#they're fun to talk to sometimes but i think over the last few years i've turned into their therapist friend.

[apocalypticdemon]

being friends with someone who constantly throws pity parties for themselves is fucking exhausting.

[lucy90712]

hello so I don't know if you're still taking kenan yildiz requests or requests at all but could you write something like enemies to lovers.

So kenan and reader are in the same friend group but they're complete opposites, kenan is extroverted and reader is introverted. So she kinda keeps her distance and she's away from him, this makes kenan think she doesn't like him so he just randomly starts being mean to her whenever they're together, to the point where she gets teary-eyed and tries to get away from him. And then he starts feeling guilty and tries to comfort here and they confess to one another. Anyways they actually like each other after the ice breaker and start dating.

"Girl you look so good come on we've got to go" my best friend Alice said 

"I feel like I look too different they're all going to mock me" I said 

"No one's going to mock you we're all friends plus you look amazing so even if they say something it's just because they're jealous of how stunning you look" she said dragging me out the apartment 

If I was worried about what the other girls thought her saying that would've been helpful but that's not what's on my mind. In fact I'm not worried about the group as a whole I'm worried about what Kenan will say. I've known Kenan for years as we have mutual friends which have now formed into one big friend group. He's the popular extrovert of the friend group the famous footballer he's the complete opposite of me I've never been one that likes to have loads of friends and talk to strangers on a whim. To begin with we got on just fine and by that I mean we didn't really talk but that was fine with me as we just wouldn't have anything in common but recently Kenan has started talking to me and by talking I mean mocking me. I don't know what I've done to him to make him act like that but it's made me not want to hang out with the whole group as I don't want to see him. 

Some of the things Kenan says really hurt he makes fun of the way I dress, the way I struggle to talk in front of everyone, the way I act and pretty much everything else about me. Everyone else seems to find it funny as they always laugh at what he says but they hurt to hear. I try and make it seem like it doesn't bother me but every time I come home after seeing everyone I always just sit in my bed and cry. It's pathetic really I should just find a new group of friends who don't enjoy listening to someone make fun of me but I don't know how to make friends and I don't want to be all alone I'm not one to have loads of friends but I need to have a few or else I’ll go crazy.  

Tonight might be different though it's supposed to be a birthday party for one of the other girls Sofia so none of the focus should be on me. There should also be some other people there too like Sofia's friends from class so I should be able to just hide out in a corner and go unnoticed most of the night. As long as I avoid Kenan I'll be fine and Alice has promised to help keep me away from him so I can enjoy my night too but sometimes he just pops up out of nowhere but hopefully that won't happen tonight. 

There are times that I can't believe I used to like Kenan. When I first met him after one of the guys brought him along to a hang out I thought he was so hot. I'd never been so attracted to a guy before mainly because I'd never talked to many different guys but Kenan instantly caught my eye. For months I admired him without really talking to him until my birthday when he wished me happy birthday even though I didn't think he even knew my birthday. After that I only liked him more but I knew that he'd never fall for someone like me he's very much an extrovert loves talking to people and I'm the complete opposite not to mention that he could literally have any girl he wanted. As I knew I'd never be able to be with Kenan I decided to keep my distance from him as then I couldn't embarrass myself that way and I could try and get over my feelings. My feelings lasted for a long time in fact they only really went away when Kenan started being so awful to me as it showed me he wasn't the person I thought he was. 

As I don't really drink I volunteered to drive to Kenan's house where the party is taking place as he has the biggest place in fact he's the only one who has a house the rest of us live at home or in small little apartments. There was nowhere to park so I let Alice get out while I drove around again and eventually I found a spot so I could make my own way inside. I had every opportunity to just leave right then but I forced myself to go in as I have to be there for my other friends. When I opened the door a few people looked over then I caught Kenan's eye which I was hoping he would just let slide but no I can't ever be that lucky. 

"Ooh look someone's got dressed up for tonight can’t be trying to impress a guy because that'll never happen" Kenan said loud enough for everyone to hear 

"Thats a good one man" one of the other guys said while laughing 

"I bet she's never even been on a date with a guy" Kenan added knowing I was still in earshot 

It hurt because he's right I've never been on a date because I can never get myself to talk to a guy let alone find one that likes me enough to want to go on a date with me. I tried not to let the pain show I just found a quiet corner to spend the rest of the party sat in. A quiet corner is exactly where I want to be all on my own to just sit and not talk to another soul it's not like any of them really care about me anyway. On my own no one can laugh at me and no one can call me a loner if no one notices me and I don't acknowledge them it makes life easier it makes nights like tonight easier. 

I found my quiet corner and stayed there on my own for ages until Alice found me and dragged me into the group of people so I could socialise but the extent of my socialising was wishing Sofia a happy birthday. Then I just looked at the floor as Kenan was stood across the room from me and I could feel his eyes on me and I didn't want to accidentally make eye contact with him I just can't take anymore mocking tonight. 

"Why do we still invite her to these things all she does is stand alone and say nothing a ghost would be better company" Kenan laughed 

"She balances the rest of us out we all talk a lot and she doesn't creates a balance" one of the others said 

That was it it was too much a person can only take so much and this was my limit. The tears started to fall and I just ran off probably making me look more crazy than they already thought I was. I didn't know where I was going I just had to get out of there but as I tried to open the gate someone put their hand on their arm to stop me. I looked at the hand and it definitely wasn't Alice which told me that it wasn't someone I wanted to talk to. 

"Let me go I need to go" I said 

"No I need to apologise" the voice I quickly recognised as Kenan's said 

"Sorry but you're the last person I want to talk to" I said 

"Please give me a chance to say sorry I really never meant to hurt you" he said 

"But you did and you have been for months every time I see you you say something hurtful and you don't think it bothers me but it does it hurts I know I don't fit in with the rest of you I don't need someone telling me every time I see you" I said turning around to face him 

"I do know that" he said 

"That makes it worse you knew you were hurting me and still did it" I said 

"I had a reason its stupid but I had a reason" Kenan said 

"Then tell me the reason you've made my life hell for months" I shouted for probably the first time ever 

"I like you and I have done for months I know it sounds stupid but I have feelings for you but you've always been so distant that I knew I could never have you so I thought if I said those things to hurt you then I would stop liking you or maybe you'd leave and I wouldn't have to see you across the room and admire you from a distance" Kenan admitted 

"You know I had feelings for you too until you started this little game of yours I kept my distance because I don't know how to talk to guys I've never flirted with a guy let alone been on a date and your a famous footballer in my head we'd never have worked you need someone who is more outgoing and someone who looks like a model or is a model I'm not who you want Kenan" I said 

"But that's the thing you are I've been with the outgoing model type and sure they're fun but they're really superficial there's nothing more under the surface whereas with you I know you actually have a personality I know everyone in there would tell me I'm crazy but I can just see that under the surface you're a really interesting person a person I want to get to know" he said 

"Wait you actually want to be with me?" I asked 

"Of course and I know I've messed up but if you can forgive me for making your life awful than I'd love to take you on a date" he said 

"As long as you promise not to mock me in front of everyone anymore I think I'd like to go on a date with you" I said 

"I will make it the best date ever I promise you" he said 

He put his hands on my face and wiped my tears before leaning down and pressing his lips to mine. The kiss was magical I felt like electricity was flowing through my body and the whole world around me felt empty. It was just me and Kenan in that moment and that made it perfect. I never wanted the kiss to end but of course it had to so we both pulled away and Kenan walked me back to my car so I could go home but before I left he put my number in his phone and promised to text me with details of our date which I'm very much looking forward to.

[utilitycaster]

What do you mean (from your latest post) that you think that many actual play failures are failures of ambition?

Usually, when an actual play show doesn't click for me, it's because the GM or players aimed very high or tried to push the boundaries (of the medium or system) and it didn't quite land right. It's a pretty new medium, and while I've been very openly disparaging of how much many writers in the AP space focus overmuch on novelty over consistent quality, I do think these failures are important! I think it's good to play with what the medium can be! I just think that sometimes, it does indeed fail.

Examples off the top of my head:

Too much plot for allotted length: EXU Prime was fun to watch but I think this plot really needed to be a 16-20 episode season, not an 8 episode one, which meant that we never really learned Myr'atta's motivation or the deal with Ted until years later in the real world despite that being the core plot. Similar issues have come up with various D20 seasons; I think running a one- or two- session story isn't too hard to do, or running a longform campaign isn't too hard to do, but 8 or 10 or 20 episodes can be really difficult to plan for properly, and a lot of people overfill.

Trying to bend the system too far: I wrote a long-ass post I cannot find about this for a few D20 seasons as well (notably Neverafter) and I've fallen off of WBN for a few reasons but in part because it really increasingly feels like D&D is the wrong system - the classes of D&D support the worldbuilding, but the pace and style and magic system of D&D increasingly feel like they and the narrative are in conflict.

Trying to fit in An Important Message: the infamous Rusty Quill Gaming Everything Changes [now make a monumental decision we have not once explored in 7 real world years of telling this story, in the last half of the last episode] is a big one here. This is not unique to AP (this is why Battlestar Galactica's ending is widely panned) but I think the nature of actual play makes it more likely because to some extent you as the GM must relinquish a good degree of control.

Not realizing what you need to plan for: ultimately, in my opinion, the failure of Campaign 3. I don't think the problem is that Matt wanted to bring everything together across multiple campaigns; I don't think this is a cheap setup with a pre-determined outcome (though I could be proven wrong); I think the problem is that there needed to be a much more stringent character creation process and on-rails early plot to actually get from point A to point B in a way that felt natural within the story.

Trying to break production value records while neglecting story: With the caveat that I hated nearly every second of the hour of Kollok I watched, I have yet to see a review that talks about anything it does other than how good the production values are (*whisper* they're not even that good). Burrow's End had some really good aesthetic/filming choices and some really not good ones on top of having a story I found weak; the season of Candela Obscura I thought had the strongest story had no split-screen film edits. This could just be that my AP introduction was TAZ Balance followed by simultaneous C1 and early C2, but like...I've heard incredible actual play with no music and no fancy lighting and no sound effects and no official character art, and I've watched some heavily produced stuff that had the plot of a fucking Ed Wood movie and was utterly joyless to boot. Story first; accessibility production values (clean and clear sound, transcripts, making all speakers visible if you're a filmed production) second; anything else should ONLY come after that.

[gffa]

This is a long rant and I apologise if this comes off as too much 😅 I just want to let you know that I'm SO GLAD you're part of the star wars fandom. You're one of the few reasons my interest in this franchise has survived despite the toxicness that it has seeped into everything the past few years. Yes, star wars fandom has always been pretty much a mess but I feel like these days it's somehow gotten even worse. And there isn't even anything coming out that could distract everyone from the constant drama.

Your blog and your posts about the books are always a breath of fresh air in all this. I really appreciate that you take time to make all these long canon references and share them with us. And that you actually engage with canon content! For some reason that seems to be a tall order for most 'fans' these days.

It's exhausting seeing the ice cold takes about the jedi be repeated over and over again by people who seem to have barely even watched the films, let alone read the random book they're referencing to show how the jedi are So Evil and failed poor anakin by Forcing him to let go of his Attachments so they definitely deserved to all get massacred down to the last child!!! And if you push back by citing literally anything canonical to show how ridiculous their takes are they reference a random obscure legends novel (that they are often twisting and also usually haven't even read) And if you point out that, no, Legends isn't canon (and never has been) and we could discuss it as its own separate thing instead of dragging it into canon discussions, they completely flip and say they don't care and to stop taking star wars so seriously 🙄 ( u can probably tell I've had some pretty frustrating fandom arguments recently lol)

It does feel like groundhog day sometimes with the same arguments being repeated over and over again to villainize the jedi while absolving the genocidal mass enslaving space fascists that are Very Clearly the Bad Guys. And it feels pretty much deliberate at this point when people misunderstand star wars' canon definition of attachment and project all their issues in their own lives with their christian upbringing onto the space monks... This has only been exacerbated by people like Headland jumping onto the franchise and doing this with fuckass disney's approval, so now the racist anti jedi youtubers have started attacking this new anti jedi show so if I defend the jedi I get lumped in with them *sigh*

Anyway, I just listened to Padawan's Pride because of your posts and it was fun and a much needed palate cleanser for me after the months of anti jedi takes. I also started reading your jedi citations project and it's gotten me back into reading some other of my favorite jedi fics and maybe writing some of my own. So tldr; Thank You!

Oh, anon, I hear you and I went through a lot of similar feelings over the last few months. In between a lot of IRL stuff coming up and the fandom getting incredibly weird about Jedi fans (soooo much projection going on that it started getting unsettling sometimes) and the same old constant beratement on my posts, I was thinking that I was just too tired to deal with any of it.

It did get hard some days because it felt like no matter how hard I tried to be friendly and make a point to say that everyone needed to be allowed their space whether we agreed or not, that I would still get words put in my mouth or my posts misinterpreted or accused of trying to shut down other people's conversations, when I've never even interacted with that person, I've never reblogged anything from them, never talked about them, just made my own posts about the Jedi on my own blog.

That aspect of how, if we write posts that cite Lucas quotes or moments from the movies and shows, we're taking things too seriously (or the super weird one of how we're trying to "force" people to have to take Lucas' commentary as a holy grail or whatever), then we're taking it too seriously is SO REAL, I have been through that SO MUCH. And it's like, no! Nobody has to take authorial intention into consideration! But if you're going to say that I ~missed the point~ of what Lucas intended with the movies, I'm going to break out the Lucas quotes to show that, no, I didn't miss the point. You're still not obligated to agree, but the point is that I'm not coming out of nowhere with my views and deriding me as not a ~true fan~ or whatever is asshole behavior.

And it's hard to have that groundhogs day feeling, especially because you don't necessarily want to spend that time getting into arguments with people--they are allowed their own space, if they want it! But if they're coming into our space, then yes we get to respond with an essay if we like. (And, hey, some of us genuinely like writing essays, it's satisfying!) But I've found the best mindset for me to have when arguing is: I'm not going to convince this person in front of me and that's fine, they're not going to convince me, either. But there are other people watching this discussion and they are seeing which one of us is being a pill and which one of us looks kinda fun to hang out with.

Which is my way of winding around to what I really want to say--I'm so glad that I can help you want to have fun in this corner of fandom! There's always going to be times to respond with sharp edges to Jedi-critical stuff (especially when it starts dipping into the racist, xenophobic, bigoted nonsense)(not all of Jedi criticism is this, but it does happen all too often), I don't blame Jedi fans for having their nerves scraped raw by people feeling absolutely free to treat our posts like public property instead of them coming into someone else's lane to make a mess. (I've met some very nice Jedi critical people, this isn't about them, this is about the assholes.)

But is it really worth being in a fandom where that's all we do anymore? We can't avoid the negativity, we can't avoid people being assholes to us, but we can work on making the content we want to see at the end of a long day when we get home and log onto the computer and want to see something that makes us feel joyful.

I hope I'm doing my part to make it fun to stick around the fandom, to want to read some of the books or some of the fic, I love the artists who are drawing the cutest Jedi art, I love the fic writers who are writing great Jedi-positive stories, I love people who make silly shitposts about how funny the Jedi fan be, I love people who cry over the deaths of their favorite Jedi, they help make the fandom worthwhile.

It really does make a huge difference, I think! Whenever I need that same palette cleanser, I just take a week or so to push aside all discourse (don't even go look), just pick up some of my favorite Jedi fics, just go looking for some of my favorite Jedi art, reread "Padawan" or "Padawan's Pride" or "Obi-Wan & Anakin" or "The Living Force" or "Dark Rendezvous" and just spend time thinking about the things I love about the Jedi in canon, thinking up headcanons about lineages or nerdy Jedi philosophy arguments or adrenaline junkies, and it helps create the space I want to be in.

Hearing that I can help you with that is a huge boost as well--I hope you know that it helps me in return to know that we can help build something together here in our corner of the Star Wars internet. We're in this together and we can cheer each other up with cute content and I am getting out the pom-poms for you to have fun with that fic! <3

[cybernetic-side-eye]

Hi Commander Wolffe (I remind myself you said that was okay.)

I'm sorry to bother you, and I know you probably won't even see this before my self-made mini-crisis is over, so don't worry about that. But I just wanted to try to distract myself a little bit. And I'm sorry, but you're the one I go to when I'm worried about my vision. (That'll teach you to be nice to me!)

And I'll say right off the bat I know you're not a doctor, and you don't know anything about eye/vision problems, especially in my universe, I'm just using you as a distraction (again, sorry.)

A few years ago I had surgeries to remove the floaters (the gray squiggly worm type) from both eyes. But after that I still had a black dot or two that would float through my vision sometimes. The kind that would make me think a gnat was flying around me or something like that. Not enough to bother my vision, just a little annoying.

I mentioned it to my doctors, and they all say there is nothing in my eye. They see no black dots anywhere. So they don't know what it is. I've asked 2 retinal specialists, a glaucoma specialist, an optometrist who monitors my pressures, and my optometrist who prescribes my glasses. They all say there is nothing there. The optometrist did say, "I've had other people tell me they have that, but we don't know what it is."

So I've just learned to live with it. I'd say it's half the time I see them, and they're easily ignored.

But today when I woke up there was a different one. Different shaped (more of a splotch than an actual dot) and a little bigger. And it seems to stay in the far right of my vision. It's big enough I thought it was a bug crawling on me at one point. But it's not BIG, just bigger than the others. And I see them today too.

I've been debating if I should go to the ER (since it's the weekend, no one is in any of my doctors' offices.) But I don't know if ERs even have ophthalmologists around or on call. And I don't know if a regular MD would know what to look for.

I'm probably not going to go. I haven't seen it for the last 5 minutes. Maybe it's fine. I'm sure it's fine. I just worry a lot.

So as a distraction, I wanted to ask if you had a story of a time with your brothers that brought you joy. You have the whole "grumpy" persona on display a lot, but I'm sure you have fun and enjoy stuff too. Especially with your brothers. And it could be when you were younger or now or anything.

Or if you don't have any stories you want to share, maybe just what some of your favorites are? Like color, weather, pastime, beverage?

Or maybe just what you're up to right now (at the time you see this, that is.)

As I said, I'm writing this to distract myself more than anything. Sorry to bother you, but thank you for making me feel comfortable enough that I was able to distract myself with writing this.

Take care,

Carol (@clonethirstingisreal)

You don't have to apologize for anything. I don't interact out of obligation and wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be. I know firsthand how scary it is when your eyes don't work correctly. To me, it sounds like you're taking some time to think through your options.

I know I can be a grump or come across as overly serious, but that's only because it takes me time to get comfortable in certain situations. I think it's a good time for a story, though. I think @capt-traitor would be fine with me sharing this.

Gregor and I were headed back to triple zero. A bunch of commandos ended up working with the 104th and it was a difficult campaign. While the battle was won, the damage to this one village was particularly awful and even though we got everyone to safety, we were all tired on the flight back. We were what you might call "tired drunk" and for whatever reason, Gregor decided to start talking about how we should get out more. The conversation essentially went like this:

Gregor: When was the last time you went dancing? Me: Never. Gregor: There's your problem! You need to get out more. Swing that kama around. Show the people what you're working with. Let off some steam! Me: I don't swing for just anyone. Gregor: I think you mean something else besides what that sounds like, but that's not important right now. Get up. Me: What? Gregor: Stand up.

Cue Gregor grabbing my hands, pulling me up, and holding me like we're about to waltz. I was too tired to argue, but that man can dance. First he led and hummed while teaching me some steps. Then he had me lead. I don't know where he learned it, but there was just something ridiculous and fun about learning to dance after a series of such long days. We turned on some music and - as Comet would say - we were vibing. Let lose, danced like we were at a club instead of attempting to be fancy, and certain that no one could hear us. At some point we waddled down to the mess in a sleepy daze, broke in without waking anyone up, and grabbed some barely edible ration bars.

Only, @commander-stabby had overheard everything because he was trying to sleep next door. He found us sitting on the floor of the mess kitchen, half-asleep, trying to find the energy to make caf. Gregor looked up at him and asked "You dance, commander?"

[eliotquillon]

as a change of pace from the time loop fic, would you write something fluffy? drabble or hcs.

getting the sense that i have been wreaking psychological havoc on all of you given the sheer number of anon asks i've had in the past few days begging me to pause the angst and write something fluffy LMAOO. i'm working on catching up with a few drabble reqs from before chapter 3 of time loop fic was finished but have some fluffy-ish chameron hcs to tide you over:

-chase bought cameron's engagement ring WELL before cameron finds it in s5 (and subsequently has her freakout about it). more specifically, he buys the stone for it as part of a necklace set he plans to give her for their first valentine's day together (that chase also secretly counts as their one year anniversary together since that's when they started their fwb arrangement, but is sensible enough not to say as much to cameron). he changes his mind about gifting it to her at the last minute because, well, it's an expensive diamond necklace and he doesn't want to scare cameron off (or, you know, let on to the whole 'i count the day we started casually fucking as the anniversary of our actual relationship' thing) and switches out the diamond out for something less showy, but doesn't have the heart to return the original stone. on their actual one year anniversary he books the appointment to get the diamond re-set into a ring, but gets the jewellers to keep it on hold for him until he thinks she's ready to accept. it's sheer bad luck that this happens to coincide with kutner's death and makes cameron think that this was a rash spur-of-the-moment decision lol

-there's a little phase right at the start of their relationship (when they're really in the honeymoon period) where cameron makes a bunch of excuses to tag along with chase to meet his soccer friends, or the guys he sometimes plays pool with at the bar, etc etc, purely so she can hear him introduce her as 'my girlfriend allison' because she gets such a kick out of hearing him say it. she finds this deeply embarrassing and never really owns up to it but also chase is very willing to go along with it because he ALSO loves getting to introduce her as 'my girlfriend allison'

-when they're at work, they like to just sit quietly together sometimes and don't necessarily talk at lunch. a bunch of house's fellowship candidates half-convince themselves that there's no fellowship up for grabs and that chase and cameron are just PRETENDING to be together and not work for house anymore as part of some epic prank because what couple in the honeymoon period just eats together in silence?? but really it's a fun novelty for them to not have to grab every minute they get together at work because they actually see each other properly outside of it now. that said they both find that particular rumour really funny and do play into it a bit until foreman begs asks them to knock it off because he's sick of having to give out reassurances that there's (probably) a Real Job At The End Of This

-well before they ever got together (or slept with each other, even), cameron and chase used to sometimes give foreman the slip and go out for Secret Post Work Drinks together after a particularly trying day. because foreman is still the new kid on the block and they're way more comfortable bitching about house to each other after having worked together as a duo for six months on their own. (this is also partly why foreman's meddling in occam's razor gets to chase so much and he gets so flustered around cameron--chase's brain freezes and briefly goes 'oh my god wait were those dates? have i been dating cameron? does cameron want to sleep with me??'. he is secretly a bit disappointed to realise he's being fucked with)

[o2studies]

༻`` 1 June — Saturday 56/60

🧡 academia >> / (planning to study a lot of Russian as I've finished this year of school now)

🧡 physical health >> I walked a good bit today, there was a kind of fun day at a park and so I went there with a friend and it was SO MUCH FUN!

🧡 self care >> Sleeping in that little bit extra this morning

I went with K today on a single ride 6 or 7 times and it was amazing! So so much fun, we were screaming our heads off (it the one in the middle picture) and enjoying the music and the slightly sick feeling of being spun round at 100mph. It also felt really freeing to just scream and really funny whenever I'd say 'wee' in a childish tone whenever we'd start spinning in the seats again. We went to her house afterwards, had food, watched Emperor's New Groove (1 & 2) and had way too much fun texting out friend from each other's phones. It was an amazing start into summer.

More updates about this last week:

My exams went quite well I think. There is a couple I might have to retake next year but we'll see whenever I get the grades (I'm praying to God they're all A's or at least high B's). I'm quite happy with how they went tho and mostly proud of the revision I've done for them (I have really died down the revision in the last week and was so tired—physically and mentally— of it all)

I've been falling into some depression-related habits on this past week, sleeping in way too late and constantly, not taking care of myself, being really tired in the evenings and just wasting away the afternoons on my phone & isolating. I am already better and I know I'm working to keep being better. I'm really proud of myself for how quickly I'm bouncing back from that

I wrote some more in my journal recently and started writing out some goals for this year's summer! I would like to write at least some of them out on a post here soon and properly reflect on the list.

My parents had a conversation with my the other day about how I'm allowed to get a part-time summer job this year! I'm really excited, it would be good for me in many ways plus it'll keep me slightly more busy in these next 3 months which is good

I also got my driving licence!! Woo!!

I'm talking with my friends more often and really bonding with them too. We're getting a lot more comfortable around each other too (and the friendly flirting sessions we sometimes have are just so fun XD). We are going to make a good few plans for meeting up over the summer.

After the last exam I talked to another friend, A, while waiting for our buses and I forget how much I love having them as a friend. It was really nice to hear more about them and how she's been doing and her plans for the summer. I'm hoping to meet them sometime next week after their Birthday.

This might be it for now.. If I can remember anything else major that's happened I'll make another post to add to this.

Good night/morning everyone :)

[arendaes]

It's 5:30am, I can't sleep because I had a bad night last night and I need to vent.

Sometimes I wonder if not being more open about my offline life is to my detriment, because it never fails that I seem to attract people who see me as someone who's easy to walk all over. So many people I've known both online and off really like to treat me however they like, including being rude, condescending, and sometimes just downright cruelly, but the moment I have enough and draw a line in the sand they just want to wipe it away and tell me all about how I'm the one in the wrong.

I once had a friend who ignored my existence for six months and then got mad when I told her I wasn't coming to her son's birthday party. When I say "ignored my existence", I don't just mean unanswered texts; I mean I worked at a store in town and saw her in there multiple times. Every time I would wave and say hi while she was looking right at me and she would walk right by me as if I wasn't there. She knew I worked there too because we met working there. Literally we went from hanging out every day off we had together to that and still she got mad when I was hurt and just didn't want to come to a child's goddamned birthday party (when I have no kid of my own) because of it. The kid was only a year old so it wasn't like he knew who I was, either.

And online has been worse in a lot of ways. I made a friend a few years ago back when I first started getting involved in fandom. At the time I was resistant to the idea but now I realize I befriended him out of pity, because no one seemed to really want to be involved with him and he'd always been so nice to me. That was a mistake, because it turned out he was an alt-right chud who waited until he thought we were close enough and then started deliberately baiting me into arguments where he'd say horrible shit to me and make me upset and then fucking laugh He admitted it was fun for him to upset me. He stopped laughing when I finally stood up for myself and cut him out of my life, only to repeatedly ignore my requests for him to leave me alone. He would send me messages and like my posts, along with asking his friends to do the same and even writing a fic about one of my favorite characters where an unnamed OC treated said character poorly (all while said OC said things that were word for word things I said to him in out last conversation) and posting it where he knew I'd see it. Thankfully his conscience got the better of him with that last one and he took it down just a few days after posting, but the damage was done. He's the reason my ask box is closed most of the time and I have it set to where only followers can message me or comment on my posts. I think he's moved on - I hope he's moved on - but I live with this ever-present fear he hasn't and if I let my guard drop he'll start again.

And this is just two of the biggest incidents in a long line of family members saying I can't have boundaries with them because they're faaaamily and honest conversations with friends about how they've hurt me only to have them turn around and blame that hurt on myself. I'm just...so confused about what I can even do anymore. It feels like no matter what I do I just attract people who want to use and abuse my good nature. Hell, it's been so bad that I typed that and immediately thought "are you good-natured or do you just have an unnecessarily high opinion of yourself?" Which I know is the brain demon talking, but sometimes it's hard to drown it out, especially when this is all I've ever known.

[cycleoffates]

Just found you here after searching Pumpkin Panic (again). You see, I found that demo back in 2014-2016 and I feel like it made a huge impact on what my art aesthetic preferences are because your artsyle is super colorful and the game really gave me candy and Halloween vibes! So once I a while I search official art you have posted about it. Whether you come back to making games or not I wanted to thank you for creating that demo and showing your spooky ocs. Hope you have a nice day!

hello!!! thank you so much for sending me this message. apologies if my response has been somewhat late, Tumblr's a place I hardly check and free time isn't something I have as much as I used to. 🥲 sorry if this is gonna be a long response too! i didn't intend it to be but I'm feeling somewhat sentimental.

even if i've pretty much been radio silent all over the place, this message has been something I've been constantly thinking about for a while. well, this one and a few that have been left on one of my videos. 🥹 (I'm posting them rq bc they bring me joy)

Pumpkin⭐Panic (yeah, with the star bc i found out there's another game called that now) has always been very near and dear to my heart. i made that demo when I was still a kid in high-school w/ a lot of ambitions. the idea for it was very impulsive, bc it started out as me making a gift for my followers on Halloween. i have no idea how I managed to create a demo for it in under a month (I have no clue how I was able to do it back then 💀).

talking about and posting OC stuff has always made me shy bc I wasn't sure how people would perceive it (or rather, my original, non-fandom creations), but it warms my heart to know it's been (and is still) loved by a lot of ppl who remember it to this day, even if it's very old. not to mention, it's very outdated, littered with bugs and was made on a (now defunct) laptop with a broken audio jack (hence why the audio is so loud (LOL)). making a game by yourself is harder than it looks!!!

it's been......... maybe 10+ years now? i think since it's initial creation. wow. typing that out makes me feel OLD. during all that, I put out another game demo and tried to write visual novels, but none of them were finished/saw the light, either. I'm somewhat ashamed of that too. i wanted to make more stories, but I just found myself lacking the time and the motivation (Tumblr was dying, I started working towards a college degree, you get the gist).

at that point, i stopped posting OC content as much (bc you know, social media engagement with fandoms and commissions gets you clicks!). i kept all those to myself (granted I didn't have a lot to begin with LOL) and only shared them with close friends. sometimes i'd post something on the bird-app, but it wasn't constant.

and then few years ago, a couple things happened to me (for the worse?). it opened my eyes and made me realize how impacted I (as a person) and my creations (as extensions of me) were by others who I shared personal connections with (through relating w/my characters). those things changed my life and made me anxious about talking about them again with others. i got scared. it was bad.

from then on, i shifted my gear towards making a lot of money as I could from commissions. flash forward to the beginning of last year, I had my "icarus-flew-too-close-to-the-sun" moment.................... yeah, burnout is NOT fun.

but at the same time, during those years of making bank and struggling, I was able to connect with someone again who made me love talking about my OCs again. i started roleplaying w/OCs again, I started writing and drawing OCs again. granted, they're not the same ones as before, but they're still my characters, and I want to share their stories with the world (someday). yeah okay, this is veering away from Pumpkin⭐Panic so i'm pulling the reins back on it again.

thank you again (from the bottom of my heart) for sending me this ask. this probably wasn't??? the answer you were expecting, but it made me feel something so HAVE AT IT. 🥹 I have attempted to create some semblances of art for a Pumpkin⭐Panic "reboot" but never got far, so it's most likely I won't be picking the game demo project back up. maybe I'll post them here if I remember to?

i've been thinking about giving the main game some closure at least. an artist I follow did something where when they decided to quit their webcomic, they posted the scripts/concept art/etc of said webcomic so fans can look at it. i think that's something I might try and do, if people are interested.

i also had plans for a prequel game (visual novel written conceptual draft)......... that? that's something I'm still thinking of doing one day, mostly because I have a new OC project now (not PP! related) that I want to bring to life but have no idea on the direction I want to go with. a friend told me that maybe trying to do an experimental visual novel with the prequel (of PP!) might help me get a feel for where I want to go for said new story. it doesn't have a proper name that I'm happy with, but............

i just think these goobers deserve that finished, at least.

thank you one again for your ask, sorry if it was sooooo long-winded, and i hope you have a wonderful day as well! <3

[fraterfalls]

Hi, I'm new to Blood Brothers AU and I was curious about it. Can you explain about it or show me where I can see the best explanation about it?

ohhh, dear asker, the rabbit hole i'm about to send you down... >:)

alright let me try and explain it in the most coherent way possible, it's late at night BUT i will try my best!!!

explanation under the cut!

(in general, if you're new to the bb au like this asker and trying to find your way around this overwhelming hell of an au i've concocted, i recommend you start here :D)

wow. i tried SO HARD to make this a semi-concise explanation and YET it somehow turned into a mini-fic in itself towards the end there. sighhh... (lol even still, have fun reading!)

first thing's first i need to tell you aboutttt

The Parallel World / "Better World".

in journal 3, ford mentions visiting a parallel dimension in which stan never pushed him into the portal, and instead took his journal and hid it as ford had requested.

^ some screenshots to give you the basic gist of what's going on in that dimension, everything you need to know for the time being. you can read more about it on internet archive if you like

at some point in august i reread this part of journal 3 and became obsessed with the idea of a parallel dimension. i also noticed that apart from mentioning how he never pushed ford into the portal and took the journal in this world, parallel stan is just... not really brought up. at all. ...which opens up some interesting possibilities.

as you can probably guess, this dimension features in the blood brothers au! in my interpretation, the reason stan was never mentioned is because after leaving with ford's journal, he never came back, just seemingly disappeared off the planet. parallel ford... has not been handling this well (and a certain bastard triangle only serves to play up his worst fears!), and because he has such a large student body to attend to and take care of and protect, he represses his issues, buries them under layers and layers of work and responsibilities. nobody even knows he has a brother...

not even his nephew and niece, dipper and mabel. however, they're observant as all hell. as secretive as ford is, they see past his little white lies, they see how he doesn't eat properly and falls asleep at his desk and laughs nervously when someone asks if he's alright. (i haven't talked much about the role they play in this au on tumblr, but rest assured i'll be elaborating more on it in my upcoming fic that may come out sometime within... um... the next few months to the next few decades. they're still the same old mystery twins we know and love, except now they've set their sights on figuring out what their grunkle ford is hiding. very Not What He Seems reminiscent)

alright, now that i've mostly covered the parallel world, time to move on to:

The Portal Stan AU

while i was obsessing over the Better World, a parallel dimension/"alternate universe" which already exists in canon, i started thinking about another AU which is fairly popular in the gravity falls fandom: the portal stan AU. in which stan, rather than ford, gets sent into the portal. thought it was a fantastic concept ever since i first saw it, because it opens so many doors for interesting characterization and also some good ol' angst (and later a healing arc, of course). portal stan has, after all, spent 40 or so years without a solid family base or anyone to care for him. and i can imagine that in those 30 years he spent dimension-hopping, his only thought was to return to his home dimension and see ford again. yes, he was furious and frustrated when they had that last argument, but surely in hindsight he saw how paranoid and jittery ford had been throughout their meeting. he would want to get back and make sure his brother was safe as soon as possible.

and then i had the thought which kicked off this entire au:

what if portal stan fucked up and somehow stumbled upon the parallel dimension while searching for a way home? what if portal stan and parallel ford... MET?

portal stan sees parallel ford and his situation and comes to the conclusion that, without him in the way, ford would flourish. parallel ford sees portal stan and comes to the conclusion that no matter the universe, he somehow manages to destroy stan's life just by being in it. even just knowing that the other exists exacerbates their own insecurities. IT'S SO AWFUL AND SO PERFECT.

also, portal stan couldn't be more desperate to get out of the parallel dimension- partly because he hates the reminder that ford would be better off without him, but mostly because he wants to see his real brother again. however, parallel ford has other plans for him. he's been in denial about the true fate of his own brother for a long time now, but he sees this version of stan and decides he can't afford to let go of him. (his own mental state is too fragile to accept the idea of losing stan again, even if this isn't his own stan. he already let go of him once after the WCT fiasco, and again after the journal incident. thrice is... thrice is too much.)

you may also be thinking "hey, smart guy, i actually DID read that screenshot you posted above while explaining the parallel dimension. it said parallel ford and fiddleford constructed a little something called a Vortex Neutralizer which allows for safe, bill-free multiversal travel. couldn't portal stan just use that to get out of there?"

yeaaah, parallel ford doesn't tell him about that!

he will do almost anything to keep stan with him. he is sinking his claws into that man begging him not to leave-

and stan hates him for it. tears into him with insult after insult. he can't stand this ford, why's he acting like he doesn't have everything he could ever want? (except, of course, he doesn't really hate him. after all, this is still stanford pines, maybe not his ford but he's certainly a ford. same old easily excitable nerd he used to tease back in high school. but stan still has his own ford to attend to, one who needs him more than anything... probably... hopefully, so he shuts out the part of him which is growing fond of parallel ford. tells himself not to think too much about this one. he hardly even knows him. he shouldn't have to bother.)

-

and yeah that's. i think that's enough information to take in in a single post. there's still plenty more going on with the au that i haven't touched on here, but hey that's just the premise! i would link you to more specific posts which will help you further acquaint yourself with the au, but it's. it's 2am and i am incredibly sleepy, so instead i will simply provide you with the link to the blog archive, where you can look at all the posts on here without having to scroll endlessly trying to find specific things. enjoy!!!

if you have any more questions DON'T BE AFRAID TO COME BOTHER ME ABOUT IT !!! i loved answering this ask... <3 been meaning to rewrite a better AU Premise Post than the one i made back in august anyway lol

[cinnamontails-ff]

The incredible @kittenintheden tagged me for this, so I'll give it my best shot!

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

Four.

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

224,051 - which, honestly, is insane because that means I've written (and edited) pretty much two entire novels over the course of last 12 months. The vampire elf is too powerful, guys.

3) What fandoms do you write for?

BG3

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I'm a fandom newbie, so I don't even have 5, but here are my babies:

Accountant's Guide - Pre-Canon Astarion teams up with a human accountant to frame Cazador for tax fraud. It's exactly as whacky as it sounds.

Magistrate's Advocate - The Magistrate Astarion longfic someone had to write.

Vampire Stay-at-Home Trophy Husband - Reverse Isekai EA oneshot

An Empirical Science - My contribution to the Holy Rolan Empire

5) Do you respond to comments?

Always. Obsessively so. Love responding to comments and chatting with readers.

6) What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

My fics have a good bit of angst and tension and heartbreak, but I always strive for an overall "warm" feeling in my writing, so those moments tend to get resolved at some point. No angsty endings in my portfolio (yet).

7) What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Accountant's Guide is where I gave Astarion everything I wish he could have. Zero regrets.

8) Do you get hate on fics?

Occasionally, but it's pretty rare. Not to make excuses for people hating on fics (because that is despicable; we're working for free here), but I don't think my fics are controversial enough to attract a lot of hate. They're cute. They're wholesome. They don't take themselves too seriously, so I think it's pretty difficult to hate on them.

Although someone once called Scarlett a b**** and sometimes I remember that and I become wrath.

9) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Explicit smut is something I've really only started doing when I got into fanfiction this past year. I like incorporating it into my longfics to emphasize key moments for my characters and their development, so it's part porn, part plot.

It can get kinky, but it will always be consensual. Dubcon/noncon is a big no for me, personally.

10) Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

No crossovers, but An Empirical Science is where I have a lot of fun butchering adapting Pride & Prejudice lines. I mean, it's a Rolan fic. How could you not?

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know, but I have seen coincidences of very similar concepts and ideas popping up after I've introduced them in my fics.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, there's an ongoing Ukrainian translation for Accountant's Guide! I translate the comments every now and then and readers are really praising the language skills of the translator, so that's awesome!

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but we chat a lot about my stories on my Discord server, so that's often a little like writing together.

14) What’s your all time favorite ship?

Shalladin (Kaladin x Shallan from Stormlight Archive). I love Brandon Sanderson with all my heart, but for this, I will never forgive him.

15) What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I get very hyperfocused on my stories and rarely work on more than 1 project at a time, so I tend to finish what I start.

16) What are your writing strengths?

Look, my social anxiety makes me a pretty rizzless person to talk to in real life, but my writing is funny. It's charming. I am great at character voice. I keep things real. My OCs don't need to be perfect flawless beauty goddesses to woo the guy; they recite a few paragraphs and swing their fountain pen and the guy is on. the. floor.

Sometimes literally.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

According to a rather charming public bookmark on my fic, I struggle with "pacing issues" and "questionable narrative choices". Clearly, this person knows what they're talking about, so let's accept it as fact.

18) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I think this is generally really difficult to pull off without being confusing (check out "The Wee Free Men" by Sir Terry Pratchett for a really good example how to do it). So unless I had a very specific reason for it, I would prefer to write around it as I've done with Infernal in An Empirical Science.

19) First fandom you wrote for?

Still BG3. First and last? Who knows.

20) Favorite fic you’ve written?

Accountant's Guide. It's the story I wrote when I hit rock bottom and thought I couldn't write anymore. It's the story that made me believe again. My first story in English and by far the easiest thing I've ever written. It's the story I reread when I'm sad, when I'm happy, when I want a hug that reaches all the way into my soul. I am never happier than when people tell me this is a comfort read for them, just as it is for me.

I'm tagging @thedreamlessnights, @purdledooturt, @larvasmoon, @karinamay and @davenswitcher if they feel like sharing their answers!

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hey Cas- I'm a new anon, I haven't come to you before for help reasons. We are moots tho, and I feel like you're amazing at this so here we go-

I moved recently, away from my best friends for almost over 10 years I think, and there was 5 of us. Since I've been gone physically, I still keep in touch through text and ft them every weekend. Recently, in a lot of the pictures they've been sending me, there's a girl I was sorta friends with, and the way my friends talk about her is like, "oh yea it's so funny, you used to do x all the time and now *new girl name* does it a lot, I never realized how much like you she is," and similar stuff. One of my friends says she feels guilty bc it feels like the girl is trying to take my place, and a few of our other mutual friends are letting her? And I don't know what to do with this bc I can tell I do feel like jealous or annoyed and I miss them so much and I thought she was a genuinely nice person, since we were on the road to being friends, but now it feels like she's taking my place with my closest friends? And I know I'm prolly being irrational, bc I know my friends can (and should) have other friends that aren't me, but I dont like the way it feels like I'm being replaced? I don't get why this is affecting me so much, since they're litterally half way across the world, but I feel jealous of that girl, who gets so much time with litterally my most favorite people (irl) ever and I also feel bad for starting to not like her bc we used to kinda be friends?

Like another thing- I used to have this hoodie I loved and wore often. It was a personalized hoodie I had customized. I still have it. And in the last few pictures my friends sent me, this other new girl was wearing the same one, and???? I don't know what to do? I feel like a terrible person bc honestly what if I'm just making all this up in my head???

Im so sorry that was so incoherent, I just needed to vent/ramble I hope you have a great week, and that you never step on a lego again and that everything is always at the right temperature<3333

Hi!

I think it's natural to feel this way, honestly. I think you need to remember that this girl probably isn't the real source of your emotions, though. Like she's just doing her thing. It's your friends that you need to communicate with.

I think you should express the fact that you miss them. That it's hard to see them having fun without you. Don't specifically say that you're mad about this other girl, just say that you wish you were there and that it's hard to see them doing things with other people. Tell them you don't blame them, but you just wish you were there. Odds are, they miss you too, and they'll remind you how much they love you. It won't change anything, but sometimes hearing that is reassuring and makes it a bit easier.

It's okay to feel this way and it's also ok to share your feelings in a healthy way. Don't let that resentment build up.

Sending love!

Naming you moving anon!

[blubushie]

Is there a reason you're so open about your sex life?

Yeah actually. I've had a lot of shit happen to me in my life.

The first person I ever had a crush on was another boy, and my best mate. We'll call him Nate. I knew I liked boys before I knew I liked girls, cuz up until I was 12 I'd never really spent time with girls at all—I didn't even know any girls my age—but I did have Nate. I met him when I was 10, and he taught me to ride horses and work stock. So growing up that was one helluva secret to hold. And he knew that I liked boys, and he jokingly called me a faggot and a queer and we laughed about it. And when other kids would hang shit on me at school, he didn't. In private, sure, with love. But in public, he stuck up for me. Cuz I was one of the Good Ones™, and his friend.

When I was 12 I was abused by a man in his 40s. And I heavily repressed my feelings towards other boys because I figured that that was the path it led down. "Gays are paedophiles. Queers wanna touch kids. They're dangerous." And I figured that if I just ignored it, I'd never end up a monster like he was. And when I told Nate about this, he said the same thing. "They're all like that. They're dangerous. You need to be careful or people will think you'll do the same. And I know you won't, cuz you're one of the Good Ones™. But you have to be careful." Nate was the first and only person I told about my abuse until it went public. He kept my secret for 3 years. He held me and I cried.

Nate was the last man outside of family who's held me. I haven't been held by another man since I was 12. I haven't been hugged by another man outside my family since I was 15.

At 14, I met another kid we'll call Lake. He was fun, and cheerful, and bubbly. And he was also gay. Very very openly gay. The feminine kinda gay. Talks like a girl kinda gay. Not my type, but I admired him. And I envied his bravery in being so out and not caring about what people thought of him.

Or the risk.

At 15, Nate got me drunk. We'd been working calves all day on the local station where his parents lived as hired hands. He snuck a slab from his parents' outshed on the station and we took our horses out and sat in the shade of a gum and drank. I'd never had alcohol before except at Mass, and I got pretty tipsy. And the sun was setting and it struck these orange streaks through his hair, and reflected real pretty off those eyes, and I decided he was very very handsome in that moment and in drunk brain, I should kiss him. So I leant over and pecked his cheek.

He went off on me.

It turns out that it's ok to be gay, as long as you're gay for the right people. And the right people is anyone who isn't the person you're talking to. Cuz he turned to me and I saw a rage in his eyes that I knew meant whatever kinda friendship we'd formed over 5 years, it was dead in the water the moment I kissed him. He looked at me the same way he looked at all the other queers, same way he looked at Lake, with that "I don't mind gays but I wish they'd be a little quieter about it" face. And then he slogged me.

We scrapped. And at first I thought he was just being an idiot, cuz I was 15 and he was 17 and we were both teenage boys and we biffed sometimes. But after a few seconds he got on top of me and stopped pulling his punches, and I was trying to tell him to stop and that I was sorry and he didn't. He kept hitting me. And he called me a faggot, and a queer, and a freak, and that there was something wrong with me and he had to beat the faggotry outta me cuz I had a skull too thick for my own good and if he didn't teach me a lesson now I'd do it again and the next bloke might just kill me for it.

He gave me a good slog to the side of the head and rung my bell real good, and then he kicked me in the stomach and got on his horse and rode back to the station. I laid there maybe ten minutes trying to breathe through all the blood in my nose and making sure he didn't knock any teeth out. That was the first time I really genuinely got a bashing.

I never talked to him again. I saw him once on station, and tried to talk to him and apologise, but he just walked away. I stopped visiting the station after that.

I made friends with Lake. We both went to Catholic school, so he got picked on a lot for being gay. But he never let it get him down. And I started standing up for him when I saw kids treat him like shit. Because he was my friend, and he was one of the Good Ones™. But deep down I envied him. I wanted to be him. I wanted to be able to walk with my chin high and strut like a fucken peacock knowing I'm hot shit and that nobody could touch me. But internalised homophobia is a hell of a thing, and deep down I also knew I'd never be like him. Because my issue isn't just me being attracted to men, but also being intersex and a dozen other different little things. But to Lake, that didn't matter. To Lake I was cut of the same cloth. We were confidants.

Eventually with time I realised that there's no such thing as "one of the Good Ones™." Being attracted to someone the same sex or gender as you isn't a fault. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. But I still hid it. I wasn't brave enough to be open about it, I was scared of judgement, I was scared of punishment for something I couldn't control, so I kept it a secret.

The third person I told was my girlfriend. She took it in stride. I thought she was afraid that I'd made her my beard when I was definitely attracted to her too, but she was actually the one who explained bisexuality to me. And everything clicked. But she was also aware that I was squashing down my attraction to men because I was afraid, so she made me watch Brokeback Mountain, and that's actually how I ended up genuinely coming to terms with my sexuality. I didn't want to be so afraid of loving that I'd never loved at all.

I never acted on my attraction, cuz I'm a loyal bastard, but when she and I split I stopped trying to hide what I am. I am a man who happens to be attracted to men. I am also attracted to women. And that's ok. That's not something to be ashamed of, it's not something I need to hide, it's not something I have to keep secret.

I'll never be the loudly out gay man. I'll never be the loudly out bisexual. I don't wear pride pins, I don't flaunt my sexuality, I don't wear rainbows. If anyone looked at me they wouldn't assume I like men, let alone immediately know.

I'll never be like Lake. But I don't have to be like Lake. I just have to be me. And through talking about my experiences, maybe some other young man who's in the same shoes I used to be in will look at me and realise that all he has to be is himself. And if that man likes men, then so be it.

[heathtrash]

When you're working on TWW fanfic, how do you get like new inspiration or even just the motivation to keep going?

(p.s. thank you for keeping the fandom alive!!)

inspiration/ideas are something i almost never have a problem with. i come up with new scenarios for these gays almost constantly and it's everything in me to not just constantly begin new wips and crossovers and aus that have never been explored! and there's so much media to draw from with tww with all eight books, the shows, the movie, the spinoffs - idk but even like vanilla 2017 or 1998 stuff is always giving me life, maybe because i'm an insatiable multishipper with no chill and an adoration of rarepairs.

i also make sure i "read around" tww. i watch things or listen to audiobooks with a related genre or vibe, especially if i'm exploring au or want to go for a specific tone. keeping your brain active and making connections like this helps so much with inspiration and plot. it's like going on a silly little mental health walk, but instead of nature or whatever, you're opening your brain up to new possibilities. even something completely unrelated can spark something! it makes the worlds you write feel a bit richer as you're writing them.

motivation is something different, because i struggle with a lot of self-confidence in my own writing (lol, cptsd. i'm in therapy). comments on my works do really help with that. but these days people seem to feel weird about leaving comments on works that aren't like a week old??? bruh people still talk about books that are decades or centuries old. and we have some lovely people still in the fandom who are willing to read some of my work, and that is amazing to me!!

but of course, there are fics i've started that i am not sure will ever see the light of day because i feel like they're not good enough, or works that i've put up that very few people were interested in (rip to pippa university years my beloved. never escaped single digits on the kudos for 10k of fic). those embarrassments and failures hold me back so much because they confirm my own negative thoughts about my writing and make me not want to put my energy into this. i have a full plan of chapter 13 of a clock with no hands, but i keep giving myself imposter syndrome over my ability to write it well enough. idk. rationally, i know that the types of story i write are sometimes not what people want to read. i think it's important to talk about (please i am NOT fishing) because i'm sure there are many people who feel the same way. some people even look up to me as a writer?? but i cannot emphasise enough that it's a miracle that anything goes online with my mental health being how it is.

anyway, enough about me! mostly i try to think primarily of the fandom and what's best for us right now. that's why i'm running the drabble exchange, which i think will be a really fun way to get little sparks of inspiration going for everyone, as well as hopefully providing a chance for new writers to dip their toe into whatever ship they like! please sign up to join in - this is the last weekend before i close sign-ups!

i'm certainly not solely responsible for keeping the fandom alive though!!! there are some incredible artists who are doing a much better job of that than me with the recent influx of art - as well as all those who are writing new fics that are providing after the slump we had with the conclusion of the 2017 series. it was really hard to recover the fandom after s3, and i know i've had a small part to play in that with the twitter group chat evolving into reviving the discord. but i couldn't have done any of that if no one else was around to join in!

(also side note - general invitation extended to anyone who wants to join the discord!)

[purble-gaymer]

F (< this is a really good one i think everyone would want to get this one), H, J (any fic), K, X

for the ask game :]

F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you've written and explain why you're proud of it.

god that is a good one but it's also a HARD one. i feel like let me see your bones in its entirety is high up there if only because it is very personal to me. there's a lot of good stuff in wwtmk and unfortunate result AGH!!! this is so hard. i have a couple from unfortunate result i wanna talk about though

mk and the salesman's dynamic is so interesting to me and i never get to do anything with it. i loved writing this. the salesman jumpscare. meta knight anger out of fear moments. destroya confirmation. this is probably my favorite flashback in the fic

i think i'm gonna explode looking back over this fic. cafe brawl and the cooldown after it are probably two of my favorite parts. god. guys this experience means so much to me even if i completely fabricated it myself. it is such an important bonding moment for the knights especially when blade is the one breaking down because of it. and the aftermath of sword and meta knight having their little chat...is it normal to want to cry over your own work

okay okay last one. i really enjoyed writing this nightmare scene. showing first that meta knight asked for sword and blade's help above all else, his uneasiness as he realizes something is wrong, and a final call in desperation before nightmare reveals himself. i loooove writing these nightmares they're so fun. i feel like i have a really strong idea of what the realm is like and i need to do more with it

i may have gotten distracted rereading some of this fic while answering this. need to sue myself for emotional damages.

H: How would you describe your style?

i like to make things an appropriate amount of flowery. i love romantic/gothic era lit that really digs into descriptions, and it's been a goal in my writing for a long time now to get better with that, because when i started off i hated writing descriptions. i think i've improved on it a lot over the past couple years. i like to linger on little details to try and make my writing feel more immersive. i want my readers to be able to feel the breeze on their face and smell the autumn leaves, yknow? my imagination can be pretty strong sometimes and i want to do everything i can to translate those feelings onto paper. it's tough, but that's what makes it fun, and all the more satisfying when you write it out.

J: Write or describe an alternative ending to any fic.

hum. honestly the biggest one that comes to mind is that there's an alternate universe where meta knight dies at the end of know your place. i think if i wrote it today i might've followed through with that, but who knows. aside from that, for most of my fics i'm not conflicted about the ending. i know where i want the story to go, the harder part is deciding how i'm going to get there. i think i jumped between a few ideas for unfortunate result, but i don't really remember many of them. that fic had a pretty messy development, i had a lot of ideas and many of them ended up getting cut or changed into something else.

K: What's the angstiest idea you've ever come up with?

what do you think? :) i certainly have a lot of "meta knight gets tortured by nightmare" plots but one of these things is not like the others...especially once arthur gets involved.

X: A character you enjoy making suffer.

meta knight. meta knight. sword. blade. meta knight. falspar. meta knight. meta knight. meta knight

[lipshits-continuous]

I know your degree isn’t all maths, but do you have any tips/tools for studying maths at uni?

Hello, sorry this is a few days late, I wanted to give you a proper answer /lh

These are in no particular order of importance:

If you are having trouble with a particular concept or area, talk to someone. A fellow student, the lecturer, your academic advisor, your tutor (if you uni has stuff like tutorials), are even someone from mathblr. In one-to-one conversations, it's often easier to to ask specific questions and for the person helping you to try to frame things in a way you understand

The flip side of this is try helping other people that are stuck. Explaining things to other people helps make sure you understand them. There have been occasions where a certain proof or concept has clicked for a second time when I've explained it to someone else

Practice problems and exercises are invaluable. Not only are they great for building understanding and strengthening memory (as well as developing general mathematical rigour), they're also a pretty effecient way of identifying things you don't understand as well for you to work on. I think I've talked about this before but my revision strategy is to do problems to identify what I'm weak on, and then go over the notes of the weak points and do problems on that specific area until I'm comfortable answering questions in that area again, then repeat.

Remember to take breaks! When you're trying to tackle a particularly hard problem and you're getting nowhere, take a break and focus on something else (probably not other problems). Sometimes inspiration will hit whilst you're not actively thinking about the problem (this has happened to me many times, especially whilst I'm showering haha). Or when you then go to return to the problem, you'll get back into it and realise that the answer was actually no that hard after all, you were just fatigued by spending so long on it. Obviously this won't always be the case, there will be problems that you will need to ask for help on and that's okay too. Learning is about admitting you don't know things

Remember to have fun. University can get really intense and draining and it is good to find some balance outside of that. You might not always find that balance during term time (I'm still working on it myself but my terms are short(ish) but very dense with no reading week so it's quite intense) but even little things like setting aside an hour or two just to listen to music or play a video game can help.

Sort of related to the last point but also read about maths outside of the modules you are taking, especially if they are starting to feel like a slog. Try to find things that remind yourself why you enjoy maths and why you wanted to study it. Sometimes that won't work and it might be a sign you aren't enjoying your degree as much as you thought you would (this happened to me with physics and is part of the reason I switched to doing more maths). Something that I like to do is look at module options for later years in my degree and see what things look exciting.

Get used to self-study because it's a really helpful skill. If you're lecturer didn't explain something well or you missed a lecture because of illness or whatever, you're gonna have to catch up and the lecture notes/textbook are the first port of call (as well as a friend who did attend the lecture, but they might be busy). But developing the skill before you have to do revision for exams is quite handy and independent learning skills come in very useful when you go on later to do research projects. This also includes being able to find other resources that help you understand things, like other textbooks or YouTube videos and finding out what works before for you.

A small sidenote for studying in the UK, especially if you're starting in September/October is to expect lecturer strikes. As it currently stands, it doesn't look like universities are budging so be prepared for disruption. I can't really speak for how this affects specific universities other than my own so I don't want to make general claims.

All that said, these are what I've personally found useful so some people might disagree with me or have other things they'd also suggest (if that's the case please add onto this post).

If you're starting after summer then I sincerely hope your A Level results are what you hope for and that you get into your first choice!