#they're so important to me each and every one

[elliesbabygirl]

ch.008 ⇄ch.009; everything is romantic- charli xcx

"early nights in white sheets with lace curtains"

my masterlist.

word count: 5.1k words

series synopsis: friends with benefits, that's what ellie wanted. yet, she can't let you go, even after the messy 'breakup' between the two of you.

warnings: swearing, lesbian sex, fingering (r! receiving), dirty talk (from ellie, kinda sub ellie undertones for a bit, strap-on sex (r! receiving), tit play/sucking, FERAL Ellie, mentions of pregnancy, slight (HUGE) mention of Ellie developing a breeding kink, kissing, drinking, wedding themes (not for Ellie and r!) but Ellie does mention wanting to MARRY reader, and slight use of y/n. This whole final chapter is literally just SEX because Ellie's a munch n I said so

author's note: so we're finally here... it's the finale ch. for 'run your mouth'. I'm so like distraught almost cause you guys... 'rym' is my baby😭. I really am so excited for you guys to read this last chapter. It does have a bit of time skip but that's not important for my babies cause they're gonna be happy (get nastyyy) with each other. It's been a rollercoaster of emotions with ellie and y/n but I really do love them. Enjoy this last chapter of 'rym' and as always, this last chapter is not proofread and just pure horny sex🩷

The reception hall was glowing with string lights, the air buzzing with laughter, clinking glasses, and the kind of soft music that made even the stiffest guests sway a little in their chairs. Ellie was leaning back in hers, one arm slung casually over the back of your seat, a half-full glass of champagne dangling loosely in her other hand.

You were both a little tipsy—okay, maybe a lot—but not enough to forget the way she’d been looking at you all night like you’d walked out of some dream.

“Can’t believe I get to sit next to the hottest person here,” Ellie murmured, her voice low, words just a little too smooth from the champagne. Her eyes dropped to your navy blue dress for the fifth—or maybe fifteenth—time that evening. “This dress should be illegal.”

You grinned, the compliment landing harder than it should have. “You’ve told me that three times already, Ellie.”

She smirked, completely unashamed. “Yeah, and I meant it every time.”

You leaned in closer, your voice soft enough that only she could hear. “You’re one to talk. This suit? The rolled-up sleeves? You look like you walked straight out of a youngmiko music video that I replayed too many times.”

Ellie flushed, clearly trying to play it cool and failing miserably. “You’re just saying that ’cause you’ve had champagne.”

“I’m saying it ’cause it’s true.” you said, brushing your hand against her thigh under the table, the touch subtle but intimate.

Her breath caught, and she looked at you like she couldn’t believe you were really here—at a wedding, sitting this close, laughing, teasing, loving her. It was new, but it wasn’t. It felt like everything you both had fought for finally leading somewhere good.

“I should ask Tommy if he needs help cleaning up,” she joked, eyes still on you. “Get outta here early. You know, in case my girlfriend in the navy dress wants to dance with me in the kitchen instead.”

You laughed, cheeks warm. “Or maybe just finish our champagne and behave like adults.”

Ellie grinned, leaned in close enough for her nose to brush against yours. “No promises, babe.”

And then she kissed you, quick and quiet, in the middle of a hundred people—there was no tension, no weight from the past.

You were both still giggling like teenagers hiding something, the champagne doing its job as Ellie leaned in closer, her breath warm against your cheek. Her fingers brushed lightly against the hem of your dress, just teasing the edge where it met your thigh beneath the tablecloth, her touch feather-light but very intentional.

Her lips curled into a grin—that grin—wide and mischievous, like she knew exactly what she was doing. “Hey,” she murmured, voice playful and just low enough for only you to hear. “Wanna ditch early?”

You raised an eyebrow, trying to keep your expression even, but your growing smile gave you away. “Ellie…”

“What?” she asked, eyes wide with fake innocence, though the gleam in them gave her away. “I’m just saying, we could be home… you in that dress, me in this suit… not sharing a table with my second cousins right now.”

You snorted, nearly choking on your champagne. “You’re ridiculous.”

Ellie leaned in closer, her hand still resting dangerously close to your thigh, her lips brushing your ear. “Yeah,” she whispered, “but you like me like this.”

You did.

You really, really did.

And from the way her fingers laced through yours next, anchoring you even in the chaos of the room, it was clear she felt the same.

Ellie fumbled a bit with the key, still buzzed from the champagne and the weight of the day, her tie loose and jacket slung over one arm. You leaned against the hallway wall, slipping off your heels with a tired groan, your bare feet finally hitting cool hardwood.

Without warning, Ellie scooped you up bridal-style, laughing as you let out a soft yelp.

“Ellie!”

“What?” she grinned, pushing the door open with her shoulder. “It’s tradition, and you looked too damn good to let you walk in.”

She kicked the door shut behind you both, your giggles mingling with hers as she carried you across the threshold like it was a honeymoon instead of just another night from a party. The lights were low in the apartment, golden and warm, the quiet hum a contrast to the clinking glasses and music from earlier.

“You’re such a sap,” you mumbled, arms looped around her neck now, your cheek resting against her shoulder.

Ellie walked you into the living room, setting you gently on the couch before leaning in to press a soft kiss to your temple. “Yeah,” she murmured, brushing a hand along your jaw, “but only for you.”

The way Ellie's hands lingered at your waist made it obvious she wasn’t going far. You both were still giggling from the champagne, the soft hum of the apartment light casting a golden glow over her flushed cheeks.

“You know,” you teased, brushing your fingers along the loose knot of her tie, “that wasn’t even our wedding.”

Ellie snorted, leaning in until your noses nearly touched, her lips quirking. “Yeah, I know.”

You grinned, poking her side. “oh, you so wish.”

Ellie’s ears went red immediately, her laugh getting caught in her throat. “Shut up,” she mumbled, but her grin was wide—cheesing, stupid and soft and utterly in love with you.

You let out a breathless laugh as Ellie nearly trips over her own feet, both of you still tangled in the warmth of the post-wedding buzz. The second she catches herself from falling on top of you, she gives you that lopsided grin—the one that never fails to turn your stomach into butterflies.

Ellie’s breath was warm against your cheek as she whispered, “Maybe I do wanna make you my wife.” The words made your chest tighten in a way that was almost overwhelming — in a good way. She leaned in again, her lips finding yours with a tenderness that quieted the world outside the apartment. You caught her with a small laugh when she nearly lost her balance, her arms bracing around you, giggling against your lips.

The playfulness softened into something else — quiet, vulnerable, real. Ellie’s hands slid down to yours, fingers threading through them as she looked at you like you were something she was still afraid to lose.

“I mean it,” she said softly, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear. “I don’t know when, or how, but I want that. you, all of it. Whatever it takes y/n.”

You blinked, searching her face, her words sinking in and settling in your chest like warmth. You brought a hand to her cheek, stroking her skin gently.

“Ellie...” you murmured, eyes looking at her as if she was holding the world in her hands, just for you.

Ellie kissed you again, slower this time, more intentional. Her hands were warm and familiar on your back, your waist, as the two of you curled into each other on the couch. The champagne glow had faded, but in its place was something steadier — the quiet buzz of belonging.

The warmth of her lips was still fresh on yours as the moment stretched, slow and golden, softened by champagne and all the stupid tenderness wrapped around Ellie’s heart like ivy.

Her forehead rested against yours, her breath quiet, chest rising and falling in sync with your own as you curled together on the couch like it wasn’t made of fabric but memory—like the world outside had faded to a hush and left only the two of you, flushed and grinning, pulsing with the kind of intimacy that asked for nothing but to be felt.

Ellie had settled between your legs somewhere during that long, meandering kiss, her weight resting gently, reverently, her tie hanging askew from her open collar.

She didn’t say anything at first. Just watched you, a thumb brushing over the curve of your cheekbone like she could read the softness there, trace it like braille. Her freckles were still pink from the booze, and her pupils blown wide—not just from lust, but adoration, something heavier.

Her fingers found your hand again, intertwining slow, and she dipped in to kiss the corner of your mouth, almost shy. Then lower—along your jaw, beneath your ear, where her whisper barely stirred the skin.

“I’m gonna marry you, baby”

You felt it like a secret whispered right into your bones, low and serious despite the sweetness. Her mouth tickled over your neck, and she nudged her nose just beneath your ear as her other hand slid low, slipping beneath the hem of your dress where the fabric had already begun to ride up your thighs.

“I mean it,” she murmured, her lips brushing each syllable into your skin like she could etch them into your skin. Her fingers were warm—tentative at first, grazing over your inner thigh, up the gentle curve, and then dipping between your thighs.

You weren’t wearing anything underneath, it would've clashed with the dress, in your defense. She hummed softly at the discovery, breath catching, mouth still teasing your jaw. “Fuck, baby…”

She ghosted her fingers along your folds, feather-light, barely there, like she didn’t want to spook you but needed to touch you. And when your legs parted for her without needing words, just trust, she let out a quiet, breathy laugh—so soft, so fucking reverent. “Yeah… just like that.”

Her fingers circled delicately over your clit, light and teasing, no real pressure yet, just the light flirt of her touch.

She was still looking up at you, eyes glassy, drunk. Not from champagne anymore but from you—from the way your hips shifted for her, the way your breath caught, how your lashes fluttered as her fingertip finally pressed in deeper, slick and slow.

Her other hand came up to cup your cheek, tilting your face towards her, grounding you in the sheer honesty of her gaze.

“I wanna put a ring on your finger, y’know that?” ellie whispered again, her voice so low it was almost a confession. “Wanna wake up next to you every morning. Wanna see you barefoot in the kitchen, yellin’ at me for burnin’ the eggs while the kids scream in the background.”

You laughed, breathless, trembling slightly as her fingers slipped inside, slow and gentle, curling just right. She paused, eyes flicking up to yours. “That okay?”

You whined. God, you whined

Ellie's smile turned soft and sly as she pressed deeper, thumb circling your clit now with more purpose. “Good,” she said, kissing your neck again. “’Cause I need you like we're already married.”

Your hips arched into her hand at that, a quiet gasp escaping your lips. “E–Ellie…”

She whined against your skin at the sound, a flush coloring her neck. “God, I love the way you say my name when I touch you.”

Her pace was so gentle it was maddening, like she was trying to memorize every slick, fluttering clench of you around her fingers.

Her wrist moved just enough, angle perfect, letting her thumb roll your clit in slow, loving circles while her other hand still held your face like you were the most precious thing she’d ever been allowed to love.

“You’re so fucking warm, babe,” she whispered, voice rough now. “So soft inside… like you were made to take me. Like you were made to be mine.”

Your breath hitched, legs tightening around her waist, and she hummed again, pleased, burying her face against your throat as her fingers pumped slowly in and out, soaking in the wetness slicking down her knuckles. She whimpered at it, soft and breathy, like it was too much. Like loving you like this was almost too tender for her chest to hold.

“Mmm—god, I could do this all night,” she whispered, kissing your collarbone, mouthing at it between words. “Just… hold you open, make you come slow, over and over… ���til you can’t even speak anymore, just say my name all fucked out, and then I’ll ask you again—ask you to marry me—and you’ll say yes this time. I know you will.”

You clenched around her fingers, your body betraying you before your voice could catch up, a high moan slipping from your lips as you arched beneath her, thighs trembling. “Ellie…”

“Yeah,” she breathed, desperate now, fingers working a little faster but still so careful, so full of aching love. “You’re mine, baby. Already are, gonna give you my last name, give you everything.”

Her mouth dragged up to kiss you, lips trembling with restraint even as your orgasm crested like a slow, perfect wave—pulling through your whole body in shuddering pulses, wet and hot around her fingers.

Ellie swallowed your moan with her kiss, her other hand cradling the back of your head as you came undone for her, as she whispered everything she’d never quite had the courage to say out loud.

“Gonna fill you up with me someday,” she murmured, still pressing tiny kisses between words, as her fingers slowed, curled up inside you. “Put a baby in you… make you glow for me… swollen belly and everything, my wife…”

You shook in her arms, her soft promises breaking something wide open in you. She held you through it, lips brushing your temple, her fingers staying inside like she couldn’t quite bear to leave you empty.

The bedroom was dim, lit only by the slow-turning fan above and the faint spill of citylight filtering through slats in the blinds—soft, dusky blue on Ellie’s skin as she loomed over you, her mouth parted, hair sweat-damp and mussed like she’d sprinted to get here.

Neither of you remembered exactly how you got from the couch to the bed—just that at some point your legs stopped holding steady, and Ellie had you pressed against the hallway wall, then the doorframe, and then onto her sheets with her mouth on yours like she couldn’t breathe otherwise.

Now her body hovered above you, tense with heat, a deep want radiating from her in waves. The strap was snug on her hips, the harness low and tight, the blue silicone base grinding subtly against her as she positioned herself, the toy slick with both lube and your slick.

Her hands braced by your shoulders, but her eyes never left yours—wide, pleading in a way that disguised how desperately she was moving.

“You’re gonna let me give it to you, right?” Ellie asked, breath ragged, voice cracking in the middle. “Let me make you come again? Let me fuck it into you?”

You whimpered beneath her, thighs open, back arched towards her with nothing but need strung tight through your stomach.

Ellie groaned at the sound, her hips giving an instinctive little buck before she caught herself. She pressed her forehead to yours, trembling just from being inside your gravity space. “Fuck—you make me crazy, you know that?”

She rocked her hips forward and eased inside with one slow, wet thrust—slick resistance giving way as your body welcomed the thick intrusion, slowly stretching around the toy.

Ellie gasped, hand clenching the sheets near your shoulder, her whole body shuddering as if she could feel it with you.

“God—you’re so tight, baby,” she whispered, teeth grit, eyes locked on where your bodies met. “So fucking perfect…”

Your moan was caught between your throat and lips, breath stuttering as Ellie's strap filled you deep, the pressure grounding, hot and full. Your legs curled around her waist on instinct, pulling her in, and Ellie nearly collapsed on top of you.

“Y-you—fuck, you want this, yeah?” she babbled, voice trembling as she began to thrust in slow, rolling strokes. “Want me to keep fucking you like this? Want me to fill you up—stretch you out—keep you open for me?”

You choked on a moan, fingers digging into her back, your heels locking behind her hips. Ellie made a broken sound, a raw little whimper as she pressed deeper, harder, finding a rhythm that rocked you into the mattress.

“That’s it, that’s it, just—just like that, baby” she gasped, sweat slicking her forehead, her whole body working to chase your pleasure like it was the only thing that mattered.

She wasn’t performing, wasn’t posing—she looked desperate to please, her breath breaking with every thrust, her hand curling tight against the side of your face like she was holding on for dear life. “I need—need you to come for me again, please, baby, please, I wanna feel it, even if I can’t really—fuck—feel it inside me, I feel it here—”

Her hand dropped to your stomach, spreading wide over your pelvis, pressing as her thrusts grew deeper, more focused, more consuming. “Right here, baby. Right where our kid’s gonna be. I can feel you taking me. You’re gonna get so full for me, aren’t you?”

Your whine turned sharp, hips jolting up into hers as the words ignited something feral in you—Ellie could see it, feel it, and she gasped like your need fed her own.

“Yeah,” she hissed, forehead pressed against yours again, her breath hitting your lips with every ragged exhale. “Gonna make you so fucking pregnant, baby—gonna fuck it into you every night ‘til it takes. Gonna keep you filled up with me—til you’re mine, forever.”

Your eyes fluttered shut, overwhelmed, and Ellie’s hands moved—one sliding behind your thigh to pull your leg higher, tilting your hips just enough for her to hit deeper, harder, her strokes now soaked with rhythm and need, the base of the strap grinding against her clit with every motion.

“C’mon—c’mon, baby, please come for me,” she whispered, voice cracking again as her mouth found your neck, kissing hard, teeth grazing, marking you. “I need it, need you to come—need to feel you fuckin’ clench around me like you want it, like you want my kids—”

You broke around her with a cry, your climax punching through your core like lightning, thighs trembling, cunt pulsing wildly around the strap as she groaned into your skin, chasing each ripple with frantic, desperate thrusts.

“Oh fuck, yes, that’s it, that’s it, good girl, fuck—fuuuuck—”

You were barely catching your breath before Ellie was slowing, but not stopping—just grinding deep, holding you close, trembling all over as if she’d come too.

Ellie was still shaking above you, arms trembling from the strain of holding back, her hips pressing tight, the strap buried to the hilt inside you—wet and snug and twitching with every tiny flex of your walls. She was panting against your cheek, forehead pressed to yours, and you could feel the tremor in her voice before she even spoke.

“I—fuck, I need—can I—can I keep going?” she whimpered, her voice cracking, almost breathless from restraint. Her hips gave a small, involuntary roll, the pressure tight and immediate, her clit grinding against the base of the strap with every shift. “I know, I know you’re sensitive, baby, I know—but I’m so close—please…”

You moaned softly, still coming down, body trembling, cunt fluttering around the thick toy still stretching you full. Every tiny movement made your breath catch, overstimulated nerves lighting up like sparks. But Ellie’s voice—raw, needy, cracked open with need—made something deep in you throb all over again.

She started moving—slow at first, trying to be gentle, her whimpers growing louder the more she rocked her hips forward, the harness grinding tight against her clit with every push. Her forehead dragged down to your collarbone, lips brushing your skin in shaky kisses.

“I can’t stop—I can’t,” she whimpered , voice desperate now, almost crying with it. “You feel too good… you’re so wet, baby, I can feel everything—I can feel you squeezing me like you don’t want me to stop…”

You moaned, overwhelmed but pliant beneath her, and that sound made Ellie whimper brokenly, like she was right on the edge. Her hips stuttered harder, deeper, every thrust slapping slick between your thighs as her body chased friction, lost in the feel of your heat wrapped around her strap. Even if she couldn't feel it.

“Please,” she whispered again, mouth dragging lower, “please just—just let me…”

Her lips closed around your breast, sucking with a needy little groan, her tongue flicking the sensitive peak. She bit gently, grazing you just enough to make your back arch, the jolt of sensation blurring into the ache already humming in your overstimulated cunt.

She sobbed against your skin as she rutted harder, her movements frantic now, hips rocking wild and fast, the harness squeaking faintly with every grind. Her moans were soft and high, almost helpless, whimpering into your chest like she couldn’t hold it anymore.

“Fuck, I’m gonna come—baby, I’m gonna—please, just—just let me—”

She bit down again, a little harder this time, muffling her whine in your breast as her whole body locked up above you. Her thighs trembled, her hips jerked once, twice—and then she came with a gasping cry, clutching you to her chest as her orgasm tore through her.

Her body shuddered, her moans soft and broken as she grounded herself down hard, dragging every last wave of pleasure out through the strap’s pressure against her aching clit. She was sobbing little breaths, lips still on your skin, repeating your name like a prayer.

You cradled her as she rode it out, breathless and shaking and wrecked, her fingers gripping your waist like she needed to anchor herself to you or she’d drift away.

Finally, finally, she stilled—limp and soaked with sweat, still buried inside you, forehead pressed between your breasts as her breath came in shuddering gasps.

“I didn’t mean to get so—fuck—I just… I needed you so bad, baby..” she whispered hoarsely.

The room was quiet, heavy with the scent of sweat and skin and something deeper—like sex left out in the open, warm and messy and unspoken. The sheets were tangled around your legs, damp with both of you, the strap still loosely harnessed to Ellie’s hips, forgotten in the lull of it.

She laid half on top of you, face buried against your chest, her breath warm and slow now, soft exhales against the skin just above your heart. Her freckles were flushed, lips parted, still pink from kissing too much. One arm lay draped over your stomach, the other curled beneath you, fingers twitching every now and then, like even in sleep she didn’t want to let go.

Neither of you spoke. There was no need. The silence wasn’t empty—it was full, humming with the echo of everything you’d said with your bodies. Her thigh was still slotted between yours, sticky and slick, and every slow breath made the toy shift inside you slightly, a reminder of how full she’d left you, how much she’d wanted you to take, both physically and emotionally.

Outside, the night murmured, a car passing, and a dog barking distantly. But here, in the nest of Ellie’s bed, it was just the hush of two bodies wound together in the aftermath of something that had left them both exhausted and full.

Ellie stirred once, just enough to press a kiss—clumsy and drowsy—against your collarbone, then mumbled so faintly you barely caught it.

“Mine.”

And then she was still again, letting the quiet wrap around you both like the softest possible kind of claim.

© elliesbabygirl - all rights reserved. do not copy, translate or share my work on other media platforms.

author's note: wow, that's a whole lot of horny desperate lesbian sex.... 😭PLEASE stick with me you guys. I am so deeply beyond grateful for this series and all the love you guys have given me during this series. I really do hope you guys have loved and enjoyed this series like I have, it was my first major attempt at writing a series, so thank you from the CORE of my heart. Please ask/request anything from me as a mini celebration for 'RYM' ending. 🩷thank you so much.

TAGLIST: @liasxeatt @vahnilla @sleepingwasp @morticeras @violetszn @eriiwaiii2 @elliesactualgirlfriend @mikellie @lovely-wisteria @idletyouruinme @losing-it-lately @robinphobia @sexlus @lez-zuha @liztreez @linabellaox @piscesfairyyy @sturniluvr @piercedome @rxreaqia @k1utzymitry @flowllily

[confusedhummingbird]

The Nightwing subreddit made me dislike Nightwing…he was one of my absolute favorite characters. But you know what? I’m a Starfire fan first. The way Nightwing fans talk about Starfire and drag her for the sake of still being a popular and talked about love interest of his is angers me. Nightwing subreddit is the only place in which the majority seems to prefer Babs. Or Dick with other random love interests. They ship Dick with every possible female dc character but Starfire is so hated there. It hurts to see that. I used to love love love dickkory but I can’t stand the hate towards my favorite character (Starfire) anymore.

I'm so sorry, Anon.

I admit I'm always a Dick Grayson fan first. But rest assured you will never hear me bashing Kory. The closest thing I'll do is talk about how an asshole moment from her is OOC. Like her attitude towards Dick after Mirage. Or weirdly making her jealous in Titans 1999. I adore Kory because she's amazing and I love her whether she's with Dick or not.

I completely understand hating a character because they're fans just bash your favorite character. That's what made me go neutral to Jason to hating him.

Honestly I don't think you're a true Dick Grayson fan if you can't appreciate Kory. She's so important to him both as a person but as someone who inspired him. She's why we have Nightwing to begin with. Even when they're broken up. They're still teammates and care about each other. It's like being a Dick fan and hating Donna Troy. You don't get Dick if you hate either of them or insult them.

[ilikekidsshows]

Let's not forget that he also reuses plot points so often it's not even funny. How long is the butterfly going to be used for evil? How many times is Marinette going to lose to Miracle Box? How many times is there going to be some Super Important Adult (both good and evil) that turns out to be some loser because they need Marinette to be the specialest most important person to ever exist? Wow, Felix is an abused child who lashes out and does some bullshit with the Miraculouses? We definitely haven't seen that in any other blonde teenager with a shitty family and we're def not gonna be getting that exact same story with her sister later in the season despite the fact that we been knew about that shit, it was literally her intro, so idk why they're repeating it again. Ivan's new side story is literally just Adrien's story but also why are we getting it now? We don't keep an official count but considering every episode has "Marinette make a mistake" then every episode should apply in the "Episodes Where Marinette is Upsette and Cries About It Until People are Forced to Comfort Her" counter. Etc. Etc.

Currently they're doing that whole "oh no, this huge secret is something Adrian can't find out because it involves his family and so his parent is """""haunting""""" the narrative" which is just a repeat of basically the whole series except instead of Emilie like in the first five seasons, it's Gabriel. And it was shit with Emilie back then and it's shit with Gabriel now.

---

Yeah, like, I just don’t care about “Adrien can’t know anything about anything ever because the world will end otherwise”, because it’s just a cheap excuse to maintain the status quo. It just brings more attention to the fact that there even is an unshakeable status quo when they give excuses for why the characters willingly maintain it. Seriously, Miraculous is starting to resemble an animated adult dramedy with how much of the status quo is maintained by the protagonist willingly, repeatedly and constantly doing stupid shit and absolutely refusing to self-reflect.

And that status quo is the reason that, even when we get long-awaited plotlines, they get handed to unimportant side characters so that it won’t actually impact anything in the long run. What’s that, you’ve been waiting for Adrien to deal with his dad being a villain and his friend supporting him since the first episode? Fuck that shit, that entire plot is now a single episode dedicated to Ivan! Did you say lovesquare identity reveal? Oh, hell no, we’ll have the two bit parts where one of them has only been essential in two episodes so far confess to each other exactly like you might imagine the lovesquare doing it, which means that, if we do eventually get a lovesquare reveal, it won’t be like that! It’ll probably be god-awful on purpose to “subvert expectations” and make you wish they never did the reveal after all!

We couldn’t possibly have anything actually meaningful happen in this story, because the writers are too lazy to do anything but have the same stuff happen but more and worse to pretend escalation is the same thing as development. It makes me want to punch drywall.

[rainbowsky]

Hi RBS! I felt very moved and inspired by their individual stories and their love. So much that it’s given me more motivation in my own life, hoping to develop some of the amazing qualities I see in them. To be able to put in the dedication and work to be the best you can be, to fight for your passions and your person, and to pick yourself up after failure when you need to without letting it break you – that’s very much a person I’d like to be.

So I wanted to ask: Have they/their relationship inspired you in your on life?

Hi blah-bla-blah!

Far be it from me to answer a fun, simple question with a fun, simple answer! 😅

Thanks for the question, I hope you're well! You're right, those are good qualities to have, and I'm glad you've been inspired to become a better version of yourself.

I think this is an interesting question for every turtle to ponder. Not only is it fun/valuable to reflect on how GG and DD have inspired us, but I think it's equally important to have some self-reflection around what we get out of fandom and out of following them.

It's easy to get caught up in fandom and in beautiful pictures and exciting stories and lose sight of where we are in all of this.

I want to be a better person and live a better life, and I equally want to make sure I'm not doing anything harmful or losing sight of what's important both as an individual and as a fan.

So here's the honest truth on that.

The good

On a personal level, GG and DD have had a huge impact on my life and on my perspective. Most of that impact has been due to who they are, where they're from and what they create rather than anything to do with their relationship or 'their love'.

Yes, like most turtles I find GG and DD's devotion to each other and their incredible alignment and rapport with each other very unique, sweet and even entertaining - especially their bickering in multiple languages and through cryptic references - but that's not by any means the biggest impact they've had on me.

Probably because I define 'impacts' as 'factors that have changed something fundamentally about me or my life'.

Here are some of the most positive impacts:

Expanding my horizons

Since becoming a fan of GG and DD I've noticed that my world and my mind have expanded dramatically on multiple fronts. I have been inspired to dig deeply into Chinese social and political topics, history, culture, queer issues, human rights, etc. and I've become a bit of a scholar on all of that (and by 'scholar' I mean 'someone who strives to learn as much as possible' not 'someone who knows a lot').

And I have learned a lot about China and many topics as they pertain to China, but by extension I've also learned a lot more about that entire region of the world - the political, social and historical realities, the cities and geography, the languages and cultures, the landscape of queer rights, queer acceptance and queer culture, etc. And as someone who was already interested in Asian countries and cultures, it's been humbling to realize how little I actually knew/know.

It has enriched my life immeasurably to have these topics become a deep interest of mine.

Fan fiction

Another really great thing that's come out of my interest in GG and DD is that I've developed an appreciation for and an interest in fan fiction - which has in turn enriched my life in so many ways:

It's given me a new perspective on remixing culture and a newfound respect and admiration for one of the most maligned and marginalized art forms on the planet. I strongly feel most of the hate fanfic gets comes directly out of misogyny as channelled through the more socially acceptable vectors of queerphobia/kinkphobia. I can't help but compare remix culture in male-dominated musical spaces with remix culture in female-dominated fandom and literary spaces, and look critically at how differently they are treated in our society. How differently they are valued, perceived and discussed.

It has given me an entirely new insight into writing and into how to improve writing. Almost all the published material that exists in the world is heavily edited and highly polished, so that we're rarely put in a position to be exposed to a lot of amateur writing. Reading so much amateur - often somewhat raw - writing has enabled me to get a much fuller picture of the structures of storytelling and of what works and doesn't work for me, which has had a positive impact on my writing and on my attitude toward storytelling.

Reading a broad range of stories has really opened my mind about a lot of things I used to have a bit of a closed-minded attitude about. ABO, for example, used to creep me out. Now I find the ways this genre examines and subverts social structures extremely interesting and compelling (although there are still limits to my appreciation of the genre).

I've also learned more about myself and my kinks through reading fan fiction. I have had the occasional moment of self-discovery from reading stories that feature so many different relationships and dynamics, and that go to so many unique lengths to explore and subvert social and sexual norms. This is part of why I feel so strongly that the exploration people do via reading and writing fanfic is deeply important, even if authors and readers don't always set out to have a 'meaningful journey' when they write/read a particular story. And once an interest has been sparked, there are dozens, hundreds - in some cases even thousands - of stories to be found that explore or examine that angle/topic.

One good example of this is just the idea of romantic/sweet stories in general. I have never been particularly interested in such things. I consider myself to be pretty unromantic. I'm not even much of a romcom guy. My partner likes romcoms, and I generally just 'tolerate' them when he puts one on. If someone told me prior to getting into this fandom that one day I'd spend a lot of time reading romance stories I would have thought they were trolling me, but here I am voraciously reading about how a cafe barista meets a graphic designer and falls in love, or getting excited about the new ER doctor/single dad music teacher story or whatever. 😅

It has also given me an entire community of interesting people to connect with (and a whole new language/way of connecting) that I previously had no idea existed.

The vast majority of the fan fiction I read is WangXian fan fic, but I never in a million years would have started reading fan fic at all if it weren't for GG and DD and my interest in them.

Putting myself out there

I've talked a bit about this in the past, but blogging has been somewhat rehabilitative for me. I tend to keep to myself a lot and I don't generally put myself out there in a public way. IRL I'm quite private and even withdrawn. My interest in GG and DD has given me a venue for being more socially open without making me feel too socially unsafe.

As a result I've made a lot of new friends and I've been able to share my ideas in ways I've never been able to before. Especially on topics like this. I just can't imagine myself ever talking openly about some of the topics I talk about on my blog - particularly some of the topics that are stigmatized or considered to be 'feminine' topics - prior to getting into this fandom.

And because I've been discussing and sharing these topics for so many years, I've become much more comfortable with and open to discussing them IRL. Some of them, anyway. It's progress.

I've also discovered that there are ways to feel socially comfortable, confident and safe in the world. This is huge for me. As an autistic/ADHD queer person I have often felt uncomfortable in social situations, worried about whether I will be misunderstood or put my foot in my mouth. Here I've found people who have a lot of the same issues, and I've mostly been accepted for who I am (although of course I've also had a lot of hate thrown at me).

I've always had 'special interests', but I've rarely ever been able to fully explore them and share them with others. Tumblr has given me a platform/venue to do that, and it's made a huge difference to my life and to my self-acceptance around being different and around having deep interests that others find strange.

Overall, having this blog and sharing these interests has been a massive positive force in my life.

Self-acceptance

Another thing that GG and DD have given me is a better perspective on my own limitations and self-expectations. While a lot of fans say GG and DD inspire them to strive for more, achieve more, etc. - and they do for me as well to some degree - the bigger impact is that they remind me that not everyone is going to be a superstar, and that's OK.

GG and DD have both had support, opportunity and options that I simply didn't have and never will have. I talked about this in a bit more detail in an ask response back in 2020.

Given where I came from and the background I had my achievements are practically miraculous, but they're also very modest. When I look at GG and DD I remind myself of that, and I am able to be more forgiving and accepting toward myself for my perceived shortcomings and limitations.

There are other self-acceptance aspects to this as well. For example, I have always had an attachment to plushies. It's something that I just can't explain and have always been very ashamed and embarrassed about. I always have a favored plushie and I can't get to sleep without one, ever since I was a very small child.

Seeing GG in his airport photos many years ago, he would always be carrying a plushie. He also often had plushies around him in the video diaries that he would post. That meant a lot to me, and helped me heal some of the embarrassment and shame I have had throughout my life.

There are other things like this, often little things that have made me feel like it's okay to do this or it's okay to be that way. Some bigger things as well.

How about DD and his blunt honesty? This is something that I have been maligned for throughout my life. When I was a little little kid, my mother used to warn people who came to the house, "Be careful, he says what he thinks!"

Throughout my life, especially considering that I have been different from other people in ways that I can't always hide or fly under the radar about, there has frequently been a pitchfork-wielding sort of mob attitude toward how I express myself. I have often been misunderstood, singled out and demonized for simply being an honest person.

I see that this happens a lot to DD as well. People, especially people who are negatively predisposed to him for one reason or another, frequently interpret him as rude, or disrespectful, or savage. It's heartbreaking, because he's such a deeply respectful, kind-hearted person.

I cannot possibly overstate how much I treasure this about him, his personality and the way he expresses himself. I have felt like a horrible person for so long, and watching him makes me see myself through another lens and realize that I'm not that horrible person I've been taught to think of myself as.

So yeah, there are some personal ways that watching them has led to self-acceptance that I never thought I would find.

Other artists

Being a fan of GG and DD has exposed me to a lot of artists actors, musicians, etc that I would never have otherwise learned about. Some of whom are a huge inspiration to me in their own right (Seungyoun, Zhou Shen and Ayunga immediately come to mind).

This has been a huge blessing to my life. I feel so grateful for all of the new artists and creators that I have discovered through my love of GG and DD.

Turtles

Of course I cannot fail to mention all of the ways in which turtles inspire me. They are such a fun, humorous, mostly humble and sweet group of people. So much incredible creativity and so many people who are full of love and enthusiasm. All of the great works of charity that are done in GG and DD's names as well. Their ingenuity and cleverness and wit. C-turtles especially can be truly brilliant and hilarious in ways that are often totally new to me.

And turtles have brought this fascinating language of clownery, fake rumors, detective work and insightfulness that I find so enjoyable to be a part of.

The dolls. Let's not forget the dolls. I never would have thought that I would be interested in dolls at this stage in my life, but I absolutely love all of the dolls and the little outfits and the fictional GGDD offspring, Zhanbi and Bobi, all of pairings of all of their drama characters... It is all just so much fun to be a part of.

Turtles and GGDD have also helped me to get through some of the most difficult times of my entire life. Through deaths of people close to me, through a freaking pandemic, through wars and disasters and climate change and political horrors, through some pretty deep personal lows. I feel so grateful to have had GG and DD and all of my friends and fellow turtles who have helped me survive all this darkness, and who have shared a lot of the brightest moments with me.

The bad (and grey)

Like I just said, as a ND person I tend to get immersed in special interests, and while this fandom and this blog have mostly been a positive way for me to do that, there has been a downside to it. I spend a lot of time with these topics - not just GG and DD but all the topics that have sparked my interest via this fandom: Chinese/Asian politics and queer rights, fandom topics, fan fiction, etc. etc. - and this exploration inevitably happens at the expense of some of my other goals and interests.

I used to spend a lot of time on creative projects, for example, but it's been ages since I've worked on any projects, and even longer since I've finished one. There is only so much time in a day, and every hour I spend with fandom interests is an hour I don't have for something else.

It has also at times negatively impacted my relationships, and I've been actively trying to prioritize them more, which means even more sacrifices of other things.

That's why sometimes you'll see me be very active here, and other times I will be much less active. It's why I can start posts but have a hard time finishing them (my drafts folder is shocking, trust me - you'd be genuinely shocked at how many lengthy posts, reviews, years old ask responses, etc. that are nearly finished but not ready to publish).

I'm not great at finding balance with things like this, and I struggle to keep organized and focused, especially when I have outside demands being made of me that conflict with some of my other interests.

Anyone who's read my blog knows that I can be preachy at times. I'm aware of that, and I actively try not to be so tedious.

But I'm also a bit preachy in my life outside fandom, toward people who say and believe ridiculous shit about China/Chinese people. There's so much Sinophobic propaganda hammered into everyone in the West, it's appalling. I have always been intolerant of any whiff of racism or xenophobia in myself and those around me, but since becoming a fan of GG and DD I've become somewhat of an unapologetic asshole about these things.

I just get so sick of hearing anti-China commentary, I have no patience for it at all. NO, I'm not by any stretch of the imagination a China cheerleader. I'm actually pretty brutally critical of China on many levels - particularly of the CCP - and I cringe when I hear naive people parrot CCP propaganda. But it's kind of alarming how uncritically people accept what they are told about people and situations they know nothing about.

And yeah, on some levels this is a really good thing. People should be challenged on their incorrect or harmful ideas. But overall it's added some friction and conflict to my life that wasn't there before.

It's also fucked up my sleep a lot. As an insomniac and as an autistic person I need a very consistent sleep schedule - ideally one that aligns with the sleep/wake schedule of those around me - or a lot of bad things will happen for me.

Insomnia tends to have a snowball effect in my life, and if I don't get enough sleep one night it's twice as hard to get sleep the next night, and so on and so on. That in turn has a big negative impact on my ability to handle stress and overstimulation, to focus, to stay organized, etc..

Being a fan of Chinese superstars has mercilessly fucked with this on a regular basis. It's pretty hard to stick to a healthy sleep schedule when I'm following events that are happening in a distant time zone. I've become a lot better with this lately, but again - that comes at a sacrifice. When I'm getting 8 hours of sleep a night instead of 3, those hours have to come from somewhere.

The ugly

I have become a target for hate in ways that are often really hard to avoid. This is somewhat inevitable. Anyone who puts themselves out there in any way - no matter how well-intended - will find themselves the target of hate and harassment from someone somewhere.

And it just so happens that there are some features of this fandom that make it a particularly compelling target for some people. The fact that it's a fandom, the fact that it involves queer topics, the fact that it involves real people, the fact that there are rivalries, the fact that it involves discussing ideas some people might find challenging or offensive. The fact that so much of it is a matter of opinion, and I am daring to express mine.

And being targeted is difficult for me. I grew up being viciously bullied throughout my life. People used to call me names, throw stuff at me, spread hateful lies about me, even physically attack me, right from childhood into adulthood. Being different - especially where I was from - was not acceptable, and I was different in so many visible ways.

So while I've gotten much better at handling this kind of thing (and that should really be added to the 'good' list above), it isn't without its harms. Closing my anonymous inbox has massively improved things, but haters will unfortunately always be a fixture as long as I continue in this fandom.

Another impact that falls in the 'ugly' category for me is the fact that I almost never read non-fandom content anymore. I used to voraciously read literature and a wide range of non-fiction books, at a very high volume. I rarely do anymore. When I read it's usually fan fiction or else something fandom-related. I feel this has rotted my brain a bit, let's be real.

However, as I said before, fan fiction and this fandom in general has enriched my life in a lot of positive ways, so it's not all bad. But it does bother me.

It's just the way my brain is wired - it has become much harder for me to get into things that aren't directly related to my interests. I also find that fan fiction feels safe and soothing - something that I often need as a trauma survivor, autistic/ADHD person, etc.

I have to regularly evaluate where I am with all of this, and make adjustments to ensure I've got time for IRL commitments, 'regular' reading/viewing topics, etc. and that balance is not always easy.

What about love?

This is what a lot of turtles talk about when it comes to GG and DD, and I suppose it does apply to me here. They've definitely had an impact on how I view romance, and my own relationship.

I guess I could say I've become more patient and less complacent. I look at our disagreements more affectionately as bickering, and don't read too much into them or let them fester. I take more notice of our compatibilities and accomplishments.

I've always been the sort of person who needs/expects independence in a relationship. A relationship is always made up of individuals. I believe that two people who foster each other's independence and individuality are going to thrive and maintain their interest/satisfaction with each other better than those who focus unduly on the 'relationship' as some sort of third party entity.

It inspires me when I see GG and DD doing what I perceive to be the same thing. They're out there taking their own paths and doing their own things, while supporting and appreciating each other and sharing all the ways in which they're compatible. That's what a truly healthy relationship looks like IMHO.

I've always been this way myself, but watching GG and DD makes me appreciate it more than I used to. It also makes me want to protect and preserve that aspect of myself and my relationship, because I can see how important it is to a truly companionable, loving connection.

I think of DD saying, "Miss me later" and I laugh, because that's exactly how I am (yet according to GG he's 'more clingy than Jianguo' 😅). I think it's possible to go out in the world and live your life as an individual, while sharing a private internal world with someone you love. To me that's the ideal.

Some of the best for last

One of the biggest and best impacts GG and DD have had on me has come through their creative works. I can't overstate how much I love and appreciate the work they do. Especially their music, and for DD, his dance (although their acting projects have also been great to watch and follow).

It's often a source of frustration for me that the projects that have impacted me the most are the ones that I struggle to write about on my blog. With the exception of Stand Up and some other bits and pieces here and there, I don't think I've ever been able to fully articulate my feelings about the projects that have touched me the most.

I have a huge long post still in my drafts about Like the Sunshine. That is a song and dance performance that can't even re-watch or re-listen to because it hits me so hard. The song came out years ago and I still haven't finished that post.

Similarly, Hidden Blade was so inspiring to me in how DD tackled that role and really brought his character to life. I was completely blown away by that performance.

WM hit me like a freight train, and I really want and intend to write a full and thorough review of the entire album and all of the video content (and the physical album if/when it ever arrives), but I haven't been able to even make a proper start.

I also have so many feelings and thoughts about the career choices they have been making, especially DD, who I could not be prouder of. I have written a bit about some of that, but I haven't even hit the tip of the iceberg of how much it all inspires me.

All I can say is, I'm here because I get something very important out of following them and out of sharing my thoughts and feelings about them. They both mean a hell of a lot to me, and I have a lot of fun and learn a lot of new things and see a lot of new perspectives that inspire me through being a fan of theirs.

I also just really appreciate all of you who read and engage with my blog, and who interact with me - whether to challenge me or praise me, either is fine. I just really value that a lot. I feel inspired by the ideas people share with me and by the opportunity to (hopefully) contribute in some way to a positive fandom experience for others.

And I have a few very close friends here who mean the world to me. I truly treasure all of them.

I could go on and on. This is a question that sparks a lot of thoughts and feelings.

I know this has gotten very long-winded, and I will understand if 90% of you have not gotten far enough to read this sentence, but to all of you (whether you got this far or not), thanks so much.

May we all continue to enjoy everything that GG and DD have brought into our lives, and all the ways that they have brought us together. 💛.

I would love it if my readers could share some of the ways that GG and DD and turtles have inspired you. I'd love to hear some of your stories!

There is a somewhat related post about how I deal with people's reactions IRL to my interest in fandom, which you can find here.

[vi-gilante-1010]

I wish people could be normal about Jayce's relationships. Every time I see someone putting Mel down for the sake of bolstering Jayvik or vice versa I die a little. Jayce's romantic relationship with Mel and his platonic one with Viktor are both immensely important to his character, and both push him to try and be better and more responsible. One should not be put over the other imo. And the people behind Arcane only fueling that divide makes me so fucking angry.

Mel is the love of Jayce's life. She saw him for his genius mind and desire to help others, and she admired it. She's the one who pushed him to new levels on innovation, who consistently had his back with the council, and who supported him through his work. She made him a household name. She made him hers, and he returned every ounce of that. He saw her for all her cleverness and careful precision and fell in love with her for it. Love is an investment and a commitment, and it's one they both chose with each other. They were together Piltover's salvation, and both left it with each other in their hearts. Their final scene together is one of forgiveness and understanding.

Viktor is Jayce's inspiration. He's the one who found him at his lowest and became his support. That support was mutual; his dream became their dream. Their bond was inextricably linked to their work, which was both their souls' passions. Viktor made him more open, more compassionate. He destroyed himself trying to attain worthiness, perfection even, and Jayce saved him from his own self-destruction because they understood each other in a way unbound to a label, bound instead by mutual belief in the potential of the Arcane and each other.

I can understand being disappointed that your fav ship was snubbed in comparison to the other popular ones from LoL, or being angry at the antiblackness that's admittedly very present in this fandom, but watching people go out of their way to attack the "opposing love interest" as being weaker or worse always feels weird. Racist, sometimes. Aphobic, others. They're both important people to Jayce and shouldn't even be treated as each others' competition, because there's no competition to be had in the first place. But that's just my two cents

[windandglory]

On Urara's evil cycle (is he a weirdo?)

It was a brief moment. Pretty easy to overlook. The rush of having just done something to gain the respect of Leviathan Leiji caused Urara to slip into an evil cycle. A natural evil cycle, given how quickly it went away.

We see Urara's eyes here, while he's still stuck in the water bubble. They look normal.

(For reference, these are definitively normal Urara eyes.)

I believe it begins here, after the worst of the danger has passed and he's getting more personalized attention from Leiji (baby gay! love it for him). The "water" at the bottom of his eyes has started to pool.

On this page, Urara's eyes are, likely intentionally, hidden except for panel 1 (the second-to-last panel is a flashback). It's not clear, and his eyes aren't drawn in detail, but you can still see the sort of wave pattern rather than the usual downward curve.

And here. The scene of the crime. We see his eyes in detail. there are bubbles in it, and it looks like pooling water. It's themed, kind of like his sister's. In fact, the pattern of it kind of looks like Clara's but inverted. I don't think it's a coincidence that these two mini-arcs were set up right beside each other.

Anyway, after Leiji chastizes Urara, the "water" seems to literally drain from his eyes. It's odd that this snapped him out of this evil cycle, given that our resident returned-to-origins demon seems to enjoy being scolded lots, and it's happiness and stress relief (see:akudols) said to keep demons out of their evil cycle, but whatever works for Urara, I suppose.

The next time we see Urara's eyes, they're back to normal entirely. The dark shading at the bottom of his eyes curves downwards, and he doesn't get that look on his face again.

However, I don't think he's out of the red yet. We see those bubbles come back here, when Leiji tells him to watch:

(again, it's Leiji! Urara really idolizes this jerk)

And here, when Urara goes on about how cool Leiji is:

And here, when Urara gets promoted (and poked in the ribs by Leiji):

And here, again when Leiji's addressing him directly:

It's important to note that Urara's eyes look somewhat like this earlier, after Leiji touches him for the first time:

As a counterpoint to everything I just said, the netherworld’s premier expert on evil cycles is present and never comments on it. The simplest explanation is that this is just a stylistic choice and Urara never entered an evil cycle at all. As for me, I think there might be multiple stages of an evil cycle. The stress may not have overwhelmed Urara, and Balam knows to worry more about behavior than the appearance of the eyes. Urara is responding to his demonic instincts as a reaction to stress but his rational thought is not impaired, something that may be a sign of a possible impending evil cycle without any urgency, which is why Balam didn’t bother to mention it as it reverts within a matter of minutes.

So: evil cycle or just a childhood crush? Or both? Honestly, I don't know.

The depiction of evil cycles has been a bit inconsistent. At the beginning of the manga, it sounded like demons just went through PMS every so often. Feels like an evil cycle sometimes, honestly.

Nowadays, it’s depicted more akin to a psychotic break. A demon’s body is stressed, either from negative stress or excitement, and an evil cycle is the culmination and in some cases release of that stress. Their view of the world is changed (see:Iruma in his artificial evil cycle suddenly finding the situation the abnormal class is in unfair) and previously present morals fall by the wayside (see:Clara finding trapping her best friends in a pocket dimension forever, draining their mana constantly, to be an entirely okay thing to do). Sometimes a demon in an evil cycle just needs to vent their stress (Asmodeus,), sometimes they need to get rid of the primary stressor (Clara). However, like a psychotic break, the evil cycle itself is not a release of stress. The end of one is. Balam says that a (triggered) evil cycle puts a lot of strain on a demon’s body. I think this is why Kirio is so frail. The strain of consuming mana only counts for his exhaustion after using his barrier. Since he’s essentially in a constant evil cycle, his body is always in a constant state of activation. It’s not sustainable.

Most demons seem to go through an evil cycle just once or twice before they find a sustainable way to prevent it, or perhaps not at all. A bunch of demons going into an evil cycle at Levialon is a big deal rather than a natural coincidence. The entirety of demonic culture makes room for ways for demons to have outlets for stress to prevent evil cycles, as if it's some big societal problem. A demon that's returned to origins, basically one in a constant evil cycle, is something dangerous that just doesn't happen anymore, even though evil cycles seem to. Some demons, especially those with high mana and strong personalities (Asmodeus, Clara) get violent or otherwise hostile while in their evil cycle. Iruma at the point where he went into his simulated evil cycle had no strong personality but had access to a LOT of mana, and he just became a more confident, productive person. Though, they seem to have been making evil cycles a more important part of the story, so I'm excited to see what direction they take it in! PMS or psychotic break, we will see!

[reggieswriter]

Summertime Sadness

A/N : For my friends who struggle throughout this time of year and trust me enough to share those fears. Your fears and struggles are valid.

Word Count : IDK if you count it hit me up (I've been informed it's 1k words 💜)

It's summertime.

It's that time of year to break out the shorts and t-shirts. The pretty flowy dresses and the skimpy swimsuits. It's hot and an excuse to wear the least amount of clothing as possible.

But you can't do that, can you?

You're not like other girls or guys. Not in a "Oh my gosh! I'm just so sad! Seasonal depression core!!!" Or a "I'm just so small, my clothes barely fit me!" way, but in a you can't wear short sleeves or shorts because of the scars and burns that litter your soft skin. They cover your arms and legs and even your stomach.

In the winter they barely show. They're hidden under the layers and layers of clothing you've piled on top of yourself. You've hidden the parts of yourself that people think are scary or something to be ashamed of.

I'll let you know now that those people have those same scars. It may not show physically, but they're there. You may not be able to see their scars, but they're there. Those who are brave enough to show their scars physically are the people who are brave enough to show their lives unconditionally.

This summer season may be hard because you have to show or struggle to hide your scars, but remember your scars are the only ones there to show you made it out alive.

It's summertime.

It's that time of year where temperatures rise and clothes shorten. People tend to say summer is hell because of the steady rising temperatures. This is ironic considering that the lowest circle of hell is described and depicted as freezing temperatures with sinners bodies frozen solid inside the ice with random body parts sticking out of the river of ice. These specific sinners are placed in the river of ice for their betrayals against something or someone. The ice represents the cold-heartedness they had shown to others.

The people who say summer is hell are not the same as you. They say summer is hell due to the fact of the temperatures rising and the temptations growing. You say summer is hell because it's the time of year that counting calories is most important. To you, of course. Because at the end of the day you can cover every piece of your body, but you can't cover the insecurities and you can't cover the slight stomach bulge you get when your shirt gets wet and sticks to your clothes. In all honesty, it's not your stomach bulging. It's your uterus or your ribs. But your mind decides to take the self deprivation route and tell you that you're too fat and that covering up is the best idea. The mind is a powerful place. You're not ugly. You're unhealthy. Everyone is trying to cover up something. Whether it be their scars or the lies they tell themselves at night to feel better. They all are hiding something. No one cares for your stomach more than yourself.

It's summertime.

It's time for summer shopping. Typically your parents take you to outlet malls or drive to different stores to get what you need. Everyone struggles at the next step. Finding clothes that fit. The beauty standard changes day to day just like the sizing. The dressing rooms get smaller and tighter. Everyone struggles. Even the girls who you think must have it easy because they're skinnier than you. They search hours upon hours praying they could get just a tiny bit bigger to fit in that skirt or bikini top. The same goes for you though. You search up and down to find a piece of clothing that fits you in a way that covers everything while also not being a men's XL. It's not either of y'all's fault. You're both at opposing ends. Fighting a constant battle. But remember. Just because you're fighting different ends of a war does not mean you both are against each other. It's you both against the problem. Not you both against each other. And at the end of the day. You're both beautiful. You just can't see it yet.

It's summertime.

That time of year that school finally lets out. You're free of long hours and testing. You've finished another school year or another long year of working and finally it feels a little worth it. You'll hang out with your friends everyday or you won't. You and your friends spoke all the time at school, but they never did text you besides that, did they? They didn't invite you to hangout on the weekends or plan anything. Or maybe they did and they didn't invite you. Why would they invite you during summer if they didn't invite you during other points of the year? You need to get used to your own presence. Not everyone is going to like you. Not everyone is going to remember you. The only person who's actually there with you in your presence 24/7 is you. So, who cares if you never get called or invited to hang out. Find comfort in the silence. I don't mean to grow comfortable in loneliness. Loneliness kills. Find comfort in silence. Find comfort in going to the library by yourself. Once you find that. You'll understand just how much you're worth.

It's summertime.

Count your calories, hide your scars, beg for friends, and pretend everything is okay. School is an escape from home, but school is no longer an option. You've been kicked out of your shelter and now you have to survive on your own. You're alone in your struggles and now the people closest to you have the greatest chance at finding out all of your secrets. The sound of you retching in the bathroom echoes throughout your family home, the blood and burnt skin begins to fill the air with a metallic and burnt smell. It stains your hands and bedsheets. Did you forget your mother still cleans those?

All of your secrets are at their most vulnerable.

After all, it's summertime.

TAGLIST: @jessherrin @n1xxi3 @ethan-is-sleepy @a-chance-of-raine @abs0l3m @sweetest-thing-in-hell @finnfinland

[butterrdream]

“I’m scared… I don’t want to die..!” “It’s okay… You won’t be alone.” “But if I do you—“ “It’s okay.” “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!”  “It’s okay. It’s going to be okay. I promise…”

Base Source: yusa_font

I really tried to get myself to finish this but it just was not turning out how I wanted it at all so... take this as it is q^q One day maybe I'll come back to finish it up

[tangents-within-tangents]

Would that there was a faithful, accurate adaptation of Dracula so that Jonathan Decker and Alan Seawright could discuss the nontoxic masculinity, healthy friendships, and the BEST MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP IN FICTIONAL HISTORY but nooo!

[every-sanji]

[amidnightqueery]

I don't hate my job or anything, but man, being a float educator is so fucking thankless

[medilies]

Do you ever watch s3 and s4 and realise you're not enjoying it that much

[incesthemes]

hey girlie it’s me, sam winchesters gay lover, your mootie 🥰🥰🥰 i just wanted to let you know, that your tags on the post about that wincest video are based and i agree with every word, hashtag slay couldn’t agree more i loved reading your essay in those tags heart ❤️

omg thank you!!! i'm basically only capable of talking in essays whether people want me to or not, unfortunately

i just have a lot of feelings on this topic and the whole "canon or not canon" argument is weird to me; the themes are pretty darn clear in supernatural (it is NOT known for its subtlety) so idk man. they don't have to kiss to be canon. and they don't have to have a romantic relationship to be canon either. how many times do they get into relationships with other people only for it to be treated as cheating/betrayal/abandonment, only for them have to give up that relationship in order to reaffirm their devotion to their brother

that's just what the text says. i'm not under any kind of delusion that they have some secret sexual or romantic relationship, but that doesn't change that sam and dean are each other's most important person regardless of that. which is really awesome imo, that romance isn't treated as more important than whatever horrible thing they have with each other, and that they don't have to consummate their relationship with romance/sex in order for it to be the most important one they have

(and of course there's romantic/sexual subtext, like parallels and metaphors and misunderstandings and jokes, but to me that just provides a solid foundation for presenting this relationship between them as the most important even though it's not romantic or sexual—because this language of romance is the only one we know, really, when it comes to writing important relationships between characters. it's the only one we know in our own personal lives, to a large extent. so you use the romance/sexuality to symbolize the actual bond they have. which is so much worse lmao)

anyway i think spn is fairly unique in this way because of how no other relationships can really ever stand parallel to the one they share; even in other shows that center male friendship, romance is allowed to coexist with brotherhood. for sam and dean, it's not, and that becomes a point of tension and conflict and resolution many, many times over the course of the show. so like yeah!!! just because it's not romantic or sexual doesn't mean it's not canon, in the sense that their relationship is the point of the show, and it is the most important relationship they have. they chose each other above all else, every single time. yknow, it's "the epic love story of sam and dean" and all that

[tildeath-douspart]

I wonder if they think of me

[skrunksthatwunk]

kazumaji fans where do we think they fall on this graph im conflicted

bc like. sometimes it's actually agonizing how blatant they are while still never being allowed to be together (i.e majima everywhere system. oh m.y fucking god dude) but sometimes it's more subtle though still Really Gay i.e. yakuza 3 and the fucking. movie. do we feel it's insulting or peak or smth else

[cygnusposts]

i think it's really funny when people try to assign batfam characters their own colors or whatever but refuse to use duplicates. could not be me. the inherent tragedy in using red for both jason and tim is something i will never get over