#they're entering into a section of life that I will never have any part of | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kazoosandfannypacks · 12 days ago

Text

Sabezra Week, Day 6, “Stars” STAR crossed rebellion heroes... UPDATE!!!!!

summary: sabine and ezra finally share their first kiss. unfortunately, it’s on a broadcast to every rebel cell in the galaxy. chapter word count: 1674 a/n: i couldn't think of anything good to do for this prompt, but i had the fourth chapter of a fic with star in the title just WAITING to be posted and knew i had no choice. shoutout to the unbelievable super cool outrageous and amazing @kanerallels for betaing! taglist: @laughingphoenixleader@accidental-spice@kanerallels @piraterefrigerator @jedi-nurse@dootchster @lucasbridger@redroverrider @light-umbra @commander-tech @jedimandalorian@notanodinarygirl {if you’d like to be added to or removed from my Sabezra taglist, let me know!}

also on ao3!

Ch. 4 Ezra Actually Has The Worst Friends In The Galaxy

At first, Ezra almost wished he hadn't missed the opportunity to ride the purrgil express to a distant galaxy. What was worth sticking around for, anyways? Life would be so much simpler if he was a million parsecs away, living out the rest of his days as a hermit, a street rat once again, without all these people watching his every move.

Instead, he was in his own galaxy. The crewmates he cared about so much were making a field day of teasing him. The rebellion that hailed him a hero now smiled for different reasons when they saw him. And Sabine?

Well, Sabine was actually what made it all worth it. He'd kissed his best friend, and now she was avoiding him.

This was good, of course. If what happened between them was no big deal, she wouldn't be avoiding him. Instead, she would've just said something along the lines of, "oh that was so dumb, let's never do that again," and made sure a recording of that rejection was broadcast to every rebel cell, too. If that kiss meant absolutely nothing, she wouldn't say they'd talk about it later. She would shut it down faster than it started.

Knowing this, he was still in pretty good spirits as he made his way down to the city square, with Sabine a respectable distance away from him.

But he lost her pretty quickly, as the first place he made it his goal to stop by was the holo-footage control booth, where Jai sat, watching his datapad.

Ezra didn't say a word as he entered, but watched as his friend looked up at him, a nervous expression crossing his face.

"Well, if it isn't the man of the hour!" Jai said, "shouldn't you be off enjoying the celebration?"

"I'm on my way there," Ezra said, taking his best "I'm not disappointed, I'm just mad" face for a test-drive, "just had to take care of something first."

"I, uh," Jai said, "I take it you're not happy that your first kiss was live-streamed to the entire galaxy?"

"Not particularly," Ezra said, before his train of thought hit a snag, "wait, first kiss? You didn't broadcast that piece of information too, did you?"

"Was it your first kiss?" Jai asked.

"That's not the point," Ezra said.

"Chill your jets," Jai said, "I didn't add any context other than what the video itself gave. You ought to see the comments section, though."

"Comment section?" Ezra asked, "since when do our broadcasts have a comment section?"

"Oh, ours don't," Jai said, "but with millions of people watching, it's not a stretch of the imagination to assume at least one of them would've recorded and re-uploaded the footage."

Ezra took the datapad out of Jai's hand and looked at the series of thumbnails on a holosite, seeing more images of him and Sabine kissing than any of his teenage dreams could've put together.

"You and Sabine are already trending," Jai said.

"Really?" Ezra asked. As upset and somewhat mortified as he was, he was also, at least a little bit, delighted to be associated so closely with Sabine.

"And besides," Jai said, "we're already seeing an exponential increase in views today because of you guys' special moment— how's that for sticking it to the Empire?"

"They're not watching the part where were talking about sticking it to the Empire," Ezra said, glaring at Jai before turning back to the datapad and reading off one of the video titles, "they're watching 'star crossed rebellion heroes share a passionate kiss on live broadcast, not clickbait.'"

"Close enough," Jai said, taking his datapad back, "either way, nothing we can do about it now, sorry."

"That's alright," Ezra said, "but do yourself a favor."

"What's that?" Jai asked.

"All that information you just told me? Don't tell Sabine."

That warning had been more than fair and less than deserved, and there was admittedly a small part of Ezra that almost wished his friend wouldn't heed it. As he walked away from the booth, he couldn't help but relish the idea of Jai sharing all that data with someone involved who fundamentally leaned much more towards violence than him.

🧡.📱.💜

It wasn't that Ezra had forgotten to silence his commlink. It was more that most of the people who communicated with him were either at the festivities, knew he would be at the festivities, or only had his contact signal for emergencies.

Unfortunately, one person fit into none of the above categories.

"This better be important," Ezra said, as he stepped aside to answer his comm.

"Of utmost importance," the weequay pirate on the comm responded, "I just wanted to give my deepest congratulations."

"For rescuing Lothal?" Ezra asked, "Hondo, you were there for that."

"Not that," Hondo said, "when Melch started to talk about it, I thought it was only a wonderful rumor. How delighted I was to see you and the Mandalorian girl are, as they say, trending!"

"I don't have time to talk about that," Ezra said, rolling his eyes.

"Though, of course," Hondo continued, "it's bad business practice to become so popular under your real name, or to broadcast your affections so openly. I admire your audacity, Bridger."

"Not really my choice," Ezra said. "Listen, I'll talk to you later, okay?" "Oh, but of course," Hondo laughed, "I'm sure you have something much more fascinating you could be doing right now than babble with an old pirate."

"Thank you."

"And someone much more fascinating to do so with, if you know what I mean."

"Hondo!"

"So long, my boy!" Hondo responded, quickly, before Ezra turned off his comm in frustration.

So far the score was Friends Who Were Teasing Ezra: 4, and Ezra: uh.

Well, he couldn't tell if he'd scored anything yet, but he certainly didn't feel like he was winning.

🧡.📱.💜

Ezra hurriedly shoved his comm into his pocket and slipped out of the alleyway he was in, thankful he'd stepped aside to take Hondo's message rather than listen to it in public view.

All his annoyance and frustration melted away, though, when he saw Sabine across the way from him, and, even from a distance, noticed the twinkle in her eye. How quickly her presence soothed him and slowed the rapid pace of his mind!

"Yeah, Sabine doesn't want to talk to me about us," Ezra thought, already making his way through the crowd to her, "but hopefully she still wants to talk to me about other stuff, right?"

He hoped the best moment of his life hadn't ruined the best friendship of his life.

"Hey," Sabine said as he approached.

"I know you don't want to talk about, well, you know," Ezra said, "but, uh, we're still chill to hang out, right?"

He hoped that didn't sound as desperate as he thought it did.

"Uh, sure," Sabine said, and though her response sounded cold, her eyes were warm and inviting, and Ezra felt it would be rude and against his own self interest to refuse their call.

"Good," Ezra said, relief painting a smile across his lips, "because no matter what happens to us, I hope we never stop being friends."

Sabine only nodded and smiled and said "yeah, me too," but it was enough to stop Ezra's heart, then start it up again, this time beating faster than before.

There were a million things Ezra could say, but not here, not now, not with everyone in the world watching them.

No, the words and requests that reigned in his mind would have to find their place later.

"Glad to see we're still cool," Ezra said, turning away, hoping he could formulate a normal sentence if his gaze wasn't fixed on hers.

"Yeah," Sabine said.

The silence between them ended while it could still be called beautiful instead of awkward, and Ezra couldn't help but watch as Sabine walked away, intermingling herself into the crowd.

A sigh forced itself out of his lungs, followed by half a dozen deep breaths in an attempt to bring his heartbeat back to a normal level.

"Dude, you've got it so bad for her."

Ezra turned to see Wedge standing next to him, datapad in hand. "At least, that's what the comments say," Wedge continued.

"You believe everything you read on the holonet?"

"Sometimes they've got some truth to them," he said, and began to read off the screen in front of him, "'A major win for swagless cringefail boys everywhere.' 'This was not on my 3273LY bingo card.' 'Didn't know Bridger could pull.'"

Ezra looked over his shoulder at the screen. "Wedge, that last comment was yours."

"Come on, let us have this," Wedge said, "rogue squadron's been waiting for something to happen with you guys for cycles now."

"Why's everyone so interested in me and Sabine anyways?" Ezra asked. "Don't you guys have your own lives to worry about?"

"Rebellions are built on hope, Ezra," Wedge said, "and if there's hope for you to somehow work your way out of a five cycle friendzone, there's hope for us all."

"Shows what you know. Until I get a chance to talk things out with Sabine, I'm still in the friendzone." Ezra stopped talking and thought about his words for half a second. "That sounded a lot less pathetic in my head."

Wedge laughed, as though he thought Ezra's verbal slip-up was an intentional attempt at humor. Ezra laughed along just to keep that illusion alive.

"Whatever you say, Bridger." Wedge said. "Just do me a favor: If things don't work out with you and Sabine, wait to tell Darklighter until after I've gotten the thirty credits from him."

Ezra shook his head. "I oughta tell General Dodonna that your squadrons have nothing better to do than place bets on other people's personal lives."

"Like that's gonna do any good," Wedge said, "Mart's already got him down for seventeen credits too."

For those keeping score, like Ezra was: Supposed Allies Making A Joke Of Ezra's Personal Life: 7, Ezra: zero.

Definitely a zero.

🧡.📱.💜

#sabezra #fanfic #fanfiction #kazzy writes #sabine wren #ezra bridger #canon divergence #otp: im counting on you #star wars rebels #STAR CROSSED REBELLION HEROES SHARE A PASSIONATE KISS ON LIVE BROADCAST (NOT CLICKBAIT!!!!!)#jai kell #hondo ohnaka #wedge antilles #sabezra week #sabezra week 2024

22 notes · View notes

atiny-for-life · 2 months ago

Text

Xikers Full Storyline Explained - Part 5

Masterlist

위치 (WITCH)

Regarding the title, the Korean means "Location" but sounds like "Witch", making it some clever wordplay they actively utilize throughout the song.

If you played Maze of Choice, the YouTube multiple choice game they released as part of the album promotions (and which I covered here), you will already have an idea of what this MV is about

We open on a ticket booth standing amidst a narrow path colored similarly to the album cover - orange and black

The sign above the booth asks "WHERE IS YOUR LOCATION?", indicating once you're in, you won't know where to go

Junmin then appears, walking into the empty corridor, only for black smoke-like creatures to rush by and make a desk appear right in front of him (you can hear their screech just before his own voice comes in in the song's opening)

Going by his behavior, it's clear he has no idea where he is or any recollection of donning the clothes he's now wearing, which means their memories were wiped before they came here, presumably by TRICKY

With no other option but to play along, Junmin picks up the folded card on the table ahead and finds the words "Do you want to make a bet with me?" in a golden cursive font

Except, there is no way for him to choose: the moment he finishes reading, he's dragged away by an unseen force

My best guess here is this takes place at the same time as Maze of Choice and is showing us the recruitment process they all went through at the hands of TRICKY before they were given their powers in Rockstar

The lyrics seem to support this by telling us "You're already in TRICKY HOUSE"

We see them all in their formal uniforms after this, hair either nicely slicked back or free of product, prim and proper students as Namoo (and presumably the government and society) desires in this corporate-run world where fulfilling your predestined role is all you get to have in life

We next get Yechan's verse where they first use the wordplay of "I know your location (위치) but I'm not a WITCH"

While the others are running through parts of the maze, he's being actively attacked by the black cloud-like creatures who restrain his arms, presumably after he failed to choose the right direction

At the end of his verse, we get the first sign of TRICKY and the dokkaebi's blue fire as he wears his schoolbag and reaches for a falling sheet of paper which ignites upon his touch, presumably indicating he's picked the right one

We next see Jinsik and Hyunwoo in an office meeting room in which all the employees wear white masks

Just like in Maze of Choice and the Bittersweet Preview, we see them navigating this world together, which leads me to assume they were the only ones who already knew each other prior to getting chosen by TRICKY

Going by the lyrics, we can tell they're all going a little bonkers in this maze - constant dead ends, looping back to the start, everyone they come across lies to them, and they keep falling for trick after trick

Huge shout out to the choreography at this point (BBTrippin never disappoints) - it truly is a theatrical performance visualizing the lyrics and if you haven't watched a full live stage yet, you absolutely should - they're crushing it

Following Junmin's lines, we move on to Sumin's rap verse during which one of the dokkaebi's blue flames guides him to a locker through which he enters a new section of the maze

Note here how we transition with the blue flame and now see Sumin in red-white-and-black clothing as opposed to his school uniform (we'll come back to that in a second)

There are more masked workers in this section, all wandering a warehouse full of garment bags filled with clothes kept in shades of red, white, and black

While he's there, it suddenly gets darker and a spotlight finds him before white crumpled up paper falls from the ceiling which reminds me of the end of Tricky House when all the paper airplanes, dust and ghost-like objects were flying around

Minjae, already changed out of his uniform as well, is up next and also finds the garment warehouse where he gets surrounded by the masked employees who seem to capture him and throw him to the ground

Upon hitting the floor, he pounds his fist against it which seems to make the employees disappear, leaving him by himself

And this is when the lyrics first indicate he's actually enjoying this... he thinks it's a beautiful night

The music video has taken a turn: we've skipped to the present and, as we've seen in We Don't Stop, in the present, Xikers have already gotten used to their powers and befriended TRICKY, willingly choosing to live in its world

And that world includes the maze they started out in so, as they switch from their school uniforms to black-white-and-red attire, we can see them becoming a part of TRICKY's world with all the powers which come with it

After escaping, they learned the maze's layout, they know where to go, where to find everyone, how to trick and mess with them - we're now their victims

We see Junmin in his new outfit, his fist still on the ground, presumably after also making the masked people disappear, the floor now littered with clothing items in greens and blues

And we also see Jinsik, sitting in the clouds above the maze (on what we later get to see is a giant pair of scissors with the name 'xikers' engraved on it), free to look down and watch the lost people wander the maze now that he's also all dressed up in TRICKY's colors

They highlight this contrast between then and now in the next shot as well: we see Yujun wander the hallway full of doors in his uniform before we zoom out to Hyunwoo in the present looking at the maze's model, all cool, calm, and collected

The way to escape seems to be to not just follow the blue spirit fire, but to actively entrap one of the orbs, which we get to see Minjae do near the end of the video after our rap-trio's shared verse

One more shoutout the choreography at this point because, after this, they make it seem like Hunter has freakishly long arms through simple visual blocking and strategic arm placement - it's such a neat little trick

We close out with a group performance to the chant of "We already know your location" contrasting the opening question on the ticket booth and further playing with the song title

The final shot is all nine shushing us, index fingers to their lips, as we see their acquired dokkaebi spirit orbs - 10 in total because Junghoon is here in spirit

#xikers #xikers lore #Minjae #Junmin #Sumin #Jinsik #Hyunwoo #Hunter #Seeun #Yujun #Yechan #House of Tricky

19 notes · View notes

transfemme-shelterdog · 7 months ago

Text

Timothy Francis LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins have had an insurmountable impact on modern Christianity, and some of you aren't ready to have this conversation.

For those who aren't aware, these two men are the authors of the Left Behind series of books, which has 16 books, 5 movies, and a children's book series, that follows a group of people from the Rapture, onto the end of the Tribulation period, where Jesus comes back for a mighty war to wipe out the forces of Satan.

This book series was arguably the next most popular book, next to the Bible, and still is, for many Christians. Enter any thrift shop, and you're guaranteed to find at least a few of these books in the used books section.

These books are essentially AO3 fan-fiction where the authors took vague symbolism from AD 81–96, and applied it to modern geo-politics, and invented a whole storyline to fit the two author's views on things such as Judaism, Catholicism, the United Nations, Liberal Secularism, and other concepts that are either not in the Bible, or are completely different from our modern understanding of it (Judaism has evolved from the times of Jesus for example).

This book series took what was essentially a fringe view from the 1800s, that's not even held by a lot of denominations today, and made it mainstream and easy to market through average level prose.

So, how has one series that is really only known for shitty Nick Cage films, and books that aren't really seen outside of church libraries affected non-Christians globally?

Well, global warming for example. Many, many, people think that because "Jesus is coming back soon" that we don't need to do anything to prevent the destruction of the world we live in, because it's all going to be gone in a few years anyways, so why should I care?

They often cite the book of Genesis, where God pledges to never kill the world again with water, and by their logic, the ice caps can't be melting because God promised to never flood the world again.

Many policy decisions also center around this, such as global support for Israel by Conservative and Liberal (yes, even Liberals, who are often Christian too) parties, as there's this ongoing belief that one must support Israel, as they're a vital part in "End Time's Prophecy", and that any day now, the Anti-Christ will arise in the Middle East, preform miracles, and be declared the Messiah (falsely), which then starts the war of Gog and Magog, with Russia, Syria, and other countries around the globe partaking in it.

Name any modern shitty policy, and it can be traced back to the concept of the Rapture. Abortion? Anti-Trans/Gay laws? Gun control? All of these have links to Pre-Millennial Dispensationalism.

Some scholars have written on this, such as Bart Ehrman when he wrote the book Armageddon, but I have yet to see any scholar write about the more nitty gritty stuff that you see from pastors and random schmucks on YouTube, that I've seen growing up in a family that believes in this stuff.

Hard to believe that a letter written about a conspiracy theory back ~1950 years ago, is being used to backslide human rights and throw gas on the extinction of life on the planet.

Thanks John Nelson Darby!

#.txt #theology #christianity #politics

5 notes · View notes

goose-books · 2 years ago

Note

i read your wips intro/masterpost, they all look super cool (!!!) but the status sections look like they haven’t been updated in awhile—any updates?

first of all, THANK YOU!!! means a lot whenever anyone checks out my posts! i have a tendency to forget this blog exists, which i can only blame partially on my being in school; i'm part of a thriving community of writing discord servers, and so i've gotten into the habit of sharing more writing there than here. also, from the bottom of my heart, i never have any idea what to post. so thank you x2 for asking for an update, because i can certainly do that!

in the order of the intro post, shall we? (which i have now updated, because it was bothering me.)

The Mortal Realm & Quark: "starting second draft summer 2021," he said (about the first). so that was a fucking lie. summer 2021 i spent working at a children's summer camp, which, while i love kids, sapped my sickly-victorian-boy strength like tuberculosis. and then i went off to college! so quark didn't happen in the fall, either.

both of these are on indefinite hiatus for now, but not shelved! as my oldest long-running projects and the ones that saw me through some specific parts of my life, they're very important to me, and i think about the characters and plots frequently. that said, i've grown a lot since i began each one, so some of my old plans no longer align with the sort of things i like to write now... both are probably due for a rehaul, and as i'm focused on other projects atm, i'm not sure when that will be! but they idle in the back of my brain like screensavers.

A Modern Tragedy: the scripts for AMT are entirely finished! (barring the intermission episode i never wrote, i suppose.) i wrote the last words and immediately encountered some issues, namely: i know how to write, but not how to record and produce a podcast. plus, a podcast-enjoying friend of mine who read the scripts pointed out that honestly, AMT has too many characters to work as an audio drama; i have written a TV show in audio form. and speaking of things i know how to do less than producing a podcast--producing a TV show. so at present i sort of just... have this. sitting on my computer. i've half a mind to just post the scripts on this blog; if you're interested in seeing them... you can certainly shoot me a dm.

darkling: this behemoth is fully drafted, goddamn it, and i did do a round of beta readers over summer 2021. that said, this thing scares me. i am far better at drafting than i am at editing, and approaching a 200,000 word book (yes. i know. i know) to rip the seams out and kick that word count into shape intimidates me. i think perhaps we should all be very mean to me until i acquiesce to sniffing the draft through the bathroom door (??? <- will being mean to me work? unclear)

Valentine van Velt is Dead: oh now this is ridiculous; have i really not updated the intro post in over a year? i suppose not. valentine van velt is out! i posted the book in full in google doc, pdf, and epub forms; you can read it right now today!

love, h: finally something on the intro post is true. this is still in brainstorming mode, less because i haven't figured it out and more because i need to enter another intense hamlet phase to be able to write it properly. it'll happen.

godsong: ah, and we approach the reason the rest of these projects haven't gotten done. my silly little lesbian aeneid is eating my brain. in the past year and a half, i have 1. plotted an entire trilogy 2. written a book and a half 3. spiraled into related AUs for literally over a hundred words. the problem with writing a project that combines multiple hyperfixations is that it will crawl into your brainstem and never ever ever ever leave you alone. ever.

...which is to say that i've written a godsong! i've completed a first draft of the first book and i'm currently drafting the second; i've learned that editing scares me and bogs me down, so i'm riding this hyperfocus as far as it'll take me before i do a beta-reading round. this may come as a shock, because i've posted very little about godsong compared to my other projects, and again, this is because i have no idea what to post. every now and then i get frightened about posting real excerpts, in case it somehow fucks me up copyright-wise. this is a largely irrational fear that i have anyhow. i'm dicking around trying to make character moodboards for intro posts, but i keep running into the moral quandary of whether i can knowingly use unsourced pinterest images, like, morally. unrelated, yeah i do have OCD, how did you know?

thank you for asking after my projects, anon! ^_^ this was a very nice ask to receive and it reminds me i really ought to post here more often... if i ever scrounge up enough pictures from fucking unsplash, we'll see about those intros. if anyone has questions, opinions, or suggestions for future maxblog activities, feel free to shoot me an ask!

#honks at you softly and oh so sweetly.#max.txt

8 notes · View notes

esotericfaery · 1 month ago

Text

Intimate Spiritual Diaries, 17 - I Should Have Remained a Virgin, Yet I Have No Regrets (Includes Asteroids, Arabic Lots & Fixed Stars)

(Note: no trigger warning required.)

The most obvious, and exoteric reason for why I'm now celibate, is my Virgo stellium, which I've shared about at length.

There's more in my Astrology to show why virginity would have been an ideal life for me.

I know that lifelong virginity is as rare as is celibacy. However, this entry can help you identify times where it's ideal for you to take breaks from dating, to recover if it ended difficultly, and also just to check in with yourself to make sure of centredness, groundedness and satisfaction enough while single. This will allow for firm rootedness within, and an empowered outlook on dating, leading to easier recognition of red flags, and less time spent giving chances to the wrong people.

- Love, a now celibate woman who has virginal warrior Goddess Pallas Athene in grounded & resilient Taurus, in the 1st house of the core identity.

The names with numbers in brackets are asteroids and hypothetical points, and you can find yours by entering your birthdate, with those numbers separated each by a comma in the extended chart section of astro.com, plus entering the names of the fixed stars the same way. You can find your Arabic Lots at astro-seek.com, by mousing over the free horoscopes section, and choosing various Astrology calculations at the bottom of the menu.

The previous entry focused on celibacy; a choice which can be made later in life, while virginity is original purity. I hope to eventually, through occultic and psychological means, reach a stage of my psyche where I feel fully virginal, even though I'm not. I know I'm on the path, as Astrology has allowed me to make great, firm and decisive strides recently.

While if I could go back in time, I would choose to have remained a virgin, I feel no shame. I no longer regret being alone, because that's not the same thing as being lonely. While this is a process & sometimes I still do feel a bit lonely, mostly I'm centred and grounded in the now, as I look forward to another half of this life in freedom from the distractions and abuses of romantic entanglements with men.

My lifestyle was not created due to sexual repression or shame. Blessed with a healthy childhood which was free of religious or other oppression as regards sexuality, I have never felt ashamed of such a natural & healthy part of being human. My regret is due to the uninformed decisions I made to be with a few men who ended up having such severe mental illnesses that I was not equipped to be with them.

Let's get into these virginity aspects, and you can see if you have any which are the same or similar. Let me know if you find anything here that helps.

More on my asteroid Pallas Athene: She's in several close occultic (hidden knowledge) "secondary" aspects to Jupiter (expansion), Neptune (truth vs. Illusion), Juno (committed marriages), Mercury (thoughts & communications), Saturn (restrictions & responsibilities), Descendant (the type of person one attracts for romance), & Vertex (fate), in the 6th house of everyday routines and overall health. They're all conjunct (mixing their energies closely together).

She's also square (massively painful friction) Vesta (virginal, sensual purification, sacred sexuality) and Venus (love, beauty, romance, creativity) in the 5th house of dating.

Then, there's an exact (closest; at the same degree) conjunction with asteroid Alekto:

Strategic, relentless enforcing of moral order, to reach reconciliation and objective balance, through intellectual & intuitive occult work, while recognizing the patterns of human behaviour, and overcoming psychological blocks to gain clarity.

It was easy enough to think I was that way because I'm a Virgo stellium, but this is actually more precise.

The more I learn about Astrology, the more I see how precision of aspects has far greater impact than whether or not those aspects are with planets or so-called "secondary" placements.

I had the feeling that Pallas was important to me somehow, but didn't know why until now.

Sabian Symbol - 5° Taurus - A widow at an open grave - Focus on avoiding surrender to frustration which would descend to ineptitude, for complete and confident composure which would transcend disappointment.

Exact conjunction of [h56] White Moon Selena, [55555] DNA - 29° 37' 15", Arabic Lot Benevolence.

Recognition of oneself in another with a feeling of purity, bliss & eternity, freeing oneself from karma and judgements. Successful, benevolent spiritual guidance into inner divinity.

This made it difficult for me to not seek romance. I now choose to only act on the parts of this which free me from judgements and karma, plus allow me success and benevolent spiritual guidance to build up and maintain my inner divinity.

[50] Virginia, [5261] Eureka, [105] Artemis, plus Arabic Lots: Acquaintances, Honourable and Illustrious, Honourable and Illustrious Acquaintances, Famous Friends, Trickery & Deceit, Cooperation I.

Sudden shock or clarity within unfair treatment, leading to freedom, tradition & purity, in the areas of the Lots.

Gratitude for all I had been given to help me recover from the instances where I had felt heartbroken.

Vesta conjunct fixed star Asellus Borealis.

Responsibility & charitable nature from a standpoint of purity, to make sacrifices for the greater good. Danger of violence is protected through the power of spiritually transforming sexual energy into ritual work.

[37117] Narcissus exactly conjunct Arabic Lots Children (Time, Number, & Sexes of), Condition of Males, Controversy, Discord; Controversy, Discord; Lawsuits, Lawsuits, Discord & Controversy, Waste & Extravagance, Love & Marriage II, Marriage & Love II, Praise & Acceptance, & Sentiment.

At a critical degree for Aquarius, the intense desire I felt to idealize my partners is no surprise. Keep in mind that there are many instances where things happen through projection towards you; not the energy which you are creating and projecting.

The lawsuits Lots have to do with karmic law.

[22] Calliope / Kalliope exactly conjunct Arabic Lots Contentment, Intercourse (Verbal, Trade, and for ??female??), Love & Concord, Love & Entertainment, Love II, Marriage of Men II, Peace, Property Management, Sex & Love, Sweet Foods, Trickery & Deception of Men & Women & Venus (Love).

I used to write romantic poetry, with the help of the muse of epic poetry and eloquence, along with the above Lots. I don't feel its loss, as I'd always written spiritual poetry too, so I can still do that.

[1488] Aura, [494] Virtus, Arabic Lots Energy, Stimulation, Sex Drive & Libido exactly square Sun.

Projecting or sometimes perceived as projecting from within my aura, as per those Lots. With this exact, highly painful friction involving my Sun (ego), I now understand multiple difficult experiences which made no sense to me at the time. I now understand why there have been so many instances in which men have insisted that I was attracted to them when I wasn't (though this doesn't mean they lack responsibility for their behaviours).

Thankfully, I also see here that I have powerful virtue which helped heal these issues.

#asteroid astrology #asteroids in astrology #pallas athena #vesta #astrology #intimate spiritual diaries

0 notes

randomclam24 · 1 year ago

Text

If nothing else, now trying Project Brutality on I am the Painkiller difficulty with Death Wish spawning now beyond episode 1

7/21 night Can't sleep.

A question for deciding what format a recreation of my honest Mario 64 dreams which are mostly nightmares would be, what format would work best for the setpiece that's going to be right there when you enter the front lobby? For some reason, based upon a view from beneath of the llama in DK64's Angry Aztec after freeing him and seeing it in a temple, I had a nightmare of having the same view of a fire-breathing dragon filling up the lobby from Super Mario 64 when you enter, and when it happens, the respawning setting you back through the entry doors to the same room creates a potential infinite loop which has to be actively broken. It's a definite thing that if you enter through the front gates of the castle in the clouds, you get the uncanny fire-breathing dragon burning you alive in an infinite loop of respawning.

That's probably the only part that sounds profound, where the rest sounds like some random crap, although the absolute level of negative emotional aura that comes from them might make them stand apart from everything else, but that would require a dedicated dramatic lighting system.

In the past weeks, I've had multiple dreams taking place in either apartments or weird college dormitories where, in keeping with the theme of SH4 that you can't get out, even if it's just the apartment as a whole, Walter Sullivan can be found in the apartment room itself. He talks in the usual demeanor but like he's some real hot shit. It's *very* disturbing. The last one was in a revisited section of apartments where if you set off a tripwire event, either Walter Sullivan shows up to where you have no choice but to jump out the window onto the ground more than a story below, or Two Pyramid Heads show up for the same event, or all of them. After that event, running away because of who's pursuing, it becomes a new iteration of this idea of Silent Hill being a very sprawling open world, where people actually live in it and it seems like monsters only come out at night. Here, it's the dead of night.

Update I don't think there's much of my dreams I personally appreciate that isn't something bizarro.

7/22 night There is another Lacey's games

Update

I feel like there was a horror fantasy that existed in my mind with representations of pig people from Courage the Cowardly Dog that was never really played out in the show itself that appeared here. Honestly, it could have been a lot worse

Update We're going to transcribe the actual quote from Earthbound that I found to relate to internally and see if it actually reflects the same sentiment.

"That's right, I'm a bus driver. For now, I'm resting. Life is long... take it easy, chubs." *refers you to get acquainted with your town map (if you have it)*

So it's surprising that there were three words out of that that apply, and I still took the existential aspect of it. Actually no, the whole setting of Twoson as a world expansion embellishes the quote

Update It's too long

7/22 I finally got overproof again Even in the other sections besides rum, they don't have any of the labels with more than 100 proof on it. They're all more like 40% ABV.

I'm not exactly playing Russian Roulette, but I think this has to do with the fact that I feel like the actual mandatory part of my mission is over

My mom's having me go on a diet starting about now - her making me do things takes the form of her self-talk in nagging me about it finally taking shape as some statements start to stick in her mind and eventually I'll be doing computer programming

The real effect of this stuff is that, in the same way it's said old age is your second childhood, I want to be able to not worry about things for once

I really don't think it matters if I die drinking while failing at Cuphead and Mugman

You guys, you can leave anytime

I'm starting now because my parents are going out to eat somewhere *they* want to go, while they already took me out the other night already and I told them to just leave me home this time, and it's Sunday tomorrow, where they're off at church half the entire day.

Ask a neurotypical churchgoer how it's benefited them over personally reading the King James Version - the fact of it being impossible to actually get through to them to actually communicate that is another evidence we're living across a dimensional rift effectively from these people

I literally don't want to hear "*just* be nice to people", because if you were going to limit it to *that*, don't even go to church

I don't know what letting the situation develop is even going to yield: there will still be the usual response of, "oh, poor white people! (that's sarcasm - get real)"

I mentioned about a month earlier in a lower post being updated on deviantart inspiration coming from the author of Ulysses - that was at the very top of the list of national-class-selected literary works to do a book report on in senior year of high school, and I just jumped on it - I know about his niece's(?) reaction take on it, and it was that he had finally gone mad. What would it actually be like to write like that

You can't lazy-man your way through Cuphead and Mugman. Easy clears don't clear the level barriers.

When my uncle Bob and some other relatives, one of whom was from Germany and only spoke that language, visited, Bob was more than willing to play videogames in the spare time we had here. We played Bioshock on Xbox 360, and that was about the point where I deemed it a major goal to visually review Xbox 360, PS3, and PC versions of this game to determine which has the most charm. I thought it was just the PC version - big surprise - but I haven't gotten my dad to play Bioshock ever since that.

I don't want to think about this: what would perfecting a system likened to James Joyce's writing style for mirroring thoughts benefit other than tech giants who already survey psychology

Buckets of water being dumped on your head, water balloons, and supersoakers - things I won't experience again because I'm too mature now - technically there was always paintball, but - no real commitment, so I never went into it

I honestly don't even care about this enough to make it a legitimate issue, but evidently my dad never had enough respect of what a higher IQ means relative to the need to have other people teach you things versus reading about them in person firsthand - my mom was the one who really valued the fact From what I've seen, she doesn't know what autism means and just thinks it's an automatic effect of such an IQ, which is why she insists upon it

I think about contrarianism to the status quo on enough layers, and all that comes to mind is anti-natalism (Antinatalism - Wikipedia) - we need something more nuanced than that

Anti-natialism, except it's that meme, paraphrasing, I grew up knowing the world would be cold and unforgiving, but I never imagined it being this gay and stupid

That Biblical reality "know yourself" - I think I'm overdoing that to a fault But I don't have anything better to do - even doing my homework doesn't seem like as much a progression

The biggest blunder I've made with some viewers socially I think is this act of mine of taking up the challenge with people who think that it's alright to amount unresolvable conflicts to violence by their word - so in a sense they're *hypocrites*, because the same isn't valid And yet in their terms, they're still absolutely right - I just sense brainwashing

I've done all this drinking, and I've even listened to some of the music too, but I've never gone to a club before - I've heard you're not missing anything

Okay, just sum it up to this: I had a bunch of artworks on deviantart which I never really went through explaining the energy itself of, and that was for a long while, a very long time.

I just went over them. Basically: There's unresolved trauma

*I will play Saya no Uta* and see what results

With the way you can barely even find it in stores, I think I *will* just hold it against people that they aren't "overproof" in their convictions, if you know what I mean Actually, in fact, I've never considered it a bestowment to be smarter, in IQ (there is a *big* gangstalking cue going on right now) - like, could I just consider myself "extra" and leave it at that?

I've heard the saying "too smart for your own good" - if you're a Christian, "he who knows what is right and does not do it has sinned" itself gets complicated?

I mean, if it comes down to it: the kind of discourse I wanted to have was bridging the gap between the veritable "dimensions" of politics and its underbelly. So if things are going easy on me the whole way through, I'm doing something wrong.

A memory: in Boy Scouts, there was a quarry by a standard place scouts would go to camp out in in interconnected cabins with wooden platforms with ladder-stairs. But when it came down to that competition in the quarry, where we were doing capture-the-flag I became a ninja

Yeah, somehow nobody noticed me rock-climbing

The day before, some adults with their sons were showing off guillie suites and what they could accomplish

Feeling like "getting it" doesn't mean *shit* when everybody's goal who is a white male made self-aware is to drop out

I wish working my ass off didn't now mean doing the same thing as conformist "beaners" and "pajeets" who will just do whatever the establishment of corporate governance *wants* them to do

I actually like working my ass off when all the connotations aren't involved because I need something to keep myself distinguished from people with lower IQs to convince myself I'm not lacking despite the fact

It was specifically when, in community college, not *even* a liberal arts college, that a college computer science textbook on the back cover said (when I knew about homosexual programmer socks) "you know you want it" - no more

I love you guys I frequent, but I wish Original Content (OC) wasn't so sparse and far between

Is it an overstatement to say you guys are keeping me sane?

If the situation shifted to where working your ass off like boomers virtue-signal no longer identified implicitly with the establishment, I think I would go ahead and *do* it

Update I know I denounce atheism as people who have a mangled image of what it means to have a father figure, hence by proxy slandering the Bible and its Lord, but when it comes down to it, I don't have any positivist image of a father as a spiritual leader.

My dad is a computer programmer, and he is obsessive.

One reason for not wanting to just ramble about my true feelings, despite the fact that I'm articulate enough for it: there are true sick fucks monitoring my thoughts, so for example, the concept of going more in-depth with something like the way Earthbound's cave music sampled in creepypasta actually kind of entices me would have consequences on the other end.

If you get drunk enough, unironically pool hentai files, real-life or otherwise

That's not thinking of just anybody involved

I'm sorry

But honestly, asking my older cousin about the concept of sharing porn just to have him be reviled or something to that effect, I was surprised, mainly because he specifically said what *he* had would be too *much* for someone like me, in *my* league - so...

But that's the same guy who said he took it up the ass (to try it? (?)) (He said it wasn't great)

Update There are a lot of videogames that were for simpler platforms that I wouldn't consider to be any good now - that's simply because I'm older

*None* of my best hentai is recent

Update It seems like, even if I *did* go a little off the rails, for the rest of you, that moment would be just what is called "trouble in paradise"

I feel like I'm being tickled all over Sorry

Update I threw up. I want to think there's some meaning to the purists' "pray the anime away", but even now, it seems superficial

The pioneers threw up when dining with the Native Americans after a long trek, and then kept eating. I don't know.

Update Maybe the drinking is a cry for help.

I'm just playing Earthbound to whatever game over My parents just got home from Bellacino's with pizza Ouch

Update By my mom's metric, she would be saying her nerves are shot right now.

Real talk - the way liberal professors said they were shocked by the state of pupils from their generation then growing up, what if I'm also a complete and utter dumbass in my example

Update I remember being on a cruise ship with my parents on the sea to Jamaica and back, where I could barely stomach it. I hate this. This is worse than that.

Update It might be according to gangstalking, but my mom always says "*no* alcohol!" whenever we go to Wal-Mart (to no avail) - I *want* to be able to relate to other people in that regard.

I don't want everything to remain superficial. I'm always so pent-up, unconscious restraint always accomodates for what everyone else considers a conscious moral. In my case, it's not even conscious, but practically against my will.

Update What my dissenters among friends post, I would appreciate if you posted something extremely weird that took me by surprise.

Update after some sleep One thing's certain: If that comment I saw about how you have to just accept certain things as they are if you want to do Dark Souls had any merit, we wouldn't be seeing the mass dropout rate of white males from the system as the result of the current awakening. Instead those people would be *in* the system *doing* something.

7/23 night The latest Lacey's games, I'm still thinking about it (suddenly there was a big booming noise like a thunderstorm was coming again - there's another one)

7/24 How to get out tha hood in 3 easy steps

1: Run. Really fast

I have this thing where, if I'm not doing it all at the last second with all of the worrying involved in that, it feels like I'm just giving final affirmation to conformism once and for eternity

Update Okay. I think I've struck something. I remembered that during the time when I had to learn Physics II at the college level in under two weeks because there were *other* subjects that needed that same treatment as well, there was a way of looking at things that didn't stick but was there for that time where instead of looking at the individual items of information as things that need to be read into, like where women expect men to be psychics, instead just take everything at face value for what can be read out in that span of time per se and then just move on until you find the better explanation of those things in the text. That seems to have worked.

Update It seems like what we went into getting myself medicated to address, but there doesn't seem to be anything to specifically get me to stop looking too deeply into things once I'm set in the grind of doing them rather than just continuing to look at them at face value to get the raw information that constitutes the education and nothing else.

Update Unironically all I did so far was stop sitting on the side of my bed with the table right in front of it and used the desk chair and boosted it up to one of the higher seat positions, and I'm going through this faster. Also, I just got through sleeping all last evening to this afternoon, barely unbroken - about 19 hours

Now I don't know what people mean when they say being drowsy when you get up is because you sleep too much, because I had that when I woke up in the morning, but after then sleeping until the afternoon, it felt divine.

Update I think the reason I always wanted to try to go back to the mentality I had with school when it was just elementary school had to do with the fact that before people saw how far ahead I would try to go on my own and condition me not to, it seemed like everything was going to be a cakewalk. But then it turned out to be a matter of sitting and *waiting* for 90% of the duration of anything that does exist in this world, because that *is* how it is structured.

Now, for some reason, even when I do make significant progress, it feels like all the waiting involved in the classroom setting has passed also, and it's like I feel the pain of all that, and that discourages me.

Update Eventually, trying to type out all the material, which I do need to do to keep focused enough to internalize the material, starts to sound like rambling for its own sake, and there's nothing I can do about that.

Update Okay, this is an exception. For once, I've slept long enough to not want to go to sleep as soon as I try drinking, and that will probably not happen again any time soon because I don't sleep enough.

What are goals

So as soon as I'm done helping put away dinner, it's on

Update I hate how it's basically true in my case that alcohol, or a bit of it, loosens your inhibitions with interacting with other people where you couldn't otherwise. If that wasn't the case, what if I just lived my life?

Honestly, in a way, I wanted the experience in order to honestly make the judgment against people who are perpetually poor, but when it comes down to it, for most people, who aren't high-IQ and potentially neurotic, I don't see them get all existential about it like me. I think "overqualified" is a real concept here.

I honestly wonder why no one's made the consideration, what if tranny people actually had a reassignment surgery that worked in every sense that they claim? Right now, it doesn't - but science fiction has gone there long before this has been relevant. What if the reason people aren't open about it isn't even because they're uptight per se but because they're consciously aware, from experience these past generations, that every metapolitical issue is being used as a proxy for the whole of political correctness now? Because in that case, *I'm* not even going to go there now.

In Portal 2, I liked the saying they used that it takes someone particularly bright to make decisions this bad, which is their explanation for how the main character robot with the Irish accent got created. But in that is also something implicit: that regular stupid isn't simply going to create a high-level infraction just like that, by mere chance. In that is an implicit anti-evolutionism, because of the logic used. And I basically just now thought of the connection between that and sin as "missing the mark", in its Biblical meaning - it takes someone getting very close to the original meaning to then mess it up in their example for everyone else. That sounds like what sin meant Biblically, if that's the definition they were going by: literally leading the lambs astray. The meaning "to miss the mark" for sin Biblically illustrates how it can be done by accident.

I *would* like for church to feel more "real", not coming from myself as a complete outlier but from other people in those positions. But if it's like the accusations to Protestantism say, and all they're going to do is create their personal translations, then what's the point

Update The base level of discourse online is so bad - oh, please, *justify* me staying sober!

This seems to be the drill by now: start to post less as you drink, but if you have a memory come back because of it, you can post it

People used to talk using the home telephone, and conversations used to be a kind of art - at least from what I've heard, but you get the idea

I don't even use social media for sociality, at all, whatsoever

It was because I actually used Steam's chat for more socialization than actual social media that I mistakenly tried painting it as "social media" in a class that called for it, expecting every student to come up with something unique, and it was weird

I shouldn't have even been in a class for social media, other than that that's where I learned firsthand that they've been using algorithms even for things like new music for years.

I just remembered something. It used to be a thing in ancient history to take melodies that already existed and compare them for their chord progressions. I don't imagine that's what was in mind with these algorithms. No, according to the class, it's because of things that keep the majority's attention most likely, over anything else.

If you're tired about hearing about me, imagine how I feel having to be myself.

Update I can't share just my personal desires with the masses

What if it's true that the kinds of people who are great writers aren't great leaders and that the kinds of things expected of great leaders, I *don't* have in mind?

Dude, I think I finally found the words for what I was trying to say: Movies like Finding Nemo, the original, movies that came out like that once every so often now are so rare

Every so often, a thought in the ballpark of this surfaces - people always consider horniness an unwholesome thing, but is there no form in which these urges can be taken out in a way that is? Clearly not for kids, but still.

One thing I heard recently is that in this rare case someone got a virgin bride, all that sexual energy that would normally be taken out (these days) on many men is all focused upon you, and they said they found it cute.

Come to think of it, we're so far removed from colonial Americana, it shouldn't even be *attempted* to be pushed under the rug and hidden

Update I saw Common Filth call out escapism which I'm liable for and not give any alternative, not anything that stood out as meaningful

Out of all the people coming out of the "woodwork" to be reactionary to me, I don't see anyone per se trying to "correct" me

Honest to Lord God Jesus, there were people written about in the Bible like John the Baptist who survived just on berries

It just occurred to me that in Biblical times preceding the New Testament, it was written pastors would be struck down by lightning if they approached their preaching scene in the improper mindset to preach for the Lord. Why did that happen?

I'm not special. I may be very precise and accurate, for things that can be known by simple means, but actually being special categorically - I don't think so.

The sense of childish wonderment goes above and beyond that of commitment. Memories like going into the 1994 2.5-D Jurassic Park arcade booth for the first time have no precedent today.

I'm trapped in a sort of cycle of preferring my dreams over reality to then just want to wake up from some of them that are more like nightmares

I don't like the President F*ck Joe and tha Hoe Seriously, who elected that shit? Are you serious? Do these people hog oxygen?

My gangstalking bugging makes people intimidate me, but I wish you people yourselves would impress me. That's stone-cold.

Update And come to think of it, I don't think, even among the people I frequent, there are a lot of people who teach the fear of the Lord out there.

That's where I come up with the half-baked ideation that, for what it is, the fear of gangstalking *is* the modern fear of the Lord, and that's that.

Imgur: The magic of the Internet

I'm given this information online - what more do you want from me

That's in accordance to Biblical age of consent - therefore - what more do you want from me

(Ripe age: 14)

Update Okay, okay, and then you have, how else then are we going to convict these pedophiles in high positions? You're saying you don't have the info already on Satanic ritual abuses?

No really. It seemed machiavellian to me to convict the upper class on pedophilia charges when it's in that age range

Update I've seen it memed organically by people IRL on the Internet only a few times, but for some reason it makes me feel guilty because of the detachment of it: this image of a train station master keeping the time on his pocketwatch, like that's the higher standard above people's feelings. I don't feel good about that. It's emotionless. But at the same time what is unbiased science

Update I really think boredom as a thing with me with people's uploads isn't pronounced enough - in all honesty, I don't know *what* I'm missing, but I have that interest in the surreal aspect of my own dreams that never goes fulfilled

I want someone's intimidation to me for once to not be in an anal way that's completely hollow and unfulfilling

I slept for 19 hours, so despite heavy drinking, for once I can stay up with it without the typical drowsiness - "I take my life like I kept it - up mah sleeces"

You know, I never *thought* of that - for all the celebrities saying that you have to feel pain to assure yourself that you still feel - I've actually heard that there is such a thing as the celebrity who will want to go off and live in a log cabin with a thirteen-year-old girlfriend and never be heard from again, but you can't search that up! I've only in-person heard of it.

How do I describe my barriers to morality? You see things like Bioshock create an extreme example where you obviously are instructed implicitly not to take them up. Is that "poisoning the well"?

I actually *like* the sensation of being at the borderline of my nerves being shot.

You know how your limbs will go to sleep, left under pressure from other body parts long enough? Some people know about that, from what I've heard in-person. It feels like that.

It's like I'm trying to come up with my own "Qabbalah" so it feels iike my life constitutes something

There's a certain level, I'm like the people who never had their asses kicked back throughout grade school to learn from it - but these are subjects not talked about

I want somebody to be tough. I'm so depressed

Update That Trump tape that was so renowned had the same effect as leaks of elites saying you can just take the child prostitutes freely - they're already conditioned for it - not one of the people who visited Epstein's Island has been arrested

Update I don't know how to make text small, but I've had dreams more than I'm comfortable with with, indescribably long tunnels that you have to crawl through - SH4 does come to mind - I don't like it - it's very uncomfortable - some are underwater at the same time - and that's how you get to certain areas that are considered divine in nature as secret areas

As for people who *have* gone through the childhood trauma between the ages of 3 and 4 or so to get a split personality - should they even be allowed to remain alive?

Update Commander Keen, the first three episodes of which were in my childhood throughout, was said to have an IQ of 314, much, much higher than even Jimmy Neutron - what would it be like to have a virtually infinite IQ

Update I'm steady used to everybody considering someone showing off at *my* level being just because I'm a virgin

Update All things considered, it's kind of stupid for me to consider alcohol in the same way that people like my own dad would consider spice level that goes up to Habanero or Ghost Chili peppers - in either case, though, you *could* be hospitalized, and yet my dad still considers it, if only in irony

Idiotic, idiotic - don't do this

Nothing seems like a skill issue anymore; it just seems like a time commitment issue to the dungeon crawl.

Update /pol/ had a logical point they considered their "razor" - is this the "razor" when it comes to real life? People back up through the 70's had *their* idea of what futurism would be like, which has taken precedence up through our own era, really, but socially, you're like, no, age of consent has to remain the arbitrary state it's at - and no matter what, that's because of more modern social insufficiencies, because it's not Biblical. I don't know *how* one would expect to get through the social insufficiencies that are the modern world as a concept as opposed to the ancient world. Well, if you can't just say, it's the jews - then what are you left with? Floundering in the wind

Update I want people there to be able to give me checks-and-balances even at a time like this. The occasional "you fucked up on something potentially" while I'm just sober sounds like virtue-signaling if left entirely by itself And I don't mean a diss by that - I mean what I said by the statement I'm just not impressed, by anything - that's true.

Update I could never get anyone do "do their homework" on what *I* put out - they just put out reactionary videos. No diss, but it's enough that I feel alone

*Small text* I don't know why I think of this now, but there was slated to be an Artemis Fowl movie back in the day of that book series, but it broke up due to financial reasons - I knew someone who actually did the in-depth bottom-of-the-page decoding I read some of the books

Yeah there used to be book sequels to where there would be lore like that, like a sequel to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory that goes above and beyond the surrealism of the elevator at the end - I only vaguely heard about things like that

That was the point I was trying to make, with such references

How am I going to renounce drinking in the future? By admitting somehow that the kind of interest I have now in now rereading books like A Series of Unfortunate Events was not just completely dependent on entering this state, when in reality it kind of was.

Update Related to this state, I've heard in PSA material that it takes 5 entire minutes to drown when pushed under rocks underwater in the currents

I've heard that Monogatari was the primary reason a lot of anime started getting more normalized toward pedophilia

Update How are races supposed to come to terms in America when eventually, it's going to be like, what are we going to do with all the strictly non-conforming? Real questions

"Conservatively", could we have set a limit to illegal immigration such that such an address would no longer be necessary? No one ever brought that one up

Update That your concept of "principled" as a conservative means you can't make an address to the gross exceptions that have been made already - is this real history? Yes, yes it is.

Update I hate youuuuuu

Yeah, the hardest thing to break to people which is still entirely concrete in its truth is that we can't simply take in the entire third world which constitutes the majority of the earth's population and still retain (super-exaggerated) *our democracy*

If I hadn't bought so much alcohol, I could have afforded a mid-tier external hard drive by now and have been playing things like Bioshock Inifinite on this notebook from 2022 for $500. But then my parents would ask me, where did the rest of the memory go

Apparently you have to be an accepted gamma male(TM) to even use the N-word, and that's without the hard-R. There was one point at which I think I got the N-word pass

Update I wish I wasn't universally shadow-banned. That way if I wanted to for example, I could ask, do you want me to continue work on the original release of Ib in 2.5D? It was left at the lobby section for the sake of just giving an example of what the conversion could look like Now there's not going to be an answer given

Update There's so much pressure against people "being white" - maybe that's the reason I'm getting drunk right now

So, at best, speak as a gamma male, not as a "white person"

Update I plain spent too much money on booze in total. If I didn't feel like I was one some kind of mission with it, I wouldn't have.

Update I honestly can't handle as much as i thought. I'm struggling with about the same amount that made me throw up last time.

What if in the end I think I'm entittled to the same welfare that black people are, because I'm simply lazy

Update If I had the motivation, or whatever you call it, to see everything like I did the second grade, that would just be miraculous

I wish my individual life would have higher stakes than just, do what you're told, or we'll throw you away

Viva Pinata (Yes, this is a message a la Q's quest to decipher a message a la "drink your ovaltine")

That'th so *dope*

*smacks lips* ayo where tha white women at?

Update Pussy-vagina - "here -" Pussyvagina

7/26 As a last measure to experimenting with alcohol, I'll see just how much I can still be productive on, as opposed to doing nothing as usual. In fact I am so uptight that a little went a long way.

Update I just remembered something from "back in the day". DK64 had creepy segments where a set of gun sights would start moving around the screen trying to lock on with a timer, introduced with a very harsh voice-over of "Killers!" Even as a kid, it was like, they're introducing the concept of contract killers in a game meant for kids? And the first time it happens is in Angry Aztec's creepy temples whose music is already questionably disturbing for such a game.

Update Things I want for *Christmas* No more gangstalking engines revving in the near distance For some things like a lawn mower going every Wednesday can be chocked up to somebody's schedule, but these revving noises are much more specific than that. But also the start and stop times of the lawn mower are tuned to this as well.

I don't know why *nothing* is a better medication for everyday work than a bit of alcohol as self-medication. From what everybody around me has told, that's *stupid*. I think it's just them *saying* it, though

What if people disrespected people in the way that people do when they don't respect the institution of "muh science", and not *even* the scientific method I'm already used to it. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to keep quiet and out of trouble with these people. But what if *they* had to put up with it? Bitch

Honestly, with this mindset from the substance involved, come to think of it, there's probably a sense of tactile satisfaction that comes from everyday productivity that keeps people *doing* it. I don't have such a thing normally at *all*. That's why then when you have something legitimately hard pop up, it springs me out of my seat and back to bed without a thought being involved

I'm absolutely idiotic. Back in grade school, I had the drive to blaze through anything in curriculum I wanted because it was all compact enough you could do that with little extra effort. That's all I get a sense of satisfaction from, not the course material itself

Even back in college, I wanted to prioritize at some point typing out the Bible in the way you would a textbook, if you do that kind of thing, but what happened - there is so much capitalization, at least one of my pinkies blows out

Maybe trauma does even more to people than what has been let on, because I'll usually find satisfaction in the *setting* of something and be more prone then to space out than actually partake in the thing itself like everyone else is doing

I actually really like Yakisoba noodles, but only the beef kind - they're cheapest at Aldi

Surviving on just Ramen noodles through college - do people really, because they always tell you throughout school you need enough sleep and eating right in order to do well on your tests

I got a 93% on the ending exam for another major section just now, and that's on some alcohol. At the same time I see and I *don't* see what somebody was saying by exclaiming that all these people who get drunk casually think they're in control - I guess you're saying that all of those people don't have that mechanism of keeping oneself in check - because I'm self-aware of it to the extent, you would know just to wait for one second and reassess - that's not on *much*, though

Update I'm having the dream from last night come back hard for some reason - because of the appearance of Kyubey and some other similar creature, there were sudden ruptures that would go through entire blocks of city, leaving everyone dead in its wake, and the only way to get away was to pass through a territory completely owned by Mexicans or something who would attack if they recognized you as not one of them

Apartments with really high floor numbers keep recurring

So classic games, I've already played out the meaningfulness of, and I'm not obsessive to the point of wanting to grind them for particular high scores. Kind of feels the same way now for anything productive - replaceability is absolutely real, and I *realize* that.

It might just be good advice to try to save up on cash in America and then move to a different country where inflation won't be so high.

Honestly, where is the elementary-school rendition of the sense of innate competition going to come from that I say, I'm going to really get ahead in this program - I already have the decent grades to prove myself - actually let's put aside the fact that I have a General Transfer Studies degree - that doesn't get you anything.

It's just that, am I supposed to compete with people in the sense of outdoing how caught up in the system that's going to work them as hard as they can get away with I am?

In Silent Hill 2, there was a definite theme with the basement's basement where someone was locked up where they said they lost their precious ring down there but would never, ever go back. In Silent Hill 4, it seems like that theme has been made into the home in which you live, because of the situation in there. I just feel like 2 and 4 mesh together more as a narrative than the others, and 1 and 3 are left as the "cult" games.

Update So what are the drawbacks to trying to correct things any further hoping to prevent the collapse? It would cause retaliation to go even further.

With this way I'm diagnosed to no tangibility in effect - you can't simply tell a man just following orders he's fucking up

Maybe with some of these people, you're really talking about the fact that their sense of "sticking up for the little guy" entails defending a man just for only doing what he's told, when that's the means by which the earth has experienced its most numerous deaths by genocide.

That's what I tried to say with mentioning people's "better sense of judgment" - that that could just as well have been conditioned into them by someone's orders.

Update Being pressured to do homework to where I was at the boderline of being in a frenzy doing it, I could bypass the fact that the way I normally look at things sober interprets everything as if it's trying to be poetry or something.

Frankly, I want to be able to do this type of thing like it's my laundry and be done with it.

Update much later It got me worked up, but I got over it and found out what I thought was wrong about 7th-gen visuals on PC - typically the "very high" lighting settings are overkill for the level of visuals to where it made it seem somewhat more synthetic where these were visuals that started to look organic up close for the first time. Not even resolution is as high-priority as that, although I made a similar decision with 1080p being overkill for its range as well.

I got Unreal Development Kit downloaded again. What are we going to do with it? Nothing because I'm not skilled.

0 notes

orokukarai · 11 months ago

Text

Favourites:

Shredder Strikes Back Pt1+2 (I'm counting them together)

The Darkness Within (I watched TMNT 2012's fears brought to life episode last night and WOW did I regain new appreciation for this episode. Would have loved this to be a two-parter though so it had time to breathe)

Same as it Never Was

Grudge Match (can we shout out Leo's PTSD? Really good arc)

DNA is Thicker than Water (I'll let FF have a spot, as a treat)

Least favourites

Eh, pick any five BttS episodes but not the one where they enter that video game world. HUN IS A HARDCORE GAMER AND WE WILL RESPECT THAT

Weirdest

The Superhero AU (I like the episode though!!)

Insane in the Membrane (I like this episode too and I'm glad FF redeemed Stockman. Actually I like all the episodes in this section, I'm just saying they're also weird)

The Journal episode (RIP Jersey 😭)

Uhhh when they go back in time with Renet and there are dinosaurs?

When they become dragons in Ninja Tribunal

First four seasons are solid. Lost Season kinda slips, I didn't care about the new characters and the arc/Demon Shredder was kinda eehhh. FF isn't as good either, but I understand they were told to tone down the darkness and add more jokes so I think the writers did the best they could. They're cowards for getting rid of Leo's shell scar. It had some fun episodes even if the stories wasn't as dark. BttS sucked. I hate the new designs. They should have done FF Part 2 instead and ended it when they came back from the future rather than ride on the last TMNT movie (at the time).

I liked Turtles Forever. Hun+80's Raph was hilarious.

I’m Curious

I had a thought just now and felt I needed to ask it. So here’s what I want to know from the 2k3 fanbase;

What are the 5 best, worst, weirdest episodes of this show?

I have a general idea what a few of the best episodes are, but I want to see what the general opinion is for the worst or oddest episodes.

Does the fan base consider arcs as a whole episode, or would a stand out episode of said arc fit better. What about the latter season compared to the first four? How do most people think of Turtles Forever, good, bad, could have been better?

I’m genuinely curious

Respond to this post if you’d like. I’d love to see everyone’s favs and least favs.

#tmnt 2003

84 notes · View notes

whateverthedragonswant · 3 years ago

Text

5x01 - Animals

Alright let's dig into it!

The first subject I'm going to delve into is the animals. Tbf we haven't seen the section with the animals just yet, we only got a glimpse, but we will in upcoming episodes. And it will definitely I think help clarify as to why these particular animals were chosen (besides being the ones available) for this sequence.

1) Vulture -

I think this particular choice was very interesting because we know the vulture is a scavenger and can be a menace when you get near its food. But if there is food nearby, there's a good bet that you will get more then one. So the fact that they had this vulture out there chilling all on its lonesome (when these birds mate for life), not feeding or actively searching for food while the team has to make their way past it is interesting. It's even more interesting when we see the team's reactions. Hen and Chimney are apprehensive at best, Bobby we don't see at all, but we do see Buck and Eddie's reactions:

They're wary and defensive, Eddie more of the latter. Based on that face, he really doesn't like it lol. The vulture also doesn't make a sound until the camera pulls away from Buck and Eddie, moving outward, though they've already spotted the animal.

2) Emus -

(and I cannot tell, is that another vulture in the background or a hawk or what?)

Emus can symbolize power (empowerment) & love among several different things. The males also incubate the eggs and raise the hatchlings. The team seems to relax a little passing by them. No specific reactions are shown separate from the other team members'.

3) Giraffe -

While the giraffe symbolizes many different things such as faith in one's self, gentleness, power, guidance, and leadership, this absolutely has to do with Chim.

Later on in the episode when Maddie finds out about the ransomware attacks, Jee-Yun is wearing pink giraffe pajamas:

(Jee-Yun is so freaking cute btw)

Even though we see everyone's shocked awe at the giraffe, it's Chim's reaction that is the most notable in this part of the scene. And especially when it's Chim that's looked at last in the team (Eddie being the one to turn to look at him).

4) Monkeys -

The monkeys are at a high vantage point and they can symbolize intelligence, mischief, fun/playfulness, and family/bonds. They're making all kinds of noise and looking down at the 118 as they pass by. But they're out of reach and they're not coming down, nor is the 118 focusing on them.

5) Wolves -

We hear the howl of a pack and see 3 wolves pass by in the shot. Wolves can symbolize many different things but most notably: loyalty, teamwork, pack, freedom, and conquering fear. It's possible when we get the full sequence of the 118 dealing with this part of this particular emergency in the upcoming episodes that we will see more interactions with the wolves and the 118 so it may help clarify a little more exactly what they're meant to represent in this group.

6) Camels -

From the overhead shot, we can see these three camels are the only ones around. One dark haired and two tan-haired (I have no idea what the technical names are). Camels represent endurance, toughness, a long journey, that they can carry heavy loads, being self-sufficient, and sacrifice. One of the tan-haired camels even looks up at the team as they enter the plaza.

7) Elephant -

And of course we have the elephant, an animal that is highly intelligent, never forgets, and cannot be ignored when it's in the room (so to speak). They also symbolize nobility, success, wisdom, remover of obstacles, and loyalty. What kills me about this part of the scene though is that the elephant is absolutely making sure to get their attention by flipping over the tourism booth and making a loud noise. Sure enough, the 118 reacts and turns around. Bobby says "I really thought this year was gonna be different." And the elephant then makes the trumpet noise. The interesting thing about this choice of animal is that they literally chose for the scene to play out that it purposely gets their attention, lets Bobby say that sentence, and then makes the loud noise elephants make that can be heard miles away in some cases. Not only do you have an elephant standing right in front of you that not only just flipped over this heavy booth but now it's speaking and making sure it's heard and not just seen. And it's a singular elephant, which probably makes sense with the escaped zoo situation, but it's usually male elephants who live alone and not in family units like females do.

Elephant in the room who cannot be ignored and will not be ignored any longer. Something is getting addressed this season; it can no longer be put off or avoided. Whether that's the universe or a particular story line for all of the 118 or separately, something is refusing to be unheard or unseen. It is going to be dealt with.

As for the other animals mentioned, other than the giraffe, I cannot tell you with 100% certainty what all of these animals are meant to represent completely, but I will say this. I do think there is something that may arise that is going to test the 118, whether that be their bonds with one another, or as a team, but something is going to happen. These animals seem to have one theme among them: family. While some of these animals don't mate for life (like the giraffe), they do travel together in packs or herds.

Of course, it's always a possibility that I'm reading too much into it and these truly were the only animals available (the ones that weren't CGI). But the shot sequence I think is very purposeful. They could have shown us the vulture second to last, they could have passed the monkeys first, then the emus, etc. And since the elephant and giraffe are clearly meant to be symbolic for the story, I'm thinking these other animals are too, if not most of them. But we'll get more clarification, I'm sure, once we see the full sequence. But that's what I'm thinking so far.

#911 5x01 #911: panic #911 meta #911 fox #911 fox posts #chimney han mention

29 notes · View notes

all-gabs-bloomic-fanfics · 3 years ago

Text

Twice The Hostage

Delinquent AU with (civilian) onionthief. He works at a minimum wage job. Who are you?

status: completed, plotless, bonus content

chapters: 1

Onion scoffed. He never understood the appeal of pocketbooks.

Granted, he didn't understand the appeal of most things, but pining over a delinquent, or worse, a Mafia boss, just went over his head. He hoped none of his younger siblings ever get involved in that kind of life.

He gave the pocketbook on display one last squint, and returned to restocking the snack aisle.

His minimum wage job wasn't impressive, he knew, but it was honest and harmless work. It was only a matter of time til he could graduate and get a job with more upward movement and humane salary. Until then, he had this, computer repairs, and 2 other part-times.

He sighed, wishing he had a car like the one pictured in the magazines.

Wait.

No, there's nothing wrong with identifying with a photo or a fictional character.

He just fantasized for a moment, didn't spend hours reading lies. And what's this magazine doing in the snack aisle, anyway?

Onion got up and looked over the shelves one more time to check if there were any more misplaced items.

After a satisfied lap around the aisle, he heads to the magazine rack.

A bell rings as you entered the store.

You didn't pay attention to the staff nor to the person who went inside the store after you, paying them no heed other than to make sure you held the door out of courtesy.

You headed to the beverages section when you felt something cold on your temple.

You looked up the round store mirror in the corner to see a tall person in black pointing something at your temple.

"You. Don't move or I'll shoot," you hear them say as you see them face the direction of the staff.

He looked stressed, making eye contact with you briefly through the round mirror.

"Sir, you can take what you want," the staff said, placing his hands in front of himself. "I won't call the police!"

The person holding a gun against you had redirected it to the staff.

"Better stay true to your word," they seethed.

"I swear! I have 6 younger siblings to protect. Please!"

The person with the gun grunted. They kept the gun pointed at the staff while pocketing several snacks into their bomber jacket.

You wondered about disarming them, but realize it's too risky. Soon, they leave the store.

You failed to move, only asking the staff if the armed man was gone.

"They're gone now--hey!!"

Your knees give way. Strange. You didn't feel fear, but you could barely stand.

"I'm okay, I can speak," you said, still on the floor.

The staff helps you up and onto a chair. "I'll get you some water, on the house."

Soon he brings you some vitamin water and watches you revitalize yourself.

"You really couldn't call the police?"

"Eh? Oh. I guess it slipped my mind."

"First time are gun point?" You asked, as if it wasn't yours. As if your knees didn't give way and you're now drinking vitamin water from a guy who's standing fine after the incident. "Or do you just care about customers that much?"

"Hmm? Oh, no. Not really."

You weren't quite sure which question that was supposed to answer, but your throat was itchy so you took another sip.

The staff spoke up again while you were drinking. "Actually, can you help me?"

"Sure, you did save our lives," you laughed it off, placing the now empty water bottle on the table. "On the house, right?"

"M-hmm."

You wiped your mouth, waiting for him to continue.

"Can I ask you to pay for the stolen goods?"

#fanfic #onionthief #blooming panic #bloomic #bp onionthief

7 notes · View notes

mageofseven · 4 years ago

Text

Part 3! This is the last part, containing Beel and Belphie's sections below the cut. Please enjoy~

Part 1 | Part 2

Beelzebub:

Things were peaceful with the pregnancy for a while.

Even in the beginning, when MC was barely showing and faced very little issues, the sixth brother was waiting on her hand and foot

And he almost always had a smile on his face. He was just insanely happy about becoming a dad, about having a baby with MC.

He handled every thing more or less with stride.

When she started showing and the woman felt self-conscious about the fact that she was losing her figure, he'd hold her close and kiss her, telling how beautiful she was, that the belly she was growing made her no less so. In fact, it made her even more beautiful because to him, what her body was doing was a beautiful thing: growing and carrying his child, something that meant the world to him.

Yeah, he was a bit anxious about how things would go since Lucifer told them the pregnancy could become dangerous for her, but he was still truly happy for the two of them to become parents.

Unlike his siblings in the other timelines, Beel had no fears about how he'll be as a dad; he knew he had so much love to give their son or daughter and was ready to give it.

It wasn't until MC's fourth month when some concerns were raised.

MC's belly had grew at an unusual rate. Despite just entering her fourth month, her belly was roughly the size of what it should be in her sixth or even seventh month of pregnancy, according to Satan.

Beel didn't really know anything specific about pregnancy so he didn't see it as anything to worry about. I mean, he was the Avatar of Gluttony and this was his baby. MC developed quite the appetite because of this and was eating at least twice more than she used to. Surely that's all this was? And if so, the man couldn't see it as anything dangerous, at least.

Still, MC's anxiety grew over it, causing him talk over it more with the blonde to figure out if there was anything he could do for her.

And so the time came; the rune! Satan drew the rune over the human's belly to collect the data they needed.

After a minute or two of absorbing the data, the blonde raised an eyebrow.

"What is it?" MC asked.

"It... well, I suppose for a start, Beel is correct that his sin is part of the reason for the growth spurt." Satan began. "But only partly."

Beel leaned towards his brother, listening closely.

"However, there are some more difficult elements at play here." The fourth brother continued. "The most pressing being... the number."

"I... what?" The woman stared at the demon in front of her.

"It seems you two are having twins. Two girls, in fact."

Beel immediately pulled MC in for a hug. The woman cried heavy tears, but they were paired with a smile. The big guy teared up as well.

"Twins. Beely, we're having two little girls." She said from inside his arms.

"I know." The man pulled back and gave her a sweet kiss before laying both hands on her belly. "Our little girls--"

"I hate to interrupt," The Avatar of Wrath said, but of course, did so anyway. "But... do either of you realize the danger this poses to any degree?"

Beel turned back to his brother, furrowing his brow.

Satan sighed.

"Beel... one baby was going to be rough on her body, but two?" He pointed out. "Honestly Beel, she'll likely be eating at least as much as you, if not more, and that still might not be enough for her body. It's manageable now, but once she enters the last trimester, it'll be very difficult to keep two gluttony demon children fed as well as the mother they're siphoning nutrition off of faster than she can get it."

Basically, MC was going to be eating an extreme amount of food and still literally be starving. That's how Beel understood it at least.

The man looked at his girlfriend and frowned in worry. He hated feeling hungry and didn't wish that on his Muffin, but knew she'll end up feeling even worse than that.

"Is there anything I can do for her now?" The redhead asked.

"Right now... all we can do is stock up and hope for the best." The blonde answered. "Lucifer should probably be informed so things can be planned out."

And so he did. He walked his girlfriend to their bedroom so she could lie down for a bit while he went to Lucifer's study to inform him. The older brother was instantly stressed out, but let out a sigh and told him that he'll handle it.

Lucifer did warn Beel though that he probably won't be able to eat as much as he's used to because of this. The Avatar of Gluttony only nodded. If he had to go hungry to keep MC fed and alive then so be it. It was worth it to him.

As the months went by, Satan's predictions were proven true. By half way through her seventh month, MC was bedridden. Her belly had grown so big that she literally could not get out of bed on her own.

The woman was never alone though. She constantly had either Beel or Belphie or both with her to bring her food or carry her to the bathroom or cuddle her so she didn't get lonely.

What was equally as worrisome as her gravid boulder of a belly was the rest of her. The woman had lost so much weight in her thighs, arms, and face that she looked like she's been starved for years.

Each touch of Beel's was extra gentle because his girlfriend looked so fragile like this. He was afraid to hurt her even more, especially because of their girls' kicks.

The twins had inherited their daddy's strength. Occasionally, one or both of them would kick their mama a bit too hard, causing a bruise to form on her belly.

This led to lots of belly time. Beel would kiss and rub his Muffin's belly while talking to his girls, telling them how loved they are, but how they need to be more gentle with their mama.

Despite how difficult the situation was, both Beel and MC kept positive, smiling through it. After all, this was all for their little girls so of course it was worth it.

Good End:

Oh this poor woman. It took ten months of pregnancy, being a full month over due, but her twins were finally ready to come out into the world and meet their parents.

It was a long twelve hours for the couple; after all, these were two very big, overdue demon babies of gluttony being pushed out by a mom they've seriously weakened for months now. Yet despite the odds, both Mama and babies made it out okay.

Beel kissed his girlfriend's head and watched as she fed their girls. Their girls. This was really happening. Beel was a daddy. His sweet Muffin was a mama and those sweet girls feeding from her chest were their daughters, sporting his hair, eye color, horns, even delicate versions of his wings, but still had all of their mother's facial features. They were identical, unlike him and Belphie, but the demon truly hoped the two could forge just as strong of a bond together as he had with his twin.

When the two were done drinking, Beel took the one from MC's left arm and brought her into his own. Just then, a knock came to the door and it clicked open to reveal Belphie, who Beel texted a few minutes ago; he wanted his twin to be the very first one to see his daughters.

The couple smiled at him.

"Belphie, come see them." MC invited him to come closer.

The seventh brother approached the bed and gave a small smile.

"So... whose who?"

MC looked up to Beel, letting her boyfriend introduce them. The man smiled.

"This is Arsenia." The redhead stared down at the little girl in his arms, kissing her head before looking to the one in MC's arms. "And right there is Anais."

The three talked for a bit and watched the babies before MC needed to sleep. Beel laid the twins in their cribs before giving his Muffin a quick kiss on her head.

"Sweet dreams, Muffin. Thank you for everything." He smiled.

Bad End:

Twelve hours. Twelve hours of labor that seemed like it was going no where. The first baby was barely even crowning after all this time and MC was losing what remained of her strength. The woman honestly didn't know how much more she could take.

Beel felt so helpless as he watched her struggle. He was so hyperfocused on his Muffin that he hadn't even thought of food once during these twelve hours and even a non gluttony demon would be getting hungry right then.

It took another hour, but MC eventually got the head out and then the shoulders. But that was it. That was as far as she made it. She had lost the last of her strength and just... faded away at that moment. Beel couldn't accept it at first and just kept calling her name and shaking her shoulder, begging her to wake up. But she didn't. The man let out a howl of pain before collapsing on his knees in sobs. He cried for a minute before remembering his girls.

Beel quickly shot up and freed the first baby, Arsenia, from her mother's body. Anais... Anais, he never got to save. They never knew it, but the cord had been wrapped around her neck for most of the labor and she left them before even MC did.

And just like that, the Avatar of Gluttony lost his Muffin and one of his daughters. As he held tightly to Arsenia though, he vowed that he would never, ever let any harm come to her.

Beel was a loving, but fiercely protective father. His daughter handled it in stride for the first twelve years of her life, but after that, grew to really resent him. He never let her truly live her life. By fifteen, she actually ran away to the Human realm in search of what was left of her mother's side of the family, leaving a note saying that she couldn't handle him suffocating her anymore. Arsenia had succeeded in finding her grandma and Lucifer convinced Beel to just let her be for a few days. Then he came to get her and the two had a heart to heart talk.

The man didn't know how he could grow to let go more; all he knew was his fear. This was his daughter. His worse nightmare was losing her just like he did with MC and Anais. But he knew if he didn't learn then he was just going to lose her in another way. The man just didn't know what to do anymore. Not without MC, who kept him grounded. Not without MC, who he sees everytime he looks at his daughter's face. And so he was stuck feeling desperate and lost and just wanting his daughter to understand him and be happy.

Belphegor:

After the two's three month fight, Belphie was dedicated to taking care of MC.

He was an ass to her when he found out of she was pregnant and he knew it, never even denied it, but it came from a place of fear and love for his human.

Seeing just how important this baby was to her though... it was enough for him to bury his fear deep inside of himself for her. He had to; she needed him and he was not going to abandon her again.

Her second trimester was... well, let's just say he stepped in to support her at just the right time.

MC was always so exhausted and went through her days in almost a daze.

She even passed out at the dinner table one evening, face falling straight onto her plate.

Normally, the Avatar of Sloth would find this funny, but the pregnancy had him on edge.

She woke up fairly easily though. Just a couple shakes of her shoulder and the woman was lifting her head, wondering why there was mashed potatoes in her hair.

That was enough for him though. Belphie picked his girlfriend up and carried her to his room. He cleaned the food out of her hair before laying her back on the bed.

"I'm sorry..." She mumbled.

"Don't apologize, Butthead." He said softly, pulling her to his chest.

He knew she couldn't help it. In general, pregnancy could be tiring, but when the baby daddy is the literal Avatar of Sloth? Yeah, that made things harder.

The human fell asleep, barely staying conscious long enough to hear his response.

Belphie leaned in and kissed her forehead.

Even after such an early bed time, MC didn't wake up in the morning. Or the afternoon. Belphie was tense as hell, but tried to be patient.

Around 3pm, after sleeping for about twenty hours straight, the man tried shaking his girlfriend awake. But she wouldn't.

Belphie started freaking out and shaking her harder. She still wouldn't wake up.

He had to triple check that she was alive. And she was; the woman still breathed slow, sleepy breaths and had a calm pulse like any sleeping person would.

But she wasn't waking up? Why?

At some point, the younger brother wasn't sure when, but Beel had gotten up and rushed to Lucifer.

The oldest brother put a hand on his youngest brother's shoulder, stopping him from shaking the human anymore.

Belphie instantly shook the oldest off and gave him a glare.

"Stop, she's not waking up!"

"Shaking her is not going to help the situation."

Belphie was frustrated with the Avatar of Pride, but knew he was right. But what else could he do?

Lucifer did most of the talking with Beel after that. The two went back and forth on different things as Belphie simply held his girlfriend close.

Eventually, the two left the room and came back with Satan, book in hand. Belphie growled as the blonde approached the bed.

Satan sighed.

"Enough with that. I believe I know a way to figure out the problem."

And with that, the fourth brother explained step by step everything he was going to do.

The boyfriend scowled, but let the blonde do what he needed to do.

Satan opened his book and laid it on the bed. He gave a glance at the page before pulling down the blanket and raising up the woman's shirt.

Belphie growled again, but stopped as Beel laid a hand on his arm. The man then took a deep breath and just sat up, watching the blonde's movements carefully as he guarded his girlfriend. Yeah, Satan was his brother, but more importantly, that was his girlfriend the blonde was messing with. Whatever he does, he better be gentle.

The three other men watched as the Avatar of Wrath drew a rune around MC's navel. The woman stirred, making some noises in her sleep, but didn't awake.

When the blonde finished the rune, it glowed a very bright purple. The fourth brother raised an eyebrow at this.

"It's... not supposed to do that." The blonde picked up his book, rereading the passage once more.

"What did you do?" Belphie immediately jumps to the worse scenarios.

Satan waved off his words and continued to read the passage.

"It's suppose to glow green since I am the rune's scripter... however, it shows itself in your color."

The Avatar of Sloth didn't say a word; he didn't understand what was going on. He looked down at his human, whose sleep had turned a bit restless since the other man drew the rune on her.

The fourth brother finally sat down the book and reached out to lay his hand on the rune

...and was immediately shocked.

Satan cursed and pulled his hand towards his chest.

"What happened?" Lucifer asked.

The fourth brother just shook his head and breathed for a minute in order to keep calm.

"It... I seemed to be locked out." The blonde answered in a controlled voice.

"What do you mean, you're locked--"

"It means I don't have control over the rune!" The Avatar of Wrath snapped at the oldest before taking a deep breath. "Belphie, you do it."

"Do what?"

"Just put your hand on the rune; it'll do the rest."

Belphie stared at his brother for a minute before slowly laying his hand on MC's belly, right above the rune.

Suddenly, his eyes glowed as his brain was flooded with information.

Okay, first off, he learned the rune was purple because of the baby. As soon as they sensed the rune intruding on their safe place, the baby locked Satan out... apparently to protect themselves and their mother. Belphie only has access because they seem to trust him.

It also seemed that the baby has inherited their dad's protective instincts. Belphie approves.

That's not the only thing they got from him though.

The reason MC has been out cold for past twenty hours is because they inherited their dad's miasma powers, the ability that he uses with his aura to weaken people and put them to sleep

The very same power he used the night he killed MC.

Belphie wanted to curse, to scream, to aim all his anger at the little being doing this to her

But then he discovered why.

The baby... they sensed their mama's great distress, something MC had been trying so hard to hide from him.

It all went back to the first revelation; the baby was protective of their mother. They weren't just protecting her from outside forces, but from herself too.

Lastly, he learned learned that there was no single baby; there was two

Twins. A boy and a girl.

Belphie pried away his hand so quickly that he almost fell off of the bed. If it wasn't for Beel being right behind him and catching him, he would have.

"What is it?" His twin asked.

Oh dear devil, where should he even start? The seventh brother didn't even know if he wanted to say anything; he just wanted time to let it all sit within him, but he had three pairs of eyes trained on him at the moment.

Belphie glanced down at MC's sleeping face and a fresh wave of guilt washed over him. She was essentially being drugged into sleep by his kids. Once again, this was his fault.

Sensing how overwhelmed his twin was, Beel turned to Lucifer and said some things that the younger twin didn't even try to hear before the oldest and the blonde left the room, leaving the twins alone.

Belphie sat with his knees to his chest and hid his face in his arms.

Beel came up and hugged his brother.

"It's my fault..." Belphie's voice cracked.

The younger twin told the redhead everything, who listened patiently to all of it.

Beel's arms tightened around his brother.

"You know she wouldn't blame you for it." Beel told him.

"Doesn't change the fact that it's my fault..."

The twins talked together for a little over an hour. After that, Belphie fell asleep next to MC and Beel left to update Lucifer.

The conclusion? Wait. All they could do for now is wait. Satan looked into some human-safe potions that would be strong enough to wake MC if she took too long, but otherwise, waiting is all they could do.

Two days later, MC woke up in severe need of water. Beel ran to go get some for her as Belphie held her close, relief washing over him.

A few bottles of water later, MC asked what happened.

Belphie didn't know what to say. Or rather... how to tell her.

But he did. He admitted everything with a heavy heart and actually apologized to her.

Wide eyed, his girlfriend pulled him in for a hug.

"Hey... none of that." She told him. "I'm fine, I-- it's okay."

The two laid there and cuddled for a while. Belphie laid with his head on her chest, feeling it rise and fall with each breath (and being incredibly grateful for each one) as his girlfriend stroked his hair.

"So...twins?" She asked softly. "How...how do you feel about that?"

Belphie let out a sigh. How could she lay there and worry about him despite the situation she was in?

It didn't help that the demon honestly had no clue to how to answer that. How did he feel about any of this now?

He hated all of this in the beginning and he resented this baby for even existing. Since his experience with the rune and getting the chance to understand the babies inside of her... he really didn't know.

They seemed... anxious and overall just wanted to protect their mother. That was no different from Belphie himself.

His twins just... devil, he could feel his heart softening for them as he thinks over everything.

He didn't resent them anymore, but how did he feel about them? About there being two of them?

Honestly, it sounded like a hassle. Even once this whole pregnancy is done with, MC and him will have twice the responsibility; he was exhausted just thinking about it.

Still, he accepted it all.

"Dummy, you shouldn't be worrying about what I think." Belphie shook his head. "...How do you feel about it?"

Silence.

"A bit... scared." She admitted. "I don't want you to get overwhelmed again and... and leave me."

Belphie sat up and stared down at her.

"I'm not leaving you. Ever." He said firmly. "I know I was a dick in the beginning, but I'm staying with you. Period."

MC looked away.

"Y-Yeah, but..."

Devil, he had to keep her stress levels down or their twins are gonna drug her again. The demon leaned in and kissed his girlfriend before laying his head back down on her chest.

"I love you, Butthead." He mumbled. "I'm not leaving you or our kids so stop worrying."

He could feel her body relax underneath him.

Months went by with very little issues. She went through somedays with a really froggy mind and that was concerning on it's own because she was extra clumsy like this, tripping over furniture and starting little fires in the kitchen.

Belphie and Beel were always hovering around her because of this, ready to catch her when she tripped. They also took over her cooking duty and took turns. MC felt bad and said she should be contributing more, but Belphie would always silence her with a kiss and tell her she's contributing enough by carrying his little gremlins.

This made her smile because she knew he was joking. If he was able to joke about them like that then there must be affection for them underneath it all. And she was right.

Her coma-like sleeps were rare but they did happen twice more in her pregnancy. Luckily between Belphie and Beel, they were able to keep her stress down enough to where it usually wasn't an issue.

Good End:

MC had woken him up in the middle of the night. Her contractions started while she was asleep and woke her up when they got too strong for her to sleep through. Belphie woke up to her crying and clinging to him.

From 3am to 9am, a long six hours, MC labored hard till she pushed both twins out. Their son had his dad's dark hair while their daughter had MC's hair. Both had Belphie's purple eyes though. Their daughter had their dad’s horns while their son had their dad’s tail.

MC held their son close to her chest as Belphie held his daughter. He stared down at the little girl, who lightly squirmed in his arms and let out soft cries.

"Belphie..."

He looked over to his girlfriend, just to notice that he himself had been crying as he watched his daughter. The demon looked away, blushing. After a moment, he spoke.

"I know we really didn't talk about this beforehand... but I want to name her Lilith."

His girlfriend gave him a smile.

"Of course."

The two discussed it for a few minutes and decided to name their son Judas.

Bad End:

Things fell apart early in MC's eighth month. The woman suddenly just collapsed where she stood, seconds after whispering Belphie's name and trying to reach out to him. The man caught her before she hit the floor. She had suddenly fallen into one of her comas. But why? He thought his girlfriend was okay, but apparently she had been bottling some feelings up. She would have had to have been or otherwise their children wouldn't be doing this to her.

It was three days later that Belphie woke up in the night to feel that the bed was wet. Very wet. MC's water broke! She was still in her coma though so how did this work?? Even with the contractions, could she birth the twins if he she wasn't awake to push?? Belphie quickly woke up Beel who in turn rushed to Lucifer. The oldest called a doctor, who had Belphie stay outside of the room.

The youngest brother paced back and forth in the hallway, cussing, and overall more awake then he has been all of his demon life.

In the end... MC didn't make it. But the twins did. The twins survived even when his girlfriend didn't and that fact destroyed him.

For the first two years of their life, Belphie had absolutely nothing to do with his kids; Beel raised them for him. It wasn't because of what you might think. Belphie didn't resent his kids or blame them for their mother's death like he thought he would. Belphie was drowning in self-hatred because it was his fault. He believed this with every fiber of his being. He couldn't even look at his children, especially Lilith, who he saw both MC and his sister within her whenever their eyes met.

Eventually, he got his shit together, at least somewhat. He always needed help though so Lilith and Judas were raise by both their father and their Uncle Beel. Belphie was pretty laid back as a father so between him and Beel, the kids had the freedom to do just about anything. However, they grew to be a bit bratty. Good hearted, but bratty. Any time anyone other than he or Beel tried to discipline them or said anything awful to his kids, Belphie was ready to murder a bitch and slowly at that; it was a lot easier to set this man off now as a parent. Luckily, Beel was always able to drag him away and calm him down.

Those around them were always put on edge by the Avatar of Sloth's presence because of this; even the other brothers weren't sure how to interact with him somedays. Still, his kids were safe and between himself and Beel, they never went without anything. They grew up loved and protected... just like MC wanted.

He sometimes got into these depressive moods when he thought of her and couldn't leave his bed. At first, Beel would try to occupy the kids elsewhere so he could have his space and the twins didn't have to see their daddy like that. One day though, when they were five, they snuck away and into the attic room that he hid in. Wordless, the two just climbed into bed with him and he held them close to his chest.

As much as he missed MC... he loved his kids and moments like that reminded him just how important they are to him. There was once a time where he told himself that if he had to choose between MC and their kids, he wouldn't hesitate to choose her; he simply couldn't imagine how he could care about anyone as strongly as he does her. Now that they're here though, he doesn't have to imagine it; it's his reality and though he missed MC with every fiber of his being, he wouldn't trade his children for anything in the three realms.

Part 1 | Part 2

#obey me #obey me otome #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me mc #obey me pregnant mc #obey me next gen

352 notes · View notes

professorsnape394 · 4 years ago

Text

The Potions Master’s Apprentice

Chapter Ten: Breaking Boundaries

A/N: This is the tenth part to my fanfiction ‘The Potions Master’s Apprentice (Severus Snape x OC)’. Chapters 1-16 can be found already uploaded on Wattpad under the same name. Feel free to leave requests in my inbox for anything Snape related you want me to write. Leave a comment below if you wish to be added to my tag list.

Pairing: Severus Snape x OC (Dumbledore’s Granddaughter)

Summary: A talented young witch is employed as an apprentice professor at Hogwarts, but who will she be working under? Severus Snape is not best pleased with his new responsibility of taking on an apprentice, however she is relentless to create a friendship between them. Will she be successful? Or might the friendship just go a little two far? With the eyes of her grandfather constantly watching over them, an attempt at a relationship might not be in the cards for Aria Dumbledore and Severus Snape.

Word Count: 3188

Warnings: mentions of male sex organ and sexual arousal.

Credits to Gif Creator

After a long day of lessons all Aria Dumbledore wanted to do was rip off her uncomfortable heels and change into something she could relax in for the rest of the night. However working with Severus meant that her day did not end immediately after lessons like the other professors' did. With the amount of essays Snape gave out on the daily, it was a miracle he was able to mark them at all, with or without her. She understood now why he never slept, but what she couldn't wrap her head around was why he gave out so many essay in the first place.

At first Severus refused any help from Aria, insisting he didn't need an assistant, but gradually Aria managed to work her way into his routine and soon enough the pair were spending every night together in Snape's classroom, marking essays and making potions.

"Severus." Aria spoke up, as the teachers departed from the Great Hall after dinner, stopping Snape in his tracks. She let her hand rest lightly on his bicep for a second, allowing herself to fall in line as they returned to the dungeons together.

"Miss Dumbledore." He replied coldly, suppressing any thoughts that may have dared entered his mind when he felt her gentle touch on his arm.

"I was thinking... I know we usually spend the evening marking in the classroom, but its just so cold in there and dark too." Aria started. "And we have to squeeze around the desk, with all those papers- "

"What are you getting at Miss Dumbledore." He droned, looking over his shoulder at the woman.

"How about we switch it up for tonight, maybe do the marking in my quarters? Its warm, I have a fire, with couches we can sit at. And if that's not your thing then your welcome to sit at my desk, but I just can't spend another night breaking my back sitting hunched over one. My feet are killing me in these shoes and I'm sick of freezing to death." Aria continued to rant, waiting for Snape to stop her.

"You can stop trying to convince me. Though I may not appear it, I am not a completely unreasonable man, all you have to do is ask."

"Thank god." She groaned, as they turned the corner to the dungeons.

After collecting two large stacks of papers from the potions classroom, the professors made their way along the corridor to Aria's private quarters. Almost immediately after entering the room Aria kicked off her heels, and threw her cloak over the couch.

"Just make yourself at home, get comfortable. I need to go change."

Severus entered the room awkwardly, clutching onto his papers, not daring to touch anything except the air he occupied. For the first time in a long time he felt out of place at Hogwarts. Snape liked to be in control and the way he was able to do that was keeping to the places where he felt most comfortable and had power. As soon as he agreed to spend the evening in Aria's quarters he lost that power and the ability to feel like he had any superiority over the woman. Though he hated feeling out of place, he enjoyed the woman's company, despite the fact he pretended not to, and was willing to make a sacrifice or two in order to listen to her meaningless chatter.

The man slowly made his way around the room, gradually drifting towards her cluttered desk, dropping his papers amongst her own small stacks. Snape couldn't help but be drawn to an open letter Aria had left. His eyes scanned the letter, sickened by its mushy context, but he couldn't seem to pull his gaze away.

Severus was stunned to discover that Aria was in a relationship and yet had not mentioned it to anyone since her arrival. She seemed the type who would boast about the fact, telling everyone and anyone who would listen. It dawned on him that maybe she had mentioned it before, just not to him. After all, why would she? He didn't show any interest in her life, or share any information about himself with her. He had made it pretty clear that they weren't anything more than coworkers, so then why was he hurt by the fact she had not confided in him?

The thought quickly left his mind when the witch reentered the room, leaving him slightly dumbfounded. It was the first time he had witnessed her looking relaxed and casual opposed to the straight laced, well put together façade she put on around the students. Even before the start of term and on their trip to Hogsmeade she maintained an air of sophistication. Looking at her now she appeared as you would expect a 21 year old to appear. Her hair fell around her face in stunning natural beach waves, still a little messy from being held up in a bun all day. She had changed out of her painful heels and uncomfortable work clothes and now appeared in a pair of tight fitting exercise shorts paired with a large oversized t-shirt, that exposed her tanned shoulder and collarbone. Severus couldn't help but notice her lack of bra, but made a conscious effort to keep his gaze fixated on her face.

"What are you doing?" Aria laughed nervously, noticing her mentor standing awkwardly by her desk, staring at her a little too long.

"I was merely looking for a place to conduct my marking, but as the only work space in the room is full of meaningless clutter, then it seems I have no other choice than to move." He growled, over compensating for his earlier thoughts.

Aria went to object but decided it wasn't worth the hassle and simply grabbed her pile and took a seat next to Severus on the couch and got to working.

Seeing Aria in her natural form had Severus mesmerised. He had of course appreciated her attractiveness many times before, but now her beauty seemed more down to earth and natural. He couldn't take his eyes off her. Ever since she had come to his office and bandaged him up, his mind was swarming with thoughts of her once more. The way her fingers gently traced the patterns on his palm as she carefully tended to his wound. Every time he replayed the action in his head a wave of shivers ran up his spine, sending flutters straight to his stomach.

After marking a less than adequate amount of essays, Severus finally gave up trying. Out the corner of his eye he couldn't help but watch as Aria absentmindedly brushed one of her smooth bare legs against the other. His eyes continued to travel up her body, resting for second on a small section of her waist that had been left exposed from the way her top had shifted. Once again he couldn't help but notice the prominent outline of her bare breasts through the slightly transparent shirt. Snape felt his face flush with colour, and chose to swiftly move on. He became entranced as his gaze fell upon her face, watching her read intently, as she nibbled on the end of her quill, letting it bounce slightly between her teeth. Severus could not help his mind rush to a number of scenarios which he quickly dismissed.

Oblivious to the thoughts running through her colleagues mind, Aria continued marking the majority of her essays, before finally giving up.

"How about we take a little break." Aria suggested, throwing another essay on her 'done' pile.

"Very well." Severus agreed, not that he had been doing much anyway.

Aria took the opportunity to stretch her bones, turning her body to face Snape.

"you know, we spend a hell of a lot of time together, but all we ever do is work." Aria commented, standing up from where she had been sat on the couch.

"What are you getting at, Miss Dumbledore." Snape replied, turning his attention to a neglected book he found resting on her coffee table.

"I'm just saying that we're allowed to spend time together, without making it about work. Minerva and I often enjoy afternoon tea together, and I frequently visit Hagrid at his cabin for a chat, I don't see why we have to pretend to be marking essays just to be in each others company."

"I'm not pretending to do anything, Miss Dumbledore. The essays need to be marked, and whether you chose to help me or not, I will be spending my evenings doing the exact same thing either way."

Severus picked up a rogue book from her coffee table, dog-earing the page Aria had left the book lying open on and began to read from the beginning, curious to see what kind of literature she was interested in.

Meanwhile Aria had made her way through to her open plan kitchen and was currently rummaging through a number of cupboards but continued her conversation.

"We're the teachers Severus, the students will get the essays back when we say so, we do not have to rush to complete them as soon as they're handed back to us. Besides it would give the students a little more time in between essays to relax before they were immediately issued another." The clinking of glasses caught Severus' attention, so he too got up, meeting the woman in her kitchen.

"Have a drink." She offered, handing him a glass of deep red liquid, hoping to loosen up his inhibitions.

"I thought you didn't drink." Snape muttered, taking the drink from her.

"Like I said before, I don't drink often, or rather to excess. But if this is what it takes to get you to relax with me, then I'm willing to comprise." She winked, holding up her own glass to cheers the other professor.

"Despite the impression you may have gotten, Miss Dumbledore, I do not rely on alcohol to get through the day."

"I know that." Aria spoke, her tone becoming sadder. "I know that you were drinking a lot before the start of term because of me. I'm sorry I done that to you, I honestly did not think that the two of us having dinner together would be such a scandal. I was wrong, I know that now. But can't we just remain colleagues who enjoy each others company every once in a while." She hoped.

Severus took a deep intake of breath before taking a large gulp of wine.

"You were not the reason I turned to alcohol to drown my sorrows, Miss Dumbledore. Yes, I enjoy a glass of FireWhiskey or Nettle Wine once in a while, and occasionally I feel the need to indulge more than what is deemed appropriate. Usually it occurs in the summer and I have no one around me who cares. It only ever lasts a few days or so, a week at most, and after that I get back on track and its no longer a problem. It is true that your presence may have dug up some unfortunate memories of mine, but it was not your fault." Severus enunciated the last few words of his sentence, reassuring the woman not to blame herself for his small moment of weakness. The way her eyes sparkled in the light as they met his sent a wave of regret over him, wishing he had just accepted the wine and said nothing. An appreciated smile spread across his apprentice's face, thankful she had been reassured.

Professor Snape gulped down some more his of wine nervously, making his way back to the couch, Aria followed closely behind.

"So." He started, once again picking up the abandoned book, eager to change to subject. "I noticed your reading Pride and Prejudice, how are you finding it?"

"Oh." She smiled, biting her lip, slightly embarrassed. "It's one I'm currently reading." She said vaguely, bouncing down on the couch, sitting crossed legged.

"So your into muggle literature? I have read a few myself though I tend to stay away from the Brontes."

"It's Austen actually." She corrected, nodding towards the spine of the book, cradling her still relatively full glass of wine. "I have to admit, I'm a bit useless when it comes to reading. I love it so much, but I'm just too impatient, that's my problem." She laughed, getting frustrated with herself and running a hand through her tangled mass of hair.

Severus watched as she jumped from her seat, quickly collecting a few of the other novels she had left scattered around the place, all of which had been left balancing open mid-page. The woman returned with five or six books in her arms, all of which had been read half way through or almost to the very end, although none had been completely read through.

"I'm a bit of scatter brain, if I'm being completely honest. I've started all of these and every time I find a new book I completely disregard the one I was reading, too eager to start another, before finishing the first. Most of the time I forget where I've left them, so I couldn't finish them even if I wanted to. I swear Severus, If it wasn't for you keeping me on track with the students schedules, I'd go utterly mad and forget what I was supposed to be teaching." Aria let out a huge breath, dropping all of the books down in between her and Snape, before plopping herself down once more.

Snape suppressed the urge to laugh at the woman's dopiness, she was truly a character, but he secretly adored the absurdness she possessed. She kept it hidden so well in front of her grandfather and the students but often when they were alone she allowed her true personality to shine and that is when Severus felt his weakest with her. He could not possibly find a reason to be angry at her when she was feeling vulnerable enough to get comfortable around him.

The Potions Master took it upon himself to inspect each of the novels, before setting them aside, neatly piled high. He did, however, keep a hold of the original book, continuing from where he had left off.

Noticing the man getting engrossed in the book, Aria chose not to bother him with any more of her idle chatter and instead grabbed a notebook and quill from her bedroom and begun sketching. She was content with just being in each other's company and not working that she didn't mind that they were not talking. In fact, one of the things she loved most about their relationship was that they were able to sit in a comfortable silence without either of them feeling awkward.

After a few attempts of sketching objects around the room, she gave in trying and decided to focus on what she drew best. Not wanting to interrupt his train of thought by asking a meaningless question, such as if he would give her permission to draw him, Aria didn't see the big deal and went ahead with her sketch.

An hour or so passed and the couple were deep in their activities and not a word had been spoken since the last. By now Severus had removed his robes, the heat from the fire proving too much, though he still kept himself fully covered by the means of his overcoat. Aria, far too comfortable in her chambers, had now stretched out across the whole couch, her feet resting gently on the side of Severus' thigh, but he was yet to complain.

It wasn't until almost two hours into their activities that Severus thought too look at the clock. Time had gotten on, and usually the pair would have gone their separate ways by now, spending the rest of their nights alone. Strangely Professor Snape did not feel the urge to depart just yet and chose to stay a while longer. Aria had become absorbed in the sketch she was doing, and was not complaining he was still there. This was good enough for Severus. Looking up from her notepad every few seconds, but still utterly engaged in her drawing, Aria had no idea what was currently going on in Snape's mind.

Once he had broke away from the book back to reality, Snape struggled to get himself to focus again. Instead his mind was preoccupied by how close he had let Aria get to him. He felt her wriggle her toes absentmindedly. It was almost as if she was beating out a tune against his leg, and he was very aware of every movement she made. Her feet had managed to make their way into his lap, and every small movement that brushed against his thigh, had Severus' heart beating faster.

The woman fidgeted relentlessly, her legs shifting in lap and her toes scrunching up against his inner thigh. Snape could not help the reaction his body was having as his assistant brushed against him, but the thoughts that entered his mind, only stimulated the problem he was having. Surely she must know what she was doing to him. The Professor kept his eyes on the page, though he took in none of the words. His face flushed pink, whether from the heat of the fire or his own imagination, he did not know. Snape allowed himself one look at the woman curious to see if her actions were deliberate. As he expected she was completely oblivious to the whole situation, simply sketching away, not a care in the world.

Looking at the woman only worsened the situation. He had tried to keep his thoughts at bay, in order to prevent his throbbing penis from doing what penis' do best. But seeing the young woman lay there in front of him, her body so close to his, rubbing against him. Severus could take it no longer. He felt himself growing, and he refused to endure the humiliation had she to notice, let alone the frustration that he would be able to do nothing about it.

Without warning Snape jumped from his position on the couch, grabbing his robes, and leaving the book where he sat. "It's late. I have to go." Was all he said bluntly, slamming the door as he practically flew from the room.

Aria Dumbledore had no words to say. She was less shocked by his sudden departure than the fact he had actually stayed with her all evening, spending some time together, in their own unique way. Abandoning her pad and quill, Aria slipped into bed, falling asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow.

Severus on the other hand did not drift off so easily. He spent half the night damning himself for being so vulnerable and getting himself into that situation, and the other half dreaming of the possibilities that could have happened had he stayed. Though he knew nothing would have happened, even if he wanted it to. She was in a relationship and Snape was not one for physical affection. However, he allowed himself the small luxury of dreaming about her for one night.

Taglist: @ayamenimthiriel

@lizlil

#severus snape #severus snape fanfiction #severus snape one shot #Severus Snape smut #severus snape imagine #severus snape x reader #severus snape x y/n #severus x oc #severus x y/n #severus x reader #Harry Potter #harry potter and the goblet of fire #harry potter fanfiction #alan rickman #dumbledore #dumbledores granddaughter #potions master #potions masters apprentice #severus snape fluff

57 notes · View notes

lordeasriel · 3 years ago

Text

ATTWN: A Look at Miss Brent

I keep circling around the idea of writing And Then There Were None meta, like a full, proper analysis of the novel, but I just can't settle down on how to do it, cause I do have many thoughts, but I can't seem to organise them in a way it will make sense. But-

I was thinking about Miss Brent today, and she's not exactly a character I have that many thoughts compared to Vera or Armstrong, but she certainly has my interest. What strikes me stronger about her is her complacency, in a way.

Let's look at the novel first: here's this sixty-something woman, a spinster who takes on girls from local charities/orphanages to train them into proper maids or whatever. It's not an unusual thing for that time based on the rest of Christie's novels, it seemed like a common occurrence for the period. At any rate, she's very righteous, uptight, her belief is almost borderline fanatical, she never hesitates over her "innocence" in front of the accusations, and the thing is: she doesn't deny shunning the girl away.

Unlike the others, who remain resilient on their innocence (Lombard the exception cause he literally confessed right away), Miss Brent never denies that she did refuse to help Beatrice. In her own mind, she didn't do anything wrong - and if we're going there, in its fucked up way, she technically didn't do anything wrong. She had no familial attachment to the girl, she didn't have to do anything for her legally speaking; morally, of course, she should have but we don't arrest people for being morally corrupt lmao Let alone death sentence them. *coughs*

But what gets me it's her complacency. You know, I'm blaming this on the windy day, but thinking about her, sitting by herself almost all the time (including when she died), she never does anything. Unlike the others, Vera included considering how Christie often writes the women isolated, Miss Brent never gets involved in either investigating or helping them to find a way out; she just sits and knits and eventually bosses Vera around or say some mean stuff to someone. She doesn't act, which is odd for us as a reader; I mean, if I was in her spot I would have already made a signal for help, even with the bad weather lmao This book heavily traumatised me anyway--

Miss Brent doesn't act, that's my main point. In her head, I suppose she expects some sort of divine intervention, in its way; not a miracle, but you know, she expected her righteousness guaranteed her safety. She sees the other deaths as punishment, she thinks them all guilty, perhaps not the General or Wargrave, but I've no doubt she considers the rest of them wicked and deserving of the punishment, but never herself. She didn't do anything wrong, she has got nothing to feel sorry for. There is a whole section, where Vera asks Miss Brent if she is not afraid or if she simply doesn't mind dying. To which she reacts exactly like I said before, like she was above them all, like death wouldn't come for her.

Now, I will just vaguely go over the show because I think their choice of handling her was an interesting one. I like most of the choices made by show, except the ending which I'll save for another day of ranting, but Miss Brent in the show behaves similarly, but her background gets deeper. For one there was two key things - I say two because I've seen two different interpretations of this - and they were 1) repressed lesbian and 2) predator. Now, these two could coexist with each other, she could have been taking in girls to take advantage of them, but I don't know, I think it would be hard for her to do that always, so I like to think if repressed lesbian was it, then it makes more sense for her crime and her reaction. It would be related to a feeling of betrayal - "I've given you a home, a job, affection and you still went behind my back to be a whore" - and it's something Miss Brent would probably not acknowledge. She was always too religious, too righteous, so Beatrice probably haunted her more in death than she did in life: no one would believe this ragged girl over any accusations - even if there was consent on her part. But that's just beside the point.

What I mean for the show is, they go in a different direction. Miss Brent's reactions over the murders are a little more in line with her religious dynamic for the show: when Tony dies, she makes a little prayer, she worries about Mrs. Rogers state when she sees her passed out (despite the fact she humiliated her earlier over being meek and weak and so on), she has a judgemental attitude towards Vera, but even that comes from a place of almost understanding? She still judges them harshly, but she is a lot less harsh to the ones she consider less harmful (aka she is absolutely distasteful about Lombard, whose crime is easily the worst crime in the show and she thinks so).

Of course, all of her views and beliefs and behaviours are based on her own lifestyle, so she is a bit blind and biased - when Lombard points out about the missionaries crimes in Africa, after she calls him out; or when she states she couldn't imagine crossing paths with a man like him, despite the fact she knows well enough they're all there because they're guilty - so she is bound to hypocrisy every now and again. But her fanaticism from the book is turned into a proper, religious attitude; she does abide by the Bible, she condemns very little her other companions (I mean, she still judges Vera over her youth and her inertia, she judges Armstrong's lack of calm, she judges Lombard because well, because of his Existence™ lmao) She is, of course, judgmental and vain and arrogant, but this is less cartoony and more realistic. More importantly, because her beliefs are much more ingrained in her life, she is afraid. She is genuinely afraid and that is an important, key change that I genuinely like.

Miss Brent has faith, at first, that they will leave the Island, so she stills acts very coldly at first and of course, she still denies her guilt, she still claims she did the right thing and Beatrice caused her own undoing. But, the show pursues the idea that Miss Brent, upon being reminded of the event, starts to feel guilt: when she is praying she hallucinates Beatrice (hallucionation was a choice they did to convey these feelings, but you could just claim that's a memory in her head); and more importantly, before her death - which happens the day after she hallucinates - her demeanor changes entirely. She goes from trying to stay calm and resolute before the tide, to feeling weary. That's important because unlike Book! Emily, she is fully aware she has committed a sin, and now whether that is her neglect of Beatrice's pleas or her own feelings for her, that's beside the point. The point is this woman realises she is very close to meet her maker and the burden of having sinned wears her down.

Miss Brent also adds "It's only wool" when Vera is pouring her coffee (which I had to crop cause Gif size), which is her redirecting her distress to something mundane (in another scene later, Vera mentions how doing the dishes is a mundane task, which she finds soothing. In fact, seeking a sense of normalcy is a recurring theme for the show, but also for the book) and ordinary. Vera, of course, notices her distress over being hunted; she shares the feeling, and I don't want to focus too much on Vera because I'll talk about her eventually later, but this shows how Miss Brent changes drastically.

On their first conversation after the dinner, Vera's impression of Miss Brent is of an uptight, self-righteous, straight-up cruel woman and she avoids her if she can help it, and truth be told, Miss Brent does act very badly and says bad things, Vera is not being touchy about it. So when Vera lays the coffee tray, she is ready to walk away before Miss Brent addresses her (she even makes a dry remark on "There is no milk, I'm afraid", which is meant to spite Miss Brent's earlier attitude over asking for perfect eggs after Mrs Rogers died and so on), and Miss Brent talks so unlike herself, a weariness that makes Vera reconsider and come back, to pour her coffee. She feels sorry for Miss Brent, because she finally cracked like the others; Miss Brent knows now that no amount of faith might defend her from this killer, because this killer has got nothing to do with a justice kill.

She stays seated, knitting again, but when she reaches for the coffee she hesitates. She realises Vera could have poisoned it (before entering the room, since she watches Vera pouring the coffee), and then she puts it down. There is a sense of danger in her, and she has no desire to die, unlike in the book where she so casually just stays behind, unafraid in her own attitude of superiority. I like this change a lot; I think showing her fear before her God enhances her religious mania a lot more, because she truly fears Divine Judgement, because she understands, deep down, that she did a bad thing; maybe not murder - I mean, it wasn't murder after all - but she still did a morally bad thing. If there is a Heaven, it won't be for her.

#and then there were none #emily brent #attwn meta #this is my tag for it from now on i'll keep it separate from hdm

26 notes · View notes