#they're taking over my whole brain
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silusvesuius · 7 months ago
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nnnnnnnnnnnnno maa'am
#my want to draw traditionally literally split me open for the past week and leaves me literally depressed i'm so serious i can't even look -#- @ my art programs without wanting to throw up omfg should;ve never picked up those pencils#but it's ok i just needed a nap#something so relatable about them i think nelvas has something in it for everyone meanwhile eltl is secluded art museum.#it's very possible to walk around in neloth's and talvas' brains but eltl is off limits. they will NOT! get no drawings like this outta me#wtf r they thinking ........#< eltl not nelvas#something nobody on dis earth can understand ..........#talvas wants to live he likes living but neloth's presence is so strong that it overrides and deletes his will to live.#bruuuuuuuuh#i bet the feeling of neloff is in everything he does if they ever part ways he won't be able to fold clothes or anythign without wanting -#- 2 cry . for what reason . idk bc neloth once yelled at him for folding clothes like shit .what am i on rn#(talvas thoughts mode) I want this old man to hug meeee😢😢😢#NELOFF DO IT and smash him too before i do it first .#me and neloth are the same person tho so it doesn;t matter but w/e#i'm getting emotional over them right now this cannot be real#i love her .... (Skyr1m)#i opened the game for .5 minutes today to take pics of a character uight what a beautiful game.#Te/s having such extensive lore ruins the whole entire game and the franchise but whatever . skyr1m is an art piece that's just how i feel#also this might be a very hard pill to swallow for some people but t*lvas is literally a kin Vessel for young women that keep getting -#- hit on by men twice or thrice their age when they're just trying to live their life .#this feels so profound to me i need dis shit inmy discord bio right NOEW.#Talvas................................#(eyes watering) (holding palm out)#suicide //#just in case but this tag would've gone crazy with my drawings of ulfr*c from late 2022 where i drew him with slit wrists. very artsay#is it not. i didn't like neither of those drawings tho i need to revisit cus i can feel ulfr*c on a diffaraaant level#when will i run out of tags. the way you can tell i just LUH talvas look at me drawing his hair in that second pic 😑BRU#look at me also trying to replicate pencils digitally in the first.. hmmm i don't hate it#at least it soothes me and i don't have pencil withdrawal
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burningcomputerpersona · 25 days ago
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my cds (and cassette tape) finally arrived in the mail today!!
#I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS#was getting 10 cds and a cassette tape at once maybe a bit overkill? possibly#but i saw the bogo free sale banner and my brain lept at the chance to get more cds for half the price lol#i feel like my collection might be growing a bit too fast esp considering i only started collecting them this fall#but also I HAVE A WHOLE PILE OF CDS NOW LOOK AT IT THERE'S SO MANY AND THEY'RE MY FAVORITE ALBUMS TOO#it's like seeing blorbo from your music in real life in your home#just looking at a cd and being like !!! i literally listen to you every day i didn't know you were also Real#the difference between having something only on your phone even if you still see/listen to it a lot and having a Physical Thing is massive#just. i haven't even opened these up yet they look so pretty im just staring at them in awe while typing this rn#ykw 10 cds is a lot to unbox all at once and if they have extra stuff on the inside too i don't think I'd be able to fully appreciate it#i think im gonna save some of the unwrapping for later as a lil treat maybe for when im having a bad day#so i can come home and unwrap it and look inside and get that serotonin boost#just a lil something i can look forward to in the future :3#they said money can't buy happiness but it turns out i just did and my happiness comes in the form of physical media lol#and ykw i think this is a pretty sweet deal like if i had to choose any hobby to spend money on this would be a great choice#it's cheap you get to support your favorite musicians and you get infinite dopamine out of it (well as long as the cd lasts ig)#just. im still looking at them i cant believe the pictures and sounds from my phone are Real and i can touch them now#...it's probably gonna take a while for me to get over the awe and actually open them up and start looking inside for goodies and stuff#ive been meaning to take pictures of the cool stuff from the precious cds that i got but i still haven't gotten around to it lol#just. the emotions are too big. even just looking at it brings me so much joy that if i opened it up to find more stuff inside#it'd be too much for my brain to handle and it would just explode or something lol#anyway i think that wall of text is long enough so im gonna go admire my cds some more now#mine#cd#cds#cassette tape#music#reminder#for later#<- and that is so i actually remember to open them up and look inside instead of just admiring it like a painting
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trentcrimminallybeautiful · 2 months ago
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i think about the whole "love that" exchange a lot.
#i think i already have a post about this somewhere im just. rotating it#they realize they just kinda revealed a bit too much in front of Trent Crimm (Formerly) The Independent#and he does the whole biting wind-up to a question you know is going to be sharp as hell. bringing in that heat#and rebecca just. doesn't even try to get out of it#is she taking a leap of faith? is she just tired of spinning a whole yarn? testing him? giving him a chance?#and his response is just. simple. a real smile--almost conspiratorial and they're both in on the joke--and 'love that.'#sincere and almost warm. love that. bc that's what he actually thinks. not asking what he thinks he should#what he thinks the crowd wants to hear. but just. god her ex husband is a dickhead. absolutely you should try to fuck him over. love that#and rebecca all but beaming at him in response#i wish we'd gotten more of their dynamic tbh. i think that interaction probably helped soothe any anxieties she had about the whole thing#i think the next time we really see them interact is just the girl talk thing#where she's gleefully including him on the gossip and he's SO fucking pleased to get a good grade in girl talk something both normal to w#but like them developing an almost easy banter Fast. please. and like. him letting himself be. himself. in front of other people#not just ted. and rebecca GETS that if anyone gets getting flayed by the lasso effect it's her#so like. IDK MAN I JUST THINK THEY SHOULD BOND#also keeley. DEFINITELY keeley. all three of them. FUCK#trent crimm#rebecca welton#gertspeak#god. him being so pleased about the girl talk comment too. lives in my brain rent free#rebecca or keeley pays him a genuine but offhand compliment and he (and clearly completely unconsciously) just#fully does a pleased little wiggle in his seat. and they're like hmmmm
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golden-stag · 2 months ago
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Good morning I'm up thinking about that forbidden beast again
#Eddie...#I need to rewatch his cutscenes to get a better grasp on him now that I know what he's been about this whole time#but something about his AC+R story modes got under my skin and into my brain#Eddies resentment of being a parasite attached to a person and fighting for two games over the right to control the body and make it his ow#just for it to start rotting away and starting the cycle of powerlessness over again making him easy to take advantage of#and ending with him fighting even more desperately to stay alive...#blurring the line between him and Zato further with remembering his feelings and memories and accepting them just as hes about to die-#hopefully that reads okay- again I just woke up and all that#but Eddies story made me like. weirdly emotional?#I really like the disconnect Eddie feels from Zatos body and how it contrasts with how people see both of them like this#I also think thats why Eddie is so bitter towards both Millia and Venom (especially Venom-)#to him they're probably the same as he is. and he hates them both for it because they're people that don't *have* to be#they have a choice and he doesn't. yet all three of them keep being drawn to each other.#yappin'#edit: WHAT REALLY FUCKS ME UP IS THAT EDDIE MIGHT BE JUST A THING ATTACHED TO ZATO POST RESURRECTIONNN#I haven't seen Eddie have much personality after Zato got resurrected other than being a little shadow goober#and thats a little Haunting??#you're telling me after all this Eddie i s just a thing attached to Zato? and Zatos the important one again? what the fuck
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knaveofmogadore · 5 months ago
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You ever wake up from a dream so fucked that you have to sit there for 10 minutes after waking to rewrite the ending so that you can move on with your day or are you normal
#messages from knave#i keep having these ongoing dreams about an alternate reality version of my life#mainly about my parents#like right after i lost my job i had a dream that they'd moved to another state on a whim#and just told me to either upend my entire life to move to florida with them or figure it out#and i ended up moving into a much shittier apartment before realizing 'wait i have a whole house' and moving back into my own house in NJ#and then last night i dreamed I'd visited them and spent a day with my nephews then we all went to a wrestling match#and then after almost being run over by my dad cause he started driving while i was getting into the car#we go back to their house and i take a fat nap only to wake up in the dream and discover that I've disturbed this thumbelina sized toddler#that my mom jad apparentky adopted and then completely forgot about. and we wtruggled to getbit comfortable again on its little ved#then it escaped as toddlers do and i went through a comedy of errors trying to find it only to find it seemingly plastic and lifeless#only for it to start going through rapid metamorphosis into an adult and running around my parents house#my dad and i tried to stop it from growing up becuase every transformation opened up a new pocket dimension or something#then the dream changed into something else as my brain slowly booted back up from a migraine back into reality and i woke up#but the visage of a polly pocket sized toddler being left behind in my adult sized bed really shook me for some reason#it was so small and it was on a teeny pink pillow and it had a little purple teddy it kept dropping#but now I'm thinking of the logitstics of actually raising a child you could step on and squash by accident#that must be nerve wracking like how did thumbelina make it to adulthood without being confibed to a single room or even a single table#cause my first instinct is to build a diarama on a table for them and never let them leave until they're old enough to dodge
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batsplat · 7 months ago
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Pecco and Pedro are probably the people who more than anyone else want to beat Marc. Pecco because he is forced to do it for a matter of survival, his bet next year is to be able to win against Marc with the same bike. Pedro wants to win the first world championship with Marc in MotoGP, even better if he wins it against him, because of course that’s what he wants. I MotoGP your teammate is your first enemy, as surreal as it is, it would be more likely to see Pecco and Pedro helping each other (which would be unlikely anyway because they aren’t the type of people who do that) than one of them helping their teammate , especially if it's Marc. If anything Marc and Pecco have to be intelligent enough to at least not take each other out Portimao style, because in that case there will be someone behind them ready to bite
so I'm going to jump in right away by saying, I know this ask acknowledges it's unlikely but, yeah, pedro and pecco will not be helping each other in any meaningful sense - because they are both serious challengers to each other and they know it. sometimes, riders can be known to help non-team members in fairly small low-key ways (see in this post valentino accusing marc of deliberately towing ducati riders to get them ahead of his actual rivals in brno 2014). for both pecco and pedro, marc is definitely the bigger focus, but they are both perfectly aware of the danger the other poses, and will not be inclined to treat each other as anything other than an active threat
that being said! of course pecco has already nicely demonstrated this season that he does approach his marc fights differently than he does those with other riders (which is broadly the correct and smart thing to do, even if the specifics can be critiqued). portimao even gave us the direct comparison between pecco/pedro and pecco/marc! part of it, yes, will just be an element of self-preservation - marc is now back to being a major roadblock for winning any future championships, and he'll be in pecco's house so will of course require... extra attention. apart from that, it absolutely would be the most meaningful way pecco could win a championship, by beating the famous marc marquez on equal machinery... nobody has done that before, and it would instantly dispel any remaining doubts about pecco's ability and cement his legacy as one of the greats of the sport. he wants to beat marc so badly because marc is one of the two riders he's always been chasing... and marc's absence has left all the young pretenders in this odd place where they've taken the crown but don't quite believe it's theirs yet. (just to say this again, I personally don't share the view that marc's absence diminishes those titles in any way, but it is of course interesting when the riders themselves have these insecurities.) there was that interview from early-ish last year where pecco talked about some of his personal limitations and how he views his own status in the sport:
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fascinating, isn't it? of course, I'm sure a second title will have helped to some extent in making him feel a little more entitled to that status in the sport - but this is not the kind of thing valentino or casey or jorge or marc ever would have said. there's a self-consciousness to pecco, an awareness of his uncertain, shaky journey to the top of the sport, how he's fully cognisant of how different he is to those names... which can be a problem at times - delusion is an athlete's life blood, and while the level headed insight pecco expresses here is arguably admirable, it is not necessarily helpful for him as a champion. on the other hand, sometimes lacking a little in the delusion department can be a good thing if it allows you to deliberately improve yourself, pushed on by the knowledge that you still have a long way to go... pecco's biggest self-inflicted wounds have tended to come when he's at his most comfortable - you can theorise about why this happens, but maybe that striver mindset is exactly what he needs to keep him going. it's still quite the admission to describe his 2022 season as more incomplete than either valentino or marc's title runs. (mind you, it's arguably even less complete a season than some of their misses - of course with valentino you have the obvious ones, but did you know that marc scored an average of 13.44 points in 2015 vs pecco's average of 13.25 in 2022? obvious caveat that in 2015 there were considerably fewer competitive bikes and barely any capable of regularly challenging for race wins.) the need to prove himself is always there with pecco... it keeps peaking through with him, and it absolutely peaks through in his approach to marc. yes, yes, acosta is the future, jorge martin has been his title rival more recently... but of course, beating marc would be special. do you think pecco ever dreamed that of it? do you think he really believed that he could before he was already premier class champion? with most champions, you would say it's likely. with pecco, I'm not quite so sure
as for pedro, yeah, obviously, that's just the cycle continuing lol. deeply curious what those two regularly competing at the sharp end of races looks like. pedro has kinda kept his distance, isn't that much of a marc fan himself... when he talks inspirations he tends to bring up schwantz, stoner, pedrosa, and of course rossi
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schwantz is far from an unusual pick amongst riders, though as the years pass perhaps gradually more so - it certainly reveals an appreciation for the history of the sport. as do the other choices, in a way... let's not forget that acosta was eight years old when casey retired. of course back in the day casey and dani themselves got plenty of criticism for how 'boring' they were - that's just how these things go! nobody's ever nostalgic for the present etc etc
pedro did also talk last year about how the public wants celebrations and rivalries, critiquing how friendly riders are nowadays and saying people want battles like jorge/dani, valentino/marc, and so on (full clip here)
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heartwarming: global number of people who still care about the valentino/sete rivalry is now confirmed at 2 (two)
obviously, you can't just go out and manufacture feuds because you're feeling like it, and pedro's had a pretty quiet rookie season in that sense. but once he feels like he's settled in and can challenge the infamous marc marquez in an actual title fight? on the basis of this rhetoric, you'd at least hope he's not going to be too shy in taking on the challenge. of course he too wants to beat marc more than anyone else... again, it's a question of legacy, how pedro clearly situates himself within the same lineage as both valentino and marc - even if personally he aspires to be more of a successor to the former than the latter. always better to take the crown for yourself, right? this is a kid who's clearly into the history of the sport and is already determined to make himself a big part of that story... weaving himself into that narrative by taking on a legend of the past, taking on the task of disposing with that legend himself. plus, given pedro is so aware of that history - he knows that what people remember are the rivalries. he wants some of that for himself! it'll be interesting to see how proactive he'll be in making that happen, certainly seems like an enterprising young lad
anyhow, yes, plenty of potential for both of those dynamics. and yes, they do very much want to beat marc - but if we're talking about who wants to beat him the most, jorge martin probably deserves a mention right around now. does have to be said that something dumb like the portimao thing is costing pecco and marc this year. it's kind of gone under given the sheer bucketloads of points all the title contenders are throwing away, but pecco would be eight not eighteen points behind in the standings if he had settled for sixth in portimao, and for marc it would be twenty four rather than thirty five points if he'd backed out of the move and had another go on the next lap. relatively unlikely to make a difference at the end of the season... though for mr title decider pecco bagnaia, it sure might be! I did joke about making the pecco/marc portimao thing tradition, but generally speaking two top riders crashing each other out isn't that common a thing, and it's pretty..? rare? that it's the same two riders on multiple occasions? I'm drawing a bit of a blank here, to be honest... then again, title contenders do seem to crash rather more than they used to (admittedly they also have a lot of opportunities now) - so maybe this is going to become a more regular occurrence. but what is more likely to happen is that when you have two competitive riders on the same bike, they do run the risk of taking turns stealing points from each other at the circuits where their bike is at its best. I think pecco and marc can probably minimise this given what a good all-round bike the ducati is across a range of different circuits, and also given that as individual riders they do at least seem to be reasonably distinct in what their strongest and weakest tracks are. all in all, I kind of doubt they'll cost each other like that next year... though admittedly if portimao is anything to go by I may be tempting fate
#still think marc's gonna WIN that fight and it could easily be one sided but I do *hope* it'll be interesting at least#pedro citing casey and schwantz together... actually wonder how casey feels about schwantz these days#brr brr#batsplat responds#//#i think my favourite moment of 'man you people really will not help each other' was late 2017#where you did kinda look at jorge/vale and go. guys marc's about to take a SIXTH title. those are YOUR numbers he's surpassing/threatening#and valentino was the one who mathematically killed his teammate's chance of beating marc by finishing right ahead of him at pi#whereas jorge... well. you know#it's quite funny because the whole time during pi '17 i did have a bit of my brain go 'oh god what if valentino makes marc crash'#because that was some HARD racing and can you IMAGINE what the discourse would've been??#so many people would've assumed he did it on purpose to try and stop marc from winning another title. and it could've done just that!!#kind of ironic? funny? tragic? fitting? that their actual next conflict ended up being over something so incredibly deeply pointless#another miss from my side was having a bit of a feeling about catalunya 2019 given it felt marc had been kinda terse all weekend#bit too close to valentino a bit too often!!#though i suppose it wasn't as much a 'miss' as it was 'jorge what the fuck was that'. i still think i was onto something with that race#wow this is a bit of a tangent... anyway idk always healthy to correct for how self centred these blokes are#not just in the sense of being selfish but also in that they're just thinking about themselves#that being said if you put motegi 2010 and phillip island 2017 side by side it is kind of interesting...#current tag
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lunar-wandering · 5 months ago
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head hurty
#was up so fucking late last night stressed out of my mind#cause it turns out all the stress and sacrifices i made for the foundational course i took??#all for fucking nothing#''the waitlist hasn't moved.'' yeah cause y'all brought in way more foundations students#than u actually had the diploma course space for#and like. theres nothing else i can fucking do.#if i try to get into a university i'd have to do something like a foundations course all over again#and have to do a bunch of shit i have no interest/talent in in order to get to the stuff i DO have interest/talent in#which is just fucking stupid. why the fuck is it set up like that.#if i'm trying to get into a uni creative writing course why the FUCK do i need to take SCIENCE#and i can't do online courses that are just writing. cause i can't fucking FOCUS in an online course#and any other course i might be interested in are in schools that are too damn far away and that i cant afford#so basically. i can do fucking nothing.#but once i tell my parents that the waitlist hasn't moved and that im definitely not gonna make it in#they're going to start HOUNDING me. even more than they already constantly do#im gonna have to sit through 3 hours of them yelling at me to ''stop pretending to be an idiot'#and to ''pull my life together''#and that ''everyone has to do stuff they don't like sometimes''#(yeah well my brain doesn't work like that. if i dont like the subject of the course i literally CAN'T LEARN)#(i will just straight up not retain any of the information and just be annoyed and stressed and upset the whole time)#and my parents will tell me im gonna end up living under a bridge for the thousandth time#and then they'll threaten to kick me out of the house/take away my internet for the millionth time#and then this will happen every day until i get into SOMETHING
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r0semultiverse · 5 months ago
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I don’t know, me personally, I just think two adults playing pretend & pretending being gross together with full open communication & consent between them is harmless, but maybe that’s just me.
#this is very much a vague post if there ever was one & I’m absolutely vagueing#again; pay attention to the wording & reread if you need to#I think adults playing pretend on its own is harmless as long as everyone involved consents to it#idk how much more simply I can put this tbh but had to unfollow someone over saying certain kinks are harmful#like wow okay if they knew my other blog they’d be saying I’m an absolute freak probably tbh#always seems to be younger folks who have the unhealthy takes about kink but in this case i cant say nothing yknow?#idk this person & they're going through some stuff so i can't really say anything without it sounding tone policing plus parasocial#but just because bad people like a kink doesn't make a kink bad; trauma too doesn't make a kink bad; uncomfortable maybe but not harmful#just like in general yknow? its only as harmful as you make it between yourself & others. Everyone has to communicate or the whole thing#will fall apart. In this case there was absolutely some communication issues which lead to trauma but also just seeing someone agree that#a kink I like is harmful is like idk made me super uncomfortable even if the person is traumatized & going through it still just yeesh#idk seeing someone you follow for a while be like 'yeah this kink you like is bad' when by itself its actually harmless just leaves a#bad taste in your mouth if that makes sense. it just really rubbed me the wrong way so mmm 😕#I hope that person gets all the help & support they need; I'm just uncomfy with the rhetoric of 'certain kink bad' when its just like not#you're traumatized actually is what's going on & that person who hurt you was into said kinks so now in your brain those r bad#absolutely fair way to feel; but adults playing pretend with these specific ones is absolutely not inherently harmful#& pushing that kind of mindset is also coincidentally something right wingers especially want right now & commonly so yeah no#I just bleh it makes me feel gross when other people say stuff akin to that like oh that's like SWERF rhetoric even if unintentional jeez 😓#mine#op
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adamnablelittledevil · 3 months ago
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I've dreamed with IWTV three times this month, and twice in a row this week. I don't remember the dreams anymore because I didn't immediately write them down, but I'm almost sure Armand was on 2/3 of them and Lestat appeared all times. It turns the brainrot can and will get worse, I fear...
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theotherrichardpapen · 2 years ago
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nigel & alex - to be haunted by your love
henri nouwen // like minds (2006) // death - melanie martinez // pope alexander - crywank // her mother's kiss - eugene carriere // sometimes i fall asleep thinking about you - catarine hancock // the song of achilles - madeline miller // achilles lamenting the death of patroclus - gavin hamilton // lee martens
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sysig · 2 years ago
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Dying about stick figures rn (Patreon)
#Doodles#AvA#Decided that since all of AvM Season 3 is out and compiled that would be a good thing to watch - and also all of Part V to start on Part VI#Because eating a whole bunch of A Thing at once is totally not a recipe for Things To Happen in my brain lol#Nah I'm happy about it ♪ I keep Meaning to do other things and then- :P Such is the way#Anyway it's been too long since I've drawn them <3 And I realized I have everyone's colours in pencil now! Not just ink!#Makes for some chunky lads at times - Red probably got the worst of it overall lol - but it's decently fun :D#My drawing teeny-tiny was amped up since y'know. They're stick figures - but did not take into account that my pencils are a little wide#Did not change after discovering this either lol you cannot remove me from my love of doodling tiny#Love 'em ♥#I still hold my fondness for The Dark Lord/The Chosen One! Yes I've seen all of Part V I just mentioned that! Lol#They are husbands I'm not in denial you're in denial#And then The King and Purple just kinda completely took over my attention lol ♪ I love them <3#Flawed lads both of them! Puzzle pieces shaped like each other's broken hearts#Nothing kills me faster than adopted kids crossing the touch barrier with their adopted parent and being open and safe with each other I die#I'm quite happy with Purple's hug there ah <3 For that reason but also the way his arms are wrapped around his dad haha#It's cute! :D I'm pleased ♫#I can imagine a lot of these in the animated style and honestly it's got me a little itching to give it a go#There's a reason stick figure animation is so popular! Beginner-friendly haha
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zemnarihah · 9 months ago
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i think one of the worst feelings in the world is having uncertainty about your living situation it is literally so stressful and there's like... not much i can do right now...
#so k is still planning on moving and may be leaving the 16th of may. but doesn't know for sure. but apparently the apartment she wants says#she has to notify our apartment now that she will be leaving which means we both have to sign something that says she's leaving and i'm#taking responsibility for the lease.... and she doesn't know that she has it yet so she doesn't have someone to move in and take her spot.#i'm trying to get my friends to move in but idk if they will probably not. regardless if k leaves and we don't have anyone then i like#legally have to pay the full rent. i don't think she would leave me hanging like that but also i feel so uncomfortable betting my whole#financial situation on that because i would LITERALLY get evicted. like i cannot afford that under any circumstances. sooo.#and on top of that i'm still so scared that i'll end up with a roommate i don't like. ik that's like not even that big of an issue like i've#had that before and i'll survive but i don't want to have to deal with that like ik im being a baby but i just feel so scared about the#whole thing#like i kind of want to say no to signing the thing but that would screw kate over and definitely blow up our friendship but i really don't#feel like our friendship is in a place where i feel like i can trust her with like. my whole entire bank account and credit score. bc like.#that's what's at risk.#idk i'm gonna talk to her about it and just make sure that there's no other way and make sure that she promises to pay her part of the rent#until someone takes it over. and also probably talk to my parents and see if they're willing to bail me out if she DOES fuck me over... i'm#99.99999% sure she won't but. idkkkk my brain is just nagging me abt that one little chance...
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leconcombrerit · 11 months ago
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"I will not go off on another tangent", she said, desperately trying to close the SAI folder where she keeps all her screeshots.
"BUT THE STRINGS OF THE CAMERA ARE RED YOUR HONOR THEY'RE RED DON'T YOU GET IT THEY'RE RED-"
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years ago
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#*problems occur on a project multiple ppl r working on* my boss @ me: what do u wanna do?#me. disastrously burnt out: i couldnt not even to give a fuck abt all this. i dont care i dont care i dont care#but thats not what i say. i say ok ill talk to the ppl and see how i can drop everything to help. and that probably means driving an hour#away to the other uni which is irrationally terrifying to me to the point where it will probably destroy my whole week a prevent me from#sleeping when i already am struggling to sleep. but its fine. ill get it done and itll be fine. for this stupid fucking project i dont#care abt. ay its so weird. ive never been this angry abt things. i mean its not even really anger its more dispair and frustration but it#manifests as just wanting to scream and throw a fit like a toddler. and i mean its my fault. i dont have to live the way that i do. i mean#i do but in an irrational compulsive way that i cant entirely control. but like its Saturday and i sepent 6 and a half hours taking#measurements and then met with my boss for like an hour and she was showing me cool imagines and talking abt cool new collaborators at her#new school and im just sitting there trying to maintain a smile bc my brain is semi disconnected from my body and im so exhausted#ugh. my brain is so fucked rn. i dont want to drive with even lower functioning thsn usual. and i was gonna meet my friend Tuesday morning#for once. and i might have to drive back and forth multiple days. ans what's my reward if were successful? two fucking weeks of watering#and measurement taking and i might have to stand around other ppl in all that time as well. usually im off spinning in circles by myself#amd looking unapproachable. i dont want to have to b a person around the undergrads#god im so weird. its like from the outside perspective if u were looking thru the window at me u would see me using a hammer and assume im#putting something together and i am but im also hammering nails thru my hand which no one asked me to do#so then why do i have to do it? ugh. thats y its a hard thing to complain abt bc ppl r like oh it sounds like ur compulsive habbits make u#productive and successful and yea sure but they're also destroying my life. im laying on the floor doubled over in pain and ppl r like oh#look how useful u r. who gives a fuck everything feels stretched and distorted like im suffering some sort of selfimposed Devin punishment#whatever. fuck this. tomorrow ill try my hardest to relax. literally i cant remember the last time i stayed in bed until at least 7am. ugh#but i also have some bullshit i have to get done tomorrow so well see#uuuuuugh let me leave this place @ schools send me ur official offers pls i wanna plan out my life for the next 5yrs#unrelated
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pygmi-says-hi · 4 months ago
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STOP DOING THIS IN INJURY FICS!!
Bleeding:
Blood is warm. if blood is cold, you’re really fucking feverish or the person is dead. it’s only sticky after it coagulates.
It smells! like iron, obv, but very metallic. heavy blood loss has a really potent smell, someone will notice.
Unless in a state of shock or fight-flight mode, a character will know they’re bleeding. stop with the ‘i didn’t even feel it’ yeah you did. drowsiness, confusion, pale complexion, nausea, clumsiness, and memory loss are symptoms to include.
blood flow ebbs. sometimes it’s really gushin’, other times it’s a trickle. could be the same wound at different points.
it’s slow. use this to your advantage! more sad writer times hehehe.
Stab wounds:
I have been mildly impaled with rebar on an occasion, so let me explain from experience. being stabbed is bizarre af. your body is soft. you can squish it, feel it jiggle when you move. whatever just stabbed you? not jiggly. it feels stiff and numb after the pain fades. often, stab wounds lead to nerve damage. hands, arms, feet, neck, all have more motor nerve clusters than the torso. fingers may go numb or useless if a tendon is nicked.
also, bleeding takes FOREVER to stop, as mentioned above.
if the wound has an exit wound, like a bullet clean through or a spear through the whole limb, DONT REMOVE THE OBJECT. character will die. leave it, bandage around it. could be a good opportunity for some touchy touchy :)
whump writers - good opportunity for caretaker angst and fluff w/ trying to manhandle whumpee into a good position to access both sites
Concussion:
despite the amnesia and confusion, people ain’t that articulate. even if they’re mumbling about how much they love (person) - if that’s ur trope - or a secret, it’s gonna make no sense. garbled nonsense, no full sentences, just a coupla words here and there.
if the concussion is mild, they’re gonna feel fine. until….bam! out like a light. kinda funny to witness, but also a good time for some caretaking fluff.
Fever:
you die at 110F. no 'oh no his fever is 120F!! ahhh!“ no his fever is 0F because he’s fucking dead. you lose consciousness around 103, sometimes less if it’s a child. brain damage occurs at over 104.
ACTUAL SYMPTOMS:
sluggishness
seizures (severe)
inability to speak clearly
feeling chilly/shivering
nausea
pain
delirium
symptoms increase as fever rises. slow build that secret sickness! feverish people can be irritable, maybe a bit of sass followed by some hurt/comfort. never hurt anybody.
ALSO about fevers - they absolutely can cause hallucinations. Sometimes these alter memory and future memory processing. they're scary shit guys.
fevers are a big deal! bad shit can happen! milk that till its dry (chill out) and get some good hurt/comfort whumpee shit.
keep writing u sadistic nerds xox love you
ALSO I FORGOT LEMME ADD ON:
YOU DIE AT 85F
sorry I forgot. at that point for a sustained period of time you're too cold to survive.
pt 2
also please stop traumadumping in the notes/tags, that's not the point of this post. it's really upsetting to see on my feed, so i'm muting the notifs for this post. if you have a question about this post, dm me, but i don't want a constant influx of traumatic stories. xox
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imavikingo · 2 months ago
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kinda personal (again)
The other day I was scrolling through ig reels and a dude talked about how you don't really need to know every single thing about anatomy to draw accurate/good proportioned bodies, but instead have a good sense of spatial awareness and... Fuck man. I don't have that.
I suck at it so badly in every sense of the word... Like I have had a ton of bruises for being clumsy and hitting myself with furniture or things. I often miss a step and fall of my ass (one memorable time I fell down the stairs like a turtle -bc I had a backpack- and couldn't stand up. Fun times). I also can't seem to draw things without having to check over and over with references (And I still can't get them to look right! And don't get me started at perspective or backgrounds. I've literally cried for/because of those fuckers. That's also why I get so weirded out/perfectionist/nitpicky about my own stuff. Because I can't seem to look at it with "normal" eyes. I've tried, it doesn't work). I often have difficulties with a lot of shit because of it and then some (yay for having a roomba brain, I guess).
And it's not something I can really get better at fast or without a lot of work and time (and patience! Something I also lack, because who has time for that. I need things like yesterday! Chop chop brain. And shit... I can't really wait for stuff man) sure I can have some cheats and help (and the delightful use of references, muaks) , but I can't get better at it in a timely manner (meaning now or soon and for forever. Because I constantly forget how to draw and how to paint and other stuff. It's a real struggle. Also for me to use references means to do a finished drawing and that means fatigue and suffering and nitpicking and self doubt). I never knew about this when I was younger and I never thought it was weird or a symptom of something else. I was always just clumsy, couldn't differentiate from left and right and drew weird proportioned bodies besides other "weird" shit. I didn't have a clue because people (adults) didn't have a real problem with my behavior or way of being because I was overall a good student/kid and had good grades and was mostly quiet (I don't blame them nor my parents, it's just weird to be like that since forever and suddenly realize I can't function like I should as an adult or that I have disabilities that have always been there. The chronic pain doesn't help either, but hey! I'm trying and my life is normal-ish so it isn't terrible. It's just annoying and difficult sometimes)
The point is!!! I'm shit at spatial awareness and I get frustrated because I want to be better at it without the constant fight and struggle!
#It's like when a dog wants to play ball but doesn't want for you to take the ball from em to be able to throw it.#Just throw the ball! Don't take it from me! Kinda thing#That's how my brain works lmao#Who would have thought that having adhd and -most than likely be audhd. Bc hey I haven't been tested for the other yet- would be so weird#I mean sure I've been like this my whole life but to suddenly have an explanation and reason of being?#And that my failings and struggles are mostly bc my brain functions differently?#Besides that my body -mostly my head- hates my guts and can and will make it know every single week (The fucker)#Idk I just needed that thought to leave my body and be placed into the void that is Tumblr#kinda personal#Also hey I will try my best to keep being better and drawing what I like... I'm just slower and more self-conscious about it#Also! I studied anatomy at uni! It was nice but didn't help much! Because I didn't know I had a problem with stuff at that point#Now I know and actually try to observe and deconstruct stuff into more simple shapes. Is hard still! But I'm trying!!#The perfectionist and self doubting asshole that lives rent free in my head doesn't help. But I'm trying!#I don't like to talk about my struggles (even less being really serious about them) because I feel they're excuses and also bc-#I don't like to parade my problems on the internet or to ppl in general (I've over shared info before. It's not fun or a wise thing 2 do)#But I found this kinda hilarious because I love to draw and I want to draw but I can't even do that without problems lmao#Also I've always talked and referred to my bran is roomba brain bc it's funnier that way
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