#feel similarly and really strongly about them as well

[tildeath-douspart]

I wonder if they think of me

[dxxtruction]

Louis does see Armand for all his flaws, and yet still chooses him, and loves him, but when he sees them for what they really were, and really entailed, he no longer can. Oh, gradations of evil. Louis had in ways bought into it.

[ambrosiagourmet]

I want to talk about why I think this is the one of the most important Falin panels:

So, Falin is really nice, right? It's one of the first things we really learn about her. She's kind even to the monsters of the dungeon - choosing to ward the party rather than fight spirits and cause them needless harm.

In the above early flashback in chapter 11, we see Marcille fawning over Falin's kindness, calling her an angel. Namari calls her soft-hearted. We see Falin choose not to fight even when a zombie attacks - instead she resolves the confrontation with a hug. After the flashback, the first thing Senshi says is that Falin "sounds like quite the person," which Marcille strongly affirms.

At this point in the story, all we have seen of Falin are these impressions; she is a healer, an angel, a caretaker with an infinite well of kindness towards everyone she meets - both friend and foe.

And honestly, that remains most of what we have to go by to understand her. The only times we get to see Falin on the page, alive and just herself, are in the opening and closing pages of the story and in the brief period of time after she is resurrected.

Nonetheless, we do have some more details to work with. For one, there is the scene that The Panel is from - a short memory in chapter 75, when Marcille flashes back to while she's dying. In that scene, Falin prepares to teleport them all out, and says that she's sorry "if there is a person at [their] destination." And that's when we get The Panel.

If you teleport someone or something into another person, the person teleported into is likely to be, at minimum, severely injured. They could die.

We can see a lovely little horrifying example of exactly why in one of the Daydream Hour doodles:

So, hmm. That's not... that's not SUPER nice. Certainly not displaying the same "kindness to all, friend and foe included" we saw represented earlier. On a basic level, this adds some nuance to Falin's kindness. We see it break a little, when pushed to the limit. We see her chose to protect the people she loves above all else.

Which makes sense! As Laios says when the Winged Lion accuses him of similarly being motivated more by his friends' safety than everyone else in the dungeon, "...most people, aside from virtuous do-gooders, would feel the same way."

So, we can take The Panel as simply showing a moment of weakness for Falin. A time when she was pushed to her limits, and that "most people" selfish side of her shone through.

However... I think there's a little more going on with Falin than just her being an angel 99% of the time, except just that once. I love The Panel because I think it helps us understand that Falin isn't just motivated by kindness - she also has a desire to avoid seeing people in pain.

Isn't that the same thing?

No, no it very much is not.

Let's look at a short comic from the Falin section of the Adventurer's Bible, because I think it illustrates this point perfectly. The group is complaining about how much Marcille's healing hurts, and comparing it to Falin's, which "doesn't hurt a bit." Marcille retorts with the following:

Now, the punchline of this comic is that, despite Marcille's sentimental assertion that she's "thinking of [them]" by letting her healing magic hurt, they all still prefer to be healed by Falin.

But hey, this wouldn't be the first time that Dungeon Meshi hides a very real character beat or insight in a gag, so let's think about this somewhat seriously.

If Marcille is right (and she knows a fair bit about magic, so we can assume that she has at least somewhat of a point), then what Falin is doing isn't kind. I suppose if someone specifically requested to not feel the pain, it could be kind, but that's not really what happened here. She is the one who felt badly about the others being in pain, and she is the one who decided, without telling them or giving them a choice in the matter, to take away that pain.

Both Marcille and Falin are healing the party, but Marcille is doing it in a way that accomplishes the task in the most straight forward way, without any additional interference. Falin is going out of her way to perform the healing in a way she is more comfortable with. A way that avoids pain.

Going back the The Panel, I don't think its a coincidence that the only time we see Falin (well, non-chimera Falin) willing to do something that could hurt someone is when any potential pain will be far away from her. If she got someone hurt or killed by teleporting the party to the surface? Not only would it be far out of her sight, but she'd be dead before she had to deal with any consequences of that action.

Falin is not a confrontational person. She doesn't push when Marcille won't tell her the truth about the resurrection, and she comforts Laios about her own death - both of those things happening in the only full chapter she is alive and conscious in the whole story.

We also know that she considered accepting Shuro's proposal, despite not having any special feelings towards him, and that Falin never explained to Marcille that she wanted them to share a meal together. When she brought Marcille various foods at the academy, she just accepted Marcille's confused rejection and gave up.

And lastly, we know that she is still in contact with her parents, despite the neglect and abuse she suffered at their hands. Although the way someone chooses to handle contact with abusive or bad family is a complicated topic, which I don't want to overly simplify, I do I think this fact gets at the heart of how she handles conflict.

So many people that Falin loves have hurt her. There are understandable hurts, like Laios leaving the village, or Marcille not understanding the food. And there are bigger, far less justifiable hurts - like her parents neglecting her throughout her childhood, and sending her away to be alone at the magic academy.

It doesn't seem like Falin has ever confronted any of it directly.

And the unhealthy aspects of this kind of avoidance of pain and confrontation is one of the things that the story of Dungeon Meshi is all about. We see Laios grapple with it before he goes to kill Falin, and we see Marcille acknowledge it at the end of the story, when she tells Laios that she has come to terms with Falin's death:

Eating is a part of life. Consuming other living things is a part of life. It isn't really possible to avoid that pain - you can only hide from the truth of it. You have to be selfish everyday. You have to eat - to choose to live. To choose to take up space.

And this is something Falin embraces, too. She comes back to life, after all.

We see her choose to come back to life.

And how does she make that choice? She eats. She consumes, and then she is asked a question by the manifestation of hunger itself:

Do you want to eat more?

There is a double meaning in the Winged Lion's final words on the next page.

When I first read this, I took it as him saying: life is cruel. You will suffer. You will feel more pain.

But perhaps, especially for Falin, this also means: you are choosing a path where you must cause pain. Where you must consume. Where you must take, and must be selfish. Because eating is the special privilege of the living, and it is their burden, too. In order to stay alive, she will need to keep eating.

And she chooses that. Chooses to be selfish. It's why her resurrection scene is so important, and it's why The Panel is so important. Because Falin coming back isn't the ultimate reward for all of the party's hard work.

It's her choice. Just like it was her choice that started everything in the first place. But this time, she doesn't choose to accept causing pain for the sake of Marcille and Laios. She does it for her own sake.

[filurig]

a new little spingle... info about him under the cut

a disciple of glaris in sartrill's priesthood, despite his holy position - isn't too enthusiastic about it. truthfully, he was forced into his current study by his parents as he was born as a "curlwing". "curlwings" in sartrillan culture are considered the closest to "true" children of glaris, having been born with her "blessing" of flightlessness and therefore are believed to be more strongly attuned to her, so the natural course for any young curlwing is to enter priesthood training at an early age. despite that, however, karu never excelled in his priestly studies - not that he was necessarily bad or couldn't carry out the duties he were assigned, but his superiors keep worrying that he doesn't put enough heart in it, so he has never really risen considerably in the ranks of the priesthood.

somewhat lethargic, karu accepted his "fate" - while he has faith, he also longs for being able to have his own life as life in the priesthood is relatively restricted to the holy grounds and the districts in sartill closest to it. there is a small, adventurous spirit inside of him that wishes to see more of the world, having never left sartrill in his entire life, but at this point he's sort of given up on it. he is somewhat ruled over by his fear of sticking out and not conforming and betraying the expectations of the priesthood, his family and Glaris herself.

karu can come off as quite cold and tired as he feels sort of detached from the people and circumstances around him. when brought out of his shell, however, he brightens up considerably - but can be a bit cynical still. he isn't actually as serious as he comes across as, and actually enjoys being around people who don't take things too seriously either. he tries to self-correct though and therefore that part of him is rarely seen by anyone. because of his alienation from other harpies, partly due to his upbringing and role, he's a bit socially inept, but has learned to deal with that by hiding behind his stoic and unconcerned facade. a bit of a double edged sword because it only reinforces the idea people have of him around him as this "serious, no-fun wholly dedicated priest disciple who doesn't want to mingle with the commoners"

while he wishes he had more freedom to do stuff, karu does enjoy some parts of his priestly duties - most especially the craftsmanship he gets to engage in. sartrillan priests will actually be responsible for most of the settlement's craftsmanship especially ones concerning fabric and clothing, but also other crafts (former are just the biggest categories)

flightlessness is relevant in some satrtillan mythology and in the biggest story (the one involving glaris) is a noteworthy sacrifice some crakam made to grant them the ability to hide from humans using illusory magic. that ofc creates a sort of weird relationship with crakam society and crakam born with flightless conditions. in sartrill its especially pronounced as glaris is the settlement's "patron deity" and while care is taken to accomodate to the flightless, there is also a social schism between them and other crakam bcs of their connotations and also the fact that most flightless crakam are "strongly encouraged" and often forced to live in the priesthood.

craftsmanship is strongly associated with holiness/the priesthood in sartrill because the body alterations flighted harpies undergo to render themselves flightless permanently actually increases arm flexibility a little, and historically being unable to fly it was a natural direction for many priests to head in to contribute to the community which might be why it became such a strong practice

there are several different conditions that can make a harpy not be flighted - curlfeather is one of them. any condition which does such is treated similarly - it doesn't really matter which, but curlfeather is probably the most common/well known one.

[intuitive-revelations]

Jumbled thoughts and theories on belief and metaphysical engines, the Nexus, and fate of the Web of Time...

"Do all those gods seriously exist (not just as alien fakes) in the DW universe? How did the Doctor supposedly meet them?"

Keep in mind, belief making something real is hardly a new theme for DW. The most obvious example for this would be belief in the Doctor being able to empower him in The Last of the Time Lords.

We also know that every story has a place in reality, with the Land of Fiction, not to mention the Doctor's own statement in The Gallifrey Chronicles:

"My dear, one of the things you'll learn is that it's all real. Every word of every novel is real, every frame of every movie, every panel of every comic strip."

But I hear you. Suppose, for example, we want a more concrete example of this applied to religion:

Look no further than the series I've long batted for: Class.

In "The Metaphysical Engine, or What Quill Did", Quill, Ballon and Dorothea literally travel into several afterlife realms using something called "the reliquary", or a "metaphysical engine".

DOROTHEA: This, as best we can tell, is a 'metaphysical engine'. QUILL: Metaphysics? Metaphysics aren't real. It's just thought. DOROTHEA: Everything in the universe is conserved. Everything. Even belief. Get millions of creatures believing something strongly enough for long enough and even space responds.

Quill even gets to meet (and fight) the goddess of her own people:

"Ok, so there is a device that can take you into a theoretical space where beliefs are real, you haven't answered how the Doctor is going about meeting these gods."

Is now a good time to mention that the metaphysical engine is bigger on the inside?

"Yeah, but so are a lot of things, even the Barber's ship..."

Except, there really is more here. Because the TARDIS itself is a metaphysical engine. Canonically. Explicitly.

In the First Doctor Short Trip "Every Day", the TARDIS actually ends up seemingly landing in a man's head, as he struggles to come to terms with his wife having an affair, which manifests as a time loop. Once it's broken, they suddenly find themselves far gone from the loop:

"What happened?" asked Ian, looking around in shock. One minute they had been in the house, the next they were on their way. "I don't know for sure," said the Doctor. "But my TARDIS, you see, is a metaphysical engine. It can travel through all the dimensions related to space and time. It's possible that, on this occasion, we entered the dimension of one man's mind. One man's imagination."

Other stories have similarly seen the TARDIS breach into metaphysical space, even at one point physically landing in the Doctor's own mind in the VNAs.

Some of the Doctor's other meetings with legendary, mythical, or fictional characters (even on-screen: the Devil, Robin Hood, Santa Claus etc.) start to also make a bit more sense, don't they?

This all perhaps also shouldn't feel that incongruous, considering we had the Doctor literally end-up in Bethlehem in time for the birth of Christ just this Christmas (even if that one wasn't itself by the TARDIS).

This, perhaps, also sheds light on how the Barber's plan really was going to work.

I mentioned in my live reaction that the "World Wide Web / Nexus" strongly resembled the idea of the Web of Time (with "signals" even being transmitted through it in a way resembling the Matrix). Well the Web of Time, in expanded universe lore, is partially constructed through something called the "Observer Effect", in which temporal probabilities become fixed in history, named after the real-life effect in quantum physics. Through this, history becomes fixed by those that perceive it - designed to enforce Time Lord dominance over history.

For an in-show example, think of the laws of fixed points established by The Angels Take Manhattan: if you read your own future, you fix it into being. This is one reason why the Time Lords ostensibly forbid Time Lords from interacting with one's own past or future, despite the many times we've seen this violated.

I'd make an argument that the Nexus, if it's not literally connected to the Web of Time in some way, effectively serves a similar purpose. Just as observers can shape history, the Nexus allows believers to shape reality, via the effect Dorothea mentioned previously. By controlling it, the gods secure their own existence, just as controlling the Web of Time secures that of the Time Lords. If it is destroyed, those stories are lost, just as history as we know it is transformed by the degradation of the Web of Time.

This may sound like a lot of fanwank, but I have a suspicion that this kind of thinking with regards to the Web of Time is good to keep in mind over the next few episodes.

I theorised after Episode 1 that the TARDIS trying to "pull" itself back to Earth via the Web of Time is what resulted in those various landmarks somehow ending up pulled into the middle of space between MissBelindaChandra-1 and the Earth. That these represented sort-of "node points" in the Earth's history as represented in the Web, and by continuing to pull when it couldn't arrive, the TARDIS had actually pulled them towards it, rather than the other way round.

One episode on, and we get the "vindicators", devices designed to do exactly what I just said!

DOCTOR: We land anywhere, and the vindicator casts out a signal, like a fishing line - whoosh! - to May 24th, 2025, and we use it to pull the TARDIS in like a hook. So we must land.

ANOTHER episode later, and it's revealed that Mrs. Flood (hey remember she said she literally wanted to seize God's kingdom?) actually wants the Doctor to be using the vindicators? We also discover, even more concerningly, that Earth's future history, despite its significance to the universe, has been completely erased.

Next week in Episode 4, we get a relatively grounded episode, that ends with someone "rejecting the Doctor's reality", who is then seemingly recruited by Flood.

Finally, this week, we get this: a story of someone determined to control / tear down a Web stretched over time and space.

Put all this together with the ongoing decline in Rassilon's established laws of rationality, which started after the devastation of Gallifrey in Series 12 and the creation of the Flux, but accelerated after the Doctor fell to the point of using superstition outside the bounds of the Time Lord noosphere in Wild Blue Yonder, and what we know about the final two episodes, including episode titles (which I won't repeat here for spoilers), and it quickly starts to seem like Mrs. Flood might be planning to tear apart the Web of Time.

This may admittedly seem like a bit too much for casual viewers, but the vindicator element at least I'm feeling pretty confident with. If this WILL actually connect to the Web of Time, we'll see, but today's episode didn't exactly dissuade me...

[mochinomnoms]

Random thing, but between the boys who want to have children in the future who do you think are more open to have adopted children?

The question just came to me when randomly the thought "wait, what if Yuu doesn't want to get pregnant in the future?" came to mind

Ideally, none of them would mind. If it's what you want, then they are more than happy to provide! If we wanted to be a bit more realistic, there are a few where adopting might be an issue.

(I had to go through my brain again to remember who I think wouldn't have kids cause I couldn't find my post, but Leona, Ace, Jamil, and Idia wouldn't want kids so they aren't here. I can't remember if I had more or not on the list)

Kalim and Malleus are the first two where it would be an issue. Quite frankly, the people around them wouldn't allow it. The Asim family gives me the vibe of those who prioritize blood relations as family (if the 30+ kids didn't help with that already). Unless the kid was adopted as an infant and looked very similar to you or Kalim so that plausible deniability was possible, they couldn't risk it. Kalim is often dealing with death threats and assassination attempts just so the next member of the family can be the heir, if extended family were to find out that your kids (and thus next heir) wasn't blood related to Kalim, then there could probably be some legal issues with inheritance. Malleus, similarly, is under a tight leash with the Briar Valley's council that Lilia has been struggling to remove. I haven't seen much of Chp 7 so I'm working with very limited information mind you, but from what I can tell they are very traditional and extremely concerned with maintaining the Draconia (and the draconian part) bloodline strong. I feel that adoption to them would be out of the question with no hesitation. Neither of them I think would feel very strongly against it though: Kalim would see it as an opportunity to grow your happy family and Malleus I think would actually strongly relate, as he himself is an orphan. He'd see it as an opportunity to take after Lilia and give the love and care to a child that more than deserves it. If they really are set with adoption with you, then Malleus would have no trouble setting his foot down, he is the rightful ruler of Briar Valley and if he says that's his kid and heir, then that's his motherfucking kid bitch! Kalim I think would require that he's not only grown a sturdy backbone as an adult, but also a very ironclad will and testament. But it's not impossible, just very very difficult.

The next ones that would have some concerns about it would be Riddle, Sebek, and Ruggie. Riddle's case is a bit similar to Kalim's but not really. It's more so whether is family (specifically his mother) would accept his child being adopted. I think the fear of his kid being alienated from the family would be a lot for him, and I can't really gauge if I this Mrs. Rosehearts would be opposed to it or not, as well as whether Riddle remains in contact with her as an adult and still values her opinion as well. I think it would depend on the circumstances, sadly enough: if you were unable to have biological kids for whatever reason or if you could but would be extremely risk on your health, as a doctor I think she would understand. Sebek though I think would struggle internally a lot, he's not opposed to the idea of adoption at all, but he's so attached to his family name and his fae blood. I think knowing that he has a child that might not be accepted as a true Zigvolt for not being blood related (and potentially a human) would eat him up. He already had to deal with that himself (externally and internally, I'm not sure). But he's also been around Lilia a lot, and I think some positive reinforcement and encouragement from him would help a lot. Ruggie is very simple, adoption is so fucking expensive, man. That's a lot of fucking money, so he's willing to wait as long as needed to save up.

The rest of the cast I think wouldn't have any qualms about it, as there's no history or trauma that I think would affect their decision. I think Trey, Deuce, Azul, Jade, Jack, Rook, and Silver are the most eager to have a family, while Cater, Vil, Epel and Lila are okay not having any if you don't want any either. I think Floyd would greatly depend, as much as I love him, massive mood swings are not great for raising children so he'd need a lot of maturing to do, if he even wants kids (he keeps changing his mind about it, some days he's in love with the idea, other days he's pretty indifferent) but he wouldn't mind having kids with you. Silver would obviously love the idea, he's had a great experience and father, he'd want to pass that experience along to his own kid. So if adopting is an option, then why not! If it's what you want (and they think raising a baby with you is something they'd like to do) then who are they to oppose? They'll love that kid from the moment their eyes meet, as much as they love you!

[azaharinflames]

I didn’t start my day planning on being mean, but a certain portion of this fandom decided that they couldn’t keep Lou’s name out of their mouths so now I have thoughts.

We have RG brought on as a main, but frankly Eddie as a character has never gone anywhere. I was never much of an RG fan even before the unsavory things he said, but from what I have read, he hasn’t seemed to have brought much to the role beyond what was in the script. And yes, I get that he’s not a writer or the show runner, but Tim has shown himself to be amenable to good suggestions from the actors (which is why JLH ended up with Chim instead of Eddie, a decision from which his character never recovered).

Then you have the string of unsuccessful (potential) love interests who were all recurring. Similarly, I get that as a recurring you have even less agency than as a main and that’s even worse if you are a woman. All the same, the actors who played Ana, Taylor, Marisol, Lucy, and  death doula whose name alludes me but I’m too lazy to look up, brought NOTHING to the role outside of what was on the page. Granted, these characters were all written in way that made them doomed to fail, but if any one of them had brought something to the table to endear them to the GA and make the narrative work, they would have lasted/had the potential to be endgame level love interests. But it was early in the show’s run you say. Big deal. There are plenty of examples in television where a character was brought in for a handful of episodes early on and they either were kept (or else brought back) as a significant cast member.

And then there’s Lou. Looking back at the season 7 interviews, there is a clear gap between how Tim originally envisioned Tommy compared to Lou’s head canon. Tim saw a happy go lucky starter relationship guy with a hot and heavy make out session in 7x4. Tommy saw a protective guy with layers and past trauma who would deliver a tender 7x4 first kiss. Tim may get some things wrong, but he’s not such an egomaniac that he would go with the worse idea just because it was his. We will never know, but I don’t think Tim committed to making Tommy a significant/possible endgame LI until late season 7 or even while writing 8a. If Lou had done what RG or any of the actors who played Buck/Eddie’s past LI had done, i.e., read the script as is and contributed NOTHING, then Tommy would have been long gone. All this is to say that complaining about Lou having thoughts about his non-main character is tantamount to complaining that the man showed up and did his damned job to the best of his ability. The fact that he has clearly done so much work despite being really good looking in an industry that strongly favors attractiveness gives him extra points my book. Instead of hating on him, maybe they should be asking themselves why their guy didn’t do the same. 

I think you make an excellent point, Nonnie, and I love the way you put it.

At the end of the day, a big reason why we all love Tommy (and Bucktommy) as much as we do has to do with Lou (and with Oliver as well, when talking about the couple). Because Lou took the time and care to create Tommy and make him a bigger and deeper character than what the script said. Because he took so much care and advocated for what he thought made more sense for the character (i.e. their first kiss). It makes us love the character, and love him after seeing how much he cares, and ultimately it reflects very positively on the show.

I do think RG has given his input here and there (it was per his insistence that Marisol came back in S8), but it does feel like he rarely digs deeper into what he's given. At the very least, that's the impression I get (so anyone can disagree with it, that's fine!). I've never particularly connected with Eddie, and I am personally frustrated with the missed potential he has. If he stays, I honestly wish for the writers to figure out what the hell they want to do with him long term.

Anyway. I get your frustration, Nonnie. Bobs have been utterly insufferable since the interview, and the accusations I've seen coming from them? Ngl, there aren't words in the English language to describe what I think about them.

[talshiargirlfriend]

Day Twenty-Three of the 30 Day Writing Challenge

I wanted to hide under a blanket today. The no-one-likes-you demon was whispering in my ear. I told her to fuck off and tried anyway. 🤷🏻‍♀️

—

Afternoon thunderstorms

—

Most of the numbness that had carried them through Elizabeth’s funeral had worn off. The past two days at his parents’ house had been extremely quiet. Polite. Avoidant. The tension was heavy.

Trip hadn’t felt like eating lunch, but he’d sat at the table and complimented the potato salad he couldn’t even taste. His mom and dad made polite chitchat while casting him worried and sympathetic glances. On one hand they could relate to his loss all too well, but really no one could understand what he was going through. No one except T’Pol, who hadn’t come downstairs.

She was still sitting on the bed meditating when he returned, at a loss for how to occupy himself. Maybe he’d buried his heart and attention span with the baby.

“You could try actually talking to me, you know,” Trip muttered under his breath.

Surprisingly, T’Pol rose to the bait. “Would you actually listen to what I say or would you simply fill in what you expect to hear?”

“Oh right,” he sneered. “Because you’re so open and honest with your words. Must be my human ears misinterpreting everything again.” He folded his arms across his chest and glared at her.

“When I have tried to be direct with you, you have either refused to speak to me or lied about your feelings,” she snapped back.

“Oh, I’ve lied about my feelings, huh? You just had a little emotionless sexual exploration with a colleague and haven’t had a single feeling about anything ever. Certainly didn’t miss me when I was gone. And yet here you are in my head with some mystical psychic bond!”

T’Pol stood and mirrored his posture, breathing hard.

“You gonna run away now things are getting real?” Trip goaded her.

“I suppose it is my turn,” T’Pol replied acerbically.

That hit like a slap upside his head. He barked a laugh and then deflated. “I don’t want to do this, T’Pol,” he admitted with a sigh.

He could feel her strongly for a moment: rejected, hurt, scared.

“No, I mean, I don’t want to fight with you.” Trip sat down heavily on the bed. “You’re in my head and it’s like I still don’t know if you want me. And as hard as I tried not to, when I held Elizabeth I pictured this whole future with us together. I don’t want to fight, and I don’t want to force you into anything. I just want to know what the hell is going on.” Suddenly he was exhausted again.

T’Pol eyed him warily before gingerly sitting beside him. “I find the situation similarly confusing,” she confessed.

“So let’s talk about it,” he suggested.

They talked. They asked some difficult questions and admitted some painful truths.

They argued. They had sex on the floor.

They talked some more. They each made some concessions.

Trip found himself agreeing to try meditating with T’Pol. “I just need to get a drink and something for this headache first. I’ll bring you a cup of tea. Be right back,” he promised with a kiss on her cheek.

He was standing at the sink waiting for the kettle to boil when his dad walked in.

“Hell of a thunderstorm this afternoon,” Charlie said conversationally.

Trip tried to keep the deer in the headlights expression from showing as he glanced out the window guiltily. He hadn’t heard anything, but it was pretty wet outside… “Mmm,” he answered noncommittally.

“We needed a good storm. The air feels a lot clearer, don’t you think?” his dad went on, passing him a mug from the cupboard.

“It does,” Trip agreed.

“All that rain, it’s good for growing things,” Charlie said as he leaned back against the counter and watched his son carefully.

Trip felt a small smile tug at his lips as he turned and risked facing his father. “Yeah, Dad, it’s good.”

Charlie nodded, “Good.”

[chompy-jester]

Another weird thing I hear used against those in CDD spaces is "you can tell these people don't know anything because they would all use the word 'parts' not 'alters' or 'fictives' cuz therapists don't let you use terms like that". Not only is this false, but psychologists are not required to exclusively use clinical terms accepted in strict medical literature. If you call your identity states "inner people" or something because that's what you've always understood them to be, therapists will often use that term as well and allow you to self describe your experiences.

Similarly, a common misconception and assumption is "You can't act like alters are people, a therapist wouldn't let you do that" because again, yes they would. In fact treatment involves treating a patient's alternate identities individually as "real" people the way that they likely never experienced. A practitioner qualified to treat a CDD is not going to tell you not to call another alter a person because they don't meet their definition of personhood, they are going to talk to them in accordance with how they understand their own identity because they exist as they do for a reason. A psychologist isn't going to go "hey, cut that out I'm not gonna pretend you're 4 year old 'Sally'. You're John so I'm treating you as the 44 year old man you are. 'Sally' isn't a real person". Sounds like a malpractice case waiting to happen. There is nothing constructive, helpful, or healthy about this denial approach that people assume that any "sane" therapist would use. It is not a treatment modality, it's just what some people want to happen because they can't comprehend why a medical professional would "humor" these alternate identities. But it's counterproductive when you're dealing with a patient so traumatized that they've dissociated to develop multiple identities. Hell even if the person were truly only pretending to have DID, that wouldn't be a helpful approach.

I think a lot of it comes from the discomfort around and inherent strangeness of the concept that one person can somehow be five "people". They're "parts" at most but the parts vs people thing is so nuanced. Someone with DID is human, there is no "real" them. Perception of self, identity, and personhood are so complicated and personal. The thing with DID is that you truly do not have a singular sense of personhood or identity. So how that feeling is defined, depends on who you ask.

Some people even with DID frame it as "it's not the existence of multiple people but less than one whole person being fragmented" which is not inherently incorrect for someone to describe themselves. But both can be true, you are the fragments of what would have been one cohesive identity, and exist with different perceptions of identity and personhood. Really saying someone with DID is less than a whole person feels dehumanizing but at the same time that is genuinely how some people feel about living with it. Like a bunch of pieces of a person, especially if these parts aren't very complex. So I wouldn't tell these people "no you have to see all your parts as whole PEOPLE" because their sense of personhood is not mine to dictate. For some, these identities feel so distinctly different and complex due to the extent of dissociation. I just don't see myself being able to tell someone they can't consider themselves a person. Sure socially, the "outside world" won't see you as 15 people or care that you have DID but you can still perceive yourself as you do, and as a person. It's part of the survival mechanism to do so, regardless of how uncomfortable that is for someone else. Fuck's sake, I doubt the people who feel so strongly about denying personhood to those with CDDs truly have had strangers irl with DID asking to be treated individually as different people but I'm fairly certain that most of them have unknowingly interacted with someone that has DID. But I've seen some people get so pissed at the mere idea of how someone with it perceives themselves internally. It's a covert condition, most people with it don't want strangers treating them differently but people act like they're all just going to Olive Garden or some shit asking the servers to call them Naruto and screaming ableism if they don't. If anyone, typically people close to those with DID are the only ones that they wish to know different alters on a personal basis, with a few exceptions like with any disorder. Chances are your coworker isn't gonna aggressively demand that you regard them as 25 individual people but it's like the people passionate about this invent people to get mad at based on some kid they saw using Pluralkit or some TikToks reposted to a cringe comp on Youtube.

Like personally, I don't care what people think of me but to say I'm less than a person is objectively pretty fucked up and to think I should have a therapist condition me to perceive myself otherwise when that has the potential to compromise the safety of someone dissociating to survive, is just as well.

[moominmanoneandonly]

Amazing what you can accomplish while having a bad time. My long overdue GladiatorMeg AU designs + lore. (Those are not 100% accurate since I am still working on the world building, and depending on that, it will change.)

Size ranked

Shockwave & Starscream lore

•Starscream "prince of Vos" is a figurehead that's used to make Vos look like something fancy and separate from the Senate and Primes council rule however the truth is they not much different and mostly just get bribed to do what it wants. Starscream altrought he acts in control can't decide about enything in his life, he can't be a scientist becouse it's for lower classes, he can't rule because they won't let him and he I supposed to be conjunxed of for money. He attends gladiator fights because it's a good way to flaunt his non-existent power (+he likes the violence). He sees Megatron as pathetic for thinking he can change anything. He wants to break him and buys him as a bodyguard to do so. That spirals into them actually getting along (somehow), bonding over disgust of Vos "monarchy," and he agrees to help under the condition he gets to be an actual ruler and can kill his conjunx. It's a very big conflict between the two since Megatron wants to obalish monarchy entirely, but oh well, they figure it out somehow, I'm sure. (He's also the oldest of the 4 and has complex because of this since other royals call him wasted goods and stuff. He tries his best to look as young as possible)

•Shockwave "the senator". Similarly to Starscream, he lacks any actual power. He gets into the senate due to his sire at a young age and becouse of that he's not taken serous. He's a mascot to them, something nice to look at and otherwise ignore. He does get to influence votes sometimes. However, it's rare and seen by others as a "childish whimsy." Him and Orion actually know each other and have similar personalities. However, Shockwave differs by being strongly resentful and easily discouraged. He doesn't believe a revolution makes sense. Since "Senat always gets its way." That's said he does respect Megatron enough to pretend he cares. They meet when Shockwave sire hired Megatron as a prost1tute to make sure he doesn't grow to resentful and have something to occupy his mind. Megatron used him to steal from the Senate, but with time, they kinda got along. Megatron also teached Shockwave how to fight and kill at some point, which turned out to be pretty messy because surprise, surprise home schooled rich boy actually likes to see people suffer and die by his hands.

Also, this part probably could get its own post, but for now: Shockwave despises his body. He was made by his sire to look eye-catching, but it ended up very tacky and overexagerated. He is constantly objectified and not taken seriously because of it. There's this rule where colorfull mechs are either very rich or just pleasure bots. Both him and Starscream suffer from that. He also hates his mindset as a whole since it's very emotionally driven, which is the reason people never took him seriously. While the story progresses, he gets to change his colours for the purple we all know while the empurata comes after as a punishment for being a traitor to the Senate. (Spoilers. He really loves it). He really doesn't get Megatron but wants to be at his side. He kinda objectifies him to get stuff out of his system, tho. Megatron fears him at some point but gets used to his creepy behaviours. (He feels guilty about the empurata thing) Shockwave likes to be dependent on.

I tried to present the 4 of them as different takes on lack of autonomy in different casts. I'm not sure if it worked out. I'm still working on it.

+fun fact, I trought about Starscream and Shockwave being in an eranged marriage for like keeping up appearances or something and I'm not sure if it would improve the plot but it for sure would be a fun dynamic. Starscream would be such a hater of Shockwave paintjob.

[our-alterous-experience]

hi sorry about this being venty but uh

i like being alterous, sometimes. i like not being stuck between just platonic and romantic but it just feels so lonely. im the only alterous person i know and it just feels like no one else is ever gonna feel the same way i do about them, or that im somehow doing love wrong. i just want some one who loves me like i love them or someone who feels love the same way i do. how do i find community (or at the very least, feel like im not alone in this)?

I think this is something verrrrry true to my heart as well anon. I sit there and really feel how i want things to do differently than others. a long distant person who doesn’t talk to me much anymore is the only other person I’ve heard talk about alterous attraction within their friend groups. I have only dated alloromantics to my knowledge.

But to your points, I don’t think you have any idea how many people feel alienated like you do. And it might be hard to find them, or hard to find people who understand. But they are there, they are also alterous, or aro or aspec or queer. They are not queer and they still can see what you mean. It’s not worth explaining yourself to every person. But you will meet the right ones, and they will be kind as you explain how you feel. Even taking the word alterous out of it. You can still get your feelings across, and you may even introduce it to people who relate more than you think.

Connect with your aro side of the community. Hear more from loveless aros. Research cultural practices for the unpartnered— or the romance annexed. Speak out, at the right place and time you might find people. It’s what implored me to make this blog and archive and collect all that I can. I would say search for non romantic committed relationships— or talk in the tag about fictional relationships you find alterous. We are all people, many of whom aren’t writing down their experiences. It feels similarly to qpp’s getting on the map because people lived it and talked about it.

and if posting is too much, come over here and submit something, or ask a question to other blog goers. Or when someone brings it up be honest when you say you don’t relate to romantic and platonic relationships as they are usually displayed. And don’t feel diminished if you feel hurt by a look or a comment. If they were in your skin and lived your life they would get it. But they haven’t and you don’t owe them anything about the way you feel connected to people. It can be as long as “it’s not for me” “probably not” or “For quite some time when i thought of participating in traditional romantic things it felt like I would be lying. Even when I do romantic relationship stuff in my own ways it feels disconnected to me. But I still feel strongly for people. I still want to be with people or a person who understands and wants to build a special connection with me.”

Interact, find more people who see the world differently, find people appropriate to chat to online, engage with the small parts of the community. I reblog from a ton of different blogs. And if you ever need somewhere else to land, come chit chat here. You can still understand others, and others can still understand you. It might take time, and this might be the lonely season in your life. But prepare good energy to send to others. Do small things to fill up your life. It will be okay.

[pendingtomatoes]

RDR2 Men Top/Bottom Headcanons Part 4 - Kieran, Micah

Beware, this will be NSFW! This is just what's going on in my head, feel free to drop your thoughts as well! While I am writing this with a male partner in mind, I am using gender-neutral language and do not specifically define a partner for each of them!

Fair warning for very kink heavy Micah content!

Kieran - Bottom

Yet another case of do I even need to say it? That boy is a bottom and so sensitive and sweet. I don't think he has a lot of experience with partners, at most some awkward dry humping and a few quick handjobs. But boy, is he eager to learn and please. He'd need some help at first, but he's a fast learner and once he realises that his partner won't cause him any pain, he's all over them. He'd be eager to please his partner, and might need to be held down if they want to take his time cherishing him, especially if they're being especially sweet with him.

He'd be nervous with showing affection around camp for a while, cheeks bright red if his partner sneaks him a kiss when others are around (some folks would make fun of him, but he still couldn't stop smiling). Eventually, he'd become a little more confident, sitting himself on his partner's lap at the campfire (still bright red, though). Similarly, he'd be nervous around sex at first, but becomes more confident with time as he learns that yes, he is enough, and yes, his partner wants to be with him and him alone.

If asked, he might top his partner but he would not propose the idea himself, thanking and praising them profusely while he fucks them. On bottom, he's reduced to begs and whimpers at an alarming speed, gentle kisses and light touches enough to get him hard and shaking. He prefers to have his partner as close as possible, producing a constant stream of pleading noises rather than actual words. Being so sensitive, he'd have to learn not to cum immediately (I imagine that he would shoot off immediately when his partner sucks his cock for the first time, head barely in their mouth when he whimpers and cums). But he doesn't mind the overstimulation, begging so sweetly to be fucked anyways, wanting to make his partner feel good. He'd secretly love leaving hickeys on his partner where people could see them, a little proud that he gets to be the one to do so.

Micah - ???vers???

I have very conflicting feelings about Micah, and his preferences in my mind for topping/bottoming are similarly polarized. I do think it greatly depends on the partner he's with, he has to be forced and broken (consensually) to submit and bottom, which not many people can do. He becomes surprisingly obedient and eager to please in that state, while if he tops he is rough and commanding. Either way though, get ready for some kink.

Micah would only ever admit to topping, if he would admit to queer sex in the first place. He thinks of himself as on top and in charge, and really lets his partner feel that during sex. He doesn't particularly believe in foreplay or aftercare, but he does make sure his partner feels good and gives them an option to stop him before he gets too intense. His version of foreplay is making crass comments in front of the camp, coming onto his partner so strongly nobody should ever overhear it ("Your hole tasted so good last night, mind if I have some more for dinner?"). He enjoys making everyone uncomfortable, but somehow, it works. Given that Micah never sleeps, he prefers to take his partner off into the nearby woods, stuffing a handkerchief into their mouth to keep them quiet. He particularly loves having his partner fully naked on the forest ground, dirtying them up, while he stays fully clothed, only taking his cock out for the other to worship. He'd love fucking someone's face, making them choke and gag until they're drooling and messy, tugging at their hair and manhandling them around. Fucking would be filthy too, Micah would be a big fan of spit as lube and nothing else, enjoying the feeling of his partner struggling to take him. He'd spit on their hole as he's sliding in, spit on their face if he can, lick across their skin to taste their sweat, leaving bitemarks in impossible-to-hide spots. His mouth would be running non-stop, degrading and absolutely filthy, not caring if he's overheard whatsoever. Actually, he'd cherish the opportunity to show off just how much dominance he has over his partner, how much he can rough them up and how much they love it.

Bottom Micah...is rather different. It takes a certain kind of person to break Micah's mind enough to submit, but once he has been put in his place, he slides into submission easily. Whenever he is alone with that person, he'd automatically sit down on his knees on the ground next to them, maybe even resting his head on their thigh if he's feeling particularly confident and sweet. He enjoys receiving the treatment he gives to others, perhaps even more to the extreme. He'd be reduced to the need to worship his partner, mind blank and easily filled with any filthy request. Not that he would ever admit it, but something about being forced to his knees and servicing his partner could make him cum in his denims instantly. He'd polish their boots (with his mouth if ordered to do so), be their ashtray, cockwarm them for hours, drooling all over them while his mind is, for once, perfectly at ease. He'd love being stretched out, always asking for more, begging his partner for their fist, especially adoring the feeling of being loose and used afterwards. He's a lot more mellow after being put into a very submissive headspace, making noises he would never admit to, almost becoming a little clingy. Would he murder anyone that made any comment about it? Absolutely. Does he secretly prefer being used and loved on? Fuck yes.

Also Micah has a piss kink and you can rip that from my cold dead hands.

[tubbytarchia]

I feel it’s unjustified and extremely harsh for you to say that Wild Life has “the least tension or meaningful viewer retention or investment in the characters” and “did bare explorations of interesting themes” only because your faves didn’t get to have a narratively satisfying ending or moments. It’s valid to be disappointed about what happened to them/their arc and I get it since I’ve felt that way too about my fave in some of the seasons, but I never blame it on the season’s gimmick or the CCs because I know nothing is scripted and things happen spontaneously. I can’t expect things to go the way it could go or be stuck on it because it’d be unrealistic of me to assume that everyone’s characters will get a spotlight or character development or have their plans for the season fulfilled. While you’re 100% allowed to feel upset and even to list Wild Life as your least favourite, it’s unwarranted to say this season had barely anything to give when it had a fun gimmick, awesome wildcards, new alliances, funny moments and skirmishes, and arguably is the most narratively satisfying season for the winner to win at. I love that you acknowledged this season wasn’t for you, but making blanket statements like those is unnecessarily cruel to the work the CCs have put into their videos.

I didn't blame anything on the CCs either, and all I stated was my opinion. I go out of my way to disclaim that I'm expressing opinion because of responses like this and still I get faulted for "blanket statements" when I don't end every sentence with "in my opinion"

I didn't watch all the POVs but none of them had me invested through to the end personally, not just my favorites. There were a lot of funny moments, it had that in entertainment value, but what I seek from Life Series is the drama and tension first and comedy second, which I acknowledged that this series just may not be trying to cater to anymore, therefore it isn't catering to me, but I can still be sad about it

Of course I'm interested in the characters by default, especially Pearl after seeing her alliance, I really wanted to see where it would go. In the end much of nothing went anywhere for anyone. BigB had a really strong start and kind of fizzled out through no fault of his own, the BAMers were a very cute dynamic and interesting for their kill count alone but then all went kind of unceremoniously and didn't leave me with a lot of emotional attachment, and I feel similarly about Gem and Joel. Scar especially suffered struggling to achieve what he had set out to do since episode 2. The Gs had some very good moments for me to chew on regarding Pearl's and Cleo's dynamic and such but that was a small saving grace. Gem and Pearl didn't get past stage 1 of their dynamic. The idea of untrustworthiness was posed with BigB and Etho pretty strongly regarding the Gs and then they just kinda stopped caring. Team BET were kind of doing their own thing and that worked really well, narratively those guys ended up having me the most intrigued and they were among the least interest for me at the start. So many alliances were proposed in passing eg Ren with Jimmy, BigB and anyone, and then nothing narratively compelling came of them if anything at all

Again, I don't blame the CCs whatsoever for any of my failed enjoyment, but the gimmicks took center stage and interferred with the tension and drama instead of encouraging it like Secret Life, which I think did what it did really well in spite of already being very gimmicky, and I feel confident in placing my problem with the series there. This time around there was just no room to breathe for at least half the episodes, the finale especially when no one was doing much of anything other than walking around deducing the gimmicks and dying to them instead of to each other until they were quite literally forced to. And that hampered the aspect that I enjoy the most and have gotten out of every season before it, hence why my disappointment is so potent. And at least one of the CCs seems to feel similarly about the unsatisfying resolutions and failed developments

Yes the new alliances were cool, yes the player that won deserved the win, etc etc, all fine in a vacuum but I didn't see much chance for them to prosper and wish these alliances and this win were part of a different season. It's my opinion and if you disagree then that's absolutely ok, and I welcome your own opinions but please stop faulting me for it. I wish I could have enjoyed it but I don't get to just change my main draw for the series unfortunately

[stopper-my-heart]

This is my take on Harry Greene in Heartstopper (TV).

Goal:

Harry wants social capital.

Method of achieving his goal:

Harry primarily rules by fear and by creating an 'us' vs 'them' mentality.

If someone in Harry's group steps out of (his) line, he picks on them until they fall back in.

This serves as a lesson to that person, but it also sets an example for what will happen to anyone else who behaves similarly.

The others in the group therefore typically at least passively support Harry, lest they be turned on, too.

Harry will also pick on random people to:

demonstrate his authority,

amuse his mates,

make them complicit in it so that they don’t have anywhere else to turn, and

benefit from the 'bond' that creates.

-> It’s easiest to do this with people who have less social capital and/or won’t stand up for themselves (like Charlie).

Obstacles:

Nick

Harry knows that Nick is more well-liked than he is.

This is a threat to his power, so he wants to keep Nick under his thumb. -> A great way to do this is by constantly being in Nick's business and by dictating what Nick should care about and how he should live his life. When Harry gets the other lads in on it, it both adds pressure to Nick to comply and shows him that if he doesn't, he'll likely lose more than Harry.

Harry also wants to benefit from Nick’s popularity: he looks cooler if Nick is his friend.

When Nick begins to stand up to him, this is therefore an especially big problem for Harry.

Tao

When Tao starts (verbally) fighting back, this is a challenge to Harry's authority, which is unacceptable — especially from someone of Tao's low social standing.

However, it's a chance for Harry to prove himself, and it seems like it should be easy.

Charlie

From Harry's point of view, Charlie may not be directly challenging him, but Charlie is the driving motivator behind both Tao and Nick standing up to him (which they do in front of his mates, another affront), and especially behind Nick pulling away from him.

Ever since Charlie entered Nick’s life, and especially since he joined the rugby team, Nick has been different: more talkative, joking around more — and not in Harry-approved ways — and a lot less dependent on Harry. In fact, Nick keeps spending time with Charlie instead of with Harry and the other lads, even when they're all out together.

Tao is Charlie's best friend, and it's clear that he's standing up to Harry largely in defence of Charlie.

Charlie is also the opposite of Harry in a lot of ways. As Charlie begins to integrate into the rugby team, Harry will almost certainly feel the lads' acceptance of him as a weakening of Harry's grip on them and of his social capital in general.

Dealing with the obstacles:

Harry needs to prove himself, reassert his authority and superiority. Part of the problem, though, is that Harry's obstacles are intertwined.

Since Charlie is at the root of it all, Harry must (figuratively) knock Charlie down in order to (1) keep Charlie in his place as much as possible; (2) not let him become more 'in' with the rugby lads; (3) show Nick that Charlie isn’t anything special, isn’t worth 'rebelling' for; (4) keep Nick in line by straining his tether to Charlie; and (5) punish Charlie for being different to Harry as well as 'causing' issues for him.

This generally does not have the intended effect:

Charlie may occasionally be beaten down, but he continues to pick himself back up.

Tao typically wins their verbal sparring matches.

Nick increasingly frequently and strongly pulls away from Harry in favour of Charlie.

The turning point (& the fights):

Nick firmly chooses Charlie over Harry at the cinema, and Harry is incensed. Nick must be shown that Harry is the one in charge, so Harry goads him into a fight.

That Monday, Nick not only doesn't apologise, but he doesn't sit with the group before form that morning. Nick again doesn't join them at lunch. It's the same the next day.

Harry is losing his grip on Nick, and he's angry about it. Harry can’t really fight Charlie, for various reasons, but what about the other thorn in his side? If he fights Tao, that will hurt Charlie, and hurt Nick, and theoretically go towards reinforcing Harry’s superiority and rightful social standing at the top of the pecking order (and hurt Tao). What a perfect vector for his anger and frustration! So Harry goads Tao into a fight.

The aftermath

Harry tries a few more times to generously "allow" Nick back into the fold, and Nick refuses.

Christian, Sai and Otis also stop talking to Harry and those who are still close to him.

Charlie stands up to Harry.

So why does Harry stick up for Nick and Charlie in Paris?

Harry is realising that he lost: Nick is out from under his thumb now, and others have followed him. The only way for Harry to get back in is to get back in with Nick. And the way to do that is through Charlie (in the same way that going against Charlie led to the breaking point in the first place).

Is part of Harry's motivation to change that he realises that he's been treating people poorly and doesn't actually want to do that? (Or, at the very least, not his friends?)

Maybe. It's possible he genuinely misses Nick and the others and wants to do better.

But as things stand at the end of season 2, it seems like Harry has given up on homophobic "jokes" because they led to his empire crumbling; it doesn't seem like he's changed his goal or learned a bigger lesson.

Even if he has, and Harry works on changing his behaviour across the board, it may be too little too late for him to be back in with Nick and the others.

We'll have to see what season 3 brings.

[bybdolan]

thoughts on books i read in 2024

This was kind of an abysmal reading year for me ... i did not read a lot, very few books were truly excellent, and most of what I read was written by white guys (which is on me). Let’s hope 2025 is better on all fronts. Anyway, here’s a list of what I read, and about 4 sentences written in 3 minutes trying to summarize my thoughts on the book.

The Autograph Collector (Zadie Smith) – started the year off pretty strong with this one. It’s been a while since I read it, but what I do remember is that smith is an excellent storyteller and I liked how the themes of grief, dreams, and fame were woven together.

Die Insel der 1000 Leuchttürme (Walter Moers) – eh? I was constantly hoping that this would go in a “horror as metaphor for bigotry” or “small communities with strict rules are fucking scary” (think The Wicker Man) kind of direction, and thus was not on board with the way the plot ended up developing. It’s also way too long and Hildegunst’s neuroses are annoying after a certain point.

Faserland (Christian Kracht) – this is as good as everyone says it is. Full stop. I admittedly just love books about sad young men who are or pretend to be assholes (Catcher in the Rye), so this was perfect for me. Very sad and very pale, but in a good way – it felt clear, like nice winter wind. Also: I couldn’t get the boy to kill me but I wore his jacket for the longest time. Etc. etc.

Das fliegende Klassenzimmer (Erich Kästner) – a classic for a reason!!! Children’s books are at their best when they take their audience seriously, and this passes that test with flying colors. Incredibly fun, incredibly moving. Made me cry more than once. Eisern!

Call Me By Your Name (André Aciman) – this was a really interesting experience for me because I strongly disliked the movie when I watched it, as I was constantly put off by Oliver’s behavior. I think the book does a better job at making you understand the fragile and confusing back-and-forth between Elio and Oliver, and I found myself really really liking it because of that. I also greatly appreciate how unapologetically horny it is. Being horny makes you act fucking weird!!! I love weird horny representation!!! YAY peach scene! The style was beautiful as well, though a bit imagery-heavy at times, which did fit the heavy summer atmosphere.

Rico, Oskar 1 – 3 (Andreas Steinhöfel) – listened to the audiobooks on my way to uni. A very fun time all around. Similarly to Kästner, Steinhöfel has a lot of respect for his audience and also doesn’t shelter them. What other kids’ books can you name where the protagonist’s mom works at a strip club? The representation may not be perfect but I love that he went there. Mama Doretti you are forever famous TO ME.

The End of Loneliness (Benedict Wells) – always pains me to say this because Benedict Wells legit is so fucking sweet and nice in person and I’d LOVE to have dinner with him, but ... he is not thaaat good of a writer. This one essentially is a John Irving wannabe, and despite the “dark” themes it feels incredibly shallow and cliched at times. The female character(s) are particularly offensive. However: at the very least Wells is earnest about it all?

22 Bahnen (Caroline Wahl) – Caroline Wahl who had 2 books on the bestsellers list for over a year now recently complained that she wasn’t nominated for the Deutscher Buchpreis, which is partially meant as financial support for authors whose a) books do not sell well because b) they are good and complex pieces of literature, so I hope that she’ll be at least a bit consoled by receiving the “Book That Made Me Seethe With Hatred 2024” award <3 the writing is ass the story is shallow it’s all just a big fucking cliché and the depiction of poverty and addiction is appalling. I’d be ashamed to put a book like this out into the world.

HOOL (Philipp Winkler) – this still is THE book about violent men to me. I read it 5 times in the summer of 2018 and I am happy to report that it has lost none of its appeal and grit and ugliness. Simply a 10/10 and deeply formative to my taste.

Emil und die Detektive (Erich Kästner) – everything I said about Das fliegende Klassenzimmer is also true for this one. Ultimately I do prefer Klassenzimmer though, simply because the themes of friendships and camaraderie appeal to me much more.

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo (Stieg Larsson) – As a thriller this is near perfect, I could not put it down for two days. Larsson manages to do the whole “intersection of faith and violence against women” thing without it feeling exploitative (I’d be inclined to believe he may have started this trend), and I am glad that he allows his female characters to take gruesome revenge. Howeveeerrr unfortunately the narration still has a very chauvinistic edge to it and Mikkel feels like a male mid 40s wish fulfillment fantasy.

The Goldfinch (Donna Tartt) – I bought this in the Mauritshuis after seeing the Goldfinch so :’) it has a nice little sentimental edge to it. And this is another one of those “it really is THAT good” books. Looking back now, I am surprised that relatively little has stayed with me though – I never was that invested in Theo, and I also didn’t love Boris a ton, so a lot of the novel was just me hanging out with characters I didn’t like reading about that much. What stuck with me the most was the love for beautiful things that comes pouring out of every pages. Especially the parts in Hobie’s shop were just awe-inspiring. I’m planning to do a reread where I just focus on the descriptions because they were so unbelievably rich.

Bluebeard (Kurt Vonnegut) – I don’t remember a ton about this. What comes back to me most is my fondness of Vonnegut. He has a lot of humor and warmth in his writing, and I always find myself deeply moved by him writing about people loving one another, as funny or dark or even sad it may be.

The Virgin Suicides (Jeffrey Eugenides) – IT REALLY IS THAT GOOD. I could go on about the genius of that narrator perspective (the boys who watched the Lisbon girls as this big shapeless faceless conglomerate of first person plural) for ages. The prose is embroidery-worthy and the amount of detail and specificity do not only bring the Lisbon girls to life, but also the entire small town ecosystem around them. A beautiful capsule of stifled adolescence. And yet a horrifying read. (Bonus: I read this at the time when my boyfriend was reading Lolita, so when we were reading in public we looked like Mr. + Mr(s). Coquette.)

The O’Henry Prize Winners of 2024 – I love a good short story collection what can I say? I highly recommend these collections to everybody, as they present an array of innovative, diverse, well-told short stories that you may have not heard about before unless you are a literary magazine afficionado. My favorites were “Roy” and “The Soccer Balls of Mr. Kurz”.

Everybody Jam (Ali Lewis) – listen. Nothing hits like a good middle grade book. This one is veeery heavy at times and I was honestly not ready for some of the stuff that was happening, but it still was an engrossing experience and I just love coming-of-age stories that get into the mess of living. I also learned a lot about Australian cattle farming. Yay.

Fighting Ruben Wolfe (Markus Zusak) – another book about men and violence, yay! Finished this one today (it technically is only the first half of my German joint edition of this + “When Dogs Cry” but shhh). The writing was really good for the most part (I read it to get a feel for slightly gritty and simple vocabulary-wise yet rich in imagery narration for a project of mine, and it definitely delivered), however, it is very cut-up and not very subtle at times. I also felt like it was just missing. Something. I wasn’t really satisfied by the end of it.

so uuuh I think my favorite new reads of the year were The Virgin Suicides and Faserland. Maybe I should lighten up.

[utilitycaster]

I’ve been thinking about Laudna, and the ways she’s not very well fleshed out, and Ashton being vocally anti god and nobody in the party being very pro god. I think it’s weird that Laudna is not more pro god, at least pro the dawnfather or everlight? Like she grew up in Whitestone, a very sacred and pretty religious city. And then 30 years later she was brought back to life explicitly by the skill of a highly trained and powerful cleric. Do you think this is just a case of Marisha not thinking about it that way, or has she made Laudna more neutral on purpose? I just think it’s (in addition to weird) a missed opportunity

so here's something I actually believe strongly: I don't think it's important for Bells Hells to have an explicitly pro-god person. They did, with FCG, and they do again with Braius, for what it's worth, but like...Percy is from Whitestone and his attitude towards the gods is largely "I'm not particularly interested in them nor respectful towards them, and I'm going to go do my own thing." The vibe of Whitestone has been very much one of cultural Dawnfather worship, but not everyone will necessarily develop deep faith as a result.

Similarly, much as I just pointed out that Ashton misplaces a lot of blame of the actions of mortals onto the gods because they're around to be mad at and his parents are dead, I don't think it's unrealistic for Laudna to think of her resurrection as the work of Pike, not of the Everlight (and, to be totally fair, it is at least in part, because resurrection from clerics post-Divergence only comes from the gods working through mortals). We've had a lot of resurrections before, and none of the rest of Vox Machina became worshipers of the Everlight. Vex was technically brought back by a cleric of Vesh, though Vax's offer to the Raven Queen was instrumental in the success of the ritual, and she worships neither.

My issue with the anti-god position is that for everyone in Bells Hells except Dorian, it boils down to petulantly throwing a genocidal tantrum because someone else got a present and you didn't. Like, just because someone never gave you anything doesn't mean you should actively pursue their demise.

Now: do I think more should have been done with Laudna? of course. From what I understand (and I plan on purchasing the ebook and reading it this weekend) WDB is an inopportune marriage of Khaw's overcooked dark 'n' edgy fanfic prose with Laudna running around aimlessly for 30 years, occasionally abducting children and then wondering why people are mad about that, so like, clearly, there was considerable room for improvement. However, I'd have addressed this by like, making her a wizard, or having literally anything interesting happen in her backstory after she died, or not bringing Delilah into it and instead having a cooler patron whom she actually wanted to work with. And with regards to her position on the gods, honestly I feel the problem is that no one really came in with a character with a realized position on the gods, and then found themselves in the You Need To Have An Extremely Considered Positions On The Gods Campaign and they sort of scrambled or went with a ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. That's not specific to Laudna at all, so I wouldn't put any more blame on her than any other cast member, and again it goes back to "hey Matt, if you want to tell this story with any serious heft and meaning to it, you need to give your players more of a heads-up than 'pulpier.'"