#they're all allowed to have reactions to said trauma

[dazzle02]

Shameless -- Ian Gallagher 5x12-7x11 Defence!!

I'm going to start this off by saying I love all the characters. (Minus the obvious...) I despise the way so many fans talk about Ian. I HATE the narrative that Mickey deserved better than him, that Ian was always wrong in every disagreement. I seriously do.

The one I hate the most is Ian not going to Mexico with Mickey. He was NOT wrong for that. In the slightest. In fact, I'm sorry, but Mickey was wrong for asking him to.

Ian had worked so hard to build a life for himself. He fought so hard to become an EMT. He worked so hard to get to a stable place. And he's just supposed to abandon all of that? Ditch his family who he loves. Leave the job he worked so hard for that he loves. Totally risk his mental health due to not having access to proper health care due to the fact that he would become a fugitive had he gone with him, plus the instability of a life on the run would've been terrible for him.

And yes, in S8 he did end up manic, and he did end up a fugitive and then in prison and losing his job. But he didn't know that was going to happen. He DID know it would definitely have happened if he'd gone to Mexico with Mickey. And if by some miracle they managed to stay out of prison, he never would've been able to see his family again. I know everyone loves to say Mickey was the only support system he needs or whatever, but that's just NOT true in the slightest. Ian loves his family. His siblings mean the world to him.

And you know what? In the long run, him not going was much better for both of them. If he'd gone, they would've just spent the rest of their lives on the run in Mexico as fugitives, he'd likely never be in a very good place with his bipolar, and it'd just be them and I truly think they'd have grown to resent each other. But with him not going, Mickey ended up turning himself back in when he went to Prison, and ended up getting let out the right way meaning they could actually have a life together where they had other family, Ian could take care of his bipolar properly, and there likely won't be any resentment.

Now look, I love Mickey. And I totally understand him. He's got so much trauma. But I'm gonna be pretty critical of him right now. Mostly because no one ever seems to be and I need to point this out.

He was in Prison for a crime he DID commit. He drugged Sammi. He planned to torture her. He thought he'd killed her. And hey, I hate Sammi and I honestly do enjoy those scenes between Mickey and Debbie. But at the end of the day, he DID commit the crime he was arrested for.

And I hate people saying that Ian should understand he did that for him and that he was in prison for Ian. NO!

Ian never asked him to do that. It wasn't for Ian. I'm sorry, but it just wasn't. To me, doing things FOR someone it HAS TO BE something they'd actually WANT done. Or that would actually benefit them.

Ian never would've wanted them to go after Sammi like that. And it wasn't going to do him any good either. She was leaving. She hurt him in a TERRIBLE way and she needed some sort of consequences, but at the end of the day that wasn't doing anything for Ian.

What he'd needed at that point was stability. Ian obviously got out of Military Prison and ran off with Monica, then came back and broke up with Mickey. But I honestly believe that if Mickey hadn't then been arrested Ian would've found his way back to him pretty quickly, I mean just look at Ian during that scene. He was NOT okay. He was on the verge of a depressive episode. And he felt he was hurting Mickey by keeping him around, and he also was feeling like everyone just saw him as something that needed to be fixed. I mean, he was on his meds from the start of S6! I truly think that had Mickey not been arrested, they would've been able to work things out.

But instead Mickey was arrested. And I truly think Ian was really hurt at learning what went down. It wasn't about Sammi, he couldn't care less about her. I don't even think it was even about Mickey trying to kill/torture her.

I mean, look at it from Ian's perspective for a moment. He's just opened up to Mickey about how shitty his meds make him feel, he feels he's getting somewhere with Mickey being his partner again instead of his caretaker, then MP's show up and arrest him and he's in Military Prison. And what does Mickey decide to do? Torture Sammi. Get revenge. Sometimes revenge isn't what someone needs. At that point in time, Ian needed stability. I think in his mind, Mickey took this huge risk at the time he needed him the most and it got him in prison. And I think that would've hurt him. But I also think he would feel a lot of guilt, because Mickey's excuse for it was that he did it FOR IAN. And I will always hate things like that.

People say Ian just abandoned Mickey in Prison. But I honestly think Ian felt abandoned by Mickey too.

So yeah, Mickey was in Prison because he committed a crime. Then he escaped. And I get it. No one wants to be in Prison. But people act like he was in there for a crime he didn't commit and that just isn't true.

Ian didn't owe Mickey anything. Him not going to Mexico was NOT a betrayal. It was him realising that it wouldn't be a good idea. For either of them. He gave him ALL HIS MONEY! And that is HUGE for a Gallagher. He grew up with so little money. They were barely scraping by so often. And he was finally making a stable income, he had SAVINGS, and he gave it ALL to Mickey. Because at the end of the day, even though he knew he couldn't go with him, he wanted Mickey to be okay. And he WANTED TO GO! You can see it that Ian wanted to go. But he knew he couldn't.

And while we're at it. Fiona wasn't wrong for telling Ian that Mickey would set a match to the life he'd built. HE WAS A FUGITIVE! It's not even about Mickey as a person. It's about the fact that Ian never could've had a stable life with him while he was a fugitive having escaped from prison. (Honestly, I could write so much about Fiona and Lip and the narrative that they always treated Mickey terribly and never gave him a chance. I will defend the Gallaghers forever. They've fucked up, but this is something I will ALWAYS defend them on!! And I might make a post about this another time...)

In conclusion, Ian loves Mickey. Mickey loves Ian. But Ian was not wrong to not go to Mexico, and I maintain that Mickey shouldn't have asked him to. I just genuinely don't think he stopped to think about the damage it would do to Ian's mental health, which is understandable as he was in a very stressful situation. But people need to stop villainising Ian for choosing to do what was best for them both.

[sweaterkittensahoy]

Stop misappropriating the abuse and trauma cults use through purity culture for your stupid fucking shipping discourse? Holy fuck no wonder everyone hates this whole discourse.

Since when is "priests getting shuffled around after raping kids and kids being told they're sinful because they had bodily reactions to being SAd" comparable to "Bobo the clown said my ship was cringe"

I'm not gonna answer this with The Aristocrats, as a I threatened, because I want to make a very serious point to this anon:

Purity culture isn't just religious abuse. It is most widely connected to religious abuse. Including actions in the Catholic Church and all fundamentalist Christianity. It's entire existence is about terrifying and indoctrinating people into being fearful of their own actions and bodies so that they feel certain that moving out from the "umbrella of safety" (to use a fundamentalist term) will result in them being harmed in ways they can't imagine. This is generally happening at the same time as they are being harmed by those who are supposed to be keeping them safe from all those terrible, worldly evils. Like speaking up when you're being abused. Believing you are not responsible for the actions of a rapist, and many, many other things that any person with an ounce of self-worth and good sense (two things not allowed in fundamentalist circles) knows are true in abuse situations.

But the point of the purity culture as identity in the above-mentioned circles is to teach people from birth that they aren't to have their own feelings, ideas, or instincts. They are only to follow the feelings, ideas, and instincts on the approved list in order to stay within the structures they know and feel safe in even as they feel very unsafe.

That being said:

Purity culture can also exist WITHOUT a religious structure while still being about controlling the thoughts, feelings, and actions of everyone within it. In terms of fandom, purity culture is groups of people stating that if you write something uncomfortable or gross or immoral, then YOU must be uncomfortable or gross or immoral and therefore, not worthy of the safety and moral superiority of the group.

Purity culture without religion teaches black and white thinking, encourages thought policing, and shames anyone who steps outside of a very narrow definition of good and bad by turning an entire group of people against them for being "bad".

Just like in religious circles.

Just like in the cult of fundamentalism.

Purity culture is a term taken by fundamentalists and turned into a whole way of life because the goal of fundamentalism is to make people too scared to leave. Purity culture in fandom does the same thing. It uses fear and threats of abandonment/harassment to control the way people act because a group of people decided they didn't like something, so they must try and wipe it out rather than simply ignore it.

I am not mis-using the term because "Bobo the clown said my ship was cringe." My use of the term is intentional and precise because what is happening in fandom spaces now is non-religious purity culture cult thinking. My use of the term does not invalidate or water down the use of it in conversations about religious abuse and trauma. With or without religion, purity culture is a dangerous cult of "us vs them" that is built to demoralize and eradicate those deemed unworthy.

[theminecraftbox]

to be honest, I think fandom exaggerating dream's analytical and intelligent abilities dream's plan is literally so stupid, like, many refer to it as "ignoring feelings for the sake of strict calculation, the end justifies the means blah blah blah a smart, logical plan that will nevertheless lead to psychological dissatisfaction", but the plan is literally the most ill-conceived thing I ever heard, like, that's not even a plan?? they're testing the revival book in hopes that one day it will somehow help them achieve immortality and restart the server - that's just ridiculous and I also have no idea how dream expects that restarting the server will solve his/their/servers problems, like how is that supposed to work? and this “if we are immortal, no one will have to suffer and we can live forever and know and blah blah blah” such naive crap, honestly I could ask a thousand probing questions or give a thousand reasons why this plan wouldn't work in any reality, and I doubt dream wouldn't have asked these questions in the months they've been running their tests; the plan is literally just his feelings: afraid to die → need immortality, lost everything and it's killing me → need a restart and so on - there's no analysis behind this shit

I literally find it strange not the fact that punz allows this, although the plan harms dream, but the fact that he really believes in this plan and follows it, like, come on, punz is +- fine, there is no trauma that can overshadow his ability to think, why is he indulging in this stupid idea?

strongly agree / agree / ambivalent / disagree / strongly disagree / don’t care whatsoever

I think you're conflating a bunch of things. Dream's plan is not the same as his methodology. His methodology is not the same as his motivations. Having emotional reasons for a plan is not the same thing as that plan being stupid. "lost everything and it's killing me → need a restart" isn't a description of a stupid plan, that's a description of an over-emotional motivation for a plan. Just because you disagree with what his goal was trying to achieve doesn't mean that the strategies he took to achieve that goal were stupid.

Like, take staged finale as an example. I can argue that it's overkill or a poorly considered goal to imprison himself in dangerous circumstances chiefly to achieve a) protecting his close ally b) getting the server off his back and c) getting a sick base. But I won't claim that the steps he took to set up and execute staged finale aren't evidence of someone successfully using strategic thinking to accomplish his goals, which is generally what people are talking about when invoking strategist!Dream.

Dream expecting that his plan will fix his emotional problems isn't stupid in that it's a failure of logic. It's stupid in that it's a failure in identifying that his problems are actually emotional. Which gets covered pretty handily in the genuine finale! Tommy didn't say "your plan is stupid because you neglected to consider these reasons that curing death won't actually work." Instead, Tommy said, "your plan is stupid because you're failing to see that you're hurting people here and now and you could have the friends you want here and now if you just put down your damn book and make peace." which, I'm gonna be honest, also sounds a bit like naive crap to me.

Also, you're acting as if his plan is based simply on an unspecified fear of death when all signs point to it literally being a reaction to the existence of the revival book! Like, sure, when you phrase it like "hur dur maybe this magic book will fix my problems" it sounds pretty stupid. But what actually happened was more along the lines of "permadeath didn't exist on this server as a concept, now it does. revival didn't exist on this server as a concept, now it does. maybe one of these can be used to fix the other." Which is pretty damn straightforward to my eyes!

I really, truly don't see what the problem is with "plan fix death" when you literally have a necromancy book. (Like, logistically, not ethically or whatever.) It seems like the supernatural complications with the balance of life and death, whatever XD's deal is, the server reset, Foolish and the experiments upsetting the balance, all of that, came later (and lacks its conclusion for doylist reasons). but WHY the complaint that fixing death doesn't make sense????? that's like. thing numero uno when you have a damn revival book. sorry if I'm getting carried away but I've seen this argument before and it genuinely makes no sense to me. Reads the same to me as "if you have a hammer and some wood and nails why are you trying to build a table." maybe because I have the tools for the job?

Not to mention that even if we pretended that Dream's only motivation was trying to stop conflict, the plan "learn how to revive people" is still a really obvious solution! Make conflict not have permanent consequences? that's like. an easy mitigating solution.

Also, there's a more general conflation happening here between Dream's unwellness and a more general notion of stupidity. Which I also disagree with. His paranoid spiral led to him locking himself in a prison, but that doesn't mean it was stupid for him to conclude he needed protection, and that his allies needed protection.

The thing with Punz is a separate question, but it's one that I think Punz has answered handily himself: Punz wants knowledge and power, he says so outright, in simple language. He's not indulging a stupid idea: he's in cahoots with a guy who's brought him a ton of knowledge and power. The revive book is real, it's got real results, and it's shown Punz a glimpse of a world he clearly thinks is achievable: a world in which the supernatural shit has indeed been solved. And I don't see why you think he's silly to believe so, given the evidence he's seen with his own eyes.

[fountainpenguin]

Riddle watches New Wish - Post #22

Best of Wish

I enjoy Irep's grit-teethed remark when he mentions Anti-Fairies can't have godkids. He's just like his dad, for real, for real.

If he's this annoyed at the thought of Anti-Fairies not being allowed godkids, that kinda implies he wants one, which is interesting. Godkids were always one of Anti-Cosmo's interests, but never something Foop pursued on purpose or ever expressed interest in.

Please enjoy this cut Anti-Cosmo dialogue from an early script for "Fairly Oddlympics" that I think about constantly:

btw, there are a lot of funny deleted scenes in the old scripts that I love talking about, especially from this one, so if you find anything that catches your eye and post about it, you should @ me because I would enjoy reading your reactions <3

Plot twist - Irep is doing healthy things to work through his "scary godparent for Vicky" trauma while Peri's reaction to Vicky trauma was to cover his ears, hide behind his mom, and sing "La la la, la la la" to pretend she wasn't there.

Peri said his memories of childhood are blurry. I wonder if Irep remembers his childhood better since he was fully able to talk and comprehend things back then.

"Once a fairy quits, any magical being can take their place!"

I mean... Technically yes, but you used to have to sing for it. lol.

The Pixies, who are literally last in line for godkids below all other magical beings (including pegasi, bigfeet, and lake monsters), watching Irep stroll in like: ???

- which imo was implied to be a punishment for their race after H.P. was godparent to some unconfirmed kid I've been headcanoning was Dale for 7 years-

Actually, I like the implication that Irep was so fast to snipe Dev because he's been stalking them since he found out Peri was assigned a godkid.

Irep: Once a fairy quits, any magical being can take their place! Wanda: Peri didn't quit! He was waiting for you to call! Cosmo: He thought you two were on a break! Me: ... ?????? Peri was waiting for Irep to call and take him back? Run that by me again??

... I legitimately cannot tell if they're addressing Dev or Irep. Irep was the last person to speak, but Dev speaks next. Rewinding and listening to the conversation again, I can use my context clues to see they're probably looking at Dev (who is offscreen), but ?? why would you frame it that ambiguously.

Did anyone else get confused here or was that just me?

Also this has done nothing to disprove my previous "Peri is clingy especially where break-ups are concerned" interpretation.

I like how the very first wish Dev makes in this scene isn't for his dad to love him, but for Bev to love him.

How many kids in this class have names that rhyme with Dev and why is he so determined to befriend them all?

?? Okay, so I was previously confused about Dev's friendships because I was pretty sure I remembered him saying in Episode 1 that he and Trev were friends, but we haven't seen them interact at all. I went back and checked, and here's what he says:

"That's Trev! He's my bud, so he probably won't give YOU the time of day."

I wish we got to see him hanging out with Trev. Did they split after Trev didn't come to his sleepover?

- I just checked; I don't see any evidence of Trev at Hazel's. - Hey, did Winn and Jasmine ever find out Hazel lied to them about living in a 5-star hotel? - In conclusion, we are being ROBBED of the Trev-Dev-Bev friend squad.

Looking back, it's very funny that Dev made an effort to introduce Hazel to people when she was the new kid despite that not being his job... including giving some glowing reviews of a few of their classmates, including "This guy's my bud, this person's cool, and I respect this other guy." He wants to talk...

Also, moon is full in New York.

I keep waiting for Irep's music to drop again, but it never does in this scene. It's stressing me out; why did it only drop in THAT scene?

The version I'm watching unfortunately doesn't include credits and I can't find it after a few quick searches, but if Guy Moon did the music for this episode and remembered how he used to do it for Foop and his alt personality when they would do their switch cues 14 years ago, and so when he saw that body language he did it again, I'm gonna lose it.

Surely not... But he had to do it for at least 3 seasons; maybe it just stuck??

I don't see him credited for A New Wish at all on his own IMBD or Wiki page either. idk who did this episode, but I liked it. Hi, I'm the target audience; it's me.

And Irep's still a leftie! Even after putting both hands on the mace handle to smash it down, it goes back to his left when he takes one hand off.

He even does the "sword fight" with his left hand. It's the boy!!!

?? Is Irep's hair both blue (like both his parents') AND black (the color his tuft was in the OG series)?

Are his roots black, but the color eases to dark blue the farther out it grows? That's fantastic!

I like how Peri's hair looks most like his mom's but with a faint slope implying his dad's influence is there, and Irep's hair best parallels his dad's, but he gets his curl from his mom.

Huh. Looks like we've retired the 5 magic colors and now we're just pink poofs and dark blue lightning. Which I'm okay with; I just wasn't paying attention until now. But I know lightning-shaped Anti-Fairy magic was canon in "School of Crock," maybe others.

This does deprive me of my usual 2nd-watch shtick of reading moods based on color. Alas.

I enjoy Hazel rescuing the news reporter, but letting her know that she's a big fan of her work.

Okay, Irep uses his right hand at the last second, but I consider this a win.

I went back and checked frame by frame because I'm a NERD, and funnily enough... It looks like he changes hands after Cosmo blasts him in the left arm. It's hard to tell with the poof cloud, but when you consider the direction he moved (buffeted backwards), that implies it was a left-side hit. It's probably just coincidence, but that's funny.

I like Dev's silly star shades during this scene:

Peri's back!! Old buddies, ol' counterpart pals... I love that teeny-tiny movement Peri makes with his fingers to symbolize air quotes around "quit."

"I never gave two weeks notice~!!"

Also, this definitely belongs in my collection of counterparts using the same body language for opposite moods. idk if we'll see more of that, but it excites me that my stash grows!

I like Peri patting Dev on the head.

"He's still my godkid! :)"

Ooh, snap. Local cousins (once removed) are here to lay down Da Rules, as von Strangles do.

Aw, I like how undoing Dev's cheating means Hazel ends up with the prize shirt. I guess that makes sense; it just wouldn't have been my first thought.

I'm glad adult Irep makes squeaky sounds when you squeeze him. I seem to remember OG Poof making squeaky sounds when he bounced off walls.

Aw, Peri having a happy hug with his parents again! Instead of him feeling like they're overbearing. That's great.

Peri once again proving he's a jealous, clingy ex. I don't think this kid was okay when he was pried away from Timmy and I don't think he took his parents' leaving him on his own for 10k years very well.

I really enjoy Peri's body language throughout this series. All his little twitches and arm rubs and flicking eyes... It says a million words. You could talk forever about him.

I enjoy Dev and Hazel a lot this series, but I think Peri's my favorite. With all his little anxieties and moments he avoids eye contact, you really get the sense that he's working through a lot of baggage.

I like how his instinct was to be honest with his parents and then he immediately regrets it and closes off his body language, avoiding eye contact. He retracts what he said and says something else that he thinks makes him look better. He's got a lot going on.

The fact that he makes this big, decisive head nod as he changes his story to claim he wasn't "jealously spying on Dev" after quitting as his godparent, but he was instead "very normally and confidently passing by" is fantastic. That's... not how people talk in normal conversation, Peri. But I'm glad you're telling me you struggle with confidence issues.

- I think everything I've seen of you supports that. You've been the biggest anxiety ball ever since you got here. - Peri is the guy who'd be on edge wondering if he did something to make everyone mad.

It took me forever to get the above screenshots so I had to keep rewinding, and I have to say... I'm obsessed with that itty-bitty head tilt he does to the left before he goes full right. Idk why it's there, but I like it. It's like a shrug, or like he's thinking through his lie? I enjoy.

Also that teeny-tiny head squirm when he's enjoying the hug with his parents. He's so cute.

Okay, that's pretty messed-up of Peri to laugh with his parents while Dev is in the background really upset. Like, Peri is literally talking about Dev behind his back

-> I wish they'd snuck hints of purple in the background to indicate Peri was there, like a milk carton or pencil or something.

-> I stand by everything I've previously said about Peri not being emotionally mature enough to godparent. His kid needs comfort after a tough experience! Dev just got snapped at and punished by authority and now he's sitting on the ground looking dejected, and Peri's over there giggling!

-> C'mon, man! Hazel clocked on and she's trying to do your job for you. She shouldn't have to do that! (Though it's nice of her to try comforting her friend).

Oop, Dev just yelled at Hazel (again) and Peri did not discourage or discipline him in any way, and tbh... I don't think he even noticed. Because he was laughing and talking about his godkid with his parents. Dude, get your crown in the game.

I love Hazel throwing her prize shirt in Dev's face and shouting that she "hopes it was worth it" <3

I still don't know how to spell O-pairs and at this point, I'm too afraid to ask.

omg, Dev wants to learn about Anti-Fairies. Are we going to get lore and culture? Drama...

PERI, your godkid's running away!! Oh no, he can't hear us... he's got anxiety...

[paperclipninja]

I can't believe I forgot one of the most significant moments (imo) when I was mulling over duality etc here, and that is when Crowley goes up to Heaven to try and figure out what's going on. Actually, it's more than just multiple layers of truth. Yes there are a couple of truths at play, but as an audience we are given SO much information in this scene that it's almost hard to take it all in so I'm going to try and lay it out.

Here is what we learn in the whole scene:

Crowley knows that Muriel is a scrivener, including that they're 37th class. How?? Up until Crowley tricking Muriel into taking him to Heaven, there'd been no conversation about their angelic status

Crowley has a solid understanding of the way Heaven works and how to get around it (bees/once you're in, that they never change passwords etc)

Crowley has access to high level files

Saraqael seems to have a fondness? towards Crowley and allows him to view the trial, let's him know what happened and tells Muriel off but also not really

We get all the info about Gabriel and what happened

That Heaven wipes memories when demoting angels

When the alarm goes off because Aziraphale uses his halo, Crowley declares 'let's get back there' and directs Saraqael, 'you too' and they follow without question (though Crowley's original plan may have been to go and get Heavenly reinforcement but still, interesting the way he takes control and they just listen)

So the overarching duality in this scene - yes it is hilarious, the way Crowley gets Muriel to take him to Heaven in the first place and of course this whole situation:

but it's also an incredible act of love.

The entire season establishes unmistakably that Crowley has some very real trauma from his experience of being in Heaven as Aziraphale and cast into the hellfire, highlighted through his reactions to JimGabriel. Not to mention his history with Heaven and all that.

So in trying to come up with a solution to the demons attacking the bookshop, knowing that Heaven no longer have any real interest in helping Aziraphale, he willingly goes up there, the place he has made his feelings about very clear, to try and find some answers.

Yes this is a demonstration of Crowley's love for Aziraphale but it's also a demonstration of his love of humans and humanity. He puts aside his own feelings, takes a real risk (because he couldn't have known how any of the senior angels might respond to him being there...could he? Or what if the Metatron had seen him there? That's another pondering for another day...) and goes to the one place he has outright said he doesn't want to go back to, just to try and find a way to protect the humans and help Aziraphale.

THIS, to me, is the entire crux of where this is all heading. It's exactly the same reason Aziraphale gets in that lift. At the end of the day, Crowley and Aziraphale love humanity and want to protect it, even if it means risking themselves.

The multiple truths of this scene actually create a distraction I think. The humour of Crowley's outfit and little prancy toes make us think this is a light and funny moment, while we're also delighted by his subversion of Heavens 'rules' and processes and the revelations about Gabriel. It is both funny and informative. It does give us hints about Crowley's past while moving the current story forward.

But I think it's easy to miss the actions here, and that is that Crowley, who was cast out of Heaven, witnessed the ease with which they continue to cast angels into hellfire, saw the callousness of the Supreme Archangel as he condemned his best friend to no longer exist, put aside all he's witnessed and experienced because of love.

This is a love story. The love story of an angel and a demon, yes, but the love story of two entities, hereditary enemies, who fall in love with humanity and whose love for one another will give them the strength to protect it. At least, that's my take on it anyway :)

[markantonys]

i was caught super off-guard by the reveal that the wondergirls will in fact return to the white tower at the start of s3, because i'd long assumed there surely wouldn't be time for that. my gut reaction was to be Not Thrilled about it, due to worrying that it would mean spending too long rehashing s2 territory rather than moving on to the next phase of the girls' stories, but having mulled it over, i now see many reasons to be excited about it! naturally, lots of them are gawyn-related <3 and "letting characters spend precious time together before they're separated for the next 10 books"-related

GAWENE!!!!!!!!!! gawene gawene gawene!!!!!! it was always a point of sorrow for me that my prior s3 structure theories couldn't fit in any gawene time beyond "maaaaaybe they could have a brief meeting in caemlyn if the waste-bound gang makes a pitstop there", but now they might get to have multiple scenes across multiple episodes! they might have a chance to build a solid initial emotional connection before the story takes them apart for a while! i am literally overjoyed at the prospect!

in addition to this being good for me, it's also good for the story and for rand's future romantic endeavors. egwene ALSO showing sparks of interest in a new person (especially if said new person is a cute prince who worships the ground she walks on - yes this is the truth of who gawyn is, you all don't know him like i do) will do wonders to sell show-onlys on a Final Randgwene Breakup. we need to see that egwene and rand are BOTH moving on from each other and BOTH ready to leave their romance in the past and start new relationships.

it's also important for later, because gawyn's future storyline hinges on him feeling emotionally attached enough to egwene to be willing to desert his own army to help her

guys imagine egwene meeting gawyn for the first time AFTER all her damane trauma instead of before........i could totally imagine her feeling uneasy or stifled around nynaeve and elayne for a little while because they look at her with such pity and guilt over what happened and being with her old friends reminds her too painfully of how much she's changed as a person after what she's been through, but gawyn is a brand-new post-trauma friend, he doesn't know any version of her but the one before him now, he doesn't know what happened to her, he doesn't feel sorry for her, he's not constantly trying to apologize to her or ask if she's okay or tiptoe around her, and thus spending time with him allows her to just feel Normal again. i'm emotional!!!!

anyway

more tower time will also allow proper wondergirls trio time! we didn't really have it in s2 since nynaeve & elayne didn't become close until after egwene was captured, and we won't have much time for it in the future since they'll be split up for a lot of the story, so getting a couple episodes now with them as a full trio will be wonderful.

and more specifically, more time for the egwene-elayne friendship! they were so sweet in s2, but didn't get a TON of time actually together, and they might not see each other in person much for the rest of the series (though TAR zoom calls might be plentiful), so i'll be thrilled to see them get to hang out a little at the beginning of the season. and especially to see egwene's end of the friendship and see her affirming how much she cares for elayne, after the back half of s2 treated us to a lot of elayne's end of it and her devotion to egwene.

trakand siblings!!! another big point of sorrow for me in my previous theorizing was that elayne wouldn't get to actually interact with her brothers except for perhaps in a flashback cold open (i'd imagined elayne would go straight to tanchico from falme & the bros would show up at the white tower looking for her). but now, we will get to see all three of them together! we'll get to see the full sibling dynamic! and considering that they might never be all three together in one place again (depending on how the show maneuvers people around), this will be invaluable.

it will also help the brothers' characterizations & storylines to see how they interact with elayne and how that later results in desperation to keep her safe & get answers on her whereabouts leading them towards some questionable decisions

egwene taking her accepted test early in the season (potentially even in the first episode?) could be a very handy vehicle for showing the audience where her headspace is at in the wake of all her s2 trauma. i'd imagine her test scenes will be Accepted Test: Abridged Version since we already dove so deeply into it with nynaeve, but something like the seanchan as her past trauma in arch 1 and romance with rand as the piece of home she needs to let go of in arch 2 could be done as quick but effective scenes to show us what she's wrestling with internally at the moment.

and getting more egwene-siuan interactions will be very fun! seeing how the wondergirls might feel about siuan after hearing of her Attempted Randnapping (if they do hear about it from rand and moiraine, two people who are famous for not telling anyone things) would be interesting.

possible elayne accepted test giving us insight into her character? i won't bank on it since 3 onscreen accepted tests might be excessive, but at the very least we might get a scene like the books where she and egwene are both shaken after their tests and nynaeve comforts them, and perhaps elayne tells them a bit about what she saw in the arches.

also! if mat is also involved in some early-season tower shenanigans, then of course this means getting the mat-gawyn-galad fight, which means i can finally realize my long-held dream of putting the text post "guy frantically looking up 'i think i like men' on his phone immediately after losing a fight with another man" onto a relevant screencap of gawyn. this is crucial stuff, people! and i will in general be delighted to see any potential mat-gawyn interactions. soon it will be time to prepare my Unexpected Ships bingo card for s3!

[leslutdepointedulac]

Did Nicki really love Lestat?

I feel like there's sometimes a question in this fandom as to whether or not Nicki truly loved Lestat, or if it was all a 'ruse' of sorts. Some people will say that there was no love there, either at points, or just overall. But personally, I'm inclined to disagree. The way I see it, Nicki did genuinely love Lestat, especially at the beginning of their relationship.

They knew each other as children and, to an extent, they grew up together. This already puts them in a relatively close relationship with each other. This relationship between them starts out as just a friendship, but of course this evolves into something more.

When Nicki presents Lestat with the cloak, it's him who is acting rather flirty towards Lestat, not the other way around with him leaning into him and saying

"Only the impossible can do the impossible."

A week later when they're in the room at the inn, Nicki is the one who leans in and initiates that first show of intimacy, by kissing Lestat. Granted they were drunk at the time, but Nicki doesn't give me the impression he goes around kissing just anyone, even while intoxicated. I think the fact that they were drunk was just the perfect excuse/opportunity for Nicki to act on his feelings towards Lestat.

Further down the line, when they're in Paris - and at this point have been together for several months - Lestat returns to the theatre after his 'disappearance'. One of the first things the other actors do when Lestat initially arrives, is call Nicki to tell him that Lestat is back. And once he turns up to join the others in greeting Lestat, the actors immediately part to make way for Nicki to come through. I think they all knew there was a deeper level of connection between them. They share a very long and tender moment together, which the troupe allows without disturbance. Personally, I see that hug between them as coming from a place of love, heartbreak that they had been separated, and relief that they're back together again. Yes, Nicki had previously been, and still was angry and hurt that Lestat had supposedly left him, and without any warning. Especially considering Lestat was - as far as everyone else was concerned - perfectly fine during that time, only for him to turn up out of the blue with little to no explanation as to his whereabouts. I think Nicki's anger at this was partially down to Nicki being terrified at the thought he had lost his lover, and he couldn't hold his upset in.

Skipping forward to Nicki's turning, in my opinion, his very recently experienced trauma, combined with his already fragile mental state, were both amped up x100 by said turning.

The way I see it, Nicki got overwhelmed by the recent events and his mental condition clouded his mind causing him to lash out at the one person who he loved the most. Lestat. The reasoning for him lashing out at Lestat specifically, being because he was so immensely hurt by Lestat's disappearance, with him returning acting as though nothing had happened. This understandably angered Nicki, and mixed with his strong feelings for Lestat, it all bubbled up and exploded in their faces.

I think Nicki said what he said to Lestat during their last proper interaction, because he was deeply hurt and quite frankly, he just wasn't well. I don't think he was seeing/thinking clearly, and was probably also confused by the very sudden and drastic changes in his life. This led to him taking it all out on Lestat out of a need to blame someone for everything that had happened. Lestat just so happened to be the easiest and most obvious target for Nicki to let his anger out on.

Eleni tells Lestat in her letters to him, that even the mention of his name in Nicki's presence is enough to send Nicki over the edge. But I think this was down to his mental instability, along with his lingering hurt that had festered in his mind for so many years at that point; he wasn't in his right mind and so wasn't able to give appropriate reactions to his former lover.

Before Nicki goes into the fire, he gives his violin to Eleni, with the instruction to send it to Lestat. He also says how he had originally intended to give it to him the last time they saw each other, before Lestat left Paris. In my opinion, I don't see why Nicki would've had his violin that Lestat bought him, sent to Lestat, right before taking his own life. And there is a chance that he did this with malicious intent, as a way to taunt Lestat, but in my mind, I feel as though there was some lingering care left for him. I don't know that there was any love remaining on Nicki's part, I'll be honest, but I do there was some semblance of care left in him. I don't think this is something Nicki would admit to anyone, even himself, and I also don't know that he was aware of this - that it was more of a subconscious feeling. But I still think, regardless, there was something still in Nicki that cared even just a little bit for Lestat, albeit buried beneath the darkness in his mind.

Re: Nicki's interest in the violin and his comment about wanting to 'go down' in Paris, I think his initial interest in the violin was genuine. But when people around him *cough his father cough* told him to abandon the idea, that's when it turned into a thing of spite. However, I do believe there was still an honest love for playing. Even after Nicki had gone mad, playing the violin was something he turned to as a source of familiar comfort through his dark times.

As for Paris, it was Nicki's idea in the first place for both him and Lestat to run off (although, yes, it was more of a joke when he said it.) But I think he genuinely wanted him and Lestat to get away from the village that had been suffocating them both for so many years. When Nicki said he wanted them to 'go down', I think that was also as a result of his unstable mind, and his hurt at the recent events being taken out on Lestat. There may very well have been elements of truth in what he said, but overall, I think it's just yet another example of his inability to contain his pain.

Of course, none of this excuses the way Nicki treated Lestat in the end, but I think to simply say it was all because he didn't love Lestat is missing out on taking a deeper look into the reasons why he did and said those things. To denounce the love Nicki felt for Lestat seems unfair to me given his situation.

[enduringmoth]

i know i'm not the first person to write a post like this but i simply cannot stop thinking about how much it stings for a trying-to-be-redeemed dark urge specifically to be so heavily supported at every turn by the vast majority of their party in all things, from handling their urges to acknowledging that they are a bhaalspawn--

only for literally each and every member of the party except for astarion, in part to absolutely BLAST them when gortash reveals their part in originating the absolute crisis.

i'm not saying that they don't deserve to have plenty of feelings about it. karlach in particular gets a large pass due to her trauma regarding gortash. all of them are allowed to have a reaction, all of them are allowed to need time.

but the fact that the dark urge (again, referring particularly to a dark urge attempting to break away from bhaal's influence) receives not an ounce of credit from the party for their efforts thus far. the fact that the party goes from empathetic and supportive to acting as if they'd been intentionally harboring this secret the whole time (hello?? amnesia??). pretending as if the person they are working with hasn't proven time and time again that they are not the same person they once were.

yes, obviously the extent of the netherbrain and the chosens' harm on life is extreme -- i'm not saying they should let it pass like water under a bridge. i'm just saying that it's such a sharp turn and it is absolutely agonizing to think about how durge must feel.

additionally, isn't there something to be said about how so much forgiveness is offered for ALL other party members for what they do/ have done for their masters?

even shadowheart is offered far more sympathy if she chooses to slay the nightsong. clearly people don't agree with her choice, but they don't turn on her entirely, even though it is objectively the worst choice.

astarion choosing to ascend is, again, not agreed with by many, but the 7,000 people he happily benefits from the deaths of are not given any significant scrutiny from the party.

etc etc ...

it just absolutely guts me. a redemption-seeking dark urge has to be hurting after all of that. they have to feel like they're floating in a vast ocean with not even driftwood to cling to.

the party made them feel like maybe, just maybe, they didn't have to be alone in their suffering. in this moment, though ...

there aren't words for how i'd feel if i was in their shoes.

[burningvelvet]

moby dick analysis on ahab & starbuck

thinking about how starbuck's father and brother died at sea (chap 26) from whaling and it's mentioned that his brother's limbs were torn apart and it's easily inferrable that he has post-grief PTSD/depression but as a poor nantucketer probably has no other way of earning a living for his wife and young son. so he has to cope with his job despite the traumatic, triggering nature of it. he copss by being the best at his job, by being extraordinarily cautious and careful in all tasks while not compromising his natural strength, and he's adamant at protecting everyone — even those, like ahab, who do not want it.

From the first description of Starbuck, chapter 26:

"Starbuck was no crusader after perils; in him courage was not a sentiment; but a thing simply useful to him, and always at hand upon all mortally practical occasions. Besides, he thought, perhaps, that in this business of whaling, courage was one of the great staple outfits of the ship, like her beef and her bread, and not to be foolishly wasted. Wherefore he had no fancy for lowering for whales after sun-down; nor for persisting in fighting a fish that too much persisted in fighting him. For, thought Starbuck, I am here in this critical ocean to kill whales for my living, and not to be killed by them for theirs; and that hundreds of men had been so killed Starbuck well knew. What doom was his own father’s? Where, in the bottomless deeps, could he find the torn limbs of his brother?

With memories like these in him, and, moreover, given to a certain superstitiousness, as has been said; the courage of this Starbuck which could, nevertheless, still flourish, must indeed have been extreme. But it was not in reasonable nature that a man so organized, and with such terrible experiences and remembrances as he had; it was not in nature that these things should fail in latently engendering an element in him, which, under suitable circumstances, would break out from its confinement, and burn all his courage up. And brave as he might be, it was that sort of bravery chiefly, visible in some intrepid men, which, while generally abiding firm in the conflict with seas, or winds, or whales, or any of the ordinary irrational horrors of the world, yet cannot withstand those more terrific, because more spiritual terrors, which sometimes menace you from the concentrating brow of an enraged and mighty man.

But were the coming narrative to reveal in any instance, the complete abasement of poor Starbuck's fortitude, scarce might I have the heart to write it; for it is a thing most sorrowful, nay shocking, to expose the fall of valour in the soul."

but then starbuck gets stuck as the second-in-command to captain ahab who already nearly died after losing a limb to a whale and also has a wife and young son on nantucket and also has PTSD/depression due to sea/whaling related grief and they have a connection and starbuck is the only person who ahab actually obeys. arguably he empathizes most via his relationship with pip, the only other person he really connects with, but for all his inability to trust or respect anyone, starbuck is the only one he remotely allows to contradict him or comes close to seeing as a worthy of his regard (chaps 109, 130).

but whereas we're told starbuck's trauma makes him more careful & reasonable (chap 26) ahab's trauma makes him more reckless & vengeful (chap 41). but they're both given to superstition because they've both been wracked by fear and tragedy. they both have common sentiments even though they also butt heads not unfrequently.

and we don't get to see starbucks reaction or opinions on ahab denying to help the captain of rachel — a father looking for his two missing sons lost at sea (chap 128) — but it's very interesting that starbuck's own father lost his two sons on the sea, and that starbuck and ahab both note that between the two of them they have two sons which they bond over.

the tragedy of how in chap 132 starbuck seeks to comfort a crying ahab but then has to walk away because ahab clearly won't listen to him — and then how in chap 135 it's starbuck who is crying before ahab and ahab toss starbuck away from him as he leaves him!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ahab crying, chap 132:

"From beneath his slouched hat Ahab dropped a tear into the sea; nor did all the Pacific contain such wealth as that one wee drop. Starbuck saw the old man; saw him, how he heavily leaned over the side; and he seemed to hear in his own true heart the measureless sobbing that stole out of the centre of the serenity around. Careful not to touch him, or be noticed by him, he yet drew near to him, and stood there."

Starbuck walking away from Ahab when he realizes Ahab refuses to take responsibility for his actions and instead blames fate for his own destructive behavior (or, that Ahab is really being driven by fate, depending on your interpretation & personal beliefs, & whether you think his is a matter of self-fulfilling prophecy or real prophecy), chap 132:

"'What is it, what nameless, inscrutable, unearthly thing is it; what cozening, hidden lord and master, and cruel, remorseless emperor commands me; that against all natural lovings and longings, I so keep pushing, and crowding, and jamming myself on all the time; recklessly making me ready to do what in my own proper, natural heart, I durst not so much as dare? Is Ahab, Ahab? Is it I, God, or who, that lifts this arm? But if the great sun move not of himself; but is as an errand-boy in heaven; nor one single star can revolve, but by some invisible power; how then can this one small heart beat; this one small brain think thoughts; unless God does that beating, does that thinking, does that living, and not I. By heaven, man, we are turned round and round in this world, like yonder windlass, and Fate is the handspike. [..] —Starbuck!'

But blanched to a corpse’s hue with despair, the Mate had stolen away."

Starbuck crying & pleading toward the very end, chap 135:

"Their hands met; their eyes fastened; Starbuck’s tears the glue.

“Oh, my captain, my captain!—noble heart—go not—go not!—see, it’s a brave man that weeps; how great the agony of the persuasion then!”

“Lower away!”—cried Ahab, tossing the mate’s arm from him. “Stand by the crew!”

In an instant the boat was pulling round close under the stern.

“The sharks! the sharks!” cried a voice from the low cabin-window there; “O master, my master, come back!”

But Ahab heard nothing; for his own voice was high-lifted then; and the boat leaped on."

From the first description of Starbuck, chapter 26:

"Looking into his eyes, you seemed to see there the yet lingering images of those thousand-fold perils he had calmly confronted through life. A staid, steadfast man, whose life for the most part was a telling pantomime of action, and not a tame chapter of sounds."

Starbuck's last words as he tries to save the ship which Ahab left him in charge of, chapter 135:

“The whale, the whale! Up helm, up helm! Oh, all ye sweet powers of air, now hug me close! Let not Starbuck die, if die he must, in a woman’s fainting fit. Up helm, I say—ye fools, the jaw! the jaw! Is this the end of all my bursting prayers? all my life-long fidelities? Oh, Ahab, Ahab, lo, thy work. Steady! helmsman, steady. Nay, nay! Up helm again! He turns to meet us! Oh, his unappeasable brow drives on towards one, whose duty tells him he cannot depart. My God, stand by me now!”

He instructs the men to be steady as he is defined by his own steadfastness, a synonym of loyalty; in other words he is bound by duty, but he nevertheless blames Ahab for making this end his duty. His feelings are strong and he's on the verge of "a woman's fainting fit" but he nevertheless instructs himself to be calm and stoic. He detaches from himself, referring to himself in the third-person, and is resolved to die "if he must." He hates his job, but he does it to the best of his abilities anyway. He hates what his life has become, but he lives it anyway.

And to come back to that one paragraph in chapter 26 wherein we have the first description of Starbuck:

"But were the coming narrative to reveal in any instance, the complete abasement of poor Starbuck's fortitude, scarce might I have the heart to write it; for it is a thing most sorrowful, nay shocking, to expose the fall of valour in the soul."

This seems to leave it ambiguous (but so intentional ambiguous that it admits to a certain level of probability) as to whether or not, as we learn from Starbucks own fears, he actually lost his calm in the end and died in "a woman's fainting fit." Aside from Fedallah and Ahab, the specifics of the sailors deaths aren't really alluded to. The dead crew mates are given a certain level of privacy and respect because Ishmael consciously protects them. To requote his words on Starbuck and show how they may apply to all of the Pequod's crew (but most especially Starbuck, one of the most stoic characters, who thus begged this description):

"But were the coming narrative to reveal in any instance, the complete abasement of [the men of the Pequod's collective] fortitude, scarce might I have the heart to write it; for it is a thing most sorrowful, nay shocking, to expose the fall of valour in the soul."

As an aside, Queequeg isn't given a lot of focus in the end. He isn't given a lot of focus in the middle either, because he and Ishmael sort of grew apart, but I think it's maybe telling of how Queequeg's death may have upset Ishmael too much to even mention it (same with Pip perhaps).

[purpleheartskies]

Following up on my recent post, I've been thinking about the conversation in s5e8 of Johnny recapping the avts and the boys just agreeing with everything he was saying.

Ugh... Johnny, Miguel, and Hawk all know that Robby was cheated out of the avt win the first time. They all know Miguel had cheated and Hawk had played a role in disadvantaging Robby in his fight against Miguel. Hawk and Miguel had each attacked Robby between rounds in their matches against him.

But, really. The fact that Johnny literally said that Hawk had injured Robby but then left out that Miguel had injured Robby too is so infuriating. All of them act like they're better than Robby and like Miguel and Hawk did absolutely nothing wrong to him---as if, the end of the school fight and the head shaving weren't a reaction to their behavior towards him (in Miguel's case) or people he cares about (in Hawk's case).

"There's a difference between someone consistently acting in toxic ways as a character trait [Johnny/Miguel/Hawk] and someone reacting out of character in response to abusive behavior [Robby]." (This is a quote about real people, but it applies so well to these characters.)

Johnny is a heartless pos coward who still can't even take accountability with his own son and instead abuses and emotionally neglects him, after abandoning and neglecting him his whole life. I often think of this next quote when I think of Robby's situation with Johnny.

"It can clear up a lot of confusion around childhood trauma, when you realize abandonment is not only when someone walks away. It's also when someone who is meant to protect you, allows others to hurt you."

Johnny has done this time and time again. The apartment fight had been the latest occurrence and was fucked up, and Johnny and Miguel proved that they're still Cobra Kai through and through with their continued abusive/bullying ways. In this conversation, Johnny also acted like what the other boys had done to Robby in the first avt didn't matter; that it either didn't happen (in Miguel's case) or wasn't a big deal (in Hawk's case).

It's so ridiculous that Miguel had called Robby "runner-up", as if Miguel desperately cheating to win against an injured Robby was something to be proud of and made Miguel a real champion. Miguel had also quit the next tournament. At least Robby had fought with honor in both tournaments and didn't abandon his team or girlfriend in the second one. Miguel didn't even bother to stick around and support Sam. In their phone call in s5e1, Sam had even reminded Miguel what fighting Tory meant for her, and Miguel gaslit her in response by minimizing her trauma due to Tory as just "karate". In turn, Robby had come back out to support Tory for her match, despite his own loss, mental state, and not wanting be Cobra Kai anymore, because he cared about the importance of the match to Tory.

Miguel is a narcissistic asshole. I don't care what anyone says. I'm not going to pretend like there's nothing wrong with his behavior. I mean, look at his reaction when Johnny leaves out Miguel's cheating ways.

There is seriously something wrong with how he consistently behaves about all his past actions towards Robby (and others) including those before the school fight, freaking gaslighting others to shift the blame from himself, having no regrets about his actions except "showing mercy", and having no empathy for the person he himself had put into a "fight" response situation that led to his own injury. You can't assault someone and then get upset if they fight back in the moment. Suddenly stopping, saying "I'm sorry", and expecting the other person to immediately realize that you're no longer a threat and be completely okay with you is an entitled and abusive mentality that shows a lack of self-awareness.

And then there's Hawk. Freaking moron called Robby an "asshole". Ha! Hawk became one of the top assholes of Cobra Kai, alongside Miguel and Johnny of course. In fact, in this conversation, Robby was in the presence of some of the worst assholes of Cobra Kai. Johnny and Miguel had proven with the apartment fight that they're still Cobra Kai. Hawk was still channeling that Cobra Kai energy too. Right before the trial match, he told Robby that he'll "shut [Kenny] up" in their match, but Robby reminded him to have empathy.

When Robby was in Cobra Kai, he wasn't an asshole. Hawk was purposely intimidating a younger kid, and Robby's intentions were to protect that kid from Hawk, who had (1) purposely dislocated Robby's shoulder over a taunt during a verbal back and forth which Hawk himself had started, (2) tried to gang assault his former best friend over a silly yelp review, and (3) broken his former best friend's arm for no reason at all..., just like Miguel had wanted to break Robby's arm for no reason at all in the school fight. Robby knows that just because you "ally" with Miyagi-Do doesn't mean you suddenly change or are "good guys" now, which Johnny and Miguel are proof of. Hawk had also wanted to fight Robby immediately when Hawk had seen Robby at the CK dojo for the first time since the school fight. Like, asshole, you act like a psycho, breaking people's arms on purpose for no reason at all, and then act like you're a better person than one of the persons that you had previously assaulted over a slight. Nah! Hawk's still completely lacking in self-awareness about all that. The humbling he got by Kenny in the ST trial match and by Demetri during the selections in s6e4 was well-deserved.

All three of these assholes were just sitting here acting like they'd never done anything wrong to Robby. They're so entitled and lacking in humility. (Well, now Hawk seems to have some humility but only because it was forced on him.) Robby had taken accountability with both these boys by this point, and they couldn't even do him the courtesy of taking accountability in return. Of course, Johnny, especially, is a lost cause pos, and he'll always be one. He'll continue to allow Miguel and anyone to hurt Robby whenever it benefits Johnny himself.

And for Miguel to claim that Hawk deserves to represent them, even though he's the reason Robby had to fight Miguel with an injured arm in the first avt final. Seriously? Miguel: "Duhhrr... Im'ma gaslight again. We attacked and cheated Robby out of a win, so he doesn't deserve to represent us." smh... Hawk taking part in taking away Robby's chance at a win and not admitting it canceled out his own win in the second avt and made him undeserving.

This all makes Robby being the captain for Miyagi-Do in the Sekai Taikai even more meaningful. Robby represents Miyagi-Do the most, and he's going to represent Miyagi-Do's legacy on the world stage. Of these 3 boys, he deserves that captain spot the most. For the trial match, it was basically decided that, because he was cheated out of a victory the first time and came in second the second time, that he didn't deserve to represent them in the trials. Now, for the actual Sekai Taikai itself, Hawk didn't even make it into the top 4 and was pushed out of the top 6. That was some more humbling that he deserved. And Miguel...

Let's see that replay!

This Near-Villain Victory still makes me so gleeful. Miguel was so sure that he'd win. He'd even tried to gaslight Robby that he himself needs the win more because his own future matters more.

People keep talking about how the idea had been thrown around in the writers' room that Miguel wouldn't even make it into the top 6 and would have been Tory's replacement, which I assume would have still been to create tension between him and Robby. But, people don't even consider that, even though the writers did add Miguel into the top 4, they still gave him a humiliating loss that villains get in stories. lmao

To insert Robby having a villain-trope victory against Miguel---Robby's one and only definitive win against him---as Robby's Hero's Journey heads into the climax... lmao That's some low-key vicious writing against Miguel right there that clearly indicates the role that each boy has in the story.

[matan4il]

911 ep 707 first watch reactions

Oh man, I'm actually not sure I have that much to say about this ep.

The entire plot with Mara and her brother Tyson was very sweet, very nice, and way too convenient. One day, shows are going to stop using the phrase, "There must be something you can do!" like it's some secret magic phrase, that makes this sentiment into a reality, AND turns the person addressed into someone willing to risk everything, in order to do that one thing they can do, which is usually something they're very much not supposed to... That said, Denny was sweet, Mara was lovely, her with Tyson was very endearing, and Henren continued to rule.

The storyline with Maddie was nicely handled, both her trauma, and the way Chim helped her use it to figure out the case and help save everyone from the stalker. My little Madney heart absolutely loved it. And Maddie's distress over a baby involved felt very real and understandable, when she's a mom herself now.

But then in a sense, it was clear this has no long term repercussions, other than bringing Brad into contact with Bobby. With his burn scars, and what we know about the fire that Bobby caused in the past, we can guess where this is headed. I trust that 911 will delve into this coming clash with the same humaneness with which it tackles most storylines.

But I'll be honest, I don't really like where Eddie's headed. I know Shannon scarred him deeply, but he was able to let go of her, and allow her to walk away from him twice while she was alive. It's weird if it's now being implied that the reason why he was never able to move on to another serious r/s is that he was stuck on her. The way she died was traumatic and painful, and it made sense that, even accepting that they as a couple were over, he had a hard time dealing with her death, but Eddie seemingly moved on in s4 at the latest. It feels a bit like they don't really know what to do with him, and how to move him on, so they keep going in circles with his character. Kinda like they were with Buck in s6. None of what we saw in that season helped Buck get to some major breakthroughs that we've seen in this one, so this current storyline with Eddie might end in the same way.

I'm not saying it doesn't have the potential to move him forward, and I'm sure it will be presented as if it has whether it actually does or doesn't (kinda like how 618 presented Buck and Natalia as a move forward, even though it very obviously was not), but right now, I'm not enjoying it. I also... even with this idea of having Eddie run into a Shannon look-a-like, I feel they could have gone in a lot of different ways, and the one where he goes on a date with her while having a serious gf he's essentially cheating on, it just doesn't feel great, or true to Eddie's values. Which can be the point, right? That sometimes we're so shaken up, we do stuff that's uncharacteristic. If that's where they'll take it, then it's working, 'coz right now, everything about this feels a little off. Let's hope they do something actually constructive with this, and give Eddie real progress (rather than just give Tim an opportunity to re-use an actress he already said he really likes).

Small mandatory Buddifer moment was really lovely, even if far from what my shipper heart would want. Then again, I honestly feel it's so funny that Buck is dating Tommy, while being married to Eddie, his actual baby daddy. If there aren't a lot of fics shipping all three men already, then IDK fandom.

Thank you for reading! If you’re looking for more, you can find my s7 reactions tag here, and more of my Buddie meta and content in my pinned post. xoxox

[the-blossica-fan]

Greetings!

Actors Au - the sliver haired trio, Vertin, Mercuria, Vert pulling pranks on other cast members. Who else would prank everyone else?

I can see Vertin and Vert coming up with funny shit and Mercuria just gets roped in.

Usually victims? - Windsong, Sonetto and Matilda. The only ones not a victims of at least one is TF, Kakania and Isolde (maybe the Hoffmans as well?) (Marcus as sell gets added because she baby and they feel bad attempting to prank her.

Them collectively giving Schnieder the pineapple pizza with the most deadpan stare until she starts counting and they start running.

Windsong is a common victim to their pranks on set but so knock it off when Vila tells them too.

Matilda receiving giant duck and baguette plushies in front of her trailer (she does love them regardless)

Druvis getting hit with the Onceler song and on one occassion Vertin and Vert rocking up to her in Lorax costumes.

Up to you any other pranks they may do!

Hello comrade!!

Oh Lord, the little pranksters...

Mercuria is one of the big ones who makes the Matilda pranks, she might even do them by herself. But on everyone else, she gets dragged along.

Vert plays a bunch of jokes on Lilya since she's allowed to drink alcohol in set. She grabs her bottle of vodka and pours in Vinegar before putting it back, recording every moment of it.

"ДЕРЬМО, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!" You can hear the pain in her voice as she spits out the whole gulp she just took, coughing and gagging while Vert laughs maniacally in the background.

Zima also gets them pranks, sadly. He finds one of the pages of his story to be just printings of the same word all over again, "GET STICK BUGGED IDIOT" and a drawing of a stick bug. He has found them in pages of the works he's about to put together multiple times, he's slowly becoming paranoid.

Is there truly a stick bug around?

The prank on Marcus could have been simple, they made the classic prank about the water bucket on the door, they were laughing until they saw soaked Marcus' pitiful eyes about to sob and they felt so bad they just stopped laughing and helped her dry.

Poor girl was so pathetic they had to stop and get her some blankets and candy. Due to that, they also stopped playing pranks on Greta.

Greta's pranks would be switching the sugar in her coffee for salt and watching her spit it out and feel so weirded out of confusing salt and sugar.

Adler's not escaping the pranks I'm sorry. They're simple but effective. He has incredible muscle memory so by just moving his cup of coffee two centimeters to the left while he's working had him bumping against it and the panic on his face as he freezes is majestic.

Jessica used to get the short end of the stick with the pranks as she's very innocent, they would switch her lettuce for leaves and she would be pretty confused eating that, or they would tell her something completely wrong and watch her spread it around.

They stopped once Blonney started chasing them with a chainsaw, she swears it's a prop but my Lord when you see a girl chasing after you at full speed with a chainsaw, you get traumas.

Madam Z also gets some pranks here and there. They keep stealing her candies and watch her walk around looking for them for 30 minutes before placing them back in their place. Or doodle a 🖕 on the bottom of her cup so everytime she takes a sip she flips off someone and has to watch their offended reaction.

Kaalaa Baunaa's telescope keeps getting obstructed by paper and she's one second away from committing hate crimes against humanity. She just wants to watch the stars and she sees a "Ma laif w/ot u" white text on a black paper. She's mad.

Diggers pranks consist of them grabbing his cigarettes, wetting them and putting them back, he doesn't understand why they no longer work.

I got this idea for Matilda that they just placed a fake fish covered in chocolate outside of her door, knocked on said door and then when she opened it and looked at the fish there's an audio that does "Le fishe au Chocolat"

Mesmer Jr prank, replace coffee with Monster and watch the disaster.

Arcana's prank consists of the entire crew having to ask for pink clothes, switch her entire wardrobe to hello kitty and pink clothes and watch her angrily make her way towards them while dressed in a Hello Kitty shirt and pink shorts.

Then there's Theophil whose pranks are made by Trista, the epic addition to the prankster trio, who makes mustaches on his every painting until he notices.

The reason why they don't make pranks on Isolde (and by addition, Klara) is because they once did, they grabbed isolde's Kakania plushie, placed it on top of the door so when Isolde walked in it would drop into a bucket of colored water (it wouldn't damage and if it did they would buy her a new one) but instead of panicking or being worried, Isolde stood there motionlessly for an hour before sobbing

She spent the entire day like this → 😞

The girls were not only weirded out but strangely guilty.

[amuseoffyre]

I got thinking that the most honest and raw details about Ed and Stede's past are revealed in Stede's fever-dream and Badminton hallucination and Ed's coma, when they're confronted by their own subconsciousnesseseses (too many esesesss didn't know when to stop).

I had a pick over some of Ed's dialogue from the Gravy Basket the other day, which was barely even scraping the surface, including his expectation of violence when he's vulnerable, anticipation of hurt/cruelty in a domestic sphere and from a caretaker, desperate need for validation and approval and more.

While rewatching episode 1-4 today, it hit me how much Stede's demonstrate his belief that:

he was and remains nothing more than a disappointment to everyone around him, fit for scorn and derision (covering the parent, spouse and child for his fever dream)

no one would care if he was hurt ("Yeah, congrats")

he was insufficient ("you are such a disappointment")

he was a coward/weak ("He was scared of geese, for god's sake," say the man who shows up holding the goose he forced his son to watch him kill)

his choices, thoughts and fears would be laughed at (All of the above + Nigel)

no one cares about his physical well-being (Standing over him, taunting and laughing while he's in pain)

he was a terrible father by choosing to leave ("They'll never see papa again")

his children would hate him and wouldn't care if he was dead ("scoundrels spare no one")

Messy, emotionally-repressive autistic lad hasn't had anywhere to let out his distress for a long time, because he's never felt safe to do it. Mary says she knew he was unhappy and thought she heard him crying alone and, in a flat monotone, he denied it and said the crying was the wind.

He was conditioned to believe anything he said would be shot down. He wasn't allowed to express opinions and thoughts and his father made damn sure if he did have any, they were scoffed at and ridiculed, whether it was Stede's belief he was fortunate to have comfort and wealth or derision about his belief that he could marry for love. Mary's anger at his ship plan comes in there too, even if her reaction is warranted - he still sees a rejection of him, his ideas and the things he cares about.

It says it all that the only time he really does lose his temper in S1 (not including the meltdowns over things not going to plan) is when Jack is deliberately smashing all his buttons, treating him like his peers and dad used to and then, to rub it in extra hard, pissing on his shoes.

Stede tried to do what he normally did in stressful situations: he was going to go back to the ship so no one would see anything, because Conceal Don't Feel is that man's watchword. He bottles so finely he has an entire wine cellar of Trauma.

Ed catches him before he can leave and Stede's all out of control of his emotions and lets opinions fly and next thing he knows, Karl is dead, the crew are upset and Ed is leaving with Jack. So he learns Do Not Show The Emotions Again and boy, how that spectacularly backfires.

And on that note, watching S2, ohhhhhh there's an eruption coming at some point. He has been pushing it all down, shaking the bottles and stacking them. We've had his flashbacks again. We've had him kill for the first time. We've had him almost lose the love of his life multiple times. He's not dealt with any of that and a storm is a-coming now there's nothing to distract him from it.

Also, in case there's any doubts that his trauma isn't lurking to sneak back up and bite him, look at the man he chose to spend time with after Ed left him when he did something regarded as "man's work": an older man in a bloody leather apron just like his father in the flashbacks.

"You like me for me," he says to that guy, the one who has been reassuring him and validating him and telling him how good and worthwhile he is all day.

Stede "Daddy Issues and Then Some" Bonnet.

[avesomnia-inhoramortis]

Headcanons: Trina and Miquella

These two are complicated and their relationship will probably evolve as I write them. However, I do have some baseline points I'm following, so let's compile those.

I'm basing a lot of how they function on DID, with a fantasy/eldritch twist. The "original" personality was Miquella. That individual then split into two, who identify themselves as Miquella and Trina. Neither of them is the whole of who they were, and Trina was not something added to the original, but something developed from him.

In essence, mitosis happened. One half of them just insists that he's the original.

While both of them can be kind of childish, Miquella functions on a heavy dose of parentification trauma and Trina genuinely likes being a kid, so they clash pretty harshly sometimes. All of the original's desire to be cuddled and dependent on others got funneled off into Trina, while Miquella wants others to be dependent on him, partially as a reaction to Marika's neglect and the fact that no one else gave a damn about Malenia. Trina wants to rest, Miquella can't sit down because if he's sitting down he's not doing his utmost to save his sister.

As such, while they do understand and love eachother to an extent (because how can you not love someone who knows every terrible thing you've seen and done, who understands you, who Gets It) they also just fundamentally disagree on how a lot of things should be done. Miquella in particular has the stronger, more ambitious personality of the two, and he tends to make rules for Trina that she can't make in return.

Trina is more emotional, more impulsive, cries easily and trusts quickly in a way that deeply unnerves Miquella, who has an entire secret city and machinations against the gods to keep away from prying eyes. He's not sure how she could be used against him, and he doesn't want to find out. Similarly, Trina loves Miquella and Malenia and would never wish them harm, so it was fairly easy to get her to agree to keep their connection a secret.

The Haligtree has no shrines to her, the royal quarters of Elphael have nothing that belongs to her. She assisted Miquella in guiding pilgrims to the Haligtree, because dreams were the easiest and subtlest way he could think of to get the word out, so she does have worshippers there who carry her lily and some perfumers who combat the Rot in her name. But there are no official structures and Miquella tacitly allows her worship to be a private affair.

Particularly in the early years of existing as two-in-one, Trina would accidentally front and take over their shared body if something triggered her forward. Usually Malenia. This freaked Miquella out beyond words and the second they figured out how to mostly control it, he told Trina it made him uncomfortable, and she did her best to never use their body again. It is not a healthy dynamic for either of them.

The very few people who theorize about Miquella and Trina being the same person can occasionally be traced back to those in Elphael who've seen his eyes turn purple. Most of those incidents were covered up- both Miquella and Trina have the ability to alter memories. For what couldn't be covered up, Miquella took credit and said Trina was merely another name he used sometimes.

Since they're an Empyrean, though, she managed to figure out how to leave their body and wander dreams. As long as she leaves no hints as to who she really is, thus putting them in danger, Miquella really prefers that she be Out There and Away somewhere, though sometimes he asks for a favor. Usually guiding pilgrims with dream-messages, occasionally spying. She's happy to help, especially since she wants to be of some use to him.

Trina knows Miquella is an Empyrean, a god-vessel, but he hasn't fully realized that Trina is a nascent god. He's slightly worried about his claim as an Empyrean with her in the picture, actually, since all the other Empyreans he knows are female. It's one of many reasons he encourages her to hide.

Miquella means well, for Malenia and the world in general, but if he's outright cruel to anyone it's definitely himself. If it becomes necessary he will absolutely destroy Trina, but for now her presence is at least somewhat an advantage and he's not sure what would happen if he did that.

Trina, for her part, cannot even fathom the idea that he would seriously hurt her.

[pico-farad]

I hit episode 90 of Vrains! Season 2 is long, so I'm stopping here to put down some thoughts.

But before that, I wanted say that I was blown away by the response to Secret Identities AU! I didn't even know the Vrains fandom was still alive, but clearly I was mistaken. I plan to make a part 2 going over more characters and changes I'd make, but I'm going to hold off until I've finished the series, so that I can factor in the larger arc of the story.

For now though, here's my thoughts on the second third of Vrains (up to Aoi vs. Bohman). I had too much to say again, so this part will cover Soulburner and Flame.

Critique is meant in good taste. I don't think the Vrains writers will be offended.

All Vrains season analysis posts

⇀ Soulburner

Well, I saw this coming. With a protagonist like Yusaku, the writers need a character who can engage him and generally fill up that "Yugioh friend" role, which was sorely missing in Season 1. Naoki, Go, or Ai? Not marketable enough. They needed to make an anime boy, and they sure did.

That said, I was expecting more from Yusaku and Soulburner's relationship, it's a little... nondescript. They had the same problem in season 1, where the writers don't leave room for the characters to just be characters and bounce off each other, it's all just plot and duels and exposition. At least season 1 had the excuse of Yusaku's trauma alienating him from others, but not only has Yusaku already resolved to overcoming that barrier, but Soulburner is one of the only people who can connect with him because of that experience.

I really would have liked to see them connect more on both being victims of the Lost Incident. Season 1's emotional conflict resolved with Yusaku putting his trauma behind him, so Season 2 needs a new emotional conflict. This would be an excellent use of Soulburner's character, except they've made the strange decision that Soulburner has also already overcome his trauma... offscreen.

Don't get me wrong, the Soulburner vs. Blood Shepherd episodes are good. Having Soulburner and Flame trick Blood Shepherd with their acting is a fine gotcha, but think about what we could have gotten if Takeru was allowed to grow through the story itself -- Yusaku and Flame both encouraging him, Takeru finding strength in Yusaku, the only person he knows who has been though the same trauma as him, but was able to stand up to Hanoi nonetheless. Instead, we don't even get to see Yusaku's reaction to Soulburner's backstory, he's stuck outside the bubble.

I can see why people like him though. Both his designs are good, he gets some funny lines, some good duels. I like his trait of fanboying over the heroes who saved Vrains, EXCEPT that the duels vs. Go and Blue Girl were unforgivable and I WILL go deep into that in their sections, mark my words anime boy.

Most of all though, I like his relationship with Flame.

⇀ Flame

He's funny. Like if Jack was five inches tall. I like how he just casually puts words in Soulburner's mouth. ("Prepare yourself! Soulburner never shows mercy!" "What? I didn't say that." "You didn't?") Flame thinks he's the Ratatouille rat in this relationship, both of them think they're the one calling the shots, and that's great.

I wish that element of their relationship had come back in the Soulburner vs. Windy duel, which is another case of introducing an interesting challenge for the characters -- in this case, the idea that Flame should want to be independent of Soulburner -- only to once again go Psych! Bamboozled! They were just acting the whole time!

Ah yeah, they sure tricked me into thinking we would get some good character development...

It's a shame, because I think Windy actually does raise an interesting point. The audience is biased towards thinking of Soulburner as the one who calls the shots -- he's the one who plays the cards, who declares attacks and announces effects, while Flame is the one who looks like a mascot and provides standard Yugioh audience commentary. It makes complete sense for Windy to instill doubt in Flame this way, because the conflict between the Ignis and humans is that humans think AI should only serve humans, and Ignis believe in their own free will.

For reference, here is the exchange that happens (paraphrased) after Soulburner refuses to listen to Flame's advice not to set a card (though this is just part of the act)

Windy: Don't you want to fight using your own will, Flame? Partners are just a nuisance. That's why I got rid of mine. Soulburner: Nuisance? During the Lost Incident, the captured spent every day in an unimaginable situation. Despair, day after day... When we were freed, we were so happy that our hope became reality! But you stole that away from your partner because you thought he was a nuisance? Flame: Windy, we were able to be created because they spent day after day enduring despair. We should be thanking them. We have no right to steal their hope!

Flame's rebuttal to Windy is so bizarrely essentialist. The Ignis don't owe anything to the Lost Incident victims, much less gratitude. They didn't ask to be created, and they are not responsible for the crimes of SOL. The message should have been something like "I chose Soulburner with my own free will."

Flame does not owe Takeru anything, but he chooses to be his partner, because the whole point of the Ignis is that they have free will. That is the proper resolution to Windy asking "Don't you want to fight using your own will?" The answer is no, they choose to fight together. Even if Soulburner appears to be the one calling the shots because he wears the duel disk, they are equals, and the reason Soulburner takes the lead is because Flame trusts him. 5D telepathy chess undercuts that.

⇀ Lost Incident Victims, and Alternate Season 2 thoughts

The more I think about it, the more I wish they used the different Lost Incident victims to explore different reactions to trauma. Yusaku used it to fuel him and his revenge, Takeru went down a route of self-sabotage and lashing out, Jin shut himself down, and Spectre, uh, decided to be Like That lmao.

Here's the set-up that I would have done for Season 2: after Jin is kidnapped, Yusaku decides to seek out the other Lost Incident victims to see if any of them have been targeted too, which could give them a clue on how to get Jin back. This is how he meets Takeru. 

Yusaku has to learn how to connect with people, which follows up on the season 1 finale, where he resolves to open himself up to others and tells Revolver that he wants to be friends. By befriending Takeru and helping him overcome his trauma, and eventually the other Lost Incident victims too, it builds up to the reprise of Yusaku vs. Revolver, where Yusaku finally succeeds in connecting with Revolver, who he realizes is another victim of the Lost Incident.

Jin and Miyu get to be actual characters this way, too, rather than just damsel devices. I'd also pay to see the deranged interactions Spectre would have with Yusaku.

[autistichalsin]

Okay, I’ve been a bit scared because I’ve been observing from the sidelines, but I do want you to know this isn’t a hateful or troll ask, I’m genuinely asking for clarification.

In my experience, “pro-shipping” has always meant ‘problematic shipping’, and all of the people I’ve talked to about this have said the same thing.

Am I the one who’s misconstrued? I really don’t get it.

Being called “pro-harassment” or “pro-censorship” is hurtful and confusing as all hell.

I don’t harass people for what they create. I don’t care to do that. I block and move on, and warn people if I know they could be upset by the content.

But I also don’t understand how certain things are justified.

I am personally not bothered by much, but I have watched friends and acquaintances go through visceral traumatic reactions because people have decided to air out their coping by sharing it with the public. (I.E, people who write romantic incestual fics, etc)

I don’t give a shit what people write. I really don’t. But it feels harmful to use the excuse of coping when you, in turn, could be hurting dozens of others.

Like I said, I genuinely am not trying to be hateful here. I’m confused, and still distraught that all of this is happening. I don’t think anyone deserves to be harassed. I just also don’t get the logic here.

Pro-shipping never once meant problematic shipping. It meant opposite of "anti" because antis would come and invade the tags and asks, calling them all kinds of names if they found their ships distasteful.

Sorry that being indirectly accused of supporting harassment hurt your feelings. Imagine how I felt, being DIRECTLY accused of supporting rape in real life because of my taste in fiction. You are throwing in your lot with people who can't distinguish fantasy and reality.

I don't like incest fics either, anon. They are triggering for me. So you know what I do? I don't read fics tagged as incest. For that reason, I have never been triggered by an incest fic. I suppose I would be if I read an incest fic that wasn't tagged as much, but you will never find a single pro-shipper who defends posting such content without a tag. You are responsible for your own experience online; it is your job to curate the content.

If it was just seeing that the fic exists that triggered the response, then I'm sorry to say they're still in the wrong. As a survivor, learning that triggers exist and how to navigate those triggers is on you. We are responsible for how we deal with our trauma. Your friends didn't deserve their traumas, and they deserve kindness and support, but requesting that people never be allowed to write distasteful fiction so that they don't have to be upset by the idea that someone somewhere shipped incest is not reasonable. Their feelings are valid; it's totally reasonable to be triggered, to strictly curate your online experience. It's reasonable to block everyone who ships the upsetting incest ships, to put an "incest shippers DNI" on your page, all of it. It's not reasonable to call them supporters of IRL incest or to accuse them of causing your trauma. It isn't hard at all on AO3 or Tumblr; they even give you the option to blacklist/filter out certain tags so you can avoid it without blocking users. There's easily half a dozen safeguards that already exist that are a lot less radical, a lot less likely to be weaponized against queer users, and a lot easier to enforce than trying to remove them.

Me writing fics, such as a character using kink to cope, can only harm a user who doesn't curate their feed (and who reads fics they know will trigger them, which I can only assume would then be a purposeful form of self-harm). Denying other survivors their coping mechanism, though, IS a direct form of harm. Stigmatizing recovery by saying that survivors are in any way akin to abusers for creating fiction is a direct form of harm.

It sounds to me like you've absorbed some very harmful and very narrow ideas of what recovery should and should not look like, and what is and isn't a good/valid survivor. You might want to reflect on why you're turning your attention to policing what survivors do to cope so much.