#theyre all open...... i dont care......... people are allowed to make things out of them...................

[short-and-ugly]

coughs coughs hacks

[the-indigo-symphony]

top 5 tips for someone who is pretty sure theyre a system but dont know anything about their alters or plurality?

If I tried to order all my tips in order of recommendation we'd be here forever as I reorganize them endlessly, so I'm just going to give you the first five tips that come to my mind.

Don't push yourself to figure everything out immediately! It's fine and perfectly normal for self-discovery to take time. And you don't want to rush anything that might require delicate work, like the possibility of trauma that's been tucked away somewhere or conflict between alters just becoming aware of each other. As interesting as questioning would be as a speedrun category, you sadly cannot speedrun figuring out who you are and how your life may be changed in response to something like this.

Decide for yourself how you feel about roles and labels. You can have a billion of them, you can have none of them, you can make your own, you can have ones that seem "contradictory" at first glance, you can have super specific ones, you can have the vaguest ones known to mankind. Don't let anyone tell you how you should or should not feel about roles or labels.

Keep a journal! It can help so much to have something outside of your head to keep track of everything. Something you did was oddly plural? You feel this way about something whereas you felt this other way about it earlier? You think you might not be a system after all but enjoyed the introspection anyway? It's all there for you to get out of your system (no pun intended)!

Similarly to the last one, use a template to create profiles for your maybe-alters. You can branch outside of this later, but early on, when you're trying to figure out who everyone is and what you're doing, it can help a lot to have a clear-cut list of questions to answer (or pass on). And remember to include something silly or fun as one of the questions so it's not all super serious and intimidating!

If it turns out you are plural... don't neglect intrasystem bonding and your overall system health. It's easy to get caught up in how things are going in the meatspace; how you're going to balance your life out here, but... you all need and deserve some time and space to be yourselves, too. Accommodate for individual expression where you can. Organize bonding activities with your alters. Be polite to them. Don't push them to be open about themselves if they're not ready or berate them for not perfectly masking if they can't. Even if you don't see each other as individual people, you each have all of a person's needs for individuality and respect. Allow them to be themselves. Allow yourself to be yourself. And don't be afraid to care about each other. That's how you build a healthy system, like how you'd build any other kind of healthy community.

I hope these tips help!

[spiders-notagain]

Misc Headcanons

[Stuff I don't know how to make its own post]

legendary lost city buried under the sand somewhere; minecraft buried cities style

cliff cities- used to be a big fortress now just used for daily living

mostly specific monasteries

extremely good water recycling system- technology to make water out of hydrogen and oxygen in the air

if breakfasts are things that are easy to obtain then plomeek must be obtained regularly (e.g. grown throughout the year, incredibly hardy plants)

valley cities- alderaan style

shikahr historically very good land, less earthquakes and harsh conditions

large areas of the planet irradiated by radiation and theres not much they can do about it, no ones allowed to go there without special protection

some areas that are civilized have been ruined by their ancestors and are only just starting to restore its natural state

no birthdays but some places have a quincenera coming of age equivalent * sometimes in addition to the kahs-wan and taloth trials

Vulcans are pretty direct and so an acceptable form of making friends (although its really more like conversation partners) is to go up to a person and tell them that you share an interest and would like to talk about it. This is no guarantee youll ever interact again though.

Vulcan has a lot of jobs that are restricted to native citizens

Need mental contact to survive as babies the same way humans require touch

Tight knit families heralding from olden days. Almost mafia like in its web of connections. Additionally, alliances with certain clans meant status and power.

Alot of infighting between clans in the earlier days also

Similar to Ant colonies underground

Buildings have sections above and below ground

Above ground, buildings protected from sandstorms. Few windows, more doors. The less open to the elements the better.

Sehlats were tamed more recently than dogs, usually they would offer protection to the vulcans in exchange for food

Black and brown hair extremely common, genes for blond or red hair extremely rare

Early books made out of leather and a cotton-like fiber

later books made out of stone paper

Water very rare, lots of it is a sign of wealth.

Given the newness of logic, theyre not very good at it and struggle to apply it in day to day life. Additionally theyre good at lying to themselves about what emotion they may or may not have

Multiple different sects bc everyone has a different opinion on whats logical

Some are better adjusted than others because some try their absolute best to

Very preppy- high ego, strong social classes, pretentious, hide any faults, care alot about their reputation, fear being ostracized in their own community, many social rules

vulcans generally prefer to keep humans away from their sehlats because humans try to be overly affectionate with them and end up severely harmed

Vulcans get hit with winter depression even harder than other species but deal with it better. Their own ships are set up to have sun lamps all over the ship.

vulcans view mental illnesses with the same seriousness as physical ones.

not only can vulcans pass on mental disorders to their children but also strong phobias (and some philias) even those obtained through later trauma

typically mothers during pregnancy thought to occur during the mental bond

the prenatal mental bond can pass on memories as well but are typically suppressed till adulthood. its more of a folk wives tale thats corroborated enough that most people agree but technically had little proven evidence until recently

vulcans think murder by drowning is one of the worst most senseless murders ever

vulcans be like  🤓☝️well actually-

vulcan school systems dont have an above and beyond grade because the highest possible grade to get is by default you meeting the acceptable standards. that said, they do have extra awards given out for such behavior. although acceptable standards by vulcan standards is somewhat higher than is what is the case for human standards

vulcan kids still do the same 'kid logic' thing as humans because theyre trying to reason and understand the world using the logical reasoning skills being taught to them but they dont have enough information to make it accurate

Vulcan vegetables are bred to have a higher concentration of nutrients, a project that has been in development for the thousand some years since the awakening

passive cooling methods going back thousands of years; more advanced than human technologies

windcatcher like structures built to incorporate: the structure of the house, local weather, local geographical phenomena, etc.

heavily populated cities may have hybrid cooling systems that are integrated with modern technology to increase efficiency, this is less common in more rural areas where ppl are more likely to be 'if it aint broke dont fix it'. in most cases though they were so well designed that not much is needed aside from general maintenance

depending on the location, most vulcan homes are designed with the concept that a bedroom is exclusively for sleep and like wardrobe changing. you dont usually engage in hobby activities, doing those in a separate entertainment room or in the equivalent living room

like the rest of their society, vulcans incorporate more circles into their architectural designs than humans do and less squares than humans do

glass art is one of the oldest vulcan art forms. their planetary conditions work very well for it: lots of sand, high heat. and its an art that features alot of mathematically appealing shape language

ex. those curvy glass vases with the holes, floor mosaics with tinted glass, stained glass windows, suncatchers, etc.

in ancient times, betrothal jewelry (and other ceremonial purposes) were made partly with copper wire crafted from the blood of their enemies. some of these pieces (and spare wires) still exist. Vulcan clans that still practice this, obtain the blood ethically from dead animals (or in extremely rare occasions, consenting dead relatives)

STARSHIPS

Constructed so that every system is at max efficiency when used exactly perfectly how its meant to.

Its interlocking systems mean that it has millions of tiny unobtrusive glitches that can happen to the point where one can reasonably predict based on the type of glitch exactly what deeper system is failing and why

While it has normal passwords it mostly relies on each person to have their own special bioelectric pattern that is measured each time a user touches the console in order for them to input anything at all

They dont like outsiders on their ships as crew because they make tiny mistakes that while easily fixable, can mess up major systems

Sun lamps all over the ship as natural lighting, they gradually turn off according to the vulcan solar cycle and are replaced by a secondary lighting system that mimics candlelight. Although its kinda dark for humans its just fine for vulcans

Because of the size of their ships, they often have really large 'halls' that take up multiple decks and serve as visual space for the different wings connected to them

the vulcan warp rings compared to the human twin nacelles serve different attributes with the analogy being like a train versus a car. trains are faster but theyre also bulky, dont slow down well and arent designed to make quick on the spot diversions

[mazzystar24]

exactly! i wanted to like tommy tbh i liked him in 703 and 704. 705 was meh to me. i couldnt really find it in myself to care because the entire episode was about buck freaking out about telling eddie. 706 just made me ???? because of the bachelor party scenes. like why are we having the new bf dismiss buck at every turn while eddie is all in if they want us to root for this man. he wouldve had to change at work anyway so why didnt he dress up. then again in 709 he’s just shooting down bucks joy with the “enjoy it while it lasts” thing and then we already discussed 710. like sure buck made it a bit jokey but then tommy sounded completely serious when he said “no i dont. i hope you do though!” im someone who’s very sarcastic in her own humor and i couldnt tell he was joking. like i get that they want tommy to be snarky or whatever but something about it just falls flat for me. some of the comments he makes feel like stuff he shouldn’t feel comfortable saying yet to someone he’s only started seeing in the past couple months.

also the evan thing confuses me because lou said on cameo the script supervisor told him he isnt allowed to call buck ‘buck’. i wonder if thatll ever be addressed in s8 because that feels weird to me. especially since buck has insisted people call him buck in the past but idk if thats even anything to actually think about. like im not sure if the writers just dont know what to do with this man or if they’re actually writing him to be a short term thing. its so easy to add depth to their relationship and open up a chance to be vulnerable but they either choose not to entirely or give those moments to eddie -birthmark anon

NO SAME LIKE I AM DOWN FOR RIVAL LOVE INTERESTS TO MY SHIPS IF THEYRE WRITTEN WELL

I WAS MID TYPING I HOPE YOU DONT SEE THIS YET

Like I made a whole post about how the show bones had Hannah and she was the best and the way they wrote her made her GENUINELY likeable

And 911 couldve pulled that off so easily with Tommy but just keep choosing not to??? Like they are making (imo) very intentional writing choices that just don’t develop him or bucktommy very well when they could literally just NOT make those choices like they’re fully in control so while these things are realistic and can have good explanations the writers are intentionally choosing to include them and write them a specific way

Like idk about you but if I wanted people to aim for my couple I would go about it VERY differently

[velvetvexations]

Stalking, non-con, gore, drugging, raceplay, and cartoonish body horror anons under the cut!

if we're still doing kink asks: I have kind of a yandere kink but I'm the aggressor. I'm bipolar and probably bpd so really its just sexualizing my own mental illness, but I think about stalking someone's social media, slowly gathering everything about them from what they post online and then 'casually' bumping into them in person to force a meet-cute where I make myself seem like the perfect partner. I'm charming and polite and like all the same things they do and gosh your hair is so nice today. I just love your outfit. it looks... really good. I start slow so it doesn't come on too strong but we just keep running into eachother, so really it must be fate, huh? In reality I've ramped up the stalking. I keep taking photos of them on the street, ripping selfies off social media to jack off to because I can't help myself. really I'm trying so fucking hard to be *patient* and they should appreciate it, but I know they won't and god that just pisses me off. I'm putting in all this work for our relationship and theyre so fucking ungrateful. I've seen all the dumb video with that friend of theirs that clearly wants to fuck them and it just burns in my gut. They shouldn't be smiling at other people like that. they should only be happy with me or what fucking good are they? You know, so many people are way too trusting. You really shouldn't trust locks as much as you do. You shouldn't trust your neighbors to do anything if they hear you scream. And you really shouldn't trust some person you just met on the street a couple months ago. And then I keep them chained in my basement 24/7 stewing in their own filth until they apologize for upsetting me and admit they always loved me and wanted to be my stay at home spouse. it's tough love, but if they didn't push me to all of this then I wouldn't have to completely psychologically destroy them first. really its their fault I did all of this. then from there it spins out into a version of stepfordization kink where I make them into the perfect 50s style house spouse and bend them over my knee if dinner isn't ready on time because God is like they don't care about our relationship at all. aren't you even thinking about how this makes *me* feel? and all the while they're chained by a collar or the ankle to our marital home and aren't allowed outside at all until they get everything right to my impossible and capricarious standards. It's okay, honey. I know youre trying your best. Here, you can come make it up to me by doing XYZ, where XYZ is engaging in some fetish that specifically grosses them out and makes them uncomfortable, not because it gets me off but because they should be as upset as they upset me to properly apologize. and if they don't they can alway go back into the basement to relearn their manners. 💜

jeezy weezy anon yeah ditto to all that word-for-word

"not because it makes them uncomfortable but because they should be as upset as they upset me to properly apologize" you get it

I dont really like impact play but god damn by blood play kink is Bad. sometimes I just wanna cut someone open and feel the exact place that my dick is in them ya know?

I don't but God bless you, you're valid.

I really want a ----. Someone entirely in latex and leather that isn't really a person anymore, just a giant sex toy that I can drug and disorient and torture however I like. we don't *really* need a safe word, do we? Toys don't get to say no. God just imagining being too rough with someone in a ---- suit and ignoring when they safe word again and again because why the hell would a toy get to choose when we're done? Woof.

(that's considered a slur these days so I'm censoring it but I am not personally judging you for having used it anon)

I've never been into latex or leather but I appreciate the place it has in BDSM history and culture.

Kink confession: I’m super into raceplay. I’m a white woman and on the submissive side, so I’m right there with your other anons with kinks they struggle to find content for (stuff like BNWO is *so* targeted towards white *men*)

Porn in general is so rarely made for women. It's really weird sometimes.

I'm into vore, but only as the feedy. what I wouldnt give to have something wiggling in my stomach while I jack off. Or, you know how some people do cock vore/unbirthing? that but for my boobs. prying my nipples open and crawling inside to wiggle around until they become more boob or maybe milk when I come. I would also accept softer forms where they go in to help me have milky boobs by stimulating the nerves or w/e but they get sprayed out by the deluge

I have no idea what to say except "fascinating"

[elfanonymous]

obligatory having to live under fascist orangutan with bootlicker misogynistic family rant under cut 😊

this shit fucking sucks cause not only is trump destroying the united states when its literally only been like 4 days but my literal siblings support his ass no matter what . genuinely full blown dont see a problem with trump. never mind that were already losing global climate change laws, destroying the lives of immigrants and innocent poc who are accused of being immigrants, allowing discrimination and abuse in the work place again, leaving the world health organization, and losing all protection for queer people, no impressing my dad who doesnt even support trump and looking edgy and cool in front of people who couldn’t give a fuck is more important than your literal family members who are actually affected. for some fucking reason fascism is the new fucking cool thing to do one day its cool to make misogynistic jokes then suddenly theyre saying shit about girls are so this men are so this one day its fine to make racist jokes but its not so FUCKING funny when you know they actually hate immigrants (though im not allowed to say that they hate them they only want them to go leave or die and reinforce horrible stereotypes about them and demonize them in front of our parents because they think it will impress my FUCKING dad because thats the most important thing right?) one day were “JOKING” about the gay kids in school but is it so fucking hilarious when were sterotyping or OUTING PEOPLE “no one knows hes gay but I do” with no evidence WHATD HE DO WHERE A PINK SHIRT? ALL of this is so FUCKING STRESSFUL and at least LAST TIME people in my house had some fucking sense but I cant even confide in my family members when elon musk is doing the NAZI SALUTE because my sister 110% believes that roman salute lie and will GLEEFULLY “jokingly” EMPHASIZE THE QUOTATIONS BUT SHE MEANS IT HALF SERIOUSLY just say “oh its the roman salute🥺😝” meanwhile its the most FUCKING stressful time of my entire life but it doesnt mean jack fucking SHIT TO HER because shes got daddy musks boot in her mouth all the fucking time so I have to post on my FUCKING TUMBLR ACCOUNT ABOUT IT cause if I have to hear ONE MORE “we shouldnt judeg trump supporters 🥺” or “b-b-but immigrants!” or “my stwong male friends are so crazy not like me im just a girl >_<“ IM GONNA FUCKING LOSE IT and she thinks its all fine cause as long as she supports abortion (for now . ?) and gay people and “isn’t racist” (has a singular indian friend who she referred to as black for a while to pull the diversity card ? ?) but one its a slippery fucking slope two “supports” is a strong word for someone who also supports worlds most transphobic man, runner up for worlds most transphobic man, and third place for worlds most transphobic man and also wouldnt and probably doesnt give a flying FUCK if any of her friends say the f slur . and then they all (my entire family) makes fun of ME for being “woke” cause I dont pray at the fucking ALTAR of men who want me DEAD and oh IM over exaggerating for not licking the boot of someone who disowned his transgender daughter IM CRAZY for not loving it when I see people whose misogyny I have experienced FIRST HAND make misogynistic “jokes” oh im SORRY did I not find it HILARIOUS when you guys who despise haitians (though its FINE to hate an entire race if you have one bad experience THATS FINE????????????????) made jokes about hating other races did I not find that very funny? and is it my fault for not embracing with open arms someone with “just a difference of opinion 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺” AND THE OPINION IS TO END ALL GENDER AFFIRMING CARE? “thats not what being a trump supporter is about u don’t understand its about the groceries THAT I DONT FUCKING BUY🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺” POINT. TO . THE . ACTION . THAT FUCKING ORANGATANG MADE IN HIS FIRST FOUR DAYS THAT BENEFITED A SINGLE FUCKING AMERICAN . POINT. did leaving the world health organization lower prices of groceries? did it? WAS IT FUCKING WORTH IT ? IS IT ALL FUCKING WORTH IT AS LONG AS IT DOESNT EFFECT FUCKING YOU YOU YOU????????? AS LONG AS YOUR FUCKING FRIENDS THINK YOUR COOL

I MEAN IF THEY SAY ADOLF IS COOL THEN HES COOL RIGHT? CAUSE THEY CAN NEVER BE WRONG? AND IF OUR PARENTS SAY BEING TRANS IS WRONG THEN IT MUST BE WRONG RIGHT? IT MUST BE WRONG THEN? MUST IT BE WRONG?

WHY DOESNT ANYONE AROUND ME HAVE A FUCKING BACK BONE THIS IS WHY MY MOM GOES FUCKING CRAZY

and oh is my brother hilarious or is he just making misogynistic jokes? is it really just a joke if he does it ALL THE TIME? is it really just a joke if we found a crude drawing of a nude women in our basement? WHAT THAT A FUCKING FUNNY JOKE? is it funny if whenever a girl gets mad their on their period? was it funny when he talked down to my maga fucking sister in a way he wouldnt talk down to a man? is that fucking funny? or does it get to a FUCKING POINT? DOESNT IT GET TO A FUCKING POINT??????????? DOESNT IT??? DOESNT IT GET TO A POINT WHERE ITS NOT A FUCKING JOKE ANYMORE? HEY DID ANYONE STOP TO FUCKING THINK THAT CONSTANTLY MAKING MISOGYNISTIC JOKES AND DEGRADING BECAUSE LETS CALL IT WHAT IT FUCKING IS DEGRADING MY MOM WOULD MAKE A FUCKING IMPACT ON SOMEONE IN A DEVELOPMENTAL STAGE OF LIFE? WHEN ALL OF HIS PEERS HAVE THE SAME MISOGYNISTIC RHETORIC? CAN WE STOP FUCKING TALKING ABOUT WOMEN LIKE THEIR FUCKING OBJECTS CAUSE IT GETS TO A FUCKING POINT

IF EVERY SINGLE DAY AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAING “WOMEN BELONG IN THE KITCHEN” SUDDENLY STARTS COMING OUT IN DEAD SERIOUS “YOUR JUST EMOTIONAL” OR THE FUCK WAS THAT THE OTHER DAY THE BEING CONDESCENDING LIKE OK WE GET IT WE ALLL HATE WOMEN HERE FUCK WOMEN AM I RIGHT?

genuinely tired of it im so fucking tired of it its just NOT A JOKE ANYMORE

its real it was always real because you cant spend EVERY WAKING FUCKING HOUR saying that shit thinking it wont affect how you view the world and treat those around you BECAUSE LETS BE HONEST IM GETTING TREATED LIKE DOG SHIT BECAUSE MY FAMILY OF FUCKING “politics doesnt matter lets just ignore its existence” LITERALLY WONT EVER SHUT UP ABOUT POLITICAL SHIT AND HARASSING FUCKING ME CAUSE HOW DARE I BE GAY? HOW DARE I? HOW DARE I CARE ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE? HOW DARE I CARE ABOUT OUR COUNTRY THAT THEY CLAIM TO LOVE? HOW DARE I WANT PEOPLE IN POVERTY TO SURVIVE WHEN THEM, SELF PROCLAIMED “CATHOLICS” WANT THEM TO BUILD THEMSELVES UP THEMSELVES ON THE MINIMUM WAGE THEY DONT WANT TO RAISE WITH THE HEALTHCARE THEY THINK THEY DONT DESERVE WITH THE COLLEGE TUITIONS THEY WOULD BE OUTRAGED IF THE GOVERNMENT PAYED FOR

FUCKKKKKKK EVERYTHING ESPECIALLY MY FUCK ASS BOOT LICKING WOMEN HATING NAZI SUPPORTING ONE ELON MUSK SPEECH AWAY FROM HOMOPHOBIC COULDNT POINT TO THE CAPITOL ON A MAP “CENTRIST” REPUBLICAN

AND FUCK HALF OF THEM FOR THINKING NOTHING IN POLITICS APPLIES TO REAL LIFE FOR THINKING THEY LISTENED TO “BOTH SIDES🥺” AFTER LISTENING TO A 6 HOUR RIGHT WING PODCAST AND GLANCING AT ONE LEFTIST TUMBLR POST

GET ME OUT OF HERREEE

[thisdreamplace]

oh my goodness hayyy it’s me 🍁 anon once again! apologies for so many.. I absolutely adore how you guide from life honestly your words have guided me through such hard times.

I wanna ask some questions so feel free to Answer them!

what is your favorite part about nondual/ Taoism

how did you discover it?

what are some hot takes you have about it?

how do you input in daily life!

what are your favorite ways to fully surrender?

what do you do in a wave of a depressive time?

LAST BUT NOT LEAST!

what are your favorite experiences ever Since you gained this knowledge !🎼🎵

alright have a lovely day! I always love your talks!

hiiii <3 thank you for your sweet words~ hehe

hmmmm

well, for me my favorite part in all of this was how it opened me up so much and allowed me to allow love into my life, for the first time ever, with less fear. as a child i was very loving but as i grew older and felt more of the coldness of the world, i really closed myself off from so much. at some point, i even saw myself as extremely bitter and cold and would think of myself as an ice princess... so yeah. definitely forever thankful that nondualism/taoism helped warm me, and open me up to unconditional love.

i remember during early 2020, i began to get really into spirituality and exploring what that means for me. at the time, i was highly interested in witchcraft (ive always had a true interest and connection with the natural world, which is why this path appealed to me~) and didnt really believe in the law of attraction at all, but going onto tumblr to connect with witchblr, i would often see quotes from neville goddard that sparked an interest in me, and the rest is history :)

i think my biggest hot takes are that... so much of it is blown out of proportion, sensationalized, and used to prey on the weak. once people started to realize how popular all of this could be, so many people began to jump on the train and often share information or enforce expectations that are rather harmful, except they dont care because its all about what hooks the desperate people and keeps them coming back. the amount of coaches and things like that which are just looking to make a buck, is pretty wild. even for people who arent asking for money, theres some that clearly just want the clout and they dont really care about anything else. so much of this is actually extremely natural and not supernatural at all, but a lot of what "sells" are these hollywood movie promises of success. as someone who started in this community when there was like... 1 or 2 blogs actually dedicated to this, its definitely grown a lot and almost has become something i seperate myself from, because i dont really fully agree with the way a lot of things are now taught or the way theyre approached. i kind of like to stay in my own lane, stay true to my experience, and hopefully that reaches people as is... :)

for daily life, i try to think about what i learned from the book, "breaking the habit of being yourself" and as well as from the book, "the tao of pooh" because these are two things that really deeply touched me and made lightbulbs go off. im not perfect... but usually i believe that what you do within, you have to start to do without if youll ever see anything different happen. but this is on a very personal level, like for example, "be the change you wish to experience" if you want to experience more love, be love. if you want to experience less stress, begin to implement that... etc etc

i think my favorite way to fully surrender is to cry it out, and take care of myself first (and repeat as needed, hahah)

gosh, this is hard. during a depressive time all i can do is... be depressed. but i always put in effort to not lose sight of whats in front of me. being really depressed can make you feel like nothing is great anymore in your life, and its all empty. so i always try to remember how much love is there already, and all of the blessings that havent gone anywhere, all of the ones ive had up until now, gratitude. in every little pocket of sunshine that i get, i hold onto it because (in a depressive time) i know that the melancholy is lurking. but i still go outside and get fresh air, i still try to exist around those moments i can do nothing more but bedrot or doomscroll.

i think my most favorite experiences are all of the little things that living this way has afforded me. for once, i felt happy. for once, i felt loved. for once, i could push anxiety to the side and truly live. for once, i truly trusted in me. i wasnt afraid of the world anymore, i was enamored with it. i think being able to experience that, after the life i had been living in the darkness for so long before, is truly my most favorite thing of all. ☁️

anyways, hopefully you find this somewhat insightful :')

xoxo 🫧

[br1ghtestlight]

Rewatching alot of episodes with Jimmy pesto and I was just wondering if you have any hc for him or Trev (I love trev so much💕)

hmm i haven't thought abt them as much as i want to?? jimmy and trev's relationship is weirdly sweet and you can tell they care about each other a lot :)

jimmy pesto is not straight and he has a weird sexual relationship with trev (and he secretly goes out and has sex with male prostitutes) but he has VERY bad internalized homophobia and like 1000 layers of toxic masculinity to work through before he's ready to have a healthy relationship with literally anyone, he would be a lot happier if he wasnt so scared of being seen as weak or feminine

also he is A LOT more affectionate with his kids in private and he really does love them, he's scared of being seen as weak so he's kinda mean to them in public but he always goes to their performances and plays and he says i love you to them but jimmy jr has a complicated relationship with him bcuz he doesn't understand why his dad cant be openly affectionate and loving towards him, andy and ollie are younger and just happy to be around their dad regardless but its definitely not healthy for any of them and it makes his kids feel like he's ashamed of them

he really REALLY does love trev and its probably his only emotionally honest and open relationship with anyone, he's actually a lot more vunerable with trev than he ever was with his wife (mostly when he's drunk)

he and his wife divorced not long after the twins were before bcuz having three young kids did NOT help their relationship actually!!!! but even before then his wife was a stay at home mom and generally didnt come around the resturant very often so most people wouldnt have really known her, she was never introduced to the belchers or anything. the kids have a very complicated relationship with their mom too

jimmy pesto opened his resturant before he had kids!!!! we can see it was already open when bob and linda moved in and they were pregnant with tina, i like to think that his resturant was a family business that his father opened :) it makes sense that he would be opposite to bob in that sense and have a better working relationship with his father

trev loves jimmy and believes that he can be a better person and he KNOWS that jimmy doesn't want to be shitty all the time he's just stupid and insecure, thats why he doesnt leave even when jimmy treats him kinda terribly bcuz they have had a lot of intimate moments together. maybe not the healthiest relationship though

jimmy will invite trev over to his apartment to play with his toys when he doesnt have his kids :) they race cars and play golf together and actually have a lot of fun, when the kids are at his apartment theyre allowed to play with the toys as long as they're careful and dont break them (mostly when he's supervising them and jimmy jr is there)

trev has a bad relationship with his family and doesnt talk to them really at all so he sees the pesto family as kinda like his weird surrogate family??? he's known the kids since they were babies and they call him uncle trev and he usually is invited to their thanksgiving dinner :D if its a year where the kids mom has them for thanksgiving/christmas jimmy will invite trev over and they'll generally get drunk and complain about their shitty lives and families but sometimes they'll do a secret santa thing and buy each other gifts

jimmy remembers trev's birthday every single year and buys him a small present bcuz he knows trev doesnt really have anyone else celebrating his birthday, he doesnt make a big deal out of it but trev gets very emotional bcuz he for some reason assumes jimmy won't remember this year (but he always does)

trev likes babysitting the twins and he'll play with them and draw crayon pictures while theyre at the resturant :) andy and ollie will request he draws things and even though he is NOT an artist he tries and they absolutely love it and keep the drawings in their bedroom, jimmy jr also used to be involved with this when he was younger but he's too cool to hang around trev now *eyeroll*

[birthday-of-music]

donna ketsumatsu ga onozomi dai song/mv analysis because mizuki got one too

utc because as before im a little insane!!

alright so the very first thing is. in the game size mv, rui doesnt sing with anyone except miku. in the full version, he sings with nene as well, which is likely because she (other than hatsune literal mind reader miku) understands him the best because shes known him the longest.

so the very first thing is that rui mentions a bouquet of flowers which, in my random interpretation, are supposed represent his feelings and memories with wxs.

“if i reach out to the shadows of memories”

well. junior high rui. this could mean a lot of things, but it stands out to me the same way that a lot of the mv is set on a rooftop, which we can tell based on the view of the city during the chorus. its something like how the past is finally coming back to him now that theyre all going to have to go their seperate ways.

next we see a bunch of notes and photographs.

now, physical photographs like polaroids or the strip in the mv are usually used to bring about a feeling of nostalgia. which is what happens here. nene and tsukasas line is about having had a dream, which represents their desires for something bigger, their dreams to become a singer and a “world future star” respectively. emus line, however, is about “looking back, i see so many smiles”. she and rui, instead of looking to the future, are looking back at the past, and looking at what they have now, because they dont have big dreams like the others. rui talks about the bonds hes made and emu wants people to smile, but they dont have big ambitions like the others do.

then in the chorus, nene and tsukasa sing about putting a name to their dream, while rui asks if such a painful thing (the inevitable end of wxs) can still be considered a dream, as well as saying “i try to tell my heart this is the natural course”.

at this point, rui has his eyes closed, and when he opens them he looks a little bit sadder. the reality that this has to end is something that he wants to avoid, but he knows he cant.

the question “what kind of ending do you want?” could be a question for the rest of wxs, but along with the next line “cant these two thoughts coexist” makes it also a question to himself. those two thoughts being his desire to stay with wxs as it is right now, and the other one being the desire to see the people he cares about achieve their dreams.

in the second verse, he refers to that same bouquet of flowers that he wanted to protect before as “a bunch of crap.” which is likely up to the fact that he cant recognise his own feelings. he doesnt understand that his “selfishness” and hope for his friends can exist together, so he throws away that feeling because he doesnt know hes allowed to feel it.

this time, tsukasa says that love and dreams are real, and this time rui is grateful for the experiences theyve had. this time, he sings with nene and miku, instead of just miku.

in the end, they say they can laugh about this pain when its all over, and rui says hes sure itll be a happy ending, and that their bond cant be broken.

[eyelessfog]

hello hi i care about llau falsestress !! <- has yet to read lifeline ever

tell me more about them

THATS OKAY I JUST. i would like to clarify that this is alllll in my head. okay. magpie almost certainly did not mean for me to feel these feelings about them, but to me theyre in love

so false and stress are both astronauts. stress steers the ship and false is the captain. theyre best friends and i appreciate that soooo so sosososo much

and then they pick up tango, whos just dealt with parasites, and then parasites dock on their ship, and then two of thw crew get taken, and then they get sent back in time to the 1300s and theyre left almost entirely alone. sure, there are two other people there, but they never leave thw goddamn tower, and it feels like false and stress are entirely by themselves

and in my head this is when theyre like. theyre in love but theyre not dating? theyre roommates and their relationship is just what it is. theyre never girlfriends theyre just in love and exist with each other. deal with things as they come.

and then wels shows up. this guy is so badly third wheeling ans he doesnt wven knowwww hes just like huh. okay. this is a normal thing thats happening <- guy who lived exclusively with men, and then lived by himself for the past Many years

theyre just. very domestic kind of? everything is weird and screwed up and they live in 1300s england and they dont know what theyre doing!!!! but theyre together and theyre just. living. and in love. theyre so important to each other you dont get it

and then everything goes wrong all at once

stress leaves, which is fine, stress leaves all the time - she can take care of herself. better than false can, in some ways. but then wels’ clone shows up and they kill him and he falls to the bottom of the tower and bdubs and etho are gone - and false allows herself a moment to realize that she never knew that bdubs and etho were gone which means that she has no clue how long its been since they disappears

and then she follows after stress but stress is gone and her neighbours are dead and infected and she lets their bodies fall to rest because theyre ALREADY dead and this is a mimicry of them that’s puppetting their bodies and they said that they touched stress and they deserve nothing less than to be burned

shes so protective of stress and im normal about that prommy

god no yeah im skipping straight to the chapel its. i want some people to be able to read it for the first time so

okay so in the chapel scene, false finds stress finally and it all feels so tension filled because you know something is wrong and sometimes you know WHAT is wrong [i certainly did] and its terrifying and false is asking stress to come home because how could they not go home together?

and stress wraps her arms around false’s neck and hugs her and she apologies and false doesn’t get why but then stress pushes her down and theres a grub in her mouth and stress has opened her eyes and her eyes are red and false realizes that stress has already died and shes being puppetted by an alien. and wels comes to get stress off of her and stress wrangles herself out of her grip and false has had a gun under her skirt for forever, and finally she pulls it out to use it and

stress is already dead

it doesnr make shooting her through the skull feel any better

and to me its. what if someone stole your lover and put her face on and said “i love you” in the only way either of you have ever said i love you, and it tried to kill you too and it made you stare into her eyes as you killed her killer and. and. and you press your boot down on the grubs that killed your lover and you send wels away to go get you fire so you can burn them to hell and when he’s gone you cry. because your lover is gone and you didnt kill her, but it feels like you did, and she’s gone

and you don’t really get over it either. you get cloned, and your clone gets grubbed and your clone keeps saying that YOU killed her with your own two hands and a gun, but you didnt. you killed the being that was pretending to be her, and youre trying to kill the being that is pretending to be YOU but she keeps saying you didnt love her enough because if you loved her you would have let her live, and you keep saying she was already dead, but your other is infected too. and maybe she’s right

but this has long since become your life mission - to get rid of the grubs - and you can’t drop it now. you can’t doubt yourself now.

and you kill her, and you killed stress, and you swear to yourself that all you ever did was lay the dead to rest. surely. surely.

and then t=♾ and there’s stress again and she isnt grubbed and you missed her and you love her and youve loved her and-

but she says that she was alive even when she was grubbed and her eyes arent red so you cant force yourself to believe that her mind isnt clear, and then your double says that you wouldn’t have killed her if you loved her but you KNOW that you killed her BECAUSE you loved her but everything is breaking apart and maybe you killed the one you love and then

and then stress is back, and ren is there and both of them are people you failed but theyre both something like alive and you think that maybe you were the monster the whole time

explaining this is just. they were in love and stress died, whether when she was infected or when false killed her and grieving over her has made false who she is and WAUGH

[kudzucataclysm]

This or That: Writer Edition!!!

tas tagged by the amazing @vacantgodling :3 i tag...whoever sees this 👁️👁️ no really. dewit

historical or futuristic

FUTURISTIC 100%. historical shit can be…very boring to me, usually cuz its all very repetitive? And to me its usually way too grounded in established reality and focuses a ton on aesthetic. like history is pretty much done, but the future is absolutely unwritten and unknown to for me its more interesting to speculate abt (pushes my ww1 horror story and 1200s zombie apocalypse story under the bed)

2. the opening chapter or closing chapter

opening, cuz its easier and more exciting to figure out while the closing chapter tends to beeee hard to figure out and kinda sad for me? cuz its over dfvfv like its the END. and u gotta figure out a satisfying wrap up for all these characters and plotlines and all that, which is a monumental task in and of itself (to me) EVEN THOUGH. i agree, working backwards can often hepl tremendously in working out how everything goes (i say this cuz i actually know the ending of my wip Typhoon Landing, so its easier to map out in a way)

3. light & fluffy or dark & gritty

dark and gritty ig? although it can be overdone in a way, where theres next to no levity and people bask in its grittiness. light and fluffy however can be boring and bleh, i'll take dark and gritty over that any day

4. animal companion or found family

found family for sure. i rarely have signifigant animal companions in my story cuz…well, theyre pets. the only one i can think of rn is EFJ, Dez's eventual cat who can TALK, but even then she doesn't get much attention story wise. she's just someone Dez can talk to and take care of v-v but yeh all my stories tend to have a semblance of found family huehue

5. horror or romance

HORRORRRRR cuz i don't have the patience for romance ig lol. i also don't really care for it :p way less interesting to me than horror

6. hard or soft magic system

it depends? i prefer hard magic typically but in the case of certain settings like Discworld, the soft magic system is extremely interesting and feels natural to the world and stories! but for stories like FMA, the hard 'magic' system being built around chemistry and math is like WHHOOAA and its super cool and neat to me. so…either is fine!! if i find it interesting and that it fits in the world it resides in

…actually u know what im gonna be a hater for a sec. one magic system that i absolutely fucking abhor is the H/P system like what the actual fuck. it makes genuinely no sense like evidently u had wizards disappearing their own shit in the 1300s but if ONE FUCKING KID does a self defense on a malevolent entity that will CONSUME HIS FUCKING SOUL ALONG WITH OTHERS, u go to wizard court and yur banned from magic 5evar. the ghosts of dead students haunt the halls of britain wizard school wtf what happened there. the whole blood quantity race thing with wizards who think humans are below them cuz they cant do magic yet they dont even know how dishwashers work (lets not even get into it how the very author is like 'yeah non-magic ppl are lame and stupid lol'). the full blown racism where other supernatural creatures and people are discriminated against like yur a wizard with lycanthropy?? yur a giant? fuck you kill yourself no youre not allowed to learn magic. the teachers and ministry despite knowing the threat that the ghost thingies pose (THEYRE ON SCHOOL FUCKING GROUNDS?? KIDS WILL BE SOUL SUCKED) and like theres TERRORISTS RUNNING AROUND and nobody teaches these kids self defense spells. on TOP of that, they STILL HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL LMAOOO like that is so fucking funny to me, genuinely. like FUCK THOSE WIZARD KIDS FR LOL anyway im done

7. standalone or series

series cuz for the life of me i cant have short or self-contained stories. i grow too attached to characters and the world and it has to be drawn out to its full potential sorry not sorry

8. one project at a time or always juggling two+

im hyperfocusing on SE rn but i have like 15+ stories on the backburner rn rip to everyone who liked those specifically and havent seen em since

9. one award winner or one best seller

uuuh i dunno? i dont think either of these things will happen for me cuz my works are uh…weird? but i think a bestseller would be kinda cool maybe…

10. fantasy or sci-fi

sci-fi!!!! i love to blend both genres tho so rules can be bent more- and i generally do hate how many sci-fi fans these days are all ''REALISM!! ACKTCHUALLY THIS WOULDNT HAPPEN BECUZ-'' idc its fake. i love earlier sci-fi stories where its just crazy bullshit. cowboys on alien planets. sword and planet, with barbarians and knights with super futuristic technology. Alien planet where the ocean itself is the alien intelligence. FRANK HERBERT'S DUNE WHERE DRUGS PRODUCED BY MOUNTAIN SIZED WORMS IS THE BASIS FOR INTERPLANETARY TRAVEL; THE DRUGS ALSO GIVE YOU THE ABILITY TO PERCIEVE SPACE AND TIME OUTSIDE OF REALITY. fucking shit like godzilla where an iguana was exposed to radiation and turned into a massive monster who terrorizes cities. like bring that shit back like thats my heroine. i want WEIRD SHIT!!!

11. character or setting description

character description cuz its simply easier vv' descriptions in general are hard for me

12. first or final draft

ive never even completed a draft please no talk to me-

13. love triangle in everything or no romantic arcs

FUCK LOVE TRIANGLES FR i hate that shit with a passion dont even get me started. i dont even give af abt romance in stories anyway so i'd rather have no arcs goddamn >:/

14. constant sandstorm or rainstorm

constant rainstorm plz, forever :3

[xxmourningdove666xx]

Boundaries

>> I'm a very panicky person, I will not discuss a lot of topics if I don't open conversation, you will freak me out if you hit up anon or dm outta the blue to talk about dark topics

>> I love to jape, jest, and generally fool around, but do not think that you, as a stranger, are welcome to refer to me out of name or just think being a dick to me will be considered funny

>> Honestly? That's like... It? I'll update this as people are weird to me, I guess... That's how it tends to work out- onto like,,, more creative boundaries? What you can and cannot do with my ocs!!

>> First, the cannots. So, each OC has a highly case by case basis, I'll be honest. For the most part, I'm fine with like all my OCs being shipped with random characters given said character is of legal age, since I have like,,, 1 oc who isnt an adult and I've never revealed them on Tumblr iirc- Anyways, yeah shipping is free game for any character, and honestly? I actually don't mind if you ignore my OC's sexuality to ship em with someone or yourself, knock yourself out. >> Speaking of self shipping! PLEASE feel free to write or draw x reader stuff!!!!! I love it!!! I've gotten 1 total fic of my oc x reader and I loved it and it makes me giggle n blush!!! Do it!!! I'll kiss you, if youre into that.

>> Oh yeah also feel free to be a freak abt my ocs, i dont mind, im a freak, you think im a hypocrite?

>> Gore is always allowed, either covered in it or injured, I adore it either way, I like to see my sillies either suffering or living it up... I have very few OCs who wouldnt maim,,,,,

>> Oh yeah also making up AUs or gender bending any character is chill, I think its neat :)

>> I'm trying so hard to think of things people would be against when it comes to OCs? Like,,, I dunno- Don't write them in such a way that implies theyre into like,,,, kids or animals ig? That's like- it really-

>> Honestly I dont even care if you like borderline steal their designs, man....

>> Uh i see ppl talk abt not wanting ppl to kin their ocs? Uh- I dont think that actually happens BUT if cyril shows up on your kin list id giggle n give you a forehead kiss then tell you to seek therapy <3

>> I dunno- If youre curious abt further boundaries ask n ill update this

[ghost-of-the-machine]

getting caught up on certain online drama and i saw something that reminded me of what IVE been thru and it hurts my soul. cuz like.

YEAH they did go thru that shit, nothing worse than a grown man whos constantly victimizing himself. was little ol teenager me really as bad as you in that situation? were we equals? nothing like a grown man who cant take responsibility, but thats fine!! if you cant apologize for sexting with a teenager TO THE TEENAGER himself because you truly believe there was nothing you did wrong there, like all i wanted from him was an apology so i could forgive him and we could move on with our lives and maybe i could be HAPPY with someone!! but no that was TOO FAR cuz really i mean. age of consent is different in different places!!! ☝🤓 what a gotcha!!! god.

and this isnt just about him either, cuz this is just CONSTANT in my life, and in so many other people lives. i think it must be some kind of cycle. when the older people who look down on you for BEING younger cant help but act like children, completely immature really and you as a kid are left there to pick up the pieces, to take the blame for them because theyre so immature they think theyre on the same level as YOU. A CHILD. its so disappointing and it really affects people, its this weight, this burden i think some people dont really get. like knowing no matter what you have to be the bigger man, even if you PHYSICALLY ARENT THE BIGGER MAN, knowing you need to take responsibility because the shitty adults around you are incapable and would just make you do it anyways

dsmp drama is literally what sparked me to say this but it just makes me really sad, i watched toms video and HEARING IT FROM HIM its something i relate to heavily

"if i was your age when you met me, i wouldnt ever talk to a 16 year old like that"

all the time i think back to my situation and i hesitate to even call him a GROOMER cuz i mean. i was 16, how bad could it have been? ive been thru worse at younger but then i think about it for a second. if i was his age, i REALLY WOULDNT ever look at a teenager that way. IM NOT HIS AGE YET WHEN WE MET AND I STILL WOULDNT. so like??? why am i having to be the bigger man, why do i feel the need to take responsibility but someone older than me couldnt, cuz I FIND IT QUITE EASY. that line was drawn for me when i hit 18, cuz younger people are so annoying!! /NSRS but you get my point, that was my thought process back then. i see anyone 17 and under as kids, teenagers is KIDS, maybe not goo goo gaa gaa toddler but still young!! completely out of the question. im only 21 rn and i still see them that way, GOOD as a young person who was robbed of that, young people should be allowed to feel young, to be young. yes you can be an individual and you can think for yourself and all that but you are still YOUNG, thats the mentality i had back then, i thought oh this isnt so wrong because im consenting!! im allowing this to happen!!! so that matters!!

I HEAVILY REGRET THAT NOW. OBVIOUSLY. because teens dont make good choices. it just upsets me that I had to learn that the hard way, that i couldnt rely on the adult in that situation to recognize that for me, i try to make excuses for him and try to say hey it wasnt that bad, cuz REALLY was it that bad? 16 is pretty close to 18, and like i said ive been through worse, but. im just saying, as someone younger than he was when he met me, i would NEVER even think about talking to a 16 year old the way he did. and mind you, asking my age was one of the FIRST things we did. so its not even like something that came up later, it was established and he just. i dont know!! i dont know if he truly didnt care, or if it was more sinister than that, but its still gross either way

it just. im just bringing this up cuz HEARING IT from someone elses mouth like this thing ive thought about for a while is EYE OPENING on how older people will take advantage of younger folk and then SOMEHOW PIN THE BLAME ON THEM. he used to tell me how immature i was and how like we've both hurt eachother or whatever. if you want MATURE, maybe try idk. AN ADULT

like we ceased contact several times over the years, and he tried to convince me once that it was ME who made it sexual (<- the memory of that encounter is literally burned into my mind, which i told him but whatever its just trauma 🙄 doesnt matter) and yet. he always came back to me, every time we cut contact, it was never ME who reached out, he did it 3 times

some part of me has it ingrained in my mind that. i mean i just used to make a lot of excuses for him, downplay MY hurt so that i could try and see him as a good person cuz he was all i had at the time, but. when you come out of that, i have beautiful people that i love, that id spend the rest of my life with so happily, and now that im safe, its becoming easier to recognize whats just an excuse, just some desperate scared part of me trying to see him as anything other than the bad guy, cuz he definitely brought that up too! said that me getting support and people telling me what happened between us actually WAS bad, worse than i was making it up to be, that my hurt was valid, he told me that it was an echo chamber, and i think that speaks for itself

so. was it always me? we were equals in that situation? i worshipped him almost, god i wanted him so bad, i was so lonely when i was 16, all the shit that made me feel nasty and gross and uncomfortable i PUT UP WITH cuz i just wanted someone. but no, we were both bad people who hurt eachother, right? we are both to blame

[teddy-feathers]

gonna talk a bit about my super hero characters

This is cannon for the universe i need to build for them and not necessarily how ive been role playing them.

There's Noah Really. He's Caucasian and got a nose with a big arch, green eyes, and long blonde hair. His power is prehensile hair - if you had a power null on around him itd still work because its just another muscle. He's gay and came from a very large conservative family. They kicked him out as soon as legally able and he's been managing on his own since. While he loves his siblings and had a large part in rasing many of them as the second eldest, hes been completely cut off from his family. He made a new one though. a bunch of other young supers who needed/ need help. He's talkative, flirty, flamboyant, but despite that he very rarely dates. He has too many platonic people relying on him to settle for anything less than a real deep snd long lasting connection.

Jo Everbody is an Asian American kid with shaggy, ear length black hair and brown eyes. They're non binary but look and dress masculine, though the carpet dont match the drapes so to speak. They're younger than most of the rest of the group though only by a couple of years. they have a home though, they lost their parents when they were ten and their sister Cecilia "Cissa" had just turned 18 and was allowed to take care of them. Their power is they are a very powerful empath, when they were younger they got overstimulated by this frequently. Now that theyre older they have better control and regulation of their power... but they crave deep emotional attachments and often date and get dumped seeking them. Theyre quiet and studious outside of their flings and dont know how to handle ofher people's emotions without fixing it for them - something theyre loath to do. But they do like doing emotional feedback during romantic encounters. if they feel good and their partner feels good it can create a positive feedback loop that feeds on itself.

"Deb" Debrah Beat is an African American woman with brown curls, dark brown eyes, and a great smile. Shes very active and physical and would like to be a physical therapist but.... her power is she heals. From everything. Anything. Since it's basically a horrible power she designed and built - with the help of her girlfriend - some large robotic gloves. She can punch like the hulk with those on and she never lets slip her power is healing herself.

"Abby" Abhi Normal is a trans woman. She dyes her hair pink and favors very feminine clothing, rarely wearing pants. She likes costumes and trying different fashions but mostly she is creative. Her power is being able to control what she creates. So she creates everything from paper dolls to mannequins. Shes very handy. She is pansexual and in a very committed and loving relationship with Deb Beat.

Dan Gnabbit is a trans man. Hes a bit of a nerd, bit of a slob, but his power is opening doors. if it looks like a door he can make a portal between it and a place he knows that also has a door like area to anchor to. the fun thing is its all in his head - it doesn't have to be a door like structure. he can just make portals. but hes still learning to control his power and needs the mental connection.

Varie Nearly is a... difficult person. Shes Aromatic but into sex. thats not why shes difficult shes... kinda a bitch. very much a kick you while your down sort of person. very insulting. she like punkish clothing and has died red hair and wears heavy purple makeup. the thing with her is she might be an asshole but shes *our* asshole. surprisingly very loyal to the group. her power is she can talk to birds. youll find her up trees when shes not harrassing someone already having a bad day.

Seren Deputy is a hispanic american woman who really really wants to become a doctor. only problem is that her power is opening old wounds. She wouldve killed deb by accident had deb not been a healer. shes actually extremely smart, very kind, and is working her way to med school. shes just also feels bad that she could have killed deb that one time.

theres probably more to this but I'm tired

[tossball-stick]

its crazy how many of my previous interests have just been enveloped by cowboys. it feels like every game i was into, besides like valve, rdr2 overshadows in every way.

overwatch? i mostly liked it because the characters were generic archetypes i could project onto and make my own. rdr has that but with more depth. theres still more meat to chew on but theres also still plenty of space for you to write in your own details. its honestly apalling. cole cassidy vs arthur morgan is just hydrogen bomb vs coughing baby and somehow coughing baby is coming out on top. spit on that man arthur give him tb make him feel like a reeeeal cowboy

borderlands? at least 90% of my interest in borderlands was because of jack and i wont even kid you it all stems from him. but now ive got an even more interesting lying backstabber whos abusive to his kids. dutch is literally just better to me in every possible way. i still think jack is fun but dutch is just....... better. it feels like literally everyones relationship with dutch is on the level of complexity of jack and tim or jack and angel. hell id argue some of them are even more complex than the most interesting one in borderlands, whatever you think that may be. rdr2 is also somehow more anticapitalist and antifascist haha

every time i wanna play a bethesda rpg its just in my head how racist it is. how it coos at you if you wanna side with fascism and racism, tells you that "mm well. this isnt _good_ but you should have the freedom of choice!!" like. sorry i cant play skyrim anymore i start thinking about how this series jerks off genocide at every turn and hollowly says we dont think its bad. but youre never allowed to see the oppressed's perspective. even if you choose to play as an argonian or khajiit you dont even experience fuckin racism man. at least in rdr2 i can look at the pepple who idolize micah n dutch and go "are you stupid?" because the game literally in no uncertain terms tells you these are bad bad bad people. the game tells you time and time again that everything, war, death, colonization, illness, starvation, is awful. it constantly points at all of this, it HAS to show you just how awful the victorian united states were because it was BAD. and it doesnt shy away from this. and then you have skyrim where every great historical figure in it is constantly jerked off for genociding millions of elves or beast races. there are so many stories about religious oppression but how am i supppsed to care when literally everyone is fine with wiping out entire races of people. the elder scrolls isnt nearly as humanizing as rdr2. in rdr2 you can really feel for some of the characters who have shitty biases and awful morals because one of the core messages of rdr2 is how everyone is human. everyone is a living human person with relationships and feelings and thoughts and death is bad. death is really really bad it fucks you up!!! so you can see these characters and sympathize with them, to a degree. even with the ones you actively want dead, it feels. human. the hatred of micah in me is so vitriolic because of how much death hes caused. i only value his life so little because of how little he values life as a whole, his own and other peoples. you want to kill the bigots because they hurt people. meanwhile in skyrim youre told to kill the bandits and youre not allowed to even think about what their lives couldve been like. theyre just bad guys. no other reason. and when there is another reason it doesnt matter. you slaughter them all the same. UGH sorry mgmmhkgkfngndn ive really stopped liking tes recently. cicero is still my babygirl but like. im prolly just gonna steal the dark brotherhood at this point and stick them in something else i cant do this. a lot of this applies to most fallout games too btw. new vegas excluded sorry that im basic but its made me actually feel things for the characters i talk to. its great at humanizing people. oh also rdr2s open world is infinitely better than anything bethesdas put out ever. im sorry its just literally flat out better

idk im trying to think of other games i used to like but theres not a lot others i can directly look at in comparison to rdr2 and say "well. the cowboys game provides everything i like from this one and more. theres no point anymore"

[ditzywhispers]

warnings: vent post, mental issues post, self hate

(not about me though, mostly)

i hate it when i see people talking down about themselves when theyre a good person.

there's this one person i know on discord, and i see them venting time to time in their server. i barely talk in there so i cant say anything (def not my place to say anything) but im. getting so concerned. i woke up to see messages that could've not been there, but there were.

i understand their thoughts, to a degree, because im a growing teen with anxious thoughts and fears of the most stupidest things. i am, at the moment, over those moments, i don't know if they'll come back, but that's not the point. i woke up one day, a few weeks ago, and wrote a page and a half rant about how selfish and stupid i am, how i get worked up and argue with people for too long, for how i don't seem to be able to let go of things and how im too much of a coward to even hurt myself because im afraid of that but don't i deserve it?

ive had those moments, but the person im talking about has it worse and i hate that they feel they need to feel those things BECAUSE THEY DONT. despite whatever i said above, i DO NOT understand how they feel, at all. i had it MUCH LESS WORSE, to be completely clear. but i can understand come of those thoughts, even if it's just a little, and i wish they didn't think they should be feelings these things. ive had a much more comfortable, open life free of bullying at school, so of course i wouldnt have understood. but y'know. to a point. because im a person too.

they dont deserve those thoughts to be in their brain, they're not a bad person and a really good artist /gen. life made it that way and i fucking hate that.

i don't deserve to talk about this, but im selfish. im a selfish person.

that's okay.

this post may not be okay

however

it's okay to be selfish, alright? human beings were built like that.

you do not ruin the atmosphere of the chat went you butt in. you may get other people to be irritated, but what are the chances of that??? its a public chat. yeah, sure, a public chat with other people with feelings but it's a PUBLIC chat. you HAVE THE RIGHT to speak in there, and the people probably wouldn't talk in the chat you were in if they didn't want to, wouldn't they? it's not that difficult to make a group chat.

you are one of the people in the group. you may, you can drag them down, games or whatever, but that's okay. you can't be good at anything, you're still growing up. actually, fuck that. human beings weren't meant to be perfect.

no person is horrible just for simply existing. it's their words, actions, that tell you who you are.

its okay to lash out at people. as long as you truly feel bad, as long as you apologize, jts fine.

cut off ties with people you feel uncomfortable with.sometimes, you just have to be an asshole. you deserve to be comfortable.

i do actually have the base thoughts of "im a bad person". then i have these thoughts (usually in the shower) that indicate i do care about how other people feel and that's a reminder that there's worse people out there, who actively go out of their ways to hurt people.

that's not your intentions, isn't it? to hurt people ALL THE TIME?

Its okay to want to hurt people. just not all the time. you don't feel that rage to hurt every person you see, ALL THE TIME, right?

then you're okay.

people have these "I hate everyone and I hate myself the world is cruel" thoughts time to time. you're not alone.

youre an okay person.

ypu may not be the greatest, but that's okay. no one expects you to be, you don't have to. just live your life comfortably.

you can't always be comfortable, but you don't have to feel like you're not allowed to be.

allow yourself some things. that's okay.

that's selfish, but that's just us. you can't be human without being selfish.

im sorry.

this was a selfish post.

selfish thoughts. they're hard to say "they're okay". so just let them go. it's not easy, they'll always come back like a boomerang, let yourself feel things. then let it go, until it comes back.

then let it go again.