#thinking about life and self improvement and my struggles with asking for help on this fine sunday afternoon

[thetrasha]

I don't usually make requests, but even though I know you've been told this before, I won't hold back from saying that I love the way you write the characters and, well, I love your writing in general!

I wanted to request something about the Straw Hats and how their ideal partner would be like.

(I don't know if this comes off as too vague, I just need more of your writing, please.)

Thank you so much, anon ╰(*°▽°*)╯ I'm glad you trust me with your request!! And I appreciate your support - more than you know, in fact 🥺Glad you enjoy my silly blog and want more. Luckily, I'm here to deliver...

And don't worry, I love vague asks, it gets the creative juices flowing :D Hope you like this one~~

PS. This is based on this post

Ideal Types

STRAW HAT EDITION

Law, Ace, Sabo, Shanks, Buggy version here

LUFFY

Luffy needs someone who…

isn’t afraid of rediscovering the world and in turn themselves

can be the voice of reason sometimes

feels rather than thinks

is open-minded, spontaneous and authentic

Luffy can help you cope with these character flaws:

awkwardness

naivete

timidness

An absolute dealbreaker would be…

dishonesty and apathy

Luffy sees you and, at first glance, just knew that you were going to be very dear to him. The world hasn’t been kind to you, even if you try to downplay your circumstances. You claim that others have it worse, that you’re not at all special, that you don’t have what it takes, but he knows. Oh, he knows that you do. You’re waiting to be liberated, to live life on your terms. He’s giving you that chance because he sees more than just potential in you – he sees expanding horizons when he’s looking into your eyes, he sees a soul that rivals the depth of the ocean, and he sees unimaginable treasure in you.

ZORO

Zoro needs someone who…

is self-assured, ambitious and humble

knows their place in the world or is relentlessly trying to find it

is an introvert rather than an extrovert

cares deeply about him and others

Zoro can help you cope with these character flaws:

pride

stubbornness

self-sacrificial tendencies

An absolute dealbreaker would be…

a weak sense of self and no desire to self-improve

Zoro sees you and… sees himself. Well, a less hardened version of him; you still have that softness about you, you have vulnerability and you’re not yet frayed, pulled apart by the seams, …you’ve had to carry your battle scars, yes, but they made you stronger, inspired you to take on the world, not shut yourself away from life experience. Your dream and your kindness coexist… Zoro thinks that’s fascinating. Your care for him proves your bravery – you are fond of the man who rarely talks, rarely reciprocates touch, who rarely… lives for himself, but you still see him for who he is and believe it’s worth protecting. You’re so admirable.

USOPP

Usopp needs someone who…

seeks harmony

hasn’t given up on the world and wants to make it better

has no tolerance for cruelty

is cheerful, dedicated and forgiving

Usopp can help you cope with these character flaws:

cowardice

anxiety

envy

An absolute dealbreaker would be…

choosing cowardice over doing what’s right and ingratitude

Usopp sees you and knows you’re someone who’s been burnt too many times. People don’t have nearly as much empathy for your situation as they say they have – believe him, he knows all about it. They can be so unnecessarily cruel, hostile for no reason… He understands why you’re like this and he feels an immense amount of protectiveness towards you, knowing that he can lift you up and show you that anyone can make it. You just have to believe in yourself! And if that’s too hard for you right now, he can believe in you for you, he doesn’t mind. One day you’ll stand beside him and you’ll thank the other for the things you’ve taught one another.

SANJI

Sanji needs someone who…

doesn’t judge other people prematurely

is deeply empathetic and acknowledges other people’s struggles

sees through anyone’s facade

is sweet, loving and reliable

Sanji can help you cope with these character flaws:

being too trusting

overthinking

insecurity

An absolute dealbreaker would be…

spite and being cold-hearted

Sanji sees you and feels seen. Nobody ever bothered to do things for him… just for the sake of taking some weight off his shoulders. It’s like your well-being depends on his own; he cannot fathom why anyone would want to spend time with him without expecting a favour or anything in return. And he desperately tries to pay you back with acts of service, but you just won’t budge. You tell him that this is what love’s like – it’s innocent and nurturing, a constant give and take. You respect him, which almost makes him cry. It’s a strange feeling… to be wanted without offering an arm and a leg, but he’s given you his heart anyway. Even without asking for it… you always had it, after all.

FRANKY

Franky needs someone who…

rejects rigid social structures

has something unconventional about them

has a strong sense of justice

is fun-loving, humorous and intelligent

Franky can help you cope with these character flaws:

self-destructive tendencies

deep regrets

scepticism/ distrust

An absolute dealbreaker would be…

greed and hubris

Franky sees you and thinks you’re enough just the way you are. You don’t have to change a thing about yourself. That fragile state you’re in – he’s here to mend it, slowly but surely. The world just didn’t appreciate your brilliance enough! You were just fine when you fit in because you’re one of the few people who could fell the system; that’s who you are at your core. You saw Franky and you saw a friend first, not a machine and certainly not a weapon. And as you slowly got to know him, you learnt to love both his human heart and the wires, pistons and cogs making it pump. You were hard-wired to reject yourself, but he’s here to tell you that you’re super awesome… well, until you learn to believe it.

BROOK

Brook needs someone who…

has a deep understanding of what it means to be lonely

is creative, funny and perceptive

feels like they are the odd one out

thinks rather than feels

Brook can help you cope with these character flaws:

feeling like you don’t belong anywhere

loneliness/ solitude

melancholy

An absolute dealbreaker would be…

disloyalty and small-minded thinking

Brook sees you and just intuitively knows that you’re his missing piece. You relate to his greatest source of pain, but you don’t let it keep you from living your own life, no, you use it as fuel to make your time on this Earth matter. You know just how precious time really is, so you are unapologetic in your pursuit of your own happiness, even if the path towards it isn’t exactly easy. It’d take him some time, but he wants to be the reason behind ever chuckle, every smile, every bit of affection you’re ready to offer. You’ve been so alone for so long, nobody has ever bothered to see you for who you are: You are vibrant and so worthy of being alive. It makes him appreciate the time he’s got now, too.

JINBE

Jinbe needs someone who…

is wise, mature and caring

is curious about other cultures and their customs, wants to understand the world

loves learning something new every day

recognises that one person cannot change the world – but doesn’t obey in advance either

Jinbe can help you cope with these flaws:

inability to find your purpose

feelings of inadequacy

pessimism and/ or nihilism

An absolute dealbreaker would be…

hypocrisy and hedonism

Jinbe sees you and knows you’re meant to be something great, you just need a helping hand and some words of encouragement. Maybe that’s what you’re lacking – a strong support system. He’ll gladly provide that for you, just to see you thrive right next to him. It’s strange; he thought he would never find someone quite like you, everybody has their charm, but you were introspective and self-aware. With him, you can put most of your worries to rest. You don’t have to adapt to getting the short end of the stick anymore, you don’t have to be there for everyone only to get nothing in return. He makes sure that you’ll always have someone to lean on and cry with.

[xmalereader]

Bruce Wayne x Male Reader

☆ — MASTERLIST — ☆

REQUEST: Could you please write Burce wayne x male reader who has trouble ordering food. Like in a restaurant when the waiter asks, he either stutters or goes completely quiet, and that's why he asks Bruce to order for him. And i would like to see Bruce's reactions when a waiter is like "you don't have to order for him. He can order for himself. I wasn't asking you, i was asking him" just the waiter assuming that Bruce is kinda controlling. The reader is silently crying in his seat, having to order on his own, like he knows the waiter was trying to do something good. (Totally not speaking from personal experience 🤭)

WARNINGS/CONTENT: Fluff, mature language, social anxiety, Bruce is a good boyfriend, mentions of fears, judgment, request, relatable events, everyone struggles.

TAGS: @one-green-frog

WC: 1.5K

NOTES: I used to struggle with ordering food due to anxiety and fear of people judging me 😩 but as I got older they fear kind of went away and I’m able to do it with no problem but everyone deals with anxiety differently and takes time to get come it so I ain’t judging. It’s like that with my older brother he’s 26 and still makes me order for him due to his own anxiety. But hopefully you enjoyed this shot and apologize for the long wait!

Everyone has social anxiety.

Y/n struggled with it at a young age, not being taught how to speak with others in public without getting the intense fear of judgment from others. He figured that he would improve as he got older, but it didn’t change and still struggled with the simple things. He could go out and run errands alone without any struggles since majority of place now had self checkout which was a god send for many.

He’s able to hold a conversation with strangers or with people he knew in the area, but his anxiety would get to him when it came towards the simplest tasks. He wasn’t sure if it was because he was an over thinker and would think that he did something wrong or if he perhaps pronounced something incorrect, thinking that people were judging him for the smallest things. It took time for him to improve but the anxiety still remained during important moments.

One of the easiest things that many were able to accomplish is ordering food. Their were times that he hesitated or froze up when ordering his own food, having to apologize each time he orders and forcing a nervous smile or laugh in hopes of getting through the few minutes that he is there. He struggled even more when he went out on dates.

Very few people knew about his anxiety and very few friends were kind enough to do the ordering for him without hesitation and providing the assistance that he needed. With strangers it was a whole other story, he didn’t want to force them into placing his own order due to his own fear and would struggle with speaking the words.

His dates never went well after that and hated the way he felt each time he stumbled upon the problem. If the waiter or waitress wasn’t staring at him intensely he’d probably order his food without a problem and his day would go fine. But the feeling of their eyes staring at him as he looked at his choices of food made him stutter and grow nervous when ordering.

Forcing that smile as always and getting through the day of embarrassment.

If he had this kind of anxiety how was he suppose to handle his future dates when he couldn’t do a simple task? He’s able to do a whole presentation in a room full of board of directors but he stutters and hesitates when it comes towards ordering a simple meal or even asking for help whenever he’s in public.

He figured he’d spend his days locked indoors while making his own meals while watching a good movie.

He didn’t think he’d end up bagging Bruce Wayne. Gothams Golden boy.

Y/n had thought that this was all a trick or a joke when Bruce first asked him out. He wanted to laugh at the mans face and tell him that he doesn’t need to make his life miserable by playing a mean joke, only to realize that Bruce was in fact not joking around.

Y/n worked at Wayne Enterprises but in a lower department not expecting himself to bump into Bruce Wayne and getting asked out by the man himself. Their first date was simple with a cup of coffee and muffins. He would have thought that bruce would take him someplace fancy on their first date, but when he didn’t he was a bit relieved.

Bruce was a great man and didn’t do anything that made him uncomfortable. Y/n figured that he’d only get lucky to have one date with bruce and then never see them man again, only to get asked out again and again and again. The first four months went well without any problems and enjoyed his time with Bruce as their time together grew their dates slowly got fancier.

Resulting into Y/n confessing to Bruce about his anxiety and fear of others judging him because he couldn’t do a simple task that only required a few words. He thought Bruce would laugh at him or use it against him and force him to confront his fear, instead Bruce smiled at him and asked.

“Do you want me to order for you?”

He said it with the most calmest voice ever showing no hints of judgment.

Y/n wanted to cry that night. It was a simple favor, but it meant a lot to him.

As their dates continued they created a routine each time they went out to eat. Y/n would either look up the menu online ahead of time and already have his order in mind and tell bruce before getting their orders placed. Bruce even memorized the dishes that Y/n liked whenever they went to a repeated restaurant and would for him on the spot without needing to be told what he liked, already knowing the mans interests.

A year into dating and it became a normal thing between the two.

During their one year anniversary, Bruce decided to take him to a new restaurant and getting seated in a nice secluded area and away from others. Y/n scanned the menu and hums. “This looks good.” He speaks up as he checks the different dishes until one caught his eye.

“You know the rule, order whatever you want.” Said Bruce, always reminding him that he can get whatever he wanted. Y/n was hesitant about the prices at first but with time he got adjusted to the idea of Bruce paying for everything and no matter how many times he tried to pay himself, Bruce had already paid ahead of time.

“This pasta looks good.” Y/n points out on the menu and shows Bruce who looked up form his own menu and smiles. “Is that all you want?”

“Can I also get this for dessert?” He points behind the menu where a picture of a nicely desert is presented, getting Bruce to chuckle as he nods his head. “You better share with me because I already know you won’t eat it all.” Y/n laughs at his words and sets his menu down, leaning back in his seat as he looks around the restaurant and takes in the interior, distracted by the place that he doesn’t notice the waitress coming over.

“Are you ready to order?”

“Yes,” Bruce smiles at the women and starts with his order first, letting her know what he’d like. “And for you?” She turns her attention to Y/n who gets his attention pulled away from a painting he was staring at and looks at her with wide eyes. “I…”

“He’d have the pasta and the chocolate desert.” Bruce is quick to cut in when he noticed Y/n freeze up.

The waitress gives Bruce the stink eye by how he interrupts Y/n. “You don’t have to order for him. He can order for himself.” Bruce froze with wide eyes, opening and closing his mouth in shock. “I wasn’t asking you I was asking him.” She points her pencil at Y/n and puts her attention on him.

Y/n can only gap at her, opening and closing his mouth as he tries to speak but I can’t. He was caught off guard and reached out for his menu. “I’ll like…the—the…” He’s stuttering and doesn’t know what to tell her. “Do you need another minute?” She asks which only make the situation worse, he’s turning to Bruce and staring at him with eyes full of fear and hesitation silently screaming for help.

“I assure you miss my partner would like the pasta and desert.” Bruce says again in hopes of getting her to note down the order and she does, not without rolling her eyes which only makes Y/n whine.

“Your food will be ready soon.” She said while taking their menus and walking away, leaving them in silence.

Y/n lets out a deep sigh of relief. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know what to say, she probably thinks you’re an asshole now.” He groans out while covering his face with his hands. Bruce can only chuckle while shaking his head and reaching out to grab him by the wrists. “Don’t be, not everyone knows about your fear and besides she was only doing it because she probably thought I was controlling.”

“You’re not!”

“She doesn’t know that. If I wanted to be asshole I would have yelled at her like other people do, but I’m not doing that. It was a simple misunderstanding.” Bruce reassured Y/n as he held his hand and smiles. He didn’t think that something like this would happen since they’ve never had this issue in the past at the other places that they visited.

“All you have to worry about is eating all of your food and sharing your desert.” Bruce tries to lighten up the mood which works for Y/n as he chuckled and nods his head. “Fine and then after we go home and watch a movie and not come back here again.” After this misunderstanding its most likely he doesn’t want to come back and face the same issue again.

“We stick with Jimmy’s…” He mumbled out, referring to his favorite restaurant that serviced amazing chicken wings and fries. Bruce laughs while nodding. “Next time we go out will go to Jimmy’s.” At this point they were already considered regulars that the owner memorized their orders, which made it better for Y/n.

[the-joy-of-knowledge]

How to expand your vocabulary (in an enjoyable way).

Self-Awareness

If you find yourself struggling to find the appropriate words to express yourself ,then you need to learn more words. If you are reading this article or you find the title interesting, then you are closer than you thought. You are simply self aware. Self awareness is the first step to muster the courage to pursue the art of language and communication. It dawned on me that I was verbally malnourished when I could barely find the words to describe the character I read in a novel. "So what was he like?" My curious friends will ask and all I could say was "he had a troubled childhood and it was evident in his lack of self-control." The sound of that description even troubled me. I knew there was more to his character, but I restricted by my literary scarcity. I still struggle with this but I am making daily efforts to improve. This article will be prescriptive and descriptive.

Execution

Read books, I mean read actively. I read books and I atke pride in it but I am a severely passive reader. I barely engage with the story, the character, or the author's attempt to challenge my prejudice or affinity for the character. My reading goal was to read as many books as possible, quantity over quality. By quality, I mean quality of my reading, not the books per se. Now, I read differently (and I only started this a month ago), I read prudently, making stops anytime I encounter an unfamiliar word. I include that in my vocabulary list on my Notes app. after about 10 words or so. I immediately find each words synonyms, two per word; one easy, one difficult. For example, Decrepit (derelict, neglected).

Use Chat GPT to create sentences for you in different context and practice with that.

3. Find ways to include your new learned words in your own way. If you work a 9-5, it may be helpful to customize your prompt to business/professional context, to be more applicable to you. But most importantly, create your own sentence structure. If you have a meeting, prep for it by using the words your learned, take notes as a guide to help you effectively convey your ideas. I learned "impetuously" recently and during a meeting with my manager she asked me to access myself based on my strength and weaknesses. I responded with "I tend to impetuously accept projects without understanding the deliverables and I end up being overwhelmed with the expectations." My point it make sure you use the context of your everyday life. If you are a humanities major, you might approach this differently.

4. Make it enjoyable. Think of each new word as a specific dollar amount. Then create a "verbal bank," the more words your learn the richer you become. Ecah word for me is valued at $50. I earn $25 extra if I can use it effectively in a conversation. It you learn 10 new words a week, you have made yourself $500. Deposit that into your verbal bank!

5. Record yourself saying this words. Try to actively recall them but through a conversation. Do 1-minute tests. Record yourself describing your day, giving a presentation etc Notice with words flow naturally, if you like go back to your vocabulary list and test yourself. by creating sentences.

6. Expand your reading. Well, I did say to read books and I would suggest to go beyond. Read articles (very well written ones) and when not reading, actively listen to podcasts and pay attention to how the host convey their ideas. You would notice that good writing or speech is not necessarily peppered with difficult words. Good writers is simple to understand because the authors make diffiuclt topics or esoteric topics digestible.

Emulatate & Practise

You simply just have to emulate. Copy the style & syntax of people you admire or respect for their speech or writing. Keep practising. It is a choice to improve or not. Don't hold yourself back. I am practising by writing as well and I have barely scratched the surface and I am sure you can tell by my writing. It is not sophisticated but I do hope to improve and you can to.

Excite yourself

You will come to find yourself smiling when you read a text with words no longer foreign to you. Words that were once distant and strange will eventually become a part of you. That is the best feeling ever, it's exciting.

[moonkissedvisions]

PAC ♡ 𝐂𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐚 𝐦𝐢𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐫: 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐣𝐞𝐜𝐭 ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*˚˖𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚.🎀༘⋆

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆ please read:

Hey! welcome to another reading. This reading includes the following questions, I drew one card for each of them: -How do you see yourself? -How do you think others see you? -How do you project yourself to others? -How can you improve your projection/image? -Who/How are you, really? Use your own intuition and discernment to read my interpretations. Remember that this is a general reading so not everything has to resonate. This reading was only made for guidance and entertainment, it´s not a replacement for professional advice of any kind. I use a Rider-Waite deck and you can ask me about the cards if they aren´t named in the reading. Check out my other readings at the end of this post and consider liking/reblogging/following if you liked this one.

ʚ♡ɞ Now, look for your pile and hope you enjoy it. ʚ♡ɞ

♡ Pile 1

How do you see yourself?

You see yourself as a joyful person who likes to have fun and juggle many things at once. You view yourself as adaptable, dynamic, and fast-paced. You strive to maintain balance in your life. Perhaps you see yourself as someone who is too agitated, trying to keep everything together but struggling with a bit of messiness. You are worried that you can't always solve every problem or you aren't versatile enough. You are practical and you tend to take too much at once, but you know you are good at that.

How do you think others see you?

You believe that others perceive you as a resilient and strong individual who has gone through many challenges in life. You think they see you as a warrior who can endure any obstacle that comes your way. You also believe that you excel at setting boundaries and people recognize your persistence, ability to push forward, durability, and unwavering stance on important matters.

What do you project?

You project that you are struggling emotionally. maybe you suffered from heartbreak recently and that's why others see you struggling. When you experience heartbreak, loss, or betrayal, it can be difficult to hide the impact it has on you. Often, others can sense that you are not feeling your best. This may be due to your facial expressions, gestures, and body language projecting your sorrow, depression, or grief. However, others may also sense that you possess the strength to endure emotional pain and anguish, and that you have the capacity to cope with difficult times and emotions. Despite the challenging circumstances, they can see that you are getting through it.

How can you improve your image?

To build a positive image, focus on developing self-confidence, optimism, and a sense of self-assurance. Recognize your own strengths, resilience, and determination, and celebrate your successes and progress with others. Cultivate a positive self-image by showcasing your talents, achievements, and skills, and don't be afraid to reward yourself for your hard work. By accepting love and attention from others, you can build strong and supportive relationships that will help you achieve your goals and thrive in life. Remember, with dedication and perseverance, you can create a positive image that reflects your true potential and inspires others to do the same.

Who/How are you?

Whether it's in the present, past or an ongoing experience, you may have encountered a sense of loss, betrayal, heartbreak or any other kind of ending that has left you feeling defeated, physically and mentally exhausted, unable to react, powerless, discouraged, and sad. It's a feeling that things have come to an end and a new beginning is approaching. You may feel resigned to this situation, and it may have taken you by surprise. Someone or something may have hurt you deeply, and you may feel like there is nothing you can do about it. But with time, a new beginning will approach, and you'll be able to start your life anew. ♡

♡ Pile 2

How do you see yourself?

You perceive yourself as someone who is often lost in thought, too absorbed in your mind to notice what is happening around you. Perhaps you are moody, bored, or indifferent. You don't seem to experience gratitude or joy for anything in particular. You may overanalyze things and miss out on opportunities as a result. You see yourself as someone who is introspective and contemplative, but you struggle to feel content or fulfilled. You don't have a passion or feel emotionally connected to anything. You may be stuck in a negative/lack mindset and find it difficult to appreciate what you already have.

How do you think others see you?

You believe that others perceive you as a patient, moderate, balanced, and a calm person. You think that people see you as someone who enjoys going on adventures and embracing all kinds of experiences. Additionally, you think that others view you as open-minded, flexible, and capable of accepting diverse opinions and ways of living. You don't consider yourself as a person who thinks in black and white, but rather as someone who avoids extreme points of view. Perhaps you believe that people see you as someone who is not vengeful, holds no grudges, and is diplomatic and stable.

What do you project?

You exude calmness and balance while projecting emotional intelligence and the ability to empathize with people's feelings. You possess the skills to help others with their emotional problems and have the ability to connect with your own emotions and creativity. People feel heard and understood when they talk to you, and you have a reassuring presence that can comfort and uplift them. You healthily express your emotions and are unafraid of being perceived as sensitive or emotional. You have a strong intuition that enables you to read others' emotions accurately and know when someone needs support. You are a loving, artistic, and magnetic individual who is capable of dreaming big and inspiring others with your creativity and passion.

How can you improve your image?

Be ready to unleash your inner child by embracing your childlike wonder and free-spirited personality. Ignite your adventurous side and discover new horizons with an open and curious mind. Don't let a lack of enthusiasm hold you back - break free from routine and indulge your curiosity. Follow what intrigues you. Get out of your head, and look at the bright side. The key to finding your passion is to approach life with a playful attitude and a desire to explore new ideas. Don't take yourself too seriously and don't worry about making sense of everything. You don't need to get attached to something to find it fun. Work on your fears. As you embrace your journey, you'll inspire others to follow your lead and tap into their own sense of wonder. Let humor be your guide and start smiling more as you uncover all the exciting experiences that await you.

Who/How are you?

You possess a reflective, methodical, and calm personality. You are someone who doesn't rush into things and takes their time to contemplate and evaluate the situation before action. You are careful with your work and like to commit yourself fully to it. You are a perfectionist. Your introspective and composed nature allows you to think through things deeply and come up with practical solutions. You value your work and like to reflect on the outcome, which helps you learn from your experiences and grow. You are intellectually practical and don't take any risks without careful planning. You are a patient, dedicated, and meticulous individual who values quality work and likes to appreaciate the fruits of their labor.

♡ Pile 3

How do you see yourself?

You see yourself as someone who possesses a remarkable collaborative personality that enables you to effortlessly blend the energies and abilities of all team members, resulting in outstanding project outcomes. Your ability to work in teams is a testament to your skill and capability. You are focused, dedicated, and driven to succeed, with a good eye for detail and a talent for employing practical skills to achieve your goals. Your meticulous planning and thoughtful consideration of all aspects of a project reflect your reliability and conscientious nature. You are aware of your strong work ethic, combined with your friendly and trustworthy demeanor. You are highly committed to your work, practical, and reliable which inspires confidence in your abilities.

How do you think others see you?

You may feel like others don't fully understand you or perceive you accurately. It's possible that you have an unclear sense of your own identity, or that your identity is constantly changing based on your emotions or what's currently going on in your life. This can make it difficult for others to get a clear picture of who you are, and you may feel misunderstood. You might even feel like you can't be your true self, or that there isn't a true version of you that you can show to people. It's possible that you feel like others see you as fake or delusional, or that they pick up on your insecurities and emotional struggles so their perception of you is clouded by emotional projections. You may worry that you confuse people or that they have false beliefs and wrong ideas about you.

What do you project?

You might unknowingly convey your inner feelings of doubt and unease to those around you. Perhaps you are currently low on energy, and those around you can sense that you are feeling defeated. You might be projecting an absence of assertiveness in your communication and actions, indicating that you are unsure of your ability to win your battles and succeed. It's also possible that you are projecting a lack of confidence in yourself and your boundaries, giving off the impression that you are easily giving up and that you don't stand up for yourself. Maybe others perceive you as someone who starts unnecessary conflicts and behaves recklessly. You may also be projecting a lack of experience and commitment, which could result in you frequently stepping back from challenging situations. Overall, you project insecurity and a lack of motivation.

How can you improve your image?

To improve your image, you must embrace the unknown and uncertainty with boldness, readiness, and vitality. Identify the factors that are holding you back and draining your energy. Instead of wasting your time and focusing on insecurities, learn to be assertive, spontaneous, and willing to take risks. Redirect your focus intelligently. Feel the fear, and do it anyway. Trust in your ability to overcome any challenge that comes your way. Don't hold back your wild side; be authentic and unapologetic. Take care of your health and engage in sports that will help you gain confidence and vigor. Expand yourself and seek ways to grow instead of limiting yourself. Remember, you are capable of achieving anything you set your mind to.

Who/How are you?

You may be currently undergoing a process of healing, or are considering such a journey. You are beginning to view your pain, struggle, and grief in a new light, and as a result, you are experiencing a sense of release from emotional pain. You are starting to feel more peaceful and serene, and you are gaining a deeper sense of self-awareness. You are recovering from a past event that has had a profound impact on you, and you are gaining hope and faith in your healing journey. You are engaging in various forms of emotional release, such as journaling, meditation, or talking to someone. You help others to heal by sharing your own journey. You are attuned to your feelings and learning to experience them, rather than trying to control or over-analyze them. You are someone who is overcoming emotional obstacles and developing a sense of self-acceptance and inner peace. Your journey of healing is a testament to your strength and resilience, and serves as an inspiration to others who may be going through similar experiences.

♡ Pile 4

How do you see yourself?

You appear to be someone who possesses a strong sense of willpower. You are confident in your abilities to manifest your desires and you have all the resources at your disposal to achieve your goals. Your skills and creativity are impressive, and you possess the strategic prowess and focus to make things happen. You also possess a sense of empowerment and cunning, which makes you a natural leader with a flair for innovation.

Your persuasive and analytical abilities have made you a force to be reckoned with, and you are well aware of your power and influence. However, you may have noticed that this energy is not always directed in a positive direction. You may have used your persuasive abilities to manipulate, control, or deceive others, rather than using them to inspire and motivate. Perhaps you have struggled to channel your creativity in a way that benefits yourself and others, and as a result, you may have suppressed it altogether. You may also feel that you lack consistency in your endeavors, which can lead to wasted potential or a lack of progress. You may struggle to be honest and coherent with your thoughts and actions, which can lead to a sense of confusion or frustration. Despite these challenges, you deeply understand that you have the potential to overcome them and tap into your full potential.

How do you think others see you?

You believe that others perceive you as a deep and dynamic individual, characterized by a continual process of transformation and evolution in your life. You feel that they recognize your innate ability to undergo significant metamorphoses and serve as a catalyst for change. You sense that others regard you as someone who wields profound influence, capable of instigating transformative shifts within themselves and their surroundings. You believe that people perceive your resilience and profound depth, viewing you as a revolutionary figure who fosters renewal and facilitates healing processes. You think others see you as a radical person.

What do you project?

You appear to be experiencing a sense of detachment from your expertise and proficiency. You project that your level of engagement with your work has diminished compared to previous times. Your attention and organizational skills seem to be faltering, leaving others with a feeling of uncertainty regarding your reliability and dependability. It appears that practicality eludes you, and you are out of harmony with those around you, resulting in a lack of confidence in your abilities both professionally and in your daily pursuits. Your friends or colleagues may detect a noticeable disconnect, sensing that you are not resonating on the same wavelength as before and that your connection with them has weakened. Don't take this as a further discouraging message. Remember that this is also part of your journey so embrace it, and seek to realign at your own pace. You may be projecting this however it doesn't have to be the truth about you.

How can you improve your image?

Enhancing your image begins with embracing both your triumphs and setbacks, as they are integral parts of your journey toward personal and professional growth. By acknowledging and learning from your experiences, you pave the way for self-improvement and evolution. Make time for introspection, allowing yourself to release any burdens and cultivate gratitude for the lessons learned. Reclaim your power by reframing disappointments as opportunities for growth and resilience. Stay proactive in seeking out avenues for advancement and expansion. Re-center yourself by decluttering not only your physical surroundings but also your mental and spiritual spaces. Through this deliberate process of self-care and empowerment, you position yourself to thrive and radiate confidence in all aspects of your life. Remember that you can't grow new flowers until the old ones have decomposed into soil. Focus on growing new flowers, not in the decomposed old ones.

Who/How are you?

You have a vibrant persona thar radiates humor, making interactions with you a delight. You exude a carefree optimism that uplifts those around you. Your approach to life is characterized by a refreshing lack of attachment to material possessions, opting instead to savor experiences with an insatiable curiosity and boundless enthusiasm. You embrace each moment as an opportunity for joy and discovery. Recognizing the analogy of life to a perpetual celebration, you conscientiously cultivate an attitude of a gracious host, ensuring that every encounter is filled with warmth and vitality. Your capacity to maintain a lighthearted perspective, coupled with an unwavering focus on the bright side of life, reflects a remarkable depth of wisdom and resilience. You have an infectious smile and unforgettable laughter, and you embrace your childlike wonder.

Thank you for supporting my blog. I love you.

CHECK OUT MY OTHER READINGS

Discover your NATAL BIRTH CARDS

Astro notes

Your beauty and how to enhance it

The Divine Feminine messages

Your natural gifts and talents

[wings-of-ink]

Checking in - Author Updates - Quick Poll

Hello all! I hope you are all doing well!

I wanted to check-in. I don't have a ton to say on development, just wanted to keep you in the loop on where I am at personally since it tends to affect production speed. I also have a question for you at the bottom.

As I've posted about before, this year has brought about some challenges for me. There aren't a ton of good developments on that front, and my job is being...difficult. The (technical) good news is that I am still employed, but some days I wish I weren't. (I'd much rather be writing IFs, lol.) There is still uncertainty about the future of my job because it is at the mercy of the whims of my government. But what is more pressing currently is that my employer has opted to treat its employees worse (let me tell you, this is a feat because they've never really treated us well), by making our lives and jobs harder. I've made some "worst-case scenario" plans to prepare, so I'm just getting by one day at a time. Oh...and I also have needed to work overtime again, so that's another time suck there. Ugh. In May, I'm taking a couple days of off for me to rest.

In more recent news, I am doing physical therapy...yippy! In recent months I have struggled with my right shoulder. I assumed it was one of those "you're in your late 30s" pains, and I just dealt with it. Don't do that, by the way. I have a very bad habit of just doing with little regard for pain and discomfort. But, it got difficult to hug without pain, and nothing messes with my huggin'. We really don't know what is wrong with my shoulder/arm, but I'm doing virtual (oooh shiny) PT (not the Silent Hill variety) to hopefully correct the issue. If I don't see results, I will need expensive tests and scans. No worries currently, though, I don't think this will slow me down much at all. I can still write and I don't experience any discomfort when I do.

I'm also still working on a coding class, which is self-paced, but I'm sticking to a lesson schedule to make sure I get it done. I would really love to be able to make improvements of my own to GC or even make my own Twine Template someday.

So, in more fun development news, Chapter 6 is growing steadily. And so is Chapter 5, technically. If you missed it, check out this Tumblr ask where I talk a bit about that. The ask and answer contain some slight spoilers for Ch 5 & 6, but nothing too specific.

Chapter 5 is up by a bit over 1500 words, if you're curious, and Chapter 6 is up to over 69k words. I am wrapping up a big moment for Zahn, which might be a bit heavy. After that, there's a more fun moment, which will present a few coding challenges for me, but I'm looking forward to it. *rubs hands together like housefly*

Finally, I have a question for subscribers or those who may want to sub in the future. I find myself wondering what else to post about at times. Especially when I have inordinately busy weeks, I just can't think of things that you may want to see other than peeks at the chapter. I sincerely wish I had more time to add more projects. I have so many ideas kicking around in my head...

So, I was wondering if you were interested in seeing things other than God-Cursed that I have worked on. These would be things that may or may not become much of anything later, so I wasn't sure if there would be much pull to see them (or if it would just be a cruel tease, lol). I have an incomplete IF that I did to help me learn Twine a couple of years ago. I used it to just get acquainted because I am very much a hands-on learner. It's a humorous and simple story (loosely) based on an actual time in my personal life. I have debated about finishing it. I have a couple of others as well where I was playing with a story idea to see how it felt. I also have a complete romance novel which I am slowly editing for publication.

Patreon, Ko-fi links if you want them.

So that's all for me. If anything big happens, I will let you know! ^_^

Take care, everyone!

~Lunan

[wolfofcelestia]

oh i agree. i think he’s very emotionally intelligent and very secure in his masculinity. even when they threatened to curse him as a kitty forever he was so unfazed because he literally couldn’t care less if he had to intimidate other underworld crime bosses with a fluffy tail and pointy ears.

he even walked out accidentally with a funny face mask MC bought for him and couldn’t care less about how people were staring 😂

but yeah he’s very self aware and just… very gentle. sylus gives me the impression of a person forced into a life they never wanted to live due to circumstances. and he’s so respectful of every person from every walk of life because he sees the complexities of society and socioeconomic backgrounds/unsavoury conditions.

like he’s always the first to be like “the N109 zone isn’t just a place for degenerates. it’s a place of business. if you don’t bother them, they won’t bother you” every time MC assumes people in these areas are just all slimy criminals. he calls out her prejudice in a very gentle way because he understands that most people in these parts of the city are victims themselves and are just trying to survive (reminds me of gotham)

even in abyssal chaos you can tell he has a deeper understanding on vagrant’s land and has respect for the way the people there live their lives and doesn’t judge or see things in a superficial manner. and challenges MC’s prejudice towards the people living there in what i’m guessing are “slum-like” areas? it’s so “politically informed and educated” of him honestly haha. he’s kinda like the morally grey people’s princess. he isn’t a hero but he does care for the innocent and wants to help the underprivileged. he never punches down. he only ever challenges corrupt people in power.

i’m excited to see what more there is to his story. how he became a crime boss and why. because seeing his personality, it feels kinda unlikely that he’d choose this path willingly. he talks about being tired of power struggles and bloodshed too much to actually want this, so my guess is he’s trying to stay at the heart of intel by running the N109 zone himself so he can stop the crime from within. he’s always been at odds with the judicial bodies so he’d rather die than be a cop. so he’s low-key a vigilante of sorts from what i see. but he’s also so reluctant to admit that he actually cares and seems to frame everything as selfish when it’s obvious he just likes helping people. hes so intriguing to me.

He strikes me as someone who fell into the role of being a big name in the N109 zone because he wanted to help those who were wronged, like he was, if you take his myth as canon. He has the strength to do it, so he uses his strength to shield those weaker than him. And if it means taking the brunt of the law, he would do that too, because as we've seen, he can easily escape. His evol and his aether core allow him to do things normal people would never be able to do, so he lends his power to help those less fortunate

His imposing figure and his willingness to help make him the perfect leader for a group that feels more like family as opposed to a rank and file organization. In the cafe, he asks you to rate your interactions with him and I feel like he would do the same with Onychinus, giving them surveys to keep tabs on what's going well and what needs to be improved

Even if he implies MC is the only one who cares about him, I feel like all of Onychinus would happily sacrifice themselves if he ever needed protection tbh. He was the one who took them in, treated them well, and protected them, and they would give him everything in return

Him being on the wrong side of the law fits into his desire for freedom. And some things just can't be done within the confines of the law. After all the injustices he's seen and experienced first hand, I don't think he has any respect for the law whatsoever, so he does what he believes is right to do what needs to be done. He's definitely a vigilante or at least an antihero

Sylus still needs more of his free 4* companions and anecdotes. Not to mention more 4* cards for him in general, so hopefully we'll see more sides to him in version 3!

[venomous-qwille]

Hi Qwille!

So I was wondering because I’m struggling with this myself- how did you continuously improve with art when you were first still building upon your skills? Like to get to a level that could be professional?

And I think I mean this in more of a mental capacity way. I tend to get angry at the fact that I’m not better by now and feel like I struggle by the skin of my teeth to improve from where I’m at every time, even if objectively speaking I’m already better than people would expect me to be.

I just feel like there’s a better way to go about it than being fueled by anger or spite. I enjoy art, and I’m proud of my work, but I don’t know how to *not* be angry at myself for not being better at it. How do you accept self criticism with grace when it comes to your work? Or how did you, when you were younger? If that’s a question you’re willing to ask, of course! Thank you <3

Hiya! So, I'll start out by saying that this is absolutely the hardest part about learning to draw/paint. The continuous failure and discontent with the work we produce is a constant struggle that is, I believe, the main reason people stop trying to learn at all.

It's okay to get angry and sad, it's okay to be dissatisfied. It's a very cruel joke that, as artists, our eye will improve faster than our ability to draw. We are constantly chasing a carrot that is being pulled further away from us. For me: my improvement was not constant. There were several points where I didn't draw for years, because of other life factors and because the art I was creating brought me no joy.

Things had to change when I decided that I wanted to do art professionally. I needed to improve and improve fast, so I bent a lot of time towards studies. I found that the things I got better at the fastest were the ones where I found studying to be really fun. I really enjoy copying master paintings- especially the nineteenth and twentieth century realists. Finding fun in doing them for the sake of doing them really helped me improve fast because it wasn't stressful- I was just creating art I liked, even if they were copies.

I think accepting that the main joy of art is in the creating, not the result, really helped me be at peace with my artwork. Also, becoming a professional artist and realising that I didnt own what I created- and that I was subject to the (often questionable) tastes of my commissioners/art directors/stakeholders really allowed me to unlatch my emotional self from my work.

Every piece is a step, sometimes you will hit your bellcurve, make the best thing you are currently capable of making- and fuck that feels good- but often you wont, and you wont know why you dont like it. Learning to enjoy the push towards those small moments, the slow improvement as you gradually grasp new skills, learning to love learning, that is the most curative thing. Once I started to enjoy failing, because it meant I was learning- and once I started forgiving myself for not picking everything up straight away- I was much, much happier.

It's okay for it to be hard and your emotions are valid. Forgive yourself for having them and try to find something you enjoy about the process. Recontextualise your mistakes as what they are: not a failure, but just another step up the giant mountain of your art journey. There is always a higher peak. The journey never ends. Stop looking at the top and just enjoy the view and the mountain air. (And for fucks sake don't compare yourself to other people. They're not even climbing the same landmass.)

[onlycosmere]

Brandon Sanderson on the length of Wind and Truth

PumkinFunk:  I appreciate Brandon being self-aware about the fact that he will struggle immensely to keep the word counts down for this series.

KiwiKajitsu: If only he had a better editor

PumkinFunk:  I know this has become a common criticism since Rhythm of War after Moshe Feder retired, but I don't think it's true. One of his editors for his books is Devi Pillai, the head of Tor Publishing Group. The Secret Projects were edited in-house and generally were good. He has a lot of people giving him feedback, both in-house and outside.

jmcgit:  If Brandon wanted to work on revisions for an extra 6 months to refine and streamline the book, he could do it. This is a Brandon thing, not an editor thing. What was Brandon working on up until the last minute before he had to turn the book in? He was working on making the book bigger, squeezing in more content that he wanted to add. Brandon will tell anyone who asks that he likes to write, and dislikes revising.

When an author gets big enough, the publishers and editors lose their ability to rein in the author or make certain demands. Brandon will do what he wants, and if Tor doesn't like it, they can cancel his contract and Brandon can self-publish.

Brandon Sanderson: I realize it's difficult to see behind the veil of publishing, and much is opaque, but this isn't what I was doing during the last few months--I was cutting the book significantly. However, rough draft didn't include Interludes or Epigraphs, which is why it got longer after I cut it down. This draft lost over 60k words, but then I added in the interludes and epigraphs (along with a few key scenes I decided were needed.)

So, let's be clear about a few things. No editor has ever--in my life--cut my books down. It's not what they do. They largely haven't suggested it. Every editor, Moshe included, has always suggested things to change or add--they don't do much trimming. That's all my job, and always has been. Yes, there is a line edit, which does help trim--but I haven't stopped taking those suggestions, and usually go much, much further on a page-by-page case than they suggest.

I dislike revision, which is important for me to explain because I want people to understand that even for someone who loves their job, there are parts I don't like. But I DO it. I do A LOT of it. It's the part I have to force myself to do, but I am very good at it--and if you follow my stories about learning revision, you'll find that I very clearly explain that I didn't get published until I mastered the thing that was hardest for me. I consider my it, perhaps, my greatest strength as a writer--my ability to look at feed back and apply it to improve books.

If they get long, it's not because I've lost an editor. Moshe's strong suit was always diction, not trimming--and Gillian (who does that job now) is quite accomplished at both. She's Joe Abercrombie's editor.

I realize it's odd, because "to edit" means to trim, but an editor doesn't usually trim books--they offer suggestions for changes on the larger scope, and sometimes do a line edit pass to clarify.

Stormlight books are not big because I can't stop writing. You can pick any number of my shorter novels and see I'm quite capable of doing something at a normal book length. Stormlight books are big because that's the art I want to make--and they are not, and never have been, out of control. I am perfectly willing to accept that the story I want to tell has not appealed to some in the last installments! But don't blame my editors. This is an artistic choice of mine, and their job has never been to change the art. I get the same amount of editing now as I ever have--and I take largely the same amount of their feedback.

Note: don't take this as a direct condemnation of you or some of the things /u/KiwiKajitsu said above. It's more that I want to be very clear about my goals, and the process. My stance is one of explaining, not arguing against your opinions, as those are valid and perfectly reasonable ones to hold.

I realize that a long comment reply isn't the best way to prove I can be brief, but I sincerely think the trope of "He got big so he lost the ability to be edited" is not one that I fall into--I am, if anything, the most edited person at the industry, and see more criticism and feedback of my books prepublication than any other author. Editors and beta readers collectively wrote some 800k words of feedback for me over the last two years, which I incorporate. Not just the, "Add this" but also the "this sequence feels slow or unengaging." I am extremely passionate about listening to, and incorporating, editorial feedback.

It's fine to not like what I do. But don't blindly make the argument that I write it, kick it out the door, and don't pay attention to the revision process while ignoring editors.

jmcgit: Hey Brandon, I appreciate the insight! I regret that my post may have come off as if you carelessly "write and kick it out the door", as I know how hard you and your team have been working on the book over the past months and years, and how passionate you are about getting it right.

Brandon Sanderson: No problem and no offense taken! I just see a lot of confusion about these things.

I am edited far, far more now than when I was when I started and nobody cared. Though, admittedly, I think the most editorial scrutiny I ever got was on A Memory of Light a decade ago. I probably get less now, but I also have way more extensive beta reads.

It's just a complex process. And, you also ARE right in your initial post that I could go over it again and again, and some authors do. I'm middle of the road on the number of revisions I do, by my experience. Not as many as someone like Pat R. does. More than a lot of authors. I do not subscribe to the Heinline philosophy of only editing when required by contract that is very popular these days. (This philosophy believes that your initial artistic instinct will be right, and you shouldn't undermine it later on. I am not a fan, even if some people I respect follow this philosophy.)

Anyway, your initial post wasn't far off; I just wanted to offer some more context for this thread.

[mindhealing]

Life Is A Costume Party!

Life is whatever you choose to make of it and it happens as you want it to, not as someone or some force somewhere is making of it and directing your life to be, it's all you, so whatever happens to you in your life and life experiences is of your own making and not someone or something else's. Your current life situation and life experiences is giving you an opening and at the same time the opportunity to re-evaluate and reexamine your life and life choices, desires, goals, and dreams and most especially needs, ask yourself right now "What do I really want and need in my life and life experiences? Your world as you know and understand it was made and created by you, via your mindset and the process of your thinking and feeling, which in most cases you aren't even aware that the most simple and mundane thoughts that you have within you, and which is followed by a corresponding emotion or feeling, can become strong and overwhelming, and will eventually manifest in your life and life experiences as your reality and the events, circumstances, the  happenings, situations and conditions of your life. It cannot be changed without you changing your way and pattern of thinking and feeling. Albert Einstein once said you cannot expect change from the same old state of consciousness and mind that created your problem and situation in the first place, he is absolutely right - if you want change effective immediately, then you must move from the current state of mind and consciousness into a new, better and improved state and space, that not only creates and maintain this new existence of yours but also sustains it and keeps it going.

It means that you must disconnect from the mind and it's attendant negativity, negative mindset, thoughts and emotions that have created your life and life experiences so far. Then reconnect with the divinity within you, your Higher Self which is your authentic self waiting to connect with you and show you the truth about yourself. It will take you by the hand and guide you on the best course to take in your life and life experiences and the best trajectory of life. It will help you see, know and understand how you have caused everything that has happened to you in your life and life experiences so far, and how you can get out of it. It will also help you to come to the realization that the only way to create and effect change in your life and life experiences, is to accept responsibility for your life and life events, and to also take responsibility and be accountable for wanting this change and improvement in your life and life experiences, not only to change but also in effecting and sustaining this change, by operating from this higher state of consciousness and mind, higher viewpoint and understanding of life and the events and affairs of your life. This will bring you to the point where you know and realize like the great poet Rumi did eons ago, that "Life is a costume party but you had come naked with your face" Now you know how to adjust to the varying nature of life and life experiences from the bad to the good, the failure to the success and the unhappiness and misery to the happiness and ecstasy.

Life is a dual existence with the opposite ends of creation and it's the nature of life for you to experience both sides, so it pays you to understand the dualistic nature of life and life experiences, so you can remain balanced in whatever life may be throwing your way in the form of challenges and problems, issues and situations, the struggles of every day living and how to make it through that day to the next day. When you learn to remain steady, steadfast and balanced in your approach to all situations, happenings and conditions of life, you find the strength and power, patience and preseverence, endurance and support to face all challenging situations and conditions head-on, and eventually over come them by understanding the lessons they have brought your way, learning the lessons and coming into the blessing inherent which is a new state of consciousness and mind, understanding and viewpoint. Whenever you find yourself doubting how far you can go, just remember how far you have come and yet you are still standing, remember that everything you have faced, all the battles, obstacles and blockages you have won, and all the fears you have overcome was all you and you eventually made it through.

Let life nurture you and refresh you because it will if you let it and yet at the same time, it can show you the magic and wonder of your reality and existence. Use your self awareness and consciousness as a springboard to shoot into new found stages and states of consciousness and mind, growth, development and evolution. Let your heightened awareness make you be, feel and do even greater things, more magic and wonder than you can ever believe you can do and be. Stop making excuses for yourself, your shortcomings and mistakes, errors and wrong judgements, it's okay, just learn to move beyond them, calmly understanding that your life and life experiences are lessons and not a life sentence on yourself. It's easy to want to be lazy and put off things to be done in the today - here and now, and the mind just loves to do that but train yourself not to put off until tomorrow all the things that you can accomplish today. Remember that  procrastination is truly a lazy man's excuse for inaction and dodging the inevitable. Make it happen now, in the present moment because tomorrow may never come.

You have gone through fire all these while yet you managed not only to survive but to succeed as well, now it's time to let those flames light the way forward into greater success and glory. In the roller coaster of life, learn to be grateful for everything, for all the ups and downs, the wins and losses, the failures and successes. Because without them -  the experiences, lessons and blessings of greater understanding and viewpoint of life that they brought you, you won't be where you are today, this new version of yourself that now sees, knows, understands and views life differently. Don't ignore your passions and dreams, aims and objectives, desires and ambitions, they will point you in the right direction, towards finding meaningful livelihood and career in your life. Never let a moment go by where you don't recognize how blessed you are right now, where you don't see the amazing grace and wonder of life and life experiences, and where you are truly grateful for the magic and wonder that your life and life experiences is becoming, and most especially for the many blessings of life and for the gift of life itself. Remember and understand that sometimes things may get worse before they get better, but they always get better than you ever expected in the end.

More to come.

[paridolii]

Hiii, sorry this is all sudden but I wanna quit, I could easily tell you why, no I don't wanna quit cause I hate you guys or I'm getting syber-bullied, you guys are all kind to me 100%, but I'm still a minor learning about what's wrong or right and it's also about my school which this leaded me to having bad grades, I wouldn't say it's bad but it's that I don't do any projects homeworks etc and it's effecting my school life and future I've had fake energies for socializing online, I mean that's what I understood you can correct me, all of this is about how I wanna improve my self I consider this a phase, it's fun doing moodboards but I don't think that's something I wanna do, after all I'm still building up my charcter I don't want this to affect me it's already have affected me and I regretted social media but I still continued on it and my grades wore not improving any bit, yes I am the type of person who can't focus on one thing, I believe I'm saying all of this cause I finally realized that I made real life friends and people who also consider me as their friends which I'm very happy of instead of getting stuck online meeting friends based on their maybe-fake personality, I'm not hating on anyone I just want to make my friendships healthy, you don't know maybe you are a criminal, p3d0, or a liar etc... friendships also affects me easily since I'm still a minor who doesn't understand how does friends work, I really do wanna stay as your online friend but I don't know if my hearts wants to make friends with strangers I don't even know their faces and ages, again I'm not talking about anyone I love all my online friends although I had lots of fake friends, and you know what online friends does help a bit with knowing if there is a fake friend or a real friend, I used to be an extrovert before realizing social media and this weird addiction after it my result is bad I've been calling my siblings to help me communicate with someone and I've been asking people for a help of communication and watching videos that could help me talk right with people and I'm really struggling with it especially that I can't speak my forgin language correct and the bully and hate I've been getting for it, I'm speaking with all my heart and i am so sorry for disappointing you guys but I really appreciate you guys for believing in me 🫶🏻 I was also tearing up a bit writing this 😭👍🏻, And sorry for taking your time and thanks for reading all of this.

[soupiestzilla]

Hey! I just wanted to say (im sorry its aon im just nervous) that i really like your art, its like eye candy to me haha, but i just wanna ask, any tips on getting better? Im not rlly loving my art rn :(

Hello hi hey

Dude. I have other asks to answer. And i am busy a lil, But this ask hit me man. I have to answer this

This is gonna be long. I am gonna be honest. And this will apply to other hobbies too. Literally every hobby. I am going to cheer you up anon grabs you.

(Pls read this if ur anyone struggling with self esteem with ur hobbies in general just. Grabs you all.)

Listen man, I really appreciate the compliments, truly, they mean alot to me- but i need to help you change your mindset about art a lil bit

Imagine if you rlly liked a tv show right, you'd wanna spend your time and watch the whole thing no?

Would you be searching up "how to get better at watching tv shows" and trying to speedrun the show? I know this sounds silly but this is really what ppl do with their art when they deem it "not good enough", and i just wanna ask you one thing

What are you gonna do when your art is quote "good", like- once u reach the standard you wanna reach- what next? Lemme tell ya, more art lol

Art isnt about trying to "get better", and this goes for any hobby man, doing things you dont enjoy while you're making art is just gonna make you have a bad relationship with your hobby

You do not need to *get better*, you can stay like this, for literally the rest of your life, you can draw the way you do now for the rest of your life and be happy about it, no one is allowed to stop you dude and yk what?

Do you not wanna draw everyday to "improve"?? Not wanna do figure studies??? Not wanna study anatomy???? THEN DONT! You dont need to listen to the artists on YouTube telling you draw a hand twenty seven times per minute or draw everyday for the next every hour of your life for a week. You do n o t need to do figure studies or whatever man, you can just do what you wanna DO! You ARE allowed to enjoy art however way you wanna! WHO CARES WHAT OTHERS THINK BUD????

One day i came home and went "man i need to get better at anatomy", and went to youtube and watched a guy make me draw it and practice it. Sure, some ppl improve from this, some ppl take their flaws as motivation. lemme tell you friend, i do not lol. Drew the practices once, got bored mid way, and never practiced that specific study ever again. Cus i just didnt wanna man

Another example, my friend, absolutely loves sketching, just rough sketches- no lineart- no colour. Was once approached by someone who said her drawings would absolutely look better if she lined and coloured and completed them ,and thus should focus on her "weaknesses" ,and learn colour theory and blah blah, so you know what she did???

Just kept sketchin. Never once coloured or lined anything, and i promise, its the only reason she keeps doing the sketching thing, cus?

Why bother doing something you dont wanna do man. If you like eating like tomatoes or something does that mean you must now dedicate your life to eating every tomato thing ever????

If you like doing something, that should be reason enough to do it!

I used to have a love hate relationship with my art, would sit infront of the page for so long thinking why even bother drawing if i wont be happy with the result, and now, it just irks me to think i let myself think so lowly of one of my biggest hobbies, something ive done basically my entire life- simply because other people were better at it than me

Man, rocket scientists exist. Doesn't mean you should erase your love of space and science. Masterchefs exist, does that mean you should abandon your love of cooking and baking???? BRO FISH EXIST DOES THAT MEAN SWIMMERS SHOULD ALL COLLECTIVELY QUIT AS A SPECIES LOL

I know this has been a long rant, but truly anon, i mean it when i say that instead of thinking about how to get better, think of ways to improve your experience of art, think of ways to improve your relationship with your work, how to make it enjoyable for yourself, more personal!

Wanna just study the art of artists you like? Do that! Make the experience more catered towards you, take stuff you enjoy viewing as food for thought, (something you prolly already know by experience if you've ever lived lol, but you're much more likely to learn if you actually enjoy the learning process)

(Do you wanna draw more in a way you've already seen someone? If it makes you happy, then search it up on youtube! Many popular artists (like, cartoonists, manga artists, just LOTS of ppl in general) have got videos on them of ppl guiding how they work, and if their art makes your brain do lil happy fits, then by all means, go off that! Dont needa go click the "how to improve in one week" videos lol.

I once watched a video of how aidarlo (the duo of authors of tbhk, one of who is tbhks manga illustrator) colours, and i absolutely adored it, the studies were actually effective man. Like, i was able to replicate her style so well in traditional i felt so happy lol, like it genuinely looked out of the show, all without even having to look up any of her art, and it only took one video opposed to the hundreds of other videos teaching art that wouldve taught me nothing, and im rlly proud of alot of my coloured pieces in her style in traditional, anywho!)

(obviously, this isnt a one and done of all of how art works, im just giving suggestions of how to actually enjoy and cater the art towards you lol)

Dont wanna study anatomy? Dont! Dont wanna draw eyes??? MAKE EM BLIND. dont wanna draw hands bro??? ARGGH PIRATE HOOK. idk lol, wanna draw something absolutely crazy that no one ever in the world would ever understand??? THATS WHY ART EXISTS DUDE!!

Go wild anon, please always feel free to talk to me if you dont like the way your art looks, I'll always be here to give you advice, i myself struggled alot most my life with my hobbies, until I finally stopped giving a shit and got the "yolo" mindset lol, anywho, bye bud! :)

[zengguos]

a few things I found interesting and wanted to expand on from courtney's collider ladies night interview about lottie.

● lottie is constantly trying to figure out who she is and if she's a good person. :(

● she thinks lottie (as her teenage self) does have a difficult time stepping up into leadership roles. courtney thinks she has faith in herself that what she's preaching is "100% and she's fallen into stuff", but she's not "comfortable with leading people yet." compared to how lottie is as an adult, she thinks that happens later but it will still "take a while." for that. courtney thinks she has "stepped into herself some more" though and has "stopped fighting the verison herself that she's found out in the wilderness and the verison of her that she's supposed to be at home" and "that gives her a lot of confidence" this season. I think that's interesting because there is a different air to lottie this season with how she's carried herself from episode 1-5, 6-8 and 9-10. she is more outwardly aggressive and forceful this season too compared to the others which does have shades of herself pre-crash.

● courtney sees lottie chasing the wilderness like it's an "addiction" for her // she feels that lottie thinks the best verison of herself is one that is connected to the wilderness and that can actually help the group through that.

● the axe murdering she thinks it makes sense for lottie to do that. it's just the whole intensity of it, with everything that is going on, the atmosphere, the trauma, the fear, the need to protect "her family" from this threat, everything just slips in her mind and she just goes for it. agreeing that no matter what she does even if it is murder, she's always doing it with good intentions wanting to improve her and her friends situation.

● the interviewer asking "how much do you think lottie cares about what other people think about her?" and courtney saying that it is a mix. lottie is "deeply ashamed of what she thinks of herself and she tends to think others secretly think that about her." sobbing right now, lottie's self deprecation and insecurities coming out again. but, pre-crash lottie was more "spicier" and "could give it back a little." I assume in the context if they saw her negatively and were mean to her here too. she had those walls to hide in, she was just a normal insecure teenage girl fighting back in an atmosphere she had to learn to protect herself in. "but I think she knows that everyone thinks she's crazy." — that self awareness again is what makes lottie's character so tragic. she knows this, but can't do anything to combat it. it really is an upsetting struggle many people with personality disorders go through (imo anyways with my own experience). she just has to accept it and move on for herself like always, like she's been used to in her life. :(

● courtney said during lottie's monologue about not wanting to leave, she was thinking about her parents and her life back then. how she was going to go back to how they viewed her as unwell. then thoughts of her going to be put in a hospital, put on medication to the point she's numbed out and not able to be her "full self". that she knows "no one is looking out for her" // "she won't have anyone looking out for her". which all actually ends up being true when she goes back. :(

● courtney said that lottie would have still stayed if tai and shauna didn't also choose to stay as well. "she would have stayed, then she would have freaked out a little... and then yeah."  // "she would have let them go, but then spiral downhill being like 'wait I should have gone.'" and the "reality" of the situation would settle in. but, it's still sad to see how badly she didn't want to go back. that she thought the wilderness was a better place for her, that back with her parents is more of a nightmare than this place. how in the moment she would rather die out here than continue to live on there. how it is selfless and selfish that she wants to stay. she wouldn't pressure anyone else to stay with her, or stop anyone else, yet to refuse rescue can be seen as selfish and everyone did see it that way when they all stayed despite her not making them. the fact that she'd be left alone is nothing new to her and she was okay with them going even if shauna and tai didn't stay + shauna making everyone else stay too. but, she's still a vulnerable person, a frozen in time teenager, in a hellish situation. of course she'd breakdown if they all left her out there fully alone and isolated with nothing and no one. again it's that split conflict within her. :(

● courtney thinks lottie's biggest regret is what happened to javi and that "haunts her a lot". even though "misty took her words out of context." yes! the first hunt! and the awareness of what everyone else did! it's such a huge thing for her to mentally take on especially after shauna's baby dying and shauna beating her to near death. that her self-blame (mixing with the pain and self deprecation she already feeling) is so intense it subconsciously feeds into the wilderness (which is her otherself, her defense mechanism) and its ideology. she tries to rationalise it, absolve the full responsibility of the situation from everyone, from herself, to protect herself and everyone by making it a part of the wilderness's wants. yet there's still that guilty consciousness that if she hadn't said that, would things have been different? so many layers! also that extended guilt she has towards travis and how she just wants to help him still feel connected to javi despite everything that has happened, even if she is using him to a certain extent to access the wilderness too. her line to travis, "I just wanted you to see that he's still here."

● courtney said lottie "had an inkling from the beginning when he [travis] pointed her in the direction of akilah that he is lying to her and playing with her." and when travis said he felt something out in the woods, lottie could tell he was "bullshitting". again, it really does show how aware she is and how intuitive she is. but, it goes back to the whole ignorance is bliss kind of thing, the whole there's no such thing as false hope and playing into these roles until a certain point. I find it interesting how courtney basically says she was entertaining travis to that point, but also the layers of guilt she has with the whole javi situation and how she genuinely cares and wanted to help him really complicates that whole dynamic even more. especially when courtney said they took many takes of that pit walking scene from different emotional angles. but ultimately in the scene lottie is aware that travis is trying to harm her, "she is trying to get to him" and "then there's this, like, you're pathetic, you tried to kill me" angle to it. I find that line between the cool antagonistic tension between them and sadness that it had to lead up to this point despite this push and pull between care, guilt and hatred within their dynamic very interesting.

● talking about lottie's dream sequence and the scream "there's a level of frustration with herself, the wilderness, where she is at" // "she's letting everything that she has pushed down just kinda rip". this deep guttural scream of anger at the antler queen wilderness image in her dream. she did that because she can't let her rage "out at anyone else" but "she needs to" so she's going to do it at the queen. which I find interesting because when you're asleep and dreaming, you are at your most vulnerable state and deep inside your own mind. it really questions her relationship with the wilderness again and this splitting between who lottie is. as her and as the wilderness.

● though she doesn't know, it is interesting that she still hasn't ruled out lottie being the one who burnt down the cabin too. especially after that episode 10 imagery.

● lottie is "playing both sides." when mari bumped into her. that she didn't want to upset the wilderness ("give it all up to make the wilderness mad"), but also she wanted mari, one of her teammates, to have "a fighting chance" to survive. I thought that was extremely interesting because again it shows the two sides of her fighting within her mind, how there is lottie and there is the prophet of the wilderness. the mindset of lottie who is connected to mari personally, who is her friend, her family out here, who wants to protect her too like everyone else (but shauna) going against the mindset of the prophet that sees the hunt as a necessity and needing to keep the wilderness on her side for the collective greater good. it's sad to see those moments were she is between both sides of her psyche.

● courtney on what lottie would feel like hearing about nat calling for rescue. that her reaction would "jump real quick" she would be "euphoric, but also freaking out". she knows this is good. she would know that "it is good for natalie", would be "excited" for nat, who was able to do that and now she could go home. but lottie would have to "sacrifice" herself and end up "not being well". it's that conflict again! she's so aware of the emotions and the troubles her friends go through and she wants the best for her friends, for the people she calls her family. but, she also desperately wants to cling onto this life that has given her a taste of everything she needed and is scared to go back. deep down she knows its the right thing, but her mind, her emotions, her rationality is so skewed and doesn't make sense so this jumping is understandable. the whole we can leave, we can't leave, I can leave, I can't leave, we can go home, no that's not home. it's a mess because she can't stay linear in her mind that's going through this intense psychosis that has split herself into fragments within her mind. with there being lottie and her wants and desires, the prophet and unknowingly the wilderness.

● courtney: "that's the thing about lottie, everything is like deeply sad." :(

[thetarotwitch111]

How can you improve your self esteem? - Pick a card witchcraft

One of this piles actually resonated so much for me that i even teared up. May your guides and the Universe lead you to find the best information here too. Axé!

✨Enjoyed the reading? A tip would be a sweet way to help me keep these free insights coming. Thanks so much for your support!

✨ I always use tarot cards and oracle cards for the reedings. Here i used the tarot, the work your light oracle and the prism oracle.

✨ I also channel messages from my guides and add them to the reading.

✨I hope this reading brings you some clarity and guidance. If it resonated with you, I’d love to hear about it!

✨ And if you’re looking for something more personal, I also do individual readings—just DM me anytime.

✨ TIPS ✨

Close your eyes, take a deep breath and ask you guides and the Universe take you to the message you need to read right now.

✨1 - the potion

it’s time to let go of the past and any feelings of regret or missed opportunities. You’ve been holding on to some friends that you’ve lost, and that have left you feeling down, but there’s a reason for all that. They cleared the path for something better that aligns more with who you are now. You’re about to meet people so much more aligned to you and your energy. You’re on the brink of a major shift and being called to open up to new possibilities that are way more in tune with who you are now, not who you were in the past. This is about recognizing that the past doesn’t define your future, your choices do. Start accepting that those chapters are closed and focus on the new opportunities that are coming your way. This shift in mindset is the first step to feeling more confident and at peace with yourself.

And also, step into your power! You’ve got all these dreams and desires, and sometimes it feels like they’re just floating around in the ether, waiting to be grounded in reality. You’re someone who feels deeply, loves deeply, and maybe even dreams with your head in the clouds sometimes. But now it’s time to bring those dreams down to earth and start taking real steps towards them. This is about letting your inner romantic and creative self out to play, whether that means diving into a project, expressing your feelings to someone special, or simply embracing the things that make your heart beat a little faster. Life is too short to hold back, so go ahead and wear your heart on your sleeve. You’re more powerful when you’re true to yourself.

Witch’s advice:

Make a me time with a simple ritual: start with a cleansing bath, from head to toe, using a infusion with lavender, basil, rosemary and chamomile to wash away any lingering doubts and negative energy that might be holding you back. As the water soothes you, imagine it carrying away all your worries and leaving you feeling refreshed and ready to embrace the new and dont rinse off.

After your bath, keep a piece of rose quartz close to your heart and meditate on who you truly are, what you love, and what you want for your life. This crystal will help you nurture that self-love and remind you that you’re worthy of all the good things coming your way. Pair it with citrine, a crystal that’s all about abundance and joy, to attract those positive vibes and keep your energy high.

And because a good cup of tea never fails, brew yourself some dry orange, lavender and vanilla tea. As you sip, take a moment to reflect on what brings you joy, what lights you up, and set an intention to bring more of that into your life. You’d be amazed at how a simple ritual like this can shift your energy already. ✨

✨2 - the oracle

You've been in a bit of a struggle lately, haven't you? It feels like there's been a lot of tension, some conflict, but the good news is that the chaos is starting to calm down and now you can actually hear yourself think. That’s huge because your intuition is seriously on fire right now. You’ve always been someone who picks up on things that others miss, and lately, you’ve probably been keeping a lot of that to yourself, just trying to figure out what’s up. But here’s the thing: you need to start trusting those vibes and letting them guide you. You know what’s best for you, even if it feels like no one else gets it.

it looks like you’re ready to make some bold moves. You’re clear-minded, determined, and you know what you want and nothing is going to stand in your way. Just be careful not to rush things too much. remember that sometimes the best action comes from a mix of speed and strategy.

Also accept that you’re not exactly like everyone else, and that’s f****** perfect! Own it. Sometimes you feel like a total weirdo, like you’re from another planet or something, right? But guess what? That’s your superpower. You’re not here to blend in; you’re here to shake things up. You’ve got this unique way of seeing the world, and yeah, it might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but that’s exactly what makes it so important. The world needs people like you who aren’t afraid to question the sistems, to push boundaries, and to bring in fresh perspectives.

So embrace your weirdness, share your thoughts, even if they’re not what people expect and trust your instincts, because they’re leading you exactly where you need to go. The more you lean into who you really are, the more confident you’ll feel. And don’t forget: Your voice is powerful, so use it.

You’re about to wrap up a huge chapter in your life, and it’s going to feel so good. Everything you’ve been working on is coming together, and you’re stepping into this new phase where you can finally breathe and enjoy.

Witch’s advice:

Get some rosemary and boldo infusion for a cleansing bath, head to toe, with no rinse, to clear away any lingering bad vibes and sharpen that intuition even more. Light a white candle to connect with your higher self and set those intentions and grab some amethyst to keep your energy calm and clear, and carnelian to keep that motivation high. You’ve got this, babe. Now go out there and rock your world. 💫

✨Pile 3 - the candle

I can see you’ve been feeling pretty low lately, maybe like you’re out in the cold, struggling to find your footing. It’s like you’ve been dealing with some tough times financially, emotionally, or maybe even both, feeling isolated, or like you’re facing these challenges all on your own. But really, it’s just a phase. This is a moment where you can start shifting that energy. You’re stronger than you think, and there’s a light at the end of this tunnel. Trust that you’re never alone, even when it feels like it. The spirits are with you, guiding you through the darkness.

You’ve got this incredible spark, this passion and confidence that just shines when you let it. You’re a natural leader, someone who can take charge and inspire others. This is a time to really step into that power, to remember who you are cause you got a lot to offer the world, my dear. Even when life’s hard, you’ve still got that fierce energy inside you. It’s time to reignite it and use it to your advantage. And you’ve got that golden touch for your dreams with the wisdom and the practicality to build something solid, something that will last.

And you’ve got that golden touch to make your dreams come true with wisdom and the practicality to build something that will last. This is about laying the groundwork for the future you want. Be patient, be steady, and trust that the seeds you’re planting now will grow into something beautiful and abundant. You have the strength and the skill to turn your visions into reality! believe that, and keep moving forward.

And oh, the celebration that’s coming your way! You’re on the verge of a big win, a moment where you’re going to feel truly proud of yourself. It’s like all the hard work you’ve been putting in is finally paying off, and you’re going to have a reason to kick back and really enjoy the results. This is about feeling supported, loved, and recognized for everything you’ve achieved. Don’t shy away from celebrating your victories cause you’ve earned this!

But, there’s still some shadow work to do. It’s time to break free from the old patterns, the ones that have been passed down through generations. These cycles of pain and rejection—they’ve been with you for too long. Now is the moment to cleanse yourself, to release what no longer serves you, and to step into a new way of being. This is about healing those deep wounds, not just for yourself, but for those who came before you and those who will come after.

Witch’s advice:

I want you to light a purple candle and set the intention to break those ancestral ties that have been keeping you in negative cycles. Ask your guides and the universe to bring in the energy of transformation and transmutation. Let that candle be a symbol of your commitment to moving forward, free from the past.

Also, do a cleansing ritual. Use herbs like sage or palo santo to cleanse your space and yourself, removing any lingering negative vibes. And since you’ve got some deep transformation energy around you, keep a piece of obsidian and an amethyst cluster. These crystals will help absorb any negativity and protect you as you step into this new era.

[thequietkid-moonie]

Finding his depressed child self-harming

[ SCENARIO ] [ Shota Aizawa ]

[ My hero academia / Boku no hero academia ]

⚠️ Mention of depresion, self-harm, blood

The person who requested this wanted to stay anonymous

WUUUUAAAAA !! TAKE THIS !!! ** Moonie uses ultra comforting fic and ends their turn **

The moment Aizawa decided to have a child, either by adopting or forming a family with someone else he was well aware of the responsability he was taking, so since the start he made sure to have a really good support network for you in case anything happened and he couldn't be there for you or just if there was something he couldn't help you with. Also, he is quite busy all the time with his pro hero work and also being a teacher but he always tries to have time to be with you, at least enough to make sure you are doing alright, to heard what you have to say or just remember you that he loves you

When he got to know that you struggle with depression Aizawa first made sure that you understand that this wasn't your fault and you weren't alone, he will be there for you to help you as your father, he isn't judgemntal and tries to help you improve at the best of his habilities, he had never wanted to show you the true extent of his worries for you since is his way to protect you

Aizawa is quite busy all the time and even exhausted by all that work and yet he always take time to be with you, completely ignoring the posibility of you feel guilt or like a burden since he thinks he is doing the whats best for you

Aizawa feels his world crack under him the moment he found you self-harming, seeing your blood running out across your skin and the blade that caused it to you nearby is too shocking, it hits him hard and make him frustrated to himself, he has being trying really hard to protect you but he had failed, he feels like it has failed you and even blame himself to some extent, if only he paid more attention, if only he was here to prevent it

But even if there is a storm in his heart and mind Aizawa finds the strength to take a deep breath and gently help you take care of the wound, keeping you close and reasuring you that he isn't angry nor disappointed at you, he is just worried, there is a storm inside of him but he knows that he has to be the pilar for you in this moment, you are the one in the worst state of mind and he won't fail you in this again

Aizawa treats you gently and with patient the whole process, he himself treat the wound (a little messy but is done with care and love), limiting himself to answer to anything you have to say, if you say sorry he tells you to don't worry, if you ask if he is mad he calmly reasure you that he is not mad, is surprising how calm he can be but that would break if you start crying or insist on apologizing, if you breakdown like that he will hold you close as some tears escape from his own eyes

You two will have a serious conversation after this, he wants to know everything about this, if it is the first time he would be a little more relieved but if not it would make him feel more frustrated, in any case he will ask you to please don't do it again along with the promise to help you get over it, since he was already making sure you recive proper treatment for the depression it would only add the self-harming tendency

The imagine of your blood running out across your skin is a imagine that will hunt him down for a while, even after you two have talk about it he just can't not worry for you, his mind is still racing with worries and questions about what could have lead you to think that you deserve such thing, and, honestly, due this people can notice him more distracted in his free time

After this Aizawa will try to be more present on your life and do what he has to do to show the support you need, he is you father after all, he not only has responsabilities with you but also wants to see you well for the love he has for you. The people of your support network will end up knowing this since that people is the one he trust to look after you if something happens to him, besides they have grow to love you so they obviously be worried about you too (but non of them will judge you or talk about it until you feel completely comfortable to open up)

[luveline]

i Always want to hear about ur life u never have to ask to post an update on ur own blog

warning for talk of weight please don’t read if you don’t want to!!

So, just a further preface that i think all bodies are beautiful, but also know that fatphobia is soul destroying, and I don’t want anyone reading this to think that I beleive I’m more beautiful now ive lost weight, only that I feel more beautiful and that’s cos of so many things! Please, if I mention one of my feelings, know it isn’t because I think fat people aren’t beautiful it’s just because I have so much like self hatred in my head and it’s quieter now I have recently gone down another dress size, so that’s like four since I started dieting, which is a nice non-scale victory, but also I can see a difference physically in my body and it’s so exciting 😭

it makes me so happy to start wearing new clothes while feeling less insecure, if that makes sense. Like, I’ve recently discovered that I can wear clothes with necklines that aren’t simple t-shirt style to the throat, and it is amazing. I feel so pretty all the time to get to actually express my own taste in fashion without having a voice in the back of my head telling me I look ridiculous, which isn’t to say I’m now perfect but it’s just so different to put on top with little sleeves or to wear a slim fitting shirt. I’m still definitely considered fat I think, or chubby, at least to some people, and I don’t mind that at all, like I know I still have rolls and love handles, but the last 20lbs ive lost had made the most noticeable difference in my appearance. I feel like ive been dieting anf working out for years (I haven’t though only 9 months) and its a tiring process, not fun to be in your head, but also feels at least a bit worth it to get to have a confidence boost? Like!!! And the best part really isn’t so much the aesthetic as the health improvements for me, like taking an hour long walk around the fields and getting home feeling invigorated rather than exhausted, and my hormonal issues improving naturally cos of it is great! I also had a very honest conversation with one of my friends about how much I miss her and talking to her more, and like trying to explain to her why I haven’t been asking to see her as much, and like just getting to know we’re on the same page about so much stuff is such a relief, I struggle to be honest with her and my other friends and I still wasn’t as truthful as I could’ve been about everything, but I guess I used to always think that she was cooler and sweeter and nicer than me, and she is really, but idk I felt like I wasn’t such a terrible evil thing either. also had a different honest conversation. With a different friend and I’m trying to be like less ? not annoying but less frustrating as a person, like to be braver about things, and I think it’s working! work is actually bad!! like idk I keep getting in trouble for things that I can’t actually help. Yesterday I got told off for talking but it was literally my coworker telling me to go back to the pod cos my manager had a dif task for me and my managers manager saw us talking and told me she was gonna start calling me elvis ?? But honestly I can’t own up to feeling miserable about it, I think she just runs out of stuff to do sometimes, or maybe I do deserve a telling off for my two second chat 😭 not even in a sarcastic way cos like she’s my boss right if you see me stealing work time you gotta say something. And then my section leaders anre anlso a little unhappy with me sometimes cos I’m not that good any my job, but I did ask for more hours against my better judgement BECAUSE! I’m finishing university in 1 month and two days, which is scary, but I’m glad it’ll be over, cos I can’t say I like it. Doing assignments gives me a headache!! And then five days after I finish uni I’m going to Manchester to see DJO!! so it’s a great celebration.I have been walking a lot more, and I think it’s really helping. Like even though at work I’m on my feet from clock in to clock out walking around, I think walking outside is really good for me (and everyone of course). It’s like even though it’s such a long walk to get from my house to town, getting over it has widened the world up a little bit, and has stopped my mam from being annoyed with me if I ask her to get me something while she’s shopping.

I honestly think that my hair cut has like transformed me maybe? Like along with the weight loss. Seeing it, I can’t understand why I ever had long hair. It just suits me so much. I’m not great at styling it all the time yet so sometimes it looks like puffy from blow drying but it’s great and the sunshine lately makes it a much lighter colour, like I’m still clearly a redhead but it’s just nicer lately. I think I really did used to hide behind my hair and now it’s all gone but I don’t feel exposed, it’s just like a cute accessory or something haha im definitely bummed about how little I’m writing but things have been so crazy lately, I think trying to keep a schedule with it would exhaust me to the bone, but I did write a little fic of Spencer and bombshell at the beach and I love those two so much, and I’ve been adding little bits to other long fics, so it’s not like nothing is happening.also haven’t been reading very much, but maybe now ive kicked ***** *** to the curb i can remember my me-time, i was really enjoying reading again, my kindle was in shock from actually being used! I’m trying to make this summer the best of my life so far cos im so rubbish ive never done anything exciting and im REALLY trying to remember to get my passport! I might tomorrow walk over to the shops and get my photos taken so i can finally submit a new application. But for the mean time ive got three concerts to look forward to and a little holiday to west wales in July!! Found out my estranged father is going to Puerto Ricoand got super jealous, like, he’s the worst and he gets to go to Puerto Rico?? Beautiful Puerto Rico???? I think there was something else I wanted to mention but I can’t remember. Today, both my older sisters came over and so it was just my mam and all my sisters and my mam made us an amazing roast dinner, it was genuinely amazing, and she spent so long cooking, it was really nice and luckily everyone had a good time. My nan gave me a £5 note for Easter to buy an egg cos she didn’t manage to get me one and it reminded me of when I was little and every time you’d go to her house she’d try to give you money😭 so cute 😭 also this isn’t an update but I put the £5 in my savings tin cos I’ve had one since before I started dieting and I have no clue how much is in there but I’d love to know. Does anyone else have one of those metal tins you have to tin open to get into? I really want to know how much is in there because I’ve always just tried to put my change in there, but if you open it — you know how much money is in there and it stops being savings, it’s just money added to what you have, or at least it would be for me. And i want to use it to buy some new clothes when I get to my next goal weight, which is about 20lbs away, so I likely won’t know what’s in the tin for a while. Anyways if you read this far I love you and I’m glad you care enough to bother! Life is so hard sometimes and I’m sure some of you have witnessed me in really rubbish moods, but even though things aren’t really perfect right now I feel alright for a change, like, I just feel normal, not perfectly well rested or like 100% content but it’s sooo nice to not want to hurt myself and to just watch TV without constantly checking my phone!! I worked a lot last week cos I kept picking up shifts but this week I don’t have to go until Friday, so luveline gets to be in the house for like 100hours. I have to do some of my uni assignments cos these last two are the most important ones both worth 40% respectively, but besides that nothing is expected of me, which i am insanely grateful for !! As I am for you if you’re reading, thank you for wanting to know my inane life update

[redfacedpalindrome]

You said it perfectly in your mini essay, Charles not winning a wdc ever is the most nauseating feeling ever. I feel like my world collapses every time I think about it, even though I know I shouldn’t self project into him like this, I just need him to win one in order to feel fulfilled in life.

i am so sorry that it’s taken me so long to get to this ask! honestly, it’s because i really wanted to respond to this ask from a hopeful perspective and i just couldn’t grasp onto it for a bit.

bahrain didn’t help. bahrain was a brilliant fucking drive and everything went ‘right enough’ (except for the jesus fucking hards and safety car) and still, it seemed like it wasn’t enough.

watching the past four races has felt sisyphean, so i absolutely cannot imagine what DRIVING the last four races must have been like.

i also project onto charles a fair amount, and it’s something i’m trying to work on because genuinely the more i project onto charles the more i feel entirely irrational anger towards everyone else on the grid and i always wanted this blog to have relatively measured takes and not be anti- really anyone while still being a charles supporting blog.

i think a big part of why it feels so world ending to me is that charles can’t “try harder” to fix it. i fear no other sport relies on circumstances the way f1 often does- it requires a perfect storm. and ferrari is both generally incompetent and unlucky and that’s a BAD combo. if charles doesn’t have any autonomy to improve all on his own, it feels like nothing will ever get better.

and then i watched rory mcilroy win the master’s yesterday after ELEVEN years without a majors win. and obviously these are not 100% comparable scenarios but go with me here: we call charles il predestinato for a reason. we need to believe that the moment to be a champion will come, and when the chance comes he’ll take it.

i think one of the big reasons i am so afraid of charles never winning a championship that i talked about is that i don’t want the motorsport community to forget him. i want him to have a legacy. but legacy comes in a lot of different forms: rahul dravid, who once played for the indian national cricket team, never tasted a win for his country when he was actually on the team. he came back decades later to coach a world championship winning team, and when they DID lift the trophy i got to see it in my parents, my uncles, my aunts- it was like no time at all had passed. it was like rahul dravid had won it for them in the first place.

i believe in charles 100%, the WDC will find him. but even if it doesn’t, he already has a legacy. he will build more of a legacy. and even if he’s never a champion, i know i will never forget him. the lecfosi are never going to forget him. and things that happen beyond my lifespan in motorsport aren’t too high on my priority list.

the fulfillment question is a struggle. i think for now we have to be patient too- take the wins we’re given and wait. hopefully we will find fulfillment as well.

my god it’s another mini essay i was gonna joke that i’m catching strays but it’s just completely accurate. again, sorry for the delay! i hope that when charles wins a wdc 1) my blog will still be active and yours will too and 2) i get to respond to an ask that’s just incomprehensible joyful screaming!