age: also like 25. I was gonna say 0/10 and then i thought about Luo Binghe-wrangling giving her grey hair and her furiously dyeing it black again and I thought it was funny. Sue me.

Gongyi Xiao: 2/10 Age: ??? Dead anyways. See, if the depiction of GYX gives him grey hair, that means he lived long enough to have grey hair 🥺

Yang Yixuan: -10/10 Age: Baby. Reason: Baby.

Tianlang-jun: 10/10. Age: I don’t fucking know, man. Lots of great reasons to give TLJ some greys. # 1, it helps distinguish him visually from Binghe. # 2, appropriate since he is an evil DILF. # 3: my guy got crushed under a mountain for like twenty years I think that entitles him to some grey hair. # 4: I think he’d be completely ridiculous about it. I am imagining him frantically denying he looks his age and demanding Zhuzhi-lang tell him he still looks pretty.

Zhuzhi-lang: 3/10. Age: ?????? On the one hand, ZZL is probably old enough and stressed enough to have grey hair. On the other other hand, his hair is typically depicted as mostly green, partially snakes, so, like, ymmv.

Su Xiyan: 6/10. Age: dead, would probably be in her 40s/50s if she were alive. Look, I cannot deny the appeal of giving some grey hair to the dead dilf mother of all time. Tianlang-jun would also, unfortunately, be staggeringly horny about it.

Mu Qingfang: 7/10. Age: 40s-ish. *Nods approvingly*

Liu Qingge: 4/10. Age: 30-45. Liu Qingge is the assigned baby of the peak lords, so giving him grey hair always feels weird to me. He would look pretty with like a cool silver streak tho. I do also see some appeal to him acquiring grey hair during the five year time skip due to the *hand waves*.

Qi Qingqi: 7/10. Age: 40s-ish. MILF.

Yue Qingyuan: 16/10. Age: 40s-ish. Makes absolutely perfect sense. This is one of the most stressed men alive. He’s very literally the assigned da-ge by the narrative. His cultivation is a total mess because of Xuan Su! Frankly, I’m surprised his hair isn’t totally white by the end of this book! because it would make sense!! within its literary and cultural context from what I know!! Also, it would work with his wardrobe.

Shen Qingqiu: 10/10. Age: 27-ish, technically, except also in his 40s, except also immortal so who really knows. Similar to YQY and TLJ, this makes sense. Shen Qingqiu’s abysmal physical health and terrible mental health are persistent throughout the text, and things like Without A Cure and the widow arc are perfect excuses for SQQ to have grey hair. It makes him look older, which is fun in SQQ’s context for a variety of reasons, including the fact that LBH would find it hot. Elegant, Beautiful, Graceful, Scholarly Qing Jing Peak Lord Shen having grey hair is a beautiful thing indeed 💚

[onbearfeet]

In Which the Wizard School Books Are a Hammer

Okay. I'm gonna tell this story once, and only once, because I think it might help people who are struggling to finally, FINALLY boot J.K. Rowling from their lives.

I can't precisely say I sympathize, but I definitely know how you feel, because I have already had to do this dance with someone I guarantee you've never heard of. I've had all the feelings you've had. I had to find a way through all by myself, and now I'm going to help you so you have an easier time. Okay? Okay.

Content warning: discussion of child sexual abuse (mentioned but not described in detail).

So there's this writer. I refuse to speak or write his name these days, so we'll call him Evil Bob. ("Bob" is my default placeholder name, and this Bob is evil.) Evil Bob was a damn good writer and, frankly, an underappreciated one in his time. I picked up a few of his projects out of the bargain bin on impulse when I was about 12, and after that he was one of my names to conjure with. If Evil Bob had written it, I wanted to read it. He had a kind of perfect workman's style--he did a lot of things pretty well, and he did them in such a way that a bright 12-year-old could see how the trick was done. I learned a lot of basic writerly technique from Evil Bob--things about dialogue and pacing and how to convey character through action and lots of other stuff. Evil Bob unlocked something in my brain, and I really blossomed as a young writer by applying the lessons of his work.

Evil Bob's fiction started to fall off in popularity eventually, so he switched to nonfiction and wrote a damn good history book that won a lot of awards. I read it in college. The man could really interview, I tell you what.

I even got to interview Evil Bob myself, eventually. I was working for a small magazine that wanted to publish an article about a certain minority group's representation in a certain fiction genre, and Evil Bob had written one of the seminal works in that niche, so I tracked down his contact info, called him up, and we had a lovely hourlong chat. He was kind and gracious and funny and --

Yeah, this is where you learn why I named him Evil Bob.

A few years ago, people in Evil Bob's old fiction genre started circulating a list of, shall we say, disgraced writers in the field. Think of it like a MeToo list. The list got passed around every time a new name was added, and at a certain point, after a much more famous name had just been added to it, the list crossed my feed for the first time in a while. I dutifully scanned down it in case there was anyone on it I'd missed; after all, I attended conventions for this genre, and some of these fuckers were on the list for assaulting fans like me, so I wanted to know who to watch out for.

And there, in the middle of the list, was Evil Bob.

Weird, I thought. Evil Bob had seemed chill when I spoke to him, and usually, being 22 with big boobs (as I was when I interviewed him) brought out the perv in these guys if there was any perv to bring out. Well, maybe this was something else--maybe he used a slur on an old tape or something. I googled.

It was something else, all right.

As I sat there googling, Evil Bob was sitting in a federal prison a thousand miles away. He was there because, according to his Wikipedia page, he had been convicted of having so many CSA images on his hard drive that the judge in his case became physically ill. Honestly, I want to know where he got a hard drive that big in the year he was arrested, but I absolutely will not be asking him.

Evil Bob was EVIL. Fuck the carceral state, but also never let that particular dude near kids or a computer again.

So now I had a problem. I was going to stop buying Evil Bob's stuff, obviously--I would drop the man like a hot potato--but I couldn't so easily remove his influence on me. I'll never be 12 years old and digging through the quarter bin at the used bookshop again. There's no way to re-learn the foundations of my artform without Evil Bob. The bastard is part of me, whether I like it or not. He's left his fingerprints on my brain. And while I have negative interest in creating my own criminal hard drive, it's a little hard to shake the irrational guilt (especially since I had been raised in a high-control religious environment where any contact with sin could permanently stain one's soul, and Evil Bob's writing was part of how I escaped, and--you get the idea). I couldn't shed the stink of Evil Bob. I'd written that article. I was covered in the fuckin' ooze.

I'll spare you the six months of angst and self-flagellation. I've been to therapy since this happened. Here's what I eventually decided:

Evil Bob is like a hammer.

My dad gave me an old hammer when I moved out, along with some other miscellaneous hand tools in a paper bag. I bought a toolbox, I put the tools in it, and I use them when I need tools. My dad is an asshole who abused his children, but a hammer is a hammer. Scratch the previous owner's name off the handle, and you can build a pretty fine house with it.

What I learned from Evil Bob are the tools of a trade, and tools are not inherently evil. He taught me how to put sentences together--but I decide what my sentences say. He showed me how to convey character--but I choose what I'm conveying. He made me a writer--but I'm the one writing now.

So I still use Evil Bob's tools, with his name scoured off. I still teach some of those lessons, but he's the one source I don't cite. Oh, that dialogue hack? I picked it up in grad school, pinky swear. Here, let me share it with you for free, with no credit or compensation to the bastard who taught it to me.

I won't pretend Evil Bob wasn't an influence on my younger self, but you'll never hear me speak his legal name. I was one of the few people who really counted themselves fans of his work ... and he'll never get a whisper of a hint of that support from me again. I guarantee you won't be able to track him down from this post, and that's just the way I like it. There's a reason I haven't identified what genre he wrote in, or what his seminal fiction work was about, or whom he interviewed for that prizewinning book.

Damnatio memoriae, motherfucker. This is my hammer now, and it always has been.

So how do we give JKR the Evil Bob treatment?

Unfortunately, the Terf Queen has a larger media presence than Evil Bob ever did. One sad ex-Potterhead won't be able to erase her from culture. But there's a lot more than one of you, isn't there?

The thing is, cultural trends fade faster than you expect. Plenty of celebrities and famous artists of your parents' generation are nobodies now, and it's usually because their work spoke to your parents but not to you. I once witnessed my brother trying to read his sons a 1912 book about Spanish naval history as a bedtime story, and let me tell you, it did not go over well. Some art burns hot and bright and then it burns OUT.

The Potterheads are the parents now. Imagine how easy it would be to just ... stop talking about her. Stop buying the merch. Don't watch the new TV show or play the new game. Don't tell people you used to be a fan--not because you ought to be ashamed, but because you're not going to give her the satisfaction of saying her name. And when your kids ask about your tattoo, just tell them not to get blackout drunk in college.

Damnatio memoriae, motherfucker.

And if you feel the need to explain where you learned your kindness and courage, your unshakable loyalty to your friends (especially the trans ones), your hope in the face of overwhelming darkness ...

... why, that's your hammer. And it always has been.

[camcat1320]

The Fortune-Teller does not deserve the hate it has received. It's actually a great episode that people misunderstand. Let me explain.

Kataangers love the episode for it says Katara is destined to be with Aang. Zutarians hate the episode for this reason along with forcing Katara into a pigeon hole. I stand between these warring tribes and say that they are both wrong.

To be clear, I am a Zutarian. If we would've had a Book 4 like the head writer had intended, this episode would've been integral for that book.

"But the 3-act story structure!" some may argue. A 3-act story structure is just a 4-act story structure in disguise.

Anyways, let's continue.

The destiny that Aunt Wu foretells does not give names and is vague in nature. She tells Katara that she is to be married to a powerful bender. She didn't say the most powerful nor did she say bender of all four elements. One doesn't have to be the Avatar to be a powerful bender.

Come Aang's fortune, she foretold of a great battle between good and evil that will determine the fate of the world. We immediately think of Aang battling Firelord Ozai to end the 100 year war. However, this fortune is vague and could foretell another battle after Ozai has fallen.

When Aunt Wu learns that Aang wants to learn about his future about love, she cheers him up by giving him a vague, seemingly harmless white lie to satisfy him. "Follow your heart and you will be with the one you love." Since Aang is 12, he can easily misconstrue infatuation for love.

I believe The Fortune-Teller is a giant red herring that many people in both Zutara and Kataang sectors have fallen for. But wait, what is a red herring?

In literature, a red herring is a device to throw the characters and the audience off the scent of future events. It's meant to distract and deceive.

At the end of The Fortune-Teller, Katara believes she is destined to be with Aang and Aang believes it as well. Throughout the remainder of the series, Katara's emotional bond with Aang is challenged. Then by The Ember Island Players, Katara is confused, unsure about her feelings, unsure about her destiny.

What other character struggled with his perception of his destiny?

For the majority of the series, Zuko falsely believed that his destiny was to hunt down the Avatar and regain his honor. We know that this destiny was forced upon him by his father, Ozai.

But as Iroh has said, "Destiny is a funny thing." Iroh had believed he would have been in Ba Sing Se as a conqueror but instead, he had liberated Ba Sing Se from Fire Nation occupation.

Zuko had turned against his father and his supposed destiny and set out to aid the Avatar instead. After this, Zuko's new belief is that it is his destiny to help Aang in defeating Ozai instead. Truly, destiny is funny that way.

But why is this only applied to Zuko? Why isn't this the same message given to Katara's arc? Is she truly destined to be with Aang and she cannot fight against this fate? Is this strong female character destined to be reduced to servitude?

The same girl that inspired imprisoned earthbenders to fight back? The same girl that fought against gender roles in her own culture? The same girl that didn't give into despair and led her crew out of the desert? The same girl that aided in healing a Fire Nation village? The same girl that rose above her mentor and used bloodbending to save her loved ones? The same girl that went toe to toe with Azula and won?

I SAY NAY!

Imagine, if you will, what Katara's continued arc could've been like in Book 4. Katara would've defied the destiny that was forced upon her and determined her destiny for herself. But in the end, destiny is a funny thing for this action only plays into fate. Zuko is a powerful bender after all. 👀

Now, I must depart before I give too many spoilers for my writing. Fare thee well, until we meet again!

[atlasofoverthinking]

The Problem with the League of Villains

this is just me ranting after reading many people say that the lov deserved a better ending (i agree with them don't worry). most of that stuff has already been said but i'm bored and need something to write

so why is everyone disappointed?

by definition, an antagonist is someone that goes against the main character(s) and a villain is someone who does immoral and/or illegal things (wow, shocking)

so by definition, the league of villains is aptly named. shigaraki and dabi are mass murderers, toga is a killer too, and even if the others are 'less dangerous' they're all guilty of terorism and kidnapping a teenager.

not nice, right? then why would anyone would want them to have a good ending?

long story short: horikoshi made the league too sympathetic and relatable

when horikoshi has decided to make them funny, he's decided to make them likeable. that's not enough though. you can find a fictional villain funny and not root for them (for some reason the examples that comes to my mind are the disney villains. captain hook is hilarious but no one wants him to win)

the cause of everyone's disappointment is the relatable part. everyone in the league has gone through stuff viewers can relate. touya, shigaraki and toga have been abused; twice has mental health issues (and stuggling to get a job is relatable too lmao); spinner has been discriminated against... you get the idea

and even without knowing their backstory, most of the league's fights can be considered noble: they want to change society and make the world a better place. to take a more precise example, the league kidnapped bakugou because they thought he had gone through similar struggle as them

(this is mr compress talking in chapter 85) as far as i've seen, most of the fandom either think bakugou being chained and muzzled at the end of the sport festival was just comic relief or agree that it was fucked up

so yeah, you can't put a group of people rejected by society, who just want a better world and expect people to not like them

and that's why their ending is disappointing (the rest contains heavy spoilers of the last few chapters of mha)

they're all either in jail or six feet underground. we rationally could understand it, they're all criminals/villains so of course they wouldn't get a happy ending and face consequences for their actions. the only one who could have gotten away with it is shigaraki because of all the grooming/brainwashing he's gone through and maybe toga because she's a child

but if you relate to a character, you want them to get a happy ending. of course fans would want dabi to be at peace, but instead he's forced to spend his last moments being stared at by his abuser). of course fans would want shigaraki to be free from afo (but instead his only freedom was death). of course fans would want toga to be understood and cared for (but she never had that opportunity)

that's not very 'save to win' out of you horikoshi

maybe it's just a shortcut made by the fandom, but the league are seen more as victims of abuse than actual criminals. i mean, what's more important in dabi's story? the fact that he burned himself alive after overworking himself to get his abusive father's attention, or the fact that he's burned people alive? probably both, but there's more focus on the first element.

and obviously we would want abuse victims to get a happy ending

basically, their ending isn't coherent with what we've seen of them, and that's why people are disappointed

btw, the same logic applies to stain. some fans agree with stain's reasoning bc he's fighting against corruption. of course, his logic is stupid and he's delusional but he's introduced not long after we've discovered shouto's past. you can't say "one of the most popular heroes is abusing + all he wants is to get n°1 to satisfy his own ego" and then follow with "see that guy fighting against corruption? he's bad, don't do that"

the clever way to make sure no one would agree with stain would have been to make the heroes fight against injustice with good methods. i live for the fanfics in which izuku takes down the hpsc

okay i'm done ranting thanks for reading

[wholesalemagnesiumoxide]

The Simslops Afterword

hello everybody! thank you for reading my book. seeing people talk about it has been very gratifying & encouraging.

i was going to write this up essay style, but doing it as a q&a is more fun and still lets me cover everything i wanted to, so let's begin.

q&a

first off, a question from @aminoasinine which i'll address in parts:

I really enjoyed Simslops, and in particular I think the "dwarf fortress event log" style of writing is a great way to showcase the machine/algorithm aspect of it. What software was used for this? Did it have trouble keeping track of so many characters? I noticed the centipedes and other numbered masses were accurately tracked throughout the text, which is something that I know AI tends to struggle with. I'm also curious to know how much of the chapters' 'plot' was laid out in advance by the prompting, and whether any major events were the result of emergent narrative. In particular, the coffin + Maude's Salvation plot towards the end definitely felt like direct intervention on your part, but was the AI reacting to you inserting those things, or were you editing the text around them after the fact?

the simslops is the product of a custom program written in nodejs. the source code is available at the download page if you want to examine it in detail, but the core of the framework is as follows:

there are actors, items, and rooms with names and numerical flags.

there are actions, each defined by their conditions, effects upon the scene, and chance of being selected.

each chapter is defined by its starting conditions and available actions.

each round or tick (whatever you want to call it), a random available action is applied to the scene.

this is repeated until an action ends the scene or there are no more actions left to perform.

each action narrates itself when applied to a scene. for example, the source code for the "pick up an item" action looks like this:

hopefully this is at least semi-intelligible if you don't know javascript. the first parameter defines what the action acts upon: in this case, an actor and an item. the second is the condition: the item must not already be held, and it must not have the pickupAttempted flag. the third is responsible for how the action affects the scene, and the string it returns is how the action is described in the text. when an actor goes to pick something up, if that something is immovable, this is noted. (otherwise every scene devolves into everybody struggling to pick up a couch.) if it's not immovable, the actor picks it up. the first case is described with "actor tries to pick up item, but it's hardly portable." (a reference to the inform 7 default responses) and the second with "actor picks up item." the fourth parameter says to multiply this action's weight by ten if the item in question has a description and has yet to be examined.

each action is defined similarly. a handful use grammars for more varied output, but the majority just have simple fill-in-the-blank sentences. all together there's nearly 6k lines of nodejs to define the whole book. this project started as a test case for this framework, actually. i was outlining a short story and hating it and had a thought: what if i wrote a program to generate an outline for me? then i could have a skeleton to work from and could get to the fun part, the actual writing. out of whimsy i decided to put some simpsons characters in a room and make them fuck. this is a more exhaustive test case than you'd expect. it handles solo actions (moaning) and pair actions (lustful looks & sex.) sex only happens when both participants are horny, which requires setting flags for each actor. kramer's appearance is an action not tied to anything in the scene, and giving birth is an action that creates new actors. a great deal of my motivation here (and in many other things) was "wouldn't it be funny / fucked up if..." but it also did its job of test case pretty well. once i added items, that necessitated inventories; theft & picking up & putting down all require certain types of checks.

it's funny that you mention emergent narrative, because i really think the simslops really became what it was in the telling. early in the process i became enamored with the image of one of the characters descending through text adventure geography, lost and alone. thus came the turn to pathos. i had read "does marge have friends" some time prior, which inspired maude's inclusion and the role she plays. from there i built things out with twin eyes toward thematics and "funny/fucked up". i do find it interesting to what extent all that was emergent from the implementation. it's a framework that tends towards reducing things to mush. a semantic satiation machine.

anyway, i hope this answers your question --- it's not LLM-based, it uses older, more "traditional" procgen techniques. the plot of each chapter is roughly scaffolded by the actions i attach to it. it's really incredibly authored; it's difficult for this framework to surprise me except by juxtaposition. under this framework it's also pretty trivial to track any number of actors. so, to answer this question from @zedogica:

how much of simslops was embellished from the original generated text? a few moments stood out to me

none of it. you can download the source and get your own personal simslops. the only human embellishment was done during development. in an ideal world, this would live on a server somewhere and everyone could download a unique generation. unfortunately, i don't have the knowhow for that kind of thing. (my understanding is that you need to do a lot when writing server-side code to make sure you don't expose a million security vulnerabilities.) i've contented myself with doing what i can client-side: releasing the source code & setting up the download button to give you one of five pre-generated outputs.

returning to aminoasinine's question:

I also really like the difference in language used during the Deviltongue chapters. It's interesting to see what changes when the tone is explicitly defined as 'horror' or 'scary', and how that seemingly translates to those bizarre compound words like tribulationmalice and torturefrenzy. I think it's my favorite chapter(s) in general because of how it takes a much different tone and hammers it into the same monotonous nothing as the other chapters despite its more 'active' and ostensibly 'less boring' setting than your standard centipede sex house. everything shakes and moans and howls with blood-malice, lymph and spines standing on end, over and over until it doesn't mean anything anymore. everyone and everything is trembling in fear of a grim finality bearing down that never actually comes, because nothing ever ends. It's the same nothing-emotion as all the unbearable passionate lust in the sex scenes, an emotional signifier that signifies absolutely nothing.

thank you! the strange compounds are a product of the aforementioned grammars, as are the shaking and moaning and howling. writing the dungeon & horror chapters made me realize i really like broad, dumb pastiches. there's something very satisfying about taking cliches and mangling them.

Anyway, the choice to have 'pet the dog' in every scene did not go unnoticed, I think the last three lines are my favorite part, and finally, I think every book from now on should open with a horoscope chart made from out of context quotes. Thank you for making this, I will be watching your neocities with great interest :)

thank you for reading it! two fun facts about the horoscopes:

each entry's text is taken from a random item description.

the dates are wrong, each offset by a day. due to my strong personal convictions i wished to stress that this novella in no way endorses the practice of astrology.

an anonymous question:

So Marge crying during the video game sequence show the reduction of feelings into simple fun, even though the human experiencing the games in question might feel other emotions when playing them. But what do the horror sections represent? I got the gist of most parts, but as I don’t engage with horror medium often I feel like the commentary is lost on me. What were you trying to say with the horror sections, in other words?

first: one of the major benefits of the framework i used here is that it's very good at creating unintended juxtapositions. the only prerequisite for weeping is if the actor in question is holding part of a corpse, but depending on the context, it can take on a number of different connotations.

second:

a lot of usamerican horror films (particularly aliens and predator) are sublimations of the anxieties surrounding the vietnam war. both are about big grizzled soldier guys getting picked off by an unseen yet omnipresent foe who can strike from anywhere. hell, one of them is even set in a jungle. slender: the eight pages, being a game about the Scary Getter following you around in a forest, feels of a type with these.

seymour skinner was a us soldier in the vietnam war.

in that vein, another anonymous question:

also I understand almost all of the references in the chicken’s names but how does sylvester stallone figure into colonialism?

one of sylvester stallone's two big roles is the rambo series, where he's a heroic us soldier rescuing prisoners of war in vietnam, repelling the soviets in afghanistan, or performing other jingoistic acts of horrendous violence. the other is rocky where he plays a white boxer (the "italian stallion") who's built up as a contender to the current reigning champion, Black boxer apollo creed. he's of a type with the other americana culture slop included, i think.

another question from aminoasinine:

Damn, I thought of another question right after I sent that long-ass ask. What was the thought process behind making The Bart such a minor part of the story? Is it out of a desire (or the AI's internal rules) not to have a child present in the gore/sex chapters, or is it more about how Bart as a character seems almost /more/ of a product or symbol than any of the other characters? Like, he can't really mingle with the other 'people' in this setting, because he is something beyond, having transcended any semblance of characterhood to become ONLY product? Is this the end state of every simslop, to eventually be reduced to a series of identical stimuli on a conveyor belt of endless content?

i settled on the cast of characters pretty early. homer and marge are obvious. ned is also pretty obvious. maude is the emotional core. "kramer bursts in" is a pretty common meme. and i had steamed hams edits on the brain, so seymour gets to come, too. i scaffolded out my story with a focus on these six and whatever pathos & resonance i could wring out of them.

i don't think i had any plans to include bart until i came up with that pun. "the work of bart in the age of mechanical reproduction." that + the factory itself is a very good illustration of the funny/fucked up philosophy & dichotomy. (i think i also had the bart doll from the trash meteor episode of futurama in mind.)

anyway, to answer your actual question: yeah, i didn't want to put bart in the main story because i didn't want to put a child in the mix, and he didn't fit in the outline i had drawn up. i think the intermissions pretty accurately capture the pathos of bart & milhouse, though. the funko pop scamp and the perpetual punching-bag.

this next question is from @where-your-eyes-dont-go:

I'm curious about the reason for "_ pets the dog" being such a frequent refrain in so many sections. I could read it a few ways— it's an action that's often used to humanize characters, and it occasionally does seem to give the characters more apparent personhood, the action almost automatically being interpreted by the reader as affection showcasing an internal life—but its repetition seems to force the reader to instead view it as just another merely automatic process. It also could be a bit of commentary on the common claim that a "pet the dog" button in video games automatically makes such games better. I'd love to know more about your thought process here.

early in the development process, i added "actor votes blue." as an inane flavor action. rqd suggested they pet the dog, and i thought it was brilliant. "can you pet the dog" is exactly the kind of empty posturing i want to satirize. i thought it would be best if the dog is never simulated otherwise. just as petting the dog is an empty gesture in games, in the simslops the dog only exists "in flavor", not mechanically. there is no dog actor or dog affection flag, it's just implied there's a dog around for each scene. the suggestion of something cozy and wholesome and cute happening without any actual substance. (and bob was there, too.)

(a friend had to dissuade me from adding "actor realizes why they're called Kojima games" as another flavor action.)

this anonymous question befuddled me a bit:

have you read Marge Simpson Anime?

"marge simpson anime... what in the world is marge simpson anime?" and then i looked it up and found a tumblr blog with a bunch of drawings of marge and went "oh yeah! marge simpson anime!" i haven't read it, but i've definitely seen it around, and i'm definitely at least in conversation with it.

(on the subject of things i'm in conversation with, i realized recently that i absolutely should have put too many cooks and the simpsons au where homer is in pain in the further reading section.)

a question from @theoretically-questionable:

I'm curious as to why the choices of both explicit sexual acts and disregard for consistent anatomy within said acts were made for Simslops; was it simply a transgression, influenced by the (surprising) amount of actual simpsons porn, or something else?

this one also befuddled me. my original intent had been to generate oddball descriptions of a consistent set of genitals, but, like. on further reflection, that super isn't borne out by the text. i think my mental image of things changed when i added the "adverbly-verbing" snowclone to the sex grammar. (score one for emergent narrative.) my initial motivation was that i think over-the-top, too-mechanical-to-be-erotic sex is a fun thing to write a generator for, and i find kramer and homer doing obscene things to each other amusing. the end result is a lot more mastaba snoopy in a way i really like.

here's a question from @txttletale:

why the simpsons? as opposed to, for example, family guy

i've had to think for a while on this. my instinctive response is "it was essentially random, an act of whimsy," but that's not a very good answer. surely something drew me to the simpsons, even if it was subconscious. let's try and peel it back a layer. my next theory has to do with pathos. it is very difficult to wring anything remotely poignant out of peter griffin. you put peter griffin in a scary cave and he goes "this reminds me of the time i was in the descent" and we get some inane cutaway gag. i can't imagine lois expressing anything more sincere than a scott the woz video. there's an obvious pathos to meg, the constant butt of the joke; treating her with any degree of seriousness gets you pathos in spades. similarly, that comic where chris griffin and bart simpson go to couples therapy is genuinely affecting. there's something there, but it's a very different something from what the simslops ended up being. (for one, i wouldn't feel comfortable doing all the centipede sex stuff if my principal characters are kids.) there's a similar issue with trying this with south park (which was also something i don't have much familiarity with). while the fandom has bafflingly devoted a great deal of time and energy to the emotional struggles of those little weirdos, i don't really see much potential there.

on the other end, we have futurama, a show with perhaps too much emotional weight to go in the blender in the same way. like, there are the episodes with fry's dog and fry's brother and leela's parents. similarly, bob's burgers and bojack horseman (and i'm sure many other shows) draw their characters too realistically. the simpsons hits a sweet spot. its characters are cartoon-enough, commodified-enough, and emotional-enough. they're in the goldilocks zone along all these axes.

in the simpsons movie, there's a bit where bart and ned go fishing. bart messes up somehow, ned goes to assist, and bart flinches away, expecting to be strangled. what was once a comedy routine, a subversion of the "father-knows-best" sitcom family, is treated with real emotional weight.

how did they ever come back from that? by the end of the film homer had redeemed himself as a person and as a father. it was the emotional climax of the movie or whatever. roll credits. there were a million billion more seasons and despite the increasing age of the voice cast, more simpsons are extruded every day. why bother? the rotten heart was laid bare nearly two decades ago.

finally, a question from @fattyopossum:

have you seen any interpretations of it youd consider like. unexpected, in either a good ro bad way? any takes on it now that its been out that youw erent expecting people to get or new interpretations people brought to it that really resonated with you

a lot of the thematic weight of the simslops feels post-hoc to me, like a new interpretation that wasn't there when i wrote it. again, it really became what it was in the telling; technical decisions lead to thematic weight. all characters who have sex have the same genitalia. i decided this because it made writing the sex grammar easier. however, it's also a huge thematic boon. casting marge and maude as transfem makes maude's abjection and their love for eachother much more impactful. it's really easy for me to get chicken-or-the-egg about it. which came first, the High Artistry or the Funny/Fucked Up?

(the real answer, of course, is that it doesn't matter. the text exits anyway and i must shepherd it as it exists, not as i intended it. ego death of the author.)

as for other people's interpretations: i'm quite pleased about the reasoning that anon expressed earlier for why marge was crying while platforming. i was also happy to hear a friend's read that kramer had finally found peace in the meadows, that she's with the girls and relaxing and having snacks. it's not really borne out by the text, but it's such a comforting thought, right? maybe if we imagine kramer happy, she will be.

trivia

the first commit hit my git repo in september 2024, and the simslops released march 2025. all in all it took about six months of on-and-off work.

the name "deviltongue" comes from a character i played in a game of neptune's pride. he ended up getting betrayed and dying badly. so it goes. (on a similar note: as a kid, i thought his name actually was "slideshow bob".)

originally, the sundervalley chapters were going to feature more of the classic cozy small farmer simulator tropes. homer was gonna go fishing and chat up the town's eligible bachelors: crow, tom, and cam. it would've distracted too much from the real core of the chapter, though, so it never got implemented.

my original design for the cover looked like this:

i'm still not sure i made the right decision switching to the final composition. i like the oddness of eyes on the hair in that version, but the lines over the hair in the this version remind me of one of the ways you see dicks censored in hentai, which feels thematically appropriate.

on that subject, this texture:

is a heavily mangled collage of a bunch of ai generated images, each of which was created by using the name of a simpsons' character as both prompt and negative prompt. it shows up in the download buttons and (in heavily desaturated form) on the final version of the cover.

the blurbs were slightly modified grammar output. i was pretty fried the day of release & wasn't able to think of anything, so rqd suggested i use a relevant wikipedia extract and use a grammar for the blurbs. i think it turned out pretty well.

there are six secret characters in the simslops. have you found them?

future work

i think i've taken this framework as far as it will go. the system of numerical flags got bent when i stored the farm workers' country of origin as text. the more linear plotted segments required a set of flags trading off each other, which is fiddly to coordinate. generally, everything is very siloed off. the clearest example of this is in the grammars for generating the various bits of procedural text. they're fun to write, and i'm always delighted by the results, but there's a lot of duplication of effort in my current approach. each chapter that uses procedural text has its own grammar with its own set of words and phrases. this is basically fine in this case, but it's not something i want to deal with for future projects. writing grammars is fun, like building a shipyard in a bottle, but it gets mind-numbing after a while. you can only come up with synonyms for laugh so many times, yknow?

my dream is a single massive grammar all output text runs through. since my grammar system can handle conjugating verbs and adding a/an in front of words, integrating all text output with that system would simplify all sorts of things. then i could have big lists of words to query for relevant adjectives or nouns with specific associations, procedural sentence structures, referents that know what adjectives apply to them...

it's really easy to get feature crept in this sphere. we'll see how much of this i'll be able to implement. i don't think all that is necessary to make the simslops framework useful, really. the only thing it urgently needs is some kind of event emitting & handling system. currently all the little special cases have to be implemented specifically. for example, there's a check in the "drop item" action for if the item in question is fragile. if it is, it breaks. if the item is also smoky, we get the "orange smoke pours out" effect. it'd be a lot cleaner (and make me a lot happier) if i could just say "when a smoky object breaks, emit orange smoke" and similar things.

thank you to everyone who read the simslops, and an extra thank you to everyone who asked me questions. now it's time to go back to work on the next issue. it's going to be a very different beast. i hope you enjoy it.

[yannisdesk]

Caitlyn Kiramman - Name Symbolism

Looking at characters' names in anything is something I enjoy, and Arcane is no exception. Thought I would start with Caitlyn, because she has both the easiest and most complicated name depending on how you look at things.

I have no idea how League of Legends names their characters. I've only played a handful of times in the past, but I do know a fair bit of the lore. I'm looking at how they are in Arcane, and just gaging it from there because there wasn't much crossover until the recent season.

Caitlyn's first name comes the name Katherine which is derived from the Greek name Aikaterine; in modern Greek it's usually Romanized as Aikaterini or Ekterini. The roots and meaning of this name is actually a giant puzzle and it has several potential meanings, all of which can apply to Caitlyn.

1 - "Each of two."

Caitlyn is consistently a part of a duo throughout the series. Sibling duo with Jayce. Mentor and mentee with Grayson. Mystery solving duo + girlfriend of Vi. Mirrored with her enemy in Jinx, who's also her greatest foil. Master-apprentice with Ambessa. Combat duo with Mel.

2 - A reference to the Greek goddess Hecate.

Hecate was the goddess of magic, witchcraft, crossroads, ghosts, necromancy. She was also associated with night and the moon, as well as the Underworld. On the surface, Caitlyn has nothing to draw from here, she's one of the characters least-associated with Hextech and the arcane, but thinking for a moment, there's some things to connect.

For one, crossroads. Hecate was a triple-goddess, and was frequently depicted as having three different aspects of her body that were all attached to each other, meaning she could look down all different paths of a crossroad at once.

Caitlyn literally goes through three different stages throughout the show, from naive and compassionate, ruthless and violent, and then repentant and sober (in terms of bloodlust).

The next is ghosts. Not only is Caitlyn metaphorically haunted by the ghost of her mother, and of the phantom-like Jinx, butalso the legacy of House Kiramman looms over her. On the flip side, we see the memory of Caitlyn haunt Vi during her pit-fighter era to the point of appearing in hallucinations.

Lastly, the Underworld. What's the nickname for Zaun? The Undercity. Hecate was considered one of the Greek deities that was able to move between the Underworld (the land of the dead) and the land of the living with ease. Most people from Piltover never set foot in the Undercity, but Caitlyn does so several times, even going to deepest and most hopeless areas where no topsider had previously been.

Interestingly, she's guided through by Vi, who takes her through the milder areas like Jericho's and the main areas of the Lanes, the salacious ones like the brothel, and the pit of the tents where the completely forgotten live and - hold on, wait a minute... incoming tangent: call this a reach, but were the writers going for a Dante's Inferno type of reference, where Caitlyn is a stand-in for Dante and Vi is Virgil? Because now that has entered my head and I'm convinced it's true, I mean, I could see Vi writing the Aeneid. Caitlyn and Vi's excursions through the Undercity in S1 Act 2 now seem like such an obvious nod to Inferno that I find it kind of funny I didn't notice it on my first couple of watches.

This also means that come the end of season 2 act 2 Vi goes from being Caitlyn's Virgil, to being her Beatrice, which is kind of whimsically romantic.

Minor note, but Hecate's also associated with and sometimes depicted as a black dog. Caitlyn's girlfriend is Vi, daughter of a man nicknamed the Hound of the Underground, and her pit-fighter logo is two black hellhounds (Hecate's type of dogs). This was for several reasons, including dogs being considered protectors, a character trait both her and Vi have.

3 - "Torture"

...let's not forget...

...and the entirety of the "Paint the Town Blue" segment. Which, while is obviously about Jinx, also applies to Caitlyn. Her hair is dark blue, her eyes are sapphire. The Kiramman's in general are associated with the color blue. Zaun and Piltover are both being "painted blue" by two different people.

4 - "My consecration of your name"

Kind of reach-y but, I think Vi nicknaming her "Cupcake" and having specific times where she calls her "Caitlyn" or "Cait" (usually serious) and others where she calls her "Cupcake" (typically playful) applies here. She also calls Vi her full name at a very specific time, showing how close they've grown. This could also be to how she views her last name, Kiramman, as it and the legacy are treated as something sacred and of utmost importance.

5 - "Pure"

Season 1 Caitlyn was rather pure in that good-intentions way. She really never did anything with malicious intent until season 2, where we see her at her worst, and even then some of that previous "pure" Caitlyn is shown to be just bubbling underneath the surface, like in that scene where she asks Ambessa why violence is always justified in the name of peace.

Kiramman

Honestly, only Amanda Overton can answer for this. She gave Caitlyn a surname, but Kiramman as far as I was able to read, doesn't actually exist. "Kira" could mean several things including "young" or "humiliator of enemy" in Old Persian, or "lord" in Ancient Greek, or "black" in Old Irish, but I'm not sure if any of those were potential inspirations for the Kiramman name or not.

UPDATE: Because in the surname Kiramman, -man is the suffix that would make "Kiram-" the prefix. @sablesupergirl informed me that "Kiram" is an Arabic Muslim name that means "noble" and "generous." It's not to be confused with "Karim," which yes means "generous" and "noble" but also "honorable" and one of the 99 titles for G-d is Islam, "al-Karim" meaning "the generous one."

The Kirammans are clearly a noble house in the literal sense, that they are upper-class and one of the ruling families over Piltover, making them a sort of nobility. They're also slightly more generous than other houses, as Cassandra's the one who designed and implemented the air ventilation system for Zaun to get rid of the Grey, so, it's a very fitting name for the Kiramman family indeed.

I know what some of you are thinking: Caitlyn clearly has East Asian features, and people tend to not associate East Asian-looking people with Islam, but that's actually more common than you think. Plenty of people from Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan, Chinese Uyghurs, etc... are Muslim and have very similar features to Caitlyn. It could also be due to Arcane being a work of fantasy and fiction, and therefore Amanda just could've thought the meaning of "Kiram" fit Caitlyn's family and decided to create their surname around it.

That's all I've got for Caitlyn. Either Vi or Jinx will be next.

[the-way-astray]

okay wait if you don’t mind me asking why don’t you like incorrect quotes?

anon, i swear this was not meant to be this long

my reasons are 100% subjective. over the years, i've dabbled in several different fandoms. and i find that the same incorrect quote format is used to describe relationships between characters in different series that i find to not be alike at all. for example, i've seen multiple of the same incorrect quote formats used for both percabeth and sokeefe, when i don't find the relationships to be that similar to one another at all. it's just that people see one dimension of sophie and annabeth (let's say smart) and one dimension of percy and keefe (let's say funny) and then the entire incorrect quote becomes about that. i find sokeefe and percabeth to be two entirely different relationships with few things in common (which i've talked about), but the incorrect quotes flatten them to those qualities only and i don't like that.

the sokeefe-percabeth thing is just an example, by the way, one i picked because i feel most people i'm talking to would understand it, but i've also seen the same incorrect quote formats used to describe relationships like jurdan or kanej . . . and if you've read tfota or soc you know how drastically dissimilar jurdan or kanej are to either sokeefe or percabeth (and each other). and i find that these indirect comparisons drawn between relationships like this flattens certain characters quite a bit. this is how we get stuff like "sokeefe is basically kotlc percabeth" and stuff like that.

then, once a character has been given a "role" (i use the term loosely) they have to occupy all the aspects that come with that "role". so then they're only allowed to be that "role" in the incorrect quote, even if the quote requires them to say/do things they would never say/do, because they've been slated into that role based on that one aspect. take this quote for example:

keefe has been slated into the role of "one that has a crush on sophie" for the purposes of this particular quote. but keefe doesn't ramble like this. he doesn't like his dad and would never discuss a crush on sophie with him (but this one i'm not that mad about since you could as easily change cassius to ro or something). he doesn't use exaggerated metaphors to describe things and he doesn't speak in purple prose. he does a pretty good job hiding his crush and would never inadvertently reveal it like this. do you see what i mean? because of the fact that the format requires him to be "one with a crush on sophie", he now has to fulfill all the other aspects the format requires, even though they don't apply to him. and it no longer feels like keefe. it flattens him down to this one aspect.

i feel like this flattening aspect of incorrect quotes does have a (very small, sort of indirect) effect on the way characters are perceived in fanon. and i don't like it? it's very weird to me. so i prefer to stay away from it. (best examples i can think of are cardan and kaz, who are both morally gray, but lots of incorrect quotes portray them as hopelessly in love with their love interests or malewives, and while that's true, them being slated into that role for the purpose of the incorrect quote often makes them out to be the kind that would doodle hearts around names in notebooks or blush or be in that sort of cutesy-teenager-with-a-crush kind of romance. and . . . uh . . . yeah, they love jude and inej, but that's like. not at all what either relationship is like. it's just not.)

also some incorrect quotes are so desperate to slate characters into certain "roles", as i call them, that they forsake crucial aspects of the character in the process, or actively make them do/say things that go against something that is a core aspect of that character. and i don't like the way the quote is willing to misinterpret something so crucial to the character for the sake of the incorrect quote exemplifying something much less important like "the funny one" or "the one with a crush on ___".

incorrect quotes also have a tendency to portray what a character actually wants to do, rather than how they would realistically behave, given the circumstances. take this quote (and ignore the weird anti-sophitz-ness for the moment, i'm trying to make a point):

in canon, it's kind of a point that sophie "isn't aware" of her crush on keefe, so to speak. she knows she has a crush on fitz. she may subconsciously want to kiss keefe, but remember, she thinks she likes fitz. so this incorrect quote just frustrates me because that's not what sophie would do!!!!!!! she would kiss fitz. actually, she would get all nervous and blushy and try to worm her way out of it. and if this is a post-stellarlune quote, and she knows she likes keefe, she wouldn't address fitz directly like that??? she would trying so hard not to look at fitz because omg omg omg i have to kiss my new boyfriend in front of my old boyfriend who appears to still not be over me. like the quote requires you to change fundamental aspects of sophie's personality/behavior to buy it. my analysis brain can't handle that. my problem is that i can't enjoy the quote for the quote, because my brain is always instead picking apart how un-character the incorrect quote feels.

having said all of that, i fully understand that anyone who likes incorrect quotes or engages with them frequently knows all this. i don't think you all are stupid. obviously keefe would never say something like that first example i showed in canon. that's understood! the point is to make fun of his crush on sophie. i get it. it's all in good fun. i just prefer not to engage with incorrect quotes because the flattening aspect makes me personally want to scream that the character would never do or say that, because at this point the character doesn't even feel like the character, so what even is the point of the quote anymore??? and then i get stuck in a loop.

and like i said in my original tags, i would never want to completely get rid of incorrect quotes. they're easy to make, fun, easily digestable, and in general sort of a safe way to get started in fandoms. they're the safety net of fandoms, and i think they really are crucial for smaller/more obscure fandoms where nobody wants to do hardcore analysis stuff but people still want to talk about their favorite media. so i think, for the purposes they fulfill, they're alright.

[cultkinkcoven]

I saw someone make a post a little bit ago about kids leaving fandom spaces and entering into religious/ devotional spaces with the same attitudes. The kids who think you can disrespect a God like Zeus because he’s problematic in some of his myths. I couldn’t agree more.

and i got to talking to Lucifer about it because I was chatting with someone who came from the Hazbin Hotel fandom (I’ve only ever seen the pilot). Lol

They were talking about giving Lucifer ducks and I was like ??? ducks? does Lucifer have a thing with ducks??? I had no idea???? Which grimoire does that come from ?

And then I go to try and research it and I’m like oh? lmfao okay. Not my Lucifer.

When I asked him, his attitude was very 🤷‍♂️

he said something along the lines of:

“whenever a person makes an attempt to contact a deity for the first time, always, their expectations and understandings are projected onto the spirit. This applies to you too. I appear to you in the way that makes the most sense to your brain and senses. But through this form, I still communicate the truth to you. I appear to you as an older man, older and wiser than you, because that’s how your brain rationalizes my ancient nature. My eyes are the color of the hottest shade of fire because that’s how your brain understands my energy. My hair is an inky black void or blonde strands of light. A morning or evening star. My voice is gentle, my hands are delicate because I embrace you tenderly. You think my light is beautiful, so I appear to you as a beautiful man. I appear to you as a planet because that’s how your brain rationalizes how much larger I am than you.

The funny thing about these people, usually children, is that there’s very little room for me to shine through because that “Lucifer” is a very large character. He’s zainy, he’s entertaining, of course. He’s a cartoon character. They aren’t interested in me or my gnosis, they’re interested in that character. Which is fine, it doesn’t bother me. I like when my name is used in art. Better to have my name said than forgotten. It happens often. Recently, they made a tv show under my name, so those people expected me to be British and cocky. They put Lord Paimon in a horror movie. He had edgy teens contacting him for months.

(he seemed to find that very funny)

Those who are genuinely willing and ready to walk the path will find us regardless of what face or appearance we use or how we are introduced. Most of these people are not occultists. They don’t wish to do the Great Work or know me as a God, so they don’t. In these cases, these people are irrelevant to me.”

so you’re okay with oblivious kids offering you ducks to invoke a cartoon character?

He found that funny too.

“Lucifer has been so many things in so many stories. Some of these portrayals are closer or further from the truth, but they are all caricatures. None of them are truly me. I may use a form that is familiar to someone who is contacting me for the first time. Maybe I’ll be the Lucifer from Hazbin Hotel to make them feel more comfortable. But when the practitioner wishes to know me, the “character” is shed in favour of a truer connection. When we first met I came to you as a light, as an enchanted garden, a serpent, a crow. You did not seek me as a character, you sought me as a concept, Enlightenment. I could take any form, either beautiful or terrible, and you would accept me. You would find value in it. I am not your favourite character, I am your favourite God. These so called “oblivious kids” aren’t offering me anything. They don’t know me, so their actions do not mean anything to me, neither positive or negative. I will always be happy to see people engaging with art, being inspired and understood by it. My name being used in media only presents more opportunities for more people to find me. If people feel drawn to that character, then that is good… that’s fine. But you know that I am so much more than just a character.”

you don’t find it disrespectful at all?

He laughed at that as well.

“I must be among the most disrespected spirits to have ever had his name known by man. I’ve had my name cursed and banished, I’ve been hated, cast away, bastardized and demonized. These people, just enjoying their characters and media, are the very least of my concerns.”

Fair enough.

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

I can (and will!) talk at length about all the issues with Yasmine & Demetri as a romantic/sexual dynamic, but one of the biggest underlying problems is that it fundamentally misunderstands why women are attracted to intelligent men.

I'm putting this under a Read More so it doesn't eat peoples' dash, but I HIGHLY encourage all my followers to read it, even if y'all are just here for the funny memes and Gay Shit. As a woman, I think the show AND fandom's questionable treatment of Yasmine as a character and how it makes me and other irl women feel incredibly uncomfortable and objectified is important to talk about. Way, WAY too many people are okay with how the Yasmine-Demetri relationship was portrayed, and knowing people are that chill with a female character being turned into a man's accessory makes me feel, um. Unsafe at best. Read on if you love women and drink your Respect Women juice!

Anyways, I feel I have some room to speak on why women like Demetri-esque guys. Although I eventually realized I'm a lesbian, I identified as bisexual for a long time. Before that, in high school, I didn't even realize I liked girls at all. Ironically, I used to be into boys a lot like Demetri. I tended to pursue the smart, sarcastic, gangly nerd types, sometimes to my own detriment! I once liked a whole ass physics major who could easily solve equations that would send me into a stress coma on sight. I dated a premed in college, and for much of that relationship, I was wracked with insecurity that I would only ever be known as that person's girlfriend, with no significant renown or accomplishments to my own name. I pined after lots of guys I perceived as smarter than me, and constantly felt unworthy of them because I didn't think my own intellect measured up. Especially as someone who's never been attracted to "traditional" masculinity (so himbo types and muscles do nothing for me, lmao), I know the draw of sharp, witty guys who keep you on your toes and have interesting and often unique stuff going on in their brains.

From what I've observed, there's two main reasons why (non-lesbian) women crush on this kind of dude. The first is they make fun, engaging conversationalists, and can have complex and thought-provoking discussions with you. If you spend a lot of time in your head, pondering the world around you, it's nice to find someone who also thinks deeply about similar things and can explore those cognitive threads with you. It makes you feel seen and understood, and it's stimulating! Sometimes the other person can introduce you to new ideas that take you in new directions, too, so it's the dynamic that keeps on giving. This was always my own draw toward smart men, personally.

The other reason is more pragmatic. Smart men (especially coding CS/robotics type guys like Demetri) are more likely to get secure, 6-figure jobs. When you consider the widening wage gap between men and women as well as how difficult misogyny can make it for women to get into high-paying fields like technology, robotics, and other hard sciences, dating or marrying a guy making 100k can be a woman's ticket out of poverty. Or at the very least a financial improvement. With the wealth gap increasing in the USA and many other parts of the world, dating "up" to try and gain a bit more financial security is...well, I don't want to make ethics judgments on it (condemning gold-digging??? In THIS economy???), but it IS understandable.

All this to say that neither of these aspects apply to Yasmine and Demetri's relationship in the least.

Yasmine and Demetri don't have enough common interests to have ANY kind of stimulating conversation, and the ones we see certainly do not read that way for either, lmao. They have little shared ground aside from being kind of sassy and mean and having suffered wedgies at some point. There's a bit of banter in Season 3, but it's not particularly witty or deep. It's largely just...fairly surface-level meanness and easy digs. Yasmine makes a jab about not wanting to talk to Demetri regularly, and he makes a jab about her decreasing popularity and a poor taste sex joke. Yasmine tells him his cast smells and calls him a defective freak and a pain in her tits. Demetri calls her Cruella DeVil. It's amusing and maybe even a little endearing, but that's primarily because it has the potential to grow into something deeper and more fun as these two get to know each other better.

And then it stops completely. No more banter whatsoever after Season 3. Every interaction Demetri and Yasmine have in Season 4 and Season 6 is just Yasmine being a sickly sweet, giggly, horny cheerleader for Demetri, revolving her entire person around his likes and interests while making no mention of her own. For fuck's sake, the only times she gets upset with him is when, *gasp*, he's not believing in himself enough! Or when he cheated, obviously, but even that was easily resolved by gift-bombing her with Stereotypical Woman Things until she was back to being inexplicably insane with lust.

Also worth a mention that the show makes a point about how Demetri is a lot academically smarter than Yasmine, so Yas likely wouldn't be capable of having a conversation he considered stimulating or interesting anyways. I don't care how much Demetri lies his ass off about how Totally Into Conventionally Hot Girls he is--he mostly doesn't seem to give a fuck about them except when not responding to their interest in him would make him look weird to his peers.

I also do not believe for a second that Demetri would ever actually want a partner not on his level of (traditional academic) intelligence. We see him act snide and condescending toward people he views as dumber than him--Chris when he first joins Miyagi Do, and Johnny on a few occasions throughout the show. He consistently treats his closest friends (namely Eli, Miguel, and Sam) as intellectual equals, but I don't think he really sees Yasmine that way. Ironically, he treats Moon, the crystal healing chakra granola girl, with more respect and dignity than his own girlfriend!

Unsurprisingly, the only person Demetri seems to view as truly on his level of intelligence is Eli. We learned all the way back in Season 2 that they won a coding competition together, showing they're both very smart and capable in a conventional and easy-to-recognize way (which seems to be the type of intelligence Demetri values above all other types). He doesn't think twice about them going to MIT together because he assumes they'll both get in. They make a fucking karate fight VR together and then squabble about the technical details in a way Demetri physically couldn't squabble (or even TALK) like that with anyone else. Demetri praises Eli's design abilities and gloats about how the physics "checks out" on his sparring deck. Demetri rambles to Eli about his Terry Silver internet deep dive, and Eli nods along like he actually follows what Demetri is saying. And Demetri, presumably, volunteers it in the first place and doesn't mince tech jargon because he also assumes Eli will understand. When Demetri chews Eli out for not applying to MIT, he angrily accuses him of "turning into a moron"--a thing that, from Demetri's POV, seems just about the worst possible thing someone can be.

Nothing we see of S1-S3 Yasmine indicates she has any reason whatsoever to find the things Demetri talks about, or his CS and robotics interests, appealing. Yasmine either actively doesn't care for academics or she struggles with them, viewing them with dismissive contempt because they make her feel inadequate.

Recall how back in S1, she reacts with scorn and disgust when Sam and Aisha are making chemistry jokes. But there's more than just disdain for the uncool "nerds" there--Yasmine also looks uncomfortable and embarrassed. In a sense, the sodium chloride thing IS an "in joke" between the book smart Sam and Aisha. Yasmine feels excluded, outed as someone not "in the know" because she doesn't quite get the reference. It puts up a barrier (dare I say...a gate, even? That Sam and Aisha can keep? Lol) between Yasmine and her peers, one of whom is her friend, and makes it harder for her to relate to and interact with them. No coincidence, imo, that Yasmine gets more malicious in her bullying toward Aisha after this, i.e. more direct fat jokes and the "cheeto pig" thing. It's jealousy and insecurity that Sam and Aisha have this commonality and more "sophisticated" interest that Yasmine can't be included in.

And then there's Season 3, where Yasmine is pleasantly surprised that with Demetri's assistance, her parents "won't have to pay for her A this time." We can gather from this that either a) Yasmine sees herself as "above" the banality of schoolwork, and finds it easier just to make doe eyes at her parents until they bribe her teachers or b) Yasmine genuinely struggles with academics but doesn't deem it "worthy" of putting in the work to actually get better, so she takes the easy way out with money. She might have some insecurity around not being great in school, as shown by the S1 sodium chloride scene and her genuine disappointment when her and Demetri's science project is ruined. Maybe she was planning on using Demetri's success to show off to her parents that "look! I CAN do my own work without your help!" Maybe she enjoys being seen as a competent student, and worries losing her fake good grades would make her look stupid and inept. This could knock her even lower down the social food chain, further isolating her and opening her up to ostracization from her peers. All things being equal, though, we don't have much reason to believe Yasmine cares much about school in of itself. It's a means to an end for her--just one more thing that affects her reputation, and where school performance can improve or detract from it.

In any case, it's clear Yasmine does not VALUE academics, hard work, and dedication the same way Demetri does. Demetri makes a BIG deal about how much he busted his ass to get into MIT and "earned his spot," while Yasmine only enjoys the image of academic success and having As and the way it makes her look good, while not giving a shit about what it actually represents.

Cut to S4 and S6, where Yasmine is now, completely out of left field, highly invested in and enthusiastic about Demetri's interests. Between snubbing him in the hallway last time we saw her to maybe a couple months later at max, she has become seemingly enraptured with all things Demetri. She loves when he talks nerdy! She is incredibly stoked about supporting him at his karate tournaments, and even chews him out when he doesn't have enough faith in himself! She ditched her dad's wedding halfway around the world because he's more important! She makes her junior prom dress a nerdy movie reference to Jessica Rabbit! All the while making, of course, naught a peep about her own interests, goals, passions, etc. At first glance, it looks like Demetri's been exceptionally lucky to find a hot girl who is somehow equally as gung ho about all the same things as him, and it coincidentally only came out after she started dating a nerd that she happens to share all his passions. Except...Yasmine does not have any discernible reason to like any of Demetri's interests.

"But tumblr user demetriandelibinaryboyfriends!" you say. "A few weeks have passed in TV show time! Is it not possible that Yasmine engaged with and grew invested in Demetri's nerd shit and karate offscreen?" Theoretically possible, yes, but due to all the S1 and S3 actual onscreen canon scenes we get of Yasmine, it's incredibly illogical and unlikely. I'd be more forgiving of this ship if Yasmine was in any way set up as a closet nerd, or secretly intrigued by the karate she loved scorning in S1 (and flat out ignoring in S3, and basically S5, too).

As established in the S1 pre-halloween dance cafeteria scene I mentioned, Yasmine has no love for academic nerdiness. References to school shit she doesn't understand appear to make her feel uncomfortable and alienated. In S3, Yasmine only enjoys Demetri's nerdiness insofar as it can help her get a good grade. We're given no reason to believe she would like his smarts beyond that. Hell, even when we see them first making out, it's after we've seen them bond over their experience as bullying victims, not because Demetri suddenly changed Yasmine's mind about how interesting math and coding and dinosaurs are! Yasmine isn't shown to be into pop culture type nerdiness, either, with not a single "geeky" reference to her name. (Besides Jessica Rabbit, I guess, but even that might well have been a thing she was doing FOR Demetri rather than herself. Hell, she's never shown ANY particular interest in movies, and reads much more like a music girlie, if the pop music playing when she crashed her car, the little boombox we see in her bedroom, and the S1 concert she goes to with Moon are anything to go by.) Her sense of humor is more dry and dark, too, like the S1 snide remarks she makes about her and the girls being "chained up in that meth-head's basement" if she hadn't driven away from Johnny. Or her blase scheme to "torture" Anthony.

As for karate, Yasmine actively sticks her nose up at it in S1. She essentially straight up tells Aisha that she and her "karate gang" will always be freak outcasts. In S3 and S5, Yasmine makes no mention of karate that I can recall, and doesn't even have much of a reaction when the fight breaks out at the waterpark. If anything, she seems apathetic, bored, and kind of annoyed, because karate just keeps getting in the way of her Hot Girl Summer XD She never asks Sam much about karate, either, even when Moon does. Hell, even in S4, Yasmine makes one (1) comment about being bummed she won't be there to root for Demetri, before...proceeding to fly back for the prom and not stay for the AVT. Yasmine only manages to muster up any interest in karate when directly interacting with Demetri, and ceases to care about it whenever he's gone. So, clearly, it's not something she finds interesting outside of its relation to her boyfriend.

Which brings me to my next point: When you look closely, the way Yasmine hypes up Demetri's interests and passions does not suggest any deeper care or understanding. The things she says relating to how much she "loves" all things Demetri are...exceptionally non-committal and surface level. "I love it when you talk nerdy!" or "You're more important than my dad's wedding!" or "you have no idea how much I like you!" are all easy things to say, but the underlying why--as well as any details that back up or flesh out these statements--is always missing. We have no reason to believe Yasmine sincerely means what she's saying. She reads like she's going through the motions, almost placating Demetri by telling him what she thinks he wants to hear and nothing more. Yasmine has decided that it's in her best interest and the best thing for her reputation to go out with a fairly popular, well-liked athlete--likely to get back some of the popularity she lost after The Wedgie Incident™️. So she says what she believes she needs to and acts accordingly in order to keep Demetri around. But her supposed zeal for all things geeky, all things karate, and Demetri himself vanishes as soon as he's not around, with Yasmine not making a peep about any of these in S5. Even her pep talk in S6 is ultimately Yasmine trying to convince Demetri to put off their date--perhaps she's looking for an excuse to not have to see him more than she absolutely has to?

And make no mistake--this complete and utter disinterest in their partner's brain and personality goes both ways. Yasmine is, contrary to what the jabs CK makes about her being "book dumb" would have you believe, NOT unintelligent. She has a significant amount of cunning and people smarts, seeing as there's no possible way for her to have EVER been the school queen bee without them. She has good intuition about people who might be dangerous, like Johnny (with his yelling and aggressively slamming on the car door) and Lynn (with her demanding money and a very unconvincing "I ain't gonna hurt ya!"). Yasmine comes up with a convincing cover story about why her Range Rover is totaled. Hell, even her scheme about how to use Anthony's attraction to her to fuck with his head shows she knows how to be manipulative, and is the type of detailed "longcon" that she simply wouldn't have the capacity to plan and pull off if she was truly nothing but a ditz. The issue is that Yasmine is not a type of intelligent that Demetri really cares about or values.

In S1, he DOES seem to respect Yasmine's power and influence, and basically says "I don't think I'm cool enough to be talking to you" the one time they do interact. By S3, though, Yasmine has mostly lost her power and influence--and Demetri directly says as much! Now, his interest in Yasmine seems to be all about her looks. Less because Demetri particularly cares how hot a girl is--I don't think he's attracted to women at all, as I've said in many of my posts--but because of the social capital he gains simply by having a conventionally attractive blonde white girl as his arm candy. And (ironically much like Yasmine!) Demetri goes through the motions and does what he needs to keep his Coolness Trophy and Proof of His Normality and Straightness around.

Demetri takes it a step further, though. While Yasmine seems to have a general idea of his personality (geeky shit, karate, insecurity), Demetri does not bother to differentiate Yasmine from any other girl. Every "nice thing" he does for her is either base-level common courtesy (i.e. not actively saying mean things to her or verbally berating her or whatever), or things like jewelry, flower, and candy gifts, which Yasmine has never shown ANY kind of particular affinity for (and fucking trust me--I have watched every Yasmine scene DOZENS of times). Demetri does less than the bare minimum, treating his girlfriend like The Generic Woman™️ and giving 0 indication he knows anything about what she likes as an individual. Hell, the ONE time I gave him credit--remembering that she likes bleunamis--I realized...Yasmine never confirms she actually likes bleunamis? Or wants one? In fact, she immediately follows up with "maybe you should train longer so we don't have to go on this date"!!! It truly does not seem Demetri cares in the slightest about Yasmine's actual personality, or unique traits. The only reason his half-assed "romantic gestures" even work is because Yasmine likes the optics of being with him.

So, going by all this, I think it's fair to say Yasmine and Demetri don't give a shit about exploring or embracing one another's interests and passions. They've had plenty of time to learn about each other, and neither cares to. They both stick to superficial platitudes that will appease the other person (and perhaps their observing peers) just enough to keep the relationship going, with no indication they have anything but a skin-deep read on who the other is as a person. Yasmine boils Demetri down to Insecure Karate Nerd, so as long as she appeals to one of those traits, she's good to go. Demetri boils Yasmine down to Girly Aesthetic, so as long as he buys her stereotypical girly stuff, he's good to go. Additionally, Demetri and Yasmine broadly do not share values, or how they define a competent, successful person. Demetri values putting in work to get what he wants, while Yasmine is far more concerned with the end result benefiting her than whatever she has to do to get there.

I don't think just because she is hyperfeminine, Yasmine can't be a deep thinker who spends a lot of time in her head, contemplating things she likes. Assuming someone concerned with her appearance who happens to like a girlier presentation doesn't have a rich and complex interior world and an active mind is...well, obviously really misogynistic. But ultimately, it doesn't matter how "loud" Yasmine's mind is or how intricate her inner monologue is. If she and Demetri don't ever go down the same cognitive rabbitholes, then it won't matter a fig they're both deep thinkers. And, naturally, we arrive back at the question people have been asking since these two started dating in S3: What the fuck do they talk about?

Demetri probably wants to talk at length about coding, tech, robotics, his favorite sci-fi and fantasy media, science in general, etc. With Yasmine, we don't know her passions for sure, but I'll extrapolate she's knowledgeable about things like fashion trends, social media, health spas, her favorite pop stars, French culture, the best ways to do a home manicure, etc. Maybe she loves learning even more about these things and telling people about them! But if Demetri and Yasmine were either to ramble to the other about all the thoughts they've been having about That Cool Thing They Like, they'd put their partner straight to sleep. Their partner's eyes would glaze over and they'd just mutely nod along while playing Charlie Brown trumpet noises and letting their mind wander somewhere completely different. There's just no sustainable common ground where they can bond for the long term. So TL;DR, to wrap all this up: Demetri and Yasmine's basic disconnect on values and lack of shared hobbies means that neither would be able to regularly engage the other to any significant degree. This means conversations that are stimulating and fun for both is not really possible in the long term.

As for the second reason women seek intelligent men, well. I don't feel I need to convince y'all too much that Rich Girl Yasmine being a gold-digger isn't the case. But nonetheless, I'm covering all my bases.

Yasmine is absolutely richer than Demetri will ever be by means of old money alone. In fact, Yasmine's wealth is the first qualifier we are told about her. Demetri says to Miguel "don't even bother thinking we can associate with those girls; they're rich. We're worth less than the dirt they walk on." Demetri views this clique as superior and untouchable because of their money. Even when he talks later about how he needs to do well on the PSAT so he can eventually get a good, stable job, he never really frames it like "I want to have as much money as Yasmine someday." He wants a more realistic, achievable picture of middle class success and stability: A decent, well-paying job that is good enough, and a hot trophy girl to show for his hard work. Having money on Yasmine's level seems to be beyond Demetri's wildest dreams.

Keep in mind that Demetri knows he's smart and good at tech--he and Eli won a coding competition pretty recently! Still, having a marketable skill with the potential to make you lots of money is much different than having easy access to generational wealth, like Yasmine is implied to. Her parents fly her to places like France and Australia and buy her new cars without batting an eye--the girl is loaded. She essentially has the money to do whatever she likes (and Annalisa said as much in an interview a while back!). There's no real reason why Yasmine would seek out money in a partner.

You could argue "maybe she wants to be even richer," but investing time and effort into having a relationship with someone who might one day be wealthy (and even then--maybe never as wealthy as Yas already was!) doesn't fit with how we know Yasmine approaches her life. She likes tangible, immediate results and instant gratification, and she doesn't mind cutting corners to get what she wants quicker and with less work. Dating a guy she finds quite boring for years and years and years and banking (no pun intended) on his tech someday making him a millionaire is not a risk I see Yasmine taking. Far less trouble just to mooch mommy and daddy's money and play nice with them so she makes sure she gets that inheritance someday! That, and "oh no, someday I'm gonna be expected to marry a rich, respectable guy so my family won't cut me off :(" isn't a concern I see High School Yasmine losing much sleep over. Girl is using her teenage years to fuck around and have fun, and she'll worry about those pesky adult concerns when she's actually an adult.

So, between no possibility of engaging conversations and Yasmine not standing to gain any money from Demetri that isn't dwarfed by what she already has, there's no logical reason why she would be attracted to this math brainiac in any way that would last.

So why is Yasmine and Demetri being this deeply incompatible a genuine problem? They certainly aren't the first sloppily unconvincing forced romance in TV. The trope of dorky nerd boy x popular girl is even considered banally common to the point that a lot of the initial criticism of this pairing came from it being "cliche." In a lot of cases, badly-done canon ships just make me roll my eyes and move on, either ignoring the dynamic or writing a better fanon alternative. The Yasmine-Demetri dynamic, I'd argue, is a lot more harmful than it first appears. So much so that I can't just turn away and push them off my radar.

The ship sends this really weird message of how dumb girls (or at least girls society perceives that way due to them not performing super well academically or being a bit slow on the uptake) go for intelligent guys because...they like feeling like brainless arm candy? They enjoy feeling like nothing except a hot body next to their well-spoken and probably much more broadly-respected boyfriend, who is actually taken seriously by the people around them? It's just so painfully illogical because no woman would choose that life, especially if the dude is not, like, an insane stud.

What does Demetri do for her that would make her so fixated??? We don't have reason to believe she actually understands his "nerdspeak", and she doesn't need to be his girlfriend to have him get her good grades--she could always string him along just enough for him to keep tutoring her or whatever. Even outside his vibes of being an absolute flaming homosexual, he's canonically a virgin when they get together (at least as far as women go...), so he can't be THAT good at sexual stuff--or at least not compared to some more experienced jock boy. And if she wanted to use him for his body, she could just...do that. She could go to him for a quick, easy lay without them being in a relationship. This is high school, and you can fuck and run, and it's fine! Maybe the idea is that he doesn't care about her enough to get possessive and he's always down for a quick makeout sesh when she's feeling the urge, but like. There are plenty of guys at that school who I'm sure would be delighted to be casual with Yasmine, and wouldn't give a fuck if they weren't exclusive.

I think the implication is that Yasmine really is so stupid that she doesn't know any better. It doesn't compute that she gets nothing out of this relationship, and she's inexplicably insatiably turned on by this guy's smarts. Which is obviously problematic and all but it's just so overtly a dumb male fantasy--every (straight) weird nerd dude wants a super hot conventionally attractive popular girl to become obsessed with him to the point she forgets her own personality, but doesn't want to have to do anything to appeal to who she actually is as a person and what she does and doesn't like. Demetri just conveniently has everything Yasmine's ever wanted in a guy, and doesn't have to put in any effort whatsoever to maintain the relationship beyond doing a 5-second google search of "what to do when your girlfriend is mad at you."

Say you're sorry a bunch of times! Get her flowers! Get her candy! Get her jewelry! And all of this miraculously works because it's every guy's dream to have a hot, endlessly horny girlfriend who can be appeased by The Most Typical Woman Things on the rare occasion she gets cranky. Because women love their frivolous girly plants and their sweets and their materialistic displays of wealth, and must not have any needs or desires beyond that. Just dump enough roses into the sex vending machine, and she'll be back to tonguing you and slapping your ass in public in no time!

All in all, not only is yas/metri prettily-packaged misogyny, it's an aggressively illogical breed of it that holds no water even outside its ickier implications. It's a ship that inherently belittles and demeans the woman (who in of herself is a rather mean-spirited representation of feminine girls), but in a way where the logic falls apart upon any scrutiny whatsoever.

This is the kind of mlw ship dynamic that feels sexist in such an over-the-top, ham-fisted way that it's almost satirical. The het tropes used here are just so incredibly uninteresting that it feels almost intentional--a parody of the type of dynamic it tries to play straight.

Usually I'd just laugh at yas/metri and write it off as a catastrophic failure. And, back in 2022, me and the entire fandom more or less did. It's going for a sweet nerdy dork x hot rich socialite type of thing, and it absolutely did not stick the landing. All we're left with is two characters I don't buy would be romantically/sexually involved for any length of time, and what appears to be some old white men dealing with the fact their high school crushes didn't find them interesting and vicariously living through a teenage boy character about it. Yas/metri was as nonsensical as it was filled to the brim with concerningly misogynistic implications, and so I could take solace in the fact that no one was taking it that seriously.

Except now people are. Now, more and more, a lot of what I see in the character tags for Yasmine and Demetri indicate people see no issue with this dynamic, or how it actively does a disservice to both characters by sticking them with a partner who I believe will never, ever be able to share in or care about the things they love and value. People are praising the "cuteness" of Yasmine's little Demetri cheerleading routine and giggling over her horniness, while there's largely radio silence about how deeply fucked it is that the story objectifies and dehumanizes a female character for the sake of propping up a male character and showing off his "coolness" in getting a hot girlfriend.

It's concerning, and it's saddening. As a woman--particularly one who has been catcalled a LOT and rarely feels safe around straight men these days--it's disheartening to see people enthusiastically condone the use of my gender as pretty props, especially in an online space I've always thought of as a sanctuary.

Fiction does not exist in a vacuum, and it DOES affect reality. When you praise and back couples like Yasmine and Demetri, you send a message to many women that you are not someone they can trust.

[exasperatedfey]

Medieval May Reading Bingo

Happy May! To celebrate I've decided to create a reading challenge where I read medieval texts in May. Full disclosure, this is inspired by another reading challenge on storygraph with a similar name posted by a user called maryshelleywasright. That challenge wasn't long enough for me so I made this!

Absolutely no pressure to join me but I thought it would be fun to open up the challenge to a wider pool of people (especially my Arthuriana mutuals @gwalch-mei and @mordred-galahad). To anyone wondering where the hell to find texts for these prompts your local library might have some! I would also be remiss in not mentioning @queer-ragnelle who runs the Arthurian Preservation Project on her blog. They've done so much work in making Arthurian media of all kinds accessible! If you'd like to post about this challenge you can use the #medievalmay tag.

While I will be reading mostly arthurian texts to prepare for another reading challenge I'm thinking of putting together for August, that doesn't have to be the case for you. The only criteria is that it has to be a text written from 900 CE to 1500 CE. It can be from literally anywhere in the world as long as it fits a bingo prompt. Go nuts lol.

Would Be Cancelled on Ye Olde Twitter - Read a medieval text where the protagonist would absolutely be cancelled on Twitter. Up to you to interpret whether the character's actual personality would get them cancelled if you put a phone in their hands or if they would get cancelled if their story started trending in modern day. Whatever you think is funnier.

God Forbid Women Have Hobbies - Read a medieval text where a woman is the main antagonist. The more evil she is the better.

You Probably Could Fix This One TBH - Read a medieval text where you probably could fix the main character. How much of a fixer-upper they would be is up to you, as long as you can make a case for why/how you could pull it off.

Oh No! My Hubris - Read a medieval text where the main character's hubris comes back to bite them on the ass in a big way.

Reading This Will Make You Fun at Parties, We Promise - Read a medieval text that will be a real conversation starter at parties.

You Can't Fix This Loser But You Can Watch Their Life Implode - Read a medieval text where the main character is completely unfixable. Where they are on the scale from "kind of a mess" to "so much of a human trash fire that mere proximity to them would cause popcorn kernels to pop" is up to you.

No Maidens? - Read a medieval text where the protagonist fumbles a love interest in a spectacular fashion. They can win them back but the initial fumbling must happen.

Surprisingly Cool About A Lot of Stuff - Read a medieval text that's cool about things you wouldn't expect for the time period. Specifically race or gender, but it can apply to other topics as well. "Cool" doesn't equate "Perfect" so the text doesn't have to pass modern day standards, an effort just needs to have been made.

Some Freak Ruins Everything - Read a medieval text where the good vibes have been ruined by some weirdo ruining things. The main character can be cleaning up this mess and not the one who caused it. It can happen off screen or prior to the story, as long as some freak somewhere has decided to be a problem the prompt applies.

An Accurate Adaptation Would be Rated R - Read a medieval text with a bananas amount of violence.

Special Guest Star: Blorbo From My Shows! - Read a medieval text that's inspired a piece of more modern media you are already familiar with.

A Is For Adultery - Read a medieval text where one of the main characters commits adultery.

FREE - Real literally any medieval text you want.

(To the Tune of Who's That Girl) Who's That Knight? - Read a medieval text where the main character has a mystery surrounding their past or identity. The main character doesn't actually have to be a knight, I just thought the prompt name was funny when I thought of it at work.

Cell Phones Would Have Made This Worse - Read a medieval text where the characters having cell phones would have made the situation much worse.

The Eternally Burning Fires of Guilt (And Shame!) - Read a medieval text where guilt and shame are major themes. You can also pick something that you feel guilty about not having read yet. This prompt is very flexible!

Born Too Early To Go To Therapy, But Just In Time To Go On Quests - Read a medieval text where the main character would really benefit from some therapy, but unfortunately they live during medieval times. Epic quests aren't a replacement but they're better than nothing.

Somewhere That Isn't Europe - Read a medieval text that has as little to do with Europe as possible. After all, other places had literary traditions. It isn't fair that Europe hogs the spotlight 24/7.

Some Freak Fixes Everything Somehow - Read a medieval text where the problem is solved by some freak. Said freak doesn't have to be the main character and the fixing can happen off-page.

Not-So Medieval Gender Roles - Read a medieval text that fucks with gender roles of the time. How much and in what ways is up to you.

The Author's Poorly Disguised Fetish: Medieval Edition - Read a medieval text where you get the sense the writer was transcribing it one-handed at certain moments.

Turbo-Doomed By The Narrative - Read a medieval text where the protagonist might as well have a giant neon sign over their head that says "THEY'RE FUCKED".

And They Were Comrades in Arms (My Lord They Were Comrades in Arms) - Read a medieval text known for it's homoeroticism.

Cell Phones Would Have Fixed This - Read a medieval text where cell phones would have resolved the center conflict pretty quickly or prevented some horrible tragedy.

Hey Kid, Ya Like Proving Yourself? - Read a medieval text where the protagonist is the new kid on the block and has to prove themselves with a great deed or two.

[televised-uhhh-nerdistry]

Cartoon rec of the week:

Craig of the Creek

I haven't seen enough people talking about the show, so I'm mentioning it here. Absolute 10/10 cartoon. Just three kids, running 'round, making friends, running their own semi-sustainable community in the forest (there are some concerns about how much trash they leave there but ultimately they're better than most adults). Literally such a dream. they encourage each other to be emotionally healthy and they protect each other from "danger". Like they'll help each other achieve their dreams as they come (and new dreams show up pretty often because they're young kids).

And they're so funny! Like genuinely these kids are so earnest and intelligent and incredibly humorous and full of heart! They have full lives and they live them to the fullest out in nature after school, on the weekends, and in the summer. It's one of the best representations of found family I have ever seen in a cartoon, and I absolutely love it.

Also several of the writers behind the show are POC and queer (I think the head writers are all Black but I could be wrong), so you know that it was written well and the representation is awesome like I know that it should absolutely go without saying, but representation is much more than just showing BIPOC people on screen, and in terms of cartoons I haven't seen that many shows understanding that fact except maybe the Proud Family, Fat Albert, and a few others whose names will return to me once I've taken my ADHD meds. But the point is that Craig of the Creek gets it right. Most of the characters throughout the show (from what I've seen) are BIPOC, and you can tell that there are caring nods to BIPOC communities (primarily Black American communities), and more than that, that the writers know what they're talking about and are deeply familiar with and are a part of those communities. Craig, the titular character, is a young Black boy, and his family are middle class and ultimately very successful Black people. Kelsey (one of the main characters) is Jewish and Polish, and written with more complexity than having a one and done Hanukah celebration. The Creek's main business, a trading post, is run by Kit, a young Black girl with a love for economy and business. And many other characters are racial or ethnic minorities as well, and it warms my heart to see these characters done justice time and time again.

There's great subtle queer rep too, and you can tell it wasn't written just for the sake of representation, like it was thought out and intentional, and it worked beautifully. There are queer witches, and there are no labels applied to them, they're just allowed to exist with no explanations, happily in love with one another. There's a non-binary character later in the series (I'm only like 10 episodes in so I haven't met them yet but I've read amazing things about them). Kelsey also apparently identifies as a lesbian later in the series (I say "apparently" because I haven't done much reading so as to avoid spoilers, not because I am discounting her identity). On top of that, JP (one of the main characters) has a sister who is dating another girl.

There's also a significant amount of body positivity in the show, at least far than I've seen elsewhere. Not only do they openly say "all bodies are beautiful" and follow up on that by defending one another, there's also very little need to defend one another, because there's a very unspoken and deep respect in the Creek for things like body type, skin colour, disabilities, and so on. The kids of the creek, and their grown ups, are all different body types, and given their penchant for community and uplifting one another, it's no wonder they all seem confident in their bodies.

Not to mention the disability representation. There is a character later on in the series who is Black and deaf, and he not only speaks in Sign Language, but in Black American Sign Language. In addition, though unconfirmed, many of the kids in the creek embody aspects of various neurotypes. For example, the three main characters, Craig, Kelsey, and JP all come across as neurodivergent, with special interests, neurodivergent ways of thinking, and so on. Some have speculated that JP has Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, which is a disability often comorbid with ADHD. Not to mention that all the kids in the creek embody different special interests, most of which would be considered weird or frowned upon in everyday society, but that are given the opportunity to shine and flourish in the Creek's accepting culture.

Take the Horse Girls for example, a small clique of girls who roleplay as horses in a pasture near the Creek, and of course many of their behaviours are played as jokes, but ultimately they are accepted and involved in many adventures because of their unique interests and abilities which are ultimately how they aid the rest of the Creek. Every kid is a useful and accepted part of the Creek, with the exception of the ranger scout kids, who are essentially the same as cops, who are often exploitative, rude, and disruptive to the community as a whole.

Ultimately, the show is one of love, friendship, community, and acknowledging differences as a natural and helpful part of life. On top of that, it's not copaganda! What more could you want?

[nocturnal-phantoms-fandoms]

Polish Marauders - Where would they be from?

A breakdown of each Marauders Era Character possible place of residence/origin, had they all been Polish, that nobody asked for.

(partially inspired by @lilacella world wide moodboards, that reminded me that 2 years ago my mutuals played this little game “what if the marauders where from X country”. I think I have finally matured enough to actually make such a post)

Starting with the easiest one:

Sirius

Sloth’s Polrius™ is from Warsaw and obviously I agree with this assessment. He needs to be from The Big Important City.

However I do like the idea that he moves (at least temporarily) to Poznań, which has been dubbed Poland’s “queer capital” by some people.

He moves out the moment he gets the chance - to get away from his family, to meet new people, and to finally get to know himself (this is a pun. the name of the city might be coming from the verb “poznać” which means “to get to know” - someone or something knew, oneself, etc - or "to recognize")

Things Poznań is known for include: St. Martin's croissants, City Hall and its Goats (all pictured below), Pyrkon (fan convention; its name draws from the poznanian word for potato: pyra), funny dialect (see: pyra)

James

(this one is based on my assumption that James’s parents lived in Godrics Hollow as well, before James and Lily got married)

Godrics Hollow could be Gryfice or Gryfino (both small towns) near Szczecin. They take their names from the Griffin dynasty also known as House of Griffin that was founded in the 12th century. Both towns, most counties and the whole province have red griffins in their coats of arms.

You know. Like Godric Gryffindor?

Anyways.

Gryfino is right next to the Enchanted Crooked Forest and I mean. Just look at that. It does look like a Harry Potter location.

(I like the name of Gryfice better but Gryfino is located closer to the Crooked Forest, so Im sticking with that one)

Now things are getting a bit less straightforward.

Lily and Severus

For them I have 2 suggestions.:

Łódź - used to be the industrial centre with many textile factories. Since the name of Spinner’s End hints at the involvement in textile production - either cotton or wool spinning - this impression of Cokeworth being involved with textile industry stuck with me (tho I dont think we are ever told what was Cokeworth actually producing). However, Łódź is the 4th biggest city, not a small town like Cokeworth, and isnt as much of the textile industry anymore.

(Upper) Silesia - the other highly industrialised region, focused on mining (mostly coal), metalurgy etc. It has its own regional language called Silesian (I am not a linguist so idk whats the status of Silesian - some say its a dialect, some say its a separate regional language and are currently trying to get it recognised as such. idk its complicated (like everything about Silesia tbh). you can read some articles on wikipedia in silesian tho.). It fits the Cokeworth vibe a bit better, but it could also be compared to Wales (region focused on mining ✅ has a distinct dialect/language ✅ complicated history/relationship regarding the country/state its a part of ✅)

(with this one I ran out of creative juices and couldnt find any nice photos on unsplash or wikipedia so I used the posters by Ryszard Kaja. side note: Katowice is the capital city of the Silesian Province but its not the only province that can be referred to when talking about Silesia. like I said its complicated)

Remus

While trying to decide where he could be from, my first thought was: he has to be from the south of Poland - in that case, Sirius and James can make fun of the way he speaks (it doesnt matter how strong or noticeable one’s dialect is, I feel like southerners will always be made fun of). If Remus is from a town/village in the south he can hate on Warsaw people bc thats the preferable pastime of people not from Warsaw apparently (this also applies to Lily and Severus ofc)

So.

If we assume that Wales = Silesia (only for the purposes of this tumblr post!), then he can be from Silesia (as I mentioned: mining ✅ distinct dialect/language ✅ kind of a separate-ish region ✅)

But. If we want to lean into the sheep aspect of Wales (rather than the coal mining aspect) I would suggest Podhale - one of the mountain regions in the south. It is big on sheep ✅ has a rather noticeable dialect ✅ and having lots of sheep means: lots of woollen sweaters ✅ (crucial for Remus characterisation in any and all AUs)

other points for your consideration:

there is a breed of shepherd dogs originating from this region (Tatra Shepherd Dog, in polish: Owczarek Podhalański) (its quite large but sadly white not black like Padfoot. i still think it counts for Wolfstar points)

there is a fanart of Remus (and Lily) inspired by folk attire from Podhale region

pictured: Morskie Oko (in English: Eye of the Sea) also included in @polaroidcats Remus moodboard for my Erasmus AU; oscypek - regional smoked cheese from sheep milk; folk attire from Podhale region from this postcard, Tatra Shepherd Dog and Zakopane Style architecture (Zakopane is one of the main towns of the Podhale region)

Peter

I genuinely have no idea. We have no canon info that I could base any headcanons on. lets not talk about how I initially forgot about him all together. There are a few towns that used to be made fun of for no reason, so maybe he could be from one of them for the meme sake? I dont know

Hogwarts

How do they all meet? In Poland people would rather go to local high schools (as in: within their province). But if we want to gather people from all over the country our best shot is a university - and the oldest one is the Jagiellonian University in Kraków (Cracow) founded in 1364.

ending notes

Im not worrying about the details or technicalities now, like how do they meet if they pick different majors at the uni (because then their classes won’t even share buildings). This is just a silly headcanon post that took me way too long to put together than it should

Im sorry if I disappointed anyone by not including more characters. I said "Marauders Era Character" instead of just "Marauders" bc I wanted to include Lily and Severus too. I dont know where I would place any other characters bc in most cases I dont have enough info (like with Peter...)

I hope Im not spreading any misinformation with this post. I wish I could say more on the topic of dialects and regional langauges and explain how it all works in Poland but im not a linguist and dont feel qualified enough lol

Poland is divided into Województwa which is anglicised as Voivodeships. However I decided to refer to them as “provinces”, even if thats not the correct term, for simplicity/brevity sake

all photos (unless stated otherwise) are from either unsplash.com or wikipedia. and yes i made all the moodboards

[fudgetunblr]

I finished heartstopper season 3 yesterday and I wanted to share some of my favourite moments in no particular order:

Tao and Elle having a discussion about Elle’s dysphoria in the context of them being intimate. I think it’s really important to showcase this and start a dialogue about it. Just all of the discussions were important actually, Elle knows Tao loves her and he doesn’t care, but that doesn’t mean it’s not affecting her, especially with all the transphobia in the world and all the legislations right now.

How they adapted Charlie’s mental health struggles. From Nick asking for help from his aunt, which I think will really help people understand how they can help people that they love, to showing both Charlie and Nick’s perspective when he went away. They both struggled in their own way, and I think it was both important to showcase how Charlie wasn’t magically better after going away, and also how it’s important to not forget yourself when you’re trying to help someone else. Nick loves Charlie a lot, and he wants the best for him, but that doesn’t mean that all of his own feelings doesn’t exist as well.

Bonus points for Tara and Nick having a conversation about it. Where Tara applied her experiences with Darcy, and how although she loves them, and they were going through a lot, Tara still tried to also take care of herself.

Darcy coming out as non-binary.

Charlie applying the skills he learned in therapy to help Tara with her panic attack.

Imogen realising that she’s queer. Just hers and Sahara’s entire arc actually, and how they didn’t get together, because sometimes that isn’t the answer?

Isaac coming out as aroace and the characters having an important discussion about friendship and how it’s just as important as their romantic relationships. He doesn’t want a romantic relationship, but he’s constantly surrounded by people who make it seem like the most important thing in the world, and having that constantly shoved down his throat when he is reevaluating things about himself isn’t actually that easy.

Tao’s videos. Bonus points to Mr. Farouk going 🙂👍🏽

Tori’s entire arc, and also her confronting Charlie about how she feels abandoned by him sometimes.

Michael was also just great. Unironically so funny. I love the little gift he found for Charlie and then all of them just meowing😭💀

Charlie telling Nick he loves him through the door and then immediately running away 💀 girl, give him a minute

Sex Ed basically being a class where you put a condom on a cucumber and then showing pictures of STIs. Some experiences are truly universal I’m afraid.

Nick dressing as captain America.

Nick stumbling over himself after meeting Jonathan Bailey (I don’t remember the characters name lmao, but he was so real for that I’m afraid).

Charlie taking small steps in his recovery by wearing a t-shirt to the fair 🥺

Darcy’s grandmother 🔥 new favorite character unlocked.

Those are just a few things I can think of right now.

[zolo-san]

hey @ people who write long fics/chapter fics: what do you do when you have a fic idea and you've got a lot of good stuff to make up the actual fic, but you don't really have a real ending?

asking for a friend lol

So I don't normally write long fics and I really don't write chapter fics (Like one of my longest posted fics is a little over 14k but most of my stuff averages around 4k) but the Lawlu university AU that has been consuming my brain for the last month or so is an idea that has to be a chapter fic and I have a lot of ideas for it, but I don't have a clear ending point. Most of my fics have always had a very clear and natural end Like I've never really planned the ending out per say, but I just knew when the story I was trying to tell was finished and never had a problem wrapping it up But right now I'm close to finally getting all the ideas I had for this AU down and I don't know that I have a "clear" ending, ya know I know that I don't (at least right now) have much more that I'd like to include in the story, but idk if I can really end it where my ideas/desire to continue the story drops off like idk if it'll feel like a proper end there...........this is also so hard to explain if you're not living in my head and don't know where the planning doc currently ends, so sorry lol

I also have this irrational fear of writing chapter fics Like I get anxious at the implied commitment of it all and dumb things like how long a chapter should be? (I don't believe in filling up stories with filler just for the sake of length, if it's not relevant to the story or character development I generally won't include it - it's the script writer in me >.<) I know there's no real "rules" to how long a chapter "needs" to be and there's no such thing as a chapter being "too short" (this applies for writing in general, but double for fanfic) but it makes me STRESSED that I might not have enough for certain ideas to make a "full" chapter idk why I'm more comfortable with creating a bunch of short fics as part of a series and calling it a day (maybe because there's also no implied "total" amount of chapters even tho ao3 does the 1/? until you mark a chapter fic as complete) I also get anxious because I like the permission series fics feel like they give me to skip large chunks of time and I feel like I can't do that with a chapter fic (again I know there are no "rules" I'm just stressing out for nothing lol) I also just like that with a series I could randomly pick it up and write another piece to go with it on a whim if say, I get another idea out of nowhere after completing the story that I have currently planned (tho I guess there's nothing that stops me from adding a chapter to a fic even after it's marked as complete is there? 🤔) BUT if I were to write it as a series, then I'd have to have a title for every fic and the thought of that makes me want to jump out a window (naming fics is truly the bane of my existence), but with a chapter fic it's one title and I'm done (I also already know what I want the title to be sooooooooo) I can also make a series for the AU and have the chapter fic be a main fic and then have the freedom to write sort of spin-off one-off fics in the same universe for other couples 😈

idk man........I'm having a CRISIS over a fanfiction and something about that is very funny....but still lol Especially because I'm mostly worried about breaking non-existent "rules" idk I think I just have to accept that I'm a little weirdo when it comes to fic writing~

tho I still have the problem of not having a clear ending..........

help i'm going crazy i know none of this matters but still >.>

[ti-girl1226]

since season 2 is done…

I have a 2 theories one might sound a bit strange but I’ll get to that in a second, and also might not click onto lore wise for the actual game

1- Isha is alive still- we don’t see isha die literally or get buried, which I understand her getting buried may be had due to like explosion right. But for this season and show where it’s been kinda thing where they don’t strive away from death and seeing the dead bodies of people it’s a bit strange. Now it came be argued that they didn’t show Milo or Clagger (is that how you spell it?) getting buried but you did see them die. Also even then with characters like Vander you think he is dead but nope he’s alive. My thing with most of the fandoms I watch applies here, if you don’t see a body then they aren’t dead. 2- Where is isha?- you may be asking then because I sound like a crazy person who just wants everything to be happy again. (Not a lie here.) Well I have a theory that doesn't have much evidence but I still like to think about it this way. It’s that anyone who is “killed” by the arcane isn’t actually dead more so a soul stuck in wherever Viktor and Jayce where. Now you might be saying that’s a cop out, you’re kinda right but I don’t think this counts for anything other than explosive magic. The thing is whenever there is an explosion of hextech they just disappear, no traces. Poof gone, which seems strange to me. Now I’m not saying if someone where to be like shot by jinx’s gun like silco was that they are in the Hex space (that’s what I’m calling the weird space idk if there is a name for it) no I’m saying that the injuries they sustained prior to the hex explosion is still there, but the damage done by the explosion is reversed. So this still gives a chance for them all to come back from where they first disappeared. Which I think is kinda funny considering all the scientist Ambessa sent down to the hexgate, which would all if there was a way to get the people out of hexspace would just pile on top of each other down there.

3- Jayce and Viktor have adopted Isha in hexspace and are living happily ever after. If they somehow in fanfics come back I want it so that then Viktor kinda takes Jinx’s under his wing and Jayce does the same for Vi mainly because he already did it for Caitlin.