#this 23 year old acting like a 13 year old will fucking end me

[sparklyslug]

I keep having flashbacks to a legitimate convo with new teammate who, when I was giving him edits on a project, actually looked at me and went “🥺🥺🥺🥺 well I tried my very best”

[amalythea]

moonstruck ; birthday event !

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As a way to celebrate me being old and a way for me to get back into writing I decided to host an event! I wrote these prompts like a year ago back on @soleillunne with the help of @starrveill (i love you)

This is a request based event, if you have an idea in mind send me an ask with a prompt, a genre (optional) and a character of your choice.

You can send in as many asks as you want, but only one prompt and character per ask is allowed. So you can ask the same prompt for different characters with multiple asks.

I will delete any request that's against my rules and just make me uncomfortable in general. If you have any questions about the characters I write for please don't hesitate to ask.

I will tag this post and each post related to this one with "moonstruck!", and the event will get its own masterlist. I don't know when I will close the event, but I will announce when I do.

Below are the prompts, go crazy (⁠｡⁠•̀⁠��⁠-⁠)⁠✧

1. “don't smile at me like that!”

2. “may i have this dance?” “well, if you insist.”

3. “stop moving, i'm almost done!”

4. “well, if i tell you it wouldn't be a secret.”

5. “the moon is beautiful, isn't it?”

6. “i wouldn't wanna fight you. you're pretty feisty.”

7. “your eyes are always on them.” “…are they? I haven’t noticed.”

8. “do you think the moon is jealous of how pretty you are?”

9. “are you sure you're okay? your face seems a little red.”

10. “...on the bright side, we'll know how not to cook next time.”

11. “you're my favorite person.”

12. “close the curtains! my eyes are burning!” “don’t you think you’ve slept in long enough, you little vampire?”

13. “here.” ”what are you doing?” “giving you my jacket. cover yourself up, people are staring.” (bonus: “…are you sure you’re not the one staring?”)

14. “how… do you understand my feelings so well?” “…because i’d been in your place once”

15. “i love you. now say it back.” “please— stop talking, save it till we get you help—” “say it back—” “i love you. i love you, i love you, i love you so fucking much, please don’t leave me—”

16. “dont miss me too much, okay?”

17. “tell me what i can do for you.” “stay.”

18. “wait! don't go... not yet.”

19. “i swear to you, that as long as I’m alive I won’t let a single soul ever harm you.”

20. “how do you make the pain go away?”

21. “you feel like home to me.”

22. “it's okay to cry, you know.”

23. “you're acting like my mom.” “shut up and let me take care of you.”

24. “i'm never leaving you. you're stuck with me.”

25. “in your darkest moments, I'll be your guiding light.”

30. “you're exhausted, honey.”

31. “can i have another blanket?” “do you really think that’s a good idea, love?”

32. “come over here; let me patch you up.”

33. “how do you do it?” “do what?” “make me feel alive.”

34. “i have no idea how i got through my days before i met you.”

35. “what do you feel when you're with me?” “when i'm with you... i feel at peace.”

36. “you lied to me. was i just a pawn in your game? the easiest one you can discard?”

37. “you make me feel so alone.”

38. “i don't know what to do without you.”

39. “make sure it kills me.”

40. “i love you, until the end of the world.”

41. “you had your chance.”

42. “wait for me, will you?”

43. “i don't want to go.”

44. “i'm sorry, have we met before?”

45. “it's okay, you can let go.”

46. “i can't help but wonder if you ever truly loved me.”

47. “given your history, i should have known better.”

48. “you made a promise.”

49. “in the end, I was just a stepping stone in your path to success, wasn't I?”

50. “i can't trust you anymore, not after what you did.”

51. “…please don’t come any closer.” “why not?” “i don’t want to hurt you.” “who said you would?”

52. “people always leave, so why should it be any different now?” “what if i told you that i never planned on leaving? not now, not ever?”

53. “the only thing that makes every ounce of pain worth enduring is you.”

54. “i love you too much to stay away, and I wouldn't wish for anything less than to spend an eternity by your side.”

55. “the day i lose you is the day that i lose everything.”

56. “please don't go... i love you.” “...i wish i could believe that.”

57. “i'm sorry. you deserve so much more than this, and i can't even give you that, no matter how much i want to.”

58. “do you know the difference between history and you?” “what?” “history is the past, but you’re my future.” “…oh my god.”

59. “now remember, you don’t need to apologize for things you aren’t responsible for, okay?” “okay! i’m sorry!” “…i literally just said not to apologize.” “sorry..” “damn it. we’re gonna have to work on that a bit more.”

60. “i’m sure the feeling won’t last, but let me hold onto you a little bit longer before i go.”

Bonus: send me a prompt/lyrics of your choice!

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moonstruck — unable to think or act normally, especially as a result of being in love.

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@amalythea 2024. | do not re-upload, copy, translate, etc. my works on any form of media.

[sable-skies]

(Headcanon) ages for the lads I need to write down before I forget

Descending order of oldest to youngest

Time: obviously the oldest, but I don’t think he’s that super old yet. I put him at early 30s at the youngest, mid-30s at oldest. However he was born to be 50 years old so he comes off as such. Definitely knows wood working and dreams about redoing the shingles on the ranch’s roof. (They’re getting so BAD just let him FIX IT Malon, he’s faced off with the moon he can fix a ROOF by himself)

Warriors: 23-24, but always at least one year older than twilight (he likes to boast about it. Twilight couldn’t care less.) maybe sounds a bit younger than his actual age though.

Twilight: 22-23, always a year younger than Warriors. He’s had about 6 or so years since his journey, and while he’s done well to heal from it, there’s lingering pains in his heart. No matter how old he gets tho, he still hates big crowded places.

Alright for the rest of these I should state this: I think everyone is 18+ EXCEPT for Hyrule, Wind and Four. Idk it just feels right to me :]

Sky: 20, the sleepiest 20 year old you’ll ever meet. I think he’s taken up assistant teaching at the academy when he visits Skyloft. It’s only been about 3 years since his journey, but he’s doing alright, don’t mind the constant melancholy he carries in his gaze he’s fine, he’s fine, really!

Wild: 19. Technically, he should be 22 if we’re accounting for the TOTK year gap (I think it’s 5 years) but if we’re talking before TOTK but post BOTW, I think he’s about 19 or so. Still has not figured out how to work a proper stove.

Legend: 19, Acts way older than he seems. He likes to present this image of being an adult and whatnot, but at the end of the day he’s still kinda a teenager at heart (his childhood was kinda stolen from him.) Rarely let’s anyone bear his burdens for him, even for a short while. (Twilight is on a mission to change this)

Hyrule: 17, the only one who is a minor and not under 15. I think he feels awkward at first being the “middle child” of the younger members but he gets over it. Gets a major growth spurt at 20, don’t know why but it happens.

Four: 14, always a year older than Wind, and it pissed wind off endlessly. Despite being 14, he’s still the shortest and has the most feminine / younger sounding voice (he’s a late bloomer, but he’ll get there one day!) Burnout gifted kid.

Wind: 13. Baby, group baby little man tiny guy. He’s so fucking mad about his young age dude. And while the others haven’t necessarily babied him for it, there’s definitely an air of delicacy and kindness they show him that’s usually given to kids. But when he re-enacts how he killed his Ganondorf on an enemy, they tone it down a bit.

This morphed into some side headcanons as well but eh it’s fine

[m4ndysk4nkovich]

fiona gallagher and debbie gallagher.

something i’ve noticed in the shameless fandom is that some (a lot of) people hate debbie and love fiona, and others hate fiona and love debbie. what honestly confuses me is why more people don’t love them both so much?

so, to start off- they both share three important things about their characters. grew up/matured far too quickly, constantly self-destruct, and are the only girls. these three things make it so that they’re more similar, but also make it so that they are always fighting with eachother and the fandom is always putting them against eachother.

in fiona’s case, she had no choice but to grow up too quickly. actually, that’s the case for every gallagher, but especially her, since she was first, and the second that lip was born (when she was 5) she became a mother. she had no choice, it was either raise her siblings, or let them die. she further started self-destructing by having sex at a young age, and once she started doing that she did it frequently, to the point where she connected it to her worth. she got into toxic relationships, and jumped from relationship to relationship without every catching a break (that’s a direct quote from shameless) and throughout the show, fucks herself over whenever things are going well. for example, going on a bender while on probation. and, a lot of the people who hate her (irl and in the show) are misogynist’s or people who don’t bother to understand her well enough to hate her.

in debbie’s case, she grew up too fast also not by choice, except there came a point where she started to mature quicker on purpose when she no longer needed to act 23 at 13. one of her first lines is, “you’re almost nine, carl. you’re going to need to start pulling your weight.” she’s a year older than him so clearly she has already done her part and stepped up, and throughout the first two seasons you see her acting so mature, yet so childish. she goes from kidnapping a child to innocently playing with a baby doll and naming her “gin-gin”. then, there comes a point where fiona has taken legal guardianship of the kids, and has a good job. she has an opportunity to relax, but she doesn’t. debbie is traumatized, and abandoned, and scared, so she confides in the comfort she’s seen work for her older sister, older guys. she dresses a certain way, sleeps with a twenty year old guy (whatever your thoughts are on that situation doesn’t matter in this case), and ends up getting herself pregnant and carrying the child to term. this is all pure self-destruction. then she continues to self-destruct, ruining friendship’s, relationship’s, even her bond with her family members. all of her hurt and trauma from childhood led her straight into the depths of hell. and what’s one of the major reasons she’s hated in the show and in real life? you guessed it! because she’s a woman. and like her sister, another reason she’s hated is because people refuse to read into her character and only see what’s on the surface.

fiona and debbie are two hurt girls who didn’t recieve enough love and so they self-destructed. but, do you want to know the most ironic thing? that’s what every single gallagher ever has done.

frank is a drunk and a drug addict who never bothered to attempt to recover, even when it was for his kids, and even when it was for himself.

lip is an alcoholic who has purposefully ruined his relationships and his schooling just because. he, unlike his father, has tried to recover, but fails.

ian also ruins his relationships to destruct himself, and like his sisters, starting having sex with older guys at a young age. we even see him burn himself “just to feel something”. in ian’s case, though, he gets a happy ending. not everybody really gets that.

carl doesn’t self-destruct as much, but at one point with kelly, he did. he gave up on west point, he gave up on becoming a cop, he gave up on everything and just decided to work at fast food until the alcoholism, substance abuse, and mental illness came to him.

liam honestly didn’t get the time to destruct himself… he was so young throughout the entire show. however, there was that part where he found this potential family for him that were all black and related to monica, and he felt seen by them. but then he robbed them all and ruined it. i’m not sure this really counts as much, though.

but the boys never get as much criticism, because why would they. they’re boys.

fiona and debbie should feel more connected. when fiona leaves, debbie takes on her role and tries to hold everything together, but instead, everything falls apart. debbie has really always wanted to be like fiona, and i always see people on tiktok saying “debbie’s really trying to be fiona💀” and shit, but it’s honestly true, she is like her. just not in the best ways.

anyways, that’s my rant. i have more to say but this is all that’s really important.

[piovascosimo]

the blur thing is making me insane, and it is maybe hard for people from the outside to get it. but picture this, a 16 year old starts getting into a band in 97, then goes crazy about them when they release a masterpiece a couple of years later but we were still mostly offline back then, access to things was so limited. my first email is from 98 but back then we didn't have internet at home or even a good computer. i used to listen to music on cds, waiting all day for mtv to show one video, and here in brasil they've always privileged awful american bands like 'faith no more', and 'rhcp', ugh. i was thinking beetlebum, but i am pretty sure it was 'country house' or 'the universal', that first appeared to me late at night at some point, that is why i went and bought blur/blur when it came out in 97. i still remember the store and the act of me buying it, that spark of energy that you could feel back then, oh i think this is for me. when 13 came out i was in love with them enough to not need visuals for it, but i used to buy 4th gen copies of concerts via mail order from a pirating store in são paulo. it was so hard to come by any kind of content. finally by the early aughts we got the early (good) internet, some official dvds, and we could illegally download so many great music, buy on ebay old magazines, and discover every single hidden blur song that they ever made, but what i was really excited about were the new songs, the new album. and then i find out via a shitty webcam that graham was out of the band. i understand now that it was a hard time for everyone, but i couldn't help and really resent them for leaving graham behind. it was so depressing, it felt like getting really into the beatles just as about they were to break up, i picked sides, i was upset, i hated (still resent) that album that sounds nothing like blur (and that hideous banksy cover, barf). it was such a bittersweet feeling, when i finally could get somehow near them, my main reason for me loving the band was cast apart. years went by, every reunion they did felt like a triumph and a step closer to where they were before, i saw them for the first time live in 12, after missing the 09 ones, bc i couldn't afford it. you could feel they wanted to put it right, but often you could tell the wound was still raw. i'm a big fan of the magic whip, the album that graham put together, because he wanted there to be more blur, that think tank wasn't the end. i understand that the way the album was created wasn't 'organic', graham made it happen because he wants to work with damon, he wanted to show they could do it again, and i think he did an amazing job, i think it is a beautiful album. but it was not until now, that i have felt that we've come out at the end of the tunnel, so now i am reading all these interviews of damon talking about their friendship and how important musically it is for graham to be there for blur to be blur. it feels like 23 years later i am getting what i was expecting to get back then. the more i listen to the album, more layers i find about them, their friendship, and it's so fucking nice that damon is finally talking about it too. i guess most people get over their teenage obsessions, i am not 16 anymore, but unlike most bands from that era they've kept growing and growing, they don't want to be stuck to the past anymore than i do (my teenagedooom was the worst). it feels really nice growing up with your favourite band. that is why this feels so joyful, and why i can't stop talking about it. feeling grateful about it.

[why-the-heck-not]

1, 2, 37, and a question you wish someone asked

Thank youu for asking !!

1: Age

23

2: Sexuality

Bi

37: Do you regret quitting any hobbies?

yeees big time. I used to do ballet for like 13 years but quit bc had to change to a different city bc they didn’t have advanced things where I used to go and all my friends quit somewhere at that point, so the last couple years I didn’t rly have friends there. Also I wasn’t like trying to go pro or anything and sort of that was as far I could go with it if I wasn’t rly going to be serious abt it. I think I also got too anxious and self-aware at that point (damn u 16-year-old-me)

96: What's the worst book you've ever read?

Picked this bc I’ve been wanting to rant about Normal People by Sally Rooney for a bit. Maybe it’s not The Worst book I’ve ever read, but it wasn’t good and for the amount of hype it has, it sucked.

My ”review” (if u can call it that) below SPOILERS FOR ”NORMAL PEOPLE” BY SALLY ROONEY

I feel like there was potential there but in the end it just kept repeating the same cycle of them being together and then getting separated. Like it just kept going???? It got old after like 2-3 times.

And there really wasn’t even an attempt made for character building. It was all very surface level and it felt like neither of them actually grew up during the years and got stuck with that high-school level of communication when they in fact were grown ass adults like?? Act like it!!!! What the fuck was the problem there like ,,?? If u want to be together, you can be together; you’re no longer in high-school and ”having to take care of ur social status” (which also is one tired old trope). Literally give us one (1) reason why tf it’s so hard to commit to eachother when u clearly can commit to other ppl?? If the intention was to make the reader frustrated with them, I’d be okay with it if the book gave actual reasons for that. But it didn’t bc it’s all so goddamn one dimensional. The ”they can’t be together bc they’re wired wrong and traumatized and mentally ill” just doesn’t work when you don’t dwell deeper into the underlaying issues. It especially felt like the author just gave up on Marianne’s character at the end and went with the ”oh she was traumatized? That means she has some kinks and that is now her entire personality”.

Also the ending just felt so rushed and I hated it. Nothing got resolved in a real way. The redemption arc? He got to succeed and had some opportunities etc., and she just got the guy and that’s about it. Yes, you could read it like in the beginning he had a loving family but no money, where as in she had money but not the loving family, so in the end they got what they wanted as a kid. But that’s so blah. There was nothing suprising about it. It felt like they both gave up and settled for whoever was left and it wasn’t out of actual love; just the residual feelings from pining after eachother for a million years.

Overall, it just felt pretentious and it didn’t have enough dimension to actually create believable mentally unwell characters. It barely had a plot. I get it from the marketing point of view bc an easy read that has some edgy topics sprinkled with fanfiction tropes, but it just wasn’t good.

(This is just my opinion, don’t let me deter you if I just bashed ur comfort book; you like it and that’s all that matters. Mine is A Little Life, so I’m in no position to judge lmao)

[byebyenicotine]

Grace is a young adult that suffers sleep paralysis disorder. It is weird. Sometimes at 3 am she wakes up unable to move or speak, feeling a huge weight on her body from her toes to her face. This usually lasts for a minute but it feels longer. She is awake but she can’t move her fingers, or even shout for someone to wake her up. It’s random. It doesn’t happen every day, or every year, but when it happens is for a couple of nights. As soon as she has one, the next day fears to fall asleep.

🦇 💩 😜

BAT SHIT CRAZY

The Director’s Girlfriend Cut

Grace opens a new browser in the desktop computer at the reception. She types Craigslist, clicks on casual encounters and posts an ad. She giggles as she types “Lamb in search for a lion.” And on the message writes: Looking for a play date for naked twister. No creeps. Hits send and hears a loud motor near by. Then the steps of someone. A biker comes swinging a large gun and wearing a dodgers baseball cap. He asks her: “Where is the slut?” Grace did nothing but answer: “Room 13.” It was the only room occupied. She didn’t know if the woman that check in earlier was his wife, but she wasn’t going to compromise her well-being; after all, he looked like and acted like a temperamental caveman with a huge gun. She just answer the truth: “Room 13.” Grace is smart like that.

The guy who looks like the gang leaders of the Hell Angels, walks to the room abruptly stops at Room 13, lights-up a cigarette and kicks the door down. Sees his wife, a 30 something blonde amazonian woman in four with a 60 year old has been weightlifter. The biker points the gun and says: “Lift this.” The wife whins and says: “Fuck! Why do you have to be so dramatic?”. He responds: “Are you coming home, baby? The biker and his wife and leave the motel and get on the truck and pass by a white 1995 White Marquis.

In the reception Grace is calling 911 as she is counting the money that she just took from the dead guy in room 13. She liked money, easy money, especially the money she can get of silly old creeps.

Grace: “Hi, there is a dead body, in room 13 at the HeartBreak hotel.” Looks up and sees a man all dress in black. He has style, and everything he is wearing seems expensive. Grace tries to hide the cash in the drawer hoping the guy didn’t see it but it was too late, Gary knows how to pay attention.

He is tall and slender, has wrinkles around his eyes and long curly blond hair. She hangs up the phone and asks him: “Are you Gary, the one that booked the meeting room for this weekend?”. The Heartbreak motel had a quasi “convention center”. In reality it used to be the cafeteria but it never had any clients. No one was at that motel to have a coffee and a club sandwich. The regular clients were close to broke families that wanted to take their kids to Disneyland but couldn’t afford it. And trailer drivers that had long routes and needed a rest on their way for deliveries. And of course people that pay the night only to use it for a couple of hours to do “the dirty”.

Gary: “Yes, that’s me (looks at her name tag) Grace. I’m Gary. Looks confused and guesses right: “Did someone died, Grace?”

Grace: “Yes, I just called the police. Your room is ready, it’s the biggest one we have room 23” and hands him the key. Gary was the only guy that called to reserve a room that day and asked about the “convention center.” He need it for a new business that had to do with the oldest profesión but it was going to upload for millions of people to see. You can guess exactly what was he about.

Gary was born a hustler, but word got around when he started ripping his investors, gambling all the money and moving from town to town. Gary had just enough money to start another shady business. Now he wanted to reclute beautiful young ladies and he knew the most beautiful ones ended up in Los Ángeles. Because he was low in funds he booked it in Anaheim, where this story takes place.

Gary grabs the key and starts walking to his room and turned to Grace and asks her: “Are you going to be here for the weekend, Grace?” Gary does that with women that finds attractive saying their name in almost every sentence.

Grace: “Yes, I work here. Like all the time.” She didn’t like that question, judged him already as a creeper like most man. She looks at her screen and notifications from craigslist are still raining. Closes the tab, and hears sirens near by.

Grace: “The police has arrived, I’ll see you later.” And steps out of the reception and she is wearing an almost see throughout summer dress that looked like lingerie. Gary stares at her long legs and decides to go to his room.

Police arrived to heartbreak hotel. Roy, a Native American cop and Laura, a hispanic bombshell murder detective pull out of the car. Laura starts bitching about how tacky is this motel. It has always given her bad vibes with that sign that the hotel had. It was a big ass neon heart bleeding from a dagger in the middle. Laura says to Roy: “This should be our victim, that sign, why are people so cringe?” Roy doesn’t say anything mostly because he is a regular client that loved the company of lady’s of the night. As he walk he asked to himself if the hot girl was still working there. He had a crush on Grace, like everyone else.

Grace comes out of the reception and says: “The body is in Room 13.”

Chapter 1

Grace is one of those characters that grew up in a foster home. Her foster father had a scar near his left eye, probably from ‘the botched abortion his mom try to have’ she once said to a friend as she gestured with her hand fashioning as a hook. Her foster father, Juan, was an hispanic immigrant who married Violet. They meet years ago on vacation trip to Mazatlán Mexico. Juan was only eighteen, and Violet 31. The vacation never ended, two months later he was already married and living in Henderson, Nevada.

Juan always dreamt of being a father. and they didn’t have to be his own.

Grace has three foster siblings: Rose, Mary and Jesus.

CHAPTER 2

Gary was an odd duck. if one would allow their thoughts to run wild and imagine someone that deserve everything he got, that was Gary. Gary was mental, and knew how to make money. Growing up under the care of Lucia, an italian opera signer that gave up her life in the Opera to raise an angel. She enroll herself community college to take an Early Childhood Education Diploma, so she make her son a king. Dale, the father, was an excellent accountant for the jews in Houston, Texas. He knew how to work those books like nobody else. His affection for Gary was about doing things together, teaching him how to change a tire, took him on Sundays to play tennis, and talk about numbers and how to budget and always have your shit together for tax season. Dale had it togheter and also starting going to agnostic group meetings to see who was really who? And how can we make some business about it.

Gary, as he holds his raquet on his left hand preparing to start the game asks his father: “how many times i have to beat you old man?” Dale answers; “Until you learn how to lo lose.” Gary whispered: “Never.” and dubbed on the air as if he was an action hero. Gary loved his old man, he taught him the most brilliant thing in the world: Critical thought and how to make money with it. It was brilliant. Explain the ABCs Always Be closing, in the age of consumption and capitalism. Life is life that: ready, set, play, match, love. Gary also grew up watching Scarface on tv. No matter at what time he turn on the tv and it was playing he had to watch it. Gary only called one women by “baby”and that was Michel Pfeiffer. Gary stares a you and says to tv screen: “baby, you are a doll.”

There was no internet back on Gary’s young days, so everyone had toys. Gary grew up when the first atari went to market. He also had a dirt bike and went to Karate Clases, he got as far as brown belt, but then in a twist with destiny meet his first love. Her name was Gabriela. He didn’t not know how to approach it so he shower her with gifts. The first day he saw her was outside of a 7eleven, with her friends having liters of waters and chewing gum.” He asked his friends that were on the car with him if someone knew her and one answered: “Yes, she is my cousin.” Gary went all out and sent her a glove-roses-teddy bear arrangement with hand written invitation to meet for romantic purposes. That was it, now Gary had to make money to show Gabriela a good time.

Gary graduated as an Arquitect at 26. Before he graduated he use to party all the time. To fund his lifestyle he was selling on the down low. Anything you want. If this story was being told in todays era the job is like a door dash, but his deliveries included: buzz, smokes, cigarettes and the contacts of the most mortally corrupt girls in town. Soon those kinds of favors started getting more expensive and dangerous. Gary was taking advantage of all the tools the world with internet had to offer. He was making a killing.

Chapter 3

Juan did not met Grace through the foster system. One day when driving with his first wife, Violet saw a 17 year old girl walking on the road. Violet looks at Juan and tells him: “Poor angel, we have to help her.” Violet was older than Juan, and missed the baby train by choice. She is a believer, and whispers her own prayers to her guardian angel. Touches her heart pendant and asks Juan: Can we keep her?”

On the way to the police station Juan asks Grace questions like: “Are you lost?” Grace answers: “no, I escaped” Juan: “Where you in danger? What happened?” Grace looks through the window of the car and told Juan a story of being abducted by some dark creatures. That she was running away from her home because she came from an abusive household, she was an orphan adopted by a crazy couple of christians.

Juan thought that the girl was in that age that would entertain those kinds of thoughts while being under the influence. Maybe she just lost her friends in a rave and wonder off. Juan told Violet and Grace, that maybe today wasn’t the day they will ask help from the authorities. “Most of the time… they only make things worse.” Juan sighs as he makes a turn.

#BATSHITCRAZY

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#shortstory #story #art #writing #poetry #movies #beatnicks #murder #shadowpeople #rave #coachella #freepeople #ye

[soft-blankets108]

Here I introduce my first ever watch through of the hunger games. These notes contain all four movies (not including the prequel because I watched that first in theatres). They’re very much made directed at my friends so I’m mainly just bookmarking them.

Thoughts while watching the hunger games

Movie 1: The Hunger Games

1. I already know who dies so no surprises there

2. Are there only white people in this goddamn movie???

3. Gale is weird

4. What the fuck did Gale do to get his name in there that many times?? Is that just how it works??

5. Peeta(?) seems sweet

6. I know him and Katniss know each other but I don’t know how they know each other

7. The drunk(?) guy seems like a dick but in the way he’ll have a redeemable character arc later on

8. I agree with a random tweet I saw now where they were talking about the importance of Katniss’s role in district 12, how she was honoured because she hunted not because she volunteered

9. Katniss hasn’t even been in the hunger games yet and she’s already traumatized. Who did this to her?

10. Movie ends rather abruptly, I assume because that’s how the book ends

11. The actual games were interesting but I hope they go more into the political side of things (I know they do)

12. Rue’s death was sad but I already knew how she died so nothing new I guess

13. I didn’t know the other guy from district 11 saved Katniss, that’s pretty cool, lessens the divide between districts

14. Peeta was alright, I can see them trying to set up a love “triangle” between gale him and Katniss but I don’t actually like Gale so I don’t care

15. Weirdly enough I like the romance aspects in the movie outside of the relationship with Gale because it’s leaves the audience and the characters questioning what parts of their relationship is real and what is acting

16. Why doesn’t every tribute get their own mentor??? That’s how it worked in the prequel movie. Wonder what changed.

17. I like them calling the Capitals bluff, two victors or no victors

18. The first two or three hunger games movies are apparently leaving Netflix on January 20th (weird time) so glad I decided to watch it now I guess

19. It did feel like there was a bit of explaining throughout the movie like this is what these berries are and the weird wasps. I appreciate it and don’t at the same time.

Movie 2: Catching Fire

1. I’m surprised Katniss even wants to pick up a bow again. But it makes sense that she still hunts.

2. Uhg. Gale is back.

3. Did I mention I didn’t like Gale?

4. Was there a district 13 in the prequel?

5. Oh my god shut the fuck up snow 🙄🙄🙄

6. “This is sacred ground” in reference to the victor village. Ma’am that looks like a dumpster fire.

7. Break because they’re testing the fire alarms in my dorm and I can’t hear shit

8. Cinna, the wardrobe guy. I did not know his name before this moment

9. How often do the hunger games happen? Once a year? Every four years like olympics?

10. “Almost thought that kiss was real”. What the fuck Peeta

11. The…. Mayor(?) of district twelve and Haymitch seem to have the weirdest relationship. They hate each other. They’re coworkers. They seem to get along sometimes?

12. Effie! That’s her name.

13. Okay Peeta and Katniss are kinda cute

14. I’m a lesbian and I would date Peeta what the fuck is Katniss doing thinking about Gale

15. Rue :((((

16. Good for district 11, sad for that guy

17. God Katniss couldn’t sound more like she was reading off of cards

18. Sewing the seeds of rebellion I see

19. Still don’t like Gale even if he is pro-rebellion. He’s just kinda an asshole.

20. Dude this is just like star wars

21. Peeta is a sweetheart

22. NOTHING IN THIS MEDICAL SITUATION IS CLEAN! It’s a miracle Gale doesn’t have like 300 types of infection by now

23. Who’s letting white men over 80 be in charge?? (This is about snow) dudes old as fuck. Reminds me of someone

24. I agree with Haymitch “you could live a hundred lifetimes and never deserve that boy” like yes king go off (said to Katniss about Peeta)

25. Big fan of Peeta being the damsel. “Peeta has to survive, we have to do everything we can to save him” << Katniss

26. Haymitch does seem like a pretty cool guy, the first movie did him dirty

27. Quit kissing Gale girl!!!! You could do so much better

28. Wow what a surprise that Katniss is the female tribute! I’m glad they went through the process of pulling her name anyway, I only wish they had a big bowl with a bunch of pieces of paper with her name on it. Really would build suspense lol

29. I wish to be a non binary person in the hunger games universe. I think it would be funny.

30. Effie is weird. Delusional and also kind of nice?

31. Hey I know that guy

32. I think the horse in this scene is my new favourite character

33. I love Peeta he’s so cool

34. This is the most awkward elevator ride I’ve ever been a part of

35. How and why is there a picture of Rue there?

36. HOLY SHIT KATNISS

37. Effie looking Katniss dead in the eyes and saying “you would have been the most beautiful bride” is so fucking rude. Way to be confident in her skills

38. They removed the chairs from the interview stage like no more standing you did it once

39. Cinna is cool and awesome. There is no way he’s alive by the end of this

40. As someone trained in CPR that fucker is not pushing hard enough on Peeta’s chest, break some ribs man

41. NOT a fan of the blisters they have from the fog. I guess they aren’t fans either

42. Oh good they’re gone just like that

43. Katniss really chose the least good weapon, what happens when she runs out of arrows? I think the only thing worse might be throwing knives

44. No one deserves Peeta, what a sweetheart

45. I like that all the disasters or whatever chase then inwards towards the cornucopia

46. Interesting that they take the bodies out of the arena now

47. Big fan of the jabberjays I like the uses for them

48. Knowing that they both live is confusing (Peeta and Katniss)

49. I like the girl who sharpened her teeth for this, she’s cool

50. I like that we’re actually getting to know the game master for this run

51. Oh my god Gale 🙄🙄🙄

52. Are there no countries outside of panam??? Like at all?

53. Well that was fun, end of catching fire

Movie 3: Mockingjay Pt. 1

1. Interesting opening

2. Soundtrack has been pretty good throughout the movie

3. Where is my boy. I know he’s in the capital but where is he.

4. I Don’t Trust The Rebellion

5. I agree with Katniss about Peeta

6. I kind of hope we see Peeta’s POV from w/in the capital, not because he’s my favourite character but because that would been a great scene. If it’s not in the movie I know there’s some fanfic about it somewhere

7. I like that they’re showing Katniss’s struggles with mental health, adds a sense of realism that would otherwise be missing from the story

8. I wish they had shown more people with physical disabilities, like you’re telling me none of the victors that were chosen had lost an arm or an eye or something

9. Very cool scene in District 12, very tragic but I like how they did the scene

10. Where’s Haymitch at

11. President Snow shut the fuck up challenge

12. I’ve seen this scene before with Peeta on the monitor giving an interview. Better with context lol

13. Rebels were quick to call Peeta a traitor despite the fact that they all know the capitals media is manufactured to portray what they want the audience to see. Of course it’s propaganda.

14. Gale > “maybe he was forced” of fucking course he was?! The fuck? Do they think Peeta is just chatting and supporting the people who nearly got him and Katniss killed for fun??

15. “And my sister gets to keep her cat” ha saw that one coming lol

16. Effie! I kind of like her

17. Can’t believe I actually Haymitch. He at least wouldn’t lie to Katniss

18. I think Effie looks better like this than in her ridiculous outfits

19. God Gale looks so awkward while Katniss and Effie are talking. His face nooooooo

20. Cinna :((((((((((((( fuck

21. What the fuck is this propaganda it’s so stupid

22. She’s not the best actor maybe

23. Haymitch!!!

24. I like BeeTee

25. The absolute audacity the rebellion president has to say that Katniss is an untrained civilian

26. FOGGY NELSON!?!??!??! He can’t fucking speak?!? I must destroy the capital. Foggy my boy what have they done to you

27. They’re gonna bomb that hospital.

28. I’ve seen this speech before

29. I don’t like the rebellion. I want the capital overthrown but Karl Marx is occasionally right and they give me the wrong vibe

30. You always forget how big moose are until you see them. That might be a reindeer.

31. Poor Peeta. I miss him. God he looks terrible. :(

32. The guy from supergirl is also in the filming group. Did they say they wanted sidekicks only? Only in superhero tv shows

33. Oh I like the hanging tree song this is cool

34. The dam blowing up is awesome, I like how they used the song for the scene

35. Can president snow be dead yet

36. Peeta no!!!!!!!! I support his rights and wrongs

37. Awwwww Prim. She went back for the cat. I would’ve gone back for Monte I understand

38. Prim’s gonna be a doctor!!! You go girl! She definitely will live!! (She’s gotten too much character development in this movie)

39. Finnick :(((( (I keep calling him Fennec in my head)

40. How long has district 13 been underground? When were they bombed?

41. Oh the white roses! I kind of love that, it’s really cool. In a snow is sinister and good (bad?) villain

42. Peeta better not die I will kill people.

43. With half an hour remaining (plus credits) I see where you both were coming from, liking it and not liking it

44. I just kind of feel bad for Finnick

45. WHAT

46. THE PRESIDENT JUST ALLOWS PEOPLE TO RAPE THE VICTORS

47. WHAT THE FUCK

48. PRESIDENT SNOW SHOULD FUCKING DIE ALREADY CLUB

49. There’s no way the squad rescuing Peeta succeeds.

50. Finnick really is just talking shit about the president on tv love that for him. He’s not even reading from a script this is just years of anger lol

51. Katniss going “president snow can you hear me” just sounds like the beginning to the most awkward zoom call imaginable

52. President snow reminds me of Count Dooku

53. Katniss :(((((((

54. God I hate the president (rebel edition) she’s so manipulative with everything she says

55. I’m like 90% sure she’s evil

56. Something is not right with Peeta. He looks so hurt and sad and starved. And he’s trying to kill Katniss but go off king idk

57. Peeta no my boy what did they do to my boy my sweet boy

58. All presidents shut the fuck up challenge

59. I like the POV camera angles in this series, they’re very good

60. Is Peeta the guy from five nights at Freddy’s or is that someone else?

61. Overall I did enjoy the movie, it gave the story time to breathe that it desperately needed, a break from most of the action while still keeping it interesting.

Movie 4: Mockingjay Pt. 2

1. Prim!!! I like that they sent her in, Katniss’s family is his family in a lot of ways

2. My boy no :( “she’s a monster, she’s a mutt”

3. The president has bad vibes (rebellion edition) Katniss > “you’ve seen what I can do. Send me to district 2” and her just saying “yes I have” is weird and creepy

4. Shut up about the stupid love triangle bullshit!!! Gale there’s no way you can ever been the one Katniss chooses

5. Gale saying “I don’t think they used any rule book when they highjacked Peeta” in defence of bombing medics and wounded soldiers on the other side is just admitting you’re willing to resort to snow’s level of cruelty

6. I think this is my new favourite way to watch movies, taking notes

7. Also their military force is called the Nut?? Really snow couldn’t come up with anything better than the nut???

8. Gale seems more evil in this movie, just saying I could tell from the beginning. “No one who supports the capital is innocent” Gale what the fuck are you on, your girlfriend(?) childhood best friend literally spoke speeches in support like the fuck

9. I like Katniss’s speech here, when she has a gun to her head she makes her best speeches truly

10. She ain’t dead you fools, she just gets injured every five seconds. Like seriously can this girl stay out of medical for five minutes

11. Snow just really loves poison huh?

12. Johanna is kind of funny, I like her she’s wrong when she says nobody likes her

13. I was scrolling through tumblr and I have never been more into the theory that Peeta is the one more similar to Lucy Gray. They both have that same charisma and kindness.

14. I hate how they’re using Katniss, like they really don’t care what she wants

15. Wedding is cute! Do chairs not exist in district 13?

16. Effie’s dresses up again, I wonder where she got such fancy clothes from

17. I would simply notice someone sneaking around a hanger bay filled with bombs. I’m just better.

18. She’s very bad at being anything close to sneaky, literally getting a crowd to form around her

19. More people of colour in these more recent movies

20. Finnick!!!! In the march on the capital

21. All Katniss wants to do is murder why can’t she murder. It’s just frustrating that she keeps being forced into propaganda when she doesn’t want to be in it

22. One (or more) of these pod things will be triggered, they’ve spoken about them too much for them to not be

23. I like that Gale is trying to help her even though he has no clue what she’s doing

24. Why is Peeta here :( he shouldn’t be in an active war zone he still looks tiny

25. Katniss is not good at lying “I wouldn’t be shooting Peeta, I’d be shooting a capital mutt” like sure girl whatever you tell yourself

26. I like this commander guy, he seems awesome. No I don’t know his name

27. Poor Peeta my guy has been through so much. I feel like he still will try and kill Katniss though. That feels too much like an open thread in the story.

28. Convenient that those pods run out of fuel or whatever

29. Boggs :((( (I learned his name)

30. Foggy Nelson my love looks so awkward in the background of all of these scenes

31. I’m surprised no one slipped on the oily marble staircase, maybe it’s sticky? Or like tar?

32. Okay it’s fucking hilarious that they’re doing the stupid little cannon montage for people who “died” in war against the capital. It’s absolutely ridiculous and so on brand

33. Foggy Nelson my boy no, good for you for coming up with a plan but this feels like a death sentence

34. I saw snows collapsed body on that desk and felt really joy for a moment until he woke up like an asshole

35. Isn’t there something about getting strings of bows wet? Or getting bows wet in general? I feel like I learned that that’s bad for them at some point

36. Dude imagine if they had AI generated images to show Peeta. How fucked up would that be.

37. Imagine the one week you’re in the hunger games you get your period, not only are you most likely going to die but you have to be on your period too. Like that’s fucked

38. What the fuck are those things. They look like little aliens I was expecting something that looked vaguely like an animal

39. Oh no she’s gonna run out of arrows! Seriously she needs to learn how to use another kind of weapon.

40. Peeta is such a damsel

41. Finnicks like for sure dead :((( I miss him already

42. Katniss kissing boys left and right goddamn

43. “Stay with me.” “Always.”

44. Oh no Foggy’s brother died! :(((( (I don’t know his characters actual name).

45. Just under an hour left on the runtime and we’re breaking for lunch

46. Okay let’s do this last hour (I have cookies)

47. It’s funny how both Gale and Peeta think the other is the more significant one to Katniss.

48. She has collapsible arrows!!!! Why didn’t anyone tell me?!

49. They seriously didn’t even put like any makeup on them to sneak into the mansion? Also their outfits should have more colour to properly blend into the crowd

50. Very cool action shots that was great. In the run up to the mansion

51. All that work for nothing huh?

52. I wonder what medic symbol they use to avoid violating the Geneva conventions

53. I miss Finnick

54. SNOW SHUT THE FUCK UP CHALLENGE (this is about snow talking about Prim)

55. I only kind of wish Peeta was here to say one last fuck you to snow (see earlier point about Lucy Gray) but I’m also glad he isn’t because he isn’t in danger lol

56. I love that Haymitch is clearly picking up on the same bad vibes that Katniss is in the scene with the last victors and the interim president

57. Oh my god kill yourself coin, I get why Katniss murders her now she’s just another snow

58. Haymitch votes with her! Besties!

59. I don’t like how coin pronounces Panem. Pen-em

60. Yes kill her ass!

61. Oh Paylor!!!! She’s awesome big fan I hope she wins the election that’d be fun

62. Omg Haymitch and Effie! I knew I picked up something about their relationship

63. Poor cat and poor Katniss :((

64. Awww the letter from Annie is so cute. She’s a sweetheart

65. Yay for democracy!

66. I like how Katniss curls up against Peeta, just makes herself at home in his bed because it implies they’ve done this a hundred times before <3

67. Peeta only asks real or not real questions to Katniss which I think shows how much he trusts her even when he’s not fully himself

68. The ending is very cute! I like that the little boy has the same hair as Peeta

69. The end :) final thoughts: uh I did like them which I always knew I would. I think I didn’t watch it earlier because of 1) lack of interest, just wasn’t really relevant in my life I guess and 2) don’t like going into something knowing that half the characters die y’know? I combated that by looking up who dies before watching the movie. Happy I watched it, maybe I’ll read the books? I don’t not want to read them but I’ll have to find them first lol. I think I got a pretty unique perspective having seen the prequel first and none of the others, it’s interesting to see how even after Lucy Gray is gone, her music lives on. And just the little bits and pieces where you can see references to her and snow’s past.

[lilnasxvevo]

I think that the characters in the live action are older at the start of the story than they are in the book—based on how they act I’d be pretty unwilling to believe Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng, or Lan Wangji are younger than about 17 in the Cloud Recesses, even considering that kids in the past were expected to shoulder more responsibility at earlier ages and considering the fact that Xichen worries out loud that Wangji has grown up too fast. Several months pass (I think it’s either 6 months or a year?); the lectures end; the Wen indoctrination begins and the Cloud Recesses and Lotus Pier both fall probably less than a month apart. The Sunshot Campaign begins: at this point it’s very likely that the three I mentioned above, who are all presumably very close in age, are at least 18 by now. The Sunshot Campaign lasts for an indeterminate amount of time, but I’ve seen “eh, like 2 years” as an answer a few times, so let’s go with that: they’re 20. Enough time passes for everyone related to or associated with the Qishan Wen to be slaughtered or shuffled into labor camps. Sects start to rebuild; enough time passes for things to get very very bad in the camps; Phoenix Mountain Hunt happens. Wei Wuxian is probably 21 by now. Enough time passes in the Burial Mounds for Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan to conceive a baby (I forget his name…Just kidding, it’s our boy Jin Ling!) whose 100 day celebration sets off a chain of events that…yknow.

Wen Yuan is about 2 years old for most of the Burial Mounds, and may be 2 or 3 by the time Wei Wuxian dies at age 22 or 23.

So the answer to the question I sort-of-raised in my previous post about what the “age difference” between Wei Wuxian and A-Yuan would be if you don’t count his time spent dead towards his age would be 4-5 years assuming the show canon’s 16 year time-skip. But I’ve seen people say that he’s 23-ish when he dies so per book canon the age difference would be (concentrates really hard so I don’t fuck up basic addition) 7-8 years.

So in my “Wei Wuxian gets frozen” AU, going with 13 years because I generally prefer it in fic that blends the two canons, when Wei Wuxian gets thawed out, A Yuan is 16-ish, Wei Wuxian is 23-ish, and Lan Wangji is 36-ish.

Like I said this AU would be very interesting to me but I think it would also be kinda awkward and painful because so much about Wangxian has always been about them being perfect equals and I think that them being very close in age is part of that. I think they’d still manage to get together in the end but there’s weirdness there and I think Lan Wangji would manage to feel guilty about the age difference because Lan Wangji feels guilty a lot about lots of things.

[the-peoples-pariah]

I'm gonna be so real, I went from being a 2013 bookblr John Green stan to being a John Green hater, to eventually ironically stanning John Green to being a 2023 John Green stan, all in the span of a decade. I think that everyone has a constant in their life, whether it's their bond with their sister or their love for football. I think mine is my complicated relationship with Looking For Alaska. Genuinely, that book changed my life in so many radical and contradicting ways.

When I first read it I didn't get it. But of course I didn't. I was 13. I didn't get anything. I think also at the time I was living in the place of Pudge. I was a loser who idolised and fell in love with these wild mysterious esoteric girls who definitely had hard times at home, harder than mine. And I was too stupid and naive to understand that the way they acted was caused by an unfair childhood. I think in hindsight the people that hated on John Green novels back in the day had too much in common with his protagonists, and that was the problem. I sometimes look back at some of the critiques (some valid) and they're all from other people who were my age at the time, 12-16 year olds who, like myself, found it hard to find empathy for the girls in those books. They didn't understand why Hazel was so dramatic, they didn't understand why Alaska was so mean or why Margo caused so many problems for the people around her. And I think that'd purely because we didn't get it. We were assuming the exact same positions as Q and Pudge and completely missing the point. Traumatised people don't always act in the perfect ways that you want them to, and when the romantic expectation that you crafted gets broken, you can't just vilify them for that.

I didn't understand the point either, not until I was in the position of an Alaska Young myself. Once I drunkenly posted to my Instagram story "you either die a Pudge or you live long enough to become an Alaska" and I do stand by it. Many things happened after my 13 year old bookblr days. Dropped out of school, attempted, got hospitalised, etc. I even talked to a nurse in the hospital who, after i told her I wanted to go to university, was telling me "if you get out of here you'll probably just end up waitressing for the rest of your life". I was too distracted by the fact that it felt like that one scene from Paper Towns to be too offended by it.

But the craziest thing is how people treat me now. Especially romantic partners. The people I date seem enthralled by my problems. I've had girls say that my trauma makes me "funny" and "interesting". I had a girl say my OCD compulsions were "adorable idiosyncrasies". I've had girls look me in the eye and tell me that I'm too pretty to have wanted to die. I had a girl tell me that everything I've been through is "worth it" because now I'm so cool and mature. All I could ever think was "you haven't got a fucking clue". Eventually it did dawn on me:

Oh my God, I've become Alaska Young.

I'm not quite sure how to escape all of this now that I'm here, I don't know if anyone will ever treat me like a normal person. And I'm not quite sure that the way out of this labyrinth is straight and fast, I'd like to think there's some alternative. But I'm 23 now and I still find so much comfort in Alaska. I'm going to do my masters in contemporary lit this year and I'm so hyped to perhaps write my dissertation about her in some way. She means so much to me as a character and you wont read this but I'm so glad that you've made your comeback to Tumblr in a small way.

Thank you for writing Looking For Alaska. Thank you thank you thank you

It is a very strange experience to have tens of millions of people like your work and then later have tens of millions of people hate your work. I cannot fully recommend the experience–although as miseries go, it is certainly a minor one–but for me, personally, it was hard. I often handled it poorly, and I feel a lot of regret about that, but I also think it’s a hard thing to navigate.

For a long time, I thought I wouldn’t write again. Writing leaves you so vulnerable, like a patient etherized upon the table, as Eliot put it. And being vulnerable sucked. But then it turns out that not being vulnerable–shielding yourself behind endless layers of ironic detachment and feigned coolness–also sucks. It removes you from the reality of others’ suffering, and makes you think that only certain kinds of problems are really real and worthy of attention, and maybe even that only certain kinds of people are really real and worthy of attention. 

So in the end I decided to go back to writing with much MORE vulnerability instead of less. In Turtles All the Way Down, I wrote as close to the bone of my own mental illness as I could get. And in The Anthropocene Reviewed, I wrote about myself for the first time, my way of looking at the world and the people I love in it.

I don’t know if my work has gotten better or worse as a result of the weird trip I went on, but the big lesson from those strange days for me is that if I must choose between being cold to the reality of feeling and being cringe, I always want to be cringe. I want and need to write because it is my way of understanding myself, because, just as with reading stories, writing them is an “axe to break up the frozen see within us,” to borrow a very good line from Kafka. 

I am so grateful to have been read so generously by so many people. The hard things that come with that gig took over my life for a while, but these days I’m able merely to be grateful, and overwhelmed, and astonished. So anyway if you’ve ever read one of my books, thanks. I don’t say that enough. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

[biggayforbellaswan]

Twilight x Reader Prompts

1. “Don’t fucking touch her/him/them”

2. “She/They/He is not yours to control”

3. “You imprinted on me and planned on keeping it a secret?” “Sounded like a good plan at the time.”

4. “So I see you’ve met my Dad huh?”

5. “Stop. What the hell are you talking about?”

6. “I didn’t want to be this way.”

7. “I didn’t want this life for you.”

8. “You imprinted on (insert name)? Do you have a death wish?”

9. “I want to be like you. Please.”

10.  “How can you love me? I’m a monster.”

11. “Back away. Now”

12. “Come back to bed. The world can have you tomorrow.”

13. “Do we have a problem?” “No, but I can make one if you want.”

14. “Let me braid your hair.”

15. “Toxic masculinity at its finest.”

16. “We’re not blood related.”

17. “I promise I won’t hurt you.”

18. “I’m not the person you think I am”

19. “Take it easy, you lost a lot of blood.”

20. “Everything I did was to protect you.”

21. “Ever since I first laid eyes on you, nothing else mattered except keeping you safe.”

22. “Why do you smell like a wet dog?”

23. “You deserve to live a happy and fulfilling life.” “I don’t want it if it’s not with you.”

24. “Did she/he/they hurt you?”

25. “This is what I get for thinking someone like you could love someone like me.” “What’s that supposed to mean?”

26. “I’m sorry that I’m not her.”

27. “You ignored me for days on end while I was worried sick about you, and all you have to say about it is that you’re sorry? I’m sorry (insert name here) but you’ll have to do better than that.”

28. “You know it’s not like that. You know I can’t control it”

29. “After all we’ve been through and you treat me like this? I have to admit, this is a new low even for you.”

30. “Why do you act like you hate me”

31. “What did I do to you to make you want to make my life a living hell?”

32. “Life is a lot easier if Rosalie likes you.”

33. “I’m a vampire.” “I didn’t know we were 5 years old and playing make believe.”

34. “You have 5 seconds to back away before things turn ugly.”

35. “Charlie doesn’t quite understand, but he has the spirit.”

36. “So, can you still see your reflection, or was that all a lie?”

37. “I’ve been waiting for this ever since I’ve met you.”

38. “It doesn’t have to be this way. I can make this work. I can be better for you, just please let me try.”

39. “Is this like a Tim Burton situation?” “I’m not sure who that is, but most likely, yes”

40. “How did you get in here?” “You left your window open.”

41. “If you don’t love me, please just tell me”

42. “Edward Cullen? Really?”

43. “You have got to stop telling people that we’re together, I think Jessica Stanley wants to commit a crime against me.”

44. “You know how hard it is to say no to Emmett”

45. “I just wanted to try something daring. I wanted to feel alive for the first time in my life.”

46. “I could’ve lost you.” “But you didn’t. I’m still here”

 47. “What if they don’t accept me?”

48. “I got invited, you should come with me.” “Oh, uh, I would but I don’t think that’s a good idea.” “Why?” “They’ll probably kill me.”

49. “Have you been here the whole time?” “I had to make sure you were okay, I don’t trust him.”

50. “I love you.” “Well that’s stupid thing for you to do.”

You can send in a maximum of 2 prompts for each character!!!

Twilight Characters I Write For: Edward Cullen, Jacob Black, Bella Swan, Rosalie Hale, Alice Cullen, Emmett Cullen, Jasper Hale, Seth Clearwater, Leah Clearwater, Embry Call

Please Send in Requests!!!

[haikyuuwaifu]

Boys With Luv Master*

Genre: Crack, Drama, Humor, Mild Angst, NSFW (during Part ii)

F Reader x Multi

Y/N L/N is an athletic trainer recently moved back to Japan after spending 6 years in the U.S. As much as she loves her friends; what she can’t handle is their constant need to “find her a man”. Join Y/N as she navigates her way through dealing with ex-boyfriends, old crushes, and new found love interests; all while trying to navigate her life in Japan and finishing her athletic trainer qualifications. 

Who’s ready for this fucking circus?

A/N: The storyline itself will be broken into 2 parts like “Broke Me First”. It will start with Y/N in first year, then second, then third and end there. Then a part 2 will come out with a time-skip and Y/N moving back to Japan.

Boys With Luv Pt I: First Year Mayhem

Prologue: Breaking up is hard to do Introductions: Nekoma Cool Cats Introductions

1. Kuroo + Y/N 2. Volley manager tings 3.Yaku + Kai get sus 4. Kuroo’s sus behavior 5. Caught in the Act 6.Blind Date for Y/N 7. Blind Date for Y/N 2 8.  Volleyball Training Camp i 9. Training Camp ii 10.  Y/N has a date  11. Yuji + Y/N 12. Nekoma V Nohebi| 13. Kuroo + Daishou rivalry begins 14.Johzenji tea  15. The boys tell Y/N 16. Mika + Kaori+ Yukie take a trip

Boys with Luv Pt II: Second Year Shenanigans

Introductions: Sailor Scouts Intro| Y/N Fan Club Into  17. Secret Admirer 18. The boy from Miyagi  19. Daichi + Y/N 20. Long Distance 21. Y/N plans a surprise 22. The Battle of The Trash Heap 23.  RIP Daichi  24. Running into Old Friends 25. Girls Trip to Hyogo 26. Hyogo Hotties 27. Tsumu Shoots His Shot 28. New Y/N Club Members

Boys with Luv Pt III: Third Year Chaos Introductions: Hot Girl Summer Babes| Y/N’s bitches| The Idiotic Trio 29. Trip to Tokyo 30. Y/N’s Harem 31. Bokuto Centric 32. Daishou Centric 33. Sakusa Centric 34. Osamu Centric 35. Suna Centric 36. Iwaizumi Centric 37. Do you like them? 38. The Party 39. I’m sorry 40. We’ll wait for you 41. Goodbye

Part IV: Back At it Again (Time skip: 8 years) Introductions: Y/N’s support group| Pro players + Iwa

42. Athletic Trainer Y/N returns 43. Welcome back bitch 44. The Catch up game 45. Surprise baby 46. We love you dumbass 47. We’re never letting go 48. No more wasted time 49. Let us show you 50. Room for 1 more? 51. New game plan 52. Get ya mans 53. Trouble in paradise? 54. Step up or Step out 55. Boys With Luv <3

@dabilove27 @amberisnotcrazy @elianetsantana @iloveyouasmuchaspoohloveshoney

[woulddieforperrytheplatypus]

What're some of your favorite moments between Doof and Perry during Phineas and Ferb?

You have absolutely no idea how fucking long I spent making this video fhdsjahkjaf I’m gonna gush under the cut about why I liked each one so y’all don’t have to deal with me if you don’t want to lol

These are in no particular order. They’re just numbered to line up with the reasoning. I added lil descriptions to each of them but you’ll probably have to either watch the video first or have a pretty good memory of the show to understand them lol

1. “Dr. Wexler, you’re a platypus?” (A Hard Day’s Knight)

Literally just the way he says, “Dr. Wexler, you’re a platypus?”

2. “Is every platypus named Perry?” and then Perry bites him (AT2D)

M O N C H (also Heinz calls him cute) (also also “We do not bite the elderly!”)

3. Perry tries to fly him and Heinz home from the desert but Heinz flips the turbo switch and they lose the jetpack (Road to Danville)

“Like you didn’t know about my switch-flipping compulsion!” They’re literally an old married couple omfg I can’t even (also moment of appreciation for the fact that they’re close enough that Heinz just assumes Perry knows about his switch-flipping compulsion) (another moment of appreciation because Perry probably does)

4. The end of the Perry/Doof subplot of Terrifying Tri-State Trilogy of Terror

First of all, the way Perry decides to run under his giant floating head when going around would take two extra seconds? Beautiful. And, of course, Perry’s fucking smirk because that’s just not his problem lmaooo

5. The pause in the FIGHT FIGHT IT’S A PLATYPUS FIGHT (Doofapus)

I love that they literally just stop mid-fight to have tea. I firmly believe there is no other pair of nemeses that would do that and this is just how Heinz and Perry work. Also, Perry’s smile? He feels so understood? It’s so pure?

6. Vanessa lets Perry in before he can break down the door with his rocket launcher and then Perry accidentally shoots it through the wall (My Sweet Ride)

“This is why I can never have anything nice -_-”

7. Heinz doesn’t trap Perry (Road to Danville)

He’s so confused fjdahfksdhfak he literally goes out of his way to get trapped at that point (even if he pretends he doesn’t) and Heinz flipped the script on him without telling him and his lil shrug is so cute and I just jsfhkjadhsk

8. There’s a Platypus Controlling Me (Brain Drain)

You had to know this one was gonna be there

9. “In your letters, you said your nemesis was a suave, semi-aquatic personification of unstoppable dynamic fury” (Oil on Candace)

The fact that Heinz sent his ex-professor a letter gushing about his nemesis is just *chef’s kiss*

10. Perry and Dennis are fighting in giant puppets in the street and Heinz recognizes Perry piloting the puppet because of his fighting style (The Return of the Rogue Rabbit)

I’m pretty sure this is the only time Heinz ever recognizes Perry without his hat on (correct me if I’m wrong tho) and the fact that it’s literally just because Perry punched the fuckin camera kills me every time

11. Heinz is worried they won’t make his play in time so Perry tells him to flip the turbo switch (Road to Danville)

Perry just trusts him so much??? Flipping the switch was what got them into that mess in the first place??? But Perry cares so much about Heinz making his LOVEMUFFIN play that he’s willing to give it another go??? I love it???

12. DANCE BABY DANCE BABY HANDS IN THE AIR (Candace Disconnected)

I feel like we don’t get to see Perry just kinda hanging out like that a lot. He’s always doing that steely glare, even when they’re having fun. I don’t think Perry really realizes how emotionless he can look sometimes (the beginning and end of Sidetracked are from Perry’s POV especially at the end, the way he acts with the boys shows too much character for a secret agent, so even though he seems to think it’s obvious that he’s all lovey dovey with them, he does much too good a job at hiding his emotions) but it’s nice to see him drop the facade every now and then

13. Heinz calls Monogram because Perry hasn’t shown up (Perry the Actorpus)

I know Perry’s not technically in this one but I love that Heinz a) calls OWCA when Perry doesn’t show up and b) looks so nervous as he calls OWCA because Perry hasn’t shown up

14. Perry brings Heinz a glass of water (Road to Danville)

Half this episode is just them being mad at each other because they blame the other one for sticking them in the desert with way home, and I love that even though Perry’s been fuming pretty much the entire time, the second Heinz actually starts yelling at him, he’s immediately hit with a wave of guilt (also I love that he somehow found a glass of water in the middle of the desert?)

15. “YOU PEED ON MY COUCH!” (AT2D)

Not gonna lie, I mostly picked this one for shits and giggles BUT that doesn’t mean I can’t overanalyze it because that’s what I do best. Perry’s whole role in the show is to tie together the two completely unrelated plots, and that’s only so entertaining because not only does neither side know the other, but neither side knows what version of Perry the other side knows. This is the first time Heinz has really connected mindless pet Perry with Agent P Perry, and I feel like that was the most interesting part of the movie was that Phineas, Ferb, Candace, and Heinz all saw a side of Perry they didn’t know. 

16. Heinz invites Perry out for lunch (The Quietest Day Ever)

Heinz doesn’t even know he got hit with the de-handsome-inator. He literally just thinks he lost, and his immediate reaction is to ask if Perry wants to hang out. I just love those lil insights into their relationship when they’re not fighting. Also, perry.exe has stopped working.

17. Honestly just all of Father’s Day

I hate knowing that chronologically, Father’s Day had to happen probably less than halfway through the summer and not towards the end like it does in the episode order. It’s such a sweet turning point in their relationship. Perry’s head all these horrible backstories about Mr. Doofenshmirtz and I can only assume he hates the guy, but he’s still so supportive of Heinz trying to win his approval -- and he’s supportive when that fails and Heinz needs someone to lean on.

18. Perry Lays An Egg

T H W A R T   M E   P E R R Y   T H E   P L A T Y P U S 

19. Heinz proving he knows how to shut the fuck up by refusing to shut the fuck up (Road to Danville)

Perry’s literally about to fight a bitch and I can’t blame him. I also like the lil look into Heinz’s thoughts with the “it’s not like I have to fill the space” line because it really explains a lot about him.

20. Perry waiting for the New Year’s ball to drop and for Heinz to finish his scheme (Happy New Year!)

Once again, a beautiful look at how their entire relationship is based on their routine and knowing what to expect. It wouldn’t be Heinz and Perry if there was not punching and kicking involved. (Also, Perry’s smug face while he waits) (Also also, Perry’s lil shrug)

21. Heinz invites Perry to hang out in his house in the suburbs (Put That Putter Away)

GIVE PERRY A DAY OFF (but for real I love that Heinz literally just asked if he wanted to hang out, AND that he assured Perry that he’d make sure he didn’t get in trouble with Monogram for it)

22. The end of Sidetracked

THEY? HOLD? HAND???

23. “The thing that’s kept me from succeeding all these years is YOU!” *turns finger around* (Road to Danville)

PERRY IS SO DONE WITH HIS SHlT I CAN’T FDJAFHDJLSFHDSAKJ

24. Roger tries to say hi to sleeping Perry (Just Our Luck)

How often does Perry have to fall asleep around Heinz for the guy to know he gets testy when someone wakes him up?

25. The brief New Year’s dance break (Happy New Year!)

THEIR DANCING IS SO FAST AND SO IN SYNC EITHER THEY REHEARSED THIS OR THEY JUST KNOW EACH OTHER SO WELL THAT IT JUST HAPPENS NATURALLY AND I WOULD DIE FOR THEM OKAY

26. Perry accidentally became famous for advertising tools and then shows up at DEI (Perry the Actorpus)

He’s so happy to see his nemesis again :,)

27. “You think I’m evil, right?” *finger guns* (Oil on Candace)

Perry is at least partially responsible for how horribly that day went, but that’s his job is to make sure evil scientists don’t impress other evil scientists. You don’t want, like, an evil scientist team up or whatever. But I’m decently sure there’s nothing in the job description that says Perry has to stick around and assure his nemesis that he’s good at being evil, so that’s all Perry’s doing.

28. Perry pulled an all nighter and shows up at DEI asleep and Heinz has to try not to wake him up (Just Our Luck)

The amount of respect it takes for Heinz to see his nemesis sleeping on the job and go out of his way not to wake him up (but to make sure he’s still included, of course; he’s not a disrespectful guy, even if he is evil) warms my heart

29. Perry shows Heinz a bunch of their pictures together (This Is Your Backstory)

a) I love that Perry carries those pictures in his wallet 

b) I love that those pictures exist at all

 c) I love that Heinz has enjoyed his nemesisship with Perry so much that it basically negates every tragic backstory

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: The Anime (pt. 1)

I could go on and on about these two and I think I will, just because I don’t often see people talk about the analysis behind them. The meta I have seen about them has included a perspective that equaled the anime and the manga and I don’t think that’s an accurate way of viewing their relationship.

The anime is a different species than the manga, something that frequently happens during the adaptation from page to screen. Since they’re so different, I’ll analyze them separately.

There's going to be many parts to this so I'll keep a table of contents right here so people can more easily navigate (though you can also read through the "let's talk about natsumikan: the anime" tag on my blog):

Anime Analysis

Part 1: Exposition & Episode 7

Part 2: Episodes 8, 9, 10, & 11

Part 3: Episodes 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, & 17

Part 4: Episodes 18 & 19

Part 5: Episodes 20, 21, & 22

Part 6: Episodes 23, 24, 25, & 26 & Conclusion

The anime makes changes, as anime adaptations often do. The most outstanding changes are appearance related, as Natsume now has brown eyes instead of red, in addition to other characters who have hue-shifted eyes and hair. But there are also story changes, and I’ll be focusing on the changes that occur, specifically in regards to Natsume and Mikan and their relationship.

For one, their relationship starts evolving much earlier in the anime. I think it’s pretty undeniable that in the anime, Natsume started liking Mikan at the end of the dodgeball game. That scene never happened in the manga, but in the anime, it’s a crucial step in making sure nothing seems too sudden or forced.

The anime is 26 episodes long. If Natsume only starts liking Mikan after she saves him during the Reo Arc, then we’re already halfway through the show when positive feelings between the two appear. On the other hand, the feelings develop more slowly in the manga because there’s more time to properly develop the relationship in a more drawn out way.

My analysis will start with the anime, because it’s shorter and easier to discuss.

Exposition

It’s impossible to say that the anime was completely loyal to the manga. It very frequently couldn’t be, because it needed to fill in time in episodes or give closure early before the manga even addressed it (Natsume’s backstory in the anime, for instance, is vaguely referred to and implies deviation from the manga).

The most obvious difference between the manga and the anime from the get-go is visual. Not only do they have differing art styles (I don’t dislike the anime style but Higuchi Tachibana’s art style is so distinct and unmistakable while the anime’s isn’t so unique), but the setting is also different.

While the manga started in the depth of winter, the anime starts off in summer/fall. It always struck me as odd that while the first page of the manga has Mikan running after Hotaru in full winter-wear, the anime starts off warm and idyllic. You could almost think of that as a general warning for the difference between the anime and the manga. After all, while the anime has a reputation for being a cutesy and upbeat story about friendship and magical powers, the manga is much darker and discusses many morbid and depressing themes that can and WILL fuck you up. Warm vs. cold seems like an accurate difference, though I don’t think that was intentional.

We see way more of the village life in the anime, including Mikan’s efforts to keep the school from closing. This is a welcome change because Mikan’s passion to keep the school open is nothing compared to her friendship with Hotaru, and even after the school is saved, she runs away to see her friend, even if it means she goes to another school. The manga doesn’t imply that Mikan knew already about the school’s fate, and since she is always so preoccupied with Hotaru anyway, we don’t really get the impression that she cares very much. To Anime!Mikan, Hotaru is more important than saving the school, something she was so passionate about she rallied to get signatures. It’s an extra scene to prove just how much Hotaru matters to Mikan, and to show even more how selfless Hotaru was to go to Alice Academy, since she knew how much the school mattered to Mikan.

“Sign my petition to get a Gakuen Alice anime reboot!!!”

My boy Natsume is only introduced properly in the second episode, when we actually see his face and he speaks. His appearance is different from the manga’s too. I’m not sure if this was to appeal to a younger audience or what, but Natsume’s eyes are changed to brown instead of their iconic red, something that was always my biggest peeve about the anime adaptation. His hair is also somewhat purplish instead of entirely grey/black and, although this does bother me a lot less than the eyes, I wonder why they made this change when other characters have black hair. It might have been to differentiate him from Hotaru, another main character with black hair, though I’ve never had issue in the manga telling them apart.

His first interaction with Mikan is a lot more pleasant in the anime than in the manga, although that’s not really saying anything. Mikan’s skirt simply falls off and Natsume draws attention to it, rather than the unpleasant events that took place in the manga. This different event makes it a lot easier to support a relationship between the two of them right off the bat. They are still antagonistic but it’s not as terrible as it is in the manga. This makes it easier to establish romantic feelings earlier on, and might have been changed in order to achieve just that, or possibly also to appeal to a younger audience. Maybe both? Who knows.

“You can’t sit with us!”

With Natsume presented the way he is in the anime, it’s easier to make the claim that he’s simply a good guy who acts the way he does to protect people. And it’s true! He is! But he is also so much more. In the manga, he’s a more complicated character. Although he is a good person, he still requires character development, which is something he does go through, and something I’ll talk about more in his meta analysis later.

Most of the events at the beginning of the anime parallel the events of the manga. Mikan goes to Alice Academy at the same time of year, Natsume shows up with an explosion, Mikan has to go through the Northern Woods, she discovers her powers in her fight with Natsume, etc. Some of the continuation from episode to episode is different than the transitions between chapter to chapter, there’s extra scenes inserted to fill up time, and some of the exposition seems strangely presented (in the anime, Mikan finds out more about the school when she finds Narumi and Iinchou waiting for her at a tea party, which is…. Super weird…), but all in all the information and events are mainly the same. The big differences start with the dodgeball episode.

“Look how happy she is. Makes me wanna barf.”

Episode 7 vs. Chapter 9

I love the dodgeball episode. I feel like for the most part, the anime does deviation from the manga pretty well. With the last arc as an exception, I generally enjoy their changes and additions to the plot. The anime has to be different, has to progress at a different pace, has to introduce topics at different times. They have an episode to fill, and less time to build relationships. Natsume and Mikan are both different characters in the anime but it’s very subtle and has to happen due to the fact that the anime is shorter and seems more designed for younger audiences, in addition to wrapping up before the manga could explore more of the story.

Anyway, let’s talk about the dodgeball episode. AGAIN THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN IN THE MANGA THE SAME WAY so when discussing NatsuMikan as a concept, the anime events cannot be treated the same as the manga events. A lot of people maybe forget that the manga is very different than the anime when it comes to this episode. I see the two media conflated in plenty of fanfics, where seventeen year old NatsuMikan reflect on the dodgeball game from their youth that changed everything, and I get it because the anime version of the dodgeball game is cute! It's shippy! It's fun! But it doesn't happen in the manga the same way.

There's a similar trope with the sakura tree, which I can only remember from the anime, and yet it's such a fundamental aspect of NM fanfic it might as well have played a vital role in both anime and manga. Nothing wrong with any of this, of course. I'm just making it clear that my analysis will cover the two media as separate for the sake of a cohesive essay. Separating them in fanfic is far less important.

This look could probably kill someone. I’m surprised Mikan is still alive, TBH.

The chapter’s focus is Mikan starting to feel more at home in Class B, making friends with her once-hostile classmates, but the episode is more preoccupied with Natsume and Mikan’s perspectives on each other. While in the manga, the game ends with a tie and Mikan accidentally hits Hotaru in the face with the ball, the anime draws out the game to fill an episode and to introduce an evolution in the way Natsume sees Mikan. The first part of the anime episode is Mikan introducing her friends to her new senpai, Tsubasa. After she invites her friends, we see Natsume glowering at her and promptly ditching the next class, saying to Ruka that he can’t stand being in the same class as her. This addition to the plot already foreshadows that their relationship will change in some way by the end of the episode.

Tsubasa tells a frustrated Mikan that if she wants Natsume to be less unpleasant, he’d need to release some of his toxic energy. Thus, the sporty Mikan introduces the concept of dodgeball to the unwelcoming class. When they finally agree, Natsume gives one condition: that they play with the notorious Alice Ball, which is powered by the thrower’s alice (a detail absent from the manga). This Alice Ball is particularly terrifying with the threat of Natsume’s dangerous fire alice. Mikan also needs to get more people on her team, another aspect absent from the manga. While in the manga, Mikan only had her few friends on her team (including a wandering Ruka) and this ended up playing to her advantage, the anime has a humorous plot of Mikan tracking players down for her team, including a fake mustache she makes with her pigtails (she’s so cute, I love her), paying Hotaru to be on her team, and blackmailing Ruka to participate. This was mainly to fill time, but it makes the dodgeball game more important as well.

In the manga, we don’t see how the game ends, just that the teams tied and that everyone in class is having fun and bonding. In the anime, more emphasis is put on the “Mikan vs. Natsume” aspect, so a tie like the manga’s would be anticlimactic. Thus, the anime concludes the dodgeball game with Mikan and Natsume being the only kids left on the court, and Natsume not using his alice when he throws the Alice Ball. Even Hotaru leaving the game is something she does out of boredom instead of injury, further separating the other characters from the plot. It’s about Natsume and Mikan, and everyone else is mostly a side character. (Though Ruka also plays a vital role to this episode AND chapter, and it’s at this point that I think he started developing real feelings for Mikan as well. So when it comes to the anime, he and Natsume fall for Mikan around the same time, but in the manga, Ruka likes her first and the “he liked her first” argument for Natsume vanishes, though he never had that “advantage” to begin with.)

“Thank you!”

Natsume wins (something that shocked me at twelve years old) and is ready to walk away with his handy “tch” and all but Mikan thanks him for not using his alice and he goes off on her, demanding to know why she’s still smiling despite her loss. She says she’s happy that he had fun and was involved with the rest of class for once, and that in a way that means she wins. For Anime!Natsumikan, this is it. This is the turning point. “I just wanted you to be happy and have fun,” is what Mikan might as well be saying. “Really, this was all for you!” It’s sweet and it’s thoughtful and I don’t think Natsume ever imagined he’d be on the receiving end of her kindness, especially after all their beef. Manga!Mikan would probably not say these things to him, even if she meant them, for the sole reason that Mikan is stubborn and holds onto her pride, especially when it comes to her early relationship with Natsume, but Anime!Mikan is much more forgiving and much more willing to extend an olive branch, like in the dance episode. In any case, Natsume starts falling right then, and it’s obvious too, because he is pissed, and even more angry because he’s not even mad at her. He’s angry with himself for his change of opinion. This is the girl he was fully content to hate forever and yet here he was, starting to like her. Not ideal.

This scene, something so crucial to the development of Anime!Natsumikan, is completely absent from the manga. In the manga, Natsume still dislikes her by the end of the game although he does have fun.

He's not angry, just disappointed. In himself.

I’m not going to say one is better when it comes to starting up NatsuMikan because they’re very different creatures and I actually thoroughly enjoy both.

Anyway, the NatsuMikan after episode 7 is almost the same as in the manga, but the events carry a different weight since we know Natsume likes Mikan now (even if he would never admit it).

Summary

I hope this first part was interesting, and that it introduced the idea of Anime!NatsuMikan as being a little different from the manga's version. Yes, it is more or less the same story, but with so many thematic and plot changes, they take a different form as well, in a perhaps more subtle way, kind of like a slightly canon divergent fanfic. Fanfic where Natsume starts liking Mikan a bit earlier on in the story.

Next Part ->

[horansqueen]

Stuck With You - Chapter 31

Chapter 31: Sweetest Pain

🡪chapter 1  🡪chapter 2  🡪chapter 3  🡪chapter 4  🡪chapter 5  🡪chapter 6  🡪chapter 7  🡪chapter 8  🡪chapter 9  🡪chapter 10  🡪chapter 11 🡪chapter 12 🡪chapter 13 🡪chapter 14 🡪chapter 15 🡪chapter 16 🡪chapter 17 🡪chapter 18 🡪chapter 19 🡪chapter 20 🡪chapter 21 🡪chapter 22 🡪chapter 23 🡪chapter 24 🡪chapter 25 🡪chapter 26 🡪chapter 27 🡪chapter 28 🡪chapter 29 🡪chapter 30

College Enemies To Lovers AU

characters // masterlist // instagrams // mood board

See, I told myself from the start of things You can't rule my heart, you can't pull my strings

But, I'm a fool for you, baby, a fool for your love I'm just a fool for you baby, got me all mixed up I'm just a fool for you, baby and nothing's gonna change And maybe it's my sweetest pain

click here to be on the update list

(check the characters page, i updated it with all the characters!)

DEVON

                                                Everything happened in slow motion. I stared at this girl I had seen on some instagram pictures, this girl I was so jealous of, this girl who made my whole insides twist with fear, and I swallowed hard. I even feel like I recognized her before Niall did but when her name came out of his lips, my heart dropped in my chest. Did he ever say my name that way? I closed my eyes and shook my head slightly. Yes, he had. In fact, he had said my names in many different ways, and most of them were imprinted with feelings.

"Oh my god Niall!"

She walked quickly to him and for some reason, I took a step on the side to give her all the space she needed to wrap her arms around his neck after getting on her tiptoes. He looked in shock and I breathed in deeply when I realized he wouldn't hug her back.

"What are you doing here?"

I could hear slight panic in his voice but when she got back down on her feet and sent him a big smile, it's discomfort I saw in his face.

"Oh I just got back here, you know, I decided I had to get a degree." she shrugged, tilting her head and sending him a smile.

"No more vlogs?"

She laughed and frowned, hitting his arm gently, and I became obsessed with the way she was touching him. It bothered me so much I had to swallow and grab the hem of my shirt tight, twisting the fabric with my fingers to make sure I wouldn't just walk up to her and push her away.

The few days Niall and I had spent alone in his apartment brought me happiness like nothing else before, except maybe when everything was going amazingly well between Henry and I. That's why I knew that having Abby in front of him could make Niall a bit confused about how he felt. Maybe he was happy with me, but he had been in love with that girl, and some things just never leave... some feelings can linger for years after it was over. I knew it, and it scared me to look at this perfect painting right in front of me. Niall and Abby were perfect models for a photoshoot in a magazine, and the way they seemed attracted physically to each other was heartbreaking. It made me wonder what people actually saw when I was walking around with Niall, but I knew it was nothing compared to the sight in front of me.

"Oh no I still have my channel!" she chuckled, reaching for his hand and squeezing it a bit.

I swallowed again and after a while, we ended up sitting in the living room. For some reason, I ended up next to Niall on the couch but Abby was sitting on the floor in front of him. I hated that sight and when she put her hands on his knees, I held my breath, staring at them. I wanted to get up and run away but I was frozen and finally looked up. I immediately met Louis' eyes and he shook his head before grabbing his phone and typing something on it. It took a second or two and my phone beeped, catching my attention but also Niall's, who turned his head slightly to look at me. He bent down to talk to me but Abby got up on her knees, her hands now on his thighs, bringing his attention back to her. I knew she was doing it on purpose but what really hurt me was the fact that it worked.

'You stay right where you are. Don't let her push you away. That's her thing.'

I looked up at Louis and he raised his eyebrows. I had so many questions and even if I felt like Niall had opened up a lot about his ex, It was now obvious to me that I didn't know much.

"I was thinking maybe you could sneak in my room some night this week?" I heard her say, making my heart jump so high in my throat I thought I was about to throw it up. "Like you used to."

"Are you fucking serious?"

The words had escaped my lips without thinking and my heart started thumping hard against my chest. Her eyebrows raised and her head turned to me but I held her gaze when her eyes met mine.

"Excuse me?"

"I said, are you fucking serious?" I repeated in a mean tone. "After breaking his heart you just come back and act like nothing's happened? Like you can just snap your fingers and get him back?"

I was mad, a bit tipsy, and sadder than I had been in a long time. I wanted Niall to be the one to push her away but he was just sitting there, acting like all this was normal, and it made me want to cry. I wondered what he would have told her if I hadn't said anything and at the same time, I was scared to find out.

"Why do you even care?" she asked rudely, sending me a frown. I held my breath and glanced at Niall, making her chuckle. "Oh, someone's got a crush."

"And someone's got a fucking big ego." I replied quickly, trying to hide the fact that her words had embarrassed me.

"Who the fuck are you anyway?"

I was not the only one pissed, now. Abby was staring at me like she wanted to jump of me and rip my face off. I wanted to answer her but the problem was, I had no idea who I was. I was not Niall's girlfriend, I had made sure about it. I was his friend, of course, but I was so much more than that, or at least I wanted to believe it. Telling her I was the girl he was shagging was also a bad idea because it didn't mean much, and it certainly didn't mean anything to her.

"No one, yea, that's what I thought." Abby added with a smug smile. "Mind your own fucking business."

I swallowed my pain but I knew I was tearing up despite myself and I quickly got up, grabbed my hoodie and left, closing the door roughly behind myself. It was a mix of everything that made me so emotional and I hated it.  I was tipsy, scared, sad and mad, probably mostly at myself. It was so pathetic it angered me more than I thought it would. What did I promise myself when I left my old college? I had promised myself not to be this vulnerable girl anymore, I had promised myself that I wouldn't let my guard down. But here I was, letting some stupid girl affect me because of a man I was having sex with. It was ridiculous and I let some angry tears fall down my cheeks without wiping them off.

I was far from campus and I quickly put my hoodie on before wrapping my arms around myself. Snow had melted but it was still quite cold outside, especially for a twenty minutes walk, and I shivered as I walked. My feet made noise on the cement, echoing on the deserted street and it made me realize how late it was,

I could have sworn I had heard my name but just shook my head and sighed. It was probably the alcohol or the wind, or so I thought, but when I heard it again, my heart skipped a beat. The sound of his shoes on the sidewalk made a lot more noise than mine : he was running. I didn't want to turn around because I didn't want him to see me cry but eventually, I felt his hand on my arm and my body immediately relaxed.

"Devie!" he let out again, making me stop walking. He was panting, I could hear him, and when I turned around, I noticed his thin lips parted and his chest moving as he tried to catch his breath. "I was yelling your name, didn't you hear?"

"What are you doing here, Niall?" I asked, ignoring his question. "Shouldn't you be up there,  planning a night with your ex girlfriend?"

"Oh stop that." he frowned, suddenly very annoyed.

"Stop what? You said you wouldn't give her a chance to break your heart again! Look at you now! She's back and you're stuck to her! Attracted like a magnet, like-like a lost puppy!"

"Seriously?" he replied a bit too loud. "I just fucking ran after you and you say those things to me?"

"Why are you letting her flirt with you when she broke you?" I argued again. "Why didn't you just tell her off?"

"And why would I do that, Devon?" My lips parted mostly at the fact that he called me by my whole first name. I couldn't remember the last time he actually did that. "I mean what are we, Devon? What the fuck are we? Two idiots who fuck?" he threw his arms up and scoffed, shaking his head. "Because I love you! I fucking love you and you fucking know it! But you're pushing me away, over and over again! And I'm so fucking tired of it!"

His confession made something stir inside my chest and I teared up again. He loved me. He fucking loved me, he said. I was speechless and I tried to swallow the lump in my throat.

"And this whole situation is starting to be dangerously similar to the relationship I had with Abby! Can't you see it?"

"Don't compare me to her!" I pointed out, taking a step closer as he laughed without amusement.

"But it's true okay!" he argued loud, passing his hand on his face. "You're with me but you're not with me! You know I love you but you don't want me to say it! You're keeping me around why? What for, Devon? As an entertainment?"

I felt nauseous suddenly and swallowed, trying not to throw up. "N-Niall.."

"That is what Abby did, okay?" I saw him tear up, his eyes watering and gleaming as the moon reflected on them. He was so pretty that it made my heart sink in my chest. "I love having sex with you, but you made sure we were not a couple! So you don't have the right to get pissed and tell me what I should and shouldn't do! You don't get to tell me what to do and how to feel when you can't even admit that you love me!"

I was so hurt at that point that I let tears freely fall on my cheeks. I was mad at him for throwing all these truths in my face, and also for what he was actually doing with his ex girlfriend, whether it was conscious or not, and I was mad at myself for letting all of this affect me.

"Fuck you." I let out calmly, pressing my lips together to stop myself from sobbing.

"Yea, I did that." he replied gently this time, passing his hand in his hair. "But that's not gonna happen again."

He turned around to leave as something hurt so much in my stomach that it felt like someone had literally hit me so hard that I couldn't breathe anymore.

"Look, I'll just... I'll give you a ride home okay?"

"No." I replied, turning around before I continued walking.

"Devie, I don't think it's safe that you just walk alone so late." he explained, genuinely concerned. "I'll send you Louis, okay?"

I stopped walking and heard the short conversation he had with Louis. It took about ten minutes of awkward silence before Louis arrived and it felt like an hour. I saw them shake hands and hug before Louis whispered something to Niall. When he finally left, I turned around and started sobbing, feeling Louis' arms wrap around me, pulling me into a tight hug.

"It's gonna be alright." he whispered in my hair as I gripped the back of his shirt like my life depending on it. "I promise."

I didn't answer. I just let him hold me tight against him until I was too tired and we finally walked back to our rooms. When I opened mine, it was dark and I sniffed, turning around to send a sad smile to my best friend.

"Thanks, Louis."

"Hey, do you want to sleep in my room?"

"No, thanks." I shook my head a bit. "I need to be alone."

"Alright, but I'm only a few steps away, if you need me."

I took off my shoes as soon as the door closed behind me and did the same with my clothes. I stared at my bed, realizing I hadn't slept in it in a long time. In  the past few days, I had slept in Niall's bed with him, and I knew I was going to miss that. I grabbed his shirt that was on hos bed and hesitated but finally put it on before slithering between the sheets of my bed. I stared at the ceiling and swallowed hard again, trying not to cry more. It was exhausting to cry and I had cried way too much because of my last relationship.

I couldn't help but wonder what Niall was doing, and if he was with her. I was so jealous I wanted to scream but I was too tired to do anything. I finally let warm tears fall down my neck, leaving them to die on my pillow. He was probably with her, whispering her name the way he whispered mine when we had sex, and I gripped my blanket hard with both hands until my knuckles turned white. Despite being exhausted, I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep at all, but about an hour and a half later, the door opened and closed. I made sure I remained motionless and he threw his keys on the desk, stopping by my bed and standing close to me for a few minutes. He finally moved away and took his clothes off, getting in his bed. My heart was beating fast and as it slowly got back to normal, I realized how relieved I felt that he didn't spent the night with her. I didn't know what had happened when he got back at Lewis' or what happened in those hours we were apart, but at least he was there and it was enough for now.

--

However, when I woke up, Niall was already gone. I sat up in bed and rubbed my eyes before that aching pain came back. I had lost him and he was probably going to go back to his ex girlfriend now. I closed my eyes and tried to breathe in and out slowly for a while before getting up and getting dressed. I kept glancing at the hoodie he had left on his bed and I licked my lips before grabbing it. I just couldn't resist and put it on without remorse. I grabbed my book and walked out, knowing I was a bit early for my classes, which was seriously a first.

"Hey! Devon right?"

I blinked a few times and frowned, putting my hand over my eyes to hide the morning sun. I saw Mandy who was sending me a big smile and took a step closer. She was gorgeous, even so early in the day, and I sent her a smile back.

"Hey, how are you?"

"Good! And you? How are things with Niall?" she asked, genuinely curious. "He's not with you?"

"Mm, no, he's probably with.. Abby."

I had no idea if he was, in fact, with Abby. It was just a wild guess but somehow, I preferred to expect the worst so the truth didn't just blow up in my face. Perhaps it was a bad habit but I couldn't help it.

"Oh god, she's back now." she let out with a hint of bitterness. "You know she used to be my friend?" My eyes opened wider in surprise and I shook my head. "Niall didn't tell you? Yea we used to be very close but, it's hard to keep up with Abby, and if she gets tired of you just just gets rid of you. She's not doing it on purpose, she just wants things so bad she doesn't know when to stop."

"People too."

Mandy's eyes roamed on me and she nodded. "Yea, people too. Like when she wanted Niall's best friend. She didn't give up until she had him. I have no idea why she dated Niall afterwards. Probably because at some point, I told her he was cute. She couldn't risk it."

The more I learned about Abby, the worst it got. I was scared of her now, scared of what she would do and scared of how she would do it.

"She's not a bad person!" Mandy quickly added. "She's got her fair share of good qualities. She juts has history with Niall, so you may want to do something about it."

"There's nothing to do." I shrugged, feeling my heart shatter again in my chest. "I'm not gonna beg him to choose me."

Mandy frowned and took a step closer, hiding the sun. I could clearly see her face and she seemed confused and worried all at the same time. It was a miracle that Niall hadn't fallen in love with someone like her... a miracle for me. I wouldn't stand a chance against her.

"You don't want to fight for him?"

"Why should I have to fight for someone who's going back to the girl who broke his heart?" i argued, not even sure of what I was saying.

"Maybe you should fight for what you two have instead. Fight to save that relationship, whatever it is. Fight because you want it, and because you love him. he fought for you, didn't he?"

I blinked a few times, staring at the pretty girl in front of me, and finally nodded. "He did."

"Then fight for this. Not for his love, no. But for your love." she added with a fond smile. "He's worth it, don't you think? That relationship is worth it."

I frowned a bit and tilted my head. There was something in her voice, like an hint of nostalgia I didn't understand.

"Do you love him?" I finally asked curiously, unsure if she was actually going to tell me the truth.

"No." she chuckled, shaking her head and sending me a bit smile. "But I could have, perhaps."

I smiled back and we stared at each other for a few seconds before she breathed in and sighed. "And if it doesn't work, let me know. My brother thinks you're cute."

This time, I let out a louder laugh. "Yea, right."

"It's true!" she argued, her lips curling on the left. "People around you don't see you the way you see yourself because from what I can tell, you really don't think highly about who you are, and you should."

I had no idea what to answer to that and my heart jumped in my chest when I heard my phone. Mandy sent me a smile and waved gently at me as a goodbye before turning around and leaving. I sighed again and grabbed my phone, quickly checking my messages but I swallowed hard when I realized it was Louis. In that two seconds of not knowing, I had wished it was Niall messaging me and it told me just how fucked I actually was.

I checked the time on my phone and just decided to skip class as I felt the need to paint. I was inspired and if I didn't do it now, I was scared I would lose inspiration. I typed short answer to my best friend, proposing him to meet for lunch, when my phone beeped again. I knew it was not Niall but I wanted it to be. The name that appeared on my phone, however, made my jaw drop.

'Dev, it's Cammy, can we talk?'

[finitepeace]

this week i read...

Darling, Keep the Lights On (Until I Get Home) by capsicleironman  💙

Summary: When Steve Rogers is awoken from the ice early, he is assigned as the personal assistant to Tony Stark, the man on TV with the strange glowing light in his chest. The plan was simple - protect and gain intel. It was supposed to be just another job, but then again, nothing in Steve's life has ever gone according to plan.

Iron Man 2 Divergence where Steve ends up working for Tony instead of Natasha, and his interest first in the arc reactor and then in Tony himself, leads him through the events of the Avengers, Iron Man 3, and Captain America 2.

17k words 

It's Only Half Past (The Point of Oblivion) by LadyHabren (equalopportunityobsessor)

Summary: "I think it's generally agreed that all of Steve's senses are powered up by the serum? He can hear people whispering on the other side of the room, probably sees a hell of a lot further, etc.

But there are definite downsides. How does Steve control this side effect of the serum?"

Captain America is more than a man - he is a hero, he is an ideal, he is pure muscle held together by patriotism and moral fibre... And not even Captain America can fight it when his own brain turns against him.

4k, sentinel/guide au, not set in mcu, 

Do-Over by gottalovev  💙

Summary: Steve woke up six months ago into a future that leaves him indifferent. There is work, and not much else. His current mission is a basic search and rescue operation to retrieve an American who was kidnapped by a terrorist group ten days ago. He won't let the fact that the hostage is Howard's son be a distraction.

14k words, ironman 1 - 2 but with steve on it!, 

Calls Me Home by steve-capsicle-rogers (adorable_lab_rat)

Summary: Tony can't help but notice the far away look on Steve's face. The visible pain and loss. It wasn't right and giving Steve back everything he'd lost was the right choice. The right thing. And honestly Tony didn't do the right thing near enough.

9k words, post avenger 1, tony time travels to victory day with steve to make him happy 

Memorial by hanyou_elf

Summary: Here rests in honored glory an American Soldier known but to God.

Steve visits Arlington's Tomb of the Unknown Soldier in lieu of visting the tombs of those he's lost.

600+ words, steve visits his grave and tony supports 

Damaged by orphan_account

Summary: Prompt: Can you write a story where Tony is having heart problems again even after the shrapnel and arc reactor is removed, like he needs a pacemaker or something please? :)

Steve is worried about Tony after the doctor tells them Tony needs a pacemaker. Tony being Tony decides to build something better.

2k words, arc reactor + health problem 

Warning by laireshi

Summary: Tony's left arm hurts.

100 words, angst post-civil war au 

Told You Dirty Jokes Until You Smiled by ChibiSquirt  💙

Summary: Steve was waiting at light, casually checking out the man in the car behind him, when his phone pinged.

75k words. WIP T_T . steve is cap but tony isnt ironman (yet?). steve is awaken before ironman 1 and meets tony, proceed to have friends with benefits arrangement... 

blood, Lies, and Love by Ridley160

Summary: When Steve Rogers volunteered for Project Rebirth they told him they would make him a hero. No one bothered to tell him that the serum would change him into a monster that needed to feed on the blood of the living for survival. Now he has woken up 70 years in a future where there are more like him and his affliction is now seen as gift. Only Steve is convinced that he is at his core still just a monster.

Then he meets the brilliant, quirky and charismatic Tony Stark, the only person in this crazy new world that seems to understand Steve's misgivings about what he is, but Tony is haunted by something. A secret he has carefully guarded for many years that forced him to push everyone away.

33k words in 13 chapters, steve is cap + a vampire but tony isnt ironman, 

Blood Loss by wisia

Summary: The serum really did work a miracle. It created Captain America, and Tony would like the serum to work a miracle on him too. If only he didn’t fall in love.

5k words, set in captain america 1st avenger, tony is scientist/adventurer looking for a cure for his heart problem 

scientific Heresy by antigrav_vector

Summary: In the process of running the particle accelerator in his basement and fixing the arc reactor, Tony finds himself flung into the past where he has to take on a fight not his own if he wants to get home to stop Vanko. At least he had a chance to replace the old rector that had been killing him with the new one before everything went sideways... But now he has no choice but to face off with family, friends, and old heroes, and none of that sounds remotely appealing. Well, okay, getting to meet them all during their glory days kinda does.

But as it turns out, they're not exactly what he imagined, and his path home is a lot longer than he'd hoped it would be.

And a lot more complicated.

34k words in 12 chapters, time travel au @ cap 1 and ironman 2, steve/tony/bucky 

we will meet in another life by theappleppielifestyle

Summary: Tony is there instead of Howard during Project Rebirth. He ends up following Steve into the Howling Commandos, into the Atlantic ocean and into the 21st century.

6k words, canon divergence. 

Keep on Beating by itsallAvengers

Summary: There were an awful lot of things Steve loved about Tony. But one thing in particular Steve could never get enough of was his heartbeat.

6k words, self-sacrificing tony strikes again and steve is upset.. so tony comes to a solution... 

Coming Up Roses by NobodysBloodyPrincess  💙

Summary: Those with a death wish referred to the High Commander’s infatuation with the late Tony Stark as an ‘obsession.’ They were wrong. It had to be more than that, after all there was no word for what the High Commander was about do in the name of making things right.

No one gets a redo of life… no one except High Commander Rogers that is. Everything is coming up Roses and Sunshine for him. After all, he has a dream and it’s going to come true.

41k words in 3 chapters, beautiful but a bit dark and sad, just like the author said: “‘i’ll be with you till the end of line’ but stony”, definitely one of the best fic i’ve read because THEY ARE HAPPY T_T 

The One With Bucky's Biggest Fan by justanotherpipedream

Summary: Steve still can’t believe how long it took for him to notice. It wasn’t a secret really, just something that no one had cared to ask...it honestly took Rhodey pulling him aside and pulling out an old photo album, before Steve really understood.

Tony Stark was a Bucky Barnes fan.

(aka The one where Tony is the biggest Bucky Barnes fanboy, Steve is a supportive boyfriend, and Bucky is perplexed by it all.)

2k words, it’s all in the summary 

Sins of the Mother by skullshy  💙

Summary: All she could see when her eyes closed was Steve’s face in the courtroom. Stern, pained— with that fucking all-American self-righteousness.

Toni wondered for years whether it would have made a difference. Told him that she was pregnant, that Ultron was to protect their baby, and how sorry she was.

On her worst days, she imagined it wouldn’t have mattered.

23k words in 23 chapters, female tony stark, civil war (or age of ultron?) canon divergence 

So this is bonded life by Captainstark12

Summary: Steve had been protecting the human village from hydra creatures like him for five years. And now he was ready to take his prize as he had the privilege of choosing an omega to bear his child. Hopefully his chosen omega human would want him back as much as he wanted him

4k in 6 chapters, mythology au 

I don't think there's a manual for this by itsallAvengers

Summary: So. His son can stick to things, apparently.

If only Tony had realised this before he'd caught him hanging off the 89th floor of the tower.

Well. Parenting was never going to be a smooth road, was it?

2k words, stony adopts peter parker and then they become superfamily 

For Your Eyes Only by SarahHBE

Summary: Every soldier looks forward to mail call. But Alpha Steve Rogers gets a big surprise with the letter his Omega, Tony Stark, has sent him.

2k words, explicit bcs of sexual content 

It Was Just A Matter Of Time by babynative

Summary: The clock was ticking. And then, black.

719 words, civil war canon divergence, angst 

This Can't Be The Last by MusicalLuna

Summary: Hours after a mission ends, Tony's heart starts to race.

1k words, tony had a heart attack, but not angst! 

The Billionaire and the Army Captain by Neverever

Summary: Facing finanical ruin and needing to care for his sick daughter, Steve Rogers agrees to marry Tony Stark, who needs to get married by his 30th birthday to inherit. It's just a job for Steve until he starts to fall for the enigmatic billionaire.

12k words, non-powers au, 

Adopt by greenteeth  💙

Summary: Steve's life is the same as usual. He goes to work, fights super villains, banters with other Avengers and goes home to an empty apartment. Until the son of an old friend shows up asking for help, well sex first, then help. Suddenly Steve is married, fighting super villains, worrying what Obadiah Stane and coming home to Tony most nights of the week.

42k words in 17 chapters, ABO, tony is not iron man, the story is complete but it’s a part of series that seems to never see the light T_T 

The Act of Creation Will Be Your Salvation  by scifigrl47  💙

Summary: When Tony Stark was seventeen years old, he built his first AI. On that day, he ceased to be his father's creation, and became a creating force in his own right.

That one act likely saved his life, and not always in the most obvious ways.

84k words in 8 chapters, stony but mostly looking through his AI bots a.k.a. jarvis and dum-e, definitely one of the best fics ever! 

Bewitched, Body and Soul by iam93percentstardust

Summary: Almost ten years after joining the British Army, Steve Rogers returns to his childhood home after his mother's death. The house seems quiet in a way that it's rarely been. But the peace is shattered when his oldest friend stumbles into his home and into his life, seeking an escape from an arranged marriage to a cruel lord. Steve provides that escape but finds himself engaged to be married instead. This wouldn't be a problem - except that Steve is, always has been, and always will be deeply in love with Tony Stark.

16k words, regency AU, ABO,  the classic stony misunderstanding trope 

Right place, right time by hkandi, ralsbecket

Summary: An alternate take on the Captain America: The First Avenger movie. Tony is working with his dad to help out the SSR on this new project, though he and Steve happen to run into each other before that, and sparks fly from the start.

8k, CA: First avenger AU with tony stark present