sheiksss-universe-blog

[apocalypticdemon]

being friends with someone who constantly throws pity parties for themselves is fucking exhausting.

[gffa]

This is a long rant and I apologise if this comes off as too much 😅 I just want to let you know that I'm SO GLAD you're part of the star wars fandom. You're one of the few reasons my interest in this franchise has survived despite the toxicness that it has seeped into everything the past few years. Yes, star wars fandom has always been pretty much a mess but I feel like these days it's somehow gotten even worse. And there isn't even anything coming out that could distract everyone from the constant drama.

Your blog and your posts about the books are always a breath of fresh air in all this. I really appreciate that you take time to make all these long canon references and share them with us. And that you actually engage with canon content! For some reason that seems to be a tall order for most 'fans' these days.

It's exhausting seeing the ice cold takes about the jedi be repeated over and over again by people who seem to have barely even watched the films, let alone read the random book they're referencing to show how the jedi are So Evil and failed poor anakin by Forcing him to let go of his Attachments so they definitely deserved to all get massacred down to the last child!!! And if you push back by citing literally anything canonical to show how ridiculous their takes are they reference a random obscure legends novel (that they are often twisting and also usually haven't even read) And if you point out that, no, Legends isn't canon (and never has been) and we could discuss it as its own separate thing instead of dragging it into canon discussions, they completely flip and say they don't care and to stop taking star wars so seriously 🙄 ( u can probably tell I've had some pretty frustrating fandom arguments recently lol)

It does feel like groundhog day sometimes with the same arguments being repeated over and over again to villainize the jedi while absolving the genocidal mass enslaving space fascists that are Very Clearly the Bad Guys. And it feels pretty much deliberate at this point when people misunderstand star wars' canon definition of attachment and project all their issues in their own lives with their christian upbringing onto the space monks... This has only been exacerbated by people like Headland jumping onto the franchise and doing this with fuckass disney's approval, so now the racist anti jedi youtubers have started attacking this new anti jedi show so if I defend the jedi I get lumped in with them *sigh*

Anyway, I just listened to Padawan's Pride because of your posts and it was fun and a much needed palate cleanser for me after the months of anti jedi takes. I also started reading your jedi citations project and it's gotten me back into reading some other of my favorite jedi fics and maybe writing some of my own. So tldr; Thank You!

Oh, anon, I hear you and I went through a lot of similar feelings over the last few months. In between a lot of IRL stuff coming up and the fandom getting incredibly weird about Jedi fans (soooo much projection going on that it started getting unsettling sometimes) and the same old constant beratement on my posts, I was thinking that I was just too tired to deal with any of it.

It did get hard some days because it felt like no matter how hard I tried to be friendly and make a point to say that everyone needed to be allowed their space whether we agreed or not, that I would still get words put in my mouth or my posts misinterpreted or accused of trying to shut down other people's conversations, when I've never even interacted with that person, I've never reblogged anything from them, never talked about them, just made my own posts about the Jedi on my own blog.

That aspect of how, if we write posts that cite Lucas quotes or moments from the movies and shows, we're taking things too seriously (or the super weird one of how we're trying to "force" people to have to take Lucas' commentary as a holy grail or whatever), then we're taking it too seriously is SO REAL, I have been through that SO MUCH. And it's like, no! Nobody has to take authorial intention into consideration! But if you're going to say that I ~missed the point~ of what Lucas intended with the movies, I'm going to break out the Lucas quotes to show that, no, I didn't miss the point. You're still not obligated to agree, but the point is that I'm not coming out of nowhere with my views and deriding me as not a ~true fan~ or whatever is asshole behavior.

And it's hard to have that groundhogs day feeling, especially because you don't necessarily want to spend that time getting into arguments with people--they are allowed their own space, if they want it! But if they're coming into our space, then yes we get to respond with an essay if we like. (And, hey, some of us genuinely like writing essays, it's satisfying!) But I've found the best mindset for me to have when arguing is: I'm not going to convince this person in front of me and that's fine, they're not going to convince me, either. But there are other people watching this discussion and they are seeing which one of us is being a pill and which one of us looks kinda fun to hang out with.

Which is my way of winding around to what I really want to say--I'm so glad that I can help you want to have fun in this corner of fandom! There's always going to be times to respond with sharp edges to Jedi-critical stuff (especially when it starts dipping into the racist, xenophobic, bigoted nonsense)(not all of Jedi criticism is this, but it does happen all too often), I don't blame Jedi fans for having their nerves scraped raw by people feeling absolutely free to treat our posts like public property instead of them coming into someone else's lane to make a mess. (I've met some very nice Jedi critical people, this isn't about them, this is about the assholes.)

But is it really worth being in a fandom where that's all we do anymore? We can't avoid the negativity, we can't avoid people being assholes to us, but we can work on making the content we want to see at the end of a long day when we get home and log onto the computer and want to see something that makes us feel joyful.

I hope I'm doing my part to make it fun to stick around the fandom, to want to read some of the books or some of the fic, I love the artists who are drawing the cutest Jedi art, I love the fic writers who are writing great Jedi-positive stories, I love people who make silly shitposts about how funny the Jedi fan be, I love people who cry over the deaths of their favorite Jedi, they help make the fandom worthwhile.

It really does make a huge difference, I think! Whenever I need that same palette cleanser, I just take a week or so to push aside all discourse (don't even go look), just pick up some of my favorite Jedi fics, just go looking for some of my favorite Jedi art, reread "Padawan" or "Padawan's Pride" or "Obi-Wan & Anakin" or "The Living Force" or "Dark Rendezvous" and just spend time thinking about the things I love about the Jedi in canon, thinking up headcanons about lineages or nerdy Jedi philosophy arguments or adrenaline junkies, and it helps create the space I want to be in.

Hearing that I can help you with that is a huge boost as well--I hope you know that it helps me in return to know that we can help build something together here in our corner of the Star Wars internet. We're in this together and we can cheer each other up with cute content and I am getting out the pom-poms for you to have fun with that fic! <3

[cybernetic-side-eye]

Hi Commander Wolffe (I remind myself you said that was okay.)

I'm sorry to bother you, and I know you probably won't even see this before my self-made mini-crisis is over, so don't worry about that. But I just wanted to try to distract myself a little bit. And I'm sorry, but you're the one I go to when I'm worried about my vision. (That'll teach you to be nice to me!)

And I'll say right off the bat I know you're not a doctor, and you don't know anything about eye/vision problems, especially in my universe, I'm just using you as a distraction (again, sorry.)

A few years ago I had surgeries to remove the floaters (the gray squiggly worm type) from both eyes. But after that I still had a black dot or two that would float through my vision sometimes. The kind that would make me think a gnat was flying around me or something like that. Not enough to bother my vision, just a little annoying.

I mentioned it to my doctors, and they all say there is nothing in my eye. They see no black dots anywhere. So they don't know what it is. I've asked 2 retinal specialists, a glaucoma specialist, an optometrist who monitors my pressures, and my optometrist who prescribes my glasses. They all say there is nothing there. The optometrist did say, "I've had other people tell me they have that, but we don't know what it is."

So I've just learned to live with it. I'd say it's half the time I see them, and they're easily ignored.

But today when I woke up there was a different one. Different shaped (more of a splotch than an actual dot) and a little bigger. And it seems to stay in the far right of my vision. It's big enough I thought it was a bug crawling on me at one point. But it's not BIG, just bigger than the others. And I see them today too.

I've been debating if I should go to the ER (since it's the weekend, no one is in any of my doctors' offices.) But I don't know if ERs even have ophthalmologists around or on call. And I don't know if a regular MD would know what to look for.

I'm probably not going to go. I haven't seen it for the last 5 minutes. Maybe it's fine. I'm sure it's fine. I just worry a lot.

So as a distraction, I wanted to ask if you had a story of a time with your brothers that brought you joy. You have the whole "grumpy" persona on display a lot, but I'm sure you have fun and enjoy stuff too. Especially with your brothers. And it could be when you were younger or now or anything.

Or if you don't have any stories you want to share, maybe just what some of your favorites are? Like color, weather, pastime, beverage?

Or maybe just what you're up to right now (at the time you see this, that is.)

As I said, I'm writing this to distract myself more than anything. Sorry to bother you, but thank you for making me feel comfortable enough that I was able to distract myself with writing this.

Take care,

Carol (@clonethirstingisreal)

You don't have to apologize for anything. I don't interact out of obligation and wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be. I know firsthand how scary it is when your eyes don't work correctly. To me, it sounds like you're taking some time to think through your options.

I know I can be a grump or come across as overly serious, but that's only because it takes me time to get comfortable in certain situations. I think it's a good time for a story, though. I think @capt-traitor would be fine with me sharing this.

Gregor and I were headed back to triple zero. A bunch of commandos ended up working with the 104th and it was a difficult campaign. While the battle was won, the damage to this one village was particularly awful and even though we got everyone to safety, we were all tired on the flight back. We were what you might call "tired drunk" and for whatever reason, Gregor decided to start talking about how we should get out more. The conversation essentially went like this:

Gregor: When was the last time you went dancing? Me: Never. Gregor: There's your problem! You need to get out more. Swing that kama around. Show the people what you're working with. Let off some steam! Me: I don't swing for just anyone. Gregor: I think you mean something else besides what that sounds like, but that's not important right now. Get up. Me: What? Gregor: Stand up.

Cue Gregor grabbing my hands, pulling me up, and holding me like we're about to waltz. I was too tired to argue, but that man can dance. First he led and hummed while teaching me some steps. Then he had me lead. I don't know where he learned it, but there was just something ridiculous and fun about learning to dance after a series of such long days. We turned on some music and - as Comet would say - we were vibing. Let lose, danced like we were at a club instead of attempting to be fancy, and certain that no one could hear us. At some point we waddled down to the mess in a sleepy daze, broke in without waking anyone up, and grabbed some barely edible ration bars.

Only, @commander-stabby had overheard everything because he was trying to sleep next door. He found us sitting on the floor of the mess kitchen, half-asleep, trying to find the energy to make caf. Gregor looked up at him and asked "You dance, commander?"

[o2studies]

༻`` 1 June — Saturday 56/60

🧡 academia >> / (planning to study a lot of Russian as I've finished this year of school now)

🧡 physical health >> I walked a good bit today, there was a kind of fun day at a park and so I went there with a friend and it was SO MUCH FUN!

🧡 self care >> Sleeping in that little bit extra this morning

I went with K today on a single ride 6 or 7 times and it was amazing! So so much fun, we were screaming our heads off (it the one in the middle picture) and enjoying the music and the slightly sick feeling of being spun round at 100mph. It also felt really freeing to just scream and really funny whenever I'd say 'wee' in a childish tone whenever we'd start spinning in the seats again. We went to her house afterwards, had food, watched Emperor's New Groove (1 & 2) and had way too much fun texting out friend from each other's phones. It was an amazing start into summer.

More updates about this last week:

My exams went quite well I think. There is a couple I might have to retake next year but we'll see whenever I get the grades (I'm praying to God they're all A's or at least high B's). I'm quite happy with how they went tho and mostly proud of the revision I've done for them (I have really died down the revision in the last week and was so tired—physically and mentally— of it all)

I've been falling into some depression-related habits on this past week, sleeping in way too late and constantly, not taking care of myself, being really tired in the evenings and just wasting away the afternoons on my phone & isolating. I am already better and I know I'm working to keep being better. I'm really proud of myself for how quickly I'm bouncing back from that

I wrote some more in my journal recently and started writing out some goals for this year's summer! I would like to write at least some of them out on a post here soon and properly reflect on the list.

My parents had a conversation with my the other day about how I'm allowed to get a part-time summer job this year! I'm really excited, it would be good for me in many ways plus it'll keep me slightly more busy in these next 3 months which is good

I also got my driving licence!! Woo!!

I'm talking with my friends more often and really bonding with them too. We're getting a lot more comfortable around each other too (and the friendly flirting sessions we sometimes have are just so fun XD). We are going to make a good few plans for meeting up over the summer.

After the last exam I talked to another friend, A, while waiting for our buses and I forget how much I love having them as a friend. It was really nice to hear more about them and how she's been doing and her plans for the summer. I'm hoping to meet them sometime next week after their Birthday.

This might be it for now.. If I can remember anything else major that's happened I'll make another post to add to this.

Good night/morning everyone :)

[cycleoffates]

Just found you here after searching Pumpkin Panic (again). You see, I found that demo back in 2014-2016 and I feel like it made a huge impact on what my art aesthetic preferences are because your artsyle is super colorful and the game really gave me candy and Halloween vibes! So once I a while I search official art you have posted about it. Whether you come back to making games or not I wanted to thank you for creating that demo and showing your spooky ocs. Hope you have a nice day!

hello!!! thank you so much for sending me this message. apologies if my response has been somewhat late, Tumblr's a place I hardly check and free time isn't something I have as much as I used to. 🥲 sorry if this is gonna be a long response too! i didn't intend it to be but I'm feeling somewhat sentimental.

even if i've pretty much been radio silent all over the place, this message has been something I've been constantly thinking about for a while. well, this one and a few that have been left on one of my videos. 🥹 (I'm posting them rq bc they bring me joy)

Pumpkin⭐Panic (yeah, with the star bc i found out there's another game called that now) has always been very near and dear to my heart. i made that demo when I was still a kid in high-school w/ a lot of ambitions. the idea for it was very impulsive, bc it started out as me making a gift for my followers on Halloween. i have no idea how I managed to create a demo for it in under a month (I have no clue how I was able to do it back then 💀).

talking about and posting OC stuff has always made me shy bc I wasn't sure how people would perceive it (or rather, my original, non-fandom creations), but it warms my heart to know it's been (and is still) loved by a lot of ppl who remember it to this day, even if it's very old. not to mention, it's very outdated, littered with bugs and was made on a (now defunct) laptop with a broken audio jack (hence why the audio is so loud (LOL)). making a game by yourself is harder than it looks!!!

it's been......... maybe 10+ years now? i think since it's initial creation. wow. typing that out makes me feel OLD. during all that, I put out another game demo and tried to write visual novels, but none of them were finished/saw the light, either. I'm somewhat ashamed of that too. i wanted to make more stories, but I just found myself lacking the time and the motivation (Tumblr was dying, I started working towards a college degree, you get the gist).

at that point, i stopped posting OC content as much (bc you know, social media engagement with fandoms and commissions gets you clicks!). i kept all those to myself (granted I didn't have a lot to begin with LOL) and only shared them with close friends. sometimes i'd post something on the bird-app, but it wasn't constant.

and then few years ago, a couple things happened to me (for the worse?). it opened my eyes and made me realize how impacted I (as a person) and my creations (as extensions of me) were by others who I shared personal connections with (through relating w/my characters). those things changed my life and made me anxious about talking about them again with others. i got scared. it was bad.

from then on, i shifted my gear towards making a lot of money as I could from commissions. flash forward to the beginning of last year, I had my "icarus-flew-too-close-to-the-sun" moment.................... yeah, burnout is NOT fun.

but at the same time, during those years of making bank and struggling, I was able to connect with someone again who made me love talking about my OCs again. i started roleplaying w/OCs again, I started writing and drawing OCs again. granted, they're not the same ones as before, but they're still my characters, and I want to share their stories with the world (someday). yeah okay, this is veering away from Pumpkin⭐Panic so i'm pulling the reins back on it again.

thank you again (from the bottom of my heart) for sending me this ask. this probably wasn't??? the answer you were expecting, but it made me feel something so HAVE AT IT. 🥹 I have attempted to create some semblances of art for a Pumpkin⭐Panic "reboot" but never got far, so it's most likely I won't be picking the game demo project back up. maybe I'll post them here if I remember to?

i've been thinking about giving the main game some closure at least. an artist I follow did something where when they decided to quit their webcomic, they posted the scripts/concept art/etc of said webcomic so fans can look at it. i think that's something I might try and do, if people are interested.

i also had plans for a prequel game (visual novel written conceptual draft)......... that? that's something I'm still thinking of doing one day, mostly because I have a new OC project now (not PP! related) that I want to bring to life but have no idea on the direction I want to go with. a friend told me that maybe trying to do an experimental visual novel with the prequel (of PP!) might help me get a feel for where I want to go for said new story. it doesn't have a proper name that I'm happy with, but............

i just think these goobers deserve that finished, at least.

thank you one again for your ask, sorry if it was sooooo long-winded, and i hope you have a wonderful day as well! <3

[fraterfalls]

Hi, I'm new to Blood Brothers AU and I was curious about it. Can you explain about it or show me where I can see the best explanation about it?

ohhh, dear asker, the rabbit hole i'm about to send you down... >:)

alright let me try and explain it in the most coherent way possible, it's late at night BUT i will try my best!!!

explanation under the cut!

(in general, if you're new to the bb au like this asker and trying to find your way around this overwhelming hell of an au i've concocted, i recommend you start here :D)

wow. i tried SO HARD to make this a semi-concise explanation and YET it somehow turned into a mini-fic in itself towards the end there. sighhh... (lol even still, have fun reading!)

first thing's first i need to tell you aboutttt

The Parallel World / "Better World".

in journal 3, ford mentions visiting a parallel dimension in which stan never pushed him into the portal, and instead took his journal and hid it as ford had requested.

^ some screenshots to give you the basic gist of what's going on in that dimension, everything you need to know for the time being. you can read more about it on internet archive if you like

at some point in august i reread this part of journal 3 and became obsessed with the idea of a parallel dimension. i also noticed that apart from mentioning how he never pushed ford into the portal and took the journal in this world, parallel stan is just... not really brought up. at all. ...which opens up some interesting possibilities.

as you can probably guess, this dimension features in the blood brothers au! in my interpretation, the reason stan was never mentioned is because after leaving with ford's journal, he never came back, just seemingly disappeared off the planet. parallel ford... has not been handling this well (and a certain bastard triangle only serves to play up his worst fears!), and because he has such a large student body to attend to and take care of and protect, he represses his issues, buries them under layers and layers of work and responsibilities. nobody even knows he has a brother...

not even his nephew and niece, dipper and mabel. however, they're observant as all hell. as secretive as ford is, they see past his little white lies, they see how he doesn't eat properly and falls asleep at his desk and laughs nervously when someone asks if he's alright. (i haven't talked much about the role they play in this au on tumblr, but rest assured i'll be elaborating more on it in my upcoming fic that may come out sometime within... um... the next few months to the next few decades. they're still the same old mystery twins we know and love, except now they've set their sights on figuring out what their grunkle ford is hiding. very Not What He Seems reminiscent)

alright, now that i've mostly covered the parallel world, time to move on to:

The Portal Stan AU

while i was obsessing over the Better World, a parallel dimension/"alternate universe" which already exists in canon, i started thinking about another AU which is fairly popular in the gravity falls fandom: the portal stan AU. in which stan, rather than ford, gets sent into the portal. thought it was a fantastic concept ever since i first saw it, because it opens so many doors for interesting characterization and also some good ol' angst (and later a healing arc, of course). portal stan has, after all, spent 40 or so years without a solid family base or anyone to care for him. and i can imagine that in those 30 years he spent dimension-hopping, his only thought was to return to his home dimension and see ford again. yes, he was furious and frustrated when they had that last argument, but surely in hindsight he saw how paranoid and jittery ford had been throughout their meeting. he would want to get back and make sure his brother was safe as soon as possible.

and then i had the thought which kicked off this entire au:

what if portal stan fucked up and somehow stumbled upon the parallel dimension while searching for a way home? what if portal stan and parallel ford... MET?

portal stan sees parallel ford and his situation and comes to the conclusion that, without him in the way, ford would flourish. parallel ford sees portal stan and comes to the conclusion that no matter the universe, he somehow manages to destroy stan's life just by being in it. even just knowing that the other exists exacerbates their own insecurities. IT'S SO AWFUL AND SO PERFECT.

also, portal stan couldn't be more desperate to get out of the parallel dimension- partly because he hates the reminder that ford would be better off without him, but mostly because he wants to see his real brother again. however, parallel ford has other plans for him. he's been in denial about the true fate of his own brother for a long time now, but he sees this version of stan and decides he can't afford to let go of him. (his own mental state is too fragile to accept the idea of losing stan again, even if this isn't his own stan. he already let go of him once after the WCT fiasco, and again after the journal incident. thrice is... thrice is too much.)

you may also be thinking "hey, smart guy, i actually DID read that screenshot you posted above while explaining the parallel dimension. it said parallel ford and fiddleford constructed a little something called a Vortex Neutralizer which allows for safe, bill-free multiversal travel. couldn't portal stan just use that to get out of there?"

yeaaah, parallel ford doesn't tell him about that!

he will do almost anything to keep stan with him. he is sinking his claws into that man begging him not to leave-

and stan hates him for it. tears into him with insult after insult. he can't stand this ford, why's he acting like he doesn't have everything he could ever want? (except, of course, he doesn't really hate him. after all, this is still stanford pines, maybe not his ford but he's certainly a ford. same old easily excitable nerd he used to tease back in high school. but stan still has his own ford to attend to, one who needs him more than anything... probably... hopefully, so he shuts out the part of him which is growing fond of parallel ford. tells himself not to think too much about this one. he hardly even knows him. he shouldn't have to bother.)

-

and yeah that's. i think that's enough information to take in in a single post. there's still plenty more going on with the au that i haven't touched on here, but hey that's just the premise! i would link you to more specific posts which will help you further acquaint yourself with the au, but it's. it's 2am and i am incredibly sleepy, so instead i will simply provide you with the link to the blog archive, where you can look at all the posts on here without having to scroll endlessly trying to find specific things. enjoy!!!

if you have any more questions DON'T BE AFRAID TO COME BOTHER ME ABOUT IT !!! i loved answering this ask... <3 been meaning to rewrite a better AU Premise Post than the one i made back in august anyway lol

[cinnamontails-ff]

The incredible @kittenintheden tagged me for this, so I'll give it my best shot!

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

Four.

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

224,051 - which, honestly, is insane because that means I've written (and edited) pretty much two entire novels over the course of last 12 months. The vampire elf is too powerful, guys.

3) What fandoms do you write for?

BG3

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I'm a fandom newbie, so I don't even have 5, but here are my babies:

Accountant's Guide - Pre-Canon Astarion teams up with a human accountant to frame Cazador for tax fraud. It's exactly as whacky as it sounds.

Magistrate's Advocate - The Magistrate Astarion longfic someone had to write.

Vampire Stay-at-Home Trophy Husband - Reverse Isekai EA oneshot

An Empirical Science - My contribution to the Holy Rolan Empire

5) Do you respond to comments?

Always. Obsessively so. Love responding to comments and chatting with readers.

6) What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

My fics have a good bit of angst and tension and heartbreak, but I always strive for an overall "warm" feeling in my writing, so those moments tend to get resolved at some point. No angsty endings in my portfolio (yet).

7) What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Accountant's Guide is where I gave Astarion everything I wish he could have. Zero regrets.

8) Do you get hate on fics?

Occasionally, but it's pretty rare. Not to make excuses for people hating on fics (because that is despicable; we're working for free here), but I don't think my fics are controversial enough to attract a lot of hate. They're cute. They're wholesome. They don't take themselves too seriously, so I think it's pretty difficult to hate on them.

Although someone once called Scarlett a b**** and sometimes I remember that and I become wrath.

9) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Explicit smut is something I've really only started doing when I got into fanfiction this past year. I like incorporating it into my longfics to emphasize key moments for my characters and their development, so it's part porn, part plot.

It can get kinky, but it will always be consensual. Dubcon/noncon is a big no for me, personally.

10) Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

No crossovers, but An Empirical Science is where I have a lot of fun butchering adapting Pride & Prejudice lines. I mean, it's a Rolan fic. How could you not?

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know, but I have seen coincidences of very similar concepts and ideas popping up after I've introduced them in my fics.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, there's an ongoing Ukrainian translation for Accountant's Guide! I translate the comments every now and then and readers are really praising the language skills of the translator, so that's awesome!

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but we chat a lot about my stories on my Discord server, so that's often a little like writing together.

14) What’s your all time favorite ship?

Shalladin (Kaladin x Shallan from Stormlight Archive). I love Brandon Sanderson with all my heart, but for this, I will never forgive him.

15) What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I get very hyperfocused on my stories and rarely work on more than 1 project at a time, so I tend to finish what I start.

16) What are your writing strengths?

Look, my social anxiety makes me a pretty rizzless person to talk to in real life, but my writing is funny. It's charming. I am great at character voice. I keep things real. My OCs don't need to be perfect flawless beauty goddesses to woo the guy; they recite a few paragraphs and swing their fountain pen and the guy is on. the. floor.

Sometimes literally.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

According to a rather charming public bookmark on my fic, I struggle with "pacing issues" and "questionable narrative choices". Clearly, this person knows what they're talking about, so let's accept it as fact.

18) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I think this is generally really difficult to pull off without being confusing (check out "The Wee Free Men" by Sir Terry Pratchett for a really good example how to do it). So unless I had a very specific reason for it, I would prefer to write around it as I've done with Infernal in An Empirical Science.

19) First fandom you wrote for?

Still BG3. First and last? Who knows.

20) Favorite fic you’ve written?

Accountant's Guide. It's the story I wrote when I hit rock bottom and thought I couldn't write anymore. It's the story that made me believe again. My first story in English and by far the easiest thing I've ever written. It's the story I reread when I'm sad, when I'm happy, when I want a hug that reaches all the way into my soul. I am never happier than when people tell me this is a comfort read for them, just as it is for me.

I'm tagging @thedreamlessnights, @purdledooturt, @larvasmoon, @karinamay and @davenswitcher if they feel like sharing their answers!

[blubushie]

Is there a reason you're so open about your sex life?

Yeah actually. I've had a lot of shit happen to me in my life.

The first person I ever had a crush on was another boy, and my best mate. We'll call him Nate. I knew I liked boys before I knew I liked girls, cuz up until I was 12 I'd never really spent time with girls at all—I didn't even know any girls my age—but I did have Nate. I met him when I was 10, and he taught me to ride horses and work stock. So growing up that was one helluva secret to hold. And he knew that I liked boys, and he jokingly called me a faggot and a queer and we laughed about it. And when other kids would hang shit on me at school, he didn't. In private, sure, with love. But in public, he stuck up for me. Cuz I was one of the Good Ones™, and his friend.

When I was 12 I was abused by a man in his 40s. And I heavily repressed my feelings towards other boys because I figured that that was the path it led down. "Gays are paedophiles. Queers wanna touch kids. They're dangerous." And I figured that if I just ignored it, I'd never end up a monster like he was. And when I told Nate about this, he said the same thing. "They're all like that. They're dangerous. You need to be careful or people will think you'll do the same. And I know you won't, cuz you're one of the Good Ones™. But you have to be careful." Nate was the first and only person I told about my abuse until it went public. He kept my secret for 3 years. He held me and I cried.

Nate was the last man outside of family who's held me. I haven't been held by another man since I was 12. I haven't been hugged by another man outside my family since I was 15.

At 14, I met another kid we'll call Lake. He was fun, and cheerful, and bubbly. And he was also gay. Very very openly gay. The feminine kinda gay. Talks like a girl kinda gay. Not my type, but I admired him. And I envied his bravery in being so out and not caring about what people thought of him.

Or the risk.

At 15, Nate got me drunk. We'd been working calves all day on the local station where his parents lived as hired hands. He snuck a slab from his parents' outshed on the station and we took our horses out and sat in the shade of a gum and drank. I'd never had alcohol before except at Mass, and I got pretty tipsy. And the sun was setting and it struck these orange streaks through his hair, and reflected real pretty off those eyes, and I decided he was very very handsome in that moment and in drunk brain, I should kiss him. So I leant over and pecked his cheek.

He went off on me.

It turns out that it's ok to be gay, as long as you're gay for the right people. And the right people is anyone who isn't the person you're talking to. Cuz he turned to me and I saw a rage in his eyes that I knew meant whatever kinda friendship we'd formed over 5 years, it was dead in the water the moment I kissed him. He looked at me the same way he looked at all the other queers, same way he looked at Lake, with that "I don't mind gays but I wish they'd be a little quieter about it" face. And then he slogged me.

We scrapped. And at first I thought he was just being an idiot, cuz I was 15 and he was 17 and we were both teenage boys and we biffed sometimes. But after a few seconds he got on top of me and stopped pulling his punches, and I was trying to tell him to stop and that I was sorry and he didn't. He kept hitting me. And he called me a faggot, and a queer, and a freak, and that there was something wrong with me and he had to beat the faggotry outta me cuz I had a skull too thick for my own good and if he didn't teach me a lesson now I'd do it again and the next bloke might just kill me for it.

He gave me a good slog to the side of the head and rung my bell real good, and then he kicked me in the stomach and got on his horse and rode back to the station. I laid there maybe ten minutes trying to breathe through all the blood in my nose and making sure he didn't knock any teeth out. That was the first time I really genuinely got a bashing.

I never talked to him again. I saw him once on station, and tried to talk to him and apologise, but he just walked away. I stopped visiting the station after that.

I made friends with Lake. We both went to Catholic school, so he got picked on a lot for being gay. But he never let it get him down. And I started standing up for him when I saw kids treat him like shit. Because he was my friend, and he was one of the Good Ones™. But deep down I envied him. I wanted to be him. I wanted to be able to walk with my chin high and strut like a fucken peacock knowing I'm hot shit and that nobody could touch me. But internalised homophobia is a hell of a thing, and deep down I also knew I'd never be like him. Because my issue isn't just me being attracted to men, but also being intersex and a dozen other different little things. But to Lake, that didn't matter. To Lake I was cut of the same cloth. We were confidants.

Eventually with time I realised that there's no such thing as "one of the Good Ones™." Being attracted to someone the same sex or gender as you isn't a fault. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. But I still hid it. I wasn't brave enough to be open about it, I was scared of judgement, I was scared of punishment for something I couldn't control, so I kept it a secret.

The third person I told was my girlfriend. She took it in stride. I thought she was afraid that I'd made her my beard when I was definitely attracted to her too, but she was actually the one who explained bisexuality to me. And everything clicked. But she was also aware that I was squashing down my attraction to men because I was afraid, so she made me watch Brokeback Mountain, and that's actually how I ended up genuinely coming to terms with my sexuality. I didn't want to be so afraid of loving that I'd never loved at all.

I never acted on my attraction, cuz I'm a loyal bastard, but when she and I split I stopped trying to hide what I am. I am a man who happens to be attracted to men. I am also attracted to women. And that's ok. That's not something to be ashamed of, it's not something I need to hide, it's not something I have to keep secret.

I'll never be the loudly out gay man. I'll never be the loudly out bisexual. I don't wear pride pins, I don't flaunt my sexuality, I don't wear rainbows. If anyone looked at me they wouldn't assume I like men, let alone immediately know.

I'll never be like Lake. But I don't have to be like Lake. I just have to be me. And through talking about my experiences, maybe some other young man who's in the same shoes I used to be in will look at me and realise that all he has to be is himself. And if that man likes men, then so be it.

[heathtrash]

When you're working on TWW fanfic, how do you get like new inspiration or even just the motivation to keep going?

(p.s. thank you for keeping the fandom alive!!)

inspiration/ideas are something i almost never have a problem with. i come up with new scenarios for these gays almost constantly and it's everything in me to not just constantly begin new wips and crossovers and aus that have never been explored! and there's so much media to draw from with tww with all eight books, the shows, the movie, the spinoffs - idk but even like vanilla 2017 or 1998 stuff is always giving me life, maybe because i'm an insatiable multishipper with no chill and an adoration of rarepairs.

i also make sure i "read around" tww. i watch things or listen to audiobooks with a related genre or vibe, especially if i'm exploring au or want to go for a specific tone. keeping your brain active and making connections like this helps so much with inspiration and plot. it's like going on a silly little mental health walk, but instead of nature or whatever, you're opening your brain up to new possibilities. even something completely unrelated can spark something! it makes the worlds you write feel a bit richer as you're writing them.

motivation is something different, because i struggle with a lot of self-confidence in my own writing (lol, cptsd. i'm in therapy). comments on my works do really help with that. but these days people seem to feel weird about leaving comments on works that aren't like a week old??? bruh people still talk about books that are decades or centuries old. and we have some lovely people still in the fandom who are willing to read some of my work, and that is amazing to me!!

but of course, there are fics i've started that i am not sure will ever see the light of day because i feel like they're not good enough, or works that i've put up that very few people were interested in (rip to pippa university years my beloved. never escaped single digits on the kudos for 10k of fic). those embarrassments and failures hold me back so much because they confirm my own negative thoughts about my writing and make me not want to put my energy into this. i have a full plan of chapter 13 of a clock with no hands, but i keep giving myself imposter syndrome over my ability to write it well enough. idk. rationally, i know that the types of story i write are sometimes not what people want to read. i think it's important to talk about (please i am NOT fishing) because i'm sure there are many people who feel the same way. some people even look up to me as a writer?? but i cannot emphasise enough that it's a miracle that anything goes online with my mental health being how it is.

anyway, enough about me! mostly i try to think primarily of the fandom and what's best for us right now. that's why i'm running the drabble exchange, which i think will be a really fun way to get little sparks of inspiration going for everyone, as well as hopefully providing a chance for new writers to dip their toe into whatever ship they like! please sign up to join in - this is the last weekend before i close sign-ups!

i'm certainly not solely responsible for keeping the fandom alive though!!! there are some incredible artists who are doing a much better job of that than me with the recent influx of art - as well as all those who are writing new fics that are providing after the slump we had with the conclusion of the 2017 series. it was really hard to recover the fandom after s3, and i know i've had a small part to play in that with the twitter group chat evolving into reviving the discord. but i couldn't have done any of that if no one else was around to join in!

(also side note - general invitation extended to anyone who wants to join the discord!)

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

Doctor Who, but Chronologically: 44

The second half of a two-parter! And in a sensible order, which in this project, is not to be sneezed at.

So, Matt Smith, Amy, Rory and River, in America AGAIN (is this the third time of going to New York? The fourth?). Last we saw, Amy was shooting a terrified child through the head. Let's see how that resolves!

We open with one of those classic Moffat openings, where everything is slick and fast moving and tries to pull the wool over your eyes before a quick pull-back-and-reveal but regrettably has a few plot holes. Only minor, though, it's not bad. Amy, Rory and River are all on the run being hunted by Sterling-From-Leverage while they build a prison around the Doctor. He "shoots" all of them and then takes them to the prison, but it's a magic special prison that doesn't allow any particles of anything in or out (presumably including air) so they're safe from the penis-fingered aliens and off they go in an invisible TARDIS. Eh. It's fun.

Then there's about 15 minutes of classic horror as they try to track down the little girl (it's River) in an abandoned children's home to find out who she is (it's River) because she's Presumably Important (we literally know this it's River). They're all given a lil' recorder in their palms so when they see a penis-fingered alien they can record into it, and it will flash to let them know they have a message when they look away. They also draw tally marks on themselves so they know when they've seen one. These two things mean lots of creepy shots that are fucking great - I know I often shit all over this era of the show, but the jumpscares and the scary stuff are great.

The only problem really is that the characters are required to be a bit stupid and useless to maximise the horror. There's a GREAT scene where Amy is exploring an abandoned dormitory in the orphanage by torchlight (she looks out the window and we see her reflection, and then there's lightning and her face and hands are now covered in tally marks, fucking FANTASTIC), and the door closes and locks... somehow. Unexplained. Anyway, she suddenly realises her palm is flashing and the message is "I can see them! But I think they're asleep! Just get out!"

Useless. You see them WHERE Amy. WHERE are they. Turns out they're on the ceiling. That would have been useful to know. FFS.

Anyway Amy sees the eyepatch hatch lady again, and then gets kidnapped by penis-fingered aliens. Sterling shoots a penis-fingered alien and takes it back to the prison to film it, and we get a name for them - the Silents. Silents! An answer! We've heard of them. The rest spend a while looking at the space suit the little girl (River) was in. The Doctor claims the Silents steered the development of humans because "Why does humanity suddenly decide to go to the moon?" as if there isn't a long-attested record of humans wanting to go to the stars tracking back to the ancient world, but look - we can't expect the writer of a sci-fi show about history to waste his time knowing things about history.

Also, they've already been to the moon at this point. We've seen Victorians on Mars, with Capaldi and Bill. Lol, this show. How funny that it forgot that little detail that only came a few episodes ago in this watch order. Trololol.

Rory listens to Amy's recorder, which was removed from her palm but is inexplicably still broadcasting everything she says in spite of being nowhere near her. She says some deeply tedious things about wanting to see him BUT WHICH ONE IS SHE TALKING TO it is honestly the most boring thing I've seen on television in a while. "You have a stupid face," she says. Rory looks happy. "My life was so boring before you dropped out of the sky", she says. Rory looks sad.

And then! Interesting!

The Doctor sits next to him.

"Do you remember spending 2000 years as a Roman waiting for Amy?" he says.

"Sometimes but I try not to," Rory says, which is fair.

But interesting! We've had that mentioned before. Is Rory still plastic, then? Must be, he was plastic as a Roman. It wouldn't make any sense whatsoever if he was now human but remembered his plastic memories, after all. Still plastic! Gosh.

Anyway, Sterling gets the Silent he shot to say the sentence "You should kill us all on sight," which he duly videos and sends to the Doctor. The Doctor interrupts the moon landing to play it, which fair play, actually is quite a clever and pleasing way to get rid of the Silents - we won't remember it because it features a Silent, humans then kill them all but don't remember doing it... it's all meta, look. I could have killed one just today. On my way to work, like. Pushed it in the Tawe. Who knows? Fun.

They rescue Amy.

"I didn't know if you meant me or the Doctor," says Rory.

"Obviously you," says Amy. "Why would I mean him?"

"Because you said he "dropped out of the sky"," Rory says

"It's a figure of speech, you dribbling imbecile," mocks Amy.

It's not. There's no such expression. And if there were, I struggle to see how you would apply it to Rory, a man you have known for literally your entire life, apparently. "My life was so boring between the ages of birth and three until you came along" bitch how the fuck do you remember

Anyway it turns out she's NOT pregnant, but the Doctor scans her again and it's inconclusive, which... lol that is the only mystery in this episode, actually. We know all the rest! Amy will have baby Melody who will be the child in the space suit who will regenerate into Mels who will become River who will kill the Doctor. The ONLY part of this storyline we haven't yet seen resolved is why the pregnancy scan is inconclusive. This episode is Badly Served by this watch order.

It finishes with the child regenerating into Mels. This is just as well, because the Doctor decides out loud that he's not going to bother trying to rescue the terrified abused little girl he's been seeing because he wants to have an adventure instead, and so quite literally and without hyperbole abandons her to die on the streets.

Oh and Sterling turns out to be gay and dating a black guy.

Plot threads! Let's update the board!

“She” (an unknown person) is returning (perhaps River returned as Missy. Maybe Me? Maybe Clara???!)

There is something on Donna’s back

An entire planet, Pyrovilia, just… disappeared, somehow. (Maybe because the TARDIS is exploding??? Saturnine was also lost, and that WAS because of the TARDIS exploding. The lion man’s planet was also lost but he was a bit of a knob about it if I’m honest. The Thijarian planet was destroyed by some sort of impact). Is this the Flux?

Amy is maybe dead (she’s not)

The Doctor has been cubed (he’s out, but how?)

River is possibly blown up  (unless she’s Missy. Nope: she is definitely not blown up)

The TARDIS has blown up  (It’s fine now. Except it’s sort of melting now because it’s corrupted, but it’s fine again. NOPE, back to not working.)

The universe appears to have ended  (the universe is back again)

The Doctor has employed(?) Nardole

(And Nardole was “reassembled???” Nardole had glass nipples and invisible hair?? WHAT THE FUCK IS HE)

There’s a vault in the TARDIS and it contains Missy but we don’t know why (sometimes she knocks for the bants)

There’s an immortal Viking girl now. Her name is Me and she’s now looking after the people the Doctor abandons

Why was Rory entirely unconcerned by the entire world suddenly going silent when that is Not Normal and should have been, at the very least, extremely disconcerting?

What did the Doctor do to Queen Lizzie One?

Why is Amy seeing a one-eyed woman in a vanishing window? (She’s with the Silents, but we don’t know why Amy saw her)

Why is Amy’s pregnancy inconclusive? (Maybe because the baby had Time Lord DNA?) She’s deffo pregnant and the baby becomes River, but why inconclusive?

Who is Sarah-Jane Smith?

How is the Doctor Bill’s teacher and why/where does he have an office?

What is going on with the Cyber War and the Cyberium???

What happened with the Other Cyber War?

What happened with the Third War that deleted the void?

Why does Rose seem particularly important?

What order do these Doctors go in? (Eccleston, Tennant, uncertain, Smith, Capaldi, Whittaker)

Which companion just… forgot the Doctor, and how?

Yaz and Vinder are about to die as Mori/Mwri/Muuri (Not anymore, somehow)

There is a Lupari shield around Earth.

What’s a Time War?

What’s the Rift?

What’s Bad Wolf?

In which war did the Doctor become a war criminal, and how?

Who is the Master?

Why has Amy forgotten Rory? How did she forget a Dalek invasion?

Is Rory plastic or not? NEW INFO: Yeah, must be, he couldn't possibly remember being plastic otherwise

Why is the Doctor sulking on a cloud?

How exactly does the Doctor have a cloud?

What exactly happened with Strax to, uh, tame him?

Which friend killed Strax?

Which friend brought Strax back?

Where did this lesbian lizard and human couple come from?

What happened with Clara as Souffle Girl and the Daleks?

How does Clara actually join?

Why so many Claras?

Why is Missy apparently in robo-heaven?

Why is probably!Missy pushing Clara and the Doctor together?

What is Trensilor and what happened there?

Who is Handles?

The Doctor is about to be dissolved by a beautiful geode man

The universe is being crushed by the Flux

Will the Doctor open the fobwatch?

Sontarans are invading Earth again

Who is Kate?

Who is Osgood? Another name of Clara’s again?

The fuck is the deal with the Grand Serpent

Does Martha get to go to an ice cream planet with 12-fingered massage aliens?

How did the Doctor forget Clara?

Who is Bill’s puddle girlfriend Heather?

How did Nardole die?

When does Bill get Cyberman-ed and die?

When does the Doctor shrink and enter a Dalek called Rusty?

Whittaker is falling to her death rn

Was that ring relevant?

Does anyone know the Doctor’s name?

When did Yaz talk to Dan about fancying the Doctor?

When did Dan talk to the Doctor about fancying Yaz?

What’s happening with the bees?

What happened with Donna’s ex and a giant spider?

What war wiped out the Daleks, and is it one of the ones already mentioned?

What did the Doctor mean when he said “The (Daleks) always live, while I lose everything?”

If Dalek Caan is the last Dalek left why are there more now?

How did the rest of the Time Lords die?

How and why did Amy melt?

What’s the question that will make silence fall?

Why do the Silents… want silence to fall?

How and why are Silents at war with the Doctor when he… hasn’t even heard of them?

How does Hitler get out of the cupboard?

What’s the significance of fish fingers and custard?

Why does the Doctor feel guilt about Rose, Martha and Donna?

What happened with the space whale?

When does Rory defend Amy for 2000 years? NEW INFO: since Roman times, it seems

How does the Doctor survive River? He doesn’t, apparently

How does he erase himself from history

Did Captain Jack lose his memories to the same people as the Doctor? What did he lose?

When did the Doctor send the Daleks into a void to save the universe?

What’s with the weird crack in the wall and is it affecting memories?

Why do Amy and Rory think the Doctor is dead? Is it because of River as an astronaut?

Is Matt Smith’s Doctor a tree racist?

Why is the beautiful geode woman stealing people into a Passenger form?

Who are the penis fingered aliens? RESOLVED: The Silents!

River says she’ll die one day when the Doctor doesn’t remember her, let’s hope she doesn’t mean it

[aspens-dragons]

heya!!

hey hey hey! i'm not like super into purple tbh but also like it's the closest to my current like little streak soooo yk how it is lol

================================================

Hey! My name's Aspen (he/him 👍) and I'm a junior at Naranja-Uva Academy! (i'm typing this with like proper grammar and all that cause like readability lmfao but that isn't how i normally type unless its like an essay or something) Right now I'm in the STEM track with a primary focus in veterinary sciences and a secondary focus in battle studies. And I'm vice-captain of our Cyclizar racing team! If you haven't noticed by now, I like Dragon-types. I really like Dragon-types :D

Other than my Cyclizar (her name's Spitfire!) I have two Pokemon, my Alolan Raichu (named Chip) and my Dreepy (named Zeppelin). AND in addition to those three, I have five other Pokemon, but they're kinda retired and live in Alola with my parents, but they're Pebble (Lycanroc), Jitters (Golisopod), Chloro (Lurantis), Grampy (Drampa) and Hibiscus (Kommo-o). I call Chip and those five the Big Six, 'cause they're the Pokemon I used while on my Island Challenge.

Speaking of my Island Challenge though, I was born in Nimbasa City, but I moved to Alola when I was... I wanna say maybe two or three? I dunno, I don't remember the moving part. Also, I've got an older brother and a baby sister.

Anyway, I've talked a lot, but I think that's just about it! See ya around :D

OOC under the cut!

Things to know!

Last updated: 09/03/2024

Hey, welcome!! Likes and follows come from @aster-pkmn-irl-real!

Current Arc(s): Victory Road (on pause)

Mod and muse are both minors! Please be mindful of that when interacting. This means no NSFW. The occasional dick joke is fine, but keep it PG-13.

Aspen exists in a timeline shortly after the events of Scarlet and Violet. He knows very little about what occurred during The Way Home.

Sentient Pokemon, eeby deebys, slow eeby deebys, chosens, legendaries, etc. are all welcome to interact, though Aspen may be skeptical about eeby deebys, legendaries, chosens, and evil teams!

Pelipper Mail/Malice, Musharna Mail/Malice, and Magic Anons are OFF.

Other than the rules above, feel free to send in asks :D

All posts prior to 06/05/2024 are not canon to this blog.

Regarding the above point! For some context, Aspen has actually existed for over a year at this point, and has had a blog just as long. I was originally using him on the blog this post was made on. In February (2024) I decided to create a main blog that I would use Aspen on instead, but in the past few months, I've been feeling kind of stuck about Aspen and it just hasn't been fun to RP as him. As a result, I've soft rebooted this blog (and a few blogs connected to him have also been soft rebooted for similar reasons). If you knew Aspen before this reboot, please be mindful of that fact that since he's been rebooted multiple aspects of his lore and backstory have changed and might continue to change over the course of this blog. This is why all posts from before June 5th are no longer considered canon to this blog!

Aspen's older brother might show up on the blog sometimes, so look out for that!

Aspen has a RotomPhone named Lithium, who will be talking with orange text!

Tags!

#clanging scales ⇌ posts or reblogs from Aspen (where he has something to add)!

#dragon dance ⇌ reblogs from Aspen (without anything added)!

#breaking swipe ⇌ answered asks from Aspen!

#devastating drake ⇌ Aspen-centric angst!

#wormhole link ⇌ off screen posts!

#fickle beam ⇌ posts to pay attention to! these might provide clues or foreshadowing!! Here is a link to all the #fickle beam posts in chronological order!

#blind spot ⇌ posts that cannot be seen by certain blogs connected to this one, those being @jaimemes, @espers-n-espurrs, @yveltalreal, @vulgrados-best, @rock-n-rolycoly, @estranger-and-stranger-still @victoria-vd. only one or two characters cannot see the post, the character name will be tagged as well (ex. #blind spot: jaime would signify that jaime cannot see that post). everyone else, regardless of if they’re an anon or a blog, will be able to interact and comment.

#ft. suriya ⇌ Anything and everything from Aspen's brother!

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#Da Beast ⇌ posts mentioning/about the New Client (see #Patchwork Sanctuary)

Posts pertaining to certain arcs (for example, 'The Schedule Switcheroo' and 'Patchwork Sanctuary'. ) will be tagged with the name of the arc. Here is a link to a post with descriptions of each arc!

[jhynka]

- aib boys as pokemon trainers

characters: chishiya, niragi, and arisu

genre: headcannons, fluff

synopsis: how the aib boys would be as trainers

cw: mentions of death, unedited

an: My brother's been watching pokemon masters again and I've been replaying shield and let's go so why not make a crossover? anyway, depending on how this goes and if people like this concept, i will be making one for the girls! happy reading!

SHUNTARO CHISHIYA

Psychic and Ice type trainer

His starter pokemon is obviously a Froakie, now an over powered Greninja

His team consists of Greninja, Espeon, Vanillux, Frillish (who he sometimes switches out with Solosis), a Galarian Meowth, and a mighty Kadabra.

He completed two of his Pokedexes in his first 3 years of being a trainer.

Treats his pokemon team like a sports team. he’s the coach and he trains his pokemon to be the best.

One day, he last the Pokeball containing Espeon when it was still an Eevee, he retraced his steps so far that he ended up getting lost in a forest. When he found the Pokeball, Team Rocket was already there, trying to take his Eevee. He fought them so hard that even though he got a few injuries, nevertheless he won. Letting his Eevee out, he celebrated internally, and little did he know, the Eevee was two seconds away from evolving.

Even though Greninja was his starter, his little Espeon will always be his favorite.

SUGURU NIRAGI

Fire type trainer (oops)

The team he built contains Torracat, Charizard (evolves into the Y form to be specific), Cinderace, Blaziken, Litleo, and Houndoom

Keeping things simple, he only catches fire type pokemon with a dash of fighting types.

He has huge respect for his pokemon, they're the ones fighting, not him. When they are all out of their Pokeballs, he treats them like his best friends and always takes care of them.

When in battle, he makes sure to always burn his opponent on the first move.

HATES grass-type trainers and grass-type pokemon in general. He thinks of them as useless since they're weak against most types.

His amazing pokemon story as a trainer would be when he first got his Litten in high school. The Litten he received HATED him at first. Every time he would try and train it, it would always end up with him having cat scratches all over him. It was only until his bullies at school approached him with their pokemon and tried t attack him. The Pokeball in his pocket opened by itself revealing the Litten, and Fire Fang’ed those kids back to their mommies.

from then on. he realized the problem was the Pokeball, and that he can't just be too bossy over the Litten, since it had a mind of its own as well. Every night after that, he would sleep next to the Litten like his very own companion throughout his journey.

RYOHEI ARISU

Fighting and Electric type trainer

his team has Gallade, Lucario, Luxio, Pancham, Togedemaru, and Marshadow

As the dedicated trainer he is, he’s completed 4 of his Pokedexes in just a year of training. It was mostly because he loved to collect regular pokemon and always trained them to get their evolutions instead of catching an already evolved pokemon.

Treats his pokemon like his pets, always handing out treats, playing and buying them new toys, and eating with them.

He always battles with a balance of fun and strategy. He loves to knock out the opponent on the first move, and when they switch out their pokemon, he paralyzes them.

Never uses a normal Pokeball due to his laziness, even though he’s broke, he will never buy a Pokeball. Rest assured that he’s stocked up on Great and Luxury balls.

Talking about being stocked up, he has EVERYTHING. when I say everything I mean it. He often goes away from the city for a long time to collect new pokemon. Potions, poke dolls, repellents, you name it he has it.

His Bulbasaur that he received as he started died due to some failure in its organs. That death was something instead of being grieved too much, took it as a lesson in life on how every living thing could die at any moment. He used this lesson to always spend time with the people he loves and makes sure that all his pokemon know how much he loves each and one of them, no matter how many times they fail in battle, his pokemon will always be his best friends no matter what.

[cttrajan1206]

hi!! im here to ask about your ocs!!

first of all i would like to say PLEASE read the shadows house manga if you werent planning on it already...! youll get so much more that wasnt offered in the anime since it cuts off at season 2 , its just so good.. SO GOOD ok. ok

about astral and anjem!

i know you said you dont have all the details worked out so its ok if you dont have an answer to any of this atm!

could you talk a bit more about their dynamic/relationship, if you have anything else you wanna say?

what are their goals in the house? are they pursuing roles within relief team, starbearers, etc? are they wanting to get invited?

how good is astral at controlling his soot power? do you think its likely any of his experimenting on anjem could go wrong + how would he react, would he be able to fix it?

love ur ocs :}

WAAA HELLO?? i never original post ever so i was really surprised and excited when you reblogged it saying you'd read it later - AND NOW IN MY INBOX TOO? WAAAA.... >O<

But waa ok ok so! Funny enough, @tsukiomoon was over at my house and convinced me to read Shadow House (having watched the anime) while we were at a bookstore. I'd already glanced at it a few times over the years so I was. Very easy to convince tbh djdhfjf So I actually began with reading the first two volumes!! Then after that, I was thoroughly hooked so we proceeded to binge the entirety of it together in two days. That said, I'd love to read the manga. I'm debating on it because the official translation -> scanlation currency exchange is not in my favour ToT but I think I like it enough to bear through it, the anime missed a few scenes from even just the first two volumes after all.

Onto the ocs!!

Dynamic/relationship: This is a fun one. I've mentioned they both very much love each other already, I think at first they're both very superficial about it and build up versions of each other in their head (Astral even moreso having known longer). It gets deeper as time goes on but Astral isn't obssessed with Anjem just as a person, but also for his quality of being human. Anjem is similar likewise but there's a mighty power imbalance there.

Astral is actually also a special shade! He remembers before morphing. He's probably the worst one to do so though because he doesn't really care about the Shadow House - not when it gives him license to not only have Anjem to himself, but also such close access to humans. To him, the memories just give him a clearer understanding if the Faces' limits. He gets very annoyed with seeing others treat their living dolls badly and will pick fights about it or ask Anjem to give them recompensary gifts to them.

Anjem I'm less clear on... He's bad at cleaning but Astral doesn't mind particularly (and also doesnt produce enough soot for it to be a problem). The rigid structure of his life gives him comfort in its reliability but he does often long for some of the luxuries Shades get. Like nice clothes and better food. He doesn't like coffee though haha. I don't think either of them ever realise the brainwashing thing bc Anjem's too picky and never fully swallows the coffee anyway, sometimes vomiting it out. He still gets the effects partially though

Goals: I think Astral does want to escape the House eventually - he doesn't care too much for getting everyone else out, he just wants to find more and more humans and learn everything he can about them. Anjem I haven't decided too much yet. He knows Astral's goal and wants to be there with him to see it too, to travel the world, but I think he'd be scared of taking that step.

I think he wants to see his siblings again, one last time

Roles: Oop... Astral's power is very good for healing wounds so technically the relief team would be good for him but I personally wouldn't put him in a room with so many humans in it XD He keeps his power very downlow but regardless, I think he'd have made his way into the relief team. He's their bigger advocate on training to treat dolls better.

Anjem wanted to be in the research team instead but, as a Face, he has to tag along and look pretty

Power: At first Astral was pretty bad at controlling his power. He doesn't have blood himself after all, it was very unknown territory. In fact, the only way he Did grow better at it was When his experiments on Anjem failed. They could be very dangerous failures too, in case his soot clogged a vein or he clotted uo the wrong part or forced it to produce too much blood. In his panic to fix it, he tended to reflexively reverse whatever he'd done and so far, though there have been catastrophes, Anjem hasn't died. There was a time when Astral stopped his heart but that's whatever, he's immensely better at controlling them now. He doesn't frequent the training room (especially since his powers require blood), but instead has perfected his powers through practice in his room. He does also keep a few vials of blood he requests from the relief team that uses to practice with at times.

He prefers it best when it's with Anjem though :)

There was once, when the brainwashing had worn off more, where Astral fucked up. In attempting to heal a wound on Anjem's wrist, he accidentally sped up the production of the blood and it poured everywhere, spilling out faster than healthy. Anjem, wide eyed and afraid that this time, he was going to die, scrambled away from him screaming. He tried to run away but the pain was blinding him so much he could barely concentrate. Nothing Astral said could convinve him to calm down, and the last thing he saw before passing out was Astral roughly grabbing at his arm.

Astral was able to stop the blood, working with this as an experiment to control his area of effect, and sealed the wound. He bandaged it up and treated it with care, pressing a careful kiss of regret on the bandage and on Anjem's hand, the black mark staining his skin.

Anjem woke later in his box. He was afraid and angry and upset. He didn't talk to Astral for a full week, only interacting with him as a Face. Astral was heartbroken by this and apologised many times. They made up finally, after Astral stopped him from cleaning and held his hands, about to apologise again, when suddenly Anjem lifted the shade's hands and pressed a kiss to each.

"I'm tired of this. I miss speaking with you. I forgive you, so stop apologising every time I enter a room."

That mended things but going forward, Astral started getting external vials until he was better at his control.

Tidbits!

Astral likes his name but also wants to be separate from it. In private, he asks Anjem to call him "Aster" as a similar compromise. Anjem means "star" in arabic - he named his Face to match the name he preferred :)

Anjem is mostly good at reading Astral's emotions but they have a system of handsignals and body language to indicate the faces they want to make.

I've been thinking on them and their age awhile. I hadn't noticed when I made them that adults get finer clothes than the chikdren but I refuse ti change my design, I'm attached </3 I think they're similar to Barbara and Maryrose - old but still in the children's wing by virtue of not being given an invitation

This is partly due to Anjem's scar but mostly due to Astral's refusal to be useful outside of the bare minimum (this is not a noble thing, he's lowkey just lazy)

Oh my god I wrote a lot sdjbhf

Yeah!! That's them! That's my boys. I'm thinking of making a couple more too - I want to explore the idea of someone using their Face to hide disguise their real emotions

Thank you so much for asking 😭 it means the world to me and got me to think about them more

As an extra, have a doodle of Anjem's second sight of Astral:

[malk1ns]

Fic writer asks: 5, 18, 25!

<3

fic writer asks here!

5. What’s a fic idea you’ve had that you will never write?

never say never, of course, but i may not write this one simply because dealing with gender in a way that relates so closely to my own experience is not something i feel up to doing at this moment....but, i had an idea about a girl sid-boy geno fic that is a little...i guess maybe off-theme from what a lot of people who do rule 63 in this fandom do? i had a thought about a girl sid who reacts to being almost always the only woman in a male space by going hyper-feminine—she doesn't try to be one of the boys, she doesn't try to act or dress more androgynously. her defense mechanism is the exact opposite. you will never catch her doing press without her hair done and her makeup flawless. she speaks softly and politely and maybe even pitches her voice up a bit from what she 'really' sounds like. she dates, and they're all stereotypical manly men, but never involved in hockey in any way, because perception is everything. in this fic, she has an A, but it's pretty clear the organization did that as a token thing. the team knows she's the real captain, though. how does a geno who's desperately in love with her and is wearing 'her' captaincy manage that? how do they fall in love?

my issue with writing this is because i use m/m fic to deal with my own relationship to gender, but at a safe distance—it's why i do a lot of omegaverse. i'm a very tall, not-skinny woman, and i have a low voice, and my defense mechanism for years has been to try and shrink myself and be as girly as possible in public to counteract the non-feminine parts of how i look and act. i understand that there's been some discussion in fandom recently about feminizing certain characters, but writing characters in certain ways can do a lot to work through your own issues at a remove that doesn't hurt, or feel weird. i'm not sure when, if ever, i'll be able to confront that more directly and write about it in this fashion. i think it could be really fun, though!

18. What’s one of your favorite lines you’ve written in a fic?

i love all the lines i've ever written because i'm my own biggest fan, but something i wrote that i'm particularly proud of right now is this one, from this fic:

“I like you better now,” Sid says, bringing a hand up to cup Geno’s jaw, studying his face, the creases around his eyes and mouth, the hairline that’s higher this year than it’s ever been despite Geno’s best efforts, the silver in his sideburns. It’s a face that’s at once familiar and strange, because Sid’s known this face since he was 19, but looking at Geno now, at how he’s changed and softened with age, sometimes strikes Sid painfully, deep in his heart.

i've been thinking a lot about aging recently, and the joy of getting older with people you know. it's a privilege. and i have some lifelong friends, along with my family, and over the last few months i've been thinking about how when i look at these people who i've known since infancy i don't really see what they look like now...i see what they look like in my heart, which is sort of an amalgamation of all the ways they looked in their youth and young adulthood. but sometimes, when i'm talking to someone, it's almost like a mini out-of-body experience, and i see them how they look now, with all the marks of aging that they have—wrinkles, gray hair, weight gain, whatever it is—and it's like- oh wow, this person is almost a stranger to me, because i see them the way i did when i first met and loved them. i am sure this is a very common experience, but it's startling every time, seeing and recognizing that my own perception is so colored by how i feel about someone and the length and duration of our relationship that it can literally alter what they look like to me.

it's kind of beautiful, to have people like that in my life. and getting old together is a gift. but it's also strange, and poignant, and powerful to have happen. anyway, i did my best to capture that sensation with that paragraph, and i think i did a decent job with it.

25. Have you ever upset yourself with your own writing?

this whole ficlet sort of upset me.

[thr4shit]

Venting under cut because I feel bad at the moment.

(Understatement of the fucking century right there, bitch.)

I'm tired.

I'm lonely.

I feel like shit.

I want to talk to people.

But at the same time don't want to deal with conversations.

Being in a state of contradictory existence fucking sucks.

My mental health has been absolute bullshit for the past like... almost two full weeks.

(I've had like 7 or so breakdowns/episodes in the course of 8 days, with some days having MULTIPLE. I got VIOLENT in some of them. I BRUISED MYSELF because I started slamming my fist into my forearm because I felt like I was bullshit and deserved to feel pain. It barely fucking hurt, and I was hitting full force... I was LAUGHING, CRYING, SMILING, and SCREAMING all at once as I did that. I was ecstatic, and sad, and happy and enraged all at fucking once on rapid fucking shuffle with no breaks or warnings. In another case I had in depth plans to TRACK DOWN AND HURT people who were annoying me. They've been so much worse than they've ever been and it's just EPISODE after EPISODE and I don't get a fucking break and I'm so fucking tired afterwards. I hate it. I fucking hate it. I feel disgusting. I feel like I'm becoming a monster and I don't know how to stop it. I NORMALLY ONLY HAVE AT MOST 5 OR SO MAJOR EPISODES LIKE THIS A YEAR. AND INSTEAD NOW I'M JUST HAVING THEM OVER AND OVER AND OVER, AND OVER TINY BULLSHIT THAT I SHOULDN'T BE??? Like- YEAH, sometimes I'd get into one WITHOUT provocation, but those are RARER. They shouldn't be happening SEVERAL TIMES A WEEK???)

No one in my irl life seems to give a shit about trying to help me feel better.

(No one is an exaggeration, but VERY, VERY FEW)

Instead they do shit that makes me feel worse.

But I can't fucking say that because they're "good people" most of the fucking time.

They're just not helpful right now.

And it's not like I could be 100% open to them either!

I'd fucking scare them off!

I'd be alone ALL OVER AGAIN for the SAME REASON AS LAST TIME.

THE SIMPLE REASON OF "my mental health got bad again and I SCARE them now"

I CAN'T FUCKING EXPLAIN HOW MANY TIMES I'VE LOST EVERYONE BECAUSE OF THAT!

IT'S BULLSHIT.

But I also don't blame them??? I'd be scared of me too at times.

Jesus christ, I mean I fucking am. I'm always scared that I'm gonna go too far one time.

I can't handle people.

I can't handle friendships.

Maybe at this point I shouldn't have them.

I don't know how to properly reach out to professionals.

I don't want to because I don't want things to be more "wrong" with me than they already fucking are.

I don't want to reach out because then I'll be alone again.

But if I don't reach out I could end up alone again.

No matter what there's no good outcome.

This place is my only escape from it but now it's falling silent too.

I'm being drowned in silence again.

I'm getting to that point again where not even my fixes can give me joy and I don't see the point in TRYING to enjoy anything.

But, y'know. I'm not fucking depressed so I should be fine, right???

That whole "this too shall pass" bullshit???

Fun fact, it NEVER passes for me.

It's just always waiting to COME BACK.

I'm a fucking monster. And they're right.

They're all fucking right.

And I fucking hate it.

Nothing I have been diagnosed with explains this.

People always blame it on my executive dysfunction.

Even I did.

But at this point I'm not fucking sure.

At this point I'm starting to think I'm just a bad person.

At this point I'm willing to believe I'm the monster they think I am.

But oh fucking well. I have a new blog theme. So... yay...!

[l-e-morgan-author]

on mental health, autism and my life lately

Contentedly, Patience settled to her knitting, glad to have the hardest part of the day over. Now all she had to fight was complicated patterns, and cables that didn’t really want to work exactly how they were supposed to. Much easier than people.

*points* autism

Anyway this is. I originally put the rest of this in the tags and then I typed it up here again because no, it has to be part of the post, actually.

So two weeks ago I was completely convinced that I would die in a matter of days. By my own hand. I was severely suicidal, at an eight on the Emmengard scale, except for the frequent times it tipped up to nine. It was hell. I had a friend overseas who the entire year so far, I didn't think I'd see again because I would have killed myself before she got home. It was that bad.

And she's got home, and barring accident, I will see her again. I've been on the brink of suicide for more than two months, and now, that's changed. Truly I didn't realise how bad it was, really, until I was delivered from it.

This might seem completely separated from the original excerpt, but bear with me. I was realising just now that if I'd written Patience, Changing a year ago, it wouldn't be half so good. So far I'm up to 18k, and it's good. It has a lot of stuff to work on, of course, and I'm still distilling the true centre of it. It'll take a few drafts, but it's good. Patience is autistic, and I knew that a year ago. But I didn't know I was autistic, not then. Now, I understand myself a great deal more, and I understand her because of that. She's me, to some extent, including aspects of me that I didn't even realise were a thing until recently. Because I know me more, I now lean into the aspects in which we are similar, and relish the ones in which we're different. She has one good, close friend in a way I just don't have, not precisely like that. (Look, I love and cherish my friends, truly, but Patience and Nathan's friendship is just Different. And I certainly didn't have anyone like that at her age. Maybe if I had things would have been different for me.)

My heart is full of love today; I can't stop thinking, Patience, we made it. We both made it. We had patience (ha!) and we MADE it. We got here, and for now that's enough. I did an artwork once that was featured in my university's mental health exhibition, about how today is enough, sometimes.

Anyway, the reason I've been so much better (and written about 20k in the last week alone, unheard of for months because of severe depression) is anxiety medication. My doctor put me on medication for anxiety, as a last-ditch attempt before hospitalisation for suicide concern as well as self harm. They're highly addictive, and thus he doesn't want me on them for much longer, so I might be singing a different tune in a few days when he tells me to stop taking them or something, but even so. For now, this is enough. Sure, I'm still depressed. But barely. I've been on the line of severe/extremely severe for both depression and anxiety for ages, and whether it's the anxiety med alone or that it gives the antidepressant I've been on a while space to actually work, the difference is drastic.

So I'm drafting Patience, Changing. And having enormous fun. I'm planning all sorts of things. (Check my tumblr blog, @l-e-morgan-author for more fun and exciting things I get up to.) I'm even planning to hit 25k tomorrow on Patience, Changing, and I'm on 56k total draft for all the Patience things, including fluff prompts that will turn into a novella, and the existing novella The Patience of Hope.

So this might be a short-term thing, but guys. We made it. We made it. And I talked to my grandmother today about being autistic, and told her I think she's autistic, and she was fascinated by that, and was very autistic about it, and she asked all sorts of lovely questions.

And I debated something with someone who doesn't share my faith, and I failed in the debate because I didn't know enough to answer their arguments, but hey. That's okay.

That's okay. I'm okay. I'm planning for uni already. Gonna be a difficult semester, but even so. I'm excited for it. Excited! Something I haven't been, not really, for months and maybe years.

I leave you, then, with this excerpt from later on in the chapter:

You are whole, said the anonymous letter. You are whole, Patience, you are not broken.

this post was published on my blog, with minor edits.

Patience taglist:

@pilgrimsofworship

@stealingmyplaceinthesun

@noisette-tornade

@graycedelfin

@choasuqeen