#they’re embarassing

[sparrow-the-tired-lesbian]

Send me the not family friendly words. Text them to me. I wanna hear them.

N o

[veins-n-wires]

My emotions keep flipping over and over and over within seconds without a break. I’m so exhausted. Nothing is triggering it. It just won’t stop. Im playing games blasting music existing, then pausing to silent scream cry because my head won’t shut up, to numb staring, to back to games, to my head reliving every trauma, to imagining scenarios, to mentally cutting everyone off, to numb and empty, not being able to hold enjoyment in anything.

I’m tired.

Who can I even tell other than the void? No one will understand. It’ll turn into arguments of some sort of people thinking they did something wrong. It’s me, I’m what’s wrong. Then I’ll just get told to get help which is so much easier said than done. I don’t have a car, a job, health insurance. Online therapy is a scam. I can’t even trust therapists because of their authority over me being able to involuntarily hospitalize so I’m unable to trust them/tell them anything because my brain convinces me they’re against me and my bad experiences. Can’t tell anyone that though because that’s automatically labeled an excuse and I just “don’t want help” and want to “be like this forever”. Idk why I’d complain if I didn’t want anything to do with this. I’d love a medication to fix me, I’d be on it for the rest of my life despite almost all side effects it could give me. I have thought about electroshock therapy and decided if that was ever suggested and said to fix me I’d jump on it. It’s not like I’m not desperate. I just can’t be hospitalized. Friends have gotten irreversibly worse from it. Family has gotten irreversible PTSD damage from it with triggers that don’t even need to be related to hospitals. All I can think about is me disappearing into one and that’s when my elderly cat, my sole reason for continuing to live, dies. All I can think about is her thinking abandoned her in her last little thoughts. I get told that’s an excuse too. I’m too paranoid of things for sure, but none of it is about me being afraid of getting better.

Every month it seems I start searching for legit online therapy again. Legit online testing for various mental health problems so I can finally know what other than depression and anxiety I have, if anything, and how to cope whether it be with medications or whatever else. I try and search for the dumb sites like HERS that will just prescribe me shit. It’s all so expensive or too sketchy. I’m just so tired. I feel so alone in searching. I ask for help but I’m left with “I don’t know” “it’s not my job” “you need to be independent” people don’t even see my face or posts or typing changes and see something is wrong. I hardly hide it anymore. On public socials I repost about how depressed I am. I don’t talk to hardly anyone anymore. I hardly leave my house. I hardly play games with others. You can see how little I listen to music. I don’t post art anymore because I just can’t get myself to do it. There’s endless obvious signs I’m disintegrating as a person and everyone’s just walking by forcing me to beg to look at me disappointed for asking. It feels like no matter how I handle anything I’m in the wrong and a disappointment in some way or another. I’m tired of telling people how to love me and especially tired of them still not doing it.

I am going to be lonely surrounded by people my entire life. My body is giving out. Idk how deeper into feeling tired my body can handle. I don’t know who I am anymore. I have no personality other than every human emotion at 100% every second of everyday so intense that eventually it’s numbing. Like sticking your hand in hot water and getting used to how it feels to where it doesn’t even burn anymore but you know it’s still hurting you.

I’m so tired.

[kat1nkulta]

Hi i’m reaching soo hard but.

It’s not a 1-1 match, moreso about the habits? Nervous arm clutch, leaning forward when mad, clasping hands a lot, the smug side lean. Loop shares the most similarities with Siffrin, but I like to think they picked up some habits from the party too (after all they had a looong time to memorize those😁)

[ravrue]

they’re so silly i can’t😭😭😭😭😭

[puddii-ng]

various shumikas doodles……

[hyperion-severus]

i saw this post and made me think about little scorpius canonically reading about harry potter’s adventures and wanting to be like him. and yeah we know he’s a history nerd and has read historical retellings but what if he also read kids books of them — i’m not even talking novels like the hp books are (he probably did read those too) but i’m talking little kid picture books with a cartoon bobble head boy on the cover with glasses and a lightning shaped scar.

astoria comes home from a shopping trip with toddler scorpius in tow and he’s waving this board book at his dad all excitedly and draco’s face falls when he sees cartoon harry plastered on the front. that night when scorpius makes him reread it for the 7th time is when he realizes this is probably going to become an issue.

meanwhile that year harry is getting that same book from ron as a joke christmas gift

[foldingfittedsheets]

Re: sex headaches (anon for privacy) - this happened to me a couple times, specifically when using a hitachi magic wand, and the research I did pointed to unconsciously clenching head and neck muscles and/or holding my breath when I was about to come. I swore off the vibrator for a few weeks, changed up what position I masturbate in and how I hold myself/whether or what pillows are under me/etc, and focused on breathing consistently and not tensing up around orgasms, and with those habits it hasn't happened since. Again, not medical advice, just something that worked for me.

It’s worth trying to look for commonalities to when it happens. Common ones are dehydration, not breathing enough, overly clenching.

But it’s worth noting that since there can be pretty serious conditions that cause sex headaches it’s still worth speaking to a doctor about and getting blood tests if you have the privilege to do so and it’s more often than a one off.

[king-crawler]

Does anybody know where to find Felix x Turbo art from ACTIVE users so I can ask them for permission. preferably of them Kissing. This is a serious question I swear

[twinstxrs]

thinking about how gorgug + kristen perceive both their own deaths & each other’s, and how that impacts their relationship. bc i feel like freshman year kristen was too caught up in her newfound knowledge of the nature of her own god to truly clock & process gorgug’s internal revulsion of where he went after he died, & freshman year gorgug wasn’t familiar enough with the complexities of other people to truly lock onto the sorrow buried within the chaos of kristen’s upward/downward/sideways spiral until she was seemingly on the other side of it. & i wonder if they’ve ever really talked about it (unlikely), or if they’ve just cracked very few jokes that didn’t land and decided to never quite do the work & dig through that part of their relationship. but there’s a kinship there; kristen specifically singles out gorgug to tell him she died again, and gorgug apologizes that he wasn’t there with her this time. gorgug takes one of the finger bones off kristen’s newly/long-time decayed corpse to have an anchor to something in the world. despite the fact that they were in different places after death, having been together during it means everything.

anyways what i’m trying to say is i think they should talk about it.

[floatingonyourback]

last line game

rules: share the last line you've written, then tag some people, and have fun

thank you for the tag @la-muerta (and for the sneaky peek at your pre-canon dihua fic!!) 💕

From the second chapter of the chef au:

He messages Li Lianhua’s account with a link to his favourite pickled vegetable recipes and the suggestion that, perhaps you should try these next. Surely the most dangerous thing that can happen with pickles is that Li Lianhua improves his gut health, Di Feisheng thinks privately.

If anyone is keen to share their last line please do consider yourself tagged by me !!

[goldkirk]

If anyone remembers all the dental work I needed done uhhhhhhh three years ago and never went back and ran away forever…I’m finally going back to a dentist on Thursday to restart the process and face my deep and utter abiding terror. And I also scheduled my COVID and flu vaccines for a couple hours later. And my psych appointment to restart meds.

I figured get it all done in one day, have my miserable immune reaction on Friday that I seem to always get with Moderna COVID shots, and then flee directly into the weekend and never be a person again except when I’m on and off crying. It’s going to be so kind to future me to get these things done and I can do it no matter how much I feel like I am constantly about to Actually Physically Die.

[lenakluthor]

fanfiction is so important. and not just because it inspires creativity, brings people together, and fosters love of whatever piece of media it’s about. it’s also important because it offers so many unique and beautiful perspectives. on the simplest shit, too. i’ve read so many fics that specifically mention lena’s freckles and moles that i have now started looking at spots like that i have on my own body with fondness. now instead of seeing imperfections i think, “wow those are beautiful! some day someone might want to kiss every single one of them!” and i just. art is so important. words matter. some silly little cliche you might think is insignificant or just a detail thrown in could completely transform someone’s perspective. and i just think that’s so cool!!!!!

[duty-calls-for-booty]

Does anyone wanna hear about one of the two cringe self-insert CoD dreams I had a few months ago or should I keep that to myself? (I almost never have fandom dreams so it’s weird it happened twice, right?)

It’s accidental child(ren) acquisition and Price x Dreamer Reader. I firmly blame 391780 for turning me into a Price girlie around the time I had this dream. (This one is tooth-rotting, and absolutely mind boggling to me because I am 100% kid-free, lmao)

I’m on the fence about sharing the second dream because it is absolutely the opening to a Dark!fic (although, the nightmare dream ends before anything bad happens) and it’s 100% inspired by a specific dark!Ghoap x Reader one-shot.

[juniperhillpatient]

I like characters whose narcissism & egotism knows no bounds & competes only with their dramatic & unhinged levels of self hatred who simultaneously think they’re the worst & the best & there is no in between because that’s sooo me but about boring stuff. it’s fun to imagine if the stakes were higher than either obsessing over saying something awkward or thinking I’m basically a god because of one clever moment like. I have no chill either way so I love characters who Are Like That but for dramatic reasons hehe

[dkhbtfm]

being a punisher liker is already embarrassing enough, but buying comics in fromt of middle aged men???? jesus christ KILL ME!

[bardofavon]

I need…a kanej shipper…to possibly read over something and tell me if my characterization is whack before I post it.